#wow by the end I really bummed myself out
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Hi, I was the one who asked if you still write. For supernatural, I was wondering if you could write early season sam ( season 1-2) smut with sam going down on the reader and riding ( you don't got to if you don't want to I was just wanting some more early season sam smut)
༉‧₊˚. 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞? || 𝐬𝐚𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫
― pairing: sam winchester x plus size lawyer!reader
― summary: sam calls you to bail dean and him out, but you have to let him know that your services come with a price.
― warnings: another pwp!! there's a little plot in the beginning but not really, referenced past sexual tension, mentions of past drunk driving (don't do this), cigarettes, alcohol, but no one's drunk, a lot of banter, dry witted reader, kissing, stripping, oral sex (f rec.), come swallowing, pocket condoms (be smart), switch r and sam, no one's really in charge, riding, protected sex, dirty talk, hints at sam having a praise kink, i don't make the rules, a lot of consent because that's key!! and a cute ending to once again, tie this up into a nice little bow!
― wc: 2941
⋆ a/n: okay these word counts keep getting crazier and crazier, but it's been so long since i've written for any of my supernatural boys so i let myself get carried away!! i really wanted to capture how sassy early seasons sam was, and so i paired him up with a no nonsense, badass lawyer!
masterlist | AO3
“We really have to stop meeting like this.” You remark as you enter the interviewing room that Sam was being held in at a police station.
“You know I wouldn’t have called you here if I had another option.” You wave off his apology, sitting down across from him and placing your briefcase on the table. “It’s fine, but I want to talk about these charges.”
You grab out his file and lick your finger before flicking through it. “It says here you’re being charged with breaking and entering as well as trespassing. You’re lucky it’s only these.” You chide and look up at him from over the paper.
You and Sam have… history. It’s a bit blurry how your allyship came to be, but you’re the only one that knows of the creatures that lurk in the dark, the ones that Sam and Dean fight so vehemently against to keep unknowing bystanders safe. It’s chivalrous and really fucking reckless.
“It’s a good thing I got the best lawyer around then, huh?” He says with a smile. You raise a brow at his brazen suck up. “Yeah, yeah, keep your sweet talking to yourself, Winchester, and I’ll see what I can do, yeah?” Sam laughs but nonetheless does a lip zipping motion.
“Fuck I need a drink.” Dean cruses as he pushes the doors to the police station open. He holds it open for you and Sam to exit.
“I’m not gonna get your ass back out if you get a DUI.” You snip without any heat behind it. “Wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart. I drive the best when I’m drunk.” You roll your eyes, “Wow, that sure does make me feel better.” You turn your head to the six-foot tall man next to him. “Keep an eye on him for me, will you?”
“Wait, you’re not staying?” Sam asks with furrowed brows. “No? Why would I?”
“Because drove all the way out here to bum fuck nowhere to help us out. The least you can do is let me treat you to a beer or something.”
You stare at Sam for a moment and weigh your options: while staying does sound very, very tempting, you know the WInchester’s aren’t any good, and being around them is like signing a death sentence. On the other hand… it was rare that you ever really got to see them, and they were old friends. They’ve gotten you out of a pickle once or twice.
“Sure.” You finally reply with a shrug, and Sam lights up.
“Well hop in, sweets, I’m driving.” Dean whistles before ducking into the driver's seat. “Not for long!” You yell back. “After you,” Sam gestures to the backdoor that he has now opened. “What a gentleman.” You say dryly.
“Why of course.”
Drinks are uneventful to say the least.
Your body has a nice buzz going, the bar stuffy and alive with chatter and the sound of pool balls hitting each other. You light up a cigarette from the box saved for rare events such as this.
“Didn’t know you were a smoker.” Sam says and gestures to the thing hanging between your lips. You just shrug, lighting the thing up before pulling a long drag of it. The burn is nice and familiar, and the relief is comfortable when it leaves your lungs.
“Something else will kill me eventually. Don’t worry though, I don’t do it often. Consider this me… celebrating saving your ass.”
It was just you and Sam at the table, Dean having bounced off somewhere to talk to a busty chick he had spotted at the bar. You just shook your head at his salute stating, “That’ll get old eventually.”
“So, what were you guys investigating anyway? Normal people don’t go jumping over barbed fences to abandoned power plants.”
It was Sam’s turn to shrug, a nail picking at the now damp bear label melting off the glass.
“Heard there were a few blood suckers running around town, and the plant was their nest, but someone,” His eyes flicker over to where Dean is standing, blissfully unaware of the glare being sent his way, “Had to holler like a kicked puppy and fly over the fence while trying to climb over it.”
That manages to pull a deep laugh from you, the image of the big bad, emotionally constipated elder Winchester brother screaming in terror.
“Alright, I admit that I could excuse that.”
“But?” Sam asks slyly.
Ah, there it was, the challenge and tension that always manages to find itself bubbling between the two of you whenever you’re together.
“But, you know my services don’t come for free, pretty boy.” Your eyes flicker up to his, dark and hungry as you take another inhale of the quickly burning filter.
His gazes follow your movements before returning back to yours. “You want a pick of all the fraudulent credit cards we have?”
“Nah,” You begin, snubbing the thing in the ashtray in the middle of the table. “Wouldn’t look good on my record. Plus, I have something different in mind than money.”
You’d never toed the line this closely before, but you were warm and had a nice nice mix of nicotine and liquor buzz flowing through your body, so your apologies if you’re a little loose lipped.
“Oh? And what would that be?” He leans forward on crossed arms, large brown irises burning into yours; playful and mischievous. You could see right through his angelic little brother facade, and you smirked.
“Why don’t you find out?”
The hotel really wasn’t that far of a walk, and when you got inside, Sam was on you, pressing you back into the door and tugging off your blazer.
Your lips were connected into a heated kiss, your own hands found themselves shucking off his brown coat. He was forced to stop touching you so he could take it all the way off and you did the same, left in your white button up and him in a t-shirt.
You met in the middle, walking backwards until the back of his thighs met one of the beds and he sat down. You didn’t hesitate to clamber onto his lap, palms still cupping his face and tongue exploring his mouth. Large fingers dug into your hips, his cock hard and straining beneath the jeans he was wearing.
“You’re a damn good kisser.” You huff against his lips. He smirked, “You thought I’d be bad?”
“Hm,” You hum, “Inexperienced at best.”
“Wow, so little faith in me?” He grunted when you pressed down on him, finally giving him some much needed friction. “Then give me something to believe in.” You breathe.
“Take off your pants.” He demands darkly, and it sends a shiver up your spine. “What’s the magic word?” You want to see how far you could push his buttons. A hand meets your ass in a quick slap before he grips it. “Please?”
“Fuck,” You curse through fluttered lashes. “Okay.”
You get up, pulling off your professional looking trousers to reveal plain black underwear underneath. “Granny panties a turn on for you?” You ask through a small grin. He’s watching you through hooded eyes, leaning back on his hands.
“If you take off my pants, you’d see that we’re matching.”
“Is that so?”
“How about you find out?” Sam reiterates your words from back at the bar and you can help but study him with a tilt of your head. “You're naughty, aren’t you Sammy boy?” He shrugs in faux innocence. “I have layers.”
“I’m seeing that.”
You approach him and gesture for him to lift up his hips, pulling his jeans down and tossing them onto the floor carelessly. Your fingers return to your own shirt, slowly popping the buttons open before the cloth hangs off your shoulders.
“Look at that, my bra matches too.”
He gulps, eyes zeroed in on your breasts. “So it does.” You smile, pulling it off the rest of the way. Sam catches the hint, tugging his t-shirt off. His chest is lean and soft, his stomach tan and the planes off his hips disappear into his underwear, leaving behind a patch of hair sat below his navel.
“Follow the yellow brick road.” You remark unseriously when your eyes land on it. “You’re the worst.” He snorts and it makes you laugh a bit too.
“So, how’s this gonna go? Want me to suck you off?” You ask crudely, and he groans. “God, of course you have to talk like that.”
“I like to get straight to the point, it’s the lawyer in me.” You dismiss and he stands up, approaching you to grab you by your shoulders and whirling you around. He sits you down on the bed before shoving you down gently and you let him.
“I want to eat you out, that’s how this is going to go.” You raise a brow, but backup on the mattress to lay your head on the pillows. “Do you have to talk like that?” You reiterate. “Of course,” He says as he crawls up the duvet to lay between your thick thighs. “It’s the hunter in me.”
“I see how it is.” The banter between you feeds the need twisting in your stomach. You let your legs fall apart so he can fit your knees over his shoulders. “Oh trust me, you will.” You snort, “Make that mouth useful, yeah?”
His gaze burns but he listens, licking at your clit over the cotton. You gasp, fingers tangling in his hair to just hold his head against you as he takes in your taste. Your eyes flutter closed, allowing yourself to get lost in his wet tongue.
“Mmf.” You moan through your lips that you had rolled between your teeth. You were sure your panties were soaked, and your heels pressed into his back.
“God, Sam… please, don’t tease.” You weren’t above begging, tugging at his hair to emphasize your plea. “Lift your hips up for me.” Heavy hands trace themselves from your hips down to the hem of the underwear where he proceeds to drag them down your thighs before he reluctantly pulls away to rid you of them completely.
He’s not gone for long, because he reconnects his lips to your bare, wet pussy, tongue diving between your folds to drink in your arousal. Your moan comes out in a loud shout, thighs tightening around his head and flatten over his ears.
“Gah – Oh fuck!” You swear, back arching and hips jumping. He holds them down, pinning you to the mattress and eating you out in abandon. His eyes are closed, brown tresses falling in his face as if he’s getting lost in you.
You have no idea where he learned all this from, but if his teeth scraping ever so slightly over your sensitive clit, she must’ve been good. A hell of a woman. You’d love to meet her.
“Yes, yes, just like that – Good…” You choke when one of his long fingers join into the mess, “Good fucking boy.” Surprisingly, Sam moans at the praise, and you loll your head to the side to see that he’s grinding his own hips down onto the covers.
“Always knew you were a freak in bed.” You breathe, head falling back. He goes to remove his mouth to respond but you hold him there, “No, no, don’t please. ‘M so close.” He listens but his sucks gets harsher, and one finger turns into two.
Your body spasms with each coordinated brush and press on your g-spot.
“‘M fuck – ‘m cumming.” You cry out, body crunching up to chase and run away from the pleasure at the same time. You let out a mantra of little yes, yes, yes’s until your body goes lax and he pulls away.
“Holy shit.” You huff, staring up at the popcorn ceiling in order to ground yourself. “Told you so.” Sam sasses back and you look down to glare at him. “Just give me a sec.” You pant.
“We don’t have to keep going if you’re too tired.” Sam says and rubs comfortingly at your skin. “If you think some head is what’s going to take me out, you’ve got another thing coming.”
“Alright, alright.” Sam raises his hands in defeat and you chuckle at him.
“Since I came first, how do you want me? I’m fine with whatever.” He thinks about it for a moment before gesturing over to the pillows. “Ride me?” He spares a glance down to your shaky legs. “Unless you can’t keep yourself up.”
“Shut up and get against the headboard.”
“So romantic.” “Uh huh.”
You’re coming to learn that sex with Sam is really fun; he’s a giver, and he’s playful and he isn’t afraid to bite back.
He situates himself with his back on the pillows, legs splayed out in front of him so you can sit on his thighs easier. Considerate.
“Can I take your bra off?” You raise an eyebrow at his question. “I never pegged you for boob guy.”
“I enjoy a nice woman, sue me.”
For the first time that night, you truly blush at his words, hiding your flustered face by focusing on reaching behind you to take the damn thing off yourself. You toss it somewhere once your breasts fall free.
“Fuck me.” Sam breathes, hands reaching up to grab at them. Your nipples harden under his palms as he fondles them. “Having fun?” You ask in amusement. “Maybe.” He responds and you snort and roll your eyes.
It seems as though you’re the only one that remembers what you came here for because you tug his underwear down and tap his hip. He lifts them up and soon enough he’s bare beneath you.
“Shit wait,” Sam curses and reaches over to rummage around until he finds what looks to be Dean’s wallet. “Dean left his wallet here?” You question. “Yeah, but don’t worry, I paid off whatever was on the tab before we left.”
He digs around until he finds a condom.
“Is that thing any good?” You ask in uncertainty. “Yeah, I saw him put it in here this morning. When asked him about it he said ‘You always have to be prepared for everything, Sammy.’” You laughed, shaking your head.
“Good thing your brother is a manwhore and forgetful.” You tease and Sam just shakes his head in fond exasperation.
He rips the thing and rolls it onto his hardened cock before lining it up with your entrance; you place your hands on his shoulders. “Are you still good?” You nod. “I’m still good.”
With that, he helps you sink down.
The stretch isn’t all that painful due to the previous foreplay, but it still leaves you breathless as he fills you up. It’s a bit overwhelming, because you don’t have sex often, and though you can feel Sam twitching in an attempt to keep himself still, he helps you settle.
You rotate your hips in a lazy swirl and Sam chokes, his grip on your waist tightening.
“You can move.” You whimper and he doesn’t hesitate to lift you up and down a few times before meeting you halfway.
You settle on a slow rhythm at first before you work in tandem; once you go down, he comes up. Your clit brushes his pelvis ever so often that sends electric sparks through your veins.
“Faster.” You request through a mewl. “I got you, baby, I got you.” He reassures. Sam bends his knees, planting his feet firmly on the bed before fucking up into you. His tip hits your g-spot so hard it punches the air out your lungs and the moan you let out is whorish.
“So… so good. Sammy baby. Fuck –” You ramble, your mind fogging over as he takes the reins on both of your pleasure. His jaw is set tight, the vein in his neck bulging. “You’re so tight, God, I’m not gonna last long.”
“That’s okay.” You gasp out. “Use me, I don’t care.” You could have sworn you heard Sam whimper at your words.
He pounds into you uncontrollably, the sounds of wet slapping reverberating throughout the small hotel room. It’s hot, admittedly so, the room reeking of sex, sweat, and dust. It’s a strange combination, but one that you welcome as you near your end.
“I think… I think I’m gonna cum again.” You hiccup. You dig the pads of your fingers into the meat of his shoulders and one of the hands that were holding your waist slips between you to rub at your swollen clit.
Tears fall down your face at the overstimulation, and you clench down onto him uncontrollably.
“Gonna cum too.” Sam rasps.
You work together to achieve your orgasms, and when you do, it’s beautiful; you lose yourself to the moment, letting the white hot burn of the sensation shake you. Everything is murmured for a moment before you open your eyes, and you must have fallen forward because all you can see is the wall in front of you.
Your insides are remarkably warm so Sam must’ve cum too.
You both bask in each other’s presence for a moment.
“Was that good enough payment?” Sam asks cheekily. “Hmm,” You hum, grabbing a piece of hair and twirling it between your fingers. “I could always take twenty bucks. Gas isn’t cheap, you know.”
“How about food? That’s the best I can do.”
You smile, “You asking me on a date, Winchester?”
“Maybe. If I was, would you say yes?”
“If the food’s any good then maybe.”
“God, you really are the worst.” Sam snorts and you laugh, full bellied.
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// My first OOC post , wow ! Just want to apologize for the random silence between both of my blogs . As much as I'd love to open up on CTM(Climb the MT)'s blog, I feel like there are fewer eyes here. . Not in a mean way of course . But anyways , I guess I got pretty caught up in life , if that's the right way to word it . I don't want to delve into much of my personal life , but I suppose it should be known I have very bad depressive episodes ( I think ? That's what I've been calling them. . . )
Those usually end with me being burnt and bummed out for a while ( which is what happened for a bit ! ) And that'll mean less ask answering. . . I swear , I never like to leave you guys hanging , but it's really hard to drag myself out of that mindset. . . ! All I ask is you're patient with me , even if I'm not one of those big creators with actual busy schedules. <3 !!
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A Race Against Time (Raunchy Races)
NEW CHAPTER OUT! EP19 Pt2 (Day 14, Part II)
SUMMARY: The Islanders take part in a Raunchy Challenge. This afternoon, both villas will complete a series of saucy challenges. The Villa that has the most points at the end will win the party tonight. Doubts are rising as the Casa Amor boys and girls lay it on factor 50 with the original Islanders. Tensions begin to rise as loyalties are put to the test.
“Islanders, prepare for the competition to heat up as you go head-to-head with the other Villa in a series of mini-challenges. The winning Villa will be treated to a cocktail party this evening. #turninguptheheat #allvillanofiller #villavsvilla”
Challenges include: (CA) Casa Amor | (MV) Main Villa
The shortest girl must kiss the tallest boy. Go! (CA- Marisol | MV- Siobhan)
The first two islanders to share a kiss underwater! Go! (CA- Elijah | MV- Ibrahim )
The oldest girl and youngest boy must do six different sex positions (CA- Felix | MV- Ibrahim )
Boy gives a girl a lap dance. (CA-Kassam | MV- Noah )
Kiss a girl for thirty seconds (CA- Carl | MV- Lucas )
Boy gives a girl a piggyback around the lawn (CA- Arjun| MV- Gary)
One girl must plant 20 lipstick kisses on the boy with the most tattoos. (CA- Lottie | MV- Alana)
Girl makes a boy into a blushing beauty (CA- MC | MV- Bobby)
Every islander has to suck the toe of another islander!
TEASER... In the Beach Hut, Islander interviews:
BH Lucas: “It’s a perfect icebreaker to sort of get the boys a bit more loose and a bit more comfortable.”
BH Grace: “In this environment, everyone’s like, ‘We gotta win,’ And when you’re thinking there’s a new group of girls back with our guys back at the Villa, like, I’m not gonna let them win.”
BH Gary: “I couldn’t work out who was the shortest girl. I’m thinking, ‘Fucks sake.’ Is it Grace, Marisol, or Chelsea?”
BH Ibrahim: “The other villa has no chance. We are gonna collect the W! (He makes a ‘W’ with both fingers.)
BH Siobhan: “Yeah, I used to be a gymnast. So I’ve got some serious arm strength.” She flexes and laughs.
BH Felix: “She spun me around, and put me on the floor, said 69. So, I had a lot of bum in my face, and, you know, for the game, I enjoyed it. So no complaints. I’ve been in worse places.”
BH Alana: Alana, still smiling from the memory, says, “I was impressed, Noah was, like, really shaking it. I was like, WOW.”
BH Kassam: “I’m so stiff. I was like…” He shakes his head. “Doing a robot!”
BH Jakub: “It was actually the most disgusting thing. I couldn’t bring myself to put her whole toe in my mouth. So I just, like, sucked the top of it. I think.”
READ FULL CHAPTER ON A03 and WATTPAD. LINKS BELOW:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/37544638/chapters/146123632
https://www.wattpad.com/1462375665-a-bit-of-me-ep19-pt2-a-race-against-time-raunchy
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@kathaynesart I have a theory/question. You don't have to answer it you don't want to, and if you do you can be as vague as you want, but I need to talk to someone about this.
We see with this this screenshot that project "spear" is only to be activated when the war is lost and there is no one left
We also know due to this screenshot that the weapon in so powerful/destructive that no matter what happens/no matter who wins the war, that the krang will end and won't be able destroy any more planets.
However with this screenshot from the timeline we know that the war is inevitably lost and Casey is sent back in Time.
Wouldn't that mean that after Casey is sent back in time that omega would have activated project spear and likely destroyed everything, including himself.
Does this mean that omega is destined to die at the end. if so, will he brought back or remain permanently dead.
(Wow I've really bummed myself out with this one)
#artists on tumblr#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#rise of the tmnt movie#rottmnt fandom#save rise of the tmnt#rottmnt replica#rottmnt theory
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Those Ocean Eyes
Summary: You were new at school and met a boy while watching your best friend rugby practise. Your friends talk to you about him and you know you shouldn't fall in love with him, but you can't help to.
Pairing: Harry Greene x OC!Fem
Warning: Strong language
A/N: My TikTok is full of that "Ocean Eyes" song (i'm not complaining btw) so I though of doing this :3
Not fair...
I entered through the school gate and someone hugged me. I hugged him back.
"I'm so happy you're here, Luna!"
I smiled
"Yeah, me too!"
"Come here, I will introduce you to the boys"
He took my wrist and we started walking until we reached a table with a group of people sat. They looked at us.
"So, these are Charlie, Elle, Tao, Isaac, Darcy and Tara"
I waved my hand a bit nervous.
"Guys, this is Luna. My best friend"
"Hey! Oh, Nick told us a lot about you" Elle said and she let me sit between her and Tao.
"He did? Bad stuff?"
"Of course" Nick said and I laughed
"And you're like... british? How did you met each other?" Tao asked
"Well... actually we know each other since we were babies" I laughed "Our mums are like... very close friends. We live pretty close"
"And why didn't you came to this school until now?" Charlie asked this time
"My dad's job. When I was like five we had to move to LA, so I went to school there"
"Really? Oh, that's so cool!"
"Did americans treat you well?" Darcy asked "I mean, they're pretty awful sometimes"
"Actually no, they're so sweet. At least they were so sweet with us"
"Oh, wow. So you're like... half american"
We keep talking until the bell rang and we have to go to our classes. At the end of the day Nick came to me.
"Hey, I was wondering... would you like to come to my rugby practise? The guys will be there too"
"Yeah, sure!"
"Great! I'll see you then"
I hugged him and I went to my house. I had lunch and around 5.30 p.m. I heard a knock on my door. I opened it and see Darcy and Tara outside.
"Hey! Nick told us that you were coming to the rugby practise. Wanna come with us?"
"We can wait until you're ready"
"Oh, yeah sure! Hold on"
I went upstairs to my room and put my shoes on. I put some make up and grabbed my handbag. I went downstairs and we leave. We arrived five minutes after and we sat down with the rest of the guys. The players started coming out and going to the rugby field. We started talking about everything when suddenly I watched to the rugby field and saw a boy standing next to Nick and smiling. My heart melted. He was so cute...
"Who's him?" I asked confused
"Who is who?"
"That guy next to Nick"
"Don't you even try it!" Tao shouted
I opened my eyes.
"What?"
"He's the most awful guy in the school. You better don't fall for him"
"I didn't fall for him, I don't even know him" I excused myself "I'm just asking because she like talking to Nick. Are they friends or something?"
"Yeah" Tara said "He's his best friend. But he is like the most homophobic dude out here. And he's like you know, that popular rich guy who actually doesn't even care about anything"
"Yeah, he's like one of those stupid bitches who make girls fall in love with him to bum them out. He's not worth it"
"Oh... I see..."
"So don't you dare to fall in love with him!" Tao said "He's not even pretty, so..."
"He's hot" I said "I mean... he may be an arse, but he's pretty hot"
"Luna!"
"Sorry! I'm not falling... I'm speaking facts"
He rolled his eyes while Isaac smiled watching at him.
"It's not even funny, Isaac"
"It is"
We started laughing and Tao sighted. When it was almost midnight when Harry and that guy came in. They said goodbye to each other and that guy left out, after looking at me. He had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. Fuck...
"Earth calling Luna... are you with us?"
I looked at them.
"What? What happened?"
"You gawp looking at Harry" Tao said
"Who's that?"
"That guy we were talking about... you said he was 'hot'"
"Oh..."
Nick laughed
"You really said Harry was hot? What's your problem?"
"Pipe down, mate, he is"
"So you like Harry?"
"How would I? I don't know him"
"So?"
"And I'm not into homophobic dudes"
"It works for me"
We arrived home and I said goodbye to them. I hugged Nick and I went to my dorm. I lay on my bed and all I can though about was that Harry guy. Shit... I grabbed my phone and looked for Nick's insta. When I found it I went to his followers and search for Harry until I found him. I started watching his insta and God, he was soo hot... I blamed myself for even think about it. I turn my phone off and got to bed. Next day, when I arrived school I sat next to Charlie.
"Hey! How did you sleep?"
"Fine" I said smiling
I looked over to one of the tables and saw him. He looked at me with his ocean eyes... I felt like dying. Then I realized what was actually happening and I couldn't believe it. I excused myself and go to the bathroom.
"This can't be happening! Calm down, Luna, calm down. He is just cute, but you're not falling for him, stop being so dramatic. You can think someone's cute without falling for him, right? And you can think someone had the most enchanting ocean eyes you had ever seen in your whole life without... falling for him, right? Right. We're cool, we're not falling for him and we will never. I can do better"
I washed my face and some tears began to fall down my cheeks. I was enchanted to had those ocean eyes looking at me...
You really know how to make me cry when you give me those ocean eyes
I went to my class and can't help but thinking the whole day about him. Stop it, Luna! At the end of the day I walked home with my friends.
"You know he is one of those bitches who bullied Charlie so hard. And not only Charlie, a lot of people more... and he think that's funny, to pick up on someone for no reason and destroy them just to laugh with his friends"
I looked down without saying nothing.
"You must stay out of his line. I mean, he will have no qualms about destroying you as well is he know you fell f-"
"I DID NOT FALL FOR HIM!" I shouted reaching my door with tears in my eyes "Please, stop saying that! I just said he was cute, that doesn't mean I fell for him! I don't even know him but I don't want to! He's awful, he's an arse, he's a fucking son of a bitch! I will never fall in love with someone like him, for God's sake, I have my principles!"
"Wow, I- I'm sorry..." he said with sadness
"I'm sorry for shouting, I just... I had a bad day, I need some rest. Sorry"
I entered to my house and run to my room. I sat on the floor and cover my face with my hands. I broke down crying. How could I fall in love with such an unpresentable dude like Harry? My legs started to bounced and my vision got blurred. I started shaking and I couldn't stop crying, it was hard for me to breath well. Fuck...
I grabbed my phone and texted Nick.
I'm scared...
Minutes later Nick entered to my room and sat next to me. He grabbed my hand and put it on his chest, while he put his hand on my chest. He asked me to breath with him and I do it. When I was calmed he hugged me.
"What happened, Luna? You scared me..."
"I'm scared..."
"You did fall for him, didn't you?"
I nodded crying and he hugged me.
"Don't worry... it's okay"
"No! It's not okay! He's awful, I can't just fall for him... I'm being unfaith to myself"
"Sweetie... you can't choose who to fall in love with"
"Not fair..."
"I know, but... that's how life works"
"I hate that"
We just keep that way for a long time until I fall asleep. The next weeks were even worse. I was always thinking about him in class, I couldn't even concentrate. I saw him everywhere and he looked at me sometimes with those ocean eyes... In the rugby matches or practises I kept watching at him. I decided to not deny that I had a crush on him for my mental health but I was still feeling guilty for fell in love with him. I get used to over time. I was starting to accept thst I fell in love with him and even if he was mean it was okay. After all, you can't choose who to fall in love with... I was hoping him to bummed me out so I can move on, but I knew it was gonna be hard. I never felt this way about any other guys I have been in love with.
I've never fallen for quite this high, fallin' into your ocean eyes...
Years kept passing, and now I was about to say goodbye to Nick because he was leaving to uni while I had to stay one more year on Higgs.
"CHARLIE SPRING!" Someone shouted
Me and Charlie started looking around until we saw Harry. My mind was about to blow with what we were seeing. Harry came to us dressed in a 12-years-old cheerleader costume. I was so miffed.
"Thoughts?"
Charlie looked at me confused and then looked at him.
"About the fort or about your thighs?"
I smiled to myself
"Both, mate"
"Both are great" Charlie said "Good job. Keep it up"
I didn't know what to think or react, so I didn't say anything at all.
"I knew the skirt was a good decision. I should do this more often"
"Definitely"
I shaked my head. Minutes later we found Nick and Charlie and him started talking about everything, honestly I felt a little left out, but who cares. Suddenly we heard a 'click' and a laugh. We turned around and see Harry holding Nick's camera, I smiled to myself.
"So bloody romantic" he said "I can't believe I'm gonna find a new couple to cockblock at uni"
"Did you literally just pickpocket me?" Nick asked surprised and annoyed
Harry winks and laugh at him before wandering away again. Nick shaked his head.
"He's so irritating..."
I smiled. At the end of the day I hugged Nick, I was going to miss him. I was about to walk back home when I search for Harry with my eyes. I find him looking at me with his bright eyes. He must been crying and I gave him a shy smile, he looked down and looked at me again. He smiled and entered to his bus. I sighted and let a few tears run out my eyes. I smiled again reminding of all the memories I had in the school, and of course he was in all of them, even if it were bad or good memories, he was there. I smiled thinking of my first love ever, he was my first love, even if he doesn't really knows me. Even if we were not able to have a chance together, he will always be stuck here. In my heart.
Those ocean eyes...
Masterlist
#harry greene#harry greene x reader#harry greene imaginas#heartstopper#heartstopper x reader#netflix#fanfic#one shot#imagine#lgbtq
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My friend and her housemates have taken to sunbathing naked/ with very little on in the last couple of weeks because the sun is actually out in England?! They got a complaint through their letterbox from an old couple who live nearby today. (My friend and everyone found it hilarious so it’s ok I’m sending this lol). Anyway! My mind has, of course, managed to link this to Matty somehow. Imagine HIM being the neighbour. Like he’d be like wow I really should NOT look but… that girl is gorgeous… and what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her (is this too Joe Goldberg! Idk! I’m just letting an idea snowball. Ignore it if it’s too creepy!)
good for your friends lol the uk really has been boiling this week! and i mean yes it's bordering on the joe goldberg but you know what!! we'll modify it so it's less like that. thinking about you and matty dating/living together in his house, and you being off work one sunny day while matty has several calls to make and emails to work on; in the afternoon, once the sun has peaked and you've done what you wanted to get done in the house that morning, you put on your little summer dress and grab your book and a sun lounger and inform matty you're off to sunbathe. and he's like "ok darlin', have fun, i'll bring us some drinks out when i'm done with work", and you're like "sounds good" and there's a little smooch before you head outside and make yourself comfy. and it's nicely sunny at first, but somehow the temperature gets even hotter as the day progresses - after an hour or so of sweating in your (admittedly tiny) dress, you think "fuck it, nobody can see in here anyway" and take it off so you're only in your panties, and the relief is instantaneous. matty's wandering around indoors as he chats on the phone, glancing out at you and smiling at how cute and content you look reading; the first time he looks out after you've taken your dress off, though, he literally does a double take because??? his perfect girlfriend is just fully topless in the garden??? shook. and matty tries so hard to tear his eyes away, because a) he knows how hot it is outside and correctly assumes you've done it to cool down, and b) he is literally still on a work call lol. but then you catch him looking and smirk, blowing him a little kiss and stretching far more gratuitously than necessary - immediately, matty's like "you know what mate i think we've discussed all we need to today. have a good weekend i'll talk to you on monday byeeeee" and running outside to perch on the end of your sun lounger like "hi, gorgeous". and you're like "babe i thought you were bringing drinks!", and matty grins like "yeah i was planning on it but then your outfit - or lack thereof, i should say, distracted me"; you roll your eyes, but smile at him, and stand up like "well, i guess i'll go inside myself then", and walk back into the house. matty tears his eyes away from your bum for a second to be like "kitchen's that way, babe" when you turn the opposite way indoors, to which you look back at him cheekily like "i know, i just quite fancy going to our bedroom right now" - matty's by your side immediately, gently slapping your bum like "minx! but i fancy that too lol" <3
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wow!!! that was a year
as I begin to write this post I'm not even sure if I'm going to post it, lmao. I guess it depends on how much of a bummer it turns into. and if it helps me sort out some thoughts, then it won't have been a complete waste of time.
waste, huh...
on one hand, I don't... reaaaally?? want to talk about what's been going on in my life? but on the other hand, there's a part of me that's like "wow, Naem, that makes it sound like you've been struggling with some serious shit, which is straight up not true, do you just want people to feel sorry for you?" and then on the third mutant hand (I have a lot of those, it turns out) there is a different part of me that does acknowledge the way this other section of my brain jumps straight to accusatory self-flagellation is something many people do not, in fact, struggle with
I've been doing remote therapy this year! it's alright. my therapist has some wild ass takes from time to time, and it is perhaps one of my most substantial monthly expenses (note: yes I still live with my parents so, you know, I don't pay rent), but she IS insightful and a good professional so like. I feel, on the whole, it's working out well for me. a-aside from the part where I still can't seem to love myself consistently but unfortunately I don't think anybody else can fix that for me. I just... have to keep working on it.
speaking of therapy, maybe I should tell her in the next session "hey, cool new year, uhhh I keep finding myself thinking it isn't worth getting excited or feeling hopeful for anything because as time goes on there will only be more and more things to be sad about, because everything is finite and loss is a constant, and it's kind of bumming me out?" maybe I should. honestly, that was the thought this post was going to center around initially, but I've found other things to talk about, thankfully.
ah man. heck. I JUST narrowed down the exact thing motivating this post. "the dread I feel when i see everyone on social media post about their Year In Review." so much of this is about the unrelenting passage of time.
not everything is a huge bummer. experienced some good-ass media this year. Hi-FI Rush was really cool, Midnight Mass was so good it got me to watch it three times in spite of how bad I am with horror, Across the Spiderverse was as good as everyone said - speaking of Spider-Man, I think I've come to terms with adopting Curt Connors as a blorbo, which has nothing to do with Spiderverse but is, perhaps, a baby step in the direction of Accepting The Trash I Like. excited for more Jojolands. Jujutsu Kaisen S2 was really fucking good, so much so that I'm afraid no future arcs will grip me the same way. oh yeah, I got really into Will Wood this year, which is a bit embarrassing because his fanbase seems to be composed primarily of teenagers, but hey. sort of circling back around to me needing to accept what I like, I guess.
I've been taking other baby steps, namely towards Drawing More Often. I... have, right?? I know I haven't posted everything I drew, but it was definitely more than, say, two years ago. which is nice. hope I can keep that up or, even better, Do It Harder.
I don't have a habit of making New Year's Resolutions. I do have a couple of wishes, but I'm frankly not sure if they're anything I can control. Financial stability? Well, there are certainly efforts I can make in that direction, as much as I hate even looking at LinkedIn. To stop finding myself trapped in the middle of interpersonal conflict that I care about too much even when it doesn't directly concern me, resulting in weeks of heightened anxiety at a minimum? I think if it were within my power to stop that, I would have already done it, but uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ah man. I should have found a nicer note to end this on. ummm.
I deeply appreciate all of my friends, not only for being generally rad people but also for seeing nice things in me when I can't. This goes quadruple for my girlfriend, who manages to do all that while also struggling with brains that are very mean and unfair to her.
I feel like I said this last year, but I hope I can learn to depend on you all a little less going forward. Not in a "get out of my life you LOSERS" kind of way, but in a "thanks for the support, here, I can stand on my own two feet, so don't worry about lending me another one" kind of way.
#oh yeah guess i should use a certain vintage tag on this post:#my brain malfunctions#glad i remembered that before i took it out of the oven
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The (Re)Adventures of Marzel Amell
Sooooooo ok I ended up binge playing DA:O for the last two weeks. And it might as well have been a blind playthrough because I forgot almost everything ^_^;; Below are Carrinth's Random Observations or Things That Have Happened to Marzel (Redux):
DA armor is still ugly as sin. I'm sorry. Robes 4 lyfe.
Man I tell you, a single Heal spell makes ALL the difference. Especially early on when you don't have money or potions or skillz. Dying less apparently makes game moar fun! SHOCKING.
I have recruited Sten.
I have also recruited Shale for the first time. I love Shale. Shale is best rock. Squish me. (Not really pls don't Shale) DLC ftw!
Sten really, really, REALLY likes my warden this time wtf. His affection is the HIGHEST of everyone, second only to dog. I have no idea how that happened. O_O I just RP-ed Marzel as being very indifferent to Sten. "I'm not here to impress you, bruh." Sten is a tsundere confirmed.
I did the FADE quest. Again. I told myself it wasn't as bad this round and that I'm fine but obviously I'm not fine but you just have to hold it in and my bags are full of junk and I need to sell them bcos I needs the money but I can't leave pls pls let me out LET ME OUT!2111
Wynne talking about what makes an abomination made me have Anders/Justice feels. "If one retains one's humanity, one is not an abomination." 😥
Still bff with Jowan. We bros for life. Alistair didn't like that.
"Teagan! Who iZ dis mAN?" Idk but the second round I really enjoyed her voice-acting. She's a distraught mother close to hysterics. It's amazingly hilarious and compelling! <3
Wait. Wait. I totally forgot about Connor. So wait. We CAN CURE demonic possession??? I thought it was permanent?! No way of saving but death via a pokey sword yadda yadda?? Omg is this one of those 'we could cure you but it's too expensive and you can't afford it' scenarios? IT IS. Poor farmer's kid can't afford a pile of lyrium but if you're the son of an arl? No problem! Whole Circle bending over just to help you. Wow. Goddamn. Chantry/Circle seriously just kill mages because it's the cheaper alternative! >:O
MMmmmm. People say I should save Orzammar for last because it is harder. But. Oghren. But. Difficult. But OGHREN. But BROODMOTHER. DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THE SUFFERING OF DEEP ROADS?! .......... OGHREN. Marzel and friends died a lot. Mostly because I stubbornly wanted my party to consist of Oghren and Shale. That's like, two warriors ugh. We got by. Shale extra conversations were worth it ;)
Got Flemeth's grimoire for Morrigan. Formed a team made only of dude-bros to help Marzel get laid. Which meant they had to make do without any healing or bard song. I named them... the Snu Snu Squad (affectionate). Zevran died almost immediately. (Note: Dragon bum be dangerous position) Marzel stupidly killed his own self with blood magic while throwing his single Heal spell >_> MVP goes to Alistair for keeping alive long enough to whittle away Flemeth's health and died just exact moment Sten landed a killing blow. Grimoire was given and snu snu was had!
Marzel is in weird love triangle where all romancable persons love him. This cannot end well.
Why are there so many Desire demons? Holy crap, with the DLCs I have encountered no less than 4. Were there always this many?? Are Fereldans so horny?
People who challenge MAGES to duels deserve to die... from stupidity. I don't make the rules. You sir, have a pointy stick. Marzel can conjure blizzards and crushing barriers with his fingertips. We are not the same.
MANA CLASH IS OP.
Ok I just read codex that those Wild Sylvan trees are possessed by Rage demons?? Omg. They are Angry Trees. Low-key wanna see Justice fight Angry Trees while yelling about demons.
Haha I missed this game. Now onward to Sacred Ashes and moar stuff I can't remember!
#the return of marzel#ranting about dragon age again after a billion years#marzel amell#Dragon Age Stuff
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DWRW News: 03/30/2024
Happy Saturday, everyone! Today marks the 6-year anniversary since I've started posting about Dimension Walker, Reality Weaver (formerly known as The Dimension Walkers). And, wow— I've come a long way since then, both as a person and as a writer.
While it bums me out that I haven't made as much progress as I would've liked to have made upon reaching this milestone, I'm glad I've encountered all the road-bumps and meandering paths that came my way on this journey of bringing Thea's story to my readers. After all, DWRW is in a completely different place than it was way back when. I'm not only happier with the direction I'm currently going in terms of DWRW's overall plot and character roster, but proud of the world I've created thanks to some silly little fanfic I wrote while in middle school. Thea wouldn't be the protagonist she is today if I didn't take my time and allow myself to go at a pace more beneficial to the story I'm trying to tell. Nor would I have realized how vital it is for the story to give Chrys, Sofia, and Rey the role of co-narrators. These guys are the real heart and soul of DWRW, and I can't wait to see how y'all react to them and their perspectives in The Midnight Thief.
Speaking of the novel— Currently, there are 3 chapters up of The Midnight Thief! I'm not sure when Chapter 4 will be posted, as college is currently kicking my ass since the end of the semester is coming up. Can't make any promises, other than I'll try my best to put out more chapters this year and hopefully post all the rewritten versions of the first 10 chapters of The Midnight Thief!
For now, I hope you have a fantastic day/night! And tell all your friends about DWRW! I'd really appreciate it if you could help me get more readers to see my story. ☺️🙏
Til next time! 💜
~Ari
#dwrw news#dwrw updates#dimension walker reality weaver#dimensionwalkerrealityweaver#dwrw the midnight thief#dwrwthemidnightthief#writers on tumblr#writeblr
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okay, i had to leave farosh and grab my lightroot before she could light up again, but i also got to hit a yiga camp. now i need to figure out how to find kohga OR start looking for those signs. i think the gerudo highlands is both with one stone
got the sign in the highlands! there was actually only one. got four more near hyrule ridge and one in the desert and i think that's it?!
oh no jk two in the desert. rip
bars on the yiga clan hideout from this side (side where kohga fell in botw)...BOOOOO let me INNNNN
cackling. went up to the front door in my yiga threads and this npc thinks im one of them
ok, THIS is what i thought i was doing earlier when i found all those frogs
i wonder what happens if i take off my mask...?
saving first lol
damn i get my ass beat is what lol. it wasnt a hard fight but three guys at once plus all these sages makes for a hectic time
omg theres like stores in here!! lol including a banana store
i like the music as well
all these guys trying to sell me vehicles...whats up with THAT lol
omg the lightning helm!!! "our" sacred treasure THAT BELONGS TO THE GERUDO YOU JERKS...yet another lore breaking moment.........
earthwake technique!!!! yeahhh this is what i got spoiled for. im gonna keep fighting until i get it >:(
i got it that quickly?! but i can keep going for the helm i think...
"if youre this talented you might be a match for link" LMAOOO
oh i see. apparently this thunder helm is a yiga COPY. whatever nintendo
that's that i guess! really didn't take long...i'm gonna hit this chasm and grab a lightroot, then warp back to the tower and take the other chasm to get closer to gerudo town so i can go get kohga
oh damn landed right on top of one
ohhh i can see several more way in the distance...FAR too tempting and also they're in the wrong direction, i gotta book it right now lol before i can look around anymore
ok, down the new chasm, already see a lightroot in the correct direction. i'm coming for his ass
i forgot what it was like when the depths was truly dark. i see lightroots in every direction bc ive never been anywhere close to here. crazy.
man i seriously need to trade in some poes. i've got over 900
MINER'S MASK!!!! cool..............
at least you can use mineru to walk over gloom. i'd be bummed if she wasn't good for SOMETHING
oh hey i can go over 999 poes! what a relief...
oh theres the man himself!!!!
GOOD LORD WHAT IS HE RIDING NOW..........it flies AND has wheels. i want one
god this fucking music fucking slaps
i wish i hadnt killed those yiga earlier...i really want to steal one of their planes now lol. i dont wanna build something myself...
i built a rocket platform, but it's kinda one use only :/
A FUCKING CANNON?? LMAOOO
oh my god i'm eating shit!!!
i'm actually having more fun using the spring in this area to fly up, shoot him in slowmo, and then kick his ass lol
incredible. got him again. this is so fun
oh, this about a weapon again...they're usuaing crystalized charges to replenish something for ganondorf...i bet it's the secret stone
this is the most fun i've ever had in my entire life. i love this dude
it's wild though. same fight, different music, it might feel less fun? score has such an impact...
alright, NEXT UP...the mine under zora's domain. happily i can simply fast travel to this one
SCREEEEAM the super bright headlights are SO good. every time. like those douchebags in the pickups irl
LOLLLLLL I STOLE HIS RIDE!!!!!!
back down he goes. i kinda wish i had done these earlier and spaced them out more...he's a fucking blast. i didn't know there were multiple fights! i figured there was just one rematch and i'd wanna do it near the end/when i got to the gerudo region, lol
oh wow. they found the demon king himself...a bit sinister actually
HEBRA??? oh no.......
oh no wait!!! it's just under rito village, i got that already. whew
a weapon to the demon king...REBORN?? GHIRAHIM??????
i know it's not ghirahim. let a girl dream
omg he's being kinda serious rn...girl...
A MECH????????????
bro. i could be doing a mech fight rn. im not gonna bc i dont like riding the mech but i COULD BE.
WHAT THE FUCJ KIND OF LASERBEAMS ARE THOSE LOL
he put up a shield. guess i have to summon mineru to knock him into the electrified fence...tho i wonder what would happen if you had got this far and didn't have her?!
GOT HIS ASS!
oh man i miss these fights already. soooo fucking good and fun
k......kohga rocket???
OMFG LMAOOOOO I LOVE THIS
TEAM ROCKET IS LITERALLY BLASTING OFF AGAIN,. INCREDIBLE 10/10
ok truly. stellar work. he went down a hole last time and up a hole this time. sorry for saying hole like that
(for some reason i had to break here. apparently there is now a 4096 character limit on text blocks???)
ugh sexy i got so many crystalized charges for doing this...i have GOT to upgrade my battery
nice, i FINALLY started on my second battery meter
swinging by lookout landing to talk to the poe statue but i'm NOT talking to purah. i'm not ready for all that yet
ok. now im gonna see if i can grab a few more hudson signs before bed, so tomorrow i can get right to it...
frankly, i'm not fucking around. i'd love to explore the desert properly someday but for now i'm just gonna fly there with the bike
both desert signs done! man, i didn't even hit the nearby cave but i got shit to do. one more thing before i leave the desert, though...i wanted to see the corner of the world <3 where the great fairy used to be lol
great skeleton CAVE? what happened to the skeleton???
oh. there it is. wtf is it doing in here...
all one big room...i can even see the frog from here
apparently there's a korok seed INSIDE this cave?????? that is NOT how that's supposed to work lol
and finally, off to hyrule ridge.......
not a tower or anything really close to this area...i'll start at lindor's brow and do the best i can
first one: mt rhoam!! easy to get to from the tower. i'll glide for the next and then maybe bust out the bike
this second one i was most worried abt because its near ACTUAL hyrule ridge which contains Hands. but irony of ironies when i got close i'd already done it early on and never marked it!! two left...
god it feels sacrilegious not to stop for some of these seeds lol. DIRECT PATH ONLY.........
lol i'm down by tamio river directly under washa's bluff and. the framerate of this river rn. rip
like everything is fine. it's JUST the river
omg omg omg okay LAST ONE.......
it's by a shrine. should i get that one first?? no, i waited too long.....
HE'S ALL OUT OF SIGNS.........................
aww i got some fabric. but more importantly he finally gets to go home...shrine, and then i'm warping to tarrey town to say hi, and THEN going to bed lol
omg its a trick shrine lol. wet thorns
i can't find addison :( he's not where hduson is...don't tell me he's not actually here?!
ok, i googled it, and apparently no matter what he just hangs out at stables?! dude, you should get to go home!!!! i'm gonna go to a stable to find him...dueling peaks stable, of course
lol on googling this btw. i got a theory on reddit that says he's hudson's illegitimate child (head shape, hero worship). hilarious but also sad
aw. wait. wait...
he's standing in the same sign holding pose!! maybe they didn't have time to animate another one lol. or no he definitely stands normally sometimes. they did it for the bit
he's supporting the stable trotters and he doesn't need my help to do it 🥺 im happy for him but he deserves to go home!!!!!!!!
"why are you bothering me"?! AFTER ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE SHARED.....this is so hilariously unsatisfying. this game and completionist quests. i bet the reward for korok seeds is poop just like last time
ok. good grief. im going to BED!!!
tomorrow, the END......................
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feeling a delayed response to rain worlds ending its... huh. wow
thats something to think about
im really bummed out though by myself, by how so many impactful, emotional games just dont seem to phase me. like, i internally. note them as "that was an impactful experience" but am generally.. ambivalent. to most maybe thats just how i am, maybe im just big on certain things. maybe its on lore, or on friendship is winning endings
or maybe its just random. i dont know
i really liked rain world, its such an interesting game. maybe i wasnt in the right headspace for the end, but maybe i wouldnt have ever been in a space to experience the ending. in the sense that i felt the ending was coming?
i just wish i wasnt so emotionless sometimes
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Came for my daily dose of ewan related shenanigans, got slapped in the face with your Ettore story and now I’m laying on the floor in a pool of my tears because 😩😩😩😩 what was that. Omg. Did not expect it to go this way at all.
It’s similar to Carrion Flowers where the ending bashes your kneecaps in and you can’t help but love it because it’s so good. But so sad. 😢😢😢😢
Also wow. Just. The way you set it up to segue into canon was insane. You are *SO* incredibly talented, I cannot express in words. (In this house we hate Dibs).
I really do love how you characterize Ettore as being more nuanced than just scumbag predator. (NOT defending him - just that in canon his circumstances and state of mind make for an interesting arc. If the assault wasn’t written in, he would have just been an oversexed, lonely young dude, trying to get some human contact while coming of age) - you nailed that bit!
P.S: please don’t let shitty anons bring you down.
Much love ❤️👨🏻🦲
Ahhhh, thank you so much <3 I was really worried about this chapter. "Have I not made it sad enough?" "Am I being too gratuitous with it?" Accidentally bummed myself out with it too, so I sat on it for a few hours after I'd finished it, before I finally decided to publish it. I'm glad it's being well received!
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3.01.23
Okay, sooooo saddle drama.
Remember that saddle that I made the post on about saying, hey, look at the flocking of this saddle? This is why we don’t store our saddles on saddle racks? Well, it got way worse than just the flocking being f-ed. The tree was also broken. Well, the head plate was. Thankfully in a super obvious way that I was able to catch just by flipping the saddle over and looking at it. I was already feeling a little sus-y of the saddle because it was being a little too flexible when I pulled it out of the box and did my usual check over. So, here is a friendly reminder that when you get your saddle out of the box, flex the tree. Listen for any weird creaks, squeaks, or if the tree is moving more than you think it should. If you aren’t sure how to flex a tree for soundness, there are tons of resources online on how to check. That said, sometimes the only way to find cracks, loose stitching, or broken screws is to have your saddle fitter take the panels off, but this is generally a good place to start.
Broken head plate:
That saddle went back into the box and back from whence it came. Except the place I got it from opened a PayPal dispute against me. I usually rant and rave against PayPal because they are a bunch of rotten bastards out to steal your money, but this one time they did the right thing and everything settled in my favor, it was just a hassle, and it took way longer than it should have for me to get my money back.
A couple of weeks ago I had her measured/traced for a WOW saddle, and she very clearly was meant for their hoop tree plate. I also got to try one of their saddles, but felt very meh about it. Their saddles are modular in that you can swap out different panels, different headplates, different seats, and different flaps, so it could have been just me needing a different combination of seat and flap, but they are also NOT cheap. I have seen a couple come up at tack shops in my price range, but the tack shops generally don’t seem to know what combination of parts they have on the saddle they are selling, so I would need to go directly through a rep, which would be a lot more expensive. Anyway, after that experience I pivoted to looking for just hoop tree saddles for her, which has been a bit of a struggle. You see, not all saddles that look like hoops are truly a hoop tree, which means a lot of asking people for serial numbers, contacting the manufacturer, and then waiting to hear back on if that model/tree is a hoop or not.
I ended up going for a saddle...that ended up not being what it said it was...which was a bit of an awkward adventure...and unfortunately it is not going to work for us either. They had the brand wrong, the tree size wrong, and I don’t honestly know if it is a true hoop tree or not, but the company has gone out of business, so no way of checking for sure. The pictures made it look very hoop like, so I broke my rule above of emailing companies serial numbers, because of course I did (rule was broken because this saddle was waaaay under budget).
It looked really promising to start, but once feeling around under it, there was a lot of pressure under the back of the panel, especially on the left side. I hemmed and hawed on if maybe this was something that could be fixed with flocking since the right side felt better, so I decided to completely tack her up with pad and half pad and that made things MUCH worse. Kind of totally took the wind out of my sails. I ended up not riding in this saddle, or even riding at all on this particular night, I was so bummed. For some reason in the 3 days leading up to this saddle arriving I had convinced myself that just getting a hoop tree saddle would magically fit her and fix all of our problems.
I am starting to feel like maybe the saddle that seems like it shouldn’t fit her, and doesn’t fit me 100% (the County Fusion) is just what we should stick with. She seems fine in it (she’s been gone over with a fine tooth comb lately with her lameness) and it fits me okay-ish. Maybe I should stop trying to fix what isn’t exactly broken? Ugh.
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Shot myself in the foot by not communicating well enough
TLDR; I thought she was only dating me. She is not.
I’ve liked this girl since the moment I met her last summer. She had a girlfriend at the time and was a friend of a friend. I didn’t ask for her number or to hang out because I knew she was dating someone.
Some months pass and last November she reached out to me. I make jewelry and she asked for a custom. We met up for the exchange and I just remember thinking “god I wish this was a date,”
I’d see her at a party. Her face would be on my friends instagram. Shed stop by one of the markets I was vending.
In July this year, she asked me to go to a baseball game with her. I still felt a magnetic pull towards her and was still attracted to her. We started hanging out as friends. We never crossed any sort of boundaries beyond friends.
Still I was certain she liked me too. I could just feel it. But also she’d say stuff like “I could never date you, you’re a slow drinker,” or “I could never date you, you don’t wear glasses,”
Once at a book store she was being a bit negative about her appearance and I assured her she was very attractive and I thought she was gorgeous. She was so stumped by this comment I had to face the other way to keep from saying more.
Another time at a bar, she confessed to a friend that "oh we met because I was in love with her,"
She was also in an abusive relationship. That baseball game she invited me to was because her girlfriend had bailed. The whole night, and every time we hung out, she would say she hated her girlfriend and tell me INSANE things about her girlfriend. They finally broke up in early October.
On Halloween I was super bummed out. None of my friends could hang out, my costume I’d ordered in the summer was lost in shipping, it just wasn’t my day. I should have taken that as a sign.
This girl I like invites me out. I say yes. I realize the friend she brought along is actually someone she’s been dating. I don’t want to be alone on Halloween or disappoint her by leaving super early so I thought it out.
Seeing this girl I’m massively crushing on kiss and hold hands and flirt with another girl was honestly devastating. I rarely catch feelings for anyone, it’s been years.
Over the weekend I mope. Once I’m done moping I tell her how I feel. She feels the same. She tells me she thinks of me all the time, she never thought I felt the same, that my company means everything to her, she’s incredibly interested in me.
We make a date for that Thursday. We land on going to the movies. Trying to hold someone’s hand and act cute during the Substance is incredibly hard. But still we had fun! When the movie ends I notice she’s looking at her phone.
The girl she took out on Halloween forgot her keys. Our date is total interrupted and I was honestly really bummed. We sit in front of her apartment waiting for the other girl. I ask about this other girl, I try to figure out if they’re dating still.
This is where I fuck up.
“She doesn’t even like me that way,” is the response I got. I didn’t press it further and I should have. I took this to mean they weren’t dating.
We agree to met up the next day. And I’m determined to redeem myself for our awkward first date.
Massively successful second date!!! Yay!!! I was elated. We ended the night with a heavy make out session and I felt pretty proud of the little “wow”she kept saying.
This next part is where so much of the heart break I’m feeling now comes from. I don’t get to see her for a whole month. Im out of town to see family, then she is. I get back and she’s swamped for finals. Her finals end and I’m in another state for work.
We were finally going to see each other again this Friday but she got in a fight with her dad and bowed out of our plans.
Today we got to meet for lunch! During our lunch she keeps talking about her ex-girlfriend and the girl from Halloween. I ask if she’s still seeing them. She says yes. I wanted to cry.
I stopped talking to other girls back in September when I thought my feelings for this girl were too large to be dating others. I spent this past month desperately wishing to see her. I felt like I had been whisked away from the start of somehting great.
I think if we'd managed to meet up in person after our third date this would have come up again and I wouldnt have minded. Instead I spent a whole month desprately longing for a girl who was still seeing other people. I just dont date more than one person at a time, and I was so blinded by my emotions, I thought she felt just as intesnely as I do and did. But she was seeing someone else. The very girl who absolutely wrecked my heart on Halloween.
Knowing that while I've been alone shes been seeing and sleeping with someone else hurts so bad.
Because we'd been hanging out as friends I thought she remeberd some of the things I've said about what I'm looking for right now and how I date. And maybe she does, but it was stupid of me to think she'd apply things I'd said in the past, to us in the present.
AND I JUST DIDNT GET A CHANCE. We werent able to see eachother for a month. I would have brought that shit up again if we were in person, it would have come up.
Now I'm like "was she really that busy or did she priotize the other girl over me?" "does she like me as much as she says she does?" "would she still be dating this other girl if she wasnt moving away?"
I also told her how much it hurt me when I confessed to her (seeing her with another girl) and I almost wish I knew nothing about it.
After our lunch we walk around a bit. She asks to hold my hand and I tell her I cant do that if shes seeing someone else. I cant see her anymore if shes dating other people. I was on the verge of tears trying to figure out what to say to her and trying to calm myself down.
We go back to her apartment to watch TV. I sit through one episode of kitchen nightmares and ask her to wait with me for a lyft. I couldnt sit in a car with her. I'd have cried so hard.
On the curb she asks what my plans for the week are. I say, "I meant I cant see you at all if youre dating other people. It would hurt me too much,"
"Not even as friends? To me we're friends first,"
*i dont remeber what I said in response to this*
She told me she didn't know it was this serious for me. I honestly wanted to fall to my knees because I felt like I'd cracked my chest open to get how much I liked her across to her. And, I discovered the night we talked about my wants for a relationship, she was drunk, so I don't think she remembered/knew.
She said she would break up with the other two girls. To give her a week. I agreed. We kissed. I left.
I got back home and apologized via text. I had been so overwhelmed in person. I explained myself a bit more. She said she needed more time to put her thoughts together.
Ive just never been anyones choice. No one has ever wanted to date me. No one has ever stuck around that long. Ive never liked anyone this much. It didnt even occur to me that shed still be interested in other people. In my ideal world, she would have stopped seeing that other girl without me even telling her.
I also cant beileve we made out and I didnt know she was sexaully acive with another peson. I feel like a fucking prude but thats how Ive operated in every other sexual encounter I've had. I dont have the right to feel betrayed or hurt but I fucking am.
Ive been crying for hours about this.
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Wow! Who is she? I don’t know, but she has to be mine”
No, this isn’t the opening line of some sleazy twenty-something at a bad house party. This is what I told myself on the first day of seventh grade, the moment I saw Maya for the first time. It hit me like a wave — the strange, addictive feeling of love at first sight.
I’ve always been shy, and I’ve always known it. But nothing could’ve prepared me for the sheer number of “popular” kids I met when I started middle school. It felt like everyone knew each other except for me, with my circle of maybe five friends. That didn’t stop me from fantasizing about marrying Maya, though.
That’s just who I am — self-aware, yet completely detached from reality at the same time.
“Sometimes you believe a lie just because you want to believe it”
that’s true. But really, what’s life without a little fantasy? Hope and imagination are gifts from God, and most of us — including me — don’t use them enough.
You probably think I approached Maya, made her laugh with some witty line, and we ended up grabbing ice cream like any cute 12-year-olds might do. Sorry to disappoint, but even belief could make that lie come true.
Pro Tip for Parents: If you have kids, teach them early on that communication is the foundation of everything. Get them talking to everyone — from the plumber to the cashier at the clothing store. Building that openness when they’re young will help them avoid shyness, and maybe they won’t miss their “Maya” when they hit middle school.
It took me years to realize how much I was missing out on because of my shyness — and even more years to start doing something about it.
Unfortunately, I’d say I’m one of those people who never had a girlfriend in high school. Not even close, really. It’s not that I’m totally weird or unattractive, but let’s just say I’m a bit of both. And here’s a secret: it didn’t exactly help my self-confidence.
The worst part? If you don’t have a younger sibling, you might not understand this, but the most humiliating thing in high school is when your younger brother — three years your junior — has a girlfriend, and you, the older sibling, the “role model” of the family, have never switched more than three sentences with a girl except for chemistry class. And hope doesn’t seem to be on the horizon.
By the time I finished school, I enlisted in the military for three years.
Nothing prepared me for the feeling I got when I came back home sitting alone in my room, It was like God was whispering in my ear, “You need someone here with you. Someone to laugh with, to hold you. You can’t be alone anymore”.
Toward the end of my service, I remembered this girl from my school. I’d seen her about a year ago when I picked up a takeaway at the restaurant where she worked as a waitress. She saw me in uniform and lit up with excitement, starting a conversation. She seemed super cute. Don’t ask why I didn’t talk to her more than a quick hi — I honestly don’t know myself.
So, I gathered intel for the mission, and a friend of her told me I should totally send a message. So with a fashionably late of just a year I opened up my best frenemy — Instagram — and sent her a DM.
She ignored me.
Like, straight up ignored me, as if I were some spam message offering a discount on a local pool membership.
I was bummed, sure, but I was also so proud of myself. Who would’ve thought I’d make a move like that? And to someone I thought was so cute (at least at the time).
That’s when I realized how much the army had changed me. I’d learned to act, not just sit and cry about things not working out — because guess what? No one cares, except maybe your mom, and even she starts losing patience when you’re 20.
Plan “P” - Party. Every Friday. No excuses.
Armed with motivational speeches in front of the mirror and way too much cologne, I set out with the mantra: “Never stop believing”
It was like fate. I’d barely arrived, didn’t even know where I was yet, when I felt a strange twinge in my racoon. I looked down and saw this girl working her magic on me. I was so unprepared for the moment, I froze, and she walked away.
By the end of the party, after awkwardly hitting on a few lucky ladies, something incredible happened.
I approached a girl and she wanted my number because she thought I was cute! Such a normal thing, yet it had never happened to me ever before. And, even crazier? She was completely normal too!
Now, I can confirm with scientifically proven certainty: beginner’s luck is real. And thank God for it.
With that hipe I went home, all my friends were so happy for me, and I was so proud of myself, just for the second time in my life..
“Never stop believing”
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Detroit by Katri Lipson
[ physical book, read in finnish ]
the story of two young ice hockey players whose careers abruptly end at the height of their NHL stardom: one of them, timothy, is paralyzed from neck down after a particularly nasty tackle in one of their matches; the second, nathan, goes haywire after the accident and gets himself fired from the team. despite their prior closeness, nathan refuses to go see tim in the rehab facility for over a year. the story's perspective jumps between the two boys, tim's nurse at the facility, and a random hooker that nathan hires to keep him company while he's psyching himself up to go see his best mate and the love of his life
➕ wow wow wow WOW, this was the first book in a long time that took me on a genuine rollercoaster ride. no expectations, many low moments, and i was blown away at the very end. honestly there were so many spots where i was about to drop this, and the fact that i didn't and was thoroughly satisfied and enamored by the end is just positive positive positive to me. this is a very strange book. in a good way.
➕ it's LGBT! lots of very complicated LGBT feelings too. i went in having no idea i was about to get some very dramatic gay hockey boys. damn. like this was some kind of modern gay romeo&juliet tier shit. absolutely blown away, again. this is the main reason i wanted to keep reading let's be real
➕ this author has a mad way with words. sometimes i didn't quite understand the allegories but it's the kinda thing that you just go with the flow. there were also some interesting style switches between different chapters which i just might steal for my next fic tbh
➖ initially i didn't know at all whether i even wanted to read this and was kind of ready to drop it after 20 pages because it's confusing as hell and you don't even know who the main character is. it starts with descriptions about timothy in the rehab facility but there's a lot of stuff from his nurse's and control freak mother's PoV and other random gunk that you're not sure which one actually matters. in my notes i've written "i just hope the boy is gay." well the boy turned out gay but then the hooker suddenly comes in, with nathan who is not mentioned as nathan at that point so my mental image of that initial scene was that we suddenly jumped to talk about middle-aged bums with no connection to the first chapter, "what even." then it dawned on me that oh. oh that's the boycrush? and the hooker is 19 years old? um… weird but ok.
➖ that's where minus number two comes in, the way the dialogue is written is kinda insufferable at most times. that's why the 20yo characters sound like middle-aged drunks. or alternatively like edgy 13 year olds, which i'm more aligned to believe from young jock men, but reading it is annoying as hell.
➖ janet, the blind prostitute, is such a… like why is she even here. does her character exist just to be a plot device in the last couple of chapters? because i didn't get a thing out of her otherwise. she has no character arc like the boys do, no background, nothing. i thought there would be an actual point to her being blind tied to tim also being disabled but no not really.
➖ up until the end i was so confused what this book was even about, like plot-wise. it sure is vague and just kind of. meandering?? as hell. originally it's set up in a way that makes you think that the boys' reunion will be the grand ending and that's the story, but no there's quite a lot still left at that point. although the ending was worth it, it was still kinda… like the arc of the story is strange.
⭐ score: 4 -- this purely thanks to the ending. i just liked it that much. i really mean it when i say this is the only book in memory i remember closing and putting down thinking WOW! to myself.
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