#y'all ruined me (i ruined myself)
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tim in outfits i vaguely remember preppy boys in my high school wearing
(edit: drew more headband tim)
#tim drake#dc#sart#i was gonna draw more femme tim but instead y'all get this lmao#messy but i wasnt gonna spend more time on preppy tim#gave myself psychic damage dredging these memories up but was forcibly reminded that tim is preppyTM#at least in some aspects of his life#anyway salmon pink on men is ruined for me unfortunately
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“if she doesn't want to be called dude i won't call her that” - you are assuming you and your friends read as people trans women feel safe enough to speak up to, while already demonstrating you don't take other people seriously enough.
Your habit and lack of self restraint/awareness matter more than common sense i guess. Like i would never call a transmasc “girl” because that would seem like obvious misgendering, but it's different for trans women apparently.
#see now#as a black person dealing w white people bullshit i understand the hesitation to Speak Up when u are the minority in the room#it's a roll of the dice and you never know how it's gonna go. will they listen? will they double down? will everyone turn against you?#every person you need to confront has the potential to blow up on you and for the situation to get blown out of proportion#but in a way that goes back to it being your fault for speaking up and ruining everything to begin with.#and when i see y'all say shit like “well im gonna keep calling trans women dudes unless they specifically ask me to stop”#i always think about that in comparison. y'all are putting trans women in this position over and over again and acting like#there isn't a glaring power dynamic that would reasonably make a lot of trans women choose to bite their tongues and#take it especially IRL. the thing too is i don't even mind it Myself but the way that y'all insist on doing it despite so many#trans women asking you not to repeatedly is so 😐 the power dynamic thing seemed obvious to me but maybe most of#y'all in the “dude is gender neutral camp” are white lol. y'all REALLY need to do better#lol now I'm thinking more about my irl experience and maybe it's been significantly less annoying bc i surround myself w poc
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#NOT DISCOURSE /#It's insane how close this fandom came to making me hate B*ddie#I had to create distance and filter all that shit out because I don't believe in letting people ruin a ship/show/character/etc for you#because that gives total strangers way more power over you/your interests than they deserve#but whewwww#There was a solid two or so months where I just had to remove myself from all things Buddie because god... y'all were annoying#I'm still annoyed. Not mad just irritated by many many things#But. Yeah. That was crazy#Wild times#/ NOT DISCOURSE#jack.txt#tv: 911
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mkay i wrote two more good chunks (bringing us up to exactly 4k fucking words...........) of byan's bio but i'm just starting to touch on the actual lowest, darkest point of their life and it's not really helping the already shit place i'm in mentally, so. think i'm done for the night lmao
#sometimes writing byan's darker moments is kinda cathartic in a way#but uh. definitely gotta be in the write headspace for it and hoo boy am i ever not tonight#the 'nothing matters' and 'no one cares' of it all hit a little too close to home tonight#and considering the next big event is uh. mm. an Attempt. if you get me. i'm gonna just. yeah. save that for another day.#gonna practice some gentle self care for the rest of the night i think. be happy that i did some writing#even if it wasn't as much as i wanted#sorry for all the ooc lately yall... shit's just fucked and i don't wanna disappear off the face of the earth just bc#writing's a little hard again ajkhjfds#ouggghhhh i wish my mental health wasn't so fucking up and down#i wish i could expend a little more energy for a day or two without it ruining me for the rest of the week#i wish. that simple things were easy to deal with.#and i wish that every little noise that i don't make myself wasn't so jarring.#idk. i need to stop typing lmao. love y'all ♡#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.#suicidal ideation cw#just to like. be safe. idk. i feel weird not tagging this sort of shit.
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Mmmhh that one time a fandom darling basically showed their whole ass to me bc I wanted to talk about how someone that'd been sexually harassing me and others but tell me not to on the pretense that the person harassing us might hurt themselves just bc they were autistic 🤦🏽♂
#dunno men#its the combo wombo for me#also its fine y'all maybe I write abt it later on bc im all grown up now and I feel like I can finally stand up for myself#its just.... its funny in a fucked up way JNsndndjfnfj#like did multiple oopsies while trying to stand for something good#which hun.... you should've had asked first????#funny enough I ended up getting more recenment to this person than the actual weirdo#which is not fait mind u#but still#💕🤷🏽♂#thats why i basically stopped posting abt fc5#two people ruined my enjoyment in a way I didn't felt safe anymore#jason still rocks on my heart and so does that ugly dog jacob#but its hard for me#bc it was something i could retell my issues and feel safe just for some asshole to come and take that away from me#and also a 'well meaning' fool to come and play corner while knowing NOTHING
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mmh...
#y'all am i broken or smth pls guide me through this#why do i find it so hard to have crushes or date or meet someone new#like i instantly panic when someone gives any hints or someone close to me talks about 'knowing'#someone#like my mom told me about a guy she/her friend knows and asked me if id like to meet him#and nothing about him seems wrong but my mind just instantly goes 🚨🚨🚨 like WHY#like i feel it in my throat#also i do not like those 100 rituals that desi parents fall into the moment their kid tells them they like someone#that whole tumult around it and the 'NOW Y'ALL GOTTA MARRY' bs#but it's not just that i rlly dunno what it is about meeting ppl or relationships like i just wanna be alone and#write my shit and live my life yk#but also i want love#LIKE HELP WHYYYYYY#actually i honestly feel like ive written too many stories about romance and ruined reality for myself LOL#but yeah idk.. this makes me anxious but maybe ill still meet him#bc you never know#yk
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Guys- moots who know me well enough kind of-
I'm not simping solely for fictional characters anymore-
...
I hate this, it's weird, I wanna say something to them or at least one of my other irl friends but I'm too scared that 1: they'll judge me and 2: they'll TELL HIM. Dear god I do not need that-
BUT IT WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE (aka it's been on my mind for a few hours too long)
Yesterday, pool party with friends, right?
I knew that he did some workout stuff but I still was NOT prepared- (me, who was fully expecting him to wear some form of his normal outfit but for the pool- noooooope! Shirtless- very unprepared)
And listen, I knew I at least sort of like-liked him before cuz you know, personality and all that stuff, but come onnnn- like- what do I do now??
And then they were playing chicken fights in the pool or whatever the game is called, and after that they were standing on each other's shoulders and pretending to walk on water (We all had just endured a bible unit in our English classes)
He had offered for ME to stand on HIS shoulders- and for that to happen, you know, they gotta swim under, right? Well, we both have the dirtiest of minds (I also just have shitty balance so I was not about to try that anyways. That was the main reason on my mind but I thought of the other stuff after).
I don't even know if I have blushed since elementary school, but if I did then, then thank god for the sun because sunburnsssss
And then he couldn't find his shirt after we had all gotten out, and one of my other friends said that he didn't need the shirt (jokingly) and dear god I wanted to agree (verbally) but I'm too worried about my whole bullshit being too obvious if I did, so I just had to stay quiet. (He ended up not finding it and just having to leave cuz his parents were there)
But that- that day- just... that. It's not. Leaving. My. Mind. Alone.
#billygoat talks#Look ma- I'm not simping for only fictional characters!#I'm not adding him to the simp list tho- 1: not putting his name anyways and 2: that list is for fictional characters only#Wait- what day is it now?#Fuck- it's only Sunday...#Should I say something? Cuz I only know him because of the IB program but I'm not gonna be in it next school year#And I think the only time we would see each other is either during lunch and after school going to the buses or just buses#But I'm worried that- if I do say something and he doesn't feel the same- our friendship will be fucked up and awkward- I don't want that..#Besides- I've never had good luck with these things#And at the start of the year I had come out to my friends as gay- mid-school-year one of my friends and I agreed I was pan#<- that was only one friend... and the one who made the joke I told y'all about#But he still thinks I am gay- we joke about it a lot- so how would I even start?#I've never been in a relationship- can't say I've never been kissed before only cuz of a weird thing in elementary school-#Believe it or not- even if I can give others advice- I don't know what to do for myself...#I guess I'm scared of rejection but I should be used to it by now-#Oh yeah! The other thing- we've only known each other for a whole one school year- his friends have known him for much longer-#I feel like it's wrong to even think like that after only one school year and say something about it- like it's too soon#Believe me- I do wanna say something but I'm just scared that our friendship will be ruined or he'll ask questions I don't have have answer#to- more than likely one of those would be about my sexuality#I feel like I have to stick to that- like a limitation- but I don't want to-#I have so many wants but I feel like I'm not exactly good enough for anybody and those wants will just be wishful thinking forever#Fuck- just bombarded y'all with my shower thoughts... sorry-#Ummmmmm-#Yeah-
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there’s something so sacred about sharing what you love with others: whether it be a song or food or clothes, a show or a movie or pictures. it's just... such a deep and personal thing, you know? having someone carve out a little part of their heart and gift it to you with an abundance of joy and excitement and passion... yeah.
#i lowkey had an awful day today lol#and it was my first day taking over as teacher so that's a great way to start it#there are people in seventh period who literally despise me and maybe that's an exaggeration but i looked over their creative writing for#the day and one of those kids literally wrote about how he was having a good day but then it turned into a bad day when i started the#creative writing with them so that was great and other stuff happened idk and one of my tics was really... uh... present today and i was so#aware of it and i feel like everyone was laughing at me because of it even tho ik that was just me being self-conscious but God i wanted to#cry and i shared a piece of my heart with them today for the creative writing exercise and so many of them just. told me how awful it was#like someone straight up started with 'this song is terrible' and then proceeded to write a paragraph about how bad it was#idk. it made me feel like a young kid again - sitting by myself on the playground and reading books. like i was in middle school and#everyone was telling me that the things that i loved were stupid. like i was a kid getting teased just lowkey enough that the teachers#couldn't tell because it wasn't necessarily outright bullying but they were making fun of what i loved which Hurts and then i was in high#school having to defend what i love and then in college hearing 'you ruined this for me because you liked it too much' and it just. idk.#it hurts. i find sharing passions and what i love with others so sacred and important and it Hurts when they just tear it and you down and#ik they're juniors and ik there will always be people like that but it was constant and idk. i'm just sad lol#so anyways even if someone shares something with you that you don't like there is literally No reason to be rude about it. you're allowed#to say you dislike it but it's not okay to just tell them straight up it's stupid or awful or you'd rather get hit by a car than hear the#song again. hm. ig i have some unresolved trauma lol#sorry for the rant y'all i just. needed to rant ig idk
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that feeling when starfleet expects u to take ur captain seriously but he's flouncing around looking like he's running an onlyfans on the bridge when ur not looking
#i only did this for style testing before lining the icon i wanna make#part of me says i made him too pretty and polished#the other part says good#as he should be#next i need to draw him making ridiculous expressions that ruin the illusion#star trek#star trek aos#jim kirk#james t kirk#james tiberius kirk#jim kirk aos#i dont think y'all understand what a struggle this was to make#i add so many extra details#this was just me going ooh maybe i'll style test a bit#except like#i had to stop myself so many times from ruining this with extra layers#artskls
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Me before: *lived one province away from where supernatural filmed for most of my life and didn't really think about this or care, despite being a fan*
Me before: *visited Vancouver multiple times during those years and never thought/cared about that proximity to the cast*
Me before: *has been to Texas 3 times and never once thought about j2 while there*
Me now: why did I book a trip to South Australia next week instead of to Tasmania why can't I be where Jared is what kind of fool am I whyyyy
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Anyway being active in a fandom gives you brain rot
#when did this happen why am i like this now#I've read fic since 2005 being a reader and lurker never caused this#this is a result of social media and being an active fandom participant it's gotta be#y'all ruined me (i ruined myself)#let me go back to not knowing anything about j2 pleeeease
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Interesting pair, I do not personally ship it but honestly kinda curious ☕ could be an interesting ship in an AU or enemies to lover (extreme enemies to lover lmao-) in a way HoDomination kinda helped Kiana grow so y'know not all bad (sure they wanted to steal her core and may or may not have harmed her loved ones but like -)
6/10 not a ship I currently am into but definitely an interesting pair.
#To avoid spam i will reply to these every 1-2h lol I do not want to ruin the tags with weird thing and be yelled at for it y'all thanks#am i speedrunning getting cancelled any% glitchless??#btw when i say fucked up#i mean fucked up show me hell everyone#i do not want only cutesy ships i want the most depraved shit you can throw at me#i am promising myself to give an answer to all ships#making a special tag for it so you can like block it if you don't want to see that in the other honkai tags →#Do I ship it ? (god's HI3rd)#honkai impact#honkaiposting#honkaimpact3rd#kiana kaslana#honkai kiana
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All I know about a heart in winter is your poetic synopsis but I do know this kind of emotionally unavailable/cold guys sure is your type 💀😭
What can I say, I don't date, I have projects for pyschological experiments 💔 life imitates art with the exception that my fictional emotionally unavailable blorbos are hot and my ex projects are not
Please watch it tho, it's on YouTube! They portrayed it so well and they don't try to fix him, he's just like that and they're not getting together
#(not talking about rory here mwah the only valid ex i love you bestie)#but y'all KNOW i'm referring to the big three#i really saw myself in stéphane but i wasn't like that before i started getting into the worst relationships/situationships 😭#why did i let those manwhores ruin me and my perception of love before the age of 20#ask#anon
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Thinking abt the random card au again. Why must it go so crazy hard I miss it sm
#rat rambles#random card au#no matter how far I drift from my bndori and sekai peak days the random card au keeps hitting me like a truck every now and then#it just scratches an itch that I havent been able to satisfy since my cr days years and years ago#I wouldnt say the random card au has super similar worldbuilding to my old cr stuff as that was much more large scale#but it still has a similar appeal to me I think#I think its the building entirely new worldbuilding based off of designs and general vague starting concepts and bringing them all together#that gets me invested as it feels so satisfying slotting it all together and then actually getting to play out the story in this new web#I loveeeee jumbled webs of worldbuilding and characters that all tie together in a way that makes it almost impossible to completely#seperate one cast of characters from another#I love the feeling of a world with a bunch of intertwining plots like that even if it makes it near impossible to format a normal story#like my cr stuff was just so much man I still miss it sometimes even if I hate cr itself#Ive become a much better story creator too now so I know I could make what I had so much better nowadays and I already like my old stuff#it just makes me all the more sad that I went so crazy hard on worldbuilding for a franchise that sucks ass </3#it may have been two of the worst years of my life but Ill also never reach that worldbuilding high again I think#oh also it made me actually start the slow slow process of getting more ambitious with my art and doing more digital stuff#rly thats the biggest reason the random card au pains me so since I wanna post stuff for it but man do I not wanna draw anyone from it#first of all human characters so already eh but also Id have to adapt the cards theyre based on into a design I can actually draw#so as much as I wanna make a billion random card au animatics I cant even bring myself to draw them normally#you see olivia and jackie are easier to draw because I just made shit up for their designs and as such made their designs very simple#but I cant just make shit up for bndori and sekai characters they actually have designs and hair that Id have to adapt to my style it sucks#I just wanna draw doggy arisa is that so much to ask for (yes yes it is I dont wanna figure out her hood)#also rip mygo yall will probably never get in but who knows maybe one day Ill have my second bndori era and then y'all will get in#its rly just the fact that they likely wont have enough cards to properly add them for another few years#especially if that other band also gets in if that happens neither are getting enough cards until the servers shut down lol#like I Could just pick and choose but thats boring#kinda ruins the point of the au y'know?#like tbf Ive cheated in the past by reroling two and limiting my options with several sekai characters#but thats just because at the time most sekai characters had almost no usable cards for this au and the two I rerolled were also unusable#like Im sorry but I couldnt just add normal ass hagumi and masking it wasn't happening
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#(( ooc. ))#negativity tw#venting tw#me thinking there would be one night this week i didnt cry myself to sleep#bc i got yelled / swore at --- 🤡#night was actually improving. then husband ruined it. again. so .. yeah i think im just#gonna try to sleep. not gonna try writing again tonight sorry#hope y'all are doing better than me tonight tbh
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it's fucking awful how everyone just had some sort of bad experience in this godforsaken fandom. the cons of being in a small community is that the loud minority will do absolutely anything to ruin shit!!!!!
#like. i constantly had breakdowns over all this. everything that happened fucking ruined me entirely!!!!!!#there were many many nights i cried myself to sleep about this shit#and it's only now im kinda starting to find some sort of like. closure to it all#it got a lot more traumatic after i found out what She did to me#that fucking bitch ruined me and my friends. and she ruined a past generation of the chip fandom too#would the word 'bad' be an understatement??#i hope all of you heal from this fully#none of you deserved any of that shit that happened to y'all#im putting this on main as it's a serious post. umm#harmony rants
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no you know what I'm going to scream about the stuff I talked about in the tags of this post publicly
I'm tired of the well-meaning "don't feel bad if your work only gets 20 notes your genius is what counts and do it for you!" bullshit. I've had a good handful of friends who have straight up DEACTIVATED in recent months because their work was not getting reblogged AT ALL. No, it wasn't from lack of not being well-liked, no it wasn't from lack of trying to make sure it was getting out there to the people they knew would engage with it. It was because no matter how much they were praised privately for their work, when push came to shove, absolutely NOBODY reblogged it and gave it the audience that it was due, and I'm tired of people shoving the "unsung genius" narrative as an excuse for it. Nothing excuses that. And the boop event really proved that.
because I know given the opportunity, indiscriminately pressing a button (sometimes 10 thousand times, as I did) is not beyond this website's capability. y'all loved doing that. and look at what it wrought. nothing but love and affection and happiness. just from a couple of quick clicks of a little paw button. sure. nobody knew who you booped but the other person (which is how likes used to work on this website, btw). there was an element of anonymity to it. but that is kind of the core of this website that no other social media platform still has: the ability to be anonymous. and hyper-curating a blog on here like you might on twitter or instagram to project an image is simply not viable. and hey. you wanna know a secret: literally nobody cares what you post or whether it goes with the "theme" of your blog or not. yeah. I know. CRAZY concept in this day and age. but literally. I myself have reblogged things that have had nothing to do with whatever I am currently fixated by and you know what happened to my follower count? not a damn thing. in fact, I actively try to reblog things specifically BECAUSE it's my friends who made them (even though I'm not always good at KEEPING UP WITH HOW MUCH THEY POST @prismatica-the-strange will NEVER GO UNRECOGNIZED by me).
And you know what fucking sucks? I have to deal with this too. surprise right? you ever wonder why I reblog fics or art I post like 20 times the day that I post them? do you ever wonder why I ask about tag lists and beg for asks all the time? IT'S BECAUSE EVEN I GET LIKE. 5 LIKES ON THE THINGS I POST. AND THE REST OF THE REBLOGS ARE MINE SO I CAN MAKE SURE THAT PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SEE WHAT I MAKE GET TO SEE IT. and I say that knowing that I'm certainly not an unpopular blog, or an unpopular writer. I know that people love the stories that I create. Hell, half of the people that I've talked to about lady terror have told me that they consider her to be canon (AND EVEN SOME!! THOUGHT SHE WAS!!! WITHOUT EVEN HAVING WATCHED THE SHOW! WHICH IS STILL SO SO WILD TO ME!!!) But especially in the last 4 years (which really dates this phenomenon), my posts, no matter how well received they've been amongst people I've talked to about them directly, I still go into the notes and at least half (often more than half) are MY reblogs to make sure people saw what I posted. and it happens every single time, and I can't tell you how much it crushes me considering that it used to be that I would be able to post it only once, and people would reblog it sometimes even HUNDREDS of times.
It's not about popularity. it never has been. it's not about anxiety. or shifting website cultures. even if you lurk, the simple fact is, that if you want people to keep making what you love. you have to reblog. your theme won't suffer because you reblogged a fanfiction that you really admire. your posting won't be ruined because you reblogged some fanart from someone in a different fandom. really. I promise. and if people do unfollow you for that? who needs em. followers come and go but you should NEVER have to cater to them. on this website it has ALWAYS been the other way around. lean into it. make it yours. put stuff you ACTUALLY WANT to be seen and that you love and appreciate on your blog. no matter how old it is, how new it is, no matter how niche or off-theme it is.
so please. if you really want to show your appreciation for someone's work? you reblog. it's really as easy as that. check the tags. add some when you reblog if you like. but please for the love of god reblog. it's as easy as booping and even more rewarding for the people who you reblog from. if you want to let someone know that their work is genius and appreciate it? show it. reblog. then DM them if you're too nervous to say what you want to say but not in a public forum. but for christ's sake. REBLOG.
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