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erinfulmerwrites · 2 years

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Over the next thirty days, thousands of ambitious writers will churn out 50,000 words apiece to earn nothing but bragging rights, a hearty case of sleep deprivation, and hopefully part of a messy first draft.

I’ve attempted the challenge nine times and met the 50k goal six times. The event has a special energy that inspires me. There’s something about knowing that so many writers are pushing for this goal alongside me, sharing the experience of highs and lows, prioritizing their creative process.

Note that I also thrive under the urgency of a short timeline—not everyone’s best case scenario. Your mileage may vary. If NaNoWriMo isn’t for you, that is completely valid and doesn’t make you less of a serious writer. In fact it probably makes you more sane and healthy than some (i.e. me).

But! Since tomorrow is Nov. 1 and those who enjoy a good arbitrary deadline will be off to the races (also me), it seems like a good time to talk about how to “win” at NaNoWriMo without losing your mind or your motivation.

Make time for your writing.

Tell your spouse, tell your kids, tell your cats (as if they’ll listen): your priorities will be different this month. Set aside blocks of time where you can. Clear your schedule as much as possible.

NaNoWriMo is a great time to establish or experiment with a writing routine. Ask yourself when you get the most out of your writing time. When do you feel the strongest sense of creative flow?

Do the words flow more easily the morning, before everyone wakes up? Or do they come easier in the evening, when the concerns of the day have been put to bed? If you’re short on time, can you fit in small sessions to “sprint” throughout the day? Stay curious about your experience throughout and be open to trying new methods when the tried and true falls short.

Make every word count.

Can’t figure out how to start a scene? Brainstorm in your document. Ask yourself on the page what should happen next.

Start with “I am having trouble writing this scene because…” and just free write for a while. List possibilities, lines that pop into your head, ideas for future scenes you want to lay groundwork for. Do a brain dump of your doubts and hopes for the story.

If you find an interesting hook, start following it. Before long, you’ll probably have a nice chunk of words on the page, even if some of it is angst or lists or seven different ways to start a scene. Don’t delete anything—they all count as words you wrote in November.

Accept the mess.

You can edit out the brain dumps and angst later. You’re going to revise this manuscript anyway. There is no perfect first draft. There is definitely no perfect 50k words written in 30 days.

Also, unless you are writing a novella or a middle grade book, 50k is not a full length book. It’s embryonic, a skeleton, a homunculus, a mock-up. It’s incomplete and that’s the way it should be. It’s what it needs to be at this stage.

I think of this draft as the roughed-out shape of wood or stone on a sculptor’s table before the artist does the real detail work with chisel and knife that exposes the grace of her vision. It’s the first layer of a painting with blocky shapes, a few colors, sketched lines. It’s laying a foundation that you will build on later.

It might help to call it a zero draft or an in depth outline—whatever gets you out of perfectionist mode. The perfect is the enemy of the done. It has no place in NaNoWriMo.

Keep it interesting.

If you’re not enjoying what you’re working on during a given session, if you’re not excited about some aspect of it, use this feeling as a cue. Ask yourself what would have to happen to make it interesting to you. Now write that instead.

A more specific variant of this technique: ask “what’s the worst thing that could happen to my character right now?” Whatever you come up with is also probably the most interesting thing that could happen to them. Character torture is legal, even encouraged, in NaNoWriMo.

NaNoWriMo is a good time to take risks with your writing. Don’t be afraid to go off outline, to try out new voices, tenses, or techniques, or to introduce brand new characters that derail the plot in exciting ways. Sometimes you have to blow up your plot to get through it.

If you have to skip some stuff, skip it. You can literally write that “somehow, they got from point A to B.” Do whatever it takes. You don’t have to write the boring parts. You don’t want your eventual readers to have to read the boring parts, either.

You don’t have to write every day.

I’m not a fan of any writing advice that preaches the gospel of daily writing, because that’s not possible for everyone and is frankly ableist. If you don’t get your words in or you don’t hit “par” for the day, don’t stress. In fact, a break may be just what you need to get your creative mojo back.

Don’t give up because you miss a couple of days or a week or even more. Although the number of words you need for the month may seem overwhelming, a few good days can go a long way. Focus on meeting incremental goals rather than the amount you’re ahead or behind on a daily basis.

You can always stage a late game comeback. Hell, I’ve made it a NaNo tradition. (I am REALLY motivated by urgency. *waves in ADHD*) However…

A few words are better than zero.

If you’re feeling unmotivated and you’re not sure if you should try to push yourself on a given day or not, make a deal with yourself to write 50 words. Just 50. When you get those 50 words, if you still don’t want to write any more that day, you can stop and do whatever you want instead.

Odds are that by the time you get those 50 words in you will have found your flow again. If not, you still have more words than you started. And that is a win.

Be kind to yourself in this and keep your promise if it’s a real chore to get out 50 words, if you can’t stand to stare at the page for a moment more. Let yourself be done. Creativity takes energy, and sometimes that energy just isn’t there. Honor that and take time to fill your creative well, rest, and recalibrate.

Find your easy mode.

Writing is already hard. Engaging your creativity is a workout for your brain meat. In that light, look for ways to make the act of writing easier and more comfortable. You don’t have to write on hard mode!

Focus apps or browser extensions can eliminate distractions like social media. The StayFocusd Chrome extension, which is free to install for desktop, will let you “go nuclear” and block the whole internet. It annoys me how well this works!

Having trouble getting to the computer? Try writing in your notes app on your phone or sitting on the couch with a laptop or tablet. I recently dug out my old Surface notebook so I could write on the couch and it’s so much comfier than my desk.

Curate your physical environment as well. Noise canceling headphones are a blessing if you’re easily distracted. Experiment with what kind of noise keeps your energy up without interrupting your flow. White noise or instrumentals are usually my go-to, but lately dance music has been giving me an energy and mood boost while writing.

Dictation to text apps can help if you have physical pain or vision problems. I haven’t tried this myself but I sometimes use my voice memos for notes if I can’t get to a keyboard. I might test out dictation more this year, though, because my eyestrain issues have been killing me.

Sprint to the finish line!

Finally, there is the classic NaNoWriMo tradition of word sprints. A sprint is a short burst of writing time in which you try to get as many words out as possible, perhaps in friendly competition with fellow writers. Most Discord writing servers I’m in have automated sprint bots now, so that’s how I usually do this, but you can also use a regular timer.

I don’t always use sprints because they can stress me out. They are effective, though, so I will use them during NaNoWriMo if I need to do some catch up. Once I’m warmed up, I can write around 300 words in a 15 minute sprint, so four sprints or an hour of writing can net me more than 1k words—and I’m a relatively slow sprinter.

Do it because you want to.

If short deadlines and fast drafting don’t work for you, if you hate every minute of NaNoWriMo, if reading this stresses you out, don’t do it. It doesn’t make you a better writer to write 50k words in a month. It’s an arbitrary goal and for many writers, it’s a hard stretch goal.

Not everyone wants to run a marathon. I don’t! Plenty of runners don’t do marathons, either. It’s not worth doing unless you get something out of it, and it is very taxing.

You will need recovery time. You will feel exhausted. You will wonder why you decided to do this.

Know why you are doing it. Don’t pressure yourself if it doesn’t sound like something you want. Also, if you want to quit midway, you can quit without penalty. You will still have more words than you started with, and that is a win in itself.

Make the challenge work for you.

The NaNo events have loosened up over time. You can work on more than one project at a time during November if you like. You can work on revisions, continue a draft you already started (this is what I’m doing) or write something that is not a novel at all.

So be a NaNo rebel if that’s what works for you! They’ll even give you a badge for it. Again, if you’re writing words in November, you’re winning.

If you want the community writing experience but don’t want the pressure of committing to 50k, you can set your own goal. You won’t get the badges and rewards if you don’t go for 50k, but you’re not missing out on anything major. The real magic of NaNoWriMo is making a commitment to writing with community support.

There are no NaNo police. Even the 50k is verified on an honor system. I am sure people lie about it but literally no one cares. (There are some discount codes available if you win, but that’s really just icing, and there are offers for participants as well.)

Celebrate the power of “no.”

Last year, some friends and I decided to celebrate NoNoNoMo – the month of saying NO. Saying no is powerful—and it doesn’t have to be negative. It’s all about setting and honoring our boundaries.

Say no to guilt and obligations that get in the way of writing. Say no to self-doubt and self-rejection. Say no to Twitter, fuck that place. Say no to distractions that steal your time and don’t replenish your energy in return.

Say no to the rules of writing—use all the adverbs and filler words you want. Say no to whatever sucks the joy out. Say no to other people’s ways of doing things.

Hell, say no to every piece of advice in this post! Say no to NaNoWriMo, if you want. It’s really there to get you hyped up for writing—if you find it does the opposite, definitely say no to that.

But you say no to everything else here, please don’t forget to sleep, hydrate, and eat—your brain will use more fuel than you think while writing. Say no to running on empty. It is just electric, amazing, creative meat in there, after all.

Experiment with what works for you, get curious about your process, and don’t forget to connect with your fellow writers who are running this marathon with you. Community commiseration will carry you through a lot of rough spots. Writing can feel solitary and isolating, but NaNoWriMo provides an opportunity to remember that you’re not alone in your struggles or your triumphs.

However you decide to spend it, NaNo or no NaNo (or just NoNoNoMo), have a great November and happy writing!

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dapurinthos · 10 months

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writing isekai star wars fic is like leaving a single kudzu seed pod, going 'it'll be fine', and then coming back to find a skyscraper covered in it. it has taken over my youtube homepage. at least one in every six videos is star wars-related. i have seen seven different 'definitive' order 66 cuts advertised.

and do things like:

I thumb a discreet message to Master Lene on my dual-phase comm: archives compromised. send help. or weapons. Master Lene’s reply of weapons ARE helps is quickly followed by second line. This one is entirely of question marks. She wants to know more, ASAP. I start to type and get a: keep it short, about to go into hyperspace. discovered dooku deleted data. jo murderous is what she receives. I get a reply back of a half-dozen interrobangs before the warning of The user you are trying to reach is now out of range pops up in a different coloured bubble. “Unfortunately, Master Lene’s in hyperspace and can’t give you the best advice on weaponry,” I say. “Just as well. I’ll have a better idea of what’s going on when you get back.” “Get back?” She gives me a withering look. It’s not as withering as the look she gave Obi-Wan before, but it’s still withering enough that I’m sure I’ve missed some inference that I shouldn’t have. “You.” Master Jo points at me. I point at me in concordance. She nods, and continues. “You are going to this ‘Kamino’,” she says the name with such a disgusted voice that I’m going to need the ability to imitate immediately, “with Master Kenobi so that I can begin to fix the data despoiled by Dooku—” “Nice alliteration.”

#star wars fanfiction

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avocado-frog · 1 year

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Dahlia. 10

sorry about the spam posting i'm trying to get caught up. curses to everyone who voted "update dahlia" on the make me write tag

I keep posting these and forgetting the link lmao -Ao3 link

-It's the Leo backstory chapter!!

-I spent a whole goddamn hour trying to make sure this lined up with the timeline

Segment one- 7/29/2008 -The twins are five, the triplets are about three months old -Using Leo's full name felt like I was writing an entirely different character -My confession is that this chapter was written back in May, and I didn't learn to play go fish until two weeks ago when a six-year-old beat me four times (she was cheating) -It's edited to make it less obvious that I didn't know how to play go fish when I was writing it. I thought it was like solitaire?? As if a game for little kids would be like solitaire ever at all?? -Olivia>>

Segment two- 4/2/2009 -Twins are six now -They just got stolen -"She could count on one hand the amount of times she'd even seen her aunt, and that was impressive, because she could count really high up." Baby Leo <3 she can count to like 80

Segment three- 4/5/2009 -Logan and Lily!!! Love them -Logan's probably around 13, Lily's 5 -The way I forgot Logan had a sister -The way I also forgot that Lily's full name is Lilith

Segment four- 4/10/2009 -OH THANK GOD it was physically paining me to write Leonie -(chewing on drywall) they gave each other nicknames and they kept those nicknames even though Leo forgot everything else and-

Segment five- 5/14/2011 -The twins are eight now -Logan, Jasmine, and Lily all left and if the twins hadn't forgotten then they'd have grown up thinking that they were dead anyways :(

Segment six- 5/30/2011 -Leo was out for like two weeks -Emily (derogatory) -Oh No

Segment seven- 9/29/2011 -The twins are color-coded red and green -THEY'RE BOTH AFRAID OF LOUD NOISES AND THEY DONT REMEMBER WHY GEGEGRGRGGR -Autistic Leo real -So it's canon that their magic develops after a big stress and Leo's was after one day at school and honestly-

Segment eight- 10/23/2011 -Their ninth birthday!! -Kai debut the littlest guy ever -He's like. eight i think

Segment nine- 10/17/2013 -It says age ten but it's a week before they're eleven -Leo got into a fight for attention -emily for the love of god pay attention to your hostage she's about to develop a personality disorder -Marcy's brief cameo <3

Segment ten- 11/19/2014 -The twins are twelve -The twins are no longer friends also -Leo almost gets arrested -"That was what she wanted, wasn't it?" NO -How obvious is it that i don't know card games

Segment eleven- 6/17/2016 -The twins are thirteen -Girl you GOT him!! he's fucking dead!! that was unnecessary!!! -ASPD Leo is real

Segment twelve- 10/31/2018 -They're sixteen -Forget-me-not canon

Segment thirteen- 1/14/2019 -Leo's dynamic with the kids >>> -"Snowmen, I'm familiar with the concept." -Leo says "hold your horses" -ELLIOT!! Alive and well!! He demands apple cider -Sam wants to be like his sister :((

Segment fourteen- 3/20/2019 -I'M SORRY!! -Leo's beef with Jaxon sort of explained -Leo's just trying to find someone to blame

Segment fifteen- 4/20/2019 -The fight :( -Leo leaves

Segment sixteen- 5/11/2019 -Ryan's nightmare but Leo is too Leo to know what to do about it -"Silently, she cursed the weather for doing this to him."

Segment seventeen- 10/23/2019 -Coincidentally the seventeenth segment is the twin's seventeenth birthday -Hope you're excited for the Cass backstory chapter when I parallel the shit out of this

Segment eighteen- 6/14/2020 -They're still only seventeen -Anyways: the present -Dylan and Ryan are basically possessed by Elliot right now so that's cool -Leo has to deal with it tho -There was a deleted segment where Leo used to play softball to explain the baseball bat she uses, but I don't know shit about softball and didn't want to try. Anyways, Leo played softball in 7th grade -Leo finally calls the others, does not mention the part about the kids being possessed

#writing #isaac says things related to his writing again #original work #writeblr #original characters #wip: dahlia #oc: leo

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goboymusic · 2 years

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I remember hearing @tomdelonge’s voice as a child and thinking it was hilarious. Before I knew what he looked like, I imagined a really nerdy, skinny guy with thick frame eyeglasses. Fast forward to today, and he is hands down my favorite vocalist. Most unique voice I’ve ever heard, particularly on the 1999-2003 @blink182 albums when he sang a little higher.

Coffee sound effects + beat + bass guitar + vocals = “#Coffee Song.”

The goal for “Coffee Song” was to reimagine the chorus of “Summer Breakdown (Song 5).” Adapting the chorus chord structure to the new beat was easy, but after about four days of trying to adapt the chorus melody, I gave up, deleted the old chorus melody, and made the “doo doo” falsetto vocals the new chorus. The beat could have been completely altered to fit the old chorus melody, but by that point I had added the coffee sound effects and bass guitar line and didn’t want to mess with their magnificence. Seriously, I love the combination of the beat and coffee sound effects.

These were the first of many food-related lyrics throughout GoBoy 5. The focus on junk food lyrics actually increased my craving for it, leading to me eating far more of it than usual for a solid year. Taco Bell, McDonalds, Ben & Jerry’s, Doritos, etc. I only stopped after developing health issues related to diet. Those health issues cleared up after a few months of strict dieting.

The original version repeated the lyrics “taste of your hips” rather than “taste of your lips.” Six months after it’s original release, I uploaded a new version with clean lyrics. This particular song didn’t benefit from being more explicit.

During the final days of production, I attempted to add a new chorus with the lyrics “I like you like I like my coffee, black and sweet.” So cringe. Luckily, the vocals weren’t meshing with the beat, so that chorus idea was removed.

The vocals were difficult to figure out how to mix in “Coffee Song.” For the first few days of mixing, they simply weren’t meshing with the instruments. They stuck out like a sore thumb. After spending some time sifting through lofi plugin settings and adjusting them, adding that to the verse vocals solved the problem.

Lofi vocal effects are popular in pop rock music. The Killers use it for many of their songs (example: “Mr. Brightside”). Green Day uses it once in a while (example: “American Idiot”). Lofi plugins usually cut out lower frequencies and add some distortion to the vocals, making it sound like someone’s singing through an old radio transmission. When used in the right places, it sounds cool (excerpt from post 78).

Regarding the sound effects, I worked as a sound designer for the film industry for a few years during the seven-year hiatus (more about the hiatus in posts 23 and 36) where I learned the utterly worthless skill of creating / manipulating sound effects. That skill was utilized in this song, along with songs like “Mermaids,” “Food Song,” “Seattle” and “Rebecca” (excerpt from post 75).

Beat + bass + melody. That’s the style of GoBoy 5. While I’ve appreciated this minimalistic style for years, “Tell My Mama (Song 42)” was the first time trying it. I went whole-hog with GoBoy 5, in which most songs primarily consist of a beat, bass and melody (excerpt from post 80).

For GoBoy 5, instead of creating for the sake of creating, like I did for GoBoy 4, I wanted to make poppier songs that would appeal to a larger audience. Was that goal accomplished? Well, maybe, I guess. It resulted in the song “In Love (Song 82),” which everyone and their mother seems to like (excerpt from post 79).

GoBoy 5 ragdolled me. I remember wondering if I’d live to see the completion of the album. While the style is minimalistic, the writing and production processes were chaotic, akin to throwing darts with a blindfold on. Most songs turned into a puzzle once they reached the mixing phase, with a portion of the pieces being destined not to fit. It required constant compromising - discarding segments, restructuring, rewriting, etc. The combination of the difficult production process and temporary chaos at work left a blood-soaked trail behind me (excerpt from post 80).

In April, 2021, almost all of GoBoy 3, 4 and 5‘s songs were restructured to be under 3 minutes (preferably under 2m 30s), including this song. I became okay with releasing songs around the 2 min mark after realizing The Beatles and The Beach Boys had some songs around that length. In an attempt to increase replay value in this streaming era, most of GoBoy’s songs are now purposely around 2m 20s (excerpts from post 37).

A bass boost was added to songs 37-99 in Nov, 2021, while I was stuck at home with covid. As a result, this song feels more powerful. The bass boost isn’t a simple plugin nonchalantly added to each song. It’s a process that took about 3.5 hours per song, or one whole month to complete all songs. Admittedly, I pushed the bass boost a little too far for some of them. The bass in some songs sounds like a freaking earthquake (unnecessarily pronounced low frequencies 20 - 50 Hz). Might dial that back someday. The bass boost was also applied to every song on GoBoy 6 and beyond (excerpt from post 37).

#GoBoy #Coffee #83

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study-coffee-chicago · 3 years

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Stars on your Sleeve (Part 2) [A Jay Halstead Imagine]

A/N: The name of the girl is Y/N (I mostly write my imagines in second person POV...except for the one you guys might see in a few weeks) and cariña is just a nickname/term of endearment in Spanish that means sweetheart. Sorry if anyone got confused about that in part one!

"Dad," you started as you walked into Jay's office after school that day.

It was a Thursday and you had taken the bus from school to the district. It wasn't often that you did this, but you had gotten texts from both your mom and dad telling you that the current case was going to drag on and on tonight, so they wanted you at the district so that you wouldn't be home alone until two or three o'clock in the morning.

"Hi, cariña. How was your day? Learn anything interesting in school?"

"Dad," you groaned. "It's high school, half the stuff they teach me I won't ever use again."

"Well, excuse me for wanting to know about my daughter's day."

"Just can't wait for this week to be over to sleep in."

"You and me both, kid."

"Half the time you work weekends though, Dad," you pointed out.

"Comes with the sergeant title."

"And your sleeping in is like 7:00."

"Point taken. Now, did Mom pack you a few extra snacks or do you need some money for the vending machines?"

"She didn't--"

"Don't even finish that sentence, young lady," Hailey said as she burst into Jay's office. "I packed you a few extra things and you know it. You just want--"

"--Oreos," Jay and Hailey said at the same time.

"Hey, don't blame me! They taste good," you protested. "Anyway, Dad, can I use your laptop to do my homework?"

"Don't you have that school-issued one?"

"That one blocks Netflix."

Jay crossed his arms across his chest. "Homework, huh?"

"I'm just writing a paper. It's not like I'm doing math or reading something."

"What type of paper?" Hailey asked. "Because, I'm pretty sure that if it's a research paper, you need to focus."

"It's a narrative, so I don't need to be constantly focused, Mom."

"Makayla does the same thing," Adam said as he entered the office as well. "Let the kid have the laptop, Jay."

"Thanks, Adam."

"Uh," Jay groaned, "I guess."

"We also have a lead, so you wanna roll out after I give you the info?" Adam asked.

"Yeah. Sorry, Y/N, you need to go into the breakroom now."

"But why can't I stay in here?" you whined. "I want your spinny chair."

"Y/N, this is a case," your mom told you. "You know the rules: no being around the case talk. It's for your own good, we don't want to scar or scare you."

Mom, you know what I've seen, you wanted to tell her, but you knew it would be no use as your parents would never budge on this rule.

"I know, Mom."

Jay pulled his laptop from his desk along with the charger. "Rules?" he probed, holding onto the laptop and charger.

"Dad, I know the rules. Mom, c'mon, tell him."

"It's your dad's laptop, Y/N. I'm not arguing with you or him on this one."

Jay cocked his head to the side. "I'll give you the laptop after you tell me the rules...even though I know you know them."

You sighed. You went through this every time you used his laptop when he was going to be gone. "Only use my account, don't try to login to your account, and do not delete my search history."

"Here you go." He handed you his laptop and charger. "Good luck on your paper. Don't work too hard."

You went into the breakroom and opened the laptop. First, you pulled up Netflix, and then you pulled up your paper. It was your paper for your senior portfolio, which most people were putting off, seeing as you were only a freshman, you didn't need to work on it yet. But, you knew it had to be long, so starting it now would probably be helpful.

The paper was basically a narrative telling a story about each year of school. The stories had to be from two to five pages long, which meant that the paper in its entirety would be between 26 and 65 pages long. But, you didn't mind. It's not like you had to write a boring research paper. You also had to write about your career goals and one wish for your future as well, which would make the paper even longer still.

Seeing as your schooling didn't exactly match up with the American school system until you were around nine and in third grade, you had gotten permission from your teacher to just write about the sections of kindergarten, first, and second grade, as just memories from when you were six, seven, and eight years old.

You'd save the memories of six and seven for later, since you'd have to dig into the part of your brain where you were in the orphanage with your older sister, Illiana.

For now, you just scribbled down a few lines for ideas of when you were eight years old...which was pretty simple since a lot happened in your life that year.

***

"Y/N, we brought you some food if you--"

"Shut up!" Mouse hissed as the rest of the unit clambered up the stairs and into the bullpen. "She's sleeping."

Yes, when Mouse came home he returned to his job as the tech analyst of the Intelligence Unit. And, when Jay became sergeant, he pulled a few strings and got him a huge salary increase.

"I'll pull the car around front," Hailey offered.

"No," Jay whined. "That means I gotta be the bad guy and wake her up."

"Sorry, babe. I call dibs."

"Ew, guys, please keep the lovey-dovey nicknames to home. I don't need to see that," Adam joked.

"Shut up, Ruz."

Hailey swiped the keys from Jay's office and Jay went to wake you up. But, before he did, he saw the laptop, still open to both Netflix and your paper.

There wasn't much in the paper yet, as Jay had expected, only a few bullet points. His name caught his eye below the age 8 section...whatever that meant. He didn't mean to pry (well, really he did), but he closed the laptop without logging you out so that he and Hailey could take a look at it later.

"Y/N, Y/N, wake up."

You were woken up by someone gently shaking your shoulder.

"Quiero dormir, vaya," you whined. That was one thing you always did: reverted back to Spanish when you were tired. At least both Jay and Hailey understood it now because they had learned Spanish...which helped them with parenting because when they were mad at you, they'd talk in Spanish and that's how you know you were in deep shit.

"I know you want to sleep, and I'm not leaving," Jay answered. "But, we're going home so you can sleep in your bed instead of here."

"Mmmm, okay," you mumbled. You rubbed your eyes, but then decided it was too much work to get up, so you just sat up and closed your eyes once again.

"C'mon, cariña. Mom's got the car out front and then all you gotta do is stay awake until we get home, okay?"

"Mmmm," you mumbled and then stood up. He already had your backpack slung over his shoulder and was holding his laptop in the other hand. "Can I skip school tomorrow? I'm tired."

"Not a chance," Jay chuckled. "But, I can drive you to school and we can get you a frappucino on the way there."

"Mom won't be mad?"

"We don't have to tell Mom everything now do we?"

"No, we don't."

***

"What are you doing?" Hailey asked Jay as she slid into bed next to him that night. "Are you seriously checking our daughter's search history this late at night? C'mon Jay, she's a good kid. You won't find anything."

"That's not what I'm looking at. But, now that you mention it, I should probably check that, too."

"Then, what are you reading? Because I know for a fact that your case notes are definitely not as organized as that."

"Wow, Hails, you're so sweet," Jay said sarcastically. "It's Y/N's paper. The rubric was pasted at the top and it looks like she has to write about a memory from each year of her life and her career goals and a wish for the future."

"And you were snooping because...?"

"Because I saw my name. I wanna see what she says about us, Hailey."

"Jay, she loves us, baby. We're her parents. We both know that. You don't need to read her schoolwork to know that."

"Either way, I'm still reading it. Join me if you want, or go to sleep."

"Uh, fine. But if she asks, this was your idea and I will not hesitate to throw you under the bus."

Age 8, they both read to themselves, leaving/running away from orphanage

"God, no matter how many years it's been since she told us what happened, it never fails to break my heart," Hailey said.

Jay wrapped one arm around his wife. "I know, babe. I feel the exact same way."

"Hey, Y/N," the therapist started and you looked up at her. "Do you want to in that room over there and watch some tv while I talk to jay and Hailey? I can even turn on the Spanish movies for you."

"Okay!"

After getting you all set up, she left you in the room with a Spanish children's movie playing while she went to get Jay and Hailey.

"Jay and Hailey?" she asked as she entered the waiting room.

"Dr. Smith," Jay greeted.

"I have something to tell both of you, and Y/N told me it was okay that I tell you. When I asked if she wanted to be the one to tell you this, she said no because she didn't want to make you sad."

They entered the room where you had previously been and Dr. Smith sat in a chair and Jay and Hailey sat on the couch.

"What's this about?" Hailey asked.

"Well, she told me why she ran away from the orphanage."

Jay and Hailey were shocked. You'd been with them for three months and hadn't once mentioned why you ran away and what happened before Jay found you. It wasn't for lack of trying on Hailey and Jay's part, though. They tried. After all, they knew how to talk to child victims. But, they didn't want to push you too hard, and eventually, they just dropped the topic all together because they knew you'd talk about it when you were ready. Apparently, today was the day that you were ready to tell that story.

"And?" Jay pushed. "Why'd she run away?"

"She said that they came for her, the people who you were fighting," Dr. Smith said.

"Los Rebeldes," Jay said, more to Hailey than to anyone else.

"They came for her specifically?" Hailey asked.

"No, they just came to the orphanage. She said that she heard voices--male voices--telling them to get down on the ground and then some shots rang out. Her sister, Illiana, told her to hide and slipped the necklace around her neck. So, she did. She said she closed her eyes really tight and she just laid there, hiding and barely breathing. She said she heard a gunshot and then she heard Illiana scream and she heard squishing noises."

"Oh my God," Hailey gasped.

"You're saying they shot and killed her?" Jay asked, his voice cracking.

"That's what it sounded like, yes."

"How did she get out?"

"She said that she snuck out through a small door in the back of the room. She said it wasn't a real door, but it was a small door that led to the outside, by her description, it sounded about three feet tall and two feet wide."

"The waste doors," Jay muttered.

"The what?" Hailey asked.

"The waste doors...well, that's what we called them on Base anyway. They were these little doors where you could place stuff outside. Sometimes we'd put the packaging of our MRE's there or other crap we didn't need anymore. Not good for the planet, but yeah, that's what we did."

"So, Jay, you're telling me that Y/N essentially snuck out of the orphanage through a trash chute?"

"Well, we used them for waste, which is why we called them waste doors. But, I heard rumors of them being used at orphanages for parents to put their baby in a crib. They'd just open the door and place the baby in the little crib on the other side of the door."

"She moved the crib and snuck out through there?"

"If there was a crib, then she moved it and got out. If not, she just crawled out through there."

"Did she tell you anything about when she left?" Hailey asked Dr. Smith.

"She said that she didn't have much with her, just her teddy bear and that locket. But, she said that she walked for the rest of the day. And, according to her timeline, the soldiers came right after breakfast. She said she was really scared that they were going to find her and so she just kept walking. But then, she found a bit of a forest it sounded like and since it was starting to get dark and cold, she laid down."

"I found her in the middle of the night and she must've been there since sunset. No wonder she was hypothermic."

"We got her her first banana split after that therapy session," Hailey said. "I honestly don't know whether the food was to get her to try something new or to comfort us."

"Yeah, that was a rough night. I didn't even want her to leave my arms," Jay said. "Jay found me and I went home to Chicago," he read aloud. "Man, that night was rough, too. Probably worse than the night where we found out why she left."

"Now, it's crowded here, cariña so stay cerca to us or go mano a mano with me or Hailey, okay?" Jay asked you as the three of you found a parking spot at Navy Pier.

Adam, Kim, Kevin, and Will were all there as well. They had planned to go out and party and go to a bar when Jay returned home, but that changed now that he and Hailey had a kid to take care of, so they had decided to take a trip to Navy Pier.

In the airport, Jay had gotten a huge coffee from Starbucks, seeing as he had barely slept on the way home. Before coming to Navy Pier, you had gone to a place called iHOP where you had gotten some really yummy pancakes, and Adam, Kevin, and Will had made you laugh a lot and Kim spoke Spanish with you.

"What does that word mean?" you asked.

"What word?" Jay asked, looking down at you as he took your hand.

"Cr-crowded," you sounded out slowly.

"Uh, it means there's lots and lots of people."

"Oh, okay. I stay by you."

"So Y/N, what do you like to do?" Will asked you.

"I like reading and play fútbol," you told him.

"Really? Jay loves playing soccer!"

"We played back at the big house in España," you told Will excitedly. "We won and I got lots and lots of goals."

"Looks like you have a pro soccer player on your hands, little brother," Will said to Jay.

"Don't I know it."

"We go on the big thingy you showed me in the little book in the plane?" you asked Jay.

"The Ferris wheel?" You nodded excitedly. "We can do that, but let's walk around first. We might be able to play some games and win you a friend for Osito."

"Really? Osito have a friend?"

"Really," Jay promised.

As you walked down Navy Pier, you were excitedly pointing out every little thing you saw from the ducks and the seagulls to the big yachts floating down the Chicago River.

"Let's go into Garrett's, babe," Hailey suggested when they were inside the big atrium. "Give her a taste of Chicago's world-famous popcorn."

"I think that's a great idea," Jay agreed. "What do you think, cariña? Want to try some popcorn and then we'll get your favorite?"

You tilted your head to the side. "Popcorn? What is that?"

"Palomitas," Kim clarified for you in Spanish. "Hay muchos tipos diferentes de palomitas allí para probar y comprar."

"Oh, okay. Yes, please."

"What did you say to her?" Hailey whispered to Kim.

"Just gave her the Spanish translation of popcorn and then told her that there's a bunch of different types of popcorn that she can try and buy in there. But, you and Jay most definitely have your work cut out for you when it comes to learning Spanish. You're lucky that she's pretty good with English already and that I'm here to help you learn Spanish."

***

"Sleepy, cariña?" Jay asked as he heard you yawn from the backseat.

Hailey was driving and he was holding a big bag of caramel and cheddar popcorn...which Hailey was telling him not to eat all of it because she knew he would. You were in the backseat with your big stuffed bear, whom you had named Osita since she was a girl bear because she had really soft white fur and a pink ribbon tied around her. Jay had won that for you when he played a shooting game. You also had a stuffed duck that Will had won for you when he played a guess the weight game. You named him Pato...which meant duck in Spanish. You had gone on the Ferris wheel and had pointed out all the pretty things in the sky when you were up there. Hailey had never seen Jay so happy as when he was smiling wide at every little thing you pointed out and he tried to explain to you what they were.

"No," you answered as you laid your head against Osita. It was currently 3 pm Chicago time, which made it about 9 pm Spain time.

"Tell you what," Hailey started, "When we get home, we can show you your room, and then we can watch a movie and eat this popcorn. Because, if we don't start eating it soon, Jay will eat it all."

"Jay eat it all if we no eat it too?"

"Jay eats a lot," Hailey joked.

You reached your hand in front of you and towards Jay. "Palomitas please." Jay chuckled and Hailey smiled as he put some popcorn into your little outstretched hand. "Gracias."

"De nada," Jay told you.

"When we watch movie, how I get it?" you asked.

"We get it on the tv," Jay told you.

"No, how I know what they saying?"

Hailey hadn't thought that far ahead when she had suggested watching a movie. "Um," Hailey faltered. "We can make it so it's in Spanish."

"But then you no know what they say," you pointed out.

"We can put words on the bottom of the screen in English for us," Jay suggested. "Then all three of us will know what they're saying. Is that okay?"

"Okay!"

"Hailey," Jay whispered. "What are we gonna watch?"

"She's too old for princesses probably and way too young for action movies...how about Disney Channel movies? We could try High School Musical? That one's pretty good."

"You're kidding Hails. You watched that? Didn't it come out when we were like 20 or 25?"

Hailey held back a laugh. "Yes, it did. But, I babysat a lot of kids in my neighborhood who were around Y/N's age, and we'd always end up watching those Disney Channel originals."

"Okay, whatever you say, babe."

***

"I think I'm gonna bring her to bed," Jay said.

You had fallen asleep halfway through the movie. Before starting it, you had seen your room. It was purple! And, in black letters behind your bed, it said Salon de Y/N, which meant Y/N's room. Jay assumed that Kim had helped Hailey with the spelling and the boys had helped move the furniture into your room. There was also a little basket with a few things they thought you would like, such as a few different colored soccer balls and a bookshelf.

On the bookshelf, Hailey had picked out some books in Spanish that she had found at Barnes and Noble and some short chapter books in English that she used to read as a kid, such as the Nancy Drew series and Little House on the Prairie. She knew that you might need help reading them and might not be able to completely understand them all by yourself yet, but she knew that she and Jay would be there to help you.

"It's 6:00," Hailey protested. "Shouldn't we wake her up and have her stay awake for a few more hours so that her body can adjust?"

"If you're asking an adult like me that, yes, I'd stay awake. But, she's a kid. She needs her sleep. And, I'll probably be up before you anyway, so I can deal with her if she wakes us up at five in the morning."

"Okay super dad," Hailey joked. "Bring her to bed. I'll make us a quick dinner and cover this popcorn so it doesn't get stale. Can't wait for us to go to bed tonight." She winked.

"Hails, as much as I would love to take you up on that, I don't think it's a good idea when it's Y/N's first night. But, I will give you all the cuddles in the world tonight, don't you worry about that."

"As long as you didn't pick up the habit of snoring overseas then I'm all for that, babe."

***

Jay woke up to the sound of soft whimpering. It sounded like it was coming from the hallway but he couldn't be sure. He reached over Hailey and was about to grab her gun from her drawer where he knew that she kept it, but stopped when he remembered that it was probably just you. It wasn't just Jay and Hailey in the house anymore; you were there as well and that's probably where the noise was coming from. And, he didn't want to scare you by holding a gun.

He glanced over at the clock. 3 am. Yeah, sounds about right that you'd be waking up right about now since you'd slept for about nine hours and it was 9 am in Spain right now.

Jay slowly tiptoed out into the hallway, cursing himself that he hadn't left a light on or kept his and Hailey's bedroom door open so you could find them easily.

Jay reached out for the hall light switch and flicked on the lights, causing you to jump. "Hey, hey, it's just me. It's just Jay," he said calmly once he laid eyes on you. You were holding Osito and there were fresh tears running down your cheeks.

Jay never knew the force of an eight-year-old running into him could be so strong as to almost knock him over. You dropped Osito and wrapped your arms around him as if your life depended on it.

"It's okay, it's okay," Jay soothed. "What's wrong, cariña? Can you tell me what's wrong?"

"I-I no know where I was," you mumbled into his shirt. "Was dark. Think you and Hailey left, so I came to find you."

"Oh, sweetie," Jay started. "I'm sorry. I forgot to turn the light on for you in your room so that you'd know where you are. And, me and Hailey would never leave you."

"You promise?"

"I promise." Your stomach grumbled. "Hungry?" you nodded. "Alright, let's get you a sandwich and then get you back to bed."

"You eat too?" you asked.

"You know, I could go for a sandwich."

***

The next morning, Hailey rolled over to see that Jay wasn't in bed next to her and his side of the bed was cold. Then, she remembered you and walked over to your room and slowly opened the door. You looked up from the Spanish book you were reading and put a finger to your lips.

"Jay sleeping," you told Hailey.

Jay was sitting upright in your bed against the headboard, his thumb holding a place in what looked to be a Nancy Drew book.

"Did Jay read to you last night, huh?" Hailey asked as she walked closer to you and Jay.

"Yeah, he told me that Nancy does what you and Jay do with policia. Then, I sleep again and then I wake up and he sleep again, so I started reading in Spanish."

"I think we should let him sleep a little more while we go finish High School Musical and eat palomitas before Jay eats it all. Does that sound good?"

You nodded eagerly and closed your book. Then, you got out of bed and followed Hailey out of your room. And, after hearing that Jay had read to you and seeing him sleeping upright in your bed so that you'd be able to sleep, she had one more reason why she was truly head over heels for the man she married and got to call her husband.

"Look, Jay. She wrote her birthday in here for age 9," Hailey said as she pointed to the laptop screen.

"God, I don't think I'll forget that day for the rest of my life. It was such a good day."

"You are such a sap when it comes to Y/N."

"Hey! let me be sappy about our daughter, Hailey Anne. She's in high school now, high school. That means she'll be going off to college soon."

"Don't get too far ahead of yourself, sergeant," she joked. "Just keep reading this. It was your idea to snoop through her stuff after all."

"Jay, you got the stuff?" Hailey asked as she was sitting cross-legged on their bedroom floor with wrapping paper, tape, and scissors in front of her.

"Jesus, Hails," Jay laughed, "You make it sound like we're doing a drug deal."

"Well sorry if I want her birthday to go really well. Now, did you get them or not?"

"They're in here." He set a plastic bag down on the bed. He took out three framed pictures and laid them out on the bed. Of course, he made sure that the frames were different shades of purple. "Good?"

Hailey stood up and looked at the pictures. "I never know the CPD's sketch software could work miracles like this, so yeah, I'd say we did good."

Over the past month, everyone in Intelligence had told you that they were testing out a new sketch software to use to try to track down criminals. They let you play with it because they said they wanted to see what it would do...even though they knew what it did, how good it was, and it wasn't new. It was just a ploy to make sure they got your birthday gift right. They had told you to try and input someone's face from memory, someone like your older sister, Illiana.

So, when you had to go to the district for the day with Jay and Hailey, you'd ask to play with that software to work on your sketch. Little did you know, they were printing it out on fancy photo paper and putting it in a frame for your birthday. Jay had also swiped your necklace one day when you had taken it off to go swimming and had taken pictures of what your mom and dad looked like. Then, he and Hailey each took one parent and worked on making their faces through the CPD's sketch software.

"Now what the hell is this?" Jay asked as he held up a big board that Hailey had laying out in front of her as well.

"That, Jay, is so we can stick the back of the frames to it so that we don't have to give the three of them to her separately. Then, she can just take them off from it and place them wherever she wants in her room."

"You're smart. Maybe you should've gone to law school."

"Haha, very funny, Halstead. But then I wouldn't have met you."

"Eh, I beg to differ. You'd probably end up being some prosecution or defense attorney and then I'd have to testify, and after getting yelled at by you on the stand, I'd end up making an ass of myself and ask you out for a drink."

"Is that so?"

"That is very much so."

He walked up to her and grabbed her by the waist and she gave him a peck on the lips. "Hails," Jay whined. "Why'd you phone it in?"

"Because we have presents to wrap. Now, sit your ass down on the carpet and help me."

"Yes ma'am. But, damn, you're really going to be the death of me."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

***

"Before we do cake everyone, me and Hailey have one more gift for Y/N," Jay announced by tapping a fork gently against his champagne glass. Yes, the adults were drinking champagne because they were celebrating your first birthday with them as their kid. No, they wouldn't even give you one sip...but you didn't care and you didn't ask.

You had gotten spoiled all day. Will had taken you out for breakfast where you had gotten chocolate chip pancakes with all the toppings. Then, he took you to the sporting goods store where you bought an FC Madrid jersey and to Barnes Noble where you bought a few new books.

Then, when you got home, you were surprised to find everyone from Intelligence there along with some people from Med, and firehouse 51. Emilia, Mouse, and Makayla were there, and your friend, Rosa, whom Emilia had introduced you to earlier in the year at her welcome home party since Rosa was one of Emilia's little cousins.

You had gone outside and played a huge soccer game. And, when you got sick of playing soccer, Emilia busted out a makeup kit she had bought for you. And you, Makayla, Emilia, and Rosa did each other's makeup. While the four of you were doing makeup, a soccer tournament had broken out where Intelligence played Med, and then the winner of that game played Firehouse 51. Intelligence won against Med...mostly due to Jay. But, then they played 51 and they got creamed.

"Here you go, nena," Hailey said as she passed you the gift. Hailey had started calling you nena since Jay had a nickname for you, cariña, which you learned now meant sweetheart in English. So, she decided to call you nena, which meant honey. And, you and Hailey had thought it only fair if you came up with a nickname for Jay. So, the one you decided on was quite fitting in your mind: pecas...which translated to freckles. And, Will, well Will calls you Osa because your favorite animal is a bear. It's probably one of only three words he knows in Spanish next to hola and adios.

The gift was long and hard...like a piece of wood. You slowly opened the gift, wondering what else you could have possibly gotten.

You bit your lip as you finished tearing the paper off and flipped it over. "Mamí, Papí, Illiana," you whispered as you held back tears. "¿Cómo lo hicisteis?" you asked. Seeing as Jay and Hailey had been working very hard on their Spanish for the past nine months, they could understand you and could sometimes explain an English word to you in Spanish if needed.

"We didn't really need to test out the drawing thing," Jay answered. "We just needed a picture of Illiana. And, I got the pictures of your parents from the locket."

At this, you started to cry harder, remembering that day when Jay had to cut your necklace off of you in the back of the Med truck in Spain.

You stood up and hugged both Jay and Hailey at the same time. Now, you had both of your families watching over you: your biological family from in heaven and your parents in the here and now. And, your biological family now had no doubt in their mind up there that you would never, ever forget them.

"You remember what she called us that night?" Hailey asked.

"How could I forget? It was the first night she called us mom and dad. I still remember her exact words when I told her we weren't trying to replace her biological family: Son mi familia en el cielo y en mi corazon, pero vosotros sois mi familia aquí."

"They're my family in heaven and in my heart, but you are my family here."

"Exactly."

"Oh my God!" Hailey laughed. "She wrote sixth-grade: I cheated on a literature test and Mom had to come to pick me up and I got in trouble. And then, Dad went full-on dad-mode."

"No fucking way," Jay laughed as he brought the laptop closer to him and looked for the sixth-grade section. "I can't believe this is what she's going to write about!"

"Well, in her defense, it was the first time we had to ground her and the first time you went full-on, overprotective, my daughter can do no wrong dad-mode."

"Pretty sure the next time I'll do that is when she gets asked to the homecoming dance later this year."

"Jay! You will not! You will not scare the boys away from our daughter!"

"Well, they should be scared!" Jay argued. "We're both cops, babe. We can make their death look like an accident."

"Jay, what you're talking about is murder and I shouldn't have to remind you that that is illegal. If so, I am going to the Ivory Tower tomorrow to get you stripped of your sergeant title."

"Fine, fine. The next time I'll do that is when she gets her driver's license."

"Hey, on the bright side, we wouldn't have to pick her up from the principal's office then," Hailey pointed out. "She could just drive herself home."

"We wouldn't have to figure out which of us should go pick her up like last time?"

"Exactly. And I'm pretty sure she was thankful that it was you and not me who picked her up in sixth grade."

"Miss Halstead," your literature teacher said as she stalked over to you from the other side of the classroom. "Care to tell me what you have under your sleeve?"

"My arm?"

"I don't like being disrespected in my classroom. We both know you have your phone in there. And, lying to me will just make this worse."

"I-I needed it," you stammered, not wanting to have the whole class hear how stupid you were.

"For a test? You know the rules: no cheating. Principal's office, now. Grab your stuff. And, I'll be calling your parents as you walk down there."

You grabbed your backpack and started your walk to the principal's office. It's not like you had a choice...well, you did have a choice. You could've just not used your phone on the test. But, after that last grade you got on that essay and how weirdly worded the questions were, you basically had no choice but to use your phone. It's not like you were using it to look up the answers per se, but you were using it to try and understand the questions because there was no way you were going to ask that teacher.

"Mrs. Halstead, right this way," you heard the office secretary say as they led Hailey to the principal's office. Your phone was sitting on the principal's desk, the tab you had been using to cheat open and you were fiddling with the strings of your hoodie. You had thought about deleting your search history, but knew it wouldn't be of any use because Jay and Hailey would just be able to look it up with whatever police software crap that Intelligence had access to. You knew you'd be in more trouble if you deleted it and they found out that you were lying, so you decided you wouldn't delete it...even though you were regretting that decision as your phone screen stared back at you.

"May I ask why my daughter is in the principal's office when I thought she should be taking a test?" Jay and Hailey knew all about your literature test that day as you had read the book twice to be ready for it.

"That's exactly why she's in here, Mrs. Halstead," the principal told Hailey. "She was trying to cheat on her literature test."

"She wouldn't do that!" Hailey defended you. "She studied so hard!" She looked between both you and the principal, but your gaze stayed trained on the floor.

"Just take a look."

He passed Hailey your phone and she looked at the search history and the timestamps of said history. "Y/N, is this true?"

You nodded. Hailey sighed. "I'm assuming she's suspended?"

"Since this is her first academic infraction, I'm not going to suspend her. She does need to go home for the rest of the school day, though."

"Thank you. C'mon Y/N, let's go."

You hung your head as you left the middle school, Hailey holding your phone and still trying to figure out why you did this. But she knew that one thing was for sure: the minute Jay got home, he would not be happy.

***

"You're kidding me, right?" you heard Jay ask Hailey in the kitchen.

You were currently in your room, but the kitchen was right down the hall, so if you were quiet and focused enough, you could hear their conversation.

"I wish I was, Jay," Hailey said. "Just...here, take a look."

You assumed that Hailey was handing Jay the phone and he was looking at your search history.

Jay took a deep breath and restrained himself from shoving the chair into the kitchen table.

You heard his heavy footsteps coming down the hall and quickly locked your door and then sat back down on your bed.

You heard the doorknob jiggle as Jay tried to open your door.

"Y/N! ¡Abras la puerta inmediatamente!" (Open the door immediately!)

You were in deep shit if he was yelling at you in Spanish.

You didn't move from your bed.

"¡Ábrelo ahora!" (Open it now!)

"¡Estoy viniendo! ¡Calmáse!" (I'm coming! Calm yourself!) You got up from the bed and opened the door.

"Do not ever, ever tell me to calm down ever again! Do you understand me?" Jay asked angrily as he flung open your door after he had unlocked it. You nodded. "Now, I understand that you were caught cheating on a test. Care to explain that to me?"

"Not really," you sighed as you sat on your bed.

"I'm giving you one more chance to explain to me why you chose to cheat. And I suggest you tell me the truth, kid."

You looked up to be met with Hailey standing in the doorway. She nodded to you as if to say you better listen to your dad.

"Well?" he asked as he crossed his arms across his chest.

"I needed to cheat!"

"Nobody needs to cheat!"

"Well, I did!" You dug through your backpack and found the paper you had to write for the class that your teacher failed you on. "Because of this!" You threw the paper on your bed. "And because my teacher is a puta!"

"You do not call your teacher a bitch, young lady!" Jay yelled.

"Jay!" Hailey yelled. "Take the paper, go to our room and read it and calm down!"

"So Mom can tell you to calm down but I can't?"

Jay turned back to you, but Hailey grabbed his arm. "Bedroom Jay. Now." He left the room and Hailey turned to you. "As for you. You're grounded from your phone for the foreseeable future. Sorry, nena. Now, we'll be back to talk to you after we've read whatever it is you threw on your bed."

***

"We read the paper," Jay said as he and Hailey entered your room again fifteen minutes later. "And, I'm sorry for yelling. I know me and your mom are both detectives, but it'd look better if you told us why you cheated instead of leaving us to put the pieces together."

"I'm sorry, I really am. It's just, I failed that paper. And, I worked really hard on it. And, she said it wasn't a real tradition."

The paper topic was to write about a family tradition and you wrote about the Spanish tradition of eating grapes on New Year's Eve. With twelve seconds left of the year, you'd put a grape in your mouth for every second that passed. You'd try to get all twelve grapes in your mouth, but that was really hard. You wrote about the last time you did it with your family and your papí almost got all of them in your mouth while you only got three in your mouth since you were only three years old at the time.

One of the grading criteria for the paper was that it had to be a real tradition.

"She said that it wasn't a real tradition, Dad. She said that because she had never heard of it and that it sounded weird to her, that it wasn't real. So, she failed me. I also put some Spanish words in there, but I put the translations next to it. I thought it would make it more...what's the word? It's kind of like real? Like it'd make it more real to read? You know that word for it?"

"Authentic?" Hailey asked.

"Yeah, that. I thought it'd make it more authentic to read. And, I knew the material of the book. But, the questions were so confusing and I didn't want to ask her to clarify because she's mean."

"So you googled the questions to try to figure out what they were asking?" Hailey asked.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I really am. I just didn't want you to be disappointed in me and think that I've been here for four years and not know English."

"Oh, cariña." Jay crouched in front of you. "We'd never think that. I promise. And I know Mom would never think that either, right?"

"That's right," Hailey agreed.

"Now, I have to go make a phone call."

"You went off on that teacher, Jay! I don't think I've ever heard you that angry when you weren't in interrogation!" Hailey laughed.

"Well yeah! That teacher's logic and grading criteria were seriously flawed. And, you read that paper. It was really good. As Y/N put it that day, she really was a puta."

Hailey rolled her eyes.

"Wish for the future," Jay read aloud. "I wish that I could figure out why Los Rebeldes came to the orphanage and killed Illiana."

"I think that's enough snooping through her stuff for the day, babe," Hailey said, beginning to feel uncomfortable reading this. "Let's just go to bed."

"Yeah, I'm just gonna take a quick shower and I'll be back, okay? I love you." He gave Hailey a quick peck on the lips and made his way to the bathroom to take a shower.

"I love you, too."

But, Jay barely heard her. He was so lost in thought about how to get answers for you, for his daughter. Hell, he wanted those answers just as bad as you. What kind of sick bastard would come into an orphanage heavily armed and just kill innocent civilians and innocent children?

***

"Mouse," Jay said as he entered the bullpen the next morning, "I need your help with something."

"Jeez, Jay, you're late," Ruzek commented. "Where's Hailey?"

"It's her RDO. And, I promised Y/N a frappuccino because she had to wake up early for school and had to go to bed late last night because we were working a case."

"Does Hailey--"

"No, Adam. Hailey does not know that I gave our fourteen-year-old daughter sugar-laced coffee this morning. And, if you so much as say the words frappuccino, Jay, and Y/N in the same sentence, I will bump you back down to patrol so fast you won't know what hit you."

Jay started to walk towards the tech area where he assumed Mouse would be. His voice carried, so he hoped he'd heard him when he'd said he needed his help.

"Whose idea was it to give Jay all this power?" Adam asked rhetorically. "I think it's going to his head."

"I heard that Ruz!"

"You needed something, Jay?" Mouse asked as he turned around from his laptop and took a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, can you do something off the books for me?"

"You don't even have to ask anymore, man."

"Just need to make sure you don't assign a case number to it."

"I can do that. Now, what do you need?"

Jay pulled out his phone and pulled up a Spanish newspaper article from two weeks ago. He laid the phone in front of Mouse. "This. This is why I need you."

Mouse looked at the phone and back up at Jay with raised eyebrows. "I'm gonna need you to translate that. I don't speak Spanish."

"Says that the guy who killed everyone in the orphanage that Y/N was in is meeting with his lawyer about an appeal. That son of a bitch. And, it's happening on Monday."

"He's meeting with his lawyer on Monday or you'll know if he won the appeal or not on Monday?" Mouse asked.

"He's meeting with his lawyer on Monday."

"And you need me because...?"

"Think you can hack into Spain's maximum-security federal prison system?"

"You cannot be serious."

"I am dead serious, Mouse."

"Why don't you just wait to hear the news?"

Jay sighed and took a seat next to Mouse. "Y/N has to write a paper and was using my laptop. It was this narrative thing for her senior project, so it's due in a few years. But, I'll spare you the details. Y/N had to write what one of her wishes for the future was and she wrote that she wants to know why the guy killed everyone in the orphanage. Not who, because we already know that it was Raúl Rodríguez. She wants to know why."

"That guy's the one who told them to attack the orphanage? The one that killed her sister, right?"

"That's the prick."

"Okay, I'll see what I can do. I'd know that if it was my sister or my kid that I'd want to know."

"Thanks, man."

"Video and audio?"

"Yeah. I'm probably gonna get Emilia in on this too to translate."

"Why? Don't you and Hailey speak Spanish?"

"We do, but they're gonna talk really fast and I probably don't know law lingo except for the word lawyer."

"Fair enough. I'll get to work."

***

"Hails, Hails," Jay shook Hailey awake.

"Jay? Why are you home so late?" she asked as she rolled over and opened her eyes. It was almost 11:30 and she had gone to bed half an hour ago...she thought Jay would've been home by 11:00.

"Paperwork," Jay answered honestly. He instantly regretted his decision of waking Hailey up knowing her history of insomnia. "But, I shouldn't have woke you up. I'm sorry, babe."

"No, I'm awake now. What's up?" She sat up in bed and turned on the lamp to see Jay changing out of his clothes and into his pajama pants and an old t-shirt. "You don't have to sleep with a shirt on you know."

Jay smirked. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? But, don't want our daughter to walk in on me shirtless."

"She's spending the night at Rosa's," Hailey informed him.

"In that case..." Jay trailed off and took off his t-shirt along with his pajama pants so that he was just in his boxers. "Better?"

"Much better."

Jay pulled back the covers on his side of the bed and slid in next to his wife. She cuddled into his side and he wrapped an arm around her.

"What'd you want to tell me?" she asked.

"How do you know I wanted to tell you something?"

"You had that look in your eye, Jay Halstead. Now, tell me."

"So persuasive." He rolled his eyes playfully.

"Shut up."

"You love it, though." He gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "You know how Y/N's biggest wish was to know why Raúl Rodríguez attacked the orphanage?"

"Mhmm," she mumbled.

"Well, I'm gonna find out why."

She pulled away from him. "What? How? You're going to Spain? To interrogate him? You know the CPD doesn't have jurisdiction there even though you were a ranger there, right?"

"Hails, I'm not going overseas to find him. I promise you that."

"Okay." She settled back into his embrace. "Then what are you doing?"

"Having Mouse see if he can hack into the prison system so that I can watch the lawyer talk to him."

"And you're going to be able to understand everything they're saying?"

"No, but Emilia will."

"You called her and told her your plan before you told me?"

"No! The only person who knows is Mouse. I figured I'd call Emilia tomorrow. Like I said, I was just at the district late doing paperwork."

"Okay, I believe you. And, we're not going to have her in the room with us, Y/N that is? We're going to tell her why he did this so she doesn't have to hear it from him?"

"Precisely. Now, am I right in assuming that since Y/N's gone for the night that we can be as loud as we want?"

"You are very much correct in that." Then, he gave her a kiss...and this time, he didn't phone it in at a peck.

***

You were sitting in the breakroom Monday afternoon trying to do some American history homework. There was so much reading involved, but it was okay because you liked history. And, there were pictures in the textbook...it wasn't like you were reading Romeo and Juliet like you had to do in English class.

You knew Emilia was here because she had brought you some fries, much to your mom and dad's dismay since your mom had packed you a few extra snacks. But, Emilia said she had to hold up her reputation as your cool aunt...even if she wasn't related to you whatsoever. And so far, she was holding it up.

You didn't know why she was here, but you assumed it was because Kim was in the field and they needed someone to translate audio. Sometimes Jay would call in Emilia if he knew that she wasn't working to do some translating so he didn't have to deal with calling up a patrolman. You also knew from hearing some of his conversations with Will that Will wanted to ask her out.

And, you hoped she say yes. You wanted Emilia to be your actual aunt. Apparently, she had a thing for doctors according to Jay's side of the phone conversations you'd heard, so you hoped it'd work out if your uncle Will ever got the balls to ask her out.

All of a sudden, Emilia came into Jay's office and he took off running. Hailey saw this and she started following them.

"What?" you asked yourself.

They always would tell you if they had to leave and they'd always be sure to tell you they loved you before they left.

You quietly walked out of the breakroom and towards where you had seen them running to. You assumed they were in the tech area because of the direction they ran in and the fact that whenever Emilia was here, she was most likely in the tech room.

As you got closer, you started hearing Spanish.

Someone talking about an attack...an attack on an orphanage.

A man said it was in the Tabernas Desert.

You peeked your head around the corner to see that on the screen there was a man in a nice suit and someone sitting at a table with handcuffs on.

"Anything we don't already know?" Hailey asked.

"Not that it sounds like right now," Emilia answered. "They're just talking about the orphanage Y/N and Illiana were in and where it was."

So this is the guy who did it. This was the guy--no, the monster--who led the attack that killed your sister.

"The lawyer just asked Rodríguez why he did it," Emilia said.

"And?" Jay asked

"Jay, I need to be able to hear them talk, so shut up."

Jay held his hands up in a sign of surrender.

"The lawyer just asked if it was something personal, something like Rodríguez being an orphan and he didn't have a good experience there so he attacked it, something that would tug at the board of appeals heartstrings essentially." There was a pause as Emilia continued listening. "He said no." She paused again. "Oh my God."

"What?" Jay asked frantically. "Why did that prick kill innocent children?"

"He said he ordered the attack because the orphanage was receiving aid from the US, for things such as food, clothing, and basic necessities."

"Un-fucking-believable." Jay wanted to punch something, but he restrained himself. "So, because our country was helping those who couldn't help themselves, this prick went after them?"

"That's what it sounds like. I'm sorry, Jay."

"Hails, how are we going to tell Y/N?"

"You guys don't have to tell me," you said as you made your presence known. "I heard the whole thing."

Jay sighed. "I'm sorry cariña, really I am. I'm sorry that this happened to you. That you had to find out this way. That this was the reason for what that monster did. I'm sorry."

"Dad read my outline?" you asked, turning to Hailey.

"Yeah, nena, he did. It was just open and you know him, he couldn't stop himself."

"Because he's a detective before he's a sergeant, just like Nancy Drew," you said, bringing it back to the books you'd used to read with your dad every night when you had just come over to the states from Spain and were working on your English.

"This should never have happened," Jay said softly as he walked over to you and brought you into a tight hug. "People that do these kinds of horrific acts shouldn't have the right to be born, much less to live."

"But if that wouldn't have happened you wouldn't have found me. And I wouldn't have found my forever Mom and Dad."

A/N: I wrote over 6.5k words to get this posted today! That's a new personal record for me! Also, my neuroscience class is kicking my butt right now, so if I don't update as frequently, that's why. Hopefully, I'll get one out every week or every two weeks at the latest. Please like/reblog and comment because I love getting feedback and it keeps me motivated to write. If you want to be added to the taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you!

taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e

#jay halstead #jay halstead imagine #will halstead #ranger! jay #chicago pd #writer #writing #fanfic #fanfiction #imagine #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd fanfic #chicago pd fanfiction #jay halstead fanfiction #jay halstead fanfic

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stillness-in-green · 3 years

Text

MVA In Memoriam (4/5)

The Comprehensive Account of the Butchering of My Villain Academia

(Introduction and Part One, Episode 108: My Villain Academia) (Part Two, Episode 109: Revival Party) (Part Three, Episode 110: Sad Man's Parade)

Part Four, Episode 111: Origin: Shimura Tenko

Chapter 233 – Bright Future

• Twice clearly having arranged a Skeptic puppet to where its arm can be used as a pillow for Toga’s neck. A cute little character detail while also being kind of disturbing? Very on-brand for the League! A not-immediately-plot-crucial visual of a member of the League demonstrating obvious care for another member? The guillotine awaits!

• A little explanation about how clones’ physicality and memories work relative to the last time Twice saw the people the clones are based on. This is a very useful little nod of explanation to something that remained unclear from the dialogue of Mr. Clone-press last chapter. Twice’s quirk is pretty arcane in its ins and outs, frankly, and the clearer those details are, the fewer plot holes you’re leaving for later.

• The scene of Skeptic being right on the verge of confronting Twice. Skeptic has, oh, about five moments where he’s obviously a big tense neurotic who’s unpleasant to be around if things aren’t going his way, and the anime deleted or downplayed all but two of them. As ever, it’s obscenely damaging to the characterization of the MLA cast, who we have little enough time with as it is. Further, it was a particularly weird choice to make with Skeptic, who is as of this writing the only major MLA character who’ll emerge still free and active from the War Arc. Why shaft the characterization of the one of new characters who’s going to be getting the most attention out of any of them in the next arc, with yet more scenes yet to come after?[1]

• A full page’s-worth of Spinner’s rationalizations on targeting Trumpet and ordering the Twice doubles to do the same. This lays out the details on why targeting Trumpet stands to relieve some of the load on Shigaraki. It isn’t because Trumpet’s quirk makes the crowds more dangerous, though that is true. Spinner targets Trumpet because he’s seen enough to know that attacking the MLA’s leaders gets them crazy riled up; he knows that if he makes himself a threat to Trumpet, then all Trumpet’s followers’ attention will shift focus to Spinner, leaving Shigaraki with less to deal with. Spinner also knows that that is ludicrously dangerous to him personally, given his weak quirk, but he actively makes that choice anyway, because that’s how much he’s devoted himself to Shigaraki without (yet) quite articulating the nature and reasons for that devotion. Targeting Trumpet without any of that reasoning made for a perfectly sound tactical decision, but it missed the regard Spinner shows the unnamed mobs of the MLA, and it really missed the probable savage beatdown and even possible death that Spinner consciously chooses to risk for Shigaraki’s sake. Of course, a chunk of what the episode deleted is flashbacks to scenes the anime also cut, so they couldn’t figure into Anime!Spinner’s reasoning. This does not excuse yet more cuts to Spinner’s arc and characterization; it only adds to how badly the anime maimed him. Also, on a less salty but still confused note, deleting all the Twice clones from the beginning of the scene and just having Spinner running along a wall past mobs of people instead of laboriously fighting his way through the street to the van was really dumb. Why did all those MLA people just stand there and let him run by? Where did all the Twice clones that just helped save Spinner from a huge flurry of long-distance attacks disappear to? Come on.

• Trumpet’s thought that using Sevens Loud will draw every bit of strength from their warriors, but that it’s necessary. Setting aside that it looks far less necessary when there hasn’t been a crowd of Twice clones fighting Trumpet’s people this whole time, just Spinner by his lonesome, we still lost quite a bit to this cut. Firstly, a nuance on the trade-off Incite gives—that its stat-boost is temporary, and that it’s borrowing from the future to pay for the present, a stock that is limited and a bill that will come due when the effect wears off. Secondly, it’s another demonstration that the MLA leaders aren’t just thoughtlessly wasting their followers’ lives; they’re very consciously doing cost/benefit analysis on how much danger their people are in versus what stands to be gained by the potential exertion or outright deaths those people will suffer. It’s cold reasoning, yes, but that’s how the Liberation Army operates: not for the personal gain or lackadaisical ease of the people on top—Trumpet would just have been in the tower speaking through city-wide loudspeakers, if that were the case—but for the advancement of the group’s ideals. It also just grants Trumpet some interiority, but of course the anime can’t have that.

• The note in Trumpet’s meta-ability explanation that the more his voice causes the air to vibrate, the stronger Incite’s effect. This is—good god, it is literally the entire design mentality behind Sevens Loud! Sevens Loud purpose isn't to make his voice louder so more people can hear him (which I would think is the most logical assumption an anime-only person would make as to why he puts it on); it’s to make himself louder because being louder enhances the boost. It’s about the quality of the effect, not the quantity of targets. This is why Trumpet has the thought about how using Sevens Loud will drain the strength reserves of his people. There’d be no correlation there if Sevens Loud were only about boosting his range.

• When Spinner got porcupined in the anime, they did a close-up on his face, possibly to avoid the gore of showing the spines piercing through his forearm. That’s fine, but they also emphasized the reaction by having him lose his grip on the huge fuck-off knife he had clutched in his teeth. In the manga, sure, he yells in pain, but he doesn’t lose the knife. Indeed, he gets the guy off him by slashing at him with it—a shot the anime dropped. So Spinner doesn’t even get to keep displays of his pain tolerance, a trait he doubtless improved during those six weeks against Machia. Why does the anime hate Spinner so much, you guys? Why did it go out of its way to make him look lamer, when Dabi and Toga were out there getting anime-original flourishes to make them look cooler?

• Spinner’s thoughts, “When I get inspired to act, I don’t know what the heck I’m doing! I’m just a loser jumping on a bandwagon. Or at least that’s what it looks like.” A humorous bit of self-awareness from Spinner here. The anime got at the self-awareness. The humor, as we’ll see, not so much.

• Spinner’s thoughts, “Look at me. Look at me!! With all that prejudice in your eyes!” Hah hah, laughed BNHA the anime nervously, what prejudice are you talking about, Spinner? No idea what you could possibly be referring to there! This one’s particularly annoying because, while one might think that the anime was just dodging the heteromorphobia angle it eradicated all references to back at the beginning of the arc, the prejudice line isn’t even about heteromorphobia, not really. See, the Japanese line there literally translates to, “With those colored glasses!”—to see with colored glasses being a Japanese idiom for seeing something from a biased viewpoint. So aside from being a wordplay jab at Trumpet’s choice in eyewear, it’s also about Trumpet’s expressed view that Spinner, having been a shut-in with a weak quirk who decided to take his resentment out on the world, can’t possibly amount to anything much. So, what, did the people in charge of making those cuts think Trumpet was right? Why even keep the line where he disparages Spinner if you’re not going to let Spinner call it what it is? He’s not calling out fantasy racism there, anime! He’s calling out the bias against weak quirks that even the good guys in this world sometimes partake in! Possibly it’s because non-villains in the world[2] sometimes use reasoning that leads logically to quirk supremacism that the anime got gunshy with it, or it was more reluctance to give the villains—and the Too-Real Iguchi Shuuichi especially—moral ground for accusations against their society that get too close to real life. Whatever the motivation, it’s a bullshit cut.

• Shigaraki calling RD “Detnerat,” presumably because he neither knows RD’s real name nor cares to dignify him by using his code name. The anime, again, made neither the connection nor Shigaraki’s recognition explicit, so it lost the specificity and pettiness of that little snub.

• A little exchange between Giran and a Twice clone as they flee. It doesn’t give you much you wouldn’t assume just from seeing them flee, but it always feels more immediate and empathetic when the characters talk and you can see their expressions, instead of just a quick shot of them from behind as they run away in complete silence. Heck, running away in complete silence is actively out of character for Twice!

• Because the anime has some kind of aversion/restriction on showing hand-related violence, it radically changed how Shigaraki lost his fingers,[3] resulting in the loss of several important shots. To the best of my parsing, in the manga, when Re-Destro makes that first big jump to avoid Shigaraki’s decay wave, he comes back down specifically aiming for Shigaraki’s outstretched left hand, spread wide and flat on the ground. Shigaraki tries to evade (you can see the blur of his left arm in the panel where RD lands), but either RD does manage to clip the hand or he simply hits the ground with so much force that the sheer explosive burst of rock shreds Shigaraki’s hand and part of his coat sleeve. Being so much larger, RD then simply snags Shigaraki by the wrist before he can get out of range. It’s very fast, a burst of speed and violence, and very different (read: cooler) from Shigaraki flipping end over end in slow motion in a way that seemed to imply visually that he was thrown well out of RD’s grabbing range. As to the shots we lost? I counted three. First, Hana’s hand crumpling amidst all the flying debris. Second, that big dramatic panel of Shigaraki’s maimed hand ribboning blood into the air as the narration box finally drops Re-Destro’s identity and code name. Third, the shot of him catching Shigaraki, almost delicately, between one thumb and forefinger and delivering the, “Was it this hand that committed such evil acts?” line—a clear threat to what of that hand Shigaraki has remaining—as we find out what his meta-ability is. This is all hugely dramatic in the manga, because, of course, readers always assumed Shigaraki needed all five fingers to activate his quirk, and here Re-Destro nigh-effortlessly robs him of fully half his capacity to use it. It’s a shocking turn-around and instantly ups RD’s threat level by allowing him to permanently maim Shigaraki in a way that no one, hero or villain, has done before or since. Robbing Re-Destro of the immediacy of that seemingly devastating blow—inflicted within moments of meeting the real Shigaraki—did immeasurable damage to his credibility as an arc boss. The shot in the manga is also just arresting visually, with RD finally getting to properly loom over Shigaraki. Most of the shots up to this point have been framed such that, while RD is obviously bigger, he and Shigaraki have still been moving and fighting in a pretty level way. This is the first place where the viewer is situated so squarely behind Shigaraki that they can really feel how massive RD is in comparison. It’s certainly a more impressive visual than this mess—thanks, anime; thanks, whatever broadcasting standards forced overworked and uninspired animators to undertake a redraw of RD’s quirk reveal panel when every other member of the MLA brass had theirs carried over directly from the manga.

• A chapter-ending cliffhanger of Slidin’ Go helping direct traffic on the outskirts of Deika and the warning rumble as Gigantomachia approaches. Aside from being a nice little tension boost—Will Gigantomachia roll up just in time to see Re-Destro making a mess of Shigaraki? Who will he target? Will Shigaraki ever be able to win him over if he sees a scene like that?—it’s good foreshadowing for what the news reports will eventually be saying. Remember, the claim is that a bunch of villains lured Deika’s heroes away and then attacked the city while it was defenseless; that’s why we never see any of the MLA’s heroes involved with the fight once it starts. And now, here, we find out where they’ve been the whole time: making sure no outsiders get in who might be able to undermine that narrative.

Framing Shifts

• Once again had an MLA member using their Detnerat item say its name out loud, when it’s clear in the manga that they’re just thinking the names internally. Once again, it was kind of silly.

• When Spinner flashes back to watching Stain on TV and being inspired, the manga uses a shot of Stain’s face, snarling and defiant. The anime used—a shot of Stain from behind, only visible from the shoulders to the knees, hunched so that his lower back and ass were towards the camera. Bones… What exactly were you implying lit Spinner’s fire there? Or did you just not have the time or budget to go pull Stain’s reference sheets for drawing his face?

• A tone issue, but a major one: Spinner should be grinning, face alight with accusatory challenge, as he hurls his accusations of the MLA/Trumpet being the same bandwagon-jumping nobodies that he is. This is the moment in the manga where we see Spinner truly throw his hesitations and his doubts to the wind and embrace Shigaraki’s nihilistic fervor and the beauty, value and profundity of emptiness. So what if I’m empty? So what if he wants emptiness? Who cares about other peoples’ ideals if their ideals leave no room for me? It’s not a heroic triumph, but it’s a triumph all the same, and losing Spinner’s smile made the moment far too bitter.

• Meanwhile, in exactly the opposite problem, Shigaraki by this point is not smiling. In fact, he’s barely on his feet, swaying violently in place with accompanying sound effects. While his words are openly mocking, he seems to wholly lack the energy to back them up with his usual verve. The anime didn’t have him smiling, admittedly, but the whole time the ‘camera’ wasn’t directly on his face, his voice actor was reading the lines with an uneven, chuckling cadence that suggested Shigaraki was seconds away from breaking into howls of laughter. He was also, of course, impossibly clean, at a point at which his manga counterpart is muddy, bloody and tattered from the horrifically extended combat he’s been living for six weeks. It’s stuff like this that made it so impossible to take the Army or even Machia as much of a threat in the anime, when, other than the red cords on his hands being broken, Shigaraki looked absolutely no different than usual.

Additions

• Gave Spinner a tiny bit of new animation when he got mobbed by people hopped up on Incite. It was nice, but if they were going to give him a flourish, I’d rather it have come when he swipes Porcupine Dude off him with a combat knife. Or, you know, just kept the bit of him telling the Twices to attack and his reasoning on why.

• Cut inside briefly to show a ballerina girl dancing through a darkened apartment right before she sliced a neat circle out of the wall. I love it, A+, exactly the kind of expansion on the action of the manga I wanted to see. My only complaint is that her manga self looked more like Pearl from Steven Universe.[4] XD

• A quick new shot of RD when Shigaraki was hounding him about his feelings. His teeth were visibly gritted, the corners of his mouth pulled down. It stands out because there’s only one shot of RD there in the manga, and in it, he’s smiling, close-mouthed and calm. The anime copied said shot, smile and all, then cut away, and when it cut back, Re-Destro had a totally different expression on his face. Baffling. Anime!RD having a dour scowl everywhere manga!RD is smiling in a tight, controlled way was all over the fight scene, and it detracted from the sense of RD’s menace every time.

Chapter 234 – Destruction Sense

• The illustration(s) accompanying Re-Destro’s, “Let’s not judge people by their quirks,” line. The pictures are cute, but the real loss there was the note informing us that they’re excerpts from a children’s book published by Shoowaysha—Curious’s outfit—called Quirks and Us. That’s a very concrete illustration of the kinds of things the MLA is getting up to in the world, and an equally concrete thing an anime-only viewer lost. Of course, that viewer never even found out Curious was in publishing, so it wouldn’t have meant anything on that front, but there is one other thing I think is notable: the way that book implies that the only people explicitly pushing a “don’t judge other people by their quirks” message are the radical Liberationists. See, the rest of the story touches on the virtues of a nonjudgmental attitude here and there, but actually finding people willing to say it out loud is—unprecedented, I think. Deku comes across situations where he could say something like that multiple times and he never, ever does—not to Shouto, nor to Shinsou, nor to Eri, nor to the giant fox lady. And that’s not even touching on Shouji’s mask, or the discrimination Spinner faced, or the CRC “losing support” without being declared illegal. I think the manga itself is against judging people by their quirks, but it’s interesting that it doesn’t make its characters into mouthpieces to say as much. This is because its characters are thoroughly enmeshed in a society that very much does judge people by their quirks, regardless of whether or not it will say that doing so is bad or rude or prejudiced. Re-Destro and the MLA aren’t immune, of course—Re-Destro himself says that quirks are linked to personality—but they adhere to a different set of values than the larger society does. While Hero Society talks about quirks in terms of being heroic and/or useful versus villainous and/or useless, the MLA spectrums instead emphasize how capable a person’s quirk is of helping them exert their will and how ambitious the quirk’s bearer is in that exertion. That is, their ethics are less about morality and utility-to-society than they are about aspiration and utility-to-self.[5] Both worldviews have their pros and cons, but that, I think, is what the children’s book is getting at when it says not to “judge”—don’t assign an arbitrary moral value to a quirk; judge a person by their actions. And isn’t it interesting, that the only explicit verbal statement of that value comes from the leader of a radical cult descended from a famous insurrectionist quoting a children’s book published by a member of selfsame radical cult? The value is not ever stated by a member of the heroic cast, so are we to assume that the heroes don't actually believe it? Do people profess to believe it but everyone knows it’s only for courtesy’s sake, with only the MLA willing to breach that wall of “things we don’t talk about in polite society” to actually talk about it in anything other than platitudes? Obviously, you lose this entire line of discussion when the "don't judge people by their quirks" value is just never mentioned at all.

• The phrase, “In that case,” from RD’s, “You will never measure up to me.” It establishes continuity to what RD was saying before. He’s not taking breaks from talking while Shigaraki has flashbacks; the two are happening concurrently.

• RD’s, “Cracking apart…?” reaction to his Decayed fingertip, and the dripping blood from the injury. I’m not hugely fussed about the former, but I like the latter as indicative of what Re-Destro’s Stress powers actually do. That is to say, he isn’t covering himself in a thick shell of Stress power or something; his Stress powers make him physically larger, infusing his body and swelling his size. That’s why he bleeds when Shigaraki touches his fingertip. Admittedly, the size distinction was more obvious in the anime, where the audience watched RD’s shoulders inflate like balloons last episode, compared to the manga, where you don’t get in-between animation. Still, given that RD still has that wound even when he goes back down to normal size, and is still wearing bandages for his speech a week later,[6] it’d be nice to mark the severity of the wound with a bit of blood. Oddly, the anime did keep the wound for the crater scene, visible red slices opened in the flesh along the length of his finger, very obviously the sort of injury that would have bled upon being first sustained. Maybe RD ran afoul of whatever the studio mandate is on when Decay has a dust effect and when it leaves gore? (More of that later.)

• Shigaraki’s, “Mother!” for the first panel we see of her. It’s obvious enough who she probably is, but odd that we got a whole bunch of narration for Hana, and likewise an acknowledgment of his grandparents, but not even a single word for Nao.

• Very significantly drops the grandfather’s, “Eating yummy things helps make the sadness go away.” Grandpa’s not just randomly handing Tenko his favorite snack in that memory—he’s trying to treat some kind of grief or wrong without actually addressing the wrong, opting to just put a flavorful band-aid on it. That could be fine if it were something outside Grandpa’s control, but we’ve already gotten some early hints from Hana’s phrasing that things are not okay in the household, and thus the grandfather’s attempt to bribe Tenko with sweets is just as ominous a sign of what’s to come as the grandmother’s attempt to guilt him into not crying lest he make her cry too.

• A little shot of Shigaraki stirring in the rubble when RD answers the phone. It’s a nice demonstration of their size difference, especially comparing both of them to Machia, who we just saw tearing through buildings like the kaiju his theme music declares him to be.

Framing Shifts

• When Shigaraki narrates that Hana always took him by the hand when he got weepy, she actually does take his hand in the manga, her fingers wrapped around his, his clasped over hers. It emphasizes that this is what he can’t do anymore, simply hold hands with people, the innocence lost aspect, and it suggests the closeness he once had with his sister. In the anime, she reached out a hand but wound up taking him by the wrist instead, his hand splayed open beneath hers. This suggested, albeit very implicitly, that maybe that innocence was something he never had from the beginning; it also suggested less reciprocity in his relationship with Hana. Even though Tomura said in narration that their hands were joined, what we saw was that Hana just pulled him where she wanted him and he didn’t fight her on it, not that he held her hand in return. Alternatively, the anime could have been drawing a parallel to how her hand would eventually be gripping his wrist in a much different context (a more necrotic one, for starters) later in life, though if that's what they were going for, they could have stood to tweak the dialogue so it actually matched the onscreen action. (Credit to @robotlesbianjavert and @aysall respectively for these two theories!)

• Shigaraki still having his fingers when Re-Destro squeezed his hand made RD look like a real moron. I assume the intention was that he assumed he’d done enough damage—broken bones, torn ligaments, etc—to prevent Shigaraki from being able to move his hand in more than spastic twitches, but like, if all it takes is a hard enough spasmodic clench to dust you, you are playing much riskier games than the MLA is generally portrayed as favoring. (Not that the anime kept many of the scenes that demonstrated all the planning and prep that the MLA did as groundwork for their attack, as I have complained about at length.) In the same sequence, Anime!RD turned and bodily hurled Shigaraki away from him, while Manga!RD threw him a similar distance with nothing more than a flick of a finger. Anime, why you gotta make Re-Destro look so lame all the time?

Additions

• Just one episode prior, the anime managed to turn in an entirely reasonable assemblage of swiping and dodging between Shigaraki and Re-Destro while RD was rambling on about the Mother of Quirks. What the hell was the excuse for this episode’s ridiculous shot of Shigaraki literally running circles—big, broad circles—around RD multiple times in the time it took RD to finish one (1) thought? For heaven’s sake, if you don’t have the budget for flashy, just use slow motion or more flashback animation or something. I know there’s more leeway for long thoughts in manga, where the reader understands that thoughts are moving far faster than action, and that it can be hard to bridge that gap for anime, where motion is motion but voice acting still has to rattle its way to the end of a sentence. I understand that measures have to be taken to account for that. Still, I promise, something that just looks a bit padded is much preferable to something that looks outright dumb.

• I admit to having found huge Stress monster RD pulling out a teeeeeny-tiny cellphone very funny—even more so the distinct cracking sound it made when Skeptic reported in bad news and RD’s fingers tightened infinitesimally—but the manga suggests fairly strongly that RD’s just answering on some kind of earpiece or micro-receiver, the same kind of thing Ujiko hands out and that Skeptic is associated with on multiple occasions. It’d be nice if RD could have kept more of the jokes he actually makes, the ones that stem from his native good humor, rather than the anime making up new ones based entirely in the contrast of Re-Destro and the viewer’s expectations of Re-Destro.

Chapter 235 – Shimura Tenko: Origin

• The man at the door, whom Nao is apologizing to at the beginning of the Tenko flashback and the apparent reason Tenko got busted for playing hero. I don’t love the way deleting this obscured that Tenko, in some fashion, troubled someone to lead to Kotarou dragging him down the hall (the anime also dropped Kotarou’s subsequent line, “Causing trouble?!” that’s supposed to supplement his, “Playing hero again?”), but it’s not like the manga doesn’t imply that the same thing would happen for any hero-based rules infraction, regardless of whether it troubled strangers or not. No, the much, much funnier thing to me is how it just fuckin’ torpedoed the most obvious thing people point to when they posit that All For One gave Tenko Decay, kicking off the entire tragedy: the man at the door with the conspicuously shadowed face and the even more conspicuously AFO-like suit and dress shirt with the top button unfastened. Listen, I hate that theory and what it would do to the narrative of Shigaraki Tomura/Shimura Tenko as Hero Society’s long-overdue reckoning, the villain they can’t put down and the victim they can’t silence, so watching the anime summarily cut out the scene that really kicked the theory into overdrive was very validating! Conversely, I still can't deny that it's a plausible theory, so if it does turn out to be true, that means the anime shot itself in the foot on the most obvious bit of foreshadowing this side of AFO addressing Tenko by name when he finds him in the alley. The schadenfreude of that would also be very funny. Really, unlike every other cut this season, I regard this one as win-win for my personal experience with the anime. Incidentally, I was very prepared to complain about the anime dropping all the changes of clothes the Shimura family goes through over the course of the flashback—I regard the timelapse as one of the major points against the AFO Gave Tenko Decay theory, since it’s never taken a quirk bestowed by AFO multiple days, maybe even multiple weeks, to kick in before—but it turns out I��m a lot less bothered about them not taking the time to change the side characters’ clothes when the anime also deletes the dude at the door who is the only reason I care about clarity re: how much time the flashback covers! But just for the record, while they had more outfits than I was expecting them to, the family did go through fewer changes of clothes in the anime than in the manga.

• The full echo of the line about kids being sneaky and simple in favor of Narrator!Shigaraki just letting out this exhausted, rueful, “Ahhh, kids are…” I actually rather like it. It’s a clear reference back to the earlier line without having to restate the whole thing, and Uchiyama Kouki’s delivery is really excellent.

• Kotaro’s first slap of Tenko, the only one directly portrayed on-panel, and Mon-chan’s barking in response. On the one hand, I think there’s an argument to be made for the scene flowing a bit better like this—why wouldn’t Grandpa try to stop him from going for that second slap; why wouldn’t Nao pass Hana off to Grandma and do something instead of just standing there yelling for the entire scene? It makes a bit more sense if they’re hesitant to intervene because Kotarou has “only” grabbed at Tenko’s collar and they don’t yet know how that it’s going to escalate to naked physical violence in a way that it never has before. On the other hand, that first slap is so visceral and shocking. Nowhere else in the manga is domestic violence portrayed more sharply and directly, in greater detail or more cruelly generous panel space than in this moment. It’s in the difference in size between Kotarou and Tenko, the force behind the hit that’s enough to knock Tenko clear off his feet, the pages upon pages of gut-churning lead-up to this moment and what we know will be following soon after. Also too, it makes the family’s failure to help Tenko much worse that no one else acts when Kotarou pulls back for a second hit. The first one, you could almost excuse because no one saw it coming; the second throws those justifications out the window and spits on them afterward. Two hits are important—not only for what they tell Tenko in the moment about his family's inaction, but because two hits speak in ways one hit doesn't to how wildly uneven the power balance is in the house, that Nao and her parents could witness something like that and not only fail to intercede, but then take who knows how long to work up the courage to confront Kotarou afterwards. I understand very well the fear of showing this in a family TV timeslot—the violence is so much more real than any big fantasy beat-‘em-up could ever be—but it’s the kind of thing that really drives home what Tenko needed to be saved from even back then, a social issue that heroes as they currently exist were in no position to address. Far from demonstrating that heroes aren't at fault for what happened to Tenko, though, what this scene truly does is vividly illustrate the flaws in All Might's social contract, in which his power and smile seem to promise that he can save absolutely everyone, only to leave children like Tenko out in the cold with no explanation as to why. It's brutal because it has to be, and the anime shying away from depicting Kotarou's physical abuse undercut that.

Framing Shifts

• There was a bizarre, nonsensical change to the scene at the beginning of the chapter where RD is figuring out how Shigaraki survived/got back up after taking a Burden attack head-on. The manga’s explanation is that Shigaraki didn’t actually take a full force hit because he was Decaying it even as it was blowing him back. This is somewhat silly, given that even a reduced-strength Burden is still strong enough to put him through multiple buildings. It is, however, less silly than the anime’s take, in which Shigaraki touched Re-Destro rather than the corporealized Stress of Burden. How Re-Destro survived a full-fingered touch from Shigaraki’s completely uninjured right hand[7] went totally unexplained; the problem was then compounded by Re-Destro delivering manga-accurate lines about Burden not being an evadable attack despite “evasion” having nothing to do with Shigaraki’s actions. Anime!Shigaraki didn’t dodge the Burden attack any more than Manga!Shigaraki did; unlike Manga!Shigaraki, however, Anime!Shigaraki also did nothing to reduce the impact of the attack. So not only was how Shigaraki survived the Burden attack not explained, the change to the material also opened up the plot hole of how Re-Destro survived a direct touch attack that Shigaraki in the manga never lands.

• There was also an extremely weird decision made to give Tenko dark, gray-blue eyes, obviously reminiscent of Nana’s, and suggest that they became red at the same time as his hair was changing to white. But in the manga, other than the size, there’s no difference between young Tenko’s eyes and how Shigaraki’s eyes have always been drawn—an unshaded iris with a visible pupil and a relatively thick line delineating the iris from the white of the sclera. Tenko’s eyes never matched those of anyone else in his family, least of all his dark-eyed grandmother. His hair changed color because of a trauma response,[8] but his eyes were always red.

• Relocated Shigaraki’s first, “Little kids…are sneakier than you’d expect. And simpler,” to underscore Hana showing him Nana’s picture in the study, squarely centering the line on her. And like, yes, that line does get its bitter echo later when Hana panics in the face of her father’s fury and throws the blame onto Tenko—but that line isn’t just about her; it’s also about what Tenko wanted to hear from the other adults in his life. It didn’t matter that his father didn’t approve; if he could get at least one adult to say he could be a hero, to take his side, then he could feel vindicated. It’s a child’s sneaky, simple reasoning: if an adult’s words are absolute, you just have to get one (1) adult to agree with you. It’s asking Dad if you can do something you don’t think Mom will agree to, and then going to Mom with Dad’s permission held defensively in-hand. Laying the line over Hana obscures that it’s as much about Tenko’s craving for external validation as it is Hana’s (entirely understandable) deceitful streak.

• After half a season full of internal monologue being voiced aloud even when it made little sense to do so, the anime decided to render clearly talk-bubbled dialogue—Tenko’s chatting at Mon about how he feels like he could take on the world—as internal monologue instead. Who talks to their animals in their heads when they could be talking at them directly like pet owners the world over?

Additions

• Added a few extra stills of Kotarou rebuking Tenko and dragging him around. I don’t think they’re inaccurate to the situation, though I wonder if it really needed to be underlined two more times than the manga did. Maybe they were trying to make up in advance for deleting the first slap?

• Added a few new stills of Nana and child!Kotarou. They hurt my soul and I love them without reservation.

Chapter 236 – Shimura Tenko: Origin, Part 2

• Hana’s second apology. What needs to get across was communicated with her first apology, but I do think the second one adds some naturalism to the dialogue. It feels very normal for a child feeling extremely guilty to apologize multiple times, like the more times they say it, the more true/convincing it will become.

• A bit of Tenko’s internal monologue—thinking Hana’s name, and Mon’s, and that he can’t talk. The anime slipped some attempts at verbalizing “Mon” into the dialogue, and it was painfully obvious just from listening to him gag and choke that he was too horror-struck to get words out, in ways that would be a little harder to convey on the page. Also, he thinks again that he can’t talk just as Hana runs away, so it gets across regardless. No real complaints here.

• Some thoughts about how he’s itchy, which, given what his itch represents (or at least what he thinks it does), they probably should have kept for continuity’s sake.

• Tenko’s last, “Hana-chan!” just as he grabs for her. I can imagine it having just that little bit more desperate impact, especially given Sekine Arisa’s great delivery of the first “Hana-chan!” but his delivery of the first one was great—weeks later, I can still remember it clearly—so it’s not a snip I’m inclined to doomsay about.

• Hana’s verbalization as the Decay hits her. Given that they kept Mon-chan’s last whimper, it’s kind of inconsistent not to keep this. It’s grueling, sure, but no more so than the rest of the horror show shortly to follow.

• An echo of Nao’s defense of Kotarou’s anti-hero stance. Frankly, I think anime already over-indulges in echoing dialogue we’ve heard not ten minutes prior, so I don’t mind losing this—in the manga, the moments would have fallen in different chapters, so it makes more sense to squeeze in the little reminder, but that wasn’t necessary for the anime, in which the original moment and the callback happened barely more than five minutes apart. It was obvious what the mental image was meant to draw attention to, since Tomura was narrating about exactly what his grievance was, and the image was followed by the two equivalent moments with the grandparents. (Admittedly, it hurt that correlation a bit that Grandpa’s line about the ohagi being intended to make the sadness go away got cut, but the sentiment was pretty clear from the man’s expression of nervy, abashed guilt regardless.)

• The line of Decay that splits Nao’s eye, one of the more vividly horrific little grace notes in the chapter. It undercut the grotesquerie just the tiniest bit, but the scene’s grotesque as-is, so I can understand that slight edit for TV standards. The discrepancy between Decay-to-dust and Decay-to-gore, discussed below in Framing Shifts, was much more damaging.

• A shot of Kotarou just after he hits Tenko with the tree pruning shears in which he looks, briefly, incredibly distraught, like he’s just realized what a monster he’s become. The anime didn’t make the slightest of attempts to keep that spasm of horror, grief, and regret, and thus lost that last moment of sympathy for a man deeply traumatized by a heroic character’s actions. It’s my only complaint about Anime!Kotarou, who I was otherwise far more pleased with than I was afraid might be the case, but it’s a complaint I must register nonetheless.

• A bit of inarticulate yelling before Tenko screams, “You... Die!!” It helps get across Tenko’s rage overflowing, to have that wordless garble before he can actually wrap words around it. He was still having trouble talking, too, so it makes sense that his first vocalization would just be a long, incomprehensible screech. That said, with the music there to supplement the mood in a way the manga would lack, I don’t think the anime’s rendition of the scene suffered overmuch from its absence.

Framing Shifts

• The anime, of course, has always gone the dust route for Decay because Decay is a little too gruesome for family hour TV, and anyway, when Tomura gets as fast with Decay as he is in Deika, he really is just insta-dusting people, such that not even blood remains. But he wasn’t that fast or that thorough as a child, hence why it’s all so much gorier—and it needs to be, because it’s hard to imagine Hana freaking out like she does if all she sees is a pile of dust instead of, well, dog gobbets. (Also, if his family had gone the dust route, it would have been very hard to convince the audience that Tomura’s hands are his family hands and not fakes provided to AFO by Ujiko.) This obviously put the anime in a difficult spot, but apparently the decision they settled on was—to not decide? Everyone we saw in the active process of decaying decayed into dust as usual, but then once they were done decaying, once that transition from person to ruin was complete, there were all these heaps of gore everywhere. It was a very strange and distracting inconsistency that hurt the scene much more than any of the nearly invisible cuts, and I hope the blu-rays will change it.

• Added Grandpa catching Grandma as she staggered at the sight of things in the yard. Since his body language in the manga (the only non-Decayed shot of him in the sequence) has him leaned more forward, like he’s still halfway through running towards the kids, I thought this was a nice little touch on why he stopped, for reasons other than just the obvious.

---

Episode 111 was about half of a really strong episode. Most of my complaints about the Shimura Family flashback are very minor, and most of the ones that are less minor are still easy to overlook when the rest of the presentation was so strong. Unfortunately, the non-flashback half of the episode had as many problems as ever, and those aren't over yet.

Come back next time for Part Five, Episode 112: Origin: Shigaraki Tomura. Assuming my complaining about the finalized gutting of Spinner's arc doesn't get too out of hand—which it may; if so, I'll tack on one final part to wrap things up—I'll also be running down a quick overview of the Paranormal Liberation Front scenes in the Endeavor Agency arc and some various odds & ends.

FOOTNOTES

[1] Yes, I know the Skeptic Confronts Twice scene goes nowhere, but maybe, instead of deleting it, they could have patched it up by showing Skeptic turning away from the confrontation when the tower went down? You know, actually made an effort to improve on the material?

[2] Bakugou, of course, but also Inko, Kotarou, and, very prominently, even All Might. Deku circa MVA has an entire arc lying in wait for him about how much he’s internalized All Might’s paternalism re: having the strongest quirk.

[3] Indeed, as of the scene in the crater, he still hadn’t lost them at all! He had his prosthetic by the time of the speech, so I guess we’re meant to assume that Ujiko or some MLA doctor declared them past saving and amputated them. I hope I don’t need to tell you how unbelievably lame it is to have a shounen manga character sustain a permanent injury like that off-panel.

[4] It’s the pointy nose.

[5] That, at least, is the best way I’ve found to reconcile all the related-but-distinct values professed by the various members of the MLA brass, from Re-Destro’s focus on liberation and purpose, what exactly Trumpet chooses to cite when he’s talking about Spinner not “amounting” to anything much, Geten’s open extolling of quirk supremacy, and so on.

[6] In the first big double-page spread. Oddly, no bandaging is visible in the other panel that has a good shot of that hand, possibly because Horikoshi was more focused on drawing RD’s empty pant leg. The anime kept the obvious wound during the crater scene, but not the bandages during the speech.

[7] I assume, anyway, that Re-Destro only survives Shigaraki’s first touch because it’s a weaker Decay, coming as it does from only from two fingers rather than five.

[8] The fabled Marie Antoinette Syndrome. Never been scientifically documented as such (hair can whiten because of extreme stress, but not overnight) but it endures in fiction because it’s pleasingly dramatic. Trauma-based eye-color changes, not so much.

#my villain academia #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha #bnha meta #my writing #stillness has salt

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katherineholmes · 2 years

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6, 9 and 15 - irresistible

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

This was the first time in half a decade that I committed to writing and completing a fic. When I started, I had been out of touch from writing for five to six years, so I had told myself that I would complete 10-12 chapters before posting it. In many ways, this ship and this fic got me back into writing and made me confident that I could still write. That I still had an artist in me.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

There are five alternate versions of this fic 😂 and I’m almost sure about which one I’m going to use, but I’ll only really only know once I’ve written a few more chapters.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

So much, I became more adept at writing, better at descriptions and at depicting emotions. It helped me learn and differentiate where I need paragraph long descriptions and where single lines suffice, how to delete things that ultimately have no place in the overarching plot. It helped me learn how to plot and how to have character arcs. Before I could juggle only one or two characters at a time, but I can see that it’s changed now.

Thank you so much for the ask Seven 💞 and for all the help you’ve given me in writing this story.

#writers asks #fanfic writer asks #asks list #answered asks #sevensistersofsussex

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helloprettybb · 4 years

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slip-up

I’m so mad because I accidentally deleted orders and I wrote it so long ago that I don’t remember how to rewrite it. So here’s a smut that I hopefully won’t delete.

pairing: steve rogers x reader

description: you and steve were friends with benefits. and that’s it, until you say something that fucks it up.

warnings: smut, unprotected sex, but fluffy ending under the cut.

word count: 2.1k

In a moment of ecstasy and bliss, you said it. Usually, you were very self-aware and always thought before you spoke, but for some reason, your mind disconnected from your mouth. In your defense, anyone would lose themselves a little if Steve’s dick was buried into them while his hand held their shoulder down toward the mattress. His other hand gripped your waist roughly, but you liked it that way. When you started your agreement, you made it clear that it was only a fuck. It wasn’t making love, but rough, hot sex that leaves you keening and Steve wanting more.

The impersonal, fast fucks became a regular routine for both of you, but at some point, the line between friendship and something more began to blur. Instead of leaving after the deed was done, Steve began hanging around. It started with him just cleaning you up and if needed, picking you up and bringing you to your bed. But lately, he’s stayed around for hours just talking. You told yourself that he was just being friendly, but also, friends didn’t constantly shove their dicks inside their friend.

It had been a good day for the most part. The last donut was available, Nat didn’t take you down too hard during training and you even beat her in one round. The day was made even better when you received two light taps on your thigh during dinner. When you and Steve started your tryst, you established a code for when you wanted to meet. When you felt his soft fingers on your bare thighs, you had to contain your smile as you took a drink from your glass.

Eleven o’clock rolls around and as expected, you hear a knock on your door. You quietly give him permission to enter and he opens the door. Closing it behind him, Steve takes no time and instantly kisses up and down your neck. It’s hot and heavy, but you still yearn for him to move up to your lips. He never does and you know why, but still, a girl can dream.

He moves you back onto the bed and you let him flip you onto your stomach. You’re only wearing an oversized shirt and thin panties, knowing they’d be quickly torn off. You could usually tell Steve’s mood by how he takes off your clothes. Today, his rushed, frenzied pushing of fabric and tearing of panties tells you that he’s in no mood to talk. You let him take all your clothes off, lifting up when needed until you’re bare underneath him. Steve removes his hands from you to take off his own clothing and something inside you wants to beg him to touch you again. Luckily it doesn’t take long before his one hand is on your hip. The other is probably guiding his cock toward your pussy. You feel him begin to press and you bite your lip to prevent a moan from slipping out. Whether or not Steve heard the small murmur beneath him, he continues and in one slow stroke, thrusts himself inside you, causing your moans to overlap. The initial stretch always stings a little, no matter how often you two have sex. Early on, you realized that neither of you had the patience for foreplay, so the stretch has become normal. You didn’t complain and if you had to admit, it made his dick feel even better.

Steve waits his usually couple of seconds before beginning consistent thrusts. The bed starts moving at his weight and you pray that the soundproof walls are strong enough to block the rhythmic thumping. Steve’s one hand stays at your hip while the other rests at the base of your neck.

By now, you know what he likes, so you moan out, “Faster, Steve. Please.” He would have gone faster anyway, but hearing you beg spurs him on even more. His slow, deep pace quickens until his hips snap against your ass. The sounds from between your legs are like a porno and again, you mentally thank Tony for making all the residential rooms soundproof.

Your quiet moans and soft breathing turn into loud whines and pleas. “That feel good, baby? Like feeling my cock buried in that tight pussy?” Steve asks. His dirty talk has immensely improved since you first started and you clench around him. Steve’s grunts are interrupted by a longer moan and you know that he’s close. You feel yourself getting a little hazy, so lost in pleasure that you feel your eyelids flutter.

Between Steve’s pounding and your clit being rubbed against your mattress, you feel yourself start to reach your peak. He probably feels it too as he grips your hip a little harder and pushes you down a bit more. A few more thrusts and you’re done for. You scream as your release finally comes.

Steve keeps going, now chasing his own high. The hazy feeling intensifies and you feel disorientated. You ask loopily, “Gonna cum, daddy?”

Steve groans loudly followed by his cum shooting inside you. After he comes down from his high, Steve pulls out of you. Luckily you fucked on a mattress because you are so tired that you feel like you could pass out. You hear the jangle of Steve’s belt and like the first time you hooked up, Steve leaves immediately.

You wake up to light peeking out from the bottom sliver of your blinds. Struggling to sit up, you look down and see dried cum on your thighs. Memories of last night flood your mind making you blush a bit. Furrowing your brows, you’re confused why Steve didn’t clean you up. You’ve never told him to, but it’s become a bit of an unspoken thing to do.

You get up and feel your legs wobble. He went hard last night. So hard that the last few moments are a blur. Sex with Steve is always amazing, but something about last night made you feel extra fucked out. Shakily walking to the bathroom, you clean yourself up before heading downstairs for breakfast.

Stepping out of the elevator, you, unfortunately, see Nat, Bucky, and Sam. You try to hide your shaky legs as you walk to the fridge. You greet everyone with a quick good morning before Steve walks in. He’s covered in a thin sheen of sweat and his already tight shirt looks like it’s about to rip off of his body. You smile at him, but he doesn’t smile back.

You think that he just didn’t see you, so you brush it off. But you become more suspicious when he tries to create as much space as possible when grabbing food from the fridge. Sometimes Steve would get away with a couple quick touches in front of the team, as it seems he can’t go a day without touching you. They’d write it off as an accident, but you knew what Steve meant. So when he avoided you like the plague, you knew something was wrong.

Throughout the day, Steve keeps a safe six feet away from you at all times. His odd behavior was especially noticeable during meals. Usually, he’d sit right beside you so he can ‘accidentally’ brush his hand against your thigh or even more. But today, he sat at the head of the table and farthest from you.

After dinner, Steve left immediately, muttering something about paperwork. Nat gave him a look that meant what the fuck is up with you, but he ignored it. Once he left the room, Nat asks, “Did you do something to piss him off?”

“No, I don’t think so,” you respond honestly. You search your brain for any reason he’s acting so weird. The thought of Steve mad at you eats at your brain and you’ve had enough.

“You’ve been ignoring me.” You ask, bursting into his room. He’s writing something, but definitely not doing paperwork as he claimed. You know it’s rude to barge in, but you need answers, “Why?” You close the door behind you and walk into his room. Steve doesn’t look up from his desk.

“I’m not,” Steve responds. You both know he’s lying, so you press on.

“Yes, you are. This morning, you wouldn’t even go near me and you didn’t even sit by me at dinner.” you protest. When you say your reasons out loud, they sound ridiculous, but you know the validity behind them.

Steve closes whatever he was writing and stands up to face you. He’s still a good seven feet away when he sighs, admitting, “It was just too much.”

Unsure what he’s talking about, you ask, “What was too much? Hooking up? If you don’t want to do it anymore, that’s fine, but I don’t want that to affect our friendship,”

“No, it’s not that.” Steve shuts you down quickly. He furrows his brow a little and asks, “Do you remember what happened last night?”

“No, not really. Everything that happened after I came is a bit foggy.” you tell him and Steve makes a face that can only be described as a mix of realization and disappointment.

“You called me...” Steve trails off as if he’s scared to say it. He clears his throat before continuing, “You called me daddy.” Your eyes widen as your jaw drops. You can’t believe you called him that. You’ve never called a man daddy. You can’t imagine what came over you to think that was okay with Steve.

“Oh my god, Steve I didn’t remember that. If that made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. It just slipped out.” you apologize profusely.

“No, it’s not that.” Steve cuts off your apology. You tilt your head a little in confusion. “Actually, I rather liked it when you called me that.” Steve clarifies, dancing around the word. He clears his throat and adds, “I just, feel like it’s become more than sex.”

“Steve.” you don’t know what to say as you feel your mouth go dry. You were afraid of this. You thought you were the only one to catch feelings, but now he did too. This could mess up the entire dynamic of the team and you don’t know if either of you could handle that.

“You feel it too, don’t you?” Steve slowly walks towards you so that there’s only a foot or two of space. You bite your lip and try to wrap your brain around this.

“If I agree, what does that mean for us?” you ask, struggling to make eye contact with him.

“It means that...” Steve starts, grabbing your hands lightly. You let him as you move your hand in his. Searching for the right words, he says, “It means that I won’t leave right after we have sex. I’ll stay and maybe even fall asleep with you. It’ll also mean that we’re not just hooking up.”

You smile at that thought. You loved Steve and he loved you, but only as friends. Anything more would be amazing. Smiling bashfully, you reply, “I’d love that.” Steve smiles his bright, beautiful smile and pulls you into a kiss. You didn’t know what it would feel like. You’ve imagined it but could never settle on something clear. But now, you know that it was everything and nothing you imagined.

His lips are soft as he kisses you gently. It’s a stark contrast to the hot and heavy sex you’re used to. He holds you in his arms like you could break as he pulls you toward him. It feels like the breath is knocked out of your lungs until quite literally, the breathe is out of your lungs and you need to pull away.

“If I knew calling you daddy would’ve gotten me this, I would’ve done it a lot sooner,” you jest. Steve rolls his eyes and gives you a quick peck on the lips.

“Do you want to stay the night? Like, sleep here with me. But not sleep with me, just y’know. Sleep... with me?” Steve asks awkwardly and you laugh at how he bumbled through that.

“Yes, of course .I’ll sleep here with you.” you reply more smoothly. You walk over to Steve drawers and take out a shirt. It feels weird stripping in Steve’s room without it leading to sex. If anything, it feels more intimate as you slip off your shirt and replace it with his.

Steve’s already under the covers as you walk over to his bed and go in. Laying you head on his chest, you tell him, “I really like you, Steve.”

You don’t have to look up to see him smile as he says, “I really like you, too.”

#steve rogers #steve rogers smut #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers fluff #marvel smut #marvel #marvel fanction #marvel imagines

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aer-in-wanderland · 4 years

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구미호뎐 | Tale of the Nine Tailed - Lee Dong Wook’s Early Christmas VLIVE 2020.12.23 TotNT Talk

In which Lee Dong Wook talks about the series finale, deleted scenes, behind the scenes, and what TotNT means to him.

This Year as Lee Yeon [1:16:20~]

The final ‘2′ is: ‘This Year as Lee Yeon.’ Yes, that’s right. Well, truly this year, after Wook Talk* wrapped, I lived as Lee Yeon for nearly the full year. As of this week, it's been.. What is it? Three weeks since Tale of the Nine Tailed wrapped, right? Still, to think three weeks have already passed…

At first, after it ended, for about one or two weeks, I was continuously listless; after it finished airing. But filming actually wrapped a while before then, so for nearly about a month, over a month, I've felt a bit empty, yes. And heartsick... (sigh) So, this year I lived as Lee Yeon. I received a lot of love, yes. And got to experience many new things; there were a lot of enjoyable things, yes.

Humans really are like that. We're forgetful creatures, aren't we? While we were filming, it was intense and exhausting. I would think, ‘Gosh, when are we ever going to finish? Seriously, when are we going to film all of this?’ But now that we've actually wrapped, now that a month and three weeks have already passed since we finished filming... (nods) Now that I'm able to calmly look back on things, ‘It was fun,’ ‘It was enjoyable,’ ‘We really had a great time of it. We really worked hard.’ These are the things that have stayed with me the most.

[*Note: This is the nickname for Lee Dong Wook’s 2019 talk show.]

Lee Dong Wook’s Affection for TotNT [1:18:18~]

[Reading the live chat] Do I have a lot of love for Tale of the Nine Tailed?

Yes. Most likely, of everyone in the world, I probably have the most love for Tale of the Nine Tailed. Of course, the fans of our drama that loved it, and my fans that loved me, probably have a lot of love for it as well, but it's possible that I love TotNT even more than our director and writer, yes. (nods)

(Sigh) Since there's so much that went on behind the scenes that I can't even begin to tell you about... (nods)

There's... Lee Seung Hwan, among Lee Seung Hwan hyung's songs, among Lee Seung Hwan sunbae's songs, there's one called ‘Even if I Write A Poem with Tears’ (눈물로 시를 써도). In the lyrics there's a line that goes, ‘A letter torn up for having far too many circumstances [to convey] / Do you know the meaning of that?’ Right now, that's precisely how I feel. There are so many circumstances, and since they're not all things I'm able to tell you about.. (nods) Yes, well, in any case, I believe of everyone in the world, I have the most love for Tale of the Nine Tailed.

Sense of Responsibility [1:19:51~]

Tale of the Nine Tailed is... to me it was one of the dramas in which I had a large burden, a lot of responsibility to bear; in which an immense amount rested on my shoulders. From the very beginning, the director, the writer, and I spent quite a lot of time preparing just the three of us. Mm...so, while I'm only saying this now, before we even began, from the very start, I began this project with the feeling that, whether the drama succeeded or failed, I would have to bear the full responsibility for that. (nods) It was a drama, and a character, that I felt that much responsibility, that much affection for.

So, yeah, we spent seven months filming, and the broadcast, too, ended well.

The Final Scene [1:21:10~]

There are an awful lot of questions about the final scene. ‘At the end, is he a gumiho or a human?’

Honestly, I hadn't thought that that was something to be that shocked about. ‘They'll just think of this as a bonus cut.’ ‘Whether he's become a gumiho, or he's human but his powers remained, Lee Yeon will continue to eliminate the demons (ak’gwi) of this world, and Ji Ah will be with him, encouraging him and lending him strength.’ I thought people would think of it as just that much of a bonus cut, but, ‘He's become human,’ ‘He's a gumiho,’ ‘He lied to Ji Ah,’ ‘He deceived everyone.’ There was so much talk going around. So, ‘Ah, this.. I may have been somewhat mistaken.’ I did think that, yes.

But that wasn't necessarily a decision made solely by the writer and director. My opinion is reflected in that as well, so, well, since it's all over and done with at this point, rather than blaming or not blaming someone, I think it would be best if we all just laid it to rest, yes.

Six Years Later [1:22:37~]

Rather, I thought the focus would be on the happy ending: ‘Lee Yeon returned. And so, he and Ji Ah became a happy family.’ (nods) And, there is a bit more to it than that, actually, yes.

Originally, hmm... We don't know if we'll be able to do the commentary [for the director's cut Blu-ray] or not, but if it turns out we do, we'll talk about these sort of.. yes, we'll talk about these things, so..

To tell you a little bit up front, originally, in the scene at the park where I meet Rang-ie, that boy who is like a reborn Rang-ie, that's six years later, according to the script. As to why we didn't add that '6 years later' in as a chyron... If we had, our environment would have needed to change completely. At the very least, the smartphones Lee Yeon and Ji Ah use; their car, like, the cars driving about on the roads, all these sorts of surrounding items; the house we live in - so, well, that would be a set, wouldn't it? - all those things would have had to have changed, but we didn't have the time needed to physically make those changes. And, honestly, none of us know what sort of smartphones we'll be using in six years, do we? What car models will be released six years from now, how people will dress and go about six years from now. So, in wanting to keep true to those details, we thought it might be fine to just leave it at, ‘some amount of time had passed,’ and go with that. But now, well, thinking about it now, if we'd just added in the chyron, I think maybe it might have been easier for you all to understand, yes.

Daughter [1:24:33~]

And, ah, there was really a lot [of talk] about that. That's...of course, we, since that scene itself was deleted it's only natural that you all wouldn't know, but, ‘Lee Yeon and Ji Ah have a daughter.’

So, well, there were these photos of this child actress going about [the internet], but.. she's not our daughter. (laughs) She's just.. As to what that deleted scene was, it was a scene in which Ji Ah and I happily enjoy a picnic, just the two of us, at the park. I’d made delicious kimbap...

And then, the little girl just passes by.. So, to put it simply, that little girl was an extra. But then, somehow, that scene ended up being deleted, and with all the curiosity over the ending, that just snowballed until people started saying, ‘That little girl was our daughter,’ ‘They had a daughter, but they didn't show her to us,’ that sort of talk was all over.

But, yes. (laughs) That's not the case. Well, for this, since there seems to be a lot of misunderstanding, I thought I might set the record straight for you just this once, yes.

[Reading the live chat] Yes, she's not our daughter! (laughs) She's a child actress who, yes, just came briefly to act as an extra for us.

Lee Yeon’s Thread Rings [1:26:08~]

Oh! The thread rings, yes. I said in my previous VLIVE that, yes, that the color of the thread rings was of no consequence. They’re just one of Lee Yeon’s accessories that I had come up with from the very beginning. But after I began wearing the couple ring I no longer wore them. Also, in episode 16, when I return from the River of Three Crossings as a human, at that time too I’m not wearing the thread rings. But...well, after the 6 year time jump that only I know about, I’m wearing them again. The thread rings.

So they were actually a mark just for me that symbolized my abilities. I regained my abilities, and so, at the end, in the bonus cut as well, I’m once again wearing those rings, as always. So that was what I was referring to when I said that. But at that time, the broadcast was still ongoing, so I wasn’t able to explain these sort of specifics; the meaning of the thread rings.

But that’s something that nobody knows. I’m the only one who knows that. The director, the writer, nobody else will know that. Because it’s something that I came up with all on my own, a detail I made all on my own, so that’s probably something that nobody knows. It was something that only I knew, yes.

‘Missing’ Behind the Scenes Footage [1:27:43~]

Well, I'm aware that there are a lot of other things you're curious about too. Regarding Tale of the Nine Tailed. But, well, I can't just go into each and every one of them here.

Ah, right! The.. ‘The kiss scene, the bed scene, why was there no BTS footage of that?’ I heard that people have been saying this, but.. (chuckles, sighs). Yes, there's a bit more to the story there as well.

So the thing is... that was the production team being considerate of us. They were being considerate of me and Bo Ah-ssi. As to why, it's because, before being actors, we're people. Of course, as part of acting we act out those sort of scenes, but there are times when we feel self-conscious. If a camera that isn't ours, another camera like a BTS camera or a still camera is filming that, the people who are taking that footage, those photos, are a bit, yes. They're hesitating for our sake. ‘Ah, is it okay for me to film this right now? To capture this?’ ‘Is this not, in some way, inconsiderate towards them?’ ‘Am I interfering with the filming of this important scene?’ Well, from that line of reasoning, they were being considerate of us.

But, also... It was something that I wanted. “I would like it if you didn't film the BTS for these sorts of scenes.” This goes for me as well, but also, the actress could feel even more self-conscious and uncomfortable, so. Well, it was that sort of thing, yes. It wasn’t as if we were filming some sort of x-rated scene with a lot of exposure or anything, but - I'm sure many of you are aware - when it comes to those sorts of specialized scenes, only the essential crew remain while everyone else goes outside, yes. They vacate the space. But, well, we also did that when we filmed these sorts of scenes. So you can just think of it in that context. Of course, I know that wasn’t what you meant when you said you were curious about the behind-the-scenes [for these scenes] but, (laughs) well, I'd I appreciate it if you understood, yes.

Behind the Scenes Story? [1:29:52~]

Tale of the Nine Tailed behind the scenes [stories]... There are so many. Yes. But, well, honestly, it's not as if each and every last one is coming to mind right now. My thoughts are all jumbled.

Inviting Questions [1:30:35~]

Since we're on the subject of Tale of the Nine Tailed, if you’ll send me some of the questions you had about TotNT, I'll take a look and answer a few. Using this time. That would be, yes, I think that would be best.

Iconic Scenes [1:31:03~]

[Reading the live chat] Iconic Tale of the Nine Tailed scenes?

Oh, I can't pick one. Iconic scenes, iconic lines, anecdotes that stuck with me, I can't pick these sorts of things. There were just so so many. Yes, so much happened. And well, yes, so many memories are coming to mind that I can't pick just one. (nods) That's a bit... I'd appreciate if you would understand.

But I’ll say this: from beginning to end, there wasn't a single scene, a single cut, that wasn't precious to me. Truly. (nods) Yes. Because I gave my all to the creation of every scene; because I had to take responsibility for more than I ever have in any other drama, all of it is precious, and all of it has stayed with me.

The First Scene Filmed [1:32:00~]

[Reading the live chat] The first scene we filmed?

The first scene we filmed was the one where, in episode 1, after exterminating Yeo Nui at the wedding hall, I'm sitting in the park and, yes. He's revealed later as Soo Oh. The scene in the park I filmed with that kid, that was the first scene we filmed.

(Sigh) But that day, there was a high wind warning. A high wind warning. The wind was blowing really hard, and even though it was mid-April, even wearing a long parka, it was cold. On top of that, our hair and clothes were being blown about, so even though it wasn't such a difficult scene, it took a long time to film.

So, although it was our first day filming, we really had a hard time of it, and it took a long time, and, conversely, it helped me adjust quickly [to what filming TotNT would be like]. It was that sort of scene. (chuckles)

The Red Umbrella [1:32:59~]

[Reading the live chat] You want to own the umbrella?

Ah, the umbrella. (chuckles) The umbrella. It's expensive. Yes. That's, but, as I mentioned previously, promotional items aren't something I can do anything about...

Wirework [1:33:31~]

[Reading the live chat] Did the wires hurt?

Ah, they hurt a bit at first. They hurt a bit at first but, later, after doing wirework for about seven months, I got used to them. (nods) Later on, doing wirework action was a bit fun. Well, that is, the people rigging the wires, our stunt team, must have had a hard time of it, but for me.. (laughs) I sort of enjoyed it later on. It was fun. I mean, moving about mid-air is something that, frankly, we can't normally do, isn't it? Flying about like this for a long period of time.. (nods) Later on it got really fun.

Imoogi SFX Makeup [1:34:50~]

[Checks the live chat and laughs] Hahaha Was the Imoogi makeup a sticker?

That's (laughter) that's really, really expensive special effects makeup. It takes an hour to do that (nods, laughs again). Yes, it's not a sticker. It's special effects makeup. Specialists in our country who are extremely good at special effects makeup came and took an hour each time to painstakingly apply that makeup.

[Checking the live chat] The questions are going by so fast. Hold on a second.

The Scene in which LDW Cried the Most [1:35:46~]

[Reading the live chat] Ah, the scene in which I cried the most?

Ah~ The scene in which I write a letter to Ji Ah. Mm....In that scene where I write a letter to Ji Ah......I really did cry a lot, yes.

And.... A scene where I cried when I wasn’t originally supposed to was...that, when I leave a video message for Rang-ie. Originally, crying there wasn't in the script. But, without even meaning to, tears came.

Ah, so, if you watch that scene again... The part where I go, ‘This message will explode in 10 seconds... I'm kidding. I just wanted to try saying that,’ and end the video, the camera draws back from me, like this. But I suddenly start crying, and sob. So this camera draws back, and stops. Originally it was supposed to zoom all the way out, but it stops, and goes back in a little bit, about this far. They used a camera rig to film it like this, but.. That’s how I remember it, yes. If you try watching that [scene] once more, you'll see. Yes. They were tears that hadn't originally been planned on.

Lee Yeon’s ‘Profession’ [1:37:51~]

[Reading the live chat] Haha After he's restored, will Lee Yeon really be a stay-at-home husband while living off rent money?

(Nods) He probably will, yes. (chuckles, nods) Lee Yeon has so much money that I don't think he'd bother working. And, I think he would focus all of his strength on protecting Ji Ah.

The Video Messages [1:38: 31~]

[Reading the live chat] In the final episode, in the scenes where Rang-ie and I cry while looking at each other’s video messages, were we really watching each other cry?

Yes. Rang-ie [Kim Beom] and I both actually recorded those messages on our phones. We really recorded them, and we each filmed while watching the video the other had recorded. So we really did watch them, and we really did cry. (nods)

Who Has More Money? [1:39:18~]

[Reading the live chat] (chuckles) ‘I heard that Lee Rang has more money than Lee Yeon~?’

Ah, it seems this was something Rang-ie said. (nods) That could be. I think that’s entirely possible.

[Note: This is a reference to something Kim Beom said in his Instagram LIVE]

End of TotNT Question Time [1:39:56~]

[Reading the live chat] I'm looking for a question I might be able to answer...but...nothing is really jumping out at me.

Hmmm Hmmm... Yes, well, it seems like I'll have to wrap up talking about Tale of the Nine Tailed here, yes. I had wanted to answer more of your questions but...yes. I'm not seeing the sort of question I might be able to answer for you. Well, in any case, thank you so, so much for loving Tale of the Nine Tailed, and for liking it so much even now.

Drama Memorabilia [1:42:12~]

[Reading the live chat] Oh! ‘Did you ever want to own any of the outfits you wore while filming a drama?’

Oh this one, yes. I can answer this one. While filming a drama, key items, things that are associated with me, like outfits, I have them. Yes. Ah... I think I have an item from just about every [project] at home, yes. So, come to think of it, hmm...from Goblin, you know, that grim reaper...uh...costume? From the fedora down to the shoes - the suit, shirt, shoes, fedora; I have all of them. Just as they were. The coat, yes. So I have my reaper costume kept nicely at home, just as it was. And when I was filming Life, the name tag I wore around my neck all the time, that, ‘Ye Jin Woo,’ yes, that, ‘Emergency Medical and Health Services, Ye Jin Woo’ name tag is also at home. It's hanging on the fridge. And that, when I filmed Partner some years ago, at that time, I had a nameplate that read, ‘Lawyer Lee Tae Jo.’ That nameplate is at home, too. So I always keep at least one prop, one item that's associated with me that contains memories.

I also have my grim reaper [death] list at home, even now. That list is really something that no one else will have. Yes. I'm definitely the only person in the world who has one. (chuckles) No, it's just, this is just another anecdote but, right around when we were nearly done filming Goblin, the staff had kind of made a lot of those lists, so there were extras. And they kept asking me to sign them. (laughs) But, originally, you're not supposed to write your name on there, right? You only, you know, write the names of people who are going to pass on, so I was like, ‘Even though I know this..is not the real thing, is it really all right for me to, ah, sign this?’ (laughs) Later I was like, ‘No, no I can't sign this,’ and turned them away. There was that anecdote. (laughs)

Oh, and that, that umbrella sheath that Yeon-ie wore everywhere. You know that umbrella sheath he wore like this? That's... I made that. I designed it. Should I have brought that today to show you? Well, later, if there's an opportunity. But even though I only ever wore the black one on screen, there was actually another one that was brown. So I had those made out of high-quality leather, very expensively, yes, two of them. Yes, it was my idea. It was an idea my styling team and I came up with. ‘Since he's always carrying that umbrella about, rather than carrying it in-hand, what if I tried wearing it over my shoulder?’ I thought. So we had them made, and when I mentioned it to the director he said, ‘Oh, that sounds interesting,’ ..yes. Naturally, I have those. Those too, as you'd expect, are in my possession. And... [Reading the chat] Yes, I designed them, yes. I paid for them myself.

And, oh. The umbrella that you all wanted so much. That umbrella, and the sa'ingeom, yes. I have them both. (nods) Ah, I should have brought them today. How much you all must have wanted to see them. I didn't think of it, I'm sorry. That umbrella case, the brown one that never aired, the umbrella, and the sa'ingeom, I have all of them. Later, if there's an opportunity, it'd be nice if I could give you a good look at them. Yes, well, from small things like the name tag to my reaper costume, these sorts of things, yes.

[Reading the live chat] You’re envious, aren't you? Yes (laughs) Yes, well, anyway.

~~~

For anyone interested, you can find excerpts from Lee Dong Wook’s earlier TotNT VLIVE that I translated here, here, and here.

#tale of the nine tailed #totnt #lee dong wook #king #구미호뎐 #이동욱 #vlive #20201223 #behind the scenes #bts #ldw is the true mvp of totnt #and I'm not just talking about this #he assumed a lot of responsibility and had a lot of creative input #way more than would be considered normal #gif cr: remm

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themanip · 4 years

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alternate routes

SYNOPSIS — how do you go throughout life? well, you find someone you like. get to know them. start dating. break up a few times, get back together. get married. have some kids. die old. typical. fucking in a back room of an awards show, not once, but twice as complete strangers, was definitely not how most relationships start out.

PAIRING — taehyung x metzi (oc) WARNINGS — descriptions of cheating, fliphones, mentions of getting laid, really bad intros tbh, the introvert line being introverts, and girls who are rlly bad at timing, an asshole named ryan, cursing WORD COUNT — just over 3.1k AUTHOR’S NOTE — hi! i am so fucking bad at writing the first chapter or two, i promise if you can bear the beginning of this story, it gets better. i have two and a half chapters written so far but i am writing super often! once a few more chapters get published i will create a masterlist. please enjoy and if you have any comments or recs don’t hesitate to let me know!! :)))

𝟏: 𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐄

𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖 ⇥ The universe known to man is a labyrinth—an irregular maze, a passage that cannot be routed—and to understand that took more than an average mind. The matter was far too complicated than any obsolete man to comprehend on a whim. Millenia passed before galaxies were formed, planets were created, all unbeknownst to the stars bursting just miles apart.

From early amphibians, to the ice age, to cavemen, evolution has made great strides in every species. Humans in the past were variants called homosapiens, and most likely came from chimpanzees. Great strides like this were something to be proud of, you'd think.

When Metzi Ludovic realized that birds can fly with natural evolution, while humans had to industrialize it (thanks to the Wright brothers) she was pretty distraught. As an imaginative and critical eight-year old, fifteen years later, not much had changed. Currently, she was pondering over the fact that humans are one of the few species with opposable thumbs.

Majority of animals had not yet evolutionized to create opposable thumbs. While frantic over this, she also imagined her beautiful Pomeranian, with thumbs popping out of his paws. Her thoughts were quickly subdued, thanks to her coherent thoughts making an appearance. As cool as it would be, all other animals would devour humans if they gained that ability.

Is that the only reason humans are all mighty? They can industrialize and aim properly due to their adaptations, so that they somehow became top of the food chain?

Thankfully, she was redacted from her thoughts as her manager, Emmy, let out a distressed sigh. "Wren, we cannot change your outfit again. You look beautiful," At this point, looking at Wren, she knew that she would look good. Somehow, she couldn't convince herself.

"Wren, we can switch. I don't hate green, so you can take blue if you want it. I really don't mind," Metzi smiled softly, and she knew it was the right thing to offer as Wren's face lit up, a few tears being wiped away. "Really? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, just do me a favor and loosen the ties on that, please. I have had way too many tacos yesterday to fit into it with the strings that tight," a small laugh left her mouth, and as she laid on the comfortable sofa. It was plush, but somehow offered no lumbar support. Who the hell makes a couch so soft, yet so unbearable for convenience of naps?

Selfish, she thought.

This dressing room was beautiful, so you'd think they'd have enough funds to make a decent couch. She could enjoy the aesthetics of the room, anyways. A luxurious baby pink covered the walls, and was bordered by pristine white. Plush gray carpet was under her feet, and was stain free. With Malorie in here, that probably wouldn't last long.

She was over by the double mirrors, applying powder over her face. She was so beautiful, Metzi couldn't fathom why she insisted on so much makeup. The same could be said about herself, so she kept her somewhat inner misogynistic comments at bay. She was pretty quiet, but something was off. She wasn't usually this quiet, so Metzi shot her a text.

She was very personal, and barely talked about what bothered her. Occasionally, Metzi would get her to open up, which she could physically see the relief on her face as she broke down. A brief, but to the point was written out on Metzi's phone.

you don't seem okay. wanna talk about it? Read 2:33 PM

The three dots popped up, and Metzi's attention was quickly brought to Vida, who sat down next to her, letting out a sigh. "How much longer until Olive gets here? I'm so close to taking a nap," Vida quickly put her hair into a makeshift ponytail, and leaned back, closing her eyes.

"It's only two, so I imagine not for a good hour or so, a nap sounds kind of nice," Wren commented, stood in the other corner of the room, with Emmy helped her undo the straps of her outfit. Her green silk top complimented her skin perfectly, but Metzi knew it was too late to convince her.

"Well, I'm out, wake me up when she gets here," Vida quickly blurts, and her head is now comfortably laying on the arm of the sofa. "I'll get up, I have to go to the bathroom anyways," Metzi commented, sighing before getting up.

Silence followed, and the blonde decided to take a look at her phone. A text was sent back on Malorie's behalf, and she widened her eyes momentarily. Standing still, she turned back to look at her. A face of guilt was evident, and she tried her best to hold her breath.

i have something to tell you, i'm not supposed to. i just feel so bad knowing while you don't i really shouldn't have said anything forget it

meet me in the bathroom

Read 2:37PM

Metzi's mind was in a whirlwind, and she couldn't think of anything she'd be referring to. Of course, it was useless, because clearly she wasn't meant to know about it. She hurried out of the room, the last thing she heard was Wren complaining once more about her outfit.

The hallways were empty, mostly because they'd came so early, and Metzi took her time reaching the bathroom. It was communal, so she really hoped that nobody else was here yet. The awards were meant to start in a few hours, and considering they had three faces to paint with makeup, early was a necessity.

"I hope you won't be mad at me," A small, timid voice aired behind her. The blonde turned around, and clutched her phone in fear. "I'm not, please tell me what's going on,"

As Malorie opened her phone, Metzi tapped her foot anxiously.

God, she really had to piss.

The brunette looked up at her, and showed her a photo.

"What is that?"

"That, was Ryan. On Saturday."

Ryan was her boyfriend of six years. An anxious cramping formed in her stomach at the mixture of his name and the tone of Malorie's voice. The photo she was now staring at made her want to vomit. Her stomach was now doing somersaults.

In the photo, it was indeed Ryan, in Metzi's own bed, with a mop of curly red hair under him. Most was covered by the sheets, but it was enough to come to the correct conclusion. He was clearly enjoying it too, judging by his face. Upon further inspection, she noticed something odd.

Grabbing the phone out of Malorie's hand, she zoomed in. On her nightstand, where a picture of the two usually sat, was now face down. While he fucked another woman in her bed, he turned her face down.

Tears pricked at her eyes, and she took a deep breath in.

What happened Saturday? She was home mostly all day, so when did he have time to do this?

"What—how did you get this?"

"I came to give you your present, and I heard something. Y'know since you gave me keys? I figured it was okay to come in, and your bedroom door was open. I knew Ryan would try to make me the liar, so I took a picture. He told me that if I told you," Malorie pursed her lips, "well he threatened to do something pretty fucked up."

"Holy fuck," Metzi whispered, "I just—I had no fucking clue. This entire time, and who knows how long he's been fucking her?"

One lonesome tear fell down her cheek. In anger or sadness, Malorie didn't know.

Opening her phone, she opened Ryan's contact. "Hey," Malorie whispered, her voice now soft. "If he tells you anything about me, promise you won't believe him?"

"Of course, you come first. Always."

She debated on whether or not to call him, but instead opted on a text.

I hope you enjoyed fucking merida, we're done. get your things out of my house by tomorrow. delete my number.

She wiped the tears from her eyes, and a smile adorned her face. Her bladder problems now the least of her concerns, she started back for the dressing room. Emmy now sat at the vanity, on her phone, and Vida and Wren were basically cuddling.

Surprised at the sudden intrustion, all eyes landed on the pair standing in the doorway.

"Ryan cheated on me, so now we're all single." Metzi gave nobody the chance to respond, as if anyone could think of what to say, and took a deep breath in.

"I haven't been fucked in months, and now I know why. So, I'm gonna get laid tonight, feel free to join me."

All seven of them had their faces beat to perfection, their outfits tailored and steamed of any wrinkles. They looked absolutely impeccable, as if the world around them kissed their feet. Hell, some reporters actually acted like that.

The members of BTS were now known worldwide, and it seemed that they were sought after by nearly everyone. Each member was so unique—so captivating in every aspect. Personalities somehow intertwine perfectly, yet polar opposites sometimes.

Proud but humble men, they basked in the warmth of positive attention. All eyes were on them for now, and they proudly understood it. As they walked on the red carpet of the music event, Yoongi and Jungkook both hated what they would be forced to do in mere minutes. As self-declared introverts, social interactions were about to start, and they honestly would rather sit in the corner and get this over with.

They would meet a few smaller artists, an occasional household name, (which they would fawn over for the rest of the night) and then be on their way. It would probably be in a few news articles, and some artists would insist on pictures, and they would be spread around within minutes. It was the same routine, and almost every time they would speak as little as possible, save for Namjoon, and would discuss it later. Hollywood was English dominated, and they despised it.

"Right now we only have to meet one group, and then we're okay for a few hours," Namjoon spoke quietly and quickly, and they piled off of the red carpet into a building. The hallways were scary, dark and empty, but a light above them quickly lit up.

To their surprise, the hallway was beautiful. The walls were an navy blue, white accents on top and bottom. Numerous gold paintings and records lined the walls, and it seemed to go on forever.

"Who is it we're supposed to be meeting? This hallway is a bit sketchy," Jimin perked up, and Namjoon chuckled. "WB,"

"Who is that?"

"I can't remember what their name stands for, but they sing that one song," Namjoon goes on to hum the tune to a familiar song that got pretty big, and all of the members start singing along. Of course, the lyrics are completely off and the tune is absolutely horrid, but they all recognize it vaguely.

All numbly following Namjoon, he was taking rough instructions from their manager to get there. This was not how it usually happened, but he had said something urgent came up. He had told Namjoon how to get there, and he knew that they were smart enough to make it without breaking a couple ligaments.

"Group? I thought it was one singer," Jin commented, and Taehyung nodded in agreement. "I would have never thought it was more than one. Are they American?"

"I guess we're going to find out," he snickered, and they all stopped at the corner. The door was slightly creaked open, and soft laughter could be heard. It was feminine, soft. It sounded like pure happiness was inside that door.

To double check, Namjoon eyed the sign on the door.

A large, black WB was written so even the partially blind could read. It was odd, the only dressing room out of probably at least a hundred, was all the way back, alone. They had no time to question it before Jin took a few strides forward, and boasted his English abilites.

"Come on-uh, guys."

The rest of them burst into laughter, and Namjoon quickly followed suit, knowing Jin would not be the prime candidate for introductions. He would simply utter a few English words, turn to Namjoon for help, and in panic, make a really bad play on words in Korean.

Timidly, Namjoon's knuckles rapped on the already-open door, accidentally pushing it further open a bit. "Come in!"

They were met with three girls stuffing their faces with chocolate cake, and another laying on the floor, fiddling with a.. flip-phone?

Jin grimaced at the reminder, glad it wasn't pink.

All eyes awkwardly met at the realization, and two of the three muffling down cake choked a bit. "Emmy, I thought you said 5:30?" Malorie was the one to ask, but none of the boys knew that.

"It is 5:30,"

The cake was swallowed within seconds, the flip-phone was now laying on the table, untouched. Four girls scrambled up simultaneously, and watched as the rest of the men piled in. An awkward stout of silence followed, and this so called Emmy, rose and met the boys first.

She had a firm grip, and introduced herself as their manager. The situation was humorous to say the least, these girls who could pass off as teenagers, were standing in single file in shame. The first was a beautiful girl with a large afro, and she kept a tight smile. She did not know who they were, nor did she really care. She introduced herself as Wren.

Next, was a taller woman, who seemed a hint older, with large winged eyeliner. She was Vida. Jin's first instinct was that she reminded him of him, she was definitely the oldest. Then, a smaller girl with a thick smile and soft curls was next. Soft hands, gentle grip. Her name was Malorie.

The last, was a young woman with blonde hair. Realistically, she didn't have any defining features besides her hair, she was the average American-looking girl. She introduced herself as Metzi, and to their surprise, bowed.

"It's really nice to meet you guys," Emmy let out a soft chuckle, and Namjoon nodded tightly. "Are you performing tonight?" It was Malorie who had asked, a soft question. "Yes, actually,"

"I heard you are as well," Namjoon replied, hoping to end the small talk quickly. "Yes we are! I'm surprised you've heard of us, I mean we're not huge."

She wasn't lying, but they definitely weren't small, either. Sixth biggest girlgroup of all time by album sales just behind TLC. Thirtieth on the most followed Spotify artist. Their debut album was certified Gold in six countries. Humble was the key to success, though.

"I'm not sure how big they are in the States, but aren't they pretty well known in Korea?" Yoongi spoke, but of course he wasn't talking to the girls, he was talking to his bandmates. He also spoke in Korean, which is why he nearly had a heart attack when a very feminine voice responded in Korean as well.

"We're big in Korea? I knew we were pretty well known in Japan, but I never really knew about that," It was the blonde one, Metzi. All seven members were in shock, the way she spoke it so effortlessly. If she didn't look the way she did, she could pass off as Native Korean by language alone.

"I know South Korea is very conservative and insistent upon how they operate things, and we're probably the farthest thing from it. I just was under the impression that we didn't fit the mold to do well there," Metzi continued talking, and Wren, Vida and Malorie had absolutely no clue what was going on or being discussed.

Had this been in Spanish, all the girls could have participated. Metzi just insisted on learning Korean, though.

They didn't seem too bothered, though, instead more humored.

"She's been waiting to use that one, huh?" Vida whispered, laughing lightly. "You're not wrong, Korea is known to be very conservative, however, that doesn't mean you have to fit stereotypes to break Korea or any other Asian country for that matter," Namjoon spoke in English this time, and finally the other three girls got a whiff of the conversation.

"We are the farthest thing from ideal boy-groups in America, and we broke it for the most part. Obviously a lot of it is due to our fan base, but point still stands." Seokjin broke in, the conversation now half Korean, half English.

"Good to know," Metzi said softly, a grin on her face.

"How did you learn Korean?" Taehyung spoke up in curiousity, and crinkled his eyes. "I started learning a few years ago before we kind of blew up, and when we visited Korea a few times, I just picked it up a bit. Still a lot I don't know, but I can speak pretty fluently now."

Taehyung nodded in understanding, silently applauding her ability to simply pick up on a language. He doesn't think he will ever gain fluency in English, no matter how hard he'd try. It was a lot harder than he imagined it to be.

"I'm gonna be honest, from media portrayals you guys are made out to be asshats, but you seem pretty down to Earth. Nice to know the fame doesn't get to your head, you know?"

Now it was Wren speaking, and a few snickers sounded from Jungkook and Jimin's mouth. "Asshat," Jimin repeated softly, and they broke into more laughter.

"We appreciate that, thank you. Ignore them," Hoseok spoke this time, a large smile adorning his face. "We will watch your performance tonight, and cheer you on."

"Ditto," Metzi responded in English this time, and Hobi's eyes crinkled in confusion. "Same to you," she clarified in Korean, and he nodded.

They said their goodbyes, and Metzi told all the girls to bow. Namjoon and Vida had a brief talk, and it was no time before BTS and WB were now separate, discussing the events that had just taken place.

The talk of the night was the mysterious blonde girl who spoke fluent Korean.

taglist: @princessoftheroad <3

#kth #kim taehyung #taehyung fic #taehyung fluff #taehyung smut #taehyung x oc #bts smut #bts fluff #bts fic #bts x oc #perrie edwards #little mix #min yoongi #jung hoseok #jeon jungkook #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #park jimin

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crystxlclear · 4 years

Text

sudden desire

chapter seven: mornings are for coffee and sexual tension

part eight of sudden desire

prologue / one / two / three / four / five / six / masterlist

synopsis: the morning after.

word count: 3.2k

warnings: the briefest and vaguest implications of sex (about as pg as it gets honestly), mutual pining (they’re oblivious idiots what do you expect from them at this point?), not beta’d

author’s note: i’ve not been in a good headspace lately and deleted my twitter app the other day to try and clear my head (✨a great move for someone who’s being crushed under crippling loneliness✨) so i feel like this really isn’t my best work, by a long shot, but writing this was the only thing that seemed to cheer me up, so we’re rolling with it! enough about me here’s the good stuff!

Some mornings beat her down. She’ll wake with a terrible wait on her chest and her head in a haze, and the day will stretch on in slow motion. Sadness and pain and upset stretching the hours for miles and miles. Those days, she hates to leave her bed. Her body feels too heavy to move from the mattress. But those days come far less frequent than they used to; every couple of months, when the rain lashes heavy against the window panes and the fog rolls over the river. Melancholia lingers like the smell after it rains and hoodies keep her together and the gazes away.

Others are rosy, honeysuckle sweet and tipped in golden sunshine. She’ll wake to the familiar smell of roses and fresh cotton, of cinnamon and citrus and the candles she’d burned the night before. She’s weightless as she rises, breezy dresses and peach lipgloss, and it’s like a never-ending summer, even when the weather turns frigid and she’s freezing in dresses made for the heat. Those mornings are mornings made for Marcus and syrupy sweet coffee in tiny coffee shops.

But some mornings exist alone; those mornings when anticipating hangs in the air, when change still has yet to set in. Mornings she doesn’t know how to feel when she wakes surrounded by her duvet. Mornings that can become the best or the worst of her life.

Mornings with Marcus over coffee in the sunshine are usually the best.

They’re filled with familiar laughter.

Coraline wakes to the sun streaming into her bedroom, bright, golden and insistent. The curtains are cracked open a little - disturbed and out-of-line, no longer drawn together like they had been when she’d fallen asleep - and the gap lets the warm morning sunlight in. A chill pulls through her; even as she tugs her duvet up underneath her chin for a moment. It’s thicker than it normally is, the weather proving to be much harsher than she’d ever anticipated it could be as Spring edges closer, and it’s even worse when she feels the bed beside her empty and cold. Coraline stretches an arm out over the sparse half of the bed, the sheets there cool, neat and frustratingly unoccupied.

Her heart sinks a little at the realisation.

Even if she isn’t entirely sure what she would have done if she’d woken up with Marcus by her side.

Marcus is a morning person, only allowing himself to sleep in on weekends . But Coraline is usually always the first one of them awake; the one who wakes him up with a text or coffee at his front door. He normally claims her to be ridiculously - and, she’s sure, annoyingly - springly in the early mornings, no matter what time she wakes, no matter how many hours of sleep she’s managed. It takes a while, and far too many cups of coffee, and she usually crashes in the late evening when things catch up on her with ferocity. She knows, this morning, Marcus has done the gentlemanly thing and left her to sleep in those precious few hours, before she has to wake up and head to the heavy load of interviews she has peppered throughout the day. But she really wishes he’d woken her, even just to say goodbye, before he’d left for work.

Coraline knows he’d never intended on staying the night. It wasn’t that kind of arrangement, they both knew that, but it had just happened. And, honestly, neither of them had been entirely made about it, either. He'd made a joke about how her bed was so much comfier than his and she’d giggled and yawned and tucked herself into the warmth of his side, without a second thought. Neither of them had complained about the closeness. Her eyes had grown heavy with sleep and her words quiet, and Marcus had traced patterns into her lower back until she’d fallen asleep a few moments later.

She digs a knuckled into her eyes to rub away the sleep that weighs down her eyelids and groans as she stretches out her aching limbs. Everything aches - even places she didn’t know could ache - especially her back as she lifts her head to glance over at the alarm clock. She’s utterly exhausted, the late night catching up with her, but she’s too worried she’s overslept to even think about going back to sleep. 8:04 blinks back at her in glaring white fluorescent.

Blinking up at the ceiling, laying flat on her aching back, blinking away the weariness that clouds her eyes, Coraline finally finds it within herself to climb out of bed. Some mornings, she can rarely leave the comfort of her blankets. The weight of something always seems to press down on her; sometimes, she doesn’t even know what that weight is. This morning is one of them. She groans when she stands and her feet touch the wooden floor. She stretches her limbs out, every joint in her body seeming to crack as she moves, and yawns so wide that she’s glad no one is around to see it. She’s sure she looks ridiculous on a morning - with wild hair and watery eyes and bright flushed cheeks - but, now, with no one around to see, she doesn’t care.

Coraline slips her glasses onto the bridge of her nose and shuffles her way out of the bedroom. Her father’s old Eagles shirt - the one she’d stolen from his drawers when she’d left for LA; the one that reminded her of her childhood and smelt so reminiscent of him - brushes the middle of her thighs as she moves. It was the first thing she’d grabbed the night before, still balled up at the foot of her bed.

She’s greeted by a sight she hadn’t expected to see when she steps into the kitchen.

The low, slow bubble of the coffee machine, followed by the rich smell of coffee beans. Marcus Pike stands, leant against the counter without a care in the world, with two mugs perched in front of him; one is Cora’s favourite — her Death Cab For Cutie mug — and the other is the old one with the chip in the rim Marcus had accidentally made when he visited her apartment the first time. She’d meant to throw it out, but it reminded her of him, and she’d always reach for her mug whenever he made coffee at hers.

She wishes she’d made an effort to make herself look presentable for him; he’s never seen her look so rough, and she hopes to god that her early morning appearance doesn’t scare him away. But it’s like she’s stepped into an entirely new world where it’s only the two of them left; no one else matters because they don’t exist. Coraline and Marcus are the only two people left in this world.

“Good morning, Sunshine,” he calls cheerily at the sound of the bedroom door clicking shut behind her.

He doesn’t turn, just continues pushing the buttons on the coffee machine as he places her mug beneath, but she can hear the smile in his voice when he speaks. She’s struck by how relaxed he looks. The whole sight seems familiar, somehow; he’s relaxed against the counter, his suit jacket and tie slung over the back of one of her chairs, and he’s humming some indiscernible tune quietly as she steps through the space.

“Good morning.” Coraline returns his greeting and leans her elbows against the island behind him. She watches him with a fond smile on her face. She can’t help it. Everything just seems gentle and wonderful, and she wouldn’t be against this becoming a weekly sight. But it wouldn’t - it couldn’t - and maybe that was for the best.

She’s staring.

She can’t help it. Her heart aches along with the rest of her body; she can feel it skipping in that awkward rhythm, fluttering like butterflies trapped between her ribs, along to the tune of the song he’s singing. A little out of tune but endearing, nonetheless. It’s a little embarrassing that she’s feeling this way over a friendship, of all things, and she knows better than to kindle that little fire within her that she knows will reach out and swallow her whole. She’s been burned by it in the past - so has he, more than she, unjustly and unfairly, and in ways no one should ever have to be burned - and maybe it’s better that they keep their distance from feelings that aren’t entirely platonic.

“I was going to wake you before I left,” Marcus calls back to her before he turns and offers her out the mug of coffee. “Didn’t seem right to leave without saying goodbye.” He leans back against the counter and he’s looking at her like he always does, like a best friend does, with a small smile and sparkling eyes and a friendly fondness that makes her feel appreciated each day. She’s glad last night hasn’t changed anything; if he’d been looking at her any differently, she thinks it might have broken her.

She’d expected things to be awkward and heavy. She’d fallen asleep hoping they wouldn’t, that things would be as normal as they are now, a repeated mantra in her head to remind herself that things don’t have to bear a terrible weight, but she’d expected inescapable tension in the air between them when they saw each other for the first time after what they’d done the night before. The terrible consequence of their agreement and how it would fall flat instantly when the realisation of their terrible idea sets in. Instead, the only thing that hangs between them is that easy informality that comes so easy to them, that her brother had joked about the night before. Maybe what they were doing was a terrible, ill-conceived idea - an idea that anyone else would think was utterly insane - but she’s glad it hasn’t tarnished the friendship that she holds so dear and is too scared to lose. Because he’s here, a gentle look on his face, making her coffee in her favourite mug. She doesn’t think she could ever get tired of seeing that damn smile. The smile that makes her feel so appreciated, so grounded, it’s so familiar and welcome and if she ever goes too long without seeing it she’s sure she would feel cold and brutally alone. He makes her feel at ease and, even despite her wild hair and sleep-kissed cheeks and the shirt that’s too baggy and slides off her shoulder, she doesn’t feel like so much of a mess. She’s forgotten the chill that had swept through her when her feet touched the freezing floorboards.

She’s staring at him again, staring like she’s trying to figure him out, a puzzle to her eyes, staring at the fond smile on his face that tugs gentle at his lips, and blinking back at him without a reply.

But his smile only grows at the sight of it.

“You didn’t have to make me coffee,” Coraline insists after a moment, placing the mug onto the kitchen island and letting her chin drop into her hands where they’re propped up against the counter. She tilts her head to the side when he grins and shrugs his shoulders. “I’m serious, you’re my guest. I should be the one making you coffee.”

“Well, what can I say? I’m a great friend.”

Friend. He really is a great friend.

Her best friend, the one person she really would dare to tell all her secrets to.

They’ve become so used to joking with each other, the lighthearted jabs and sarcastic comments, that it comes as second nature. But she still can’t help but roll her eyes as she chuckles and takes another sip of her coffee; it’s sweet and just how she likes it. She knows that an inevitable sugar crash will come in the late afternoon but it seems worth it.

Coraline runs her thumb around the rim of her mug idly, a distraction, she supposes. Manicured nails tinker against the cheap but long-loved ceramic. She’s half-sure Marcus is going to mention something about the night before — about what they did or what it meant to the feelings between them, or even when they were going to do … it again — but he never does. He just makes idle conversation from opposite her, too far away for her to touch but close enough for her to smell the lingering remnants of his cologne from the night before. It clings to the fabric of his shirt, to the curve of his neck. She’d recognise that smell a while away; sweet and strong and comforting, just like him.

“I should be heading back to my apartment,” Marcus announces suddenly. He places his empty mug into the sink and reaches for his jacket and tie.

Coraline can’t help but frown. “You’re not staying for breakfast?” She doesn’t know why she asks; not long ago, she’d accepted the fact that he’d left for work without waking her, now she wanted him to stay longer.

She thinks Marcus sighs, but it’s too quiet to hear, if he does. “As much as I would love that.” His eyes are soft - that surely unintentional puppy-dog look of apology that melts her heart and softens her soul - when he turns back to her, looping his tie around his neck. “I think people might notice if I show up in the same clothes as yesterday.” His shirt and jacket are wrinkled from where they lay on her bedroom floor all night. There’s an especially deep crease, stark grey against the crisp white fabric, that runs from the collar to the waistband of his pants.

Coraline sets her mug down and rounds the island towards Marcus. She smooths her hands down the creases in his shirt, trying to brush the wrinkles from his usually-pristine cotton before she bats his hands away from his tie. She can feel his gaze burning into the top of her head as she fiddles with the silken material, out-of-practice hands working the material like she does this everyday. She loves the simple domesticity of it all. It gives them both a moment to breathe.

“Cora-” His voice hangs low in his throat. “-what are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

Marcus exhales deeply out of his nose and runs his hands up her arms. “You don’t have to,” he hums. “I can do it myself.”

“What can I say?” She smooths down the back of his collar and the knot of his tie. She tilts her head to look up at him. “I’m a great friend.”

She thinks for a moment he’s going to kiss her. There’s an unreadable look in his eyes; it’s intense and searching, and his brows are furrowed yet he’s smiling still. He holds her gaze for so long that she’s almost sure of it. That he’s going to kiss her despite their agreement that they’re just friends, nothing more and nothing less, and it’s still going to mean nothing because of the night before. Because they’re just friends and they know that.

But Coraline wouldn’t mind if he did kiss her.

“So handsome.” She smiles, after a moment of soft silence, patting his shoulders once she finishes knotting up his tie. So damn handsome it’s painful. The smile is sweet and saccharine, welcoming yet still dismissive of any romantic intentions. She really wouldn’t mind if he kissed her, but he can’t. She really wouldn’t mind if this was a daily thing, if every morning she could wake up to him and his gentle smiles, but she can’t. Coraline wonders if the timing was different - if they’d met some other time, some other place, before their heartbreaks or when the reluctance of moving on had waned - would it be more than a friendship? Cora knows that friendships like this are hard to find amongst the fickle fire of Hollywood relationships, and she’d be damned if she ever let him slip between her fingers.

She hears Marcus hum low in his throat when she turns to drop her empty mug into the sink. The water runs and the heater hums, and Coraline pays no mind to the way his gaze lingers.

Marcus watches her; even in her early morning muddle - shirt far too baggy, slipping from her shoulders, drowning her slightness in it’s black, worn material; hair a near-tangled beautiful mess, twisted against the nape of her neck and mussed up on the side where she’d curled up against his chest; rosy red cheeks, pink-flushed like the sky during the sunset; the smile on her lips, soft and lazy with sleep - he still think she’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. He’d let himself drown in her beauty if he could, if there weren’t a life-preserver of past holding him above the calming waves. His brain placates his desire in the form of a platonic friendship and he keeps her close enough to quell the unintentional desire. Marcus rushed in headfirst and headstrong; somehow, this ill-thought out arrangement makes more sense than figuring what exactly it is that lingers between them.

They assume it’s friendship. That makes the most sense.

But he’ll remember this when it’s over - when the sleepless nights and exhausted days come and there’s this small, delicate thing that relies on them both just to get by - because how could he ever forget. He’ll remember her kitchen in the soft morning sunlight as the sun continues to rise and spills through the window, mellow unlike he’d ever seen it before, and he’ll remember the feel of her warmth at her side as she sleeps. Every fleeting moment he spends with her - between work and happenstance and everything that keeps them mindlessly busy for weeks on end - feels like a lifetime of teenage summers when friendship and sunshine are the only things that matter.

“Thank you,” he hums again. He pulls on his shirt jacket; it’s wrinkled, like his shirt, from a night spent crumpled on the floor. He’s glad his apartment is within walking distance and he doesn’t have to take the Metro looking as disheveled as he does. Anyone awake enough would realise why he looks the way he does.

When she turns back to him, she’s smiling wider than before. The coffee has cut through the sleepy haze she’s worn since she’d woken and the Coraline he’s used to - the Coraline with the sunshine smile, golden and bright, and the enthusiasm that sparkles in her eyes - is back. Though he realises he’s just as fond as both versions of her: the drowsy woman in the morning light, blissful and comfortable when pulled from her dreams and the one who’s bright and vibrant and whose smile lights up his entire day.

Marcus mirrors her smile and leans over towards her. He kisses the corner of her mouth; so close, yet so far away. Her eyebrows pinch together at the feeling, the gentle brush of his plush lips over her skin, barely an inch touching the curve of her lips, but settle before he pulls back and notices the pull on her expression. “See you around, Sunshine.” He bids her farewell before he sweeps from her apartment and she’s left to sigh and slump back against the kitchen counter.

Damn that man and the effect he has on her.

taglist: @wheresthewater @ah-callie @its--fandom--darling

#marcus pike x fem!oc #marcus pike x oc #marcus pike x reader #marcus pike x female reader #marcus pike #the mentalist #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x oc #sudden desire

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