#xander is letting her take care of all the business stuff which is a huge part of why he has no clue what’s going on with the book ever

[babygirlgiles]

I think my fic where Xander accidentally becomes a successful novelist (largely without realizing it) is the funniest idea I’ve ever had. This guy started writing little stories to remember their adventures in Sunnydale (his last line in Chosen about “how will anyone even know about this unless we tell them” burrowed itself into my little archivist brain and won’t let go) and posts them online. He unintentionally goes viral. He thinks someone named Simon N. Schuster is leaving him voicemails. He ends up on the New York Times bestseller list.

He doesn’t even realize that everyone else thinks the stories are fiction. Xander is out here writing autobiographical non-fiction but everyone else thinks he’s a weirdly dedicated author that’s really committed to maintaining a Lemony Snicket style pseudonym/persona for the narrator of his novel. There are “Who Is Xander Harris?” articles. No one can dig up much of anything on him because he lived his whole life in a town that got wiped off the map. He keeps rejecting requests for interviews because of his stage fright. At first this drives his publicist absolutely ballistic but it just adds the the air of mystery that’s drumming up book sales so she lets it go.

He only responds to questions over email and only ever responds “in character” as his “novel’s narrator” and this baffles everyone, only adding to the supposed mystery. It’s literally not even Xander actually writing the emails 95% of the time. It’s Dawn. She has appointed herself as “Xander’s representation” even though she doesn’t really know what being someone’s representation means. She printed business cards.

[detectivejigsawpines]

A Pinesmas Carol-part 3 (Another family reunion)

This chapter might give you a few cavities. In the best possible way. It's definitely not the calm before the storm of impending doom or anything. Honest.

It was a bigger house than Stan was expecting, and very nice-looking, painted a comfortable dark green that reminded him a little of the trees back...back home.

Ford, who had taken the last turn driving, turned off the ignition, but for a minute Stan made no move to get out of the car.  His big hands felt clammy, and he began to wish he hadn’t eaten that breakfast burrito earlier because it felt like it was about to come back up-

A warm hand on his shoulder snapped him out of it.

“Come on,” Ford said softly, “Let’s go see everyone.”

Even though he felt a little reassured, Stan allowed Ford to take the lead, after they retrieved their bags, in going up the steps to the door and ringing the bell.

There was the sound of feet pounding, and suddenly Shermie was there and pulling Ford into a hug that combined some affectionate noogying and scolding that it was “about time you came to visit, you knucklehead!”

Stan and Ford were both on the tall side-they’d probably be the same height if Stan didn’t slouch so much-but Shermie was HUGE.  The top of his head was literally brushing against the doorframe, and his shoulders seemed broader than they were the last time Stan had seen him.  His hair was still cut shorter than theirs, and Stan was alarmed to see that it was going gray at the temples...but it was still Shermie standing there.

Shermie finally released Ford-and his jaw dropped when he saw Stan behind them.

Stan raised his hand, waved sheepishly.

“Hey Sherm-waugh!”

Shermie thundered down the steps and pulled him into a hug that literally lifted him off his feet.

“Ugh-Shermie-need air-release me-”  Stan tried ineffectively to squirm loose.

“No,” Shermie growled, only loosening his grip a tiny bit.  “Because if I do that I might try to strangle you.”

“...What’d I ever do ta you?” Stan asked, looking over his brother’s shoulder to his twin.  Ford gave him an equally confused shrug.

“Besides disappear for five years and make me worry myself sick wondering what happened to you?  Oh, not much.” Shermie at least allowed Stan’s feet to touch the ground again, but without releasing him.

Stan stared down at his brother’s sweater so he could avoid his eyes; it was dark green, with a cabled Star of David and a Christmas wreath interposed over each other, and the words “Celebrate ALL the good times!” underneath in gold.  It might have looked kind of tacky if it hadn’t been surprisingly well-knitted.

Probably Rebecca’s work.

“I’d gotten the message that I wasn’t wanted in the family until I’d made a fortune.”  As soon as the words left his mouth he groaned inside; great, now he was gonna make both his brothers feel bad, and this wasn’t the time of year for stuff like that-

“For cripes’ sake, Stan!”  Shermie pushed him back, gripping his shoulders and shaking him a little.

What is it with these guys and feelin’ the need ta shake me every time I say something that upsets them?

“Look at me,” Shermie ordered.

Stan lifted his head enough to indicate that he was listening, though still not meeting his eyes.

Shermie sighed.  “I guess I need to say this straight out so you’ll understand it, because I somehow haven’t made it clear to you before: You.  Are. My. Brother. I care about you, no matter what Pa said or did.  And if you ever disappear like that again I will personally hire a private investigator to track you down, even if I have to dip into Xander’s college fund to pay him.”

Stan’s shoulders hunched up almost around his ears.  “You don’t have ta-”

“Not if you don’t disappear I don’t.”  With that, Shermie slung his arm around his shoulders and towed him towards the house, snatching Ford under his other arm on the way.

****

“Speak of the devil, where is Xander?” Stan asked, looking around the house.  It was still in the process of being decorated for the holidays, he noticed; boxes of blue and white decorations were in the living room, and an unlit menorah sat on one of the tables next to the sofa.  There was also plenty of evidence that a five-year-old boy lived there: toys were scattered helter-skelter, a children’s book was lying open on the sofa, an assortment of dirty dishes had been left next to the sink by parents who were too exhausted by other responsibilities to clean them up right then and there.  The only thing missing was the actual five-year-old boy. And the boy’s mother, come to think of it.

“He and Rebecca are at the store getting some last-minute shopping done,” Shermie explained, taking their bags for them.  “You guys hungry? We made brisket for lunch and there’s a lot left over.”

“Sure.”

While they ate, Shermie asked them questions about what Gravity Falls was like and what they were doing there.

They’d put a lot of thought into how to answer this in the days before and during the car trip.  Because on the one hand, Shermie was on the whole a pretty chill, open-minded guy, so it was possible that he would believe them if they told him about their work with the supernatural.  On the other hand, it might be better to do it if he came to their town in person, so he could see some absolutely incontestable proof; they could always have brought something from Gravity Falls to show him, but that created other potential dangers…

In the end they just told Shermie that Ford was studying different kinds of anomalies, keeping the details somewhat vague without making it seem too much like they were hiding something, and that Stan was working as a tour guide.

“I thought it was kind of a small town,” Shermie said with raised eyebrows when he heard the last part.

“Yeah, but there’s pretty interesting stuff if you know where to look for it,” Stan countered smoothly.

“Huh.  We’ll have to come up and see it during the summer or something.”  Then he seemed to hear his own words, and added hesitantly, “...If that’s all right.”

Stan looked over at Ford, deferring to him; he certainly liked the idea of Shermie and his family coming to visit, but it was Ford’s house.  It wasn’t up to him.

Ford toyed with his fork for a second, before smiling at him.  “That sounds great.”

****

Just as Stan finished cleaning the extra sauce from his plate with his bread, a door in another part of the house opened, and they heard voices, along with the rustling of grocery bags.

“I wanna carry it!  I wanna carry it!”

“No, I told you, it’s too heavy for-!  Alexander Hershel Pines, let go!”

Stan looked at Shermie with a raised eyebrow.  “Hershel?”

“It wasn’t my idea!” Shermie protested.  He stood up and left the kitchen, presumably to offer his wife some much-needed assistance.

Stan felt his nervousness rise up again.  Rebecca had always been nice enough to him, and when she met Ford for the first time she’d complimented his hands, endearing her to both of them forever...but it had still been a long time since they’d met.  And he hadn’t been a gross, greasy mullet-head criminal-

No.  No, he wasn’t like that anymore.  He showered on a regular basis now, he’d lost the mullet, he was clean and semi-respectable and maybe kind-of sort-of worth something to these people.  He still had to unclench his hand from around his fork as his sister-and-law and nephew came into the kitchen.

When the little boy saw them, he froze, eyes widening...and then darted behind his mother’s legs.

“Xander,” Rebecca sighed in a voice of fond exasperation as she put her bags on the counter, “those are Daddy’s brothers.  Remember, I told you they were coming today? You remember Uncle Ford, at least.”

Xander didn’t speak; he just peered around her at them, eyes wide and brown.

Stan waved at him, and smiled.  “Hey.” Out of the corner of his eye he saw Ford curling his hands, hiding his fingers, and sighed inwardly.  Even if it was kind of refreshing to see that he wasn’t the only one having insecurities about this.

“And that’s your other uncle, Stanley.”  Rebecca beamed at Stan, and came over to give him a hug as he stood up.  “We’re so glad you could make it.”

“Heh.  No problem.”  The words came out awkwardly, but she didn’t seem to mind as she hugged Ford next and tried to encourage Xander to say hi to his uncles.

It turned out that the guest room had two beds in it, so both of them were being put up in there.

“Heh, if these were bunk beds it’d be like the pawnshop,” Stan said, dropping his bag onto the bed he’d claimed, which was right by the window (old instinct of needing a possible escape route).

“Except better,” Ford replied.

“...Yeah, I guess so.”  Stan flopped onto the bed to try it out.  “Mmm, nice mattress. Real soft.”

Ford snorted.

“What?  It is.” He gave an exaggerated stretch, squashing his face into the pillow.

“You’re a goof.”

“Whatever.”

****

They went back downstairs soon enough; Ford offered to help Rebecca with dinner, and despite warning her that she might regret letting a guy who put dangerous chemicals in the fridge on a regular business hang around the food, Stan instead helped Shermie and Xander with putting up decorations.

“So what’re you even calling this whole shindig?” Stan asked as he wound a string of blue and white lights around the banister.  “Chrismukkah?”

“Yes, actually!” Shermie said with a grin.  “There’s plenty of other people who celebrate it too.”

Stan blinked.  “I had no idea that was a thing.”

“Yup.”  Shermie helped his son uncoil more lights and hand them to Stan.  “Okay, try plugging them in and see how it looks.”

It looked all right to Stan, but Shermie frowned and unwound them to tighten up a section that he thought was a little too loose.  And then he repeated the process two more times before finally declaring he was satisfied, leaving Stan rolling his eyes and singing to himself about sitting here like birds in the wilderness.

And to his surprise and delight, Xander giggled at the song, and gave him a shy smile.

Stan grinned back.

********

Believe it or not, Chrismukkah is actually a thing.

[maple-rose]

Hoshido Fam Headcanons

Hinoka used to have long hair. She cut it off when she took up the Naginata. Sakura kept her hair short to be like her sister. Ryoma kept his hair long to be like his father (plus it's just the samurai look). Takumi kept his hair long and in a ponytail to be like Mikoto (plus the ponytail keeps hair out of his face, he has no idea how Ryoma manages without putting his hair up, maybe the mask helps)

Hoshido sibs’ mother, Ikona, was a kind, but her body was frail.

Ikona knew Sumeragi was in love with Mikoto. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't jealous at all. But after getting assurance from Sumeragi that he didn't love her any less, she gave blessing to Sumeragi taking Mikoto as his second wife. The two became friends.

(warning: long post is long)

Ikona was a Kinshi Knight; back when she was younger and healthier she was quite the warrior. She wielded the Fujin Yumi, and everyone admired her form and grace. Reina used to be her retainer.

Corrin was about 3 years old when they came to Hoshido. Takumi had recently been born. At that point, Ikona's health was already declining, and Takumi's birth took a lot out of her. Mikoto helped her a lot raising Takumi, who was a rather attention-needy baby.

Corrin would follow Hinoka and Ryoma like a little chick. Hinoka got really attached to them, and would sometimes use them as a dress-up doll. Ryoma liked to show little Corrin all the cool places around the castle.

Ikona died from complications due to childbirth after giving birth to Sakura. On her deathbed, she asked Mikoto to please take care of her children for her.

On her deathbed, Ikona asked Ryoma and Hinoka to please take care of their younger siblings as well as Mikoto and her child. Hinoka was too busy crying her eyes out and begging her not to leave them to really listen to her. But Ryoma wiped away his tears and solemnly nodded.

Shortly after Ikona's death and before The Kidnapping, Sumeragi told Ryoma (who was around 13 at the time) about Corrin not being his child. Then he told Ryoma to "please take care of our family when I'm not there", especially Mikoto and Corrin, who might receive opposition from outsiders. Ryoma replied "What do you mean Father, you'll always be around" because he couldn't imagine his dad not being there. Sumeragi just smiled and patted Ryoma's head.

Ryoma was there when Sumeragi was killed and Corrin was taken away. But he was too frozen in fear to do anything. By the time he thought to take action, it was too late. Sumeragi's retainers and Hoshidan soldiers whisked him away to protect him from harm while he screamed at them to take him back to the battlefield. From then on he developed a sort of complex, blaming himself for not being able to do anything back then, which led to an obsession with getting Corrin back (he couldn't bring his Father back to life), because then he could forgive himself.

Everyone dealt with the aftermath differently. 

Ryoma became quiet, he idolized his father, so Sumeragi’s death hurt him the most; also he couldn't forgive himself for being useless, so he vent his frustration by training. He promised his father and mother (Ikona) he'll take care of his family, so he had to get stronger in order to do so.

Hinoka wouldn’t stop crying. She loved her father dearly, and she was mad the Nohrian’s took her sibling away, and mad at herself for being powerless

Mikoto was mourning the death of her husband and loss of her child. But she couldn’t show it in front of anyone. Instead, she had to be strong for the remaining children she promised Ikona she’d protect. 

The government needed someone to take charge since they lost their King. Mikoto had to step up to that role because Ryoma was too young. There was dissent among the court and public about her becoming the next queen, but she had to do her best to bear with it. 

Ryoma saw this. Realizing she was also suffering, and remembering his promise to Ikona, he went to Mikoto’s defense, and tried really hard to get the people to accept her.

Ryoma would often get hot-headed over this 

Mikoto was grateful for Ryoma’s help. And seeing Ryoma’s struggle with getting his emotion under control, she asked Kagero to teach Ryoma how to meditate

As Hinoka got older, she saw that Ryoma and Mikoto were trying to hold the family together. Knowing her gentle nature, Ryoma protected her from everything and she was starting to see the toll it was taking on him.

So one day, she decided to cut her hair, and told herself in the mirror that she would stop crying and start taking action. She decided to become a pegasus knight so she could fly to Corrin.

After Hinoka took up the Naginata, she was quite reckless. Mikoto was quite worried about her, but she still hasn’t accepted Mikoto as her mother, so she was quite obstinate and would argue with her saying things like “you’re not even my mom”

One day Hinoka heard soft sobbings from Mikoto’s room; the door was ajar, so she peeked inside and saw Mikoto crying over a picture of Corrin. Hinoka felt really bad and came to realize that Mikoto was suffering just as much as she was over the loss of Corrin. From then on she tried to be more sensitive and considerate of Mikoto’s feelings

Hinoka was the only sibling that Ryoma felt he could really open up to. He felt like he had to act as a role model for the younger ones, so he tries to never depend on them.

At the same time, Ryoma was the only one who knew Hinoka back when she was a crybaby. While everyone else admires her for her battle prowess and fiery nature, Ryoma still remembers when she would cry over the smallest things

Sometimes he teases her about it, and she would get all embarrassed or angry. But it’s not like she doesn’t have ammo of her own. Before Sumeragi died, Ryoma was pretty reckless and hotheaded and got into all sorts of trouble, and Hinoka has stories from those days

Reckless Hinoka caused Ryoma a lot of grief. He often ended up having to rescue her, or reassure Mikoto when she got worried. He would get mad at Hinoka and give her long lectures. Throughout the whole thing, Hinoka would keep quiet. She’s the only one who’s seen Ryoma actually angry, and is rather afraid of him.

They saw how each other changed and grew from the events of losing their parents, and share a special bond (which is why I think Conquest!Ryoma was most affected by the news of Hinoka’s “death”)

Takumi grew into quite the momma’s boy. He was pretty clingy when he was younger, but would never admit it when he got older.

Takumi was too young when his father died so he doesn’t have many memories of him. His older sibs and Mikoto would tell him stories of Sumeragi

When he was younger, Takumi wanted to be a swordsman just like his father and big brother. But after trying out the sword and watching Ryoma practice, he saw the huge gap in skill (even though he just started and Ryoma had been practicing for years) and decided to stop pursuing the sword. Mikoto suggested trying out the bow, and offered to teach him. He seemed to have a natural talent for it, and liked getting praised. He also liked the time spent with Mikoto

Ryoma tried his best to be a father figure to him, making time to spend with Takumi. But Ryoma was also a genius and a natural and seemingly good at everything he does, which Takumi can’t match. But unlike Leo, who tries his best to beat Xander, Takumi’s inferiority complex made him quickly give up at trying to beat Ryoma. Instead, he puts Ryoma on a pedestal, thinking that “my brother is amazing, nobody can be like him, so I don’t feel bad that I can’t be like him either”. He treasures his time with Ryoma as well, and likes the fact that he is Ryoma’s only little brother (that is, until (male) Corrin decides to come home)

Takumi respects Hinoka, but not quite the same degree as he has for Ryoma. Often he doesn’t understand her drive for this “Corrin” sibling he’s never met, and they get into arguments a lot. But then she often gets worried about him when he stomps off in anger and makes sure to make up with him (often with a peace offering of food)

Sakura also sort of has an inferiority complex as well, being the youngest and really shy. But instead of giving up like Takumi, she thinks she always needs to do better

She respects Hinoka and admires her drive and fighting prowess. Ryoma would tell her stories about crybaby Hinoka (and if Hinoka overheard, she would always bat at Ryoma to stop (with no avail)), but Sakura doesn’t really believe him.

She respects Ryoma a lot, seeing how much he’s doing for his family and country, and looking at how much she’s doing, she never feels like it’s enough. She also never knew her father, so Ryoma sometimes feels like a father to her.

Ryoma worries about her, but she would always smile and put up a wall of “I’m fine, you have a lot to worry about, so don’t worry about me”, and when she becomes like that, he’s unsure how to reach her. Instead he pats her on the head and says “well, let me know if you need anything” even though they both know she wouldn’t, because she’d feel like being a bother. Instead he makes sure Sakura’s retainers take good care of her, or sometimes asks his ninjas to secretly check up on her.

Maybe because she’s the youngest or maybe because he sees her always doing her best, but Ryoma kind of dotes on Sakura. Whenever he travels somewhere for any reason, he would bring back a box of local sweets for her, which would always delight her.

Sakura is Takumi’s ear when he wants to complain about stuff, esp when he becomes sick of hearing about Corrin. He sees Sakura as an ally who also doesn’t know or care about Corrin.

Sakura actually is very curious about Corrin and wants to meet them. But she knows not to say anything when Takumi is ranting, and just smiles and offers him a sweet.

Takumi is actually pretty overprotective of Sakura. It’s his only chance to be a big brother and he likes to exercise it whenever he has the opportunity to. If anyone makes Sakura cry, they’re going to face the wrath of Takumi.

Sakura liked to hear stories about Ikona, but Takumi refuses to listen to any, saying “Mikoto is my mother, she’s the only mother I know”. Mikoto felt happy hearing that, but also a little sad and he would never get to know Ikona.

When Azura arrived at Hoshido, she looked like a doll, her eyes lifeless.

Ryoma tried his best to get her to open up. He took her to festivals, put all sorts of food in front of her, but she acted disinterested

This was before Hinoka decided to take up the lance. When she first met Azura, she said “you’re not Corrin.” Ryoma berated her for saying that, but Azura just stared back at her blankly. Hinoka tried, awkwardly, to share her dolls with Azura, to no avail, and Hinoka quickly gave up

Takumi was too young to really understand anything, but he would instinctively cling more to Mikoto every time he sensed Mikoto gave Azura attention.

Eventually, with Mikoto’s coaxing, Ryoma’s persistence, and general calmer environment, Azura started to relax and open up. She still acted distant, but at least she started to smile.

Takumi never learned to trust her though, always suspicious of her as he learned of her Nohrian origin

Hinoka tries to dote on Azura (taking her shopping or to festivals), perhaps to make up for being mean to her when they first met. Azura would smile and accept her kindness. They sometimes practice using lances together.

It took Sakura a long time to properly start talking to Azura; she was intimidated by her aloof aura. But once Sakura got over her shyness, the two actually became pretty close. Sakura loved to hear Azura sing and would often ask her to sing her to sleep. Azura liked to tease her with scary stories.

Mikoto’s death affected everyone differently

Ryoma stayed calm during the event, barking out orders to evacuate the citizens and deal with the enemy threat. He had become really good at keeping his emotions in check, but if you looked closely, you could see his hand shaking. After the event, he went to his parents’ (Sumeragi and Ikona) grave and apologized for not being able to keep his promise to them. He cried later in the privacy of his room.

Hinoka’s knees gave out and was in a daze. Ryoma had to snap her out of it a couple of times to not get killed by the enemy. Tears streamed down her face as she fought; she tried not to let anyone else see and kept wiping them away, but they saw anyway. Afterwards, she was solemn. She reflected on and regretted all the mean things she said to Mikoto. She would often go fly on her pegasus, letting the wind dry her tears.

Takumi openly wailed and kept trying to go to Mikoto’s body, his retainers had to pull him back. He also tried to shoot Corrin, and Ryoma had to physically stop him. Afterwards, he took it pretty hard; he was closest to Mikoto. He blamed himself for not being there to protect her, but then started channeling all his feelings into hostility towards Corrin.

Sakura managed to hold it together during the event. She was crying the whole time, but kept calm and did her duty. The number of injured citizens probably distracted her. But afterwards, she was inconsolable for many days, refusing to eat or leave her room. It was the first time she really lost anyone close to her (since she doesn’t remember her birth parents). Hana stayed with her the whole time and let her cry on her shoulder.

Azura was busy trying to calm down Dragon Corrin during the event. Afterwards, she mourned Mikoto in private, but was her usual aloof self in public. So much so that Takumi lashed out at her saying “why don’t you care that our mother is dead?!”

Corrin blamed themselves, even though Azura and Kaze assured them it wasn’t their fault. They felt guilty seeing Sakura and Hinoka cry, and tried to avoid Takumi, who was constantly glaring at them.

Well, that ended sad. I have more hc about these dorks, but I think this post is already too long as it is.