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books-and-strawberry-tea · 19 days ago

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An Education in Malice: Review

★★⋆☆☆☆ 2.5/5

This book was like a road with speedbumps. It stayed steady for a while, then an event would happen, and finally! The story was taking off!…only to find that no…it was back to the steady road. I just finished this book, 20 minutes ago as of writing this. And I feel like I'm left wanting more, and not in a good way. I felt like this book missed the mark in so many ways. Spoilers and explanation under the cut off:

Warning: this book is 18+, has graphic sex scenes and horror/gore.

The book follows Laura and Carmilla in a dual POV. They both have travelled to attend Saint Perpetua's Academy to study poetry under Ms (Evelyn) De Lafontaine, a professor well known for her skills in poetry. The book goes on to explore the rather fround upon relationship between Carmilla and Ms De Lafontaine. De Lafontain takes Carmilla under her wing after Carmilla tracks her down and demands to be her pupil, and not daring to take no for an answer. By the time Laura comes along, Carmilla is in her senior year and has a well established and secretive relationship with De Lafontaine. Laura stumbles upon this one day after spying on Carmilla and De Lafontaine after being reprimanded for being late to class. THrough a crack in the door, she watches as De Lafontaine and Carmilla argue, before gently De Lafontaine hold Carmilla and drinks from her neck. Yup, De Lafontaine is a Vampire. With time, Laura comes to accept that Vampires are real, Carmilla and Laura have a blossoming romance, and De Lafontaine's jealousy grows to new hights.

A trio of possessive woman, a Vampire with dark secrets, and a sapphic romance. What could possibly go wrong?

Unfortunatly, the way the big events in the book just miss the mark. They arn't as impactful as they should be. Chapter 15 got really exciting. From Chapter 15 to Chapter 17, is where the first major events take place. De Lafontaine takes the girls into the bowls of the school, underground and into a crypt. Turns out, De Lafontaine has been searching for her lover and sire for 40 plus years, and she has finally found her. She is sleeping in a tomb, and to wake her, Isis must drink of human blood. De Lafontaine asked of Carmilla to help her revive Isis. And because of Carmilla's devotion and admiration, she obeys. Letting De Lafontaine slice her palm and poor her blood into Isis' mouth. The whole situation goes south when Isis awakes and attacks Carmilla. Ripping out her jugular and leaving her to bleed out on the floor. De Lafontaine is frantic and in a moment of desparation, feeds Carmilla her blood…starting her transition to the dark life of a vampire. She awakes and as most vampires when they turn, she ravenous. With much reluctance, Laura is convinced to let Carmilla feed from her. And this is where I have the first problem with this book. Before hand, although Carmilla and Laura have a budding romance, they are still rivals. Fighting for their teachers affection. Being snippy and rude to eachother. Well…mainly it's Carmilla to be honest. Nevertheless, they still are not what you'd call sweethearts. But once Carmilla turns, she is suddenly sweet on Laura, being possesive, and wanting to be next to her 24/7. And yes I understand it's probably because Laura is now her source of food. But this is not explained, it's not acknowledged. It just sort of…is. It feels rather jarring to be the reader.

Further in the book, now that Isis is awake, students in the school are winding up dead. The bodies brutalised and left around to be found. This of course puts the school into a frenzy. Laura and Carmilla are obviously concerned and start to piece together why. Isis is around and shes hungry. De Lafontaine tries to ease the girls minds by telling them she'll fix the situation. Except who knows what she does. If De Lafontaine does anything at all, you wouldnt know it. As this part of the story is not only kept from the characters, but also from the reader. You have no clue what is happening behind the scenes. This does not fill the story with mystery, it just leaves you without a reason to care about later events in the book. There is nothing written to get the reader emotinally invested in the story of De Lafontaine and her lover. So when suddenly, De Lafontaine tricks and kills Isis in the last few chapters, you don't 100% care about the sacrifice and loss De Lafontaine is going through. Yes, you find out Isis want to have Carmilla, and De Lafontaine is protecting her. But at this point in the book, it's already at the end of the story. The reader does not have a chance to connect with De Lafontaine on an emotional level. To the reader, she still remains a strict and standoffish professor that has an obsession with Carmilla. You don't see Isis with De Lafontaine in a way that makes you see the struggle that De Lafontaine is experiencing. You don't see her heart breaking for the lost love that she had with Isis. It's all hidden away. How is the reader meant to care about Isis dying, and De LaFontaine's sacrifice?

After Carmilla turns and Laura is established as her lover, there is a rather graphic sex scene. That normally I wouldn't care about. But honestly I don't even feel like the sex scene deserves an explanation. It's just straight up bad. Not because I don't like sex scenes. But because of how forced it felt. Carmilla, previously stating that she wants to have a proper chance at being with Laura, just ups herself over to a vampire at a party and starts low key having a 3some with a male vampire and another human woman. Laura, of course, is not happy about the situation. And marches over there, but is suddenly okay with it if she is telling Carmilla to kiss this guy? She's suddenly okay with public sex even though earlier in the book it explains shes a virgin and has kept her secret passions (old lesbian porn) away from most people? She suddenly okay with her lover proceeding like this as long as she's telling her what to do? Before too long the male vamp and the woman leave to another room, leaving Carmilla and Laura to have sex…IN FRONT OF DE LAFONTAINE! You know, the Vampire that is not only their teacher, but the one who is also extremely possessive over Carmilla? And she just walks off the play cards? Rarely ever mentioning that she didn't like what she saw? The whole scene just felt off, forced, and out of character.

I feel dissatisfied with this book. I was intrigued and unfortunately became victim of poor story telling. I was also disappointed by Carmilla's Bi representation. I don't normally care about representation personally. When I read a book, I want to read about other people rather then seeing myself in something. But as someone who is bisexual, Carmilla's sex scene really annoyed me. Saying she wants to be with Laura, and then jumping off to the male vampire without even a second thought? It just felt very typical of the whole 'bisexuals aren't faithful to their partners' garbage. It was just another example that left me feeling uncomfortable.

It's unfortunate, becasue some of the quotes I really liked. Here is some of the quotes:

'Nature, with all her airs and graces, attends on her favourites, painting cheeks with a rosy bloom, filling lungs with the sweet breath of life. Youth, in all her splendour, gleams on the skin of girls who process, heedless of death, towards beauty's consummation.' Poem Carmilla Recited

Love turns some people into birds or beggers, but you make me into an architecture. Into a sancturary of soft holy spaces shaped to catch the sound of your voice. These eyes: rose windows bathing you in light. These arms: alcoves open in shadow embrace. This heart: a confessinal dark enough for your sins. This mouth: a bell driving away demons and calling you home. Poem Laura Recited

'Love and pain grew in a thorny grove inside me, impossible to disentangle from one another.'

'But this girl, this Carmilla...she undid all my domestication. One smile from her and I wanted to loose my hair and chase her barefoot through the woods, I wanted to knock her to the ground and pin her like a butterfly, I wanted to dig my teeth into her plush lower lip, I wanted, I wanted.'

"Please, will you slow down?" I asked. "I'm not trying to make fun of you. I'm just..." Dangerously preoccupied with you. Bereft of any sense of pride that might keep me away from you. "Concerned."

"We were happy for a time. But love rots and spoils, it disintegrates with time like a rose in a vase, and soon there was nothing between us but animosity and arguments and the resentfulness of having to rely on each other."

"Well, what a miserable little band we all are. Bound by blood and secrecy, with no recourse to anyone but each other. It would almost be romantic, under more advantageous circumstances."

A sensible girl would leave. A good girl most certainly would. But I was tired of being sensible, and I was tired of being good. I couldn't walk away from what I was being offered: the chance to live an exceptional life.

She kissed me with a martyr's agonized desperation, like I was the only sword she ever wanted to fall on. I kissed her right back like the cutting edge of a blade, trying to inflict as much damage as possible. I wanted her to be able to think of nothing but this kiss when she was alone in her bed at night. I wanted her to feel just how much I reviled and desired her, to what maddening brink she drove me. I wanted her to want me so badly it hurt.

"You'll understand, in time. The way we suffer. The way the undying life tears everything good and beautiful from us, Sequestering us to a solitary existence of a thousand sleepless nights."

I felt certain that I could perish like this, suffocated by her thighs, and die perfectly happy.

#txt original #txt review #txt feels #book girly #books #bookish #bookblr #aussie #book obsessed #book #reading #booktok #an education in malice #s.t. gibson #Vampires #sapphic #romance #dark acedemia

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lifeiskentastic · 28 days ago

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Colt Seavers x Driver. - pt. 1

A/N: So. I'm back!!!! I know my last post was almost a year ago about a fangame with Ken that was like a fever dream... And now I remembered about this account and decided that maybe I could revive it :P. Anyway, remember that my English is bad, love you guys!;

Summary: "Hey. Do you want to come with us to the bar?" Colt didn't even hope for a positive answer, but his own manners and upbringing didn't allow him to pass by. Imagine his surprise when his colleague, after a second pause, nodded.;

Words count: 2774(omg);

I feel unsure about that one, but it took me out of writing block so I wanted to show it. Hope you enjoy!

Colt himself did not expect to return to work... In fact, in this life. Was it an impulsive decision? Maybe. Would he have preferred to stay at home, estranged from all his old friends and licking his wounds? Absolutely.

It was just that one day, Colt woke up and realized that his life completely, literally, sucked. Was this what he had dreamed of so fervently as a child, spending countless hours in front of the fuzzy screen of an old TV? But at the same time, Colt didn't want to go back to his old friends, in front of whom he had almost died some time in the past... It would have been the most embarrassing situation in his career, and even in his life. Yes, even more embarrassing than the time he got the wrong film sets and acted like a child lost in a supermarket.

But at the same time, the desire to be set on fire, hit by a car, beaten to death (on screen, of course) grew more and more. Maybe he just wanted to forget his problems, his past, at least in that moment when there was only him, the props and the director's shouts in the speaker. When moral pain is washed away by physical pain.

Despite the reasons, Colt has already found a reliable job for himself. Some kind of C-category debut movie, whose stunts can only be matched by its name. Seriously, "Heavy Metal" sounded like they were making a cocktail of the Terminator and Fast and Furious at its worst. But it was exactly what Colt needed at the time. He immediately flew to picturesque Los Angeles, or rather, to the most abandoned part of it. Covering his eyes with a sleep mask and leaning back in a comfortable economy class seat (because like the movie, like the transportation), he wanted to think only about the stunts to come and the bruises they would leave.

***

Colt settled in on the set pretty quickly. From the beginning, he didn't plan to get close to any of the crew, but innocent conversations about nothing and going to the bar almost every night isn't really getting close, is it? In any case, there were some really good guys here who had never heard of the tragically sensational name "Colt Seavers," and that was to Colt's advantage. There was also one silent guy who gave Colt shivers down his spine. There was just something about this emotionless look and leather gloves that Colt had never seen before. It was like meeting a block of ice in the African desert. And he wasn't even exaggerating. But Colt had to admit that all the stunts related to cars were so easy for this guy that the old stuntman even felt a bit jealous. Nevertheless, the work was going on, they were already halfway through the final scenes, which meant the final stunts. And just at that moment, when the scenery for the third act was already set up around the perimeter, and the stunt team was already discussing a grand celebration of the end of filming, Colt realized that he hadn't gotten what he had come here for in the first place. He got hit in the face (and not only in the face), set on fire, and hit by a car (all at the same time), but the feeling of emptiness, of being broken, of being eaten up from the inside... It did not disappear. One day on the set, he heard Jody's name mentioned, and that's how he found out that she was now a debut director with the bookies' movie of the year. He thought about Jody, who had moved on from their relationship and was now building her career, her future, fulfilling her long-held dreams. And here he was, working on a godforsaken movie in the back alleys of a forgotten city of dreams. He could not think of a greater irony. But of course, Colt was genuinely happy for Jody, except that the fact that she had managed to forget the past made him even more broken than he was when he arrived here.

As he waited for the director's cue before the next trick, Colt already knew that tonight he would get drunk beyond recognition. He wasn't an alcoholic, but he didn't mind solving problems with marathons of alcoholic beverages either.

At least in this place, he had company for that, and after gathering everyone, they headed to their trusty bar right after work.

But this time, everything was a little different. Not only the fact that on this particular evening Colt had decided to drink himself into a state of habitual alcoholism, but also the fact that for some unknown reason he had stopped in front of his silent colleague. Their eyes met a moment before, when Seavers was leaving the set with his company, and suddenly something drew him in like a magnet. He was like this sometimes, gazing the other stuntman for unknown reasons. He blamed everything on curiosity.

It was as if the stuntman's lips opened on their own, saying words against his will:

"Hey... Do you want to go to a bar with us?" Colt spoke slowly and carefully, as if he was not sure that the person in front of him understood human speech.

In fact, Colt did not even hope for a positive answer. And the pause that hung between them after his offer only fueled his confidence that he would be simply rejected. Probably, it was just manners and upbringing that did not allow him to pass by, and no mysterious magnetism in the clear blue eyes of the nameless stuntman.

Imagine his surprise when his colleague nodded after this strange, long pause. And without another word, he joined their company of unhappy stuntmen on their way to the bar. To say that everyone else was also shocked would be an understatement.

But since it happened that way... Well, Colt had asked for it, so why did he feel like he'd rather not?

With these thoughts in mind, he opened the majestic wooden doors of the bar (which looked more like a tavern from a fantasy movie), revealing to his friends an unlimited paradise of alcoholic pleasures. Stepping inside, Colt's gaze once again met the nameless stuntman. He would be lying if he said he didn't think about him... from time to time. Severs was fascinated on a subconscious level by the mystery of the guy, maybe also by his hair... he just wondered how he kept it so neat when he himself was a mess.

Colt was about to take his usual place at the very center of the long bar when he noticed his silent colleague sitting at the very end. In one impulsive move, almost as impulsive as decision to work on this movie, Colt sat down on the seat next to him. At first, the nameless man did not seem visually pleased with his presence, as one could tell by his deliberately frowning face. Whether it was because he was really so silent, or because deep down he didn't really mind the company of the bigger stuntman... either way, he didn't tell Colt to get the hell out of here.

Drink after drink followed as evening followed day. Colt drank whatever he could get his hands on, stirred, shook, and drank again. First he had a headache at the thought of a future morning hangover, now he just had a headache. And the only thing you need to know about Colt if you're going to get drunk with him is that alcohol works on him in the most banal way - it loosens his tongue and makes him an even bigger idiot than he already is. And this time, a silent stuntman became his victim.

Everything was quiet, they didn't touch each other and seemed to have forgotten about each other's existence for a moment. Until Seavers decided to turn his face, red from the amount of drinks he had drunk, to his neighbor and ask him something that had been on his mind for an annoyingly long time:

"How do you..." Colt made incomprehensible gestures above his head. And this action could not but attract the attention of the machine stuntman. "How do you keep your hair like that?"

Colt spoke extremely slurred and quietly, and if it weren't for the short distance between him and the other stuntman, he wouldn't have caught his mumbling over the noise and music of the crowded place. And honestly? He would have been better off not hearing anything.

Hesitating whether to pretend that he didn't hear the question or to please this stranger with his answer, the young man suddenly chose, unexpectedly even for himself...

"Like what?" ...to answer in a monotone tone, not even caring if the words would reach the other person through the background noise.

"So beautiful." Answer followed almost immediately after the question. Without even a slight hesitation.

Well... Colt really thought his hair was beautiful, is that a crime?

But the expression on the silent stuntman's face screamed "are you an idiot?" so unbearably that Colt couldn't stand it and turned away from him.

It was obvious that the conversation was not going well.

But that was not the end. There was one more moment that seemed simply impossible in light of recent events, but it happened.... Colt's neighbor exhaled heavily and muttered a sluggish:

"I take care of it."

Colt nodded, staring stupidly at the man across from him. As if he'd just seen an alien, by God. But no, it was just the effect of the added joy of a successful conversation and the degree of alcohol.

And, of course, Colt didn't realize what he was doing. Perhaps his instincts to talk with everything around him (in this case, his unfortunate colleague) as soon as his body crossed the threshold of the bar were awakened.

After a few more drinks, when Colt's head became physically heavy and he had to bang it against the bar (either it was his imagination or there was a crack in the table after that), Seavers decided to open his mouth one more time:

"You know..." Even in his state of intoxication, Colt realized how pathetic his mumbling voice sounded. "You're good. I don't know you, but you're good."

Another thing you should learn before agreeing to get drunk with Colt Seavers is that you can never tell if he's telling the truth under the influence of alcohol or if he's making up some nonsense under the influence of alcohol.

Colt's neighbor seemed to completely ignore his feeble attempts to find a common theme. Perhaps it was for the best...

But still, what could stop a drunken adult with a complete mess in both his head and his life from talking to a semi-stranger one more time?

"Why are you still here?" a logical question, since all his colleagues have already left, having more important things to do than drown their sorrows.

For a second, the scorpion-jacketed stuntman looked surprised by this question, but then shrugged without looking up from the suspicious substance in his hands. He had no idea what he was doing in the middle of the night in unknown bar next to his unfamiliar colleague. He was probably just bored.

Colt nodded almost in understanding, his eyes fixed on the other man's face the entire time. Was he delusional, or was there a strange connection between them? A bond between two lonely men in the middle of a raucous bar, unable to strike up a conversation but exchanging quiet glances.

Colt didn't drink again that night, but instead began to examine this random companion more closely. They were similar in some ways, in fact, but Colt's attention was drawn more to the small things about him that he had previously ignored. For example, the toothpick that had been dangling from the corner of his mouth for the entire evening. Or how mesmerizingly long his eyelashes were...

"You're a damn good stuntman..." A sharp compliment broke the silence between them. Colt did not give up trying to squeeze a word out of this stuntman. And this time he succeeded.

"Thank you." It was fabulous, as unexpected as the look in those clear blue eyes that followed.

It was like a game, where Colt's prize was to get an answer from the mysterious man.

"Do you want a toothpick?" was another unspoken gesture to which Colt nodded uncertainly. How was he to know that giving someone a thin piece of wood meant the highest peak of respect from this guy...

The younger stuntman couldn't help but wonder how he could still tolerate Colt's behavior. he slid his gaze over the broad features of the man's face as if that would give him an answer. He wasn't usually this friendly, but that little voice in his head was making him behave politely around Seavers, just as it had made him stare at the newly recruited stuntman longer than he should have.

Now Colt also had a toothpick sticking out of his mouth, which he was chewing on, thinking how dignified he was acting for someone who seem to be passing out from the amount of alcohol in his blood. Which meant it was time to do something horrible and shameful to end this party on the right note.

"Didn't I tell you you had nice hair?" Colt muttered,

Is Colt hallucinating or did the other stuntman smile with the tip of his mouth at this question?

But that still wasn't awkward enough, so he started whining. Alcohol is a good excuse to blame your problems on someone else, right?

"Y'know... I was, like, successful..." And then Colt began to tell his story from the beginning of the incident. He remembers the details of that day and the day that followed with the utmost precision, leading up to this moment. To this point in his life, where he was making friends with by telling his private tragedies.

The other stuntman seemed to be drawn into the conversation, even though he hadn't said a word the whole time. He was a good listener, that's for sure.

"Jody, she..." Colt's face twisted, not in contempt, but more in the pain of realizing the enormity of what he had done.

He didn't even need to finish his sentence, it was already clear that he had ruined his life.

Seavers tilted his head back, gazing up at the ceiling with its characteristically dimmed lamps, probably contemplating the meaning of his existence.

And what about his colleague? He sat silently, somewhat puzzled by the sincerity of a man with whom he had never expected to speak. And normally he would have sat there, not worrying about someone else's complicated fate. What was different this time? Perhaps the compliments on his hair had made enough of an impression on him to make him feel a little compassionate.

And without knowing any better, he cleared his throat and spoke, as if he hoped in the depths of his soul that he wouldn't hear him:

"Do you want a ride?"

Colt didn't even flinch at this question, although a few minutes ago he would have been pleased by such friendliness from his new acquaintance. He was too exhausted to even register the question in his mind. Without moving, he purred in agreement.

The stuntmen began to get up from the bar, and Seavers's gut told him that he was in for a painful betrayal of his own legs. Standing up from the chair he had almost grown to over the past few hours, his limbs immediately buckled and, stumbling around in them, he came perilously close to falling face first. Until he was picked up by his friend (who didn't really look happy about the situation he had gotten himself into).

Now it so happened that this little-known man was the only one in this place to whom he suddenly decided to open up. And who now knew the real and tragic Colt Seavers. What a strange turn of events.

"How much did you drink?" Colt muttered in confusion, leaning closer to the man who had become his literal support.

"Not much."

For some reason, this made Colt giggle, as if the voice of another stuntmam tickled him.

They made their way to an inconspicuous car in a simple parking lot near the movie set. What a blessing that it was only a few unsteady steps from the bar to the place.

The trip was going to be a long one...

#sudden decision ik #I'm so scared to post tbh..#and i feel so sorry for everyone whos requests i didn't complete...#I fear too late #yk a year has passed #ryan gosling #ryan gosling x reader #ryan gosling fanfiction #colt seavers #colt seavers x driver #driver #drive #ryan gosling fanfic #ryan gosling driver

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madame-mortician · 9 months ago

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If Tomie was an SCP!

So I had a random thought while rereading Tomie, but what if the SCP foundation captured her and how would that work? How could they contain her? What would they learn from her? Well I wanted to write down my ideas for fun so here we are:

Tomie would classify as Safe. You could argue her unpredictable regeneration ability and her control over men makes her more of a threat, but honestly, she herself isn’t dangerous and even if she did regenerate, it’s not like the foundation can’t handle a few clones. That and “Safe” SCPs don’t mean they aren’t dangerous, just that they are easier to contain.

I feel as though she’d be kept in a cell meant to look like a fancy hotel. Tomie is notoriously materialistic and greedy, so she’d probably become annoying and uncooperative unless she was satisfied with an expensive bed, glamorous decorations and high-class meals.

Adding onto her cell, I also believe they’d have extra precautions to make sure she doesn’t escape or doesn’t regenerate too much. The door would likely be sealed completely shut every time it was used and would have an extra layer just to be sure she couldn’t slip through the cracks. The walls of her cell would also have flame dispensers meant to exterminate her if she somehow became a threat or had cloned too much.

There would be a procedure for getting rid of clones, that would require a female staff member entering and removing one of the Tomies before the room would be lit ablaze to kill the clones leaving only one, who would then be returned to her new room. This would mean that since the foundation can’t tell the difference between each Tomie, the current Tomie in the cell is not the same one they captured.

Every Tomie outside of the facility was destroyed, meaning only the Tomie’s in the facility are left. This would also mean that Tomie is no longer a threat.

When being fed, investigated or just interacted with in general, only female staff members are allowed in both her cell and the monitor room observing her cell. After Tomie was first captured the foundation quickly learnt Tomie could dive men into insanity no matter the person, and this would lead to not only Tomie getting hurt, but the male staff member and anybody nearby. The only cure to this was killing the infatuated man, but obviously the SCP foundation doesn’t want this happening again so only women are allowed near her cell. They also found out that even video footage of Tomie could seduce men, hence the banning of men in her monitor room.

Out of all of the SCPs, Tomie is one of the most talkative. Not just that she’s a teenage girl (supposedly) but also she is pretty willing to talk about herself and her abilities. When a staff member interrogates her for information, Tomie tells them everything she knows about herself. This is how the foundation learnt about her fire weakness and her ability to clone herself.

Despite being super willing to do almost anything the foundation asks her to do, Tomie literally cannot stop herself from cloning. If she doesn’t get a man to kill her in a while, she finds other ways to stay young and beautiful forever by splitting off into another Tomie. Because it’s biological, and she cannot control it, they implemented the fire procedure, which Tomie willingly goes along with because she likes being pampered like royalty here.

In the case of a security breach or prison break, Tomie would definitely roam around the facility looking for a way out, but wouldn’t be much of a threat if cornered since she herself can’t really fight back. Worst case scenario, she’s cornered by entirely male staff members and they all fall for her instantly and either kill themselves fighting over her and she escapes, or they kill her and she revives as two and one slips away whilst the other is captured. More likely though, she’d never make it past the security features and would end up back in her cell.

Now for some fun interactions I can think of, between her and other SCP’s:

SCP-049: If somehow 049 came into contact with Tomie and touched her, she would still die like a normal human. However, she’d reanimate before he’d begun his zombie transformation surgery, and thus would likely confuse him. Every subsequent time he touched her, she’d die and revive quicker and quicker until eventually, she was essentially immune to his touches. If somehow he was fast enough to complete the surgery before she revived, she reanimated with his weird additions but would still retain her memories and personality, making his additions ineffective.

SCP-173: It’s unlikely they’d ever meet, but if the foundation put them together for an experiment the most likely outcome would simply be a loop. Even if Tomie was told what 173 did, she’d still look away or blink eventually, and he’d come and snap her neck. Of course, Tomie being Tomie, she’d get back up in a few seconds and her neck would slowly return to normal. 173 likely would be long gone by this point, chasing somebody else, but if by some miracle he’d stuck around or stayed in the area whilst she healed, he’d come back and snap her neck again. Like with 049, if Tomie was killed repeatedly, she would revive faster and faster each time she was killed, eventually leading to his neck snaps doing nothing and her simply standing there after an unsuccessful attempt on her life. It’s unlikely it would ever get to this point as he would likely have been far from her by the time she first revived, but this is all just hypothetical anyway. Ironically, she’d be the most helpful with recapturing 173, as if she got to the point of being immune to his neck snaps, she would be able to stare at him to get him locked up, yet when she eventually blinked it would not matter because he couldn’t kill her and would be stuck in place until eventually the staff recaptured him. It’s very unlikely this would ever happen though. This tells the foundation that Tomie is essentially immune to all violent SCPs as enough exposure will render their attacks useless against her since her revival becomes fast after each death. Oddly, the death revival resets for each SCP, so even if she’s immune to 173, she can still be killed by 682.

SCP-682: Since they have similar abilities, it makes sense the foundation would put them together to see what would happen. He would start non-hostile towards her, mainly ignoring her or just staring at her but after too much exposure towards her, he would kill her in whichever way was easiest for him at the time. Of course, she’d revive and heal herself and he’d continue staring at her, perhaps even trying again to kill her. It’s unlikely Tomie would really give a shit, to be honest, she’d probably be annoyed at the foundation locking her in a room with a giant kaiju but she wouldn’t exactly be able to do anything. Despite her “seduction” seemingly working on 682, her ability to drive men to suicide wouldn’t work on him due to his unkillable nature, so eventually the foundation would get bored of watching Tomie be crushed by a giant reptile and would end the test. This does tell the foundation that her powers do work on all men, including non-humanoid SCPs, but they work differently depending on which SCP she is facing.

I might add more SCP interactions if people have interesting suggestions!

#SCP #Tomie #tomie kawakami #junji ito tomie #junji ito

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morocosmos · 3 months ago

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Writer Interview Game

Tagged by @arcaneoddity, tyyyy 💜

When did you start writing?

I noodled at an unfinished story or two when i was a kid (i drew comics a lot more tbh), the first fanfic i wrote was when i was 13 (it is consigned to ff.net, never to be perceived again). i started developing my writing during secondary school, we had to for english class but i genuinely enjoyed those assignments so much that it didn't feel like schoolwork lmao, it was smth of an outlet. i did write a couple of fics for other fandoms between 2016 and mid 2020, but in late 2020 FFXIV revived my desire to create, while @stellarfatalism and @lemoncakedesign's fics inspired me to actually start writing.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I read a much wider variety of smut than what i could be convinced to write. other than that i think they mostly overlap.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

@haillenarte, @rabbitprint and @sezja's fics have stuck with me the most in terms of "god i want to be able to write characters like this"....i've never been compared to another writer before, never even considered it and idk how i'd feel.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I was writing on openoffice at first, but their software has a tendency to crash when you press two keys too fast, for example when you. try to save your work. moved to gdocs to avoid that and so that i could continue working on fic on my phone, but i also use the notes app on there, mainly to get down ideas that i don't want running away or to write more freely. it's easier to be experimental and loose when i'm writing in notes, idk, whereas i prefer sitting at the desk and working on my computer when it's a longer fic or a more """important""" piece.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I've let it happen when it happens, for the most part. i was forcing myself to power through job around the time i really grew into writing, so i needed it to be a space where i wouldn't do it if i didn't want to. my feelings about that are more mixed now, because i'm a slow writer to begin with, and i can't help but wonder if more people would read my stuff if i updated more consistently. but i digress - the only time i've had to bring the muse in myself was for to sail your seas, and that was because there was accountability and a deadline. so i guess my most effective tricks are ADHD hacks and brainworms.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Until recently i didn't approach fic writing with themes in mind, when i get an idea it's usually about throwing a character at something and seeing what happens. that something tends to be another character, sometimes it's more existential like touch starvation. that said, i do have a WIP where i sat down and thought about what i want the themes to be before i know how it's going to pan out, but it's baby's first attempt so i don't have an answer to this question yet, really.

What is your reason for writing?

Processing things i know and exploring things i don't. when i got back into writing in 2020 it was extremely cathartic, i've burnt out on several creative pursuits over the years and having that spark come alive was, and is still very precious to me. i spent two years writing simply because i had ideas and a vice-grip compulsion to write them out. now that that's slowed down, i've started to think more about craft, and how i might try to hone that when i'm lowkey afraid of this stage of learning, and there's no formal institution to kick my ass into it. but in some ways, i think i write because i can't afford not to.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I've been told by a friend that i'm good at continuity, which is nice considering it lines up with the obsessive approach i take towards trying to tie plot/character threads together lol. personally, i still consider descriptive writing to be my greatest strength. it's what i keep going back to, maybe because it was the first thing i discovered i was good at that wasn't influenced by someone else's decision.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I miss the honeymoon period when i thought my writing was the hottest shit LOL. that tapered off towards the end of 2022, but it's not like i think my writing is bad now, just that over time i became more aware of my shortcomings, and how much knowledge and experience i lack. i did have to fight a little to keep my relationship with writing from souring last year, but in hindsight it was more about frustration that i didn't have the energy to write (work burnout wooo) than a problem with writing itself. after a year plus of stalling and big fic projects i just want to have fun again, be a bit silly.

#if you were tagged here you're more than welcome to do this too #tag game

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ktredshoes · 5 months ago

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Give us a precious broken things snippet if you please!

Ahhhh, @almost-a-class-act, you caught me out here, as I don't have very much written that hasn't already been posted, but I've been hoping this tag game could be an exercise to help jump-start this long-fallow WIP that is precious in my head. So pardon me if I ramble a bit about this story!

I started this Hoosier-centered fic after becoming totally enamored with @basilone's Form/Void god-chosen universe, and had some very productive conversations with her about Hoosier being chosen by the goddess Night.

More under the cut, as my ramble got a little long! But -- to me, anyway -- fascinating! Let me know what you think and please enjoy!

The title, "Precious Broken Things," came from an exploration of kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer mixed with gold dust.

My working title at one point was "The Beauty of Broken Things," which ultimately became "Precious Broken Things."

It always bugged me that so many Pacific fanpage entries about Bill “Hoosier” Smith basically say “little is known about him.” I spent an inordinate amount of time researching him, as well as learning what I could about Hoosier's hometown of Loogootee, Indiana. Since I didn't find out as much as I hoped about him, I extrapolated quite a lot from what I found out about Loogootee (pronounced, by the way, "Luh-GO-tee"), and what it might have been like for him growing up in the depression times of southern Indiana.

I see the overarching theme being Hoosier’s struggle to find a place in the world, colored by the one thing he is afraid of: being broken. The underlying philosophy, which I haven’t really incorporated yet, is kintsugi, based on the Japanese art of repairing broken ceramics and pottery with liquid gold, silver or platinum – to embrace the scars of life as part of what makes it beautiful. I’m hyperaware of the irony of it being a Japanese philosophy, and that became part of my challenge in writing the story.

OK, so, here's a snippet from what I've published on AO3 so far:

...the scar on his ankle is a constant reminder that he is now bonded with Night. Sometimes he finds it soothing to trace the pattern with his finger, the graceful web of silvered black shot through with a twisted vein of gold. Sometimes it itches, which generally announces her presence. Also he learns never to go barefoot because the sight of it upsets his mother. The question Night asked him after the accident haunts him: “Do you think I would ever let you die in such a useless fashion?” Sometimes Bill feels like his life is already useless. Night blows raspberries at him again whenever she senses this train of thought. He hates when she does that, and she knows it, so she does so at every opportunity. He appreciates her support but doesn’t know how that’s going to get him out of the trap of not knowing if he has a future, here or anywhere. He thinks a lot about what he will do when he’s done with high school. There isn’t much work in Loogootee, hasn’t been since the Depression started. Or even before—since the glass factory shut down when he was four—and not so much in the rest of Martin County, either. So many farms have failed throughout southern Indiana that the government started buying them up... He’s been getting used to the idea of having to leave town to find work, but that means leaving his family and friends, and he hates thinking about that. Maybe the [Civilian Conservation] Corps won’t be such a bad alternative, he thinks.

I hope this sparks some discussion as I really want to revive this WIP and continue the story, which is very dear to me.

Please let me know what you think!

#asked and answered #wip tag game #bill hoosier smith #the pacific #fanfiction inspiration #precious broken things

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risingsouls · 8 months ago

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So Momo, you mentioned before that Vegeta has complicated feelings about his race. What are they of exactly? Does he mourn the Saiyans being gone? Does he not care? Does he miss the role he was supposed to fulfill as prince, and eventually king? Are there other, obscure factors at play? Do tell, if you want to 👀

[Bless u Nebula for giving me a platform to discuss why I think Vegeta is more complex than we usually get to see.

This got long, so under the cut lmao

To start with the topic at hand, ideas of celebrating the Saiyans makes him itchy because it brings up all his repressed, complicated feelings about his race, most potently just the fact that they're dead. Thus, celebrating something like Saiyan day sounds really stupid to him. But I will try to delve into the depths of those feelings here and address your questions. And maybe some other thing if my mush brain can manage it.

Even though Vegeta has made callous comments about his races demise, up to and including basically suggesting they "deserved it" because they were to weak to stop it, this is all just posturing on his part. An attempt to act strong and unaffected in front of others, especially Nappa and Raditz who he was the sole monarch to after their planet was destroyed. It was also a way for him to cope that was easier for him since that was basically the Saiyan mentality: the strong survive, the weak don't. He just...tries not to think about the fact that the three of them were simply lucky to have been off planet. That they would be space dust with the rest of them if not for that simple fact. Most people, including Nappa and later Raditz, likely see through this, but they don't really dare to correct him. These days, he doesn't say these kinds of things; he's not trying to fool himself anymore, in other words.

That said, he does still mourn the loss of the Saiyans and his home. In truth, this is the first time in his life he's had the chance to, and parsing through it all has been an ongoing process. He won't admit to it or do it openly because of how he was raised, and might even suggest that he doesn't care anymore, but he definitely does mourn them.

As for missing his role as prince/king...I'm not sure if that's the way to word it exactly. In a sense, he didn't really want to be king because the role meant he would be stuck planetside more often than he would like. However, ruling the Saiyans was still his birthright, and it was one he wanted to SOME degree in that sense. It is still complicated though because, on one hand, he does feel he was denied that birthright and all that came with it. But at the same time, it's hard for him to care with the entire race he was meant to rule is dead + depression. So basically, he didn't necessarily want to rule, but that was still supposed to be HIS right.

Additionally, Vegeta feels he failed his people. He failed to save them, even if he was a kid. He failed Nappa and Raditz, the last two Saiyans he knew of before meeting Goku, even if that was partially his own fault for his callous behavior arguably learned from Frieza to certain degrees (I need to write about this again akdfjkladf). He basically feels like a failure who doesn't deserve his title as prince and, on the worst days, doesn't feel he deserves to call himself a Saiyan at all because he's sure his ancestors would be disappointed in him, what happened, and who he became.

The irony in all this is that, even if he were presented with the ability to revive them...it wouldn't be an easy yes for him (as seen in a thread I had long ago with @earthforsaken :'3). On the one hand, it's been so long. The nihilist in him thinks it would be pointless. He sees nothing good coming from reviving them and their planet. It's also about that last point of feeling like a failure. That he wouldn't live up the the high expectations the Saiyans had for him, especially since he had been beaten by Goku, a Saiyan of a lower class. He carries a lot of shame in himself, and he's certain he would see that reflected in his dead race's eyes. He isn't sure he could face that after decades of beating HIMSELF up over it all.

Overall, he is proud of his race. He's proud to call himself a Saiyan for the most part on most days. But between mourning them finally and his own perception of himself in regards to their demise and the like, things become a lot less rosy. He's working on it, on feeling that pride without the baggage attached, but it's not easy for him to do.]

#.:ask:.#// vegeta ♅#// headcanon ♅#this probably isn't everything I've thought on this topic #but he's sad #that's the moral of the story

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iamthekaijuking · 5 days ago

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Curious on this if I may ask, what are the reasons that you like the Amphiterra Project by @citysaurus-art? I also like it too, and would love to eventually see new clades, expansions, and revisions to the project as a whole, stuff like the Salamanders or other lineages

So my love for amphiterra actually goes way back and starts with early highschool kaijuking.

Back around 2016 I found the spec evo forms, and while I never joined them and only officially joined the internet in 2017 when I made this tumblr account (dear god don’t go digging for 2017 kaijuking I was a much different and cringier person than I am now), I liked surfing through the forms even though the website was broken and being abandoned. It was a good time killer when I was stalling in class.

Through that I found Warren Fehy’s Fragment (writing a review of which is next on my to do list so I should probably get started on that), Trollmans’ Diyu, and amphiterra. Diyu is among one of my favorites, but Amphiterra grabbed my attention since it was colorful, had a website, and was the most in depth spec evo project I had seen at that point. It offered not only descriptions and illustrations for creatures but anatomical diagrams as well which just tickled my not fully formed teenage brain. I also just liked the designs.

So I was a pretty big fan of the project from the onset and not long after its inception too, way before Curiosity Archive’s video on it. I think I actually even made the first amphiterra fanart on the internet too… which has aged like sour moldy milk because it was a “dat boi” meme reference. I actually personally asked Citysaurus to not put it up on the fanart section of the website. God I feel old.

I would definitely love to see the project revived and maybe we might get that in the future. One day.

…

Also did you know that citysaurus made some illustrations and concept art for Fall Guys?! Crazy right?

#ask #questions #the amphiterra project #amphiterra project #citysaurus #speculative biology #speculative evolution #xuan-luu132080

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dreadnotau · 1 year ago

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Its been a decent couple of months of productive work, so it's sadly time for a schedule change. I'll be posting pages two weeks apart again. Details provided below if you're curious as to why.

In all honesty there's no big dramatic reason this time around. I've just slowly lost drive to work on Dread Not as often and as thoroughly as I used to be able to. As I said in one of my previous posts (that sounded suspiciously like this one), I want to focus on other projects as well. One of those is my personal art blog, which I've neglected even though I've had art on the backburner that I've been meaning to post for AGES. Kingdomrune is another one of those, where I have shit I could post that I just... never did. Dread Not takes a lot of time and I miss being able to dedicate that time to consuming media instead of just grinding and trying to produce my own. One of the most important things to do as an artist is to broaden your horizons and take in as much art as you can, to diversify and expand what you know and what you can make. But, when all day every day I'm just sitting and drawing my own thing, it's like I have tunnel vision and my creative resources run dry. It's starting to feel weirdly soulless on my end, because I don't feel nearly half the inspiration to make the pages as I did when the big hiatus ended. It's all dependent on time and exposure, and I can only crunch for so long before it starts to feel damaging to me instead of fun and creatively fulfilling.

So what does this mean, practically speaking? Well, for one, I'm spacing out the page upload for the rest of Act 1, as previously mentioned. I'm well aware this will kill the pacing and it'll drag out longer than it theoretically needs to, but I'd even rather that than trying to rush out a page in the Two Days I have free this week (yeah, ONLY two days free out of the ENTIRE week. Don't ask me why it's not even my fuckin' fault this time). If pages become even more scarce than 1 page per 2 weeks, blame it on college. I'm getting new subjects and I don't even know the class schedule yet. Concerning Act 2 though, I'll be changing the structure of the pages from their core. I'll be switching to a different drawing software (probably Krita, suck my dick Photoshop) so it'll take some getting used to. I can't even promise bonus content or anything during the necessary break between acts because of that shift in software happening, I've never done a massive technical move like this. However, it'll allow me to, not only work on Dread Not better, but expand my art overall, so it's definitely worth it. I've wanted to get into animation for YEARS and Krita seems like an okay place to start (the gif on this post WAS made with Photoshop, but shitty gifs are about all I can make as animations in Photoshop). Act 2's style will, predictably, differ heavily from Act 1 and (with how long writing the dialogue alone for it is taking), it might end up being Longer than Act 1, too. Visually, it'll probably be something like cleaned up and coloured sketches, with simpler colour palettes and simpler (big airquotes) visuals overall, and it'll speed up the process and possibly allow me to post more than one page at a time. Possibly. That's not a promise.

I'm sorry if that's disappointing to anyone, but I physically can't make myself continue the current artstyle across all acts. It's just not feasible.

For those curious about the FARTHER future of Dread Not, I have plans to turn Act 3 into a series of fics rather than full comic pages, and something maybe a bit more insane for Act 4. I don't have everything figured out yet, and I don't want to make any false promises or give any grand ideas I won't be able to commit to, since only time will tell how my creativity will flow years from now. If you all want more content from me specifically, again I'm planning on reviving my art tumblr like a half buried zombie, and you'll probably see more there than you bargained for once I actually get into the habit of posting things. If you're mayhaps interested in my original stuff, keep your eyes peeled for a guy called Duro, I might start posting about him some time soon.

As always, thank you for your patience, and apologies again if this news was disappointing to anyone. I'm just one guy and this comic is a titan of biblical proportions. I'll keep you all posted on any further developments and plans for the future! Stay tuned!

#dread not #dreadnot #dread not au #dreadnotau #not comic #kris #schedule update #i was supposed to post this yesterday but then i got fucking sick #spent all day in bed hardly awake #so those two free days i mentioned in the post?#gone. just like that.#fuckin pray for me

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omgitsaime · 6 months ago

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Movies I'll Probably Never Make: Open for Business

Three quirky best friends go against their principal's wishes and open up an anonymous advice column in their high school's dying newspaper.

Written: 2015-2016 (I was 14 and 15, y'all!)

If you liked these, you'll probably like this: Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986), Sixteen Candles (1984), To all the Boys I've Loved Before trilogy (the books especially, given the time this script was written), Paper Towns (2015), Pitch Perfect (2012), Pitch Perfect 2 (2015)

Characters: Allie (14, Not Like Other Girls, always knows the right thing to say, aimlessly in love with Brad, clueless about Peter's feelings for her)

Peter (14, video game enthusiast and definitely smarter than you, fiercely loyal, always coming up with new ideas, has a crush on Allie)

Trevor (14, class clown, golden retriever boyfriend, the only things in life he takes seriously are Brianna, the advice column, and his friends)

Brianna (14, rich girl cheerleader with a heart of gold, fashion forward, always trendy, Allie's soon to be step sister, Trevor's girlfriend by the end)

Brad (15, popular football player of the junior varsity team struggling to find himself, well meaning but easily influenced, big heart, Not Like Other Jocks, redeems himself by the end)

Callie (16, lead writer of school newspaper, book smart, but not all that street smart, determined and not afraid to break a few rules to get what she wants)

Ben (17, editor in chief of school newspaper, quiet, reserved, a little more reluctant to break the rules, but will do anything to get into a good college)

Principal Cochran (late 40s, principal of the school (guys, it's been almost a decade, I don't remember the name of the school lol), stuck in his ways, overly strict, money obsessed, think Principal Rooney)

Why I stopped writing: I literally lost the script. I know I sent a draft to an old friend of mine, but that email has been lost to time, and now that I don't have the base, I can't remember which direction I was going in with the story before I stopped writing.

Themes from this story that appear in my other stories: Found family, platonic love, individuality, fighting manmade systems, lots and lots of 80s pop.

One interesting plot thread/character arc is that almost a full decade before the likes of Andrew Tate came onto the scene, telling young boys to be "alphas" and that they need to discard "low value women," Brad's plot was that he felt guilt over the prank he pulled on Allie to secure a spot on the varsity team, and over the course of the film, decides that being a man lies not in who he hurts, but who he helps. I was literally a fourteen year old girl writing this. I don't know what prophecy came to me in my sleep, but...holy shit.

Would I revive this story: Hell yeah! This is such a cute and solid story, with 80s influence, sweet moments, and honestly, the kids need a fun high school romp that is just about enjoying life and being 14. @sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog, I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry for the abuse we put you through back in the day. We really took you for granted.

Fun Fact: The one and only surviving artifact of this film is the Spotify playlist. It is peak mid 2010s quirky teen comedy, and if you're old like me, this'll take you straight back to high school. I think you guys will love it.

Let me know if y'all think I should make this a series! I have a lot of scrapped scripts that I lowkey still think about lol

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cupoftaae · 2 years ago

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Forever and a day (KTH x READER) series♡ meet the parents. chapter 4

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count: around 3.1k I believe

chapter warnings: swearing, mentions of sex, (theres a flashback) trigger warning for this bc kaito is a little manipulative. Mentions of adhd, medications. There’s a lot of hot and cold behavior between Tae and reader, as well as a fight towards the end. Sorry!

A/N another thanks to everyone whos been liking, reading and reblogging this story (along with my other drabbles). I know my page isnt huge or anything but I love writing and seeing all of the support really motivates me, so thank you :) I also got to sit down and really plan out the rest of my chapters with great detail, I think you guys are gonna like the upcoming chapters so stay tuned (lots of drama)

enjoyyy! (also, I plan to create a spotify playlist for this series!)

A week later.

Taehyung turned around from the stove to face his laptop, currently on the page of something he thought he would never see, a college. he scrolled before turning back to flip his pancake, ensuring he didn't burn it. Over the past week, youve been spending most days and nights over at Kaitos, so he's had more room to think about things.

He wants to become more serious with his art desire, and he wants to prove to not only you, but himself, that he can do big things. So here he is, signing up for local art classes at the college a few streets down. He checked the schedule really quick to make sure that nothing would overlap with the class dates, humming to himself when he realized his first class would be this Saturday morning, the same day his parents were coming for dinner. He sat back against the counter and looked down at Yeontan, who was waiting for bits of food to fall.

Dinner. He forgot all about that, good thing you wrote it on the calendar. would you still even be up for going?

He sat in thought, perhaps too much thought. Taehyung's head whipped around at the aroma of burnt pancakes. "shit!"

maybe he should sign up for a cooking class too?

You and Taehyung havent spoken too much since he word vomited his confessions at you last week. The longest conversation you both shared was 2 days ago when your period suddenly came and you asked tae to bring you to the store late at night because you had ran out of tampons.

there was no discussion about anything he had said to you though, as if there was a mutual agreement to drop it and move on.

he scooped his somewhat burned pancake and put it on the plate, cutting off the black part and managing to revive his breakfast, seeming content with his work. "Not too bad, huh?" he smiled and looked down at his dog, who seemed to assume the food was for him.

Once taehyung sat down at the kitchen counter, he went back to reviewing the art classes website when suddenly you walked in.

The boys eyes darted up to the door, watching you put your bag down and look at him.

"hey" he shyly waved, taking a bite of his food.

you smiled, "hi", making your way over to him and sniffing the air. "you burnt them" you couldn't help but laugh a little.

"listen, it wasnt as bad as last time, taste" taehyung held the fork out with a small bit of food on it, allowing you to try it. "hm" you hummed, nodding. "ok its not charred ill give you that"

He smiled and watched as you sit down and pick tannie up. "so did you have fun at kaitos?" he asked, trying to just have small talk with you.

you looked up at him, "uh yeah, I guess" you shrugged, remembering last night. "we watched sports and he explained the entire game to me like I was stupid and didnt play soccer for 7 years" you laughed and moved your head to get close to the puppy in your arms, allowing taehyung to notice the dark purple mark hidden just above your clavicle.

he nearly chokes on his food, drawing your attention to him. "are you okay?" he nods and clears his throat. clearly you two didn't just watch sports. "im good, just swallowed wrong" he took a sip of his water and tapped his foot, avoiding his eyes from you as he thought of something else to say considering this conversation has now outlasted any previous ones of the past 7 days.

"oh you know this Saturday is the um, the dinner with my parents?" you looked at his laptop, feeling your eyes burn onto him. "oh shit I forgot about that" you smiled and looked over at the calendar on the fridge. "I did too" he laughs.

"you dont have to go if you arent up for it" he mumbles, still unable to look at you. "oh im going, I havent seen them in so long, even if we left off on a bad note, Im still close with them and I think its important to go to the dinner" you spoke matter of factly.

He simply nodded and took another bite of food.

"what are you doing?" you nosily ask, trying to drag out the interaction considering the fact you had missed conversing with your best friend.

He watches you lean over to look at his laptop. "oh its just, something Im interested in doing." tae shrugged, embarrassed you saw the website.

"art classes?" you ask, "I didnt know you liked that type of thing?"

"yeah, Ive always kinda wanted to do it but never had the chance. I mine as well try it right?" he smiled shyly.

"I think thats good for you" you nod, patting his back. "getting out more and stuff, you are always working from home. Oh look, the class is at my college so we might run into each other" you joke and walk off to your room.

the feeling of your hand against his back causes him to tense up, still trying to wrap his head around what he saw. It couldn't have been a hickey, maybe it was something else, perhaps you got hurt, right? .

oh who is he kidding. Who gets hurt on the neck like that, it was a hickey no doubt. (a/n: looking at you namjoon)

why was he kinda upset about that? He respected your space and the fact you are dating kaito, and thats what people who are in love do, they kiss each other....and stuff. He shook his head and stood up, deciding to go for a walk outside to clear his head.

While Tae headed out, you stepped into the bathroom to shower. Staring back at your reflection as you removed your shirt, revealing the dark spots peppering you neck and chest, your mind was brought back to the night prior.

Kaito kissed along your jaw, his hand coming under your shirt to brush your bare skin. you two were watching a soccer game but somehow it turned into a make out session he decided to bring upstairs to his room.

he hummed and pressed his lips against yours, your hand in his hair. he began pushing himself so his body was between your legs, hand now reaching for the hem of your shirt. "hm" you mumbled and pushed him off a bit, making him sit back and look at you. "what?" he asked, out of breath.

its not like you havent had sex with kaito.....ok, no thats exactly it. Youve never had sex with him. The most you two have done was letting him finger you under the blanket while watching a movie, then in return, sucking his dick in the backseat of his car.

He was more than ready to move forward with you, but you for some reason weren't.

you sighed and shrugged, removing his hand from your shirt. Kaito looked back at you before sitting to the side and laying on his back. "do you not want to have sex with me or something?" he spoke up.

"no, no, no, I do!" you lied, suddenly feeling guilt.

"then whats your problem?" he sighed, "every time I start something you always shut it down."

"im sorry" you whisper.

"dont be sorry, just dont lead me on." he shook his head.

you sat for a moment, taking a deep breath before getting up and moving to straddle his waist, his eyes widened up at you.

"im just nervous...ive...never done it before" you lied again, trying to convince him otherwise.

"oh" he spoke, hands on your waist as he seemingly took interest in the thought of him being the one to take your virginity.

the last time you had sex was a few months ago with taehyung. you've never done it with anyone else, ever.

"you trust me, right?" he tilted his head

you scanned his face, nodding. "yeah...."

with that he returned his lips against yours

your fingers ran over your chest, tears brimming to your eyes as you began to quietly sob. It wasn't like you had not consented to it. It was a mutual thing, and he's your boyfriend for god sakes, so why did you feel so damn dirty?

you cried as you showered away your thoughts and tried to wash off the feeling of disgust but it just wouldn't go.

and maybe, just maybe, deep down

you knew why.

Once Saturday had approached, you waited for taehyung to get back home from his first art class, deciding that you both could use a quick grocery shopping trip, as well as stop by the clothing store considering tonight was the dinner with his parents and you needed an outfit.

You looked at the clock to see it was almost 12, why isnt he home yet if the class ended at 11:40?

you decided on cooking a small breakfast while you waited, something for Taehyung too because you just know he had not eaten prior before leaving, and would be hungry when he returned.

Content with preparing some bacon and toast with fruit, you placed the dish on the counter before turning and grabbing Taehyung's medication from the top cabinet. Along with eating, you also have to remind him to keep up with his meds, which he has been taking since he was 13 for his ADHD. Sometimes you believe he thinks he doesnt have it, and thats why he forgets to take it.

finally sitting down to eat, you open up your laptop and begin to type away at some homework you needed to catch up on. You had not spoken to kaito in person since Wednesday night, he asked you for coffee this morning but you made some excuse about feeling ill, which had not been a total lie. You were worried that he was going to expect this of you each time you both met up. You've never felt so wrong about something you had no reason to be ashamed of, and the worst part was, you couldn't even talk to him about it. Kaito would make it some big issue about you 'not liking him enough or some shit'. You just knew you needed your own space for a few days, and were grateful you had extra concealer to hide the past weeks evidence painted along your neck, which you hoped to God taehyung had not seen.

you were drawn out of your thoughts as you watched the door open, a cheery tae walking in.

"hi!" he smiled and walked over, eating a piece of fruit off your plate.

"hey" you spoke, looking at him. "so? how was it?"

"it was so fun!! look, I made this" he held up a small canvas with strokes of multicolored paint splashed across in an artistic way. you nodded, not fully understanding art, in the same sense he couldn't understand literature. you didn't get why paint thrown on a white base was pretty or poetic, but you let him have it.

"I like it tae, good job" you offered a smile as he held it out into your hands. "keep it!" he spoke, turning to go greet his dog.

you smiled to yourself and looked over it before turning around as well, "eat breakfast and take your meds please, I was wondering if it was possible that we could go shopping before we meet up with your parents?"

he nodded and walked over to the counter, following your orders. "yeah we can, they arent gonna be ready to pick us up until 7." he spoke, shoving bacon into his mouth.

"perfect".

"Tae we dont need those, we have so many bags of chips at home" you protested, slumping as you pushed the grocery cart isle through isle.

He looked at the bag of cheese puffs and walked fast to catch up to you, "ah ah ah, nope. these ones are spicy. see?" He shoved it close to your face.

"fine." you sighed, trying to find the stuff you guys actually needed, like milk, coffee creamer, and-

"Taehyung??"

what??

you both turned around to see a younger girl walking up behind you, she had short hair and was bundled up in a large jacket, which is something you mentally mocked considering it was almost April.

you've definitely never seen her before, you turn to taehyung, "who the fuc-"

"annie!" he smiled and bows politely, leaving you in shock as you watched the two interact.

"long time no see" the girl giggled, almost obnoxiously

"we just saw eachother a few hours ago" he spoke

"it was a joke, taehyung" she laughed again, peaking over his shoulder to look at me. in that moment I could have sworn I felt her cold eyes burning into my skin.

"Hello, who is this?" she smiled and tapped tae's arm.

"Oh, thats y/n. shes my roommate" tae grinned at you and returned his eyes back at Annie.

roommate? thats all? no best friend since we were in diapers? You think you know a guy.

"Hi, Im annie. Taehyung and I go way back, and by that I mean we just met today." she smirked, tae laughing and adding on "In art class"

"oh" you nodded, feeling awkward all of a sudden. "nice to meet you" you bowed and turned to your grocery list, trying to seem busy as they continued their talking.

"I really liked your art" tae murmured, "it really feels like it goes beyond the surface" you roll your eyes and turn back, watching them.

"oh that means so much, thank you." she blushed.

SHE BLUSHED?

"you know, I have a Instagram account for my art....if you wanna follow?" Annie looked up with hopeful eyes, which tae reacted to by pulling his phone out and receiving the username.

seriously....who is this bitch?

"not to interrupt, but I have to get shopping now, we still need to go to the clothing store." you spoke, only facing tae.

"ok" he smiled and said his goodbyes to the girl, waving like a little kid before he caught back up with you.

"shes nice-"

"yah im sure, can we hurry?" you cut him off, watching his eyebrows scrunch before nodding.

Taehyung fiddled with the nearby clothing racks while he waited for you to get out of the dressing room. He never liked to go shopping, but when he went with you he always found it somewhat amusing, unless it was clothes shopping.

He paced slowly before knocking on the door. "are you almost done" he whispered, eyes looking around at nearby people.

"tae" you breathed out, "for the 3rd time, I will be out in a few, be patient." you spoke, aggravated.

he pouted and finally sat on the bench, tapping his feet while playing a game on his phone.

once you opened the door, you couldn't help but giggle at the sight. Like a kid waiting for his mom, he was funny without even knowing it.

"ok, how does it look?" you asked, grabbing his attention to the light brown sweater paired with a black mini skirt. It wasn't too special but it was nice, and it looked professional.

Tae looked up, eyes tracing over you entirely before gathering his words to speak. "uh....wow, you look really good" he nodded and stood up.

"are you sure? the skirt isnt too short, right?"

somewhere in his mind he wanted to make a joke and tell you it wasn't short enough, but he decided against it.

he shook his head. "you look beautiful."

you looked at him looking at you through the mirror as a wave of chills ran through your body.

he came up and carefully felt the fabric of the sweater, the feeling of his hand on you immediately made you flinch and pull away.

ah yes, the thought of physical touch. Something which disgusted you recently.

He frowned and before he could respond you went back to change into your regular clothes so you could purchase and leave.

Once you two were in the car, Tae had offered to stop and get you something to eat, you declined politely while he got himself a sandwich.

You felt bad considering you probably made him feel like he did something wrong, he didn’t. Taehyung wasnt the problem, you were.

The two of you quietly brought in the groceries, setting them on the counter. You began to put things away as you felt taehyungs eyes watching you. “What?” You exhaled, opening the fridge without even turning to direct your voice to him.

“Are you ok?”

“Why wouldnt I be?”

He blinked a few times while his fingers absent mindendly began to pick at his lower lip.

“Don’t do that” you spoke, watching him tuck his hands behind his back.

“It’s nothing I’m just, always checking in. You are my....friend. And I want you to be ok” he spoke as if he was unsure.

You jokingly scoffed and shook your head. “I’m ok Tae, i promise” you turned to him finally and offered a fake smile, something he saw right through but decided against speaking on it.

You heard him sigh before he walked back to head to his room. “I’m gonna shower”

“Ok” you mumbled and finished unpacking the groceries before taking your clothes and heading to your own room.

The clock read 6:40, that meant you and taehyung had to be dressed and ready to go in 20 minutes.

Taehyung decided to just slip on a button up shirt and dress pants, it’s his parents and he doesn’t feel too keen on trying to impress the people who always tell him he’s making the wrong choices.

He brushed his hair, mentally noting how long it’s gotten since the last time he let you cut it. His bangs lightly framed against his face as he sprayed cologne on, leaving the room to knock at your door. “Almost ready? Mom texted, she will be here a few minutes early?” He walked over to the hall to grab his coat off the rack, returning to hear your answer.

“Im doing my makeup!” You responded, careful with the mascara wand because you didn’t want to get it on anything other than your lashes. You quickly brushed your hair, clipping your bangs to the side while fluffing up the ends. You look over yourself, praising yourself for making the right clothing decision, it matched perfectly with your lipstick. You sprayed perfume on, the aroma filling your bathroom as you slipped a pair of small black heels on, making your way to the living room.

You had left your phone out on the kitchen counter while you got ready, something taehyung noticed when he stepping into the kitchen to fill Yeontans water bowl.

Your screen suddenly lit up with a text from kaito:

Kai: hey, still feeling sick? My sister made soup and if you want I can run by and drop some off. If it’s ok i might leave it at the door, i dont really care to run into taehyung.

Taehyung scrunched his nose, scoffing and moving closer to your phone. He was highly confused by the text, turning around and finishing his task.

“Im readyyy” you sung and hopped into the kitchen. Taehyung almost dropped the water bowl right onto the floor.

There you were, black tights , miniskirt, hair curled, all put together with red lipstick.

He swallowed hard, clearing his throat before speaking. “Well then.....”

“Do I look good?” You asked, looking down at your outfit.

“You look even more beautiful than you did in the store today” he looked at the bowl as he tried to speak nonchalantly, despite the fact his heart was racing.

How’s he supposed to suppress his feelings when you are standing there looking like THAT

“You look very handsome, Tae. You always do” you nodded, hoping he didn’t see the way your cheeks burned with blush.

You didn’t always get complimented, it wasn’t like you tried to fish for it either, but considering you have to pull a single “you look nice” out of your boyfriend when taehyung gives them for free is kind of ridiculous.

“Do I?” He teased

“Mhm” you smiled and brushed your hand through his hair quickly. “I like when you don’t use gel, the fluffy look is cute” you laughed and walked towards the door as taehyung put yeontan in his play gate.

He grinned to himself, knowing he will never use that gel again.

Once you two stepped out into the hall, he walked up to you and itched the back of his head.

“So, not to pry or anything, but your phone was left on the counter and I saw that um...kaito texted. He mentioned something about you being sick?”

Your eyes shot wide open, pulling your phone from your purse to look at the said message.

“If you weren’t feeling good you didn’t have to come” He shyly spoke, watching as you waved your hand at him.

“Tae, i lied” you smile, “I just wasn’t up for hanging out with him today.” You add.

“Oh....how come?”

You shrug, looking at him. “I don’t know.”

He looked down at his feet while you two made way towards the elevator. “Also, sorry that you saw him say that about you. He takes things super seriously” you scoff.

“It’s fine, It’s not my priority for him to like me” he spoke, pressing the button once you two stepped in. “Besides, Im the one who gets to hang with you today, so I win” he joked, allowing you to laugh softly and poke his arm.

It was nice to have some normalcy between you both, the past few weeks have been crazy and there’s been a lot of emotions, but it finally feels like things are getting back to the way they used to be.

“Ok so mom said her and dad would be right over here” he spoke as he looked at his phone, then looked up to the curb once you were outside. Your eyes peered around, there was no car yet.

“I guess we can just wait.” He put his phone away and looked around at the people on the street, something you began to join him in doing.

You both happened to catch someone dancing, making you both giggle. Your eyes then darted to an older couple crossing the street, arms linked sweetly. You nudged taes arm, grabbing his attention and whispering “look, it’s you and Annie in the future”

He immediately scoffed once he saw what you were referring to. “Ok I knew you were gonna make fun of me for that!” He whined and shyly walked away.

You began to laugh and ran up to him. “It’s not like that” he began. “Yet” you added on, watching him stop walking and turn to you.

“Ah i see...you are jealous.” He smirked.

“What?? No!! Im not j-...why would you-...what!” You stutter, watching him begin to say something before a car horn knocks you both out of the conversation.

“Hello!!” You see taehyungs mother waving her hand out the window, his father in the drivers seat as they pulled up to the curb. You bowed immediately once you got close, greeting them.

“Hello Mr and Mrs. Kim, it’s been a while, I missed you” you spoke sweetly,

“Ah y/n! It’s nice to see you again sweetheart” his mother kindly spoke

“Hi mom, dad.” Taehyung mumbled, his previously cocky state taking a more shy one.

“My son” his mom gripped his face and squished his cheeks. “Still chubby, good. You are finally eating more”

“Stop” he whispered, checking out of the corner of his eye to make sure you weren’t watching, glad you had been conversing with his father in that moment.

“Ok let’s go!” She cheered, ushering you both into the back seat before telling her husband what restaurant to go to.

they had initially wanted to come over so you could cook for them, but taehyung suggested a newer French restaurant nearby he swore they needed to try. You laughed at his obvious attempt to impress them.

The two of you squished together in the back seat, moving your body closer to the window as the air suddenly left the car. “You look lovely, y/n” taes father complimented. “Thank you Mr.Kim! You and your wife look very nice as well”

“How’s college, dear?” You turned your attention to his mom, who wasted no time digging into details about your life.

“Uhm it’s okay, lots of classes” you smile, watching her nod. “Still majoring in theatre?”

“Of course”

She clicked her tongue playfully, choosing to not make a comment against your choice of career...or lack of.

You silently praise the fact the drive to the restaurant was quick, allowing you time to climb out and avoid the conversation.

“This place is nice” you whisper to Tae, watching him nod. “We don’t belong here” you chuckled, making him laugh as well.

Taehyungs parents join arms before stepping in, Tae moving beside you to mimic their movement, making you blush lightly.

The waiter quickly checks your reservations and moves you to a relatively quiet room with a table by the window, just how you liked.

Once you had all sat and ordered your dishes, the room for conversations opened up.

“Your Hair is getting too long taehyung, why don’t you trim it” his father mentioned as he sipped his wine.

“Ah I know, i usually let y/n trim, but she’s been busy.” He teased, looking at you.

“Busy? With what? Certainly not a job” his mother mumbles as he takes her jacket off and sets it to the side.

“Mom...” he whispered, embarrassed for the way his Parents feel like they can talk about you as if you are their own child.

“Im just out and about, i have school and I’m with my boyfriend a lot” you spoke up

His moms head turned up as you talked, seeming suddenly interested.

“Boyfriend?” She laughed

“Mhm” you nodded

She turned to her husband and raised her eyebrows, both sharing a confused glance.

“What?” Taehyung asks, following their exchange

“Oh it’s nothing, we just...” she shrugged at her son, turning her attention back to you. “We had dinner with your parents a few days ago and we were discussing you both”

“Okay...” you half smiled, wondering what your own parents had said about you.

“And we just talked about like the pictures you guys post online...and we assumed, well, more like got the impression, that you two were together?” His mom admits.

You and taehyung both look blankly at them, silent staring before turning to eachother.

“It’s not a bad thing, your parents and us always said you would both end up together” his father laughed.

“Right, so Im suprised you are dating someone else” his mom inquired

“Starting the night off strong I see” you whispered to yourself, growing embarrassed at this conversation.

The older woman continued to ask questions. “Is it a serious relationship? Doesn’t he care you are living with another man?”

You took a sip of your water, clearing your throat. “Well...we’ve only been together for a little while, and yeah he does but not too muc-“

“It won’t last” his father cuts in casually, “young relationships like that come and go”

You didn’t know what else to do but nod and shove a piece of bread into your mouth.

His mother sighed and took a sip of her wine, “Ah your mother and father will be disappointed at the news” she laughed lightly.

“It’s not disappointing, you guys can’t just assume things” Tae added, stepping up for you as you drowned yourself in gluten.

“Well it is disappointing. We are getting older and you know, we don’t visit as much. I’m reaching the age where I’m ready to be a grandma” his mom adds, making you choke on your food.

“Are you ok?” His father asks, watching you chug your water more.

“Yup! So good! So ok!”

Taehyung seems embarrassed himself, you felt bad for him too. “Mom, y/n and I are just friends and we always have been, there is nothing like that in our future” he brushed off the pain in his chest as he defended you.

You looked at Tae for a moment before looking down and playing with your napkin.

“Sad” she responded, looking up as the waiter came over, delivering the food to each person.

“Thank you” you spoke, finally happy that your pasta had arrived. Tae laughed to himself, of course you’d get pasta at a French restaurant.

It remained quiet for the first few minutes while you all indulged in your meals.

Taehyung looked up from his plate, trying to find something to say.

“Hows everything for you guys? Everyone at home all good?” He asked softly, taking a sip of his Diet Coke.

His mother nodded, “everything is good, your father and I redid the kitchen, and we even cleared out the attic, turning it into a guest room”

“Oh that’s nice” he smiled.

“So you guys can come visit if you ever wanted to” his father added, making you smile.

“Yes that sounds fun” you replied “it’ll be hard to plan something with mr workaholic over here” you joke, nudging Tae.

“Speaking of that, how is work?” His father asks, taking a bite of his dish.

“It’s going well, I mostly work from home, but I’m doing extra hours next week so..” he nodded.

“Working from home? That must be nice, i dont see why you can’t take some college classes from home at least”

You sigh at the conversation once again taking another rude turn. You love the kims, but it’s impossible to talk to them.

“Actually, he is taking a college course” you smile, Turing to Tae to see a mortified expression.“What?” His mother perks up.

“He just did his first class today, it’s an art class, you know, painting and stuff” you smile sincerely. “Art....” his father snickers. You felt taehyungs leg kick against yours, obviously this wasn’t something he wanted to be said. You instantly regretted trying to make him look good the moment his mother commented.

“Ah taehyung you go through life thinking your doing good things but where will an art class get you huh? I worry about you so much...” she sighed and put her fork down.

“When will you take your life seriously? You are 23! I had a kid at your age and was married” She added on, taehyung now scraping his fork against a piece of meat as he avoided eye contact.

This is almost identical to the last time we had all met up, when Tae dropped the bomb of dropping out of college. You hoped this time would be better, but unfortunately, thanks to you, it is possibly even worse.

“It’s just for fun....” you mumble, turning your eyes to see Tae looking at his shoes, tears at the brim of his eyes while he has yet to speak.

“Thats the problem y/n, his whole life is fun, no work, no discipline. And I can’t say different for you.” His father spoke,

“I mean who goes to college and decides to do something as risky as theatre? Unless you plan on being an award winning actress it’s going to get you nowhere.” He sighed, “you two live in fantasy world”

“It’s time to grow up” his mother added, finishing her food.

You felt a hole in your stomach, it was guilt, pure guilt. You didn’t mean to ignite this, not here and not now, when we were supposed to be having fun.

Taehyung shook his head and laughed, taking your glass of wine and gulping it down in a few sips, his face scrunching up before standing and exiting outside. You watch as he goes, standing to grab the left behind jacket and phone. “You’re just going to leave?” His mother questioned, making you shrug. “This wasn’t how dinner was supposed to go, i apologize” you mumble, “we will meet up again before you guys head home, ok?” You add, chasing after taehyung.

You find him outside of the restaurant, sitting a few steps away on a staircase.

“Tae...”

You walk closer, standing in front of him.

“I thought you quit” you speak quietly, gesturing towards the cigarette in his mouth.

He doesn’t reply, rather simply glares at you before turning his head and exhailing the smoke. “Look Im sorry, I didn’t mean to expose anything, I feel awful” you reach to put your hand on his shoulder, he shudders and scooches away. “You have a way of making me look like a fool, y/n” he smiles, looking at the cars driving by.

You breathe, watching him articulate his thoughts. “You think I’m incapable of reading books you like” he began to list. “You think that my job is dumb, you think the art class is stupid.” He laughed to himself and shook his head. “You think I’m a complete loser and could never possibly understand what it takes to be smart or successful”

“Thats not fucking true taehyung, stop it” you mutter, feeling like you were slapped. “See, you are doing it right now. You feel like you need to tell me how to act, how to feel. You embarrass me and make me the fool” he began to wipe at his cheek, standing up and walking past you as he spoke.

“You and Kaito must have a blast making fun of how dumb I am” he smiled and exhaled more smoke, looking at you. “You are acting immature, it’s not funny” you spoke sternly. “Oh but it is funny, y/n, because I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about trying so hard to impress you, or being smart like you, or impressing my own parents” he stopped in his tracks as you glared at him.

“You focus on your little life, ok? Focus on college, focus on eventually graduating, focus on your friends, kaito, and hiding hickies because that’s what you do best apparently” he scoffed and put out his cigarette, grabbing the jacket from your hands and walking towards the direction of your apartment.

You are left in nothing but shock, once again, as he leaves you in a speechless position. You take back what you said earlier about you both returning to normalcy, because apparently you take one step forward and 20 fucking steps back with each day that passes. You couldn’t help but wipe the tears that fell from your eyes as you began to walk back to the apartment as well, taehyung now out of your vision completely.

Everything recently in your life has gone so down hill, and you can’t blame anyone else but yourself. Word of advice for anyone listening: don’t live with your best friend then decide to add benefits and grow super attached, break said situation while also pursuing a new relationship with someone else.

It will fuck you up.

A/N: whew.....

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @kthstrawberryshortcake-main

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