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#wren goes to a Bachelorette party
wraenata · 1 year
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You're always checking on other people and leaving nice comments so i wanna do the reverse. How are you doing wren? I hope the party was fun and that you're taking it easy today <333
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Ohh haha, ok I had to look how to add a read more on mobile.
But descriptions of alcohol related things and getting sick under the cut, and anxiety. But basically here's a rundown of my night. It's long. But headache does feel better thank you anon :)
So yeah the Bachelorette party, 11 girls and I only know the bride and my bestie.
I do not drink. I'm not a party animal. In fact I've never been to a bar before this. I don't mind other people enjoying this but I just don't. Glad they have fun!
Anyway, my anxiety is already high about this party so I wasn't feeling the best. Omg bars or clubs are SO LOUD! Idk how the workers don't have hearing damage! It actually gave me the headache really easily. It was very overwhelming.
My bestie who was drinking got me onto the dance floor with my water cup lol. @/kiaxet it took a little bit but I did dance a little! First time dancing (my ex religion did not allow dancing). Well more so my feet were planted but there was a little movement lol. Baby steps.
I kept my bestie hydrated with water throughout the night but I can't say I really enjoyed it. I'd have left at the first opportunity if I could have. I imagine dancing is much more fun when you're drunk XD. Also I got drinks spilled on me yuck.
Maid of Honor went HARD! Too hard. The majority of us came back after midnight but MoH stayed out til bar close. Bestie and I are sharing a bed and MoH is in the second bed in our room. Did I mention I have a fear of vomiting?
Bestie sobers up and is exhausted. MoH gets back and is really messed up. Keeps complaining that her arm is broken (it wasn't I checked). Bestie is getting annoyed because MoH is LOUD. I get MoH some water and she takes her meds and we convince her to try and sleep despite her saying her arm hurts. It's like 3:30 or 4 am at this point.
At 5:30 am MoH is at the foot our bed (?) And puking. Not sure why. Also she is butt ass naked. Also not sure why again. She definitely had pj pants on when she went to bed.
I plug my ears and shut my eyes and bestie takes care of MoH bless her. But bestie is ticked. MoH crawls back into bed. We get another hour of sleep before every one else gets up downstairs at like 7 am. So probably running on like 3 hours at best.
MoH does not remember puking. I hope she didn't puke on my stuff I'm too afraid to check.
I felt a little sick when MoH got sick but I'm feeling better now. Bestie wants to try and dip early today; we are supposed to go to a water park. Technically this lasts until Sunday.
I'm happy for people who have fun with clubbing, but I just am not built for it lol.
It was an experience for sure.
Thank you so much for checking up on me! That is so sweet! Looking forward to going home though. I'll get to pass the possum crossing sign farm again :)
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rosewoodlliars · 7 years
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7B INFORMATION/SPOILERS
This is all the information I gathered so far from interviews, BTS pics, videos, etc.
1. Aria goes rouge because of the game. Which starts about 7x15. 2. Somebody gets arrested and is seen holding hands with another person under the table. 3. Wren (presumably) is aiming a gun at someone. 4. Aria attacks Sydney. (Already happened) 5. Melissa returns in 7x20 and has a scene with a Spencer at the stables. 6. Toby and Spencer has a scene of them hugging at the stables in 7x20. 7. The girls will be arrested in 7x18 and will probably be released in the beginning of 7x19. 8. There’s a scene of Aria sobbing in 7x16. 9. Aria finds a body in the trunk in 7x19. 10. 3 characters will die. 11. Ezria’s wedding is in 7x20. (Ian was wearing a wedding ring and Lucy was wearing a wedding dress) 12. There will be another wedding before 7x20. So in total we’ll see two weddings. One small one and one big one. 13. AD will be revealed in the beginning of the finale. 14. Wren has a part in the final twist. 15. CeCe will be in the finale. 16. The Nicole storyline will be resolved by 7x15. 17. Paige will be gone by 7x15. 18. There will be group scenes in 7x20. 19. Ezra will probably get knocked out and kidnapped (assuming) by AD. 20. Wren will return in 7x15. 21. Caleb will end up in the hospital because of some steam that was sprayed in his face. (Already happened) 22. Holden will be in 7x12 also. (Already happened) 23. Spencer will be interrogated. 24. One liar in the finale will leave rosewood for a short time. 25. There’s an emotional scene between Aria and Byron in the finale. 26. Dianne will be in the finale. 27. Jason’s last episode was 7x18. (Assuming since apparently he deleted the picture when they filmed that episode) 28. Alison will have twin baby girls. 29. The final scene of the show is with the 5 Liars. 30. Several people from the cast says that people will be satisfied with the ending. But Shay said some might be disappointed. 31. There will be an HBO level sex scene between ezria in the finale. 32. Ezra and Wren will have a scene with each other in 7x15. 33. Ezria will have their wedding in a church. 34. Alison won’t be in every episode of 7B 35. AD has not been confirmed yet if it’s a guy or girl. 36. The finale will have a full circle moment. 37. There will be a time jump that’s 1 year. 38. There will be a group scene that involves a bomb fire presumably in the time jump.
39. There will be a bachelorette party. For Ezria.
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briannaslist · 7 years
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Til Death Do Us Part (Series Finale)
A Pretty Little Liars Recap
We get a weird opening that’s not necessary, so we’ll just skip it. If you thought you were going to get a satisfactory answer, then you can turn back now. AD is someone we have never met; someone we didn’t even know existed. The worst twist and reveal possible, to the point that it’s taken about a week before I could even talk about it. It’s an extended finale, an hour and a half without commercials, yet nothing happened until the last 30 minutes.
It was Spencer’s evil twin. We can just stop right here.
We get a one-year time jump: Aria and Ezra are on a movie set because their book may become a movie. Which is very early for that story to be optioned for a film. Meanwhile, Ali and Emily are the proud mothers of twin girls – Lily and Grace. Spencer is getting along with her sister Melissa for a change; Toby arrives, much to Spencer’s surprise, and they’re clearly happy to see each other, complete with lingering looks. Because all the couples must exist at the end.
Somehow Addison is still a thing and she’s still as annoying as ever. The girl is still being a bully to everyone and she and her friends are likely bullying a deaf girl, but at least we get Jenna telling her that she may be blind, but she can smell a bitch from a mile away. We should just end the episode right there. Meanwhile Hanna and Caleb are having issues because Hanna is letting Mona come live with them; a decision she made without consulting Caleb.
Everyone gets together at the renovated Lost Woods Resort for a joint bachelor/bachelorette party. Apparently, Ezra has no other friends because his guests are all the guys we already know. Spencer notices Hanna making passive aggressive remarks to Caleb. They’re being watched by Mona who is in a Melissa mask. There’s no significance in her wearing the mask. I wonder if Mona still spied while everyone broke off to have sex. Except Spencer and Toby, who just leave to play Scrabble.
Hanna’s concern is getting pregnant despite only being married for a year and under dire circumstances. Her fashion line is just starting to take off, Caleb sold some software to Lucas, and they’re having problems. Why would you need to rush a pregnancy? Get yourselves a little more together.
For whatever reason, they decide that this is a good time to add even more drama even though we have a limited time frame. Aria gets a third opinion from a professional and has it confirmed that she cannot have children; Ezra is supportive and tells her there are other options and he’s there for her, but he’s a bit offended that she never told him earlier because she was afraid he would leave. All of this is dragged out for far too long.
Caleb is unnecessarily hostile to Mona when they come home; just gives her this look and doesn’t even greet her. Like it’s her fault she’s mentally ill and was harassed into having a psychological break. This behavior from the guy who, just one episode ago, said “poor Mona” because of her circumstances.
Hanna thought it was appropriate to bring Mona to the rehearsal dinner without asking Aria or Ezra for permission. Caleb didn’t want to leave Mona home alone and Hanna didn’t know what to do. Ali’s shock about it is probably the most Alison thing we’ve seen in two seasons and it lasts less than ten seconds. Hanna wants them to just pretend for one night that they’re all friends and to just treat Mona like a person.  
I’m still lost on how everyone is still so sour toward Mona after all she’s done for them and how close she’s been kind to them. Like they try to use the excuse of some of the stuff she did like “trying to kill Hanna”. I’m not saying we should be super happy about that, but Emily dated someone who tried to drown her, so I’m not seeing much of a difference. This and the episodes before seemed like it was setting up everyone else finally reconciling with Mona and ending with the six of them at least being friendly. But that doesn’t happen.
For whatever reason, they had to throw in Ezra talking to Byron and Byron giving him his approval for marrying Aria. I guess they had to add it since many people are very…uneasy about this relationship. And then they spent a good portion of these last episodes with Ezra being weird about Nicole. Also an inconsequential and unneeded storyline in the end.
We get treated to the moms being entertaining (except Pam, who’s being sketchy talking to Ali). The other moms are cool though. They also remembered that Toby and Emily are friends (and have been this whole time) and they have Toby asking when he’ll get to meet the kids. But for every sweet moment like this, there’s the rest of the show, so. Some Addison drama is thrown in here too, but no one gives a shit.
Emily is in a mood because she saw Ali and Pam acting weird at the party. Emily’s stubbornness leads to a reveal that Pam was giving Ali Emily’s grandmother’s ring. Because Ali had a big thing planned, but now that the surprise is ruined, the proposal is right at this moment.
Hanna and Caleb finally talk like rational adults and Hanna acknowledges that she’s been dismissive of Caleb’s feelings and she’s going to tell Mona that things won’t work out with her living there. They kiss and Caleb asks her if she wants to make a baby. Right there, on the couch, when you still have a house guest though? Hopefully Mona doesn’t need a glass of water any time soon.
Oh, and Spencer goes to Toby’s room to have sex with him too because they weren’t part of the earlier sex sequence. There we go, all the couples are back. Everyone should be totally satisfied with that.
Then the build up to something actually happening – Spencer is at home and hears music. She goes to her living room only to get knocked out by Mona. When she wakes up, she thinks she’s looking in a mirror; however, it’s a window. And now Spencer knows that she has an evil twin. An evil twin who kidnapped her after getting Mary out of prison somehow.
This evil twin is a walking exposition machine, so may as well address everything all at once, like she does every time she’s on screen:
Her name is Alex Drake – Hence the A.D. thing. Wren saw her working in a bar in London and thought she was Spencer messing with him at first. Probably because that “accent” is horrendous. So anyway, Wren showed her a picture of Spencer and he called, of all people, Charlotte to tell her about Alex. He didn’t call Spencer or Melissa, hell even Peter Hastings would make more sense, than calling Charlotte.
Alex has been impersonating Spencer for a while now. She’s the one who gave Toby that strange goodbye kiss before he left to have his life with Yvonne; she’s the one who slept with him like a week after his wife died. She was in the airport arguing with Wren.
But why did Alex do all this? For basically no reason. She was mad because the girls “took Charlotte from her” and Spencer had an alright life with people who cared about her and that upset Alex? So, she decided she just needed to take over Spencer’s life permanently. She has Wren shoot her in the shoulder, in the same spot Spencer was shot; and Wren went along with it because he loves her… But then Wren was in the way of her becoming Spencer because he saw her as “Alex”, so she killed him and had his ashes turned into a diamond, which she wears as a necklace so he’s always nearby. Let’s just – let’s wrap this up.
Alex takes Spencer’s place and goes to get ready for Aria’s wedding. Aria’s wedding dress is about as awful as the “Cockney British accent”, so we’re lucky that Ezra sent a text saying he wasn’t going to come and everyone just took it at face value despite everything that has happened to them in the past. Caleb looks into it, only to find that Ezra never used any credit cards or moved his car. Because Alex kidnapped him when he saw her acting weird at The Radley. All of which could have been avoided had she just played coy and said she spent the night with Toby.
Meanwhile, Mary hops into the exposition machine to tell Spencer more stupid things that don’t make any sense. Stuff like, the nurse gave Spencer to Peter and he walked off, only for the doctor and nurse to be surprised by a second child. Yes, apparently, the entire time Mary was in their care, they never gave her an ultrasound. And Peter Hastings did not hear the doctor yelling about a second baby just moments later. Also all doctors in Rosewood are corrupt because he convinced her to sell the baby to a wealthy couple for a cut of the profits. And then the couple decided they didn’t want Alex, probably because she was unbearably annoying, even then, so they gave her to an orphanage and took back their name to erase all association with her. Several years later Alex ran away. And all of this while Spencer cries because we should…. feel bad? None of this justifies anything that Alex has done. Mary goes in to comfort Spencer, but she exits quickly and locks the electronic lock. But then they show us that Spencer stole a bobby pin from Mary’s hair. To pick the electronic lock.
Spencer soon learns that Ezra when he wakes up in a room across from her. She’s trying to pick the lock – no. Why is it electronic if it’s a pad lock? But then Alex comes in for a little more exposition. Like to not explain why Sara Harvey or Sydney were important; they weren’t. Jenna’s involvement was because she knew Charlotte had a sister and she wanted another chance as being able to see. So, Alex paid for surgery in exchange for a little help. Oh, and Noel Khan was helping Jenna because she was using Noel’s help to find the mysterious sister. Also, Alex only let us in on this, but Wren is the father for Ali and Emily’s kids. I’m assuming they never find that last part out. Anyway, there you go. “Answers”.
The next day, Alex goes to the ranch for the date with Toby. Because Alex is obsessed with Toby being in love with her. However, the shy horse reacts badly to her because she isn’t Spencer. And later when Spencer calls her mom a rock star in front of Jenna and Jenna sniffs out a different perfume, Jenna is clued in to Spencer not being Spencer. Jenna calls Toby to tell his as much. And Toby finds this convincing and goes to the others with one other piece of evidence – a book Spencer gave him is empty.
Everyone is skeptical for about three seconds before realizing there’s about ten minutes left and they have to just go with it. Meanwhile Mona watches all this unfold on her computer and calls Alex, who she also just learned about, and tells her to go to plan B. Then she goes to the others and tells them that Wren came to Welby to kill her, but she convinced him that she could get Mary out of prison. So, that happened, and she knows where Alex is; the house that Toby built.
Meanwhile, Spencer picked the lock and got Ezra out and they’re trying to find a way out. While Alex is hunting them down with an ax. Everyone else gets there and they have to play the “which one is real” game and the mystery is solved by true love. Then a police officer comes in and Mona says that she called the police.
Aria found a better wedding dress and she and Ezra get married. Before she leaves for her honeymoon, the girls get together again. Toby is sticking around and he’s gonna be working with Jason (who is not in the episode). It’s early to share, but Hanna is pregnant and Aria says she and Ezra are meeting with an adoption agency when they get back. Everyone is happy I guess, despite the others barely being in the episode, and they all hug.
Then we see Mona in France, working in a doll shop. She kisses her handsome boyfriend, the cop who arrested Mary and Alex, and then she goes downstairs to reveal that she has Mary and Alex captive. How she managed to get overseas with two unwilling people, one of whom is a fugitive, is beyond me, but I’ve tired of thinking of this show.
It would have been nice to end the episode right there with Mona, but they decide to do a repeat of “that night” with Addison’s friends; this time it’s Addison who’s missing. Good.
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bellabooks · 7 years
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“Pretty Little Liars” recap S7 Ep20: Til death do us part
Pretty Little Readers, this is it. The last PLL recap I will ever write…until the inevitable reboot in 2032 that follows the adventures of teenage twins Lily and Grace DiLaurentis-Fields. But I’m getting ahead of myself. This was a two-hour finale with buckets of exposition, so let’s dive on in! I’m glad this show finally upped their budget and gave Jenna a pony   We open on a deserted Rosewood street, where the Liars are all drinking coffee and bemoaning the drama-less state of their lives. It’s swelteringly hot, but all anyone can talk about is how boring everything is without any mysteries to solve. Oh, and Lucas tap dances by in a white tuxedo. And Jenna rides by in a decorated horse like she’s a circus performer. And then it starts snowing.  Is that snow? NO IT’S COCAINE!!!   The Liars look to the heavens, and the camera zooms out to reveal they were inside a snow globe, which was no joke my fantasy ending for this show. But who is holding the snow globe? Mona Vanderwaal, queen of the heavens, runner of the games, genius among geniuses. She’s locked up in Welby with only her snow globe, which she drops to the floor when she’s confronted by a black hoodie. She asks them if they are there to kill her, and she smiles that Mona smile. Then the opening credits run for the last time, and all the Liars do the “sshhhh” together. TOGETHER!  For real though guys, who is in this coffin?   We then cut to ONE YEAR LATER, and check in on the gang. Ezria is on the Warner Bros. lot (which is incidentally where they shoot the show- so meta!) because their book is being turned into a movie. They are also getting married in a week. Spencer is rescuing horses with Melissa and bonding with her, and Toby returns to town after a long Eat, Pray, Shave tour of the world. Spencer is rehabbing a cute pony named Bashful, who is skittish around everyone but her. Don’t worry, this will come back later in a big bad way. Emily and Ali are juggling twins, Lily and Grace. Also, Ali has the worst bangs and it’s so distracting I had to rewind this scene twice just to focus. Ali meets up with Pam Fields at the Radley, and they have a secret conversation about taking care of/loving Emily. Ali continues teaching English at Rosewood High, where she discusses literary endings (wink wink) with her class. She’s still teaching mini-bitch Addison, who disrupts the class and calls Ali a lesbo. Ali is in no mood, and grabs Addison after class. Addison isn’t scared of her, but she IS scared of Jenna Marshall, who is now a life skills teacher at Rosewood. What life skills is Jenna imparting to these children?! How to seduce men and women alike into doing your bidding? Firecracker dodging? I have so many questions, the first of which is, where do I sign up? Addison tries to sass Jenna by waving her hands in front of her blind face, but Jenna grabs her by the wrist like she’s Dare Devil and tells her that she while she can’t see, she can smell a bitch from a mile away. In a world where teachers can sleep with and marry their students without censure, I guess calling someone a bitch is small potatoes.  BITCH CAN SMELL   Meanwhile, things aren’t sunshine and lollipops with Hanna and Caleb. Mona is being discharged from Welby, and Hanna invited her to stay at the loft without running it by her husband. Caleb is upset that the woman who tried to push his wife out of a bell tower is now their new roommate, but Hanna knows that while husbands come and go, ride or die BFFs are forever. On cue, Mona shows up at their door and Hanna welcomes her. Mona seems fragile and forgetful, and tells them that with her new meds, she isn’t as sharp as she used to be. If this series ends with a neutered and sad Mona I will never forgive Marlene. Why is the wifi password Hanily?!   The Liars and friends meet up at the newly renovated Lost Woods resort, which Spencer and Ali are re-launching. Everyone’s gathered for a surprise bachelor/bachelorette dinner for Aria and Ezra. There is wine and laughter and memories, and everyone is having a good time…except for Haleb, who can’t stop squabbling. Spying on them from the bushes is a black hoodie, who turns around to reveal MELISSA HASTINGS…or is it? Everyone is enjoying drinks by the fire pit, when Emily remembers that this is their first night without the babies and drags Ali to their room for some sexing. Then everyone else pairs off to hook up, except for Toby and Spencer who decide to play scrabble like a couple of nerds. We find out that Spencer is going to law school, working at her mom’s firm, and rebuilding her relationship with her family. Isn’t it nuts that we’re 25 and have two kids?!  Tell it to my bangs: they’re already 45.   While everyone else gets a lengthy sex scene, complete with saxophone music, Emily and Ali press their cheeks together and touch legs because that is how lesbians have sex on Freeform. At least, they are trying to…Ali is feeling all sentimental while Emily is trying to get it on. I feel like this would be a totally adequate sex scene by itself, but pairing it with Ezria’s lengthy romp only highlights the double standard when it comes to queer sex scenes.  Nothing says sex scene like closed mouth kissing!   Despite this disparate treatment, let’s all take a step back and marvel that this series is ending with a happy queer couple, where no one is dead or heartbroken. It’s 2017, but there is still something delightfully revolutionary about the awkward gay jock winning the heart of the most popular girl in school and living happily ever after. It’s kind of lovely until you remember what they did with Maya and Shana and Charlotte. In a less romantic sex scene across town, Hanna and Caleb are still fighting while Hanna sits with her legs up, trying to conceive. Yup, these two dummies are trying to have a baby. And in sadder fertility news, Aria gets a phone call from her doctor and finds out that she can’t have children. Why is everyone so baby crazy on this show?! Y’all are 25, settle down. Aria wants to call off the wedding, but the Liars convince her that Ezra won’t care. She tries to keep it a secret, but ends up telling him the next day, and he responds as he should: that it doesn’t matter, and there’s more than one way to make a family. Melissa watches the Liars comforting Aria from the bushes, and removes her mask to reveal MONA underneath. Dun Dun Dun! I would love it if A.D. turns out to be a Russian nesting doll of masks leading to an empty hoodie. Mona Facetimes with A.D. and demands to know who they are. You know what would really take this party up a notch? Jenna Marshall on a damn horse!   The next night is Aria’s rehearsal dinner, and Hanna brings along Mona, which is rude as hell. You don’t just bring your crazy hyperadrenalized murderer BFF without RSVPing for her first! No one is more shocked than Ashley Marin, who separates from the Wine Moms to give Hanna a talking to about co-dependency and toxic friendships. The Wine Moms keep talking about that time they got locked in a basement, yet another spin-off show that we’ll never get from Marlene.  A toast to the best parent on this show: Chardonnay!   Emily sees Alison sneaking around with Pam and assumes that Ali is hiding something from her. She gives Ali the third degree until she reveals that Pam gave her the family engagement ring—she was planning to propose to Emily somewhere romantic, but instead she’s doing it right this second in her pug dog sweater. Ali thanks Emily for loving her unconditionally, even when she was a zombie bitch who communicated through stolen birds and old witches. Even when she was flying a plane in a Vivian Darkbloom wig. Emily says yes, and they kiss.  If you can love me through these bangs, you can love me no matter what   Meanwhile, Spencer goes back to Toby and they have a lengthy sex scene of their very own. Spencer steps out of the shower and finds Mona in a black hoodie in her room. Mona says “Déjà vu bitch!” and knocks her unconscious. Spencer wakes up in a prison cell, disoriented. She looks in the mirror and checks herself out, until the mirror Spencer starts moving on her own. Holy crap, Twincer is real! And British! Kudos to everyone who predicted this twist, I honestly thought it was going to be someone else. This British twin is Alex Drake, aka A.D. and she’s busted Mary Drake out of jail for a family reunion. Put some pants on, we need to talk about Spencer’s accent: it’s not just British. It’s Eliza Doolittle meets Burt the Chimney Sweep meets Mrs. Lovett from Sweeney Todd. It’s SO over the top and terrible and delightful. Just like this British evil twin conceit: soapy and ridiculous and I am so on board with this nonsense. ‘Ello Guvnah! I’m your twin I is!   In a series of flashbacks, we get the sordid tale of Alex Drake: When Mary was in labor at Radley (in the 1940’s) she gave birth to Spencer, who was quickly whisked away by the Hastings family. So quickly in fact, that no one stuck around for Spencer’s twin sister Alex to be born. To buy her way out of Radley, Mary sells Alex to a fancy British family who raise her across the pond…until they realize that she is the baddest of bad seeds and dump her at an orphanage for evil geniuses. Flash forward, and teenage Alex is pulling pints in a bar where she runs into Wren. Wren can’t believe he’s found a British Spencer, and tells Alex of her true parentage. They fall in love (eww) and Wren arranges a meeting for Alex and Charlotte. Once the half sisters meet, they become thick as thieves, each finding the family they were searching so long for. Charlotte falls in love with Archer, and they proceed to double date their way around Europe. It’s like The Parent Trap, but with more wigs, murder, and asylum stays.  This is my Sarah Manning cosplay…fancy a shag?   But Charlotte can’t handle being away from the game, so she goes back to Rosewood to play with her dolls, where Mona murders her in the bell tower. Consumed by revenge, Alex sets out for Rosewood and picks up the game where Charlotte left off. In her quest to find out who murdered Charlotte, she gets a glimpse into the charmed life of Spencer Hastings, and wonders what could have been if she had that life. You know, that idyllic suburban experience where your father bangs every mom in town, you’re related to all your friends, and you spend your entire adolescence being terrorized by a maniac in athleisure wear. Ah, the stuff that dreams are made of! Alex starts cosplaying as Spencer and pops up in a series of flashbacks: Alex was the one who held Hanna when she was locked in that barn. Alex asked Toby for the goodbye kiss. Alex also banged Toby and fell for him. Soon enough, she decides she wants to be Spencer full-time, so she’s locked Spencer in her new dollhouse and takes over her life. She’s so into mirroring Spencer that she makes Wren shoot her in the shoulder so she has the same scar. She also uses Wren’s sperm to father Emily and Ali’s babies, before killing him and turning him into a diamond necklace. Which she wears around her neck. EVERYWHERE SHE GOES. I mean, it’s no bracelet made of teeth, but it’s still pretty bonkers.   Does this seem like a lot of exposition? Because it’s an insane amount of exposition. Alex isn’t revealed until at least halfway through this 2-hour finale, and she hits the ground running, checking off every unsolved mystery this show ever made up. Bitch can summarize! Alex heads off to Aria’s wedding, where no one notices anything different about her. Aria comes out in her bridal gown, and it is some wacky vintage nonsense that only Aria could cook up. Frankly, I’m surprised it was missing her signature leopard print pattern. It’s the last ever Emily Fields cleavage appreciation post!   Meanwhile, Mary tries to comfort Spencer by making her Peruvian chicken and assuring her that living life in a jail can be fun. Spencer begs Mary to release her, and Mary gives her a hug. Instead of bum rushing her birth mom out the door, Spencer cries in her arms. Once Mary locks the door, we see that Spencer has taken a bobby pin out of her hair. Someone is about to Nancy Drew her way out of this underground prison! Back at Wedding Central, Ezra still hasn’t shown up. Aria is crying Byron is threatening to beat up Ezra, and everyone is confused. Did Ezra have a crisis of conscience and decide not to marry the girl he seduced at 15? Of course not! Alex abducted him and threw him in a jail cell next to Spencer. Does Ezra help Spencer escape? Nope, he just mansplains lock picking to her with a pissy attitude. Back at Radley, the Liars are all sharing a room and consoling Aria. Alex climbs into bed and strokes Aria’s hair, telling her that they’ll be the closest of all. How did she find out about Team Sparia all the way in England?!  Team Sparia for Life   The next day, Alex meets Toby at the stables, where the horse starts freaking out because he knows she’s not Spencer. That, or she’s a vampire. Toby starts putting the pieces together. Later, Jenna meets with Alex and can tell just by smelling her that she’s not Spencer. Finally, Toby takes the book of French love poems Alex gave him, and realizes that it can’t be Spencer’s book because there aren’t any notes in the margins. Toby brings this information to the Liars, and everyone is like, “evil twin? Yup, sounds about right” and they go off in search of the real Spencer.  YOU’RE NOT MY MOM!   Back at the bunker, Spencer picks the lock and frees herself and Ezra. They try to escape from the bunker and run outside of the house…only to realize that they aren’t outside at all. The ceiling is painted to look like the sky, and there is fake grass and everything, but it’s just a dollhouse within a dollhouse. Mona confronts the Liars and tells them that Wren tried to kill her in Welby, but she convinced him she could help bust Mary out of prison. Mona has also tracked Spencer’s coordinates to Toby’s house, because she is in this damn game to win it.  Here I am, explaining this game to you dum-dums one last time!   The Liars bust their way into the bunker, where they stumble onto the classic twin face-off: Spencer and Alex wrestling, and trying to convince the Liars that they’re each the real Spencer Hastings. Oh, and Ezra hits his head on a rock. Toby grabs one of the twins and demands to know what their favorite poem is from the book, and the real Spencer (in classic Spencer fashion) starts reciting it in perfect French. The cops rush in and arrest Alex and Mary, and Spencer is reunited with her friends.  I’m the right real Spencer, you barmy old chaps!   The Ezria wedding gets a do-over, and everything goes smoothly, even Marlene King’s cameo as a photographer who didn’t turn off her cell phone. The Liars walk around the only square in Rosewood, and talk about how much they’ll miss Aria while she’s on her honeymoon. Spencer is back together with Toby, and Hanna reveals that she’s pregnant. They all hug and it’s very sweet.  So long Rosewood…you’re the 6th bitch at this table!   But what of Miss Vanderwaal? We find Mona living in Paris, selling antique dolls and making out with a beefy French dude. She steps into her backroom, where she has dollhouse decorated with two brunette dolls. The camera pulls back and we see Mary and Alex Drake imprisoned in a dollhouse of their very own. Looks like Mona won the game after all.  Praise be to VanderJesus, for ever and ever, amen.   Then the final scene is a rehash of the pilot opening, with Addison’s mean girls at a sleepover (with Maya’s cousin) waking up to find their queen bee missing. Nice try show, but I’m not spending another seven years with this hot nonsense. And that’s it: seven seasons of masks, wigs, doll parts, Grunwalds, and interchangeable white guys. Seven seasons of Shay Mitchell’s shiny pony-like hair and two facial expressions. Seven seasons of that same damn yellow top that Ali wore on the night she died a thousand times. I started this show the way most of us did, by reading Heather Hogan’s recaps and laughing along with the #BooRadleyVanCullen crew. I didn’t know then that I would go on to write recaps for Autostraddle and AfterEllen, nor did I know that AfterEllen would meet a cruel and untimely end. I didn’t know that I would meet my very own Twincer, Dana Piccoli, who would bring me here to the Bella Books blog to complete this ridiculous journey. To everyone who edited my work, gave me encouragement, and provided me with screengrabs (shout out to @PLLBigA) I want to say thank you. Bitch can appreciate! At its best, Pretty Little Liars was campy frothy fun with some serious heart. It gave the queers of the world Emily Fields and Paige McCullers and Alison DiLaurentis. It also gave us Ravenswood, Ezria, and oh so problematic treatment of Charlotte. Most importantly, it gave us an online community, a world of inside jokes and memes that bonded us nerdy, pop culture obsessed queer folks together. Visibility still matters, now more than ever. I will miss recapping this show, but more than that, I will miss the weekly check-in on Twitter, and laughing my face off at all your hilarious comments. I’m taking a break from recapping to work on my own writing, film my web series, learn how to fly a plane, assume an alias, speak to birds, and life-jack my twin. But just like Alison DiLaurentis, I’ll be back. I hope you’ve enjoyed these recaps over the past couple of years: I’ve enjoyed writing them and getting to know all you beautiful weirdos. Ending these recaps is a real mannequin leg to the heart. What else is there to say but…XOXO bitches! http://dlvr.it/PRGG7Q
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