#I’m generally a proponent of shipping whatever you want

[literaryspinster]

The thing is with ships like Melvika Melco or whatever else is that...they're such tiny ships. Apart from a few popular fanarts, I've only seen a small handful people on here *actually* "shipping" Melvika and most people who do are just lesbians who think they're hot. It's never going to be canon and it's just a fun thing that a small group of people are doing. It's just a crackship and in no way threatens the canon-ness of Meljay. It's cool to not enjoy it or the characters but the reasons like "They're not good for each other" or "doesn't do anything for her story" or whatever is a nonissue as it's not canon and never will be. Shipping Mel and Jayce with other people isn't always a malicious act of trying to separate them. You don't need to believe a crackship make a good couple because...that's the point of a crackship, sometimes they don't make sense and some people enjoy that. If you don't, that's absolutely fine, but the thought that you need to be convinced if you're not interested in a ship anyway is like...why bother? Let people have their fun and you have yours. And to be honest, people know these ships are never going to be canon. Genuinely! sorry if this comes off as a rant, not my intention to offend and this is not in bad faith, just a responce. It's just I think people in fandoms, in general, should focus more on things they enjoy instead of things they don't, especially if it's small and essentially harmless.

I get all that, and I am a pretty big proponent of focusing on things that I enjoy over things that I don’t, or at least not letting my negativity reach much further than my little corner. You’ll never see me butting into a M*lvika post to hate on them, you’ll never see me spreading negativity in their tag, and this is likely the last I’ll really say about them as I’m truly not trying to be a fan cop or anything of the sort. But I got the ask and wanted to explain my feelings on the matter, even though I knew they probably wouldn’t be taken all that well.

I do get rather frustrated with seeing so much toxicity under Mel and Meljay posts for all sorts of reasons (it seems to stem from the fandom accepting it as canon that she was up to no good with very little pushback) I never want to replicate that energy, that’s not the sort of fan I want to be. My thing isn’t that I think Meljay is being threatened, it’s me not wanting to constantly see hate directed at them in spaces that should be free of that. I can’t control what happens in the show, but I can attempt to curate my fandom experience as best as I can.

As for needing to be convinced that a ship is good actually, again, that’s just… kind of the way I am. If I don’t understand something or see the logic in it then I want to try to understand it, I want metas and breakdowns that find the depth in something that I can’t quite see. If I’m going to ship a pair, it has to be because I think those two people would get along and enrich each other’s stories. And yeah, I was open to shipping them at first, which is why I was initially seeking a good analysis, as I don’t really have a canon interaction to go on.

Lastly, and this is a big one, if I have to see comment after comment about why this character I like’s canon relationship sucks and why this other one would be better, even when I am not at all seeking content about that alternate pair, then it’s natural for me to get curious about why.

That’s me, that’s always been me. But it’s definitely not the way I expect everyone else to be or need everyone else to be.

And I don’t think you’re ranting, I’m glad you came to me with this, and I hope I’ve made my feelings clear.

[kagayakuseiza]

Saying 👏 “I love you” 👏 can 👏 be 👏 platonic 👏

[iamanartichoke]

(This post was inspired by a recent post by @kayura-sanada​ that I was going to reblog, but my own addition became so long and, frankly, off-topic to the original post’s content that I figured it was fairer to create my own post. But theOP I’m referring to can be found here and is a good read.)

Okay, so: this is a wonderful analysis of Tony Stark, @kayura-sanada​, and I agree that it’s concerning seeing this written by a psychologist (although I think there has to be a little wiggle room in the fact that said psychologist is basing their diagnosis on their own interpretation, and - I would hope - it would probably change if Tony Stark were a real person who was their patient. I gotta hope that).

I agree with all of your overall points regarding Tony, but I wanted to reblog this specifically because this post is such a perfect example of a larger problem within fandom and fandom wank. The problem is that fictional characters can be interpreted any way you want, sure, but there’s a line between supporting your interpretation with evidence from the source, and supporting your interpretation with stuff you just kinda made up. There is a right and a wrong interpretation. 

Here’s what I saw happen with this post: your response to the OP is lengthy because it dissects the OP bit-by-bit; it responds to the claims made in those bits with evidence from the films that supports a completely opposite interpretation of the character. And the response you got largely ignores all of that evidence and analysis in favor of a surface-deep response about open interpretations and how it’s “all just fiction anyway.”

And I see the same pattern repeat itself over and over in fandom:

“Character A is Trait B and that’s why they do Actions C, D, and E.”

“Actually, character A is more Trait F, and examples of Trait F are shown in Action G, H, and I.”

“Okay, but when they do Action H, they’re responding to Event J, but with Actions C and E, they clearly demonstrate Trait B, along with Trait K and L.”

“Well, but, saying they are/have Trait K is kind of a reach, and when they did Action H it was out of character, because in the same situation in previous films, they responded to Event J in a different way. For example, .....” (long post)

“I’m not reading all of that, it’s open to interpretation, and it’s just fiction anyway.”

Later, rinse, repeat.

And it’s like, look, yes, you can interpret the characters however you want. Fandom is supposed to be a fun, engaging space where fans are inspired to create new works and discuss all aspects of the source. Headcanons exists because of open character interpretation. Shipping exists because of open character interpretation. Rarepairs and alternate universes and ‘there was only one bed!’ and lots of tropes exist because of open character interpretation. 

Without that open freedom to engage with the source/characters in whatever way makes you happy, fandom wouldn’t be what it is, and I would never want to discourage that. 

That all said, it is possible that someone’s interpretation is wrong. That the way they imagine the character or the way they’re interpreting the character’s words and actions is a contrast to what’s really supposed to be going on in the scene or with the overall arc. The wrongness can come from any number of things - interpreation being colored by personal experience, preferences, projection, whatever.

In the case above, the psychiatrist is viewing Tony Stark through a lens of what they already decided the character is: a case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They took that lens and picked out (vague) examples of how the character portrays those traits.

This is fine. If that person wants to think Tony is a narcissist and that’s how they want to engage with the character and subsequent works (pretending that this was a meta post instead of a published article), then that’s their prerogative.

But upon closer analysis, the original interpretation kinda falls apart. The contrasting analysis takes a deeper look at the material and says, I don’t think what you’re saying is going on here is actually what’s going on here, and this is why.

But people don’t want to be told they’re wrong, especially in a fandom space, especially with something they hold dear to them (as interpretations can be intensely personal, and I know this). When the two interpretations clash, and one interpretation doesn’t really hold up to closer analysis, then suddenly, being critical of the source equates to disliking the source, and analysis is reduced to people just being negative and wanting to find things wrong with the source. Disagreeing with someone’s interpretation is taken as a personal attack. People get offended personally. The discussion devolves into ugly rhetoric, insults, or simply dismissiveness (”that’s nice but whatever,” “it’s just fiction,” etc).

And you might say, well, if you think someone’s interpretation is wrong, why are you trying to rain on their parade? Why are you trying to prove them wrong? Let people enjoy things! Let people fandom how they want! Let people write and create and be inspired in their own way!

To which I say, absolutely! Please, continue to enjoy the Thing and your interpretation of it. Continue to create through the lens of that interpretation. Create what makes you happy, fandom however you want to. I am a big proponent of “fandom and let fandom.” What other people like and dislike makes very little difference to me, and I’m certainly not under any illusion that everyone must see things the way that I see them or else they are Doing it Wrong. Nor do I take it personally if someone doesn’t agree with my take. 

None of that is my point. My point is that it becomes an issue that splinters and fractures fandom spaces when criticism and discussion are discouraged, when long analysis posts are mocked, when threads are hijacked, when it gets to a point where disagreeing with someone’s take on a Thing cancels them - to you - as a person. Because you miss out. You miss out on discussion, and on engaging with creative fanworks, and widening your fandom circle.

Instead, the circle just narrows, and there’s an underlying sense of hostility that colors every interaction you have. And it makes it not fun for anyone.

People need to be more open to the idea that there is, in fact, a right and a wrong side to most arguments. They need to be willing to defend their argument in a way that holds up and, if they don’t want to defend their interpretation, that’s fine - more power to you - but they need to then stop making fun of and being generally shitty to those who disagree.

People need to stop pretending that analysis and critical thinking don’t matter. They need to stop pretending that “fiction” is this vague concept that has no bearing on the real world and shouldn’t be taken seriously. Fiction shapes our world, and art imitates life. Being unable to think critically about fiction indicates a larger issue of being unable to think critically about the things that do matter in the real world, like science and poltiics. 

Just look at what this country has become. Each side believes it is the correct side, the “winning” side, but one of them is supported with verifiable facts and evidence and one isn’t, and when the one that isn’t is confronted with the fact that they are wrong, they either dismiss the argument entirely or go and find “alternative facts” from unreliable sources they can point to and say, see? A, B, C, D, and E may say I’m wrong, but F says I’m right, so fuck you.

I’m certainly not saying that fandom should be taken as seriously as politics, but I am saying that if people were more amenable to changing their minds or even just recognizing that criticism isn’t an attack and it’s not personal if someone dislikes a Thing that you feel passionate about - or vice versa - then maybe we’d have a better fandom space for all to enjoy. 

And I do try not to be a hypocrite. I am open to changing my mind on positions I’ve taken in fandom - if the analysis and the evidence convince me that there’s another way to look at it. If someone is telling me I’m wrong, and they tell me why it’s wrong (yes, in detail), then I’m more than happy to take a second look. Maybe it will change my mind; maybe it will simply be something I’m cognizant of while I continue to enjoy the material in the way that’s most fun for me. Either way, I’m not trying to hold fandom as a whole to any kind of standard I wouldn’t also expect myself to meet. 

That being said, this post is 90% me venting. Ironically, I don’t expect this to change anyone’s mind. I’m not saying there’s any one solution that will work for everybody or even that everyone sees a problem that needs solving. I’m just saying that I don’t enjoy fandom as much as I used to, and this particular pattern of "wank” (for lack of a better word) is the reason why. 

[winterskywrites]

how about combining bad batch and reinvent love? what happens to the bad batch in your au?

The regs all go weird on Kaller. Hunter isn’t quite sure what’s the matter with them, but Tech says it’s some sort of programming, and he trusts Tech to know what he’s talking about. Tech also says he thinks the five of them are immune.

In that respect, Tech is wrong.

They flee Kamino with Omega and without Crosshair. It’s not right for them to leave one of their own behind, and Hunter can feel the tension in the air, but there was nothing else they could have done. They’ll go back for Crosshair eventually, but now, it would be suicide. They’ll have to wait for the right moment.

And then, the day after they leave, a message goes out to all clone troopers on the same official channel that the first strange order came through on. “Order 66 is revoked,” Anakin Skywalker tell the galaxy. “All clone troopers, stand down, and report to your commanding officer immediately.”

“Do we believe him?” Tech asks Hunter warily.

“No,” Hunter says, shaking his head. He liked General Skywalker when they worked with him before, but he doesn’t trust him with this. It could be a trap to lure in any defectors, like themselves, and now they have a child to protect. “We’re not going back.”

They go to visit Cut and Suu instead, since Cut is the only deserter they’ve ever met who’s been able to actually avoid getting caught. Saleucami isn’t very different under the new Empire than it was under the Republic, and the Lawquane family is much the same as ever. Apparently, they’ve missed Rex by a day, and Hunter can see the mingled relief and disappointment on Echo’s face. At least he’s alive and apparently unaffected by whatever’s happening to most of the regs. Hunter keeps a close eye on Cut, but he doesn’t seem to be affected either.

While Omega plays with Jek and Shaeeah, Cut and Suu fill Hunter and the others in on some things that have happened since they fled Kamino. Apparently, the Chancellor-turned-Emperor has been overthrown and revealed to be a traitor who spent the whole Clone Wars playing both sides against each other, and rumor has it that Senator Amidala will be taking his throne as the new Galactic Empress. Hunter has always liked Senator Amidala, and she’s always been a proponent of clone rights, but this whole Empire feels wrong to him, and he’s not sure he can trust anyone who plays a part in it.

He does gather the rest of his squad to discuss it in private, though, because this is a decision he thinks they should all make together.

“I don’t know,” Echo says, shaking his head. “I trust General Skywalker, and the Senator always seemed like a good person, but with everything that’s happening...”

“I don’t like it,” Wrecker declares. “I don’t like the Empire either. I don’t like any of this.”

“Neither do I,” Hunter agrees. He looks over at Tech, who’s been strangely silent. “What do you think?”

“I have been attempting to run calculations on the matter, but there are too many unknown variables,” Tech replies. “I cannot properly calculate our odds either way.”

“What about worst case scenarios?” Echo asks. “Which ones are better?”

“The worst case scenario either way results in our deaths,” Tech replies bluntly. “But I believe it is more likely that we will face danger from going back than from staying away, with the data I currently have. If this changes, I will inform you.”

“Then we’re staying away,” Hunter decides.

Tech adjusts his goggles. “What about Crosshair?”

Hunter doesn’t want to think about how they left Crosshair behind, but he forces himself to. He may have given them no choice but to leave him, but that doesn’t mean he deserves to be forgotten. “If he’s on Kamino, there’s no way we can get him back ourselves. If he’s not on Kamino, we don’t know where to find him. I want him back just as much as the rest of you, but I don’t think we can go after him yet, especially not with the kid.”

“Is she staying with us?” Echo asks.

Honestly, Hunter has been thinking about that as well. He doesn’t know how to raise a child, none of them do, and their lifestyle is too dangerous for a little girl, even one who’s an enhanced clone. She has no knowledge of the galaxy outside Kamino, and that could get her killed.

“I’ll talk to Cut,” Hunter says. “For now, let’s lay low and decide what to do next.”

They stay on Saleucami overnight, making plans. Hunter has a conversation with Cut about leaving Omega behind with him, which Omega overhears and vehemently disagrees with. Hunter tells the others to factor Omega into their plans.

In the end, they leave with some supplies, some news, and some tips on raising a child. They don’t have a real plan yet, but Hunter figures they’ll come up with something as they go along. Their main objective is just to keep their heads down and stay hidden.

And then, on their second day of aimless flying, they get a call.

“It’s from Kamino,” Echo says. “What do you say, Hunter?”

“Tech, can you make sure they can’t trace us or see us?” Hunter asks.

Tech nods. “Easily.”

“Then do that,” Hunter says. “Then we can see what they want with us on Kamino.”

After a few moments of fiddling, Tech accepts the call. The hologram fizzes into focus, and it shows...

“Commander Cody?” Wrecker demands.

“He can’t hear us,” Tech says helpfully. Wrecker gives him a dirty look, but before he can say anything else, Cody starts talking.

“I assume my message is getting through, even though I can’t hear you or see you. I’m here with someone who wants to speak to you.”

Cody steps aside, and Hunter's chest clenches as Crosshair steps into view. “I don’t blame you for leaving me behind when I was trying to kill you,” he says dryly, “but you could at least answer the comm properly now.”

Tech looks over at Hunter, but Hunter shakes his head. He’d like to believe this is really Crosshair, their Crosshair, but they still don’t fully know why he turned on them on Kamino, and Hunter can’t trust him until they know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he’s really back.

“I don’t know how much you know about this,” Cody says, “but all clone troopers have behavior modification chips that can be used to control us. The Emperor” - Cody says the title with more derision than Hunter’s ever heard in his voice before - “used them to turn us against the Jedi. But the order has been revoked, and the control chips are being removed.”

Crosshair turns his head to show a small red incision near his temple. “Recreational brain surgery,” he drawls. “The longnecks put up a fuss, and that sleemo Tarkin had to be taken care of, but it was nothing we couldn’t handle.”

Cody gives Crosshair the sort of fondly exasperated look that he’s given every member of the Bad Batch so many times, and Hunter wants so badly to believe this is real. He wishes he could.

“I understand that you aren’t likely to take us at our word,” Cody begins.

“Because you’re paranoid bastards,” Crosshair cuts in.

“But we’re willing to meet you at a location of your choice, just the two of us. You’ll outnumber us, two to one.” Cody’s lips twitch up the slightest bit. “Or two and a half to one, if you include the child you recused. And you all said I was a mother hen.”

“You know people called you that?” Crosshair asks.

Cody rolls his eyes, a surprisingly undignified move for the usually dignified commander. “No one was particularly subtle about it.” He turns his focus back to Hunter and the others. “If you want to meet with us, send coordinates and a time to my comm and we’ll be there.”

“And Wrecker,” Crosshair adds, “since the war is over, you’ll never have a chance to beat my total. I win.”

“Hey!” Wrecker protests, clearly forgetting that Crosshair can’t hear him.

The comm fizzles out on Crosshair’s smug expression. Hunter turns to the others, seeing his own uncertainty reflected on their faces.

“What do you think?”

“The cut on Crosshair’s head is in the right spot for it to be from removing the chip,” Omega offers helpfully. Hunter carefully doesn’t jump. Omega wasn’t in the cockpit when the call came in, and somehow, Hunter missed her entering. He must have been more distracted than he realized.

“It could be a trap, but the offer for us to choose the location makes that less likely,” Tech says. “Although they could prepare to mobilize troopers the moment we give them the coordinates.”

“I’m not sure if I believe them or not,” Echo says slowly, “but I think it’s worth looking into.”

Hunter looks to Wrecker. “What do you think?”

“Cross didn’t make any jokes like that after he started acting weird on Kaller,” Wrecker says. “All the regs acted like droids or something. Cross and Commander Cody weren’t acting like droids.”

“If it were just up to me, I’d meet up with them,” Hunter says. “But I think we should all be in agreement on this. What do you think?”

Echo, Tech, and Wrecker all look at each other. “I think we should meet with them,” Omega pipes up. “If we get to pick the spot, then we have the advantage, don’t we?”

They may or may not have an advantage, depending on whether or not Cody keeps his word about not bringing anyone else along. Hunter wants to do it anyway.

“I believe we should take this chance,” Tech says. “We may not get a better one. We can find out more of what’s happening, and if he still needs it, we may be able to rescue Crosshair.”

“I’m with Tech,” Wrecker agrees. “Let’s do it.”

“Echo?” Hunter asks, turning to the last member of the squad.

Echo looks at all of them, then nods once. “Let’s do it.”

“Alright,” Hunter says, immediately starting to make a plan. “Tech, figure out the best spot for us to meet them. Wrecker, Echo, check our weapons and start planning the best ways for us to get out of this alive.”

“What about me?” Omega asks as the other three go to do as they were told. “What can I do to help?”

“You’re going to stay on the ship when we meet with them,” Hunter says. Omega begins to complain, but he continues over her, “So that means I need to show you how it works.”

Omega’s complaining stops. “You’re going to show me how to fly the ship?”

“Just the basics,” Hunter says. “Come here.”

He manages to teach Omega the basics of takeoff, landing, flying, and using the guns by the time they reach Tech’s chosen location. It’s an ocean planet with small islands and rough atmospheric conditions, chosen so neither an aerial nor ground fleet can reach them easily. It reminds Hunter of Kamino. He wonders if that was purposeful.

“Assuming they come directly here and take the most direct route, Commander Cody and Crosshair should arrive within the hour,” Tech announces. “We can set up defenses while we wait.”

“Wrecker and I have some ideas for that,” Echo says, pulling out a box of land mines.

“This island is uninhabited, right, Tech?” Hunter asks.

Tech nods. “Entirely.”

Hunter turns to Echo and Wrecker. “Then go ahead.”

The two of them get busy preparing while Tech monitors for any incoming ships or transmissions and Hunter waits with Omega. It won’t be long, Hunter doesn’t think. Cody and Crosshair will arrive soon.

He really hopes this doesn’t end in a fight.

“Ship incoming,” Tech says, and Hunter jerks to attention. “It’s small. It wouldn’t fit more than a single squad.”

“Are you scanning any other ships?” Hunter asks.

Tech shakes his head. “Nothing else.”

So they’ll be fighting a squad at most, unless there’s another ship that’s evading Tech’s scanners. Of course, it’s possible that Cody and Crosshair were actually telling the truth when they said they’d come alone, but Hunter’s not going to take their word for it, not with the way everything’s been going lately. If they come with a squad, then he thinks his own squad, incomplete as it is, will have a fighting chance.

“They’re landing,” Echo reports from outside. “Are you coming out?”

“We are,” Hunter says. He turns to Omega and sits her down in the pilot’s seat. “You know what to do, right?”

“I know,” Omega says, nodding. “You can trust me.”

Hunter tousles her hair. “Alright, kid. Be careful.”

“Good luck!”

Hunter and Tech leave the ship and join Echo and Wrecker, who seem to have gone through the entire box of land mines. “Those aren’t going to blow us up, right?” Hunter asks dryly.

“They’re all wired to this detonator,” Echo says, taking the detonator off his belt to show the others. “They won’t go off unless I press the button.”

“Hopefully, we won’t have to,” Tech says. “It could cause serious damage to the ecosystem.”

“I thought you said nothing lives on the island,” Wrecker counters.

“It is uninhabited, yes, but the sea around us is not,” Tech replies. “And if we destroy this island, it will have consequences for the sea around.”

“We can talk about the consequences combat has on the ecosystem later,” Hunter interrupts. “Focus. The door is opening.”

The door to Cody and Crosshair’s ship lowers, and Hunter’s hand hovers just above his blaster. The others are in similar positions around him. None of them want this to come to a fight, Hunter knows that, but they’re all ready if it does.

And then two figures step off the ship, neither in armor nor, as far as Hunter can tell, armed. Cody looks mostly the same as ever, except for a shaved patch on the side of his head and a new scar under it. Next to him, Crosshair has a matching scar and expectation glittering in his eyes. For a moment, everything is silent.

“I told you they’d be ready for a fight,” Crosshair finally drawls. “You owe me five credits, Commander.”

“I didn’t take that bet, Crosshair,” Cody replies. “I’m just surprised their blasters aren’t drawn.”

“How can we know this isn’t a trap?” Hunter asks.

Crosshair reaches to pull something out of a pocket. Hunter tenses, but Crosshair just pulls out a small sample of something and tosses it at Tech, who catches it neatly.

“That’s the chip,” Crosshair says. “The four of you have them as well, but we’ll talk about removing those later.”

“What is it, Tech?” Hunter asks Tech quietly.

“It does look like a bio-organic chip of some sort,” Tech says. “I would have to study it in more depth to be certain that it was the one implanted in Crosshair, however.”

“I understand the hesitation to trust us,” Cody says, stepping forward. Hunter’s hand twitches closer to his blaster, and Cody puts his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “I understand,” he repeats, “but we’re telling the truth. What do we have to do to convince you?”

Hunter swallows, then he looks at Crosshair. “The Jedi kid, on Kaller.”

“You’re an awful liar,” Crosshair replies immediately. “But you were right not to kill him.”

It could still be a trap. Hunter knows it could be trap, but he wants to believe them so badly. He can see the same desire on the others’ faces. If they had to run, he has no doubt that they could do it, but if they don’t have to...

“Hunter,” Cody says - Cody, the one reg Hunter has always respected, the only commanding officer whose orders he’ll follow gladly. “You can trust us. This is real.”

Slowly, Hunter relaxes, moving his hand away from his blaster. The other do the same around him, readily enough that he knows they agree with his assessment. Cody and Crosshair aren’t a threat. They’re telling the truth.

“It’s good to have you back,” Hunter says to Crosshair, taking a step forward and not tensing at all when Crosshair and Cody do the same.

Crosshair doesn’t really smile in response, because Crosshair rarely smiles, but Hunter can read him well enough to know he’s pleased. “It’s good to be back.”

[thatonegamenerd]

Restoration and Preservation

I recently watched the Jacob Geller video about RE4, the HD Project, and game restoration. The HD Project is an interesting idea with tons of passion and dedication that’s well covered in the video. However, I have a few problems here.

Firstly, RE4 is only 15 years old, and when historians start discussing restoration processes they’re generally talking about physical art (such as paintings) that’s several decades or centuries old. This is framework doesn’t make sense for a game, which is digital, especially considering it’s barely what any other mediums would even remotely consider being old.

Second, I think this HD Project, while thoughtful in concept and fueled by the best of intentions, illuminates a serious issue we as an industry/community have with regards to preserving games. Put bluntly, we’re overly obsessed with graphical/technical fidelity and this obsession is causing us to view any perceived technical shortcomings as shameful or grating. This obviously comes to a head when we seek to revisit older games, our nerd drive for nostalgia is in direct odds with our gamer need for technical supremacy. It’s as if we’re ashamed of our nostalgia, and in order to resolve this conflict we seek remakes, HD projects, remasters, definitive editions, free next-gen upgrades, graphics mods, reboots, etc. We want our nostalgia as long as we can now have those sweet frames, res bumps, HD textures, gameplay improvements, quality-of-life improvements, patches, etc.

This gives me the impression that gamers love the IDEA of older games, not the actual games themselves. This framework of the idea of the game fits well with recent remakes, especially those done by Bluepoint. Many gamers love the idea of Shadow of the Colossus or Demon’s Souls, even if they’ve never played them and have no intentions to play the original versions. So, with a rock-solid new team and awesome new technology, gamers think they can experience these games now that they “live up to modern standards.” As long as it “feel like I remember,” then it’s all fine from this framework, the idea is “preserved.” This framework views games as temporary products, with an idea at the core and everything surrounding being a technical stepping stone to said idea. And since it’s a product separate from it’s creation, it’s constantly subject to whatever the current “modern standards” are for any given time. There’s a saying that games are never finished, they’re only shipped, and I think this framework of the idea is a natural extension of this notion. When speaking to others online about this issue, I’ve gotten plenty of responses that boil down to “well, the original creators were constricted by the technology of the time, I’m sure they would’ve wanted the original release to look like how the remake/remaster looks now if they had the tech.”

The major issue I have here, and the core of my argument against such remasters/remakes/HD Projects, is that games are not a simple product in a vacuum to be upgraded as deemed necessary to our whims. Games are, in fact, the collected work of many artists and designers from that specific moment in time. RE4 isn’t an idea, it isn’t a single product devoid of context, it’s a collection of the work of numerous artists, designers, programmers, musicians, directors, producers, etc. The work of the original creators matters, their technical limitations matter, their clever workarounds and technical mishaps matter. When preserving games, we should be preserving their work, not the idea or vague feeling of their work. I know that it’s near impossible to preserve games in 100% of their original form, GCN, CRT and all. But I think we could be doing a lot better, and I think if we changed our perspective on preservation from preserving the idea, to preserving the original artists work (warts and all), we’d be able to more clearly identify what is and isn’t faithful preservation. That’s why I’m such a huge proponent of emulation and faithful ports. These are the way to preserve games properly in my eyes, not some sort of “enhancement” that only seeks to bury the work of the original artists.

And isn’t it funny, that our constant cries for better and better graphics falls squarely in line with the interests of giant corporations that seek to weaponize our nostalgia? They’re more than willing to re-sell you games you own, classics, but in order to justify the the re-sell they claim to have the “definitive” edition this time. It’s the games you love, only better! Now please open up that wallet, you know the deal. A deal gamers are willing to make, for they get an improved version of the idea, their nostalgia and technical desires are satisfied by the glorious free market.

Will we be able to preserve 100% of the original creators work? Probably not, and that is a genuine shame. But we could be preserving 90-95% of their work, and we should. Instead of celebrating the efforts of those who would “improve” games that are not their own, we should celebrate what the original artists were able to accomplish at the time. When I play RE4 now, I don’t see a dated game in desperate need of a graphical/mechanical facelift, I see a game that countless artists/designers crafted with the utmost care. Of course it has shortcomings compared to modern games, I’m not expecting it to stand next to them (even though I still find it more enjoyable to play then 90% games released in the past decade). When I play an older game, I’m transported back to a time when games were made differently, with different standards and expectation for what was successful game design. We can still learn much from older games, but it’ll be hard to learn much from the original creators if we constantly ask for their work to be painted over.

[cowlsmash]

name.   midoriya izuku

nickname.   deku

gender.   cis male

romantic orientation.   panromantic  –  no preference for gender.

preferred pet names.  he doesn’t like them!  his mother has free reign to really call him whatever she’d like ( cause mom ), but for the most part, other people giving him pet names doesn’t sit well with him. He imagines he could probably get used to a couple? Maybe like dear or honey or something, but he doesn’t really seek or give them too much. . .

relationship status.   single.

favorite canon / fandom ship. I’m gonna level. I’m not. The biggest shipper. Gosh. BUT. I’m absolutely in love with b/kdk ( thanks @explodie, also see jay’s explanation to understand why i love it so much, it’s so eloquently put in their post and I just swoon ), and t/ododeku? Got-dang that’s my shit. So cute, so pure- my mother literally called me when she first started watching the show ( yes momma samee watches the show, she texted me today to ask me who won the fight between Bakugou, Deku, and AM because she was too anxious not knowing beforehand ), and was like ‘so you like the green boy and icy hot, right?’. So. I have a type. 

    tbh I’m probably not ever gonna just say no on a ship without good reasons? As long as there’s chemistry, I’ll probably be all over it - case and point, tbh I’m not the biggest fan of canon oc/hakodeku? Mainly cause canon is shafting my sweet uravity because i just haven’t seen a lot that my gray brain sees as romantic between them? But I have seen. . . . so much cute content, and great writers, that I definitely could see the ship working beautifully. But yeah, ship and ship alike lbr \ o /

favorite crossover ship.   oh gosh. . .  can I say Deku/Sora???? idk if I can if only because that’s so much heckin sunshine in one room, but that’d be really cute. . . oh, or Deku/Riku. I’m on a KH bender ( for obvious reasons ). . . I don’t hate that. . .

opinion on true love.   not a chance. it’s not that Izuku is terribly pessimistic about love- quite the opposite! He loves the idea of being in love with someone who loves him back and spending the rest of his life with that person. But true love? No way. Love is something that you work for constantly and make better and better, but it is by no means guaranteed or certain. To him, the idea of true love is almost akin to soulmates, so he’s not a big proponent of it. But he will work for love in the same way he works for anything else.

opinion on love at first sight.   absolutely no way. Infatuation? Certainly. Interest? Yeah. Love? No.

how romantic are they? 

ideal physical traits.   it sounds contrived, but Izuku’s not too hung up on physicality. He definitely wants someone strong and capable, someone that keeps up with his lifestyle and someone that he finds attractive in general, but discerning specific features in general? That’s difficult for him. He sincerely thinks that almost everyone has some sort of physical feature that they just own, and were he a more confident and outgoing sort, he may even tell more people what features those are. But as it stands, he’s pretty shy about those sorts of things and tends to keep those thoughts to himself.

ideal personality traits.   someone who motivates Izuku to be better than he is. he loves those around him that he can draw inspiration from, those people that he finds to be so incredible that he has to push himself to keep up. that and the same person being intrinsically motivated to better themselves alongside him? Keeper. always pushing forward, that’s huge for him. it doesn’t hurt if the person is thoughtful and expressive, even if that expression is very individualized and takes a little work on his end to suss out; he’s willing to put in effort ( probably more than his partner ).

unattractive physical traits.   you really think Izuku’s put that much thought into this please he hardly thinks of attractive physical traits, he doesn’t have time to focus on stuff he doesn’t like.

unattractive personality traits.   boorish, brainless sorts, people with complete and utter disregard for others or a general contempt for others’ wellbeings, be that physically, emotionally, or otherwise. people who either act like they orchestrate the world or who think it revolves around their wants, or people who seem to take pleasure in the suffering/misfortune of others. Strictly speaking, arrogance and even some thoughtless behaviors don’t bother him- the malice behind these actions is what bugs him, or unfounded hubris at the detriment of others.

ideal date.   . . . i refuse to say ranking All Might’s top 20 fights while eating dinner in his apartment. that would be something a lame loser would do, a real chicken-little sorta kid, and izuku is not a lame loser. Except that he is talk All Might to him and he’s yours.

do they have a type?   not really.

average relationship length.   probably dependent, but I do see Izuku as the sort of person that wouldn’t even enter a relationship unless he had weight behind the decision and an intent for something long-term. he’s not the sort for quick or serial dating, so if he agrees to be with someone, at least he’s anticipating it being long term.  At the same time, I do see him as the sort to let people down gently if he doesn’t see it that way, or if he just can’t fathom why they would ask him what are you serious you’ve got to be kidding wait think this through you know who you’re talking to right-

preferred non-sexual intimacy.   definitely napping together is a big one, but in general just idle touches. he’s not an incredibly tactile person with most people, so for him to just be able to reach for someone, hold hands, play with their hair. . . that’d mean a lot. 

commitment level.   steadfast and stolid. it would take a lot for Izuku to agree to be in a relationship with someone, between his ambition, his own anxiety and self-worth concerns, and more, so if he was going to, he’d commit to it the same way he commits to everything: wholly and completely.

opinion of public affection.  depends. most things he’s not into really; it’s his business and he doesn’t need the world involved. but like. . . c’mon hold my hand i’m cold. or hugs from behind. little stuff that if you squint you could tell wasn’t platonic, but like. . . c’mon. we’re just friends who hold hands and stuff. He’s all for that.

past relationships?  none.

tagged by: @explodie​ 

tagging:   please say I tagged you and do this it’s interesting

[kay-emm-gee]

Why I Didn’t Need Another Hakeldama

I found myself in the peculiar position of coming out of the season 5 finale feeling good about Bellarke, which seems to be an unpopular opinion. In trying to figure out why, I did a lot of deep thinking and that ended up becoming the ramblings below, which dive into why I love Bellarke now more than ever after 5x13.

[ Some quick disclaimers: Firstly, I’m a shipper who doesn’t really need my ships to be canon (#zutaraforever). I resolved that Bellarke wouldn’t ever be canon romantic sometime around post-s3, and I made my peace with that. So yeah this meta is talking about Bellarke in a fanon romantic sense but also in a general dynamic sense. I just love them so much, in mostly any permutation. Secondly, my intention isn’t to change minds or tell people their opinions are wrong if they were unhappy with Bellarke by the end of season 5. I’m a strong proponent of you-do-you, and I myself have been in many dark places with this show & Bellarke previously. Feel those feels! That said, if anyone is looking for a positive perspective on the Bellarke content in 5x13, here’s my take. ]

This season, the dynamic between Bellamy & Clarke was everything I loved about Bellarke, and by that I mean old-school Bellarke. All season, their connection to one another was always there: sometimes a scream, sometimes a whisper, but so many of their emotional and plot beats revolved around each other. Specifically, I felt like their stories revolved around understanding and communicating with one another. This is the first season in a while where in every scene, they barely have to talk to each other to know what the other is feeling, and what the other person needs. I missed this aspect so much about them, especially in season 3 when they were so out of sync and in season 4 when they were trying to find their rhythm again while constantly being separated. Even at their most conflicting and/or most separated this season, there was still a pervasive feeling that they were in tune with one another. Clarke understood why Bellamy couldn’t bring himself to take out Octavia initially, and she let him have the time to process (while still pushing him now and again), when others didn’t give him as much leeway. Bellamy went to Clarke first about making Madi the commander, even though he had to have known she would be absolutely against it. He understood that it was always going to be Madi’s choice, but he also understood that Clarke was her caretaker, and she deserved to be informed of what he was going to do. She leaned into what her heart was telling her in order to understand him and reach out; he leaned into what his head was saying to understand her and reach out. Emotionally, they spent so much time prioritizing each other. They have grown so much, changed so much, and yet this connection that they have hadn’t broken over six years; instead it had only strengthened.

And that’s why I didn’t expect or even want another Hakeldama in the season finale, even after their conflicts in the back half of this season. Hakeldama was Bellarke at their most dissonant, when they were so out of tune with one another that they had to shout to try to make the other one listen and understand their perspective. To no avail in the end, because there was no words harsh enough, no voice loud enough at that point for them emotionally that would make the other one listen. They were just too disconnected after their time apart. Only time and perspective gave them the ability to come together on the beach and hear one another a half-dozen episodes later. And honestly, since then, we’ve been building towards where they are now: older, wiser, and with more battle scars, but also reconnected.

I saw that connection so strongly in the finale scene where they talk about Clarke leaving Bellamy behind in Polis. They can barely get through a small talk conversation, and then she rips the band-aid right off: Clarke asks him, straight up, if he is angry at her for leaving him in Polis. I got so many feels from the subtext in that scene of what she’s really asking him for: forgiveness (you need forgiveness? fine, i’ll give it to you! you’re forgiven). Bellamy & Clarke have always, always, always been about unspoken forgiveness. Whatever they’ve done, to others or each other, all it takes is one look between them for it to be given. And so Clarke doesn’t ask for it in this conversation, because she knows she doesn’t have a right to. With them, forgiveness is always given, not asked for. So instead, she asks if he is angry, even though her eyes, her body language, her tone of voice suggest she is asking something else. 

She is so *full* of heart in that moment, and in perfect symmetry, Bellamy is in full head mode. He doesn’t respond right away. He pauses, he thinks it through, and then he answers. This is such a stark contrast to Hakeldama for me. In that conversation, they had such a hard time vocalizing their opinions about each other. Bellamy bottled up his emotions until his anger forced him to clear the air, and Clarke was shocked that Bellamy was upset with her and just expected him to understand her perspective on the brewing war without giving him reasons why. They interact so differently in this 5x13 scene. Clarke recognizes that leaving him was a horrible decision and she takes full responsibility for that, acknowledging that she hurt him deeply (whereas she didn’t before, and her apology during that s3 was more a platitude in the moment than anything else). Likewise, Bellamy recognizes that Clarke had reasons for her decision, as hurtful as it was (she’s left him to die before at the dropship to save their people, and he knows all too well that Madi is her person, her only person, now, and he knows what that’s like to chose one over the many). There is so much understanding on both of their parts in this finale, where it was so lacking in 3x05.

And what I love most about the not-Hakeldama-ness of this season finale Bellarke scene is how it takes what I love about Bellarke, and then breaks it and molds it into something new. Bellamy doesn’t give her forgiveness, but he grants her an opportunity. He tells her what her daughter said, what the person who they both see as a new beginning for all of them says: that he shouldn’t be angry. Bellamy never says he isn’t angry, just that he was reminded that they have so much more history in their relationship than this one moment. He isn’t denying his anger, and he isn’t forgiving Clarke directly like he has in the past. Instead of forgiveness, he is giving her, and the both of them, a new beginning. Not a slate wiped clean; there is still too much joy and hurt and relief and anger all in equal amounts between them that will have to be unpacked in the near future, but it’s something entirely new for them.

For me, Bellamy and Clarke have come full circle. They are together, and in sync, but they are ready for something new to develop in their dynamic. 

And so I am.

[shoelacecollection]

Worst Nightmare

The Newdle’s got mites!

(You should expect this as a given with any new snake. Better safe than not.)

What do you do about mites? You get down to business. (TL;DR at the end.)

1) Quarantine, Quarantine, Quarantine!

Mites are the devil and can spread diseases from snake to snake in the same way that mosquitoes spread malaria. Whenever you bring a Newdle into the home, keep that man the hell away from all your other little buddies. A month will work for mites alone, but I’m a proponent of long-term quarantine of 6 months or greater if you can manage it, mostly for a little disease called Inclusion Body Disease, an invariably fatal, contagious monster of an illness which both Pythons and Boas are susceptible to. Don’t risk it!

2) Isolation and Cleaning of the Snake Itself

Regardless of whether you were quarantining or not, you’re gonna want to get the affected away from the rest of your animals right away -- and furthermore, assume that the entire rest of your collection is affected and proceed accordingly.

Take the infected animal(s) and give them a soak. They’re probably already soaking, because snakes sit in water to try and kill off their parasitic little friends -- but nonetheless put then into a ventilated bin and give them a soak. (Then when they foul the water, clean the whole entire thing and put them BACK in for the REAL soak.) Add a little betadine to the water after they’ve fouled the water, been put into new water, and had their fill of THAT water to help soothe all the bites. This won’t kill the mites, this is purely for the poor snake’s comfort because mite bites are like mosquito bites and clearly make the animal uncomfortable.

After they’ve had their soak, I recommend wiping them down with a product called Reptile Relief. It’s snake-safe and it can help kill off anything you miss. It’s about the only thing you can apply directly to an animal -- don’t even think of trying it with the other thing I’m about to mention.

3) Cleaning the Enclosure (and Everything Else)

While your snake is safely tucked away somewhere surrounded by paper towels covered in Reptile Relief to deter anything getting out of the bin (NE Herp does this to keep mites out of their fly colonies,) it’s time for the nuclear option on the enclosure itself. 

If there are other animals in this room, including feeder insects, get them out before you do this. Wear gloves, open the windows, and turn on the fan, because we’re dealing with some serious stuff now, and it can be fatal to small animals and make you sick your damn self.

Deep clean the enclosure in your usual method, making note that when you’re done you’re gonna be washing whatever you’re wearing on hot. Throw out anything porous -- sorry, but you’re not saving it now. Anything in there that’s got little cracks/crevices or isn’t made of hard plastic, glass, or metal is a lost cause. 

This is the nuclear option, but it’s time to go nuclear. Mites are no joke.

Once everything’s cleaned, either take it outside or put it somewhere with great ventilation. Protect yourself, too -- gloves, a mask if you got one, it’s not gonna kill you outright but you don’t want it on you.

Then spray every item except the water bowl down on all sides (though you don’t need much!) with a product called Provent-a-Mite. 

PAM is a miticide, it’s an insecticide for mites, and if you don’t like chemicals you’re just gonna have to move past that today. It’s long-lasting, and it will kill both the mites that exist, and the ones that are going to hatch out for the next few weeks. One can will last you for ages if used as directed, so it’s always good to keep it on hand... just in case.

While the enclosures are airing out, turn to the room itself. Spray the doors, the perimeter around each enclosure, and things like snake hooks and bedding or other soft materials where snakes might have been and deposited mites in the process. Don’t spray anything used in feeding like hemostats, tongs, or (god help you) a pinkie pump, or anything meant to hold your snake’s water, as you don’t want them ingesting this shit.

(If you already know what a Pinkie Pump is and what it’s for, you probably already know everything in this guide.)

Once that’s done, leave everything to air out for at least six hours, but go to twelve if you can. You do not want fumes hanging around.

4) Aftercare

You are going to need to be stringent in cleaning everything from here on out. To quote Mad-Eye Moody here for a second, CONSTANT VIGILANCE. Check everything. Toss sheds right away. Change clothes -- yes, really -- between handling the infested and the rest of your collection. We’re back in quarantine mode, folks, function over form, sterilization over decoration. Paper towels, two hides, water bowl, heat source. To add more gives the mites a place to potentially hide. Your snake will be fine in this setup until you can clear the room and the rest of your house as a mite-free zone.

Continue to clean as you regularly do. Fresh water every day, replace paper towels as needed, always check for mites. I recommend spraying more Reptile Relief once a week, but if using PAM you probably don’t have to do that. Do a complete teardown once a month and reapply PAM to at least the enclosure and fixtures, making sure to use the proper precautions when doing so.

Yes, it’s a lot of work. It’s a pain in the ass. But it’s better than the alternative, and it’s what our animals deserve.

Keep to the routine for at least three months after you stop seeing mites.  Do not take for granted that they are gone until you can be POSITIVE that they are gone, because it only takes one missed mite to start this whole ordeal over again.

5) Prevention is Worth an Ounce of Cure

Mites are scary, and the worst. What can you do to prevent them? 

Quarantining new arrivals is the biggest kindness you can give to your pets, folks. I cannot stress this enough. Even if the animal you get in is sick or mitey or otherwise ill, at least by quarantining them, you prevent the rest of your animals from winding up as sick as the poor new guy. Quarantine is the single best defense between one sick animal and nothing BUT sick animals. It’s worth the hassle.

Freezing substrates can also help, though, as can making sure you buy bedding from places that don’t generally carry animals. Mites are like ticks, and they can survive for a quite a while without food. Getting something where there aren’t any other animals simply decreases the risk of encountering mites in an already-healthy collection. Prophylactically spraying down bedding and new enclosures with PAM before you even set them up can be a great help to get a head-start on killing off any mites that might be coming into your house on an animal in the mail, too, and it really doesn’t take much to get the job done, so it’s a worthwhile endeavor in my opinion.

Feeding frozen-thawed can help, too -- but that’s not an option for everyone (lizard feeders, you have my sympathy.) For those who can do it (and that’s the majority of people who keep herps,) do it! It’s safer for everyone involved.

One more thing you can do, though don’t do it if you’re using PAM, is buy a bag of Hypoasis miles -- mites that eat mites. I’d only do this for people with sensitive animals like amphibians who can’t handle chemicals nearly as well -- especially since Hypoasis need high humidity environments to survive.. They’ll eat anything that lives on the surface of the soil and above, and they’re a self-limiting population that will feed on themselves if they run out of food. 1000% recommended if you have a problem in a planted vivarium or another setup that’s difficult to just tear down and put back together. (That said, they’re a little pricey!)

Afterword and TL;DR

At the end of the day, most keepers are probably going to run into mites at some point in their life. Whether you keep noodles, lizards, or something else entirely (’sup, backyard chicken community!), mites are the great equalizer, and even the best-kept animals still run the risk of mites or ticks. So it’s better to be prepared and aware of what to do ahead of time, rather than to frantically google it and wait days for fancy reptile products to get shipped to your home.

Don’t be the me of the past, and I hope no one ever needs this guide.

TL;DR

QUARANTINE so you don’t have this issue

ISOLATE if you have this issue anyway

CLEAN everything, snake, enclosure, the works

TREAT the snake, the bedding, the enclosure, the room

VENTILATE this step is important I’m serious

MONITOR the animal going forward

MAINTAIN the treatments for at least 3mo after the last seen mite

CONSTANT VIGILANCE

This has been my PSA on mites and what to do about them.

[bermudaroad]

Personal History:  Summer of ’91

My kids Walker Roe and Clayton, ages 18 and 20, his girlfriend Adrian and their friends Reed, Shelby and Trevor spent the covid spring and summer of 2020 hanging out together, swimming, kayaking, watching movies, lamenting their lost semester and generally not following recommended guidelines for social distancing. Clayton was able to continue work while the rest finished spring classes online, which was a total bummer.  With businesses and restaurants shuttered for quarantine, there hasn’t been much else to do.  Walker and Reed had internships lined up that were cancelled.  Adrian did some housecleaning and as soon as a few restaurants did open back up, she and Trevor, who both used to work at the pub, got part-time jobs.  Reed cuts grass. The rest of their time is spent mostly at leisure.  

In seeming unrelated news, Thomas, one of my oldest friends, became a grandfather last week.  Because of covid, no visitors could go into the hospital, so when the baby was born, the new dad held her up to the hospital window and the grandparents all held up posters and signs of congratulations outside.  It was shared on Facebook, so I sent Thomas a text.  I could tell from his response how giddy he was. They didn’t get to actually hold the new baby for three or four days.

The quarantine, my kids’ spring and summer getting derailed and Thomas becoming Pawpaw got me thinking about the summer after our first year of college, back in Many, the summer of 1991.  I spent that time mostly with a small group with whom I had been friends since first grade: Thomas, of course; Ginger who was home from school in Oklahoma, Jeff and Andy who, like Thomas and me had been going to Northwestern State, and Ginger’s brother Clay who had just finished 10th grade and had finally stopped being a complete jerk.  Sometimes there would be one or two others, but that was the core group. 

Except for Clay, we were 18/19 and had just got our first big kid jobs.  Thomas and Jeff went to work at the mill in Florien, Gin got a job at the radio station and I was tellering at Sabine State Bank. I can’t remember what Andy was doing, probably working for his grandpa, and Clay, who was 16 and fast growing into a giant of a man, tooled around in his truck and worked out at the gym.  We no longer had curfews and seldom felt the need to ask our parents for anything.

We were all single, too, which probably explains why our group was small and close.

Ginger had come home from Oklahoma unsettled.  The previous Christmas, she had appalled her family by getting engaged to her long-time boyfriend Nathen, the same person who had been fooling around with our other friend Jamie behind Ginger’s back for most of the time they were dating.  Ginger found out about it in the middle of our senior year which was pretty much wrecked after that, but she and Nate stayed together, even though neither was happy. Her parents had hoped that when she shipped out for Oklahoma and Nate left for LSU, things would fizzle between them, so their surprise engagement at Christmas 1990 was less than joyous. By February, Ginger had come to her senses. She mailed Nathen back his pitiful little ring and he decided to stay in Baton Rouge for the summer, thankfully bringing that awful drama to an end. Also, she had met someone new in Oklahoma.

Clay’s girlfriend Anna had broken up with him right after Prom.  She was a classy girl, also a friend of ours, and she returned the jewelry Clay had given her, which Ginger divided up with me. Thomas and Jeff had recently split with the girls they dated through and beyond high school. Andy was always single, even though he carried a torch for Jamie for years. They were funny, affable guys and great pals.

I was fractured, too. My first love Patrick and I had outgrown each other and he had broken up with me in the spring, which was for the best, but I missed him terribly.  He was already seeing someone else. I was on a mission to get over Patrick, lose the freshman 15 I had packed on and have fun with my friends – Thomas being chief mischief-maker and proponent of fun.  

Riding around town, “making a drag” as we called it, wasn’t for us anymore as we tried to avoid our old flames, which was hard to do in Many.  Most of our friends had significant others to absorb their spare time and several had jumped straight into adulthood, going to work in the oilfield, joining the military or getting married.  We, on the other hand, aside from work responsibilities, could do pretty much whatever we wanted.  

Often after work, we would meet up and go hang out somewhere on Toledo Bend, the long pier at Pendleton or my parents’ place down near Quiet Cove, to drink wine coolers and talk nonsense.  Weekends we went swimming at LaNan or San Miguel and a couple of times Andy drove his grandpa’s barge across the lake to the cliffs on the Texas side where kids used to shinny up a frayed rope as thick as my arm to the top of the bluff and jump off.  The boys listened to the Beasty Boys, N.W.A., Sir Mix-A-Lot and Color Me Bad (I wasn’t a big fan of any of it) and Ginger had discovered Garth Brooks. We went to our friends’ weddings, stayed out too late, crashed at each other’s houses, made it to work on time and irritated our parents.

There were some long serious talks, too, as we commiserated and sorted out our broken hearts. Clay even opened up about his lost love.  It was a bonding period for Clay and Ginger who had spent most of their childhood fighting, and for he and I as well.  

I hope my kids aren’t as stupid as we were and I’m eternally grateful that social media did not exist.  One night – I don’t know what go into us - we got a wild hair and vandalized a dumpster with spray paint.  Thomas and Jeff frequently made a contest of pitching empty beer bottles at road signs going 4/60 down the highway headed to the lake. Under a full July moon, Andy took us armadillo hunting at his grandpa’s farm.  Riding four-wheelers and armed with .22s and homemade pipe bombs, we crisscrossed the pasture in the moonlight firing at will in the humid night that was thick with recklessness.  Another time Thomas and I were headed to Natchitoches in his monster old Bronco when I told him I wanted to smoke a cigarette. Thomas habitually swiped packs of Marlboro Reds from the carton his dad kept on top of their fridge. He offered me a light and told me what to do.  And so it was that I smoked the inaugural cigarette – the very first one -- in the drive-thru at Maggio’s, coughing and turning green and reveling in my rebellion. I even remember the music we were listening to: a cassette single of “I Wanna Be with You” by Pretty Boy Floyd. I don’t know why that detail has stuck with me.

At some point, Jeff and Andy both noticed charms about Ginger that had never been obvious to them before.  This was typical of Andy but surprising for Jeff. Thomas and I were greatly amused. Jeff made the first move, asking Ginger on a date that Clay offered to chaperone.  They went to see “King Ralph,” and the rest of us chased them down at Hardee’s after the movie.  I remember gathering around Jeff’s white Dodge stepside in the parking lot and snickering because Gin was sitting next to him in the cab. We all knew it wasn’t going anywhere; it was just a lark.  It wasn’t long before Ginger’s beau from Oklahoma couldn’t stand the separation anymore and hauled it down to Louisiana for a visit, which is how I met Brent and was maid of honor at their wedding a year later.  

With Ginger unavailable, Andy turned his attention to me and was rebuffed again.  But he wasn’t too disappointed.

As summers do, it went by in a blink and in mid-August, it was time to get back to business.  Clay started two-a-days, Gin packed up for Oklahoma and I, who had starved myself down to a wafer, moved back to Natchitoches. Thomas and Jeff were supposed to commute together, but Jeff dropped out of school to work full-time.  Andy transferred to LSU.  Thomas fell in with my college buddies and we share those memories as well.  It wasn’t our last summer of fun – we had a few more in store before adulthood really caught up with us.

Now we are in our late 40s – the summer of our lives. Thomas and Jeff still work together. They are deacons in their church, volunteer coaches and planners of wholesome youth activities.  Ginger and Brent have been over in Nacogdoches for over 20 years and active in ministry in their community.  Andy married a girl from Baton Rouge and lives on his family’s farm.  Clay went on to play football at Louisiana Tech, but personal troubles have always dogged him, even unto today. I married a nice guy I met in journalism class and have lived in Natchitoches ever since. We have seen each other quite a bit over the years, most recently when Ginger and Clay’s dad died, an occasion marked by the same old sense of camaraderie, nostalgia and some measure of sadness.  

It’s been a strange year, this spring and summer of covid.  It’s nice to see Clayton and Walker spending quality time together.  Interestingly, during the pandemic, Walker and her college friends have been writing old-fashioned letters and mailing them to each other, a true novelty for them.

It brings to mind the contrasts between the now and then.  In 1991 we had no cell phones, no email, no Internet, no Netflix, no Twitter or Snapchat.  Our parents had no idea where we were or what we were up to most of the time.  We had to make plans and sometimes locate each other by that peculiar friend-radar teenagers used to have.  We could buy alcohol and never wore seatbelts. Most blessed of all, youthful indiscretions were not splashed all over the social media, although I do have some lake photos boxed up on a high shelf.  It seems like our freedom was much greater in many ways. Some things change and some things stay the same.

It’s hard to believe it was almost 30 years ago.  Summers always go by too fast.

[kane-and-griffin]

Hey! So I know that you're the most famous person of the kabby fandom (and I love you btw) so there's something I need to tell you. I've seen a lot of people from the kabby fandom (which I am a part of it) getting mad whenever someone on twitter doesn't like Kane or Abby, saying that it's because they are ageist which I think is really annoying (like they start going off on them almost every time ) 1/2

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and if they don’t like a character it’s not necessarily bc they’re ageist. I think that this is the reason a lot of people don’t like us so (if you agree with me ofc) could you maybe pass the word? I love you btw you’re an amazing person and your ff are the best 😘 2/2             

Okay.  So.  

There’s a lot to unpack here.

I have a lot of thoughts, some of which may notbe the thoughts you were hoping that I would have.  I do want to thank you for your very sweet words, but I also want to address a few things about this askI find extremely frustrating, not with the intent of making you feel bad butbecause I think there are some big conversations here worth having in a broadercontext.

First and foremost, and this is something most ofyou have heard me reiterate many times, I am a strong advocate of peopleaddressing their problems with each other directly.  If you saw someone on Twitter accuse someoneof being ageist and you disagree, that’s fair to say!  Social media is a free and open exchange ofideas.  Also, if you’re a member of theKabby fandom, and you witness another member of the Kabby fandom engaging inbad internet behavior, call them out!  It’salways better for communities to go collect their own people when they crossthe line rather than expecting others to do it. If your fellow fan tweets something mean, call it out.  We all need to do our part to shut that stuffdown and make the fandom a better place. But the right forum for that is to bring it up with the person whoactually said or did the thing you’re upset about, and not to bring it to acompletely unrelated party.

Which brings me to my second point: I’m extremelyuncomfortable being addressed as though I speak for the entirety of the Kabbyfandom.  I don’t.  No one person does.  Fandoms are communities made of individualpeople who have shared interests, but there’s no hierarchy. I don’t want to bethe Bad Fandom Behavior Police. This is especially frustrating when I getasks where one member of the fandom comes to Kabby Mom about something anothermember of the fandom did … especially when it’s something I wasn’t part ofand didn’t witness.  

And that, my dear Anon, is the big problem that I’mhaving with this request.  I don’t haveany idea what incident you’re referring to, what was said, by whom, to whom, orwhat the context was.  You’re asking meto agree with you that somebody was out of line, and that, quote, “that’s whypeople don’t like us.”  But I can’t grantthat premise without knowing what you’re talking about.  

(Also, by the way, I would urge you to let go ofspending too much time caring about whether other fandoms like us.  I can assure you, most of them honestly probablyaren’t thinking about us that much.)  

If I understand the situation correctly, and ifwe’re referring to a real incident and not a hypothetical, you’re saying that PersonA tweeted something negative about Kabby and Person B said “that’s ageist.”  You, Anon, believe that Person A was not being ageist, that Person B overreacted,and that B is the one whose behavior is the problem.  And that’s certainly one possibility.  But the other possibility is that maybePerson A was being ageist but neither Person A nor you have recognizedit.

And I cannot make that determination for you,because you haven’t told me anything concrete, and I wasn’t there.

I am also a thirty-six-year-old woman in a fandomfull of teenagers and if you are not thirty-six then it is entirely possiblethat you and I are seeing the concept of ageism from two very different andincompatible points of view in the first place.

That being said, if you want my opinion, here is my opinion.

First, there really is no excuse for being a jerk onthe internet, no matter what you disagree about.  There will always be people who love thingsyou hate and hate things you love and ship things you find incomprehensible andreject headcanons you treat as gospel, because we all fandom in our ownways.  So if you’re asking me, shouldKabby shippers get a pass on being jerks to non-Kabby shippers just because I,personally, ship Kabby, my answer to that is, “of course not, that is insane.”  Disagreement and discussion are always okay;Twitter is a public forum, and if someone voices an opinion, you get to haveyour own opinion about it.  But being ajerk is never okay.  

In general, I am a strong proponent of stayingin your lane. I’m a pretty ruthless curator of my Twitter and Tumblr feeds, soI don’t follow anyone who talks shit about Kane or Abby (I have a one-strikeblock policy with this), and I recommend this approach to everyone.  Make your social media feed your happy place.

Now, there are lots of people in the fandom who don’tlike, or simply don’t care for, Kane and/or Abby.  There are probably plenty of reasons forthis, and not, not every single one of these reasons is inherently ageist. HOWEVER!The fact that you did not see the comment in question as being ageist does not actually mean it was not ageistor that the person who called them out was wrong for doing so.  

Ageism is hardwired into the very fabric of oursociety – like misogny and heterosexism and racism – and just like with thoseother -isms, most of the time when we serenely think that we are guiltless ofit, we are lying to ourselves. And that goes for internalized prejudices,too.  This stuff is ingrained in us from birth. In general, the sameway I am inherently suspicious of white people saying “I AM ZERO PERCENTRACIST” and men saying “I AM THE MOST FEMINIST MAN TO EVER MAN”, I tend to takewith a grain of salt the words of people much younger than me talking about ageism in this fandom because I actually see it a lot.

And fam, we need to talk about the differencebetween fandom discourse about Abby and fandom discourse about Kane.

Now, your mileage may vary, but I will say thatin my personal experience, when I stumble upon someone who does like Abby but doesn’t likeKane, I agree that it frequently has its roots in reasons which are notinherently, automatically ageist.  Ittends to be rooted rather clearly in plot. More often than not, they’re still tripping up over something he did in aprevious season that they can’t get past. (We should probably save the conversation about our fandom’s selectiveforgiveness problem for another time.)  Theycan’t get past the Culling, or arresting/shocklashing/attempting to float Abby,or being too hard on Bellamy, or losing the election to Pike by choosing toally with the Grounders, or floating Aurora or Jake, or just in general being amega-dick in the pilot.  And that’sfine!  I mean I feel like you’re missingout by giving his four-season character development arc short shrift andignoring the way all the terrible things he’s done in the past shaped him intoa better person once he confronted them, but whatever!  The point is that, you’re right, thatreasoning is not, in and of itself, inherently ageist.  That’s not to say that there aren’t any fanswho straight-up just don’t like him because they think old guys are boring, forthe most part, when I see people dislike Kane, it’s a reaction to something that he did.

But we actually do need to talk about ageism andAbby in this fandom.  Because it is a big fucking problem. 

The problem with ageism and Abby is that moreoften than not, from what I’ve seen, when people dislike Abby, it’s a reactionto who and what she is.  It is absolutely impossible to separate itfrom internalized misogyny and the way older women are systematically devaluedby our culture in ways that sometimes we can’t even see as ageist, because they’rejust hardwired into us. 

Sure, every once in awhile you get an easy one,and someone whines on Twitter about “gross old person sex,” and then you canpoint to it very clearly, and nobody will dispute that we’re talking aboutageism here.  But it’s often so muchmurkier than that.  Ageism can look likea lot of different things, many of which you’ll believe are completelyunrelated.

Ageism can look like fans who show up in thecomments of the writers’ room Twitter and Instagram when they post pictures ofthe adults to say “nobody cares about them, post [whoever I personally stan themost] instead.”

Ageism can look like gifset after gifset featuring “leading ladies of The 100″ where they include Fox and Maya and Charlotte, but not Abby (who has second billing in the cast after Clarke).

Ageism can look like a blanket refusal, under inany situation where Clarke and Abby are at odds, to grant that Abby might havea point, even when the narrative is clearlytelling us that Clarke is the character at fault. The tendency within thisfandom for young girls who closely identify with Clarke to graft their own momfrustrations onto Abby is virtually never-ending, and it can be hard to sift throughthe the complex intersection of ageism and misogyny that makes it impossiblefor them not to see mothers as human beings who are interesting, who are wise,who are right, who know things their children do not, who are sexual, who areallowed to make mistakes, who deserve screen time and plot agency, who are justas vital to the story as the teenagers.

Ageism can look like giving Clarke sole creditfor establishing peace with the Grounders through Lexa, when in fact it wasKane who made the first contact with her and got her to offer the treaty in thefirst place, and it was Abby turning Lincoln from a Reaper back into himselfagain that cemented the alliance.

Ageism can look like shutting down Kabby shippersgleefully enjoying headcanons about bunker baby theory because Abby is “too oldto have a baby” – a misconception that has permeated so deeply into our culturethat we have all internalized the belief that no woman is supposed to have ababy over the age of 35 as though it is inarguable scientific fact, even thoughit may interest you to know thatis a myth.  (“What? How did I notknow that that was a myth?” BECAUSE OUR ENTIRE SOCIETY IS AGEIST TOWARDS WOMENAND THE STUDY THAT GAVE US 35 AS THE MAGIC STOP NUMBER IS FROM LIKE THE 1700’S,THAT’S HOW FEW FUCKS THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY GIVES ABOUT UP-TO-DATE RESEARCH ON THEHEALTH OF OLDER WOMEN)

Ageism can look like a fan who ships all thenon-canon ships … except Doctor Mechanic, because it’s “gross” and “Abby isbasically her mom.”  The inherentdesexualization of age-difference relationships is often rooted in ageism.  You don’t have to ship it!  But if you insist that no one should ship it, then there may be some ageism in the rootsof your ship-shaming.

My point here, dear Anon, is that if you arelooking for someone to tell you, “you’re right, Kabby shippers overreact aboutageism in this fandom,” you are barking up the wrong tree, because from where Istand, as a woman far closer to Abby’s age than Clarke’s, I’m going to venturethat we don’t talk about ageism enough.  And like many -isms in our society, if itdoesn’t appear to you to be that big a problem, that may be because it doesn’tapply to you.  (Yet.)

Now, to be clear – before someone sends me anangry rebuttal to this – not in a million years am I saying that it makes you inherently ageist if you don’t shipKabby.  Just like it doesn’t make you inherentlyhomophobic if you don’t like Lexa or inherently racist if you don’t like Bellamy or inherentlymisogynist if you don’t like Clarke.  Butall squares are rectangles, even if not all rectangles are squares.  By which I mean that, contained within thegroup of people who don’t ship Kabby, there is a lot of ageism, just as,contained within the group of people who hate Bellamy, there’s a lot ofproblematic racial shit, and it means we need to have a clearer understandingof where those lines are so that we recognize the ugly stuff when it shows upon our timeline and call it out when we see it.

[landofsomethingsomething]

Hello! I often see people ask about what they enjoy about a certain ship, but I'd thought it'd be interesting to see what you dislike about them. This can either mean content (art, fic, hc's, and so on) you don't like encountering, canon interactions and dynamics, fanon-accepted interactions and dynamics, or even something you personally headcanon that you don't like but is probably true.

I actually don’t really like going on about things I don’t like about fanwork in public. The people creating the stuff I don’t like are making it presumably because they like it, for free, for fun, and I am a pretty big proponent of staying in your own lane. I don’t want someone coming across my list of personal grievances and feeling bad about their work because one person in the fandom doesn’t like it, or worse, someone coming across my list and feeling paranoid that I’m calling out something specific they did or whatever. 

Like for example, I come across a lot of “every davekat fic ever lol” posts making fun of silly common tropes in fic of them and they always rub me the wrong way because like … what’s the point? All you’re doing is telling someone a harmless thing they like is bad and they should feel bad for liking it, and at worst you’re discouraging people from continuing to make content that would almost certainly improve over time if you just left them alone or even better, were encouraging and positive instead.

So, yeah. I don’t know. It’s a weird line because I do talk about characterization sometimes and some things I don’t really gel with in regards to popular fanon vs my interpretation of canon, and I have gotten salty in the past and whined about specific fanon on this blog, but in general on a public platform I like to stick to broadcasting what I like instead of calling out things I don’t, and I become more firm in that philosophy as time goes on.

[moviegroovies]

oof. in the last few days, i’ve watched five (5) new movies, at least three of which i have opinions on i’d like to share. for convenience’s sake, i’m going to start with the most recent, and work back from there. 

so: troy (2004) 

as someone who was coerced into studying the iliad at a liberal arts college, this movie enraged me. as someone who likes to enjoy himself while watching movies, this movie horrified me. all around, i’m going to rate it a solid 3/10, and that might be generous, but there WERE a few things i liked, which i’m going to talk about, because what else do i do here, anyway.

i’m not even going to get into all the ways this was an unfaithful adaptation of the source material, because there just is not the fucking time, and i’m sure other people before me have done it, so let’s just say that the moment they cast brad pitt as achilles, all hope was lost. i will comment that they of course no-homo’d achilles and patroclus, but had i gone in expecting to see any representation in this movie, i would have been an even bigger masochist than i am. that does not mean i wasn’t still a little disappointed, though.

troy takes into account much more than the actual span of the iliad, beginning (long) before the start of the epic and ending after it finished. in this way, we see the full span of the story, which i suppose is a good thing, although it did stretch this painfully milquetoast adaptation into an agonizing three hours. we see everything from agamemnon’s quest to unite all the kingdoms of greece together underneath his rule to the sacking of troy, meaning we also get to see paris seducing helen, achilles’ death, and the sacking of troy with the trojan horse, all of which the iliad does not include. being that the actual content of the iliad isn’t quite so battle-focused as the general public might think, these things are all probably good for the telling of an actual story. i can forgive most of the changes to the story that we did see, because i think that, given that you don’t know the source material, it makes for a cohesive and satisfying narrative, all in all. menelaus’s character being changed to make helen’s choice to leave with paris more sympathetic made the choice to have hector kill him a cathartic one. even better was briseis getting to take her revenge on agamemnon for his treatment toward her and, more generally, the fact that he was the one who brought war and soldiers to her front door. sure, that totally ruins the play orestes, but that was never going to be the sequel we were waiting for, anyway. 

side note, i think of the actors, agamemnon (played by brain cox) was the best. he just had a really good love-to-hate-him thing going, and played up his part pretty excellently. orlando bloom also felt like a good choice for paris (i would for sure leave menelaus for him, for instance), and vincent regan as eudoros was sort of a dark horse in the cast for me; i’d never heard of him before, and his character was small, but there was something striking about him. maybe it was just his eyes. 

in the movie, the siege of troy went from spanning ten years to like... maybe a couple of weeks? that was the one change from the source material that i really couldn’t abide, but What Ever I Guess. if they had just begun in the 9th year of the siege, it might have made the casting of then 40 year old brad pitt as achilles make a little more sense. as it stands.... whatever. sure. do whatever the fuck you want. i can’t stop you. 

generally, i like brad pitt in things (one of the other movies of the five that i watched, for instance, was se7en, although i don’t really have any particular comments on that other than, it was good, i liked it, i probably won’t choose to watch it again just on a whim), but i really could not get behind this particular performance. it had some of the same problems as him at the start of interview with the vampire; i think he kind of warmed to the role with that one, but the scene with him as a dissociating human felt... off, in terms of acting, but maybe that’s just me. either way, i’m not sure he ever really warmed to being achilles. 

and that sucked, because achilles could have been such a good character. 

obviously my personal bias is being taken into account here (yes, i read TSoA, yes i am letting it influence my perception of the dude), but if troy’s achilles had been prepared to put the raw emotion latent in the iliad’s achilles into the role, i think the character would have hit harder than he did. i personally didn’t love the expanded romance with briseis that they shoved in, but there was potential to see some tenderness there, and that could have been played up more, especially since she acted as the catalyst, here, for achilles to consider accepting the happy but unremarkable life he could have lived, instead of dying for glory in troy. failing that, i think patroclus’ role should have been more pronounced, and i’m not even saying that as a proponent of the patroclus/achilles relationship; even if they kept the two of them as cousins as they did in this setting, i think we needed to see a lot more interactions than the ones we did (although there was a fair amount, and given how long the movie turned out, i understand why it wasn’t fleshed out better) to really justify how hard achilles took the death of patroclus. there WERE some times that achilles got to exhibit emotions other than like emotionally stunted badass soldier either brooding or being pissed off--and that’s one of the highlights of the film, i’ll get back to that in a second--but the emotional climax between achilles and hector didn’t live up to my expectations. for one thing, in that scene in the poem, achilles didn’t just fight hector in retribution for the death of patroclus. he fought EVERYONE, up to and including hector, and more than that, a fucking RIVER DEITY. it was wild, unabashed grief that made him do horrible things. i would have personally loved to see an unhinged rampage, and instead, it got boiled down to one single fight between achilles and hector that lasted, i think, far longer than it should have. achilles was more powerful than hector, no matter how good hector was. i think it might have been more to my taste, at least, if we were shown that achilles had the strength to kill hector in a second, hardly taking him on to fight, and simply hadn’t before this because he was never given a reason to. 

all i’m saying is, movies are more interesting when characters are allowed to fully break, fully snap, just go buck fucking wild. but that’s just my onion.

i said i was going to come back to the “more emotions than emotional constipation” thing, and let’s do that now. one thing i DID like about the choices made in this film was that achilles was allowed to cry on screen, and he did, several times. i don’t know how to express how refreshing it was to see the archetypal badass soldier, the best of the greeks, break down into tears, especially when you consider how few movies really show men crying, much less movies of this particular genre. it’s kind of one of those “don’t give them props for scraping the bottom of the barrel” things, but i liked it, and since there were so few things i really did like about this movie, i’m going to give them props there. not just that, either--i also liked the way that paris could not face his death in his fight with menelaus, and crawled, terrified, back to his older brother. i liked that, while he degraded himself for the act later, the narrative and other characters never treated this like the wrong decision. sometimes, it’s impossible or incorrect to be noble at the price of yourself, especially in something like the fight over the hand of a woman who made her decision on where to go. paris did not win the fight, but he had a brother who loved him, and menelaus couldn’t understand that. and he died.

interestingly enough, paris also loses that fight in the epic, but rather than going to hector for protection, he’s whisked away by aphrodite before he can be killed. this was changed, naturally, because at no point in troy do the gods, who play by all accounts very important parts in the trojan war as told by the iliad, actually appear in the movie. they’re discussed throughout, and achilles’ mother, a goddess in the epic, appears to speak to him before he leaves for war, but it’s never affirmed whether or not she is divine, whether apollo is truly taking revenge for achilles’ desecration of his temple, whether godhood can be trusted or not. this is a theme that’s discussed and subverted many times, bringing in a type of ancient agnosticism to both the characters of achilles and hector, but ultimately it’s left unsolved. since they went the route of not being including the gods as characters, i’m happy with that conclusion. one of the more powerful bits of screentime between achilles and briseis was when he confided that he believed the gods were jealous of humans for their mortality, so ultimately, it was fitting that this story was told about the humans and the heroes, a celebration and examination of humanity, rather than throwing in divine intervention and cheapening the plot. 

there was a theme of love in the movie which i liked pretty well, especially for the fact that it wasn’t focused entirely on romantic love. the war began because helen ran back with paris, but not really: agamemnon was itching for a war anyway, and was happy to use his brother’s missing wife as a reason to begin the fight with troy he had been craving. menelaus clearly had no problem being cruel and unfaithful to helen, so her leaving him is not framed as a slutty and frivolous choice as it has been in other media. she goes off with someone willing to give away everything (up to and including his family and his palace) for her, and it’s honestly hard to blame her for that. plus, the war could have also been averted by hector turning around the ship and returning helen to her husband, which he very nearly does, except that if he did, he knows paris will try to fight menelaus for her and die, and he cannot bear the death of his brother. therefore, the war begins with two sets of brothers and two sets of lovers: helen chooses paris because he genuinely loves her, hector allows it because he loves his brother, and agamemnon profits off his brother’s loss because he loves nothing more than power, and the loss is a chance for that. achilles nearly costs agamemnon the war because he’s ready to leave and live his full life thanks to the love of briseis, until his love of patroclus and his grief at his death take that option away. priam gets a speech toward the beginning about there being worse reasons to fight a war than for love. i think this is honestly kind of simplistic and missing the point of what war is in general, but it was a nice scene to play into the theme.

outside of that, other things i enjoyed were odysseus’s narration book-ending the action, because he’s my favorite character of homer’s, if not in troy (i honestly don’t like sean penn in the role, but that’s my own personal cross to bear), the scene around patroclus’ death where eudoros looks on in horror when he thinks it’s achilles and then gives a visible sigh of relief, even as it’s mixed with the horror of patroclus’ death when the helmet is removed and he sees it’s not, the part where agamemnon looks on at patroclus’ funeral and comments how “that boy just won [him] the war,” which was such an asshole thing to say but also honestly what i was thinking, and that one little scene with paris giving the sword of troy to aeneas as a fun little shoutout to the aeneid. i could go into other things i DIDN’T like, but after watching that movie for three fucking hours, i think i’ve put enough time into that as it is. 

coming soon: pointless commentary on the first back to the future and fright night (1985)! get hype!!!

[thelegendofclarke]

how do you think a jon and sansa endgame would end up being if it happened? i saw something saying that it seems like people don't think about what the side effects of them getting together would be long term and i am wondering what you think?

Hey Anonny!

Oh man haha, this is such a LOADED question honestly. Because I feel like it all kind of depends on the context of both the tone of the post, and whether it was referring to the books or the show or both.

As far as responding to the post… Since I don’t know what it is or what it said or the tone of it, I can really only kind of attempt to guess and then base my responses on my guesses?

If the post was saying like “no one thinks about what would happen if they got together because no one thinks about them getting together/no one thinks they will get together” then I mean, I can only speak for myself, but I can certainly tell you it’s not true because I think about it ALL THE TIME. I probably spend faaarrr more time than I should thinking about Jon and Sansa getting together lol. I have actually always thought that Jon and Sansa had good canon potential, it’s one of the thing that drew me to the ship in the first place. They are both characters I care about and want good things for, and I think they would be both good to each other and good for each other. To me, that’s part of the appeal. I wasn’t always vocal about it yeah, but that was more due to a lack of having anyone to talk to (aka screech and flail at) about the particular possibility of them getting together until like a year ago than anything else. I mean, canon isn’t by any means a necessary part of shipping, but I do think it’s pretty normal to a certain extent (said extent NOT including shipping wank and wars and anon hate and telling people to kys and all that ridiculous bs). I feel like wanting to get to see your ship make out on screen/in print is a pretty common occurrence and I don’t get discounting or dismissing or ~poo-pooing~ it really, if that’s the direction the post was going in. It goes both ways too, people are just as free to think that canon doesn’t support a ship as they are to think it does. Canon and speculation and the like are just as much a part of shipping for some people as fanfic and fan art, they can put just as much time and effort and dedication into meta, speculation, ect. ect. as fanwork. And tbh I really don’t see anything wrong with that in general. To me it’s fun- I like thinking and speculating about what might happen. Like so many things in life, I am usually The Worst at it, but I love it all the same.

If the post was saying something more like “obviously no one thinks about this because they would realize it should/shouldn’t happen, or it is and/or isn’t going to happen” I pretty much disagree with that too. Shipping, fandom, and media consumption in general is sooo subjective. When people say something “clearly” is or isn’t going to happen, what they are really saying is that it’s clear to them. And what is clear for one person isn’t always the same as what is clear to other people. Different people have different life experiences and different dis/likes which gives them different biases. As a result, no one is going to read a story the exact same way as anyone else. People aren’t going to like and dislike the same characters, and they aren’t going to value or interpret relationships between those characters in the same way. Things that stick out to me may have never occurred to some of my friends, and vice versa. That doesn’t make either of us wrong, it just makes us different. Like I said above, shipping something canon or endgame isn’t a necessary part of shipping. And even if someone does ship a pairing as having canon potential, they aren’t required to think about every single possible outcome. A ship isn’t a thesis statement, you aren’t writing a 500 page paper on it that you are going to have to defend in front of a panel. If people want to focus on the good possible outcomes and not the bad ones, they are allowed to do that. In fact, I think its more than natural that people would want to focus on the good and not the bad imo. Fandom is supposed to be fun, people are going to go about it in whatever way is fun for them. This might just be me, but thinking about how terrible it would be if my ship ends up together isn’t necessarily all that fun for me.

If the post was just like an ~innocuous~ “here’s what I think what do you think?” type thing then again, I feel like that’s such a natural part of shipping. “Endgame” is such a pervasive and present part of shipping culture. I don’t see why this fandom would be any different, especially after all the Jon/Sansa content from s6. I am a big proponent of letting people do something they enjoy in whatever way they enjoy it ya know? And largely I think it goes both ways, people are just as free to discuss why they think canon doesn’t support a ship as why it does. Not everyone does things the same way as I do, or like the same things or ships or characters, and I’m cool with that.

And as far as what I think ~A Canon Jon/Sansa Relationship~ would look like, I can say I have definitely given it a lot of thought. Most of my thoughts revolve around the book series, but I feel like a lot of them could be relevant to the show as well.

One thing that I do think is easy to take for granted is that “canon” or “endgame” means “happy ending,” but I don’t necessarily think that would be the case for Jon and Sansa. Instead of a happy ending, I see it as more of a hopeful one. Both these characters have been put through the gd ringer and the story isn’t even close to over yet. Not only will they be recovering from all the trauma they have been through and they family they have lost, but they will also be dealing with Jon’s new identity, which they could both see as a loss in itself. Jon always wanted to be a Stark, and finding out his true parentage is going to be an hugely emotional blow. And even though they were never close in their childhood, Sansa could see it as her loosing another sibling. For them to not only have to be dealing with their new relationship as cousins, but with a new relationship of husband and wife, is going to be rough. Of course there is a chance they got find happiness, there is the hope that they could find love and form a partnership like Ned and Cat did. But GRRM in all his evil Santa, ridiculously trolling glory has promised us a bittersweet ending, so the chances of us actually ever getting to see that hope for happiness become a reality is like, slim to none.

But it would also be just like GRRM to pull something like this, because in a way it would be just his brand of asshole irony. Both characters would be getting exactly what they wanted in the last way they ever expected. Sansa always wanted to marry a prince, but I bet the last place she thought to look for one was her bastard brother. And Jon always wanted to be a Stark and to be Lord of WF, and now he would potentially be getting that through his marriage to Sansa. Another thing is that a potential marriage between Jon and Sansa would be able to keep them both in the North permanently and pretty much ensure they wouldn’t have to leave again. All the Starks’ narratives have been about going home. If Jon is going to also be dealing with an identity crisis, then it could be huge relief for him to not also have to worry about loosing his home and family as well. And that’s the other thing that has been so important in the Stark’s narrative: the importance of family bonds and the strength of the pack. A marriage between Jon and Sansa would be giving them both the promise of a family that they have both yearned for.

One think that I personally don’t think will be part of a Jon and Sansa endgame if it happens is that they would actually be in love when they married. Yes, this is just completely me speculating; but I don’t think that Jon/Sansa makes sense in a scenario in which they end up together because they fell in love first. First of all, it’s way to happy for ASoIaF- if Jon and Sansa were to fall in love first, then I think they would end up being separated, because its GRRM and that’s how he rolls. Secondly, I think that Jon and Sansa getting together would be more a marriage of politics and convenience (at first) than one of actual love. I don’t see both being part of the equation. And thirdly, due to some pretty heavy mental and emotional baggage, I just don’t know if either of them will be in the right headspace to fall in love right away. I think there will be a lot of emotional tension, but that’s parting of what makes it such an intriguing possibility. 

A very, very general overview of how I see a Jon and Sansa marriage going down is that it would a political move to unite the north and south and/or the realm. I think Westeros is going to look very different after the BftD, mainly in that there isn’t going to be an Iron Throne anymore. BUT that wouldn’t necessarily do away with the need for political alliances. In fact, during such a time of uncertainty and instability and upheaval, alliances would likely be more important than ever. If the Starks and Targaryens want to solidify an alliance between them, marriage would likely be the way to go. Both Jon and Sansa will likely be less than pleased and more than a little crabby about this. Jon will likely be dealing with his own identity issues, and Sansa will likely be resentful about yet another man who is marrying her for her name and her claim. I feel like it would probably take a hot sec for them to work through their personal issues before they even ATTEMPT to start working through their issues together. I also feel like there could be a fair amount of guilt involved on both sides, especially in the even that they DID end up starting to have feelings for each other. All that angsty tension just adds another layer to the story that makes it even more interesting, it’s why I am such a big fan of Angsty Assholes in an Arranged Marriage Au Fics. But in the end, both Jon and Sansa are fundamentally good characters and we want good things for them. They are both characters I care about and I think they would be both good to each other and good for each other. To me, that’s part of the appeal. So I think seeing them having the hope for happiness, even if we are never going to see the happiness itself, would be enough. 

No, I haven’t thought of every single out come or detail, and I make no claims to have done so. I haven’t compared the likelihood with every other possible pairing, and I know there are pairings for both characters that have just as much, if not more potential for happening. I haven’t thought about what the endgame for all the other characters in the story would be if a Jon/Sansa endgame relationship were to occur. I haven’t accounted for every single solitary variable and I’m not claiming to speak with any type of authority. I just think that in all its ironic glory and twisted romanticism, that this is an ending that is a definite possibility. 

[gyrlversion]

New York’s Most Splurge-Worthy Restaurants, According to 14 Chefs

Di An Di chef Dennis Ngo can’t get enough of Lilia. Photo: Melissa Hom

It’s a fact: Sometimes you just need to go big. But where to head when you want to blow half a month’s rent on dinner? That’s exactly the question we posed to 14 chefs around the city, who — of course — have many interesting thoughts on the topic. Here’s where they suggest you go when you really want to splurge. Enjoy yourself.

Dennis Ngo Chef-owner, Di An Di “Lilia was the first place my fiancée, Alia, and I went to when we had our first night off together after Di An Di opened, and we’ve been going back regularly since (when we can get a table that is). Alicia, the general manager, and chef Aaron are executing chef Missy’s vision at an extremely high level that is so enjoyable and delicious.”

Allison Kave Co-founder, Butter & Scotch “There are plenty of steakhouses in NYC, but I generally head to Peter Luger when I want to treat myself. While I loved the rib eye I shared with friends on my birthday last year (and the warm, efficient service we enjoyed), my favorite way to experience this institution is by grabbing a weekday lunchtime seat at the bar for the Luger Burger (a half-pound of their ground dry-aged beef, medium rare), a gin Martini, and their superlative hot fudge sundae with ‘Schlag,’ their utterly perfect homemade whipped cream.”

Sohui Kim Chef-owner, Insa and the Good Fork “Hands down, it’s Gramercy Tavern. It’s fueled by my relationship with the executive chef, Michael Anthony. I started my culinary career with him when he was a chef of Blue Hill. Since then, he has been a great mentor and friend. Whenever I have a great cook moving on from the Good Fork, I take them to Gramercy. I think of G.T. as a mother ship of great classic American, responsible restaurant management. Ah, and the food is impeccable and inspiring!”

Caroline Schiff Pastry chef and founder, the Paradigm Schiff “I have to give it up for Kajitsu. They serve stunning, intricate eight or ten course vegetarian tasting menus of shojin cuisine — the culinary tradition in Japanese Zen Buddhist monasteries. It’s one of the most unique and tranquil dining experiences in the city and the vegetarian menu is mind-blowing. Dishes are literal works of art and the flavors and ingredients are so unique. The whole dinner transports you. You can spend this kind of money at a lot of places, but you won’t find this experience anywhere else, and seeing that Kajitsu translates to ‘fine day’ or ‘day of celebration’ I think makes it the perfect place to splurge!”

Crown Shy’s James Kent says go all-in on the steak omakase at Cote. Photo: Melissa Hom

James Kent Chef-owner, Crown Shy “I worked at fancy fine-dining restaurants for over a decade. When I want to splurge, I don’t go to a four-star temple to excess. I go to Cote. It’s dark, sexy, and moody. Yes, you can go to Cote for a standard date night and order à la carte, but when you want to go big, get the steak omakase. In general, I try to steer clear of fatty protein, but I make an exception for Cote’s dry-aged umami-bomb beef. Add a 125 gram tin of Osetra caviar because if you’re splurging, you might as well gild the lily. It’s a place you can go for any occasion. I recently brought a friend for his birthday, and my family to celebrate after my wife and I ran a half marathon. It isn’t fussy, but it’s decadent.”

Diego Moya Executive chef de cuisine, Racines NY “When I get the urge to treat myself to a special meal, Momofuku Ko is usually at the top of the list. I’ve been a big fan of Sean Grey’s particularly fun progression of dishes. The experience is always luxurious without seeming stuffy, with plenty of personality and over-the-top deliciousness. It’s really singular in that top tier of fine dining in New York. I’m also a huge fan of the wine list.”

Jess Shadbolt Chef, King “Most weekends start with a discussion as to when we’ll head to Barbuto for a quick lunch, but there is no such thing as a quick lunch at Barbuto. They are long, indulgent, spirited meals that always seem to be bathed in sunshine and with a soundtrack of engaged conversation and laughter. The same order always goes in: Domaine Tempier, pasta, the chicken, the salad; but before we know it, we cannot resist the addition of whatever new dish catches our eye at a neighboring table. The generosity of this restaurant is infectious and before you know it, it’s 4 o’clock.”

Ovenly co-founder Agatha Kulaga loves everything at Sushi Yasuda. Photo: Dennis Yermoshin/The New York Times/Redux

Agatha Kulaga Co-founder, Ovenly “When I’ve got cash to spend and want to treat myself, my go-to meal in NYC is omakase because it always feels so damn special. I’m not into fancy tablecloths, complicated flavors, or 12 people serving me at once, so Sushi Yasuda is one of my all-time favorite spots. There is something special about any restaurant in this city that’s been around for over 20 years, yet continues to feel timeless, unfussy, and intimate. Sitting at the sushi counter is the way to go, and it’s a great meal to enjoy alone or with a date. The fish has that melt-in-your-mouth feeling, the rice is perfectly prepared, and by the end of my meals there, my body is vibrating with pure joy.”

Melissa Rodriguez Head chef, Del Posto “I love Le Coucou. The food is classic, delicious, fancy, and rustic all at the same time. I love their rabbit entrée, better known as tout le lapin! It’s a delicious and simple preparation showcasing the entire animal. It’s hearty, delicate, simple, and complex all at the same time”

Jessica Craig Executive pastry chef, L’Artusi “My favorite restaurant splurge is Loring Place in Greenwich Village. I’m a vegetable-forward eater and Loring Place does it right with their seasonal menus. Their service is also top-notch and spot-on. The chocolate ‘hostess cupcake’ is a favorite of mine as it brings me back to childhood. I love the flavor of the sweet chocolate cake with the sharp acidity of the tangerine sherbet. I used to eat Oreo cookies with orange juice as a kid and that dish totally reminds me of that flavor combination. It may sound weird to most, but their pastry chef gets it in a really wonderful way.”

Miro Uskokovic Head pastry chef, Gramercy Tavern “When looking to splurge, my wife and I usually turn to Thai food. Our favorite spot to go is Ayada Thai in Elmhurst, Queens — we’re huge proponents for all things Queens! We like to think of Ayada Thai as our hidden gem. The food, intimate space, and relaxed atmosphere makes it for the perfect spot to order everything on the menu without judgement — I highly recommend their chive dumplings and Pad See Ew noodle.”

Erik Ramirez Chef-owner, Llama Inn and Llamita “For me, Eleven Madison Park hits all points of being a great restaurant. This restaurant makes every person who walks through its doors feel like royalty. Whether it’s the trip back to the beautifully built and immaculately kept kitchen or the way the staff pulled out the chair for my lady every time, it feels like a place you wish you could spend every night. Being pampered and spoiled the way they know how can only be accomplished by the best. The experience as a whole almost makes you forget that bill at the end. It’s truly amazing because they don’t drop a single ball. It’s almost like you are the lead actor in a movie of your life and this place is filming the perfect first and only take.”

Blue Hill at Stone Barns is worth the trip out of town. Photo: Melissa Hom

Matt Griffin Head chef, Simon & the Whale “I have to hand it to Blue Hill at Stone Barns for next-level, epic dining. Being part of a working farm, they’re just on another level in terms of sourcing product. The last time I dined there was literally a seven-hour meal with my girlfriend where we didn’t even get to the dessert course because we had to catch the 1 a.m. train back from Tarrytown.”

Patch Troffer Head chef, Marlow & Sons “I recently had an amazing super-splurge dinner at Shoji at 69 Leonard that I can’t stop thinking about. The impeccable sourcing, simplicity, and thoughtfulness of chef Wilcox and his food are absolutely inspiring. No one dish sticks out too much — the whole experience feels incredibly balanced. I feel so fortunate to have dined there!”

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[donnerpartyofone]

@sequentialmadness tagged me to do a meme thing, and it is actually very challenging for me, so I’m gonna. I’m also going to say why it’s challenging. I think it would be fair to say that most people are primarily motivated by pleasure, and/or the approval of others, whether it’s by being highly competitive or well-liked or whatever. I have a really hard time running my life in a productive way because I’m not invested in what people think of me, and I have trouble identifying and experiencing pleasure due to a chemical imoediment. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately in relation to the idea of success. Like, successful people are evidently strong on the one hand because they have this inexhaustible drive to achieve their goals, but on the other hand they seem kind of weak to me because their “success” is so dependent on being validated by other people’s attention and money. I tend to consider people who live on accolades kind of pathetic, but if I had this need for public approval, then I would probably get off my ass a whole lot more, try more things and make more art. *Of course* there are artists in the world who make art for art’s sake, but if we know about them, it’s because they worked hard to get it into the public eye. For me, I can’t even get to the beginning stages. I think, why is a thought better in than out? Why is making something better than thinking it? How is anything improved or enriched by an audience? And then I just don’t do shit. I don’t really think that’s good, but I don’t know how to get over it, philosophically. If I were more pleasure-driven, it probably wouldn’t be so hard to make smaller goals for myself, but it’s just really hard to create and maintain any kind of ambition. Part of it is, I am rarely able to tell what the payoff will be of an achievement. If it’s just vanity, or adrenaline, then my interest dies very quickly. The other thing is that if there’s a moderate to high probability of failure, then I don’t even want to try. It’s not so much that I’m afraid of being inferior, but rather that I hate the thought of putting a lot of time and effort into something that turns out to be nothing, when I could just as easily have been building a ship in a bottle or looking out of a window. Like why set myself up for failure for failure’s sake? It’s probably obvious by now that I’m not much of a proponent of “at least you tried”, because I don’t know what is the independent value of “just trying”. So, therefore, formulating and admitting some of these answers is scary and uncomfortable for me. Luckily, in spite of all these reservations, I am pretty good at forcing myself to do things just to humble myself and see if I can endure them.

FIVE THINGS YOU’D FIND IN MY BAG

1. Too many books: Like a novel, and a comic, and a book to write in, and a book to draw in, even if I’m only gonna touch one during the day. 2. Whatever makeup items I put on in the morning, often missing one I dickheadedly lost immediately after use. 3. Candy I completely forgot someone gave me months ago. I see it and I go “oh yeah!” and forget again. 4. Jewelry I thought I would put on once I got out of the house, but by the time I get where I’m going I don’t care enough about my appearance anymore. 5. Something, I don’t even know what, that makes me think WHY THE FUCK IS MY BAG SO HEAVY, I SPECIFICALLY TRIED NOT TO TAKE TOO MUCH SHIT TODAY!

FIVE THINGS YOU’D FIND IN MY BEDROOM

Just list five items of clothing or something else personal. Our bedroom is pretty much coffin-sized.

FIVE THINGS I WANT TO DO IN LIFE

Aaaaahahaha. Here goes! 1. Tend a realass garden. Included, grow mushrooms more effectively, or at least have some sort of access to regular psychedelic experience. Indefinitely. 2. Get good enough at bass that I could at least buy a couple of pedals and make a drone EP. In reality I’d like to actually sing in a band but that’s so much harder for me to picture how it would happen. 3. Move somewhere where I have a feeling of remoteness/isolation, even if I’m not really that far from civilization. 4. Have butchass arms. Generally be a bitchin older lady. We don’t have anything genetic in common, but Kim Gordon is a model for what I mean. 5. …yeah, it would probably be nice to actually complete a narrative project I’m truly happy with, whether it’s a novel or graphic novel or screenplay.

FIVE THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

1. My fiance. It’s hard not to just call him my husband, because the only things between one title and another is money and events, but I guess it will be more fun to hold off until we’re married. 2. My gecko, and I plan on having a lot more reptiles. Sometimes he makes me sad though because I think of all the people in the world who are mistreating their pets and then I lose my mind. 3. My smart, varied friends who keep my mind alive. You know who you are. 4. The drawings I made between the beginning of college and a few years after. I don’t know how to hope that I’ll ever be that good again, but at least I did those. 5. Movies and writing about them. Writing in general, only for myself.

FIVE THINGS I’M CURRENTLY INTO

1. Movies. 2. Metal (doom, sludge, female-fronted, mainly) 3. Tryna plan tattoos 4. Getting back into drawing after a long “but why though?” hiatus. 5. The fact that at 36, I’m finally starting to look the way I wanted to look when I was 16. That’s kind of fucked up, but it’s here.

FIVE THINGS ON MY TO-DO LIST

1. Finish drawing my best friend’s back piece. 2. Finish planning my fucking wedding. 3. Find a dermatological plan that keeps one half of my face from looking like it’s permanently on fire. 4. Find a job that doesn’t make me feel like a chum bucket, or something. 5. Get back to my goddamn psychiatrist already so we can do some more blood work and see how I’m doing. So, I taaaag…some people who might not even wanna do this! @terraterribilia @juliewinters @penancehour @internethistory @ratdate @painiac

[bloggerblagger]

81) To my old, impressionable friends who are falling for Corbynonsense.

Remember Barbara Follett? Blair babe and MP. Wife of seriously wedged-up  best selling author Ken Follett. She was queen of the champagne socialists.

I mention her because champagne socialist seems an outdated term to me these days. As outdated as Blair Babes. Or Blair anything come to that. To begin with,  it’s perfectly respectable to pitch up at a party with  a lesser bubbly  these days - champagne even seems a tad vulgar, a bit footballer. And with the sharp  leftward swerve of Corby’s Labour Party, well,  ‘socialist’ hardly seems to cover it. That’s why, in a recent Facebook spat I had with some  old advertising pals who have decided that Jezza is the new messiah, I called them Prosecco Marxists.

One of them objected. Not to the Marxist bit. He told me he was strictly teetotal these days. So I tried a bit harder, and always liking a bit of alliteration I offered up Perrier Pol Pottist. Then I thought a bit more and came up with Eau Chi Minnist. All a bit seventies I agree, but that seems to fit in quite well with Jezza’s policies.

For those still on the booze, how about Cava Commie? Or if you really are a footballer you could make that Cristal Commie?

Raw nerves touched.

Anyway, my central and not terribly well received  point was that there was something faintly ridiculous about people who had spent their lives in the engine room of capitalism, and living very comfortably as a result, deciding that the Islington Hugo Chavez was the answer to their prayers. When I suggested that whatever the problem, Jezza was most emphatically not the answer, and that,  should he ever actually manage to fly the Red Flag outside no.10, they would  be the first ones dispatched to the gulag, I received back some impassioned replies.

One said, “….you would rather vote for a morally & fiscally bankrupt bunch of murderous bastards?  Seriously? Purely on the basis of ‘what might be’? Crikey. I’m sorry but I’m genuinely surprised by that. It’s an interesting inversion of the ‘it was all better in the old days’ thinking that led to your generation voting overwhelmingly to Leave. Now the same generation is voting AGAINST a return to the past. Jesus. Make your minds up!! (I appreciate you’re a remainer but you are unusual in your generation) And try looking forward at the world you’d like to create rather than running from one you fear will be recreated.

Come on Richard, where’s that youthful idealism? Where’s the belief we can make the world a better place? A fairer, more just, more equal one? To want that isn’t to want a return to the 70s, it’s just to want a world in which human beings are more important than lining your own pockets. A world with some principles, some humanity, some hope. A world in which the prevailing orthodoxy isn’t that the free market is the answer to all ills.”

Selfish? Moi?

As this particular correspondent admitted to being 54 himself, I thought the ‘my generation’ bit was a bit rich. And as for the whereabouts of ‘my youthful idealism’, well, pretty obviously you’ll find that in the locked and barred cupboard of my youth along with the Beatle jacket and the “Make Love Not War’ badge and the flower that I never wore in my hair even when I had some.

Actually, I wouldn’t rather vote for a morally and fiscally bankrupt bunch of murderous bastards. Although I probably would work on their advertising business if I got the chance. I’d draw the line at Golden Dawn and ISIS but I’d sell my soul for pretty much anything in between as I am pretty sure most advertising people would; very possibly including my friend who wants the world where human beings are more important than lining your own pockets. ( I really objected to that; when I worked in advertising, it wasn’t just about the money. It was also the company pension, the six week hols, the trips to Cannes, the business class plane tickets….)

It is not that I am pro Tory, at least not pro this lot. The fact that the only one of the present bunch that I have any time for is Spreadsheet Phil  clearly underlines my total disillusionment with the Conservatives. It is just that I genuinely believe that Jezza and Johnny Mac and Big Di  represent an existential  danger. To the country. To  the public services. To the poor and needy. And, lastly, to me.

Actually, this is one of those cases where the last shall be first. Because what I really mean to say is, not, lastly, to me, but firstly to me.

My heartlessness explained.

If I have one central guiding precept by which I make sense of the world, it is this: self interest rules. At the epicentre of my world is me, as it must  be because it is through my eyes that I see it, and through my mind that I make sense of it, and when I cease to exist, for me the world will do likewise.

Similarly the epicentre of your world is you, and the epicentre of anybody else’s world is their's and their's alone. I concede that if there were a God we would all be equal but only in that God’s eyes. It is an immutable law of life;  me and mine first, you and yours second, them and their's last. (Me and mine rather than just me, because I see our children are an extension of ourselves, our immortality.)

It is this order of value of  which explains why, when tens of thousands  of people die in Syria it rates less British column inches than when 129 people die in an attack on a nightclub in Paris, and why that in turn gets less coverage in this country  than when one soldier is beheaded in Greenwich. It is that which is closest to us which always gets our attention first.

It’s all me, me, me. Even for you.

However I also realise that for every other person it is their self interest that rules and for us all to coexist  we each have to allow for that.

As you may know, I am not the first to have happened upon this revelation. Moses may have got there first. The Ten Commandments, it seems to me, are  not so much a matter of morality as a matter of  self preservation.

Thou does not kill because thou would much prefer not to  be killed. Thou honours  thy mother and father in the hope that thine own little dears won’t ship thou off to the nearest nursing home.  

This, I would say, is enlightened self interest. It mean giving careful thought to what my medium and long term interest might be,and in doing that,  sometimes sacrificing my short term  interest as a result. I might have an almost irresistible urge to jump over the garden fence and nick next door’s ox,  but, unless I want to start the next war of the oxen, I had better keep a lid on it. Peace between neighbours is more in my medium and long term self interest  than the brief pleasure of slurping down a  nice bowl of oxtail soup.

A tiny cog in the great machine of commerce.

Thinking in terms of self-interest, even enlightened self interest, might not give one the lofty views  of others that one gets from  believing one is occupying the moral high ground.  But it just makes more sense to me.  Amongst other benefits, it  allows me to have worked and profited from a career in advertising, without the queasy feeling - most of the time - that I was doing something fundamentally wrong. (Which is how I am sure  Jezza would see it.)

Being in advertising often involves attempting to persuade people to part with money they often have to borrow, to pay for things they often don’t need, and  which they wouldn’t otherwise want. If ‘belief that we can make the world a better place’ is what is driving you it is hard to see how that squares with a life spent  working in advertising. (Although, if that were your point of view, you  could, if pushed, just about, make an  argument that advertising increases demand and  that is to the general economic good.  But somehow I think I would find that more of a comfort than you would.)

So what would Jezza do for me?

I would hazard a guess  that as soon as he was elected the pound would fall through the floor, the credit agencies would slash our credit rating, the interest on government’s borrowings would rise inexorably, inflation would soar, and interest rates would have to follow.

The property market - already falling in London - would fall further and faster, leaving some owners (grown used to the low interest rates of the last years)  in negative equity  and no longer able to afford their increased mortgage payments that would follow interest rate rises. Overseas investors would be withdrawing their money before you could say  Viva La Revolucion.

Unfazed by any of the aforementioned, Jezza and his dedicated disciples would whack up income taxes and inheritance tax and corporate taxes and lots of companies would up sticks and bugger off to Ireland or somewhere. If corporation tax rose by the 40% (from 19% to 26%) promised in the Labour manifesto, what would be the consequences of the resultant hole in profits? Either, less money for investment in plant or people or R and D, and less for dividends on shares - which means pension funds suffer - or cost cutting, meaning possible loss of jobs, or a combination of all of the above.

So far, so bad

And then we come to the wealth tax that John McDonnell has always been a proponent of but which was conveniently downplayed during the election. Any sort of wealth tax - and John McDonnell has previously proposed one  on the wealthiest 10% - would obviously be heavily biased towards London and the South East. They mentioned a Land Tax  in the manifesto but we have no idea of the details.

So, what I see is a doctrinaire Marxist-ish Labour government steadfastly hanging on to its outmoded ideas while the economy tips into serious decline, with the payment of lots of extra taxes being requested of me while the value of my house, pension and other assets falls precipitously.

No, Jezza wouldn’t be  too good for my short term self interest. And neither would he be good  for my medium and long term self interest - my enlightened self interest - as I don’t see how his policies  would ultimately benefit anyone else either. In the words of the unfashionable Tony Blair earlier this week, they would leave the country ‘flat on its back’, 

And it gets worse.

Then there is Jezza’s position on the EU, which is the polar opposite of mine as I am a staunch, unrepentant Remoaner. Whatever he claims to think, however much he tries to face both ways, it is absolutely obvious from his lukewarm campaigning during the referendum - so inferior to his full-blooded performance during the election - that he is a Brexiteer. His parliamentary voting record on every matter from 1975 onwards has been steadfastly anti-EU. Many of his and McDonnell’s cherished plans for state intervention in the economy, would, it is believed, run foul of EU competition laws.

And I have another fundamental problem with him: his supposed integrity and authenticity. Far from believing in it, I think he is, in a sense, the most duplicitous of politicians. I think he could teach even Boris a thing or two. For whereas we know brazen Boris is completely two faced, he at least makes no real effort to disguise the fact, whereas Jezza unashamedly trades on his entirely fictitious image of being a straight-talking anti-politician.

His refuses to be honest about his positions on the EU,  on nuclear weapons, and  on the monarchy, none of which he believes in. As it happens I agree with him on the Royals and I am half in sympathy on the Trident issue, but he thinks these views might be electorally damaging so he prevaricates and obfuscates like any other politician does.

Last - for the moment - but not least for the enlightened self-interest of a Jew like me, there is his half-arsed, unconvincing, lack of action on  anti-Semitism in  the Labour party  despite his proclaimed determination to root it out. (You might have misgivings about the Sun as a source of reference but this time they were bang on : https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/1558035/jeremy-corbyn-faces-backlash-for-nominating-shami-chakrabarti-for-peerage-after-she-led-partys-anti-semitism-investigation/ )

Oh Jeremy Cor-byn (as his adoring fans like to sing) -  whatever happened to all that  refreshing honesty?

And yet…

What I do accept is that the NHS and social services need a drastic rethink and will need more money. Likewise schools, and very probably the police and fire and prison services too. I don’t see how councils can fix the roads and sweep the streets and empty the bins and do all the other things they have to do if government subsidies are constantly being cut. And I can’t help feeling university tuition fees of nine grand a year are  way too high, and that charging interest of 6.1% on  the loans for them  is outrageous.

Just as worrying,  the constant whittling away of legal aid is profoundly wrong. It makes our legal system fundamentally unjust.

Perhaps most important of all, we need a radical and imaginative building programme that gives young people a chance to buy a home of their own. If bits of the green belt have to go, if the toes of the constituents of Tory MPs have to be trodden on, then so be it.

Buying a house is the route by which - certainly since the war - have-nots in this country have become haves. That’s how I, once a have-not, became a have and if ‘me and mine’ and the rest of the haves are not to become an ever shrinking minority, and thus politically marginalised and vulnerable, then we need a constant stream of new blood.

(Young people who yearn to own a home of their own please note: Helping people to buy houses  will never be a priority for Jezza and Co. They do not stand for an aspiring, burgeoning, upwardly mobile middle class.  

If  not publicly opposed to the ownership of property, which, ideologically,  at bottom,  they surely are, then you can be certain that their housing policy is, and will continue to be,  focussed on increasing social housing and not on private ownership.)

Money, money, money - my money.

How is all of that to be paid for? One way or another by higher taxation I reluctantly suppose. (And by a reduction to my perks - the pension triple lock and my winter fuel allowance will have to go of course, although Jezza wouldn’t agree because, for the far left, the holy cow of universal benefits must never be slain, no matter how much sense it makes. )  

As I believe it to be in my medium and long term self interest - my enlightened self interest - I am prepared to settle the bigger claims that will be made of me.

I don’t say I am enthusiastic about paying more tax - never yet met the person who pays more tax than she or he has to - but I regard tax as a sort of protection money. It is what I have to pay to keep the ravening hordes from my door and demanding everything.

It’s become clear to me that the heavies are now putting the squeeze on me so I’d better slip them a bit more or face the unpleasant consequences. Some call this the price we pay for a civilised society. Put it whichever way you like, it adds up to the same thing.

Thou can be holier than me.

What I refuse to do is pretend that what impels me is anything other than what is good for me and mine. I do object to those who insist on claiming the moral high ground, but more than that, I laugh at them. I don’t doubt their sincerity but I think they are as self-interested as I am. It’s just that they insist on looking through the wrong end of the telescope.

Personal reward is everything. Sometimes materially. Sometimes, for want of a better word, spiritually. (Or as I, who make no claim to any kind of spirituality, prefer to think of it, sometimes it is the reward of making yourself - your self - feel better.) You don’t give money to a beggar because it makes you feel worse, or tend a sick friend, or rescue a mangy dog. Virtue is it’s own reward, as the saying goes. Even the idea of empathy is rooted in self-interest. It means to put oneself - one’s self - in another’s place.

For me, this is the only way to square the circle: of being competitive, of wanting to do well - in an egg and spoon  race or in  a career - which inevitably means judging yourself by the yardstick of others’ relative lack of success, and yet squaring that with  the innate sense of fairness and justice which we all feel almost as soon as we can speak - “it’s not fair, Mummy!” Both positions, it seems to me, are undeniably essential to the human condition.

So to the Mōet Tendancy, I say this. Call me a selfish bastard if you want. I cheerfully plead guilty. And so are you.