#y’all im turning into cloudy

[larz-barz]

HELP IM TRYING TO DRAW CHILD MILO BUT IM FAILING AT THE EYEBROWS-

I still have to shape out the face and everything, but I wanted to ask you:

What emotion is baby Milo feeling?

Is her jaw soft or sharp?

Is her hair the same length as it is currently?

I hope you'll like it! Love you! <333

milo’s eyebrows are naturally slanted so she always looks kinda sad:)

she was a generally shy but happy child so she’s probably one of those 2 emotions, more than likely happy tho!:3

she has a soft jawline (it makes her look a lil baby faced even as a teenager into adulthood)

her hair length is to like her butt

you didn’t ask this but as a child her hair was borderline curly and her bangs are the same:)

i can’t wait to see the finished product! it looks great so far!^^

@cloudymistedskies look at the tags, i’m turning into you

[larz-barz]

fr tho

tumblr tags are soooo awesome btw. you can tag anything and theres a 50% someone will read it

[certainlynotasimp]

Hii, i think a good idea for a one shot could be that there's a canon event where the spiderperson!reader have to do the iconic Spiderman kiss in their universe, like Spiderman 3 (toby's one) with Gwen stacy or whoever you want, but they are in a relationship with Miguel LMAOOO btw im sorry if there's something wrong with the grammar, english is not my first language <3

Rewrite the Stars

((Miguel O’Hara x Female! Reader))

A/N: A non Sunny x Miggy post? How odd for me lol. I’m so sorry this is super late and to everyone whose requested, I’m working slowly but surely on y’all’s stuff. If you wanna read some stuff in the meantime, here’s the Masterlist and feel free to join my discord.

A/N: I tried doing the you/yours pronoun thing because this isn’t a Sunny fanfic but I really don’t like it lol.

Warnings: Jealous Miguel?, Unrequited/Forbidden? Love, Female Reader/Female Pronouns, Barely use of Y/N, and no Spanish this time ((I’m trying to find a new translator and hopefully an editor))

The universe.

One of life’s greatest mysteries. A mass of stars and galaxies that housed so many lives within its many pockets. The lives of so many people whose lives were already written within its cloudy arms and their ends cemented in its pools of nothingness.

A beautiful cycle of cruelty and destiny.

A cycle that was the reason for your utter misery as you sat at a bar listening to your dimension’s Ben Riley blabber on about some football game you cared nothing about.

His oblivious brown eyes sparkled at the fascination with the game as his dimpled smile accentuates his sharp jawline. The warm lights from above caused a healthy glow to bounce off of his shaggy blonde hair, almost making him look like an angel. You can see why Spiderverse assigned him as your love interest.

In your earth’s canon, you were a typical woman who had gotten bit by a radioactive spider during a high school field trip and you spent your entire high school experience thrashing goons instead of chasing boys. Even helped take down some aliens with the Fantastic Four and the Avengers at times before college finals. Spiderwoman was New York’s beloved hero and the cockiness of being its one and only SpiderWoman quickly got into her head.

That was until six months ago.

Six months ago, you were fighting the Vulture over the Empire State Building when another, more mutated version of the same villain appeared. They both decided in your state of delirium over the doubles that you would be a good plaything.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, I didn’t ask for a combo with my chicken!” A feminine spider’s voice screeches as she avoids the hooked talons of the erratic variant.

The two villains took turns flying menacingly around the scope of buildings to throw the hero off of their location while the other swooped in and tries to rip her throat out.

As she attempts to escape the feathered monster, its companion would come and slice away the web of salvation, continuing the vicious cycle.

Blood blinded her vision as the loud ringing at the base of her skull grew louder. The causes of that annoying alarm grasp their razor claws into her shoulders before sweeping her exhausted body into the air with a victorious snarl.

‘I guess this is the end…’

As the heavens draw closer to her doom, her life hanging up by the slicing of her muscles and bones, a glimmer of fate happens. The warmth of a flash barely registers as the first ache disappears with a startled squeak and a burly force. The sudden change in feeling takes her breath away as she suddenly begins to plummet below.

Her eyes quickly adjusting to the suffocating drop, she can see that one of the Vultures was now fighting an even more prominent blue figure, his howls of pain and unintelligible cursing heard from the stumbling brawl.

As the flash from her familiar foe reaches around the building, she shoots her web at him and used him as a glider.

“Time to ground you, birdie!” She yells as she throws the villain through a window. Catching her grip on the building, she looks at her new foe in the sky and the wind is knocked out of her from the sight.

The man who saved her was in a futuristic spider suit with his mask now off. His dark hair flutters in the wind as the setting sun makes his tanned skin glow. His red eyes glare at the wiggling mutant as his full lips pull back into a snarl. His jaws open revealing a set of large fans before he plunged them into the mutant.

Who the hell is that?

~~~~~~~~~

“(Y/N)?…” Ben frowns as he realizes his date was lost in her thoughts.

You snapped out of your head and fake an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I was remembering something….”

That wasn’t a complete lie. You remembered the day you met Miguel O’Hara. The Spiderman of the year 2099 and the leader of the inter-dimensional Spider Society. The anomaly that had come into your world had brought the two together and you were recruited due to your stubbornness, much to Miguel’s annoyance.

~~~~~~~~~

“No.” His annoyance dripped from these words as he glares down at you. You were caught in wonder at the idea of there being other Spidermen and that they worked together to stop the collapse of the entire universe. The thought seemed too good to be true that you just had to ask if you could join until those red eyes shot your dream through the heart.

“What do you mean ‘No’?” You ask in disbelief. Your own eyes glared deep into his soul as your hands balled into fists. “I’m a Spiderman just like you! How could you-!”

“You are not like me.” He coldly snaps at you, your ranting briefly interrupted as the man towers over you. His clawed hand grasps your face as his glare sets a spark of fury down in your chest.

“You will never be like me and you will never-!” “Is that our new recruit?” A smooth British accent appears behind Miguel as a spiked-headed Spiderman peeks around his bulking figure.

“No, she’s-” The tall punk pulls you away from Miguel with a mischievous laugh as he introduces himself. “Ello, love, my name is Hobie. Hobie Brown.” He leans down with a sly smirk as his mischievous attitude infests your being like a plague. “Just play along, mate. Let’s riffle this wanker’s undies.” He whispers as you giggle.

“Nice to meet you, Hobie.” I allow a sly smirk to slide onto my face as I look back at the now very annoyed Miguel. “My name is (Y/N) and I’m happy to join.”

~~~~~~~~

The distant sound of screams filters through the bar as the distinct sound of a car being tossed into another building.

Looking at my gizmo disguised as a watch, you realized that the canon event was starting.

~~~~~~~~

“You did well today,” Miguel admits under his breath. Looking at him in shock, you realize that he wasn’t scowling like he normally was. He had a softer expression, his eyes shining with approval as his lips quirked into a mimic of a smile.

The mission had almost gone rouge with the escape of a prowler and him hiding low in a crowded dimension. Despite the obvious danger, Miguel opted to go alone like usual, but his lack of spider sense caused him to get caught up in a trap. Talons and Fangs don’t really help if you can’t exactly move around to use them, so he ended up taking serious blows.

Luckily, you managed to get there and tumble with the villain long enough for the others to rescue Miguel, and the team managed to recapture the prowler. Of course all of them looked pretty bad injuries wise, but the look Miguel had as you sat there bandaging up his wounds made it worth it for some odd reason.

“Thanks Boss.”

~~~~~~~~

June 27th : SpiderWoman of Earth 648 will rescue love interest, Ben Riley, from an attack against The Rhino….

The roaring of the mechanical beast fills the panicked screams of the patrons as the sinking feeling falls in your chest. Ben is quick to play the hero like any guy would as he grabs your arm and drags you out towards the emergency exit. Just like the timeline said it would.

You use the chaos to your advantage as you pretend to trip and get lost in the crowd of people struggling to escape from the emergency exit.

~~~~~~~~~

“What do you mean by that?!” I snapped at an irritated Miguel.

Lyla was surprisingly quiet as she watched the duo argue. Miguel whips around at you as his ruby eyes scorched into yours. His talons point at you accusingly as he reiterates your next canon event.

“On June 27th, you are going to be out on a date with Ben Riley. The Rhino is gonna attack that street and you’re gonna save everyone, and afterwards you’re gonna have to kiss him.” His frustration evident as his permanent frown creases.

You stare into his eyes in defiance as you coldly utter, “No. I’m not gonna kiss Ben Riley.”

“And why not? He’s your love interest!” Miguel exclaims, obviously more furious than before. “You’re the Peter to his MJ. You gotta kiss him because you’re destined to be.”

“I don’t love him! I don’t even like his whiny ass!” You snap as you felt your frustrated tears roll down your face.

It’s true. Before you joined this team, you would have been thrilled that you were destined to be with Campus Hunk Ben Riley. He was everything you could ever want from a guy. He was good looking, sensitive, athletic, and social able. The all around good guy you would be proud to bring home to your folks.

But…

Sharp grasp on your shoulder alerts your attention back to Miguel as he slams you back against the desk. His eyes burning embers as he glares down at you.

~~~~~~~~~~

Changing into your spidersuit, you began to fight The Rhino with a distracted daze in your movements.

The memory from a week prior burning in your mind as you sloppily avoided cars and harsh blows. After a few well timed flips and back kicks, the brute decides to throw a large street cleaning truck towards the alleyway. Just like Lyla predicted when she handed you the file.

The Rhino is gonna throw a street cleaner towards the alleyway where Ben is. SpiderWoman will stop the truck before impact and sling it back towards The Rhino ending the fight.

~~~~~~~

“And why is it that you are being so difficult?!” He snaps as his fangs glimmer from his scowl. A cute trait you used to love about him until it was pointed at you. “You are no better than a spoiled child with how you are acting so you better have a good fucking reason!”

You growl back at him with a tear rolling down your enraged face.

He had no right to argue with you about your life, not when he’s the one making it difficult.

~~~~~~~

Shooting a web out towards the buildings, you catapulted yourself into the air and landed in front of the truck. Quickly reusing the web with some enforcements, the truck was bounced back to the The Rhino. The enormous foe gets trampled by the machinery as the crowd cheers for SpiderWoman’s dreaded victory.

“Way to go SpiderWoman!!” A familiar voice joins the crowd as I see Ben on the ground, obviously he either tripped or fell back to avoid the truck. You offer a hand towards him as you thank him softly.

“Thank you.” I faked the smile in my voice as the crowd disappears, leaving the two of you in the alley way.

~~~~~

Finally snapping at him, you yell out in fury,

“BECAUSE HE’S NOT YOU!”

With a frustrated slap to Miguel’s face, you run past him and escaped back to your dimension, heartbroken over how the events to come and what just happened that despite everything you couldn’t change fate.

No matter how many times you fell asleep during long nights talking on his observation deck. No matter how many playful sparring matches turn into flirty comments. Not even the little gestures of bringing the grumpy spider his coffee and him bringing you some sweets during meetings could change that the star already written your path.

You fell in love with a man who isn’t meant to be yours.

~~~~~

It’s been a week since that fight and you still haven’t seen or heard from him. It hurt to know that your confession was brushed aside while you had to continue the continuity. You half at least expected him to be here to make sure you at least followed through with the canon event.

“Would you like a swing home?” I offer just like I’m supposed to. The moment that was meant to be a nervous beginning to a love story felt like the beginning of heartache as I watched a blush form on his face.

“Sure,” he answered before a flash of realization that his date was suddenly not with him. Another trait you wouldn’t have noticed if you were as in love with him as you were suppose to be.

“Hey my date isn’t here…I think she got hurt or lost during the panic.” His concern caused a pang of guilt to stab her in the chest.

Recovering quickly, you shoot out some webbing and playfully hang upside down infront of him. “Well I guess that swinging date will have to be postponed.”

“Wait it was gonna be a-!”

Quickly, you pulled down the mask enough to deliver a quick peck to his rambling mouth. You force out a giggle as he stood looking at you flabbergasted.

“See ya, Riley.” You swing off as the man bumbled to even ask how you knew his name.

Lyla just said it was a kiss, not a what kind of kiss.

With a heavy heart, you swing back home as you tried to remember that this was all for the sake of the canon. That Miguel didn’t care for you the way you did for him. You tried your hardest to tell your aching heart that those past few months were you just making too much out of nothing.

You mournfully entered your apartment through the bathroom window you normally kept unlocked . You stripped away the skin tight fabric before wrapping yourself in the familiar comfort of your robe as you exited the room into a dim lit living room.

You heart stick in your chest as you see Miguel standing there in your living room in his bright blue spider suit and a beautiful spring lily in his hand.

“Miguel? What are you doing here?…” You ask as yoy warily approach him, scared he’s gonna do something to you.

He shakes his head, refusing to answer as he hands you the flower. It’s soft white petals shining in the pale moonlight as you smile fondly at it. They were your favorite flower. Something you told Miguel a million times before.

Before you could thank him for the kind gesture, a soft thump above you alrets you to look up. A spindle of glowing webbing cascaded down the ceiling with the large spiderman now suspended upside down from it. His free hand caresses the side of your face as his eyes stared softly into yours.

“I can’t change the canon, mi amor…” he whispers sadly before mischief lights up his molten gaze. “But we certainly can try to rewrite the stars for us.”

An excited nod from you causes his chest to rumble as he pulls you into a slow passionate kiss.

You were glad this is a canon event for spider men despite it not going as planned.

[solardick]

I doubt im getting back to normality” any time soon. Oh, Sightly loathing. You are a something to see. It’s being built up again. I suspect another crisis. Im losing count. The jupiter in aqua is an awefull piece of shit as my brother would say. On the positive side of abuse and harrasment. And placement. And despair. Hig ols steliem of demons. Is what the centaurs are. Playing this horrorscope to a T. Destruction. And glee. Glee? Yeah glee. Its the most consistent thing inknow from others. Its just there. And yet not one person. Noy one person had come forward other than yo gleem a peice of info. Like y’all fo here. Looking for something? I got plenty.

Anyway. I was thinking. a or the other way of writting it. And, o, e, c. Probably a dead end. Maybe not. Blind fool. O fool, the E fool and the high priestess. There it is again. And something new. We got two pillars. An innocemt fool amd a “guilty fool. And the Oo death card. Whichbis neat being a card that uses the letters on the card to speak it own play. Its a passage of time. And a glimpse of the future amd the fear ewith death on thr consequences if it isnt speaking something else also. The distant and the present.

The more convinced i become that this card is wuite magical indeed. And a right slection. Whoch was waiting to be plugged in. Wasn’t my choice. Just the body. The things that come to when one is in solitary.

The marseille fool. The current E-fool. Is a negative figure. I preffer the negative figure. It just nakes more sense. Symbolically. I mean you can try and bend the rules all yah want. So that it fixed as a projection. Cant use waites fool. For that. The blind fool is best. Spwaks the same message and then some. Without all the fancy excesorries. They played the marseeille fool on me. Didn’t really fit cause their wrong but. They dont listen

Know what. Im gonna talk openly about my love for jesus. To everyone around me. Would you kiss jesus with the mouth?! Jesus. Come, here. This guy wants a kiss. Yeah thats what inthought shut the fuck yp. The current list of demons” are called pests. Pestilence. Bzz bzz. Go be by myself. They make sure they fallowed me around and rub in how much they enjoy being cunts.

Well lets put the crusofix back on. Since that is my life. And watch all these cunts give me a hard time. Hey look the weather report id wrong. Its usually spot on to thr minute. But not today its raining out. Not cloudy.

Just because i believe in god doesnt mean i have to be polite about. Hlaf the world is busy sucking eachother off, createing single peramt families and being cunts anyway.

The term cocksukr is poli numerous or however its called. If its been seperated into its original

Teo words. Its literally all in the eye of the beholder. People eat cocks all the time. And to be called a sucker. Means what? Point made.

Oh shit! Its a dove. Good. Doves are good. God agrees with me. The problem

With eating a bird. Requires destruction of natural resources.

Alright. Do an std screening and if thats negative get a rectal cancer screening. If i have to wear a diaper for the rest of my life. Im backing out.

Moral of my life. Dont be an incompetant retard and have children.

n dit turns out god was right when the crows warnes mw agaisnt nate on the day he said we would be working together. He’s just another fucktard that wnjoys fucken with people. Though its weird how he mostly just specificcalt warned me about him. Pudgy batman and the neurotic troll too. To anlesser degree and the others.. not muchnof anything. Odd. Probably because the others dont try and hide it.

After this grouo of people messing with me i womder who the next group will be.

Place after place year after year. Since childhood. Born in hell.

Anyway god. Thanks for looking out for me. In this world full of narcissists. Taken joy in ruining my life. But i dont need it. You’re wasting your time. All life is is other people hurting me. Its all its ever been. Father’s a narsicist. He always showed me elation when talking about having the upoer handover someone. The smiles he used to gove me instead of giving me guidance. Like you used to say about Tony’s father. “I used to use as a punchign bag” said it multiple times when a smile on his face. All life is is this. After 30 years. Of constant upgeaval. I dont want to be alive anymore. Sont waste your time on me. Im not surviving much longer.

Inwish i was a narsicist peice of shit too. Maybe id have a life and be a degwbweate fucktard to the rest of humanity toi and have a sens eof acconomishment. Like lak these others. Ive been beaten since i was 13. Dead since i was 13. They’re never going to stop. I dint know what life is not being fucked with. Its always been this way. An dinknow that theyre never going to stop. They take oleasure in it. Over 30 years mu entire life is other people hirting me. So i doesnt matter what i do. Im stuck her essrroinded by criminal assholes. How have been taling my existance since birth. So just go away. And stop trying to help me. I need them gone. Or your efforts are useless they laugh and mock you god. Leave me be. And let me die. I dont want yiur help anymore. Im not allowed to be myself. Surrounded by all these fucken cocksukrs.

I thought about going to go see for soem help for my psychosocial issues. But then i realized that these faucktards have been engeneering me to be this way. Somits pointless cause its not really me. Its them. I wish there was a lesson for me to learn in allnof this. But theres not.after this many years. Theres notheing to learn. Thats isn’t isnt actually the real world. Its a torutee chamber i was born in. And have been a target in sinve birth. Theres nothign to take away from it.

I have a life sentence of being fucked woth foe other reason then being born. Im hoing to start leaving my door unlocked so, y’all can vome in freely and drug up my food again. And do whatever sicknand twisted y’all want to do to me. 39 and i still dont know what havign a sense of securoty feels like. Womder what it feels like being libed and having someone hows got your back. I womder what it feels like not havign an environemnt animinical to uour well being. I wimder what it feels like being a narcissi t peice of shot. Womder whatn it feels like feelig. Rightious while destroying and slowly killing soemones life. Wonder what it feels like havign responsibility for someone else life. Womder what it feels like beign there and supporting someone you know isn’t fucking with uou. Winder ehat life would be like not being raised by enemies. Wo

We what its like not being an object of ridicule. Womder what its like havign i sider i formation on my own life. The world had been plotting agaisnt me sonce i was a child. I wish there was soemthign to learn in life. But, theees not. Ive already learnt wverything 30 years ago. I have a teachers personality. And everyone treats me like im a in now at all bettwr than thou charecter. Its easier to lear. While you teach. To bad being a study means you never learn anything. Eomder what its like not being serroundd by criminals. Havign people, shoving dick and drugs in your face everyday. Been that way since choldhood. Its never going to change.

Hey its my birthday tomorow. Wonder what sick twosted bs their going to gove me. My retarded invred family will

Probably send me money. Ugh. More cash to donate to charity supposed.

[lightboundhellhound]

The Wolf Who Cried Boy

no proofreading we die like warriors

why write the actual book when i can write fanfiction about it? 🥴🥴🥴🥴 hope y’all like this expansion of aidans character!! im trying really hard to write it in a way that’s accurate to who he is but this bitch is so difficult to write lmao hope you enjoy!!!

Summary: Aidan is pursued by a hunter while in wolf form. How will he get out of this one?

Characters: Aidan, Elsie, Keith (briefly) Emilio, Jenny, Mikayla, Alexis

Warnings: gunshot wounds, technically animal harm? complicated, hospital, cop discussion, and some existential crisis at the end! i think that’s it but lemme know if i missed anything!!

Word count: 2,631

~

Aidan released a breath as he transformed, hair growing all across his body, canine ears sprouting from his head, his face stretching into a muzzle. The process was painless, but uncomfortable. Being in the body of a wolf was taxing on his brain, as it didn’t know how to handle such a feeling, but regardless, it was worth it.

He took off running into the darkness, traversing amongst the trees. He felt the wind in his fur, tickling his skin as he ran. He felt powerful, as though nothing could stop him.

Wolves have a weakness, though. Hunters.

BANG!

Aidan yelped and hit the ground. Pain radiated across his left front leg. He whimpered as he tried to stand. It was no use.

I may have to transform back, he thought. But I’ll be naked, fuck that.

He tried once more to stand, balancing more on his right side than his left. He began walking back from where he came, needing to return to the Riker Institute.

He heard a rustling from behind him and picked up his pace. Some voices trailed through the air but he couldn’t pick up on what they were saying. As they got closer, their voices became clearer.

“I don’t wanna!” a young boy cried.

“It’s in pain now, you know that, right?” an older voice said. “Put it out of its misery!”

“I can’t!”

“You took the first shot, now take the last one.”

“I thought one shot would be enough, I didn’t sign up for this!”

“Then give me the gun!”

Aidan needed to transform. He needed to show these people that he was human. He didn’t like that he would be naked, but what other choice did he have? If he died he would transform back and be both naked and dead. It wasn’t a worthy hill to die on.

He focused as best he could on his human form, but found that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t transform. He was stuck like this. How could he possibly get out of this alive?

The father and son were still arguing over the gun. Aidan stopped and turned just as the son began to hand it to his father.

He didn’t know what else to do.

He lunged at the gun and grabbed it in his mouth. A shot fired.

Aidan felt numb across his entire body, his ears ringing from the sound of gunfire. He froze in place, waiting for the pain to sink in.

It never did.

The father fell to his knees.

Aidan dropped the gun.

The son rushed to his father’s side, seeming to forget about the wolf that stood before them. Aidan didn’t know what to do.

So he ran.

As fast as he could on three legs, he ran.

He reached the clearing where his backpack sat with clothes to change into once he transformed back. His head was too cloudy to even try now.

Did he just kill a man?

No, did he just kill a man and flee the scene?

He was starting to get dizzy, either from the shock or the blood loss. He looked down at his mangled leg. Big mistake.

Seeing it only made the pain more real. He began to whimper and whine as his vision blurred. He fell to the ground on his side, and everything faded away.

~

He awoke, still in his wolf form. He saw a bright light and wondered if he was dead. Then he smelled the overly sterile scent of a hospital.

No, a veterinarian’s office.

Who took him to a vet and why? Could vets even operate on wolves? He supposed the biology was similar, but wolves were wild animals.

That’s when he noticed the muzzle over his snout.

“Easy, easy,” a gentle, feminine voice hushed. “It’s alright, you’re safe.”

Aidan whimpered.

“I know it hurts, but you’re safe, it’s okay.”

The vet paused for a moment before leaving, but she was close enough for Aidan to pick up her words with his advanced hearing.

“Surgery went well, and he should be better in a couple weeks. Once he’s healed, we’ll release him back into the wild.”

Back into the wild? No, he needed to get back to the Riker Institute. If they took him to the wild, there was no telling where he’d be. He would likely be lost.

“Thank you for letting us know.”

Was that… Elsie?

“Yeah, we were really worried.”

And Keith?

“Of course,” the vet assured them. “If you’d like, you can write down your phone numbers and I can let you know if anything happens.”

Yeah, like if I turn into a human, Aidan thought.

He focused on his human form, trying his best to transform. His head was pounding and his vision was swimming. Why could he not turn back?

Last night it made sense, he was too panicked. Why now, though? Was he on too many wolf painkillers?

He passed out for a while and awoke in an outdoor pen. He was alone. Plenty of time for him to think about his actions.

Was that hunter okay? He hoped so. He couldn’t handle that kind of blood on his hands. Killing bad guys was one thing, but an innocent person? Aidan couldn’t stomach that.

The vet from before suddenly approached the pen, a smile on her face. “Hey. Feeling better?”

Not really.

“Got some guys from the Riker Institute here, and apparently one of their trainees went missing. An Earthmancer. An Earthmancer who likes running through the woods as a wolf. Know anything about that?”

A chill went down Aidan’s spine.

“Can you not transform back?”

Aidan shook his head.

“Why not?”

Aidan just stared up at her.

“Well, we should probably get you back where you belong, so you can be healed. Hopefully you’ll be able to turn back soon.”

The vet opened the door and let Aidan go, and she led him to where Emilio and Jenny were waiting.

“Aidan, you troublemaker,” Emilio teased. “How long were you gonna keep up the charade, hm?”

“He can’t seem to transform back,” the vet explained. “He’s stuck like this.”

“Interesting,” Jenny said. “Could it be a mental block? Caused by the gunshot wound, maybe?”

“Possibly,” Emilio agreed. “We’ll take it from here, Dr. Caulfield, thank you.”

“Take care.” She looked down at Aidan. “Especially you, Aidan.”

He felt almost embarrassed to be alive.

Aidan got in the back of the car, sleeping most of the way. Once they got back to the Riker Institute, he got out of the car.

“Something’s preventing you from shapeshifting,” Emilio said. “I don’t know what it is, but we’ll figure it out. Can you try again?”

Aidan nodded and sat in the grass. He focused all his energy on transforming. His skin tingled, but otherwise nothing.

“Maybe you need to heal first,” Jenny suggested.

“Injured Earthmancers can shapeshift if they choose to,” Emilio pointed out.

“Advanced Earthmancers. Graduated Earthmancers. Aidan’s only in his second year.”

“True. Alright, let’s bring you to a Starchaser for healing. Who has high marks in healing, do you know?” he asked Jenny.

“I’m not sure, maybe Erica would know? She’s the Starchaser trainer.”

“Let’s go find Erica, then.”

Aidan followed the two of them to Erica’s office, trying not to think about the stares he was getting. She told them that the trainee with the best healing abilities was Mikayla Dennison. Off they went to find Mikayla.

He was in his room with one of his roommates, Alexis. He saw Aidan and quickly grabbed his crutches, getting to his feet and stumbling backwards a bit.

“Is that a wolf?” he asked cautiously.

“Aw, cute!” Alexis cheered.

Aidan huffed.

“This is actually Aidan Bellcamp,” Emilio corrected. “He’s hurt and can’t seem to shapeshift back into human form. Would you mind healing him? We think it might help.”

Mikayla visibly relaxed. “Uh… alright! Sure, why the hell not.”

Aidan stepped forward and Mikayla sat on his bed. He set his crutches aside and held out a hand. Aidan placed his injured paw on his hand. He placed his empty hand on the gunshot wound, which began to tingle. After a few seconds, Mikayla let go, and removed the bandaging on his leg.

“There you go, good as new. You may still feel pain because of the body trying to, like, catch up with the healing. It still thinks there’s an injury, so it’s almost like a phantom pain. Hopefully you can turn back soon.”

Aidan placed his paw on the ground, finding it was still somewhat tense. He didn’t like that it still hurt, but at least he didn’t have a bullet wound now.

“Thank you, Mikayla,” Emilio said. “Come on, Aidan, let’s see if that worked.”

Aidan sat in the bathroom with a bag of his clothes beside him. He tried to transform back but nothing was working. It was hopeless. He was stuck like this forever.

He was stuck in the form that took a man’s life.

He relived the moment in his head over and over again. He was racked with grief. He just needed to know if that hunter was okay.

He put his paw on the handle and opened the door. He walked past Emilio and Jenny and headed for the front door, ignoring them as they called his name.

Jenny got in front of him. “Where are you going?”

Aidan huffed.

“I know communication isn’t easy right now, but you can’t just ignore us.”

Emilio stood by her side. “Yeah, let’s figure this out together.”

Aidan growled lowly. Teamwork made him sick.

He ran past them and managed to get the door open. He went back to the woods and began his search.

He walked through the woods in search of the father and son. He sniffed the ground, hoping their scent would stand out. He caught a whiff of something metallic and instantly knew what it was.

Blood.

He followed the scent trail until he spotted the gun on the ground. He sniffed it, trying to pick up their scent. They went left.

He followed their scent all the way out of the woods and to the side of the highway. This was where the scent ended.

He should’ve been satisfied with the theory that this was where the ambulance picked them up and they were fine now. Of course he wasn’t.

He went back the way he came, trying to retrace his steps. He then encountered Emilio and Jenny.

“What are you looking for?” Jenny asked.

Aidan growled and grabbed her shirt, dragging her to the part of the woods where the gun was left. He nudged it with his nose to make sure they saw it.

“Is this the gun that shot you?” Emilio asked.

Aidan nodded.

“What happened last night?” Jenny asked.

“Someone went to the hospital last night with a gunshot wound,” Emilio said. “I saw it in the paper this morning… the hunter’s son claimed that a wolf tried to kill them both. I’m sure it was a misunderstanding, right?”

Aidan nodded.

“Maybe if Aidan knows the guy is fine, his mental block will go away. Maybe that’s what’s preventing the shapeshifting.”

“How do we do that, though?”

~

Elsie held the phone up to Aidan’s face so he could see the screen, which showed the hospital that Emilio and Jenny were visiting. They went up to the front desk and asked to see the hunter, whose name was Elton Prescott.

Aidan was nervous about this. What if he was in critical condition? What if he was barely hanging onto life?

Emilio and Jenny went to his room and opened the door. He was laughing. Laughing. His son was smiling along with him.

“Who are you?” Elton asked cautiously.

“We read about your injury in the paper and… felt like coming in to see how you were doing.”

“What, so you can call me a liar like the stupid cops did?” Elton’s son asked.

“Graham!” Elton reprimanded. “Mind your manners!”

“I’m telling you, Dad, cops are useless!”

Aidan liked this kid.

“What do they think you’re lying about?” Emilio asked.

“The wolf grabbed the gun from my hand!”

Aidan’s fur bristled.

“But the cops think otherwise?” Emilio asked.

“They think I shot my dad on purpose. Why would I do that?”

Aidan couldn’t help but growl. Fucking pigs.

“I’m fine, though,” Elton spoke up. “Let’s just… move on.”

Move on.

Aidan wasn’t just stuck in this form. He was stuck in the moment.

He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about what had happened since it happened. He needed to let it go so he could shapeshift back. How, though? Did he need to forgive himself for what happened? The problems started before Elton got shot, but it felt different now. Like he couldn’t move on.

He needed to forgive himself for getting Elton shot.

How does someone forgive themself? Aidan had never had to do that before.

I forgive you… me, he thought. It was an accident. How was I supposed to know grabbing the gun would get him shot? It’s fine. He’s fine.

He focused on transforming back and felt his body slowly and gradually change. He realized Elsie would see him naked and he threw a hand over their glasses.

“Can you get me a change of clothes? I feel… vulnerable.”

~

Aidan stretched his arms, so happy to have his human form back. He flexed his fingers just because he could.

Mai, Axel, and Martin were all asleep while Aidan laid in bed thinking. Martin’s loud snoring was getting to him, though, so he snuck out of bed and went out the door.

He went to the Earthmancer living room, surprised to find Elsie laying on one of the couches. They looked up at him and quickly sat up.

“Oh, sorry. I-I like sleeping in the Earthmancer living room ‘cause Searra snores and you guys tend to sleep in so I feel like I… have it to myself more?”

Aidan snorted. “It’s fine, dude.”

“How you feeling? After… ya know….”

Aidan shrugged. “Fine, I guess.”

“Can’t sleep, though?”

“I also have a snoring roommate.” Aidan sat down on the couch. “I’m just… having thoughts.”

“About what?”

He paused. “Morality?”

Elsie blinked. “Oh. That’s… a lot to think about at midnight.”

Aidan huffed. “Yeah. Well… is it worth it… being a good person? I mean… Elton seems like a good person, and he ended up getting shot. It just feels like good people have the worst things happen to them. And I mean… I got that guy shot. Maybe I’m a better villain than a hero.”

“That’s not true!” Elsie argued. “I know you’re a good person, you just… need the right motivation to be one.”

“I… I thought Polly and Matt were. I want them to be safe. I wanna be able to protect them. I just… what if I’m the thing they need to be protected from?”

“No! That’s not true! I mean, you went out of your way to look for Elton when you got back.”

“Yeah, after fleeing the scene in the moment.”

“Still. You wanted to make sure he was okay. That’s a good person trait.”

Aidan sighed. “I mean, I guess. But being good… could get me hurt. Or killed.”

“No path of life is guaranteed to grant immortality. Which is a dramatic way of saying… good or bad, death is inevitable.”

Aidan looked over at them. “So my death should mean something.”

Elsie paused. “Your life should mean something. Not to other people, but to you.”

Aidan grinned. “Anyone ever tell you you’re awesome at giving advice?”

Elsie chuckled. “Thanks.” They held up their phone. “Wanna unwind with some YouTube?”

Aidan’s smile grew. “Hell yeah.”

[bts-reveries]

mini me | 21

text below~

“I texted daddy that we’re here,” you told Youngjae as you two sat in the doctor’s office.

“Did you call Uncle,” he asks. You shake your head no.

“Uncle’s busy painting remember?” You say, running your fingers through his hair.

“But can you try?” You smile at him and nod, unlocking your phone and calling Taehyung.

-

“Wish me luck Tannie,” Taehyung says, petting his small dog before he leaves for his interview. He stands up, wrapping his hand around the door knob when his phone rang in his hand. It was you. He scrunches his brows, confused but then realizes that the boys’ probably told you about his interview. Maybe you were calling to wish him luck.

“Hey,” He answers at the second ring.

“Oh you answered--”

“Of course I answered,” he laughs.

“Sorry to bother, I know you’re working on your paintings--”

“Oh, no, I finished that--”

“But Youngjae really wants you to be with him, we’re at the hospital right now--”

“What?? Is he okay?” Taehyung says, worry lacing his voice. He rushes out, quickly locking the door before running to his car.

“He’s really sick and--”

“Text me the name of the hospital, I’m on my way.”

-

The call ends and you put down your phone.

“What did he say?” Youngjae asks. You smile at him.

“Uncle’s coming,” you say, he immediately smiles at you.

-

It wasn’t long until Taehyung texted that he was there. It was perfect timing actually, you had just found out that your son has the stomach flu. It must’ve been from what he ate at that new restaurant. You gave it a 1 star review as you waited for Taehyung’s arrival.

“UNCLE TAE!” Youngjae yells as Taehyung walks in, worried. The two of you got moved to a small room in the hospital, he wasn’t staying for more than a day, but he was dehydrated and since everything he drank, he threw up, he had to be given an IV rehydration. One thing Youngjae hates, are needles. Unfortunately, they need to stick a needle, which is attached to a tube, in his vein in order to get some fluid in him without having him throw it back up.

“What’s wrong?” Taehyung asks you, standing next to you with a very worried expression. Youngjae was pouting, reaching out for him.

“Uncle Tae tell them I don’t need iiit,” he whines, grabbing onto Taehyung’s hand and pulling him close.

“He has the stomach flu, he’s throwing up everything he’s eating or drinking so he’s dehydraded,” you tell him, crossing your arms. “So he needs to get an IV to get some fluid in him but he’s scared of needles.”

Taehyung looks down at Youngjae, sitting on the edge of the bed and holding onto his little hand tight.

“Do you want to go home?” Taehyung asks him, Youngjae nods, already trying to get up.Taehyung quickly stops him.

“Oh hold on buddy,” he laughs, “you can’t go home until you feel better or else you’re going to be extra sad.” He tells him.

“The nice lady is going to help you feel better, it’s not going to hurt if you’re brave,” he tells Youngjae. Your son pouts, looking up at the lady.

“I’ll sit right next to you if that’ll help you feel better,” Taehyung says. Youngjae nods, so Taehyung gets up and sits right next to him, wrapping his hand on Youngjae’s side.

“You’re going to feel a little pinch, okay? Like an ant bite, so don’t move,” The lady says. Youngjae looked up at Taehyung and a little light went off in Taehyung’s head.

“You’re so cute,” he says, reaching out to pinch Youngjae’s cheek.

“Ow,” he giggles, Taehyung figured that would be a good distraction and he wouldn’t feel the needle going in.

“Okay all done,” the lady says. Youngjae looks up and watches the lady walk towards you.

“It didn’t hurt right?” Taehyung tells him, smiling widely. Youngjae smiles up at him, leaning into him for a hug.

“I knew I needed you,” he says quietly, Taehyung’s heart fluttering.

“So he should be good to go today, but we’ll need him to stay here for a couple of hours so please make yourself comfortable. The remote to the TV is right there, the list of channels are right here, and the cafeteria is right down the hallway. I’ll be back every now and then to check on him,” the lady tells you. You nod, thanking her. You were glad it wasn’t too serious and that he’d be better soon. You also thought it was sweet of Taehyung to help your son be brave and make him happy.

You smile at the two, walking up to them, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Good news, we’ll be back home today, so for right now we just get to watch TV and relax.” You look up at Taehyung. “Thanks again for coming,” you tell him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it tight.

“Anything for the two of you,” he tells you, smiling back at you.

“Is everything okay? How’s my son doing?” You turn around and see Youngdo standing at the open door. Youngjae lets out a little gasp as he sees his dad. You let go of Taehyung’s hand and you stand up, standing over them.

“He’s doing well. He’s dehydrated, he got the stomach flu and he keeps throwing up everything he was ingesting so he had to get an IV,” you repeat.

“What’s he doing here,” Youngdo whispers as he turns towards you. Taehyung was beginning to feel awkward.

“Youngjae wanted him here. You weren’t answering your phone--”

“I was at work, I didn’t have my phone with me at the time.”

“Well Taehyung was busy too and he was able to make it,” you tell him.

Youngjae looks up at Taehyung and smiles sadly at him. He pushes Youngjae’s hair back, stroking his head.

“It’s okay,” he whispers.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

mini me

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ part twenty-one: i needed you ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

pairings: artist!taehyung x singlemom!reader

a/n: excuse my lack of medical terminology or how a hospital works

also i feel like y’all are going to be mad at me in the future parts BUT let’s get one thing straight, no matter how bad a character is AT THE MOMENT it’s okay to say you don’t like them but please don’t go overboard.

taglist: @heartfeltscribblings @taexmichi @prdshobi @smarshere @i-swear-im-a-soft-stan @igotarmyofarohas @butterflylion @miagracegrande @casspirit0705 @ephyra1230 @cosmicdaylight @bbyjoonies @betysotelo18 @strwberry-jam @rjsmochii @chocobetterknot @notmontae97 @alpaca1612 @yoongistruth @dragonqueen01 @silentlyimpractical @hecticwonderer @joanc24 @hopesvlle @momma-said-that-it-was-oke @sweetmoonlight9 @samros95 @dreamcatcherjiah @sonderkook @taekookcaneatme @listless-losers @kookietsukkie @goldenchemistry @salty-for-suga @peoplejustcanthandlemywierdness @softboyfriendtae @raplineh0e @ess-place @callmepaopao @ggukvii @ramyagovindraj @yoongiverse @mipetronella @cloudy-skys @jikachoo @nxtrogers @kookoo-kachoo @taestannie @hispoutylips @hallofbtsmasterlist

TAGLIST IS CLOSED

[bo0zey]

y’all i think i m deadass hallucinating i keep seeing this lil ran brown bug crawling rlly fast out the corner of my eye but there’s nothing there it just looks like a lil blur of skittering air n i keep seeing like the same thing briefly in the air also earlier while driving i glanced at my reflection in the rear view mirror and my forehead looked like it was actively changing different hues of purples and blues n like i’m pale asf so i thought it was just my skin but it was rainy and cloudy out so ik it wasn’t the sun and the colors were literally fading in n out of focus n it was only for a few second s then i had to drive again anndddd rn as i’m typing this my psychogenic itch is starting to act up n i haven’t experienced it since like the summer n i used to only get it before going into a fullblown hypomanic episode but like it wasn’t happening as often once i started lamictal i mean i used to cycle once a month w 2.5wks of depressive episodes n then a few days of mixed episodes that’s basically just to prep me for the mania to come n i mean ok ya i have been sleeping less for the last week and bc i just don’t rlly feel like it bc i’m writing again n would rather do that than anything else??? i don’t know exactly how many hours i’ve been up i think i slept like a few hours every day last week n they got progressively shorter w each day that passed n i tried to calculate it n i’m pretty sure i’ve gotten 2hrs of sleep in the past 3 days n that was on Tuesday when i went to bed at 10am and had to wake up for class at 12pm but like i was fine n i still feel not like exhausted rn atm but i’m worried bc i have an 8hr shift at clinical today in the ER and i just hope i don’t start crashing or getting delirious or something bc the last time i was awake for almost 4 days straight n i deadass went into a state of psychosis in a KROGER while trying to do some DAMN GROXERY SHOPPING aFter my therapy session like!!!! (fun fact that’s the same session my therapist dx’d me hehe n i was like girl relaxxxxx no wayyyyh) n then i finally forced myself to take a nap bc my body was like “ok we vibin again” n i was like no we not!! n fell asleep for 4 hours and was up again doing nonsense smh. anyways i’m just worried i’ll act like that again or something at clinical :// i feel like i could try n force myself to lay down rn but i have to be up in 4hrs anyways n also finish my paper for this clinjcL that was due on sunday so i wanna get it in before i see my prof at clinical bc she’s as hardass and emailed me abt it yesterday and i’m worried she’ll call me out at clinical if i don’t turn it in before then n i am so annoyed at myself and irritated i do these things to myself i can never prioritize my time like i’ve been awake for 3 days and i couldn’t find the fkcin f time to do my easy ass assignments?????? i hadn’t written in so long so i missed the mania for that ngl which is why i think i let myself get so distracted and hyperfixated on all 6 of my current stories n ugh it’s my fault i know but i wish i could like explain to her that i didn’t mean to not do the paper i just can’t stop being mentally ill n now i’m getting itchy again and i’ve been talking so fucking loud and rushing my words and we had to present a pwrpt on tuesday and my brain was going so fucmg fast even i couldn’t understand what i wanted to say like omfgni hope i don’t make a fuckjg fool out of myself today i wish i could just be left alone in my room i promise i’ll catch up on sleep:(( and turn my paper into her later today i promise n omg my palms r itchy n my arms n upper back i can’t even write anymore idc wtf to say i need to do my paper but i feel like being bad to myself i feel the same strange impulse that i’ve been pretty good abt not engaging in when it came up but now it’s the same level of impulsive feelings of no self preservation as before n argh im gonna shower to ignore the bad thoughts and hopefully the itching will stop cuz if it doesn’t then ummmm houston we have a problem🤨🤨🤨

[shaechans]

boyfriend! jaehyun

the boy: nct’s jung jaehyun

type: headcanon + timestamp

word count: 934

a/n: this is so delayed im sorry:(( but i hope you like it anyway;) jaehyun is 4ever my crush/husband fever dream so most of this is my pov cause im always thinking about bf jaehyun because lets be honest, who isn’t?

okay so this might be a long one, buckle upp

now jung fucking jaehyun here is the EMBODIMENT of boyfriend material and like you cannot disagree

he’s just ugh

well firstly, you’re definitely ALL over him no doubt

but the heartwarming stuff is that he’s ABSOLUTELY WHIPPED for you

like the boy would DO ANYTHING that is to do with you

sure he’s known for being unbothered but he couldn’t be more involved when it’s related to you like ugh ultimate heart eyes

and despite him being lowkey about your relationship, he’d always find ways to brag about you

“lmao y/n would LOVE this track- omg y/n did the funniest thing yesterday- oh and johnny y/n can you get me fruit loops cause y/n wants some-” “jaehyun it’s 4 in the morning, wtf are you doing here?”

cheesy cheesy CHEESY

like you’d have to order pizzas without cheese cause jaehyun’s literally next to you SORRY THAT WAS A BAD ONE

“good morning, how was heaven when you left it?;)))” “jaehyun all i ask is for one normal morning with my toast could you not 😭😭”

will find any and every reason to compliment and tease you

but that’s cause he absolutely adores your pissed off/annoyed expression akhjsjaakk

loves picnics like????? yes????

you feeding him strawberries or pie on a cloudy day on a breakfast mat, jaemples on full display and your heart just 💔💔 peak devastation 💔💔💔

also he just gets so excited to spend time with you i absolutely cannot fucking do this bye-

oh and omg if y’all planned a pinic date and it rained (cue pouty jaehyun;(() then he’d immediately improvise to movie night!!! with the boys!!!!!11!! yay!

sure they can be annoying, but the two of you are always in your own world so donghyuck’s commentary doesn’t really matter

aight PDA!111!!!11!

he LOVES hand and cheek kisses omggomggggg

also butterfly kisses AAAAAAAAAAAAA

eyelid kisses are his favourite for when he’s shy and doesn’t want you to look at his flushed face awwww

and omgomg ikea dates im-

those are honestly the best??? like just the two of you laughing and joking around, acting like you own the house and it’s all fun and games—until y’all “accidentally” run into johnny sigh

sigh i guess i’ll have to stop here before i get in too deep (which already happened but hush)

omg please does anyone want husband! jaehyun cause OH MY GOD

[ 7:39 pm ] resting your feet up on the coffee table in front of you, you glanced at the clock waiting for jaehyun to get home after work. thinking it would be a while till he got home, you switched on the tv, flipping through channels mindlessly when the door opened. you looked up, your expression confused when you heard a “honey! i’m home!!”

turning the corner, you came to face a dimply jaehyun, face a little tired but nonetheless happy to see you. he was quick to engulf you in a hug and a little peck on your cheek before heading to a shower.

until then, you returned to your former place on the couch, munching on a few snacks you rummaged out of the kitchen, waiting for jaehyun to join in a cuddle session. however jaehyun had other plans, running to jump on the sofa, making you flinch and whine at his antics.

“why would you do that jae!!” you whined even more as he pulled you in a little headlock, instigating a wrestle. of course you didn’t say no because now you were not willing to lose. that went on to a heated match on the carpeted floor, with you straddling a red face jaehyun you tickled his sides, waiting for him to admit defeat.

“fine fiNE I SAID YOU WIN” he exclaimed, leaning to his side after you stood up, only to fall on the couch laughing at the poor boy. “okay you can stop wheezing now:(” jaehyun announced sitting beside you, sukling. wiping the remaining tears by your eyes, you leaned forward to hug the boy beside you, pressing a loving peck to his pouty lips.

“you know i love you but you were literally asking for it” “yeah i thought i’d win!! i never knew you were good at wrestling sigh. you could’ve told me we could’ve bet hyuck together that day when he was acting up!!!” he tutted, going on about how you had hurt his pride.

“i’m sorry love but can we just cuddle now, that’s what i had been trying to do before you pounced onto me, asking for war!” you said, pulling a laughing jaehyun to your bed, falling on your back together.

staring at the ceiling, the two of you went on about conspiracy theories and ways to run away from johnny third wheeling almost all your dates. turning to your side, you started at jaehyun and then his hair. ‘damn this boy has soft hair’ you would think, hands reaching up to touch.

“what are you doing love?” jaehyun questioned, voice soft and his eyes closed at your touch. “literally how do you guys manage to keep your hair so bouncy and soft even after a billion rounds of bleach, it’s mind boggling!!” you spoke in amusement, jaehyun chuckling at your random discovery.

“treatment, baby” he muttered, in a state of sleep from you hands playing with his bangs softly. not long later, you could hear his snores and chuckling, straightened his body so he was sleeping comfortably. pulling the blankets on the two of you, you kissed his forehead before sleeping cuddled into his shoulder uwu.

wow was this long?? i’m sorry lmao im a huge jeff stan and i was into the feels so i just went on and on. anyway, requests are open, like always!! so feel free to request!! might post a christmas prompt list as well cause i’m in a christmas mood so let me know if you guys would be interested!!!

[uhhhhyandere]

i would do anything for just a short one shot of orphic light x reader cuddling . its valentines day and im down bad

me too lol i hate V-day.... but chocolate is on sale tomorrow.......

this one’s for you bby and everyone else who is feeling it today. im right here with y’all <3 

idk what it is tho hahahahaahh 

You didn’t think about it.

Okay, okay, that was a lie. You did. Fuck, you did, but what were you supposed to do? Pretend you didn’t? Pass by other regular, healthy couples and pretend to not wish with every fiber of your being that you were them? It was tiring, so tiring to put on a face and act, to shove your emotions down down until they're squashed out of existence.

Or, at the very least, pretending they're out of existence. 

But god, you had to give yourself this one. You didn’t have the power to pretend or act or ignore or do anything right now. Even if you wanted to, Light had everything down to a science from the twitch of your fingers to the drag of each syllable out of your mouth whether it was a microsecond too long or one pitch too high to be normal. Up until now, you’ve every valentine’s day deep in daydreams and fantasies full of flowers, dates, and just... happiness, however that looked like to you with whoever was home to you. 

Light was definitely not what you were expecting to be your first - and most likely last one way or another - relationship, but you just wanted something normal. Something that can just give you a taste of real, tangible escapism. To feel warm and happy and cozy and appreciated and loved. For fuck’s sake, you just wanted to feel as loved as every other goddamned couple you see holding hands or - fuck - even laughing and smiling like normal people in a normal world. 

That’s all. 

But, no, no you couldn’t even have that. You spent ten whole minutes pacing outside Light’s office to gain the confidence to walk in and ask if you can do something, anything. All that amounted to was him grimacing and telling you to leave him “the hell alone right now,” and it hurt. Of course, it did. You finally take a risk and ask for something you want and not live every second of your life wondering what’s going to make him happy, and it gets shut down so easily. You’re not sure what would happen if you ever did that. 

So, in your prepubescent turmoil, you left. You escaped the stiff air of the house and his presence, and deeply inhaled the brisk February air. It was cold, sure, but not nearly as ruthless as the winter air could be. It was actually relatively nice out. Thank fuck. You only grabbed your lighter coat in your absconding and settled for the first place of peace you can find in the city: a small park with a cobblestone path cutting through it. 

The cruel, black metal of the bunch bit your ass and chilled your skin, but now you could hardly feel it. You could hardly care. What were you going to do? Get up. Sure, and go where? Wander aimlessly and just pass more restaurants brimming with everything you ever wanted? No thanks. The volume of people walking past you here was far fewer. Plus, if you leaned back to let the cold touch your thighs and stare at the cloudy sky, you didn’t have to see any of them. 

You’re not sure the wetness on your cheeks began as soft drifts of white landed there or as tears crept from the corner of your eyes. You’re also not sure how long you sat there. Your legs have long since fallen asleep, succumbing to countless pins and needless. Snow was accumulating all around you, on you, even as a terrible, freezing, wet blanket you slightly shifted to knock off every so often. 

It really must have been a pathetic sight to see. You shut your eyes and felt each flake land on you, hoping, eventually, they would bury you. 

But they stopped. 

You opened one eye to see the disturbance. Black completely overtook the sky. Ah, no, not the sky. An umbrella was tipped to cover your body entirely. Your eyes trailed down the thin metal supports to his face. Not unimpressive, not frustrated, not angry, just... there. Light looked down at you like he would look down at the sidewalk while walking any other day. A pale face sticking out of a black turtleneck under a brown coat he bought to replace the white one that was just getting too old and worn out for him. 

You look away. Using the back of your finger you wipe away a tear - definitely a tear and not snow - before settling both frozen hands in your pockets. Your eyes meet for a few more seconds before he steps to the side and takes a set next to you, close enough that you could feel the warmth of his thigh next to yours. Light held the umbrella in the small gap between you. 

“What are you doing here?” You ask finally, breaking the minutes-long silence. “Thought you were busy.” 

“Finished,” he replied. “Then I had to come play hide-and-seek with you when you ran out like a petulant child who didn’t get the toy they wanted at recess.” You want to shoot up straight and bitch at him, to say that it’s his fault, that everything is his fault, and to tell him that this is the least of the reactions you could offer in response to it all. 

“Then leave,” you said. “I’ll come back. You know that. Just... just for today let me be... happy. Please.” Your voice cracks and you have to look away once more to wipe away more stray tears. “I just wanted something... normal.” 

“Normal was out of the question from the start. In fact, don’t pretend that it was ever in the question. We’re meant for more than... normal.” 

You shake your head. “Not today, Light, fuck. You’re such a fucking genius, but god, you could never read a room, could you?” Light clenched his teeth but ultimately stayed silent. At least, for the minute he spent contemplating whether to tell you to ‘come off it,’ or to play into it for the longer-term benefit of your temporary satisfaction. You beat him to the punch. “It’s Valentine’s Day.”

“Funny enough, I knew that.” 

“Well, I couldn't tell.” 

“You don’t seem the type for flowers and poems, Y/N.” 

“Well, you don’t seem the type to-to... you know, and that’s-god-that’s not it, and I feel so stupid, in the scheme of things, to have this bother me, but fuck, Light. I’m a human. I’m complex and shit, and I can’t do what you do. At least, not consciously.

“This is... this fucked up, sure, but it’s the first real... something I ever had with someone else. Middle school, high school, even most of college was just me existing alone. It seemed like... it seemed like every single other person just got a handbook on how to socialize, how to develop relationships, how to love and be loved that I never got. That everyone else was able to be loved, but never me. Never me. I was never picked or chosen, or, even if I was, something better would come along and I’m left in the fucking dust. It’s me, you know? Never... never enough. For once - just for once - I can feel like I’m enough. That I’m not deciding every second if I’m breathing too loud or not being useful or whatever.” 

By the time you’re done, you feel far too comfortable in the silence that follows. You’re not horrified of what he’s going to do in response. You settled back down and shut your eyes. “That’s all,” you add pointlessly, “and, I’m not sure if you can tell, I really, really hate this holiday.” 

Light stood up. You watch him, like before, with one eye. The umbrella rests on his shoulder at an angle, and with his free hand, he extended his palm out to you. You furrowed your brows and quadruple your number of chins to look down at it. Light rolled his eyes. 

“You could stay here if you want.” You kind of wanted to. Spending a few more hours alone was tempting, but... but that’s what you always were, have been. You had one chance - one person - left to change that. 

His hand was warm over your own. It kept you centered and balanced as he led you down the snow-covered streets. Though it’s nothing like the pure joy emanating from others, it was something. It could probably be compared to two business partners walking stiffly while holding hands if you’re being honest.  

But for this, you can act for. 

You played pretend the rest of the way home until you convinced yourself you were in a good mood. You refused his offer of food when you return home. Instead, you nestled under a large white blanket and clicked on whatever was on: some cliche romance fic Light would never, on any other day, stand for. You could heat Light shifting around in the kitchen behind you. He emerged with two mugs with steam rising in small swirls above them. Light placed them on the table and you watched him motion for you to raise the blanket. 

Light slipped in beside you, and you wondered how painful it was for him to wrap his arm around your shoulder. It’s stiff, uncomfortable, and a bit cold, but not surprising. You shut your eyes and imagine... you try to imagine someone else, but there’s no one else you could picture besides Light. Anyone else felt... wrong, so you opted to watch the snowfall through the windows. Turning your body towards him more, you snuggle into him and rest your head on his shoulder. 

His hand rose between you. You figured it’s him adjusting himself or the blanket, but you’re surprised when his fingers lightly grab your chin and lift your head. There’s no time to react before his lips land on yours. 

Oh yes, you can act today. For today, you can pretend. You could let your heart be filled and convinced you are loved, because tomorrow, tomorrow was never guaranteed. 

[beanst0ck]

heyyy, it's me again :) so,, since the requests are open, can i have how noya, tsukki & kageyama (my fav karasuno bois) helping their s/o who's struggling with school and stuff. like they go to her house and shes crying, and when he asks why is she crying she says "idk" bc basically, that's happening to me now, and I need some fluff to have serotonin 😔😔💕 love u!!

school can b like that sometimes 😔

i don’t usually struggle with schoolwork but when i do it’s >:(

Yuu Nishinoya

it’s a normal day. not too cloudy, not to sunny, perfect for a date!

nishinoya thinks back to you, noticing that you seemed a little distracted at school today

he asked you multiple times what was wrong but you always responded with “oh no im fine!“ so he assumed you were just having a bad day :((

so to try and make you feel better, he decides to text you!

short king💕: HEy! be ready in 15 mins!! we’re going out to eat >:))

he found it kind of odd you didn’t see his message, but maybe you were just taking a nap or doing hw!

cut to him rushing over to your house bc our bby is excited!! it’s been awhile since he’s taken you somewhere so now that he has the chance to he’s pumped up!

he calls you multiple times on his phone ready to tell you he’s outside, but you don’t answer

now our bby boy is confused. he’s like?? where are you?? i just wanna go out and eat??

he looks around your house and notices your window is open

somehow, he manages to reach your window and sees you hunched over your table looking at something

he sees that your phone is on your bed charging, so now he understands why you wouldn’t answer!

“(y/nnn)!! let’s go out to eat!“

you turn around so fast

like “wHO ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET INTO MY ROOM??- oh hi noya“

he immediately freezes once he notices your eyes are red and puffy

better believe he’s going to rush over to you and ask what’s wrong, what made you upset, etc.

you have to wait awhile before he calms down so you could explain what was wrong

“today we had a test and i didn’t get the score i thought i’d get... i thought i’d at least get a passing grade but guess not, so im trying to study for the makeup test so i could do better this time :((“

he has a moment of realization and you swear you could literally see a lightbulb go off above his head

he finally understands why you were so upset earlier!!

now that he understands why you were sad he’s gonna do everything in his power to make you feel better

“how long have you been studying for?“

“since i got home..“

“(y/n) that was 3 hours ago...”

finds out you haven’t even taken a break and he’s about to throw hands

he cares about you a lot and wants you to take better care of yourself!!

he saw how hard you were working on trying to get a better grade and knew you needed a break, so now he’s definitely taking you out on that date as a reward for your hard work

“alright, you’re taking a break now! too much studying will break your head!!“

practically drags you out your front door. he didn’t even give you a chance to get ready, y’all left exactly how you were

he takes you out to buy your favorite food because even if you didn’t pass, you tried your best and that’s what matters

he would try his best to study with you, but we all know he isn’t the smartest when it comes to academics,,,

will give you lots and lots of kithes when he sees you finally got the score you wanted as a reward for your hard work :))

Kei Tsukishima

during school tsukki noticed that you were acting a little odd. normally you’re the one to initiate conversations with him, but today you were just quiet

immediately knew something was up, but didn’t say anything because maybe he was looking into things too much

time skip to lunch and tsukishima is looking for you, because he wants to eat his lunch with you!!

imagine his surprise when he sees you studying?

he’s like “what are you doing, are you trying to be a nerd now?“

you jump because you weren’t expecting him to find you so fast??

your plan was to study a bit before you ate your lunch with tsukishima but obviously that wasn’t going to happen today

tsukishima finds it kind of weird that you were studying during school hours because you never do that? but once again he stays quiet because hey maybe you just want to improve your grades or something

the day passes by normally for the both of you, but tsukishima still can’t shake the feeling that something is up with you

so after practice he decides to head over to your place

he parts ways with yamaguchi and begins heading over to your house to see you

he’s lowkey a little excited because he doesn’t come over to visit you much so he had lil butterflies in his stomach

your parents open the door and when they see him they immediately greet him happily and let him in

i headcannon that parents just love tsukishima idk why

tsukishima doesn’t even knock, he just opens the door to your room

when he sees you crying he just stares, extremely confused

when you notice someone’s entered your room you look up and through all the tears you see your boyfriend standing in your doorway, confused af

you quickly wipe the tears from your face, already knowing that hiding your face from him would not work because he definitely just saw you crying

you try and play it off tho

“ah! tsukki! what’re you doing here ahahha-“

he slowly walks over to you and sees your notebook fills with notes along with other worksheets filled with information

he closes your books and pushes away all the loose papers on your desk

right as you’re about to ask him why’d he do that for he immediately hugged you

it was kind of an awkwardly positioned hug tho? you were sitting down on a chair and he was standing so your face was against his stomach

he asks you if you were crying because of school work but did he really need to ask?? he already knew the answer-

he suddenly becomes sweet towards you? like he still teases you but not as much because he knows you’re sad rn :((

offers to tutor you if you really need to help, he’ll use it as an excuse to spend more time with you!

if you get a problem right your reward is his kithes

if his teammates see him tutoring you they’re gonna be like “awe“ because he barely agreed to tutor hinata and kageyama and he couldn’t stand them

they’ll clown him a little bit

speaking of them they’re probably gonna complain about it

“tsukishima you’re so mean! why does (y/n) get tutoring and not us :((“

insert sugamama smacking hinata for his comment

you get girlfriend privileges bc tsukishima is vv soft for you :))

Tobio Kageyama

im sorry but our dumb dumb kageyama probably wouldn’t notice how sad you seemed

hinata probably said something along the lines of “hey did you have a fight with (y/n)? she seems sad :((“

it’s not that he doesn’t care!! trust me he really does he’s just mostly focused on volleyball and doesn’t know how you feel unless you tell him

after hinata says that he starts to focus on you more, trying to see if what hinata said was true

if you DO seem sad, he’s gonna panic because he doesn’t know what to do

if you DONT seem sad bc you’re good at hiding your emotions, then he’s gonna call hinata ‘ bOkE!1!!1 ‘ because how dare he assume something about his gf

regardless of those things tho, he’s gonna start paying attention to you in general. he’s gonna try his best to understand your emotions because he doesn’t wanna upset you more!!

you’re most likely gonna feel his stares him a mile away. ppl are gonna think he hates you but in reality,, he’s just trying to understand your mood

one day while at school he noticed that you didn’t come. took him awhile to realize,, it was actually one of his teammates that said “where’s (y/n)? they aren’t with you?“ and he went into a mini panic mode because they’re right where’d you go?

realized that you weren’t at school and texted you

poor babey seemed lost without you because he spends most of his time with you

emo blueberry💙: you’re not at school? do you feel ok?

when you see his text you start to feel better because you know that he loves you and he’s worried bc you’re not there with him

kageyama begins to look back on his days spent with you

generally you seemed happy with him but there were times where you’d let your smile slip just a little

idk why but i headcannon that when it comes to relationships he’s vv inexperienced and doesn’t know what to do

as much as he’d hate to admit, he asked hinata it if he noticed anything off about you

when hinata tells him that you seemed distracted during breaks kageyama begins to do his journey on trying to find out what’s wrong

he asks his upperclassmen for advice and he actually uses what they say

after class he takes it upon himself to go to all of your classes to pick up any homework you might’ve missed

during practice you’re all he can think about which causes his sets to be a little off

daichi, being the kind dad he is, let’s kageyama leave early to go see you

kageyama enters your home and heads to your room. as he’s about to knock he hears sniffles clearly coming from you and he goes into panic mode

quickly opens your door and you two kind of just stare at each other awkwardly like,,

“uh, hi?“

he doesn’t understand how you could be so chill?? like you’re literally crying yet you’re acting as if you’re not

immediately asks if you’re alright, why you’re crying, etc.

once you tell him it’s because you don’t understand your schoolwork, he nods. he understands how you feel because he himself isn’t as good

he’ll tell you how it doesn’t matter if you don’t understand the material as fast as others because everyone learns at their own pace

he’ll slowly initiate a hug? it might be a little awkward because he doesn’t seem like he knows what he’s doing he really doesn’t but he hopes that it makes you feel better :((

he’ll drag you away from your studies for a bit if you haven’t taken a break and he’ll just cuddle you

AGAIN!! it might be a little awkward but pls he’s trying his best ok :((

if you end up falling asleep he’ll give you a little kith on your forehead :))

haikyuu mlist

requests open

[hearteyesbowen]

hey can you do a joshua imagine where the reader is having a really bad day and he just comforts and spoils her? thank u sm

hold me closer ☆ joshua bassett

josh decides there is only one logical thing to do when y/n is having one of the most stressful days of her life

warnings: fluff

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Soft tunes coming from your car radio ran through your ears, your head leaning back against the headrest. You had already ran out of tears, now you just sat restlessly, focusing on your breathing and calming your heart rate. Your forehead and cheeks were damp, you couldn’t tell if it was sweat from the heat radiating through the vehicle or from the cries wiped across your face. Strands of your hair lay in different directions, mostly because of how much you shuffled it in your hands out of frustration.

It had been almost an hour since you came home from school, the day filled with anger-inducing teachers giving lectures and annoying classmates who couldn’t let you focus on your own work. Homework assignments and class work with no decent explanation on how to answer being piled on top of each other, and a pop quiz that you barely understand and bombed completely. At least it’s friday?

Pulling out your phone, you stared at your lock screen for a few seconds before it turned back off; it was Josh sitting on a tree branch, waving at you with his signature smile. A small smile swept across your face, then with a loud huff, you decide to text him.

Y/N

can i come over? i’m not feeling too great

Within a few seconds, you saw his name pop up onto your screen with a loud ding.

Joshy 💕

you don’t have to ask, hurry up!

You grabbed your backpack that was thrown into the passenger’s seat and opened your door. Fumbling with the keys in your hands, you unlocked your front door and trudged to your room. You left your school backpack by your bed and looked for your other bag. You didn’t have to worry about bringing extra clothes, some of yours were left at his house in case you wanted to sleep over. Before leaving, you told your mother you would stay at Josh’s house for the night, and quickly made your way to your car.

➢➣ ➢➣

Walking up the path to Josh’s house only made you grow more hungry for some sort of interaction that wasn’t an adult or stranger. You hadn’t realized how much you’ve missed seeing your boyfriend these past few days. School has been slowly taking over your life and you barely realized how much you have ignored him.

Once you reached the front door, you lifted your hand to knock, but instead you were taken back when the door swung open before you could touch it. Josh was standing inside, a worried smile and flushed cheeks.

“I was waiting for you by the window, I got excited to see you.”

Suddenly you couldn’t form any words. Your throat was dry and you felt your breathing halt. Your vision slowly got cloudy, and your legs began to feel unsteady.

Josh noticed immediately and grabbed onto your waist, bringing you into his chest. Your arms flew to wrap around his shoulders as you buried your head into his neck. He made sure to hold you tightly, worried that you would fall. His hands rubbed up and down your back, trying to soothe you as you sobbed into him. He didn’t dare to let go, he had been wanting to hold you again but didn’t think it would be like this. You slowly lifted your head, looking up at his somber expression. One of his hands moved up to your face, wiping away the wet trails left behind and moving hair from your face to behind your ear. His lips came to touch your forehead, letting his kiss linger for a few seconds.

“You want to sit down and tell me what’s wrong?” His voice was barely a whisper.

You nodded your head, making Josh dip down to scoop you up from under your legs and carrying you as if you were his bride. He carefully walked to his room, trying not to move too quickly to prevent a possible headache or dizziness.

Once he sat down on his bed, you now sitting on his lap, he leaned down to kiss your cheek. A small blush formed on your cheeks, already making you feel better.

“Tell me everything, sweetheart.”

You let out a slow breath, reaching out for his free hand and playing with his fingers.

“I’ve just been having the worst few days recently. All my teachers make me so mad and I’m just not understanding any of the work we’ve been doing and I’m scared to ask them for help because they might get mad at me for being too dumb and I’m scared that I’ll fail all my classes and we have so much work that I can’t keep up with and my classmates are just the most annoying people ever and I don’t know what to do.”

You began to hyperventilate, quickly feeling the stres rush through you again. Josh held onto you tighter, pulling you as close as he could while he rubbed your arms. You tried your best to calm yourself down, preventing yourself from crying again.

“And I feel so bad for not texting you back as quickly or not being able to answer your calls because I was trying to do my work and I’ve just been a terrible girlfriend-”

“No, don’t say that, you’re literally the perfect girl. I’m not going to be mad at you for doing homework and trying to learn, I know it’s tough.” He smiled down at you, trying to make you feel better. “I love you, ok? You’re here now, and it’s the weekend, so I’ll take care of you.”

“I love you, Joshy.”

Your hands crept up to hold his cheeks as you leaned in, planting your lips on his. It was nothing too rough or passionate, but slow and gentle. His smile peaked through, making you follow. Oh, how you’ve missed this.

He pulled away, leaving his forehead on yours. “I’ll be back, I’m going to get you some water and something to eat.” He carefully set you down on his bed, quickly running to the other side to grab his teddy bear. “Franklin will keep you company while I’m gone.”

You giggled as he gave you the bear, clutching it tightly to your chest. It smelled somewhat like him, probably because you knew he slept with it every night, as much as he denies it. He sprinted out of the room, his footsteps loud enough for you to hear from downstairs.

Ten minutes went by, and you started to wonder what this boy could be doing. That is, until you heard something drop and a small curse from behind the slightly open door. You watched as his door was slowly pushed open, showing his back. He turned around and you couldn’t help but smile at what he was holding.

“I didn’t know what you were craving at the moment, so I just brought a picnic basket with all your favorite things.” He said proudly.

You patted the area next to you, motioning for him to sit with him. He skipped to the other side, climbing onto the bed with you. The basket was set in between you two, and he rubbed his hands excitedly before he opened it.

“I brought water and lemonade, some chocolate from that one candy store you really like, some chips just in case you wanted something salty, and some fruit so it feels like we’re eating healthy.” He exclaimed, showing you each of the items.

His eyes brightened, as if he gained another idea. He jumped off from the bed and ran to the other side of the room, searching through one of his drawers. He pulled out a pink candle and some matches.

“Why do you keep matches in your room?” You wondered, watching as he turned off the lights and placed the candle next to you on his bedside table.

He picked up a match and striked it against the box, erupting a bright fire and putting it along the candle wick. “I bought some after I bought this candle.”

You blew out the match as he held it closer to you, laughing as he fanned the smoke coming to his face. He grabbed his laptop from his desk and went back to sit down next to you on his bed.

“We’ll watch some movies together, too. I’m going to make sure that you feel real better really soon.”

As Josh opened Netflix and quickly picked a random movie, you picked up a grape from the basket and looked at him giddily. He sat up and opened his mouth, letting you throw it at him. The fruit his forehead, causing the both of you to laugh.

He scooted closer to you, opening his arms for you to cuddle him. You snuggled up to his chest, wrapping your arms around his torso and his around your shoulder. Nothing else mattered as he held you closer, just you and him laying down, laughing and spending much needed quality time.

You looked up from the movie after a few minutes, taking in the sight in front of you. His smile made you turn warm. His eyes glanced between yours and your lips, until he leaned down to kiss you once again. Your hands went to his cheeks as his moved to your waist, his kiss deepening as the white noise from the movie slowly blurred out.

Yeah, you could get used to relaxing like this.

A/N - hi im back . im still so sorry for leaving and stuff but hey im back now and slowly releasing these really late requests . if u want to know what happened i made a post on saturday so go check that if u want idk . but anyways i hope u like this one, love y’all so so much xx

taglist - @love-joshy @mzzjads

[bxthharmon]

Never Go Home Again, Pt. XI || JJ Maybank x Reader

Words: 2910

Series Warnings: violence / talking about abuse / toxic relationships / talking about nudes sex and sex tapes / drugs / underage drinking

Pt. Warnings: Abuse / toxic relationships / talking about nudes, sex and sex tapes

Series Summary: A new girl, a shoebox of old memories, a past she’s trying to forget coincide with a hotheaded, but selfless, boy.  teenagers getting in way over their heads

Pt. Summary: JJ and Y/N reconcile upon her return

A/N: and yall are finally gonna learn the readers story lmao. im going to bed like, asap

Chapters linked in my masterlist.

“masterlist”

You’d known JJ for over a month, and you’d never been nervous to see him. You always felt comfortable, and sure, you felt fluttery when he kissed your cheek, flirted with you, put his arm over your shoulders, but you’d never felt like this. You fiddled with the friendship bracelet Kie had made you a week ago, and chewed on your lip as you sat on the porch of the Chateau. You could hear someone in the garden, but made no move to see who it was, stuck in stasis as you stressed. Your vision was cloudy. Everything he had said, it hurt. It hurt because it was true. You hadn’t been honest with him, with any of them, and they had welcomed you and helped you for weeks now. You needed to come clean. They deserved to know - JJ deserved to know - and it was unfair of you to keep it from them any longer.

It was all still fresh. It had been three months since the divorce was finalised. Two months since everything went down with Tyler. One month since you met JJ. You closed your eyes, psyching yourself up. Was John B home? Kie or Pope over? Was JJ even there, or was he home? You wondered, Please don’t let him have been home.

You heard an engine, and looked up. Pope’s car rolled up, and you stood, Kie popping the door open and pulling you into a close hug. She pulled away, eyes shining, “We didn’t know where you were - you weren’t answering calls and your dad only said you’d gone away.” she blinked slowly, opening her eyes again with a determined light.

“We thought you were dead.” you looked away from Kie, seeing Pope. You pulled him into a hug. “JJ’s been a mess. He stole 30 Gs off  a drug dealer.”

You smiled slightly, “I’m sorry for leaving like that. And I’m sorry for hiding everything. JJ was right, I haven’t been honest, and that’s not fair, you guys mean the world to me.”

Pope nodded, “You needed time, that’s okay. You’ll tell us when you’re ready.”

You thanked him. “Did JJ go home?”

“I think so.” Kie murmured, and you swore.

“I haven’t even been home yet.” 

There was a whirring behind you, and you all turned, the trees igniting in gold as a stupid amount of fairy lights lit up you small scene. You raised your eyebrows.

“What the hell?” asked Pope, the three of you in matching surprised expressions.

“Who the hell is that?” Kie questioned, leading you and Pope through the trees.

Lights illuminated the clearing outside the Chateau, gold and red shining brightly on the scene before you. A jacuzzi, lit with floating flamingo drink-holders, surrounded JJ, shirtless with a pair of stolen glasses. He held a champagne flute in one hand, and you heard the pop of a bottle opening. The three of you stood across from him.

You could see, plain as anything, he was at breaking point. The combination of the hunt, his dad, and you had unravelled him. I did this, a voice commanded, this was me.

“What did you do, JJ?” Pope asked, taking in the brilliantly lit display.

“I got a jet going straight in my butt right now.” he crooked the glasses, down, looking over the three of you with unfocussed eyes. “Y’all should get in immediately, you hear me?” he sloppily poured a drink “Salud!”

Your heart broke for him. His eyes fell on you, “Y/N?” he slurred, “Y/N! I thought you were-” hiccup, “-dead! You just, uh, you just disappeared.”

“I’m sorry.” you sighed.

“No - no!” he shook his head, voice too gleeful for his words, “I’m sorry!” he tipped his head back as he downed the champagne straight from the bottle.

“How much did this cost?” Pope interrupted.

“Uh… well, with the generator, the petrol, and oh, hey, express delivery…” he chuckled, “pretty much all of it, yeah.”

You kept your eyes on him, knowing that one too many questions would release a dam full of emotions he’d been hiding for years.

“All of it?” Pope stepped forwards.

“Yeah, all of it.” JJ repeated.

“You spent all the money in one day?”

“Pope,” you muttered, knowing JJ wouldn’t last.

“Yeah, burned a hole right through my pocket.” JJ confirmed, gesturing sloppily. “But, I mean, like, come on - guys - like, look at this! Finest in jet-based massage therapy, that’s what they told me!” Kie looked thoroughly unimpressed. “Kie, what? Can’t a man have a little luxury in life?” his voice was hoarse, and you felt worry building in your stomach and pounding at your head. He whipped his glasses off, “Come on, all this scrimpin’ and scrapin’...” his voice went soft, “I mean like - guys, we - you only live once, right? Enough of this emotional shit, get in the Cat’s Ass. Come on!”

“In the what?” you frowned.

“In the Cat’s Ass.” he shrugged, a small, drunk smirk playing at his lips, “That’s what I named her. Oh! Hey, yo, I almost forgot!” he switched a button, and the water lit up, a light flashing as the already bright display got weirder. He was about to break. “Yeah, that’s right, I now. Disco mode! That’s right, baby!”

“Are you kidding me?” Pope cut in, and you squeezed your eyes shut for a second, knowing that he and Kie were pulling at a tether that was seconds from coming loose. “You could have paid for restitution!”

“Or literally given it to any charity!” Kie added.

“Or better yet, you could have helped us buy supplies to get the rest of the gold out of the well!”

“Okay well you know what? I didn’t do that!” JJ burst forwards, showing a selection of purple bruises littering his torso. “I got a hot tub!” you kicked off your shoes, tears building at the thought that the person supposed to love him the most would hurt him like that, “For my friends. I got a hot tub for my friends. You know what? No, you know what? Screw friends. I got a hot tub for my family! I got this for you! Look, guys, look what I did for you! Alright? Look at this! Look at this! No, you stop being emotional. It’s fine, okay?” You stepped forwards as he continued, stepping over the walls of the tub and pulling him in, letting him cling to you. You let him sob on you. “I just couldn’t do it.” He was convulsing with sobs while you tried your best not to, knowing you had to be strong for him. You had to. “I couldn’t take him anymore! I was gonna kill him.” You felt Pope and Kie’s arms wrap around the pair of you, the lot of you wet with tears and hot tub water. “I just wanna do the right thing.”

“I know.” you murmured, stroking his hair and closing your eyes as you tried to keep your breathing steady.

Kie and Pope got out first, leaving after you told them you’d deal with him. You sat him down in the tub again, turning the jets off. You wiped away the last of his tears, gently prying the champagne away from him. You stroked his hair, letting him lean on your shoulder until his breathing returned to normal. You stood up then, helping him out of the tub and guiding him to the bathroom, where you sat him down on the closed toilet seat as you ran a hot bath. You distracted him by reminding him of your best memories since you met him, until the bath was full. You helped him in, washing the chlorine out of his hair, and letting him relax.

You sat on the edge of the tub as he blinked up at you, sobering up quickly. He lifted a hand from the water, touching your waist tentatively.

“Where did you go?” he whispered, the silence pressing down thickly.

“To see an old friend.” you hadn’t thought about your leaving for hours, and now you did, you wondered how broken he’d be when he found out you’d slept with two people while you were gone.

“You went to LA.” he muttered.

“Yeah.” you nodded slowly, touching his cheek, lightly. “I’m sorry.”

He blinked at you, confusion painted in his features. “Why?”

“I left.” you helped him stand up, guiding him out of the bath. You handed him the towel you’d found, leaving him to get him a change of clothes. You picked out a top and joggers, brushing away a stray tear before rejoining him. You turned around while he changed, then lay him down in the spare bed. You draped the blanket over him, changing quickly into the only other joggers you could find, and one of his tops. You lay down in front of him, taking in his bright, cobalt eyes and soft pink lips. 

“Why did you go?” he sounded broken. So broken.

“I felt trapped, like you would all hate me. So I went to see the people who I knew would be there for me, no matter what. Then I realised that, more than anyone, more than my friends in Cali, that was you guys.” he gazed at you, a strange look in his eyes as he processed your words.

“I shouldn’t have yelled.” he closed his eyes, and when he reopened them, there was a teary sheen to them.

“No.” you rejected his claim. “I needed it. I’ve been avoiding it, thinking that would make it all go away. It was stupid. If you hadn’t have yelled, I wouldn’t have gone. And if I hadn’t have gone, I’d have avoided it for the rest of my life.”

He let a tear slip. “I fucked up.” he murmured. “I fucked us up.”

“No. No, I did it. I wasn’t honest. I was so desperate not to repeat what had happened that I pushed you away.”

“What did happen?”

“Where do I start?”

“At the beginning.”

--

Your parents loved each other. They lit up when the other entered the room, and looked at each other like the world revolved around them. They met young, in highschool. Your mom was pregnant with your brother by senior year, and they got married when school was over. Three years later, once they had a house and two steady jobs, they had you. Highschool sweethearts, it always seemed perfect.

You were convinced they were perfect, until you were ten. They had a huge argument, so big, so loud, that the neighbours called the cops, and you and Lewis had to spend the night at friends’ houses. They never argued like that again.

You knew they loved each other, even after that. Over three years later, on the brink of your fourteenth birthday, you noticed they hardly spoke anymore. Family meals stopped, and they avoided each other at all costs. After a few weeks, you came home to a floor covered in glass and crockery, and your parents sitting across from each other crying. Things were perfect for two more years.

Then, she started getting angry. She threw things, hit things, broke things. She took out all of her frustrations on the family, never caring to explain herself.

Your mom lost her job, but was still out all day, everyday. You saw her with another man three months after. When you saw her, you understood something. 

Your mom hated her life. She hated not being able to afford things, not being able to go on holiday, not being able to treat herself. She wanted to live a life more glamorous than what your father could give her. You hated her for it.

You asked her about it the next day.

Your brother and dad got home to see her things packed, and you sitting at the kitchen table, bruises around your neck and a cut over your right eyebrow. The divorce papers arrived within a week. 

She didn’t fight for custody. She didn’t call. She didn’t try to see you.

--

JJ nodded slowly, wiping your tears away with the pad of his thumb. “She’s been calling you.” he murmured.

“She feels bad.” you shrugged, “I had a go at her, she hasn’t called since.”

“Did you see her while you were in LA?” 

“No, she lives in Brentwood, I didn’t want to waste my time there.”

“Fuck her.”

“Yeah.” you smiled, “Fuck her.”

“Y/N?” he whispered, “Thanks for telling me that.”

“Your welcome.” You shrugged.

“Who’s Tyler?”

“My ex.” 

“What did he do to you?”

You searched his eyes, knowing you had to tell him. You took a deep breath.

--

You met Tyler in middle school. He was the tallest in the class by an inch and a half, and the best looking. You were best friends with Cassie, and Cassie’s parents knew his parents, so you were friends by association. You cruised through middle school, skating with him and his friends when you weren’t at school or hanging out with Cassie.

At some point in Freshman year of high school, his friends stopped joining your skating days, and you and Tyler got close. He asked you out near the end of the year, and you said yes. You spent your summer drinking and smoking with Cassie or skating with Tyler, losing your virginity to him just before the start of your sophomore year. You went steadily for a year, letting your relationship become more and more toxic, until he would throw fits if you so much as spoke to another guy. You lost your friends as he tightened his grip around you, keeping you close with threats and bribes. 

He was the only one who was there for you when your mom started cheating, because he was the only one you talked to. You let yourself be vulnerable, and he took advantage of it. You went out with Cassie just before that night with your mom, telling her about your failing relationship and breaking family. She was the one who told you to break up with him. 

You waited three days. 

He took it well. Nodded, didn’t cry, left quickly.

The next day, your life was hell. You got pulled from English by the police, and taken to the principal's office, and sat down. He told you that a load of photos and two videos had been leaked from an anonymous account. Nudes, two sex tapes. You didn’t even know the videos existed. It was all over Instagram, and even a couple of porn sites. 

You didn’t even know. Not until that moment. No one mentioned it, they just gave you funny looks. It all made sense. Your dad came in, they explained it all to him. They traced it to Tyler’s phone, and your dad chose to press charges.

You saw Tyler a couple of times, in huge, explosive fights outside his house. The case was days away from success, days from him being sued, an agreement saying he’d never be able to share them. Then, your mom came back. It had been almost a month, but she came back, taking almost every penny your dad owned.

Unable to afford the lawyer as well as the moving fees, the case fell through. You only found out about the move the next day, talks of it having been circulating for a few weeks. You had three days, and in those days, all of your friends fell out with you, deciding you had chosen to hide it, not believing that you hadn’t known. Your only ally was Cassie. 

You moved, and then, you met JJ.

--

JJ’s eyes were glittering, shining, with fury. He was hurt at the idea that someone would hurt you like that. He wanted to hit something, but given your vulnerable state, tried to remain calm. You nestled into him, breathing sporadic as you processed the fact that you had said it out loud. He ran his hand over the bare skin under your borrowed top, an act of comfort that spoke the thousands of words he didn’t know how to say. The air felt thick with tragedy, hanging over the pair of you like a suffocating blanket. 

The night was raw, painful. Wounds that were hardly healed were torn open, twice as big, exposed, hurtful. Both of you, teenagers who’d been through more than any teenager should have, hurting. You didn’t move for a long time, the comfortable silence consuming you. His breathing was slow, resting. He slipped into a well-deserved slumber, as you listened to his heartbeat. You realised that you felt something for him. You’d never felt it before, not even with Tyler. You felt your heart swell when you thought about him, and contract painfully when you thought about his hurt. You decided you would protect the boy until the day you died, because God knows he needed it. 

Always the protector, helper, giver. He deserved to be protected. He deserved more than what he had, more than you could offer, but it didn’t matter, because as long as you were able to, you’d try and be what he needed, deserved, wanted. It came out as a whisper, breaking the long, peaceful silence. Rough and straightforward, plain and forward, but full of meaning. Full of the emotions you’d hidden from him, the thoughts that plagued you at night, the words you’d tried to push down for weeks now.

“I love you.”

Tags: @tangledinsparkles​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @lolitstiana​ @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch​ @teamnick​ @thoughtsofthestars​ @obxmxybxnk​ @jjmaybankswife​ @kaelyn-lobrutto24​ @sxcretinhuman​ @alexa-playafricabytoto​ @angvelics​ @badwolf00593​ @coloradogirl07​ @mendesmaybank​ @jiaraendgame​ @5am-cigarette​ @emerald-xcd​ @haharudy

[fearfilledvirgil]

Stargazing Lovers

Summary: Virgil was having a disaster of a day. That somewhat changed when he went for a late-night walk, bent on stargazing. 

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of death, mentions of insomnia/all-nighters, anxiety, intrusive thoughts

Word count:  4330

Pairings: analogical, platonic moxiety

A/N: this sprung from a word association game with @lovecrazyjennybear! She co-wrote it with me. and yeah hi hello im still alive hope y’all are too

masterlist

Taglist: @rileyfirstname @verymuchanidiot @definentlynotjustanotherlemon @silversmith-91 @kanejandkruge @sander-fander-sides @lovecrazyjennybear @the-incedible-sulk

~•~

Rain. Virgil loved it when it rained because of a multitude of reasons. When it rained, the sky was cloudy, and that meant that the bright, ever-blinding sun was gone. It was cold when water poured down from the sky, which meant that Virgil could wear his hoodie without any questioning. The sound of the rain pouring down on the roof and window were a comfort to him as well, which meant that his anxiety was at ease. Lastly, the rain produced a particular smell after it drenched the pavement, which was another great comfort to him about rain. Rain meant something to Virgil, and he certainly didn’t mind walking in it. He didn’t mind getting wet, getting cold, because that was just another reminder that he was, indeed, alive.

One thing that Virgil loved doing when it rained ever since he was a kid was jumping into puddles. Due to his anxiety that someone would be watching him and make fun of him for it, he didn’t do it often anymore. This didn’t completely stop him, however. Any time he knew there was no one else at home, he would go into the backyard and find the biggest puddle he could and jump in it.

Another reason he didn’t go jumping in puddles anymore was that he rarely wore his rain boots in public. He loved them, but they did nothing to help his anxiety. The black boots his best friend Patton got him had small purple rain clouds with lightning bolts coming out of them. They were a great match for Virgil’s personality, but not for his desire to not draw attention to himself. Virgil would only wear them out in public if he were out with Patton, as his rain boots were a generic bright yellow with a light blue clasp and sole.

Luckily for Virgil at this very moment, he was home alone, and the rain was pouring down harder than ever. He wanted to go and let out his childish side, but he couldn’t find his rain boots anywhere. He looked in every closet, cupboard, nook, and cranny to find the rubber shoes, but he was unable to. That fact alone made a weight of guilt settle in the pit of his stomach. Patton would be devastated if he found out that Virgil had lost the boots he gave him. The two always wore their rain boots out when they were together and it was rainy or wet. Virgil didn’t want to let him down, but here he was, unable to find what he was looking for.

Being the only person in the house that cared about cleanliness, he was usually the person who did all the cleaning. Virgil liked a clean house because an uncluttered space made his anxiety calm down. When he knew where things were, he was happy, but he currently did not know where his rain boots were. Therefore, he was not happy. Virgil didn’t understand where they could have gone. As mentioned, he was the only one who cleaned, so someone else wouldn’t have moved them anyway.

He knew that his anxiety would not help him in finding the boots. Virgil also knew that doing something repetitive like cleaning would help him relax enough to start thinking logically. He looked around for something that needed to be cleaned and noticed a couple of dishes still in the sink. With a sigh, Virgil got to work on making sure they were spotless. Once that task was complete, he felt calmer and level headed, so he began thinking of the last place he had seen the boots.

From what he could remember, the last time he wore them was when he went for a walk in the rain with Patton. Walks with Patton lead to puddle splashing, which usually leads to muddy boots. Where do muddy boots go? The garage. With that unclear memory in mind, he decided to attempt to find them in the garage.

After at least two hours of searching, Virgil found nothing. He looked everywhere in the garage from the high racks to the low crates. He could not, for the life of him, find his rain boots. At this point, Virgil had no motivation left to continue to look in the garage. The sun had probably set a while ago, so it was even colder in the non-insulated garage than before. To top that off, it wasn’t even raining anymore. Tired, stressed, unmotivated, and guilty, Virgil decided to retreat to his bathroom with his towel in hand.

With a sigh, Virgil turned on the water until it was nearly scalding hot. He then stepped into his shower, knowing full well that he would spend more time contemplating than actually showering. It was easy to with the water cascading down his back, and the darkness smothering his eyes. Virgil couldn’t bear to turn on the light, not when (in combination with other things) the night was so beautiful. He loved the night, the dark, so he reveled in it. The dark was where even he couldn’t see his own flaws.

After the water grew cold, Virgil stepped out, wrapping himself into his towel. Once he made it into his room, he noticed the clouds that once had covered the sky were no more. Without the heavy cover, the stars showed themselves to be shining brightly in the night air. Even though the puddle jumping was a failure, it didn’t mean he still couldn’t try and enjoy the day. The anxious boy could almost hear Patton’s voice in his head, saying that one bad experience doesn’t make an entire day irretrievable. Changing into black sweats, a black shirt, and his hoodie, Virgil made his way outside and towards a hill near his house to practice some Astronomy.

When he reached the peak, however, there was already someone there.

The person’s back was facing Virgil, clad in some sort of dark collared shirt. The figure turned around in an instant, probably in response to Virgil’s footsteps on the grass or his breathing that was becoming heavier as the seconds ticked on. The whites of the hoodie-clad boy’s eyes were astoundingly exposed, unblinking irises expanding tenfold at the star-lit face of the intruder of Virgil’s safe place.

The first thing that Virgil saw was the glint of the moonlight reflecting off of glasses. His first thought was of Patton, but when the light faded, Virgil tensed.

It was Logan. Logan Sanders, the biggest nerd who was top of Virgil’s class. The boy who never got below 95% on any assignment; the seemingly friendless tutor who no one ever saw outside of anything academic in nature. Logan, who usually was seen wearing some kind of formal attire, whether it be only a tie or up to a three-piece suit. This was the boy who expressed his few and far between emotions with his catchphrase “falsehood” screamed at the top of his lungs. Normally the accusation used to that caliber happened during a debate when someone would present a lie as factual, knowingly or otherwise.

Honestly, this guy was strangely calming to Virgil when he wasn’t fuming at other’s stupidity during an argument. He was calm, at least from a distance. Virgil never fully interacted with him before, keeping Logan and anyone else at an arm’s length. But Logan didn’t look down on people for not knowing something. He didn’t barrage people for not having the same understanding as him, instead helping the person see the problem clearer. He was a Logician, working on facts but never discarding emotions and experiences.

Virgil swayed on his feet, realizing that he had been staring at Logan for too long to be socially acceptable.

“You were in my Astronomy class last year, weren’t you?” Virgil blinked when Logan broke the silence. Logan took a small step closer to Virgil, tilting his head in curiosity.

“I… uh,” Virgil stuttered out, internally cursing himself. He made his feet take a half-a-step closer to Logan despite the churning in his stomach. He swallowed the lump rising in his throat, trying to ignore the tension in his chest. “Yeah.”

Virgil clenched his jaw, disappointment in himself growing for how lamely he ended that pathetic excuse for a sentence. Logan seemed to notice this with a blink and a relaxing of his shoulders.

“Logan Sanders.” Logan offered his left hand gently, keeping it relaxed and pointed downwards slightly. Virgil was grateful for the fact that his other hand was still in sight.

“Um. Virgil,” His left hand shakily escaped from his hoodie pocket. Virgil almost wanted to scoff at Logan introducing himself, as if they didn’t share a year-long course together the year prior. Then again, Virgil had no idea how people usually introduced each other. With a harsh blink and a cringe in on himself, the uneasy boy registered that he didn’t give his last name as Logan had. “Virgil Casey.” The two hands met in the middle of the space between the two of them, and clasped together gently for a handshake.

“Salutations, Virgil,” Logan released Virgil’s hand, taking a step back. One foot was still facing Virgil, but the other was pointed toward a telescope that Virgil hadn’t noticed before. His body was half facing the other boy, yet still slightly away from him. “I suppose you came up here to look at the stars as well?”

Virgil nodded, putting his hand back in his coat pocket. “If you would like, I’d be willing to show you some constellations.” Logan blinked at how fast Virgil’s head snapped upwards from its downward position at his words.

“I know some,” Virgil’s voice hardened as his words cut defensively.

“I didn’t mean to say you don’t know any,” Logan’s voice was low, the vibrations from his words a soft hum. Virgil didn’t notice that he walked close enough to Logan to appreciate the cadence of his voice. “I was merely asking if you would like to be shown some more?”

“Oh. Um. Sure?” He didn’t mean the last word to be a question, but that’s how it came out. Forever unsure of himself, Virgil frequently made statements sound more like questions. It was one of the many things he disliked about himself, come to think of it. Virgil wrapped his arms around his torso, clawing his fingers tightly around his jacket sleeves.

Logan motioned to his telescope in a way of invitation, nodding his head toward it with the gesture. “I have this positioned to be able to see Apus.”

Virgil’s feet (not clad in his rain boots, something that still made his stomach turn) moved without his consent until they stopped in front of the telescope. He glanced away from the man beside him, settling his eyes on the telescope. “To see what now?”

“Apus. It is the exotic bird, or the bird-of-paradise, in the sky. Its name is Greek for ‘without feet’ because the Greek people once believed the bird-of-paradise did not have feet.” Logan took half a step back from his machine, allowing Virgil to take his place in front of it. It was a beautiful device, the most beautiful that Virgil had ever seen. The base color was black, the metal dark yet shining in the starlight. It had accents of dark blue it seemed, though it was difficult to tell in the dark. There were also silver linings on the telescope, pulling everything together into beauty.

“Oh my fucking god,” Virgil stepped up to line himself with the telescope. He let some of his anxiety go, wishing upon himself smoother emotions. “You are such a nerd.” Virgil leaned in to look into the telescope.

“Roman seems to enjoy calling me that,” Logan commented, more to himself that to Virgil. While Logan and Roman weren’t exactly friends, they did have a friendly rivalry going in their English class.

“He’s a prep who rules the school. It’s almost like it’s ingrained into his DNA or something,” Virgil didn’t look away from the telescope, enjoying the star shape he’d never knew existed. “Any other stars you wanna show me?”

Logan enjoyed Virgil’s enthusiasm at learning about space. It was something he knew plenty of. The two continued to look at different constellations long into the night. Virgil sometimes asking to know more information than Logan first gave on a particular group of stars. Before either of them knew it the two had talked until it was nearly morning.

Logan was the first to notice the time. “I will definitely need to correct my Circadian Rhythm seeing as it is 5 am.”

“Fuck, is it really?”

“I would not lie about that. It appears that I need to return home in order to get ready to go.”

Virgil squinted his eyes in confusion. It was now early Saturday morning, so where did Logan need to go to? “Where are you going if you don’t mind me asking?”

“My family is taking a day trip to the museum.”

Virgil looked at him. “Well I think you’ll have fun. Especially since you like the history and science stuff.”

“I agree it should be enjoyable.”

The two waited in silence for many moments more, both reluctant to leave the hilltop. Unbenounced to Virgil, Logan was apprehensive to leave. He didn’t want to leave Virgil–the boy who yelled and hissed and hit back but shook with fear once it was over–alone in this secluded place when it was still nightfall. Virgil didn’t want to leave because of a similar reason, but also because of the time. In about an hour, the sun would rise, and seeing it’s rays slowly but surely peak over the horizon from way up here was the most beautiful thing that Virgil had ever seen.

That is, not counting that look in Logan’s eyes when he’s rambling about something he particularly enjoys.

“Are you coming?” Logan’s smooth, if not tired, voice pressed in through Virgil’s ears, causing him to remove his eyes from the horizon. The other had already packed up his telescope and was seemingly ready to leave the hilltop. Virgil’s heart plummeted. He was the reason he was still here?

“It’s a little early to leave, isn’t it?” Virgil said under his breath. He still didn’t want to return home. If he could, he would live the rest of his life inside this one moment.

“What do you mean?” Logan asked.

“It’s just… The sunrise is always a wonderful thing to see. The way the sky slowly changes colors from the darkness of night to the bright color of the morning is breathtaking,” He turned to look back at the skyline. “Don’t you want to see that?”

Logan just looked at Virgil for a few moments. He could see that Virgil truly loved the idea of watching the sunrise. It was also clear that Virgil didn’t want to go home, at least not yet. Why? Logan didn’t know, but he couldn’t leave the other boy up on this hill alone. With a quick look at his watch, Logan decided he could stay until the sunrise and not be late for the family trip.

“That does sound pleasant. I suppose we should stay for it.”

“Wait. Really?” Virgil asked

“Yes.” Logan put down his telescope case to further prove his point.

“Thank you,” Virgil started out, taking a deep breath before shifting to get comfortable sitting down on the grass. “When it’s past 5 am, there’s really no reason in going to bed anyway. Getting sleep messes with being able to sleep the next night so…”

“I take it you have sleepless nights often, then?” Logan countered as he sat down next to Virgil. Very close to him, Virgil noticed instantly. “That cannot be good for your health.”

“I try to avoid it, but it’s bound to happen.” Virgil put his arms around his knees, going silent as the faintest peaks of sunlight started to slide over the horizon. The sunrise was early today, he supposed.

The light was fascinating. It crawled slower than a snail’s pace, but it still lit up the sky as it did so. It grew and grew, creeping up and out of the hills with every passing moment. Soon, the grave the sun made for itself was opening wider, allowing a sliver of the sun to be shown. The sky had taken a golden hue near the horizon a long while ago, the gold rays of light infecting the dark navy sky and bringing it to life. It was a painfully slow process, but as Virgil watched it in silence with Logan by his side, he could never have asked for anything more.

The sun was up. It was now shining brightly just over the horizon. It hurt to look at now, but that wasn’t stopping Virgil. He still didn’t move.

“Is there,” Logan paused, swallowed, and shifted so he faced Virgil. “Is there a particular reason you haven’t departed yet?”

��Hmm?” Virgil hummed instead of giving a worded answer. He turned away from the cloud-obscured sun to look at Logan.

Logan’s lips were pursed, eyebrows tighter than before. It was odd for Virgil to see, especially since the boy’s face had been relaxed for the entirety of their night together. “You wished to see the sunrise. That seems to have ended several minutes ago yet you haven’t made any attempt to move.”

Virgil shifted to put his hands under his legs, sitting on the shaking fingers. “It’s just... peaceful up here.”

“It is.” Logan needlessly adjusted his glasses. There was a pause, then, slowly, “However… I believe that there is another reason.”

Air heavily released from Virgil’s lungs, blowing out of his nose as his body deflated. Even after only a night spent together, Logan was able to read him better than most others. Not including Patton (who’s gift of rain boots he had lost and hadn’t been able to find). He wasn’t sure that he could tell Logan the many reasons why he didn’t want to go yet. There wasn’t a specific one, really, but rather a list of anxieties weighing Virgil down to the hilltop. “Mom’s out of town on a business trip. I don’t enjoy being home alone.”

“And your father is out of town as well?” Logan’s voice barely lifted at the end, as if it were more of a statement than a question. That was a reasonable, logical thought. Most people assumed that their peers still had both parents, especially at this age.

Virgil’s eyes broke away from Logan’s form. They wandered back to the sky, then fixed downwards at his thighs. “My dad…” The words were heavy on his tongue. “He died a few years ago.”

His father’s death was a sore subject. It was something that he never talked about, even with Patton. The two had met after his dad’s passing, so Patton never knew Virgil with both parents at his side. Virgil was certain that Patton was still under the impression that his dad died when Virgil was a young child, not a struggling teenager.

Silence rang out into the night as if Logan was at a loss for words. He probably was, considering the odd breathing pattern coming from him. It sounded as if Logan was opening his mouth, then closing it again, several times. “I, well... I apologize, Virgil. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t know, Logan.”

The silence that had begun after Virgil revealed something personal persisted for longer. It wasn’t an uncomfortable, stifled silence like before. Actually, the silence was nearer to the comfortable calm when they watched the sunrise. However, after a fair few minutes, Logan broke the stillness. “Unfortunately, I do need to return home.”

Virgil’s head reluctantly straightened up, slowly turning to nod in confirmation. He hated that the wonderful time had to end. A squirming, crawling emotion slithered in his chest. What if he’d never have such an amazing, peaceful night again? And with someone was smart and kind as Logan? There would be an uneasy sense of finality in walking home now.

It felt as if the air knew that this was something that would never happen again.

Logan picked himself off from the ground, moving to grab his telescope case. Unbeknownst to Virgil, the blue-clad boy was deeply lost in thought. The previous night was one of the most pleasant and calming that he’d had in a while. The hilltop was perfect for watching the stars, which he knew. What Logan didn’t understand until then was how nice it was to find someone who was as passionate about astronomy as he was.

“Virgil?”

“Hmm?” Virgil hummed in response.

“I was wondering if you would like to join me up here again Sunday night? Or considering it is nearly six in the morning, tomorrow night. We are due for an eclipse and while they are very pleasing to see with the naked eye, they are absolutely astonishing to see with the telescope. And it allows you to see some of the stars that are positioned closer to the moon you cannot normally see due to the brightness.”

Virgil’s eyes widened at the invitation. Logan–intelligent, seemingly friendless Logan–had invited him to spend more time with him? This couldn’t be the same Logan he knew from school. He had to be possessed or overtaken by a ghost or something. There was no way that he’d want to spend time with anyone, let alone someone who was such a mess.

Noticing the panic that gathered in Virgil’s eyes, Logan reached out his free hand to gently touch Virgil’s shoulder. The action made the anxious one jump, tense, then relax in the span of a few seconds. He never would have considered that someone like Logan would want to touch someone like Virgil. Logan’s hand remained on top of Virgil’s shoulder, just under his hood.

“I enjoyed spending time with you, Virgil,” Logan offered a twitch upwards of his lips along with a softening of the lines around his eyes and forehead. “Our shared interest and easy-going interactions make me want to see you again.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” Logan didn’t seem to mind that he had to constantly reassure Virgil of his anxieties. “I didn't realize that the night had passed because I enjoyed spending time with you. It’s rare to find someone with so much passion for something. You clearly love astronomy and wish to learn as much as possible. It’s refreshing actually.” The small smile never left Logan’s face.

Without realizing what he was doing, the anxious boy had wrapped his arms around Logan in a hug. When Logan didn’t initially return it, his thoughts started to get the better of him. He tensed, arms stiff but still around the boy who was practically a stranger. Why did he do that? Why did he think that was acceptable? Virgil probably just fucked up a good thing, didn’t he? Logan was merely being kind and he went and did something like that? He was such a dumbass.

Thankfully, a microsecond later, those anxieties were pushed aside slightly when he felt arms wrap around him. “Sorry,” Virgil said softly, wondering how that much of Patton had managed to rub off on him that he’d do something like that.

“It’s quite alright. I was just not expecting it.” Logan’s hands smoothed across Virgil’s back in a star pattern, as if he were drawing the shape. It was comforting, but the familiarity made tears begin to prick at Virgil’s eyes. His dad used to do that when he hugged his son.

Virgil blinked heavily. He tightened his grip on Logan, bunching the fabric of his shirt in his fingers. That level of hug lasted only a few seconds before Virgil loosened his arms. Both began to pull away.

“I guess, goodbye then?” Virgil mumbled, voice slightly wetter than he would have liked. It was slightly choked up, but thankfully Logan didn’t comment on it.

“It seems so.” Logan pulled his hands completely away from Virgil, their fingertips brushing for a moment. They stayed there, staring at each other, for a moment too long. Virgil cleared his throat, and Logan swallowed. His lips were turned upwards ever so slightly. “See you here tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Virgil shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. They were tingling for some reason that most definitely wasn’t anxiety. His mouth upturned into a smile to mirror Logan’s. “Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow.” Logan echoed with a nod, then leaned down to pick up his telescope case. Virgil didn’t know when he had put it down. Both took a few steps away from each other with shuffling feet on the damp grass. Logan’s mouth parted, then quickly closed without further words. The four-eyed boy turned, let his feet begin to carry him away from (Virgil dare say) his newfound friend, before casting his head backward one last time.

The view he witnessed was incomprehensible.

Virgil stood just at the edge of the hill, teetering on the brink of disaster. The dim lighting of newborn sunlight didn’t allow Logan to see Virgil’s face in its entirety, but he perceived the most noticeable details. He looked calm, standing next to doom, face soft and blissful with the smallest of genuine smiles gracing his lips. The wind had picked up at some point, allowing the dark locks of the anxious one’s hair to float just so. His unzipped jacket was fluttering in the breeze as well. Jingles of the tiniest variety sounded from the zipper clinking against metal. The sun, partially blocked by clouds, shown vibrantly from behind. The rays that escaped the warmly colored sky protruded out from Virgil as a hollow of light.

“Goodbye, Virgil.” Logan found himself saying, breathless.

“Bye, Logan.” Virgil tipped his fingers off his forehead in a salute, his smile infinite in the sunlight. Logan turned away once more, his own smile growing exponentially, feelings in both of their chests swirling swiftly at the days to come.

[diazpoems]

I watched Raya and the Last Dragon for the first time:

Oooh I love the animation for the backstory

That’s sisu!!

Tuk tuk is so precious oh my god

DAMN THASA DILF RIGHT THERE

the animation and scenery is so beautiful

GIRL CALM DOWN

I love her dad already. I feel like I’m jinxing it tho

It’s cool how their features differ a little bit by nation actually.

Can y’all act like adults please

Aww young Namaari and Raya

SOMEHOW A CHILD HAS BETTER DIPLOMATIC ABILITIES AND EMOTIONAL MATURITY THAN ALL Y’ALL

they’re so??? Cute???

THIS IS SO QUEERCODED

SHE DID THE DEBBIE RYAN HAIR TUCK

sorry raya but why would you be so naive

YOU DID NOT JUST KICK TUK TUK

THEY FUCKING SHOT THE DAD

ALL YALL COULDNT FUCKING CONTROL YOURSELVES SO WHAT DID YOU DO. YOU BROKE THE GODDAMN GEM

FUCKING IDIOTS ALL YALL

well, he can be woken up right. So I’m not too worried. But like I’m still sad.

I hate when people are blatantly reckless and they don’t even accomplish anything. Like first—they just didn’t have any self restraint or reason. But they didn’t even get what they wanted.

Oh shit tuk tuk got big

THE PUPPY ANALOGY IS SO FUNNY

A really strong swimmer omg

Oh shit it’s fang

I??? NAMAARI IS GORGEOUS???

SHE FUCKING PUSHED HIM DOWN. SHES STRONG. AJSBJSJS

“Wicked when I hit the liquid”

SISU IS ADORABLE

cat lady? Namaari is definitely a lesbian

It’s the flirty banter for me

ok what the fuck does binturi mean

Boun is so funny

Is virana her mother?

Idk I think dang hai is p stylish

Sisu oh my god

Second hand embarrassment

Ohh it is her mother

SISU STOP FUCKING DOING THIS

Don’t trust her sisu I swear

God I love the visual sorta impact of rain in partial clouds. Like it’s happened a few times here where it was sunny and cloudy at the same time but it was also lightly raining and it’s always such a stunning visual choice

Your dragons are gnc as fuck

This is gonna go so wrong

The brainwashing virana is enforcing is amazing

THEYRE GONNA COME FOR YALL BECAUSE YOURE BITCHES

intent doesn’t matter. It’s impact. you may not have meant to do anything. But ya did.

ITS THE GAY GIVING BACK THE OLD THING AND STARING AT THE PALACE WONDERING IF SHE GOT IT FOR ME

This is so gay

She’s a good actress so don’t quite trust it

She did the Debbie Ryan again

It’s her lying move I think

DONT TURN YOUR BACK ON YOUR OPPONENT WHERES NAMAARI

YOU FUCKING GO YOU BAD BITCH

god I love when characters just go ape shit

Like sure it’s not technically right but also ~rage~

INTENT DOESNT MATTER NAMAARI. LIKE GODDAMN. HOW MANY TIMES WE HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS.

mmm no I don’t think she is

GAYYYYY

OH SHIT SHE LET THE DRUUN TAKE HER

Namaari was gonna finish it the whole time

AND WHEN THEY WAKE UP THEY KISS

sooo are ya gonna be decent virana

DRAGONS DRAGONS

the rituals are intricate

LMAO WHY DID I THINK OF THE VINE WHERE ITS LIKE “IIIIM. HUNGRYYYY. DON’T YOU EAT ANY OF MY FOOOOD.”

I WANNA SEE CHIEF BENJA AGAIN

BA

IM GONNA CRYYYY

[freddiesaysalright]

The Most Dramatic Season Ever - Week 2

Summary: It’s your time now! You are ABC’s new Bachelorette and this is your journey! All these men (including our fav BoRhap boys and then some) are competing for your heart! Will you find love? Will you get engaged at the end? Or will you end up heartbroken? Find out, on the most dramatic season ever!

Word Count: 6.7k

Tag List: @psychosupernatural​ @someone-get-a-medic​, @bensrhapsody​, @deakyclicks​, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @the-moving-finger-writes​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @rose-writes-prose​, @queenlover05​, @moon-stars-soul​, @danadeacon​, @deacyblues​, @thesundrop​, @cupidben​, @lostlittlenerd​, @delilahmay39​, @mazzellodeaky​, @queenmylovely​, @loveandbeloved29​, @free-pool-trash​, @fairestkillerqueenofall​, @local-troubled-writer​, @babyalienfairy​, @littlecarowrites​, @allthethingsicant​, @im-an-adult-ish​ If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all! Here’s my gift to you! I know you’ve been waiting a while for it and for that, I apologize lol. Hope you enjoy :D

Warning(s): None :)

Night 1  Week 1

Week 2 here we go!!!

As the next week began, you were still feeling hopeful. You were excited about the dates this week, and you knew who you wanted more from. Truly, this whole group of men had your attention. They were all so sweet and appeared to be completely committed to getting to know you. That brought you comfort, since your worst fear was getting to the end of this only to find yourself in love or engaged to someone who wasn’t genuine.

The guys were feeling similarly hopeful. However, Luke was rubbing everyone the wrong way. Even guys who didn’t really talk to him much were annoyed by his antics. He was always talking about how this was basically a done deal, and that he was going to be your husband. So, the whole house tended to avoid him. 

As they all waited for a date card, he started again.

“It’s gotta be my name,” he said, rubbing his hands together. “Just gotta be.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “You don’t know that, Luke.”

“I know how she feels about me,” Luke argued. “And how strong our connection is.”

“But you’re assuming her connections with the rest of us aren’t as strong,” Allen pointed out.

“Yeah, I am,” Luke said. “Because I know that for a fact.”

“How can you know that, dude?” interjected John Paul Jones. “You’re not there for every other conversation.”

“I just do,” Luke said. “I know in my heart that she’s gonna be my wife.”

A few of the other men began to bristle at his words, but didn’t speak up.

“Just ignore this, guys,” said Wells. “Let it go.”

There was a knock at the door. Eager to escape this conversation with Luke, Gwilym got up to answer it. He took the date card back into the living room.

“Alright, let’s see what it is,” he said, waving it around before tearing it open.

All eyes were on Gwilym as he read the card to himself first.

“It’s a one on one,” he said, and the group took a collective breath. “Ben. I want our love to take off. Love, Y/N.”

Gwil handed the card to its lucky recipient, and it took everything in Ben’s power to not smash that paper right into Luke’s smug face. He read your name over and over, and his heart raced. That always seemed to be the effect you had on him.

“Well, guys, I guess I better go get ready,” he said, getting to his feet. 

He ignored Luke’s glowering all the way to his room.

You arrived at the mansion to retrieve Ben, much to the delight of the rest of the men. They all rushed to hug you before you would have to go. You sat on the couch to talk to them for a moment while Ben was still getting ready.

“So, how is everyone?” you asked as you squeezed between Gwilym and Rami. “Doing alright?”

They sort of murmured back at you and you understood. Not everyone got along in the house and you assumed that was happening here too. There were plenty of girls you were not super fond of when you were competing on The Bachelor. You wondered if this would seep into the group date or the cocktail party. Drama was a quick way to take up time, which was too precious to waste talking about other people. But, if someone there was being false, you wanted to know. It was a difficult position to be in.

Then, Ben emerged from his room. You beamed at him as he helped you to your feet.

“Are you ready to go?” you asked.

“I’m always ready for time with you,” he replied.

You flushed a little and then started toward the door. You bid the rest of the men one last goodbye before finally leaving and heading out for your date.

Rami: It always sucks to see her go out with someone else. When she walked in, I felt like, ‘Oh! There’s my girlfriend!’ So, it’s hard to know she’s on a date with Ben. Ben’s a great guy, but I still wish it were me instead, y’know? Although...part of me is just glad it’s not Luke.

You and Ben were driven out to an airport where there was a helicopter waiting for you. You loved flying, so you were thrilled by the idea. You squealed happily and jumped into Ben’s arms.

“Yes!” you cried. “I’ve never been in a helicopter before!”

“Really?” he returned. “It’s loads of fun!”

You ran forward excitedly and got ready. The crew placed a set of headphones and mic on you so you two would be able to talk to each other throughout. Then, you and Ben sat by the edge and waited for take off.

It rose slowly into the air, and you gripped Ben’s hand a little tighter. It felt uneasy, as opposed to a plane, which you were used to. The thrill of this new thing, with a man you were very interested in, made your stomach turn like you were on a roller coaster and about to drop down that first hill.

The sight of Los Angeles as you soared above it was amazing. You could see so much. The buildings, the nature around the city, everything! As the pilot headed south, you saw the coast and the cliffside shore lines.

“It’s beautiful,” Ben said in awe beside you.

You looked at him. “It really is.”

He moved your mics to the side and leaned in to kiss you softly. 

“You’re even more beautiful,” he whispered into you.

Your smile prevented him from kissing you again.

“Thank you,” you said sweetly. 

He pecked your cheek and you giggled.

The ride was really incredible. You got to see California like you never really had before, and Ben just seemed like the perfect person to share it with. You landed on a remote cliffside field, where a blanket was laid out with a bottle of champagne on ice. Ben helped you onto the ground and together you walked to take a seat and talk for a little bit.

“That was really cool,” he said as he poured each of a glass of the crisp, refreshing beverage. 

“It was,” you agreed. “I’m glad you were with me.”

“Thanks for the invite,” he replied.

You leaned over this time and kissed him. His lips were so warm and pillowy. You could have kissed him forever.

“So, what made you want to try this experience?” you asked. “The whole Bachelorette thing?”

“Honestly, a friend suggested it to me,” he told you. “I’m about ready to retire from rugby, and I want to settle down and have a fresh start. When I saw your picture, I thought my heart might stop beating.”

You frowned a little. It seemed Ben was pretty caught up in your looks.

“What else about me intrigued you?” you pressed. “What made you confident that this could work?”

“I didn’t watch the whole season you were on,” he admitted. “But from what I saw, I gathered that you’re kind, smart, and generous. And you’re ready for the same things I want. Marriage. A family. Making a home - a life - together.”

A smile slowly crept back onto your lips. “I like that answer.”

“What made you go on the Bachelor?” he asked.

You looked out over the water and considered this. None of the other men had asked you that yet.

“Well, I knew I was ready to settle down,” you said. “This process is like speed dating on steroids, y’know? But I know I’m ready to be married. So, this seemed like a good path for me. It didn’t work out with Peter, obviously, but I’m still hopeful.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” he said. “But I’m so glad it didn’t work out with him. You’re amazing, and I’m so thrilled that I’m getting the chance to get to know you.”

“You’re so sweet, Ben,” you said.

Once again, he kissed you. There was more passion behind this kiss than the previous ones. You coiled your arms around his neck and pulled him in closer. He grinned into you and yanked you onto his lap. You giggled for a split second before planting your mouth firmly back onto his. The feel of the ocean breeze, the quaintness of where you were, and the warmth of Ben’s body had your mind going cloudy. The only thing really in focus was Ben. You could safely say that he was one of your strongest connections.

After your little picnic, you climbed back into the helicopter to return to the city for the evening portion of the date. As you prepared for it, you thought about your day with Ben and how grateful you were for him. But, you still had a lot of questions for him. You needed to know more about his past and figure out if this was truly something he was ready for.

You met up outside an art gallery. You went in where your dinner set up was waiting. Ben helped you out of your jacket and pulled your chair out for you before taking a seat himself. You shared a small toast before sipping your drinks. You took a deep breath.

“Can I ask you something?” you wondered.

“Yeah, anything,” he answered.

“Tell me about your love life thus far,” you said. “Like, when’s the last time you were in love?”

Ben swallowed and looked at you. “Um...never. I’ve never been in love before.”

A chill went through you. Your mouth fell slightly agape as you looked at him.

“W...what?”

“I know it’s odd for someone my age, but it just hasn’t happened yet,” he went on. “I’ve never told a woman that I love her. Because I’ve never felt that way about someone.”

You blinked. Your mind scrambled for words, but none came to you. This was a shock you weren’t expecting. You had no idea how to follow up either. 

“I…” you trailed off. “Really?”

“Really.”

You tried to read his face, but his mouth was turned down just slightly in a way that told you he was becoming defensive. 

“Don’t shut down on me,” you said. “I’m just surprised.”

He sighed heavily. “I know. It’s a weird thing to admit and I’m feeling a bit...I dunno...judged.”

“Oh my God, Ben, I’m not judging you, I swear,” you said. “I’m just trying to process this because it kind of scares me.”

His brow furrowed. “Why does it scare you?”

“Because!” you cried. “Most people only know they’re in love because they’ve felt it before. Or something like it. What if we get further into this and you realize this isn’t what you expected? What if you realize it after we’re engaged? What if...what if you discover you want something more?”

His whole demeanor softened as he took your hand.

“Hey,” he said gently. “Listen to me. I’ve never been in love, it’s true. But I’ve always believed that it’s because I was only meant to love one person. One great love for all my life. Something more? What could anyone want more than that?”

With his free hand, he cupped your cheek. You closed your eyes to the contact. His skin was warm and soft.

“Who could ever want more...than you?” he said.

Your eyes opened and met his. His words eased your heart. All fear dissipated as you held his gaze. Something in his eyes showed you how much he meant everything he said. 

“This seems totally crazy,” he said. “But I could definitely see myself falling in love with you. It’s not hard for me. The picture is there. I just need more time with you for my heart to catch up with my head.”

You chuckled a little and blinked back the tears of worry that had welled up in your eyes. You blinked and one spilled out. Luckily, Ben’s thumb was right there to catch it.

“C’mere,” he said, and he tugged you onto his lap again, draping your legs over his. 

He kissed your temple. You beamed at him. Then, you reached across the table and picked up the rose. You held it between your chest and his.

“Today was really great,” you said. “Getting to see LA like that and then just...talking to you. I feel like every moment we spend together is building something special. And for you to tell me what you did, and assure me after I had reservations, that was a sign of a great partner.”

He smiled at you.

“So Ben,” you said. “Will you accept this rose?”

“Always,” he replied.

You pinned it to his chest and he grinned at you. Sometimes, you were so caught up in Ben’s eyes that you didn’t notice his smile. You noticed it now, and it struck you as something sweet and charming. It was boyish, but calm. You liked it. But, you just had to ruin it by kissing him again. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to mind.

After rewarding him the rose, you moved to another part of the art gallery. There, stood a singer and band, all waiting for you and Ben. They began to play as you walked in and he immediately spun you into his arms. You swayed together to the slow tempo of the song. You felt really secure there, wrapped up in him. As unsure as you were about his experience with love, you felt like he was capable of being exactly the man you needed in your life. He was strong but sensitive. Kind but honest. Handsome but humble. As you danced with him, you saw yourself with Ben for years to come. Hopefully even forever.

Ben: I feel amazing! It was great opening up to her and just being honest with each other. Those real conversations I think are so important in building a relationship. And yeah, I’ve never been in love before but I think I’m starting to get there with Y/N. I really can see her as my wife.

Back at the house, a date card arrived. It was a group date for all the remaining men. A few huffs were heard at there not being a second one on one. But, when Rami read out the card, there were more questions than anything.

“Let’s see if you can score,” Rami read. “Love, Y/N.”

“What on Earth does that mean?” Gwilym wondered.

“I’m guessing it’s sports related,” said Wells. “Which doesn’t bode well for me.”

Wells was quite slimmer than most of the guys, especially compared to guys like Ben and Kenny who were both athletes. Even so, he was as excited as the rest of them to see you.

Then, the door opened. All eyes turned to see if it was Ben, or a producer coming to take his bags. Almost everyone cheered as Ben came through, rose on his jacket. Joe was the first one to reach him and mussed his hair as congratulations.

“Yeah, Ben!” Joe cheered. “How’d it go, man?”

Ben flushed under all the attention, but his smile never faltered.

“It went well,” he said. “We talked a lot, I got vulnerable, and I felt like it was a step in the right direction for us.”

“Alright, that’s awesome,” Rami said, clapping Ben on the back.

“Did anyone else get a one on one?” Ben asked.

“No, we’re all going on a group date tomorrow,” Gwilym said. “Got the whole place to yourself, mate.”

“Oh, I’m gonna be so bored,” Ben joked.

He joined the group and also tried to speculate what the date could be. He thought that something athletic was likely, but which sport they could all play was a mystery. He wished them all the best of luck though before going to bed. The rest of them followed shortly after.

The next day, the men all gathered onto a luxurious bus and headed into the heart of Los Angeles. They stopped outside a football stadium. There, they saw you, looking absolutely adorable in a cheerleading uniform that was a soft, bright pink. As they pulled up and started climbing off the bus, you waved your pom-poms at them.

“Hi, guys!” you greeted as they all gathered in front of you. “I have a super fun date planned for today, and it’s a great way for all of you to get some energy out after being cooped up at the house. So, let’s go in!”

They all agreed and followed you into the stadium, where you were led them onto the field. There stood a large black man in his NFL jersey. He tossed a football from one of his massive hands to the other and smiled kindly at you and the men.

“What’s up, everybody?” he greeted.

A few of the guys were smiling widely, so they were clearly fans. They returned his greeting with a few polite “hellos” before waiting for someone to explain.

“Some of y’all may know this guy,” you said. “But for those that don’t, this is Thomas Davis. He’s a linebacker for the LA Chargers.”

“Fellas, I’ve been married for many years, so I know that marriage takes work, commitment, and - most importantly - heart,” Thomas began. “Just like the game. So what we’re gonna do today is play a game of football to show Y/N here that you’ve got what it takes. The winning team gets her all to themselves tonight. The losing team goes back to the mansion for the rest of the day.”

“The stakes are high, you guys,” you said. 

“Y/N has already divided you into two teams, the red team and the blue team,” Thomas added. “The red team is: Joe, Rami, Gwilym, Taron, Allen, Richard, Wells, and Mike. The blue team is: Eric, Kenny, Jared, Jordan, John Paul Jones, Chad, Luke, and John. Your jerseys and equipment are waiting for you in the locker room.”

Gwilym: I’m nervous, honestly. I’ve never watched or played American football before. I haven’t got a clue how it works. And all of us European guys are on the same team, so we might just be f***ed.

Richard: I actually love American football. I’ve seen a few games in London and had a great time. I’ve never played before, though.

As the red team all started suiting up, Mike and Joe took charge.

“Alright,” Mike said. “I know that some of y’all don’t have any idea how this game works, so I’m gonna break it down for you.”

He explained the basics of the game and what each of them could do to play well.

“We’ve got all the small guys on our team,” said Joe. “So we’re gonna have to go with a passing game since most of us probably can’t get past Kenny.”

Kenny was a professional wrestler, so making tackles would not be difficult for him.

“Are we gonna play one on one?” Rami asked.

“I think that’s best,” Mike said. “Don’t worry, I can take Kenny. Wells, you cover John. He’s the smallest on their side, and you’ve got the best shot with him. Richard, I want you on Jordan. He’s a male model, so he doesn’t wanna get hit. Gwil, you gotta cover Eric since you’ve got the height. Joe, you stay on JPJ. Rami, you’re on Jared. Taron, with Chad.”

Allen sighed heavily.

“That leaves me with Luke,” he said. 

“You got this, Allen,” Joe said. “We believe in you.”

Allen laughed a little and then they all headed out. When they returned to the field, you were chatting animatedly with Thomas Davis, but turned to smile when you saw them approach.

“Did you come up with a team name?” you asked.

“Flamin’ Hot Cheetos,” Mike and Joe said in unison, though it clearly wasn’t planned, since they gasped at each other before high-fiving with delight.

You looked at the blue team. “What’s your team name?”

“Blue Steel,” answered Kenny, and then shot his best fierce look in the other team’s direction.

“Alright, we’re gonna have the coin toss,” Thomas said. “Y/N, who’s the home team, and who’s visiting?”

You looked at the teams and considered it.

“Hmmm,” you said. “Since Rami’s from LA, the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos are the home team.”

“Okay, who are the captains?” Thomas asked.

The Flamin’ Hot Cheetos pushed Joe forward, while Blue Steel sent Kenny. 

“Joe, what do you call?” Thomas went on. “Rose or ring?”

“Ring,” Joe said.

“Okay, here we go.”

Thomas flipped the custom coin and everyone watched it twirl in the air before landing on rose. 

“Alright,” Thomas said. “Blue Steel wins the coin toss. You want the ball or will you defer?”

“We want the ball,” said Kenny with a smirk.

“Let’s get started,” Thomas replied.

“Alright, good luck, guys!” you called as you backed away to the sidelines.

They all got in place on the line of scrimmage. Jordan was serving as quarterback, with Kenny, Chad, and Luke in the center for his protection. Kenny hiked the ball, and as soon as it was snapped, the men collided. Jordan faked a hand off to Eric, who ran toward the outside, but in reality, Jordan stepped back. Jared took off through the middle, dodged Rami, and ran to get open. Jordan threw, and Jared caught the pass. Rami quickly arrived to tackle him before he could get any yards after the catch. The play was over.

However, Luke had already gone too far. As he and Allen struggled at the line, he grabbed Allen’s facemask and yanked it to the side. Thomas, who was serving as ref, had missed it, and therefore didn’t call a penalty. You, on the other hand, did see it. You admired Allen for not saying anything, but you decided to keep your eye on the situation when you could.

They lined up for the second down. In this play, Richard managed to get around Chad and tackle Jordan for a sack, setting Blue Steel back five yards. When Richard got up, he smiled and winked at you, making you blush as you cheered.

The game went on, and Blue Steel had a good drive, but weren’t able to score in the end. The ball went to Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Taron served as quarterback now, and on the first down, passed it to Richard for another first down. For the next play, Taron faked a hand off to Allen. Luke charged at Allen and tackled him hard, while the ball actually went to Joe, who ran it all the way for a touchdown. Luke, angered at his team for losing, kneed Allen in the chest before getting to his feet.

Allen let out a sharp “oof!” as Luke’s knee slammed into him. It knocked the breath out of him and he took longer to stand up. He looked out to see if anyone had noticed. A few of the guys had, but you were talking to Thomas again as the guys regrouped. Taron jogged over and helped Allen to his feet. That’s when you saw that something was off. Your brow furrowed.

Your eyes found Allen’s and you shot him a questioning look. He just shook his head and got back in place. You looked over at Luke, who was laughing at something with Chad. 

Allen: I’m not really sure what Luke’s f***ing problem is, but from the beginning of the game, he was very aggressive with me. I know he’s kind of an angry guy, but this is something else. It’s a lighthearted game and he’s acting like it’s his life on the line or something.

For the rest of the game, you noticed that Luke was particularly aggressive. Since Allen was his match up, Allen took the brunt of it, though Taron took some hits as well as Luke tried to sack him. It was enough to make you question if he really was a nice guy or not. True, winning meant more time with you, but this was only the beginning of the journey. Luke would have many opportunities to speak with you, even if his team didn’t win today. He was taking it far too seriously.

The game went on, and in the last minute, Allen scored the winning touchdown.

“Alright!” you cheered. “Go Flamin’ Hot Cheetos!”

Just as you started out to congratulate them, Luke came tearing into the endzone and tackled Allen once more. They skidded across the turf together. Allen struggled against Luke’s weight, but couldn’t shake him off. Finally, Luke stood up, and he looked about ready to spit on Allen. Thankfully, you arrived and got Allen to his feet.

“Allen!” you cried. “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” he said, catching his breath. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” you fretted. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s not your fault, darlin’,” he said kindly. 

You took his helmet off and kissed his cheek. Then you rounded on Luke.

“Hey!” you yelled. “The play was over! What were you thinking?!”

“I - wait - Y/N!” he sputtered. “I was just running and couldn’t stop myself.”

“Are you serious?” you shot back. “I saw you, Luke, you were at least ten yards away. That’s plenty of time to stop.”

“I didn’t mean to!” he insisted.

You rolled your eyes. “Oh my God, we all saw it! You’ve been roughing Allen up all day, which can maybe be passed off as the game, but that was completely out of line.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching for your hand, but you snatched it away.

“I’m not the one you need to apologize to,” you snapped.

Luke sighed and hung his head before looking at Allen.

“I’m sorry, man,” he said.

“S’alright,” Allen returned, though his tone made you wonder if he meant it.

“You can go wait on the bus while I say bye to everyone else,” you said sharply.

“Y/N, I -” Luke began. 

“Go!” you cut across him.

Fuming, he jogged off the field. 

Joe: Honestly, seeing Y/N yell at Luke like that was one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen.

You gave the rest of Blue Steel hugs before they left the stadium. You were sorry to see some of them go, since you liked a lot of those men, but you were looking forward to your evening with the winners.

Everyone cleaned up for the night, and you met them at a warehouse that was converted into a bar. It had multiple levels, and even a small, rooftop patio. It was a cool little place that you were excited to spend time in with these guys. As you all piled onto the couch, you made a small toast. Then, you turned to Allen.

“Allen, can we talk first?” you asked.

“Absolutely,” he agreed. 

You took his hand and led him off to a more private area. You took a seat together and you gave his hand a squeeze.

“Thanks for being such a good sport today,” you said. “You didn’t complain one time even though Luke was totally abusing you.”

“I’m not a very angry person, so I tried not to let it get to me,” he said. “Besides, we won in the end. That’s what’s important.”

“I’m glad you see it that way,” you told him.

“Look, I’m not here to worry about Luke or anyone else, really,” he said. “I like you, and that’s what I want to focus on.”

You smiled. “I like you too.”

“Gimme a kiss, love,” he smirked.

“You got it,” you replied and leaned in to press your lips to his.

You kissed him for what felt like hours. You could easily get lost in his lips. The way Allen kissed you was unique - although all the men were distinctive in their style. Allen was laid back and smooth, like his personality as well. It always made you feel so at ease.

You chatted for a bit longer before Joe came to get you next. You gave Allen a quick hug and then followed Joe up to the rooftop. It was chillier up there, so Joe wrapped you up in his arms. He pressed a kiss to your temple.

“Hey,” he whispered.

“Hey,” you returned.

“I’ve missed you,” he said. 

“I’ve missed you too, Joe,” you replied. “So much.”

“How are you feeling after today?” he asked. “I know you were frustrated there at the end.”

“I’m okay,” you assured him. “I like Luke, but he showed me a side of him that really concerns me.”

“Violence?” he questioned.

You nodded. Tears were already welling up in your eyes. You inhaled deeply and tried to keep them back, but one slid out anyway.

“What’s got you upset?” Joe asked.

You took a deep breath. “I...I had an ex that was physically abusive,” you admitted. You had no idea why you were spilling this to Joe. This was something you rarely told anyone. In fact, you had not even told Peter when you were competing for him on The Bachelor. “So, it really upsets me to see men act that way. I got so angry because I got scared.”

Joe’s expression softened. A deep pity moved into his beautiful eyes and he held you close to him again.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he said. “No one deserves to go through that. Especially not someone as wonderful as you are.”

“Thank you,” you sniffled. 

“I hope you feel safe now,” he said. 

“I do,” you said, burying your face in his chest. “Especially with someone so wonderful.”

He rubbed your back and stood in silence with you for a few moments. Joe was as comfortable as your own family. Not that you thought of him in a familial sense. Your attraction to him was definitely romantic. He was just a solid person that you could rely on. When he kissed you on the forehead, you nearly melted.

“You’re impressive,” he said. 

You looked up at him. “So are you. Thanks for being so sweet to me.”

He kissed you properly now, but it was still soft. You really did feel safe with Joe. Safer than you had felt in a long time. You had absolutely no regrets about sharing that bit of vulnerability with him.

You talked for a few minutes more before Richard pulled you next. You went with him back downstairs to a cozy corner with a fireplace. You were excited to talk to him because he had played so well during the game.

“Hey, you were incredible today,” you told him as you took a seat. “Who knew a Scottish guy could play some good ol’ American football?”

He chuckled. “I actually like American football. I had a great time today.”

“And you played well,” you said. “You sacked Jordan a few times, and that was no easy thing, getting past guys like Chad and Kenny.”

“Well, I was sort of trying to impress my girl,” he teased. “Looks like it worked.”

You smiled. “I am very impressed.”

You paused to take a sip of your wine. “Where does your confidence come from?”

“My confidence?” he questioned.

“Yeah,” you said. “You’re always like, kind of cool and suave about stuff. Where did you get that?”

“Okay, first off, I’d never describe myself as suave,” he laughed. “But honestly, it’s not something I always had.”

“Tell me more,” you said. 

“I got sort of bullied as a kid,” he told you. “I wasn’t into things a lot of the other boys were. Like, I loved theater and dance. I could participate in a lot of sports, but that wasn’t my passion, and I was sort of different because of it.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, taking his hand. “That’s terrible.”

“It made me who I am today,” he said. “I learned to embrace what I liked and what made me different. And I found people who supported me. My family was the most supportive and it’s because of them that I regained my confidence.”

“I love that,” you said. “Are you still close with your family?”

“Very,” he said. “My parents and sisters are my whole world. My nieces and nephews are as well. I love them so much my heart feels like it might explode.”

You chuckled and grinned. “So, you like children?”

“Oh, yeah,” he said. “I can’t wait to have my own some day.”

You gazed at him for a moment before claiming his lips with your own. You felt his confidence in how he kissed you as well. It made sense. That man knew what he was doing. His lips moved in wonderful harmony with yours, and he ended things with a soft nip to your bottom lip. You gasped a little and felt your face get hot. 

“You’re so cute,” he said, and then pecked your cheek.

“You’re so amazing,” you replied, still a bit breathless.

After Richard, you spent some time with Gwilym. You had a fun conversation with him and again you felt that hopeful feeling that you associated with him. Then you got to see Taron, and you reminisced on your Disney date a little bit before telling him he was a wonderful quarterback. Not long after, Rami stole some time with you as well. As the shortest guy there, you told him how impressed you were that he held his own on the field. The night wound down, and you got a few minutes with Mike and Wells as well before it was time to hand out the rose.

You picked it up off the table, and looked at it for a moment. For the first time, you weren’t totally sure who you wanted to give it to. Allen was one choice because he had been through the most that day. Richard was another since he opened up to you. Then there was Joe, whose time had been brief, but so meaningful.

“This is a tough choice,” you said. “You were all so great today.”

You felt their eyes flickering between your face and the rose in your hand.

“But I want to give this to someone who moved our relationship forward,” you went on. “Someone who I learned more about today. So, Richard, will you accept this rose?”

He smiled that perfect smile of his and accepted it as you pinned it onto his chest. You kissed his cheek and then stood up to bid them all goodnight.

“I’ll see you for the cocktail party,” you said. “Goodnight, everyone!”

You waved and then departed. As you and the men went to bed that night, everyone thought about the connections they had. It was becoming steadily more serious, and this rose ceremony would put the number of men at almost half of where you started.

The next day, the men were having breakfast when Chris Harrison walked into the mansion. They greeted him nicely, but they were nervous. Chris usually meant something crazy was about to happen.

“I hope you’re all having a good morning,” he began. “I stopped by to tell you that Y/N has decided to cancel the cocktail party tonight.”

A few gasps were heard.

“She said she knows what she wants, and she wants to go straight into the rose ceremony,” Chris went on. “So, I’ll see you all there tonight. Good luck, guys.”

With that, he departed. A tense silence hung in the room. The only ones feeling really secure were Richard and Ben because they had roses already. Luke sighed.

“I really needed that time with her tonight,” he said. “I needed to explain myself.”

“We all wanted that time with her,” said Jordan. 

“I know, but I needed to talk about the game,” Luke insisted.

“She saw what happened,” Allen said irritably. “What more did you want to say?”

“I wanted her to understand!” Luke cried. “That’s not who I am!”

“Isn’t it?” Taron interjected. “Then why’d you do it?”

Luke groaned. “You guys don’t understand. This is something between me and Y/N.”

“It’s not though, since it involves Allen,” said Ben.

“Shut up, dude, you weren’t even there,” Luke retorted.

With that, he got up and stormed into his room. They all heard the door slam shut.

That night, you arrived at the mansion and you were ready to face the men. You felt good about your decision to cancel the cocktail party, but you were sure the men were worried, especially those who didn’t have extra time with you on the date. But, you had to focus on your journey.

“Hi, guys,” you said. “Sorry about the cocktail party. I just...I know where my heart is and I need to follow it. I hope you can understand.”

A few of them nodded to you in return, but most of them shifted on their feet. It was time to begin. You picked up the first rose and scanned the group.

“Joe,” you said, and he hurried to you. “Joe, will you accept this rose?”

“I will,” he breathed.

You picked up the next one.

“Rami,” you called, and he approached. “Rami, will you accept this rose?”

“Of course,” he replied.

You picked up another as Rami returned to his spot.

“Gwilym,” you said.

He smiled at you as he walked up.

“Gwilym, will you accept this rose?”

“Always.”

You continued on. You called Taron, Wells, Mike, Kenny, Jared, Jordan, and John Paul Jones. There were two roses left. The remaining men were Allen, Luke, Chad, Eric, and John.

You picked up the next rose.

“Allen,” you called.

He clutched his chest with relief as he walked to you.

“Allen,” you said with a smile. “Will you accept this rose?”

“I will.”

He returned to his place. Chris emerged and stood beside you.

“Y/N, gentlemen,” he said. “This is the final rose tonight.”

Taron: I’m hoping this means Luke is leaving. He’s just...not right in the head. I mean, really, there’s something sort of unhinged about him.

You picked up the last rose and gazed out at the men, heart pounding. You knew who this rose was going to, but you were beginning to doubt yourself. Then you looked at him and felt that gut feeling that there was more to him.

“Luke,” you said.

You noticed a few men close their eyes or shake their heads. You hoped they would understand. Luke walked forward, relief all over his face, and he smiled at you.

“I don’t know what came over you this week,” you said. “But I feel that there’s goodness in you. That’s what I need to see. I hope you use your time here to prove to me who you really are.”

“I will, I promise,” he said.

“Good,” you replied. “Luke, will you accept this rose?”

“Of course, thank you,” he returned.

He pulled you in for a hug and kissed your cheek before returning to his spot. Chris came out again.

“Chad, Eric, John,” he said. “I’m sorry. Take a moment, say your goodbyes.”

Eric finished with the other men first and approached you.

“Good luck, Y/N,” he said. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

“Thank you so much,” you replied. 

You hugged him tightly and whispered goodbye before he left the mansion.

John came over to you next.

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” he said. “But you have a great group of guys here.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” you said. “Thank you, John.”

He gave your hand a gentle squeeze before he too left.

Chad was last and he hugged you before he said anything. As he was pulling away, he stopped to whisper in your ear.

“Be careful with Luke,” he warned you. “Protect your heart, okay?”

“I will,” you said. “Thank you, Chad.”

He pressed his lips swiftly to your cheek and then swept out of the room. You looked around at the remaining men, and a new surge of hope was upon you. Chris got a champagne toast going.

“Y/N, you want to tell them the big news?” he asked.

“Sure,” you replied with a grin. “So, even though you’ve all got roses, you still have to pack your bags.”

You saw their confused glances.

“Because we are leaving this mansion and heading for Asheville, North Carolina!”

They cheered as you toasted. 

“So the next time I see y’all, we’ll be in the Appalachian Mountains,” you said. “Good night, guys! I can’t wait!”

They all wished you goodnight in return as you left. You couldn’t wait to see what Asheville had in store for you and your boyfriends.

[bts-reveries]

mini me | 4

if you’re in the taglist, please read a/n!

mini me

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ part four: buy one get one ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

pairings: artist!taehyung x singlemom!reader

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