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odoroussavourssweet · 6 years ago

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Mainstream Men’s Perfume Quick Takes

Smelled in the store, not on my skin; YMMV

So, these are from Sephora; not niche perfumes for fumeheads but things that normal human beings wear.

Terre D’Hermes

Notes: orange, vetiver, pepper, grapefruit, cedar, patchouli, benzoin, pelargonium.

Obnoxious. It’s a beige smell, kind of fatty, overly friendly and pushy. I’m told it’s full of Iso E, which is basically “the thing malls smell like.” It might also be the benzoin that gives it that “intrusive-extrovert” vibe. Instant repulsion.

Terre D’Hermes Eau Intense Vetiver

Notes: vetiver, sichuan pepper, bergamot, lemon, grapefruit, olibanum, patchouli, amberwood

I have never smelled anything so evil. I thought I liked vetiver! This isn’t the “forest floor” aspect or the “refined gentleman” aspect but a musty, stinky, beige form of vetiver that just does not seem intended for humans to wear.

Tom Ford Grey Vetiver

Notes: vetiver, woods, oakmoss, grapefruit, orange blossom, nutmeg, orris root, sage, pimento, amber

This isn’t bad, but it’s a little odd. It’s rooty (from the vetiver and orris) in a way that’s almost like carrots. It reads as a little dorky to me; it reminds me slightly of my indie-rocker art teacher with paint on his sleeves.

Tom Ford For Men

Notes: Ginger, lemon, tobacco, amber, orange, pepper, cedar, bergamot, basil, orange blossom, violet leaf, patchouli, oakmoss, vetiver, leather, cypriol

Smells dissolute, like a drug dealer. Someone you wouldn’t feel safe going home with.

Dior Homme

Notes: iris, cacao, leather, lavender, amber, oakmoss, bergamot, patchouli, sage.

This smells exactly like a dentist’s waiting room.

Dior Fahrenheit

Notes: leather, violet leaf, nutmeg, oakmoss, lavender, cedar, musk, chamomile, sandalwood, orange, amber, honeysuckle, patchouli, carnation, hawthorn, tonka, bergamot, jasmine, lemon, lily of the valley

This smells like black rubber. Exactly like black rubber. You know how an Equinox gym smells? That. It’s actually quite a comforting smell. It screams “bro,” so judge accordingly whether that’s what you want.

Dior Sauvage

Notes: Ambroxan, bergamot, pepper, lavender, cedar, geranium, oakmoss, patchouli, labdanum, elemi

It’s fresh, cool, full of machismo, and a little crude. Now Smell This describes the bergamot as “abrasive”, which is about right; it’s fresh in a “goddamn it scrub harder! eliminate ALL contaminants!” shower gel way, which I find enjoyable though many don’t, and underneath that, the ambroxan offers sort of a warm skin-like “hey, remember I’m a naked man under my clothes” vibe. Want to smell like you’re too manly to have feelings? Here ya go.

YSL Y

Notes: Aldehydes, ambergris, bergamot, violet leaf, ginger, musk, mint, apple, sage, cedar, lemon, geranium, fir, pineapple, vetiver, incense

My notes say “This man is gay.”

(Not polite of me, perhaps; of course gay men can smell however they like; but I was shopping for my husband and I was pretty confident Y would give the wrong impression.)

Versace Dylan Blue

Notes: ambroxan, bergamot, grapefruit, water, incense, patchouli, pepper, tonka bean, violet leaf, fig leaf, papyrus, saffron

My notes say “This man is gay and in show business.”

(Ok, that’s unfair of me. What I actually mean is that it’s a little ambery and fruity.)

Versace Pour Homme

Notes: Lemon, neroli, bergamot, tonka bean, hyacinth, clary sage, musk, rose, cedar, geranium, amber

I actually like this, at least compared to the other stuff in the store. It gives an impression of seriousness and elegance, reminiscent of classic cologne; plus it’s futuristic/chrome-and-blue/spaceship-esque in the way that perfume snobs hate but I kind of like. I could imagine it on Jean-Luc Picard.

Versace L’Homme

Notes: Lemon, leather, carnation, oakmoss, cinnamon, bergamot, basil, musk, petitgrain, patchouli, sandalwood, vanilla, labdanum, rose, cedar, tonka bean, amber, jasmine

This is an Olympic athlete, in his underwear, on a space station. (Maybe running laps on one of those centrifuge tracks.) There’s a warmth there that I associate with skin and bodies, plus synthetic/futuristicness.

Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue Pour Homme

Notes: Water, grapefruit, juniper, orange, amberwood, musk

This is the ur-spaceship scent, and I <3 it. It is super clean, super synthetic, super Y2K-aesthetic. It has never been near a plant or an animal in its life and it makes zero pretense of it. If you secretly wish you were made of slick, hard, shiny polymer resin instead of yielding flesh (Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That), you will enjoy Light Blue.

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