#writing zilch and being really sad about it

[rowanisawriter]

100 stories on ao3 🎉🎊

i just posted my 100th story on ao3 so you know what time it is now… yeah it’s yapping time….. here are a few fics i’ve written recently that i’m really excited about:

possibility - (ace attorney) post divorce beach trip fic where two annoying lawyers are forced to discuss their last hook up, featuring co parenting and court arguments but they’re in a beach house

novel - (hades) zagreus is a bored olympian who learns he can die and starts doing it for fun, which is not fun for thanatos who keeps showing up to collect his soul, featuring copious amounts of ambrosia like so much ambrosia

legacy - (iliad) the trojan war if it was a formula one championship race, featuring perpetually stressed team manager odysseus and shithead achilles storming off the track and burrito-ing in his room

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

yippie!!

ok so one day i was hangin out and thinking about how jinx and murie are both my favourite little sad wet guys in my two fave medias of all ever *And* at the same time SO far apart on the spectrum personalitywise

and it took me listening to this to flip the switch on the Autism Blender and want to just fucking mash them together like a coked up toddler making Slime out of fish guts and hayao miyazakis mothers ashes because thats what i do thats my job💅👌so theeeen it comes out pretty reminiscent of my first muriel au that also sprung up from a song i like, just- a bit to the left? like, moving along on the scale from The OG not liking violence and being involved in it whatsoever, to AU 1 where i pictured him going "yeah ok fuck it this is what i do i guess" and revengy motives to his whole thing that i now connected with him more thru the song lmao it just made me realize the vision of like. jinxies "murderingmurderinmurdering 💕fun✨" aspect + his potential desire to still do good things despite being doomed to be a machine made for destruction (ignore the fact of that desire being nonexistent in his canon form because of how he perceives himself as a thing unable to achieve performing any good ever under any circumstance) (but still refusing to actively cause harm as he isolates himself to prevent any situations arising that would lead him to do so) (ignore all that) (were yassifying him a little were allowed its fine ive already lost the plot here anyway were wildin) so a vigilanty type beat and also ~my axe is my buddy🥰 we both cry with the trees😔✊ /me & my axe will bring the devil to his knees (✿◕‿◕ )~ goes hard as phUCK

so then all that led to This new V.3 mutation where hed be actually having fun with it........ so I kinda start turning him over in my brain some more, forgetting about jink by now and at first I go Huh this is kinda. him but lucioey a lil bit. and THEN i go hm. Well this ground is awful soft n ready to dig

so with all that out of the way i can now present!: Brand New Vague Shadow of a Concept of an Idea that ill Never Do Anything with

and I really don’t know how to verbalize this very well at all mmjfdh but like. Ok bulletpoints activate

Muriel:

From a badass warrior tribe

Didn’t get booted out cuz theyre fine this time oopsie no genocide

Hes in there way chillin way awesome way good at fighting everybody loves him

Hes like. Way himboey in this one. SO jock. Smiles a lot <3 <3 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Like okay if i was actually serious about writing this I think id need a fucking lucio consultant because I really know zilch about that bitch but like okay you know how lucios kinda all scary n cunty and cunning and fancy and seems like hes got shit figured out. Until he *starts talking*? Muriel here is like that but hes just really fucking scary until he starts talking BUT not like normally where hes adorable just has resting bitch face, its just like. that part of him that came thru in the reversed ending at the very end, yknow. but make it less depressing ihjhsrfbjs hes like full letterman jacket highschool bully core total kurt & ram vibe, like ok youd see him on a battlefield ABsolutely WRECKIng some fools into a pulp with his bare bear hands and immediately after that he turns around like WOOOOOOO THAT’S what im TALKIN ABOUT LETS GO GUYS WHO WANTS A BEER *cut to him chugging an entire keg over his head with da boys around losing their minds* like think college frat but they raid villages for fun and profit. Pretty orc coded. Kinda thor coded. Actually exactly thorcoded wow that really is what I was going for. I was wondering why I couldn’t help imagining him with a australian accent, I guess that’s a mystery solved. anyway

Maybe his parents got killed in some other battle im not sure how to weave around that in detail yet BUT- ok so check this I thought ill have to give him some motive to wanna reach the devil somehow for,,.,,… something right. to make him fill an antagonist role So this might be stupid a lil I just thought of this and it needs to cook for sure but what if he just rolled up into vesuvia as the magic capital or something whtver, to figure out how to get to talk to the devil, cuz he just like, really wants his parents back cuz they got valhallad in some glorious combat, and they were cool and he misses them and they could fight some more cool fights together and pillage n chill jhbsfvjgzdc beCAUsE hear me out im rolling with the swap inversions opposites motive here right, so the thing that popped up in my head was- Lucio had the “I wanna kill my parents bcause I hate them and so I can rule and get what I want” thing goin at the start right, like that is basically what started it off he got his dad he didnt get morgha SO what IF I gave murie a “i wanna conquer this place and use it to get my parents back. cuz I missem :(” like fully turned it around idk IDK IT SEEMS MESSY IDK IS IT CUTE IS IT DUMB IT MAKES ME FEEL DUMB BUT IN THAT WAY THAT MIGHT MEAN THAT ITS ACTUALLY WORKING BUT I DONT KNOW *screaming with no air*

But overall yeah hes khal drogo but more noticeably himboey but not in a likeable way cuz were switching them so I cant make him likeable for myself hnjdgfgb leaning into popular dumb jock trope

UnLESSSS i DID combo it with murdermuriel au 1.0 some more and made their tribe like. Not murdery somehow like what would be the opposite of the og scourge roaming around ruining shit. well that was the og kokhuri but now I gotta do some fucking triple axels here to make it make sense so how the fuck do I make this version of kokhuri more warriory in culture than the original but still nice like robinhoody style jhbfsvhjbs this is falling tf apart might need to scrap it bc on lucios end itd be even harder wouldn’t it. Spartan cunts but they don’t kill people that’s a nono lmao

now im thinking some more about the aspect of lucio being, you know. a pretty shitty leader right, and how to incorporate that here, because i have no idea if im following an actual set rule here regarding whats swapped and how even, theres barely a theme im straight up just

but yeah so now i figure it could be murie tryna get his folks back because they were the actual defacto leaders of their tribe, he was just kinda still following along and doin his chores in being the uhh the face, the charisma, the one to kinda like. get the people on board easier with whatever decision they made for them and hyping it up as the best possible choice anyone could ever make and maybe even actually believing it too cuz theyre actually that tightknit and he trusts them with anything aw. is this too onedimensional or can i give my boy some good nice facking family relations at least in an alternate life ghhkjkfdh hes their pride n joy and can do no wrong but yeah the point is he himself hasnt actually made any decisions without them before, isnt very good at actually leading and strategizing and planning and knowing how everything complicated works and he knows it, so he sees his only solution in bringing them back to not let everything fall apart

SEE I BROUGHT IT AROUND I CLEANED UP NICE WITH OG LUCIO SETTING OFF FROM THE POINT OF FEELING LIKE HES THE BEST AT EVERYTHING AND SHOULD B RECOGNIZED AS SUCH AND TRYING TO GET RID OF HIS PARENTS TO GET IT AND MY BOY HERE ENDING UP EXACTLY OPPOSITE. GO SHAWTY GO SHAWTY IM SO SMART am i fucking up lulus backstory i feel like i am cuz im like wait what the fuck did he kill his dad for again. demonheart. deal. thing. whatd he wish. like he wasnt already running for count n shit yet he did want to climb up the ladder in his own tribe right i have no idea yell at me in comments thank you

I also don’t know if the first (last) scourge battle wouldve happened or nah

Lucio/Montag

Oh my fucking god what if I figured out an alternative L moniker for murie so theyd get to switch letters in their namesssssssss like lucio is a made up name he made it up so like UAGHASHG L.,,,...,, Lion ofthe,... south NO he HAS to be bEAR CODED AAFYFFHG BUT LUCIO HAD LEOPARD IMAGERY N SHIT RAAHAHHGH IM FITIN FOR MY LIFE HERE

Anyway he lives in a forest somewhere cuz his tribe threw him out fully voluntarily bc he sucks ass (or at least for their standards cuz I guess he would be way younger than 18 here for this) (Like a spartan type deal ur too weak we don’t want you *drops you off a cliff*  *but theres 4 feet of snow under it so he survives*  *that’s so fucking goofy hjbsfbj kinda suits him*) so uhhhhhh i don’t know where hed be currently chilling for an mc to meet him ever but yeah hes kinda Floki Vikings™ type of vibe at least visually that’s what came to mind first to picture him lol

look at this little blond rat bastard. adorable. becoming increasingly obsessed. picturing lucio with this exact hairline. moving on

and his thing is hes still insecure as fuck but worse at ignoring it and hiding it and hes a lil nervous bundle of sticks and always talking bc of it, kinda Bruno Madrigalesque type vibe julian but a pitch more pathetic who knew it could be done yknow? opposite of The OG The Mountain The Stone Cold Silent The Muriel The Scourge The Kokhuri The Third and also me when writing and not stopped in time

oh oh what if he was totes in denial that his tribe kicked him out and in his view hes on some super intense convoluted secret mission (lasting from. age 7 to now apparently) and as soon as hes done they’ll totally come back for him kdfsgjffd I thought it could either be his own copium or he took it from some last interaction with someone who took pity on him as a kid and wanted to give him some comfort, or something he misunderstood entirely

hm. They both have canid familiars idk what to do with that. muriel with two wolves tho. thats hot shit righ there if i do say so myself

oh now im toying with the idea of taking away muriels SUPPOSED YET UNCONFIRMED AS MY VERY CONTROLLED ACADEMIC STUDY HAS SHOWN COUGHCOUGHJHBSRGJBHF talking to animals buff, i dont wanna just take it and give it to lucio tho, but like. what the fuck else do i give him. astral projecting to tie into his ghost era? sounds dope actually alright lets do that lmao

ok its 1 30 am i hope this is comprehensible to anybody anywhere im zonking out now khbsfhbfk love u

@tetsuooooooooooo I've missed your essays, this was such a treat to log in to!!!

And WOW, thorcoded Muriel is not something I ever would have thought of on my own but oddly enough I feel like the AU you're coming up with could really work, goodness me. And the way you've inverted Lucio's character too!! I'd love to see how their interaction dynamics invert as well!

Always good to hear from you friend, hope you're doing well!

[yakool-foolio]

Idk if anyone actually talked about this but this has been on my mind lately

Lets recap for a bit: Yakou died back in chapter 4 because his soul was reaped in the Mystery Labyrinth, being revealed as Doctor Huesca's killer.

In Yakou's DLC, we see his wife's ghost give him the badge with the cell regenerating pill, right? But what really bothered me is how Yakou's gonna come back IF he took the pill.

Let's say the pill ends up working and Yakou comes back. But his soul was reaped in the Mystery Labyrinth, Wouldn't there be nothing of him? Would his Homunculus soul get resurrected? Would it create a new soul with the memories of his human self as its base? Or would Homunculus Yakou's body just be an undead being living without a soul?

There's a lot left unanswered with how the homunculi would be revived. However, there is some groundwork that can be laid out to at least form some paths that could be explored.

I think I have a pretty confident answer to your first query about the reaped souls. The reaping doesn't meant that the soul, and therefore the person, ceases to exist. I believe it's just a fancier way of dying 'naturally.' If the soul of a human were to be reaped, the soul would separate from the physical body, but wouldn't be completely destroyed. Shinigami actually chooses careful wording by saying that while the Mystery Labyrinth may be destroyed, the soul isn't. The body 'perishes.' She mentions nothing about the soul being erased.

As ya might have noticed, I specified that this is what would happen for humans, not homunculi. However, the reaping of a homunculus' soul may not be as complicated as it looks. This is entering speculation territory, but I have a bite of evidence to sink your teeth into! I theorize that when the soul of a homunculus is reaped, the body goes through the normal process of death. The soul is separated, and the body is now empty. However, when the imperfect revival state begins after several hours, the soul of the homunculus boomerangs right back into the now-zombified body. If the soul were to be destroyed, and the zombies were simply empty husks, then how would the zombies have any of their memories? A soul should most likely contain all memories. Hitman Zilch is able to recall his work with Yomi, although spotty due to the deterioration of the brain that the soul is reconnected to. Yakou gets flashes of photographic memories of his detectives, can recite Yuma's name, and recognizes his wife. They still have souls in them, but the decayed body and mind burns through some or many of those memories.

So now we arrive at the question of what would happen if a zombified homunculus were to be revived with the finished creation of the work-in-progress regenerative pill Yakou's wife worked on. This could go in several directions, but I'll stick to discussing the most notable ideas.

The least painful road to walk on is that if a zombie is revived, their brains are fully healed, and they are able to keep all their memories up to their death, so nothing is lost. That's pretty much the happiest ending. The narrative decision to write that would mean it needs some serious right to earn that ending, and I think I could at least provide a start to that in order to get Yakou back in perfect condition. Yakou loves and protects Kanai Ward, so he's selfless toward his fellow citizens. It'd be very in-character if the zombified Yakou made sure that all the other zombies were revived before himself. Their lives are more important than his. So in the end, once everyone else is revived, Yakou is rightfully rewarded for this selflessness by regaining all his memories.

The more bittersweet route is that the revived homunculi's memories are reset back to when they were first created, so they still have their human counterparts' memories, but nothing that belongs to them. In Yakou's case, that means he'd have no memories of the NDA detectives or the truth behind his wife's death. It's sad, but it's a very plausible outcome.

A somewhat similar, but possibly not as upsetting choice is that Yakou has a bunch of holes in his memories. He can remember some things perfectly, and some things he can't recall no matter how hard he tries. So there's a chance he could remember the detectives, but not remember anything about going through his Huesca murder scheme. Could have humorous results. I'll take a silly ending any day!

[seth-burroughs]

mdarc chapter 1 rewatch part 4 let's goooooo gamersss

halara is here. "i have no obligation to help others, but i work sincerely according to the payment i receive" "to believe in another is the shallowest concept one can uphold" yes halara as you should. striking them with the npd hammer

ok so i stopped doing this for like a week or two because lammergeiers swarmed my apartment and started tearing out my bones and eating them in front of me. really sad story. anyway i heard seth literally appears just next scene aint that something huh

watching the sidequests needless to say yomi brain is very uncomfortable rn

seh

why the fuck did he bring flowers. somebody make a 40 paragraph essay on why he showed up with a fucking bouquette at his house

i missed the jp pronunciation of their names. sezu barozu. yomi herusumairu. suwaro electro. halara nightomero

everybody else in the game either has some sort of odd unusual name combos and then theres seth burroughs of the british isles

awkward and bitter exes forced to look at each other for the first time since the divorce in which yakou took the kids and then lost them at castorama shortly after

i might have been joking but why the fuck do they talk like exes. hey what the fuck is this scene

return of the megaphone. i forgot he has a megaphone because my memory is comparable to the warrior cats writing team

that was the loudest crunchiest fucking sigh i ever heard i am wheezing. everybody stop whatever youre doing go search for the jp dub mdarc playthrough of this scene you need to listen to this shit

i love seth's shit eating grin. i wish for nothing more than to smash his skull against the wall repeatedly in a romantic sense

"this flower... its beautiful, isnt it?" there is something deeply wrong with you. find jesus

i cannot with this fucking exchange. i cannot. i cannot. this is fucked. seth is a fucked up character. i am so fucking scared. wiki help me

this laugh is so fucked up too. also through this entire conversation i feel like a child that is forced to witness their parents fighting in the living room

bye seth that was an ethereal experience and i will now go to sleep aware that i am from this moment on apparently sexually attracted to all Makoto, Fake Zilch, Martina and Seth now and I got no idea on what to do about it to be honest i shall uhh make up a strategy in my bed gettinh all cozy and shit or something

My biggest accomplishment of today was to stand up for a few minutes to get zoomies then resume being too tired to function

[mostlyihyperfixate]

Okay. I gotta write 750 words a day to fill my quota, and I don't feel like journaling about my day today, so I'm going to do a quick-and-dirty discussion of my thoughts on "Ace Attorney: Apollo Justice" before I really get into the meat of the final case. I'll see if my thoughts change once I finish it.

I'm gonna be real honest: I don't think I like this game as much as the others. And I feel really bad about it! I didn't want to be the person that waltzed in and just was mad at everything because waaah it's not Phoenix. I went in here with the mindset that I was gonna like Apollo, and I was going to give him a fair shot.

Frankly, I think this game would be better if Phoenix was just, like, not in it. He could just be some legendary defense attorney who retired a while back and no one is quite sure he went (and it's certainly not to Europe to be with his husband or anything like that). Phoenix kind of weighs it down for me, because I am sad that he the way he is, and I'm mad that he's kind of being an asshole to Apollo who literally has done NOTHING WRONG, and I'm also mad that he doesn't really even seem to care much about Trucy. Maybe that's developed more in other games? I expected more out of that relationship. And so I am torn between wanting to know what Phoenix is up to, because I love him, and then being like, "Get out of here and quit being mean to Apollo with a smile on your face" every time Phoenix does show up.

And I like Apollo, but I feel he's…wanting. I don't feel like I know Apollo. Don't get me wrong; I know Phoenix was just kind of the generic every dude over his head in the first game. The most we really got out of him was one thing that happened to him when he was a kid. But he had enough of a personal connection or personal stakes in his cases (at the very least, his past relationship with Edgeworth was there because Edgeworth was the prosecutor) that I felt like I had SOMETHING to go off. And it's not like I need Apollo to have a tragic backstory or some deep reason to be an attorney. But I have zero! Zilp! Zilch!

He literally hasn't gotten to know a single one of his clients for one reason or another the entire game, so I don't feel like I have a grasp on them either! And Apollo doesn't even get the benefit of playing off the prosecutor like Phoenix did in every game. I don't dislike Klavier; his being a genuinely nice guy isn't bad. But he sure doesn't add anything to the story for me, and I don't think he adds much (if anything) to Apollo's character either.

And at the same time, I feel like this game is trying to be much deeper. It's trying to tell me something about the legal system, and corruption, and broken dreams. But at the same time, it's so much more cartoony than the previous entries. The first game was always the one that took itself the most seriously, I feel (and it's my favorite of the original trilogy), and I did say when I finished Trials and Tribulations that I felt it hit maximum soap opera in Bridge to Turnabout. I also said I loved it for that soapy-ness. But this isn't soapy. This is a cartoon. What's with all these characters suddenly changing appearances? What's with every single witness being an over-the-top weirdo? WHY is Spark Brushel????

Let's not even get into how much I loathed Turnabout Serenade. It gave me a much greater appreciation for Turnabout Big Top. I mean, sure, all those adult men were hitting on Regina, but at the very least I feel like Moe wasn't going to let anyone actually lay a finger on her afterward. She's in good hands. And Moe was self-aware that I wanted him to go to Clown Hell for all those massive penalties…

Now that I think about it, the tutorial case was probably my second favorite in the series, after the opening trial to Trials and Tribulations. But the other two…were not that interesting. I haven't been in a huge rush to finish this one. Which…I guess I started it two weeks ago, so it's not like I've been dragging my feet. But I'm perfectly capable of going a day or two without picking up my Switch Light to find out what happens next. I'm not staying up until, like, midnight to get to the next chapter.

I've tried hard to avoid spoilers, but I'm not sure I have any massive theories for how this is going to wrap up. I have been really suspicious of Trucy's uncle ever since he showed up. Now that he's in the flashback, I note that I have not, in fact, seen Trucy's uncle and Phoenix in the same place at the same time. So I wonder if he had something to do with…….something. And obviously Kristoph has something to do with….something. And Trucy's dad has the same first name as the guy that got killed in the first case, so clearly he came back to do…..something. I just don't know what those somethings are.

I will also say: No way did Phoenix ever have $100,000 to his name to pay someone to forge evidence for him, considering this (apparently???) happened two months after the end of the last game, and the only client that for sure ever paid him was probably Miles. Not sure if the game is going to try to red herring me on that or not. But I had a good chuckle at that.

Honestly, I'd love to see more of Apollo and Klavier (separately and together) because I think they COULD be interesting. So far, this game just has failed to develop them at all. Again, I think part of the issue is that Phoenix's presence casts such a long shadow. I understand the plan was not to include him in the game originally, and I'm a little torn because, again, I love him, and I want to see more of him…just not like this. And I think it's kind unfair to Apollo both in and out of universe that he has to share his debut game with Phoenix.

Someone reblogged my Klavier post to say that the last case in Apollo Justice was their favorite. I have read on other parts of the internet that it's generally considered the worst final case in the series. We'll see what happens.

[shehsart]

I am more than ever triggered by going to work lately. It's not like I'm slacking but they somehow suspect I'm lazing off and keep trying to catch me doing something wrong. Like... I'm not the only one who's facing this btw many employees resigned recently due to their behaviour

Wtf is with y'all I'm working so hard my legs ache and I can't even do anything else after coming home, I'm even drowning in paperwork despite that? I don't know what they expect should I sell my soul to you or something?? This is just what happens when you assign a team of non professionals who don't know zilch about your field to manage you (how does that even work???)

I know it I know I will just have enough at one point then quit like the others. I really really LOVE some coworkers though they are the sweetest and leaving them behind seems sad but if the management doesn't stop being a b I sure wont stay either. Like everyone is so caring/helpful it's a surprise.

Sighs I really do want to say speech pathology is a very taxing field emotionally and physically... (every field is but the amount of human interaction we have to deal with is just ridiculous) healthcare workers should be given some kind of mental health support too I love my work and everything but I feel like something is badly missing here... That something is my ignored hobbies writing and drawing. I'm afraid I'll suck at them and I can't afford quitting to make time for them

I need the money but I also need some peace, idk this is a weird situation but God help me

[sotwk]

I'm just going to piggyback off @scyllas-revenge's supportive post here and try not to get too preachy much because I'm quite upset to find one of my favorite, recently discovered LOTR writers feeling this way!

@minaturefics I have not even had a chance to read and review most of your fics (except for Boromir's--I've read both multiple times already and still owe a review for one because there was just no way I could resist), simply because I like to take my time reading just like I like to take my time with writing. The best fanfics are like boxes of very expensive chocolate; you don't eat the whole thing in one sitting. You drag out out and make each piece last as long as possible because it is precious and hard to obtain. That's how I see your stories, and the stories of similar writers like Scylla who take the time to craft long, beautiful masterpieces--quality over quantity.

I completely understand the discomfort you feel over being slow on delivering requests. I myself have 12 of them sitting in my Ask Box and the only reason I'm not super stressed about it is because most of them are from my mutuals/friends whom I know are very supportive and will not be mad at me for taking my time. I noticed that many of the requests you've responded to so far are from Anons. I know that must add to the pressure because you don't want to upset or "lose" someone unknown, but really, Anons really must learn to have patience and respect for writers. You are an artist, not a machine (I know that sounds super cliché), and a human being, not a goose to be throttled for pate (less cliché, haha). The true beauty of your writing will only come out if you are happy with the task. Readers who get cross with "slow writers" might not be writers themselves and don't understand what a painstaking process it can be. Well, I hope some of them start to learn that.

Please PLEASE do not change your writing style. I cannot stress that enough. Your storytelling style and language are gorgeous and I almost cannot believe you would consider deviating from it. I may not seem like it because I will NEVER, EVER speak poorly about a fellow fic writer's works, but I am actually pretty picky. I will not fawn or gush over something I didn't honestly love. If a writer's story or overall style isn't to my liking at all, I just move on. I hope I was clear enough how much I enjoyed your work from my one review of your Boromir story; there will be more to come once I get around to the rest of your Masterlist. Your writing genuinely makes me feel things and brings me joy and comfort. I don't care if others are too negligent in their duty to give feedback and tell you that. I'm POSITIVE there are many out there who enjoy your works as much as I do (unless the porn bots have finally succeeded in taking over, who knows).

Don't think you are ungrateful for having a down day and feeling sad about not having enough engagement. We are all entitled to our down days, and we ALL have them. We get paid zilch for being fanfiction writers which, if you think about it, is atrocious considering many fanfic writers surpass the skill of published writers who earn money for inferior product. (I've bought enough unread "what was I thinking" novels to attest to this.) We put invest so much time and passion into our stories and yes, no one is forcing us to do this, but it still sucks that we can't even get acknowledgement more profound than a silent thumbs up.

If you're worried about losing your audience for taking too long in posting content, the only thing I can guarantee is that *I* am not going anywhere. Just like none of us get tired of watching the same 6 Peter Jackson movies over and over and over again, I will never get tired of rereading your stuff. Why? Because just like the movies, they're masterpieces. I am willing to wait however long it takes for you to come up with new stuff, because it's worth it. For what it's worth, I believe anyone who's read your works will be too. Unless they're bots.

Tagging a few writer friends I know who can probably relate to all this and could use the reminder of how precious they and their works are: @creativity-of-death @glassgulls @fizzyxcustard @friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog. You are amazing and your works will always be worth the wait!

Been feeling a little down and demotivated recently, especially about writing. it just sort of feels like, whats the point?

I know that writing for engagement is not the goal, or at least, I'm not sure how healthy it is to have that as a motivating factor. But sometimes I just feel like I should shorten my pieces, or change my writing style a little, so more people will like it.

But also I feel like I sound so ungrateful when I say things like this because I do have people who read my stuff and send me lovely messages, and I don't want to imply like that isn't good enough, but also idk. (Can you be grateful for what you have and still want more?)

I know it takes ages for pieces or requests to come out because, life. I write as an escape, when I have free time, when I feel like it, and sometimes I just wonder if it takes so long, do the people who request things even care when it comes out? Have they moved on to something/someone else because I've been so slow?

I don't want writing to feel like a chore or an obligation, but I also don't want to lose you all.

Maybe I'm just being greedy, to want to take my own time, but also expect there to be an audience when it's been like weeks. idk, maybe this is just a creator's dilemma. idk what I'm saying anymore.

[atomic-rena]

Is there a recap for the rena cinematic universe somewhere? /gen I think it‘s really cool and I love your art!

No but god damn it there should be,,

I'll try and summarize as best as I can but please keep in mind this is gonna be mainly from my character's pov. If other RCU members wanna rb with a summary of their characters please feel free too!!  ​​​​

Rena the 69th clone of butch hartman. Butch hartman was once a kinda shitty normal guy but he wanted to become a god like NonXD and their siblings so he made a clone of himself to experiment on. (He's also trans (ftm) so that's why his clone is a cis girl like that one Danny Phantom theory, anyways) after he made this clone he named her proto (short for prototype) but she later chose the name Rena for herself making her Rena 1!

Butch hartman started dating this king guy who I think is French but I might have made that up but anyways Rena 1 gets suuuuuper fucking jealous because she is in love with butch hartman even tho she's his clone it's really weird she's weird. So this King fella actually has one of the gods under his control, this god is vermin and they lost their memory (just like popular dsmp member ranboo) so that's why Hartman wants to date him, to try and get close to this god.

(TW: SA mention, death, violence)

Vermin is very fond of the King, and the king isn't necessarily a great guy but he's not malicious. So Hartman and the King are dating for a bit and the king realizes he's ace and Hartman doesn't really care. Hartman is a horrible person and that's all I will say for that you can guess what happens with them.

The whole dating Hartman thing leads the king to ban sex (or sex cults depending who you ask but it really doesn't matter) so now not only.is their relationship rocky but so is the king's and his kingdom's. Rena 1 takes advantage of this and goes up to Hartman and is all like "heyy we should kill your boyfriend :) it would be so sexy and cool" and Hartman just agrees because he wants to turn this whole thing into a coup so yada yada king gets beheaded and vermin runs away traumatized.

So Hartman with his small but passionate mini army have now successfully taken over the kingdom. But aww shit vermin ran away. So Hartman is like "Rena 🥺👉👈 can you please go capture that filthy bastard? Bring his rat ass to me 😚 please 🥰" and Rena 1 being the simp she is is all like "yes sir!"

so rena 1 goes out and finds vermin but is like oh shit i have empathy and let’s xem go so she goes back empty handed and hartman is PISSSSED. so anyways like a week passed and she keepes doing shit that pissed him off and eventually he chokes her to death (it’s a lot more dramatic im just better at comics trust me please)

now hartman is like “well, i can just make another one” then processed to keep making rena clones but they can like kinda remember the shit he did to the previous rena and anyways he just keeps killing them and remaking them it’s very unhealthy like this is not how you cope with your emotions hartman.

so anyways we get around to rena 69 which is the one that is alive and kicking. she escapes hartman before he could kill her. she ends up in hell for a bit then finds this super hot ram chick (@romanticisms-slut) and they have a kid ( @racoon-child) the kid and rena end up on the mc server which rena is convinced is still hell because she’s an idiot. 

then this political race starts and rena teams up with vermin (they dont recognize each other just dont think about it too hard) and they hire @fawfulgod as the campaign manager. Rena ends up wins but water anon the middle sibling of non and vermin does a hostile take over with @tack-tick​ and @icrazy-snowyowl so rena, zilch (fawful) and vermin go into hiding with help of zapp ( @chekhxvsgun) and then rena gets all sad n shit and starts canonically writing king julien fanfiction.

zilch get’s kidnapped by tica and she puts him in a sand pit. then rena rescues him (link1 & link2) and that’s kinda where we’re at rn if you have any questions please ask ^-^ my fingers hurt 

[wrenhyperfixates]

Of All the Places

Chapter 10

Pairing: Loki x reader Series Summary: Washing up in a small town in Oklahoma was definitely not part of Loki’s plan when he came to conquer Midgard. There is one good thing about it, though: No one recognizes him as the one who just wreaked havoc in New York. So, Loki plans to recover from the battle and move on with his life. The only problem? He’s not sure he can leave you. Chapter Summary: The time has come for Loki to tell you how he feels, and he insist on doing it right. Now he just has to hope that you feel the same way he does. Chapter Warnings: zip, zilch, zero A/N: This was a really fun chapter to write, and I’m so excited to share it. Want to tell me what you thought of it or what you think will happen next? I’d love to hear it! Updates every Friday. Happy reading, all :) 

Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant @lunarmoon8​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​ @marvelousdaydreams​ @parkastoria​ @lokistan​ @thelokiimaginechroniclesficrecs​

✥ Start at Beginning ✥ | ← Previous Chapter | Next Chapter →

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

His promise to John was one Loki intended to keep. He’d gotten hardly any sleep these past few nights, trying to think of the perfect way to tell you how he truly feels. And, he had to confess, he already missed your warm mortal body snuggling up against him while slept, and waking up to your arms wrapped around him, safe and content. Well, that was all terribly off topic, and Loki refocused on the task at hand, which, in addition to figuring out his dilemma, was not burning breakfast.

The atmosphere in the kitchen was very awkward right now. Papa had stepped out for a minute, so it was just Loki and Mama. They hadn’t spoken since the confrontation in the barn, and he wasn’t sure if it was because she still hated him or felt bad about what she said. He sighed, knowing if he were to ever be with you, it would certainly hurt your relationship with your mother more. It pained his heart to think that you’d never get to meet his mother. That he’d never get to see her again, either. The thought gave him all the confidence he needed to do what he knew he must.

“I am sorry,” he said.

“What?” she said, utterly surprised. Then more hostilely, she added, “What did you do.”

“I have, perhaps, not been as polite to you as I should have, and for that I am sorry. But I need you to know that I mean it when I say I would never do anything to hurt this family. I could not live with myself if I did.”

“You know what James always said?” Mama asked after a moment of silence, her voice breaking and tears welling in her eyes. “He said everyone deserved a second chance. That we’re all just trying to do the best we can, and we shouldn’t judge anyone too harshly. I’m thankful every day that he wasn’t as cynical as I am. So I’m sorry too, for not giving you a chance.”

Loki fetched her a tissue to dry her her eyes. He never had been very good at dealing with emotions and was unsure of what the correct procedure here was. In the end, he just bowed his head and gave her a moment to compose herself.

“I know what you’ve been planning, and though you didn’t quite ask for it,” she began once her tears were dry, “you have my blessing. I really do want my babies to be happy, it’s just so hard to let go.”

“I understand,” he said. “And thank you. My sole mission in life shall be to make them happy.”

Mama gave a sad little smile, almost like she did not believe him. Or perhaps she was just upset for herself at having to move on. Either way, he was grateful they’d come to an understanding. Hopefully a lasting one this time.

“Loki, one more thing,” she said.

“Yes?”

“Your waffles are burning.”

He quickly saved the batch before they were ruined completely. Thankfully, Papa came back to help him soon. Though they were a great deal harder than pancakes, they still came out pretty well, making Loki’s chest swell with pride that he was assimilating so well. He smiled to himself, thinking how this could be the rest of his life with you. Maybe the two of you could even get your own plot of land one day, right near this one. This whole mentality of thinking optimistically was much easier than constantly preparing for the worst, Loki decided.

“Morning, Loki. Did you make those?” you asked, spying the plate of waffles. “They smell great.”

“Thank you,” he blushed. “Would you like to taste one?”

You nodded, and he impaled a small piece on a fork. He held it to your lips, and you ate it, the interaction making his heart stutter.

“It’s delicious! You’re quite the chef, if you ask me,” you complimented him, grabbing the whipped cream and syrup to put on the table.

“Again, thank you, my darling. I’m sure it’s nothing special, though.”

“Sounds to me like you should try it, too,” you said, mimicking his actions from before and feeding him. Needless to say, his cheeks went bright red. “See? Delicious.”

“Morning guys,” John said, walking in. “Congratulations, Loki. I’m glad you finally did it.”

Loki started motioning for him to shut up, immediately understanding that John thought your behavior was due to him telling you how he felt. Alas, that was just how the two of you behaved with each other. Though, perhaps it was good, and he should see it as a sign that you reciprocated his feelings.

“Finally did what?” you asked, completely perplexed.

“Oh, uh, just making waffles. Big step up the breakfast ladder,” John said, giving Loki a subtle thumbs up.

“Indeed! That’s it,” Loki heaped onto the cover up. “In fact, we should eat them before they get cold.”

He shepherded both of you to the table where the rest of the family joined you. He could tell you were all being genuine when you said how much you enjoyed the food. Lies were his specialty, after all, and he couldn’t spot a single one. Except his entire reason for being there, obviously. There was always that untruth hanging in the air, ruining what would otherwise be bringing him bliss.

“Sorry about this morning,” John said as they headed out into the fields later that day. “Hope I didn’t spoil anything.”

“No need to worry. It was a close one, but we covered it up just fine,” Loki replied. “In truth, I have not even found the right words to tell them. And believe me, I’ve been wracking my brain.”

“Well, maybe that’s the issue.”

“What is?”

“That you’re thinking so hard. Just speak from the heart.”

“Perhaps, but the scene must be set just right. I insist upon having that planned out, at least.”

“Fair enough. Don’t worry, we’ll think of something.”

They set about the usual chores, and Loki thought about the situation the whole time. It wasn’t until they were heading back in for the evening that inspiration struck. You were waiting for them on the porch, waving as they came in. Besides the fact that it was rather picturesque, it made him realize you'd had some important moments there. Like that day when you went to the creek, the first time he’d really felt close to you, it had started with you talking on the porch. When you’d almost kissed the day of the party, that was on the porch, too. Perhaps it was just the place to start the next phase of your relationship.

“John,” he whispered as you walked inside. “I believe I have the perfect idea.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What do you think, little one? Is it perfect?”

“Hmm,” Matt said in reply, then adjusted a napkin ever so slightly. “There. Now it is!”

“Thank you. Everything must be just right for tonight.”

“And it will be,” Ana said, laying a comforting hand on Loki’s shoulder.

“She’s right,” John added, coming out of the house and placing a kiss on his wife’s cheek. “You planned it out all week.”

“I know, but these nerves will not settle.”

“Well, maybe it’s time to just go for it.”

“He’s right,” Ana encouraged. “Once you do it, there’ll be nothing left to worry about.”

“I suppose you are right. No time like the present.”

He shook himself out, feeling more nervous than he had in his whole life. Even with the encouragement of his friends, he wasn’t sure he could do this. Though, the fact that he even had friends did give him a boost of confidence. On the flip side of that, he was saddened by the fact he could not share this with his family. Because even after all this time, he still thought of them as that. Well, Thor and Frigga anyway; Odin, not so much.

“You can do this, Loki!” Matt cheered, hugging Loki’s legs.

He fondly smiled down at the boy and pat his head. “Thank you, little one.”

“And don’t forget, no one can resist a god,” John said with a wink after Ana and Matt were gone, then headed in himself.

Loki waited a minute before going in, too. As he traveled the halls to your room to invite you down, he recalled all the time he’d spent in the house. Before he came here and met all of you, he was convinced he was doomed. But now, he thought happiness was possible again. He’d been so broken, but you’d healed him with your gentle touches and kind words.

This world around him, he owed all to you. You’d showed him a way to live he’d never even considered before, extended the offer of a place in your home to him. He deeply wished he could do the same for you, raise you to the level of the gods in Asgard. He wanted to show you the gleaming, golden city, give you a tour of the place where he grew up. It was pointless, though, for he knew it could never be.

“Darling,” he said, knocking on your door. You opened it up, and he tried to calm his wild heart. “Do you suppose you could meet me on the porch in, say, ten minutes?”

“Oh! Yeah, sure. What for?”

“You will see,” he smiled before going back down to check over everything one final time.

After giving everything a once over, Loki conjured a bouquet of your favorite flowers on a whim. It felt almost strange to use his powers after keeping them hidden so long. It came back to him rather easily, even so. He hoped that one day he would be able to show you all the tricks he could do. To amaze you with magic out of your wildest dreams. If tonight went well, he was certain he would.

“Loki. I’m here. I-” you paused, taking in the set up on the porch. “What is all this?”

He gulped, hoping he didn’t go overboard with the twinkle lights and lanterns. Your family had said that it wasn’t too much, but maybe they were wrong. For once, your face was unreadable. Although, maybe that was just because he was going through a million emotions of his own.

“It’s for you. I was hoping we could dine together this evening,” he told you, presenting the flowers, which you gratefully accepted.

“Of course we can. But, if you don’t mind my asking, why just the two of us?”

“To be perfectly clear, my darling, I like you. I like you as more than just a friend, and I want to be more than that. So, I suppose this is me asking you on a date.”

“Then, this is me accepting.”

You both stood there grinning like idiots for a minute before he cleared his mind. He pulled out a chair for you and then sat in his own. Papa had been enlisted to help Loki cook one of your favorite meals. You raved about how good it was, and Loki had never felt lighter. It was like he was floating on air. The dessert, too, you thoroughly enjoyed. Everything was going swimmingly, but Loki was still not satisfied with his confession when there was so much else he wanted to say to you.

“My darling,” he began, circling around to your side of the table. You got up, too, and invited him to sit on the porch swing. “I must admit, I do not think it sufficient that I have not completely expressed how I feel. You see, when I first came here, I was so lost. But then there was you, so kind, so accepting. You became my direction, the only place I want to be, regardless of where I was before all this. You’ve said before that you do not think your life would be complete with me in it. Well I have yet to tell you that I feel exactly the same way, but I do. More than I can even express.”

You whispered his name, and he yours in reply. It was both a question and an invitation, full of desire and longing as his hand cupped your cheek. He leaned in towards you. A part of him did not want to do this until after he’d shared the whole truth, something he’d originally planned on doing tonight. But right now, the overwhelming majority of thoughts in his head were urging him to follow through with this. The second before your lips were going to meet, the front door slammed open.

“I thought you two might like to come inside,” Mama said. “It’s going to rain, and it’s getting awful late.”

Whether the part about the rain was true or not, Loki did not know, but either way he did not appreciate the interruption. After all, sitting on the porch you did have protection from the elements. He thought she was okay with him dating you, but apparently not. It didn’t particularly matter though, since he wasn’t going to call her out on it.

“Thank you,” he said instead. “I guess we should be heading in then.”

You nodded and began the trek up to your rooms. How he wished you could have finished that moment on the porch, but it was too late now. You bid each other goodnight, and he cast a longing glance over his shoulder at you. Before his hand could touch the knob of his door, you spun him back around and placed a kiss to his lips. It was hasty and sloppy, but it was still perfect.

“Goodnight, Loki,” you whispered breathlessly and leaving him in a daze.

He flopped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling, quietly laughing to himself once he fully processed what had happened. Tonight had gone better than he ever could have imagined. Except for one thing. He realized he never told you the truth about who he was. His heart sank, thinking how he might ruin what he’d just gained if he did come clean now. But he knew he must. And soon. Because if there was one thing he’d truly meant, it was that he never wanted to hurt you. He could only hope that telling you wouldn’t do just that.

[samwpmarleau]

1) It doesn’t fit with GRRM’s track record to introduce something as monumental as this, let alone so late in the game, and have it be what it says on the tin. For Aegon to actually be Elia and Rhaegar’s son who miraculously appears at the 11th hour to save the day doesn’t fit at all. Also, unfortunately, GRRM’s presentation of his characters of color is absolutely abysmal. While he debunked the theory of Dany blowing up the Water Gardens (THANK GOD), that doesn’t mean he’s going to magically treat Dorne how it deserves to be treated. A lot of the “evidence” I’ve seen about Aegon being real hinges on GRRM actually doing right by his characters of color and their associated storylines, which is … not likely.

2) The Golden Company was founded by Bittersteel, the #1 Blackfyre supporter who kept trying to make the Blackfyre cause succeed even long after Daemon was dead. The GC has been faithfully pro-Blackfyre ever since, and was even led by a Blackfyre, Maelys, in the Fifth Rebellion as well, which was not all that long ago.

3) The GC has never broken a contract before — in fact, their words have been “as good as gold” since the very beginning when Bittersteel founded it — so why would they now? They would only break a contract for blood (“some contracts are writ in ink, and some in blood”), for a Blackfyre. They broke the contract so they can help put Aegon on the throne and finally complete what Daemon and Bittersteel began.

4) The GC met with Viserys and Dany and laughed them out of the room. Why would they then be all gung-ho for a different Targaryen? Viserys wasn’t even a madman or pathetic when he met with them (Dany was still “a little girl”), Robert had only recently gotten the throne and therefore it was at its most vulnerable, and Viserys was well-known in Westeros as the Targaryen heir. If they were going to support a Targaryen, it would have been Viserys. Or Daenerys. Yet they didn’t. So why support Viserys’s alleged nephew instead? They would only do so because the Targaryen was only nominally one, in reality a Blackfyre.

5) Illyrio specifically says the Blackfyres are extinct in the male line, meaning they are still around, only through the female line, such as Illyrio’s late wife Serra. Aegon being Illyrio and Serra’s son would explain Illyrio’s fondness for the boy, why he’s so sad to see him go, and why he’s so invested in putting a “Targaryen” on the throne. Additionally, he found Serra as a sex slave in a Lysene brothel — quite a long ways down from the favored son of a Targaryen king. It would make sense for Illyrio, who loved her deeply, to in her memory restore what was “stolen” from her family.

6) Illyrio has a trunk full of children’s clothes, despite the fact that he’s supposed to be childless. Good clothes, too. (Those clothes are also blue, the color Aegon dyes his hair. Maybe a coincidence, maybe not.)

7) JonCon notes that Rhaegar’s eyes were “a deep purple, darker than this boy’s,” implying to us the reader that Aegon is not Rhaegar’s. It’s also a hint that JonCon has suspicions that Aegon is not the real deal but is in denial, because if Aegon isn’t real, then that means Rhaegar really is lost to him forever and he can do nothing to avenge him.

8) I’ve seen the argument for “sun’s son” being Aegon but it doesn’t make sense. Asha is called the kraken’s daughter, for one, despite being a Greyjoy in her own right, so yes, it tracks that Quentyn can be called the “sun’s son” despite being a “sun” himself (and it just has better rhythm). Plus, if he weren’t the “sun’s son,” how would he instead be the “mummer’s dragon”? He’s not a dragon, he’s not a fake, nor is he being controlled by a mummer, whereas that fits for Aegon. And in Dany’s HOTU vision, there’s a cloth dragon swaying on poles above a cheering crowd — how would Quentyn fit that either (especially since he’s dead)? But Aegon would. This is also in the same passage as “slayer of lies,” mind you. Aegon is the lie to be slain. The other people in the prophecy are pretty clear as to their identities, so why would “sun’s sun” and “mummer’s dragon” be riddles?

9) The Blackfyres and their rebellions have been developed more and more through the years, including an entire Dunk and Egg book about the second one. Would be a bit odd to completely drop that thread, no? The Third Rebellion didn’t even happen until late in Aerys I’s reign, so it’s not like the Blackfyres will play a central role any time soon in D&E. In the main series, however, they would. Plus, GRRM wrote the D&E book about the Second Rebellion while he was also writing ADWD, and it’s in ADWD that history lessons about the Blackfyres are repeatedly brought up.

10) The parallel between Aegon and Jon. Jon is a real secret Targaryen raised without knowing his true identity, whereas Aegon is a fake secret Targaryen raised without knowing his true identity.

11) There’s plenty of the “human heart in conflict with itself” that GRRM loves with him being fake. Dany gets another family member, the son of her beloved brother Rhaegar — only to find out Aegon’s a fake. JonCon raises a child for over a decade, the son of his beloved Rhaegar, redemption for losing at Stoney Sept — only to find out Aegon’s a fake. Dorne (Doran specifically) gets a piece of their beloved Elia back — only to find out Aegon’s a fake. Aegon himself has believed his whole life that he’s Elia and Rhaegar’s son, the heir to the throne, has gone through many hardships to get where he is — only to find out he’s been lied to since day one. Those are all very real, very poignant beats.

12a) The supposition that Elia would save her son but not her daughter — Dornish Elia, who would value her daughter just as much as her son — is nonsensical to me. I CANNOT get behind that one bit. Maybe I can justify Elia being willing to sacrifice someone else’s innocent baby if it meant saving her own (though that’s a horrible and heartless thing to do), but I CANNOT see a justification for her saving Aegon yet not Rhaenys. 

Moreover, if the baby weren’t Aegon, why would Elia be so willing to die for it? If it weren’t hers, if she had been pragmatic/cold enough to trade her baby for someone else’s, why on EARTH would she not have left that baby in the nursery and gone with Rhaenys, her actual child? The men Tywin sent had a reputation even back then and had scaled the walls of Maegor’s Holdfast. Elia would be dumb as a bag of bricks to think they would spare “her” son and Rhaenys, or possibly even herself. If they were to magically spare “Aegon,” great! Everyone’s happy (except Tywin). But why would Elia take that risk? No. She would only tell Rhaenys to run away yet stay with Aegon because he was her child and she had no other choice.

12b) If Elia switched the babies, then why don’t the Martells know anything about it? They were involved in a Targaryen restoration, Oberyn even went to Essos to sign the betrothal pact between Arianne and Viserys. Yet none of them know that their nephew is alive? If Elia really did take the pains to switch the babies for her son’s safety, why would she not have involved her family? At the very least, by having whoever she sent Aegon with even just hint to her family that he’s alive? But they know nothing. Zilch. They put their eggs in Viserys’s basket, then Dany’s, who are at best Elia-adjacent.

12c) Who would even be able to do such a thing as switch out the babies without a soul being the wiser? Varys, probably, but there is no way in hell Elia would entrust her son to him. Far beyond simply being a shady person in general who is out for himself and himself alone, he was the one who purposefully whispered in Aerys’s ear about invented conspiracies and betrayals. He made Aerys more paranoid, more dangerous. To the detriment of Rhaegar, Elia, their children, and the realm at large. Varys is the entire reason Aerys went to the Tourney at Harrenhal in the first place, because he convinced him that Rhaegar convened the tourney to meet with a bunch of lords in order to depose Aerys. Varys directly and gleefully contributed to Aerys’s further descent into tyranny.

Elia wouldn’t have trusted Varys as far as she could throw him, certainly not with something as precious as her child, not even if she were desperate. Even if she did trust him for some insane reason, how is Varys so powerful as to find a lookalike for Aegon but not for Rhaenys? Surely it’s easier to find a black-haired, brown-eyed toddler than a silver-haired, purple-eyed baby, no? Or why couldn’t he direct Elia to one of the many secret passageways so she could escape with the kids rather than this convoluted baby swap? Or any number of other things? At every turn, Aegon (but not Rhaenys!) being spirited away by anyone, most especially Varys, doesn’t hold up. Hell, why would Varys help Elia? What does he have to gain by not only helping her but egregiously undermining Aerys? Aerys whose ear he’s been meticulously whispering into, Aerys who’s the only reason Varys is at court and has power at all? Agreeing to and orchestrating the baby swap runs counter to everything we know about him.

13) Aegon being real means Elia and Dorne are essentially dealt two blows. We and they spend all this time believing her son was brutally murdered in King’s Landing. But then, psych! He’s actually alive! They get their hopes up, the wound is opened all over again, only for him to … be brutally murdered in King’s Landing. (Or possibly elsewhere, but likely KL.) Why is that better? What would be the point of Aegon being Elia and Rhaegar’s son if he’s just going to die like his “cover story” says he did? Actually, they’d be dealt three blows, really, given that Quentyn died as well in the pursuit of Targaryen restoration. Things are going to be painful enough without having Aegon be the real Aegon.

14) JonCon didn’t come to be Aegon’s caretaker until Aegon was 5. In other words, he wouldn’t recognize whether or not this Aegon is the one he saw as a baby. But because he’s so personally invested in Aegon being the real deal, he doesn’t question it too much. The result is that JonCon, who is well-known to have been close to Rhaegar and thus Elia (proximally, not emotionally of course, what with him hating her and all), him caring for the boy lends viability to the story. Which we see in action by Doran believing, or at least being willing to listen to, JonCon’s letter.

15) The Toynes have a very negative history with the Targaryens (and Barristan) but a positive one with the Blackfyres. Would it not make more sense for Myles Toyne to align himself with a Blackfyre rather than a Targaryen? Myles, who was the one who put his seal to the secret pact?

16a) It’s been 84 years. Even R+L=J, which is as much of a sure thing as you can possibly get, is disputed by some in the fandom. Some people believe Ashara Dayne is alive, and a subset of those go so far as to say she’s Jyana Reed. Some people have some theory about the Boltons being vampires. Like. It has been so long since the last book that things that would have been surprises or interesting twists have been examined to death, so by now they seem “too obvious.” Ten years ago, Aegon being real would undoubtedly have been a much more believed thing, because we’d have just recently been told it. But now? There’s been ample time to parse everything out and to determine that no, he likely isn’t real. Same for R+L=J. Ten years ago, or longer, Jon being revealed to be the son of Rhaegar and Lyanna would have been a bombshell. But now? It’s obvious as fuck. So to circle back around to “Yep, Aegon is real!” ignores the fact that it’s supposed to be a smokescreen and a twist.

16b) Related to this is GRRM’s own words. There’s an SSM where he’s asked whether Rhaenys and Aegon are really dead. He affirms that Rhaenys is but hedges for Aegon. Why? Not because he’s saying Aegon is real, but because he’s introducing the Young Griff arc. If he were to say, “Aegon’s definitely dead, too,” or “Aegon’s definitely alive,” that would completely spoil the tension and truth/untruth of the storyline.

Do I know that Aegon’s a fake? Obviously not, since we don’t have the books. But the evidence points to it being extremely unlikely that he’s the real deal. Like I also said, however, I’m not sure it really matters whether he is or not. So far as he knows, he’s truly Elia and Rhaegar’s son. His name is Aegon, he was raised to be a king, he seems to be quite a decent young man (people who cite him tipping over the cyvasse board can suck it), he will probably ride a dragon at some point, and so on. At the end of the day, who he’s biologically related to doesn’t seem super relevant.

[howlingmoonrise]

Thoughts on Petshop of Horrors: Wandering Ark volume 3

(crossposted from dreamwidth)

me realizing a whole-ass 25 pages of the last volume of the papa series are just sensei's travel logs:

what did i do to deserve this, honestly? sensei i love you and all but THERE WERE SO MANY OTHER THINGS TO COVER ABOUT PAPA. AND YOU DIDN'T TOUCH THEM. AT ALL.

To start with, there's only two actual chapters in the volume, keeping in line with the previous volumes. A whooping total of 103 pages out of a 128 page manga - except, a good portion of one of them is pretty much just rehashing the events of the last volume of the original manga, so it's not exactly like they're overflowing with juicy new content. Vesca and Victor fans will be pleased at a new glimpse of them both though, with emphasis on Vesca. 

Oh, you wanted an explanation for the ark? For why Papa was going around supposedly through "space and time", with a reason other than "well, I wanted to draw stuff from other eras but I don't want to write a whole new manga with a D from back then"? There's none. N-O-N-E. Zilch. Zip. Nada. Niente. Nothing about his relationship with Sofu (though they do briefly meet on Victor's funeral - and wow, am I surprised Sofu deigned to show considering how much he loves humankind), nothing about D or Papa's relationship with him beyond an outsider's point of view on the events of the last manga, nothing about the D species in general or glimpses at previous Ds that were likely alive before our D came into being.

Another bad point: what the hell was up with the cover art? 

The top portion of it is fine, but why does the rest of it look like whoever painted it forgot how to shade things? Look at that belt. Look at those sleeves. That's all I have to say on this subject.

On to the chapters themselves!

--

First chapter:

Papa D helps with The Bachelor. No, really. It's literally a Bachelor-style show, recorded for TV, with one single man and twenty ladies competing to become his wife. Trigger warning for almost-rape in this chapter.

I'll be honest, I liked the main character for this chapter. She's a go-getter, and a survivalist, and prefers stuffing her face with food instead of flirting away the night. Honestly? Mood. I really liked the butler too. I was going on a "oh, is he going to be the actual love interest?" line of thought since he looked interesting, and then went "nah, they're not focusing on him at all beyond that one (1) scene where they were dancing, guess he's just a side character after all", only for him to actually turn out to be the final love interest. That was. Hm. To say that it was majorly underdeveloped is to put it lightly, but the "prince" wasn't great either. The attempted rape felt as if it was shoved in because they were running out of pages though, since the rest of what we saw from his personality seemed a lot mellower than that.  

The ?prostitutes? were an unexpected bright spot, even though they only showed up for a couple of panels, but it was nice that they gave her food (however dismissively) and tried to get the other guy to leave her alone, and that they were simply described as "beautiful" instead of anything else.

OH BUT. Papa hitting the would-be rapist over the head with an oar was great, it actually gave a bit more dimension to him since the Ds are usually so unwilling to dirty their own hands when it comes to violent business: at most they would usually let their pets do the work for them.

Which actually brings me to another question.

I've already said before that Papa is at most a side character on his own series, and that he actually barely gets involved at all apart from a few nudges here and there - but it's kind of jarring that he almost never "sells" a pet in this series. On all volumes including this one, there are only two chapters where he gives away a pet that was already with him and that didn't initially belong to someone else that he was just returning: the dogs from the Austria chapter, and the bird from Empress one (who was actually said to be given by Sofu, but I'm calling bullshit since he had long hair and this is supposedly a time-travelling ark). It's definitely a weird choice for a manga whose title is, quite literally, "Petshop of Horrors".

Also, for a FLYING ark there sure seem to be a lot of water-related incidents.

Thoughts on the family thing down on the general thoughts section. Also, WHY IS IT AN OAR AGAIN? WHERE DID THE BUTLER FIND AN OAR, SINCE IT SEEMED LIKE IT WASN'T PAPA LENDING IT TO HIM? I can't say the penguin thing was a huge twist considering previous chapters, but it makes me wonder that so many of Papa's stories are directly about either humans or animals, but rarely the conjunction of both apart from brief exceptions. 

--

Second chapter: Nice callback to the original PSoH on the first page: I'm extremely fond of that description of the Ds, and it's fitting for a final chapter of a PSoH series. 

This chapter is a cameo for Victor (from the Sofu series which I haven't read yet but know some things about), and a full appearance for Vesca. Victor seems to have chosen the same path as Leon, though arguably he'd actually have the money for it since he's a baron. Travelling the world following rumours and sightings, in search of someone they considered to be dear to them? Sign all three of these blonds up, because it seems to be a tradition at this point. The Ds really have a type, huh? Truth be told, from what I heard of Victor I didn't think he'd be the adventure-seeking sort, so this was a bit of a surprise. He looks cute and happy piloting planes and running from rhinos so I guess that's all that matters though.

BUT WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE POOR. He looks like a huge cinnamon roll so I feel super bad for him, I bet they all resented the money he spent trying to chase Sofu D across the globe once the Great Depression hit :/  

And then, bam! Sofu cameo. This is the chapter where EVERYONE gets a cameo, copy-paste of the last chapter of OG PSoH or otherwise. He's cryptic as usual, and I REALLY didn't expect him to remember Victor's name, much less show up to his funeral. Not that he even looks like he's grieving; he pretty much only speaks of Hitler and Eva Braun's kirin, to Papa's seemingly frowning disapproval (I haven't complained about the round art style on this volume's commentary yet so consider this to be it: the only reason why Papa even looks put out is because he has a Very Clear Frowny Line, because otherwise he just looks normal... and round). 

And then finally, some actual Papa content! Or, er, Vesca content. Both. Let's go with both. I don't want to make myself sad thinking about how little we saw of Papa on his own series. Here we see once again mentions of extinction and of resurrecting species, and finally a throwback to why the ark is an ark: "Noah's Ark". It took me RNS' translations of OG PSoH to understand the reference back on the original, because on Tokyopop's mangled translation the ark is merely a flying boat. 

It's nice to see that Vesca has a strong sense of justice similar to my dear boy Leon Orcot, since it was a bit iffy on the original manga. He's righteous (and right!) about the other Professor using Papa's research, and how Papa should have the benefits of it for himself since he was the one doing the studies. Papa, however, cares little about money or glory: even now his focus is on recovering the blind bird species from their trip to Greece (see: Shin PSoH), and here we see once again his hopeful view that one day he may be able to help them see again. Parallel to his own family much? Honestly, I feel for him.

WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE SHOOTING PAPA? At this point he's trying to reach for Leon's record - and failing, because Leon gets shot and mauled a frankly unholy amount of times during the original PSoH, so no one else can ever really compare. What really breaks my heart here is that he actually asks why. Sofu and D would both have simply taken it for granted, but Papa (seemingly, up until this point) doesn't automatically assume the worst of every human being he comes across. That pained why kills me a little bit, here, and soon after he grows cold and allows the more murderous side of that contract to go loose.

That page with Vesca going into the FBI really throws me back to the panels on the original PSoH right before/right when Leon decides to chase after D. Part of the background is blank, the other part a faint image of the city and Chinatown, with a sense of detachment associated with them. I could probably take the time to place them side by side and compare fully, but uh. I may or may not be stretching my workday bedtime a little too much to finish writing this, oops.

Also, an echo to the original PSoH with Papa's death, called back with him nearly being shot in the middle of the forehead. The actual event is brought in shortly after Vesca gets to mind-rant about the Ds and his search for a few pages, and then flashback flashforward time! A whole six pages which are just portions of OG PSoH's last chapter redrawn from another angle. It's implied that Vesca was able to board the ark like Leon did due to a similar scene with lying in the clouds and sighting the ship amidst them, though whether he was able to stay or not is a whole new story. This is where the actual story ends.

--

Sensei's travel logs: I'm not going to bother going into these. It was nice to see some glimpses of my son (forever a Leon stan here!) and a cameo for Taizuu also showed up a little later on if you're one of the people who liked him (personally, I would trade Taizuu in for a cornchip and a ball of lint). I'm going to make the executive choice of pretending that the D/Leon bits are what's actually happening right now after Leon caught up to D. It's lovely to see them on vacations, and Leon has mellowed out a little bit while D seems extremely comfortable and content with his favourite ex-detective's presence =v=

--

General thoughts: All the series so far seem to have some sort of theme, which kind of ties into the main character of it and their own arc. The original PSoH, for one, was focused a lot on family and greed and love and desire: our D, similarly, had plenty of unresolved issues surrounding his bloodline and things that he wanted but that he couldn't/was not allowed to have because of that very blood.

You'll have to forgive me if my interpretation of Shin is spotty since I only read around half of it (online scans only went up to volume 6 or so, physical versions of the Tokyopop translations were discontinued, and ruthlessnightsscans started scanlating it after I’d already read the available chapters for Shin), but from what I remember of it it seemed to bring in softer, more loving and lighthearted stories, usually tied around romance and being kept apart from things they want/love. The two non-Leon chapters that immediately spring to mind are the Romeo and Juliet Mafia AU, and the one where the lady got pregnant from her dead husband and was able to live on due to that renewed hope. D himself seems to have turned a new page: he hangs around humans on his leisure time (bless those drag queens), takes a vested interest in happy endings for others even if not for himself, and seems overall less inclined towards gruesome murder.

(You'll have to forgive me, but I actually haven't read the Sofu series at all yet so I can't analyse that one. I wasn't even aware RNS had scanlated it until recently, but then again I hold a lot of rage against that slimy bastard (Sofu, not RNS, RNS are baby) and so I'm putting it off indefinitely. Oops?)

And then there's this one. It's probably no coincidence that so many of the stories are about reproduction and birth and continuing a dying species: this is something that chases Papa all the way from his college days not even considering his childhood, which we don't actually don't know about but can make an educated guess at down to his issues with his son and the faint madness of his last years. Even his death plays into this theme, with it ultimately working as an way to keep the D line alive. It makes me think that Papa being kept from his position as a main character in his own series might actually be somewhat purposeful, though the decaying quality of the latest PSoH mangas makes me think this is not the case. I'll have to read the Sofu series to make a better judgement on this, depending on whether or not Sofu is or is not treated similarly. 

Another theme: being haunted by the dead. I think this is actually present on almost every chapter of the Wandering Ark series, though we may disagree on the levels on which it was shown and how easily it is or is not divorced by my previous point. A reader that reads this series on its own will likely find Papa a very bland character and will not grasp onto the nuances of these themes and how they are connected to him, IMO. These conclusions and these hypothesis are drawn by virtue of the first manga alone; it's because of it that we're aware of how Papa himself lives for the species who are long gone, his own kind included. Most of the characters on Wandering Ark push through the suffering and the sorrow of their dead to go beyond their limits and become greater and independent, which is another parallel to Papa since he's the only one of the Ds who has an objective beyond simple (and inefficient) vengeance.

Overall, there's little else I can say that I haven't said already, either here or on my previous post for the first two volumes of the Wandering Ark series. There's a real sense of isolation and detachment on Papa's side (though he seems more benevolent than the other two Ds were), but as I said I'm not sure if it's meant to be purposeful or not, though Sensei's choice to not give him an actual companion thorough his series is also telling. The pacing was also better than in the first chapters of this series, though there was that issue with the ending of the first chapter of this volume. I also still can't say this enough, but it's really strange that Papa is such a side character on his own series??

Final thoughts: we were robbed.

At least Sensei hinted that her journey with the Ds might not be over yet, though if we get another Sofu manga I can and I will riot.

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

So, here's the thing....

I don't really follow the news. It has to be pretty big to get my attention as I spend legit 99% of my time working one of three careers and being a mom/wife/daughter.

It has to be big. COVID big. Black Lives Matter big.

It has to be REALLY frigging big for me to even remotely pay attention to what's happening and that's usually only because someone points it out to me.

I know there is a lot of evil shit going on in the world, but in the sad reality that is my minuscule amount of time to do something for myself, watching the news is not one of the things I do.

I'm not a political blog. I'm in no way an activist. I stand up against injustice when I see it, but for the most part - dudes, I'm an ostrich. I watch netflix and occasionally scroll through the news on my way to my Google drive. I know zilch on what else is happening outside my bubble.

Sad, I know, but true. There is NO time. Nadda.

But, for some reason recently, I'm getting A LOT of anons about this that and the next thing happening news wise all over that I legit know nothing about. I'm not sure why y'all are coming to me for this when I'm just a writer writing fiction.

I'm not going to tell you to stop, because messages of any kind are nice, but I likely won't respond to the majority of them because I am not a news blog.

I try hard not to add to the discourse that is already so prevalent on this sight and in this world, and make my blog not only a safe place but one that people can, hopefully, find a respite from the crazy happening in the world.

So I apologize if you're anonymous messaging me and not getting responses, but that's why.

T~

[stimmypaw]

stimmypaw reads Thunder & Shadow, another blog post

much like the first time, I am continuing to read A Vision of Shadows for the first time and sharing my thoughts as I go! This post of course has a bunch of spoilers for Thunder and Shadow. It’s all in the read more, have fun!

I'm so glad echosong is okay but what will she do??? Where will she go??? I'm so worried

I don't like it that Briarlight is stuck in the medicine den all day, love to see her playing with kits and showing her strength tho she's so sweet and good she deserves better

Now littlecloud is sick too???? Fuck!!!!

Also seems Needlepaw and Alderpaw haven't managed to get along better yet, maybe Alderpaw can talk to her through Leafpool since she's going to Shadowclan?

Also graystripe is awful as always and I love him 2 bits

I love Rowanstar's character too, he's so stupidly proud. Shadowclan has a fun trend of having a long line of mediocre to awful leaders and I feel bad for Tawnypelt, Shadowclans braincell who should be leader.

Jayfeather is gonna miss his friends

YES, SKYCLAN!!!! SKYCLANNNN

Twigkit lifting her front paws im 💖💖💖💖 AAAAA BABY

Graystripe :] he's silly

Omg feather time

If something bad happens to this feather ill fraud my taxes I will commit many crimes this delivery must happen safely and if anyone takes it from violetkit I will Kill

Omg sleekpaw don't be so mean poor littlecloud :c medicine cats are important!!

I see alderpaw leaving his feather behind alderpaw get it to violetkit Now

Oh God imagine being puddlekit, shadowclan needs to get its shit together real fast

Leafpool is just that picture (i do not see) while trying to process the mess they got her in

OKAY SO I'm glad he's getting along with needlepaw and that he can finally give violetkit her feather but LITTLECLOUD GUYS??? LITTLECLOUD?????????

My heart melted with violetkit, this was so sweet, why are the queens so mean to her??? She's just an autistic icon bro!! Like every cat I like in these books.

Alderpaw: hey I have an idea, why don't we commit crimes?

Needlepaw: FINALLY I THOUGHT YOUD NEVER ASK

VIOLETKIT POINT OF VIEW FINALLY???? FUCK YES YESSSS YES YES SHADOWCLAN TIME IM SO HAPPY THIS IS SO COOL

Last time this happened the character immediately died tho

Hm

I am suffering for violetkit

i wish violetkit would spend more time with leafpool im sure she’d be caring maybe?? maybe im just desperate for violetkit to be loved

no one here knows how to treat a kit

OH YES YESSS

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS SSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATHEYRE TOGETHER AGAIN

im so sad

im 

broooooo

aaaaa i hope needlepaw treats violetkit better from now on, this is hearbreaking.

Fuck I knew it, the rogues are coming for them aren’t they? And where’s Skyclan now????? fuck fuck fuck

ok I have no clue who Fernsong is but he’s funny already why is he like this what is happening why is he blocking them from looking at Honeykit while talking about how worried he is about her?? Absolutely misterious I love him

  Jayfeather 🤝 Yellowfang

 “I don’t want kits around me”

oh the girls are fighting

oh the girls ARE fighting

furzepelt had a cool name im sorry to hear he only existed to die immediately :c

onestar also is very proud, im glad he accepted help this time tho

SPARKPAW MED CAT MOMENT HAHAH

i forgot bumblestripe was a cat and i was wondering if it was just a typo for bramble

also what’s up with dove and tiger??? i forgot everything about their relationship in the previous books because i don’t care about it and the erins tend to write some pretty boring straight couples

the way they’re described makes me feel like needlepaw and sleekpaw are just differently colored versions of each other at times, are they related?? they don’t seem to be.

and here’s the bit that’s previewed, oh boy, it must have been seriously scary being violetkit, but i hope they don’t convince her the clans hate her :c thunderclan likes her shadowclan just sucks

What do these background cats want from Twigkit???? To shoot lasers out of her eyes?? I guess she isn’t magical or anything but also she’s just a kit??? Firepaw was also just a kittypet and he’s a big deal :/// y’all just don’t get it, I hope Twigkit doesn’t get Dovepaw’s protagonist anxiety

I know Twigkit is being scolded but this scene is just so cute like Jayfeather is just tucking her in a moss bed while being mad at her for leaving camp

Thats another one I need to draw i love them

SPARKPELT YESSSSS YESS SYE SYES YES 🎊🎉🎉🎉🎊🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈💖💖💖💖💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💕

Mothwing ableist????? That's cringe

Omg poor kestrelflight

Jayfeather misses Leafpool so bad, Puddlepaw must feel awful though

OLD AGE? H HOW OLD IS LEAFPOOL THEN???

?????? OH GOD IM LOVING THIS???

This apprentice rebellion is Nuts its so good oh fuck!!! I'm loving whats happening here its awful and perfect

Violetkit is getting bitter :c she needs 2 be embraced and loved stat

She is also clearly getting some bad dependency and abandonment issues, desperate to do anything to please so she won't be left alone again :c

FUCK NO NO NO AAAA NEEDLEPAW WHAT WWERE YOU THUNKING??????? JESUS POOR VIOLETKIT

Kitnapping, this is bad

Oh, very interesting

These apprentices and rogues are so smart god this is a perfect plan

Twigkit absolutely is the sunshine

I love her interactions with Alderpaw, I wish she had gotten to see her sister

In comparison Violetkit looking around camp desperate for attention is awful

Oh fuck bribing

NEEDLEPAW DONT BE MEAN TO VIOLETKIT :C

Oh fuck ou fuck the 4chan kids are angry

??? BRO WHAT??? DONT KICK OUT VIOLETKIT, THATS WHY YOUR APPRENTICES TURNED INTO ANCAPS DAMN

I'm angy

Oh no

Something bad happened :c

Bramblestar: good day!

Rowanstar: Oh Is it??? You could say that while starving in winter, cringe ass

Mistystar: its not winter tho

Onestar: well you're fat

God rowanstar must be obliterated

Hey where's the rowanstars maps use idk loon on a lake or something this man has angst!!!

I appreciate Ivypool is her mentor, at least Someone is honest about whats going on and hey they can both relate on the fear of not being special! Ivypool can be very good to Twigpaw im counting on her

Oh fuck

Violetpaw sounds like she's in trouble with the rogues :c aa

AAAA TWIGPAWWWW AAAA

Violetpaw don't be mean about your sister :C she misses you so bad

Sleekwhisker is like that dad that let his kid starve until she learned to open a bean can she didn't want

Holy fuck

Aaaa violetpaw D:

Jesus christ that was awful

That was so intense I was so nervous for Violetpaw, I'm really happy for her now aaaa

Another gathering already? Wowie

I hope Shadowclan gets those herbs soon :c

I see he appeal in FernIvy and I appreciate it

Violetpaw and Twigpaw sharing a den my heart......this is IT

Jayfeather: I want to steal

I'm listening to Burn Pygmalion! and "viscious kin" is very fitting for this series ehhehe

I love violetpaw and twigpaw btw

IM CRYING

I cant believe Alderpaw is an all lives matter kinda guy

Yesss rebel get those herbs alreadyyy

Starclan has agreed to let kestrelflight kill onestar, goodbye onestar /j

Epic I love you harespring

Alderpaw being confused at Jayfeather saying he is proud is the Best

What an ending! Terrifying and hopeful at the same time, I am very excited to see the hijinks Bramblestar and Rowanstar will get into and how they will go searching for Skyclan, it was PAINFUL to have that prologue talking about them with 0 hope of them showing up again Nothing Nada Zilch, feels like that and the ending were just 2 remind us that that was still the major plot point hahaha, I appreciate it I guess. I'm glad Violetpaw and Twigpaw are on uh good terms despite it all, not very ideal and they're both upset but they still consider each other siblings and know they care about each other :'0 Alderheart getting his name is epic too!!! I was hoping he would soon. I loved everything about his interactions with Jayfeather here, loved all the characterizations really it was just top notch, Onestar being a bastard, Needletail, OH AND SHADOWCLAN JOINING THE ROGUES, top notch!!!! The ancap apprentices were a riot.

This was a good book!!! Flowed very nicely and smoothly, reading in shadowclan's point of view for more than around 3 chapters was great. I can barely wait for the rest!!! Will Violetpaw find belonging in this new era of Shadowclan??? Or will she leave again??? Will Alderheart somehow figure out where Skyclan is and get them together at the lake??? Will Twigpaw get all the spicy details of Dovewing's secret romance with Tigerheart??? Who knows!! But I am very excited to find out what happens next :D

[mittensmorgul]

Hello. Is there a chance that you know when the decision about Chuck beeing the villain of the entire show was made? And more specifically was season 9 written with this point of view?

Hi there! I’m sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days, but I’ve been turning it over and over in my head trying to figure out how to actually answer. Because I don’t think this is something that was like the writers just suddenly decided, and began plotting everything else in the story around that fact, you know? And while it might be interesting to puzzle over, it doesn’t affect how I personally engage with the show.

I’ve written many times about the difference between a Watsonian Reading of a text versus a Doylist Reading of a text, and why sometimes understanding the Doylist might inform the watsonian read you’re willing to accept, so I can understand the interest in wondering if there was a moment in the writing room where it was declared that Chuck Was Not A Good Guy, and that the entire story should be told with that underlying assumption. For me, personally, it’s been clear since 4.18 that Chuck was not really a good guy, long before it was revealed that he was really God.

Was this always the intent of the writers? We just don’t know. I don’t think it matters. He always came across to me (ESPECIALLY in 5.22) as a self-important dick... but I know a lot of people really love his monologue on everything, and have always had rather warm feelings about it. So was their intent to make him seem smugly self-satisfied from the start, or is that an angle that later showrunners and writers seized upon and played up? Does it even matter when the story has made it clear now that Chuck has been the villain of the entire show from the start?

I understand how my personal opinion from the start here has probably made it easier for me to roll with the more recent canon revelations about Chuck than it would be for folks who have always believed that Chuck was a Good Guy from the start, that God would ultimately be on their side, or that if God wasn’t actively helping them, it was only because he was testing them or having them prove themselves to themselves or whatever. I understand people have clung to the notion that he was essentially still a good guy, even through all the shadiness. I just... could never see him that way.

ESPECIALLY after s11. I don’t think Chuck’s characterization has really changed since then. It’s just been... unmasked for what it really is. I think everything Chuck The Prophet was saying back in 4.18 about being a cruel and capricious god was... pretty on the nose. Then again, I’m fairly sure that Andrew Dabb took over the showrunning duties in mid-s11, and began setting up what he knew would eventually become the series endgame run, with Chuck as the final big bad. So that run up to the end of s11... was Dabb’s doing...

I don’t really know how much Chuck’s character (his fictional being, in addition to just... his personality, like how we’d talk about the character of real people, the quality of his essential being or whatever) played a part in the writing from 5.22 when he “vanished” through 10.05 when he appeared to tell Marie “not bad” at the end of her musical, and then again from that point until he dragged Metatron to the bar at the end of the universe in 11.20. I’m fairly certain that as soon as they began writing s11 and determined that Amara would be “God’s sister” that they knew that Chuck would have to make an appearance eventually. And the entire storyline of the MoC having been derailed and repurposed in mid s10 likely facilitated the escalation of the story. But again... I’ve written heckloads of stuff about s10, the accordion plot, how Carver had been writing toward a series finale in 10 until they got word they’d be renewed and wanted to keep going, and jerked the whole story onto a completely different narrative track in the back half of s10. As a seasonal arc, s10 will forever be my least favorite, because it’s just... a mess. Yes, even s6 comes across more coherent than s10, just looking at the overarching narrative structure. Episode wise, s10 probably wins for a few stellar entries, but yeeeeeesh, it’s a structural disaster overall.

But I have a tag for that, and lots and lots of posts, and Carver himself saying that this was exactly what happened there, so... I think it’s probably valid to say that the writers really hadn’t even thought much about Chuck until the MoC became about the Darkness in 10.23, and then they had to invent a whole mythology to bring in this super-powerful God-level power to the story, and “God’s sister!” sounded like a solid plan...

So I’d say that Chuck was being set up at that point to have to answer for his “original crime” of locking up the Darkness, you know? Though I don’t know how much of how it played out by the end of s11 was Carver’s doing, or Dabb’s. I am fairly certain that from the moment Dabb took over (quietly mid-s11, and possibly knowing he’d be tapped to take over before then and beginning to lay down tracks toward his eventual story plan, and then completely by 11.23) that what we’re seeing play out in s15 was always his intent.

But in s9? I don’t think Chuck was really even on any of the writers’ radar, at all. Even if they all were working from the perspective that he was God in the Supernatural universe. I just don’t think it affected what they were writing, you know?

Well, I mean, there’s earlier episodes where God was referenced... I mean 5.16 Dark Side of the Moon (hey, written by Dabb!) where we learned that God knew all about their problems, but he didn’t think it was HIS problem... I mean from that moment on, it’s really difficult to think of God as a charcacter who’s on their side, you know? And the end of the story he’d been content with was Sam in Hell for eternity, and Dean miserable in suburbia for eternity, and Cas probably being subjugated by Heaven and the Apocalypse starting again anyway... I mean... ew...

Or in 6.20, when Cas prayed to God, begging for a sign, begging for help, to do the right thing, he got NOTHING in return, zip, zilch. He did the only thing he could, and in retrospect, wasn’t releasing the leviathans something Chuck was probably deliriously happy about? More monsters and mayhem! A beloved hero character becoming the villain in the process! I mean, in s9 when Metatron was “Playing God” and trying to write his own story of the universe, isn’t this exactly the story he wanted to create too? Kinda on the nose there, even if they weren’t actively portraying Chuck himself as the bad guy here. They were explicitly telling us that Metatron was literally rewriting God’s playbook as self-insert fanfic.

So even if they weren’t actively writing Chuck as the big bad, they used Metatron-- the scribe of God-- to fulfill that function. In 11.20, when Chuck talks with Metatron about his turn playing God:

CHUCK: You know, you really are a terrific editor, Metatron.METATRON: (Chuckles.) Well, I was a terrible writer. A worse god. It's good I've got something going for me.CHUCK: (Takes off his glasses and stops typing.) Yeah, you know, I have to say, I didn't see the whole evil-turn thing coming.METATRON: Mm-hmm.

CHUCK: (Chuckling.) Why did you try to be me?METATRON: That was just a sad, pathetic cry for attention.CHUCK: (Chuckling.) Who's attention were you trying to get?METATRON: Yours.

He takes all of this and tries to turn it around, to deflect blame from himself as if he hadn’t literally done everything Metatron did, and more.

METATRON: It wasn't just the saps who were praying to you. The angels prayed, too. And so did I – every day.CHUCK: I know.METATRON: You want to sell the best-selling autobiography of all time? You explain to me – Tell me why you abandoned me. Us.CHUCK: Because you disappointed me. You all disappointed me.METATRON: (Stands up and looks at CHUCK with wet eyes.) No, look. I know I'm a disappointment, but you're wrong about humanity. They are your greatest creation because they're better than you are.(CHUCK starts to look more guilty as he looks at METATRON.)METATRON: Yeah, sure, they're weak and they cheat and steal and... destroy and disappoint. But they also give and create and they sing and dance and love. And above all, they never give up! But, you do!

But even after Metatron’s sacrifice, even after everything nearly falls apart, Chuck STILL tries to weasel out of responsibility for anything, still tries to deflect and minimize, even blames Amara for why he had to lock her away in the first place. And that hasn’t changed about him one whit, from the start right through the present. It’s always been an essential part of his character, and he’s been called out on it repeatedly in s15 by Becky, by Amara, by Sam, by Dean... probably by Michael, too. Like... this is how he’s always been, it’s how he’s always been written, even if the intent had never been to explicitly unmask him as the ultimate big bad of the entire series until the end of s11.

Like Amara accused him in 11.22:

Chuck: I'm sorry. For this, for everything.Amara: An apology at last. What's sorry to me? I spent millions of years crammed in that cage... alone... and afraid, wishing -- begging for death, because of you! And what was my crime, brother?!Chuck: The world needed to be born! And you wouldn't let me! Amara, you give me no choice.Amara: That's your story. Not mine. The real reason you banished me, why I couldn't be allowed to exist... you couldn't stand it. No, we were equals. We weren't great or powerful, because we stood only in relation to each other. You think you made the archangels to bring light? No. You made them to create lesser beings, to make you large, to make you Lord. It was ego! You wanted to be big!

and he admitted to Becky in 15.04:

CHUCK: Things were said. Uh… Now I’ve found msyself low on, um… resources. I went to ask my sister for help, and she rejected me. ‘Cause she sucks. And now I’m just… stuck. So, I thought I’d come see you, my number-one fan. And, I don’t know, see if you can help make me feel big again.BECKY: So, you want me to… fluff you?CHUCK: I mean, no.BECKY: You do. You thought you could just come back to me, your pathetic ex, your number-one fan, and get what you’ve always gotten from me… a nice big crank on your ego.

Meanwhile, in 11.22, Amara had asked him if he wouldn’t change, why should she? Yet... she DID change, beginning in 11.23 when she reconciled with Chuck. Only... he never did change at all.

So... to finally circle back to your question again... I don’t know if it’s relevant what the writers were thinking about Chuck and any random potential for him to return to the story in any capacity, let alone as God, let alone as the eventual Ultimate Series Big Bad back when they were writing s9. I don’t even think God/Chuck was on their radar at all, because I don’t think the entire MoC storyline was crafted with the end result that it would be the key to the Darkness’s prison. At least not way back in s9 when the MoC was dreamed up. It only ever evolved into that because of the narrative disaster of the s10 plot accordion. Which is why, while I fucking HATE s10 for it, I can’t be all that mad about what it unwittingly brought about, either.

Heck I hope any of this makes any sense whatsoever. This is one of those subjects that’s just like “insert key, wind mittens up, watch her go” :’D

[clumsybookworm18]

and my burden to bear is a love (i can’t carry anymore) | pt.6

ao3 | Moodboard | parts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

Summary: Josh awakens after dawn and makes an upsetting discovery.

A/N: This is me trying to write a simple flashback scene that ended up turning into a whole chapter and a bunch of ANGST™

 Enjoy :)

Josh didn’t remember how he got here.

One moment he was in the mines. The next, he was walking through the station’s doors. The precinct was crawling with activity. Phones continuously ringing, rangers coming in and out, even a few EMTs walked in. For the life of him Josh couldn’t remember how he got here. Everything was so fuzzy. 

The mines... He’d been in the mines with Mike. They were supposed to regroup with Sam and the others at the lodge. But he doesn’t remember getting out of the mines… He followed Mike. He saw a stranger's body hanging on a hook. He jumped into the freezing water. And then… and then… and then what?

Josh peered down at himself. His- the Psycho’s- overalls had been replaced by black clothes. His hands weren’t dirty anymore. His face no longer hurt. What happened? Did he make it out? Had the others?

He approached the man sitting in the front desk. Josh cleared his throat. “Excuse me.” 

The man didn’t look up.

“Uh excuse me,” he repeats a little more louder. The man still didn’t look up.

Okay, rude. “What are you, deaf? Hellooo?”

Still not looking at him.

“Listen pal, I just had one of the worst nights of my life so if you could help me out here, that’ll be fucking swell.”

But the man kept scribbling some forms on the desk and didn’t answer him. 

Oh, fuck this.

His eyes flickered towards the open door where an officer just came out of. Since the man in the front desk was still ignoring him, Josh saw no fault in walking in. Nobody stopped him as he made his way through the hallway, nobody acknowledged him. 

For a moment, Josh wondered if this was another of his hallucinations, but it didn’t feel like one. Usually his hallucinations involved accusations or pointed fingers at him. Here, there was nobody telling him what a piece of shit he was, instead they were just ignoring him. 

“Okay…” he murmured to himself. “This is freaking me the fuck out.”

Even with all the activity, there was a preternatural quiet- like an omen. Josh kept walking, ignoring the trepidation that tugged inside him. The flutter of uneasiness that grew as he slowly treaded farther. He took a turn and-

There she was. Sitting alone in the hallway, was Sam, her fingers clutching the blanket thrown around her shoulders. 

“Sam,” he breathes, relieved to see a familiar face.

He doesn’t hesitate to approach her but she doesn’t look up, not even when he’s standing right in front of her. Josh frowns, studying her in the wan light, his eyes going to the blood smeared across her forehead and her cheek. She looked like she’d been to hell and back. “Sam.”

She didn’t answer. He grew more nervous with every passing second of silence. Josh knew he’d fucked up, that he and his friends weren’t on the best terms at the moment but Sam wasn’t one to ignore him for the sake of it. Especially at a time like this. Josh kneeled before her, her unseeing eyes making him uneasy. This wasn’t the same girl he saw in the mines. 

Something was wrong.

“Sammy?” He raised a hand to brush a stray lock of hair from her face only for it to go through her. Josh stumbled back, falling on his ass. 

Something was very wrong. 

He touched his chest, his face, but they felt solid. He felt a sinking dread as he reached out, as he tried to touch Sam again but his hand went straight through. 

What. The. Fuck.

“Samantha Giddings?” 

They both looked up to see a cop approaching. Josh didn’t react fast enough, didn’t have time to move away before the man walked right through him. He doesn’t feel it, not physically, but the reality of the situation arrowed into him. 

No. No way this was happening. Not to him. This had to be some mistake, he couldn’t… he wasn’t...

Dead.

Josh’s ears were ringing. No one can see him, no one could hear him, no one could touch him. Shit, someone just walked through him like he was nothing... 

The cop said something. Josh couldn’t hear him. His eyes went to Sam again. She was being led to a door labeled as Interview Room 1. He called her name in a hoarse whisper. 

Look back. Please.

She didn’t.

***

Rain fell without mercy as Josh walked upon rows and rows of gravestones, the sound of water hitting stone growing louder with every step he took. The cemetery was empty, something he didn’t find surprising, considering that not many people liked to spend their time among the resting dead. 

After that godawful funeral that put his memory to shame, Josh didn’t know where else to go. Didn’t know what else to do. Since there was no way in hell he was going back to the manor (he had already haunted those halls long enough), he’d ended up making the graveyard his new lair. Josh was still getting used to the idea of being dead when he wasn’t actually gone. Not completely. And he found the grim ambiance of it all a perfect fit for his new predicament. 

He finally reached the miniature city of mausoleums, striding his way across the sea of white marble to enter what had been appointed as his permanent residence. It had grown dark inside thanks to the stormy weather, the only light in the room coming from the candles placed on the small altar and the entryway. 

The Washington mausoleum was a big, black block of granite with stained glass windows and arched bronze doors, placed on the outskirts of the cemetery with the ominous Washington supported by roman columns. Posh. Lofty. A bit Gothic. Pretty hard to miss. 

What can he say, his family had a dramatic flair. Himself included.  

For the past few days, he’d been prowling around the grounds, searching for signs of any other ghosts, lost souls, anything at all. Something that indicated that he wasn’t alone on this other side. And the cemetery seemed like the perfect scenario for wandering spirits, with its eerie atmosphere, and the obscure mist surrounding the graves. Makes perfect sense that it would be haunted. Right?

Yeah, no. 

So far there have been no sightings of anything. Zero. Zilch. No other ghosts or spirits. No guardian angel to lead him up. No fiendish demons to lure him down. Not even the Grim Reaper himself. Nothing. He was truly alone on this ghostly plane. 

So Josh had been biding his time, lingering close to his crypt. Waiting for any signs or answers because something had to give. Fate, God, Death or whatever the fuck is supposed to be in charge couldn’t just leave him here. Stranded.  

The echo of footsteps alerted him to a presence. Josh instantly recognized the gait of the person striding his way. The heels of her shoes clicked against the polished granite floor, drowning the sound of the drizzle beating against the windowpanes. 

She hadn’t been to the funeral. Everybody else had gone. Chris. Ash. Mike. Even Emily. But not Sam. So nobody could really blame him for being surprised when she showed up to his family’s mausoleum out of the fucking blue. That she even showed up at all. 

She looked so tired. Even in the faint light he could see the smudged purple beneath her eyes, that familiar haunted look brought by a night of nightmares. He wanted to believe he was wrong, that this couldn’t be her. But it was. Josh was surprised to see how much she’d changed in such a short time. 

Sam stopped in front of the joint grave beside his and murmured something he didn’t quite catch, before hesitantly moving to his own. She ran a tentative hand over his name engraved on the stone. Josh didn’t like it. It felt so… final. Well, as final as it could get, since apparently death wasn’t as permanent as he would’ve liked it to be. 

Two tears slid down her face. Swift and cold. She didn’t wipe them away. “You lied to me.”

He went to stand next to her. “As much as I want to apologize, you can’t hear me,” he offers with a sad smile, looking at her face glowing in the dim light of the candles, her skin still glittering with rain. “So I won’t.” 

“I am so angry with you. Furious,” she went on, unaware of the ghost at her side, her eyes desolate. “But for the most part I’m just tired. Tired of racking my brain, of trying to understand why, and I just-” The snag on the words was like a blow to his intangible gut. Sam puts her hands on her face, running them up through her wet hair. “Fuck, I don’t even know what I’m doing here. It’s not like you can hear me or anything.”

“Hey, hey. Don’t.” He cups her face between his hands, trying to wipe away the tears. The corners of his mouth turned down when he couldn’t. “Don’t say that. I’m right here.”

He scans her eyes, her face, looking… What was he looking for? Some sign of recognition? And if so, was he able to handle Sam’s reaction? Would she still be saying the things she’s saying now? Would she recoil at the sight of him? Would she be scared? Or would she be angry? 

He drops his hands. If Josh were alive, she would hate him. He knows that much. 

But her face didn’t change. Her eyes were still liquid, somber, lost. “You know I was thinking about what I last said to you,” she said, her voice quiet and loud at the same time in the silent mausoleum. “‘Josh, do you have the key for the cable car.’ God, I was so stupid…. All I was thinking about was getting us out of that mountain, you know? I didn’t think about saying goodbye- didn’t think I needed to. You were supposed to come back with us.”

He remembers her urgent expression, clear in the darkness of the mines. The light of her headband shining brightly on his filthy face. Her cold, bloodied hands brushing his palm, her touch brief but soft as he handed the key. Her voice, somehow still composed, even after everything she had gone through, as she and Mike planned their escape while he uselessly stood on the sidelines. The quick glance she gave him before she climbed away.

Sam took a shuddering breath, her voice turned unsteady. “I know you were hurting. That you lost your sisters, that  your parents became more distant than they usually were, that you pushed everyone away but you had me… You had me. I only hoped that you saw that through this mess.” 

Josh doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know what to say. Not like it would matter anyways. So he only stands frozen in place as she walks out of the mausoleum, the rain still beats outside. 

Later that night, he finds himself staring up at Sam’s bedroom window like he had done so many times before. Only this time, the lights were off. 

***

Josh stays around her after that. 

The days came and went, and Sammy seemed unaware of the time passing. She mostly stayed in her room, not getting out of bed, refusing to eat, not answering any of her texts or calls. What little time she managed to sleep, she awoke gasping and shaking. The liveliness that lived inside her now quiet. A static that made him uneasy.  Everything about her was now static. 

She was a ghost. Just like him. 

Josh has stopped trying to make sense of it. He was dead and he couldn’t do anything about it. Instead, he spends his time trying to communicate with Sam, trying to let her know he was still there. But it’s proving to be difficult, especially when she doesn’t care about anything. She couldn’t hear him, no matter how loud he talked. He tweaks and moves some stuff here and there but she doesn’t pay any mind to it. Josh doesn’t bother to try touching her again, not wanting to see his hands go through her again. 

It was hard to see her like this. But Sam was strong. She could survive this. She could survive anything. 

Josh didn’t leave- he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. When he needed someone, Sam had been there. Month after month, Sam had been there for him. Even when he pushed everyone away, couldn’t bring himself to care about anything, Sam hadn’t given up on him. 

And Josh wouldn’t give up on her.  

***

She searches for him in the dead of night. Puzzling, since he was the root of many of her nightmares and yet she wakes up coated in cold sweat, her hand palming what used to be his side of the bed, searching for the familiar heat of his body. Hoping that her nightmares were just nightmares, and not the cold, harsh truth. But she could never forget for long. Inevitably, she relieves her grief all over again when she finds nothing but frigid sheets and emptiness. 

Sam adds it up to the fact she had gotten used to sleeping next to him, to the codependency they both developed  the last year (even though deep down she knows it was more than that- for her at least). A habit, she tells herself. And habits die hard. 

But she can’t help but feel that his presence was still there with her, hiding in the shadows. 

***

One afternoon Sam picks up her sketchbook. The one he gave her for her 19th birthday- the last one they celebrated together. She stared at it for a long time. Long enough that Josh was convinced she might throw it out in the trash or even burn it. But to his surprise, she flipped it open, flashing through the pages with enough agility that he couldn’t catch a glimpse of her older drawings, as if she herself didn’t want to see them either, until she settled on a blank sheet. 

Mindlessly grabbing a pencil, she started sketching, brows furrowed and hand gliding through the page forming unsure lines that turned into rough curves that turned into confident shapes, transforming into something. Josh looked over her shoulder and-

Huh. 

She had captured its cloudy predatory gaze, all of the sharp teeth and sharp claws, with its long limbs curved, the Wendigo looked ready to strike out of the page. Of all the things she could’ve drawn, she drew that. Don’t get him wrong, he was all in for the weird and creepy shit, but Sam? Trying to get her to watch a scary movie was a trial in itself. 

Sam doesn’t stop to take it in. No, she passed that page and started doing another sketch. Then another. And another. Before they both knew it, it was already dark out and Sam had spent most of her day doing something other than moping.  

***

The creepy drawings became a thing. Not that Josh was complaining. Her coping mechanisms were a hell lot better than his, that’s for sure. 

In a matter of days, Sam had turned her room into a makeshift art studio. An easel beside the window. Paintbrushes in glass jars. Charcoal stained finger prints. She’d dropped out of all of her classes and had nothing else to do but paint and draw. Channeling all of her pain, sadness, and frustration into her art. Josh lingered by her side as she poured her heart out, filling white sheets with mountains and darkness, with monsters and death. It was terrifying… he loved it. 

Sam had always downplayed her artistic skills, something Josh never understood. Sam was an artist, had always been. He’d seen it from something as simple as her nails, over to the rare occasions she’s shown him some of her drawings, either of a landscape she saw during one of her hikes, or a quick sketch of one of his sisters doing a silly pose (Beth) or staring off with a dreamy look on her face (Hannah). Hell, he was pretty sure she was the one that had helped Hannah design her tattoo. When he’d ask, she’d always shrugged it off with an It’s just a hobby. 

Josh knew, even if he was stuck on his own personal hell, that Sam was gonna be alright. 

Tags: @xmxisxforxmaybe​

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[chaoticriderlessb]

ID-0

Let’s talk about the Netflix anime, “ID-0″, for a bit. 

 I just wanna say, as someone who doesn’t usually do the whole sci-fi robots space genre, I actually really enjoyed this show! It’s become one of my favorites, and I’m honestly sad it doesn’t get much attention. I think it’s a great show, despite having only 12 episodes. 

 The only beef I have for it is that it does have a little annoying kid in it. But I can overlook that because the rest of the show is just great. (Most) of the characters are great, the music is great, the animation is great (even though, it’s usually not my preferred style), and I think even the plot is great. 

 I do wish it had more seasons, but sadly, it doesn’t look like it’s going to get picked up for a second one. I saw that the ratings didn’t seem to be high enough and, like I said, it doesn’t get a lot of attention. While a second season would be lovely, I’m ok with it being only one season. 

 The size of the show kinda reminds me of “Ghost Hunt”: having only (sadly) 1 season, doesn’t get much attention, doesn’t really get talked about...even the wiki has like, zilch on it, which kinda surprises me because you’d think every anime wiki would have a lot of info. I don’t know if “ID-0″ has a manga series...I haven’t seen one. Maybe that’s partly why it doesn’t get noticed, much? I dunno....

 Anyway, like “Ghost Hunt”, “ID-0″ is a small show, but a great one. At least, in my opinion. I’m currently watching it for the 3rd time in my life, and now, I’m also writing my own fanfic for it. I doubt it’ll get much attention, but hey. I mostly write these things for fun.

 If you’re into sci-fi, robot, space genre anime, maybe go and check out ID-0. It’s on Netflix, but it’s in English Dub, and I know a lot of anime fans are Sub people. That’s fine...you just might have to look for the show online, somewhere, that will have it in Sub. 

 Personally, I’ve never really been much for Sub. But! Only because I just can’t read and watch what’s happening at the same time. I just can’t. I don’t hate Sub, though. In fact, I’ve seen quite a few anime shows in Sub that aren’t or haven’t been dubbed, yet! I don’t have a problem with Sub! If you’re a Sub person, cool! If not, cool! I’m not, and that’s ok. I honestly don’t understand why a war breaks out everytime people talk about Sub vs Dub. I’m sorry, what is the point of that, exactly?

 Anyway, I’m going way off-track.

 If I had to give “ID-0″ a rating, I’d give it an 8.5/10. It would be higher if it weren’t for a certain character, but I’m not gonna go into that. I’d say I highly recommend this show...but that’s really up to you if you want to check it out. 

 Welp! That’s about it! I’ve got nothing else to say, except that I wrote this mostly because I was bored ^^;, but I did want to talk about the show, a bit. I’m off to go eat and write, so have a nice day or night, y’all!