#y'all it's been crazy the last few days but i am now an uncle

[scpaesthetics]

SCP Aesthetics: 3009 (requested by @ijumpbridges, written by keyii)

SCP-3009 either is, is impersonating, or believes itself to be Lee. (yellow, twins, internet culture)

requests are open

[the-vast-corner-of-the-galaxy]

The Way It Comes To Be- Chapter 7

Chapter Summary: The alliance between the Elves, Men, and Dwarves is finally forged and official.

Link on Ao3

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Thorin x Bilbo, Kili x Tauriel

Notes: Hi, I know I have not been publishing any content on this story lately, but it has been due to me getting very sick these past few weeks and university kicking my ass. I will do my best to update this story as much as possible, and will try to post 1-2 chapters per week.

Love y'all, and enjoy!

***

Chapter 7: A Fresh Start

Two days later…

Kili was waiting outside the gates of Dale for the arrival of the elves from Mirkwood. He had been waiting impatiently since dawn, for Tauriel has promised him they would arrive any time in the morning. However, the time was closer to midday, and Kili was wondering worriedly why the elves were taking so long to get to the city. What if something happened to them?

“Kili,” It was Fili, who was behind his little brother. “You’ve been standing here since dawn. Please come inside.”

“I can’t leave without seeing Tauriel first,” Kili replied.

“Fine,” Fili replied. “Just come back to the palace after you see her.”

Kili nodded and stood looking at the horizon beyond him. He admired the mountain ranges and the forest ahead of him, where he knew Tauriel would be coming from. 

Around an hour later, Kili saw various figures coming from the distance, and realized it was the woodland elves. His excitement rocketed to the skies since he was going to see his gorgeous and dearest elf. When the elves were heading to the gates, Kili excitedly walked through the large crowd of elves and looked for Tauriel. She was walking almost at the end of the Elvish crowd, and was getting more beautiful by the day, which made Kili drawn to her even more. 

“Âzyungel!,” (1) Kili exclaimed, running towards Tauriel happily. The redheaded elf beamed when she saw the dwarf, pulled him away from the large crowd, and gave him a passionate yet sweet kiss, “I am so glad you are finally here!”

“Nin mel!” (2) Tauriel replied, embracing Kili tightly, “I missed you so much! Thranduil had us so busy these last few days with improving Mirkwood’s security. He’s been driving us crazy!”

“I bet,” Kili replied, “Thorin is also giving us many tasks and well, and it’s exhausting. I am just so glad you are here!”

“I am too,” replied Tauriel dearly. “I will be staying here with Thranduil and the others a lot longer since the planting and your uncle’s coronation is going to be soon. We need to catch up on the events that happened the time I was gone. What’s happened in the kingdom so far?” 

Kili told Tauriel about all of the events that had happened in Erebor the time she was gone. He told her about his mother’s arrival, about the coronation, about the other dwarves, etc., and Tauriel listened attentively as Kili spoke. 

“I am so glad your mother is going to be coming back to Erebor!” Tauriel spoke up, “I bet you are ecstatic to see her again.”

“Well, yes,” Kili admitted, “I haven’t seen her since I left the Blue Mountains to travel with my uncle, which was over two years ago. I think you are going to really like her!”

Tauriel smiled hesitantly, and said: “Are you sure, Kili? I mean… elves and dwarves are not exactly fond of each other, and well, maybe your mother will be shocked knowing that her son is courting an elf.”

“Tauriel, I will make sure she does not place her anger over anything else. Trust me,” Kili reassured, kissing Tauriel’s cheek, making her giggle. 

Tauriel felt a bit more reassured with Kili’s words, but was still worried about meeting her partner’s mother. “I do not want to make a bad impression in front of your mother, Kili. I want her to know that I actually care for you and have nothing against the dwarves.” 

“I am sure she will be completely fine with you,” Kili reassured Tauriel, squeezing her long fingers tightly. “Now, I want you to tell me everything that happened in the time you were in Mirkwood.”

Tauriel began speaking about the recent events in Mirkwood. She talked about how Thranduil left Legolas in charge of Mirkwood just for a few weeks before he left for the coronation. 

“Legolas was quite surprised, but he took to the responsibility with a sense of duty,” Tauriel said. “It’s been an interesting transition. He’s trying to prove himself as a leader while managing the expectations of the people. I think it’s a fair challenge for him.”

Kili nodded, impressed. “I’m sure he’s handling it well. Legolas is a resourceful and dedicated elf.”

“Yes, but it hasn’t been without its difficulties,” Tauriel continued. “There were some tensions between him and the council at first. Many of them are still wary of the changes that come with this new alliance.”

“That sounds challenging,” Kili said, “But I am sure he will get to a resolution.”

Tauriel nodded. “He’s working tirelessly, and there are signs of progress. The council is slowly warming up to his leadership. They’re beginning to see the benefits of working with other races. It’s going to be a long road, but it’s worth it.”

She then switched the topic to the elves’ sentiments about the jew alliance. “The elves were initially hesitant about the new alliance with the dwarves and men. There was a lot of distrust and skepticism. The idea of working closely with dwarves, in particular, was something tough to process for many elves.”

“That’s understandable,” said Kili, “Working with the elves hasn’t been something the rest of the dwarves from the company still want, but it’s the only way to maintain peace in the North, and I am sure it will all work out in the end.” 

Tauriel smiled at Kili lovingly and gave him a final kiss before departing to report herself to Thranduil. Kili also left and went to the palace to report himself. 

When Kili got to the palace, the dwarves were still eating in the grand hall. Kili slipped silently and began eating.

“Where were you, young lad?” Bilbo asked him a bit ironically.  “You scared me to death!” Kili whispered, “I… I was with Tauriel. She just arrived with Thranduil and the elves for the planting and the coronation.” 

“Oh, that’s wonderful news,” Bilbo said with a warm smile. “Kili, I’m really glad to hear that Tauriel has arrived safely, but, if I may offer a word of caution—given that she’s an elf and the alliance is still new, it might be wise to be mindful of how your relationship is perceived.”

Kili raised an eyebrow, a touch of concern in his expression. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Bilbo continued, choosing his words carefully without sounding offensive, “The alliance between the dwarves and the elves is still quite fragile. There are some who might not take kindly to the idea of a dwarf and an elf being so close. It’s important to handle the situation delicately to avoid any misunderstandings that could jeopardize the treaty.”

Kili nodded thoughtfully, understanding the weight of Bilbo’s words. “I appreciate the advice, Bilbo. I’ll be careful. Tauriel and I both want to support the alliance and not do anything to harm it.”

Bilbo’s expression softened with relief. “I’m sure both of you will navigate this wisely. Just remember, it’s all about fostering goodwill and understanding. The last thing we need is any discord affecting the fragile peace we’re trying to build.”

Kili smiled appreciatively. “Thanks, Bilbo. Your concern means a lot.” They kept eating and were talking to the other dwarves at the table. Once the meal concluded completely, everyone went to do their respective tasks in the palace. 

***

A few hours later, Thranduil, Gandalf, and Bard went into the Ereborian palace to find Thorin and arrange the last details of the planting, which would be happening the next day. They were received by Balin and led into the Throne Room, where Thorin was seated and had Bilbo by his side. 

“Thranduil,” greeted Thorin, “It is good to have you back in the kingdom.”

“Thank you for the welcome,” said Thranduil cordially, “We need to discuss the last few details of tomorrow’s planting so we can all stay on equal terms.”

“Agreed,” said Bard, “Tomorrow is a crucial day for our people. We must get everything organized and prepared.”

The three leaders, plus Gandalf, Balin, and Bilbo, started to prepare the details for the ceremony of the planting. A pledge was written for all three leaders to swear upon, but the problem was that no one could decide what type of tree could be planted. 

“I think we should plant one of our grand  from Mirkwood,” suggested  Thranduil, “These are resilient to all kinds of weather, and grow rapidly.”

“I think it would be wiser to choose a tree that represents all of the cultures in this area,” Bard suggested.

“What do you suggest, Bard?” asked Thorin with a small bit of sarcasm. 

“Well,” Bard began, scratching his head, “I must admit, I don’t have a specific tree in mind. My knowledge of botany is limited, especially considering that Laketown barely has any significant tree growth

Thorin sighed heavily, glancing around at the others. “There aren’t many trees growing in the area right now. Smaug’s terror and the recent battle has damaged much of the flora around here. The pines are barely being planted again, and it will take some years before Dale and Erebor’s ecosystems comes to normal.”

“I have a better idea,” said Gandalf, retrieving a small sapling from the back door of the throne. “This is the sapling of the Hollin Trees. This species of tree can grow anywhere, from dense forests to harsh deserts. Its leaves never fall off, and only change color with the different seasons. These trees grow in the Elvish region of Eregion, a small kingdom near Moria ruled by the Ñoldor Elves. These elves and the dwarves of Moria have a collaborative trade alliance.” 

All five men gathered around Gandalf to look at the seed. It looked small and fragile, but when they held it in their hands, it was heavy like a precious stone.”

“It’s beautiful,” admired Bilbo, cradling the tree delicately. He could feel some sort of ethereal energy from it, which drew him more to the sapling. “There’s something special about this seed. It feels as though it carries a piece of the world’s magic with it.”

Thranduil, always keenly perceptive, nodded slowly. “Indeed, the Hollin Trees have a timeless quality. They could serve as a symbol of renewal and strength for our peoples, and they have the resilience to thrive in all conditions.”

Balin, who had been quiet until now, added, “Gandalf, are you certain that this tree can adapt to our local conditions? The forests here are quite different from those in Eregion.”

Gandalf smiled reassuringly. “I am confident. The Hollin Trees are known for their versatility. With a bit of care, they should flourish here and become a lasting symbol of unity and recovery.”

A sense of consensus began to form among the leaders as they exchanged glances. The seed of the Hollin Trees offered not just a practical solution but also a meaningful symbol of their collaborative efforts.

Thorin looked at the seed once more. “Let’s choose this tree,” he suggested. Everyone nodded in agreement, and the meeting proceeded with fluidity for many hours. A pledge was written by Balin that contained a large sum of ideas from each member in the room. It was going to be short, but would contain meaning and resolution for the people of Dale, Mirkwood, and Erebor. 

When the meeting was finally over, and the arrangements for the ceremony concluded, everyone left the Throne Room, except for Thorin, who was still thinking about tomorrow’s ceremony. 

As Thorin stood lost in thought, Balin re-entered the room quietly, noticing the deep contemplation on Thorin's face. "Thorin," Balin called gently, not wanting to startle him.

Thorin turned, a faint smile appearing as he saw his old friend. "Balin, I thought you had left with the others."

"I couldn't leave without speaking to you first," Balin replied, his eyes full of concern. "I know you have a lot on your mind, especially with the ceremony tomorrow. How are you holding up?"

Thorin sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's overwhelming, Balin. The ceremony, the alliances, the expectations... It feels like a heavy burden on my shoulders."

Balin nodded understandingly. "It's natural to feel that way. But remember, you're not alone in this. You have your people, your friends, and your family standing with you."

Thorin's expression softened, gratitude evident in his eyes. "Thank you, Balin. I just... I want to do right by everyone."

"And you will," Balin reassured him. "You've already done so much for Erebor. Tomorrow is just another step in solidifying our future."

Thorin nodded, taking a deep breath to steady himself. "You're right. It's just... there are moments when the enormity of it all feels daunting."

Balin placed a comforting hand on Thorin's shoulder. "One step at a time, Thorin. You've faced greater challenges and come out victorious. This, too, will be a triumph."

Thorin smiled more genuinely, feeling a bit lighter. "Thank you for your support, Balin."

Balin smiled back, giving Thorin's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Anytime. Now, get some rest. Tomorrow is a big day, and you'll need your strength."

As Balin left the Throne Room, Thorin stood there for a moment longer, feeling a renewed sense of determination. He knew he had the support of those who mattered most, and that gave him the strength to face whatever lay ahead, even if it still felt daunting and intimidating.

***

The next day, Thorin woke up earlier than the rest of the Company and quickly got ready. Although the ceremony was going to be held in the afternoon, his anxiety was keeping him on his feet, yet Thorin tried to conceal it. 

“I see that you are up early,” called Gandalf from the gates of the Throne Room, where Thorin was heading. The dwarf king got startled by Gandalf’s sudden appearance, but did not say anything, for Gandalf always had the tendency of startling people whenever he could by appearing out of thin air. 

“Gandalf,” Thorin greeted, “I didn’t know you were around here.”

“I can sense your uneasiness from even a mile away,” said Gandald. “And I came here to remind you to not let the fear sweep you off your feet.”

“I’m not scared, Gandalf,” Thorin responded. “I’m ready to face all of this: being king, ruling Erebor, planting the tree…”

Gandalf simply nodded, knowing that Thorin’s uncertainty for the future and unease was bigger than he wanted to admit. “Well, I am glad to hear that your doubts are lessening. I am certain that you can do this, I have faith in you, Thorin Oakenshield, more than you know.”

Thorin gave him a smile as Gandalf walked around the halls, leaving Thorin alone near the gates of the Throne Room. He went inside the vast room to think about the ceremony, to get lost in thought about the future, until it was time to eat breakfast. 

***

A few hours before the Company set off to the outskirts of Erebor and the border between Dale and Mirkwood, everyone got the necessary supplies, which were not many, and organized themselves to depart. The only things that would literally be needed, besides weapons, was water (for themselves and for the plant), and that’s it. It wasn’t going to be a long journey, just a short trek to the location where the tree would be planted. 

“Is everyone ready?” Balin asked. Everyone nodded and headed out of the palace. They walked to the outskirts of Dale, the cool morning air filled their lungs, invigorating them for the day’s task. Bard awaited them, standing tall and resolute with his main advisors: a woman named Alana, her twin brother, Arnis, and Bard’s three children. After they left Dale, they met with Thranduil and a few of his advisors, along with Tauriel. 

"Thranduil,” Bard greeted. “It’s good to see you here.”

“Likewise, Bard,” Thranduil greeted, his voice smooth and regal as he dipped his head in acknowledgment. His gaze then shifted to Thorin, his expression unreadable. “It’s good to see you as well, Thorin.”

“The same goes to both of you,” Thorin replied, his tone courteous yet firm. The past enmity between them was not easily forgotten, but today was about unity. Today, they would plant a symbol of their newfound alliance. He glanced at Gandalf, who was holding the sapling in his hand, feeling the weight of its significance. “So… is everyone ready?” 

“Yes, we all are,” Thranduil said. a slight smile touching his lips as he looked at the large group that had gathered for this important occasion. “Let us proceed to the border now.”

As they began their trek towards the border, the air buzzed with an unspoken understanding among them. The landscape around them was a mixture of dunes, grassy fields, and the distant silhouettes of mountains, the perfect place to mark the beginning of a new era. 

Once they found the spot, everyone made a circle around Gandalf, who had Thranduil, Thorin, and Bard by his sides. 

“We’re all gathered here for the start of this new alliance,” Gandalf began. “An alliance that will transcend all of time. History has been made today, for the people of Middle Earth have been reborn from the ashes and rose back, but this time, they rise in peace and unity. The lands of Dale and Erebor have been successfully reclaimed and established, with the help of a new ally: the Elves of Mirkwood, descendants of Ilúvatar. 

“These lands, however, have not been reclaimed easily. Blood was spilled on them, the blood of brave men, elves, and dwarfs who sacrificed their lives in battle. Their lives were not in vain, and we deeply mourn their departure. Let us have a moment of silence in memory of them.”

A dense and mournful silence fell upon the large crowd, and they felt a sorrowful energy surround them. It almost seemed as if the spirits of the dead soldiers were among them, gazing at the crowd with longing. 

“May they rest with their fathers and mothers,” Gandalf finally spoke. “And let us keep them in our memory.”

“For millenia, the elves and the dwarfs were almost like mortal enemies. As it is known, the Elves were created by Ilúvatar himself, and the dwarves by Aulë, so that he could have a group of people that valued craftsmanship as much as himself. Due to this however, a rivalry developed between these two species, for the Elves felt superior since they were created by Eru himself, and the dwarves were created by one of the Valar, which they perceived inferior to Ilúvatar, and although the Valar are creation of the Almighty…” (3)

Gandalf kept speaking about the long and rooted rivalry of the Elves and the Dwarves, something that many in the crowd were not fully aware of, or at least did not fully know its origins. This was the case with a few Elves accompanying Thranduil,  the humans, and most of Thorin’s company. Many surprised looks kept popping up with every new piece of information Gandalf spoke about. Bilbo, due to his extensive reading, knew many things about Middle Earth mythology, but was definitely caught by surprise by many of the facts Gandalf mentioned, and even found discrepancies in the books he read and Gandalf’s speech. 

“The tree that will be planted today is the Hollin Tree,” Gandalf changed the subject, holding the little sapling in his large palms. “The Hollin Trees are a species that originates from the Elvish region of Eregion, a kingdom ruled by the Ñoldor Elves. This kingdom is near the region of Moria, a land inhabited by the dwarves, who’ve had a trading alliance with the Ñoldor Elves for years. This species of tree can grow in any possible ecosystem, from dense forests to harsh deserts. Its leaves never fall off, and only change color with the different seasons. Like the Elves, it has longevity and wisdom, like the dwarves, it is steadfast and stable, and like men, it is resillient and versatile.”

Everyone was in awe when they saw the tree. Even if it was still small and had leaves that were barely the size of a hobbit’s fingers, it had a strong, ethereal energy that could draw anyone to it. (4)

“Without further hesitation, let us plant this tree, a symbol of hope, endurance, peace, and unity,” Gandalf concluded, taking a step back and placing the little sapling on the floor. Thranduil, Thorin, and Bard stood next to each other and placed their right hands on their chests, preparing to take the pledge that was written the day before. Balin handed Gandalf a piece of parchment, which had all the words of the pledge written in it.

“You will repeat these words after me,” Gandalf said, unrolling the parchment. 

“ I swear upon my honor

That I will keep these lands at peace,

And will not cause further disruption,

For these lands have been reclaimed after

Years and years of suffering and darkness,

And moments of bloodshed and death. 

It is finally time to bury all disputes

And millenia of conflict and rivalry

For today, all species of Middle Earth 

Shall rise from the ashes in unity

We, leaders of the kingdoms

Of Erebor, Dale, and Mirkwood

Will ensure the unison of our people

And the coexistence of our cultures

Today, is the beginning of a brand new era, 

An era that will bring peace and stability.

With this tree, we will forge our new alliance

And swear on our lives to not break it

Until the very end of time.”

Once all the leaders finished the pledge, Thorin knelt on the floor and began digging a hole with a small shovel big enough for the Hollin sapling could fit in. Once the hole was done, Gandalf took it out of its pot and gave it to Bard, who placed in on the hole and covered it with the dirt that had just been digged. Finally, Thranduil knelt to the floor, smoothed out the dirt on the tree, and poured water over it.

“Here, we have it,” Gandalf spoke up. “The Alliance of the Tree of Peace, a unison of the Elves, Men, and Dwarves that will last for ages to come. Let us all ensure that it brings stability, growth, and unity.”

The three leaders stood up and the crowd cheered loudly. Their celebrations coud probably be heard all the way to Dale since they were loud and vibrant. It was finally going to be the start of a new era, a brand new beginning, a chance so that everyone could start all over again.

“Balin, let’s make sure a fence is built around the sapling, we don’t want anything happening to it,” Thorin whispered to the dwarf. 

“I’ll see to it immediately,” Balin replied, his voice carrying the assurance. He glanced at the sapling, its young leaves shimmering in the sunlight. “Rest assured, it will be protected.”

As Balin turned to coordinate with the other dwarves, he noticed Bilbo standing quietly beside Thorin, his expression a blend of contentment and anticipation. There was something almost palpable in the air between them, a silent communication that spoke of their shared journey and deepening bond.

“We’ll go ahead with the others,” Balin said with a warm smile, his eyes twinkling with understanding. “And make sure the fence is built. Take your time, Thorin. This moment is yours.”

As the noise of the celebration continued into the distance, Thorin turned to Bilbo, his gaze softening. 

“This all feels like a dream,” said Bilbo. “Everything that happened…but, you’ve done it, Thorin, and I couldn’t be prouder of you.”

“We’ve done it,” Thorin corrected, holding Bilbo’s hand gently. “You played a crucial role in getting us all the way here, Bilbo, and I can’t thank you enough for it.”

“Oh, come on!” Bilbo laughed, blushing. “I… I didn’t do that much, just what the contract said: retreive the Arkenstone! It wasn’t much, honestly.”

“Well, to me, you did more than that,” Thorin said, getting closer to Bilbo. “You did more than was asked from you, you risked your life, you gave up your home in the Shire… you sacrificed more than you admit.”

“That’s because I care about you lot,” Bilbo said, gazing into Thorin’s cyan eyes. “I care about you, Thorin, more than you comprehend, and I want you to know it.”

Thorin’s breath hitched slightly, and he closed the remaining distance between them, his hand now gently cradling Bilbo’s cheek. “And I care about you, Bilbo, more than words can express. You’ve become someone I can’t imagine my life without.”

Bilbo gazed into the dwarf's oceanic eyes, wanting to close the distance between them. He looked at his lips, and gosh, he wanted to kiss them badly, right here. Thorin stared at the hobbit's hazel eyes, which seemed to be twinkling with the rays of the golden hour. They were filled with longing, with desire, and something more Thorin couldn't exactly place. 

“Excuse me?” Gandalf said, clearing his throat, surprising the two men. “Sorry to interrupt this intimate moment, but I'm afraid we must head back to the kingdom before the sun fully sets.” (3)

“Right,” Bilbo said, feeling bummed by Gandalf’s interruption. “Let's… go.”

Thorin grabbed Bilbo's hand and walked alongside Gandalf towards the kingdom. There was a thick silence throughout most of the trail to Erebor, filled with so many unspoken emotions and feelings. Even if Thorin and Bilbo did not know how to express it, they didn't want to let go of each other… at all.

***

1. Azyungel: Love of loves in Khuzdul 2. Nin mel- My love in Sindarin 3. Information retrieved from The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkien 4. The tree is very similar to the one in Wall-E (2008) in the sense that it represents something really big and important. 5. Reference to the wall scene in Good Omens, Season 1 Episode 2. Episode

[lovenhlboys]

From a Distance (E.Pettersson x Reader)

Chapter 5

Masterlist

Be added to series taglist

A/N: I have finally graduated!! now I have time so I can work on this until its finished, and trust me, it won't take too long, I'll release the other chapters on a faster, more regular basis since I don't have much else to do, and cause I've had the plan and ideas for the rest of this story for so long. I thank you for your patience with me and I hope y'all love it!! And as always Ash is my savior and I love her @imagines-r-s

change in POV is signalized by:

Y/N= regular ELIAS= italics

(any other info is on the masterlist)

Warnings: cursing, Mentions of Psych, baby & baby talk, loving of dogs, goalie being essentially psychic

Words: 3.3k

Summary: some reflecting on prior events happens.

Well, it has been quite the day for you. You never would have thought anything like this could have happened. “Freaking out” isn’t strong enough to describe your current state. You need to talk to someone, god you’re so happy right now. So you call Quinn.

“Hey, Quinny!”

“Sup Y/N/N?” he answers

“I’m picking up from work, and I'm about to head home, where you will be there too, with a bottle of our favorite wine and some take-out.”

“Got it, something important happened?”

“Yeah, you could say that.” you still couldn't stop smiling.

“Ok how important, expensive wine or REALLY expensive wine?”

“Uhhh in between,” you decided.

“Ahhh ok, can't wait. See you there, bye!!”

“Bye, Huggy”

You finish packing up and text Brock to tell him that you and Quinn are having a wine night, to make sure he knows to be somewhere else.

As you’re walking out, you call Holly.

“Hey, Babe!”

“Howdy!”

“God I always forget you interned in Dallas,” she says laughing.

“You pick that shit up quickly, I’m telling you. even the Fins were saying 'y'all'"

“So what’s up?” She asks.

“Are you free tonight, cause I have some very big news so it’s a wine night.”

“Umm, let me see if Bo wants to have the guys over and watch Gunnar” you hear her call her husband and ask him. “He said sure!”

“Okie Dokie! Text Quinn that you’re coming too, so he knows to get your usual from the take-out place” you tell her.

“Will do, and Y/N/N?" she says before you hang up.

“Yep?”

“Do you want me to grab ice cream?” She asks, already knowing your answer.

“Of course!”

“Ok, see you there” she hangs up.

You drive home jamming out to your music, as everyone should. You still can’t believe what happened today. It feels like it happened last week but it also feels like you never left that break room. Hopefully, Elias won’t mind that you’re telling Quinn and Holly. As long as you tell them not to say anything to the other guys, all should be well.

Once you get home, the dogs greet you at the door, “Oh hi! Hi sweeties! Oh yes, yes hi Coolieee, oh you’re such a cutie,” you drop your bags and get down on your knees to get on their level. When you get on your knees, Milo knows it means you want him to hug you, so he hops up and puts his paws on your shoulders. “Hi, hi, hi, oh thank you for the hugs. Oh yes auntie loves you soooooo much mmwwaaa”

Quinn is there and has everything set up and ready to go, so you change into your sweats and grab your blanket, and sit next to Quinn on the couch, grabbing your glass of wine and food before you sit down. Now you just have to wait for Holly

“Sooo, what’s the news?” Quinn asks you.

“Holly isn’t here yet, we have to wait.”

”Oh so it’s that good?” He raises his eyebrows.

“What do you mean?” You question, taking a sip of your wine.

“Well, when the news isn’t that important you usually don’t care if she hears it after me, or I hear it after her. But when it’s super important news, you have the other one wait.”

“Hmm, well then yeah. It’s pretty fuckin’ great, I don’t think I’ve stopped smiling for like 5 hours.”

Just then Holly comes in the door with Gus under one arm and a grocery bag full of ice cream in her other hand, “hi puppies, yes I have your friend with me”

“Oh! Hi Burton!!” You say with your puppy voice.

“Ok, why do you call him Burton? I never understood that.”

“It’s from one of my favorite shows!” You exclaim

“Y/N/N I don’t know if you know this but you, your brother, and Quinn all have like 50 “favorite TV shows” I’m gonna need you to say more than that,” she says to you as she grabs her food from the counter, and heads to the couch. She sits on the side of you not occupied by Quinn.

“Ok, rude,” Quinn sassed.

“It’s from Psych. One of the main characters is called Gus, but his first name is Burton, and the police chief and one of the detectives calls him by his full name which is Burton Guster, so there.”

“Got it.”

“Ok, Holly no more distractions,” Quinn starts, sticking his tongue out at her, she returns the gesture. “So what’s the important news?”

“Oh, you didn’t tell him yet! So it’s really important!” she says.

“Hmm, I guess I do do that,” you realize, “I would actually like you guys to guess” you take a bite of your food, smugly. Knowing neither of them would even have an idea of what to guess.

“Hmmm,” Quinn hums, he looks like he has a mischievous grin “does it have to do with a certain Swede?”

“Wha-“ you choke on your bite of food, Quinn is giggling at your reaction, “the fuck? How’d you know that?”

“Well umm, a certain brother of yours may have asked me if he should do that plan.”

“Why would you do that?’ you whined, upset at your friends for teaming up on you. You couldn’t imagine what you would’ve done if that plan didn’t work out the way it did today.

“Did it work?” He asked with a grin.

“That’s not the point, asshole!”

“See but it worked! He doesn’t hate you anymore, now you can flirt your ass off and make him see you as more than a friend” he tells you.

You laugh, he has no idea what happened in that break room.

“Ok, I’m out of the loop here, what happened?” Holly interjects

“Ok, well my idiot brother and apparently my asshole best friend came up with this plan-“

“Actually Marky and Thatch knew about it too,” he stops you from interrupting, “AND, to be fair, you can’t blame Brock for going to us. I mean I’m your best friend, and the goalies are just good at planning and doing crazy things”

“WELL. Those dicks that I call my closest friends and family, decided it was a good idea to lock me in one of the Canucks break rooms with Elias fucking Pettersson because he hated me and they wanted us to get along”

Holly starts laughing, “oh my god, they did not” she continues to laugh and Quinn joins her. You roll your eyes at them both.

“Yes, they did. I was not a happy camper. But it worked out and he doesn’t hate me.”

“See, I knew it would work! And like I said, now you can work your moves and get him to like you as more than just a friend.” He grins again.

You grin “Oh, also that’s the other part.” You take a long sip of your wine, both Holly and Quinn stared at you wide-eyed, waiting for you to finish, “turns out he’s a great kisser”

“I’m sorry,” Quinn said softly, he took a breath “WHAT?”

“Yeah, would you like more details?”

“Fucking- yeah,” they said simultaneously.

You went on to explain the events that happened in that incredible breakroom

“How the fuck did he keep that a secret, and why?” Quinn exclaimed, clearly confused that he didn't know something so big about who he considers one of his best friends.

“I don't know, but both of you have to absolutely promise me that you won't tell literally anyone else, ok? Not Bo, not Brock, not Demer, Stech, Marky, nobody!”

“Yeah, yeah that's fine,” Holly said, waving her hand in dismissal, wanting to get past that and know more. “So how do you feel?”

“Like the luckiest girl in the world,” you said while giggling with a big smile.

“Y/N/N. I’m so happy for you.” Quinn says with a genuine smile.”

“Ok, enough about me. How were your days?”

“Not as interesting as yours, but Gunnar and I spent the whole day out and about with Bo, and now I’m having a great wine night with you guys so it’s been a pretty amazing day.”

“Yeah, well I spent the whole day waiting for Y/N to come to kill me cause I thought she’d find out I had something to do with that whole situation,” Quinn says.

“Well let me just tell you, Hughes, if it hadn’t ended up the way it did, I may have had a few words for you.”

“I know, that’s why I was panicking the whole day”

“OH MY GOD” Holly shouted as she looked at her phone

“What, what’s wrong?” You ask

“Umm, you are going to LOVE this shit, Y/N/N”

She thrusts her phone in your face. When you look down you see a picture of Elias holding Gunnar, with a toy you hadn’t seen before. Elias looks so happy, looking down at the baby Horvat. Then there’s another alert on Holly's phone, “ohmygod,” you mumble. The alert is another text from Bo, it’s a video this time. You press play. In the video Elias is playing with Gunnar, using a high-pitched baby voice “oh yes you love your new toy that the best uncle in the world got you! Yes, you do cause I’m your very favorite, yes I am. You are just so cute, so lucky you got your looks from your mama, yes you are.”

From behind the camera, you can hear Bo, “Hey, have you looked at him, he looks just like me”

“Daddy is crazy, isn’t he? Yeaaaaah” Elias says to the boy.

The video ends and you see what text Bo had sent along with the picture and video

Bowie 💙: Yes, he got him ANOTHER toy. If he keeps this up, we’re gonna need a bigger house just for the toys lias gets him

“This boy is going to be the death of me I swear to god,” you say, handing the phone to Quinn, and placing your head in your hand. That video was literally the cutest thing you’ve seen in about 5 years.

You continue to talk, you end up explaining what Elias had told you about not doing anything else yet, and what he had said regarding that. You all finish eating and eventually decide on watching some ’how i met your mother’.

After they leave, you spend the rest of the night replaying the events from the break room in your head. Imagining what will eventually happen with you two. You truly can’t believe it. You’ve never felt this way about anyone and you’ve only known he likes you for about 12 hours. Elias Pettersson is going to be a special, if not the most special person in your life. So you pull out your notebook and a pen that you always keep next to your bed and you write your thoughts down.

First, you write the date at the top then skip 2 lines

Elias Pettersson, I think I love you. I know it’s too early to say and we’ve only had one day together, but I need to write this down.

It looks ridiculous and cheesy now that I’m reading it but if my gut is right, which it normally is, I just had to write it down. I had to tell you. If not in real life, at least just in this notebook. As cliche as it sounds, maybe I can show you it one day. I mean I do love myself a hallmark movie, so maybe this can be like one of those.

You sign it at the bottom, close your notebook, and place it back in your drawer.

You’re such a hopeless romantic and you kinda want to make fun of yourself, like you would do if you found out any of the guys did this kind of thing. ( And if you’re being honest, you wouldn’t be surprised if your own brother would do something like this. Your parents kind of instilled a love of romcoms in you guys at a young age.)

So once your thoughts have settled, you close your eyes and drift off to sleep.

Elias’s night wasn’t that much different. He arrived at the Horvat residence with some snacks for the boys, and a new toy for Gunnar, as always. Every time he sees one he knows Gunnar will like, he buys it...it’s a problem.

“Petey!!” Stech shouts as he gets up to grab the snacks from him.

“So how was your daaaaay” Thatcher asks from the couch.

“I’m sure Brock has inform you of how my day went”

“‘Inform’ us he has. But OUR plan is what caused this. WE worked very hard on it” Thatcher says, chuckling.

“Wait, who all knew about it??”

“I didn’t!” Bo shouts from the kitchen!

“And neither did this little boy, he would never betray me,” Elias says, grabbing Gunnar from Brock on the couch and carrying him into the kitchen, the other guys follow. “And guess what Gunnar!!! I got you another toy, cause I’m the best uncle you have, yes I am.”

“Another toy Lias?? Really, I’m going to need to make a whole mother room for all of the toys you get him if you don’t stop”

“But why would I ever stop when he is the best boy ever! He deserves the world, yes he does,” Elias says, looking at Gunnar the whole time.

“Ok, now it’s time for him to have dinner,” Bo says, grabbing Gunnar from Elias.

“So… all of you knew?”

Stech, Brock, Demer, and Marky all nodded, with a guilty look.

“What about you? Elias said, looking at Nils. Nils looked guilty and nodded slowly “my own son? Really Hogs?”

“I’m sorry, I just wants to help you!!”

“We all just ‘wants’ to help you, Petey!” Marky said, mocking the youngest Swede’s mistake. All of them would do that to both of them, make fun of them when they messed up, they just wanted to help them, it’s all in good fun.

“Ok, I know but what if it didn’t work, what would you guys have done?”

“Elias my dear, the point is that it did work. And now Brock won’t have an aneurysm every time you and Y/N/N are in the same room together” Troy says, placing his arm around Elias’s shoulder.

“Yeah Petey, all we wanted was for you to like her as much as we do!” Thatcher said.

“Ok, I never hated her, I just-”, he paused trying to come up with what he was going to say next, “I don’t socialize well, it’s hard for me to talk to people, ok?”

“Which is exactly why we did this. Y/C/N/N is a sweet girl, we just needed to give you both a push since you’re essentially the same person” Marky said.

“LITERALLY” Brock shouted, “ I swear, the more and more I hang out with you, Petey, the more I realize you and my sister are the same. Like sure, she and Quinny are best friends. And like they’re both similar like they’re both shy, awkward, nice, and stuff but you two have the same humor, need for attention, sassy bite, etcétéra etcétéra.”

“Oh my god, you’re totally right! And their fake self confident-ness thingy!!” The other guys shouted assorted affirmations to Nils’s comment.

“What do you mean ‘fake self-confidence thing’?” Elias was confused.

“Both of you do a something where you say stuffs like “well I’m hot, so..” or “cause I’m the best” and my favorite “because the people likes me better than you” but neither of you feel that way far down. You both just like to act like you more confident than you are really.”

“Damn, he called you two out, and he’s so right” Bo chimed in with a chuckle. “Ok, well now that he’s done eating, Marky, can you and the baby Swede go out and pick up the pizza?”

“Yes sir, captain sir!” Marky said saluting Bo.

The rest of them talked while they waited for Gunnars stomach to settle.

“Hey Petey, wanna go grab drinks from the store with me,” Thatcher asks.

“I think we’re good actu-“ Bo starts

“Petey” Thatcher insists with a look that says that’s not exactly the reason why he wants Elias to come with him. And he knows better than to say no to a goalie who gives him that look.

“Yep,” he gets up and follows Demer out the door.

They get in the car and that’s when it starts “so,” Thatch says, “how long have you liked her?” He asks.

“I- uh what? What are you talking abou-”

“Oh save it blondy, I have a 6th sense about this shit.”

“Damn goalies. At least Marky doesn’t know,” Elias mumbles under his breath.

“Oh he definitely does, he just hasn’t said anything for some reason” he laughs.

“How do you know he just doesn’t know?”

“Cause I know this shit, bro. He may have even been messing with you since he and Y/N/N are cuddle buddies and shit. Just to get you to make a move or something”

“HE MADE ME DO THE OPPOSITE! I thought they were together for the longest time until she told me TODAY” That made Thatcher laugh, you know, Elias’s pain and suffering is just HILARIOUS.

Once he calmed down he continued to talk, “Ok, well you didn’t tell us the whole story of what happened in there, so spill” he said as they walked into the store.

“We may have talked”

“....bitch that’s not it, keep going”

“And we kissed a little,” Elias said, face turning red.

“That’s my boy!” Thatcher clapped him on the shoulder.

“You're only 3 years older than me”

“And you're only a year older than Nils, who you claim as your ‘son,’ so shhh” he retorted, “so I assume you two talked about it after, actually knowing you two, that may not have happened,” Thatcher said as they checked out.

“Ha ha ha, yes we talked about it Douglas,” Elias said with an eye roll. “I just told her that I can’t do anything till I do something” he said as they got into the car again.

“What’s that “something” you have to do?” The goalie questioned.

“Talk to her older brother that may just kill me if I tell him so, I’m not too pumped about that.”

“Have you forgotten how much Brock loves you? You’re each other’s work husbands, I think if you tell him he’ll be shocked, but he’d be ok with it.”

“But you didn’t hear what Brock had said about his friend chad in high school! He beat him up and cut him out, I don’t want that to happen to me”

“Petey, if you feel as strongly as I think you feel about YNN then I think you have to tell her, or that would be an extreme disservice to you, her, and honestly my mental health, so you have some work to do.” He said as they finally walked into the Horvat house again.

“Yeah, Petey you have to work on some stuff, like your hair!” Brock quipped.

“Shut up, frat boy, not all of us can have a luscious flow like you.” Elias jabbed back, “oh hi, how’s my favorite person here? Is your tummy settled now, can I finally give you your new toy?”

“Yes, you can,” Bo says, handing his child off to the blonde Swede.

Elias took Gunnar down to the floor, where his new toy was, and played with him while talking in his baby voice, at some point Bo took a video and sent it to Holly, and also his insta story. But that’s ok, he loved his little ‘nephew,’ and honestly, his day couldn’t have gone better.

Tagist: @calgarycanuck @suffering-canucks-fan @2manytabsopen @lovethepreds @callllumhood @mellany1997 @yourlocalgranolagirl54 @all-time-fanatic @Fitnessfreak498 @mysoftboybowen @peachyotps @kale-makar @kentjohnsons @iwantahockeyhimbo @aeyyy-ohhhh @peteysimp @nhlindblom @mitchsmullet @dolphinahabsfan @starswin @heunderwoo @hockeymockeryandlove @peteysimp

[creationcitystreet-em]

His Southern Belle 1

Masterlist Full book 1 summary in the link

Chapter 1

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC (face claim: Rose Leslie)

Word count: ~2450

Summary: Maddi starts her new school in Brooklyn and meets some new friends.

Warnings: none

Author’s Note: I started this fic when I was still in high school, and I have worked really hard on it since. I’m not a fan of some of my writing from earlier chapters, but I don’t want to change them until I at least finish writing the entire story. I will be updating this fic here on tumblr one chapter a day until I am caught up with where I am at on the other platforms I’ve posted it. If you’d like to read ahead of that schedule, you can check them out on from the links on my masterlist. I just also wanted to make the fic available here on tumblr with the rest of my fandom interactions, so this is the plan to do that!

Unless otherwise indicated, all date entries are from Maddi’s POV.

September 5, 1932

I stood in front of the small class while my new teacher introduced me. I was in my best knee length dress trying to make the best first impression but I quickly realized the style in my hometown was very different from that of teenagers in New York. The girls seemed to have a little more money than my family as they wore nicer clothes and styled their hair to the newest fashion. My long red curls were probably a little too messy and I didn't wear the same socks and shoes as the them. I tried not to show how uncomfortable I felt when our teacher asked me to say my name to the class. I smiled and said "My name is Madeline Bennett, but my Mama and Daddy called me Maddi." I immediately heard laughter from the students and it made me feel twice as self conscious. It must be my accent, people in Brooklyn definitely sounded different than those in Tennessee. As soon as the teacher let me sit, I chose the only empty seat next to small and skinny boy with blond hair. He smiled at me but it was not cruel like the other kids when I walked to my seat, so I gave a small smile back.

During lunch, I sat alone until I heard the sound of a boy talking in front of me, "hey new girl, you know I can show you around if you want. I know some great places we can sneak off to together." I politely declined as I could tell his intentions did not seem innocent. He continued to push "Come on, look I know a lot of people laughed at you in class, but I can keep you safe baby doll. Once you're with me, nobody will be laughing." I immediately looked back down at my food trying to ignore the group of boys as they snickered behind the nameless boy who talked to me. I could tell this was probably a trick considering they were clearly still mocking me like before, and I just wanted to be left alone. I tried to hold back tears as I thought about how much I wished I could go back home with my family. I didn't want to be in Brooklyn hundreds of miles away from the only home I ever knew. I didn't want make new friends or learn how to live with a new family I barely knew. I wanted my safe little town where everyone knew who I was and nobody would dare pick on me unless they wanted my brother going after them. I missed my brother more than I ever would have admitted to him.

Just then, two more boys came to my table and I thought it would only get worse. "Leave her alone Jason, she clearly doesn't want to talk to you right now," the smaller of the two said. I now recognized him as the boy I sat next to in class.

"Alright Rogers, what are you going to do to stop me?" It was a fair questions, the boy was half a foot smaller than Jason and clearly much skinnier than the already developing teen.

"Listen Gally, I know you can see me standing right next to Steve here so you clearly should know when to keep your mouth shut. Now the lady said no earlier so I think you should respect her wishes and take your friends and leave." Jason Gally stared at the taller boy, who looked more like a man, and finally decided to leave. I continued to remain frozen in place after everything that happened, until I saw the two that helped me start to walk away as well.

"Wait!" I called to them as I wanted to tell them I appreciated what they did. They turned around and looked at me and I gathered up all the courage I had left to keep talking despite knowing they will clearly hear my accent. "Thank you for that. I got your name, Steve, but I didn't really catch yours," I said to the taller one.

"James Barnes, but everyone calls me Bucky."

"Well Bucky, Steve, thank you again."

"It was no problem, Maddi right?" Steve questioned to make sure he remembered my name correctly. I was pleasantly surprised and nodded my head yes.

I took a leap of faith and suddenly asked, "would y'all like to sit with me?" They stared at me for a second and I tried to explain myself quickly, "It's just that I'm new and don't have any friends yet. You two were so kind to stand up for me and I just wanted to know if maybe you would want to sit with me." I prayed I didn't just scare the two nice people in front of me off, but then they looked at each other and sat down across the table from me. I started to smile as they began to ask me about where I was from and why I moved to Brooklyn. "I'm from Tennessee, and I moved here to live with my Aunt and Uncle. They're the only family I really have left." they stayed quiet knowing I didn't want to go too deep into that subject just yet. The two nodded and didn't push anymore about it. I was very grateful for that.

It was towards the end of lunch and Steve said "Well Maddi, I'm glad we met you. Bucky is a year older than us but we still hang out after school. Where do you live, maybe we can walk home together?" I told them the general area I moved to and they both eagerly said they lived near there. We made plans to meet after school and for a brief second I thought that maybe moving to the big city wouldn't have been as terrible as I initially thought. I wished I could be back home, but knowing that I would never get to go back, having a couple friendly people here was the best I could ask for.

September 24, 1932

“How has school been going, Maddi?” Aunt Lily asked as I ate dinner with her and Uncle Ryan.

“Alright. I made a couple friends, but I don’t really seem to fit in with the class. They dress and talk different than back home.” I played with my food a bit while I thought about how the last couple weeks have been. Steve and Bucky were definitely very nice to call friends and I liked spending time with them, but girls still gave me strange looks and boys would bother me if I wasn’t with my new companions.

“Well, our neighbors have a granddaughter on the other side of town about a year or two older than you. I’ll see if she has any extra dresses you can have,” Aunt Lily offered. I knew she and Uncle Ryan felt bad for not having enough money to spend on me, but I really didn’t mind. With their two children already grown and moved across the country, they didn’t exactly plan to pay for an extra mouth to feed. Times were hard enough as it was without unexpected expenses. I never actually met these family members before: we never had the money to travel, but I heard about them a lot.

September 30, 1932

I wore my new dress that seemed to match more with the girls at school and it made me feel a little less nervous, but I also felt sad to be giving up more and more from my life in Tennessee. I sat with Steve and Bucky at lunch like I did everyday, and we talked about frivolous things until I asked Steve what was in the book he always carried around.

“It’s a sketch pad, I like to draw,” he said shyly.

“Can I see?” I asked and he hesitantly handed me his sketch pad and I flipped through the pages in awe. Each piece of paper had beautifully drawn pictures of buildings and landscapes. He had a few with people, but one close up of a young woman and man who looked in their early 20s. “Who are they?” I curiously questioned.

“That’s my parents,” he said quietly. “It’s from a picture when they were newly married. I don’t really remember my dad, he died in the Great War.”

“I’m sorry,” I said hoping I didn’t make him feel sad as I knew how it felt to lose a parent. “I lost my ma when I was young too, not as young but still I was 5 when she got sick.”

“Is that why you moved?” Bucky asked me.

“No, I still lived with my daddy and brother, Alex, until this summer when a storm hit and they both died. I was with a friend when it hit and a tornado took down my entire house and my family inside.”

“Jeez, I’m sorry Maddi,” Steve said as I fought back a few tears thinking about what happened.

“Don’t worry about it. I was lucky to have Aunt Lily and Uncle Ryan to take me when they heard, and now I got to meet you two so that’s good I guess.” I tried to look towards the better things in situations but it was always hard.

“Well, you’re officially our friend so there’s no getting out of it now,” Bucky said with a smirk.

“Only now it’s official? What has been the last month then?” I asked with a laugh.

“A trial friendship,” Steve stated smiling.

“Yeah, just to make sure you weren’t crazy or anything” said Bucky.

“I’m glad y’all think I’m worthy of being your friend then!” I winked at them as I continued the joke. We all laughed as we finished our food and headed back to class for the day.

December 24, 1932

“The snow is so beautiful on Christmas,” I sighed as I walked through the park with Steve and Bucky like we sometimes did together.

“It sure is, but I’ve always wanted to see snow where there were no buildings in sight. Just miles of it with nothing else to mess the blanket of white up,” Steve told me as we saw children running through the already played in snow.

“That is a sight to see, but I think that's just wasted? Look at how happy all this available snow makes everyone, that’s something worth drawing.” I said this as I knew that was one of the reasons he probably liked the idea of untouched snow: to be able to draw the scene. “Draw me and Bucky!”

“What?” Bucky questioned, not sure what he had to do with this topic.

“Draw us playing in the snow,”  I requested with a smile. Bucky quickly got the idea and ran towards a clean pile. He made a snowball and threw it directly at me hitting me on the shoulder. “Alright Barnes, you have it coming to you now!” and I laughed while I ran to make a snowball as well except I missed when throwing it at him. He laughed at me until I made another and hit him square in the face. I heard a chuckle from Steve and I looked over at him sitting on a nearby bench watching us and making small rough sketches in his book. “Come one Steve, put it to memory and come play with us!” He looked slightly surprised for a second until he put his book down and came over to join our snowball fight. We did this for about an hour until we sat down on the bench to rest. Steve quickly went right back to his book to continue his scene he started on. We sat in silence for a while just taking in the day.

“What are your holiday plans, Maddi?” Bucky asked.

“I’m not sure. We haven’t really talked about it. We’ll probably go to Mass tonight and I got a small present for my aunt and uncle tomorrow. I don’t really expect much of a present for myself; besides, my favorite part has always been Christmas Eve Mass. My daddy and Alex and I would go and then always visit mama after. I guess I can’t see any of them this year since their all buried in Tennessee.” I had never really thought of that until now and it quickly took away all of my joy from playing in the snow before. “They would have liked you guys,” I added before they could reply. “You're both gentlemen and passionate about what you care for.”

“They’d like Bucky,” Steve tried to clarify as he continued to draw.

“No, they’d like you both,” I told him with confidence. “Especially you, your heart is much more kind than this silly guy sitting next to me,” I laughed as I sat between them and gestured towards Bucky.

“Hey!” Bucky said with a smile. “Just because it's true doesn't mean you have to say it!” Steve just stayed quiet and had a slight blush on his face.

I put my arms around both their necks and said “thank you for making Brooklyn more bearable.”

“You did that,” Steve said as he looked at me and I smiled back at him.

December 25, 1932

There was a knock on the door and I went to answer it. When I opened the door, Steve stood there waiting and I gave him a surprised smile. “Hey,” he started. “I know today is mostly spending with family so I’ll try to be quick. I just wanted to give you your present.”

“Steve, you didn’t have to get me anything!” I began to feel bad as I had nothing to give in return.

“It’s nothing, here.” He handed me a piece of paper and I saw it was a beautiful drawing of Bucky and I in the snow from the previous day. I just stared at it for a few seconds in awe before he continued, “Sorry it isn’t that detailed, I was trying to finish as quick as I could and the shading might not be-” I cut him off by hugging him.

“I love it!” I said as he wrapped his arms back around me. “I love the art you make, it’s so good. Thank you for giving me one, it really means a lot.” We both let go and and he was redder than I had ever seen him before.

“Well, I’ll keep that in mind,” he said with a chuckle. We then said our goodbyes and he went back home to spend the rest of the day with his mother.

Next Chapter

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

Date: Wednesday, August 14, 2019 Time: 11:56 pm

I’m curious. Does anyone look forward to reading my letters? -calls out- “Anyone?” -dead silence emits so deafening, I stop talking-

So.. I was reading letters I have sent you. And, shit. The people who take the time to read these letters must think I am selfish.

All I talk about are men, my attraction to men, my desire to have a girlfriend, or whatever.

Which, if y'all know me, you KNOW, I’m going to get back to it.

But for a short bit, let’s talk about things that aren’t guys or girls.

Here are a number of facts about me you, Charlie, and other people reading this may not know about…

I’m very unsatisfied with my weight. I weigh about 195 pounds, and am working to drop to 120 pounds. I don’t feel attractive in my skin. I can’t see my vag anymore.

I haven’t orgasmed ever. I am 24 fucking years old. Why the fuck haven’t I cum yet? God..

Happier topics, Mare. Okay. There is this app I use called SLOWLY, where you create a username, and bio about yourself. You can start sending letters to people across the world. I’ve had letters coming in from China, India especially, the U.K., Australia, Taiwan, Russia, Portugal, tip of Africa. So many letters. And, you do get standard. ‘Yo baby. Send me nudes.’ This one guy got clever and asked me for nudes in Morse Code. I kindly sent him back to go fuck himself. The only person who gets to see my beautiful breasts is me, and the barren vag, cause I swear to myself, I never ever see Nic. (<– Sorry. No talk of guys for the next few paragraphs). The issue is.. like, there is an option where you can send three letters at a time. With an intro letter. One night, I thought it would he fun (WORST. MISTAKE. EVER.) to send 15 letters. (Keep in mind about 4 of the many letters I have sent, do I keep up a regular correspondence with. So, add 15 potential regular friends, and you have a recipe for disaster). Omgosh, Charlie + readers: I never have time to respond to these letters. Damnit, me. Why the fuck did you do that?

Okay. I started a new job. Yeah. You heard right. The ever so fucking afflicted depressed, intoroverted, frustrated, book crazy, bisexual who cant hold down a job, found a new one. Through a temp agency. I work with ______ _____ ____, at _____ _____, which is just 10 minutes from my house. The job is way better than the piece of shit I put up with for 6 mths. I love the different calls we get. But the mother fucking training at this call centre was mother flipping shit. There are so many 'processes’ you have to remember when helping a 'guest’ with a request that I want to cry. (I hope I keep at the job). Please fucking pray for me.

Did you know I didn’t always used to curse the way I do? Throughout high school, I would only curse when I would get hurt (like for example that time an anvil crushed my toe. Lol. This totally didnt happen. Though, this one time. I cut myself on this chunk of thick glass from a broken lamp at 12 urs old, that I was taking to the dumpster. It sliced my thigh, blood was gushing out I imagine. I started screaming. My mom, uncle, and cousin freaked the fuck out. I obviously lived to tell the tale. Y'all should see the scar.) And then I was influenced by boys (since I only hung out with guys through the last two years of high school) to curse. And now, I can’t seem to stop.

I make weird posts on Whisper. My username is ______ For anyone who wants to chat with me about my crazy life, follow me on ____ at @_______. Lol. (I hope y'all know when I include the blanks I’m being funny).

What other facts to share.. I made a friend on Slowly, but work really got me busy, plus I am always freaking tired. I didn’t respond for nine days with a letter, and I noticed she deactivated her account. It really hurt. Her name was Becca. She was trans, but didn’t tell her crazy conservative family. 19, super sweet. Liked video games and Eminem for a bit. I seriously miss her.

Other facts.. Did I mention (no, of course you didn’t mention Mare. All you ever talk about are failed relationships, current relationships, or almost relationships), I’m looking to learn Italian AND Spanish? Of course! Why the hell wouldn’t I try to influence my American self with my Mexican self? (Totally Hispanic in case y'all cohldn’t guess. My mom says I speak Spanish like a white girl. Well, shit… Time to go to Mexico and get ridiculed for being too white and not knowing Spanish or customs) Joking aside, I’m looking forward to teaching myself Spanish and Italian. (Don’t tell the family, but I prefer Italy over Mexico).

Y'all ready to get to the real reason why y'all stick through my letters?

Nic doesn’t want me to explore my bi side. Ken hasn’t been on Skype for a month. I miss him.. (Great, conflicted Mary is back again). Did I mention that today is my 3rd year anniversary with the Nicholas? Totally is. What did we do to celebrate? I woke up at 5 in the morning, waited for him to show up at 6, and ate tacos in my apartment parking lot. Then, I went to work, and he went home to sleep. We are going to Bastrop for the weekend which is just 20 minutes from my grandparents. Maybe I should go visit. (Why the hell don’t I call my family? Am I really that fucking self absorbed? Family trumps dudes any fucking day..) and I hope the trip is nice. I just texted him like 45 min ago of us drifting apart. Because… he will talk about things that seriously, Charlie, I could give two fucks about, then we will talk about ice cream, for example, and he goes off on a tangent about something little do with ice cream. Sometimes, I feel like I guilty stay with him because I do fucking love him, but I could be holding myself back from experiencing new things.

I want to write more. Bare with me for a moment, Charlie. Okay, I’m back. (That was a second break, in real time in case y'all were wondering)

My thoughts aren’t flowing as well. I wish I knew a friend who was bi or a lesbian who would like to explore with me. And not have it change things.

So, I have a shit sleep schedule. I’ll come home at 5 ish in the evening. I’ll sit in traffic for twenty min. Come home. Eat something. Fall asleep by 7. Wake up at 10, and stay awak indefinitely. Then wake up at 6, and start over. (What is wrong with me?)

Oh. More breaks from relationship shit. I saw a therapist. Three visits. It was nice. His name is Tim. (Had to stop because I literally have no fucking time to see a dr anymore psychologist or medical, because my schedule is a fucking bitch). He graduated from Harvard! That is awesome. His attire was well groomed, always. I never told him he intimidated me because of that. But he was a nice guy. Time to go to psychologytoday.com to look for weekend available therapists who take my insurance. I hope if I am to become a psychologist, that I’m a tiny better than Tim. He was lovely, I was just unnerved by someone focusing such time on me. But, that is kind of what he is paid for? So….

Oh. Have I mentioned at all to you, Charlie about how I want to start a YouTube channel? I want to read stories I find on the internet. Annnd, I’m pretty excited. I get my mic maybe with next weeks paycheck.

I feel like there is more to add. For anyone you may have lost touch with over the years, Charlie, does the thought of that person and the memories you shared together ever make you cry? I found a CD an old friend left to me for my birthday. And it broke my heart that we aren’t close anymore. I feel like I .. let my true relationships go in my worst state of mind.. And, I miss her so much. It really really hurts. I’m crying just thinking about it.

Also, I’m not sure if I mentioned, there are rare cases where I will laugh so hard at something I found to be funny, that I make others worried or uncomfortable. But the laughter turns to sobbing (sobbing such as my mom dying, or my brother getting hit by a car, or someone killing me) just as severe. I tried asking like crazy, and no one seems to know. That is, until a month ago, a friend from the meetings I go to (please tell me I’m not so vapid that I forgot to tell you I go to Monday meetings with DBSA for my depression) showed me what I have.. which I forgot the name of. But it is a treatable condition. Something to do with sensitivity.

I can’t hear well out of my right ear. I need to see a doctor.

Thanks to those who stayed with me this far.

I hope to have more news on my relationship status.

I seriously have like two friends on Tumblr. Why do I use this app again?

I love you, Charlie

Always,

Mary

[oldladydatin]

I’m a baller, shot caller

I bought a brand new car yesterday! It’s my first new car. My ex and I bought cars but never for me, yes if you haven’t noticed I end up with incredibly selfish men. My kid was sick, it’s like the 4th day of school and he wakes up screaming at midnight. I almost took him to the ED cause it was respiratory, he was wheezing and it was a little scary, so I kept him home to watch him. So unfortunately he had to go with me to the dealership but it wasn’t our first dealership trip together. I’ve been looking at cars. My ex and I purchased a lemon 5 years back and I got stuck with it. The transmission is going, some sensor went in the shifter that was $800 for just the sensor, but I found an amazing mechanic and he just bypassed it for me. However it’s the second transmission and I’m not willing to do that again.

My son loves car shopping, these guys are smart. Like if my kid is acting crazy I’m not staying, so they spoil him. Hey do you want a soda? Do you want ice cream, not even kidding they gave him ice cream. Yesterday he was checking out corvettes with the sales rep while I was doing my thing. They let him get in and everything. I hate dealing with sales people. I’m actually a very well educated woman, among other things I have a minor in marketing and I understand sales. I had no intention of buying a car, I had one picked out online already, I already knew what the payment was going to be, I already knew all the terms for that car and it was better than what the Subaru dealer offered. But I was urged by my Uncle to go there, she swore she got a good deal. They ask me a ton of questions, how big is your family, what will you need the car for, what are features you want in this car. They keep asking if my husband will be on this loan. I said no there’s no husband and explained I was getting divorced. They brought out this car and I didn’t love it, they brought me another one. I said look I care more about the payment, like generally I need these things but let’s talk money. So I chose the one they brought that would best fit my needs and we look at how much this would cost.

I got approved no problems. I am beyond proud of that. When I left my marriage I didn’t necessarily have credit. We had once owned a house and both worked in the auto industry and 2008-2009 happened and we lost our jobs, then our house. There were 8 houses foreclosed on, on our 3 block street. My factory laid off 1500 people 3 days before Christmas, his closed completely two weeks after we had my daughter. That’s how things were where we were living, We filed bankruptcy and gave back the house and left state. I’m glad we filed bankruptcy because other people I know didn’t and when they lost their house they were responsibly for the difference in what they owed versus what the bank bought it for. So we owned a 3 bedroom, with a full basement on 1 acre and we bought it for $70,000 and the bank sold it for $33,000 after foreclosure. We’d have been responsible for $37,000 but we filed bankruptcy so we weren’t. After the bankruptcy we moved state to state and I mostly stayed home with the kids so I never did anything with my credit. We’d put utility bills in my name and then my ex would decide we were moving and he’d refuse to pay the bill. So on my credit report is no positives, just unpaid utility bills. But since the divorce I’ve been working on my credit, in the last 9 months I brought my score up 100 points and now I’m in a situation to buy things I need, like a car. It’s taken so much work and I’m so proud of how far I’ve come.

I didn’t like all the terms of the loan they presented and like I said I didn’t intend on buying a car, I had one picked out already and I was in love with it. So I said well I need time to think about this. They tried to bully me into taking this loan and I kept saying no. They were throwing numbers and unnecessarily complicated terms at me, trying to overwhelm me, telling me this was the best I would do and insinuating I’d be stupid to turn this down. Then finally I said look I don’t love the car, that’s too much to pay, the payments are too much and I just came down to see what you had to offer and I have, so I’m okay and I stood up. They realized I wasn’t playing and I was really leaving. Finally he says Mrs. ______ what would it take for you to buy this car today. Now I told these men I was getting divorced, that I preferred to be called by my maiden name, so this bothered me. I said no it’s Mizz (my maiden name), cause I’m taking that shit back y'all! You need to drop the price to this, I’m not taking payments more than this, and I’m not okay with that interest rate. I essentially gave him the terms of the used car I was intending on buying. They looked a little shocked. But I did not sit down. I said this is a 2019 and we are month away from 2020, you have 2020’s on the lot and you are going to be dropping the price soon anyways because it’s not a new car anymore. He said okay sit down, sit down, I’ll see what I can do and used my correct name. So we sat down. He asked what would be an acceptable payment and my son piped up and was like less than this, because now he’s all involved with his 8 year old self. He broke up the intensity. So at this point I felt like I was being held hostage, for real, but the financial guy went back to his desk. He comes back 20 minutes later with a new offer. So I got this brand new car for just a few thousand more than the used car with 80,000 miles on it that I was going to buy. He found some rebates and things. I got an interest rate that was half what I would’ve gotten with the other car and my payments were a little less, so I took the car.

I am extremely proud of the woman I am becoming, she’s strong, she’s independent, and she takes no shit. “I see pride, I see power, I see a badass mother, who won’t take no crap off of nobody.”

[jacksgreysays]

"Snapdragon" for Shisui/Shikako, if you feel comfortable with it? I'm really enjoying the Gardens!Shikako verse going on in the Recursive thread on FFnet, and I think these two would have an interesting dynamic in another reality

I had to do some sleuthing to figure out what you were talking about, anon, because while I love the recursive fic forums, they also frighten me a little. My completionist tendencies won’t let me do it unless there’s a specific ‘verse I’m reading, so if nothing else I appreciate the fic rec; wafflelate is a fantastic author!

I am going to specify, though, that this is based mostly on wafflelate’s linked posts… the “canon” thread, if you will, because I’m not sure what else has been accepted as true or not. Although I did like the idea that… wait, hold up, *SPOILERS* y'all. I’d suggest checking out wafflelate’s The Many Gardens of Shikabane-hime before reading this, otherwise it won’t make much sense.

Anyway…

I liked the not-(yet?)-canon idea that Konoha interprets Shisui’s testimony as Shikako being a Senju descendant with the Mokuton and blood access to the vault (in order to steal the lightsaber). And I’m also liking “Kamiko” as her name as derived from “Kako” since “Shikako” is a little too obvious for her parentage, though given her penchant for shadow jutsu, they are aware she is also Nara.

I’m personally going to go with the idea that Shikako’s existence is fairly unique in the multiverse–maybe in the style of Lady Hallen and Fragile Dreams, in that Shikamaru was born a twin but said twin did not live through the Kyuubi’s corrosive chakra eighteen days later–so “Kamiko” is the only (living) Shikako in this universe.

Now, all that being said, anon, Shisui/Shikako as a ship in the Gardens!verse is rather compelling and I love your choice of title. It harkens to both Gardens and DoS, and given the meaning of snapdragons is deception that works pretty damn well for both Shikako and Shisui. Perfection!

Snapdragons can also mean grace under pressure and inner strength which is also pretty apt for both of them as well. However, in Japanese hanakotoba, it can signify a range of meanings, such as foresight, shamelessness, or an intrusive person. Which… also sort of works? And… apparently they look like skulls when they wilt? Dang, I am learning so much.

… er… enough fawning on my part!

So the main problem I’m seeing is that Shikako will always be trying to go back home (after she’s made sure that Kakashi is relatively safe) and unless that can be definitely closed as an option, then that will stay between her and anyone else that is not Kakashi and prevent her from getting close. Then again, Shisui is the kind of person who is best friends with Itachi, so it’s not like a couple (hundred) secrets will frighten him off.

But I do think that is an issue that needs to be resolved before Shikako can start to put down roots (heeeeeey) and get emotionally involved with this particular dimension, much less its people (besides this Kakashi), even much much less some Uchiha who she’s never met before.

A simple way would be to have Gelel tell her that what she wants can’t happen. Sure she can use their power to go into another dimension, but she’ll never get back to her specific dimension. The multiverse is vast with all sort of dimensions forming and dying and brushing past each other. They’re not linear paths she can just jump across, or even tangled strings that–if she just finds the right one–she can just track back home. Each dimension is more like a air molecule, bouncing around and past each other, no bonds holding them in any semblance of order. The dimension she came from has long since blown beyond her reach and there is no wind that can bring her home. At best, she’ll just doom herself to traveling forever, bouncing between dimensions that get further and further away from something she can recognize.

That’s bleak, sorry, but I really do think it needs to be a definitive no, otherwise she will always try to go home. As for how the Gelel know this, well… they did create a massive seal that still worked for centuries after their empire fell and was forgotten so… if Shikako and the Uzumaki could create three dimensional seals (which Konoha are baffled by) then whose to say the Gelel weren’t also super sealing genii.

With that out of the way the story then becomes smaller. It’s no longer about Shikako fighting the cosmic flow of time and space–pausing only to help someone who is very similar to her teacher–but rather a more intimate story about a figurative fish out of water settling into a village which has no idea what to do with her.

That’s the kind of setting we need here, anon.

So as I said earlier, I did quite like the idea of Shikako being assumed to be a SenjuxNara descendant. From there–and I don’t know if someone else thought of this already, but if they have then sorry–I like the idea that in order to resolve Kakashi’s “PR nightmare” (or whatever it was that got him named comrade-killer) with her sudden appearance and bewildering heritage, that they (probably Tsunade) say that he was on a “secret undercover mission from the Sandaime” to protect the last Senju from Danzo.

And, well, he’s dead so who’s to say he didn’t. Also, it worked for Itachi, kind of, so…

Unfortunately, Shikako no longer has her uncle’s earrings–but that could have sort of explained how Kamiko learned shadow jutsu so long Ikoma had a interesting shinobi career with several unaccounted for gaps. Maybe he was ANBU or MAYBE he was training a secret SenjuxNara child?! He’s dead too, no one can say otherwise!

… I’m getting very off track, I think.

Basically what I’m saying is, Shisui would fit perfectly in this political subterfuge campaign and if anyone’s going to bring the Uchiha clan out of their pariah-hood it would be a ridiculously powerful Senju x Nara who has, if not hard evidence, then an easily proven list of Danzo’s crimes and intended crimes.

Also, she killed Orochimaru, so shut up. (FINE, Kakashi helped A LITTLE, but he’s the only one who can say anything)

Speaking of, Kakashi would probably be one of the few people to tease her about the Shisui thing. Like, everyone else is super serious around her and is just “yes, what a politically advantageous match,” or “whatever the crazy powerful badass wants, she gets” whereas he’s just like… “ah, my adorable little kouhai, growing up so fast.”

I think this is all I got, anon, sorry for being slightly incoherent about it and thanks again for pointing me in the direction of Gardens!verse.

~

Ask Box Event Now Open!

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 158

Chris

"You have to go out of town when?" I ask Trey.

"Friday."

I look at the calendar on my phone. "In 4 days. You coming to Cali?"

"Naw. New York. It's a day trip. I'll leave Friday night and be back by 3 I think."

"I'll be in New York in 4 days." I say lying but adding it to my calendar.

"Yeah?"

I kiss Sevyn on her neck. "Yeah. So what you doing right now?"

"Waiting for Caden to pee."

"Say what? You make being a father sound disgusting."

He chuckles. "They say if he pees without a problem he is healing properly. If that is the case we get to take him home in two days."

"2 days? Shit man. I need to be there in 2 days." I say looking back at my calendar.

"I'm excited to hear that. I had a private conversation with the therapist about Cammie. She says our method was unorthodox but it worked. She wouldn’t have recommended forcing her away from the hospital. She thinks that Cammie is far from having postpartum."

"That's that depression shit, right?"

"Yeah."

I nod. "That's good. You sound like you not really happy about it."

He yawns. "I'm fighting my sleep."

"Nigga I'm sure you don't have to watch his dick to see if he pee."

"Bitch." he laughs slightly. "I'm trying to wait for Cammie to come back."

I text my manager to see if I could get my days changed around. I know I said that I didn't want things piled up but now I need my time for something more important. I feel like I need to be there when the baby comes home.

"Trey?" I snap. Silence. "Bitch ass."

I hang up the phone then kiss Sevyn. She swings her arm at me. I call Mama April. I wanted to talk to somebody about the good news.

"Hey, Chris."

"Hey, Ma. You talked to Trey?"

She blows. "No, is he upset about me not being in Atlanta?"

"No."

"Okay, good. So what's going on with you?"

I stand in front of the mirror. "I'm good. Great. So you ain't hear the good news. Word, let me tell you. Caden just got out of surgery. Trey waiting on him to pee."

She screams. "They... Already. How did it go?"

"I guess good. Trey waiting on him to pee. If he does then they taking him home in two days."

"Chris!" April yells. "Thank God!"

I nod. "Yeap. Cammie doing good too. Therapist says she not even worried about Cammie having the depression thing."

She sighs. "I was so worried about her. Oh Lord. I'm so happy. Let me get my ass to Atlanta."

"Where you even at?"

"Trey don't worry about me like that no more. I'm in Virginia at this store. Had to do a few things. I haven't been here in a while."

"He all into Cammie."

She chuckles. "I used to hate Cammie, you know."

"Did you?"

"I was waiting for Trey to mess up so I can say I told you so."

"What happened?"

"She came to my house and wowed me. Loved her ever since. You know it was only a short while that I hated her. A few days. I thought she was fake but that's just Cammie. Still that blonde perky girl."

I shake my head. "Naw, Ma. Not that pregnant girl."

"Well, yeah not pregnant. I mean nobody can be perky pregnant."

"What kinda gift you getting?"

She takes a while to think. "I don't know. I was looking through his room and he has everything he needs. Even tiny diapers."

"I'm thinking a bear with his name."

"Do you know his name?"

I laugh. "No."

"Caden Elijah Neverson. Don't forget about my jealous Prince. He likes gifts."

"I got Lane. I know what he likes."

She sighs. "I'm so happy. Let me get a flight back to Atlanta. When will you be in Atlanta?"

"I'm coming tomorrow more than likely. Just in case he goes home early."

"My baby coming home. Let me go Chris."

I smile. "I'm not stopping you."

"Love you. And thank you."

"Love you too."

Sevyn look at me. "Who the fuck you on the phone with making plans?"

"Mama." I say showing her the screen. "You hear so good you missed the part about the baby going home."

"I didn't hear shit about a baby. Who baby?"

I make a face at her. "Who else I care about?"

"What?" she sits up. "When? Oh my gosh."

"Two days but Imma be there tomorrow."

She smiles lying her head down. "I know my baby happy. I'm so happy for her. I love her fucking life."

"I told you we can make our own."

"It doesn't matter Chris. I will forever love her life." she giggles. "That's my trophy bitch."

I get on top of her. "You my trophy bitch."

She yawns. "I have a show tomorrow."

"Damn, what time?"

"You go to Atlanta. I'll be there afterwards."

I kiss the middle of her lower back. "I'll do it. You know I'll leave for them."

"Good cause if I didn't have a show and you did. I would leave your ass."

"I have something to go to tomorrow then I'm going." I rub her ass. "With or without you."

She pushes me. "Aren't you supposed to be somewhere? Get ready, Man."

I turn to the clock. "Oh shit. I forgot."

  Cammie

Lane jumps on the bed as I read the story. It was about a dog who found his way back home after being lost. Lane seemed as though he wasn't paying attention but if I try to skip a page he comes over to look at the book. April said it's his favorite. I didn't think he really knew the damn story.

"The End." I say finally.

"The dog happy?" Lane asks getting in my face.

I nod. "Yes, because he made it home and had his favor bed and food waiting for him."

"And he eat the food?"

"Yes he did."

Lane goes to get another book. "Read this, Mommy. Or this?"

"Why do you suddenly give people choices?"

"This one?"

I nod my head. "Yes."

He puts it back. "No, you want this one. K, Mommy?"

"Okay."

"Mommy, this my bed?" Lane ask touching it.

I smile. "Yes."

"Thank you."

"You something else."

He gives me the next book to read. "Mommy, I want some..."

"Some nothing." I say while he think.

"Cookie." he says ignoring me. "Come on, Mommy."

Before I could say anything he slides off of the bed sure that I would follow. I sit the book down then get up. He runs out of the room. I speed my walk up. He would be climbing shelves if I don't hurry up.

"Lane, I'm happy that Caden coming home." I say.

"No, not, Mommy."

"Yes I am."

Lane cuts his eyes at me. For the first time I realize that he is playing. Oh my gosh. I'm sitting here thinking that he is being mean to Caden because he is small and new. He isn't. He is treating Caden like he treats Trey. Why didn't I realize that? I give him two cookies. He runs back out of the kitchen headed for his room. I take my time getting back there. Trey suggested that Caden and Lane share rooms. I think that's too much for someone who is three years older than their sibling. He isn't going to want to share, not everything.

"Mommy cookie." Lane says sitting it on my lap after I get on the bed. "Daylan cookie."

"Who is Daylan?"

He laughs. "I me."

"You Daylan?"

"Yes."

"What is my name?"

He bites his cookie. "Mommy."

"What's my other name?"

"Mommy." he giggles.

I reach for his stomach. He shields it and laughs really hard. He won't say my name but he says Trey's name as a joke. He turns over on his stomach laughing. I rub his back lightly with my nails. He wiggles away from me.

"You Jayla." he says at the foot of the bed. "Cammie Mommy."

"You think you smart?" I reach for him.

He jumps into my hand then starts beating it up. "Mommy."

I grab him bringing him to me. "I love you. Do you love me?"

"Yes." he yells jumping into a hug. "I love Mommy!"

"You just not calming down are you?"

He picks up the cookie then bite it. "I eat you cookie."

"Did you?" I kiss his neck.

"No, Mommy."

I hug him while he eats the cookie. I love my baby so much. When I had him I felt like I couldn't love nobody more than I love him. Caden changed that. I can love somebody, no more, but just as much. I need to focus on Trey. I love him but in the back of my mind I feel like it won't last. I don't want to be hurt by him. You know, at the end of the day he is a entertainer and I know the life they live. I hug Lane. I don't want to think about that. I just want to think about this man that loves me unconditionally.

"Cookie all gone."

"That's fine. I don't care if the cookie gone."

He starts rubbing his eyes finally. I'm going to make sure I'm here when he wakes up. He might know I'm waiting for him to go to sleep to leave him. He starts whining.

"What's wrong?"

"I want Uncle Rollie."

I pick him up and carry him to Rollie. He is sitting in the den watching TV.

"You don't think it's cold in here?"

"No."

I sit Lane on his lap. "It is. Let me get a blanket."

"What happen to waiting til after? I'm not dealing with that."

"He wanted you."

"Solider Puppy." Rollie says holding Lane away from him.

Lane fights him. "No, not."

Rollie chuckles then let him clinch to his neck. I leave out to get Lane a blanket. When I come Rollie is talking to him low. He giggles sleepy and attempts to play. It is in vain. His eyes close. He opens them looking at me.

"Mommy."

"Lane." I say spreading the blanket out then lying down next to Rollie.

He huffs. "Y'all making me hot. Get off me."

I get closer to him. "You take it."

"Where your man?"

"I hate you." I say hitting him. "You had to drag me?"

"You were acting bratty. You already know how it is. That's not the first time I dragged your ass somewhere."

I poke out my lip. "You make me sound crazy."

"Yo, you got this nigga on some other shit. You know that?"

"I know he love me."

Rollie shakes his head. "You that man last bit of sanity. I think if you leave him he gonna be like Michael Jackson in a few years."

"On drugs? He has his kids."

"Yo, I know he done aborted more babies than the abortion clinic. Those kids never had a chance if you weren't their mother."

I shrug. "I'm not going anywhere. That's all irrelevant."

"Good cause I think I like him."

"Really?" I smile. "That makes me happy inside."

He yawns. "I think about moving to LA a lot."

"I'll move to if you do. Trey would love that."

"Don't do much talking yet. I do like Atlanta."

I smile. "I'll just be spending more time at our LA house that's it. Nothing to tell."

"Okay."

"I'm going back to my youngest and hubby."

"You driving? You look tired."

"No, I'm calling the car." I say getting up. "Love you, Rollie."

He lies back with Lane on his chest. "Love you too, Baby."

[caroline18mars]

Into the night - Chapter 102

“Jared! No” Jordan rushed up to him, getting over her initial shock, and grabbed his fist before it could connect a second time with that bastard's face, it was the gentleness of her touch that lifted the veil of blood and adrenalin little by little. “Listen, you sick bastard, you put one finger on that little boy or her, and I swear I'll do everything within my power to destroy you! And that goes for all of you” he launched forward again but bumped into Jordan who jumped in front of him to prevent him from doing any more damage. Jerry jumped up again and started shoving Jordan out of the way to get to Jared but she pushed back with all of her might “Jerry, for fuck's sake! Will you just go away? You're not getting Noah, and that's final! I'm not dead yet, ok? So you can sue me for all I have but Noah stays with me, am I making myself clear?! So go ahead and sue me for custody but I swear I'll sue the hell out of you and them for neglect and child abuse” she turned and tried to push him back while she tried to hold Jared at a distance at the same time “Now please, do us all a favour and take that trailer trash family of yours and get the fuck off my property!” she growled at all of them but it was only when Shannon came walking up the driveway that Jerry realized he was being outnumbered. “Fine, you filthy little golddigger, we'll go but I swear you're dead!” he pushed forward one last time pointing his finger at her “You're  dead, it's only a matter of time” the crazy devilish snarl he said it with, had her heart kicking around in fright, but she refused to show it while they finally left the driveway. Jared took her hand from his chest and kissed it, not really knowing what to say, he was just as shook as she was, “don't listen to him, he's only trying to intimidate you” Shannon walked up to her, she didn't show it, but her body language betrayed how upset she really was. “I know..” she bravely nodded at him but within seconds she crumbled to bits when the adrenalin started wearing off, quickly pushing angry tears from her eyes. Jared instantly wanted to pull her against him but she gently pushed back and shook her head “Just give me a second” she tried to slow down her thumping heart. Jared came back down from his own adrenalin trip as well and stared at the envelop he was still holding, the reality of what had just happened was starting to sink in “I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch” his body was trembling with anger, realizing everything that had been said.  “No! No, you're not! We're not gonna give him the satisfaction!” Jordan put her hand against his chest before he could stomp after them, even though their car had just dissapeared around the corner, “what? Have you h.eard what he just said? I'm gonna make sure that son of a bitch won't ever repeat it again”. Jared stared at his brother and his lover, how on earth could they stay so calm, that fucker had just wished Jordan dead? “yes Jared I heard, trust me! But if you go over there now and beat him up, then he's gonna use that to his advantage and play the victim again and what chance does that give us in court? I don't want to lose Noah because you lost your temper because if you do beat the crap out of him then I don't just lose Noah but I lose you too and I won't survive” her voice went from high-pitched to soft and sad at the end. “She's right, Jared..” Shannon looked at his brother, how this girl could stay so calm in the eye of the terrible storm she was in, was beyond him but he had never felt more respect for her than right now. Jared took a deep breath, he knew they were right but he needed just that little squeeze of her hand to win him over, “Let's just go back home, and let's not tell Noah anything about all this, the only thing I want him worrying about is the melted icecream, ok?”

”Aunt Jordan!! did you get the icecream?” Noah and Victor, clearly fresh out of the pool, came running up to them, “oh Noah, I know everything is right with the world when you ask me about food” she grinned as she lifted the heavy bag of groceries out of the trunk of the car with a painful groan. Jared spun on his heels “Noah, if you want to have any icecream at all tonight, you'll get that bag from your aunt and carry it inside right now” not all of his anger and frustration had gone, that much was obvious. Noah meekly did as he was told and had all the trouble in the world to keep his balance under the weight of the grocery bag. “He's only 5, Jared, not a grown man” Jordan, who had noticed Jared's sudden stroppiness with the boy, whispered as Noah ran out of the kitchen again to get another bag, Jared stopped with what he was doing and turned around to face her, leaning against the kitchen counter “I know..” he sighed and pulled her in his arms “I just hate all that's happening, how much more of this insanity can we take?”. Jordan closed her eyes “I don't know, but what I do know is that we're all still here and that we're more family than I ever had”, her warm breath dancing against his chest, made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, he wanted to turn her around, lift her on top of the counter and take her on the spot  but Shannon and the boys running in with more bags sabotaged his evil plans. “Jared, look, I've carried this bag all the way from the car to here, on my own” Noah was looking for confirmation from his grown up friend that he was pulling his weight and that he was no longer upset with him. “You did? Shannon, is that true? You didn't help him?” he slowly let go of Jordan and gave Noah a surprised smile before he looked at his brother, “Nope, he did it all on his own, and so did Victor” Shannon played along. “Wow, I really am impressed” Jared picked the boy up “manners are important, remember that! Hold a door, pull a chair back, be respectful and some day some beautiful girl..” he started but Jordan quickly reminded him “or boy” with a raised eyebrow, “ok, some beautiful girl or handsome boy, will love you for it”. Noah wrapped his arms around Jared's neck and they just stood there for a few seconds in silence, wrapped up in their very own bubble of closeness and gratitude, “will you come swimming with us?” Noah mumbled against his hair. “Swimming? Now? But I really have to get a fire going for our barbecue, remember?” Jared rubbed the boy's back but before dissapointment could set in, Shannon saved the day “I'll do that, y'all go and get in that pool, alright?”

Nahla and Omar who sat by the pool enjoying the sun, heard a loud yell coming from behind them, followed by a big splash as they saw Jared followed by the kids jump into the water. “You know, Omar and I were just talking about how lucky you all are to have found each other, I mean look at Jared and Noah, they're so happy” Nahla said to Jordan who came walking out while Omar joined the boys in the pool with his other two kids. Jordan sat down on the pool chair next to her friend and stared at Jared and Noah's rough frolicking in the water “yeah” she whispered and nodded “it breaks my heart though knowing all we got is the 'limited edition'-version of happiness”. Nahla saw the sadness on her friend's face and sat up “Jordan, hey, come on, you'll get that new heart, you have to believe that”, Jordan didn't want to make her friend uncomfortable but she was in such need of an open and uncensored conversation instead of all this sugarcoating she had been doing “Noah's grandparents were right next door, they gave us a courtorder..they want custody over Noah..”. Nahla's mouth fell open in shock “oh no..was Jared there as well, what did he say?”, Jordan just nodded and gave a quick wave to Noah who was calling for her to look at one of the little stunts he was doing in the water and then softly continued “yeah he was there and he hit Noah's uncle Jerry..I'm scared, Nahla, I put on a brave face but I'm scared they're gonna take Noah away from me”. Nahla grabbed her hand “Hey, listen to me, they're not gonna win this, that judge will see what a good mother you are to Noah, he'll see how happy that boy is living here with you two, he's not gonna let him live with a family of alcoholics who hardly know him and neglect their own grandchild!” she said. “That would be the most logical thing, wouldn't it? But these days, I'm not sure of anything anymore..that family is gonna be the death of me, I swear, you should have seen Jerry, he kept on repeating 'You're dead' over and over again..it's just..” the horror of the moment washed over her again and choked her up. “I know it's easier said than done, but don't let him get to you..you're not gonna die and you're not gonna lose Noah, ok? Jared won't let that happen, he's probably got a battery of lawyers lined up already to fight them, I'm sure that if push comes to shove, Jared will marry you and then he can adopt Noah” Nahla blurted out making Jordan's head shoot up “What?”. Nahla shrugged and a wicked smiled curled around her beautiful dark skin, “oh come on, I'm sure the thought has crossed his mind a couple of times, he worships the ground you walk on, Jordan, I say it's high time you two got hitched”. Jordan couldn't believe what she was hearing “hitched? No, Nahla, I don't want to get married, not if it's for all the wrong reasons, you've been reading far too many Jane Austen books, besides Jared just isn't the marrying kind, he didn't even marry the love of his life so he's sure as hell not marrying me, trust me”. Nahla got up with a smirk, worrying Jordan even more “Nahla, is there something you know that I don't?” she grabbed Nahla's wrist but she shrugged again, “Nahla, this isn't funny, what did he say? Please tell me he isn't gonna pop the question”. Nahla saw the sudden panic in her friend's eyes and gave in “no, he's not, happy now? Not that I know of anyway, but stop selling yourself short, ok? You keep saying that Charlotte was the love of his life but that's not how I see it, listen, I meant what I said, I really believe that he's been playing around with the idea but he's just backing down because you keep reminding him of what he's lost and not of what he has..” she shook her head and gently pulled her hand out of Jordan's grip before she walked to the pool, leaving her friend shocked.

Jared walked out of the bathroom in nothing but a pair of pajama pants hugging his hips when he saw Jordan already curled up in bed, staring at the window lost in thought “You ok? You were pretty quiet tonight” he crawled in bed and nestled himself against her side, kissing her shoulder. “Was I? I was probably enjoying my food too much” she turned her head to look at him, “liar! I watched you and you didn't even try my mother's infamous potato salad” he smiled, leaving a trail of butterfly kisses around her shoulder. “Ok smartass, maybe I'm not that fond of potatoes” she grinned as his lips were  tickling her and moving up to her ear, “seriously though, what's got you so troubled?” his smile was dissapearing fast. “Nothing, it's just been an insanely long day..wait” she suddenly froze on the spot, staring at the ceiling for a few seconds and then back at him “do you hear that?” she whispered. Jared's head turned and he closed his eyes to hear what she seemed to be hearing “No, I don't hear anything” he whispered in the darkness, his heart sank just thinking that Jerry might have come back. “Exactly! Silence! Finally! Everyone's gone to sleep, it's just us, alone, here..in your bed..nobody to interrupt us” she turned to him, even in the darkness he could see her seductive smile, “interrupt us doing what?” his arm crept underneath her back. “Oh I don't know, we could do this” she pushed a kiss on his chest while her hand started massaging his lower abdomen, when she glanced up at him to see his reaction, she felt him take a deep breath and lick his lips. “Or maybe we could do this?” her hand started moving more southwards ever so slowly, “I like the way you think” he groaned in anticipation and before she well and truly realized it, he rolled her on top of him, his mouth claiming hers in a hungry kiss. She felt his big, strong hand push her down on the small of her back so she could feel his fierce arousal “Look what you're doing to me, can you feel that?” lust dripping from his voice as his teeth tugged at her bottomlip. “I can feel it, the question is: what are you gonna do with it?” her teeth raked against his chin while she squirmed on top of him. His hand landed on her butt with a firm smack, so firm he was sure to have left his mark on her, Jordan's breath got stuck in her throat and her eyes shot wide open as she stared right into his slightly worried ones, scared he had gone too far and hurt her. Jordan closed her eyes and then ever so slowly kissed his lips and his chin, working her way down, ever so slowly down his chest and abdomen, making sure she didn't leave a spot unkissed. His long, supple fingers ran through her hair, enjoying the feel of her warm, moist mouth on his body that had been left unloved for far too long, she took her time around his lower abdomen, doing everything to stay far away from his massive, rigid length that twitched a couple of times hungering for her attention. Minutes seemed to turn into a life long in the desert without water but then finally her fingers folded around his dick and ever so slowly her hand started moving up and down which brought him a little relief, but nothing could prepare him for the moment her tongue decided to join in and licked his shaft all the way from the base to the tip. He lifted his head a little to enjoy the view of what she was doing and their eyes met and while her hand kept massaging him she gave him a smouldering look and she licked her lips before she opened her mouth and took him in, sucking the tip like a lollypop without breaking eyecontact. “Oooohhh” he moaned and his elbows that were holding him up started shaking, the sound of her sucking him started to fill up the room and it was hard to focus on anything else than on the pure bliss she was already giving him and she had hardly just begun. Soon she gathered more courage and ventured a little lower down his shaft, coming up for a quick swirl of the tip again before she started it all over again, trying to cover as much ground as she could, sucking and licking and enjoying the feel of this monster in her mouth. Soon the tip started hitting the back of her throat and she really had to suppress a gagging reflex, his fingers curled up in her hair and stilled, waiting for her next move but not wanting to force her into anything she wasn't ready for doing. This wasn't going to work and she had to stop herself from panicking so she came back up for air and swallowed hard as their eyes made contact again. “Babe, it's ok, you don't have..” he started, watching her take a deep breath and before he could finish his sentence she was doing it again, and he could see himself dissapear again between her lips inch by inch. Soon the tip hit her throat again, his fingers balled up into a fist in her hair, this was simply unbearable, but then all of a sudden she pushed down a little further, she wanted to give him so much more than he ever expected. Jared's eyes shot open as he felt himself slide deeper inside that warm, delicious mouth of hers, this was amazing, this was where he needed to be. His elbows that weres still holding him up now started to shake again and with a loud groan he let himself sink back to the mattress and let her ride out the fury that she had started, moaning his approval and state of bliss with every move she made on him.

[editorialsonlife]

April

Well, April was a month!! It disappeared so quickly. And now its may, and I’m on another ridiculously turbulent flight down to Dunedin this time - first time ever going there! So I shall write a life update to distract myself in the interim.

I also ate best ugly bagels at the airport and got jam on my screen so it’s all sticky. Bad planning yo.

Oh April! We started off with three days up in auckland for work. Damn was I hanging out for those three days, in the peace and quiet of a hotel room, away from everyone and normal life and the office and dare I even say it, Dave. And it was lovely. The humidity was most definitely not! But it was great getting to be up there and hanging out with people and getting to know their jobs a bit better as well. I got a lot of stuff done and it was so good to just be able to walk out of the office and go home and not have to be anything to anyone and just journal and watch what I wanted to on Netflix and so much other good shit.

The downside was I got sick - boo. Got back to Wellington and a cranky boyfriend and oh my god this plane wants to kill us all. Jeepers.

I went to a first aid course the next day deaf in one ear, and by the time I got to work on Friday could hardly hear in either ear! Anyway, ear infections usually clear up quickly for me which is good because then it was HOLIDAY TIME!! and by holiday I mean road trip up north to Taupo and Rotorua and Auckland. Primarily for Auckland zoo and Kelly tarltons because let’s be real all Dave and I care about are cute fluffy animals. Except, then, on top of everything else arrives a chest and sinus infection. #allclass #gobigorgohome

Which actually turned out to not be such a disaster because it meant we actually slowed the f down, and didn’t try and cram a million things in and we didn’t feel bad about staying in bed til 9am every day and going to bed early. So we spent a lot of time in hot pools and just wandering slowly and I went on swings in every single city we went to. Man, swings are just so much fun! I seriously want a decent set in our back yard.

Taupo was lovely and we had such nice weather. I really like it as a laid-back country kinda vibe. Its a great place to mosey round and read some books and just relax. Quest was awesome too. Both of us were just so excited to have a big bathroom again!! Honestly, its so the little things in life that make you happy. We also had a washing machine and dryer as well which was fabulous!

We drove up to Auckland on the Monday and oh my god, so many roadworks. We hadn’t even made it to Auckland and both of us were just like, f living here ever (no offence aucklanders, but your traffic is shit and your city is so badly laid out). Auckland zoo was cool but OH MY GOD so many freaking rat???? Like, literally ever single enclosure had multiple rats in it!! It turned into spot the rat not the animals actually there. And proper big, 20 cm long body rats, not little field mice or anything. Groooosssss.

And then to make it the perfect storm of health things, I got my period on the drive up, LOL. poor Dave, he never gets laid on holiday. I don’t know we always manage it but we do. Crack up.

The hotel was good, the fact it had two bedrooms was awesome and we had a washing machine in our room as well?? Nailed the washing on this trip, honestly. I basically wore the same three things the whole time. #lazyas

We decided Waiheke was too far (lol, that’s how lazy we were) so we did Devonport instead which was lovely. And had a great playground with fab swings (a+ recommend if looking for swings in Auckland)

Omg this plane is rocking like a boat it’s the weirdest sensation.

We also went to Kelly tarltons where we bought Bruce, a massive soft toy shark!! He’s so amazing, he’s my new cuddle buddy at night, he’s almost as long as I am. Poor Steve has been demoted (Steve being the dugong Dave and I bought on our first ever trip overseas to Sydney). It was hilarious because we went on the morning that tropical cyclone cook was meant to hit Auckland and they were banging on about how terrible it was going to be for Auckland so everyone mass evacuated (sensible, because if our office up there is anything to go by, no one had emergency kits or would know how to get home if anything actually went wrong). So everyone is stocking up on groceries and water and food, and then there’s me and Dave wandering up Queen Street after going to a pharmacy for more drugs (Dave was sick too by now) and me with a giant soft toy shark. We got some odd looks man. It was great! We went back to the hotel and celebrated by watching finding Nemo waiting for the worst of the weather to pass. After that we went to town and played minigolf and got burgers for dinner. All in all it was a very us five year anniversary. Speaking of which, we had our five year anniversary WHAAAAAAAAATTTT where did those five years even go?!?! God I love that boy.

The next day we joined the rest of Auckland evacuating for easter weekend and it took 6 hours to get to Rotorua (usually 2.5). So stupid. Dave was definitely sick because at that point for the first time ever he actually slept in the car. Crazy. It was a really fun drive though Google maps took us on all these mental back roads that were flooded and had trees down and fun crazy stuff so I had a good time. We spent a night in rotovegas with my mental family which was lovely and my uncle finally gave me a prescription for antibiotics (cheers to having a doctor in the family). We went back to Taupo for another night and cruised on home.

It was all rather lovely, despite being so sick.

And then it’s been back to work and the busyness and the rest of life.

One of the best things about April was doing my best to deal with the small things for my mental health, which has been pretty shaky over the last 8 weeks. I knew that after my birthday I needed extra help because #life and not coping, and I found a fucking AMAZING naturopath who I just love so much. She’s been so helpful and supportive. I went to her originally for my anxiety and crazy overthinking and she does homeopathic stuff and whatever she gave me fixed it within a week. Well, fixed it as in it took away the total panic from the overthinking, not that the anxiety has gone away but the whole ‘sky is falling down feeling’s disappeared enough to allow some rational thought back in. I went back on Anzac Day (bless her, she came in for an appointment just for me because we couldn’t make a workday work) and was like, so you said responsibility like, 40 times the other week, let’s look at that, and now we’re working through my hating the system feeling, and dealing with all the suppression that came with working at shit old job and various other life situations.

One of the biggest things I’m struggling with right now is hating the system that society has designed. like, who the fuck ever thought it was a good idea to work 40 hours a week and create a world where people can’t achieve self fulfillment and why don’t we let people work to their natural strengths and why do you have to own a house to be an adult and all this other fucking nonsense. And how do you live a life of your terms but also somehow within the system and cultural norms as well because I don’t want to be an outsider but there’s so many things I don’t agree with and how are so many people ok with sneidng kids to school hungry each day and just, whyyyyyyyyyyy do we all exist and why have we created this inequity and inequality in life?! Like, I don’t get it and I don’t know how to live in it and I don’t know how you’re meant to bring kids up ok this and so many other things ya know.

So just like, not tackling the big issues or anything at all.

Actually, I was watching Moana on Saturday night and just bawling my eyes out because its so reflective of life - the world is telling you to be this and this and this and this and somehow you have to find the courage to be like, nah, fuck off mate, I’m Gunna go sail my ship far away from y'all and see what needs doing somewhere else.

So Sophie, god bless her soul, I absolutely love her, and she tells me I’m not crazy, and I’m not losing my shit, and that while there’s not necessarily an answer we can still deal with it and cope with feelings and also she’s been there and done that and that it will get better.

And I’m so, so grateful I’ve found her. I’m also grateful for all the ladies in my life who have put up with these brutally honest conversations in my life, and let me cry over lunch, and who are working through all their own things and still manage to hold space for me, and who create space for laughter and silliness as well. I’m so grateful for Dave who is willing to just ride the wave with me and go with it. That boy puts up with so much from me and just takes it and goes with it and doesn’t complain. Work has likewise been amazing. I told my boss I was losing my shit internally and I was going to be disappearing for a few hours each week to sort myself out and he was so upset with himself because he’d asked how everyone else was doing but he hadn’t asked me how I was. Even more so he was like, what can we do for you, do you need work from home days, do you need time in other offices, do you not want to travel, just let me know what you need and I will make it happen. Which was fucking lovely.

I also took a month of fitbit and stressing about my weight and I bought new clothes that make me feel good and it’s so much nicer than loathing yourself every single day and cramming yourself into something too small and pretending like it’s ok.

PRAISE BE JESUS WE HAVE FINALLY LANDED.

I apologise for all the typos, I’ll try and fix them at some point. That was a seriously bumpy flight. Amen for antianxiety pills that make it all ok.

Now I just have to turn around and do it all again in 10 hours time.

[mutualdarknessff-blog]

C9 - Possibility Of A Different World

Song: Too Much Too Late by Sabrina Claudio

Navaya

The cafeteria felt none of the same without a member of our group at the table, not here. It had been two weeks and even though I had Julius’ attention everything felt weird that the oldest vampire I knew was just gone. 

Especially when he had been walking this earth longer than I had been triple times over. Like I wasn’t born in time to get to understand him, or Trent to actually know someone of his family he just met. Staring at him from across the table he seemed content, like he had turned off his feelings for lunch. I know he hadn’t because this morning I could see how with each beginning of a new day he was still grieving. For now he had Dev’s closest and oldest best friends Micah and Allister watching over him. They had been somehow accepted into the academy a week ago. Really no surprise there since Jason had so many damn connections. If he could have us get away with burning down a damn apartment building, this was child’s play for him with the twins being students in our school now. Along with telling everyone that Dev just went away to another country with his arts or some shit. It was just a drag with everyone at the table witnessing the real reason Dev wasn’t here anymore except Julius. The weird thing about is all is that something in Mali changed. Only because she somehow I guess felt guilt for always bickering with Dev and now regretting it.

“I guess that’s why he always acted like an asshole, knowing he was going to die eventually.” She muttered to me that night after the execution. I didn’t respond or agree with her on anything. What was there to say really?

For now I just tried to focus on school to and that I had a final as my last class for today, then the weekend would follow. Julius asked days ago where my usual glow had been but not being able to tell him anything, I played it off telling him I didn’t feel well. After a while he just stopped asking and I was grateful for it. Especially when I knew he felt worse than I ever would with his disease in all. Jason still had his company to run so it wasn’t like he could linger on something he knew was coming too. It sucked so bad not really having anyone to talk to about it.

“We meeting up at the mansion after school right?” Trent asked getting a nod from all us as our lunch period came to a close. Julius even nodded that he would slide through. My last class went by in blur as I finished up my paper. I stood to my feet to hand over my paper at the front of the class when my legs went weak. Shit. Next thing I knew I was on my back having everyone hover over me in shock. Then it went dark. Visions of his face, Dev’s face haunted me in my faint state. He wasn’t grimacing like usual or even smiling, but it was more of a surprised face. Shirtless he stood in the darkness staring back at me, then raised a left hand with a small wave. Gasping I sat up in a bed realizing I was in the nurses office.

“Holy Shit!” I yelled in shocked breathing hard.

There was loud footsteps belonging to more than one person and then eyes were on me, “Dear are you alright?”

The frail looking woman in a white gown and glasses on the edge of her nose asked me. I noticed Mali standing there with her arms crossed over her chest staring at me bewildered.

“Mali what are you doing here?” I asked.

She blinked a few times dropping her arms down to her sides, “Well I am your ride home or you forgot?”

“Right, sorry I just need a minute and I’ll be ready to go.” I told them clearing my throat. Mali and the old woman still stood there as I swung my legs slowly on the edge of the small bed that was uncomfortable.

“Two minutes.” I nodded with a small smile at them. The nurse looked me over once more before departing but Mali still stood there.

“I’ll be out here, waiting.” She told me and then, also walked out the room. Once she was out of sight I closed my eyes taking the biggest breath I ever could. Hoping praying I wasn’t losing my mind. Sliding off the small nurses bed I turned and look out the window seeing it was way after school. Wondering how long had I been sleep as I let my eyes close.

Shaking my head I slowly opened my eyes whispering to myself, “Why am I dreaming about you Dev?”

***

Keeping silent eyes on me Mali acted like everything was fine and she wasn’t worried about me. I knew she was though no matter how many times I told her that I was. Trent already sent me a bunch of texts but I couldn’t tell him anything. He seemed to be taking his uncles death better than I was so, on that note he would just not know.

“You want to get some food, I’m starving.” Mali spoke up after getting off the highway en route to the estate.

“Sure, Taco Bell.” I agreed before she passed the restaurant. Ordering our food Mali pulled up to the drive through window, and I texted Trent back.

Me: I’m fine Tre, do you have your grandfathers number? (Fri, 4:55 PM)

Trent: he’s here at the mansion. (Fri, 4:56PM)

Placing my phone in my lap, I looked out the front window taking a deep swallow. Could it be that he knows about my visions of Dev. I gripped my phone tighter as we made it past the gates of Jason’s estate. Mali grabbed our bad of tacos while I exited the car, walking towards Jason’s garage door. Greeting us once we made it inside Trent gave me a hug quickly.

“You alright right?” He asked me. I nodded. Feeling a little weird, Mali and I followed him out into the kitchen. Daniel stood with a glass in his hand that had a shot of brown liquid in it.

“Mali, Navaya its good to see you again, "Daniel smiled looking like someone’s young husband and not grandfather, "How have y'all been?”

Mali scoffed, “You seriously asking us that?”

I sat down at the island in the kitchen, listening on as Mali said what I would but couldn’t.

“Mali please.” Trent sighed deeply.

“No Trent, let her say what she needs to say.” Daniel stopped him, Trent went and leaned against the kitchen counter with a grimace.

“For starters us having to watch a person die!” She yelled, “I mean yeah we didn’t get along and I couldn’t stand Dev, but he didn’t deserve to die like that.”

I swear Mali was on the verge of tears over a guy she hated and it was crazy. I never seen her get so emotional over a guy. Especially one she did not like at all. Jason walked into the kitchen looking at all of us with a raised eyebrow at Mali.

“Not even being able to get the chance to say sorry, or that he was a great uncle to Trent.” Mali sniffles as a tear came down her cheek. In that moment I was glad that I didn’t feel alone about Dev.

“Mali you’re not making the situation any easier.” Trent spoke up.

“Tre, don’t interrupt her again. Mali has every right for Dev to actually know how she feels even if she’s keeping it balled up.” Jason gritted at Trent. With a small scoff Trent didn’t say another word.

“Why do you mean for him to know how she feels?” I asked Jason. What was he saying really? Turning towards the hall that led out to the patio, there was suddenly a strong odor of marijuana. Everyone followed Jason’s gaze as someone’s footsteps sounded, and in he walked. With a spliff in between his pink lips, eyes a milk brown and freckles in the same place as they had always been. Holding that no bullshit smirk on his face he stared at Mali, with one eye squinted taking his blunt from his lips. Micah and Allister behind him as they walked to lean against the counter by Trent. Blowing smoke from his lips, Dev did a smile at everyone and nodded to Trent. In shock my mouth was held agape, wondering if I was suddenly having another one of my dreams of him.

“As sweet as your words were Mali, you are too much too fuckin’ late.” Dev mumbled taking a pull from his blunt. I stared down Dev while Trent whooshed around the kitchen to hug his uncle and cry in his arms. Mali shook her head walking out the kitchen with no words in return to him.

“Still an asshole.” Mali muttered lowly. Dev smiled and looked at me.

“I’m alright Tre.” He assured him still looking at me, more so like he was saying it to me too. I looked away to Daniel, for answers.

“We all saw what we saw, how?” I asked him. With a smile of gentleness Daniel nodded at me.

“Navaya come take a walk with me.” Daniel offered rising from his seat. Looking from him to Trent and Dev, they stared at me. Dev blowed more of his smoke through his nose that had a ring piercing going through it.

I followed Daniel outside to the patio, we walked out on the green courtyard as dusk came slowly. Daylight saving was starting to end in the Chicago area.

“You’re the reason Dev is alive Navaya.” Daniel spoke to me. I stopped walking staring at him. He stopped also crossing his arms over his chest.

“How?” I asked.

“His blood still lingers inside of you, he had a connection latched on to your life. It brought him back.” He told me.

“But I thought his blood been left my system.” I breathed looking down at myself and back up to him.

Daniel did a small chuckle, “Yes that is normally what is suppose to happen.”

“Am I not normal or something?” I asked, when in reality all this shit was not normal.

“You are perfectly normal as a human could be.” Daniel replied, “Your dark past, Dev related with it, he may not have told you but see you very strong. But with the extra blood balancing out with the fact with y'all being linked it wasn’t fatal for either of you.”

“Well, that explains him in my dreams.” I dryly chuckled.

“Dev is alive because he is special, with being a sacrificial Lewis-Lockwood blood relative.”

“How is he special, why is he the sacrificial member of the family?” I asked.

“I’ll let him tell you that, since you deserve to know. The light in you, is what Dev was able to hold on to and wake up though.” Daniel informed me, “Not freaked out are you?”

“No, I’ve seen some pretty crazy shit, this can’t be any more crazy.” I nodded while we began to walk back inside, “I honestly didn’t know that light still was inside me.” Dev stood against the wall watching Daniel and I. Daniel nodded at Dev and walked towards the kitchen. Rubbing my hands together I didn’t know what to say to him, but still he stood there staring at me.

“I guess now we are even.” He muttered looking away from me.

“I guess so.” I shrugged, “Now we can try to find a way to save Julius.”

Dev scoffed shaking his head, “Still gnawing at that fuckin’ bone huh?”

“What else is there for me to do, watching someone deteriorate five days a week at school.” I sighed, “Now it’s on full force since I know you’re alive and not dead.”

“You still have my blood inside you.” Dev told me. I felt warm suddenly.

“Yeah, Daniel let me know.” I sighed, “I was suppose to die from getting more than I should but I didn’t.” I rubbed a hand down my face.

“The dreams should stop now,” He informed, I stared at him bewildered not knowing he knew about that.

“Relax, it’s not like you wanted to dream of me right?” He smiled with a dark twinkle in his eyes.

“It was signs I didn’t understand.” I breathed, “Now I do.”

“Yeah.” He sighed, with a shrug looking down to the floor,“ Can get back to dreaming of Julius .” I ignored his comment painfully.

“I was talking to Daniel, How can you be more special than you already are?” I questioned him. He looked back up at me with a glare.

“I’m half vampire, half mind reader.” He confessed looking away. I was a little shocked, he also had to be a sacrifice for that very reason, “Can’t turn off vampirism, but can turn the mind reading shit off when I want.”

“Well when’s the last time-”

“I haven’t switched the shit on since 1935.” He stated simply, “Have enough shit in my head, I don’t need to hear other people’s problems. Damn he’s old.

"Oh.” I nodded, taking a relieving sigh that he hadn’t been reading my mind secretly.

“Some family I was born into huh?” He muttered with a grimace, “Consider yourself lucky for not having to deal with being alive for over a hundred years and knowing you have to be sacrificed for the next of your kin to survive.”

“You think you’re parents abandoning you is easier? Not knowing what cancer is, until it hits you right in the face?” I spoke, of my life, like it wasn’t my own. It scared me.

“I understand why you want to help Julius because of your past Navaya.” He huffed.

“Now you understand, can’t blame me now for holding stuff in. Is that why you’re so-”

“I am how I am because that’s how I am.” He shrugged.

“You love Trent.” I spoke the obvious. Dev nodded, “Enough to die for him.”

“Well then, I know you enough to know you have a heart.” I hoped he did, I wanted to believe in it.

“For over eighty years, I used to think always I was meant for was dying. But when I saw your light, it changed me.” He sighed, “I just want to thank you Navaya.”

“Thank you, Dev.” I swallowed hard looking him over. He’s a softy all along, go figure.

“Well, I’ve been talking to Daniel too, there might be a way to save this guy you’re so in love with.”

“Really?” I asked walking closer to him. He leaned up off the wall walking closer to me too.

“Yes, its the least I can do for what you did for me.” He shrugged, holding out a hand. It looked smooth as I looked at it. Dev watched me as I raised my hand to shake his, looking up into his brown eyes.

“Sounds good.” I smiled at him, always knowing he was good.

***

Mali

Remorse, regret all that shit was eating at me, and I felt so guilty. Rubbing my eyes from crying I went to go find Trent. Leaving out of Navayas room I passed Jason’s office as he was walking up the hall. Ignoring him I kept walking but he grabbed my arm.

“Wassup, wit you?” He asked getting in my face.

“Jason I just have a lot of shit to think about okay? I haven’t been home in like two weeks since Navaya was in hell over my parents.” I told him even though that wasn’t bothering me, I knew I could live with Trent until I wanted my own place. My mind was stuck on how I acted towards Dev, and Jason was not on my mind right now.

“Bullshit, you know I could just take off my chain and know what’s really up with you.” He threatened. I snatched my wrist out of his grasp stepping back from him.

I scoffed, “Do whatever you need to I don’t really care Jason, just back off okay?”

Without hearing his reply I went downstairs to try and continue finding Trent, going to the kitchen. Navaya was there looking through the fridge, I went and sat down loudly so she heard me. Turning around once she had a salad bowl in her hand she walked over to me.

“Hey, what happened earlier?” She asked placing the bowl down on the table.

“He’s alive, and I feel like I have another chance to actually be nice to Trent’s oldest family relative,” She confessed, “I just he, was never mean to me until when I dismissed him thinking he wanted my number.”

“Did he really?” Navaya asked.

“Nope, I didn’t.” Dev answered himself, walking into the kitchen shirtless with Trent, Micah and Allister behind. Looking him over I saw his mark over his heart where he got stabbed. It was a dark blue color and looked like it had a seal on it with writing. Briefly looking over his tattoos covering muscle I kept my eyes on my hands atop the table.

“What really happened Dev?” Vay asked.

One of the twins made a weird sound, “This should be a good story.”

“One of the guys I’m cool with at school, his name Damien Fletcher, quarterback of the football team.” Dev started shocking me. Dame was one of the most popular guys at school, all the girls wanted him but he was always single no one understood why.

“Oh, shit Mali was the girl you were supposed to talk to for him?” Trent asked surprised.

“He’s a shy dude when it comes to the ladies, and most of them he says just want to get with him cuz he popular or sum shit.” He continued.

“So he was like, Dev I need you to talk to this girl named Mali Mendes for me. Not thinking of it and trying to do sum nice for my nigga, I went ahead. Especially since I had been watching her for the sake of Trent and who he involved himself with.” I looked up at Navaya knowing Dev was about to lay it on thick, repeating every word of our first conversation.

Navaya gave me a confused look, listening on with everyone else.

“So I picked lunch time since I don’t have any classes with her, and she only sat with one other girl. Now mind you all my crew knew I was doing this for Dame and I was watching every move. I was the wingman and couldn’t fail, had the most confidence that I could put on. I approach the table to introduce myself to the girls and be as respectful as I could. The girl Mali was sitting with was already sucked in to the game, but not ol’ girl here.”

“Why you talking to me like you know me, "She says to me, "Those niggas over there always just trying to get a girl number so they can just fuck em and be done with them.”

“I was just like it’s not like that sweetie, I’m trying to ask you-”

“Sweetie? My name is Malikai, get it right!”

“She yelled in front of everyone making me seem like I was being the asshole.” Dev spoke with spite in his tone.

It was silent in the kitchen while I stayed looking at my hands, feeling Navaya squeeze my shoulder.

“So I told Dame she was a bitch, and from that day forward he went with someone else. And I call her by her whole name so I don’t forget.” He lowered his voice.

“You want me to say I’m sorry Angel, fine I’m sorry okay.” I scrunched my eyebrows at him and his soft glare on me.

“I don’t care about that shit no more, to be honest. Just came back from the dead about to have a pool party, y'all down?” He asked Navaya and I.

“Yeah people are about start pulling up now.” Micah told us.

“Sure, come on Mal let’s go get ready.” Navaya offered as they started to leave the kitchen. Trent stayed behind walking with us upstairs.

“Vay, Julius is coming.” He told her and she raised an eyebrow.

“Really?” She sounded a little more happy. It was time for me to put my feelings to the side that I was developing for Dev, and try and have a good time I hoped.

***

[butter-ff]

It's a Celebration...

Porter:

I woke up from the best sleep in a while and snuggled my comfy pillow to realize that it was Aubrey… my head popped up arm and leg thrown around him and he was sleeping so peacefully. This feels extremely too right. I had to pee so I started trying to figure out a way to get from under him without waking him. I gently took his arm that was protectively around my waist and pulled it off before moving a little too quick and instantly becoming nauseous. I rushed to the bathroom in time to throw up in the toilet before using the potty. I washed my hands and brushed my teeth. I was staring at my body, not even noticing that Aubs was in the doorway watching me.

“You’re gorgeous Porter!” I blushed a little and looked down.

He walked further into my bathroom putting his hands on either side of the sink and pressing against me. Looking at me through the mirror.

“I love every little thing about you, and I’m really loving every subtle change baby Graham is making to this already bomb ass body you got baby girl!” He kissed my neck before trying to bite it, and I giggled.

“Thanks for coming last night.” I said through giggles.

“I may not technically be your man right now… but just like my heart belongs to you, you gotta trust me to always protect and take care of yours too!” He said placing one hand on my tender chest and the other on my stomach before turning me around to face him.

God this man is so perfect for me…

“You sleep with her?” I asked quietly.

“No” was his short response.

“Do you want to?” Came out next.

“P we’re not together, you chose this and I respect it. So honestly what I do or don’t do with another woman should ’t be an issue.” He’s right but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to know.

I was at a loss for words so I did what I can’t seem to control lately and started to cry.

“Porter no…” he begged wiping tears.

“I’m sorry I can’t control it half the time! It's really not you I swear.” I said through tears.

“Baby look at me.” He said pulling my chin up to look at him.

“What?” I asked sniffling.

“Get your shit together woman!!! Naw I’m playing. She’s not you. She might fill a void sometimes when I just want a woman around but the only woman I want to be up under and inside of is you. The only woman that makes me crazy is you. The only woman I want to give me a basketball team worth of babies is you. The only woman I will let break up with me for some odd shit and disappear for three damn months in another part of the world is you. And the absolute only woman I will cry like a little bitch over is you! I ain’t had sex in a long time baby!” He finished as I stared up at him, hands on his waist loving the feel of his warm skin.

“Good to know!” I leaned up on tiptoe and pecked his lips before kissing down his body and sucking on my favorite thing to tell my man thank you for the wait…

1 month and 2 weeks Later…

I’m putting the last touches on this get together. I am now actually sixteen weeks pregnant, and we know the sex of the baby or should I say Celeste does but we have two names either way. It’s been a little hard keeping the pregnancy from everyone this long, but with the right clothes you can conceal the pudge. The Studio and shop has been open for a month and is doing really well. Aubrey is amazing which is no surprise. There have been nights when I would just pop up at his house and he would rub my belly, or my feet, or his favorite my breasts. He constantly tells me how beautiful I am. He’ll come over and cook… that’s right he will kick my mom out the kitchen and cook for us as well as clean up after. He reads and attempts to sing to the baby, and his favorite thing to do is take a nap on my belly. He says it’s unfair that I get all the natural bonding time, and that I need to share the belly! Celeste had me in my office under threat as she and Drew along with Mark and Noah did whatever my mom said as they transformed my gallery and show room into a dinner/gender reveal. My mentor, who is another photographer took some maternity pictures for us to go along with my reveal. I invited her and her family to come as well tonight. I think that all in all it will be a good twenty people here. Aubrey’s dad is flying into town for it. But no one knows what it’s really for we told them that it was a celebration for the success of my business in such a short time. I went through a few shoots and sent them to their respective destinations, before responding to emails before Aubrey called.

On Phone: Me: Hey Aubs what’s up!? Aub: I was just thinking about you and my baby, y'all good?

I smiled, he does this a lot.

Me: yes daddy we are fine, uncle Mark and Goddad Noah, and Aunty Celeste won’t let mommy do anything. Aub: Baby Graham tell mom dukes to sit at her desk and look pretty cause Glam Ma Pier can handle the squad.

I giggled at his silliness as I had put the phone on speaker and near my belly.

Me: ok daddy we get it! Aub: I love you my little person and you too babygirl! Me: we love you too Aubs!

End Convo…

I shook my head laughing to look up and see Celeste and my mother in the door.

“Stop playing and make that man your husband child!” My mother said eyeing me as Celeste snickered.

“Girl because what we just witnessed was oh my goodness cute!” Celeste said causing me to laugh.

“What do y'all need?” I asked.

“To get you changed into your first outfit, it’s almost time.” I nodded getting up and rubbing my belly.

“It’s time for the world to know about you baby!” I said to my little angel. Tonight everyone would find out that we’re expecting, what he or she is, and the name!

I got dressed which took a little and sat while I got my hair and make up done. Tonight should be perfect.

Aubrey:

I drove to the Pier after picking up my mother. Jaya has been blowing me up all night wanting to hang out. But I told her I have something very important and special to me happening tonight and we can chill another time. She’s in her feelings. But she’s not my woman just my friend who I know wants more, but I’m past the days of multiple women. I like Jaya as a friend she’s beautiful and Amazing. But my heart will always belong to the mother of my child.

“I think it’s so nice that Porter invited me!” My mother spoke as we neared The Pier.

“She loves you Mom, just because we’re not together right now doesn’t affect her admiration for the phenomenal woman that created me!” I spoke and was rewarded with a smile.

We pulled up and I helped my mother out and inside once I parked in the back parking lot. We entered and were handed glasses of wine. Porter’s glasses were filled with apple juice which she has had very strong cravings of. The guest list tonight consisted of my guys and their girls. My parents, P’s mom and Grams, E and Ant, Remy, Steez and Bam, Julian and Celeste who have been together for a month, Court and her new guyfriend, and Ants parents along with Porters mentor and her family. My uncle, and Sarah Beth. We walked over to P who was talking to E and Jess.

“Hello Porter thanks for inviting me, and congratulations you deserve so much success!” My mother spoke and Porter smiled hugging and thanking her.

She looked at me trying to figure out what I was gonna do. I pulled her into a bear hug and pecked her lips. I was nibbling on them which caused her to laugh and push me away.

“Best behavior sir!” I mock saluted and walked with my mother to seat her at the table.

We all sat and Porter stood in her flowy black dress that did a good job of concealing the belly, but my girls would not be concealed… I love messaging the titties.

“Thank you all for coming, the success of The Pier is still so surreal to me. When I came here I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and now I can’t imagine doing anything else surrounded by any other people. You all are the best support system a girl can have!” Everyone said cheers and we dug in.

The food was delicious and we talked and joked. The women commented on Porters happy glow they called it. We finished dinner and Porter stood again.

“I have set up a special presentation of pictures in my Gallery for you all to view. The rules are that you must look at each picture in order until you get to the very end.” Everyone obliged as they began to walk through the gallery. It’s a square room with pictures set up and there is electronics for curation. Porter and I could be heard telling the story of our relationship up to the baby. We stood back watching everyone as they looked at the pictures and listened before getting to the very last one and realizing what they were really here for. Her mother still cried even though she already knew. Her Grams and my mother hugged crying as well. We got a lot off congratulations when people finished and Steez put me in a headlock!

“Ok everyone! Hello if you don’t know me I am Celeste the beautiful and talented Porter Piers assistant! She and Aubrey trusted me with the sex of their baby. So you two have to stay facing that way. I will display the sonogram on the screen so everyone else can see, Aubrey will be popping this bottle which will spew out the color of the sex… that is why there is tarp down!”

We all nodded and I’m excited. Celeste handed me the bottle and I heard cheers as the picture displayed behind us and people celebrated. Porter squeezed my arm as I popped the bottle and blue spewed out. Porter was in tears as I picked her up squeezing her to me. She had snuck off and changed so that her bump was now visible. I kissed her neck putting her down and wiping her tears.

“You’re giving me a son!” I said feeling on a high!

“What’s his name?” Erin asked excitedly.

Porter and I looked at each other before she started.

“Emilio for my dad!” She teared up along with her mother and Grams.

“Steven for my favorite uncle!” My uncle and mother hugged.

“Graham!!” We finished together. Rewarded with a collective aww.

“There is one last thing!” Porter stated as I wiped her eyes. Drew came with a pillow that had gold engraved keys on top. She gave one to Noah, Steez, Bam, Erin, Julian, and Celeste.

On each key it read, you are an essential key to the success of my parents, will you be my godmother/godfather!

They all read it and smiled with varying reactions as they came to hug us and say yes. The rest of the night we talked and danced, and celebrated the birth of Baby Graham. And later P came to my crib and we snuggled up in bed as I read a bedtime story to my son and ate his mom to sleep. Champagnepapi: Baby Graham on the way! I hope he looks just like mom dukes with finess like his dad 👀💙👶🏽...

Again unedited sorry but I hope y'all like it 😁 leave me love!!❤️️

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Y'all in the village that have seen me recently

I apologize, y'all will just have to bless this sweet darling heart

My eyes have become super sensitive to the sun and I have to wear sunglasses (i got $250 worth of contacts with my stimulus check -- 12 boxes including one free sample due to the brand i purchased being discontinued suddenly and my prescription being out of stock - contact lens.com, i highly recommend. I did send inal a photo of my valid prescription) Usually I'm extremely picky and don't buy the lightly tinted lenses. But Wal-Mart had them on sale and usually that's all they sell. Usually i get mine from eBay and spend hours if not days searching for them cute and dark, zooming in the photos to see how the tint is reflected, refracted and if i can see through it. Usually sunglasses are very honestly shown for some reason.

Anyway so these are so thin I forget I am wearing them!

So, I'm all parading in Wal-Mart in purple sunglasses and all in the drive thru like an I don't care diva!

I don't know the origin, yet. Or where it came from... If it was just an agreed upon practice by international law or if it's just me. Idk.

But i think its rude to hide your eyes when speaking to someone. Like its not something conscious. I didn't sit around deciding it was a pet peeve or some law, but when i was a waitress tossing pizzas out the drive through pick up line or just a casual shopper -- people in sunglasses and not lifting them or removing them always bugged at me and irked me suspicious.

So I've been all parading around completely unaware because I've had to wear regular prescription clear lenses for so long that I'm used to the weight of glasses, especially in public because that's the only time I wore them. They just became part of me

And the tint is just see through light -- like the same color of my regular daytime light in my bedroom that every one says is dark. And a light bulb does illuminate. I'm very vampire dungeon darkness.

So I just wanted to apologize that i been all looking like Miss Princess don't care.

I always refused to buy light lenses because i thought they didn't work or weren't worth it. The sun here is so strong. But they do definitely help and are so comfortable i don't know they're in place.

So I care but my eyes hurt a lot. And the contacts kind of made it worse. Like when I take my non insulin diabetic shot, after 10 to 20 minutes I can feel it go into the back of my eyeballs and it feels so good!!

Its not a super pain or uncomfortable and its more when I don't sleep or am upset. I guess my pupils dilate weird

Which my eye doctor before the last, I was on Percocet and well the same 13 prescriptions as well as a few more for pain and so on. And he told me to be cautious as my pupils don't dilate proper due to "being so heavily drugged"

So who knows. I just try to avoid light.

And these sunglasses help and I don't know I'm wearing them. So I'm not hiding behind a mask and cute tinted sun glasses. I'm just protecting my eyes and preventing pain.

Like i say. The pain is from the brain to indicate a problem. So there's a problem Idk how to diagnose and verify or solve. So.

Its not intense just pressure and an auto response to avoid light. Like my kid turns on the lightbulb and I'm all its so fucking bright!!!! Although now the florescent burnt out thank God because that gave me migraines. And I got an LED. But the choices ar the dollar tree were limited to be 60 watt equivalent when I prefer a 40 watt or 30 even.

So I notice the intensity in my eyeballs changing in response to the light

When we lived in Alabama and we were about to move to NYC and my parents had always said Florida would be our next stop.

And i developed an allergy to the sun. A real allergy to the sun. It's a rare condition. My skin would marblize a red color and I would begin to feel faint and/or throw up if I was in direct sun.

It was right after Denise had become Zulululu.

And so I still have remenents of the non contagious disease. Although I was kept from school for 6 weeks... Like my legs if get hot then they get itchy and the sun irritates my eyeballs.

So I always buy sunglasses but I don't always wear them but have them available.

My daughter has the blue light blocker AND the progressive lens so that in the sun they turn to a light see through sun glasses. Zinnie.com I think I spelled it wrong m allong with a basic pair of clear glasses with a anti reflective coat for like $5 I paid about $70 for both. Never had any problems with Zinnie and even leaving them in a hot car was no problems. But a pair from firmoo I paid extra for the anti reflective coat and the lens coating melted in the car. So I'll never ever buy from them unless its a keep in the house pair. Wearing contacts and losing one on the beginning of a road trip where i was expected to drive -- it fell out my eye and ripped - it was old. And I didn't know or think about it and i had no back ups!! So i had to suffer the whole week. Migraines and all.

So in my luggage I keep a pair of contacts or glasses even when it's in storage. I keep a pair of glasses in my car in case of emergency. And firmoo completely failed me.

I've bought half a dozen or so from Zinnie. I call it Zin-knee-uh although it's probably just Zin-knee.

And noooo problems. Even with the advanced lenses which do work and are great.

Because I wear contacts, I don't want to invest in a good pair of glasses but my daughter solely wears glasses so I find it important to protect her eyes.

I get the anti-reflective coating -- the mid level due to at night lights. Without corrective lenses, lights look like Ferris wheels.

I literally can't see shit but 6 feet in front of me. I guess other people are not much different so. Like can y'all see a person 100 yards away? Like no? Right? I can see shadows and shit but I can't recognize people with my eyeballs until they're all up on me.

My uncle always says I'm gonna need a scope to shoot at night. -.-

I'm not quite Mr Magoo but I'm lucky as he is. Thankfully. (He's a cartoon, check him out. He's in YouTube)

And so my drastic apology for blatantly running around in sunglasses all rude and shit. Is done.

Also, while I'm talking about companies -- avoid PANTENE FOR COLOR TREATED HAIR. It strips rhe color out and is complete crap and the worst ever.

Herbal Essence and Loreal Elive are both fantastic to keep color treatments in.

I thought it was just our hair but ive been using PANTENE and my kid Herbal Essence and I see the difference.

Also I like my hair curly. And lantern curly didn't do shit. But Herbal Essence Twisted always has worked great. Not my personal favorite scent but tolerable.

Y'all what i need is a curly and color treated hair shampoo and conditioner at an affordable price. I've searched African American products and haven't found any with those labels. So Idk.

My scalp and hair is ultra dry due to scalp psoriasis and i can go a total 3 months of no washing without looking oily.

So i love African American products and buy them proudly in secret for myself! But i notice their bottles are smaller and more costly.

Except i found a leave in oil for only $3 which i use when i don't dye.

Foreign oils can strip hair color quite well as well as dandruff shampoo.

So I'm always cautious about leave in oils and lotions.

But PANTENE is a FAILURE.

Its my main switch. I use herbal essence and PANTENE and Loreal. Its a fact using the same conditioner and shampoo leaves a certain coating on the hair to cause it to be limp and flat and dull.

So it's always been recommended to use a clarifying shampoo and conditioner for a week then go back to the reg.

The same effect or nearly the same effecf is done by switching brands. So that's what I do.

PANTENE is now out of the equation.

Tio Nacho is a fantastic shampoo and conditioner. My daughter's hair was always unruly. Curly and just wild no matter what. And tio nacho is the only brand,to tame her to look like a human and not a wild lion. But I haven't found color protecting and it's $8 for only 12 ounces and so I find that expensive.

I buy the huge 27 ounces for $7. So.

But I would buy it for her. It helped calm the oily and wild mane.

My friend brushed her hair once and she was so surprised m she said that was like warm butter, lol. Because she always had wild corkscrew curls and some random straight ones she looked a wreck 24/7.

Truly I didn't mind I knew the truth. But tio Nacho has some miracle up in it. Swear.

PANTENE doesn't even have ordinary skills it claims to have m

So we may put Aussie in our loopm we use Tressemme when the cash flow is low.

I used to do live advertising and did the 3 minute Aussie miracle conditioner and that was always nice. The formula changed and it's not as wonderful as it used to be but its average. So i haven't had them in our loop.

Dove we don't like. Hers gets oily and crazy and i don't like the oil stimulation it causes. Idk maybe it's good but ... It makes me feel ick. Which is sad because I really wanted Dove to work.

PANTENE was my first "luxury" shampoo and conditioner i bought myself because i was raised on V05 and if I was lucky and Denise was nice, Suave. She literally bought the cheapest. And never bought extra conditioner and So i had to ration it. So my first self purchase on my own was PANTENE. But it is now a failure. -.- and lives are ruined and especially hair dos.

So now i used to buy my ex V05 ha!

And i have an emergency bottle of Tressemme 32 ounce under my bed for color treated. Conditioner.

We buy conditioner 4x more than shampoo. Because we coat it all --scalp to ends -- brush it. Then i rinse the heavy coat i soaked in while watching tv and smoking then I give it a light coat on the ends again and rinse.

Shampoo we just use one handful and not two or three and it foams up and so we don't need as much.

Like i use 2 - 3 pumps on my scalp of shampoo then one maybe two on the ends. The scalp i scrub the ends I rub.

Like now i have to dye again so I'll use a dandruff shampoo and I'll end up scrubbing all of my hair and use like 1/4 a 12 oz bottle. To get any deposits and leftover film and so on off all the hairs so they absorb the dye better. Then no conditioner. Or a light coat to detanglr and comb and rinse quickly without a deep soak. Then sometimes i gently apply shampoo again without a good scrub. Just run it through to remove the conditioner. But not to allow tangles.

Im not an expert or anything but hair care is serious around here and Idk why PANTENE is trying to destroy mine and succeeding.

I spend $50 every 2 months on just hair. For two.

One girl with a Mohawk and my long to the waist hair.

Two sides of her head are shaved every 6 weeks and she gets the same bottles as i do and then she's all "i need more" 0.o. Honestly she washes hers more often than i do.

We have our own buckets of shampoo and conditioner. Nathaniel either uses it or poisones it so we have our own large Easter buckets. And we store our towels in my room too. Then we have a 3rd bucket in case i buy in advance or like now give up on a bottle we were trying out. Save it. For days of emergency. Running out or so on

But we do borrow from each other if one or the other is low we take from each other to use.

We have different body soaps and different hair needs sometimes. Like i want curly and she's all nah. Or she has Tio Nacho.

We come from a 3 bathroom house so we're used to having our own product. Let me say it that way. But we always are good about sharing if necessary.

But she actually has more demands for bath stuff than I. So like her loofah and her body wash and all that isn't used by me and she knows its only all her Because I have my own bucket.

I cater to my kid. I Like it seperate too because her stuff is more expensive. $7 body wash and mine is $3 if i buy it. Otherwise i use shampoo. I do have hair in my armpits after all. And so i see hers and im all hmmm let me try this and yeah... "Idk how i used half a bottle in one bath" so it is more expensive!! So

While I'm buying 2x the shampoo and conditioner to supply 2 buckets -- in fact i am not spending more. If we shared the bottles as a person would expect, then we would go through them faster.

2 people in one bottle

Vs 2 people in 2 bottles.

So I have to purchase less often than if we shared but I have to purchase more bottles.

So in reality i pay the same price but the schedule and cost load is different.

Like if im out of conditioner, i know she will be at some point so i buy two bottles. And it waits until she needs it. Unless i need shampoo, too.

Then if she if she needs the shampoos then we buy all over again.

The cycle of life told in shampoo and conditioner.

[raoulbathletics-blog]

Rubbermaid Weights, Goku, and a 7 year-4 year Degree

I have always loved fitness; well I have always loved lifting weights.  Fitness involves much more than lifting weights like running. I’ll be honest, I can not stand running, it sucks.  I have a “rep the weights faster” as a cardiovascular ideology. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on runners or endurance athletes.  I actually envy y'all (I’m from the south, I say y'all, don't expect it to change).  With that being said, yes I do admire your capacity for long duration cardio endurance but I also believe a “Man” shouldn’t weigh less than 185 pounds or be beardless. Thats another blog later on. 

As long as I remember I was into pumping iron. When I was a kid I idolized figures such as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, The Rock, The Incredible Hulk, and Goku.  Yes, I know the last two or cartoon characters, but a lot can be learned from Goku’s dedication and commitment to training and nutrition.  If you didn't get hyped AF and start beating the shit out of your bedroom walls when Kakarot went Super Saiyan you aren’t even human.  I’m a nerd, so what, I can bench press a Fiat.  Anyways back to my childhood and lifting weights.  To this day I can still remember my first weight set.  It was this tiny little bench with a “barbell” that was the diameter of a broomstick and the weights were these plastic case container like things that were filled with concrete or sand. Pretty much what I had was a weight set made by Rubbermaid. There was even a cap you could unscrew on each one where you could let a little sand out or add some. I loved that damn weight set, I thought it was awesome, but hey I was 9 years old and I was about to be like Arnold (growing up all my friends wanted to “Be like Mike”, I wanted to be the Terminator).  Something about lifting weights and growing muscle has always intrigued me.  I believe my Dad had a part in my fascination with working out.  My dad has always been built, maybe not as aesthetic or as big as my celebrity and cartoon idols but compared to my friend’s fathers and anyone that I personally known my dad was, still is, swole.  My dad was the one to show me what a bench press, bicep curl, and lat pull down were.  Let’s just say he paved the way for me. Now my father showed me the in and outs of the weight room, but my perception of pure brute strength came from my mother and the rest of the Boughtons.  Those Boughtons let me tell ya.  Have you heard of the term “Construction Strong”? Well if you looked up that term in the dictionary, there would be a picture of the Boughton Family.  Now I have never seen my uncle touch a dumbbell but he could pick up an 80 pound sack of concrete in each hand and scale a ladder at the same time, the crazy thing is my mom would be right behind him with another sack a concrete.  You’d think we were a family of vikings, if it weren't  for most of us being vertically challenged and that one tan skinned kid aka me.  The Boughtons are just a solid group of individuals with a tenacity for work, not desk jockeying work, but physical manual labor in the elements of nature type of work. To this day, my 72 year old grandmother still mows 1 acre of grass with a push mower.  The damn thing isn't even self propelled. That’s what I call Functional Fitness; yeah cool “Fran” time bro but can you mix concrete with a shovel and wheel barrow, frame a house or build an award winning Mardi Gras float in less than a week.  I think not. Again being able to lift weights and not call a “professional” to change your light bulb is another blog topic for a later date. I owe a lot to my family and my upbringing for my love of working out. The patriarch of the Boughtons, my grandfather, is who I received my first protein shake.  Now I’m not talking about the delicious whey protein shake you and I are accustomed to today. I’m talking old school; glass of whole milk, 4 raw eggs, and a tsp of vanilla extract-protein shake (needless to say this was my first and last “old school” protein shake). 

I was 15 when Hurricane Katrina hit the Mississippi Gulf Coast (if you are not familiar with this area, the location I am talking about is “The Landmass” between New Orleans and Alabama). Everything was destroyed and we didn't have school for months, so there wasn't anything to do besides to either work out and/or make a little pocket change gutting houses and cleaning debris. Let me tell you, tearing down soaking wet, moldy drywall got old quick. There was a few of us that really got into working out at this time; one of which really got into it, stuck with it and he now has his IFBB Pro Card.  Ready for this, the dude is a VEGAN... Which is not totally unheard of these days.  To compete in the world of bodybuilding it’s 90 percent diet, I don’t care what you say, it is.  So when your food intake is all veggies and you are committed to pumping iron, yeah you are going to be shredded.  

So we all hit the weights pretty hard from sophomore to senior year of high school.  You know you're doing something right when your classmates all claim that you're on roids.  “Nah’ bruh, blame it on genetics, two a days at the gym, copious amounts of grilled chicken breast and the occasional case of Keystone Light. (what, I was carb loading).  I played football in high school a couple of times but I kept getting injured in the weight room due to poor programming and improper coaching on weightlifting technique from my “all knowledgeable coaches”.  I got stronger outside of the football weight room by going to other gyms and doing research on my own.  This is one of the reasons I later finally chose a career path that I’m in now.  

Then came college. I know you’ve heard of “Gaining that Freshman 50″. Well I took it up a notch and gained a whopping 70 pounds after high school.  I was what you called a career student.  I took advantage of everything college had to offer, except the academic part. I didn't hit the books hard until my 3rd freshman year and finally chose a major and stuck with it.  Prior to this I hopped around from engineering, only because my friend was doing it (the same one that is a vegan body builder but I quickly realized that my math capacity was limited to counting by 45′s) to pre law (but at this time I turned 21 and there was no need to use my fake ID anymore), to finally figuring why don't I do something relevant to what I love, Working out.  At this point I was 4 years into a relationship with my now wife and most of her family are educators and coaches.  I stated earlier how often got hurt often in the high school weight room and I wasn’t the only one.  I also had only like 2 influential teachers  in my high school career, (thank you Sheila and Monty G).  So I decided to go into coaching with an emphasis on strength and conditioning with a minor and history.  For people that don't know, if you plan to coach a high school team you'll have to teach a class too.  So I chose another topic that I really like, History, (there’s no way in hell I’m teaching math unless its only kilo to pound conversions or counting plates on a barbell).  I felt like I needed to be in the classroom and in the weight room to positively motivate and inspire kids.  After a 7 year stint in college and over $40k in student loans, I finally received that 4 year degree everyone rant and raves about. Another blog for another time. 

With that being said, I fuel planes to pay the bills.  Remember how I said my now In Laws are teachers. Well they also tell me stories of the job.  It’s not the kids that have deterred me from the job, it’s the parents.  I honestly don’t wont to deal with y'all all knowing, ignorant, neglectful, pig headed, selfish A-Holes.  Now I know not all of you parents are like this but there’s a select few that I really don't have the time or patience for.  I give props and thanks to all teachers out there.  You are a group of people that are underpaid and under appreciated for what y'all do and put up with.  

After 4 years and counting in the aviation industry, mortgage doesn't pay itself,  I finally had the opportunity to  live the American Dream.  I am now an entrepreneur that owns his own business, Rah’s Gym in Bay St. Louis, Ms.  I could have easily pursued my dream in an easier way and be a personal trainer at someone else’s gym.  Do you see the problem with that last sentence?  I’ll break it down for you. In order to truly succeed the route should never be easy.  I think there’s a difference between being a personal trainer and strength coach. Lastly, being at “someone’s else’s gym” didn’t sit well with me.  Especially since there weren’t any “gym’s” near me.  Yes, there were health clubs, and fitness centers, and judgement free zones with pizza parties, but there were no gyms.  So with the determination to finally get my Freshman 70 off, oh yeah it’s still there, and an increased limit on my card I opened my own gym.  A real gym.  I have no air conditioning, no smith machines, and a bunch of free weights.  When people ask where my cardio section is, I simply point to the one elliptical and to the road on side of the gym and say “There’s no better cardio than feet to pavement.”  

Rah’s Gym has been open for 8 month’s now and business is good for being the niche, non commercial, mainstream gym that it is.  I’ve learned a lot so far; not just about running a business but about the field that I love.  You know there’s so much more to working out besides heavy singles and curls for the girls.  I know right, who would have thought.  I house all types of athletes at the gym; Functional Fitters, aka crossfitters that don't like to be sued, Body Builders, Power lifters, Mixed Martial Artists, and even Triathletes. 

It’s an exciting time to be in the fitness industry.  People are finally giving a shit about their health and quality of life, and I want to be a part of it. I plan on losing my Freshman 70, are you. 

Lift heavy, run efficiently, and rest often.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

So Kim Jong-Un was laughing at me making a movie with free labor...

I said "man you're right, i need these in America to talk to North Korea"

So y'all were kidnapped and so I said y'all can make a movie before you get to leave where you have been held hostage.

And no pay no promise to be paid

For a Disney Pixar animated film that will be a box office hit using your facial images.

So. Uhm that was really unethical. Which means bad.

So we will pay y'all of course to use your likeness. We just didn't have time and we got all your DNA when we recorded you.

Except for Truth or Consequences which i think the Mayor at least had a sign in sheet...

So we have it so there's an ability to be paid if we use your likeness (face)

And i have no idea what that price is because I've never been paid.

I was just trying to keep everything calm cause they wanted to show you how the guns and all looked which in hindsight would been better to park it facing away from people and the casino and allow you to walk around safely at your choice.

But i saw them go out and so i was like holy shit they're gonna get scared! Don't get scared!! No one is gonna shoot you all like crazy to kill you.

Then I remembered the movie we started in 2008. And that went on

For me it was super fast paced watching 3 different locations with only my 3rd eye and the movie (fun) and just trying to keep everyone alive and safe and in a good comfortable level.

And trying not to cry i haven't slept in over a day So ... My soulmate nearly died a few people did as i watched plane crashes. I mean it was a lot

So please forgive me for overlooking a few things and thanks for making the day fun for your selves and your rescuers and for me.

Keeping me from crying my eyes out because someone did this on purpose. Knowing the unfortunate satellite system and knowing and allowing people to fuck with my car any time. And preventing me from Christmas with my family which would moved the void to make New Mexico safe.

I've dealt with it. My brother and my kids and my mom and dad and Uncles and Cousins and a whole fucking Army is coming down.

..... I'll be blunt that not everyone deserves so fair warning.

And I am going 125 miles south. So suck a Dick about it, IDC. As a reminder since i got shot in the fucking head way too many goddam times tonight. Because I take the pain of people shot point blank whether or not its my fault or anyone's but most especially when its a family member and its someone innocent. That way i know to heal them. But i got shot too many times and i had other business that was extremely serious that i won't mention. So I am warning everyone right now afraid of a sonic blast I'm not playing. So don't fuck with my people again.

Continue returning people. Dont fucking run your mouth at me and dont fucking bring your attitude

And excuse your ass but I am on my period. So be extremely terrified of my PMS if you can't understand why I'm angry now.

We didn't do a GODDAM thing to you and you started crashing planes into us. What the fuck. You started killing people in Tucumcari.

You started kidnapling.

You wanna explain to me who. I will explain its been shot in the fucking face with a fucking bullet. So if you know its time to be quiet and dont say shit. Then it was sandbagged by my son.

So I dont need to hear your shit.

I need you to return the people to a 24 hour restaurant before i burn you all Alive.

We know how to get out our house in 5 seconds flat with air conditioners in the window. Do you know how to get out of yours?

Its simple to,understand it doesn't need to come down to that.

If you fuckers were not taking up I40 with your bull shit giving children loaded guns to shoot people point blank and not unloading them because a liar mass text you and signed my name. Well it's ok i guess i found a lot of people. And we are getting a lot of matches on DNA now. Because people didn't go to the airport as asked.

I'm in a bad mood. So I'm gonna be blunt. I always am. And im almost always honest. And i am as honest as possible 100% of the time.

Unfortunately its not nice.

The world will get better. It will just take some time.

I can't even drive my car now Because it almost fucking exploded due to pieces of shit fucking with it. After Jesse's Abu fixed it.

I know when an Abu is working on it in the middle of the night and I know when an Abu is not.

So fuck you. For fucking with my shit. There's snipers on the roof so don't fucking come over because they are using bullets. Dont send your pathetic wife or loser friend you're too lazy to dump and be honest with so they can get killed. We can tell the difference.

So your little friend that dropped his brother in the Indian Ocean to hide who he is. Didn't hide from me. And hes dead.

Understand that.

......

You don't know me and i don't know you and so When you come breathing on me i smell your breath and your whole soul.

So get yourself under control.

There's a whole lotta shit to do than stare at me and figure out how to piss me off.

Im gonna stay that Just so you know

I don't kill people and then be all happy and relaxed. I get fucking pissed and i never fucking sleep or eat.

So figure that and add PMS.

As i said continue returning victims.

I have a massive pile up on I40. And i need Chinooks to go to Grants and Gallup and pick up our friends and take them to Truth or Consequences.

I need 3. I need humvees to check restaurants in Albuquerque.

Los Lunas and Belen are using their own police departments.

Uncle Donald is asleep. Vice President of the United States of America, Mike Pence is awake.

So please be kind and courteous. Turn your car radios on in I40.

Play some music. Live as if this was your last day on Earth tomorrow. And you're still trying to get into Heaven.

Alright?

Doesn't mattwe what you did yesterday. Doesn't matter what you did an hour ago

Lets pretend Jesus is alive and forgave us and our time starts over now.

Let's do the right thing.

Alright

You did bad.

I did bad and killed your leader who you may or may not know who it was.

So it starts over.

Everyone is good, lets prove that to ourselves and each other.

Okay.

Okay.