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joonsdiary · 4 years

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jamais vu (m)

↳ noun | the illusion that the familiar is being encountered for the first time.

(are you the remedy to my broken heart?)

pairing: jungkook | reader | taehyung genre: slice of life au, acquaintances to friends (to lovers?) au // heaps of angst, a tiny bit of smut, a sprinkle of fluff word count: 13,4k

— warnings: alcohol consumption, swearing, hints of gaslighting, mild descriptions of a panic attack, themes of infidelity, sexual intercourse (protected penetrative sex, implied female masturbation)

— note: mildly inspired by the films lost in translation and ocean waves, as well as jamais vu by bts (hence the title). some concepts were derived from my wip list, so in a way this was my remedy for the writer’s block i was having while writing ‘worth fighting for’. i hope in one way or another it can be your remedy, too. (p.s. despite being inspired by lost in translation, i haven’t actually seen the film so this won’t be exactly like that adkjhsd)

— playlist: carry me home - jorja smith ft. maverick sabre / sweet insomnia - gallant ft. 6lack / drew barrymore - sza / run - joji / truth is - sabrina claudio / bath - offonoff / ghostin - ariana grande / ... etc!

There’s something thrilling about sitting in the backseat of a car past midnight, windows rolled down as the driver chases the destination planted on her navigation device. You welcome the cool breeze that tangles your hair into an uncomfortable mess, as it only helps propel your heart rate faster. Inhaling slowly allows you to savour the musky scent of the earth shortly after being bathed with rainwater; if this is what freedom tastes like, you wish to savour as much of it as you could.

Eventually, the exhilaration wears down as the city lights blur into a cacophony of colours. It’s incoherent and indiscernible, yet it possesses the ability to lull you into a dream-like state. You had the utmost privilege of plugging your phone into the aux cord, therefore the familiar voice of your recently played songstress croons softly against the speaker, filling the cold, void spaces in between. Your heavy eyelids fall into an accustomed pattern, gradually flickering until it closes shut.

Sleep beckons; fatigue welcomes you into the abyss, and you embrace it with open arms.

Well, almost.

“Can you roll the windows up? It’s freezing,” he mumbles as he sinks further down the leather chair. You jolt awake at his sudden announcement, but he doesn’t apologize for disturbing your calmness.

“Hm? Yeah, of course,” your fingers scramble to find the right button to press until the tempered glass lifts, shielding you away from the busy city. You want to argue that it’s not even that cold, but he scoots closer towards you, tugging on your left arm before burying his head in the crook of your neck.

A wistful sigh escapes your lips and you turn to place a quick kiss on his crown. You immediately understand the exhaustion that plagues you both, brought about by the time difference between the country you came from and the one you’re currently visiting. You glance out the window once more as your thumb plays with the golden band on your ring finger.

Seoul is beautiful. The city itself is alive, evident by the way the summer stars in the night sky are dimmed by the light that emits from the numerous buildings and towers that create Seoul’s skyline. Looking at it from above while on a plane is similar to peeking at a telescope to view a galaxy far away, dotted by billions of brilliant stars. But despite the breathtaking aerial view, nothing feels more intimate than weaving through its streets.

Although you can tell its old roads are recently refurbished, unsurprisingly, which buries any inkling of familiarity beneath the cold cement. Despite you knowing the place, there’s still something different about it, like buying a new laptop to replace the old one. The specs are guaranteed to be exactly like its predecessor, but the fact that it comes in a sleek box, still unspoiled and untouched, fascinates you all the same. It begs to be used until you’re so attached to it that you refuse to part ways even just for a singular moment. That’s what defines Seoul for you.

But the city can wait. There will be plenty of opportunities to explore and rekindle your love affair with the town you once called your home. For now, your reason for being lays cradled within your arms, encapsulated within the bubble you desperately wish would stay intact, unmarred by the destructive forces of reality.

Although those illusions of fantasy can only take you so far. The fragility of your relationship is beginning to materialize into a spectre, its gaunt face haunting you in every corner you look. There’s no escaping the truth as it will, without a fail, catch you in one form or the other.

“What are you thinking about?” he hums lazily, soft breath tickling the nape of your neck.

“Just excited to finally be back after so long.”

“That’s right, you moved away long before I did.”

“Mhm.”

The discussion flickers out of existence, whose life is shorter than that of a fire in measly matchstick. You aren’t much of a conversationalist, and you appreciate that neither is he. Is that the defining trait that convinced you to marry the man sitting next to you three years ago? Perhaps. You like that he gives you the time and space to bask in your thoughts when you need it, even if there are moments where you’d like nothing more than to connect with him like you used to.

“I miss you,” slips out before you’re able to hold your tongue back. But you don’t scramble to reclaim the words like you usually do, followed by an apologetic I didn’t mean it like that. You let the phrase simmer, hoping it will soak him to the bones enough that it becomes his wake up call.

But, “I’m right here,” is all he says.

The him-of-past would have cradled your face in his big hands, turned you so that you’re face to face before he makes a silly face that will make you laugh. He’ll say you’re being silly for even thinking of such thoughts when he’s always been by your side, and forever will be. It will follow one chaste kiss, then a second, and before you could blink his limbs will tangle with yours, hearts beating fast but in unison, nonetheless.

“I know,” you murmur.

Perhaps he believes it’s enough that he’s there beside you, physically. Perhaps it’s wise to presume the same. It’s only wishful thinking to expect otherwise, after all.

Jungkook believes he’s a creature of habit. Or, he used to be, at least.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with falling into a certain pattern in life, especially at his age; God knows he needs a stable rock to hold on to so he doesn’t get carried away by the raging currents of the river.

But it had only been once upon a time where he enjoyed such endeavours; waking up, coming down to work, going back up to bathe, before finally retiring to bed. Yes, he’ll find pockets of time to eat meals, of course. Days come when he has the freedom to choose to go to the gym, instead, so his life isn’t completely mundane. There’s a nuance to such life, and he always aspires to have the propensity and the undeterred tenacity to stick to such a strict regimen.

However, days began to bleed into each other with the same shade of grey, indiscernible and incomprehensible. It’s not necessarily a lousy experience because he never felt starved or threatened out of his home. Life for him is like cruising down the endless highway, foot off the gas but going at one hundred kilometres per hour all the same. The figures he passes by become obscured by the speed he’s going at, but at the very least he’s still heading somewhere.

It’s only recently he’s fully realized the futility of his mundane schedule. She’d told him so.

“Don’t you want to break away from all of that? From your parents’ expectations of you?” her voice comes softly through the phone. His moments together with her are often brief and hurried, their conversations cut short by external forces acting upon them both. It’s dinnertime for him, but she has to drop the call in order to catch the early bus for work. Such a prick, time and distance can be.

(Perhaps, he now looks back and thinks to himself, they’re merely trying to find more reason to converse less with each other. Since when did it start, the feeling of obligation?)

“Are you suggesting that I—”

She says yes without letting him finish his sentence.

So he finds vigour in his life once more as he throws himself into his work, constantly propelled forwards by the need to meet an end goal: Save up enough to be able to move halfway across the world. To see her. To be with her.

But the respite is brief, however.

The more money is stored in his bank account, the less he thinks of the idea as brilliant. Is he ready to uproot his life from the only home he knows to move in with somebody he has only met through the screen of his phone?

Looking at the bigger picture, nothing else has changed in his life. He needs a true break; a real step back from a routine that is numerous years in the making.

Having sex with a stranger in a random motel seems like a good way to go about it, he thinks.

Several hours prior, his friends asked him to go out drinking with them. Jungkook, who rarely makes time for such occurrences, naturally agrees, surprising the very same acquaintances that invited him. At that point he believes they’re only asking to be polite, not having the courage to kick him out of an old group chat formed during their college days. They never expected him to say yes then, and they didn’t until now.

Countless bottles of beer and a few shots of liquor later, he’s fumbling with the zipper of his tight jeans. The woman, whose name he didn’t have the courtesy of asking, giggles as she rises from the bed to approach him.

Mistake number one.

“Do you need help, love?”

He fumbles through his words, unable to form a coherent thought. It’s not that he’s completely inexperienced — although the woman probably thinks he is by the way he acts — it’s just that, admittedly, it’s been a good while since he’d had sex with anybody. Add the nervousness to his inebriated state, and he’s got himself in quite the dilemma.

Mistake number two.

“I’m guessing you like them tight,” the woman points out.

“Huh?” his head whips towards the woman, eyes wide and mouth agape, like a deer caught in headlights.

“Your jeans, I mean.”

The woman chuckles once again as he attempts to peel the fabric off his skin. “Wasn’t really planning on this, that’s why.”

Mistake number three.

“But you have this,” an inconspicuous packet is pulled from his back pocket. Jungkook merely grins sheepishly in response. The woman kneels as she grips his underwear but he grabs her hand and pulls her up instead, crashing her body into his. He recalls her murmuring something about getting straight to the point, but he’s unsure if the woman meant it as a complaint or a compliment. He didn’t bother asking to elaborate, because none of this is even supposed to happen.

Mistake number four.

Guilt bubbles from within his chest, gnawing at every nook and cranny of his consciousness.

Mistake number five.

He’d have to tell her sooner rather than later. It would be fucking shitty of him not to. But before he has the time to steer clear of trouble and save himself from potentially ruining the only good thing he has going in his life, the woman’s lips are on him. There’s no going back now, he assumes.

Mistake number six, seven, eight.

Nine: His kiss feels famished as he drinks in each quiet moan that comes out of the woman’s lips. Every second feels reinvigorating like he’s sitting in front of the roller coaster as the ride pauses before the first drop. When the wheels turn and roll against the metal railroad track, he stumbles back and falls into the bed. He’s here for the thrill, which would bring the total up to ten so far.

Eleven is when he watches the woman slip the condom with ease, sheathing him. His presumed experience she possesses excites him further; that is number twelve.

He loses count when she traps him between her knees as she licks two of her fingers at once, before hiking up her skirt.

Jungkook wants to laugh at his lack of perceptiveness. Tactless when it comes to asking for the woman’s name; even more inadequate and impolite not to think about prepping her.

“What’s so funny?” she asks, head tilting to the side as wisps of her hair fall across her face as she grinds herself against him. He bites back a moan as he looks away from her. It probably would be best not to tell her. He then catches his reflection in the mirror, and despite the dimmed lights he could outline the expression he’s making; a reflection of someone unrecognizable.

“There’s a mirror,” he pauses as she gets a hold of him, her warmth enveloping him as she slowly sinks onto him. His hips jerk seemingly involuntarily in response, and she groans, tossing her head backwards. He forgets to speak altogether. The woman does the same, opting to mumble profanity, instead.

Jungkook wishes to hide the shame and guilt, the wrongfulness, the missed opportunities to say no. Is his need to feel something other than the heaviness of his heart worth all the pain he’s about to put not only himself but the person he wishes to spend the rest of his life with?

And so he buries himself deeper before denial could even stake a claim in the vast expanse of his thoughts. If to forget is to lose himself in the pleasure of someone else’s company, then he’ll desperately seek the ecstasy he’s craved for so long until he’ll see stars beneath the darkness of his eyelids.

His breathing is no longer erratic when he comes into consciousness.

“That was good,” she breathes out softly, and he turns in time to watch her brown eyes disappear from view.

“I have to go.”

He gets up from the bed and begins to move on autopilot, picking up his discarded clothes one by one. The woman immediately sits up and asks with an evident frown on her face, “Already? Didn’t you have fun?”

The corners of his lips are pulled upwards into a grin. “It’s for work.”

“At this hour? It’s almost one.”

“Midnight shift.”

When he’s dressed, he hesitates at the foot of the bed, shifting weight from one leg to the other. He’s never been the best with words, and his unexpectedly expected tryst with a stranger leaves him at a loss for what to say. It doesn’t help that the woman refuses to meet gaze with him.

I wouldn’t want to look at me either, he thinks bitterly to himself.

“Thank you for your time. I hope to see you around,” his half-truth is enough to pluck a rueful smile from her lips.

The bus ride back home is the longest one Jungkook thinks he’s taken ever since he moved to Seoul.

You watch as Taehyung lazily drags his feet behind him each step he takes towards the bed and breakfast place you decided to rent. The cicadas chatter loudly as if to cheer him on. A few more steps, they urge.

“Come on, Taehyung,” you groan from above the stairs, already reaching the top long before he does. “I’m about to pass out, too. But can we do it once we get to the bed?”

“I’m literally, like, dead,” you can’t help the roll of your eyes at his dramatic statement. But you hold your tongue back at any other snide comments that might offend him further. Patience is the key with him, always. Complaining to him, as you did earlier, will only force him to act against your wishes.

He reaches the top with a huff and a hand on his bent knees, handing you the duffel bag that’s filled to the brim with your clothes and his.

“That wasn’t so bad, right?” is your attempt at making the situation lighthearted and less serious than it needs to be.

“Still should have booked a hotel, instead,” his nose scrunches in obvious dismay.

“For the last time, I thought—”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” gone is the Taehyung of previous, whose tiredness begins with softness around his personality. It’s not unusual for him to get cranky after being jet-lagged. But hey, guess what, so are you!

You ignore him for fear of escalation as you make your way inside. A quiet chime of the bell signals your arrival, and your gaze meets a familiar set of doe eyes; someone you knew once upon a time in a place you can pinpoint exactly. His expression mirrors that of your surprised one as he tries to figure you out. It wouldn’t surprise you if he doesn’t recognize you as you did him.

It’s Taehyung who breaks your state of bewitchment when his shoulder bumps into your arms as he jogs towards the receiving desk.

“Hey, stranger! How long has it been?” Taehyung exclaims a little too loudly, his state of disarray seemingly vanishing in a flash. With the roll of your luggage as a guide, you follow after him, standing nimbly behind the shadow of his confidence.

“Since we graduated high school? Probably ten years,” he says humorously.

“That long, huh? Damn.”

They fall into a small talk which is somewhat out of sync, which is understandable considering the amount of time they haven't been in contact with each other. No matter how close they had been during their teenage years, some words are hard to come by more than others.

He suddenly calls your name out in a greeting, and you peak over Taehyung’s shoulder with a small wave of your hand. “Hey, Jungkook.”

His smile is gentle, and your mood shifts entirely.

“Are you back here on a trip?”

It’s clear the question was directed to you, but Taehyung absolves you the courtesy of answering. “Actually, it’s a work-related thing. She wanted to tag along.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” you say with a strained chuckle, and Jungkook glances between you and Taehyung.

“Ah, I see. In any case, I’ll get out of your hair,” he slides a pair of keys in your direction. “It’s well past midnight, so I’m sure you guys are tired from your flight.”

Taehyung snatches it up, and it falls into the pocket of his slacks with a soft jingle. He thanks him with enthusiasm before turning towards the direction of the elevator.

“Hope I see you around. Have good night.”

Something about your greeting has Jungkook’s eyebrows creasing in discomfort for a split second before he gives you a small nod. “I’ll be here if you need anything else.”

But he isn’t there to greet patrons by the next morning when you go down for your complimentary breakfast. Taehyung did not join you, opting for an extended hour of sleep. You didn’t mind, but you couldn’t lay aimless in bed for too long; you’ve always been a morning person, after all.

So you sit by your lonesome in the vast dining area, surrounded by an old couple in one corner and a young family of four in the other. The two children fight for the last remaining pancake while the parents share a hushed discussion. You glance down at your warm abalone porridge.

There was a time when you imagined such a life with Taehyung—a family you can call your own. Of course, it’s by no means too late for you; at the tender age of twenty-eight, you know that life still has a lot to offer. But approaching three years into your marriage, Taehyung does not present any hints of wanting such a future with you. Sure, the topic has been brought about occasionally, but never serious enough to be considered anything but a passing daydream.

“I hate to break it to you, but that soup isn’t going to give you the answers to your most pressing question, even if you stare at it like that.”

You look up to see Jungkook wearing an amused expression, carrying a plastic bag on his right hand. He follows your trail of gaze and lifts the item into view.

“I might have raided the kitchen before my shift is over. Don’t tell a single soul,” his gaze holds differently, but the smile he wears is the same one from his youth.

“Cross my heart,” you humour him, and his grin grows wider. “Have a safe trip home.”

His nose wrinkles in contemplation. “If you mean be careful going up the stairs to my room, then sure, I will.”

Your brows lift in confusion, “You rent here?”

“You could say that. I own this place,” the chair scrapes against the tiled floors as he welcomes himself into your bubble. “Well, sort of. My parents own this, but my older brother and I manage it.”

“You should have said so earlier!” you chuckle, placing your chin on your palm as you turn to face him. “I would have asked for a discount.”

“Ouch, this is exactly why I didn’t do that in the first place. It’s opportunists like you that I’m terrified of.”

“Okay, Richie Rich, I knew you were always a selfish prick even then.”

“Hah!” he exclaims, leaning closer. “I’m well aware of my reputation back then, and none of them was ‘selfish’. In fact, there was always a lot of me to go around.”

“I highly doubt that, somehow.”

“You wouldn’t know,” he says in a casual tone while crossing his arms in front of his chest. He gives you a knowing look. “You were always with Taehyung.”

“I was, wasn’t I?” you mumble against your palm, your voice growing quiet. Your ring suddenly feels heavy on your finger.

“Mhm, that’s why I wasn’t surprised when I heard you two got married a few years back. In another country, no less. Congratulations, by the way,” his tone softens, mirroring your sudden predisposition for a hushed conversation.

“Thank you,” you give him a genuine smile. “Married life is…”

“Different?” he offers, and you nod wordlessly. You would’ve chosen a different word for it, but you’re glad he finished the sentence for you. “All my other friends who’re in the same situation say so.”

“And you?”

He wears the same troubled expression from hours ago, but only for a brief moment. He mimics your posture as his face lights up with the biggest smile you’ve seen him wear. You know that expression; there was a point in time where you’d wear the same elated look when someone asks you about Taehyung.

“Long-distance. But we’ve been together for a couple of years,” he hesitates briefly, before continuing. “I’m leaving in less than two weeks to move in with her.”

“Where to?”

He reveals the name in a hushed tone, almost as if it’s meant to stay a secret between the two of you.

Your eyes widen with bewilderment, and he grins sheepishly. “Wow, that’s—”

“Halfway across the world? I know.”

It’s only when there’s a pause that you realize what your intended purpose is. So you dig a spoonful of the soup and chase the heat away with a quick blow before taking a quick bite.

“You’re really here just to tag along with Taehyung?”

You look at him in surprise, not expecting the subject to be brought out once again. “Not really. We um…”

You hesitate, unsure whether to share your thoughts or not. But Jungkook is neither a friend nor a stranger and is possibly the perfect candidate. There’s nothing that binds you to him and in a few weeks, you’d be back to being strangers. Perhaps he wouldn’t even remember your story.

“We didn’t really have an official honeymoon after our marriage, and this was supposed to be it,” you chuckle, trying to play the situation off nonchalantly. “He sort of double-booked because he couldn’t turn down this gig.”

“That seems shitty, to be honest.”

You’re taken aback by the ruggedness of his tone, and you immediately jump to defend Taehyung. “It’s fine, honestly. It’s been a while since I’ve been back home.”

“Yeah, you missed out on our high school reunion just by a month,” his aura is lighthearted once more, and you’re glad for it.

“You went?”

“Nah, there was nothing good to reminisce about high school.”

You turn to him with your mouth agape. “This is coming from the captain of the football team, Jeon Jungkook?”

“Ah, come on, stop with the teasing,” he says as he rolls his shoulder back, before clearing his throat. “It just so happened that I was good at kicking. And running. And scoring goals.”

Undeterred by his boasting, you give him a sly smirk. “I’m sure you revelled in the attention. There was enough of you to get around, you said?”

“Now you get it.”

You giggle and he laughs along with you. The interaction gives you a certain heaviness within your chest but at the same time, you feel lightheaded, almost as if you’re about to soar towards the heavens.

“I should go catch some sleep,” he says once your euphoria dies down. “I’ve had a long evening.”

“I’ll let you get to it, then,” you say almost wistfully. He mumbles a quiet later! and you allow your gaze to follow his movement.

“Don’t get lost on your way.”

He looks back and motions a mock salute. “I’ll come knocking on your door if I need help with directions.”

However, three days go by without seeing Jungkook; not in his usual spot at the entrance of the building, and nowhere near the kitchen or the lounge area. Although you weren’t looking for him by any means because Taehyung constantly kept you busy, dragging you from place to place to take cityscape photos for his client. Despite the constant travelling, it’s hard to enjoy the scenery when the affair appears to be completely one-sided.

There’s no mistaking the fact you’re extremely proud and gratified that Taehyung pours his heart and soul into each project he throws himself at. But would it hurt that much for him to point his lenses towards your direction even just once? Surely, your whole trip will not consist of you constantly waiting on him.

He must’ve noticed your affliction because suddenly the weight of his stare begins to feel heavier each quiet second that passes.

“Bored yet?” he asks, left hand on the wheel and the other placed on the knob to change the car’s gear. Your eyes flit back to him and his right palm opens for you to take. With your fingers interlocked, he places a soft kiss on your knuckles.

It’s difficult to harbour resentment towards him when he makes the butterflies in your stomach flutter with merely the tiniest of gestures.

“With you? Never.”

He chuckles, and you feel the rumbling of his chest as he presses the back of your hand against his chest. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat doesn’t match your erratic, nervous one.

“Hm, you should have said yes. I was going to save you of having to come with me later,” his tone is playful, and a small smile adorns his flushed lips.

“What’s happening later?” you shift in the passenger seat to face him.

“The dinner with Min, my client. I told you, remember?”

You carefully sift through your mind regarding your recent conversations with him. You recall them being short and clipped, sure, but none told you of a certain meeting with somebody else. So, you tell him in earnest, “No.”

“I’m sure you’re just forgetting,” his grip on you loosens, and you reclaim your hand before it falls on his lap.

No, you’re one-hundred-percent certain you would remember something as important as that. Yet you don’t tell him so and instead, you yield with a wordless nod.

“You mean to tell me you’re going to miss out on having takeout dinner with me?” you ask, attempting to humour him, but your tone mistakenly comes out tasting bitter on your tongue. The silence that ensues sears into your brain like the afternoon Seoul sun, prickly and scorching hot to the touch.

“You can come with, if that’s what you want. I’ll tell you in advance that it’s going to be boring, though, since we’re going to talk about work.”

Somewhere along the line, you presume Taehyung has developed the proclivity towards telling pretence with a straight face. It catches you off guard when you join him for the much-anticipated dinner that he apparently told you about. It’s not the fact that “Min” turns out to be a woman — you have no qualms about that. Taehyung is somebody who could make acquaintances with somebody while waiting in line for their prescription in a pharmacy. Rather, it’s the way he prepped you for the oncoming conversation or your lack of inclusion in any of them, for that matter.

Introductions aside, you found her to be amicable and friendly. But afterwards, you fell behind two steps as they divulged into a topic other than work. Despite the premise that the chat would be boring, Taehyung is deeply engrossed in whichever story she decided to share. You didn’t have quite the energy to match theirs, so instead of playing catch up, you decided to stop walking altogether. You watch as their figures grow smaller on the horizon, not even bothering to look back and ask if you’d like to join them.

She laughs at something Taehyung says and automatically reaches to grab his arm as she giggles along with him. When she makes eye contact with you, instinct tells you to force a smile. And you did, uncaring if she perceives your gesture to be nothing but utter bullshit.

You busy yourself with studying the restaurant instead as you pensively wait for food to be served. The dim lights of the room create a warm ambience — romantic, almost.

The gears in your brain stop turning as they click into place. Your pulse gums with vigour as you feel the sweat seeping through the pores of your palms. Suddenly, the vast expanse of the dining hall feels suffocating; there’s no room for you. To breathe, to feel, to be.

“I’ve got to go.”

You suddenly feel lightheaded as you begin seeing multiples of dark spots, clouding your vision. The floor caving beneath you, and you struggle to keep afloat.

“What?” Taehyung looks at you with wide eyes but makes no move to hold you back from gathering your things.

“I forgot I was supposed to meet a friend today,” you say with self-assurance, miming the same expression he wore when he lied: I told you, remember?

Taehyung stands when you move away from the table and hope blooms dangerously in your chest; your wish for him to hold you back and stop you from leaving begins to permeate.

(Though in hindsight, you should have known better.)

“I’ll call a cab for you.”

Static fills the void, and for the first time in his life, Jungkook fears the silence rather than basking in it. He’s unsure when his words began to fail him; is it because he’s nervous he’ll slip up and say the wrong thing? Truly, at this point, being seen as the bad guy should be the least of his concerns.

Because as far as any human with a functioning brain thinks, he’s already fucked up in more ways than one. There’s no returning from the level of hell he’s put himself in.

“Are you still there?”

Her voice is patient, but he can tell she’s apprehensive.

“Uh, yes—just, thinking.”

There’s a brief pause before an accusatory, “Look, if you’re having second thoughts then maybe it’s too early.”

He immediately leaps from the couch of the empty lounge area. It’s a little past eleven at night, so everyone is either already in their rooms or out enjoying the city, which gives Jungkook a leg room for privacy.

“What? No, that’s not it!”

Two years isn’t too damn early. He feels like he’s been waiting a lifetime; tired of the time difference, tired of the distance, tired of being deprived of touch. Tired of the same old city, with the same predictable people. Everything around him is starting to feel foreign; the steps that lead to the bed and breakfast lodging, the corner street that sells the best tteokbokki he’s ever tasted in his life, the crosswalk that has malfunctioning lights which should be a public safety hazard but at this point he thinks will never be fixed. It’s all mundane, cycling through the same wheel of routine.

He no longer wants to feel apathetic when he faces his future while he houses resentment on his present self milling around aimlessly. She’s his only ticket to escape, so he better stop fucking around and tell her the truth.

But where to begin?

“Listen, I—”

“Whatever it is, can you please just say it? I’m leaving for work soon.”

He takes two steps back, for fear of retribution. Is he ready to ruin the entirety of her day?

“Never mind. I’ll talk to you later. Have a great day at work.”

She heaves a sigh, and preemptively ends the call.

“I suppose I deserve that,” he mumbles as he stares at his phone with her name printed in big letters across the screen. He contemplates pressing the call button and finally telling her everything—her work be damned. He knows that he owes her the truth at the very least.

But you come barrelling down the door, barefoot as you clutch your heels safely between your armpit. You’re dressed formally, yet casual enough for a nice dinner outside plenty of Seoul’s restaurants. But the slight stutter in your step and your somewhat dishevelled hair tells Jungkook all he needs to know. He doesn’t have to hazard a guess.

“Jungkook!” you raise your arms as you exclaim, and the wooden floor welcomes your shoes with a loud thud. “It’s been so long. What are you doing here?”

He laughs, not because of your deeply inebriated state, but because of your inquiry. What the hell am I doing here? He’s been asking himself that very same question without an answer in sight for a while now.

Though he doesn’t have time to answer because you almost knock him over when you skid over to wrap your arms around his neck. His senses are overwhelmed with the pungent smell of liquor, mixed with a subtle hint of rose water.

“I miss you.”

Jungkook is perplexed by your brutal honesty, to say the least. Though he knows to excuse any action while somebody is foolishly drunk, so long as they are not harming anybody or themselves. You grow quiet, and Jungkook is about to ask where you’ve been when he feels dampness on the front of his button-up shirt. He looks down and sees you visibly shaking, before grabbing at his sleeves seemingly for physical support.

It’s when you ask, with conviction, “Why did you hold me back?” that he realizes you aren’t referring to him. So, he wordlessly wraps his arms around you as he pats your back reassuringly. He doesn’t mind that you began sobbing louder, not even when a guest comes through the door and gives him a perplexed expression. He simply nods in their direction as a form of acknowledgement before giving a tight-lipped smile.

When minutes pass and Taehyung doesn’t arrive, he puts two and two together and concludes that he had to be the reason. His heart squeezes painfully as you attempt to swallow a sob which ends up sounding more agonizing and hollowed, carrying with them the weight of all the sorrow you’ve seemingly piled up.

When your cries are reduced to soft hiccups, you pull away from him with a quiet apology. Jungkook shakes his head as he places his palms delicately against your face before wiping the remnants of your sorrow away from your cheeks.

“Better?”

“No,” you sniffle. “I feel like shit.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I wanna go out again. Will you come with me?” you look up at him, bleary eyes pleading. Jungkook dips his chin as he guides you to sit on the leather couch, which you thankfully follow.

“At this rate, you’re going to pass out before we step foot outside the building.” With a sigh, he crouches down to reach eye level with you. “Do you need to puke?”

“I already did that after getting off the cab earlier, I think.”

“Okay then, wait here.”

You nod wordlessly and he goes to pick up your discarded shoes before placing it near your naked feet. He unlocks his phone as he makes his way to the dining hall, dialling a familiar number.

“Jaehyun?” he asks after the third ring. “Can you come earlier for your shift? Something came up.”

When he’s sure someone is going to take over for him, he makes his round in the empty kitchen, grabbing whatever he thinks might be immediately necessary: clean towels, an empty bucket in case of an emergency, and a glass of water.

You’re placid when he returns, eyes puffed out and red as you stare at nothing in particular. He hands you the water and you immediately finish it before he can blink.

You mumble a quick apology as he exchanges the empty glass for the clean towel.

“Don’t worry about it. This will all be billed towards room service.”

You chuckle and throw him back the towel which lands squarely on his face.

“Not funny.”

“I’m dead serious. Look at this damage on my shirt!” he points at the makeup smear accusingly, causing an escalation in your laughter. But the tears return, and you wordlessly wipe them with your palms.

“Come,” he offers his hand for you to take. “You have to eat.”

You stare wordlessly at it for a while, before taking it and pulling yourself to stand. You’re wobbly on your feet, and Jungkook tightens his grip on your hand in an attempt to steady you.

“I can’t go out like this,” you mumble. Jungkook nods in agreement as he wears a playful grin. You nudge his side, brows furrowed and lips forming into a pout. “I know I look like a mess. No need to rub it in.”

“I never said anything,” he chuckles. “Weren’t you the one asking to go out again?”

“I still do. But don’t worry,” you pat the back of his hand reassuringly. “You don’t have to come with.”

“I haven’t noticed Taehyung pass through yet, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Jungkook watches your expression morph back into a blank stare. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything, after all. His mind scrambles to quickly divulge the topic. “Where do you want to go? I already called my replacement at the front desk—”

“I know this is a bed and breakfast and not a hotel, but you guys have liquor, right?”

You’ve somehow convinced Jungkook to siphon a bottle of whiskey and a few cans of beer from the lodging’s inventory. Though he can quite happily admit that it didn’t take much to get him on board. But he technically can’t be seen drinking and lounging on the job for morale’s sake, so he sneaks in some food along with the alcohol — and you — back to his room. Although Jaehyun did catch you and Jungkook on the way up.

(He promises a wage increase if Jaehyun doesn’t say anything to Jungkook’s older brother. You didn’t have to but since you offered, I’ll take it, the latter said.)

“Apologies for the mess,” he mutters, holding the door with his foot as he welcomes you. He turns on the lamp instead of the main lights since they’re less obtrusive to the eye.

“Are you kidding?” you stumble in, trying not to drop the cans of beer you’re holding. “This place is practically spotless. You have bodies in your closet, don’t you?”

Jungkook laughs as he makes a beeline for the makeshift table sitting between his pseudo-living-room-slash-bedroom and kitchen—

“Wait, you have a kitchen?”

Jungkook isn’t sure if you’re perplexed or amazed. He shrugs nonchalantly either way.

“Perks of being part-owner, I guess?”

He haphazardly throws a blanket and a pillow near the table for you to sit in, but apparently, you have other plans and proceed to make a home for yourself in his bed. You bury your head in the sheets, mumbling, “It smells good.”

“I change the sheets every month,” he boasts rather proudly; all part of his routine.

“I should definitely check that closet.”

“By all means,” he grins, plopping down in front of the table. He’s yet to have dinner, so his intentions to get food and beer had been partly selfish. Jungkook turns to you, now laying on your side, sullen eyes already studying him. He quickly looks away and grabs a spoon before holding it up.

“Food? You’re probably hungry, right? I know I’m always craving, especially after a good cry. Not that I cry often, but doing so from time to time doesn’t hurt either, I suppose. I hope that doesn’t sound too weird—I know there’s this stigma around men and crying but honestly, it’s all such bullshit. We are born into the world crying, it’s literally the first thing we do as humans. Anyway, do you fancy some beef and white rice? I know it’s not much, but...what are you laughing for?”

Jungkook watches you descend into hysteria, clutching your stomach as your giggles turn silent, but your shoulders are still visibly shaking. You heave for air, turning over so your back is face to him.

“If I knew I was this funny, I would have switched careers,” he mumbles, though loud enough for you to hear, as he stuffs his face with rice.

“It’s not too late,” you reply with a sniffle. “You can still change your mind.”

“That’s true, I suppose. Don’t they have that saying that goes ‘a fickle heart is the only constant in this world’ or something?”

Your head whips back towards him, swollen eyes wide in astonishment. “Did you just quote Howl’s Moving Castle?”

His nose scrunches up in deep thought. “Maybe? I did watch it recently.”

“You’re an odd one, Jeon Jungkook,” you muse quietly, eyes mimicking one of the phases of the moon as you grin.

“Says the person who’s soiling my fresh linen with her tears,” he says playfully. But there’s no reply this time around, and he quickly backtracks. “It’s okay to laugh at that one—it was a joke. A very terrible one, apparently.”

“No. You’re quite spot on, actually.”

Jungkook doesn’t speak for a while, unsure whether he should be overstepping the boundary more than he should have. But he looks at your vulnerable state, splayed across his bed, and thinks all formalities are out the window at this point. Despite the previous state of your relationship with him, or otherwise the lack of it, this would probably constitute friendship. Therefore, as a friend, it’s his moral duty to rid you of your throes and woes, even just a little.

“Where did you go, anyway? Must have been fun if you got all shit-faced like this.”

Keeping the tone airy is probably the best way to go as an introduction.

“Just a pub. I didn’t want to go clubbing by myself, it could have been dangerous.”

Jungkook’s forehead creases with worry, and he holds himself back from the question that he’s burning to ask: Then where the hell is Kim Taehyung? He reserves the right to be outright angry because he knows it’s not his place to. He reaches for the can of beer, which hisses in frustration when he opens it.

“You don’t have friends in the city?” he asks, hoping you will not take offence at his question. You shrug.

“I didn’t really keep in touch with anyone after moving away. It felt weird asking someone out of the blue.”

“You could have called me,” he says without much thought.

“I seriously considered it, but…” you trail off, leaving Jungkook to fill the void himself. He doesn’t mind that he probably didn’t cross your mind as a go-to person to call in times of crisis. “I heard you were quite the party pooper in high school, so I had my doubts.”

“Hey!” he protests, but you ignore him and continue. He doesn’t disagree, of course, but being called out is not a fun experience whether it came from a drunk acquaintance or not.

“New in town, straight-A student—but to be fair, quite good-looking and athletic to boot. My god, all my friends had a stupid on crush on you.”

Jungkook’s cheeks grow warm with embarrassment at the deluge of compliments. “Me? With gangly limbs and an awful bowl-cut? Who couldn’t even get a single word out to anybody, especially girls, without stuttering? That Jungkook?”

“You need to give yourself a little more credit than that, Jeon.” You’re facing him once again, both hands tucked neatly beneath your head.

He nods as an acknowledgement but swiftly changes the subject. “Are you sure you don’t want to eat, though? I’m halfway through this already.”

“I’m sure. I think I’ll probably just nap, then go,” you chuckle. Jungkook can only offer you a rueful smile. He doesn’t mind if you’re unwilling to share the whole spiel of what caused you to be miserable enough to drink by yourself. He’s quite well-versed in that area, after all. It doesn’t solve anything, sure, but it’s enough to numb the feeling of being alone with his thoughts. He doesn’t have to guess who the root of it is, though.

He sighs as he turns on the television, before lowering it down to a manageably quiet level where it will not disturb your sleep. He doesn’t have a particular show in mind to watch, but having the mindless static accompany him is more than enough.

“I lied,” you begin after several minutes of silence. “I can’t sleep.”

“That’s because you’re doing it wrong,” he motions for you to move over as he walks closer to the bed. You follow his instruction, and he peels a layer of the bedsheet. Jungkook laughs as you scramble to get under it. “Better now?”

You didn’t answer but instead, lift your head from the sheets before nodding. He’s overcome with a sense of assurance when he sees your peaceful, content expression.

He hasn’t so much as turned his back on you when you call his name out once more.

“Jungkook.”

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

“Just make sure you leave us a five-star rating.”

He grins just as you crack one eye open. “I’m serious.”

“So am I. We need that public approval to keep running,” he watches the corner of your lips twitch in amusement as you settle back comfortably into the futon with a nod.

“Jungkook.”

“Yes?”

“Was I wrong? For feeling wanted, I mean.”

Your question catches him by surprise; suddenly the hardwood floor beneath him begins to feel cold against his feet. Instead of returning to his previous spot, he carefully sits on the edge of the bed as the springs creak from his weight. He pulls both his legs underneath him; he couldn’t quite face you, so he stares at the television, instead.

“I don’t think so. We all crave validation, more so from our partners than anybody else. I think it’s natural. Otherwise, it’s pointless.”

“Pointless,” you echo softly.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t work it out, though. Part of it is communicating your needs to each other.”

Hypocrite, Jungkook says to himself. It’s laughable, the level of bullshit he allows himself to bask in. What’s the point of giving someone else advice, when he can’t even get his shit together?

“You have to be truthful because the other person might not know what you want.”

“I know that,” your voice is shaky when you speak. Jungkook hedges his bet and assumes that you began crying once more; he didn’t need to look back to confirm. “I guess I’m just scared of facing the outcome of the confrontation when it does happen.”

“You don’t want to be abandoned when shit hits the fan,” he says more to himself than you.

“Exactly. I don’t even know when it began. One day I just woke up and,” you pause, and Jungkook hears you sniffle. “And everything felt so unfamiliar. The places—the people I thought I knew. It’s like I dissociated from my body, and I've just been on autopilot ever since.”

You pause, and Jungkook continues for you. “And you thought going along with the flow would fix things, but it feels even more jarring because you’ve lost that sense of familiarity.”

“Yeah, exactly. I thought coming here would somehow magically restore everything, but quite the opposite, actually. I guess running away from it doesn’t solve anything,” you chuckle bitterly. He slowly shifts on the bed to face you.

For the first time in a long time, Jungkook feels seen; like someone has found the lock to the door he threw away so long ago. Your words continuously play on a loop in his mind, forcing him to look at the actions he’s been taking. Certainly, he’s not racing away from himself by choosing to move to a different country despite his parents’ protest, is he? What about the fact that he chooses not to tell her, the supposed love of his life, about the fact that he’d felt so deprived that he couldn’t resist the temptation to have sex with someone else? And to top it all off, he doesn’t have the guts to tell her.

Jungkook knows he doesn't deserve the right to sit there and tell you what to do when he doesn’t dare to be honest in his relationship.

When you’ve cried your eyes dry and the evenness of your breathing signifies you’re fast asleep, Jungkook gently moves from his spot on the bed. He grabs the phone that has been idly on top of the table, before heading to the bathroom and closing the door shut. No matter the outcome of the conversation, she deserves the truth.

Jungkook inhales deeply and presses the call button.

You rise before daybreak, and at a glance, Jungkook is nowhere to be found. There’s a painful throb on the side of your head as you sit up, and you ignore it as you untangle yourself from the sheets. With the help of the lights from the television, you find him splayed across the couch not too far from where you stand. He’s still wearing the same clothes he had on a few hours ago, and guilt creeps up quicker than you anticipated it to.

You untuck the blanket you’ve used from his bed before walking towards him, careful not to disturb his slumber.

“I apologize for bothering you,” you mumble as you lay the blanket softly on top of him. You didn’t think to wake him before your departure; you already told him that you were set to leave after a short nap, anyway.

Hurriedly, you exit his room, forgetting that you’re completely barefoot. It’s fine, it’s just a few floors down, anyway.

The short elevator ride gives you little room to prepare for what you’re going to tell Taehyung. You glance at the phone you’ve been keeping on ‘do not disturb’ to find two missed calls from him a few hours prior. You just hope he’s already asleep by the time you get to your room.

You’re relieved when you enter and the lights are turned off. It feels juvenile to be sneaking around as you use your phone’s light to pick up a discarded shirt before stripping away your clothes and hurriedly putting it on.

Taehyung’s body is turned towards the wall as he hugs the pillow tightly against his body. Seeing him tranquil and at peace shifts your mood, as if all the frustration you feel dissipates within an instant. You slide under the covers, careful not to disturb him but he shifts at your presence anyway. He forgoes the pillow, snaking his arms around your waist instead as he inches closer.

“Where have you been?” he murmurs sleepily against your ear.

“Just...here.”

He doesn’t ask further and you don’t elaborate, thinking that he’s fallen back asleep. A part of you is glad for the unadulterated freedom he’s giving you. But there’s a sudden feeling of optimism; perhaps the sensation of loneliness will pass, and that you’re merely being dramatic (for the lack of better term). Once again you’re lulled into complacency. But it’s never a bad thing to just hope for the best, right?

But Taehyung is gone by noon when you finally have the decency to peel yourself off the bed. There’s a simple text from several hours ago that reads: Didn’t want to disturb you. Call me later.

You do exactly that, but it takes you straight to voicemail. Twice. Three times.

Dread settles in the pit of your stomach, but you try not to read into the situation too much.

“It’s fine, I wanted a day to go around by myself anyway,” you say out loud, uncaring if the walls are the only ones hearing you out. You fall back into the mattress, knowing the eagerness to get ready will not come unless there’s anybody to encourage.

But it seems like you didn’t have to wait for your saving grace for too long because your phone rings and you immediately roll over to reach for it.

Your heart sinks when you read the caller ID, but you grin and answer the call, anyway.

“Hey, Mom.”

She answers back cheerily, before divulging into her familiar list of questions; the usual how are you’s and the have you been eating well’s. When she finally inquires about Taehyung, you answer hesitantly.

“He’s out for work. You know how it is.”

She sighs and you wince, regretting your choice of tone. “Did you argue again?”

“No! That’s not it at all. I’m just—”

“Whatever it is, just be patient with him,” she admonishes. Your grip on the phone tightens. Right, because that very same rhetoric did nothing to salvage your marriage with Dad. It had been one of the reasons why you decided to move away after high school in the first place. Your mother managed to convince you to move in with her, stating that she wanted to make up for being absent most of your youth.

A different country. Foreign places to see, people to meet. The thrill of it all had been enough to convince you to depart the only place you knew your entire life. But part of the reason why you agreed had been because you were growing weary of living with your father’s new family. There was never a sense of belonging that tied you to Seoul despite spending all your life there.

Except for Taehyung.

He followed you five years later, like a fool in love. Then you decided to get married two years after rekindling your relationship. Three years since then, it feels like you’re floating in between two sides of the same coin with him, neither in bliss nor in terror.

“I know,” you chew your bottom lip. Fear is catching fire in your chest, and you smother it quickly so it will not disperse and reach your heart. “I’m trying.”

She switches the topic quicker than you can wipe the tears that manage to fall, and soon enough she’s complaining to you about having to come out for late lunch with her friends. Your answers are short and subdued, just enough to let her know that you’re still there, but your mind is itching to run somewhere else. Before she hangs up, you give her a gentle reminder to check on your apartment. She promises not to forget.

“Have fun, dear! Don’t forget to visit the places I told you about.”

“You act as if I didn’t live here before,” she chuckles at your unintended humour. “But don’t worry, I won’t.”

The line cuts after a short goodbye, and you welcome silence with a long sigh. It seems like there’s a lot on the list for you to finish: get some food to cure your hangover, take a nap, and then another after waking up. The prospect of going out alone is more daunting than it seems, therefore, staying in feels like it’s the best option.

Suddenly, a fleeting thought crosses your mind. You could have called me.

You instinctively reach for the telephone by the bedside table and dial his room number, fresh and vivid in your memory.

It takes half an hour to get to the destination Jungkook suggested. He agreed that you’ll treat him to (a very late afternoon) lunch if he picks the place.

“No way, it’s still here!” you exclaim as soon as you step foot off the cab. Waves of nostalgia come trickling in one by one, then hits you all at once when you open the door. Your senses are overwhelmed with familiar spices as soon as you push the door open. You look back and beam at Jungkook, who’s watching you with a small smile.

It’s only when you’re seated and have ordered that Jungkook clears his throat before saying, “I’m glad you still remember.”

You gawk at him, before crossing your legs firmly beneath you.

“Are you kidding? They have the best bibimbap and tofu stew. I was here almost every night especially during the exam period.”

“I know,” he says with confidence and you eye him with suspicion. “I mean, it was tough not to. You were always so loud around your friends.”

You scoff at him despite you knowing it to be true, but Jungkook takes no offence to it as he grins.

“It’s called having fun. You should try it sometime,” you point at him with your spoon.

“I am having fun with—”

“If you say ‘with you’, I swear to god you’re going to pay for the food instead,” you warn him despite a smile threatening to break from your lips.

“With you,” he emphasizes the phrase almost mockingly. You murmur the word “impossible” under your breath as you feel the tips of your ears grow warm.

Although the comment seems gratuitous at the time of its conception, to Jungkook’s credit you also come to enjoy time spent with him. Perhaps it’s the fact that he stands between novelty and familiarity that you fall into an easy discourse with him; you didn’t have to choose your words too carefully or worry that he might think ill of you based on what you say. There’s no seed of doubt and no root cause of anxiety.

You can’t help but find it odd, nevertheless.

Jungkook, whom you’ve never shared more than two lines before your current interaction with him. You’d never have thought in a million years you’d confide in somebody who used to give you odd stares and unfriendly glares when you passed by him in the halls of your high school. The past you would gawk, confused as to how he manages to coax even the tiniest smile out of you.

You’re about to point out that very fact to Jungkook when your phone rings and you’re immediately reprieved back out of the comfort of his presence.

It’s Taehyung, and you immediately answer.

“Babe, don’t freak out, but I’m currently in Daegu. Crazy! I know, I know. But remember I told you last night about—”

He begins listing names you recall hearing in passing. But it didn’t matter, because you stop paying attention after hearing where his current location is.

“—is why I couldn’t answer your call. But don’t worry, I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon, probably.”

You watch Jungkook shift in his seat as he asks you if everything’s all right. You nod instinctively.

“Okay.”

“Cool. I’ll call you again later after we get settled. Love you.”

“Mhm.”

He must have been in a hurry because the call cuts before you could get another word in. Although you didn’t attempt to answer longer than a few sentences in the first place, afraid that the quiver in your voice will reveal the hurt and anger that has slowly been piling up one by one.

Jungkook thinks you’re a dam that’s overfilled and just about ready to burst. He’s afraid because you seem overly happy, obviously overcompensating for the devastation he had seen in your eyes hours prior to your call. He needn’t guess who it had been on the other side. Although he doesn’t know what Taehyung said, it’s enough to send you in a frantic search for your sanity.

This begins with you asking him to go to a karaoke bar with you, before proceeding to order several drinks. It’s on me, Jeon! I owe you lots, you declare before proceeding to down a whole glass of beer in one go.

Within the privacy the four walls of the room bring, you pour your energy into one upbeat song after another, seemingly uncaring of Jungkook’s presence. That is until your umpteenth song ends, and you turn away from the screen dramatically and towards him to hand him the mic.

“Your turn!”

“Great, I thought you’d never ask,” he says sarcastically and you join him on the seat, giggling. He takes the remote and punches in his selected number as a familiar tune comes through the speakers. He looks at you as he begins to sing the lyrics of the verse, and you break out into a small grin.

“I’m trying to realize, it’s alright to not be fine…” he sings softly as your head gently leans on his shoulder. Jungkook lets you.

He does again on the cab ride to the pub for a late dinner. And again on the way home. The weight of your presence against him is most likely inconsequential to the heaviness you carry around with you. That’s why he’ll do his part even though he most likely doesn’t have to; anything to let you know you’re not alone. He just hopes you know.

“Jungkook,” your voice is quiet against his ear as he carries you up the concrete steps.

“Yes?” he adjusts you on his back, careful not to drop you. He’s only slightly inebriated, and he’s hoping there will be no accidents for him or you.

“Thank you.”

“Just leave us a—”

“Five-star rating,” hearing your laughter feels ticklish in his stomach. “I will.”

His older brother greets him with an odd look once he enters the door of the lobby, before asking, “Is this what you skipped work for?”

“I’m only cashing in my days off before a leave,” Jungkook points at the elevator with his chin.

“Yeah, yeah,” his brother says dismissively before pressing the button for Jungkook. Silence passes through them as they wait for the doors to open. “Is she the reason why you changed your mind?”

Jungkook feels the steady rhythm of your pulse against his back, which is kilometres away from his erratic heartbeat. He tries not to put too much thought into it; he did just carry you up several flights of stairs, after all.

The harsh ping of the bell saves him from answering, and the older didn’t press him any further. It’s only after he’s turned the keys to your room, safely placed you on the bed — but not before he falls back onto the spot beside you with a deep sigh — that he has the time to formulate an articulate response.

“I’d like to think I did it out of my own volition. But a lot has happened the last few days, and, well…” he trails off as he turns his body to face you, one hand tucked against his cheek as the other reaches out to comb a stray hair out of your face.

You stir under his touch but he doesn’t make the effort to move away.

“Seems like I owe you again, Jeon Jungkook,” you whisper, the words stringing together seemingly in an indecipherable sound. He manages to put the pieces together, nonetheless.

“You’re not under any obligation to repay me,” he grins when you peel your eyes open. “I don’t want to give you all the credit, but you might have saved me more than once.”

“How so?”

The reflection of the city lights chase away the dimness of the room, but they also reflect your eyes in a way that makes Jungkook think you’re holding the galaxy’s secrets within them.

“I was having this, sort of, midlife crisis—”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” you place your elbow against the mattress as you lean your flushed cheeks against your palm. “Saying you’re having a midlife crisis now in your late twenties makes it seem like your life’s going to end in your sixties.”

He shrugs half-heartedly. The pessimist in him urges him to declare, “Who’s to say I won’t?”

“Boo! I hate this story already.”

“Buckle up, because it’s about to get worse,” he smiles wryly.

And Jungkook opens up his fresh wounds and bares his soul without pomp and flowery words. He watches your reaction intently, nonetheless, knowing well enough that by the end of the night, he might get kicked out of the halls. He’ll take the punishment kindly, since she didn’t have the chance to slap him when he could tell, despite the distance, that she would punch him square in the face.

“I know it’s wrong, and I’m not making any excuses for my actions.”

“I feel like I have no place to get angry at you. But strictly speaking, from a rational person’s point of view...fuck you.”

“I deserve no less,” he says, appreciating your candour. “That’s why last night, when you fell asleep, I told her everything. I realized that I had no place to speak of communicating when I’ve been holding out on the truth from her for a while now. You can only imagine how angry she is with me.” He swallows thickly, hating the way his throat constricts uncomfortably. Perhaps he did care about how you’ll view him, after all.

“Are you all right, though?”

The worry engraved in the crease between your brow disarms him; the unexpected delicacy in the way you ask him suddenly brings him into sobriety. After hearing the phrase I don’t want to see you, ever, he hasn’t had the time to process how he feels other than the guilt that continues to plague him. He’d buried heartbreak that comes along after losing somebody so quickly that realizing it now has him terrified of himself.

Has he truly reached the point where he’s incapable of feeling anything?

Or is it that somewhere between then and now, he’s fallen out of love with her and made excuses for himself so that it’s easier to let her hate him because he didn’t have the courage to break it off? Is it because he’s using her as an excuse — his ticket out of Seoul, out of the life he thinks to be mundane? Because if so, then he’s an even bigger scumbag than he originally thought.

“Jungkook?”

The warmth of your hand on his cheek salvages him from sinking into the bottomless depth of his thoughts.

“I can’t believe I strung her along for this long.”

Then it hits him all at once; an unavoidable freight train carrying the emotions he’s repressed himself from bearing. In him blossoms the violent need to abate the heaviness that began festering within the depths of his mind a long time ago.

One sob and you pull him against you. Two and you’re running your hands soothingly down the curves of his back. Three, and he’s clinging onto you for dear life as the uncontrollable cries consume him. He’s overcome by a sense of déjà vu as you wrap your arms tighter against him.

Jungkook lets you.

Again and again, he will selfishly welcome your presence, as if doing so would diminish him of any wrongdoings he has committed.

You drift in and out of consciousness, but the warm body stays unchanged beside you. Another aspect feels indifferent: The pounding headache constantly knocking against your temple. In hindsight, you probably need to stop drinking to the point where your body can’t handle the after-effects. Inhaling slowly puts your mind at ease as the scent of fresh lavender wafts over your senses; you’re immediately reminded of hanging freshly laundered sheets during a hot summer day. Only one person manages to conjure such specific and vivid imagery for you.

Jeon Jungkook.

Your body goes rigid at the feeling of his heavy arm draped across your waist. You slowly open your eyes, hoping that your initial hunch is wrong, and you’re merely dreaming that you let someone who’s neither a stranger nor a friend lay in bed with you.

But you’re met with his peaceful sleeping face, a stark difference between last night’s troubled and despaired Jungkook. For a split second, you let your mind wander with your heart amongst the perilous grounds of your imagination.

If picturing life with him is a sin, then there’s absolutely no saving you from entering the depths of hell.

(A tad bit over-dramatic on your part, but you believe you have the license to do so since you just woke up in the arms of someone else other than Taehyung.)

Despite the slight panic accentuated by the quick palpitations of your heartbeat, you make no genuine effort to move away. Bits of cynicism creeps up, either way, as you berate yourself for clinging onto anybody willing to keep you company.

But at this point, is Jungkook truly just ‘anybody’ to you? In a short period of time, you’ve managed to share more with him than you’ve had with Taehyung. With Jungkook, there’s nobody to compete for attention with.

So, what is holding you back from leaving the anguish behind and instead run straight on towards Jungkook? Is the sanctity of marriage you’ve sworn to uphold after seeing how it tore your own family apart enough of a reason to stay with him?

The answer sits on the tip of your tongue like a ripe fruit ready to burst.

Jungkook shifts his position as he raises one eyelid open before breaking out into a lazy grin. You return the gesture as you peel yourself away from his touch to sit upon the mattress and stretch your limbs wide.

“That was the best sleep I had in a while,” he admits.

“Maybe all you needed was a good cry.”

He gives you a knowing look. “Maybe.”

Silence ensues, and all of a sudden you’re unsure of what to tell him when minutes ago you allowed yourself to stare at him unabated. How exactly are you supposed to express gratification to the person who’s allowed themselves to be the unfortunate passenger to your rollercoaster of emotions? What’s more, is you’d done the same for him. Do you, then, without a need for more words, go back to how it had been previously and pretend nothing had happened?

You didn’t have much time to ponder because your phone vibrates in the back pocket of your jeans.

“What do you mean by ‘we need to talk’?”

“Good morning to you too, Taehyung,” you mumble. Jungkook’s eyes widen in surprise, as if in sudden realization of something he’d forgotten. He moves off the bed and motions for the bathroom. You nod wordlessly. It almost slipped your mind that you sent him a somewhat vague text the night previous after Jungkook’s spiel. “It means exactly what it says. We need to talk when you get back. You are coming back, right?”

“What’s with the sudden hostility in your tone? Of course, I’m coming back.”

“I think I deserve to be a little hostile,” a sudden wave of bravery washes over you. “How exactly am I supposed to feel after you leave me without warning on our trip?”

“I told you—”

“Stop fucking lying to me, Kim Taehyung,” your voice breaks as tears blur your vision. “You never talk about anything with me anymore, and you know it.” There’s a certain pride you feel when he doesn’t respond right away. “I can’t talk to you about this on the phone. I’ll be here when you get back.”

Jungkook returns well after you’ve ended the call with Taehyung.

“I should probably get back to my room and change. I need to take over for my brother.”

You follow him towards the door, where he haphazardly puts on his shoes. When he stands, he gazes at you, eyes filled with tenderness. Your heart stutters. “Will you be okay?”

“Of course,” you offer him an encouraging smile, but he doesn’t return it. With one nod he’s out the door, and you watch as his figure retreats towards the elevator without so much as a wave, not knowing that would be the last you see of him for a while.

Taehyung’s arrival comes earlier than expected and catches you after your long shower, but says nothing to quell your worries. He merely sits on the bed and watches you pace around the room; for a comb one minute, then you put on lotion next, then you’re folding clothes to be laundered — anything to busy yourself from confrontation. It’s not that your courage has wavered, but rather your dignity prevents you from breaking first.

Yet as soon as your name rolls off his tongue, there’s a magnetic pull that has your feet nimbly walking to where he is.

“I’m sorry,” is all it takes from him for you to unravel completely. There’s no shortage of fresh, hot tears as he engulfs you against him. You bring your palms up to grab on his shirt tightly, before hitting his chest with no real intentions of hurting him. He doesn’t stop you but instead pulls back to place a chaste kiss on your forehead. Your arms fall nimbly to the side and Taehyung continues to mutter apologies one after the other, catching each teardrop before they reach the bottom of your ruddy cheeks.

He waits until you’ve stopped sobbing before you begin diving into a conversation that’s been long overdue. Slowly, the walls you’ve built around yourself begin to crumble brick by brick as the imperfections of your relationship reveal itself on the surface. It’s uncomfortable for him as much as it is for you to dredge up old wounds, evident by the way his eyes well up with tears, but it’s an intervention needed to regain what was, if possible.

Both you and Taehyung know one conversation is not enough to undo the fractures, but it’s a step closer towards salvation.

The end of your trip creeps up closer than you’d like. You stopped tagging along with Taehyung’s workdays because he agreed to go places with you. Days without him are spent milling around the neighbouring places of the bed and breakfast, which leads to your discovery of the best spicy rice cake just around the corner of the street. There is also the obligatory bike ride alone around the Han river, which proves to be more satisfactory than almost anything you’ve ever done.

You find yourself looking for Jungkook in-between the hours where your mind wanders and for a split second, all of your thoughts are suddenly dedicated to him. Deception comes in the form of denial when you push the aimless sentiments aside, afraid that you might get too carried away. It’s maddening to think that he only seems to show up in times of dire need as if the deity responsible for overlooking fate is playing tricks on you.

(Though you know that if you want to see him, the only thing you have to do is knock on his door. You dismiss that idea, either way, for fear of being too obtrusive.)

On the day of your departure, you wake up early to catch breakfast. You ask Taehyung if he wants to join you despite knowing the answer. He grunts in response but stays unmoving. You untangle yourself from the warmth of his body before placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

Food has been prepared once you’re in the dining area, but there’s nobody to be found. It immediately reminds you of the first morning of your arrival—the excited faces of the children and their parents who were engrossed in a serious conversation, and the elderly couple enjoying their morning of peace together. Two weeks have gone by, and you’re not even sure if they’re still here or if they’ve moved on to see other places, meet other people.

Inadvertently, you steal a glimpse of the kitchen door, waiting for it to swing open and reveal the one person whose smile you’ve been longing to witness one last time. You grin as you shake your head; your propensity towards wishful thinking never ceases to make you feel disheartened.

“Last time you were staring longingly at your soup, and today you’re smiling to yourself,” his voice cuts through your thoughts intrusively as he strolls in, dressed down in a pair of casual joggers and an ill-fitting shirt too big to possibly belong to him. “Hi.”

Your gaze meets his, and breathlessly, you say, “Hi.”

He doesn’t make any gesture that indicates he wants to sit and chat this time around.

“Been busy?”

“I could say the same about you,” your lips curl upwards in a small smile. There’s a landslide of things you want to ask him, topics you want to share. You want to thank him over and over, invite him for a meal or even a simple walk around town. But words seem to fail you as you shift your eyes to stare at your half-eaten plate of fruit slices.

“My older brother mentioned you’re leaving today,” he announces offhandedly, scratching the nape of his neck. You’d like to think he’s just as unsure as you on how to go about having a conversation. Is he also stumbling over his thoughts like you are?

“Uh, yeah—” you flick your wristwatch to check the time— “I just have to wake Taeyhung, and we’ll be on our way.” The rueful smile he gives you feels like a splinter prodding your heart. “You?”

“Oh, I was just on my way to grab something before heading to the gym.”

“Ah,” you nod. Unlike the last time you two shared a conversation in the same place, this one is marred by awkward pauses and long bouts of silence. Afraid this will cause him to leave, you promptly state, “I honestly thought you ended up leaving the country since I didn’t see much of you.”

“That was the plan, yes,” his smile finally reaches his eyes. “I was supposed to leave a week ago— I mean, I had already bought the tickets and despite how it ended with me and her, I still wanted to leave. But someone told me just because you try to run from your problems doesn’t mean it will not follow you there.”

You chuckle as you shake your head. He continues. “I feel like I owe it to her to grant her wishes of not wanting to see me, no matter how much I wanted to get out of this place. A lot of reasons compelled me to stay, and I think I’m better for it.”

When your gaze meets his, there’s an unstated agreement; a kinship that cannot be unbound, locked away in a time you can only revisit through your memory.

“With that being said, I might tour Europe in two months’ time, starting with Sweden,” he grins playfully, cheeks dotted with a dimple. You roll your eyes as you stand before shoving him lightly by the shoulder.

“Alright, Richie Rich, no need to rub it in. I get it, I get it.”

“You have me mistaken, Miss. This was a culmination of years of hard work and savings.”

“I’m happy for you,” you say with finality. No matter how much you did not want the conversation to end, there’s a twinge of sweetness to a farewell amidst the bleakness that often comes along; it doesn’t always have to end in thunder and rainfall.

But then he asks, “Are you happy for you?”

It might have been then, at that moment, where you’d willingly say blurt the phrase out loud, your situation be damned. But you didn’t—you couldn’t. Not when you nod wordlessly. Not when he opens his arms seemingly as a conclusion, a wordless action that says: I should probably let you go so I can also go about with my day. Instead, you carefully place the three words in your back pocket to be used later before you step into the warmth of his embrace.

He whispers a farewell and a promise that you know you’ll carry in your heart until the time fate allows you to meet again at another time and another place.

#jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #taehyung fanfic #jungkook fluff #jungkook scenario #taehyung scenario #jungkook x you #taehyung x you #taehyung x reader #jungkook fic #bts fic #bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff #writing #taehyung #jungkook

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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25 Hardest PC Games of All-Time

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The most fascinating thing about the history of difficult PC games isn’t necessarily the difficulty of individual titles but rather the diversity of difficult experiences the platform has gifted us throughout the years.

From meme games specifically designed to make you rage quit to underrated platformers and punishing puzzle titles, the history of difficult PC games essentially doubles as a fairly comprehensive look at all the ways developers have creatively punished us for daring to think we were ever good enough to beat their cruelest creations.

What are the most difficult PC games ever made, though? Well, answering that question is only slightly easier than actually playing the games on such a list, so in the interest of honoring the hardest PC games ever, we’re offering an extended look at the games that made you toss your mouse and keyboard in the air and briefly consider the benefits of smashing the family computer. We’re also focusing on games that were initially released exclusively for various PC platforms (or at least games that weren’t simply ported to PC later on) in order to properly pay homage to the truly unique ways our personal computers have tortured us throughout the years.

25. Minesweeper

The first PC game many of us probably played dominated computer classrooms, ate up more free time than many of us will ever care to admit, and ultimately confounded a generation of gamers who desperately tried to see its victory screen.

That’s what’s impressive about Minesweeper. It’s ultimately a pretty challenging puzzle game that becomes borderline absurd at high-difficulty settings, but I’m just amazed that Microsoft was bold enough to make such a confusing, complicated, and difficult game one of the most recognizable early Windows experiences.

24. Dota 2

This is a bit of a tricky entry, largely because I’m hesitant to highlight PC multiplayer games in this discussion about difficult titles. Obviously, it’s pretty hard to win a match against some of the best competitive multiplayer players in the world.

What separates Dota 2, though, is its incredible learning curve. Yes, top-rank Dota play is incredibly difficult, but the barrier to entry in this game is so thick that it’s amazing most new players even stick around to try to learn it.

23. Rainbow Six: Rogue Spear

If you’re only familiar with the Rainbow Six series because of Siege (which, to be fair, is a challenging game in its own right), then let me just warn you now that you’re probably in for a world of hurt if you ever dare to try to play the first few entries in this long-running franchise.

The only word that properly describes Rogue Spear‘s difficulty is “unforgiving.” You have to be nearly perfect in your planning, aim, map, knowledge, and execution of all of those elements if you’re going to have any chance of completing this game’s most difficult missions. Don’t even get me started on those stealth sections…

22. Return of the Obra Dinn

There are quite a few challenging “logic puzzle” games on the PC, but what separates this truly incredible experience from some of its immediate competition is the way that the game’s time manipulation mechanics require you to cross-reference nearly every piece of information that you acquire with every other piece of information you acquire.

Yes, you can make educated guesses in Obra Dinn, but that little piece of freedom just shows you how complex this game’s puzzles really are. Return of the Obra Dinn doesn’t just make you think; it demands a different kind of thought process than you’ll find in any other game or any other kind of storytelling experience.

21. Kerbal Space Program

It’s not hard to enjoy Kerbal Space Program. It is, after all, a fairly goofy game about building spaceships where half the fun comes from watching your plans quite literally blow up in your face. However, have you ever tried actually playing Kerbal Space Program well?

If you have, then you probably already know that Kerbal Space Program is one of the most complicated and mechanically advanced PC games ever made. Building a fully functional rocket in this game’s nightmare world of physics and miniature components is only slightly less difficult than being asked to build a rocket in real life.

20. Hotline Miami

Hotline Miami is widely recognized for its all-time great soundtrack and absurd violence, but don’t let this game’s popularity somehow convince you that it is not one of the most unforgiving and mentally exhausting action games ever made.

While each level in Hotline Miami is essentially a puzzle, few puzzle games also demand perfect aim or the ability to pick up a makeshift weapon at just the right moment in order to salvage your plan of attack. Few gaming experiences match the feeling of getting a Hotline Miami level just right.

19. Dead Cells

Dead Cells is so much fun to play that you might forget that it’s absolutely one of the most challenging action games of the last few years. Of course, that reality will rise up and smack you in the face the moment that you dare to try to beat the game’s later levels.

Even if you “grind” your way to the top of Dead Cells and unlock every weapon, attribute, and skill, you’ll still struggle to topple this game’s most devious challenges. By that point, though, you’ll likely be too committed to seeing it through to realize that you’re actively being beaten down.

18. FTL

FTL certainly wasn’t the first roguelike game, but this crowdfunded title elevated the genre with its incredible sci-fi setting, brilliant structure, and intense strategy-focused combat sequences. It’s also the game that showed millions just how difficult roguelike games could be.

Years later, it’s easy to argue that FTL is still one of the hardest roguelike games out there. You can do everything right in this game (which is certainly no easy feat in and of itself) and still instantly lose the “perfect run” thinks to one of a hundred random little things that can go wrong.

17. SpaceChem

Imagine trying to pass an advanced chemistry test while simultaneously attempting to re-wire the electricity in your home. That’s roughly what it’s like to play SpaceChem: one of the most complicated puzzle games ever conceived.

I’d say learning to play SpaceChem is half the battle, but the thing that is so interesting about this game is that you never really entirely learn how to play it. You just learn to roll with the punches and make the most out of the various challenges this game uses to constantly keep you on your toes.

16. Flywrench

At the risk of relying on too many comparisons, I’ll say that the best way to imagine what it’s like to play Flywrench is to imagine trying to play Super Hexagon and Super Meat Boy at the same time without messing up in either. That’s roughly the Flywrench experience.

What’s amazing about this game is that even those with lightning-fast reflexes aren’t guaranteed to be good at it. Victory in Flywrench comes down to a brutal combination of reflexes, map memorization, quick reads, and the kind of persistence that few games would ever dare demand from their players.

15. S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl

Somewhere between a survival horror game and a simulation shooter lies S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl: one of the most original, terrifying, and yes, brutally difficult PC games ever made.

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl convincingly sells the horrors of its setting by burdening you with the knowledge that you could indeed die at any time. If this game’s atmosphere, story, and tone don’t make you feel depressed, trying to navigate its toughest sections will probably do the trick.

14. Dark Seed

While it’s true that the best reason to play Dark Seed is its incredible horror style (which is actually based on the art of H. R. Giger), the second-best reason to play Dark Seed is the desire to experience as much digital pain as possible.

Dark Seed’s puzzles are hard enough on their own, but this game takes things one step too far by utilizing a time limit system that affords you almost no time to stop and smell the roses. You could argue this game would have been better off overall without that time limit system, but it certainly wouldn’t be as notoriously difficult as it very much is.

13. Devil Daggers

If you’ve never played Devil Daggers, please be sure to find the time to do so. This absolutely incredible FPS experience effectively reimagines classic shooters as a kind of arena action game that places you in the middle of a small circular stage that is quickly swarmed by the most horrifying foes you’ll ever dare to imagine.

Devil Daggers is basically what you’d get if you used mods to turn Quake into a bullet hell shooter. Ther are safe zones in this game, but good luck spotting them in a 3D, first-person setting while you’re actively trying not to die at every single moment.

Games

PC Gaming Innovations That Changed the Way We Play

By Matthew Byrd

Games

25 PC Games That Changed History

By Matthew Byrd

12. Discworld

Even at a time when point-and-click adventure puzzles were designed to be as difficult as possible, Discworld quickly gained a reputation for featuring arguably the most challenging collection of puzzles that genre has ever seen.

Discworld embraces the outlandishness of its source material by tasking you with solving puzzles that quite honestly defy any logic that we mere mortals are used to adhering to. Just when you think you may have possibly found a solution to one part of its devious puzzles, you suddenly realize that you haven’t begun to appreciate the maddening scope of what this game truly expects from you.

11. 1001 Spikes

1001 Spikes isn’t just a throwback to the golden era of “NES hard.” It’s a hall-of-fame worthy collection of all the mechanics, ideas, and venomous design decisions that made those games so difficult (with a few new tricks thrown in).

From bottomless pits to invisible blocks (and yes, a couple of spikes), 1001 Spikes is an angel to some and a demon to others. It really all depends on how fondly you remember the years of your youth that you spent dying to the cruelest 8-bit titles ever made.

10. Commandos: Behind Enemy Lines

In a previous article about a nearly impossible dungeon crawler called The Immortal, I talked about how that game tries to make you walk a very specific path to avoid its various death traps. Well, Commandos utilizes a similar trick with one fascinating twist: you have to blaze your own path to victory.

Commandos is a game of inches. Every move you make has to be carefully considered because each could trigger a mistake down the line that is nearly impossible to recover from. That level of freedom is both incredibly frustrating and the thing that keeps you convinced that you can eventually get it right if you hang in long enough.

9. Gabriel Knight 3

This is another case where I’m not actually sure how much Gabriel Knight 3 deserves this “honor” given that it features some of the most illogical, frustrating, confusing, and often downright unenjoyable puzzle designs in adventure game history.

Having said that, I ultimately see this as the final boss for genre fans. No matter how good you think you are at solving the most confounding adventure game puzzles ever crafted, I’m willing to bet that this game will leave you seriously considering downloading a walkthrough and calling it a day. This game’s “cat puzzle” alone has broken the strongest souls.

8. Darkest Dungeon

Moment to moment, Darkest Dungeon is difficult in all of the ways that you’d expect a roguelike dungeon crawler to be difficult. Tough enemies, minimal resources, incredible RNG swings…the gang is all here.

What separates this title are the mechanics you have to deal with in-between those dungeon dives. Properly managing your always ailing party of heroes often requires you to make difficult strategic decisions that simultaneously punish greed and pretty much demand it if you’re going to have any chance of reaching this game’s nearly impossible final dungeon.

7. I Wanna Be The Guy

I Wanna Be the Guy is both a throwback to the golden age of difficult games and a kind of experiment in how difficult you can make a game without it technically being impossible. It succeeds in both endeavors.

There are many PC games like I Wanna Be The Guy, but this is the title that alerted many of us to the wide world of these indie experiences that are designed to bring you to your breaking point. It’s one of the ultimate examples of how the PC gaming community has been pushing the limits of difficult retro gaming experiences for quite some time now.

6. Dwarf Fortress

Any discussion about Dwarf Fortress‘ difficulty has to eventually address the debate over whether or not you should see this as the kind of game you’re meant to “beat.” For millions of players, Dwarf Fortress is really about the process of figuring out how to do your best in one of the most mechanically complicated games ever.

That brutal learning curve certainly makes Dwarf Fortress worthy of consideration for this particular list, but it’s the “endgame” that ultimately makes this experience so special. Much like Kerbal Space Program, it’s when you try to succeed at Dwarf Fortress that you appreciate how challenging this fascinating blend of role-playing and world-building really is. Dwarf Fortress is arguably the deepest rabbit hole in video game history.

5. Getting Over It With Bennett Foddy

There have been quite a few incredibly difficult “meme” games in the past, but for my money, none have come close to topping this masterpiece.

Getting Over It‘s controls are ultimately the source of its legendarily frustrating gameplay, but the thing that will always define this game is that feeling you get when you realize a single wrong move can reset all the progress you’ve made so far. Few other games in history have combined persistence and mechanical challenges quite as well as this one.

4. X-COM: UFO Defense

There’s no denying that modern XCOM games are incredibly difficult, and there’s no denying that those who are able to beat modern XCOM games deserve a firm pat on the back. That being said, no modern XCOM game will ever compare to the difficulty of X-COM: UFO Defense.

The thing that separates UFO Defense from its competition in this category is the way that it demands you master and constantly consider a daunting number of gameplay mechanics. There is almost no room for error in this incredible game, and you probably won’t even know that you’ve made a mistake until it’s far too late to do anything but start over again.

3. Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy

Is Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy a troll game? Yes, yes it is. However, that doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be on any shortlist of the most difficult games ever made.

I highly doubt a developer will ever dare to construct puzzles as complicated as the ones featured in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Part of the “appeal” of this game is actually the way that its nearly impossible logic puzzles accentuate the ridiculous, yet despondent, nature of its humor. Just be sure to bring a towel.

2. Osu!

I’ll just come out and say that there’s never been a rhythm game as difficult as osu! With no assistance from a required peripheral instrument, osu! manages to challenge your mechanical abilities like no other entry into this genre has ever dreamed to do.

Honestly, the only thing you really need to know about this game is that some of the top FPS players in the world use it to prepare for competitive tournaments and matches. It’s the purest and most challenging video game reflex test that’s ever been constructed, and it’s hard not to love it for that.

1. Wizardry IV: The Return of Werdna

If it seems strange to put an RPG at the top of a list of the hardest PC games ever, that’s because you don’t know Wizardry IV.

Wizardry IV is a unique dungeon crawler where you’re essentially cast as a villain trying to work your way out of Hell. Actually, the best way to describe this game is just that. Hell. From constantly shifting maps to an experience system (or lack thereof) that requires you to beat incredible challenges without being able to consistently rely on your character actually getting stronger, Wizardry IV is quite simply the cruelest game ever made.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Honestly, Wizardry IV’s first room is arguably the most difficult and unintuitive challenge in video game history. From there, things only get worse. It’s an absolute masterpiece in “f*** everything about this” video game design.

The post 25 Hardest PC Games of All-Time appeared first on Den of Geek.

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oureuphoria · 5 years

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Worst of You - JJK 08

You meet him under horrible circumstances but everything feels perfect when you’re with him. Too bad you have a bitch of a best friend, anxiety and an inability to learn from your mistakes which cripples your chances to be with the man of your literal dreams. He, however, is a police officer with years worth of built-up turmoil and an inability to make attachments. Or “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.” “Cool, I’ll let everyone know you’re moving in then.”

Genre: fluff, angst, comedy

Pairing: officer!jungkook X collegestudent!reader

Word count: 2,304

Note: Things get sad in this chapter and :(

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 |

Jungkook was confused. He was confused about how you had gotten in, who you were with and more importantly, why you were here when this seemed to be the last place you’d want to be. In spite of his confusion Jungkook knew that to his knowledge you were still 20 and definitely underage, so it was his legal obligation to check up on you. It was definitely not because he wanted to talk to you, just following procedure.

“What are you doing here?” You hadn’t noticed Jungkook sit next to you until he spoke but you refused to spare him a glance. You were worried that was all it would take, one look at his wide brown eyes that seemingly held the universe and you’d be putty in his hands. “None of your business.“ “When you’re underage it is.” “It’s my birthday, officer.” You threw your ID card to him which he checked meticulously. You snatched the card out of his hands after he’d had a good look and hopped off the stool.

“If you don’t mind, I have to go back to Jimin.” Just as you are about to walk away from him, Jungkook lightly grabs your hand. “Wait.” You turned back around to face him but expertly avoided his eyes. “I’m sorry.” It wasn’t much but it was all Jungkook could fathom and yet both of you knew, it wasn’t enough. You gave him a small smile before you replied, one that seemed more sad than polite. “Yeah, me too.” And with that, you walked away, shoving Jungkook and his ridiculously beautiful face to the back of your mind.

“Jimin!” You had finally found your friend who hadn’t been even half as happy to see you as you were him. “Y/N, I know it’s your birthday and I promised I’d be with you but the most gorgeous boy is here and I really need a hook-up. If you’re not okay with it I understand but-” “Go! At least one of us has to get lucky tonight.” You waved him off and he retaliated with a bone-crushing hug. “I love you so much. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Whether that promise was empty or not, you were going to hold him to it because letting him abandon you in this club all alone is definitely a sizeable sacrifice.

You walked back to the bar where you were relieved to see that Jungkook had left. Against your better judgement, your eyes subconsciously scanned around for him and when you saw him, dancing and having the time of his life while you were there following in self-pity, you realised you definitely needed another drink.

Perhaps it was your lack of experience or your Jungkook-induced sadness or even your empty stomach but you were drunk. Only 2 drinks in and you had completely lost all sense of rationality. Unfortunately, the bartender was unaware of just how much of a lightweight you were and proceeded to provide you with the tequila shots you weren’t sure why you asked for.

They tasted horrible and after downing two, you realised you never wanted to drink one again but for the first time in a long time, you had felt entirely carefree. It was nice, for the blissful moment it lasted but when your eyes had landed on Jungkook again, this time sitting at a bar next to some girl who was definitely prettier than you, carefree had turned into careless and you were making your way over there before you could process it.

“Hi, I’m sorry but I really need to speak to him.” Giving the poor girl no time to reply, you had dragged Jungkook towards the end of the bar where there were far less people and the music was softer. “You, sir, are an asshole.” In between your words, you had made the honourable decision to jab Jungkook in the chest continuously. Drunk you believed you were emphasising your point, sober you would’ve cowered at the mere mention of such an action.

“Are you drunk, Y/N? Where’s your friend?” “He left me for someone prettier, everyone keeps doing that to me these days…” You pouted as you strayed completely off topic and tears began welling in your eyes. You were an emotional drunk, you found that out the hard way. “I’m taking you home.” “No! I still haven’t finished.” Jungkook sighed in frustration and motioned for you to continue, the girl at the bar was long forgotten and Jungkook didn’t even care.

“Why are you such a liar?” The waterworks had begun and while it was obvious you weren’t entirely competent, Jungkook felt the sting in his heart all the same. “Please, baby don’t cry.” “Don’t call me that. Stop making me think you care when you clearly don’t and next time grow the balls to say you don’t like me you jerk!” Your words were slurred and your delivery was a little off but Jungkook heard you loud and clear. He wanted to explain, he wanted to wipe your tears away and reassure you that he was enamoured by you, he adored you and wanted nothing more than to be by your side. But you were probably too drunk to remember and it was too late to try.

“I’m sorry, just stop crying, please.” You tried and you weren’t sure why. The pain in Jungkook’s voice had hurt you and even while drunk, you’d do anything to make that pain go away. So you stifled your tears to the best of your ability, the only thing left behind were tear stains and your quiet hiccups. “Good job, now let me take you home.”

Jungkook didn’t expect you to fall asleep in his car, but then again he also didn’t expect you to berate him at a club. “Y/N, baby, wake up.” You were a light sleeper, he knew that much, which was why he was shaking you softly. You fidgeted in his seat a little before opening your eyes ever so slightly. “I’m sleeping, go away.” Drunk, sleepy Y/N was a challenge Jungkook didn’t know how to face. He also didn’t know how he was going to get you inside or whether or not you had your keys and going through your bag felt like a violation of your privacy so Jungkook decided to take you to his apartment instead.

When you woke up the next morning, something felt off. Your bed was never silk and you never remembered it being this big. You flailed your hand around for your plushie and when you had opened your eyes, you jolted upright in shock. That action was instantly regretful because of the pounding headache you had suddenly gotten and your wincing had captured Jungkook’s attention.

He was dressed in grey sweatpants and a tight grey t-shirt that left scarcely anything to the imagination. If you weren’t dying from a migraine you might’ve appreciated the view but all you could think about was this numbing pain. “There’s aspirin on the table and a glass of water.” You nodded, reaching for your knight in shining armour as you consumed the medication.

“Do you remember anything?” You remembered everything but you wanted to spare yourself the shame so you kept silent. “I tried to take you to your apartment but you fell asleep so I-” “I understand. Thank you, I hope I didn’t cause too much of an inconvenience.” You had began wandering around the room, collecting your belongings so you could leave as quickly as possible but Jungkook didn’t want that. “Y/N, slow down. I’ll give you something to change into, that dress can’t be comfortable.” He was right, it wasn’t. But neither was this predicament and every second you spent there was a second spent remembering the night you’d rather forget. You never drinking, ever again.

Jungkook had come back from raiding his closet with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. “You can change in the bathroom. Come down and eat breakfast and then I promise I’ll take you home.” “I don’t need to eat.” You shook your head, even tried rejecting the clothing but Jungkook had dropped it into your arms. “Unless you want to puke for 3 hours I suggest you get changed and come down to eat.” You rolled your eyes but complied nonetheless.

You looked up at your reflection and you were a mess, your makeup was inconsistent, you were assuming it was because of the tears. Luckily, you didn’t wear mascara and after washing your face and tying up your hair, you started to look like yourself again. Jungkook’s clothing, which seemed to engulf your figure, had smelt nice and felt soft. You didn’t want to get used to it so you pushed those thoughts to the back of your mind and left the room.

You could see the stairs clearly from where you were standing so finding the kitchen was straightforward enough. Jungkook was seated on the island, phone in hand with two plates of what looked like omelettes. Jungkook had looked up at the soft patter of your feet and smiled. “You look good in my clothes.” You mumbled a quiet thank you and hopped onto the high chair that was surprisingly comfortable. “You want coffee?” You shook your head and poked around your omelette, you were never a big fan of eggs but you’d never complain.

“Fuck Y/N, I can’t take this, please talk to me.” You wanted to but you’d already said all you wanted to say yesterday (rather harshly) and you didn’t feel like repeating yourself. “There’s nothing to talk about.” He sighed and got up to pour himself a cup of coffee, when he had returned, you had already eaten a third of your omelette. “Can we go now?” “Can you listen to my explanation first?” You nodded timidly, you wanted an explanation desperately but you were also scared of the truth. That he didn’t like you and never did.

“My first ever love was in high school. She was my senior, I was a year younger and infinitely less experienced, but that didn’t stop me.” You both laughed, knowing that Jungkook was stubborn when he wanted to be. “She was beautiful, the kind of beautiful that took time to truly process, she was smart, book smart at least and she was kind to everyone, even when they didn’t deserve it. We dated for just over a year, it was nearing my graduation when she passed away. Car accident, drunk driver. Instead of getting the justice she deserved, her parents who barely had a dollar to their name were forced to settle for the equivalent of a used Toyota. The girl who hit her was old money rich, her family had connections with the best defence attorneys in the world. The lawyers she hired, put a price on a person I loved, they tried to tell me how much her life was worth and it wasn’t generous.”

Jungkook wasn’t crying, but you were. You knew the world was cruel but growing up in a middle-income family in a peaceful neighbourhood truly shielded you from a lot of life’s challenging aspects and knowing this had happened to a girl, just like you, really shattered your heart. You felt even worse trying to imagine how Jungkook had felt and how horrible the situation was in general. “I pursued law enforcement for her. She’s the reason I’m where I am today. I’m not asking for your pity, or excusing my actions but I want you to understand. Every time I start falling in love with someone, I pull away because no matter how tough I look, I can’t deal with loss.”

“I thought pushing you away would protect myself and that was incredibly selfish, and I’m sorry. I thought that I could do this, that’s why I confessed but the moment I was alone with my thoughts again, I realised I couldn’t. But for you, I’m willing to try. I’ll put everything I have into this, all I ask is that you forgive me for the colossal asshole I’ve been lately.” Jungkook held your hands in his and you giggled through the tears after he’d insulted himself and Jungkook felt his heart swell at you.

“Alright but from now on, just give me the worst of you and we’ll deal with it together.” “Deal.” Jungkook inched closer to you, his hands cupped your face as he wiped the remnants of your tears. With your faces barely a centimetre apart, you could really see the pain in his eyes and all you wanted to do was kiss it away. So you did. Dragging his head down by his neck, you gave Jungkook a soft kiss on the lip that barely lasted a second but he needed more.

Jungkook had opted to rest one of his hands on the back of your stool, the other on your cheek as he kissed you deeper. “I’m sorry I ruined your birthday.” Jungkook whispered out in-between kisses. “Nap with me and I’ll forgive you.” Jungkook chuckled before placing one last peck on your lips. He wrapped your legs around his torso and lifted you up smoothly. You squealed in shock but Jungkook ignored it, his mind solely on getting you back in his bed. You really did nap, and you enjoyed it quite a bit, after all his arms were the comfiest pillow.

#jungkook #jungkook imagine #jungkook fic #jungkook smut #jungkook x you #bts #bts fic #bts reactions #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts smut

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animeniacss · 3 years

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A Palette of Emotions - Artist!Taehyung x Teacher!Reader - Chapter 29 - Make A Decision About Your Decision

Synopsis: Taehyung dreams of being a professional and famous artist one day, but finds that the sea of creativity can be lurking with blood hungry sharks, as well as bland, motionless starfish. Swimming through the sea of opportunities somehow washed him up onto the shore of Bright Star Preschool, as an art teacher. This wasn’t where he expected to be 4 years into his career, but anything to get his big break though, right?

Feat. BTS, TXT, ITZY, Jisoo (BlackPink), Taeyong (NCT)

Genre: Romance, Slow Burn, Love Triangle, Drama, School Setting, Working!AU

Length: approx. 5k words

Chapter 29 - Make A Decision About Your Decision

“Namjoon, I need to talk to you-.” You began, shifting slightly. Namjoon watched as you smoothed out the sides of your skirt, fixing your apron as your eyes lifted to meet his again.

“I was just about to say the same thing to you.” He responded, putting his hands in his pockets. “Would you like to go first? You look more flustered than I do.” Quickly, you covered your ears, trying to see if you could feel the heat rising through your cheeks and to the tips of your ears. Namjoon chuckled a bit. “Sorry.” He added quickly.

“I just wanted to talk to you about the whole… you and Taehyung thing.” You admitted. Namjoon nodded, his small and amused smile straightening out into an unreadable line. You hummed, pressing your hands together in front of you. “I…made my choice.” When you stopped speaking after that, Namjoon’s smile quickly returned. He gently placed a hand on your shoulder, and you looked up. The smile on his face had you wondering what he was thinking, and if it differed from the truth, how would you tell him without hurting his feelings? “Namjoon, I-.”

“You choose Taehyung, didn’t you?” he asked curiously. You didn’t respond right away, so Namjoon only continued. “I could tell the minute you said his name because you looked away.” All you could do was respond with a nervous chuckle. “It’s okay. I kind of had a feeling this is what would happen.” That was a lie, and Namjoon on the inside was crumbling. However, the last thing he would do is showcase that in front of the woman he loves, much less in front of his son’s preschool. “Have you told him?”

“Oh well…uh, about that.” You sighed. “I don’t think I will tell him.” You confessed. Namjoon cocked an eyebrow in confusion. “When I went to tell him, he told me about this huge opportunity he has at the Korean University of Arts…” Namjoon nodded. “And it’s pretty far away. So, I’m worried if I tell him that it’ll…keep him from going.” A soft chuckle escaped your lips. “Saying that out loud makes me sound a bit narcissistic, that the idea of being with me is enough to keep him around.”

“I would do it,” Namjoon said quickly. “So, it’s not a totally unimaginable thought.” A breathy chuckle escaped your lips, stomach fluttering as if a handful of butterflies were trying to escape up and out of your throat. “Besides, there’s a lot here that I’m sure is making his decision tougher than normal.”

“And I don’t want to add it.” You added. “I waited too long and that’s that. I just wanted you to know because…I thought it would be unfair if I didn’t.” Namjoon nodded.

“I appreciate it.” He said. He watched as your head turned towards the school, where Hoseok and Taehyung shuffling the students into a line, some being more unruly than others and requiring Hoseok’s stern voice to get them in line. You smiled a bit. “May I ask you a question, though?” You turned back to Namjoon at the sound of his question. “I was going to ask you this with different intentions but…regardless. My company is having a party and I wanted to invite you. Originally, I meant to ask in the context of a date, but-…” he chuckled, but time, you could feel the pain coming from it. “But, if you’re comfortable, I’d love for you to come just as a friend. I think it would be fun, and maybe clear your head.” For another moment, you didn’t respond. “Only if you want to. I’ll understand if you don’t.”

“That’s not it.” You admitted. “I…think it would be fun. Besides, I know a few people at your job. Like Jimin.” Namjoon smiled, nodding his head. “Just…let me know when it is, okay?”

“Right.” Namjoon had to admit, he was stunned you agreed right after the conversation the both of you had had, but maybe it was your way of coping, your way of dealing with the tidal wave of emotions suffocating you. However, you choose to perceive this evening out with Namjoon, he would make sure you had nothing other than a good time. “I’ll let you get to work.” He spoke. You nodded, waving as Namjoon slipped into his car. He watched as you headed back to the line, hopping behind the students as they disappeared behind the front doors. Ryujin was quick to look up at you as the doors closed behind you, shielding Namjoon from your view. For a moment, Namjoon sat back in his car, closing his eyes and running a hand through his face. A part of his brain told him to cry, but his eyes refused to do so. He was devastated that despite everything, despite knowing you and loving you longer, he lost. All he could think was What did I do wrong? Where did I mess up?

After a few moments, Namjoon let out a deep sigh, started up his engine, and drove down the street. The day had barely started, and he already wanted it to be over.

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Have fun at your meeting. You remember saying to Taehyung at the end of that day. Taehyung grinned at you as he finished packing up. See you in a few days.

I’ll be back soon, so don’t miss me. It’s only an orientation with the CEO to finalize everything.

Yeah, but you’re leaving me with the art duties until then. You remembered Taehyung’s deep, amused laugh that erupted like his chest, and you remember the forced giggle you had to give to keep the mood light. That was already two days ago, and Taehyung would be gone the rest of the week, visiting the campus, filling out paperwork, signing up for classes, and cementing the fact that he would be going there starting the fall. It was as if it was a void that was stuck right in the middle of Bright Star Preschool, and no amount of silly songs and games, or hours of free play with Yoongi outside were enough to keep the kids from thinking about Taehyung.

“Teacher…” Lia said softly, looking up at you. You glanced down, watching as Lia scribbled with some brand-new crayons onto a once-white piece of paper. “When is Mr. Kim back?”

You sighed, smiling softly. “Soon, Lia. He’s doing some important artist work now. So, Mr. Hobi and I are still going to be your art teachers for a bit. How’s that sound?” Lia smiled a bit, nodding her head. “Okay.”

“I made a picture of Mr. Kim and me. I wrote ‘Miss you.” You glanced down at the picture, and where she pointed to the words, some of the neatest preschool words a 4-year-old could create, yet still somehow hit by the hand of a toddler. “And my name.” her name was a bit neater to read. “Mr. Kim likes gray…so his shirt is gray.”

“Very nice. He’s going to love it.” You said happily. Lia’s eyes sparkled, nodding her head. As you continued to walk around, monitoring the kid’s free activities, you couldn’t help but feel off. This was the time the kids usually spent with Taehyung, working on some amazingly intricate craft or colorful project that never fully turned out right, but the creativity from the kids was just as apparent as the creativity from Taehyung. Arriving back at your desk, you sank into your seat, spinning towards your computer and taking the time to search up some children’s nursery rhymes. Hopefully, some background noise of the kids belting out songs would make you feel at ease. When that thought crossed your mind, you knew you must have finally hit rock bottom.

When one of the children’s favorite nursery rhymes, Morning Glory, began playing, you could hear a few of the kids gasp, joy filling their lungs as they began to sing along to the best of their ability. Resting her chin in her hands, she silently watched the kids play for the last bit of time they had to do so before it was time to return to work.

Hoseok slipped into the classroom moments later, the sound of the nursery rhyme filling his ears. A grin formed on his face as he watched the kids singing.

“Oh, I love this song.” He gasped. Quickly, he began singing as well, a few nearby kids giggling at the man but continuing to sing with him. You had only glanced up for a moment, giggling softly to yourself before turning back to your computer momentarily. Hoseok walked farther into the classroom and glanced over at where you sat in the room. He could immediately sense the solemn feeling that surrounded you, even though a smile was painted delicately on your face. He watched you for a moment, as Beomgyu hurried over to you, alerting your attention in his direction as he held a picture up in your direction. The small smile on your face widened as you took the picture into your hands and examined it. The song playing and the kids singing made it hard to make out your conversation with the child, however, he watched you both talk. Beomgyu turned to the wall plastered with pictures created by the kids, obviously begging you to hang the photo up. You nodded, standing up from your seat, the picture still in your hands. Beomgyu jumped up and down in excitement as he followed you to the wall, where you taped up the picture exactly where he requested, beside a previous drawing he had made in Taehyung’s class using paint.

Glancing down at the child, you patted his head and sent him on his way, the child grinning in delight. Once he was gone, you smoothed out your skirt and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. Hoseok took this opportunity to approach you, smiling the closer he got.

“You okay?” he asked curiously, alerting your attention towards him. “Normally you’re singing the nursery rhymes the loudest.”

“I’m just a bit tired today, I guess…” you said softly, pressing your hands together.

Liar. Hoseok immediately thought, but still, he offered a small smile. You turned towards the wall above the board, which housed the dolphin painting you had gotten. It seemed like so long ago now, a present from Seokjin. You remember coming in Monday morning, just as Seokjin had asked. However, instead of sticking it in the hallway, you hung it right up in the room above the board. It was the first thing you saw every day when you walked in. Hoseok, following your gaze, stared at the picture as well. Shuffling closer, he gently took your hand in his, out of view of the children, who were too distracted to notice anyhow. You turned to look at him, and he leaned down slightly so he could whisper to you: “Let me take you out to dinner tonight, okay?” You seemed a bit hesitant, but Hoseok wasn’t done. “Nothing fancy. Let’s go to the bar, have a few drinks, and relax. You deserve it…” Gently, lovingly, Hoseok squeezed your hand in his, smiling sweetly at you. “It’ll be fun…”

“…Okay.” You said softly, offering your friend a smile in return. Slowly, Hoseok removed his hand, putting it on his hip as he turned back to the kids. He quickly hurried over to the kids again, continuing to sing the next song that came up on shuffle, The Tomato Song, a classic. Now, you noticed, Hoseok had a slight spring in his step. Clapping your hands together, the kids turned to you, and you closed the music down. “Okay class, let’s start cleaning up.”

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“This place is even better knowing I’m going to come here.” Taehyung hummed in awe, turning to Jimin. His friend laughed a bit, nodding his head in agreement. The duo had spent the day getting another full tour, being briefed on what the scholarship could entail, and looking over possible courses that Taehyung would take to start his career. It was a long day, a stressful day, but Taehyung was beaming in ways he had never before. Each new thing revitalized him as if he was never tired at all. He spent hours chatting with Mr. Oh about the school, the classes, and the overall path he wanted to take in his artistic career. Mr. Oh listened intensely, smiling all the wild as they chatted.

“Mr. Kim, I must admit, each minute talking with you makes me feel even more excited that you’ve agreed to this.” Mr. Oh said.

“Thank you, Sir, I feel the same way,” Taehyung said.

“I’m amazed you haven’t found success sooner. Surely, you’ve attended various art shows before mine.” Taehyung nodded.

“Yessir, I have. I hadn’t had much success, though. They were either small-scale events or…” Taehyung trailed off, thinking back to almost a year prior, at the art show of Mr. Oh Min Jae. He remembered how furious he was that night, how humiliated he felt knowing his work was dismissed for opinions and not constructive facts. He most likely scowled thinking about it, because a had patted his shoulders. When he looked over, Jimin offered him sympathetic eyes. He knew exactly what was running through Taehyung’s mind, possibly even better and clearer than Taehyung did. The male coughed into his hand. “I’m sorry, Sir. I’ve just had…very unfortunate experiences of people dismissing my work.”

“I can tell by your face.” Mr. Oh hummed. “I’m sorry to hear you’ve experienced that. However, art involves peaks and valleys, high and lows, positives and negatives. You’ve got something special, and I think that your time here will reflect that.” Taehyung nodded, smiling a bit.

“Thank you.” He responded softly.

“With that, I’ll give you the list of classes and let you get on your way. Look it over and I’ll see about setting you up with one of our class representatives to prepare your classes for the first term. If we can’t do it before you have to leave, we can do it over the phone.” Taehyung nodded, both he and Jimin standing up to bow to the man.

“Thank you again,” Taehyung said.

“Yes, thank you.” Jimin nodded. The man smiled, waving to the boys as they excused themselves from the room. They exited the building of the CEO, neither speaking for a few moments. They strode across campus, passing by some straggler students who were making their way between classes, books full of supplies and canvases stacked high in their arms as they made their journey. Jimin was the first of the two to let out a deep sigh when they got off-campus property, headed down the street to their hotel. “Well, that was something.”

“You think I looked too scary before?” Taehyung asked curiously, pursing his lips. Jimin cocked an eyebrow, so Taehyung clarified: “When I thought about Oh Min Jae, I didn’t realize how visibly frustrated I got.”

Jimin chuckled, patting Taehyung on the shoulder. “I don’t think he thought too much into it. He already is practically shoving the scholarship at you. Just don’t worry about it.” Taehyung nodded. “I’m exhausted, can we go back to the room to nap before we get something to eat?”

When the duo arrived in their room, Jimin plopped down on the bed, sighing in relief as comfort overtook his body. Taehyung sat on his bed, turning the TV on to allow some faint noise in the background. As Jimin got himself comfortable, preparing for what could be the best sleep of his life, Taehyung reached into his bag and pulled out a small piece of paper. It was a bit torn, bent in the corners as if it had been moved around and touched several times. Gently, Taehyung opened it, glancing down at the picture inside. It was one of his earliest sketches of you before you had known about and before all of these weird romantic feelings began brewing up inside him. He stared at it, admiring the sketch as if it were a real picture.

I wonder if I’ll ever get to put a real picture of her in my wallet…Taehyung thought to himself. He gently folded the picture back up, slipping it back into place. This will do for now. Taehyung turned to look at Jimin, who was laying under the covers of his bed, watching the TV silently. Taehyung could see his eyes closing a little with every passing second. He could fall asleep any minute. “I should probably get some sleep too…” he mumbled to himself. Slowly, he curled himself under the covers, pulling out his phone to set an alarm around dinner time. The last thing either of them wanted was to wake up late and be starving. Closing his eyes, Taehyung tried to fall asleep.

It took several moments of blackness, silence other than the faint TV which he had already turned down even more as he got under his covers, the fading light of the outside curtain drifting off with every passing moment. He couldn’t sleep. Taehyung threw a tired arm across his eyes, hoping it would only block the light out further, and he let out a frustrated sigh. A lot was on his mind now, and it was racing. School, his friends, and family, his job….

….you.

Didn’t you say you planned to leave once you hit your ‘big break’? Jimin’s voice rang through his mind, and it only frustrated him more. When he turned to look at Jimin, he saw his friend was peacefully sleeping. Jealousy surged over him at the idea that his friend was so peaceful while he was up suffering. Quickly, Taehyung grabbed one of his pillows and tossed it in Jimin’s direction. It missed Jimin, hitting the side of the bed, but it was enough to stir the man awake.

“Hm? What?” Jimin asked, eyes fluttering open. Taehyung quickly turned his head, crossing his arms as he stared at the ceiling.

“You deserve that for keeping me awake.” He said simply, his anger laced with playful fun despite it all. Jimin raised an eyebrow, watching as Taehyung closed his eyes. The shorter boy was quick to hop out of bed, shuffling over to his friend’s bed and pushing him aside. Taehyung didn’t protest, simply cocking his head to see his best friend cling to him, like a sloth. “You haven’t done this in years.”

“Well, you haven’t really needed me too in years,” Jimin said. “What’s on your mind?”

Taehyung was silent for a moment. Where should he start? Jimin waited quietly, his arm thrown over Taehyung’s stomach and his head nestled in the pillow beside him. It was a level of comfort they established long ago and never intended to move from. Taehyung only shifted to make himself more comfortable. “…Do you think she made her decision yet?”

Jimin blinked. He thought back to his conversation with Namjoon a few days prior, about his desire to take her to their company party as a date. He remembered the solemn look on Namjoon’s face when he was asked about it the next day by another coworker, to which he only replied I’m bringing a friend of mine…

“I don’t know.” He admitted. “Why?”

“I want to ask her, but I don’t want to be pushy.” He sighed. “But also…I’m going to leave soon, and it’ll kill me if I don’t find out.”

“…Will it make that big of a difference?” Jimin asked curiously. Taehyung sighed, pursing his lips together as he thought about the question. Would it make a difference? How big of a difference could it make?

“I don’t know. I’ve wanted this opportunity more than anything, but…I didn’t expect to have anything that could possibly keep my home when I got it.”

“Hey.” Jimin pouted, and Taehyung only laughed.

“You know what I mean…” he said. “I don’t know what to do, and as much as I want this so bad, it’s on my mind. Would she do a longer-distance relationship? Would she wait for me? Am I even still in the running anymore? I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Maybe you should talk to her,” Jimin said. “You’re finalizing all of this scholarship money and classes in the next few days. If you want to make a decision, you should do it sooner rather than later…”

Taehyung knew his friend was right, he often was with matters like this. Letting out a deep sigh, Taehyung nodded. “Let’s not worry now. Get some rest so we can go get dinner.”

“Alright…” Taehyung said. After a minute, Taehyung shifted, glancing over at Jimin. “Uh…Jimin?” he hummed.

“Hmmm?”

“Shouldn’t you…go to your bed?”

“Nah, this is comfortable. I might just go to sleep.” With a yawn, Jimin’s eyes fluttered closed. Taehyung laughed a bit, slipping Jimin’s arm off his stomach and rolled to the other side of the bed. He starred at his wallet, seeing the small corner of the sketch paper poking out a bit from the top. He felt his eyes get heavy, the exhaustion of the day finally starting to overtake him, and he fell asleep wondering what the rest of the week would bring.

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“Are you sure she wants me to come too?” Yoongi asked, looking at Hoseok as he set his phone in his pocket. Hoseok ran a hand through his hair, looking back towards the door. Hoseok had dipped out of the school a bit early, claiming it was to get a table for the two of you at the local bar, giving you some privacy away from being smushed arm and arm at one of the bars. However, Hoseok actually hurried to Yoongi’s high school, meeting him by the front door and practically dragging him along.

“Of course. She doesn’t hate you or anything.” Yoongi laughed, taking a sip of his beer.

“Yeah, I know that.” He assured. “But I figured you’d want to take her out alone the first chance you got.” A thin line crossed Hoseok’s lips, and he set his beer down. Folding his hands together, he rested them under his chin.

“I know.” He said simply. “But I told her this wasn’t meant to be a date. If you’re here with us too, I think she’ll feel a little better.” A small, yet sad smile formed on Hoseok’s face. “I just want to cheer her up. She’s looked upset these past few days since Taehyung told her the news about the scholarship.” Yoongi nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, I know.” He said simply. After another sip of his beer, he heard a voice behind him, one that made both men jump slightly in surprise.

“Yoongi, I didn’t know Hoseok invited you too.” When Yoongi turned around, he saw you standing there, fixing the purse on your shoulder. “Not that I mind, of course.”

“Hey.” Yoongi smiled, watching as you slid into your spot across from the boys. A waiter walked over, and you put in an order for some water.

Hoseok leaned forward a bit, smiling. “Give her an order of what I’m getting too, okay?” he asked the waiter. He smiled, nodding his head before stepping away to retrieve the drinks.

“Hoseok, you know I don’t drink on school nights.” You sighed softly.

“I told you I wanted to take you out for drinks tonight. At least have the one, I won’t tell Mr. Kim.”

“I might,” Yoongi smirked, glancing up at you. You chuckled at his comment, but the smile on your face didn’t last long, soon returning to a neutral stare as your eyes wandered around the packed bar. The waiter returned with your drinks, and you thanked him. After a moment, you looked up at Hoseok, who was also finishing his beer.

“I want to talk to you,” Hoseok said, glancing up at you. Immediately, the frown on your face deepened. You hated that sentence, and you knew the power of anxiety it had on people because you saw the fear in the eyes of your students whenever you would use it. Hoseok hummed, ruffling his hair as he looked at you. “Yoongi-Hyung and I are going to elope in Seoul at the end of the month.”

“WHAT?!” You gasped; eyes wide. Yoongi immediately began choking, slamming his beer on the table and covering his mouth. Hoseok grinned, looking over both of you.

“Nobody else was saying anything and you looked so upset I just had to say something to cheer you up.” Hoseok teased. You passed Yoongi one of your napkins, which he took to wipe his mouth, his coughing slowly subsiding as he patted his chest. Hoseok giggled. “Sorry, Hyung, I didn’t see you take a sip.”

“You filthy liar.” Yoongi gasped, shaking his head. “She would probably date you faster than I would.” Hoseok’s eyes widened his mouth ajar at the man’s quick response back. You covered your mouth, a giggle escaping it though you tried desperately to keep it hidden.

“Oh, I’m glad my sad love life makes you laugh.” Hoseok pouted. When he took an angry sip of his drink, you could only laugh harder, reaching your other hand out to take one of his, and squeeze it tightly.

“I’m sorry that’s not why I’m laughing, it’s just-.” Your sentence got cut off by another giggle. “-that was so unexpected I just had to laugh.”

Yoongi cocked an eyebrow. “But the elopement joke wasn’t unexpected?” He snickered a bit. Hoseok looked down at your hand, which was still grasping hold of his own. When he set his glass down, he held your hand tighter. He smiled gently as he heard you finish your little giggle fit, finally lifting your glass and taking a sip of the drink Hoseok had ordered for you.

“I’m glad you’re laughing, at least.” He admitted softly. “Even if it’s at my expense.” Again, you had to chuckle.

For a while, the three of you chatted normally as friends do over dinner and drinks. It was nice, something none of you had done in a long while. You made sure the beer lasted a majority of the night, not wanting to get any more after that. However, just as you finished it off, setting it beside your empty dinner plate, Yoongi spoke up.

“Can I ask you a serious question?”

“Another random elopement announcement?” you asked. Yoongi shook his head.

“Hoseok told me about everything with Taehyung in detail while we waited for you to get here.” He said. You glanced at Hoseok, who blocked his response by stuffing a bite of rice into his mouth. “What do you plan to do?”

“Nothing.” You said simply. “He had a good opportunity and I don’t want to hold him back with my indecisiveness.”

“But is it indecisiveness if you already made your decision?” Yoongi asked curiously. You sighed. “I know you just don’t want to feel like you’re holding him back.”

“I know.”

“But he’s waited this long. Don’t you think he has a right to know?”

“I don’t think it’ll change much of anything, Yoongi. He’s decided to take this scholarship and…that means he’s moving away. I don’t know if I can handle a long-distance relationship, I’ve barely ever had a close-distance one…And it would be unfair to put him through that for my sake.”

“So… everything you did these past few months have been for nothing,” Yoongi asked. You looked up at the man as he leaned forward a bit. “Okay, okay. Let’s go with what you’re saying and decide you’re not telling him for his sake. What about you?”

“Me?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. Hoseok looked over at Yoongi, who had on as neutral of an expression as he always did.

“Yes, you.” He said simply. “You always say you do things for other people. What do you do for yourself?”

“Hyung maybe that’s enough-.” Hoseok said softly. He just wanted to cheer you up with some drinks, not have an intervention.

“I…I don’t know what you mean.” You responded.

“Listen. Both you and Taehyung are my coworkers and I really care about the both of you, as individuals and otherwise. You’ll only make yourself more depressed and upset if you keep this to yourself, and not only that, it’ll make Taehyung upset that he never gets a straight answer for you.”

“Even if I did decide to tell him, Yoongi, he wouldn’t stay just because of me.”

“Would it be so bad if he did?” Yoongi asked, raising an eyebrow. “I’m sure you both could figure something out; you act like it’s one or the other. You talk like him staying around to be with you is such a bad thing.”

“I-.” You sighed. Quickly, you thought back to Namjoon a few days prior, outside the school.

I would absolutely do it, so it’s not a totally unimaginable thought. But I’m sure there are other things keeping him here as well.

Yoongi was right, and you knew that. Taehyung had a right to know how you felt, and whatever happened from that was destined to happen from the beginning. You glanced to the side, eyes following around your waiter as he moved from table to table. Yoongi sighed.

“Listen, I know this is something on your mind and I don’t want to make you feel guilty or pressure you. I just thought you should see it from different angles, like ours or even Taehyung’s, I-.”

“Don’t worry.” You said softly, glancing at him. “You make very good points. I have a lot more to think about than I thought I did.”

Hoseok, who could sense the slight panic, the slight nervousness rising in your voice with every word you said, reaching out and took your hand in his once again. You glanced over to him next, smiling a bit as he squeezed your hand.

“We only want you to be happy, you know. And we both know you not saying anything will just…keep you unhappy.”

“…I know…” you said, squeezing his hand tightly in your own. When the waiter approached, you immediately called him over, pointing to your empty beer glass. “Can I get a refill on this, please? Maybe two?”

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noonachronicles · 5 years

Text

Just One More Time

Yoo Kihyun x Reader (ft. Park Jinyoung)

Word Count: 5.1k

Genre: Angst (Supposedly), Fluff (?)

Warning: Two curse words. Steamy kiss.

Authors Note: For @prettywordsyouleft! Thanks for the request Chelle!

#13 - You did a wonderful job convincing people that you love me, I almost fell for it.

“Are you ready?” Kihyun asked taking a quick look at himself in the rearview mirror. He adjusted a single piece of hair and straightened his tie.

“Are you?” you asked, watching him with mild amusement. “This is your deal not mine.”

“I think I am. Do I look okay?” he asked nervously, “Is the tie too much?”

“The tie is fine.” you grinned, “You look very handsome, Ki. I am honored to be your pretend girlfriend. You’re definitely getting pretend laid tonight.”

In a rare moment of suspended anxiety he let out a laugh.

“Thank you again.” He said and looked over at you, “I really appreciate you doing this. I know I’ve been insane. I know I’ll be crazy for the next several hours. So I want you to know how grateful I am and, you know, please just stick with me.”

“Oh. I’ll stick with you,” you nodded, “because after this...you’re gonna owe me. Big.”

It had been a pretty uneventful Friday night in for you. You’d ordered a pizza and settled onto the couch with a glass of red wine, and eight more episodes of the drama you’d been watching. Four episodes in the main characters were possibly about to kiss for the first time, and you’d just put on your peel off face mask.

Then there was a knock on the door. Your forehead would have creased in confusion but the face mask had gotten pretty tight already. It was past midnight and you definitely weren’t expecting anyone.

Another knock came and you got up from the couch, cautiously making your way to the door. You tried to peek through the window unnoticed when the third knock came and you let out a loud terrified shriek.

“Y/n?” came a voice through the door.

“Kihyun?” You quickly unlocked the door and pulled it open.

Yoo Kihyun was your neighbor. You didn’t know all that much about him, despite having been neighbors for nearly five years. You knew he had a nice smile. It seemed from his lack of past due notices that he paid his bills on time. And from what you could tell from the way he always smelled nice, he showered regularly. All of these things you had gathered from the brief interactions you’d shared with him at the mailbox.

You remembered he’d had a girlfriend when he first moved in but she was gone after a few months. And about a year ago he’d started seeing someone else pretty regularly from what you could tell though she hadn’t been around for awhile either. He had a core group of friends that came over every other friday, though you weren’t sure what for. As far as things people knew about their neighbors, you didn’t think what you knew was anything too crazy or stalkerish.

A couple weeks earlier you’d found a piece of his mail in with yours. Clearly it had gotten stuck to the coupon mailer in your stack, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Before you could decide if you should just go shove it in his box and be done with it or go to his door and hand deliver it, he showed up at your door. He’d gotten one of your envelopes in with his own mail and was delivering it to you.

At the time you’d assumed that was that. Your one chance at an interaction with your handsome neighbor over and done before you even had a chance to blink. Apparently not.

“I need your help.” he said shoving his way through the door as soon as you’d gotten it unlocked.

“Does this have anything to do with you being drunk?” you asked, following the near stranger into your own living room.

“No. You think I’m drunk?” He asked, eyeing your mess of a coffee table and grabbing the half full glass of wine, “Can I have this wine though? Cheers.”

“Uh.” You watched as he swallowed all of it in a single gulp. “Sure.”

“Are you going to help me or not?” He asked frantically.

“Help you with what?”

“Oh, right.” He belched and made a face before looking back at you, “Remember when you stole my mail?”

“I didn’t steal your mail. You also had my mail…”

“Whatever, so you remember.” You continued to watch him as he sat down on your couch and grabbed a pillow to squeeze in a hug. “My friend is getting married. It was an invitation. The mail. I am a gentleman and I said I would go. So I had friends over for dinner tonight, I made penne a lotta vodka. Delicious. Everyone loved it. There was bread. Salad. Accoutrement.”

“Penne alla vodka?” You asked.

“Yeah that’s what I said. Please listen.” He said throwing a sassy hand your way. “My friend Minh- Min- Minhy- we’ll call him Min, says my ex girlfriend is gonna be at the wedding. At the wedding even! He says this to me. And! And! Get this...get this...get this okay?”

“I will get it as soon as you say it.” You assured him.

“She’s got a plus one. A boyfriem. Friem. Freimd. He’s a kid doctor. Not a doctor that’s a kid but a doctor of kids.”

“Yep, I got it.”

As the moments passed you weren’t sure if you were finding your neighbor more or less attractive. At the very least he was amusing as hell.

He looked at you, squinting, for a long quiet minute before asking, “What is wrong with your face?”

“Huh?” You patted your cheek and remembered the face mask, “peel off mask.”

“Good so you’ll help me.” He said and stood up from the couch, still squeezing your throw pillow.

“Sorry, help you what?” You asked again.

“You’ll be the date to my wedding. Plus one. You. Me. Electric slide.” He both winked and gave you finger guns. “Pew pew pew! It’ll be great. Jealous girlfriend.”

Watching as he left your house without another word left you quite stunned, especially since he’d gone with your pillow and left the door wide open. At least when you looked outside he had made it back into his own home safely. Confused about whether or not you were actually expected to go to this wedding with him you shut the door and went back to the living room.

“No!” You groaned looking at the screen where the main couple had just slow-mo’d through their first kiss from several angles and you’d missed it.

That was how you’d ended up and Soohi and Seokjin’s wedding. How you’d ended up twirling around the dance floor in your gorgeous yellow dress with a thirteen year old boy named Minho was a different story and one whose details you weren’t entirely sure of.

“Kihyun.” Soohi sighed dramatically, “I. Love. Her.”

“Who?” he laughed as she grabbed his cheeks in her palms.

“Y/n!” she cried, and then leaned and whispered, “I’ll be honest, I have never liked any of your girlfriends. I only invited Mina because I knew she knew I was getting married and it seemed rude not to, but I never liked her. Y/n, oh god she’s perfect.”

“I’m glad you like her.” he said and looked over at you, now surrounded by no less than four thirteen year old boys.

“Marry her, Kihyun.” Soohi begged, “She’s funny, and she doesn’t put up with your shit, and she curbs all your weird compulsions. You’ll never find anyone else like her. Trust me. I just love her. Maybe I should marry her.”

“I think you should.” he agreed.

“Soo are you drunk? I’ve only seen you have a glass of champagne.” Seokjin asked his bride.

She turned, wrapping her arms around her husband, “Drunk off love Jin! LOVE!”

“With that I congratulate you both on a beautiful wedding and an endless love. I should, however, save my date from her prepubescent suitors.” Kihyun laughed, patting his friend on the back before making his way to the dancefloor.

He watched you for a moment longer from the edge of the dance floor as you laughed and danced with the group of lovestruck teens. You were fun. And cute. You had nice legs, though your ability to use them to dance was questionable. You’d made him laugh more in the week you’d spent together than Mina had made him laugh the entire time they dated. You even agreed to him drunkenly asking you to accompany him to this wedding in the first place, like a saint. However, he reminded himself, you weren’t actually his girlfriend.

The upbeat party tune had turned into something slow and romantic. Kihyun reached his hand through the throng of young men and offered it to you.

“Sorry gentlemen, but this beautiful woman is mine and I will be taking her back now.” He said as he caught your eye.

You took his hand and he pulled you into his arms as your fanboys groaned and left the floor.

“Took you long enough to join me.” You smiled, placing your hand on his shoulder.

“Well, yes. I was a bit preoccupied listening to every single one of my friends tell me how much they love you.” He grinned, leading you across the dancefloor.

“I really like them too.” You said genuinely, “Sad for everyone that we’re breaking up in like three or four hours.”

Kihyun laughed and tightened his grip around you. “Yeah, it is a little sad isn’t it?”

“I guess we just have to enjoy it while it lasts.” you smiled, and leaned your head against him.

“I need you to be my boyfriend again.” you said as Kihyun opened his front door.

“What?”

“The mail you stole from me?” You grinned at the look he gave you “It was also a wedding invitation. I planned on going solo. But after the wedding Soohi added me on Facebook and tagged me in a bunch of pictures. One of them was of us and she had captioned it `World's Cutest Couple’.”

“I know the picture that you speak of.” he opened the door all the way as an invitation and you stepped inside.

“Good. So my cousin, it’s her wedding that I’m invited to, saw the picture of us together at Soohi’s wedding and she wants me to bring you.” you explained as you followed him into the kitchen, “I tried to tell her we weren’t together and she wouldn’t hear it. She’s called me everyday for the last week. Plus she told her mother who told my mother, who has also called every single day for the last week. Crying, Kihyun, she cried to me. How could I have a boyfriend and not tell her? So can you just come with me? I just want like one week where I’m not being called constantly by family members.”

Kihyun, standing in front of the stove, looked over his shoulder with a smirk, “If you wanted me to be your date all you had to do was ask. You didn’t need a big elaborate made up story. I owe you anyway.”

“It’s not a big elab…” you groaned, “It’s the truth, but thank you anyway. One more fake date and we’re all even.”

“Sounds like a deal.” he said and turned around, holding out his spoon to you. “Taste this.”

With a hum you leaned forward and tasted the sauce he’d offered you, “Kihyun...that’s delicious. What is it?”

“Creamy garlic chicken which will be served on a bed of artichoke risotto.”

You leaned against the counter and sighed, “Fancy. Who are you having over for dinner?”

He shrugged, “Just me. Unless you’re hungry?”

You pretended, poorly, to think about it and then smiled. “I’m starving. I’ll have to go put my microwave dinner back in the freezer. Should I bring back a bottle of wine?”

“Yes, I would love that!” He said enthusiastically, “Best fake girlfriend ever.”

With a dramatic bow you hurried home and back for a delicious meal with your boyfriend that wasn’t your boyfriend.

Kihyun fed you a piece of his white chocolate raspberry cake off his fork as you fed him a piece of your cookies and cream cake. It was your plan as soon as you’d figured out there were two different flavored cakes at this wedding. You hummed with delight as you let the flavors take over your tastebuds. He nodded as he thought over his decision. As the both of you sat quietly he lifted his hand and moved your hair back behind your ear, readjusting the flower you’d tucked inside of it earlier after taking it out of the centerpiece on the table.

“I think,” you said finally, “I like yours better.”

He shook his head, “No way, cookies and cream all the way. Mine is good but the raspberry is too tart.”

“Hmm.” You looked over at the table and then back to Kihyun, “Switch?”

With a simple nod he adjusted the plates on the table and looked over at you, “Do you ever wear the same dress to different weddings? Or do you always buy a new one?”

You looked down at your blue silk dress and shrugged, “I guess I just always buy a new one.”

“Fascinating, I’ve worn the same suit to every event I’ve been to in the last three years. Birthdays, weddings, holidays. I just switch ties.”

“Well you don’t have to brag.” You laughed.

“Is it bragging? Don’t you like getting new clothes?” He asked.

“Yes and no.” You answered, “I like new clothes but I don’t really have any excuses to wear them again. Dresses you wear to weddings are more like dresses you wear on dates and less like dresses you’d wear to work. And I don’t go on dates. So all these dresses just get washed, hung up, and forgotten.”

“You should go on more dates.” He said it like it was simple.

You rolled your eyes. “Oh? Should I? I had never thought of that before! Thank god you came into my life Ki. What would I do without you?”

“Alright that’s enough sarcasm for the entire night.” He laughed.

You took another bite of cake and looked over at Kihyun as he watched the guests on the dance floor. He smiled and waved to your mother who had waved over to him from where she was dancing with your father. Your chest ached slightly. He was so handsome and so funny. You’d have loved to be his girlfriend for real, but everytime he talked about you it was fake girlfriend this and fake girlfriend that. He made it clear, over and over again, exactly what this partnership was.

“She adores you.” you muttered.

“Who?” he asked looking back at you.

“My mom. My aunt. My cousins.” you waved your hand around the room, “Basically any ‘she’ at this reception.”

“Now you know how it feels.” he said smugly.

“How what feels?”

“Sitting in a room filled with people you’re going to disappoint when you tell them you and your fake significant other have broken up.” he laughed, “It’s exactly how I felt the other week.”

You groaned, “Poor mom. She’s never going to forgive me for losing you.”

“Just one more time.” Kihyun pleaded as he handed you a container.

“What’s this?” You asked pulling the door open for him.

Once he made it inside you kicked the door shut and he followed you to the living room where you plopped on the couch.

“A bribe.”

You opened the lid and sniffed at the homemade brownies. A giant smile taking over your face. “So what do you want this time?”

“It’s my birthday.”

“Happy Birthday!” you held the container out to him, “Birthday brownie?”

“No.” he chuckled, “It’s not today, it’s this weekend. Saturday. My friends are throwing me a party. Dinner and drinks, nothing crazy. Karaoke, I think?”

Your forehead creased in confusion. “You want me to go with you? Don’t they think we broke up.”

Kihyun’s face scrunched, “I...didn’t...tell them. I was going to! I was going to tell them when they came over for that next Friday dinner, but you asked me to your cousin’s wedding. I didn't want to have to explain why I went to a wedding with my ex, so I thought I’d wait until this latest Friday dinner, and then they dropped the news about the birthday dinner. They asked if you’d be there and I, in retrospect should have told them then, but instead I said you would be.”

“Okay.” you said simply popping a chunk of brownie in your mouth.

“Really? Just like that?” he asked.

“It was that or deep clean the bathroom.” you shrugged, “And hey! This way I can pull one of my dusty old dresses out of the closet.”

With a relieved smile he finally grabbed a brownie and sat back on the couch, “What are we watching?”

The birthday dinner had been amazing. You got along with all of Kihyun’s friends and they all made sure you knew just how much you were loved by them. They made you laugh so hard your cheeks hurt, and Kihun seemed so happy that you were all getting along so well. The only thing that felt off was the way Jinyoung, who Kihyun introduced as his best friend, was staring at you from across the table. It wasn’t weird or uncomfortable, at least not uncomfortable in a bad way. He watched you and Kihyun like a very casual observer. Collecting little bits of information from every action you took, but you didn’t know why he was doing it.

And you didn’t know why he was looking at you like he wanted to take you home. It seemed inappropriate for him to do it since you were with Kihyun, as far as anyone knew. No matter how inappropriate it seemed, you enjoyed it quite a bit, and even attempted to half flirt with him from across the table. Little looks, subtle smiles, lip bites, running your fingers down your neck. You knew what you were doing but you didn’t know why and worse you didn’t know why you felt bad about it.

When you left to the karaoke bar nearly everyone got too drunk. The front room of the building was a regular bar, and in the back were rooms for private parties. Everyone had been drinking and singing. Some people were singing so much and so loud they were losing their voices. Eventually you ran out of alcohol in the private room so everyone headed back out to the main bar for more. You’d stood up to go as well but Jinyoung had grabbed your hand and pulled you back down onto the cushions.

For awhile it was just a nice conversation. Yes his hand was on your knee and his head was resting on the back of the couch a little too close to your face, but it was still just talking. He asked if you remembered him from the wedding. You talked about Kihyun. He asked you what movies you liked. And you asked him what music he was into. He made you laugh and you thought he had such a gorgeous smile. His little eye crinkle snatched your heart right out of your chest. You weren’t sure how long you’d been in that room alone, but it felt sudden when he just came out and asked what you’d been thinking almost the entire night.

“Can I just kiss you already?” Jinyoung grinned.

“What? I-” you sputtered, “Kihyun.”

“It’s cute that you’ve been pretending to be his girlfriend. Cuter still that you think you two have been convincing.” he ran his tongue over his lips.

You gulped. “How did you know?”

“He doesn’t kiss you. And I know if you were my girlfriend I’d kiss you constantly. I’ve been thinking about doing it ever since I met you for the first time.” He leaned forward and said, “I think...you’ve been thinking about kissing me too.”

You looked around the room expecting someone else to be there but finding no one.

“It’s just us.” Jinyoung said moving his fingers over your neck so gently it almost tickled. “Your secret would be safe.”

It had been a really long time since you’d kissed anyone. And you’d had quite a bit to drink. And Jinyoung was remarkably good looking. Maybe just a little kiss wouldn’t be terrible. A peck in case anyone were to walk in. You still had a deal with Kihyun to be his fake girlfriend. With a quick lick of your lips you leaned forward and pressed your lips to his. You groaned immediately and your face flushed in embarrassment. He had to have known by that sound how long it had been since your last kiss. After a few seconds you pulled back, but just barely.

“Oh no.” you muttered.

“What’s wrong? Is it me?” he asked, scanning your face.

You shook your head. “No, but also yes. Your lips are so nice. I’m going to have to kiss you again.”

“And that’s a problem?” he grinned.

“Yes. You see I was just going to do a little kiss, but now I’m going to have to do a lot more.”

“Okay.” his eyes watched your lips the whole time you spoke and you were finding it difficult to hold back.

He opened his mouth to say something further but you leaned forward and pulled his bottom lip between your teeth instead. He groaned against your mouth and moved so that you were laying back on the cushions of the couch and he was hovering over you. This wasn’t you, this isn’t something you normally did. But his hair was soft and brushing against your forehead and your hands were sliding over his back. You could feel every muscle under his shirt and thinking about it made you want to cry. Your fingers moved over his shoulders and wrapped around his biceps.

A thought had crossed your mind to wrap your leg around his waist but you heard a disappointed Minhyuk say, “Oh no, guys. Don’t do that.”

You leaned your head back to see Kihyun and several of his friends in the doorway of the private karaoke room. He looked more upset than you would have ever expected him to but then you blinked and he was gone.

“Shit.” you pushed your way out from under Jinyoung and went to look for Kihyun.

He was on the side of the building near a dumpster kicking empty crates that had been for beer bottles. When he saw you he just looked at you for a silent moment and then scoffed before turning his back on you. Honestly you weren’t even sure what to say. You didn’t know why he was so upset. You genuinely wondered if he was just playing the role of scorned lover exceedingly well.

“Kihyun…” you said quietly once it seemed like he’d calmed down.

“Don’t...say anything.” he said turning around to you, “I just- I can’t believe you would do that.”

“You’re right. We shouldn’t have done that here. We should have waited.”

“No, you shouldn’t have done it at all!” he yelled so angrily you stepped back.

“Excuse me?”

Originally you had felt bad for ruining the charade, but now you were just angry. Angry that he was really standing there acting like you’d done something that actually hurt him. You were mad that he was yelling at you like you were a child. You were a grown woman, and he was a grown man who made it pretty obvious that you meant nothing to him.

“You know...You did a wonderful job convincing people that you love me, I almost fell for it!” Kihyun spat at you drunkenly.

“I don’t know why you’re so mad at me!” You screamed back.

“You kissed one of my best friends at my birthday party! When you were supposed to be my girlfriend?”

“But I’m not! Am I? You’re the one that always calls me your fake girlfriend! Always reminding me that none of this was ever real for you!” You didn’t want to cry, you were not going to cry. “I couldn’t just keep falling in love with you Kihyun! You were never going to love me back. So yeah I found someone who was genuinely interested in me and I kissed him instead.”

“What does that mean? Love you back? What do you mean?” He asked trying to process your words through his alcohol haze.

“Nothing. Forget it, Kihyun.” You shook your head, you were tired and you didn’t want to do this anymore. “Happy birthday, Ki. We’re officially broken up. Enjoy your life, don’t ask me for anymore favors.”

A week had passed and you hadn’t heard a single thing from Kihyun since you grabbed a cab and ditched his birthday party. You’d heard from Jinyoung though. He talked to you nearly everyday. He let you know that Kihyun had told his friends the truth about the two of you. Kihyun was sort of forced to when the whole group wanted to exile Jinyoung for kissing you.

In what you assumed was an attempt to avoid you Kihyun had even stopped getting his mail at the same time every day like he usually did, which you guessed was eating him from the inside out since he liked things so orderly and consistent. You weren’t upset about not seeing him, not really. Though you did find yourself peering out of the window more often than you normally did, just in case.

After almost a full second week of constant conversation with Jinyoung he finally asked you out on a date. It was a Friday night date, and you wore one of your favorite wedding dresses, a little red number. Dinner was great and Jinyoung was perfect but you could tell, despite it all, something wasn’t sitting right with you.

“I had a really nice time.” You smiled, albeit weakly, leaning against your front door as he dropped you off.

“Me too.” Jinyoung leaned in to kiss you.

You’d wanted it, or you’d thought you did, but just before his lips landed on yours you turned your face. He kissed your cheek instead. When he pulled away you were both surprised.

“I’m sorry.” You said quietly as you stared at your feet, “I don’t know why I did that.”

He let out a small, soft laugh. “I do.”

“You do?” You asked, finally looking at him.

“I do.” He cupped your face in his hand, brushing his thumb over your cheek. “I still had a really good time tonight, y/n. I’ll see you around.”

Your forehead creased as he walked away. Down the path and to his car. He gave you a wave as he ducked into the driver side and you returned the gesture. Still unsure of what had happened you went inside.

The heels on your feet got ditched in the doorway, and you pulled the pins in your hair, letting it fall over your shoulders. You’d just been about ready to wash off your makeup and put on your pajamas when there was a knock on the door. You figured maybe Jinyoung had left and gone around the corner and come back to apologize for his sudden departure. Instead as soon you unlocked the door and had it opened just an inch, Kihyun was bursting through.

“Good you’re home. I need your help.” He said and moved to the living room. He didn’t even glimpse at you.

You hated that your heart was racing at the sight of him as you followed him. “Please, come in.”

He plopped down on the couch and looked up at you as you walked in the room. He gulped while he looked you over in your slinky red dress, “You look nice. No Friday night face mask?”

“I had a date.” You glared before taking a seat in the chair. “Not that it’s your business.”

“Is Jinyoung here? Should I leave?” He asked looking around casually but it was clear what he was doing.

“No, he’s not here. Maybe you should still leave though.”

He couldn’t help the small smile on his face, both at the dig and the fact that Jinyoung hadn’t come in. “Didn’t go so great then?”

“What do you want, Kihyun?” You sighed.

“It’s almost Christmas.” He said opening what you realized was a calendar. You didn’t even see him carry it in. “I don’t know about you, but I’ve already been invited to like three holiday parties.”

“Okay…” you took the calendar he offered and looked at the marked dates, “What does this have to do with me?”

“I need you to be my date.” He shrugged.

He was acting like his birthday never happened. You looked up at him in clear confusion. “We’re done fake dating, remember? We broke up for real.”

“Okay but hear me out.” He said and leaned towards you, flipping slowly through the calendar as he spoke. “We are both going to have a bunch of holiday parties to attend. Then there’s New Years. And it just keeps going. January eleventh is International Thank You Day. February, obviously there’s Valentines Day, we’ll need dates for that. March 20th is World Frog day. April has Earth Day. May, International Museum Day, I can’t go to the museum alone. It would be so embarrassing.”

“I got it.” You said flipping through the pages where he had written down every arbitrary holiday it seemed he could find. You fought the urge to blush.

“I just think we shouldn’t be alone on those days, you know? And we do so well together with these kinds of things.” He tried to read your face but you offered him nothing in terms of a reaction. “What do you think? Do you want to be my girlfriend, a couple more times?”

You looked up at him surprised. All you could manage was a smile. You were speechless.

“What?” He asked from the edge of his seat.

“You didn’t say fake.”

“Because I don’t want you to be my fake girlfriend. I want you to be my actual girlfriend.”

Leaning forward, you kissed him. About halfway through you realized it was your first kiss so you dropped the calendar on the ground and wrapped your arms around him wanting it to last. He slid his arms around you and pulled you to the couch with him.

“Is that a yes?” He asked breathlessly a few minutes later after you pulled away.

“Just a couple more times.” You grinned, “but you’re really gonna owe me one.”

#yoo kihyun #monsta x #yoo kihyun scenarios #monsta x scenarios #kpop scenarios #kihyun #kihyun scenarios

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agustdef · 4 years

Text

Knucklehead - Part 2

Pairing: Yoongi x OC [From Here & Now]

Genre: Idol!AU; Fluff; Some Angst

Word Count: 14.3k

Warning: Some angst. Some language. Mention of an almost panic attack.

Rating: PG15

Banner Marker: @shadowsremedy

Lovely Beta Reader: @shadowsremedy

Author’s Note: So, this is the second and final part of a two-shot for the Bangtan Scenery ‘April Showers Bring May Flowers’ collab. This is Part One of it.

Summary: Sometimes you have to work a little harder to rebuild what was broken.

Kendall dreaded most of her nightly facetimes with Yoongi and she hated that. But the discomfort and fear that came with them just wouldn’t let up, even when six months had passed since the incident. Even as they both got comfortable with each other again and the guilt eased on either side. There was just this lingering voice in her head that said she needed to be careful before she messed up again. Messed up and really ruined their relationship, which was the last thing she ever wanted and feared she would if she slipped up in the slightest.

That fear was why two hours before every call she went through a checklist of things that needed to be done. She tried to check it as she did each task throughout the day, but sometimes she forgot one or two things. And if something on that list hadn’t been done, she’d do it, so she didn’t have to lie about doing it if he asked or if the conversation led there. Lying would help no one, especially herself.

The night of the last call before she’d see him in person - the first time in three months - was beyond nerve wracking. She’d gotten caught up in work and was left with an hour to get everything checked off. That meant reheating her dinner and finishing it off, doing a quick fifteen-minute workout to compensate for how little she’d been able to leave her desk, and showering.

By the time the call came in she was still working on washing her face and answered just before she could rinse off the face wash.

“Hello?” Yoongi said.

Ken was out of frame which probably confused him, but once she’d dried her face the phone was adjusted so that he could see her.

“Hi,” she said.

Yoongi stared at her for a moment and said nothing, which made her stomach uneasy. But before the nerves could truly settle in, he smiled at her. One of those soft, genuine ones that expressed he was happy in some capacity. It soothed the discomfort that started to brew in her stomach and mind.

“Are you just getting in?” he asked.

Kendall shook her head but didn’t respond right away as she poured toner into her hands to pat into her skin. Once that was done, she turned her attention back to him.

“No, I came back around five. But I took a nap and it lasted longer than I intended it to. Which would’ve been fine if I didn’t wake up to Ara asking for me to do some last-minute edits before she sent off my manuscript. So, I finished that in like two hours, but got so distracted trying to rephrase a sentence that it was later than I intended to finish.”

Every word she said was careful, Kendall didn’t want to risk going on a tangent and saying the wrong thing the wrong way. Even if it were a simple misunderstanding that could be cleared up in seconds, she wanted to avoid it.

But even with how she worded it Yoongi frowned at her.

“Did you eat?”

Kendall nodded; her eyes focused on the mirror in front of her as she applied a vitamin c serum.

“Yes. That’s why I needed the nap and I ate again a little after I woke up.”

She’d hoped it would end there, but of course it didn’t.

“But why so late for lunch?” Yoongi asked.

Without missing a beat, she answered. “I started my day later than usual by waking up at eleven. Breakfast wasn’t eaten until almost noon, so lunch wasn’t eaten until four. Plus, it was a work lunch thing with Marcus, which meant I was going to eat more than I should anyway.”

That left him silent and though it was killing her, Kendall refused to look at her phone again until she finished the rest of her skincare. It gave her time to steel her nerves if he was going to be upset with her.

When she finally did look his gaze was elsewhere and she realized he was talking to someone else. He’d pulled the phone away, so she just simply hadn’t heard him or the other person speaking. And that was much better than him silently being upset with her. Especially since the last time he’d gone that quiet on her was the day before he barely spoke to her for a month.

By the time he started paying attention again she’d moved from the bathroom to the bedroom, snuggled comfortably under her blanket. For a moment he appeared thrown off by the change in scenery, but he bounced back quickly.

“Uh, what were we talking about?” he mumbled, but before she could answer he was talking again. “Oh, yeah. So, you ate. That’s… good.”

The hope that his momentary distraction would bring a subject change was gone and she deflated a little. But she didn’t want him to notice, so she kept her face neutral and nodded. If he caught on, he didn’t say anything about that, just stared at her again with his expression making him appear deep in thought.

It was so freaking awkward, and Kendall didn’t know what to say or do, so she simply turned her attention to flipping through Netflix. It was about a minute or so later that she found something to rewatch and the words to say.

“So, what do you have planned for today?” she asked.

“Uh, we leave for the airport in an hour. They changed our flights last minute, so I’m just working on something until Jin says the van is here. He came over for breakfast.”

“Oh, makes sense,” she mumbled.

Though she’d come up with a question to get things moving her brain hadn’t thought far ahead enough to have another one ready. Thankfully, Yoongi was ready to take control of the conversation.

“Did you finish the season without me? Don’t think I didn’t see Netflix reflect being four episodes ahead and then back again a day later,” he accused.

That took away Kendall’s other worries as she tried to lie her way out of saying she’d binged almost to the end. Watching shows together meant no skipping ahead at all and it was a punishable offense. There was no way she was going to outright admit it, at least not without putting up a fight.

And so, for the rest of their call they talked about that and then a few songs that Yoongi stumbled upon. He thought she’d like them, so he played them, and they listened together, chatting here and there.

Forty-five minutes later Jin came to get Yoongi since their ride was there. Yoongi waved him off and then went to say bye to Kendall.

“I’ll text you before takeoff and when we land, okay?” he said.

Kendall nodded. “I’ll probably be at this work thing when you guys get here, so I’ll see you after or the next day.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said.

After throwing her a quick finger heart Yoongi hung up and Kendall was alone with her thoughts. And her thoughts weren’t pretty. They lingered on the memory of his expression when she mentioned how her eating went that day and the one when she brought up the work event she had to attend. It was the same expression he gave her every time eating, rest, or working came into play. The worry was etched strongly into his features and she appreciated that he cared, but she missed not having to see it so much. Not having to see that fear that she wasn’t taking care of herself. Not having to see the lack of trust in her ability to function on a healthy level.

She understood why, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

The clear lack of faith in her was a dagger to the heart and she couldn’t stop the tears that flowed because of it. It wasn’t surprising though since she often cried herself to sleep after their calls.

The first day and a half of the boys being in California was spent relaxing around the house the company rented for their stay. Usually they’d have schedules almost immediately, but for once they were allowed a bit more freedom. And that freedom meant that they stayed in the house and only left their room’s when someone mentioned a group movie watch.

Yoongi barely wanted to leave his room for that. Kendall had to force him to get up or he would’ve stayed cuddled with her like they had been since she’d arrived. Which she clearly didn’t mind but told him that moving about and interacting with others for a few hours would help with the jet lag a little. Yoongi didn’t agree with that, but he gave in after she gave him several kisses.

That was how she got him to do most things during that day of relaxation. And when the next morning came and she needed to leave for something he required more kisses than either of them could count.

In truth he would’ve let her go after the first two, but then he saw that she was willing to continue giving them until he’d release her, so he got greedy. But after five minutes of being held hostage she broke free and left him all alone. He hoped sleep would come to him again, but after half an hour of nothing he was forced to get up.

After a brief shower and change he stumbled down the stairs to the living room where he found a few of the others loitering around. They were all dressed and looked ready to leave, which confused him.

“Where are you going?” he asked, making his presence known.

Jungkook looked his way first, his eyes widening from their half-closed state from when Yoongi entered the room. The kid looked like he was ready to pass out at any second.

“We’re going out for breakfast, remember?” Jin said.

Yoongi was at a loss because he couldn’t recall that ever being the plan. He’d expected at least half the day spent in the house until their schedule later on. He was ready to say he didn’t remember, but then the memory of Halsey texting Namjoon about going out during the movie came back to him.

“Oops.”

At that Jin rolled his eyes and then his focus went back to his phone. Yoongi joined him on the couch and messed around on his own phone, returning texts, and checking social media. After a few minutes everyone was downstairs and ready to go.

They piled into two separate vans and headed to wherever Halsey had set up the breakfast.

As they went Yoongi’s mind drifted to Kendall. He missed her, but he mostly wondered what she was doing. She hadn’t divulged the details, just said there was some work that she needed to do or something of that nature. Yoongi hoped she ate before she got too busy and planned to text her about it until his attention was drawn elsewhere.

“Did you get a chance to look at the thing I told you about last night?” Hoseok asked Yoongi.

Again, Yoongi was left a little confused before his brain caught up. He really needed coffee or something if he was going to get through the day.

“No,” he said.

At that Hoseok sighed and pulled out his phone. He tapped around for a little while until something was pulled up. Then he handed Yoongi one of his air pods and waited until it was firmly in the elder’s ear before pressing play.

Yoongi sat back and listened, his mind focusing solely on the sounds from the headphones. It was a slow building instrumental and then suddenly there was the injection of Hobi’s usual style when the drop hit. There were some things he’d change, but he liked it. Actually, he loved it and that excitement made him forget that he was going to check on Kendall. He and Hobi dove into a deep discussion about what the goal was for it and a few tweaks that could help it along.

They were so in their own world that everyone had gotten out of the car and it took Jin coming back to knock on the window to get their attention. But that didn’t stop them. Even after they got out of the car, into the restaurant, and greeted Halsey they still were immersed in discussion. They even pulled in Joon at some point and the three of them were huddled in the booth typing things into their phones or writing them down on napkins.

They would’ve remained that way had Jimin not gotten annoyed and slapped the table a little. “Hey! We can’t keep telling the waitress we need more time.”

That gained their attention and a sheepish expression from all of them. After that they turned their attention to the menus and when the waitress showed up again, they were ready to order. Yoongi ordered coffee and the waitress must have seen how much he needed it because she returned with a large mug for him moments later.

With food orders out of the way everyone went into conversation.

“How much do you guys have to do before the Grammys?” Halsey asked.

At that they all groaned.

Namjoon huffed. “We have ten different interviews, performance practice for the Grammys and for another show, some random appearances here and there, plus some music to work on with some producers while we’re here. And let’s not get started about what comes after the awards.”

Halsey grimaced and tried to give some reassuring words, but nothing could be said that would alleviate all the tension they were feeling. Even Yoongi was feeling immense pressure when he usually handled it the best. Or at least appeared to handle it the best.

The more he sat and thought about the schedule Sejin showed them, the more he wished he was back in bed with Kendall again. That was infinitely better than most things, but definitely better than their packed schedule. You’d think that over time he’d get used to BigHit having them work so much, but that was far from the truth.

“Well, you have the parties to look forward to this time. I know you guys plan to go to one or two. And you’re going to the Roc Nation Brunch, right Yoongi?”

He nodded and chewed on his lower lip. The thought of the brunch didn’t ease his nerves, but it did get him to smile a little. He couldn’t help but look forward to going to an event that was bound to have many people whose music he admired.

“Yeah. Kendall decided to go this time and I’m going with her. We have to go see a stylist to finalize some things in a few days,” Yoongi said.

Halsey smiled. “You must be excited. I know a few of your favorite rappers were invited and a few artists you said you’d like to work with. And who want to work with you.”

All Yoongi could do was nod. He felt giddy just thinking about it and refused to be that outwardly happy in public. The place was mostly empty because of security reasons, but that was beside the point.

After he didn’t elaborate, the conversation turned to Halsey’s schedules. She was also performing and presenting at the Grammys, so they’d be seeing a lot of each other.

When the food arrived, silence reigned for a while unless someone had a comment or wanted to try something another person ordered. The more he ate the more Yoongi felt awake and like a functioning human being. Well, that and all the coffee he was consuming. He didn’t go too crazy because it would leave him jittery, but he had enough that he would be wide awake for several hours after the fact.

Just as they were finishing up though, a call brought everyone’s attention to Halsey. She gave a quick apology and walked away to answer it. When she came back, she was rolling her eyes and laughing.

“What?” Jungkook asked.

Halsey shook her head. “Nothing. Ken was calling me to ask about a few words in French because she needed them, and Google was of no help to her.”

Jungkook nodded, but then pursed his lips. “What is she doing anyway? I know I saw her leave the house earlier and she just mentioned she had something to do.”

After downing the rest of her water Halsey answered. “She had a writer’s club thing scheduled for today. They go to some cafe around here that a friend owns and write or brainstorm for a while. I think she said the session was going to be like five hours or so. She’s almost at the climax of her draft and was eager to get it done and over with.”

A weird feeling overtook Yoongi when she said that, but he tried to keep it at bay; he didn’t want to go down that train of thought. Doing that would only be taking two steps back in all the progress he made since the incident. It wasn’t like Kendall was spending all day there and she was with other people. People who were surely responsible enough to know when it was time to call it quits.

He refused to think about the possibilities of her slipping into old habits.

In his attempt to regain control of his thoughts he almost missed the cue to leave as everyone got up. He followed behind in a careful manner and tried to keep his focus on them and what was happening in the moment. There was mention of shopping around for an hour or two which was approved by Sejin. He didn’t need to buy anything or necessarily want to, but he didn’t mind the distraction.

With the plan in place they headed out and got into their respective vans. As they drove down the street a sign caught Yoongi’s attention because the name was familiar, but he came up short on why. It wasn’t really important, so he didn’t try too hard to remember and found his attention moving to the other shops that they passed. A few were brands he was fond of or stores he wanted to check out, which overtook his whole not needing or wanting anything thought from before. If something caught his eye and he didn’t think the price was ridiculous then maybe he’d indulge.

That thinking kept him occupied for a while as they finally exited the cars and started going in and out of stores. Everyone kept the purchases small, except for Hoseok who seemed to find something in almost every store. The man could shop for days. And as always Yoongi indulged him, following him to each store and looking around until he was done.

An hour in as they stopped to grab something to drink at a Starbucks did something click in Yoongi’s head. The name on that sign was familiar because it was the one that Kendall’s friend owned and the place she usually did her gatherings.

And just like that Yoongi’s mind was drifting where it shouldn’t. To all the things that could go wrong if she hadn’t eaten or hydrated or didn’t have her wrist braces. To if she’d been working a lot in the days leading up and if she was on a deadline of any kind that she was hyper-focused on. To the way she looked leading up to the incident. To what she looked like when he’d found her passed out and when she lay unconscious in the hospital.

It drove him up the wall and he unconsciously pulled out his phone and texted her. The message was a simple check-in message, not something out of the ordinary. What was out of the ordinary though was the way he reacted when a few minutes passed and there was no response. There was a series of texts sent.

Yoongi: I just wanted to see if you were busy or we could talk for a second?

Yoongi: Just checking in on you

Yoongi: And I miss you

Yoongi: Hello?

Yoongi: Kendall…

The more he texted without response the more the worry settled into his chest and wouldn’t leave. Yoongi tried to be reasonable, but his brain just kept flashing images of her in the hospital.

That led to him calling her, to which he was also met with no response. Her voicemail said something about being out of touch for a few hours and getting back to the caller later.

That’s when he knew that he was being unreasonable. He knew that he needed to calm down and stop overthinking things. But by the time he’d taken a deep breath and pulled himself together he’d already led Hoseok and their security to a shop that was near the cafe. It was right next door.

When he noticed he stopped in his tracks.

Hoseok bumped into him because of the suddenness and started to grumble until he stood next to Yoongi and saw what he was looking at. From the look on his face it was clear he knew what was happening.

“Just pop in and say hi. Don’t say anything crazy to upset her.” He patted Yoongi on the shoulder and started towards the store with one of the guards.

Upsetting her was the last thing Yoongi wanted, but something about the way Hoseok said it made him feel weird. Like the younger man knew information that he didn’t, but he had no time to think that over. He was in broad daylight and needed to get a move on so not to draw attention.

So, with his guard in tow he walked over to the cafe, took a deep breath, and knocked. It took a few more knocks to get someone to come to the door and when they did it was a woman who looked very annoyed with him. Though the expression vanished after she clearly registered who it was.

“You’re here for Kendall?” she asked.

Yoongi nodded. “Was just coming to see her for a minute.”

The woman nodded and led them farther into the cafe after locking the door. They were instantly met with the stares of everyone who was there, well everyone except Kendall who was still in her own world. She had to have her arm slapped before she pushed her headphones off and paid attention. After glaring at the person who’d hit her, her eyes flitted over to Yoongi and widened.

Without a word she got up and walked over to him. “What are you doing here?”

Yoongi shrugged, trying to play it cool. “We were nearby doing some shopping and I remembered you mentioning this place, so I thought I’d swing by for a second. I missed you.”

That had Kendall narrowing her eyes at him. She grasped his hand and led him over toward the kitchen area of the cafe, directing his guard to take a seat.

Once they were alone, she turned to him with her brow raised. “So, you missed me and were in the area?”

Yoongi continued to try and play it cool, but when his eyes found the slightest things “off” about her he found it a struggle. There were slight bags under her eyes and the way she carried herself just presented this tired exterior. How had he not noticed how tired she was before?

After he realized he’d remained silent for too long he shook his head and cleared his throat. “Yeah, like I said we were around and as we were walking, we came this way and I thought I’d come see you while Hobi checked out his twentieth store.”

It took a moment, but then Kendall’s face relaxed as did her body. The defensive stance she took left her and Yoongi felt relieved that she was no longer seeing through him. She opened her mouth to speak, but instead ended up covering up a long yawn. That sent Yoongi into overdrive and though he was still careful he had to say something.

“You seem tired, baby. You sure you don’t need a nap?” he joked.

Kendall laughed, but was cut off by yet another yawn. Once that one was done, she groaned. “Maybe, I do.”

Yoongi thought that was a great opening. “How about you come take one with me?”

The thing was he miscalculated when the right time to say something like that was. Kendall froze after that and her defenses went back up. Yoongi watched as she went from calm to basically glaring at him.

He messed up.

Kendall took a deep breath before speaking. “I didn’t tell you what I was doing today or where I’d be. Meaning you heard it from Hals, which is fine it’s not like I was keeping a secret and I know you all were together when I called. So, none of that is a problem. And I didn’t make a fuss about you coming and disturbing this whole writing thing, something you know not to do unless it’s an emergency, because I missed you and hated having to leave this morning. So also, not a problem. But what is becoming a problem is you here lying to my face. So, tell me why you’re here, Yoongi.”

Yoongi was conflicted and wanted to play it off but lying to her would do more damage and he didn’t want that. Especially not in a place that wasn’t private where they could work out his brief moment of stupidity.

“We were in the area and that is why I came by. I wanted to check in on you. Make sure things were going okay and that you weren…”

She cut him off. “That I wasn’t pushing myself too hard?”

Shame filled him, but he nodded his head.

What he expected was for her to rant and rave about how tired she was of him doing that or being offended, but what he got instead were glossy eyes. He wanted to console her, but he didn’t know what to say or do. He felt out of his element.

“I haven’t properly written in two weeks because I had other work and didn’t want to overextend myself. Any writing I have done was edits here and there for Ara or just me taking a moment to go through the manuscript because I had down time. These next few weeks are crazy for me since everyone comes into town for the awards and I run around to see friends or enjoy sessions. This day was one of the few I was taking to sit and actually put words down. To make progress so I don’t feel shitty when things mellow out and I have more time to do things like write. And to hang out with friends I haven’t had the chance to see much of,” she said.

As she spoke Yoongi watched as her eyes became glossier and finally a tear or two slipped from them. Her voice also grew softer, and each word made her sound so disconnected from what she was saying. It broke his heart.

“Kendall,” he said, stepping closer to wipe the tears from her face.

Shaking her head, she took several steps back and used the sleeve of her - well his - sweater to get rid of the tears herself.

“You should go,” she said.

He wanted to comfort her, to apologize, but it wasn’t the right place and he’d already done enough. Nodding, he whispered a brief see you later and I love you before turning to leave. He didn’t even say anything as he went, just inclined his head so the guard would follow and left the cafe.

Hoseok emerged from the store seconds after and after one look at Yoongi’s face shook his head. Without a word they walked back to where the van waited for them.

Avoiding Yoongi was what Kendall wanted to do, but of course it was the one time one of his visits to California meant they’d be seeing a lot of each other. The boys had jam pack schedules that took them all over the city and some of those included pre-Grammy events. And Kendall was forced to go to those for networking purposes and sometimes solely to be some sort of representative for her company since most of the producers there were freelance.

So, after two days of dry text responses and refusing to go where he was, she was forced in the same room as him. Which would’ve been fine if she could ignore him the entire time or maintain her indifference, but they were in a public space. The slightest hint of trouble in paradise led to everyone and their mama knowing and having something to say about it. She’d already seen how people got after they’d both been having a bad day and didn’t seem particularly fond of anyone, let alone each other. Everyone was ready to hear that they’d broken up or something.

No one wanted that, so she’d had to suck it up and relinquish the hurt that she felt. It was hard, but she prepared herself mentally for it. That and the reminder that she only had to stay for a few hours and would be forced to mingle helped. The more talking to others the less time spent in his presence or so she hoped.

When she arrived at the event - an hour after it started - everything was in full swing. People had drinks and were talking to everyone and anyone they could cling to. It made her want to leave right that second, but she had an obligation; so, she grabbed a drink and allowed herself to be whisked away by the first person who approached her.

Thankfully, luck was on her side. The first person to grab her was an acquaintance she’d made while working on a song for a Bruno Mars album. She’d enjoyed their presence and they kept in touch some. He brought her over to a group of his friends - newer producers - and she hit it off with them instantly. They talked about themselves and projects they’d worked on. Two of them wanted to break into producing for international music and asked her how she’d gotten into working with K-pop artists on stuff.

The conversation was so nice that she’d pushed away her thoughts of worry and sadness, it held her focus. Though it only lasted an hour.

“Why are they staring at them like that?” Jess, one of the producers, asked.

That caused Kendall to pause mid-sentence to follow her gaze. Once she found what held her attention the feelings came flooding back to her, but they were quickly overshadowed by different ones. Off in the distance all the boys stood or sat around a table with one or two of their friends. But all around them clusters of people talked amongst each other but stared the boys down in a way that was uncomfortable on several levels.

Of course, there couldn’t be at one event they went to that people weren’t on their bullshit. They just didn’t know how to interact like normal humans, as if any of the boys would bite them or something.

Kendall turned back to the group, but they were already shooing her away. She reminded herself to get their contact info before she left the event and then made her way over to where the guys were.

As she walked over heads turned in her direction, but as soon as she made eye contact with those people they looked away and put some distance between the guys and themselves. It pleased her that they still remembered she’d come for anyone who did or said anything that upset any of them and she wouldn’t pull her punches.

And her glare was so effective that as she got closer to the boys everyone’s attention was actually focused on who they were talking to.

Once she reached the table, she greeted them all, but moved to Yoongi’s side immediately. They weren’t people known for large displays of public affection, but when out together they remained close. So, when she walked up, he laced his fingers in hers as soon as she reached for his hand and they smiled at each other.

The smiles were forced, but not necessarily fake. At least on Kendall’s end. She had a reason to smile, she was amongst friends and just left a wonderful conversation, but there were also reasons to not be that into it. First, she’d had to come and put a stop to people making the boys feel awkward. Second, as she noted that people weren’t blatantly staring or gossiping the hurt bubbled back up.

Maintaining eye contact with Yoongi long enough that she didn’t seem to be dodging his gaze was hard, but she managed it. When that awkward situation was done, she turned her attention to everyone else.

“How long have you guys been here?” she asked.

Namjoon glanced down at his watch. “A little after they started. Sejin wanted us to get here earlier to make sure we talked to somebody. That happened in the first ten minutes and now we’re just here for a while.”

Kendall nodded.

“How about you?” Jungkook asked.

“Oh, I was an hour late.”

At that they all rolled their eyes and she heard a few murmurs about how she was lucky she could just show up whenever. It made her laugh that they envied her when they were all at the event against their will for longer than they wanted to be.

After that small talk they all dove into discussing something Namjoon read and thought everyone else should read too. It was hard to tell him no when he was so passionate about something, so they all let him talk up the book. Kendall had to admit by the time he finished she planned to at least look it up.

But even as she attempted to give him most of her attention her gaze and mind continued to wander towards Yoongi. He was also listening intently, but every so often he’d glance her way with something that could’ve been akin to longing. And she wanted to give in but then her mind flashed back to two days before. The worry on his face and the way he’d tried to find a roundabout way to get her to leave her session early. But most of all the lack of trust in her being able to take care of herself. That hurt the most and though a part of her deemed it a valid worry of his, it didn’t take away the fact that she wasn’t okay with it and was upset. And no matter how much she reasoned with herself she couldn’t look past that. She couldn’t bring herself to talk it out either. Not yet.

And if forced to spend more time in that set up she would’ve bought the book Namjoon was talking about and given into Yoongi. But she was saved by the clearing of a throat into a mic. Everyone’s attention moved to the makeshift stage near the bar, watching and listening intently as the host introduced themselves. From there a few speakers went up and there was a newer artist who was nominated for a Grammy who performed. Kendall really liked their sound and made a mental note to check out more of their work.

After about an hour and a half of that everyone went back to conversing amongst themselves, but the crowd had seemingly grown. People were much closer to the group then they were before, and they seemed to be trying to talk to the boys more. Kendall wasn’t even the focus and she was overwhelmed, so she couldn’t imagine how they felt about it.

That is until she felt a hard squeeze to her hand. Glancing up she noted that Yoongi was nodding along to whatever the man in front of him was saying, but his body was tense. And from the way he grimaced every so often she could tell he wasn’t okay.

Too many people around with focus on him in a space he wasn’t comfortable in wasn’t a good combination. It led to small attacks and she wanted to avoid those.

Kendall had to interject.

Putting on a small smile she turned her attention to the man talking. “I’m sorry. I need to borrow him for a moment. So, if you would excuse us.”

There was no waiting for a response from him, she merely used their interlocked fingers to pull Yoongi away from the table and the crowd. As they went, she made eye contact with Sejin who nodded in understanding, but she didn’t stop walking until they were out of the main hall and inside an empty supply closet.

Once inside she turned so she was facing him, releasing his hand so both of hers could cup his face. He didn’t look at her at first, his eyes closed and his chest moving rapidly as he regulated his breathing. That hurt her heart and she felt the frustration brewing, but she kept it at bay. Leaning forward she pressed her forehead to his and her eyes fluttered shut. She started breathing deep and slow, her fingers caressing his cheeks. After a few seconds, his breathing matched hers and once she felt he was calm her eyes opened.

The second hers were open so were his. There was still a strong sense of unease in his expression, but he no longer looked on the verge of an attack. It gave her some relief.

“You okay?” she asked softly.

Yoongi nodded.

“Yoon. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Again, his eyes closed, and she was worried he was slipping into an attack, but when he opened them again, he appeared more at peace.

“I promise, baby,” he said, his voice scratchy.

She nodded, softly chewing on her lower lip for a moment.

“Do you want to leave? We can tell Sejin and I’m sure the boys are looking for an excuse to escape.”

“Please,” he said.

That was all Kendall needed before she was pulling out her phone. To her surprise Namjoon had already texted to say they were leaving and would head to where they were staying before meeting at her apartment. Yoongi had clothes at her place so there was no need for him to go back with them.

“They’re already gone. Is going back to mine okay?” she asked.

Yoongi opened his mouth to speak, but then he just nodded again. He was still clearly fighting off the effects of what almost happened.

Kendall wanted him out of there as soon as possible. So, she pressed a kiss to his nose and then grabbed his hand, leading them out to her car. And even after they had to let go of each other to get in, their hands found each other again once secured inside. She drove with their fingers intertwined, allowing Yoongi to use her hand as a distraction.

When they arrived at the apartment, she grabbed some things and took a shower in the guest bathroom. She wanted to stick to Yoongi’s side, but she also knew he needed some time to himself. No matter how much having people around helped a moment to collect yourself and work through it always helped more.

About half an hour after their arrival the boys showed up with food and Yoongi emerged from her bedroom swathed in a large hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. He didn’t say much of anything and no one pushed him to. They all ate their dinner in a comfortable silence while watching something Taehyung choose on the TV.

Though Kendall thought the night would remain calm the boys chose to play some video games and Mario Kart and Smash Bros got them real competitive. It was amusing to watch, but it made her happy because it’s what brought Yoongi out of his shell and got him to smile a little.

However, after three hours and them still going strong Kendall felt tired. No matter how much she tried her eyes wouldn’t remain open and it was time to throw in the towel.

She carefully got off the couch, catching none of their attention, and moved toward her bedroom. Before she disappeared though she turned around and clapped loudly, gaining everyone’s focus, and making someone lose.

“I’m going to bed. You can stay or you can go. You all know that I don’t care, and the extra blankets and pillows are where they always are.”

At that they nodded and refocused their attention on starting up the game. And Kendall made it to her bedroom, pushing back her blanket and once laid out she allowed it to consume her.

As she laid there and listened to the boys’ yell, she hoped it would be the thing to lull her to sleep, but nothing came. Her mind wandered, several subjects coming to the forefront as she dodged the one thing that was the real reason she was still up. It was persistent, always finding a way to weave itself into something else she was thinking about. After some time, it reached a point where she was in tears because she couldn’t shake it.

That vulnerability was all it needed to strike.

Her thoughts were the same every night. How life was so stressful and how she still felt in that weird limbo with Yoongi. And the recent incident didn’t help her at all. It made her feel like she was farther away from fixing things fully than she actually was. Made her think that Yoongi would never trust her in that aspect of her life ever again. And reminded her of how she’d failed herself in not seeing the signs of her downfall. Her therapist said that she couldn’t blame herself for that and she agreed with her, but that didn’t stop the thoughts from surfacing.

It was all too much and before she knew it all it took was the soft shouting of Yoongi to send her into a full-on sob. She wished she could stop it, but all that she could manage was maintaining her silence.

Kendall didn’t know how long she laid there crying to herself or when the boys stopped yelling at each other. The next time she became aware of anything besides what was going on in her head was when the bed dipped, and she was pulled into a chest.

Yoongi whispered softly that it was okay and that he was there while wiping her tears away. She wasn’t very present, but she heard him sniffle and that’s when the dam broke a little more. It wasn’t long before she felt tears that weren’t from her.

They both laid there and cried until sleep claimed them.

The next morning Yoongi woke up in the bed alone and tucked in. When he finally had the energy to venture out, he found Kendall in the kitchen with Jin preparing breakfast. They were in their own little world and he didn’t dare disturb that, even if he did have questions about how he’d found her the night before.

He greeted them, made his coffee, and found the other boys in the living room. They all appeared as disheveled as he felt, so the room plummeted into silence after brief good mornings were uttered. Everyone focused on the TV playing some show in front of them, but it didn’t really hold their attention. Or at least it didn’t hold Yoongi’s attention much.

After waking up Yoongi was always a bit out of it for a while, even as he functioned as if he were wide awake. It took some time - and some coffee - to get him to a point where things felt not so distorted. Food also helped, and thankfully after the second failed attempt to keep his eyes open it was done and being brought into the living room. It was the usual location for them to eat despite Kendall having a perfectly comfortable dining area.

Eating was also a silent affair. There was a little talking occasionally, but it was mostly asking someone to pass something here or there. But there was nothing off about that kind of thing, the combination of food and just waking up was reason enough to not want to speak to each other. Plus it wasn’t like the silence left things awkward, they’d all grown comfortable enough with each other to just simply be in each other’s presence sometimes.

By the time they finished everyone was much livelier and seemed ready to start the day. At that point they prepped to rotate taking showers to get ready for the day. Some of the boys had separate things they wanted to do and Sejin apparently dropped some stuff off for them, so they didn’t have to leave to get ready.

Yoongi jumped into the shower while Kendall and Jin cleaned the dishes - something they insisted on. By the time he stepped out of it his mind was cleared and he only had one thought in his head. Why was Kendall crying? He feared there was something wrong that she hadn’t told him about. But he also feared that he’d been the cause of her tears. There was no clear way for him to know which one scared him more.

It didn’t matter though, he needed to know what was wrong so he could possibly help someway. Knowing that he was maybe the cause was better than not knowing at all. Especially if it wasn’t the first time it occurred.

So, when Kendall walked into the room moments after he finished getting dressed, he opened his mouth to speak, but didn’t get the chance.

“Goodness, I feel like I sweated through every orifice of my body last night. I definitely need to shower again,” she said dramatically, already pulling off her clothes.

That made him pause and smile a little at her behavior. It halted his thoughts of saying something long enough that just as he attempted to speak again, she was already cutting him off.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. But Max said he was coming a little earlier and since we all slept in, he should be here soon. Can you make sure someone lets him up?” she asked, turning to look at him for the first time since she entered.

Yoongi knew that was his moment to say it, but then his brain short circuited seeing her naked like that and that momentary lapse told him he wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. He wouldn’t be reacting like some kid seeing his first boob if his brain wasn’t looking for something else to focus on so he could avoid the crying.

He nodded.

Kendall smiled and gave him a thumbs up before skipping into the bathroom. Once the door was closed Yoongi fell back onto the bed and groaned. Of course, he froze up just as he almost did it. Of course, his mind drifted elsewhere. All he’d done for the last few months was struggle with getting to the point with her and things were suffering because of it. He thought he’d gotten better, but obviously not back to normal.

He hated the weird place they were in.

There was no stewing in his annoyance for long though, he needed to keep a lookout for Max. Raising from the bed, he grabbed his phone and shuffled out to the living room. Taehyung, Jimin, and Namjoon were laid out on the couch and focused on their phones. All of them in a fresh pair of clothes and slightly damp hair.

“What are you guys doing?” Namjoon asked once Yoongi took a seat.

Taehyung and Jimin said they were going to see a few museums or something. Once they finished Yoongi muttered about going to a studio with Kendall, Max, and a few others.

Namjoon perked up at that. “Can I come?”

His suddenness startled Yoongi who glanced over at him with a raised brow. “I thought you were going with the other three?”

At that Namjoon simply shrugged. “We were going to go out a little far out to get some pictures and just relax, but I kind of want to go to the studio. Even if it’s just sitting there and hanging out versus doing anything productive.”

Yoongi could get that. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s fine. It was us all just catching up and messing around anyway. It’s one of those rare times everyone is in the same place so we can meet up and meet people.”

Namjoon smiled at that and got up heading towards the guest bedroom. Yoongi could hear him tell the others he was abandoning them with a whole of excitement. He was sure if the younger man didn’t specify what he was leaving for they’d be offended.

In his absence Max showed up and Yoongi let him in. They greeted each other with the same friendly fondness that they always did. And as usual they dove into their own world after Max said hello to the others. The conversation was focused on catching up and what they were up to. They both were very over all the things they had to show up for during the days leading up to the Grammys. Every event was basically the same and they’d much prefer chilling or doing something that they wanted to.

“So, you’re going to the Roc Nation Brunch?” Max asked.

Yoongi nodded. “Yeah, Kendall doesn’t want to go alone.”

“And you also really want to go and see who you can meet,” Max said, seeing right through him.

Yoongi laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. Of course, everyone saw through his whole thing about just going for Kendall. He was going for that reason, but he wasn’t going to deny that he was excited to be amongst people he looked up to all his life or admired. Even if nothing came of it, he'd still have a good time being there.

Before he could verbalize anything though Kendall emerged from the bedroom dressed and hair up in a bun. She smiled at Max and waved before venturing down to the guest bedroom. Her head peaked in and Yoongi faintly heard her say that Jungkook could shower in her room.

When she returned, her and Max went into conversation while Yoongi’s attention was drawn in by Namjoon showing him something. And they all stayed like that until Jin, Hoseok, and Jungkook were dressed and ready to go. After Sejin confirmed he was waiting for them they headed down, but just as they reached the elevators Hoseok paused.

“I think I forgot my charger,” he said.

Kendall was already in the elevator and stepped out, but Hoseok waved her off.

“You guys go down. Yoongi can open the door for me, right?”

For a moment Kendall appeared confused, but then she simply nodded and stepped back in. Yoongi was just outside the doors so he simply turned and led Hoseok back towards the apartment.

Once they were inside, he expected him to go look for the thing, but Hoseok merely turned to face him, his lips in a deep-set frown.

“What?” Yoongi asked, both confused and worried.

A second or two passed and Hoseok said nothing, which was horrible on Yoongi’s nerves. But before he could ask again, he started talking.

“I’m guessing you found her crying or looking like she cried herself to sleep last night?” he asked, though it sounded more like a statement.

That made Yoongi freeze. How the hell he knew about her crying was beyond him, but it made him feel even worse that his friend knew what the heck was going on, but Yoongi was clueless. Had Kendall told him what was wrong, or did he find out by chance? Yoongi really needed to know.

“Ho...” Yoongi started.

“The month you were being an ass I had to come here for work remember? I had a hotel room but I mostly stayed here and the first night after we watched a movie she went to bed a little early. She must have forgot I was there or was just too distraught to stop herself, but she cried then too. I went to check on her when it lasted for several minutes and found her full on sobbing in bed. Once I got her calm I asked her about it. And even then she cried every night after. Now did she cry or not?”

Hearing that made Yoongi’s chest tight and his breathing a little labored. He wanted to ask more, but he couldn’t find the words and Hoseok was awaiting an answer. Not trusting his voice Yoongi nodded.

Hoseok chewed on his lower lip for a second before sighing. “Okay, so I’m not supposed to tell you and I technically won’t, but you two need to talk. Of course, you need to discuss what happened a few days ago, but you also need to bring up the crying. You have to do it tonight, okay? This crap can’t be held off any longer or it’s only going to get worse.”

The urgency in Hoseok’s voice made Yoongi’s stomach churn. He really needed to know what the hell happened, but he knew that only one person could give him those answers and it would be wrong to press someone else for them.

“Okay,” Yoongi said when he finally found his voice.

After staring at him for a while Hoseok nodded and they left the apartment. Their descent was made in silence and Yoongi tried to keep his expression as blank as would be considered normal, he couldn’t look upset or like he was trying too hard to look fine. Kendall or Namjoon would pick up on things and he didn’t need that.

But once he got into Max’s car Namjoon glanced at him once and it was like he saw right through him. Yoongi gave him a look that relayed to not ask question and Namjoon’s mouth clamp shut into a firm line. Thankfully though Kendall was too focused on a call to glance his way longer than a second so she couldn’t scrutinize him.

Once he was settled, Max pulled off and they made their way to the studio. It was a quick trip and soon enough Yoongi didn’t have to worry about Kendall possibly catching on because she was wrapped up in everything else.

Her distraction led to Yoongi watching her closely. Of course, he was in the conversation and actively enjoying himself, but he also took into account everything that she did. The way she slowly became more comfortable and how she smiled. It was wider and much more genuine than he’d seen in a while. Everything about her was much freer than he’d seen her in what felt like forever and that was a punch to the gut.

That realization dampened his mood and made the last two hours of their session a bit hard to bear. He kept up with conversation and even took over the computer to add on a suggestion of his, but he was no longer as excited to be there.

In fact, Yoongi was anxious to leave.

Around six they were picked up in a van with the other boys and went out for a quick dinner. Yoongi was sure that Hoseok let the others know that he and Kendall needed some time alone if the way they inhaled their food was any indication.

But things couldn’t go that smoothly.

Just as Yoongi was going to say he was going back with Kendall, Sejin said they needed to have a meeting at the house. Of course, he didn’t know how long it would be, so having Kendall wait for them was unreasonable.

Another stop to his plans.

They parted ways and Yoongi all but shouted the meeting needed to happen the second they stepped into the door. It shocked no one - except maybe Sejin - and they got right to it. The subject was just about how the next few days would ramp up and they’d have the morning off the next day, but that evening was meant for some interviews and more practice.

The moment that was finished Yoongi was already out of the house and hopping into the car that stayed behind. The staff member driving knew where to take him without a word. And for the twenty-minute drive he sat with his leg bouncing and chewing on the tip of his nail.

Once at the building he all but ran inside, throwing a quick thank you over his shoulder. He spent the entire elevator ride trying to find the right words to say and when the doors opened, he was so sure of himself. However, once he got inside his nerves hit. It wasn’t that he’d lost his edge, but he heard something that sounded like whimpering.

He was right that it was a regular occurrence.

Yoongi steeled himself and made his way to the bedroom. He didn’t want to rush in and startle her too much, so he took his time pushing the door open and making his way to her side. He crawled into the bed and pulled back the cover from her head.

Kendall looked surprised, but it was clearly pushed aside as she tried to rid herself of the tears. It didn’t change that her eyes were bloodshot and her hands shaky.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice cracking.

Yoongi wanted to simply comfort her and tell her it would be okay, but he didn’t fully know what was going on. And without knowing and talking things through he couldn’t promise things like that.

“Baby, we need to talk,” he said, hoping the term of endearment would soothe any worries about what he planned to say.

There was no obvious reaction to it, though he did feel her stiffen a little. For a second, he thought she’d change the subject, but after a deep breath she nodded.

Carefully he moved both of them into a sitting position. She had her back against the headboard with her legs crossed and he sat opposite her, his hands taking in hers.

Several minutes passed in silence. Yoongi knew she needed a minute and refused to push her. He wanted their conversation to go by smoothly and that meant being hyper aware of how either of them felt before saying anything.

A hand squeeze was the signal for him to proceed.

“How about we start with why I found you crying two nights in a row,” he said softly.

That made her clam up a bit, but Yoongi squeezed her hands on and off to comfort her. After a few seconds she physically relaxed and took a deep breath.

“I haven’t... I…” More squeezes of reassurance and she worked through it. “It felt like the world crumbled down around us the moment we came back from the hospital. I knew I’d messed up and that it would take some time to rebuild things, but I don’t know at what point the rebuilding is complete. I don’t know when I can finally relax and not feel like something I say or do that leans slightly into not so healthy territory will upset you. Of course, I’m making a strong effort to be better for myself above anything else, but some things just can’t be helped. Sometimes I’m going to work a little too hard or skip a meal solely because I’m not hungry.

“But when is it the time that I can do that without feeling like I’m letting you down, Yoongi? When do I get to stop feeling like that, you’re five seconds away from shutting down and cutting me out for a month again? I get it and I understand that this is a lot on you and you’re still working through some of it yourself, but when does it stop? Does it ever? Or are we stuck in this infinite loop of me fearing the wrong move will completely destroy our relationship just like I thought it would after it happened?”

Halfway through her mini rant Kendall started crying again. She tried to hold them back, but it was clear that she knew it was a losing battle. So Yoongi watched them flow down her cheeks. He watched as her voice broke and she became distraught. He watched as the thick wall that had still been between them started to crack a little.

And he hated it.

Yoongi hated that it took six months before they could get to a point where everything was finally laid out. He hated it because he knew how much of it was his own fault. Kendall wanted to talk about it once he’d stopped giving her the cold shoulder, but he thought a slow approach was best. And when everything was normal-ish, he was sure he’d worked through the urge to react a little aggressively when she seemed to slip into the habits that landed her in the hospital.

His behavior was hypocritical. While she lived in fear she’d do something to set him off, he continued his habits every so often and sometimes even brushed off her concern. It was truly messed up.

At some point he was so in his head thinking about how he’d messed up that he almost forgot that the love of his life was across from him crying and waiting for a response.

Taking a deep breath Yoongi glanced up and stared into her eyes. It broke his heart to see how watery they were, but he needed to get through it and not just jump to comforting her. There would be nothing else to get him off track.

“I know this hasn’t been easy. It’s sucked hard the last few months and I know it wasn’t handled the best. I worked through my emotions and didn’t think we needed to go further than the progress we’d made. I sat blind to the fact that I was still clinging to the fear and making it hard for you to be free with me. To say what you want without worry about me being upset. And for that I’m really sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Kendall. And I have to apologize for the way I stormed into your writing session. I let my worries overtake me instead of trusting you, which is shitty. I trust you with all that I am, and I never want you to think I don’t. And I promise to make sure that I don’t make you feel that way again.

“From now on we are going to be our normal selves. There are going to be moments where we push a little too hard or slip up, but I know neither of us will go through what happened again. I’ll stop the weirdness and if I slip up please let me know. I will not be upset if you call me on my bullshit. Okay?”

Since she was still crying, she couldn’t speak so she just nodded.

With that out of the way Yoongi finally pulled her into him. With the force they fell back onto the bed, but he didn’t mind at all. His arms wrapped around her waist and he pressed kisses all over her face. After a while she giggled and tried to get him to stop. However, Yoongi refused to let up and at some point she ended up pinned underneath him.

Once he had enough of being jabbed in the side, he stopped but didn’t move from where he was straddling her. His eyes softened and his hands reached to caress her face. He felt nothing but affection course through him as he stared at her. The smile on her face was radiant and it was the first time in months she looked at him that way.

“I love you,” he said.

That only made her smile shine brighter. “I love you too.”

After their talk and another brief conversation things got better. Kendall felt she could be much freer in what she did or said around Yoongi and he felt a weight lift from his shoulders. They were busy so there wasn’t a lot of time spent together, but any time that was in each other’s presence could be described in one word.

Disgusting.

At least to everyone who had to be in their presence.

They were so free that their affection and love were always present. If they weren’t kissing, they were cuddling. And if cuddling was out of the question, they were holding hands or linking pinkies. It was as if they were forgoing their usual not so intense public affection to make up for lost time. And if they didn’t have any shame - which it never felt like they did - they’d probably end up dry humping each other on the couch during movie night. Everyone was thankful it never came to that.

Kendall was very aware of how their behavior was affecting everyone, but she didn’t care all that much. At some point she planned to scale it back to normal, but for the time being she thought it was fine for them to just deal with it. Especially since they weren’t as bad as Jimin and that girl he dated for six months. The thought of the compromising positions she’d found them in would forever send a chill down her spine.

But she could admit they were maybe overdoing it after it taking five minutes for them to part ways and get ready for the brunch. They had to be dragged apart and pulled from the bedroom so they could start the day. It was kind of funny, but also a little cringy. Though she’d take that over non-stop tension any day.

Their separation wasn’t for long though. After a little over an hour of hair and make-up they met in the kitchen, both grabbing a snack. Yoongi was almost fully dressed. He wore olive green slacks and a white button up. His gray hair was styled to where it covered most of his forehead, but there was a small part near the center. He looked good and his pants made his butt pop a little. Though it was still no match for Kendall’s. She wore a dress of the same color. It was off the shoulder with flowy sleeves and though the material of the top hung a little loose the skirt of it was tight. It met and molded with every curve she had.

Yoongi surely appreciated it.

“Stop staring at my butt, please and thank you,” she muttered after downing a glass of water.

“That’s not going to happen,” Yoongi muttered.

Turning to face him fully she took away his view, which led to him pouting at her. While it was a little adorable, she couldn’t forget that the reason he was pouting was because he couldn’t be a perv.

Moving closer her arms wrapped around his neck and she leaned her head on his shoulder. There were some complaints about her curls getting into his mouth, but he wrapped his arms around her waist and placed a kiss on her bare shoulder.

“You look good, love,” Kendall muttered.

“So, do you,” he replied.

Kendall’s eyes fluttered closed after that and she just stayed like that. Being wrapped in his arms was nice and she never wanted to leave them if she could help it. But obviously that wasn’t allowed.

“I told you five minutes to grab a snack. You’re not going to be upset with me because I didn’t have the time to add some extra touches to your hair,” Kendall’s stylist, Michelle, said.

Holding back a laugh Kendall pulled away from Yoongi and winked before following behind the woman. She wasn’t really annoyed with her but testing her was also not the best idea; she could get mean.

The next time they saw each other was in the car taking them to the event. They were running a little behind, but neither of them cared much. They were definitely not going to be the last ones to get there.

“I had a feeling you’d choose those,” he commented as they got out of the car to make their entrance.

At first Kendall was confused, but then she noticed his head incline towards her shoes. She’d chosen a pair with a thicker heel since Michelle wouldn’t allow her to wear flats or fashionable sneakers.

She scoffed and pressed closer to him as his arm wrapped around her waist.

“Of course. Do you want to have to massage my feet so they feel better after that torture?” she asked.

Then it was Yoongi’s turn to scoff. “As if you’re not going to make me after you wear those.”

They were on the carpet where photos would be taken by then but it didn’t stop her from lightly swatting at him.

“Don’t act like you don’t volunteer half of the time.”

“Don’t act like I don’t volunteer in order to maybe get something out of it,” he retorted.

Her instinct was to keep going, but she merely laughed at him. He wasn’t wrong per se. It took a moment for them to come out of their own little world and realize there were cameras pointed at them. They quickly got it together and took one too many pictures.

From there it was full steam ahead. They entered the party and were immersed in people. They were saying hi to acquaintances, catching up and hanging out with friends, and interacting with people they hadn’t before. At some point there was a brief conversation with Jay-Z and Beyoncé before Jay Park swooped up and pulled Kendall’s attention.

But no matter who they were talking to both were glued to each other’s side. Yoongi would be having a completely different conversation with a different set of people then Kendall and still had their fingers laced. And when they weren’t too focused on anything they were practically cuddled together and happy in their own space.

A few hours of drinks and conversation made them want to go home though. So, despite the promise to stay a little longer they made their exit and headed home. Though there were a few quick stops for food and things.

Once at Kendall's apartment they got ready for bed and then proceeded to struggle to make a fort in the living room for thirty minutes. The entire time was spent yelling after the sheets collapsed on them and laughter when they accidentally crashed into each other because they couldn’t see. In retrospect they should’ve used more than light from the TV and a lamp to do it.

When they’d finally finished the fort, got the coffee table moved, retrieved way too many pillows and blankets, and set their snacks out they finally got comfortable. They cuddled close and turned their focus to the TV.

Yoongi was in charge of picking what they watched since Kendall didn’t care much and he was clearly struggling. Kendall was going to offer some help but then his head turned to her and in a second his lips were on hers. Though shocked she returned the kiss, pressing even closer to keep it going.

A minute or so later Yoongi pulled away and smiled at her.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” she said without hesitation.

For a little while they stared at each other and said nothing. They didn’t need to though. Basking in each other was enough for that moment.

Who knows how long it took before they looked away from each other, but when they did Kendall felt a flurry of butterflies in her stomach and everything seemed right with the world for once.

“Veronica Mars rewatch?” he asked.

Kendall nodded.

“Veronica Mars rewatch!” she screamed.

That made Yoongi laugh and shake his head, but he was already pressing play on the first episode of season one.

The day of the Grammys started much like the day of the brunch. Neither of them wanted to leave the bed, but they needed to start the day. Kendall had a thing or two to do before she got ready and since the boys were performing, they had to do a few more run-throughs.

It was tough, but they started their days on a high note and were ready to end it on that too. Yoongi came into practice focused and ready to get things done. He wanted things to go smoothly and for them to leave an impression. And with the set they were performing they were sure to do so.

Practice lasted for a few hours. It was briefly done in their own little room, but for most of it they were on the stage. It went well, though there were a few tweaks here and there as they looked back on what they did. Thankfully, nothing major was wrong and all of them were in the right state of health to go on.

When everything was done, they headed back to the house to shower, eat, and get ready. Since there were enough bathrooms for all of them there was no waiting, which Yoongi was eternally grateful for. He did not smell his best and his muscles were a little sore from use. Showering helped with that and gave him the time to breathe.

Once finished and dressed in loose clothing he went down to the kitchen to grab some of the food, which he devoured faster than usual. Which wasn’t good since it merely increased the tired feeling he’d been ignoring and hoping would go away. But he was in luck. They’d wrapped things up quickly enough that there was time for him to take a nap.

That isn’t what he did once his body hit the bed though. Sleep was on his mind, but it was quickly overshadowed by Kendall. He’d texted her earlier, but she hadn’t gotten back to him, which bothered him. And surprisingly it wasn’t because he was worried, but because he was being a pouty baby about being ignored. He debated blowing up her phone just to get on her nerves, but then remembered she had a lot to do and she was feeling extremely nervous about the night.

Yoongi understood that though, it was going to be nerve wracking. The boys were performing and up for an award. Which would be fine, but then Yoongi was also up for Producer of the Year Non-classical. He and Kendall were up for it together. If they were both separate entries it would be one thing, but they shared the possibility of winning and that made him want it more. He thought she deserved to win, and he wanted to win for himself.

At some point he got so in his head that he didn’t even realize he’d drifted off. It was like even in his sleep his mind was only focused on that. Which meant the nap helped, but his thoughts running meant that he didn’t get the full affect. When Hoseok shook him awake all he could do was groan and wish he was asleep again.

But alas he had to get his behind in gear. So, he downed some coffee and let the staff take over from there. His outfit was handed to him and he changed into it before coming back out for his hair and make-up to be done. It was going to be a simple look make-up wise and changed up a little for the performance. And his hair was styled over his forehead, but there was some waviness to it.

After two hours of everyone getting ready, they headed out again. Yoongi could feel his nerves ramp up and the energy in the car was also very uneasy. There was excitement too, but that just made things worse. And when they arrived, he felt like he was going to vomit. It took some deep breaths and a quick pep talk from Joon to get them all to normal levels of nervous.

With a calmer state of mind Yoongi stepped out of the car, only moving far enough so the others could get out too. The picture taking was almost immediate and Yoongi steeled him so as soon as he heard the first click. Once Namjoon was out he took the lead and led them inside and onto the carpet. They stopped for several photos and a few quick interviews, which were basically just the same questions over and over again.

It wasn’t until about five minutes into being on the carpet that something caught Yoongi’s interest. From the corner of his eye he saw a flash of purple enter the carpet and only pause for about thirty seconds before moving along. He knew who it was before his head even fully turned.

Kendall was in a long lilac dress that had two slits up to the middle of her thigh and a pair of white heels that she probably hated. Her hair was braided into a crown, which he knew took a while because of how thick it was, even when straightened.

She looked beyond beautiful and she was planning on walking right past them.

Never one for lingering long on carpets, Kendall merely glanced his way and winked before preparing to go on her merry way, but that wasn’t going down. Yoongi moved away from the boys, confusing their interviewer, and grasped her hand pulling her over to where they were despite heavy protest.

Once with the group again he smiled and acted as if he hadn’t thrown all of them off. And that smile grew wider when Kendall stopped objecting once in front of the camera. She was known to have no problem speaking her displeasure no matter the setting, but she also tried her best to keep her cool in those situations.

After recovering from the interruption, the interview continued as normal. There were a few questions thrown at Kendall, but she answered them with ease. And a few moments later they were being directed into the main room. That’s when she took the chance to lightly punch Yoongi in his arm.

“Jerk,” she mumbled.

He just laughed and allowed her to take the lead. They were all sitting together from what he’d seen earlier, which worked for him because he’d need his brothers and her by his side to get through the evening.

About twenty minutes after they got into their seats things started, and the focus went there. Cameras would be everywhere, and they would especially be on them, so there was the need to be present for the most part. He could lean over and whisper something in Kendall’s ear every so often to make her laugh, but besides that he had to keep it together.

About an hour in, staff came to grab the boys and Yoongi placed a quick kiss on Kendall's hand before going to get ready. The moment he got backstage it was hectic and his mind could only focus on being ready to go. They went through wardrobe, hair, and make-up within twenty minutes and then moved to their positions.

When the music started Yoongi felt his heart rate increase, but he tried to keep it down. It wasn’t even his turn yet. Jungkook was up first.

The boys had decided on using their performance as a moment to highlight their solo stuff and their group work. They’d all get about thirty seconds on their own set and that would shift seamlessly into the next one. Once that was over, they would come together for their newest title track, which reflected a lot more with old Bangtan music.

Yoongi was going to be the last to go and though he had newer music he had chosen Agust D to perform. When it was his turn he came out and performed with the charisma that he was known for. And then just where the verse should’ve kept going, he stopped and the whole place went black. When the lights came back up, he was in a formation with the others and he continued, the group song starting with a verse from him.

The crowd responded nicely to it and the energy in the place was crazy. Even when they finished their set, the applause finished, and he was back in his seat the adrenaline coursed through him. He was on a high.

That new energy fueled him and kept him grounded through the rest of the show. And then it died a little when they mentioned the category the boys were up for. He was sure they wouldn’t win it, but that didn’t stop him from hoping. And when he was proven right it didn’t bother him much. However, soon after it was time for the other award and his energy dipped even further.

Kendall suddenly gripped his hand tight in hers and turned her head to look at him. They had a brief moment and it was like without words they comforted each other. Both of them relaxed a little more, but their hands still gripped one another’s fiercely.

The nominees felt like they were being announced slower than the rest, but Yoongi kept his face cool. Cameras were definitely on them and he couldn’t let them try to gauge what he was feeling. But after what felt like an eternity, he felt his resolve slipping, only to hear their names being called as the winners. Shock hit him hard.

Yoongi stood immediately and was pulled into the embrace of the other boys, but his hand still never left Kendall’s. That’s when he noticed that she was still sitting and processing. After a few seconds she also stood and accepted the boy’s affections before they were led up to the stage.

Since he was clearly the more present of the two, he took the moment to speak.

“Whoa, I didn’t think we’d get this. I come into every award situation hoping but making sure that I don’t think I’m going to. It does not keep me from being a little disappointed when it doesn’t happen, much like earlier, but it makes it easier. But my goodness does this make up for it. Me and my brothers couldn’t win tonight as a team, but this win is for me and them as they have been with me throughout my journey as I grew as a producer. And of course, it’s for the lovely Kendall who has cemented herself as someone passionate about her craft and has been able to do what she loves for years now. Who has also helped me push to be better at what I do and pushes herself to do the same. Without any of them I wouldn’t be standing here thinking this award is going to vanish from my hands at any moment.”

Yoongi’s voice got a bit shaky towards the end, but he tried to play it off with laughter. By the time he was done Kendall had calmed herself and wiped free the stray tears. Yoongi stood back from the mic and let her talk.

“Thank goodness for Yoongi or I wouldn’t have had time to stall and pull it together. This is just so freaking cool and though it’s never been a goal or specific want of mine like it has been his I still am so grateful. I don’t ever think I’ll win or be awarded things, so it’s always the biggest shock in the world when I do. And I wouldn’t be here without having people believe in me achieving things like this. Without people not brushing me off and actually listening to what I have to say or show them. Without a mother who knocked sense into me when I thought pursuing multiple creative passions was a pipe dream. Or without friends who challenge me even when I think I’ve found what works best for me. Or without Yoongi, who is someone willing to take my bullshit and give it back tenfold. It really does take a village and I couldn’t be more thankful for mine. Thank you.”

At some point she’d reached her hand back to take Yoongi’s and once she finished her speech, he squeezed it tight. With that done there was another round of applause and they were taken backstage. They took a few photos and then the BigHit staff took the awards from them so they could finish out the night.

And if anyone thought they were clingy before; they hadn’t seen anything.

From the moment they got back to their seats - after a round of congratulations from everyone around them - they were inseparable. Even as they went through some exit interviews and made their way to an after party.

They were just so happy and so free of inhibitions that there were probably multiple videos of them a little drunk, singing and dancing along to the music a little aggressively. They also kept making out and had to be reminded they were in public.

But that didn’t matter much to them. They’d achieved a great thing, were in a wonderful place relationship wise, and simply happy in life. Not to mention so in love that it didn’t matter if they were being a mess and ended up circulating stan twitter for their antics. Their feelings are what mattered most.

And they felt on top of the world.

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abigailnussbaum · 4 years

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Legends of Tomorrow, Season 5

I was going to write weekly reviews of this season, and then with one thing and another ended up dropping it in the spring (hey, remember when there was so much weekly TV that you couldn’t keep up with all your shows? Wonder how long it’ll be before that happens again). I caught up with the entire season this weekend, and honestly, that feels like a better standpoint from which to write about it - I think if I’d stuck with weekly reviews, I would have ended up saying the same thing week after week.

A couple of years ago, Emily VanDerWerff suggested that there is a standard lifecycle for high-concept, large ensemble, off-the-wall genre shows:

Season 1: still figuring this whole thing out

Season 2: now we’re cooking with oil

Season 3: we can do anything!

Season 4: whoops, no, we’ve gotten a bit over our skis here

Season 5: ???

Legends, I think, encapsulates this progression to a T. The show’s second and third seasons were some of the best and most exciting genre storytelling on television, but last year was a bit of a mess. That’s not entirely the writers’ fault - Nick Zano’s limited availability due to family obligations forced them to beef up the Time Bureau’s role in the season, and their desire to keep Maisie Richardson-Sellers on board even after Amaya’s story had wrapped up led them to create a character, Charlie, who had no real reason for being on the Waverider. But a lot of it was self-inflicted. The cast was too unwieldy, the Time Bureau story seemed designed to expose the thin spots in the show’s self-presentation as irreverent but fundamentally compassionate (it certainly didn’t help that the decision to rewrite Nate Sr. into a good guy was made almost at the last minute, requiring the entirely unconvincing argument that forcing magical creatures to perform in a circus act is somehow morally superior to forcing them to be secret agents), and some of the character choices felt entirely parachuted in (Zari/Nate, anyone?).

Season five, therefore, had a lot of clean up work to do, while also demonstrating that the Legends formula had more life in it than just those two transcendent early seasons. And while this is undeniably a more successful, more enjoyable season than the one preceding it (which also does a great deal to address some of the show’s structural issues, chiefly the overlarge cast), I also can’t help but notice that instead of finding new places for the show to go, what the fifth season delivers instead is a hodgepodge of story elements from seasons two and three. So we’ve got a mystical object that can rewrite reality (The Loom of Fate vs. season two′s The Spear of Destiny); a token hunt across time and space in which the Legends face off against the estranged relatives of one of their members (the totems in season three vs. the search for the pieces of the loom, Amaya’s evil granddaughter vs. Charlie’s evil sisters); a late season loss that forces our characters into a nightmarish alternate reality in which they don’t even remember who they are (the Legion of Evil rewriting the Legends’ lives to make them ordinary and unsatisfying vs. being stuck in TV shows in a world run by the Fates); which comes about because of a betrayal by a member of the team (Charlie in season five, Mick in season two) whose eventual return to the fold enables to Legends to win in the end. There’s even an abandoned, abused girl who has turned evil, and has to be won back to the side of good through the offer of true companionship and understanding (Nora Darhk vs. Astra Logue).

This isn’t exactly a bad thing - a lot of these storytelling beats cut to the very core of what Legends is and what makes it work, so it’s not necessarily wrong for the show to repeat them. And even if the basic structure is the same, Legends just keeps getting more adventurous in how it delivers that structure. I’ve already written about how well done the season’s mockumentary episode was, and the same can be said for the 80s slasher movie riff, the Mr. Rogers parody, and of course, “The One Where We’re Trapped on TV”. Like the multiple universe episode in season four, these are things the show couldn’t have done when it was just a few seasons old, and they’re proof that whatever other issues it has, Legends is constantly pushing the envelope in terms of the kind of tropes and genres it can graft onto a superhero template. That said, there’s a very real possibility that this is all the show will ever be - a standard story template, enlivened by increasingly gonzo riffs on existing tropes.

Some more thoughts on where the season worked and where it didn’t below.

THE GOOD:

I really hated the decision to make Nora a fairy godmother in season four, not least because it felt like yet another way of infantilizing her (it certainly didn’t help that it was a choice she was forced into, and that she spent the remainder of the season catering to the every whim of Gary, a character I still have very mixed feelings towards). But season five really reclaims that choice. Having Nora embrace the fairy godmother life as a way of both helping children and working through her own issues makes a lot of sense, and the character feels happier and more confident than we’ve ever seen her (certainly a step up from how gloomy she was last season). I even like the wardrobe change - once the fairy godmother dress was ditched except for specific occasions, having Nora dress all in teal is a nice touch, and certainly an improvement over her rather boring season four wardrobe. I still think Legends missed a lot in how it handled Nora last season (I will never stop being annoyed that she and Sara didn’t develop a deeper friendship, given how similar their life trajectories have been), but this was a good way of righting the ship, even in a very limited timeframe.

I already mentioned this in the episode review, but watching the rest of the season really cemented my admiration for how quickly the show embeds Behrad into the crew, and makes it feel as if he’s always been there. That’s all the more impressive given that Behrad doesn’t really get an arc in season five. Most of that storytelling energy goes to establish Zari 2.0, and Behrad is, of course, absent for much of the latter half of the season. And yet he feels almost instantly like a fully-rounded character who is integral to the show, so much so that you’re heartbroken by his death (and convinced that it will be rolled back, even though Zari could easily take over his superpower). That’s really excellent work by both the writers and Shayan Sobhian.

I was a bit nervous when Zari 2.0 was introduced, because replacing a heroic, cool-girl-coded, nobly self-sacrificing character with a version of herself who is extremely femme-coded and obsessed with things like fashion and social media is the sort of move that is ripe for easy misogynistic point-scoring in the guise of feminism - of course the Zari who is good with machines and eats donuts is superior to the one who has a perfume line and spends hours in the bathroom every morning! But the show very quickly established that Zari, though certainly not without her flaws, is awesome in any guise, and it did so without trying to change her into “our” Zari, eventually even establishing that they are two completely different people, each with a right to exist (though not simultaneously, unfortunately). I get why the show didn’t keep both Zaris around - it would be asking a lot of Tala Ashe to play two characters, much of the time against herself, not to mention a production nightmare - but I appreciate that it didn’t decide that Zari 2.0 was the lesser version. (Also a nice touch: Behrad, though obviously fond of Zari 1.0, doesn’t think of her as “his” sister, even though to us she’s the “real” version of the character.)

Similarly, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect when Ava moved to the Waverider full time - obviously, it would be an improvement on her playing a tinpot fascist at the Time Bureau while the show pretended that this wouldn’t really bother Sara, but at the same time Sara and Ava are both so similar in their functions and abilities that I worried they’d step on each other’s shoes. Instead, the show leaned into their differences and made the season about Ava finding her place as captain of the Waverider, a role she fills in very different ways than Sara while still doing a good job at it. It also allowed her to expand her point of view a little - bonding with Zari 2.0, or reaching out to Astra, both things that would have been outside of her comfort zone in the past. Obviously, this is setup for Ava taking over as captain in season six now that Sara has been abducted (though I hope not for very long - Legends isn’t Legends without Sara), but good on the show for taking the time to bring Ava to a point where she’s ready for this, and in a different way from Sara.

And speaking of looking ahead, the show takes the wise step of thinning out its cast. Personally, I would have kept Ray, Nora, and Mona and written off Constantine and Nate (and possibly also Gary), but either way, it’s good that the writers realized their cast was getting unwieldy. I was concerned, for example, that the show figuring out what to do with Charlie and giving her an elaborate backstory was a sign that she would stay on, but instead she leaves once that story is resolved. And I think that in an earlier season, Astra would have been positioned to stay on the Waverider after the end of the season, but instead she’s clearly a one-off character, who goes off to live her own life once the show has brought her story to a satisfying conclusion. (This also, however, means that Legends has written off two black women in a single season, not to mention Mona, and in fact has only one WOC main character remaining; I hope that’s something season six addresses.)

THE BAD:

I realize that I am very much in the minority on this, but I’m sorry: John Constantine does not belong on Legends of Tomorrow, and certainly not as a main character. Season five feels, in fact, like a perfect demonstration of this simple truth. The early parts of the season feel like two different shows, the Legends show and the Constantine show, that happen to have some points of intersection and shared characters. And even once those storylines converge, it’s notable how John’s quest for the Loom of Fate very quickly becomes Astra’s quest for it, and then Charlie’s, and how they both feel more grounded in that story and more affected by it than he was. What it comes down to, once again, is that John Constantine is a character who can’t change, and putting him on a show that is all about change and growth can’t help but feel unsatisfying for both the character and the show. Season five tries to suggest that change is possible for him - he finally comes clean with Astra and make a real apology to her; he admits that his pursuit of magic has cost him relationships and a chance at happiness; he reaches out to his friends when he thinks his life is about to end; he even quits smoking. But the character just doesn’t have that much give in it. To be John Constantine, he has to be the cynical, arrogant, self-destructive fuck-up we’ve always known. On a show like Legends of Tomorrow, that can work in small doses, but not as the main character that Constantine has been positioned as.

Though I’m glad that the show figured out something to do with Charlie before writing her off, the similarities between her story and Mick’s can’t help but shed a light on how poorly thought out this character has been, and how much her season five story is parachuted in. When Mick betrays the team at the end of season two, it’s barely a season after they’d put him off the ship for being perennially untrustworthy, leading to him becoming their nemesis. They only take him back out of pity for the decades of torture he suffered, and sympathy for the loss of his only friend, Captain Cold. His betrayal is a direct outcome of those cracks in the relationship - he does it because he wants to live in a world where he hasn’t been hurt or hurt others, and where his friend is still alive. When he changes his mind at the end of the season, it’s a culmination of two seasons of character growth, the realization that holding on to the pain in his life is worth it if it means he gets to keep the friendships he formed on the Waverider, and to continue to grow as a person - as expressed by his choice to put Snart back in his timeline, where he will become a better person (and eventually inspire Mick to do the same) but will also die. Charlie’s very similar storyline just doesn’t have this kind of depth. Neither her heel turn nor her face turn feel particularly earned, and a lot of that has to do with the fact that it took the writers so long to figure out who this character even was.

For a season of Legends, this was an awfully heteronormative stretch of episodes. Sure, Sara and Ava are still center stage, and that’s fantastic. But every other romantic relationship in the season, and there are quite a few of them, is a straight one. You might blame this on the fact that season five is a housecleaning season, wrapping up dangling storylines like Ray/Nora or Nate/Zari. But even the new characters like Behrad or Lita express only opposite-sex attraction (I guess Astra never demonstrates a preference). I mean, if you give John Constantine two different love interests in a single season and they’re both women, surely something has gone terribly wrong?

And speaking of John Constantine’s love interests, is putting him together with Zari meant to make the old her’s romance with Nate look organic and true to the characters in comparison? Because I can’t think of another reason for it. Do not want.

THE UGLY:

Words cannot express how much I hate the Damien Darhk episode. Not all of it, obviously - the Mr. Rogers riff, as I said, is pretty good (and pays off handsomely later in the season), and pretty much all the Ray/Nora stuff, especially the moment where she realizes she’s not going to lie to her father about the man she loves and the life she’s chosen, are golden. But it is simply mind-boggling that after two seasons in which Nora was firmly established as the survivor of a lifetime of abuse, Legends takes an entire hour to not only rehabilitate Damien, but pretend that he was always a loving father who just made some mistakes. For crying out loud, the man fed his daughter to a demon in order to gain power for himself. It was always an interesting wrinkle in his character that he clearly saw himself as a loving, protective parent, and was even capable of some level of self-sacrifice on Nora’s behalf, but I had assumed that the show realized this was at least partly a self-serving lie. To discover that we’re actually meant to think that one act of sacrifice cancels out a lifetime of abuse is nauseating. I wanted Nora to stand up to her father, but as a victim calling out her abuser, not a loving daughter trying to renegotiate a relationship with an overprotective parent. It certainly doesn’t help that the episode features inexplicably popular wedding story tropes, such as the groom asking the bride’s father for permission to marry her, or the father trying to keep the couple from physical intimacy before the wedding, which are gross in any context but especially so here. I suppose in the end it’s all worth it to be rid of Damien once and for all, but I was squirming with discomfort and rage throughout the entire episode.

#legends of tomorrow

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emma-nation · 5 years

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Within You - Bloodbound AU - Chapter 4

Summary: One year after defeating Gaius, the gang has finally found peace… Until a tragic incident awakens the ultimate and most dangerous threat they ever faced.

Genre: Angst/Adventure/Romance

Rating: T - Warning for violence and language

Notes:

- Sequel to the fics For You, In The Daylight and Without You. You can read all of them here.

-FINALLY! 😂 My apologies for taking longer than expected to update. I blame my screwed up love life and all the people who contributed for this mess.

- NSFW alert!

Tag List: @supersphynxsworld, @lightning-fury, @spacecarrousel, @tigerbryn11, @gavryllo, @annabellewerecorgi, @whoinvitedalx, @sheyah, @imnotdonewiththeelementalists, @scaryqueenbee, @bigmemesplz, @la-guerra-69, @kamilahsayeed-owns-me, @morvengarde, @tephy24, @iam-the-fuckin-queen, @voltos9, @scorpistraub, @leavemeandmyshipsalone, @jen825, @andreear17, @justejuste727, @aureliaxj, @graceschoices, @sleeping-with-her06, @mrskamilxh, @msuhailey, @zoe6111, @noodledragon22, @tigerbryn11, @shanuuh, @ilovetaylor13m, @ilovekamilahsayeed, @allaboutchoices, @fal-carrington, @scarlet-letter-a0114

Amy

Life as a vampire was even better than Amy expected. In only three days she was adjusting perfectly. She no longer had problems to feed from volunteers and she was getting really good at controlling her senses.

The best part was that she and Kamilah were closer than ever. Kamilah was planning to introduce her to the other members of Clan Sayeed during a party. She was also a rigid, but patient teacher, who loved to reward Amy greatly for her accomplishments.

The rewards. They made all the effort worthy. Like in that exact moment in the shower, where Amy was being rewarded for controlling her super strength so well.

Kamilah was on her knees, pleasing her with her mouth. Amy opened her eyes, appreciating the view for a moment, before reaching climax.

"Oh my god," she screamed, "Kamilah!"

"Shhhh," Kamilah silenced her with a kiss, her tongue gliding over hers, giving Amy a taste of her own pleasure. "The neighbors must be tired of hearing my name. It's all they have listened coming from this penthouse for the last three days."

Amy laughed, blushing a little bit in embarrassment.

Kamilah turned around, letting water pour over her smooth brown hair and her perfect skin, which drove Amy wild. She embraced her from behind, letting her hands travel all over her wet body.

"Amy..." Kamilah moaned.

As her hands reached her she wanted her the most, Amy used her psychic powers to connect her mind to Kamilah's. She absolutely enjoyed doing that trick. It felt like she and her wife were only one. She could feel everything she was feeling, sense all her bliss and hear part of her thoughts.

Right now she desired one particular thing. Amy let her fangs descend, biting Kamilah's neck in a sensual and soft manner. Thought she was the one touching Kamilah and tasting her blood, Amy also reached ecstasy when her wife did, due to the link between their minds.

"Okay," Kamilah placed one last kiss on her lips, "I'll get dressed now. Serafine will be here at any moment."

Amy huffed and rolled her eyes. Bringing that woman from France was completely unnecessary. If only Lysimachus agreed to debrief Katherine himself. Her presence would only ruin the moment they were living.

Deep down, she knew there were second intentions behind her visit. Her friends thought Serafine could assist her with her new powers, but she had everything under control. Sometimes she'd accidentally access random memories, but nothing she couldn't handle. And since her accident, she had never seen that mysterious vampire woman again.

Amy closed her eyes, letting the water fall on her shoulders. There was no reason to worry. She was Kamilah's wife. Serafine was only a past affair. She opened her eyes again, noticing blood was dripping from somewhere, getting mixed with the water pooled on the floor.

"What..."

She searched all over hear body, unable to find where she was bleeding from. Then she looked at her hands, they were completely covered in blood. She rubbed them harder and harder with a sponge, but they wouldn't get cleaned. The blood only intensified.

Amy turned off the shower and went to the sink, while she uselessly tried to wash her hands, the view on the mirror scared her more than anything...

Her eyes were red and her fangs exposed, even thought she couldn't feel them at the moment. Her body was completely covered in blood. And in her hands she had Kamilah's dagger.

Although she couldn't see it, she knew. She knew she had just killed her. Her own wife.

"No!" She cried. "I didn't do it. I didn't..."

The sound of the bell ringing pulled her back to reality. There wasn't a single trait of blood on the floor or over her body.

"Amy," Kamilah shouted from the bedroom. "Serafine is here."

Amy took one relieved breath, knowing it was only another scary vision.

----------

Kamilah

Even after living for over two millennia, traveling to so many different places and knowing the most diverse cultures, Kamilah couldn't help feeling strange when Serafine greeted her with a kiss on each cheek. Maybe because she knew how Amy was jealous of her past lover, or because she had gotten too used with the American lifestyle.

"So ma chérie, where's Amy?" She asked, while Kamilah served her a glass of wine.

"She's getting dressed," Kamilah started wondering why was it taking so long though. "She will be joining us in a minute."

"What about her visions? Are they under control?"

"Apparently, yes. Now she's a vampire she has more abilities to explore and this is what I want you to help her with."

"It'll be a honor."

Amy arrived in the living room only a couple of minutes later. For some reason, Kamilah noticed a hint of distress in her behavior.

"Serafine, hi," Amy kissed both of the French vampires cheeks back. "I'm sorry, I was taking a shower and kinda lost track of time."

"No worries, ma chérie," Serafine smiled. "Sit down here, Kamilah told me you're a vampire now. With psychic powers?"

They engaged in a conversation. Amy seemed to be more relaxed and comfortable in her presence. There was no jealousy in the tone of her voice.

Suddenly, they stopped. Only exchanging looks and giggling. Kamilah furrowed her brows confused.

"What are you two doing?" She asked.

"Having a mind to mind conversation," Amy told, still laughing. "Serafine was telling some stories about your past."

"Great, I'm in trouble. Am I not?"

"Don't worry, Kamilah," Serafine assured. "I'm only telling her about your bravery acts. Like the night you helped a group of newly-Turned vampires to escape from the Order."

Kamilah gave her a small smile. For some particular reasons, she liked to avoid some memories from her past. Not even Amy knew much about her past. Kamilah feared it'd cause her fear or disgust. That was the main motive she brought Serafine from France, she didn't want her wife going in and out of her mind whenever they had an intimate moment.

"Let's see what you can do," Serafine grabbed Amy's hands. "Get in my mind, I'll get in yours."

"Okay."

For a second, Kamilah noticed as Amy's eyes went wide in fear and she showed signs of discomfort.

"I-I can't..." she released Serafine's hands. "I'm not being able to get in your mind right now, I'm sorry."

"Oh, ma chérie. Come here, let's try again. It takes some practice."

"Actually," Amy stood up from the couch, "my cell phone is ringing. It must be Lily, I'll answer in the bedroom."

"Weird," Kamilah thought. Until before Serafine's arrival, Amy was using her psychic powers to increase pleasure while they were having sex. What she had done multiple times since she discovered what she was capable of.

"Serafine, did you see anything inside Amy's mind? Like you did, the other time?"

"No, but know what is strange? It was all dark, as if she was protecting her thoughts."

She asked Serafine to speak to her brother. She had to check on Amy, they still had some time before the Council meeting Lysimachus requested started.

Amy was lying on their bed, with her phone in hands and an upset look on her face.

"Hey," Kamilah sat right beside her. "Are you okay? Did you see anything bad in Serafine's mind?"

"No," Amy shook her head. "I... I only noticed how uncomfortable you were to know she was sharing stories about your past. You don't like talking about it."

The girl sat down and wrapped her arms tightly around Kamilah's neck. She could swear she was about to cry.

"I promise I'll never see any parts of your past without your permission. I love you, okay? I'd never do anything to hurt you."

"I know. I love you too."

There was something wrong about her wife again. And the same bad feeling Kamilah had before their accident started to bother her again.

----------

Lysimachus

In front of a mirror, Lysimachus touched the exact place where he had been injured in the previous night. He had never been so close to death before.

Erik Balthazar. Or Xenocrates. That man was not only the head of the Order Of Dawn, but the First Son. He lived with the First Vampire. He was close to her. He knew where her body could be and possibly a way to stop her.

Yet, he had no time to obtain those information. That man was completely blinded with hate. Hate for his own kind. The only moment where the hate disappeared from his eyes was when he was staring at his cell phone screen. In that moment he seemed to be consumed by fear.

"You've woken the beast. Now you'll deal with the consequences."

Those words, full of desperation, wouldn't stop echoing inside his mind. He needed to share it with someone or it'd drive him crazy.

He was getting dressed for the Council meeting he requested when somebody rang the bell. Opening the door, he was face to face with Serafine Dupont. He told her to wait. Katherine was an issue for another day. She was no longer staying in his apartment. He could barely remember in which hotel she was staying.

At Raines Corporation, Kamilah was the first one to notice he was unwell.

"What happened?" She asked, in the same motherly manner she always treated him. "You look pale, brother."

"I'll tell when everyone is here," he told.

And there was Amy, who seemed to have strong psychic abilities. Stronger than his, or Serafine's, or Jameson's. He greeted his sister-in-law with a nod. She was still new at this. She could easily end up in his thoughts by accident.

When the rest of the members arrived, Kamilah opened the meeting as usual and passed him the word.

"The reason why I requested this meeting is," he started. "I've discovered who was behind Katherine, interested in the results Adrian obtained about the Tree's blood."

He first told them about Erik Balthazar, the head of the Order Of Dawn.

"I should've imagined," Adrian said. "The Tree was inside one of their buildings."

"It's not only that," Lysimachus told. "We knew nothing about who he truly was. He was Xenocrates, the First Son."

Everybody stared at him in silence, stunned by the revelation.

"Well," Kamilah angered, "you said 'was', so I assume he won't be causing us any more trouble."

"Yes, he's gone."

"You've killed him?" Jax asked. "Was he so strong as Gaius?"

"Though he was weakened by the lack of blood he consumed, he was almost as strong as Gaius."

He looked at Priya, who was frowning at him, as if she expected recognition for what she did.

"As for killing him," Lysimachus continued. "You should thank Priya. She saved my life. Our lives."

A victorious grin appeared on the fashion designer's face. After the second most shocking revelation of the night, he proceeded:

"Before dying, Xenocrates started acting weirdly. He stared at his cell phone screen and screamed something about how we've woken a beast and the consequences it would bring us. He was very disturbed. In panic, I'd say."

Everyone was so confused as he was. They had no idea what the First Son could be talking about. Kamilah told them to stay alert. Adrian suspected he could have sent his troops to attack them. Amy was the only one who seemed to understand his feelings, for some reason.

"Hey, Amy," he spoke to her outside. "I saw your face inside the room. Kamilah told me about your intense psychic powers, have you had any visions or anything?'

"Uhhh no," she took some time to answer. "It was just the tension of the moment. No big deal."

Lysimachus could swear she was hiding something behind that forced smile. He was about to walk back home when a hand touched his shoulder.

"Not that I care," Priya shrugged, "but are you okay? I mean, you almost kissed the death's ass last night."

"I'll be," he answered.

She was following the opposite direction when a thought occurred him. How much of his conversation with Xenocrates she had listened? Could she have seen anything on the man's cell phone screen?

"Priya, wait. Are you up for a drink?"

----------

Amy

The day Amy had been waiting anxiously had finally arrived. Her first combat training session with Kamilah. She woke up very early in the morning, showered and picked a special gym outfit. Then she went to the kitchen to prepare a special breakfast for them.

All those fears and insecurities about her visions had disappeared. After she refrained herself from using her psychic powers for a few days, no more creepy visions happened. Maybe the overuse, especially for certain purposes, had caused that terrifying episode in the bathroom.

"What is that all about?" Kamilah asked when she appeared in the kitchen and kissed her forehead. "Any special occasion?"

"Come on," Amy smiled. She knew her wife was teasing her. "Don't say you've forgotten! It's my first combat training session with you."

"How could I? It's all you've been talking about since you woke up as a vampire."

"Of course, I can't wait to be so awesome and skilled as you."

"You'll have a long way there, my love."

When they arrived at Ahmanet Financial, Kamilah guided her to her personal elevator and then to the basement. Amy knew she had training gyms in all her offices around the world, but she was never allowed to visit them before. Kamilah always trained all by herself.

"Whoa," Amy observed her surroundings, "this is awesome."

Kamilah had many different weapons and objects used to exercising.

"I know," a proud smirk appeared on her wife's face. "Before we start, I'd like to give you something."

She handed Amy a small box, containing a pair of daggers very similar to hers. The girl took them in her hands and examined, admired.

"I've been wanting to give you these for a long time, but I decided to wait until you were Turned."

"I loved it, Kamilah. Will we be training with them?"

"Not yet," Kamilah sighed and went back to her teacher attitude. "You've got a lot to learn before that. We'll start with the basics."

They started small, Kamilah corrected her posture and taught her the right manners of successfully landing punches and kicks to the opponent. She also taught her how to deflect blows, disarm the enemy and use her vampire speed in advantage.

"Very well, Amy," she told, noticing how exhausted Amy seemed. "I think we've had a good start."

"No," Amy insisted. "I'm ready for more."

"If you insist, why don't you try to hit me then? One blow and we're done for today."

One blow. Kamilah said that because it was an impossible task to achieve. She'd deflect each one of Amy's attempts, when she didn't disappear around the room, making it impossible to even spot her.

"I can't..." Amy complained between pants. "You're too skilled for me..."

"I can't take easy on you," Kamilah stopped in front of her. Amy was surprised how she didn't look any tired. "Your enemies won't make it easy."

"Maybe I should find someone of my level for a start. Lily or Jax maybe."

"If you want to, but you should look for someone who is committed to your training. Those two could easily turn this into a game or a joke."

Amy let out a laugh.

"What?" Kamilah asked.

"Nothing. It's just you look sexy when you act this serious."

Kamilah rolled her eyes. The moment was interrupted by the elevator doors opening and revealing an unexpected guest.

"What are you doing here?" Kamilah frowned.

"I had nothing to do at Raines' company," Katherine answered, "so I came here to check on baby vamp here."

She walked in Amy's direction, with that challenging look she always carried around. That gave Amy an idea.

"Hi Katherine," she said. "Baby vamp here is okay. I was just wondering, Lysimachus told me you have some mad fighting skills."

"Trust me, you don't wanna see what these sai can do."

"Trust me, I do. I'm looking for a training partner, someone of my level."

"Wait," Katherine broke into a laugh. "Do you think I'm your level?"

"Then," Amy's eyes went red and she placed herself in a fight position. "Why don't you show me?"

"Amy, no," Kamilah interrupted. "This is a stupid idea. I don't trust her at all."

Katherine sighed and handed her the pair of sai.

"No more weapons?"

"No, except for myself."

Katherine joined Amy in the fight position, but waited for her to attack first. Though she was a mortal, she was handling the combat very well. Amy was also able to deflect her blows and test her new abilities.

"I have an idea," she thought.

Using Kamilah's previous lessons, she was able to almost disappear in the room, becoming almost undetectable, especially for a human. Katherine looked around, confused, trying to spot her. Amy landed right on her chest, pinning her to the mat.

"Ha! Gotcha!"

As the Nighthunter struggled to set herself free, Amy noticed the rune on her ring started to glow. Katherine gazed into her eyes for a moment, before letting a terrified scream.

"Get off me!" She yelled, repeatedly. "Get off me, demon!"

Using a hidden blade she carried on her sleeve, she stabbed Amy right in the stomach. She fell on the floor, squirming in pain.

"Hey!" Kamilah's eyes went red in anger. "What have you done?! I said no weapons!"

Katherine wouldn't listen. Disturbed as she was, she disappeared in the elevator.

The wound on Amy's stomach slowly stared to heal, but it hurt really badly. Now she was a vampire every pain was amplified.

"Amy, are you okay?" Kamilah approached to examine her.

"I'll be," the girl told.

"What the hell was that?"

"I have no idea."

A strange feeling appeared on Amy's mind. A sensation that, somehow, Katherine was able to dive in her deepest secrets.

----------

Lysimachus

That was the first time they were alone together, since Kamilah's wedding. The first time they could be talking like two civilized people. Lysimachus took Priya to the same club they used to meet when he first arrived in New York, as a vampire hunter. One of her favorite clubs.

"This place is decadent," Priya complained. "Like you."

She grinned. Lysimachus sighed, ignoring the attempt of an insult. He was still disturbed by the latest events. He ordered drinks for them both. Some alcohol could help him to enlighten his thoughts.

"So, how have you been?" He politely asked.

"Drop dead gorgeous, my new lines are always trending and my face has been everywhere."

Same old Priya. He wondered what would be the best manner to bring up the subject.

"Priya, the other night at the restaurant. How much of my conversation with Balthazar did you listen?"

Priya was thoughtful for a moment, trying to remember.

"Like I said, I predicted you'd do something stupid. I followed you to the restaurant, paid for the VIP room next to yours... I saw as you kicked the guards asses and everything. So pretty much the whole thing."

Lysimachus swallowed his whole drink in one sip. It burned down his throat, but he needed that. He needed to be prepared to repeat those words.

"You've woken the beast. Now you'll deal with the consequences," he said. "What do you think he could be talking about?"

"Oh come on, Hunter," Priya whined. "The old rag was babbling a bunch of non-sense! Don't tell me you're scared?"

"Not scared, concerned about our future. Did you happen to see anything on his cell phone screen before he destroyed it?"

"Not much. I got a glimpse, it looked like... a tree?"

Lysimachus showed her a picture of the Tree Of Eternal Life. Priya confirmed, it was the same one from Balthazar's phone. Yet, it made no sense. He couldn't connect the dots to discover what could be a potential harm.

In the morning, he woke up sweaty and shaking. Nightmares about Gaius, Xenocrates, the Tree and... something else. Something that was foggy on his memories. He checked his phone and Katherine had texted.

"I need to talk to you urgently. It's about Amy."

"You're all in danger."

"What the..."

Lysimachus quickly showered and left for the address she left written in a piece of paper. As he arrived at her hotel room, somebody else was there. Serafine Dupont.

"Serafine, where's Katherine?" He asked. "I need to speak to her."

"Unfortunately you're late, mon chérie," she told. "Kamilah asked me to follow her. She was too disturbed. I caught her by surprise and debriefed her. She's on her way back to New Orleans."

"Fuck!"

Now he'd no longer know what she had to tell him. He couldn't even say goodbye.

"What happened?"

"She had something important to tell me. About Amy."

"Well," Serafine took a deep breath, "I believe she has seen the same thing I did. The darkness."

Lysimachus looked at her in a mix of confusion and shock.

"What?!"

----------

Kamilah

Kamilah sighed deeply and glanced at her wife, who was now sharing the office with her. Amy was far from happy. Her expression suggested annoyance and boredom at the same time.

"It's so unfair!" She complained, playing with a pen in her hands. "I just want my position back."

"Patience," Kamilah told. "It's temporary."

The incident with Katherine, a few days earlier, let Amy's emotions out of control. Kamilah shouldn't have trusted her word when she guaranteed she was completely fine. It was almost at the end of the shift when Amy and another member of the marketing department were taken to her office.

"You did what?!" Kamilah asked, raising her voice.

"I punched him in the face," Amy told, as if her action was absolutely natural. "Come on, he suggested you only gave me my position because I'm your wife!"

"They said you also broke the conference table. And threw somebody's phone out of the window."

"I did, I'm sorry. Wait, you're not firing me, are you?"

Kamilah had no other choice but keeping her away from her job for a while. Until she was completely settled with her new life.

"It has been a week and I managed my anger very well," Amy attempted to convince her. As usual she was doing the puppy dog eyes. This time the trick wouldn't work though.

"You broke your video game controller," Kamilah remembered. "And expressed your wishes to stab Serafine."

"Kamilah, I lost that match in the very last second! And Serafine was obviously hitting on you when she sent that text with so many heart emojis. Can't you see that?"

"Honestly? No," Kamilah knew what she had to do. She approached Amy and massaged her shoulders. "In truth, I only have eyes for one woman."

"I know that," Amy relaxed and smiled. "I trust you. I don't trust her."

"Silly girl."

Her assistant interrupted their moment to tell the candidates for Amy's position were ready to be interviewed. One by one they entered the office answering questions and showing their resumes and skills. Nobody seemed to be qualified enough.

"It's a sign," Amy said. "You should just return it to me."

Kamilah was ready to throw the towel and admit she was right. The door opened again and her assistant returned.

"Mrs. Sayeed? There's one more candidate. She got a little bit late."

"Let her in. I've wasted a lot of time, a few more minutes won't make any difference."

Only a few seconds later, another woman entered the room. She had dark brown hair, brown eyes and a tanned skin. Looking at her, Kamilah feel a sensation she had never felt before. She was drawn to her. Completely.

She quickly stood up and smiled, offering her hand to be shaken.

"It's a pleasure to have you here, Ms..."

"Rheya," the woman shook her hand and smiled back. "Rheya Apostolous."

#bloodbound #kamilah sayeed #kamilah x mc #playchoices #choices stories you play #bloodbound fanfiction #within you

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