#would tag humans are space orcs

[aspiringnexu]

Love that Star Trek accurately portrays humans in the future as being DTF practically anything. Works wonders for diplomacy.

"Sure I don't find you attractive, but give me ten minutes, your Excellency, and I'll find someone on this ship who's into tentacles and slime."

We may not be super intelligent or super strong, but give humans a chance. We're annoyingly likeable, tenacious, stubborn, and attracted to the weirdest things.

[marlynnofmany]

Digital Billboards and Bumper Stickers

I handed another can of food to Eggskin, thinking idle thoughts about skin and scale color. Neither of us were what I considered kindergarten-crayon colors, though I was somewhere in the white-brown-pink area while they were a yellow-green-white. Someday I’d ask them if they knew their scales were the color of human boogers (no I wouldn’t).

Really I was thinking about that to avoid reading the labels of the food, since most of them had my alien crewmates in mind, and looked profoundly unappealing to me. This stack was mostly bug paste. Some cans were shelled, and some unshelled. Flavored with the highest quality algae. Bluh.

“That’s the last of these,” I said happily, handing it over.

Eggskin placed it on the shelf and looked thoughtfully down at the counter still strewn with shelf-stable food. “Let’s do the seed paste next. Leave the herb stalks out; I’ll want to use them sooner than the rest.”

Following their pointing claw, I located the jars of peanut-butter-adjacent food, and the narrow boxes that I’d thought were spaghetti. “Got it.” I shoved the boxes aside and started passing the jars to Eggskin for placement. Reorganizing the shelves was a lot of work. I could see why they’d asked for assistance. At the very least, it would have gotten boring after a while.

Eggskin asked, “So what was the captain grumbling about just now?”

I thought back to when Eggskin had recruited my help from outside the cockpit. I’d only been there to bring Wio the water bottle she’d left in the lounge, but it had been long enough to pick up the gist of the conversation. “All the ships in this area have extra information on their ID’s, and they keep popping up as images overlaying the map, making it hard to see where everything is.”

Eggskin turned with the speed of a striking snake. “What area? Where are we going? I knew I should have checked the schedule.”

“I didn’t catch the name,” I said, but Eggskin was already racing for the door.

“Put away the jars, please; I’ll get the rest later!”

I paused for a moment, then hurried to put all the seed paste jars next to the cans of bug paste, labels forward and in neat rows. Then I ran after Eggskin.

When I arrived at the cockpit, I found our ship’s cook/medic with a hand on Wio’s chair, pointing something out to the captain.

Captain Sunlight sat in the copilot’s seat, frowning at the screen. Many colors reflected off her bright yellow scales, glowing from the mishmash of light that was normally a dark starfield. “If we make that much of a detour, we won’t be able to make the delivery on time. We’ll just have to go dark on communications until we get there.”

Eggskin made a concerned noise as Wio tapped several buttons with her tentacles. The room was suddenly darker as all the company logos and custom images blinked out of sight. The screen now held the usual blackness of space, speckled with stars — one close enough to be called a sun — and a variety of ships mostly heading to or from a distant space station shaped like a tube. There were also far more asteroids hanging around than I was entirely comfortable with.

But before I could ask about that, the music started.

I think it was music. “What is that?” I asked at the jumble of sound. It sounded like several radio stations at once, some playing recognizable instruments, some talking, and others making what sounded like rude noises.

In a tone of defeat, Eggskin said, “The ads and taunts can detect visual sensors. Some ships target outsiders in exactly our position: no time or money to buy a blocker.”

Wio made a rude sound of her own and turned the volume down.

Captain Sunlight was still frowning. “I don’t want to speak ill of anyone else’s way of life, but this is terrible.”

Eggskin gripped both chairs, eyes trained on the screen. “It’s one of many reasons why I left. You’ll want to keep that big ship between us and the station for as long as you can.” They pointed briefly. “Or else we’ll have a Core on our tail wanting to fine us for flying blind.”

“Terrible,” the captain repeated. But she instructed Wio to do as they said, while aiming for one specific asteroid that hadn’t come onscreen yet.

This seemed like a good time to ask. “Why are there so many asteroids this close to the station?”

Captain Sunlight flicked a glance at me, possibly only now noticing I was there in the doorway.

Eggskin answered without turning. “It was meant to be a tourist attraction, but the company got bought out and the project abandoned. Now half of the gravity engines are failing, and reputable businesses are leaving the area.”

Wio said, “It still looks awfully busy.”

“That would be the disreputable sorts. If you see a triangle where the stars disappear for a moment, fly at max speed in the other direction, never mind the delivery time.”

Captain Sunlight turned her frown on Eggskin. “It’s that extreme of a danger?”

The hands on both chairs tightened. “Yes.”

I studied the screen for any sign of disappearing stars. Black ships in the blackness of space were uncommon back in familiar territory, for the simple reason that they risked having someone crash into them and atomize both ships. But it sounded like someone here considered that a risk worth taking so they could sneak up on others. I didn’t ask what they did when they succeeded.

We spent a tense few minutes flying in silence, with no sign of invisible ships and only a few pop-ups. Apparently even flying blind couldn’t block all of them out. At least these were mostly informational things on the asteroids themselves, defunct notifications about events and attractions that had never been finalized.

One ship that looked cobbled together from spare parts had a blank panel above the thrusters that drew my eyes with how bright white it was. Eggskin stared at it intently. “This could be nothing,” they said, “But it could be important. Use a tight-beam scan for that panel.”

Wio did. As if the ship was just waiting for someone to look, it accelerated away and produced an image that glowed on our screen after it was long gone. The stylized pair of shapes were vaguely familiar.

While Eggskin made a disappointed grumble, I asked, “What is that? I’ve seen that symbol on the back of a racing ship.”

“I believe,” said Captain Sunlight, “It is an insult. A view of the bottoms of the pilot’s feet as they swim or fly away from you.”

“Oh,” I said. “Huh. I guess it’s like mooning someone. Or an ‘Eat my dust’ bumper sticker.”

Before anyone could ask what human nonsense I was talking about, Wio spotted the meeting location. “This one, right?” she asked the captain. “The mid-sized flat one?”

Captain Sunlight consulted a smaller screen. “That is where they said to meet. But they also said they would be here before us, ready to rush off as soon as they got our delivery.”

Wio and Captain Sunlight inspected the surrounding area for other ships, which all seemed to have left. I kept watching the stars, sparing a glance for Eggskin, who looked more intense than ever.

“Scan the landing area,” they said suddenly.

The message that popped up this time was a simple text one, in a language I didn’t recognize.

But Eggskin did. “Thought so. Send a tight-beam message back to open the drop box. This message.” They rattled off a string of numbers that Wio dutifully copied down and sent. I saw the captain also copy it onto her notepad with an expression that suggested she had some questions for Eggskin later.

Lo and behold, the flat part of the asteroid rolled back into an empty space that could have fit a ship larger than ours. The light of the distant sun showed it to be empty.

Captain Sunlight sat back, exasperated. “Where did they go?”

Wio said, “There’s a ship over there. Is that them?” She turned our view to show a speedy little junker careening between the asteroids toward us.

“I don’t think so,” the captain said. “Unless they had to use a different ship.”

A patch of stars behind it winked out. I pointed. “Invisible ship!”

Before Wio could hit the thrusters, Eggskin commanded, “Get in the drop box!”

Wio threw a glance at Captain Sunlight, who nodded. Wio sent our little courier ship diving into the secret hidey-hole, folding the solar sails and transmitting the other message Eggskin gave her to close the hatch.

It was very dark inside that drop box. I thought briefly about the rest of the crew, who had no idea how much danger they were in. I didn’t even know how much danger we were in. But I suspected it was a lot.

Eggskin said, “We should be safe after a few minutes. Given their trajectory, they were chasing that other ship. Even if they saw us, they’ll be busy.”

Wio asked, “These aren’t the people who will fine us, are they?”

“No,” Eggskin said firmly. “The Core will fine you, because they’re what passes for a police force out here. Spherical ships, like a planet’s core. That,” they said, pointing emphatically, “Was a Lancer. They will dismantle your ship, sell it for scrap, and sell you to a work camp. No, the Core won’t stop them. Yes, it’s terrible.”

The captain nodded. “One of the many reasons why you left.”

“Yes.”

“Well, we very much appreciate your expertise today!”

“I’m just glad I realized where we are,” Eggskin said. “I’ll make a point of checking the schedule more regularly.”

“And I will make a point of not accepting deliveries for this part of space, no matter how much they pay,” the captain said wryly.

We sat there a little while longer, until Eggskin said it was safe to open the hatch. All the stars were in place as we ventured out. Nothing moved, not even any drifting bits of dismantled ship. Good news.

But also bad news, since we still didn’t know where our client was.

“I will be extremely disappointed if all this risk was for nothing,” Captain Sunlight said. “Eggskin, are there likely to be other drop boxes nearby that they could have hidden in?”

Eggskin let out a breath. “If there are, I won’t know the codes for them.”

The captain made another note to herself, and told Wio to search the area for other likely asteroids. I did my part by continuing to watch the stars, just in case.

Wio said, “Most of these have a flat enough area to land on.”

Eggskin put in, “By design.”

“Should I turn the communications back on, to look for markers?” Wio asked. “There are no other ships over here to jam our screen.”

Eggskin muttered, “Optimistic.”

Captain Sunlight said, “Do it.”

The drifting space rocks were suddenly festooned with logos. It wasn’t as bad as before, but it wasn’t great. They were all old and glitchy.

Wio turned the volume up slightly, just enough to hear that any audio messages had dissolved into static. “If anybody spots something promising, sing out.”

We all watched the screen as Wio slowly toured the area. A couple of asteroids had newer pop-ups, but these were clearly graffiti: messages about how somebody was the envy of this half of the galaxy, or how whoever was reading the message should go stick their tail in a thruster.

“What species made most of this?” Wio asked.

“The original owners were Frillians,” said Eggskin. “Though that graffiti clearly wasn’t.”

“And what species is our client?” Wio asked the captain. “Or is it a mixed ship?”

Captain Sunlight glanced down at her notes, then up at me. “Human.”

Oh. No pressure. “I haven’t seen anything yet that looks particularly human-ish,” I said. “But I’ll look.” I gave up on the stars for now, and stared at the asteroids. “Are those two just extra flat, or do they have panels like that one ship did?”

Wio dutifully moved closer and scanned the two that I pointed out. One was a political slogan about something Waterwill-related from several years ago.

The other one was music. The volume was still quiet, but I recognized it. As Wio turned up the sound of synthetic drumbeats, I grinned at the old Earth anthem.

This asteroid was equipped with a rickroll.

“That’s a human thing,” I said. “Check that one.”

Wio took us closer, then she sent a short-range communication ping, the equivalent of knocking on the door.

And lo and behold, something pinged back and the door opened. A ship floated out that was sleek and aerodynamic, and painted in a camouflage pattern that did absolutely nothing to disguise it against the rock. I burst out laughing as Captain Sunlight hailed them to confirm that they were indeed the people we’d come to meet. I tried to laugh quietly.

With the drop box closed again, there was space for both small ships to land side by side. Theirs even had an extendable airlock that matched up with ours, saving everyone the inconvenience of getting into exo suits and doing the handoff in whatever atmosphere still clung in the artificial gravity.

I got to do the honors, with Captain Sunlight at hand close behind. I suspect she would have preferred to do it herself, but her little lizardy arms weren’t up to carrying a box this size, and there wasn’t space in the airlock for a hover sled. Simpler to just let the tall human do it.

The airlock opened to show a guy who looked malnourished, stressed, and very relieved to see me. “So glad you found us,” he said in an unfamiliar accent, grabbing the payment tablet before I could offer it. “It’s just one thing after another these days.”

“I bet,” I said. “Have you considered leaving? I have it on good authority that life is terrible around here.”

He handed the tablet back. “Thought about it. Dunno what we’d do for a living.”

I gave him the box, which according to the manifest included fresh chicken eggs, kosher salt, and a selection of media from Earth. “Have you considered a career as a courier?”

He smiled. “I’ll mention it to the crew.”

As he stepped back onto his own ship, I called, “Feel free to follow us out! We probably won’t get caught by anybody horrible on the way!”

I heard a chuckle as the door closed.

Once the airlocks were sorted away and everybody was back in position, Wio took us up from the asteroid, and back toward civilized space. I watched from the doorway while Eggskin kept an eye out for dangers. We made it out of the asteroid zone safely.

And so did the other ship, following close behind us.

~~~

Thanks to everybody who joined in the discussion of spaceship bumper stickers and related things, particularly @lillyjen and @voodootortoise!

These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.

Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.

The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).

[historicrad39a]

2. Enslaved

Previous

Sector -300 +145 outskirts, +28 Rotations and 2 Deci-rotations since invasion start - ~253ly from Ka’Lagrath space, aboard the Slaver ship Mutiny

We had five new prisoners today. Unlike the other eighty-some individuals enslaved aboard this ship, including myself, these creatures were not acquired (as the Ka’Lagrath like to say) through one of their numerous “protection contracts.” Instead, they had been onboard an exploration vessel belonging to a civilization the Ka’Lagrath were supposedly at war with. The Mutiny had been redirected from my species’ homeworld to rendezvous with the Ka’Lagrath warship responsible for successfully “acquiring” these new prisoners.

As the new prisoners were transferred the same hold cell as I, I overhead the warship’s guard warning the Mutiny’s guards to be careful of these new prisoners, as they were supposedly very much against this whole enslavement thing, and would do anything in their power to escape. I was somewhat excited about this news, as I doubted the Ka’Lagrath would be willing to kill, or even gravely harm such rare and therefore “valuable” prisoners - which would make an escape attempt much easier.

My hope was that these new arrivals would be kind enough to break out all of the other prisoners, myself included, were they to be successful. Furthermore, as the Ka’Lagrath were unsure of their exact biology, any attempts at subduing them with gas would be extremely limited in scope. However, these hopes were quickly dashed, as the new arrivals did little but sit in silent unease.

The prisoners were certainly interesting in appearance, they were bipedal and had 2 slender appendages that appeared to be for grabbing/manipulating objects - in this regard they were extremely similar to their Ka’Lagrath captors - however, unlike the Ka’Lagrath, they had long ‘fur’ on their heads, and their skin was something of a tan-ish red color - although this was somewhat obscured by how bright they appeared in infrared.

Curious about them, I attempted to strike up a conversation with them. As I was a (now former) diplomat, I figured there was a good chance we shared at least one language in common. Unfortunately, of the 15 languages I knew, we shared none in common.

It’s worth noting at this point that our species, the Myilrs, are occasionally born with what one might call psychic powers. These powers are both very versatile - allowing communication across species in the absence of a shared language - and very limited - as only very, very few individuals outside the Mailrs were actually compatible. I was fortunate enough to be born with these powers, however, given that the Ka’Lagrath had a keen interest in these powers, were I to be found out, I would likely to be killed and dissected.

Were I to do this, I’d need to be careful. If I extended the range too far, and a compatible Ka’Lagrath guard was within that range, I’d be found out. If they happened to install any anti-psychic countermeasures, I’d get a splitting headache, once again giving me away. Of course, there was also a possibility that none of the five individuals were compatible, their species was completely unknown to me, so it wasn’t as if I knew how compatible their species was on average.

After mulling over it for around a third of a deci-rotation, I made up my mind. Closing my eyes I began to concentrate…

Can you hear me? I asked. The reply was immediate.

What? Who are you? Responded one of the individuals. Their “voice” (if you could call it that) was somewhat high-pitched, it sounded similar to the natural register of we Myilrs, but far higher than any of the Ka’Lagrath. At around the same time, one of the individuals - the smallest of the five - let out a stifled yelp of (what I presumed to be) surprise.

I am the individual sitting across from you, the one currently looking in your direction. I responded. The individual did not respond for a moment.

How are you doing this? Earlier I think you tried speaking to us, but we couldn’t understand. But now you’re… speaking(?) English. They responded.

Does your civilization, - the… English, is it? - have stories of those who can read minds? This is something like that.

The individual shook their head from side to side. No, we call ourselves (people). English is one of our (unknown word). And yes, we do have such stories.

Given the nature of how this power worked, I was reading the intended meaning behind their thoughts. This meant that there would be words (or meanings, rather) that I could not understand.

Well, I guess that’s not important right now. I’m assuming you can still hear me… So, what exactly is it you need? The individual asked.

From what I overheard, you individuals were apparently dangerous enough that the ships’ guards were warned about you trying to escape. Yet from what I see, you are just sitting in silence. Why?

That’s what they were saying? The individual cocked their head. I suppose I can’t blame them after (farmer(?)) bit one of them…

Bit? As in used their mouth to attack? I was under the impression only non-sapient creatures attacked in such ways.

Anyway, we are planning to escape. It’ll just take a few (unknown word, time related?) The individual continued. I’m (Young flower(?)), by the way.

Young flower? I asked

What? The individual responded. I mean, I suppose it originally meant something like that. They continued.

Based on the individual’s reaction, I guessed that what they had just told me was their name. Unfortunately, as most names had meanings, I usually only “heard” the meaning of the name when told via this power. To hopefully combat this, I decided to spend some time actually conversing with the out loud as well as internally to hopefully learn more about them.

Over the course of 2 Deci-rotations, I conversed with the individual known as “Hanako” along with her crew mates. I slowly began to learn their language (of which, they apparently had several), and as a result I now knew more about them.

They called themselves “Humans”, and they were part of an alliance composed of 2 different species. Similar to the Myilrs and Ka’Lagrath, their species was composed of two primary sexes, and numerous genders (whilst Ka’Lagrath also had more than 2 genders, this information was largely repressed). Their homeworld was around a G class Star, and as a result, they couldn’t see into the infrared or Ultraviolet spectrums.

Hanako - the human I had been conversing with - was in command of an exploration vessel. They had been exploring the outermost edges of Human space when their ship was attacked and they were captured. Humans were apparently also rather social creatures, as Hanako seemed to enjoy my company, and her crew mates also seemed to enjoy my presence (as I could not communicate with them directly, this was a bit harder to tell).

I had asked on numerous occasions about if they were planning to escape or not, to which they said they were. However, when I asked how, they couldn’t quite figure out how to describe it. They had assured me they would escape, but strangely it appeared as if they didn’t know how they would.

3 Deci-rotations after the humans first arrived, the Mutiny was stopped to refuel in an uncontrolled star system. In addition, five Ka’Lagrath cruisers had also rendezvoused with the tanker in order to take on fuel. It was during this refueling stop when I began to hear a distinct rumbling sound similar to that of air entering or escaping a room.

There were no vents in this holding cell, nor was the door open or any other way for air to enter or escape, and the air felt perfectly calm. Yet despite that, the ‘flowing air’ sound continued, slowly growing louder and clearer. After several minutes, the sound was impossible to ignore. It was loud enough to drown out conversation, and it made it hard to think clearly. Almost everyone in the cell, including the sole Ka’Lagrath guard, showed signs of anxiety on their faces or fidgeted nervously. I silently wondered if the ship hasn’t sprung a leak, and we were mere moments away from an explosive decompression.

The humans, on the other hand, were dead calm. Worried about their complete lack of concern, I went over to Hanako.

“Why calm?” I managed after struggling for a moment.

A look of confusion crossed Hanako’s face for a moment, she then bared her teeth (in a gesture I was assured was a sign of joy/happiness, rather than an intimidation attempt) before saying “you’ll see!”

Her words thoroughly confused me. What would I see? I didn’t think it was possible to see sound, were humans perhaps capable of seeing sound? Was she referring to the fact the ship was visibly shaking from the noise? I didn’t understand in the slightest.

I turned towards the window - the direction in which the sound seemed to be coming from - and tried to focus. I didn’t understand what was happening at all, I had so many questions that-

My train of thought was abruptly interrupted by a singular large THUD. The vacuum of space itself seemed to shudder as a massive object streaked in from near-luminal speeds before coming to an abrupt stop in less than a second. The aforementioned ‘flowing wind’ sound noticeably decreased in volume, and was partially replaced by a ‘winding down’ noise, a split second later, two more loud THUDs accompanied two more massive objects emerging from out of nowhere at similar speeds and stopping in a similar amount of time. The ‘flowing air’ sound finally came to an end as fifteen or so smaller objects emerged from out of nowhere in a similar fashion.

Despite being separated by the vacuum of space, I could clearly hear the objects. Each one groaned and creaked for several long seconds as they remained motionless. It was then that I recognized the sound. These sounds are almost identical to the noises heard when a ship is traveling through rift-space, and then the sounds heard after emerging from rift-space, as the drives powered down.

This made no sense. Eighteen or so objects - evidently ships of some kind, has just emerged from rift-space right in front of my very eyes. The Mutiny was around 500 light seconds from the system’s primary star - no ship in existence could possibly drop out of rift-space at any location other than near the system’s center of mass. And yet, these ships seemed to have done just that.

The ships’ design was completely unknown to me. Unlike the smooth a bulbous designs of Ka’Lagrath ships, these vessels were very blocky in nature. The center most ship had a long, flat deck behind a vaguely conical bridge. Either side of the primary body were two massive “wings” pointed at a slight angle “downwards”, and 2 strut-like protrusions at an angle extending out from a central tower-like structure on the bottom. Finally, on one side of the primary deck, there was another tower which appeared to be a bridge of some-sort.

Either side of the center most ship were two vaguely trapezoid in shape, with 4 large railgun double-barreled turrets on each wing (2 above and 2 below), totaling 8 turrets (although it seemed as if there were more behind the forward facing turrets). Above what looked like an embedded bridge was an enormous triple-barreled railgun turret, and there was another directly below in on the bottom of the ship. I had never seen such large railguns before - these were definitely far larger than the 23cm railguns commonplace on Ka’Lagrath vessels. Finally, both ships had an insane amount of secondary railgun turrets dotted along their hulls.

The smaller ships were less impressive, but still formidable. They were a boxy shape with a single large ‘humps’ above their center. On either side of the bridge of the ships sat dual barreled railgun turrets, and the hump contained 4 large openings that were likely for a weapon of some kind.

All in all, the eighteen ships sat in ominous silence for long seconds. The Ka’Lagrath fleet reacted instantly, all five cruisers began turning to engage the enemy fleet. Turrets rotated and hatches opened as the cruisers began to prepare for battle. The mysterious fleet, did not wait idly by, instead, around a hundred or so small craft began to emerge from the ‘back’ of the center most ship before charging at the Ka’Lagrath fleet. Following behind the small craft were the fifteen or so smaller vessels that had emerged from rift-space a moment ago. The front most ship rotated its turrets and loosed 4 rounds towards one of the Ka’Lagrath cruisers. Hell began to break loose as the Ka’Lagrath and the mysterious ship began exchanging fire.

The Mutiny was rocked by numerous impacts as the small crafts dove at it, releasing some sort of payload before darting away to attack a different target. These ships moved as if they were flying through an atmosphere, rather than the vacuum of space, which was extremely odd. Although, nothing about this situation was normal so far.

Bafflingly, as the rounds hit their target, there would occasionally be an explosion following it. This meant that, for whatever reason, these ships used explosives rounds rather than simple metal slugs. What’s more, the rounds likely contained an oxidizer as well in order to facilitate the explosion.

One of the smaller ships charged at a Ka’Lagrath vessel and four slow (compared to the railgun rounds) projectiles were deployed from the hump on the ship’s back. Noticing the lack of speed from the projectiles, the Ka’Lagrath cruiser attempted to dodge - the projectiles turned to match its course. The cruiser tried everything it could to make the projectiles miss, but it was ultimately futile. All four of the projectiles hit their mark, and the Ka’Lagrath cruiser was torn in half by an enormous explosion.

It was at around this point when I noticed that the eight forward-facing turrets on one of the two larger ships began to rotate, each pair of turrets seeming to track a different target. Each pair eventually locked onto their target and slowly tracked it for long seconds.

Then, massive plumes of fire and smoke were expelled from each barrel in sequence as the massive guns fired. They were using not railguns, but ancient explosive-propelled shells shot from a cannon. All hell broke loose, as the remaining four Cruisers all but disintegrated in massive explosions. All the ships that had been attacking a moment ago suddenly began falling back as the spine-mounted turret on one of the large ships slowly began to rotate.

Fear. That’s the only emotion I felt as I stared down the three massive barrels on the central turret. The Mutiny, the ship I was currently on, was its next target. Time stood still as the turret coldly tracked the Mutiny as it attempted to flee. Then, three massive plumes of fire and smoke exploded out of the barrels as I braced myself for impact.

The Mutiny shook with such intensity that it felt as if it were being torn apart. The ship screeched and screamed in agony as fire enveloped the hallways. The power died but the emergency light were of little use compared to the flames currently licking the door to the hallway. Somehow, we had survived. The ship was completely dead, but it would take time before the air supplies ran out.

The central turret began rotating back to its neutral position as several ships that looked something like a needle with a cone-like top were deployed from the center most ship and began speeding this way. The ships charged at the Mutiny, seemingly determined to ram the thing. I was sure they were intending to slice through the Mutiny’s hull, damning those of us still alive to boil or freeze to death in the vacuum of space. But at the last second, retro-rockets fired on each of the pin-shaped craft followed shortly thereafter by the intense screeching of metal penetrating metal. I was knocked off my feet as each of the pin-shaped craft slammed into the Mutiny’s hull. One of the ships had come to a rest no more than 20 meters away from the cell we currently occupied.

The fires in the hallway had died down, and any Ka’Lagrath guards who had survived the impacts were scrambling throughout the darkened hallways. Sparks flew from the points of contact of the closest ship accompanied by the electric sounds of welding. After a moment, the sparks and noise died down only to be immediately followed by the sounds of metal being torn through by an immense force. Then once more there was pure silence.

*pop pop, pop pop*

Four distinct popping noises were shortly followed by barely audible Ka’Lagrath screams. There were other voices too, they were somewhat muffled and mechanical in nature meaning I could not decipher them.

*BOOM*

*pop pop pop, pop, pop*

The distinct sound of an explosion followed by more of the previous popping sounds. Looking into the hallway I saw several Ka’Lagrath guards running towards the source of the noise. I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but it seemed they were rather panicked. A group of around ten guard were running down the hall when-

*THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK*

A much heavier “thunking” sound began ringing out, as hundreds of orange trails whizzed by tearing the Ka’Lagrath guards to shreds. The residual “tings” of many objects hitting the floor was audible after that terrifying machine stopped firing.

A few seconds later I saw a creature in thick armor wearing a helmet with a black visor peer through the door and into the room.

“Over here!” I heard them shout in the Human’s tongue. Several more individuals rushed over to the door as Hanako spoke up.

“Get away from the [unknown word]”, I didn’t need to know what the last word was to understand that I needed to get out of the way, and fast. I scrambled away from the door as the (presumably human) individuals fiddled with the door. An eerie silence fell over the room, as every individual was herded to the corner furthest from the door. The silence was occasionally broken by rapid pops and the occasional boom. It was right when I was about to speak up when-

BOOM

The door was blown off its mount as it flew across the room, impacting the wall opposite of it. The armoured individuals stormed the room, the smoke from the recent explosion twisting around their figures as they emerged from the smoking entrance. One of the armoured individuals spotted the humans and immediately ran over to them.

I could not decipher most of their conversation, but what started as the armoured individual checking on the humans in concern quickly turned into something resembling an argument. I would need to ask Hanako about it when I got the chance. After the (what I assumed to be an) argument went on for far too long, the armoured individual gave off an air of exasperation before dejectedly speaking into some device.

After another few moments, the armoured individual began speaking to Hanako, and she relayed that we were supposed to follow a few of the armoured individuals back to their ship. At the time I was still greatly confused, but by doing this my fate would be irreversibly changed as I got involved in a conflict that would change the course of history…

Hey Y’all, long time no see. It’s been two or so months since I last updated this series, as explained in this post I’ve been very busy, but going forward I’ll be trying to update this series every other Monday or so (and failing that, the 3rd Monday of every month). That aside I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it ended up being quite a bit longer than I initially expected which is part of why it took so long.

I’m currently undecided about whether the next entry I write will be an intermission, or a full-blown chapter. The contents wouldn’t differ much, if at all. So far the actual chapters have been from an alien perspective, rather than a human/familiar one. But I’m not sure if it’s worth keeping this up “naming scheme” going forward. I still like the idea of alternating, but the issue is that of “are the entries labeled ‘1, intermission, 2, intermission…’ or just ‘1, 2, 3, 4…’” if any of you have strong opinions on this, please let me know.

Once again I hope you enjoyed, and I’ll (hopefully) see y’all in 2 weeks or so!

~Rad

Read the next entry here

[renatogpadilla]

Genuine question:

So here's the thing, plain and simple: I want to start earning money while finishing up my career, but have no artistic skill. I enjoy making the occasional DnD Homebrew, so I could translate that into a slight little venture if anybody would be interested, as well as translations and writing help and checking typos for Spanish (Castilian) from English or the other way around. Maybe even writing some Humans are Space Orcs, if people would like! (NOTHING NSFW! Just covering my bases here...) I also handle a little Photoshop if that also helps... While I'm doing that would that be something you are all interested in? I know a lot of people get on that sort of thing here on Tumblr, so I thought I'd give it a go! What do you think is a good way to start? Ko-Fi? I would really appreciate some advice! Would a side-blog be better for this sort of thing...?

[rockatanskette]

One of the running themes in "humans are space orcs" circles is the idea that humans will bond with anything. I can think of plenty of stories of humans making friends with wild animals, alligators, predators, creatures that aliens would immediately recognize as too dangerous for contact. But I was reading a story about two orangutans released back into the wild today and there's a certain element to that story I haven't seen so often: humans will bond with animals regardless of whether the bond is reciprocal.

For every story of a human making friends with some unlikely creature, there are dozens of stories of conservation specialists tranquilizing animals, tending to their wounds or illness, and releasing them because they're too dangerous to handle consciously. Stories of tagging birds of prey and timber wolves and Siberian tigers. Fat Bear Week? Any of those bears would rip your face off without hesitation. But they're round and fluffy and intimidating and beautiful and we love them even though they hate us. We make an effort to protect our monsters, because we love our monsters.

Imagine an alien planet that's experiencing ecological degradation. Their flora is dying, and they can't figure out why. And, offhandedly, in a diplomatic mission, an allied planet mentions that humans have successfully reversed similar devastation on Earth. So they reach out and Earth sends some experts to check it out. And what do they suggest? Reintroducing an apex predator that used to be a scourge against alien settlements. The species still exists in other regions of the planet, but it is slowly disappearing outside of its native habitat.

The aliens are askance. They've told bedtime stories to their young of these creatures: how they tear apart their prey, how they've eaten their organs and rip apart their homes. Some suggest that it's a trick—that the humans are trying to prompt them into destroying themselves.

But there are many alien cultures on this planet, with many different stories and some of them agree. The world watches in anticipation as the humans help their predators. They seek them out, these fearless otherworlders, putting them to sleep and tending their wounds. They keep track of the beasts, not to harm them, but to protect them.

At first the doomsayers' prophecy seems to come true. The predators devour prey animals like a feast, like a slaughter to people who have never been so close to the circle of life. But then, slowly, not over months but over years, comes change. The prey no longer eat the leaves and buds of every tree; some are left to bloom and fall. The refuse rots in the dirt, and the floods cease as the soil grows thick with compost and rotted bone, thick enough to hold water. The shapes of rivers change to protect their surroundings from the rain. The pollinators rebound.

Decades later, other cities and nations begin to accept this human myth of "conservation." Champions arise, alien champions, now, who go into the depths of the wilderness and the seas to protect those predators from the apathy of time.

Not all of them make it. This is something else the humans teach. Sometimes the tranquilizers are not enough. Sometimes the timing is wrong. Sometimes accidents happen. And when they do, the aliens look to humans for an answer for why they should protect these creatures who have killed those they love?

"Because they knew the risks," the humans say. "Because they would be the first to speak to save them. Because they taught you to see the beauty in the wild and you must not close your eyes."

So, despite themselves, they don't.

[n1ght0f-nyx]

WOVEN BONDS IS AMAZING!!!!! Pls make part 2,3,4,5,6 😭🫡💖

woven bonds pt 2

this was very requested so here we are!!

You've been sold to an orc by your father, and after shutting yourself in for a few weeks, youve finally started to come to enjoy your new husbands company

warnings/tags- bedrotting, arranged marrige but pertah loves you so thats nice, pert'ah speaks with semi-broken english

word count- 1167

The days that followed were filled with silence, but it was a different kind of silence. No longer filled with the heavy weight of anger or hopelessness, it was instead filled with uncertainty. Pert'ah continued his routine—bringing you food, speaking to you in soft tones, always giving you space while he worked outside or wove intricate tapestries by the hearth. He never pushed, never demanded anything from you.

Yet, you felt a change inside yourself.

It was small at first. One morning, after he had left a bowl of fruit by your bedside, you reached out and took a piece, biting into it with a sense of resignation. It was sweeter than you had expected, and you found yourself eating more. That night, you ate a bit of the stew he left. It wasn’t the same as the dishes from your old home, but it was warm, hearty, and made with care.

Pert'ah noticed. You could see the relief in his eyes when he glanced at the empty bowl later that day. He didn’t say anything, but the gentle way his lips turned upward spoke volumes. 

As days passed, you started to leave the bed for longer periods. You’d sit by the window and watch him work outside. Pert'ah would spend hours weaving, his large hands surprisingly nimble as they guided the threads into beautiful patterns. Sometimes, he would carve small figures out of wood or clay, his concentration deep as he brought the raw materials to life. The more you watched him, the more you saw the softness behind his hardened exterior. There was an artistry to everything he did, a careful thoughtfulness.

Slowly, you began to speak to him.

It wasn’t much at first—a word here, a question there—but Pert'ah’s eyes lit up each time you addressed him. His responses were always careful, his voice soft and unsure as if he feared saying the wrong thing and scaring you away.

One evening, you found yourself standing outside the hut, watching him work on a large tapestry. The orange light from the setting sun filtered through the trees, casting warm shadows over his figure. He glanced up when he noticed you, his brow furrowing slightly as if he couldn’t believe you were there.

"I… I work on this for winter," he said, standing up slowly, dusting off his hands. "Keep us warm."

You nodded, stepping closer. The tapestry was beautiful, its rich colors weaving together in patterns of leaves and flowers. It was unlike anything you had ever seen, a testament to his skill.

"It’s… it’s beautiful," you said softly, your voice quiet but sincere.

Pert'ah’s eyes widened slightly. He looked at you as though you had given him the greatest compliment in the world. His lips parted, but he didn’t speak right away. Instead, he took a step toward you, his large hand tentatively reaching out as though he wanted to touch your arm, but he hesitated.

"You think so?" he asked, his voice low, almost shy. "I… I make it for you. For us."

You felt something in your chest stir at his words, a warmth that was unfamiliar but not unpleasant. Pert'ah had been nothing but kind to you, patient in a way you had never expected from an orc. And now, as you stood in the golden light of dusk, watching him look at you with such raw vulnerability, you realized you were no longer as angry as you once were.

In the days that followed, you found yourself drawn to him more and more. Pert'ah would tell you stories of his clan, how he had been raised as a weaver and how orc culture was not as warlike as humans believed. He would sit by the fire in the evenings, his deep voice filling the room as he spoke of the orcs’ long history of craftsmanship, of art, and of building rather than destroying.

And slowly, your barriers began to crumble.

One night, after dinner, you sat together in the hut, the fire crackling softly as you both shared a quiet moment. Pert'ah was working on another carving, his large fingers skillfully shaping the wood into something delicate. You watched him for a while, fascinated by the contrast between his size and the gentleness of his craft.

"Why… why do you make so many things?" you asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

Pert'ah paused, looking up at you with a small smile. "I make because I love it. It make world… more beautiful." His eyes softened as they met yours. "And now… I make for you."

The way he said it, so simple and yet so full of meaning, made your heart skip a beat. Pert'ah wasn’t just making things to fill the space. He was making them for you, offering pieces of himself in every woven thread and carved figure. 

Over time, Pert'ah became more than just the orc you had been forced to marry. He became the person you looked forward to seeing each day, the one who spoke to you with care and treated you with a tenderness that slowly melted away your fears.

Pert'ah, for his part, was falling deeper in love with you with each passing day. He adored every small smile you gave him, every word you spoke. It was as though you were the center of his world now, and he wanted nothing more than to make you happy. He would wake up early to prepare your meals, always trying new dishes to see which ones you liked. He would carve small figures for you, weaving your favorite flowers into tapestries.

His love grew more intense, almost obsessive, but never in a way that felt suffocating. He watched you with reverence, always making sure to give you the space you needed, but it was clear in his eyes—Pert'ah was head over heels in love. You had become his muse, his heart, and every moment with you only deepened his feelings.

One night, as you sat together by the fire, Pert'ah spoke softly, his voice filled with emotion.

"[Name]… I never think I can feel like this. You make my heart… full." He hesitated, as if searching for the right words. "I love you. I love you more than anything. I do anything for you. Alway.."

Your breath caught in your throat at his confession. You could feel the depth of his feelings, the way his eyes searched yours for any sign of rejection or acceptance.For the first time, you didn’t shy away. Instead, you reached out, placing your hand gently on his. His skin was warm, rough but comforting beneath your touch.

"I don’t know if I’m ready to say that yet," you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "But… I do care about you, Pert'ah."

His face lit up with a smile so wide it made your heart flutter. "That enough for me. I wait for you..alway.."

And for the first time since your marriage, you smiled back.

[adrenalineaquaries]

Something I was randomly thinking of while scrolling through the 'Humans are space orcs' tag.

Aliens are perplexed about a human's physical abilities and appearance (and mental strength but that's for another time), right?

I want to know how humans react to this knowledge. I want to see a human struggling to comprehend why aliens find humans scary. Aliens. The galactic creatures that have tentacles, horns, multiple eyes, could be insanely tall, have claws, sharp teeth, yada yada. And yet humans terrify them? Humans. These short, fleshy creatures that have limited ability with their skinny legs and their small fingers. These squishy beings that can barely understand their own species and can (almost) never get along. These weird abominations that either don't die despite falling off of a mountain side or instantly destroys half of their bodily system by falling down a few flight of stairs.

Of course, humans are the one's thinking this way. Many of them don't consider themselves to be anything special or even interesting and then suddenly, aliens think that they are amongst the most vicious creatures in the universe??? They don't understand why??? And there’s just confusion on both sides.

I'm just rambling at this point but I really just wanted to write this down.

Also bonus:

---------------------------

"You...think I'm scary?" The human pointed to xemself.

Tynid nodded. How could xe not? Humans were scarily powerful. They were durable, had good endurance, fast, agile, strong, a predator, and were venomous. Xe is just scratching the surface, if xe was being honest. So why did the human look so...unsure?

"I...really don't get why you all are scared. I mean, look at you!" The human gestured to Tynid. "You're tall, have horns, has a tail that could probably snap my bones in one swing- just." The human fell silent.

"I'm...we're not that scary, we can't be that scary compared to other sentient life out there. It just doesn't make sense..."

Tynid didn't know how to feel. Why is the human so convinced that xe wasn't scary? Why is xe so convinced that they were all scarier? Was xe unaware of xes own prowess? Were all humans like this?

-cutting it off here because I don't know how to write sci-fi; also cus I don't know what I'm doing-

---------------------------

Also, what do aliens think of countries and the different languages? I'm curious what would happen if an alien met someone from the Nordic countries or from Southeastern Asia or from an African country. Just some food for thought.

[salfishersimp2]

I love everything about this

Tbh this has been on my mind for MONTHS

Human codes… but they’re not actually codes??

A small group of humans is discovered by some curious aliens. Both sides can assume that the other is sentient. The aliens are trying to translate the humans’ language to their own, and the humans are trying to learn the aliens’ language. But since humans are tricky, they’ve decided that they don’t want the aliens to know their language, so they can have secret conversations.

So they go a little crazy. With written words, they randomly use lowercase and capital letters, even using numbers and symbols, and use a lot of slang, occasionally using words incorrectly on purpose. They’ll jumble the words a bit so that only human brains can guess their meaning (that thing where if you use all the letters and put the proper letters at the beginning and end it’ll be comprehensible), and even use additional or unofficial languages (commonly known words like ‘hola’, ‘si’, ‘oui’, etc, and piglatin, in which you typically take the first letter or syllable of a word, place it at the end, and add ‘ay’ to the end).

As for spoken words, they will do a bit of the above, mashing languages and slang, perhaps mispronouncing a few things, and quoting memes, vines, movies, and even singing parts of songs to throw off the aliens. Perhaps they will say something with a somber meaning in a joyful way to throw off the meaning, or even just naturally (‘I wanna die!’ ‘Mood’), or vice versa.

Additionally, there would have to be a TON of body language. Maybe even sign language, should they know any. Gestures and expressions, eyebrow wiggles and poorly-hidden grins. Ah, the beauties of communication.

[honeii-puff]

Ive started exploring the "Humans are space orcs" tag and i now would like to add my piece to the wonders of it.

Humans have evolved to eat certain foods and plants that were meant to be poisonous, like cocoa and mint. Imagine the other species of aliens cant eat this stuff either.

Let me paint the picture:

Human: *about to bite into a bar of mint chocolate* Alien: *Smacks chocolate bar out of hand* Human: *Frowns* what was that for?! Alien: I read the organized list of ingredients on the packaging of this human treat you were about to ingest two highly poisonous ingredients! Human: Reall? Alien: Yes! Mint and Cocoa! Human:... Those aren't poisonous. Alien: Yes they are! The death rate that is caused by these ingredients is very high! I've seen it in my reports on Terra! Human: What were these reports on? Alien: The fauna of your home planet! It said that the ingestion of these will kill you, like it kills us! Human:..I've had this before. Alien: *horrified face* So you've been purposefully ingesting poison?! Human: What?! no! It just doesn't affect us. Some other animals on Earth can get hurt by it but- Alien: So does every other species that I have come into contact with! You humans are weird creatures.

[i-mean-technically]

nah man you know what

enough with the 'uwu humans are fragile' in the transformers fandoms

gimme humans that are FERAL and are literal space orcs on a hell planet that tries every day to kill them even when its a nice day!

our games as children teach us hunting/evading/pursuit skills. Hide and Seek anyone? we learn to hide from enemies, how to track them down, and how to run them down if playing hide and seek: tag edition.

lets take Earthspark for example.

yes the cybertronians are Much Larger than us and that's Scary bc we're just a Little Guy but also once we get over that fear they become jungle gyms. you literally cannot tell me that (willing) autobots would not have at least 20 soldiers climbing all over their frames, using them as a the 'quick route' to get onto tall walkaways instead of having to go down the hall a quarter of a mile, take a left, take an elevator, and then climb stairs to reach the correct catwalk.

Wheeljack introduces a new weapon? the humans go "ooooo NICE but add a flame thrower."

"Why"

"bc i want to be able to toast marshmallows while i shoot shit with this thing"

just humans being their little weird humans selves and giving cybertronians on both sides heart attacks with the stupid shit we do

[antimony-medusa]

Is that— bells ringing? Keyboards clacking? The sound of two thousand stressed writers pancing furiously about the floor? Ah yes, Yuletide.

Hello. MCYTblr. I am back again.

You are looking fine today as we move towards the end of the year. Is that a new cologne you're trying? New shirt? New glasses? It's working for you. How have I been? Well.

Well.

*I smack the wall, curtains spring aside, revealing my flip chart presentation that I've had lying in wait*

It is time for me to talk to you about Yuletide again. I was here earlier during tag nominations, but it's sign-up time, and I want to make sure everybody has a change to participate in this if they want to.

What's Yuletide?

Yuletide is an annual mega-exchange for small and rare fandoms. It runs in the close of the year, with a 1000 word minimum for gifts, with gifts revealed anonymously on the 25th of December and de-anoned on the 1st of January. It is easily the biggest exchange in multi-fandom-exchange-world, and last year more than 1,350 people signed up.

Why does everyone sign up?

Well, it's tradition, for one. There are a lot of people that only do Yuletide as their big exchange every year. It's a big holiday spectacle, it's really fun to see it operate and see pinch hits come out and get nabbed in minutes, and people kind of put on their holiday outfits and turn out for it.

For another thing, if you are in a small fandom, it's the one exchange where you can actually have a shot of getting a gift for an obscure manga fandom, or an out-of-print book, or a tv show from the eighties. If your fandom has five people in it, the odds are higher than average that two of them are signing up for this exchange, and hey presto, suddenly you're matchable in your fandom for an obscure podcast.

For another, and this is the biggie, the fact that this is an exchange for small and rare fandoms has led to a certain tradition and vibe for the fandoms that people nominate. People bring their most obscure and fun ideas, going, "hehehehe wouldn't it be fun if someone wrote a story about this", and into the tag set it goes. There is SUCH a spectrum of fandoms in the tag set.

This year there are 4,263 fandoms and 16,735 characters in the tag set. Let me just skim through and look at some of them.

There are commercials, web sketches, art pieces, songs, music videos, board games, podcasts, a dizzying assortment of anthropomorphising different places, items, and ideas, and RPF from a marvelous variety of historical periods (so, y'know, historical fiction if it was published professionally). There are people who nominated tik tok sketches. Twitter threads. A bridge. Book binding techniques. You ever wanted to write a romance between Knitting and Crochet? That's in the tag set, and someone wants to prompt you to do that. Happy Yuletide.

So if you are at all the sort of person who likes a prompt challenge, BOY is this one just a MARVELOUS one. I know I personally am going to be signing up for Humans are Space Orcs (tumblr post) and Fandom Exchanges (Anthropomorphic) amid my more traditional fandoms.

And as for my more traditional fandoms, and the reason why this post has the tags it does (I would get to it eventually)— there is a lot of MCYT in the tag set! I put out a post saying GUYS, the smaller fandoms might apply for this, and BOY did people show up for it. I scanned through it, and the MCYT (and adjacent) that made it in is:

Karmaland SMP

Legacy SMP

Lifesteal SMP

Moonlight SMP

New Life SMP

Outsiders SMP

Rats SMP

SMPEarth

SMPLive

Witchcraft SMP

Pirates SMP

Mianite

Slimecicle Cinematic Universe

SBI Rust

Generation Loss

You could make an entire sign up, 3 minimum requests and 4 minimum requests, and only select MCYT fandoms. The wild thing is that you can only select a max of 10 fandoms to offer, so you actually couldn't offer all of the MCYT. ZombieCleo Witchraft SMP is in. Tommyinnit SMPEarth. Clownpierce Lifesteal. Tubbo SBI Rust. Oli Rats SMP. A wealth of options for the block folks.

So come, join me! What's that? You say this sounds excellent, you're in? You want to know how to sign up? Well this post is already long enough so I'm putting the rest below a cut.

You sign up on the collection here, using fandoms listed in the tagset here. Before you do so though, I'd recommend you check out the blog, especially their "how to sign up" post here, because even if you're used to exchanges, the way Yuletide works is a little bit different. Let me do a quick breakdown here.

Requests

# of Fandoms

You have to select a minimum of 3 fandoms that you are Requesting (a gift that you want made for you), up to a maximum of 6 fandoms. Each fandom has to be unique. For each fandom, you can request between 0 to 4 characters in that fandom, and 0 means "literally you can hit me with anybody", and the up-to-4 characters are the people you definately want to show up in the fic.

AND MATCHING

This is one of the things that Yuletide does differently, because most fandom exchanges do "or" matching, where they match you on either characer A OR character B, (maybe you only offered character B) and you can pick among any of the selected characters on the person's request to write for. Because Yuletide does AND matching, you will only be matched if you offered every single one of the characters the person has selected, and then you get to write for every single one they have listed in their fandom, unless they say differently in their letter. If they requested character A and Character B, you get to deliver a gift that includes them both, according to the rules.

Bu like, in practice, a lot of people are a bit more like "you can pick only one of these guys if you'd like", because that is how everyone is used to things running in most other exchanges, plus people don't want to be too picky, so you can specify in your letter if you definately 100% want characters A, B, and C, or if you're fine with just A, or just A and C, or whatever constellation of characters you're chill with.

This year they have added optional freeform tags you will click on, that will specify either A) use every single one of these guys I selected. B) I have specified in my letter which guys I need for sure and which ones you can swap, C) Dealer's Choice Of Guys Go Crazy.

DNW and Optional Details

Yuletide is an "Optional Details Are Optional" (ODAO) exchange, so technically you could request (or receive) an offer that just has the characters and then you get to go absolutely buckwild for the two month writing period. Most people, however, do not want to do that, so that is where you'll put in Do Not Wants (anything that would ruin the gift for you, from major archive warnings to kinks that you don't vibe with to headcanons you loathe), and some prompts and/or likes for your person to jump off of.

DNWs absolutely must be abided by, and breaking a person's DNW is grounds for getting turfed from the exchange. Following a person's prompts or lists of likes is technically optional, but definately best practice, and y'know, part of the whole spirit of the exchange. Most people are doing their best to adhere to both the DNW and the Optional Details when they do their gift.

You can just format your DNW and Optional Details on the Ao3 signup page (easy, fast), or you can link them offsite in a letter (fancy, you can do formatting, people do them in google docs or dreamwidth pages (the traditional and more accessible option)). There's a tradition of people posting their letter links here, so that people can get an idea for what sort of prompts and signups people are offering, and make sure they're matchable to people with especially fun ideas. Note: you do have to duplicate the data if you're doing a letter, cause if you put your DNW in your letter but NOT in your Ao3, the mods won't enforce it.

And while we're here, that last link is to a community blog that includes a place where you can promo your fandoms to lure people into signing up for your guys, or participate in mini-challenges within yuletide for people who specificially want poly relationships (Three Doves Challenge), or characters of colour (Chromatic Yuletide), or horror/darkfic (Crueltide), or smut (Yuleporn), or art (Wrapping Paper), or even more. There's even a poetry challenge!

Offers

# of Fandoms

You have to sign up with a minimum of 4 fandoms, to a maximum of 10, for fandoms you are Offering (a gift you are willing to make). You must offer at least 2 characters for each fandom, to a maximum of 20— but there's also an "any" tick box if you want to go full "hit me, I like a challenge" and you'll write anything (in the tag set) within a fandom. Each of your fandoms must be unique.

Writing Period:

Signups are open through the 21st, with assignments out by the 23rd, and then you have until the 18th of December to deliver your gift.

Important Notes

You must be 18 or over to participate in Yuletide (because you might be matched with someone who requests smut), and signups close on 9pm UTC on Saturday, 21 October.

There's a known issue where the safari browser isn't letting people sign up properly, (when you get an exchange this big sometimes things break), so they say to either sign up on mobile or use a different browser. So that will be fun for me.

--

And that's it! Yuletide! Just under a week left to sign up, and 351 people have signed up as I write this letter at 1:30am. I just refreshed it and now it's 352. You can sign up on the Ao3 page here!

JOIN ME EXCHANGES SUCH FUN LETS GO.

[y-rhywbeth2]

Naming Systems

For the humans and tieflings of Baldur's Gate (and half-orcs and half-elves who follow human naming systems rather than that of their non-human culture) Dwarves, elves and others will be done another time to save space.

Obviously I imagine you've all named your Tavs and Durges by now, but idk, I felt like doing this and maybe you've got random background OCs to name.

Sometimes people like to name their kids after gods. Like "Helm" and "Torm".

Chondathan

By far the most common names and surnames in Baldur's Gate (including non-human names).

Quite often people have no official surnames and use locations and vocations as surnames, like in real life (Blackgate, Cliffgate, Tumbledown, Tailor, Gardner)

Families of Cormyrean descent usually favour portmanteau surnames: Evenwood, Breakwood, Ironwinter, Summergate, Amblecrown, etc.

Residents of the Dalelands who move abroad often use the name of their Dale and shorten it. For example, Barantra from Tasseldale upon moving to Baldur's Gate would call herself "Barantra Tassel" and her descendants might continue to use that as a surname.

Dales: Archen, Scar, Tassel, Deeping, Harrow, Battle, Feather, High, Mistle, Shadow, Moon*, Sessren*, Tarkhal*, Teshen*, Dagger, Merry* *These dales have fallen to history. In the case of Merrydale, the name was changed to Daggerdale after an incident involving a brutal vampire infestation that led to a lot of violence and made everybody suspicious and hostile, so these surnames would indicate it's been a long time since your ancestors left the Dalelands.

Sembian families like to invent newer and grander surnames, in an attempt to make themselves look rich and important. This is less likely to be seen in the Western Heartlands, but I suppose it still may occur. Families often hyphenate their names so you might meet "Shandri Clarandal-Tarlroyal", or "Roakyn Dauncrown-Sardar"

-

Canon common given names: Masculine: Darvin, Dorn, Evendur, Gorstag, Grim, Helm, Malark, Morn, Randal, Stedd. Feminine: Arveene, Esvele, Jhessail, Kerri, Lureene, Miri, Rowan, Shandri, Tessele. (Plus a few dozen more I'm not typing out)

While the following isn't exactly canon I feel like you can get a name that "sounds about right" by breaking the syllables down and shoving on a syllable that goes on the end.

Like with the names "Lureene" and "Arveene", the ending is "eene" and you get the syllables "Lur" and "Arv". Then you could get new names by taking, idk, "Kerri" and "Miri". Ker+ri, Mi+ri = Lurri and Kereene and Arvri. Mieene doesn't really sound right, but idk.

Syllables Dar, Dor, D, Even, Gor, Gors, Gr, Mal, M, Rand, Ran, St, S, Arv, Esv, Jhes, Ker, Shand, Bev, Tes, Al, Ald, Alvae, And, Gal, Galag, Cath, Coran, Bold, Bol, Elbas, Ind, Jath, Ont, Prend, Baran, Coel, Dar, Em, Shar, Galiy, Hael, Saldv, Dal, Torv, Varan, Joy, Sar, Pip, Nan, Zor, Nok, Rorn, Far, Soor, Mi

Endings Masculine: -in, -vin, -orn, -dur, -ur, -tag, -stag, -im, -ark, -al, -dal, -edd, -arl, -rel, -rus, -us, -or, -ion, -stion, -ond, -dor, -yn, -dyn, -yk, -ryk, -ke, -il

Gorion, Darvin, Malryk, Tesor, Jathstag...

Feminine: -eene, -ele, -sail, -ri, -dra, -tra, -ra, -la, -ria, -ara, -arra, -one, -ue, -due, -syl, -ala, -ys, -ae, -naem, -ice, -e

Shandra, Miele, Darla, Arvone, Sarice, Cathtra, Bevra...

-

Alzhedo

The second most common group of names heard in the Gate, although early in the city's history I suspect Calishite and Illuskan names were more common. I note that "Jaheira" is likely an Alzhedo name (which makes sense, she's from Tethyr).

So, Calishite filial piety and subsequent naming standards are very detailed and specific: "A person is worthless without the identity gained by his name and that of his family."

A slave will have their given name and the name of the family that "owns" them. A large part of the population of Baldur's Gate are descended from former slaves, exiles and dissidents of the Calishite Shoon Empire, and would likely have originally borne names under that system.

In this case it's [name] adh [master's surname] So for example, Hamlil adh Tahandral. It's possible that it Hamlil had migrated northwards with her family that one of her descendants might be Miri Tahandral or something.

A freeman would list their title/s, their given name, their matronym or patronym, their family name, and their home town.

So if your name is Aseid, your father is Haseir, you're of House Dumein and you live in Baldur's Gate then: your full name, in the traditional manner, is "Aseid yn Haseir el Dumein yi Baldur's Gate," while if you have a sister, Ceidil daughter of Atala is called "Ceidil yr Atala el Dumein yi Baldur's Gate."

Adding your hometown onto the end is usually not necessary, and using it all the time is a sign of civic pride.

Diaspora, such as the Baldurians, usually drop the articles. Aseid Haseir Dumein Ceidil Atala Dumein.

Aseid may chose to use a matronym, Aseid Atala. This deliberately draws attention to her identity over her husband's which is unusual. It implies that his mother is particularly high ranking or infamous. Likewise Cidil may name herself Ceidil Haseir.

Clergy traditionally replace their family with their god, so if Aseid decides to go to the Rose Portal shrine and take up life in service to Lathander, he will be "Aseid el Lathander" or "Aseid Lathander".

Syllables As, Am, And, Bard, Has, Khem, Khe, Meh, Sud, Sudei, Zash, At, Ceid, Cei, Ha, Ham, Jah, Jas, Mei, Meil, Seip, Sei, Yash, Bash, Dum, Jas, Khal, Kha, Most, Mos, Pash, Amj, Tah, Tahan, Bhal, Mjo

Endings: M: -eid, -eir, -ed, -med, -en, -men, -man, -ad, -id, -al, -ein, -an, -ar, -ein, -san, -ir

Amen, Mehsan, Khemad, Zashein...

F: -ala, -edia, -eira, -eda, -il, -a, -ma, -al, -lil, -ida, -eina, -ana, -ara, -eina, -sana, -ira

Jaheira, Bhalil, Yashana, Tahma...

?: -sha

Canon common names: Masculine: Aseir, Bardeid, Haseid, Khemed, Mehmen, Sudeiman, Zashtir. Feminine: Atala, Сеidil, Hama, Jasmal, Meilil, Seipora, Yasheira, Zasheida. Common house names: Dumein, Jasan, Khalid, Mostana, Pashar, Rein.

-

Illuskan

Third most common group.

I can't find much of anything about how naming systems are supposed to work for Illuskans.

Some don't use them at all.

Some go for patronyms and matronyms: -sson and -sdottir, so you get like, Malcersson and Cefreysdottir. These do not seem to be common. Some surnames are: "Kurth", "Helder", "Rethnor", "Stornar", "Rhuul"... This is entirely headcanon/guessing, but maybe they're patronyms and matronyms with the suffix removed? Luthin Cefreysdottir -> Luthin Cefrey?

Some gain names for themselves, self-bestowed or bestowed by reputation, based on aspects of themselves or their deeds that they're proud of or that give them fame: Nimoar "the Reaver", Ornar "of the Claw".

Most have surnames of some kind, some are portmanteaus: "Tenfeather", "Hornraven", "Windrivver", "Hathwinter", "Brightwood", "Lackman", "Stormwind", "Gnarlybone." This seems to be the most common form of surname. I'm entirely hypothesising, but Illuskan cultures value bravery and strength (particularly in battle) so I'd assume those are deed-names, possibly inherited from a famous ancestor?

Syllables: And, Bla, Bl, Br, Fr, G, Lan, Land, L, Mal, Malc, Sto, Tam, Am, Ama, Be, Beth, Ce, Keth, Mar, Ol, Sili, West, Wes, Or, Alas, Aga, Jaun, Von, Oj, Ost. Uth, Nash

Endings: M: -er, -ath, -ran, -eth, -uth, -der, -or, -an, -nar, -gar

Nasher, Oruth, Landgar, Ander, Vonor, Westran...

F: -frey, -tha, -ra, -ga, -tra, -da, -in, -ya

Agatha, Ojya, Malda, Stoya, Ceda, Luthin...

Canon common names: Masculine: Ander, Blath, Bran, Frath, Geth, Lander, Luth, Maler, Stor, Taman, Urth. Feminine: Amafrey, Betha, Cefrey, Kethra, Mara, Olga, Silifrey, Westra.

-

Rashemi (Gur)

The Gur still speak a variant of the proto-Rashemi tongue amongst themselves in private, so depending on how much they assimilate or not I imagine at least some of the names might be similar?

I can find even less about Rashemaar surnames than I can anyone else right now.

Surnames used by Rashemi are: Chergoba, Dyernina, Itazyara, Murnyethara, Stayanoga and Ulmokina. Names like that might be Gur tribe names?

Syllables: Fyev, Bori, Bor, Faur, Hulm, Hul, Jand, Jan, Im, Kanith, Kani, Kan, Madi, Mad, Nav, Madis, Ralm, Shau, Shaum, Vladis, Vlad, Dyna, Min, Tam, Yul

Endings: M: -vik, -gar, -ik, -ar, -islak, -ak, -evik, -insk

F: -arra, -mith, -ith, -zel, -el, -dra, -ra, -heir

Canon common names: Masculine: Borivik, Faurgar, Jandar, Kanithar, Madislak, Ralmevik, Shaumar, Vladislak. Feminine: Fyevarra, Hulmarra, Immith, Imzel, Navarra, Shevarra, Tammith, Yuldra,

[eishbean-23]

Mental Disabilities

Been seeing this recently and wanted to add onto the #humans are space orcs tag.

So we all know that people have mental disabilities, ADHD, Autism, ADD, OCD, ect ect. We also know that mental disabilities effect every person differently, i.e. one person with autism could hate loud & nosy rooms whilst another thrived in it.

And I have seen someone else write about it, especially how crew mates would be confused and skeptical but also supportive. But I want to talk about the more concerning (?) ones like OCD, BPD, depression, and even PTSD. How would they act? Would they be comforting?, scared?, concerned?, or would they maybe relate?

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Whiuxzer was wandering around the ship late at night, xe was restless and couldn't sleep. They were passing through a rather violent storm and the turbulence was agitating. As Whiuxzer walked past what the humans called the 'living room' xe noticed one of the lights on in the corner. Xe wondered what it was, could it be one of the humans?

Whiuxzer knew that they shouldn't be up this late, it always made them sluggish. Xe approached the corner, it being between the wall and the couch, and peeked past the arm of the couch. Human Max, an older guy around 42(in human standards), was curled into the corner clutching is ears and trembling slightly.

"Human Max-" Max flinched violently and looked up at a shocked Whiuxzer. Max was never like this, he was a stoic, strong, and most certainly didn't huddle in corners like a scared child. What was wrong? Did something break in- was there something in the ship?!

Max's quick laboured breathing caught Whiuxzer's attention.

"Human Max? Are you alright?" Whiuxzer asked as xe crouched down, getting a little below Max's level. Max's eyes darted around Whiuxzer's face. A small shake of Max's head gave Whiuxzer xiz answer. Whiuxzer went to get another human when a loud crack came from outside. Max jumped in terror.

"S-shit why is it always the fucking storms.." Max muttered into his hands. Whiuxzer was confused, was human Max scared of the storm? Surely not...

Human Amanda then came into the living room, looking around for something and then noticing Whiuxzer. She looked puzzled.

"Hey, whatcha you doing up this late?" She asked.

"I couldn't sleep, and human Max is scared. I was about to get someone." Amanda blinked, then walked towards the two. She crouched down and looked past Whuixzer.

"Hey, you good? Storm gettin' to you again?" Amanda asked. Max nodded shakily. She sighed with a smile and reached out to pat Max.

"What? I do not understand, why is the storm scaring human Max?" Whiuxzer asked Amanda. She looked over to xim.

"Oh, well.. Max had PTSD, its a form of trauma that affects people by making them think that their back in a traumatic situation or reminding them of one." Amanda explained while rubbing Max's arm in comfort, he had stopped shaking and was taking deep breathes.

"What kinds of traumatic situations?" Whiuxzer asked. Amanda cringed slightly. Was it a sensitive topic?

"It's okay, Amanda. I can tell him," Max spoke up in his gruff voice, it had made the other two jump. "I was involved in the military around twelve years ago, it was stressful and I was involved in a few wars. The most recent one... It was , I nearly died. So, in regard to that, many of the storms remind me of the battle field and I get scared."

"Oh, I am very sorry human Max." Whiuxzer apologized, guilty that xe had asked about something so sensitive.

"S'all good, its okay to ask, you were curious." Max smiled tiredly and then yawned. Patting Amanda softly, Max stood up and helped Amanda too. Whiuxzer got up as well, looked around the room.

"Human Max? Would you like to stay out here with me? I can't sleep currently and I could provide some company so your less scared." Whiuxzer asked. Max looked at him shocked that he would offer. Whiuxzer's species were not the comfort type. Max then smiled, and nodded graciously.

Maybe Whiuxzer could relate, even just a little.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(I know this is terrible, but I really wanted to get this thought out)

[fluffer5]

How Protective Terrans Are

So... I might've dropped a few trauma bomb in my previous entries... but we won't further open those particular can of worms *smiles brightly while throwing the proverbial can at the traum-- ehem, garbage disposal*.

Anyways, this is my 5th entry to Humans Are Space Orcs! For today's human documentary, we're going to talk about what adult Terrans can and will do to you if you touch their young, family, close friends, pets, or special mementos given to them by a special someone (which doesn't have to be from a dead anybody or a romantic somebody). We all know people wouldn't hesitate to throw hands just to keep their people or stuff safe.

So, let's refer to my list, cuz it's easier to do lol. Again, I've used movies, series, podcasts, and a writer's angst-filled mind to type this. Should I warn the rest of you for further reading? I guess I should (I was so used to reading things without the warning that I'm sometimes confused of the TW tag on some stuff lol).

TW: Gore, violence, theoretical bodily harm even though I censored most of it, death, stabby people, bullying, the insanity train.

Kill the threat. Bit of an extreme one for the first thing to pop in my head, yes? But it is true. Wars were waged for lesser things. See this news article for one example: "Mom fatally shot home intruder to defend kids, she says". This one was published on August 18, 2022. In 2012, cuz I'm too lazy to search recent ones, there's another news articles featuring the same thing but focuses on a mother shooting an intruder to protect her 3-month-old baby. In 2015, an 11-year-old boy also shot an intruder trying to defend his 4-year-old sister from possible harm. I could go on and on about this but in countries where guns are not accessible, the next possible thing to use in defense would've been something sturdy and blunt or something extremely sharp. Actually, if we were in a time wherein tribes or kingdoms exist instead of cities, I can surely say that killing their young would definitely put you and your family in said people's sh*t list.

Fight the threat. Whether is be physically punching them on the face of the place where the sun doesn't shine, nobody cares as long as the deed of letting them know their place is done. Exhibit A that a lot of us know would be bullies ganging up on a younger sibling in school. We know that younger sibling are the proverbial pain in the *ss of older siblings. It's a love-hate relationship between them. But it's also an unsaid rule that only the older siblings can threaten or push around younger siblings. Anyone else touching them aside from the close family ties should be prepared to taste someone's fist. Or feet. Or the pavement. You get the gist of it. Though as long as the child in question can take care of the bullying on their own (which I did in my experience) then the parents or older sibling would gladly back off until the time they notice that things are going too far. Though, sadly, some kids prefer not to talk about their problems which leads to behavioral issues in the future, sorta trying to get attention from their elders but in a negative way.

Threaten the threat. I see this as the tamer version of protection actually lol. I don't know about other countries but in my country, the smart kids in school can threaten your life as a student. We have the usual bling-bling kids with the money and huzzah but they don't last long in the face of being a social pariah at school. They can throw money all they want but the smart kids wouldn't be threatened at all cuz they hold the key to higher GPA. Even the teachers complain about them nerds but action speaks loud and their compilation of evidence speaks louder lol. You'd be lucky if the nerd assigned to you has the patience of a saint cuz if not... well, I've had to stop fights from breaking out from simple arguments. Not just in school though. If you've got connection in higher places then that could also be a way to threaten someone (it does happen in real life so it isn't far-fetched). Though it is more effective to threaten the threat if you're in the same place as them. Another thing would be holding blackmail on said person (though that only works if they're not an immediate threat). If you have enough social influence, well, you can destroy their entire life without touching them even once.

Torture the threat. A friend says I'm too kind for ending their lives easily. Well, watching too many action and horror films prepared me for this part lol. I don't know which one would be done but interrogators have done the worst to get information from their victim. Too gory for this though and I don't know how many kids or emotional teens are in here so I have to censor a ton of the juicy details. Let's say it would be a bit similar to Saw, Jigsaw, and war interrogations. Chemicals, acids, peeled skin, salt, knives, and hammers might also be in place. Just know that it would be a bloody, unforgiving event that would take place in that particular room with that unfortunate victim.

Play the long game. Another said killing them quickly was... well... too quick XD. This one centers heavily on having money and patience. Know who the threat is, where they live, who they interact with, and what makes them tick. For this to work, you need to give up who you were before and settle on anonymity. This is... a bit more drastic than torture but works well if you have too much hate in your chest or the deed done was something you can never forgive. It's more on watching them physically suffer with their injury or doing the threatening on their family (gets messy very fast), but since this threat had amassed A LOT of enemies, they won't exactly know who did the evil deed on them. Shoot them on their legs, feet, and shoulder. Their spine if you're a good shot and know where to hit. Places that aren't close to their vital organs but would render them disabled. You'll let them live, but it will be a life of pain and agony.

Talk to the threat. The most peaceful type and probably the most boring out of this chaotic list > v <. This should be the first thing we do and not escalate to violence if some of us can help it. Again, your patience and wit will be tested here. If your threat is minor (like another child), then talking to their guardian would help with keeping the problem from going through a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes that doesn't work and the problem turns into an adult fight.

In summary, you have 2 kinds of Terrans. One would shoot before asking; the other would talk before shooting. Which is why you should never step on this particular deathworld if you were thinking about making Terran slaves or using our young in experimentation. We haven't given chase on aliens yet. Don't make yourselves the first intergalactic specie the Terrans would obliterate.

Meanwhile in a fast approaching spacecraft...

This alien reading this How To Deal With Terrans manual : Why did we want to go to this deathworld again?

Another alien turning yellow from anxiety : To befriend them and learn about the resident Terrans?

Yet another alien wilting as they feel faint from the information : Oh, thank the stars we won't be terrorizing them.

The alien commander whose frills are flaring in alarm as they read through the unredacted version of the manual : They will torture and skin us for taking their young and their pets?!

This particular scientist whose skins are changing colors in excitement : See? I told you their famous quote of "If predator not friend, why friend shape?" also applies to them!

[deepestturtlepielover]

Sometimes I wonder how the characters or aliens or whatever you call them from Star Trek would react to knowing about mother Gaia

I’m especially curious about garaks reaction and Julian response like how would that go over at their lunch dates? Garak being like interesting you call your planet mother and does she speak to you the way cardassia speaks to us?

Or odo confiding in quark about this weird fact they found out about humans and quark wondering why they stopped cause it’s a perfectly profitable business and odo is like ily but stop it

Or Jadzia talking to Kira about it and Kira being genuinely interested and curious to know if sisko aka the emissary knows mother Gaia and has he seen her too like he’s seen the prophets and does he know their songs Jadzia thinks it’s cool that humans refer to their planet as mother Gaia because the word mother is so comforting :)

Data spilling all known facts about the subject to geordi while they fix stuff and they are like oh shit that’s cool they got songs too ?! Dedicated to their gods?? Geordi is like that’s so cool but like I stopped listening to the facts and now I’m listening to your voice and looking at you glow

If earth really is a death world, then I’m sure the practice of worshiping Gaia would seem very terrifying interesting to most extraterrestrials.

Come to think of it, in most of the religions I’ve heard of or read about, deities embodying the Earth are usually the most powerful, terrifying, and awe-inspiring, as well as some of the most beloved.

[roboticchibitan]

If any of my new followers are reddit refugees, let me explain the humans are space orcs thing. Idk if this is a thing elsewhere bc I’m only on tumblr but here on tumblr we have this tradition of writing short speculative fiction snippets that imagine how strange aliens would find us because of various traits that are inherent to humanity. Humans are omnivorous persistence predators. We have sharp canine teeth for ripping flesh. Our bodies are the result of evolution and evolution fucked up. Our planet is a deathworld full of natural disasters, monstrous animals, and poisonous plants. So it’s fun to imagine these things from the perspective of a flabberghasted outsider. Anyway if that sounds fun (it is very fun) check out the humans are space orcs tag or my sideblog @vs-space-orcs