#writing is a difficult skill for me that I have yet to conquer

[lyss-butterscotch]

Hey— you!

I noticed the interests in your thing, what other series you didn’t mention there yet you like?

Oooh okay okay so im just gonna mention the medias i like / that stuck with me for long / have good knowledge of

Games :

Rain World - love the lore, the procedural animation, detailed bg and ecosystem

Hollow Knight - my first ever computer game, 112% full achievement it 3 times (twice pirated, once in steam), love the art style, mechanics, and lore

Ultrakill - Fulfilled the aggression i got from HK's godhome but 100x over. I love the simplicity over everything and the smooth rewarding combat mechanics. Also The OST

Genshin Impact - Mild interest in the lore, but i love the character, environment designs, and the OST, one of my 'go to for design ideas' media

Celeste - EVERYTHING ABOUT IT, the story the artstyle the music and THE MECHANICS, i love going nyoom and i love being able to conquer difficult things in games that is purely skill based

A Hat in Time - Very cute feels good games. Its old timey but in a good way. Love the characters, artstyle, and the BANGER OST

Inscryption - Aesthetics goals. I love the atmosphere, the sfx design, the story. I just really like how snappy and satisfying every move is

Stardew valley - comfort game :)

Project Moon Games (Lob Corp / Library of Ruina / Limbus Company) - I love Lob Corp in particular because of the monster designs and the batshit mechanics and lore, I love the other two because the lore is onpar with whatever homestuck got going on but like... it actually makes sense. TLDR its SCP but worse /pos

Resident Evil (Specifically RE7 above) - I like the horror vibes, character and environment designs inspos

OFF - Weirdcore but in a nice way. I love the sketchy artstyle

Oneshot - 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Funamusea Games (The Gray Garden / Wadanohara / Mogeko Castle) - Funny lil stories, mostly love it for the character designs since the artist makes alot of OCs

Animes :

Madoka Magica - AMAZING WRITING ANIMATION CHARACTER DEPTH OST EVERYTHING, What i strive for when writing characters, the collage facked up witches is also such an inspo

Ghibli Movies (HOWLS MOVING CASTLE, Spirited Away, The Cat Returns, Princess Mononoke) - Animation, Artstyle, Background art, Story inspirations. Theyre so feel good while also being illegally pretty and heartfelt

Kill la Kill - really fackin brash but i love the OST and the fluid lively animation, just a fun watch

Houseki No Kuni / Land of the Lustrous - Its really pretty, it has AMAZING WRITING, the 3d anime for it was SO GOOD, the manga broke me, aesthetics of all time

Saiki K - No reason in particular, the dude's just a constant mood

Toilet Bound Hanako-Kun - I just really like the aesthetics and the artstyle its so pretty, aesthetic goals

Other medias :

Homestuck - I was there when [S] ACT 7 dropped. I know its like shitpost 70% of the time but it inspires me to see how it started and how it ended

Epithet Erased - I really like the art style and the simple yet lively tweening, the rare animations are really good too. I love the character designs alot

Wakfu - Animation, artstyle, and aesthetics goal. I never finished it and the story is a lil wonky but the artstyle stood out alot to me

The Owl House - The animation and characters and environment designs are so good. The story is really nice too they got to end it well despite being cut short.

Alien Stage - I love the art style. I LOVEEE THE MUSIC ITS SO GOOD AND I LOVE THE CHARACTERS, THE STORY IS WRITTEN THROUGH SHORT SONGS BUT DAMN DO THEY HIT

Analogue Horror (Backrooms, Mandela Catalogue, Local 58, Gemini Home Entertainment) - I love the vibes and creative story telling. World building inspos

[rosepais]

Let it Go!

Let it go!

It has been 7 years since the journey of single parenthood began. Since then, until today, I have heard many people writing to me, telling me, how I have inspired them to do the impossible. It warms my heart to know my journey is inspiring if not easy. This blog post is an honest one, something I have been meaning to write for quite some time but did not find the inspiration until now. I thought it is time to let everyone who are going through a similar journey that it is going to be OK.

Giving strength to someone when I am crumbling myself has been my core skill off late. It makes me happy and proud.

I recollect on my journey so far and realize it has not been easy. No one promised it would, I knew it is going to be tough, painful, and lonely. Yet, when I took the decision, I felt right, relieved and renewed as a person.

I took a decision to let go what is not mine, to let go what does not value me as a person, to let go what cannot be repaired, which is completely broken. This gave me peace. It made me think, I wish I had done this earlier.

Knowing when it is right.

One day you are going to feel numb, and wonder, is this all worth it. You have given your 100%, you gave your all, yet you do not find happiness and the burden in the heart does not lift. You have just one life, do not wonder what the world will think about you, wonder what you are going to think about yourself. If your decision is going to lead to peace and happiness for both sides, then you know it is time to move on. One must have the maturity to accept the fact that, one’s true calling always need not be necessarily to be in a relationship, a family. You can fly solo as well.  

Once you take this decision, remember, there is no turning back.

Do not think you cannot do without them. Remind yourself that there was a time you didn’t know them, and you were doing just fine.

Safe circle

If you have a child involved or any dependency involved from the relationship you are in, it is important to note that one must have a safe circle or in other words, a circle of friends whom you can trust your child with. Whom you count on to be there when you are at your lowest point. It is important to find a set of people who do not judge you.

There are days when you do not have the strength in you to raise a small child, you want to sulk and cry. Some days you have no strength to even pray. You beg for the lord to take this pain away. During those days, you need someone to hold you, remind you that everything is going to fall in place. Your safe circle is called such so that you need not fear the safety of your child and yourself with them.

The right decision for your child

If you have an offspring from the relationship that you were in, remember, being a spouse and being a parent are 2 different things. I see so many times in family courts where one parent refuses the other parent to meet their children or fight for them like they are a piece of meat.

Already it is difficult on them to accept that their parents are separating. Do not make it worse by being stubborn.

What you are to each other as a spouse is different from what you are as a parent. One must not steal the right of parenthood. Amicably speak and come up with decisions that will help you co-parent the child and raise a child with mental happiness.

For the child it is very important to see their parents happy if not together.

Conquer the loneliness & pain!

There is absolutely no shortcut to this. I wish there was, but one must take the long road and realize, you are enough. you love yourself and you are worth it. You may find a companion again, but loving oneself and realizing that being alone is not actually a bad thing, it is a reminder that you need to take care of yourself too. Focus on what you lost and gain it back. The mental health, the job, your passions and one day you will reach a stage where you look in the mirror and feel nothing but proud of how far you have come as a person. To reach this stage, it takes time. As I said, I wish there was a shortcut, but this involves a lot of pain, silent tears, depression, food disorders and health issues. It is very important to remember to pick yourself up, dust it off and move one step ahead every day and not sulk in the lonely feeling for long.

Acceptance

Last but not the least, acceptance and the most important point. Accept who you are and what has happened to you. Yes, what happened is not fair, but there are worst things that could have gone wrong.

Train yourself to accept what cannot be changed. Do not beg and hold on to something when the universe is taking its natural course to make your life better. To experience the better days, you must suffer the pain, shed the tears, and heal.

People will talk, but as days pass you will be their inspiration and they would secretly wish they have the courage to do what you did.

This post is not a tour guide to divorce, or break up from any relationship, mind you, it is a reminder to be brave through all odds, and whatever happens, happens for good. I am hoping what I am going to share will strengthen you in your journey ahead and help you walk with your head held high. The rewards of that one brave step to freedom are truly worth it.

LET IT GO! It is time.

This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.

[heartlurch]

if u had to define it, what is it that u try most to bring out or represent in what u make, both aesthetically and narratively? I get a lot of the feeling if weird childhood feelings intersecting with like, adult feelings we don't quite understand yet- a kind of innocent puppy love that leads to a very sado-masochistic but equally innocent frame of mind. the idea that you want someone to be completely part of you, in every sense, in the most innocent- but not necessarily nice- way possible. like, when you're little, anything makes sense because nothing makes sense. (and also something something the inherent closeness of siblings...)

A real thinker. Hmm, how do I word this...

Aesthetically, I've always been drawn to 'cute' things. Little anime mascots, pretty creatures with bright eyes and long flowing hair. I'm inspired by things like Hamtaro, early Pokemon/Neopets design sense, a couple aspects of Digimon... My Little Pony! All things that have been dear to me since I was a lil kid. :3

I was also an edgy kid, though, so the kind of narratives I was inclined towards making were full of, er, murder, kidnapping, rape, slavery, cannibalism, torture... debauchery. Le weird age gap relationships, le interspecies, le forbidden love. (Funnily enough, I was late to the game with incest, it didn't really 'click' until I was about 17...) But yes, sado-maso, that was the core fixation. I wanted to see raw emotions! Misery! Scary situations! Dire romances!! And, I wanted all of these things to be inflicted to the pokemon, the my little ponies. I wanted to see those designs, that I was so attracted to, be put through this. Being honest, I don't think it was about contrasting something from my 'childhood' with something 'adult'... Well ah, real animals experience violence, death, rape, subjugation... *taps chin* I'm not sure if it feels like an 'adult' concept, because it's not as if it's exclusive to adults... Anything can experience intense circumstance, right? At that point, it's a matter of wanting to apply a sense of 'reality' to these creatures... Beyond that, it's also as simple as mashing up my favorite things together in a big pile. At that point, it's just incidental I wasn't like, idk, into detective dramas and putting the pokemon in that. (Not to nitpick too much... I'm just reflecting on my perspective. I'll circle back to this.)

Anyhoo... His little pea was thinking of such things at age like, 8, or something. Though I think I was closer to 11-13 when I was trying to actually write and draw these thoughts. None of this is so unique really; you can find tons of dA galleries from kids who want to see pikachu be fucked up and evil. As a result, I didn't feel like I was weird for what was doing, tbh. If anything, discovering fanfic dot net and dA made me feel validated — lots of people want to see this stuff! It was euphoric for a moment. Ah, so lots of people think like me... Cool!

I was mostly self-conscious at my own feeble skills. I'd have in my mind all these complex, winding narratives... Envisioning demon rituals where a kid needs to crush a live mouse between his teeth, swallow it whole, to complete it — but I couldn't remotely illustrate my thoughts. I'd barely be able to make some chicken scratch scribble of the design, and it'd be some feeble chibi lol. I felt a dissonance between my art and my desires. And it felt incompetent of me...

(You wouldn't know this girlie is a despondent sex slave, would you-??)

How do I improve drawing things that are pretty, cute, and appealing to me... but also, how do I create atmosphere? How do I convey all they are going through? This is where it's difficult, because there's not much to teach you how to... draw your cutesy little critter, writhing in agony. Expressive faces and posing are such a hill to conquer. And then beyond that, I have to realize there's other art that inspires me... I really love moeblob anime girls! Frilly shoujo styles! Expressive toons and furries... The simplicity of something like Adventure Time. What do I take away from these things? How do I integrate them-? I was honestly so clueless about it for years. Kind of at a loss of how to convey everything.

By now, I realize I want things to be mm... fluid, fantastical, a bit boneless... But not TOO boneless, it needs to be! Grounded! It needs volume, weight, I don't want things to get too loose, too flat, too 'shapes'. There's a lot of beauty to organic form... Grit to the living body. I want to imbue my favorite designs with that! A mascot is often designed with no intention to see it twist, flex, roll around, writhe... I want to look at a design like pichu and give it muscle and organs. It has a skeletal structure! It breathes! It exists. With all the dreamy, unreal smoothness of a real mouse. :3

Beyond that, I had much to hone about what I value in narratives. Getting it down to a science... What do I really want? At first, I think I over-emphasized wanting 'bad things' to happen. Harm happened, but too much for the sake of it. There was not enough meaning behind it. What imbues it with meaning...? I've found that the answer is: characters being obsessively, madly in love. A love that consumes everything, a love that drives you to act in a way you can't understand. This is where you get into the 'want to be completely intertwined, want all of you, no matter what '. That mentality. The kidnapping should happen because of love! The cannibalism should happen because of love! The rape should happen because of love! Love, love, love. It's always out of love! Love is the only thing that matters.

As for your bit about "adult feelings we don't quite understand yet", I do ponder this sort of thing quite a lot. I feel like... a lot of your experience as a child is that people underestimate what you are capable of. It's kind of frustrating! You see how children are depicted in things... and it makes you feel microaggressed, almost, haha. I'm not so gormless... I have an inner world, I have desires. One can develop an arrogance about this even... I think kids are pretty arrogant, often. Since they know they're being underestimated?

But... you... don't know everything yet! You can be in over your head. That's the tricky thing; there's a lot you haven't experienced before and cannot put to words yet. There are feelings that you have, that you chase, but you don't even know why. Sometimes it's fully unconscious... or sometimes, you're half-aware of it, but you struggle to confront it. Maybe you'll let yourself 'get away' with what you're doing, by not looking at it head on... Ah, and then, I think about all the memories I have of being pointlessly scared or confused about something that was so simple in reality. There are so many anecdotes people share from childhood that I really dwell on. An innocuous post like this really sums up how you can have a very inexplicable but real fear, that gets overturned by something very arbitrary. DON'T YOU HAVE A 100 MEMORIES LIKE THIS...?? It's the comical aspect of it all.

I really like the respective 'flavors' of specific ages as well. So it's fun to get into the head of a 15 yo, a 13 yo, a 12 yo, a 9yo, a 6yo... And the intersection of different personalities and ages! What about a distinctly 'slow' or immature kid, paired with someone younger yet more mature? Or perfectly on their level? Or... [goes on and on...] How do they encourage one another, who instigates what, what do they incidentally stumble into? I love accidents. I love not planning to do something... not intending to do anything more than an innocuous game. Or a mish-mash of, one of you is more clueless, the other knows they're doing something underhanded... Indeed, it's not always nice. It's often selfish. Love makes you selfish, love makes you impulsive and reckless. But it also makes you covet, find things precious. You end up feeling protective, as much as you feel destructive. How contradictory it all is!! Hehe. As you can probably tell, by now, I could spend all day thinking about this stuff...

Now that I have my ultimate best friend forever and ever, my wifey, it's all I want to think about. :3 I feel like being with her specifically, is what helped me fully understand the appeal of sibling characters. I've kind of dabbled in it before but, it's really being with Avvy that makes me crave the fantasy of wanting to be born together, grow up together... Never be apart. We're inseparable and spend every second with one another, so it's very natural to translate our dynamic into something like the Yugi twins. How warm and cozy! Let's play forever!

Bit of a tangent, but it's all relevant, I promise.

So hm... going over my art journey and all... As an adult, I've reached a point where I can reflect on everything I've been drawn to, and why, and I can understand what I want to make of it all. I felt more aimless before, and helpless about how to make everything harmonize. It all kind of felt like a big soup of disparate things I was trying to mash together, with mixed results. Now I feel more exact. And I can reflect on my own experiences and memories and use that to connect and explore characters. I like this... it's like my entire life becomes a reference point, something to pull from. A moment, a feeling, a tactile experience... It can be plucked and made into art. Which is lovely. At this point, it makes me a little excited when I experience stressful things, because it can be something I use later. Physical illness is fodder for a sickly character. When I'm bedridden and my wife is bringing me water, it's like some weird kinnie euphoria lol. My twin is here for meeee... kaff kaff

I keep trying to think of how to succinctly summarize this all... Maybe I can't. The last thing I want to say is I put a lot of reverence in my personal art, now. And I'm pretty severe about this, I don't want to draw something out of any other reason than adoration. It needs to matter to me. I have to love it. A lot of my old art is embarrassing, but as long as I was trying my best, it's not so bad. The stuff I truly hate was when I faffed off and drew some meaningless meme, just cuz my friends were doing it. And drawing things purposefully ugly. Making fun of my interests, out of shame, or something... I resent this. I won't ever do this again! If I draw Tsukasa... I need to make sure I'm conveying how I love him and how he is beautiful! At most, if I'm drawing something silly, it still needs to be cute. Appealing. A silly little comic. It's no fun of me, I know, but I hate meme-y art as a result. Useless to me. It's easy to be irreverent. Try praying to something next time you draw, if you want a challenge... *insane person voice*

Something something... oh, the reason I feel 'weird' and 'crazy' nowadays, is because I think a lot of people outgrow the edgelord, drawing pikachu crying blood phase. Or, it developed into something more... *squints* 'respectable'...? But I feel as though my raw desires haven't changed. If anything, I'm leaning into it allharder into it than I ever did when I was young.

I hope any of this was interesting. 🙇‍♀️

[fizzyswriting]

Drabble #1

The city burned.

The hero did nothing.

Even the villain was perplexed. Their mouth closed, and then shut. It felt like the words were stuck in their throat, refusing to come out.

The villain thought.. thought the hero would do something. They always did.

“I give up”

The villain inhaled sharply.

Those words felt wrong coming from the hero.

The once bright and bubbly hero, who would stop at nothing to help those in need, who was stubborn and never gave up without a fight, was now looking over the city with a sullen face.

The hero turned to look at the villian with a small smile. Their eyes, once so bright and shining with life, seemed dull and empty.

The villain felt their own eyes water.

“This is what you wanted wasn’t it? You win Villain.”

“You win”

[opalescient]

haikyuu fic recs — the most beautiful, lovely, breathtaking masterlist (vol. I)

so i’ve been binging fics to cure my sadness, and i thought that these select masterpieces were too magnificent to not be plastered on every billboard ever. some tore my soul into shreds, while others melted said shreds back whole, but all of them made me feel some form of sheer, unadulterated love, so. please enjoy! 🥰⛅️✨

note: all of these fics are exquisite and you should read all of them, but if you’re short of time, those with ☆ are my all-time favourites!

daisuga

butterfly in the subway by bigspoonnoya ☆ | T

Sugawara Koushi has no idea he's already in love with the man he's supposed to hate.

i lovelovelove how all the concepts tied in together like a perfectly wrapped gift

also very wholesome, made me feel so inexplicably warm. like, love can exist everywhere!!! despite everything!!! that’s just so inspiring

i revisited this many times, i think it was (one of) my first haikyuu fics and honestly. it set the bar so high and i have no regrets

you’d fit my lonely arms so perfectly by boxofwonder ☆ | G

“Oh. You're. Not Asahi.”

Calmed down enough that he can speak again, Daichi takes a deep breath, his smile settling on his face easily and wide.

“Not as far as I know, no.”

-

Suga accidentally calls a stranger instead of his best friend, tells him all about his burned batch of cookies before realising, and that particular mistake might turn out the best one he ever made.

major, major fluff

the buildup!!!

god this made my yearning for love so much worse

the perfect stranger by downmoon | T

There’s a man standing outside Suga's door.

Scratch that. Start over.

There’s a man he doesn’t know standing outside his door, holding his sleeping nephew in one arm, with another kid clinging tightly to his free hand.

so domestic please read the entire series from start to finish it has my whole heart

shoyou and tobio as their actual kids 🥺

these two parents are so in love it makes me wanna cry

asanoya

silica sand by lilien passe ☆ | G

Overworked, over-stressed programmer Azumane Asahi works on the top floor of a Shinjuku skyscraper. Nervous around his coworkers and terrified of the long drop on the other side of the window, Asahi falls into a miserable routine, only to have it broken one day by a simple message on the outside of the glass.

PLEASE. so well-written it makes my heart glow and ache simultaneously

made me ascend into asanoya heaven

such a brilliantly unique concept i love it A+

qué syrah syrah by loudlucy | M

Asahi wants to be a Master Sommelier. It's the highest honor in wine service, and the certification would allow him to live the life he's always envisioned for himself. Too bad the certification test is notorious for being the world's most difficult.

Most people fail their first time taking the exam, and Asahi is no exception, but he has more difficulty than most dusting himself off and getting back on his feet. Enter Nishinoya, a young man who shares his same dream, and who believes in their goals so fiercely it forces Asahi to embark on a delicious and sensuous journey of viticulture and validation.

AKA The Wine Tasting AU that literally no one even knew to ask for.

NOTE: You Do Not Need to Know About Wine to Understand This Fic!

another super unique concept!!! (´∀｀=)

my god their chemistry is amazing

the writing made me feel things ngl

stop my bones from wondering by cerasi ☆ | T

After graduation, Asahi hides from the world and needs help from a few sources to find his way back.

i want to write sonnets and sing ballads for this fic, it’s that beautiful

as always, Top Notch Writing *chef’s kiss*

no but i seriously... can i kiss the author? asking for a friend 😳👉🏼👈🏼

iwaoi

star-crossed by starlitcities | T

“I never thought I’d see the day that I’d envy a human,” Oikawa admits, showering himself in tiny suns, because he can actually feels those, like a fusillade of warm kisses on luminous skin that leave marks. To humans, they’d be freckles. Skin stars, Oikawa calls them. He didn’t make that up, a human did.

“Who created the rule that we can’t touch, I wonder,” Iwaizumi ponders, floating heedlessly through space.

“Maybe it’s because we can fly. Humans dream of flying, right?”

“I don’t think so.”

gsjsgsjshsjshsjsj star!iwaoi

they’re LITERALLY STARS

beautifulbeautifulbeautiful i love how the author conveyed the beauty of touch and humanity 🥺🥺

please bless yourself further with the sequel sun-kissed

conquering the great king by suggestivescribe ☆| E

Iwaizumi blinked his gaze over to Oikawa, "Last time was supposed to be a one time thing," he said, voice low, lacking some conviction.

Oikawa's lips twitched into a smirk and he brought them hovering just over Iwaizumi's, "One time thing, Two time thing, what's it matter as long as it's not a Relationship thing?"

yes.

in fact, this entire series (breaking the rules) features daisuga, kuroken, asanoya and it’s SO GOOD. every single one.

but anyway, character development!!!!! plot!!!!!!!!! writing!!!!!!!! i’m here for it all

tsukkiyama

campfire in your chest by deanpendragon ☆ | M

Kei realizes in their second year of high school that he’s probably been in love with Yamaguchi since they were ten. However hopeless he might be in handling that situation, Kei prays he’s at least not as hopeless as Hinata and Kageyama. But he just might be.

SO BEAUTIFUL

i am also a sucker for anything with stars, moons and all the love in between

no words to describe this work of art please just go read it and be blessed

under the lilac tree by raewrites | G

there’s a lilac tree in Kei’s backyard.

gorgeous in its simplicity

softtsukkisofttsukkisofttsukki

not as grandiose as the rest but the love written into every word, action and character is absolutely show-stopping

kagehina

saffron and cayenne pepper by dontsaycrazy ☆ | T

Cooking is hard. Even if you have your very attractive, very grumpy neighbor there to help you.

-

In which Hinata's lack of cooking skills are a danger to him and others. Luckily (or not), Kageyama is willing to teach him, if only for the sake of avoiding any burned down apartments.

the essence of their characters were captured so well and yet it’s like they’re completely new characters too? author, whoever you are, you totally owned this

this made me ship kagehina so hard

fluff! cuteness! lots and lots of cooing!

kuroken

the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) by cosmogony ☆ | T

soulmate

/ˈsəʊlmeɪt/ • noun

A person who was made from the same star as you.

-

// Kuroken AU where the last words your soulmate will say to you appear on your skin when you turn 16, and how Kenma and Kuroo learn what this means over the course of their lives.

ahhh here it is. beautiful, heartbreaking, soul-emptying agony. you want angst? choke on this, and your tears later on.

no but seriously please read this if you haven’t you won’t regret it at all i promise

written from kenma’s perspective so you experience every depth and multitude of emotion he does and it’s so raw and- brb imma go cry for a sec

knot in my heart by hearthope | T

There’s a picture. Kenma blinks, looking at the little calico cat, being held up next to the face of a guy with stupidly messy hair and a crooked grin.

Cute.

The— the cat. The cat is cute.

Just the cat.

-

Kuroo starts spending a lot of time at the flower shop Kenma works at. Kenma definitely isn't into him.

okay so i like it when authors unravel a normally stoic character’s full scope of emotion and give them depth, sue me.

anyway, back on the fluff train!

i absolutely f*ck with flower symbolisms, cats and bitchy best friends who have dirt on each other. the layers of romance, friendship and everything in between is so prettily developed 10/10

bokuaka

the jacket you never returned by daisuga ☆☆ | G

He leaned over, kissed Bokuto on the cheek, and smiled bitterly, eyes watery.

He will never remember. Not now, not ever.

What they were will now forever be forgotten.

-

"You used to call me Keiji, Koutarou."

YOU USED TO CALL ME KEIJI, KOUTAROU!!!!!!!!!!

i beg you to listen to Spiegel im Spiegel when it’s first mentioned in the story please

i read this and screamed through my tears for a solid 1.5 hours. i rarely cry.

no f*ckin regrets though i read this thrice already and it hurts so good every time

rules by conesofdunshire ☆☆ | E

In which Akaashi Keiji is an overworked accountant who stumbles upon Bokuto one night playing the piano in the lobby of his work. Bokuto is different, that much is obvious. But with such supreme musical talent and a smile so dazzling it rivals the sun, there's just something about him that brings Akaashi back every night.

this fic. this fic has my whole, broken, sobbing heart and laughing soul

gorgeous. breathtaking. magnificent.

bokuto is so WARM and akaashi is so STRONG and they both find the solace they need in each other and it’s all i want for me 😭😭😭

in another life by littleluxray | T

Sleeping didn't come as easy as it used to. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too.

The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write.

this is a famous fic that i doubt any seasoned haikyuu reader wouldn’t know, and RIGHTLY SO BECAUSE, the PAIN. the pain. the pain.

i could feel my lungs shrivel up and my chest cave in on itself. fatigue and rest are things i struggle with too so this whole story resonated with me from start to finish, and it broke me. in like, the best, most revitalising way

i would read this again but it still haunts me at night. i need to heal from the first time before i have the guts to try one more time HAHAHA 😆💔😭

tea-stained polaroids by dalyeau | G

“I'm gonna date that,” Bokuto declares solemnly, and Kuroo throws a plastic spoon at his head.

mmmmmmm pretty photographer + personalised coffee cups + cute baristas = diabetic fluff fic

i smiled so much throughout this you have no idea. cheeks achey but so good

i may have squealed a little at the ending

kurotsukki

moonfall by batman | T

There is no unlearning Tetsurou, after all. There is only leaving him.

-

(Five things of Tetsurou's that ended up in Kei's home, and one that never left.)

the writing!!!!!! is pure beauty!!!! sheer grace!!!!!!! the construction of the AU and the romanticism and hsjsgsjshsj

didn’t cry but. heart ache and bittersweet smiles are another level of misery that is just as fulfilling

yea just pleasepleasepleaseplease go read it thank you and have a good day

hidden gem by realmSpinner | E

Things get complicated when everything you thought you knew about a guy changes, and they get even more complicated when you actually start liking those changes.

That guy working with you AND becoming your neighbor? That's just a cherry on top of the cake of confusion.

this AU was refreshingly different, and amazingly so

top!tsukki??? sign me the f*ck up

the whole plot, man. perfection.

pings by barfs ☆☆ | T

[5/02/16, 3:50:17 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Please wake up.

[5/02/16, 3:50:23 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I hate begging. You know I hate it.

[5/02/16, 3:50:34 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I bet you’re snickering at that, wherever you are.

[5/02/16, 3:50:53 AM] Tsukishima Kei: But, it keeps hurting and I don’t know why and it feels like shit and I know you could tell me why, but you’re not here and I would really appreciate it if you’d just wake up.

[5/02/16, 3:51:02 AM] Tsukishima Kei: You’re laughing at that too, aren’t you.

[5/02/16, 3:51:10 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Dying is probably up there in the list of top ten shitty things you’ve ever done, and you’ve done a lot of shitty things.

god.

you already know what’s coming, and yet. when it comes.

how the f*ck did the author make grief beautiful????????? (at the expense of me dying along with kei and everyone else i guess)

this fic will ruin you and bury you under all your pain (i hope you’re ready)

but also put you back together with the “sequel”

kyouhaba

close to the chest by darkmagicalgirl | T

It takes Yahaba thirteen years to realize he's different from the other kids, one to figure out how to hide it, and two more to learn to be happy just the way he is. Yahaba's journey ft. an extremely annoyed Kyoutani, best friend in the world Watari, and loads and loads of good senpai Oikawa.

cause i’m (not) alright with the slow, burn~

no fr, take slow and burn very seriously

overthinking yahaba? i understand. i do.

again, such an amazing fic; 10/10 recommend

safe here by crossbelladonna ☆ | M

“Raids are routine work,” Kyoutani tells to Yahaba before he can air the question. “Sometimes there is no sleep done until we accomplish something, say kill a certain ghoul. I guess they’re still going through the possibility that people in the accident are still alive huh?”

Yahaba quirks a smile, pushing his mask up his head.

“You’re alive.”

Kyoutani looks at him intently and all of the things that they’ve gone through for the past month seems to flash in his mind.

“Yes I am.”

i haven’t watched tokyo ghoul but i understood everything perfectly. such is the power of f*cking kickass writing

*cue ugly crying and a lot of unresolved angst*

like the grief??????? ruin me please thank you 🙏 (i think i’m a little masochistic)

rare pairs

mannequin men by surveycorpsjean ☆ | M

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/tuskishima]

The modelling world is full of hungry wolves, constantly clambering over the other, snarling and desperate. They fight, and they kill, trampling over anything in their path.

In this case, Akaashi fell in love with the wolves.

i did not expect this to be good, and it wasn’t. it was SPLENDID.

akaashi is so enamoured with them from the get go i love it

a tiny bit of angst that stabbed me in the heart, but the happy ending soothed it (thankfully, because if there wasn’t one i will sue)

characterisation, writing, plot development; everything is great. can you tell i’m running out of synonyms for ‘beautiful’

feel like gold by heronfem ☆☆ | T

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/kenma]

In which Kenma is unapologetic and comfortable with who he is, Akaashi learns a lot about himself in a short period of time, Kuroo is wildly in love and an eternal survivor, and Bokuto remembers that love doesn't cure mental illness, but having a support system sure helps a lot.

Or, the one where 4 young men get together, and are helplessly, hopelessly, utterly in love despite everything.

e.e. cummings?? poetry??? f*ck yes

so beautiful. i’m so star-struck by this fic it’s simply stunning

there are no words to fully capture how worth your time and heart and mind reading this fic is so please. do yourself a favour, and fall in love with this fic with me

the sky and guilt are the only feelings i have left by oopsthisisqueertoo ☆☆ | not rated

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo]

Akaashi is at his wits end. He feels nothing. He's quickly crumbling as a human being. He wants nothing but sweet release of death. In his fourth year of college he drafts a plan for his suicide. He is to graduate, publish writing for others to be inspired by, and slip quietly away. Shortly after, he meets a dog walker named Bokuto who asks him out and Akaashi reluctantly agrees. Nothing matters anymore and he treats Bokuto like an obligation. Until he's not anymore.

TW: SUICIDE ATTEMPTS & DEPRESSION

this was... this gutted me entirely and filled my body with too many shades of agony

arguably one of the best haikyuu fics i’ve ever read

so beautiful in the most painful way fathomable; strongly recommend

april to may by surveycorpsjean | T

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/tsukishima]

They're an odd family.

The four of them? Parents?

But still, they're a family.

So they'll support each other until the end.

aaahhhhh third gym as parents 🥺

so much fluff. i also love april and may

they’re still so in love there’s love in every millimetre of this fic :”)

that’s it for now! i’ll add more if i come across anymore good fics. i hope you enjoyed this list! if you have any requests/fic recs, or if u just wanna chat, feel free to just ask! hehe 🥰 k aight bye~

[thelostnymphaeum]

All this while I have been a weaver without wool, a ship without the sea. Yet now look where I sail.

Entry: 011 // Literature // Title: Circe Author: Madeline Miller Year: 2018

___

Circe, meaning Hawk, her mother named her for her eyes and her strange voice. I have only ever heard of Circe briefly from the tales that she is a witch but besides that, I know nothing about the lady who turned Odysseus’ men into swine. Being an avid mythology enthusiast, I am always excited to read about these characters although I am quite wary of modern re-telling of these stories, since I tend to dislike those that stray away from the “canon” (although of course, I am well aware that nothing is ever truly canon in mythology). But in my opinion, Madeline Miller and Rick Riordan has so far, done a wonderful job of making these stories known and relevant in the world of today. I love how they are always so well researched and they never stray too far from the well-known versions, for as Virginia Woolf once wrote, fiction must stick to facts, and the truer the facts the better the fiction.

LOVING AND LOSING

“But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. Such a constellation was he to me.”

There have been many men in Circe’s life - Glaucos, Daedalus (her constellation) and most notably, Odysseus. In one of Miller’s interviews, I learned that she wanted Odysseus to play as little role in Circe’s story in the same way that Circe was in Odysseus’. However, I thought it was brilliant and empowering that albeit Circe is powerful and sometimes brutal, she knew how to love a man. Most of society today have warped dispositions about a strong woman, that she must need no man, that she is better off without one. But I believe that a better perspective is that despite being in need of someone else’s love and affection – it does not make you any less of a woman. It is human to long for love and to give it away. It would be foolish to deny that. If anything, I believe that because a woman knows how to love and be selfless, it only makes her stronger…and more beautiful.  Circe was a mirror of that. All these men she has loved and lost only fortified her into the woman that she is.

MOTHERHOOD

“My whole life, I had waited for tragedy to find me. I never doubted that it would, for I had desires and defiance and powers more than others thought I deserved, all the things that draw the thunderstroke. A dozen times grief had scorched, but its fire had never burned through my skin. My madness in those days rose from a new certainty: that at last, I had met the thing the gods could use against me.”

A huge part of what made Circe the woman that she is was her becoming a mother and how it reshaped her entire world. The book narrated her motherhood struggles, internally and externally. The fatal risks she took, the bargains she has made to the gods, the spells she had cast just to prolong his life – these were powers within her that unraveled because she became a mother.

I have been hesitant in writing this post for a while, since I felt that I was in no position to talk about motherhood. Yet as a female, it is one thing that is expected out of us one day, and not only expected, we are anticipated to do a good job. For just like Circe, women who strive for greatness dedicate their lives to learning and working, but have to give it all up once they become a mother. A woman’s dreams suddenly are no longer her own. Her child’s dreams becomes her own and her entire world shifts. She must do a good job, for if not, society will judge her, and women have been vilified excruciatingly for far more superficial reasons than just motherhood.

“For sixteen years, I had been holding up the sky and he had not noticed.”

The hardest power to master is the power of yielding, as Rick Riordan had written. Yielding, I agree, is power – the knowledge and resolution to give in, for many of us would bleed ourselves dry to death for the sake of pride. Heeding is an act of chivalry on its own, most especially if it is done in the name of love. Knowing when to stop. Deciding when it is enough. Circe willingly gave her son to his destiny for she knew that it was what he wanted. That despite the fact that she reared and devoted herself to him for sixteen years, he has grown up and will now course his own life. She fought on for him and against him, all for his protection, yet there finally came a time where she had to let him slip past her arms and let him go. Here is a person that is a part of her soul that she is learning to give away, she even helped him prepare for his departure although it cause her hurt – mothers truly would conquer the world for their children, even if it means setting them free.

MASTERING YOUR CRAFT & LIVING LIFE

“It is mostly will. Will and work.”

This statement for me is reflective of life. Life is about endurance. It is mostly will and work. We might be gifted on certain areas but talent fades away without dedication. Circe honed her skills and mastered her art through “drudgery”; it was not something that came to her naturally. This was her work.

One of my most favorite parts of the book was her diving deep into the ocean to get the tail of Trygon. This was her will. The idea that stuck to me the most was that: it does not even matter if it is possible or not, what counts is the endeavor. She would have never known that she did not have to face death just to win the poison if she did not dare; all that was needed was her brave heart (I must reiterate that for me, this was such a beautiful scene because this is the part where you see the lengths she would have overcome for the life of her son). If it’s any consolation to any weary soul out there who might be reading this, I want to tell you this – if it seems easy, it never is; if it seems difficult, it is always easier than you would expect it to be. Let’s hold on.

“It is not the saying of an oracle or a prophet. He does not mean that it does not hurt. He does not mean that we are not frightened. Only that: we are here. This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what is means to be alive.”

[sweetescapeartist]

WHY SAIYANS AREN'T THE GREATEST RACE 🙊

(But Saiyans have more potential than other races.)

So here's why I disagree with Saiyans being the greatest & strongest race. Many factors have to take place in order for Saiyans to get stronger.

POWER

The strongest that full-blood Saiyans could get with the best training is SS3 levels.

Maybe Saiyans could reach higher levels without god ki if we take GT into account, otherwise, SS3 appears to be the max. A Saiyan's max attainable power with the best training could be Vegito levels of power before they get too old & are unable to fight or they die of old age.

But keep in mind that Goku said not even fusion could defeat Beerus.

Goku had to do a ritual & train with an Angel just to attain god ki. (Other races may have something similar to the ritual. Other races could also train with Angels. Like Toppo.)

Most Saiyans weren't pure of heart or righteous. SSG could possibly be achieved by very few, but keep in mind that Saiyans don't have deep training & aren't spiritual as a culture. They would not know how to get as strong as Goku had learned.

TRAINING & SPIRITUALITY

Vegeta started training hard during the android saga. His reason for training was because he saw how beneficial training was for a low-class Saiyan like Goku, who became the legendary Super Saiyan before a royal Saiyan elite could.

Its important to note that Goku was raised as an Earthling, learned Earthling martial arts & he developed spiritual insight that Saiyan culture doesn't seem to have. Also Goku trained with 2 gods (Kami & King Kai) and acquired further power to rival Saiyan saga Vegeta. He then surpassed Vegeta in power & far surpassed him in skill because of his Earthling training.

And realistically it would be difficult for most Saiyans to even achieve the Super Saiyan transformation. They would solely rely on the Oozaru transformation. A select few elite warriors/royal Saiyans might get strong enough to achieve Super Saiyan. But from what we know about Saiyan training, it would be a very very long time before they could achieve Super Saiyan. Only the Super Saiyan transformation could even be as far as they could get.

Like I stated earlier, Vegeta was motivated to train after he saw how beneficial training was for Goku (who has Earth training & trained under 2 gods). If Vegeta never met Goku, Vegeta probably would never achieve Super Saiyan. On their own, Saiyans would most likely never see benefits of such training. They are a warrior race that see death-battles as the best training.

Goku who has martial arts training focused on self improvement, godly training, & spirit control training from the Yardrats understood how to train and conquer the Super Saiyan transformation. That's knowledge Saiyans dont have nor would their culture care about.

So lets say we give a few Saiyans the Super Saiyan transformation. I don't think Saiyans would share the knowledge of Super Saiyan with each other. Stronger ones would suppress the weaker ones until Saiyan society collapses or a civil war breaks out that would result in many casualties.

Goku saw the flaws in just buffing up the muscles of Super Saiyan. Vegeta who has a lack of deep training and Saiyan thinking, he did not see the flaws. He isn't trained the way Goku is. Being a martial artist & spiritual gave Goku a huge advantage over every other Saiyan. He was able to use his knowledge to push Gohan (a hybrid with Earthling principles) to reach Super Saiyan 2 even before a full blood Saiyan could.

Yes, Goku more than likely attained Super Saiyan 2 soon after he died. & more than likely, Vegeta attained it a few years after Cell was defeated. Goku was able to discover Super Saiyan 3 only because he was dead for 7 years & was able to train. His understanding of training and not having a physical body helped him achieve the new form.

No other full-blood Saiyan can achieve Super Saiyan 3 because of the training it takes & the toll it puts on the body. Goku barely even uses it in DBS for that reason (also because they are marketing SSG & SSB instead).

SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT

Now if we go back to the point of attaining the Super Saiyan transformation, new information has told us that most Saiyans have a low amount of S-Cells; the cells needed in order to become a Super Saiyan.

Their way of life as being warriors who lived to fight all the time is why they could not build up S-Cells. S-Cells that are built up from a gently spirit (most Saiyans lack). Peaceful environments are necessary for this build up of cells. Saiyans naturally thrive for constant battle. The chances of Super Saiyan are even slimmer with S-Cells in mind.

UNIVERSE 6 SAIYANS

Universe 6 Saiyans are mostly good hearted & live much more peaceful lives than Universe 7 Saiyans. It would appear that the good Saiyans defeated the wicked Saiyans in Universe 6. So how come Cabba is somehow the first Super Saiyan? I guess Universe 6 Saiyans don't know how to train properly either.

And lets be honest, it was terrible writing how Cabba & Caulifla attained Super Saiyan. So you're telling me that not one Universe 6 Saiyan had never gotten angry over losing a close friend or family member while on the battlefield? Sure, whatever. Logically, since Cabba never saw Super Saiyan before, it can be said that Super Saiyan is either non-existent or only royal Universe 6 Saiyans have achieved it & keep it secret.

"But the tingly back thingy!"

If a tingly back was only necessary to attain Super Saiyan, then Goku, a master martial artist, should've taught that to Gohan so that Gohan wouldn't struggle so much during training to defeat Cell.

EDIT: Goku more than likely did teach Gohan the tingly back thing after Gohan became a SS. Mastered SS is not triggered by rage. The tingly back wkrks well if dont like this.

But rage is what Super Saiyan has always been activated from. We are still told that the transformations are emotional. Great anger/rage is how Super Saiyan is triggered

(DBS manga chapter 52 & information guides tell us that Super Saiyan is still triggered by rage.).

Caulifla not only achieved Super Saiyan within a days or few hours, but she achieved Super Saiyan 2 the next day! Gohan has the most potential out of all Saiyan because he is a hybrid with a good heart & had some of the best training to have. It DOES NOT make any narrative sense from all that we've learned & continue to learn about Super Saiyan transformations. And the way Caulifla got 2 transformation within 2 days belittles the efforts of Goku & Gohan for the sake of "Look! A female Super Saiyan!"

If Caulilfa can achieve Super Saiyan 2 after only having Super Saiyan for a day, why didn't Future Gohan easily tap into Super Saiyan 2 as well & defeat the androids? Such convoluted writing for Universe 6 Saiyans... 😑

Out of Universe 6's three Super Saiyans, only Kale's transformation seems reasonable because it is set up similar to DBZ Broly. Kale controlling her power within a few minutes in the anime was stupid tho... The manga handled Kake better because she never gained control of herself. But... she had enough sense not to kill opponents and drop them out of the arena... So did she have control or not? A berserker is out to kill, not drop you out of bounds so she isn't eliminated. 😓

Nevermind. Both handled Kale's Super Saiyan form wrong in different ways...

(I have a theory that Universe 6 Saiyans may actually be Saiyan/Earthling hybrids. Which is why its easier to get Super Saiyan and they don't have tails anymore. But that's a different discussion.)

BACK TO UNIVERSE 7 SAIYANS...

So about how strong a Saiyan could become on their own. I was being generous saying full-blood Saiyans could possibly get as strong as Vegito at most. That's more so something only Goku could attain. Saiyan culture & life, heart condition, lack of spiritual connection, & lack of good martial arts knowledge keeps them from growing. If they did train to get stronger then the most they can achieve would be Super Saiyan 2. The Super Saiyan God ritual would be attainable by some, but they could not absorb the power like Goku (thats because of his disciplined training) nor would Beerus allow Saiyans to keep causing havok. He planned to destroy them anyways.

And I'm sure that if one lone Saiyan achieved Super Saiyan on Planet Vegeta, Freeza would destroy the entire race out of fear. If Freeza somehow lost, Beerus would eventually destroy them.

LUCK & GENETICS

Goku, Vegeta, Broly, & Tarble were lucky and able to live different lives from the average Saiyan, be kinder beings or have their hearts changed (wouldn't happen for most Saiyans). Goku is the 1 in a trillion rare Saiyan that got the best training & he influenced surviving Saiyans to be more like Earthlings.

(But even after all the training Goku did in OG Dragon Ball, Raditz was much stronger than Goku. That means most low class Saiyans were around the same strength as Roshi & ChiChi.)

If we are generous and say some Saiyans could've achieved Super Saiyan 2 and would not try to kill each other, then they still lose to aliens like Piccolo, Krillin, Hit, Jiren, Ribrianne, Cell, or 16, 17, & 18.

Give Hit god ki and give him Angelic training to learn Ultra Instinct. He doesn't even have god ki & yet he can keep up with Goku who needed god ki to reach such power.

Broly would be the exception because he is a Legendary Super Saiyan & in a way a mutation too. But his power is uncontrollable. Imagine Broly snaped & tapped into that uncontrollable, monterous power on Planet Vegeta. All Saiyans there die within seconds.

Saiyans are very strong aliens. But other aliens are stronger or understand how to get stronger.

If anything, Saiyans have some of the best genetics & potential that give them a very high possible advantage. However, that is not a guarantee. But Earthlings & Namekians also have very high potential they can utilize along with knowledge far beyond Saiyans.

Being raised as an Earthling is the secret to Goku's power. Being half Earthling is the secret to Gohan's great power & potential. Its as if an Earthling's potential and training & a Saiyans potential and genetics are the perfect mix for a reason. Like they're branched from the same ancestor & are counterparts in a way. 🤔 (But that part's just another theory of mine.)

CONCLUSION

Without god ki, Goku loses to almost every opponent & enemy in DBS. Goku even says SSG is a power he couldn't achieve on his own. He was nearly at the peak of his power until he learned god ki.

And like I have stated, either ritual or Angelic training could be something any race could possibly utilize.

That's what I gathered from the info we've been given.

AFTERWORD

If you disagree that's fine. Disagreements aren't a bad thing. But if you say I'm wrong on something, show or cite evidence within the series (DBZ & DBS in particular) that says or shows otherwise.

All info shows us that most Saiyans would never be strong like Goku. It was luck & circumstance that Goku was not raised as a Saiyan but as an Earthling. Otherwise he would not have been unable to compete with Vegeta or Goku would've been destroyed on Planet Vegeta, killed on the battlefield, or quickly killed by someone stronger than him.

Please don't rebutt by saying things like "Well they're stonger than Earthlings." or "Their god forms are stronger than everyone else."

Those don't work.

If Earthlings trained like Goku (not like Saiyans because Saiyans don't train like that. Its an Earth thing💡) then some humans could surpass Super Saiyan 2. Evidence shows that Krillin & Tien & Yamcha have surpassed Namek saga Super Saiyan Goku. And they aren't addicted to training like Goku does. But when they do train, they make great leaps in power even without transformations.

God ki isn't something every Saiyan can learn (like Goku & Vegeta have) nor is god ki something exclusive to Saiyans. Look at Dende & Uub (DBS chapter 66). Goku being raised as an Earthling, trained as a martial artist, & training with lower gods is what aided his learning of god ki. Vegeta began to train diffetently after seeing a weaker Saiyan's results after training. Plus god ki had to be learned. I doubt Whis or Beerus would teach them if they were evil.

[astertataricvs]

Hi, so I just wanna say I love your writing it’s just really beautiful and engaging! Keep it up! (*≧∀≦*) Also I was wondering if you could write a Kyōjurō x reader? Where they train together frequently and over time they realize they have feelings for each other? I would die of happiness if you wrote like this for Kyōjurō QWQ Thank you!!

Awwww, thank you so much! 🥰🥰💖💖💖 I hope this reaches your expectation 🙌🙌

Word count: 2.7k+ 

"Your sword skills are improving, (Name)!" Kyojuro cheered as he sheathes his sword on his waist.

"Well, you're better than me though," you chuckled. The Flame pillar merely gives you a pat on the head and indifferently tousled your hair.

"At least you're getting better."

That was Kyojuro's last remark and bestows you his radiating smile before turning his heels to leave the dojo, you knew that he's going to wash his hair and cool off his mind with the help of the water from the faucet. You give him a slight nod, taking an understanding with his words and afterwards you sheathe your sword to its cover.

Plopping on the wooden platforms of Kyojuro's dojo, you emitted a substantial breath then uplift your chin to look at the canopy.

Ever since the day when Kyojuro, the Flame pillar saw you training in the middle of the woods, that's the time where he started to train with you because of how he was moved to the blazing enthusiasm within your eyes that were also smeared with a scintilla of dauntlessness, similar to a phoenix howling through the vault of heaven while flapping it's majestical smoldering wings.

Although you're not his tsuguko and you're simply a mediocre demon hunter that he just coincidentally stumbled in the midst of the woodlands, he still aspired to approach you and tried to educate you with the fundamentals of swordsmanship, he also furnished you instructions for your breathing pattern so that you could conquer a demon without reaching the frontier of your vitality. You didn't even question if he can teach you but preferably, he's the one who requested you if he could train you and help you to enhance your abilities.

Of course, you were delighted hearing this from a pillar. Although you didn't know each other and you knew to yourself that you're not an ostentatious demon hunter that can grab the attention of any pillar, but guess what? God gave you a blessing by giving you a mentor and to be exact the Flame pillar himself!

No one-liners that Kyojuro's training was sure as hell exhausting and difficult. The way how he would spar with you without any forethought and gave you a diabolical practice to the point that you're going to succumb and regurgitate soon. Although you're becoming fatigued, Kyojuro was doing a magnificent job in motivating you with his salubrious speeches and how he would beam you his heart-melting smile saying that it's okay and you're halfway there, just keep moving.

You were indeed very grateful to the Flame pillar for training you to become a lucrative demon hunter. Thanks to his dreadful training, your skills were somewhat developing and every time you go to your missions, you won't have any complications from guillotining the demons and would immediately fulfil your job without a sweat.

Even though your sword skills are progressing, Kyojuro still trained with you when he has the time and he's done with his responsibilities. That's why you really owe him a lot and it was thanks to him that you're doing your missions splendidly.

It's been three months since you commenced training with Kyojuro and how you would oftentimes go to a mission together with him. You suspected that Oyakata-sama had already discovered that you're regularly training with him and he decided to partner up you both.

In those months that you're with Kyojuro, that's when you come to realize that the gravity had lured you towards him and hardly fell to the Flame pillar. You realised that you completely had fallen in love with the golden-eyed boy is when the time where you're both training in his dojo as usual and both of you went to have a break because of 3 straight hours of nonstop practice. Then upon eating a rice ball that his little brother had prepared for the both of you, Kyojuro caught you off guard by wiping the side of your lips with his thumb due to the rice that's sticking on it.

"You're a messy eater, (Name)."

Then his next move was the final blow; Kyojuro gave you a sincere and gentle smile that seems like the time had slowed down and your vision was only converged on the Flame pillar's handsome features. Added by the sun rays, defining his well-toned appearance and you could have sworn you could see sparkles looming around Kyojuro. Your heart was banging abnormally while gawking at him for some unknown reason.

Well, before you apprehended that you harboured romantic feelings for him, you already felt a tingling sensation in your stomach and how your face would instantly blush whenever he'd just simply pat you on the head or ruffle your hair. Before he's doing the exact same thing to you and you're not feeling those kinds of disturbances that you're undergoing right now and just feel ordinary with it. However, as time passes by, new feelings were starting to burgeon like flowers that were beginning to bud when the spring season had arrived.

And now that you finally verified your feelings, you just don't know how you will act natural around him, knowing the fact that you have feelings for Kyojuro right now. Is it even adequate to manifest romantic feelings for your mentor? Also, you're already aware, Kyojuro won't set his eyes on someone like you who's not in the same level as him.

But still... a part of you wants to tell him about your feelings... you just want your feelings to reach Kyojuro and be cognizant of it.

You hope that even if you confessed, the friendship between you both was not going to change.

Kyojuro was at the backyard of their house, sitting on the wooden floor of their home sightseeing the firmament ornamented with myriad microscopic spots sparkling in the night sky staring down upon him. The chilly evening wind passes through his physique as his long ombre golden and red locks danced in the air and inhaled the fragrance of the summer's eve of the night. It's already midnight yet he's still wide awake. He's supposed to be sleeping at this hour however, his mind would always gravitate to you which abstained him from sleeping.

It's been a week since he's being like this, Kyojuro couldn't get you off in his mind and he'd often find himself spacing out due to conceiving too much of your sumptuous face and the gentle grin that you were always showing him. Every time he took a glimpse at your figure, he couldn't help the smile painting his lips and his heart would erratically beat for some mysterious reason. Furthermore, he was constantly anticipating for your next training session that you will hold at his dojo and he doesn't know why he was feeling that way.

Kyojuro didn't hold these kinds of feelings before when he met you, he didn't even have this sentiment when you're training with him when he started to exercise your sword skills. But why is he having these new sensations like his heart is going to rupture soon and he couldn't get you off in his mind. It's really foreign for him specifically that these new feelings aren't exuding with peril and not corresponds with the gut feeling every time he confronted demons. So to make it clear, these new feelings were giving him a pleasant one and he actually likes it.

He searched deeper, he further investigates, he wants to know why he's feeling this way. Why is he always looking at you and whenever he does, his day would automatically be brightened up and his heart would pound in his chest capriciously. It appeared like every time he saw you cheerfully smiling, everything around him would instantly vanish and you're the only one he could see. Butterflies would flutter in his stomach as he stared at you with ardour apparent in his eyes; he was enthralled, he was mesmerized, it felt like you're the most beautiful and enchanting person that he encountered in his twenty-one years of existing in this world.

That's why he wanted to understand, he was too desirous to know these feelings he was possessing for you. And when the fateful day had finally arrived, it seemed like a spark of flame kindled his heart when you fell on top of him due to how you're too desperate to defeat him in your sparring session.

Both of your faces were only an inch away and he could smell the minty breath of yours that was hitting his nose. And when he could vividly examine the sparkling gorgeous (colour) irises staring into his golden ones, that's when Kyojuro became inebriated with your piercing deep (colour) eyes which resembled the waves of the ocean that could pull and drown him right off the bat. His heart already exploded inside his chest and it felt like his ears deafened from the sounds that produced around the vicinity.

"A-Ah! I'm sorry, Rengoku-san!"

The way how you tore your eyes away from him and pink hues brandished your pulchritudinous face; Kyojuro couldn't help but smile faintly as he scrutinized your bashful state. He was fascinated at gawking at you and he couldn't thwart his eyes away due to how he's amazed to you for being frantic and blushing because of the awkward situation that you two got in.

Kyojuro concluded, the new feelings that were developing within him, he already knew that he fell in love with you. Because you're the only person who could give him such feelings that he didn't even have before.

A genuine chuckle slips out from his lips as he stared at the bedtime scenery before him.

"I do love (Name)."

Two people under the same sky but far away from one another.

Two people staring at the night sky with sincere smiles crept on their faces.

Two people harboured the same feelings they had for each other.

And two people that's also thinking the same thing:

'Please let my feelings reach her/him.'

After the intense training that you both had, Kyojuro insisted that he's going to accompany you to your house. It rendered you speechless and you couldn't construct a word to say to him since this is the first time he said it to you. Hence, the first thing that came out from your mouth is that he didn't have to since your house is not that far away from theirs and also, you could handle yourself.

However, Kyojuro being resolute about his proposition, didn’t give you much of a choice but to accept his offer since he won't stop until you accept it. But you already know that even if you rejected him, he would still accompany you in the end.

Currently, you two both walk noiselessly to your house and Kyojuro was being silent that was really peculiar of him to do so. Because every time you two would roam around and go to your missions, Kyojuro would always be the one who would initiate a conversation and wouldn't pass a time without saying anything. More importantly, he likes talking a lot and he's the mellifluous type of guy, so Kyojuro being quiet, you couldn't help the anxiousness creeping up to you and it surely bothered you a lot.

Taking a side glance to see him, you saw how Kyojuro's face embellished in sedateness and the usual smile that he was wearing was now out of sight. Biting your lower lip, you hang your head low since you're not used to your mentor giving that kind of countenance, specifically that you're already used to seeing his dazzling and lively face.

Your heart plummeted upon seeing him like that, did you do something wrong that upset him? But you can't recall anything doing something bad and anything that displeased him. Therefore, you kept your mouth shut until you two reached your home.

Kyojuro flashes you a faint smile before nodding, "I'll see you tomorrow, (Name)."

You also nodded, "Yes, I really appreciate you accompanying me all the way here."

"I'll leave now," The Flame pillar gave you a pat on the head before turning his heels to walk back to his home.

You felt your heart leapt once you felt the warmth of Kyojuro's hand on top of your head. The normal gesture that he would invariably give you, your heart would resolutely beat for him and it felt like you couldn't breathe.

Watching him walk away, you feel your heart clench and your fist congeals. Kyojuro was slowly disappearing into your sight as he keeps walking farther and farther.

You bit your lower lip and your mind was in turbulence. Your mind was debating whether you tell him your feelings right now since these overwhelming emotions you had for the Flame pillar was driving you insane. Moreover, the uneasiness you had whenever you're close with him, you want to stop it now, you want to unload your feelings and you don't want to conceal it anymore. You want Kyojuro to be aware of your feelings, you want to confess to him, you really love him so much that your heart was a mess.

Without reluctance, you rapidly run towards the path where Kyojuro had walked off. You hope that he still didn't get that far.

'Please, let my feelings reach him!'

Turning to the corner of the street, you immediately paused from your tracks when you saw Kyojuro running also towards your direction. He also stopped running when he saw you on the path. You two were panting as you stared into the eyes of each other with obtrusive astonishment. You're 5 meters away from the Flame pillar and once you catch your breath, you gathered all your obstinacy to tell him your feelings.

"I like you, Rengoku-san!"

"I like you, (Name)!"

Both of your eyes widened upon hearing the declaration you both announced at the same time. You look at each other with a dumbfounded expression as your lips quivered and eyes stung due to the tears building up.

You couldn't comprehend his words, your mind was hazy. Are your ears kidding with you right now or you really heard it right? Did Kyojuro also tell you that he likes you? Did he actually even?

Gulping your saliva, your mouth was agape as you only gaze at him. You prevent the tears that were threatening to fall and inhaled a sharp breath.

Due to so much shock, you only pointed at yourself while jaw-dropping since you couldn't utter a single word.

Kyojuro's lips pursed and nodded in response. "I like you, (Name)... I really like you."

The surreal words that escaped from his mouth, that's when your body moves on its own and dashed towards him to run into his arms and give him a bone-crushing hug. Kyojuro took your action by spreading his arms and engulfed you with a tight embrace once you run into him.

The Flame pillar feels your clutch on his uniform as you bury your face into his chest. Kyojuro's heart erupted like a firework exploding in New Year, his embrace on you contracts and nuzzled his face into your head. This warmth you're giving him, he couldn't help but want to feel it more in the future.

Discerning that you have mutual feelings for each other, that's the last string where he could melt at this current moment. He couldn't express the ecstasy he's feeling right now, it feels like his whole existence was blown away towards nirvana.

Pushing you ever so softly, Kyojuro grinned at you before cupping your cheeks with his hefty hands, gently drawing circles on your cheekbones. He dipped down to look at your bright eyes that were intoxicating him and he loves it how your eyes congregated at one another.

"I like you so much, (Name)."

Kyojuro's lips lock to yours as you encircled your arms around him to return his passionate kiss.

It feels so surreal, it feels like a fantasy and you don't want to wake up from it forever. You want to feel his hug and kisses that even if it's your first time doing this, you're now addicted to it. It was alluring you closer to him as if you're like a piece of magnet. If the other magnet is Kyojuro, then you're willingly going to propel yourself to him.

You just love this man, he's such a gentleman and a ray of sunshine.

Breaking the kiss, you flutter your eyes open and saw Kyojuro's face irradiating in the rays of the sunset, defining his handsome features.

"I like you too, Rengoku-san."

You both smiled at each other and embraced once again since you want to feel the warmth you're both giving off and cherish this moment.

The feelings you both have... it finally reached to one another

[asheelnair]

PERSONAL BLOG :-)

 Asheel Nair (Me18b101)

Course - MS4100 ( Soft skills)

First of all thanks Viji Ma'am to teach this wonderful course and making me understand and help me to grow and realize my skills that will help me personally as well as in professional growth.

1)   Meaning and Purpose 

 It was a very great session to attend as it gave a lot of insights about life and insisted us to find our true worth and value of life in this world.

There is a statement which touched me very much- “Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”

We are all hungry for meaning, for purpose, for the feeling that our life is worth more than the sum of its parts. We can find meaning in the sublime, in the absurd, in the dull and dreary, and in the perfectly wretched in life. That's when Viji came up with the word 'ikigai'- Combining the Japanese words iki, meaning life and gai, meaning value or worth, ikigai is essentially about finding your purpose in life.  for exampe- Ikigai means “the reason you wake up for in the morning”

Then Viji told us to write our purpose of life in our book :-

What i love most- Video Games, family, friends, dogs

What i am good at - Maintaining relations, consulting

What can i get paid for - Consulting job or maybe some unexplored fields(who knows xD)

what the world needs- world is selfish and everyone wants profit in each and everything they do, the current world needs humanity and needs to develop a sense of empathy and helping nature.

Always know your true worth and realize it because it is only you know your true worth and value and always be grateful for who you are.

2) The '5S' principle 

:- It was the first time i came across this principle and trust me it was worth it :)

What are the 5 principles of 5S?

 5S stands for the 5 steps of this methodology: Sort, Set in Order, Shine, Standardize, Sustain. 

5S is designed to decrease waste while optimizing productivity through maintaining an orderly workplace which will help you bring positive thinking and productive solution.

Application - I applied this principle in my room which was dirty and messes up. I cleaned everything and kept everything in a proper way. After implying this principle it felt very comforting and nice.

3) Time-Management 

 It is one of the crucial factors to live a peaceful life without any tension and stress. The person who has time management skills are very calm and comforting and always live a peaceful life. Everyone has the same 24 hours, however, some make better use of their time than others. This is one of the reasons why we have people who excel at the things they do. In other words, people may become busy; but that necessarily does not mean they are effective at their task. Hence, time management plays a crucial role in personal and professional life.

 Time management may be a conscious effort to spend a selected amount of your time to perform a task efficiently . Furthermore, productivity is the key focus here. The more productive the work, the higher are the results. Moreover, time management requires a careful balancing between business life , social life, the other hobbies or activities. From an academic perspective, time management is a necessity. Students have many subjects to hide , therefore, efficiently managing time is a crucial skill.

The main problem we all face is the lack of time. Having so many things to do and yet not enough time to do them all. Through my conversations with many, I realized that I was not the only one facing this issue. This was when I realized sharpening my activity management skills becomes important. Though many people may call it ‘time management, I believe activity management is a better term because we can’t manage time but we can manage our activities each day. The reality is many people drift through life and allow themselves to be carried by the waves. We all have a choice to take control of our activities and reach our fullest potential. 

so use your time wisely by sorting important things first by realizing the importance of time in your life and seeing the benefits of time management.

As it is said " Time and Tide wait for none" , make sure you make each and every second count and create a change for a greater tomorrow.

I even talked with few people who I believe is very efficient in time management and asked them their secret mantra :P , example - My friend :-

– All good things take time and so does your goal, some achieve goals faster while some take their time.  You need to be vocal and loud about your goal, aim and thoughts. Always have a positive mindset and be ready to face any challenges thrown at your goals. You should always be open minded and appreciate every small thing that makes you reach your goal. She thinks that the importance of setting goals comes with maturity and responsibility and you need to figure out what things comes first in your life.

4) Strength based Learning - All the above factors can be included while finding about our personal strength based learning. sit down for few minutes and think about your strengths and weaknesses. For me-Strengths-based learning involves a process of assessing which helps us to identify our greatest talents, and to then develop and apply strengths based on those talents in the process of learning, intellectual development, and academic achievement to levels of personal and professional excellence.

As it is said " champions are not born they are trained and nourished with care to become a champion", Skills do not naturally exist within us; they must be acquired through training and practice. The concept of strengths is based in each individual’s unique nature and building upon what he or she naturally does best. Takeaway-After this session  I realized I have strengths with which I can create a change for better tomorrow and life is too long to explore, learn and develop. I would always like to explore my strengths and work on it and inspire others to play on their strengths. Thanks Viji for this wonderful session :)

5) Communication  

It is something because of which I faced conflicts in past, For me -signaling benevolence in communication seems vital than harsh-naked truth as it can sometimes product in fright, strain or spite in developing long-lasting relationships with family or at workplace. Blunt honesty can sometimes be rebellious whereas benevolence aids in handling difficult situations ethically by breeding trust and in boosting one’s morale. It enables one to be mindful of consequences and frame things in a way that is different from complete unvarnished truth- which in turn fosters relationships and other developments.

Thanks to Abha ma'am and Viji ma'am to take up this session and making it a wonderful experience. Salute to both of you for your professionalism and are dedicated to your work, was truly amazed to see this.

Presentation- The three 's' -structure, style and substance were covered in this. There were many other factors that were taught which helped me to learn, incorporate those and make my skills even stronger. Learned a lot on how to communicate, make a presentation and how to present yourself in front of people, all thanks to Abha ma'am.

Assertive Communication - Assertiveness means expressing your point of view in a way that is clear and direct, while still respecting others. Communicating in an assertive manner can help you to: minimize conflict. The 3 C's Of Assertive Communication are Confidence – you believe in your ability to handle a situation. Clear – the message you have is clear and easy to understand. Controlled – you deliver information in a calm and controlled manner. Passive communication and behavior involves allowing your own rights to be violated by failing to express honest feelings, thoughts, and beliefs, or by expressing your thoughts and feelings in an apologetic manner that others can easily disregard.

Few steps for assertive communication :

1.Tell the person what you think about their behavior without accusing them. 

2. Tell them how you feel when they behave a certain way. 

3. Tell them how their behavior affects you and your relationship with them. 

4. Tell them what you would prefer them to do instead.  

6)��Self Realization

This was a very good session and topic. During the first 5 min we were told to take out a mirror or front camera and look yourself in it for few minutes and write down whatever comes into your mind. when i saw myself i could see that there is a fire burning within myself that want's to achieve each and every goal, I realized i will soon conquer each and every challenges in my way and make my parents and myself proud.

 Then we came on the topic of 

 Body shaming :

   It is something that i feel is cheap and very immature. Without knowing what the other person is going through people criticize them and laugh at them. Individuals with a history of trauma, depression, self-harm, low self-esteem, or borderline personality disorder are more likely to be affected by body shaming and potentially develop an eating disorder or engage in self-harm behavior.

 Empowerment doesn’t just refer to professional success and financial stability but also the overall personality development of an individual. Empowering yourself requires you to confront your problems but not bow down to them. It involves you being open to changing your views based on your own personal experience. Hence, if you’re not changing and sticking to what you’ve been told by society, you’re keeping yourself away from empowerment.

 When it comes to our views, we have plenty of them pertaining to our own selves. A majority of them are concerned with how we look. From television to magazine, most women have grown up being told that the perfect girl is slim, fair, humble, docile and quiet.

But, what about those women who are plus-sized, have a deformity, have too many tattoos or are too outspoken? The society might not find them palatable enough to call them perfect but who gave society that right, anyway? The only person who gets to decide is you. You need to shed societal expectations and accept every bit of yourself.

Takeaway - Don't live by fearing of someone's judgement, Everyone has a beautiful body on this planet, all are different that is the beauty of this world. "Embrace it don't hide it"

Snake and Ladder in our life :-

Ladder here refers to all the supports in your life who encourage you to achieve something great in your life while snake refers to all the challenges that is stopping you to achieve your goals.

Ladder and goals - 

 Family, friends and dear ones

Get into a dream company that recognizes my     talent and reach a good position where one day i can become a leader

Want to buy a luxurious home to my parents and     want to give them everything whatever they ask for

Buy a dream car

Building shelter homes for animals

Do something for orphans and rural people

Reach at a height where i become a role model     for few

Build a dream  PC gaming set-up, xD 

Want to travel the world (each and every     corner)

Want to learn calisthenics

And many more.............  :P

 Snakes -

Negative people

Procrastination. “I will do it later” is often     equivalent to “I will never do it,” though that is never the real     intention behind procrastinating something

Fear of Failure

Ignorance

Lack of Purpose

Lack of Courage

Fault Finding

Lack of Self-belief             Takeaway -

[cutesilyo]

if music be the food of love (play on) — a fruk fanfic

But he wasn't France right now, not in the soft morning light of Calais. Far from the bustling city life of Paris and his obligations as a nation, he was only a young man in love.

A day in the life of Francis Bonnefoy, featuring his piano and his soppy affection for Arthur Kirkland. Domestic fluff.

Also available on AO3 and FF.net

---

Arthur was used to living alone, so Francis often found his lover singing to himself.

To lead a better life I need my love to be here, he heard from the garden. Arthur had always sung his most tender when he was taking care of the roses, he knew; he'd wax poetic over any flower, of course, but he could go on for hours and hours about the one he loved most.

He could see Arthur through the windows, meticulously inspecting each and every bloom for the slightest hints of tear. He was wearing one of those ridiculously huge gardening hats that, at this angle, was covering most of his face. Together with horrible posture and his frumpy sweater, he cut quite the awkward figure. Yet still, Francis could picture his piercing green eyes, the slight flush of his face, that odd little upturn of his too-long mouth during those rare times that he felt relaxed and at peace.

They've had more than a millennia to get acquainted with each other, more than long enough for them to recognize the things that stayed constant: bright eyes, sorrow, and the empty promises of immortality; England and France fighting with each other, and Arthur and Francis simply having to live through it. There was a loneliness there that he couldn't put into words, not on his own.

Each one believing that love never dies, Arthur sang. Each note hung in the air a little too long.

Expecting him to come in soon, Francis quickly boiled a kettle for the Englishman's morning tea before leaving the kitchen. He could spend the whole morning looking through the windows, but the ambience demanded he partake a more active role than just sitting around. He was the country of love, after all. And today, he was so full of that confusing, exhilarating emotion that he simply had to do something about it.

He scarcely used it these days, but he certainly hadn't lost any of his skill with the piano. Playing some scales for warm-up, he let himself get re-acquainted with an old friend. It was not too long ago that his musicians were praised worldwide, not too long ago that those same legendary maestros had been invited into his own home and asked to play. Those memories shine golden to him, lazy afternoons of nothing but song and delight and knowing with all the instinct of a nation that these men were going to be remembered one day. He carried them, and their music, with him always.

Francis was lost in the melodious trills of one of their century-old songs when Arthur entered, with his tea and a small plate of the biscuits they had made the night before. He settled into a nice sofa chair beside him with a contented sigh.

"No need to stop on my account," said Arthur, when the piece ended and Francis didn't immediately transition to another one. "Are you taking requests? You know I don't know shit about the classics."

"Yes, you're very artful like that," Francis teased. "Truth be told, you're distracting me."

Arthur huffed, and it was the exact reaction Francis wanted to see from him. He looked adorable with cheeks puffed like that. "Well, if you're going to be like that, I could stop paying for my half of this house and leave. Maybe invest in something actually worthwhile."

"Invest in some sense then, would you? You're being ridiculous and dramatic."

"This, coming from you?"

"I have a certain style of doing such that makes me charming and irresistible, but when you do it, you are like a pitiful donkey."

He thought he really had a good one there, but Arthur only looked faintly amused. "You're losing your touch, if that's all you could think of."

Francis smiled back. "If I lack any bite today, it's not any fault of mine. You are a distraction, like I said."

The other man rolled his eyes. "Oh, of course it's my fault, is it?"

And it was.

He loved seeing Arthur anywhere, but he especially loved seeing Arthur here, in this house that they had quietly bought together without the interference of their respective governments. He loved seeing Arthur now, in this time of peace and normalcy that they had never been given in their youth. He loved seeing Arthur like this, warm and content and alive and close enough to hold without fear, without anger, without hate. It was always a game of play-pretend when they stayed here, and Francis was enamored with domestic bliss every single time. The intimacy, the privacy, the romance — how could he possibly pay attention to anything else but Arthur in this moment? They were not nations here, in their sleepy, cozy abode in Calais. They were only Arthur and Francis, and they were in love.

"You will be less of a distraction if you sit with me," Francis said, instead of I am so much happier now that you are here.

He patted the space beside him, watching Arthur set his cup and biscuits down as he took his seat. Francis turned back to the piano to take position, while Arthur shifted closer so he could lean his head on his shoulder. It made movement a bit more difficult, and he knew that Arthur knew this. The both of them also knew that Francis wouldn't tell Arthur to move away for the world.

"You're always making things so hard for me, aren't you?" he said, affectionately.

"The course of true love never did run smooth, as they say," quipped Arthur. "And you knew I was a handful when you met me. It's not my fault you have bad judgment."

"You must think so lowly of the both of us to say that. My judgment, along with everything else about me, is impeccable." Francis started playing a light ditty, just to give his hands something to do. "And you are the light of my life, fire of my loins—"

"Your sin, your soul?" Arthur finished, dryly. He looked up at him in vague annoyance. "Francis, please. You can do better than that."

"Aussi longtemps que tu voudras, nous dormirons ensemble," he recited, then he laughed when Arthur lightly slapped his arm. "No, you cannot be angry at me for it! It's a line from one of my respected poets, it's not my fault that he phrased it like that—lapin, it was an easy shot to take. I do not know what you expected of me."

"Certainly not bad, perverted poetry," grumbled Arthur. He stared at the ivory keys, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration. "You know, if you wanted me to play with you, I should've brought my guitar. I can never remember where my fingers are supposed to be on this thing."

"You and your guitars!" The piano made a dissonant noise as Francis slammed his hands on it in surprise, barely holding back his helplessly, helplessly besotted grin. "No, my love. You would've had to go upstairs, discover it has been misplaced, and then spend hours searching for it. You would've surely placed a curse on the entire house for hiding your beloved instrument before you remembered that it was still back in London. By that point, I would've retired to our bedroom, long past the mood for musicmaking."

Arthur's ears were flushed red.

Recognizing his lover's embarrassment, Francis reached out, held his face by the cheek, and gently guided Arthur into looking at him. "But I am still here, yes? Stay with me, Arthur. Sing with me."

He would never tell him this, of course, but he had grown strangely fond of the Englishman's nasal, sardonic voice over the years. Harsh as though it sounded when it was used for his constant, indignant screaming, in the quieter moments it was rhythmic, melodic — as though he never grew out of Shakespeare's characteristic rhyming scheme. It was one out of the many proofs Francis had collected to support his theory of Arthur being a closet romantic at heart, and it was by far his favorite.

Who could dare think of his little England, savage little bunny that he was, the feisty, imperious island nation who grew up shooting arrows and sailing the seas and conquering the world's hegemony in the palm of his hand, doing something as humanly mundane as song? Certainly not France, who had spent centuries at war with his neighbor and still sniped at him countlessly at every single meeting they attended together.

But he wasn't France right now, not in the soft morning light of Calais. Far from the bustling city life of Paris and his obligations as a nation, he was only a young man in love.

Arthur's eyes were so wide, and so green. It felt like eternity before he covered Francis' hand with his own.

Then, softly: "Play me a nice song then, would you, dear?"

Francis only smiled, and set his hands to the keys.

---

Notes:

Title comes from Shakespeare's Twelfth Night.

The song Arthur keeps singing at the start is The Beatles' Here, There, and Everywhere, which is a sweet and short tune about wanting to be around your lover all the time because it makes you so happy. Paul McCartney wrote it while he was waiting for John Lennon to wake up, which is very sweet in a way. I was going to make Francis play it at the end, but I couldn't figure out how to write it in, so now it's up to you! I really love Sangah Noona's piano cover of the song, so if you have the time, I really recommend you give it a listen. It's so classy.

The piano song that Francis is playing when Arthur walks in is Jeux d'eau, a 1901 piece by French composer Maurice Ravel. It often gets translated into English as Playing Water, and it's inspired by the sound of (you guessed it) water! I feel like the piece reminds Francis of Arthur a lot.

The course of true love never did run smooth is another Shakespeare quote, this time from A Midsummer Night's Dream. I originally wanted Arthur to say something like: "Well, that's why the Bard titled it Love's Labour's Lost," after another Shakespeare play, meaning that love is something difficult so Francis will just have to put up with him, but I couldn't find a way to make it flow smoothly. So I went with the quote instead, because it's simpler and its intention is the same, and I like it better! I like that Arthur implies that Francis is his true love. Aww.

Light of my life, fire of my loins; my sin, my soul is from the opening lines of Lolita. Yeah, you can see why Arthur was a bit disturbed. Fun fact: Lolita was first published in Paris!

Aussi longtemps que tu voudras, nous dormirons ensemble is the last line of French poet Louis Aragon's Nous dormirons ensemble. It translates to As long as you want, we will sleep together. It's a short (and yes, slightly perverted) poem, but it's actually pretty sweet.

[uraharasandals]

It may be surprising to y’all but I’m actually going to be in my last year of high school next year and university applications are in fact, a thing. Anyways, to all of you out there who need this like me, hang in there and let’s get through 2020 as well as we could :) 

Also this turned out to be way longer than I thought it would be so I decided to divide it into organisations! 

How BSD characters would help their S/O through college apps (Part 1) [ADA]

[Kunikida] 

- This man is a sweetheart despite his short fuse towards Dazai. When he sees you freaking out in front of your computer, he quickly rushes to your side with a mug of chamomile tea (yes he has done his research; Kunikida knew which tea is the most calming and soothing). Once you manage to calm down and let him wipe away your tears of frustration (if you had any), he asks you what was wrong. 

- Kunikida lets out a sigh of relief when he heard that it wasn’t something life-threatening. However, he still recognises that college applications are extremely important, so he resolves to help you as best as he could. 

- Kunikida has been to university, so he knew that the process was quite difficult. However, when you list out your problems with a lot of terms and jargons that are specific to the college application system, his head went up in confusion.

- He quickly figured out the basics through Google though, and did research on a lot of applications that did get the applicant into the universities that you were looking at. After leaving him alone for five hours and stressing through it by yourself, he came back with a stack of information that would help you, and talked you through it slowly, making sure you understood all of it.

[Dazai]

- Dazai tries to cheer you up with jokes and his frolicking around, as well as snacks and maybe even something romantic. But when you start breaking down into tears of frustration, he starts to mildly panic. He asks if there was anything he could do to help and you really didn’t know. 

- So he decided to look at what was scaring you so much. Dazai has to admit, he was a little surprised at how complex the entire thing was. But he manages to educate himself on it to try and help you for once (yes, Dazai can be helpful when he wants to be thank you very much)

- Once he’d checked you have calmed down, he presents you with a whole new host of options; do you want him to help you threaten or bribe your dream university so they would accept you? After your shock at his proposed solutions faded, he starts to offer actually useful advice. 

- Dazai is a strategist and he knows it. So he laid out his plan to ‘conquer’ this complicated game of ‘entering university’ (because after all, it’s still a situation where brains would help; there were set rules and people had manoeuvred around it. He would simply do the same and play dirty). Amazingly, his plans were strategies that you had seen people talk about on Youtube -- and once again Dazai took the opportunity to brag about it and act cute around you. 

[Atsushi]

- Atsushi isn’t sure how important university really was, but then he saw you having a breakdown in front of your computer and knew it was serious and competitive business. After panicking for about ten minutes, he calmed down enough to ask whether you were okay and whether you need anything. 

- After getting you a glass of water, he tries to reason his way around it; after all, a lot of people had got through life without university, so it wasn’t absolutely necessary. Besides, you can always join the ADA! But when he saw it was going nowhere, he decided to call in the expert - Dazai. 

- Dazai gave him shit advice as always, so he turned to Kunikida. Kunikida rambled on for quite a while, but he summarised it at the end by simply saying ‘Try to figure it out yourself before you can help her, brat.’ 

- So somehow he decides to try for university himself as well, despite not having had any qualifications before. Atsushi decided to try getting into a vocational training institute (where you learn practical skills rather than going for an academic/professional degree), and you ended up helping each other to your dream universities :) 

[Yosano] 

- Yosano-sensei is another one who doesn’t understand the need to go to university. She herself became a healer through her abilities (and her past which we won’t go into), so she thought that it was ridiculous you needed to go to medical school.

- But when she realises the gravity of the situation she immediately sobers up. While she knows that she can’t help on that end, she offers as much moral support as she could; ushering you to bed whenever she sees you staying up too late, making you meals or getting takeout whenever you want to stress eat, or comforting you. She was there for every step of the way, and available for hugs all the time. 

- When you had to go for an interview, she made sure you were dressed properly for the occasion. Even if it was an online interview, there were no excuses; you absolutely cannot wear a formal shirt and shorts just because you were at home. 

- Once you were done and finally finished with the applications, she drags you out on a shopping trip with her. It didn’t matter that there wasn’t anything you guys needed, she made up her mind that it was better for you to get out of the house and take in some fresh air. Besides, it was the better alternative to sitting in front of the computer and continuing to fret. 

[Ranpo]

- The third one that doesn’t give a crap about university. He decided to pick a fight with you, stating out about 100 reasons why it was pointless to go and why you shouldn’t go because 1) it was useless and 2) he needs you by his side. 

- He had meant to rile you up in a fight, but that just resulted in you being more stressed and attempting to push him away instead of seeking him for comfort. When you started giving him the cold shoulder (because you really needed to concentrate), Ranpo threw a fit and there was a cold war in the house for a few days.

- Eventually, he asked Kunikida about what was so important about university, and realised that it may actually mean a lot to you. But being Ranpo, his pride was still there and he didn’t want to apologize just yet. He decided, however, to be as helpful as he could be. 

- And every time you sit in front of the computer, there was a different kind of sweet sitting there waiting for you. Sometimes it was your favourite, sometimes it was his favourite,  but it didn’t really matter; the intentions did. When Ranpo saw you accepting the sweets, he took it as a sign that you forgave him and started to stick to your side whenever you were working on your applications. He doesn’t really say anything, but you knew he was there as best as he could.

[Tanizaki]

- Somehow he found you in one of your breakdown sessions and immediately panicked. However, instead of being in panic mode for ten minutes like Atsushi did, he asked hesitantly whether he could approach you, and when given permission, he held and hugged you until you were able to calm down significantly. 

- Tanizaki admits that he doesn’t really know how to help; he was a student formerly but quit to join the ADA. However, Naomi was still in high school, so he decided to approach his sister for help regarding this.

- Naomi gave him loads of tips which he shared to you, but eventually he invited her over and you two had loads of studying sessions and university application sessions, which helped you a lot, especially when you had a friend together. Naomi was also motivational because she gets things done easily, and gives you a lot of advice. 

- Tanizaki knew that he would be interfering if he was part of the circle, so he just lets you and his sister get it on. He does provide mental support and food though, and cooks dinner, and makes desserts whenever you two feel stressed or are studying late into the night. 

[Kenji]

- Kenji is a country boy. He doesn’t know what this complex university system is, because back in the country you get plucked out of school every so often to help with crops and most of them don’t make it to university. (please tell me if I got this incorrect!) 

- Being innocent and carefree as he was, he kept asking you questions about how things were done. At first you replied to get him away from you, because you needed peace and quiet, but while answering him, you realised you answered some of your own questions. 

- Kenji was also a kind boy, so he asked the people he helped around Yokohama how he could help you. Some of them offered genuine advice, but he just messes it up when he tries to offer it to you, but it does make you laugh. Sometimes, however, he comes back with sweets and offerings from sympathetic parents; he once came back with a kitten, which made your stress decrease a LOT. 

- On weekends, he insisted on you taking a trip with him to the countryside even though you protested it; you had a lot on your plate. However, these trips often help clear your head and you were able to write more once you get home. The fresh air does do wonders for your stress. 

[Kyouka] 

- Her first response was to kill someone, obviously. However, once you persuaded her that it doesn’t work, she told you, with a deadpan face, to trash the computer. That wouldn’t work either.

- She tried to bring you all sorts of cute things to cheer you up. That did, temporarily, but she soon realised the fundamental problem of ‘not enough space’. So she decided to cook for you instead, which helped a lot. 

- Kyouka doesn’t really understand how university works, so she had you explain it to her. Once she learnt all of it, however, she started offering advice on her experience as an assassin, and tried to put them in context of university applications. 

- You weren’t sure how, but it somehow worked. Kyouka also asked Atsushi for help, who asked Kunikida. At the end, she dragged Kunikida to your place and helped you, while staring at your process. Whenever you get stressed and wanted to throw things, she offers her ability as target practice. 

[Fukuzawa]

- Fukuzawa did go onto higher education. But back in his days higher education was much, much simpler. He just stared on in disbelief when you tried to explain the current university application process, and had to tell you that it was ridiculous. 

- However, he tries his best to help. Being an avid reader of literature, he introduced books that he thinks might help your preparation; if you didn’t have time to read them, he gives you ten minute crash courses on them (despite his dislike of people not reading what he recommends), and helps you out on how to summarise them properly on your applications.

- Fukuazawa also helps you proofread your essays or applications. He points out what he thinks as incoherent or lengthy; basically, after his scrutiny, your application was beautifully polished in the only way he could help. 

- He also makes sure you gets enough rest and sleep in the midst of all this. Fukuzawa remembers to usher you away to bed at the appropriate timing and to wake you up whenever you decided to operate on sleep deprivation alone. He was the only thing keeping you to a reasonable schedule and timetable, but you could get out of it if you waved a cat in front of his face. 

[rhydium]

Info dumbo about the StarFinite story?

aright u asked for it anon GET READY [cracks knuckles] this is gonna be long so obligatory cut in 3, 2........

...1!

so the uh, the au! the story!! w/e yall wanna call it! full disclaimer, i only began working on this whole thing a while ago, but it's totally taken over my fukn brain. like, we're talking big hyperfixation hrs. am i cringe for being this invested in my own content? yes? cool i do not Care >:3€

i should also throw it out there real quick that i am kin w/ infinite, n this is actually one of my two canons (both of which are my own aus lmfao wow). i didn't go into it expecting it to be but sfsfsgdfs here we are ig!! for that reason it's got extra importance to me n this definitely contributes to the euphoria i get from it!! it's a lil odd writing ur own canon,,? but i kinda just go w/ the flow!

the au n, the story that i will start Eventually, revolves around infinite n starline (obvi) n it's honestly just ... the tl;dr is big healing momence n, what's this? uh oh sisters !!! they are falling in love 😳😳😳

uhhhh so infinite is an android, made by eggman. that's like, the most notable canon divergence here! super important context to have. i've got a whole big theory on the possibility of sega originally intending infinite to be an artificial being (which i explored in the works for my Other canon too), stemming from not only the scene in forces wherein infinite comments on sonic's "data", but a line of dialogue from tails in one of the last stages of the game where he Literally Says "so this is where eggman built infinite". that ... i mean. that contrasts w/ episode shadow pretty hard don't it?? would explain why that dlc was so rushed, n the comic too. ANYWAY adsfsfs um that's a seperate ramblepost. yeah!!!

they are also agender n use they/them (primarily) as well as he/him!! so i'll be refering to them w/ those pronouns!

after the war, infinite is taken in by the resistance n, instead of being dismantled, they're basically given a chance to rehabilitate themselves. it's agreed that they won't be reprogrammed, as despite the potential risks, it feels wrong to do so; like a violation of their free will, individuality n thinking. if infinite is to be a good person, it's not gonna be bc other ppl recreated their entire personality, it's gonna be bc it's what they themselves truly want. robot ethics idk man!! u can't tell me that sonic n co wouldn't offer this to infinite if they offered it to metal in IDW,,,, i am Standing By This!!!

it's, yknow, a bit rocky, at first. infinite has to really fight the urge to return to eggman (something they already tried once, before the resistance found them; they were cast out). it's a struggle against what they were built to do, against giving into unhealthy familiarity over facing a, while healthier, unfamiliarity. new faces, a new life, turning their back on their mission n creator, it's like, a lot.

they work for/with the sonic crew, rebuilding the world they tore down as deemed fitting justice, being closely monitored for a bit as a natural precaution. as it becomes apparent infinite truly no longer has any ambition to harm others (they don't have much ambition for anything, really), they're then granted more freedom, n start taking on more important missions!! it at least gives them something to do, keeps them occupied. they have issues with dissociation, unreality, whether they're truly a real person bc, well, android. feeling purposeless, n a lack of worth, especially. a need to prove themselves. heavy stuff. i'll kinda go into that a bit more in a sec. their work grounds them, if only temporarily.

n soooooo... IDW comic stuff happens. metal virus time. starline gets kicked out of the empire.

now, as the comics are ongoing, n as this is already an au, there's gonna be divergence, n i must admit i haven't planned out all that yet. there's a lot i have to consider!! infinite being w the resistance/restoration is a big game changer ... tho i Do believe that they were absent, likely on a far out mission during most of the chaos. eggman doesn't know abt them, nor does starline or anyone else other than the sonic crew; n some civilians that recognise them.

i'm not 100% sure of Exactly when it happens, but i think it's just after bad guys, that infinite is sent to locate n bring in starline. it doesn't prove too difficult. there's a whole, starline realising "oh fuck it's you???", some bickering n, the two don't hit it off right away. they're both kinda like. not mentally stable ddgddgdds,,,

so uh. starline ends up essentially going thru the same sorta shit as infinite. careful watch, rebuilding, all that jazz, making sure he can be trusted. he's like... very very lost, quite like infinite is. the world has kinda calmed down, in the meanwhile.

it's at this point i'm gonna go ahead n drop a bit of a ramble i subjected my friends to a while ago, to articulate the way i see the two, n their dynamic together!! i was considering making this it's own post a while ago!

analysing their characters a bit... let's look at starline. Like. so we have this, in bad guys, which SENT ME tbfh;

i feel like it's the moment that triggers starline onto the path he is rn canonically,,, he's clearly like. rly mad n bitter. the core of this?? he wants his work n his efforts to be acknowledged.

he's big angry. still kind of in denial at this stage. he has himself obsessed w/ the idea of making eggman see him as Worthy, that if he just tries hard enough, that'll happen. he's dependent on eggman's validation, n i mean, it's no surprise; he's followed him a Long Time by the sounds of it.

then in the recent issue, hold the fuck up, bc we got, This;

god. my god it's all comin together now homies. this???? this right here??? it is the CLASSIC "i have to do this to prove i'm strong n powerful n smart n worthy n should be respected please Give Me Acknowledgement" ..... n who else is Like That? can u see where im going w/ this?

i think most ppl are aware of infinite's character being extremely indicative of self worth/esteem issues n the need to prove themself, right?? the extreme adversity, repulsion, perhaps even fear toward the idea of being weak. the compulsion to prove otherwise, to show their strength, to become powerful, to conquer to make a point. their theme exudes this same energy as their behaviour in-game; an aggressive attitude, trying to assert themself, while if u rly listen...? the lyrics are actually really sad in places. it reeks of cover up, although composition wise, a v interesting thing to note is a lot of the more telling lyrics are prominent while some of the affirming ones are in the background. indicative of a desire to have their true feelings be heard but caught in a vicious loop?

okay okay that's yet Another different analysis. AHEM.

not to get deep on main (oh who the hell am i kidding that's the point of this entire thing) but i think starline has issues w/ his worth in a similar way to infinite. they both seem to have this need to Prove something, whether it's to others or themselves, n get caught in a toxic spiral of doing worse n worse things for Some kind of validation or acknowledgement. they'll go to really big lengths chasing that, n both of them ultimately sought validation in the wrong place n wrong way.

this is a big part of my starfinite dynamic,, n so, what happens, as they get closer n open up??? we have them BOTH realising together that they don't have to do fuck all to prove anything to anyone. they don't need to do all this to show they're strong n smart n worth something, not to anyone else OR themselves. they're enough as they are. they bond over that shared feeling that they have to do xyz, to prove themselves, n that desire to just finally be acknowledged n appreciated n help each other thru it. to help each other understand that other ppls approval, or lack thereof, doesn't define them, their strength, intelligence, and worthiness.

i feel like they have an interesting parallel between them in like... the above could be taken as a general analysis, but to go more in depth on this au specifically?? ...

starline followed eggman for presumably a long time n it no doubt left him feeling a heavy and deep regret for all that time wasted n spent on an unhealthy path. infinite kinda teaches him that what matters is what he's doing Now n also reminds him that if none of it happened, starline wouldn't have learnt a lot of the serious skills he has. n while starline still feels bad, he also realises himself that, he likely never would have crossed infinite's path if none of it happened. for that reason, he wouldn't take it back.

infinite has only been recently made, on the other hand. they haven't really existed long, yet, but so far their experiences haven't been very positive n it can be .... discouraging. starline sorta, shows infinite their limited experiences w/ the world are a very tiny fraction of what's out there, n things can absolutely change, yes, including for the better; that's the essence of life, a neverending, constant flow of change.

it's a big tale of moving on n letting go, honestly; made easier as they're doing it together. n as they heal n grow, well... these bitches gay. sfshshdgds like, ig that's putting it p bluntly but!! they start to trust each other, understand each other more. as they get to truly know who the other is, they both start developing The Feelings. they're both pretty oblivious n the reveal is totally unknown so far!! yeah, i know, bummer. i suck. boo. adafsfsds however i can say there will be lots of content in the making!! if that soothes the soul! i've got of ideas i hope to bring to life.

ofc there's still a lot of more specific things i haven't covered here so! if y'all want more juice hmu w/ more focused questions but !! this is the overview n i hope it was a decent read now that gave some uhhh! Cool Insight! yea!!! ✌

[shadowofthelamp]

I realized there were a couple old capture au writings that I could put on tumblr but hadn’t yet. This one is a bit divergent- Dib actually got pulled in a bit earlier than this, I decided later.

Rating: T, probably? Some brief mentions of gore, and it’s meant to be unsettling.

Wordcount: 1250

This was... more difficult than he expected.

They lived in Dib's old base, cleaned up and irkenized, of course.  It had been mostly a joke, moving in, until Zim realized it might be a good change of scenery after half a decade in the same building. Twix had cried a lot, after birth. She oozed drool and feces. Even relegating diaper-changing to a robot he'd designed for taking care of the process hadn't saved Zim from having to smell it. Somehow, she had a keen sense of identifying when he was about to rest and began to scream the most then. Even with her one broken antenna, she knew.  

He'd cared for her, of course. He'd asked for this. He couldn't give up when she was only a few days old, that was tantamount to admitting failure. Her Pak helped, at least-- she began speaking within the month, although even that long had been admittedly nerve-wracking.  Unfortunately, she'd only seemed capable of a few words at a time- it took nearly six months for her to reach full sentences, and she seemed as frustrated by her body's inability to walk until she was one as he was.

And the health problems! She couldn't see (Zim made her goggles), she couldn't eat this or that (he had to induce vomiting or pump her stomach more times than he could count) and she just seemed to stop working at points (he stuck her in the healing pod and had to start pumping music in so she'd stop pounding on the glass from sheer boredom). 

But she was clever. She was very clever, and she hung on to every word out of Zim's mouth as if it was spun gold. Twix grew and grew, and Earth years passed quickly when he had something to fill the time. He found her outfits had to be constantly remade to keep up with her frame as she went from a wriggling lump to a tiny little person, and she had endless questions. (She wanted to know things he didn't have answers for.)

What does this do? What does that do? This is a missile launcher. It's for getting rid of any rebellions. That is a shock collar. They're good for keeping wayward humans in their places. 

What're humans? They're the ones that walk around on two legs that kind of look like us, but worse.  They're decent workers, but they smell worse too. (Her nose wrinkled at that.)

Why are you in charge? Because I conquered this spinning ball of filth.

Why? Because it was my job. 

Why does my spooch hurt? Go stand in the healing pod to check.

Why is the sky orange? The factories.

Where did you come from? Irk. It's the blue one on this map, see?

Where did I come from? My spooch. I have the videos. Many, many videos.

How come I've got hair and a nose and stuff like a human? Because you're half-human.

Why? Because I wanted someone who could help me rule, and who better than someone who's part of the conquered species?

Oh. Where'd the human come from? The Dib. He was my enemy. He lives in a cell now.

Why? So I can keep an eye on him.

He musta been really strong to stand up to you and for you to wanna make me out of him. He was. 

Can I see him? I don't see why not.

Zim had shown her through the screen. Dib was, as always, pacing his cell and throwing occasional glares and expletives at the camera. After all these years, it was a wonder that he even had that much energy. It fascinated Zim- and Twix as well, her little fingers pressing against the screen even as Dib flipped up his middle finger. Twix tried to copy it.

Absently, Zim traced a hand over Twix's hair before pulling back. "It's time for sparring."

"Yes, sir." She took a glance back before following him.

She was growing and learning and changing, and yet... something was wrong. Zim wasn't satisfied. She pushed herself over and over, training for hours, learning about the history of irk and skills to conquer worlds and some things he learned from the labs that he thought might be useful. She was excellent at dissecting whatever he put in front of her and she learned to take headshots at a hundred paces, and still, emptiness gnawed.

He pushed her harder. She fell, sometimes, but other times she rose past his expectations. He checked Dib's cell.  Fifteen paces one way, fifteen the other. He checked it again. Fifteen paces one way, fifteen the other. She lost a tooth and it took him nearly an hour to figure out that was normal. She shakily skinned a cat with chubby hands and presented him with the pelt. It was sloppy, but he had it made into a scarf. She tried to do the same with one of the human experiments, but human skin wasn't good for much and he stopped her. She was crying at odd hours of the night. He didn't remember crying as a smeet. (Except for under the tentpoles where Telgri's blood had soaked his boots and behind the cages when he'd set off the fireworks and inside the cubbies when Skoodge had offered him a snack after he'd almost had his arm blown off) Irkens didn't do that.

That must be a human thing.

He watched Dib's cell. A caged animal, after all these years. 

The house seemed smaller than it used to.

Zim wrapped the child leash around his wrist as he gave a speech while standing on top of his throne. He immediately vaporized the person who coughed in the back row. She clapped, but there was something in her eyes that he didn't like when she lifted her goggles to rub them. It was dull and muddy. A whirlpool of ink.

He watched Dib's cell and slowly curled up on himself on the chair, arms around his middle as the human hissed up at the camera. At him. 

He watched human television, now and then. (For hours and days.) Things were dramatic and messy but having other humans seemed to make life more bearable. Partners.

Twix asked if she could ever see him. She was eight, and had had a decade and a half of training channeled through her Pak even as her body toddled around with still-underdeveloped limbs. There had been incidents. Incidents that could have been avoidable if he'd had a human expert, one that knew more than him. She was human enough that....

That he couldn't risk his human knowledge being insufficient. He'd put too much into her.

He told the guards to put Dib in the old Membracelet and prepare him for a visit. All he told him when he arrived was that he was going to live with them, and with a snap of his fingers, the smiling muzzle muffled his protests. A matching smile spread across Zim's face. This was better. Dib was too important to just rot in a cell for a day later, he was proof Zim had done well, had truly conquered everything worth anything on this hunk of rock.

Everything would be perfect now. He had Twix, and now he would have Dib, trussed up like a pretty little trinket to see all that Zim's handiwork and his genes had created. He would hate it, of course, but he could fall in line eventually and then there would be no more lose ends and there would be nothing wrong, no holes to fill, no spots to mend, no emptiness to correct.

A dollhouse where Zim could keep everything in order. 

Forever.

[eljackinton]

Jack's End of Year Video Game Round-up.

There were many things I couldn't do this year, being in lockdown and all, which in turn meant I played a hell of a lot more video games than I normally do. Here's a quick rundown of what I thought of them.

Hitman 2

IO have sort of perfected the Hitman formula now, so future entries in the series simply have to ask the question of what new directions you can take that formula. In that regard Hitman 2 is a resounding success, setting sneaking and assassination in scenarios around the world from race tracks to holiday resorts, and thus making it the best entry yet. It's possible one day the Hitman conceit will wear thin, but today is not that day.

Thronebreaker

Most people will go into Thronebreaker just wanting a stand-alone version of the Gwent we played during Witcher 3. Thronebreaker is not that. Indeed, even beyond the changes to the mechanics brought in by the online version, Thronebreaker is more of a puzzle game which uses the mechanics of Gwent to concoct unique scenarios. Still, the story is pretty good and it is fun overall, even if it didn't end up scratching the itch left by Gwent.

Black Mesa (Xen)

I returned to Black Mesa after Xen was finally added, eager to see what the team had come up with. My feelings are complicated. The Xen portions of the game are really well designed, great to play and visually beautiful. However the levels hew so far from the Half-Life originals that it kind of stops feeling like Half-Life. I would have like to have seen a more faithful recreation to be honest.

Neon Struct

If you've been wanting a spiritual sequel to Thief that actually used the mechanics of Thief, here you go. Though low budget, and therefore having somewhat uninspiring visuals based on reused assets, it's still a really impressive game from what the team had to work with, and it's short enough that it doesn't outstay it's welcome.

Acid Spy

I'm generally usually okay at stealth games but this one was well beyond my skill level. Got through the tutorial but just got frustrated and quit on the first mission.

Salting the Earth

A wonderfully put together visual novel about the legacy of war and the nature of national identities. Also you date buff orc women. One of the best VNs I've played, but it does have some pretty bleak potential endings that clash somewhat with the rest of the story's tone.

Hedon

Speaking of buff orc women, Hedon is a vivid, perfectly designed retro-shooter that really uses the most of it's engine to bring it's world to life, with shades of Thief and Strife thrown in there. Wears its hornieness on it's sleeve, but if you can roll with that you'll have nothing but a good time.

The Painscreek Killings

I really really loved this immersive narrative game, where you explore an abandoned town to piece together a series of suspicious deaths. My only gripes are the town looks very British despite being set in the US, and the final confrontation adding a chase scene felt a little over dramatic.

Deus Ex Mankind Divided

There are many problems with Mankind Divided. Trying to find another story to do with Adam Jensen. Making the game more of an open world by taking away the usual Deus Ex globe-trotting. The clumsy use of racial metaphor being applied to cyborgs. All in all the game just didn't really come together, which is a shame, because the DLC showed such promise, and hinted at the real Deus Ex game we could have had.

Warhammer Armageddon DLC

I managed to complete the Salamanders DLC and got stuck near the end of the Blood Angels one. All in all it's simply 'more' of what the base game offered, and I'm not sure it really needed it.

Unavowed

Easily one of the most interesting games I played this year. So good It inspired me to write a cheesy fanfic. Sure the mechanics of applying squad mechanics to a point and click are interesting, but it's the world, the art and the characters themselves that really make this game. Highly recommended.

Devil Daggers

The ultimate distillation of classic shooter mechanics. One platform, one weapon, endless enemies. I didn't get all that far into it and I think most people won't, but I'm not going to complain for the price. Overdue a revisit.

Dream Daddy

A fun and fluffy dating game that actually does a good job of putting you into the mindset of a recently bereaved bisexual dad. Come for the hunks, stay for the really affecting story of a strained relationship between father and daughter.

Greedfall

Greedfall falls short of the mark in most aspects, but I have to give it credit for being one of the few games to give us a Bioware companion-centric adventure during this drought of Bioware games. It lacks the zing of something like Dragon Age, and handles the subject of colonialism really problematically, but if you can get past those issues, it's a fun ride, and a world I'd like to revisit.

Endless Legend

I've been wanting a game to scratch the Alpha Centauri itch for decades now and Endless Legend finally did it. There is a risk of being overwhelmed by the sheer number of unique factions to play, and I know I still haven't really scratched the surface even after 4 full campaigns. Is that a criticism? I suppose it depends if you think you can have too much of a good thing.

Space Hulk Deathwing Enhanced Edition

A valiant effort was put in to make a faithful FPS of the Space Hulk experience, but ultimately it falls far too short. The visuals look great and the game-feel of stomping around as a Space Marine really works, but the game lacks charm and character. Up against Vermintide, there's no comparison.

Sunless Sea

This is a game that feels like a bottomless abyss of secrets and mysteries tied up in a very brutal one-life-only system. I really enjoyed my time with Sunless Seas, with the music calling me like a wailing siren every now and again, yet in many ways I did find it a bit too unforgiving, and it could have benefited from having a bit more of a progression between lives than the almost solid reset it leaves you with.

Age of Empires / 2 / 3 Definitive Editions

The first Age of Empires has an important place in history, but is borderline unplayable by today's standards. Almost every aspect was improved in 2 and going back now feels like trading a car for a horse and cart. It's clear that the game was intending your slow crawl out of the stone age through hunting and gathering to be part of the game in its own right, but today it's just tedious, and the rest of the game is just so slow.

There isn't much to say about Age of Empire 2 that I haven't already said, but I will point out that multiplayer AOE2 has kept me sane over the course of the lockdown, and I'm glad the Definitive Edition enhanced that experience.

Age of Empire 3 tried too hard to reinvent the wheel. Instead of taking 2 and building on it, it instead contorted it around a colonisation theme, and it didn't really work. On top of that, the mechanics really felt they were built more for single-player story missions. The maps are too small, and the expansion factions clash with the rules badly. Still, there is fun to be had, and I'll be checking out the campaigns next year.

Hand of Fate 2

This game takes the original Hand of Fate and adds way, way too much into it. While I appreciate the addition of companions, a longer story mode, and optional side missions, the game is far too experimental with it's formula, and leaves me struggling with complex missions around being lost in a desert or evading barbarian hordes, when all I wanted was a straight forward dungeon crawl. I tapped out two thirds of the way through the campaign.

Wild Guns Reloaded

I love the style and aesthetic, but I just don't have the reflexes (or the gamepad) for these fast paced arcade games.

Vermintide 2 Drakenfels

Fatshark gave us an entire Vermintide campaign for free this year, at the cost of having to be subjected to obnoxious cosmetic micro-tranactions. Hard to say it was worth the price, but Fatshark really do continue to improve, bringing new scope and ideas to every new mission. As good as it gets.

Pendula Swing

A fun little game that apes the visuals of a Baldur's Gate style RPG but the mechanics of a point and click adventure game set in a fantasy version of the roaring twenties. A strong introduction to it's setting but definitely needs building on if we're to see a continuation. A lot of the world-building feels too simple and half-baked at times, and the gameplay feels like too much is going on too fast. Still, a charming story though.

The Shiva / The Blackwell Series

At first I had no idea that Unavowed was connected to a host of other Wadget Eye adventure games, so naturally I had to check them out. I'd known about The Shiva and the Blackwell games for years, but never actually thought about picking them up. Playing them all back to back was a great experience, and almost felt like a prototype to the episodic storytelling many games do today.

Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light/Temple of Osiris

Guardian of Light is a fun, inventive co-op game for killing some time with a friend. The puzzles are often unique and interesting and get you thinking, and the story, while nothing fantastic, is fun enough to keep you interested and have a laugh about with your co-op partner in a B-Movie kind of way. Temple of Osiris adds way too much to the formula, with more characters, mechanics and more open exploration and it absolutely loses the charm of the first game, and even then it's buggy as hell. Skip the second one.

Command and Conquer Remastered

Big chunks of my childhood are taken up with memories of playing Command and Conquer and Red Alert, so it's difficult to really gauge my thoughts on the remaster. On the one hand the art direction looks great and preserves the feel of the original, and the quality of life improvements to the gameplay help make it more playable. The nostalgia hit is also palpable. That being said, the mechanics have not aged all that well, with much of the game being far, far too hard. Probably the best way to experience the genesis of the RTS genre but just know what you're getting in for.

Superhot Mind Control Delete

I wrote a lot at length about how unsure I was about Mind Control Delete at the time, and that's because it does feel a little unsure about itself. Is it a continuation of the first game? A fun bonus mode? A mediation on the nature of addiction? A critique of video game content? A joke on the player? I don't know, but I do know one thing, and that is that Superhot is still as addictive as hell.

Opus Magnum

Zachtronic's steampunk alchemy game requires far too much maths brain than I am capable of , and so I had to rely on guides a lot of the time, but that being said, it's still amazingly put together and vividly presented. Really feels like a game that could be used in schools.

Necromunda Underhive Wars (Story Mode)

I'll be checking out Underhive's Campaign mode in the new year, but for now I just want to talk about the story mode. Much like Mordheim, this is a game that's not going to work for everyone, but I really dug it and like it's unique take on a squad based TBS. However, in many respects the game does feel like a missed opportunity. The storyline is fun enough, and the arsenal robust, but much of the character of the tabletop game, the weird, chaotic, and sometimes comical things that can happen over the course of a battle seems to have been lost in translation, as has the quirky character to a lot of the gangs.  

Outer Wilds

There is little I can say about Outer Wilds that hasn't already been said by others, particularly that one should go into the game as blind as possible. A beautiful piece of interactive art, words would fail me in describing it anyway.

Life is Strange 2

Fantastically written, amazingly animated, wonderfully acted, and grim and depressing as all hell. I really love Life is Strange 2, but it it a tough game to bare witness to, especially in 2020. It treats it's subject matter with great maturity, but is so dark it's hard to motivate yourself to continue each gruelling episode. Also, I really think it would have fared better if it had not named itself Life is Strange 2, as not following Max and Chloe turned a lot of people away from a game I think they'd have otherwise enjoyed if they'd named it Wolf Brothers or something.

Half Life 2 / Episodes / Portal / 2/ Mel

After playing Black Mesa earlier this year I decided to revisit the entire Half Life 2 and Portal series. What I concluded is that Half Life 2 is not really all that good. A well told story wrapped around weak combat and average encounter design. This much improves across the episodes of course, but in the end I rather feel Half Life 2 is pretty overrated.

Portal, on the other hand, still feels fresh, though I was surprised I'd forgotten just how much was added in Portal 2, to the point Portal feels more like a game demo. That being said, I think the slowly growing mystery and menace of Portal has aged a lot better than the gagfest the series became with 2. Mel, a stand-alone mod that feels like could be a Portal 3 in it's own right, returns to a more serious tone, and feels all the stronger because of it.

Control

Control has gone from a game I didn't really care about all that much to one of my favourites of the year, if not the decade. Sure there are criticisms I could make, but the world has so much depth, the characters so much potential, and the gameplay such perfectly designed chaos, that it wouldn't really matter. A great time was had.

Icewind Dale 2

Finishing Icewind Dale 2 was the final banishing of the old ghosts of Infinity Engine games I never finished as a kid. Sure there was the nostalgia, but Icewind Dale 2 also feels prefect for the Baldurs Gate era's swan song. Beautiful environments, a well written story and great interface and design, only pulled down due to some overly long busywork at various points and the plot being dragged on a little too long. Still, sad to know I have no further Infinity Engine games left to conquer.

Elsinore

The first half of Elsinore is an absolutely great time-loop mystery, which seems to be an interesting interrogation of Shakespearian tropes and asks the question of how much of a Shakespearian tragedy remains the more you change it. The second half, however, quickly devolves into a cosmic horror story that feels a poor fit for the genre and far too grim for the art style, and that's even before it basically devolves into trying to do the same thing Undertale did but worse. A well put together game whose ending did not sit well with me.

Gwent: The Witcher Card Game

Since Thronebreaker didn't sate my appetite I started playing competitive Gwent. It is a wholly different game than the one that appears in The Wither 3, but is certainly fascinating in it's own right. After 200 hours I am officially addicted, somebody please send help.

And that's that. Not doing a top 5 games of the year because I played too many this year and I've spent too much time thinking about them already. Here's hoping I play less in 2021 and can get back to a more normal life.

[jawnkeets]

Do you have any tips for writing poetry? And have you ever considered publishing?

hi! i find this incredibly difficult to talk about, as most people do, and rilke says everything i want to say but better in letters to a young poet. that said, i’ll do my best, and try to say something that isn’t just rilke in paraphrase. please note also that you don’t have to take this as objective or authoritative in any way, or as conclusive; many have opinions that differ wildly to mine and i will be working out how to write poetry for the rest of my life. disclaimers aside… 

the first thing i’d say is that ‘plunging into the recesses of your soul’, so to speak, and just writing whatever you feel without editing and self-criticism is not where you should be ending up. however, it is where to start. i don’t mean this so much as advice for writing each individual poem, but rather for the general process of development; it’s easier to develop as a poet if you have a visceral love for it from the start even if you have very little technical skill, rather than technically excelling but lacking ‘something’. the work of genius that is rough around the edges is usually preferred by most to flawless but bare poetics - longinus (a greek critic writing in the roman era), for example, praises plato and demosthenes, who were careless and imperfect, over hyperides, who made no mistakes but was a lesser writer in longinus’ eyes. the same may be said of shakespeare’s continued appeal; it is vexed and long-debated, but the ‘untaught genius’ label ascribed to him is pretty pervasive.* if you carry an initial spark you can fan it into a fire quite smoothly with a little effort, rather than having to laboriously strike 2 pieces of flint together over and over later on.     

people, especially today, and probably in part because of romanticism’s legacy, often equate this ‘something’ with emotion or love, as i am guilty of doing here, but others come at it with a more intellectual slant (think wallace stevens, j. h. prynne, hart crane) - they feel ‘colder’ to read, somehow, but there’s still something there, just swathed in ice and not in fire. maybe emotion and love are possible places to draw this ‘something’ from rather than its essence, i don’t know - i am biased because i think that’s where i began. many many people have tried to explain this ‘something’ over the years, attributing it to a fear of death, the desire for glory, desperation to be remembered, escapism, etc (and, more recently, where we put our innate religiosity due to the perceived rise of western atheism). i’m not interested in trying to define it here - you can try to do so as you continue to write poetry, if you would like to or if you feel compelled to, or you can choose to leave its definition alone (’to define is to limit’…?). regardless, this ‘something’, remaining elusive and ultimately ineffable yet curiously producing an intense desire in people to spend their whole lives trying to express it, to pin it down with language as a moth is nailed to a board,** is what you have to foster, tame, bring out, wrestle with, take shelter from, and hold in your hands. 

my second piece of advice would be to read poetry as well as writing it, and to become what sarah kane in 4.48 psychosis calls a ‘literary kleptomaniac’.  essays like t. s. eliot’s ‘tradition and the individual talent’ may help to illustrate what i mean, but, in short, in the best-case scenario poetry will mould you and you will mould it. there seems to be a strange preoccupation with being stand-alone originals in the 21st century, when the greatest poets have always been borrowing from and altering myths and legends, philosophy, and, above all, other poems, in all sorts of ways. writing poetry is no small task, requiring hours of reading and a serious dedication to and immersion in all of literature. it is getting in a boat to voyage out at sea, not turning a tap on and off at will. there is the stereotypical distinction between milton as intensely intellectual and learned and shakespeare as just able to pull whatever he had out of nowhere, but in all likelihood both read voraciously. 

my final piece of advice would be to hide the ‘something’ you have in order, paradoxically, to reveal it. it is better felt full-on, but expressed to the side. those à la stevens/ prynne/ crane seem to grasp this implicitly, so if that’s you, then this may not be that useful. but for the rest of us, artaud in this quote appears to have some intimation of what i’m getting at. i’ve also learned a lot about this from larkin’s poetry. he is cynical, sarcastic, grumpy, stubborn, worn out, and generally quite miserable. no exaggeration, no fireworks. but because of that each poem opens up like a flower, often only in the final stanza or even only in the final line. it’s as if in repressing that ‘something’ it inevitably seeps through the cracks, and becomes more powerful and beautiful by virtue of being initially hidden away. don’t worry about losing whatever the ‘something’ is when you attempt this, it will always push its way through. see high windows, church going, best society, and the mower for examples, but i thoroughly recommend his collected poems. 

as to your second question, i’ve been writing a lot recently and this year am going to try to send off as many poems as possible to competitions, magazines, etc!!

i hope this helps!

~

* this is not me telling you not bother learning anything or doing any reading. i firmly believe that you will improve leaps and bounds if you read poetry too, as i will go on to discuss. 

**this metaphor may not be entirely fitting, though, and is another thing to think about - what is your aim in trying to communicate what you can only communicate by writing poetry? is it an act of violence - to make that ‘something’ stand still, to dominate, to contain, to conquer (or, slightly differently but relatedly, to define in order to find peace)? or is it rather a celebration, drawing up a shadow of this ‘something’ as an act of worship, bringing a reader to see it as through a veil, rejoicing in its elusive complexity? see keats’ negative capability in relation to the latter idea. 

[kashyyyyk]

i was tagged my the lovely @theleavesoflorien to answer these questions, so here goes :))

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen?

blue actually! but idk why

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city?

the country ideally, bc cities are just too noisy, too grey, too many people. but on the other hand, ppl in the country are boring af... so. guess i could live anywhere where i had some peace and quiet and nature on the one hand, and some interesting ppl on the other - one can dream ig, lol

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

any skill would be nice X’D but i guess writing, always. and not being a procrastinator. just being able to focus and actually finish/achieve smth. would be great (if that’s even a “skill”)

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar?

coffee sometimes (aka when it’s bad coffee lol); tea never (tho i’d put in honey sometimes)

5. What was your favourite book as a child?

gosh i have no idea. i remember liking most books by Marc De Bel and Patrick Lagrou (both Flemish writers) and then as a teenager ig it had to be Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban!   

6. Do you prefer baths or showers?

i like both, but maybe baths, which have that additional element of “i’ve got time to relax rn” which is always great

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be?

werewolf :’) or smth that lives in the ocean (not a mermaid tho, i’m not 12) like a giant turtle or smth, or some big cat (i don’t know my mythology wow), or a dragon :33333

8. Paper or electronic books?

paper! ♥ which goes against my eco principles but i just loooove books and can’t get myself to read on a screen

9. What is your favourite item of clothing?

my mom jeans :’) 

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it?

i don’t like it at all D: if money wasn’t a factor, i probably would’ve changed it already, sorry @ my parents but yes

11. Who is a mentor to you?

George Harrison :’)

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for?

writing fantasy/scifi books or shows/movies pls and thanks ♥

13. Are you a restless sleeper?

i sleep like a log, which ig is why i wake up feeling like one XD

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person?

lol. i used to... guess deep down i still am, even tho i’ve completely embraced ace/aro life for now. would never go for any of that sappy stuff tho, but some epic kind of soulmates love, i’m one of the idiots who believes in that shit :’)

15. Which element best represents you?

water ♥ and i guess air to a certain extent

16. Who do you want to be closer to?

lmao @theleavesoflorien, Henry Cavill, HARD SAME :’))) or Dhani Harrison for that matter :3 ~the 2 Main Platonic Baes~ but in all realness, i’d just wish i had any rl friends that i vibed with on a soul level /rip

17. Do you miss someone at the moment?

my brother i guess, always ♥

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory.

re-enacting The Lion King with my brother XD and generally just making up stories with him - @theleavesoflorien, we did the radio shows/quizzes too! brilliant XD

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

fermented shark, in Iceland. i highkey would not recommend 

20. What are you most thankful for?

still being alive i suppose :’) tho sometimes these days i wish i wasn’t. also, great music, books, tv shows, movies ♥ and whatever unspoiled nature we still have

21. Do you like spicy food?

sure! tho not like really spicy ig

22. Have you ever met someone famous?

i met Michael Palin in 2018 at a book signing ♥_♥ after a talk he did. and i said i’d liked the talk and he said thanks :’))))) also met Terry Gilliam last year and we talked for 2 secs ♥ and ig there were others but i can’t remember right now. oh yeah, talked to Finn Jones at a con one time :’)

23. Do you keep a diary or journal?

lol yeah like about 5 of them XD all for different aspects of my life i suppose. i have the worst memory in the world, so i need this to literally remember things

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

pen

25. What is your star sign?

cancer sun / leo moon / scorpio rising 

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?

oh my fuck who would like soggy cereal o_____O

27. What would you want your legacy to be?

idk, just generally being remembered at all would be nice. would be great to have contributed something noticeable, but having made people happy in some way at all would do ig

28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read?

LMAO yes :’) i’m reading a few dozen atm, but the last one i finished was Sign of Chaos by Roger Zelazny, part of the Amber series i’ve read about 6 times now instead of reading new things

29. How do you show someone you love them?

no idea :’)) just be there for them ig. giving them some of my time must mean i love them bc i loooovvvveee my time :’)

30. Do you like ice in your drinks?

not really actually. if it needs to be cold i’d rather just have it chilled than have ice in it

31. What are you afraid of?

dying without really having lived :’) /harsh truths hour

32. What is your favourite scent?

peaches, basil, privet, monoï, ....

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname?

gosh, depends on the situation. i guess i’d say sir or madam (without the surname tho) and i mean older as in at least 20y older

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

not working for anyone else another day in my life. except if i found something i really want to get behind and put some effort in. hopefully write for pleasure tho, which would hopefully come easier since i wouldn’t be stressed at all times. i’d like to live near the ocean and the jungle, surrounded by a only few but likeminded people ♥

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?

love ♥ the ocean, tho i also scares me lol. would say a natural pool or a lake without too many weeds in it :’)

36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground?

take it ofc

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?

oh yes! i always make a wish :) and the same one each time too

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children?

that they’re okay, that of course growth is important, but that they’re enough as they are, and only have to change if they want it, not for anyone else. i’d try to teach them empathy and respect for all beings and the earth we live on

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

got three already, but i’m contemplating George Harrison’s squiggly sun drawing from his Here Comes the Sun manuscript, maybe on my ankle? still considering Tolkien’s dragon drawing too. an ॐ somewhere definitely, maybe combined with some lotus thing, idk yet..

40. What can you hear right now?

Pink Floyd - The Great Gig in the Sky (Live, from Pulse)

41. Where do you feel the safest?

in my flat. or in nature when there’s no one around. in fact i feel safe most places where there’s not too many people around

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

my procrastination

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be?

ooof, difficult choice. maybe just super far back to hunter-gatherer times tbh XD like okay, not that intellectually or spiritually developed, but still in touch with the actual earth we live on as simply another species, before assuming we were anything “more” or w/e, before any money or power or religion came into play ♥

44. What is your most used emoji?

i’m on the computer now so, hmmmm but: ok hand, and the crying emoji, and the two hearts, and ofc the “this is fine” content smiling one XD sorry idk how to describe it

45. Describe yourself using one word.

idiot

46. What do you regret the most?

not having taken my life into my own hands in my 20s... but i honestly try not to regret much anymore. i guess my 20s couldn’t have gone much different all things considered, and i did learn from them

47. Last movie you saw?

Mortal Kombat X’D

48. Last tv show you watched?

Red Dwarf ♥♥♥

49. Invent a word and its meaning

this is too difficult :’)))))

as usual i’m lazy and tag anyone who feels like doing this! ~♥