#yall i mean look at the crossed out portraits

[spyrkle4]

WHEEZE

danganronpa

[differentpostrebel]

Lost and Found: A Pirate's Promise

Chapter 44: Whispers in the Woods: The Trap Unveiled

This gif because we find out Sanji was given those cuffs

And this gif because we find out Chopper and Carrot are in the Mirror World.

A/N We are back at it again with a new chapter! Yall when I tell you the vision is visioning, the smut is smutting, and just everything is going wild! Thank you guys for tuning in! Liking, commenting, reblogging, sharing, the whole nine yards! I'm forever grateful. Also remember pudding is 21 here this will add to the plot trust me!.  And now without further ado, let the adventure begin! 

Sanji X Reader, Sanji x Y/N, One Piece x Reader. 

Sanji POV… 

Morning has arrived, and I sit in my room, the sound of Germa soldiers training echoing through the walls. Sighing, I can’t help but feel a mix of anger and disgust. “Just how long do you plan on sitting there?” I ask Reiju, who’s sprawled out on the sofa, looking entirely too comfortable.

“Don’t be mean. Shouldn’t you be happy to see your long-lost sister?” she replies, her legs crossed casually.

“Stop saying that. I cut my ties with you, and I will not repeat myself!” I grit my teeth, trying to suppress the rage bubbling within me.

“I have nothing in common with someone who hangs tasteless art like that,” I say, pointing at the ridiculous portrait of our father that hangs on the wall.

“It’s a celebration of our triumph conquering the North Blue!” Reiju insists, as if that makes it any better. “It’s called The Conquest of the North Blue. It’s Father’s dream to rule over Germa as he once did. It’s funny; I think it’s natural for men to be drawn to power and glory.”

“Look at Ichiji,” she continues, and my blood runs cold. “He was drawn to your crewmate, Princess Y/N, and he is set to marry her.”

The mention of Y/N makes my stomach churn. I can’t shake the image of her with Ichiji, the thought of her being tied to that bastard gnawing at my insides. “I actually met her, too. Quite the personality, she is. She gave Yonji a run for his money before I stepped in and knocked some sense into him,” Reiju says, her tone almost admiring.

“But she is now to be wed to Ichiji, even if she refuses the marriage,” she adds, her voice dripping with amusement. I can feel my fists clenched tightly, my teeth grinding as I suppress the surge of anger rising within me.

“Why don’t you take advantage of your royal blood and seize the day rather than playing with your crewmates?” she taunts, leaning back into the sofa, her eyes glinting with mischief.

“Go to hell,” I snap back, frustration bubbling over.

“Now, now, would you talk that way to these handmaids who await your beck and call?” Reiju smirks as one of the handmaid's steps forward, bowing her head.

“How may we serve... young master?” she says, and for a moment, my heart skips a beat.

“No freakin' way!” I exclaim, my heart pounding in my chest. As heart eyes adorn my eye.

“Why fight your bloodline, dear brother? War is profitable, which is why we live in luxury. Let the minions fight in combat,” Reiju continues, and I can feel my muscles tense at her words.

“Does that not sound appealing?” she adds, gesturing to the handmaid as she pours wine into a glass, her expression smug. “We Vinsmokes have earned that right through the sheer power of our military might. You have that blood in your veins.”

“I don’t give a damn! I’m not getting married! I’m already engaged to Y/N!” I declare, my voice rising. It’s a lie, but it’s the only way I can stand my ground against her taunts.

“Oh? Y/N?” she raises an eyebrow, amusement dancing in her eyes. “Pudding is a fine woman.”

“Okay, and?! She’s nothing like Y/N!” I shoot back, my voice laced with irritation.

“Well, she’s already Ichiji’s bride-to-be, and from what I hear, once she arrives, Ichiji will have her in his quarters until the wedding to get her accustomed to the idea of sharing a bed.” Reiju says, her smile growing wider. “He already has the rings picked out, as well as the floral arrangements for the fiery princess.”

The words hit me like a punch to the gut. Ichiji is planning to move in with her, to have her all to himself. I feel the anger boil within me, my heart racing as I imagine Y/N in Ichiji's clutches. “You’re lying! He wouldn’t dare!” I retort, but deep down, the fear gnaws at me.

“Oh, I assure you, dear brother,” Reiju replies, a smug grin plastered across her face. “Ichiji gets what he wants, and he wants Y/N. Just like Father wants power, and you… you will just have to accept your fate.”

“Never!” I shout, pushing back against the helplessness I feel. “I’ll find a way to stop this. I refuse to let any of you dictate my life or Y/N’s.”

“To tell you the truth, I’m quite fond of her,” Reiju says, her tone teasing. I can feel my teeth grinding together, frustration bubbling to the surface as her words sink in.

Suddenly, the doors to my room swing open, revealing the man I hate the most. “Father, what brings you here?” Reiju asks, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

“Are you still in here sulking?” he retorts, dismissively waving his hand as if my feelings are nothing more than a passing breeze.

“You bastard,” I mutter under my breath, my hands clenched into fists in my pockets.

“Show me some respect, son,” he snaps back, his eyes narrowing at me.

“Don’t call me that! I already have a father, and it’s not you!” I shoot back, my voice filled with defiance.

“Seems like you roughed up Yonji a bit, considering he’s strong,” he continues, an infuriating smirk creeping onto his face.

“Well, I guess that makes me stronger,” I say, matching his defiance with my own.

“Why don’t you meet me outside? A real man would use his fists to do the talking,” he challenges, clenching his fists tightly as he steps closer, the tension in the room thickening.

“A real man wouldn’t need to resort to violence to prove his worth,” I reply, my voice steady despite the anger coursing through me. “But if it’s a fight you want, I won’t back down.”

We made it outside, the Germa army encircling us like vultures. “That’s Master Sanji?” one of the soldiers whispers, a mix of awe and skepticism in their voices.

“I trust you’re prepared?” Judge asks, his voice dripping with condescension.

“Anytime you’re ready,” I reply, dismissing him as if he’s just another obstacle in my path.

“Time to duel!” he shouts, launching his blade at me with a speed that demands respect. But I’ve been trained for this moment; I dodge easily, feeling the adrenaline surge through me as the crowd begins to cheer.

“Once the tea party ends, I’m booking it back to my crew! I’m not marrying Pudding; I’m engaged to Y/N!” I yell, determination fueling my every word.

“Ichiji’s bride?! Now you’re just spouting off!” he laughs, swinging his blade again. I sidestep his attack, swiftly landing on the ground with my heart racing.

“This is all about strengthening your forces with Big Mom, right? It wouldn’t matter what I do after,” I pressed, determined to stand my ground.

“You don’t understand! You’ll stain the Vinsmoke name! Big Mom would punish us for treachery!” His voice dripped with frustration, and I could see the anger boiling beneath the surface.

“I don’t care about your family name!” I shot back, my fists clenched tightly. “All I care about is saving my crew and stopping Y/N’s marriage to Ichiji!”

“Y/N?” he sneered, the name sounding bitter on his lips. “ Her marriage to Ichiji is set in stone! Even if it was arranged! Pirate or not, she is still bound to marry!”

“Bound? To what? An arrangement made without her consent?” I countered, feeling the fire ignite within me. “She deserves more than this life, more than what you can offer her!”

The crowd around us was electric, their murmurs of disbelief and intrigue amplifying the tension in the air. Judge swung his blade once more, but I dodged again, feeling the thrill of the fight pulsing through my veins.

“He blocked the blade with his leg,” one of the Germa soldiers remarked, eyes wide with surprise.

“My feeble son I once knew wields Haki now?!” Judge exclaimed, his voice dripping with a mix of disbelief and disdain. I felt my teeth clench in frustration at his mocking tone.

“Fetch a sword!” he yelled, launching one directly at me. The blade spun through the air, glinting ominously in the sunlight.

“Take it. What’s the matter? Surely you haven’t forgotten my teachings,” he spat, as I easily dodged the weapon. I kicked the sword away, sending it flying into the distance.

“If you knew me at all, you’d know I don’t use that crap,” I shot back, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it with a flick of my lighter. I took a deep drag, feeling the familiar comfort wash over me amidst the chaos. “Get this through your skull: my hands are for cooking only.”

“That’s absurd!” he barked, his frustration palpable. “Unless I’m going to cook you up a meal, I won’t use blades or swords for that matter!” i said.

“Are you still making rat food? Service isn’t fit for royalty!” he retorted, his disdain cutting deep.

“Why resist the marriage?! Don’t you know what’s good for you?!” he shouted as he launched an aerial attack with his Raid Suit. I barely managed to evade his strike, the wind from his attack rushing past me.

The duel continued for a while, our movements a blur of strikes and dodges, the Germa soldiers cheering for my father. But he was relentless, using every trick he had up his sleeve. With a sudden burst of speed, he launched an attack that knocked me to the ground.

“Little Sanji,” I said, “I’ve got something I want to ask: do you owe someone respect just because you’re related by blood? Can’t think of one, huh? I’m sorry.” memories of my suffering flashing through my mind. Just as I was about to retaliate, he seized one of his own Germa soldiers, using him as a shield. My attack faltered as I realized what he was doing.

His electricity crackled to life, sending a shockwave through the air that sent me flying once more. I hit the ground hard, grit and dirt filling my mouth as I spat it out in anger.

After a grueling few minutes, the duel finally came to an end, and I was dragged back to my room, my body aching from the blows I had endured. Reiju was waiting for me, her expression a mix of concern and exasperation as she tended to my wounds.

“I’m surprised... you’re tough as nails,” she remarked, applying a band-aid over my forehead with a gentle touch. “I still can’t believe you’re still the same Sanji. You really are hopeless.”

“You can skip the small talk,” I said, exhaling a cloud of smoke from my cigarette, the familiar sensation offering me a momentary escape from the chaos of my life. “After I’m done with this damn tea party and end Y/N’s marriage, I’m out.”

“Then we will both be free from this curse,” I replied. 

“I was hoping you were less than a scumbag, but you’re just worse. Get out of here; you’re a stranger to me!” I snapped, turning my back to face him. I didn’t want to deal with the remnants of my family ties right now.

“No chance,” Judge’s voice echoed from the doorway, making me tense. “Do I need to remind you that’s my blood in your veins?”

I glared at him, fists clenched, resisting the urge to lash out. “That was just an example of how loyal the Germa soldiers are,” he continued. “Willing to give their lives at a moment's notice, without hesitation.”

“They’re just puppets for you to control,” I spat, my voice low with contempt. “Why the hell do you want to use them? To conquer the North Blue again?”

A smirk crossed his face, his eyes glinting with that familiar arrogance. “Quick with the uptake, aren’t you? By forming this alliance with Big Mom, we’ll strengthen our forces tenfold,” he declared, his voice brimming with pride as if the outcome were inevitable.

“And since the princess happens to be a fighter and warrior, we’ll use her skills as well,” he added, his gaze hardening, as if Y/N’s fate had already been decided. The way he spoke of her, like a tool in his arsenal, only fueled my anger.

"Honestly, I did not intend to ruffle any feathers," Judge began, his voice cold as ice. His eyes gleamed with the same ruthlessness I had grown to despise. "In order to secure this alliance, Big Mom requires a blood relative. Since I wasn’t about to let my sons be used for that demented woman’s lineage, I remembered... years ago, I had another child. You, Sanji, will be the sacrifice. I haven’t changed my opinion of you—you’re still worthless in my eyes."

My stomach twisted in anger, but before I could respond, I heard a faint click. A cold metal sensation wrapped around my wrists, and I looked down to see small, golden cuffs. "What the hell is this?" I spat, my voice rising with alarm.

He grinned, enjoying the confusion on my face. "You remember the collars the Celestial Dragons use on their slaves, don’t you? These work the same way. The cuffs will detonate if you try to run—your hands will be blown to bits," he explained, as if it were a casual conversation.

I could feel my breath quicken as the realization set in. "Take them off!" I shouted, my hands trembling in panic.

He smirked, completely unbothered by my reaction. "Oh no, I don't think so. You value your hands, don't you? For cooking, for fighting, for... Y/N?" He paused, watching my expression change as he mentioned her name. "Ah, yes. You care for her deeply, don't you?"

I froze, dread pooling in my gut.

"See, we have a special hostage—a certain someone Y/N is quite fond of from her training days. Goes by the name King, if I recall correctly." His tone grew darker, more menacing. "If Y/N doesn’t cooperate, he and everyone on that island will be wiped out. She’ll have no choice but to go along with the wedding to Ichiji."

My blood ran cold. He was playing with every piece on the board, ensuring none of us had any escape.

"You’ll marry Pudding," he continued, as if it were the simplest decision. "And Y/N will marry Ichiji. If either of you even think about defying this plan, you’ll lose your hands... and Y/N will lose her loved ones."

I could feel the rage bubbling beneath the surface, but I was trapped, completely powerless. My fists clenched at my sides, the weight of the cuffs heavy against my skin. He had me cornered, and there was nothing I could do.

"You bastard," I whispered, my voice thick with fury and fear.

As the door clicked shut, leaving me alone in my room, my father’s words echoed in my mind. "You and the princess can’t escape." The weight of his declaration felt like chains around my body, suffocating me. The thought of Y/N, bound by this twisted marriage to Ichiji, made my chest tighten. I walked to the balcony, my feet heavy as if the cuffs had already bound more than my hands—they had trapped my soul.

The cool night air hit my face, but it did nothing to calm the storm inside me. I leaned against the railing, gripping it so tightly my knuckles turned white. The future looked bleak. No way out for Y/N, no way out for me. Both of us tangled in this nightmare of arranged marriages. I wanted to scream, to break something, to tear down everything that had been forced on us. But all I could do was grip my hair tightly, my fingers trembling with frustration, and yell into the dark sky. "Damn it!" The words echoed, but the hopelessness remained, sinking deeper into me.

Y/N POV… 

I kept running in what felt like circles, my legs covered in dirt and my dress torn and tattered, with a few cuts marring my skin. One of the sleeves hung limply from my shoulder, but I couldn’t stop to assess the damage. I had to find Nami. Ever since Brulee took Carrot and Chopper, Nami had been my only hope, and I wouldn’t abandon her now.

I had tried to help Chopper as much as I could until he insisted I run, his voice trembling with urgency. The weight of my sword pressed against my back felt comforting, a reminder that I could still fight. Along with it, I clutched the small bag holding my two hidden blades and the thigh halter, my resolve growing stronger with every step.

Suddenly, my foot caught on a twisted root, and I stumbled, skinning my knee against the rough ground. I winced in pain, but I couldn't afford to stop. Not now. Not when my friends were in danger. Just then, I felt another shift in the air, a warning that danger was closing in.

I clenched my fist in rage, adrenaline surging through my veins. "That’s it!" I shouted, determination igniting within me. I pressed the red gemstone on my sword, and flames erupted along the blade, casting a fiery glow around me. The heat radiated off the metal, filling me with a sense of power I desperately needed.

With newfound purpose, I slashed through the underbrush, creating a path as the forest began to blaze around me. The flames danced, devouring the foliage in a brilliant display of orange and red, illuminating the darkness and pushing back the shadows that threatened to engulf me.

The crackling of the fire was a stark contrast to the pounding of my heart, but I pushed forward, each step fueled by the desire to reunite with Nami and Luffy. The blaze would draw attention—both from those who wished to help and those who sought to harm. But I didn’t care. I was done hiding, done running in circles.

Suddenly, I saw Nami and Luffy with the same giant from before. “Nami! Luffy!, I yelled as I made my way towards them. I hugged Nami and Luffy, relieved that they were okay. Nami begins to tell Luffy how we got separated. “I kept looking for you too, Y/N, alone until darkness fell,” Nami said, her voice carrying a hint of fatigue as she recounted the events.

“That's what matters,” Luffy said, stretching his arms out with a grin. “We’re all back together now! Alrighty then, it’s time to rescue Chopper and Carrot from that lady. Where are they?”

“Everything happened right here,” Nami explained, her eyes scanning the twisted forest. “But someone has to know something.” She turned to the giant looming underground. “Just say something already! Those weird monsters and Brulee didn’t even touch you!”

The giant turned his gaze towards Luffy and me, his curiosity piqued. “By the way, you two look pretty tough.”

Luffy scratched his head. “Thanks, I guess?”

“But what about you?” the giant asked, his attention shifting to Nami.

“Yeah! I’m strong as hell, what of it?” Nami snapped, her confidence unshaken.

The giant finally began to speak, “Well, once those things were given orders, they don’t stop until their task is completed.”

“Then why did they stop chasing us?” Nami asked, her brows furrowed in confusion.

“Well…” I started, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly. “I might have set a path on fire to get to you guys...”

Nami’s eyes widened in a mix of surprise and exasperation. “Y/N!”

“Hey, I had to make sure I found you both! It was either that or getting lost in circles,” I defended, still slightly out of breath from all the running.

Luffy laughed, seemingly unbothered. “That’s smart! Good job, Y/N. 

The giant shifted uneasily as he began to explain, “Big Mom has the abilities from consuming the Soul-Soul Fruit. She can manipulate souls, taking fragments of a person’s life. The citizens in Totoland must choose between ‘Life or Leave,’ and when they give up part of their soul—equivalent to one year of their lifespan—everything around them becomes animated.”

He paused, his voice deepening. “We lovingly call these whimsical creatures ‘Homies,’ as they are infused with the essence of people’s souls. That... is the true nature of Totoland.”

I felt my stomach twist at the thought. “I’ll say this again... I hate it here!” I declared, my voice echoing in frustration.

Luffy, frowning, crossed his arms. “Why didn’t you tell us earlier?! You’ve been watching us this whole time!”

“Yeah, just spit it out already!” Nami and I demanded together, glaring at the giant.

The giant’s eyes darkened with a mix of sadness and regret. “A very long time ago… Big Mom and I were once married�� as husband and wife.”

“WHAT?!” All three of us shouted in unison, utterly shocked by his confession.

I could hardly believe it. This giant, who seemed so detached from everything, was once married to Big Mom? It felt like the entire world had been flipped upside down.

“This is crazy!” I exclaimed, still trying to process the wild revelations.

“So, you and Big Mom were…?” I asked, trailing off in disbelief.

“We even had two daughters together,” the giant continued, his voice filled with sadness. “But we separated. It’s not like me and the Homies are friends or anything; I’m beneath them.”

Suddenly, we heard loud thudding sounds approaching fast.

“What’s going on?” I asked, glancing around as the ground shook beneath us.

“It’s getting closer!” Nami warned, her eyes wide with concern.

“Who’s this guy?” I asked, spotting a figure emerging from the trees.

Someone appeared, yanking the first giant out of the ground by force.

“Get back, you guys!” Luffy shouted as we all stepped back cautiously.

Once the dust settled, we realized something shocking. “He’s not a giant... his head is just too big!” we all said in unison, completely taken aback.

“Don’t think we wouldn’t know you’d be spilling information to the enemy!” a voice growled. It was Cracker, one of Big Mom’s commanders.

“I just wanted to give my blessing to my daughter! I heard she was married!” the giant explained, desperate. “I also heard my daughter ran away… Lola!”

“Lola?!” Nami and I exclaimed at the same time.

“Wait… could it be?” I muttered, turning to Nami.

Nami’s eyes widened in realization. “Lola told us that her mom was a pirate… so it was Big Mom! I can’t believe it. This guy… is Lola’s father?”

Suddenly, a voice from behind shouted, “It’s the bird and the rabbit guy!”

“What?!” I turned, spotting Randolph, the rabbit, and his crane mount approaching.

Before they could get any closer, Cracker used Haki, halting them instantly.

“Wait a second… was that Haki?!” Luffy exclaimed.

“They all screamed in terror!” I added, watching as the homies withered away by Cracker’s presence.

“This is about to be a long, long night, you guys,” I said, gripping the hilt of my sword tightly.

“Well, Randolph…” Cracker began, his voice low and menacing. Suddenly, the rabbit and bird began speaking.

“You mean to tell me they can talk?!” I blurted, bewildered by the absurdity of it all.

Cracker continued, “You know Mama likes to stay ahead of the curve, especially after Strawhat Luffy defeated Doflamingo. And this princess here—” He glanced in my direction. “—also fought with him twice. She assumed Brulee would have trouble, so she sent me.”

Suddenly, Brulee’s voice echoed from afar. “Did my ears deceive me, or did I hear my dear brother correctly?”

“It’s official—I hate it here times three,” I muttered, completely done with the chaos surrounding us.

“It’s the tree monster!” Luffy exclaimed.

“She’s back, huh?” I sighed. “Looks like someone’s asking for a round two.”

“If she ordered me to off them, I would’ve done it!” Brulee hissed, emerging from the shadows.

“That’s right!” the talking tree Homie added. “We are the Seducing Woods team. We would’ve never let a single one of you live.”

I narrowed my eyes at the tree, ready to retaliate. “Listen, Branch,” I said defiantly.

“It’s Brulee!” she snapped back.

“Same thing,” I retorted, gripping the gemstone on my sword, ready to strike. “Looks like you’re really asking for a round two.”

Before I could make my move, Cracker interrupted us, his voice cutting through the tension like a blade. "It doesn't matter, Brulee. By tomorrow at noon, the Vinsmokes will be arriving at the Whole Cake Chateau, making time a precious commodity. Forming a family connection with the Vinsmokes has been a long-awaited goal that Mama has been working towards. She’ll finally be able to obtain Germa 66's military might and scientific technology," he explained, his eyes gleaming with malice.

I tensed, knowing where this was going.

"And the princess here," Cracker added, his gaze locking onto me, "she’s also set to marry the other Vinsmoke. He’s expecting her there as well."

My heart sank, anger swirling inside me at the mention of the arranged marriage. My grip tightened on my sword. "Over my dead body," I growled.

Nami shot me a worried glance, while Luffy clenched his fists, ready to fight. "We're not letting that happen!" he declared with his usual fire.

Brulee stepped forward, her sneer mocking us. "I know that already," she said with confidence, snapping her fingers as the clones around us shimmered and reverted back into animals. "She turned them back into animals!" Luffy exclaimed, wide-eyed.

"Wait a second, how can a tree talk?" Luffy added, confused.

I rolled my eyes. "See? This is why I nicknamed her Branch."

"It’s Brulee!" she snapped back, clearly irritated. "Besides, can a tree do this?" She held up a mirror, revealing Carrot and Chopper trapped inside.

"Luffy!" cried Chopper. "Luffy, Nami, Y/N, come and set us free!" Carrot added, tears in her eyes.

"Carrot! Chopper!" I shouted, stepping closer, my heart racing. "What happened? How did you get in there?" Luffy asked, bewildered.

Brulee smirked. "I took them to my mirror world. I can use a tricky ability, so you'd better be careful." "I’ve got these fools right where I want them," she taunted, suddenly dropping the mirror.

Instinctively, I lunged forward, catching it just before it could shatter on the ground. "I’ve got you guys," I breathed, my grip tight on the fragile surface. Relief washed over me, but it was short-lived.

Out of nowhere, Brulee emerged from the mirror, her fist connecting with my face before I had time to react. Pain shot through my lip as I hit the ground, the mirror slipping from my grasp and shattering into countless pieces.

"Y/N!" Nami screamed, rushing to my side. I groaned, wiping the blood from my mouth as I struggled to my feet, my sword still clenched in my hand.

"What happened?!" Luffy shouted, his voice laced with concern.

"We’re fine!" Carrot’s voice came from the broken shards. "It didn’t hurt us."

"Nothing happened here in the mirror world," Chopper added.

"That’s good news, at least," Luffy sighed, but his fists remained clenched, his eyes narrowed at Brulee.

"Luffy, listen!" Chopper said urgently, his voice echoing from the fragments of the shattered mirror. "We found out something important!"

Just as Chopper was about to reveal something important, Cracker grabbed the giant, ready to strike him down. Luffy quickly intervened.

“Second Gear! Are you ready? Gomu Gomu no… Red Hawk!” Luffy shouted as he lunged at Cracker.

Cracker managed to block the fiery punch, sprouting another arm. “You have a third arm?!” Luffy exclaimed, his excitement showing even in the midst of the battle.

Nami and I exchanged a glance as Luffy continued his relentless attack. “Nami, Y/N! Find a safe spot, okay?” Luffy called out, his eyes never leaving Cracker.

“Right!” we both nodded. I sheathed my sword once more, clutching my bag tightly as we sprinted away. The homies around us began to shift threateningly, but Nami quickly flashed Lola’s vivre card, halting them in their tracks.

“This must be Big Mom’s vivre card,” Nami said, her confidence rising as the homies froze.

"Whoa, Luffy!" Nami shouted as Luffy was knocked back toward us, the tree behind him slashed clean through.

“Damn it, this guy sucks!” Luffy grumbled, shaking off the dirt.

“You shall learn to respect Thousand Arm Cracker!” Cracker roared, tapping his body as even more limbs sprouted.

“This just got weirder,” I muttered.

Luffy continued to engage Cracker, but he was struggling. “Luffy, you can’t turn this into an all-out fight!” Nami warned.

“We need to find Sanji and leave this demented place,” Nami added, her voice laced with urgency.

“And stop my wedding,” I chimed in, determination burning in my eyes.

Cracker turned his gaze toward me, “Insolent brat, gaze upon my swords! Best remember the name—Pretzel!”

“Yeah, no. That’s just going to make me hungry,” I said, feeling my stomach rumble.

“Huh? How can you call it one of a kind when you’re holding six of them?” Nami questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“That’s a good point,” the giant added from the sidelines.

Suddenly, Cracker launched Luffy farther away. Nami and I froze in panic as he disappeared into the distance.

“Oh no!” I exclaimed, watching as Cracker began his pursuit.

“Even Luffy is having a hard time,” Nami muttered in disbelief.

“Hang on, Luffy! We’re coming!” I shouted as we began running toward him, only to be blocked by a massive tree trunk.

“Great, what now?” I groaned, frustrated by yet another obstacle.

Brulee cackled from above. “Not so fast, missy. You forgot—I’m still here.”

I smirked, enjoying the chance to rile her up. “Well, you kind of blend in with the trees, Branch, so it was easy to forget.”

“It’s Brulee!” she snapped, her anger flaring.

“Looks like we have to fight them, Nami,” I said, clenching my fists and activating the electrical and fire charges.

“The Worst Generation, huh? Whoop-de-doo,” Brulee sneered. “You all spout nonsense about your captains becoming King of the Pirates, but it always ends the same way… in despair.”

She continued with a smug look, “You wander into Mama’s territory, and you’ll learn the same lesson Captain Kidd did… the same as Apoo, Gang Bege, and even the Mad Monk Urouge. Only Bege had the sense to join us. The rest? They never even caught a glimpse of Mama.”

The mention of Kidd’s name made my eyes widen in shock. I silently gasped, my heart racing, and Nami noticed, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. “Y/N…” Nami whispered, trying to piece it together, but I quickly averted my gaze, unwilling to reveal anything just yet. 

Brulee began to talk about Mad Monk Uroge, who had managed to take down one of the four Sweet Generals. “Mama was furious; she sent Brother Cracker to finish the job,” she said, pulling out another mirror and laughing wickedly. “Your friend has nowhere left to run. I imagine he’s on his last breath by now.”

She suddenly dropped the mirror, but it didn’t crack. Instead, it landed in front of me. “She’s gone,” Nami said, fear creeping into her voice. We both leaned closer to the mirror, seeing our reflections distorted by the shimmering surface.

“Nami, get behind me,” I instructed, my heart pounding. Suddenly, the mirror revealed Brulee’s face as she began to step out slowly, her expression twisted in delight. “Listen closely, you’ve reached your final stop in the New World. You want to fight an Emperor? You fools won’t even get close to Mama,” she sneered. “Infiltrating the tea party, stopping these weddings, and then walking out alive with your crewmates? This forest will be your final resting place.”

The mirror began to turn into liquid, and panic surged through me. “Nami, run!” I shouted, but before I could react, Brulee’s hand shot out, grabbing my left leg and pulling me down hard against the ground.

“Welcome to Mirror World! You’re going to love it here!” she cackled, and I thrashed violently, trying to free myself. I lifted my right leg, aiming a tremor kick at her head, but she caught my other leg, twisting me around like a rag doll.

“Oh no, Y/N!” Nami cried out, helpless to intervene as I clawed at the ground, desperately trying to reach for my sword. My fingers dug into the dirt, as I finally reached the hilt of my sword digging it into the ground, gripping it tightly as Brulee’s nails raked against my legs.

“Ahh!” I screamed, a mix of pain and fury coursing through me. “Let me go!”

“Come on, come on! Come to old Brulee!” she taunted, her grip tightening as she tried to pull me towards her. My arms felt like they were slipping away, the weight of her strength bearing down on me. I couldn’t pull out my blades; she’d still try to drag me in!

The once-white fabric of my dress was now stained and torn as I struggled against her grasp. “I can’t wait to teach you a lesson,” she said with a sadistic grin.

“I’m not going to let go!” I shouted back defiantly. “This branch really is annoying!”

“Nami, stay back!” I yelled, not wanting her to get pulled into this mess.

“Pound! Help her!” Nami shouted desperately, trying to rally our ally.

“Let her go, Brulee!” Pound said, almost landing a punch on her. Finally, with a growl of annoyance, Brulee released me, sending me flying into a nearby tree. I landed hard, the impact jarring my body, and I breathed slowly, wincing as her nails had left deep marks in my skin.

“Y/N!” Nami called out, rushing toward me. She helped me back up, concern etched on her face. As we began to walk back toward Pound and Brulee, I stopped her.

“Nami, wait.” I reached for my thigh halter and blades, securing them firmly against my thigh, feeling their familiar power surge through me as the blades glowed a bright white. “Here, take this bag.” I handed her my satchel, and she slung it over her shoulder.

“Thanks a bunch, Pound,” Nami said, a hint of determination in her voice.

“Are you serious? Nice going, Pound! You just committed treason against Mama!” Brulee spat, her tone sharp and accusatory.

“But I didn’t mean to,” Pound stammered, glancing between Nami and Brulee as if trying to gauge the situation.

“You’re dead to us, and soon you’ll be just dead,” Brulee hissed, her voice dripping with malice as she struggled to regain her footing.

Before she could recover, Nami took a step forward, her expression fierce. “Let’s end this!” With a swift motion, she released her Thunderbolt Tempo, the powerful strike illuminating the darkened mirror world. The bolt connected with Brulee, who shrieked in surprise and pain, her body convulsing as the electric energy coursed through her.

Brulee’s form began to shimmer and fade, slowly sinking back into the mirror world, unconscious. “Way to go, Nami!” I exclaimed, patting her on the back as relief washed over me.

“Thanks!” she said, a triumphant grin spreading across her face.

I moved toward where my sword had fallen, retrieving it from the ground and securing it behind me once more. With my sword and blades firmly in place, I felt a sense of readiness surge through me. “That reminds me, are you one of Lola’s friends?” Pound asked, glancing at Nami with curiosity.

Nami nodded, pulling out the Vivre Card that Lola had given her. The card glowed faintly in response to the mention of her friend, causing the surrounding Homies to back away, their eyes wide with recognition.

“Looks like that answers that,” I said, smirking at Nami’s cleverness. “I’ll make sure to put it to good use,” she teased, her confidence growing as she brandished the card like a weapon.

Sanji POV… 

Night had fallen as I gazed out of the castle window from my room, the cool breeze rustling through the curtains. I stared up at the sky, my mind wandering, unable to find peace. My thoughts inevitably drifted to Y/N—the woman I cared for more than I could express. "Has she eaten?" I thought, concern gnawing at me. "Is she safe?" The idea of her trapped in this twisted arrangement made my blood boil. It was cruel, forcing Y/N into this nightmare, using King and those she loved as leverage.

And the worst part? "She doesn't even know." I growled under my breath, taking a drag from my cigarette, the smoke swirling around me in the dimly lit room. The weight of it all pressed on my chest—the deception, the manipulation, the damn Vinsmokes. I couldn’t stand it.

"Trouble sleeping?" came a familiar voice from behind me.

I didn’t bother turning around. “What do you want from me?” I muttered, flicking the ash off my cigarette.

"Give me some credit,” Reiju said, her voice soft but knowing. “Your big sister’s worried about her little brother.”

I scoffed at the sentiment. Worried? About me? That was hard to believe, especially considering everything. She moved closer, leaning against the wall beside me, but my eyes stayed focused on the stars above.

"You excited to see Ichiji and Niji tomorrow?" she asked, and my jaw clenched at the mention of those names. I could feel my blood boiling just thinking about them—the two bastards who had tormented me my entire childhood. Memories flooded back—Ichiji's sneering face as he threw punches, Niji laughing as he kicked me when I was down.

They hadn’t changed. And now Ichiji had dragged Y/N into this mess, planning a wedding ceremony that was as forced as my own.

“It’s been thirteen years since the whole family’s been back together,” Reiju continued, trying to fill the silence, but I wasn’t in the mood for nostalgia. “Tomorrow’s going to be a very busy day. We’re meeting Big Mom at the Whole Cake Chateau for your engagement ceremony with Pudding...”

I nearly crushed the cigarette in my fingers, the rage bubbling up.

“...And then it’ll be Ichiji and Y/N’s engagement ceremony.”

Those words hit me like a punch to the gut. Y/N—my Y/N—was being thrown into a ceremony with that monster, and she didn’t even know the full extent of the situation. The thought of her standing there, unaware of the strings being pulled behind her back, made me sick.

“He’s already having an engagement ceremony without her being there in the first place!” I barked, turning to face Reiju, my voice full of venom. “He’s doing this to make it all look perfect while she’s being trapped in this nightmare!”

Reiju’s face remained impassive, but there was a flicker of something in her eyes. “It’s the way the Vinsmokes work, Sanji. It’s all a game to them.”

I gritted my teeth, my hands balling into fists. “It’s not a game to her. It’s not a game to me.”

There was silence between us for a moment, the tension heavy. My thoughts kept returning to Y/N—how she deserved more than this sick charade. The only thing keeping me going was the hope that we could find a way out of this before it was too late.

Taking another drag of my cigarette, I turned back to the moon, its pale light spilling into the room.Hang in there, Y/N. I thought silently, watching the smoke drift toward the open window. I’ll find a way to save you.

[chiiyuuvv]

BESTIEEE

I FINALLY PASSED MY HISTORY EXAM💃💃💃💃

I failed this exam A LOT OMG

BUT guess what...I PASSED IT WITH 100/100

Girl I can't believe it🥹🥹

SAUR how do you think xikers will react to you passing an exam/important test that you were working on for a long time/stressing over a lot?

You can write it whenever you can cuz I think your requests are closed, BUT I CAN WAIT. I want YOUR thoughts because you are the best writer on this app frfr. So take your time

Anyways take care bestie, don't skip your meals, love youu🤍

-🌵 anon<3

• PAIRING — bf!xikers x gn!reader

• GENRE — proud xikerss :DD, slight kissing, almost wrote a whole fic for hunter-

• WORD COUNT — 782

• AUTHOR'S NOTE — sorry this is so late!! And good job on your tests :O

• TAGLIST — @lil-elle , @hyunukitty , @cake1box , @mars101 , @nenede , @soul-is-a-strange-kid , @the-lemon-boy , @yuniniverse

MASTERLIST! – JOIN THE TAGLIST!

MINJAE ☆

Hes not even surprised atp, he knows how smart you are

But boy does he pretend to be shocked, his hand covering his mouth as he takes in another gasp

But his other hand is hiding behind his back

You seem to notice and the only thing he can do is giggle, revealing an neatly folded box

Turns out there was a very pretty necklace inside, minjae spinning you around to put it on you, whispering in your ear how pretty you look and how proud he is ♡

JUNMIN ☆

Makes sure you do nothing for the rest of the week

So what if its monday?? He'll do anything for his precious baby since you worked so hardd

Will make your meals and clean the kitchen, your room, your study area

Even gives you a bath

And he wont stop either, that is, if you want cuddles ♡

SUMIN ☆

Sumin knew how stressed out you'd get with your exams so he prepared you a little smth!!

(And also some tissues)

Finally uncovering your eyes, you find a self portrait of yourself studying

And lemme just say how beautiful you look

The lines sketched with such care and patients, now you know why sumin had been smiling so much lately ♡

JINSIK ☆

I think this calls for pizza!! 🗣🗣‼‼

Also makes sure you do nothing. All you gotta do is just there and look pretty and that was already took no effort

Also a movie night because why not, and you've been meaning to catch up on some movies, also why not??

His arm wrapped your shoulder at all times, and will whine if you try to move around

Plus random cheek kisses, yeah, thats about it ♡

HYUNWOO ☆

Decides to buy tickets last minute and takes you to the fair!!

Lots of hand holding and pda, wiping some off the cinnamon off of your lips caused by your churros

Will attempt to get you those huge teddy bears, but sulks when he cant so you just gotta give him some kisses

Also the ferris wheel!!

Makes sure youre at the tippy top then he processed to tell you how proud his is and how special you mean to him, sealing it with a kiss ♡

JUNGHOON ☆

Yall know junghoon isnt that big on physical affection

But when he hears the news hes a changed man

His eyes shot open and his hands moving faster than his brain, picking you up and spinning you around when he gives you the biggest kiss on your cheek

Wait whaat??

Wdym he did that no he didnt stop being so delusional he didnt kiss your cheek and secretly enjoyed it but not enjoying your teasings rn shut up 🙄 ♡

SEEUN ☆

"Really?! I thought you failed!!"

His response earned him a huge punch

But hes only joking, ruffling your hair before dialing his phone, calling everyone and their mom to tell the news

Man does more than just spill the tea, he makes it from scratch

Hes overally dramatic when he tells your adventure, saying how you had to cross 7 seas just to find the right answer.. but you love him anyways 🤷‍♀️ ♡

YUJUN ☆

Hes wants to hear all about it, so spill the tea 😠😠

Another one to think you taking a test was so dramatic, having to slay a dragon just to get the right answer to a question

And boy is he listening!! (He listens to you more than minjae)

He'd be so awestruck when youre done, his jaw lefted open and hes looking at you with sparkly eyes

Hes so proud of you too :(( ♡

HUNTER ☆

Also think hes like minjae with the gift giving, pulling out this beautiful bracelet he bought months ahead of time because he knew you'd do well

But unlike minjae, he takes you out to dinner!!

Yes, a big, fancy dinner. And hes paying for it all by himself <3

Hunters prince agenda omgomg

No bc he'd drop down on his knees to kiss the back of your hand, making sure to look up at you in the process, opens every. Since. Door in sight and also pushes you into your chair. Andd he also leans against the table to wipe something off the corner of your lips, giggling to himself bc youre just so adorable. i could write a whole fic honestly... ♡

YECHAN ☆

You passed your exam? Give him a hug

You got an A?? Give him a hug

You thought you were going to fail? Frowns at you, before hugging you tightly

Spends the rest of the day giving you so much love, youre only allowed to be in his arms

And is the boy so soft??? The most gentle hes ever been ♡

[oingo233]

Rapture is a Boy (8)

Summary: Remus and you have always had a playful, loving relationship but his behavior around the full moon leads you to assume the worst. A huge fight ends with the two of you heartbroken. Will Remus reveal the truth behind his behavior?  And will you still love him afterwards or has he truly lost you forever?

Young Remus Lupin x Reader(neutral)

Warning: FLUFF, so much fluff you could drown in it, self-doubt (brief) 

Authors Note: This is the last part, which is crazy to me, I truly hope yall love it.  This series is dear to my heart because it has allowed me to meet and talk to you and so many other amazing people!  You all mean so much to me, and Remus is my lil baby too. I can’t even express how much I appreciate and love you all <3

Word Count: 5k

Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven

                                                    Part Eight

                                      ****A Stag, a Rat and a Dog***

Remus POV

“That was-” Peter couldn’t even finish his sentence, he just laughed, he laughed so loud it was hard not to join in with him.  James pat his back and nodded, wiping some of the blue glitter off on his shirt.

“Right, mate.” he agreed.  Sirius was bouncing in his spot, none of our smiles breaking or dimming. “Another notch under the belt of our legacy of awesome,” he all but sang, all of our cheeks still flushed from this morning. He hit Sirius’s arm and they began to race up the stairs, Peter and I followed, jogging after them.  “Lily loved it too!” he added, smiling even bigger at just the thought of her, he was beating Sirius.  

We all stopped running and Sirius was scowling, he lost, we all stood at the portrait when Sirius turned to me.  “Worked well on (Y/N) too,” he stated, smirking at me and making a sexual motion with his hips, James laughed and I pushed him. “Ew, your palms are sweaty.”

“We’ll excuse me, ABBA sweats no doubt after giving the performance of a life time.” I say while James says the word and the painting opens for us. “Besides, it has worked for now.  But they are still oblivious to the truth.  I might lose them all over again, once they know.”

The mood seemed to darken at this realization.  Not everyone is as understanding about my condition as the boys. That’s the real reason I couldn’t stop sweating, and if the boys looked close enough they’d see I couldn’t stop shaking ever so slightly too.  I just got (Y/N) back, I’m not sure how well I’d be able to cope with losing them a second, and final time.  My heart broke just at the thought, and at the very realization that I might have to prepare myself for such an outcome.

“Mate, (Y/N) is one of the people in this world that loves you most.  Besides us of course,” James smiled softly, trying to lighten the mood whenever he could, “I doubt, that anything could make them think differently of you.  You’re not just your condition.  You’re Remus feckin Lupin!” The other boys cheered in agreement as we stepped into our dorms, Peter even went as far as rubbing my shoulders to build up my confidence, he saw a trainer do it to a wrestler on muggle TV once.

“And we’ve got a romantic feckin plan!” Peter cheers, still excited about what is yet to happen. I swallow thickly once more, this day could be one of the best in a while, or the absolute worst.  I guess we’ll know tonight.  

“Yes, and are you guys sure you are okay with this?” I ask, for the fifth time.  James rolls his eyes, and Sirius bangs his head on the dorm room wall.  

“Yes, Moony.  Yes. Yes. Yes.  We are okay with this for the millionth time.  (Y/N) is our friend too, and all we want is to see the lot of ya happy again, so will ya shut up about it.  We already agreed, mate,” Sirius says, looking up just barely lifting his head from the wall.

“And we don’t like lying to (Y/N) either,” James says, Peter nods with each word falling from their lips, as he tugs on pants and grabs a new, not bedazzled, robe.

We were still talking and going over plans for tonight when we left for first period.  The common room was quite expect for our meshed whispers and loud footfalls, it wasn’t until the painting door swung open that we heard another sound.  An all too familiar sound.

Professor McGonagall cleared her throat before us.  Her hands folded in at her chest and her pointed eyes trained on us, unblinking.  We all swallowed thickly, our fear and respect for her almost overwhelmed our courage and friendliness towards her.  Almost.

“Did ya enjoy the concert, Minnie?  I was singing just for you.” Sirius said, smiling and trying not to laugh as her expression remained unmoving.  James joined in and I nearly rolled my eyes, but a smile found it’s way onto my lips nonetheless.

“Yeah, we saw ya a-tap-tap-tappy your toes!” He says, doing a little dance.  I was amazed by her ability to not even crack a smile at our enthusiasm, but then again, this was nothing new to her.  “ABBA gets to the best of us doesn’t it?”  As if on cue, Sirius was speaking again. I fought my smile and faked a sullen expression, fingers crossed behind my back, this was the part where one of us tried to weasel our way out of trouble.

“Exactly, our hearts were in it Professor, truly we had good reason and we weren’t hurting anyone.  Shame.  Just a shame Dumbledore gave us detention, any more severe punishment just wouldn’t make any sense.”  She raised a brow and in a last attempt I put in a word of my own.

“But you’re always so sensible Ms. McGonagall. I’m sure your punishment for us will be well-deserved.  Perhaps our outfits were too flashy?” Peter chuckles beside me, and shows her the inside of his robe.

“But this one isn’t at all. Ya see?” He shows her adamantly until she raises a hand and we are drowning in silence, she made us sweat in our palms and neck before speaking.

“Yes.  It appears your shenanigans are over.  But Lucy is still in the hospital wing scrubbing at her skin, the smell is pungent and unmoving.  It seems, Sirius,” She turns to face him, his adam apple bobs, “You did hurt someone.  The real shame is that you don’t seem bothered by that fact.  Follow me, boys.” She said, turning on us, her robes nearly swinging up and hitting our shins.  We follow wordlessly and with our heads down, her words bothered us a little, what really stung was the disappointment on her face and in her frown. (Though Sirius swears he heard her singing along).

She went to Peter’s class first, he went to follow her inside but she raised a hand and said “Oh, you won’t be going to class this morning, Mr.Pettigrew.” She excused Peter herself, whispering into the teachers ear.  My heart sank at the realization that I would not be seeing (Y/N) again this morning, James eyes me, my mood obviously changed.  I couldn’t even spend any time with them before tonight, our lunch would serve as detention as well. I might never get to see them again after tonight, couldn’t even enjoy this little time I have before the truth is out.  I won’t be able to be at peace until tonight or maybe even after, because who will love a monster?

For the rest of the morning we were locked in McGonagall’s empty classroom, writing out letters of apology to be given to Lucy in person later that day.  And attempting to come up with a charm or some potion that would reverse the long lasting affect of the Stink Bombs that we have created.  Wouldn’t be a marauders prank unless everything was well crafted, would it?  But now, our little spell seems to be our downfall.  Luckily, we found the right reversion potion, and it was taken to Madame Pom. immediately.  By the time we were allowed to leave, the bell for second period had just rang.

I sat through my classes with sweaty hands, and bouncing legs.  I agonized in the silence of detention about all that could go wrong, several times I re-debated whether I should really tell (Y/N) the truth, but it was clear that I needed too.  I have lied for too long, and it has cost me too much.  The truth will set me free...or at least I hope it will.  I sat through my very last classes feeling both sick, and determined.  Before we knew it, it was dinner time and James, Sirius, Peter and I snuck out of the castle for our final act of salvation.  Our last attempt to make things right.

Your POV

The ground was rocky and uneven below my feet, between the clumps of dirt and hidden rocks this trip to Hagrids hut felt more like a mountain climbing experience than anything else.  But my breathing was not ragged and exaggerated because of the walk, no, it was because ever since this morning my heart has been beating out of control.  I’ve been breathless and filled with both anxiety and warmth since Remus kissed my cheek and handed me this note.

Tonight will mark either the end or the fresh start of our relationship, of our friendship...of our love.  

My head is spinning as I stumble over a pumpkin root. What has he been hiding from me?  Is it something bad, or big, or maybe something he is just blowing way out of proportion?  What if the truth pulls us apart even more than the lies?

I shake my head in an attempt to free myself of this anxiety that swells in my stomach like a churning sea.  Whatever it is, I will face it with patience and love, but also self-respect.  I repeat this to myself until before I know it, I am at Hagrids hut.  The walls of his house seemed to mountain over me, it smelled strongly of firewhiskey, burning firewood,rich dirt and sweet pumpkins.  The smell did wonders in calming my mind, but I rather large frown makes its way onto my face as I look around.  There was absolutely no one in sight.

I cuss under my breath.  Maybe this is the wrong place.  Maybe Remus is late?  I chew at my bottom lip and take a few large steps around the hut, my eyes keep going back to analyze the trees of the forest.  The shadows of the forbidden forest seemed to reach for me.  It called for me.  As if it was a whirlpool sucking me in I stepped towards it, staring into the layers of dark, large trees.  

I held my breath as a bush by the very edge of the forest shook, rustling leaves and snapping twigs filled the brisk night air.  I shivered, whether it was from the cold or the sudden fear I was not sure, but I did not have time to debate my feelings because suddenly, a canopy of dark green vines, hanging from the trees shifted.  

Large, cream horns parted the vines and drooping tree leaves, a particular branch got stuck on the intricate swirling of the horns and snapped completely as the creature stepped further from the shadows, revealing itself to me. 

A beautiful Stag stood proud, it’s thick coat shone under the moonlight, it’s chest puffed out at me with pride.  The horns only added to it’s graceful height, but it’s eyes are what truly took my breath away.  Those round, warm eyes they were so human.  So familiar.  Before I could debate it any further, the Stag stamped it’s hoof in the dirt softly, it snorted and white air swirled around it’s soft face.  Only then did I notice the beautiful yellow rose, plucked from a bush and resting at it’s front legs.

I bring a shaky hand to my mouth, barely able to comprehended the wave of emotions that nearly knock me to my feet. This was of Remus’s doing.  But...how?  The Stag inclines it’s head curiously at me to the right, it’s large ears flicking with some sort of impatience, or unrest.  Only then did I fully seem to understand the familiarity of this creature.  

“James?” I gasp.  The Stag seems to stand even taller at me, and...smiles.  With my mouth still hanging wide open I let out a boisterous laugh.  “James!” I almost yell, the Stag snorts again and leans it’s head down, using his nose to push the rose towards me.  The movement doesn’t help me get over my shock, but it stirs me into action.  I begin to cautiously walk forwards, and as I do the Stag er, James, picks up the rose between it’s teeth, when I am close enough he softly nuzzles it into my hand.  I grip it tightly, it has already been de-thorned.

Carefully, with my free hand, I reach it out just a few inches in front of me and James places his Stag head onto my palm.  I pet him softly, he stares up at me and it was as if I was staring at James himself.

“You clever bastard!” I exclaim, I knew how hard becoming Animigus is, but why would he do such a thing?  I was broken out of my trance when the Stag (James) begins to walk, slowly at first, he looks back at me and inclines his head first and it was as if I could just hear him saying, in his cheeky manner ‘Ladies first, of course,”

I swallow thickly and fight another bout of paralyzing shock, and instead smile, following James through the forest.  His hoofs sinking softly into the ground, the sound was methodic and helped with the strange over pour of emotions I’m feeling.

What happened next, is actually quite embarrassing.  It started with a little scamper by my feet.  Considering how far we’ve walked into the forest I was more than a bit concerned for my safety, but the large, strong Stag beside me cast most of my fears to the side.  Then, through a break of moonlight through the trees I saw it.  A large, fat rat!

I screamed so loud, dark ravens flew from their slumbers in the trees.  James beside me stomped his feet, and checked the perimeter with analyzing eyes, searching for the danger.  But they only found the rat.  I never thought a Stag could give such an amused, disappointed expression, yet here I stand.  Clinging to a deers ass for dear life, and he is looking back at me with said expression. My cheeks flush and I let go of his furry back, then the Rat very slowly inches towards me.  

It’s sharp nose lifting and dancing from side to side, it’s soft brown eyes sparkling up at me.  I’d say it even looked a little cute, friendly even.  But what unusual behavior, and what unusual eyes.  It’s tail glowing under the white light like a plump, pink worm...

“Wormtail!” I realize, laughter bubbling from my chest. The Rat lets out a gleeful squeak and James besides me snorts once again, seeming to laugh.  The Rat scurried off into the shadows, and I can’t help but berate myself.  Did I hurt his feelings?

But then he comes bounding back into sight, he stands on his back legs and his little Rat face seemed to glow with excitement as his pink hands unveiled a small little white wildflower.  The same kind Remus would pick for me on walks we took together. My smile only grows bigger as I do a sweet curtsey and pick up the flower mid-bow, lifting it up to my nose as I stand straight again.  

“My apologies, you know I don’t like rats.  But I suppose I’ll have to make an exception for you.” I smile down at him, and he reveals two yellow buck teeth, smiling up at me with as much of a smile any rat can muster.  I fail to hold in my laughter but extend my arm to him, he climbs up it and perches himself on my shoulder.  I hold the two flowers in one hand, and rest my other on James soft shoulder, so I can be led through the dark forest, I knew by know, they were leading me to Remus.

Peter climbs down my other arm and onto James back, then up his head.  I laugh as Peter holds on for deer(hehe I’m funny) life as James jokingly waves his head back and forth, Peter almost falls off but I help him back.  We all seem to laugh in our own ways, when suddenly a loud bark cuts through the sound of laughter and owls and even the rustling of the woods around us.  It was loud and impatient and yet humorous, it reminded me of someone I know well.  I smirk, raising a brow I turn to the equally amused Stag and Rat, James and Peter.

“Wormtail.  Prongs,” I say, motioning to the Stag who only inclines his head again, “And Padfoot.  Let me guess... Sirius is also some animal wandering these woods, finding us by chance?  A wolf, perhaps?  A dog?” They don’t say a thing, they only begin to walk again.  Turning us towards the sound of the echoing bark.

I was on the ground before I knew what was happening.  We’ve walked just a few more minutes and then a cloud of black overcame my sense and tackled me to the floor.  Black, Sirius Black, was a dog and on top of me.  He was barking right by my ear and cuddling me, it wasn’t until two little Rat hands attempted to push his leg that he got off.  

I was laughing uncontrollably, this was all too much.  Too crazy.  I knew they were geniuses, but this... becoming Animagus and though the reason was unclear I could feel it, something to do with Remus.  With Moony.  The nickname had a new meaning to me, and I wasn’t sure what yet, but I was sure I was about to find out.  

Sirius was racing around me in circles as I stood up.  His black tail wagging wildly, and his fur rustled and tossed under the wind.  I wanted to coo and awe, though his eyes were human and mischievous, the rest of him was adorable and strong.  A proud, handsome looking dog.  It was clear, by his behavior, that he was just as excited to reveal this big secret, as I was to know the truth.

“Sirius!  You dog,” I joke, a bad one on my part but he still barked with laughter and I shook my head, taking in the three of them.  This was, Merlin, I didn’t even know what this was other than beyond surprising and impressive.  Shocking.

Suddenly, Sirius makes one last dart behind me, he sends me in a spin and by the time I can control my footing he is back in front of me.  He is sitting on his back legs, front paws up in the air and bent in a cute trick, his ears flopped forward.  Just above his paws, drooping from the jaws of his mouth is a single daffodil.  Daffodils, like the one written about in this favorite poem of mine that Remus would read me on bad days, I Wandered Lonely as A Cloud by William Wordsworth.

I sigh, tilting my head to the left, a soft smile on my lips.  Everything about this was amazing and sweet.  It was amazing that the boys had this whole other life I never knew about, which I’m sure there will be a reasonable explanation for my ignorance because ouch.  But sweet, because this was obviously planned my Remus, but the boys were taking their own time to make it happen.  I bend down and pat Sirius’s head, the only time he lets me touch his hair, I think, almost laughing.  His tail wags as I pluck the flower from his mouth and he lets it fall easily into my hand.

I gather it with my other flowers, now forming a little bouquet and bring the whole lot of them up to my face and inhale. I close my eyes as I smell the sweet and powerful aromas, memories with Remus filled my head, and with it, a warmth filled my chest.  

“I hope this hasn’t been all too much for you.  I thought some truths would be better seen than told,” Remus says, walking up behind me.  I spin around, I didn’t even notice the sound of crunching leaves behind me. But I couldn’t find it in me to speak, the moonlight dancing across Remus’s face, highlighting his eyes, and the soft curves of his lips with the ragged lines of his scars, I was astounded by the boy before me.  Once again entranced.  All the anxiety, all the fear has left me, as I stared at him clad in fancy pants and a button up to match.  

He stops walking, unsure of where he stands with me.  I step towards him, finding some clearing in the haze I begin to speak.

“It’s wonderful.  They’re wonderful,” I say, turning with a thankful smile to the stag, the rat and the dog. They each in turn, show their teeth at me in an attempt of a smile.  I laugh and beside me, Remus does too.  With a nod of his head, they turn their backs on us and leave.  I no longer needed guidance or safety.  Remus stood before me and I felt something that has been missing for the past couple of days.  And even though I was in the middle of the dangerous, forbidden forest, I knew that I was also home.  

“I love the flowers. I must say, this night has already taken the most unexpected turn it could, but the nicknames definitely make more sense,” I attempt a bad joke, a habit of mine in a nerve wracking situation but Remus only seems to grimace slightly, before turning it into a smile, though it was a rather sad one.

“Well, you seem to be taking this well.  Have you figured out mine yet?” He asked, his sad tone surprising me. We were so close his voice dropped low just out of habit it seemed, and because the short distance between us put us in a trance.  I missed him.  I missed him so much my body now seemed to come back from the dead and reach for him, I was alive again with dancing butterflies and buzzing questions.  I glanced down to his lips, before taking a step back. 

“No.  But I can guess.  It makes sense, once every month you seem to leave me.  You change into someone who is distant, someone who doesn't seem to love me,” He steps forwards, looking pained by this realization, but as I speak it becomes clearer to me, but I can’t yet reach the conclusion.

“I will never become a person who doesn’t love you.  I will change and grow but you will be the one thing that remains.  You don’t have to guess anymore, but I want you to know that my love for you will always remain, even if after tonight, we do not,” he speaks with such reverence, like our love was something scared to him and deep down, I knew I felt the same way.  It is my first love, and if I can help it, than he will be my only lover until the day I die.  All I can do is nod as he steps forwards again, I can see a bead of sweat roll down the apple of his cheek, he was about to tell me.  I can feel the shaking of his hands as he places them in mine.

Suddenly, his unbreaking stare leaves me, and in place, find the bright moon.  Twinkling in the sky and illuminating us in its wake.  I understood in that moment, Moony.  A boy mapped with scars.  Moony.  A boy plagued by nightmares, and insecurities.  Moony.  A tough, but oh so scared boy who seemed to hate the very night itself.  Moony.  The boy who changes during the month, and is gone completely on the full moon.  Moony.  Moony, the Werewolf.

I pull on his hands and gather him into my embrace, pulling back only to kiss him sweetly.  The world becomes ours as our lips dance with one another to a song we’ve heard before.  It is the song of him making love to me.  It is the song of the poems he reads me and the flowers he picks.  It is the song of the moons very envy as she watches us together.  The song of lovers.  It moves us.  It moves my hands up his neck and through his hair.  It moves his lips across my cheek and jaw and then down my neck.  It moves the wind, and the trees around us.  It pulls the moans from our mouths and then the confessions.

“My beautiful love,” Remus kisses the words into my skin, up to my lips.  “My only love,” he mumbles into my lips, kissing me softly but his hands are bruising at my hips.  As if I would leave him if he did not hold me close enough and for forever.

“I love you, Remus ‘Moony’ Lupin.  I love all of you and all that you ever will be and all that you have been.” He pulls back from me, his eyes glazed with tears and a softness that makes my heart sing.  He nods, and than he laughs.  A tear falls from his eyes as his head leans back and he laughs, the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard.  It was as if all his anxiety, and self-hatred has left him and in their place my words have nestled in.  I love him.  I love him.  I love him.

“I’m a werewolf ya know?” he says, still laughing, he knew I made the connection.  At this point it was pre-caution, I roll my eyes and kiss him again.  The world is forgotten as we kiss, as we rejoin as one and as lovers.  I pull back and softly wipe away his tears.

“I know,” I whisper into his lips, he smiles, giving me a soft kiss.  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner, Remus?” I ask, pulling away from him.  He frowns now, his cheeks red with blush, and lips to match.

“I thought I’d lose you forever.  That you’d think I was some monster, or- or beast.  You always looked at me like I was the world, and I was terrified one day you’d see the real me, and just- well, stop loving me altogether.” While he speaks his eyes still glitter with the promise of tears, and my heart sinks at his words.

“I think I understand your anxiety about it.  I can’t imagine how hard it must be.  But I would never stop loving you for such a thing, merlin, I don’t think anything could stop me from loving you.  I never want you to feel the need to hide from me again, okay?” Remus nods into my hands, I still haven't moved them since I wiped away his tears, it seemed like more keeps falling each time.  

“The boys became Animigmus to help with my full moons.  It can get pretty bad… but ever since they have come along things really got better, really they did.” he adds when seeing my sad facial expression.  My heart felt broken all over again at just the thought of Remus being in pain, alone and suffering.  I swore in that moment, I’d do anything in this world to help make things better for him.  I nod my head.  He continues.

“And Lucy, her older sister is a werewolf.  She figured out that I was one pretty quickly, she said I could speak to her about it all, and that she could help somehow.  It was nothing more, she just let me complain and even write some letter to her sister.  I never even thought of Lucy like the way I think of you.  She was always just a friend, but that remains no more.  To hell with her,” he says.  He can’t stop smiling, a real, golden smile.  There was nothing holding him back, I could just tell he felt so much lighter.  I took his hand and wordlessly led him to sit on the grass with me.  We laid shoulder to shoulder, staring up at the stars together.  

He told me in depth about how he was bitten as a child, about how it changed his life.  Then when the boys told him they were becoming Animgus for him and all the little moments and adventures they’ve had since.  He didn’t sugar coat a thing, he didn’t lie.  He was bearing his soul before me for the first time, without any thin veil holding us back and I’ve never felt closer to him.  It was well past curfew by the time I felt satisfied with everything he’s told me, I felt both heavy with this knowledge and yet free.  I felt included and like I truly knew Remus, and I still did love him.  More than ever, I love him.

We laid in silence for some time, my head has moved to lay on his chest and I can hear the steady, warm beating of his heart.

“Can you hear it?” he asks, out of the blue.  I strain my ears to listen to the forest around us, I lift my head slightly and he laughs.  “No. My heart, can you hear it?” I lean back into him and let out a little laugh myself.

“Oh.  Yes,” I smile, “I can hear it.”

“Good.  It beats for you.”mhe says, I look up at him only to find that he has already been looking at me.  His eyes soft, and smile warm, his heart steady under the palm of my hand and loud within the stillness of the night.  It beats for you.  His words echoed in my head and I couldn’t help myself, I lean forward and press my lips against him.  I could kiss him forever.  I could be with him here like this forever, alone and in love, honest and unafraid. 

 I understood a lot of things that night, more than just about who Remus was and the secrets he has been hiding.  More than the truths that he bared and the love that we had. I understood how after all this time of separation and uncertainty.  After exhausting ourselves in a sea of sorrow and questions, we have finally found our peace.  I have found my happiness.  And I realized something rather important.  Rapture is a boy.  Rapture is love.

Taglist:

@crazylokonugget​   @beyondprincess​   @1975weasley​   @nicodoesntexist  @goto-hi-this-is-my-brain  @yoyoitsbella​  @ftwert   @sognatrice-as-a-hobby​  @dontjudgemyobsessionpls​​  @blackpinkdolan​

@holdenviolet   @katie-lupin05   @acoustic-archie @trishizzl   @accio-willtolive-lmao  @ilistentotayswifttocope  @kopheliablack​​

[inthewild-flowers]

yall!! I just found a funky lil thing I started writing ages ago and never finished!! I dont particularly want to finish it but the bit I have is actually something im really pleased with so here ya go!!

“Rem, you shouldn’t––oh, goddammit, Moony, I’m going to have to come with you, aren’t I?”

“Yep!” Remus grinned at Sirius over his shoulder, then swung a leg over the top of the fence he had just scaled and started down the other side. Sirius grabbed onto the chain link fence and followed suit, narrowly avoiding getting his fingers stepped on as Remus descended right in front of him. Sirius stuck his tongue out, and Remus wrinkled up his nose in mock disgust. He let go of the fence and dropped the last couple of feet to the ground, then adjusted his camera on its strap around his neck. Sirius reached the top of the fence and looked down to see Remus with the camera to his eye and angled upwards. Sirius stuck out his tongue again, and this time crossed his eyes for added effect. Remus laughed.

Once Sirius was standing next to Remus, his protests started up again. “Do we need to go to the haunted house?”

“It’s not haunted, Pads.”

“Well it looks haunted.”

“Exactly! It’s perfect for my project.”

“Can’t you do a different project?”

“Nope!” Remus grinned at Sirius. “I already submitted the outline to my prof.”

“Couldn’t you find an abandoned house somewhere that’s not in the middle of the forest?”

“We’re hardly in the middle of the forest. A quarter of the way in, at most.”

“Same difference. No one to hear us screaming for help.”

Sirius heard the click of a shutter. “Did you just take a picture of me pouting?”

“You’re so cute when you pout! Like a little puppy.” Remus tapped Sirius’s nose, then showed him the picture.

“I do have a stunning profile, I suppose.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but laughed. “You do have that, at least.”

“At least? What do you mean at least?”

“Nothing at all.”

“Does my own boyfriend think that my profile is the best thing about me?”

“Not at all.” Remus smirked. “Although it’s definitely in the top ten.”

“I’m glad to know you have your priorities sorted.”

“And I’m glad you’re the lovely kind of boyfriend who comes with me to take pictures of haunted houses, no matter how reluctantly.”

“Awww, babe. Wait. You said it’s not haunted. Remus! Remus, you said it’s not haunted!”

Remus took off at a sprint, and Sirius followed close behind. “You said it wasn’t and I trusted you! I can’t believe you would take advantage of me like this!”

The house loomed up out of the trees with no warning whatsoever. One moment there was nothing, and the next a mansion covered in vines had appeared in front of them. Remus stopped short and stepped to the side, allowing Sirius to go barreling past him, skidding to a stop just before he collided with the stone wall.

“Remus!” Sirius complained.

“Uh-huh?” Remus was pointing the camera at the house, turning it vertical, then horizontal, then vertical again.

“I can’t believe you didn’t warn me.” Sirius circled around behind Remus and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Portrait,” he said.

“You think?”

“Mhm.” Sirius nodded, his chin pressing into Remus’s shoulder with the movement. “You can see the house better, instead of all the trees.”

Remus nodded, and took the picture. “Ready to go inside?”

“No.” Sirius nipped at Remus’s ear. “Come on, let’s go.”

[trashforhockeyguys]

Don’t Hold Me -6- Carter Hart

A/N: Hey guys, I’m still alive lol. AND DHM IS FINALLY BACK!!! Buckle up my loves, things are finally starting to happen. I’m super excited for where this story is going, and I can’t wait for yall to see it all unfold! 

As always, all previous parts are linked in my master list!

"Y/N, can I move yet?” Nolan asked you. 

“Hang on,” You started to chew on your lip as you continued to draw, “Move your head a little to the right? Yeah! Like that, the shadows are good like that.”

“Sorry Patty, I offered to be a nude model or whatever.”

“Travis shut up. No one wants to see that.”

Travis laughed from the kitchen. For one of your classes, you had to draw a portrait of someone, unfortunately for Nolan, he’d volunteered to sit for one. Although, you knew he didn’t exactly think that this was going to take this long. He thought it would take a few minutes at most, not over an hour.

“Nolan stop laughing! I’m almost done.”

You didn’t even notice that someone else had walked in until a cup of coffee from your favorite place down the road was put in front of you. You didn’t look over your shoulder, you already knew who it was, but you couldn’t help the simple smile that crept across your face. It was small, almost unnoticeable, but it was there. 

“Thank you.”

“Woah, she actually said two words to him,” Nolan said in sheer surprise. 

“And they were nice!” Travis added. 

“Shut up. Nolan I swear to god if you move one more time I will beat you with a stick.”

“That looks really good,” Carter said from behind you, ignoring what his teammates were saying. 

You hummed and began to drag your pencil across the page again. You tried not to think about the fact that he was still standing behind you, close enough that you could feel his presence. A small part of your brain started to wonder what it would be like if he just wrapped his arms around you. You almost wanted it. 

You tried to snap yourself out of it. But the longer he was there, the more you wanted to just be closer to him. You had no idea what was going on. This wasn’t like you. You didn’t do things like this. You didn’t need anyone else. 

“For your class?” Carter asked. 

“Yeah. Nolan was a better choice than Travis. At least he can sit still for more than five minutes, and be quiet.”

“Rude,” Travis mumbled.

Your body seemed to almost tingle from how close Carter was to you. You weren’t sure what was happening. You didn't do things like this. You could control everything. But this, this didn’t feel like something you could control. Your body seemed to be taking over from your head.  You didn’t know how to handle this anymore. Everything seemed to be cloudy and unclear now. 

You cleared your throat, “Yeah, okay, done.”

“Yeah? I can eat now?” Nolan asked. 

You weren’t done. You were far from done, but you needed to put space between you and Carter before you did something potentially stupid. All you could think of was getting his arms around you. You wanted to be close to him in a way that you knew was an awful idea. 

“Yeah, go do whatever Nols, I can do the finishing touches without you modeling for me,” You laughed, trying to sound normal again. 

He nodded and moved on. You wanted to go hide now. You wanted to get away from Carter. The buzzing tingly feeling was spreading throughout my whole body. You had no idea what was really going on. All you knew was that you were starting to feel things for Carter that you shouldn’t feel. 

Everything seemed to be blurred now. There were lines you weren’t meant to cross, you knew that, but where were they? What fell into the category of things not to do? Because strangely enough, all you wanted to do now was let yourself sink into Carter’s arms, and just stay there for the rest of the day, and that’s something you absolutely couldn’t do.  

You didn’t want to leave the boys behind, but you also knew that you needed to get some air before your body took over and made you do something you knew would lead to some serious trouble.

“I’m going to go get some food, does anyone want anything?”

“Just sit your little ass down, I’ll make lunch,” Travis told me, pointing to the couch. 

You huffed and plopped back down onto the couch.  Carter was on the other end. Too close for comfort, or maybe not close enough for your body to be comfortable. You couldn’t understand what was going on, how your body was reacting to this. You weren’t meant to like Carter Hart. You’d sworn off hockey players after the last time, that didn’t mean you could just drop everything for Carter. You wouldn’t drop everything for him. You’d figure out how to get yourself to stop feeling whatever you were feeling for him. You weren’t going to do this again. 

“When do you leave for that road trip?”

“Day after tomorrow,” Nolan replied, “We’ll try not to let you get beat to hell, Carter.”

You tried to laugh with them. But the idea of any of them potentially getting hurt made your stomach twist. You hated when they went on road trips because it meant that something might happen and you wouldn’t be there. You weren’t their protector, you knew that. But them being gone also meant they wouldn’t be here for you, should you need them.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Travis said, “We’ll be back before you know it.”

You forced a smile, “Maybe that’s what I’m worried about..”

“Liar,” Travis smiled sadly at you and pulled you in for a hug.

What you didn’t notice was how Carter was looking at you. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he should heed TK’s warning and stay away from you, all for your sake. But you had a way of drawing him in, and making him want to know more about you. He wanted to be a part of the close inner circle you’d built with TK and Patty. He couldn’t explain it, he had girls throwing themselves at him all of the time, but for some reason he wanted you. 

The shy girl who hid under baggy sweatshirts and didn’t seem to notice how amazing you could truly be. Everytime he was near you he thought about the night he had to bring you back to his apartment after that stupid party. 

You’d started screaming and crying in your sleep. He’d never tell you that, but he didn’t sleep on the floor of his bedroom because you were getting sick all night. It was because something was haunting you, causing you to wake up screaming. It’d scared the shit out of him. 

He’d automatically called TK and begged him to tell him what to do, or tell him what happened. But TK was quick to tell him that it was your story to share, and if you ever wanted Carter to know, you’d tell him. But that didn’t stop Carter from constantly worrying about the girl in front of him.

“You said you were going to make food,” You mumbled, poking Travis’s stomach. 

“So needy.”

“You’re the one who decided to call me when I moved here,” You pointed out, “Brought this on yourself.”

“Fine,” Travis sighed dramatically, “What do you guys want?”

“Pasta!” You were quick to say, “A big heaping plate of that buttered garlic pasta you make.”

Travis smacked Nolan on his way over to the kitchen, telling him that he needed help. That left you and Carter all alone. You felt uncomfortable, because you didn’t know what to do. You weren’t sure how you were meant to even talk to him. 

Everything just seemed too strange to you now.

“So, how’re classes going?” Carter asked you. 

You shrugged and brought your knees up to your chest, “They’re alright. I’ll be happy when the break rolls around.”

He laughed, “I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to the All Star break.”

You nodded. Travis and Nolan talked about how wonderful breaks were all the time. Their schedule was more than grueling, so you knew time off was more than precious for them. If they didn’t go off somewhere tropical to just relax, it was rare that they’d even leave their rooms. 

Even in lower level juniors, your brother always treasured whatever time off he could get. Some of the things all of you would do during breaks were honestly astounding, and probably borderline illegal, but that was years ago.

“I’m sure.”

“You don’t really like hockey, do you?” He suddenly asked you. 

“What? No! I love it.”

“Really? Sorry, you just don’t seem like it.”

You swallowed and tried to plan your reply, “No, I love it. I’ve grown up on it. It’s just my relationship with hockey is…..complicated.”

You felt like you might throw up. Having to explain it felt different. You could watch games just fine now, not that you always liked to watch in person, but you could watch them. You could talk about them, and give Travis shit for hours about things he’d done. But having to explain your reasonings for being why you were the way that you were...it seemed impossible. 

He already saw you differently, you could tell by the way he looked at you. You were sure that he saw you as someone wounded and broken. You didn’t want him to have another reason to see you differently. Carter was one of the few people that didn’t know, and he didn’t need to know. You could keep him in the dark, you would keep him in the dark. 

“I love hockey,” You said again, “I wouldn’t know Travis without it. I love hockey.”

“Okay,” His voice was calm, like he was trying to calm you, “Okay. I’m sorry I asked.”

You tried to blink away the burning feeling in your eyes. You weren’t going to cry. You weren’t going to show how much pain that simple question brought on. Your stomach churned and you couldn’t do a thing to stop it. 

“I have to go to the bathroom, I’ll be back in a minute.”

However, rather than going to the hall bathroom, like you normally would. You quickly made your way back into Travis’s bathroom, far enough away from the living room that you wouldn’t be heard. Especially over the sound of Travis and Nolan in the kitchen, and the music they’d put on. 

Without having a chance to try to stop it, you hunched over the toilet and threw up. You were shaking and crying. A simple question, one that no one else would’ve thought twice about. Any normal person would have a smile yes or no answer. You couldn’t answer simply though. Not without opening a door to something you liked to keep locked away.

You loved hockey….you just didn’t love what hockey had done to you.

[goldfishh]

thirty questions that actually aren't exactly thirty questions: tag game!

tagged by: @windymoor thank u raven <333

rules: answer 30 questions and tag some blogs you want to know better

I’m tagging: @horrorgay @virginalbehemoth @credentiast asjsskskdkk if yall want! + ofc anyone who sees this and wants to tag their own ppl

name/nickname: fiona

gender: f

star sign: libra 😞

height: 5′1″ short king

time: 10:49 PM

birthday: questions that get ur identity stolen. it’s oct 10

favorite bands: i had to go browse spotify for this lmao i guess i dont follow a lot of bands. i have a LOT of the family crest and oh wonder on my playlists. every few months i’ll put my two fave fall out boy albums on repeat

favorite solo artists: fjfhwjfwklwjk i am also pop indie basic but like BASIC basic. taylor swift hozier lorde.......joji..........i can’t even claim mitski bc i only started listening to her bc of the strawberry blonde amv

song stuck in my head: before your father hears us by the family crest. it’s about the orchestral vibes

last film: technically it’s fantastic mr fox which was an excellent movie. however i want to talk about vanessa hudgens’ netflix xmas movie the princess switch 2 because as ridiculous as the plot is i DO think that the movie is remarkably emotionally coherent and characters get developed well. in this essay i will

last series: i stopped four episodes into bridgerton because it DIDN’T feel emotionally coherent and characters didn’t get developed well 😞 orchestral versions of pop songs DID hit though

when did i create this blog: 2013................i was but a mere baby

what do i post: supernatural. i mean before it was just whatever i’d watched recently that i could find gifsets for on tumblr and i wasn’t posting at all but now it’s. it’s supernatural. 

last thing googled: “sad emoji” so i could copy paste it into this post LMFAO

other blogs: i have a side blog @atlascas that i was using to clear out my likes/archive the anime posting that i didn’t want going to my main LMAOOO but now it’s just an spn sideblog

do i get asks: nope. i have flown SO under the radar on here

why i chose my url: wanted a url that i didn’t have to change every time i got into a new interest lmao. goldfishh was satisfyingly pretty and generic

following: i do have my follow list open on mobile lmfao. it’s just so i could enable a blogroll on desktop bc i thought it looked cool. idk like 150 or so blogs

followers: ;)

average hours of sleep: finals FUCKED with me i was sleeping at like 7am and waking at either 12 or 1 or 3pm. but now im home so im trying to adjust to 8hrs again

lucky number: 10 is where its at

instruments: was conscripted into playing flute and piano as a young child as all good chinese children are. neither stuck

what am i wearing: sweater and jeans and cat socks that my sister got me for xmas

dream job: i dont dream of labor but when i do i dream of being a portrait artist

dream trip: me and my friends have been talking abt a cross-country road trip for yearssss east coast to west coast baby!

nationality: american

favourite song: right now its honey + tea by mozi

last book read: kurt vonnegut slaughterhouse five. i havent finished yet. yes i checked it out because of dean shut up

top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: i dont usually fantasize abt living elsewhere. gotta echo raven and say hobbit hole in middle earth. or a peaceful animated universe like hilda (is that just sweden?? i dont know).

[revol-lover]

dreams don’t end at “30″

so i just had a little breakthrough and maybe this wont sound like anything to anyone else but i just have to share it

so i’ve talked about this before. about how my friend and i were both planning these personal development like goals for this year that covid got in the way of. and he said something, about how this is his last year in his 20s and he wanted to get some goals accomplished before 30 

and i thought about that and realized something.

i have been feeling similarly about a few goals that i’ve been hanging onto for years and years. like i’m going to be honest with you, some people might remember this if you’ve been around here for a long time but probably not. anyway when i was in high school i really wanted to make music, sing, learn an instrument. and i did make some covers that i posted on myspace (showing my age here lol) and youtube but then i kind of gave up on it when

 1) became 18 and realized my dream to go to NYC and pursue music when i was 18 wasn’t happening because of a million reasons (it was very much a pipe dream, right? i mean you can’t have that dream and not prepare for it and i didnt. also i was too scared at the time to even move out to my own place if i had the funds to do so because my parents wouldnt have really approved and i was still so under their thumb) 

2) broke up with my musician boyfriend. which needed to happen. but he was the only person super passionate about that kind of goal at the time around me (till he ran lol)  and he actually is still doing music now so good for him but basically 

because of those 2 reasons i just let go of that dream all together as something i thought i wanted to do but was “unrealistic”.

but the thing about turning 30 and feelings like you needed to achieve all these personal/dreamy/goals in your 20s. what is that bullshit? why? 

what changes when you cross over to 30? i’ll tell you one thing. media pushes movies, books, films, everything about people chasing their dreams in their 20s and “settling” down in their 30s. where’s my inspiring movie about the 32 year old mom who finally wrote a song and performed it live after being terrified her whole life of doing so?

 think about it though

in your 30s you. *might* have a better paying job than you did in your 20s. which means, if you can manage to find time or a way for it, you *might* be able to save a little more money or afford to do something like, buy that guitar and guitar lessons in order to learn to play and write a song and live out your dream in some way, even if its just learning to play so you can play at an open mic. and maybe you’ll like that and you’ll somehow connect with likeminded people and form a band. idk. your dreams dont have to end in your 20s. 

you dont have to fall into the trap of your 20s are for your dreams that are so big you feel like the chance of achieving them is getting struck by lightening

and then your 30s are for fancy adult goals like buying a house, and going on a $10k vacation and those things are probably just as hard as the goals you had in your 20s but the world wont make you see it that way. its seen as “selfish” to prioritize and budget for your artistic goals - but not a house. no that’s responsible and what you “should” do. but its ok to prioritize something that’s going to give your soul fulfillment too! we need to believe that! because it’s true. we are not here just to work our jobs and live mundane colorless lives once we aren’t considered “young” anymore (but 30s are still young. not what i’m saying)

 you’re always going to be chasing something big and if you let the world control what that thing is you’re always going to be on some rat race. 

it’s fine if you achieve your goals in a different order than the world says you were supposed to. i got married young and had a child young, that was how my life played out and i’m happy with that because, yes, finding love and becoming a mother very much were goals of mine.

yes i dropped out of college because i couldn’t afford it and i couldnt find a major that felt worth being in debt for. and also, because hey guess what? contrary to what a lot of people will try to lead you to believe, college is not for everyone. and college does not = success. college drop out does not = failure. it’s just an option of something you could do with your life. AND if you didn’t go to your college in your 20s it doesnt mean you can’t in your 30s. or 50s. hell my husband, who did go to college saw elderly (think, 80s!) people going to his college as students! college isn’t just for 18 year olds fresh out of high school. 

My 27th birthday is in 2 weeks and no, i have not yet to worked up the courage to write an original song from words to music, or have the courage to get on a stage and sing anything, or talk to a stranger, or publish any of my writing or art, goals i’ve had whirling around in my brain since I was 18, but, it’s going to happen. maybe this year. maybe when i’m 35, but it’s going to happen. a number is not going to be the thing holding me back.

that whole mentality of “my youth is slipping away i need to achieve all these dreams before midnight the day of my 30th birthday” is so stupid and flawed and we all deserve to see ourselves, and our individual potential as more than that. 

last part of this rant - one of the reason i even became so passionate about reignighting some of my dusty, old goals, that it turned out, i still cared about, is because i had a moment where i was like

ok i am a mom. i am someones mom. how will my daughter see me, as a person, not just her mom? 

kevin and i always talk about how between the two of us we’ve both had a lot of quintessential young adult experiences that we look forward to sharing with her. like, quitting jobs, getting in car accidents, that one time i unknowingly participated in an illegal bonfire and ran from the cops then lied straight to their faces and somehow got away with it (literally my ONE act of teen rebellion), changing college majors like 3 years in (kevin), failed classes, tried cigarettes, etc like i’m ready, and hope that one day she will feel comfortable talking to us about things because we’ve been through things and have a lot of input and two different perspectives to offer

but further than that, i realized that i want her to know that her mom is a person too. i want her to know that mom is also passionate about writing, and music, and somehow tackled some of her goals in regards to that so that SHE can feel that SHE, too can do those things. and i know that, that is in part how it works 

because,

my dad IS an artist. my dad IS a musician. yall. my dad is SO talented.  my dad is brilliant. besides his artistic abilities which include, drawing literal realistic as fuck portraits, sculpting, painting, playing guitar, bass, piano, mandolin, he also knows music composition, etc etc etc beyond all of that, he also taught himself fucking PLUMBING and ELECTRICIAN SHIT to fix things in our house growing up. like he bought a book. and taught himself. my dad. i grew up thinking that was normal but i realized not everyones dad can just tear down the bathroom and rebuild it from scratch down to the plumbing without being a licensed professional.

but anyway the point is - as talented as my dad is, he doesnt really pursue his artistic dreams much. and its sad. i’m glad that i’ve seen some of the work he did when he was younger. i’m glad that if i bring it up, he’ll show me something he can do. but he doesnt pursue it anymore really. my dad works an exhausting physical labor job but even he, as a 50something year old has fallen into that trap of like, i dont have time to draw, but he will scroll his phone and read articles for hours and i’m not shaming him. i’m just saying we all have this problem in the modern era of technology and social media and what not (hell i am writing a post on tumblr instead of my book right now).

but if timing was different and my dad grew up in a different time, where lets say something distracted him from doing the little bit of art and music that he did when i was a kid that i was able to witness, if i hadnt seen that. i wouldnt know that.. in a way.. that’s in me. i mean, he’s my dad. if my dad could pick up a craft and work at it to be good at it, why can’t i? there are so many musicians and (kind unrelated but not rly - i think being “self made” is an art) business owners in my family. there’s either some common thread in our genetics ORRRRRRRRRR just growing up around people working at and succeeding at those kinds of goals shows you that it CAN be done so you’re more likely to believe in your abilities

and i want that for my daughter. because even as an almost 3 year old i can see that she has a gift for music, and reading. and even if i’m wrong about that and she grows up wanting to do some other thing as a job or hobby, i want her to know, by seeing her mom do it, that she can achieve anything she puts her heart to. you don’t have to box yourself in because of your age or your sex or the fact that you’re a parent. 

and your dream doesnt have to become your career. it can be a hobby and still be fulfilling. like yes, 18 year old me dreamed about some life in nyc singing in clubs or bars or whatever and being ~famous (lol) and that did not happen, but i can still get out there and play open mic downtown and get that love of music, and desire to face my fear of performing out of my system. maybe i’ll love it. maybe i’ll hate it. but i’ll have done it. and that’s the ultimate goal. 

sorry i went off but i had to get that out of my system and i’m very passionate about 

[hellas-himself]

Where There Are Shadows Pt 29

My wifi has been absolute shit. So I have been writing tons just in case I can’t get online through the laptop. 

If you haven’t read ACOFAS. This is spoilery. I know I say that every time but in the event someone new sees this in passing, I don’t wanna ruin it for you. 

Happy Friday yall. 

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-Feyre-

 Azriel, Cassian and Rhys stood over a table, looking at a map. Cassian, of the three, seemed the most upset. But I didn’t blame him. I couldn’t. Rhys and Az had failed to mention the problems arising in the Illyrian camps. I understood why they’d done it. Especially since they were mere rumors, mostly, but rumors had caused my family so much pain… 

I cleared my throat as I stepped into the room. The three of them looked up, immediately their features softened. It made me blush.

“We got a letter.” I held up the envelope in my hand. Rhysand’s eyes widened before he broke into a grin. Azriel offered me a small smile before he pulled Cas away.

“Let’s go see what the fox had sent to our doors,” he said and Cas was all too glad to go.

I went right up to Rhys and sat down on his lap. I was as giddy as a child on Solstice, carefully opening the envelope. It had gold wax with the Day Court seal.

“He’s learning,” Rhys said with a smile. Lucien had been using his emissary’s seal- a dark green wax stam

ped with his initials.

Rhys and Feyre, I miss you both terribly.

I know that it has only been three weeks, but it feels like an eternity.

Feyre- I’ve been wearing the nightclothes you sent every night since. Beware, Helion wants the same pair but in white. Everyone has sung praises of your art, love. Helion has had your painting of his palace hung up in his office.

Grandmother reminds me of Amren, I suppose, for her appreciation of fine jewelry. You did very well, Rhysand. My aunt is just dying to meet you both. She reminds me of Morrigan, which is a welcoming comfort- seeing her in Night Court fashion was… well, let us say that she made quite the impression on some lords last night. I hear talk of marriage proposals. She would eviscerate them all.

Rhys, you absolute prick- my grandmother was there when I received your gifts. Thank the gods that the others were so enthralled with theirs they did not ask what else was in the box. And I am sure you are laughing as you read this. Tell Feyre to kick your ass for me. I’d winnow over to do it myself but then I know I’d never leave.  

I’ve held court with Helion a few times now. It reminds me of home in a way. He treats everyone as if they were his family. Everyone says we look alike, especially now that I dress the way he does- sometimes. It is strange, but perhaps the closest thing to comfort than being completely bare. And do not ask me to wear it at home. I won’t have Rhys pouncing on me every second, although Feyre- you are no better. Gods, I miss you both.

We’ve gone hiking together, even my mother joined us. I’ve never seen her in pants before. Do not be surprised if she asks to go on a “hunt” with you, Feyre. She’s taken up archery. I don’t know where she finds the time. When you’re here, we’ll go together- to the mountains. There are things I can’t even begin to describe without butchering them. I am fairly certain Feyre, my love, that you will find countless things to sketch and paint here. If Helion asks for a portrait, please deny him. He is as preposterous as Rhys.

But I miss you. I still find it hard to sleep alone without you both. However, I will not have either of you sad nor considering leaving behind your duties. The formal court nonsense will be in Azriel’s hands shortly, news of the Mortal Lands- which is nothing new. Jurian is cross with me, but that is not important. Vassa is happy for me -us- surprised, but happy.

Helion and I are going to the villa in a few days. It will be raining in the mountains and he plans on witnessing it firsthand. My mother is excited. She believes he and I will get a chance to get to know one another better.

There will be guards there. Some wild beast he apparently raised since birth. We’ll be safe. I will not be able to write until I return. The rains will make the way dangerous. Please try to write before I go.

I miss you.

Lucien

I read it again, practically hearing his voice as I did. I knew when he was laughing. When he was rolling his eyes. And the paper, it smelled like him, a detail that Rhys did not miss. He smiled, taking the letter from me and reading it quietly to himself once more.

“I never thought I’d miss that bastard as much as I do,” Rhys said as he folded the letter and neatly returned it to the envelope. We’d add it to the other two letters we kept at home.

I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“I never thought that I would see you missing him as much as you do. I’m usually the one pining over him.”

“I do not pine.”

“You wrote him a poem, Rhysand.”

He feigned insult. “What of it? He liked it.”

“I know. It’s utterly romantic.”

Rhys sighed, leaning into me.

“Can we just go? Right now?”

“Did you finish whatever it was you three were discussing?”

He groaned. “No.”

“Then no, we can’t. Lucien would feel horrible about it. Besides, I promised Elain I’d help her with the garden at the townhouse.”

“You? Gardening?”

It was my turn to be insulted.

“I can garden!”

“My love, you let the flowers wilt. Lucien sent us beautiful flowers and they died under your care.”

“I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to water them every day.”

“He put it in a note.”

“That I found after they died… at least you revived them. If you told him, Rhys, I swear I won’t kiss you for a week.”

“A week?”

Cassian and Az walked into the room just as Rhys had begun to pepper kisses across my neck. They were going to leave but I stopped them.

“I was just going.”

Rhys was whining as I left his side. I ignored him, going to greet my two favorite Illyrians before leaving.

“He’ll be useless now,” Az teased, giving me a hug.

“With enough talk about the camps, he’ll simmer down,” Cas added before he pressed a kiss to my cheek.

“You both can fuck off,” Rhys said, slouching in his chair.

“Little Rhysie misses his foxy boy,” Cas said in a terribly teasing tone, and I saw Rhys cross his arms. That was my cue to leave.

I had just closed the door when I heard Cassian groan, cursing Rhys and his ‘stupid high lord powers’.

*

It was surprising to see Elain in a dress as thin and revealing as the one she wore now. It was blush pink, the sleeves shorter than anything she’d ever worn before. The fabric was long enough to hide the fact that she was bare foot, but it was so thin that her curves were visible. And the neckline… Mor would steal it from her.

“It’s so hot today,” she said as I approached, wiping a hand across her brow. I sat beside her and noticed how she tried to pull the dress up a bit more.

I was dressed in the usual Night Court fashion, except my top had no sleeves. She eyed my outfit with a bit of… regret?

“Mor loaned me this. All of my gowns are too… They’re meant for colder weather.”

I giggled, that explained it. “It looks lovely on you.”

She blushed. “It’s so comfortable. But this neckline…”

“Is just fine.”

She gave me a grateful smile and in a very conspiratorial voice she said, “I might keep it.”

“You should.”

We shared a laugh, Elain pulling me towards her. Beneath the shade of the tree she and I lay back onto the grass.

“You aren’t offended that I didn’t really mean for you to help with the garden?”

“Not at all. I’d just ruin all the work you and Az have done.”

She let out a sigh.

“May I ask you something personal?”

“Sure.”

“After… Tamlin, how did you know you were ready to move on?”

She said his name carefully, as if it were a curse she was afraid to speak. But it didn’t make me feel anything. No knife to the heart. Only a curiosity as to why my sister was asking.

“I felt guilty at first. As if by flirting with Rhys I was betraying what we’d had. Except that it was Tamlin who betrayed that. And Rhys… he was always too good to me. Even when I was horrible. I hurt him so many times in the beginning… But he never let that stop him from being my friend.”

Elain considered my words for a time.

“When did you know that you cared for him?”

“I think Under the Mountain. I didn’t want to believe it. But I cared for this stranger who told me secrets and helped me when no one else did.”

“I mean, when you realized it was more?”

I sat up then, bringing my knees to my chest. Elain followed suit, and began to twirl blades of grass between her fingers.

“Starfall. The first time we spent it together. I knew I had been attracted to him. I knew that I wanted him… you know.”

Elain blushed but nodded.

“I had my doubts… But Rhys loved me, even as broken as I was… Still am. How could I not fall in love with him? Even if he had not been my mate, Rhys is just-” I found myself blushing.

Thinking about me, darling?

Fuck off.

His laughter made me smile.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“You and Nesta, you are my sisters. I’ve come to love Cassian and the twins, even Amren. Even Rhys. But it’s… different with Azriel. He’s the first real friend I’ve ever had. He sees me, Feyre.”

“I know,” I said softly.

“Grayson…” She paused. “I was no better than a porcelain doll. Like the ones mother kept in her tea room. I was everything a lady should be. But that person died inside the cauldron. I was someone else when I came out of it. And when Grayson finally saw me without the pretty lady’s mask… He hated me.”

“That’s how it was with Tamlin.”

There was a look of relief on her face. Because I understood.

“Azriel understands me. Even the parts of me I still don’t really understand. But our shadows know each other. And it makes sense.”

I raised a brow at that.

“He could probably explain it better… But you know how he can just step out of a shadow?”

I nodded.

“Well. It’s happened. Accidently. Except once, that was on purpose but it was only because he was being so stubborn-”

She stopped, as if remembering herself. I tried not to laugh.

“He and I have many wounds that need to heal… But sometimes… I catch myself staring too long. Or when he walks me to my room, our hugs are a little too long. And on Starfall… Being so close to him the whole night was better than anything.”

I reached out to hold her hand.

“Nothing could make me happier.”

She lowered her voice. “You don’t think it’s wrong?”

“No. You deserve happiness. If it’s Azriel that is helping you find it, I know you both are in good hands.”

She smiled. But then Elain looked up and I turned to find Nuala at the door. She held a stack of envelopes in her hands.

“My Lady, forgive me for interrupting.”

“It’s alright,” I said, giving Elain’s hand a squeeze before I stood up.

Nuala let me take them from her and I felt everything spin.

“Feyre, what’s wrong?” Elain asked. She had come to stand beside me.

“Nesta.”

I sat at my desk, staring at the stack of envelopes in front of me. And at their side, Nesta’s bills, rather- the debt she’d accumulated in my name. I let out a long sigh, reaching for the iced tea that had long since become lukewarm. I drank some of it with a grimace, setting the cup aside. I brought my fingers to my temples and groaned. Why was this happening?

Every letter Elain had sent Nesta had been unopened and returned. Letters written before Solstice. How could Nesta do this to Elain? Our sister was more herself than ever before, without the mating bond, without Graysen’s shadow lingering over her every thought- Elain was happy.

And then her bills. The rent on that poor excuse of a home never changed. But what concerned me the most was the final bill for the food delivered to her home every week. Dated from a month ago. I had almost asked what the hell she was eating but then I saw my name on several tabs from restaurants and bars all over Velaris. Some I had never even been to. But now I knew why there had been such discretion in bringing these to me. I would send each of these patrons a gift in thanks, and in apology, in addition to what they were owed.

Elain was leaning against the wall, drying her eyes with one of Rhysand’s handkerchiefs.

“What did I do?” Elain asked.

“You didn’t do anything, Elain. Nesta is… I don’t really know what is wrong with her. She won’t let us in. And this,” I said, motioning to the letters, “This is just cruel.”

“Do you think I’ve offended her?”

“Offended who?”

I tensed as Cassian walked into my room. Elain looked at him and without a word, he quickly went to her side and held her in his arms. He looked at me, wanting answers. I raised a hand, asking for a moment.

My love, do you know where Az is?

Why? Feeling lonely? I could hear the smile in his voice.

I sighed. Elain is very upset and I need to talk to Cassian. Alone.

Soon enough, I turned in my chair to find the Shadowsinger casually waltzing into the room and Elain did her best to perk up, making Cassian feign insult.

“I was wondering where everyone was,” Azriel said. Cassian and I noticed the way his eyes widened slightly at the sight of Elain in that dress.  

“How nice of you to join us,” Cas replied.

Azriel’s hand brushed my shoulder as he went to greet Cassian and Elain.

“Actually, I’m only here for Elain.”

She blushed. Cassian looked even more offended, especially when Elain handed him the handkerchief. He tossed it on my desk and I tried not to laugh.

“The builders at the new house are working on the greenhouse for Lucien’s Day Court flowers and wanted her input on some of the details.”

She cleared her throat. “Of course.”

After giving Cassian a hug, she came to me and kissed my cheek.

“I know you’re behind this,” she whispered, “But thank you.”

Az gave me a wink before he followed Elain out.

“So what’s going on?”

Cassian crossed his arms.

“Where do I start?”

He eyed my severely cluttered desk. “Start with the envelopes. What’s all this mess?”

“Nesta had every letter Elain’s written to her returned. Unopened. Since before Solstice.”

He said nothing but I saw the look in his eyes. I noticed how his jaw clenched.

“Elain had hoped they were replies… But once she realized what it was… Well, she’d only just calmed down when you showed up.”

I reached for the bills.

“She’s canceled the food deliveries. Putting shit on our tab, in my name. And I can afford it. I don’t mind paying for anything she needs or wants but fuck, Cassian. Why does it have to be like this? We have all tried to give her work. Give her our time and attention… Every time we try to figure a way to be there for her, she shuts us out.”

Maybe venting to Cassian was unwise, considering what he felt for her. What they’d been through together. But maybe he needed to know this. He got to her in ways none of us ever could.

“I’m sorry, Cas. I shouldn’t have-”

“It’s fine, Feyre.”

He held out a hand and I handed the bills over to him. I watched as he looked through them, but there was no surprise there. If anything, those pages seemed to confirm something he had suspected or already known. He rolled his eyes at one point but continued. I knew he followed her home most nights, making sure she was alright. Cassian asked for a pen and I handed it over. He set them down on the desk and leaned over, placing a small mark near some things. He set the pen aside and looked over what he’d done.

“I’m going up to the camps.”

“Is everything okay?”

He sighed. “Just those fucking rumors. Hoping to squash them before it becomes something bigger.”

“Should I be worried?”

“No. We have it under control.”

I raised a brow.

“If it becomes something worth worrying over, I will tell you myself.”

“Okay.” I got to my feet and went to hug him, longer than usual. “I love you, Cas.”

He kissed the top of my head.

“If I’m late, save me dessert.”

I rolled my eyes as he kissed my nose. When he was out the door, I went to put the bills away. Curiosity got the best of me, so I looked at what Cassian had marked. It took me a moment to understand what he had seen so quickly, but when I did, my heart sank.

Every night that he had been with us, that he had not followed her home, Nesta had gone to the shittiest tavern in Velaris and put nothing but liquor on the tab.

*

I found Cassian on the roof, and with a curse, I pulled myself over. He eyed me as I made my way to sit beside him. His wing came to wrap around me, making me sit that much closer.

“You’re an asshole,” I said.

“You’re out of shape.”

I glared at him and he laughed.

“I saved you dessert.”

He shrugged. “I just needed air.”

I took his hand in mine and began to trace over the scars and callouses. He had been quiet- well, quiet for him, during dinner. He hadn’t even teased Azriel for how he tried not looking at Elain when she leaned over to talk to him. He had excused himself before dessert had even been served. And I had specifically asked for those cherry tarts he loved so much and he hadn’t even waited.

“I have a question,” I said, turning his hand palm up.

“Are you a witch now?”

“Shut up.” I smiled, tracing over the lines and noticed more scars, as if he’d held a blade with his bare hands. And knowing him, he probably had.

“Alright. Ask away.”

“She’s my sister… But you’re my friend. My family, too.”

“That’s not exactly a question. I believe it requires a little bit of doubt.”

I rolled my eyes, making him smirk.

“I need you to know that you tried more than any of us. More than I did.”

He tensed. But his voice was soft.

“You owe her nothing, Feyre. She already knows how I feel about the way she’s treated you.”

“And what about how she treats you, Cas?”

“I can handle it.” His voice was a little stronger now, as if nothing else would sway him.

“You shouldn’t have to handle it. I love her, I want to help her. But dammit, Cas. Nothing about the way she treats you is right.”

“I don’t deserve more than that.”

There were a million things I wanted to say. I wanted to shake him. I wanted to scream at him that he did deserve more. That I loved him, that Rhys and Az and Mor loved him. Even Amren, though she’d deny it. Cassian was one of the most selfless people I’d ever known. I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to see what we saw when we looked at him. But I knew that words could only do so much, especially if my sister had used her words like a knife.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You did.”

I quickly passed two fingers over the membrane of his wing and he flinched. I couldn’t even describe the sound that he made, but it made me laugh.  

“You can’t do shit like that! Rhys will kill me!”

“Don’t be a smart ass then.”

“Ask,” he said, avoiding my eyes. I wouldn’t tell him that I saw him blush.

“Is it true that you’d have married me if Rhys hadn’t?”

“Now where did you hear such a thing?” I heard the playful tone in his voice.

“Oddly enough, from Rhys.”

Cassian chuckled. “I may or may not have said that, after several drinks.”

“I may or may not have considered the idea, after several drinks.”

He looked at me then, surprised. Confused.

“Remember what you said to me? You and I have the same soul.”

“I know.”

I smirked. “So would you tell me that I didn’t deserve better? Even if better did not mean your brother?”

He smiled because I’d gotten him.

“You’re a piece of work.”

“I’m living with a bunch of assholes. It rubs off on you.”

Cassian started tickling me until I was laughing so hard I was almost crying.

“What the hell are you two doing up there?”

Cas and I looked down to see Mor standing with her hands on her hips.

“Feyre was trying to get in my pants!”

“Feyre what?”

Now Rhys was outside and I laughed so hard I nearly slipped from the roof. Cassian gripped me by the waist, keeping me steady.

“I said Feyre was going to help me pick out a pair of pants.”

Rhys rolled his eyes and went to sit with Mor on the bench, the two of them chatting as if Cas and I weren’t on the roof, watching them.

“Bastard,” Cassian muttered.

“Want to go get dessert?”

He nodded, but before I could move, he held me there against him.

“Feyre… I would never tell you that. I would beat Rhys’ ass if he ever talked down to you.”

“I know.”

“But… I didn’t try hard enough for her. I should have. And I didn’t.”

His hazel eyes searched mine and I reached out to touch his face.

“We’ll figure it out. Together.”

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Holy shit I did not realize that this was as long as it was until now. I am sorry. Sort of. 

@readingismycopingmechanism @fuzdog @gently-say-aha @highladyofherondale @alxanxah @nuggets-and-mouthwash @city-of-fae @myfeyrelady @rhysandshighlady @feysanddotacotar

If you’d like to be tagged, let me know!

[scarffile0-blog]

Roseanne Should Know Being Racist is a Reverse Facial

Listen. I don’t use the word “ugly” but to describe people who are hatemongers. Racists are hatemongers and their outside seem to reflect it, as their insides spill out in the form of faces that are meant for radio: audio only please. It’s like your spirit just decays from all the prejudice you make it engage in. Like your entire being wrinkles from the core.

Note: if you are going to comment about me face-shaming someone, and kumbaya and high road, save your words. I don’t care. Calling racists on their ugliness is my form of resistance. Carry on. You’re welcome.

I’ve already talked about Steve Bannon at length. His soul rot keeps showing up in a way that his visage always looks like it’s on the brink of melting. Like halfway through melting, it found some resolve so the process paused. Seriously. Read my blog post on: Steve Bannon’s Face is the Physical Embodiment of Soul Rot. If shame had a human form, it would be him.

But the thing that kills me about racists is that their hate is so illogical, they end up feeling bold enough to call themselves superior. Or talk about what other people look like. Today’s asshat is Roseanne Barr, the Mother of  Proud Redneck Americans. It’s like the first MAGA hat was a fitted New Era and they used her head size as prototype.

Anywho, today, Roseanne felt herself feeling froggy and decided to tweet:

VJ refers to Valerie Jarrett, President Barack Obama’s senior advisor and powerful Black woman.

The sad excuse for a homo sapien, Roseanne, whose show just got rebooted almost just so she can spew her love for Cheeto Satan, fixed her fingers to compare a woman who is widely respected to an ape.

And I got mad. I was livid. For logic reasons. Even if one of my favorite pastimes wasn’t defending Black women for troglodytes. Let’s just talk facts here.

Roseanne making fun of someone’s looks is like Donald Trump aka Cheeto Satan calling someone’s hair “ridiculous.” Like, girl, you got ALL THE NERVE in the world. So much nerve. Peak nerve. Ultra nerve. The thing about racists is that their mirrors also lie to them. Or their eyes get cloudy with self esteem cataracts. Racism is a reverse facial and ain’t no amount of face peels or vitamin C serums to cure the effects of harboring so much hate.

N’an one of yall living right.

This fool trying to come for what Valerie looks like should let you know how truly STUPID racists are. Ma’am. You cannot challenge ANYBODY’S LOOKS. You just don’t have the range or the right. You coulda shut the entire fuck up for free. But alas… what’s a queen to a goblin?

Racists be out here looking like God put them together with spare parts and wanna have the nerve to talk about what other people look like. As if God had a few rough drafts He just let out cuz He wanted to see something real quick. I DON’T HAVE TIME. But I got time.

And the internet had time too. People been dragging her for her eyebrows since this morning.

I took to Facebook to fight the air and you know LuvvNation is undefeated. They had some things to say:

Sue: Whaaaat? Valerie Jarrett is just so poised and lovely all the time and Roseanne looks like someone who just finished cleaning out the garage.

Nicole: Sue, I think you’re being generous. She looks like she lives in the garage.

Maxine: Rosanne outchea walking around looking like a leaky bag of curdled milk. FOH

Aprill: The fact that it took her decades of continued plastic surgery to achieve an average face definitely makes this more appalling.

Lisa: Roseanne trying to insult somebody, out here looking like unwashed first cousin sex, high fructose corn syrup, and prices dropping at WalMart.

Biafra: Ol popped can of biscuits, bottom of the Cracker Barrell looking ass. Miss Mississippi Methhead looking ass.

Eva: When, after years of surgery, your neck still looks like lasagna edges, can you really talk about anyone? I say nah.

Mak: Roseanne looks like a pile of warm mayonnaise lightly sprinkled with dollar store black pepper.

Kara: often with a teeth-to-tattoo ratio that is not favorable…. 🤔

Shel: Oh dear, that teeth to tattoo ration describes my meth infested town to a T(eethless)! I repeatedly state that if you go into a bar, collectively the entire place has a full set of teeth.

Jasmine: Roseanne has a lot of nerve talking about anyone. Out here looking like curdled milk and melted candle wax. Stand down, madame.

Tata: Every racist I’ve ever fought with in Facebook comments or in real life be looking like they on their last horcrux

Dee: Sit yo’ refurbished lookin ass down!!!

Noelle: The thinner the lips, the worse the opinions…

Lana: My momma calls them Chicken Lipped Bigots.

Tanya: I found out Katie Hopkins is a few months older than me. I saw her picture and presumed they were talking about dog years not human years cuz clearly the years have not been good to her. She is proof positive that God don’t like ugly.

Katie Hopkins. This is a woman who SHOULD have a winning personality. For reasons.

Lynn: Look, I’m a full 10 YEARS older than her. I refuse to believe that she’s not a walking Dorian Grey portrait of some spectacular looking Hollywood actress.

Tanya: I saw her picture and was like what in the AARP geriatric dog yeared hell?!?

Shaquane: It’s always the sponge bob shaped, no lip having, stringy haired, yellow teeth having racist who have the most to say about someone’s look. You can’t be ugly and racist, pick a struggle.

Tisha: I swear God put those people together at 11:58pm on Saturday night cause he thought he was done early and was probably out celebrating when one of the Angels tapped Him on the shoulder and reminded Him and he was like “oh crap….I’ll just throw all these left over parts together and hope for the best

H Loretta: Kate Hopkins and Roseanne Barr out here lookin like a chewed on toothpick and sour milk got the nerve to be outchea talking people?

Isis: Be looking like relatives of the Crypt Keeper but always have something nasty and mean to say about other and how others look.

Dayyanah: Bannon, for one. Steve out here lookin like some hybrid produce… the looks of a potato and the shelf life of an avocado. 😒

Elia: Seems like it’s always the ones with little or nothing to offer that blab about everyone else being mean/ugly/inferior.

Patrick: Those racists don’t use 23andMe. More like 22andGodOnlyKnows.

Whittley: All the way outchea smelling like every thing wrong with wet dreams and built like sofas from a 90s sitcom. Lookin’ roughed up, ran through, beat down, full o’ funk, and sittin’ low. Just sad. Sad, sad, SAD.

Kendhra: Oh fa’sho. Looking like they were created at a hot dog factory.

Morgan: Lookin like a dusty leather bag on clearance talmbout ~superior genes.

I’m just saying. Today has been for one thing and one thing only: drag Roseanne. Nothing else I put on the list got done.

Wait. I did finish this blog post so I can cross that out too. And since it was essentially to drag Roseanne, DOUBLE CROSS OUTS!

All this dragging did serve a purpose, cuz with the entire internet on their tail, ABC had to act quick. They swiftly cancelled that foresaken reboot of hers. Roseanne is out of a job because she wrote a wrong ass check that her loud mouth could not cash.

If you need me, I’ll be over here cackling like a drunk seal. Sometimes, things go right. Roseanne losing these coins made today go right. Shoutout to Channing Dungey, the president of ABC Entertainment, who also happens to be a Black woman. She is now officially an Apollo legend for her work.

Y’all be blessed.

Source: https://www.awesomelyluvvie.com/2018/05/roseanne-racism-rot.html