#writing is just hard period
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This why y'all should N E V E R delete your WIPs out of frustration because you think they're horrible, shitty, not good enough, etc. etc.
Because you can come back to your old WIPs with new skills and sometimes it just magically works! It's like a light bulb going off in your head! Suddenly that old spark of passion that originally inspired you to create the WIP in the first place has been reignited. Except this time, you have more skills at your disposal to create the story you want. ❤️
Writers keep in mind while you’re working on your current WIP, you’re learning skills that may not result in you being able to complete that particular WIP to your satisfaction, but WILL bear fruit in your NEXT WIP. Like, you might’ve blown up this science project, but next time (or the time after, or the time after…) you’ll nail it because of what you learned while setting fire to this one.
#take it from someone who used to control alt delete tens of thousands words worth of documents#that she can NEVER get back again#all because she was so frustrated in her own lack of writing ability#don't be too hard on yourself#writing is fucking hard#it's hard for professionals and amateurs#it's hard for people with years of training and experience who know what they're doing too#writing is just hard period#it is a JOURNEY so embrace it#writing positivity
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Zenos gets to have the terrible realization that he is the only prince with the patience to put up with him anymore.
#ffxiv#sketch#emet selch#solus zos galvus#zenos yae galvus#meanwhile emet gets to mull over all the bullshit that happened between 1.0 to arr#i also get to draw buff arr zenos around old solus for once AND i get to curse myself#because the way I draw old solus will be forever tainted by the sheer amount of time I also have in Hades#i cant help myself im sorry#just another little concept of zenos being well aware of the emperors health even though he notoriously barely remembers things#probably cause hes that one character that is terrifyingly observant purely out of how fuckin bored he always is#(and I also write him caring about his grandpa and being devastated by his death for... several reasons honestly but still)#its hard not to notice looking into his character how varis made zenos' life miserable right after he becomes emperor#i got to draw cute chibis in exchange for being a little sad at the concept#that zenos would worry about- as he continues to ail- his grandfather getting more and more lonely on his deathbed#also from noting that the brief periods he's pulled from his anhedonia is when he's helping other people
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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My brother in law let me borrow Sonic Frontiers [also read: asked me if I had access to a PS5 and when I said yes, handed it to me and said "play this"] and now my two biggest gaming nightmares are merged into one! [Fast paced gaming mechanics and open world map structures]
Anyway, I've been playing for 8 hours.
#spazzcat barks#i also bought sonic x shadow origins#because im... well... going insane i think#i am having so much fun with the edgy hedgehogs#unrelated but i think my favorite version of knuckles is sonic frontiers knuckles#man is both really curious about whats going on and still shoving himself in to protect sonic despite being basically a ghost#we stan a king#knuckles and shadow are currently battling as my fav characters#also? really like sonic as a character?#the idea of a hero who is reckless and who cant say no to a fight no matter how bad an idea it might be#but who still manages to be a paragon of optimism despite the pitfalls of his personality#cool concept#it reminds me of something? a 90s anime protagonist maybe?#i keep thinking Luffy but i watched like... 20 episodes of One Piece so i think thats wrong#maybe Edward Elric if he werent so jaded#oh! to whom it may concern: i promise im still enjoying Hermitcraft and working on RnS#this does not mark a major shift in fandoms lol#ive just hit a... we'll call it a mental play period#im having fun with a new thing -- especially after the old thing was becoming tedious#[having a hard time writing no time for drawing etc]#end of rhe year rut#this is passing it nicely though
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whenever I see a fic where a character has a panic attack and another character helps them breathe in deeply like "Can you breathe with me?" or something like that it kinda instantly takes me out of it because I've literally never had someone know to do that for me in real life?? Maybe it's just me but idk do most people have enough basic knowledge on panic attacks to do that? And are also calm and collected and together enough in the moment to help someone like that? Idk man just feels unrealistic 🤷
#could be that my panic attacks manifest mostly with crying#but people usually try to either logic/ talk through the problem‚ offer to hug/other physical comfort or just listen and wait until it stops#I feel like it's very different based on who#so seeing literally every fic character do this is kinda wild to me#like even characters who weren't alive in a time period where much is known on mental health and panic attacks#fic writers begging you to give your characters different ways to help someone through a panic attack#also not accounting for the fact that when someone is panicking that kinda rubs off on you/freaks you out#and it's hard to think clearly and comfort the person. at least in my experience#fanfiction#ao3 fanfic#ao3#writing#writing characters#writing advice#ao3 writer
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watch me speedrun my english homework in 30 minutes (its due at 11:59pm)
EDIT IM GONNA REUSE ONE IVE ALREADY WRITTEN i hope my english teacher doesnt mind getting trauma dumped on (im physically incapable of writing a happy poem)
#i have to write a poem and analyze it#which shouldnt be hard i write poems all the time#BUT I CANT JUST DO IT ON COMMAND#I HAD ALL CLASS PERIOD AND COULDNT COME UP WITH SOMETHING#okokok wait its 11:27 i gotta lock in#eunoia annoys '♡'
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wash tormenting the reds in the most petty ways possible because he's still pissed off about them hitting him with a car and then blowing him up in s8 is so important to me you don't even understand
#I'm pretty sure I've said it on my old blog before but wash is the blues older brother but to the reds? he's the neighborhood bully lmao#that scene in s13 where wash gets all the chorus soldiers to turn on grif for refusing to attend the training sessions? 100% an act of#calculated cruelty on wash's part lmao#oh oh or in s11 when wash hooked up blue base to the ships power but not the reds? also calculated lol#wash stealing all of their stuff in s10 will also always be a fav petty wash moment of mine#he is out to make them suffer and they're not even aware of it lol#rvb#agent washington#mine#not t/oaru#if i ever write my ct lives au fic I'm going so hard on petty grudge holding wash#he is an absolute menace but he's so lowkey about it that in universe trying to convince ppl that wash is as petty as he is#is nearly impossible#the only ppl aware of wash's true nature are the counselor the director ct alpha and probably maine (and maybe florida)#everyone else sees him in a similar light as his fanon characterization#that's part of the reason why i think lina was so shock in s10 when he turned his gun on her bc to her wash was always so subordinate that#she just genuinely never saw it coming#anyway wash/ct/maine friendship is so important to me. i like to include south in there too sometimes but honestly south comes off as a#loner type. like she doesn't mind ppl but no one except north is really willing to tolerate her uh....personality for long periods of time#shes very....reactive and emotionally charged#but tbh id be that way too if i was stuck with north#north unironically reminds me of my dad but not in the good way lol#god my tags are all over the place#audhd brain goes brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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#sorry lol#i barely have any time to write lately#i see you smudged lipstick lovers#trust me i want to write the last chapter as much as you want to read it#life has been so weird these past few months#i promise im trying#its just hard#im hard#sorry my cat took my phone and typed that#i swear im a dignified mature woman#but seriously i feel so bad for rarely posting#on my old acc there was this period where i posted a fic once a day for like a month#i miss that#♡ . jade rambles
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honkai: star rail or omori
HOW COULD YOU ASK ME THIS. I'M GOING TO PUT YOUR GARRUS FICS IN THE LIBRARY AND KISS YOU OVER THE PAGES.
#🐇#i actually don't know the answer DJAKLBJADJFKDA it's really hard to be objective about The Current Hyperfixation#i want to say omori has had a more profound influence on me but i mean honkai is getting up there it just needs some more time to percolate#it got me into reading and very close to writing chinese fic#has me making aus even modern aus and daydreaming about fluff and happy endings#these are all new things for the sunny...#the same way omori got me into horror for real and had me writing outline fics and lowercase fics and the most deranged exciting things#and was the first fandom i broke 100k for but honkai is at 85k now so we're getting even#I LOVE BOTH OF THEM A LOT THAT'S FOR SURE#only time will tell if honkai will stay past the honeymoon period but either way i am happy with everything it's given to me hehe
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I realize I've been so flaky with responding to asks, finishing my drawings or fics I promised, etc. I've kind of been drifting in and out of tumblr without interacting much. Real life just finally started, and I need to build up a ton of motivation and find time before I can work on a fandom project. Just wanted to say that I'm still here and still working on stuff, just slowly.
#i'm speaking to a dead fandom but still lol. thought i'd disclose.#i've reached new levels of perfectionism with my art which prevents me from drawing or posting anything at all#and my writing has really changed in the last few years to the point where i don't feel a space for myself in fandom#not sure how to explain it i just don't feel like i really have a space on ao3 or tumblr or even discord. like i don't enjoy fandom -#- much anymore or any/all of the things that most people in the fandom enjoy.#not because of any drama or discourse that happened. i just genuinely feel like an outsider.#i'm still trying to get myself to write because i have so many unfinished projects i want to post#but at this point it's like. writing to a brick wall?#i don't want to be an author who stops posting because my works don't get enough interaction or whatever. the tog fandom -#- is in a quiet period. it's gonna happen. esp with the way fandom is nowadays.#so i don't want to do that to the people who actually read and love my work#i just want to express how hard it really is to keep writing when you 1) feel you don't belong in fandom / are an outsider#and 2) have next to no interaction on your works.#maybe it would be easier to write and post if my wips weren't all long. i think that's also part of it.#so to the people who actually reblog my art and take the time to comment on my fics: genuinely i appreciate you so so much.
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Jitterbug
#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it#and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago#bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o)#well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall#im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot#i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing????#i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T#because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks#at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better#its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh#in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats#mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year#i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o)#THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o(#yapping#my art#myart#doodles#personal#diary
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A while ago you did a CKAU fusion-au and talked a bit about Sam/Dream, Punz/Dream, and Punz/Sam fusions. Is there ever a time where Awesamdrunz ends up in a three part Sam/Dream/Punz fusion? I imagine it would have to be fairly late into the relationship development, well after the communication knife is more a symbol than a real threat. Maybe well after everything has become soft and the edges between them have worn away, they're relaxing together. A comfortable collection of three people basking in their love for each other and then suddenly it's just one person who is loved-loved-loved.
I'm not sure what they would look like, but I bet they'd have Sam's ability to purr and just... not ever stop. Like, constant state of purring.
yseyseyesyse I zoom around you very quickly.
And then I read it again and zoom faster because eeeeeeee. I'm trying to think of how it happens. Its not intentional, definitely not, maybe they're all just so deeply cuddled together and Dream thinks about how nice it would be to be so pressed together they become one person. Maybe Dream and Punz are having fun playing around while Sam makes dinner, and Punz nudges Dream with mischief in their eyes, before they both sneak over and kiss a surprised Sam on each cheek. Maybe they're watching a stream on the couch, Punz petting Sam's flank from where they've been loafed on, while Dream is cuddled up in Sam's arms, and Sam just wants More, to be just a little closer.
There is only purring forever. They are all curled up, fluffy fur and bee wings and paws. When Sapnap comes over to visit later that afternoon, he will get disgruntled purring and a large Paw will gently shove him out the door. This Is Warm Basking Time And Must Not Be Interrupted.
#ask boxed#awesamdrunz#fusion au#hi sorry this took so long every time I read the ask I'd go insane and have to spin them in my brain for long periods of time#its very hard to write and not just burst into zoomies#I have to go take a walk now to get the zoomie energy out#DID YOU KNOW THAT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER YOU KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND THEYRE HAPPY AND I LOVE THEM AND
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somewhere out there is an alternate timeline where toby was correct and people actually did hate spamton. could you imagine that. i have to imagine we wouldn't have gotten the spamton sweepstakes in that case which is crazy to think about given how much lore that gave us-
#puppy rambles#deltarune#spamton#my favorite part of the spamton sweepstakes is the part of the q&a where spamton implied he and jevil are divorced#are all the secret bosses in a polycule you think. we need to add to this deranged relationship#diversity win! all the people who were driven insane by being told their world is just a game are in a polyamorous relationship <3#i like to think gaster made a discord for all of them. just like ''hey. sorry for telling you your world's fake. here's a discord. good by'#i don't even care about the secret bosses super much but they still amuse me greatly. even if there's only two of them rn-#spamton is so hilarious. idk why everyone is so obsessed with him but it makes him even funnier to me#also his text in brackets is fun to write. it's also hard to write but you can do so much with it#since it's taken from various places on the internet you can just reference memes#... i mean the one problem is that it'd probably have to be memes from the time period deltarune's in#so like. early 2000's or 2010's#but the valentines don't regard that and reference more recent memes so who knows really#maybe deltarune's actually meant to be in modern times. i mean you could fully convince me#that noelle just likes old internet-style websites and stuff dfskljfdsdfjksfkjlsfkj-#(i mean some of the meme references are up to interpretation)#(but the two definite ones are the war thunder forums leaking military documents and also the hotel mario intro)#(and at the very least the former is a newer thing)#(there's also seemingly references to the ''let me in'' meme and the foam shower images from the april fool's newsletter last year)#(idk where the fuck else ''insulating foam'' would be taken from-)#i hope spamton just randomly contributes to conversations sometimes if you have the dealmaker equipped#i logically doubt it but it'd be extremely hilarious#i'm now imagining equipping the dealmaker to noelle. who was not there for either spamton encounter#''um. kris why's there a voice in my head telling me to be a big shot?'' ''don't worry about it''#alternatively if you just get the dealmaker from the hole in castle town cuz you have another file with it#... can you do that in chapter 2 files. if so then can you technically have the dealmaker while not having met spamton-#''player why is there a voice in my head telling me to be a big shot'' ''don't worry about it''#''i'm sparing you from having an existential crisis later-''
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I think I’ve just been in a bummy mood for the past couple days but like …
#the nice way to say it: um. I have been having a hard time relating to a lot of the posts I’ve been seeing lately#not even relating but like. visualising.#the mean way to say it: I fee like. people have been writing such unrealistic scenarios for characters that it’s been hard to enjoy#the posts altogether#is that relatable or is it just a me thing?#tbh I think I’m abt to get my period and that’s why I’m so sensitive rn#cuz I’m also mad about something else. oh. people being jerks about the mha spoilers reactions on tik tok#but idk.#I don’t think any of the windbreak boys would be as cool as some people write them#where’s the realism#am I crazy?#delete later#caitie blabs
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Anyways. Having a good time writing Hornblowerfic rn
#cs forester's style just uncompels me so deeply that i am loath to write in it sorry#i'm not even good at the time period but if it's not set in the period it's supposed to be then what's the point!!!!!!#commit to your historicalness sir we go hard or we go home#perce rambles#percy yells at cecil scott#<- truly insane how literally every single one of the posts tagged as this are actually me just yelling at him
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A little bit of a San hard thought…maybe, sort of, kind of (MDNI)
Okay so for some reason Coachella San still has me in a chokehold, almost two months later and I just had to get this off my chest, because this has been on my mind for a while and it’s driving me crazy. Also this will probably be the only time I post something like this, unless I feel very strongly about it.
Looking at these photos that he posted on Instagram, just fills my mind up with thoughts of littering his chest and abs with hickeys.
Like just imagine, you on top of San, straddling him as you sucked at the skin of his chest, all the while San below you -I’d like to imagine that he’s very vocal with this type of intimacy, because we love men who are vocal- is letting out low groans and maybe along with the occasional whine of your name. Maybe he would even buck his hips, especially as you traveled down his toned stomach and got closer to the band of his underwear, because the smallest things you do can get him so worked up.
#kpop#ateez#choi san#hard thoughts#I just like to say that I have never ever had like an actual hard thought before believe it or not#san is just a special case#you’re either the biggest soft stan or the biggest hard stand there is no in between when it comes to this man#also this may be start of san brainrot#I might delete this when I when wake up#I should probably go to bed it’s currently 3:44 am#what I am still doing up???#also i start my period like some time this week so that’s probably why I felt the very strong urge to write this#also I’m sorry if this is a bit cringy I don’t usually write things like this#so sorry about that#anyway im gonna stop rambling now and go to sleep#san hard thoughts#choi san hard thoughts
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