#ya that’s right folks. I remember how to write don’t flip out

[stopthatfool]

wip from the prompts i’m working through ! !

idk i’ve been exploring Ice and his eternal thoughts and feelings recently especially in regards to bradley and how their relationship would function. the prompt itself is getting long i honestly might have to post it on ao3 tbh.

[stesierra]

Guys, I'm working on a new writeblr intro that explains what my books are about but it's taking me a while because I write too much. In the meantime, here's the first chapter of my adult fantasy trilogy. Maybe a little less thrilling than my YA and NA stuff.

If you want to be added or removed from my writing taglist, please let me know. I keep asking if people want to be removed because I'm pretty sure no one wants to be inundated with this much writing.

The Halfway Revenant

Chapter One

Mindral Thideet said, “Show me what you’ve got, and I’ll pay you what it’s worth.” If it was worth anything. She had her doubts. The junkman’s armful of old pages and books stank of mildew and piss, almost strong enough to drown out his body odor.

The junkman bared his crooked teeth and slapped his ragged prizes down on her table. “Got a lot of good things this time, areh. Valuable things. Worth dozens of facts. A book of them, even.”

“We’ll see, aran.” Gingerly, she drew the pile towards her. It stank even worse up close. The white Nimina light overhead illuminated faded letters and torn parchment pages. Some them were so wrinkled they looked about to fall to shreds. Water stains covered others, and the ink had bled so badly they were completely illegible. This was no treasure trove. But she’d pay the man something, no matter how useless his information. That was what kept the junkmen coming to her door.

The junkman sniffed and rocked as she sorted through his odds and ends. His pupils filled his bright eyes as though he sat in the deepest darkness, a sign he was coming down from a sooz high. Only an idiot bargained under the influence, and idiots didn’t last long in the city of knowledge.

She shoved the loose pages aside and opened the first of the books. Missing pages greeted her, and spines warped with age. Where had he gotten these? At the bottom of a trash heap?

“You’re so pretty,” the junkman slurred, staring at her with those drugged eyes.

“I’m perfectly average,” Mindral said. “And if you want to get paid, you’ll keep your compliments to yourself.” It was true. Her dark olive skin and gray eyes fit in perfectly at Shaneh. She’d cropped her black hair short, as was the fashion. Her sharp face and modest curves seldom drew attention. No, she’d earned her place here with her brain, not her beauty.

She sorted through the books, dismissing one after another, until at last she stumbled across an unfinished journal. The cover hung by a thread, and water damage had warped the pages and blurred the writing, but none of the leaves were missing. Only a good family could afford paper pages dyed pure white.

She flipped to the front, looking for a sign of the writer’s identify. In the upper right corner, a neat hand had written, “Property of Kuldeev Nimina. Reward for return.”

A lump formed in her throat. No one would reward her for returning this book. Kuldeev Nimina, a famous recluse and researcher, had split his head open at the bottom of Delshet Canyon a little over two years ago.

It was a fate she courted every time she went gliding. Sometimes she thought about him and all the other careless folk who had smashed into the floor of the canyon when she got ready to glide, but the air called to her, and she couldn’t stay away.

“What are you going to pay me?” the junkman asked, bumping against her table. “You want that one. Don’t you?”

She scooted her stool back. “I’ll give you a page of facts. No more, no less.” He wouldn’t remember them, not high on sooz. If he was lucky, he could read.

“Good facts?”

“Enough to buy a whole month of meals.” Or a few servings of sooz.

He flashed yellowed teeth at her. “Deal.”

She shoved her new pile of junk aside and grabbed a fresh sheet of paper. As she painted words on it, she pondered her purchase. She might be underpaying for the journal. A genius inventor like Kuldeev might have mentioned nuggets brilliance in his private journal. He’d been one of the Niminas to design the far-writer, allowing letters to be sent from here to the capital city in the blink of an eye. This journal could be the most valuable thing she’d found that year.

Oh, the Thideet family wouldn’t dare steal Kuldeev’s research and claim it as their own. The Niminas would destroy them if they ever found out. But the Thideets could sell the journal back to the Nimina family for a pretty penny.

The junkman shambled away with a sheet of facts clutched in his meaty hand. Mindral turned back to the journal. She needed her next big break, and perhaps this was it.

She was squinting down at the blurred writing when Shad said from the doorway, “More junk again? You’re going to be buried under it if you buy any more.”

When she glanced up, her cousin grinned at her. His features were softer than any other Thideet’s, and he towered over them all, but his gray eyes marked him as a member of the family.

She snorted. “We have room. Why haven’t you gone home yet? Or did you plan to bring me dinner?”

“You’re not the only one who can stay late,” he said. “And I only bring you lunch because you forget the whole world once you get into the books. Buy your own dinner.” He sauntered forward, a sheet of paper folded in his hand. His blue linen tunic and trousers cost three times as much as her knee-length undyed frock. Shad took pride in showing off the family’s wealth. Mindral liked clothes she wasn’t afraid to stain.

“What’s this?” she said when he slapped the letter down on her pile.

“From the far-writer.”

“I can get up and check it myself, you know.” But she unfolded the page and peered down at it.

It wasn’t much of a letter, just a note. It read,

Mindral,

Your silence over the last year has not gone unnoticed. Two long letters only, with only minor contributions to the family’s wealth of information. I find myself questioning why I have you posted to Shaneh at all. You have many cousins who would jump at the chance to lead our work in the city of knowledge.

Unless you soon prove yourself useful in this post, I will recall you back to Nahiroun. The Mahtiar family has expressed interest in a marriage alliance. A wife and mother would serve the family better than a researcher who rests on her laurels.

Find something to increase the family renown by the end of summer or join the caravans and return home this fall.

With all due respect,

Jahmind Thideet

With all due respect. Mindral knew exactly how much respect her uncle thought she was due. She flung the letter onto the junk pile, where it belonged. “Did you read this piece of shit?”

Shad blinked guileless eyes at her. “Would I do that?”

“You check the far-writer twenty times a day, looking for gossip. I know you read it. What do you think of it?”

His face sobered. “I think he’s serious, Mindral. I know you two always butt heads, but he’s never threatened to send you home before.”

Mindral put her head in her hands. “One slow year, and he thinks I’m a failure. The ten years I’ve spent here mean nothing to him.”

“He’s a hard man.”

“He’s a bastard.”

Shad grinned. “Don’t talk about our grandmother that way.”

“I will if I want to.” She brooded over her pile of trash. “I’ve got to find something to make him happy. But nothing makes that man happy.” She already spent every day trading for useful information, searching the family archive for lost works of genius. Things hid in the archive that no living human remembered. The Thideet family was too minor to have a vote in the oligarchy, but it was old. It had been at the city of knowledge for a long time.

And the junk piles were always another source of knowledge. Everyone in the city knew to bring the things they couldn’t sell elsewhere to Mindral. She’d pay at least a few tidbits for them. Even if Jahmind considered it a waste of time, Mindral had made some of her greatest discoveries among the junk. Kuldeev’s journal might be one of them.

“Go home, Mindral,” her cousin said. “You can make a brillian breakthrough tomorrow.”

She glanced at her enchanted bracelet. The color said it was just before dusk, and her stomach threatened to eat its way out of her abdomen. “You first.”

“I only stayed this late to bother you.”

She rolled her eyes, scooped up the journal and a generous armful of the junk pile, and slid everything into her bag. “Fine. Let’s head out.” She shrugged on her folded glider and backpack and left Jahmind’s note behind. Let it be lost among the trash, where it deserved to be.

As they left the old stone building, they squeezed between bookshelves and crates stuffed into every available space. The Nimina lights flickered out one after another behind them. The crystal orbs only glowed when someone was around to benefit. Mindral wasn’t sure how the Nimina family had enchanted them to do that, for the workings of the lights was one piece of information that wasn’t for sale. The country of Sakhder was full of such enchantments, kept private property by patents and closely guarded secrets.

The ancient archive door shut behind them with a creek. She locked it, the last of thirteen Thideets to leave for the day. A blast of hot spring air stripped away the dusty scent of old books, and she took a whiff of the smoke that drifted up from the cookfires on the levels far below. Up here on the highest level, archives and museums marched along the cliffside road for miles. The ancients had carved the buildings from limestone, decorating them with family emblems and symbols of the four gods. The basalt cliff stretched out over the street to keep off the rare rains. The mud nests of omicats clustered under the overhang, like the nest of cliff swallows. In the dim light of dusk, the omicats flocked back to their nests, tucking all four paws and both wings in, so that only their cat-like heads and the tip of their tails stuck out of the openings. Their high-pitched mews echoed out across the canyon.

“Come on,” Shad said. “I’m starving.”

Mindral ambled away from the archive, glancing across the empty air towards the other side of the city, where she lived. Far, far below, the dark blue Narjeh River ran, but Mindral wasn’t afraid of heights. She loved the thrill of standing on the edge, a thousand feet above the earth, and knowing she could open her glider and fly all the way down to the canyon floor.

Something red streaked down from the overhanging ceiling, and Shad cursed as it buzzed his head, missing his ear by an inch. The creature flew straight towards Mindral, its four clawed paws outstretched, and thumped into her chest with a chirp.

Mindral grinned. “Pitra, what have I told you about harassing Shad?”

The omicat flatted her over-large ears and bared her needle-like teeth. She climbed Mindral’s frock, up to perch upon her shoulder, and fanned her leathery wings against Mindral’s cheek. The omicat stretched no longer than Mindral’s hand from pink nose to the tufted tip of her tail.

“That thing is a menace,” Shad said, rubbing at his short hair. “I’ve told you a dozen times. It’s probably diseased. I found a document yesterday that listed a dozen diseases people can get from bats.”

“Pitra isn’t a bat.” Mindral offered the omicat her finger to sniff.

He frowned at her. “She’s got the wings of one, and she’s just as wild. Everyone knows you can’t tame omicats.”

“That’s why I don’t try,” Mindral said, patting the creature on the back. “She comes to me because I helped her once. And you’re wrong. A bat’s wings are like an outstretched hand, with skin between the fingers. Omicats have wings supported by a single, long finger.”

He threw his hands up. “That doesn’t mean it doesn’t have rabies! Hasn’t anyone told you that when wild animals get too close to people, it’s because they’re sick?”

“Are you sick?” Mindral asked Pitra, and the little creature yawned in her face. “See, Shad? Nothing to worry about. Don’t you want dinner?”

“Whatever,” he muttered and turned to trudge away from the archive. Mindral followed.

The city of knowledge was like no other city in the world. Not only did it have omicats roosting in the ceiling, it was vertical, made of ten layers carved into both sides of a towering, sheer-sided limestone and basalt canyon. Enchanted bronze pipes climbed the canyon walls, bringing fresh water from the river to the city above. Enchanted columns reinforced the layers, preventing erosion and collapse. The city’s layers were not deep, each composed of a road and three rows of three-story buildings, but they stretched for twenty miles. At the last census, the ten layers contained twenty-five thousand, seven hundred and sixty buildings—counting shops and archives—and forty-three thousand, five hundred and fifty-two citizens. Mindral knew because it was her business to know as much as possible. Besides, the fact was usually enough to buy a snack from the food vendors.

Not far from the archive, a rope bridge spanned the gap between the two walls of Delshet Canyon. Two hoists down to the lower levels stood beside it. A short line waited to use them.

Shad headed towards the line, and Mindral bumped his shoulder and said, “See you tomorrow.”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “Ride down with me. Show me you’re sane.”

She grinned at him. “Sane? Pitra and I are going flying. What could be saner than that?”

“Anything,” he snapped. “At least that thing has wings. You’ve just got a flimsy glider.”

She touched the device folded on her back. “This glider is the finest of its kind. Built of copper and sailcloth and featherlight wood. Enchanted with feathers for lift and maneuverability. I can sail all the way down to the canyon floor, if I want to.”

“I don’t care if the Niminas themselves enchanted it. It’s madness.”

She gestured out towards the open air between the two sides of the canyon. “But it’s such beautiful madness. Look!”

Down below, people swept past each other on wings of canvas and wood, heading home from work in the fastest and most dangerous way.

Shad stared down at the sight. “Someday, you’re going to step off the edge and collide with someone else. And then you’ll go splat down at the bottom.”

“Worrywart,” she said joyfully. “I’ve never gone splat.”

“There’s a first time for everything,” he muttered. “Look, I’ll walk with you.”

“Going out of your way?”

He folded his arms. “If you have to glide home every day, at least I can make sure you make it.”

They strolled north along the road, passing researchers from other families as they left for the night. They all bowed their heads and called her Areh Thideet. She remembered only some of their names but offered a polite “areh” or “aran” to each. As they walked, young teenagers accosted them, advertising for other families who had information or inventions to trade.

A good half of them worked for the Cheref family. They proclaimed the wonders of the family’s transcription device, which could make a thousand copies of a letter in under an hour. Mindral smiled politely but ignored them. As if she—and everyone—hadn’t heard all about the transcription device. Its invention had launched the Cherefs to key family status, earning them a vote in the oligarchy. They had achieved the aim of every lesser family. If Mindral ever made a discovery great enough to cause such a leap in power, she could take over as head of the family and make Jahmind marry whoever she chose.

Mindral petted Pitra as they bypassed another hawking teenager. She told Shad, “You’re silly for walking all the way with me. You’ll just have to walk back.”

He sniffed. “Someone has to look out for you.”

“I’m older than you.”

“Less mature. Who came in drunk last week?”

She lifted her chin. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about. And you definitely didn’t have a hangover two days ago. We two are the most serious researchers Shaneh has ever seen.”

He laughed, and she counted it as a win.

By the time they reached the point opposite her neighborhood, the sky had dimmed, welcoming the night. Another rope bridge connected the east and west sides of Delshet Canyon, edged by two hoists.

Shad said, “Ride the hoist down. Be a sensible, sedate woman for once.”

Mindral grinned at him. “Oh, Shad, that’s not me.” And she stepped to the edge of the street instead and climbed up onto the low guard wall. The eighth level, her goal, stood at least seven hundred feet below. The people on the road down there looked like a trail of ants.

“Ready, Pitra?” she asked her small companion. The omicat chirped and spread her wings on Mindral’s shoulder.

Shad shook his head and took a step towards the edge. “Why do you love falling to your death so much? You’re supposed to be smart.”

“I really will see you tomorrow,” she told her cousin. “Don’t fret. And I love gliding because it’s the only time I feel really free.”

“You’re crazy,” he told her.

She grinned and spread the wings of her glider. As Pitra leaped from her shoulder, she pushed off into empty space. Gravity seized her, and she dived, streaking through the air like a hawk. Pitra flew beside her, mewling in delight and dancing around her like a leaf blown on a breeze. The wind ruffled her hair and whipped up her frock, exposing the breeches she wore beneath.

As always, when she flew, delight swelled in her heart and sparked in her limbs. If a job had existed where she could spend all her time in the air, she would take it in a second. But her family considered gliding nothing but the indulgence of a dare devil. Unbecoming of a serious reseacher. Only Pitra shared her joy. Only Pitra understood.

As she neared the eight level, she aimed for one of the many rope nets set up to catch air travels. She landed in center, catching the ropes with her hands and feet, and clambered out. The wings of her glider folded away just as Pitra swooped in to land on her head.

“Shoulder, please,” she said sternly and put a hand up to help the omicat climb down to her usual perch. “What have I told you about landing in my hair?”

Pitra chirped and rubbed her pink nose into Mindral’s ear. The omicat always cuddled close right after they’d flown together. She loved it just as much as Mindral did. Mindral shot her a loving smile, but the fragrant air called to her empty stomach. The many food vendors that camped along the road on the eighth level always scented the air with smoke and frying meat, and today it was particularly strong. She followed her nose to her favorite, Parasham Sohem, a mountain of a man who appreciated the value of her information.

For once, no one lined up for Parasham’s food. He bent over his dung fire, stirring a pan perched on a three-legged stand. A dozen skewers of fresh pork roasted beside the flames, glistening with their own fat. Parasham’s bald head and round face glistened, too, with prodigious sweat.

Mindral leaned close and inhaled the sweet smoky scent. “Parasham, my friend, tell me what’s for dinner.”

Parasham straightened, rubbing a hand across his thin eyebrows. “Noodles and sour chicken for you, if you pay for it. Friendship only earns so many free meals. Nothing for that menace on your shoulder.”

She offered him a winning smile. “I paid you last week. And Pitra isn’t a menace. She’s got the manners of a key family areh.”

He shook a fat finger at her. “Last week’s information bought last week’s meals. If you want another dinner, you’ll have to trade information or goods. And don’t tell me that creature’s harmless! Six omicats already swooped in and stole a skewer of meat from me not half an hour ago!”

“But Pitra wasn’t among them. She was with me.”

He snorted. “So you say! The vermin all look the same to me. Do you want food or not?”

“I do. I’ll trade information. I found an old recipe for lentil cakes in our archives. If I give it to you, that’s worth six meals and six cubes of meat for Pitra.”

“Four,” he countered.

“Five, and I won’t go lower, Aran Sohem. I can find food elsewhere.”

“No need to get formal,” he muttered. “Fine. Five meals and five cubes of meat.”

She recited the recipe to him, and he listened with the keen attention and perfect memory that made every salesperson in Shaneh a success. Then she held out a hand. “Meat cube first.”

He grumbled but pulled a piece off one of the skewers of pork. It wasn’t cooked through yet, but Pitra would prefer that anyway. Mindral presented the morsel to her companion, who sniffed it and took a cautious lick.

“Does that thing have a problem with my cooking?” Parasham asked, folding his brawny arms.

Pitra snapped her head forward and snatched the piece from Mindral’s fingers. With a flutter of wings, she flew away, taking her treat off to some private place to enjoy. “Not at all,” Mindral told the cook. “Now my turn.” She dug her ceramic bowl out of her pack, and he shoveled noodles and chicken into it until it overflowed.

She walked home, sniffing at the steam that curled up from her pungent meal. Black chickens strutted along the road, and white ducks waddled besides it. A small pack of branded dwarf pigs gobbled up the waste piles the food vendors had left behind.

Beggars lined the path, hoping for handouts. One snatched at her foot and said, “Areh Thideet, Areh Thideet. Have pity.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You know me?” The beggars knew almost nothing, which was why they were beggars.

“Everyone knows you, areh. You discovered the Fardooz Codex, which everyone thought lost for all time. Get me a meal, and I’ll tell you secrets I have overheard about the key families.”

She stepped beyond the man’s reach. “If you had reliable information, you could trade it to the cooks yourself.”

“The Nimanas and the Cherefs are building an alliance through marriage,” his neighbor insisted. “The cooks don’t believe us, but I know you will.”

“Which Nimina? Which Cheref? The Nimina family thinks the Cherefs are upstarts and wouldn’t marry into them if their position depended on it. I won’t buy you a meal for that.”

The beggars’ faces fell.

Pitra swooped down to land on Mindral’s chest, digging little claws into her frock. The meat cube had vanish down her gullet. Mindral smiled at her and told the beggars, “I’ll tell you how to make an onion and garlic sauce you can trade with the cooks. You can cite me as a source. If you think you can remember it correctly.”

She hurried on after that, eager to get home before her food got cold. To Pitra, she said, “Are you coming inside with me tonight? Or are you going back to your nest?”

The omicat chirped and scaled from one shoulder to the other. She stayed clinging to Mindral as she headed back into the buildings that lined the street. Two rows in, beneath Nimina lights hung from the rock overhang, she reached her dwelling. Like everyone else, she’d shuttered her small windows against the late spring heat. The locked door awaited her, framed by a few carvings of Harvad, the god of curiosity. She bowed her head to his image, that of a sun crowned with many eyes, and told Pitra, “Last chance to stay outside for the night. What do you say?”

The omicat nestled down against her neck, her soft fur tickling Mindral’s skin, and began to purr.

A Nimina light blinked on as Mindral entered, and her silver fan, enchanted with peppermint, rose water and the wings of dragonflies, blew cool air in her face. Pitra launched herself from Mindral’s shoulder and fluttered over to land on the overflowing stone bookcase, which held tomes borrowed from the archive.

“Don’t scratch that,” Mindral said. “You’ll break your claws.”

Pitra must have agreed, because she leaped to the neighboring writing table and dug her little claws into the wood. The scratches blended in with all those the omicat had made in the past.

Mindral stepped in and put her bowl down on her small dining table. Pitra joined her, rattling the bronze spoons and knives, and batted at her great indulgence, her spice kit. She rescued it before the omicat could smash the tiny bottles filled with cumin and tumeric and saffron. Mindral didn’t cook, for like most people in Shaneh, her dwelling lacked a fireplace or chimney, but she liked to add a little variety to her purchased meals.

“Behave yourself,” she told the wild omicat. Gently, she set her glider down by the table, like the treasured object it was. Her backpack of documents she dumped out on the writing table.

“Prrow,” Pitra said, rolling onto her back to knock the spoons off the table. Mindral didn’t bother to pick them up. She slurped the chicken and noodles up from the edge of the bowl, puckering her lips at the sour sauce.

When the bowl was empty, she took it outside to the communal water faucet and rinsed it before ducking her head in the stream. A real bath would have to wait until she had time to haul water to her room. Tonight she had research to do.

Back home, she discovered that Pitra had curled up on her pillow, her tiny leathery wings outstretched, and fallen asleep. She’d have to wake the omicat to go to bed, but that was fine. Sleep wasn’t important when she had research to do.

She shoved the junk pile aside and settled in to read Kuldeev’s journal.

#

Very early in the morning, near the end of the filled-in portion of the journal, Mindral stumbled across a drawing that spanned an entire page. Kuldeev had illustrated an unusual apparatus. It looked something like a table, with four legs and a thick top, but two slots in the sides held carefully sketched pieces of paper. Mindral raised her eyebrows. She told Pitra, who was still snoring on her pillow, “This looks just like the Cheref family’s transcription device. You know, I went to see it once, out of curiosity. You wouldn’t believe what they charge to use it.”

The omicat lifted her head and blinked sleepily at Mindral.

“You’re right,” Mindral said, as though the creature had answered her. “Who cares about resemblance? It’s the enchantment that matters, and the Cherefs will never let that slip from their fingers.”

Yet the opposing page read,

I have devised a notion that I am sure will please Laminda: an enchantment to duplicate written pages without the labor of a scribe. I am still working out the fine details, but I have the general form of the instrument and the and the components I will use for it. Ink and paper, obviously. Fine vellum marked with praises of the four gods of knowledge, to give the ability to transfer the ink to paper. The feathers and tongue of a raven, for the ability to mimic. The wings of a butterfly, to allow transformation. The hairs of a horse, for speed. Spider webs, to bind all the magic together. I am testing a few more ingredients, but I am confident I will have a working prototype within the fortnight.

Mindral blinked down at the journal. “Pitra, you won’t believe this. Kuldeev was working on his own transcription device before he died. He even lists some of the ingredients. This is huge.”

The omicat rose from her pillow, stretching out its tiny forelegs, and mewled questioningly.

Mindral jabbed at the partial recipe. “If this contains the details on how to make an alternative transcription device, the Niminas will pay a fortune to get it back. They can put out their own version and put the Cherefs out of business. Jahmind will sing my praises.”

Pitra jumped up on the table and sat in front of the journal, her tail wrapped around her forepaws. She gazed into Mindral’s eyes with great interest and then yawned.

Mindral couldn’t stifle her own yawn in return. “I can’t go to bed yet,” she mumbled. “There’s got to be more information on the device in here.”

After a dozen pages, she found another mention.

I was approached today by a man from a minor family who knew of my duplication instrument. I have no idea how, for I have written about it nowhere but in my private notebooks and this journal, and I do not speak of my research to anyone. Even the rest of the family does not yet know of my current work. But this man knew. And how he insulted me! He offered me a ridiculous sum of gold for my work and my silence, expecting I would let him steal my discovery if only he paid me enough. Hah! As if gold means anything in the city of knowledge. Even had he offered me a thousand books of lost wisdom, I would refuse. My work is sacred to me. I will share it with the world only when it and I am ready, and when I do, my name will be on it.

Mindral frowned and rubbed at the edge of a page. “I don’t know about this journal, Pitra. Something’s wrong with this story. First Kuldeev was designing an alternative transcription device, and then someone tried to buy it off of him? Who found out about it and how?” She shook her head. “I should just box it up and send it home with the last of the caravans. Jahmind will know how to strike a deal with the Niminas.”

But she didn’t box it up. She couldn’t stop now, not so close to the end. Kuldeev’s final entry said,

I have been robbed! Some fiend broke into my house and rifled through my things, stealing every notebook and jotting of research I had. This journal was only spared because I keep it at the bottom of my laundry hamper, where visitors will not stumble across it. I suspect the man who approached me last week of this violation. I can recreate much of what I lost, but that is not the point! Someone means to claim my work as their own, I am certain of it. I go next to the far-writer, to complain to Laminda. The Nimina family will not tolerate such abuses! Any family who publicizes an invention stolen from me we will crush. And I will tell Laminda to watch the family of the man who desired to buy my work from me. We will uncover the guilty, and they will pay.

Nothing more followed. Mindral paged back to the head of the entry and read the date. Kokufeh 3rd, year 3969. In summer, on the very day Kuldeev had smashed his head open at the bottom of the canyon.

Mindral shut the book and stared down at it until Pitra sat upon it and batted at her chin. Then she told the omicat, “I think Kuldeev was murdered. I think the Cherefs did it.”

This was such a such a shocking statement that Mindral glanced around, as if she expected to find eavesdroppers lurking in the corner. But only Pitra heard her words, and the wild animal responded by fleeing to the door, where she scratched, demanding to be let out.

Mindral rose on unsteady legs and went to open the door. Pitra zipped out through the opening and vanished, leaving Mindral alone with her terrible suspicions and no idea of what she was supposed to do about them. She couldn’t take the journal to a Nimina to share what she had discovered. Kuldeev had been the only Nimina to live in Shaneh for the last decade. All she could do was pass it on to Jahmind, who could pass it on to the Niminas back at Nahiroun. But that didn’t seem like enough. Kuldeev had been murdered in Shaneh, and if there was information about who had done it, it was here, not back at Nahiroun.

Pitra was gone, but Mindral still said aloud, “I could find out who did it. I could get proof. The Niminas would reward us.” This could be the big discovery that Jahmind had demanded.

She wished she could go back to the street and call Pitra back, for she desperately needed a hug. But the animal was wild, not a pet, even if it did seem to be her friend. She hid the journal under the clean clothes in her wooden trunk, next to the useless gold she’d brought from Nahiroun ten years ago. Then she curled up on her reed-stuffed mattress and fell asleep with her head pillowed on one arm.

In her dreams, she searched for murderers, but they turned on her when she found them, and she died alone at the bottom of Delshet Canyon, her body broken in two.

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Cousin Nero! 

Kath on AO3 Requested:

Hello! I hope the world is treating you kindly today.

If you don't mind, could you write something inspired by dante having a baby daughter with his s/o, but the focus is nero having to baby sit the little darling while his family is busy?

“Enjoy, thank you for your patience.” -Rodeo

Contents: Aunt!Reader, Daddy Dante, Dante/Reader in the background, Domestic Fluff, Family Bonding, Slightest of Angst 

Dante’s baby was a lot like him, white-haired and blue-eyed, the powerful Sparda genes still kicking. Nero didn’t think Dante was still gunning for a kid, even at his age. You were older too, not like he had the gall to bring it up ever, and your decision to be a mother was also an added surprise. 

Nero had made himself scarce during the time of your pregnancy, you being ushered away by the protective Dante, his hand always on your swelling stomach. 

You had insisted Nero come over for a little outing, inviting Kyrie to tag along as well. Vergil was obviously dragged in by Dante, having lived with him. 

Vergil was stoically helping to chop vegetables for the tomato sauce, Kyrie instructing him what to do. Her patience and un-prying nature were commendable to Vergil, who enjoyed the peace alone when she hustled about the kitchen with you. 

Sitting on the couch, Nero made eye contact with the baby Sparda. 

The father had his daughter situated with her cheek against his bicep, body supported by his forearm while her limbs hung loosely, little strawberry footies on her tiny feet. Red crochet socks with green leaf-shaped fabric around the pudgy ankles, she was a sight to behold. Precariously held, yes, but with Dante’s reflexes, no way could the baby cause any surprises. 

Awkward silences ran in the Sparda bloodline, Dante not feeling the need to talk and Nero not knowing what to bring up. The baby could simply care less, babbling and smacking her father’s bare arm once in a while. 

His aunt, you, called Dante over. His uncle took a swig of beer and set it on the coffee table. 

“Nero, here.” 

“Whoa!” Nero sputtered as Dante just handed the baby to him. He was quick to cradle the back of her head, her body on his lap. 

“I’m lighting up the grill and there’s no way I’m letting your old man touch it.” 

Dante turned around to wave at his daughter with both hands, animatedly trying to catch her attention. 

“See ya, daddy’s going to flip some burgers.” 

And he was gone. Great. 

Nero held the soft, powder-scented baby girl in his hands, concerned for her every move against him. 

“H-hey.” She stared at him, a binky in her mouth. 

Nero noticed she was rather heavy, despite her small body. Dense, almost. 

The little one gurgled, arms waving about. 

“Buh!” 

“I’m Nero. I’m your cousin.” 

“Abababa.” 

The TV was on in the background, the baby ignorant of the football game. She seemed okay in his lap, staring at him with those complacent blue eyes. 

There was a curiosity to her, lidded gaze at this new stranger. Nero had been around once and a while before she could really remember him. This hesitancy that he wasn’t part of the room, not wanting to intrude on this new family Dante made for himself. 

She was very soft, Nero’s finger stroking her cheek. Her own hand gripped his own, thumb stroking his nail. It was a color unlike her own, black polish chipped on the edges. 

“My girlfriend painted them.” Nero wanted to explain. But what did it matter? She likely didn’t understand. 

She had a sturdy grip for a baby, trying to pick off where she could see his natural nail tone. She clearly hadn’t had her own nails trimmed for some time. Nero let her, not knowing what else to do. 

He noticed there were toys on the sides of the couch, clearly shoved aside haphazardly. Where beer cans once littered the DMC shop, had baby toys replaced its territory. 

“So...what do you do for fun?” Nero asked, stretching over the take a baby rattle. A hollow rattle from inside the plastic toy did a number on the baby’s amusement, the pacifier nearly popping out of her mouth. 

“Ah!” 

She snatched it from his hand, shaking it for herself. 

Nero knows his strength and even though he is more than capable of holding the baby, he also doesn’t want to upset the child in any way. 

Dante’s daughter is like him, very playful and friendly. She’s very clingy to her father but can get along with most folk. 

The older cousin sits not knowing what to do with a baby that clearly wants to play with him, grabbing onto his red shirt and trying to snatch his necklace. 

He remembers one time Dante bouncing his leg with her sitting on it, playing “horse and cowboy.” He copies, the baby delighted in the repetitive motion, gurgling and showing a few pearly teeth. The two younger Spardas don’t notice you and Kyrie popping in from the corner between cooking dinner to watch the bonding. 

Time passed so quickly, Nero finding himself smiling at the few hours he had watching over the little girl. 

Once everything from the grill was brought back in, Dante came back to his nephew cradling his slumped daughter. 

The older Sparda sat down, shaggy hair pulled back with a pink hair tie he happened to have in his pocket, most likely meant for his little girl’s unruly hair. 

“So, I see you and devil girl are getting along.” 

Nero scoffed. 

“Yeah, right after you tossed her at me. She was alright, had a lot of fun before she knocked out.” 

Dante nodded, poking her cheek with his pointer finger. She twitched, white eyebrow jolting slightly. He chuckled, her little chubby hands rolled into fists in her slumber. 

“You know, Nero. It’s pretty fun to be a dad. I mean, I didn’t have to push this little melon head out, that was (Y/N)’s short end of the stick.” Dante gave his daughter a loving glance, who dozed against Nero. 

“I wasn’t really around babies growing up. Wasn’t great with people my age anyways.” 

“Don’t worry, me neither. You know how many times I probably kicked Vergil in the womb?” His uncle elbowed him jokingly, Nero dodging to avoid waking up the baby. 

Nero laughed at the idea of two feuding fetuses. 

“Well, you two aren’t exactly peas in a pod.” Dante shrugged, agreeing. 

“That’s for damn sure. But trust me, I think you and her have a lot in common.” Nero raised an eyebrow at that comment. 

“How so? Besides, you know.” He gestured to his and Dante’s hair. Dante looked at the staticky TV, this honest and genuine stare only a man who finally had peace could give. 

“You two bring the rest of us together.” 

Nero stilled, not knowing what to say. The years of being alone, raised in an orphanage, ostracized and left to believe he had no one of blood, never being warm by the arms of a mother, had left him foreign to this. This belonging. This familial purpose. 

To be wanted. 

Nero watched as the baby stiffened up before slowly stretching awake, yawning to show her teething gums. She rubbed those round hands against her eyes, blearily exposed to the eyes of her adoring father and cousin. 

Just in time before both men had to sit in their respective emotionally vulnerable, contemplative yet awkward silences 

“Hey there, kiddo. Want to come to Papa?” A few wispy strands loose from her headband were stuck to her face, slightly dazed and confused. 

Dante clapped his hands at her, offering to hold her again. She shook her head, nustling her head on Nero’s chest. Either by coincidence or infantile smugness, her two hands rested over each other to cushion her head as she glanced at Dante, almost to say “No, I’m alright here.” 

“I guess I’m her favorite now.” 

“Way to be ride or die, sweet child of mine.” He sighed, shaking his head. 

Nero and Dante played with the awakened baby until they were called for, you taking the baby who reached out for your touch. 

The food smelled amazing, a full spread on the table just enough for everyone to pull a seat up. Dante speed-walked to the last wooden chair, Vergil deprived of a proper seat, sitting a bit shorter than everyone else in a spare plastic one. 

Nero moved to sit next to Kyrie, when the youngest Sparda began to fuss a table across, pointing to him and yelling incoherently. 

“Do you want to sit with Nero?” You asked, your little one shaking her head. 

You looked across to notice Nero had already taken his plate to get up, ready to switch seats with you. 

Dante and Vergil shared a smile over this, pleased their children got along despite the years apart they were. 

Although it took a long time, the Spardas finally got the privilege to sit together and exist as a family. 

[iwantitiwriteit]

Slow Burn: Act I - Part 1

The Meet Cute - Part 1

Pairing: Chris Evans x Famous!Reader

Summary: You meet Chris Evans at a rooftop, industry party in New York, but will your awkwardness ruin the night?

Warnings: Profanity, Sexual connotations, but overall fluff

Notes: Please check out the moodboard + music specially curated to go with this part!

Expensive, rooftop kickback. Ice-cold beer in hand. Film industry tastemakers and Top 40 hits to soundtrack it all. It should be an ideal way to end one of the last few days of summer. And yet, Chris couldn’t help but feel out of sorts. He is a, rather THE, fun-loving party guy. But tonight, he just wasn’t feeling it. He was in a funk, and didn’t know the reason for it.

Could it be the fact he turned another year older a little over a month ago? No, I’m grateful for the blessing of aging.

Could it be that he didn’t care to be around the people in this party? That’s not it. Yeah it’s a bunch of industry schmucks, but Mackie and Scott are here; those are my boys! We always have a great time.

It could very well be a case of “the breakup blues”, as Scott puts it. Hardly, we didn’t even exchange ‘I love you’s’. It’s hardly a breakup if it wasn’t even love… right?

Chris shrugged to himself as he tuned back into the conversation around him. But as he got himself up to speed, he wished he hadn’t.

“So I have this friend I think you should meet, Chris. real cool girl. I’m not saying she’s the “perfect match” or that you should even go on a date, but you never know… y’all should just meet,” Anthony says in as neutral a tone he can muster. Aw shit, here we go again.

When Chris doesn’t give him a reaction, Scott too, tries to maintain some neutrality when asking, “Oh, really?? Tell us about her, why don’t you?” Jeez, these two.

“Well, she’s hella artsy, a creative type, if you will.”

Chris decides to patronize them, asking, “Yeah? What’s she do?”

“She’s a… uh… musician!” Scott answers, clearly excited by his brother’s minute show of interest, but realizes he’s shown their hand.

Chris raises an eyebrow to his younger brother. “So you know her too?”

“Yeah… I mean I don’t know her super well, but I met her recently… through Mackie.” Not a complete lie.

That’s… actually different. They’re always trying to set me up entrepreneurs who want me to throw money at their lip gloss business after the second date. Or worse, influencers, who are overly concerned with their “brand” and make me wait to eat while she takes pictures of the food so her “feed can also be fed”. Sheesh. But a musician, a fellow artist, could be different… “That’s cool, what kind of music?”

“It’s like alternative pop,” Scott answers, hoping to keep his brother’s attention in the subject.

“And that is …”

“…like, mostly pop, but it’s got a little bit of everything.”

“Right… what ever happened to ‘keeping shit simple’?” Chris states more than asks, as he takes a swig of his beer.

“You sound like an old man,” Scott quips, to which Chris playfully flips him off.

“ANYWAYS,” Anthony attempts to get the conversation back on track, “she’s also very intelligent, funny, youthful…”

“Youthful, huh? How old is she?”

“She’s… ya’know… young at heart… and on paper…”

“Bro, how old is she??”

“Twenty-- ”

“Let me stop you right there, ‘cos wow! I see how it is!” Outwardly, Chris feigns offense, but inwardly he’s just planning an escape from this conversation.

“You see me: a damn-near middle-age man; no wife, no kids, no GIRLFRIEND, and think I’m looking to “just meet” someone 10+ years younger than me? You think I’m looking to start my mid-life crisis or something? Yeah, thanks, but no thanks. I’m out this bitch!” Chris over-dramatically scoffs, throws his hands up and rolls his eyes. As he wanders inside away from them, he laughs to himself at their antics.

“C’mon man! We’re just looking out for you!” Anthony shouts after him.

And it’s true: He knows they mean well, but the constant hovering over and hand holding of his love life is getting to be… suffocating. Chris wants to meet someone without pressure or pretense. He wants someone real, someTHING real. But more than anything right now, he wants to be left alone about it. Huh, guess I found the reason for my funk.

——————————————————————————

Having just come from an incredible writing session, you’d somewhat forgotten you’d been invited to “schmooze” some Hollywood types. You arrive to the party well into the evening, around 10:30 pm or so. Enough time to ‘schmooze’ and get the hell out. God, I HATE ass kissing… If it were up to you, you wouldn’t be here tonight, but Anthony and Scott were persistent on getting you out.

You hadn’t bothered changing your outfit cos it was comfortable + cute + completely party ready, in your humble opinion, but the disapproving looks from a couple of bougie Bettys by the in-door bar didn’t go unnoticed. I really couldn’t care less. I just collaborated with one of my most faviorite writers EVER for Mackie’s movie!

Your name sounds off in the near distance. It’s a couple of your co-stars, Ansel and Jaden. You’d met them previously at a Vanity Fair party about a year ago. They’d each been publicly supportive of your work and you’d been *platonically* in each of their DMs, but they’re both no more than acquaintances.

Chatting to them for a bit, there’s introductions to the preexisting group, some of whom seem a little star struck, or maybe taken aback by your attire? It’s getting harder for me to read people nowadays. 

You ask them where Scott and Mackie are, seeing as the former invited you here and the latter is a good friend of yours. Ansel points you in a general direction, and you thank him before you head that way.

The indoor dining and lounge area open up to a large, open-air, rooftop patio. It’s packed with film industry folk; A-list to up-and-coming, like yourself. You’re not exactly sure what the celebration is, just that Scott & Mackie insisted that you show your face, rub eblows, but most importantly, let loose for once; seeing as you are making your break into acting this year. A much needed change of pace from your usual work.

‘Japan’ by Famous Dex is playing as you sneak up behind an unexpecting Scott. Taking him by the hips from behind, you sway to the beat with your pelvis to his backside. To your amusement, he’s visibly startled and turns around, his face changing from “WTF?!” to “OMG!!” when he sees you. You don’t stop dancing, but instead get a little more raunchy as Scott joins in with you. You share a laugh, hug and air kiss.

“Let me stop. I’m not using all my moves on you tonight!”

“That’s too bad, but maybe we can find someone for you to use them on,” he replies with a wink. You playfully roll your eyes and swat at his arm. Yeah, highly doubt it. Not what I’m here for, anyways.

"How ya doing Kid? How was the writing sesh?” Mackie asked while being a little distracted with texting. You assumed it was for work because usually Anthony was a very present individual. Not only was he in the movie, but he was a producer, and you figured he hadn’t turned that part of himself off even though he was at a party.

You started to gush about the session, the collaboration, how that one part “just came together” when… oh my fucking gawd.

“Hey Kid, I want you to meet my good friend—“

“He was my brother before he was your friend!”

“Wow, really you guys?”

Mackie finishes introducing you to Chris Evans. Chris motherfucking Evans. You wonder if he’d always been standing there or if he just walked over, because you didn’t notice him before. You shake hands, and get a little shy now, hoping it wasn’t noticeable. Chris plasters on a polite, but fake smile. Shit. He can see the fangirl in my eyes!! Get a grip sis!

“So... how do you know these two?” Chris motions left then right, from Scott to Anthony.

“Uh... um... movie.” You nod as if you’re trying to convince not only Chris, but yourself, that you just gave an adequate answer.

“What she means is that she’s a part of the movie Mackie and I are doing.”

“Oh, alright cool, cool. What do you do?”

“Well, I’m a sing--”

“SINGle actress! She’s very single, and very much an actress,” Anthony looks at you with widened eyes as he nods his head slowly, like you bumped your head and forgot what you do. What’s up with him?

“Um, yeah, I have a supporting role, which is more than enough for my intro to the silver screen.”

“Your first movie? Congrats! You’re in good hands with these guys on set with you. Just remember--”

“Stay away from bananas?” The words tumbled out of your mouth before you could stop them. Wow. No one makes a move in the awkward air you set. You just made a reference to his somewhat embarrassing-- yet very comical-- film debut. You dummy!

“I’m so sor—”

“No. No, no don’t. It’s, uh... fine,” he says, half laughing. You all return to awkward silence, with Chris looking off into the distance, pretending to wave at someone so he can plan an escape for the second time tonight. You’re too busy studying the ground and mentally kicking yourself for your stupidity to notice Scott and Anthony, panicked looks on their faces and gesturing to the other to “do something” to save this train wreck of a conversation. Anthony decides to break the silence.

“Yo Kid, Lemme see your hand.”

“My hand? Why?”

“Just let me see it!” 

Your hand is guided to Chris’ clothed, taut pec by Anthony.

“Feel that? Good stuff, right? Soft to the touch, yet strong and dependable. But most importantly, makes ya feel real good in bed.” No he didn’t just say that!!

Chris mouths a ‘wow’ with raised brows, and you cautiously take back your hand, slightly bewildered *but not really* by Anthony’s boldness. Anthony still holds on to your hand lightly.

“What man? It’s Egyptian cotton! I don’t mean to embarrass ya!”

“Somehow, I think you do,” Chris chuckles while he takes a swig of his beer, eyeing you tentatively. You can’t bring yourself to make eye contact with him, and just fix your eyes straight ahead. I’m literally staring at a wall... of muscle.

“Look, let me see your hand.”

“Hey, hey! He ain’t stroking my chest; it is NOT that kind of party… gotta at least take me to dinner first.” You whisper the last part, but Chris still catches it and laughs at your quip. The tension in your shoulders eases up some, but only a little, not trusting yourself to get too comfortable.

“Just trust me!” Anthony whines at you.

“Last time I “just trusted you” Mackie, I ended up fleeing a pack of angry ducks… I still have the scar!”

“Wait, wha—“

Mackie brought yours and Chris’ hands together for his large hand to hold your smaller one, and there was… electricity?

“Isn’t that the softest hand you ever felt? What do you use?”

“Uh… Shea butter.”

“Yeah, that’ll do it! Oh won’t you look at that. Her ring finger is naked, hm… and look at how good she looks in white!” Nope, just more awkwardness.

You share an embarrassed smile and glance away from each other while each of your hands gently fall back to your sides.

“Leave it to Mackie to be subtle…” Scott intervenes, “Well! Now that all the cool kids are here, why don’t you, Chris, take our lovely friend here over to the bar to get a drink so we can get this party started!”

——————————————————————————

Silence settles over you and Chris at the busy bar as you wait for the bartender to service you. It’s not necessarily awkward, but definitely not comfortable. You take this moment to breathe in the New York air to soothe your nerves, while also starkly avoiding eye contact with the handsome devil to your left. But after a while, you decide to take the lead with small talk.

“Hey... I am SUPER sorry about my ‘banana’ joke earlier. I didn’t mean to--”

“Stop. It’s fine, really. Don’t beat yourself up about it.” You exhale a little at his words, relieved you didn't offend him. “I’m the one who should say ‘sorry’... I normally laugh at jokes about myself.”

“Then why didn’t you? You left me hanging out there!” He chuckles a bit as he sips his beer. Now it’s his turn to exhale.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Nope.”

“Ok, that’s, uh… cool.” Chris side glances at you, finding your nervous energy amusing... and endearing. He decides to mess with you a little.

“So, how long have you been acting?”

“Oh, uh... not that long. I’ve done a few things here and there, but this is my first serious role.”

“Ok. And how long have you been single?” Realizing how that might’ve sounded suggestive, he attempts to backtrack. “I didn’t mean like-- just Mackie made mention-- I wasn’t like-- ‘s just trying to mess with you a little...” Well THAT backfired.

You couldn’t help but giggle at seeing him flustered. “I guess it’s my turn to say, ‘It’s fine’?” to this, Chris is visably relieved. “Yeah, I would also apologize for Mackie’s behavior, but you’ve known him longer than I have, so I’ll let you claim him when he acts like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like a meddling… muffdiver…?” you couldn’t think of anything good, but Chris laughs heartily at this. You can’t help but admire his strong, manly features as they melt into something reminiscent of a child. Head thrown back, clutching his chest, boisterous laughter booming from him. You can’t help but join him in laughing at your lame joke.

“So does this mean I owe you an apology?” He leans on the bar, looking every bit the yacht daddy and gives you a sly smirk. Is he… flirting?

“I guess so. I’m waiting…” you say, tapping your imaginary watch and a sly smirk of your own. Am I flirting??

“Well, tough luck… ‘Kid’. You’ll be waiting forever. I’m not apologizing for shit Mackie does cos he’s my amazing friend who I’ll always ‘claim’ and love unconditionally… even if he acts like a ‘meddling muffdiver’.”

“First of all: aww! That was very bromantic of you.” Chris chuckles at your unique term, making a mental note to use it sometime. It’s cute. Like her smile…

“And Secondly?”

“Secondly… I’ve only begrudgingly given Mackie permission to call me ‘Kid’.”

“Why’s that?”

“I guess… Cos he’s like an uncle to me, and you gotta let him have some things,” you laugh to yourself thinking of your relationship with Anthony.

“But don’t let the nickname fool ya!” You continued, “I’m a grown ass woman, at a grown ass party, ready to have some fun, and shake my grown ass… “

“Ass?” You both pause for a moment before bursting into laughter. It’s great to laugh with someone like this…

“I’ll admit: I didn’t think about where that line of ranting would land.” You both take a brief moment to take each other in. Looking at him while he’s looking at you starts to make your face feel hot, so you break the silence.

“So… what are we celebrating tonight? I’m kinda new to this scene,”

“You know what, I don’t even know what. I was invited by a few different people, each with their own reasons for coming. So, anything really. ”

You’re finally served your drinks and make the short walk back over to Anthony and Scott. When you reached them you raised your glass to signal you were making a toast.

“Well, here’s to good health, good company, endless creativity, and, and…”

“Grown-ass asses!” Chris finishes for you.

“Amen! Salud!” You all clinked drinks, but Mackie and Scott were confused by the last bit.

“You had to be there,” Chris answered with a wink in your direction when they inquired. You blushed slightly, never more thankful for your melanin to cover it up.

Mackie and Scott looked between you and Chris, confusion etched on their faces, as you’d only been alone for all of 5 minutes. They resolved into knowing, satisfied looks between each other.

This goes unnoticed by you and Chris. The pair of you start talking about the movie that you’re starting next month with his brother and friend.

This turns into talking about how you met them, more laughter, some refilled drinks, more conversation, then light touches to arms and hands. The touches were unintentional, but welcomed by both of you, leading to lots of coy smiles and lingering looks. Tonight might not be so bad after all…

Part 2

[babbushka]

May I please get some Flip fluff? I love your touchy feely cuddly begrudgingly adorable grouch! No specific ideas, but just some fun Flip fluff! Thank you 💘

Anonymous said: Good morning, Miss Z! May I please have some playful, romantic, fluffiness with either Mob!Kylo or Flip? I appreciate you’re being so generous with your writing!

“Ketsl? Honey, I’m home.” He calls as he opens the front door, and not two seconds pass before you’re practically jumping him, wrapping your arms in a big hug around his shoulders.

“Flip!” You’re so happy to see him, and that happiness is infectious, contagious, he can’t help but pick you up and spin around in a circle as you laugh and beam at him, pressing a big smacking smooch right to his lip. He puts you down, but doesn’t let go of you, and your eyes are bright when you grin out, “Hi honey! What are you doing here so early? I was just about to put together your lunch.”

“Bridges gave me the rest of the day off, it’s slow at the station, and I got all my paperwork done.” Flip tucks some of your hair behind your ear from where it got all mussed up in the excitement, and he leans down to kiss at your smile, asking, “Let me take you to the diner? It’s been a hot minute since we split a milkshake.”

“I’d love that.” You nod straight away, “Let me just put on some shoes.”

Flip drives you both in the Chevy down to the diner, one of those places that hasn’t changed since the ‘50s. He remembers taking you here just about every Friday night after his shifts at the lumbermill, has nothing but fond memories of dipping french fries into a chocolate shake and you playfully biting his fingers as he feeds them to you. A lot’s happened at this diner, at this fixture of the town. He’s held you while you cried here, he’s laughed with you here, he’s kissed you here.

Flip smacks at your hand when you try to open the front door to the place, opening it for you instead in a way that has you smiling and bumping your hip against his playfully as he lets you inside first. Right away, the familiar host brightens up and comes around the little counter to give you both greeting hugs. 

“Phil! (Y/N)! Good to see you both again, how’s it goin’?” He asks, a kindly older man who’s been the owner, manager, and host of the diner since before Flip could remember.

“Pretty good David, pretty good. Sorry we haven’t stopped by in a while, but is there any way we could have our booth?” Flip hugs him and gives him a hearty handshake after you kiss his cheek like an old friend, because really, he was.

“Nah don’t apologize, I know you folks are busy living your lives. Lucky for you that’s the one booth we ain’t got filled up. Right this way.” David returns the handshake and beckons you both to follow him.

The diner’s perfectly classic, with its red and white coca-cola motif, black checkerboard flooring and neon. He feels twenty-five again when he slides into one side of the booth, you sitting across from him and immediately nudging the side of your heel against his cowboy boot, a playfully sweet gesture that he’s not so sure you even realize you’re doing, as you look up at David.

“Can we just get the usual, please?” You ask, and Flip can’t stop staring at you, can’t stop lookin’ at how pretty you are, how radiant your smile is.

“I’d be shocked if you asked for anything else.” David winks, before walking away back to the kitchen to give the order. “One Zimmerman Special, comin’ right up!”

Neither of you knew when it became the Zimmerman Special, but over the years somehow it had. A chocolate shake and two sandwiches with a big basket of fries; the sandwiches you always ordered every time you came, sandwiches that only come in pairs, never separate always together, the way he wishes you could always be. 

It had been a good couple weeks since Flip was home early enough for a trip to the diner for lunch -- or even early enough for a trip for dinner -- but no matter the time of day, every time you both came you ordered the same thing.

It’s surreal to be here now, at almost forty, with you as his wife instead of just his best friend who he was more in love with than anything in the world. He strikes up a cigarette and breathes it in nice and deep, letting out a happy little hum as he fishes out a stray coin from his pocket.

“Want to listen to something off the jukebox? I’ve got a nickel.” He flashes you the coin, and you bite your lip happily, practically buzzing at the thought.

“Yeah, put something light on, I want to dance with you.” You smile at him dreamily, practically pushing him out of the booth with a little laugh.

“Oy here?” He grimaces, looking around at the packed diner. It was good to see the place getting excellent business, but that meant too many pairs of eyes to draw attention.

“No, outside – yes here honey.” You clasp your hands under your chin and bat your lashes, “Please?”

“Alright alright.” He sighs, and you look like the cat that got the cream, he can never say no to you, not that he ever wants to, “But don’t go making fun of me.”

You only nudge him again, and he huffs out a laugh and puffs his cigarette on his way over to the jukebox. The jukebox is one play for a nickel, or three songs for a dime, so he decides to just chuck a dime in and queue up some fun music that will hopefully get your feet movin’. He spares a glance back to you when the first track comes up, an Aretha Franklin song that he knows you adore, and you’re already getting out of the booth to go join him on the checkerboard floor.

You’re not the only one -- at the sound of her incredible voice, Flip watches as couples young and old decide what the hell, they could use a dance of their own. He pulls you right in close and twirls you slowly, slow and thick like honey as you move to the music, swaying your hips.

“I love you.” You kiss the corner of his mouth around his cigarette, and he hums out a small chuckle, getting his fill of you.

“The things I do for you ketsl, the things I do.” He clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, pinches at your nose and gives your face a little shake as you grin, so smug.

“Oh shut up you love it, you love everyone seeing how I look at you.” You tease him, but he just rolls his eyes.

“Spin for me, would ya?” The corners of his mouth tick up, the barest hint of a smile as you do just that.

And when the music dies down, the next track filling the air, you both realize that your food has just been placed on the table, and you go back to the booth to toss fries into each other’s mouths, a tradition a decade in the making, so in love.

[introvert-no-chameleon]

Chapter 2: Monstrous Consequences

I almost forgot to put the text version on Tumblr! 

Here’s chapter 2 of Of Monsters and McGuckets. The next chapter will probably be a big one, since I have a better idea where the story is going now, so it might take longer than just a couple of days for me to write and edit. 

Don’t worry, folks. I fully plan on seeing this fic through. 

Chapter 1 on Tumblr, if you don’t use/like Archive of Our Own.

Fiddleford usually made a point to ignore the way the Pines brothers acted on the rare occasions where they all shared a meal, despite the offense it was to his Southern upbringing. His Ma would’ve slapped him across the head if he didn’t chew with his mouth closed or say grace before every meal (a habit he kept even long after he stopped going to church).

He’d hate to imagine what she’d do if he ever ate like his two housemates. Stanley paid as much mind to table manners as he did the law, which was none. Sometimes he’d chew with his mouth open just to tick Fiddleford off, and even go as far as putting his muddy boots on the table if he really wanted to get a rise out of his boyfriend. On the other end of the spectrum sat Stanford, who either inhaled his food in a hurry to get back to his research or left it on his plate until it got too cold to eat while he made field notes.

Yet even those memories were not nearly as bad as the scene unfolding in front of him. Stanford had his paws splayed on the table, his face shoved on to his plate. Egg and grease smeared all over his mouth, and Stanford didn’t seem to notice. The silverware lay unused next to Stanford’s plate, jingling whenever he shifted to get a better angle.

Fiddleford held the edge of the table in a death grip to prevent his employer from tipping it over, and only for that reason. It certainly wasn’t because he was getting very uncomfortable staring at those large, powerful jaws rip into his bacon with a growl, while he held it in place with one paw, like a lion would, he imagined, tear into a dead gazelle. Nor did it have anything to do with the earlier, far too casual comment about Stanford wanting to maul things.

Not at all. If Fiddleford happened to take a big gulp of coffee that felt like tar coming down his throat, that was just because of something else.

He took a chance to see how Stanley was doing. His boyfriend poked at his food with the edge of a claw, and Fiddleford wondered if he could even eat, or if he needed to in this form. Just as he meant to ask, Stan chewed his bacon, shrugged, tipped the contents inside his mouth, and swallowed his entire breakfast and the ceramic plate with a loud crunch. And burped afterward.

Fiddleford quietly sipped the rest of his coffee for the remainder of the meal and made a note to avoid eating with them until they got turned back to normal.

After the ordeal that was breakfast, they finally began retracing their steps to the lake. The woods in Gravity Falls managed to have an underlying, buzzing energy to it. It felt as if everything, even the trees themselves, were teeming with life, a fact that used to fill Fiddleford with wonderment. However, as he became aware of the fact that not everything in the forest was as keen as respecting sentient life as he was, that excitement got replaced by the kind of dread that settled heavy on his shoulders and wouldn't be shaken off until he was back in the safety of their home.

Stanford was excitedly talking about the notes he’d just made as they walked. Even with his ever-present anxiety, Fiddleford still found himself listening to what little they knew of their most recent discovery.

“I’ve decided to call the mysterious liquid in the lake Fluvius Cantatis,” said Stanford, ducking under a branch. “Judging by the fact that I saw a few deer drink from the lake and suffer no outward symptoms, I’m guessing the water only affects humans.”

Stanley walked right through the branch, snapping it by just walking into it. The man didn’t flinch. Heck, Fiddleford would be surprised if he’d noticed it.

“That’s mighty interestin’,” said Fiddleford. “Perhaps the water’s been enchanted? Or…cursed?” He shuddered at the thought. If exploring Gravity Falls had taught him anything, it was that curses were stubborn, tricky things that weren’t dealt with so easily.

“Both are a possibility,” said Stanford, nonplussed. “If it was, indeed, enchanted, then there’s a good chance that we may be able to figure it out with some study. I’ve learned a few spells from the walls of that cavern we explored while finding Mothman, so it may help us get back to normal.”

“I sure hope so,” said Fiddleford. “There ain’t no tellin’ what might happen if ya stay like this too long.”

“Yeah, like how I’m going to use the toilet when I’m a giant rock,” said Stanley with a smirk.

Stanford rolled his eyes and continued forward.

“Don’t be crude, Stanley,” said Fiddleford.

The gargoyle shrugged. “Just tryin’ to lighten the mood.” He noticed Fiddleford adjust his backpack for the third time in the last minute. “You, uh, need help there, Fidds?”

“If yer careful,” he said, placing the heavy bag on the ground. Now that he was free of the weight, his shoulders began to ache something awful. Fiddleford cracked his back as he straightened up, groaning. For the fourth time that week, he thought about finally getting around to making that appointment with the town chiropractor.

“Jeez, what’re you carrying in this thing?” Stanley picked up the pack and flipped the top open.

Inside were two pairs of thick rubber gloves, a few beakers wrapped in bubble wrap, metal tongues, a thermometer, glass jars with lids and an entire hazmat suit that Stanley had “borrowed” from some godforsaken government facility one night he and Stanford had gotten while drunk out of their minds. (Those were the only details he'd been given in regards to what went down that night, and after careful consideration, Fiddleford decided that it was probably for the best that it stayed that way).

Stanley raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “A bit much, dontcha think?”

Fiddleford huffed. “One of us has to be careful. That lake don’t sit right with me, an’ it’s better if one of us isn’t affected by whatever yer afflictions are.”

Stanley swung the backpack over one shoulder.  “Relax, I’m pretty sure ya gotta bathe in this stuff for it to do anything. Me an’ Ford jumped right into it.”

“We don’t know that,” said Fiddleford. “An’ I don’t want to take any chances.”

Stanley cast a glance at his brother, who was walking ahead of them, focusing on re-discovering the path they’d went on yesterday. He put a hand on Fiddleford’s shoulder. Even with Stanley being as gentle as could be, the weight of his hand felt crushing. He sucked in a breath.

“Sorry! Shit, I didn’t mean—”

“I-it’s okay. Yer just stronger than usual, s’all.”

Stanley’s joints made a grinding sound as he retracted his hand and let it fall by his side. He cleared his throat. “Look, I’m right here whatever happens, alright? And uh,” He cleared his throat. “If Ford gets carried away, just let me know and I’ll wrestle him back to the shack with us if I haveta.”

“I-I may frighten easy, but there’s no need to be tip-toeing around me as if I’m some sorta newborn kitten.” He forced himself to fake what he’d hoped looked like a reassuring smile.

Stanley frowned, and Fiddleford didn’t need a magic spell to know that the man disagreed. “Look, Fidds. I guess we haven’t really talked about this, an’ this might not be the best place to have this conversation, but…I can’t help but notice you’ve been more on edge lately.”

The way he said those things made the Southern man bristle. He crossed his arms. “I don’t follow.” Fiddleford’s tone was about as inviting as a grizzly bear in a picnic. “Whatever happened to me bein’ more assertive?”

“Hey, I meant that. But…” Stan rubbed the back of his neck. The friction made a grinding sound that only served to worsen Fiddleford’s nerves. “Fidds. Come on. You jump outta your seat if you so much as see a gnome—”

“Those little devils kidnapped me, if ya haven’t forgotten!”

Stanley winced, probably remembering the “Gnome Incident”, as they all called it. It was a sore subject for Fiddleford. Not only did he get mistaken for a woman, but he also ended up getting dragged halfway through the forest by an army of small but astonishingly strong men while tied up like a hog. When Stanley and Stanford came to help after at least a half-hour of humiliation, they’d gotten so many bite marks and bruises from the whole rescue mission that they’d almost considered going to the hospital. The remaining shred of their dignities had been the only reason they hadn’t.

As if that all hadn’t been bad enough, the ropes had left some nasty cuts on Fiddleford’s wrists and ankles. It took weeks for them to heal, and to this day Stanley would still punt away any gnomes that were unfortunate enough to be in Fiddleford’s vicinity.

“Yeah, that’s my point. You’ve just been more jumpy, and…” Stanley seemed to be struggling to get the words out of his mouth. He was squirming where he stood.

In other circumstances, Fiddleford wouldn’t have given him such a hard time. Stan was being more open with his emotions, and that wasn’t easy for him. The young scientist just wished it hadn’t been this particular subject he’d decided to be open about. “An’ what?”

“Look, I’m getting’ kinda worried. You looked like you were about to have a heart attack this mornin’ when we came to the shack.”

Fiddleford set his jaw. “Is that what this mornin’ was? Ya thought that I’d still have my tail stuck between mah legs even after I knew it was you?” He hadn’t expected his anxiety to be so obvious, and now that he knew it was, it was like having someone tear his clothes off in the middle of the town. “Well, excuse me for exercisin’ some caution!”

Stan raised his hands at him, defensively. “Hey, that ain’t what I meant.”

Fiddleford squared his shoulders. “You think that just ‘cause I’m not as well-adjusted to this town’s strangeness as the two of ya, I should just stay inside and have my nose in a book or tinkerin’ away while ya and yer brother do all the dangerous work!”

In actuality, the thought of him doing just that appealed to him greatly, but he wasn’t about to admit that. “I’ll have ya know, I’m an inventor! I’ve made things that could fry a man in two flicks of a lamb’s tail!”

Stanley’s brows furrowed. “I have…no idea what that means.”

“It means, Stanley, that I ain’t some dainty thing that ya need to protect. I’m a grown man with a son of mine own, and I’m more than capable of lookin’ after myself!”

“Fidds, come on! Don’t be like that!”

But Fiddleford had stomped past Stanley, keeping his gaze straight ahead. He caught up with Stanford, who had just came across a couple of bushes that Fiddleford assumed concealed the entrance to the lake.

“Ah, perfect,” said Stanford, blissfully unaware of the tension between Fiddleford and Stanley (business as usual, then). “It’s right past here. Allow Stanley and I to go first. After all, we have already been exposed, and there’s—”

That was it. Fiddleford walked ahead, ignoring whatever was about to come out of Stanford’s mouth. Which was not, he quickly realized, an intelligent thing to do, as his next step sent him sliding down a steep dirt slope that had no business being there.

The twins called his name somewhere behind him, but it was too late. He was tumbling down, the world a blur of browns and greens. He inhaled some dirt and coughed in a vain attempt to clear his burning lungs. Just as he thought he’d be doing this forever, he splashed into a body of knee-deep water and stopped moving.

And now there he was, on his hands and knees, looking like a right fool, in front of his boss and boyfriend, no less. He sighed, bringing a shaky hand to his face, staring down at his reflection. The water had a strange purple hue. Wasn’t that just his luck that he wiped his face with water that had probably been contaminated or—

“Oh,” he said, staring at his palms. The skin began to tingle, glowing with a soft purple light. “Shit.”

A headache that felt as if the Devil Himself had just driven spikes into Fiddleford’s head had him doubling over. The pain was strongest on the left and right sides of his skull. His legs ached, and his feet felt numb. He watched with detached, morbid fascination as they broke through his shoes and got longer, until he was staring, slack-jawed at a set of rabbit feet. He wiggled the toes, his brain still struggling to process his new, horrifying reality.

The entire bottom half of him was part hare, tufts of chestnut brown fur poking out of the waistline of his now torn-up pants. He tried standing up, gasping as his head swung back, heavier than he’d ever remembered it being. He quickly held it in place with his (thank goodness!) human hands. Licking his lips, he brought his hands up to the top of his head. His fingers caressed what felt an awful lot like two large antlers, and a pair of rabbit ears.

A jackalope. He was a jackalope.

Of all the things, of all the mythological creatures in all of existence, he was a goddamn hare with antlers, because life had decided that Fiddleford McGucket hadn’t suffered enough today. The only solace he found was the fact that his face was still human, if the reflection of the lake was anything to go by, which was at least something. He’d probably drown himself right then and there if he had a rabbit nose or some other nonsense like that.

Fiddleford dragged himself out of the lake. The water didn’t drip or fall off his skin. Instead, his body seemed to absorb it. That wasn’t worrying at all.

“Fidds, are you okay? Shit, hold on, I’m almost there!”

Stanley skid down the slope and ran towards him. His wings were raised off the ground so he could run without tripping over them, and his eyes glowed more intensely than he’d seen them yet. Stanford wasn’t far behind, his wings occasionally flapping to help him keep his balance.

The usual sense of relief he’d get whenever Stanley came to his aid was, to his increasing concern, being overrun by something else. It was like somebody had flipped a switch inside of him, activating a strong, fight-or-flight instinct that Fiddleford couldn’t ignore even if he wanted to.

Suddenly, his mind didn’t see Stanley Pines, his beloved partner, and Stanford Pines, his good friend and employer. All he could take in were teeth and jaws and claws that could gut a creature like himself in seconds. This new instinct was worse than any panic attack he’d ever had, his throat tightening, his breathing labored, his head throbbing, seemingly taking over his own body, which began to move as if on its own accord.

He ran back in the woods, getting as far away from Stanley as his legs would carry him, which turned out to be incredibly far, incredibly fast. His heart thumped against his chest as he kept moving forward, crashing through bushes, any coherent thought was far gone, replaced with the need to get away now.

Had he been in his right mind, he’d have noticed Stanley’s big, heartbroken eyes on his back until he was out of sight, swallowed up by Gravity Falls’ forest.

*

Stanford caught up to Stanley just as the latter watched his boyfriend run into the forest at a pace that would almost put Stan’s car to shame. He’d barely seen what Fiddleford had turned into after falling into the lake, but whatever it was looked like some weird bunny-thing that probably had little to no way to defend itself. Well, he guessed running like hell was a damn good way to defend oneself. Couldn’t argue with the results.

“Great.” Stanley held his head. “Just fuckin’ peachy.”

“That could have gone better,” said Stanford.

“You decide to become Captain Obvious today or somethin’?” snapped Stanley. He gestured towards the direction Fiddleford went. “How the fuck are we gonna find him?”

“Calm down, Stan. I have a plan.” Ford pushed his glasses up his nose. “Do you remember those microchips that Fiddleford made?”

Stanley stared at his brother as if he’d just started speaking another language. “Sixer, this ain’t time for your nerd talk, Fidds could get eaten by a mountain lion or bear if we don’t do somethin’!”

Ford glared at him. “This is why I’m bringing it up. Fiddleford it to help us track each other in the case that one of us gets abducted again.” Ford rummaged through the knapsack he always brought with him and pulled out a clunky metal remote with a glass screen. He turned it on. “Aha!”

“What?”

“It’s working magnificently! Fiddleford will be pleased to know that the remote has no problems picking up his signal.”

Stan loved his brother, he really did, but it was shit like his brother managing to be excited about some science gizmo while his friend was hopping around the woods in a panic that really tested his patience. “Yeah, I’m sure he’d also love to be alive to talk about it, so why don’t ya shut yer yap for five seconds so we can get him?”

Ford huffed. He stared back down at the screen. “He’s going towards the middle of the forest, so at least he isn’t near any caves.” He stopped talking, eyes widening. “We need to move. He’s coming across Manotaur territory.”

Stanley swore. “Then let’s go already!”

“Stan, you’re slower like this. You should let me—”

“Oh, hell no, Pointdexter. I’m not waitin’ here while you go off after him. He’s gonna freak out if he sees you alone.”

Ford opened his mouth, saw the expression that Stan had on his face, and let whatever stupid thing he was going to tell Stan, die. “Fine but try not to lose me. I’m going to have to…” He sighed. “Run on four legs.”

Even in his state of mind, Stanley couldn’t resist grinning. “Maybe this situation isn’t all bad.”

Ford took off his boot and threw it at his brother. It bounced off him. Stan didn’t even feel it.

“Fiddleford better be grateful for this,” muttered Ford as he freed himself of his other shoe and began to—there was no other word for it—gallop in the direction Fiddleford went.

Filing the mental image of his brother running around like a giant housecat for later, Stan lumbered behind him. He was determined to keep up, not wanting to waste more time.

[vaguely-gestures-to-the-void]

Hindsight: My thoughts on Loki (2021)

As always, thanks for being here my friends. There’s definitely more nuanced discussion of this show, but I’m here for the vibes. Anyways, here’s my thoughts on Episode 3 of Loki. Bear in mind I hadn’t watched episode 4 before I wrote the review for 3. No hate on anyone/thing, it’s all my opinion.

Episode 3: LAMENTIS

Pre-title scene

I rioted when I heard Hayley’s voice. It’s a win for all of us.

C-20! Sylvie!

C-20’s lil dance was adorable. I love her.

I want Sylvie’s tie dye.

Is that Ralph Bohner?

The same place, but at night. Coincidence? I think not.

Sylvie’s powers have limits. She can’t search someone’s mind and take information, she needs them to willingly tell her though she can use her powers to do that.

TVA

Sylvie’s experienced. Always tie your hair into a bun before a fight.

Her music is nothing like what we’ve heard previously. It’s the Sylvie show folks.

The mural on the left side of the hall is the one from the credits scene.

The plaque above the elevators says ‘FOR ALL TIME ALWAYS’.

Even in the mural on the right side, the Time Keepers aren’t equal, the middle one takes up the most space.

Ravonna!

I love how their movements are similar. The head-snap-hair-flip combo is nearly identical, reflecting how they are the same person to some extent.

2077 Lamentis - 1

“Get off my leg!” SiblingTM energy.

“Goodbye, variant.” She sure has the Loki drama.

I finally remembered it’s called a TemPad. Rip.

“Don’t ever call me that.”

“Tech savvy?”

That’s so Ragnarok.

I love the music as we pan up to the planet. It’s the familiar, anxiety-inducing ticking for me lads.

“You idiot! This is Lamentis - 1.”

“I don’t know what that means!”

My siblings when I can’t restart the router (every country has an AT&T).

I like that it’s a moon that’s inhabited. It’s nearly always the planet, still not great for the people on it.

That slide to get under the dump truck was so smooth.

“So we’re a team now?” Jesus Loki needs friends. Probably a good therapist too.

“Didn’t need your help!”

“You’re so weird!”

I like the way Tom runs. Don’t know why. Just do.

Sidenote, my favourite running form is Chris Evans’.

Sylvie’s magic flickered so I genuinely think the enchantment didn’t work.

“Well then I’ll cut it out.” I like the way she says that. I am questioning so many things rn.

“Just because I have to work with you doesn’t mean I wanna hear your voice.” It’s ironic since they spend so much time talking about themselves.

“Alright, well, slow down… Variant.” They really play off each other’s egos to find weaknesses.

“You don’t know what you want.” Sylvie’s more straightforward in everything she does. She efficiently points out Loki’s flaws but when it comes to a goal, she’s meticulous.

“...just walk away.” Loki stops walking, but Sylvie does walk away. There is distance between them (for now).

I’ve had experience with mining towns like this one and whilst they weren’t so out-of-this-world (ya know) there is a tendency for rural and isolated communities to struggle with old/not maintained infrastructure. This is not everywhere, but it’s not uncommon from what I know. Even though these towns are a source of wealth, there isn’t distribution of the money and it’s a grim reality that’s being shown. I appreciate it.

The shot of them walking past a slab of that planet towards the hut is incredible. Wow.

The person in there is just waiting for their death. I’m going to be addressing a lot of the harsh realities in this episode folks so it won’t be so cheerful.

I understand that people weren’t so happy with this being a filler episode, but I think they got it right. It’s strange that a literal planet-moon collision doesn’t bring the tension that the hurricane did in the last ep, but by having an atmosphere that wasn't so omnius, they conveyed (to me at least) that hope was already lost. In the Roxxcart Disaster, the people believed that it wasn’t going to be the end. There’s desperation on Lamentis - 1 but as Sylvie said, the collapse of society occurs. That’s a large group of people realising that class divides will cause slaughter. It’s greed portrayed in two different ways, one being the integration of excessive capitalism into society, the other being social structure based on oppression. Not everyone’s reading into Loki like this but it’s a change from how Marvel usually approaches conflict.

We learnt about the characters and whilst I’m not a fan of when a plot line is moot (my bet is that Loki and Sylvie will be rescued next ep, making all the attempts to get off Lamentis - 1 pointless), it’s necessary for the characters to develop. The way Loki and Sylvie end up on Lamentis - 1 makes sense and the plot doesn’t feel forced.

“It’s remarkable that you made it as far as you did.”

Devils is recurring in this episode. Maybe this has implications on future episodes?

“Which one was that, diplomacy?” Why are their interactions so funny?

I don’t think I need to comment on the significance of the train station scene.

I would like to acknowledge that though this is good writing that’s relevant in the time it was released, we shouldn’t forget it’s coming from large corporations who aren’t perfect.

How do they just walk past the line?

The people who snitched were right in front of them.

Did the cat get Loki’s silvertongue? That was the most graceless lying I’ve ever seen.

Sylvie not sitting with her back to a door makes sense, but why won’t Loki go backwards on a train? They both have little quirks.

“That’s not a plan. That’s just doing a thing.” Loki went to the Thor school of planning, it’s Get Help all over again.

Loki’s exaggerated nods at the other guards lol.

Sylvie growls whenever she’s mad, it’s hilarious.

The close ups of their faces when the conversation gets personal and isn’t just trading jabs is great for conveying the authenticity of their answers.

Loki not pressing Sylvie when she clearly didn’t want to talk about what happened to her mother is something I appreciated.

Here’s to Tom for having to do magic for more than 10 years now. He’s so serious, I can only imagine how funny it is without the effects.

“Well she did.” Yeesh, has Loki gotten time to grieve?

Sylvie is genuinely impressive.

“Pity the old woman chose to die.”

“She was in love.”

I don’t quite understand what they were talking about then, I guess we’ll find out later?

Loki, why are you so unnecessarily dramatic?

I laughed. Who am I kidding, they’re dorks and I love them.

Loki is trying to find out anything, anyone who could be used against Sylvie.

Here’s to the postman, they’re probably dead but we appreciate Sylvie’s happiness anyways.

“A bit of both. I suspect the same as you.” AND THAT’S HOW YOU WRITE IN REPRESENTATION FOLKS!

Let’s just take our scraps and be happy, eh? It made my week.

They both need real relationships of any kind, guys.

“Love is… uh, something I might have to have another drink to think about.” Me whenever anyone asks me about my love life.

“You do realise… ...a civilisation’s only hope?” I think this was Sylvie’s way of making sure Loki’s (albeit grey) morals and drinking habits don’t interrupt her plan.

The train sure gives me Snowpiercer vibes.

Do I have to talk about Drunk Loki?

Tom’s singing voice is lovely.

Sylvie’s eyes shift nervously to the door and then back to Loki. She’s initially tense but she relaxes slightly though she knows she’s gonna have to clean up the mess.

“Nobody cares. It’s the end of the world.” Again, Loki’s headspace is one where existence is futile.

The green walls contrast the purple lighting nicely.

You can see plants (?) from the outside if you look out the windows. Talk about attention to detail.

Bruh what is the dagger about? Drunk Loki’s a comedic genius.

The descending notes in the background of Loki’s fireworks.

Sylvie’s smile when she goes to attack is animalistic. I’d like to see her character explored more in terms of how she views violence.

YEET.

“You’re right. I’m a god.” Loki’s defense mechanism is to state that his motives are above the understanding of others.

“You’re a clown.” Sylvie tells it as it is.

Loki and Sylvie’s reactions to the TVA contrast the most here. Sylvie is potentially motivated by vengeance or a need for revenge whilst Loki has resigned to numbing the pain (for now at least) as he comes to terms with his reality. The question of what drives you is so important for these characters, I’m excited to see whether they’ll find a common ground and wreak havoc on the sacred timeline.

Loki and Sylvie both struggle with communicating in a healthy way. Sylvie calls him out on his directionlessness and Loki tells her what may be the harsh reality of her plan. Neither of them are willing to accept it, but there’s potential for a strong bond if they do.

Sylvie’s scream lmao.

I love the colour of Loki’s pants.

Problem? Solution! Do thing! Is Sylvie’s method of thinking when all is lost.

Gosh I love the shots in this episode.

“That’s a pretty good life.” Sylvie’s definitely not lived as a royal, or not from what she remembers.

“I just need to know if I can trust you.” Sylvie giving up how she enchants people is an olive branch because as useful as the things that Loki told her may have been for manipulation, they both know the importance of her upper hand. But she only relents once Loki doesn’t have the TemPad. Later, when she asks whether she can trust Loki, it’s more of a reassurance because he’s already been vulnerable around her.

The actor’s body language and facial expressions are incredible. Loki’s eyebrow’s furrow slightly when Sylvie mentions C-20’s mind but Tom takes a second for the information to be processed rather than instantly reacting to Sophia’s next line. She does the same when Loki talks about the TVA workers being created. What skilled people they are.

The city is a wonderful piece of set design.

“We do, and you can.” They step into the light, neither of them have tunnel vision and are able to see a bigger picture.

“They’re gonna let these people die.” This show explores a side of Loki we haven’t seen before, his morality and compassion. He has grey areas that could be explored in the next season. It also points back to how Sylvie and Loki differ in their view of others. I think this is partially because of their childhoods. Loki was raised as a prince and cared about his people, but Sylvie doesn’t share that perspective (“...they usually survive”), maybe because of her past. Hopefully in the upcoming episodes we’ll get a bit more of her backstory.

That sequence is beyond words. The constantly rotating and revolving camera really hammers home that it’s a disorienting fight for their lives at the end of the world. I’m speechless, just watch it.

The music in that blue-purple-pink club was banging tho.

Loki and Sylvie’s posture, facial expression and general body movement is similar. The variant point is hammered home here.

It’s interesting how Loki is in shock/denial of the Ark being destroyed whereas Sylvie immediately leaves.

The end music of this episode is beautiful. I love how it all builds to leave us on the soft tones of Dark Moon.

No one’s interested, but my mum and I bonded over the Jim Reeves version of this song and the Bonnie Guitar one.

Ep 3 review

Short episode with not much going on other than character development. However, if the first two were anything to go by, this episode will have greater implications on the plot. The pacing of this show is a bit strange, but we may see this change in the next season.

I mentioned previously that it would be a shame if the entire plot of this episode was made irrelevant by how they get off Lamentis - 1 next ep. This show has been really good at keeping us on our toes with the writing so they probably won’t take turns that have been speculated.

Happy mid-season guys! The following two episodes were apparently Tom’s favourites so we can expect some mayhem up ahead. See you next time!

Here's the link to my Ep 2 review

[yehet-me-up]

*busts through the door like I'm the Kool-Aid man* BONJOUR FUCKERS I'M BACK!!! It is I, the Theatrical Gay Anon™! I hope you're ready to endure my endless babbling for a bit cuz I've got lots to say holy shit. Consider this part 1 of like, 1000 cuz I think Tumblr got rid of the submissions feature. I apologize in advance for the spam hehe.

Okay, with that out of the way. Ms. Yehet-Me-Up, may I call you Sarah? Sarah, what the fuck!? I can't even rn. I I give you a simple suggestion, no expectations behind it. I say "Hey, don't you think it'd be cool if Zitao was in the Exodus Mall universe?" to which you said "Yeah, that'd be neat, I might do that. Perhaps make him work at an Irish pub or something" and then I flip out with gratitude and excitement thinking you're gonna do like, a DRABBLE. 500 words at MOST -Theatrical Gay Anon

Imagine my SHOCK, my STUPEFACTION, upon realizing that you wrote OVER TEN THOUSAND WORDS about Huang Zitao aka the wind beneath my wings, the rain to my drought, the corny joke to my Junmyeon. And not only that! But you did this A MONTH AGO. I could've been reading this for so long and I had no idea! How foolish am I? I can't believe you wrote all of this based off of a silly little suggestion I made. I feel like bowing over how not worthy I am Wayne's World style -Theatrical Gay Anon

NOW IN REGARDS TO THE CONTENT OF THIS MASTERPIECE OH MY GOD WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN!? I am floored by your preeminence. First things first, the title? Perfect. Full disclosure, I suck at titles. I've been writing for over a decade now and I'm still shit with titles. It's so hard to come up with just a few words to encapsulate everything you wrote but you do it SO WELL. The moodboard? Amazing. I've always loved that picture of Zitao and it fits so well with the pub setting -Theatrical Gay Anon

I'm afraid you've written "Fractions of Tomorrow" so well that I don't see there being a need for anyone to write anything else...ever. Stories? CANCELED. Poetry? CANCELED. Biographies? CANCELED. It's all over folks. Sarah has written The Best Thing Ever. We've peaked as a society. After I finish writing these asks I'm gonna become a hermit in the woods and make friends with all of the woodland creatures that inhabit it. -Theatrical Gay Anon

But seriously though, I love absolutely everything about this story. As a Zitao fan, I'm used to getting breadcrumbs. Not a lot of ppl write fics about him. I can count on one hand how many long fics of his you can find on Tumblr. But THIS?? This was no breadcrumb, this was a whole fucking bakery. And it all appeals to me so much oh my god? The sappiness of it all, the flowery prose, the rebellious rejection of cynicism, it's all so beautiful I want to marry it. -Theatrical Gay Anon

If I discussed all of the sentences in this fic that made me giggle with joy and kick my feet around I'd be here all day so keep in mind this is just a FRACTION of the ones I loved but I couldn't go without mentioning at least some of them so here we go. "It’s not his first time here, but it’s his first time paying attention" SHUT UP this line is go good it's so simple yet so nuanced I adore it. Seriously, why hasn't anyone hired you to write a screenplay? -Theatrical Gay Anon

"He wonders if you ironed the collar of your shirt to be that precise or if you simply move through the world without acquiring any wrinkles" God, this line is so CUTE it's DISGUSTING he's fond of the reader's un-wrinkled clothes that's such a specific thing to like and is totally the type of thing I've done with the ppl I've crushed on throughout my life. -Theatrical Gay Anon

"‘Zitao,’ he says finally. ‘Cute.’ You say" this is such a little thing but I love that you included his full name in this. I love his full name so much it sounds really pretty. Whenever I hear him refer to himself as "Huang Zitao" in interviews my heart soars. Hearing him speak Mandarin in general is a delight as well. It's an audibly gorgeous language and any racist who says otherwise can EAT MY ENTIRE ASS -Theatrical Gay Anon

"For someone who’s been in love for as long as you can remember she fights awfully hard against Baekhyun’s romantic nature" DEAR GOD I LOVE THESE TWO! I love these movie loving lovesick fools. I love that everyone in the world knows they love each other except them. I love seeing bits and pieces of their story throughout this written universe. I can't wait to see it all come together in Baekhyun's Exodus Mall fic. It's gonna be GLORIOUS -Theatrical Gay Anon

Also! I know you enjoyed my song recs that I thought fit perfectly with All Our Broken Places so here are some for when the Baek x Hitchcock fic drops. I know it's not done yet but I just *know* what it's gonna be like I can feel it in my bones. "Sidekick" by Walk the Moon and "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove. As for Fractions of Tomorrow I knew right away what songs I'd pick. "Dreams" by The Cranberries, "Jumpstarted" by Jukebox the Ghost and "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey -Theatrical Gay Anon

Gosh, this fic filled me with so much energy and joy I feel like a toddler on caffeine. But I really should sleep now though. It's gotten so late that I can see the sunrise peaking up sdksdksl. I'll see ya soon! I will be spamming you with more compliments about this fic once I wake up though! - Theatrical Gay Anon

Hi! I'm back. Okay, now where was I? Oh yeah, I was talking about some of my favorite lines from the story. "‘Hey man, how’s it going?’ Baekhyun reaches out and does a complex handshake with the man before you. ‘Oh, you know. Just working at the salt mines,’ Tao says with a laugh." I LOVE that you made Baek the one Zitao was close with. I miss the beef brothers so much. I'll never forgive SM for what they did to OT12. They were all such good friends 😔 -Theatrical Gay Anon

"‘I’m not sure.’ For a flash Tao’s eyes linger on you once more. ‘I think it would depend on the person.’ And then the bastard goes and winks at you." GOD, HE WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS! HE'S SUCH A SHAMELESS FLIRT I HATE HIM *narrator voice* This was of course a huge a lie, he in fact loved Zitao immensely -Theatrical Gay Anon

"‘Sweetheart, I’m everyone’s type.’" You've captured Zitao's unlimited confidence so well and that makes me really happy. It's one of my favorite things about him. The man truly loves himself and I think that's awesome -Theatrical Gay Anon

"Tao looks at you through his lashes, bending close enough that you can feel his breath on your lips when he speaks. ‘Words are just the appetizer, darling. I prefer to have an entire feast.’ 'Any other questions or can I grab your orders?’" ASDKDSDSL SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY THAT PANTY DROPPER LINE AND GO BACK TO BUSINESS AS USUAL ZITAO???? HUH??? IS THAT WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO??? -Theatrical Gay Anon

"‘Oh, nothing.’ He looks like the cat that caught the canary. ‘I just love being right.’" Something I love about EXO fic writers (myself included lol) is that despite all of the different ways they'll write the other members, there is one member who is always written the same and that's Baekhyun. He will always be written as a cheeky little shit cuz he *is* a cheeky little shit. That's just who he is. Messing with ppl is a favorite past time of his. -Theatrical Gay Anon

"'So, love, huh? There’s not some girlfriend or boyfriend of yours waiting for you at home?’" Thank you for not being heteronormative with the "are you dating someone?" convo. I know it might not seem like much but I really appreciate it. -Theatrical Gay Anon

"The beginning of love is always a lightning bolt. If that’s all it ever is you never have to deal with being knocked on your ass by the resulting thunderstorm" OOF, this one got me. So very true. The beginning of love is so scary! -Theatrical Gay Anon

"I could argue that anarchy still is love. Love of your beliefs and love of a person or a place or a thing so much that you’re willing to fight for it" OKAY BUT PASSIONATE LEATHER JACKET WEARING ANARCHIST ZITAO IN A ROCK BAND IS SUCH AN ATTRACTIVE CONCEPT!!! There's nothing sexier than a bad boi that will hate capitalism with you! He'd probably be the one to give ppl rides to protests and stuff I LOVE IT -Theatrical Gay Anon

"If we say love is a feeling, who’s to say that we aren’t in love? If we decide it’s an action then which one is it? A kiss or a commitment or - maybe it’s nothing more complicated than putting words to the way I feel when you look at me?" Listen I don't mean to be dramatic or anything (wait, who am I kidding? I'm literally the Theatrical Gay Anon being dramatic is like my Thing) but if a guy ever said that to me my trans boi pussy would be open for business IMMEDIATELY

Alright, so, uh Final Thoughts. This may be my new favorite work of yours, and no it's not just cuz it's got my ultimate bias in it lmao. This year has been so shitty and it's made my depression + anxiety reach the highest possible levels but reading this, this love story filled with hope and certainty despite not knowing what the future will hold for them, made this year seem easier to cope with. Thank you so much for making this, it means the world to me. -Theatrical Gay Anon

ALRIGHT, LAST ASK AND THEN I'LL SHUT UP I PROMISE but I personally headcanon that Double Shot + Zitao stayed together till the very end. They didn't get married cuz they hate formalities but they got matching tattoos and even when they're old and grey you can still them clear as day on their wrists. When they're asked how they met no one believes their answer lol. And when Double Shot died of old age before Zitao he would sing her favorite song by her grave every Saturday -Theatrical Gay Anon

OKAY SO I know I said I was done and I know I've already sent in like, 30 bajillion asks but I'm curious does Yifan or Luhan also work at the Irish pub?? Or do they work somewhere else in the mall? Inquiring minds want to know -Theatrical Gay Anon

When I tell you this made my entire month (when you sent it weeks ago, I’ve been hanging onto these because they seriously bring me SO much joy holy crap) I am not remotely kidding j;oaisjdflkasdjfa

I am absolutely going to put on these song recs while I work on the next chapter! 

a;osdfjlaksdfjasl the fact that you stayed up late to read this warms my heart so much. It reminds me of all the times I stayed up til the ass crack of dawn reading fanfics because I simply could NOT stop reading, so the fact that you enjoyed this like that makes me helllllaaaa emo 🥰

I just??? 2020 was indeed such a long year and affected my energy and creativity and honestly don’t really remember writing this hahaha. I kind of go into a fugue state with these longer fics and they just EMERGE. So to see you reflecting back some of what I wrote allows me to enjoy the process so much more. Makes writing and tumblr fun and I seriously wish everyone writing and creating could have someone as passionate and thoughtful and hilarious as you hyping them up 🌟 it honestly feels like a GIFT and I will absolutely keep writing this series and hoping to be worthy of it 😘

We will definitely get to see more of these two in the finale fic! I got into EXO after Tao, Yifan, and Luhan left so I’m not quite as familar with their personalities, but I could definitely see Yifan working at the US Bank haha. Business suit by day and partying/flirting by night. As for Luhan I feel like he’d work somewhere like the bookstore or the music store?? somewhere quieter and more contemplative. 

Thank you again for sending this and for being you <3 I hope 2021 is a wonderful year for you and that you know how AMAZING you are 💖💖💖💖💖

[pinktwingirl]

I rewrote Endgame (AKA Endgame but with Squirrel Girl and Loki)

Hey everyone, so since I think we can all agree Endgame could have used more Loki (and more Stucky!), I wrote some scenes that I think should have been added in. I included Doreen Green (aka Squirrel Girl) because she’s an amazing character and I would love to see her in the MCU! Also, in the comics, she’s a really good friend of Loki’s (and I think we can all agree MCU Loki could use a friend.) For a bit of context, I have a headcanon that the girls Thor got a picture with in Ragnarok were Doreen and her best friend/roommate Nancy, and Doreen was actually plotting to get close to Loki so her pet squirrel Tippy-Toe could plant a tracking device on him and make sure he didn’t get into any trouble while he was on Earth. Some of the scenes during the final battle are meant to be interspersed throughout the sequence, and aren’t really in any particular order. They’re just events that I thought would be cool if they actually happened. Since Endgame didn’t have a post-credits scene, I also added one for good measure! :)

(Also, I didn’t write a scene for it, but let’s just all agree that Steve and Bucky get married and retire to raise goats in Wakanda!)

INT. AVENGERS COMPOUND - DAY

Natasha, Bruce, Steve, Scott, and Rhodey are in a meeting room. Natasha paces back and forth.

NATASHA

We still have a lot we need to get done before we try anything else. Rhodey, have those robbers on 22nd street been identified?

RHODEY

Yeah, just a couple of cheap scumbags. I'm sure the cops can handle them.

NATASHA

Okay... And the subway hijackers?

STEVE

Nat, calm down. Okoye's got it covered.

NATASHA

Well, there's still that attack on Times Square. I don't know about you guys, but I'm not about to let some asshole terrorists try to blackmail the entire district into giving them money or whatever the hell they want-

Bruce flips on a monitor that projects an image on the wall.

BRUCE

Actually... it looks like someone got there before you.

Everyone turns to look at the screen. Natasha and Steve give each other an impressed and amused look, while Rhodey and Scott look at each other in confusion. On the screen, we see a group of men in black armor knocked unconscious and tied together. Next to them is a sign that reads "We got our butts kicked by the Unbeatable Squirrel Girl!!! :)"

EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREETS - DAY

We see a pair of boots walking down the street. Behind them trails a gray squirrel with a pink ribbon tied around her neck. The squirrel hops onto the shoulder of her companion, Doreen, who gives her a smile. We cut to her crouching in an abandoned building and typing on a computer screen, which shows surveillance footage of robbers sneaking around. We see the robbers loading their guns and tying up hostages in an alleyway. One of the robbers suddenly notices that his partner is staring at something. He pushes his partner on the shoulder.

ROBBER

Hey, what-

The robbers turn to see what the man is staring at. In the corner are a group of squirrels poised to strike. They slowly turn around and see Squirrel Girl, dressed in full gear and high-tech goggles standing with her arms folded. She smirks.

We then cut to Squirrel Girl attacking the robbers. Despite her small stature, she easily overpowers them. One of the men points a rifle at her, but she grabs it and points it upwards as it fires and kicks him aside. Another man throws a knife at her, but she grabs it with her tail and tosses it away. She then unleashes her knuckle spikes to cut through the mans armor.

We then cut to Doreen untying the victims, with the robbers knocked out beside them. She takes a purse out of one of the robbers' hands and hands it to one of the hostages.

DOREEN

Here ya go!

She walks off with her squirrel army as the hostages look on in awe.

INT. PUBLIC RESTROOM - DAY

Doreen steps out of a stall, where she has changed into a waitress's outfit. She stuffs her gear and clothing into a bag and tidies herself up a little in the mirror. Just as she's about to leave, she notices her tail is sticking out of her dress a little, so she tucks it in.

INT. SUBWAY STATION - DAY

Doreen is waiting for a train. She looks around solemnly. There is hardly anyone at the station even though it's midday. Sighing, pulls her purse strap tighter on her shoulder.

INT. DINER - DAY

Doreen rushes through the diner kitchen where her boss is waiting for her.

DOREEN

Hey.

BOSS

Hey, right on time. How you doin', kid?

DOREEN

Oh, I'm fine. Still no luck on the roommate search, though.

BOSS

Oh, that's a bummer.

DOREEN

How's the dining room looking? Did we make it to half-capacity this time?

BOSS

Eh, not exactly, but...

(He chuckles as he opens the door to the dining room.)

You've got a hell of a first customer.

Doreen's eyes widen when she sees Steve, wearing a baseball cap, sitting at a table by the window. He gives her a friendly wave.

We cut to Doreen sitting across from Steve at the table.

DOREEN

Can I just say, I... I am such a huge fan! Like, even before you came out of the ice, I literally had posters of you all over my wall!

(Beat)

Oh, wait, that's creepy, isn't it?

Steve shrugs.

STEVE

Kinda.

DOREEN

Anyway, I... I never thought you guys would find me. I-I mean, I hoped you would, 'cause you guys are awesome and all, but I just didn't think it would be this soon and... okay, I'll shut up now.

STEVE

So, how exactly does one get squirrel powers, anyway?

DOREEN

Honestly? I have no idea. I was born like this. My DNA is just... different. The doctors told my parents they have a name for people like me. They call us mutants.

STEVE

Mutants? So there are more people with altered DNA?

DOREEN

Supposedly. I mean, I've never met one before.

STEVE

They could be hiding it. You do.

DOREEN

That's true. My parents always told me I had to keep my mutation hidden. They didn't want people to be afraid of me. I didn't want to feel different but... I was always afraid to get close to people.

STEVE

So no one else knows?

DOREEN

My best friend Nancy did, but she... you know... the snap.

STEVE

How many did you lose?

(Beat)

DOREEN

Everyone. My parents. My family. Nancy. Even Mr. Lieberman...

STEVE

Who's Mr. Lieberman?

DOREEN

My pet squirrel.

STEVE

Oh.

DOREEN

But after Thanos, when things started getting bad... I don't know. I couldn't just sit back and do nothing, you know?

(Beat)

Why did you come looking for me?

Steve takes a deep breath.

STEVE

We think we may have found a way to bring them back.

DOREEN

All of them?

STEVE

There's no guarantees, but... we have to at least give this a shot. There's a lot we'll have to fill you in on, though.

(Beat)

DOREEN

I'm not sure how much help I can be. I mean, I doubt most people would be proud to say they were saved by a giant squirrel.

STEVE

I think, when it comes down to it, most people in trouble would be grateful to have anyone.

Doreen smiles and shrugs.

STEVE

Look, I don't know what your folks told you about your abilities. I'm sure they were just trying to protect you. But what you can do? That's a gift. And it's nothing to be ashamed of. And with this plan we have... well, we're gonna need all the help we can get. So, what do you say? Are you in?

Doreen pauses for a moment, then smiles.

DOREEN

Okay.

Steve grins. Suddenly, the boss enters the dining room again.

BOSS

Hey, Doreen, I'm not paying you to fangirl!

DOREEN

Uh, I... sorry...

(She abruptly stands up and takes out her notepad.)

Um... Can I... get you anything?

STEVE

You know, my buddy and I used to eat at this diner when we were kids. I was surprised it's still open.

DOREEN

Really?

STEVE

Yeah. Do you guys still have the best burgers in New York?

DOREEN

I'll let you be the judge of that.

She gives him a wink and heads into the kitchen.

INT. AVENGERS COMPOUND - DAY

Steve leads Tony into the compound, where Doreen is working on a holographic screen.

STEVE

Tony, meet Ms. Doreen Green. Mutant and computer science student at Empire State University.

DOREEN

Uh, former student, actually. I kind of left after the whole world... went to shit.

(She shakes Tony's hand.)

Hi, it's such an honor to meet you! I hope you don't mind, some of your computers systems were a bit outdated so I took the liberty of fixing them for you. Also, I recalibrated the data retrieval and processing systems, so those should be up to speed now.

TONY

(to Steve)

I thought you said she just talked to squirrels.

INT. AVENGERS COMPOUND - DAY

Doreen is showing the photo of her and Nancy with Thor on her phone to Thor.

THOR

Yes, I... I do remember this photo, Lady Doreen. I'm very sorry about your friend.

DOREEN

Well, that's why we're here, isn't it? I really hope Nancy can meet you again when this is all over. She's a huge fan! She named her cat "Mewnir" after your old hammer and even wrote these fan-fiction comics where you were a cat! It was called "Cat Thor"!

Thor raises an eyebrow and smiles.

SCOTT (O.S.)

Thor, clean up your beer cans! This place reeks!

Thor rolls his eyes and leaves. Doreen catches Tony walking around and rushes up to him.

DOREEN

Hey, Tony, could I ask you something?

TONY

You already did.

Doreen rolls her eyes.

DOREEN

I was thinking of bringing your Binarily Augmented Retro-Framing device with us when we go to 2012 New York.

TONY

You mean BARF?

DOREEN

You seriously need to get a better name for that.

TONY

Eh, it sticks in the head better. Why do you want to bring it?

DOREEN

I was thinking of using it on Loki. I didn't want to bring it up in front of Thor, since I figured it's kind of a sore subject for him, but if his brother knows anything about the infinity stones, it could tell us how to use them-

TONY

Absolutely not.

DOREEN

What? Why? Come on, Loki was sent by Thanos to come here, he must know something that could help us!

TONY

Our job is to get the stones and get out. That's it. We're not taking unnecessary risks by messing with people in the past.

DOREEN

I can handle it! Just give me the device! I'll be in and out like that!

TONY

I'm sorry, kid, my answer is no.

(Beat)

Doreen sighs.

DOREEN

Fine.

(She holds up her pet squirrel, Tippy-Toe.)

But can we at least make a time travel suit for Tippy?

INT. 2012 STARK TOWER - DAY

Doreen is snooping around the tower while the Avengers keep an eye on their past selves. She notices Hydra agents disguised as SHIELD agents walking around.

SCOTT (O.S.)

How did you not know those guys were Hydra? I mean, they just look evil!

DOREEN

Wait, those guys are Nazis? Can I punch them?!

TONY (O.S.)

No! Stay focused!

Suddenly, a robotic voice is heard from inside Doreen's utility belt.

VOICE

Binarily augmented retro-framing system activated.

DOREEN

Oh shit.

She frantically reaches in her pocket to try and shut it off.

SCOTT (O.S.)

What was that?

DOREEN

Uh, nothing.

BRUCE (O.S.)

That sounded like your BARF-tech, Tony.

TONY (O.S.)

Uh, I'm sorry, did you steal my BARF-tech?

DOREEN

No, I borrowed it.

STEVE (O.S.)

I'm pretty sure "borrowing" implies that you asked.

DOREEN

I'm gonna give it back!

TONY (O.S.)

You better. You break it, you bought it, fuzzy.

INT. 2012 STARK TOWER - DAY

Loki collapses to the ground from the impact of the Hulk's rampage. Doreen rushes to the scene and freezes when she sees the tesseract lying near him.

DOREEN

Oh no...

She dives on the ground to grab it at the same time as Loki. They look up and face each other, mystified when they realized they are both holding onto the tesseract. With a flash of blue, they disappear together.

EXT. DESERTED PLANET - NIGHT

Doreen slowly opens her eyes, groaning in pain. She lifts herself up and takes in her surroundings. The ground appears to be covered in a deep violet soil and the night sky is pitch black. Aside from a few bare trees in the distance, the place seems empty. Doreen clutches her time device on her wrists and speaks into it.

DOREEN

Hello? Is anyone there? Tony? Steve? Can anyone hear me?

She waits a moment. There is silence on the other end.

DOREEN

Ugh, great.

Suddenly, we see Tippy-Toe in a small time-travel suit rushing towards her and jumping in her arms. Doreen gives her a few gentle strokes on the back.

DOREEN

Hey, buddy.

Tippy-Toe gives a few squeaks.

DOREEN

No, I have no idea where we are.

She stands up and looks around, freezing when she notices what appears to be a crater in the distance. She runs up to it and sees Loki lying in a large hole in the ground, with the tesseract beside him. His body is bleeding and covered in bruises.

DOREEN

Holy shit...

She rushes down the crater to Loki's body and checks him for a pulse.

DOREEN

He's still breathing...

(She takes a bandage out of her utility belt and tosses it to Tippy-Toe.)

Tippy, stop the bleeding while I get the machine set up.

Tippy-Toe squeaks in protest.

DOREEN

Because I said so, now help me out here a little!

Tippy-Toe begrudgingly takes the bandage in her mouth and begins bandaging Loki's head.

DOREEN

Thank you.

(She starts setting up Tony's device.)

Actually... It's a good thing he's unconscious. It'll make this a lot easier.

She turns to look at the tesseract lying on the ground and hesitantly picks it up.

DOREEN

Um... I'll just... take that.

She puts it in a pocket in her utility belt.

We cut to Doreen scrolling through a holographic screen. The device has been set up, with the necessary parts attached to Loki's head.

DOREEN

Here we go...

She presses a button and a flash of blue transforms the area into a spaceship dungeon. Behind her, Doreen hears someone gasping in pain. She turns around to see 2011 Loki being held up by what appears to be an electrical current. His face is pale and sweaty, and his eyes are sunken. Doreen slowly approaches him.

DOREEN

Loki...?

As if momentarily forgetting she is in a simulation, she starts to reach out to touch his face. Suddenly, we hear a door open behind her. Nebula, Gamora, and Thanos enter. Startled, Doreen backs away as they approach Loki.

GAMORA

We found him in the void. He was just floating listlessly.

THANOS

The fallen king of Asgard...

He presses a button on the wall that shuts off the electric current, causing Loki to collapse to the floor. He lets out a weak wail of pain. Thanos and his daughters step closer to him as he slowly lifts up his head to look at them.

LOKI

K-kill me... P-please...

Nebula clicks her knife open, unleashing a large blade.

NEBULA

Shall we oblige him, father?

THANOS

Wait.

(He lifts Loki up.)

Perhaps there is some merit in keeping him alive. He is a boy... Lost... afraid... But I sense ambition in him... A lust for power... He may serve us well if he sees what we can offer him in return.

LOKI

N-no... I... Th-there is nothing... you can offer me... Wh-whatever this is... I want no part of it.

After a pause, Thanos slowly unveils the mind stone scepter with magic in his hand. Wide-eyed, Doreen slowly starts to back away as she looks on.

THANOS

Then again... A little persuasion can't hurt from time to time...

He presses the scepter to Loki's head, causing the mind stone to glow. Loki screams in agony as its power overwhelms him. Doreen gasps and covers her mouth in horror. With a sinister grin, Thanos presses the scepter harder, causing Loki's screams to grow louder. Mortified, Doreen frantically slams the off button on the device, causing the simulation to disappear. As she takes deep breaths, trying to collect herself, we see Loki's body disappear in a flash of green, as the real Loki appears behind her, untouched and unscarred. He was never really injured.

LOKI

I don't know if anyone's ever told you this...

Doreen gasps and whirls around.

LOKI

...but it's quite rude to look into someone else's mind without their permission.

DOREEN

I... I-I'm sorry, I just thought maybe Thanos told you something about the stones-

LOKI

Unfortunately, he did not. Thanos only ever told me what he felt I needed to know.

Doreen slowly backs away as he stalks towards her.

LOKI

I know you have the tesseract in your possession.

Doreen's hand instinctively goes to the pocket in her utility belt.

LOKI

I'm afraid I can't let you leave with that.

As Tippy-Toe jumps on her shoulder, Doreen grabs her time device.

DOREEN

Sorry to disappoint you.

She tries pressing a button on the device to send her back to the present, but nothing happens. As she repeatedly tries pressing the button, she sees a shimmer of green surrounding the device. Suddenly, Loki strikes her from behind. They fight, with Doreen struggling to overpower him. A dagger emerges in Loki's hand and he stabs her shoulder. Doreen screams and grabs his hand before he can strike again. Before Loki's strength can overwhelm her, Doreen unleashes her knuckle spikes and cuts his face, making a gash on his cheek. Loki recoils and raises his hand to the cut in shock. Eyes wide, Doreen backs away and tries to run, but Loki knocks her onto the ground, sending the tesseract flying.

DOREEN

No!

Doreen and Loki continue to fight. At one point, Tippy-Toe jumps onto Loki's face, blocking his vision. As Loki fumbles with the squirrel, Doreen rushes for the tesseract. She dives on the ground, but when she tries to grab it, her hand goes right through it in a green shimmer. Her face falls. It was just another illusion. As she lies on the ground, Loki approaches her, towering over her with a triumphant grin. He has the tesseract in his hand, chuckling darkly.

LOKI

This is who the mighty Avengers sent to stop me? Pathetic.

He kicks Doreen in the face and turns to leave.

DOREEN

If you bring that to Thanos, you're dead. He'll kill you.

Loki pauses and turns around, visibly amused by her comment.

LOKI

Is that so? And pray tell, why would he do that?

DOREEN

Why wouldn't he? You're just a pawn to him. You really think Thanos gives a damn about you? About what you want? He's using you! And you know it!

Loki's smile fades and his jaw tightens.

LOKI

You don't know the first thing about it. It's merely a transaction. I give Thanos the tesseract, he gives me my throne. That's all there is to it.

Doreen picks herself up and tries to approach him, but he blocks her with a green magic shield.

DOREEN

Loki, listen to me, please! The tesseract is one of the infinity stones. If Thanos gets all six, he's going to wipe out half of all life in the universe! Trillions would die, including people on Asgard, and you'd barely even have a kingdom left to rule! Is that what you want?!

Loki freezes in shock.

LOKI

How would you know that?

DOREEN

Because I was there when it happened.

EXT. DESERTED PLANET - NIGHT

Doreen is trying to make a fire with a few bundles of wood she gathered as Loki paces around, visibly troubled.

LOKI

So, Asgard is destroyed... and half the people are dead... Assuming, of course, I am to believe this story of yours.

DOREEN

Oh, I'm sorry, who's the god of lies here?

She gives a little cheer as the wood pile lights up in flames. Loki stops his pacing to look at her.

LOKI

You don't know anything about this planet, do you?

DOREEN

Gee, how could you tell?

LOKI

Well, for one thing, you're burning netmook wood, which emits a toxic fume when set ablaze...

DOREEN

Oh, God!

She frantically kicks dirt onto the fire, extinguishing it.

DOREEN

Why did you even come here, anyway?

LOKI

It's one of the most remote places in the galaxy. It won't stop Thanos' army from finding me... but it'll at least buy me some time.

(He grins.)

And, actually, I was joking about the netmook wood... It's completely harmless.

Doreen scowls at him.

DOREEN

Asshole.

With a wave of Loki's hand, a green fire appears on the wood pile. Doreen sits down to warm her hands. A green shimmer appears on her face, and she touches her cheek, where a cut has disappeared.

DOREEN

Thanks.

Loki sits down beside her.

LOKI

How is Thor?

(Beat)

DOREEN

Miserable. He's changed... a lot.

(Beat)

He really misses you. You were the only family he had left.

Loki looks down solemnly for a moment, then glances at Doreen.

LOKI

You know, I don't recall most mortals having a tail.

Doreen lets out a light laugh.

DOREEN

They don't. I was born different. I've had to hide it my whole life... well, at least until now.

LOKI

I... suppose I understand what that's like. I'm actually not Asgardian. I was born a Frost Giant. But I didn't know until I was much older. Of course, then I knew everyone would fear me for what I was...

(Beat)

DOREEN

I thought that if I could be an Avenger, I could at least make the most out of being different. I looked up to them for years... I thought if I could prove myself to them, maybe I wouldn't have to be afraid anymore. But I was so stupid! I should've known I wasn't cut out for this... I stole Tony's tech for nothing and now I've messed up their entire plan... I couldn't even face you without getting my ass kicked!

Loki clears his throat awkwardly.

LOKI

Well, um... you were quite an impressive fighter... for a mortal, that is. I-I didn't really mean what I said earlier, I was just trying to intimidate you... Of course, your stance could use work, and your techniques are a bit sloppy-

DOREEN

Wait, are you trying to make me feel better?

LOKI

What? Well, I-

DOREEN

Because that's... actually really sweet. I mean, you completely suck at it, but...

Loki rolls his eyes and stands up to leave.

DOREEN

No, no, no, I'm just kidding! Sorry, I... It was just a joke. Thanks, really.

Loki smiles a little and sits back down.

LOKI

In all seriousness, you are stronger than you believe. Having faith in yourself is the most powerful weapon you can possess.

Doreen smiles and nods.

DOREEN

Loki, I... about what Thanos... what he did to you... I had no idea. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Loki turns away, his expression solemn.

DOREEN

Why didn't you tell anyone?

Loki lets out a bitter laugh.

LOKI

You honestly think anyone would believe me if I had?

Doreen's face falls. Suddenly, Tippy-Toe starts angrily squeaking at him.

DOREEN

Oh, uh, this is Tippy-Toe. Sorry, she kind of hates you 'cause she said your Chitauri army blew up her stash of acorns back in New York...

LOKI

I know. She's expressing her anger with rather foul language.

DOREEN

You speak squirrelese?

LOKI

I have the power of all-speak. It allows me to understand all languages in the universe.

Doreen looks impressed.

LOKI

Does it... feel better to be open with your identity now?

DOREEN

I don't know. It's... weird, definitely, but... I think in a good way. I'm just not used to it. My dad was always so strict about keeping it a secret. I love him and I miss him, but he could be really hard on me sometimes. I guess... he just wanted to keep me safe.

(Beat)

LOKI

My birth father abandoned me and left me to die because he thought I was too small.

(Beat)

DOREEN

Wow. What a dick.

(After a pause, she stands up.)

Loki, I know this is a lot to process, but I really can't leave here without the tesseract.

Loki stands up as well.

LOKI

Doreen, I am sorry, truly I am, but I can't give it to you. I know your future is in peril, but I have my own future to think about. The tesseract is the only bargaining chip I have against Thanos. If he truly is as ruthless as you say, giving it to him might be the only way to convince him to spare my life.

DOREEN

I could bring it back! After we're done with it in the future, I could bring it here to this exact spot in time. It would be like it never left!

Loki scoffs and starts to object, but Doreen interrupts him.

DOREEN

And because I know you think I'm going to double-cross you... Tippy?

Tippy-Toe's ears perk up.

DOREEN

You stay here with Loki until I come back, okay?

Tippy-Toe lets out a few squeaks in protest, but reluctantly hops to Loki's side.

DOREEN

Now I have to keep my promise!

LOKI

Even so, this is beyond risky. What if you don't make it back?

DOREEN

You told me to have faith in myself. Now I'm asking you to have a little faith in me.

Loki looks down and shakes his head.

LOKI

I would be the biggest fool in the nine realms to leave my fate in the hands of a mortal...

Doreen's face falls. After a moment, Loki extends his hand, where the tesseract appears. He places it in Doreen's hands.

LOKI

Then again... I've been a fool for so long now... One more time couldn't hurt.

Doreen looks down at the tesseract in her hands in disbelief. When she meets Loki's eyes again, he gives her a small nod. Ecstatic, she grins and gives him a kiss on the cheek. Shocked, he recoils back slightly.

DOREEN

Oh, Loki, thank you! I won't let you down, I promise!

Suddenly, Loki freezes. He makes a strangled, choking sound as his face contorts in terror.

DOREEN

Loki...?

Loki collapses on the ground and starts convulsing, gasping for air.

DOREEN

Loki?! What's happening?!

She grabs him and turns his face towards hers.

LOKI

(in a strangled voice)

Go!

Horrified, Doreen looks up to see THE OTHER materializing onto the planet.

We cut to The Other stalking toward Loki, clenching his fist, making Loki's choke harder. Doreen is nowhere to be seen. Loki lets out an agonized groan.

THE OTHER

You fool... You really thought you could run from us? I told you there would be no escape.

(He glances at the tesseract, which is lying beside Loki.)

Now, you will give Him what is rightfully His...

The Other reaches to collect the tesseract, only to have it disappear in a green shimmer. It was just an illusion. Furious, The Other looks up to see Loki giving him a weak grin.

THE OTHER

You knave! Where is the tesseract?!

We cut to Doreen and Tippy-Toe running away. Doreen crouches behind a purple rock and starts to set the time-travel device for the present. As she is about to press the button to go home, she glances back at Loki, who is screaming in agony as The Other shocks him with his scepter. She bites her lip in contemplation.

We cut to The Other brutally torturing Loki with his scepter.

THE OTHER

Tell me where it is!

LOKI

(Weakly)

I would rather die.

THE OTHER

As you wish...

The Other strengthens his choke on Loki, watching as the life starts to drain out of his eyes. Suddenly, a surge of blue power blasts The Other out of the way. Gasping for air, Loki rolls over to see what happened. His eyes widen. Doreen is holding the tesseract, her body glowing with a blue haze. She is wielding its power. As The Other moves to attack, she strikes again. Loki and Doreen begin fighting him together, Loki with his magic, and Doreen with her powers and the tesseract. Eventually, Doreen is caught in a standoff with The Other. They are both grasping the tesseract, trying to take it from the other. A few cracks start to form on the cube. Doreen's eyes widen. Suddenly, the cube bursts, sending Doreen and The Other flying. Loki rushes over to Doreen, helping her up.

LOKI

Are you alright?

Doreen looks up, her face falling at what she sees. The Other is lying dead on the ground, with smoke rising from his body. Beside him, the tesseract has shattered into hundreds of pieces.

DOREEN

No, no, no, no...

She desperately tries to scramble up as many pieces as she can, but it is no use. Defeated, she collapses back onto the ground.

LOKI

What were you thinking?! I told you to go!

DOREEN

I couldn't!

LOKI

Why?! Your world was at stake, you should've left when you had the chance-

DOREEN

I wasn't just gonna let you die!

Loki freezes. After a pause, he slowly sinks to kneel beside her as she cries.

DOREEN

What have I done...? This is all my fault... The Avengers... Everything they've done, I've just wasted... I'm a failure...

LOKI

Doreen, look at me.

Doreen glances at him with teary eyes.

LOKI

You are no failure. What you did... I've never seen anyone wield the tesseract like that. You unlocked its power. It chose you.

DOREEN

Why? I... I don't understand...

LOKI

You don't have to.

Doreen sniffles and wipes her eyes.

DOREEN

At least... with the tesseract destroyed... your future is safe. Thanos can never collect all of the stones now.

Loki looks down with guilt.

LOKI

What about your future?

Doreen looks down.

DOREEN

We'll... we'll be okay. I guess... we'll just have to move on.

They both stand.

DOREEN

I... I'd... better go.

(Tippy-Toe hops on her shoulder again.)

What will you do?

LOKI

I suppose I'll have to stay here until the bifrost is rebuilt. After that... well, my father will most likely imprison me for my crimes.

DOREEN

Please tell them the truth about what happened to you. Even if your father doesn't believe you... I'm sure Thor will. Someone has to.

Loki nods slowly.

LOKI

Alright.

Doreen adjusts her time travel device on her wrist and glances at Loki one last time. They exchange a sad look. Suddenly, Doreen hugs him.

DOREEN

Goodbye, Loki.

She and Tippy-Toe disappear. Loki is left looking over the area where they were for a moment. As he starts to walk away, he suddenly notices the tesseract shards beginning to rise...

INT. AVENGERS COMPOUND - DAY

The Avengers all return from their time travel journeys... all except for Natasha. Doreen immediately rushes towards Tony.

DOREEN

(Rapidly)

Tony, I'm so sorry, I couldn't get the tesseract back, I really tried-

TONY

Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, kid. We got the tesseract.

Doreen freezes.

DOREEN

You did?!

Tony nods and taps his briefcase.

DOREEN

Oh, thank God...

Everyone freezes when they notice Clint standing without Nat.

BRUCE

Clint? Where's Nat?

Clint collapses to his knees.

INT. AVENGERS COMPOUND - DAY

As Tony is working on the gauntlet, a hand suddenly places the BARF-tech device on his desk. Tony raises an eyebrow to see Doreen standing there with her head down. He picks up the device to examine it.

DOREEN

I'm sorry I stole your tech. I was just trying to prove that I could do something useful. I know that's really stupid and immature, and I totally get it if you want me to leave. I can pack my stuff up now-

TONY

Do you know how long it took my guys to program this thing to work on an unconscious brain?

DOREEN

Huh?

TONY

Two months. It took them two months to do what you did in two minutes.

Doreen freezes.

DOREEN

I...

TONY

You know, I took a look at your records from Empire State. You were one impressive student. Top of your class. Why'd you leave?

DOREEN

I... I don't know. I guess... after Thanos, I just didn't really see the point anymore.

Tony thinks for a moment.

TONY

I actually had to put the augmented reality department on hold for a little bit. We had some issues with the guy that was running it a couple years back, and higher-ups were complaining about costs, but since I don't have to worry about that anymore... I want you to hang onto this.

(Beat)

DOREEN

Are you serious?

TONY

Totally serious. Tinker around with it a little, see what you can do. We could use a new face handling the department.

He extends his hand for Doreen to take it.

DOREEN

I... oh my God, I-

He pulls his hand away before she can take it.

TONY

On one condition: Whatever happens today, whether we win or lose, you go back to school. Get your degree. Get your shit together. Because you've got a brilliant mind and I don't want to see that go to waste, you understand me?

Doreen grins.

DOREEN

Okay.

TONY

You sure?

DOREEN

Yeah.

TONY

You promise?

DOREEN

Uh huh.

TONY

Okay.

He hands her the device and heads out.

TONY (O.S.)

And next time you steal one of my gadgets, be sure to return it on time or I'm gonna start charging late fees!

Doreen grins.

INT. UNDERGROUND RUINS - DAY

After the explosion that destroyed the Avengers Compound, Doreen wakes up underground, surrounded by a pile of rubble. She sits up and sees her high-tech goggles have been crushed.

DOREEN

Shit...

She tosses them and tries to stand up, letting out a cry of pain. Her leg has a huge gash in it. Working quickly, she takes out a bandage roll from her utility belt and patches up her leg. Suddenly, she sees something glowing from underneath a pile of rubble. She stands up and cleans the object off. It is Tony's gauntlet.

DOREEN

Oh my God...

She scoops it in her arms, trying to make her way out of the maze of ruins. She suddenly bumps into Clint.

DOREEN

Oof! Oh... hey, are you okay?

Clint dusts himself off.

CLINT

Yeah, I'm fine. What the hell happened?

DOREEN

I think someone followed us from the past.

Clint glances at the gauntlet in Doreen's arms.

CLINT

Well, whoever they are, we need to make sure they don't get their hands on that. Did you see where-

They suddenly hear a low growling sound in the distance. Clint readies his bow, aiming at the sound.  Through the dim emergency light of the tunnels, they can see the outlines of Thanos' monsters creeping towards them. Doreen whistles and hands him the gauntlet.

DOREEN

Here. Take this. We'll deal with them.

CLINT

"We"?

DOREEN

Yeah! I called for backup!

Suddenly, a giant group of squirrels squeezes through the cracks in the rubble, ready to fight. Clint takes the gauntlet and flees. Doreen and her army rush towards the monsters and begin fighting.

We cut to another part of the ruins, where Rocket is scrambling to make his way out. Water is pooling into the area, threatening to drown him.

ROCKET

Hey! Can anyone hear me?! I need help! Get me out of here!

We see Scott, in his microscopic form, in another area.

SCOTT

I hear you! Just give me a second!

ROCKET

I don't have a second!

Scott starts running.

SCOTT

I'm trying to get to you, buddy, but I don't know how long it's going to take! I don't think it's safe to expand here...

DOREEN

Ooh! I can help with that! Hey, Monkey Joe, could you give the nice man a lift?

SCOTT

Monkey who?!

He sees a squirrel barreling towards him.

SCOTT

WHAT THE-?!

Monkey Joe tosses Scott onto his back and starts running towards Rocket. Once he reaches him, Scott is able to get them both to safety.

We cut to Doreen and the squirrels fighting the monsters. Tippy-Toe tries to attack one, but it rips it off its face and tosses it aside.

DOREEN

HEY!

She pounces on it and begins beating it with her fists, emphasizing each word with a punch.

DOREEN

NOBODY! TOUCHES! MY! PET! SQUIRREL!

We cut to Rocket holding a grenade.

ROCKET

I got it. This'll blast those creepy suckers outta the sky.

He presses a button, activating the grenade, and drops it down into the ruins.

SCOTT

Isn't Doreen still down there?

(Beat.)

ROCKET

Oops...

We cut to Doreen fighting the monsters. Suddenly, she notices all of the squirrels are disappearing into the cracks.

DOREEN

Huh? Hey, where are you guys all going?

(She freezes when she sees the grenade by her feet.)

Gah!

As the explosion rocks the tunnels, Scott and Rocket wince. They suddenly see Doreen crawling out of the ruins. She is panting and covered in soot.

DOREEN

Would you guys mind giving me a heads-up before you send in the grenade next time?

Rocket and Scott give her a sheepish grin.

EXT. BATTLEFIELD - DAY

Everyone who was dusted is emerging from the portals. Dr. Strange looks around at all of the people gathered.

STEPHEN

Is that everyone?

WONG

What, you wanted more?

STEPHEN

Wait, hang on.

He forms another portal where present-day Loki falls onto the ground. Loki dusts himself off and scowls at Stephen.

LOKI

Do you have to do that every time?!

Stephen shrugs. Thor freezes when he sees his brother standing before him. Loki's face falls as Thor begins to walk toward him slowly, his expression dark and unreadable. Loki starts to back away.

LOKI

(Quickly)

Look, I realize this is becoming something of a tradition between us, but I swear it was all for the best. If you would just give me a moment to explain, I'm sure you would understand that my death was in Asgard's best interest and I had no other alternative but to-

He freezes when he see's Thor's new physique... or lack thereof.

LOKI

What... the hell... happened to YOOOOUUU-

Thor squeezes him with a bone-crushing hug. When he lets go, there are tears in his eyes.

THOR

It's good to have you back, Loki.

Loki smiles, his own eyes beginning to well up.

LOKI

It's good to see you too, brother.

THOR

How have you come back?

LOKI

Well... I was resting in the afterlife, when I received a visit from my past self. He told me of a very special mortal who saved his life and granted him the tesseract, which allowed him to travel through time. It also gave me the power to restore my body and return my soul to the land of the living.

He winks at Doreen, who blushes and grins.

LOKI

Still... it was a shame to leave. It was wonderful to see mother again. Valhalla is also quite lovely this time of year...

DOREEN

Wait... I thought the tesseract was destroyed!

Loki smirks and conjures up the tesseract in his hand. Doreen's jaw drops.

DOREEN

Wh-?

(She laughs.)

You really are an asshole, you know that?

They hear someone clear their throat behind them. Tony, Steve, Bruce, and Clint look at them with a stern, distrustful glance.

BRUCE

What is he doing here?

LOKI

I've come here to aid you in your fight against Thanos.

TONY

Yeah, last time you were here, you were working for Thanos.

DOREEN

That wasn't his choice. Tony, I saw what happened to him. Thanos tortured him. He forced him into it.

LOKI

I know I am far from blameless for what has happened. But I have a score to settle with Thanos too. And I want to help my people, same as all of you.

STEVE

Why should we trust you now?

(Beat)

LOKI

I've got red in my ledger... I'd like to wipe it out.

Clint's eyes widen. After a moment, a hint of a smile grows on his face.

We cut to Thor lifting Doreen up with a crushing hug.

THOR

Thank you for bringing my brother back, Lady Doreen!

DOREEN

Oof!

(She awkwardly pats him on the back.)

Yep, I love you too, big guy...

An assortment of scenes during the battle (in no particular order)

During the scene where all of the female Avengers team up, Loki starts to join them, but Doreen stops him.

DOREEN

Hey! Um, excuse me? Ladies first!

Loki shifts into LADY LOKI.

LADY LOKI

Is this better?

Doreen smirks.

DOREEN

You're hilarious.

We cut to Loki and Doreen fighting together. A monster sends a rock tumbling towards them and appears to crush them. Suddenly, a hand taps the monster on the shoulder from behind. The monster turns around and a green shimmer reveals the real Loki and Doreen. Doreen punches the monster, sending him flying. Doreen and Loki smirk and share a fist bump.

We cut to Thor and Loki fighting together.

THOR

We should do get help-

LOKI

Don't even think about it.

We cut to Clint, who is fighting off some of the monsters. As they begin to gang up on him, they start to overwhelm him. He collapses to the ground, trying to push them off of him. Just as one is about to slit his throat, it is stabbed from behind. The rest are magicked away. The stabbed monster collapses and we see Loki standing behind it. Clint stares at him in awe.

CLINT

Thanks...

LOKI

Don't mention it.

We cut to Dr. Strange, Wanda, and Loki standing together. The camera pans around the trio as they charge up their magic.

STEPHEN

God, these things are everywhere...

LOKI

What, you've never fought a demonic horde before? Thor and I used to do it every week. It's a been our favorite past time since we were children!

STEPHEN

Good for you. You don't need to brag.

WANDA

Will both of you shut up?

As she flies off, Stephen and Loki raise an eyebrow at each other.

We cut to Wanda as she uses her magic to lift Thanos up, along with several rocks. Doreen jumps onto the rocks to leap onto Thanos’ shoulder, unleashing her knuckle spikes and digging them into his face. Thanos screams, overwhelmed by the two women attacking him. Using the stones, he eventually manages to send Doreen and Wanda flying. As he turns away, we see that Doreen has gouged his eye out. Wanda uses her magic to clear a pile of rocks off of Doreen.

DOREEN

Oof! Thanks

(She extends her hand to Wanda.)

Oh! Hi! I’m Doreen!

Wanda smiles.

After Tony's death, all the Avengers begin to kneel. Loki is standing by Doreen and Thor's side, both of whom are crying. After hesitating, Loki kneels beside them, looking at Tony's body solemnly.

EXT. LAKE HOUSE - DAY

At Tony's funeral, we see Nancy hugging Doreen, who is crying. Later, Doreen approaches Loki, who is standing alone on the porch.

DOREEN

Loki...

He turns around at the sound of her voice.

DOREEN

I... wanted to say thank you.

LOKI

Whatever for?

DOREEN

For believing in me. When I didn't believe in myself.

(Beat)

Well, I guess that wasn't you, you, it was the past you, but... whatever, it still counts.

Loki smiles.

LOKI

No, my dear, it is I who should be thanking you. You showed me unconditional kindness when no one else did.

(He gives a small bow.)

My most sincere gratitude, Lady Doreen. I owe you my life. I don't know how I could ever repay you.

Tippy-Toe crawls on his shoulder and squeaks at him.

DOREEN

You could start by giving Tippy those acorns you owe her. You know... whenever you get the chance.

LOKI

I will... certainly make a note of that.

He gives Tippy-Toe a few awkward pets.

DOREEN

So, now what? Are you gonna try and take over New Asgard?

Loki laughs.

LOKI

I think Asgard has had enough of my rule. No, I believe I'll accompany my brother on whatever ridiculous journeys he has planned. We do have a lot of catching up to do, after all. Also...

(He conjures the tesseract in his hand.)

I believe this will allow me to travel to some... entertaining places in time. I trust you won't tell anyone?

DOREEN

Well, I don't know, that depends. Are you gonna kill anybody?

Loki laughs.

LOKI

I will try to avoid it.

Doreen shrugs.

DOREEN

Eh, good enough for me.

LOKI

What about you? What will you do?

DOREEN

Well, I made a promise to Tony that I'd go back to school, so that's what I'm gonna do. Besides, I couldn't let Nancy finish her senior year of college alone.

They turn to Nancy, who is enthusiastically showing Thor her "Cat Thor" comics in the distance.

NANCY

And this is Cat Thor's mighty hammer, Mewnir, which he uses to defeat the evil Laufur, leader of the bad dogs!

DOREEN

She's a big fan.

Loki chuckles.

DOREEN

How did the past you know to find you in Valhalla?

LOKI

He didn't. He had a little help... with this.

(He tosses the tracking device she placed on him to her.)

A word of advice: Next time you want to track someone, do tell Tippy-Toe to be more subtle about it.

Doreen grins sheepishly.

LOKI

Of course, I expected all of you to enact your little time-travel experiment three days earlier, but better late than never, I suppose...

Doreen freezes.

DOREEN

You knew what was going to happen...

LOKI

But of course! Why do you think I got myself killed by Thanos in the first place? My plan was risky, but at least if I died, Thanos wouldn't be able to stop me.

DOREEN

(Slowly understanding)

Thanos couldn't kill you if you were already dead... But... but how did you know I would get my hands on the tesseract? And use its power and everything? And...

LOKI

My gift of foresight may not be as strong as my mother's, but...

(He winks at her.)

I know a special mortal when I see one.

Doreen blushes.

DOREEN

Oh! I almost forgot!

She hands him a golden locket with an imprint of his helmet.

DOREEN

I made this for you. I wanted to apologize for, you know... stalking you without your permission. This locket lets me see where you are if you're ever in trouble. If you need me at all, I'll be there.

(Beat)

I know it's not much, but... I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate everything you've done for me.

LOKI

So... your way of apologizing to me for tracking my location is... tracking my location again?

DOREEN

I can only see it if you want me to!

(She pulls out a matching locket.)

I have one too, see? Just press this button here, and I can see where you are, anywhere in the galaxy.

She presses the button and a holographic screen of their location appears on both of their lockets.

DOREEN

I also put your little horns on it, 'cause I thought it'd be cute!

Loki smiles as she shuts the lockets off.

LOKI

I'll keep it with me. I promise.

DOREEN

Well... I guess I'll see you around. Bye, Loki.

LOKI

Goodbye, Doreen.

She heads off, leaving Loki to admire his new gift. Suddenly, she runs back and hugs him, catching him off-guard. After a moment of confusion, he smiles and returns the hug.

INT. STARK HOUSEHOLD - DAY

Post-Credits Scene

Doreen and Morgan are sitting in Morgan's room, where they are talking to Thor, Loki, and the Guardians of the Galaxy through a holographic screen. Thor is swigging a glass of whiskey as they talk.

DOREEN

See, this is why I'm the best nanny. Like, who else is gonna let you facetime with people thousands of light years away?

DRAX

Enough stalling. We must resume our game.

DOREEN

Right. Whose turn is it?

MANTIS

I believe it is Loki's turn!

DOREEN

Okay, Loki, truth or dare?

LOKI

Hmm... Truth.

THOR

Oh, please, you're incapable of telling the truth.

LOKI

I am not!

DOREEN

Okay... is it true that you did it with a horse?

LOKI

What?

DOREEN

Because I read in a Norse mythology book that you did it with a horse and then gave birth to a horse with eight legs, and... I don't know, that just seems super weird, like even for you.

Thor and the Guardians of the Galaxy snicker.

MORGAN

What did he do with a horse?

DOREEN

Uh... I'll tell you when you're older.

Drax turns to Loki.

DRAX

I am impressed, my friend. I did not know that equestrian women were your type.

LOKI

They're not! Those rubbish Midgardian books are full of lies!

THOR

I don't know, brother, you always seemed fond of the horses in the royal stables growing up...

ROCKET

Is that why you did it with a horse?

LOKI

I didn't do anything with a horse!

DOREEN

Okay, okay, guys, let him be. I'm just teasing. Whose turn is it next?

QUILL

I think it's your turn, Doreen. Truth or dare?

DOREEN

Hmm... I'll do a dare. Let's let Morgan decide! Morgan, what should I do?

Morgan whispers in her ear, and Doreen grins devilishly.

DOREEN

Ooh, yes! Okay, hang on a second.

She disappears into the next room. Suddenly, we see a flash of blue from the other room.

EXT. 2011 ASGARD - NIGHT

Doreen time travels to 2011 Asgard, where Thor is confronting Loki at the bifrost.

THOR

Why have you done this?!

LOKI

To prove to father that I am a worthy son! When he wakes, I will have saved his life. I will have destroyed that race of monsters, and I will be true heir to the throne-

Suddenly, they are both hit with Valkyrie's obedience disks, which electrocute them both and cause them to collapse on the ground. Doreen, in her time-travel suit, steps over them.

DOREEN

Hey, uh, sorry to interrupt your little, uh, family drama over here. Do you mind if I borrow that really quick?

She scoops Loki's helmet off his head as he and Thor give her confused, exasperated looks as they convulse on the ground. She fumbles with the helmet, trying to place it on her head.

DOREEN

Oh my God, how do you wear this thing?

She manages to clumsily place it lopsided on her head.

DOREEN

Well, uh, thanks for that. I hope you can both resolve your issues in a peaceful, non-violent manner.

(She looks at Thor.)

Nice look, by the way. Really rocking the, uh, blonde eyebrows. Anyways, I got places to be, so I'll see ya!

(She starts to press her time-travel device on her wrist, but freezes.)

Ooh! I almost forgot!

INT. STARK HOUSEHOLD - DAY

With a flash of blue, Doreen rushes back into Morgan's room wearing Loki's helmet and holding Mjolnir. Everyone stares at her, jaws dropped and eyes widened.

DOREEN

Okay, I did it!

(She swings the hammer around.)

You know, this bad boy actually isn't as heavy as I thought it would be. I do have to return this stuff soon, though. I kind of left 2011 Thor and Loki electrocuted on the ground, and they'll probably be mad about that.

(Beat)

Anyway, whose turn is it next?

Frozen stock still, everyone continues to stare at her. Thor drops his whiskey glass on the ground.

[matteredloyaltyaa]

@yukikorogashi​ asked: 💞💖💘💕 tigger bounces in with these 👀

positivity meme -- slow, still accepting

Send 💞 and my muse will say something nice about your muse

    The house had grown silent in the late hours of the night, Arthur burning the midnight oil as he was prone to do. Mind running a mile a minute, and not really getting much from late night television, he opted to sit in the office across from Itsuki’s bedroom. At the thought, he found himself glancing toward the slightly ajar bedroom door, letting in a dim bit of light from the one he kept on in the hall for her. Aside from a small conversation about her day and a request for a story from his own, it seemed like she had fallen asleep pretty easily once he had started talking.

    He was never sure if he should take that as a compliment or not when it happened, but at least ONE of them was getting some much needed rest.

    As he could feel his thoughts starting to circle, he let out a small sigh from his nose as he shifted to pull a familiar book from one of the shelves. The pages were starting to become worn with use, Arthur about halfway into his current journal. He flipped open to the current page, a partly complete sketch of their newest addition to the household: an old collie that Itsuki had affectionately named Mochi. As far as he was aware, the old guy was asleep on a chair in the living room.

    Arthur huffed lightly out of his nose at the thought, turning to the blank page and started to scribble down some thoughts.

Itsuki’s growing in so many ways every day. It honestly surprises me sometimes.

I wasn’t the only one who question my decision to adopt a kid at first. Hosea had cast me that uncertain look when I first mentioned it, and the social worker...well, I could never really get a read on them, but somehow I managed to impress someone because here we are.

She’s healthy, hasn’t lost mind or limb. I figure I’m doing something right.

I know I’m not around as much as I wish I was, and Hosea’s been a great help in keeping an eye on her. Teaching her things in that special way he has, which is probably better for her than whatever I can give. Still, I catch the odd eye or word from him about spending more time with her, which I’m trying to do. It must be working, she certainly hasn’t come to hate me or resent me being home when I am. Yet.

Still, I love that kid. The odd nights she opens that bedroom door of mine to tell me about a nightmare or storm outside and we have to stay up a little later until she can sleep again, the way she races to the truck when I pull up to the school (even during the times where I know she’s had to wait for me,) it’s all something I never thought I’d see in my life or know it to be something I would miss if it disappeared.

I want nothing more than to see her happy, and she’s always the brightest person in the room when she is. If I can help with that, that’s all I want.

Though, maybe what’s best for her is me getting some sleep so I’m not spacey and distracted with her tomorrow.

Send 💖 and my muse will say something nice about you, the mun

    “Could’ve certainly picked a worse night for this,” Arthur commented, casting a glance upwards.

    The sun had dipped below the horizon, the sky cast in a blanket of stars as the orange glow of the fire he had built cast him and his companion in a warm light. A rabbit was slowly roasting over the flames, something he had hunted earlier for the coming night. Thankfully, he had been getting better with a bow. It had saved him the embarrassment of picking out shell casings from the meat in front of her, at the very least. He dropped his gaze back down, watching the fire for a few moments before he glanced toward her.

    “I’ve certainly had worse company ‘round a fire, too. Some folks are more likely t’ greet you with a barrel of a gun shoved against the back of your head, but...nah, y’ don’t seem the type. I know you been fightin’ things in different ways, though. Kid’s always goin’ on ‘bout how STRONG y’ are, and I can see why. Life...life’s got a funny way ‘f workin’ things out. Lots ‘f good things happenin’ out there, yet there’s a lotta bad happenin’ t’ folk who don’t deserve it. Whatever good’s out there, I know it’s due t’ come your way. Hell, I’d give ya some of mine--lord knows I ain’t done anythin’ t’ deserve it.”

    He let out a vaguely humorous huff, glancing back to the fire for a moment before meeting her gaze once again.

    “Guess what I’m tryin’ t’ say is that there’s a lot of people out there who are on your side. Can’t get too far in life without people y’ can trust, and you’ve proved time and again that you’re one of those who can be that for someone, and it’s a fool who don’t see that and won’t return it. Y’ deserve more than y’ get, much as that might not mean much from someone like me. Y’ got a lotta fight in y’, and you’ve never had a point a gun t’ prove it. Folks see that.”

Send 💘 and the mun will say something nice about your muse

I remember seeing Itsuki for the first time all those years ago, and jokingly I was like “who’s lost child is this?” lol

However, I can honestly say with my whole heart that I am so glad to have been introduced to her character. However, I can’t say much to how she is portrayed on her blog, as I am...completely unfamiliar from the media she is from. (And considering some of the horror stories I’ve heard about the fandom, I’m very content with hers being the only blog I follow from it lol.) Yet, I feel like I’ve known her character for so long through how often she’s appeared on my blogs and all the relationships I’ve built with her through my own characters. Good, bad, everything.

Itsuki is such a strong character in not just physical prowess, but strength of will and mind too. No matter what blog I am on, I can almost always trust her to be this force of optimism and child-like joy and curiosity. Even on a blog of mine starring a certain baptist, even in the face of someone who wouldn’t appreciate her for who she is, somehow Itsuki still manages to handle that in a way that is both absolutely a joy to write with and great to play off of.

I know I’ve said it before, but often I do find myself thinking about how a character would interact with her when I am making a blog. Not only is it me trying to make room for interaction, but it is also good for general character development. She has become such a staple on my blogs, which honestly rarely happens and for as long as it has with her.

Send 💕 and the mun will say something nice about you, the mun

Becka!!

Much like you wrote in this section for me, I am also sorry this took so long because I also wanted to make sure everything sounded right. Especially after coming off a long semester of university, I’ve been trying to come back into my writing. Lol Honestly, what can I say about you that I haven’t said a million times? I always say this, yet I know it bares repeating because I know everything I feel about you to be wholly the truth. You are such a great friend, and even when you’re not feeling like you are, or you are in the middle of a falling out, or stuck ruminating on something that didn’t work out with someone, I know for a fact that you have done your absolute best in that friendship. I know you have done nothing but show me support, love, and a deep kindness since the day I met you and I know I can say absolutely that you are one of my best friends.

Hell, I know even my family asks about you sometimes because I know I’ve mentioned having our late night talks often enough. Lol I know you have helped me through so much, even in things you may not even be aware of. Being able to write with you, knowing that you’re out there doing you and being awesome, it’s everything I could ask for in a friend. It’s 3 am while I’m writing this so idk if I’m rambling like mad here, but I have a lot of feelings for you. Lol Mostly, I’m just grateful. That you exist, that we’re as close as we are, for the conversations we do have. I love you a TON, and I hope you know that. I ALWAYS want you to know that, even in the deepest darkest pits you may fall in.

I am always happy to see you, to talk with you, to write with you. I love you, and you’re always in my thoughts and I hope nothing but the best for you and I’m always so excited and happy when I do see that happening for you.

[diddlesanddoodles]

Dumpling ch. 17

(author’s notes: I’M NOT DEAD!)

Keral sent along his message to Hev the blacksmith informing him of Nenani’s need for a new marker with a servant who came to replenish the wine decanter and deliver a few papers and notes to Maevis. Once a fresh post of tea had been brewed and Keral’s wine glass filled, they got to work.

In no time at all, the number of books being taken down from the shelves were taking over the table and along with them came seemingly endless rolls of parchment upon which Maevis furiously scribbled as many notes and citations as his quill and ink could produce. Keral, for his role, thumbed through various books and whenever he came upon something, he slipped a small piece of parchment in the page and sat it before the magician. The library had taken on an air of solemnity.  

However, as was his nature, Jae did not much care for the weight of the room and did his best to keep the mood from sinking any further.  

“So a smoke mage,” he wondered aloud to to one in particular, lounging against a stack of books. “What makes a smoke mage so dangerous? Because by the name alone, I think the fellow may have drawn the short end of the magic stick.”

“No mage is inherently dangerous,” Barnaby said. “But we do not know this mage’s intentions and what we do know is that they are violent and not above meaningless killing.”  

He was on his second cup of tea and comfortably seated on a cushion close to where Maevis was working. After trying to aide in the research himself and suffering a slight dizzy spell, Maevis all but demanded that the old archivist sit and rest.  

“It won’t do to tire yourself, my friend,” the magician had told the human gently in an attempt to mask his worry. “Best rest a while.”

“I am fine,” Barnaby replied with a disregarding wave, but he still lowered himself onto the cushion nonetheless. “Just a bit over excited, mind you. I’ll be right as rain in a bit.”

“Not very nice t’be worryin’ old Meeves now,” Keral added. “He already frets over ya like a hen. Won’t be helpin’ ‘im much to be actin’ fragile, eh? Let us do the heavy liftin’ and if ya remember anything, we’ll write it down.”

Barnaby huffed mildly at being accused of acting fragile, but stayed put and did not refuse Jae when he handed him his tea. Nenani watched with confusion as the two giants worked and fussed and Jae fidgeted. She knew very little of magic and prior to meeting Maevis, she had never seen it used.  

“What’s a mage?” she asked.  

All at once, she became the focus of the room and she felt her face flush. Perhaps it had been a silly question.  

“Well,” Maevis began thoughtfully. “A mage is a person who uses magic.”

“Like the kind of magic you do?” she asked.  

“Not exactly,” he replied patiently. “I learned magic from studying it in books and from other magicians. A mage does not learn magic, they are born with it. Sometimes they are called Elementals, because a mage’s magic often times coincides with a particular element.”

“Like fire?” she asked. “Fire mages?”  

“Correct,” Maevis replied. “Though it is also important to note that while all Elementals are considered mages, not all mages are Elementals.”

Nenani made a face. “I...I don’t...huh?”

Keral laughed at her as he sat a book down. “Elementals are human, but one of us big folk could be a mage. We just wouldn’t be called an Elemental. Like that Bertol fellow.”

Now it was Maevis’s turn to make a face and Keral released a loud bark of a laugh.

“Oh, come now,” Keral replied. “Don’t y’know Bertol is the greatest prophet who ever lived?”

“Bertol the bumbling buffoon,” Maevis replied dryly, “Is as much a prophet as that tea pot over there and not nearly so useful. And only by the skin of his teeth does he have any right to claim himself a mage.”

Keral grinned, laughing. “Don’t care fer his ramblings either then? Hm. Neither does the King.”

“I would not blame King Warren if he should one day decide to place that idiot in the stockades and conveniently forget him.”  

“Who is Bertol?” Nenani asked, glancing between the two giants, feeling more confused than ever. Mages, Elementals, and now prophets?  

“Bertol is a Vhasshallan mage,” Maevis replied sourly. “He is thought by many in Vhasshal to hold the gift of foresight. That he can see the future and make predictions based upon his visions. He was the one responsible for the Gold prophecy.”

“Gold…?” she asked, trailing off.

“It’s why Warren’s called the Gold King,” Jae added before biting into a biscuit.  

Seeing her confusion, Keral reached for a book sitting on the edge of the table, a smallish black volume with gold lettering, and he flipped it open and began to read. His voice was even and mellow, but the words that sprouted from his lips brought with them a sickening sensation of her guts being pulled and ice dripping down her spine.

“The river runs uphill to the dying songs of the fall of fools and Kings that tear flesh from bone and the crown from the mountain. Water runs red with fire and shall rise when the old blood runs new. The flesh taken will be paid in blood and the dead walls will rise with gold.”

He closed the book with a snap and tilted his head down to regard Nenani with an open expression, but froze, brows drawing together, and he bent down. “Ya alright there lass? Yer a bit pale.”

In depths of her memory, she could feel the cool stone of the catacomb and see the empty hollows that once held eyes of those that had once been a person. Those voices chanting. Her dreams that played out in her mind every night. The smell of smoke, the screams of men dying as the fishing boats burned. A man in black, his face obscured by the skull of a stag. Her Uncle calling to her as he died.

And those words…

“...shall rise when the old blood runs new.”

She felt thick fingers wrap around her shoulders and Kerals voice broke through the fog of her mind. Abruptly she broke free and she was no longer within herself but back at the library. The scent of smoke and ash replaced by that of parchment and ink and tea. And Keral’s body odor.  

She met his eyes and was surprised to find her cheeks wet. “I...I don’t know...”

“Oi now, don’t go lettin’ them words scare ya. Yer alright,” he told her quietly. “Nothin’ to be upset about. They’re just words, remember. Besides, it already came to pass. Nothin’ to fear, eh?”

Barnaby and Jae were both studying her with a mixture of expressions from worried to bewildered. Now aware that everyone was intently focusing in on her, Nenani flushed and scrubbed at her cheeks in slight embankment. “Sorry. I’m fine.”

“You’ve had quite a day,” Maevis said, an air of suggestion in his tone. With a gloved hand, he waved behind towards the door just beyond the curtain. “Would you like to have a rest?”

“Best thing t’do would get ya back to th’ kitchens,” Keral added as he rubbed his chin in contemplation. “But if ya showed up without a marker, Farris would have a right apoplexy.”

“Yeah, Hev’s work is good,” said Jae. “But metal working takes time. And it’ll take most of the afternoon for Connor to do the detail work.”  

Nenani shook her head. “I’m fine. I don’t need to rest. That poem, er – prophecy. I’ve heard it before, but I didn’t know it was a prophecy.”  

Maevis expression of concern shifted into mild disdain. “Yes, well. I wouldn’t put much weight nor worry to those words. The one responsible for that dribble has as much foresight as a week old turnip.”

“First a tea pot and now he’s a turnip,” Jae sniggered. “So which one is he?”

“What has that poor old buggar done to earn your ire, Meeves,” Keral asked. “Didn’t think you had it in ya t’hold a grudge. Even against someone deserving of it.”  

Maevis took a moment to take a long and slow breath, placing his folded hands atop the table, and seemed to collect himself.

“Anyone can string together phrases with grandiose words so vague as to be perfectly useless,” Maevis replied, his irritation smoothed over, but still there. “There are many who take themselves for grand prophets and mostly their predictions fall to deaf ears. Bertol has managed to convince people his words are true and by the God’s graces, I haven’t the foggiest inclination as to why they would listen to him, of all people.”

“He had good timing,” Keral offered in response. “Folks were looking for something to cling to. They'll cling to hope if they smell it. Makes ‘em desperate.”

“My meaning, precisely, Keral! Words have power when people make it so. Bertol’s words were hallow and meaningless. Just enough vague enough for opportunistic fiends to take advantage. They see themselves in his words and are convinced that they’re meant to grander things. Bertol’s words are reckless. And therefore, dangerous.”

…………………………………………….

“Tell me master Barnabas,” Keral said with surprise formality. He sat in the same chair, but his glass of wine had been replaced by a cup of tea by Maevis after the ranger had all but drained the pitcher all on his own. Beside him stood a small stack of books. Maevis held his own cup and nursed it. Beside him sat a much more impressive amass of books and tomes.

They had paused their research for a break and Barnaby was looking over the slate he had given to Nenani to draw on, showing her how to hold the chalk and how to use the lines to create an image. Keral had been watching them with an enigmatic expression, though Nenani tried not to let it bother her. Keral had managed to subvert her expectations of what kind of a person he was, but there were occasions she had caught glimpses of something else.

Something that she could not help but feel nervous about. But no one else seemed at all concerned, so Nenani decided she was just being silly.

At hearing his name, Barnaby looked to Keral inquisitively and the ranger continued. “How common was red hair in Silvaara?”

The question was odd. Odd enough to catch the room by surprise and then as a consequence, all eyes turned to Nenani. The only one of them with red hair.  

Feeling the weight of their curious eyes, she shrank away from their peering gazes. “What?”

Barnaby turned back to Keral, perplexed. “Not too common. Black or brown is more common, such as young master Jae. I myself had brown hair. When I was young. And had hair. Why?”

“What about the highborns?” Keral asked. “Nobles and the like?”  

Barnaby’s eyed widened as understanding struck him. “Oh. Well, red was much more common. A genetic consequence of the blood purity obsession that took over the last decades. Though it was wildly held as truth that those with red hair were born of fire and were more likely to hold the Flower’s blessing.”

Jae watched with mild curiosity and then laughed, eyeing Keral skeptically. “What? You think Nenani’ might be a long lost highborn?”

Keral shrugged. “I get curious. The Hill tribes are all brown and black haired save for the last one Farris picked up from Dornbey. Poor sod had quite the reception when I delivered ‘im to Gregis. It was all m’lord this and m’lord that. Practically swarmed th’fellow. He was already outta his head. Poor bastard.”

“Well,” Barnaby continued, glancing at Nenani. “That was one subject I had hoped to broach with you dear. As Jae may have explained, I am an archivist and I write histories. Whenever a human comes to live here on castle grounds I write down their histories. To persevere what little of Silvaara remains. And after your first visit and all that transpired, I had quite forgotten to ask you about who your parents were as I did not want to upset you any further. And Keral has made a fine point. Your hair color tells me I may be able to find your family history if you can tell me your family name.”

“Family name?” Nenani asked, thinking back. “I don’t think we have one...”

“Oh, nonsense,” Barnaby replied. “Everyone has a family name. We’ll start with your father, then. What was his name? Many families passed down names to the first born sons. I might be able to trace you to a particular family.”

“That’s how I got my name.” Jae added in.

“Hayron,” Nenani said. “Papa’s name was Hayron.”  

Barnaby, who had taken up a quill and spare parchment to take notes, paused and he peeked over the top of the parchment with raised eyebrows. “Hayron, you said?”

Nenani nodded. “Yes. My Uncle’s name was Halden.”  

He placed the the quill and parchment on his lap and seemed to consider her for a moment as though seeking something in her face. After a long moment, he asked “And you’re mother?”

His tone was quiet and almost...seeking?

“Oira.”  

The longing look in his eyes dissipated and he nodded. Almost sadly, as though he was disappointed in her answer. “Oira. Hm. I do not know that name. But I do remember Haryon.”  

Nenani blinked. “Huh? You knew Papa?”

“And Halden in some respects, though I cannot recall ever speaking to him very much. He took his duties quite seriously, if I’m remembering correctly. They were junior members of the Thorn Guard.”

“Yes!” Nenani exclaimed excitedly. “He told he once that he was in the Thorn Guard. But I don’t know what that is.”

“Oh, whoa. Thorn guards?” She heard Jae whistle and glanced back at him to find her fellow human grinning. Behind him, Keral was expressionless, but his eyes were sharp and focused and she knew his interest had been peaked.  

“Hayron is an old name that is fairly common among the Thorn Guard families. However, I only knew one Hayron with a brother named Halden. They were the sons of Captain Hayier.”

Nenani was quiet a moment. “I remember his sword. It had thrones on it. The one they think killed him.”

Barnaby’s eyes turned sad and empathetic and he sighed. “Your father was a good man. Dedicated to his duty and family. All sons of Thorn Guards were under immense pressure to perform and live up to expectations. Competition for high ranks was fierce and even being the son of the captain was not a guarantee of a rank. He earned his mark. As did his brother. I am sorry to know that fate was not so kind to him in the end.”  

“So would that make her a Daelg?” Keral asked suddenly. “Or was it Daeleg? I was never much for studying all them Silvaaran Houses.”  

“You had it correct, sir. It is Daelg. Unless there was another pair of brothers named Hayron and Halden in the Thorn Guard,” the archivist replied with a grin. “I would be most confident that you’re family name is Daelg.”  

The name did not stir any memories and it felt foreign and odd. However, she was not nearly as curious in regards to the name as the revelation that Barnaby had known her father. She had questions now. So many questions. But mostly, she just wanted to know him more. It seemed forever ago that he died. A whole world away in another time. Another life even.  

“So, she is highborn?” Jae asked, glancing between Barnaby and Nenani. “I don’t have to start calling her m’lady do I?”

Keral snorted into his drink and turned away to cough into his elbow.  

“No, the Thorn Guards were not nobility,” Barnaby replied, amused. “They were in a caste all their own. Above merchants and below Nobles. Once upon a time, marriage between them and highborns was permitted, but it was almost always for a financial gain or the belief that the two would produce exceptional progeny. However it fell out of favor decades prior to the war and in someways expressly forbidden in the name of blood purity. The King and therefore his court were all obsessed with the idea of pure blood. The more pure the line, the higher chance that they would produce a mage of fire.”

“Fire Mages.” Keral added with a final and disdainful cough to clear the tea from his lungs. “Crazy bunch of inbreds.”  

“So,” Jae asked. “Speaking of Mages and all that. What exactly is a smoke mage, then? If that’s what you think might be skulking around the countryside killing Vhasshalans.”  

“It is an ancient variety of deviant magic. So rare, there does not seem to be any contemporary sources ever describing the existence of one,” Barnaby replied. “But when I was a lad, I was told that a smoke mage is a fire mage that sinned so greatly that the Gods stripped them of their blessing and their fire and leaving only the smoldering ruin of a person. Cursed to wander the world, creating chaos, and suffering in their wake.”

“Well,” Keral said, standing and stretching out his back. “Smoke mage or not, I’ll be needin’ more to work with than an old folk tale. I appreciate your help lads, but until we know more, the only thing to be done is to be out there scoutin’ and reportin’.”  

“You’re going back out?” Jae asked. “You just got back.”

“Not tonight. I’ll be with the boys organizing the routes first. First light tomorrow, perhaps,” Keral regarded the boy with a lopsided grin. “Why? D’ya miss me when I ain’t here to hold yer hand, lad?”

Jae glared at the giant. “No.”

“Yer welcome t’use my room when I’m out if ya be needin’ a place to hold up,” Keral said. “Beats sleepin’ in them moldy tunnels.”

Jae glowered, his cheeks flushed. “No thanks. Your room smells like armpits. Besides, I like the tunnels. You bastards can’t go in after me.”

“Young master Jae,” Barnaby snapped indignantly. “I cannot condone such language. Least of all when a young lady is present.”

“It always amazed me how that for a King’s ward,” Maevis observed with a suppressed grin. “Your decorum lessons never have seemed to find proper purchase.”  

“Warren does not keep me around to lick his boot,” Jae quipped with a shrug. “He’s got advisers and the court for that.”

Keral laughed. “Ah, well if ya changed yer mind about the room, the offer stands. Y’know the way in.”

The ranger gave his made his excuses and an apology to Maevis’s for leaving him with all the books to put away, but the magician wave him off.  

“Nonsense. You never put them back in their proper place when you do feel inclined to return them, so it matters not. I know you have your duties to perform and would hate to keep you from them. I will let you know if I find anything that might be of use.”  

With a grin and a wave, the ranger was gone.  

[emisonme]

Señorita..................

My opinion on this song, is already known, but I will reiterate...This is Camila's song. She wrote it. She wasn't allowed to release it on her album, or under her current image, so she turned it into a duet with Canada. It's a win,win. She gets her song out there, and they both benefit from it. I love the song, and I wasn't even all that put out by the video.  There were moments I actually laughed out loud, at his awkwardness.

Camila wrote this song, about the same person she has written the majority of all her songs about, thus far. Listen to NBTS, Consequences, Bad Things, Into It, Find You Again...etc, then listen to Señorita. They all pretty much express the same subject matter, about the same person. The same person she has been writing songs about, since she was 16 years old.

I'll go as far as to say, this song, is a more mature revamped version of "Like Friends Do", that she wrote when she was 17 years old. She did say, she was going to take concepts from songs she wrote when she was younger, and rework them. Señorita, to me, is one of those songs.

One more thing, before we dive into it. Camila said she KNEW this song was going to piss off SOME of her fans. I ask you, which fans do you think she KNEW this duet with Canada, would upset? Ewmila shippers? There weren't any. Shmila shippers? Why would they be pissed? They are getting exactly what they want, at the moment. Camilizers? They are getting new music, so they can shut the hell up, about not getting any new content. The General Public? They could care less. They just want good music.

There's only one group of her fans left. She knew, this duet would send some of her LGBTQ+ fans, specifically fans of Camren, into a pissed off frenzy. She knows her fans well, because she was right.

It's unfortunate people couldn't see through all the bullshit, because Señorita is a really good song. Camila is wonderful at telling a story through her lyrics, and she likes to make you feel and think, right along with her.

One of the things I find interesting, is Canada's verse is filled with the pronouns her/she. On the flip side, Camila's verse, chorus, and outro (but for the one line of his), is all gender neutral, with you/ya/me/I. His part is memories  about them. She is directly talking to them.

Another interesting thing, is the way the first line is constructed. To comma, or not to comma, that is the question. Without the comma, Camila loves it when she is called Señorita. With the comma, Camila loves it when her Señorita calls her. The latter makes more sense, with the rest of the song, considering she is in a hidden/closeted relationship with them.

So, Camila loves it when her girl calls her, but at the same time... [[[ I wish I could pretend I didn't need ya, but every touch is ooo la la la, it's true la la la, Oh, I should be runnin, but oh you keep me coming for ya.]]]... She wishes she could at least pretend she didn't. In other words, this crush is crushing her, and she's having a hard time pretending that it isn't. (see what I mean about how easy it is to make the connection)

But, every time Lauren (her crush) touches her, it shoots feeling to places that does not help the situation. Yep, sure does. She knows she should be running from her feelings, but damn it, Lauren keeps her coming right back.

Time to reminisce about the past. The first half, of the first verse, is very reminiscent of their first encounter. There was something about Lauren, (we all know what it was) that gave Camila a strong desire to walk up to this girl she didn't know, and complement her. We all know what she wanted to complement, but the quick thinker she is, she complemented Lauren's shirt, instead.

Camila was so enamored by Lauren, she felt the need to also complement her voice and her beauty, to her mother. (That should tell you something) Everything about Lauren,  had sweat dripping off Camila, before she even knew her name. It made her feel like, ooo la la la!!!

The second part of the first verse, is memories of yet another time and place. [[[ Sapphire and moonlight, we danced for hours in the sand. Tequila sunrise, her body fit right in my hands, la la la, it felt like ooo, la la la.]]] Kind of like, "sneakin in LA when the lights are low, off of one touch I could overdose." (there's lots of NBTS similarities) Honestly, this could have taken place in LA, Miami, or even Puerto Rico while they were out skinny dipping, for all we know.

The funny thing is, the MV depicted none of this. We got the scenes that lead up to the lyrics. There was no sapphire moonlight (consequences video anyone). You could hardly call what we seen, dancing, let alone dancing for hours in sand. There wasn't even any damn sand.

Let's put aside the characters that were being played for the public. Camila has never been a waitress, and the way Canada was jerking those handlebars on that motorcycle, I'd be surprised if he's ever really driven one. Thank God for green-screen, or they'd both be in trouble.

Instead, let's focus on what the MV is actually showing us. It's showing us that two people were like "holy shit", at first glance. When they seen each other again, they were both interested, but one was more confident about their feelings, than the other. One walked away. The other was all, "nope, not giving up that easy", and waited for the other. They walk away, again, but the other is like, "wait.  I'm into you, you're into me. Don't let fear stop us from exploring these feelings." The other gives in, and they are off...Sounds kind of familiar, when you pay more attention to what we are being shown, instead of who we are being shown it by, doesn't it?

Now, we get the chorus, again, but this time we get the added line, [[[ I wish it wasn't so damn hard to leave ya.]]] They are now, spending time together, exploring their feelings for each other...But they are doing it in secret.

Camila reiterates this in the second verse. This verse is describing a physical, but closeted/secret relationship. It is also chocked full of sexual innuendo. Fair WARNING...when I get into the second part of Camila's verse, I will take it there. I'm going to go where the lyrics are taking me. So if you don't like sex talk, you might want to skip it. I'll WARN it again, before I write it.

Before I get into the second verse, let me explain who is playing who, in the video, and when. When Camila is singing, she is playing herself, and Canada is playing Lauren. When Canada is singing, he is playing Camila, and Camila is playing Lauren. Remember, this is her song. When you re-watch the video, with who is playing who, and when, it all makes a lot more sense. Except for the nightclub scene and hotel scene, the video is showing us what we know, the lyrics are telling us what we didn't get to see. Got it?

Moving on. Lauren finally gave in to her feelings, but not her fears. That's why their physical relationship was secretly hidden behind closed doors. (The Industry is the other reason, and why it is still being hidden behind lies and stunts)

[[[ Locked in the hotel, there's just some things that never change. You say we're just friends, but friends don't know the way you taste.]]]

Like I said, Lauren gave into her feelings, but not her fears. She wanted to be with Camila, but she wanted to hide it, especially from her family. So, not only was their physical relationship conducted in the closet, or behind locked doors, but she was also telling everyone, especially her family, that her and Camila were just friends. That is one of the worse feelings. It sucks!!!

In my Consequences post, I mentioned, there comes a time when being in a closeted relationship, becomes tiresome and toxic. This is especially toxic, when one of the partners is actually out of the private closet, and is basically being forced back in.

This is what I think Camila is referring to, when she said Lauren says they are "just friends". I don't think Lauren was hooking up with Camila, in hotel rooms, and telling her, "hey girl, don't catch feelings. We are just friends, nothing more. Now, get over here and let me stick my tongue down your throat." She was telling EVERYONE else, they were just friends, out of pure fear. (Most of us can relate to both sides of this coin.)

Here's where their relationship went from PG13 to NC17. It went from secret crush, to mutual crush, to make out sessions behind locked doors, to...ooo la la la.

[[[ Cause, you know it's been a long time coming, don't ya let me fall, oh]]] Yep, it went from making out, to a lot more. They both knew it would get to this point, eventually. Camila just hopes it would mean something to Lauren, instead of her freaking out and regretting it, leaving Camila to fall... alone.

WARNING.................... Now we get to the sexy sexual innuendo......[[[ Ooh, when your lips undress me, hooked on your tongue. Ooh, love, your kiss is deadly, don't stop.]]]

Oh yeah, Camila went there. This isn't describing some hot and steamy lip lock, with tongue wrestling involves. This is describing sooo much more.

Undressing someone with your lips, is so much fun, and being undresses by someones "kiss" is damn near torture. It's when you kiss  your way from the lips, to the jawline, down the neck, over the collar bone, to the twin peaks that are waiting for attention, down the torso, to your ultimate destination, and where she needs you the most.

Once the tongue gets involved, it's the "deadliest kiss" that you don't want to end, but leaves you quivering and weak. It makes you out of breath, clinched fists, arched back, and legs uncontrollably slamming closed around their head. And, if you are lucky, you get to paint her in your golden kiss, with honey dripping from your lips. Yep, another connection made, and she did go there. (I'm just going where the lyrics take me, folks. No hate!!!) .......................

Moving on. Now that we know what the lyrics are telling us, what is the video showing us? The video is showing us, two people that are nervous and scared... but ready. They both know, if they go there, there is no turning back.

Lauren is sitting on the bed. (forget Canada taking off the shirt. That was nothing but fan service) Camila is nervous, but she knows, she is the one that will have to take control of the situation. Be gentle, and reassuring. Make Lauren comfortable with the situation. move forward, but let her ultimately feel in control. (she loves control, after all)

Camila walks up, and coaxes them along, by pulling up on the chin. She takes a deep breath to steady her own nerves, then makes the ultimate move that takes them forward. She pulls up for the kiss that creates the ultimate feeling of desire, and makes Lauren forget all about her fear. She feels in control.

Then we get the chorus and the outro. The line [[[ I wish it wasn't so damn hard to leave ya.]]] They spend the majority of their alone time, locked away, living in their own little fantasy land. Eventually, you have to leave the room, and go back to the fucked up world, of reality. It's so damn hard to leave that room, and go back to pretending to be "just friends".

The outro tells us, [[[ All along I've been coming for ya. and I hope it means something to you]]]. It has ALWAYS been Lauren. Camila just had to wait for Lauren to accept herself, and her feelings. She just hoped, when they took their relationship to the next step, Lauren wouldn't regret the hell out of it.

Again, the video shows us, what we already know. There wasn't necessarily regret, but there was a bit of a freak out, and Lauren "ran". She didn't really run away from Camila, she just had to take some time to think, and figure her shit out.

Camila, picked herself up, pulled down her skirt, and waited......We all know, eventually, her Señorita figured her shit out, and ran right back into Camila's arms.

[supercasey]

Nomad of Nowhere Modern Twins AU Camping Shenanigans

I did this because I have fucking writer’s block and my new medication for my depression/anxiety is making me feel a bit sucky as I get used to it, so here, have some antics that I may or may not try writing/drawing sometime.

I’m gonna set this camping trip when Hunter and Skout are in high school (both 15) and Melinda is still in elementary school (9).

For context, Benjamin and Annabeth are absolutely nature enthusiasts- I mean, they built their own fucking house for crying out loud!- so camping trips aren’t all that out of place for them, but this time they insist that their oldest kids bring their friends from school along! (Last time they brought some of Melinda’s friends, they accidentally started a fire, and no one wants to relive that shit.)

Skout brings Toth, who’s nervous AF to meet Skout’s parents (she knows they’re pretty damn accepting and in a polyam relationship, but I doubt anyone’s all that excited to meet their significant other’s folks), while Hunter brings the Three Amigos, which of course includes Null, who he only just started dating in secret.

While Ben and Anna are really freaking hyped for the trip, Adrian is a bit less excited, as he fucking loathes outdoor activities of any kind (the family has countless pictures of them all together after a hike, and Adrian always looks close to passing out in them), but he’s excited to meet his kids’ friends!

The whole group road trips to a nice forest that they can camp in, but due to the size of their crew, they split into two vans: Benjamin, Annabeth, Skout, Toth, and Melinda are in one van, with Adrian, Hunter, Null, Santi, and Jethro are in the other.

The road trip is a fucking MESS; Ben and Anna keep arguing over directions (despite Skout offering her phone for GPS, also Ben can’t drive at all but Anna drives like a maniac), so they get lost for several hours.

In the meantime, Adrian’s van is loud AF, since the Three Amigos are a pretty rowdy bunch, and Hunter convinced his dad to let him choose the music, which is just Lemon Demon at top volume for several hours straight. Adrian is in hell and it’s Touch-Tone Telephone on repeat.

Thankfully, once they get to the campsite, things are looking up... except that Don Paragon’s family has their giant ass RV parked directly next to the family’s campsite, and Don brought Red Manuel along because his parents told him to bring a friend from school. Needless to say, none of the teens are happy to see each other outside of school.

Santi and Jethro almost get fucking lost in the woods at some point, but they end up finding a really nice little unpolluted lake to swim in when they do. They run and grab Hunter and Null to go swimming, and it’s fun until Don shows up and bitches about how since his family is wealthier, it’s his and (I guess) Red’s private lake to swim in (it isn’t), and how if they don’t leave he’ll call the cops on them (he wouldn’t).

During this rant, Toth and Skout finally catch up to the boys, and seeing Don Paragon doing his usual BS, Toth simply picks him up and tosses him into the lake, getting his fancy bathrobe and slippers soaked.

Don goes OFF, but gets cut off when Skout, who’s stronger than she looks, picks up Red and tosses him in on top of Don. Everyone laughs (even Red, though he’s smart enough to hide it), before continuing with their swim (though Don still bitches the whole time).

Meantime, the parents aren’t doing much better. Ben and Anna start engaging in a sort of “Parent Contest” with Don Paragon’s folks, trying to insist that they’re cooler parents/have better kids.

Ben vs Don’s Dad is a lot more hostile/direct, while Anna vs Don’s Mom is a lot more passive aggressive and soccer mom-like.

Ben: “Oh, yer son’s got straight A’s? Well mine can fuckin’ backflip ‘n clap at the same damn time! How ya like dat, Michael!?”

Anna: “Aw, Karen, your son is such a sweet boy! :) Remember the time he made Hunter cry, so Skout threw him off a jungle gym? :)) They grow up so fast! :)))”

Meanwhile, Adrian and the Paragon family’s butler shoot the shit over some beers and ignore their companions’ bullshit.

Despite all of the arguing earlier, Don’s folks are convinced that Hunter and Don are best friends for some reason, so they insist on doing a huge family cookout, which everyone else begrudgingly agrees to, if only because Ben is excited about eating free “rich people food” (which Adrian reminds him isn’t all that better than middle class food, but whatever).

In short; El Rey (Adrian’s dog) eats a bunch of raw hotdogs and pukes them up in Anna’s purse, Skout and Toth almost kiss but Hunter accidentally ruins it by playing his guitar right next to them, Melinda keeps sneaking punches at Don when no one’s looking because that bitch made her big bro cry a lot when he was younger, Ben accidentally sets his poncho on fire, and Null, Santi, and Jethro all get food poisoning from Adrian’s under-cooked hamburgers.

At one point, Nomad (Hunter’s cat) runs off after hearing a loud bang from the woods. At this point, it’s really late at night, and Nomad is a black cat, so no one can find him. Hunter goes into hysterics, as Nomad is his closest friend/therapy cat, so after all the parents go to bed, the teens agree to put aside their differences and go to find Nomad.

Don, of course, makes it about himself and insists he’ll find the cat first, and when he does, he expects Hunter (he makes a mean joke about Skout needing to do it for him) to give him a sincere thank you, and then an apology for his family’s horrid behavior towards him! With that, he storms off, Red Manuel hot on his heels but looking a bit... frustrated? How very weird.

Hunter is so freaked out, he just starts running through the woods looking for Nomad, but luckily for him, Melinda can keep up with him. She’s trying to get him to go back to the campsite, as he’s too worked up to be looking for Nomad, and after trying and failing to talk him into listening to her, Melinda simply sits down and fake-sobs, saying she’s scared. Snapped out of it by big brother instincts, Hunter picks her up and takes her back to camp to wait with her until someone finds Nomad.

Seeing as the Three Amigos are as sick as El Rey was earlier (oh dear god, did Anna flip about the puke in her purse), it’s up to Skout, Toth, Don, and Red to find Nomad.

Toth and Skout use the time to talk in privacy, discussing future plans and how this trip has gone. Skout is embarrassed, worried that Toth hated this trip/hates her family, while Toth is convinced she made a bad impression on Skout’s parents. It’s a bit awkward, but they manage to convey their worries to each other and have them reassured away.

During this moment, they end up in a nice little clearing with dandelions sprouting everywhere. Skout laughs, and says something about how although she thinks the Dandy Lion mascot at school is dumb, she’s always loved dandelions. Toth, in response, plucks the largest one and braids it into Skout’s hair.

Skout’s Honor finally gets their fucking kiss, since up until now it’s kept almost happening, but due to public embarrassment/awkwardness, they’ve held back. Now though, away from everyone, they get enough privacy to have their first ever kiss.

Of course, it doesn’t last long before Red Manuel pokes his head through the trees and asks what tf they’re doing. Both girls go scarlet, insisting it was nothing, while Red simply cackles.

Toth goes to punch him in the jaw, but stops mid-swing when Red, in a panic, holds up Nomad to stop her.

Both Toth and Skout are baffled, surprised that Red managed to catch Nomad. Toth, who’s never much liked Red, asks why tf he’s not trying to use Nomad as leverage over them, or better yet, why didn’t he give Nomad to Don so he could use the cat to bully Hunter some more.

For the first time ever, Red seems genuinely upset with Don, and vents to the couple that Don Paragon’s been an asshole to him the entire trip, and only brought him along to make himself look good in front of his parents. He goes on to say that Don ordered him not to talk in front of his folks, and although Red hated the very idea, he agreed because it was better than staying at home with his mom all summer.

Skout grows concerned immediately, and tries to ask about Red’s mom, but he clams up, insisting that Skout just take her brother’s dumb cat (who seems to really like Red) because he doesn’t want to listen to Hunter freak out anymore.

After Hunter is finally reunited with Nomad, he’s absolutely ecstatic, hugging his cat while dancing around with joy. Once Skout tells him that Red Manuel found Nomad, Hunter doesn’t hesitate to run and hug him. Red obviously enjoys the affection, but he tries to play it off nonetheless.

Don eventually finds out that Nomad was found, and freaks tf out about how he was supposed to find him, and that he was supposed to get an apology, dammit!

Toth fucking snaps, telling Don straight up that he’s a piece of shit and should just be happy that Nomad got found, to which Don says pointblank that he wishes Nomad had gotten eaten by a bear, if only so he could see that “R-slur mute’s” face when he found the cat’s remains. Hunter starts crying, horrified by the mental imagery, while Don laughs at him, calling Hunter a pussyboy for crying. Red Manuel, in his rage at his so-called friend’s terrible behavior, punches Don in the dick.

Don is Surprised Pikachu Face(TM), because what tf is Red doing? He’s supposed to be Don’s little yes-man! Tbh, everyone is shocked, and Red finally loses his shit, shouting that Don is an awful fucking friend, and that he resents even knowing him.

((Me? Craving a future Red Manuel Redemption Arc(TM) almost as much as Season 2 of NoN? It’s more likely than you think.))

By now, the parents start waking up, and Don’s dad asks his son what’s going on. Smirking, and with his back turned to his father, Don says that Red is going to be going home with Hunter’s family, as he believes he’s about to strand Red in the wilderness as payback.

Red is freaked out, and makes to beg for Don’s forgiveness, when Skout outright confirms that yes, Red is coming with them, because Red is their friend!

Don is shocked again, but his parents just shrug and tell everyone to go back to bed. Adrian and Ben (the only ones who woke up, because Anna’s a heavy sleeper) are confused, but when Skout tells them that Red needs a ride later, they just shrug and say something like “Eh, what’s one more fucking kid?”

Red is nervous as fuck the next morning, still reeling over what he said to Don, but everyone (even the Three Amigos, who are all still pretty sick) assure him that he did the right thing.

Ben, Anna, and Adrian agree to pack up a bit early that morning, on account of the Paragon family terrorizing them, the Three Amigos getting sick, and almost losing Nomad. However, to make up for the short and crazy trip, they offer to host a slumber party at their house for all the teens, which everyone is on-board with.

Red’s a bit hesitant to agree, and says they can just drop him off near his place and he can leave them be, but Ben, sensing the kid’s anxiety, assures him that he’s welcome to stay with them for the night. After Skout tells him the same thing (with Hunter nodding in agreement), Red agrees, and has an awesome time with everyone!

At the start of the next school year (sophomore year/10th grade), Red Manuel goes back to hanging out with Don Paragon, but he’s noticeably less mean to the twins, and even gets caught helping Hunter pick up his books a few times when Don knocks them out of his hands in the hall.

Sorry, this kinda ended up as more of an “I love Red Manuel, or at least, my characterization of him” rant, but oh well, I hope y’all like my dumb rambling anyways!

[brownstonearmy]

2020-09-05: Juiced! (Part 4)

August 6 (Thursday late afternoon)

Today's adventure picks up in the late afternoon after a perfectly average workday. Earlier in the day, Spleenifer received a surprise "gift" from the aspiring necromancer from the previous adventure: a gently-used display model of the spinning princess casket that she had been eyeing the other day. It even has the label attached! "The rave from the grave that puts the FUN in funeral!" it reads. Perhaps this is an indicator that the wannabe-necromancer is trying to turn over a new leaf and make better life (unlife?) decisions?

After clocking out for the evening, the party convenes at Jangles' house to discuss what they should do about Zaribeth Quickfingers. Jangles mentions that Zaribeth is a successful businessperson that is probably using her various business operations to hide something shady. Lucky needs clarification on several points in the discussion because it gets difficult to differentiate between regular idioms and innuendos in this group. If Zaribeth is running a shady operation of any real significance, there's likely to be some sort of bookkeeping or paper trail somewhere that can be used as evidence. If the party can find that, they stand a real chance of thwarting Zaribeth's plans.

But before the conversation can conclude, Jangles shushes the party. Someone's tripped the magical alarms on the perimeter of Jangles's house! Q (who goes as Razzle today), tells Jangles to go hide just as the lock to the front door clicks open and several muffled whispers reach the back room where the party is hiding out.

Razzle starts a diversion with a stellar performance mourning the loss of their lover, Jangles. Tears flow, along with plenty of wailing and gnashing of teeth. The intruders weren't expecting anyone to be here, but they try to play it cool and announce that they are police who are collecting evidence as part of a continuing investigation against Jangles.

Lucky grabs a jar of fart powder from Jangles's work desk and turns herself invisible. She creeps out into the front room and sees three people in street clothes poking around. These folks sure don't look like members of the constabulary, so Lucky tosses a cloud of the fart powder into the air so it covers the trespassers. Spleenifer grabs some more fart powder for good measure, because you can never have too much flatulence in this game.

Two of the three get enough of the powder in their mouths to cause a coughing fit that quickly turns into a belching fit before progressing into a continuous burp. They grasp their throats to help air get in, but it's only flowing in one direction right now. Don't get this stuff in your lungs, folks, because there's only one way for the gas to escape, ya dig? The one who avoided the worst of the powder drags his companions out of the house and tries to escape from whence they came.

Razzle, Lucky, and Spleenifer follow the three amigos back to a shady-looking warehouse. Lucky is still invisible, and Razzle is sneaking through the shadows like a ninja. But poor tall Spleenifer, clad in noisy chainmail takes the most direct path to gain access to warehouse: asking politely to be let in (though only doing so at the suggestion of an invisible Lucky). The guard informs her that Yance is the only other person allowed in the warehouse aside from the lumpers and dockhands.

Yance is the only way to get in? LUCKY ACCEPTS THIS CHALLENGE. She casts Seeming and now Razzle is Yance and Lucky is Razzle. It's like Inception, but with layers of people instead of dreams. Anyway, Razzle-Yance walks up to the guard and asks to be let in along with his companions, Lucky-Razzle and Tall Lady. Yes, Spleenifer is introduced as Tall Lady, because you have to use a fake name when infiltrating a shady warehouse. That's just how it is, folks; I don't make the rules!

Several people of questionable moral integrity are standing around, and I know you're not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but you'd understand if you looked at these covers. One person is sitting on a stack of crates with a box full of rings that he seems to be counting, while the others merely eye the new arrivals with disinterest.

Razzle-Yance makes an executive decision to enter one of the rooms just off the main warehouse floor, silently hoping that it doesn't contain Original-Yance. Good news, there's just more crates and a desk in here! Lucky-Razzle asks Tall Lady to stand watch for a moment "for reasons" while she shuts the door. Lucky-Razzle's actual reasons are to loot the room, but she starts making loud suggestive sounds as a decoy. Razzle-Yance joins in the charade as they both inspect crates for anything of value.

During a particularly strenuous round of bedroom vocalizations, Razzle-Yance hears a thump inside one of the desk drawers, despite not touching the desk. Inside the drawer is a pile various papers and a false bottom that reveals a leatherbound journal with only 10 pages. Lucky-Razzle finds a pile of assorted spices that naturally get relocated to her satchel. And in case it becomes relevant to the plot, here's what she snagged:

Powdered pecans

White Pepper

Anise

Nutmeg

Cinnamon

Cloves

Cardamon

Nutmeg

When Razzle-Yance opens the journal, "Hey where are we on the deal?" is the only thing written on the first page. But before they can close the journal, more writing scrawls on the page. ""Did you find it yet? We need leverage soon."

Back in the central part of the warehouse, Tall Lady is still standing guard. One of the warehouse guards saunters over and tries to talk her up. Tall Lady responds by discussing at length the pain in her hip when waking up. But that just leaves room for the sleazy warehouse to try a pickup line. He's a hip specialist, you know! And he'd be glad to take a look at it in the other back room if she's interested.

Surprisingly, Tall Lady agrees, but not for the reasons you might think. The clueless john thinks he's gonna get a tall order of Tall Lady hanky panky, but Spleenifer would like for him to drink a tall glass of Respecting Women Juice. Of course, things do not go according to plan for either of them.

Inside the other back room, Holden Harcourt and Yance Elbereth are huddled around a table discussing business matters. Yance hasn't been able to find Brynnan's ring, and Yance lost most of his leverage with Brynnan by trading the horn to him. Holden and Yance both turn to the interlopers. Holden remembers Tall Lady from his previous arrangement to return Trashpit to the sewers in exchange for finishing the work of relocating the treasure. Perhaps Tall Lady could be a potential ally, and naturally he explains this in monologue form. Important talking points follow:

Holden wants to be the wealthiest person in town

Lawrence Stout cheated him out of a business deal, and Holden wants him bankrupted

Maybe Tall Lady and friends might be interested in a strategic partnership

Tall Lady extends her hand to make the deal. Holden does the same and a handshake happens. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! Tall Lady stomps on Holden's foot and dumps her share of the fart powder directly into his mouth. Holden starts gasping, then belching followed by the signature Continuous Burp. We don't negotiate with terrorists in this group!

A crack of lightning blasts through the northern wall of the warehouse and everyone's favorite douchelord walks into the fray. He has no quarrel with the party today, but Brynnan knows that Yance and Holden have been conspiring against him to find the ring. They won't find it, because it's in a secure location, but Brynnan's been doing some scrying of his own and knows where Holden keeps a certain important journal. Mind you, Holden can't stop burping and Brynnan casts Dispel Magic on him. Not be polite or anything, just to get Holden to shut up long enough for Brynnan to do his own Bad Guy Monologue.

Razzle-Yance is sneaking out the back door before things get too heated, but an invisible Lucky-Razzle is still in the room where the journal was recovered. Brynnan struts over to the drawer and rips out the false bottom... and the journal is still there? Lucky-Razzle used her minor illusion abilities to conjure up an illusory duplicate of the journal. Except she doesn't know what's actually in the real journal so she filled its pages with diary entries about Hilaria.

Holden interrupts Brynnan's monologue and tells him that the journal he has isn't what he thinks it is. It's just the way Holden and his boss communicate. Brynnan throws a tantrum and blasts a hole in the ceiling with another lightning bolt. Then he casts Chain Lightning on the occupants of the warehouse.

Lucky-Razzle unleashes a wild magic counterspell to stop the destructive lightning and succeeds. The lightning bolts are replaced with puppies that are running around and doing other regular puppy things. Brynnan grabs Holden by the collar and flies through the hole in the ceiling. He's gonna make sure Lawrence Stout bankrupts Holden, and that Holden is alive to see it. And then he drops Holden, who crashes into crates below.

But Lucky-Razzle has yet another trick up her sleeve! She breaks out the Mizzium Apparatus and uses it to cast Vicious Mockery on Brynnan. Brynnan’s delicate psyche takes the full brunt of the mockery and the insults rattle around enough to make it difficult for Brynnan to keep track of everything in the heat of the battle.

Original-Yance flips up the hood of his cloak and tries to sneak out before Brynnan notices him. Bird wings sprout from Original-Yance's cloak and he flies up and away. Or at least he would have done so, had Brynnan not cast Wall of Force in the air right above Original-Yance and the resulting collision knocked him out and sent straight to a hot date with the cold ground.

Lucky-Razzle runs over to Original-Yance and shouts "Lucky!" as though Original-Yance was actually an illusion worn by Lucky. I'm not gonna call him Lucky-Original-Yance, but only because there's already a lot of hyphens in the names from this adventures. This is some quality misdirection work on Lucky-Razzle's part, and Brynnan falls for the ruse.

Razzle-Yance is fleeing through the eastern alley, and Brynnan's aerial perspective allows to see the person he thinks is the real Yance trying to escape. He blasts Razzle-Yance with a Cone of Cold, but they're still standing. Brynnan announces that he's going to mercifully let Yance live because he still has the potential to acquire more artifacts for Brynnan.

Tall Lady whips her casket out like a beyblade and rushes into action to save her companions. Lucky-Razzle and Original-Yance hop in, though Original-Yance requires some assistance because he is clearly suffering from the effects of a concussion. The casket drifts and weaves through narrow streets and alleyways as Brynnan gives chase.

Razzle-Yance steps through a Dimension Door to end up in front of the mayor's house and divert Brynnan's attention. The casket crew are dodging boxes and uneven cobblestones to try to get Original-Yance some medical attention from Mom at the fighter's guild, but Brynnan is gaining on them. In a last-ditch effort to force Brynnan to retreat, Lucky-Razzle polymorphs a passing bird into a giant Roc. Continuing the chase proves to be too much effort for Brynnan, and he nopes out of there with prayer hands and a teleport.

Mom fixes Original-Yance back up, though he's still gonna have a headache in the morning. Original-Yance is offered Kalani's old cot at SHART HQ to sleep off his injuries. After all, he could be a valuable source of information.

While all this is happening, Razzle-Yance is running back to their apartment for safety. Remember to secure your own oxygen mask before attempting to assist others, as the traditional medieval saying goes. Once Razzle-Yance makes it to safety, the journal thumps in their pocket. They take out the journal and see that there is more writing on the page: "Heard sounds of a lightning fight, everything okay? I think we should relocate the books to Salem's in the meantime. In the usual box."

And on that little note, the adventure concludes for the evening. Stay tuned next time for more!

[cursedfanficdelicateogs]

Amalgam

Word count: 4638

Ice cream isn’t exactly a priority during the apocalypse. 

Especially if you’re an amputee.

And yet at the moment, Herman’s main problem is whether or not he can fetch a second helping of banana soft serve. 

And well, if he could stop watching the Bee Movie right about now. 

“Sorry if you don’t like banana,” Dr. Salmaki said, spooning out more ice cream. “But it’s not like dairy products can last very long these days.” Laughing, she pulled out the gold flower from her hair and tucked it back in at the crease behind her ear; an odd look for a woman in her mid-60s. Even more strange was that sunflowers still existed in this world. It was small, a blossom you would drive by on a summer afternoon but never know the name of. Unfitting to the world right about now, but it blended right into her hoarding garden Herman examined with the turn of his eyes.

Shrubs, trees, vines shrouded the room like a terrarium, except this time he wasn’t looking from the outside in. He was part of the lizards or bugs, trapped, with its wild chirp lost from the sense of overwhelming security. There was no need to try and survive. 

He could sort of understand why those lizards died so quickly now. 

Then again, he wasn’t a lizard.

“Not a fan of the Bee Movie?” Dr. Salmaki asked, turning the television off. Barry and Vanessa disappeared from the boxy screen with a blink of light, their animated voices cut off with a high-pitched click. Dr. Salmaki reached for her cane and pressed the eject button on the remote control, the VHS sliding out and hitting the ground. 

He had forgotten how much he missed technology.

He shook his head, nonetheless. 

“I’m not a fan of cartoons in general, I guess,” he replied. 

“You get used to them once they are the only source of entertainment you have.” She paused. “Too literally in this case, considering it’s the only cartoon I have.” She chuckled again. 

What was so funny?

“I’m never really home, so I guessed this crappy kids’ movie would be enough if I ever had to stay here at home for more than a day. Now look at me, my television is only useful to watch some anthropomorphic bees destroy the environment.” She said, smiling. He remained quiet, not sure how to respond. 

“Not much of a talker, hm?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. Herman sipped up whatever was left in his bowl. 

Melted bananas. His new favorite food. 

“There’s not much to talk about,” he replied simply. 

A pause of silence. Dr. Salmaki smiled, snickering as if he was some sort of pet. 

“Looks like you’ve got a story, though.” She remarked, tapping his one foot with her cane.

He instinctively grabbed what was left of his right thigh, a burning shot firing down his limb. 

Herman’s heart raced.

Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-

The pain disappeared once his fingers made contact with the leg. 

He was the butt of his body’s own sick joke. 

“Please don’t do that.” 

“Sorry.” 

Another pause of silence. 

“I used to have friends.”

Dr. Salmaki set her cane to the side. 

“I wasn’t sure what happened to them now, especially after the meteor. Perhaps they could afford government-funded panic rooms, with their suburban wealth and all. Our family could’ve been a part of the system, too, if it weren’t for me. 

Some, like my sister and I, stayed in communal panic rooms. These shelters were offered by local folk who supposedly took pity on us and our pleading parents. 

There was only enough food for two more people, so mom and dad offered to go find some more for themselves and the rest of the group.  

Fate had better places for them. 

I never contributed much to the team. I focused on sports in school, so I wasn’t as smart as the others. At least my sister could go out and scavenge. She had a pretty voice, and combine that with our dusty, out-of-tune guitar and there you go, sanity was restored for a few hours. 

It wasn’t my fault I didn't contribute anything to the group.. I couldn’t magically grow a limb back, and my body rejected the prosthetics available. But the other panic room members were generally sweet and frankly quite pitiful, sharing some of their food with me. 

Food, like clothing and medical supplies, was among some of the first materials to  run out. 

As many other groups of people during the apocalypse did, we organized a scavenging party. My sister volunteered to go, despite the fact that several people urged her not to. Probably because of me. Nonetheless, she left, humming the tune to a song I have long forgotten the title to. 

I may have not spent that much time with her than I should have, but I knew certain facts about her that others were slow to catch. One thing for sure, if she was absolutely silent, she was absolutely scared. It was unfair in a way, how she could just grow up so fast while I was stuck here, still living off of other people’s pity. Either way, it was neither of our choices to do so. 

I began wondering if it was the common fate for whoever stepped out the metal door to never come back. 

Panic grew. One left and again, never came back. Rations got smaller. I found out meetings have been pushed to nighttimes when I’m asleep. 

“They’re planning to EAT you.” A pitiful woman whispered ruefully one day. 

The metal door creaked open. I fled.

Surprisingly, no one dared to mess with me. No matter how menacing they looked, they’d just look away after glancing at my missing limb. It may be the apocalypse, but it takes a long time to just lose the pity from someone. 

The most conflict I ever got was when I encountered some sort of gang along the way. They laughed at my amputation crudely, and they threw me some food like they were feeding some birds at a park. They said they’re not heartless to the point they would kill a cripple, immediately after shooting one of their members for 'wasting ammunition’.

...They showed me how to get to a place that would offer some food and shelter for a short time. When I thought I couldn’t go any further, I just saw an old woman with a flower in her hair.” He finished his story. How he got to a place where he could eat vegan ice cream for eternity. 

“I mean, who knew that person would be some sort of apocalypse millionaire?” Herman asked, laughing emptily. 

Dr. Salmaki, after listening quietly with a couple of cynical remarks, laughed wholeheartedly. 

“I'm something, but not a millionaire.” 

She sighed, a smile lingering on her expression. 

“Well, perhaps it’s not the happiest story, but it’s one indeed,” she said. 

“I guess.”

“I don’t want to waste too much of your time, y'know, listening to me, but I used to have a grandson.” 

“What happened to him?”

“Oh, wasn’t fortunate I suppose. He contracted a disease and medication wasn’t good enough for him. Perhaps it’s my fault, I promised his parents I would take care of him and yet I was always out, investigating in the laboratory.” 

They both sighed. 

“Dr. Salmaki, I don’t want to sound rude, but maybe it’s best to keep the past in the past, you know? I mean, I used to have two legs, but it’s not like I try to remind myself of it everyday. It just... helps to think about something else. Especially when you can’t do shit to help yourself with the current problem.” 

She rested her head against the seat of the plant-occupied couch. Her green eyes lost its usual inspired twinkle, but as soon as she made eye contact it was back. 

“Yes, that’s a good idea. It's no use reminiscing!” she exclaimed, laughing wholeheartedly. 

“What should I be calling you? I just realized I’ve been eating ice cream with a complete stranger.” She asked. 

“It’s Herman. I was named after a Greek god, apparently,” he replied, shrugging.

“It’s better than Artemis. You would’ve been named after a goddess of virginity.” 

They laughed.

"I’m done with angsty talking, we're not characters in a YA novel, now. How about some music?” She asked. 

“Sure.” 

Dr. Salmaki stood up, stretching out her joints. Herman grimaced internally of how many cracking sounds her body was making. 

She walked over to the counter and from the dark, seemingly pulled out a radio and something else. She carried it back to the couch and set it between the two of them. She pulled out the disc box and took out the disc inside, handing him the box. While she was figuring out how to get the old radio to work again, he examined the empty case and its flashy writing. 

Lysa and Ellie’s Playlist for the Apocalypse

It seemed to be written on plain letter paper with markers. He flipped it over to the back, and there was what he assumed was a list of the songs in this playlist. 

Paparazzi

Perfect Illusion

Applause

Aura

Government Hooker

Paper Gangsta

Dope

Bad Romance

Telephone

“I didn’t know you were a fan of Lady Gaga, Dr. Salmaki,” he said, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m not. I used to be a camp counselor for this one science camp a coupla’ years ago. It was called “Apocalyptic Science”, you probably know what it would be about based on the name. I hate prepubescents, but I was fond of these two girls, Lysa and Ellie. I dunno, they just reminded me of who I was when I was their age, maybe that’s why. Anyways, they asked me if I was a fan of Lady Gaga, and I said no. Not sure how they were able to burn a CD with explicit music at a limited technology camp, but they handed this to me on the last day as a gift.” She explained, pressing the play button. 

“What a coincidence, isn’t it?” She remarked.  

The machine whirred and clicked for a good half-minute before it finally decided to play some music. 

“We are the crowd, we’re c-coming out, got my flash on it’s true….”

He froze. 

“What’s wrong?” Dr. Salmaki asked. 

“Oh, um, it’s nothing,” he replied. 

“Your expression tells otherwise.” 

“It’s just that… I didn’t know this was the song that my sister was humming before she left, you know? I can’t believe I’m just recognizing it right now.” 

He paused, trying to figure out how he was feeling at the moment. How could he forget? She was always talking and singing about Lady Gaga. Did he simply not care to remember her favorite songs, maybe even try to share that single interest with her? 

The two of them have been through thick and thin, and yet they barely even knew each other. 

Or was it just him who knew nothing about who she really might have been?

“I feel so dumb,” he said, his voice hardly more than a whisper. 

Dr. Salmaki sighed. 

“It’s a feeling you get used to with time. I can’t know everything, even if emotions say otherwise,” she responded. 

“But anyway, there’s no use reminiscing. You’ve even said that yourself, didn’t you?” she confirmed, smiling. 

He let out a forced breath of laughter. He couldn’t contradict himself. 

“You’re right, there’s no point sulking about what I can’t change. Gotta enjoy the moment.” he replied. She laughed heartily. 

“That’s the spirit! Do amputees dance, or what?” she asked, lending him a hand. 

He smiled, using her hand and his crutch to stand himself up. 

“Of course.”

***

It’s been a few weeks since he’s been staying with Dr. Salmaki. He's learned that she not only does she have an indoor garden as her home, but she also owns a small farm of animals in her shed. Well, it’s more of a home for her pets, since she never uses them for food. But at this point, he has gotten used to a vegan diet, and it wasn’t like it was his position to complain anyway. 

“Hey, Herman, get over here for a sec.” Dr. Salmaki hollered from the other side of the house. He stopped his doodling and walked to where her voice came from. 

She was standing by the metal door, where her inventory was located. It was always locked for safety purposes, but he had no reason to step in there. But he respected her choice nonetheless. He wasn’t planning to build suspicion by asking about it any more than he needed to, anyway. 

“What do you want?” he asked, watching as she punched in the code for the door. 

“Remember when I said this was my inventory? Well, surprise surprise, that was a lie.” 

After opening the heavy door, she turned on the lights to reveal some sort of laboratory. 

With mixed emotions and disordered questions, he hoarsely replied, 

“...What?”

“Hey, do you want to see something cool?” 

Without even waiting for a response, she filled up an empty tank with tap water and mixed in a large amount of salt with it. She then proceeded to pluck the signature flower from her hair and drop it into the water. 

The blossom seemed to shrivel for a moment, as it sunk wistfully down to the bottom. 

As he was about to ask how this was supposed to be ‘cool’, the flower’s petals suddenly began to thicken and spread out. It had bloomed as if it was an early spring morning. 

Immediately it started to form suction cups you would only see on octopi all around itself, and soon it found its way towards the glass wall and stuck itself to it. It slithered around, the new creature's tentacles feeling around its territory. 

He watched, awestruck and but mostly disgusted. 

“It’s like a… a-”

He tried to think of the right term.

“A starfish? A squid? Close but no cigar. That’s what you get when amalgamating a Maximilian sunflower with a typical octopus,” she explained. She observed with dull eyes as if this was nothing new. 

“But how? I don’t understand how someone could just so easily do this.” he said, confused. 

“I used to be a genetic engineer. Heh, sorry lying about my profession again. But did you really think I was a BOTANIST?” she asked, chuckling softly. 

“But that still doesn’t explain how one could possibly do this. Isn’t this… I dunno, impossible?” he asked. 

“Impossible, yes. For Earth, that is.” 

“Goddamnit, that doesn’t explain anything! What are you saying, what, you’re some kind of alien?”

“Ha, I wish. We’re wasting time, Herman. Do you really want to hear this stupid story?” 

“Uh, yeah, especially now that you’re saying that we’re ‘wasting time’ for something I have zero knowledge about.” 

Dr. Salmaki sat down on one of the metal stools.

“Ugh, fine… Well, to begin, I was appointed by the government to figure out ways for people to go through the apocalypse without, ya know, dying.

We had our astronomist, botanist… pretty much the cream of the crop from each field of study. Hell, we even had a pastor. That’s how desperate the government was. We grew close, but we knew enough not to depend on each other too much. They were all intelligent people, smarter than me at least. But even the smartest people couldn’t figure out how to make the quality of living better while still remaining under budget. 

I think we gave up on what we could do with what was left of the Earth once we focused on the meteor. 

From what was concluded from the research, the meteor couldn’t have fallen ‘accidentally’ or ‘naturally’. It was either thrown by some galactic giant or was just a meteor with a very strange orbit defying all laws of physics. Both seemed pretty unlikely. The meteor was also releasing a whole new element to the environment, a substance rebelling against the laws of nature. Too bad the press barely even existed anymore, it’s a breakthrough that would’ve shocked everyone. 

We conducted all sorts of experiments with it, but with our limited resources we could only go so far until we hit another brick wall. We put safety before anything, but it’s difficult to balance security with discovery. We weren’t finding anything with lab rats. Exposing them to the meteor's element would only create some sort of gooey mutant. And we couldn’t risk losing possibly the only species alive by using something other than our abundant rats. No one wanted to die, either, despite their half-baked statements of sacrifice for the greater good.

The greater good only sounds sweet if it doesn’t involve yourself, after all. 

I think at one point the government got tired of our shindigs and complaints, so they decided to cut whatever rat’s tail funding and resources that went to us. As if the world is gonna repair itself. 

After packing up whatever I brought to the laboratory, I decided to stop and talk to the pastor who for whatever reason stayed with us until the end. 

“Why didn’t you just leave?” I asked. 

“Who am I to go against God’s will?” He asked back, calm despite the uneasy silence. 

“So it’s god’s will to set you in some safety net with guaranteed food and rest? While everyone else is suffering out there, scrambling and murdering each other for a morsel of food? Got it.”  

He chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” 

“Not a fan of Jesus, I assume?” 

“I mean, do you think I’m in this field just to worship some entity I have no knowledge or proof of its existence?” 

“It’s the whole point of faith. It’s the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” 

“Well, assurance from some outdated book isn’t enough for me. I need concrete proof, a hypothesis I’m 99 percent certain would be correct. I suppose that’s why religious people don’t make sense. You see them do ridiculous acts like bombing a village or flying into provenly dangerous lands all in the name of their gods.” 

“Precisely. Some perform dangerous crimes or actions, blinded by faith. But we are all blind in a way, since we are all sinners. What differentiates us is what leads us through that darkness and where we go because of it.” He explained. He walked into his room and came back with some sort of yellow flower in a plastic cup.

“That’s a Maximilian sunflower. How did you manage to grow it?” I asked, holding it by the makeshift pot. 

“I’ll be honest, it got a little boring to just watch everyone continue with their studies. You can keep it.” He responded. 

“I mean, thanks, but why?” 

“The sunflower symbolizes loyalty. They’re always facing the sun, even though ffor humans the sun is too bright to the point it blinds them. I feel like that was how loyal you are to science and your field. I admire it, how you proceed step-by-step to make sure the experiment is safe for all.” 

I rolled my eyes. 

“I may be passionate, but it’s not like I’m brilliant. I mean, if you’ look back you can obviously see that we haven’t seen any benefits to the new element, despite our efforts.” 

“True. So perhaps it’s time to take a leap of faith. You all have been so caught up in the hypothetical dangers of it up to this point.” He said, walking towards the door. 

“Whatever your choice may be, I have faith in you.” the pastor said, and left the laboratory. 

I looked back at the unused specimen, stored in their glass cages, tanks, or whatever environment they needed to be kept in for basic survival.

Government workers were going to come in tomorrow to clean and take everything that belonged to them. 

Quickly, I took everything that I could carry in my car. The sun has already set, and I needed to hurry if I had to make a second trip. 

It was time to make a leap of faith.” 

Dr. Salmaki finished her story. 

“And look where that leap of faith took me,” she said, pushing the curtain away and turning on the lights to the opposite side of the laboratory.

All this time, Dr. Salmaki has been hiding a plethora of animals and organisms, several of which Herman had never even seen before. 

“The meteor’s element, when used correctly, seems to have the power to amalgamate one organism with another. Strangely, it knows what traits to keep and what to throw away. It knows what characteristics have helped each organism survive in its habitat.” she explained. She walked to one glass tank and motioned him to follow. 

Inside was an egg, its shell resembling a tortoise’s.

“Of course, I’ve had failed experiments that didn’t lead me anywhere. But it just helps me learn what not to do, I suppose.” 

It seemed to crack and split open, only to reveal its exact same form. 

“An amalgamation of an unhatched chicken egg and a tortoise. This is its entire form. A shame, ain’t it? Well, it does what it does to survive, I suppose.” She said, soon dragging me to another glass crate. It seemed to be a regular hamster, except with the face of a pig. 

He grimaced. A pig’s snout just didn’t belong on a hamster. 

“The hamster’s food pouches helps it conserve food for an amount of time, and its snout can easily find food in its habitat. The tusks can help fend off predators, and its small size is helpful when escaping them. The swine’s social side and the hamster’s independent side seems to coexist. I’d consider this new species an ambivert, y’know, whatever that means to you..” She explained. 

“The most contrasting the two amalgamating organisms are, the better. Look at the egg and the tortoise, they both shield themselves with thick shells to survive. And they would. But they wouldn’t last long. Natural selection would take the best of them, considering their lack to reproduce. At least that’s what I hypothesize.” she added. She led him into another room, its door hidden behind a pillar made of amalgamations tanks stacked against each other. 

If Dr. Salmaki’s living space was overshadowed by plants, then her true laboratory was overrun by wires. 

“Don’t electrocute yourself,” she remarked jokingly. It didn’t help with his growing panic at all. He fumbled over the hazardous thicket while she weaved her way through the web she had somehow made. 

Approximately a third of the room was blocked off with glass on the opposite side. It was the only area he’s ever seen in this house empty, with the exception of a couple of unfamiliar machinery here and there. 

She sat down on an office chair, its leather wearing down into stripes of black and exposed cotton. Behind it was a long desk, just as discorded as the floors and walls. 

“Jesus Christ, Do you ever clean up, like at all?” he snapped out of anxiety. She shrugged. 

“It only wastes time from what’s really important,” she replied nonchalantly. 

With a simple hit of a button on her computer, the glass slowly began to swing open. 

“The glass worked as a divider between me and the two organisms, so I wouldn’t get amalgamated with them. But I suppose we don’t need it now, do we?” She asked, chuckling softly. 

“What’s going on?” 

“Think for yourself.” 

He took a brief moment to collect his thoughts to bring a conclusion. But what he came up with didn’t make sense at all. 

“You’re going to… amalgamate yourself with me?” he asked carefully, hoping for a correction. 

She nodded, unable to hide her smile.   

Questions flooded Herman’s mind, yet at the same time he didn’t want to know anything.

“At first glance you might be the last person anyone would ever want to combine themselves with. No offense, by the way.” 

Herman was too baffled to be insulted. 

Dr. Salmaki stood up and marched right over to the one-legged boy. She seemed to take his silence as a ‘“none taken”’, as she continued on. 

“My grandson died from a common cold, Herman.” She said, a bitter undertone lying hidden from her nonchalant fashion. 

“It doesn’t make any sense how you could survive for this long. There’s something special about you, something DIFFERENT from all the others.” 

He tried to think of a solid reason as to convince her not to do this, to just go along with their lives as they had before. He could forever be under her command, a silent servant paid with unstable mercy. Or he could be her new grandson, immediately, almost forcefully adopted into a madhouse family. Either way, it would be difficult going back to his golden peak of the apocalypse. His golden peak ever in his life. He thought Dr. Salmaki was the person that finally understood him. 

“You’re being irrational.” He finally argued. 

With her signature cane, Dr. Salmaki struck Herman’s right foot. Without his own physical support system, he fell right into the rubbery nest of wires tangled across the floor. 

The mad scientist pulled down a lever, a periwinkle gas escaping from the vents once contained beyond the glass door. 

She crouched next to the amputee, taking his hand and holding it firmly as if silently saying goodbye. 

“There is no rationality in faith.” 

The gas, after slowly travelling across unfamiliar territory, finally reached the two human figures. 

Swoosh.

---

Swoosh.

Wind flies through the ever expanding gaps in my body. 

It’s chilling.

It would take more than a billion years for Earth to reset if humans were wiped out from the planet.  

Not to boast, but it only took me seven years. 

A tedious period of time, yes, but in the end I’ve got the job done. Who knew a monster born in a messy, purple clogged laboratory would be so beneficial to life?

And all it took was a meteor. 

To be honest, humanity was doomed. Even if Earth had gone back to its Garden of Eden, there would be no way people could live in harmony, whether that would be between nature, extraterrestrials, or themselves. What would be the point of moving to another life-sustaining planet, if all humans would do is turn it into a self-obsessed cacophony? A human is a toxic cycle with no end, spiraling to their own demise. 

That’s why their new home is not earth, mars, or any other undeserving planet, but my mind. They live in an imaginary world, an exact replica of a world without the meteor strike, minus the memories of the horrifying apocalypse. 

It’s not fun. Their little society is an infection. 

Somehow, I can amalgamate with anything and everything, even without the element extracted from the meteor. Except my physical body tries to reject anything and everything I try to amalgamate with. So whatever the amalgamation may be is temporary, until I’ve had enough of it and eject it out of myself, turning whatever organism that was once part of me into lifeless waste. Quite literally. The first human I ever tried to amalgamate with was spit out as some sort of foul and nasty slush. 

I’ve learned to take better control of when that happens. 

That’s why this time, the purge of this once major amalgamation is all controlled and consented by yours truly. 

Lucky for them, this isn’t going to be a complete wipe out of humanity. 

Just a ‘natural disaster’ so that, for now, the amalgamation would be a bit more bearable. I’ve envisioned it several times. A meteor would fall to earth. Everyone except a small minority dies either directly or indirectly. 

Society is in crumbles, and society is quiet for once. 

And so I do it. I close my eyes, focus on the little Earth I’ve created, and send out a lonesome shooting star toward them. 

A horrible discord rings, pulsates through my mind and through the tips of my limbs, and it stops after a few seconds. 

I open my eyes, stand up, and walk over to the hoarding garden I call my home. I pluck a couple of bananas, prepare and blend them, and put them in the freezer for a familiar dessert. 

Ice cream isn’t exactly a priority when you have destroyed society. 

Especially if you are, quite literally, one of a kind. 

[starlight-starwings]

The Adventure Zone Season 2 quotes.

Unfortunately the quotes I saved between seasons 1 and 2 were lost because I got a new phone, so this is starting with episode 6 of Amnesty. If anyone has good quotes from the first arc, experimental arcs, ans the live shows during the experimental arcs, feel free to add or send them.

• - listen... ok, we could... agdgsbjsbuhah. how they eat and breathe... its just a show, just relax

- technically the .. waste water systems and the regular water systems of a city or not connected, and so like theres a lot of.. a lot of ways to figure it out. But yea, maybe you get the idea that this thing doesn't.. it can.. it.. is weird man...

• hey there adventure zone lovers. I dont know if that means you love adventure zone, or you... heh heh heh, ya know.

• - can you feel it?

- the idea of feeling is kinda weird-

- close your eyes and tell me if Im doing it

- well you already did- ok.

- close your eyes. Did I do it?

- you did it

- aaahh, I didnt

- ok. This is not a fun game for me

• - its our first day here!

- yeaa. Like... Let me ask you about the fucking... cast of Friends

- youre talking about Matt Leblanc and Matthew-

- Ah fuck.

- ah shit

- damn

- son of a b- he's good, he's real good

• - Don't I have to roll?

- we have not played dungeons and dragons in so fucking long!

- Here

- what are you rolling to do?!

• - tell me, is patience one of your more valued v-

- yes!

• Hey. No ideas bad. It just wasn't good.

• - I got eleven? You got any cash on you?

- uhh yea I happen to have nine bucks right here. Griffin cant prove otherwise.

• listen Pidgeon, here's the thing: I... love... to... practice fishing. But... the running water... frightens me. Its called hydrophobia. And I would love to practice my cast in a real water environment, where I can get in a large body of water, where I can guarantee that running water wont be a factor. And I would just love to practice my casting in a guaranteed still body. But here's the other thing! Sometimes if you do it in a lake, thats what youre thinking, a fish will bite it. And normally thats ideal but Im just trying to practice casting. If like.. when you dont want to catch em. Thats when they're biting. Ya know what I mean? I need a still body of water, that I can guarentee won't move, to practice my fishing casting.

• - Noooo

- are you sure?

- yeaaaaa

- Beause its our podcast!

- noooo

- we're actually doing our own podcast

• - Make uhhh.... check. You're gonna need to make a check for this one

- I got the gum. But I have the gum

- It's good gum; you'll have advantage on it.

• Cause I mean a 4 legged octopus is a horse.

• - What does control water do?

- Merle can- well gee wiz. It makes spaghetti! What do you think control water does?

- whats the fucking card say?

• Good you know my sister Jane was doing missionary work in Honduras and normally I would spend the uh, holidays with her. But uhh I had some friends come in from uhh out of town. And uhh... I wanted to communicare this to anybody who might be listening somehow, and I thought this might be a more organic way of uh, doing it.

• um... nah so ok right... so... the pizza hut sign... started to fall, cause of the weather. And he ran up there on a... fire escape, and tried to... push it? With a bat? Dammit. Nah. He just pushed it. And it fell. But then he fell. Cause he got shocked. I bet. Mmmm. I didn't see. I was in- Ah shit. Alright. Hey folk- hey guys. Rewind. I- hey guys rewind a second. Aahh fuck. I was inside I didn't see. Anything. I don't know. This man. I do know this man. His name- fuck. Alright. I'm met.. high net... here... Mmmm, alright. So, This man's is name is Ned. And he's uh.. friend of mine. And I dont know what the hell happened to him. But you know this guy. He's always getting into something. I don't know. I was in the building. I almost got killed by a pizza hut sign. I might be in shock.

• Write the fucking story with me! We are New York Times bestselling authors!

• - Ok. Go ahead. Uhh where are your wings? Obviously you can't see them right now because I'm wearing my disguise. Would you like to see my wings?

- Yes.

- I don't know you very well, so no, not- not quite yet.

• Aw Juno this is so embarrassing. Um last week, uhh, my truck got beat up, and I... I had to take it over to Whistle's. And he wa- while he was fixing it up I had to borrow yours to run out uh... to- to do a check on... a body of water. In... the... tree... zone... forest. Fuck. It was a body of water in the tree zone. And I had to check on it in your car. And when I- I drove your car, without asking, and... I think I left my... pants? No. Wallet? Money. I left my wallet in your truck and I was wondering if you could go look for it real quick.

• - a goat..

-well. No its.. i mean you look at the legs you can kinda see... yea...

- its pan!

- no were not crossing over

- there no crossover here sir. No.

• - oh thats easy. All you have to do is press that red button right there.

- and what will that do?

- itll give you the key sphere

- well hold on....

- merle casts zone of truth!

- so what happens when I press that button?

- the red button? Itll give you the key sphere

- what will the blue button do?

- it'll kill ya

- what would the other frankenstein tell us?

- well my companion over there always lies. He'll tell ya to hit the blue button.

- oh okay. Its kinda one of those- ya know what Im gonna check his flavor real quick

- ok.

- I flip the lever

- No that'll kill me!

- the other Frankenstein sits up and says oh hey! Im Frankenstein. A lot of people say Im Frankenstein's monster but-

- yea yea yea. Ok we get it. Uh is this Frankenstein in the zone as well?

- uh yea.

- These buttons over here what will the red one do?

- oh the red one? Its the key sphere one. I would've told you its the blue one.

- ok I slam-

- No listen. Listen. No listen. Listen listen listen. Hey. Stop wait! Im the liar Frankenstein.

- I hit the red button.

• - Merle casts shield of faith

- ok. On whom?

-um.. it surrounds a creature of my choice

- yeap. So..

- time to make that choice

- that is kinda the question I asked

• - are you a grief counselor?

- yea you a grief counselor?

- I do have some counseling experience, um, but right now think of me more as your friend.

- I could really use a grief counselor I think more than a friend at the moment. I got-

- ok then Im a grief counselor, yes.

• - and Im gonna roll 2 d6... god almighty... hatchy matchy...

- howd you do, Justin?

- Well I got a 4 on that one, Trav. Which is, what we call in the biz, we call that bad. That is less than ideal.

• A charisma check. Okay. Hahahaha! That's a threeee.

• I know how you young people talk: It was rad.

• hey! Hey man fucking bigfoots behind you dude, drive! Jesus Christ! Hey Ive been skitching this whole time brother, Im really sorry but you gotta fucking drive right now dude, come on! Im vulnerable as hell! Come on! Dont make me fight bigfoot, I want thinking through this shit, go! Im not gonna fucking fight bigfoot.

• No, you know what- I'm gon- ya know what? It's fine. Ya know what? Its fine. Its fine. Im gonna- it- thisll be fine. Thisll actually be fine. Uhhh Im gonna cast lightning bolt on the tank. I thought about it, thisll be fine.

• - dont worry, the rest of us will take care of this. I think the best plan is if the three of you go up the spire to face the final confrontation alone

- why is that the best plan??

- cause theres exactly enough people outside- robots outside, that we'll need all of the army...

- but then why dont we wait and help you kill all of the robots?

- we'll kill them and then we'll all go up together

- theres no time!

- what are you talking about were just fighting a bat- theres plenty of time

- we got a whole other act!

- huurrryy

- okay we'll hurry, yes fine, yes.

- good luck

- well now dont say that! You said to go on ahead!

- I'll remember you

- this passive aggressive stuff...

- youre sending mixed signals. Should we stay and-

- the doors that ive just invented shut behind you.

• Okay uh, Hollis. Let me ask you something: Okay, on the other side of this portal- im gonna lay it out for you. Alright. Are you ready? One hundred percent honesty. On the other side of this portal is another world. Just like, the same scope and size of ours, with a population of people, and... just like us. People just like us. Right? And... think about this. In... lets say West Virginia alone, not even the whole world, the whole earth, west Virginia alone, right. How many people do you think there is, a per capita ratio, thats murderers to just regular people? Right? So what if somebody said "there are murderers in west Virginia, so we're gonna march into west Virginia and kill everyone there, cause they might be murderers." Right so what if the only thing you knew about west Virginia is that some murderers came from here? And you said "so let's just go in and wipe everone out"? You would come in and wipe out the whole state, and murder innocent people, just in case they might be murderers. What does that make you, Hollis?

• - Aubrey what... what are you?

- Oh I'm bisexual.

- Do all of bisexuals have this power?

- Yes.

• - uh lets jump right in

- im in. Already. I actually got in before you did. Just to make sure the water was okay.

- oh how is it? Hows the scene doing?

- the scene is good. Im already in it, but because the narrator has not joined us we are locked in... stasis. We are characters in search of an author as it were, in the pernella play.

- so theyve been there for 2 weeks? Or whats up?

- theyve been there for 2 weeks. Locked in perfect stasis, until time itself should turn its gaze upon us and let us resume our merry roles in this play called existence.

• - did you get the part where we're gonna find the quail and just crush its heart or whatever?

- its uh- its- it- its quell

- yea thats what I said, quail

- you said quail like a big ol bird

- wait what are you saying?

- yea quail

- no quell

- quell?

- quell

- quail?

- quell

- kwäil?

- listen- listen kwaiell

- quail!

- you said quail. Its quell

- the mothman uh, grabs your wrist duck and looks at the watch on it and says 'boy howdy I sure hope that those arent several minutes that we will need to uh prevent the apocalypse. Because they are gone now.

• - Ju- Ju- wait a minute. Juno? Juno Devine?

- yes shes-

- Juno Devine is- shes in the forest service? (Switches to character voice) Ahh-ha! Well that makes a lot of sense! She- she loved the forest. That- ahh...

- that is... did you just do a player to character cross-fade?

- that was so fucking wild Ive never seen anything like that on this podcast

- that melted my brain

- it was like Clint started the sentence, and then Thacker ended the sentence

• I can roleplay a gay elf with magical powers. I dont think I could roleplay someone who likes beef jerky

• We've all been trying to help people right? And sometimes you fuck up. Sometimes people get hurt, sometimes you can't- sometimes you act and you do things, and you're wrong. And if you let the fact that you fucked up stop you from trying to help again, thats... thats the real mistake. Ive fucked up so many times. You cant be afraid to help. Because yea, you might hurt. But you also might help. You just have to keep helping. Dont be afraid. Im not.

• - query: are the extraterrestrial invaders engaging in deception? 89.84% affirm

- now listen. You all don't know Duck like I do. Believe me, he can not engage in deception to save his life.

- he's also an employee of the federal government!

- it skyrockets up to 98.64%

• It makes sense right? Great power; great responsibility. But you know what people forget? Is that the green goblin dosen't swing up to your door everyday and blow your whole life away and in one moment you have to figure out what to do, ya know? The responsibility is every day. Its every moment, and it's- every time I pick one of those saplings up and I put it in the ground, and pat the ground around it, and I pour water on it, and I think about our childrens childrens childrens children will breathe the air that this thing makes, and Minerva, thats power. Thats my responsibility. I dont have to fight no more. I did it. And now Im gonna grow.