#wow that was a way longer rant than I expected it to be

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

What if I got a service dog, what then (<- guy who definitely can’t afford a service dog)

[felikatze]

I think Happily Ever After and The Cage both explore some similar topics in inverse ways and once again the Prisoner and the Damsel are twisted mirrors of one another

Pristine Cut spoilers and discussion of abusive relationships below. One suicide mention but it's STP what do you expect tbh

Compilation of rant I went on on discord 👍

prisoner and damsel are very much always parallels since u take the same path to get to them so they're both versions of the princess that you the player Trust, right. and the Greys are a betrayal of that trust if you kill them, and all that. obvs w the prisoner being reluctant trust and the damsel being unconditional because Knife.

but HEA and Cage are both about being Trapped. In Cage, the Princess has seen the same thing happen twice now, she's disillusioned, she's never going to escape. It will be The Same Thing, Forever.

WHICH IS. THE EXACT SAME AS HEA. The Princess believes she is never going to escape. That it will be Just This, Forever. And both of them believe that it *has* to be Just This Forever even if they don't *want* it to be.

Both of this is shown through an Externalized Force. in Cage, that is the Princess' body, which she has conceived as separate from herself. The body simply acts as it must, which she has no input over. Ignoring, of course, that she can *make it stop.*

And that's the same way HEA can't imagine she'll ever escape the Smitten! She's afraid and scared of change, of the torches going out!! But she wants it more than anything!!

Yet these two routes are foils for each other, too. Bcuz in Cage, it's the Princess who enforces the pattern, and in HEA it's the Hero. (part of him, anyways.) What's interesting here too that both of the routes result from a breakdown of communications.

I said in my big long rambly Cage post, but Cage route doesn't happen bcuz Fate, it's bcuz the Princess wants the Hero to carry her head out and he just *doesn't get it.* He just didn't understand what she wanted.

And the leadup to HEA, everyone in Hero's head is upset because they can't communicate to the Princess what is freaking him out, and Smitten tries to... well... show her, I guess.

(Post-rant addition: Hey, both the Prisoned and the Smitten kill themselves to get their points across. Add that to the parallels tally!)

also like abusive relationship metaphors on both ends tbh. Smitten doesn't respect Princess' autonomy at all. I think part of that is the end of Damsel means he doesn't think she *has* any interiority when it's Hero + Paranoid/Opportunist who want the Princess to be a person instead of a doll, which causes her to be a Person Again in HEA. But Smitten is, again, just so stuck on the vision of Damsel who no longer exists.

+ you could also read Damsel chapter in the context of HEA as just seeing that this is the first person who could conceivably save her so she is leaning in HARD to the romance angle because she sees it as the best way to finally get out. Got herself into the romance out of desparation and now she's stuck and regretting it.

So TLDR Smitten doesn't actually respect Princess as a person and just wants her to be this perfect image he has of her, and we see also in HEA how he literally restrains Princess + Hero and deliberately scares Princess when she even dares voice her own opinion. Smitten sucks so bad in this one and it's shit of him but also thematically interesting and again a good escalation of his character.

Cage on the flipside is the typical "I can't help myself" excuse. See, *she's* not at fault here. It's her *body* doing this! Really, nothing could change this. And u see the rebuttal of that angle from the Hero's dialogue options ("You're making a choice. You're choosing violence *right now.*)

No matter how often she says she's just a head, she's still the one who physically restrained the Hero (wow, just like the Smitten!), it's her who refuses to listen to anything the Hero has to say (wonder who that reminds me of), and it's her who is hurting him, on purpose, to feel better about herself.

the "good" endings to these chapters (as much as there are no wrong endings) meaning leaving with the cage's head / dancing with hea under the stars, both of these only occur once Hero/HEA are finally heard and acknowledged. Cage is so rattled that the Hero didn't bring the knife that she finally actually listens to a single word he's got to say and the two can break out, and the final torch in HEA only goes out once Princess says "I'm so tired of this." and has the courage to say what *she* wants and is *listened to.*

in conclusion (x2): STP good 👍 i love you missus the cage

[girlboypersonthingy]

Hazbin gals reacting to their s/o saying "I love you" for the first time? (totally not self-indulgent, not at all)

Hell Yeah, indulge baby!!! I love me some sapphic hazbin fluff. The only ‘gals’ I write for are Charlie, Vaggie and Velvette. I hope that’s cool 🙂 👍🏼 if anyone wants part two with other characters… *cough* Lucifer *cough* let me know 😙 ENJOY ANON~

TW: swearing, Vaggie in lingerie, Velvette gets a little assertive 😉 mostly fluff tho

Hazbin Gals- First ‘I Love You’s 💘

Charlie ❤️‍🔥

Sitting on one of the couches in the lobby of the hotel, you watch with a content smile as your girlfriend paces back and forth, rambling on about her plans to save sinners and her mixed feelings about having a meeting with heaven. Charlie takes a few steps and pivots around before taking a few steps the other way, her fingers nervously fiddling with each other all the while her smile never fading.

“I’m just…I’m feeling so…AH! Ya know?” She finally scurries over to you and plops down on the couch, resting her hand on your knee. “Well I’m very proud of you, babe.” You respond with a smile but your eyes are fixed on her hand on your leg right now. As she continues her ranting, her words start to sound more like a song, the actual words not computing in your brain any longer. It’s just her pretty voice accompanied by her gentle touch. As if you couldn’t lose focus anymore, her hand shifts a bit, further up your thigh.

Her words stop abruptly, the silence causing you to look up at her. Her smile shrunk just a bit as she watched you, tilting her head to the side, her long hair swaying as it followed her movements. “What’s up, babe? You look like you’ve got something on your mind.”

“I-I uh…I love you.” It tumbles from your lips before you can stop it, before your brain can even register that you are speaking right now. The damage is done. All you can do now is stare at the gorgeous blonde in front of you with wide, expectant eyes and a worried, tight-lined frown on your lips.

Her face was…hard to read. Which is strange because the princess was usually so loud and dramatic and over exaggerated and so animated with her facial expressions. But this expression was one you’d never seen before. Her mouth was hanging open slightly, revealing her pearly white fangs. Her light yellow eyes were wider than you’ve ever seen them and the apples of her cheeks were nearly glowing red.

“Charlie? You…okay?” And like a switch being flipped, her expression changes completely. Now, her eyes are squinted up tight due to her huge, giddy grin. She’s holding her hands together tightly, slightly bouncing in her spot in front of you, soft giggles starting to sound from her.

“AWWWWW (Y/N)~” Charlie drags out saying your name, diverting her gaze elsewhere then bitting her lip shortly after. “I love you too. WOW!!! It feels so good to say that out loud and know you feel the same.” Her pale hands reach out for yours, squeezing your hands slightly as she looks into your eyes. “I love you.” She repeats at a much lower volume, making sure the words really sink in. Then she yanks you forward, wrapping you in a tight hug as soft giggles and dreamy sighs leave both your lips.

You’re not sure when she started crying because her body was once shaking from happy laughter and now, her body shakes as a soft gasp sounds from her, sniffling following shortly after. You pull away quickly to see her still sporting a big, goofy smile but with tears running down her cheeks. “You-you really l-l-love me…? AWW WWHAAAAA.”

Good job. You’ve reduced the princess of hell to a puddle of happy tears right in your lap. What else did you expect from the drama queen herself? Get ready for an all night cuddle session, complete with on and off kissing and crying.

Vaggie ⚔️

“Hey, hun. Good morning…” Vaggie mumbled softly to you as she groggily strolled towards you. This was a daily occurrence, a normal start to your morning- both of you getting ready in your own rooms then meeting in the lobby to say ‘good morning’ and then continue your day together. You had been dating for a good minute now but still haven’t moved into the same room. You decided a small boundary would be good for now until the relationship feels ready to move forward.

Today, a Saturday, you both thought it’d be fun to stay in your pajamas and have a lazy day. There were no solid plans today and you’ve been missing your girl so when you brought it up to her last night, Vaggie was more than happy to spend a lazy day with you. But holy hell…you’re at a loss for words when you realize her pajamas weren’t just pajamas. She had this absolutely gorgeous little white nighty on, a thin silky dress that barely covered her crotch and ass, hardly leaving anything to the imagination. Was she wearing it for this occasion, just to impress you? Or…is this what she always wears to bed?

All your blood rushes to your face within seconds, even your ears were fire red as your eyes stayed stuck to her frame in that night dress. She normally dressed pretty feminine and cute but you never expected her to wear such adorable lingerie to bed. Vaggie seemed to catch on immediately, looking down at herself briefly before looking back at you with down turned lips and furrowed brows. “Too much?”

“Oh shit, I-I’m sorry. No! Just caught me off guard with your…pajamas. You’re just so cute. Shit, sorry, lemme stop talking now.” You couldn’t bring yourself to look away, eyes frantically scanning over her small but toned little body. You felt like such a perv, suddenly looking away and trying to hide your embarrassed and ashamed face in your hands.

Vaggie sympathizes, understanding that you’re flustered but also very into her but also trying not to stare. She steps closer, gently grabbing both your hands in hers. She lifts both your hands up and gently interlaces her fingers between yours. Your clasped hands were sweaty as hell against hers, making her smile grow a little bigger. “I can go change.” She mumbles softly, her eyes scanning your expression, waiting for you to make eye contact with her again.

All you could muster up is a low hum in response as you shake your head ‘no’. “Oh so you like it then?” She steps even closer, her barely clothed body nearly pressed against yours now. You swallow thickly, your lip quivering ever so slightly as you inhale, scrambling to find the words to reply to her.

“Oh y-yeah, I love it actually! I love you.” Your hand comes to your mouth as if trying to shove those last three words back in. You can’t help but stutter your way through a second response, but Vaggie throws her own reply in as well. “You do?” Vaggie is nearly whispering now, watching as you panic. “Fuck! No, that’s not what I meant. I mean-Well, wait…I-I…” She can tell you’re malfunctioning and probably very close to imploding in on yourself as you decide what is the right thing to say next. You shake your head vigorously, waving your hands in the air as if trying to clear your foggy brain. When you finally take a breath and look back to her face, Vaggie is smiling sweetly, looking as though she might just melt straight down into the carpet below you.

“Oh, (Y/N/N)~ I love you too.” She closes in on you fully, her arms quickly finding themselves comfy around your neck, her blushy face just inches from yours now. “Hmm…you think it’s too much for everyone else to see?” She has a smug smile on her face now. She was trying to tease you at this point, seeing just how far she could take this before you’re collapsing into her arms.

“Are you suggesting we go some where more private?” You try to flirt back but your voice cracks and you can’t maintain eye contact for longer than a second or two. Your attempt at flirting yanks a loud laugh from her, making her throw her head back momentarily before she pulls back and grabs your hand. She begins leading you towards her room, replaying your voice in her head over and over as you said ‘I love you’. She’s gonna ask you to say it again once you’re in private.

And you just can’t stop glancing down at her barely covered ass and her fully exposed legs in that cute nighty as you follow behind her. I mean who can blame you?

Velvette 💀

Your girl is going off right now, having just gotten into some stupid fight with Valentino. You’re so super sure he’s the most toxic being you’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting and it irked you even more that he was her business partner, her roommate. This is a regular occurrence- Val barging into Velvette’s studio drunk as hell, yelling and smoking the whole room up. And every time, Velvette gets pissed and instantly starts spewing rude names and swear words at him. It’s honestly pretty frightening to have to sit back and watch, eyes darting back and forth between them as you cower in your seat, knowing that if you even try to intervene you might end up double dead.

But now, Val has been gone and out of sight for at least ten minutes now but Velvette is still completely irate. She’s now sitting beside you on a couch, just the two of you taking up space in the studio. You watch as she rants and rambles, her expression full of rage, her voice booming with a slight growl to it. You weren’t sure how to talk her down from this one, you don’t think you’ve ever seen her so…stressed.

You decide maybe a gentle touch would help pull her attention to you so you can further try to calm her and get her mind off Val. As your hand slips into hers, she holds it firmly but continues to vent, telling you all about her feelings. “Like what a fucking dickhead! Ugh! I don’t storm into his studio and interrupt his fuck fest.” Your other hand moves to join the one that’s already holding Velvette, gently rubbing up and down her arm. “Yeah, Im sorry, V. He’s the worst…”

Still, Velvette is talking at a rapid pace but her voice has become much softer, her face seeming to relax a bit as her eyes move to focus on the gentle hand on her arm. “Is there…anything I can do to calm you?” You try to interject, hoping to stop her train of thought from going crazy and derailing. “No, darling. No. It’s alright. I’m sorry you have to see me get so nasty and ugly like this. I just can’t control my temper sometimes. Oh, I’m so ashamed.” She turns her face away from you- this is a side of Velvette you’ve never seen before. She gets mad often, she does have a fiery temper and you’ve seen that well enough by now but you both know she’s never been this pent up and pissed off. The more she calms down, the more insecure she becomes…a side of Velvette no one has ever seen.

“Oh, no! Don’t apologize. I know you’re not yelling at me, you’re more…yelling to me. It’s good to vent, to get it all out. Don’t worry, babe. I love you-“ and her head turns so fast, you’re concerned about her neck for a second. It’s almost like she processed your words before you did. “Did…you just say you love me?” She leans back, not to get away from you but to get a better look at your face right now.

And now you’re burning up, feeling sweat start to form under your arms and on your forehead. Oh and your hands? Yeah, They’ve been sweaty! “Uh no, no…I uh…” You can’t even come up with an excuse or any kind of comeback before Velvette is on the move, slowly crawling over you with a devious smirk on her thin lips…excruciatingly slow…

“Nah ah ah. Don’t lie to me, darling.” She continues her pursue on you, pushing you back into the couch as she towers over you now, her hands on your wrists as she pins them back against the cushions. “Say it again.” With her so close to you, fully on top of you now, it’s becoming extremely difficult to avoid her gaze or try to escape the situation. “C’mon, I wanna hear it again.” She teases, leaning in to gently tap her nose on yours. Your breath catches in your chest, your stomach feeling warm and bubbly as you close your eyes, focusing in on her soft breaths wafting across your lips.

“I love you…” You finally get it out again, not daring to open your eyes. You’re pretty sure if you opened your eyes and looked up at Velvette right now, you’d completely erode away from embarrassment right before her eyes, just a pile of dust. Hearing the words again sends a jolt of electricity to Velvette’s brain and all her courage suddenly swells in her gut and she leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. It’s quick and soft and somehow better than every other kiss you’ve ever shared. Maybe it’s just the heat of the moment.

Finally, she got you to open your eyes again. The shocked look on your face makes her want to go even harder, tease you even more, turn you into a bright red jittery idiot right here right now. “I love you too, my darling little angel baby.” Velvette loves to call you that, she figures she’s more evil you’re more good, you balance each other out, yin and yang. Aaand yep! She was right, calling you cute pet names would break you even further.

Velvette sits back on the couch, cackling, gasping for air, trying her best to keep her eyes open through the tears so she can see your face. She’s not making fun of you…but she’s kinda making fun of you. She’s so very flattered you love her but you get so jumpy and shy when she presses you like that, she can’t help but take advantage sometimes. She adores the hell out if you and often wonders how a soft, gentle, kind heart like yours could truly be in love with a heart like hers.

“I love you more, (Y/N).”

Aaannddd cue the make out sesh

[charlessmiths-wife]

Quick Cass Drabble

hi! so, recently I made a post about some Cassandra hcs of mine, and in them I mentioned how I think it would be super comforting to have Cass rub your back whilst you, well, vent to her. so - tonight I felt inspired to right a small drabble based on that. nothing major - just a drabble. hope you enjoy!

CW! discussions of past bad relationships

——————————————————————————

The door to your chambers creaked open, and you pulled the covers closer around you.

You didn’t want her to see you like this.

You and Cassandra had been dating for three months, and whilst things had been going well - you were still careful around her in some ways. You were fearful of messing up, showing too much emotion around her. This was something previous exes of yours had criticised, calling you “needy” for even wanting a listening ear after a bad day.

You didn’t want her to think you were needy.

“My Love? Are you awake?” Came her voice, a whisper amidst the darkness of the room, as she crept slowly over to the bed you shared, clambering into her side.

She watched you carefully, and you stayed still as possible - hoping she might give up and try to sleep, because you were fearful you might just cry in a moment.

“Are you… sleeping? You can talk to me if you’re awake… I know your day has been completely miserable.”

She wasn’t exaggerating.

Right from the very start, your day had been awful.

You worked with Lady Dimitrescu, helping her with her wine business. As part of your duties today, you were supposed to greet potential clients that Alcina was meeting with.

A simple enough task, had the clients not been complete asses.

To make matters worse, Alcina had been running an hour behind schedule, meaning you were forced to spend even more time than expected with those idiots - listening to all their exhausting demands and snarky comments.

You liked to think of yourself as a fairly strong person, but even the most strong of people have their limits. And your limit came a half hour into the extensive two hour period you spent with those ‘people’.

So, yes. Suffice to say you’d had a bad day - and now you were curled up in a ball in you and Cass’s bed trying desperately to suppress any emotions.

But as her hand traced softly along your arm, you began to worry that it would be tricky to keep your feelings down much longer.

Her head rest on your shoulder, Cassandra wasn’t a typically physically affectionate woman - so it meant that much more to you that she was trying this hard to make you feel better.

“Talk to me, my love..” She whispered.

That was it. That’s all it took.

You broke down sobbing immediately, turning around to press your face into Cassandra’s chest, heaving sob after sob out.

She held you softly, calmly hushing you and rubbing up and down your back.

“Oh y/n… I knew you weren’t really sleeping… talk to me, dragǎ mea..”

You spend the next ten or fifteen minutes ranting all about your day to Cass. Telling her all about the ludicrous demands of the clients, the sneers that were on their faces the whole time, and the horrible comments you faced. She stays silent beside you the whole time, tracing comforting shapes along your back and occasionally pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“And then… one of them implied the only reason I worked for your mother was because I was dating you. They joked I “slept my way to the top”..” You choke out through broken sobs.

Cassandra stiffens up beneath you, her hands temporarily stopping her comforting motions.

“Which one said that?” She asks, speaking for the first time since you began venting, her voice signalling the fury she felt.

“Dunno… I didn’t bother listening to their names. He had ginger hair, though, and a beard. Oh, Cass - I was so upset…”

“Shh… don’t worry, you’re okay now… I’ll see to it that none of those men ever step foot inside Castle Dimitrescu ever again. If they want to come out alive, that is.”

You chuckle.

“Wow, you really know how to comfort a girl.” You tease.

Cassandra giggles, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Sleep, my darling. You’ll feel much better in the morning.”

And so you fall asleep lying on Cassandra’s chest, feeling so much better for having let your feelings out - any concern for those men or what they said long since gone, as the only thing you think of as you fall asleep is the sound of her breathing.

[patchver-mel]

Saw aromantic trending so I wanna rant share about my experience being aroace :D

It never really occurred to me as a kid that I was different when it came to romance and stuff. Whenever my friends talk about crushes, I often think about an entirely different topic cause I could never relate. It never interested me since I never felt it. People would have crushes on others in school, celebrities, or something else. But it never occurred to me that having no attraction wasn’t the norm since I always thought I’ll find the “right person” someday. I was just like “everyone gets a romantic partner eventually, why should I rush it?” Which is why I didn’t feel out of place for my lack of attraction. I was never rushed by my peers, but I was taught that love eventually happens.

Figuring out and accepting I was aroace was definitely a slow burn for me. I knew what the label was and I think I kinda identified with it but it felt like a label I tacked on cause I was always thinking in the back of my mind that I’ll like someone someday. Overtime, I realized that the present is what matters when identifying as something, and right now, I can confidently say I’ll never feel sexual and romantic attraction. I’ve come to accept that I’m aroace and I’m very proud to be.

Upon this realization though, I’ve seen how much this world and a lot of people in it values romance. So. Much. Amatonormativity. There were multiple times where I would hang out with a friend of a different gender and friends of that person would be like “oh wow u finally got a partner” or something. Like, we were just talking, which is something that, literally, everyone does. Sometimes I feel like everyone expects me to marry when I don’t want to. One time my sister was talking about her celebrity crush and my mom said “everyone has a celebrity crush” and when I replied with “I don’t,” she said “aww” like it was sad or something. And I don’t understand why?? It’s not a bad thing to not have a crush on a popular person. Also, I’m glad the internet lets me see other people are also aroace cause a lot of the time, I feel lonely. Literally all the people in my life have either had a crush and/or been in a relationship. I’m not sad I don’t feel that same attraction, but I would like someone in my real life to talk to about this, someone who’s able to understand the lack of feelings I have, someone who has the same ideas about amatonormativity. Yeah I’m good with being alone, but it can get lonely when it feels like I’m the only one who doesn’t feel romantic and sexual attraction in a 100 mile radius. I don’t got a desire to partner up in any kind of relationship, so I have to accept that I’m most likely not the first priority for anyone due to me not being their lover.

Despite those struggles, I’m still very glad to be aroace. It feels so nice to know that I can live a life that’s not pictured for me already. I don’t want a partner, I don’t want kids, I don’t want to marry, and other stuff. Anyone can do that, but I love not feeling crushes. I don’t hate romance or sex, but I don’t really care about it when it comes to real life. I never felt like I had to conform when it came to romantic relationships and I’m gonna keep doing that. If someone had a button that could give me romantic and sexual feelings, I would take the batteries out and shatter it into a million pieces, cause I’m damn glad to be aroace.

This thing turned out way longer than I expected and I know I’m a little late for aromantic visibility day but I just wanted to pour all this out. Thanks for reading all the way if u did and happy pride month y’all :>

[shyphonics]

Salad Days Chapter 3: When I was born, my mama cried, and picked me up with gloves.

(babypunk!Rodrick Heffley x reader)

part one | part two | part four

I wanna be stereotyped

I wanna be classified

I wanna be a clone

I want a suburban home

Suburban home

Rodrick wakes unusually early, 8 AM, still feeling weird. The rest of the band are still asleep. He grabs a beer from the fridge because, fuck it, nobody can tell him not to.

Getting shows is harder than he’d expected. He’s nervous, but he has to keep up a front, for the sake of the band. If he tells them he’s worried that they’ll never get a show, they might just give up. He can’t let on that there’s any negativity in his mind. He has to be a fearless leader. This has to work. This is their life now. It’s gonna be fucking amazing.

There are seven missed calls from home on his cell phone, and he decides to ignore them a little while longer. He doesn’t feel like talking to his parents, he knows they’d just be disappointed in him. He'd just have to hear about so-and-so from down the street who just got into law school. Or medical school. Or whatever the fuck kind of school.

No matter what he does, he knows he's a failure in their eyes.

Rodrick hadn't had any interest in higher education. He'd figured he didn't need it for the kind of life he was after. No matter how much his parents had guilted him.

He'd felt maybe a teeny, tiny bit guilty when everyone around him got their college acceptance letters. People started cliquing up based on which schools they'd gotten into and everything.

I hope we're dorm mates!

Are you taking psych 101?

Wow, you got a full scholarship?

Fuck off.

At one point, his dad had even caved and said, you can major in music theory!

And what, Frank? Show up to venues all like, here’s my degree! My masters in drums! Give me a show, please?

Yeah, right.

At least he'd had the rest of the band. Through everything, they'd always been on the same page. Always plotting a way out.

He takes a deep chug of his beer and pops his laptop open. He checks The Strike's website, and notices a radio feed in the top corner.

A nasally man's voice comes through his headphones. He's mid-rant, "-because they didn't understand us. And they never have, and they never will. My parents thought I was the devil. My dad loved The Eagles. I hated The Eagles with every fiber of my being. If I could say one thing to my father- and Glenn Frey- right now, it'd be: suck it. Punk never dies."

Rodrick suppresses a laugh as a song starts. He's pretty sure he recognizes it, and the words are really resonating with how he's felt since he left home.

Clicking through The Strike’s event calendar, he almost does a spit take. Friday night. They’ve got a show.

Suck it, Frank and Susan!

“Wake up, fuckers!” he yells, causing bodies to stir around the living room.

“Dude, shut up.” Ben groans from the couch.

“You shut up! We have a show! In 2 days!”

That does the trick, and everyone is up and shouting in celebration, drowning out their downstairs neighbor hitting the ceiling with a broomstick.

His email blinks with a new message:

Let’s see what you got, diaper boy.

~

Gettin’ high with your friends

On the basketball court

Sunglasses on when you sleep

Yeah, that's a sport

They're absolutely decked out. Denim, leather, patches, and studs as far as the eye can see.

You recognize Rodrick from your post at the bar, dressed like an aging member of a hair metal band, desperately clinging to his youth. He’s fumbling with his ID and a pair of dark sunglasses while Jimbo, the bouncer, impatiently crosses his arms. The rest of his band, you assume, make it through easier.

“The show’s in two days! What are you doing here?” you shout, drying a glass with a rag.

They look like a child biker gang, hopped up on sugar.

“Making ourselves known!” one of the others replies. He’s got a high pompadour, and a leather jacket that is entirely too small for him. You chuckle as they all take a seat.

“What’re you havin’?” You toss the rag over your shoulder and meet Rodrick’s eyes.

“Beer?” He says, unsure.

“Type?”

“Uh. Cheap? Cheapest, please.”

“Natty Light. Two bucks. Plus tip.” You wink, rooting around in the fridge under the bar.

“Tip? You got it out of the fridge.” Rodrick raises an eyebrow.

“And I opened it,” you pop the beer open, setting it down hard to make your point.

“Okay, okay. Uh, what’s a tip on that?” He looks panicked, digging in his wallet.

“I’m fucking with you. It’s a two dollar beer.”

He sheepishly hands you three singles, and you tuck the third into your bra. You hate to say it, you really do, but he’s kinda cute. All dressed up to drink shitty beer with his friends. He’s got a nice nose, despite the visible break, and enough eyeliner on to join a family of raccoons. It suits him.

He takes a sip and flinches, “This is awful.”

“If you hadn’t said cheap-est, you woulda had more options!” You laugh.

The rest of the guys order a round of PBRs, a four dollar option, and well whiskey shots.

“Ooh! Classy,” you mockingly fan yourself, “What fine young gentlemen.”

“Hey, how come it’s empty in here?” One of them asks.

“It is…” you check the clock behind the bar, “four pm.”

They stare at you.

“Broad daylight.” You deadpan, setting four shot glasses down on the bar.

The Strike is an old building, all chipped red paint and rickety metal. Rodrick’s eyes linger on a giant sculpture of a flaming match above the bar. Posters from their heyday line the walls: Agent Orange, Circle Jerks, Violent Femmes, Adolescents. There’s a weird song playing; the chord progression seems all out of whack, and from what Rodrick can tell, the singer is chanting suicide, suicide.

“What song is this?”

“You don’t know? it’s your favorite,” you tease, smirking at him.

He’s got nothing. You figured.

“Dead Kennedys, ‘Straight A’s.’ Come on, man. It’s a good one, too. Sixteen on the honor roll, I wish that I was dead. That was me!”

“Whoa. What? What happened?” One of the others asks. He’s got flat ironed blonde hair and big hipster glasses, and his mouth is hanging open.

“Well,” you tilt your head, “Let’s just say my hair and eyebrows have fully grown back, and my parents don’t know my whereabouts. The punks took me in, and I never looked back.”

“What do you mean they took you in?” The one with the shaved head looks at you with genuine concern.

“Okay, so like, this is a bar. People play here. People also play empty buildings, and shitty old houses.”

They’re hanging on your every word.

“I used to run the doors for house shows, collect the five bucks or whatever, stop fights, and then I could sleep in the houses. Then they started paying me, I met my band, I met Mike… and now I’m here!”

You pose, attempting to look successful.

“That’s really cool, but also, like, sad. You don’t talk to your parents?” One of them asks, eyes glittering.

“Don’t need ‘em.” You try to smile reassuringly. You hadn’t meant to bring the vibe down, but hey, they’d asked.

Rodrick’s eyes are fixed on you. His expression is strange. You decide to break the tension.

“You gonna drink that, baby boy?” You tap your fingernail next to his shot.

He looks up at you, lips trembling like they’re trying to form words. His friends are cackling.

“Uh, y-yeah, totally.”

Oh. He’s never taken a shot. None of them have, you realize, as you look down the line and see full glasses.

“C’mon, losers! Take ‘em down! What are you here for?” You holler, channeling your best drill sargent, “I’ll do it with you, fuck it!”

You pour yourself a shot of shit whiskey, raising it in the air, “Let’s go!”

They mirror you and raise their glasses.

“Here’s to Big Rod and The Diapers!”

Gulp. You look around. They’re all puckering their lips and tearing up. You have a brief moment of recovery as well.

You exhale heavily, “Yeah, that’s what happens when you get well liquor. Does a body wrong.”

They laugh, still groaning.

You turn the music up from the big stereo behind the bar, and the guys are all chatting amongst themselves. They seem to be having a great time, and you’re prepping the back of the bar for the small crowd about to pour in at five.

The whiskey hits Rodrick’s head, and he feels pretty goddamn proud of himself. This place is awesome. They have a show here. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and decides he's finally going to call home. Hearing your story had made him actually miss his mom. Maybe she’d even be proud of him.

“I'll be right back,”

His friends wave him off, and he heads into a doorway where the bathrooms are. He dials the number and sighs heavily, shaking off his nerves.

“Hello?”

“Hey, uh, hey mom,”

“Rodrick! Oh, thank goodness, did you change your mind? Are you coming home? We can start applying to colleges again, and…”

“What? No, I… I got a show! At a real venue.”

“Oh.” She sounds disappointed, “Are you getting paid?”

“Wh- I don't know! It's in two days. I'll let you know. Nice to know you're still so supportive, though.”

“I'm just worried about you.”

Rodrick frowns, refusing to speak.

“Do you want me to put dad on?”

“No,” Rodrick scoffs, “tell Greg I say hi.”

He hangs up, standing there, sulking for a moment. Why the hell was he expecting anything different? Don’t need ‘em.

He hears a commotion towards the front of the bar. He peeks around the corner, and sees the bouncer restraining a short, stout guy with a shitty little mustache.

“Lemme go, Jimbo!” he struggles.

“Tony! We told you not to come back here!” You march around to the front of the bar and put your hands on your hips.

“What did I even do?”

“You got broken glass and blood all over the dance floor! You know who had to clean it up?” You're right up in his face, taunting him.

Tony is part of a small group who only come to shows to beat the daylights out of each other. They're sweet when you get to know them, but reckless, and horrible for the bar ecosystem. Last Saturday had been hardcore night, and Tony and his buddies had managed to turn a very respectful pit into an absolute bloodbath.

He's still squirming. The bouncer has him in a full Nelson at this point, he's not doing himself any favors.

“I had to clean up your fucking blood, asshole! That's a health hazard!” You land a light flick on his nose and he grumbles. It's probably broken, and you feel just a little bad. “Not cool!”

Jimbo carries him outside like a child and dumps him on the curb. Rodrick is slowly creeping to the front of the bar, eyes wide. He's cautious, but part of him can't help but think how cool you are.

“Dont come back! Remember what I said, I can put the Hell's Angels on your ass in a second!" The bouncer’s voice booms.

The rest of the band notice Rodrick’s presence and they share a frightened look. This is getting serious.

Jimbo shuts the door and laughs. He's a huge man, mountain-like even. He's got long hair with a beard to match, adorned with rings, like a viking. His laugh does not match how scary he is. He sounds like Santa Claus.

You're laughing too. Jimbo is the perfect bouncer; strong and intimidating, but a total softie underneath. He's the honorary uncle of everyone at The Strike.

“You're a Hell's Angel?!” Ben pipes up, shocked.

“Nah,” Jimbo chuckles, “I just have a beard and a bike. Little fuckers like Tony scare easy, though."

Rodrick feels his heart hurt a little less as everyone around him laughs. He could get used to this. It feels like being in a weird little family.

“Oh boy,” you say quietly, hearing the familiar sound of fuck, fuck, fuck! coming down the stairs. It's Mike.

“What’s goin’ on, Mike?” you ask, grabbing a glass and filling it with seltzer water, topping it with a lime.

“Fuckin, booze delivery Saturday, show Friday! Spring break! Fuckin… frat boys!" His voice is high and nasally. Rodrick immediately recognizes his voice from the radio show earlier.

He chugs the water in one go, and slams it on the counter.

“Mike, we got plenty. All the bottles are at least half full, and the walk-in has, like, fifteen cases of beer.” You say, refilling his glass.

“Frat. Boys.” He repeats, running a hand through his tall, silver hair.

Rodrick grimaces. He really, really hopes none of those frat boys will be from back home.

“Isn't this a punk bar, though?” Ward asks.

Mike moves his head like a meerkat to look at Ward, squinting through his Buddy Holly glasses.

“Who are you? And they don't care! They'll go anywhere there's noise and booze!”

“Alright. Focus. Ideas, solutions,” you try to recenter your neurotic boss.

“They said we could come get it, but that delivery’s not gonna fit in a goddamn ‘94 Corolla.”

Ben leans back from the bar and looks at Rodrick, raising his eyebrows. Rodrick gets it, and smiles back, pointing at Ben.

“We have a van!”

Mike whips around to look at Rodrick.

“Who are you?”

“We’re Löded Diper, uh, sir?” he cringes at his own words.

“Ew. Don’t do that.”

“I don’t know why I did,” Rodrick’s eye twitches, “but we’ll totally get your booze.”

Mike gives him a suspicious glare, then ducks behind the bar to grab a notepad. He scribbles furiously and waves Rodrick over to show him the paper.

“That’s where you go. That’s who you talk to. That’s our order. Be there at 11 AM tomorrow, get it here by 1.”

“We’ve totally got it!” Chris shouts from the bar, making Mike jump.

“Don’t fuck me over!” Mike turns to point at Chris, then makes his way back up the stairs.

You look at Rodrick, mouthing nice! and giving him a thumbs up. He nods, giving you a big grin. It’s the first real smile you’ve seen from him, and it gives you a little flutter in your chest.

Pretty cute.

~

Hold my head, make me warm

Tell me I am loved

Give me hope, let me cry

Make me feel

Give me touch

The guys are all passed out for the night. Rodrick finds the radio feed from earlier and puts his headphones in, laying back on the couch. This time, the host is different.

"This is 98.7, your last independent radio option in a hundred mile radius." A calm, warm voice greets his ears, and he has a pang of recognition.

Is that...?

"I've been thinking about this song a lot today," the host says, "this one's for whoever needs to hear it."

Brain death. Mind death. School damage! Straight A's!

Rodrick sits up. Holy shit. It is you!

He closes his eyes and lets the song take him over. For how dark the lyrics are, it's oddly comforting. Today had really made him feel less alone.

Life isn't just bullshit for him- he'd known that, of course- but now he knows it. He's seen it. He's not a disgrace for going after his dreams.

He's finally in a place where that's not such a crazy idea.

If you're okay, if four other bands are okay... he's gonna be okay. He doesn't need anyone's approval. Fuck 'em.

He lays back as the song ends and another begins, a sense of relief washing over him. Eventually, he falls asleep to the sound of your smooth radio voice mixed with crunchy, old punk demos.

Everything is gonna be okay.

He knows it.

[sunlikesdrawing]

Time to rant about enneagrams once again, and IT'S TOBI'S TURN THIS TIME AROUND

(This post is a countinuation from this)

I want to go more into detail about Fenn too cause I didn't mention his tri-center last time, and that's also an important aspect about enneagram, so I might mention him at some point.

(Just to be clear, I still have a lot to learn about enneagram, so some things I say might not be completely accurate to theory)

I'll start by giving a quick (spoiler: it wasn't that quick) definition of what a tri-center is, just so you don't have to look it up. To keep it simple, the nine different enneagram types divide in 3 centers of intelligence: the heart/feeling triad (2, 3 and 4), the gut/instinctive triad (8, 9 and 1) , and the head/thinking triad (5, 6 and 7). We all have a primary center that belongs to one of these triads, but since we humans aren't all gut, all heart or all mind, we also have a center from the other two triads. These don't tend to be as predominant as the primary, but they're still there and they define the way our other ways of processing the world apart from our main work. Each center is also tied to certain emotions: anger and rage for gut, guilt and shame for heart, and fear and anxiety for head.

Actually, to put Fenn as an example: he'a a type 1, a gut type. His wing is a 2, so he shares many things with heart types as well (this actually fits his character pretty well). His tri-center would be 1-2-6 (he's likely a 6, but he could possibly be a 5 too).

Now, going back to Tobi.

He's definitely been a lot more complicated to define than Fenn. I'm pretty sure he's a type two, but I don't know whether he's w3 or w1, which leads me to think he might have balanced wings (shares equal amount of qualities from both), or that I'm just misstyping him.

Twos are loving, compassionate, adapting, generous, supportive, and tuned in to how people feel. Their core desire is to feel loved and wanted for who they are, while their fear is being unloved or unneded, and when they're unhealthy they can become people pleasers, (and here's where I feel like we start drifting away from Tobi a little->) manipulative, martyr-like and intrusive.

The thing is, type two and nine very often get misstyped for the other because they're very similar, and I'm actually still unsure about which one Tobi is. But assuming his core is two, his tri-center would still be 2-9-6 (heart, gut, head in that order), so the nine is still present there. Another thing to add is when a type is in stress or unhealthy, it tends to start behaving like a different one. In 2s case it would be 8, but I believe Tobi might have 9 tendencies when stressed (stressed 9s tend to neglect serious issues, repress negative emotions, become people pleasers and act passive-agressive). Either that, or he's just actually a 9 type, and then his tri-center would be 9-2-6.

WOW OK THIS GOT LONGER THAN I WAS EXPECTING. I was gonna talk about the wings next, but I think I might leave that to another post so this doesn't become an essay lmao

[boo-moved]

👀

:0 oh wow hi, the amazing writer is in my ask box holy shit!!

thank you so much :)

so this is actually a Wip for a longer fic for @shepherds-of-haven because I’m a total geez and sucker for IFs so I hope it don’t disappoint my fandom folks

He sprinted through the halls, boots tapping against the ground as he rushed to the entrance. The wards said there was no malice between the visitors, but that still means nothing if they alert Quillal’s presence.

He wasn’t quite expecting the dark red eyes to lock with his almost immediately. Maybe he could have snuck up, or at the very least be threatening, but no, this… being twisted his gut in both fear and something else.

The cold unwavering expression dug straight into his core, but there seemed no harshness behind the stare, only neutrality and a hint of interest. He found himself delving deeper into those eyes, the swirl of red and gold capturing his gaze and sucking him in.

There was something else in there, something more powerful than he could imagine, it was intensely unnerving and yet… He desired more, he wished to inspect this feeling and toy with it, to surround himself in the sheer power and knowledge, to learn it all.

The movement of others behind the first pulled him out of his trance, but the one closest to him still caught his focus. The full shining lips, and tanned skin dappled with freckles and pale scars.

His face flushed and body rose in temperature as he looked lower, a dark white top with a lacking covering for his ample breasts, a tattoo poking out to his collarbone from between.

The leather harnessing dangled with baubles, from daggers to iron tools to which he didn’t recognize their purpose-

The leader, or who he supposed the leader to be spoke, fully pulling his attention away from the mage.

Normally outsiders (and even those on the inside) never listen to his rants, either seeming to interrupt or simply don’t listen. Yet this one… he watched with an intent face and smirk tugging at his lips. His eyes glinted with a wonder almost when Red spoke on the surroundings, after this went down he would have to take the Shepherd to the caves.

“How is it… learning in a circle like this.” He seemed apprehensive, gloved hands gripping it’s biceps, showing off another tattoo, a snake.

“Most who self teach end up killing themselves or becoming caught by the Inquisitors. It’s better here, like a family, but when things like this happen…”

“It hurts more, because of that closeness you crave.” His brows furrowed, sharp canine poking out and pressing down on his bottom lip.

“And you?” His hands released their grip on his arm, revealing the soft, paler, under skin of his limb. Lashes of burns trace the arm, palms blistered and calloused, and flesh burnt and scared, markings of one who was taught alone.

Without thinking he reached out, not quite catching the way the Shepherd flinched at the touch. He traced the scar tissue, feeling each groove and callous. The heat emanating from the body was warm, no wonder it required no jackets like the others, he seemed to prefer the element of fire, matching the blood ruby eyes.

His fingers danced up his skin, feeling the muscles twitch beneath, he seemed to be built, preferring physicality to magic, despite how strong his raw magic seemed to be.

A cough sounded behind him, a familiar one, Pan.

“Hammer?”

“Yes, very phallic and all.” Pan winked at the Shephard, who hid a smile behind his hair, dimples pressing up against his eyes.

“…May I see the hammer?” He cocked his head, curiosity exuding off the motion.

“Now hey, you haven’t even told him your name, now you want to see his hammer, least take him to dinner now,” Pan laughed at his own joke, the Shephard only rolling his eyes, but playing along nonetheless.

“Vincent, my name, it’d be best to be mostly transparent as we will be exploring fucky dreamland together won’t we?” He raised a single brow, leaning back against the wall behind him.

“Ah, well you already know mine so-“ for no obvious reason his face had flushed, eyes flicking from person to person, not wishing to look at the one currently watching him with an amused grin.

“We don’t have much time, can’t we do this after.” Blade pushed past them, Chase following behind.

His heart pounded in his chest, everything was wrong, off, he killed them all with his curiosity and now with no more blood to satiate it’s hunger, it goes after him.

There was another survivor, someone familiar, and yet so distant, but the feeling as he clasped his hand around theirs felt right, more than anything else surrounding him.

“Red, Red, it’s only a dream.” The voice was distorted, but melancholic, bringing him to the brink of awareness, just enough to set the beast aflame.

His heart felt as though it would beat out his chest, lungs constricted as his throat burnt for air. Firm hands grasped his shoulders, pulling him into a soft and warm embrace. Fingers wrapped around his nape as the other’s forehead met his, words of comfort leaving beneath their slanted breaths.

It felt like eternity as he took in the scent of the man, the twinge of tree and hearth, welcoming and nostalgic. All things had to end though, the peace was ruined by looking up and seeing the state of Shep- No, Vincent.

His curls dusked over his red rimmed and downtrodden eyes, glassy with a fearful expression. His bottom lip stained with blood, arms raked with the markings of claws. This was nothing like the unfearing man from before.

“What did you see?” He brought his hand up to push back the fallen curls, a burst of energy going through him as they leaned into his palm, eyes closing.

“I saw nothing before this… I awoke here and found you through the door.” A flat faced lie, one that they both knew was shit, but the Shephard had no energy to concoct anything more.

He didn’t understand why he pulled away, touch still lingering on him, as if he were still there in spirit. He stood, following after the shorter, until the two stumbled across the others.

Chase and Blade showed relief when they showed up, Chase jumping up and meeting the male halfway to a familiar embrace, fingers tracing his bicep.

He watched as Vincent stepped forward, their hand grasping the mortician’s blade, the ivory handle blending with the obsidian colored gloves.

“And you… I can send you back, protect them all from your mistakes, your failures, make you stronger so that you can protect them.” He froze in place, face paling and hand shaking around the handle.

Then he lunged, black ichor bursting from the wound, breaking the trance of all the others as they came into action.

In the end it was the Shephard who finished Quillal off, teeth bared as if a predator, his stance reflecting on that observation.

A whisper, barely audible, like a droplet of rain hitting the ocean, “You don’t deserve a word, it’d only be a waste on someone like you.” It may have been low, but to those who heard it, it was born of complete and utter malice.

Red felt the world around him tremor as the Shephard brought his hands up, red flame building up, but quickly changing color to a pale blue. Sheer power ran through the man, Red could taste it on his tongue, sending a shiver through him, jutting straight to his core.

Then there was something else, something darker, the veins visible on his hands went dark, almost as if looking into an abyss.

His breath caught in his throat, he could only recount three things that could cause that, none were pleasant.

Then light flashed, and he was forced back into Blest, as were the others. Memories becoming scarce of their time between planes.

Most seemed steady, devoid of any obvious injuries, but Vincent… his eyes were lidded, knees weak, hands quivering and bleeding.

“Burnt myself, fuck it all, least it’s dead.” He looked up at Red, shooting a thumbs up before practically collapsing.

“Let’s rest, for now we are able without fear.”

None of them could sleep, not after what they had witnessed, they had met with the others while heading to the room of Vincent, knowing somewhere inside that he could help, and that he would be awake.

But he was absent, gone from the room seemingly without a trace. The others still stayed, sitting in front the fire and laying close to one another, keeping out a watchful eye.

Red on the other hand, knew almost exactly where the other mage was, somewhere alone.

And that’s where they were, curled up against a dank corner, staring into the underground river, the glow of the natural lights illuminating the facial features of the lonesome Shephard.

“You were right, I do like it, I wish I could’ve seen a play you all would put on, likely scandalous.” The sound of the river covered up all sounds, that’s why most of the mages used it for… regardless, how did he hear Red?

“I didn’t hear you, I felt you, also smelt, you have a pleasant scent.” He threw a smooth stone into the river, watching it skip once before plopping into the shallow divot.

He deigned to sit next to the man, watching the still shaking fingers grasp for another stone.

“It’s nice to be alone you know, especially in a place like this.” He flipped the smooth stone between fingers, a delicate action often performed with a small blade. A heat pooled in his gut as he watched the talented digits, he desperately wished to pull his gaze away, but it seemed like with all things, the Shepherd never ceased to not pull him in like so.

“You aren’t alone though, I’m here.” He finally broke his stare, looking to the turquoise water.

“No, and yet I still enjoy this. Wonder what that could mean.” There was a pause as Red attempted to decipher the meaning,

“I’m being sardonic, I enjoy your presence, it’s a welcome change. I do wonder why you joined me though?”

“You weren’t in your room.” A stifled laugh emanated from the man beside Red, a crisp and beautiful sound.

“Ah, attempting to show me your hammer then, I see. A midnight rendezvous if you will.” Red felt himself flush, heating up, images filtered his mind, images he desperately wished to file for later use.

“I- we were worried for you. I wasn’t trying to- well.” He watched as Vincent’s face fell almost, then back to the neutral expression as before.

“Makes sense then, no one could sleep, so they found each other.” He threw the stone.

They sat in silence for a long while, occasionally one would glance over to look at the other, never quite at the same time.

“I lost my dagger, in Quillal that is,” The Shephard broke the silence, “It was my favorite one too, spent a pretty penny on it, but that doesn’t matter too much. I just-“ he sighed, placing his head on his knees and side-eying Red.

“Why did you lie, about what you saw?” Dead silence in the cavern, not even the sound of shallow breathing could penetrate the silence manifested from the two.

“I was scared. And that is weak.” He bared his teeth, almost hissing out the last word.

“I was scared and yet you-“

“You being scared is not weak, me being scared is, you wouldn’t understand, Circle mage.”

There was a sudden change from the distant, yet close Shephard, to this.

“Then make me understand.” His lust to learn overpowered any other feeling, any tidbits of knowledge he wanted to swallow up, especially ones from him.

“I have to protect them, and I’ve failed, I’ve failed because I was weak, and why was I weak? Because I was scared, or emotional. I can’t take that chance, not with them, not again.” He was expecting anger, not this, not this raw and untouched emotion.

“I do… You think becoming archmage during this… this crisis could make me unknowing to that feeling!” The cave went silent yet again, Red unable to see the soft face through the mound of curls.

“I’m sorry, we are different, but you understand. I wish you didn’t, but nonetheless you do.” He sighed, leaning back against the wall.

“I saw my old home, that was destroyed long ago, the demon wanted to trick me, but I-“ He turned, face to face, and almost in a flash he was straddling Red, hands holding either side of the Mage’s head.

Red was shocked into silence, mouth opening and closing like a docked fish, he was confused as to the sudden touch, afraid to do anything to provoke the one above him.

They locked eyes once again, this time Vincent seemed conscious of the search, he was looking for something.

After precious moments of the intense watch, it was appeased and leaned into Red, forehead to forehead, just like before.

This was different than before though, their noses touched and lips only inches apart. Earlier the touch was for appeasing Red’s beating heart, and now it’s causing it.

He desperately wished to touch him back, to wrap an around his waist and pull the Shephard in, but something stopped him. He desired the touch, but feared something he wasn’t sure of.

So he simply watched and waited, he studied each of the man’s features, his curved and beautiful plump lips, his strong nose, soft cheeks and jaw, and above all his hair. The sweet smelling brown curls that cascaded down his face and neck, tickling Red’s exposed skin.

He only wished to bury himself in the open throat, lips pressed to the collarbone and nose nudging at his pulse. He took a shaky breath in, purging all thoughts from his mind, he simply needed to focus on the now, not wishes and wants.

“Fuck.” And as sudden as it started, the Shephard pulled away, appalled at his own actions.

“Red, my apologies for the… touch, it must’ve been my lack of sleep lowering my inhibitions. I deeply apologize and hope that you don’t feel uncomfortable. Goodnight.” He stood up, stiff legged as he made his way back into the circle.

“Vincent-“ his voice was lost among the drops of water, and in fact, so was he.

[lizzieblabbers]

im sorry i neglected this blog

not gonna lie, life has been pretty messy lately. a lot is happening all at once, and i am sad to inform you that my little brain can't just keep up.

i am sooooooo busy with school (uni is uni-ying), personal life is going upwards then downwards then upwards again it's like im in a fucking roller coaster each day i wake, my mind is undergoing some sort of midlife crisis i dont even know i had... you get the picture

these may be some of the reasons why i havent written anything for the past few months, but to address the elephant in the room--yes, i have lost my 'passion' for writing. i have completely lost the magic.

it's hard to admit, but i am not producing any creative juice lately. at least to my liking.

wow, it feels so different to actually acknowledge it. the fuck HAHA

anyway i know ill eventually find my way back again, but i am sure as heck (i cant curse its good friday) it would not be right now.

i promised myself to get back to writing drabbles every sunday, but it seems like the universe is testing every fiber of my being so the first quarter of the year is already close to being done and my wips aren't getting anywhere...

ok so today honestly i woke up with a headache, stayed longer in bed than intended, and did not show up for my daily morning walks so i guess i should have known im gonna have a bad day (which, ironically, gave way to the writing and actual posting of this entry??)

i should sleep early today and end the week productively because i honestly have a lot to do and on top of that, i have a class on monday!!?

okay enough for this rant post, i just want to know the internet people that im still alive nd kicking (at least, im trying to)

BYERZ EXPECT TO HEAR MORE FROM ME IN THE SUCCEEDING DAYS (hopefully)

[podlaskazazula]

Warcraft rant 2:

My actual problem with "Sylvanas" book? Let's start with first chapter. Alot of people say that actually only second part of book is bad and first is good but Imo? No. First part is as bad as second.

Like: I don't think that Sylvanas would uncover herself to Anduin so fast. She wouldn't be like "uhh i will just tell you my sad life story". Before I started being into warcraft I always imagined her as master of manipulation, cold and deep personality etc, and seeing her act like edgy emo middleschooler oc makes me... dissapointed?

Also a bit later. I can't stand her as teenager/young adult etc. She is annoying. She acts like a child even when she is adult, she can't control her emotions and doesn't think. Like that thing with Alleria was annoying, I don't understand why they had to make Sylvanas fuck up her trial. If there only was way to make Alleria reject being Ranger General without Sylvanas doing stupid things hmmm.

And her brother. Omg he seemd to be smarter than her. Literally kid was smarter than her, however in the end he played stupid game and won stupid prize. Bro, you never trained and expect to not be killed? XD I would understand if he was killed because idk he panicked, got lost and scourge found him etc. But yes, first thing you should do when your nation are destroyed by unknown force is blindly picking up sword or other shit that you never worked with and going on enemy xD Wonder how it will end up like?

And Nathanos. Like I really like Nathanis x Sylvanas, one of my favourite ships, but I feel like it was so forced. Why they didn't had any longer interactions? Because it felt like she feel in love with guy she only saw for short time. Maybe it's because I like slowburns, but ehhhh, that book didn't did Sylvanos good.

And next, finally Arthas appears. To be honest, it was least problematic part, but... That one page when Arthas was like "ohoho you were so beuatiful before you died" and at least in polish translation she was like "uhh and you stink". I totally lost it . I was like NO. I don't have much to add, it was just so cringy that I can't.

And I didn't liked how Anduin reacted to her s. attempt. Like I expected him to understand more and not trying to tell her some shit that people who don't understand depression say.

And something just about polish translation: I heard that it's Blizzards weird politics, but nah, I hate that they really have to translate everything. Like they even translated name, Sylvanas to Sylwana. Imo they shouldn't stop there but just call her Sylwia, Anduin would be Andrzej and Arthas would be Artur. It could be reference to King Arthur!! 🤡

Not the end, I will continue ranting because words doesn't describe how I hate canon wow characters in book and how much I feel that they need justice and rewriting.

[ylojgtr]

so i am on facebook for two reasons: 1) marketplace, how else will i find the local deals on harmonicas? and 2) the harmonica community, facebook is the only place ive found where the expert players and technicians are active and responsive that's not a 20 year old forum i cannot for the life of me get an account on. and, being on facebook, i am subjected to the stupidest fucking people i swear

ignoring the "i stand with israel" pfps im seeing, the amount of 100% ai accounts saying things like "this boy built this with his own hands, show him love" and showing the most 2021-ass ai hands that have comments of genuinely impressed people saying "wow good job" or, even more depressing, people saying "i doubt he did that with his own hands, his father probably did it and had him pose" like...they're old so ofc they're not going to get it, but shouldn't there be some sort of tagging system for ai posts? shouldn't that fall to meta to protect their users? (obviously i don't expect them to do anything all they want is money but it's still fucked up)

but the thing that made me want to post is the tumblr memes. the shitty, pixelated screenshots of tumblr posts that are taken SO SERIOUSLY, and they have no clue it's from tumblr. i just saw one posted by neil degrasse tyson, the figurehead of using "science" and "reason" to uphold already settled in biases, of that post where someone drew a line from japan to hawaii across the ocean and said "of course pearl harbor was an inside job, planes couldn't have flown that far" or sth like that. and the conversation continued "can't they go around the other way?" "no, the earth is flat. basic science." "i love the logic that planes can't just fly over land" and neil posts it with the caption "sometimes *laughing emoji, laughing emoji, facepalm emoji*" and the responses are all "is humanity going down the drain?" to which everyone says "yes" or "you can't use your inability to comprehend science to debate its fact" or some shit like girl. it's a joke. i scrolled through HUNDREDS of comments and VERY few recognized this (probably because they don't get the most interaction cause they were sorted by "most relevant" but that's still a sign of something). more people were saying shit like "let's not give attention to flat earthers cause it just fuels the fire" IT'S A JOKE THEY TALK ABOUT COMMON SENSE BEING DEAD HOLY FUCK

that was a much longer post than i expected but whatever it was fun to rant

lmao and i just got thinking about the multiple times my family says something like "what do you even do on tumblr i thought it was dead" and then send me these facebook tumblr memes and they're always shocked when i tell them their origins

[swiftly-sophie]

“so basically i’m just a liar” -Conan Gray, and me right now, writing this post

wow. i’m very unreliable. i don’t really have an excuse for this one. the end of the school year, for me, is inching closer—4 and a half days, not like i’m counting or anything—and even though i’m done with my exams and everything, so there’s no more work-related stress, people are still going out of their ways to make my life miserable—you think i’m being overdramatic, but it’s true, i promise you. i just want the school year to end so that i can be with the people i love who i know aren’t fake friends and who actually give more than two craps about me and my feelings.

anyways, now that we’re done with that mini rant, let’s see….no The Girl updates as of right now.

when i tell you Taylor Alison Swift is the only thing that’s gotten me through this school year, i’m being completely serious. i know she’s had the same experiences as i have (i’m actually listening to The Best Day as i write this), and—CRINGE WARNING—i know that if she were here, she’d probably tell me to just keep going, push through, and then it’ll be over, and i’m home free. so that’s what i’m doing. it’s really hard, though. i cried in front of all my favorite teachers yesterday (the music, art, and dance teachers at my school) while i was telling them about what’s been going on this school year. i just…i feel out of place. people have always said that i’m very mature for my age, but i didn’t realize HOW mature until i met my classmates. the most immature people i have ever met. i have friends, but lately i’ve been finding myself sitting alone in home room and walking alone in PE. walking alone to and from classes. and all of my best friends, who are more like family, are the ones i do theatre with, but none of them go to my school. so i spend 7 hours a day, 5 days a week, being alone, more or less. i’ve never had any forms of anxiety before this school year. but i now have really, really bad social anxiety. i constantly feel like i’m doing things wrong or saying things wrong, and i have to make mental lists of people i know for sure like me, and aren’t fake. i’ve also grown up very dependent on the approval of others, so that’s part of it. most of the time i just listen to Taylor and tune everything else out. i wish that worked all the time.

anyways, thanks for reading my longer-than-expected rant. love y’all!!!!!! byeeeeee!!!!!

@taylorswift @taylornation @tickpick-blog

[spaceoceania]

Hey guys 👋👋

Not sure if any of y'all noticed but I sorta took a break from Tumblr! It lasted way more than I originally intended it to (it was literally only meant to be for two days, not a whole freaking week) but I’m finally back! :D

The reason for even taking a break is really weird and arguably very dumb but I kinda just needed it for myself and for some introspection- basically just to come to good terms with myself?? Hahh, I actually meant to take this break since like the beginning of the year but I kinda just delayed it😅

Weirdly enough, I do feel like I learned a lot of stuff about myself, the stuff I do, and the way I think. All of which has given me a different perspective that will hopefully make me into a better person towards myself and the way I present myself to others. Which I’m very glad about! That wasn’t something I was expecting out of this tumblr break tbh. But yeah I do feel a lot better now! ^^

I do want to apologize to you all for just walking out without saying anything, though. Especially to the people I was texting (oml im sorry to you guys especially) because it was such a dick move from my part. Cause to me, being in here with you all, it’s like we're all sitting at a big table, having dinner, talking, and just exchanging things. And I'm at the far corner of said table but somehow still interacting with the whole table, while also personally talking to a couple of people around me. But then all the sudden I just got up and walked out of the room without saying anything, for a freaking week. So coming back pretending like everything is back to normal feels is almost disrespectful?? I know real-life and internet etiquette are very different but it still just felt odd to just walk back in when I consciously and willingly left? Without even thinking twice?

So yeah I'm sorry for just leaving without saying anything! If I ever do this again, I’ll make sure to let you guys know. I know I shouldn’t apologize since it was for my own good (?? though it’s not like I was even having a bad day or week when i left last Wednesday?? I was actually living my best life if you ask me) but it still felt like something I had to say..? So yeah please accept the apology cause I’m doing it out of politeness, but also because... I’m aware of the stuff I do. So yeah, you all deserve an apology cause that was really rude from me ^^;

And now imma go reply to my messages! And maybe scroll through my feed? I kinda wanna see if i can scroll all the way to last week😂 Then I will hopefully be able to catch with some things ^^

Thank you guys for everything cause I actually opened tumblr to a lot of notes which was really really sweet :') So thank you all so much!!💖💖

I hope you all had a great past few days💙 and if not, then I wish you the best of luck and will do my best to spread positivity on your feed <3

[kagayakuseiza]

Saying 👏 “I love you” 👏 can 👏 be 👏 platonic 👏

[californiaquail]

hey so i’m pretty sure there’s about 3 people who follow me that do horse stuff but if any of you are listening. does anyone have pointers about what to look for in a riding instructor? i just started going to this place and the girl i had for my assessment lesson was nice but the person i had today was hard to understand (like physically i couldnt hear her although that might just be cause i’m sick) and at the end she just kinda. left me and the horse in his stall and dipped lmao. also she didn’t really ask for my past riding experience she was just like ‘what have you been working on’ like m8 i literally just got here and all i did was go through walk trot canter (which was basically all i did today also. a little no stirrups work but yeah). anyway i haven’t taken actual lessons in like 10 years and i want to learn more about dressage and jumping and work out whatever weird riding habits i’ve picked up at camp but i don’t really know what to look for in a trainer or what to expect

[yuk1nya-moved]

#—ONE LAST TIME

r. rosehearts, l. kingscholar, / gn! reader

warnings : book 1, 2 spoilers , very long LOL , not proofread , swearing , riddle favoratism /j

"..Just one more time. Please. "

*⁀➷ a/n at the end !

￫ summary : You knew you weren't part of this world, he knew that very well you'd had to go soon. But he never expected it on both of your anniversary.

"Hey, [name]! Wake up!" "..'m awake 'm awake..." you say with half-lidded eyes. You turn to check what time it is and why Grim was waking you up at the godforsaken hour of 2 am. "Yo, name the Headmaster is here."

"Ah! Prefect! Finally you're awake. I'd like to speak to you in private." The Headmaster asked. "Eh? Sure." Followed by a yawn.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

As you two were walking to library, you asked "Headmaster, could you tell me what you've woken me for before you drag me to do another errand of yours." "Oho, This is not an errand! This is important news for you! And how dare you think I'd place my responsibilities onto others! I take full offense." He said obviously lying. "Gah! Just tell me what you want so I can go back to sleep." You said while finally arriving at the library.

"Well, since I am so kind I have found a way for you to go home!" huh. what. "W-what..? Are you serious?" This had to be a dream. You're finally going home! "Headmaster, when am I going home? Tonight? Next week?" "Hm, I'm actually not sure. The mirror knows which world you're from but it hasn't been responding to anyone in the past few days. Not even me! Oh how it's pained me..."

Though Crowly was ranting about the mirror ignoring him, you couldn't get you mind off the new news. "Though it seems like the mirror would be fixed in a week." That snapped yout out of your thoughts. A week huh?

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

After finally returning to ramshackle dorm, with grim hogging peacefully sleeping on your bed, you decide to check what day it is a week from now. Checking your calendar you count seven days to- oh. oh no. this cannot be possibly happening

It was both of your's anniversary.

↪ riddle rosehearts

Shit. After your discovery of last night you worried on how to tell Riddle. You knew very well he loved you completely and cherished you, you knew how much you helped him during his overblot, and you knew so damn well that he would not take it nicely.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Its now 7:49 yet you couldn't sleep one bit, I mean how could you with all these thoughts swarming you head yet these thoughts were cut off with a knock at your door. And you knew well who this could be.

"..[name]? Are you ready?" The one and only Mr. Rosehearts. Its been a habit for the both of you to do morning walks before classes start and you of course, forgot about it. "Im so sorry 'm" you were cut off with a yawn " I'm just really sleepy. I might take longer than usual so you can go ahead without me."

"Ah, no need [name]. I can wait." He said. After atleast 45 minutes of getting ready and having to spend another 5 minutes to try and make your eye bags less visible you were finally ready, "Im so so sorry to keep you waiting Riddle." You apologized while walking down the stairs.

There you saw Riddle napping, very unlikely for him. But as much as you didnt want to, you had to wake him up. Giving him a gentle shake he woke up. "..[name]? Oh, have I fallen asleep?" "Yes, yes you did riddle" giggling at him "Well I see that you're ready. Shall we go now? We are a quite late to our usual schedule." While he gestured his hand out to you

"Yes, lets go now." While smiling at him. The day went on usually, classes, Grim amd Ace bickering, and most importantly your daily little tea party with Riddle.

"Wow, these tarts taste better than before. Did Trey and something new to it?" You happily said. "U-um I actually made them this time." Riddle said clearing his throat "Really?! Wow you've improved after your oyster sauce incident." You complimented him as a tint of red covers his face. "Ahem-! Why thank you dear. Though beside the tarts I can see you didn't sleep well last night. Care to tell me what's wrong? I am your boyfriend after all."

Oh yeah. You were contemplating about lying to him or telling the truth. As much as you didn't want to worry him, you had to tell him soon.

So you explain your situation to him.

A minute of silence passes by and neither if you wanted to talk. Riddle knew he should've been happy for you but he's feeling the complete opposite. He doesn't wanna lose you, he really doesn't. But alas, all things come to an end.

"Ok then. Im happy for you." You could hear his voice crack in saying that "Riddle.. I'm so sorry. That I wont be here for you anymore, I wont be able to—" thats when you were interupted with chaste kiss on the lips.

"There nothing for you to be sorry about, my dear. You were brought into this world by accident, theres nothing suprising about you wanting to go back. I will cherish the sweet memories I've made with you."

Now that just sent the waterworks going. The fact he was so patient and understanding with you, contrary to his personality with other people.. you were definitely gonna miss him. He wiped your tears and hugged you "I believe its best to spend quality time with each other in you last few days, don't you think?" He smiled at you "Heh, you're right" you finally return him a smile

Your last few days at NRC were quite different than the ordinary school days. Cater snapping the most pictures with you, Ace and Deuce trying their best not to stress you out, and Trey baking different recipes for you to try before you go. But most importantly, Riddle constantly complimenting you, holding your hand any chance he gets, and has been bit more open to PDA. You were gonna miss all of this.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

The day of your anniversary with Riddle and the day you leave Twisted Wonderland. Of course you prepared something special for him.

Matching necklaces both had a half-heart pendant with a ruby gem on top following the shape on his and the same for you except your's had a [color] gem on it. You already wearing yours while packing his in a velvet box

While packing your things, you heard a knock on the door. Fully expecting Riddle, you were quite surprised at the sight instead. Ace and Deuce holding up a banner saying 'we'll miss you :(' while crying, Trey handing you a basket of pastries, and Cater gifting you a photograph of Heartslabyul including you

You felt like crying again at the sight of your friends caring about you, you really were gonna miss them. But instead you thanked them all and hugged all of them. "Thank you! Thank you!" You exclaimed "No problem, we wanted to give you something before you leave y'know? And Riddle waiting for you at the center of thd Rose Garden." Trey said "Now off you go to your boyfie~" Cater teased.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Finally after what felt like hours of finding the center, You finally saw Riddle sitting on the bench. "Riddle!" You run up to him to hug him. Riddle, who was suprised by your sudden ambush, quickly got used to this. "Happy Anniversary, my dear." You quickly pull away to pull the velvet box out of your pocket "Happy Anniversary to you to, Riddle" you smile as you give him the box

Upon opening it, he was in awe by the necklace. "Thank you very much [name] as he gave you a peck on the forehead. And I almost forgot, here you go"

As you open the box you see— a ring! "It's actually been a dream of mine to live my life by your side, but it seems like not all dreams get granted do they? So here a promise ring. Promise me you'll always take care of your self?" "Riddle.. I-I.. Thank you so much, I love you.." you hug him as you cry out how much you'll miss him.

He cant keep up this façade any longer, he started crying too telling you how much he'll also miss you and how he loves you. After a bit of crying you were interupted with Cater's phone snapping a pic "So, so, sorry to ruin the moment but it seems like the headmaster's calling you [name]" Cater said

"Oh, okay." You remove yourself from him "Shall we go now?" giving him a smile "Of course" he replied

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Finally saying your last goodbye's, it was time to go. all the times you spent here will be reduced to memories you can never relive. Shooting Riddle a soft glance, you saw his genuine smile again. For the last time.... Then you step into the mirror.

It seemed like our fairytale ended with a blank page

↪leona kingscholar

Shit. Fuck. Putangina. Persetan. 他妈的. You started swearing in every language possible because out of all your days at NRC this was the most stressed you've ever been. 4:29. its 4:29 am you've been in circles for almost 2 hours. I mean, A part of you were joyed that you were finally going home! But another part worries about all the memories you've made here.

Feeling all too overwhelmed by all of this, you decide to go to your boyfriend ; leona kingscholar

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

After what felt like 45 minutes, you're finally at the chamber of mirrors. Stepping into Savanaclaw, you wait for the mirror to fully transport you there. Thoughts come down crashing again, what would happen, how would he react? You dont want him to overblot again. But then what wo—

Your thoughts stop as you realize you're already in Savanaclaw. Heading to the Dormleader's dorm, and knocking on the door "Leona?" You open the door and take a peek you see the lion just wake up at your knocking and voice. "Eh..? Who the hell.." he groans quietly "Leona? Do you mind if I come in?"

"Yea, sure" as he scratched his ear though pissed you woke him up it was you who woke him up tho. Doesn't mind having another thing to cuddle, right? I mean why else would you wake him up?

"Leona, could we talk?" "Go for it, I could care less" as he yawned. He expected you to just talk about his sleeping problem or his studies or something. But definitely not this.

As you explain to him your situation, you couldn't help just breaking into tears. You were gonna lose Leona, Savanaclaw, and more and that just made you break down. He was definitely not expecting you to drop a bomb on him then suddenly cry?!

He was obviously suprised by the entire situation right now, but he had an s/o to care for right now. So he gestured for them to sit on his bed. Leona is foreign to comforting others but he'll try.

"So- Um. You need anything? Water, orr what?" Instead of answering you just kept sobbing into his chest. So he just embraced you instead, soon you both drifted off to sleep.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

After waking up, and quickly realizing you slept on Leona's chest you tried to escape his grasp quietly, trying not to wake him up. After finally getting him off of him planning to go back to ramshackle to get ready.

Upon opening the door, you were greeted with Ruggie there. "Leona! Wake u- woah!" "Ruggie!" You say surprisingly "Not much eh? Also could'ya tell Leona to wake up? We still gotta practice for the interscholastic games ya'know." Ruggie ask then he leaves the room.

"Leona, Leona," you nudge his shoulder "Leona! Wake up!" Practically trying to shake his whole body "..I'm awake... Why the hell are ya' wakin me up this early?" "Leona. Its 8. Also Ruggie mentioned you have interscholastic practice or something. C'mon wake up!" Shaking him even more violently when he fell asleep again "fine, fine, but you gotta come with me for wakin' me up this early" you agreed with him as you tried to drag him out of his bed

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

While walking towards the spelldrive stadium, Leona finally asked you about last night. "Oh, um, Crowley found me a way home." You answer quietly. He almost felt his heart drop at that. You were going home? You wouldn't be in this world anymore? "Eh, that lazy ass crow finally did something?" He was trying his best to keep cool, well both of you were nearing the stadium and he had to stay strong for his dormates

You giggle a bit a his response, not sensing his sadness. After finally reaching the stadium you wave him goodbye to return back to your dorm. After waving back, Ruggie knew there was something off about the dormleader "So, what's wrong?" The slightly startled dormleader mumbled a quick 'nothing'

So Ruggie was right, there's something wrong. It was never that easy to startle Leona. As much as he wanted to ask him, he thought it was better to keep quiet.

Nothing really changed in your last few day, except the fact Leona had started to make more of an effort to make you smile.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

The day has finally come, goodbye to Twisted Wonderland and goodbye to NRC, and of course you didn't forget about you and Leona's anniversary. Though you both agreed not every year not to get gifts, you just had too.

The gift you got him is a was a threaded bracelet in savanaclaw's colors. You hoped that he'd accept it since you thought it looked cheap or pathetic (i guess?) for a prince.

Finally leaving your dorm, you and Leona had planned to meet for a bit before going. "Leona?" You knocked at his door once he opens a door, you quickly pull him in a tight hug. He laughed as he ruffled your hair. You pull away and give him the bracelet "I know we both agreed on 'no gifts' but I just wanted to- " "No need to apologize y'know? I mean I also got one for ya." He also handed you a brown varsity jacket with a savanaclaw print of the front and Leona's name on the back.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you... I'll really miss you" Leona stayed silent, it was unusual for him to. But he didn't know how to really respond, you were going away for real instead he just hugged you tight.

Finally breaking the hug, you tell him if he wants to accompany you to the mirror chamber.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Finally saying your last goodbyes to him and kissing him before you go, you finally step into the mirror

He really can't have anything huh?

￫ A/N : ITS FINALLY DONE i was supposed to also do azul but then i lost all my inspo for him sorry azul fans . I dont think this is one of my best works but yea

also either the chiyu fic or the genshin dating headcannons fic gets realeased first, in like probably 2 weeks minimum