#ya wanna know what my grandma said to my mom when we lost our house + my dad died so we had to live with her?

[arinmoss]

I love that I had all these plans and ideas and things I wanted to do this year, even this month but then depression made my brain more and more and more and more foggy and fucked. That's so awesome <3

[itsmadamehydra]

My Savior || Wayne McCullough

A/N: Just some teenage girl trying to write the story inside her head, hope u like it.

Pairing: Wayne McCullough x oc

Warnings: rape, intention of rape, harassment, blood mention, bullying, language (a little strong)

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I've always like to watch him by far, he just seems different from the rest (and oh boy, he is).

The first time I saw him I was in 7th grade. I was just one more girl of the many others that her tities just had started to show and my period started to visit me. I remember that day clearly, I was sitting at the hallway with my bestfriend at the time, eating infront of our lockers when I saw him.

"Am telling ya girl, the answer of number 5 was c." I said trying to reason with her about the science test answers "I told you that if u needed help to study, I could help ya." I smile at her and move my arm upward to touch her shoulder

"Yeah, yeah, I know...are you sure it was not D?" she said frowning her eyebrows once more. We stayed in silence for a sec before bursting into laughter and tears

Little by little our laughs started to fade, allowing ears to hear the background and aswell some loud voices, it sounded like an argument but by the hears of it a fight was going to start soon. "What you think is happening over there?" Cassie murmured, I stared at the end of the hallway where apparently was were the voices were coming from.

"I don't know..." my lips formed a thin line while I was thinking about what could have been happening in there, "You wanna, you know, go and see?" I looked back at my friend

"Freak yeah" she laughed grabbing my hand and running down the hallway to see the soon to be fight.

Once we got there, there was a mass of students surrounding what appeared to be the ones who where arguing. "Ugh, I can't see, I hate been so small." I said, "Hey, that smallness is beautiful and you know you can use that in your own benefit" Cassia said and winked at me.

"I mean, yeah but I can't-" my word stopped at the moment I heard a want sounded and I believe to be a punch in the face. "You saw that!?" Cassie said, "That was freaking awesome, please tell me you saw it!" "Um, nah Cassie, I cant see a crap" i said while trying to find a whole where to see through.

It was only a matter of seconds until more punches were heard. I started pushing people more frantically, I wanted to see what was happening. When I get pass a few amount of studens I almost slipped, looked sown to see what was it and it was stains of blood, only a few but still.

"Oh gosh, disgusting." When I look up only a few students are still in the cafeteria and a guy wearing a grey hoddie was just there, staring at the bloodie face of another guy. I stared back at the hoddie guy and noticed a little hammer in his hand, and the words just came out of my mouth without even noticing, "Why the hammer? Want to be a constructed or something?" He just stared at me and pass by me without saying a word and keeping a neutral face.

"Who the hell was that crazy ass weirdo?" I hear Cassie's voice behind me. "I don't know" I responded, "But I will know...one day."

"Ok,ok, am not going to get in between your little search thingi but am sure he is not good news." Cassie said, "You saw what he did, and he has a FREAKING hammer, y/n! Covered in blood y/n!" She grabbed my shoulders from behind, "I think we all understood the message, stay the fuck away from him, honey."

And I just smiled.

Months later I learned his name. Wayne, Wayne McCullough. Fits the ring if you ask me. Everyone was speaking about how violent, crazy and wierdo he was, about how he was going to show up at your house to beat the hell put of you.

I just observed him by far, well, I like to think that I noticed him. I noticed how he usually beats up those who are some assholes jerks that have only one brain cell as much. Noticed that he is not much of a talker and a shy boy. Noticed how he makes his lips thin when he gets lost in thoughts. How he closes his fist when he is about to do something. His strangely high pain tolerance. His pale skin and dark hair appeared to me to be very llamative and aswell his strength. He was and is skinny but somehow has a great strength, maybe do to the unincredible amounts of fights he gets in. Experience makes the master is what the say...right?

Years went by, we entered to highschool and the nervousness along with the fast beating, sweating and butterflies were still there every time i either tought about him or saw him walking around.

Cassie stayed with me for a while until she decided to join the group of nasty ass bitches with no brain cells who believed no one was better than them. While I...well, I stayed small for a big part I guess, always with good grades, teachers love me and try to be nice with every one I guess.

Everything was going great until Cassie along with some guys recorded me somehow while being drunk and them trying to overpass the boundaries, and let me tell ya.. that was just the start.

The had videos of me at the school bathroom, pictures of my underwear under my skirts and dresses, them trying to touch me. I had to learn to defend myself, stopped using skirts, dresses, shorts even do I loved wearing the. Replace my shoes with tennis and always had hair ties.

"Y/n, wake up! You're going to be late for school, don't think ama wait for you!" I mom yelled.

"Yes, mom! Dont worry, am up!" I run down the stairs with my backpack, went to the kitchen, grabbed an apple and went straight to the car.

"Oh for God sake, y/n" she said went she looked at me and noticed my new hair style.

"What? You don't like it? I just cut it a little." I satered at her innocently

"Your father is not gonna like it and you know it." She said and the stress lines appeared in her forehead, "You know this is his weekend and-"

She couldn't finish her sentence because I started taking, "Am not going to that dickheads house, mother." I said strainly, "Don't want to see his and face of that bitch he cheated you with..." i lowly said but loud enough to hear.

"I know, honey but you have to and besides you get to see your brother!" She patted my thigh, "Haven't seen him in a while right?" She said with a sad tone

"You should be the one seeing him...not me." I stared outside the window, there were just some trees and houses and garbage.

Mom and dad divorced a while back, he cheated on her. The house was a mess that day, screams and broken glass everywhere. Sammy was lucky, he was at grandma's but I was home...listening to every single word. That was also the first time a sneaked out and the first time I sort-of spoke to Wayne.

"What are you doing here?" I heard someone said behind me, I looked and it was fucking Wayne

"Just trying to have some quietness i guess..." I stared at my fingers and started playing with them because of my nervousness, "...What are you doing here?" I asked softly

And he stayed silent...the whole time after that. Either way, his company was nice and the side profile, ufff, amazing.

"Ok, we are here." I stared at the building for a sec before giving my mother a kiss in her cheek and entered to the building.

"Hey y/n! Nice ass!" That was the jerk of all jerks, Jonathan.

I turned around and stared at him, "Oh yeah?" He nodded, "Want to see me shop of your dick?" Changed my tone while saying that into a lower and more serious tone. He just stared at me with sealed lips and left.

I continued walking to my locker and I come to see tgat my freaking lock is broken, I search in all the spaces but nothing is missing.

"Come on! They had just changed me of locker!" I silently yelled. Started grabbing my books for the next few classes when I felt a hand in my shoulder, by instinct I grabbed the wrist, pushed the person against the locker and added pressure in the throat with my other arm.

"Hey y/n" Orlando smiled, "New move?" I chuckled and removed my arm, now, standing face to face I respond

"You know you shouldn't do that Orlando bunny." I laugh st the nickname I gave him a few time ago. Orlando was one of the few FEW people who talked to me, well, he talked to everyone but still.

"I know... I just forgot I guess man." He looked down, "Y/n...have your tities grown bigger?" His face looked confused.

I slapped his head and punched his shoulder, "Could you please stop looking and thinking 'bout tities when am around you?"

"I mean, yeah sure...and sorry about your lock." He points the locker, "Wayne thought it was still his but since-" I cut him off before he could continue

"Wayne?" I asked confused

"Yeah, Is tha-" i cut him off again

"Why did he tho?" I murmured staring at my lock in hand.

"It used to be his locker but oh well...he missed school for 3 weeks and yeah." He grabs his backpacks laces after explaining.

"Oh...ok, is he still here tho?" I looked at Orlando

"I guess..." he was about to say pther thing when the bell ring and we started to go toour classes, "See you later gorgeous!" He yells from the corner of the hallway.

I stayed there...just staring at my lock for a while, then order my things fast and left to class. What I didn't know was that someone was watching at me.

Three days later, i was walking back home and i heard s car going at full speed and nasty comments were started to be listend. I kept walking trying tk pretend they didn't exist when the car is suddenly over the sideway and infront of me.

"YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME ASSHOLES!!" I yelled.

"But...you are bot dead right, bitch?" Jonathan said getting out of the car. There were five, 2 guys and 3 girls. "Don't prefer to suck my dick and be my slut, promise I'll pay a good amount." He said infront of me,

"She is already a slut baby." Veronica said

"I bet she has sleeped with half school, wouldn't surprise me if you haven been org*e or something." You know, comments are comments, you are the one who decide what hurt you and whats does not, but being Cassie the one who said that...broke my freaking heart.

I couldn't stand it anymore, wanted to leave the place so i came up with a plan very fast. I walked closer to Jonathan trying to be the most seductive I could, touched his chest, abs and got closer to his ear and said, "You are going to regret everything" Punched him with all my strenght in this genitiles, stomp on his feet, punched his nose and ran the faster I could out of there.

"You bitch!" I heard from far but i continued running, I couldn't stop, i was scared, didn't know what could happen if the get me. I could hear the car engines behind me, but i didn't stop.

I was close a bridge, ran underneath it, passed some houses but i could still hear the voices and car. My legs hurt, i needed to catch my breath, i could hear my heart beat, my body felt on fire. When I less expected am suddenly trapped, there were some abandoned buildings and warehouses but no way to get put of there. This was it, my end.

"Couldn't escape from me you nasty little bitch!?" I heard his voice, i was never one to pray but believe when i say i begged to God to save me. "You ain't going anywhere...bitch" he was behind me, I could sense it.

My hair was pulled, he pulls me by my hair to his car and i notice that it's just him and another guy. Am not getting out of here.

"We are going to have so much fun!" He licks my cheek and i try to kick him wherever.

"HELP!" I yelled, "SOMEBODY PLEASE, HELP!" my voice sounded horrific, like if i hadn't drank a single drop of water in ages, "please" y murmure my last pledge before he finally puts me over the capo of his car.

"No one's gonna help you, you slut." He says, the other guy was just watching and standing still, doing nothing.

I gave up, didn't even notice I was crying until I tasted the salt in my lips. I felt him over me, unbucking my pants and then...i didnt felt his weight anymore, instead, i heard a cry of pain, and then another cry, and another and another.

I lifted my head and there he was, grey hoddie and little hammer in hand...my savior. I smiled.

My smile just grew bigger and bigger every second I saw that boy swing that motherfucker hammer, every second that Jonathan's blood was spilled. I lool around in search pf the pther guy scared that he might try to grab but I get calm when i see him unconscious on the floor.

A few minuts later th cries stop and i look up, Jonathan was missing 3 teeths and face covered with blood, i think he could even have a brocken rib or something.

Am sitting on top of the car's capo when a feel a slight, fragile touch.

"You ok?" Wayne askes pulling a string of my hair behind my ear.

"...now I am." I smile to him and he returns a little small tiny one with a grin. I was about to say something else when he suddenly speaks

"Want to be my girlfriend or whatever?" He says looking exhausted, I chuckle

"Try a little harder and I might be." I say soflty with a small thin smile and he avoids my eyes but I still get to notice a small blush.

...................

Hey! So, yeah. This is my first ever published thing. Hope you enjoyed it and if you want a part two or to keep writing, am open to any suggestion! Am not very good with the warnings section so if you could help me with it, i would totally apreciate that!

Thank you for reading,

[staywritten]

A Love That Lasts│Epilogue

A Love That Lasts │ Epilogue

Synopsis: You’ve spent the last two years, helping your very handsome next door neighbor raise his adorable daughter. The two of you fell into a routine before you knew it. And now you had this little family. You couldn’t help but fall for him.

Genre: Parent!Au, Dad!Bang Chan, Fluff, Nonidol!Au, Smut

Word Count: 3044

Part I │Part II │Part III │Part IV │Part V

A Love That Lasts Masterlist

Masterlist. AO3

“Today’s the day! Today’s the day! Today’s the day!” Minseo jumped up and down on her father’s bed, waking him up with a belly flop. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around his daughter, kissing her hair softly and pulling her back into bed.

“Why are you so full of energy?” he smiled into her fluffy hair. “I’m the one getting married”

“Because after today I have a Mom!” she chimed. 

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes to look at his daughter. “You’re really happy about this aren’t you?”

“The happiest!” she beamed. “This is gonna be so cool! I get a Mom, and two new grandparents and it’s the best” She hugged him as tight as she could “And grandmas helped me pick out a dress and it’s so pretty!”

“Baby a lot is gonna change, I want you to let me know if it gets overwhelming.” he looked down at her sincerely.

“I’m fine!”

“You’re getting a mom… I’m getting a wife...we’re moving into a new house...our family is getting bigger- wow in laws… in laws that probably hate me...” he mumbled to himself, a frown forming as it finally all sank in just how much his life was gonna change in the matter of a few hours.

 “You ok Daddy?” you pouted pressing the furrow between his brows.

“I think I’m getting cold feet…” he sighed, running his hand through his hair.

“I’ll get you socks!” she chimed, wiggling out of his arms.

You were prepared for a stressful wedding. The planning process proved to be more challenging than all your years of med school and your residence. Dealing with not only your overbearing mother, but also Chan’s. Every decision you made followed by another five. You were happy to get this wedding over with.

You wanted nothing more than to just legally call Chan your husband and Minseo your daughter. “Just a few more hours” you sighed. 

You frowned looking down at your phone while getting your hair done. The last time you saw him was yesterday afternoon since your mom was so superstitious. She made you stay in your childhood, not wanting Chan to see you until your wedding. You texted him the moment you woke up but he hadn’t said anything back. You know he read the message, it was so unlike him to not reply but it was your wedding day perhaps he was just overwhelmed getting ready. 

Minseo ran inside the hair salon with your mom trailing behind her. “Today’s the day!” she cheered running into your arms. 

A smile instantly appeared on your face as you kissed her cheek. “Today is the day!” you grinned, nuzzling her nose. “You ready to get your hair and nails done?”

She nodded “Can I have matching nails with you?” 

“Of course you can Baby” your eyes softened, squishing her face. “I missed you, did you sleep well?”

“Mhmm! But I wish you were home”

“Me too” you pouted “How did your Dad sleep? Was he ok this morning?”

“He slept well~ But he has cold feet! I gave him extra socks before I left”

You frowned “Cold feet huh?” she smiled, shaking her head. “Well you were super smart to give him extra socks” you touched her nose. “Thank you”

“Minseo, let’s get your nails started” your mom called out to her walking her over to the nail tech, to sit with Chan’s mom. 

You sighed when your mom walked over to you, crossing her arms over her chest. “Mom please don’t start” you knew exactly where this conversation was going. 

“The boy has cold feet, what are the chances you think he’s actually going to show up?” she whispered to you not wanting to make a scene. 

“Here we go again” you rolled your eyes “Mom it’s a wedding, everyone gets nervous. Stop making this into a direct attack on Chris”

“Maybe you’re rushing into things”

“And there it is”  you looked to your mom and shook your head. 

You introduced Chan and Minseo to your parents not too long after you started dating. They always knew about them since you talked so fondly of your neighbors but they weren’t too surprised you started dating. Your mother just wasn’t too fond of you dating a man that had a child. She instantly fell in love with Minseo the moment they met, who couldn’t? She was a bundle of joy. But she always looked at Chan like he wasn’t good enough. Both your parents were Doctors, you were their only daughter and sure, your relationship with Chan wasn’t conventional, but it never was. You knew she looked down on him, even if she didn’t explicitly say it. 

“Mom I’m not having this conversation again, especially not on my wedding day.” You glanced down the salon and looked at Minseo animatedly speaking to her grandma and smiled. “I love Chris and Minseo so much…And I know it’s not what you wanted. I know that you would rather me marry some doctor with no kids and that we started a family once we got married but I chose this. I fought this feeling I had for him for years and I’m tired...I just want to be with the man I love. Chris has been my family long before this wedding”

“Look, I understand that you have feelings for Chris, he’s a nice young man, but-”

“No buts. No more buts.”

“What about the girl's mother? Is she really out of the picture? Who abandons their daughter?”

“The girl has a name. And Minseo is my daughter now. As for her mother, Chris will tell me when he’s ready I’m not pushing him on this.”

“But”

“No. Who I marry is a nonnegotiable.” you stood up, moving over to the makeup artist table. 

Bickering with your mom was nothing new, especially when she got a little too pushy, But you did wish that Chan would at least respond to your text to ease your mind. 

After a few hours of hair and makeup, you stared at yourself in the mirror, a little speechless. You were really doing this, you were gonna be married. You smoothed down the dress, running your hand over the embroidered lace. You had that ah-ha moment when you were dress shopping but there was something about seeing it all put together. 

Hearing the little chime of your ringtone you frowned. There was no reason that Felix should be calling you a few minutes before the wedding. Taking a deep breath you answered. “Hey?”

“Hey~” his tone a little too casual given the timing. “Um… so you must be wondering why I’m calling”

You sighed heavily “Felix what is it?”

“Ok, don’t be mad but-”

“Don’t start with don’t be mad!”

“See now you already sound mad and I’m too scared to tell ya”

“Felix!”

“I may have misplaced something…”

“You’re the best man Felix! Did you lose the wedding rings?”

“I’m offended! Those rings cost more than the down payment on my car” he scoffed. “They are safely tucked away in my blazer”

“Then what did you lose? Oh no, was it Chris’s tux?”

“Nah, I lost Chris”

“You what?! What do you mean! Felix!”

“See I asked you not to get mad, and yelling sounds a lot like being mad”

“How the hell did you lose a person?”

“I don’t need the attitude, he’s a lot faster than Minseo and can cover a lot more ground, I didn’t know he was a flight risk” he sighed “Look Jisung is calling him, and I’m checking around the venue, I’ll keep you updated”

“Please do…” you shook your head, hanging up. 

Well this was a turn of events. Your wedding planner made sure you had at least three back up plans for any other decision you made but there was no plan for a run away groom. You looked at the time, there was still thirty minutes before you had to be in the wedding hall, so you figured you’d look for your fiance. You needed to make sure he was ok, especially since he never shut you out before. You switched out of your strappy heels and into a pair of sneakers, hiking up your dress so that you could see your feet. 

There was a small knock at the door before it cracked open. You looked up and your eyes met a very tired Chan. He chuckled seeing you slip on your sneakers. “Runaway bride?” he grinned leaning on the door frame. 

You released a relieved sigh. “I’m not the runaway! Your groomsmen said you left?”

He laughed before walking inside and closing the door behind him. “I literally told Changbin that I was going to the venue first because I needed to talk to you” He took your hands into his rubbing his thumbs over your skin. “You look so beautiful…” his dark brown eyes practically twinkling as he looked at you. “Wow…” his cheek dimpled as his smile widened, he spun you in his hands as he took you in. 

You shyly looked at him, the warm way he stared at you making you more embarrassed than ever. “Should I be concerned that you wanted to talk to me before the wedding?” you frowned a bit “You’ve been ghosting me all day”

He gave you a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry...I just needed some time” 

“To think about us…?”

“No, not us” he smiled “We’re solid. I love you...but” he brought your fingers to his lips. “I just...I felt a little guilty. I wanna give you all of me...but I just..I’m a little worried that all of me isn’t enough...”

“Chris…” you frowned, taking his hand and bringing him over to the couch to sit with you. “You’re more than enough...if you didn’t know that then I’m...I’m not showing you how much I love everything about you…”

“I have a ways to go...but I always try my hardest...I’m not there yet but I’m trying-”

“You are perfect.” your tone, absolute. There was not a single thought in your mind of how perfect he was for you. 

“Your parents must hate me...They raise a beautiful, independent kind doctor and she settles for a single parent who make music-”

“Hey, that’s my soon to be husband you’re talking about. I’m not gonna let anyone trash talk you Chris, including you.” you squeezed his hand “And that last time I checked, I was the one marrying you not my parents.”

“But-”

“No buts. Yes you’re a parent. A parent of the literal light of my life, I can’t imagine my life without Minseo...I love her so much and you being her father will never be a negative...and yes you make music, you pour your heart into your passion and I love watching how you light up when you talk about it…. Chris I’m not settling for you in any capacity. I chose you to be my partner, my best friend, my soulmate, and my husband”

He let out that shy sweet giggle he had that you loved so much, his shoulders shrugging along with it. “I still don’t think I’m good enough but I’ll try to be…”

“Then I’ll spend the rest of my life as your partner, showing you that you are more than enough” you leaned in pressing a sweet kiss against his lips.

“I love you...and I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure that you always think I’m enough.. I’m really happy you’re gonna be my wife” he grinned at you pressing his forehead against yours. 

“Any more concerns? I want to rid you of your worries” you smiled lovingly at him. 

“I want to give you the world…”

“Chris you already have… You and Minseo are my whole world”

He pulled back, lacing his fingers with yours. There was something else that’s been weighing in the back of his mind, he always pushed it away because there was never a proper time to bring it up. He wanted to get married once, and to be fair to you he figured he should finally come clean about his life. “I wasn’t planning on telling you this minutes before we got married but...About Minseo’s mom…”

“Chris you don’t have to” you were always curious, but there was just something about his eyes that made you not push further. 

“But I want you to, I want to be fair to you...To know me” he took your hand placing it over his heart. “Know all of me…”

“Then, I’m here for you”

And for the first time in five years he opened up to someone. Felix and his parents were the only people who really knew the details. But there was something about coming clean to you that made him feel like a huge weight was lifted. He told you about his first love. The first person he gave his heart to, and the first time he dealt with heartbreak. She was stubborn, strong, independent, and dedicated to her job. Everything that he loved her for became the reason they broke up. 

“We didn’t plan for Minseo, but we did everything to prepare for her. To make sure she was loved. I was surprised at first but the moment I heard her heartbeat I knew I was going to do everything I could to protect her….As I got more invested in all of the prenatal care, my girlfriend seemed to lose a part of herself… It was like she powered through it… She was never the type to want to be a mom but I thought she changed her mind...But as soon as Minseo was born she left. Gave me full custody and a goodbye letter.”

Your eyes watered hearing his story, seeing the pain in his eyes. You pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his back softly. 

“Despite that… I don’t hate her... Because in the end, it was just so her...She couldn’t be tied down and I used to love her for that… And I thought I could change her... that maybe she’d pick me and our child and stay with us” he let out a broken and bitter laugh. “But if she stayed we would have been miserable...She would have resented me...Minseo wouldn’t have had a happy home, and for that I have no regrets” he looked up at you sheepishly, giving you such a sad smile. “If you’ll still have me… I’m all yours.”

There were no words of comfort you could offer him. Because this was a wound that he’s already healed. It was just one that he’s kept hidden. There was nothing more you could do to heal it, but you could show him that you love him, and everything he came with. “Christopher, I’ve told you before… I'm your partner, I’m not going anywhere”

“Promise?” and there was something about how he looked up to you with his big, warm, brown eyes. The vulnerable look of hope as he held his pinky out. You couldn’t help but smile at how similar he was to Minseo. 

“Promise” you wrapped your pinky around his, pressing your thumbs together, sealing the promise. “You ready to get married?”

“Absolutely” 

“I’m gonna go wait for you down the aisle” he pecked your lips again before heading out. 

You couldn’t help but smile, practically beaming and watching him leave. It was go-time. You changed back into your heels and took a deep breath. One final longing look at yourself before your father came in. “You ready?” Your dad watched you warmly, a smile never leaving his face. “You look so beautiful” he pulled you into the biggest warmest hug. “I can’t believe I have to give you away”

You laughed leaning into your dad as he walked you toward the hall. “You and mom both”

“Your mom means well...You know how she is?”

“I do but I just wished she wasn’t so hard on Chris...He works hard, he does what he loves and makes sure that his daughter wants for nothing. I appreciate him...I fell in love with his kindness first...Dad, he’s my home”

“I’m gonna be honest I thought he was an opportunist, and I didn’t see what he offered you at first but...the way you look at him… the way you stand up to your mother...how you are with Minseo. I see it.” he smiled, rubbing your back softly. “You chose your home and I’ll love and respect you for it.”

“Thanks Dad…”

He kissed your forehead as you reached the wedding hall, the music from the piano chiming as they anticipated you. “You will always be my Baby… but you’re gonna be that man’s wife, and that sweet little girl's mom.. You ready for that responsibility?”

“I am” the sureness in warmness in your voice was all the reassurance he needed. Your mom would come around eventually, but for now having your father's support and the love of your new family gave you the strength to support Chris.

As the doors swung open your eyes instantly went to your fiance standing by the altar, Minseo in his arms, eyes practically sparkling as she happily whispered to him, pointing at you. Even Though he’d spent the past twenty minutes by your side with you in your wedding dress, it really didn’t hit him until this moment that you were going to be his wife. 

The nerves finally hit you as you walked down the aisle. It wasn’t that you were anxious, you were just excited to finally start this part of your life. Your new family was waiting for you. 

And although you knew that you guys weren’t perfect, and there will be obstacles in your way. You were sure that with Chan you two could overcome anything. 

End.

Thank you for sticking with me all this time, we’re finally saying goodbye to this series. I’m sure I’ll make a oneshot for it here and there, just because I really like writing Minseo.

And *cough* I’m also *cough* maybe working on a short series/one shot for Minseo’s mom as the reader >.>

∘Tags List:

@skzsprinkles @tophuphu @hugs4chan @channieboyo  @cobbiebaexqueen @minnieskz  @em0cleo  @chwrryeols​ @binki-g @mythicalamphitrite

[thelastspeecher]

Superhero/villain AU - Playdate

I was looking through my AU Word docs for Inspiration for Stanuary, and stumbled across this scene that I never finished.  So I decided to finish this scene.  It stars Emmett McGucket, who sort of inadvertently became the star of the Superhero/villain AU lmao.

Enjoy.

———————————————————————————————————–

              Emmett opened the door to his house.

              “C’mon in,” he said nervously.  Carter punched his arm.

              “You don’t need to be anxious around me, man.  Hell, I’m the one who should be nervous.  I might get to meet a famous supervillain.”

              “…Probably not,” Emmett said, stepping aside so that Carter could come in. “Ma’s at her day job and Uncle Lute got called in to help his crew.”

              “That’s unfortunate,” Carter remarked.  He entered the house.  “Oh, well. At least I get to meet your dad and your sisters.”  He grinned at Emmett.  “I’m a bit curious about whether they’re actually as wild as you say.  I mean, compared to you, just about anyone’s wild.” Emmett flushed.  “I’m just teasing, relax.”

              “Yeah, I, uh, I knew that,” Emmett said weakly.  He closed the door.  “I’m glad your mom said you could finally come over.  You didn’t get lost on the way, did ya?”

              “Nah.”

              “And did you walk or-”

              “I biked.”  Carter eyed Emmett.  “Do you really wanna talk about how I got here, or show off your house a bit?” Emmett smiled.

              “Good point.  My room’s upstairs.”

              “Awesome.  Oh, before you show me your room, my mom told me to bring something over.  Apparently that’s the nice thing to do or whatever. So…”  Carter removed his backpack and dug around in it.  “Ah ha!  Here!” He handed Emmett a large candle. “You can give that to your dad.”

              “When he gets home, I will.”  Emmett brought the candle into the kitchen and set it on the counter.  When he returned, Carter raised an eyebrow.

              “He’s not home?”

              “Nope.”

              “But…he’s a stay-at-home dad.  Where is he?”

              “He, uh, he had to go run some errands,” Emmett fibbed.

              “He’ll be back before I leave, though, right?”  Carter grinned at him.  “I’m starting to wonder if he doesn’t exist or something.  You’re so secretive about him.”

              “Nah, he exists.  He’s just a bit uncomfortable with the whole villain thing,” Emmett said with a shrug. Carter shook his head.

              “That’s so weird.”

              “Hey, Emmett!” a voice shouted from the second floor.  Footsteps thundered down the stairs.  Daisy stuck her head around the corner to stare at Emmett and Carter.  Her eyes widened.  “Ooh, you have a friend over?”

              “Yes,” Emmett said.  “Ma and Dad said it was okay.”

              “Hmm.”  Daisy approached the two boys.  She crossed her arms.  “You’re short,” she said flatly to Carter.  Carter grinned.

              “I’ve seen you guys’ mom before.  I’m not nearly as short as her.  Or as Tsunami.”

              “True.”  Daisy continued to look Carter up and down.

              “Did you want somethin’?” Emmett asked.  Daisy shrugged.

              “Yeah, but since you’ve got a guest, I’ll just harass Emily about it.” She burst into flames and flew away. Carter’s jaw dropped.  He turned to stare at Emmett.  Emmett smiled weakly.

              “I told you my sisters were all elementals.”

              “Yeah, but-”  Carter chortled.  “Man, I wish my family had cooler powers.  When we show off, it’s not nearly as fun.”  Emmett’s smile strengthened.  “Anyways, do you have any fun video games?”

              “I don’t really play many video games, but my dad and Danny like to play Need for Speed.”

              “Hell yeah!  Lead the way.”

-----

              The video game session was interrupted a few times by Emmett’s sisters, who were incredibly curious about his friend and not bothering to be polite about it.  Eventually, Emily settled down in Stan’s favorite armchair in the living room, silently reading a book on pyrotechnics and occasionally glancing over at Emmett and Carter, playing video games from the floor.

              “So, Emily, do you think you’ll be the next Sirocco?” Carter asked after winning yet another round.  Emily shrugged.

              “Maybe.  Depends on when Ma decides to retire.  I don’t wanna steal her codename while she’s still usin’ it.”  Emily turned a page in her book.  “Dunno if I’ll go the full villain route, though.”  Carter whipped his head around to stare at her.

              “What?  You’re thinking about being a non-villainous Sirocco?  That’s insane.”  Carter shook his head.  “See, this is why it was stupid that your parents didn’t send you all to Sycamore Grove. Now not all of you will be villains!”

              “Well, Dad’ll be happy about that, at least,” Emily muttered.  Carter set down his controller and leaned back against the couch.

              “This mysterious ‘dad’ again,” he drawled.  He looked at Emmett.  “Seriously, where is he?  He’s not doing a very good job of being a stay-at-home dad if he’s not home.”

              “He’s got other things to do,” Emily said.  “And we’re old enough to watch ourselves anyways.”

              “Fine, I’ll drop it,” Carter muttered.  He turned his attention back to the game.  “So, Emmett, you said all your sisters were elementals.  Emily’s an aerokinetic, what about the others?”

              “Danny’s a cryo, she gets that from our Ma’s grandma,” Emmett said.  “And Daisy’s a pyro, she gets that from Dad.”

              “Your dad’s a pyro?”

              “Yeah.”

              “Honestly, I didn’t even realize he was a super,” Carter commented.  “Why isn’t he a villain?  He married one and he’s got the right power for it.”

              “Not all supers are masks,” Emmett said.  “I mean, I don’t think I’ll wind up being a mask.”

              “But to marry a mask and not be one-” Carter started.  Emmett paused the game.  He looked at Carter.  “You guys are pretty touchy about this.”

              “Well, yeah,” Emily piped up.  “You think we haven’t heard this same line of questionin’ from Ma’s coworkers?”  After a moment, Carter nodded.

              “Fair point.  So-” Whatever else Carter was about to say was interrupted by a loud crash in the backyard.  “What the hell was that?” Carter asked, getting up.  Voices carried from outside.

              “You almost crushed me there, Pines.”  Emmett and Emily exchanged a look.

              That sounds like Uncle Lute.

              “Excuse me for not having a perfect landing while I’m bleeding out, Gucket,” Stan snapped.  Footsteps sounded on the back porch, which led directly into the living room via a sliding glass door.  The door opened.  “Who put the curtains down?”

              “Prob’ly one of-” Lute started, pulling back the curtain.  He paused, catching sight of Emily, Emmett, and Carter, who were all staring at him.  “Um.” Before anyone could say anything, Lute suddenly tumbled out of sight with a yelp.  “Son of a- Emily, get yer father off me ‘fore he flattens me.” Emily jumped to her feet.  As she went to help, Emmett grabbed Carter’s hand.

              “We should prob’ly go upstairs.”

              “What?  Why?” Carter asked.

              “This seems like something that we shouldn’t-” Emmett started.  Danny and Daisy raced down the stairs.

              “We saw Dad crash in the yard,” Danny said breathlessly.  “Is Ma-”

              “Yes, yer mother’s on her way, but right now, we need to move yer father to the couch,” Lute said, pulling the curtain open.  The action revealed Stan, unconscious and pale, being partially lifted by Emily.  And, to Emmett’s dread, his father was in his superhero outfit.

              “Come on, Carter, we need to get out of the way,” Emmett said, pulling Carter up from the couch and dragging him upstairs.  His power dampener beeped.  Once they reached the landing of the second floor, Carter pulled his hand free.

              “Did you try to control me?” Carter asked quietly.

              “What?  No!”

              “Your power dampener just lit up.”

              “I- sometimes when I get worked up- I still wear the dampener for a reason,” Emmett stammered.  Carter looked back down to the first floor.  “No!”  Emmett’s dampener beeped again, making him grimace.

              “What the hell is going on?” Carter demanded, still looking into the living room from above.  “Is that- is that your mom’s archnemesis?  That looks like Flamethrower.”  Emmett broke into a nervous sweat.  “Why did your uncle bring an unconscious superhero to your house?  And why-”  Carter’s eyes widened.  “Your uncle called him your dad.  So did your sister.  And you said your dad was a pyro, which Flamethrower is.”  Carter swore softly.  “Your dad…is Flamethrower?”

              “Can- can we talk about this in my room?”

              “Yeah.  Sure.”

-----

              Once Emmett had closed the door to his room, Carter looked at him expectantly.

              “Care to explain why your dad is a superhero?”

              “I…I don’t know, to be honest.”  Emmett crossed over to his bed and sat down.  Carter sat next to him.  “I told you the first day we met that I didn’t know how my parents met.  Which isn’t completely true – I know how they met. But I don’t know why they became a couple.  From what I understand, they didn’t get along for years, then, out of nowhere, they became a couple and had Danny and Daisy.”

              “What’s the exact timeframe here?” Carter asked thoughtfully.

              “Pardon?”

              “How long between your parents getting together and your older sisters being born?”

              “I…”  Emmett stared at his friend.  “Are you suggesting that my parents got together because my dad got my ma pregnant?”

              “It’s a possibility.”

              “But how would my sisters have gotten conceived if they were still enemies?”

              “Oh, like you haven’t noticed how steamy some fights get,” Carter scoffed. “You pin your enemy against a wall, their eyes stare directly into yours…”

              “Ugh!  Okay, I get it, just-”  Emmett grimaced.  “Stop makin’ me imagine that happening with my parents.”  Carter snickered.  “At the end of the day, though, the timeline isn’t important, and neither is the way my parents got together.  What’s important is that they’re married and love each other now.”

              “Yeah.”  Carter shook his head.  “That’s weird as fuck, man.  No wonder you’re always so cagey about your dad.”

              “If anyone found out…”  Emmett’s throat abruptly became choked up with fear.  “My uncle told me that, back when Danny and Daisy were still really little, one of Dad’s coworkers found out he married a supervillain.  The coworker went rogue and kidnapped Dad.  My ma rescued him, but it was a big mess.”  Emmett met Carter’s eyes.  “You can’t tell anyone.”

              “What would happen if I did?” Carter asked.  Emmett’s heart broke.  His expression must have shown this, because Carter quickly backpedaled.  “I won’t!  Sorry, I didn’t- I’m just so used to playing devil’s advocate that I said that without thinking.”

              “I don’t know what would happen.  But I would definitely never be able to see you again.”

              “Well, you don’t need to worry, ‘cause I won’t tell a soul,” Carter said firmly. Emmett smiled.

              “Thank you.”  There was a knock.  “Yes?” Danny opened the door.

              “Dad wants to talk to you and yer friend,” she said, looking directly at Carter with a cold gaze.  “Come on.” Emmett and Carter exchanged a look, then stood up and followed Danny downstairs.  Stan was on the couch, still wearing the bottoms to his heroing outfit, with a large bandage over much of his bared torso.  Thankfully, he was now awake and drinking a can of Pitt Cola.

              “Glad yer okay, Dad,” Emmett said quietly.  Stan grinned at him.

              “Takes a lot more than what happened today to put your old man out of commission.”  He looked at Carter.  “Sorry about ruining your playdate with Emmett.”

              “Dad!” Emmett yelped.  Stan chuckled.

              “I’m just teasing, sport.  Seriously though, Carter, this isn’t how I planned on meeting you.”

              “Shit happens,” Carter said with a shrug.  Stan nodded.

              “I like that attitude.”  His easygoing demeanor abruptly vanished.  Emmett swallowed, recognizing the stony expression on his father’s face.  Stan was shifting into what Emily called “take no shit mode”.  “Look, kid, you can’t tell anyone what you saw or think you saw today.”

              “Don’t worry, I already told Emmett I’d keep it a secret,” Carter said. Stan looked at him doubtfully.  “I don’t want to mess up my best friendship. Or anger one of the most powerful families in villainy.”  Stan nodded.

              “Smart.  Even if Angie and I have to go into hiding with the kids, the rest of her family won’t have to.  And you know exactly how dangerous the McGuckets are.”

              “Yes, sir.”

              “You’re giving me your word that you’ll keep my secret identity to yourself,” Stan said.  Carter nodded.  “I need you to say it, son.”  Emmett noted with some amusement that the way Stan said his last sentence reminded him of someone.  He glanced at Danny, who, judging by her expression, had also picked up on it.

              He sounded just like Grampie Gucket.  Carter, somehow not quailing under the force of Stan’s stare, nodded again.

              “I give you my word that I won’t tell anyone your secret identity, Emmett’s dad.”  Immediately, Stan left “take no shit mode” and chortled.

              “You can call me Mr. Pines, kid.  That’s what Emmett’s sister’s friends call me.”

              “Ah.  Okay. Mr. Pines.  Your secret is safe with me.”

              “Good.”  Stan got up from the couch, poorly stifling a groan of pain.  Danny crossed her arms, scowling.  “Princess, don’t give me that look.”

              “You shouldn’t be getting up, Dad.  If you need something, I can get it.”

              “Nope.  No dice.” Stan clapped Danny on the shoulder. “I’m gonna go call your ma to let her know I’m not unconscious anymore.”

              “Are my services as a human ice pack no longer needed, then?”

              “Yes, sweetie, you’re free to go.”

              “Great.”  Danny went back upstairs and ducked into her room.

              “Dad, I think Danny’s right,” Emmett said.  “You should be laying down.”

              “Nope!  You and your little friend can get back to playing.  Whattaya think for dinner?  Spaghetti? I gotta get started soon if it’s gonna be ready at a reasonable time.”

              “You’re making dinner?” Carter asked.  Stan raised an eyebrow.

              “I’m a stay-at-home dad when I’m not getting stabbed by villains.  Feeding my kids is my job.”

              “But you just got hurt.”

              “Eh.  I’ve had worse.”  Stan grinned. “My wife’s given me worse.”

              “Dad!” Emmett whined.  Stan chuckled.  He walked into the kitchen.

              “Why’s there some candle in here?”

              “My mom told me to bring a gift over,” Carter called.

              “Nice,” Stan said.  “Very classy.”  Carter looked at Emmett, amused.  Emmett shrugged.

              “He’s right.  Bringin’ that was pretty classy.”  Carter laughed and punched Emmett’s shoulder.

              “You’re funny, ‘Met.  C’mon, let’s get back to me kicking your ass at video games.”

[sleepywinchester]

Behind The Story S2 - Pt 29

Summary: Another shooting season is ending, after being apart for what it seemed like years, you are meeting Jensen in Vancouver. 

Author: sleepywinchester (prev. deanwinchester-af)

Characters: Jensen, Reader, Jared, Gen and Cast Cameos.

Pairings: Single!Jensen x Actress!Reader (Nina Dobrev = Faceclaim)

Words: 1.5k

Beta: N/A

Warnings: implied smut :)

Visual:  n/a

Disclaimer: NO HATE TOWARDS DANNEEL!

We wuv her in this acc but this is just for science lol

Author’s Note: Hola everybody! I hope everyone is staying safe in their homes and that your families and elderly ones are safe as well. For my fellow essential workers, hang in there! I know its hard to be working through this difficult times but this shall be over soon. Hope this chapter entertains you guys :’) I am going to be honest, the last chapters of BTS is just a bunch of behind the story details and more about them and how are they living their life. Not drama, not really a plot, just experiences. I didn’t want to add a whole crazy plot as  I am finishing this story. Either way, I hope you guys still like it. I wanna know all the feelings. As always;  hope you guys like this one ♥

>>> side note: these are the last chapters ever i am not adding anyone to the tag list.

Title: 

MASTERLIST

It has been a couple of months since the last time you were in an airplane. Before taking a break from being a full-time actress, you practically lived inside of one. Since you became a full-time stay at home mom, it was very rare for you to be inside of one of these steel birds. You found flying oddly satisfying and peaceful, which is otherwise for most people. It has been three weeks since you saw Jensen and you could not wait a single day more without being in his arms. The entire long-distance relationship was harder than usual. The wait was going to be over soon, soon as thirty more minutes you were going to see your husband and you could not be happier. 

You and Jensen have been planning a “baecation” for months and the date was finally here. JJ was home in Austin with your mother and father who practically moved to your house to take care of her. It was bittersweet to leave her in the states but the trip wasn’t really toddler-friendly. Instead, you had committed to planning a second vacation, a family one, before the summer ended. 

Your thoughts were up in the clouds when a ‘bop’ noise caught your attention.

Jensen: “Can’t wait to be in Africa with you.” 

A smile formed on your face at the message from Jensen. 

“I can’t wait to be in our hotel tub with you ;)’ You replied feeling slightly flirtatious. 

“Do not  start with your frisky texts when you’re hundreds of miles above the ground…. Too far from me to do anything about it.”

That message made you chuckle and caught the attention of the elderly lady next to you. Shaking your head, you leaned more against the window and continued to text your husband. 

“Why not? If you think about it, I am just building the mood...” 

You glanced at the three dots for a couple of seconds before receiving a reply. 

“Yes, but we won’t be alone until later today…” 

You bit your lower lip, “Then I’ll just have to make up for the time lost.”

“You’re something else…” He replied.

“And you love me for that,” you smiled after sending send.

You looked at the three dots transform into a new text from him.

 “I do. Gotta go back to shooting. To. Be. Continued…” Jensen sent.

In that moment something came up to your mind, a marvelous and sexy idea. You haven’t done this in months, but it wasn’t surely your first time trying it. Standing up from your seat and giving the elderly lady an apologetic smile, you went into the plane’s bathroom. 

You were wearing a buttoned white top, looking at your reflection in the tiny mirror your smirked. This was going to be the start of a romantic vacation. After undoing most of the buttons of your top, you adjusted your breast in a provocative way. You were wearing your hair down and to the side, adding a little bit of spice by running your fingers through your hair and making it a messy look. Grabbing your phone, you opened the camera app and snapped a couple of provocative pictures of yourself. 

Opening Jensen’s conversation, you inserted the pictures and wrote. “Gosh, I reaaaaally can't wait to see you.” And after that the very provocative photo was sent to your husband. 

You fixed yourself into a more presentable matter and turned your hair into a bun. Walking back you smirked as you found your seat and leaned against the window. Doing that felt like you had some sort of dirty secret. The smirk on your face grew wider when you heard your phone beep. 

“You will be the death of me woman.” Jensen replied.

“I am just trying to show how much I miss you,” you replied.

After that reply you let your husband go to work and you took a power nap because you were sure there was no way you were going to have any sleep tonight. 

/ / / 

“Hey Cliff!” you greeted with enthusiasm as you got into the black SUV. 

Cliff was picking you up at the airport since Jensen was still shooting on set. It has been a while since he drove you anywhere and you were very happy to be in his presence. He smiled and continued to put your suitcases in the trunk. 

“How was the flight?” Cliff asked.

You pouted for a second then bit your lower lip as you glance outside the window. It took you a couple seconds to figure out a way to explain the previous semi-frisky event. 

“It was… good,” you curved the corners of your lips. 

He shot a glance through the rear mirror and smirked. “That’s good, my last flight was full of turbulence,” he said.

“I am so happy that wasn’t the case for mine,” you replied. 

“How’s JJ?” 

You instantly smiled, “She’s good and very happy with my overly consenting parents. I am telling you those two give her enough candy to crawl a twenty story building.”

Cliff laughed at your comment, “That’s what grandparents are for.”

You chuckled, “Agreed.”

At that moment your mother called you via Facetime. Picking the call the first face you see is your daughter’s face covered in chocolate. 

“See? Told you she would be eating some candy by now,” you say as you looked at the screen. “Hey baby! How are you?”

“Good,” she replied with her small cheeks stuffed with candy. “Candy!!” She showed the chocolate bar. 

“I see,” you said with a smile, “grandma giving you all the candy you want?”

JJ nodded her head and passed the phone to your mom.

“Mom,” you said, “she won’t let you guys sleep tonight.” 

Your mom shrugged with no care in the world, “I don’t care - I will stay up until tomorrow for her.”

“You say that now,” you said with a smirk. “She looks too cute.”

JJ was sitting on top of your mom’s lap, bouncing with happiness as she ate her piece of candy. 

“She is the cutest,” your mom kissed the top of her blonde head. 

Tonight was the last night of Jensen shooting for season fourteen. It wasn’t the last season but you surely felt like the time was coming. The feeling was very bittersweet. This show was the beginning of so many good things for you and your family and it ending was a very sad thing to think about.

A smile formed on your lips when you saw that Cliff was approaching the familiar white gates. 

“We’re here,” he said - greeting the guards with a head gesture. 

You smiled at them, glancing at the familiar faces and trailers laying around. Cliff drove directly to the one trailer you have been dying to be since this morning. When he finally parked you quickly hopped off the SUV. He followed you and got your bags off the trunk. 

At that moment Jensen was walking out of his trailer with the biggest smile on his face. 

“Babe!” You shouted, running towards him. 

The people around you might think that you guys were overacting a little, you two were married and there was no way you two could still be this excited to see each other. They all were wrong, you and Jensen still got excited to see each other after all these years. Yes, some days will be normal days and not like big scenes that looked like they were brought out a Hallmark movie but when you build the anticipation of seeing the person you love, most of your reunions look like a scene from a romantic movie. And it surely felt like it. 

You jumped to his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck as he wrapped his around your body. Kissing Jensen’s lips felt like home. 

“I’ve,” you began to talk between kisses, “missed - you - so - much.” 

Jensen let out a laugh, kissing you one more time as he hold you tightly. “Missed you too, babe.” 

“I guess my job is done,” Cliff stood by the SUV.  “Am I driving you guys home or you driving?” He looked at Jensen.

“I actually have to stay one more night here, we got a delay and we have to do a night shoot,” Jensen looked at you. “Sorry babe.” 

You shrugged, “It’s alright. I can stay with you in the trailer and we can leave for the airport from here tomorrow.”

“Are you sure, Y/N?” Cliff asked. “I can take you to the apartment - I don’t mind.”

“It’s okay, Cliff,” you said. “I’ll stay.”

He nodded, “Alright. I’ll pick you guys tomorrow for the airport.” 

Jensen nodded, “Thanks, man. See ya.”

Cliff turned and got into the SUV. You looked at Jensen in the eyes, they were dark and mysterious but his smirk gave you an idea of what he was thinking. 

“So…” you pulled him closer and kissed his lips. “At what time you have to shoot?” 

Jensen looked at his watch, “11pm.”

“Oh - we got time,” you said walking into the trailer. 

/ / /

“Jesus Christ,” you gasped for air, “that was-” 

“So fucking good,” Jensen let out, also catching his breath. 

You looked at his eyes, leaning forward and kissing his lips. Both enjoying the bliss of the moment. He caressed your lower back softly as you looked at his chest slowly going up and down. 

“I’ve missed you so much, Jensen,” you said. 

He grinned, giving you another soft kiss, “Me too, babe.” 

Suddenly someone was banging at the door of Jensen’s trailer. You let out a soft groan as you turned and got off the bed, then continued into the bathroom. 

Jensen stood up from the bed, sliding into some sweatpants that were near his bed. The door was still getting banged up.

“If its Jared, I’m fucking killing him,” you shouted from the bathroom.

“Not before I do,” Jensen said before opening the door. 

It was Jared indeed. 

“Dude?” Jensen furrowed his eyebrows. 

Jared looked at him confused, “Why you’re not dressed? We need to go like ASAP.”

“What time is it?” Jensen asked oblivious.

“Freaking 10:30!” Jared shouted and walked into the trailer. 

“Dude-,” Jensen began to talk but you walked out of the bathroom wearing a robe. 

“Surprise!” You smiled to Jared.

Jared looked at you with wide eyes before turning to Jensen. “You guys were fucking.” 

“Yes we were,” you said proudly walking to the fridge, “ and you just interrupted us.”

Jared looked at you and laughed as you grabbed water from the fridge. You and him talked briefly about the trip to Africa as Jensen quickly got a shower and got dressed. In the beginning it was supposed to be a couples retreat but Gen was too far in her pregnancy to travel. 

“I’m ready,” Jensen walked out, holding your lower back. “See you in the morning?” 

“Mhm,” you kissed his lips. “I’ll finish your packing.” 

“Thanks,” he said before walking out.

@flawsweirdo @sis-tafics​​​​​ @torn-and-frayed​​​​​​ @blacktithe7​​​​​​ @ruined-by-destiel​​​​​ @kazchester-fanfiction​​​​ @xtina2191​​​​​ @padackles2010 @adriellej​​​ @chickenmcsade​​​​​ @nokillzforu @faith-in-dean​​​​​​ @thing-you-do-with-that-thing​​​​​​@supernaturalyobessed​​​@feelmyroarrrr@latinenglishfandomblog @fandommaniacx​​​​​​ @purgatoan @capsofwinchesters​​​​​  @deansbaekaz2y5 @danijimenezv​​​​​​ @jayankles​​​​​​  @fuckingpisces​​​​​ @mskitty416​​​​​  @starswirlblitz​​​​​ @sam-w​​​ @doro7winchester​​​​ @silver-and-green​​​​​  @sydneymarie101195​​​​​ @smoothdogsgirl​​​​​   @ivvitm1109​​​​​ @hobby27​​​​​​ @typicalweirdbookworm​​​​​​  @thisismysecrethappyplace​

[thoughtsdying]

People trying to force romance in kids and teenagers and frankly anyone is shit. I had weird ideas of romance as a preescolar bc of it. I said, legit, that four of the poor boys in my classroom were my “boyfriends”. Their opinion of course, was unnedeed.

What I mean, as I can disluce from my foggy memories of being 4, is that I thought having boyfriends was the proper to do thing  as was having imaginary friends but that’s another story so I invented a list and choose the boys based in who liked to play pursue at recess. 

My actual one male-friend (a quiet kid with no friends I remember) and two ones I thought were ok (funny to play with) + the one I saw as my rival for top grade (I have that obsession with rivals in anime from somewhere xd + he was cute).

When I arrived at primary school I did the same thing the first two years to three boys. One was left out of this twisted game quite easily, the other was my second friend in the new school (later out as gay) and thought I was crazy but awesome, so whatever and the third I gave trauma and stalker issues. Not seriously but like. He had to tell his mom to tell my mom to leave him alone bcs I didn’t listen to him. YIKES lil’me YIKES.

 Bc we girls played at weddings in the recess, and when not marrying girls we dragged boys into our games. Various times he was the groom, kicking and screaming, literally. Then we both runned away bc they wanted us to kiss and kissing someone forcibly was gross for me even at 7, thank god, not so yikes lil’me.

 Plus the feeling of us against the others the runs gave me were pretty dope. Thankfully my mom was a saint and explained quite well why it was wrong, plus that sometimes people are shy and prefer to be left alone with just subtle gestures no need to overwhelm them. Attract them to you. It was obviously a ploy to make me leave alone the poor boy that worked perfectly lmao

I didn't really like him; he was just intelligent and not a douche, kept to himself. (Do we see a pattern?) He was quite the friki at 12 the last time I saw him so personality-wise for a friend I had good instincts xD

 We had a cool few talks in the travel of sixth grade (last year of primary) and at graduation which made me realise we could have been good friends if I hadn't been such a weirdo to him. I apologized and explained a bit of the mess, and he talked to me about his stress at the time, and then we talked about silly stuff.

Also, a weird time in fitfh grade when people thought a guy from the theatre and I were dating. To be fair he confessed to me, and we were friends. Later he told me that I had been his first girlfriend to which I told him no way, I had no idea, it didn’t count. WE WERE 11!!! LMAO

Then nothing. A weird aesthetic wanna be her friend thingy on a girl in 3rd of ESO at 14 which to date is the closest to a crush I've come. I think. From what other people describe. I didn’t dare be her friend. Plus we didn’t have many things in common. She was... normal. But really long pretty black hair. It completely disappeared towards the next year.

Two other cases of me building a weird fantasy in my head of a nebulous vaguely romantic friendship + some kiss but no sex or real attraction towards two guys, one a liminal friend in the bus home from hc at 16 and the other a case of I make vaguely dating gestures towards you bc wanna be friends and you cool. I swore off romance after that last disaster (disaster in my mind. I simply ghosted a potential friend and a friend who was his cousin).

I had a more serious almost something with a fem-friend but that's another history.

What I was getting into with young me embarrassing not-romantic history is that forcing romance caused these situations to happen and made me lose or break potential cool platonic friendships. I hated getting into them but some nebulous concept of obligation + fantasy made me fall for the illusions. 

And primary school children and toddlers... gah. I know some people are like, but yeah romance and I remember my first crush/kiss etc. But I’m blank. It was all part of some grand joke everybody was playing. (big aro mood I think) I didn’t understand what like everyone was referring to. 

I still don’t get the overcomplicated messes of teenage-me friends, nor YA-actual-me. I get people is stupid and delicate and we’re all unable to be sincere. But I’ve never lost my head so much. Dunno, I still want like superfriends with whom to be intimate and share things with. But a romantic partner??

。。。Maybe is my family culture? My mother separated from my father (may that asshole go to therapy one of these days) when I was 5 and since then has been in 2 relationships of 2-3 years each with a long separation in between. Her brother and sisters are also forever-bachelors, my only cousin only met his father once a few years ago. 

My grandma divorced my grandad when she caught him with another woman, and told him after slapping him “she or me” and he said “both, this is what there is”, and she said “out of my house you aren’t making a fool of me” and yeah. With five children. Generational trauma, or just high standards? THE QUESTION OF MY LIFE LMAO

They’re quite happy even so, I like to think. But yeah. 

[thinkingaboutyoungroyals]

Lost Boy (Chapter 4: The Past)

Summary: When his family moves from San Francisco to the town of Shadyside, T.J. thought his life would change. And it did. He just didn’t think it would come in the form of the ghost of a boy who haunted his new bedroom.

Prologue

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

Tag list: @delicatesleeper,@ibroughtachallah,@frenchtohste,@alittletooliteralleah,@tyrusmagocious,@tjskipping, @mirrorslover, @opatrickr, @lesbianrelateddeath, @mirrorslover,@opatrickr, @justkimberley, @burning-hot-pan, @green-lemonboys, @anotherangelfromspace, @thebisexualweirdo,@likelightning-inabottle, @thedampjofangirl, @fizasdr, @awkward-bisexual-alien, @whipashwhipash

............

David Bowie’s “Changes” was playing loudly from the speakers. The Red Rooster wasn’t quite as crowded since it was a weekday, just a couple of adults examining the instruments and a few kids browsing through the stuff or playing with the instruments.

Bobbing his head along to the music, T.J. flipped through the records nonchalantly. On the opposite side of the rack, Andi was prattling on and on about Art Club and all her ideas to contribute. T.J. had to smile at her enthusiasm – the girl had a way of easing his tension.

Cyrus was right about her – she was a sweet one.

“So, how’s adjusting to Shadyside life?” she randomly asked. “Have you fully embraced our little town?”

T.J. hummed. “A small town has pros and cons.”

“What’s a pro?”

“Everyone knows everyone so we’ve had a new visitor almost everyday, welcoming us to the neighborhood and bringing food. Mom has taken a break from cooking.”

“That sounds nice! And a con?”

T.J. made a face. “Everyone knows everyone.”

Andi laughed, shaking her head. “You get used to it. I’ve lived here my whole life.”

She didn’t realize it but it was the opening T.J. needed. “So…you’ve probably grown up with almost everyone at Grant, then?”

“Pretty much.”

“So…who else do you hang out with? Aside from Libby and Walker.”

Libby and Walker were Andi’s art club friends – she introduced them to T.J. a few days ago. Libby was deaf but, like Andi, she could make headbands, jewelry, and clothing out of anything she could get her hands on. Meanwhile, Walker was a happy-go-lucky painter and caricaturist.

The three of them together were a walking art machine. So, it made T.J. wonder where Buffy and Cyrus fell in before the latter passed away.

“Jonah Beck and I hang out sometimes,” she casually stated.

T.J. knew him – he was in his English class. He was a pretty dude, but not really T.J.’s type.

“And…” she trailed off, her earlier beaming smile turning sad.

“And?” T.J. prodded, hoping he wasn’t being too annoying.

Andi cleared her throat. “And there’s my best friend Buffy.” She didn’t mention Cyrus, at all. “But we haven’t really hung out in a while. She’s been busy pursuing other things and so have I.”

“Oh, okay.” T.J. racked his brains for something else to say. “Oh yeah, tomorrow is basketball tryouts. Honestly, I’m kinda nervous.”

Andi flashed him an encouraging smile. “I’m sure you’ll do great!”

“Uh… do you want to come and watch? For moral support? I could use it.”

Sure, he could always ask Amber but he needed Andi there. It was important.

Without missing a beat, Andi nodded. “Sure! I’ll be there!”

“Great! Thanks, Andi. That means a lot.”

“Anytime!” She looked down and grinned. Pulling out a Cyndi Lauper record, she covered her face with it. “Do I look like a girl who just wants to have fun?”

T.J. laughed. “Totally.”

…….

T.J. felt him before he heard him.

“Hey, Sixth Sense.”

Chuckling as he looked up from his homework. “I think you’re running out of nicknames, Ghost Boy.”

Cyrus beamed from where he sat, perched on T.J.’s desk, as always. Thus, the latter had chosen to do his homework on his bed, instead.

“So, how was your day?” the ghost asked.

“Pretty good. I hung out with your friend Andi after school. She’s fun.”

“Told ya!”

He answered the last question on his History homework before shutting his notebook and textbook and moving them to the side. He locked gazes with Cyrus.

“Where do you go when you’re not here?” T.J. asked, curiously.

“Oh. Just around.”

A simple and straightforward answer. But, it still left a lot of questions.

T.J. raised an eyebrow. “We’ve been living together for pretty much two weeks now. You can drop the whole mysterious act.”

“Maybe I wanna keep on being mysterious,” Cyrus replied, looking smug.

T.J. opened his mouth to answer but a knock on his door interrupted.

“It’s open!” he called out.

The door cracked a smidge and Amber poked her pretty blonde head in. 

“Are you talking to someone in here?” she asked, eyebrow raised.

T.J. flashed a look at where Cyrus was before meeting his sister’s eyes.

She turned pale. “Oh.”

Even though he had already explained to her that Cyrus was a good ghost and had no intention of hurting her, she still wasn’t fond of the idea of there being a ghost in their house, at all. She rarely ever went to T.J.’s room because of this.

“Well… uh… Mom will probably be home soon and if she hears you talking to yourself, she’ll think you’ve gone nuts.”

T.J. hummed. “Pretty sure we’re past that.”

“T.J.,” Amber seethed. “She thought you were doing drugs when she saw you talking to yourself last year!”

“And I told her I’m clean now.”

“You never did drugs to begin with!”

T.J. spared a look in Cyrus’ direction just to see his eyes wide in rapt attention.

Great. He was definitely going to get questions now. Maybe he could distract him. The boy was easily distracted by one thing or another. He was probably the type who never held grudges when he was alive.

“Look, the walls here are not paper thin like the apartment,” T.J. explained. “So, there’s no way she’ll hear. And her room is on the other side of the house. I’ll be fine. And I’m careful.”

Amber still didn’t look convinced but nonetheless, she nodded. Taking one last nervous look around the room, she swallowed.

“Okay, I’m gonna go back to my room. And… make sure it doesn’t follow me?”

Cyrus laughed and shook his head. “Tell her I have no intention of doing so. I’m a gentleman.”

T.J.’s lips twitched. “He won’t follow you. Don’t worry.”

Amber nodded again before quickly pulling her head back and closing the door.

“Your sister is very… paranoid,” Cyrus stated.

T.J. sighed. “She doesn’t have the best experience with ghosts.”

Cyrus nodded, sympathetically. “That bad, huh?”

“Yeah…”

“Do you mind me asking what happened?”

He was about to say “no” but paused, considering the idea.

No one else knew about the story – only him and Amber. He knew she still had nightmares about it. That memory would even make its way into his dreams and he would wake up sweating with his heart thumping so hard that it hurt. Always – for a brief moment – he would be back in that room in their apartment in San Francisco.

Cyrus was suddenly gone from the desk.

“I was raised by four psychologists,” his voice spoke right next to T.J. 

The blonde almost jumped ten feet into the air. “Dude! You’ve got to stop doing that! Just walk towards me!”

Cyrus laughed. “Sorry! I haven’t considered that you might be startled by that. I’m just so used to doing it and no one really reacting. But, I’ll try to stop, I promise.”

T.J. huffed. “You better. What if I get a heart attack and drop dead right here? I’ll haunt you forever.”

“We’ll be ghost buddies, then! Together for all eternity!”

T.J.’s cheeks burned and his heart skipped a beat. That was not the answer he expected. 

Cyrus’ laugh diminished to a soft smile. “You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to. But, it might make you feel better. And, like I said, I was raised by four psychologists. Well, three psychologists and a life coach, but same deal. So, I’m a pretty good listener. I’m here if you need me.”

It was kind of funny how Cyrus could go from extremely comical to touchingly sweet, all in a span of ten seconds.

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it.” T.J. scraped his nails against one jean-covered knee. “It’s just not the most pleasant memory. And only Amber and I really know about it. Mom…she doesn’t know everything that happened. She doesn’t know about my abilities, at all, and…”

“That’s why she thought you were doing drugs?”

T.J. let out a chuckle devoid of humor. “I should have been more vigilant.” He let out a deep breath. “Anyway… what happened… well… Remember when I told you I started seeing my grandma’s ghost when I was 6?”

Cyrus nodded.

“Well, she wasn’t the only ghost in our apartment.”

The image of a little girl, her hair in pigtails and wearing a long pink dress, floated in his mind.

“Her name was Emily. She was around 6 when she died. Probably why she latched on to me because we were the same age. I didn’t mind playing with her and all. And she was kinda fun.” He chuckled. “Mom thought I had an imaginary friend.”

He was silent for a moment, recalling every moment with Emily. Meeting her. Agreeing to be her friend. Playing with her. Being happy that he had a secret friend that no one else knew about.

“Amber is only a year older than me, so it’s normal for us to get into fights. We fought a lot when we were kids. And, Emily… she didn’t like that. She was really protective of me.”

“O-Oh…” Cyrus’ voice was shaky but he was paying close attention.

T.J. let out another breath.

“Well, one day, Amber and I were fighting. I don’t even remember what the fight was about but she was really mad. And when Amber was mad, she got physical. She pushed me and tried to pull all my hair out. After mom broke up the fight, she put us in different rooms. I was in the living room and Amber was in our bedroom.”

He swallowed as he tried to steady his shaking hands.

“I was watching T.V. when I heard Amber scream. At first, I thought she just saw a bug or something and I didn’t really bother to check for a while. Then… she called for me.”

“T.J.! T.J.! Help me!”

“I ran into the room and I saw her... dangling out the window. She said she fell but… I saw Emily next to the window, just watching her and...smiling”

“What did you do?!”

“She was mean to you!”

“She’s my sister! Amber!”

“I tried to pull her up but I was only 6. I thought she was going to fall.”

“Oh my god…” Cyrus whispered, looking horrified.

T.J. bit his lip.

“T.J.! Help me! Help me! T.J.!”

“Luckily, mom came back from the laundry room and saw us. She pulled Amber in. She wouldn’t stop crying. And Emily was angry that it didn’t go the way she wanted. That was the first time I saw her like that. So… sinister and malevolent.”

“So… you told Amber about Emily?” Cyrus asked.

“Not at first. I wanted to keep it to myself. But, she kept asking me who I was talking to, wouldn’t stop annoying me. She even threatened to throw my basketball out the window. So, I finally did. She didn’t believe me at first, called me a liar and everything. But, then, Emily started playing pranks on her. She would take Amber’s toys and move them. She would pull on Amber’s hair. Once she…” He swallowed. “She dunked her head under the water while Amber was taking a bath.”

“Oh my god,” Cyrus repeated.

“After the bathtub incident, Amber finally believed me. She refused to sleep in our room. It came to the point where she would cry and throw tantrums until Mom finally swapped rooms with us. And I was mad at Emily. Yelled at her until I cried. So…ever since, I was afraid of her and every ghost I saw. I pretended I didn’t see them and I started ignoring Emily and my grandma.”

His Nana wasn’t happy, he often caught her looking sad when he would ignore her. She had tried talking to him but he would leave the room or stick headphones in his ears so he wouldn’t have to listen.

“I only started helping ghosts when I turned 8,” T.J. continued. “My grandma…once I finally decided to start talking to her again… she told me it was an inherited ability. She had it and her mom and grandfather had it. It skips a generation now and then so mom didn’t inherit it. Neither did Amber. But…I did. Lucky me, I guess? And then… Nana disappeared. She had moved on. Her unfinished business was to tell me the truth. I just never gave her the chance until then.”

Meanwhile, the ghost girl, Emily… she was devastated that she had lost her only friend. She had tried to apologize but T.J. never really forgave her, especially when Amber started getting nightmares.

She never blamed him for what happened. But, T.J. did. That was why he resolved to protect his sister as much as he could.

Letting out a staggered breath, he tried holding back tears. “Sorry… that was a lot to dump on you.” He let out a humorless laugh. “But… you’re right… it kind of made me feel better.” He smiled, lightly. “Thanks.”

Cyrus returned the smile. “You’re welcome,” he replied.

Silence fell over them.

T.J. drummed his fingers against his knee. Amber didn’t want to be reminded of what happened so they pretended it never did. He thought he was over it. Maybe he truly wasn’t. 

But, the heaviness in his chest had lifted a little. It felt good talking about it, a release he never knew he needed.

Cyrus’ hands were clasped together on his lap, biting his lip. He seemed to be contemplating something.

“Um…I just walk around town, visiting places I used to frequent. Sometimes, I go see my parents. They moved somewhere else but they’re still in town. I guess the house, this house and the other one, reminded them too much of me. I’m their only son, you see. So...my loss must have been too much for them.”

T.J. stared.

Cyrus shrugged. “You asked me earlier where I go when I’m not here. I figured since you shared something with me, I could share something with you. So, I guess we’re both a little less mysterious now. Too bad, I was going to look out the window and look distant.”

Laughter exploded out of T.J.’s mouth – a genuine laugh, this time. He felt lighter, somehow. Maybe Cyrus wasn’t a ghost. Maybe he was a magician or a wizard or something. 

How did he manage to relieve T.J. of his burden for the last eight or so years of his life with just a few words?

Cyrus flashed him a weirded out look, his fuzzy eyebrows scrunched.

He looked like a cute puppy.

Clearing his throat, T.J. scooted a few inches away from Cyrus.

“So, I have a plan for your friends.”

The sudden change in subject appeared to confuse the ghost but he went along with it.

“I’m listening.”

“So, tomorrow is basketball tryouts, right? Well, turns out both the boys and girls teams are doing it together. And Buffy told me she was trying out. So, I asked Andi to come and watch. They are likely to run into each other and since they don’t know that I know the other, I’m bound to try and ‘introduce’ them, only for them to tell me they already know each other and then they’ll start talking again.”

Cyrus looked impressed. “Your plan is so simple yet it could actually work.”

T.J. beamed. “Right? I’m a genius!”

The other boy chuckled. “Thank you, T.J. You didn’t have to do this for me and yet you are. I’ll forever be in your debt.”

Feeling his cheeks redden, T.J. just waved a hand in dismissal. “It’s no big deal. This is nothing compared to what I’ve done for other ghosts. You just want your friends to get along again.”

“Yeah. They’re just… really important to me. And I don’t want to move on without them getting along again.”

Cyrus’ demeanor deflated a little. T.J. noticed that it happened often when they spoke about his friends. But, if they are Cyrus’ unfinished business, then there was no avoiding talking about it.

He really loved his friends. And based on Andi’s sadness when something seemed to remind her of Cyrus, it appeared that they must have loved him a lot, too.

And, then, T.J. wondered what it was like when Cyrus was alive. After getting to know him, T.J. knew that he was the type of person who didn’t deserve to die. He deserved to live and spread love and joy everywhere he went.

What if T.J.’s family had moved just a year earlier? What if he had met Cyrus and became his friend? What if he could have somehow helped prevent him from dying?

The last thought was a little far-fetched. He didn’t even know how Cyrus died. He wouldn’t tell T.J.

There were just some things in this world that could not be controlled, no matter how much you want to.

Still, T.J. couldn’t help but wonder.

“Do you ever think about…” he began.

He met Cyrus’ questioning eyes.

“You know…” he continued. He coughed a little and cleared his throat. “If you were alive, right now, do you think… we could have been friends, too?”

“Of course!” Cyrus beamed. “No doubt about it! I mean…” He chewed on his bottom lip, looking shy all of a sudden. “We’re friends now, right?”

Sparkling brown eyes peeked worriedly at him from under long lashes.

T.J.’s heart suddenly picked up pace as his throat went dry and his palms got all sweaty.

“Yeah… We’re friends,” he managed, his lips twitching.

Cyrus breathed in relief.

Getting to his feet, T.J. stretched. “So… do you wanna watch a movie or something? I have Netflix.”

“Don’t you have to finish your homework?”

He walked over to his desk where he left his laptop. “I can do it later.”

“T.J.” Cyrus’ tone was scolding.

“Cyrus,” T.J. retorted, teasingly.

The ghost boy looked torn, chewing on his lip as he looked from T.J.’s abandoned books and notebooks on the bed to the laptop and then back to the stuff on the bed.

“I promise to do it tonight. I’ll even let you check my answers, if you want.”

That seemed to set Cyrus’ mind. “Okay.”

Grinning that he got his way, T.J. picked up his laptop and went back to his bed. He settled against the headboard, pushing books, notebooks, and pens aside. He patted the space next to him and Cyrus disappeared and reappeared next to him (he was prepared this time so he didn’t even flinch).

He opened up Netflix and scrolled through the choices. “What do you want to watch?”

“Anything is fine. You pick.”

T.J. was in the mood for seeing animated and fun so he chose “Big Hero 6”. For the hour and a half or so, they were silent as they concentrated on the movie. Cyrus did cry a bit loudly at the beginning during the school fire scene (T.J. had wrapped an arm around him and rubbed his shoulder until the scene passed), but otherwise, neither of them spoke a word.

It was nice.

Back in San Francisco, T.J. never got to have a movie night with his friends. If you could even call them friends, that is. They were just people he hung out with at school but never really had a deep friendship with. He mostly stuck with Amber (to his sister’s chagrin) or spent his free time by himself. A few ghosts have tried to befriend him but, usually, they had ulterior motives.

After dinner, he fulfilled his promise to Cyrus by sitting at his desk and doing his homework.

The ghost entertained himself by playing with T.J.’s little plastic basketball, attempting to shoot at the net on the door from various angles. 

It was adorable, really. And, kind of distracting.

“Need help with that?” T.J. asked, amused as the plastic ball bounced off the edge for the tenth time.

“No, I got this,” Cyrus replied, stubbornly. “You finish your homework.”

T.J. chuckled. “Yes, mom.”

The ghost childishly stuck his tongue out at him before returning to his little game.

T.J. turned his attention back on his homework.

The rest of the night was peaceful.

It was nice.

…………

T.J. was among ten other boys trying out for the boys’ basketball team. 

As he warmed up with a few dribbles, he kept his gaze on the girls gathered on the opposite side of the gym, trying to spot a familiar head of curls.

“T.J.!”

His head spun around at the call. 

Andi and Libby were standing by the bleachers, waving at him, both sporting matching grins. T.J. waved back and watched as the two girls made their way up to find seats. He went back to dribbling, still keeping his eye out for Buffy.

He didn’t have to wait long. The doors to the locker room opened and out she came, head held high with confidence. Beside her was a brunette boy, talking as he nudged her shoulder. Laughing, she nudged back at him.

T.J. watched fascinated as the two appeared to banter back and forth before they split – the boy heading towards the boys’ side and Buffy for the girls’.

The blonde looked up at the bleachers again to see if Andi had noticed Buffy. The pixie-haired girl was distractedly conversing with Libby.

Good. He could make this work, somehow. He just had to figure out how to get them to talk to each other.

A whistle blew and he pulled his attention away from the two girls. The coaches were calling everyone over.

It was showtime.

[artisticestheticreads]

Summertime Magic VII.

A/N: IT’S N’JADAKA DAY. In this chapter, Y/N and Daka discuss their past during a nice dinner at her place and her dad invites him to the annual family reunion on her mother’s side. Does he have what it takes to get on pop’s good side? 

WARNING: none...well, alcohol, drugs, and some tear jerkers here and super short. SAWWY. ):

SONG RECOMMENDATION: Hold Me By The Heart by Kehlani

 Y/N woke up back home and her hair freshly washed. She grew tired of her locs and decided to make it a wash day. She walked around with her hair wrapped in a red towel and a big t-shirt on in the kitchen. She had a taste for some seafood soul food so she decided to make some seafood mac and cheese with a sweet potato pie for dessert. As the dinner began baking, she went into the bedroom to detangle her hair and put some creams in to make her curls pop. Afterward, she put her hair in a high ponytail like a pineapple style before washing her hands and heading back to the kitchen.

  She looked over at her phone on the coffee table and got an idea; she began typing at her keyboard. Thirty minutes later, she heard a knock on the door and when she opened it, she saw N’Jadaka. He wore a burgundy v-neck with jeans and his Timbs. He had his dreads tossed to the side and his chain on like usual. She watched him walk to the kitchen with his hands behind his back. She turned back to the food as he wrapped his arms around her waist. “Hey, baby,” she said when he kissed her cheek. “What up girl? I see you let your real hair out and all. Damn, you got a lot of hair.” She giggled until she heard she heard the timer. 

   N’Jakada walked up to Y/N and kissed her cheek, wrapping his left arm around her shoulders. “Daka, I’m tryna cook, baby”, he held her close and kissed her temple. “Don’t be denying my love, woman. You better take my love and better like it.” He started to kiss on her as she giggled and shooed him away. “So, Daka. Since you in here being all lovey-dovey, then you can help me with the cornbread.” He raised his brow and nodded. He started to help with dinner and she tricked him into making iced tea as well. 

  Soon, dinner was ready and everyone made their plates. They sat in comfortable silence until her phone vibrated. She looked to the screen and let it ring but after that, a message popped up. When Y/N rolled her eyes, N’Jadaka asked if she was okay. “I’m fine.” He lifted her chin up to look at her. “Who is it”, he asked with a stern look. She felt looked to the side then to his eyes. “Rodney.” He let her chin go. “Baby Girl, wanna talk about it?” She shook her head and he kissed her neck. “We gonna have to talk about it soon it or later, Y/N.”

“Fine. Rodney cheated on me..badly. We had our own place together and were together for years. I was at Leslie’s house doing hair and when I went home...he was fucking another woman. He, he didn’t hear me come in either so he kept going at it. I was frozen. I couldn’t move. My heart told me to run and hide but my feet wouldn’t let me. I’m not sure why I just stood there but when he turned, all he could do was ask ‘why I was home so early’? He never said sorry, nothing. I sent my younger brother, CJ, and Monte to come to pack my stuff while I stayed with my parents for a while. I tried taking my own life and all. I was on suicide watch, couldn’t eat or sleep like I wanted. I just don’t wanna let that happen again.” 

  He looked over at her and saw a single tear falling down her cheek. He wiped it away before he brought her closer. “Baby Girl, I would never do that shit. You mean a lot to me, and I mean that shit. I know it feels to be hurt, trust me. I lost my folks at a young age, had to go back to Wakanda with my family. Since I was a kid from Oakland, no one wanted to be around me. Then, when I graduated from high school out there, I moved out for college and met a girl. She made me feel like I had someone in my corner but I guess I couldn’t give her what she wanted. I was with her until I went off into the Navy and she said she wait for me but when I come back..” He stopped to clear his throat before continuing. “When I came back, she was six months pregnant. I knew for damn sure, it wasn’t mine. She had fucked a dude from my old basketball team, I was gonna kill him but I couldn’t. I felt like it was all my fault. Like I wasn’t good enough. Until I met you.”

  They looked at one another with small smirks before he said “you ain’t gotta worry about me, princess. When I say something, I really do mean it. Aight”? Y/N nodded and kissed his cheek as he held on to her. “I got you, baby and you got me. No matter what. Now, I’m ready for that pie and I hope you got some ice cream, too.”

“Ya know it.”

~ 

   The next day, Y/N was at the bank putting more money in the bank as one of her daily errands. She decided to go to her future shop for a while. She stepped out her car in a pair of jean shorts, white tank top, and slides that her man bought her. She used her hands to cup her eyes from the sun to look inside for a better look. She had five more clients that week which meant she would be able to get her shop in less than a week. Afterward, Baby Girl decided to drive to her folks' house which was thirty minutes away from the shop. She knocked on the door and patiently waited until a tall 6′2 young man with a faded style hair cut came to the door. He wore a black polo and jeans with tube socks on. “Hey, little sis.”

“CJ, I’m the oldest remember?”

“Yeah, but you the shortest too.” Y/N hit his arm and he hit her back softly. “Ima hurt you”, she said before he gave her a huge bear hug. “Where ma and pa”, she asked as they headed to the kitchen. There stood an older woman who looked like she worked out on her downtime but still a plumpy woman. Her hair was in a low bun and glasses sat her face. “Hey, ma.” The woman turned around and smiled big. “There’s my best friend. My baby is here”, she said walking up to her with open arms. Y/N looked at her mother’s outfit and said “ya think ya grown, huh”; she wore a pair of leggings and a white crop tee with their last name on the back. 

  “Girl, hush. I just slipped in this. We had just got back from the gym and I took a quick shower before I started to clean.” Y/N looked around and asked “Ma, where pa at?” Her mother pointed to the back door and said “where ya think? Him and that damn Lincoln again.” Y/N laughed, kissed her mom’s cheek and made her way to the back. She opened the door to see her father in the car, vacuuming the ground. He was a bigger man but he didn’t let that stop him from working hard for his family. His bald head shined like he had just shaved and his beard had touches of grey. He wore a pair of navy blue slides that Y/N gifted him years ago, basketball shorts and a basic tee. “Hey, pa.” He looked up and said, “Hey, baby”. He struggled to get up but she hurried to him before sitting him back down. “I see you cleaning, Doll again.” He patted the dashboard and said “yeah, got make sure she looks good at all times, baby girl. What made you stop by?”

“I went by to my future shop and I was just out running errands.” She placed her hands in her back pockets watching her dad clean. “How you doing, pa?” He cleared his throat and told her “fine” but not looking at her. “Pa, look at me.” He did with him leaning on his elbows. “I’m will be fine. I got some weight to lose and some more money to get but I hope the surgery will make everything better. I won’t be hurt anymore.” She nodded looking around. She thought about how her father was everything she looked up to. No matter if he was feeling down or fighting the stomach flu, he got his ass up out of bed and got to work to provide for his family. She hated seeing him like this, always have and always will.

  “So, baby girl. When am I gonna meet this nappy head muthafucka you thinking about”, her dad asked and she looked to him with a smile. “I was thinking about you, dad.” She sat on the back steps and he said “yeah yeah. I wanna meet this little nigga. Got you all googly eye and shit. Wanna make sure this little punk ain’t gonna hurt my baby’s heart.”

“Dad, I’m not gonna get hurt again. Promise”

“Mhm, well bring him to the family reunion. Ya uncles, grandma, and every other muthafucka gonna be there.” She rolled her eyes with a smile and laughed. “Okay, but let’s make a bet. If you like him, you gotta make me a whole strawberry cheesecake and if you win, I will make you your own pan of my homemade chocolate cake.”

“Deal.”

  It was the day of the reunion and N’Jadaka was on his way to Y/N’s house since he was spending the night. He grabbed his gym bag, knocked on the door and she opened it with a smile. “Hey, come on. I’m still getting ready.” He stepped in and followed her to the bedroom. They decided to wear jean bottoms with dashiki print tops and some Nikes they bought a couple days ago. She let put her hair in a low ponytail, grabbed everything she needed including the food and drinks they were bringing and were off. In the car, she told him “N’Jadaka, I should let ya know that my family is a little protective. They might give you a hard time but they are all really sweet once they get to know you.” N’Jadaka took her hand as they pulled up to the huge park as Rocky Steady by The Whisperers. “I’ll be fine. I’m a big boy.” He opened her door as a tall guy walked up to them. He wore a Laker Jersey, jeans and some Airforce ones. “There go my big legs”, he yelled out with a chuckle and she turned in excitement. “UNCLE ANDREW”, she hopped in his arms and he knelt down to hug her. “Lord Jesus, I haven’t seen ya in a while. Lookin’ just like ya mom every damn day. How you been?”

“I’m good. How is Vegas?”

“Ugh, baby girl. It’s great. They know how to treat a brotha out there.” She laughed with him and turned to N’Jadaka. “Unc, this is N’Jadaka. My boyfriend.” Andrew held out his hand and shook his as he pointed to him. “The Navy vet?”

“That’s right, sir.” Andrew nodded and patted N’Jadaka’s shoulder. “Good, good. I was actually apart of the US Army back in the 80′s. It’s good to meet ya son.” Uncle Andrew got all the stuff out for them and when they walked to their section, he saw the huge family that Y/N called her own. N’Jadaka looked around to see a group of men playing cards at the park table, hooping and hollering. Little kids ran all over the place with water guns and balloons, and some woman sat at the park benches talking and gossiping. A woman with curly long hair and tan skin walked pass Y/N and can notice that sweet, natural smell anywhere.

“Y/N!”

“Lana”, Y/N said in an excited tone and her cousin ran in her arms. When they separated, Lana saw N’Jadaka and smiled big. “Are you the new man in Y/N’s life?” He nodded with his hand out and said: “nice to meet ya.” She looked at his hand said “I don’t do handshakes. I do hugs.” She gave him a big bear hug and he chuckled. “Daka, this is Lana. Lana lives in Michigan, married and her twin boys are over there playing.” Lana smiled and said “yeah, I missed you so much, cuz. Michigan is okay but it’s not like LA at all. When it’s cold out there, it’s cold as fuck. I’m just glad to be here for at least a week.” Andrew kissed his daughter’s head as they all began walking. Y/N’s dad had a cigar in his mouth with cards in hand with her uncles, Michael, Chad, Winston, Donnie, Richard, and Anthony. Her mom was on the park bench with the women of the family including her grandma and when the women looked over to them, an aunt said “sweet black baby Jesus. Is THAT the man baby girl is dating?” Tasha looked and said “my baby is here and yes, Chanel. Don’t be a perv or Ima cut you.”

“You wouldn’t cut ya own sister.”

“I would for my babies, I will.” Their mother laughed a little as Tasha whistled for Y/N; Y/N saw them and smiled big. “C’ mon, you can meet the Glass Ladies. But real quick, be careful with my aunt, Chanel. Her hands like to wander, my aunt Kendra is a sweetheart and my grandma can be a little bit pushy but she means well.”

“Which one is ya mom?”

“The one in the sundress.”

“That’s ya momma. Thought that was ya sister?”

“Ha, very cute.” They finally were closer to the group when her mom ran to her for a hug. “My baby. How was the drive”, she asked and Y/N said “good. Everyone, this is N’Jadaka. My boyfriend.” Tasha stood back and looked up at him. “Damn, another tall one. Got me feelin’ all short and whatnot.” N’Jadaka chuckled and said, “it’s nice to meet you Mrs. Y/L/N.”

“Boy, call me, Tasha. So, N’Jadaka what do you do?”

“Well, I’m a Navy Vet but I’ll be helping with my family business. We kinda got a lot of money so we opening a few youth centers. I’ll be in charge of the ones out here.” She stood back and said “well, check this out. A brotha helping out the community. The Marathon Does Continue.” He agreed with her as they kept talking and the men heard them laugh. Chad looked up from his deck and said “hm, that must be the young buck.” The men look up with raised brows and her dad took out his cigar. “Mhm, there he goes. Lemme call them over. Y/NNNNNNNNNN.” Y/N turned to him and the guys and he pointed at Daka. She was about to walk over but her dad stopped her with “JUST HIM”. She looked to him and said “don’t get killed. My dad is the hardest one.”

“Baby, I’ll be fine. Ya pops gonna fuck with me at the end of the day.” He kissed her forehead as she went back to the ladies. He stuck his chest out slightly with his hands in pockets. When he got there, the men all looked to him. “What up, cat”, her dad, Thomas said. “I’m good, sir.”

“Have a seat. Join us and grab a drink.”

“I’m good on the drink. I drove but I can still sit.” He sat across the way from Thomas as they handed out the new cards. The men started putting out their small bets and looked to Daka in shock when he said “$20″. Thomas took out his cigar and said “bold but do you know how to play Spades.” N’Jadaka insured him that he can; they began. “So, young brotha. I hear a lot about you. You really from Africa?” N’Jadaka looked at his cards still as he spoke. “I was born in Oakland but my unc took me in when my pops passed.” Thomas looked up to him and realized he had something in common with N’Jadaka. He was also taken in by family when his parent’s passed away. “I see. How you meet my daughter?”

“We were at the liquor store. I was picking up stuff for my homeboy’s crib and I saw her. Some dude was tryna push on her but I had to stop that dude. He was trying get at her and put his hands on her.” The men all looked up at him and Thomas said: “what you mean?”

“Well, Mr. Y/L/N, the dude was trynna get at her, she said nah and before ya know it, he grabbed her arm.”

“And what did you do?”

“Anything a man would do. I got in the middle of it. I could have broken his nose, easily but I wasn’t feelin’ it. Wouldn’t be a good look for any of us. So, I pretended we was a couple. The brotha fleed the scene. Y/N and I talked and that’s how it happened.” The men looked to them and saw Thomas with a start face as the continued. “Look, young man. Ima let you know now. I don’t fuckin’ play when it comes to my family especially with my baby over dere. Ya understand? Ever since she was little, I have always made sure she was good. She, my whole family is my responsibility. So, when a nigga comes into her life. I get a little protective, a little violent if anything happens to her. I take that you heard of Rodney.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, Rodney hurt her badly to the point she wouldn't eat. Couldn’t sleep at night. When my baby girl gets hurt, that’s when I want war. Y/N is my first AND only girl. She is my baby. You got any kids, son?”

“No, sir but I got a baby cousin I always watched over.”

“Then you kinda know then. As a man, we gotta protect who we love. By any means necessary.” He sipped his beer and looked back his cards; N’Jadaka had something to say. “Mr. Y/L/N, I know how you feel but I also know that things happen for a reason. Rodney was a pussy for what he did but maybe it happened because he couldn’t handle her. Y/N got a big ass heart and she smart as hell too. She got ambition, talent and her being beautiful is just a plus. Y/N got a lot of drive, something that 80 % of women ain’t got. Rodney couldn’t handle a strong, black woman but I damn sure can. I care about her way too much to even think about steppin’ out on her. I would be a dumb ass to do that. ith her, I can see so much more. I am very proud of her for being the woman she is now. I’m not tryna kiss up or anything but you did a great job, Mr. Y/L/N. Real talk.”

  Thomas looked up to him then at the others. He nodded and looked back to his cards; still no expression. After they all ate, the kids ran up to N’Jadaka to play with them as Y/N watched. She noticed how well he was with the kids and it warmed her heart so much. She can just imagine how he would be as a father.  At the end of day, they popped fireworks and said their goodbyes. When they got back to Y/N’s place and wore something to sleep in. “So, did ya pops talk to you about us?” She spat out her toothpaste and turned off her bathroom light. “Nope, we talking about my shop, his surgery and all. But nothing about you.”

“Yeah, I ain’t sure if he like me or not. In all my days in the navy, I can’t read him.”

“Baby, no one but my mother can. Don’t worry. He’ll warm up to you eventually.” They kissed a little before laying down and talking some more, falling asleep. All of a sudden, Y/N’s phone vibrate against the end table.

IOU a whole cheesecake, Y/N. Goodnight. 

*𝒯𝒜𝒢𝒢𝐸𝒟 𝐿𝒪𝒱𝐸𝒮*

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[artificialqueens]

Your life is gonna change me (Biadore) Chapter 10 - AbbiNeedless

The smell of fresh pancakes woke Adore up, she could feel Bianca’s hand covering her belly, she put it aside carefully trying not to wake her up and went to the kitchen. She was welcomed by the view of her father in law cooking for them with Valentina.

“Where did you say the maple syrup was?” “Right there next to the peanut butter.” Valentina saw Adore on the door. “Hi.” “Oh, hi, Adore.” Dante said, he was still on his pajamas. “We made you breakfast.” “That’s sweet from you.” “Where’s Bianca?” “Right here, dad.” She said with her morning voice, her hair looked messy and her face was make-up free, Bianca felt Adore’s eyes on her. “What?” “I’m admiring the beautiful and gorgeous Goddess I have as my wife.” “And you said I was corny.” Bianca gave her peck on her lips and got into her knees to her belly’s height. “And how are my babies? Did you sleep well?” She kissed her belly. “These two may be still sleeping.” “Probably.”

All of them sat on the table and had breakfast together, they talked about Bianca’s work and how excited they were about the fashion week.

“Are you telling me that besides watching your work on TV I’m gonna be able to see my granddaughter modeling them?” “Yes, it’s Valentina’s first big runway, hope she doesn’t fuck it up.” Bianca said and looked at her niece. “I won’t!” “I hope so.” “In that case I want to buy you two a gift.” Dante said. “To celebrate your success.” “Oh, abuelo, you don’t have to.” “But I want to.” He looked at his daughter. “I want to go to a big store to look for your gifts.” “We can go now if you want.” “Mi niña, wanna come to choose it?” “No, I want you to choose it for me, I want it to be a surprise.” “Ok, well, let’s go, Bea.”

—-

An hour later they were ready to leave, Dante was outside waiting for Bianca.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” Bianca asked her wife. “I am sure besides Sasha said I have to rest so I’ll use this time to work on my music, I haven’t finished those songs and I want to send them to my producer before these two arrive.” “Ok, do you want me to bring you something?” “Bring me some hot Cheetos and a pistachio ice cream.” “Hot Cheetos and pistachio ice cream, got it.” She leaned and kissed her wife. “We’ll be back later.” “Take your time, my love.”

Bianca smiled to her and joined her father on the car, she started the machine and drove away.

—-

“So, let’s see… A million stars light up the night, the constellations give me life and heaven’s boulevard it’s shinin'… I’m givin’ in, and… Let it go. Yeah, that sounds nice.”

She wrote it down on her notebook, it would sound nice when she finished recording it, she was sure.

“The constellations fill my soul, our hearts beats are on zero gravity. What do you think, guys? Do you like it?”

Every time Adore sang she could feel her babies moving inside of her stomach, it never matter what song Adore chose to sing, they were always moving when she sang and she enjoyed every moment of it, it was like they were dancing inside of her stomach.

“So this one is finished and now… I wrote this one a few years ago but never finished it, let’s see what you think about it… You know how they say I only have eyes for you, well you better be looking back at me babe, said you better be looking back at me babe. This one was about mama a long time ago, do you think I should finish it?”

She felt nothing.

“I think that means no.”

She kept writing for a couple hours, when she was finishing typing on her computer the lyrics for her last song she heard steps behind her.

“Valentina, where do you think are you going? Did you finish your essay?” “Nina’s, we have a project together and yes, I sent it to Mrs. Zamo by e-mail.” “You know I can ask her tomorrow in Aria’s party, right?” “I do.” “Oh, ok… Wait, a dance student has a project with an art’s student? Those are different majors, you know?” She put the laptop on the coffee table and looked at her niece. “I’m going to help her with her project, she needs a model to paint on her canvas.” “Hmm…” “What?” “Nothing, come back before dinner.” “I will, see you!”

—-

Valentina put on a jacket and ran to the avenue, she found Nina was already there.

“This better be true.” “I’ve never lied to you.” Nina handed her a helmet, Valentina put it on and sat behind her on the motorcycle, Nina started the machine and drove away, they drove for some minutes that felt like hours for her until they stopped at Wendy’s in Ventura Boulevard. “Nina, what are we doing in here? If you wanted a burger we could have gone to Mary’s…” “Val, we’re not here to eat a burger, look at your left.” “What do I have to see?” “The hotel, she made a reservation there.” “But are you sure it was her? My grandmother?” “Your aunt’s voice and your grandma’s are really similar, you know? I was there working with my mom when she called to book a room.” “Fuck.” “Yeah, I thought the same.” She took a cigarette out of her leather jacket and lighted it. “Want one?” “No, I’m good.” She said and kept looking at the building, was her grandma really coming here? Did she had the nerve to come her after everything she had done to them? “Don’t think too much, Val, I almost can see the smoke coming out of your ears.” “Girl, you don’t have an idea of how many problems that woman can cause, she is like… Like a Pandora box, she holds a lot of evil in herself.” “You’re being dramatic.” She took a long drag of her cigarette. “When I talked with her she seemed nice.” “What? Did you talk with her?” “Bitch, I work there, I was the person that answered the call.” She exhaled the smoke from her lungs. “And? Did she ask you anything else?” “She just asked me if I knew where Karma Studios was.” “And?” “I told her that I wasn’t sure where it is, I wanted to ask you first if it was ok for me to tell her.” “Oh…”

Valentina looked over at the hotel again, Nina could almost see how her mind was working, when Valentina overthought she tended to get really quiet and had a lost look in her eyes.

“So?” “Don’t tell her, she doesn’t need to know.”

—-

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Nina took the helmet from Valentina’s hands. “Yeah…” “Hey… Don’t think about her too much, everything will be ok.” “I want to believe that.” “Trust me, I have the feeling it’s going to be ok.” “Aja is the santera, not you.” “Who says black people can’t be witches too, bitch?” Valentina laughed. “Are you going to tell your aunt?” “… No.” “Well, that’s your decision.” She put the helmet on. “See ya tomorrow, bitch.”

Valentina waited until Nina was gone to walk to her house, she was worried, she thought that her grandpa was the only one coming, not her.

She saw that her aunt’s car was already there, Valentina hurried to the house and opened the door.

“I’m home!” “Val, com here, look at what they found on a store.”

Valentina walked to the dining room and found her family using pacifiers and baby hats.

“Ok, what is going on?” “Bianca bought Aria’s birthday gift.” Adore said and pointed to a pink big box. “What is it?” Valentina asked and sat with her grandfather. “A musical table, I’m sure Aria is gonna love it.” Bianca said and put a white bow on the box. “And I’m sure Ernie and Salina are gonna hate it.” “I don’t care, I like to watch the world burn.” “Then I know what to give my grandchildren on their one year birthday.” “… Fuck.” “And for Bianca I bought her a bracelet.” She looked at her aunt’s wrist, the bracelet was black and shiny, totally Bianca’s style. “And for my niña bella.”He handed Valentina a bouquet of red roses and a yellow bag. “Oh my God, grandpa, these are so beautiful!” “And you haven’t seen the best, come on, open it.”

She opened the bag and inside she found a black box, she opened the box and found a pair of golden earrings with little red roses on them. She was amazed, the earrings were really beautiful, all she could do was look at them. “Close your mouth, Val, you’re gonna catch flies.” Adore tossed her wife’s hand. “Bea, shut up!” “Did you like them?” Dante sat with her and passed an arm around her shoulders. “I love them, thank you, abuelo, thank you so much.” Her grandpa kissed her forehead and gave her another hug. “Ok, after all this love and hugs I need you to help us to organize this baby shower stuff.” Bianca said. “We need to get this done before Aria’s birthday party, come on.”

—-

“Adore!” “Good morning to you too, mom.” Adore yawned as she got up from her bed with her phone next to her ear, Bianca’s spot was empty, she looked at her vanity and found a little note.

Adore, you forgot to charge your phone so I put to charge with my charger. Raja called me, there’s a problem in the studio so I have to go and fix that before we go to NY, I will be at your mom’s at 4:30, promise.

“I just wanted to make sure you were already awake or did I wake you?” “You woke me up and ruined my dream.” She put the note on the vanity and lay back on the bed. “I was dreaming I lived in a world made of chocolate, there was a river of chocolate milk and I could swim on it.” “What?” “It was amazing.” “Baby, don’t eat too much before going to bed, it can cause you weird dreams.” Bonnie said with a laugh. “It was a good dream.” “Anyways, how are you feeling? How are my grandbabies?” “They’re good, they’ve been moving a lot lately and I have a lot of colic.” “That’s weird, are there a lot of colic? Like a lot, lot?” “Not like all day long but sometimes during the day.” “You have to go to your doctor, Adore that can be risky.” “Nah, I don’t think it has something to do with them, I’ve been eating dairy food and Sasha told me to not eat it ‘cause it may cause gases and other shits like that.” “And why you didn’t listen to her, Adore?” “Because I love to eat ice cream and quesadillas.” “If I were there I would kick your ass!” “That’s why I don’t live with you anymore.” “What!? You break my heart, you retarded!” “I love you, mom.”

Adore kept talking with her mom for an hour, her mom asked her to bring some food and snacks for the party.

“Ok, mom, gotta go.” “I wanna see all of you here at four o’clock, your heard me? Four o’clock.” “Yes, mooom.” “I want to meet Bianca’s father, how is he? Is he grumpy as her or is he joyful?” “He is really kind and sweet, he is being the best of grandfathers to Val and father to Bea in the days he had been here.” “In the days he’s been there… But what about the past years? Why did he kicked Bianca out?” “He didn’t, mom, her mom was the one who did that.” “Oh… What about her mother? Is she there too?” “No, she didn’t come.” “Wait, she didn’t come to meet you and her grandbabies?” “Nope but Bianca said that she was not surprised to see she didn’t come.” “That’s fucked up.” “I know… Mom, I’m serious, I gotta go to buy something to eat for Aria’s party.” “You’re not gonna cook?” “Mom, I don’t fucking know how to cook, you know it. Bye!”

She hung up and put a pair of jeans on, while she did her make-up she heard her door cracking open and smelled the familiar roses scent.

“Yes, Val?” “Hey, amm… Where’s my tia?” “She had to go to the studio, some problems with the costumes I guess. Is something wrong?” “No… Not at all, I just wanted to… To ask her something.” Valentina said, Adore noticed how nervous the girl seemed, she was biting her bottom lip, she always did that when she was nevous. “Sure everything is ok?” “Yeah, I am… I’m going for a walk.” “Don’t be too late, Aria’s birthday is gonna start at four.” “Ok, see you later!”

She saw her niece rushing out of her room, something was wrong but it may be something to do with Violet, she was the only person who managed to make her feel like this and after what happened a few days ago she wouldn’t be surprised if she wanted an advice from Bianca to mend the things. She put her hair in a bun and took her car’s keys, Adore walked to her car and opened the door. Before she got in she saw a lady walking to her house.

“Ma’am! Do you need something?” She asked her from where she was standing, the woman walked to her. “Yes, I do. Is this Bianca del Rio’s address?” She handed her a post-it with their address written in perfect calligraphy. “Yeah, it is. Excuse my question but…” Adore looked at her and gasped, her gray eyes were so familiar and also the lunar she had under her right eye. “Do I know you?” “You don’t but you know my daughter and granddaughter.” She offered her her hand. “Adelaida del Rio, so good to finally meet my daughter’s partner.”

—-

Raja was waiting for Bianca on the main entrance.

“Raja, what happened?” “Your mom, she came here to ask for you.” “What? Are you sure it was my mom?” “Tempest is sure.” “And what happened with her?” “I wasn’t here when she came, the only ones who were on the studio were Tempest and Tyra and it seems that Tyra gave her your address.” “Oh no… Adore and my dad are there, that’s not gonna end well.”

Bianca ran back to her car and drove to her house exceeding the speed limit, she didn’t care, she needed to get there before she did.

—-

Val: Nina, where are u? Nina: I couldn’t get out of my job but I need to tell you that your grandma arrived before her booking date, she is already here Val: WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE IS HERE? Nina: She is LA and she left the hotel like an hour ago Nina: bitch, you might have to see her again today

—-

Valentina and Bianca arrived to the house almost at the same time. “Where were you, Vale?” “Where were you?” “… It doesn’t matter, get out of my way.” She pulled out her keys and struggled to put the key in the door and finally open it, both of them rushed into the house and were shocked at the scene they found, Adore and Dante were sitting with Adelaida drinking a coffee and talking, they looked at them and her mom got up from her chair.

“Vale, Bianca, so good to see you, my precious girls.”

Valentina hold her breath, her voice was the same from four years ago. She looked at her, her grandmother looked as she remembered; clothes were impeccable, her hair, now almost completely gray, was in a tight bun. When she looked into her eyes there was something different, she couldn’t tell what it was but there was something else in her look.

“Adelaida.” “Don’t be disrespectful, young lady, I am your grandma.” “Guys.” Adore called her. “Come sit with us.”

Bianca sat next to Adore and Valentina sat between her and Dante, she couldn’t stop looking at her grandmother, she still had her serious poise, Valentina would never admit it but she was scared just to see her sitting in front of her.

“I’m happy to see you, girls.”

Adelaida got any response from them.

“Girls?” “I’m sorry if we are not responding you but we are really surprised to see you here.” Bianca said, her voice was relax but her hands were shaking with nerves, Adore took her hand under the table, reassuring her. “How did you get our address?” Valentina asked her. “Not even a hi to your granny?” “I asked you how you got our address.” Valentina repeated, Adelaida was shocked but not surprised, she opened her purse and took the post it out. “I went to the studio where you’re working, a dark skinned woman gave it to me.” “Raja? Why would she-“ “No, Val, it was Tyra.” Bianca said. “That bitch…” Valentina whispered to herself. “I wanted to come and see you, bebé.” Her grandma said. “Don’t call me bebé.” Valentina said with a harsh voice. “Why now? Why after kicking us out you come here like nothing happened?” “Vale…” Dante took her hand but she tossed him away. “No, abuelo, I want to know why is she here again after all she did to us.”

Adelaida looked uncomfortable, she took another pieces of paper from her purse and put them on the table.

“I want to mend my mistakes.” “Sure.” “I am serious, Val, I want to fix all things that I ruined.” “…” “Look at the pictures, Val, what do you see?”

She looked at what she was pointing. “Photos of us.” “And?” “What?” “You all are the reason I am here.” “Don’t give me this bullshit, I cannot believe you are here because of us!” “Valentina.” Adore took her hand. “You need to chill, come with me.”

Adore and Dante took Valentina to their backyard, Adore looked at her wife.

“You’ll be ok.” She whispered and closed the door.

“Well, that didn’t come out the way I planned.” “And what did you expect, mom?” Bianca asked her. “The memory of you kicking her out is still fresh, you hurt her as you hurt me.” “Bianca…” “Don’t even try to tell me that I have to understand you because I don’t.” “Bianca, please listen to me.” “Ok, I’ll listen, spill it.” Adelaida took a long breath, she looked back at her daughter. “There’s a lot that I don’t understand, I was raised in a different way and for me all of these woman to woman and man to man relationships are unnatural.” “That’s all I needed to hear.” She got up from the table. “No, no, no, I didn’t mean that.” She took her daughter’s arm. “Bianca, please.” “Mom, you came to my house without warning and just insult my relationship with my wife, I don’t allow that to no one, no one.” “Bea…” “Don’t call me Bea, only my loved ones call me that.”

Adelaida pressed her lips.

“Bianca, give a chance, please.”

She sighed and sat again.

“Bianca, this is not normal for me because of the way I was raised. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.” “Mom… You raised me the same way, you made me believe that God loved me, that Jesus died to provide forgiveness for all of our sins and that I had guaranteed my place in Heaven. After I told you everything changed, you did an immediate 180, and the last thing you told me was that I was an abomination, and that my place in Hell was guaranteed.” “…” “And you told the same to Valentina.” “…” “I was a 30 years old woman, I had been lonely my entire life and as contradictory this may sound I prayed to God that I would met the woman for me some day and when I was losing hope I met Adore, she was 21 and full of life, she always had a big smile on her face and would make me feel happy and… Whole. I have never felt that way in my entire life, never and I almost lost it because of the fear…” She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. “The fear of being rejected again even though she never treated me wrong I was pushing her out of my life and until she was gone I realized I had made a mistake.” “You loved her.” Adelaida said, she took a tissue from her purse and cleaned her tears. “I still love her and nothing and no one is going to change that.” “I know that now.” She got up and took her purse. “I think… I think I have to go, I didn’t want to cause any trouble. Tell your dad I love him and to Valentina… Tell her I’m sorry and that I hope she can forgive me some day.” “I will.” “Goodbye, Bianca.”

Adelaida walked out of the house, she closed the door and as she came she left, she was out of her life again.

“Goodbye, mom.”

—-

Adore: I’m sorry we couldn’t go, Ern Ernie: It’s ok, we understand, little sister Adore: we already had her present and shit Ernie: you can give it to us tomorrow in your baby shower Ernie: I don’t think Aria would get mad if you give her her gift a day later, she does not give a shit Ernie: don’t tell Sali I said that Adore: HAHA, I won’t Ernie: Good, see ya tomorrow Adore: see ya!

Adore put her cellphone on her vanity and looked back at Bianca.

“Ern said that is ok.” “…” “Bea…” She traced little patterns on her back. “I know you hate this question but… Are you ok?” “No.” Her shoulders started to tremble and a sob escaped her lips. Adore couldn’t move a lot because of her belly, she laid on her side and got the closer she could to her wife, she wrapped her arm around her and kissed her neck. “I’m so sorry the things went like this.” “I’m sorry as well, I didn’t plan this when I wrote that letter, I didn’t want this to happen, I didn’t want to hurt Valentina.” “Baby, that’s not your fault.” “It is.” “No, it’s not.” She kissed the lunar Bianca had on her shoulder. “Don’t blame yourself, you couldn’t predict this, it’s not your fault.” “…” “Try to get some sleep, you have a big weekend ahead, you’ll need all of your energy.”

Bianca turned to Adore and cuddled against her, her face was against her neck and her arm was covering her stomach.

“I don’t know what I would if I ever lose you.” “You’ll never lose me, I’ll always be here for you.” “Promise?” “Promise.”

[magicalplans]

What is love? Pt 3

friend didn’t wanna walk home alone which I can understand totally this neighborhood sucks cops step around dead bodies like the mafucker isn’t even dead on the ground lol but morel of that story is i thought i was giving her some much needed space and freedom girl time and time alone my damn self but I guess she only saw it as her way to escape terrible me.. she used every tiny thing I let her in on in my life to tear me down our last call ever and I swear I wish somehow I could not have had to hear all that from the person I think of more highly then anyone I’ve ever known in my life and now I hate myself totally like I’m seriously the weirdo in every situation I’m just weird and you know what ? I can’t change I’ll never be a person people like I’ll never fit in I’ll never have friends ill never be “normal” so I’ve been slowly killing myself not showering not eating not doing anything ever I can’t sleep right at all now I have neural brain damage I lost my left testical got sepsis which is still trying to kill me as we speak and I just don’t care they say I need a family doctor ASAP at ER I say fuck it idc what’s wrong I’m not a good guy im not any addition to my family im not shit like shit has more importance than me shit gives people jobs cleaning up shit ya know 😃 lol I’m sick of living here I’m sick of having no money not being able to do anything fun cuz I have barely enough money to get high so I can cope with life like nothing is gonna get better she didn’t love me clearly like nobody ever does people just use me as there very last resort like she said wouldn’t even do that lol if I was the last human on earth she says she’d kill herself just to not have to talk to me again or see me again like ill tell you what lol when your chest feels like its caving in every second of every day because you can’t breathe without them thats what love is I never knew it could be so real until it was to damn late like I always would ask her to leave me when we argued but Why? Because I direly needed it to end civilly like of course not though she shows up with him at my house (without cops) and they tried to walk into my house! I would have brutally murdered him and for what because you wanted to hurt me EVEN FUCKIN MORE showing up with him! Why couldn’t your dad bring you? I just woulda brought all your stuff out to him real damn peacefully fr and been like thank you sir afterwards like damn you raised some awesome ass kids period your a fuckin God and I envy tf outta you for doing that shit all alone like I couldn’t probably I don’t know though I was never really given a fair shot at being a dad my kids have always been used as a tool for hurting me and nothing else I prayed for her death for years before I woke up and realized that’s very wrong to prey for and not to mention they need her because I’ve been an alcoholic mess for idk how long lol how’d that happen? She took my little angel fRom me because she was bored of me cheated on me and Would openly leave her evidence out so I’d find it and flip out and beat her it was HIGHLY MANIPULATIVE I couldnt see it then I was a child but now I see she learned my triggers and Used them very carefully to break up with me like why not say your bored and Wanna see other people? Empty box of condoms in your car on the floor? And I was supposed to believe your sister left them lol you would plant shit like that knowing I would snap! Why not like actually fully move in to right ? Nope. Boo hoo I miss my grandma and grandpa I’m gonna go sleep there tonight like WTF? Shit is whack I never loved you I just would say it so I could see my baby girl every day I tolerated you for so damn long I don’t know how I didn’t kill you or myself lol sorry but if I was so damn abusive why not just take me out while I’m sleep? Lol! Coulda saved many many girls a lot of trouble seriously but I now realize lol Ryan, realize, lol, man we coulda been famous af 😭 anyways I realize that YOU are what made me so angry and violent not Tom abusing me and my mom not some chemical imbalance fuck that you treated me

[babygirlblogging-lise-blog]

My First

I failed my driving test. 

That was in the fall of 2017, I was a senior in high school. All of my friends were getting their licenses and cars while I was stuck being a passenger. The woman who failed me thought I wasn’t confident enough. Like damn, can’t even be nervous without being penalized these days huh? She failed me for the most ridiculous shit. But that has nothing to do with the story I plan on telling. 

A few weeks before my eighteenth birthday I tried again. This was something I needed to do before I turned 18. Giving up wasn’t an option. There was no way I wanted to retake my written if I didn’t pass before I was considered a legal adult. The guy who tested me this time? He was fine as hell and now that I think about it, I was supposed to text him when I turned eighteen. I lost his number, sadly. But that also has nothing to do with the story. I want to tell you the story about the first guy I-

-’ve always been cheap. I was ten when my aunt was going to get a new car. I convinced her to save her old car for me so that when I started driving I wouldn’t have to buy a car. By the end of the summer of 2017, my grandpa fixed up the old car and I was all good to go. Free to go wherever I wanted. I no longer had to wait around for people, waste money on lyfts or walk. So naturally, I took myself on adventures. 

One night, against my better judgement. I lied to my mom and said I was going to hang out with my friends. If I would have told her what I was really going to do, she would’ve gone into over protective mode and I didn’t want that. I just wanted some time to myself. I drove over the bridge and into Philly. Not for a concert or any other event. I just wanted some me time. I parked my car. Got oreo ice cream and sugar cookies from Insomnia Cookies and walked around the city. 

Not going to lie and say I knew exactly where I was at all times. I wasn’t even guaranteed that I was safe, I wasn’t focused on my surroundings. All I know is I was somewhere around Broad Street, because that’s where Insomnia Cookies was located. I came across this huge, gorgeous building, I’m not very good at names. Everything was lit up and there was art on the sides of some of the buildings surrounding it. There was even a fountain in front of it all. The scene just looked so beautiful. I walked across the street, hopped up on a ledge and just took it all in. It felt serene, even with so many people flooding the sidewalks. I sat and continued eating my snacks, I was enjoying clearing my head. Until someone interrupted me that is… 

“Hey.” I looked up to see a cute guy. There were a few girls not too far from me talking. It was the beginning of August, late at night but still pushing eighty degrees. Of course they were clad in clothes that left nothing to the imagination. I figured he was talking to them. Guys like the ones who look easy. He couldn’t have been talking to me. So I went back to dipping my cookie into my ice cream and admiring the scenery. I didn’t really acknowledge the fact that he moved a little closer to me. He said hey again and I finally looked up at him directly, before looking around. He laughed a little. “I don’t blame you for being that into ya snacks. I love their shit. But I’ve been trying to get your attention for a minute.” Yep, he’s definitely talking to me. I was confused as to why though. I get hit on by guys pretty often, I know I’m not ugly but with him talking to me, I felt extremely insecure. Suddenly I wished that I had dressed a little better. I looked like a child for fucks sakes. I was wearing a gold fish shirt, black tights, a hat that said “Hoodrats” and Chucks. I was even swinging my legs off the ledge, eating ice cream! 

He introduced himself as Dey. I wanted to know the name his mom gave him so I asked him for his full name. Ayinde. Pronounced Uh-zhen-day. Unique. It has African origins. He told me that my name was almost as pretty as I was. If I were white, I definitely would have blushed. I didn’t understand why he made me feel so shy. 

 I learned that he was mixed with Irish, Haitian and Cuban. Interesting mix, I know. Despite his slight baby face, he turned out to be 20. He was tall, about 6’1. He had taken his hat off to redo his ponytail, he tied his curly, brown hair back into a man bun. He was light skinned with a slight tan. Doe brown eyes paired with the cutest smile. He was dressed in all black, I would’ve been a little concerned if it weren’t for the logo on his hat. I could see a tattoo peeking out from under his short sleeved shirt. Just my type. 

I was tired of the small talk and beating around the bush. “Why’d you come over here to talk to me?” Instead of replying, the douche just smiled and then hopped up on the ledge next to me. It was weird. I was supposed to be having me time, if any other guy did this I would’ve been rude. I wouldn’t have given them the time of day. I wasn’t even afraid, Ayinde strangely made me feel safe. Something was telling me to give him a chance, instead of shutting him down. 

“Well, I was on break, I work across the street.” He points to a small cafe. “I saw you walk by and… I don’t know I thought you were beautiful. Now that I’ve gotten closer, it seems so effortless. No make up and you’re not even dressed up.”

Shit, I have no clue what to say to this. He’s been nice and respectful. “Thank you.” Well, that was lame but it was safe. We talked more before he had to go back to work. He was funny as hell, we both had the same rude, dark, sarcastic humor. He complimented me pretty often and he seemed kind of bummed that he had to leave once his break was over. 

“Why don’t you grow some balls and just ask me what you wanna ask me.” I thought to myself, I should be a fucking actress. I’m great at faking confidence. 

He laughed and just smiled at me for a second. “Well, I would like to get to know you more. Can I get your number?” 

You know when you give someone your number, you almost expect them to wait days or weeks to text you. Surprisingly, Ayinde texted me that night. 

AYINDE: hey beautiful, u get home safely?

ME: Oh shit, I see u found ur balls! 

AYINDE: lol yea yea yea. I know I was acting like a pussy earlier but that’s not how I usually am

***

AYINDE: FT me? I haven’t seen u since we met punk

ME: No I look crazy rn 

AYINDE: Is tht even possible? I think you’re cute af

ME: aww thanks but everyone’s entitled to their own insecurities

AYINDE: Ig but that’s y u need me 

ME: wym?

AYINDE: to take away your insecurities

ME: Doubt that’s possible 

AYINDE: try me

***

ME: entertain meee! I’m bored, stuck at my great grandma’s house :(

AYINDE: I literally just woke up, still in bed

ME: Luckyyy, my head’s fucking killing me

AYINDE: wish I could help

ME: me too lol do u have superpowers? 

AYINDE: no, do u?

ME: Nah I’m not tht awesome 

AYINDE: I think ur pretty awesome

Ayinde and I got closer over the next month. We hadn’t actually seen each other after the first time we met. He worked crazy hours and still had school. I worked everyday and had school as well. Plus, I wasn’t completely comfortable meeting up with a guy I didn’t really know. He understood that. He always made sure I was comfortable before we did anything. He eventually convinced me to facetime him… a lot... and when we didn’t he acted like a big baby.

ME: u happy now?

AYINDE: lol no

ME: y not -_-

AYINDE: I got nothing pretty to look at now

ME: whose fault it tht?

AYINDE: idk. Do u kno?

ME: Lol yea ik

AYINDE: tell me 

ME: yours :P

AYINDE: well if u came over we wouldn’t have this problem

I was a very late bloomer. I knew freshmen girls who got pregnant, meanwhile I hadn’t had my first kiss until I was 16. I didn’t start dating until 17. I was a fresh 18 and I was still a virgin. I waited a while to tell him because I liked him and didn’t want to scare him off. But he surprised me, I learned that he wasn’t like other guys. Most guys only want you for one thing. And that’s to get them off. Not all are gonna be lovey dovey when you’re not putting out. 

ME: I hate being a girl. I think my uterus just exlpoded. Im dying

AYINDE: Aww u can’t die yet, I havent taken u out yet

ME: wut do u want from meee

AYINDE: I told u what I want 

ME: hmmmm

AYINDE: i didnt? 

ME: u could have an ulterior motive

AYINDE: lol what? Ayo y cant I just think ur gorgeous and want to get to kno u, find out who u r

***

He was very protective of me. Anytime I even looked a tiny bit sad or sounded off, he was ready to beat someone up for me. 

AYINDE: ur awake? 

ME: Yea just woke up on some bs 

AYINDE: u good?

ME: yea im ok lol

AYINDE: u sure? I’ll fuck someone up

ME: lol yea im good now

And as the oldest, always looking out for my little brothers and my friends. It felt good to have someone looking out for me for a change. 

***

ME: I move into college tmw nd I aint pack shit yet

AYINDE: ur bugging

ME: Pack 4 me?

AYINDE: lol ill pass

ME: my back hurts like all hell, some of this shit is heavy

AYINDE: what u carrying…?

ME: 4 one, I hav a lot of clothes, they add up nd I had to take em downstairs

AYINDE: lol whoakay wittle wone

ME: fuck u, this shit weighs more than me! I almost fell down the stairs!

AYINDE: thts cuz ur like 87 lbs

ME: Aye! Give me my props, im like 120

AYINDE: lol i see u killa

I fucking loved when he called me that, made me feel invincible. 

Despite how it seems this isn’t a love story. This isn’t a memoir about me finding my first love. Bleh. That’s so sappy. I want to tell you about the first time I stepped out of my comfort zone. You’ve experienced a snippet of our relationship. Ayinde and I were never together. We were just people who met at the wrong time. Had too much going on in our separate lives to focus on developing a relationship. But it didn’t stop us from pursuing the unique friendship we had. For years we maintained contact, I’d visit him pretty often but we always kept our distance when it came to personal things. We used each other as escapes from our realities. We were each other’s vacation after a long week. 

One night we were hanging out and things got more heated than they usually did. I wasn’t prepared to take the next step with anyone. No worries, I’m not about to make you uncomfortable and talk about how I lost my virginity because that isn’t the point. Before I say anything, I did have a great childhood. But some things did leave me scarred, I struggled with intimacy as a result. To make a long story short, it makes me self conscious, not something I’ll flaunt for the whole world to see. 

I’m the type of girl who will wait until the bathroom is empty to change my pad or start going to the bathroom. If it’s too busy, I’ll wait all day until I go home. In the locker room, I’d find the farthest corner or wait until all the girls leave to change my clothes. I’m not comfortable being alone around men. I used to clench my pocket knife in my hand when I walked home alone at night. The list goes on. 

The point of this memoir is to tell about the first time I felt completely comfortable in my own skin. Let alone, around a guy. 

They were everywhere. Trailing from my neck and back up against mine. His lips were distracting. I could barely focus. Let alone notice that the both of us were wearing less and less clothing by the minute. I stopped. 

I wouldn’t be able to handle him not liking what he saw. What if I did a bad job? What if he stopped talking to me?

“Do you want me to stop?” Ayinde pulled back from me looking concerned. He looks so cute right now. I kind of wanted to pick up where we left off. 

“Ye-No. It’s just, can you turn the lights completely down?” He liked his room dim, not too bright or dark. It was normally perfect but at that moment, they were making this situation turn into a nightmare.

“Um, why? What’s wrong?” He’s still hovering above me. I didn’t really want him to move. I bit my lip, contemplating. 

“Just don’t look at me any differently. Okay?” I pulled him down by the back of his neck and kissed him hard. Hoping that my issues with myself wouldn’t be a big deal, I’ve never gone this far with anyone. 

When the time came. I held my breath. Okay, I see my pants on the floor near the dresser. My shirt is near the door. I was locating my clothing so that I’d be able to leave quicker. I’m not really one to feel embarrassed but this was going to be borderline humiliating if I wasn’t enough for him. This reminded me of how I felt when I failed my driving test, but I wanted to do this with Ayinde. I didn’t want to quit just because I hadn’t grown the balls to show anyone else. I didn’t want to miss out because I was nervous as to what he might think. I had to at least give him a chance. 

What Ayinde did shocked me. Instead of being grossed out or losing his hard on. He didn’t ask any questions, he didn’t say anything. He kissed every part of my body and when he was done he leaned down to kiss my lips. I was worried, about him seeing all of me, for no reason. He wound up giving me the confidence I needed to be comfortable in my own skin. He told me what I needed to hear from a guy that I was into, not my parents: 

“You’re beautiful.”

And just like that... I didn’t have anymore insecurities. 

[timetowxste]

I miss my fucking brother.

So my brother passed away in April and i can't stop replaying everything in my head. I try to do a million things in a day to help keep me busy so i don't have to think about it. And when i don't think about it, i'm almost ok... but when i have nothing left to do, i'm almost always crying. I lost a huge part of me. A huge part of my life. Growing up, it was always just us two against the world. Having that brother and sister bond, the arguing, the laughing, the playing pretend, the always having each other's backs thing, everything is just gone. Whenever we'd get in trouble, we'd always have each other. We've been through so much, from our alcoholic parents running away from us, the cops coming to get us and us having to go stay places... Our little hole we dug in our front yard, always playing cars outside.. or jumping off the shack and propane tank onto the trampoline. secretly playing Mario on our old school tv with the blanket over us almost like a little gaming fort, and getting into trouble when we'd laugh because we were suppose to be sleeping.. all the birthdays, christmas', and just every day... my whole life. you were my whole life. i just wanna say sorry for leaving you for 4 years when i lived with my grandma and when you moved away. Im sorry i didn't come with you. I cry so much thinking of what you told me. how you said you always cried whenever i'd leave when i'd go visit.. how you and i missed out on so much memories together those years we spent apart... how i could have done fun things with you during that time and instead you stayed in your room for those years and rarely went out, and when you did, you'd go see your friend. i'm thankful you had a friend there. and i'm so thankful you moved in with me when i got a place here. I'm so thankful we made a few new memories here. I'm so sorry for getting upset with you, from time to time, i feel like i was such a bad sister. It's so hard for me to show people how i truly feel and that's one big fucked up thing about me. i'm sorry i didn't show you how i felt about you every day. You were a great brother and i appreciate all of the laughs we shared. all of the pranks and even just bugging you and stealing your food. Little things like that i'll always cherish... i'll always remember the way my stomach felt as i was walking in that hospital. i wanted to throw up. i was so anxious and saddened knowing you were hurt that bad. no one would ever think by just falling down stairs, it would be that bad. that's why when i found out that morning, i just said "fuckin darren... he'll be ok" and just went back to bed. i should have just rushed over there and maybe you'd see me as you freaked out in ilex when they rushed you there. mom told me you tried to pull out your tubes and you were talking nonsense and the only thing that she understood was "oh my gosh" i always try to put myself in your shoes and imagine the kind of headache you were feeling as your brain was swelling up... then they sedated you and you never woke up after that. who knew all of this would happen just by falling down stairs? Swollen brain.. blood inside the brain in multiple places... then you developed pneumonia and they had to try warm you up and cool you down, a part of me is thinking that's how you got pneumonia in the first place.. they should've just left your body to be in room temperature.. idk but i'm not a doctor so.. yeah.. then after pneumonia, your kidneys and every other organ started failing and they couldn't even fix them because it was putting too much stress on your heart and if they were to try fix one thing, then your heart would stop... UGH!! Mom told me you opened your eyes in the hospital. and the doctors tried to speak to you but you closed your eyes again. I wish they stayed open. i'll never forget that doctor coming in the room and saying there's nothing more they could do and we just had to watch you go. i hope you felt me as i held onto you. i hope you heard me as i whispered in your ear that you'll be okay, as every machine in that room shut down and your heart stopped beating. i know i'll never forget it. i'll never forget actually feeling your heart stop as i put my hand over your chest. i'll never forget the screams i made and how i couldn't even breathe for a second. and in that second, i wished with all my might that i could go with you.. but i know mom needed me so i couldn't. I can't even imagine how mom feels every day. losing her baby boy... i can't even imagine losing my girl because it pains me. mom is so strong still going through each day knowing you're gone, she's still working and everything... but me, it's really fucking hard on me. i can't even think of my future or anything because i'm too depressed. it's almost as if i can't live without you. but i know i have to. for my sammy, i have to live. i have to be a good parent and be there for my girl. i know you'd want me to. and i know you're probably here with me as i type all of this. even just knowing that, it's not the same, it's never gonna be the same. i wish you'd just come home... i always look at the door whenever id hear someone walk up my steps and for a second i'd picture you walking through the door coming home to eat your chips i bought you. i told you to take those chips to brayden's house but you said you'd eat them when you come back.. and you never came back. 😢 as angry and hurt as i am, i still forgave your friend. he pushed you down those stairs, and i know mom will never forgive him for that. but i do. maybe deep down, i don't want to because a part of me is saying how he took my brother away... but i know it's not healthy for me to be so unforgiving.. i'm trying my best to stay strong. some days it just gets to me and i have to go in your room and cry... i know without my sam, idk what id do. i probably would have taken a gun and shot myself. and that's the truth. children are saviours. my sam helps me every day and i know you must think of her and come visit her all the time. of course you would, you loved her so much. this whole post is all over the place but that's my mind for ya! i don't even care about the grammar and all that because well, who would care? especially when they're writing something as emotional as this. i just miss my brother. so fucking much. with every inch of my being i will always fucking miss and love you, Darren.

[inahays]

For you from me

I felt like a mistake to my mom.. or just an extra baby sitter but I know deep down, she loves me. A lot. I felt like I was the daughter my dad never wanted because if I wasn't being obnoxious then I was in the way but he's still my hero, I'd die for him. I thought my step mom loved me but our relationship has vanished and as insane as she is, it really hurts me. My dad use to have this phrase, "you wanna be skull fucked cause I'll skull fuck you bitch." I can't tell you how many times I heard that or my favorite one, "you wanna meet God bitch cause I'll do that for ya." It's a terrible horror film that I can't turn off, maybe it's because I see it as a lesson to not piss men off. He never meant to hurt me; honestly I'd never been loved by anyone like he loved me but then again, that kind of love slid across my face with the back of his hand... I forgave him, maybe that's why I can't forgive you. My papa told me I was going to kill the only dog I'd ever had, I cried for weeks because I realized he never believed in me. My grandpa never spoke to me until my grandma passed away, we stopped getting invited to Christmas dinner or any dinners after that. She was the only one to remember us and she use to tell me all the time, "I love you sweetie. My father was an alcoholic too, so I know what you're going through and I will always be here." She passed away in April and I never got to tell her goodbye or that I loved her. I remember my dad pushing Jaden down the stairs. I remember seeing him in a choke hold by my big brother. I remember my stop mom begging me not to call the police while her daughter is laying on the floor... I remember locking the door with tears running down my face and dialing 911. I can still hear her beginning me to hang up. I remember my brother asking g him for a hug as he was being escorted out our front door and all he said was, "fuck you." Honestly, "I love you" would have hurt more. I remember my brothers face in tears more often than a smile and nothing had broken my heart more... I'd rather take a bullet then see him cry again, I love him more than I let anyone know and part of me thinks it's because I'm terrified of loving people because you can clearly see from the scars on my wrist, I'm not good at loving myself. I remember my step dad... and I miss him. He always had my back...always! But my mom stopped loving him. I guess I watched her stop loving so many people that I realized I never wanted to love anyone because all she did was hurt them and even herself. I will never be able to explain the overwhelming pain I feel from my childhood and I dont care if that's dramatic or pathetic or an excuse in anyone's eyes because truthfully, that pain can't be unseen. I'm terrified of men that drink and when I hear a mans voice yell, I coward like a lost puppy because I don't have the strength I did when I was 9... he took it all from me. I've never been chosen first... ever. I've never felt this way about anyone and oh my goodness that scares me out of my wits... I've never felt fear like this.. I don't want stairs in my house because I remember my dad walking up them and I never knew who's room he was going to make a tornado out of next, sometimes it was mine. I can't handle when people flare their arms, hit something or raise their voice because I learned how to repair a wall too early on and believe me, I've heard him howl at the moon, it was almost more peaceful to hear his screams... I am terrified of many things but I am fearless in letting anyone know that because I want people to know I don't give a damn about what they think but they HAVE to know that I am not afraid, even if I am. I had planned on graduating college because that's what normal people do and I want to prove to my grandpa that my dad is not a fuck up but I dropped out because I refuse to be a statistic. I am full of bad decisions, terrible memories, more tears that the ocean and a ton of scars on my wrist and yeah, I'm pretty lost on who I am but that's me. Lost and not really trying to find a path because I was never good at coloring between the lines. I am someone who is 100% inlove with you and I am not okay with it because I have never loved anyone like this and that scares me... I doubt that anyone will ever be able to love me because no one really does.. no one really knows me.