#y’all really need to learn better than to send me asks cos you will get long ass shit like this in return

[cass-burger]

Wow stardew really did dunk on cyberpunk didn’t it? I know it’s not exactly the perfect comparison they’re very different games trying to do very different things but I’m totally fine with just having games like stardew (not in terms of gameplay but in terms of scope I guess is the right word). Funny how a game made with love and with no pretentiousness to revolutionize or be the “game with best X” is not only playable on every platform it also has a huge following for a few years now and is still getting updates that are crazy good (and free the updates that is) mean while mister “we’re going to revolutionize gaming with the best and most in-depth character creator ever” got kicked out of the PlayStation store

maybe I just follow all the right people but it really feels to me this year that the games that have actually left a cultural impact on people or that have managed to stay in the conversation space (where others, the typically “big name” titles, have died down a bit after release or don’t even really get talked about at all) are the games that you can clearly see were made with love and cos it’s what people wanted to make and what they truly believed would be just actually fun to play. if i think of the games that came out this year that are still popular and talked about right now i would say among us, fall guys, hades, animal crossing (although that did die down a bit but I feel like that’s got a lot to do with the villager dialogue trees unfortunately being extremely shallow), phasmophobia popped up a bit there towards the end of the year. outside of animal crossing none of these are what you would consider ‘big name’ titles. closest I can think of is fall guys just cos they have the backing of revolver which is a decent sized game company by its own name but even then it didn’t get much airtime at all until it was released and became massively popular. the one thing that all these games have in common at least in my eyes is that they were made with so much love by the creators and it really shines through.

now I’m sure the triple a titles that made shittons of money and won big at the game awards and sold consoles and all that, im sure they were also made with love. i don’t want to say the devs on those games weren’t putting their love into it and weren’t passionate about what they were making cos I can guarantee they were. what I am saying however is that the love being poured into it never got a chance to shine through. now there’s a bunch of reasons for that *cough*CAPITALISM*cough* and I think that the way triple a games are made is actually very restrictive to what the game can achieve. the art style is almost exclusively ~realistic~ to the point that how close to uncanny valley or lifelike or w/e you can get, the better. the hours and exhaustion and lack of good leadership almost always lead to things being overlooked in development resulting in a load of bugs and glitches and general problems with the game, the most well demonstrated example so far being cp77.

now back to the non-big-name, cass’s-personal-decision-of-what-the-most-loved-games-of-2020-were list of games, I’m not gonna say none of those problems were there (well maybe the art style one. none of these games are “realistic” looking lol), I’m saying that even if they were there, the leadership and teamwork and vision and whatever else was good enough that the games we got were fun to play, fun to look at, able to continue to be popular despite having much less “content” than other names, and the ‘made with love’ thing I keep talking about really really shone through.

now to actually get back on topic for this ask, I know stardew valley didn’t come out this year, and it’s definitely taken a bit of a backseat since a few years ago when it was the most popular indie game, but it ticks all of the same boxes as the other games on this list, AND it was made by one man!! Like!! Albeit I’m pretty sure he now has a small team helping him but STILL! basically this very long tangent deviating away from what you were asking is just to say that stardew valley and any other game like it where it doesn’t matter how many people worked on it or how graphically or performance-heavily impressive it is, will always beat out any triple a game as to how much people care about it and want to play and keep playing it well after release. it’s because it’s made with love and the creator/s are able to share that love with people playing it and it makes the people playing it love it all that much more. i honestly can’t say I’m surprised that sv did better than cp77 this year because like of course it did. it was always going to. the content coming out of a capitalistic machine cranking out triple a titles will never be able to live up to the passion project of some dude who doesn’t have a proper desk and just wants to make a cute pixel art game where you farm and romance cute people. it just isn’t possible under capitalism and the way that triple a games are made.

[coalitiongirl]

Fic Recs (under 300 edition)

So I wanted to get back to reading Swan Queen fic regularly, and I asked people to rec longfic that they'd read (not written) and loved that had fewer than 300 kudos! I haven’t read most of these, but I’ve collected them here so y’all can go through the list and discover some new fics with me! Please try to kudos and review every fic that you read! It means the world to the writers and will keep em writing, and then we all win. 😁

Atonement by SgtMac (M): With Regina's magical heart failing thanks to years of previous evil, Emma and Regina and Henry (and Granny!) set out to save her life by traveling to the Enchanted Forest and requesting help from ancient magical beings known as the Guardians. Given a mission as simple as it is impossible - to achieve atonement by creating peace - the ladies find themselves joining a rebellion and fighting for the very soul of the Enchanted Forest all while trying to help Regina to understand that the self-loathing and guilt which have driven most of her actions don't have to doom her chance for a new beginning or even, a chance to live and love again. A S4(ish) SQ love story set against the turmoil of war and the chaotic savagery of the old world.

Blood and Sand by cheshire6845 (E): A/U The Savior is a slave forced into the role of fighting as a gladiator for the House of Hearts. The odds are against her survival as she will have to win in the arena, navigate Cora's schemes, outlast a general's vengeance, and not be killed out of spite by the current House of Hearts Champion - Regina the Undefeated. This story follows the major plot points of Starz Spartacus with some twists along the way.

But what if there was no time by KizuRai (M): When she wakes up, it's dark. She can't move, she can't see, she can't feel and she can't hear. Where am I? She feels a forceful oppression, pressing her down, draining her of her energy and she's powerless to stop it. How did I get here? The question of here is relative, she's not even sure where here is. What happened? There must be some reason for being stuck here but her memory is fuzzy, like all her thoughts are being sifted through a filter. Who am I? She's not sure if she actually exists or she suddenly became sentient in the darkness.She hears a voice reverberating in the distance, it's distorted and quiet but she hears it all the same. It breaks the monotony of the silence. Someone's coming for her, they will get her out. She's just not sure she wants them to as the price might be too great.

Finding Home by evl_rgl (T): “I wanted to remember you so badly that I pulled back your cursed town just so that the memories would make sense. I needed you so badly that even when I had no memory of you, I still tried to find you.” Regina gave Emma and Henry memories of a happy life together before they fled Pan’s curse, leaving them with no memories of their lives in Storybrooke. However, when the memory spell shows signs of failing, threatening to rip apart the minds of both Emma and Henry, Regina makes a drastic choice to go back and fix it, understanding that it will mean living alone in a world where her son doesn’t know her. Was the spell really faulty, though? (swanqueen)

Five Flames by MariaComet (U): In the past, Emma Nolan disconnected from her peers in high school, preferring to keep to herself. In her sophomore year of high school, she decided to try and join the boy’s wrestling team because she was bored. She didn’t expect herself to become the champion of the most bullied kid in school or the secret best friend of the school queen. She also didn’t expect to join a club that would change her life. In the present, Emma is trying to cope with a humiliating loss in her martial arts career. She claims to be “training” but is stuck in limbo between wanting to retire and try again. She is isolated from her former best friend, Regina Mills, a local celebrity chef and the rest of her old friends. When one of them calls her with an idea to honor their deceased teacher, she is confronted with unresolved feelings and questions about how powerful love truly is.

A Glamour of Truth by PrincessCharming (T): After 2x10, Regina uses magic to show Emma the obvious truth. A tentative trust forms between them amid hilarious bickering. With Emma's help, Regina struggles to regain a place in her son's life... until Cora arrives, wanting her daughter back. Pieces of Regina's past emerge showing that the board was set long before the game started. The final battle begins soon.

His Dark Materials 'verse by MoonlitMidnight (M): A modern Alternate Universe in which Dæmons (the external physical manifestation of a person's 'inner self' that takes the form of an animal) are present. In which Emma and Regina have led slightly different lives and they make slightly different choices.

How Many Miles to Avalon? (WIP) by RavenOutlander (E): Regina would do anything to save Emma from the darkness and bring her back home safe and sound. Even put up with the two idiots, Captain Guyliner and a bunch of dwarves she decidedly wanted to drop off at the nearest exit. But in their search for Emma, they find that she might not need that much saving after all. Caught up in a search for the infamous Philosopher Stone, an all out war between DunBroch and Camelot, and ghosts from the past to haunt her every waking moment, Regina finds herself scrambling to keep her and her family's happy endings from falling apart.

The Hyperion by FrankenSpine (M): After wishing upon what she believes is a shooting star, Emma Swan finds herself aboard the Hyperion, the royal starship of an alien Queen from a faraway galaxy. She quickly learns of the tensions between the Queen's people and her own, but the Queen takes an interest in her and agrees to take her away from Earth forever. Adventure awaits. *(Loosely based on Guardians of the Galaxy with just a hint of Farscape)*

If Wishes Came True (It Would've Been You) by Angeii_K (M): After Regina films a guest appearance on her friend Neal’s popular show, he invites her to spend the weekend with him and his girlfriend. What she never expected was to actually like the woman. Sparks fly between the two, which results in them questioning everything and making choices they will later regret. 4 years later, they meet again in the most unexpected of ways. Now co-stars on the same show, they are forced to work through the emotions from their last encounter. What will happen next? Only time will tell.

The King Doesn’t Have To Know (WIP) by highheelsandchocolate (M): The White Knight had never seen anyone like her before: the Queen was nothing short of mesmerizing. Her possessive yet neglectful husband, however, was another thing entirely.

The Lich by Dangereaux (M): Gay disaster Emma, exasperated Regina, and a monster. A Halloween special.

Maybe if We Close Our Eyes we Can Reach the Stars by wellthizizdeprezzing (T): Emma is a lonely astronaut. Regina is an adventuring alien. Their paths cross leading them onto a journey of new discovery. Between galaxies and many miles of cold black space, despite not speaking the same language, they manage to fall for each other. An out of this world love story.

A prisoner long forgotten by sugarsweet_19 (M): ‘I wish I had a child as white as snow, as red as blood and as black as the wood of the window-frame. Soon after she had a little girl, who was as white as snow, with lips as red as blood and with her hair as black as the ebony of the window-frame. She was therefore called Snow-white.” This is how our story starts but how will it end?The evil queen as been locked up in a tower and forgotten that is until princess Emma looks for a place to hid from her parents after they tell her she has to marry Neal the son of the dark one.

Revenge of the Three Little Pigs by mskyo (M): Regina and Emma find themselves alone and looking for the rest of their party. The Evil Queen must face the consequences of her past actions. Will Emma come to her aid, or understand that justice must be served... *Some chapters have fairly graphic sex, and violence*

Things I Almost Remember by cheshire6845 (T): A/U Despite an oncoming war between the Dark and the Light, Emma and Regina are best friends growing up in the Enchanted Forest. When war does come, they find themselves on opposite sides. Regina will have to defy her mother to save Emma. Will Emma be able to save Regina when Cora curses her daughter to live in the Land without Magic?

What We Make (WIP) by DiazTuna (M): “My mother.” He says calmly. He’d known all along, she’s aware. But he’d known that today would be the day that would get this going. She wants to ask what it was like, to have woken up this morning, laced up his boots and walked into hell just knowing. “It’s programmed the cyborg to kill her. Before I have a chance to be born.” -In which the leader of the future sends his best soldier back to the past to save his mother from a killer cyborg. Terminator AU.

The Wrong Way by pcworth (M): Takes place right after Zelena steals Regina's heart. Zelena offers Regina a chance to go back in time with her and change both of their lives for the better. But what will be the price of that decision. Slow-burn to SwanQueen

zombie trash by 13pens (T): Zelena could have her brain and eat it, too. Fic operates on three premises 1. this takes place in any universe where zelena is a reformed asshole 2. zombies are a thing and exist iZombie style 3. i have NO chill

[masterthespianduchovny]

Let’s talk about this Nate and Rebecca comparison again. 😊

There is a reason why I forgave Rebecca and why I’ll forgive Nate if he has the same introspection and emotional beats that she did surrounding the apology sequence.

Keeley gives Rebecca an ultimatum. “Either you tell Ted or I will.”

So the pressure to own up to the clusterfuck she created was there. It was time sensitive and she stood to lose a friend if she didn’t comply.

Rebecca calls Ted into her office saying that she’ll get straight to the point and not procrastinate while ironically doing neither.

We see this is difficult for her. It’s clear that she cares a lot for Ted and is realizing how much she stands to lose—not just her image, but Ted as friend as well, which is why she loses her nerve and sends him away.

Then Rupert comes in and drops a bomb, he and Bex are expecting. He dresses up this revelation as kindness and compassion opposed to callousness and cruelty. That he came to tell her face to face to watch her become distraught in real time. He revels in her pain. He wants to be the cause of it.

And the thing is: they both know this.

They both know he’s not trying to soften the blow of the new, but rather, add to it.

Rupert tries to frame her as hysterical. He tries to make her feel not good enough to have his child. Something he emotionally manipulated her into not having. A discussion they probably had for years, which he made her feel bad about.

Only to impregnate a younger woman and deem her “worthy” of having his child.

And he does hurt her.

We see the tears and the understanding as to how vile and evil is in Rebecca’s face. We see the understanding that Rupert gets off on emotionally harming her.

In that moment, Rebecca decides that she’s not going to be Rupert, she’s not going to end up like him. She’s not going to get off on others misery even if it’s his. It’s not her and so many people have gotten hurt, or could’ve, in the process.

Although she wants to keep ted in her life, as her friend, he has a right to know what she did. He has a right to quit and go the press. She’s not justified in what she’s done to Ted just because Rupert harmed her. And harming all of those people in the process just to hurt Rupert wasn’t right.

Rebecca sheds her fears and owns why she did because she doesn’t have the right to be shielded from Ted’s rightful anger. She doesn’t have the right to shield herself from something that is long overdo. She doesn’t have the right to take solace in a friendship that she feels she doesn’t deserve.

She deserves whatever Ted throws at her.

So she goes to face Ted and doesn’t justify or excuse her actions. There is not only remorse, there is also ownership of her actions. She doesn’t ask to be spared, plea for anything, beg, or influence Ted to take it easy on her.

In fact, she expects him to quit and tell the press, which she expects to weather after he airs our her dirty laundry.

And you know what, she was 100% prepared to accept accountability and responsibility for her actions.

Now this doesn’t erase the harm she did, but 1. Rebecca expressed remorse 2. She apologized 3. She was accountable 4. She didn’t try to influence him to forgive her and didn’t expect him to. 5. She gave him the space and freedom (no crowd) to make whatever decision he felt was appropriate even if she suffered massive consequences, which would’ve been deserved.

To be far to Nate, he’s in the middle of his story. So he didn’t have the same gut punch moment. We’ll see what that looks like at the end of the season.

What we get is Beard calling him out for what he said to Colin, Nate wondering if Ted knows, and being told to apologize.

I must note that Nate doesn’t appear to be remorseful about what he said, he just doesn’t want to get in trouble with Ted. Even if you argue that either Nate shouldn’t have to apologize to Colin since Colin used to bully him or that their relationship is too complicated to get to that point yet, Nate is still one of Colin’s coaches. If Nate isn’t mature enough to separate their history from their current relationship, he shouldn’t be a coach.

Remember, Roy was literally called out about this an episode or two ago and immediately corrected his behavior when called out by Ted. He cannot be a coach and selectively coach players. It doesn’t work that way.

Nate not only doesn’t give Colin the space and freedom to process his apology, the apology was insincere. There is no reckon king, reflection, or sincerity in his words. He’s apologizing because he has to and not because he means it.

The thing is: Nate should’ve apologized for allowing their past history interfere for his coaching responsibility and acknowledged that Colin did emotionally and physically hurt him, but it’s something he’s working to move past to be great at his job.

However, the person who really deserved the apology was Will and that’s what further highlights the entire charade. More so than Colin, Will deserved the apology and to be treated with respect. He deserves not to yelled at, afraid, and not to go to work at a hostile environment.

Instead, Nate further focuses on Will and his hostility increases.

Again, we are at the middle of Nate’s story, so anything can happen. But don’t get mad at me for using this comparison when I wasn’t the one who made it. Rather than people mentioning how Rebecca was forgiven for the fucked up shit she did, people should’ve said, “look at where Rebecca was around the half way mark in the first season and look at where she was in the finale; even though it looks bad, Nate still has time to turn this around.”

Instead people want to say, “y’all forgave Rebecca and Jamie for worse shit.”

Rebecca and Nate’s apologies are vastly different. After Rebecca apologized to Ted, she went and genuinely apologized to Higgins. Nate read a mean tweet and went and verbally abused and threatened Will.

For the third time, Nate is in the middle of his story and it does him a disservice to compare him to people with completed arcs. To people who has self reflection, made amends, and made active changes to become better people and useful to the bigger picture. Because we went on these full journeys, we’re able to forgive. Nate is still working through his shit and his actions aren’t a good look at all.

Let’s not set Nate up to fail currently by comparing him to people who have dealt with their shit heads on and learned from it. Let’s compare Nate’s journey to the middle of their stories and stress that his story isn’t over yet.

And let’s acknowledge that people have the right to feel angry and disturbed at Nate. Or how the power imbalance is vastly different from kitman and player v kitman and coach. This isn’t to say Jamie and co weren’t wrong to bully Nate, however, currently, as an assistant coach, he has more power over Will than the players did over him. Although Ted and Beard can override him, that relies on them always being around and seeing shit AND Will not being frightened to come forward. He may not think he’ll be able to or have support. Especially because they’re a crew, the Diamond Dogs.

Relying on other coaches to save or spare Will undercuts any reckoning and accountability for Nate. He needs to come to the realization that his behavior is fucked up and he shouldn’t be tormenting the kitman for any reason.

[jaembby]

Lesson learned

pairing: nct dream x f reader

genre: fluff, angst (kinda but not really- its basically y/n having a breakdown that’s it), somewhat a roommates au

word count: 1.8k

requested: yes! request:  scenario where they try to prank you ignoring you like they're upset, but you had a really bad day and just breaks down in front of them (nct dream)

warnings: there’s really none unless you count possible grammar mistakes and shitty writing. also I only got to proof reading the first part so the second half probably has some mistakes but let’s just ignore them for now :)

a/n: thank you again for the request @nctvroomts! if anyone wants to request anything, send it in!

also, I hit 60 followers while writing this!! (i’m at 63 now) Thank you all so much!! I can’t believe there are actually over 60 people who read my writing y’all i- <3 <3 <3

preview:

You couldn’t take it anymore and let a small salty tear slide down your cheek as you turned and ran to your room.

Sneaky smiles quickly turned to looks of instant regret as the boys realized; they’d messed up.

-----

The second you entered into your shared flat, you knew something wasn’t right.

There are four of you who live in the flat but it feels more like eight. Jaemin, Jeno and Renjun lived with you but their friend group - who you had now become a part of - called “the dreamies” were always over. Your home was like a second home to Mark, Haechan, Chenle and Jisung aka the other half of the dreamies.

Every single day, without fail, you would come home to the group of overly affectionate boys bombarding you with hugs and questions about your day and stories about theirs. Today, however, was different.

You walked into the door only to be greeted with silence. Most of the boys were sitting and playing video games on the couches of your shared living room while Jaemin and Jeno were taking fresh muffins out of the oven for everyone. Not a single head had turned your way upon your arrival. Not a single greeting of “hi” or “how was your day?”. Not one person moved from where they were stationed nor paid any attention to you whatsoever. Did you do something? Do they suddenly not like you?

“Hello? Are any of you alive?” you called out but didn’t get a response.

You weren’t in the mood for this shit today. You’d had an argument with a co-worker which ended up with nearly everyone in the workplace turning against you for absolutely no reason then received hateful messages because of false rumours spread about you. Because of this, your boss had even threatened that “you’ll be fired if this rubbish continues” and “we can’t have someone like you causing trouble among our staff and bringing the company’s reputation down”! It wasn’t even your fault! But of course, no one listened to you.

“Did I do something? Am I a ghost?” you asked the boys but, once again, received no response. You looked over to where the dreamies sat on the couches eating their muffins which just so happened to be your favourite flavour. It also just so happened that there were none made for you.

“Hello? Please don’t ignore me, guys,” you said as you set your things down on a table, trying not to let them get the better of you.

You looked forward to coming home to the dreamies because they’re your best friends! They always managed to make you feel better and today, you really needed it.

“Did you guys hear anything?” Haechan asked the rest of the group. They all responded with a chorus of no’s and nope’s and that’s when you let go.

Well done. Whatever you boys hoped to achieve, I hope you’re happy, you thought as you felt isolated and alone. The day that you thought couldn’t have gotten any worse just did and it was too much for you.

You couldn’t take it anymore and let a small salty tear slide down your cheek as you turned and ran to your room.

Sneaky smiles quickly turned to looks of instant regret as the boys realized; they’d messed up.

You didn’t spare a glance back at the group of 7 boys downstairs as you slammed the door and flopped onto your bed before letting the tears fall. All of the pent-up anger, frustration and sadness from today’s events came crashing down like a tidal wave as you struggled to control your breathing.

Downstairs, the guys had started to panic.

“Haechan, this is all your fault for suggesting to prank y/n!” Renjun shouted.

“Me? You all agreed to it!” Haechan replied.

Soon enough, almost all of the dreamies were arguing over whose fault it was, a series of “you did this” and “you said that” was all that could be heard with each boy trying to get his say.

“Shut up! All of you!” Mark yelled, bringing an abrupt halt to the arguments.

“Thank you. Now, stop blaming each other. We all agreed to prank y/n and all came up with the plan together. Obviously, we’ve upset her because we’re all stupid and selfish so now we’ve got to work out how to fix this mess.”

“This is why Mark is our unofficial leader,” Haechan stated as Mark blushed. “now does anyone have any ideas on how to fix this mess that we all made?” He continued.

“Jeno and I made extra muffins that we were going to give to y/n after,” Jaemin said in a small voice.

“I feel so bad,” Jisung said as he suddenly found the ground very interesting.

“Me too”

“Me three”

“Same”

“I think we all do”

“Yeah”

“Yep”

“Alright, here’s the plan...” Mark said as he revealed what the group of boys were to do in order to apologize and fix their mistakes.

7 out of the 8 dreamies (you being the odd one out) were sitting in a circle and thinking of ways to make you feel better.

“I can go talk to her... see how she is?” Jisung suggested.

“That’s probably a good idea, ‘sungie, seeing as she doesn’t often get mad at you. While Jisung’s up there, Jaemin and Jeno, I want you guys to get the rest of the muffins out and put them on a plate and 9 glasses and a bottle of y/n’s favourite juice. Renjun and Haechan, help me set up a pillow fort and Chenle, pick out a few movies that y/n might like. Is everyone okay with that?” Mark said, his authoritative side showing once again. When everyone nodded in response, it was time to start.

Jisung walked quietly up the stairs towards your room but stopped a few feet away when he heard your uneven breathing and quiet sniffles being muffled by pillows. He quickly made a detour to the bathroom where he got a glass of water for you and a box of tissues and set out for your room once more.

“y/n?” Jisung asked hesitantly.

“what do you want?” You questioned, angry that the dreamies were ignoring you up until now.

“It’s Jisung, can I come in?”

“Oh, come in ‘sung.”

Jisung made his way into your room and sat down at the edge of your bed before pulling you into a gentle hug. For a while, it was just the two of you in comfortable silence. No words needing to be shared as Jisung let you cry onto his shoulder as he gently stroked your hair. When your breathing had returned to a somewhat normal pace with only small hiccups here and there, Jisung passed you a tissue.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, the gentle sound muffled by his face in your hair.

“Not only me... the rest of us. Y/n, we’re really sorry,” He said as he tightened his grip on you before pulling away to help you wipe some of the tears from your cheeks.

“I’m sorry too. I guess I overreacted. It’s not all your fault... I’ve just had a pretty rough day with work and coming home to my best friends acting like I wasn’t there was not the best end to it” you smiled slightly as you reached a hand up to play with Jisung’s hair. He always managed to calm you down. No matter what happened between you and the others, Jisung was always the one to not get involved.

“Y/n I’m so sorry, we didn’t know. It was just meant to be a prank but we took it too far.”

“It’s okay, ‘sungie. I’m fine now.” You gave him a reassuring smile as you pulled your hands away from his hair which was now slightly messier than it had been before.

“Do you wanna go downstairs? Let’s get you cleaned up a bit and head down because the others want to apologise, too.” Jisung said as he led you to your ensuite bathroom and gently took your hair out of it’s ponytail as you washed off your (now messed up) makeup. Soon enough, you had washed off the makeup, the red stains in your eyes from crying had reduced and you’d changed into comfier clothes as you headed downstairs with Jisung to meet the remaining 6 boys.

As soon as you’d got downstairs, Mark smothered you in a too-tight hug.

“Jisung probably already told you this but we’re so sorry. We really are, y/n. It was meant to be a stupid prank but we never intended to hurt your feelings. We’re really sorry.” He said as he pulled back and grabbed your hand, leading you towards the mess of pillows and blankets that the boys had turned into a fort big enough to comfortably fit all 8 of you.

You’d just sat down on one of the pillows when suddenly a tray of muffins was placed in front of you by a pouty Jaemin and Jeno.

“Sorry.” they both said as they took turns in giving you hugs.

Renjun, Haechan and Chenle followed after Jaemin and Jeno, apologizing and giving you tight comforting hugs.

After hugs and muffins being shared amongst you all, everyone had gotten into more comfortable positions in the pillow fort, ready to watch movies.

“Y/n, pick a movie,” Chenle said as he passed the remote in your direction from where he was seated next to Jisung. Haechan, who was to the left of you, grabbed it and gave it to you before resting his head gently on your shoulder and snuggling closer to you.

“Hyuck, stop moving. You nearly kicked over our cups.” Mark said as he reached down to move the half-empty cups away from the potentially dangerous area.

“Noo- the cups will be fine, Mark.” Haechan retorted tiredly and you laughed quietly at their banter.

The movie began and Jaemin, who was to your right, looped his arm with yours as he rested his head on your free shoulder.

Renjun leaned on Jeno, who leaned on Jaemin, who cuddled your right side while Mark was resting the weight of his head on Haechan’s lap and Chenle and Jisung were sat in front of the rest of you, side by side, leaning on each other and occasionally commenting on the movie to one another which would earn a playful slap from the other.

Things were peaceful (well, as peaceful as you can get with the dreamies) and all was well. You’d forgiven the boys and they’d learned not to pull dumb pranks in the future. Now here you all sat, the eight of you content and comfortable.

It was quiet apart from the movie playing in the background...too quiet.

Suddenly, the blanket that acted as the roof of the den fell down, along with two of the chairs holding them up, causing you all to laugh as Jaemin and Jisung screamed quietly, having been woken from their half-asleep state.

“Maybe someone else can be in charge of building the den next time,” Jisung mumbled grumpily as he lay on Chenle in an attempt to get comfortable once again.

“Hey!” Chenle said in an offended tone (though you all knew he was faking) and lightly hit Jisung in the arm which caused the rest of you to go into another laughing fit.

The group of overly affectionate boys had once again managed to make you smile and laugh again, despite everything that happened today.

Lesson learned: don’t prank y/n like that! 

-----

a/n: thank you for reading! I know this was very basic and boring with the shittiest plot but writer’s block doesn’t help when you’re trying to write a request nshdkj anyways not @ me trying to subtly put chenji markhyuck and norenmin in there i’m sorry if there’s mistakes I literally wrote majority of this at like 2am on multiple days so yeah. anyways i’m going to shut up now- thanks for reading and please continue sending in requests!! i’m so sorry @nctvrooms that this took so long to write I kinda forgot about it for like two weeks oops.

[unsaidmar]

WC: 2.5k (long winded girl, I know)

Plot: They share stuff and it changes how they see things. Connection ensues. 

CW: Mentions of death, illness, hospitals I guess, violence.

a/n: Hello y’all. This is part two of whatever the fuck is going on inside my pea brain. Hope you enjoy.

Part one, the meeting. 

Two; It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

She laughed at the awkwardness of the text and the perfect grammar Dr. Spencer Reid maintained while texting. Ollie made a mental note to care a little more about the phrasing of her own texts, especially considering the circumstances. To say she wanted to impress him was an understatement.

“Good, germs are yucky.” Sent at 7:45 am.

“Also, hi. Good morning” Sent at 7:45 am.

Good morning? Too much too soon? She fell victim to her overthinking for at least twenty minutes after sending her last text, realizing she had to slowly build up the courage to ask about the next time they would be seeing each other, which apparently would have to wait, since Spencer had an inconvenient schedule and could be out of the state in a matter of 20 minutes.  Ollie exhaled and stood up from her awful office chair to go and make herself some coffee, hoping to stop her mind from reeling and sending her into her usual never-ending pit of despair and anxiety that came with stepping out of her comfort zone.

A ping echoed in the room and her screen lit up, displaying a text from the one person she had been thinking about. Ollies mother would be crying laughing if she saw the state she was in, positively losing hair over the fact that a cute, smart, witty man was texting her back. A man she had spoken to for the first time not even 24 hours prior.

“I’m a nice person, I’m funny sometimes, I offered him coffee.” She whispered to herself, rationalizing every aspect of their interaction. “That’s how friendships start” She laughed bitterly. “I’m here… freaking… wishful thinking, and maybe he has a significant other… maybe he doesn’t even like women… maybe he just thought I was nice and he thought ‘yay, a new friend’… fuck” she plopped herself back on the chair and threw her head back.

Lia would have known what the right thing to do is, she would come up with a cool thing to text back on the spot, and she resented her absence like she had a million times before. Ollie had gotten used to writing her letters like her best friend was living somewhere else in the world and she would eventually read her friend’s attempt at keeping her updated, which she knew was not healthy and definitely not helping her move on.

The thing is, Lia’s death was not a surprise at all. It was a possibility to the point of actually being expected. She had been diagnosed as a terminal patient for a little over a year before she passed and almost everyone around her had made peace with the fact that she could go any day and that life would have to go on without her, but no amount of grief counseling and encouraging talks with Lia’s family could have prepared her for the unimaginable pain Ollie felt when it happened. She had heard about experiences that made the world turn upside down and how some life events made you go numb and make your legs give weight, but had never come face to face with a happenstance that painful.

She figured she was going to have to carry the burden of her loss till the day she died, and even then, the words “I missed you, till the very end.” would be carved in her grave.

Coming back from her spiral, she remembered how she fell down the rabbit hole in the first place. She took her phone with the intention of texting Spencer back and smiled at how stupid she had been to worry about seeing him again.

“Hey, arrest made successfully. Are you busy right now?” Sent at 7:57 am.

Sighing with relief, Ollie smiled and tried to sound casual with her reply as to not sound like seeing him again was the only thing she had been thinking about.

“I’m the boss, I can un-busy myself. Why? Were you charmed by my Keurig?” Sent at 8:00 am.

Spencer was not the kind to send sassy texts, or any text for that matter. This was completely new to him and he was determined to get it right, so he channeled the Derek Morgan that lived within him and prayed to whatever deity was looking out for him to make him sound cooler than he was feeling.

“I’m a sucker for coffee so, yes.” Sent at 8:05

 “I’m a sucker for you, apparently” Ollie nearly screamed at how quickly that came out of her mouth. “Fucking loser, dear God” She shook her head, scolding herself and whatever hamster was in charge of her brain and thought process.

“Mi oficina es tu oficina, then. I’ll be waiting.” Sent at 8:07

Twenty minutes later, he was there, coffee cup in his hands. After what felt like no time at all, they were four coffee cups deep into their conversation and had learned a lot more about each other. Turns out Spencer had a day off after they landed from an away case, he had a thing with germs, his favorite color was purple and his co-workers were more his family than just the people he happened to work with. He liked a bunch of sugar with his coffee and had an eidetic memory that was as much of a blessing as it was a curse.

He was impressed at how this girl was not what you would expect her to be, every aspect of her seemed to make no sense and at the same time, it made perfect sense. This purple haired girl had ADHD and a PhD in history, she was the oldest daughter of two of the most stubborn Mexican immigrants and had a sister that made even the most patient of humans go mad. She loved music, and was not ashamed to admit that her taste in music was far from sophisticated. “I am Taylor Swift’s bitch; I know the words to every single one of her songs! Same goes for One Direction too” She argued when Spencer said that it couldn’t be that bad.

A blaring ring halted their conversation to an unexpected stop. Ollie picked up the office phone with an annoyed grimace and exchanged a few words with whoever was calling.

“Hold that thought, I have to go sign a thingy at the front desk” She dashed out of her office and left Spencer there.

For the first time, he felt compelled to look around and fixate on the details. There were a few old looking pictures and some newer ones with people who looked a lot like her. There was one picture that caught his attention, isolated from the rest like it deserved a spot of its own. In it, there was a red-haired girl that looked around Ollie’s age, one of her arms around her waist and the other one cradling her head that was laying on her shoulder. Ollie’s eyes were closed and the red head looked like she was caught mid-sentence. Stuck to the frame was a little post it note that read “I love you, head ass. -Lia” It looked intimate, they were clearly comfortable with that kind of physical affection, and if Lia hadn’t called Ollie a head ass in the post it, he would have assumed they were together romantically.

Ollie came back in a hurry, apologizing for having to run out like that and sitting back down to resume their conversation.

“It’s okay, don’t worry” Spencer assured her. “I was looking at your pictures, I hope you don’t mind” He said, suddenly very aware of how invasive that could be.

“Not at all, those are there to be looked at” She shrugged, bracing herself for the question she knew was coming. Somehow, talking about Lia with him did not feel as dreadful as it had all those times she was asked about it before, perhaps it’s just him and his calming presence.

Sure enough, he pointed at the picture Lia had framed for valentine’s day and asked, “Who’s that?”.

“That’s Lia, she was my best friend. She is my best friend.” She smiled fondly, something that had never happened before when talking about this specific topic. Maybe sharing Lia’s memory with someone who didn’t know her was different. “She passed away almost a year and a half ago. 468 days ago, to be exact. She was really sick, it was inevitable” Ollie let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding, reaching for the post it and tracing the words over with her finger.

“I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how hard that must have been”

“It was… heartbreaking. Even with all that time we had to process the news, it still took me off guard.” She shook her head trying to ground herself. “Anyways, that’s a sad topic. I don’t want to bum you out with it.”

He knew the feeling all too well, he had apologized to several people when he rambled about Maeve, feeling like he had said too much and gotten too personal. He was not about to let this beautiful, vibrant soul feel the way he had for so long. Like he still did, truly.

“Don’t apologize, I get it. You’re not making me sad” He felt like he needed to elaborate to actually convey the message. “I went through the same thing with someone I loved too” he said, looking down at his hands, the very familiar feeling of oversharing creeping in. As he looked up, he noticed the sad look Ollie was giving him, but if the profiler in him was right, she was inviting him to share, not to stop.

“Her name was Maeve. She… she was a geneticist. She helped me through a rough time and she became my friend. It’s a long story…” he looked away.

“I want to hear it, long or not. But only if you want me to.” She gave him the warmest smile she could muster, which convinced him to keep going.

“Um, I started getting some headaches a while ago. I went to a few doctors but none of them gave me an answer. I reached out to Maeve for help and… We bonded, I guess.” He took a shaky breath.

“You don’t have to continue if you feel uncomfortable” she whispered in the most delicate tone.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just… I’ve never told this story before. Everyone in my life that I care about was there to see it.” He said, meeting her eyes so she could see how honest he was being. The man got a hold of himself for a minute, and continued.

“Maeve had to go into hiding. She was being stalked by some woman she met at work. Beyond talking on the phone, we hadn’t even met. I had no idea what she looked like and vice versa. This girl, the stalker… She wrote a paper, and Maeve dismissed it because it didn’t have a good enough foundation. When she started stalking her, she scared her into hiding and eventually started dating her ex-fiancé to try and get closer to Maeve, assuming he knew where she was. They ended up finding her and confronting her. She shot herself and the first person I ever loved. Right in front of me and my friends. The first five minutes I got with Maeve face to face, were the last.”

Baring his soul to a person he had known for a whooping 18 hours was the weirdest thing Spencer had ever done, so unlike himself it was almost funny. But at the same time, he felt like it had to happen. By no means did he believe in fate or destiny, but this one moment made him feel like maybe whoever does believe in that stuff, is not completely wrong.

She was not a therapist. She listened because she was going through a similar thing herself and her interest in Spencer’s loss was not rooted in psychoanalyzing him and helping him cope. She was just a mundane human that did not look at him with condescension and pity, she looked at him like she, too, had found a person who wouldn’t ask her “And, how does that make you feel?” in a monotonous voice. They both knew better than to assume they had all the answers.

“Spencer, that’s horrible. I am so sorry you had to see that. Jesus, fuck. I- “She thought about her next words very carefully. “That’s enough to crush anyone’s spirit” She looked at him like he was turning green. The reason being, he did not look like he was crushed. He had a beautiful smile that shook Ollie to her core, he was easygoing and conversation with him was carefree and it flowed easily. If he had not told her about Maeve, she would not have guessed the man sitting right in front of her was as affected as her.

“How did you manage to get through that?” Ollie questioned, fully intending to take notes.

“I don’t really think I have yet…” Well, time to come clean. Spencer thought. “The whole reason I was here yesterday, and a lot more times before that one, is because she and I talked about this museum. She told me about some conferences she had attended here and we made plans to visit together. Doesn’t quite sound like someone who’s over the whole thing.” He fiddled with his fingers, suddenly too aware of how cold it was. “How did you get through Lia’s death?”

“Yeah, well. I don’t really think I’m quite there either. Not like I’m trying, anyways. I can’t seem to get away from the Grey Roots either” Mental images of two little kids running around with dusty books in their hands came to her and she couldn’t help the small smile she broke into.

“I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, I have always thought that the way Lia and I found each other was pure magic. We met when we were in the second grade, right in this museum, we were on a field trip and we clicked. It was crazy to me that I actually met my best friend at such a young age, and the kind that lasts forever too. It sounds like when people meet the love of their lives on their first try. It sounds dorky, I know”

“It doesn’t. If anything, it sounds like you consider yourself lucky to have loved her like you did. We need more people like that, people that believe in magic.” Spencer reassured her with a shrug. He wished he could believe in cute stuff like that, but he was happy Ollie led a life that made her believe.

“Yeah, but us crazy people, we get our hopes up too easily. Sometimes it hurts.”

“Tell me about it.”

And just like that, in the not so well-lit office of the head Conservator of the Grey Roots Museum and Archive, something in the world had shifted.

[sometimesrosy]

Okay but I really wish the whole spacekru&Clarke friendships weren't so overlooked in storyline. Out of nowhere this season suddenly Murphy and emori care about madi. Same with raven season 6. Yet they couldn't understand Clarke's need to care for her season 5. Murphy and Clarke could've bonded over their mistakes and cockroach nature yet he holds everything that happened years ago, before praimfaya over her head like he's innocent either. Part 1

Part 2. Clarke and echo hugging out of nowhere in season 6? Yeah they've all grown and made mistakes but where's the development in some of these? I hate how Clarke is so selfless sometimes because she just puts up with people, her now so called "family" yet they don't talk about their relationships and develop them, making comments all the time or willing to sacrifice her and not care. I love her she rises above that but who wants to put up with that. Who should

+++

I really wish you wouldn’t come to a conclusion and then pretend that the canon that shows spacekru’s relationship to Clarke and Madi didn’t exist.

It may not have the same development that you want it to have, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing. And I hate it when people erase canon to feed their theories.

If there is canon narrative that disproves or disagrees with your theory, then your theory is not working. If you don’t address that contrary canon, you’re just ignoring it. That’s erasure and bad theorizing. At best you have an unproven hypothesis. Just an idea. 

Clarke and Spacekru relationships are not overlooked. First off Bellamy is spacekru and both s5 and s6 were about their relationship, even when they were at odds. 

We had Clarke and Monty and Harper in season 5, and they didn’t survive, true, but they spoke to HER and asked HER to take care of their son and Jordan has a relationship with her too. 

Clarke and Raven was a complex relationship and Raven was MAD at Clarke for MANY reasons going all the way back to Abby and Finn. S5 and s6 was a continuation of her resentment from all of that. You can say they aren’t focusing on their relationship but you’re wrong. The closest definition of that relationship is “sibling rivalry.” And no, it’s not always happy. In s5, Raven met Madi, and they were on the same side trying to get free of Clarke to save Bellamy and co. Raven’s relationship with Madi started THEN and was outside of her relationship with Clarke. In s6 she wasn’t saving Madi because of CLARKE she was doing it for Madi, and because it was the right thing to do. This reminds us of when she didn’t give Luna’s daughter meds and then watcher her die from it. Whether or not the meds would have worked earlier, RAVEN was confronted with the moral reasons to save people instead of being pragmatic. She was ALSO working with Abby to save Madi. She ALSO had a moral awakening and leadership crisis when she decided to help Abby bring back Kane and then help Kane die, taking the serum with him. THIS began her learning to understand Clarke. And when she came back, THAT’S when you saw her start to deal with morality in a more adult manner and make choices about that, not pragmatism or resentment. When she thought Clarke was gone for good, that MATTERED to Raven. Raven’s change in attitude was about HER OWN character development. Not Clarke’s. Clarke was already trying her best to do better. Raven REFUSED to stop working on Madi, when Clarke ASKED HER TO, because she needed to save Madi not open the shield. She didn’t do that for Clarke. She did that because it was the right thing to do, and honestly, you should have noticed that moment as one where Raven and Clarke clicked back together based on their long history and independent intentions to be better. Then there was the whole losing their mother/foster mother and desperation to save madi/their people. And like, if you think  the beginning of 7, where they’re working together and Clarke understands her struggle with the near meltdown and deaths is nothing and then that whole scene where it’s just them in the belly of the beast and that doesn’t count as relationship development? I just... why? What do you think that is? 

And with Murphy? You don’t understand why he’d care about Madi now? WHY NOT? Murphy was the one who tried to save Luna’s daughter and went sneaky to do it. He faced Raven down to do it. His relationship began with Madi in season 5 also, where he met her in the rover. Why wouldn’t he care about her? She’s his family too. Also like Raven, Abby was like his foster mom. Her death hit him hard. Madi is their way to make it up to her. And yes, Murphy blamed Clarke for things, and was irrational about it during the eclipse psychosis, blaming her for things that weren’t her fault, but he saved her and teamed up with her to save them all, too. And siding with Josephine was after she was dead and he was trying to save their people so her sacrifice was worth something. Even if he did momentarily try to get Clarke erased from Josephine, in the end he chose Clarke and Clarke knew it. They DO understand each other and Clarke never blamed him. She said she was proud of him. And he was happy she was alive. They don’t NEED to talk about their feelings, they understand each other, cockroach to cockroach. Notice she DID need to talk to Raven, because Raven needs logic and understanding while Murphy runs on intuition.  Clarke put Murphy in CHARGE of Sanctum. He is taking care of everyone. MADI is his family. What kind of fan of The 100 doesn’t know how much of a hero Murphy is, how much he cares about his family. 

We had Clarke and Echo in season 5. They had a huge scene that showed them getting their resentment and sadness out and then they basically got over it. Echo was the first person to consider Clarke part of the team again. When they hugged, it was NOT out of nowhere.  They’re allies and have not been antagonists since that Clecho scene. You didn’t pay attention to it and decided that Echo hated Clarke when she simply didn’t. She defended Clarke at the beginning of s6 when Murphy and Raven attacked her. Echo was ready to destroy Sanctum for killing Clarke. Echo follows Clarke, because Bellamy follows Clarke and she knows how to follow her leaders. Echo has been Clarke’s people since s5 and Clarke has been Echo’s people since the same. Tell me again how they hug out of nowhere? Or is your bias against Echo and insistence on a shipwar blinding you? Clarke and Echo get along. Period. They are more alike than they are different. Shoot, Clarke was the one who invited her into the family. No one else wanted her to come. She sacrificed her suit so Echo could stay.

“So called family.”

That’s the key to your ask.

You are continuing the war between Clarke and Spacekru. The war that was never there. They had a falling out like family members have falling outs. Siblings. And you continue to hold that over their heads even though they’re over it and family again.

Drop it. Or if you want to hold onto it, don’t send it to me.

I’m actually kind of annoyed that I had to do all the work of pointing out relationship development that was pretty major for three (or more!) seasons while you’re just whining that it isn’t there.

Y’all. This fandom. I swear. It’s like once Echo got made a main you all lost half your braincells. You erased anything that had anything non-evil to do with her, and that includes her inclusion into spacekru. 

STOP WITH THE FAN WARS.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: [a phone number]

Ronnie: found you your own special plug

Joe: Can’t wait to get gang-raped by whoever this is

Joe: or maybe it’s a phishing scam, what route have you gone down 🤔

Ronnie: route of she can be your number 8 cos youre such a bike

Joe: it’s that kind of hook-up

Ronnie: pay for the gear if you cant get it up soft lad she looks fuck all like your ma

Ronnie: couldnt track down no more of her bastards for you soz

Joe: taking your role that seriously?

Joe: alright

Ronnie: getting out of it

Ronnie: she can babysit you

Joe: she probably lost custody of her own so

Joe: nice of you on all fronts

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: what, your dealer don’t like me or something

Ronnie: how the fuck would i know like

Ronnie: and how would he you legged it out of there soon as he showed

Joe: no shit I did

Ronnie: ordeals over now baby go cry to your new mammy about it

Joe: unlikely

Joe: but it ain’t my ordeal so

Ronnie: they ll swab & treat him he ll be sound

Joe: give a shit about him

Ronnie: if youve got something to say

Joe: I just said it

Joe: I don’t care about him

Ronnie: you dont care about me fuck off with your heroics

Joe: you didn’t want swooping up and saving, don’t mean I don’t give a fuck

Ronnie: your student loan aint gonna cover both our habits youd have me dopesick cause youre fucking jealous that means you dont

Joe: you’re jealous

Joe: and I said, didn’t stop you, didn’t say you had to

Joe: what’s fun about something oozing and itching in your pants, that’s all

Ronnie: of what

Joe: of every boring ex I have or will ever have

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: get em in a room together and they aint even jealous of each other

Joe: I know

Joe: x2

Ronnie: you dont know shit mckenna

Joe: so today I’m green

Joe: not the know-it-all smug college kid

Joe: nice to know how to play it

Ronnie: smug is right whenever i aint gonna suck your dick cause you can read music

Joe: that’s all that’s stopping you?

Ronnie: nah remember its the death wish attention whoring & mommy issues

Ronnie: cant both be functioning junkies youd have fuck all else to get a boner about

Joe: how long have you been doing heroin

Ronnie: youve got loads of catching up to do

Joe: yeah, so I don’t know why you’re acting like I’m being high and mighty

Joe: it’s literally been days

Ronnie: cause you are

Joe: no I’m not, just ‘cos I’d rather not suck dick when I have the funds

Joe: would you do it if you had the cash, that’s just stupid

Ronnie: youve been comparing me to any & every cunt since we met

Joe: like you don’t shit on me any and every chance you get

Joe: you were acting like them, the whole none of my shit is real because yours is SO real, that’s her whole bit

Ronnie: you cant stop fucking doing it even now fucks sake

Ronnie: i shit on you for you its not like i have any cunt to compare you to

Joe: alright, if you’re that sensitive about it

Joe: I’ll really stop

Joe: there 🤐

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: nah, that was a dick move, alright

Joe: let me make it up to you

Ronnie: youre crying shes a patronising cunt guess what youre right there too

Joe: alright, I deserve that

Ronnie: drop dead

Ronnie: yeah its been days days of me giving you whatever the fuck you ask for

Joe: I know

Joe: so what do you want, seriously

Joe: I’ll do it, make it happen, whatever

Ronnie: like fuck can you make anything happen

Ronnie: youre like every other doss cunt i know theres your comparison

Joe: Probably am

Joe: but you’re the only person I’ve met who feels close to whatever the fuck I am

Joe: there’s the truth

Ronnie: whichever of your exes that worked on is more west than either of us

Joe: Oh I can easily be that dickhead and tell you how crazy they all were

Ronnie: go ed

Joe: the second to last one was the worst

Joe: full-on stalked and harassed the last one like, for no reason

Joe: she also messed with all my shit in a way she thought would send me into an OCD spiral because she didn’t get it

Joe: and when she started hooking up with some other kid she’d send me pics like I’d be 💔

Joe: that’s just after, that was all kind of amusing in a boring way, she was less amusing to be with but more mental

Ronnie: shouldve had some tips off her for the stalking bullshit its probably not too late to send her a dm

Ronnie: ones ive got from this is i dont have to bother learning the alphabet cos id be better off fucking with your record collection by smashing it up & child porn does fuck all for you

Joe: that is my thing, turning up uninvited to fuck everything up

Joe: she might go for it

Joe: exactly, both good to know, yeah 😏

Joe: all pretty basic and vanilla but still, annoying as shit

Ronnie: unless you can get me to do it for you yeah

Ronnie: dinners at what like 7

Joe: you’re gonna ruin my happy uni home?

Joe: oh no

Joe: be there be 7, eating at 8, apparently

Joe: time to ‘mingle’ as she put it which sounds suspicious af

Ronnie: fucking hell

Ronnie: thank christ i already hate you

Joe: saves times, energy less so

Joe: your mate is up for it, unless he’s a convincing liar, which I could see

Ronnie: what energy do you want name it theres gear thatll give us it

Ronnie: he is but i cant see the con shes got fuck all any cunt wants other than pasta shapes & mariahs likely on a diet

Joe: 🤤 and not over her appetizers, like

Joe: there’ll only be the 6 of us so we’ll need entertainment

Ronnie: lad flatmates bringing a bitch

Ronnie: shes gonna need something to get her through it or something she can use to end it

Joe: yeah he has a missus

Joe: even though him and Sophie belong together as the most average whitebread couple ever

Ronnie: make it happen then

Joe: where’s my bow and arrow

Joe: their 💘 ain’t my problem

Ronnie: you said you could do whatever and we needed entertainment

Ronnie: put all that money where your mouth is

Joe: you’re well sweet

Joe: you want her to be living her best life

Joe: dunno if I can hack being his shoulder to cry on in the interim

Ronnie: your teeth wont have time to rot before you choke on em talking to me like that

Joe: go on then

Ronnie: you owe me i dont owe you

Joe: I thought you’d ask for something better

Joe: but your loss

Ronnie: yours youre thinking about it

Joe: I get it, you want it to be hell living here

Ronnie: i dont wanna have to ask

Joe: for what

Ronnie: anything

Joe: why not

Ronnie: you think you can read my mind or some shit

Joe: I’d like to

Joe: and I think you get me, and yeah, I think I get you more than the bullshit mommy issues attention whore comment that was to get a reaction

Joe: I don’t think we’re twin flames just because we share some DNA, I’m not that kind of delusional, believe it or not

Ronnie: cause weve shared a needle though yeah

Joe: I get it, another kid with a habit, you’ve met hundreds

Joe: it is different though

Joe: tell me it isn’t

Ronnie: different cos its a habit you didnt have days ago

Joe: it’s not your fault

Joe: for good or bad

Joe: you didn’t spike me without asking

Ronnie: i didnt say that

Ronnie: i said thats why its different

Joe: yeah

Ronnie: nobody did any of this shit for me i dont know why im doing it for you

Joe: do you want to, or do you think you need to

Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter

Joe: you either fuck with me, you like fucking with me or you think you’ve got to protect me or some bollocks

Ronnie: protect you from the needle i stuck in your arm yeah that makes loads of sense

Joe: from getting a bad dose, being beat up by one of your dealers

Ronnie: i just wanted a front row seat

Ronnie: im not gonna get one when your family finds out

Joe: that’s fine by me

Joe: you reckon they’ll fly me home for an intervention then?

Joe: shouldn’t be surprising how oblivious they are

Ronnie: i dont care what they do to try & fix it youll be at rock bottom by then

Joe: they won’t try, they don’t

Joe: just because I weren’t shooting up doesn’t mean I haven’t been doing plenty other fucked shit for ages without it ever being a conversation

Joe: one of the kids that they took in, is a walking skeleton

Joe: can’t get her to eat, some reason don’t do anything but try to reason with her like she’s reasonable, never mind the rest

Ronnie: no shit they dont i was proof of it before you or her

Ronnie: in the same town with the same name she fucking gave me and still out of sight out of mind

Joe: precisely

Joe: so if you’re hoping fucking me up will get her to come about then you shouldn’t bother, honestly

Joe: save yourself that disappointment

Ronnie: it aint about her paying attention

Joe: good

Ronnie: you wanna know me i only want you to know what it feels like

Joe: then let’s do it

Ronnie: nah i was rem to reckon it was worth shit

Ronnie: it aint

Ronnie: you aint

Ronnie: youre never gonna have your head wrecked how mine is and i cant be arsed to put the time in fucking you up in the selfish special way i need when you keep pure loving it like

Joe: is that not indicative of how I’m already quite fucked enough

Joe: just because it’s not abandonment based

Joe: what normal cunt would love any of this, even contact you again after the first

Ronnie: fuck no

Ronnie: youre living your best life and it makes me wanna hang myself

Joe: Christ, you’re up yourself, aren’t you

Ronnie: &

Joe: you want me to roll my sleeves up again and show you the recent damage?

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: [pics]

Ronnie: [obvs gotta send him some back]

Joe: [a straight up new one like just did it]

Ronnie: [ofc she has to also like this is a competition]

Joe: [hope you started small so you have somewhere to go ‘cos the vibe]

Ronnie: [knowing y’all you didn’t but it won’t stop you and I will be forever on edge]

Joe: [so grim, don’t pass out]

Ronnie: [or end up needing stitches]

Joe: [probably do them yourselves, ick]

Joe: do you fucking get it yet

Ronnie: why do you care

Joe: why do you think

Ronnie: i keep telling you i dont

Joe: braindead sounds ideal

Ronnie: horse girl not about to suffocate you

Joe: she would if I let her, like

Joe: 🍈🍈

Ronnie: wait til theres a chance ill choke on my vomit next time christ

Joe: so lay back and I’ll tell you some more

Ronnie: ok go

Joe: [go on about Sophie in a way I shall not even bother but let us assume it is crude and rude af]

Ronnie: [we’re not into poor Soph but they clearly are]

Joe: [just fuck and get it out the way lads, so rude to everyone else rn]

Ronnie: [honestly, but hopefully at this dinner party because Jamie jealousy will be off the charts]

Joe: [Charlie gon have to keep quiet ‘til you home lmao]

Joe: Any luck?

Ronnie: got no pasta shapes in my system have i

Ronnie: but why the fuck are you not lurking to save me

Joe: you want me to swallow the bile for you then, okay

Joe: the last one looked deep

Ronnie: deep enough if you wanna pussy out and spit instead

Joe: I don’t

Joe: where are you

Ronnie: dorothys

Joe: he in?

Joe: if I have to show him it’s brotherly concern you’ll only die quicker

Ronnie: nosey cunt wouldve stopped me

Joe: Yeah

Joe: I can say sorry if you want or I can just come patch you up and not lie first

Ronnie: i dont need your help

Joe: I know

Joe: purely wanna save you for my own complex and to be loving life even harder

Ronnie: wank off about the sos from the other day thats it i cant top you carrying me out til the bleeding stops

Joe: I’m coming over

Joe: you’ve got time to lock the door if you really don’t want me to come in

Joe: can get my own shattered glass without breaking his windows

Ronnie: he must like you to have given you his address

Ronnie: but not enough to overshare the door dont lock cos i broke it 💔

Joe: or am I better stalker than you give credit

Joe: thanks for the tip, baby

Ronnie: youd have been waiting for me to get here not the other way round

Joe: You do want me to read your mind

Joe: maybe a lobotomy will help

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: reading your mind you want me to pass out before you fuck me but its not that deep

Joe: the wound or the vIbEzzZ

Ronnie: this your coming out cos you sound like charlie

Joe: just trying to turn you off, don’t want blood to gush out

Ronnie: liar youd be made up to see that

Joe: not hiding in the bushes yet

Joe: slow down

Ronnie: youre used to being the big brother i get it

Joe: Something like that

Ronnie: i know how to ride a bike without stabilisers or whatever the fuck

Joe: and tie your shoes

Joe: it’s alright, we’ve established I’m not a paedo

Joe: what can’t you do then

Ronnie: err what a nonce would say

Ronnie: read music we also fucking established

Joe: you teach me how to shoot myself up, I’ll teach you how to

Ronnie: not a fair swap i dont need to learn how

Joe: You don’t wanna be a babysitter either, so you’ve said

Ronnie: you dont like me any more or what

Joe: Of course I do

Joe: You got me my own dealer first

Ronnie: you asked me to 1st

Joe: How did I?

Ronnie: what else is ? for a plug without giving a fuck if ive rattled myself into a ditch

Joe: If I talked to you as much as I felt like

Joe: You’d tell me to fuck off more than you already do

Joe: I’ve got no clue where the line is, how much you want me to care

Ronnie: what line

Ronnie: i dont want you to care

Joe: Tough shit

Joe: I didn’t ask you to get me a dealer

Ronnie: you fucking did

Joe: I just didn’t wanna see you suck dick on my behalf, alright, that’s all

Joe: what you do for yourself is your business

Ronnie: calm down nothing i do is for you

Joe: 👌

Ronnie: dont call her then

Joe: you on commission?

Ronnie: 🖕

Joe: If I do, you’ll still have to see me

Ronnie: youll see me bleed out on the kitchen floor 1st

Joe: You’re a pro, I know you’re being overly-dramatic

Ronnie: at opening as many veins as itll take to not have to see you again yeah

Joe: to make me hurry*

Joe: I’m on the tube

Joe: you have to live in the middle of nowhere

Ronnie: no fixed address i told you

Joe: ❗️

Joe: if there’s a break-up or a thruple, you can have the extra room

Joe: makes sense now

Ronnie: it dont make sense you reckon we can afford any extras however far out

Joe: like you said, she’ll get homesick and chuck it in even if Marc won’t dump his girlfriend

Ronnie: if she does youll be homeless too like unless his missus is gonna cover the costs of the en suite for you

Joe: you can have my room, it’s the smallest

Joe: they can have the en-suite palace and I’ll take theirs, which is not next to the others 👌

Ronnie: not that youve thought loads about it

Joe: if you heard her disney playlist everyday, you’d think about it as well

Ronnie: id think about killing her or myself not a cosy little bed swap

Ronnie: shed never hack living with me nor would you

Joe: well that thought is never far from the front of my mind

Joe: if you need the bed, you know it’s yours

Ronnie: get it through your head i need fuck all from you

Joe: yeah, yeah

Ronnie: theres this way of living when youre not inside your ma in every possible sense course you aint heard about it

Joe: you need to prove you’re self-sufficient ‘cos no one’s ever given a shit about you but Charlie and the other one

Joe: I’m aware you’ve made it to your old age without me, you’re alright

Ronnie: i need to be it the only proofs im not dead yet baby

Ronnie: you need me to be old cos im not in a fucking coma & you cant get it up else

Joe: I’d rather be in the coma myself but you can be too

Joe: not calling dibs

Ronnie: oldest gets 1st dibs

Joe: *until the youngest cries about it so much you get told to give in to shut ‘em up

Ronnie: try me

Joe: you know you can’t hack my crying

Joe: does your head in SO much

Ronnie: save it for when you need lube or horse girl is gonna be coming after you with the leftover glue so you can never fucking leave her

Joe: come at you with the needle and sew us together, babe

Joe: unlucky

Ronnie: more than unlucky if i cant bust a stitch open to be the dead girl you want

Joe: you’re the dead girl I want already come on

Ronnie: til i teach you how to 💉 yourself

Joe: nah

Ronnie: 💘

Joe: looking well deformed these days, my one

Ronnie: could cut it out know youd be made up for the matching needlework

Joe: you play mad professor I’ll play corpse

Ronnie: long as i dont have to play nice

Joe: know what you take me for, actually, but no

Joe: obviously not

Ronnie: cant take you anywhere even if i did wanna

Joe: god imagine the dent in your street cred, sis

Ronnie: if i could cry i obviously would

Joe: repression or fucked tear ducts from all the 😭 you been doing

Ronnie: what im that baby faced youre taking me for a newborn now

Joe: nah, mr i don’t fuck kids here, remember

Joe: plus kids are always calling 999 by mistake and they’d get there before me

Joe: maybe, depends how many people have stabbed other people today

Ronnie: id have got the numbers up but ive been busy like

Joe: gotta make time for you, babes

Joe: it’s called self-care

Ronnie: ask me what with

Ronnie: shittest stalker ever you are

Joe: go on

Joe: school us

Ronnie: cant cry cos when i was linking you with a plug you dont want i was getting myself linked with your meds

Ronnie: best guess as a better stalker than you & less basic white girl than your crazy ex

Joe: 💡 fairplay

Joe: won’t tell you any other side-affects, see if you can guess ‘em right

Ronnie: i wasnt gonna take em but you want me to get you so bad

Joe: yeah misunderstood white boy is selling less these days

Joe: help a brother out

Ronnie: fuck all has happened so i probably cant

Joe: 💔 oh well

Joe: they’re nothing exciting, even though I managed to get the highest dosage they’ll do

Ronnie: maybe mines off for not giving you the benefit of the doubt when i could continue reckoning youre such a pussy

Joe: you’ll forget by tomorrow, no problem

Ronnie: neither brother is gonna let me if they walk in on me microdosing theyll reckon its a getting well party and get the deccies out

Joe: only so many times you can just kidding that ‘fore it gets old

Joe: we’ll go out, when I get there

Ronnie: where you kidnapping me to baby

Joe: I know enough to know it’s all wrong turns and blindfolds, not giving you a map

Ronnie: if its a&e no cunts finding your body even with a map

Joe: piss off

Ronnie: give us a clue

Joe: I’ll mark it with an X if you do me

Ronnie: if you ever fucking get here

Joe: if we were sewn together this wouldn’t be a problem

Ronnie: wanting to look like twins so nobodyll give a shit that you wanna fuck me would be something youd think about on the tube mckenna

Joe: they run in my old man’s DNA so have to look for those bastards instead

Joe: all I know about hers is addiction

Ronnie: course he does fuck alls your own idea

Ronnie: if hes got a sister even a meff nancy drew like youll be able to find bastards they had together

Joe: loads, Catholic, remember

Joe: twins kid is black though so process of elimination

Ronnie: cute how that runs in your family too like

Joe: guess so

Joe: not like it’s that crazy a concept

Ronnie: not like youve ever met an irish catholic who werent a saint yeah

Joe: it’s a fucked place to live

Joe: really third world in that respect

Ronnie: your real da is who you wanna look for if hes got no bastards going about its cos he cant knock anyone up

Joe: that your all men are pigs stance

Joe: alright courtney calm down

Joe: I’m out now anyway, don’t need a real mum or dad to come rescue us from the priests and that

Ronnie: nah its a fact unless his twin kept going up the backstreet or he was only sticking it in her other 2 holes

Joe: they didn’t really grow up together

Joe: he left when he was 15

Joe: maybe she was a late bloomer, happy days

Ronnie: 💔 your ma wasn’t then i wouldnt be here

Joe: no dig about how you’re dying now anyway ‘cos I’m taking so long?

Joe: you must be fading fast and not just being a dramatic bitch

Joe: good thing I’m in [wherever we ended up locating y’all] now

Ronnie: shut up i said its not that deep

Ronnie: youre the dramatic bitch legging it here for a fucking scratch

Joe: you wanted me to

Ronnie: you want to i dont give a shit

Joe: right, that’s what I meant

Ronnie: you can stop with the gay shit i told you hes not here

Joe: gays don’t own sarcasm

Ronnie: they own getting attached to cunts fast who dont care

Joe: awh, you being replaced rn?

Ronnie: horse girl wishes

Joe: Can’t catch a break or a man that one

Ronnie: after a pity fuck with you who knows what shed catch

Joe: you wanna infect her by-proxy, you’re so blatant

Ronnie: i shouldve got you to bring her my bloods everywhere

Joe: adding her puke to the mix would make it interesting, sure

Joe: bet she knows first aid

Ronnie: if youre too pussy to break my ribs yourself get back on the tube

Joe: threaten me with a good time

Ronnie: i just did

Joe: without meaning it, yeah

Ronnie: try and hurt me i mean it

Joe: [why do y’all always set the tension so high lads lmao, we know but]

Ronnie: [me and my boo here like calm down you can’t hook up yet but they are both like !!!!]

Joe: [shouldn’t have let you get on that train sir but you would so]

Ronnie: [I shouldn’t let her open her mouth ever but here we are]

Joe: [forreal lmao]

Ronnie: [gotta draw an x on him in her blood when he shows up before we can do a more permanent one however we are either as a scar or tattoo so soz for increasing the tension even more lol]

Joe: [just got to stare at her for ages and then shove her away very dramatically ‘cos you can’t, head through to whichever room she was bleeding in to assess/gawp at]

Ronnie: [she’s gotta lol like well if that’s the best you can do at trying to hurt me I’m not worried]

Joe: [‘whaddya use?’ and just going through this flat as if you’ve been here before/were invited by anyone but Ronnie vaguely because manners can’t matter when we’ve gone this far already]

Ronnie: ['what, you didn't

touch yourself enough on the tube?' but we are obvs showing him whatever we did use because it's just another way to flirt and we can use it to make that x happen so]

Joe: [shakes head ‘spill too much and they emergency stop’ and a look like do I look like I wanna be on a psychward but in a 😏 don’t answer that way, doing our own tallies with it, of course]

Ronnie: ['we're walking then' like where are you taking me don't get comfy bitch]

Joe: [little disbelieving lol like excuse me princess ‘your carriage was unavailable’

Ronnie: ['no shit the horse is dead busy']

Joe: [‘I ain’t taking you to a stable’]

Ronnie: ['that's where we ain't going, now tell me where the fuck we are' because we're like an excited kid about this]

Joe: [it’s cute and we clearly think so even if we’re distracting ourselves with this self-harm so we don’t go too far, unrelated but I haven’t thought where yous are going lmao but I’m vibing something London but something she wouldn’t have done, something music related, also if it has like, kid vibes, bonus, I’ll have to look so just keeping tight-lipped to be annoying and surveying the bloody carnage he’s now added to ‘you want to clean up?’]

Ronnie: [it'd be cute if there was something like thinktank but for music instead of science but idk if that exists anyways in answer to that question she's just gonna remove her top or whatever like yeah it do have blood on even though we know that's not what he means because we're still in a flirty mood despite how annoying his non reply is]

Joe: [that’s what I’m vibing but likewise have no idea, I’m sure there is shit though and you could find it Joseph, anyway, truly the this is fine meme about that ‘cos you can’t turn away 😳 but also boy don’t, moving like you’re gonna come close to her though]

Ronnie: [soz Charlie cos she shamelessly threw her top on the floor and isn't gonna clean up any of this blood even on herself like I literally should say she goes to the sink and then to get clean clothes but instead we all know she's just gonna take Joe's jacket or whatever and put that on, thank god he's all about the layers]

Joe: [god bless the grunge

aesthetic, ‘do you do it in front of him?’ and touching the cuts that are still showing ‘cos you know there’s some still, and it is like when and where do you do this when you do not have a room lmao]

Ronnie: ['yeah' leaving it up to him whether he wants to think it's in an attention whore way cos we're still annoyed at that call out lol but realistically it's just because of how long they've known each other and how they be living, she's not actively trying to upset Charlie that much most of the time]

Joe: [‘does he do it?’ ‘cos we can’t imagine it from the little we know but also can’t imagine him just chilling if he isn’t as fucked as them]

Ronnie: [the facial expression equivalent of his amused lol earlier because no]

Joe: [dropping it even though you find this odd like don’t worry boy, the tea is he is getting over it and wanting her to stop, pulling the jacket sleeve to take her out the door like come on]

Ronnie: ['he knows what'll happen if he tries to stop me' cos you can't tell me that when they were younger he didn't do exactly that and she went ballistic but more importantly HOW DARE YOU BOO because that is 1000% a Fraze move and I'm dead]

Joe: [yes I thought it was legit for a parallel, enjoy the long trip back to central guys]

Ronnie: [idk how we are gonna stop you hooking up to fill the time other than the other people in close proximity lol]

Joe: [maybe a uni/work obligation can come in and he has to go like legit ‘cos that’d kill this off]

Ronnie: [personally devastated that means an iou for this cute date but I love how fuming she would be at never finding out where they were going]

Ronnie: [not to mention the not at all casual and public domestic they’d have would be such a fat mood and show she cares when she’s literally like umm what the fuck do you mean you’re leaving]

Joe: [love how blatant we both are individually]

Ronnie: [hard same]

Joe: They sprung that rehearsal on us last minute

Joe: I already said, I’d give you the funds and you could go do whatever

Ronnie: and i told you to go fuck yourself

Ronnie: or your cello

Joe: I wouldn’t have wasted my time let alone yours if I knew that was gonna happen

Joe: how would you go about fucking a cello, exactly

Ronnie: waste more of your own time figuring it out its your raging hard on for it

Joe: I can’t not go

Joe: they make you sign a bloodoath when you get in basically

Joe: no excuses

Ronnie: youd have found an excuse fast enough if id stuck a needle in your arm

Joe: no, I wouldn’t, ‘cos it wasn’t an option

Joe: there was already enough damage to hide

Ronnie: i dont give a shit what options youve got

Joe: right, tell it to the crowd that amassed, they might believe you a tiny bit more than I do

Joe: I’ll make it up to you, okay

Ronnie: thats what soft cunts wanna hear when you cant hide no more & since you reckon you wont be getting forced into treatment you get to keep your gob shut for all that being sorry bullshit

Joe: make it into something it ain’t ‘cos you can’t hack hearing it

Ronnie: i dont wanna hear from you end of

Joe: alright

Joe: see you around then

Ronnie: 🖕

[overzne]

𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒕𝒔.

under  the  cut  are  21  different  plots  that  i  want  ,  all  separated  by  muse.  if  you  want  to  discuss  one  you  can  always  message  me  !!

WHITLEY  NAM  (  jennie  kim  fc  )

your  muse  and  whitley  tend  to  visit  the  same  place  often  but  she  always  ends  up  leaving  before  getting  the  opportunity  to  talk  to  them.  so  she  decides  to  leave  cute  sticky  notes  for  them  at  the  table  they  frequent  &.  maybe  your  muse  starts  to  write  back  ??  eventually  they  decide  to  meet  in  person  and  cue  the  cute  and  awkward  glances  and  the  “  wow  you’re  pretty  ”  compliments.  we  can  do  first  dates  ,  first  kisses  ,  them  talking  about  books  and  dreams.  please  just  give  this  to  me.

she’s  a  children’s  author  so  if  your  muse  by  chance  has  a  little  girl  /  sister  ,  maybe  they  could  like  her  books  so  much  that  she  drags  them  to  a  book  signing  where  they  can  meet  whitley  ??  she’d  adore  how  excited  the  girl  is  and  they  would  probably  hit  it  off.  meanwhile  your  muse  is  sitting  in  the  small  purple  chairs  filled  with  little  children  and  their  dolls  so  they  stand  out  ,  catching  her  attention.

HAN  CHANWOO (  park chanyeol fc  )

the  patient  /  nurse  plot.  your  muse  is  a  regular  --  which  is  weird  to  say  with  hospitals  --  who  always  ends  up  with  chanwoo.  at  first  he’s  always  upset  seeing  them  in  there  but  he  can’t  help  but  to  like  the  attention  ,  but  jeez  he’d  just  prefer  if  they  ask  for  his  number  instead  of  fake  dying  4  times  a  week.  so  he  asks  for  their  number  and  we  go  from  there.  (  if  anyone  out  there  had  a  tae  with  a  daughter  ,  please  give  this  back  to  me , xoxo  )

the  nurse  /  doctor  route.  he’s  been  with  one  before  but  that  fell  flat  so  he’s  been  dodging  dating  co - workers  to  save  himself  the  trouble.  however  ,  it  doesn’t  help  that  he’s  slowly  starting  to  fall  for  the  doctor  he’s  calling  his  best  friend.  imagine  chanwoo  staying  behind  at  work  late  hours  just  for  them  ,  buying  them  lunch  ,  blowing  up  their  phone  telling  them  to  stay  healthy  ,  the  sneaky  and  quick  pecks  on  the  lips.

BYUN DONGHYUK  (  kim  rowoon  fc  )

SUGAR BABY.  listen  ,  hear  me  out.  donghyuk has  no  idea  what  to  do  with  all  the  money  he’s  gotten  so  dummy  would  jokingly  sign  up  on  a  sugar  baby  website  and  see  how  may  requests  he  can  get  but --- wait  ,  i  know  this  person.  why  did  they  ask  me  to  be  their  sugar  daddy  ??  so  he  decides  to  meet  with  them  and  he’s  all  shy  and  timid  and  immediately  admits  that  he  has  no  clue  what  to  do  so  the  sugar  baby  shows  him  how  to  have  a  good  time  with  his  money.  it  can  turn  into  an  amazing  friendship  or  a  really  cute  relationship  but  i’m  here for  both.  like  imagine  them  taking  trips  and  the  matching  couple  outfits  but  they’re  just  friends  ??  iconic.

give  me  someone  who  is  blatantly  using  him  for  his  money.  like  the  best  friend  who  knows  that  donghyuk  would  be  willing  to  do  anything  for  them  so  they  take  advantage  and  start  making  his  pockets  hurt.  but  he’s  blinded  by  his  trust  for  them  to  even  notice.  imagine  the confrontation  ...  the  angst.  we  can  build  up  to  this  point.  shopping  trips  ,  the  subtle  usage  of  his  card,  etc.

i  want  the  plot  where  donghyuk  starts  to  hang  out  with  rich  assholes  who  influence  him  to  start  becoming  like  them.  maybe  it’s  someone  who  hung  out  with  the  rich  guys  before  he  came  around  but  they  saw  that  he  was  different  and  started  liking  him  ??  can  be  a  childhood  friend  who  warns  him  that  they’re  just  using  him  but  he  doesn’t  listen.  whatever  the  case  may  be  ,  they  start  to  notice  him  acting  different  which  can  lead  up  to  plenty  of  arguments  and  the  “it’s  me  or  them”  but  what  if  he  can’t  choose  ??  will  they  still  stay  ,  or  will  they  go.

PARK  YEEUN  (  yoo  shiah  fc  )

OLDER  WOMEN  !!!!!!!!!  give  me  the  plot  where  yeeun  is  secretly  helping  her  mother’s  worst  enemy  win  over  the  company.  give  me  the  late  night  meetups  in  hot  tubs  while  they  drink  champagne  and  talk  about  how  they’ll  drive  the  woman  out  once  and  for  all.  give  me  the  dirty  messages  being  sent  during  conferences  while  they  sit  across  from  each  other.  maybe  yeeun’s  being  used  and  this  can  lead  to  angst  ??  or  maybe  they  truly  do  love  each  other.

HWANG  YEBIN  (  son  naeun  fc  )

give  me  the  person  who  yebin  wants  to  change  for.  like  she’s  hellbent  on  making  their relationship  work  but  it  seems  like  god  isn’t  here  for  it.  every  time  she  really  tries  ,  things  turn  out  bad.  so  she  decides  to  breaks  things  off  before  she  hurts  them  because  everything  she  touches  goes  up  in  flames  and  that’s  the  last  thing  she  wants  for  them.  like  i  want  a  genuine  relationship  with  her  that  is  such  an  eye  opener  for  her.

the  best  friend  who  helps  yebin  do  dumb  shit.  like  picture  your  muse  being  the  lookout  while  she  slashes  someone  tires  or  throws  a  brick  through  her  ex’s  car  window.  they  probably  drink  wine  and  shit  talk  tv  shows  in  their  silk  pajamas  while  making  dating  websites  to  troll  single  men  OUHVWLMWECOWJEL.  +  bonus  :  one  day  they  end  up  sleeping  together  but  because  they  both  know  they’re  bad  at  relationships  it’s  just  for  fun  until  your  muse  goes  on  a  date  and  suddenly  they  see  yebin  standing  in  the  restaurant  window  with  the  glare  they’ve  seen  too  many  times  to  forget.

THIRD  CHAIYAPORN  (  win  metawin  fc  )

he’s  trying  his  best  and  your  muse  is  helping  him  do  that.  maybe  he  wants  to  get out  of  the  scamming  business  and  do  actual  work  but  ew ???  uniforms  ???  picture  them  helping  him  get  jobs  only  for  him  to  get  fired  on the  first  day  because  he  doesn’t  want  to  “ruin  his  beauty.”  your  muse  is  his  motivation  to  do  better  but  he  doesn’t  know  how  to  be  a  “normal”  person  since  he  grew  up  with  a  silver  spoon  in  his  mouth. think  of  the  surprise  dinners  he’d  make  after  learning  how  to  properly  cook.  him  giving  his  first  three  checks  from  his  most  stable  job  to  your  muse  to  show  appreciation. take  the  rich  boy  and  make  him  a  working  man !!!!!!

HOLLAND  CHOI  (  kim  yugyeom  fc  )

the  best  friend  who  can’t  believe  he’s  alive.  you  really  need  to  know  his  backstory  for  this  but  to  put  it  shortly  ,  holland  was  abducted  at  the  age of  8  and  his  case  ended  up  going  cold  after  the  police  assumed  he  died  in  the  fire  of  the  house  he  was  supposedly  trapped  in.  he  ended  up  finally  getting  free  at  the  age  of  20  and  returns  to  his  hometown.  imagine  he  goes  to  his  old  house  to  see  someone  standing  right  there  in  front  of  the  memorial  the  neighborhood  put  together  and  all  they  hear  is  “ i’m  finally  home ”  from  behind  them.  give  me  the  person  who’d  help  holland  adjust  to  life  again.  they  help  fight  off  bad  dreams  ,  they  reassure  him  of  things.  it’s  what  he  deserves.

the  first  relationship.  at  some  point  he  decides  to  try  out  this  whole  relationship  thing  because  he  feels  really  confident  in  himself  at  this  point  in  time.  like  it’d  be  adorable  until  they  try  to  hold  his  hand  and  he  freaks  out  a  bit  but  apologizes.  at  some  point  he’d  explain  his  situation  and  they  can  try  to  help  him  trust  better.  he’d  feel  bad  for  making  them  think  they’re  in  the  wrong  when  it  comes  to  certain  things  but  they’re  understanding  and  are  willing  to  take  things  as  slow  as  holland  wants.  like  i  just  want  the  adorable  shyness  of  him  getting  overdressed  for  a  date  ;  the  quick  peck  on  the  cheek  because  he  saw  them  sad  and  wanted  to  cheer  them  up.  i  just  want  a  slow  burn  tbh.

AUSTIN  BAE  (  kim  mingyu  fc  )

give  me  the  plot  where  he  ends  up  falling  for  his  first  male  co - star.  like  the  sex  was  amazing  and  all  but  it  was  the  little  kisses  and  tiny  care  during  it  that  made  him  go  “  yeah  i  want  this  guy.  ”  but  they  can  be  a  macho  pornstar  that  doesn’t  do  dating  so  he  settles  for  when  they  meet  on  set.  could  give  him  more  tips  on  sex  with  other  men  so  it  becomes  a  mentor  with  benefits  type  of  deal.  obviously  austin  is  gonna  catch  feelings  so  how  this  plays  out  is  all  up  to  you.

roommates.  PLEASE.  if  anybody  needs  dumbass  roommates  the  most  , it’s  austin.  like  i  want  gc  messages  where  they  just  all  fight  over  who  drunk  the  last  bit  of  orange  juice  in  the  fridge  and  someone  gets  kicked  out  the  chat  for  confessing  they  did  it.  i  want  the  game  nights  where  they  have  to  ban  uno  because  two  of  them  started  strangling  each  other  over  a  draw  4.  +  bonus :  two  of  them  start  dating  and  austin  starts  feeling  left  out  so  fuck  it  ! poly

JACKLYN  MOON  (  choi  yoona  fc  )

give  me  the  protector  plot  where  your  muse  was  hired  by  her  father  to  keep  her  safe  overseas  so  they  pretend  to  be  a  neighbor  and  befriend.  whether  she  knows  about  them  or  not  is  up  to  the  plot  but  imagine  her  not  knowing  her  dad  sent  someone  to  keep  an  eye  out  on  her  ??  they  could  end  up  becoming  good  friends  ,  they  always  end  up  having  dinner  at  the  other’s  place  ,  she  sends  them  memes  at  4  am  because  she’s  bored.  but  what  if  she  grows  romantic  feelings  so  they  have  to  confess  about  why  they’re  really  there.  +  bonus  :  they  end  up  sleeping  together  just  so  your  muse  can  go  “  so  i  work  for  your  dad  ...  round  2  ? ”

OR OR ORRRRR  ...  give  me  the  plot  where  she  does  know  that  they  work  for  her  dad.  she  starts  trying  to  dodge  them  from  following  her  but  fails.  they  plant  a  tracking  device  on  her  and  she’s  fuming  but  all  they  say  is  “it’s  your  dad’s  orders.”  at  some  point  she  drags  them  to  the  club  with  her  and  it’s  cute  until  they  get  into  a  fist  fight  with  someone  over  her  who  had  a  weapon  on  them.  she  scolds  them  for  nearly  getting  themselves  killed  but  all  they  say  “ i’d  rather  it  be  me  than  you”  and  she’s  mad  but  something  about  how  they  said  made  her  think  it  goes  beyond  their  job.  +  bonus  :  they  actually  had  feelings  for  one  another  before  she  was  shipped  off  so  they  took  the  job  to  watch  her  overseas  because  of  their  feelings.

KIM  EUNDONG  (  choi  yujin  fc  )

idk  if  y’all  watch  fatal  promise  on  kbs  but  god  if  you  have  ,  give  me  the  eundong  /  jihun  relationship  where  an  air - headed  rich  kid  who’s  trying  to  gain  their  father’s  attention  befriends  a  girl  who  is  trying  to  take  down  their  family  due  to  her  suspicions  that  they  killed  her  father.  like  imagine  them  growing  head  over  heels  for  her  but  she’s  strictly  keeping  it  cordial.  until  they  propose  to  get  married  so  she  ends  up  gaining  more  power  when  taking  down  her enemies. 

OH HAJOON  (  im  jaebeom  fc  )

the  ghost  writer  /  idol  relationship  ,  please  and  thank  you.  i  want  the  plot  where  hajoon  has  written  songs  for  a  certain  artist  /  group  since  their  debut  and  they  have  a  really  good  relationship  but  somehow  it  turns  romantic  ??  like  what  if  they  have  to  sing  a  confession  song  and  they  feel  like  hajoon  wrote  it  about  them  and  they  ask  who’s  it  about  and  hajoon’s  like  “ some  idiot  who’s  sitting  next  to  me ” so  now  there’s  late  night  recording  sessions  ending  up  with  making  out  in  the  recording  booth  and  subtle  hand  holding  when  no  one’s  looking.  it’s  all  fun  and  games  until  a  song  hajoon  writes  for  them  ends  up  becoming  a  single  when  he  never  allowed  it  to  be.  that  would  be  when  hajoon  leaves  the  company  and  becomes  a  lounge  singer  but  picture  your  muse  in  a  pr  relationship  stunt  and  they  go  out  one  night  just  to  see  hajoon  performing  and  whew  boy  ...  i  want  it.

HAN  JUNHYEOK  (  woo  dohwan  fc  )

i  want  the  hidden  relationship  between  the  important  person  in  the  company  and  their  assistant.  junhyeok  is  married  to  a  npc  but  obviously  that  was  for  show  since  they’re  both  just  trying  to  hide  their  fucked  up  ways.  meanwhile  his  assistant  starts  to  catch  his  eye  and  it’s  really  all  downhill  from  there  because  the  man  is  evil  and  will  somehow  fuck  up  their  life  but  he  doesn’t  want  to  do  that  ...  yet.  so  he  keeps  throwing  hints  that  he’s  interesting  but  it  isn’t  until  the  important  gala  event  that  they  notice  it  because  he’s  got  them  trapped  in  a  little  closet  with  a  hint  of  both  jealousy  and  lust  in  his  eyes.

SINCLAIR  KIM  (  lee  haechan  fc  )

i  want  the  best  friend  who  doesn’t  mind  going  on  this  adventure  with  sinclair  in  solving  his  mom’s  mystery.  like  i  want  the  goofy  duo  who  explores  abandon  super  markets  and  their  headquarters  is  a  raggedy  tree  house  in  sinclair’s  grandparent’s  backyard  that’s  so  close  to  falling  but  won’t.  i  want  them  hanging  out  on  a  playground  set  at  night  just  talking  about  anything.  give  me  the  bets  that  end  up  with  one  of  them  getting  injured  but  they  still  decide  to  do  them  ,  them  hanging  out  in  libraries  late  at  night  as  they  do  research  or  just  them  riding  a  bike  around  town  and  feeling  free.  +  bonus  :  they  both  end  up  getting  into  a  really  dangerous  situation  that  has  your  muse  hurt  to  the  point  where  he  realized  they’re  really  all  he  wants  in  his  life.

[ladymostdeject]

I Use My Outside Voice (Because I Have No Choice) Chapter 1

Hamilton hurried into his office, Thomas right behind him. He flung his briefcase back onto his desk, heedless of the laptop inside.

Hamilton didn’t even flinch at the noise, and he doubled back to close the door.

“Why does Washington always send you when he wants something from me? It’s like he thinks he can irritate me into submission.”

“Nobody sent me this time.”

Thomas rolled his eyes so hard his neck popped. “What do you want, Hamilton?”

“I need this bill passed. It’s stalled right now, and I need it passed.” He moved Thomas’ briefcase to get at the papers he’d left on the desk. He clutched them to his chest, face earnest.

“You’re talking about the bank bill?” he asked. Hamilton nodded and shifted on his feet nervously. “Why are you this wound up about it? It’s just a weird little regulatory bill. Those die in committee all the time.”

Hamilton puffed up his chest. “I wrote it.”

Thomas sighed so hard it almost hurt. “Of course you did.”

“It needs your support. If you support it, the other moderates will fall in line. Madison, Woodhall-”

“No.” Jefferson leaned back on his desk and crossed his arms.

“Okay, while that’s a compelling argument, I was really hoping for a little bit more back and forth. Is that all you really have to say?”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “No, I will not support that bill.”

Hamilton huffed, “Why not?! It doesn’t violate any of the major Republican Party stances, it doesn’t threaten you or Virginia in any way, it’s reducing certain banking regulations. Look right here, where it says-” Hamilton thrust a couple of the pages towards Thomas, who took them and promptly dropped them in the garbage.

Hamilton squawked. The mean little thing in Thomas’ chest purred.

“I can’t support it. Word has come down from on high, we have to object to anything y’all want. Doesn’t matter what it is. You can’t come down here anymore looking for compromises from the moderates, the answer is going to be no.”

“And you’re okay with that are you? Total gridlock for the next two years ?” he cried. No actually. It made Thomas sick. “It’s not the way things are supposed to work! We’re supposed to be making the country better!”

He circled back around his desk to give himself a moment. “I don’t know what to tell-”

“I didn’t know you were a coward!”

Thomas thought his patience was at its end already, but apparently it could stretch even thinner. He clutched his desk to keep from leaping over it and throttling Hamilton. “Fine! Do you want to know what I think? Even if I could help you I wouldn’t. It’s a bad bill. It is way too long. It looks like you’re trying to hide something in all that circular language.”

“It is not circular! Or too long! It’s exactly as long as it needs to be! It’s thorough and precise!” He gestured wildly.

“It needs to be about fifty thousand words shorter.” Thomas was starting to get his second wind. He had forgotten how much fun it was to wind up the other man.

“Fifty-” he sputtered. “That’s half of it!”

“And another thing, it puts an outrageous demand on an already strained system.”

“No, it utilizes a system that’s already in place to-”

“Also, if you really want bipartisan support, you need to remove the clause about omegas.”

Hamilton looked thunderous before, but suddenly he looked downright deadly. “I will not,” he growled. “That clause removes a century old system of oppression.”

Thomas shrugged. “You wanted my opinion.”

“I want your vote.”

He threw up his hands in exasperation. “You can’t have it! Just wait until the next time you have a congressional majority. That’s apparently how it works now. My god, Hamilton, learn some tact! You stormed in here demanding my help, you’ve shouted at me, and you’ve argued with every one of my suggestions. You can’t just strong-arm everyone into doing whatever you want. You’ll never get elected if this is the most diplomatic you can be!”

Something he said struck Hamilton hard. He looked gutted, and sounded hollow when he said, “I’m never going to get elected. That’s why I need to pass this bill.”

Thomas grimaced. “Oh, for- I didn’t mean right now, obviously. I meant that in the future, you need a good lesson on how to talk to humans beings, not that-”

“No. I’m retiring,” he spat like it was the filthiest word he knew.

Thomas surprised himself by laughing. It was a deep, belly laugh. “Sure from the White House staff, but we all know you'll move on to something else. The House maybe? Hamilton, you and I both know you're never going to truly retire. You're going to die at age 97 on the Senate floor after thoroughly dressing down Congress.”

Hamilton collapsed into the chair by the desk like his strings had been cut. “No, I’ve got two years.” Thomas opened his mouth to refute such a blatant lie, but he plowed on, “I'll never be able to successfully win any election, because that requires people to like you. Nobody likes me. No. I am un-electable. If I’m going to make my mark, I’ve got to do it now, while I’ve still got Washington backing me. Even if all I can do is write a weird little bank bill.”

Thomas feels ice crawl down his back, and even though he's never even considered it before, he suddenly knows it’s true. There's a handful of omegas in congress, but every single one is cute. Wholesome. Quiet. Every single one has a wife or husband and a gaggle of children. Hamilton has none of those things. He has a loud mouth and huge opinions and an inability to keep those opinions to himself. Most damning of all in the court of public opinion, he has a list of ex-lovers as long as his arm. He's not the kind of omega people like to see on TV.

“Moreover, I have very few positive connections. There is no one else who would be willing to hire me after we’re done in the White House. I make enemies everywhere I go. I have what I have because Washington trusts me. Sees what I can do. I've worked for him for twenty years. And in the beginning, I even had to fight for him to give me my due. I've been clinging to his coattails. I may be able to get some bullshit job to pay the bills after our term ends but probably never in politics again and definitely never somewhere with as much influence as I have now. I have fought tooth and nail for every single thing I have, and I've reached the end. I've peaked, and there's nowhere else for me to go. No, when George retires, so do I.”

Thomas feels the world shift beneath his feet. He'd never even considered Hamilton's future. He's never given a thought to how his gender might affect his career. He just assumed he'd always be hanging around DC, stirring up trouble and bothering everyone within hearing range. And if he'd been a beta, or hell, an alpha, Jefferson was positive Hamilton would be a thorn in his side until his dying day. But omegas get married, they have children, and then they leave the workforce.

He racked his brain for an omega that's over 40 still working in DC. He comes up with that same tragically short list of senators and representatives he'd thought of earlier. He thinks about the secretaries and assistants and baristas he sees around town. Every single one is a cute young thing, flirty and sweet the second they catch on that he's an unbonded alpha. Where do all the omegas go?

Surely they're not all chained to their stoves. They run charities and volunteer at hospitals, but are never on the payroll. They hang demurely on the arms of the people he rubs elbows with. They are mothers, PTA members, and soccer team chauffeurs. His own mother had never worked a day in her life.

But what if she had wanted to? She was brilliant, always keeping his father on his toes with their lively dinner debates. Would she have been happier with a career? How is this never a question he'd asked her when she was alive? How is this not a question he'd asked himself?

He's suddenly ashamed that he's 45 years old, and he just learned something so new and so big. He doubts she could have just gone out and gotten a job, certainly not one worthy of her intellect. Not back then, but if what Hamilton is saying is true, then maybe not even now.

Things are supposed to be different. It’s illegal to fire an omega when they get married or pregnant. It's illegal to discriminate against them during the hiring or promotion process. And before this very moment Thomas had never once considered the omega population's lack of upward mobility might not be due to genetic temperament and lack of desire.

But Hamilton certainly doesn't seem inclined to find a mate and settle down. And it's not that Thomas forgets he's an omega, it's just that it’s a lot easier to lump him in with the betas and alphas he knows. He's irritatingly bursting with ambition and pride. And if Hamilton can't have the career he deserves, how many other omegas are trapped in lives they don't want?  Not everyone has the strength of will to fly in the face of hundreds of years of social conditioning, middle fingers held high, verbal abuse cocked and loaded. Not everyone has the fortitude to claw their way to the top. He has been blind. Worse than that, he's been stupid. He stumbled over to his desk chair and collapsed much like Hamilton had.

What was that clause in the bill about omegas? Something about removing the forty-eight hour wait period on omega’s requesting large withdrawals from their bank accounts without an alpha or beta’s co-signature? And removing the bank’s ability to vet the purpose of the withdrawal and deny the withdrawal if they deem it irresponsible.

Everyone knows that omegas are bad with money, and poor at resisting temptation. That law is there for their protection. To keep them from-

The scent of distressed omega finally registers through his haze of thoughts, a citrus-y tang overpowering his usual sweetness. Because Hamilton is an omega. The omega White House Communications Director wrote a comprehensive bill about bank regulations. And while the man himself is very controversial (and exhausting), with his fighting and his Twitter tangents and mile long list of exes, he has the ear and the unwavering trust of the leader of the free world. If the goddamn White House Communications Director wants to withdraw a substantial sum of his own money, he has to ask the bank nicely.

“Jesus, Jefferson.” Hamilton was smirking. Why was he smirking, didn’t he know Thomas’ whole system of beliefs is a lie? “I didn’t realize the thought of me retiring would be so upsetting. Are you gonna miss me?” Read the rest of Chapter One Here

[crimsonbluemoon]

Working For Love: A Terrormoo Story, 3/17

Look! I did it on a Saturday! Aren’t you proud of me?? Hope you enjoy it!

Previous part

Start from the beginning

Drabble Three

Brock hated Wednesdays. 

Or rather, he felt Wednesdays had it out for him. They were the longest shift of his week, for starters. The weekly team meeting was pointless, the students were always cranky, and somehow mid-term grades always ended up being due on a Wednesday. 

Like today, for example, which was why Brock was showing up at the gym two hours later than normal. It was also the busiest day at the gym, and despite every effort he tried to use to get himself up in the morning to go early, he never managed it. Though there was a light at the end of the tunnel coming up (the school’s spring break started Friday), it didn’t give Brock any extra motivation to haul himself out of his car in order to enter the gym. Even from outside, he could see that the gym was packed. His anxiety about working out around people had waned a bit since the first time he’d mustered the courage to go to the gym, and he’d even been able to exchange small conversation with both Evan and Tyler (on the rare occasion the owner scanned him in). He’d been able to avoid the hot gym guy since his last two ‘run-ins’, over two weeks since he’d seen any hint of him. 

But when Brock entered the gym and caught sight of the handsome employee, he felt the breath evacuate his lungs in a rush. 

“Oh.” The word barely came out as a whisper, eyes glued to the man casually scrolling through his phone at the counter. “Of course. It’s Wednesday.” 

Hump day really had it out for him.

His hand tightened on his water bottler out of reflex, wondering if he’d catch more attention walking out as soon as he walked in. The guy would see him, and it’d just make Brock’s desperate need to avoid any contact with him even more obvious. But what else was he going to do? As far as Brock could see, Evan and Tyler were nowhere to be found, and Nogla didn’t work weekdays. He needed to get scanned in to use the gym, and he didn’t want to skip. Despite still carrying around a lump of insecurity and self-deprecation (he didn’t like looking in mirrors for long, even if the scales implied he’d lost ten pounds), coming to the gym was a second nature to him now. And more importantly, it made him feel good. Smiling didn’t feel as forced anymore. Despite the increased amount of laundry and sore muscles, he didn’t need as many pep talks to get out of his car. The improvements were small, but they meant something. He meant something. 

And it didn’t matter if hot gym guy failed to see the truth, because Brock was better than that. 

“Um, hello.” Except all the false bravado was quick to take a nosedive when finally forcing himself to approach the front desk. He wasn’t even sure his voice had carried enough to catch the distracted man’s attention, and he bit his lip to keep his anxiety from shouting out another greeting. Barely a moment passed before he was caught in the man’s surprised stare, and mentally Brock cursed at himself for feeling the heat start to swell in his face. How did something as simple as a look cause a chain reaction in him so quickly? The guy hadn’t even said anything yet! Brock prayed the embarrassment wasn’t too obvious as he swallowed and held up his card, his smile as shaky as the breath he let out. “I just… can you scan me in, please?”

“Scan you- oh! Right, yeah, fuck just lemme-” The card was plucked from Brock’s fingers as the employee ran the barcode under the red light, his eyes only pulling away from Brock to look at the screen. He hadn’t meant to watch the other man so intently, but he was grateful for it when he caught the small dip of shoulders paired with a laugh. “Brock, huh? So that’s your name.” 

“Is… that a problem?” He fought the urge to snatch the card from the other’s hand and high-tail it out of the gym. Though there was no reason for Brock to be so on edge at the moment, his spine wouldn’t relax and his skin felt hot. 

“No, not at all. It’s a great name, just- I’ve been trying to figure it out.” The admission came out with such ease, Brock wasn’t sure he heard it correctly. But with the sheepish grin and shoulder shrug sent his way, that seemed unlikely. “I was bout’ to go through the entire database to figure it out.” 

“Did you need to contact me for something with my membership card?” His logical and emotional brain waged war over how dumb the question was. When hot gym guy showed confusion and shook his head, Brock leaned to ‘very very dumb please stop talking’. Nogla worked here; if they needed anything, why would they send hot gym guy? He spoke to his landlord that morning! Where did his brain go? Brock’s laugh was higher than normal to cover his panic, and he wanted to steal the time stone from Doctor Strange just to erase the past sixty seconds.

“Just wanted to know your name.” Despite his internal panic, hot gym guy didn’t seem bothered, and the smile he’d given once learning his name only grew in size. “If you’re going to be around a lot, I thought we should probably be on a first name basis. My plan was to say hi during one of your workouts, but you always look so focused and I didn’t wanna distract you.” 

“Sorry!” He blurted out the apology with a wince. The pieces of the truth started to fall into place. Of course this guy wanted to know who he was; he was causing some sort of scene. The fact that the employee had to reach out to him because he’d noticed Brock’s weird routine was terrible. Had he started singing again? Mini has always teased him in high school about humming or mouthing lyrics whenever he was focused on something. Had that transferred to the new task, too?  

“Sorry for what? Impressing me?” 

“W-what?” 

“Because if I’m being honest, you’re really inspiring to watch.” The genuine shine in the blue hue proved he meant what he said, and the hot gym guy nodded his head toward Brock’s favorite treadmill. “Everytime I get to see you working up a sweat over there, it makes me wanna go hit the weights or work harder on my leg lifts.”

“How? You’re in such good shape and I’m-” Too many negative words filled his head as he stared at the frown that took over the other’s mouth. He didn’t know what word to describe himself with, but he wasn’t given time to decide. 

“You don’t have to be a bodybuilder to be a motivation. Just showing you’re not giving up is better than any of them roid rage idiots always showing off their muscles. You’re like my pick-me-up, if that makes sense. Real and dedicated. And that’s why I wanted to learn your name.”

“Oh, wow I…” To say the explanation was unexpected would have been an understatement, and Brock couldn’t keep his shock off his face. The heat of a blush rose onto his cheeks again, but he didn’t try to hide it. It felt wrong to cover up his genuine reaction when the gym member’s words were said with such vulnerable honesty. The chuckle he got in response was low but not malicious, and he needed to blink twice before realizing his membership card was being held out for him to take. “Um, thanks. For both of those things.”

“Not a problem, Brock.” It seemed like the man enjoyed saying his name now that he knew it, leaning forward over the counter with a smirk. “And if you need anything, don’t hesitate to come get me, okay? I know this place like the back of my hand, so I can pretty much tell you anything you want to know.”

“I-I’ll be fine!” His mind shifted far too fast to something he wanted to do with this man, though barbells stance and row stations had little to do with it. 

Fighting a new blush for his internal lewdness, Brock rushed through a goodbye before he moved away from the desk, hoping the snicker he heard behind him wasn’t because of his quick retreat. He set himself up onto the treadmill and selected his choices before finally caving in to his impulses, turning a side glance over his shoulder. Sure enough, hot gym guy was looking at him, leaned on the frontdesk with no hint of mockery. Brock nearly busted his eardrum from shoving in his headphones too hard when ducking his head, knowing his mind was far too frazzled to fully concentrate on his walk. The music played background noise to his thoughts, which raced and ricocheted in every crevice of his head. Emotions scattered like marbles through his veins, able to slip through any attempt to grasp onto one for dissection. What was he supposed to do when someone like hot gym guy said-

And then suddenly, his chaotic mind jammed to a halt on one mind-blowing thought.

I never asked for his name. 

Panicked, Brock looked back at the front desk, seeing the man in question back on his phone. He could catch the outline of the nametag on his chest, but from how far he was, there wasn’t a clear sight on what the letters said. And he couldn’t go back over there now; he’d just ran away! Hot gym guy would think he was crazy. 

“Just look when you leave,” he muttered to himself, trying to keep his focus on the treadmill in front of him. Not once during his workout did he give into his urge to look over at the front desk. He blared his music loudly and kept his eyes trained on the moose documentary playing on the screen. So focused, he didn’t notice Evan switch out with the other man until after said guy was gone. Too embarrassed (and worried he’d look like a stalker) to ask Evan his co-worker’s name, Brock muttered a weak goodbye before shoving himself into his car and driving home.  

He really hated Wednesdays.

Brock is such a spirit animal. I feel him too much. But I hope you all enjoyed the drabble, cause this was a cute one to write! Please let me know what you think, and I’ll see y’all next week. As always, like and reblog! <3

[contrabandhothead]

hi! i enjoy the ships people do for band of brothers and saw yours was open! ☺️ im 5’5” with blue-grey eyes and i have slightly brown curly hair with freckles and dimples when i smile on both cheeks. i love to laugh and smile, and be generally just happy bc i have the most fun that way. im also very clumsy, like i trip over air of up the stairs but what else is knew :) im a loyal friend and i listen to my friends we all when they tell me things. i love art and the color yellow as well! 💛🌻

Shifty Powers

THIS IS SO STINKIN PURE

GAAAAAHHHH

you guys are similar in sooooo many ways

I feel like that’s what makes you guys work 

you didn’t really mention if you’re confrontational, but Shifty is definitely not so you guys pretty much NEVER fight 

y’all are couple goals and I will state that right now 

support each other through LITERALLY EVERYTHING 

you’re both rays of sunshine 

a blessing to this Earth

you’re always there to comfort Shifty whenever he’s feeling down 

he always has his moments where he’s stressed (because let’s be for real, being a sniper is stressful), or he doesn’t know how to feel because he just shot someone 

he felt like they could’ve lived such a long life and he took that away from them

 but he didn’t have any other choice

he beats himself up a lot so just... be there for him please

you were so excited when you learned that he was going home 

you were gonna miss him, but it was so much safer in the states than in some war-torn European country 

Shifty was so excited to go home as well 

but he was also so upset

he knew you’d be living through another war without him 

he begged, literally BEGGED his superior officers to try and get you home as soon as possible 

he didn’t want to lose you right after he just got you 

you guys corresponded a lot through letters over the next few months 

you almost lost it when his first letter came, detailing how he was in the hospital recovering from an accident 

apparently something happened with the vehicle he was in 

thankfully he was alive and getting better

the Easy men wanted to send you home so bad, they knew how much you missed him 

war was taking a toll on you, and they could see their little sunshine start to fade 

when the war was over, you finally went home 

Shifty was the first person you saw stepping off the train home 

you’d never been happier to see him in your life 

he thinks its cute that you’re clumsy, but he gets worried sometimes 

he’s always worried that accidentally cut yourself with a knife while trying to slice some fruit or something 

he’s just a worry wart, you’re fine 

he admires your loyalty to your friends

i feel like he actually becomes apart of your friend group after a while 

like your friends just want him around because he’s so sweet and you’re so cute together

you definitely call him Darrel

the only people that call him that are his mom, dad, and you 

he gives, like, one of the best hugs out of all of Easy Co. 

your shared bedroom is painted yellow and is decorated with some of your art

he always brings home a fresh bouquet of sunflowers every Friday when he comes home from work 

they sit on your dining room table 

how you two met 

you guys obviously met in Easy Co. 

you were actually previously apart of Dog Co. but they transferred you after D-Day because they needed more snipers with Easy 

This man was.... a stuttering mess to say the least when he first met you 

he didn’t stop calling you ma’am for so long (we love a respectful king) 

you guys eventually grew closer as you both had the same position

you always had each others’s backs (literally) 

Shifty protected you from enemy fire just as much as you protected him 

you guys actually shared the same foxhole at one point 

Dike didn’t like that, the same way he didn’t like Roe and Spina sharing a foxhole 

he kept mumbling on and on about how “two snipers in the same foxhole... leave it to those idiots to die in the same hole together” 

which is just f*cking RiCh coming from this man-

Shifty and you grew closer 

he’d let you read his letters from back home 

always would ask you how your family was doing when the mail came 

genuinely just a sweet guy 

he wanted to make you happy, he really did 

but getting into a relationship during the middle of a war is a TERRIBLE idea 

either of you could die at any minute, and Shifty knew that 

one day Shifty had a close call with a rival sniper, and he knew that if he didn’t ask you out now that he’d regret not doing it when he died 

he asked you out very traditionally 

alone and away from the other guys

he even gave you flowers that he picked from a meadow 

you said yes (obviously) and before you even knew it, you were wrapped in his arms 

I’m really sorry all these requests are taking so long. You sound like an amazing person! I hope you have a lovely day (or night)!❤︎

[atc74]

Watching You - The Epilogue

Square(s) Filled: Michael for @heavenandhellbingo, Character Death for @spngenrebingo

Warnings: Fluff, drinking, a wedding, angst, more angst and some more angst. Major character death

Summary: Almost a year has passed since Y/N learned that her boyfriend’s brother was her stalker. With time comes healing and Y/N and Sam are ready to take the next step. But is anything ever really over?

Pairing:  Coach/Teacher!Sam x Coach!Reader

Characters: Y/N Y/L/N, Sam Winchester, Michael Shurley, Dean Winchester (mentioned), Bobby Singer, Jody Mills, Alex Jones, Rufus Turner, Ellen Harvelle, Jo Harvelle (mentioned), Donna Hanscum

Word Count: 6025 (I apologize for nothing)

Written for: @heavenandhellbingo and @spngenrebingo

Beta’d by: @amanda-teaches​ with whom I have realized I have an abusive and co-dependent relationship with. As my beta, she makes me a better writer and in turn, I punch her right in the feels but she still loves me, and for this I am forever grateful and love her back. (No, I am not making light of abusive relationships, having been in one, it’s an analogy people).  And to @alleiradayne, for her unwavering support.

A/N: This is the third and FINAL (yes, final) installment of Watching You (CATCH UP NOW). I wasn’t completely satisfied with the original ending. Although I am very proud of it, I just felt it was lacking some finality and @amanda-teaches convinced me to finish it to my liking, because every once in a great while, I crave giving you guys something that is very much ‘not me’ and drawing a new emotion from you is my oxygen! I hope you like it, too!

Looking for the next level fan experience? Check out Sam’s or Dean’s scent now! Buy it here from @scentsfromthebunker!

Y/N sat in her office. It was a quiet Friday at the school, for once, and she was taking advantage of the peace. Sam was at a Cross Country meet and wouldn’t be home for a couple more hours, so she had time to prepare for their next volleyball game. 

The first month or two of her relationship with Sam had its ups and downs, especially when it turned out his brother was her stalker and intended to kill her because he believed he would lose Sam to her. Things between her and Sam had been a little touch and go immediately following Dean’s confession. But since the trial, it had been smooth sailing and she had never been happier.

She decided to call it an early day to get home before Sam and needed to make a few stops on her way home. 

Her phone rang as she was loading groceries into her car. “Hello, Handsome.” 

“Hey, gorgeous,” Sam drawled on the other end. “Whatchya up to?” 

“Just leaving the market and heading home. How was the meet?” She smiled, hearing the mischief in his voice. 

“Great! Katie and Josh both finished first!” He exclaimed. “I’m on my way home and I want to celebrate!” 

“I can get on board with that!” she agreed. “See you there.” 

“Bye, beautiful.”

~*~

“So, what’s the occasion?” Y/N asked over a simple dinner of steak and potatoes later that night. 

“Well, my kids won today. Your girls are going to win on Monday,” he explained, pausing. “And, it has been exactly one year since our first date.” 

“Sam,” she gasped. “You remembered?” 

“How could I forget? The most incredible, stunning creature asked out this awkward giant after he admitted he was horrible with the ladies,” Sam smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to her lips. 

“Stop,” she giggled, allowing him to pull her up and into his arms. 

“I know our first few months were a little tumultuous, to say the least, but we’re healing, and I have never been happier. Coming home to you each night is the greatest thing in the world,” Sam proclaimed. “If only you could make my next dream come true...” 

Y/N was a sap for Sam and she fell right into his trap. “Baby, I always want to make your dreams come true.” 

“Then marry me,” Sam stated. He held up an impressive antique style solitaire diamond ring. 

Y/N could see he was nervous as the ring shook in his hand, sending prisms sparkling along their dining room walls. She understood how he felt, her own stomach had erupted in a swarm of butterflies. She held out her hand to him. “Yes.”

Sam slipped the gemstone on her finger. 

“Sam, it’s gorgeous,” she whispered.

“Nothing will ever be as beautiful as you are. I promise to always protect you,” he vowed, pulling her in, brushing his lips over hers. The kiss started much like their first, sweet and a little shy, both of them thinking about their future together. But, much like the last year, it quickly morphed into something solid and heated. 

Sam lifted her, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, as he carried her to the living room, laying her gently on the sofa. Clothing was stripped and tossed away to be worried about later. Promises of what was to come mingled with their moans and heavy breath. Promises of a family and a future. 

“We should call Bobby and Jody,” she remarked later that evening, Sam wrapped around her from behind, her favorite blanket concealing their nudity. 

“There’s plenty of time for that,” Sam said. “Do you want to set a date first?” 

“As soon as we can,” she chirped, turning her head to look at him over her shoulder. 

“A wedding takes planning, Y/N.” 

“No, an event takes planning, Sam. Bobby, Jody and Alex are basically the only family we have. We have a few friends from work, but that’s about it. We could set this up inside a month,” she insisted. 

“Are you pregnant?” Sam blurted out. 

“What? No!” She laughed. “But I don’t want to wait, Sam. Besides, the sooner you make an honest woman out of me, the sooner I can be.” 

“Well, I do think I’ll like that,” Sam moaned in her ear. 

“Later, Romeo. Let’s start making a list and maybe we can knock out a few tasks tomorrow,” she insisted. “But we’re telling Bobby and Jody in the morning.” 

“Fine, but we’re going for a run first thing, then you’re making breakfast,” Sam teased. 

“How about loser makes breakfast?” she taunted.

“I’ll take that bet,” Sam grabbed her, crashing his lips to hers to seal the deal. 

~*~

“A Winchester shows up at my door with a pretty girl and a bag of pastries…” Bobby grumbled. “It sounds like the start of a really bad joke.” 

“How about a pretty girl shows up at your door with a bag of pastries and a Winchester?” Y/N laughed as she hugged Bobby. 

“I like that a lot better,” he replied. “So what do I owe the pleasure so early on a Saturday?”

“Bobby, it’s almost noon,” Sam chastised. 

“And some of us ain’t getting any younger. Plus, I had a job last night,” Bobby yawned, pouring another coffee for himself, plus two for Y/N and Sam. 

“We wanted to ask you something. Well, two somethings,” Y/N started. “Where’s Jody?”

“Right here, honey,” Jody turned the corner, a smile on her face seeing the two of them in her kitchen. “What’s up?” 

“Sam and I are getting married!” Y/N squealed, holding her hand out to show them her ring. 

Jody hugged Y/N tightly, so happy for her young friend. Bobby smacked Sam in the back of the head. “Don’t screw it up, ya idjit.” 

“I won’t, Bobby,” Sam promised, gazing over at his soon to be wife, a smile splitting his face. 

“I wanted to ask if we could hold the wedding in your yard? Jody, your gardens are so beautiful and I couldn’t imagine starting the rest of my life with Sam anywhere else,” Y/N explained, her smile hopeful. 

“Of course you can,” Jody agreed. “I’d be honored.” 

“And, Bobby?” Y/N turned to face the man she had come to admire and love over the last several months. “Would you give me away?” 

“It would be my pleasure, girl,” Bobby smiled for once. “Now come ‘ere.” He stood and wrapped his arms tightly around the girl he had come to love as if she were his own. 

“So, did you set a date yet?” Jody asked.

“September 28,” Y/N replied quietly, turning to Sam. 

“We’ve got a whole year to get the planning done,” Jody started rambling. “Bobby, we can finally add that gazebo and koi pond I’ve wanted…” Jody pondered aloud, taking a sip of coffee. 

“September 28 this year, Jody.”  

Jody nearly choked, coffee sputtering from her mouth as she coughed. “What?!” 

“I’m so sorry!” Y/N stood to grab a towel. 

“That’s in three weeks!” Bobby hollered. 

“Yes, it is. But we talked a lot about this last night. It’s going to be a small affair, less than twenty people. We can easily throw together everything quickly, and we already met with a caterer that can make it work,” Y/N reasoned. 

“”Well, then, let’s go take a look and see what y’all wanna do,” Bobby suggested. 

After walking around the house and yard, Y/N had decided where to set up the altar and, with Jody’s help, the tables and chairs for the reception. 

“Uh, what are you doing?” Alex’s voice carried through the backyard. 

“We’re getting married!” Y/N shouted. Alex ran towards her, hugging her tightly as the women jumped up and down together in the yard. 

“Fools,” Bobby gumbled. 

“I think it’s adorable,” Sam smiled, looking at his fiancee and friend. 

“Yeah, but you’re in love with one of ‘em. I gotta live with the other one,” Bobby clucked.

The girls left to go dress shopping leaving Sam and Bobby to their own devices.

“What’s on your mind, boy?” Bobby asked. 

“You could always read me like a book, Bobby.” Sam laughed. “I got this idea, but I might need your help.” 

“Well, let’s take a look at this idea of yours then,” Bobby stood and walked toward his pole barn. He stopped by an ancient fridge and pulled out two beers, handing one to Sam. “Something tells me I’m gonna need this.” 

~*~

Tables had been set up and a dance floor had been constructed in Bobby and Jody’s backyard. From the bedroom window, it looked like a fairy party. Y/N had decided to stay with Bobby and Jody the night before the wedding and Sam would remain at home. She couldn’t wait to marry him. Turning down the bed, she crawled in before calling him to say goodnight, even though they had only parted less than an hour before. She had barely said goodbye before she fell asleep, dreaming of her future with Sam. 

~*~

The smell of coffee and bacon woke her the next morning. Stretching long in her bed, Y/N threw the covers aside and shuffled to the bathroom. She exited a few minutes later, hair in a mess atop her head, and followed her nose to the kitchen. 

“Happy wedding day!” Jody greeted her excitedly with a steaming mug. “Have a seat, breakfast is almost ready.”

“Thanks Jody,” she smiled back at the woman she had grown so fond of over the last year. “Flowers should be here by eleven and the food and cakes about four.” 

“Girl, don’t you worry. I got this handled. Your only job is to get all pretty and show up on time,” Bobby grinned ear to ear at her over his coffee.

“I really can’t thank you guys enough. For, well, everything.” Y/N gave them both knowing looks as Jody set pancakes and bacon on the table. 

“Eat up!” Jody announced. “Big breakfast and we’ll have a light lunch in your room about two while you’re getting ready.” 

“I’m so stoked for today! It’s like that nervous feeling I always get before a big game, but I know everything is going to go my way, ya know?” Y/N laughed, piling food on her plate. 

“Today is going to be a great day!” Alex declared, taking a seat at the table. Breakfast was a  jovial affair as they chatted about the day’s events.

The morning passed quickly as Y/N bathed and pampered herself before Alex returned to do her hair. She sat at the dressing table, rubbing her favorite lotion into her smoothed skin, when a knock sounded at the door. “Come in.” 

“Hey,” Alex greeted her as she rushed across the room, pulling the curtains closed. 

“What are you doing?” Y/N asked suspiciously. 

“Um, Pops made me do it. Just promise you won’t look out the windows. Sam’ll kill me if you do,” Alex pleaded. 

“Is he here? Can I see him?” Y/N stood, rushing to the door. 

“No, he isn’t here. Yet. But just promise, okay? They have a surprise for you, but they’re all hush hush about it. I don’t even know what it is,” Alex revealed, turning to her friend. The doorbell sounded through the house. Alex pulled out her phone to check the security camera. “Oh it’s the florist! I gotta go! Stay here!” 

Y/N laughed and waved Alex off as she ran out of the room and bounded down the stairs. She returned to the dressing table and looked over her supplies, making sure she had everything they needed. Satisfied, she turned her thoughts to Sam. She couldn’t wait to marry him and the next few hours couldn’t pass fast enough for her. 

The sound of heavy footfalls roused her from her thoughts as Alex returned to the room with a curling wand in one hand, two beers in the other and a mile wide smile on her face. “Ready?” 

~*~

The soft rap of knuckles broke through the laughter. “Y/N? Honey, it’s time.” 

Alex opened the door to reveal Bobby on the other side. His hair was combed and he looked rather dashing in his smart, dark gray suit. She turned to Y/N. “I’ll see you guys downstairs.” 

“You clean up nice, Bobby,” Y/N giggled as she walked toward the man that was about to give her away. She laid one hand on his chest, smoothing the invisible wrinkles on the lapel. 

“I dressed down so I don’t steal your thunder, pretty girl,” Bobby jested. “You, you look beautiful, Y/N.” 

“Thank you, Bobby.” She smiled. “Shall we?”

“Let’s get you married, girl. That idjit is driving me crazy, pacing around in my lawn like he is. He’s gonna kill my damn grass!” he grumbled, but Y/N could hear the pride in his voice. 

~*~

Y/N and Sam exchanged their vows under an arbor that Sam and Bobby had built as a surprise for Y/N. It was made from branches and draped with fairy lights hanging from it. Over the top branch, Sam had secured boughs of baby’s breath, adding a feminine touch to the rustic arbor. 

After signing their marriage certificate and celebrating with their guests, Sam and Y/N had headed to Bobby and Jody’s secluded lake cabin for their honeymoon. Jody insisted they would do the cleanup, only Bobby grumped the entire time. “It’s my damn house! Why am I the one picking up all this mess?” 

“Robert Steven Singer!” His wife's voice bellowed out across their yard. “Those kids have had one hell of a year. You will stop your complaining right now. We will clean up while they enjoy their honeymoon in peace!” 

“Yes, dear.” Bobby returned to the task of breaking down the few tables and storing them back in the outbuilding. Truth be told, Bobby was happy as a pig in slop for Sam and Y/N. After what Dean did to them, hosting their wedding was the least he could to help them maintain some normalcy. He glanced over at his wife, beautiful as ever in the morning sun, as she gathered the leftover floral arrangements. What he didn’t expect was to see her face twist into one of worry, bordering on fear. 

“Bobby!” 

For an old man, he ran faster than he had in some years, reaching her side in seconds. “What’s wrong?”

She didn’t say anything, only handed him the small card she had plucked from one of the arrangements. He read it a few times, the look on his face matching hers. “Where did this come from?” 

“It was in the flowers that were delivered yesterday. I was just going to bring them to the hospital, and save the cards for them to read when they got back, but,” Jody explained. 

“I’m calling Sam. We don’t want to scare them, but Sam needs to know,” Bobby commanded. 

The conversation was frantic on Bobby’s end as he spoke to Sam. Sam was trying to maintain his composure with his new wife in the same space. He listened carefully as Bobby read him the note and went through his instructions. He knew where the weapons locker was. He knew there was a trap door leading to a cellar in the closet of the master bedroom. A reinforced cellar that locked from the inside. He had never understood before but, after the last year, he silently welcomed Bobby’s paranoid behavior. 

“Rose are red, violets are blue. I’ll come soon after you say I do.”

“My next call is to the warden. Dean should have had all his mail privileges revoked, but I ain’t takin’ any chances here,” Bobby explained. “Alex just left to follow up with the florist to find out where the note originated from.” 

“Thanks, Bobby.” 

“We’ll get this son of a bitch, Sam.” 

“I know you will.” Sam ended the call and ran his hand down his face. 

“Maybe Dean wasn’t working alone. Maybe Shurley was in on it the whole time?” Jody proposed as Bobby dialed the number for the prison. 

“Get Alex on him as soon as she is done with the florist,” Bobby told her. 

Jody shot off a text to Alex as Bobby was on the phone. The agitated look on his face told her what they already knew. It wasn’t Dean.

“Ain’t him,” Bobby confirmed. “Warden said he started a fight, tried to kill a guy over pudding in the mess hall and he has been in solitary for the last month.”

“Pudding?” Jody raised an eyebrow. 

“Apparently they don’t get pie in prison,” Bobby chuckled despite the situation. “Alex get anything?” 

“Not really. The order was placed online with a credit card over a week ago. They’re tracing it now,” Jody informed him. “But, the email is probably a dead end and the card a prepaid debit. She’s headed over to Shurley’s to question him now.” 

“Well, let’s get the rest of this crap stowed so we can come up with a plan,” Bobby suggested, throwing his arm around her waist as they headed back into the yard. 

~*~

Sam thanked the drama classes in high school for helping him conceal the news of the recent threat from Y/N. Three days into their honeymoon and they had barely left the bedroom except to eat and shower. He couldn’t wait to see her glowing with their child and hoped the sheer amount of his ejaculate had done the trick. However, their food supply was low and they would have to head into town if they wanted to eat for the next four days. He would go, but didn’t want to leave her alone. If they went together, at least he would be by her side and could keep her safe if something happened. 

Thankfully, the trip to town was uneventful. Sam whistled while they unpacked groceries, stealing a kiss here and there from Y/N. She was all smiles for him and he didn’t want to ruin it. That however, clearly wasn’t up to him when he heard her scream moments later. Sam ran toward the master bedroom. 

Y/N had pushed herself up against the wall in the far corner of the room, tears streaming down her face when Sam entered the room. She pointed toward the bed where a plan white envelope lay in the middle. 

“Rose are red, violets are blue. I can’t wait to take another life from you.” 

Sam moved to the closet quick as lightning, pulling up on the trap door. “Go. Lock the door and wait for me. I love you.” He kissed her and gently shoved her toward the hidden staircase. Once he confirmed she was inside and he heard the lock catch, he moved to the weapons stash. With deft fingers, he spun the dial until the lock gave. He removed the HK45 and an extra magazine from the shelf. 

Although he was sure no one was still in the cabin besides Y/N and him, he cleared it room by room, just as Bobby and Dean had taught him. He even did a quick perimeter sweep on the property, but found nothing that shouldn’t have been there. There wasn’t even so much as an animal print in the dirt. Frustrated, he pulled out his phone and told Bobby what had transpired. 

“Come home, boy. You’re too far from civilization and, if something does happen, I can’t get to you fast enough,” Bobby stated the obvious. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I get it. We’ll pack up and be on the road in an hour,” Sam agreed. He retreated into the cabin and knocked on the hidden door. “Babe? It’s me. It’s all clear. Please open the door.” He was only met with silence. Not even a sniffle or whimper coming from below. His heart started racing. “Y/N! Open the door. It’s safe to come out. Please?” Sam turned, pacing the room. He stopped dead. There was another note on the bed. He opened it, his fingers trembling as he read the words. 

Roses are red, violets are blue. You’ll scream for her, just like Jessica did for you.

His blood ran cold as he dialed Bobby frantically. “Is there an exit?”

“What are you talking about Sam?” 

“The cellar room, Bobby! Is there a fucking way out besides the closet?” 

“Yes! There is a tunnel that runs out fifty yards, exits in the boat house,” Bobby sighed. 

Sam took off at a full sprint the minute he hit the back door, his long legs carrying him across the lawn to the lake. 

“Sam!” Bobby’s voice came through the phone. 

“The boat’s gone and the door is open. He left another note in the house. How the fuck did he get in?” Sam screamed. “And, why the fuck didn’t we know my brother had a fucking partner?” 

“Sam, Rufus is on his way. Jody is on the phone with the locals. Go back to the house and stay put,” Bobby ordered. 

“I need her, Bobby,” Sam cried into the phone. His perfect life vanishing right before him. 

“I know boy. I know. We’ll get her back.” 

Bobby turned to his wife as she hung up with the sheriff's office. “They’re on their way.” 

“Why didn’t we see something like this coming?” 

“Because Dean confessed. There was no need to investigate further. Let’s go back and take another look at Shurley. Alex said he isn’t home. She talked to his neighbors, they said he left yesterday morning,” Jody relayed. 

“Fuck,” Bobby groaned. “Better make some coffee.” 

For hours, they combed over the original case files from Sam’s college girlfriend, Jessica Moore. There wasn’t much to the case prior to the fire and her death. Michael Shurley had been seen in the vicinity, but he lived in the building. “Sam said he got weird, but there is nothing in his history to suggest he is capable of something like this, Bobby. His background is clean.” Jody stood to pour more coffee and her bones creaked as she stretched.

Rufus had checked in with them earlier. The locals had combed the tunnel and the boat house, but the only sign something was awry was the stolen boat. The cellar door locked from the inside only, same with the exit door. It didn’t make sense to the sheriff as she shared her professional opinion with Bobby’s seasoned investigator. 

“Bobby, I am telling you, this was an inside job!” Rufus struggled to keep his voice down, not wanting to alert Sam. 

“Rufus, I have known this boy damn near his entire life!” Bobby argued. 

“Singer, you’ve known me longer than that boy’s been alive. How many times have you known me to be wrong?” Rufus challenged him. 

“Never,” Bobby conceded. “Balls!” 

“I’m staying here with him for a few days. I called in some backup to keep eyes on him, too.” 

“Who?” Bobby demanded, not wanting to involve anyone else in this mess. 

“Ellen.” 

“Ellen Harvelle? Your ex-wife Ellen?” Bobby gasped.

“Yes, my ex-wife,” Rufus replied. “She’s still in the area and Sam doesn’t know her. She’ll be able to keep tabs on him if he leaves and follow him. I can’t. But she and her daughter can.”

“Best option we got, I guess,” Bobby sighed. “Just keep me posted, huh?”

“Copy that.”

Rufus didn’t have to wait long for Sam to become restless. 

“Rufus, we need to go looking for her!” Sam shouted, breaking the silence in the cabin. 

“Sam, we need to stay here in case she comes back. You need to be here in case he calls you. I can’t trace the call if I don’t know it’s coming in,” Rufus reasoned with him. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Sam resigned. “I’m going to make something to eat. You hungry?”

“I could eat. But you’ve got enough going on right now. I’ll take care of it,” Rufus told him. 

Grilled cheese and tomato soup wasn’t exactly what Sam had in mind for dinner, but, with his wife having been kidnapped by a psychopath, it didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was finding her. 

Sam excused himself for the night and retreated to the master bedroom where he tried to sleep, but hopes and dreams of their future morphed into nightmares. 

Rufus drifted off on the sofa, the fireplace and the television lighting the room. But, life as a former military man had made him a very light sleeper and he opened one eye at the sound of an engine starting in the distance. 

He grabbed his phone off the table next to him and dialed Ellen’s number. “I think he’s on the move.” 

“Jo’s at the end of the road on an all terrain. She’ll see him if he leaves,” Ellen informed him. “I’m on the other side of town. Lady called in suspicious activity at the old Novak place.”

“Keep me posted,” Rufus told her as another call rang through to his phone. He answered the incoming call. “Turner.” 

“Lady out on Route 33 called in some suspicious activity and appears there is someone staking out the house.” Sheriff Hanscum filled him in on what he already knew. “Wouldn’t happen to be one of yours, would it?”

“I told you earlier, Sheriff. We take care of our own and we’re all licensed professionals. If that son of a bitch is in there, she’ll see him. But you better hope your men to get to him first, because she ain’t gentle. Trust me, I know. She’s my ex-wife,” Rufus laughed. His long legs carried him through the house and sure enough, Sam’s room was empty, the bed untouched.

Rufus placed another call. “Jody, I need a property records search.” He relayed the address and waited while she accessed the data.

“Huh. Get a load of this. The property is registered to a Chuck and Amara Shurley. So, I did a little digging. Used to be owned by Lucille Novak, who died about twenty years ago. She left the house and surrounding land to her children Chuck and Amara. Chuck has four children, the youngest? One Michael Shurley,” Jody revealed. 

“Son of a bitch,” Rufus marveled at the revelation. “I think Sam is on the move. Jo’s on Sam, Ellen’s watching the house. How soon can you get here?” 

“We’re only about thirty minutes out,” Jody replied. 

“Good, ‘cause this might get ugly,” Rufus admitted and disconnected the call. He put on a fresh pot of coffee and waited. 

~*~

“What do you want with me, Michael?” Y/N screamed for the hundredth time since he had taken her from the cabin. From her husband. Her ears were ringing and her head still throbbed where Michael had struck her on the boat because she wouldn’t stop screaming. 

“It’s what we want with you. Now shut up!” Michael Shurley growled. He had been pacing the dirt floor basement of some old farmhouse for hours. 

“Lucky me, I get two stalkers,” she sassed. She had moved from frightened to annoyed some time ago, after her assailant revealed himself to her. She was also royally pissed as the ropes bit into her wrists behind her back. 

The sound of a door shutting above them snapped Michael’s attention from the floor. “Finally!” He rocketed up the old staircase and slammed the door shut behind him. 

Y/N tested the ropes again without Michael in the room. Damn! They were too tight as she tried to wriggle her wrists, but the rickety chair she was tied to wobbled sideways under weight. She kept moving, her eyes glued to the staircase. She could hear voices upstairs, angry voices as they argued. 

“This wasn’t the plan, fuck nut!” The new voice bellowed. It was definitely male, but old houses were built solidly and she couldn’t recognize the voice with her ears still buzzing.

“Yeah, well maybe I’m not a fan of the plan, douchebag!” Michael retorted. 

There was a scuffle, dirt rained down on her as they moved across the floor. She shook the debris from her hair and continued rocking. On the fourth round, the chair gave way, falling apart beneath her. She muffled her grunt as she hit the hard floor. Y/N managed to disassemble the chair to free her arms. As the voices above her got louder, she quickly scanned the space, looking for an escape route. 

“You and Dean had your fun! Now, it’s my turn! Where is she?” The second man demanded. 

“Downstairs,” Michael disclosed. “But, I’m not done. I didn’t get my turn because he’s a control freak. I want the same time I got with Jessica! She was supposed to mine!”

“You’ll get what I give you, loser.”

Heavy footfalls crossed the floor and Y/N knew she was running out of time. Overwrought, she ran toward the dark corner of the basement behind the stairs, a glint of light garnering her attention. It was a window! She dragged a nearby crate to the wall, using it to reach the ledge. Much to her surprise and good fortune, the window opened with ease. “What a dumb fuck.” Y/N muttered to herself as she lifted herself out the window. 

She took off running as fast as her legs would carry her. They were cramping from being tied to a chair for so long, but she only needed to make it to the road. She could see it in the distance. Just a little farther. She missed the fallen tree hiding in the tall grass and went down, landing hard in the overgrown field. Groaning, she turned her head towards the road when she heard the rumble of an engine. She didn’t dare call out for help if Michael and his partner discovered she was missing. Y/N crawled back to the tree and tried to hide against it as well as she could. 

She looked ahead and saw the grass moving and a flashlight low to the ground. Maybe it was her ears, now ringing louder with the recent fall, but she swore she heard her name. 

“Y/N?” A female voice called out again. 

“I’m here,” she whispered. “Please help me.” 

“Hi, honey. My name is Ellen. I’m friends with Bobby. He sent me to find you,” Ellen held out her hand to help Y/N up. “Now stay low so we can get out of here.” 

Y/N didn’t respond, only nodding her agreement. She couldn’t wait to get back home to Sam and get back to living their new life together. 

They reached Ellen’s car and she helped Y/N inside, shutting the door softly behind her. The car was still running and the heat was on. Y/N wrapped her arms around her in an attempt to get warm. She could see Ellen at the drivers door, she was on her phone but she couldn’t hear the conversation. Ellen nodded sharply and put her phone away before she opened the door. 

Noticing Y/N shivering, Ellen turned up the heater and grabbed a blanket from the backseat, handing it to her. “You okay, honey?”

“No, not really. This is so fucked up,” she murmured. 

“Bobby and Jody’ll be here in a minute and we’ll get you taken care of, okay?” Ellen told her sweetly. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Ellen seemingly typing out messages on her phone, while Y/N just stared wide eyed into the night. Her trance was broken as a police cruiser passed them like a bat out of hell, lights flashing. 

“That’s our cue,” Ellen replied, pulling back out on the road, following the squad into a long driveway. 

Y/N started crying when she realized where they were. “No, no, no! I’m not going back. You might as well kill me now!” 

“Oh, honey. It’s okay. The police are gonna get him. You’re safe right here with me,” Ellen assured Y/N as she continued to shake and cry. Ellen turned her attention back towards the house when she saw the sheriff motion her inside. Perfect timing as Bobby’s pick-up rolled in next to her. “They’re here.” 

Y/N looked up and the first thing she saw was Jody’s face. She opened the door and rushed around the car to embrace her. Ellen followed suit, meeting Bobby at the front of his truck. 

“Sheriff wants her inside,” Ellen explained, looking over at Y/N wrapped in Jody’s arms. “Needs her to identify the man that took her.” 

“I don’t like it. Can’t it wait till tomorrow?” Bobby protested, but Ellen just shook her head. “Fine. Y/N, sweetheart? We need to go inside and talk to the sheriff. We’ll stay with you the whole time, okay?” 

“Okay,” she sniffled. “Where’s Sam?”

“We’ll get him for you, okay?” Ellen told her as they headed to the door. 

Ellen stepped inside first, followed by Bobby, Jody and Y/N bringing up the rear as she clung to Jody for dear life. The sheriff greeted each of them before addressing Y/N. 

“Mrs. Winchester, I need you to tell me if you recognize this man,” Sheriff Hanscum said softly, cognizant of the recent trauma she had endured. 

“Yeah, o-okay,” Y/N stammered. Jody helped her into a chair as one of the deputies led a handcuffed man into the room. “That’s Michael Shurley.” 

“Thank you, Mrs. Winchester,” Sheriff Hanscum acknowledged, crouching next to her. “My name’s Donna, Y/N. I need a favor, I need you to look at one more. You think you can do that for me?”

She nodded as Donna stood. Her eyes stayed glued to the floor until a man’s shoes came into view. Y/N followed the line of his legs up, her brow furrowing as she reached his face. Her hand flew up, barely concealing the yelp that fell from her mouth. “Sam?”

~*~

Two weeks later, Y/N was sitting at the kitchen table having coffee with Jody. Her days were far from normal now. She resigned from her job at the school and moved in with Bobby and Jody. 

“I want to see it,” Y/N raised her head and looked Jody in the eye. 

“Y/N…” Jody paused, realizing she was referring to Sam’s recorded confession. 

“He wouldn’t talk to me when I went to see him. I deserve an explanation,” Y/N objected. “He owes me that much.” 

“Donna already turned it over. They’re being prosecuted for Jessica’s death. Dean’s still serving his life sentence, but Sam and Michael will get theirs now, too,” Jody empathized. She couldn’t imagine what the poor girl was going through. All she knew was that she needed to take care of her, just like her own daughter. That meant protecting her from the truth. She didn’t need to hear the ugly truth.

The house phone rang, startling them both. “Hello?...Yes, just a moment please. Bobby? Phone call!” 

“Got it!” Bobby answered from his office, Jody hanging up the receiver. 

“Ladies,” Bobby greeted Y/N and his wife as he entered the kitchen a few minutes later, giving them each a kiss on the cheek. 

“Who was on the phone?” Jody inquired, refilling his coffee. 

“That was the warden,” he announced. 

“Oh?” Jody remarked.

“Um, yeah. He called with some news,” Bobby gulped. “Y/N, I don’t even know how to start…”  

“He’s dead, isn’t he?” Y/N looked up, tears in her eyes. 

“How-how did you know?” Bobby faltered. 

“Michael said Dean was a control freak. It didn’t go according to plan and I’m still alive. Dean’s gotta be pissed. It just makes sense that he would go after Sam, since he couldn’t finish the job,” Y/N shrugged nonchalantly. 

“Dean’s dead, too. They killed each other,” Bobby elaborated. “And Michael hung himself in his cell.” 

Jody knelt next to Y/N’s chair, a comforting hand on her arm. “It’s over, baby girl.” 

“No, it’s not, Jody. It’ll never be over,” Y/N surmised, looking into Jody’s eyes. “I’m late.” 

~*~*~*~*~

Thank you for reading. Please tell me how you liked it. Did it invoke emotion? Are you mad at me? TELL ME!

~*~*~*~*~

Did you like it? The nicest thing you can do for a writer is reblog their work and tell them, and others, how much you like it!

The Whole Enchilada: @iwantthedean @dolphincliffs @mrswhozeewhatsis @meganwinchester1999 @cherrycokegirls1 @closetspngirl  @roxyspearing @flamencodiva @blacktithe7 @sis-tafics @just-another-busyfangirl @evansrogerskitten @amanda-teaches @hannahindie @wotinspntarnation @winchesterprincessbride @winecatsandpizza @kickingitwithkirk  @wi-deangirl77 @hobby27 @mogaruke @gh0stgurl @alleiradayne @idreamofplaid @seenashwrite @crashdevlin @thoughtslikeaminefield @emoryhemsworth

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Some others (based on your comments from part 2): @moosekateer13 @innerpaperexpertcloud @karouwinchester @stusbunker @jbbarnesgirl @bemyqueenofdarkness @delightfullykrispypeach 

[cards-onthetable]

Hi, is this Jamko Grievances Hotline?

(This is it y’all, Aussie’s letting loose. Straight text is hers; any of my own additions are italicized. I’M SO PROUD OF YOU, AUSSIE!)

My perception of Eddie season 4 - younger than Jamie, sheltered upbringing, bit of a private school princess as we say here. Rookie so she has a steep learning curve ahead of her. All pretty normal I think. Fyi I don't buy the BS that nobody saw their chemistry etc behind the scenes. Her whole "You're my first Reagan, be gentle" was to me the very beginning of this farce. It was obvious she was brought into the show to be his eventual love interest.

Season 5 - 1st episode Jamie loses his shit when Eddie pushed to the ground. Eddie apparently doesn't realise Jamie wants to jump her bones? doubt it but ok writers. His talk with Erin about Teresa Mancini being his first crush because Jamie likes opinionated bossy women etc. So writers/producers clearly want idea in viewers minds that yeah he wants her but noble, never-screw-your-partner Jamie Reagan denies it and Eddie supposedly remains oblivious.

Episode 2 - Jamie sides with Kara Walsh much to Eddie's disgust. It's Eddie that talks about bringing stink back with him etc after he partners with Walsh. It's Eddie talking about nobody trusts a rat etc etc. (geez I hate season 9)

The rest of the season passes with Eddie being kidnapped  (Jamie handled that smoothly didn't he)? and  Eddie's first kill. He wants to be there for her. Eddie also wants him there. Ok I get slow burn in TV shows but they in my mind have already crossed lines emotionally and MR HARVARD GRAD on some level has to know this. Eddie always showed signs of knowing she had feelings in my opinion.

Eddie undercover and Jamie loses his shit with Danny about getting his partner out etc. Danny and Maria knew about their feelings. Hell seems basically the entire precinct did but ok this slow burn shit continues all the while Jamie believing can't go there because dangerous on job blah blah blah. Sorry but you are already compromised. (AGREED. They’ve been emotionally compromised since early on.)

Season 6 - More interesting for me because Eddie started to be more his equal I felt. She would express opinions and argue more with him. But I did not like her "do you know who my partner's father is" BS (same, I still struggle to categorize that as a momentary lapse in judgment? A scared gut reaction when she got confronted? Not sure, but it was gross). They also had a fight in episode 11 when Eddie got them assigned to a detective detail. Eddie's "I'm not gonna apologise for wanting a career". Opinionated Eddie on display. You know the type Jamie is always attracted to. But still this slow burn BS continues. 

Season 7 - Well we all know how that played out. The year they confess feelings (no, the year Eddie confessed feelings in a moving, vulnerable moment and Jamie stammered about bad ideas and roads they’ve been down before. 😒😒), pash, attend out of town weddings together and get into fights. But yeah ok JUST PARTNERS. Honestly fuck off BB it's just a farce. Oh wait we are now going to ignore the kiss etc. Erase it from your memories like it never happened folks. UGH UGH UGH.

Season 8 - Mostly about Danny and losing Linda at first. OK I can deal with that. Jamko dinner date at the Chinese restaurant and we're reviving the sexual tension again. JUST FUCK ALREADY. But nope surprise Eddie has a boyfriend called Barry. Well she is entitled to her life considering the WE ARE JUST PARTNERS BS!! But apparently this boyfriend is enough to make Jamie stop and think as opposed to the other men that have come and gone. Yeah she got shot, Jamie could've lost her etc etc. Barry mentioned again so Eddie was still with him or had very recently split oh hey surprise WE'RE ENGAGED - (Adam Sandler starts in my head BUT IT ALL WAS BULLSHIT IT WAS A GODDAMN JOKE).

As an aside I absolutely hated the episode where Eddie recognised the absolute pig from her past and used her job to get even. Showing Eddie to be that unprofessional and needing to be brought to heel by Jamie and Erin really pissed  me off. That right there is why Eddie is considered beneath Jamie by the I hate Eddie brigade. I understand being shocked running into the guy but showing Eddie to have such poor judgement just didn't sit well. And hey T.O. you failed cos you probably should've taught her that you can't use your authority for personal gain but clearly you didn't but you know it's wrong so the all powerful Reagans can get you out of the trouble silly little Eddie tried to get herself in.

Season 9 - ARE THEY FUCKING JOKING? 

1 - Still working together because their judgement won't be affected in a negative way. oops Eddie trapped in fire and Jamie loses his shit.  But ok engaged and working together CHANGES NOTHING

2 - Jamie promoted and getting transferred and immediately Eddie brings up putting in for a transfer. He says no. He then requests her. She says no. Good maybe they really will let them be separated at work which given it meant Eddie basically relegated to family dinners surprised me.

3 - Oh my guy's being talked about meanly. This won't do. FYI I actually was ok with Jamie appearing a bit irritated when she arrived at work as his girlfriend. I like to keep home and personal separate so I could understand his less than thrilled reaction but that's not everyone's cup of tea and I understand that. But hey spoiler BB his colleagues have seen his girlfriend you morons, so transferring her into work there by end of episode and pretending people don't know IS BULLSHIT

4 - Think I already discussed this with @ontherockswithsalt but I was irritated. Jamie made it clear he did not trust that detective and Eddie seemed to see it solely as an attack on her capabilities. Old Eddie I think would've at least listened. But SHIT goes wrong and it is Jamie coming to rescue Eddie. I understood why the majority felt Jamie over stepped and Eddie is trained etc. But she had found herself in an out of control situation because she was pinned with breath knocked out of her and help was not coming until it had gone further. Jamie is aware of what this arse would be rapist is doing. He is aware of Eddie's history with sexual assault. He does not trust this detective. THE MAN IN JAMIE WILL ALWAYS PROTECT HIS WOMAN WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY WORKING TOGETHER IS TOTAL BULLSHIT KEVIN WADE AND YOU KNOW IT. That was not Sergeant  Reagan that was ANGRY JAMIE out to play. But Eddie is upset which i get because she feels it's an attack on her capabilities and no chick is gonna be happy with that and she talks about "we agreed we'd separate work and home Jamie you gotta choose". 

5 - It was Eddie telling Sean about what it means to be a Reagan, higher standards etc etc. Oh look a little bit of affection seeing Jack off. Works for me because they are at home, not working. 

6 - He puts both Maya and Eddie on foot patrol AND SHE DEFENDS HIM? Oh come on Old Eddie is not that stupid. Sorry it's Eddie 2.0 this season, I forgot. So again it's Jamie Reagan the HARVARD GRAD telling her that was a mistake well NO SHIT and old Eddie wouldn't have done it.

7 - I kinda enjoyed that low growl as he went to kiss her in the kitchen. Her mum's a delight but to me supportive Jamie was on display this episode because they were at home. He can be Jamie there. At work he's supposedly Sergeant Reagan not Jamie.

8 - Jamie upset with his decision and Eddie is supportive. Only really saw them at home so nothing really annoyed me here.

9 - Eddie and Maya and 2 others supposedly bullied and Jamie has to explain why it's a bad look. Not convinced old Eddie would be so keen to just let the loud mouths go but maybe the point was to suggest Eddie really not that capable without Jamie by her side? Oh no it's not that because Eddie caught the wanted killer. You girl. Then their boss tells Frank he's not blowing smoke when praising them. So what their CO does know?

10 - NO NO NO. EDDIE FLAT OUT LIES WHEN ASKED BY MAYA HOW LONG THEY BEEN SLEEPING TOGETHER. BUT OH NO JAMIE IN A SHOOT OUT AND HERE COMES EDDIE RUNNING SERGEANT REAGAN ARE YOU OK WITH THE PUPPY EYES. But ok sure Maya and co believe you aren't screwing. BULLSHIT

11 - Jamie stuffs up. Did that actually happen? He makes a mistake someone gets shot and nothing is said? SAY WHAT? Also Eddie has to pull Jamie off the shooter and is calling him Jamie which apparently is wrong so again THEY ALL KNOW YOU ARE SCREWING FOLKS.

12 - I'm annoyed that anyone can mention 100k and wedding in same breath but hey maybe that's really what a wedding in NYC costs. Wedding talk bores me so I found that episode blah. He certainly needs to learn to express himself better. The venue seemed ok I guess.

13 - Wedding dress description to the guy you gonna marry? I'm bored. Oh wait personal and professional lives must be separated so yeah it seems really logical to therefore be discussing their issues at work. What's this did Jamie just tell her he loves her in busy precinct? Ok maybe it's me who has a head injury because I thought we were still playing secret squirrel.

14 - Not that much Jamko really but hey Henry while I understand Danny's point I am firmly team Jamie because how on Earth can he maintain any discipline/control when his own brother totally disregards him? Henry and Frank care more about Frank's precious job and the family name. OH Fuck Me Frank Reagan's bullshit is a separate rant. Did love the dinner table spat though. Give me more of that. Also kinda impresses by that saga at the end.

15 - we've discussed this

16 - Nice to see them working together I guess 

17 - Maya corrupt. I'm ho hum in a way. I kinda think making the first black recurring police officer corrupt plays into the ‘blue bloods is racist’ crowd but I really don't know enough about the culture there. I did like Jamie having her arrested  at roll call because I'm all for sending a message. Again this woking together and screwing is BS but hey that's the theme of the season.

18 - Who knows I haven't seen much but I'm over it. IT DOES NOT WORK. END OF STORY.

But in closing Eddie does look like can't be trusted in my opinion because she came to the new precinct that was known to be trouble. And for a year her and her boss have been lying. Jamie has the Sergeant has power. Eddie does not. Given how rats are seen how does Eddie's position not come with major blow back when all is revealed? Jamie can't shield her cos that'd be playing favourites and hey we keep work and home separate (except for when we don't) BECAUSE IT'S ALL BULLSHIT.

If the go ahead with season 10 and I'm silly enough to watch I am hoping for serious fallout. I want Eddie ostracised at work because I think that is realistic and they supposedly pride themselves on being real. I think it would be interesting character development for Eddie and also for Jamie because HEY HARVARD HOW'S BEING A BULLSHIT ARTIST WORKING FOR YA? I'd like to see HARVARD have to grapple with how his stupidity has truly affected the woman he loves. And hey maybe Eddie can return to her old self.

This dummy spit written and authorised by Aussie.

Sorry if I've broken your eyes due to eye rolling.

[santheweird]

Hey Sarge! (Chapter 1)

Summary: Due to the lack of jobs because of World War 2, Alexander Sami Hale joined the army to keep her family’s head above the water.

She falsified her enlistment form, convincing the officials that she was actually a boy named Alexander Hale.

When her sergeant, James Barnes, was captured by the German forces during a battle in Azzano, Alex went AWOL to aid a man named Steve Rogers to rescue his best friend.

This is her story.

(That eyebrow tho)

“Get the hell outta here! I’ll hold them off!”

“Sarge! No-” Alex cut herself off, wincing as another wave of pain shot through her arm. Her head throbbed painfully and her vision flickered as she tried to look for Bucky through the thick curtain of rain. Fear flashed through her as there were several gunshot sounds and flashes of blue light.

“James!” She screamed over the thunder, pushing away the soldier who tried to bring her to the trucks nearby, hot tears streaming down her cheeks, mixing with the rain.”Bucky!!”

Two months ago: Alex panted heavily as the mid-morning sun beat down on her, her hands on her knees, sweat dripping from her forehead onto the ground. Her legs trembled slightly from exertion as her fingers fumbled for her water canteen. She took a long swig from it and let out a long sigh.

“Yo, Alex.” Alex turned her head and saw Timothy not too far away, hand outreached. “Gimme some of that.” He wheezed.

“What ‘bout yours?” She heaved out, handing over her canteen.

“Stuck. Too lazy to get it.”

Alex rolled her eyes and stumbled over to Timothy’’s pack, reaching for his canteen and with a sharp tug, pulled it out with a tug. She uncapped it and downed half of the contents before handing it back to him, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

Timothy also handed her back her canteen, this time almost empty with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Every time, Dugan.” Alex grumbled, tucking her water canteen back into her pack. “Every fucking time. You better watch ya hat next time, or you’ll find it hanging off the roof of the barracks one day.”

“Now that’ll be a sight.” A hand clapped Alex hard on the back, and she nearly bowled over. She turned and saw the wide grin of their squad sergeant.

“Sergeant Bucky.” She drawled, mimicking the deep voice of their camp commander, placing her small finger under her nose to imitate his limp mustache. “What brings you here to this rat-infested swamp?”

James paused, not expecting that reply, before his grin widened. “Well, I dunno.” He replied, putting on a lady’s voice. “Just wanted to ask if any of you charming lads have any water to spare for this thirsty dame.” Alex bit her lip savagely at James’ impression of a lady, batting his eyelashes and pulling down his collar a little to show some ‘cleavage’

“What happened to your water, Sergeant Buck?” Gabriel Jones, who was nearby, snorted when Timothy adopted a nasally voice and held his water canteen protectively to himself.

“Gave it to that dashing young man over there.” James replied in a breathless voice, taking off his helmet and grooming his ‘long’ hair. “He looked pretty hot, in more ways than one.”

There was a moment of silence, before the four of them dissolved into giggles, collapsing onto one another like a bunch of schoolboys. Alex reached up, snatched the canteen from Dugan and tossed it to James.

Camp was tough. Waking up as early as 4.30 am and 10 to 20 mile treks before breakfast. Gruelling training from the afternoon to evening, pausing only a few times for meals in the mess hall. Showers under cold water before falling asleep in cramped barracks and on thin mattresses, only to wake up and do it all again tomorrow with sore legs and aching arms. It didn’t help when Alex couldn’t take off her shirt when it was particularly hot, or her identity would be revealed.

Alex admitted to herself that the conditions were vastly different than back at home, perhaps better. She didn’t need to do a god-awful amount of push-ups in the early morning, but she appreciated the fact that she had a bed to rest on at the end of the day. And it was great having friends too. When she was still in Brooklyn, she was solely focussed on work to earn money and making sure her employers didn’t find out about her real gender.

However, being in the army was different. Alex was already being paid, whether she was working hard or not. She didn’t have to worry about needing to rush from one job to another. Just had to stay in the camp and follow orders. Bunking in close proximity with strangers brought everyone, quite literally, closer to each other. It brought a sense of camaraderie through the entire squad, and three men and one girl four men were even closer.

“In more ways than one…pffffftt- AHAHAHA!!” Jones snorted when he redid James’s impression of a lady, sending the other three into hysterics again. Alex clutched her sides as she tried not to land her face into her food. Even though the mess hall was always loud and noisy at mealtimes, she was sure that their table was one of the rowdiest.

Wiping away the tears from her eyes when the laughing fit was over, Alex finally started on her breakfast, which consisted of a bowl of bland, mushy oatmeal and an apple. She shrugged and ate it anyway. At least it was better than nothing.

“Whoa, look at the rat eat!” Alex turned at the voice behind them. It was Cameron, also in their squad, looking down at her in distaste. “I guess he’s really considered vermin, considering that he can stomach this trash.” He sneered gesturing to the bowl before walking away.

James stood up abruptly. “Hey! What did you just say-”

“Sarge! Calm down!” Alex cut in, coaxing him to sit back down on the bench.

“Are you sure about that, Alex?” Dugan asked. “He’s been real annoying to you ever since the start of camp, and it’s getting to be really irritating.”

James nodded angrily, and Gabe started cracking his knuckles threateningly. Alex immediately started trying to convince the three of them to calm down.

“I’m really fine about this. I’ll fight my fights when I want to. 'Sides, I think he’ll get bored and leave me anyways.”

Dugan, Jones and James conceded to lay back, but Alex could see that they weren’t so convinced.

Alex lifted her head, ears straining to hear any noises outside the barracks. She slowly moved up from her lying position on the bed, pausing every so often when one of the soldiers shifted in his sleep. She reached under her bed and grabbed a small bag of toiletries which she had hidden underneath.

Alex padded past the snoring recruits and slowly pushed the barracks door open. She stuck her head out, looking for any officers who might be patrolling the area, and then scampered off towards the showers.

She settled in a cubicle most hidden from the entrance, and turned on the tap at a minimal flow. Stripping down, Alex gave her hair a quick rinse and dampened a a towel to wipe herself down. Drying off, she dressed and washed her bra, the design adopted from an old newspaper advertisement when the flapper style was all the rage.

After wringing it out, Alex gathered her items and crept back towards the barracks, the whole ordeal only lasting her at most twenty minutes. She heaved a sigh of relief and grabbed the handle of the door, only for it to swing out towards her!

A small squeak of surprise escaped her as her amber eyes met a startled blue.

“Alex?! Whatcha doin’ out here?” James exclaimed, his voice lowered to a whisper.

“Uh, I mean- what are you doing out here as well?”

James paused, and then shrugged nonchalantly. “You got me. I couldn’t sleep, so I came out here for a smoke.”

“I-I didn’t know you smoked.”

“Not very often. What ‘bout you? Couldn’t sleep too?”

“You could say that.” Alex replied, suddenly thankful that she chose to rewear her pajamas so that there wouldn’t be a bundle of suspicious looking laundry, and her small bag of toiletries along with her bra was hidden in her pocket. “But I’m goin’ back in now.”

James nodded before opening the door slightly wider for her to pass through. She slipped in with a nod of thanks and power-walked as quietly as she could to her bed. She climbed into bed, heart beating furiously, only relaxing when she heard the door close.

After hiding away any incriminating evidence, Alex’s mind went back to their conversation:

“You got me. I couldn’t sleep, so I came out here for a smoke.”

Now that was strange. Training was so tiring that everyone usually immediately fell asleep once the day was done. Homesickness?

As Alex let her mind drift, she imagined James standing outside in the chilly night, with only the smoke of a cigarette for company. The thought brought an unknown ache to the bottom of her stomach as she slowly drifted to sleep.

Notes:

- Lets write Alex, Bucky, Dugan and Jones all fooling around after training immediately after a potentially angst-filled scene, shall we? ;)

- I read that “Dum Dum” Dugan and Gabriel “Gabe” Jones were in the 107th, just like Bucky, and I thought it would be best that all four of them would be friends.

- Alex is used to sleeping on just some cardboard at home, and not eating for days when there isn’t enough money for food, so she’s not complaining as much as the other recruits.

- Oooohhh, Cameron made an appearance. Ooooohhhh, Protective!Bucky has also made an appearance! Maybe because Alex is of a small stature, so (s)he kind of reminds Bucky of Pre-Serum Steve, making him go Mother Hen!Bucky.

- But I know y’all aren’t worried about Cameron, ‘cos just like what the sneak preview said, Alex is gonna punch him in the sucker one day :)

- As Alex has learned in the streets that bullies would leave her alone once they’re bored, she becomes mostly unreactive to taunts and blows so that they would go away sooner. Which is why she asked Bucky, Dugan and Jones not to go after Cameron. Also, three-on-one? Isn’t that kinda overkill?

- Alex showers when everyone is asleep, for obvious reasons. She also does it as quickly as she can so as not to get caught.

- About the design of the bra she saw in an old newspaper advertisement. I wasn’t actually lying. Check out the Symington Side Lacer from the Roaring Twenties. Alex’s version is mostly made out of cloth scraps and some help from Aunt Grace, made with the sole purpose of hiding her breasts during work, and in this case, the army.

- When Alex accidentally bumped into Bucky outside the barracks, she was wearing another makeshift Side Lacer, so he didn’t suspect anything. Thank goodness.

- Oooooohhhh what’s this? Alex is developing feelings for Bucky? Not blaming her though. That man looks delicious in the uniform ;) (She won’t be realizing her feelings until much later though)

- Any questions, just ask! Any feedback? Tell me! Comments are greatly appreciated!

Prologue  Chapter 2

Masterlist

Tags:

@mizz-kraziii @cami23593 @beautiful-aravis @buckybarnesneedscuddles @dottirose @katykyll @frittiefries @chipilerendi @fandomsandahintofmagic  @jaditestuff

[texanpeanut]

Why Am I Here?

I think a lot. Probably too much by some standards, which is one of the reasons I wanted to join the Peace Corps. Once upon a time I believed if I made it to this position I would be forced to think less and do more. However, over the past six months I’ve experienced the opposite. Without mind-numbing mental distractions like Instagram and Facebook readily available while I’m in my rural site, and with the heat-forced downtime that occurs between noon and five p.m., I find myself thinking all the time. Not just in a hazy, half-aware state, but actively considering a handful of topics over and over again trying to find some satisfying conclusion that may or may not exist. So I’m not sure if the amount I think has changed since coming here, but perhaps the way I do has. Maybe now it’s more focused, more linear, less wiggly and sporadic. Maybe it’s more dense and easier to hold in my hand, like pudding versus water. Maybe it hasn’t changed at all and I’m just making it all up. 

One topic currently seems to have a more substantial presence in my mind than the others, though. Sometimes it burns like a roaring campfire and I’m completely captivated and sometimes it nags silently like a mango string caught in my teeth that I run my tongue over again and again without actually making an effort to remove. When I sit on the floor of my hut at 6:30 am drinking Nescafe, when I fill my water bucket at the forage in the silent woods, when I escape the afternoon sun by doing crosswords in bed, when I sit with my family in the evening as we wait for dinner to finish cooking, I always come back to the same thought - why the fuck am I here? 

For anyone reading this who doesn’t know, Senegal is a small West African country that happens to be the furthest western point on the African continent. I honestly don’t know that much about Senegalese history because all the empire formations and and dissolvements make my head spin, but I do know that it is certainly a very rich and diverse history, which has led to a very rich and diverse culture today. Although French is the national language, apparently 36 different languages are spoken in Senegal today, and each language corresponds to a different ethnic group with it’s own stories and traditions and beliefs. In my own region of Kedougou, I can travel between Bassari, Pular, and Jaxanke villages in just a few hours, and then if I travel up to any of the northern regions I find myself surrounded by Wolof or Pulaar du Nord or Serer. 

So, take a trip in a time machine back to maybe the 7th century and you’ll find all these groups of people living their lives, forming empires and kingdoms, disbanding, migrating, adopting Islam, you know, whatever, the usual, until the advent of globalization at the end of the 15th century. At that point, Europeans began competing for trade and conquest in Senegal (like they did in almost all other non-white countries, as y’all know. I have a few other colorful ways to describe this but since I have family reading and I already dropped a fuck once (twice now, sorry) I’ll keep it tame.)* until 1677 when France won by gaining control of Goree Island, which is known for being a purchasing base in the Atlantic Slave Trade. 

Travel forward in the time machine to 1961 and Senegal becomes independent from France. After centuries upon centuries of existing as a region under various kingdoms, then 300 years under French rule, Senegal becomes a country with a border, a tax system, a school system, elected officials, all that stuff. Now travel forward in the time machine to today, 2018, 57 years later. 

SO MUCH BACKDROP. Was all that even necessary for what I’m about to talk about? We’ll see, I guess. 

Living here, I see a lot of European and North American presence. Asian presence too, actually - a lot of the roads being built are Chinese construction projects, and the Renaissance Monument in Dakar was given as a gift from North Korea. There are other development organizations like UNESCO and World Vision, some religious missionaries, some adventurous tourists traveling on their own, some old French women sunbathing on the beaches of Mbour, and of course the obnoxious buses crammed full of European tourists coming to see a waterfall and stop by the surrounding towns to take photos of ~village life~ as if strolling through a zoo. 

As a white person here I’m perceived differently based on which of these groups of white people Senegalese people have interacted with more. When I travel anywhere outside my village I hear the children sing-song chant “toubako okkan cadeau!” which means “westerner, share a gift with me!”. Sometimes the adults engage me too when I go to a boutique or wait for a car at the garage. They like to ask me if I’ll take their baby with me back to America, if I’ll give them my earbuds, my cell phone, or my dress, or if I’ll marry their old crusty-ass uncle I don’t even know. When I travel up to Thies I don’t get chanted at quite as much and am almost ignored, which is nice. The few times I’ve been to Mbour I’m almost ignored except for the occasional beach-walking knick-knack seller begging me to be their first customer of the day. 

Even though they are just children, I get so incredibly annoyed sometimes by the chanting. I usually ignore it and go about my day but sometimes I just want to scream “my name is not Toubako, it’s Binta, and I don’t have a fucking gift, leave me alone and let me walk or bike or buy a piece of bread or whatever the fucking I’m doing at the moment.” The adults can be just as irksome, too. I don’t usually get into it and play these comments off as jokes but they make me so uncomfortable. I want to tell them “stop asking me for things. Every time you see me you only ask me for things. I came here to teach, to work, to plant at least like one fucking tree, not to take your baby or marry your god-damn uncle.” 

I think I’m up to four fucks now, sorry. God, that’s five. 

But I don’t respond because in some ways I feel like I deserve it. Even though I wasn’t here between 1677 and 1961 selling humans from Goree Island, even though I’m not one of these oggling, bus-going, camera-toting tourists, because I’m white I’m still part of that story. And in some ways isn’t “international development” another form of colonialism, of imperialism? Western groups coming in with resources and knowledge trying to fix what they perceive as problems? If the people of Senegal continuously rely on foreign aid organizations to supply resources and technical expertise, how sustainable is that for development in the long run? 

So this is where my thoughts lead me every day. What’s my role as a volunteer here? How can I act as a white person without perpetuating colonialism? How can I work and learn here while being the least imposing as possible? In Peace Corps we’re told the role of a volunteer is to be a mentor, a teacher, a co-facilitator, a co-planner, etc. There’s a huge focus on “people-centered” work. Don’t do anything your village doesn’t want. Don’t force your own projects because when you leave no one will continue it. I think I feel comfortable with this part. So far I’ve really been trying to feel out my village for what they want, what they need, and what they’re willing to work toward. If no one wants to make a compost pile or build a tree nursery, I’m not going to force it. I try to see myself as a supplier of information, not an iron-fisted environmental ruler. 

But even if I am trying to work with my village, even if I am truly trying to be this mentor/teacher/facilitator figure, and not a tyrant or giver of gifts like some other development organizations can be, why is that my responsibility as an American? All my technical training in Thies was done by Senegalese people. Wouldn’t this whole program be way more effective if Senegalese people trained other Senegalese people? People who live here and truly understand their land and their culture? People who don’t have to spend a year just trying to learn a language and fit in? People who aren’t going to go home to America or Canada or Japan after 2 years? 

Well then I think maybe it’s not just about the work. The work is so fun, it’s a blast, it’s been my favorite part in village. Helping someone build a tree nursery, doing a small training, getting my hands dirty planting seeds or amending a garden bed - it’s fantastic and I say that without a single drop of sarcasm. But there’s three goals in Peace Corps - the first is about the work, the second is about sharing American culture with the host country, and the third is sharing host country culture with Americans. And I think many volunteers have a fourth, personal goal of learning about themselves or some kind of self improvement. That’s my other favorite part so far. The opportunity to challenge myself, to learn, to think in a focused way and not just bounce all over the place. But did I have to come all the way to Senegal to do that? Are there experiences I could have had in America that would have been this formative? If I’m here just to learn, is that another form of exploitation? Am I just using my village’s daily life and culture as a means to only better myself? Maybe I should really focus my efforts on this whole cultural exchange part? 

I don’t know! I don’t know anything!

I’m not sure what my goal is in writing this post, but there was something inside me nagging me to put it down in type and send it into cyberspace. I do really appreciate my service in Senegal so far. I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to go home. But I think this topic is something I will continue to come back to again and again over the next year and a half. Maybe other volunteers will see this and relate or offer some insight? Maybe some history nerds will call me out on all the mistakes I made in the earlier paragraphs? Maybe people will tell me to shut up and get back to the cool tree stuff or post more pictures of my dog? 

Like I said, I don’t know. 

If you got this far, thanks for reading. That’s all for now. 

-Maggie 

*Way earlier in this post I put a little asterisk, if you remember. I have a book recommendation. If you’re interested in globalization, colonialism, and/or potatoes I highly recommend 1493 by Charles C Mann. It’s the story about how the face of the Earth completely changed with the first Europeans coming over to North America. It tells a very, very interesting story and I encourage anyone interested in learning even a little bit to read it. 

[metawitches]

In Snowpiercer episode 4, Sean’s murder is solved, Josie visits 3rd Class, Andre visits 1st Class and Melanie pulls out her bottle of poisoned sake. Andre and the writers go with the “Lolita made me do it” murder defense to explain why a trained soldier killed several people.

This is a disappointing development for Snowpiercer. No matter what layers and nuances the show might add to the scenario later, a young woman has been publicly blamed for provoking the crimes of her abuser. This is an abuse tactic in and of itself.

Recap

Jinju provides tonight’s opening monologue. As she speaks, she prepares a meal of sushi for herself and Bess, starting with gutting the fish and ending with the two lovers toasting each other over beautifully presented food.

Meanwhile, Erik finishes slaughtering Nikki and lovingly examines his handiwork. Presentation also matters to him. He takes care of his appearance, and Sean’s corpse was certainly presented in a very specific way. Nikki’s is as well.

Poor Nikki Genet. The actress spent all that time in the makeup chair and her character’s life was snuffed out before she could share her secrets. Snowpiercer is a big ole fridge.

The dead, bloody fish are juxtaposed with the dead, bloody woman (after Bess was juxtaposed with the cow in another episode) and then the two women eating the fish. Meat eating is equated with cannibalism and women again. This time violence against animals and violence against women are overtly linked. Hello, Vegetarian Ecofeminism.

Jinju”s voiceover: “Adapt. That’s what humans do, isn’t it? Our great leg up. We roll. We hack. Knuckle down and change. Even Snowpiercer is an adaptation. That was classic Wilford. While the world froze and the other mega-rich tried to hole up in bunkers or upload their consciousness, Mr Wilford dusted off his train set. Snowpiercer is his system. Systems resist change, even without their maker. I’m just a scientist. I’m here to save the world. Not change it. I know our chances at surviving are slim at best. All I can do about that is provide small moments of happiness on Snowpiercer, 1,001 cars long.”

I forgot to mention the knives. So many bloody knives on this train. Jinju’s knives and Erik’s knives and the butcher’s knives. Two of those three are definitely murderers. I think Jinju is indirectly a murderer by creating and cooking the suspension drug and the kronole. I suspect that one of the ways she’s found to spread a little happiness is by making and selling kronole.

We return from the opening credits to nighttime in Melanie’s cabin, where she’s working at her desk. Ben knocks and enters. He tells her she’s working too hard and he needs her to take better care of herself. The train depends on her too much for her to overwork herself into illness. Melanie appreciates his concern. He also wants her to ask for help more often.

He means he wants her to learn to delegate more responsibilities, but she asks him to peel her tangerine instead. Control freaks never change. As they share the orange, he asks if she’s found a workaround for the lost cow methane. She has. She’s going to replace it with goat farts (goat methane). They joke that her MIT degree is really paying off. So is her degree from Yale Engineering School.

Later we’ll discover they’re wasting human methane down on 3rd Class.

Melanie has a map of the world on her wall and has written notes on her wall, all around the map, but I can’t make them legible. The map is some kind of polar projection perspective, maybe of Russian origin. The opening credits show Snowpiercer’s track following the outline of the continents (screencaps of opening credits in commentary section). This map makes it easier to see how the continents could be connected by tracks at their closest points.

Roche wakes Andre up to deal with Nikki’s murder. Melanie gets the call telling her that Nikki is dead.

Jinju and Bess linger in bed after spending the night together. Jinju wants Bess to walk her to work, but Bess feels weird about it, because there’s a stigma among Thirdies about dating uptrain. Bess thinks that Jinju doesn’t understand, because 2nd Class can swing in either direction, socializing with 1st or 3rd Class, while the other two classes are segregated among their own kind.

Jinju says they need to put aside old differences, like being from Detroit and San Francisco, and new ones, and start over in what’s left of the world. Then she gets the call from Melanie telling her that Nikki is dead. She answers using her official title, Agricultural Officer.

Melanie finds Klimpt sobbing on floor. After a few words of sympathy, she charges him with redeeming himself by discreetly moving Nikki’s body, then helping with the autopsy in order to obtain essential postmortem data.

She says, “Do you understand what I’m asking you? Will you do that for me, Henry?”

That sounds like she’s asking him for more than observations about how Nikki was murdered. She wouldn’t sound so secretive about forensic data for the case. Does this have to do with “the other work” she mentioned to Jinju?

Andre heard their conversation, but doesn’t say anything about it. Instead, he asks Melanie why she didn’t make an arrest last night, when he gave her the killer’s description. Melanie says she was waiting until morning.

Bess realizes that the borders between classes have been closed all night, since the fight. Andre says that the killer is from 1st. He must have left the fight early to follow Bess and Nikki back to the Drawers, then gotten stuck downtrain overnight when the borders closed. He wouldn’t have had time to get uptrain. Melanie agrees that he must still be in 3rd.

Erik has been in the 3rd Class dining car for hours. When the restaurant switches to breakfast, he moves on, leaving a couple of 1st Class drink tokens behind.

Grey, Ruth, Roche and Till take over the Night Car to develop their strategy for searching for Erik. Roche is either equal to or in charge of Grey. Right now, he’s giving orders to the jackboot commander. Grey and Ruth try to get Andre sent out of the room when Melanie brings him in, so that he doesn’t pick up more details about the train.

Andre argues that he should be involved since he’s the one who obtained the killer’s description. Grey doesn’t want him going to 1st Class either. Andre and Melanie agree to question 1st Class together once the others are busy with the search for Erik.

Andre: “You have to clear that with Mr Wilford, or is that your call?”

Melanie lets Grey know that she decides whether Andre is allowed in 1st Class, not him, and tells Ruth to wake up everyone from 1st who was at the fight. Ruth doesn’t like the idea of upsetting the Firsties. Andre can’t believe she’s more worried about the comfort of the Firsties than finding the serial killer.

Grey will start at the Tail end of the train and Roche will start at the front of 3rd. They’ll do a thorough search and sweep, meeting in the middle at Ag Sec. The subtrain is still closed to all non essential personnel, but Grey will send an extra unit down anyway.

Roche sends Till and Oz to start the search. She’s shocked that Oz hasn’t been suspended for dealing kronole, but Roche maintains that they need everyone for this operation, so she and Oz will have to work out their differences on their own. (Her real problem might be that he ran from the Tailie rebellion, leaving her to be held hostage.)

Commander Grey, with his baton placed like a firearm to signal that he’s a predator on the hunt.

Note the optical illusions caused by the decorative trim at the top and bottom of the image. Miss Audrey has animal furs nearby. She’s dangerous in her own way.

Miss Audrey, dressed in widow’s weeds, makes her entrance down the grand staircase. She shoots Andre a look and he follows her into a private room to speak alone. But alone is never alone on the train, so this is still a coded conversation.

They speak in a padded room. Y’all know padded rooms are normally reserved for the severely mentally ill, right? Maybe some people need the private room experience more than others. Maybe on a super emergency, wearing a straight jacket so they don’t hurt themselves, type of basis.

Once they get in the room, Daveed Diggs and Lena Hall have so much chemistry together it’s ricocheting off the padded walls. It makes me wonder if the characters knew each other before the train. The way the scene is staged and shot is classic film noir, which generally means things are being hidden from the audience and probably from at least one of the characters, though I tend to think these two are co-conspirators hiding their plot from everyone out in the club.

The two circle and pace around each other as they speak, testing whether they can trust each other and whether one or the other is going to attempt to assert dominance, since this is the first time the two leaders have been alone. They’re on Audrey’s territory, but Andre is a man, physically larger and currently has Melanie’s ear. He could be a spy and he could assert physical or sexual dominance. He does neither and shows Audrey respect instead by showing her he values her opinions.

Remember this moment later for his conversation with LJ. He works to earn Miss Audrey’s trust and respect.

By the end, they’ve found at least a temporary sense of balance and trust, so they stand face to face and speak intimately. She gives him a bit of information about Melanie- that she never visits the private rooms. That means Melanie’s needs for intimacy are being met elsewhere, revealing a potential source of information, blackmail and a hostage if it comes down to it. Audrey also tells him that she’s sure there aren’t any leaks among her people. She agrees that Nikki’s death has the Thirdies riled up, but tells him he still needs to move cautiously toward engaging them in a full on revolution.

When Melanie enters, Audrey snaps at her to distract her from wondering what they were talking about. It’s a gutsy move toward the boss who allocates supplies and assigns people to jobs. Maybe Audrey has more on Melanie than she admitted to Andre. Or maybe the Night Car and Audrey are just that essential to the continued functioning of the train.

Andre: “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Miss Audrey: “If the killer’s from First, they’ll only let you get so far, and there won’t be any justice for Nikki.”

Andre: “How’s Third gonna take that? Both victims are theirs.”

Miss Audrey: “That remains to be seen, Detective.”

Andre: “Now that I’ve got a sense of what you do here, I thought you might have a take on it. You know people, high and low. You know their secrets.”

Miss Audrey: “Strict confidentiality. It’s assured in the Night Car.”

Andre: “I appreciate that. Melanie Cavill ever have a session?”

Miss Audrey: “That would be confidential- if the answer wasn’t no- she’s never shown herself like that.”

Andre: “Maybe now she’ll have to. Think Nikki’s death could be a catalyst?”

Miss Audrey: “Catalyst for what?”

Andre: “From what I hear, a lot of workers are pretty fed up.”

Miss Audrey: “You need to step carefully Detective, but, many of us do want change.”

Melanie knocks on the door and enters: “We’re waking First. Audrey, I promise I’ll do everything I can…”

Miss Audrey interrupts her: “Cut the BS, Melanie. You have my support, Detective.”

Miss Audrey leaves the room.

Melanie: “I’m holding the subtrain.”

Andre: “Not a lot of downtrain faith that the powers that be actually want to solve this thing, now that the suspect’s from first.”

Melanie- “I want it solved. And it doesn’t matter which class the suspect is from. Let’s go.”

He tipped Melanie off that he knows she’s Wilford, so she isn’t even bothering to hide that she’s in charge anymore. It must be a scary relief to be honest for once. She says she’ll make sure the murder is solved, but that doesn’t mean she’ll make sure anyone other than Erik, who’s not really a Firstie, is taken down. Or that she’ll delve into the reason why Sean was killed, if she can simply say that Erik was a serial killer who chose random victims.

The Tailies examine the blue chip and discuss what to do with it first and how far forward it will get them. They decide to have one of the sanitation crew use it to leave their breakroom during lunch. One of the Tailies who made the apprenticeship program early on, Astrid, now works making their nutritional bars. If they can make contact with her, they can set up a communication system and contact Andre.

Since Big John is becoming too sick to work, it’s decided that Josie will take his place and use the chip. She’ll blend in more easily than one of the more familiar guys on the crew. Lights wraps Josie’s arm with a cloth bandage, hiding the chip inside.

When the jackboots call for the sanitation crew, Josie joins them. They give her the eye, probably looking forward to the show when they make the crew strip naked and hose them down with cold water. They do this before the sanitation work, possibly trying to stop the Tailies from bringing parasites forward into 3rd, but maybe just as a humiliation tactic.

Melanie walks Andre through a corridor lined with some of the most valuable paintings in the world. Andre is openly disgusted by the greed and hoarding this corridor shows. It’s clear that the lower classes aren’t visiting the museum.

Melanie: “Layton, I was born on a dirt farm in Eastern Pennsylvania. I came from nothing. I know a thing or two about class. That anger that you feel, when you look at all of this? It’s justified. Let’s use it. Whoever the killer is, First is going to protect their own, so you be their worst nightmare from the Tail. I’ll do the rest.”

He takes one more look around, then follows her into the First Class dining car.

At first I thought Melanie might have made up her rags to riches story, but watching how fiercely she says the lines, I think she was serious. She hates the Firsties as much as most of the rest of the train does, but they are part of the order of the train and thus a necessary evil. It would be too disruptive to force them to change, so she tries to keep them under control. I don’t think she was as upset by the loss of the cows as Jinju, since she replaced their functions quickly and the train can be repaired.

But that story was unprecedented honesty about herself from Melanie. It feels like a spider weaving a web to trap an unsuspecting fly. Miss Audrey was right about being cautious. There is an unprecedented level of theatre going on for the rest of the episode, amongst Melanie, Andre, LJ, her parents and the side players. Each has their secrets and goals and is steering the conversation accordingly.

There aren’t many people in the dining car, but a breakfast buffet has been laid out. Andre stalks in, announcing that he doesn’t care who any of them are, but he knows one of them has a thing for chopping off 1st Class male appendages. LJ springs to attention the moment he enters. Now she laughs out loud. She’s been waiting for someone to become her parents’ worst nightmare for the last 7 years.

Andre eats from a serving utensil and speaks with his mouth full. He complains to Ruth that some of the fight spectators are missing. York complains that getting them out of bed for this is uncalled for. “No one from 1st Class has ever been charged with a crime.”

York doesn’t see the irony in his statement.

Andre tells York that he should thank Melanie for his luck so far, but Mr Wilford is taking a different approach this time. Melanie confirms it when Andre points to her.

He asks where the bodyguards are. No one answers.

He asks Ruth how many arms she’s taken in the Tail. When she doesn’t answer, he tells her- 14. That would 13 in the Year 3 Rebellion and Suzanne’s in episode 2. He asks her again, this time in a more serious tone of voice, “Where are the bodyguards?”

Hospitality Deputy Ruth, while wearing her uniform, says in all seriousness, “I didn’t invite the help.”

LJ: “Erik didn’t come home last night.”

Melanie: “He didn’t?”

Robert (Lilah may be the Queen of 1st Class, but Robert is still the King, where the buck stops and the hammer falls.): “No. He asked to leave the fight early and when we came back, he wasn’t here.”

Sharma: “You knew he was missing and didn’t tell us?”

Melanie: “Tell Roche Erik’s a suspect.”

LJ: “He has his gun, too.”

Robert and Lilah: “LJ!”

LJ: “What? I saw he had it with him last night.”

Andre: “He has his gun? There are no guns allowed on the Snowpiercer.”

Sharma: “Our security was allowed to keep their sidearm.”

Andre: “The rest of us were disarmed to keep you safe. I’m going to need to see Erik’s quarters.”

I’m not clear how much of what Andre, LJ and Erik do for the rest of the episode is preplanned and I don’t know if Andre really didn’t know about the guns or not, but he uses this as a turning point. Erik’s been wearing his gun in a thigh holster and visiting 3rd Class all season, so bodyguards with guns should be common knowledge on the train, all the way back to the Tail.

This is my interpretation of what we’re shown.

Lilah refuses to allow Andre into their car. He certainly won’t be searching through their things. She demands to speak to Mr Wilford, on behalf of everyone in First Class. LJ is extremely amused by her parents discomfort.

Melanie looks uncomfortable, but she goes to the phone and pretends to call Mr Wilford. Ben answers and realizes that they’re pretending he’s Mr Wilford again, so he plays along. Melanie explains the situation to Ben/Wilford. Lilah stands her ground until Melanie holds out the phone to her, then she backs down and agrees to let Andre into the Folgers’ car, as long as Melanie is present.

Melanie tells Ben that his services aren’t needed after all. He says, “I miss you, Mel.” She says, “Thank you for that.”

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Erik walks through the Chains, throwing off observers, until he finds the storage space he uses as his hiding place when he needs a break from the Folgers. He goes inside and puts his gun on a crate that also has candles on it.

The sanitation crew, which today includes Josie, Santiago and Last Australian, is brought into their horrifically toxic break room for lunch. It’s so filled with methane from the human waste they work with that the jackboot who escorts them wears a gas mask. It’s awful for them, too, but they’ve grown grown used to living in unlivable conditions, so they push through it. The crew has hidden anything they could scrunge in the cracks and crevices of the room. They pull out pajamas for Josie to change into from her sanitation uniform. It’s the middle of the night, so they figure the pajamas won’t be so noticable. The chip works, so she’s off to find the 3rd Class dining car and Astrid.

In the Folgers’ car, Andre tosses Erik’s sleeping area, rifling through the pages of every book and dumping out every container, then dropping them on the floor, like every TV cop ever. Though he’s quiet and polite as he works, Lilah and Robert are still put out. LJ offers him a beverage. He declines.

Andre notices a framed photo of Erik when he was a Marine. He asks what else they can tell him about their bodyguard. Robert says all they know about him is that they hired him to keep them safe and he did. LJ adds that he saved her life, but Lilah tells her, “It’s not pertinent.”

Wow, he lived with them for 7 years and the adults are going to play it like he was someone they barely knew and had no feelings about. Cold.

Andre finds a flat, squared off tool with a sharp edge. LJ says that it’s a J-hook, used for beekeeping. Erik found it and showed it it to her. She has a defiant look now. Ruth realizes that it’s from Snowpiercer’s old hives. Melanie explains that they used to keep bees until they died from colony collapse 3 years ago. Then the beekeeping supplies were packed up and put into storage. Andre asks them to send Till to find the crate the J-hook came from. While Melanie calls Till, Ruth takes Lilah and Robert into the living room to discuss their strategy for making sure this doesn’t affect the family’s reputation.

Josie sits down with Astrid as she’s eating a bowl of porridge in the dining car. Astrid is thrilled to see her. Astrid is in Food Processing, where she cuts and loads the bars, but she doesn’t have access to ingredients. She tells Josie that Andre is working as a detective, trying to solve a murder.

Josie explains that they want Astrid to make contact with him. She knows that Astrid could get sent back to the Tail for helping them, but they need her. Josie gets distracted by seeing the sun and the mountains outside. Astrid calls her back. They agree that they are OneTail. Astrid gives Josie her bowl of porridge.

Andre finds a stash of Erik’s photos and notices that he doesn’t come from a privileged past. LJ says he had a tough childhood. Andre asks LJ if she thinks Erik is capable of these murders. She replies, “Maybe. He sure wasted those rioters who tried to grab me on the way to Snowpiercer.”

Andre: “Is that when he saved your life?”

LJ: “He joked about being cold-blooded. Born for The Freeze.”

In the other room,  Robert and Lilah assure each other that Erik’s actions don’t need to reflect badly on them. And Erik’s actions certainly weren’t their fault. But Lilah is concerned about the resulting track talk.

Robert: “Over the years, we learned that as a private soldier, Erik did things. That’s what he’s for. Not psychotic murder.”

Lilah: “It can’t come off like we have sheltered a monster.”

It seems clear who the monsters are. But we’re just getting started. It’s not enough to dehumanize the man they lived with for 7 years into a killing machine meant for their personal use. They intend to throw their daughter under the bus, too.

Meanwhile, Andre asks LJ if Erik ever got aggressive or weird with her.

He must have had some amazing sensitivity training back at the police station that led to him using that kind of specific language with a young woman whose best friend and bodyguard has turned out to be a serial killer. With Melanie the judgy ice queen sitting next to him.

Where’s the guy who was so effective with the Tailies after their rebellion? He takes the opposite approach with LJ, poking at her wounds so she’ll shut down and reveal as little as possible rather than making her comfortable so she’ll talk.

In addition to the other complexities of this situation, he doesn’t want her to reveal anything to Melanie that would compromise the revolution. I believe Erik was working for all of the sides on the Train: He was Melanie’s spy and hitman, the Folgers’ bodyguard and drug runner and an occasional rebel Tailie agent as well. Since LJ was with him so much, she knows much more than she even realizes she knows. And she clearly knows a lot.

  LJ glances over at Melanie, then moves to the other side of the room and asks if they really don’t have windows in the Tail. Two can play the embarrassment game, Detective. She opens a shade, letting the light pour in, watching for his reaction, in the same the way he and Melanie are staring at her, watching for her every reaction. In the same way she’s been stared at as a Firstie every time she’s gone downtrain for the last 7 years.

But maybe it’s also an invitation to let some light in on her family’s life and on the activities of First Class.

Before she opens the shade, Andre tells her that most of the people in the Tail haven’t seen the sun in 7 years and asks how that makes her feel. She says that they didn’t have tickets.

Touché. It’s unfair to put the weight of the political system of the train on a child, especially one he doesn’t know, and that political debate has nothing to do with what’s happening to her family right now. It’s his issue, which he’s forcing into this moment because he’s not really investigating a murder. He’s prosecuting a war.

And Melanie is standing right there.

Andre has no idea who LJ is inside and he’s not giving her any reason to show him. If anything, he’s encouraging her to hide behind the walls Erik built around her. Andre doesn’t care about LJ at all, and she can see that. He only cares about what she can do for him. He’s another man who’s interested in using the Firstie princess, like everyone else on the train.

LJ didn’t choose to get on the train or to be a 1st Class passenger. She was forced into her situation and is now trying to cope with her own lack of power or options for the future. She’s just lost the only friend she had who’s showed her loyalty and who wasn’t ancient by her standards or separated from her by class. Everyone else is much older or younger or in the lower classes, and they won’t accept her, as Bess told us earlier.

Where does that leave LJ? Erik was her abuser, but he was all LJ had, in many ways. Her parents are terrible and she probably hates them. Her life is a dead end. Like everyone on Snowpiercer, she has very good reasons to be depressed and even suicidal.

Melanie reminds LJ that Andre asked about her relationship with Erik.

Andre: “Did he tell you things or ask you to keep secrets?”

Andre is asking LJ this to determine whether she knows details about the murders, but these are also standard behaviors for abusers, especially pedophiles. A yes answer would almost certainly mean that Erik was having an inappropriate relationship with LJ, and that he pushed her to keep it to herself.

Andre is toying with LJ’s emotions, trying to box her into a particular corner.

LJ goes wide-eyed, then shifty-eyed, then glances at Melanie and moves to sit down. She doesn’t look straight at either of them the whole time. Finally, she refuses to talk about it. It’s clear the answer is yes, he asked her to keep secrets.

Andre uses a nod of his head to ask Melanie to leave the room. She joins Ruth and the Folgers, asking about LJ’s relationship with Erik. She picked up on their abusive sexual relationship.

But she left LJ alone in the room to be questioned by a strange man anyway. This is a terrible scenario for getting the information they want from LJ. Now she’ll be triggered rather than feeling more comfortable speaking about her abusive, traumatic memories. Normally, you’d want to bring in a young, warm female officer like Till, who LJ could relate to more easily, to do the questioning, not a large man who’s purposely been using threatening techniques.

I believe Andre wanted LJ to be triggered, so that she’d be disoriented enough to go along with his plans for her without thinking them through.

Astrid leaves Josie in a corridor near the breakroom. After they hug goodbye, Josie turns around and sees Miles, now renamed Christopher, walking past another mysterious server farm with a strange woman. He’s telling the woman that his mother would understand. They disappear into a room and don’t notice Josie.

Santiago is panicking in the breakroom, since Josie’s time is almost up. She slips back in with seconds to spare. Her friends help her with a quick clothing change. When the jackboots return to send them back to work, they don’t notice anything amiss.

Bess and Oz are sent to the Chains to search for Erik in the beehive storage closet. He’s still there when they find the closet, but he escapes through the ceiling and leads them on a chase throughout the car.

LJ tells Andre that Erik, who is mixed race, hated his white dad, but he brought some of his father’s old records on the train. While she’s putting one on the player, a cat jumps on the couch and startles Andre. He hasn’t seen one in 7 years. LJ explains that Erik saved Snowpeter’s life, too.

Smuggling the cat on board shows that Erik doesn’t torture animals, one sign of someone who is a psychotic, unfeeling killer. It also shows that he cares about more than the upper classes, unlike most of the Firsties. Since the cat was smuggled on by one of the lower classes to save his life, rather than brought on as a Firstie’s pampered pet, he’s symbolic of the ticketless passengers and shows LJ’s true feelings about them as well.

Andre might still take Snowpeter’s presence as a symbol of 1st Class excess, if he’s never had a mouse problem. We know there are rats on the train and if anything survives the Freeze, it’ll be the mice, rats and cockroaches. Cats are essential.

She plays Bobby Vinton’s Sealed with a Kiss and slow dances as she sings along: “Though we’ve gotta say goodbye for the summer, baby, I’ll promise you this, I’ll send you all my love in letter, sealed with a kiss.”

For the rest of the scene, she acts in a sexualized manner, something we haven’t seen from her before, in actions or dress. She thinks Andre wanted to be alone in the room with her in order to perform sex acts, like he did with Zarah in the Night Car, and Erik and did with her. (The train is a small town with a large rumor mill.)

So, she puts on Erik’s sex music and dances for Andre like she did for Erik. Erik may even have been prostituting her out, with or without her father’s blessing, on their trips to the tail. The “Blue-Eyed Firstie Girl” would draw a good price.

LJ brings up the Tailie cannibalism story. She thinks it’s a good story, because it makes everyone scared of Andre. She’d eat someone to make everyone scared of her, the way they are with the Tailies.

She totally called him on that story. That’s exactly why he told it to Till and Pelton during Sean’s autopsy. Till has been busy creating the Legend of the Tailie Detective, just as Andre planned.

Andre thinks about what she said for a minute. She’s given him an opening he can use to to exploit her for his own purposes. He makes his decision.

“I know this song. So did Nikki Genet.” He tells her he recognizes what she’s saying. He’ll insert her into his official story of the crimes Erik committed.

LJ: “You know, you’re a lot cooler smashing the system than you are being Wilford’s dick.”

(This is about more than just the murders. Erik wasn’t just a hitman with a flare for gruesome crime scenes.)

Andre (chuckles): “Well, maybe we can do both.”

(He understands that. Next he offers his plan and where she fits in it.)

Andre, holding out the J-hook: “Erik ever tell you what he did with this?”

By asking her what Erik did, he’s admitting he knows she’s innocent and putting the ball in her court for a moment. This is her chance to back out and tell him straight out that she had nothing to do with Erik’s crimes. Or they can build a story that includes her in the murders, so that Melanie can’t sweep Erik’s death and all the others under the rug.

LJ gets a sly look on her face. She understands what he’s doing.

Cut to Lilah saying “Never.”

Lilah acts like a mother for once and confesses LJ’s innocence for her, but it remains unheard.

Lilah tells Melanie that Erik practically raised LJ.

He cared about her in his twisted way and probably didn’t involve her in the murders or describe them to her. If she was the Bonnie to his Clyde, it was only after she was extensively groomed. The episode makes the case that Erik wasn’t born a killer either, he was turned into one by the abuse he suffered as a child, his military training and experiences and the oppression he suffered.

Robert insists to Lilah that they tell the truth, because it will come out anyway. He admits that “Erik and LJ are close”.

Robert: “I can’t say no to her. It’s these times. Morality is a moving target.”

After blaming Erik for following orders when told and/or paid to commit violent acts, Robert now admits that he gave a violent adult man permission to have sex with his young teenage daughter under his own roof. Then he blames his teenage daughter and society for his inability to say no.

Robert is a sociopath.

He generally lets Lilah take the fall for him in public, though it’s clear he’s the one with the ultimate power. He attempts to keep his hands clean and his reputation flawless at all times, and when he can’t, he claims he was led astray due to his compassion or some other understandable flaw, while others were the real wrongdoers.

Jinju visits Anton, a tailor in the Chains, to pick up a gift for Bess. Erik wears a hoodie and wanders the Chains anonymously while Bess and Oz search. When they spot him, he steps into Anton’s shop and grabs Jinju. Anton is shocked to see a gun. Erik tells both hostages to be quiet.

Andre tells LJ that they took him out of the Tail against his will to solve Sean’s murder. He doesn’t care how the case turns out. But Erik screwed up by castrating his victims, since that turns a cold-blooded contract kill into a crime of passion. And, according to Andre, castration is a punishment that women lay down on men.

A quick google search will tell you that this isn’t true, but, once again, this is fiction. Layton is sending this story in the direction he wants it to go, just as Melanie and Ruth spend their days doing.

He told LJ they could smash the hated system together, so she’s listening for what he’s offering. She could punish a man named Wilford if she goes along with Andre’s version of events.

Andre: “That wasn’t [Erik’s] idea was it? He was probably just controlling the victim for somebody else, right? So, are we playing your song?”

He holds the J-hook out to her with a small smile. She looks at it for a long moment, then makes her decision and takes it. She continues dancing.

He just asked her if she’s willing to go along with his version of events. By taking the J-hook, she agreed. She doesn’t completely understand the implications of what he just implied.

Andre: “S**t, if I was a blue-eyed Firstie girl, I’d be playing for time, too. Erik’s going down in a blaze of glory, right?”

I’m not completely sure about what he means about playing for time. He must be implying that she’s trying to put off being arrested for as long as possible, hoping she’ll get off, the traditional meaning of the phrase.

But it’s clear that’s not what she’s doing. She’s already turned Erik in and told them where to look for him. That’s the opposite of playing for time. I don’t think Erik planned to go down in a blaze of glory, though I do think he plans to shoot the electrical junction box, so maybe his death is also planned. This episode doesn’t give us all of the information we need to understand what’s happening during the questioning and manhunt.

LJ: “He’s not going to the drawers.”

Andre: “So, no one tells… And you finally got to feel something… When he held those men down for you.”

No one tells… Both Nikki and Erik die in order to ensure their silence. LJ revealed he hadn’t come home after the fight so that he’d be part of Andre’s investigation before the jackboots murder him, rather than after he’s dead when the case will quickly be closed. She also makes sure that he’s killed rather enduring whatever it is they’re doing to people in the drawers. LJ and Erik may have had a suicide pact saying they’d rather die than go to the drawers.

And you finally got to feel something… I’m not sure about this yet- I think he’s giving her something to use in her trial, but it could be what he really thinks of her. She’s not numb inside at all, instead she’s putting up a good front, but anyone who resents her only sees the front, not the fragile bravado. At a trial that’s meant to crucify her and First Class, acting like a spoiled, numb Firstie who killed Thirdies for sport would make the lower classes even more angry, which is Andre’s goal. It’s also a good mask for LJ to wear to help her get through the upcoming ordeal. He probably already guesses he won’t be there for it, but she doesn’t.

When he held those men down for you… She hasn’t seen the bodies up close, so she needs to make sure her story fits the forensic story they tell. He’s giving her the information she needs.

She’s a little overwhelmed by how intense this all is. Then they look at each other with a glint in their eye and the deal is sealed. They play a little game, where she pretends to try to bribe him to let her go, but she’s really offering to actually get the Tailies stuff if they can figure out the logistics.

I believe that she and Erik were drug runners who were taking the kronole from 1st/2nd to 3rd Class, so this isn’t actually as naive an offer as it might seem. (They were getting noodle soup at the 3rd class lunch counter, remember?) She knows the bodyguards, the kronole network and is wealthy. She can use that.

She offers to get blueprints; he counters with guns. We don’t see the end of that conversation, so whether or not they make a deal is left a mystery. But she points at his crotch, where he kept items that Zarah smuggled to him. Maybe she wants to trade sexual favors for whatever she can get him. Maybe she’s telling him others have made that kind of deal, as we’ve seen multiple times.

LJ having access to guns isn’t a surprise. Access to blueprints suggests there’s a sympathetic engineer. Is Ben a double agent?

Back to the manhunt for Erik. Things are getting real. Roche and Grey have pulled the bulk of their men toward the Chains. He has Jinju and Anton sitting on the floor of the shop at gunpoint. He says, “She said this was coming?” Jinju asks him, “Who? Your girl?” Strange that she would jump to that assumption. When Jinju says that, Erik elbows Anton in the head and picks up Jinju, taking her out of the shop with him.

He puts himself in plain sight at the end of the car and lets everyone get a good look at Jinju, train chef and chemist, plus Till’s girlfriend. He fires a shot into the crowd to make sure he has their attention- this part was preplanned. Then he drags Jinju through a set of doors and through 2 cars full of server banks.

Seriously, is every other car a server farm? What are they for? While that would explain their perpetual battery issues, shouldn’t the heat they generate easily heat the train?

When they get to the other end of the car, he opens a hatch to the subtrain. They get down to the next level just before the brakemen and jackboots catch up, led by Till.

Erik takes Jinju a little way down the track, stopping next to a sign that says “Subtrain 778”. He has her stand on the opposite side of the track from him while they wait for law enforcement to catch up. She asks his name, but he doesn’t answer.

When the jackboots reach the ends of the cars to either side of him, he has Jinju turn around and kneel. He tells the jackboots to drop their batons. Then he shoots at an electrical junction box that’s above Jinju’s head. The bullet ricochets off the box and hits Erik in the arm. It leaves a hole in the box with something venting out. Methane? Steam?

Once he’s incapacitated by the bullet, Grey has the jackboots advance on him. He puts up a good fight, but he’s no match for their axes. They hack him to death, then keep hacking until he’s in pieces. Roche calls Melanie to give her the news.

Melanie is still in the Folgers’ car. She’s on the phone a long time and has a strange look on her face. When she tells the Folgers that Erik’s dead, LJ bursts into tears. As Lilah holds LJ, Andre nods to Melanie that she should arrest the Folgers’ daughter.

Andre: “Erik was a dog who did what he was told. And Lilah Junior told him to torture and kill two 3rd Class men.”

The Folgers are outraged. LJ attacks Andre, but the jackboots subdue her.

Seriously? The first murder must have been when she was 12 or 13. She’s quite the femme fatale in the making. LJ thought she was admitting to acting as Erik’s accomplice, whose only crime was the castrations, which would be close enough to cannibalism to make her seem formidable to the train. She’d serve a short sentence in the drawers and then get out, like Nikki. But she wouldn’t be murdered, because there would be no reason to.

By saying that Erik held the men down while LJ committed the crimes, Andre made her the one who was culpable and him the accessory. Andre didn’t tell LJ whether he’d say she or Erik committed the murders. She should have kept her mother, an attorney, in the room during the questioning, in order to avoid this very thing.

As Voice of the Tain, Melanie announces that the killer is dead and another suspect has been arrested. Order has been restored and justice will prevail. Andre asks if she’s in charge of making sure justice prevails.

She offers to buy him a drink in the Aquarium Bar. They toast each other with sake and she asks him what he thinks Wilford’s secret was. He says he just wants to go back to the Tail. She tells him she can’t let him do that. He’s seen too much. And she knows he’s figured out her secret.

He passes out from drugs in the wine. She makes sure he doesn’t get hurt on the way down, then tells him she’s sorry.

Well, as long as she feels bad about it.

Last Australian passes out nutrition bars in the Tail, with the charm of any professional maitre d’. He finds a metal capsule from Astrid hidden in one and brings it to Josie. The message inside says, “Layton’s missing.”

Melanie oversees Klimpt as he preps Andre for the drawer. She tells Klimpt to keep him off book and undamaged.

Commentary

Andre is nothing if not brave. He goaded Melanie into putting him in the drawers with Pike and the other Tailie rebels and she played into his hands. But who would be willing to voluntarily undergo the drawers after everything we’ve watched Nikki go through for the last 3 episodes?

Grey had Erik thoroughly killed so that the story can circulate and become a legend which appeases the masses. We saw Oz weaving a similar story about the rebellion of episode 1. But if 3rd Class isn’t worked up about getting justice over a Firstie murdering Thirdies, they won’t join Andre’s rebellion. He needs a true Firstie on trial.

Is it me, or does Ruth seem to be looking fresher and happier each day, while Melanie looks more frazzled as Snowpiercer’s order becomes harder to maintain? And Ruth is always making sure she keeps Robert, the kingpin of First Class, happy, no matter what. When the military coup happens, does she have plans to become the new Melanie?

The holes  the butcher made to breach the cattle car window looked alot like the bullet hole Erik made in the electrical box. Will the holes in the cattle car window be discovered and used to frame someone eventually?

I can’t imagine that Melanie, Miss Audrey and Zarah are supposed to sisters or even related, but they sure look like they should be. Somebody got Zarah called up out of the Tail and into the Night Car. Meanwhile Melanie and Audrey snipe at each other like two people with a history that goes far beyond a business relationship, especially if we’re to believe that Melanie doesn’t visit the Night Car. There’s some bad blood between them, and Melanie’s guilty enough about it that she lets Audrey speak in openly negative terms to her in front of Andre. Of course, that could be one of the reasons Andre has to go in the drawer at the end of the episode…

Speaking of 19 Century mourning practices (I will later), the hair of the dead was often collected and made into artwork or jewelry as a keepsake, much as we keep the dead’s ashes and sometimes make keepsakes with cremation ashes. Klimpt has been seen with passengers’ hair several times now. Could he be collecting samples for this purpose, since there wouldn’t be a crematorium or cemetery on the train? There might not even be photographs or any way to paint portraits, other than for 1st Class.

In her opening voiceover, Jinju mentions that many of the wealthy uploaded their consciousnesses. Shends by saying she just wants to provide some happiness on Snowpiercer. Nikki said being in the drawer wasn’t like sleep. This makes me wonder if the server banks hold uploaded consciousnesses and the people in the drawers are having their consciousnesses uploaded and experimented on. Did Nikki go to the San Junipero of Snowpiercer’s server banks?

That would add a new wrinkle to Melanie sending Andre to the drawers. Maybe she’s actually showing him another aspect of the train before she brings him in on her rebellion against 1st Class. Server farms suck up an incredible amount of energy. If they hold wealthy people’s minds and much of Snowpiercer’s battery power goes to power servers, it would be an injustice most people aren’t even aware of. “The other work” might be the search for a way to create fast growing human clones and then develop a way to download minds into them.

Jinju’s opening statement, in addition to her scenes with Klimpt, also lead me to believe she’s the one who makes the kronole.

Snowpiercer’s Distortions

This episode is full of optical illusions, mirror images and visual distortions. If you didn’t understand that nothing is as it seems on Snowpiercer before, the scene in Melanie’s cabin should have told you all by itself, between the skewed view of the world (map), the outer layer peeled off the fruit by a different person from the one who was meant to eat it (Eve gave Adam the apple, kids), the reversed image of the name of Melanie’s Ivy League school.

Then there was the way Melanie was up all night, alone, to figure out how to save humanity using goat flatulence. All of those heroes running around all episode, trying to catch a serial killer, and Melanie is busy being the real hero in the dark of night, figuring out how to use goats more efficiently. SO emasculating to the poor jackboots and their leader.

Both Ben and Melanie appeared in the mirror, suggesting he might have a double life we don’t know about yet, maybe just as her boyfriend, maybe something beyond that. Miss Audrey and Andre also spoke to each other while pacing in front of a mirror in a padded room. Contradictions upon contradictions. How are we to ever find the truth with those two?

There were reflected images everywhere in this episode, too many to analyze what it might mean for every character. They’re all spies, they’re all being spied on, they’re all using the black market and the black market is using all of them.

Widow’s Weeds and Proxy Wars

A note about Miss Audrey’s mourning outfit, which she’s wearing complete with the weeping veil, to make sure we know she’s in mourning dress: The custom of wearing of all black, or widow’s weeds, during a long period of mourning, often for a year and a day after the death of a husband or close relative, was at its height throughout the 19th century. It’s particularly associated with Britain’s Queen Victoria because after her husband died in 1861, she wore her widow’s weeds for the rest of her life, another 40 years. In the US, widow’s weeds are also associated with our Civil War, when so many died on both sides and many widows and children were impoverished because there were no men left for them to remarry.

Make no mistake, Miss Audrey is wearing that veil as a symbol of rebellion, to remind Melanie of her failures, and Melanie knows it. Miss Audrey is wearing a 50s/60s version of widow’s weeds, when she’d be mourning her Korean and Vietnam War dead- two Cold War proxy wars in which innocent young men died for the political struggles of the powerful and wealthy.

Similar to the way Sean, Nikki and Erik are dying for Melanie and the Folgers’ Cold War on Snowpiercer.

If you understand Miss Audrey’s outfit, you can solve Sean and Nikki’s murders, understand the kronole drug war and decode what happens to Erik and LJ in this episode.

More on the Power Structure on the Train

First, a little more of my theory of what’s happening on the train: My current guess is that the Folgers are the drug kingpins who ultimately finance and control the kronole trade, and probably other black market businesses, but Lilah and Robert don’t get their hands dirty. York is the COO who takes care of the daily drug and gambling operations, maybe more, such as prostitution, blackmail and protection for all of those independent small businesses in 3rd.

Erik and the other bodyguards are drug runners and possibly in collections for gambling debts and protection money. Jinju is the kronole cooker. She’s probably its inventor. Klimpt was covering for her, but he’s also heavily involved in the black market and probably in the drug market. He may actually be the one to hand kronole off to a courier, as he said.

That makes a minimum of 3 factions on Snowpiercer- Melanie’s official Authoritarian State, The Tail, and the First Class Business Empire. There’s also the military and the 3rd Class, with its independent economy of artists and small businesses. Roche seems loyal to Melanie and Grey seems loyal to the Folgers. Grey also seems like he might be using the Folgers until he can seize control of the entire train in a military coup. Roche seems like his loyalty is real. For now, we should probably count the military as a fourth faction which can act independently, split in two or side with one of the other factions.

The same is ultimately true of 2nd and 3rd Class, since they are made up of individuals. Most of 3rd Class might side with the Tail, but they like to eat and have heat, too. Melanie provides that and there’s no evidence that the Tailies have thought through how they’d keep the lights on after their rebellion. They have to show they have engineers and ag workers on their side and can keep the train running, in good repair and continue to produce food, not just provide social equality, before people will fully support them for the long term. Otherwise, they may manage a rebellion, but the people may want a return to Melanie’s or Grey’s order soon after.

The Night Car is the final faction. It’s still a mysterious place, but if even 1st and 2nd Class use its services, it will make up for its small size with power and influence in the underground economy. The treatment and behavior of Miss Audrey seems to suggest that this is true. Audrey has made it clear from the start that she’s on the side of revolution, but she prefers to move slowly and carefully. She might not like having her hand forced by Andre.

Even without the Tailies’ rebellions, there is constant tension, which rises occasionally to Cold War status, between the other factions in the rest of the train. Sean, Nikki and Erik all fell victim to this. Andre knows much more about the front of the train than we were led to believe at first, but it’s not clear how well he understands these political nuances.

His goal is apparently to smash the entire power structure, rather than to actually work with any of the leaders he’s seemed to make alliances with in order to restructure the system so it’s more just. Out here on the planet’s surface, you can theoretically smash the system and still get food and water and other resources while your country is in complete disarray.

Snowpiercer, on the other hand, is a delicate system that may go into a death spiral if not carefully handled, or so we’ve been told. There are still a lot of secrets, like what those endless banks of servers are doing. Are they full of people who are waiting for the thaw and new, cloned bodies? Are they the real, resource sucking 1st Class who contribute nothing to Snowpiercer’s survival?

Or do those servers hold the sum total of all human knowledge, including the genome for every living thing which had its DNA sequenced before the Freeze? When Melanie calls Snowpiercer an ark, is that what she means? Does the train hold the possibility of cloning lost species?

Beyond the servers, maintaining the health of the living things, including the plants, animals and people, on the train under such harsh conditions, for such a long time, would be next to impossible. Anyone who’s ever gardened or kept tropical fish can tell you that living things don’t do well outside of their natural environment. It’s hard work to maintain an artificial environment even when you can order what you need from Amazon.

There’s a reason Jinju and Melanie are the two most stressed people on the train. I believe Andre’s heart is in the right place, but because he’s been sheltered in the Tail, I’m afraid he’s not taking all of the variables into account and will kill the experts he needs to keep the train alive. Revolutions often succeed, only to have their countries fall into years of chaos or fascism. Andre might underestimate the power held by the Folgers and Grey, who will work together to seize control. They do understand how the train works and they’ll simply enslave the people who are essential to its survival.

Misogyny, Oppression and Child Soldiers

In 2020, it’s not okay to use the “Lolita/Eve Made Me Do It” defense, especially when Lolita/Eve is being framed to benefit a man. Even in war. By using LJ as a pawn, Andre proves that he’s no better than Melanie. I suspected that they were essentially the same character and that his warmth was just another tool in his arsenal. This proves it.

Andre and Melanie have the same fatal flaw. They both want to save people as an abstract idea, but in practice, they are willing to sacrifice or betray any individual in service of their goal. The end justifies the means, whether the means is a child of the enemy or their own spouse.

Perhaps even their own child. The Folgers have crossed that line. It’s not clear yet whether Andre has gone beyond using the idea of Miles and used Miles himself. Like LJ, Miles has certainly volunteered to be used as a child soldier for Andre’s cause.

Winnie has already been used in the rebellion. Suzanne took responsibility for sending her tiny daughter into battle and took the punishment for her, which was the right thing to do. Winnie was blatantly used because of her size. It’s not clear how much she even understood of what she was doing and she’s too small to defend herself from enemy soldiers.

The Tailies are desperate and crossing lines, while Andre is bragging to Melanie that his people are better than that. They’re not. They’re as oppressed as people can possibly be and they work hard to make their lives better in a variety of ways. But they aren’t a utopia and they aren’t better people than the ones in the front of the train.

Everyone has lines that they won’t cross. I guess cannibalism isn’t that big of a deal to Andre, since he brags about it. The exploitation of children for sex and war is my line in the sand. Andre crossed that line and I can’t look at him the same way now.

The Folgers are much, much worse, since they aren’t fighting wars against deprivation and oppression. They are just sociopaths who sacrificed their own child for profit and their own convenience.

But I’m worried that Andre and the writers look at LJ and see a spoiled rich girl who’s never wanted for anything and dares to complain about her petty problems when put alongside the overwhelming problems of the Tail.

My issue is, why is it a competition?

The Tail’s problems are extreme, and should never be forgotten, but their existence doesn’t mean that LJ doesn’t also have a dead end life, monstrous parents and a serial killer, pedophile boyfriend who began sexually abusing her when she was too young to consent, with her cold-blooded parents’ permission. That’s a horrific existence. No one should have to live with their rapist and his gun in a train car. LJ was fighting her own war, and she finally won, only to be drafted into Andre’s war.

Miles had people who loved and educated him, even in the extreme deprivation of the Tail. LJ had psychopaths who used her, but she had enough to eat. She did not have a healthy childhood, anymore than Erik did.

Images Courtesy of TNT.

Snowpiercer S1E4: Without Their Maker Recap- Sean's murder is solved, Lolita gets blamed, Josie visits 3rd Class, Andre visits 1st Class, & Melanie pulls out her bottle of poisoned sake. The Revolution approaches. OneTail #Snowpiercer In Snowpiercer episode 4, Sean's murder is solved, Josie visits 3rd Class, Andre visits 1st Class and Melanie pulls out her bottle of poisoned sake.