#wrote the date on the post and immediately aged 2 years from how long it took me to get to these 😭💀

[secret-code]

》 soomin » rising 230219 facecam ♡

[xoxiu]

twinkle - ot7 x reader

chapter 01 table of contents masterlist

summary: she had just wanted attention, that’s why she kept texting the strange number, updating him on everything in her life. little did she know how dangerous this relationship actually was. it had been jimin’s idea to kidnap the girl, but the ability to travel across the world to actually do it had been all hoseok’s doing. convenient how some things work, right? they knew that they were destined to have their baby with them, whether she wanted it or not.

tags/warnings: kidnapping, forced age regression, spanking, noncon, mafia au, drug use, stockholm syndrome, caregiver!bts, little!reader, nonsexual, diapers, panic attacks, fluff and angst, sickfic, referenced child abuse, unrequited love

a/n: i wrote this fic in 2018 on ao3 and wattpad, but im putting it here for archival reasons ♡

They had used a burner phone to talk to the girl, not wanting to risk her tracing the number back to one of them. It had been Jungkook's idea; he found the girl's Instagram page, where she frequently posted pictures of herself, her dogs, and her friends. A quick DM and an hour later, Jungkook got her phone number and the two were texting daily.

He found out so much about the girl: her name was Ophelia, she lived in a small town in America, her dogs were named Gengi and Jingob, she had a younger brother named Henry and a 6-month-old sister named Rose, her father was Korean and her mother was Israeli. She had naturally dark, curly hair, but she frequently bleached and straightened it (right now it was an adorable baby pink). When she was born, her mother wasn't together with her father, so she was named Ophelia Felicite Potter, but her father forced her mother to change her name to Ophelia Lynn Park once they had officially started dating three months later. Henry, her little brother, was in Junior High, and Ophelia always drove him to school, since their town was so small that their Middle School, High School, and Community College were all in one building. 

Eventually, the rest of the boys began talking to her. All seven of them were pretending to be one person, a 19-year-old named Ian. Of course, Ophelia believed everything 'Ian' said. She had told them that she never had a boyfriend before, and absolutely loved the attention she was receiving for the first time. Even though she was still young, naive, and too trusting, she was still smart- both academically and morally. Whenever 'Ian' asked for nudes, she refused, which both pissed off and pleased the boys.

It was important that Ophelia never found out who they truly were. At least, not yet. The boys were heirs of one of the biggest mafia rings in South Korea, and they all knew that if the girl found out, the fake number would be blocked immediately. Even though the seven of them weren't important members in the business- their fathers and older brothers were more active than them, they were more of the poster kids- they were still expected to keep certain things private in order to keep them safe and their fathers in power. 

They decided that Ophelia would be one of the things they kept private.

'i have a surprise for you in an hour!! :D'

God, the kid was so cute. Seokjin looked down at the phone as the text alert caused the coffee table to gently vibrate. He smiled as he sent his reply.

'Why can't I have the surprise now?'

A moment later Ophelia's reply pinged.

'i'm in class right now and im fairly certain you dont want calculus as your surprise'

'Alright, I'll wait. Do your schoolwork.'

'dont tell me what to do love u xxx'

Seokjin smiled again and put the phone in his pocket. It was currently three in the morning in Seoul, so two in the afternoon Ophelia's time. She gets out of school at 2:25, so it wouldn't be long before Jin received the 'surprise' Ophelia was talking about. 

Jin idly played on his own phone, waiting for another text from the girl, when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. He turned his head towards the noise to find Namjoon approaching him.

"Hyung, what are you doing up?" Namjoon asked, voice deep and rough with sleep. In the back of his mind, he knew he was texting Ophelia, but if something important had happened he wanted to know. 

"Ophelia's getting out of school soon and she has a surprise for us." Namjoon hummed in response. He never was as obsessed with Ophelia as the other boys, but he had talked to her quite a few times. 

Jin grabbed Namjoon's hand and guided him to lay on the couch with him. Namjoon immediately curled into his boyfriend, breathing in the lingering scent of his cologne. One of Jin's hands began stroking the younger's hair while the other continued aimlessly scrolling through his emails. 

Namjoon quickly fell asleep again, and the burner phone pinged soon after that. Jin carefully took the phone out of his back pocket, trying not to wake his sleeping beauty, and became excited as he saw Ophelia had sent a picture message. He quickly opened the messaging app and cooed at what the girl had sent. 

She had sent a mirror picture of her in a dress. The dress was a flowing red ball gown with gold accents on the waist. Ophelia looked absolutely beautiful in it, and Jin quickly saved the picture to send to his real phone. 

'prom is in a month and i really wish i could go with you. what do you think of this dress? someone told me this shade of red suits me but idk'

Prom. Ophelia would be going to prom with someone other than Jin or one of the other boys. While one of them taking her was unrealistic and impossible, it still pained him to think that it wouldn't be him. 

'You look stunning. I wish I could see it in person.'

'<;3 :)'

Jin put the phone back on the table, smiled, and closed his eyes. He was absolutely whipped.

Once the rest of the boys woke up, the dress was the main discussion at breakfast.

"I think she looks adorable in it," Taehyung said, "Just look at her face in the picture- it's obvious she's in love with it, too."

"But its too mature for her! It shows off too much!" Jimin said, his voice distressed. 

"Jimin, she's not our baby yet. Once we have her then you can decide what is and isn't too big for her," said Namjoon. 

For the past month, they had been preparing a plan to bring Ophelia to Korea with them. They wanted her to be their Little, and them be her Daddies. Some of them were more excited than others (Jin and Jimin were both ecstatic about this), but all of them had warmed up to the idea. Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung had gone crazy over putting together a nursery and clothes shopping. It had been easy to find childlike clothes in Ophelia's size, including a car seat, since Ophelia was rather small for her age. 

They had decided what they would be called almost as soon as they got the idea of Ophelia being a Little. Namjoon and Jin would be the main caregivers, with Namjoon being Appa and Jin being Eomma. Yoongi and Jimin would also be her caretakers, Yoongi being Daddy and Jimin being Mommy. Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jungkook would be less of caretakers and more of playmates, but they still wanted to spend time with Ophelia. 

Luckily, they had a business meeting in America in two weeks, which would be relatively close to where Ophelia lives (thanks to careful mapping done by Jungkook), so they could take her and bring her home with them with ease. The boys knew Ophelia would have a much better life with them.

[therebelcaptainnetwork]

Hi, I have two questions I thought y'all might be able to answer for me! First of all, how old is Cassian really? I know when Rogue One came out he was supposedly 26 but now with Andor I'm not so sure...

Second, what's the origin of the ship name Rebelcaptain? I think it's absolutely hilarious but I'd love to know from someone who was there when it was created and why! Also, I assume Rebel refers to Jyn and Captain to Cassian?

Thank you so much for taking to time to anwser my nerdy questions - it's really appreciated! And keep doing what y'all are doing - It's awesome :)



Thank you! Welcome to the fandom, and we're glad you're enjoying TRCN ����

Sadly, we're not able to give a definitive answer to either of these questions. The response still got very long, so the rest of it is below a cut...

1) The "RebelCaptain" ship name

The first teaser trailer for Rogue One was released in April 2016. Most fans assume that the "rebel" part came from Jyn's iconic line (which ironically didn't make it into the final cut of the movie): "This is a rebellion, isn't it? I rebel." However, Cassian isn't referred to by name or title in that trailer, so the "captain" part must have come from supplemental promotional materials. 

The earliest stories tagged "rebelcaptain" on AO3 are dated June 2016, but they're orphaned, so we don't know who wrote them. (It's also possible that they were edited sometime after posting to include that tag.) Tumblr's search feature is useless for this purpose, of course, and Google Trends isn't much help either; there's no obvious peak and a few outlier searches long before Rogue One was even in production which muddy the waters. Once the film itself was released in mid-December 2016, the term seems to have taken off immediately.

So if any fan remembers exactly where/when the ship name started or can take credit for coining it, they should step up!

2) Cassian's age

Short answer: it depends which source you choose; long answer: neither age makes perfect sense, so who the hell knows.

Although no ages are given onscreen, when Rogue One was released, Cassian was stated to be 26 and Jyn 21 in official tie-in sources like the Ultimate Visual Guide. (Even at the time, plenty of fans felt that was ridiculous given the actors' ages.) Cassian was also given a few scraps of backstory (born on Fest, Separatist family, etc); if you're curious, images of the relevant pages are at the end of the post.

Then Andor Season 1 came out, and Cassian's backstory was completely altered. Now he's considerably older, likely to avoid (then) 39-year-old Diego Luna playing someone supposed to be in his early 20s. The current Wookieepedia article has a decent rundown of the cumulative evidence for his age in the film now being 33.

This was a controversial choice among longstanding fans, because it significantly delays Cassian's commitment to the Rebellion and makes his statement in Rogue One that he's "been in this fight since [he] was six" much more ambiguous.

Here are a couple of Tumblr posts with fandom reactions:

[fictionalurl]

ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

(as usual, I just did all of them instead of soliciting asks)

1. How many words have you written this year?

You know, I don't know! My published works come out to like 57k, I think, on a quick tally, but I have at least half that again in unfinished works sitting around. A lot of them date back to a long time ago and have work done this year that falls more under "tweaks" than "adding word count," so it's tough to tell.

2. How many works did you publish this year?

Eight, not counting some I later unpublished because they were bad. Mostly they came in bunches when I was on specific antidepressants. If I were in that state of mind all the time, I can't even imagine how much more it might be.

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

As far as published works go, probably queen of secrets, which is both evocative in the way I like and actually ties itself up with a bow at the end, which I haven't managed in any other work, really.

4. What work of yours has the most hits?

My one explicit fic (on a different ao3 account) has 3500 in a shockingly short period of time. Well, only shocking when you don't normally write explicit fic. Just how it goes, I guess.

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

None of them really, to be honest, but perhaps my Lena/Jess rarepair fic, which I would love to expand upon. (I actually have many words of a followup fic already written; the trouble is, they aren't going anywhere since I don't have a plot concept.)

6. Favorite title you used

but she likes the way you sing, a song lyric that means something entirely different in context than it does as a title from a song that doesn't directly apply, but has the right vibes.

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

I don't, really. And when I do it tends not to be from songs or artists I'm super obsessed with or whatever, at least so far.

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

Supercorp... but, being the kind of person who doesn't usually experience the original media for the fics I read, that's more a product of what the community creates and what I'm therefore inspired to riff on.

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? 

Not a romantic pairing, but the concept of Alice and Emma from DBH meeting each other immediately wrote itself into a 13k fic without me having to do much of anything. (I want to write an Alice/Emma romance fic with them grown up now, like in college or something, not because I have an actual idea for that, but because they're so distinct in my brain now).

In general, that's my favorite way to write: a single "hey, what if X" premise that leads to a lot of other connections one can draw.

10. What work was the quickest to write?

Hah—none of them. I take ages to write anything. Well, sort of: I have a bunch of WIPs that were basically straight off the dome, but none of them have endings, because I have trouble getting back into the mental place that they came out of in order to continue them.

11. What work took you the longest to write?

My currently-75000 word original work, naturally. On a per-word basis, probably see the thorn twist in your side, which has a really distinctive and terse writing style that I initially was writing on my phone (slow) and then was agonizing over trying to keep producing (also slow).

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

Like 20. In the past month I've started to feel like none of them are finishable, but that may be a product of my mental state, so we'll see.

13. What’s your longest work of the year?

Published: my Alice/Emma fic, which is a bit weird to me because it feels shorter than queen of secrets. My guess is that as you get better your word count naturally inflates a bit unless you're specifically doing something where that wouldn't be the case?

14. What’s your shortest work of the year?

This question reminded me that I have a triple drabble that I could post, so I did (and then updated question #2). Other than that:

it just so happens to be the cyberlife model that is the very best in the world at making believe.

...a random unposted-but-complete mediocre DBH piece that's like 1.1k.

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

As mentioned, I have a lot of them but none of them feel completable in my current mental state. I absolutely have to finish see the thorn twist in your side, though, because the parts I have are just so, so good that it would be a shame not to share them. Too bad I hate works with endings worse than their middles and it's super difficult to write.

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Apparently "fluff," but it's a count of four, so I don't think that actually counts. I don't have enough fics or tags to actually have any patterns.

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

Probably the slightly sassy ones: my versions of Emma Phillips and Jess Huang (who both have approximately two canonical lines, because that's how I roll). My OC Cassandra, who you can read in my posted GW2 WIPs, would count if I'd written her this year.

Well... maybe my favorite characters to write are actually the characters from my longest original work WIP, because they're most like me (thoughtful and gentle and getting absolutely nothing done).

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

Jess Huang, who in a sense doesn't exist, arguably takes the cake as having torpedoed the fic sequel the most people want. But I just have nothing on that one. As far as effort put in goes, Shae from see the thorn twist in your side probably takes the cake. I promise I'll finish that eventually so you can see what I'm talking about.

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

I have a Quinn/Rachel (yeah, from Glee) WIP. No, I haven't seen that show either. Furthermore, I've read the wiki extensively and the version of their relationship I'm trying to go for (kinda toxic post-show) isn't canon, so all I'm going to be able to go off of for inspiration is fanfics written mid-run. Kinda painful.

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

I've reread caramel/sugarplums and queen of secrets so many times it would be extremely embarrassing to actually admit out loud. Double digit times on both, most likely. Hey, I know what I like, and when I manage to create it, well, I've created exactly what I like. I try to feel proud of that.

21. How many kudos in total did you get this year?

718, says the stats page. 99% on supergirl fics, of course, because fandom size is a thing.

22. Which work has the most comments?

queen of secrets, because it's my best supergirl work, so I mean I hope it does.

23. Did you do any collaborative works this year?

No! I don't really know anyone who... is into any of the things I'm into and does writing stuff much yet? And also that sounds extremely difficult? But it sounds like a really cool thing in theory.

24. Did you write any gifts this year?

Kind of; I only put a bunch of time in to finish a certain fic because a friend was like "lesbians? 👀" a ton of times, and that's the one time I've really experienced external enthusiasm for my work firsthand. So that one was a gift, though not in every sense since the specifics of the work weren't tailored to them (I met them after writing most of it, after all).

25. Did you receive any gifts this year?

Nope!

26. What’s your most common category?

F/F or gen.

27. What do you listen to while writing?

Absolute silence. I cannot get into a fictional world while having anything else to pay attention to. In the dark under a blanket or bust.

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

Same as #3 since I wrote it this year. Although... honestly, my Alice & Emma fic might be as good or better?

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Oh boy, uh. Hm. People liked the "little shimmers of ice dissipate off of it and descend slowly around both of them like the winter's first snowfall" line, and that scene is decent, but... man now I have to go think about this. It's definitely a STTTIYS line. That whole thing is basically 500 contenders for this back to back.

"I wouldn't have been able to tell… what?" carter knows, already, but she needs to hear it.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

That I did it at all! I haven't followed through on a single thing in my entire life up to this point, so, like, hitting that publish button is. Wild.

[merrock]

CHARACTER INFORMATION

face claim: Jeremy Allen White

full name: Matty Foster

nickname(s) / goes by: Foster

pronouns & gender: he/him & cis man

sexuality: heterosexual

birth date: September 21, 1992

birth place: Merrock, ME

arrival to merrock: just returned after leaving town at age 18

housing: a one bedroom apartment in historical downtown

occupation: line cook

work place: taste

family: Father, Doug Foster (estranged, ailing); Mother, Eliza Foster (deceased, 1994); Older sister, Anna Foster (deceased at age 3, 1993)

relationship status: single

PERSONALITY

Foster's immediate vibes are 'misunderstood, sad soft boy,' and that's not entirely by accident. That's not to say it isn't often how he feels, but he is well aware of the way it can disarm people and work to his advantage. Due to his past, there’s something inherently wounded and vulnerable about him, but he also has some pretty serious trust and inferiority issues, which means he’s very seldom entirely honest. He’s good at reading people, and puts forward the image of what he thinks a person is looking for. He wants to be needed and loves to be loved, but he’s not someone who’s likely to put his heart on the line.

WRITTEN BY: Molly (she/her), pst.

BACKGROUND / BIO

triggering / sensitive content: post-partum psychosis, infanticide, suicide, abuse.

Matthew Foster was the second-born child to the Chief of Police of Merrock, Maine and his homemaker wife. The couple had previously welcomed a daughter, Anna, into their lives 2 years earlier, and with the birth of their son, they felt as though their family was finally complete. It was a perfect picture that didn’t last long, however, as Mrs. Foster suffered from post-partum psychosis, and when Matty was only 8 months old, her paranoia culminated in her killing Anna and attempting to do the same to her son before the chief came home and was able to intervene. Mrs. Foster was committed and received psychological treatment, but despite all the help, the horror of what she had done was too much to overcome. 10 months later, she took her own life, leaving only Matty and his father behind.

The chief was not a particularly kind or doting man by any means, but considering it was Matty’s birth that ultimately unraveled his family, the man’s mood towards his son generally wavered between resentment and outright hostility. The only love and care the boy received was from the nanny his father hired, and once he was deemed self-sufficient at the age of 12, it was decided that expense was no longer worth the money.

As such, Foster spent most of his teenage years neglected and fending for himself. He acted out in all the typical teenage ways as a cry for help, which only provoked his father’s ire further and led to physical beatings as well. No one wanted to believe the worst of the town’s chief of police, so they wrote Foster off as a no-good rebellious teen.

Foster left town the day he turned 18, not even finishing high school. He headed west with no real plan for his life, other than getting the hell away from his father.

He thought about maybe joining a band, but he wasn’t particular good at music — instead he hitched a ride with some guys touring the country, and acted as their roadie.

He followed the band all the way to California before deciding to try his hand at standing still. He got a job working the graveyard shift at a shitty 24-hour diner, and it was there that he discovered his true love for food and cooking.

He stuck around for a couple years before deciding to travel the world, working in various kitchens and learning everything he could along the way.

He was just called back to Merrock with the news his father had suffered from a series of strokes. Despite the hell the man had put him through, Foster didn’t feel like he could live with himself if he didn’t come back to make sure the man was taken care of. Plus, he was starting to feel like it was time to settle down for good.

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

22 April 2023 Saturday 1:03 am pt

Incubus is threatening me not to put up 🆙 my intaglio print picture here. It’s on my Instagram. He is burning 🔥 my vag. Benny blanco put up 🆙 that song 🎵 on his post George Michael. Michael sounds like my kill. 1:06 am pdt no one seems to care though. I haven’t seen any progress towards resolution. Only threats to tear me apart. I wish I never dated Scott. He wasn’t worth getting to know for me Bcz I don’t like 👍 him now. Hot 🥵 above right ear 👂. If they’re threatening me what is it they’re afraid 😱 of? That people will believe me? Bcz my print was made between fall 2007 and spring 2008? And Amar Malik article said July 2010? 1:10 am pdt it would (left hip bone 🦴 pain) point it in my favor slightly but no one likes me so no one will do anything to help me... so? 1:11 am pdt

1:13 am pdt stereo hearts 🥰

1:14 am pdt never going to dance 💃🏻 again Bcz my hip bones 🦴 etc are being taken away. 1:15 am pdt

1:17 am pdt do you think stereo hearts 🥰 sounds like it was written by a girl 👧 or a guy? I would like to see a poll on this. If you didn’t know who. Wrote it. Curious to know what others think 💭 only for experimental purposes. 1:19 am pdt

1:20 am pdt I want (back pain sharp) my bones 🦴 back and my youthfulness! My health. I don’t care about the money 💰! 1:21 am pdt 😞😖😭 1:22 am pdt I want this nightmare to be over!

1:23 am pdt I want to be able to work hard again without consequences such as losing my bones 🦴 and brain 🧠! 1:24 am pdt 😫😤😰

1:25 am pdt incubus attacked my skull 💀 and probably brain 🧠 today from trying to walk 🥺😖😭 1:26 am pdt

1:29 am pdt years and years of postponement and unfulfilled promises so a lot of stuff I won’t believe until I see results. A lot of stuff is like in reruns. 1:31 am pdt my hotel 🏨 is not giving us extra recycling and compost bins... 🤷🏻‍♀️ Nothings changed. Composting should be mandatory everywhere. 1:32 am pdt

1:33 am pdt acid throat pain no tengo dinero. It’s too bad Travis McCoy didn’t become a millionaire. Wait did Bruno Mars? Did either of those guys do stuff in the billionaire song 🎵? Who can I ask for money 💰? 1:35 am pdt Benny Blancos post literally day after my birthday 🎂 so it looks intentionally dedicated to me about not being able to dance 💃🏻 again. 1:36 am pdt and Amar Malik has some weird posts with a pink liquid spill. Rose 🌹 Rosa pink . Shana = beautiful, rose 🌹, Lilly 1:38 am pdt right arm acid throat too

1:41 am pdt incubus pointed something out to me days ago. It sometimes hard to think 💭 when I can’t breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ and fighting for my life. So it’s okay 👌 if I’m a whore and it’s my fault 🤦‍♀️ Bcz I shouldn’t have dated me for I don’t remember how long how many days but I don’t think 💭 it was more than 2 months. Some people say by the third month you will know if something will become long term? I don’t really remember spending July 4 th with Scott in 2007. Trying to remember but it’s hard. I used to keep everything. But I was bad at putting dates on drawings ✍️ in my sketch ✍️ books 📖. I guess it was my fault 🤦‍♀️. I don’t have a lot of experience with dating. I guess I never learned until Q said it’s supposed to work immediately. But that was after s*x with Scott. I was trying to see if people would grow on me. I was better off hearing the advice b4 not after. My parents are divorced and they have a huge age gap. My parents were pen 🖊 pals. But I guess my dad rushed my mom Bcz he was already very old. He wanted/needed to have babies 👶 ASAP I guess. They tried to make it work. They weren’t the right fit unfortunately. 1:51 am pdt teeth 🦷 pain 1:52 am some times you just bite the cookie 🍪 5 year engagement. My dad had a fiancé who was stolen by another man 👨, so he had bad luck. 1:53 am pdt my dad wasn’t rich 🤑 I think the other man was? 1:54 am pdt

2:21 am pdt while I was at UCB my eczema on my hands 🙌 got worse so I stopped printmaking. 2:22 am pdt I didn’t do printmaking my second year and beyond. 2:23 am pdt

2:37 am pdt incubus is extremely biased and extremely WRONG 😑. He or she is vilifying me about dating Scott. I was attracted to him too much. And I wanted it to work out 🏋️‍♀️ I wanted to like 👍 someone I was attracted to. But I guess it was too dangerous a situation and I didn’t realize it. Bcz it was hard for me to say no even though I wanted to and meant to say no, he physically didn’t allow me to say no. He physically stopped 🛑 me from responding and went for it. 2:41 am pdt that was probably only the second or third time we hung out even though I don’t remember anymore I think 💭 I used to think 💭 I remembered it being very early on. Too early. Bcz I wanted to say NO Bcz my heart ❤️ wasn’t there yet. But he said he could feel I wanted to. Duh 🙄 that’s hormones. But he is probably trying to lie (acid head pain 2:44 am pdt) and twist it into saying he was in love with out saying it then, but twisted it for later when he wanted to make me look 👀 bad. Bcz he didn’t want people to know what happened exactly. I already told him I don’t think 💭 we should be doing this, but he challenged me. It’s not ok 👌 to challenge a woman 👩���. If she says no respect ✊ it. 2:47 am pdt

2:48 am pdt at least I verbally said b4 the s*x a very long no. Acid lips 👄 pain b4 I typed. Acid brain 🧠 pain.

2:50 am pdt I seem to be punished for this. I move to ban lap dances from strip clubs . If I’m being punished acid brain 🧠 pain for that then I will be saving every strippers life by warning ⚠️ them this is what they are like. They will eat your brains 🧠 with acid if you don’t claim responsibility for any rape that occurs after lap dancing 💃🏻. If Scott is punishing me then you are warned. He likes teenagers. Teens at my high school 🏫 rubbed their butts on guys crotch in dances. They didn’t get raped? 2:54 am pdt

2:58 am pdt I guess it’s true. I’m going to die Bcz of Scott cano. Bcz they blame me for stuff they tricked me into doing. 2:59 am pdt men are messed up and 😧. 3 am pdt they are not safe (stomach pain) to be alone with or to conduct business 👨‍💼 with. Unfortunate. 3:01 am pdt

3:04 am pdt I will repeat 🔁 myself Bcz now there are too many posts 😑. Women only desire p*nis. Adequately sized. P*nis. Nothing else would satisfy a woman 👩🏼! But we don’t know what men will try to put their p*nis. Into a pie 🥧 or a sheep 🐑? 3:07 am pdt

3:09 am pdt if people like Amar Malik more than me then I guess there’s nothing I can do. They want to award 🥇 him and not me I cannot do anything. 3:11 am pdt

3:11 am pdt in this weird world 🌎 now that is coming out it doesn’t seem to matter who had the idea 💡 first under what circumstances. Whether I forgot about specific things or I wasn’t made 100% aware of the truth and they messed around with my head a lot for a long time b4 telling me. 3:14 am pdt a lot of sharp back pain. I forgot a lot. No crossover. 3:15 am pdt all I thought 💭 was those guys were regular people like me and they were doing weird bad stuff to me. 3:15 am pdt

3:23 am pdt I guess I have to give up 🆙 Bcz god wants them to have what originally thought 💭 was mine. I thought 💭 about stuff for a while b4 I sang in the shower 🚿 in my apartment. Everything (acid hot pain left hip pain bone 🦴 difficulty breathing cruncher groin bone 🦴 3:26 am pdt I need to face the music 🎶 is that this a cruel joke on me😖😭😫 and that there is nothing else to this. There is no new earth 🌍 that we will all go to together. If there was, I would think 💭 that (pain cramp fart 💨 3::30 am pdt) anyone who has a growing family should go first. Hopefully 🙏 that it’s a quick trip! 3:31 am pdt please stop 🛑 hurting me please stop 🛑 taking my bones 🦴😫😖😭🥵🥵🥵🥵 3:32 am pdt

[mythiccheroacademia]

The whole time traveling children has me feelin some type of way tbh. Imagine Mirio, Kaminari, and Tamaki walking into their respective rooms and there are just small children vibing. Mirio with his daughter, Kaminari with a daughter and Tamaki with a son. 😭

as i said, parent!bnha is SUPERIOR

A/N: So, instead of making these separate asks, I’m just going to make it one giant post. I thought it would be easier that way. Probably the only post that’ll have more than three characters lol

Warnings: none

Kaminari Denki:

when kaminari walked into his room, he didn't expect to see two children on his bed fighting like wild animals

the younger girl was totally beating the boy’s ass tho

kinda embarrassing bc she’s gotta be like, seven, at most

as if it’s not the weirdest thing he’s seen (bc it’s not) he rushes in to break them apart

he manages to separate them with his arms 

the boy with yellow hair snaps his jaws at his sister’s fingers

“hey! bad! no biting!” he scolds

the little girl blows a raspberry and taunts “yeah! papa says no biting!”

the older sibling just rolls his eyes “rat”

meanwhile, denki is literally malfunctioning

papa?

PAPA? HUH???

the only person’s pants (and heart) he’s been trying to get in to for the past three months was y/n’s and he sure as hell would remember if he did

he didn't have kids

especially one that was his age

“sorry! you two are cute, but i’m not your pops”

thus, they begin to tell denki about how they mayhaps followed him and their mother into a dangerous mission and got hit with a time travel quirk

denki just nods his head

tbh, he’s not that weirded out

weirder things have happened

but, he does have one question

“who’s the lucky woman?”

coincidentally, you bust into his dorm room, wet from a recent prank and head steaming with anger

“Kaminari Denki!”

his son juts a thumb over to you

“the woman that’s about to murder you”

“oh say less”

his life literally couldn't get any better

before you get the chance to throttle him, the little girl jumps in your arms and your anger is immediately quelled 

“hey mommy! i just wanna let you know that it was [son’s name]’s fault that we followed you when you told us not to”

“WHAT!?”

you’re to busy trying to get them from killing each other to comprehend anything that’s going on

kaminari is in a love-struck gaze bc hot damn, he won the jackpot, huh?

if he wasn't in love with you before, he’s in love with you now

you and your feral children

it was nice being God’s favorite

Kirishima Eijirou: 

funny thing was

kirishima woke up from his afternoon nap with his mini-me in his arms!

at first, he was really confused as to why there was an 8 yr old boy with spiky teeth and (your hair texture) black hair on his bed

he thought he was dreaming

then the little boy bit his nose and grinned like he had done the funniest thing in the world 

“WAKE UP DADDY! WE GOTTA GET SWOL TODAY”

did he get hit with some duplication quirk?

and what was that he said...daddy?

as in, father?

kirishima is wide awake now, but before he can ask the kid what’s going on, the boy is up and making use of his punching bag

he decides it wouldn't hurt to get a morning work out in, so he decides to humor the kid

after a mini workout, kirishima is in near tears as the boy tries to flex the little muscles he has 

eventually, he gets the kid to tell him what happened and finds out he was hit with a time travel quirk of some sort

instead of being weirded out, kirishima is ESCTATIC 

he has a family in the future 

he’s so excited and proud that he just has to show his son off to his friends!

the first thing he does is go and bother bakusquad in the common room

he’s bragging like shit to them and his ego swells as they all swoon over how cute and handsome the kid is 

you and bakugo come out of the kitchen to see what all the commotion is about and the little boy excitedly runs to you and jumps into your arms 

“momma! you’re here! you’re so pretty! why’d you marry daddy when he looks so unswol?”

it’s silent before bakugo fucking dies of laughter 

“y-you finally let shitty hair hit it? and got knocked up?? LMAO”

everyone’s dying and kirishima wants to die

he can’t believe this was how his long-term crush on you was getting outted

by an 8 yr old boy

so not manly

you look confused before you put the pieces together

the kid did look like you and kirishima

you want to console kirishima about the crush that you lowkey knew he had on you, but your son was one step ahead of you

with a gracious smile, he hits bakugo’s head

hard

“what the fuck kid!?”

“don’t make fun of daddy, uncle bakugo! at least daddy didn’t faint at his wedding″

Bakugo’s contemplating murder and everyone’s rolling on the floor

“WE BEEN KNEW YOU WERE THE BIGGEST SIMP”

even ten years later, bakugo still holds a grudge against your son

Togata Mirio:

i’m about to kill y’all w this one

since year one, mirio has been feigning over you 

but 1) you were too dumb to notice 2) you both were really busy with, y’know, school and 3) he lowkey gave up bc he thought you deserved better

so imagine his surprise when he sees this four year old girl on his bed

and she looks like you with his features

mirio might not be the brightest crayon in the crayon box

but he’s got eyes

and it wasn't like he’s memorized your features to the T

the tiny girl is swinging her legs absent-mindedly before exploding with happiness when he sees him

she runs to mirio and he catches her with open arms 

“daddy! daddy! i got hit with the coolest quirk at school today!”

proceeds to tell him about her best friend discovered her quirk and it was a teleportation quirk 

mirio can’t help but giggle along with her even tho he knew it was a scary situation for the parents

speaking of which...

he innocently asks her who’s the mom

“mommy is the prettiest mommy in the world! she has e/c eyes, hair like me, and the most beautiful s/c skin! her name is togata y/n!”

if he wasn't geeking before, he’s geeking now

not only did he manage to marry you, but you let him be your baby daddy?

him?

big bet

mirio doesn't even care at this point

he’s parading around UA with the fattest smile as he introduces his daughter to damn near everyone 

everyone’s freaking out bc wtf when did mirio get someone pregnant??

maybe he should've explained himself, but he sees you at your locker and makes a b-line for you

“good morning, y/n!”

he doesn't notice that you slam your locker close and hide the confession letter you wrote to him behind your back

you’re a stuttering mess and he’s too busy basking in the fact that he’s holding y’alls child 

y’all look like a mess

but he’s ready to lay it on thick when the little girl kisses your nose and cheers,

“mommy, i missed you”

he explains the situation 

you cant help but smile, “you know this could potentially ruin the timeline?”

and you feel like melting as he gives you the softest smile 

“there’s no way I’m letting that happen. not when i end up with the woman i’m in love with. we’ll just have to twist fate together”

and twist it you did

Tamaki Amajiki:

tamaki wasn't the bravest person ever 

and he knew his crippling anxiety got in the way of a lot

but he had never been more proud of himself for managing to invite you to his room

it was supposed to be a study date

despite how bold you normally were, he took comfort in how nervous you seemed 

now, you two were leaning in, about to kiss

and then a voice from behind interrupts 

“uh, am i interrupting something?”

you two let out the ugliest squeal and jump 50 feet away from each other 

you’re all over the place, trying to explain the situation

tamaki’s heart is barely beating at this point

it takes the kid, who looks about 16, about thirty minutes to calm you down and revive tamaki

explains that he’s from the future and a descendant of tamaki’s family

decides to leave out that you two are his parents so he doesn't risk possibly erasing himself from the space continuum 

that would be bad

despite how surprised you two were, you two take it rather well 

you three spend the day together bc you and tamaki feel this weird sense of responsibility for the guy even though he’s only two years younger

the boy is trying his hardest not to expose himself, but it’s so hard

you two are asking him everything from his favorite food to if he has any siblings

he’s good at pretending that he’s cool, calm, and collected, but he wants nothing more than to jump into his parents’ arms and cry about how scared he is of messing up

but he won’t 

bc he’s a strong boy

but he slips up

“how far are you down the future?” tamaki asks

“uh, about like 100 years or so--”

“you’re lying”

the kid nearly chokes on his food as his father blinks at him

you try and scold tamaki but he continues

“i don’t mean to be mean, but your nose twitches when you lie. y/n does the same thing”

that’s when the jazz record stops and everyone is staring at one another

“....wait”

this time, you nearly pass out

y’all had a kid together???

THE HELL??

the boy, coincidentally, starts fading and he thinks he fucked up

now he’s full out sobbing into the both of your chests, scared that he’s disappearing

despite the news, you and tamaki calm down, look at each other, and hold your son

“don’t you worry, baby” you coo, kissing his fading hair

“i have a feeling we’ll see you quite soon” tamaki comforts, closing his eyes

Bakugo Katsuki:

bakugo finally understood when his mom said

“the meaner you are to your parents, the nastier your kids will be to you”

he regretted being such a demon bc his kid was literally the spawn of satan

katsuki didn’t need an explanation to know that that...thing was his kid

he looked damn near identical to him with features that he couldn't quite place

but anyways, that wasn't the focus rn

rn, he was trying to figure out a way to keep that animal caged

as soon as katsuki took his eyes off him, the six yr old ran out the door as fast as his little legs could carry him

“catch me if you can, you old bastard!”

yup, it was his kid

“GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE FUCKER”

his son is blasting his way through the halls, skillfully evading Katsuki’s grabbing hands 

he’s wildly laughing as he flips and turns through the doors, watching with glee as his father falls on his face

multiple times

the small boy latches on to a cupboard and smirks

“no wonder mom always beats your ass! you weak!”

katsuki nearly looks like the devil, eyes white, and face red with fury

his pride suffering by the second

he’s about to cuss the kids to hell when you come out of the kitchen, confused

you were about to ask why katsuki looked like a rat with rabies before you caught sight of a basket of fruit teetering on the edge of the cabinet, above the little boy’s head

“look out--”

the basket falls on the kid’s head and he’s on the floor, reeling from the hit

katsuki would've normally laughed his ass off, but he felt kind of...concerned?

he watches you run towards the child who’s trying his hardest not to cry

the boy holds his head, fat tears in his eyes as you pick him up and coddle over him 

“i’m sorry, baby. I'm sorry i didnt get there in time” 

cue the waterworks 

the boy is full-on sobbing into your chest about how his head hurts

you bounce him and kiss his forehead as katsuki checks over the red bump 

“you’ll be okay, brat” he comforts, voice softer than usual

in that moment, katsuki can’t help but notice how much a family y’all look like rn

then the dots start connecting and he goes 

oh shit 

so, maybe, he’s had a tiny crush on you

and it didn’t help that you two were friends with benefits bc yall were horny teenagers

but who knew he’d get the balls to ask you out on a proper date one day

he was such a simp for you gosh it was ugly

“you have to be more careful from now on,”  you say to the boy 

the brat suddenly looks innocent and katsuki wants to throw him

“sorry, mommy. i’ll be gooder”

the look on your face is priceless 

bakugo uses it as a chance to kiss you 

“huh?”

“i guess now’s a good time to tell you that i want to be your dick on demand but with feelings and shit, dumbass”

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

There is a light at the end of the tunnel

Hello, Stuck. Sorry, I don’t know your real name.

I wrote this long ass post to bring some light into the fandom and between the CSs, and I hope you can post it? I’m new in the Tumblr world, but not in the 5H fandom. I don’t quite know how it works yet and, for the moment, I only know your blog and those of @emisonme, @karlaswine, @sun-to-my-luna, @underthatimpression, and @mentesimploria because, in one way or another, you’re all connected to each other. I just wanted to tell you guys how much I appreciate every single one of you, the passion you have, and the hope you keep alive among those who, like me, love the girls. Also, the patience you guys have, especially against the haters, is admirable. I love the fact that you keep going. Because this is your sacred place, as it should be.

This is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. I’m what can be defined as a ‘silent fan’. I never commented on anything in the girls’ posts, not even on the fan accounts I follow. I don’t have Twitter. I have Facebook but it’s like I don’t have it because I don’t use it. I have Wattpad (obviously). I recently registered here on Tumblr, and I have Instagram. That’s what I use. It’s the only app along with YouTube that I use daily to keep up with the rest of the world. Especially the American part of the world. I’m Italian, but I speak American English well, and I apologize in advance if my lazy ass hasn’t noticed possible grammatical errors. I saw that a lot of you are into this stuff, so I thought I’d add it just because. I’m a Capricorn Sun, Cancer Moon, and Virgo rising.

I’m gonna turn 29 on December 22, and this is a BIG fuck off to all the people who have attacked you lately for your age. This is personal information that I give freely to make ignorant and small-minded people understand that, in this context especially, age is irrelevant. As you, little fucker who hides behind a computer to attack people just to feel stronger, have a life, we have it too. Like you, we have a life, a job, friends, etc. We also have passions. Passions that yes, my dear haters, also include shipping people. I don’t know why in your stupid brain we’re too old to ship people we love and to give opinions about it. I didn’t know it was something reserved only for those who still smell like mommy’s milk. But anyway…

I became aware of 5H existence just before summer 2015 thanks to ‘Worth It’. Being Italian, however, I had no idea who they were, and to be honest, I didn’t go searching for them. Randomly one day then, I ran into Camren on YouTube. I can’t remember which video I was watching, but I know for sure it was about ‘Heya/Brittana’ (Heather Morris and Naya Rivera/Brittany and Santana, my very first hard LGBT ship). And among the suggested videos, there they are. As ridiculous as it sounds, and although I liked them as soon as I saw them, I didn’t go searching for them. I did it when ‘Work from Home’ came out though. From there, I connected that they were the same ‘Worth It’ group and the same two girls I liked from those YouTube videos. I had officially become a fan. I was screwed. Screwed because, I’d officially entered one of the most messed up and yet most beautiful fandoms ever.

As I initially said, this is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. But after the recent events, seeing how many people gave up, it made me a little angry and gave me the strength to speak for the first time. I thought the first time would’ve been through the fanfiction I’ve been working on for over two years, but no. Lauren and her beautiful mouth had to terrorize, disappoint, panic, and make angry 80% of CS, thus fueling the hatred of all the other fandom towards us. So I decided to speak now. Maybe, just maybe, this very long ass post of mine is gonna help struggling CS. Maybe, just maybe, it’s gonna make them reason and bring them to their senses.

So. This, as I think you’ve understood, is about Lauren and what she said in the podcast. This is a reminder of the Laucy situation. These are things we already know and that I want to remind you of because apparently, my lovely fellows CS, either you have a short-term memory, or Lauren has the power to create amnesia in people’s minds and I knew nothing about it. Surely this power of hers didn’t work on me and a few others.

Oh and, before starting: 1) You may disagree with me. It’s normal to have different opinions. 2) You can search for information such as dates, easily on the internet. 3) I’m gonna use nicknames on PRs for fun. That doesn’t mean I hate them. I have my reasons for dislike each one of them as people, but I can assure you it has nothing to do with the fact that they were or are the Camren beards. An example to make you understand what I mean is Ty. I’m a huge Ari fan and I’ve been listening to ‘safety net’ non-stop for two days straight. I really dislike Ty as a person, but I separate the art from the artist.

Okay, that said, I can start.

Lauren said: “I knew I was queer because I fell in love with my best friend when I was like 15.” – “Her and I started to have a physical connection when I was 15.”

Lauren and Lucid Vivisectionist met when L moved to Carrollton in 7th grade. Lucille moved back to Puerto Rico in February 2012, returning to visit Miami occasionally (this explains the fetus pictures with Lucy and Camren at L’s house). In February 2012, Lauren was 15, Camila 14, and Lucy 16. And who did Lauren meet when she was 15? Oh yeah, Camila. C and L did the first phase of the audition, the ‘cattle call’, on May 1, 2012 in Greensboro, North Carolina. Audition where Camila took courage to speak at the (“Oh my God that girl is) literally so beautiful” girl from which she felt intimidated by starting that adorable brief conversation “Hi, I like your shirt”, “Thanks. I like your jacket” just before it was her turn to get in for her audition. In May 2012, Lauren and Camila were both 15 years old. Lauren and Camila saw each other again for the first time on July 25th, two months later, in Miami on the first day of boot camp, and it was Lauren herself who went to Camila: “You’re the Cuban girl!”. In July 2012, Lauren was 16 and Camila was 15.

Lauren said: “She came back into my life when I was 18. I was on tour and I was in my room in a hotel somewhere, and she called me.” Let me explain to you why I think this is true.

Lauren and Luxy reconnected with each other after Lucy’s car accident that took place on May 15, 2015. Lauren was really 18 in May 2015, and we can rule out The Reflection Tour dates because it started on February 27, 2015, and ended April 6, 2015. We can also rule out these other show dates that 5H did: April 11 in Jackson Township, New Jersey - April 13 at Live! with Kelly and Michael in New York - April 19 Lauren was at Coachella with Keana, Britt, and other friends - April 22 at the Worldwide Radio Summit in Hollywood - April 25 at Radio Disney Music Awards 2015 in Los Angeles - May 8 at Channel 93.3 Summer Kickoff 2015 in Chula Vista, San Diego - May 9 at Wango Tango 2015 in Carson, Los Angeles (May 9, rumors about Camila and Louis Tomlinson just because paparazzi believed they were together when Louis was actually together with Liam outside the Project Club L.A., and C who was at the club next door) - May 15 at KDWB Radio Show in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

The rest of their program and possible date: May 16 at Kiss Concert 2015 in Mansfield, Massachusetts - May 19 at Dancing with the Stars in Los Angeles - May 30 at G-A-Y in London (rumors about Lauren and Louis Tomlinson this time, born because 5H went to Libertine nightclub with Louis and Niall) - May 31 at Britain’s Got More Talent in London - June 2 at Capital FM in Birmingham, England - June 5 at Good Morning Britain in London - June 6 at Capital FM Summertime Ball 2015 in London - June 12 at Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, Hawaii - June 14 at LA Pride 2015 - June 18 at Jimmy Kimmel Live in Los Angeles - June 20 at B96 Pepsi Summer Bash 2015 in Bridgeview, Illinois - June 23 at San Diego County Fair 2015 - 28 June at Show Of The Summer 2015 in Hershey, Pennsylvania - July 10 at Rockefeller Plaza in New York. July 15, 2015, beginning of Reflection: The Summer Tour.

June 27, 2015 Lauren turned 19, and do you guys remember the events of those days? Because I do.

On June 24, 2015, Lauren celebrated her birthday in advance at the famous sushi restaurant ‘Katsuya’. Among the guests were the girls, her mom Clara, some friends, including Jill (the same Jill/Jillian Gutowitz who worked with Zack Sang and who 5H met on April 22, 2015, at the Worldwide Radio Summit, which lasted for three days but they were present for two: 22 and 23. The same Jill who wrote the article for AfterEllen on January 25, 2016, about her experiences with women who denied their sexuality. Remember the story of Lauren Jordan, right?), and Noah Benardout (may he rest in peace). Still no Lucia, not even on the days when Lauren returned to Miami to celebrate with her family before resuming the program from the 28. As I already said, The Reflection Summer Tour began on July 15, 2015, and Lucy’s first public reappearance took place on one of the tour dates, that is, July 27 at Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

From that moment on, we saw Lucille appear on multiple occasions in hops through time. After the July 27th date, we saw her during the trip to Hawaii with Lauren and Keana in September, followed by the concert that the girls had on October 10 in the Bahamas, where they stayed with their families and friends for a few days. After the Bahamas, the mess happened between 5H because they found out about Camila’s departure from the group which initially should’ve been immediate, but for which they fought and gained another year. That, was also the time when Laucy signed their PR contract. As we know from Lauren herself, that was the worst and darkest time for her. That was the beginning of her numbness.

On October 23, they were on their way to Italy and Lauren wrote on her dark diary, the one shown to us in Episode 8 of her Attunements. On October 24, they arrived in Milan for the MTV Europe Music Awards 2015 occurred on October 25, and on October 28, in Madrid instead, there was the interview with Alyson Eckmann, the journalist Camila flirted with while Lauren was sitting right next to her.

Going forward, in November we have:

- Rumors about Lauren and Julius Dein (his friend who is a YouTube magician).

-The release of IKWYDLS including the rumors about Camila and Shawn and Michael Clifford (who was already in the picture) who were ‘vying for her’.

- Beginning of Lauren’s coming out plan which included: 1) The release of The Vamps’ album on November 23rd, that is, a week after the release of IKWYDLS, and which included the track ‘I Found A Girl’. Joe O'Neill, the manager of The Vamps, liked that famous tweet. Despite the efforts to make us believe that Bleahren (sorry for the Italian pun I made here, but ‘bleah’ in Italian is equivalent to the ‘eww’ to indicate something gross, and therefore Bleah-Ren) Brauren was real and that the girl involved was Lucille and not Camila, they’ve miscalculated since Lauren and Brad ‘dated’ in 2014 when Lucy had not yet returned into Lauren’s life. But since the album and consequently the song came out on November 23, 2015, they tried to manipulate people’s minds as usual. 2) Jill’s article that served to connect and more or less ‘confirm’ the story between this Jordan and her childhood friend, Lauren-Lucy.

- December: completion of the 7/27 album + Dina LaPolt’s entry + renegotiation of the contracts (mostly DNA’s contracts) + FIFTH HARMONY MUSIC, INC. created by LAND on December 21 to prepare for the transfer of the 5H trademark, the FIFTH HARMONY PARTNERSHIP, of which they became owners from April 27, 2016 + change of management from Faculty Management: Jared Paul and Janelle Lopez, to Maverick Management: Larry Rudolph, Dan Dymtrow, and Tara Beikae. [All things that were possible ONLY THANKS to the exit of C from the group]

- January 2016, we have Lauren and Lucrezia who came back from Colombia to then taking a road trip for Lucy’s birthday week.

- Jill’s article came out and coincidentally, by pure chance, exactly two days later, on January 27, 2016, Camila and Dinah were hacked.

- On March 9, 2016, Lauren, Normani, Andrea, Dinah, and Keana went to pierce their ears, or rather, Laurmainah pierced their ears, mama Dre and Keana just accompanied them. During her turn, Lauren asked Keana to take her phone to make a video. In the meantime, Mani was filming Lauren, and again by pure chance, Keana, who was in the heart of the frame, took Lauren’s phone as she’d asked, and both the lock screen and the home screen portrayed a picture of Lucania during a photoshoot. Same picture Lucy herself posted on Instagram on April 10th to leave no doubt.

- April 24, 2016, Coachella together.

- Luciana went with 5H in London, in May, during the promotion of the 7/27 album. (+ Camren video of May 28, 2016)

- She was present during the start of the tour in South America on June 26th (in the evening during the concert, L danced Big Bad Wolf for her, but that’s not the famous video, that was on September 5) and 27th to celebrate L’s birthday together (picture of the 27th of them in Buenos Aires).

- June 27, 2016, on L’s birthday, Jill posted a picture with L from the birthday dinner of the year before, further confirming the story of ‘Jordan’.

- August 1, the national girlfriend day, L posted a picture of her and Lucy.

- From August 12 to 21, Lucy was with them. The night after the concert on the 13th in Rochester Hills, Michigan, videos in which Lucilla appeared during Lauren Fuller’s birthday celebration at the hotel for dinner. On the 14th in Noblesville, Indiana, during Gonna Get Better and Big Bad Wolf Lauren smiled in Lucy’s direction who was in the audience. On the 18th in Virginia Beach, Virginia, a fan met Laucy in a movie theater restroom, taking a selfie with Lauren (C posted a picture of her in the dark with the words of Bad Things “don’t think that I can explain it” the same night).

- On September 4 and 5 Lucippe returned. On the 5th in Houston, Texas, the famous ‘super HD’ video took place in which Lauren danced Big Bad Wolf for Lucy, even pointing to her during her verse. [On September 6, Midland, Texas, during the Q&A, Lauren wore the same dress that Lucy was wearing to the concert the night before, and at the same time, she sat next to C and got jealous when C complimented a fan by sending her flying kisses. Ahh… The irony]

Now. Let’s move on to the part of the podcast where Lauren explains about the kiss with Lucza at her uncle and aunt’s wedding, how her aunt “super innocently” posted the pictures on Facebook that her “unreal invasive fans” found and posted, how Perez Hilton outed her to the world by posting an article with those pictures, how she did nothing for a week, and that after thinking “Ok, it happened. People know. What am I gonna do?”, she wrote that letter against Trump as her own way of coming out.

On November 4, 2016, Lauren and Lucynda did the ‘famous’ photoshoot in New Orleans called ‘Bare With Me’. Lauren flew to NOLA right after Halloween, got back to Miami to vote, then returned to New Orleans on the 10th along with her family for the wedding. Lucianna was also with her on the 10th for the rehearsal/bowling with all of Lauren’s relatives. Meanwhile Orange Trumpeter was elected on the 8th, and many celebrities were preparing to write a letter through Billboard against him and his supporters. Labels and management saw it as a perfect opportunity to get her to come out also considering how much Lauren has always been vocal on the subject, and THEY contacted Billboard to get her to participate in exchange of the exclusive of her coming out. All that was missing was the evidence to make sure that there had been no connection with Camila, and that was the reason for the kiss at the wedding on the 11th.

On November 13, the wedding photographer posted those pictures on his website, including the one of the kiss. And I’m sorry, Lolo, I love you but, really? Who are you kidding? The pictures didn’t start spreading because her ‘unreal invasive fans’ found them on her aunt’s Facebook page where she’d posted them ‘super innocently’. The pictures started spreading after the photographer posted them! And you know what’s even more funny? That to see those pictures on the website, you needed an access password. So what are you saying here, Lo? That your ‘unreal invasive fans’ were so good, to even have hacked their way into the website for pictures they didn’t even know existed? It wasn’t your team, was it? Oh, okay. My bad.

Sarcasm aside. The pictures started to spread, Perez tweeted about it on the 14th, and in the meantime Lauren had time to write the letter that was approved by the labels and sent to Billboard (on the 14th), who approved it a couple of days after it was sent (on the 16th), and which they then published it in the article two days later (on the 18th). In all of this, on November 15, 2016, the girls all went to Epic’s party. Since we know very well that most of the cases of coming out as bisexual in the industry made by a female celebrity occur in succession with the connection with a guy, that night there was the PR proposal between Typo Dolour Signal and Lauren that he obviously accepted, and in fact, he was there that night at that party too (Picture of C with a tear mark on her cheek).

Now, the icing on the cake of the Laucy’s PR: Nicole Cartolano. Nicole is a friend of Lecy’s with whom she had already worked together and who also posted pictures of Lauren on November 17 and 22, 2016, one on December 31, 2016, together with Marian Hill taken backstage after Lauren’s performance with them on the 30th, the night before, for the Snow Globe Festival in South Lake Tahoe, California, and the one of Laucy (with the piñata) on January 10, taken the same night to celebrate Lucilia’s birthday at midnight and that Lauren also used to post it for wish her a happy birthday. That was the last public interaction between the two. *Slow entry of Tympans Dollhouse Signalized in the picture from January 4, 2017, thanks to that tweet*.

On January 21, 2017, Lauren and Lucy were at the same Women’s March, but separately (single), and we haven’t seen them together anymore. LuBYE. On March 22, 2017, both ‘Bare With Me’ and the interview article Nicole did with MTV News (she confirmed that Laucy had been together by having an on-again, off-again for years and also said a lot of other bullshit like the fact that the girls were nervous because they didn’t know how their parents would’ve responded) came out. On August 13, 2018, Nicole officially apologized to Lucy for being angry with her for posting the pictures and therefore for having outed her and for having taken part in the MTV interview without their permission. There was also the screenplay made by Nicole’s mom to make everything even more true.

Bullshit on bullshit on bullshit. Number 1, Lauren herself confirmed in this podcast that her parents knew about her, and said how much she loved Lucre’s ‘I’m out and proud’ part.

Number 2, Nicole posted a preview of the pictures on March 18, 2017, so if she really wanted to stop her before the publication on the 22nd, she would’ve had time to do so.

Number 3, Lucita came out publicly on her own with that Spanish post on Instagram on November 20, 2016, saying in summary that she was anything but straight because she didn’t want to label herself (she did it years later by saying she was a lesbian).

Number 4, as Lusia also confirmed in that post where Nicole’s mom left that comment, Nicole signed a non-disclosure agreement form. If she had actually violated it without having had a release and written consent form, she would’ve been sued.

Number 5, if Luciferase really wanted to have that conversation in private with Nicole’s mom, she might very well have done so. She could’ve contacted her and answered her IN PRIVATE for real, and not via IG where EVERYONE saw and took the side of poor, poor Luckless.

Number 6, the biggest proof that shows the hypocrisy of all this, Lucasta continued to work with Nicole. Their last work dates back to November 25, 2019.

Okaay, sure… sure, because it was normal for her to continue working with the person who outed her, wasn’t it? People’s lies never cease to amaze me. For that matter, Nicole also posted a picture of their ‘adventure’ as they made their way to the photoshoot location on November 1, 2017, and continued to wish them both a happy birthday with posts every year.

And lastly, on June 6, 2020, we have the Lucerne’s video leaked (+ old pictures and videos of 5H) where she burned pictures of Lauren and of the two of them together in 2017, accompanied by the tweets occurred two days later, in which she explained that she was hacked and that she burned the pictures for a closure. Then, exactly 20 days later, that is on June 26, 2020, the PAPER Magazine article of Lauren’s interview came out. What a coincidence! In that article, Lauren explained, along with other things, that she’d been in love with her best friend for 7 years.

Lauren, honey, the maths, the maths… If according to your words you fell in love with her at 15, got together with her at 18, and broken up at 20, how can these be 7 years? It’s 5 years… And as if it wasn’t enough, still according to your words, after 1 year and 8 months (from mid-May 2015 to mid-January 2017), 2 months of which public because of the wedding pictures, of the relationship you wanted at all costs, “all in” and “now we’re gonna be in this relationship”, you broke up with her because she was really toxic, and after less than a month, you started dating an even more toxic person without the proper time to heal?? How do you expect me to believe you? And I’m putting aside the fact that I know they’re both PR relationships. I’m speaking out of logic. How? How can I believe you? How does this make any sense?

Personally, yes, I believe Lauren and Lucy have a past. Lauren’s first kiss was when she was 13 (8th grade) with her boyfriend at the time, Dominic, but I think Lucy was her first kiss with a girl. And I think it happened when she was 15, but in 2011, so long before Lucy left. Lauren dated Paul Martinez from June 4, 2011, to the end of July (around 23/24). From after Paul, until her very first PR at X-Factor, Keaton Stromberg, she was single. I truly believe that before she met Camila, Lauren and Lucy did everything Lauren said. I really believe Lauren experimented with her in secret, but I don’t believe in anything else she said at all.

This is my opinion. And in my opinion, Lauren always knew she was queer, and Lucy was the first with whom she could experience the attraction and the feelings towards girls she had always felt and concealed deep inside herself. But they were friends. Just friends. Friends who messed around and experimented together in secret given the environment that surrounded them. Lucy then returned to live in Puerto Rico and they simply drifted apart because of the distance and Lauren’s busy schedule with 5H. When she came back into Lauren’s life, they rekindled their friendship. Just that. Also because, Camila, hello? Camila entered Lauren’s heart the same year Lucy left and never get out of it. Not to mention that Lucy had a girlfriend, Sarah Scott Narcise, before getting together with Nicole Marie Rendón in March 2017. I honestly think that Lucy was also giving advice to Lauren about her relationship with Camila, and I also think that now they really aren’t friends anymore for something we don’t know about, even though I have my theories… But anyway. Lauren needed a beard to be able to come out, Lucy needed visibility for her modeling career and, at the time, also for her music which, however, never saw the light of day. The labels approved because they would’ve done anything to keep their chosen one out of the gay light. Camila also approved. Boom, PR.

I don’t believe all the other bullshit she said during the podcast. Because if they’d been true, they would’ve made logical sense. A sense they’ve been trying, and failing, to give for years. If Lauren really didn’t want to come out, she wouldn’t have done a photoshoot with Lucy a week before the wedding with the intention of using that same photoshoot to come out. She would not have kissed Lucy in a public place during the wedding pictures in front of a professional photographer hired for the event, knowing full well that those pictures would eventually have been published by the bride and groom, her aunt and uncle, and the photographer himself. If she wanted so badly a picture of her kissing her girlfriend, drunk or not, she would’ve taken her fucking phone and take selfies. It wasn’t the fans’ or Perez’s fault. It was the management that was following the plan.

And I’m supposed to, what exactly? Forget all these things, things that have been proofed multiple times in the past, because Lauren, or Camila, or management, or labels, or their contracts, must continue with their stupid narrative? Because Camila must continue to look straight and continue to look in love with Shalt Menstruated because the señorito is about to release his documentary and his album? Because Camila’s movie is about to come out? Because Lauren’s own album is about to be released and because the subject matter of her female-pronounced songs must only and exclusively be related to Lucy? (Although I think her album will be out next year. I think a song with female pronunciation is coming out soon. And no, I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s Burning)

Guys, come on…

Think about it. She used Lucy as a shield to tell part of her story with Camila that happened in 2014. It all fits. Even the story told through songs from Camila’s cocky POV, including ‘Like Friends Do’, ‘Eyes on You’, ‘Cleopatra’, ‘Leave for Good’, and a couple from her last album like ‘Should’ve Said It’ and ‘Feel It Twice’.

I understand why many of you have been hurt by this podcast and by Lauren herself. I understand why a lot of you are angry about the things she said. I see you, I understand, I really do. And everyone is free to feel whatever they want, I’m not saying otherwise. But I really don’t understand why you’re hiding or why you’re abandoning the ship. Authors who don’t wanna write anymore. Accounts closed. Names changed. Hope lost. This, all this, makes me angry and hurt. Because you fell for it. And you know why you fell for it? Because Lauren changed her approach. Leaving aside the part just before when she said: “Even when I talk about it, and I don’t talk about it because I’ve learned to just ignore it because-” and there, I swear I had to pause because I burst out laughing, and I was like: “Bitch, you’re the one who pulled this out of your ass out of nowhere right this second, what are you saying?”. She went on by saying, and she knows us so well because of this: “I just chose to ignore it at a certain point because getting angry to them would it mean that it was real and validate it more for them”.

And it’s true. This non-angry approach of hers, worked like a charm. Lauren’s older, she’s more mature than before. Although she was very nervous, she managed to explain everything calmly. The fact that she was emotional and almost cried in many parts, it really gave an extra boost to what she tried to sell. And I’m not saying she faked almost crying. Hell, no. That was super true and hard for her. I’m saying though, that it’s really easy to manipulate people’s minds, and Lauren used her real pain, the real suffering she has gone through over the years to tell this charade. That’s why it seemed so real. And I’m supposed to fall for that shit just because that’s what they’ve wanted for years, right? Convenient much?

Guys, please. You’re smarter than that, use those beautiful brains. For example, the fact that Lauren said: “I was queer, but she was not”, wrong as you want it to be, and “Camila and I were just really good friends at that time”, yeah, sure, Jan. Doesn’t the very fact that she used the past tense make you realize that it was done to completely detach herself from her IN THE PRESENT? Everything she said was for something. Everything had a purpose. And the goal is always the same. Make us stop shipping ‘em. Putting a label on C only served the Shoestoremila purpose, nothing else. And those were words that came out of the mouth of the one who says she doesn’t like labeling people. The same one who was pissed that someone had outed her before she wanted to. Do you really think she’s that hypocritical?

The fact that she put all the CS in the same box, especially when she talked about the Daddy situation, WAS DONE ON PURPOSE. She couldn’t fail to generalize because their purpose is, and will be for a long time to come, to kill Camren. That means the whole fandom. Not just invasive elements. But really all the CS. The purpose was to make us feel guilty. The purpose is to make us accept that it was never real, and since we care about them, to make us continue to support them individually and not as a couple, even though she knows that the real CS do it regardless. This, is called manipulation, guys.

Think about everything else too. The inconsistency. The holes in her story. The lack of explanations. And the fact that during the story of how it all happened, she jumped from one theme to another and therefore managed to deflect and not completely finish one before moving on to the other, doesn’t it make you understand that she didn’t want to give too many details? And when does that usually happen? She knew we’d analyze her. She knew she couldn’t say too much. When she talked about Lucy, she knew that WE know she was talking about Camila, and with too many details, it would also have been obvious to the others because WE would’ve pointed it out to everyone. I mean, it’s obvious enough in itself, imagine if she’d fed us more information that we would’ve compared in the timeline.

Please, guys. I know that it feels like something’s changed, but it’s not. It’s really not. I’m appealing to all of you. Open your eyes. Reason. I know many of you still have conflicting emotions and feelings, and that’s okay. If you’re still upset, if you still wanna cry, then cry. Do whatever helps you feel better because, especially after the haters have come to bite your asses, you’re entitled to feel the way you do. But please, please, don’t give up. If you give up, you just play their game. You just do them a favor. You guys had invested so much of your time, so much of your passion, so much of yourselves to just, give up. Think of all we’ve been through, especially those who’ve been in the fandom for years. Think about how happy Camren makes you. They were there for you when you needed them. When you were going through hard times. I know they’ve helped a lotta people.

And think about this too. Lauren herself said at the beginning of the podcast: “The news and the media are constantly spinning narratives for your clicks so they can make money”. And what do you think this podcast was for? It’s always the same shit. Have you not noticed how the very same news and media have ALL talked about them? Didn’t you notice how My Oh My magically returned into the charts? How 50ft surpassed the 9 million streams on Spotify? And you still have doubts?

This is instead for the CS who get often angry about their actions. I personally think it’s pointless to blame Lauren and Camila for every single thing they do that has been PLANNED for them. Especially Camila as far as Shonas is concerned. There’s a pattern here too. Lauren had her light PR with Lucia. Lauren then had her heavy PR with Typic Dole Sight while Camila had a light one with Eatchu. And now Camila’s having a heavy one. C’s one is heavier simply because they’re much more famous than PRen (Tyren) were. So, guys, be patient. There’s really no point in getting angry and blaming them. It’s a waste of energy. It’s useless to blame them if they’re gonna continue to do so over the years to come. They’re just still trying to get past their original contracts and survive in the industry at the same time. Sooner or later, I HOPE, they will be free to tell the truth or the truth will come out on its own.

Well, I’m done. Jeez, that was long, wasn’t it? But I hope it was worth it. I hope I’ve cleared your heads a little bit and instilled some hope again. I also hope I made you smile with all those nicknames and my sarcasm. I especially hope that wherever you are, you’re having a good day, and if not, then I hope it has improved at least a little bit with this post. And thank you so much, Stuck. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to use my voice for the first time publicly/virtually. You, above all, keep on being one of the lights and NEVER let them turn you off. I love you guys. Stay safe. Stay strong. Stay patient. With love, F.

I leave you with these two pearls:

Number 1. Lauren said something else too. She said: “Don’t trust me. Go research. Go look this shit up yourself”. I know she said it for a completely different context, but I found it really funny given the situation.

Number 2. This is a small scene that automatically created itself in my head as soon as I finished listening to Wonder. I titled it: The sad and short story of the making of ‘Wonder’.

Enjoy:

*on the phone*

Shawl Mendicant: “Hey, buddy. I know you were a huge Fifth Harmony fan and I know you love my fake girlfriend, so I was thinking… could you help me? You know, I need her to stay relevant, but to do that, I also need to release music and completely take all the credit from other people because, you know, the most I do is change a sentence or two in my style to make people think that I wrote all my songs.”

Sam Smith: “………okay?”

Shawnita Menorrhagia: “So, I was wondering, can I copy your homework? You can totally refuse if you want to, but I’m hoping to appeal to the love you have for 5H and Camila, and maybe help a friend out?”

Sam Smith: “Yeah, sure, you can copy my homework. Anything for my girls. Just, change it up a bit so it doesn’t sound too obvious you just copied it.”

Shonas Mended: “Don’t worry. I’ve got this. Thanks, man.” - *ends the call*

Sam Smith looking at the phone with an incredulous expression and one hand over his heart: “I came out as a non-binary, you insensitive asshole!”

Shoes Mentionable from the other room: “Cameeela! He said yes!” *reaching then Camila and Lauren in the living room where Lauren is lying with her head resting on Camila’s legs who’s running her fingers through her hair with one hand and holding the book that she’s reading with the other one* “You were right, all I had to do was mention you girls.”

Lauren chuckling and continuing to pet Cleo who’s lying at the foot of the couch with one hand: “Told you”, to then adding: “And please, I know you’re excited because of the news but keep your voice down”, continuing to caress Sofi’s head who’s sleeping on top of her with the other one.

Shapeless Mentality: “Oh, sorry.”

Camila without looking away from her book: “Sam’s really nice. I’m sure they would’ve said yes even without the need of mentioning us.”

Lauren: “Hmm, I’m not so sure about that, babe. Yes, they’re very nice, but we’re powerful in their minds, so it was an added incentive for them to say yes.”

Shaved Mentholated: “Who are they? Weren’t we talking about Sam?”

Camila who was giggling at her girlfriend’s words:

Lauren:

Sinu from the kitchen:

Cleo who was nibbling her toy:

Even Thunder, Leo, and Eugene from outside into the yard:

*the end*

Chon Mendable: ‘Wonder’ - Sam Smith: ‘One Last Song’

____

OMG I am speechless. I’m really still digesting this whole story because it’s amazing but I wanted to start by saying hello to you and telling you my name, my name is Marite. It is a pleasure to meet you dear friend. I don’t want to write too much because your words are much more important than mine but I wanted to thank you for trusting me and my blog to tell me your story. That side of the story that, being new and not having been a harmonizer from the beginning, I never learned. I intended to ask for more information about Laucy’s Timeline but what you have told is a gem. A gem that shows that the bastards of the industry cannot fool the fans because we pay attention to everything and it is not easy for us to fall for their shit. I think the power we fans have is so great that if we all came together, we could bring down this whole fucking fake empire that they have created. That said, Laucy’s story is surprising. As planned and how each person involved had to do their part on the chessboard. Incredible. Now that you tell me that story, I think it fits the one I wrote in my once upon a time post. Sure, yours is true and has everything that mine doesn’t. I have tried to keep this blog open for all who wish to come and air their ideas, their thoughts, their tea. And you dear friend, you have been one of the best so far. You’ve given us that support that the fandom so badly needed and I really appreciate it. I also appreciate your humor, the nicknames have been so hilarious and I’m still laughing. Thank you for daring to tell this part of the story and reopen the can of worms of a PR that right now resurfaces with that Lauren interview. With a purpose, it’s true. And something tells me that we will see much more very soon. Thank you for your support, my friend. And you know, you have my blog at your disposal for whatever you need. And if you need to talk or anything else. I greatly appreciate that we can continue to keep this ship afloat among ourselves. Among a group of intelligent people who have been hurt by someone we have always loved very much even though we know the reason for all that. We can’t give up now because if we do it like you say they will win and I personally don’t plan to indulge them in that. Thank you very much for all dear friend and I hope you have a nice day. I send you a hug and I hope you stay safe.

[kalimagik]

As Family the First Time

Charlie Weasley x Reader

Includes storyline of “A Hogwarts Mystery” 

Word Count: ~4K

A/N: Here is the Charlie post that I promised you all! I already wrote it, so it was easy for me to edit and such just to upload. If you enjoy reading, like, reblog, comment, or give me a follow! I have a few requests that I will get to writing, but I’m away for the week, so I will write them when I get back home! (Don’t you worry! I got some good ones too!) I’m also starting to edit my long fic that will be a Harry Potter Series! So be on the look out! Happy reading, loves! <3<3 P.S. I didn’t really have time to edit this, so I apologize 😅

“Are you sure you want to do this, love? It’s always so crazy at home.” Charlie questioned as the couple prepared for their journey from Romania to England.

“Charlie, I’ve told you a million times. I can totally handle your family. I’d been there a few times during our school years. Plus, at school, I spent time like half of your siblings anyways! Bill was there for our first 5 years and one of my good friends. Percy was Percy. And I even befriended the twins! I can totally handle this. Why do you doubt me?” Y/N laughed, tossing a sweater into her suitcase.

“Okay, you got me there, but it’s gotten even crazier. Ronald’s friends are almost always there and the twins have gotten even more chaotic since their first two years at school!”

“Charlie, do you not want me to meet your family as your girlfriend or something?”

“Yes– I mean, no. I just like to have you for a little more to myself in that aspect.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. She’d been in Charlie’s house during school and they’d gone on the craziest adventures while Y/N broke all the cursed vaults. She’d been very close to following in Bill’s steps as a Curse-Breaker, but was pulled towards dragons after practically raising a Welsh Green and visiting the Romanian Dragon Sanctuary with Bill on assignment. They were magnificent creatures.

Now, she didn’t work with them like Charlie did. The boy was constantly covered in cuts, bruises, scars, and burns from working so closely with the dragons. Y/N on the other hand observed and took notes and did research surrounding all of the different ones. However, there was one dragon that both of the dragonologists shared a bond with. The dragon that Ron wrote to Charlie about, Norbert or Norbertta, adored Y/N. Maybe since she was raised by Hagrid, she was a little better with humans, but she loved Y/N.

She’d laid some eggs and Y/N got to watch the entire process close up. It was a dragonologists DREAM!

Anyways, once Y/N and Charlie found themselves at the same dragon sanctuary, they reconnected. They’d always been good friends in school and maybe, there’d been a little spark between them, but they never dated or anything. Just an intense amount of tension in their last 2 years. It drove Bill mad because he wasn’t around enough to push them together.

But, here they were. 4 years out of school and they finally started dating, but for the first year and a half, they hadn’t gotten around to telling either of the families yet, so Christmas was the best time, right? That’s why they were packing, Charlie told his family that Y/N had moved to Romania and that her family wasn’t going to be around. And seeing as how she had holiday time at Christmas as well, Molly immediately invited her to their home at the Burrow.

“It’s about 4:30. The portkey is going to leave soon, so we should get going,” Y/N smiled, zipping up her bag and pressing a kiss to Charlie’s lips to get him moving.

“Now is your last chance to stay here, love. I’d of course stay with you and we could just make a family of our own!” he beamed.

Y/N couldn’t stop the loud laugh that erupted from the back of her throat. “WOAHHH! Slow your roll there. We haven’t even thought about an engagement yet!”

“Okay, maybe not, but who says we’ve ever done things in the right order? I mean, I kissed you before you even knew if you liked me or not.”

“True, but a kiss and a baby are two very, very different things,” Y/N giggled. “Now, common, we’ve got a portkey to catch!”

The couple made it to the location of the portkey where about 7 other witches and wizards were travelling to England. Once they reached England, they would then apparate to the Burrow. Simple.

“Okay, please grab onto the boot, it will be leaving in three…two…one!”

The pulling right behind her navel was never something she could get used to, but once landing in England, she’d gotten the hang of landing on her feet.

“I will never like those things,” she shuttered, picking up her bags. “Not when Rakepick took us on one and not now!”

“Really, I think it feels like riding a dragon! It’s blood brilliant!”

Y/N rolled her eyes, preparing herself for yet another uncomfortable experience as they prepared to apparate.

Regaining her balance once again, Y/N looked down the hill to see the Burrow standing brightly in all of its glory.

“I’m telling ya, this is your absolute last chance. We can always snag a room in London and spend the holidays there.”

“Charlie, why do you not want for me not to spend time with your family?”

“Not you, I’m just slightly selfish. I know the second we walk in, my mother is going to feed us. Bill is going to want to catch up. Ginny just loves having you around more than Fleur, so she’ll be right there. Fred and George will want to show you what they’ve been working on or flirt with you because they don’t realize you’re dating their handsome older brother and couldn’t care less about any age difference. They just see you as the badass girl who mum should’ve despised for all the danger Bill and I got into, but didn’t. Ron isn’t as much of an issue because the boy is in teenage moods according to mum. Although, if Harry and Hermione are there, he should be okay.” Charlie rambled on about his family.

“We’ll be here for at least two weeks, so if they take me from you for an evening or two, it’ll be completely fine. Oh look, it seems that they have seen us. Do you want to tell them we’re dating now or what?”

Charlie took in a deep breath trying to decide, but it didn’t have a chance to respond before Arthur, Bill, Fred, and George were calling out to them.

“I’ll find the right moment, don’t you worry,” he whispered. “Dad! Brothers!” he smiled, opening his arms.

“I’ll hug Y/N first!” one of the twins yelled.

“Fred! I called the first hug!” George quickly interjected.

“I do have the capabilities of hugging two people at once,” Y/N chuckled, opening her arms for both twins, who seemed to have doubled in size since the last time she’d seen them. “When did you two double my height?”

“Oh you know, a lot changes when you move off to Romania. Freddie and I have matured,” George informed her, straightening his coat.

“That’s not what mum’s last letter said. I heard you two blew up a bathroom. I bet McGonagall had a heart attack.”

“Charlie, we used to sneak off school grounds on a regular basis for dangerous adventures. She didn’t have a heart attack because of us.”

“Good point. Also, don’t talk about all that in front of Ron and his friends. Mum would kill me if I gave them any ideas. They put themselves in regular danger too, so I hear.”

“Yes, uh, no ideas would be excellent,” Mr. Weasley echoed. “Now, Y/N, how are you doing?”

“Dad, you took my question!” Bill smiled, coming in for a hug.

“I’m doing well. Hagrid’s dragon’s eggs just hatched and Norbertta has let me get near them. It’s been SO exciting!” Y/N smiled.

“Missing curse breaking at all?” Bill asked.

“I would say that I’m enjoying the quiet life, but like with dragons isn’t exactly quiet,” she laughed.

“So are we going to stay out here talking all night or are we going to head inside? I mean, Y/N/N and I are used to camping, but I was promised a warm bed,” Charlie pointed out.

“Right you are, Charlie! Fred, George, can you take their bags please. Y/N will be going to Ginny’s room. We’ll be a tight fit, but we’ll make it work. We always do.” Arthur instructed.

“Oh, dad, Y/N can sleep in my room. She doesn’t need to sleep on a cot. I’ll bunk with Bill.”

The two lived with each other already, so it would be weird to be in a room by herself for a few weeks. Who knows though, maybe if Charlie told about them being together,

“Is Fleur here, Bill?” Charlie asked on the way down to the house. Y/N walked beside him, so Charlie had to resist the urge to take her hand in his.

“She went back to France for the holidays. Wanted me to come with her, but when I heard you were coming home, I decided to hang back. Haven’t seen my closest brother in a while, not to mention one of my best friends from school,” Bill winked at Y/N.

“I’m excited to be back in England! I just wish my parents and brother would have decided to stick around. We could’ve gone to see them too!”

“We?” Bill asked, eyebrows raised, but a smirk on his face.

Y/N bit her lip. Shit. Little did she know that Charlie had spilled the beans to Bill months ago, making him promise not to say anything to anyone.

“Brace yourselves, Mum has been looking forward to this since you wrote home, Charlie,” Bill said, keeping the door open behind Arthur.

“Y/N! Charlie!”

The pair was hit by the warmth of the Burrow and Molly making her way around the table to them.

“I’m so happy you got here safe! PERCY! RONALD! GINNY! HERMIONE! HARRY! Y/N and Charlie are here! Dinner will be on soon!” Molly called right before wrapping her arms around Charlie and then Y/N.

“We’re so happy to have you hear, dear! I cannot believe your family decided to go on holiday over Christmas. No matter, we’re happy to have you back in our house. I don’t think you’ve been here since 3rd year! It’s been far too long.”

“I think 3rd year is when Bill brought Merula and I back for Christmas, but I saw you guys when Bill graduated from Hogwarts and when Charlie and I did,” Y/N thought back.

“Still, far too long! Ah, Ginny, come say hello!” Molly motioned over.

“Y/N! You’re here!”

Y/N opened her arms wide for the young red head. She was in her 2nd  year already and Y/N couldn’t believe it. She’d always gotten along with Ginny. She saw a lot of herself and her spirit in Ginny.

“Hey squirt! How have you been! How’s school?”

“It’s fine. Been crazy all year as usual, but I’m happy you’re here!”

“Hogwarts is always unusual! Always was for Bill, Charlie, and I. Lots of adventure to be found in that place.”

“Hello, Y/N. Good to see you again.” Percy said formally.

“Hello, Percy. How is your last year at Hogwarts?”

“Busy. There’s been a lot going on!”

Before Y/N could respond, they heard Ron’s voice coming from the top of the stairs.

“Mum, did you say Charlie was home?” Ron asked, footsteps being followed by 2 other pairs.

“Yes, dear!”

“You’ll love Charlie,” Y/N heard Ron tell his friends. “And…Y/N’s here too,” he suddenly stopped at the bottom of the stairs, eyes wide.

Harry bounded down, running right into him. “Ow! Ron, why’d you stop?”

Y/N couldn’t help  but chuckle. Ron never seemed to know what to say around her.

“I’m Charlie.” He held his hand out to Harry and Hermione. “And this is Y/N. He went to school with me. She was in Y/H, not like it really matters though. She was the bloody best curse breaker Hogwarts has ever seen.”

“Hey!” Bill played offended.

Knowing what it felt like to be all anyone can talk about, Y/N did her best to remain normal around the Boy Who Lived, even though she couldn’t believe what he had been through already in his short life.

“Hi! It’s so lovely to meet you. Charlie has told me all about you two from Ron and his mum’s letters.” The two 3rd years shook her hand too.

“Dinner’s on! Everyone to the table please,” Molly said as plates flew from the cabinets to the table.

“Y/N, you can sit next to me here!” Fred hollered from down the table.

“Oi! She can sit here,” George retorted across the table.

“Knock it off.” Y/N could tell that Charlie’s voice was deepening, almost as if he was getting angry. He did say that he hadn’t wanted her to be taken away by his family. “She’s going to sit next to me, alright?”

Y/N did her best to conceal her laughter. It was always amusing when he got like this. Not to mention, Y/N then never had to do any teasing.

“I think I'd like to sit with Ginny. If anyone wanted to know what I would like,” Y/N laughed, walking towards her little friend. “We have a lot to catch up on! But, you can come sit beside me, if you’d like, Charlie.” She giggled.

Dinner went well. Ginny told Y/N all about what she’d been learning, who she hung around, which professors were her favorite, and how she loved Hogwarts. The twins went on about the best pranks that they had pulled since the last time they saw her. Y/N heard from Ron’s friend Hermione a little bit. She was as sweet as could be, but definitely a bright witch. She of course caught up with Bill. They still wrote to each other, but not as often as they had before.

But, when Molly stood up to clear the table, Y/N’s attention broke away.

“Oh, let me help you with that, Mrs. Weasley,” she offered.

“No, no! Sit down. You’ve traveled so much today. Bill and the other boys can help me. Ginny will show you her room, so you can get settled in.”

“Oh, mum, I told Y/N that she could stay in my room. I’ll bunk with Bill. There are already enough people in Ginny’s room. She should get some privacy,” Charlie responded.

“Fine, fine. Ginny, show Y/N where Charlie’s room is. Boys, will one of you get her bags?”

“No worries, Mrs. Weasley! I can get them myself! Thank you though,” Y/N smiled, picking up her two small duffle bags. “Lead the way, Squirt!” Y/N smiled at Ginny. Red spread onto her cheeks as she turned towards the stairs. What had Y/N said?

Y/N followed the red headed girl up the stairs to the 4th floor. A green dragon painted on the door.

“I’m guessing this is Charlie’s?”

“Uh huh!” Ginny beamed, her usual persona returning. “Want me to help you unpack your things?”

“Sure! Lead the way in!”

Ginny sat on the bed while Y/N took things out of her bags. She could sense that she wanted to say something, but didn’t know what to say, so Y/N started instead.

“Do you not like it when I call you ‘Squirt’ anymore, Gin?”

“Oh, no, no, no! I just uhhh….”

Y/N raised an eyebrow.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Ginny asked. “A secret that you won’t tell anyone else?”

“Of course! I promise I won’t say it to anybody,” Y/N smiled, sitting on the bed across from Ginny.

“I sort of, kind of have a crush on Harry. And when you called me squirt, I remembered that he was there and it probably made him look at me!” Ginny blurted out, like she’d been just waiting to tell someone.

“Squirt, you’re shaking! It’s okay to have a crush! Everyone has them.”

“Even you?”

“Yes, even me,” Y/N smiled, hoping she was calming the girl down.

“Who?”

Well, Y/N wasn’t expecting that.

“Can you keep a secret too?” Ginny nodded vigorously. “I have a crush on Charlie…”

Ginny’s eyes grew wide. Ugh, gossiping with a 13 year old was fun.

“Really? Charlie? I think you two could work. I mean, don’t tell him, but he’s had a crush on you for a long time.”

Y/N giggled, feeding into Ginny’s antics. “Oh really? How long?”

“I think he had one on you ever since he heard you fought the Hungarian Horntail. And then, when you went to the Dragon Sanctuary the first time, Charlie said you weren’t scared at all. I think he was mesmerized. You should tell him,” Ginny giggled.

“Wanna know another secret?” Y/N whispered.

“Another one?!”

“Well, it has to do with the same one. Want to hear it?” Ginny nodded. Hanging on to every word. “I did tell him,” Y/N smiled.

“You did? What happened?”

“We’ve been dating for a year and a half,” Y/N whispered, as though someone would be listening in.

“REALLY?!” Ginny squealed. “Why haven’t you told anyone?”

“I don’t know. We are just always in Romania and haven’t really seen anyone. It was fun being in our own little world. No one else in the world to worry about, you know?”

Ginny’s smile was huge! She was so excited she was nearly trembling. “Are you going to tell everyone? Is that why he said you could sleep in his room?” Ginny was blurting out questions left and right.

“We were going to tell everyone during this trip, but I don’t know when. I sorta left that up to Charlie.”

*Knock, knock, knock*

“How’s unpacking going?” Charlie asked, opening the door.

“Half done!” Y/N laughed, looking at her unpacked bags.

“What have you two been doing all this time?”

“Just chatting,” Y/N responded, a twinkle in her eye.

“Yeah, just chatting,” Ginny smirked, still not containing her excitement.

“Alright, Squint, what’s going on with you?”

“Y/N told me a secret and I can’t tell anyone else. She made me promise…”

“Oh, did she now?” Charlie asked, moving his focus to Y/N’s grinning figure.

“You can tell him, Gin. He’s in on the secret!”

Ginny essentially combusted. “YOU AND Y/N ARE DATING!” she yelled.

“Wooooah, Squirt. I said you could tell him, not the whole house!” Y/N laughed.

“Sorry,” Ginny blushed.

“Alright, now get outta here. I wanna talk to my girlfriend,” Charlie cooed. Ginny couldn’t stop giggling as she hopped off the bed and out the door, shutting it behind her.

“Don’t look at me like that!” Y/N laughed, picking one of her duffle bags off the ground.

“You blabbed!”

“Oh? I blabbed? How about the fact that you’ve definitely told Bill. I made the ‘we’ comment and he didn’t even question it! Don’t think I didn’t figure it out!”

“But you told Ginny. What would possess you to tell Ginny? She’s always been the blabbermouth!”

“No way she’s worse than Fred and George,” Y/N spit back.

“Okay, no, they’re worse. But you saw how she was when I walked in, she couldn’t keep it to herself.”

“Yeah, she also mentioned how you were mesmerized by me after we went to the Dragon Sanctuary for the first time,” Y/N winked. She watched as his freckles disappeared with the color of red growing on his cheeks.

“See, what did I tell ya! So, why did you tell her?”

“I can’t tell you. It’s a secret!” Y/N turned her nose up.

“She’s got a crush on Harry, doesn’t she?”

“How do you know?”

“Mum’s thought so since they first met. Ginny can barely say two words around him. It’s hilarious!”

“Don’t be mean! First crushes are hard!” Y/N slapped Charlie on the wrist.

“Tell me about it!” he rolled his eyes.

“What are you talking about?”

“I had a crush on you since 2nd year and you had no idea. So obviously, the other person can be quite oblivious,” Charlie laughed, thinking back on it.

“I was not oblivious! I just wasn’t thinking about that. I was kind of busy avoiding being killed, remember?” Y/N pointed out.

“Oh no way! You went on your first date with Barnaby in our 4th year. And everyone had a crush on you!”

“Okay, but that was in school. Look who ended up with me, huh? Huh?” Y/N tried to direct him away from school time memories.

“True. I did get pretty lucky that you didn’t follow Bill into his job. I’d be so lost now!”

“Lost? More like dead. You’d have gone and tried to tame the meanest dragon in the place. Really, your family should be thanking me!”

“I don’t know. That could be payback for putting Bill and I in so much danger during school…”

“Merlin! I don’t think your mum ever blamed me for that. She still invited me for Christmas every year, no matter how much danger we were in…”

“mhmmmmmm, you may be right.”

“Should we go back downstairs?” Y/N asked.

“Wait, but I came all the way up here and haven’t kissed you yet!” Charlie pouted.

“Fineeee,” Y/N groaned before giggling. He was still pouting when she quickly pecked his lips and pulled away.

“Woah, woah, woah! I was thinking maybe a little more, maybe?” Charlie begged.

“Charlie, we’re in your childhood bedroom with your family downstairs.” She felt bad looking into his sad chocolate eyes. Ugh, why was he so cute?

“Uh, Charlie?”

“One more?”

“Do you think Ginny’s spilled the beans yet?”

Charlie’s eyes grew double the size. “We need to go.”

Y/N tried to stifle her laughter as Charlie pulled her down the stairs, going way faster than she was.

“Charlie! I’m going to fall over!”

“We have to make sure she hasn’t told them yet! I’m not ready!” Charlie shot out.

“Not ready to tell us what, brother?”

The pair came face to face with essentially the entire Weasley family, including Harry and Ron.

“I was just preparing to give everyone dessert,” Mrs. Weasley said, putting down a plate of food.

“Mum! Don’t change the subject. What do you have to tell us, Charlie?” George pushed, following the suite of his twin.

“Yeah Charlie, what do you have to tell them?” Y/N teased, standing right beside him and grabbing onto his hand.

“No!” Ron’s mouth dropped open.

“Merlin’s beard!” Fred spat out.

“Are you two…together?” George asked, big eyed.

“And I already knew it and didn’t say anything!” Ginny added in proudly.

“I hadn’t even said yes or no, squint. Thanks for the help.”

Y/N felt the grin on her face grow as she watched the interaction between a family that she adored so much. “Want to tell them then?” she pushed.

“Fine,” Charlie groaned. “Y/N and I have been dating.”

“Have been?” Bill scoffed.

“Oh, sod off. I told you like 2 weeks after it started! Don’t give me that grief!”

“This isn’t new?” George wondered.

“It’s been about a year and a half!” Ginny stated proudly, smiling at Y/N who nodded in return.

“A YEAR AND A HALF!?” 4 voices, one being Mrs. Weasley said in unison.

“Well, how did this all happen?” Mrs. Weasley now smiling rushed forward, pulling Y/N into a second hug for the night. “You’re with my boy. Oh thank goodness. I was really starting to worry that one day he was going to bring home a dragon!”

“Gee, thanks mum.” Charlie sarcastically replied.

“Well, tell us what happened,” Mr. Weasley encouraged. “You won’t get any peace and quiet until you tell this lot the story.”

“Yeah, not even I got the full story!” Ginny giggled, pulling out a chair for Y/N.

“Wait, wait, wait. Y/N. You mean to tell me that you have kissed our brother? The brother that has been in love with dragons since I was born and that used to dress our owl up as a dragon?” Fred asked, disgusted.

“What? He’s passionate,” she giggled.

“EWWW!” the twins replied at the same time.

“Wait,” Ron piped up, “you’re saying that you two just hang out all the time in Romania, working together and seeing each other…after work?”

“Well….actually….” Y/N dragged on, looking over to Charlie.

“We live together,” he grinned broadly for the first time since his family started grilling them.

“LIVE TOGETHER! Y/N no way. He isn’t even that great!” George blurted.

“I think he’s pretty fantastic actually,” Y/N blushed as Charlie stood behind her chair, placing his hands on her shoulders.

“Oh, Fred, George, be quiet. Let them tell their story! We want to know everything! Common, common! Everyone sit down. Have some dessert. Listen to Y/N and Charlie!” Mrs. Weasley commanded.

The room quieted and all eyes were on the newly outed couple.

“Would you like to do the honors?” Y/N asked Charlie.

“I like it better when you tell it, love,” Charlie grinned, kissing Y/N’s forehead.

Ignoring the groans from the boys, Y/N began to tell the story with Charlie interrupting way too often to add in details. Y/N didn’t say anything because it was just so cute how he did it. But, it turned out to be a really wonderful first evening of an even better two weeks. It was really just a great time to be back in England.

[baepsaesbae]

Heal Me, Kill Me Ch.2

Pairing— Kim Taehyung x reader

Genre— Vampire!Taehyung x Vampire Hunter!reader, ANGST, mild smut +18, comedy (i tried), fluff in this chapter

Warnings— Oral (m receiving), good ol making out

Word Count— 7.5k

Summary— You’re one of the best vampire hunters in the world. That’s to be expected when your parents are the best of the best. Your life had solely revolved around ruthlessly killing vampires. You were essentially a cold blooded machine. However, things take a turn once you meet Kim Taehyung, your latest target.

A/N— Huge shoutout to @dee-ehn for this beautiful banner! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, please let me know what you think! Things are starting to get spicy~

You’ve never looked forward to a day of work more than today. Happily making your way to the shop, you found yourself daydreaming about Taehyung. He seemed to be slowly warming up to you throughout the course of yesterday. Maybe he’ll trust you enough to...to what?

Normally you’d automatically kill your targets as soon as you’d earn their trust (but maybe after indulging in some promiscuous activities). But this time around, your mind didn’t go there. You genuinely wanted him to trust you. Why? You had no clue.

You shook the question away. You’ll deal with that problem when you get there. For now, you’ll just take it one step at a time. The first step is officially gaining Taehyung’s trust. 

Humming as you unlocked the front door, you’re unaware of the clouds looming overhead. You prep the store for customers (which you rarely get). The stack of orders had been cut in half thanks to Taehyung’s help. Maybe you could get through all of them together by the end of the day.

Yoongi was right. This alibi was a lot easier and surprisingly, a lot more fun to use. It was more freeing. It gave you the illusion of a normal life. 

  The door chimed.

“Welcome in!” you greeted.

“Good morning, ___,” Taehyung returned your greeting.

“Taehyung! You came!” you beamed.

“I said I would. I always keep my word,” a small smile cracked onto Taehyung’s usually stoic face.

“You think we can finish all of these today?” you waved the orders in his face.

“If you don’t slow me down, definitely,” Taehyung nodded.

“Excuse me? How dare you!” you feigned being upset.

“Oh, I was trying to joke with you. Did I upset you?” Taehyung’s smile disappeared, his eyebrows furrowing with concern.

“Oh my gosh, I know! I was playing along with you, silly boy,” you laughed. 

“Ah, now I’m embarrassed. Truth be told, I don’t get out much. I’m sure you can tell,” Taehyung took the orders from you.

“Honestly, me too. I don’t have any friends,” you confessed.

Why was it so easy to talk to Taehyung? Never in a million years would you divulge any personal details, and yet here you were. 

“Really?” Taehyung seemed surprised, “You seem like the type of person to befriend anything that breathes.”

“Are you teasing me again?” you asked as you gathered the flowers for the first bouquet of the day.

“No, I meant it as a compliment. After all, you managed to get me out of my house. That’s an impressive feat,” Taehyung took the flowers from you. 

“Is it? I wouldn’t know. Because apparently I ‘don’t know you’. But thanks, I guess?” you watched him expertly arrange the flowers in a decadent vase.

“Let’s change that then. Let’s see how much we can learn about each other in one day,” Taehyung stopped what he’s doing to look at you. 

There it goes. Your heart skips a beat again. The kindness in his eyes did something to you that you couldn’t explain. You know you have to lie. Everything you tell him has to be a lie. You knew that. And yet.

“Sure, let’s do it. I’ll start. I’m a dog person. I love dogs!” you smiled. 

Ok, that’s not a lie, but it’s also not important. No harm done. 

“Me too! Ok, off to a good start. What’s your favorite breed?” Taehyung asked excitedly.

That was the start of a never ending conversation. You haven’t had a genuine conversation in ages. Granted, it was all surface level topics, but that didn’t make it any less special. Time flew by as each bouquet was completed. It was nightfall before you knew it.

“We did it!” you exclaimed.

All of the orders had been completed. Once again, vases were scattered all around the shop. You sank down and sat against the counter. It had been a long day. 

Taehyung followed suit, sinking down beside you. He was only a few inches away, yet part of you wished he had sat closer.

“Indeed. And we did it together,” Taehyung smiled at you. 

“Thanks, Taehyung,” you extend your hand towards him.

Taehyung formally shakes it. You sat in silence for a few moments.

“I guess you don’t need me to come by anymore, huh? Now that all of the orders have been completed?” Taehyung asked quietly.

“You’re always welcome here,” you paused for a brief moment, “Hey, how well do you think we know each other now?” you scoot closer to him.

“I’d say that you probably know me better than anyone else by now. No one else knows that I tried to play the saxophone. Thank god, I was terrible at it,” he chuckled, also scooting closer to you. 

“I’ll carry that to my grave, I swear. No one else knows that I love kpop. And it better stay that way,” you playfully glared at him.

“I wouldn’t dare do anything to anger you. I don’t think I’d be able to handle your bad side,” Taehyung patted your head.

His soft gesture made you smile. He was so close to you, your knees were practically touching. You lean closer to him. He leans in ever so slowly. Instead of meeting you in the middle, he gently kisses your forehead. His cold lips left a lasting impression. 

“You’re too sweet, ___. I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered.

“Why would you hurt me?” you looked at him with doe eyes.

“I can’t really explain. I just...don’t want to see you get hurt,” he stroked your cheek. 

“I don’t think anyone can hurt me while you’re around,” you replied. 

That was a beautiful answer, one that would make any vampire fall prey to your fake innocence. Usually, you’d say anything to make them fall for your clutches. This time, you even had yourself falling for your own lie. You felt safe next to Taehyung, as if you were meant to be by his side.

“Well then, ___, if you’re so sure about that,” he said as he stood up, “Will you go on a date with me?” 

“I would be a fool to say no,” you answered as he helped you up.

You loaded up the cart with the last of the bouquet orders. It was a joyful walk to and from the post office. The night sky was speckled with stars. The air was fresh and crisp. You found yourself skipping alongside Taehyung as he effortlessly pulled the heavy cart.

“May I pick you up for our date tomorrow?” he asked, as you both stood in front of the flower shop. 

“Tomorrow? We’re moving pretty quickly,” you observed.

“I’m sorry, am I being too forward? I can wait, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Taehyung took your hand.

“No! You’re fine, Taehyung. You’re such a sweetheart. I’m joking, silly. Yes, tomorrow is perfect. It’s supposed to still be all rainy and gross right?” you laced your fingers between his.

“Yes, it’s like that practically year round here. That’s why I like this place. Can I have your address?” 

“Of course, I can text it to you.”

“I don’t have a phone.”

“Dude, what? It’s the 21st century.”

“I don’t like technology. I suppose you can call me old fashioned.”

“You must be. Old man,” you chuckled as you wrote down your address on a piece of paper. 

“I’m not that old,” Taehyung said defensively.

“Oh, c’mon. I guess a couple hundred years isn’t that old,” you say. 

“W-what?” Taehyung’s eyes widened.

“Joking! Taehyung, you’re too uptight,” you playfully nudged him. 

“Ah, aha ha yes. Good one,” Taehyung forced a nervous laugh. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, goodnight!” you say.

“Goodnight, ___. I’ll see you on the morrow,” Taehyung bowed. 

You’re still ecstatic by the time you get back to the cottage. You’re going on a date! A real life date! I mean, sure, it’s with the person you’re supposed to assassinate, but that part can wait. You haven’t been on a date since...well never. You’d grown accustomed to charming but empty flirtations and one night stands. This time, it actually felt genuine. 

Part of you is beyond excited at the prospect of a real date, but a different part of you is begging you to stop. That part of you wants you to get this over with as soon as possible. Getting too connected with your target will only cause problems later on, you know that. 

‘I can let myself have a little fun. I deserve that much,’ you try to tell yourself. 

A phone call interrupted your thoughts. 

“Hello?” you answered.

“How’d it go? Did you kill him yet? Why haven’t you called?” Yoongi immediately bombarded you with questions. 

“Yoongi, slow down. Today was fine. No, I haven’t killed him yet. I just got back. Also, check in calls are to be made BY the hunter once or twice a week. I’ve talked to you two days in a row this week,” you say, audibly annoyed.

“This mission is different. Your target is extremely dangerous. Do you want me to send in reinforcements?”

“No, I can handle this on my own. I think it’ll take some time to gain Taehyung’s trust.”

“Who?”

“Taehyung. My target’s name.”

“You know that probably a fake name, right?”

“I know, I know. I’m just giving you a heads up that I may be here a while,” you sighed.

Honestly, you felt certain that his real name was Kim Taehyung. You felt certain that everything he’s told you so far is the truth. You’d acquired the useful skill of correctly sensing when someone was lying (many many years of training), but you saw no such signs with Taehyung.

“I appreciate that, I guess. Call me with every update. When are you seeing the target again? Why didn’t you kill him today?” Yoongi pressed more questions.

“I don’t know when I’m seeing him next. We finished all of the orders today, but I told him he’s always welcome in the shop. I’ll be waiting on him to pop by,” you lied, “I couldn’t kill him today because he still never let his guard down,” another lie.

“This guy sounds tricky as hell. I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to seduce you yet. Or is there something you’re not telling me?” Yoongi’s voice raised with suspicion.

“No, this guy is incredibly aloof for a vampire. It’s gonna be a challenge to get him to trust me, but I can do it,” you reassured him.

“Alright. I’ll believe you for now. Don’t hesitate to call. Bye,” Yoongi hung up.

He must really be worried. He never says ‘bye’. He usually just abruptly hangs up. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to tell Yoongi the truth. He would have admonished you for not finishing the job quickly. Suddenly, you began to second guess yourself. Should you go on a date with him? Maybe you should just surprise attack him as soon as he knocks on your door. 

You shook your head. This was stupid. Yoongi was stupid for making you worry. You have everything under control. You might as well enjoy the job while you can. The most important thing to remember is to NOT catch feelings, and you know that. You won’t. You can’t afford to.

You slept in the next morning. Since all the orders had been completed, there was no need to visit the shop. You naturally woke up when the sunlight shone through the blinds, slightly illuminating the room. 

Sitting at your breakfast table with a coffee in one hand and a bagel in the other, you realized that Taehyung never told you when he’d come pick you up. You’d normally assume that he’d pick you up in the evening, but you never know with Taehyung.

You hop into the shower after eating. Getting ready early never hurt anyone. You skim through your closet after you finish showering. You’ve never worn anything cute for a date before. Technically, you could call all your clubbing and partying outfits ‘cute’, but that’s more of a promiscuous cute, not a first date cute.

You try out a style that you’ve always wanted to wear, but never had the opportunity to. You pair an oversized sweater with a simple but flowy skirt. After applying some light makeup, you genuinely felt cute. You twirled in front of your mirror. 

It was early afternoon by the time you finished getting ready. As if by magic, there was a knock on the door as soon as you put on your last accessory. 

‘Hi Taehyung!” you greeted him.

“Good day, ___,” he politely greeted back.

The early morning sun retreated behind dark clouds by the time the afternoon came by. Taehyung held an umbrella over his head as he stood on your doorstep.

“Come in! I just finished getting ready. I actually had no idea what time you’d arrive,” you ushered him in.

“I realized I never told you by the time I got back to my house. I felt so foolish,” Taehyung blushed, “But it seems like I had the perfect timing.”

“Mhm, we must be connected by fate or something,” you giggled. 

“Do you believe in fate?” Taehyung asked, awkwardly standing just inside the threshold of your cottage. 

“Sure, I guess. Life is more fun when you believe in things like that,” you replied, taking his hand to lead him into the living room, “Make yourself at home.”

“Thank you. What do you mean by ‘things like that’?” Taehyung asked after sitting down. 

“Things like fate? Uh, I guess other supernatural things? Would that fall in the supernatural category?” you didn’t know how to answer.

“Most people think of demons or ghosts when they hear the word ‘supernatural’,” Taehyung answered.

“Ok, then maybe it’s some sort of omnipresent power. Who knows. Either way, life is easier if you believe in more things than the shit you can see,” you shrugged.

“Do you believe in supernatural things too?” he asked quietly.

“Like demons or ghosts?” you sat down beside him.

“Sure. Maybe even monsters too. Like werewolves or vampires,” he cast his gaze to the floor. 

“Werewolves or vampires? I don’t think those exist, silly. Or if they do, I’ve never met one,” you laugh.

What was he trying to do? Vampires never expose their true identities until their prey is on death’s doorstep. Is he about to attack?

Your body clenches up. You’re unarmed at the moment. The closest weapon to you is in your room, which is more than 15 feet away. If he attacks you right now, you’re dead. How could you be so stupid? You can’t believe that you let your guard down. 

“Hopefully you never meet one then, if they do exist. I’m sure they’re quite scary,” Taehyung nodded, interrupting your thoughts, “I wanted to take you on a picnic, but the storm outside says otherwise. I brought the food too. Would you like to eat it here?”

“A picnic? Aw, that would have been so cute. Sure, we can eat here. Do you wanna watch a movie while we eat?”

“We can watch a movie after we eat, if that’s okay with you. Again, I’m kind of old school, I guess. I apologize for not being able to take you on a proper date,” he frowned.

You set up your breakfast table as Taehyung retrieved the food. He came back with a stereotypical wicker basket. God, a picnic date would have put you over the moon.

“I made hamburgers. I brought the add ons since I don’t know what you like on them,” he brought out the food, “I also brought fruit and a bottle of wine. Do you drink?”

“I drink occasionally. This all looks incredible. You cook?” you gawked at all the food.

“Occasionally. I grew these fruits myself,” Taehyung looked rather proud of himself as he showed off his strawberries.

He picked one and brought it up to your face to let you examine it. It was a rather small strawberry, but it was as red as a cardinal. You reach forward to bite it, your lips grazing Taehyung’s fingers.

Taehyung let out a small gasp of surprise at your intimate gesture. Whether you were flirting or just being adorable, he couldn’t decipher. He hasn’t felt anything for anyone in centuries. Of every human he has encountered, you were by far the most intriguing.

“This is the sweetest strawberry I’ve ever had!” you cheered as your face contorted when the sugariness set in.

Taehyung laughed at you as he ate one himself, “I’m happy you like them. Please, help yourself to as many as you’d like. Eating them all by myself has been quite lonely.”

The table was finally set, and the meal was laid out beautifully. Taehyung reached out for hamburger buns when you smacked his hand away.

“Did I forget something--” he started to question.

“Phone eats first,” you explained, whipping out your phone to take pictures.

Once you were satisfied with your food photoshoot, you gestured for Taehyung to take his food. He shook his head disapprovingly at you but silently began making his burger. 

The medium rare patty was juicy (just the way you like it), and the vegetables tasted as if they had just been picked that morning. Taehyung watched you as you ate, hoping his food was enough to please you.

“How is it? Is everything to your liking? Is the meat too raw?” he asked in a rapid fire succession when he could no longer contain himself.

“Taehyung, this is honestly the best meal I’ve ever had. Everything seems so fresh! And the meat???” you pantomimed a chef’s kiss.

“Thank goodness,” Taehyung let out a long exhale as a wave of relief washed over him, “Would you like a glass of wine?”

“Maybe later,” you replied as you made your second burger.

“Okay. Just know that this pairs exquisitely with the burgers,” Taehyung said, already making his fourth one.

“Wine and burgers? That’s an odd pairing,” you raise an eyebrow at him.

“How would you know? You haven’t even tried it yet,” Taehyung scoffed.

Was he teasing you? Joking around with him felt so natural. You could get used to every meal being like this.

‘Wait. No. Don’t be so naive’, you scolded yourself.

“Ok fine! Pour me a glass so I can see for myself,” you rolled your eyes.

“I really only asked because I wanted to open the bottle already,” Taehyung grinned. 

With a now empty bottle and full stomachs, the two of you happily conversed across the table. Your laughs were genuine whenever Taehyung said something outlandish (which he often did). His gaze on you was nothing but fond as he examined your delicate features. Everything about you was alluring, and he could not figure out why.

“Let’s watch a movie,” you suggested, already getting out of your seat.

“We can watch whatever you want,” Taehyung smiled as you took him by the hand to lead him to the couch.

“We can scroll through Netflix to see what they have. You cold?” you asked.

“Technically I’m always cold,” Taehyung answers quickly, but then rushes to add, “Because it’s always a little chilly here.”

“Sure, okay. Well, I’m cold so I’m gonna use this blanket,” you dropped down beside him.

Taehyung awkwardly shifted to give you more room. You scooted even closer to him. Again, he tried to scoot away to give you some space.

“Taehyung.”

“Yes?”

“Would you like to cuddle with me under the blanket? Body warmth goes a long way,” you offered bluntly.

“I...would that be okay with you?” Taehyung shyly glanced at you.

“I asked, so yes of course it would be okay, silly,” you threw the blanket over him.

You snuggled up beside him as you scrolled through Netflix. At first, Taehyung was extremely tense. Over time, you felt him begin to relax, and he even began to lean into you. Eventually, you got him to wrap his arm around you. You could feel the coolness of his skin even through his sweater, but that’s to be expected. In all honesty, you forgot what he was for a little bit. 

Now would be the perfect time to end it all. He has let his guard down, his eyes glued to the TV screen. You glanced at him, admiring his side profile. There was no way a mere human could look that handsome. His lips moved slightly as he read the movie titles to himself. He realized you were watching him, and returned your gaze.

“Can I help you, ___?” he asked quietly.

“Possibly, if you’d like,” you whispered back.

“I would help you with anything, my dear ___,” Taehyung replied.

“Kiss me?” you say just inches away from his lips.

Taehyung obliged, bringing his hand to your cheek to guide you to him. His icy thumb trailed along your cheek down to your lips. You hesitated, looking at him with doe eyes. Not once have you ever felt nervous about kissing someone. It never mattered. But here, with him, everything was different. 

Taehyung leaned in, pressing his plush lips against yours. You embraced the coolness of his lips as it somehow felt refreshing. You finally dove in headfirst, greeting his gentle kiss with your own. Soon, the gentleness became harsher as you kissed him deeper.

Now straddling his lap, the prospect of movie watching had been forgotten. The blanket was tossed aside as Taehyung’s hands began to roam across your back. 

Your tongues intertwined wherever they met, be it in his mouth or yours. You pulled back slightly so you could remove your shirt before Taehyung stopped you.

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

“There will be plenty of time for that later. For now, will you let me kiss those lips that I have foolishly been missing for all my life?” Taehyung softly requested, running his hand through your hair.

There was nothing you could say to express what you felt in that moment. Never before has anyone wooed you like this. You granted his request by pulling him into you. Every act of intimacy felt so personal. Almost as if there was a real connection.

After more kissing, you sank back to lay beside Taehyung. This time, you sprawled out on the couch and rested your head on his lap. Taehyung smiled down at you as he stroked your hair. 

“On a scale of 1-10, how was this date?” he asked.

“Solid 9.”

“Why not a 10?”

“You didn’t want to see me with my shirt off.”

“What! It’s not like I don’t want to! Pardon my vulgarity, but I want to see you with everything off.”

“Then why didn’t you let me strip?” you were genuinely curious.

“I don’t want to rush you. I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to do,” he started twirling your hair between his fingers. 

“I was obviously wanting to take my shirt off,” you giggled. He starts to open his mouth to reply but you cut him off, “But thank you. I really appreciate that, Taehyung. You really are such a gentleman.”

“I try to be, anyway,” he said.

“What do you want to do for our next date?” you inquire.

“Next date? Don’t you think we’re moving too fast?” Taehyung teased you, “Would you like to take a walk around my estate?”

“You’re taking me on a walk? Am I a dog to you?” you feign being offended, but now Taehyung understands when you’re being playful.

“If you were a dog you’d be a cute little pomeranian. Adorable and tiny. All bark and no bite,” Taehyung boops your nose.

“If you were a dog you’d be a chihuahua. Annoying,” you quickly retorted.

“Not true. I feel like I’m more dignified, like a Great Dane or a Doberman,” Taehyung shook his head.

“Sure thing, silly. A walk actually sounds relaxing. As long as you can promise me that it won’t be raining, I’d love to go on a walk with you,” you finally answered him. 

“The storm should clear up in three days. Can I come pick you up then?”

“I can drive myself.”

“But I want to pick you up.”

“Why?”

“To be chivalrous. But also so that I can see you sooner,” Taehyung looked away in embarrassment.

“Aw, are you gonna miss me?” you teased.

“Maybe, maybe not,” Taehyung teased back.

You repositioned yourself back to straddling his lap. You hugged him, wrapping your arms around him like a koala. He chuckled and hugged you back as he thought about how adorable you were.

This seemingly innocent gesture had not so innocent motives. You began to rub yourself against his groin. Your panties were beginning to soak under your skirt. Taehyung didn’t protest. Instead, you heard him breathing in deeply as you rubbed against him harder.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked in a tone you haven’t heard before.

“Giving you a reason to miss me,” you answered.

Your hand snaked between your thighs to tease his clothed erection. He sighed as you took hold of him. You felt him up through his pants, and you pleasantly figured out that he’s well endowed. Just the thought of him fucking you with his huge cock made your mouth water. 

“Can I make you feel good?” you seductively whispered into his ear.

“You can do whatever you want with me, I’m all yours,” he replied.

You get off, and kneel before him. You asked him to remove his pants and underwear as you tied up your hair. He obediently followed your request. 

Your eyes widened as his cock was revealed. Just like you thought, its impressive length was matched by its delectable girth. It even curved down slightly, which for some reason turned you on even more. 

You pumped him slowly as you admired his dick. Soon, you began to tease him by swirling your tongue around his tip. Taehyung groaned and clutched your ponytail. You looked up at him to see that his eyes were shut and his mouth was wide open.

You licked up his length while you fondled his balls. Taehyung tightened his grip on your ponytail, urging you to stop teasing him. Finally, you wrapped your lips around him as you began to suck him off. The wet sounds echoed around the room. You started your pace off slowly, but gradually picked up. Your hands followed your lips as you bounced up and down. You gagged every time he hit the back of your throat. Feeling the walls of your throat spasm around him caused Taehyung to moan even louder. Tears welled in your eyes as he held himself inside your mouth longer.

In an attempt to let yourself breathe, you went back to swirling around his tip. His dick was now covered in your saliva, so you firmly pumped him while you worked on his tip.

“K-keep going. Just like that. I’m gonna--” Taehyung didn’t finish his sentence before cumming in your mouth. 

His cum was surprisingly hot as it exploded into your mouth and dribbled down your chin. 

“How was that?” you asked as you wiped away his cum with the back of your hand.

Taehyung was slouching against the couch, still panting. He pulled you back onto his lap before answering, “I had a reason to miss you before, but now I’ll miss you even more.”

“Oh? What was your reasoning before?” you cooed.

“I believe I have formulated a crush on you,” he kissed the top of your head.

“Damn, that sucks,” you shrugged, “Sucks that I have a crush on you too.”

“___,” Taehyung said softly.

“Yes?” you gazed up at him.

“Will you be my girlfriend? I know we haven’t known each other long but--”

“Yes. I’d be honored to be your girlfriend,” you embraced him, “You still wanna watch a movie?”

“Sure, my darling. Let’s do that,” Taehyung squeezed you, almost a little too tight, but you didn’t mind.

“Moana!” you exclaimed as you stumbled upon it.

“Isn’t this a children’s movie?” Taehyung said in protest.

“Yes. It’s also great. Judging by your reaction, you’ve never seen it before so we’re gonna change that,” you clicked on the movie and instantly threw away the remote.

The rest of the day was spent watching Moana. Taehyung was amused by how you knew each song and sang along with the movie. He wouldn’t admit it, but he enjoyed the movie. It was beautifully animated and he appreciated the deep meanings behind it.

You walked Taehyung to the door after the movie ended. He tenderly kissed your cheek as you hugged him goodbye.

“So, I’ll come pick you up in three days time?” Taehyung wanted to clarify.

“No, I’m driving myself over to your place,” you stood your ground.

“As you like,” Taehyung pouted. He’s never done that before. Seeing his cute little puppy eyes almost made you change your mind. You ushered him out before you could do so.

You watched him drive into the distance as the rain poured. It had been storming all day. You couldn’t contain how giddy Taehyung made you feel. You had a boyfriend! Your very first boyfriend, and he was practically a god.

Well, he was a vampire. That you were sent to exterminate. 

Your heart deflated at the thought. How could you be so stupid? You got so caught up in the act that you actually let yourself get carried away. 

However, this didn’t feel like an act anymore. If anything, Taehyung knows more about you than anyone else in the world. 

What if...you just never went back to the VEC? Maybe you could convince Taehyung to run away with you. 

No, that would be impossible. The VEC had eyes everywhere, and were capable of anything. For the first time in your life, you didn’t want to kill someone. Your perpetual anger at the world dispelled itself whenever you were with Taehyung. 

Instead of calling Yoongi, you decided to text him.

[7:36pm] Still alive. This job is gonna be a long one, but I got it handled. I won’t reach out again until the job is done.

[7:36pm from Yoongles] K

Perfect. That should keep Yoongi off of your ass for a while. At least a month. 

The days that you didn’t see Taehyung felt like an eternity. You went to the shop to keep up appearances, but just watched anime on your laptop the whole time. 

The elderly couple from before showed up at the shop again. You contently watched them admire the flowers as they walked hand in hand. They brought up the same arrangement of flowers as last time. 

“You look different today, dear,” the woman observed.

“Oh yeah? How so, ma’am?” you smiled politely.

“Oh, you’re right dear! She seems happier somehow, the air about her is lighter,” the man nodded in agreement.

“Perhaps now she’s in love. At the very least, there’s someone she’s thinking about right now. Good for you dear! I hope it all works out,” the woman patted your hand as you handed the flowers back over to her. You simply laughed with them as they exited the shop, but your smile dropped as soon as they were out of sight. Their words resonated with you. You’re not in love. That’s absurd. However, you can't deny your fat crush on Taehyung. It’ll subside once you dispose of him. At least, that’s what you think to reassure yourself. 

The day of your second date with Taehyung had arrived. It was weird not being able to text or call him. All your previous assignments that took more time loved sexting you. Taehyung was by far your most peculiar case.

The rainfall had finally subsided as you drove over to Taehyung’s estate. The jewelry you wore was crafted to hold small amounts of holy water, perfect for poisoning a vampire’s food. You dabbled in the art of poison in your free time, and managed to develop a toxin that would instantly immobilize even the strongest of vampires. You kept a vial of that on you at all times. You even equipped your best dagger, hiding it within your clothing.

You took a deep breath as you pulled up to the driveway. Today could be the day. If he gave you an opening, you had to take it. You couldn’t keep lying to yourself. 

‘He doesn’t care about you. He only wants to feed on you,’ You repeated those accusatory thoughts to yourself in the hopes of actually believing in them. 

Taehyung was waiting for you, sitting on the ledge of the rundown fountain. He happily waved at you as you walked up to greet him. 

“___! How are you? How was the drive?” Taehyung kissed your cheeks as soon as you were within reach.

“I’m doing well, how have you been? The drive was uneventful, but I’m sure you’re used to that driving around here,” you giggled at his friendliness.

Taehyung was as stoic as a statue when you first met him. Now, he was a sweet talkative guy with boyish charms. 

“It’s quiet around here. But that’s why I like it. Shall we begin our walk? There are so many things I want to show you!” Taehyung took your hand and tugged you along.

Weaving his icy fingers with yours, you struggled to keep up with his pace. 

“Taehyung! Slow down, we have all day,” you cried out.

“Sorry, my darling. I just haven’t been this excited in a very long time,” Taehyung apologized.

“How long?” you poked.

“Centuries,” he smiled. You knew he wasn’t lying. You giggled to play along with his joke. 

His estate had vast grounds. At first glance, it seemed like the property was overgrown, but you realized you were wrong the further away you ventured. 

Taehyung was following a small trail that looked like it had been worn out through the years. The treeline got thicker as you guys walked along, progressively turning into a forest. Taehyung was talking the whole time. He was spouting facts and stories about the various plants you stumbled across.

‘So it’s not just flowers. He just really loves nature,’ you thought to yourself. 

“Am I boring you? You haven’t said a thing,” Taehyung looked back at you.

“Not at all! I’m learning a lot. I’m intently listening to you, I promise,” you hold out a pinky to him. Taehyung wraps his pinky around yours and continues to lead you down the trail.

“Oh! This is my lake. Do you like to fish?” Taehyung asked as you entered a small clearing.

A dock jutted off of the shoreline of an expansive lake. The lake went on as far as the eye can see. You could barely make out the treeline on the other side. 

“This is your lake? You own the entire thing?” you asked in amazement. 

“It’s all within my property lines, so yes,” Taehyung nodded, “Do you like fishing, dear?”

“Fishing is okay I guess. I prefer to eat the fish,” you answered, “Maybe we could kayak or something here?”

“Noted. I have a small rowboat we can take out to the middle sometime. You can take a nap while I fish,” Taehyung jokes. 

“Sounds like a fine date to me,” you replied.

“Okay! Moving on,” Taehyung (with your pinky still intertwined with his) spun you around and led you back to the trail. 

Next, he led you to his garden. He pointed out his strawberry patch, letting you pick the ripest one. He proudly showed you his vegetables too, ranging from lettuce to cucumbers.

“You have such a great green thumb! Every plant I try to raise dies instantly. Even cacti,” you sighed glumly.

“Aw, it’s okay dear. Perhaps you can help me tend to my garden sometime,” Taehyung pecked your cheek.

“Sounds like another fine date,” you returned his kiss with one of your own.

Taehyung explained that the trail goes around his property in a small loop. He had much more land, however he didn't use it for anything. He explained that he values his privacy, but didn’t expound on it. You already knew the reason why anyway. 

The treeline began to thin out. Soon, you were traversing through a field of tall ferns. Silently walking through the field, you noticed a patch of ferns that had been crushed, almost as if someone sat on them.

Your heart sank. You stopped in your tracks. Your observant eyes saw subtle dark brown spots that littered the patch of squished ferns. This must have been where your parents were found. 

You’d been denying the truth this entire trip. Taehyung really had murdered your parents. The proof was right there. He was nothing more than a vampire. A cold blooded killer with only one motive. It was suddenly getting hard to breathe.

“___? ___?” Taehyung shook your shoulder, snapping you back to reality, “Are you okay? You suddenly stopped walking and spaced out.”

“I’m good! Sorry, I thought I saw something,” you reassured him.

“What did you see?” he asked.

“I thought I saw a rabbit. Then my thoughts wandered to rabbits and I guess I got caught up in it,” you lied. 

“Ah, I understand. I do that all the time,” Taehyung patted your head.

All the warm feelings you had towards him were gone. They were replaced by anger and hatred, the feelings you should have had the whole time. You were going to kill him today. He just needed to put himself in a vulnerable position.

“We’re almost back to the house. Would you like some tea?” Taehyung offered.

“That would be perfect,” you smiled. Perfect indeed. All you had to do was slip in some holy water. His mouth will burn upon impact, giving you the perfect opportunity to swoop in for the kill. 

He led you into his house through the back door. The interior was surprisingly modern with a sleek minimalist style. Despite the exterior looking like it was from the Victorian era, the inside was furnished with simple black furniture to compliment the light grey walls.

“It’s not much,” Taehyung said when he noticed you looking around, “I live alone so there’s no need to make this place feel inviting. Well, at least there was no need.” 

You faked a smile at his comment. 

“Make yourself at home, dear. The dining table is over there. I'll bring the tea when it’s ready,” Taehyung planted a soft kiss against your forehead.

A shiver ran down your spine. The once sweet gesture now felt like a threat. Your leg bounced uncontrollably as you waited for Taehyung to join you. Now is the time. It’s now or never.

He placed an ornate teacup atop a fancy saucer in front of you. You graciously accepted it. 

“This is my favorite flavor, I hope you like it,” Taehyung said as he lifted his cup to you.

You mimicked his action, clinking your cups. Bringing the cup to your lips, you take your first sip. It was sweeter than expected, but the flavor was pleasant overall. 

“Can you guess what flavor it is?” Taehyung asked.

“Something fruity...blackberry?” you answered.

“Close! It’s raspberry. Raspberries tend to be less tart than blackberries,” he explained, “Oh! I have the perfect cake to pair with this too! I’m a bit of a foodie if you hadn’t noticed.”

“All that walking made me hungry so that sounds great,” you replied.

“Wait here, I’ll be right back,” he smiled before departing. 

His drink was left unattended, giving you the opportunity to tamper with it. You debated whether you should put in holy water or your special poison. You decide to go with the holy water, that way you can still talk to him after you restrain him. With a quick push of a hidden button on your ring, a few droplets of holy water fell into Taehyung’s tea. 

Taehyung returned with a small lemon cake, placing it between the saucers. He cut you a slice before serving himself. Eagerly waiting for you to take the first bite, he looked pleased when a smile crept on your face. 

“This is delicious! Where’d you buy it?” you asked.

“I made it myself! I finally perfected it after a bunch of trial and error,” he beamed as he began to eat his slice.

“Let’s toast to this occasion, to celebrate the beginning of a new relationship,” you held out your cup. You’re ready to pounce as soon as he takes a sip. The concealed weapon hidden in your sleeve was prepped and ready to spring out as soon as you attacked.

“A toast to this momentous occasion,” Taehyung held his cup out. It’s nearly time. He paused for a second.

“Can I say something first?” Taehyung lowered his cup.

“Of course, is something wrong?” you tried to conceal the panic in your voice. Had he finally caught on? Your body tensed up as you prepared for a fight.

“Nothing is wrong, dear. I just...I want to get something off my chest,” he took a deep breath, “I had been extremely bored with life for God knows how long. I value my security and seclusion for personal reasons, however I never craved for interactions with anyone. I’ve preferred to be alone for the longest time. Mostly because I don’t want to cause problems for anyone anymore. The last time I interacted with people it ended rather poorly.”

You set your cup down to listen to him, fully engaged in his speech while still being on high alert.

“Everything changed when I met you. I can’t explain it. Normally I would have shooed you away, but something about you made me want to help you. Maybe my interest in flowers got the better of me, who knows? Then, I had the pleasure of getting to know you more when I made the bouquets with you. I can’t tell you the last time I had a genuine conversation with someone. Everything feels so natural with you. I want you to know that I will never hurt you. I will never lie to you. I despise lies above all else. Lastly, I wanted to thank you. Thank you for taking the wrong turn and stumbling into my life. I’m excited to start a new chapter with you, ___.”

You were speechless. Not one word of his was laced with magic. His speech was pure and genuine. How can someone this thoughtful be capable of murdering your parents?

“What happened to the people you last interacted with?” you questioned.

Taehyung flinched at your response. Out of all the things he said, that’s what you chose to respond to? Taehyung shook his apprehension away and chalked it up to your curiosity.

“Many years ago I lost someone I was very fond of. I suppose I never wanted to go through that pain ever again,” he answered solemnly. That’s not what you meant to ask. You were intrigued but needed answers to more pressing matters first.

“So you’ve never interacted with anyone since then?” you pressed the issue.

“Well I had some nuisances bothering me somewhat recently but I don’t think that is important,” Taehyung averted his gaze from you.

“Nuisances? How so?” you expertly concealed your growing rage. 

“They wouldn’t leave me alone after I politely asked them to vacate my property,” he curtly answered.

“Why were they here?” you prodded.

“Does that matter?” Taehyung’s voice rose, causing you to shrink into your chair.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. That doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that we’re together now. We can take on the world together, you and me. I want to give you the world, darling,” Taehyung quickly apologized after seeing that he startled you.

“Thank you, Taehyung. You really are the best gentleman I have ever met. Thanks for loving flowers so much that you ended up talking to me, I guess,” you smiled politely as you lifted your cup.

Now you were conflicted. Surely there was more to the story between him and your parents. You needed answers. Taehyung doesn’t seem to be violent at all. His kindhearted nature made it hard to believe that he was capable of such atrocities. 

“Cheers, darling,” Taehyung clinked your cup.

You watched intently as he brought his cup to his lips. His movements seemed to be happening in slow motion, torturing you. 

“Wait!” you cried out, “Let’s switch cups. For good luck.”

“Huh?” Taehyung lowered his cup in confusion.

“I used to do that with my parents. We’d switch cups at the last minute for good luck,” you lied. Hopefully Taehyung would buy into it.

“Sure. What an interesting notion,” Taehyung observed as he switched cups with you.

“The key is doing it last minute, that way luck won’t escape you,” you admonished yourself for such a shitty explanation. 

“That makes sense,” Taehyung nodded thoughtfully. Thank god he’s a bit odd. 

You drank the cup containing the holy water. You could have easily killed Taehyung today, but you needed to know more about your parent’s death. The VEC wasn’t going to tell you jack shit. Perhaps it was time to go a little rogue. 

Published October 9th, 2020. No editing, copying, translating, or reposting allowed. All Rights Reserved © 2020 Baepsaesbae.

[some-stars]

Fic writer questionnaire! Tagged by @deputychairman, thank you!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

65....just waiting for 69 so i can celebrate

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

288,609

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

okay, so, there's a lot so we're gonna collapse some. So, 16: The Witcher (games and show), Supernatural, Dark Angel, Glee, Stargate (both SG1 and SGA), MCU, Vampire Diaries, Teen Wolf, due South, DC (comics and movies), House of Leaves, Sense8, Harry Potter, Les Miserables (book), Doctor Who, and X-Men movies. Oh, and I wrote a lot of NSYNC RPF back in the day but you will never see it. (Unless you literally read it back then and remember one and want to reread it, I’m not ashamed of them if you were also in the pit with me. If that is the case feel free to ask.)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?  

all some children do is work: this one surprised me, i did NOT think there was this kind of appetite for almost-gen turned-into-a-kid fic, but i do really like the fic itself so i'm contented with its acclaim

method: i mean, it's fake dating, written back when there wasn't much non-modern-AU fake dating in witcher fandom (possibly there still isn't?) so, not surprised

Emergency Pants: this is the one that the Claw chose back in 2012 bc i had written very pornographic tony/bruce about a month after Avengers came out so there was a big appetite for it. i don't much care for it these days except i do still think the tony voice is good

warm you like the sunshine: deeply unsurprised this one is popular (and it's one of my own fics that i reread a lot), it's extremely tender BDSM with a juggernaut pairing, that gets the readers

As often as from thee I go: honestly kinda surprised about this one, which is just a 2500 word confection i wrote for my own satisfaction, but it does have explicit sex and jaskier crying about his feelings so maybe it makes sense

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I almost always do, but usually just with "Thanks!" unless it's a detailed or lengthy comment.

6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

"Long black night, morning frost" (Les Miserables) for absolute certain. One of the very few fics I've written with an outright unhappy and pessimistic ending (although I found it very cathartic to write). For Witcher fics, "Kind" and "go ask alice" are about as sad as I get.

7) What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Almost all of them, honestly. There's a point in happiness of endings where you really can't distinguish degrees. Probably the most--not saccharine, but distinctly Happy Ending-ish is either "Water like a stone" or "Darling, if you only knew," which to my eternal shame are both Glee fics. In terms of Witcher fics...it's still hard to pick! I think the kidfic trilogy ended very, very happily; I think "If you live through this with me" ended TOO happily.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've written?

I do not, and I don't read them, at least not since the days of the late 90s/early 2000s when I once read a really good Highlander/X-Files crossover (oh, and Martha's cosmic horror fic where Stargate and Angel and I think something else all cross over but it feels quite natural and right). I don't like fusions, either, most of the time.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Never! In 20 years! I've been extremely lucky.

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

ahahahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

yes...yes you could say i write smut. on occasion. you know, when the urge comes on me. i write mostly kink or at least kink-adjacent fic, but i've done some vanilla scenes too, and i write m/m and m/f and (occasionally) f/f. fun fact, my only rimming scene to date was in a f/f/f threesome!

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think so? I can't remember, honestly, which sounds dreadful but like...I don't READ the translation, because I am sadly monolingual, but I get a burst of delight when someone asks to do it (or to make a podfic).

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have tried--me and a friend once got like 12k deep into a co-written Tiger and Bunny fic--but it doesn't really work out for me. I am a massive control freak when it comes to writing and absolutely miserable to work with. (Although I wasn't so bad back when we wrote the T&B fic, we just sort of never got around to finishing it. Which is sad, because it was GREAT.)

14) What's your all time favorite ship?

Max/Alec from Dark Angel. I shipped it when I only started watching DA for Jensen's episodes, I shipped it when I fell in love with Max, I shipped it when I frantically hand-wrote notes about the fic I wanted to write, I ship it right now as I'm typing, I will ship it in my grave. Also it's not a het ship bc neither of them are heterosexual, thank you very much.

15) What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I only post finished fics, but in terms of things I haven't posted, I still think my "For A Good Time Call" fem!jaskier/yennefer(/geralt) AU would have been truly incredible. If you haven't watched that movie go watch it immediately so you can share this beautiful idea with me.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Ohhh, this and the next one are hard, because I truly don't know. Well, besides "porn." I am genuinely good at porn, which is HILARIOUS considering how many more sex scenes I've written than participated in. But overall, I have so much angst and neurosis and tenuous self-worth tied up in writing, I'm a very bad judge of my own skills. Also, it depends on the fandom! In some fandoms I'm good at dialogue, in others not so much. In some fandoms I'm good at pastiching the tone of the source and in others...Not So Much.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

If I had to pick a weakness, though, I'd say concrete imagery/detail. Like, the things that characters are physically doing either out of emotional reaction or just, they're doing something in that scene. Dialogue is usually easier (not sure if it comes out better, but it's easier).

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?  

I used to be mildly annoyed at it but! Now! On AO3! You can put a footnote by the French or whatever, so the reader can jump down to read a translation and then jump right back up. I now feel that if you choose to include dialogue (or any words) in another language from the rest of the story, this is the only acceptable method.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I remember vaguely in 1996 or so writing a couple pages of Kit whump for the Young Wizards books. I wrote some execrable nonsense in X-Files, but in my defense I had just turned 13. I don't THINK I wrote anything for Star Trek, which was my first fandom. Oh, and I attempted to write fic for Homicide, which I watched in 7th and 8th grade and lied about my age to get onto the good mailing lists (they were actually the bad, racist mailing lists, I would later realize, but again I was 13).

20) What's your favorite fic you've written?

Sorry to disappoint anyone who follows me for Witcher content, but it's either "The absolute absurdity of end-series items" (House of Leaves) or "A quite unlosable game" (Dark Angel). They are both Big Idea fics, and I feel like in both of them I got the Idea across brilliantly, and I'm truly proud of them and think they're the best things I've ever made. (In terms of Witcher fic, it's the kidfic trilogy for sure.)

I am not going to tag anyone because that always makes me mildly anxious, but if you read this and you want to do it you can say you were tagged by me! :D? :D?

[someguynamedstevewrites]

My Roommate is an Apparition: WHAT A HORRIBLE NIGHT TO HAVE A DAD - Part 2

Based on characters created by @reddpenn

————————————-

Oh man, am I late on posting this.  So many things going on.  Not to mention figuring out how to follow up the first part.

It seems people really like the first-person narration from “A-Pink-Ciation of Culture”, so I went with that again with this piece.

Almost DAILY, I get likes or re-blogs and the occasional follower despite not having posted anything since March.  I’m very curious and would like to hear from you readers about what you like about my writing and what appeals to you.  Eventually, I want to make a living off of writing, but until that time, I definitely could use any and all feedback.

Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, on with the story!

 From the Diary of Lily, March 1st, 2020:

Okay, diary, I’m coming to you because I honestly have no idea where else to go to try and sort through the evening I just had with my Dad and Tulpa.   I can’t put my finger on it, but something about tonight just... bothers me!  It’s like I’m on pins and needles and can’t stop thinking about, well, a LOT of stuff.  Just... hear me out and maybe it’ll make sense if I put this all down on paper (I.E. You).  I just spent the last twenty minutes trying to talk things through out loud, but that got me nowhere so here goes nothing:

First off, my Dad came to visit a week earlier than what I had planned, and immediately sets up shop in my living room with his NES and copy of Castlevania III.  Only problem was I hadn’t talked with Tulpa about his visit since I was expecting him until NEXT weekend.  I kept thinking that the last thing I wanted was for anything weird to happen during his visit.

Which, looking back on it, was a really stupid thing to worry about.

I mean, Dad’s a pretty open-minded guy and he’s quite weird himself.  He’s actually quite proud of his weirdness (embarrassing as it is sometimes).  He tends to under-react to all kinds of things like it’s no big deal.  I’ve even asked him why he doesn’t freak out about some of the stuff he comes across in real life or on TV, and he just tells me, “I’ve seen weirder.”   (If some of the stories he’s told me are true, then he has.  He really, REALLY has!)

For example: if Tulpa had come into the room holding a... I dunno, a plate or something, like would that really freak my Dad out?  Pfft, No!  He (maybe?) wouldn’t see her, all he’d see was a “flying saucer” (he deliberately would make that lame pun too), and then get back to his game.  Then later, he’d try and tell me about the real flying saucers he saw years ago, or something.

Since I had assumed that Dad wouldn’t have been able to see her, it eventually clicked in my head that what I was actually worrying about was, “what would Tulpa think of my Dad?”  He’s a huge Goofus that likes to make bad jokes, tell tall tales, and play video games!  And even if he did weird her out, it’s not like she could go anywhere... right?  I mean, she might avoid interacting with me because of him, but...

Oh...

Oh wow...

I just read what I just wrote and I can not believe I was being THAT irrational!  ( Man, people are stupid sometimes; me included!)

Avoid me because of my DAD!?   That’s gotta be the dumbest thing I’ve ever thought!   It’s not like he LIVES here or anything!   He’s not the one paying the rent; I am!  And... I’ve gotten to know Tulpa pretty well these past few months, but... I guess I still have a lot more to learn about her.  Case in point:

————————————-

So Tulpa tells me that she wants to meet my Dad, and after coming to my senses somewhat, I say she can sit in so long as she doesn’t touch anything (see flying saucer explanation above).  A few minutes later, she walks in looking like the tall girl from Keep Your Hands off Eizouken (I had to look the name up; I couldn’t remember it for the life of me).  By that I mean, she’s coming in as a tall, lanky, skinny, somewhat pale skinned girl looking to be about my age.  She’s wearing some modest clothes and, if I’m being honest with myself, they looked kind of cute in that outfit they had on.  It was a nice ensemble.

Then Dad says “Hi” to her.

...

Let me repeat that in case it hasn’t clicked with you yet.

My Dad GREETED her!

He! SAW! Her!

When I asked her about it later, she said to me that she thought that since he’s my Dad, then whatever it is that allows me to see her could be something my Dad has too.  So far, her theory has been proven right, but... I’m not one-hundred percent sure, because Tulpa... well... she changed.

And I’m being literal here, too!  She no longer had that transparency to her like usual.  She had a nose!  She had ears!  She had five fingers!  And she looked...

...well...

...good.

Tulpa said she had never tried doing this before, but figured that in the off-chance that her hunch was correct, she wanted to make a good impression on my Dad.  (Why do I keep thinking about that old joke in movies and TV shows about the overprotective Dad that threatens the boy about to go on a date with their daughter?)  She even went so far as to create her own “clothes”, saying she knew they’d be important.  Considering that she doesn’t wear (or need) clothes any other time, I ask her how she came to that conclusion.  I still have no idea what she meant when she suddenly bellowed out, “GOOD...!  GRIEF...!  HE’S...!  NAKED!”

[Edit:  It’s from Spongebob, because of course it was.]

So I’m not sure if Dad could see her because she purposely made herself opaque, or if he would have been able to see her if she wasn’t in her human “disguise” (and yes, I’m calling it a disguise and I’ll explain why a bit later, okay?).  But either way, she walks in and my Dad just starts chatting away like so:

————————————-

“Hi there! You must be Lily’s roommate!” says Dad.

At this point, I’m kind of frozen solid on the couch, just watching and listening as everything unfolds in front of me like it’s being burned into my retinas.  You know that saying about slow-motion train wrecks? Y’know, about how you can’t look away from them? This is probably why I remember the conversation so well.

“Heh...Hello,” she responds back nervously.

“I’m Lily’s Dad,” he says as if it wasn’t obvious, “Hope you don’t mind if we play some games out here.”

Tulpa shakes her head and stutters out, “No...N-not at all.”

“Great!” Dad responded with a smile that said, “Even if it was bothering you, I’m still going to take up the TV and play video games.  So nyeh!”  I’ve lived with him long enough to know that he’s not someone who would give up the TV without a fight.

(...gee... that kind of reminds me of someone now that I think about it...)

Tulpa then asks, “M-mind if... I watch?”

Dad gives her this big, goofy smile and responds with a, “Sure thing!” since despite him never admitting to it, he always liked having an audience around when he played games (or almost anything really) in hopes of “schooling” them. (Why he didn’t go into teaching, I will never understand.)

As soon as Dad turns back to his game and un-pauses it, Tulpa smiled, sat back, and looked content (Although it was a little weird seeing her smile with a nose to go along with it.) This snaps me out of my stupor long enough to scootch over to Tulpa and chat with her.

“You actually want to watch him play?” I ask her once more because the mere thought that she’d be interested in something outside of cartoons still hadn’t registered in my head, yet.

“Yeah...” she says as she starts to stare at the screen like she usually does during her cartoon time. “...sounded... familiar,” she said before looking up slightly while lost in thought, “...Simon... Belmont... Mega... Man... Kid... Icarus...” she said again as though that meant something. To me it just sounded almost like some kind of madness mantra, but...

“Oh! You mean Captain N: The Game Master!” my Dad chimed in out of seemingly nowhere.

“YES!” Tulpa said with excitement (worth noting that she doesn’t look excited very often, but when she does, she practically glows). “I remember...” she said before pausing to collect her thoughts and form the words she wanted to say. If I could have, I would have warned her about my Dad’s tendency to pounce on any hesitation in a conversation to take it over.

“Man, I haven’t seen Captain N in decades,” he said wistfully, “Surprised someone young as you remembers it.   I was in High School when that show came on!   When did you see it?”

“Ummm...” she hesitated, “...reruns... when I was... a kid.”

(As I’m writing this down now, I realize she was trying to hide her actual age from Dad. She looked to be in her early twenty’s like I was, but if she said she saw it when it came on the air originally, that’d make her over thirty years old at least.)

“Ahhhh! I see you have good taste in reruns!” Dad complimented.

“Th-thank you,” she stuttered back. As I listened to the awkward conversation of father-roommate bonding, I found my eyes constantly turning towards Tulpa. Not out of adoration or anything, but more like... studying her.

————————————-

On the one hand, she looked like the Tulpa that I had known ever since she became my roommate months ago.  But on the other hand, they somehow weren’t.   It’s kind of like when someone changes their looks a bit for maybe, I dunno, a night on the town, a job interview, a wedding, or something else along those lines.  Only in her case, “dressing up” meant adding additional body parts she didn’t normally have.

(To be honest, I’m still not entirely sure what to think about that...)

I’ve always been a firm believer of people being themselves, and being allowed to be themselves.  I can’t stand situations where people are unable to truly express themselves or feel comfortable.  Way I see it, life is too short to be spent worrying over stupid stuff that makes people miserable just so they can come off as normal.

Sometimes it’s because of social norms and expectations; those unspoken rules of life that people are supposed to just magically “know”.  Like if someone was going to a church or temple service, social norms say they need to wear their “Sunday Best” with stiff, itchy clothes that are dry clean only.  If I was able to go to a sermon wearing a baggy college sweatshirt, sweatpants, and slippers, and NOT be judged like I’m some kind of crazy hobo, it would have definitely made something like that more appealing to me.

Now I have nothing against anyone that likes to dress up in fancy clothes and wear them out and about; I mean, everyone likes different things, right? The point is that if I’m going to do something that makes me uncomfortable, it should be because I wanted to do it for myself.   I don’t think I should bend over backwards making myself feel bad (physically or mentally) for someone else’s sake.  Sure, call me selfish if you must, but I just can’t advocate for doing something that makes you feel bad because you wanted someone else to feel good.

I’m just thankful no one in my family has ever tried to push anything on me.  Sure, they’ve suggested things to me before, and of course made sure I didn’t do something stupid that would injure me or worse when I was too young to know better.  But overall, my family has given me a lot of freedom to do what I want, dress how I want, and be who I want to be.  Now that I think about it, I’m kind of lucky that way.

(I hope I’m making sense on this. Re-reading this, I’m not entirely sure if I do.)

————————————-

Anyway, I’m looking at Tulpa and watching them carefully, trying to figure out if they were comfortable looking like that or not.  She’s just sitting there watching my Dad play Castlevania III, and he was now on the haunted pirate ship with Trevor and Sypha.  He was breezing through at a pretty good pace and sharing an anecdote about how Warren Ellis figuratively gave him the “Turd Cape of Shame” on this old message board back when the Castlevania series on Netflix was just an idea back in 2007.  (I still am not entirely sure if that story is true or not.)

“Hey Lily,” Dad asks suddenly out of the blue, “got anything to drink?”  I offer him some lemonade, he accepts, and I go to the kitchen to pour him a glass.  As I’m doing this, I hear Dad ask Tulpa, “By the way, I don’t think I caught your name.  What was it again?”

“...Tulpa...” she says back to him.

My body freezes up for a moment as I realized that “Tulpa” is not an ordinary name.  I mean the first time she told me her name, it sounded like some kind of Pokémon.  Once again, that irrational fear of my Dad being weirded out or something enters my head, but is dispelled almost immediately.

“Tulpa?” my Dad says aloud to himself, “That’s a very interesting name.”

“T-Thank you...” she says back.

I walk in with a glass of pink lemonade and set it down on a little, folding TV dinner stand that was given to me when I first moved out for college.  I slowly sit back down again as I keep an eye on Dad.  His facial expression is the same as usual: relaxed.  You could call it a poker face, but I’ve seen him play poker and he is BAD at poker.

“Anyone in your family Buddhist?” my Dad asks casually.

I step in, “Dad!  What kind of a question is that!?”  And I meant what I said too. Who even asks something like that!?

“I was just wondering,” he says before once again shutting up and focusing on his game.

This is one of the things about my Dad that bugs me to no end: he likes to be cagey sometimes.  He’ll say something vague with the sole purpose of making the other person curious, confused, or both.  It leaves, like, questions in the back of your head that just start gnawing at your brain and won’t stop chewing away at your gray matter until you finally ask him to explain what the heck he was talking about.    He does this on purpose to “bait” people into asking him questions or to continue with what he’s saying.  So annoying!

I sigh, “Why’s that, Dad?”

He gives a little smile and continues, “Oh it’s just that this isn’t the first time I’ve heard the name “Tulpa” before, that’s all.”

NOW he has my total undivided attention and Tulpa’s too as we both unconsciously lean forward.  Practically in sync, we both say, “It’s not!?”

He’s still smiling as he says, “Nope.  First time I heard that name was when I was doing some monster research for a Castlevania Wiki I had been working on a while back.”

Tulpa practically gulps, “M-M-Monster...?”

“Well not really a monster,” he says back, “more like... a supernaturally, artificially created person.” 

(There are some times when my Dad can be down right spooky and creepy.  This was one of those times.)

Full Metal Alchemist immediately pops into my head, and without even hesitating, I ask, “Like a Homunculus?”

“Nah, more like...” he says before pausing his game and turning to Tulpa and I, “...an imaginary friend.”  Tulpa and I both tilt our heads in confusion.  Dad picks up on this and by now, he is practically glowing at this opportunity to share some weird thing he just happens to know something about.

He explains, “So there’s this word in Tibetan called “Sprul-Pa” which means “Manifestation”, okay?  And in early Buddhism, this is used as the explanation for how Gautama Buddha could travel to heavenly realms and come back again.  You could say he created a clone of himself in the other realm and then transmitted his consciousness to it from his body on Earth.  Kind of like a-”

By now, Tulpa and I were clearly on the same wavelength as she asks, “a Shadow Clone!?” at the exact same time I was thinking of it. Believe it!

Dad’s silent for a moment as he thinks to himself before finally going, “...uhhh... I guess... you could say that. I was thinking “Dream Body” but I suppose a shadow clone could work too.”  My Dad used to watch Naruto with me on Toonami years ago, so he knew full well what a shadow clone was.

He turns to face us as he continues talking, “The thing with a Tulpa is that it’s something made from nothing. A Homunculus, using your example, Lily, requires having the materials necessary to make an artificial being on hand before you can create them. But a Tulpa is willed into existence out of nothingness. It is created from the thoughts of the creator; known as a “Thoughtform” in some cases.”

(WHEN did my Dad even learn this stuff!?)

“The difference between a Tulpa and an imaginary friend,” my Dad continued to say, “is that while an imaginary friend is just that, someone that exists in your imagination, a Tulpa is made when someone’s thoughts are so strong that they will their imaginary friend into existence.”

I look over at Tulpa, and she is totally absorbed in what my Dad’s saying.

“Now from what I’ve read...” Oh my God, Dad! What have you even been reading!? “...it’s very difficult for one person alone to have enough psychic power to will a sentient being into creation. But if you had enough people thinking the same thing, and thinking about it hard enough, then, hypothetically, a Tulpa could be created.”

“So what you’re saying is if enough people think Bigfoot is real, then they can actually make it real just by believing in them?” I snark.

“Yeah, pretty much,” my Dad replies without detecting my snark at all.

“Or like...” Tulpa chimes in, “...how Tinkerbell is saved... by believing in fairies and... clapping hands?” I was a bit surprised Tulpa knew that since I couldn’t recall Disney’s Peter Pan having that scene in it.

Dad thinks about it for a moment, and then goes, “Hmmmmm... yeah! That too, I suppose.”

Right about then, Dad gets a notification on his phone. He pulls it out, looks at it, gets a somewhat serious look on his face, and then stands up and says, “Hey, I gotta make a phone call real quick. Mind if I...” he trails off.

“Yeah, sure thing, Dad,” I say back. He heads down the hallway to the guest bedroom and closes the door as he makes his call. It’s now just Tulpa and me in the living room, and we were both feeling super awkward. I turn to Tulpa and say, “So... did you know anything about all that?”

Tulpa shook her head, “N-n-no. First time I... I ever heard of... of it.” I could tell she was feeling nervous. She had started stuttering pretty badly.

All this time, I knew Tulpa was an apparition, but I never thought about what kind of apparition she was. It never really dawned on me that an apparition could have an origin story. With Tulpa, she was just... kind of there for me, and I never really questioned it. Her being her somehow felt, I dunno... “natural”, I guess.

I never thought I really needed to learn more about Tulpa, anyway. I mean, outside of the occasional mischief, Tulpa was perfectly harmless. Worst thing she ever did was the Pinkening (still don’t know how she did that), but that was partly on me because I was being a big dummy. Overall, she’s always been friendly, kind, and fun to be around, and that‘s always been good enough for me.

“You, uh...” I start to say, “...want to talk about it later?” Tulpa looks ahead of her kind of blankly, and I immediately add, “It’s okay if you don’t want to, Tulpa, I just-“

“Talk about what?” She asks, now looking at me kind of confused.

“About...” I trail off as I try to find the right words, “...about what my Dad just said and about... I dunno... where you came from?”

Tulpa clearly hadn’t thought about it before. She leaned back against the couch and audibly sighed (I think that was the first time I ever heard them sigh!), before saying, “I... don’t know... Lily...”

“Don’t know where you came from, or don’t know if you want to talk about it?” I asked her.

She thought for a moment before saying, “Both...”

I wanted to say something more to her, maybe give them some kind of reassurance, but I just couldn’t as long as my Dad was here! The frustration of wanting to talk about something with someone, but not being able to because of other people being around, is just AGONIZING!  If only Dad would hurry up and leave, but when he says he’s going to beat a video game, he’s going to beat a video game.  Problem was he hadn’t even made it to Dracula’s Castle yet, so who knew how much longer it would be?

Then Dad comes back in and says, “Hey, sorry about this, but I need to get going.”

HAAAAAALLEJUAH!!!

“Oh sweet merciful powers that be, THANK YOU! “  I thought to myself.  I was worried things were going to get all cringy like a bad self-insert fanfic.   “Aww, that’s too bad,” I fibbed out of politeness.  I mean, he’s my Dad and I love him and all, but... y’know...

“Yeah, I got a call from work and they need me to help out with something. ‘Fraid I have to cut my visit short, Lily.” My Dad powered off the Nintendo system and began packing it up. But then he suddenly stopped, looked up, then looked back at me and said, “Hey, you want to borrow my NES for a bit!?”

Dad suddenly leaving to take care of something for work happens every now and then, so that was no big surprise. But Dad suddenly saying he has to leave to take care of something and leave his NES in MY care!? THAT scared the pants off me!

“Oh my God, Dad... you’re not dying are you!?” I ask with a half-serious tone.

“What!? No! What gave you that idea!?” He shoots back.

“Because that’s the NES you’ve had ever since you were a kid! You have NEVER let anyone else look after it! EVER!” I remind him because it is one-hundred percent true.

His lame-sauce excuse was: “Hey, both of your uncles used to look after it!”

And then I remind him, “That’s because you all lived in the same house with grandma and grandpa!  Y’know, because you were all kids and everything!”

“They still took care of it,” he pouts.

“Only after they sneaked into your room, de-hooked it, and snuck it over to their room!  You know I’ve heard the stories at the family gatherings!, right?” This is all completely true.

————————————-

My Dad is the oldest of three, and at family gatherings, like around Thanksgiving, he and my uncles used to tell as many embarrassing stories about each other as possible like they were trying to one-up each other. Like, “Hey, remember that time you stuck a LEGO tire up your nose and had to go to the Emergency Room?”

And my uncle’s all like, “I WAS FOUR!”

Good times....

...now where was I?

Oh right!  Why leaving the Nintendo was a big deal!

————————————-

“C’mon, Dad,” I plead, “The only way I can see you willingly giving away your Nintendo, even if just for a little while, would be if you were on your death bed and filling out your last will and testament. So go on, spill it, what’s up with that?”

My Dad just had this look of offense on his face like I had seriously wounded him with my words. “I am NOT that overprotective of it!”

“Yes you are.”

“Okay, I am,” he admits way too quickly, “but I just thought that you having it might be a good idea in case you finally get some free time coming up. Best way to enjoy it is to play it, after all.”

I chuckle, “Dad, the only way work is going to give me enough time off to sit on my butt and play video games is if some horrible catastrophe caused the art store to shut down. Like, I dunno, a deadly virus or something.”

[EDIT, APRIL 12th, 2020: ME AND MY BIG FAT MOUTH!

AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!]

Dad chuckles and say, “Yeah... you got a point there. Still, I think between you and your roommate, you’re both responsible adults now who can get some enjoyment out of it. I’m sure I can trust you two to take good care of it,” he says before raising an eyebrow, “or is there some reason I shouldn’t leave it here!?”

“Relax! We can look after it, Dad. Nothing’s going to happen to it,” I say as I whip my head back so fast it could have made a sonic boom. Just as I suspected, there was Tulpa sitting down in front of the Nintendo about ready to poke it with her finger. “Isn’t that right, Tulpa?” I say while looking straight at her.

“Y-yes...” she mutters.

Dad smiles at the two of us and then suddenly, out of the blue, he gives me this big ole bear hug and pats me on the back!  It’s the same kind of hug he gave me on my first day at school, when I was leaving for summer camp, and when I moved into my freshman dorm for college.  It was the kind of reassuring hug that says everything is going to be fine.  “Ohhhhhhh, look at you growing up and being all responsible! I’m so proud of you, Lily!”

“Dad!  Can’t breath, Dad!” I say before he finally lets go.

“Oh yeah, tomorrow, when you get a chance, make sure to pick up a couple packages of toilet paper,” he says casually, “your bathroom’s running low and now would be a good time to stock up.”

[EDIT April 12th, 2020: HE FREAKING KNEW! 

HOW!?!?!?]

“Thanks for the tip, Dad,” I respond before saying the thing that led to my Dad saying the other thing that would make my brain do somersaults for the next few hours and ultimately come to you, dear diary, “What brought up that little nugget of wisdom? Dad-ly Intuition?”  (Yes, that pun was intentional.)

“Well I’ve always considered myself to be a little psychic here and there,” he says about twenty-three seconds before the door closes and forty-five seconds before my face faults, “and you’ve always been a little psychic too, haven’t yah?”

“Sure Dad, I’ll catch you later,” I say waving goodbye.

“Take care, Lily!  Keep in touch!  Love you, sweetie!” he calls back as he’s walking into the hallway heading out,

“Love you too, Dad” I say as I close the door and lock the deadbolt. With that family obligation out of the way, I was feeling much better not having to worry about next weekend, not having to worry about Tulpa and Dad, and could just chill and relax and-

It was right about then that my eyes shot wide open as I stared ahead of me at nothing in particular.  The gears in my head started turning faster and faster as the past few months living here started to tie together.  Tulpa looks at me, slightly concerned.  She’s still in her “disguise”, but looks genuinely concerned.  She waves her hand it front of me and my mind is working at warp speed, so it doesn’t even register.

“Are you... okay... Lily?” she asks.

I slowly turn to look her in the eye, and then ask her flat out:

“Am I Psychic!?”

[sunscreenstudies]

hey ik this is random but I was scrolling thru the leaving cert tag and saw your post abt your results. Firstly congrats (even if it is 3 years late haha), secondly I’m currently in 6th year and was wondering if I could ask for some English advice? I’m looking to go up a grade (h3->h2) and was wondering if you have any particular tips for studying english, the exam, technique, or for literally anything relevant to the subject. There’s no pressure to answer this, ty either way :)))

Hey! Thank you so much for the ask and i am so sorry i’ve only gotten round to it now XD

LC English tips below!

Okay so it’s been a while since I did the LC but if things are more or less the same, then you’ve got your three texts to answer a question on.

Tip #1: Even though there is an awful lot to learn, you just need to remember key words, and you’ll sail through! 

In the comparative, you need to compare your texts in every. single. paragraph. You could write a fantastic essay, but if you don’t say “In comparison to this…” “Text 2 however differs from this…” “Similarly…” “The two texts are different in the sense that…” etc. you will get zero marks at all.

When answering your poetry question, you need to keep referring to the style of the poet. Every past poetry question can be broken down into two simple questions: What did the poet write about? and how did they say it? If you can answer both these questions on every poem you learn, you’ll do great! 

Also, do not learn any more than 5 poems per poet and don’t learn any more than 5 poets to begin with. This covers you completely no matter who appears on the day!

Tip #2: Please please pleaseee remember that for the comphrehension section, you must answer one question A and one question B from two different texts! If you answer from the same text you will get 0 and worse than that, this section is worth 12.5% of your total paper which means you will be down an entire grade immediately.

The length of your answer needs to correspond to the marks going for that question. In question A you usually have three parts, worth 15m, 15m, and 20m. Your 20 mark answer must be longer than your 15 mark questions.

For every 5 marks a question is worth, you need 1 A4-page pararaph. Unless you’ve got tiny writing, this is usually 5 to 7 lines of the page.

Your teacher has undoubtedly told you all about timing and “don’t spend any longer than 40 minutes on your question A” and yea they have a point, to an extent. I spent about an hour answering my question A and then sailed through question B because for me, I found the second question a lot easier to answer. Don’t panic if you don’t stick to the “recommended time” because every single person is different and what you find easy might be difficult for someone else.

In saying that, if you are spending loadsss of time on one particular section and you can feel the clock ticking, then move the heck on. Take a deep breath, leave a blank page for yourself to come back to that question later, and start your next part. Every question has a finite amount of marks, so no matter how brilliant your 20 mark answer is, you can only ever get 20 marks for it, and if that answer came at the expense of not getting question B done at all, then you’re down a grade already.

Tip #3: They want your opinion. Let me repeat that. They want your opinion. No matter what the heck they ask you, whether it’s about poetry or your novel or a Shakespearean text, the examiner will be checking to see what you thought of the text. I know firsthand how weird writing things like “In my opion...” or “I believe that...” but this is how you get the marks. Don’t lose the H2 you’re aiming for cause you’re feeling a bit awkward. After the exam, that feeling will never matter again, but your grade will!

Link every single paragraph in every single answer. This doesn’t have to be complicated, you don’t even need to write an entire sentence. Just start every new paragraph with phrases like “However...” or  “Therefore...” or “In contrast to this...”. If you don’t link your paragraphs, the examiner will think that you don’t know what you’re talking about and that you have no opinion of your own (see Tip #3) so use those joining phrases!

Tip #4: For that letter/article/diary entry question B, make sure that whatever part of it you answer, you know the layout for that style. Reports must have a title, introduction, work carried out, findings, suggestions, recommendations, and conclusion sections. Essays need to have a clear introduction, 5+ paragraphs, and closing. Even diary entries should begin with ‘Dear Diary’ which physically causes me pain to write, but it’s what gets you the marks!

Letters are the most asked question B but the most diffuclt to get good marks in. First things first: Figure out if it’s formal or informal. Formal will be editors, principals, government, or anyone that you would address as “sir” or “ma’am” in real life. Informal will be your friends, close family members, penpals, or anyone you’d hug goodbye and laugh with in real life.

Formal letters begin with your own name in the right hand corner of the page, with your own address directly below it. Skip a line, and then write the date below it, always in the format of “01 January 2020″ and be sure to check the question for any hint about what this date should be. If you’re writing a letter to your boss asking about organising a staff barbarcue for staff morale, then you wouldn’t date it in the middle of December, right? Sign off with something professional like “Kind regards” or “Thank you for your time”

Informal letters begin with your own address on the top right-hand corner of the page but do not write your name! It’s an informal letter to your friend; they know who you are.  Skip a line, and then write the date below it, always in the format of “01 January 2020″ and pay attention to the time of year again. Sign off with something casual like “see you later!” or “talk soon!”

Tip #5: Section 2′s composing section is worth an entire 25% of your paper. If you want to get a good grade, you need to get a good grade in this. If you’re aiming for a H2, then you need to get a H2 in this section minimum.

Your essay  should be between 4 to 6 pages, or 1000 to 1250 words. At least.

Always open with a quote, a rhetorical question, or a shocking statistic. I went online the night before my Paper One exam, and wrote down 10 quotes from well-known people about the most popular topics in life, eg. Education, Love, Money, Travelling, Death, Youth & Aging, etc. and just learnt them off in half an hour. I ended up using three of them on the day, and you have no idea the relief you feel when you’re guaranteed that at least one thing in your composition will get you marks!

Take an entire A4 page and plan your essay before you start. Not only is it just common sense and super helpful to get all your ideas down before you forget them, but if you run out of time for whatever reason, then the examiner will be able to see what you were planning to write, and will give you an extra mark or two. Your plan doens’t have to be complicated and you definitely shouldn’t spend any longer than 5 minutes on it. Just throw down a few words, organise them based on paragraph, and then start writing.

And finally (i’m so sorry that you had to read all that) remain calm! No matter what happens, whether you get a H1 or a H7, as long as you do your best then no one can say anything to you! You are more than your grade and you are more than some English exam that won’t matter in ten years anyway. Stay calm, always put your mental and physical health first, and remember that this paper is not the end all be all of anything. You’ve got this.

[nicad13]

Fic Writer Interview

Tagged by: @retro-jupiter Aw, thanks!

Name: NiCad. She’s an unabashed self-insert Transformers character I wrote like, 25 years ago. Unlike most self-inserts, she’s clumsy, nerdy, non-charismatic, and had no romantic relationship in the story she appeared in.

Fandoms: Currently Mandalorian, but I started writing fanfic with Transformers back in 1996! I have a huge re-write of my old stuff I’ve been working on for years but haven’t touched since Mando grabbed me. I’ll circle back to it eventually.

Two-shot: I think my only one is Turning the Corner – an exploration of Din’s younger years, his not-so-enjoyable time with Xi’an, and the possible reasons he was able to get out of that situation.

Most popular multi-chapter: Crossroads. Post-season 1, Din runs in to a Jedi survivor of Order 66. The kid takes a liking to her. Din learns that armor isn’t the only thing that can protect them. Angst, adventure, intrigue, and found family shenanigans ensue.

Actual worst part of writing: I used to think it was the demons in my head that wouldn’t shut up about the stories they want to tell. Usually it was exhilarating, but sometimes it was annoying when I’d get distracted from work & other real-life things that needed my attention. Now I realize it’s when the demons get half-way through the story and then go silent. WHERE DID YOU GO WE HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS. I can coax them back out when I have long, uninterrupted stretches of time, but I don’t seem to get those very often.

How you choose your titles: I usually go for a few words that I think will grab the most attention and are still descriptive of the story. For the Crossroads chapter titles, I stuck with the format of that Mandalorian had for the episode titles: “The [Noun].” The exception was the last episode, which was simply “Redemption,” so I did the same with the last chapter: “Home.”

Do you outline: Not usually. My one-shots usually come in one short, intense burst, downloaded directly from the brain demons, so they don’t require one. For long, multi-chapter ones where I’m jumping around and not writing linearly, I’ll set up a timeline after a while so I have something quick to refer to and remind myself of what happens when. This (hopefully) keeps me from referring to things that haven’t happened yet by mistake, and also keeps things like X happened a few weeks ago during chapter 1, a few months ago during chapter 2, six months ago in chapter 3, etc. One thing I do try to be good about is getting to the computer as soon as I can when a snippet hits me so I can write it down. I don’t worry about where exactly in the story it should go – I just stick it in a file called “scraps” to start with just to preserve the idea. Sometimes it’ll live there for a while before I pluck it out and transplant it to its home in the story, sometimes it gets re-homed almost immediately. A few sit there and never find their way in, but maybe inspire different versions of themselves.

Ideas I probably won’t get around to but wouldn’t it be nice: I have some dim visions of Grogu as Mand’alore, leading the planet through centuries of peace and prosperity.

Callouts @ me: I’m not sure what this is asking, but a couple other answers I’ve seen seem to be philosophy about fanfic. So uh… write for yourself, primarily. Write to satisfy the voice in your head that won’t shut up until you record its words. If you want to write well, seek out advice from those who also write well, and be ready to learn from them. If you’re writing only to gain popularity, you’re writing for the wrong reason and will only be disappointed.

Best writing traits: I’d say I’m best at angst and other emotional darkness. I grew up consuming Stephen King at an inappropriately young age, and I think it shows. His memoir, On Writing, also has nice bits of writing advice. The two bits that struck me the most are 1 – write the first draft with the door closed (don’t think about what others will think about it), and 2 – adverbs are not your friend (i.e., “He placed the Darksaber on the table with great care” instead of “He carefully placed the Darksaber on the table”).

Spicy tangential opinion: I have some… complex opinions about reader-insert fics that I’m not sure I’m able to outline without pissing people off. Like, I have no moral objection to them and they make lots of folks happy and that’s fine. Some of them work reallywell when they focus on the reader’s emotions and experiences. In the context of Mandalorian fanfic, that can serve to make Din even more mysterious – using a restricted POV is a great tool to get us in on the challenge of figuring out such a walled-off and inaccessible character. The ones that violate that and go second-person omniscient POV – that somehow the reader knows everything that others think of them and everything that’s going on just… confuse me. I can kinda forgive it in the current era of a deadly airborne infectious disease pandemic when dating IRL has come to a screeching halt, so I understand the need to substitute for that. Otherwise, go third-person POV and develop the original character.

The one social objection I have to reader-insert fics is when they come at the cost of strong female characters, particularly characters of color, LGBTQ+, neurodivergent, people with disabilities, or otherwise under-represented folks. Reader-inserts are designed to be as generic as possible so that anyone can slip their skins on and off, and they read like a lot of lost opportunities when it comes to representation. And forget about passing the Bechdel test if you don’t even have a name for your own character. We need to challenge ourselves and (gasp) have two women characters who have names and who talk to each other about something other than men and babies. I can count the number of Mandalorian fanfic authors I’ve read that pass this on one hand. (I know there are more, but y’all can take a decent guess about the ratio.) We can do better.

No pressure tagging: Oh, I'm so bad at this and I have no idea who's already done it. Here goes nothing. @hauntedfalcon @bethagain @fanfoolishness

[lambourngb]

he’s got a smart mouth but a good heart - Michael Guerin

It’s Day 2, celebrating characters, and much to my own surprise, at the end of season 2, Michael Guerin decided to move into my brain and take up residence. Obviously I still love Alex Manes (He lives first and foremost in my brain since 1x08), but there was something about how Michael buried his own pain about his mother to help everyone in season two that rang pretty true to my own life right now. I didn’t always like what he was doing in season 2 but I understood it.

Anyway, when I find a story that celebrates how complicated he is, I cheer and rejoice- so here’s a few of the stories that I have gone back to again and again.

Truck stop knives and other assessors of childhood @angsty-aliens (13,200) I can’t lie, I love a good trope story, and I especially love a good sci-fi trope story, so this story hits all of my buttons. It takes our two science nerds, Liz and Michael, mucking around, and accidentally creating a version of Michael- but not just any version, but the child who hitchhiked to Fosters ranch, completely over humans and desperate to find his family. The kid who was feral from neglect and abuse... he was the cutest thing and the most mortifying thing that ever happened to Michael to be displayed and shown. This story takes the de-aged trope and turns it on its head, and oh yeah, there’s a sweet backdrop to Michael and Alex getting together.

Implicit Memories of You by @ninswhimsy (3464) - So this is an amnesia story canon-divergent story set after 2x11 basically, where they use the mind erasing drug on Michael. I know, I’m reccing this about Michael characterization, but it’s so solidly him after all the memories are stripped away and he’s acting on instincts, locked in a room to torture Alex with before death. There’s so much going on in so few words, something that Nin is a master at, especially the ephemeral remembrances of his mother that Michael has- oof right in the feels.

Maybe this time (he’ll stay) by @hannah-writes​ (7700) This is a sequel to one of my favorite stories I recced last year, dealing in alternative timelines where in one world, Michael is lost and alone and has pushed Alex away, and in another world where Alex came home from Iraq in a flagged draped coffin. It answers the question, what about Mikey? Where’s his happy ending? The confirmation of the multiverse means there’s an Alex out there who needs him- and through trial and error, Michael finds him. The world building in both stories is top notch, because for every action, there’s a reaction and reason shaping Michael.

Constant as the northern star by celzmccelz (53,000) - don’t know the tumblr here - This is an Mpreg, and it starts solidly after 1x13 and goes AU from there. But what if in the 100 mile drive home from Caulfield, Michael and Alex share a grief-induced moment of insanity where they fall back into their oldest language- sex for comfort, and then Michael does everything he does in the finale, including turning toward Maria, what if there was a souvenir? Despite the trope of mpreg, this is just how I see Michael, deeply in love with Alex but unable to trust that Alex feels the same depth in return. The friendships in here are also top-notch, from Kyle being a baby-doctor, to Isobel having her own Max-related spiral unable to let go of her brother only to refocus on Michael, to Liz fucking off with Rosa for the first half of the story because she’s caught up in her own grief (which turned out to be canon!). And there’s a whole plot here! With Jesse Manes being the worst.

Leave the light on by @sabrinachill​ (36,900) - Confession time- I love fake dating as a trope, I know, shocked right? But I especially love it with RNM because Malex are exes by 1x03. Mattie nailed the dynamic of pining and the assumption of unrequited love so well in this story. Although the POV switches here a bit between chapters, (and Alex is fabulous) what I really really loved was how she wrote Michael, in love but convinced that he’s messed up too much for Alex. Aware of his faults but not in a sullen way, but an acknowledgment that he was in a bad place and Alex hasn’t always been the best remedy him in the past. It was a very mature take on the “give me another chance” trope in Malex reunion stories, where both sides had a share of blame. The plot was suspenseful and tight (how do people do that???) with a climax that honestly shocked me! I really enjoyed rereading it while I prepped my rec-sets, and I won’t be surprised if this story isn’t mentioned by everyone doing ‘Creators Week’. It’s worthy of all the love.

Temporary wounds by @prouvaireafterdark​ (7800) - How many times can I rec this story? Hopefully you’re not bored by my adoration of this Lynne.  So even though it’s set post-season 1 with the assumption that Michael/Maria will fizzle out while Alex/Forrest date- it’s actually perfectly set for season 3 (an author who is psychic??). As a rule, I hate jealousy as a trope, but this story has the only type of jealousy I want to see on screen- where Michael wonders what was missing inside of him that Alex didn’t want to be public during their long affair (even with the acknowledgment that Alex was too scared before)- like that type of sad pining is my catnip!

The first who ever did by nostalijinks (33,000) post season 1, but really it also stands pretty well after season 2.  There was an interview during season 1 I think that talked about how all Michael really wanted was to be a hero to Alex (the way he stepped in front of Jesse as a kid)  but he thinks he failed at it since Alex enlisted. That failure soured him in ways but he never stops trying, for Alex. This is a really well done 5 times plus 1 story, with an overreaching arc of reconciliation between Alex and Michael, starting as teenagers, then as adults while Michael is with Maria, then as friends, real friends, trying to support Alex as Alex dates. The whole emotional journey of maturity that Michael takes here is so well done, where there’s no real villains in the friend group. I just love it. I wish the author had written 100 more like this one, but as a standalone work it’s epic.

The person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger by @iwontbeyourmedicine​ (25,000) Ly has a very large body of work, that you could spend days paging through on AO3 or tumblr, but this one hits two of my kinks hard- the amnesia story line and true love conquers all. So three fandoms ago I was huge into Steve/Bucky, that iconic moment in Cap 2 where Bucky breaks through the brainwashing has never left me. This story takes my love for that moment, and makes it Malex. Alex gets programmed by his family and set loose on his friends, on the aliens and it’s a shitshow bloodbath since he’s really fucking good at kicking ass. Michael is caught between keeping everyone safe and trying not to hurt Alex, and the tension is just top-notch. I love how it’s not an immediate fix either, the way they circle each other in the aftermath, wanting to come home, but home would be a totally new step for both of them. Just chef’s kiss good at joining action, angst, and romance together.

Into the palm of your hand by @haloud​ (5900) hal is a treasured friend, so I am admitting some bias here, but we both enjoy talking about how wonderful and sad Michael is and how desperately we enjoy poking at that softness and then wrapping him up with love again... so this story was written pre-shamegate (and if you know what that means, I’m sorry) but it matches my head canon of what the history of hiding does to someone. The internalization of believing maybe there’s a reason behind the hiding that has nothing to do with homophobic townies. Alex has an ex boyfriend come to town, and he doesn’t tell Michael. And omg the journey hal takes us on with Michael’s spiral and Brave Little Toaster act was so wonderful and painful and real. The communication between these two was top notch as they worked through a road bump from the past, and let’s face it, once we get our malex back, these things are going to happen, and it will either tear them apart or bring them closer together- I prefer to believe it will be closer together.

There is beauty in a failure by @jule1122​ (2400) There’s been a few Greg and Michael stories to pop up on my radar after 2x10, and this one was one of my favorites. This is a Greg who pulls no punches in exposing his brother’s past to Michael, but also gives Michael the space to work through what he wants. It’s an AU from 2x12, that allowed Michael to break up with Maria for basically the same reasons that Maria used on him in 2x13. The way Michael is able to what he wants and communicate it Alex in the end- so good! We can only hope to see something similar in season 3.

I don’t know what to think (but I think of supernovas) by @queersirius​ (3900) This story is a delight from start to finish- I mean frustrated cursing turns the console on into a hologram who then takes the most pleasing form to Michael’s eyes? SIGN ME UP for those shenanigans. I fucking loved how Isobel saw it first too. And then the comedy of Alex discovering it? And what happens afterwards? Oh it’s so delicious. Now of course, full disclosure, this light-hearted romp through the feels also inspired me  to think up a much much sadder version of Michael building an AI for companionship considering how isolated he ended up being at the end of Season 2 and we all know Michael needs friends, badly.

Innuendo by the Roswell anon (6000) written for @bisexualalienblast​  the roswell anon is my favorite treasure in this fandom, I could pretty much list all of their stories as examples of some very fine Michael Guerin characterization. This one was one of my favorite post-season 1 fix-it fics though, because it has some of the most real 28-30 year old guy dialogue I’ve come across- from the crude jokes, to the sharply self-deprecating observations- this is Alex and Michael stripped down, all edges but what’s left is fatigue and love. The resolution at the end, where Alex observes that yes, Michael has tried the last 10 years but this is their first chance to try together- to pull in the same direction? It just lays me flat on the ground with how true that is to canon.

Whenever You Want to Begin, Begin by @foramomentonly (3200) - this is a sequel, and the first story is dynamite- don’t get me wrong- but it moves from the hopeful side of an ending to legit Happily-Ever-After here, and I devoured every word. First of all, having Michael turn to photography as a way of self-improvement is fucking genius. Photographers are always at the center of every happy event, but never the focus, and that screams Michael to me, the way he lives on the outskirts of the 9-5 job and literal outskirts of town in his trailer. The other thing is photographers are revealed by their work, and that’s also something I head-canon with Michael just in the mundane- he’s good with his hands, he wants to leave a car better than he found. Anyway, this story is gorgeously written, moves a bit like a really good bottle of wine- heavy but soft, as you watch Michael become Alex’s friend, and even more importantly, Alex becomes Michael’s friend. Fantastic- I’ve read it about four times now since it was published.

[buccigang-headcanons]

La Squadra Backstories!!!! Stream of consciousnesss style!

So literally I just sat down and wrote down exactly what I thought. I have not edited these at all lmaooo. But I made long drawn out backstories for our underrated assassins so enjoy!!

T/W + C/W - idk I talk about people dying in a lot of ways. Child abuse, drugs, severe illness, dead cats. This stuff is a mess I really didn’t censor it. But nothing is described in detail cuz I’m too lazy for that.

————

Prosciutto cuz he’s at the top of my mind. Mmkay he and Pesci are brothers but not by blood. Pro was an orphan, I still wanna make him Russian, and pesci’s extremely kind and gentle family adopted him when he was like 7. They were like literally a garden catalogue family. Perfection. The parents died when pro was like 15, Pesci was 13?? Idk the age difference I’m just making shit up now. And Pesci had no fucking idea what to do, they didn’t have any other family, and pro was like “I’m still basically a hardened criminal from living on the streets of russia most of my childhood, so joining the local mafia should be a piece of cake”. It was.

Risotto..... fuck it. Polpo is risottos dad. I’ve seen that so much and fuck it I’m here for it now. Idk how I feel about the whole Mariah from part 3 being his mom that seems too coincidental. But either way, he is half Spanish. I don’t think he’s ever been in touch with his Spanish roots at all, but that’s what he is. Polpo had too much fun on vacay in Spain. But it was a once night stand and polpo, a skinny king back in the mid 70s, fucked off to do mafia stuff and didn’t know about this kid. Risotto never knew his father. Time goes by, about the time he’s 10, rizzo’s mom moves to Italy to find the man she once loved. Since the 70s, she has been married and divorced 4 times, disowned by her entire family, and she speaks only of Polpo, the man who swept her off her feet and then disappeared into the night. Leaving only this child with his matching eyes. So they live in Italy, risotto is about 13 now and his mom has been searching seriously for polpo for about 3 years. One day, she gets too close, mafia takes her out. Risotto is all alone in a country he has lived in for less than 3 years. So he decides to take revenge against the mafia. He goes to hunt them down. (I’m too lazy to write out how. Gets a gun. Basically the scene in part 5 where the kid is like “you killed my father and now I’m gonna kill you!!” But he chickens out???) yeah except rizzo didn’t chicken out, he stood firm and killed 2 of them. The other 2 surrendered, and immediately asked rizzo to take polpos test. He did. And he unknowingly met his father, the man his mother had died looking for. He stared into his fathers eyes, black sclera reflecting each other, and passed his test with ease.

Wowwwwwwwww alrighty then that was something. Let’s shake out those jitters because fuck that was intense and let’s move onto some happy shit.

Melone!! Always a bottle of joy. He was a phenomenal student, a perfect child. Perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect looks. Onlyyyy tiny thing is he murdered cats and buried their heads in the back yard. But that was his only flaw. Aaaaaaaand mayyybe trying to use his extensive knowledge of molecular biology and genetics (even at as young as 11) to asexually breed said cats.

But, apart from that, absolutely perfect specimen of a young boy. And he kept that up until college. Until the rape accusation. Melone had no interest in having sex with her, he swore under oath in open court, he only wanted to “extract her essence” in the hopes of making her amazing genetics stay pure for centuries.

Due to his previously amazing school record, he was allowed to plead not guilty by reason of insanity (because the justice system is bullshit) and was released to his parents. During this whole process, Melone’s mother had begun to grow suspicious of her son, wondering if there was something wrong with him. This led her to explore the crawl space under the garage, more commonly known as “Melone’s childhood laboratory”. The cat skulls alone were enough to set her off. They allowed him into their home long enough to fool the court, but parole officers don’t pay attention, and they kicked him to the curb a month later. Broke, alone, and with no real skills other than his genius mind and gorgeous body, he became a prostitute. It was only a few months before he wandered up to a gigantic white haired man with angry eyes and asked if he wanted a date. Instead of declining, our good ol rizzo just knocked him out cold and brought him home. The rest is history. Literally because I can’t think of what would happen between that and Melone joining the mafia. I assume he was just their house pet for a little while before he decided he wanted a stand too.

Oh good lord these are getting insane. Better keep going. Okay I have no idea what’s about to come out of my head for ghia but oh Lordy. Might as well start. Ghiaccio wasn’t always quite as angry, but it’s actually gonna be a sweet story. Kinda. He used to act perfect, even tho he always felt the anger inside. He was forced to bottle it up and put on a happy exterior always. His mother was Belgian. (From experience, Belgian mothers (Flemish in particular) will beat you until your ass is raw if you talk back). Italian father, they lived in italy. He had 4 sisters, he was the middle child of 5. Around high school, he started acting out. Of course this was due to all of his bottled up anger from the past 15 years. 4 shattered sinks, 16 holes in the drywall, and one classroom fire later, Ghiaccio was expelled from school. His parents were too busy brimming with joy about the success of all his sisters that they didn’t take much notice to him. “If you’re going to behave in such a manner you might as well leave” his mother said. She was past the point of caring enough to beat him. So he left. 16 and with no where to go, he wandered the streets. After a year or so, Ghia had gotten used to that life, and was angry at everyone, sometimes when he wasn’t even angry. Anger had become his coping mechanism. Screaming was easier than talking. Until one day, he screamed at a blonde man in an intersection. Prosciutto was driving back to the squads hang out, boxes of takeout in the back seat of the car. He had chosen to not stop at the red light, just for fun, and nearly ran into our blue haired teenager. Ghia proceeded to cuss him out for a good 4 minutes in the middle of this intersection before pro cut him off. “Get in the back. “ he said, with his own special brand of brotherly love. “I know how you can put that anger to good use”. Ghiaccio, having no real reason to object, got in the back seat. Prosciutto was silent the rest of the drive and Ghiaccio yelled about all the take out food, now splattered on the backs of the seats due to the sudden slam on the brakes.

Y’all I don’t even remember the other la squadra members. Let’s do sorbet/gelato because they have zero backstory or personality so I can just ramble. *Clears throat* let’s begin. These fuckers. Friends since birth. Grew up together, always really close. They were both dirt poor, but because the only school nearby was a decent public school, when were able to slightly experience middle class living. They liked it. They wanted to see upper class, and once they did, they wanted to be there. These two were money grubbing bffs, I’m talking josuke and okuyasu, but like waaaaay more intense and also violent. They both left home around 14, together of course. Gelatos father had left them a few years prior, and his family were on the brink of starvation. Figuring they didn’t need another mouth to feed (and completely abandoning his post as family patriarch lol) he left with sorbet, who’s family had all died in various ways over the years. Most recently, his older sister being taken by some illness that was probably easily treatable, but with no means for a doctor, she died in days. The boys left home and school, and made a living by pickpocketing tourists and occasionally launching into larger heists. They made a decent living for themselves, but eventually started spending their money on drugs. It’s was sorbet first, heroin was really good to him for awhile. Gelato was against it, knowing it was the reason sorbets family had been so poor to begin with. His father was an addict, and despite holding down a job fairly well, spent all his earnings on drugs. Eventually he became too dependent, lost his job, and OD’d. But around this same time, when the boys were 16/17, they were starting to realize their feelings for each other. Confused teenaged minds full of budding love led to Gelato giving in, and soon their days were filled with heroin fueled ecstatic sex. They lived like this for awhile, existing in half reality, until one day they chose to set their pickpocketing targets on a short man with close cropped gray hair. The plan was perfect, sorbet bumped into the man and gelato passed by to grab his wallet, and suddenly they were the size of mere ants. In an instant, they were returned to size, left to wonder if it was real or just a hallucination from long term drug use. But they didn’t run. Formaggio introduced himself, with a loose handshake and a pause to spit out some tobacco, and promptly invited them to a “party”. Although, Formaggio was honest in his promise, this party did have drugs.

Cheese boys turn!! Seriously who am I forgetting??? Illuso my mirror man! Am I forgetting someone else too?? Idk. But shut up Kel it’s cheese boys turn.

So. Formaggio. Probably the most chill childhood. Lower middle class, pretty average, but he was quite gifted with sports. Soccer was his main, and also a fantastic competitive swimmer. (Okay I have a separate hc that Bruno is really good at soccer so hol horse up a moment so I can imagine those 2 playing soccer together in friendly competition. In my lil au where Bruno is in la squadra because I say BruPro exes rights please and thanks.) but anyway, he got really good at soccer and was offered a scholarship to play at a fancy pants private high school when he was 14. Of course his parents made him go, this has been the family’s dream for years, and formaggio’s as well. So high school is amazing, he’s starting to attract attention from universities even tho he’s barely in grade 11 by this point. And it’s all really amazing until he realizes. This isn’t what he wants. And it’s just that. He doesn’t want to play soccer anymore, he doesn’t want to potentially be famous. He just wants to be a kid. So he leaves school, he leaves home, he wants to start over. And he wanders into a diner and sees this small group of weirdly dressed men. At this point, it’s rizzo, pro, Pesci, and ghia. And he’s staring at them because they’re dressed like circus clowns but their aura is so murderous. And then the one who looks like a giant pineapple starts staring back. Pesci gets up and walks over to Formaggio. “I know you! You’re that amazing kid soccer player!!” And he just goes on and on about shit he read in the news (70% of it was false) until pro comes over and yanks his idiot brother away. Pro starts asking Formaggio questions, thinking he could be a good target. Stupid little rich kid. But to prosciuttos surpise, Formaggio is just a down to earth kid with no more money to his name than he needs to pay for this meal. Prosciutto takes him home after that. He doesn’t really offer any explanation.

(The rambling at the beginning of this paragraph actually happened lol so I paused for like 4 hrs oops)

Alright we are back. Had to leave to go to therapy and then scream at my mother and cry to my boyfriend but we are ready to go! Illuso and I really hope he’s the last one and I’m not forgetting one. Illuso was raised in an orphanage from infancy. No idea who his parents could even be. Fun fact: one of the nuns at the orphanage (cuz it’s an orphanage in Italy in 1980, they’re catholic.) nicknamed him Illuso because he was always pointing at things that weren’t there. As a tiny baby and a child, he would always be looking at things no one else can see (yes illuso is a natural stand user fight me). The nuns called him illuso as an insult, hoping to shame him into stopping. He never did. When he outgrew the orphanage, he decided to join the priesthood. He was 19, a priest in training, when the mafia came to the orphanage. They were collecting, and illuso knew they didn’t have the money this month. He tried to talk the mobsters down, but that went about as well as planned. 4 bullets to the chest, 3 open heart surgeries, and half a dozen resuscitations later, Illuso was released from the hospital. The orphanage had been shut down, and no one knew what had happened to the children or the nuns. With no where to go, illuso knew of one place that could use talents like his. The talents of steadily stealing money from the starving children of the church for a decade. It was during polpos test that illuso’s stand manifested. Not due to the arrow, but to protect its user from the other stand. Illuso was able to avoid Black Sabbath by hiding in his newfound mirror world until it was time to return the lighter to polpo (kinda cowardly but whatever.) he was assigned to risottos group by chance and was the last to join excluding Melone. But they loved him as if they had found him themselves.