#wouldn't call them Friends really
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Man I want to know what Porrims other friends think about her attachment to this strangely colored troll secretly living in the caverns. Just the "wait, *where* did you meet this kid?" conversation
#catman asks#'.......there's fucking What'#background jades my beloved#wouldn't call them Friends really#but honestly how close really are the alpha trolls#you get The Point tho#hs ac bonus#as for the others...#you'll have to wait ;)
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a detective who has a partner🔍 and a partner💕 who are friends so the three of them end up doing a lof things together and the detective refers to them as "my partners" and doesn't realise this makes everyone think they're polyamorous (they do end up polyamorous by the end of the story)
#once people start making remarks and they do realise they're apprehensive to the idea at first#(the detective that is. the partners just find it funny i think)#in a shocked and confused way#like “why would you think that! a is my best friend and b is... also my best friend. but one of them is my colleague and the other my spous#“i do not have an unprofessional relationship with my colleague! ...well i do#but a completely platonic one!“#(they do get up to a lot of hijinks together and it wouldn't be true to call them completely professional)#the detective doesn't stop calling them 'my partners' they just have a monologue about the nature of their relationship locked and loaded#it's a friends to lovers very slow burn to get to the throuple part but we do get there eventually#character concept#yes i initially imagined the detective as a man because i love men and most famous detectives unfortunately are men#however this would work very well in any gender scenario. all three of them are non-binary in different ways. all of them are women.#i think the main detective would be really fun if she was a Philomena Cunk type of character. very smart but So dumb and self-assured#really the main thing the detective needs to be is autistic
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do you ever think about how all you used to draw when you were 10 was ponies and that you should still know how to do that, then get an idea and proceed to draw something like these in nearly one sitting and it turns out better than any drawing you've done in the entire past month
sooo anyway does anyone have cutie mark or pony name ideas for them?? lol
#(the b girl lineups are older than a month because i procrastinated a lot on doing minor fixes. nothing i drew in the month of june 2024#is really worth showing it's all shitty doodles lmao)#bnha#class 1b#mlp#?#yui kodai#setsuna tokage#itsuka kendo#ibara shiozaki#(i love how she came out in particular! creature :3)#reiko yanagi#tikto's art#you may be wondering why pony of all people isn't here.#i did draw her! but i kind of ran out of steam so i ended up not really liking the result lol same for kinoko#anyway shoutout to elementary school me i was SO obsessed with mlp. brony stuff was one of the first things i used the internet for#and you know what. i wouldn't say it ruined me it was a pleasant experience#i just read what was basically a polish version of equestria daily and constantly checked the deviantart profile of one (1) specific artist#that i liked a lot#i did watch some weird speedpaints (yknow the horror ones) but i honestly dont remember being very bothered by them i just liked the art#i was just chilling there lurking and never actively participating due to being 10 and afraid of online strangers (good for me tbh)#i remember having an identity crisis though because can i really call myself a brony if i'm a little girl? the target audience of the show?#lmao anyway i would also draw ponies constantly and write oc fanfics (and the ocs were actually my irl friends ponified)#and i even had my own little g5 concept. good times good times#tag story time over god bless enjoy your day
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cursor selkie sc (due to some unlikely plot contrivance) in god with a bag of groceries au would be so funny...bystanders watching god pass by with a bag of groceries, followed by tiny god with a packet of cookies. adorable.
ANON... YOUR MIND..........
#tommy's foolery#selkie sticks au#tommy's stickmen tag#tommy's aus#pitch's art#i can only imagine what bystanders must be thinking. just. big scary cursor followed by the littlest of guys#i imagine that knowledge that humans aren't just cursors isn't too common#(or at least not something the average stick who hasn't looked into would know)#so it's confusing but weirdly cute?#any stick who knows that humans aren't just cursors though would be like '??????????????? THE FUCK?!?'#i think they'd only visit the outernet if they had the CG with them tho#it's really funny to imagine the CG sneaking onto a computer in hopes of getting to a safe place‚ making friends with SC#and then refusing to leave when alan tries to shoo them out#sorry sir. your child adopted these random kids as their siblings#god. that only makes it funnier because chosen wouldn't see him in the outernet until he's already adopted everyone#chosen follows him to the desktop and a bunch of kids pop out and hug him#as well as this tiny little cursor who is just. munching(?) on a cookie#just. What The Fuck#furthermore when you ask them if he's been mean to them at all they go '? no he's our dad'#and the cursor proceeds to squeak in mortification (they can do that?) and grab whoever said that and begin (gently) shaking them#because DON'T CALL HIM THAT HE'S NOT YOUR DAD........ STOP THAT#the cg all think alan reacting like this is very funny even though chosen is extremely concerned#anyway SORRY this is just so funny to me. thank you anon for blasting me with this image
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I know this may sound crazy but remember how in No Way Out, Sonic told Nine that he still considered him to be a friend while getting down on one knee and Nine calmed down? Later in Nine’s Lives, Nine says “Typical” when seeing Sonic run to the others and accused Sonic of betraying him when Sonic called the others his friends.
Nine was sort of acting like Sonic proposed to him and then cheated on him by being friends with the others.
Okay so first of all, I don't think you're crazy. During S3 there's actually plenty of evidence that Nine is jealous, both of the Tails variants and Sonic considering everyone else his friends.
One example that presents his specific kind of jealousy is during Episode 2 of Season 3, when Nine first appears to Sonic in New Yoke.
"Everything is collapsing... This is terrible!"
"Is it? That seems odd coming from you. As far as I can tell you only care about your own home."
Essentially what I'm getting at is this. I do believe that pre betrayal, Nine admittedly considered Sonic to be the most important person to him, and thought Sonic may have felt the same way. And the "betrayal" at the end of S2 hurt Nine very deeply. He had this image of Sonic in his head that was shattered by the finale, so he sort of instinctively switches to thinking the worst about Sonic because he can't trust that anything he thought before wasn't a lie. This is one of the reasons that he can't fathom Sonic caring about shatterspaces other than his own home.
But it's not just that he can't fathom it, it's that due to this deep hurt, Nine cannot allow himself to believe it.
Because if Sonic genuinely cares about the shatterverse as a whole, if he genuinely cares about saving all of these people, then to Nine, what made him the exception?
Sure, we the audience can see Sonic’s journey in Prime. We can see that by the end of S2, Sonic wanted to keep the shatterverse safe just as much as he wanted to bring back Green Hill. He wanted everyone to be alive and happy. But from Nine's pov here, he's just learned that Sonic lied to him, spoke honeyed words and manipulated him just to get to the prism. None of that is true, but he doesn't feel like Sonic actually cares for him or wants him. So at this point, for Sonic to put saving all of these people over saving his own home or genuinely worrying about their home makes Nine feel like the exception or that his feelings about Sonic must be wrong. Either one of those ideas he'd understandably like to avoid (because one means that Sonic is genuine with everyone except for him, and the other would mean to him that his feeling of betrayal and hurt feelings post S2 finale are misplaced and not allowed to be had, though he feels justified feeling hurt)
And that scene in S3 E3 No Escape is actually another big exemplifier of Nine's brand of jealousy and just how hurt he is.
"Don't worry. Beneath the surface, my new friends are far simpler than the flawed creatures you knew and loved. And all the more loyal for it."
Starting out strong, Nine takes a not so subtle shot at Sonic's friends while taking subtler shot at Sonic's loyalty, since Sonic had been his first and only friend.
"Ever wonder where we'd be if things had gone differently between us?"
"...Not anymore."
"I do. All the time."
"Not anymore." Implying that post the S2 finale he really had dwelled (at least for a time) on thoughts of how things could have been different. How he wished things could have gone differently.
And Nine gets visibly angry/frustrated when Sonic confesses he's always thinking about how things could have been different. Perhaps because it feels like a slap to the face, or feels hard to believe.
"Tch. You had your chance."
"...Right back at ya, bud."
And then, despite his anger, despite how he's been trying to get Sonic all along so he can drain his energy and save his home, Nine ignores Sonic's "should we get this over with". He puts on another one of those faces, similar to earlier when Sonic arrived and Nine talked about his "new friends". Perhaps to cover up exactly the way he's feeling in this moment with a veneer of superiority (he always did something similar when talking up Sonic to the Chaos Council).
"You know...after all this time...I think I finally understand you, Sonic."
...
"You wanna save everyone. Friends. Foes. Total strangers! You say it's because you're a hero and that's what heroes do, but deep down... After what you did—destroying your own home—it's the only way you can ever live with yourself. Even if that means you won't live at all."
And while I think Nine isn't incorrect—that there is a part of Prime!Sonic who's been acting out of selfishness, caring more about feeling like a good person than actually being one—these are still words from someone who feels betrayed by Sonic. I think there's a level to which Nine is seeing a part of Sonic no one else did, and also to a level which Nine is trying to recontextualize Sonic's more heroic/selfless seeming actions so he can reconcile them with how he feels about Sonic and sees him at this moment. In other words, while he's seeing a facet of Sonic he didn't see before, this is not all encompassing of who Prime Sonic is. It's just that perhaps by believing that Sonic's every seemingly selfless action is disingenuine, that all those nice words and intent to save people is just so Sonic can feel good rather that actually caring about anyone, then Nine doesn’t have to feel like the exception. Then he can see Sonic as someone who is pretending to care about all of this, and Sonic's other friends as fools who don't see what he (Nine) has seen.
But as I said, it's more complicated than that. Perhaps Nine is seeing a facet of Sonic that other people don't see or don't want to see, but Prime!Sonic is multifaceted. Perhaps he does want to hurry up and sacrifice himself in this scene because then he can finally feel like he's atoned for what he's done and he's absolved of/paid for his crimes, but that also doesn't mean he doesn't genuinely care about the lives of people in the shatterverse.
"If I don't make it, and you do, how do I know you'll keep your promise."
"Don't worry. Your 'friends' are safe. Once I have your energy, I can restore everything. They can have their silly lives in their silly spaces, as long as they leave me alone."
"Fair enough."
...
"And for what it's worth...I wouldda done the same for you."
"Don't lie to me..."
"I'm not–"
"DON'T!"
"Think whatever you want, but it's true. Even after everything you've done, everything we've been through. Together. Against each other. You're still my friend, Nine."
I really couldn't express more just how hurt Nine feels. That he doesn't believe Sonic would give anything up for him, even if he were to accept that Sonic would do that for everyone else. When he tells Sonic not to lie to him, frustrated, angry, voice wavering, I think it's because he can't take this again. If Sonic is lying just to manipulate him, if this isn't genuine, if he's just using him again, he can't take it again.
This is an incredibly intimate scene. With Sonic, standing face to face to Nine, inside Nine's safe space, his home that no one else has been into, behind the physical representation of the walls surrounding Nine's heart post betrayal, this is his first time all season really being allowed to speak to Nine directly. Here there's no one to perform to aside from each other.
But you can see that despite everything, Sonic still reaches Nine in this scene. It's not easy, but he reaches Nine's heart, leading Nine to start to believe in him again.
And that's why it's a pity the other variants show up when they do, using Sonic to breach Nine's walls. With the way Nine reacts after this happens, Sonic may as well have made Nine believe in that image of him again. Sonic may as well have made Nine believe that Sonic does care about him, that he'd do anything for him (or, at least, would give his life for him like he would for the others if it meant they could live), only to be the trojan horse that allowed the enemy™ to breach his safe space. The pretty lie.
At the beginning of S3 E4 Nine's Lives, Nine says "Predictable" when Sonic runs over to his friends. And, as anon mentioned, Nine says that Sonic has betrayed him for the last time, calling the deal off.
I wouldn't necessarily say here that Nine feels as if Sonic had cheated on him so to speak, but I would say that even if Nine doesn't see Sonic as a willing "trojan horse" here, Nine still feels like a fool for "falling for it again", for believing in Sonic. I think it's enough betrayal to Nine that Sonic would convince him that he cares about him and wants him to have a future too, only to then side with a bunch of people who want to beat Nine down and who would not let Nine be happy if Nine surrendered to them (from Nine's pov at least).
So in short, anon, I think you are seeing Nine's jealousy here. Even if he also has to believe Sonic is secretly fooling the others, to him this is a scene where Sonic is not only choosing them over him, but another example of Sonic (from Nine's pov) proving that he's a liar who doesn't care for Nine or his future/safety at all.
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic prime#sonine#nine the fox#nine sonic prime#miles nine prower#sonic prime s3#sonic prime s3 spoilers#anon interview#i just be ramblin#long post#I just want to note also that Nine also calls the deal off because the other variants become aggressors in this situation. He told Sonic in#the deal that he'd leave everyone else to their devices as long as they left him alone‚ but then right after this those same 'friends'#breach Nine's walls of safety‚ clearly planning to attack where Nine's most vulnerable. The deal was broken before Nine could uphold it#and to top it all off‚ Sonic doesn’t make everyone stand down or defend Nine to them. The entire group gets to flex their power in front of#Nine (similar to how previously Nine would do the same to convince Sonic to surrender)#and Sonic expects Nine to believe that his surrender will lead to peace. Funny‚ since the other variants can't believe Sonic's surrender#would lead to peace either#It's just kind of tragic that Nine would have felt better about Sonic had the other variants not showed up. And yet‚ even if Nine and Sonic#had the chance to perform their deal‚ even if Nine kept his promise‚ the rest of the variants would never leave him alone#And Sonic wouldn't be around to help Nine. Nine wouldn't even have the prism or his walls to protect himself.#Okay okay I've got lots more thoughts and things I can dig into but best to leave all of that for the season 3 portion of sonine prime#Thank you so much for this ask anon! I really do love me an excuse to talk about Sonine and dig into their individual characters. I'm also#not over S3 so the chance to talk about it some was much appreciated😊💖#And if you or anyone else has any other questions pertaining to Sonine‚ their characters‚ thoughts on individual scenes‚ or anything else at#all‚ feel free to shoot me another ask!🥰
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the writers well and truly hate bonnie i'm sorry but you have to suspend your disbelief so fucking much about the fact that NO ONE ever found it weird that bonnie didn't speak to them over the phone for an entire summer. you mean to tell me not ONE of them tried to call her and found it weird they kept getting sent to voicemail? even if they were all busy and doing well why would a bunch of teenagers accept that bonnie was resorting to email to talk to them exclusively for MONTHS. that's absolutely mad bro the writers hated her so bad jesus christ
#like. over a few weeks yeah#but for an ENTIRE summer#and NOBODY found it weird?#even in your WORST faith takes you have to be logical#and ask. hm. would caroline really not call bonnie for an entire summer if she were traveling?#would elena not have anything to say over the phone AT ALL and simply write emails back?#matt is whatever sorry dude#but even if you HATE elena and caroline. like hate them#you have GOT to admit it is weird and unrealistic as fuck they NEVER spoke to her over the phone the entire summer#and didn't find it weird#even if you want to say “oh elena was obsessed with damon” okay well maybe she would've called to obsess about him over the phone?#y'all love saying she doesn't have consideration for what he's done why wouldn't she do it over the phone#i'm FULLY aware they're bad friends to bonnie the longer the series goes on#but the writers.... REAAALLY hate her for NO ONE to notice#even after her FATHER DIED.#LIKE. NO ONE CALLED TO TELL BONNIE ABOUT THAT?#YOU'VE GOTTTT TO BE JOKING#they couldn't come up with ANYTHING better?#bonnie bennett#elena gilbert#caroline forbes#that whole plot......... just nasty work#i can't take it seriously bro#i also think it's wild for jeremy to like. Not Say Shit about her being dead but i don't care about them butchering his character#not as much anyway#if tyler were there he'd notice (i'm being delusional)#(except i'm not. he's a better friend than the rest of them)#anyway. julie and c. dries are going to hell
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#Just read a disquieting rumour that my ex was faking being indigenous.#Which...#I mean#I didn't see the evidence#All that I know is that this call-out post went up about 9 months ago in indigenous facebook groups#and my ex's entire online presence was apparently immediately scrubbed afterwards#which i'm only learning just now because honestly i've broken off all contact with them and with the rest of their friends#but like...it kinda wouldn't surprise me?#but the thing was they were an extremely militant decolonization activist#like they would go on long angry rants about appropriation and 'pretendians' and how terrible they were#but also like...they didn't really identify as indigenous until i think a year or so into our relationship?#and at the time i just figured ''whatever they're reconnecting with their roots''#(I'm not indigenous; I don't know how these things work)#but then they started speaking sporadically in a fake accent when around other Native people and going on about how 'Rez' they were#and like...'Rez'. Mate.#I know for a fact that you grew up in a $10 million house in Hawaii#(at least I assume it was a fact)#And they were a big fan of using social justice arguments and language as a pretext for abusing me.#And if it was a lie then. Well. It would be very much in character for them let me just say.#Like they lied constantly to other people. I just...I guess I assumed that I was an exception?#Or that they wouldn't lie about the big stuff. Especially when they acted so vociferously angry about it.#But yeah. Trying to assume the absolute most marginalised social identity they can for clout sounds very much like something they would do.
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My Boyfriend, @biohazard-inevitable, and I finally got back to our play through of Danganronpa Trigger Happy Havoc two years after starting it.
So in honor of finally making it halfway through the game I decided to draw the Self Insert I made him back when we first started, along with @echoes-lighthouse, because they're the only other DR Self Inserter I know, and I think our dynamic would be Very Funny.
#Emile's Arts#Proship Selfship#Yes this IS your call to action fellow DR self shippers#GET AT ME#It's the current brain thought and I WILL draw your S/I if you bring forth ref#PROMISE#Zayne's the Ultimate Game Designer at this stage but that's subject to change as we actually play the games kdjkdfgk#I just think He Me and Echo would be a VERY funny trio#The Cringe Trio fr fr#kfgkfdjgkdf#Sorry for the random fanart Echo you're simply the Ref I had on hand to make the first joke#And then I thought wouldn't The Ultimate Fanfic Author ship me and Zayne?#And I added the other comic for funsies from that concept#Everything's fine AU where the casts from all 3 games are going to school as normal#And Monokuma the Bear is still the Headmaster because I say so#For funsies. Again.#The first comic is how I imagine the three of them first meet kind of#Despite being in the same class they don't really talk till this point which is... Probably only a week or two into the school year kfjgkfd#And then they become best friends <3
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Kinda thinking about whether I should post some of my art on here should I find the time to draw again ... on one hand I think it'd be nice to share it, but on the other hand I'm worried that somehow, people who know me from my regular account will stumble across this one and recognise my art style, and I'll be called out/cancelled because they probably won't understand this community🤐
#I don't think it's very likely that would happen bc most of them aren't interested in these topics so how'd they even find this account#and those who are hopefully wouldn't take an issue with it#in fact I think there's at least one person who (probably unknowingly) follows me on both my accounts😅 it's kinda funny to me#so guess at least they wouldn't have a problem with it even if they knew#to clarify *if* I did post art here it might be mostly Krebsdorf shipping fanart and maybe a bit of Rommel and Bayerlein#so I think it's not even something so bad that could really be called '''pRobLemAtiC'''#my other account isn't even big so I'm not worried about getting cancelled bc of that I just don't wanna potentially lose my friends :(#I love them but some communities I'm in are a bit uhh ... sensitive I guess#hence I made this an entirely new account (not a sideblog) to be able to keep it entirely free from connections to my main if I want to#though I think I probably won't be able to refrain entirely from talking about my interests over there as well#just in much less extent and in a more 'socially acceptable' manner#idk I'm just a pro at overthinking these things in all sorts of ways
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#im about to FREAK OUT bcs of my boss#like yes i'm so thankful and happy to be employed. really.#but my boss is so#it feels like he's never doing anything.... he's only in the office max 2 days per week and idk#hes just very strange#but the worst thing is that he just takes his own work and dumps it on me#which is fine in some ways! like i sometimes just sit around with no work to do#so then it's good to have something to do#but today... not only did i already have a shit ton of work to do but#he tells me to book a hotel for a conference they're having ?? and that's not even near what's in my work description??????#(i basically just do numbers rn. i sit with spreadsheets and move numbers around and stuff like that)#and the worst part is that he told me i cant email them... i must call........#and i get that this sounds super silly to those who don't have a fear of speaking on the phone but#it makes me freak the f out#i cant even talk on the phone with my parents. or my brother. or a friend. like genuinely just no i cant#it brings out so so much anxiety in me#i get dizzy just thinking about it#and again this is really really not even similar to anything in my job description ???? i wouldn't have signed up if i knew i had to do thi#and when i have things that i need to do but i physically cant then my brain just goes into pause mode and i don't do anything at all#instead of doing one of the many things i *could* do (like write an email anyway)#there's just no way im gonna be able to call but idk what my boss is gonna think if i mail.... because he specifically said that i must cal#rrGGG im just so frustrated!!!!!#and i needed to get this out.... soz for the rant#i just think i would cry (genuinely) if i were to make that call#alSO BECAUSE THE INSTRUCTION IS SO UNCLEAR LIKE ALWAYS WITH THIS GUY#I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO#gonna go drink a lot of water so i dont cry now 👍 sorry bye
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First I couldn't focus on work because of a migraine. Now that I've taken something for it, I can't focus cause I feel sick. And the migraine is still there, too.
#personal#distracting myself by writing a personal post#not feeling good AT ALL#but i refuse to call in sick#i will be better once the painkiller hits#i mean i hope so#thinking about the pepto my friend bought me#that i won't get until the end of the week#and that i would really really love now#kinda wondering if that migraine was caused by my almost bike accident yesterday#either way i'm dizzy and sick and i hate migraines#wouldn't wish them on my worst enemies
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loudly bitching about someone over the phone for 40 minutes straight at work while coworkers sideeye me. sorry. i have never shown this behavior before and itll be another two years before i do it again
#THERAPEUTIC. incredible things happening.#this person. me and this guy both love this person. but Oh my God.#he called to tell me abt something that kind of pissed him off last night and i started talking about a month and a half ago#why are we handholding this grown ass person thru fomo and massive control issues. well. it's not a dealbreaker but i might blow up one day#oscillating between 'yes i love them' and 'i've been pissed for a month and a half'#the horrors of having a interconnected friend group? it's really just two people i would really really hate to lose. others wouldn't be as#affected but those two. i love them. and AGAIN it's not a dealbreaker it's just kind of a buildup of behaviors. anyone remember my bitchy#post about the fomo/anxiety essay#also smaller things like Why are you trying to micromanage two disc servers that you dont have to lift a fucking finger in#um. my beloved irl if you see this. you didn't. i do love her to death. you know i do#the issue is if i put out all my issues they would take it really badly like they would act like it's the end of the fucking world#when i'm just like hey i am not your mother or your therapist and also stop trying to tell me what to fucking do#they would. um. lose it.#and some people are gonna get hit in the crossfire and i don't want to cause that. even tho it. wouldnt really be me.
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I'm seeing more people pleasing takes on reels today again I have controversial opinions maybe I need to be beat on the head or somethin idk
#AUAUAUGH#someone compare people pleas with being manipulative and like idk#the comment section was just fuulll of people going it's not manipulation it's a trauma response and i agree but#at the same time I'm not really a people pleaser but i have a person like this in my life and#it does feel like they are just lying to you know#someone said you're not entitled to someone else's authenticity#WELL I THINK I FUCKING AM??#what I don't go in the world and interact with people so i can be lied to#like whenever I'm met with this behavior i get that this is a mental issue of this other person but it makes me feel like shit#to know I'm basically being lied to constantly by this person who's supposed to be a friend or whatever#supposed to be nice to me at least#idk idk 🙄#idk if this is a hot take or what this behavior just makes me reallyyy uncomfortable and i feel like i can generally tell if someone is#doing it esp if we spend more time together#sucks to feel like this so im just ughhhh#i wouldn't call it manipulation but i sure would call it lying and i don't like being lied to haha#might call it... my own trauma thing#i just feel really conflicted about the comment section who acted like this is completely okay to do to someone#because it sure doesn't feel fair to me it's quite upsetting idk i feel like I've been having some thoughts about this kind of stuff about#idk what to do with these thoughts so im writing them here idk lmao
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Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.
Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?
And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.
What do you think about it?
no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.
because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)
and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?
river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)
they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.
mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.
they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.
all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.
mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'
god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.
#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river#means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much.#that's her daughter but it's also her best friend.#but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself.#a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing.#and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this.#the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*.#we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep#one hand armed.#and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little.#(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named#melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come#here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it.#and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river.#you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you?#having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do#anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river#knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to#choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends?#according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel#in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the#and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song.#i think that's the takeaway here.#ask#doctor who#river song#amy pond#rory williams
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#super freaking out cos my friend who is a vet has offered me a job at her practice as a care assistant#so my job would just be to do all the little jobs. help looking after the animals. cleaning. sometimes calling patients etc#it's a fantastic opportunity but it looks so much more difficult then anything i've ever done before#and on the one hand i'm like ''yes! i love animals! i need a steady income! this is perfect!''#but on the other... i haven't been at my current job that long. so it feels like a dick move to up and leave.#i don't know if i'd be able to cope with the animals dying all the time. some of the stuff i'd have to do looks really technical#and i'm scared i'll do it wrong (eg put the wrong label on the wrong medicine) and it'll lead to an animal dying#like it's a proper full time monday-friday 9-5 kinda gig#which is great cos my current job is a ''are we gonna give you more than 2 days next week?? who knows! it's a supprise!!''#and that situation is stressing me out. so i do need something different#but this is like a proper serious job. and idk that's scary#plus my friend would be my boss. which i don't mind. but i dont want her to vouch for me and then i'm terrible at it...#cos that's not fair on her#they've offered me a trial shift next week. so i guess i could do that and just scope it out..#it also feels like nepotism which doesn't super sit right#but it's not a sure thing. the other vets and practice owners have to agree and they may not like me. it's not like i have experience#and it's only a low paid position so if its nepotism its not like... super beneficial nepotism...#sigh. i know i should go for it. just last time i went for a big different job like this it ended badly#and i ended up back in retail.#so i don't wanna go thru that all again#but i also dont wanna stay working in this shop forever. it wouldn't be too bad if only i had regular hours. .#and i knew what those hours were more than a week in advance#i know this is like.. a non-problem. i'm just stressing about it#plus its making me feel guilty whenever i go into my current job. like i'm cheating on them#i do need that regular income tho#screams in anxiety
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#i can't fathom people thinking that creators that were on the dream smp bringing up the dream smp is 'desperate' and for 'clout'#that was a whole server full of friends with a big collaborative storyline#yes some of them have memed it and have called it cringe but that doesn't make them less a part of it#that doesn't erase the things from the server they still care about. the friendships they made and ones they have to this day because of it#what could they possibly gain from an ended server is it really so evil to keep a beloved thing they were part of alive#don't tell me it's all hateful intentions. i wouldn't even believe that if a creator said it themselves#there was love on that server and no one can make me forget it#!!#just wanted to ramble about my opinion on this. peace and love and happiness forever. thank u<3
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