#y’all have made it impossible for me to watch 4 minutes because I can’t share it with anyone

[fadelbison]

I think the fact that we had two high profile actors have to take a step back from BL due to mental health issues in the last year alone and total 4 (krist james jimmy and chimon but also saint stepped back to bts and up also went that route before slowly dipping his feet back in) since I’ve gotten into this fandom should be an indicator that company’s need to be doing less not more.

Literally saw a fan complaining yesterday that FIRST KANAPHAN was being unfairly treated because he wasn’t getting enough work 😭😭😭 that man is literally never off my timeline how much more can he even work without dying?

When a company is doing 4 re-runs their teams are likely running on fumes and in a talent/ creator based industry you can’t just scale up endlessly resources are not unlimited. And sorry I took that so goddamn personally but burnout =/= incompetent.

They can’t just hire any fresh grad and expect them to work at the pace that the company needs them to. Even if they have talent they need to be trained and invested in and this has to happen at every level of production. There’s even a show coming out about it right now as we speak. I’m begging people to just open up a map of Thailand and realize just how small a country it is.

I can’t stand twitter because it’s an endless barrage of fans demanding demanding demanding for unreasonable things. Tumblr is my escape from that hustle and grind culture. And somehow we’ve managed to import that here.

I have the ability to mass block if I need to but also does anyone here have the ability to just chill the fuck out for a second. Like we have to be honest with ourselves here: I’m *not* a GMM fangirl you guys are just acting bananas.

[manggaetteokkie]

Okay so I was rewatching the 2020 FESTA (as one does) and for some reason, when I got to the rainy day incident, I felt like I was really seeing the whole incident for what it’s worth for the first time?

Make no mistake, it’s far from my first time rewatching it (that scene in particular, lord knows how many times I repeated it just to watch all their reactions), but I felt like it was the first time I really took the time to understand it.

I mean, think about it: 4-5 years ago, Jimin and Jeongguk had a huge fight that got Jimin angry. So angry in fact, he told Jeongguk something along the lines of “I won’t bother with you anymore”. If you put the fact that it’s just a story about the past aside, their fight was apparently so bad, it got Jimin of all people pissed enough to throw those kind of words out before turning around and leaving. Mad enough to leave and walk home alone despite the rain and, for all we know, he might not even have had an umbrella with him.

So what happens next? Some time during his walk back, Jimin gets a phone call from Jeongguk. And the first thing he says?

“Hyung, I was wrong”

From Jimin’s estimation, the walk between the dorms and the practice rooms takes about 20 mins. That means that after Jimin left, Jeongguk was left alone in the practice rooms to wallow in his thoughts. And apparently, he felt so bad about the fight he couldn’t wait till he got back to the dorms to apologize (he clearly felt bad enough if he’s still thinking about it even 4-5 years after it happened).

No, he had to give Jimin a call less than 20 mins after he left. That’s barely enough time to calm down and think things through? I mean, he clearly hadn’t calmed down if he was still crying when he called. And according to Jimin, Jeongguk cried a shitton that day. We’re talking about the maknae that straight up yeeted the tears out of his eyes during the 2018 MAMA speech. Can you even imagine what must’ve happened?

Moving on, Jimin gets that phone call, hears Jeongguk’s apology and although he’s mad enough to spit out a “I told you not to contact me, right?”, he nonetheless asks Jeongguk where he is. Now here’s the thing that actually made me go “oh shit”...

When asked about his whereabouts, Jeongguk replies with a “I don’t know”.

Excuse me?

What?

Do you understand what that means? The implications?

If not, it’s okay, I’ll spell it out for you: if JK had stayed in the practice rooms, how could he not have known where he was? Even the area near the practice rooms should have been somewhat familiar to him, so how on earth could he not have known where he was? There’s only one answer that I can think of (y’all are welcome to share your thoughts on this): soon after JM left, instead of staying in the practice rooms, JK likely ran after JM, but he got lost instead since he couldn’t have known where JM was headed. So he was literally running around in the rain, trying to find JM only to give up after a few minutes and call instead.

Jin was right, this is definitely straight out of a drama. “Two people have an explosive fight that leads to one of them leaving in a fit of anger. It’s raining. Soon after their departure, the other quickly runs after them, but not knowing where they went, they run around randomly in the hopes of finding them. When they can’t, they can only call.” The script writes itself.

We all know what happens next: JK flags a taxi, gives the driver JM’s location while JM waits for him in the rain. When JK gets off the cab, they have a very dramatic reunion. The end.

Or is it?

I personally have so many feels and questions about the whole situation. What was the fight about? How did it end? I mean, I can just imagine JK, soaked and completely miserable, sitting in that taxi, quietly sniffling as he does his damn best to stop the tears. But the second he sees JM waiting for him under the rain, it’s like a dam breaking. This isn’t even really a far fetched guess given what we’ve seen in the past...

I personally don’t really have any speculations about what the fight was about because 4-5 years ago is vague enough to make it near impossible to narrow it down, not to mention how it’s probably impossible to guess (take vmin mandu incident for example, no one saw that coming).

Please feel free to share your thoughts, I’m curious about what you guys think.

EDIT: just to add onto this, we also need a moment to think about how, despite being mad enough to storm off in the rain, JM was still ready to pick up JK’s call? I really think JM has a soft spot the size of the Milky Way for JK given how it seems like it took him less than one hour to let the whole incident go. I have no idea if he forgave JK right then and there but I mean, if I was really pissed at my friend, I don’t think I would have waited for them in the rain nor would I have hugged them when we met. I’d probs 1) ignore their call, and 2) tell them to leave me alone and go wherever they need to be.

[mariaiscrafting]

can i ask why you dislike dream? im not being passive agressive or something lol i am genuinely curious

S’all good, kinda figured you weren’t being, and a lot of people have asked me this lol. There are so many reasons, and I’ve said this so many times already, but I’ll try to go over some of the main things I can remember:

1) Arrogance: kinda put me off how he’s always responded to criticism. Always kinda had an air of superiority about shit, and it never really bothered me on its own because I think lots of CCs are arrogant & I’m arrogant myself, but combined with all of the following, it became a reason for me to dislike him lol

2) Manipulation of his audience: look, I kinda always knew that CCs with huge fanbases, especially CCs who grow this quickly, have some kind of grasp of how to treat and foster their audience to their greatest advantage. I’ve always been wary of CCs that put on soft or nice personalities, especially since the whole Shane Dawson debacle. But with Dream, it’s been a whole other thing ever since his cheating response video, and I’ve never been able to see him in a good light in regard to how he responds to his fans, ever since. I went into it in a lot more detail back when I first watched the video, the day it dropped, but I’m too exhausted to scrounge that post up, so I’ll summarize: that video had a very specific strategy that he used to victimize himself and appeal to his fans’ compassion for him, and after rewatching the video for the third time that day, it felt gross and calculated to me. The way that he focuses very little on the actual mathematical part of his argument. The way he frames the issue of the mods having favoritism or bias. It was already proven on Reddit and throughout Twitter that the numbers the mods looked at were for good reason, and not because they just wanted to pick the numbers that made Dream look the worst, but that’s how he framed the argument. When I logged onto Twitter and Tumblr that day, there were thousands of fans who had latched onto what he said in the latter half of that video and coming to Dream’s defense, and that’s kinda when it hit me: this guy fucking knows what he’s doing, and he’s doing it well, and I really really dislike it. There’s about a hundred other ways he manipulates his audience, including not coming to people’s defenses when huge chunks of his audience attack them (even though the people had respectful and correct criticisms of him), defending stans so adamantly in the face of antis, and posting periodic alt tweets that help garner the illusion that he super cares about his fans; but, that cheating response video was the major red flag, for me.

3) Cheating & lying: as is likely no surprise to y’all, I think Dream cheated lmao. At first, I was ecstatic that he had actually made a detailed response video and put out a report with the help of an actual professional, but as I read up on his supposed statistical argument and dissected the parts of his argument that felt off to me, I realized maybe he had cheated. Talking to some STEM major friends of mine, who weren’t into MCYT but had obviously heard about the whole debacle because they like Twitter and Minecraft, kinda put the nail in the coffin for me. I’m not nearly smart enough or have a good enough memory to detail exactly why I think he cheated on this blog, right now, in April, but essentially: his main argument relied upon claiming mod bias, instead of a sound mathematical or statistical argument; there’s no way of proving that the world files he provided to the mods and in the open source weren’t altered; the statistical problems he points out (i.e., stopping effect) don’t actually skew the original mods’ model nearly as much as his supposed PhD guy would say; and the odds he comes up with might not be nearly as impossible as 1 in 7 trillion, but they still come up to around 1 in 100 million, which is still fucking ridiculous, considering that there are only, like, 120 million people in the world who play Minecraft.  Not impossible, but laughable that he expects people to believe that. But... I guess they did, lmao. The thing that peeved me the most about the whole thing was the adamant lying lmao. When you look at the situation from the perspective of “dream cheated,” you realize just how fucked up all his Twitter responses, his adamance in streams and that video, and the general mood among his friends is... idk man, it’s just highly fucked.

4) Relationship with stans: look, there are significant numbers of  his fans that take part in Twitter cancelling vendettas, who spread around information about other CCs and their fellow fans that is false and meant to villify them, etc., and he never fucking says anything. It really, really bothers me. There are too many instances to enumerate, but a few that have caught my eye were when Dream stans would attack Techno, prior to their battle and when a Native American woman politely explained why he shouldn’t use Native music, he responded and said he wouldn’t, but tons of stans continued to attack her in her replies for “being so harsh/mean.” Like, he knows that just one word from him will make his fandom follow his beck and call. All it would’ve taken was one fucking word. There are so many fucking people that have been harrassed off of social media platforms because of the hivemind that is dttwt, for christ’s sake.

5) Reddit posts: All of the above were reasons for me to mildly dislike the guy prior to the Reddit posts, but they weren’t really enough to make me stop posting about c!Dream or reblogging fanart or reading DNF fics or watching Manhunts. I kinda just clowned on the guy, answered the occasional ask about the cheating thing or something related, and left it at that. The Reddit posts not only pissed me off for their content, but for the lying, as well. Do you think I fucking cared about him cheating at speedrunning Minecraft, of all games? Fuck no. What I cared about was the adamant lying that went into the whole debacle. Kinda the same with the Reddit posts. I’m one to usually forgive creators who acknowledge past errors, obviously. It is creators who try to brush stuff off, or even worse, create an elaborate lie to cover up allegations, that put me off a fuck ton. This is the reason I could never be comfortable with watching Pewdipie after I realized all the shit he had brushed off, and it’s now the reason I can’t go back to watching Dream. There is so much evidence that points to guilt, including but not limited to: his first move when the slideshow dropped (before posting to Twitter) being deleting as many old Discord messages as he could, the contradiction between him at first denying the account was his at all then changing the story to say he shared it with a friend, the wording and phrasing in the political posts being almost identical to the non-political posts that were clearly him (i.e., the one that explains his demographics perfectly), and the timing of the political posts (some of them being posted mere minutes after posts that were verifiably him, like the picture of Patches to the cats subreddit). People can claim that he’s likely changed, and what this it matter, as long as politics don’t affect his work now, but I can’t believe this fundamental misunderstanding of why bigotry in entertainment matters. I’ve always had a problem with the adoration this fandom has for cishet white men, and the constant criticism of non-cishet, non-white, non-men, but this really feels like the final slap in the fucking face. It’s like everyone truly believes that it doesn’t matter, that his beliefs couldn’t have possibly affected the way he’s treated fellow CCs in his circles or any of the number of people that depend upon Dream, directly and indirectly, for employment/CC clout. It’s like everyone truly believes that political ideology has no effect on the way we perceive, treat, and behave around other people in literally any field, not just politics. I, just... Christ. I don’t really wanna unpack my emotions about this whole thing right now, so I won’t. I’ll just say: I dislike Trump supporters and ex-Trump supporters alike, I dislike conservatives who claim they’re centrists (every fucking guy my age does this, it’s infuriating and makes me want to bash my head into the nearest wall), I dislike people who levy their fans against criticism - even when it’s righteous - and I dislike people who lie about their past actions; Dream fits all those categories, so I dislike him.

[frenchlangdon]

You are everything I wanted

(This is part 4 to everything i wanted)

A/n: hiiiii sorry it’s been a long time since I last posted I went back to work a few weeks ago and had to pull doubles back to back. I hope you won’t hate me for this... I hope y’all enjoy!

Find part 3 here

————-

You had a few meetups with Michael since he first came back. You would talk for hours, getting to know one another. You had told him what it was like in the eighties, how you died, how you and Xavier had met. And he told you about his mother, how she was a ghost and also his ”father” who had rejected him. He told you about his Ms. Mead, he loved and adored her so much. Everytime he would tear up you’d hug him tightly. You couldn’t bear to see him so hurt. Each and every time he came to see you he grew more and more attached to you. You were his new obsession.

He was keen on getting you out of this camp and you wanted to leave with him but you just couldn’t. You couldn’t leave Xavier. You loved him, you couldn’t just leave him here. The thought crossed your mind about convincing Michael to bring Xavier sling but you didn’t know if he would or not, you were too scared to bring it up. This whole idea of escaping this treacherous place was absolute nonsense to you, because deep down you knew it would never work. But there was a part of you who loved to fantasize about it.

“Michael…”

You both sat on the ground in the woods, your usual spot. You kept this a secret, never telling Xavier. You felt like he would explode, or perhaps never forgive you for it. Of course he would be upset, you’re meeting another guy behind his back.

“Yes?” He smiled at you and caressed your cheek, his eyes fixated on you.

“I really want to go with you…”

He grinned widely at your words, he rested his forehead against yours, feeling almost relieved. “You won’t regret this, my love. I swear to you.” He pulled away slightly, “Come rule the world with me. I’ll worship the ground you walk on.” His voice was so seductive, he could’ve persuaded you to do anything his heart desired. In the short time he knew you, he fell hard for you. His eyes lit up as soon as they landed on you.

“But I can’t. I can’t leave Xavier.”

There it was. His heart had dropped into his stomach and shattered into pieces. He should have known you wouldn’t do it. He should have known he wasn’t enough. He thought maybe this time things would work out for him. Maybe he could have had one thing that made him happy actually last.

“What’s going on in your mind, Michael?” You watched him pull away. His eyes were glossy, his hands began to shake. “Michael, I’m sorry. I just can’t leave Xa-.”

“I’m not enough. I’m never enough.” He stared up at you as a tear ran down his face. Your heart broke at the sight of him. “Why can’t I be enough for you?”

You hadn’t seen him like this in your weeks of hanging out and getting to know one another

“Stop saying that.” You let out a sigh as you cupped his cheek, your thumb wiping away a tear slowly cascading down his face. He closed his eyes as he reveled in the feeling of your soft touch. His hand kept yours in place. “Please come with me. You don’t need him. Not anymore, I’m here.” He begged you. The soft whisper of his voice hurt you. You did want to go, you wanted nothing more than to walk off campgrounds. But how could you do it? Easier said than done, so you thought. “Michael, I love him. I won’t leave him.”

“Do you love me?”

“What the fuck is going on?” You hear a voice from behind you. You get up from the ground and turn around to face Xavier. His eyes narrowed at Michael, who slowly got up and kept his eyes on Xavier. “Have you been cheating on me… with him?” Xavier’s voice faltered at just the thought of it. “She’s leaving you.” Michael stated. “To be with me.” Michael smirked as he looked down at you. You were closer to Michael than you were to Xavier. You just stared at Michael, you were confused on how he was this sad puppy dog just a minute ago with you and now here he is an alpha in front of Xavier. “Are you brain dead?” Xavier scoffed, “Y/n what the hell is going on?”

“He’s offered to take me away. To be with him, he says he can get me out of here.”

“Babe, that’s impossible. You know that. We can’t leave.”

“I can do it. I can prove it to you.” Michael kept his eyes trained on you.

“I’m here to do for you what your boyfriend couldn’t.” He looked to Xavier who was staring the two of you down. Michael was hitting his weak spot and he knew it. “I can give you a long, happy, and prosperous life. If you take my hand we can walk out, we can do it… together.”

Your eyes watch Xavier who looks betrayed. “I just got you back.” Xavier muttered, tears started to well up in his eyes and started to fall. One tear after another. “We just got back together after years of anger and resentment. You’ve finally forgiven me and now you want to run off with this creepy kid. No! You can’t even leave. You tried for decades to find some way out, and it never worked.”

Michael let out a deep growl. He grabbed your hand and dragged you through the woods. “I’m sick of your doubts. When I say I can do something, that means I can!” He exclaimed. Xavier ran after you. You tried pulling away from Michael as you got closer to the camp entrance. “Stop! Michael stop!” You yelled as you hit his arm repeatedly yet he ignored your pleas.

‘The moment of truth’ you had thought, you were just a few steps away from the entrance. “Michael, please. It won’t work.” You cried out. But he passed through the entrance with ease, his hand in yours.

There you stood, on the other side. Looking at the ground, then looking up at Michael in shock, you let go of Michael‘s hand. “I told you.” Michael smirked as he crossed his arms. You couldn’t believe it. You were out, you were no longer trapped inside the camp. You turned to see Xavier, staring blankly at you. Your eyes snap back to Michael‘s who was grinning widely. “How did you-” You cut yourself off as your mind tried understanding what just happened.

“I’m powerful, darling. But you already knew that.” Michael smirked and leaned closer to you. “I can’t leave Michael.” You frowned upon at him. You look over your shoulder to Xavier who looks just as shocked as you do.

“You still choose him over me?!” He yelled.

“Michael I-”

“I just gave you your life back because I love you. Because I want to be with you. I want to give you the world. And yet you choose a dead man over me. You are everything I ever wanted.” His voice softened as he tried repressing the jealousy bubbling inside of him. “If I go, he goes. I won’t leave with you if he can’t leave this god forsaken camp.”

“What if I don’t want to leave Y/n? What if I want to stay here? To be young forever?” Xavier put his hands on his hips as he stared at you. “You are the most stubborn man I’ve ever met. Oh my god!” You exclaimed. Panic began to rise in your chest, everything was very much real and it was all unfolding very fast. Too fast for your liking.

“Can you give me one second Michael.”

He nodded and you walked over to Xavier, “Please come with me. I want to be with you. Outside of this hell that we’ve been trapped in. Let’s live the life we were supposed to live.” You grabbed both of his hands and held them tightly. “We can’t live like nothing ever happened and it’s not like it would just be me and you. I’m not sharing you, especially not with him. You’re mine and only mine.” he paused for a moment before lowering his voice, “There’s something wrong with him. He’s like the devil or some shit. Don’t go with him. Don’t do it. Stay here with me. We just mended things. Let’s keep to ourselves and be happy together.” He smiled softly at you, he could see you were contemplating on whether you should stay. Did you really want to go? Things have changed, the world has changed. Things work differently now. You thought to yourself about having to adapt to everything. Would you even fit in with the young people of today? Maybe this isn’t what you wanted. Now that you have a chance to finally escape this hell hole you don’t want to leave.

But before you could get a word out, you watched in terror as the man you loved got engulfed by flames. He disintegrated into nothing within an instant. You felt the heat against your skin, the horror ran through your veins. You screamed in agony as you fell to your knees. “Well a deal is a deal, my love.” He said behind you. Tears streamed down your face as your eyes focused on the pile of ash in front of you. He couldn’t truly be gone. He would come back, because that’s what happens when you die here. You come back. You always come back. “Xavier!” You screamed. You got back up and scanned the surrounding area for him, waiting for him to appear. But he didn’t. Michael came up behind you and brushed your hair out of the way, causing your body to stiffen. “He’s gone, my love.”

He kissed your neck as you stood there frozen, your whole world had come crashing down. “He can’t be…”

“You said if you go, he goes. Well, he’s gone.”

“No! No…” You cried out. He wasn’t coming back this time. “Now let’s go my beloved.” He kissed your forehead.

You had indeed made a deal with the devil.

—-

Tags: @xscarlett-rosex | @hoeposey

[felassanis]

Everything I love about Assassin’s Creed

1. Ezio da la la la

2. If you idle for long enough in Odyssey Ikaros comes and lands on Alexios’s/Kassandra’s arm and then alexios/Kassandra will greet him.

3. Edward’s outfit is by far my favourite Assassin robe. It looks so fooking cool.

4. Alkibiades

5. The first mission in Assassin’s Creed III. Finding the temple and it coming alive with all the lights and the humming was so fucking cool and the theatre with Haytham was such a good way to start the game, I loved the environment that went with the theatre and the parkour was really good too, everything was good even though I had no idea why we were there in the first place lol.

6. SHAUN HASTINGS

7. Edward’s tattoos being the only reason why I go whaling in AC:Black flag

8. The dynamic between Jacob and Evie, I’ve always wanted a twin duo in a game and Jacob and Evie Frye were awesome and y’all keep sleeping on them.

9. The different colour schemes in Assassin’s Creed 2 for the different cities gave the locations their own feel and vibe and it differentiated them from each other while also ensuring that the landscapes were utterly gorgeous. For example, Venice had cooler colours, very blue and silver while Florence was warmer, with more orange and brown thrown into the mix. It really gave those maps their own identity and it was great.

10. All of Lineage. all of it, it was flipping fantastic and I know it’s not a game but it was brilliant and the other Assassin’s Creed movie will never top it despite Michael Fasbender being in it.

11. That cutscene in Black Flag where Blackbeard lights his beard on fire, I love that historical accuracy because it was very likely true and it’s so SO bad-fucking-ass

12. Alkibiades

13. How quickly I fell in love with Frederico Auditore despite the fella only having about 5 lines.

14. Also just how quickly I came to love the Auditore family, that was how well written they were, that I fell in love after 30 minutes with them. 

15. LEONARDO DA VINCI

16. Desmond Miles’s snark.

17. ‘Hey whatta matta with you altair,’

18. SHAUN HASTINGS

19. How buffy Kassandra is

20. The hookblade was actually amazing in Revelations and I’m in full support that it shouldbe brought back. The noise it made was also oddly satisfying too?

21. The Glyphs in AC2 were spooky and ominous and I refused to do the last mission until I had found all of them and uncovered the Truth. Because that entire side quest was full of anticipation and the creepy vibe the Glyphs gave off and how the footage of Adam and Eve was cut up and glitchy was just really interesting and it peaked with a climax.

22. LEONARDO DA VINCI

23. The golden beads in Alexios’s hair.

24. And Alexios just being an overall gorgeous human being who’s face was chiselled by the gods.

25. The flying machine mission in AC2 while really aggravating if you didn’t do it the first time was also really fun and getting to see Leonardo all giddy and happy made it worth it.

26. I don’t know if it’s just me? but Connor’s hair? like I know for a fact that I like men with long hair but something about his hair and the feather intertwined into it was just really appealing? and while I know why Connor shaved his hair I couldn’t help but screech when he did lmao but that’s because it’s obviously not my tradition and it’s abnormal to me. pfft

27. Revelations is one of the best AC games and I’ll fight anyone on this. It was phenomenal given how it finally concluded Ezio’s story (and remember Ezio was the face of the franchise for years and he was fan favourite and still is so there were some pressure and expectations) and how it also concluded Altair’s story.

28. Altair wasn’t that interesting in the original game but Revelations added depth and layers to his characters and made him way more intriguing. The game also gave this character important significance to the lore and I think that’s the perfect way to honour the guy who started it all. As much as we love Ezio, Altair came before and without him, Assassin’s Creed wouldn’t quite be the way it was today. (although it’s up to you if that’s a bad thing or not lmao)

29. And seeing Ezio old and matured, becoming this wise legend of a man was really cool and getting to play as him in his final journey was both heartbreaking but satisfactory.

30. I have to give a massive applause to Ubisoft for making Leonardo gay as well in Brotherhood prominently. I don’t think it was ever proven historically if he was? but it was rumoured? and yet Ubisoft went and made it canon giving that representation while also having Ezio outright say he’s okay with Leonardo dating men?! Like, in that time period if you were gay you could go to prison and the general view of homosexuality was that of disgust and yet Ezio is just here supporting his best friend? hell yes.

31. ALKIBIADES

32. I have certain feelings with Unity, but I won’t lie that the parkour was spot on in that game.

33. Gideon Emery....just Gideon Emery as Reginald Birch. The character’s a massive prick but god...that voice.

34. Connor mentioning his grandfather Edward as he’s sailing the Aquila.

35. Getting to see the wreck of the Jackdaw in Assassin’s Creed Freedom Cry was gut-wrenching.

36. Finally getting to pet animals in ACIII.

37. Finally getting to feed pigs in a video game ^^

38. SHAUN HASTINGS

39. OKay, I like Shaun because the guy is really entertaining and he’s British like me and I need to see this fucker in future games again...because after Syndicate he just vanishes and we got...Fucking Layla ugh.

40. The Naval combat in Black Flag is unmatched, fighting other ships never felt like a chore and it was fun and thrilling and the rewards felt deserving. And the feeling of taking down your first Man’o War is RIVETING.

41. Rebecca calling the Animus ‘Baby’

42. She’s another character I want to see come back. And she and Shaun better come back and be alive.

43. Lucy being a Templar was a plot twist I never saw coming but I was all for that angst especially when it seemed like they were setting up what I thought was the inevitable Desmond x Lucy romance. But I guessed wrong.

44. Yusuf Tazim being the joy and light of Revelations. fuck you Ubisoft

45. Ezio’s family theme song is the most iconic video game songs ever.

46. The introduction of Alkibiades in Odyssey, what a great way to introduce a character. like seriously, I fell in love with that fucker the moment he started speaking and felt up Kassandra’s arms while being half naked and wasted.

47. Bayek being a breath of fresh air in wonderfully written complex characters whose story was powerful and tragic. He needs a sequel.

48. Assassins Creed Brotherhood’s trailer being iconic.

49. When returning to Florence to retrieve the apple and you bring Ezio back to his old home only to see the ghosts of his entire family waiting for him. I was gobsmacked when that happened and it’s such a beautiful detail.

50. Mary Read/James Kidd being one of the best characters in Black Flag and leader in the ‘did not deserve it’ club. Every minute of her was flipping terrific and her significance in Edward’s story as one of the driving points that turned him into a better man was great.

51. I cried at the end of Black Flag.

52. The little text about Shaun sobbing when you look at the database on Desmond the dog in Syndicate.

53. The lip scar being shared between Desmond, Ezio and Altair was a cool detail.

54. The interchangeable cloaks in ACII.

55. Henry Green was so soft, kind and lovely and I honestly adore him.

56. Cane swords in Syndicate WERE AWESOME

57. NO fall damage in Odyssey. Keep this feature I don’t care how impossible it is for me to survive a jump off of a giant statue of a naked god it’s cool and I want it for every other game about to be released.

58. If you walk through grass in Origins Bayek sticks his hand out like that scene in Gladiator.

59. The scene in ACII Where Ezio uncovers his father’s robes from the chest and holds it up, It’s an incredible scene and the music fits so well with it and if you’ve watched Lineage it’s all the more amazing.

60. Rosa being pretty and terrifying in ACII.

61. The Bleeding effect being that other thing in lore that is SO BLOODY INTRIGUING and I wish it was explored a bit more. Can you actually imagine having the bleeding effect? where you can’t tell the past and the present apart? where you see ghosts from the past and hear voices no one else hears? jesus,..

62. getting answers about Clay/Subject 16. Ever since he left that writing in the wall with his own blood I was hooked on his story and thank god we got answers and a face to the legendary name. I wouldn’t mind more of him though.

63. I’ve always been fascinated with Native Americans and finally getting to explore them a bit more in ACIII proved to be interesting and I hope it was satisfactory representation for Native Americans.

64. finally getting to play in the present day in assassin’s creed brotherhood and 3, like actually getting to run around and explore as Desmond.

(I did a post like this on my old blog and I’ve rewrote them on here but I also got some new things, I just like having a post like this on my blog and I like seeing people who also agree with these brilliant features in this franchise, you can pretty much tell which two games are my favourite lol, Black Flag and 2 will always have a special place in my heart,)

[drlauralwalsh]

Top 7 Recent Obsessions and 3 Freshly Intolerable Topics

Since my wife died in February, I’ve transformed into an obsessive recluse.  I’ve always been a weirdo but now I’m a grieving weirdo.  It takes eccentricity to a whole other level.  Before, my obsessions were psychology and home improvement projects.  Now, work is impossible and I break down trying to choose flowers at the local Home Depot.  Removing every last dandelion from the yard is my glorious new passion.

Since I trust you, I’m going to tell you about some of the other strange occupiers of my mind.  Like squatters, these topics have moved into my brain to fill up the unused rooms.  I vacillate between kicking them out and kinda liking the company.  Until new obsessions come along, I’ll play reluctant host to this ragtag collection of ideas.  

1. Life After Life

It’s natural to wonder what happens to someone after they die.  I’ve been doing some light reading (usually at around 3AM) on what psychic mediums think on the subject.  Apparently, we continue life on the other side, often recreating the likeness of our earthly homes and possessions out of familiarity.  In my wife’s afterlife, I hope she made some improvements.  She’s likely finally found the perfect couch (comfy yet stylish!) and is no longer taunted by the daily dog hair tumbleweeds.

I have a few questions.  Does my wife get to meet celebrities? She’d be totally psyched to meet Dolores O’Riordan, the lead singer of The Cranberries, who died in January of 2018.  Did she get to watch the last season of Homeland that aired after she died?  Can she still water a lawn in contemplative meditation?  Most likely, she’s cavorting with her first girlfriend, Suzy.  I’m told Suzy was a little crazy in her earth life so I hope she’s not a bad influence.

If I end up living a few more decades, I’ll probably grow and change substantially.  Will Patty recognize me when I finally make the trip? Will she and I still be soulmates or will I have to share her?  Like, did Suzy claim my wife as her soulmate?  I don’t wish anyone loneliness in the after life but dang, I’ve got dibs.

2. Cookie Butter Therapy

If you’ve read my self care tips, you know I’ve found cookie butter solace.  Listening to my body’s unique nutrient requirements, I heed the call for that smooth comfort.  As a psychologist, it used to bug me when I’d see memes like, “I don’t need therapy, I’ve got wine!”  Occasionally speaking aloud, I’d reply, “Hello future client!”

Now, I’m not so sure that retail, alcohol or food therapy is all that bad.  I mean, it IS bad in that it doesn’t solve the problem and could turn into something worse.  But if keeping your head above water saves your life, perhaps I should reconsider these stopgap measures.  Personally, I’m planning a future half marathon to combat the future cookie butter problem.  And by planning, I mean it’s on my list to look up neighborhood jogging routes.

3. Signs from Beyond the Veil

After my Dad died in 2002, I looked for evidence that his energy was still around.  Losing a spouse takes it to a completely new desperation.  Again, according to psychic mediums, we can ask our departed loved ones for specific signs and they will try to send them to us.  Oh the pressure!  Being an overachiever, of course I wanted to come up with the perfect sign to request from my wife.  One that hits just the right balance of inside joke and everlasting love.

To get the ball rolling, I picked the first thing that came to mind.  I asked my wife to send me a maroon Nissan Rogue SUV.  Weird, I know - but also the perfect symbol of our family.  I’m not that great at these requests just yet so I hope she knows I’m asking to see one, not get one as a gift.  Years ago, she borrowed my maroon Nissan for a road trip with two little boys who would become my step kids.  Having not yet met, questions about the car’s owner became a convenient way to talk about Mama’s new sweetheart.  

I started seeing this car EVERYWHERE.  There’s this one little problem, though.  Have you ever heard of confirmation bias?  Psychology Today says, “Confirmation bias occurs from the direct influence of desire on beliefs. “  Basically, I started seeing the car because I wanted the sign from her.  The overly enthusiastic part of my brain said, “Yeah, but wouldn’t she also FLOOD the world with whatever sign you requested????”  Next time, I’ll ask for money.

4. Meditation

After all the grief festivities were done (i.e. initial horror and subsequent wake and funeral), one of my besties recommended the book, Proof of Heaven by Dr. Eben Alexander.  The author is a smarty-pants neurosurgeon who had a near death experience.  He woke up out of a coma, wrote everything down, and set about trying to disprove the platitudes he once touted to patients.  Anyway, a fascinating book and GREAT for the active griever in your life.

Veering from his conventional colleagues, Dr. Alexander’s career diverged towards the path less taken.  He’s now involved in projects with the founders of Sacred Acoustics, a brainwave entrainment audio recordings company.  That’s a fancy way of saying guided meditations with binaural beats that create experiences.  There’s one that facilitates “communication with spirits across the veil.” Since I’m obsessed with getting back with my wife without leaving my kids and dogs, I became a convert. 

Before Patty died (AKA BPD), I was known to dabble in mindfulness and may have claimed I meditated for longer and more often than I actually remembered to do.  Don’t judge me, I was a busy mom!  With a renewed desperation and time on my hands, I gave these wacky meditations a go.  OMG, y’all they are amazing.  I dare say I’ve done a little cavorting with my wife (at least in my mind).  Seriously, between ADHD and grief brain, I can still knock out a 38 minute ‘Love Body’ meditation, no sweat.  In the least, it’s a crutch over the rough spots.

5. Crafty Crystal Suncatchers

I haven’t gone off the deep end (yet) and meditated while balancing my chakras (okay, maybe once) with family heirlooms.  If you read more than one book about the afterlife, you’ll pick up on themes.  Psychics love auras, butterflies, and RAINBOWS.  Since I’ve got time, I figured it wasn’t hard to put together my own suncatcher.  You can certainly purchase these dandies but I prefer my own extremely amateur creations - especially since I need one for every window.  Not sure what to do with these colorful messages from beyond but they are a comfort of sorts.

You may have gathered that I wasn’t previously into the paranormal.  For instance, I knew that smudging was a thing but now, thanks to Etsy, I have my own kit.  Same with healing crystals.  As a child from a family of geologists, semi-precious gems, variegated rocks and hefty quartz crystals already held a special awe.  I must note that my grandfather never mentioned crystal suncatchers as a method for communicating with the dead.  It’s all me who’s hoping for yet another channel where, through refracted sunlight, my wife asserts her presence.

6. Documentaries About Death

It’s a widow habit to categorize life events as ‘before’ and ‘after,’  We use these terms with a wistful air of melancholy apology.  We didn’t create these terms but they’re used as handy shortcuts before launching into yet another story about our dead spouses.  This next tidbit is about me, though.

I love documentaries but before, I’d skip over the downers.  Who wants to watch a flick about eroding habitats when your lawn looks so good?  Times change and now after, I’ve completely confused Amazon’s algorithms with my new entertainment searches.  I find comfort in tragedy.

I recently watched The Bridge, a documentary on the world’s most dangerous suicide locale - the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.  Since it was built, upwards of 1,700 souls have leapt to their nearly assured demise.  The doc profiles the families of people actually caught on film at the moment of decision.  Should sound awful, right?  To me, it’s soothing.  Not the suicides, but hearing the family process the death.  They’re in the soup with me.  Their stories make me feel normal.

7. Unique Grave Decorations

I’m only sharing this with you because I know you’ll understand.  I threw this one in the mix because I had a brief, but intense love affair with unusual grave decorations.   Did you know you can get “grave blankets” to keep your loved one warm?  Obviously more popular in northern climes, they're actually giant wreaths of evergreen branches to cover the gravesite.  Sadly, they aren’t allowed in my wife's cemetery or I’d be all over it.  She was always cold…..before.

Switching gears, turning towards the following topics is a sort of exposure therapy.  They each flutter at the windows of my mind and blot out the light (which I need for rainbows).  I might as well add them to the growing list of crap I have to deal with eventually.  Just so you know, I’m not weird enough to literally keep a list (yet).

1. Birthdays, Holidays, and Other Horrible Occasions

I know they’re coming.  I limped through some already.  May holds the double whammy of Mother’s Day and my birthday.  Despite the embarrassing lack of evergreen splendor, we’ll visit her gravesite where I’ve already smuggled in other decorative contraband.  Since I buy presents for myself all the time, for my birthday, I generally request a tasteful yet classic homemade card.  I’ll get through the anticipatory dread and trudge through the sewage of my lowered expectations.  It’s only another 24 hours to get through.

2. Getting Married Again

I can’t even think about what’s next.  Or rather who.  When I do think about it, I feel sorry for the sad sap who’s attracted to the runner up spot. Here’s the thing, I think about getting married again ALL THE TIME.  My fantasy only went as far as imagining waking up in a fully formed relationship.  Because I loved being married to my wife, it seemed reasonable to want our life reinstated.  As the days turn into months, finding someone new continues to stubbornly insert itself from outside my head.  I blame Patty.  She always insisted if she died first, she’d want me to remarry.  Less charitably, I countered that if I died first, she could never remarry because I’m her one true love.  She apparently wants the last word.

To be fair, I am only 45 years old.  When my stepson asked, I told him I was going to marry the dogs.  He just doesn’t want me to change my last name, so on that we’re cool.  Like passing me a note, Patty’s best friend from high school also delicately floated the idea.  Even my brother-in-law said he wouldn’t want me to pass up something special.  They all want me to be happy.  I don’t want to want to get married again.  It feels like forcing myself into a loveless, arranged marriage.  With my luck, I’ll live another forty years.  Maybe I’ll feel differently if my wife sends me a convincing sign.  

3. The Next Death

The completely self absorbed grieving person I’ve become can’t even think about the next shitburger tragedy that’s surely on its way..  You’d think I’d have a guess who it might be but you’re wrong.  I never would have put my wife on the shortlist but here we are.  With new obsessions hoarding space in my grieving mind, it’s too crowded to handle another disaster.  So I just don’t think about it.

If you’re grieving too, I want you to know you’re not a weirdo.  Or at least you’re a weirdo like all of us - another broken toy tossed onto Bereavement Island (like Fantasy Island but more sad).  I was never particularly interested in psychics, grave ornaments or dead people (beyond famous authors).  Grief turns you inside out until you no longer recognize the person you were before.  It wasn’t so easy to tip me over and I certainly didn’t cry in public.  Falling into grief is similar to falling in love.  With both, I lost my appetite, deeply felt things I’d never felt before, and became completely obsessed.  In the end, grief is just another stage of love.  An unfortunate byproduct of the grandest home improvement project.  I’m comforted to realize that even as I’m swept up by transient passions, I’m essentially the same loving partner at my core.

[artificialqueens]

as the stars align 4/? (branjie) - rujubees

A/N: hollywood enemies to lovers au; 4.2k - also on ao3

Vanessa was having a crisis. She was in a situation so dire, there was nothing to do but call on her two right-hand women for advice. Thankfully, A’keria and Silky were receptive to her SOS signal and arrived at her apartment within ten minutes, alcohol in clutch per Vanessa’s request.

“What’s the tea, Christine?” Silky asked as Vanessa led them to the kitchen. She then made fearful eye contact with A’keria as their friend began downing a series of shots.

Suddenly, Vanessa began to cry.

“Oh no, shhh, it’s okay,” Silky spoke softly as she stood up behind Vanessa’s stool to comfort her.

“I — is it Riley? Is he okay?” A’keria guessed. Seemingly hearing his name, Vanessa’s dog bounced into the kitchen and began licking at the woman who’d just asked after him. Even Vanessa had to let out a chuckle at that.

“No, God no, he’s fine,” Vanessa replied, scooping up Riley up for a cuddle, before letting him go once she realised she’d gotten his fur wet.

“Is it Matt? Did y’all break up?” A’keria tried again, reaching across the bar to take Vanessa’s hand in her own.

“It’s not about him — well, it kind of is,” Vanessa managed to choke out between sobs. Silky and A’keria simply waited for her to continue.

“I’m sorry guys, I’m a big girl, I’ll stop.” Vanessa wiped away her tears, streaking the makeup that she hadn’t been able to bring herself to remove after that afternoon’s shoot.

She then let out a deep breath.

“It’s… Brooke.”

“Is she giving you shit again? Because I won’t hesitate to cut that skinny bitch, you just say the word Vanj,” Silky said protectively.

“It’s not that, I just… I think I might like her,” Vanessa revealed timidly, preparing for a storm. A’keria’s brows shot up and Silky’s jaw dropped slightly, but they certainly weren’t as gobsmacked as Vanessa had been expecting them to be when she told them.

“You mean…” A’keria trailed off.

“Yeah. Go on, tell me what a masochist I am.”

“I’m not judging, girl, I get it. It’s not all that surprising really,” A’keria shrugged.

“What? I just told you that I like the woman who up until today, I hated,” Vanessa hit back, confused, trying to emphasise the ‘hate’ part as much as she could.

“Yeah, exactly, you’ve been obsessed, V, you know it’s true. She’s practically all you’ve talked about for weeks.”

Vanessa swallowed guiltily, unable to argue with that.

“Kiki’s right. But why the change of heart?” Silky wondered.

It took Vanessa a strength she didn’t know she had to stop herself from crying again.

“I don’t know, I just — today she was acting like she wanted nothing to do with me, and it fucking hurt more than any of the mean shit she’s thrown my way. And when I called her out on it, she actually apologised and she was so frickin’ soft and I realised that that’s the Brooke I wanna know all the time. And then later in her dressing room, we almost kissed— ”

“Hold up hoe, you kissed?!” Silky yelled.

“No! But I went to her dressing room to practice, and we were so close, I swear my pulse has never been that quick. If it weren’t for fuckin’ Scyvie— ”

“Who the fuck is Scyvie?” A’keria interrupted.

“Doesn’t matter. Point is I really like her and I dunno what the hell I’m gonna do. I have to kiss her tomorrow!”

A’keria sighed before looking to Silky, who gave her a small nod, leaving Vanessa bewildered.

“I think you should break up with Matt, Vanessa,” A’keria said gently, giving Vanessa’s hand a squeeze. “If you really have feelings for Brooke, it’s not fair for you to lead him on. Think about it. You almost cheated on him today.”

“I wouldn’t do that. It was just to practice,” Vanessa defended herself as fresh tears began to fall.

“Was it really?” Silky questioned, her voice without accusation despite the context.

“I’m not breaking up with Matt. Brooke doesn’t want me, okay? She hates me and she’s probably straight and I don’t wanna be her stupid girlfriend anyway, it’s just a dumb crush. I’ll get over it. And I love Matt.” Vanessa stood up, her stool screeching the tiles, and returning the empty glasses to the sink, indicating that the conversation was over.

“Whatever you do, we’re here for you, V,” spoke A’keria. Vanessa just gave a small smile in response. She didn’t know what she’d do without her Dreamgirls.

—

Vanessa didn’t get the chance to speak with Brooke in hair and makeup the next morning, a fact that she wasn’t sure whether she was grateful for or saddened by. There were a lot of characters involved in Friday’s shoot, and so Scarlet, Plastique and some of the other actors were brought into the leads’ beauty trailer to utilise the space. For once, the place was buzzing with noise, and although it was unlike her, Vanessa let herself tune out of the conversation, knowing that she needed to mentally prepare herself for the day ahead.

When they arrived on set, Vanessa swallowed her pride and approached Brooke Lynn, wanting to clear the air before their big scene.

“I’m sorry about yesterday. If I made you uncomfortable,” Vanessa said stiffly.

“Oh, no. It’s fine, you didn’t,” Brooke assured her.

“I just wanna make the movie perfect.” It wasn’t a complete lie; Vanessa did care about the scene turning out well. Brooke nodded understandingly.

Vanessa chuckled shyly, filling the air, desperately trying to think of ways to keep their conversation going until they had to film. She couldn’t handle anymore tense silences between them.

“It’s just like, when straight actresses kiss and sometimes it looks really forced, y’know? And this movie is gonna be all big for LGBT rep and stuff— ”

“I get it,” Brooke barked. Vanessa smiled painfully, feeling as awkward as the same-sex kisses she had watched on screen growing up, and wishing she could figure out a way to quit pissing her co-star off again.

“Ladies, we start shooting scene twenty-seven in ten, so get in any last minute rehearsals now,” Michelle called from her directors’ chair.

Brooke walked off, saying she was going to use the toilet, but Vanessa was pretty sure that was an excuse, that in reality, she just couldn’t stand to look at Vanessa a moment longer. Hearing the own thoughts she was having now that she had started to like Brooke only made her want to go back to hating the other woman — she was becoming paranoid and over-analytical about something as ridiculous as Brooke using the damn toilet. She just wanted to push her feelings down, but it was pretty hard when Brooke was with her everyday, right there in front of her.

And she looked like that.

Vanessa wasn’t left alone for long as it was then that Scarlet and Plastique appeared, buzzing with excitement, also preparing themselves for their roles in the upcoming scene.

“Ready for your big moment, sis?” Plastique asked. Vanessa groaned.

“Ugh, no, y’all are hyping it up way too much and it’s probably gonna suck.”

“That’s impossible, you’re both way too talented for that. Don’t stress, it’ll be fine,” Scarlet said, giving her a pat.

The scene was a pivotal one; not only was it the first kiss between Brooke and Vanessa’s characters, it was also the scene where Emilia, Vanessa’s role, confesses her feelings to Brooke’s character, Jade, before she goes off on a space mission. Vanessa really hoped she could put her own feelings for Brooke to the side and get it right.

“Okay, places, please,” Michelle requested, and people on set began shuffling into position. Everyone was there, and would be watching; Michelle, Asia, the rest of the cast and crew, even the hair and makeup artists in case any touch ups became necessary. It was pretty intimidating, Vanessa had to admit — she had never shared an onscreen kiss beyond brief pecks as a supporting role in various medical dramas. When she spotted Katya, the blonde woman gave her a quick thumbs up; Vanessa had grown to like her and her quirkiness.

Brooke took her spot opposite Vanessa, and the first part of the scene, which involved a meeting between all of the astronauts, went off without a hitch.

“Okay, cut. That was great, you guys,” Michelle praised them, clearly happy to have completed it in just a couple of takes. “Brooke and Vanessa, you ready?”

They both nodded succinctly. Vanessa began to feel her hands clam up.

“Okay, action.”

“Jade, hold up,” Vanessa started as Brooke’s character walked out the meeting room.

“Em? What’s wrong?” Brooke asked, stopping in her tracks.

“Can we talk? Sit with me. Please.” Vanessa said, gripping Brooke’s hand lightly and pulling them both towards chairs.

“I just… I’m so happy for you. Tomorrow, you’ll be worlds away. Literally,” Vanessa continued. “Are you excited?”

“Yeah,” Brooke replied, her eyes sparkling. “It’s all I’ve dreamed of, ever since I was a little girl asking too many questions in physics class.” She took a deep breath. “I can’t wait to see the stars. To really see them.”

The two of them sat as a comfortable silence formed between their two characters.

“Was there anything else?” Brooke’s character asked sadly, like she wanted to say so much more.

“I just… I feel like it’s been so long. I miss my friend.” Vanessa answered.

“I miss you too. I’ll keeping missing you,” Brooke replied.

“Then don’t go.”

Brooke paused.

“What?”

“Stay here. Stay with me. Brooke, I—”

“Cut!” Michelle shouted. “Vanessa, as much as I’m sure Brooke would gladly accept the invitation to stay with you, right now you’re talking to Jade,” she reminded her, earning a few chuckles from a number of people on set. Vanessa knew Michelle was just trying to inject some humour into the day, but felt her cheeks heat up nonetheless.

“It just slipped out, Blondie,” she told Brooke quietly, trying to downplay her embarrassment. It was a common mistake — there was no reason why anyone would look into it. Brooke did nothing except fix her with an unimpressed stare, and Vanessa just wanted the Brooke from yesterday to come back.

“Action!”

“Stay here. Stay with me. Jade, I… I have something to tell you.”

“You do?” Brooke asked with a quick intake of breath. Her eyes were curious, even hopeful, and it amazed Vanessa that she was able to convey that level of nuance with only her eyes.

“I — I love you. I wish I could say it more poetically or using some space metaphor or some shit, but it really is just that simple. I want to be with you.”

Vanessa’s eyes began to water. Brooke’s own were conflicted.

“Emilia, I — I’m sorry. But I have to do this. You know I do.” Vanessa allowed the tears to leave her eyes as her character got up to leave.

“Emilia — wait — ” Brooke pleaded, catching up with Vanessa by the door and grabbing her arm, making them face one another. Vanessa prayed that Brooke couldn’t hear her heart pounding against her chest.

Brooke’s hand came up to cup her cheek and Vanessa was gone. She was glad that this was exactly what her character wanted, as she didn’t think she could possibly reject Brooke when she was looking at her like that, even if the script called for it.

Brooke tilted her head and finally pressed her mouth to Vanessa’s. They kissed softly, Brooke’s lips moving like silk on top of hers, even more tender than Vanessa could’ve imagined. Vanessa knew it shouldn’t have been romantic, that on-screen kisses were widely regarded as anything but — but all she could think of was how right this felt, how they should’ve been doing it all along instead whatever the hell they had been wasting their time with for the past month.

Vanessa knew that it was only supposed to be a short and sweet goodbye kiss, but Michelle wasn’t yelling cut — not that Vanessa would’ve been able to hear over the fireworks crackling in her ears. But Brooke hadn’t stopped, and she took that as a good sign.

And when Vanessa felt herself be slowly backed against the door, Brooke’s tongue slipping into her mouth, to the sound of soft moans that could’ve been from either one of them, she knew that it definitely wasn’t part of the script, but she certainly wasn’t complaining.

“Cut!” came the familiar voice of Michelle’s command, and the two actresses sprung apart.

“Tone it down, you guys. What part of ‘keep it PG’ don’t you understand? It’s right there in the stage directions,” Michelle waved the script from a distance. “Let’s take five.”

“What the fuck are you playing at?” Brooke asked her abruptly in an especially bitchy tone.

“What?” Vanessa asked back, genuinely confused.

“Don’t act like this isn’t your fault, not after the way you were all over me yesterday. You tryna make me look unprofessional or something?” Brooke hit back.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me?” Vanessa spat furiously. “Your horny ass had me pinned against the fucking wall, don’t even try to deny it, bitch, everyone saw, we got it here on fuckin’ CCTV. And you wanna blame me? How fuckin’ repressed are you?” Vanessa didn’t think she had ever been this mad, which was saying a lot since almost every encounter she’d had with Brooke seemed to set a new record — each time she thought she wasn’t capable of being so angry, Brooke went and proved her wrong.

Brooke went quiet at Vanessa’s outburst, but Vanessa couldn’t find it in her to show an ounce of sympathy.

“Do we need to reshoot?” Vanessa checked as she walked up to a group of crew members.

“No, we can work with what we’ve got,” Asia replied.

“Good,” Vanessa said, feeling a twinge of disappointment, but mostly relief. “Can we call it a day? I don’t feel well.”

Asia nodded, smiling empathetically, before informing Michelle, who seemed less overjoyed at the news but willing to go with it.

“Change of plans! That’s a wrap for the day, everyone. Thanks for your hard work — see you all tomorrow,” Michelle announced and the room let out a collective applause at the early finish.

Brooke gave Vanessa a confused glance; there was a redness behind her eyes, but Vanessa refused to let herself care about that right now. She stormed off set, sad and pissed as hell and determined to stop seeing the good in Brooke once and for all.

—

“Brooke, you have got to — and I can’t stress this enough — get your shit together.”

Nina barged in through her front door — an action that initially alarmed Brooke, who’d forgotten how she’d given Nina a spare key — and she was already chastising her before she could even reach the living room.

“Nice to see you too, Nina, thank you so much for knocking,” Brooke’s words dripped with sarcasm.

“Brooke — I’m serious.”

“What did I do now?” Brooke pondered out loud, far more interested in the large tub of chocolate ice cream she was indulging herself in. She was relaxing on the couch, buried in blankets, with Henry and Apollo laying dutifully at her feet.

“I’ve just been on the phone with Ra’jah O’Hara,” Nina said, Brooke receiving the news with a blank expression.

“Who?”

“Vanessa Mateo’s manager. She claims that her client is threatening to quit the movie because of your behaviour.”

“What?!” Brooke almost gagged on her dessert. “She wouldn’t. She didn’t.”

“Okay, fine, she didn’t,” Nina conceded. “But she did tell Ra’jah to tell me to tell you that, just to see your reaction. Which was a let down, may I say. It seems like you know Vanessa better than she thinks.”

“Well, you didn’t exactly commit to the lie,” Brooke added. “Is that all?”

Nina took a deep, weary sigh and poured herself a glass of wine from the bottle that stood open on the coffee table. Brooke thought about how the culpability would be her own if Nina began ageing rapidly in the next few weeks.

“I did hear about what happened today when you guys had to kiss. Brooke, you had her up against the wall? And then lashed out at her for losing control?”

“God, I was such an asshole,” Brooke professed, hating herself even more after hearing it back.

“Just tell me why,” Nina asked.

“Because it was a fucking good kiss.”

Nina wasn’t appeased by this answer.

“I did assume that much. But taking it out on Vanessa? You can’t go around treating people like shit just because you can’t handle your emotions.” Brooke understood that Nina was right, as much as it stung to hear the truth.

“I know. It’s gone too far,” Brooke agreed, her voice smaller than ever. “I just really don’t want to be attracted to her.”

“Don’t worry about that for the moment,” Nina instructed her. “I think you have a phone call to make.”

—

Vanessa went straight home after Friday’s shoot; she didn’t even feel up to seeing A’keria and Silky, knowing that that conversation would only end in a shit ton of tears on her behalf. She ignored a bunch of texts from the both of them, throwing her phone back into the depths of her purse.

But still, Matt was there. Of course he was.

He pulled her into a hug and didn’t seem to detect the tenseness in her shoulders.

“Good day?” he asked chirpily.

“No,” Vanessa said, too drained to even make up some bullshit story that told him otherwise.

“Why not, honey?”

“Brooke’s just being a cunt,” she complained as her boyfriend winced at the cussing. “I just wanna go to bed.”

“How so? I thought you two had stopped this whole nonsense,” Matt continued to probe.

“I don’t know, I guess our kiss scene got a bit too steamy and she basically blamed it all on me even though she totally instigated it,” Vanessa explained carelessly. Matt was stunned.

“Does she have a crush on you or something?”

“What? No,” Vanessa forced out a laugh.

“Are you sure? Because you two are so fucking obsessed with each other, I just keep thinking, surely there’s some sexual tension there. But then I realise you wouldn’t do that to me. You wouldn’t string me along like some shit on your shoe if deep down, it’s not me you want. Right?”

Vanessa could tell that Matt was trying to keep his questioning tone light, trying to pretend like he didn’t already know the answer to that, but he sounded more like a balloon about to go bang.

“Right now, I’m feelin’ like I don’t want either one of you.”

“Go fuck yourself, Vanessa. And that Hollywood slut while you’re at it,” Matt hissed.

“Don’t call her that,” Vanessa warned, her voice low.

“Just as I thought,” Matt simmered.

“You wanna take a step back and maybe think about how the fuck you’re talkin’ to me?”

Matt opened his mouth to reply, but Vanessa wasn’t interested.

“That’s rhetorical, bitch — save it. And I’m not staying here tonight.”

—

Brooke settled down in her bed at half midnight, clutching her phone in one hand and a small piece of paper, courtesy of Nina, in the other. She’d spent all evening going over what she was going to say, but maybe part of her left it so late in hopes that Vanessa wouldn’t pick up. She knew it was a conversation they would have to have eventually, but Brooke questioned whether it was better suited to another day, when the wounds weren’t so fresh. She had no idea how Vanessa was going to react, after all.

However, she trusted that Ra’jah wouldn’t have passed the number along if it weren’t in her best interests to call Vanessa ASAP. And the possibility that Brooke had pushed them back to square one made her blood run cold, as much as she felt she deserved to have Vanessa damning her name and despising her very existence all over again.

Of course, texting was also an option. But Brooke longed for Vanessa to hear firsthand how sincere she was. How Brooke knew she had fucked up, but that there was nothing she wanted less than their relationship regressing further.

She dialled the number, and it rang a few times, before connecting the call.

“Hi — Vanessa, don’t hang up,” Brooke whispered.

“…Brooke?” Her voice was rough; Brooke thought she might’ve been crying. She wasn’t sure which was the better possibility; that she something else was the source of her pain, or that it was Brooke herself.

“Are… are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Vanessa said, her words concise but without malice.

“Look, I just want to say sorry. For today. I let the kiss escalate and it was totally unfair of me to put that all on you. It wasn’t even a big deal, I shouldn’t have overreacted. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not like I tried to stop you, girl.” Brooke supposed that was true. Vanessa had kissed her back with an intensity that had made her almost wonder —

What If.

Which was insane. She had a boyfriend, and as far as Brooke knew, they were perfectly happy together. Vanessa was just a really great actress.

And Brooke could hear her voice edging towards forgiveness before she’d even had the chance to earn it and if she wasn’t sure of it already, she knew then that this woman was far too good for her.

“So are we, uh, cool? Relatively speaking, I mean,” Brooke double checked.

“I forgive you, and I’m sorry for my messiness, too. But we gotta stop going round in circles like this. I don’t wanna go in to work tomorrow and have you shut me out again, so we fight and you feel bad and I forgive you and it just keeps on repeatin’.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” It wasn’t enough; Brooke knew she had to prove that she wouldn’t fall back into the traps of her defence mechanisms.

“We have to change. Let’s start now,” she said confidently, wanting to demonstrate that she could properly open up to her co-star.

“Okay…” Vanessa trailed off.

“Tell me something about yourself,” Brooke requested. Vanessa giggled a little, sounding just as surprised as Brooke was at the turn in conversation, and it was almost like they were two regular friends swapping secrets at a sleepover.

“Hmm… oh, I’ve got one. I told Ra’jah to give you my number. So just know I could’ve made you work so much harder for that redemption, bitch.”

It wasn’t quite what Brooke had in mind, but she found herself laughing effortlessly anyway. Even though Vanessa was transparent, and she had already worked that one out.

“Not exactly personal, but it’s a start,” Brooke responded, smiling to herself in the darkness.

“What about you?” Vanessa deflected. Brooke bounced an idea around in her mind, contemplating whether she should be brave.

“Mine is: I don’t know if I ever hated you.”

“Bitch, you’re kidding. Tell me something true now, you gotta play by the rules.”

“I am telling the truth,” Brooke began to elaborate. “I mean, I didn’t exactly like you, sure, but there was always something else underneath all that.”

“Oh really?” Vanessa’s voice was quiet in disbelief. It was too much for Brooke, felt too intimate, somehow, despite the fact that the other woman was miles away.

“Yeah, I dunno. I think I was jealous of you, you’re so young and pretty and popular and all that jazz,” Brooke lied, scrunching her face up at how far it was from the facts.

“Oh.”

— was all Vanessa had to say to her, not thrilled despite the compliments Brooke had sent her way.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” Vanessa concluded.

“Yeah. I’m so sorry, again.”

“Thanks for calling, Brooke.”

“Goodnight, Vanessa.”

A soft “night” was all Brooke heard before the line went dead.

It had been a day. And still, as she tried to succumb to sleep, all Brooke’s mind could do was drift back to that kiss.

Brooke had shared many great kisses in her life, but there was a fire in that one unlike anything she had felt before. She could still envision every sensation; the sweet taste of Vanessa’s mouth, the scent of her intoxicating perfume, the warmth of her smooth skin brushing up against Brooke’s own; the addictive gasp she had let out as her back had made contact with the wall, too quiet for anyone else to have heard. She felt a heat pooling between her thighs at the memory; began to touch herself as she wished it were Vanessa’s fingers making her fall apart instead. When she came, it was with Vanessa’s name on her lips.

Nina was gonna have a field day once she clocked it, too — Brooke was in deep, and there was no coming up for air.

[canaryatlaw]

today was...a lot. morning was actually pretty good, my emotions have just kinda been all over the place. I never notice when I’m in a depressive spiral until I hit the bottom and look back like oh yeah, that would make sense why I’ve been sleeping so much and feeling so anxious and stressed about work (and I mean, work is definitely a part of it, which really just means I need to get the position at the DV clinic that much more) and discouraged all the time, along with skipping church for like, a solid month, even going in for the babies one week but not staying for the service because I just didn’t have it in me. I think I need to really reevaluate who and what is important to me and how that actually has an impact on my life and wellbeing. Most of all I need to stop relying on other people for emotional fulfillment, because eventually they will let you down and I can’t keep putting myself through that pain. I’ve been thinking back to when my life wasn’t as crazy like it is now. I’ve tended to look back on that time negatively, at least in the positive moments now. But the truth was that while my life was pretty boring, I wasn’t depressed (save for the summer of 2017, but that was external circumstances that I couldn’t control). I was happy with the life I had and the friends I had, and god do I miss those friends. I’m talking to them in a GC on twitter like right now and I really just miss them. It’s been way too long since I’ve gotten to see them and actually hang out with them. And these are my friends- mine, not friends by association with someone else who I know aren’t at all loyal to me as actual friends and I really don’t trust most of them. Is it nice to have sometime to do on my weekends now? Yeah, it is, but the drawbacks have been beginning to weigh on me, and now I’m not sure that it’s always what’s best for me. I’m not saying I want it all gone, because for the most part I do very much like my life now, but there are definitely some things that need to change, because I can’t keep doing this. And more than anything I think those changes need to come from me, not anyone else. god, I’d kill for a good therapist that I was comfortable with and knew I could trust right now just to talk this all out with. I just need to be better with controlling my emotions and not getting attached to people who aren’t going to be there for me. I need to rely on myself, not other people. so that’s pretty much all the emotions I’ve been processing. I’m still split on whether I should say anything to my psychiatrist about it at my appointment Tuesday. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I should, I’m just so scared of switching meds that might result in a very bad result like it has in the past, and I really don’t trust this new guy yet, so far all he’s done is prescribed the meds I told him I was already own, I don’t have any examples of his judgment on which to base a decision. But I realized today that it’s definitely worse than I thought, so at this point I pretty much feel like I have to, even though that scares me. sigh. okay, I think that’s all my feelings for now, I may come back and add more sentences while writing the rest of the post. but yeah, my day, let’s get to that. I woke up to my alarm at 7:15 and surprisingly managed to get out of bed without that much effort. Got ready, public transit was actually cooperating with my schedule for once and I literally made it inside the sanctuary 20 seconds before the service started, lol, can’t beat that. I had taken a seat next to this guy after asking if it was open, and we started talking a little, just bits and pieces during the service. and y’all, he was SO cute. Kinda preppy, wearing a polo shirt, but it looked classy, not douchey. so throughout the service (which I’ll get to in a minute) I’m like sneaking glances over to him. He just moved to Chicago, and it was his first time at the church, so we talked a bit about that stuff. And like, at this point my brain was setting off serious alarm bells (in a good way, lol) because finding single cute guys at this church is fucking impossible, and I saw my opportunity and knew I had to take it. So once the service was over I was just like “I’m never this forward, but are you seeing anyone? dating in this church is impossible because everyone’s already taken, lol” which he laughed at. He responded that he wasn’t seeing anyone, but felt like he wasn’t really in a good place to be in a relationship right now because he’s got some things he has to deal with, but if he was available he would *definitely* be interested, which he certainly did not have to add if he was just trying to blow me off haha. I said ofc I totally understand, and if he gets things worked out, he’d know where to find me. We left off saying we’d see each other in the weeks to come. So overall I’m declaring this a successful guy interaction! I’ve literally never done that before in my life haha so I’d say pretty good. But yeah the service was really good, started by talking about the beginning of Matthew reading the genealogy of Jesus (which is of course not terribly thrilling haha but that was the point) and then went to talking about how each person on that list had a story and how your story is going to impact the people around you if you allow God to work through you and share it. Really good stuff. And just to make it super awesome, they brought an ice cream truck and paid for everyone to get ice cream??? have I mentioned how much I love my church??? so so much, lol. these people get me. So of course I went down and got an ice pop before proceeding to the volunteer huddle, and it was very much appreciated. Once I was done I went to the volunteer lounge and we did our kick off, and then headed to the baby room. There were 3 of us in the babies and 1 in the walkers, but at this point we’d basically been combining them so it wasn’t really an issue. We started getting babies pretty quickly, and they just kept coming, and coming, and coming.....it was getting insane. and when I say babies I mean like infants, under 1 and either not being able to crawl or just starting to figure it out, and we were running out of rockers and just about anything else to put them in. So at this point it was getting to pandemonium very quickly. I think the final count ended up being 18 babies for 4 volunteers, which is NUTS. Thankfully our kids ministry people are super awesome and did everything they could to help out and took the crying ones on a stroller ride with the massive stroller they have, and that always helps. but yeah, in my 3 years of volunteering with the babies, this was the most babies I have ever seen. Like older kids? sure, I’ve seen plenty of those. but babies?? like those are sooo much harder and require so much more attention. so it was definitely a challenge. Apparently the reason for this was for some reason this service was absolutely flooded with people, with the sanctuary packed out and over 100 people (100!!! people!!!) in the overflow space, which is insane. no idea what triggered that, but definitely a good problem to have. so eventually the service ended and everyone got picked up, and after cleaning up I headed home. Commute home was fine, once I got here I had some lunch and was on my laptop for a bit before starting to get some work done, still doing case research so that’s at least preferable to writing for me, and I got 4 hours of work in so that’s good. I’m at 14 hours so far for the week from Friday to today, so to make 40 hours by the end of Thursday I gotta do 3 days of 6 hours and 1 day of 8 hours (or some similar combination) which is definitely doable, so I’m pleased with that. I finally stopped to watch the Teen Choice Awards, which I felt absolutely ridiculous doing, but I wanted to see Monsta X perform, so I stuck it out for them and was pleased with that. My roommate came home earlier than she normally does so we sat and watched it and mostly laughed at people. They ended up not airing like, the majority of the awards and ended it after two hours which was very strange. I could’ve sworn Monsta X got nominated for “Who Do You Love?” in like an international song category, but couldn’t find any proof of that anywhere, so idk. Of course BTS won every award it was nominated for, including best fandom, so no surprise there. Once it was over we watched the news for a bit and eventually my roommate moved to her bedroom and I turned to netflix and watched an episode of Sugar Rush before showering and starting to get ready for bed, and now I’m here. Ooof that was a long post, but I clearly had a lot to say. Hopefully tomorrow will be better emotionally and I’ll be able to figure out what I need to do going forward to take better care of myself. Until then, I definitely need to be getting some sleep since it’s just past 1 am at the moment, and I need to do at least 6 hours of work tomorrow, do laundry, and hopefully make a quick Walgreens run for face wash and milk, so plenty to do so I’m gonna go to bed now. Goodnight friends. Hope your Monday doesn’t suck.

[probably-not-star-lord]

Guardians of the Galaxy: Part 11 (Peter Quill x Reader)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

A/N: Hey sorry it took me a little while to get this part done but here it is. Honestly, it kinda sucks just cause it’s a bunch of fighting and not enough flirting with Peter. There is one final part after this and then I am going to be writing one for Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 which should come out shortly! Hope y’all enjoy!

Warnings: swearing, mild violence

-

As you emerge from Peter's quarters, you can't help but feel a pair of judgemental eyes watching you. Turning around you face Rocket who is leaning against the doorway with a satisfied grin. He notices you wearing Peter's large shirt that hangs down to your thighs and a pair of Peter's boxers peeking out from underneath. You suddenly become aware of how suspicious you look, slowly shutting Peter's door wearing his clothes as the raccoon stares you down.

"Rocket," you acknowledge nervously, hoping he doesn't notice the waver in your voice.

"Y/N," he responds smugly. "Nice pajamas."

"Shut up, furball."

Rocket snickers. "Hey, no need to get defensive. I figured it was only a matter of time before I caught you leaving Quill's room in the morning."

Intrigued, you raise an eyebrow. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Come on, Y/N," Rocket states casually as if you already know what he is going to say. "You and Quill have been dying to jump each other's bones the moment you first met."

"That's ridiculous," you defend, looking away from Rocket.

"Keep telling yourself that," he responds, turning around with a grumble. He begins to saunter away from you, mumbling under his breath. "You Terrans are so fucking oblivious."

As everyone slowly starts to wake up, you all meet up in the common area of Yondu's ship. Yondu and the Ravagers offer up some Ravager garb for the group, that way you will all look like a team. You all take the offer and go off to change. Everyone's outfits are able to accommodate their individual needs during the battle. Peter wears his usual Ravager clothing that has holsters for his guns and spots for his rocket launchers on his boots, paired with his iconic leather jacket of course. Drax ditches the shirt and only wears the red pants and boots that allow him to store his swords inside. Rocket dresses in what would be an average outfit for himself: a vest and pants that have strategic places for all of his insane weapons. Gamora puts on a Ravager outfit that also contains a spot for her sword and weapons. Obviously, Groot wears nothing because he never does.

Lastly, you step into the bathroom and are thankful to change out of your dirty clothes from Morag. You were reluctant to change back into them this morning, but after your discussion with Rocket, you figured it would have been a terrible idea to leave Peter's room wearing his underwear. The new Ravager outfit they give you looks identical to Gamora's, but it has space for guns instead of swords. Checking yourself out in the mirror, you zip up the red jacket that looks incredibly good on you. It's not too revealing but it's not too modest either. You like the way the tight pants grip your curves and how the boots make your legs look amazing. Automatically, you strap your walkman to your belt and are very happy with your final appearance.

You step outside the bathroom door where you find Peter leaning up against the wall. Upon hearing the door open, his head shoots up and he stares right at you. His eyes travel down your body, exploring every inch of it in your new outfit. Holding back a snicker, you smirk at him. "Guess I look pretty good then, huh?"

"You look so fucking hot..." Peter mumbles to himself, face distraught. He hears you laugh at him so he coughs and makes his voice deeper. "I mean...yeah you look pretty good."

"Thanks," you say, turning on your heel to head down the hallway. "You look hot as well, Peter." You can feel him grin at you as he stays close on your trail, following your every step. He wouldn't dare walk in front of you, because then he couldn't get the nice view he has from behind you.

In the common area, you all agree to go through the plan one more time as you approach Xandar. Rocket steps in front of the group. "There's one more thing we need to complete the plan," he announces, everyone looking at him. "That guy's eye!" He points to a Ravager with a mechanical eye and you chuckle thinking back to when Rocket made Peter retrieve a prisoner's prosthetic leg.

"No!" Peter shouts. "No, we don't. No, we don't need that guy's eye."

"No, seriously, I need it! It's important to me." Rocket laughs to himself. Thankfully, no one lets him try and take the man's eye, although it would be kind of funny.

"We do not need that dude's eye," you giggle, nudging Rocket.

After going over everything one more time, Peter goes off to send a message to the Nova Corp officers that arrested you guys a few days ago while Rocket gets his weapons ready. You look over your guns and practice aiming them while Drax and Gamora train with their swords.

"Ronan's fleet has been spotted and will arrive in T-minus fifteen minutes," a voice on the ship's speakers recites.

You sit down on a bench in the common area of Yondu's ship. You take a deep breath, breathing in and out slowly. What if you die today? It's a very big possibility and honestly, it scares you, no matter how tough you try to come across to others. Peter speaks briefly with Yondu and then takes a seat next to you.

"Hey," he mutters, nudging you with his shoulder. "You nervous?"

"Yeah."

"Well, don't be. I really think we got this under control. We can take down Ronan."

You sigh. "But what if we can't, Peter? We all said we might die out there today and we were all fine with it. What if that actually happens?"

"You think I'm gonna let you die without kissin' you again?" Peter jokes, causing you to chuckle. He slings his arm around you and pulls you into him. He smells like vanilla and leather and you want to savor the warmth of his comforting embrace. "In all seriousness, Y/N, I'm gonna try my best to make sure nothing happens to you...or anyone."

"Okay..." you smile up at him. "We can do this."

"Hell yeah, we can! Plus, I totally got somethin' that will cheer you up." He gets up from the seat and removes the tape from his walkman. He pops it into the player and "Cherry Bomb" by the Runaways echoes throughout the ship. Peter immediately starts dancing to the music like an absolute dork. He was right, that definitely cheers you up.

He pulls you along with him as the rest of the gang lines up to walk toward your ships as the beat plays in the background. First, it's just you and Peter, then Gamora walks alongside you, then Drax, then Groot, and then Rocket. You felt like superheroes walking in slow-motion to save the day. That's a pretty new and exciting feeling.

"Don't fuck up out there, humie." Rocket looks up at you with a sly grin. "I'm counting on you."

"Yeah, right," you snicker. "You're just saying that cause you're worried I might die out there and you'd miss me too much."

"Maybe," the raccoon discloses. "But don't get all high and mighty about it." He begins to walk away toward the flight deck.

"Hey, Rocket!" You call out to him. "You don't fuck up out there either, okay?"

"Me? I wouldn't dream of it."

"Let's go get em, boys!" Yondu hollers from the pilot's seat. He opens the gate below the ship and several smaller ships emerge. Rocket is in another craft while you, Peter, Gamora, Drax, and Groot head out in the Milano. Peter steers the ship and he has that cute, giddy grin he gets whenever he is piloting.

"This is a terrible plan," Gamora complains.

"Hey," Peter retorts. "You're the one who said you wanted to die among friends and family."

As Ronan's ship, the Dark Aster, enters, all of the ravager ships block his path. On Yondu's command, you all begin firing at it. The ship manages to deflect most of the shots and gets ready to shoot at you and the ravagers, so Rocket and a few other crafts head to the starboard side, trying to knock it down. The Dark Aster releases the tiny ships with Ronan's henchmen in them so they can shoot at the ravagers.

"Quill! Yondu! Now!" Rocket calls. Peter steers through the madness of the battle with Yondu beside your ship. As you get closer to approaching Ronan's ship, Yondu gets taken down.

"Hell!" he screams. "I'm going down, Quill. No more games with me, boy! I'll see you at the end of this." With that, his ship goes down to the surface of Xandar. Peter just groans at his statement and continues to get to Ronan's ship. It grows more and more difficult to dodge the shots, and after you're hit by one it feels impossible.

"There are too many of them, Rocket! We‟ll never make it up there!" Gamora yells.

Suddenly, a fleet of ships enters and begins assisting you in taking down Ronan's smaller crafts. It's the Nova army! To your surprise, they're here to help you.

"Peter Quill," a voice calls from one of the Nova ships. "This is Denarian Saal of the Nova Corp. For the record, I advised against trusting you here."

Peter's face lights up. "They got my dick message!" he exclaims. You laugh while the rest of the crew seems to raise their eyebrows at him.

"Prove me wrong," Saal states.

Now with the help of the Nova Corp, you're able to pick up the pace and blast through the Dark Aster. It is very hard to come to a stop as the Milano scrapes against the floor while several henchmen shoot at you. All the while, Drax is cracking up in the back seat. Peter manages to stop the ship successfully while Ronan's goons scurry.

"Yes!" Drax shouts in excitement. "Yes!" He continues to laugh hysterically.

"We are just like Kevin Bacon!" Gamora points out. You and Peter share a look, appreciating her enthusiasm for a Footloose reference.

"Definitely," you answer your sister, causing her smile to shine brighter.

You leave the Milano, taking some useful weapons with you, and step out into the foggy interior of the ship. The area is completely dark and obviously, the fog only makes things worse. "I can barely see," Drax says what everyone is thinking. Groot extends his hand, and when he opens it, a bunch of fireflies flutter out. You stare at them in awe. Not only are they beautiful to look at, but they illuminate the ship, allowing all of you to see clearly. "When did you learn to do that?" Drax asks.

"Pretty sure the answer is 'I am Groot'" Peter huffs.

"The flight deck is three hundred meters away," Gamora informs. The group nods and resumes walking in the right direction.

"I want you all to know that I am grateful to your acceptance after my blunders. It is pleasing to once again have...friends," Drax conveys. "You, Quill, are my friend."

"Thanks," he replies.

"Y/N is my friend."

"Right back at ya."

"This dumb tree, he is my friend," Drax says. Groot hums in acknowledgment. "And this green whore, she to-"

"Oh, you must stop!" Gamora snaps.

All of a sudden, Nebula drops before you. "Gamora, Y/N, look at what you have done!" she states. "You two have always been weak. You're stupid, traitorous..."

Drax shoots her with his gun and she falls into the broken debris of the ship. "Nobody talks to my friends like that." You and Gamora send him smiles of gratitude.

"Head to the flight deck," Gamora says. "I'll shut down the power to the security doors."

As you jog toward the flight deck, Korath and his men stop you. "Star-Lord," he states.

The corners of Peter's lips creep up into a goofy grin. "Finally!" He is truly the biggest dork ever, but a cute dork nonetheless. The two of them engage in a fight while the rest of you quickly take down his henchmen. Drax cuts them with his swords while you fire at them with your guns. Groot gets rid of them in his own ways, punching and extending his roots and such. Korath throws Peter up against a wall and he seems as though he is unable to get up.

Your eyes widen as you stare at Peter almost nearing defeat. The men you're fighting off almost notice your distraction and the way you easily let your guard down, yet you punch or shoot them one by one. As you continue firing shots and fighting the henchmen, your mind wanders to Peter as you attempt to make your way over to him.

Luckily, Drax goes to his defense and begins attacking Korath. Korath shoves him down against the floor. "You will never make it to Ronan."

Peter gets back up and you fight side by side to take down the henchmen. He uses his rocket launchers to slide across the ground and shoot at any of the henchmen in the way. Drax continues to fight Korath, punching him until he has him pushed up against the wall.

"Finger to the throat means death." He slams his head and Korath shakes until he falls to the floor, dead. You and Peter stare at Drax. "Metaphor," he declares.

Peter shrugs. "Yeah, sort of." He turns to see a ton more men run toward you. "Oh no," he mutters. But, Groot grows his hand and takes every single one of them down, screaming in rage during the process. He turns to look back at the three of you and simpers sheepishly. You move forward.

You feel the ship move downward as it pulsates through the blockade the Nova Corp army created. Ronan has started heading toward the city and you are losing the battle.

"Quill, you gotta hurry," Rocket says through the earpiece in Peter's mask. "The city's been evacuated, but we're getting our asses kicked down here."

"Gamora hasn't opened the door!" Peter responds, slamming his fists on the closed door you need to get through. You wait for a few brief seconds until it finally opens. You duck into the flight deck, where Gamora enters on the opposite side. You kill all of the henchmen blocking your path to Ronan so you can all stand behind him, ready to defeat him once and for all. Peter gets the hadron enforcer warmed up and takes the shot. It hits Ronan, exploding him into a blue cloud of dust. Peter deactivates his mask and smiles brightly.

"You did it!" Drax cheers.

However, your beaming grins soon change into frowns as you see Ronan stand up. You and Peter share a look of fright, he wasn't able to kill Ronan. He can't protect you now. Ronan gets up and faces all of you. He lifts his hammer that contains the Infinity Stone and turns it, causing you to fly back. Drax collects himself instantly and sprints toward Ronan, who puts him in a chokehold once he gets near him. He struggles to breathe and his feet dangle, kicking as he fights against his grip.

"I was mistaken," Ronan's loud voice booms. "I do remember your family. Their screams were pitiful. I-" he is cut off by Rocket's ship entering and slamming into him. This causes the whole quadrant to go up in flames and you know the entire ship is about to explode.

Peter retrieves Rocket from the ship and brings him toward Groot while you and Gamora drag Drax over. Pieces of the ship crumble around you and you feel it going down. Groot looks around amongst all of you and then grows every branch on his body to cover you in his protection of strong sticks. He uses the branches to strap you down and keep you secure. You reach out and grab Peter's hand. He intertwines his fingers with yours and sends you a meaningful look. You stare into his magnificent, green eyes as you prepare for your descent into the ground on Xandar.

"No, Groot. You can't, you'll die," Rocket says to him. "Why are you doing this? Why?" He starts to tear up as he watches his best friend try his best to save you.

He uses a small, curved twig to rub against Rocket's face. "We...are...Groot," he delivers. You all understand and appreciate that he is risking his life to save his friends. You mean something to him, and him to the rest of you.

As you draw closer to the ground, you close your eyes and brace for impact. Ronan's ship slams into the hard surface and explodes, destroying Groot and throwing the rest of you around. You feel the gravel beneath you and sit up. Peter's speaker from the Milano must have been tossed in the process because it begins playing once it hits the ground. The song "Ooh Child" by the Five Stairsteps plays through the sounds of explosions and ship pieces crumbling.

You all have various injuries as you hassle to get up, groaning as your feet touch the dirt. Rocket collects some remaining sticks from Groot and cries quietly to himself. Ronan evacuates the ship, his Infinity Stone hammer in hand.

"You killed Groot!" Rocket screams as he runs toward Ronan. He waves the hammer slightly, sending Rocket away into the dust and knocking him out.

"Behold!" Ronan announces. "Your Guardians of the Galaxy. What fruit have they wrought? Only that my father and his father shall finally know vengeance. People of Xandar, the time has come to rejoice and renounce your paltry gods! Your salvation is at hand." During his speech, you notice Rocket regain consciousness and work on a weapon. Drax assists him and you turn to Peter. He meets your gaze and knows he must do something to save you.

Just as Ronan raises his hammer to slam down and wipe out Xandar, Peter stands up and sings along to the song.

"Ooh child, things are gonna get easier,

Ooh child things will get brighter,"

"Listen to these words," he commands, pointing a finger at Ronan.

"Ooh child, things are gonna get easier,

Ooh child things will get brighter,"

"Now bring it down hard!" He dances while he sings along and the entire crew watches him and confusion. You just stand there and smile, knowing exactly what he is doing.

"Someday we'll put it together and we'll get it undone,"

"What are you doing?" Ronan questions.

Peter pumps his hips in the air as he gets more into it. "Dance-off bro! Me and you." Everyone stares at him while he continues to dance. He extends a hand to you. "Y/N..." You shake your head, simply due to your fear of Ronan. In any other circumstance, you would've gladly danced with him. "Subtle," he says. "Take it back."

Ronan fumes with anger at Peter's ridiculousness. "What are you doing?" he spits.

"I'm distractin' you, you big turd blossom."

Ronan turns to his other side where he finds Rocket and Drax holding up the Hadron Enforcer. They fire it at him, shattering the hammer and letting the Infinity Stone break loose. Peter lunges for it and so does Ronan. As Peter's hand closes around it, you wince. "No!" you cry.

He has it in his possession now, and you know it will kill him slowly. He falls to the ground and screams in pain, a dark cloud of purple surrounding all of you. The air inside the purple cloud is thick and hard to see in. Peter stands up and you struggle to make your way to him.

"Peter!" you wail. "Take my hand." You reach for him and he just stares at you blankly but you can see that he is certainly hurting everywhere. "Take my hand!" you repeat. Peter moves his hand toward yours and takes it, his big hand enveloping yours. You suddenly feel everything he is feeling and you can't help but scream too. Gamora climbs up next to you and takes your other hand. She also screams once she feels the pain. Drax pats Peter's shoulder and Rocket grasps Drax's his finger. Then you're all standing there screaming as you feel the agony of the Infinity Stone flow through you.

All connected, you become silent, standing there with straight faces looking right into Ronan. He stares at Peter in disbelief. "You're mortal! How?"

"You said it yourself, bitch," Peter states. "We're the Guardians of the Galaxy." he thrusts the Infinity Stone forward and it destroys Ronan in seconds, killing him at last. Gamora takes one of the devices from her side and apprehends the Infinity Stone with it. The purple cloud disappears and everyone is released of the irritation from touching the Stone. Peter faces you, his hair a mess and matted down with dirt and his face covered in cuts and bruises. You peer into each other's eyes as you find proper air to breathe, chests rising and falling forcefully. The two of you take steps closer to one another until there is almost no space left between you and him. He looks down at your lips and then back into your eyes. You desperately want him to grab you and kiss you passionately, but a familiar voice interrupts.

"Well, well, well, quite the light show," Yondu yelps, striding towards you. "Ain't this sweet, but you got some business to attend to before all the nookie-nookie starts.

"Peter, you can't give it to him," you utter.

"You gotta reconsider this, Yondu. I don't know who you're sellin' this to, but the only way the universe can survive is if you give it to the Nova Corp."

"I may be as pretty as an angel, but I sure as hell ain't one." He adjusts his jacket so his arrow is aimed at Peter, threatening him if he doesn't cooperate. "Hand it over, son."

Peter reluctantly passes it to him. "Yondu, do not open that orb. You know that, right? You've seen what it does to people." Yondu just nods in response and then saunters off with the rest of the ravagers to their ships. You sigh, knowing Peter had to give it to him even if it was unsafe. "He is gonna be so pissed when he realizes I switched out the orb on him."

"Clever," you respond with a faint grin. "But he's gonna kill you when he finds out, Peter."

"I know, but he was about the only family I had."

Gamora put a hand on Peter's shoulder and smiles warmly up at him. "No, he wasn't," she says. The rest of Guardians face one another with beaming grins.

Peter looks away from the team and turns to face you, looking at him with eyes of admiration. You admire his handsome face even if he looks a bit disheveled. He shoots you a kind smile and leans in to put his hands on your waist.

"Now how about that kiss?"

Part Twelve: Here

[take-me-south]

You would think after living in Charleston for two years now, I would have seen and did everything that one MUST do while in Chucktown. However, my freshman year was spent downing bottles of Moscato and ordering Papa Johns at 2A.M and when I was sight seeing it was usually when I forced myself to go running after nights like that. Also, I feel like freshman year you spend most of it trying to navigate your way through campus let alone an entire city.

This year I managed to do a little more sight seeing but was also busy juggling dirty diapers, screaming children and textbooks so still not much got done. Let’s be real, how can one afford to truly see Charleston with no money in their wallet anyways?

So basically what is has come down to is me making a list of things I MUST do with the quickly diminishing time I have left. I figured I’d share my list with y’all so that if you ever come to Charleston you don’t make the same mistake I did and wait until the very last second to see and do everything.

Sights to See: 

The Ravenel Bridge

I ran, let’s be real, walked it when I was here for orientation freshman year but since I’ve never walked it again so last week I walked it once more and I think that’s good enough. Kids, don’t try running it. You’ll just want to throw yourself off of it.

2.  The Pitt Street Bridge

I really wish I had discovered this sooner because it’s such a peaceful place to sit, read and drink coffee. Also, if you ever need to get your dog fix, it’s the place to go.

3. Rainbow Row

Obviously I’ve been to it a million times over but I feel like it’s necessary to put on the list for y’all because I once had someone stop me and ask “Where’s Rainbow Row?” as we were standing right in front of it.

4.  Isaac Jenkins Mikell House

If you watch Southern Charm then you’re probably like me and want to stalk everyone. Patricia Altschul currently lives at the Isaac Jenkins Mikell House on Rutledge. Unfortunately, it’s very much so hidden and it’s nearly impossible to snap a picture.

5. Colonial Lake

I wish this were closer to my apartment because it’s a really good spot to run. You essentially feel like you’re running around a track. LOL at me trying to talk from experience like I’ve actually ran it. It makes for a very nice walk with an ice cream cone in hand. Also, another common area to find dogs at.

6. Angel Oak Tree

I had seen pictures of it all over Charleston’s Instagram pages so I thought it was a must see. After forcing Hunter to drive over thirty minutes to go see it, it really wasn’t worth it. However, it is a pretty cool sight to see. On the other hand, it’s over 400 years old so you can’t hang on, sit on, or breathe near it. I’ll let y’all be the judge of whether or not you should visit it.

7. Sullivan’s Island 

When it comes to beaches in Charleston everyone will most likely tell you to go to Folly. However, I’ll tell you the exact opposite. I’ve always gone to Sullivan’s over Folly because it is much quieter and cleaner. Also, in my opinion the restaurants are better over at Sullivan’s.

Places to Eat:

1. Glazed Donuts

Everyone who knows me, knows that I’m obsessed with donuts and they are the way to my heart and soul. I could eat them for every meal and never get sick of them. (Fun Fact: Instead of wedding cake I’m having a donut bar at my wedding.) Glazed offers gourmet donuts made every morning so they’re super fresh. Also, it’s an adorable donut shop just to sit in and enjoy a cup of coffee and a donut or ten.

2. Tsunami

I could eat sushi every second of every day and never get tired of it. Half off sushi? Even better. Every night from 4-7pm Tsunami has $5 speciality rolls and half off other rolls. It’s the cheapest sushi I’ve ever eaten and the most delicious. I’ve also never gotten sick from it either so that’s a win win because sometimes cheap food just means food poisoning. I never get to take pictures of it since it’s gone within five minutes of receiving it, sorry.

4. Kudu

For all you coffee lovers like me, Kudu is the spot to be. They serve all types of coffee and tea as well as beer. It’s a very hip place and I have a slight obsession with coffee shops in case you didn’t know. They have indoor and outdoor seating but I prefer outside because their patio is the cutest and super relaxing whether you’re studying, reading or just meeting up with friends for coffee.

5. Sweet Belgium 

This was the last place I conquered on my list and it did not disappoint. First of all, who doesn’t love waffles? Second, cute small businesses with even cuter owners? Sweet Belgium is the cutest of cute places mainly because the owners make it cute. (Have I said the word cute enough?) They are husband and wife and came to Charleston from Belgium to start this yummy business. They’re super friendly and I could probably sit in there all day talking to them while simultaneously stuffing my face with waffles.

Keep an eye on this post as I may add more spots to visit!

Follow me on Instagram to see where else I have gone.

Xo,

Things-to-Do in Charleston You would think after living in Charleston for two years now, I would have seen and did everything that one MUST do while in Chucktown.

[therightprometheanfire]

I got tagged twice! Here’s @ravingliberal‘s first, because I got hers first.

RULES: tell your followers 11 random facts about yourself and tag 11 people. tag backs are allowed but if you do get tagged again you must not repeat any of the facts you mentioned in the previous round. the facts can be absolutely anything, whatever comes to mind first. 

#1: I just got a banana Starburst that was clearly labeled as a Lemon Starburst, and feel vaguely cheated.

#2: The day Terry Pratchett died, my dad was out on a run. I’d managed to stop crying by the time he came back, but only just. I told him what had happened and felt my face get a little shaky again. He looked at me for a minute, then said “you wanna watch a movie or something after I shower?”. I nodded and before he went to shower, he disappeared for a second, and returned with an oatmeal cookie. “Sadness cookie,” he said sagely, and gave it to me. I don’t remember what we watched, but that’s the most unimportant part of the story.

#3: I can sing all of “Bruce’s Philosopher Song” by the Monty Python guys and when I was fourteen, I sang it during a Shakespeare production, I believe The Merchant of Venice, while playing a drunk, because it was the only drinking song I knew and I knew it by heart. I told only my brother I was going to do it, and he was excited to be let in on the secret. I couldn’t hear her because I was doing my best to project my singing because it was an outdoor production, but my mother evidently laughed so hard and so loud that people turned around to stare at her. I was also still full time homeschooled at that point (for another couple of weeks, anyway, before I went to high school), and my mother jokingly said that the song was our philosophy education for the year.

#4: I have absolutely abysmal eating habits, which is mostly due to the fact that I eat a lot of food as kind of a coping mechanism. I’m trying to get the upper hand here, but it’s really fucking hard.

#5: These days I refer to all male authority figures as “sir” and all female authority figures “ma’am”, which is less me being obsessively polite and more a side effect of going to a military college, even as a civilian.

#6: I love weird socks. Which I always have, to a certain extent. But @i-am-the-knight-who-says-ni got me ones that say “I gave a fuck, once” and that kicked off my real delight in them. Now I have a wide array, including a LOT from Blue Q like “I have mood swings” and “It’s okay, I hate everyone too”, some that look like famous paintings, and a personal favorite that my mom brought me back from Austin, which are American flag socks with Bill Murray’s face all over them.

#7: I am probably the only person on Earth who has a really hard time bingewatching. I’ll marathon half-hour shows, for sure, but those are usually either in the background while I do something else, or episodes I’ve seen before. Bingewatching new, hour+ content is near impossible for me, mostly happening in spurts. The closest I think I’ve come most recently was when I started Hannibal, and watched six episodes in one day. Before that, I watched the second half of the first season of The X-Files and the first couple episodes of the second season in a day. I burnt myself out on both those shows just from those viewings and it took forever to take them up again. Bingewatching, man. An unattainable constant. 

#8: I am a really fast and capable reader, and I started reading Shakespeare when I was nine or ten, starting with abridged children’s versions and moving quickly to the plays themselves. I used to take out books in the tens from the library, read them all, and return them the next week. When I was reading the American Girl books around seven, we had an AG board game that I played with my mother. It had a trivia section and I went for those cards every time, and Mom, who’d been under the impression that I wasn’t really reading the books, just sort of flipping the pages like little kids do sometimes, proceeded to be really freaked out when I nailed almost every single question. I’m not trying to brag or boast here. I’m trying to set up some backstory for you so you understand what I’m telling you that, when none of these things tripped me up, when I was a quite confident and competent reader, I was ground to a halt by The Fellowship of the Ring. I tried reading it when I was ten or eleven, and it took me three years. Now that’ll knock you down a peg.

#9: Orson Welles in his prime, Citizen Kane days could get it. Seriously, all he would have to have done was ask me and I would be like “yup, you bet”.

#10: In relation to the LOTR thing, when I was a kid I had a book called The Languages of Middle-Earth (I had seen the movies at this point even though I hadn’t read the books), which had an Elvish-English dictionary. I decided to write poetry in Elvish. Not only was it abysmal poetry, I mixed the shit out of Sindarin and Quenya, so it just read like a fucking mess.

#11: I refuse to wear any shirt that has curse words on it in public, because in public there are sometimes children and I’m not gonna have curse words around children, come the fuck on now.

I tag @singlemaltantiseptics, @flapperwitch, @irlkatebishop, @princessparadoxical, @ellicelluella, @jennysparkling, @valkyriesuits, @infinitegem, @0nlywishfulthinking, @katymacky, and @padbaeamidla!

Now for the next one! Please assume that everyone tagged in the above is also tagged in this, minus of course @princessparadoxical, on the grounds that she is the one who tagged me in this one :D

Bold the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE: I am 5′7″ or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces There is something I would change about the way I look

PERSONALITY: My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor Hufflepuff Ravenclaw Slytherin I am an introvert I like love meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges (depends) I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing Fandoms are my #1 passion I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIP: I’m in a relationship I have a celebrity crush I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school (25 min. away, depends on definition of close) My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair (tried) I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages fluently I have made a new friend in the past year

Thanks for the tags, y’all!

[frazzledsoul]

The Ten Most Horrible Things That Have Happened On Television Ever, According To Me

(disclaimer: this only includes TV shows I actually have a record of watching, so sorry, Michael Cordero and Derek Shepard, y’all were beautiful and adorable and too pure for this world but not included here, and no real-life events, sorry Challenger Explosion, only fiction allowed)

10. Margeary being blown to smithereens/Shireen being burned alive while her parents watch (Game Of Thrones)

Ah, Margeary. The sweet-voiced gold digger with the plunging neckline, who fought her way to the crown not by ruthlessness or brawn but with a seductive smile. And Shireen, the pure hearted tween girl whose death was objectively the most savage thing that’s ever happened on this show (even if it’s not the one that’s hurt the most). We were spared their gruesome deaths and in a way I think their demises were inevitable, but I’m still not quite over it.

9. Poor Tara being felled a psycho’s bullet instead of by vampire bite (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)

It feels so tragic to me that Tara ended up being a plot device engineered to fuel Willow’s MAGICK!Crack storyline. Because that storyline was groundbreaking for TV at the time and it always had a pathos and a sweetness that’s undervalued in lieu of pointing out its mere existence. Tara was really torn down by life and she deserved a better end than that. And to be replaced by the egregious Kennedy? No.

8. Juliet sacrificing herself by time-traveling time bomb, just as Sawyer was about to propose to her because she was his one real love after all (Lost)

Aw, Sawyer and Juliet. The ship that supposed to be a distraction to The Real Love Triangle, but that ended up being the most heart-wrenching part of it all. Sawyer and Kate were sexy as hell, but I feel that she and Jack were more well-matched in terms of narcissism and savior complexes, whereas Sawyer and Juliet were both damaged yet resilient in a way that worked. Even though we didn’t see it, they actually had the most success in forming a life together, and whatever residual feelings he had for Kate, it always felt true to me that Sawyer did truly love Juliet.

In my mind, Kate and Sawyer both lost their real soulmates and whatever relationship they had in the real world wouldn’t compare. I kind of saw them having a friends-with-benefits thing going on, and Kate will help him have a relationship with his daughter because he’s capable of that now, but will they settle down together? Nah. They’ll have to settle for dying happily ever after with their true loves.

7. Grown-up Etta Bishop dying shortly after being reunited with her parents (Fringe)

Oh, Etta Bishop. She ended up being the crux on which the entire tragic-but-seemingly-somewhat-chaste Polivia ship turned, because Fringe was never about sexiness or longing but more about family and sacrifice. The fact that Peter and Olivia lose Etta not once but twice and really can’t put themselves back together because of that is something so heartbreaking yet so real. Etta’s death stings less because Walter gave her back to them and gifted them a real happy ending, but this one still hit in the gut.

6. Jin and Sun end up dying together because neither of them can bear sacrificing the other and being separated again, thus ensuring their daughter will have to be raised by her evil grandfather (Lost)

Jin and Sun dying is my one true issue with the last season of Lost. I knew Juliet was dead and we couldn’t go back from that: I knew the writers would never answer any of the questions we asked. The we’ll-give-everyone-a-happier-fate-in-the-afterlife ending works for me. But why did both Jin and Sun have to sacrifice themselves? I know they weren’t destined for a satisfying fate, but Sun should have sacrificed herself so Jin could go home and raise their daughter, like he had once done for her.

It’s the one thing that still bothers me. I’m not that upset about the rest of it.

5. Carol Hathaway deliberately excludes Doug from the birth of their daughters, despite the fact that he has been trying to contact her for months, simply because she is still mad (ER)

Okay, this was the first ship that really broke my heart. I do realize that George Clooney left the show and was very busy and Margulies was still in negotiations at the time this episode was written and filmed, but I don’t care. This is by far the most hurtful things that transpires during their estrangement, and I go back and forth on whether it was worse than the emotional dagger Lorelai aims in Luke’s direction five minutes after they break up. I have to side on Carol’s actions being worse, because while Luke and Lorelai can build a life together and have a solid future without reliving the events of the past, you really can’t rewrite the birth of one’s children. Every birthday will be bittersweet: there will be no happy birth story to share afterwards. That part will always hurt.

4. The Red Wedding (Game Of Thrones)

Oh, man. The Red Wedding. It will live in infamy for its carnage and destruction, because it was so much worse than we were expecting. Like his father, Robb was pure, generous, and loyal: also, like his father, he paid the cost, and it wasn’t just him this time. Nothing will ever be quite as heartwrenching as Robb watching his pregnant wife slowly bleed to death.

3. Instead of calmly sitting down and discussing their relationship like a sane person, Lorelai decides to take questionable relationship advice from a therapist she just met way too literally and demand that Luke rectify their stalled engagement by marrying her right away or else, to hell with possible custody issues with recently acquired tween daughter. He doesn’t comply, and she runs off for revenge sex with Christopher, thus ensuring Luke will give up completely this time. (Gilmore Girls)

OK, I think my description there accurately conveys my feelings about this plot twist.

The thing is that I really can’t separate what happens here from the actions and the intentions of that one particular showrunner. Things get twisted in the last half of this season beyond any reasonable comprehension and I definitely regret knowing this much about the situation, but it’s evident that ASP got bored with this pairing that she expressed a vocal ambivalence towards and wanted to replace it with the one that was her personal favorite. She was also enmeshed in a  contract negotiation that she was losing, and what better way to express your ire towards the network than seeking to destroy your show beyond all possible repair? Hey, revenge isn’t just for Lorelai Gilmore, it’s a team sport!

In my heart of hearts, I just can’t believe that Lorelai would do what she does in the closing minutes of this episode. I used to be angry at her. Now I’m just angry at the situation being foisted on us.

As for the plot twist itself, this entire situation was completely avoidable if Lorelai had sought Luke out and sat him down and rationally discussed their situation in a reasonable manner. Yes, they did need to have that conversation, because his behavior was beyond unacceptable by this point, and if he refused to budge, maybe they would have broken up anyway. But running up and screaming at him in the street about purple wallpaper was not going to change anything, and there was too many practical issues at stake for him to do what she asked right at that point.

2. Jon Snow (aka the most perfect person who has ever existed on TV ever) suffering the worst of punctures by his own comrades. (Game Of Thrones)

Jon Snow. The death we tried to to pretend wasn’t going to happen for four years, before we face the ruinous catastrophe of our dead-eyed medieval emo heartthrob bleeding out before us. Jon Snow was the last good-hearted hero on the show: it was impossible to retain any hope once he was gone. 

Fortunately, after the most ridiculous press fake-out of all time, we got our boy back, and he may be immortal this time. Let’s hope. I can’t handle him dying again.

1. The double whammy of losing both Glenn and Abraham in a far more gruesome fashion than we anticipated, followed by half a season of our protagonists being cowered and beaten in a fashion that even a show about a zombie killing had never stooped to before (The Walking Dead)

When people talk about the massive exodus of viewers in the first half of this season of The Walking Dead due to the excessive violence, I think they miss the point. We had known for months and months that we were going to lose some beloved characters, not only because the show still has existing source material, but because the previous season ended with a cliffhanger. It wasn’t hard to figure out who we would lose, either. But the episode where we literally see two of our favorites get brutally beaten to the point where they resemble half-digested oatmeal was too much, even for a show that delights in killing zombies in the most gruesome fashion possible.

However, that’s not what drove people away, and that’s not what made the show hard to watch in a way that hadn’t existed before. The Walking Dead isn’t a great show or a masterpiece: it’s an earnest, often sentimental show about rednecks killing zombies. It’s fun to watch and follow along with and although it has always had its less successful moments, most of the time we’re safe believing that our heroes will triumph, even though we might lose some of them along the way. We lost that in early season seven because they were helpless to fight against a tyrannical leader who made them suffer worse than those slow moving armies of the dead ever could.

The show came back from that, and it actually became more enjoyable than it’s been in a couple of years. The show is still more popular than almost anything else on TV, but the degree by which it’s more popular has gone down considerably. I don’t think people really realize what a cultural phenomenon this show is, especially in the South: its something that almost everyone watches and obsesses over, because in many ways those are our guys, the dirty, unkempt, tactless people who resemble everyone we know. It’s why the aftershow is more popular in itself than many other TV shows, even at this late date: it’s a giant, rambling conversation that the show’s creator often gets lost in, because he’s only a slight part of the enthusiasm of the rest of us.

There’s joy and friendship and glee contained in that enthusiasm, and much of that is is borrowed from the show at its peak: it may be flawed, but there is much happiness and camaraderie and moments of pure victory to be snatched from it even when it occasionally stumbles. It’s not a depressing show. However, for a brief moment of time it was, and it became a mere tool in the eyes of its creator, and that was a tragic thing. Even at its worst moments, it should never be about that.