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psychovigilantewrites · 4 years

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Chapter 14 - A Different Point of View

Summary: Things that happened that you weren't aware of.

Word count: 9,163 words

A/N: Thank you for being so patient with me. I struggled with this chapter due to its nature. I had to further dive into Bruce and Dick's character that I wasn't too familiar with.2020 was a very tough year for me. I lost lots, learned lots. And I thought that the quarantine would mean I would write more. But I was wrong. Life hit me hard, and I stopped doing a lot of things I used to enjoy.Despite being virtually absent last year, you guys stuck by me anyway. Thank you. I love you all for that.Special thanks to my two beta readers. You know who you are. Here it goes.

(i recommend you guys read previous chapters to refresh coz I had to lol)

Ao3

Masterlist

The roles that people played were false- a mere necessity for their career or survival. Everyone was playing a role, whether it was of their own accord or not.

Bruce Wayne was a role- superficial, fake, yet vital to Gotham. Batman, on the other hand, was a completely different role, born out of exigence and a sense of justice.

Dick Grayson, however, genuinely enjoyed playing his role.

Nightwing felt right to him. Being a police officer felt right to him. And especially, if not ultimately, being an older brother.

He listened to the dial tone of his phone, which rung for a few seconds before you finally picked up.

“Hey,” Dick heard your voice, the usual chirp absent that day.

Dick frowned to himself. Bruce was right about you being troubled after all.

“Hey, sis!” he forced the concern out of his voice. “You busy?”

“Nah, I’m just going over some old case files. What’s up?”

Dick leaned back into his sofa. Aside from the traffic blaring outside, the silence in his apartment made it easier for him to concentrate on analysing your speech patterns.

“Can’t I call just to ask how you’re doing?” he teased, easing into the conversation.

Everyone had always told him how he was natural at talking.

“You already called last week…”

Dick smiled to himself. He could already picture your narrowed eyes regarding him with suspicion.

It was good that you were always on your feet, but it was becoming borderline unhealthy. It reminded him of Jason and how he was always so guarded .

He pushed the memory away.

“I can’t call you again?” he rolled his eyes at no one.

“Bruce put you up to this,” you accused.

That’s because he’s worried about you, kid.

If only you knew how much Bruce had changed for you. Dick was glad that you were being loved by Bruce, yet he still couldn't help but feel slightly bitter that he never got that kind of treatment from his father- not the same treatment he gave you.

But he would rather die than admit his selfish thoughts to anyone.

“Yeah,” he conceded, “He was worried about you after last night.”

“I’m fine, Dick,” you insisted.

How many times has he heard those very same words from Jason?

“Well, if you’re not, then you can talk to me,” he offered.

A short pause.

Your response would be what differentiated you from his late brother.

“Actually, yeah,” you admitted.

There it was. No matter how stupid he knew it was for even comparing the two of you, he found that he always had to remind himself not to.

“How did you deal with it? Did it affect you?”

Dick told you his own experience with gore and dead bodies, how he overcame it, how he coped. There was silence after, and he just somehow knew what you were going to ask next.

“How did, uh, he deal with it?”

Your voice came in a whisper, hesitation evidently clear.

Dick was expecting it, but his heart still sank. He knew how everyone acted when Jason was brought up in conversation- he was guilty of reacting as well. He also knew how you were smart enough to avoid that topic.

It had been years. They should all have moved on, because Dick knew that they were also hurting you.

“He came to me as well.” Dick recalled Jason’s hesitant voice over the phone, never directly saying what was wrong, just rambling about things other than what was really going on in his head.

“Then he gradually called less and less when he learned how to deal with it himself.”

The day Dick noticed it, he was happy for Jason, but a small part of him was saddened that his little brother no longer needed him.

“I’ll have to look for that cognitive therapy, then. Thank you for calling, Dick. Talking to you helped.”

Did it really? He noticed your voice had changed again. Maybe he shouldn’t have gone on about Jason like that.

“No problem, kid. Call me if you need to talk, okay?”

The familiar beep left him isolated with his thoughts, wondering if you would trail in Jason's footsteps.

When will the day come when you eventually stop calling altogether?

***

He felt indebted to his city- the city he loved. The city he hated. The city that robbed him of his childhood.

He felt indebted to his family- the family he would give up everything for, the family he couldn’t stop hurting.

And he was sorry. God, he was sorry.

Sorry for everything he’s said and done- or didn’t do. But he still couldn’t stop. Because he didn’t know how.

Yet, no matter how much he claimed to love his family, the problem with Bruce Wayne was that he always expected them to be the people he wanted them to be.

Never like himself, though. No, he would never want them to turn out like him.

“That’s an order. Stay-”

The silence that followed the click in his ear represented the first time you had ever disobeyed a direct order.

It was a little late on your side. Dick and Jason had begun to disobey him within their first six months in uniform. But you had always been obedient- which made it easier for Bruce to trust you in the field.

This first time came as an unexpected and unwelcome surprise. And Bruce was…

Disappointed.

He grit his teeth when he saw you on the ground with the warehouse burning behind you. If he had just been a few seconds late, would you be in the fire, too?

“I almost had him.”

Bruce didn’t miss the wince of pain as you got up to your feet.

He had heard those exact words before countless times from J- no.

Bruce shoved that thought away.

“He would have gotten away, and we wouldn’t have known who it was that did this,” you argued, brows drawn together in a frown, mouth downturned. Your respiratory rate was high, and you were having trouble breathing.

When did you grow so tall? So confident?

Bruce silently pointed to the active security camera he noticed the minute he arrived and saw your expression fall- only for a second.

“I still think I made the right decision,” you insisted.

“You disobeyed a direct order.” He hated his own voice. The way he spoke sounded too militant.

“I acted how I saw fit,” you continued, “You always say to follow my instincts-”

“Not if your instincts contradict my orders.” He regretted his words the moment they left his mouth. He thought he had changed. But no, Bruce was still a dictator.

“Wow. Just- wow.”

He could see the little twitches of annoyance within the disbelief on your face. He understood it completely.

You were walking away, clutching onto your side and weakly limping to your bike, adamant on not seeking his help.

He hated seeing you injured, in pain. It was his fault. If only he was faster, he could have stopped Red Hood from beating you up. If only he predicted it sooner, if only-

“I’ll be heading back now.”

He missed what you had said before that.

“Robin,” Bruce forced out, “Have Alfred check your injuries.”

He should have been there.

When you drove away, he lingered at the crime scene.

Bruce flipped a switch in his helmet, and his lense changed. Non-organic material lighted up bright white. He noticed a fractured piece of shrapnel lying on the ground, less than a centimeter long.

He picked it up and placed it into a test tube from his belt. Switching his view to normal, he saw that it was red, maybe made from fiberglass. He could only deduce that it was a piece of Red Hood’s helmet.

Despite Bruce’s frustrations at you for disobeying him, he felt a swell of pride. You probably landed a hit hard enough to crack the helmet just a little bit that you yourself probably didn’t even realise it.

He shone a UV light on it. A small portion of it glowed.

Bruce had always been numb when he played investigator so that he would remain impartial and objective. That was true justice.

But when he pocketed the evidence and sped to the Batmobile, he felt something he had never felt before.

Against all logic and rationality, he found himself dreading to uncover who the blood belonged to.

***

Bruce never drank his sorrows away. It was dangerous, too easy to develop an addiction to. He could have easily drowned in alcohol at any given chance, like when he thought of his parents, or when he thought-no, knew- he wasn’t enough.

But no, he only restricted his drinking for leisurely activities. He was disciplined. It was the reason why he was who he was.

However, in that moment, staring at the results of the DNA analysis after hours of anxious waiting, he wished he allowed himself a drink.

Not because he was distraught, not because he was in grief- but because he just didn’t know what to feel.

It wasn’t numbness. It was just plain confusion, an internal tornado of emotions whirling inside him all at once.

Footsteps.

He tapped on a button once, immediately closing the window of the test results displayed on the screen.

Composing himself, he clicked on another pending case to pretend he wasn’t on the verge of a breakdown. It’s just another role.

“Master Bruce.”

Why was he still up at this hour?

“Yes, Alfred,” he turned to meet the butler’s tired eyes- just as tired as his own.

Tired because of him.

Alfred was always up because of him. Because Bruce was a disease, constantly burdening others, dragging them down, keeping them up at night.

“I made some sandwiches. They’re light. Please do eat them,” he set the tray on the cluttered desk, simply pushing aside the numerous stacks of papers.

“Go to bed, Alfred,” he told him. Alfred was too old to be up at this hour. And whose fault is that?

“In due time,” he responded calmly, “What of the blood results, if I may ask?”

“Inconclusive,” Bruce lied.

“I see.”

Suspicion shrouded Alfred’s voice.

“How are her injuries?” Bruce asked, the pain finally creeping in, seeping into his bones.

“I commend you for asking about your daughter’s injuries after only four whole hours of staring at the screen, Master Bruce. You would definitely win father of the year.”

“I was occupied,” he sighed, “Please.”

“Her injuries are only superficial,” Alfred said, “Surface contusions at most.”

He still hurt her.

“Thank you, Alfred. Now go to bed.”

“It was only a little more than two decades ago when I was telling you the same,” he grumbled away.

Bruce made sure Alfred was gone before pulling up the results on the screen again, the glaring ‘MATCH’ sign staring angrily back at him as if it were shouting at Bruce, yelling in rage.

And Bruce understood completely. He had failed Jason Todd. He had betrayed him. And now he was back, vengeful, and full of resentment.

But that didn’t matter to Bruce.

Because despite it all, his son was alive.

In the end, that was all that mattered.

***

What did my son do to my daughter?

Bruce watched in horror as you lay unconscious on the hospital bed, hooked to the IV bag. He couldn’t stop staring at the bruises littering your neck.

Bruises that were far too small and evenly shaped to be the effect of a mere throttling.

He knew how the people close to him viewed him. He knew they thought he was strong, unforgiving, cold, emotionless. Especially when they put him side by side with Clark.

But he forced himself to be those things, because if he didn’t, he would have broken down years ago.

He was used to it. The pain. The darkness.

But this time, he felt like he was being crushed.

He felt like he was hanging on by a thread- no. A delicate strand of thin, brittle hair.

“It’s okay, doctor,” you had said, “I know what you’re going to ask me. No, my genitalia does not hurt. He didn’t do anything to me.”

He felt a wave of relief crash over him.

Jason wasn’t that far gone, then.

But as Bruce looked at your neck again, he still couldn’t help but feel nausea crawling into his core.

He still touched her.

Jim left after his questioning, and you drifted to sleep. He went over to you and looked down at your face, taking everything in.

Since when did you look so mature? When did you get so beautiful?

He couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. Even in sleep you had your eyebrows tugged down, as if you were angry that you had to go to bed. He didn’t know why he never saw that small part of you that shouted rebellion despite you almost always following his orders.

He realised that when he watched you sleep, you looked a bit like- no. Don’t ever compare the two.

He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to your forehead, trying to convey all of his feelings to you.

He was sorry. So god damned sorry for dragging you into this, for hurting you, for pulling you down to the depths with him.

Hoping you didn’t feel the teardrop that fell to your forehead, he quickly wiped it away before leaving for his press statement.

***

“Master Bruce, please!”

Another crash.

Alfred’s plea snapped him out of his blinding fury, his crushing pain.

He was standing at the hallway near the Manor entrance, glass and broken wood shattered at his feet, feeling the walls closing in and narrowing as Alfred looked at him in alarm.

“I-I’m sorry, Alfred. I-” he stammered, feeling like the small, helpless boy who watched his parents die before him.

He remembered the time when he was little, only a couple of months after the tragedy. He had done the exact same thing, taking out his anger and anguish by destroying things, triggered by something he had long forgotten about.

At that time, Alfred had held him closely in his arms as he stained the butler’s suit with his snot and tears. Again, a burden to the man who raised him.

This time, he refused the old man’s offer of comfort, walking past to descend to the cold darkness of the cave he was so familiar with.

Bruce didn’t usually drink his sorrows away, but this time, he did.

***

Dick wasn’t a good person. He was far from it.

Case in example, it was the first time he saw you after your kidnapping.

He meant to come sooner, he really did. But he was just so busy in Bludhaven, he couldn’t spare any time to rush over the moment he heard his sister was hurt. He tried to justify it in his head by thinking that you were probably handling it fine.

But he was just trying to make himself feel better.

What a great brother he was.

“So, why are you obsessing over violent crimes?” he asked, trying to keep his voice from breaking.

Desensitization was one thing when you worked in that field, but obsession was a whole other problem. And he didn’t want to see his sister walk down that path.

“A lunatic just kidnapped me a couple weeks ago, Dick, maybe this is my coping mechanism,” you huffed, giving him your signature eye roll.

A lot of things start with just a coping mechanism, kid.

Dick knew it about it all too well. The people he brought in on an almost daily basis, high as kites. The accident last week on the highway at three in the morning, two innocent lives taken because of a drunk man who had started drinking three years ago to cope with his mother’s loss.

The man downstairs in the cold cave, who was just a little boy when his parents died, now living with the trauma while going out night after night to beat up criminals, sleeping only three hours a day at most.

“I don’t want your pity, Dick,” you huffed, “I’m fine.”

Yeah, you were. And that was what worried Dick the most.

“I know you are,” he tried to smile, “Which is why I don’t think this is your coping mechanism.”

You talked to Dick about Red Hood, sharing your concerns about him. This is what made you, you. Opening up to him, offering your thoughts and feelings. It was something he never had with Bruce or Jason. The both of them were similar in that sense.

“He won’t tell me either,” Dick huffed, “It’s always been like that with him. No matter how hard I try to get closer to him, sometimes it feels like he’s getting further away.”

It was the same with Jason as well. Did everyone he cared about just end up running away from him?

“I can relate to that,” you sighed.

“But I have a feeling that he will tell you eventually,” Dick tried to comfort you, “It seems too important not to.”

Dick knew better. Bruce had always excluded information from him, whether it was important or not.

“And,” Dick hurriedly tried to change the subject, “I heard from Alfred that you’re not talking to Bruce. May I ask why?”

“So that’s why you’re here,” you eyed him suspiciously. . “I came to check up on you,” he stated, “I’m sorry I couldn’t come here right after, but my little sister did just get kidnapped.”

When are you going to stop putting your guard up around me, kid?

“I told you, I’m fine,” you insisted.

“Then you’re fine enough to tell me why you haven’t been talking to Bruce,” Dick pushed, “I won’t judge. I’ve had my fair share of cold shoulders and fights with him too. I know first hand how frustrating he can be. So come on, tell.”

He saw you hesitate for just a moment, before conceding.

“We fought,” you began, “It was when I got back from the hospital. He wouldn’t tell me who Red Hood was. And he- he called me ‘Jason’.”

Ah, fucking hell, Bruce.

“Jesus,” he whispered, “What did he say exactly?”

“‘Back down, Jason’,” your voice cracked.

Dick saw the way Bruce spiraled after Jason’s death, and he would never tell you this, but deep down he was against Bruce adopting you so soon after. He thought that Bruce was using you to fill up the hole he too felt with Jason’s absence.

You were so like him, yet so different. Still, Bruce must have been really distracted if he could slip as badly as he did.

Dick would ask later.

“Now that’s something I haven’t heard in years,” Dick chuckled humorlessly.

Jason arguing with Bruce about using excessive force. Jason sneaking out to go for patrols whenever he was grounded. Hell, even Jason stealing whiskey from the cabinet at the age of fifteen.

He could still remember it so clearly. Jason with his dark hair poking into his eyes that were full of fury, cheeks puffed up and red as he pouted angrily at Bruce for making him stay at the Manor on nights Bruce insisted on going alone.

Dick tried to shove the past away. He knew he was making you even sadder.

“Has Bruce made any attempts to reconcile?” Dick remembered the conversation he was having with you.

“Yeah, but I’m still mad at him,” you pouted.

“And you have every right to be,” Dick nodded, “But Bruce, well, you know Bruce. He keeps these things to himself, but obviously he’s still hurting.”

You have know idea how much he’s hurting, Little Wing.

You avoided Dick’s eyes, looking down at your fumbling thumbs as the room became silent.

“I’m seeing someone,” you changed the subject.

“You are?”

Interesting.

“Yeah,” you blushed, “It’s still very new, and we’re not official yet or anything. But we’re definitely testing the waters.”

“That’s great,” Dick grinned, “Who is he? Tell me the deets. Spill the tea.”

He sort of loved gossip. It wasn’t a secret.

“I met him in the library a while back,” you excitedly said, “We exchanged numbers. Started texting, meeting up from time to time. He’s really cute.”

Ah, young love. What Dick would give to be at that age again.

“I bet he is,” Dick teased.

“What’s with that face?” you laughed, “He is! He’s slightly older, and he’s got this sexy bad boy look, you know?”

“I thought you liked the nerdy types?” Dick responded. He saw a picture of you and your classmates on your Instagram. Typical prep school kids.

“I never had a type, you ass!” . “You’re right. I thought you were completely uninterested in boys,” he wondered out loud, “Is he nice, at least?”

“Yeah he is,” you smiled to yourself, “He didn’t know I was Wayne until 2 weeks ago. Before that, we were mainly texting. Now we’re meeting up more. I feel like I can be myself with him. I don’t know, there’s just something about him that makes me trust him.”

So you still have some of your walls up with me, but you trust a stranger? Who is this guy?

“I’m not going to tell him anything!” you quickly added, “I’m not stupid. I know I shouldn’t trust someone I just met. It’s not about the confidential stuff. It’s the little things like how I feel, and my problems, and just- stuff, you know?”

The thought didn’t even cross his mind. Dick trusted you enough with their secret, just as how Bruce did.

“I get it,” Dick tried to rationalise, “You don’t know what it is about the person, but you feel like the two of you just click, am I right?”

It had been like that with Barbara. It had been like that with Kory.

Now Dick was alone, and deep down he knew that they saw him as how he truly was. Selfish.

“Exactly,” you smiled, “Been with anyone like that before?”

“One or two,” he brushed it off, “People like that- whom you just click with- they’re hard to come by. You should see where this leads. Who knows, maybe he’s one of those that would stick around, huh?”

What he would give to have at least one person who would stick with him.

After he met with Gordon, Dick went to the cave to see Bruce who was, of course, facing the computers.

“I know what you’re going to say,” his father’s voice echoed without even turning to look at him.

“Then you know how much you’ve hurt her?” he crossed his arms.

Bruce did turn around to face him, and Dick suddenly felt a tightness in his chest.

He knew that Bruce hardly ever slept, but this was different. He looked disheveled, his complexion pale, his eyes more bloodshot and the dark circles even more prominent.

Alfred did say how badly Bruce took the kidnapping, finding him passed out on the cave floor with an empty bottle of scotch in his hand, but he thought that Bruce would have gotten himself together by now. It was surprising to see him that way, and Dick felt… Uncomfortable.

Something was wrong, and it wasn’t just the kidnapping, nor his fight with you.

“You found out something,” Dick narrowed his eyes, “Something important. What is it?”

He caught a flash of guilt in Bruce’s eyes. “I’ll tell you some other time.”

“Bruce,” Dick groaned, “This is why you keep on hurting her.”

Hurting us.

“I’m protecting everyone.”

“You can’t use that excuse with me anymore,” he sighed, “I don’t need your protection. So tell me.”

“No.”

That was his final word, and he knew that Bruce would never budge.

“Fine,” he let out a breath, “Did you know that she’s seeing someone?”

Bruce frowned.

Which made Dick frown. Since when did Bruce miss things? What the fuck was going on with him?

“Name?”

“Dunno. Didn’t ask. And no, don’t you dare,” Dick pointed an accusatory finger at him, “Do not do a background check on him. She deserves privacy. Hell, don’t even bring it up. You have no right to go poking into her relationships.”

Dick was being defensive, but that was because he was trying to convince himself as well, which was why he didn’t ask you for a name. He knew he wouldn’t be able to resist.

“I wasn’t going to,” Bruce reassured, “She… She deserves a life. A normal life. Not this- not-”

Dick knew then he had to leave, because Bruce’s voice breaking meant he was far from okay, and he knew that Bruce hated to show his vulnerability to anyone.

“Bruce,” Dick said, this time softly, “You’re not alone, you know. I’ve been with you since the beginning, and I’m still with you now.”

And with that, Bruce turned his back towards him again, silently going back to his goddamned computers.

“He’s been that way ever since the kidnapping,” Alfred informed him when he walked up to the manor.

“I don’t think it’s just the kidnapping, Alf,” he frowned at the butler, “There’s something more to it. Did he figure out who Red Hood is?”

“Perhaps,” Alfred pursed his lips, “But he refuses to tell me.”

“That means we know him personally,” Dick theorised, “Who the hell could it be that he’s so adamant on keeping it a secret?”

“I do not know Master Dick, but it can’t be anyone good if he’s got Master Bruce drinking during the day.”

***

Bruce knew that he was wrong to call you by his dead son’s name.

But his dead son was supposed to stay dead instead of haunting him with that glaring red bat across his chest, and having that thought in his head all the time, he slipped up.

He prided himself with his contingency plans and detective skills and preparations, but no amount of time could ever prepare him for when he found out his dead son had sexually assaulted his daughter.

You seemed to have dealt with it surprisingly well, exceeding his expectations. In fact, Bruce thought it was a bit odd that you weren’t as affected by it.

And then he saw it.

He saw what he thought was the internalized anger you felt finally bursting through the seams of your tightly lidded emotions.

And he wasn’t prepared for it.

Bruce didn’t think you had it in you, or else he would never have made you Robin.

But there you were on the ground, beating a man beyond recognition.

He couldn’t dread this moment because he never saw it coming. Not from you. Never from you.

He hurriedly ripped you off the man, flinging you away with force.

Pulse was present, but weak. Flail chest. It took him only a few seconds to observe the damage you did to the man’s face. It didn’t look good.

“Stay back,” he growled at you when you came close.

He couldn’t look at you. He didn’t want to.

“I-I didn’t mean to,” he heard you whisper.

“Call an ambulance,” he ordered.

There was no other choice. He had to take the fall for you.

“NOW!” he snarled at you again. In the background, you were on the phone, but Bruce’s thoughts were elsewhere, calculating what needs to be done.

You moved-

“Leave. I’ll deal with this.” You needed to go. You couldn’t be here when the ambulance and police arrived.

“Batman-”

“I said leave,” he snapped. He couldn’t even hear your voice.

He waited for the ambulance to come before leaving, making sure they saw him escape. Making sure he would be the one the media would attack.

And while he drove back to the Cave, he decided to give his son a call.

“Bruce?”

“Dick,” he sighed. He knew he had always been unfair to his eldest, giving him so much pressure to perform, pushing him to be his best- and ultimately away. He knew that he never showed it, but he was proud of Dick. He always had been from the very beginning.

“What’s wrong?”

It wasn’t a surprise that Dick picked up immediately that something was wrong. If it wasn’t for the fact that calling him out of the blue was what gave it away, Bruce himself trained Dick.

“She- she crossed the line tonight,” he tried to explain, “Jerome Miller. She attacked him. The damage she’s done to him is irreversible. I suspect he will be in a vegetative state for the rest of his life.”

“Jesus,” Dick breathed from over the line, “Why didn’t you stop her?”

“I wasn’t there,” he grit. He thought he could trust you.

But deep down Bruce knew that it was all his fault after all. Who was he to act so righteous when he was the reason your parents died?

“I don’t know if she’ll talk to me, Bruce,” Dick sighed, “Not about something like this. She’s probably beating herself up over this already.”

“As she should.”

“Bruce.”

“Please,” Bruce asked, “I’m worried. She isn’t herself and I can’t blame her for it, but the chances of her talking to you are much higher than if I were to try.”

“I’ll try,” Dick agreed.

“Report to me after.”

“Bruce, we’ve talked about this,” Dick grumbled, “I am under no obligation to report to you. I’m doing this for her. Not you.”

He was trying not to go back to the man he was before, but sometimes he couldn’t help it.

They’re your children, not your soldiers.

He had to remind himself time and time again. It was easier to be just a father to you as compared to Dick and Jason, yet even then he made slips.

“I know,” he apologised. “Thank you.”

Click.

And then Bruce was alone again.

***

Bruce watched you from the corner of his eye when you came back. He noticed that you had put more effort into dressing up when you left the house that day.

There was a slight bounce to your step and a small smile that played on your lips.

Dick was right after all. There was someone you were seeing.

But no, he couldn’t look into it. In fact, it would be hypocritical of him if he did. Dick had many girlfriends and flings, and Bruce didn’t want to know about any of them. Mainly because Dick was his first, and the thought of a boy he raised maturing and having relationships made him feel confused about parenthood.

Not that many of them lasted too long anyway.

Jason was a little different. While Dick had girls lining up after him all the time, Jason was much more subtle about the girls he liked, and that made Bruce more curious- but not enough to investigate.

He thought about when Barbara had caught Jason looking at her, making him turn red. He wondered if Jason would like you.

A tight squeeze in his chest.

He didn’t let his mind linger there.

Bruce felt obligated to protect you, which tempted him to investigate the boy you were seeing. It could be a trap, it could be someone using you for fame and money, or something even more sinister. Hell, it could be Jason himself after that stunt he pulled off.

But there was no evidence, and Bruce wanted to be a father to you this time instead of Batman the mentor. So Bruce would have to trust you on this one.

***

There was something holding Bruce back from telling everyone the truth about Jason.

And because he is who he is, Bruce knew what it was.

Guilt. He blamed himself for what had happened, and telling others about it meant owning up to his mistakes. Bruce never ran away from his fears and feelings despite what others might think. On the contrary, he held to them very strongly, using them as a motivation to fight head on.

This time, though, he felt more self destructive- the worst he had ever felt since he carried Jason’s corpse from the rubble- and so he tried to delay the inevitable.

But time was running out. He had enough time to wallow in self pity. It was time to pull himself together, and the first step began with Alfred.

The Cave was colder than usual that night, air thin and darker despite the illumination he had provided. Bruce was slumped in his usual wheeled chair, cowl resting on the desk after patrol, the weight of his suit almost crushing him in his weakened mental state.

“Alfred,” Bruce sighed, “Please, take a seat. I have something to tell you.”

“I assume this is about the identity of one criminal who has been terrorizing your daughter?” Alfred retorted, sitting down anyway.

“Yes,” Bruce nodded, “This… This won’t be easy, Alfred. I suggest you prepare for the worst.”

“And the worst being..?”

Bruce wheeled himself closer to the butler, leaning forward. “It’s Jason.”

Alfred merely blinked. “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m afraid my ears have caught up to my age. I must have misheard you, because for a moment, I thought you said that Red Hood is Jason.”

“You didn’t mishear me, Alfred. It’s him.”

Bruce saw the confusion in Alfred’s eyes, the frantic search for reason. “Our Jason? Jason Todd?”

“Yes, Alfred.”

And then, Bruce felt it. The pain he had been suffering with for weeks spreading to the man who raised him. Alfred clutched his chest with one hand, the other clenching tightly over the armrest of his chair, his breathing quickened.

“Impossible,” he whispered, “Jason died. How?”

“There was an event regarding The League and Superboy punching reality. I won’t get into details, but I suspect that was what caused the initial resurrection. The restoration, however. We know of someone who has been continuously restored time and time again.”

“Ra’s Al Ghul,” Alfred concluded, “But why? Why on Earth would he restore Jason?”

“I don’t know,” Bruce frowned, “But it is an almost perfect revenge plan. I would like to entertain the idea that he has brainwashed Jason into thinking we are the enemy, but I can’t put it past him to develop a hatred for me. I… betrayed him.”

“Master Bruce, this is not your fault,” Alfred rose to his feet, “If it is indeed Jason, we can still help. I have faith in the boy.”

“Me too, Alfred. Me too.”

Bruce didn’t miss the sob that echoed faintly through the cave when Alfred ascended back up.

***

As if in slow motion, he saw every change of emotion on Dick’s face. The way he blinked once in confusion, the surprise approaching as he widened his eyes, and then his eyebrows stitching together in a deep frown, his lips downturning and nose flaring in anger.

Bruce saw the punch coming, but he did not do anything to counter it. Gladly, he took the right hook Dick gave him, appreciating the sting that radiated from his cheekbone to his jaw.

“How long have you known?” his son shook in anger.

“Dick-”

“HOW LONG, BRUCE?!” Dick roared, fists clenched, voice echoing in the cave.

“Since the night he blew up the warehouse,” Bruce replied.

“Jesus, fuck,” Dick ran his fingers through his hair, “Jesus, Bruce. That was over a month ago.”

“I know.”

“We-” he choked on his words, “We deserved to know.”

“I know.”

“So why the fuck didn’t you say anything?!” he slammed his fists on the desk. Bruce caught a few drops of tears that fell to the ground.

“I’m sorry,” Bruce apologised, and meant it. But he just couldn’t bring himself to say anything more.

“You’re sorry?” Dick looked at him with eyes far too cold than he knew, “He was my brother, Bruce. He told me things he never told anyone else. We shared secrets and jokes. We went to the same diner once a week to catch up. He asked for my help and I asked for his. And then he died. Just like that, because you couldn’t keep him on a leash. And now he’s back, and you knew it was him, and you’re just sorry?”

Dick’s eyes were wet and red, and filled with contempt. Bruce couldn’t blame him. He hated himself, too.

“Does she know?” he whispered, “Does she know that the man who attacked her is your son, and is my brother?”

Like always, he pushed the pain away efficiently, logically, objectively.

“Yes,” he confirmed, “I told her this afternoon.”

“And she’s not angry?”

“If she was, she did not show it,” Bruce described, “In fact, she looked… Worried.”

“Of fucking course she would be worried,” he snarled, “She’s worried that she’s going to be irrelevant to you now the dead Robin is back.”

“She’s not,” Bruce growled at that, “She’s not his replacement. She never was.”

“Does she know that, Bruce?” Dick snickered, “Did you finally get over yourself and tell her that? Because the last fucking time I spoke to her, you called her Jason.”

Bruce didn’t know how to respond to that. He was good at smiling at the cameras and making speeches and charming an audience, but he was never good with words, real words that described his true feelings to the ones he cared for the most.

“I’m sorry,” he simply said, now numb to everything throughout years and years of practice. “I promise, I will bring him back. Will you help me?”

“What can I do that you can’t?” Dick scoffed.

“You knew him, Dick,” Bruce said, “You knew him in ways I never did. I can predict his movements, but to accurately guess what his motivations are- you knew him better than I did.”

“Fine,” Dick conceded, “But I’m not forgiving you for this, Bruce. I swear, you’re going to pay for all the secrets you’ve kept from us, be it by my hand or someone else’s.”

***

“Did you know that your daughter went out last night to see a boy while we were patrolling?” Dick brought up.

He was looking at Bruce’s back, as he always was.

Bruce was on the computers, going through hours upon hours of security footage and traffic cams for Red Hood- for Jason.

It was difficult for him to put the two together. Jason had always been his little brother. Young, naive, inexperienced. And now that same person was the leader of the underground.

It was definitely difficult.

“Alfred mentioned she went out, but I didn’t know it was to meet a boy,” Bruce replied without glancing his way.

“Well, she lied to me about it at first,” Dick sank in a chair, looking at his nails. “Got pretty defensive when I brought it up. Even tried to deflect by using Jason against me.”

Dick knew you meant to hurt him with your words, and it worked.

He was definitely surprised that you would stoop that low because he always saw you as a sweet, kind girl.

People change. That’s what happens when you stick with Batman.

But Dick didn’t expect you to change so fast.

“She… used Jason against you?”

Bruce finally turned towards him, the ever constant frown a little bit deeper that moment.

“Yeah,” Dick straightened, “It was the first time she’s ever spoken to me that way.”

“What did she say exactly?”

“That I was distracting myself by using humor as a coping mechanism, and that I should come to terms with the fact that it was my brother who kidnapped and sexually assaulted her,” he repeated bitterly.

“What did you say to her that she responded that way?” Bruce asked.

“I was just making fun of her boyfriend,” Dick shrugged, “Why? Do you think she’s hiding something?”

At first, Dick thought that you were genuinely angry at the both of them because you were right- Jason did kidnap you. Jason did do those things to you. And Jason was supposed to be under both Bruce and Dick’s responsibility.

Dick didn’t blame you for it, because he would have probably been angry if the situation was reversed.

It was one of the mistakes he always made as Robin when Bruce was teaching him how to accurately deduce by reading people. Never assume that someone’s motivations would be the same as your own.

“She hid that she has… someone from me. There must be a reason why.”

“Or she knows how you are and would rather not have your nose in her business, Bruce. She did find out about that tracker you put in her necklace. How did she even react to it?”

Bruce had done the same with both Dick and Jason while they were Robin, though it didn’t come disguised as a pretty, shiny piece of metal.

On the contrary, during Dick’s Robin days, Bruce had hid it behind his third molar while he was unconscious. He only found out after a year, when he was held hostage by a mercenary who wanted to use him to lure Batman. Said mercenary had detected the tracking device and pulled it out along with the tooth.

It made him increasingly more hostile towards Batman and his never ending need for control, but at least it saved him a trip to the dentist.

From what Dick knew, Jason died with his tracker on him.

Bruce had said that it was all done in the name of safety.

But would you tell Jason the same thing now?

“I apologised and never replaced the one Red Hood damaged. I thought that would have been sufficient for her to trust me again.”

Dick let out a bark of laughter at that, but it was void of any humor. “Only you would think that not replacing her damn tracker would make her trust you. No wonder she hasn’t told you anything.”

It was probably best not to mention that you were now also sexually active.

“Do you think she’s hiding something important?” Bruce asked.

“Are you actually asking for my opinion?” Dick smirked, “No, but it’s too soon to tell, anyway. Relax, Bruce. It’s like you forgot what it was like to be young and in love.”

That was obviously a joke. Bruce grew out of his childhood the moment he saw his parents getting killed in that alley.

As for being in love, did Bruce ever allow himself that?

***

“What did you say she called herself?” Nightwing asked softly.

The poor girl was scared out of her mind to the point where Dick found it difficult to extract important information from her ramblings.

Well, that’s what happens when someone makes you kill a person.

It was difficult, so difficult, to face the fact that it was Jason behind all of that.

“I t-think, V,” the witness- Elena- stuttered. “She with him. But try to stop him.”

Behind him, he felt Batman pause. He was walking around the club and analysing evidence while listening to the conversation.

“She tried to stop him? Him as in Red Hood?” Dick frowned.

“Yes,” Elena looked down and rubbed her arms.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but,” Dick tried, “You told me they were partners.”

“Yes, but she try to stop him,” she repeated, “I don’t know.”

“It’s okay,” Dick offered a smile, “Thank you very much. You’ve been a huge help.”

“Am I going to prison?” she looked at him with big, wet eyes.

“We’ll make sure you won’t,” Dick assured, “You’ll get the best defense team in Gotham.”

“You can do that?” she asked, hope in her voice.

“It’s the least we could do,” Dick answered, a sad smile playing on his lips.

He’s our responsibility.

“Thank you,” she gave a watery laugh, “Even prison better than with him, I want to be free.”

Dick heard footsteps approaching. As he turned around, Gordon entered the crime scene, followed by his team.

“Of course you’re here first,” he sighed at Batman.

“Gordon.”

“You might have to speak to the police again, okay?” Dick told Elena who was suddenly nervous again by the presence of so many people. “I’ll make sure they know you’re innocent. Gordon is the only one you can trust, okay?”

She nodded, her gaze turning downwards.

“Gordon,” he approached the aging man. He was used to talking with Gordon in Batman’s stead, even when he was Robin, and remembered feeling proud of himself whenever he finished speaking to Gordon regarding cases without Batman having to add anything.

“Nightwing,” he blinked, “It’s been a while.”

“Desperate times calls for desperate backups,” he grinned, “Anyway, the girl. She’s a victim of Victor Ibenescu’s human trafficking trade. Romanian, only thirteen when she was kidnapped. She was forced to shoot Victor by Red Hood.”

“This Red Hood likes his poetic justice,” Gordon snickered.

“It’s still first degree murder, or at least, that’s how the law would make it seem,” Dick reminded him, “But I assure you she’s innocent. Red Hood threatened to kill and rape her if she didn’t shoot.”

That was a lie, on both his part and Elena’s. Judging by the way she averted her eyes and touched her own arm, Dick could tell that she wasn’t telling the whole truth about being threatened by Red Hood- but he also knew that he couldn’t expose her and get into more trouble.

He wanted to let out a tired sigh, but that would give him away in front of Gordon and the other officers. He still needed to maintain his air of hopefulness, and he couldn’t seem like he was troubled by his thoughts.

Time to meet Bruce back at the cave and watch the surveillance footage.

***

“He’s got a partner now,” Dick voiced out his findings, “Since when did Red Hood partner up?”

Bruce’s frown was deep as he stared at the screen.

Dick pursed his lips. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Whether this is Red Hood or Jason?” Bruce hummed, “This definitely does not seem like anything Red Hood would do. He’s always tried to separate himself from others because it furthers his authoritarian agenda. He does not get friendly with people because people are disposable to him.”

“So you think this is Jason, then?” Dick concluded, “Well, Jason never had much of a problem working with others in the past, and he made some friends. He wasn’t the type to be hostile to people.”

“He did have trust issues,” Bruce pointed out, “At the very beginning.”

“Yes, and he kept a lot of things to himself,” Dick agreed, “But he did have friends.”

“Special friends,” Bruce added, “Friends who gained his respect and trust. So the question is- who is this girl and how did she manage to gain his trust?”

“Hey, play it back again,” Dick said, “Those moves.”

Bruce played the security tape, showing the mysterious girl and Red Hood taking down Victor’s men.

“Arnis,” Bruce pointed out.

“It’s a little different.”

“She has incorporated silat in as well. Low stance,” Bruce observed. “She’s skilled, but not polished. It could be anyone.”

There was something familiar about the girl that Dick couldn’t pinpoint. Dick usually had strong intuition- a gut feeling that enabled him to know which facts to focus on during an investigation, or a strong ability to see through people.

But the problem was that it wasn’t solid proof or evidence, something Batman heavily focused on. It was a gut feeling that told him he knew who the girl was.

“Do you think it’s-” he broke off without completing his sentence. There was nothing to back his claims.

“She has no reason or motive to work with Jason,” Bruce shot the idea down, “He’s hurt her. And… She wouldn’t betray me like that.”

“She’s been keeping secrets, Bruce,” Dick reminded, hating the fact that this time it was him who was suspicious.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

Because he never would have thought that Jason was capable of torture and murder, either.

Why didn’t he come to me?

“As you clearly pointed out prior to this,” Bruce grit, “She has her reasons as to why she’s keeping secrets. And it is most probably because of me. All of you kept secrets. But this time, I’d like to let her keep hers.”

It was sweet, seeing Bruce that way.

“Is it guilt?” Dick asked.

“It’s repentance.”

Dick hated playing the bad guy.

Because he wasn’t supposed to be. He was the one people looked up to for inspiration, he was the light to Batman’s darkness, he was the smiles and charms and laughter.

He wasn’t the one who would accuse his little sister of fraternizing with the- was Jason the enemy?

Shit. Jason had messed with his senses. Dick’s head was chaotic, his emotions causing him to tense up.

Was he wrong? Was he just like Bruce? Was he jumping to conclusions just because Alfred told him you were out? Should he investigate this Carter you said you were with?

No. I’m not Bruce.

And now, you were looking at him with angry eyes, betrayed and appalled by his accusation.

*** Large.

That was the first thing that came to Dick’s mind when he saw his little brother.

The last time Dick saw him, he was much shorter, and definitely not as bulky.

And the last time Dick saw Jason, he was giving him a hug goodbye, complaining that Dick had messed up his hair.

And now, Jason was aiming a gun at him.

The gunshot didn’t hurt nearly as much as the thought that Jason had indeed shot him. Did Jason hate him that much?

You’re almost as guilty as he is, Jason’s voice echoed in his head.

“Bruce,” he gasped in the comms, “I’m down. They got away.”

“I heard a gunshot,” the deep voice in his ear spoke.

“Yeah, Jason shot my leg,” Dick winced, “Didn’t hit bone but I think it nicked my artery.”

“There are children here,” Batman said, “I was right. He’s sabotaging the Powers’. Gordon should be here soon. You control your bleeding.”

Dick nodded to himself and took a deep breath before plunging his finger into the gunshot wound to keep himself from bleeding out.

***

“...suspects that the crime lord only known as Red Hood and an unidentified female were behind the home invasion. Maria and Joseph Powers were left in a gruesome state according to reports, but their only child Carrie Powers was unharmed. The authorities are not sure what Red Hood’s motive was, but more will be elaborated during Commissioner Gordon’s public address later this afternoon...”

Dick heard you close the door.

“You didn’t come home last night,” he lowered the volume of the television.

“Uh, yeah,” you answered.

Dick looked over at you. You seemed tired, eyes swollen and red from crying, wearing an oversized t-shirt that he didn’t recognize.

“I was at-”

“Carter’s?” he finished your sentence for you.

“Yeah,” you nodded, sitting down next to him on the sofa.

Dick frowned to himself. Your arms were crossed, you were avoiding eye contact, your body was angled away from him.

“You heard about the Powers’?” he turned his gaze towards the television.

“I saw the news on the way here,” you monotoned.

You smelled like a different shampoo. It was familiar, but Dick couldn’t remember where he had smelled it before.

“So you know that-”

“Yes, Jason did it,” you said rigidly.

“Along with-”

“His partner.”

Ah, now he remembered the smell. Jason’s favorite shampoo. He used to make fun of him for choosing one that was called what it was called. He didn’t really care about it, Dick kept his hair soft and fluffy with multiple women’s hair products. He just liked to rile Jason up because he was so defensive about it.

And with that, Dick let out a long, disappointed sigh.

“Bruce is in the cave. I suggest that you think long and hard about what to tell him,” Dick offered you a soft smile, “But no matter what you choose to say, you’ll always be my sister, and I’ll always love you no matter what, okay?”

You gave him a look of shock, and then realised that he had figured it out.

“I’m sorry, Dick,” you lips trembled, your eyes started brimming with tears.

“No, kid. I’m sorry,” he replied, “Go.”

You nodded and left.

Despite being right all along, he didn’t feel any sense of achievement. Dick couldn’t help but partly blame himself. For being so absent, for being neglectful, for being a bad brother.

Dick wasn’t perfect, but like hell would he stop trying to be.

***

For years Bruce had tried to stop feeling guilty for being relieved whenever someone else takes care of a problem he couldn’t solve- especially when it involved murder.

Bruce had tried to take down the Powers for almost a decade, and everytime he got close, there was always another obstacle in the way. It was difficult to expose the rich and powerful without resorting to violence, without resorting to breaking his principles.

So Bruce was ready to stop himself from internally celebrating their deaths. This time, however, he wasn’t as pleased. Because this time, it was Jason who brutally murdered two people. Jason, who was supposed to be under his care and responsibility.

“Bruce?” he heard your timid, small voice from behind him. “I have to tell you something.”

And there it was.

Bruce turned around and looked straight at you, piercing your eyes with his own as he waited on your confession.

A minute passed.

“I’m V,” you struggled to speak, “I’ve been meeting up with Jason for a few months now. I didn’t know he was Red Hood until you told me. But when you did tell me, I chose to confront him and team up with him anyway.”

Bruce didn’t say anything.

“He- he’s not a bad person, Bruce,” you justified, “He’s just really hurt. He needs help.”

You were telling Bruce things he already knew.

“I- I fell in love with him,” you continued, “And I let my feelings cloud my judgement and betrayed your trust. At first I thought that he was onto something, that his… methods were better than yours. And I was angry that you kept secrets from me. But after last night- after what I saw- I couldn’t- I couldn’t stay.”

Bruce clenched his jaw.

He suspected it. Dick suspected it. But for your sake, the both of them chose to put their trust in you. He had tried so hard to change from his old ways. He learned his lesson with both Dick and Jason.

He didn’t want you to go through the same thing they did.

So, he chose to blindly trust you anyway, hoping that he wasn’t right.

“I’m sorry, Bruce,” you were sobbing now, “I’m so sorry. Please, say something.”

After another minute of watching you break down in front of him, Bruce finally spoke up.

“Hang up your colors. You’re no longer my Robin.”

#Red Who #Red Hood x Reader #jason todd x reader

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seriouslysam8 · 3 years

Note

For the ask game, would you please answer questions numbered 2, 8, 14 (all of your titles have such cool names), 18 (I hope Abditory isn't one of them as that story rocks), 21, 24, 29, 30, 33, 34, 44, 51, 62, 76, 82, 85, 88, 90, and 98.

Sorry for asking so many, but I love your work! Entombed gave me so many feels! I found your stories because author Breanie said to read them in her author's notes. Best rec ever! Thank you for answering.

Wow, that is a lot of asks! Thank you so much for wanting to know so much about little ole me. I think I hit them all in this and my apologies if I missed one. Let me know if I missed one. @breaniebree is awesome and my writing BFF. She is amazing, and I love her.

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

So, I’ve written for The X-Files, Supernatural, and Harry Potter. I currently only write for Harry Potter. I would say Harry Potter has always been the most fun.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

Random shit. Brontide came to me because I was browsing the HPFanfiction subreddit looking for a story suggestion and someone asked for a story where Harry was addicted to Felix. Only one unfinished dimensional time travel story was listed. It idea sparked me to write my own version. Entombed came to me because I was rewatching Buffy the Vampire Slayer where Buffy was buried alive. I knew I wanted to bury Ginny alive. As I stated in the author’s notes of last Kalopsia chapter, I drew inspiration from the Djinn storyline in Supernatural. I write about things I know, too. I have young kids at home so I like writing the Potter children as young because I can mimic their mannerisms in my writing. I’ve even asked my kids to say certain words to emulate their speech pattern in my writing if I’m writing that age group.

14) How did you come up with the title for the XXX? You can ask about multiple stories.

I HATE coming up with titles. My newest trend has been to literally Google “unique words”. There are a ton of Pinterest accounts who make fancy word and definition pictures. I scroll through all these little unique words and pick out ones I think fit a story. Sometimes I Google a unique word for BLANK and see if I can get a cool version of that name. @breaniebree actually helped me with Entombed.

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Sadly, I would put Abditory in this category. Never say never though. I think about it from time to time. Honestly, I abandoned it due to such a negative response I was receiving and the lack of positive response. I became discouraged. It wasn’t even negative response due to my writing, it was literally a bunch of “why would you waste your time writing a story about the biggest plot hole in the books? JKR butchered the whole SK storyline and it’s unbearable to read.” So, basically, my reviews and PMs were filled with JKR hate over that plot point in the books. They heavily outweighed the positive reviews I received. Honestly, I think that’s why a bulk of stories get abandoned - lack of positive reviews or enthusiasm for a story. If I didn’t get so many great reviews for my stories, I don’t know if I’d be able to finish them or continuing writing new ones. Fanfiction is free, (as it should be) but it’s a lot of time and hard work. A little appreciation goes a LONG way. So, my advice, review everything you love reading and encourage writers to keep writing. I always say in my authors notes that reviews make me want to write and inspire me. That’s the truth. The moment I stop getting reviews will probably be the time I take a writing break again.

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

@breaniebree. I mean she’s dedicated years to a single story with so many plot lines and characters that I’m amazed she did it. She’s a fantastic writer, and I definitely consider her my writing BFF. I feel like I’ve learned a lot from her and enjoy talking about writing with her so much. I’m so glad we’ve become friends.

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

Horrified. Anytime I get a little steamy in my stories, it goes immediately to @breaniebree who usually adds way too much smut and then I cut it down to still be somewhat PG-13 in order to appeal to a wider audience.

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

I feel like Kalopsia isn’t getting as much love as my other stories. I’m way behind in my normal review count per chapter. I wonder if it’s just the confusing storyline or if it’s just not as fun to read? But I was definitely worried it wouldn’t get the love I thought it deserved when I started writing it and it’s lived up to that expectation.

30) In contrast to 29, is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Cronus Rising. People still recommend it occasionally and I still get random reviews. I’m like, “why????” Its horribly written and a stupid plot line. I literally was getting back into writing after not writing for a good five years, so it’s abysmal. I’ve often wanted to rage delete it.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

When someone tells me I should write an original novel and they’d buy the hell out of it. I do have some original novel ideas floating around (one I’ve been writing since I was like 15), but crippling fear of rejection from publishers have stopped me from ever actually finish an original novel.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

I got some criticism in Brontide for having drama for drama’s sake with no real purpose or goal for said drama. I felt my drama served a purpose, drove the story along, and I add a lot of fluffy and cute family moments. I feel like in real life, when you to your loved one is going through sometime, it feels like nonstop drama and bad news and like a dark cloud just follows you. I wanted to emulate that in real life. So Harry’s POV was often drab because HE was the one going through something horrific and it was all doom and gloom for him.

44) What is the last line you wrote?

“You never think I listen to your ramblings, but it’s kind of hard to block out, mate.”

51) From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

Um... I’d say a 3. I think I have some good and unique plots for stories but sometimes I struggle on how to execute those on paper effectively. I struggle with descriptions, action, and showing rather than telling. But I do think I’m good at dialogue and capturing a character’s personality. So, 3.

62) Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

A lot! I have a Teddy/Victoire stalker story in the works that I’m excited about. I have (this is going to sound weird) but an outsider rom-com planned where Ron/Hermione breakup right before Hinny’s wedding and Hinny struggles to get them back together before the big day. I have a Potter family vacation fluff/comedy story planned. I have a game night one-shot planned. I have a short story about Luna’s wedding. So many that I want to write and don’t know which one to write first!!

76) Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

I’d say no. I’ve always tried to write my ideas down. Some I’ve never finished because inspiration peters off and some I plan on finishing once my newest big project is done.

82) Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

Harry goes through some shit, and Ginny is his soulmate.

85) Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I don’t understand why people don’t ship Harry/Ginny more. I don’t understand the Harry/Daphne obsessions (like just why???) or the Harry/Hermione ship at all. I always see people asking for story recommendation and they specific say “no Harry/Ginny”. They are literally perfect for one another and they are soulmates.

88) If you could ask one other fanfic author three questions about their writing, writing process, or works, what would they be and who would you ask?

@breaniebree .

1.) How do you organize all your charts? Send me the ALL the charts. Because I don’t understand how you keep everything straight!

2.) How do you write so much? You’re like a little writing machine in a cute little package.

3.) Where do all the ideas come from? In a dream? Just thinking? Driving? Do you write everything out in your head like meeee? Can I have some of your writing mojo?

90) How do you process and deal with negative reviews?

I obsess over them. I analyze them. I may get bummed out and not write for a few days. If you don’t like what I write, then don’t read or review. It’s a hobby. I do this for free. I’m not asking you to critique me. Give me a nice review or ask me a question, but don’t be cruel or mean because you can hide behind a keyboard and be a bully to make yourself feel superior.

98) If you had to give up either snacks and drinks during writing sessions, or music, which would you find more difficult to say goodbye to and why?

Music. I grew up with three older brothers. My house was always rowdy and loud and obnoxious. I need it to be loud. I can’t stand the silence or focus when it’s silent. I need music to help me think and write. When I’m home alone, I always turn on the TV or music, because I can’t stand when it’s silent. I think I’d go insane.

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bonbonbun-luna · 5 years

Note

Cool! Can you do a crossover/AU where Marinette a Youtuber, by secret, like just a hobby/second job. But know one knows it hurt since she never show her face since she wears a mask and such. Became friends with many Youtubers, even Markiplier and Game Grumps even argues about adopting her. Then get worried about their “little bug” and learned about some not happy things with about the school, a video of Chat being well not cool and the lies of this liar...Team Miraculous YouTubers!

I hope you gonna like it! This is non-magical AU and I don’t really watch the american youtube(Maybe only Pewds), but if you like it, I’ll write the second part where Marinette will interact with them! Send me more requests guys (ฅ･ิω･ิฅ)

Marinette sighed in disappointment, looking at the trending tab.

The video «Ladybug and I are soulmates» has gained over ten million views and an incredible amount of likes over the past six hours. Reading the comments in which the loyal fans of Chat Noir called her a blind idiot, Mari could hardly hold back her tears.

This has been going on for two years already.

She started making videos three years ago, hiding her true identity with a mask, lenses and a nickname. This should never have become a big deal, but a month after the first video, which somehow magically gained 400,000 views(Mari was sure that her uncle Jagged Stone was involved in this), Netty decided to make another one, finally buying new equipment and completely hiding her room so that no one could recognize it.

Parents watched her with interest, quietly supporting and sincerely rejoicing in their daughter's new ineres.

Sabina couldn't stop smiling, thinking that this year was the best for her baby girl. Her precious daughter finally made friends, scared off her bully, met many celebrities, fell in love and even found a new hobby. Tom cautiously touched all the equipment Marinette bought, being afraid to break something with his big hands.

Blunette ran excitedly, trying to cover the bright pink walls with a peach-colored material. The installation of the camera was difficult for the girl, but she managed, from time to time hissing viciously at interested parents scurrying around her room. When everything was ready, the Netty started the video in dismay, awkwardly waving her hand.

In her hands bluenette held a recently sewn dress, nervously touching the voluminous petticoat. Each time the light hit the skirt, viewers could notice a pattern in the form of birds surrounded by flowers.

Trying to smile boldly, Mari introduced herself as Ladybug and told that she was holding a costume for Clara Nightingale last performance. Gradually, Marinette became more confident, because she finally could talk about what she likes, forgetting about her worries. Smiling proudly, Netty brought the camera closer to the pattern, talking about how she had spent weeks embroidering it. Giggling, she showed fingers injured by a needle and admitted that she was sincerely proud of what she got in result. At the end of the video, she put on a dress on a mannequin and showed every detail, describing the work on it. Standing behind the camera, Netty wished everyone a good evening and shouted «Bugout!», finishing the video.

With the help of her clients, who actively talked about their favorite designer, and Clara Nightingale, who admitted that she wanted to give Marinette the main role in her clip, the video instantly gained a million views, causing the whole school to buzz with delight, and asking her fans(God, she had fans!!!) to make a new video.

It was stupid, but Marinette squealed almost a few hours in a row, excitedly jumping around the room. Sabina and Tom, selling pastries below, actively distracted frightened customers. Awareness of how happy their daughter was, warmed the hearts of loving parents and they couldn't stop smiling.

The realization that she was a celebrity came to Mari only when her best friend Alya started a blog about her, trying to reveal her true identity. After an attempt to credibly rejoice over Cesaire, the embarrassed but determined Netty set about writing the script and release dates for the commercials. It took her almost two weeks, but it was worth it, because at the end she had a normalized schedule and she finally clearly knew what she was going to talk about.

The third Marinette's video, in which she showed and described in detail the work on the cover of the album of Jagedd Stone, attracted the attention of the famous youtuber Chat Noir. The playfully grinning blond admitted in one of his videos that he was beginning to hate his popularity and it was the inspirational speeches of the little seamstress that made him stay. In the end, he winked flirtingly, asking the girl for an autograph. A few hours after the release of his video several thousand grateful fans signed up on her channel, and all the comments yelled that she was their savior. Smiling like an idiot, she tried to answer everyone, quietly rejoicing that she was able to help someone. The number of her subscribers rapidly increased to 800,000 and she couldn't stop excitedly rushing to the phone with every notification.

At one such happy moment instead of another comment she saw a message from Chat Noir. Blushing and goosebumps, she read about how he would like to work with her, and girl couldn't stop giggling. Trying to hold the phone with trembling hands, she quickly agreed, screeching into the pillow from shock. If she only knew back then what exactly would bring this to her...

Two weeks later they first met each other. The guy smiled playfully when he saw Ladybug, and instead of shaking hands he kissed her hand. Instinctively, the girl pushed him away and shook her head.

«Borders, kitty, borders».

Chat Noir laughed and invited her inside his studio. During the video recording, the young man actively flirted and involuntarily Marinette freed herself and began to respond to flirt. The blonde seemed to her as a long-drawn-out friend and she felt absolutely free with him. Needless to say, the video has become damn popular, forcing fans to wonder if they was dating.

The bluenette immediately began to deny everything, saying that this was their first meeting and they were just acquaintances, to which she received a promise from Chat Noir that he would soon become her boyfriend. Back then Marinette ignored this comment, dismissing it as a silly joke, but now she could not help but regret it.

The girl rubbed her eyes tiredly, looking displeased at the time. The clock showed that there were four hours left before school and Netty couldn't help but regret that she had not gone to bed earlier. She was sure that at school she would face another batch of charges, and therefore sighed wearily.

Eight months ago Lila Rossi came to school. She was an obsessive liar, actively manipulating everyone she met. On the very first day, she began to claim that she was Ladybug's best friend, confidentially reporting that she had introduced the youtuber to Jagged Stone. Smiling brazenly, she said that half of the costume ideas belonged to her. Boiling with anger, Marinette tried to tell everyone about her lies, but her classmates was instantly turned on, calling her a bully.

Now, when the school was a clan by the board of this cunning fox, who took control of even the principal Mr. Damocles, it was almost impossible for a bluenette to study. Every day was like a bad drama when she was accused of every crime that could be.

Sometimes, when Marinette was tired, she began to talk about her problems with her friends from youtube.

«It's almost impossible, 'ya know. When I go to school I am among idiots with one brain cell, and when I record a video, I endure the harassment of this moron Noir. Who am I now, a Wonder Woman?»

She never noticed the worried glances that threw at her, so she had no idea that soon there was a surprise waiting for her.

In the afternoon, trying to endure the ridicule of her classmates, she consoled herself with the fact that the weekend would begin very soon.

«Wow, you sigh so tiredly. Being such a bully is probably so hard», a sarcastic voice sounded nearby.

Turning her head, she noticed a gloomy Alya, who put her hands on her hips. Behind Cessarie stood scared and embarrassed Nino, and Adrian's head could be seen behind his shoulder. Seeing Mari’s resolve, Agreste shook his head in condemnation. Can't Marinette just calm down? All she needs is to become friends with Lila and then all the problems will end.

«What do you need, Alya? I'm tired and want to relax», the bluenette snorted, rolling her eyes and looking calmly at her ex-friends.

Alya angrily clapped her hands on the table, her eyes burned with a fire of justice.

«What do I need? What do YOU need from Lila? Stop bullying her! She never did to you anything bad, and you continue to cling to a good person because of your jealousy!»

Marinette grimaced, squeezing the bridge of her nose with two fingers.

«I have no idea what you're talking about, Alya! I haven’t talked with Rossi for more than three months!»

Lila, sitting at the first desk, sobbed, innocently opening her tear-stained eyes.

«Marinette, how can you lie like that! Yesterday you deleted all my contacts! How do I get in touch with my bestie, Ladybug? She recently moved to New York!»

Alya looked sadly at her friend, wanting to console her, and then turned to Netty, her eyes flashing viciously.

«I can't believe you, Dupain-Cheng! You are even worse than Chloe! How can you-», the girl’s fiery speech was interrupted by the shocked Miss Bustier, who flew into the classroom.

The woman looked around the class worryingly, and after she found out someone, who she was looking fir, her a thin, frightened voice attracted the class attention.

«Marinette, I... He... Um... There is someone at school who wants to meet you».

Immediately after the words was said, the happy Jagged Stone ran into the class. A tired Penny was trailing behind him, who noticing Mari, waved her hand.

«Netty! My beloved niece! I'm so glad to see you, dear», the man sang, jumping to the end of the class in an instant.

A pale Lila stood next to him, trying to hide, but she was stopped by Alya, who grabbed the girl by the hand. Frightened, Rossi swallowed a lump in her throat.

«Jagged Stone? Excuse me, aren't you recognize Lila? She saved your kitten, remember?».

The rock star made the most astonished grimace that he was capable of, forcing Marinette to hide her face in her hands, expecting something not that good.

«She did what? The last time I saw any cats was in my grandmother's house, at least twenty years back.» The man grinned maliciously, and then, ignoring the dumbfounded faces of the children around, he again turned to the embarrassed bluenette.

«My dear designer, there are several people who would like to talk with you! They need your knowledge and talent.»

«Uncle G, I can’t, I have a school!»

Mrs. Bustier spoke again, awkwardly clearing throat.

«Actually, we got a note from your parents, Marinette. It seems you really can go»

Jagged giggled like a small kid and excitedly handed Mari into Penny's arms, who led the girl out of class, quietly apologizing and explaining the whole situation. Jagged smiled sweetly, and then looked predatoryly at the class teacher.

«By the way, haven't I mentioned that there are a few people who want to meet some more from your class?»

Kids whispered excitedly, hoping that they would be lucky one. The man smirked viciously, laying documents on the tables in front of Mrs. Bustier, Lila, Alya and Adrian. The teacher immediately picked up the sheets in her hands, reading what was written on them, and then fell into a chair, unable to stand on staggering legs. It seemed that a little more and she would faint from shock.

«What is it?», Adrian asked frowningly, frowning.

«This is a lawsuit, Mr. Agreste. For you personally, this is a lawsuit about harassment and a restraining order».

«But I did nothing wrong!», the blond guy screamed indignantly, frowning displeasedly.

«Really? But it seemed to me that when you put on a mask and start calling yourself a Chat Noir, you stop respecting woman's rights and understanding the word 'no'»

Smiling coldly at the frightened schoolchildren, Jagged left the classroom, leaving chaos and drama behind. The man didn't care, he hurried to his wife Penny and his beloved niece, Marinette.

Today will be a wonderful day.

#ml #ml au #ml crossover #mlb #miraculous ladybug #ladybug au #ladybug youtuber #marinette #marinette dupain cheng #marinette defense squad #marinette youtuber #ml salt #alya salt #alya cesaire #class salt #adrien salt

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dawnrider · 4 years

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yeeeeeeeessssss . fluff 12: “Am I your lockscreen?” “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

Soooooo.... A million and a half years later, I’m finally getting to this prompt that @superpixie42 has now officially forgotten she sent me. 🎉

This hails from the Stocking Stuffers Universe which also included Dinner and Dancing. A nice fluffy “how they met” type story. It also happens to coincide with @inukag-week‘s prompt for the day of Acceptance. Enjoy, Lovelies!

The grassy knoll at the bottom of the biggest hill on campus was the best spot for a break between classes. Kagome made a point to meet up with friends there at least once a week, but often stopped alone to sit under the large maple that remained its central focus. There was a large retaining wall higher up the hill that was a frequent spot for the architecture students to sit, sketching the buildings around them, analyzing the lines… usually horsing around. Kagome favored a book in her spare time, since she did so much studying at home, but today she had a test to finish reviewing for in her next class.

A chorus of laughter caught her attention, drawing her eyes up to the wall. There were several male students and a lone female student, sitting with a sprawl of meal bags and large sketch pads. One young man, with dark hair pulled in a low tail, was playfully elbowing another in the ribs. With silver hair that nearly glinted in the sunlight and a look on his face that promised retribution, the other young man fairly vibrated with irritation.

Until it burst.

"Fucking...fine!" he shouted, vaulting off the wall with amazing grace and landing as though it were nothing. Which Kagome realized had to mean he was at least part youkai, because that wall was high. She read in the campus paper a month or so before that a human student had broken a leg and arm trying to impress friends by jumping down and miscalculating the height. And the fact that there was a hill at the bottom.

Kagome went back to her textbook, paging to her next sticky referencing the basilar membrane and set in for a very technical read.

"Um…"

Blinking, Kagome looked up and found the silver haired guy standing near enough to obviously be addressing her without getting too close. "Hi?” His eyes widened at her soft greeting and she could see that they were golden in color. “Can I help you with something?”

“Uh. Well… I…” He clearly hadn’t thought that they would get this far into the conversation. Still not sure what his goal was, Kagome slowly sat up and set her book aside. “My friend has been giving me a hard time and…”

“I noticed. I’m Kagome, by the way,” she cut in when he was struggling to continue.

“I-Inuyasha.” She smiled at his light blush. “See, he thinks that you’re probably a freshman, but I thought you were older.” His eyes widened when her eyebrow went up at his choice of words. “Not that you look old or… Shit.”

Kagome grinned, resting her chin in her hand while looking up at him, nearly sweating under the collar with anxiety now and ready to abandon his mission. “Sit down a sec. You look like you need a break.” He complied without a second thought, plopping into the grass beside her. They both pretended not to hear the jeering calls from the wall. “Is this a bet? ‘Cause you won. I’m a junior.” Inuyasha’s golden eyes flashed triumphantly, then he winced. “I’m guessing you lot are younger?”

“No. I’m a senior. Miroku, my friend, he’s a senior on a victory lap. Maybe a second one… I can’t remember now.” Kagome giggled. “We’re architecture.”

“I figured. I see you guys up there a lot.” She noticed the intrigued look in his eyes just before she noticed the pair of fluffy ears that seemed to appear on top of his head. She let out a little delighted gasp, which caused them to lay back again and his face to shutter. “Saw that landing too. Nice. Way to not break anything.”

Inuyasha froze, then slowly relaxed. He obviously sensed the acceptance in her demeanor. “Yea, well that kid was human and didn’t know how to roll into the impact.” They chatted for a few minutes about the incident, then fell into a faintly uncomfortable silence. “What are you studying?”

“Oh! I have a test on the cochlea in a bit. Reviewing the basilar membrane functions…” Inuyasha stared at her with no indication of understanding. “It’s part of the inner ear. It moves when sound waves impact the…” She paused again. “It’s pretty boring, really,” she murmured shyly.

“So you’re like, in pre med?”

“No. Audiology. Or I will be. Have to do grad school for that. Right now I’m Speech and Hearing Sciences.”

“That’s cool. You study ears and hearing.” Kagome wasn’t sure he realized that he was wiggling his very prominent ears at her in his excitement. She grinned and nodded. “Wow. Do they have anything on… on canine hearing in there?” he wondered.

Kagome laughed. “Not really. This book focuses on human hearing, but I have another textbook at home that compares human to non-human hearing. I could… Well… if you wanted...”

“Will you be here tomorrow?” he jumped in. She nodded. “Keh. Bring it then.” A light flush lit her cheeks. “I-If that’s alright?”

“Yea. It’s alright.”

The pair continued to meet in the grassy knoll almost every day for a week, only the intense rain one afternoon keeping them from seeing each other. Kagome realized after the storm that she had no way to contact him. They could have chosen one of the libraries to meet instead! The next afternoon, she put on her brave face and sucked up her nervous feelings so she could ask for his number.

“Oh! Yea! I mean,” he paused, clearing his throat, “that would be cool. Or whatever.”

He crouched beside her, starting to put in his password. So focused on the pattern, Inuyasha didn't notice Kagome glancing over his shoulder. He yelped when she grabbed the handset out of his long fingers, studying the screen intently for a moment before looking at him with a faint frown. “Am I your lockscreen?”

She could see the proverbial "oh shit" in his eyes before he snatched the phone back. Kagome waited for him to respond but found that he was speechless. It was a candid shot, obviously taken from the wall, with her casually laying on her stomach, reading a book. The distance and zoom made it a little blurry, but it was definitely her.

“You weren’t supposed to see that,” he finally squeaked out. Kagome could see by how flat his ears lay against his head that he was about to panic. She had picked up on some of his tells in the last week, as well as done a little research about canine youkai.

What she had also picked up on in her brief search was that hanyou, like Inuyasha, were in an odd place in society. She had never really met anyone with mixed heritage before, so she wasn’t aware of the stigma. Inuyasha was likely made very aware of it, regularly and from an early age.

“You didn’t get a very good angle,” she said lightly, pulling up her own phone and flipping the camera so they could see themselves on the screen. Inuyasha still looked confused and terrified. Kagome smiled brightly and caught one shot that way, then nudged his shoulder. “You gonna smile or what?”

It took him a moment to process what she was doing, how she was reacting to him. That she was… accepting him. When he finally understood all of that, he relaxed, gaze softening, ears returning to their normal position and a faint grin lifting the corner of his lips.

“That’s better.” Kagome snapped another couple of shots to make sure they got a good one. “Here. Give me your number and I’ll send them to you so you can use one of those instead. Much better angle.”

Inuyasha chuckled even as he took out his phone again. “That was pretty slick, you know that? I wouldn’t have guessed you had that in you.”

Kagome grinned as she put his number into a text and shot off the pictures with a heart emoji. “I think there’s a lot of things you’ll find out about me that you wouldn’t have guessed.”

Inuyasha matched her smirk with one of his own. “I accept that.”

@lemonlushff , @fantastiqueparfait , @heavenin–hell, @clearwillow , @mamabearcat , @thunderpo , @keichanz , @meggz0rz , @disgruntledbeast , @sarah-writes-stories , @zelink-inukag , @rikareena , @cammysansstuff , @mcornilliac , @redflamesofpassion , @superpixie42 , @underwater0phelia , @cstorm86 , @noviceotakus-blog , @lavendertwilight89 , @hinezumi , @wenchster , @hnnwnchstr , @lady-dark-69 , @itzatakahashi , @juliatheanimelover7 , @kazeinori , @theinuyashareader , @inupotter , @eternalnight8806-3 , @smmahamazing , @willowandfog , @gaysonthefloor , @sistasecbhere , @jennybean91

#Fluff Prompt #Stocking Stuffers #Inukag-Week #Acceptance #Dawnrider Fanfiction #superpixie42

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drummergirl231-2 · 4 years

Text

Happy Autism Awareness/Acceptance Day 2020!

To me, true awareness and acceptance go hand-in-hand. I still don’t mind the word “awareness,” since most people, even people who think they’re spreading Autism awareness, aren’t totally aware of what it is or what it’s like. But I also love calling it Autism Acceptance Day, because that’s what we need more than anything.

To spread some awareness, I’d like to address some misconceptions about Autism and share some other thoughts I wish people knew/understood.

1. Autists/Aspies do not lack empathy.

I found this thing and it explains it super well so I’ll just leave it here:

Imagine a scenario where you say something totally innocent and it triggers the person you’re talking to. They start flying off the handle at you and you don’t know why. But because they’re angry, you are, too. But since you don’t know why they’re angry, you don’t know why you’re angry, either. It’s crazy overwhelming and confusing. And you want to fix whatever you did because you don’t want this other person to be angry or hurt, but you don’t know how, because their all-consuming rage makes it really hard to think and try to put yourself in their shoes. Also, you’re scared on top of it all.

That’s what having high affective and compassionate empathy and low cognitive empathy is like. It’s not that we don’t care. It’s that we care too much, and all the super specific nuances of socializing are things we have to learn one at a time, through either our mistakes or others’ mistakes. These things don’t come naturally to us, but it’s not like we can’t learn. If I were to compare math to socializing, it’s like you all have calculators or other doohickeys to do all the math for you and we just have paper and a pencil... and no eraser.

2. Autism is not a mental illness to be “cured.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I am ALL FOR people finding ways to help us be able to deal with the world better, whether that’s a better diet, items to block out sensory stimuli or items that stimulate, or counselling that can help us navigate social situations and talk through anxiety and/or depression. But those things don’t “cure,” us because Autism isn’t a disease or something wrong with us. Autism gives us different challenges, sure, but neutotypicals have their own challenges.

The symptoms typically associated with “low-functioning,” Autism don’t necessarily have to be a part of Autism. Many non-verbal kids grow up to be verbal. That doesn’t mean they stopped being autistic. There was a celebrity mom years ago who claimed to “cure” her son’s Autism with a gluten-free dairy-free diet. He’d been so trapped in his head, he couldn’t engage with the world around him. She altered his diet and one day he laughed at Spongebob, and that was a turning point. He became able to interact with people and react to things on TV. It was a huge breakthrough. But he was still autistic. If you were to have plopped me down on a rug as a toddler next to a toddler like this celebrity’s son before his altered diet, you wouldn’t think I was autistic at all by comparison. But I was, and I am.

Autism is a different neurological blueprint, and yes, brain-healthy diets and detoxes can do wonders for us because it seems like our brain type does make us more susceptible to negative effects from neurotoxins. But if you think someone has lost their Autism just because “the bad parts,” went away... no. That’s not how it works.

3. Not everyone is “a little autistic.”

When I was newly diagnosed and trying to process it, someone told me something along the lines of, there there, we’re all a little autistic. But that’s not true. There are a lot of traits associated with this brain type, and yes, a neurotypical person can have a few of them. That doesn’t make them a little autistic. To be considered autistic at all, you’d have to have a large number of quirks plus social delays (not associated with excessive technology use), odd or repetitive behaviors, unusual and intense interests, communication struggles, and unusual sensory processing. Suppose you’re white. If you are white, this should be easy to imagine. Say an African American just told you about some of the challenges they’ve faced, whether it’s race-based bullying in school or racial profiling later on. Would it be appropriate to say, “There there, we’re all a little black?” NO. One, it’s false. Two, while all people struggle with stuff because to be human is to struggle sometimes, the struggles of different groups of people are totally different, and you can’t say you know exactly what it’s like or pretend everyone’s the same. We all have equal dignity and worth, but beyond that, everyone’s different. Don’t pretend differences don’t exist. Just value them.

4. Autism doesn’t have a “look.”

When I tell people I’m autistic, this is usually what I hear: “Wow! I wouldn’t have guessed! You don’t look autistic.” ...What does that even mean??? Is it supposed to be a compliment? Because if it’s a compliment I “don’t look autistic,” then that’s kind of an insult to other autistic people. Or do they mean it like, “I don’t believe you’re really autistic because I have a preconceived idea of what an autistic person looks like and you don’t fit the bill so I’m not going to give you grace if you act weird?” I don’t know. Y’all say weird things too, sometimes, ya know? But Autism doesn’t have a look. There is a sort of distant intensity in our gaze sometimes... and I can legit see it when Jim Parsons plays Sheldon Cooper, but when I see an interview with him as himself, it’s gone. It’s not a fixed feature of our faces, and a talented NT could totally put it on.

5. Autism presents itself differently in boys and girls.

You know how not a lot of people know the symptoms of heart attacks in women because mainly people only talk about what a heart attack is like for men? It’s kinda like that with Autism, too. Typically when you hear about Autism, you’re hearing about the signs and symptoms in boys. Even most pediatricians only know to look for the way it presents in boys, which is how so many girls don’t get a diagnosis until later in life, if ever. One difference is that, for whatever reason, girls tend to be better at nonverbal communication and taking hints. We’re mimics. Chameleons. We take on the mannerisms of those around us and who we see on TV as we force ourselves to adapt. Verbal boys might speak at unusual volumes or with an unusual voice, rhythm, or cadence, but verbal girls learn to mimic the speech patterns of others. Our special interests/obsessions aren’t typically seen as strange given our age and sex. For example, a six-year-old autistic boy might be fascinated by WWII. I was interested in fetal development. People thought, “What’s so weird about that? She’s a little girl who loves babies.” We often play with Barbies or other dolls long after our peers have stopped. It helps autistic girls process social situations. When I was shamed out of liking Barbies, I started writing stories in notebooks or in my head. Autistic boys usually struggle with social communication from an early age, but autistic girls usually don’t have any major communication struggles until adolescence, when relationships, platonic or romantic, get way more complicated. Since little autistic girls can mimic their neurotypical peers, and since some doctors only know how to look for Autism in boys, we tend to fly under the radar, causing that huge gender gap in diagnoses.

6. Mental illness is common with Autism, but NOT part of it.

I read an article by an autist in the UK who struggles to get help for his anxiety or depression because therapists have brushed him off, saying “Well, that’s just part of being Autistic, so it can’t be helped.” NO! Just like neurotypicals can be mentally healthy or unhealthy, Autistic people can be mentally healthy or unhealthy. Just because something is common for us doesn’t mean it’s how it’s supposed to be, or that it’ll always be that way, or that it’s part of who we are and we need to embrace it. People with mental illnesses should be embraced (literally or figuratively, depending on what they’re comfortable with). Mental illnesses should not be embraced. Ever. Because autistic kids and adults often face abuse, bullying, discrimination, and are ostracized, anxiety (especially social anxiety) and depression are common for us. In more serious cases, especially in autistic teens and young adults, dissociative disorders can develop. What’s worse, it doesn’t take much looking to find the dark corners of the internet where people, autistic or not, are encouraged to embrace their developing dissociative thoughts and feelings. I once saw an interview with someone who found healing from a dissociative disorder, and she gets emails every day from others with the same disorder she had who regret some of the things they were talked into doing while living with the condition and who want to find the healing she did. She said many of them are autistic and under the age of twenty-five. Autistic people with mental illnesses shouldn’t be talked into believing their mental illnesses are a part of them, or not mental illnesses at all, or something to celebrate and cling to. I reject the notion we should have to settle for being ill in any way. We deserve to be as healthy and whole as anyone else, and it makes me sick there are so many internet predators preying on us in this way, and that there are therapists who think Autism and mental illness has to be a packaged deal.

7. If LGBT people were treated the way autistic people are by the media, it’d lead to outrage. But it seems like no one is outraged on our behalf.

We’ve seen the news stories, haven’t we? A couple invites the news over to their house, upsetting their autistic child who then has a meltdown, the meltdown is filmed and aired, and the parents are just like, “This is what our life is like because of Autism. And it sucks. Pity us.”

There was one video I saw... I’m just so enraged by it, even after two years. A mother was praised for her open honesty as she vilified her autistic son and complained about how he ruined her life and how hard it is to go out and have people stare. I’m sorry, hard for WHO??? I don’t even want to go into the details. I know only sharing this much doesn’t make it sound like that bad of a video, it’s just... ugh. Guys. It’d be a whole separate post. I can’t deal with it right now.

If parents went on the news after their kid came out to them as gay, and wept and begged for pity and said some of the things this woman said of her autistic son (wondering what she did wrong that made her deserve this or that led to this or saying she doesn’t believe in God but finds herself praying anyway that God’ll “fix him”), America would call them the worst parents ever. But parents of autistic kids who do this are praised for their openness and vulnerability as they publicly shame their child.

Another time, after a mass shooting carried out by a teenage boy, the news reported that he was autistic and that might have contributed to the attack (there they go, combining mental illness with Autism as one and the same again).

If a pedophile were arrested, and they said on the news, “And we just got word that he’s gay, so that may be why,” there’d be a riot. But the news can pin autists as mass murderers and no one bats an eye!

All of May last year working at a clothing store, I watched as various departments filled up with pride t-shirts to get ready for June, and I couldn’t help but think,

Where were the Autism acceptance t-shirts in March to get ready for April?

I probably shouldn’t be so surprised with the media painting us as life-ruiners and life-enders.

I know it’s a vile and disgusting thing for me to be jealous of LGBT people in this way, especially since they have their own struggles, too. I just wish society had our backs and celebrated us instead of wanting us “fixed,” for their own convenience, ya know?

8. Almost all of us hate Autism Speaks, and those who don’t are probably just new. XD

I used to be all “Light it up blue!” as well (even though that seemed weird to me, given blue lights might be overwhelming to some people on the spectrum). But then I read something on their site that made me feel really betrayed, and down the line, I learned most autistic people hate them... some because they saw them say the opposite of what I saw they said. Basically we all have different opinions but Autism Speaks spouts whatever information their donors want them to (sellouts), and that donated money doesn’t go towards helping us, but toward more fundraising or research on how to prevent people with our brain type. I guess they’re not fond of the artistic and scientific advancements we bring to the table. They should change those puzzle pieces from blue or multi-colored to white with black specks because they want a world that’s vanilla.

9. Some of us still like the puzzle pieces, even if we hate Autism Speaks.

I’ve talked about this in a fanfic, but I’d love it if we could redeem the puzzle pieces, because they’re still a good analogy if you assign a different meaning. Autists and NTs are puzzling to each other, no sense denying that, but the more time we spend together, the more we start to understand each other. Also, Autism does have a lot of pieces, and figuring out I was autistic was like solving the puzzle of my life. The missing pieces came together and things became clearer and made more sense. Also also, some autistic people are really good at puzzles. And then there are autists like me who aren’t necessarily good at puzzles, but get totally absorbed in working on them anyway (my parents have been doing some puzzles during the quarantine lol they’re traps! TRAPS I SAY!!!).

Nevertheless, I understand why other autistis don’t like the puzzle pieces and prefer the rainbow infinity symbol, and I quite like it, too. It’s very pretty, and the way the colors fade together is a nice symbol of how it’s a spectrum.

It’s a sign of the infinite possibilities in our lives when we’re empowered, because we can do and have done good and great things in the world.

#autism acceptance day #autism awareness day #autism #asperger's syndrome #self-advocacy #I'm like hecka impressed if you read all this

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swiftlymoniquesblog · 4 years

Text

Crossing Parallel Lines- Sam Winchester x Reader: Chapter 12

*TRIGGER WARNING: The following may be a trigger for anyone suffering from mental health. Please proceed with caution*

A/N: Wow, I can’t believe we are in chapter 12 now! I wanted to write more about the reader’s struggles with anxiety but I also wanted Dean, Jack and Cas to love on her too! So please, enjoy!

Warnings: FLUFF, mentions of sexy times, BOOBS, breakdowns, crying, insecurities, cuddles from a big Moose

Word Count: 3,382

Previous Chapter| Fandom Masterlist| Masterlist of all Masterlists

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Reader’s POV

Since Sam found out about your anxiety, he was a lot more attentive to you. Not so much where it would feel overbearing, but just enough to show you how much he cared and loved you. You still couldn’t believe he was lying next to you in your bed, after your joyous reunion the previous night. Laying on your side so you could look at him, you watch as he slept. His face would crinkle up when something must’ve frightened him in his sleep, his pink lips just barely apart from one another as a small snore left his lungs. The rise and fall of his chest fell into a soft pattern, up and down every few minutes. His long lashes resting gently on his face and his nose released built-up tension he was harboring as he breathed. Everything about him was flawless and it took your own breath away when you looked at him. Something about the way he was when he slept, made him look much smaller and a little less hard on the outside. You knew damn well about his life; the hardships he faces, all the battles with monsters and people over the years were beginning to catch up with him. However, at this moment, none of the bad things mattered. What mattered now, was that he got to be at peace, even if just for a little while, and he didn’t have to worry about what the next hunt or battle would entail. His worries now were you and your well-being. You had your own battles to fight and they had become too much for you to do on your own, so crossing over to your universe earlier than the original spell told you, Sam was here and he was with you. To fight those demons with you and to help you navigate all the new things you were learning about yourself. It wasn’t an easy process but Sam was committed to staying with you, and he promised you that, right before sleep overpowered both of you.

Keeping quiet, you moved closer to Sam, careful not to wake his sleeping form, so you could pepper his face with tiny kisses like he liked to do with you. You started from the top of his forehead, trailing a line down his nose, over to his cheeks and chin, slowly adding a few kisses to the softest part on his neck, the one you spent plenty of time on the night before, causing a low grumble to bubble up from his chest. You knew he was awake, but he didn’t dare open his eyes. Catching on to his little game, your trail moved down to the exposed parts of his chest, leaving behind the most intimate kisses you could, before you made your way back up to his lips. Almost instantly, he had fully woken up to kiss you back, deepening the kiss by rolling over you, surprising you by his sudden alertness.

“Well good morning, handsome,” you chuckle when he pulls away to look down at you.

He smiled down at you before speaking in his husky, morning voice, “good morning, beautiful.”

“Glad to see you’re finally awake,” you tease, knowing his little ploy.

“Well if I get woken up like that every morning, we might have to make these sleepovers a regular thing,” he smirked, eyes growing a shade darker.

“Not this morning, big boy, we got to get ready to head back to your world,” you smile, pecking at his lips before sliding away from under him.

“How the hell do you get away so easily?” He questions you as he collapses on the place you just were.

“Because I’m smaller than you, and you do pretty much turn to butter when I kiss you, so it’s easy,” you wink at him when you see the heat rising to his cheeks.

With all the events of last night, you and Sam had discussed crossing back over to his universe to see Dean and Castiel and Jack. Because Sam was in a panic over your state of mind and he was on the phone with Dean until he saw you, he knew he wanted to see you and show his support for your new journey as you learn more about yourself. Dean always saw you as his little sister and that grew stronger the more you stuck around and came to see Sam. He absolutely loved you with all his heart and he was incredibly grateful to you for loving his little brother the way you do. All he wanted for Sam was to have any shot of that ‘apple pie life’ the two of them always discussed in this life, but he was okay with not having it himself. He thought Sam deserved it more than he did, yet there was still a part of him that longed to be loved by someone like Sam was loved by you. He didn’t hold any jealousy or ill-will against you; he was so happy for you two, but he still wanted that for himself. Although, he was excited to have a younger sister, and that’s exactly how he made you feel from the very beginning. He took you under his wing and it was him, who constantly badgered Sam into accepting you as a part of their family. It was ironic to you that Sam, who had originally despised you, ended up loving you. But Dean always held a special place for you in his heart.

“Sam?” You say, walking out of your bathroom and back into your room where you had left him to pack up.

“Yeah?” He responds, keeping busy with his task at hand.

“What if things are different with Dean and Cas and Jack now?” You say, pressing on the palm of one of your hands; something Sam would do when he was nervous. He stopped what he was doing, no longer worrying about the clothes he was folding into a suitcase, and patted the bed beside him, so you could sit.

“What do you mean?” He asks, his concerned, puppy-dog look soon etching across his beautiful features.

“What if Dean doesn’t like who I am now that I have anxiety? What if he thinks I’ve become super clingy to you and him? What if he thinks I’m too emotional?” You list off your insecurities to Sam, who just takes your face in his hands, forcing you to look up at him.

“Y/N, he loves you and he’s worried about you. He began to panic when I first told him something was wrong with you. He didn’t care that I turned off the porn he was watching that morning, and he always gets angry about that! You’re like his little sister and he adores you as such. He was the first one who had accepted you into our family even before I did. That has to mean something to you, right? Yeah, I’m sure it’s going to be a shock to him, seeing just how easy it is for you to get upset over things now, but he really cares about you and wants to do whatever he can to help you. And Jack and Cas don’t really know about mental health but they both really care about you too and want to help, too. Everyone is on your side here, y/n and we all love you so much. You’re a Winchester now and you will be treated as such. Winchesters love more than we really realize we do but we do and we wouldn’t have you any other way, okay? I wouldn’t have you any other way. You are absolutely perfect in my eyes, even if you don’t think you are. You show me a different way to look at life every day, you laugh at just about anything, and you don’t care about letting people in when you’re not okay. I wish I could be like you in those ways, but I’m learning from you. You teach me how to let my feelings out and you show me just how important it is to cope healthily. I love you so much,” Sam finished his speech and you couldn’t believe just how much he really loved you.

“Sam, everything you just said, really helps me put into perspective of how important I am and how much I matter to you. I need reinforcing like this more often and it may take a few times for me to believe it, but I’m trying. As for Dean, I love him so much, too. He’s the best big brother I could ever ask for and I am grateful for him being there for me that first day. And you, my love,” you reach up to rest your hand on Sam’s cheek and he held it there, “are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I can’t fathom the love you have for me but I am lucky to be loved by you and I hope you feel how I love you too, Sam Winchester.” He smiled his wide smile that reached his eyes before he leaned down to kiss your lips.

“Alright if we don’t get back to getting ready, we’ll never leave,” he says after letting you go.

“Would that be so bad?” You say, hinting at maybe staying home with Sam wouldn’t be bad.

“Babe, I would love nothing more than to stay in bed with you all day long and to show you just how much I love you, relive the events of last night, but I promised Dean we’d be back at the Bunker tonight, for a surprise he has planned for you,” Sam said, holding one of your hands close to his heart.

“A surprise for me?” You ask your excitement reaching a new level. “What is it?”

“Oh no, I can’t tell you or it’ll ruin the surprise. You’re just going to have to wait,” Sam said, kissing the end of your nose, causing you to scrunch up from where his lips just were. He was heading out the door with your suitcase in tow, but your question stopped him.

“But you’ll make it up to me when we get there right? Cause I really need you and I might just not be wearing anything once I settle into my room,” you tease, causing Sam to spin around to look at you. You had lifted one side of your shirt up, to show him one breast freshly exposed, causing the bag in his hand, to suddenly drop to the floor. You had a little smirk playing at your lips and your eyes held him until he was beside you in an instant. He stood just mere inches from you, looking down at you as you proceeded to completely disregard your shirt, now fully exposed to him.

“Guess I should call Dean and tell him we’ll be a little late,” he said, bending down to wrap an arm around your waist and lifting you over his shoulder. You squeal at the sudden impact but enjoyed the moment anyway.

A few hours passed and you were in front of the Bunker. The butterflies that had erupted in your stomach when you left your house, had completely taken full flight now. The words Sam spoke to you before your journey and the feeling of his large yet protective hand in yours, was giving you a sense of calm that you were rather grateful for.

“You ready?” He asked, looking over to you, and squeezing your hand reassuringly. You nodded once and squeezed his hand back. You were nervous, yes, but you knew you were loved, especially after the morning you had with Sam. However, this was different; this was his brother and his friends. How were they going to react? Sam took his keys out of his pocket and fumbled with them until he found the one golden one for the door. As the doorknob twisted open, your stomach twisted with anticipation.

As the door opened, there were a series of loud noises coming from the kitchen and the War Room. Sounds of things falling to the ground, clanking of dishes, and several foul words falling from someone’s mouth. You looked to Sam, who only gave a shy smile, knowing of the culprit of the noise, but that made you more nervous. What kind of mood was Dean in if he was already using a long list of profanities?

“Hello? We’re here, Dean?” Sam’s loud voice carried down the stairs and throughout the Bunker before drawing the young Nephilim out from the hallway of bedrooms.

“Hello!” Jack said, raising a hand as he did, to show his greeting of whomever he came in contact with.

“Jack, hey buddy,” Sam said, going over to hug the youngest member of the Winchester family, aside from you.

“And y/n, you’re back!” Jack said, eyes beaming with excitement as he embraced you with a loving hug. “We’ve missed you around here,” Jack says, looking at you with a beautiful look of wonder.

“I’ve missed being here,” you say, taking in your surroundings of the old, slightly crumbling walls of the Bunker. The stories they must be able to tell of all the men who have lived there in decades past, kept your attention until another voice brought you back.

“Yes, it has been rather lonely and unusual without a feminine perspective on things,” Castiel said, appearing in the room on the opposite side from where Jack stood.

“Cas!” You say happily walking over to the angel and wrapping your arms around his shoulders. “I’ve missed you,” you say, your voice breaking as you took in the scent of the human form Cas took on.

“And I, you, y/n. How are you doing? Sam says you’ve been struggling lately?” He asks, tilting his head to the side slightly and eyes squinting to look at you.

“I’m okay, I’m just learning how to handle something I don’t really understand yet. I hope that makes sense,” you say to the angel, whose face melted back into his normal look of worry. Much like Sam, Castiel could worry rather easily but it always warmed your heart at their affection from you.

“Well, I may not know what is going on with you, but I’d like to be of assistance however I can. Your happiness is very important to all of us, especially Sam,” you look up at your boyfriend as he tried to hide the pink on his cheeks.

“Well judging by the color on Sammy’s cheeks, I would say y/n was here,” came a very distinct voice behind you; Dean.

You slowly turned to look at him, seeing him lean against the wall, and a small grin on his lips.

“Hey kiddo,” he says before you crash into him in a tight hug. You couldn’t help the tears that had poured out from eyes so you tried to squeeze them away, hoping Dean wouldn’t notice or make any comments about it. His hand rubbed up and down your back as you gripped him tighter, not wanting to let go of the special bond you held with the eldest Winchester. However, he felt the shudder come from your body as the tears only increased, so he took a step back to look at you.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” He asks, wiping the wetness away from your face but was quickly met with more tears.

“Sam!” Dean cried to his younger brother and he immediately came to your side.

“Hey, hey, hey, what happened, baby?” Sam says in a smooth tone of voice, wrapping you in his arms.

“I-I’m jus-just hap-happy to be here wi-with everyone,” you say in between sniffles and hiccups from your small break down.

“Oh baby,” Sam said, kissing the top of your head.

“Why don’t you two take a moment and then when you’re ready, we’ll be ready with the surprise, alright?” Dean said to you and Sam, as he continued to rub your back, despite Sam still holding you.

“Actually, that might be a good idea. Come on y/n, let’s go lay down for a bit and we’ll talk, okay?” Sam said, tilting his head down a bit so he could look at you from behind your hands, and gently pulling them away from your face. You nodded but kept your head down, not wanting to look at anyone and definitely not wanting to look at Dean. You held him at a higher standard than you probably should, but you couldn’t help it. He was tough and wasn’t the easiest one to let anyone close to him, so now that you are to him, you wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize the closeness that you had with him.

Sam led you back to his room, sitting down close to you on the bed, and held you tight. You felt like you didn’t need to cry anymore but you did just need to be held. So, kicking his shoes off his feet, Sam crawled under a few blankets that he had lying on his bed and wrapped you up in the blankets and his arms. He brought you flush against his body, making sure you were comfortable while keeping you close. You felt relaxed as you melted right into his chest, inhaling his natural scent of whiskey and a fresh clean shower. Taking slow, deep breaths in and out, as you felt your heartbeat slowing down to a normal rate. This was the kind of affection you needed and Sam was the best person to give it to you.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, slightly pushing away from you to take you in.

“Honestly, the only thing is, I’m just really overwhelmed by all your love and support and then your brother and your friends are just as supportive? It’s a lot but in a good way. I’m not sad, just in a bit of shock is all,” you admitted as Sam just smiled at you and kissed your face.

“Are you ready to see what Dean has planned for you?” Sam asked, showing you his child-like cheekiness, even for a moment.

“Yes!” You cheered, suddenly jumping up from the bed. He smiled at you and quickly got up to follow you back out into the War Room.

“Ah, there you two lovebirds are,” Dean teased, seeing the two of you holding hands as you walked into the room, heat rising to your cheeks as Sam squeezed your hand.

“All ready, Dean?” Sam asked, wanting to kill the embarrassed both you and he felt about your small display of affection.

“Yep, y/n, come with me,” Dean said, leading the way into his ‘cave.’ Opening the door, there was a spread of freshly made burgers, all the toppings you could imagine, all of your favorite snacks and drinks but a good mix of theirs too. Dean worked really hard to welcome you back to the Bunker and he wanted you to feel completely comfortable like this was your second home.

“Wow, thank you so much, Dean. All this food looks delicious!” You say, beaming with happiness.

“Hey, anything for my little sister,” he says, hugging you quickly before you all began to eat. And on top of all that, Dean eve let you choose what movie to watch while you ate. Excitedly, you chose the first Captain America film, one that Jack or Castiel haven’t seen. Who doesn’t like a good superhero movie?

After dinner, Sam and you shared a blanket and he kept you close as the movie progressed. He played with your fingers, running his up and down your arm. Your heart was warmed as you felt his love pouring out from his fingers, just a small act of affection meant the world to you. This is where you felt the most comfortable, being surrounded by people who genuinely cared about you. And, with someone who loved you more than you could fathom, suddenly your insecurities and your anxiety, didn’t seem so significant. Maybe being with the Winchesters all the time, could be the best thing for you.

Tag list: @tloveswriting @fandom-princess-forevermore @akshi8278 @to-my-beloved-fandoms-2 @awesomesusiebstuff @hobby27 @angeredcrow @spnjediavenger @thinkinghardhardlythinking @deansmyapplepie @polina-93 @sam-winchester-admiration-league

#sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x y/n #sam winchester fluff #sam winchester series #sam winchester angst #sam winchester fanfiction #anxiety #insecure #jared paladecki #always keep fighting #supernatural family #supernatural fandom #sam girls

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astronomyparkers · 5 years

Text

gifts (koh!tom)

Warnings: Language

Pairing: King of hell!Tom Holland x Angel!reader

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: Wow I’m actually writing!!! What a concept!!! Anyways I had a random stroke of inspiration so i’m riding it as hard as I can before it fades again. As I’ve said before, this series is in a non-linear order, and intended to be able to be read as one shots instead of a progressive series!! However, feel free to go through the koh!tom masterlist (linked below) to read some of the other parts I’ve written. If you liked this part, please let me know! And don’t worry, I have more parts coming. I’ve already started another part (that may or may not contain some smut 👀) and then I have another part (about an event that’s been mentioned in a couple different parts) coming after that!! Do you guys like this non-linear one shot style of fic??? I’m finding it works better for me because I don’t feel committed to a progressive storyline, and it’s easier for me to write parts while also working and going to school full time!! Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this, and I can’t wait to hear from y’all!

{koh!tom masterlist}

{masterlist}

The rose on the pillow next to you had become a familiar sight. Although the appearances of the flowers had surprised you at first, you now expected them to be the first thing you saw when you opened your eyes. A small smile tugged at your lips as you picked the flower up, inhaling its sweet scent as you threw back your blankets and got out of bed. You carried the flower to the vase on your vanity, tucking it in with the roses from previous days. They were all wilting from the atmosphere of hell, but with a light breath from you, they began to perk up again. You fixed a few petals before sitting down at your vanity and touching your hair.

Morning tea was already sitting in front of you, as it was every day. You poured yourself a cup and added some cream and sugar, taking a small sip of the hot liquid. Although your first few weeks in hell had been rocky, you were beginning to adjust.

Well, adjust might be a strong word. At the very least, you were beginning to learn how to act and what to do there. You still ached for the surface, and for the fresh air that every angel craved, but you were no longer in fear for your life every moment of the day. Now that you had been there for a few weeks—maybe even a month—you were almost entirely sure that tonight’s dinner menu wouldn’t include you.

You had even grown used to the king of hell. Tom was a fearful thing to behold, but you stood your ground whenever he was around, and he no longer tried to test you. Of course, he did have requirements for you, but they weren’t the worst things in the world.

Once you finished your tea, you dressed and made your way down to the dining hall, where one of the requirements was waiting for you. Although you had originally taken all your meals alone, Tom requested your presence at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The first time he asked this of you, you had been terrified. However, now you knew that it typically meant eating in silence while occasionally catching his gaze when you looked up. His stare was always intense and purposeful, and while it was originally a source of anxiety, you now thought he stared at you in curiosity.

That breakfast was no different. A servant pulled out your chair, allowing you to sit across from Tom. A glass of water was poured for you, along with another cup of tea. Tom raised his own glass to you, a dark liquid in it that you couldn’t identify. Instead of dwelling on the question of what he drank, you simply raised your own glass in a quiet greeting before taking a sip.

Breakfast was brought out on gold platters and set down in front of each of you. Tom had finally begun to provide for your preferred diet, so your breakfasts mainly consisted of eggs and toast, as well as a bowl of fruit that, despite appearing to be fresh, had a slightly strange taste to it that came with being in such an unnatural place. Tom’s breakfast, in contrast, was much like his other meals: dark with a large piece of protein, usually steak, and various sides.

Throughout breakfast, you could feel his eyes on you, watching your every move. You ignored it as always, taking small bites of your food. However, when your plate was almost cleared, the usual routine began to change.

Tom cleared his throat after a sip of his drink. “Did you sleep well?”

You looked up in surprise, turning and glancing around before looking back at him. You were certain he wasn’t talking to you, but there was no one else around. “Are you talking to me?”

“Aye.” He nodded tersely, his voice low. “Who else is here?”

“I just—I didn’t think you’d ask me something like that. Or ask me anything at all.” You shrugged a bit.

“Well, I am.” His voice had a tinge of annoyance in it. “Did you?”

“Sleep well?” You clarified. When he nodded again, you mimicked the action. “I…slept as well as I could, given the circumstances.”

“Given the circumstances.” He repeated. “And the circumstances are…?”

“That I’m in hell?” You didn’t mean to sound like you were asking a question, but you couldn’t keep the confusion out of your voice. “It’s not exactly a comfortable place for an angel.”

“I’ve given you a place of comfort, angel.” Tom took another bite of his steak. “A comfortable room, a bed, the freedom to roam—”

“But I’m not supposed to be here. This place, it….” You shivered as you thought about it. “It’s rejecting me. The sulfur in the air burns my nose when I breathe in, and it irritates my skin when it’s exposed to it. There’s no light, no fresh air…it leaves me feeling sick.”

Tom picked at his food, silent for a moment. “I see.”

More silence followed. You waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t, so you did it for him.

“Does that surprise you?” You asked, taking a bite of your eggs.

“I suppose not. I just hadn’t…considered the atmosphere here for you.” He looked down. “Are you in pain?”

If you were surprised before, you were just plain shocked now. “Does that matter to you?”

“Answer the question.”

“Answer mine.” You retorted. “The night I was dragged down here, you threatened to pluck the feathers of my wings one by one. Now you’re asking if I’m in pain? Do you want me to say yes?”

“I want you to be honest with me.” Tom muttered. “Are you in pain?”

“I…” You contemplated the responses you could give. If you said yes, would you be able to convince him to send you home? Did he have enough humanity left in his monstrous soul? “It’s…manageable.”

Tom said nothing more, and neither did you. When breakfast finished, he excused you like every other day, and you left the dining hall, taking refuge in the library like usual.

However, the usual patterns broke once again when lunch was brought to you in the library. A servant brought in a tray laden with drinks and a salad, along with a few biscuits and butter. You looked at the tray with confusion. “Does the king not require me in the dining hall for lunch?”

“The king is currently indisposed.” The servant replied, setting the tray down on a small table. “He asks that you’ll excuse him until dinner tonight.”

“He asks, does he?” You couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped you. “Since when does he ask me for permission?”

The servant straightened up. Some servants had grown fond of you, while others didn’t take too kindly to waiting on an angel. This one appeared to fall into the latter category. “It’s a figure of speech…miss.”

“Oh.” You felt a chill run through the room, despite the lit hearth behind you. “I see.”

“Please be sure that you’re on time to dinner tonight.” The servant bowed their head again and left quickly.

After lunch, you continued reading until the late afternoon before retiring back to your room to get ready for dinner. You dressed in a long dress that you found hanging on your closet door, assuming that Tom wanted you to wear it. It was a midnight blue colour, with a sheer overlay over the bodice and skirt. You added no jewelry, only wearing the bracelet on your wrist that Tom had slipped on you when you arrived. It was impossible to take off, and kept you from summoning your angel blade. You touched it, lost in thought before the chime of the clock brought you back to reality. You pinned your hair back from your face quickly before going down to dinner.

Dinner was always more formal than breakfast, even when it was just the two of you. Despite the strangeness of the day, that night was no exception. The chandeliers were dimmed, and candles lined the table to compensate. As usual, there was a goblet of wine next to your water. You had tried to refuse it the first few nights, but the next night, you found it next to your plate again. Finally, you stopped arguing, and simply left it alone.

Tom was already sitting at the head of the table, drinking out of his own goblet. Normally, you would wait until he acknowledged you, but it was an abnormal sort of day.

“Hello.” You said softly after you sat, your hands clasping together in your lap.

Tom set down his goblet, licking his lips as he looked you over. “Hello, angel. Did you have a relaxing day?”

“It was the same as usual.” You replied. “I read in the library. I took my lunch there.” You ran a finger over the silverware next to your plate. “You were absent from lunch today.”

“Aye, I was.” Tom nodded, his face closing off. “I had business to attend to.”

“Oh.” You looked down when he failed to elaborate more. “What sort of business—?”

“The kind that doesn’t concern you.” He cut you off, giving you a long look.

You restrained yourself from giving another remark, simply waiting for the servants to bring in dinner. You started with an appetizer of salad, followed by a pasta dish for dinner. Finally, they brought in a delicate looking chocolate cake for dessert, portioned and plated for each of you individually.

That was when Tom chose to raise his voice. “I have something for you.”

You paused with your fork in the air, ready to take a bite of the cake. “You do?”

He nodded, wiping his mouth and standing up from his seat. He walked over to you, setting down a box wrapped in black paper in front of you. He then returned to his seat, taking a sip of his wine.

You looked down at the box, touching the matte paper before looking back at him. “What is it?”

“Open it.” He muttered, his eyes on his plate as he picked up his fork.

“Is something going to jump out at me?” You asked, your voice uneasy.

The corner of Tom’s mouth twitched, but just barely. “No. Just open it.”

You lifted the lid off the box, and the scent of the contents hit you before you could see them. The smell of the fresh flowers and herbs mixed together, filling your senses as you inhaled deeply for the first time in weeks, finally without pain. “What is this for?”

“Burn the flowers and herbs in your bedroom’s fireplace to help with the smell.” Tom explained. He watched you intently, gauging your reactions. “There’s more.”

You lifted out the flowers carefully before your fingers touched something smooth. You pulled out a crystal bowl, opening the lid slowly. Inside was a white cream that seemed to sparkle in the candlelight with the freshest scent you’d encountered in hell.

“It’s a sort of…balm.” Tom sipped his drink. “You said the sulfur was bothering your skin. Applying this twice a day should help stop that.”

“Where…” You dipped your fingers into the cream, and the subtle stinging of your skin immediately went away. “Where did you get all of this?”

“Had it made.” Tom shrugged casually, but his voice grew a tone softer. “That’s what I was doing today, when I was absent for lunch.”

“You had it made…just for me?” You replaced the crystal lid on the bowl. “But…why?”

He shrugged again, but this time, he seemed more embarrassed. It was a new feeling for him. “I…I thought you’d like it. You do, don’t you? Like it, I mean.”

His voice was nervous now, which was new for him as well. He hated how eager he was for you to say yes, but didn’t hate it so much that he could stop himself from wanting your approval.

You nodded slowly. “Yes, I do like it. It’s a very considerate gift.”

Tom hummed as he took a sip of his drink, but you could still decipher the corner of his mouth lifting into a satisfied smile.

You packed up your gifts and placed the lid back on the box carefully. “Thank you. Truly.”

Tom just hummed again as he continued to eat his dessert.

You, however, just stared at him with a puzzled gaze. You had never heard of a demon, let alone the king of hell, doing anything to make an angel comfortable. Giving you a chamber to sleep and a rose every day in was one thing, but gifts like this? Gifts to keep you more comfortable here? That was unthinkable. You couldn’t figure out his motive behind the move.

Once dessert was cleared away, Tom reached into his suit jacket pocket and pulled out a cigar, lighting it quickly. “You’re excused from dinner.”

Normally, when he said that, you hurried away, but tonight…something drew you to remain sitting. “Would it be alright if I stayed?”

Tom pulled the cigar out of his mouth; it was his turn to be puzzled. “You want to stay?”

You gave a small nod. “If that’s alright with you.”

“It—it is.” He cleared his throat. “Yes. I would…like that.”

“Alright.” You took another sip of your drink, silence filling the space between you two once again. You were beginning to realize, however, that the silence wasn’t one of not knowing what to say. It was more…comfortable. And comforting.

With another glance at you, Tom exhaled cigar smoke in the opposite direction.

446 notes · View notes

zabrak-show · 4 years

Text

Blood of the Sith

Summary:

Kudra Deschain is a young pilot working for a trade company out of Coruscant. Her next trade route to Mustafar, ends up being a fiery life changing revelation to the dark side of the force, where she meets Maul, a Sith apprentice to Darth Sidious.

Notes:

This is pre phantom menace, by like maybe a couple years. I had fun writing this, but it's just for fun so hopefully no one takes this too seriously and gets mad at me for depicting Maul in a way they don't like, or not having some other random spec incorrect. I wanted to show a softer side to Maul. Probably NSFW, but there's nothing that graphic as I am a secret prude.

A huge thank you to my fiance for helping me out with some of the technical aspects as well as the story writing. And thank you to all my friends who have not only put up with me talking about my dumb Maul story for the past few months while I slowly chipped away at it, but encouraged me to continue. Sorry it’s such a slow burn, please hang in there I swear Maul shows up soon lol!!

7 chapters all together. 12.7k words (total for all 7 chapters combined)

Chapter 1

The metal floor plates quietly vibrated as the YT-1000 entered the Coruscant atmosphere. The pilots were a young woman with pale skin and long black hair, and a young male twi’lek with orange skin. They wore similar black jumpsuits and even seated at the helm it was obvious the twi’lek would tower over the woman.

“So Kudra, what are you planning to get yourself into now that we’re back from that mess?” The twi’lek asked with a smirk.

“Mess?” She replied, dodging the question, “I had everything under control the whole time.”

A green and gold astromech droid wheeled in to beep his counter and the twi’lek laughed and asked, “Your droid really loves to call you out. Why do you still keep that old thing around?”

Kudra busied herself with checking all the landing sensors and grumbled back, “That droid has proven useful on every run we’ve done. Plus, I like her sarcastic attitude.” She was cautious to not make it obvious the droid was her only friend and constant in her life the last 10 years.

“Have you set up the meeting then with Krass? After we land I won’t have much time to…”

“Yes Kudra,” The twi’lek cut her off and she shot an icy glare his way, “Krass will be ready and waiting for us so you can go off on your secret missions or whatever it is you do.”

Kudra sat in silence while they came into the landing bay. Why did he always get so mad she didn’t want to hang out with the team after a job? They just spent 2 weeks on this crusty cargo ship together. They both deserved to do whatever they wanted on their own.

As promised, Krass was there waiting for them, once they got off their ship. He was a tall weequay with leathery brown skin and knotted blonde hair. He always tried to look higher class than he was, which made him look tacky in Kudra’s opinion. He wore his usual worn out and dated long red leather coat with tarnished brass buttons and knee high black boots over canvas pants. He stuck out like a sore thumb on the landing bay amongst the muted flight suits of most everyone else.

Krass and the twi’lek discussed unloading the cargo and routine maintenance with the landing crew while Kudra checked in on L0-K1.

“Make sure these maintenance droids don’t mess anything up while I’m gone.” She said as she stooped down to wipe grease from the droid’s arm. L0 beeped and wheeled away.

Kudra stood in the back against the wall of Krass’ small, now crowded office. The whole team was probably over 40 people, but he only held the meetings for pilots, engineers, and copilots so 13 of them all together. A low hum of conversations between everyone enveloped the room until Krass spoke up to start the meeting. The room quieted and he gave his usual fanfare speech while explaining everyone’s next jobs. A sinking feeling hit Kudra in the gut as she realized her name hadn’t been called. She could not afford any time off right now, and as far as she knew she hadn’t done anything wrong lately. As it seemed like the meeting was wrapping up, Krass remembered her, “Ah yes Kudra, I haven’t forgotten you. You’ll be taking the Z95 to the outer rim for a small but important job.”

Kudra nodded her head, “Yes, Sir.”

Slowly, everyone filed out of the room and Krass caught her arm as she neared the door.

“Listen,I know you just got back, but if you can leave right away, it’d be a huge help. I’d consider your ship, the YT1000, paid in full after the job got done. If you do it right of course.” He finished sternly now forcibly grabbing the top of her shoulder.

“Sure,” Kudra responded coolly, “I can leave as soon as the ship’s ready. What’s the mission?”

He loosened his grip, “Top secret.” he stared into her green eyes as if to search for a reason he might be wrong about sending her on this mission, finally removing his hand from her shoulder and looking away.

“You’ll be going to Mustafar to trade with a mining collective there. In and out, easy peasy. It’s hotter than blazes there and not like some desert planet. It’s covered in lava so pick up some protective clothing, ‘fore you head out. I’ve already deposited more than enough credits for ya to prepare. Any questions?”

Kudra thought for a moment, “Naw, just load the information onto L0 about which landing bay to aim for and who the point of contact will be. Thanks for trusting me captain, I won’t let you down.” The weequay sprung to life suddenly and patted Kudra so hard on her back it made her cough. “Enjoy your night and I’ll let you know when the ship’s ready.”

Kudra pulled the covers up around her, pulling it off the naked sleeping man next to her in bed. She quietly packed her bags and got dressed. She debated on waking him up, and tripped over an Alderaanian wine bottle, spinning it across the floor and making a loud clank against a metal chair leg. Well, I guess that’ll wake him, she figured. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. He was really quite handsome, dark brown skin and curly brown hair with scruffy facial hair like he’d forgotten to shave.

“Hi gorgeous, are you leaving already?” he looked up at her from the bed.

“Yes,” Kudra responded plainly. “Apologies for waking you.” She started to pick up his clothes to hand him and he grabbed her for a kiss, causing her to lose her balance and fall into him, kissing him deeply and forgetting herself for a moment.

“I’m sorry” she said, pulling away, “this was fun. I do need to get going though.”

“Right,” he shrugged her off and got dressed in awkward silence.

Kudra made it to the ship bay just in time. Krass was waiting with L0.

“Ok, you’re all set with coordinates.”

“Great, thanks Krass,” she started to crawl up the boarding ladder.

“Kudra, wait.” She stopped and turned her head toward him.

“I didn’t mention it earlier, but” he paused to look around them as he handed her a small black velvet pouch, “this is very important and very secretive. Never take it off your person, until you meet your point of contact. It’s worth your very life.” He stuffed the bag in her hand and didn’t let go for a moment.

“So what, is this the actual cargo?” she looked at him skeptically.

“You could say that. Don’t let it into the wrong hands. It’s imperative it gets to our contact person.” he shook his hand holding hers and the pouch.

“Ok, I’ll make sure your old “friend” gets their prize.” she joked with a wink.

“Please, Kudra. This isn’t a joke. No funny business with the clientele this time. You won’t always have someone like me to get you out of your lovelorn messes.”

Kudra’s cheeks burned red hot and her heart raced. How dare he treat her like this, like some mischievous star crossed lover. She covered the anger up with her voice keeping it as cool sounding as she could, “Of course. In and out, business as usual.” She turned to crawl back up the ladder, and Krass was still standing there and yelled after her, “No. NOT business as usual! Professional this time please!” Kudra kept climbing, “Yup you got it Captain. You know I always get the job done one way or another.” She and L0 boarded the Z95 at last. She tied the bag to her belt and got ready for take off.

“What’s the worst that could happen, L0?” she asked the droid as they exited the Coruscant atmosphere. L0 responded, likely with an actual answer to the worst things that could happen and Kudra laughed.

After about an hour into their journey, Kudra remembered the weird encounter with Krass before they left. She opened the pouch to see what was so important inside. L0, beeped her opposition.

“Chill out, L0, I’m just seeing what it is that is so important. I’ll put them right back in the pouch.” She dumped the pouch contents into her palm. Two pyramid shaped, black and gold objects fell into her hand. She noticed there was some type of inscription on the sides of the pyramids. Somehow they felt heavier outside of the bag than inside of it.

“Wow, what do you think these are? Some kind of puzzle?” she asked L0 and the droid screeched a response.

“Ha ha yeah, I suppose my life should be worth more than a couple puzzles.” She slipped them back into the bag and tied it to her waist again.

“Alright, L0, we’re getting close. Narrow in on our coordinates before we get out of hyperspace.”

Kudra tied her long black hair back, revealing a portion of her head shaved and a tattoo of a convor. The ship came out of hyperspace near Mustafar, but in the middle of an electrical storm. The ship controls went erratic and every sensor that could beep started beeping.

“Woah, L0 what the hell is going on? I can barely get into a landing pattern.” Kudra weaved in and out with the barely working steering controls, trying to avoid the erratic lightning happening all around them.

“Why does this shit only ever happen in the outer rim?!” She was desperately trying everything as they started to enter the atmosphere, “L0 please fix our navigation plot, I can’t see anything!” L0 chirped, but the ship was struck by lightning, flickering their main power and everything went dark, the controls went dead.

“That can’t be good! I’ve gotta land L0, find me something to land on, find a way to SLOW us down.” Another lightning strike on the ship and power flickered on for a moment. Enough for Kudra to take some controls and slow the ship down. Everything happened so fast and she was doing everything not to panic and to just focus to try and find any type of solution. She had to use all her strength to try and guide the ship with what little power they had. All Kudra could see was lava. “Is there anything NOT lava on this dumb planet??” she screamed and L0 screamed back at her. She found a landing, but they were coming in way too hot. It was the best they could hope for, so she made the descent.

The initial impact onto the scorched ground completely obliterated one of the wings and most of the rest of the ship was torn up beyond recognition. They were sliding and spinning out of control until finally a bed of lava stopped the ship. What was left of the back of the ship was up in flames as the lava ate away at them. No time to think other than “escape” Kudra began kicking the canopy to try and free both of them. She was running on pure adrenaline as she could feel the ship slipping further and further into the lava, the flames getting hotter and hotter. It started to feel hopeless, so Kudra took a moment to focus every part of her on getting out of the burning ship. A deep breath in, eyes shut, and a strong kick thrusted the canopy off the ship and Kudra jumped out and fell onto the burnt ground. L0 flew out after her with a shriek and an ungraceful tumble next to her sounding like an empty can.

“Woah, L0, you look like shit.” Kudra coughed out, while starting to stand. L0 wheezed a response

“I know, I feel like shit too. Thankfully I have these ugly threads to keep me cool.” she looked down at the black and dark green thick formless robes draped over herself and then back at the ship melting and burning into the lava pool as she lowered her goggles over her eyes. The reality hit her again, and she realized how bad this was. The ship was gone. They were in the middle of nowhere on a lava covered planet. The ship let out a final death rattle as the lava engulfed it entirely and Kudra fell to her knees. Well, this was maybe the worst that could happen.

They started walking, with no real apparent plan other than to maybe find somewhere that wasn’t covered in lava.

“Do we even know how to get to the mining collective from here? What was the contact person’s name?”

L0 chirped the answer.

“Ok, I am choosing to ignore the distance we are from them, but Uane’s the name so we got that.” Kudra sighed deeply. She was too exhausted to keep up any sort of positive charade.

“We need to get out of this heat. Let’s see if we can find a cave over in those cliffs.” Kudra pointed off into the distance a series of cliffs that normally probably wouldn’t take longer than 20 minutes to walk to, but in this heat it was hard to say.

L0 beeped conversationally.

“Listen, I realize if I had taken Krass up on his original offer years ago, I’d be unhappily married but with a ship. And not here. That much I realize. What’s your point?”

Another prodding chirp from L0.

“Settle down? With Krass? Are you out of your mind? I do just fine on my own without looking after some useless old person all the time. This heat is really melting your brain, L0.”

L0 continued prodding Kudra with past mistakes she had made. Kudra wished she could punch a droid and have it do anything other than hurt her own hand.

“L0, what is your deal? We’ve been over this. Why are you always bringing up that deal on Corellia? The whole thing worked out a lot better, actually BECAUSE of me.”

L0 whirred in disbelief.

“Yes I stabbed Crix Harend! As you’ll remember he attacked me. At the time, I had no idea that was his wife in my bed.”

The droid buzzed on about this Correllian from Kudra’s past.

“I actually don’t think Crix ever found out about me and his brother. Anyway that was so long ago. Why can’t you let it go? We still managed to trade our cargo with them in the end.”

L0 wasn’t letting it go and starting to get on Kudra’s last nerve.

“Yes, because I slept with Crix too. What is with you right now?” She screamed at the droid.

They walked on and on in mostly silence now as Kudra was mad at L0 and also too exhausted and shell shocked to make commentary. As thankful as she was to have been warned about the heat and having the right clothing for this planet, something told her they weren’t meant for all day frolicking in the lush lava fields.

Mustafar felt like hell. Every breath was fire on Kudra’s lungs, every step reminded her of all the pain, mostly physical, but her mental game wasn’t so strong right now either. She trudged on and on, L0 whirring quietly behind her. At last, they found a cave to hide in. It wound pretty far back through some tunnels, but that was good. The further in they went the cooler and darker it got. L0 lit up the cave with a small flashlight attachment as Kudra made a makeshift pillow and blanket with her capes and passed out.

Next chapter

#fanfic #fan fic author #simp for sith #sith love story #mustafar #pilot #star wars #phantom menace #darth maul x oc #coruscant #fan fic newbie #be gentle with me #feedback welcome

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kurtsiehummel · 4 years

Note

For the AU + Trope + Prompt game: 6 + 5 + 15 please? Thanks! C:

coffee shop!au, unrequited love, “i’m rambling again, aren’t i?”

@alphabees-writes thank you so much for the prompt! i hope you like :)

read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25377799

the exquisite pain

The Russian word toska roughly translates to a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without a specific cause; a longing with nothing to long for. It has no direct English translation.

Kurt discovered the word in a battered Lima Library dictionary during one of his more successful escapes from neanderthal jocks. I know what I long for, he told himself. To be somewhere free from small-minded morons, to have a loving partner, to have success under the bright lights - Kurt knew the shape of his dreams.

And now - now, he has it all. New York, Adam, Broadway. But then what is this ache in his chest?

“Maybe it’s indigestion,” his friend tells him.

The friend’s name is Sebastian, and he is an obnoxious, insufferable know-it-all. Case in point.

The two of them are holed up in a corner of a coffee shop, a routine they’ve kept up since high school in Ohio. Since moving to the West Village two years ago (Kurt with Adam and the Sebastian by himself), they’ve frequented The Elk. It’s a refreshing, cozy affair - neutral tones, wood-panelled furniture, and smiley baristas.

Being with Sebastian feels like that, Kurt thinks - refreshing, cozy, smiley.

Adam once asked him how his and Sebastian’s friendship lasted so long. “And we’re even moving into his neighbourhood!” Adam exclaimed, sounding impressed.

Kurt was impressed too. He thought about it.

“Coffee,” he said. “We both can’t live without it.”

Adam chuckled. He’d always been a tea drinker.

“Don’t you ever feel that there’s something missing in your life?” Kurt continues asking Sebastian. “Something that’s hovering there, just out of reach, and you could grasp it if only you knew how.”

Sebastian smirks. “Absolutely not. You’re thinking too hard. This is why I don’t believe in monogamy – it makes people no fun at all.”

Kurt rolls his eyes and sighs. “How was last night?”

Sebastian leers. “Fantastic. Went home with this blonde and he sure was freaky -“

Kurt holds up a hand before Sebastian can regale him with the graphic details. He’s not sure why that ache in his chest intensifies at the first mention of Sebastian’s escapades, and chalks it down to concern for his friend.

“So I’m guessing you’re still not any closer to settling down?”

Sebastian scoffs. “What did I just say about monogamy?”

Kurt purses his lips and drains the dregs of his mocha.

Later that evening, Kurt’s on the phone, sprawled on his bed with fingers pulling at loose threads on the duvet as his father’s voice washes over him like a warm bath. Burt's talking about Kurt’s stepmother with that soft, gruff tone he reserves specially for her.

“Carole tried this new recipe with the chicken today. Cock ah something?”

“Coq au vin.”

“Yeah, that. It was fantastic. She really outdid herself. I tell ya kid, marrying her was one of the best decisions of my life.”

Kurt smiles softly. “I can’t believe it’s your tenth anniversary,” he says, as he wonders what the best decision of his life was.

Burt Hummel has been married twice in his life. Both times, within a year of meeting. Kurt has been with Adam for six years.

On the day of his and Carole’s wedding, Burt pulled his son aside. As they stood under the glittering fairy lights and plucked glistening canapes off passing servers, Kurt would never forget how his father placed a hand on his shoulder, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I’m so happy right now.”

Kurt had always dreamed of a fairy-tale wedding.

“Dad, how did you know when it was time to get married?”

One, two, three beats.

“Is this about Adam?”

“Maybe.”

Kurt hears a sigh.

“Life’s too short, kiddo. You and I both know that. And when you meet the right person, that’s rare, Kurt. Me and your mother - we were lucky enough to have the time we had, but I would trade anything for just ten minutes longer.”

Kurt’s throat tightens with longing, and Burt clears his throat.

“What I want to say is, don’t waste your time with indecision. Answer me this. When you imagine your life five years from now, is Adam in it? Ten years from now. Twenty. Can you picture a life with him?”

Kurt bites his lip. “Yes,” he whispers. Imagining life without Adam, without Sebastian, is piercing, exquisite pain. He pictures Sebastian always by his side, Adam always in his bed.

He wonders why he’s thinking about Sebastian when his father asked him about Adam, but he feels the ache in his chest easing. The shapeless discontent dispersing.

“Yes,” he says, more clearly now.

“Well,” says his father, “there’s only one thing left to do.”

Kurt’s fingering the petals of his bouquet as he makes his way to Sebastian’s. They’re daffodils – big, creamy white petals with a pastel yellow centre. In his mind, he’s already imagining lily-white accents, a cream pressed suit, golden-yellow boutonnieres –

“Good choice,” the florist had said when Kurt picked it up. “Rebirth, new beginnings, eternal life... unrequited love.”

Kurt laughed awkwardly. “New beginnings? This would make a good choice for a proposal then?”

The florist gave him a knowing look as she adjusted her cat-eye glasses. “Of course.”

Pre-empting Sebastian’s complaint about the god-awfully early wake up call, Kurt ducks into The Elk to grab a mocha for his friend. He needs him alert and ready in order to help plan the perfect proposal.

Kurt’s humming as he unlocks the door. He’s dreaming up potential speeches - from the moment I saw you, I knew you would be someone special? A bit contrived but it’s a start - as he walks deeper into the apartment. Then he hears it.

Moaning.

Kurt gasps, and in his hasty retreat, elbows a vase. It’s an intricately patterned affair - or it was. He vaguely registers that he’s spilled the coffee.

He cringes as the vase crashes down, and Sebastian slams open the bedroom door.

“Who’s there - Kurt?”

Sebastian’s clad in nothing but a sheet carelessly wrapped around his hips. As he bends down to check on Kurt it starts to slip and wow - Kurt averts his eyes.

He can’t help the way his eyes dart to the open bedroom door where he can see a sprawled out blonde figure, chest littered with bite marks and hickeys.

Kurt’s not sure why he’s suddenly feeling breathless – as Sebastian’s best friend he knows the variety and number of his sexual exploits, and he’s had the misfortune of walking in on them before - but the ache in his chest is back in full force.

It takes everything in him to just civilly take Sebastian’s hand to pull himself up, instead of not so civilly grabbing onto the man’s shoulders to shake the answers out of him. Why do I feel like this around you?

“What are you doing here? Are the flowers for me, babe?” Sebastian asks, and Kurt can’t find the words to reply. His head is spinning, his chest is aching, coffee is spattered on the plush carpet like blood, his daffodils have dropped to the floor, he’s rambling again isn’t he -

Oh shit.

Daffodils.

Oh shit.

That nameless longing, that pull in his heart - once again, Kurt’s sitting on that dusty library floor.

Toska, he reads. A longing with nothing to long for.

He picks up a second dictionary. La douleur exquise, he reads. The exquisite pain of wanting someone you cannot have.

Once again, he feels the dream taking shape. Once again, he knows exactly what he’s longing for – and it’s not the man waiting on him at home.

“Listen Kurt, can we continue this later? I’ve got a guest to entertain,” Sebastian says with a obnoxious, shit-eating grin, and oh. So the sweet, sharp ache, the thrumming, burning discontent -

This is la douleur exquise. This is the exquisite pain.

send me prompts!

#kurtbastian fic #kurtbastian #kurt hummel #sebastian smythe #glee fic #prompt fill #answered #this was so fun to write guys!!!#my fic #glee

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dangerously-human · 4 years

Note

Since you mentioned other people sending in numbers, I choose the five numbers that weren't asked that you wanted asked. If they're all taken, then I'll ask off script.

Hhhhhh this is actually such a sweet idea?? Hmm, let’s see which ones haven’t been asked...

11. If you could only write angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your life, which would it be?

Oh man, as much as I do love a little angst, I’d have to choose fluff. Probably because I tend to go for pretty angsty canon to begin with, so if I had to give up writing it, at least I could keep relishing it in canon!

16. What is your most underrated fic?

Hmm, this is kind of a hard one to answer, but possiblyyyyy Pretty Pretty Princess (Supernatural)? It’s a delightful crackfic in which one of the boys loses a bet and Sam, Deal, and Castiel play the titular board game. I just laughed out loud rereading it! To be fair, I tagged stuff badly when I carried fics over from FFnet, and Supernatural is also such a large fandom that works tend to get “lost”, so.

19. Who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? Why?

I’m going to narrow this down to only Endeavour characters, because that’s the fandom I’m currently writing for. Ms. Frazil is definitely the easiest; I think she has just enough characterization for me to build from in canon where I have a solid outline but plenty of freedom to sketch her in how I’d like, and her dialogue practically springs up already written. Maybe she talks a lot like I do? And Thursday is utterly freaking impossible for me to write well; I have NO idea how I managed a whole decent chapter with him in it to start out Those Binary Stars, because his unusual speech patterns and diction are so frustrating to try to put to page! I think I also struggle with how tense his relationship with Morse has gotten in canon, so I can’t seem to decide what shades of gray to apply to it in my own writing...

20. What’s your favorite minor character you’ve written?

Julian Randol (Continuum). His voice comes so easily to me, and I love writing his interactions with both Alec and Kiera, and all the complexities there, and his infinite snark. Julian is so much more important to the story than I think even the writers realized, in hindsight: I mean, you’ve got Theseus the terrorist leader of the main force of rebellion against corporatism-gone-amuck in Kiera’s 2077, and now you’re looking at him as a young man in 2012 and how his life has been shaped, and how much of that changes and how much does he actually want to change? If he changes too much, will some other brand of corporatism take over - after all, just because he doesn’t rise up to combat his stepbrother’s company doesn’t mean someone else won’t fill in the same space, right? Is there a way to go up against Kiera’s future without terrorism? And in all of this, you’ve got this really engaging character making these decisions and he’s kind of on the outside looking in with our core good guys; and idk, I just really like Julian and I think I get a good sense of him across in writing him.

24. How did you come up with title for [x fic]?

I don’t know that too many of my titles have a huge “wow” factor or are that unusual, which is actually a shame, given how much respect I have for a standout title! Probably the coolest/the one that needs the most explanation is Those Binary Stars, and I’ve explained that before - the short version being that I wasn’t exactly the one to come up with it (thank you, Russ Lewis). Still Here is my post-canon Continuum fic, and I still quite like the simplicity of the title. It started out as Still Breathing, mostly because I was listening to that Green Day song pretty obsessively when I wrote the story in early 2017. I did like that, but I’m not huge on borrowing song lyrics for titles (certainly not ruling it out, though), and it was a little more... dramatic, I guess? - than I was going for. Still Here retained the sense of frustration and loss, while being a bit tamer and more, idk, practical, maybe. All of these people are “still here” in 2015(ish) after Kiera left, and they’re the ones who have to pick up the pieces without her - yet at the same time, they’re “still here” in a hopeful sense, surviving and making a better world with the knowledge of what to change.

#secretariatess #personal #writer probs: fanfic edition #endeavour #continuum

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cinnbar-bun · 6 years

Text

RFA + V+ Saeran Acting As a Guardian to Teenage! MC

A/n: Have some headcanons to soothe the pain I just caused

Under the cut since it’s a long one! MC is about 16 in this one!

Also: might include some spoilers!!!

Yoosung

Finally, he wasn’t the youngest anymore!

He was so excited to meet you and honestly he was all sunshine and rainbows as he talked about how you were like a little sibling to him

So gushing and doting, he’s more of an older sibling than a parental figure, but he still does it so well

Always brags to his guildmates he has the best sibling ever, and he will fight (and lose horribly) to anyone who tries to say otherwise

Very concerned over you since you’re so young and caught up in the RFA’s mishaps.

So proud of anything you do, even getting out of bed makes him cheer for you

Always cooks for you, anything you want, he’ll make for you.

He won’t admit it until he’s at his worst- when the depression and the grief from losing Rika really gets to him- but he looks up to you. He kinda gets jealous of how young and talented you are (even if you don’t think so), and wishes to become better so you have someone actually worthwhile to look up to (in his mind).

He doesn’t seem to think that you like him, he still assumes he’s a bit of a nuisance and someone else could be better. You however, love him a lot and value his presence in your life. You don’t think you would’ve been as motivated without his help!

Sometimes he can get a bit irresponsible and you need to drag his butt to bed so he doesn’t game so much.

Taking care of you has been a roller coaster for both of you, but he still feels a lot better since you’re here. He has cut down on his bad habits and has slowly grown from his past issues.

If you talk about how you’re going on a date, he’ll cry.

“Waaaaaahhhhhh!!! How are you going on dates before I am????”

He’s supportive though, and makes sure your date actually cares for you. Probably the only one on this list you don’t have to worry about when saying you’re seeing someone

Zen

Okay so the first moment you met him on the messenger, you flipped out.

“ZEN??? AS IN THE ZEN???? JDSFJNAJGNLSJN OH MY GOD CAN YOU STEP ON ME?????”

Jaehee also feels you but outwardly tells you to relax

He goes full on dad mode. He immediately checks himself and everyone else, anything above a ‘g’ rating and he’s flipping out. No more flirting, no more swearing, no more smoking, he’s gotta be a father figure somehow.

Once he cools down, he finds that his paternal instincts come naturally. He is very easy to talk to and is easily your biggest supporter. He wants you to feel confident in yourself and see that he’s got your back no matter what happens, something he didn’t have growing up.

If you say you wanna act or join theater (especially if it’s because of him) he’ll just cry. He’ll sob about how his ‘child’ is the most precious thing in the world.

He’s a straight up PTA dad afterwards, always going to your school when he can and checking up on you.

All the mothers and teachers try to hit on him but he ignores them because his shining little star is there

He goes to all of your shows, all of your concerts, ANYTHING that involves potentially watching you do something, he is there in a second.

After anything, whether you give a speech or a finished a performance, he’s there with a large bouquet of flowers. He’s so proud of you and he feels so enthusiastic about you.

His narcissism drops about 200% because now he’s focused on you. His phone is full of pictures of you and your accomplishments, and after anything he makes sure to say it in the RFA messenger.

He’s really easy to have a heart to heart with because you’re his precious little angel and he’s just as (if not more) emotional as you.

HOWEVER!!! DO NOT!! I REPEAT!!! DO NOT MENTION DATING!!! THIS MAN WILL GO WALK UP TO WHOEVER YOU LIKE/DATING AND WILL GO INTO A FISTFIGHT WITH THEM.

He screams when you mention guys- ‘MEN ARE WOLVES!! THEY ARE HORRIBLE!! THEY ARE DISGUSTING DO NOT EVER DATE!! YOU ARENT ALLOWED TO DATE UNTIL IM DEAD AND YOURE 80!!’

Jumin

So, let’s cut to the chase, you REEALLy liked the fact Jumin was rich.

“Wow, so I DON’T have to starve everyday???”

Jumin is...not the most emotional at first. He is just getting used to having to take care of you so it will be a while before he opens up.

Jumin is great for when you want to rant or need to blow off steam. He doesn’t say anything and just listens to you. However, it’s horrible when you want emotional/physical comfort.

He tries, he really does, but since he grew up so detached with his emotions he immediately thinks you’re dramatic. It isn’t until Jaehee (and perhaps Zen too) step in and say how he can’t keep brushing off your feelings

So, he decides to try even harder and understand the enigma that is a teenage mind.

It’s difficult as shit

After a while, he begins to learn all your cues and patterns, and understands what you want when you need it. He can read you like an open book now and knows when he should give you space or step in and comfort you.

He’s actually really good at it

He is always pampering you to the extreme. You watch tv and muse, “cool... there’s a new video game out.” and forget moments later, he immediately walks in with over a hundred games and pre-ordered, deluxe gold editions of them.

He is the prime example of a father figure at this point, and all your friends get jealous.

He only gives you the best and will settle for nothing less. You are practically his own child at this point and like HELL is he gonna give you anything he discerns as not worthy.

He likes taking you out for nice strolls after you beg ask for you two to hang out. You always get excited at seeing a simple cafe or mannequin with a cute outfit, and he wonders at how nice it must be to be so innocent

Plenty of outlets had contacted him about you, but he makes sure your privacy is secure. He doesn’t want anyone taking advantage of you or getting too personal

But they do manage to capture snippets of you two walking, and some misunderstandings have occurred due to it

“Jumin Han is dating a minor!”

“Jumin Han has child after affair with mistress!”

He gets fed up with the rumors and explains right away that you are NOT his lover, and you are NOT his actual child. He lies and says you were the child of a good friend of his, because explaining what actually happened would be weird

He is one of the worst when you say you’re dating someone. He will hound his security guards to watch EVERYTHING you to do, and he WILL have 707 do a background check on whoever you are going out with.

“What are they doing?” “Uhhh...they’re eating.” “What about now?” “Still eating sir.” “Are his hands visible?” “Yes sir, he’s using them to eat a burger.” “B-burger? Where are they at?!” “McDonald’s sir...” “What kind of lousy date is this, why did (Y/n) accept this, does he think he’s good enough for my child with his peasant lifestyle???” “Sir...they’re 16????”

All in all, he’s trying to be a good father figure and guardian that he never really had growing up. But he’s so prideful at seeing how much you mature, and even though he’s blunt sometimes, he hopes you understand he loves you a lot.

He also tries dad jokes, but they’re so weird because obviously he rehearsed it and he says it so stoically that it makes it even funnies.

Jaehee

Jaehee is a sweet woman, and she is like your best friend and mother rolled into one.

She is so caring and considerate of your feelings, and is your number one supporter.

She may seem kinda stand-offish, and kind of annoyed because she’s already incredibly busy now she has to take care of someone else and-

Whoops now she’s in the PTA and runs it like a damn boss. She is all over your studies and fights the faculty if she feels the school is not running in tip top shape.

She gets exhausted a lot, as Jumin isn’t exactly the easiest boss to work for.

It was kind of hard at first, sometimes she wouldn’t come home until way after midnight, and she’d see your body passed out on the couch with a note on the table about how you tried to make her dinner.

Even though it wasn’t the best, knowing you tried so hard to stay up for her as well as cooking for her made the food taste even better than anything a five star restaurant could have made.

So she tries to make it up to you in any way she can. She’ll pick you up your favorite movie or snack on her way home, or even little cute gifts that reminded her of you.

She writes down any information she knows about you, and makes sure to write about your friends and teachers so she can keep up with you.

She gushes about Zen a lot, and you were a fan too, so you both would binge watch his movies and clips of him. ANY piece of media involving Zen was devoured by you two.

You two were constantly picking each other up and giving gifts, and when it was Jaehee’s birthday, you wrote her a letter about how much she meant to you and even got Zen to sign a poster for her!

It was also the first time you called her ‘mom’, and even though the Zen poster is proudly hung up in her office, she can’t help but smile at how you called her that.

She is a huge advocate of following your dreams. She does complain about how awful it is to work for Jumin sometimes, so she hopes to god you do something you love.

You also convinced her to start her own cafe! You helped her as much as you could, and she was just...so ecstatic.

Jaehee is easy to talk to, she is always prepared with good advice and comforting words.

Probably the second easiest to talk to about dating. She is hesitant at first because one, you’re young and stupid, and two, she just doesn’t trust people.

707/ Saeyoung

Okay, everyone in the RFA was hesitant to allow him to take care of you. They trusted him when it came to his work, but this was an actual human being. He could hardly take care of himself, how would he even take care of you???

Surprisingly, he’s an awesome guardian

A lot of them didn’t believe it at first and they were like ‘blink twice if he isn’t feeding you’ but you shrug and insist he’s great

He’s very nurturing and protective of you, and he sort of sees this as a second chance to make up for when he couldn’t help his brother.

He’s really good in the fact that he’ll allow you your space to grow, but he will step in if you’re out of line or in trouble

Will NOT hesitate to ruin someone’s life if they dare hurt you. He’s got connections and the prowess and like hell is someone gonna make his child cry.

Saeyoung is still as corny and crazy as he is in the chatroom, but in these instances with you, he means it a lot. He does anything he can to make you smile, even if it means he’d get hurt.

He is a lot calmer though with you, and his parental instincts kick in a lot more. The RFA was shocked to see him actually change some of his poor quality of life skills as a means to be a better guardian to you.

When he needs to go on a mission, he entrusts Jumin or Vanderwood to take care of you.

He never tells you about those dangerous missions, he only says he’s going to be at a conference out of the country.

He always makes sure to get you a souvenir or gift when he comes back from those trips.

Joy rides in his cars!! He loves to take you to the beach or sightseeing whenever he can.

He stills eats poorly, but it really makes him melt when you offer him some dinner you cooked for him. He started screaming and Yoosung (who was on the other end of the phone call) felt his ears bleed.

He gets so excited for your cooking, like he stops his work just to take a bite of your grub.

He hacks to get movies that weren’t even released to the public yet so you both could watch it on your downtime. He’s a hardcore softie though and you still have yet to see him shut up or not sob all over you as you two watch.

“You’re getting snot on me!!!” “I’M sorry it’s just....oh my god how could this even happen??????”

You accidentally called him ‘dad’ one time and he lost it. He was jumping for joy and hugging you in a death grip, screaming, “IM A FATHER!!!!!”

Oh and he will definitely not pass up the opportunity to make some Star Wars references.

You can’t hide anything from him. He tries to not be snoopy but holy shit you did not know just how far he’d go when it came to keeping tabs on you.

By the time he was done he knew the name of your first grade crush, an incident where you kicked your own self, and how old you were when you got your first cavity.

Likewise, he will already know if you’re crushing/dating someone. He’ll pretend he doesn’t know, but secretly do a background check.

OKay so this definitely happened on your first date out with your crush, you two went out for milkshakes when your phone started sounding like Saeyoung’s voice.

“HEY YOUNG MAN BOTH HANDS ON THE TABLE NOW!!!”

You both started SCREAMING and had to be told to shut up by the staff because what the hell, your phone was talking!

You screamed at him later on to mind his damn business

And god help whoever you were dating if they hurt you.

This man will go ballistic and start hacking their things like a crazy psycho

“DONT WORRY, GOD SEVEN WILL FIX THIS!!!!”

But seriously, this man adores you to the bottom of his heart. He’s made many mistakes in the past, but you will sure as hell not be another one of them. Anything you ask of him, he’ll gladly do!

V is a great guardian for those who don’t like pressure or stress. He’s so soothing and relaxing.

Hardly will ever raise his voice at you, and he practically never gets angry at you

He can’t see that well, but he seems to have a sixth sense that just makes him know where you are and when you are in danger.

He likes taking you out to more scenic ventures, maybe even get you into photography as well!!

He has so many pictures of you, you are like his favorite subject

He even made an exhibit just based on you, and after that, he got a lot of calls about who you were. He made sure they know that you are basically his child

He feels incredibly guilty you had to go through this whole mess. He really wishes nothing bad would happen and you just didn’t have to get involved, but you always encourage him and say you don’t mind, you met him because of it!

He melts and cries a bit later on

If you call him ‘dad’ he gets so happy, like he finally feels like he actually did something right for once

But occasionally he doubts himself and can get kinda stand-offish in fear of how he might hurt you later on

He doesn’t make the same mistakes this time, and he makes sure you can get the help you need. He’s not gonna allow you to hurt yourself or others, and he won’t enable negative behaviors.

He doesn’t talk about Rika to you. That was one of the worst moments in his life, and he thinks you’ll hate him because of it.

You don’t- and he wonders what he did to deserve you

V is not an idiot. He may be partially blind but oh honey, he WILL know if you are dating someone. Don’t ask how, he does.

He’s chill about it, but makes sure you understand what you are getting into. He’ll sit you down and start questioning you or your date’s intentions

It’s a side effect from his past with Rika, he doesn’t want you hurt, nor does he want you to hurt someone else.

He makes you have clear and concise boundaries

He’ll let you do as you please, just please, for everything holy in this world, let him know where you are and be back before 10.

If you get into a bad breakup he’s there to comfort you but also calls 707 to use his special skillset

I feel like V would use a lot of dad jokes. Like he doesn’t even know where it comes from and he’ll just say one, and 707 flips out.

Overall, just a calm dude who really loves you a lot. You’re allowed to grow and be your own person, but within some boundaries. He’ll stop at nothing to keep your smile.

Unknown/ Saeran

Okay so... he feels weird. You’re a child. A damn child.

He gets very conflicted because he gets flashbacks of how he was taken at a young age

He starts off as incredibly scary, staring you down to make you fear for your life, but you notice right away he’s become...softer

If anything, now he feels guilty. You were nice to him, even though he did all these things to you...

Saeran becomes a guard dog to you, watching over you like a hawk.

As thanks, sometimes you would make him sweets

He loves them a lot, they’re now his favorite things

Pretty soon, a friendship begins to form, and then a feeling of guardianship over you.

He’s noticeably a lot nicer and softer to you, he’ll be cussing out his brother in one moment but then if you ask him for something, he’ll stop and bend down to your level and answer you.

Saeyoung finds this incredibly hilarious and nice

Saeran feels a lot better having you around. He feels a lot safer and happier, and knowing that you are safe and happy makes him even more excited.

He likes gardens, so he takes you to them a lot, and he even decided to start one with you

On special days, or days when you are feeling down, he’ll get you a special bouquet of flowers with different meanings to cheer you up!

Baking is also a special hobby between you two. Sweets in general are where you two bond, so occasionally you two go out and try different sweet shops, cafes, or parlors.

You two always rank your fave desserts and places

Do not, I repeat, do NOT tell him about/mention/ or even THINK of dating. He’ll probably beat the crap out of whoever you’re dating because, ‘they are not worth it’

Very strict and will throw hands with anyone checking you out- he’s like an angry dog

Oh dear, if your date makes you sad or upset they will be dead. Saeran will take no shit if they made you frown, and they better start praying for their safety.

You and Saeyoung have to hold him back before he murders your date

He still has his anxious moments where his past may catch up and he’ll freak out, but you are one of the few that can easily coax him out of it. He’d never hurt you at all

If you refer to him as ‘dad’ I think he might feel his heart flutter but also feel nervous...what if he becomes like his dad? What if he hurts you or can’t protect you?

He’ll definitely teach you self-defense but Saeyoung will step in when he tries to teach you how to use a pistol because ‘SAERAN THEY’RE 16, DO NOT DO THAT!!!!’

He has his days when he’s more lax about you, but also has days when he’s breathing down your neck

It’ll take him a long time to be considered a ‘good’ guardian, please be patient, and gently let him know how he should improve.

He’s not good at dealing with your emotions. All he knows how to do is punch whatever made you feel sad, but he quickly learns he can’t do that, and takes advice from all the RFA to help you.

You can fight me but he probably has bought some guidebooks or pamphlets to try and learn to take care of you, and he’s LOST.

“So to comfort them, I hug them...then ask how they’re feeling? Okay, but then it says they might want space? So how do I know? IT DOESN’T EVEN SAY WHEN! WHAT THE HELL? WHAT A WASTE OF MY DAMN MONEY!” He chucks it across the room before promptly picking it up and trying to read it again

He sees a lot of shows and tries to do stereotypical ‘family’ things, but quickly realizes that neither of you are enjoying it and he breathes a sigh of relief because holy hell that made him so uncomfortable.

You both are pretty blunt with what you feel so you’re both on the same page, and try to work it accordingly.

Okay on occasion he’s got you outfits that are similar to his so you both can match and he loves it so much

The most awkward dad jokes. EVER. You’ll be like, ‘hey I’m hungry’, and he’ll remember that he read on a parenting website that dad jokes make your connection stronger or something, so he’ll murmur, ‘hi hungry, I’m dad’. You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry because he was in physical pain after saying that.

You both got a lot to work on, but he tries. Really. And he’s so happy he met you, and he’ll make sure you grow up with a better childhood than he did. Nothing is too big or too small for him to do.

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger x reader #mystic messenger imagines #platonic #707 #yoosung #jumin han #kim yoosung #luciel choi #jumin #zen #jaehee #saeran #ray #v #writing #headcanons #long post

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writingsofmyimagination · 6 years

Text

My Prince

Summary: You couldn’t think of a better surprise for Xmas.

This was part of the BTS Smut Club Secret Santa Project! :)

It was lots of fun to do something different.

Jimin x Reader One Shot

Words:2578

Warnings:Smut ;P(F&M recieving), Oral Sex, Penetration, Swearing, BDSM, Sub!Jimin, Dom Reader, Breath play.

A/N: This is the first dom reader I’ve done so comments welcome. Have a sub Jungkook fic all finished and on the way soon :)

Happy Reading Army

- I hate that I couldn’t be with you today princess, I can’t wait to see you tomorrow xxx – 17:45

You smiled lazily before replying

- I can’t either baby. Have a safe flight Xxxx – 17:47

It was Christmas day and you’d spent it solo. This was only a minor complaint, Christmas is only special when it’s spent with loved ones; most of which were over 5000miles away. A job offer of a lifetime at the Korean National Contemporary Dance Company had you easily swayed to relocate to Seoul and leave your family and friends back in England. Even your boyfriend wasn’t in the country, he’d be flying back tomorrow. You were currently in a taxi on route to the hotel where they guys would be checking into tomorrow before the end of year awards shows began.

The hotel lobby was in a word luxurious. The light grey breccia marble floor finish along with the matching roman like pillars scattered through the room definitely added class. A chandelier had been proudly hung in the centre of the room to welcome guests with elegance, it was bejewelled with diamond shaped cuts of glass or actual diamond you wouldn’t know the difference. You made your way past the extensive waiting area with neatly placed furniture and halted in front of the receptionist desk placing your handbag on top of your suitcase and fished around for your purse.

“Name please” the receptionist asked pleasantly with a smile to match her tone.

“YL/N” you smiled. The tapping of the keyboard began and stopped almost just as quickly.

“Perfect, ID please” your ID was in front of her before she even finished asking for it.

“Thank you” she said before taking it and running it through the electronic scanner. Writing on a small slip of card before she slipped my ID and the card and key over the desk.

“Room 407, elevators just to your left, enjoy your stay, if you have any requests please just let us know” her face was bright and beamed sincerity. Her brightness was infectious and had you smiling back equally as bright

“Thank you so much”.

The hallway walls were surprisingly plain apart from in built lights angled both up and down creating light hourglass beams on the walls, the hourglasses illuminating the way down the corridor, the floor still was mostly covered with a spotless red carpet leaving the marble to only peek out at the sides.

The door opened with a light click. There was a small hallway as you walked in obscuring any view of the actual room. You removed your shoes immediately, half way down the hall way was a half oval table pressed against the wall. Atop of the table was a small Christmas tree neatly decorated with silver and blue tinsel. There was a folded card next to it addressed to you. Wow this hotel was fancy you thought to yourself. After hooking your leather jacket on a peg you picked up the note.

- I wasn’t about to let you spend Christmas alone,

-J

Your excitement blossomed from nowhere upon recognising the handwriting. You curiously walked past the hallway and into a room of beauty.

Directly in front of you was a red mahogany writing desk on top of which was a sprinkling of presents; the desk was pushed up to a floor to wall window which carried on for the length of the room apart from a walled section in the middle. A generously large flat screen TV was attached to the walled section, In the right hand corner were two single armchairs patterned in gold on a chocolate brown background with a small table sat in between. Next to the seating the seating area was a door revealing the further rooms you assumed to be the wardrobe and bathroom. What really drew your attention wasn’t the glamour of the room showered with Christmas decorations nor the breath-taking view of Seoul at night with its sea of lights, like glitter thrown across the whole city. The sight of Jimin on his knees facing the bed, in nothing but his black Calvin Klein’s and a black leather chest harness; one which you hadn’t seen before. It was gladiator style with thicker straps resting over his shoulders, at the back it neatly crossed into an x- shape with a large silver O-ring at the crossroads of the central straps. His head was tilted forward, his soft ash blonde hair hanging obscuring his face.

The battle of lust and awe began raging within you, he was so sweet and had obviously flown back early to spend Christmas night with you but with him so willing to submit and looking like that there was only ever going go to be one victor of that war.

“You do know how to amaze and surprise me Park Jimin” you praised. “So you want to play huh?” you asked, your tone naturally slipping into a dominant tone.

“Yes Noona”

“Well firstly stand up and turn around, I want to see how beautiful you look for me)”

He obediently followed your instructions. The straps ran under his arms over his shoulders and met just below his pecks where there was another ring which joined then and a further piece of leather sat horizontally joining those two O-rings. You bit your bottom bit fully absorbing the view, his eager to please doe eyes, his appetizing pecs and abs and oh my god those thighs.

“Do you like it” he asked shyly waiting for approval of the new harness.

“I love it baby, you certainly know how to spoil a girl” you tugged at one of the rings desperate to have his hands canvasing your skin. Your hands tangled in his hair and naturally made a firm fist, his hands went straight to the curve of your back before slipping down and pulled you even harder against him. You broke contact momentarily and flung off your shirt before attaching to those perfect plump lips.The ache between your legs spiking the instant your skin touched.

“I think you still need your punishment” Jimin looked at you flustered for a moment before realisation swept his expression and dragged his eyes to the floor.

“Tell me again what you did”

“I touched myself without your permission”

“And why did you do that?”

“Because I just needed to feel you so bad”

“Well I think you can lose that privilege today for being such a greedy boy”

“On the bed! And wait” you barked and retraced your route back to your bag and fished out his collar and a long silk black wrap. Your face was a picture of delight, you rarely restrained his hands; losing the ability to have his hands on you was torture for him. The excitement of knowing he was going to be begging and writhing beneath you was exhilarating and everything you wanted.

“Noona!” he whined as his eyes caught a glimpse of the silk.

“Don’t whine! You know what happens when you whine. You did this to yourself” your eyes shot an officious glare in his direction, you teasingly stripped down leaving just an opal blue lingerie set for his eyes. You clambered onto the bed and secured the O-ring leather collar around his neck before you shoved him onto his back forcefully earning a breathy grunt from him. You straddled his waist flexed your finger to the ceiling asking for his wrists. His bottom lip pouted out as he offered his hands to you.

“Good boy, now if you’re loud enough and behave for your noona she might let you cum today” you secured his wrists and shoved them above his head. The thin layer of fabric separating your heat from his boxers was already soaked through with your arousal. This boy affected you ridiculously. A chimera of frustration and lust blew his eyes and pupils wide as he watched you ghost your own fingertips over the swell of your breasts carrying his gaze all the way down dipping your hands under the band of your underwear. A sigh spilled from your lips, your fingers tracing delicate circles around your clit. Jimin huffed in annoyance and dropped his head to the bed with a soft thud. “Eyes on me!”

His cock twitched beneath you, nudging your hips into teasing action.

“These could be your fingers, but you had to misbehave” you breathed “I’m so wet for you”

“Y/N please don’t tease” he whined trying to shift his weight to ease the discomfort of his erection.

You ignored his plea, shifted from his straddling his waist to his thigh. Your hands enclosed around his forearms bringing your face nearer to his purposely avoiding his attention starved lips.

“I’m going to ride your incredible thighs until I’m cumming all over them and you won’t even be able to help” you whispered before catching his earlobe in between your teeth and tugging gently. When your hips starting grinding into the firmness of his thighs you breathed moans which got caught in your throats as you pressed your lips to his demanding his reciprocation which he gave instantly. Your nails dug lightly into his arms as you rode your way to your peak.

“Jimin, ah, you feel so good, I bet you wish I was riding your cock right about now” you panted trying to maintain coherent speech while your head clouded over with ecstasy.

“Ah, I do noona, it’s so hard it’s painful. My cock needs to be filling you up baby” his words in combination with his whiney tone flew you over the edge soaring through your climax, your legs muscles tensing constricting around his thigh.

“You look so sexy when you cum noona, please let me be inside you, please let me cum” he begged desperation mirrored in his eyes beautifully. You sat back and pretended to ponder over his plea.

“If you make me cum with that tongue of yours I’ll give you what you want” you bargained, you was never going to not even though he deserved but it was Christmas and he’d surprised you so sweetly.

“Thank you so much noona, I love how you taste I hate not being able to feel you” he breathed brightly with relief.

“Just be quiet and fuck me with that tongue” you barked yanking his arms over to rest on his front positioning your legs either side of his head.

“Now no touching yourself!” you warned lowering yourself lightly. His tongue lapped up your arousal and cum as if there had been a severe drought, you cried having to stabilise yourself against the headboard, throwing your head down and seeing his eyes, ravenous and focused in front of him. The tip of his tongue teasing your entrance before torturously slowly licking up and taking your clit into his mouth sucking. You tilted yourself into his tongue, normally he’d have his arms locked around your thighs with his fingers digging harshly into your skin.

“I love how good you are” you started, his pace slowed to long precious licks holding you by a thread from falling.

“Don’t tea…” in the middle of your command his tongue stiffened and swept aggressively side to side knocking you into a moaning, pulsing mess. One of your hands shot down to knot amongst his hair as your orgasm dissipated flooding your system with oxytocin.

You climbed off, really focused on not letting your legs buckle from under you. Stood looming over him like a work of art.

“Look at you all frustrated with my cum all over your face” his chin was glistening with his incredible work.

“Tell me what it is want you and noona will take care of it, tell me what you thought about when you misbehaved and touched yourself” you re-joined him back on the bed and slipping of his boxers holding eye contact.

“You riding me” he uttered almost soundless.

“You have to be louder and more specific than that baby” your lips hitched into a smirk as he went to speak and you enclosed your mouth around his tip and swept off the pre cum with your tongue. The desperate whine that escaped his lips crawled viciously down your spine setting off an unforgiving ache at your core; no one had ever affected you like he did, it drove you wild.

“I … I want you to ride me with your hands around my throat, please I need to cum noona” the desperation more evident with each word. You didn’t say a word, you just moved into position and sunk down onto him slowly relishing being filled. His head rolled back along with his eyes and a relieved animalistic groan fighting passed his lips.

“Feels so…good” he breathed

“Is this what you want baby?” your wrapped your hand round his neck, thumb on the right side and your remaining fingers on the left side, you pressed gently on his carotid arteries and simultaneously clenched your pelvic muscles around him. He was so completely lost in you he couldn’t respond straight away.

“oh god yes” he finally panted

“You’re not even going to last long are you, you desperate boy. You still need my permission to cum” speaking was becoming increasingly more difficult for you as-well as you hurried the speed at which your hips oscillated. He wasn’t going to disagree with you, you knew his body like you knew your own and he was doing his best to stop himself. You stilled on him, sensing his impending release. He grunted and groaned in protest and total frustration. You gave him a few seconds to compose his breathing, the thin layer of sweat across his forehead now held strands of his hair captive in its moisture. You resumed your movement but you kept it agonizingly slow to not send him or you for that matter past the point of control; still alternating loose and tight grips around his throat.

“Noona…fuck!...please” he hissed

“That’s pathetic, I know you can beg much better than that” you panted.

“Noona, please let me cum, you feel too good, please ride my cock until I’m crying out your name, I want your pussy clenching around me milking me of everything I have, fuck…please noona I can’t” his voice wavered, sounding like a radio station whose connection has started to have frequent drop outs. His desperate appeal had your core bursting, wanting to avalanche but you maintained control by a thread.

“Fuck, I love how you beg!” you untied his hands teetering on the brink, pinned his hands under yours at the side of his head “Cum for noona” you managed in between desperate gasps for air, before you started your started movements his hips bucked harshly slamming himself into you hurriedly chasing his own pleasure. You clenched your muscles around him voluntarily dragging him into release, his face an image of beauty, pleasure etched into every inch of it. His head rolled back against the bed “Y/N” he cried, a tear raced down his face. You fell off the edge joining him in filling the room with moans and sharing in his breathlessness.

“Thank you baby, happy Christmas” he panted gratefully, he mustered the energy to comatose you with the sweetness of his smile. You chuckled lightly, kissing his forehead like it was a precious gemstone.

“Merry Christmas my prince, I’ll go run a bath and give you one of my massages”

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