#would it have been easier to start from scratch?
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mostlymarvelgirl · 14 hours ago
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A Winchester Kind Of Love
Pairing: Sam Winchester X AU!Reader
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Summary: You never expected to wake up in the Supernatural universe. But after inexplicably appearing in the bunker, surrounded by the very people you once watched on screen, you have no choice but to adapt. While searching for a way back home, you form unexpected bonds—especially with Sam. But when emotions start to blur and reality becomes harder to face, you begin to wonder… do you truly belong here? And what happens when the lines between fiction and reality are no longer so clear?
Words: 3000 words smth (sorry)
Reader's Personality: The reader's personality is deeply introspective, independent, and emotionally guarded.
Warnings: Angst, emotional conflict, Themes of identity and belonging, Mild language, Slow-burn romance with mutual pining, Heartbreak but with maybe a hopeful ending.
The first time you saw Sam Winchester in real life, you thought you were hallucinating.
Or maybe, you were dead.
Because there was no way in hell you were standing inside the Men of Letters bunker, wearing the same clothes you went to bed in, while Sam Winchester—fictional, TV character Sam Winchester—stared at you like you were the world’s weirdest case.
The reactions were immediate.
Dean had burst into the room, gun drawn, shouting, “Who the hell are you, and how the hell did you get in here?”
You had barely been able to stammer out a response before Castiel appeared, blue eyes narrowing as he scanned you with his grace. “She is… human,” he said slowly. “But… she does not belong to this world.”
Dean had scoffed. “Yeah? No kidding. You don’t just *pop* into a locked-down bunker unless you’re packing some serious mojo.”
Sam had been quieter, more calculating. “Who are you?”
It took hours, a mild panic attack, and a lot of rapid questioning from both sides before you finally admitted the truth:
Back home, the Supernatural universe was nothing more than a TV show.
A stupid, heartbreaking, addictive TV show that you knew inside and out.
And now? Now, you were here. In it.
Dean had been the first to react. “Oh, great. Another alternate universe. Because that never goes wrong.”
Cas had tilted his head. “This is… highly unusual.”
And Sam? Sam had just stared at you, trying to figure out if you were real—or if the universe had just played its cruelest trick yet.
.
.
.
Months Later…
You were still here.
You helped with hunts (you were shocked that you even could). You researched cases with Sam, argued with Dean, even got on Castiel’s good side.
And yet… you still felt like an outsider.
You weren’t real here.
And Sam—God, Sam—was getting too close.
It started small. The way his eyes lingered a little longer when you laughed. How he always seemed to check in on you first after a hunt. The late-night talks over books and whiskey, where he’d tell you things he never told anyone else.
At first, it was fine because there was still a plan. Sam had been researching, looking for a way to send you back. He had promised, back in the beginning, that they’d find a way. You had clung to that—because it was easier than considering the alternative.
But then, the updates stopped coming. Every time you asked, Sam’s face would tighten, and he’d mumble something about dead ends and cosmic deadlocks.
And so, you stopped asking.
But the feeling in your gut told you the truth: Sam wasn’t looking anymore.
Not really.
.
.
.
It wasn’t supposed to come out. Not like this.
The motel room was quiet except for the scratching of Sam’s pen against his journal and the occasional rustling of paper. You sat on the bed, knees pulled up, carefully rubbing moisturizer into your skin. A small, mundane moment after a long day of chasing down leads.
Sam sighed, rubbing his eyes as he leaned back in his chair. “This case is a mess.”
You hummed in agreement, your attention half on your reflection in the motel mirror. “When is it not?”
He huffed a soft laugh, but when you glanced at him, he was already watching you again. That look. The one that made your stomach twist. You knew very well what that look meant.
And before you could stop yourself, before you could shove the words back where they belonged, you blurted it out.
“You don’t actually love me, you know.”
Silence.
Sam’s head tilted slightly, brow furrowing. “What?”
You swallowed hard, suddenly wishing you could take it back. But the words were already hanging in the air, so you forced yourself to meet his gaze. “You think you’re falling for me, but you’re not.” Your voice was softer now, but the weight of the words was just as heavy. “You just feel… safe with me. Because I know everything about you. And that’s not real.”
His face twisted, hurt flashing across it like a wound you’d just opened. “That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is.” You turned back to the mirror, fiddling with the lotion bottle, unable to face him. “I don’t belong here. And you deserve better than someone who—who doesn’t even belong in your world.”
Sam’s jaw clenched. “Why do you keep saying that?”
You exhaled sharply. “Because it’s true! Because—” You hesitated, throat tightening. “Because you stopped looking, Sam.”
The room went dead silent.
You saw it in his face, the way his expression faltered for just a second. And that was all you needed.
“Oh my God,” you whispered. “You stopped looking.”
Sam looked away, running a hand through his hair. “It wasn’t—” He sighed, voice barely above a whisper. “I couldn’t find anything.”
“That’s a lie.” Your voice cracked. “You just… didn’t want to find anything.”
His silence was all the answer you needed.
.
.
.
Dean found out about Sam stopping his search before he found you outside the bunker.
And he was furious.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Sam?” Dean had shouted, pacing the library while Sam sat, head in his hands. “You kept her trapped here? Lied to her? Jesus, man, she’s been alone this whole time—thinking she had no way home.”
Dean narrowed his eyes. “The spell. The one Cas found. What happened to it?”
Sam let out a slow breath, not meeting his brother’s eyes. “I—burned it.”
The air in the room shifted.
Dean lunged, shoving Sam back. “You son of a—”
Before things could go further, Castiel stepped between them, voice calm but firm. “That’s enough.”
.
.
.
The hunt had been brutal.
You and Sam barely spoke as you drove back to the motel, exhaustion hanging in the air like a storm cloud. The weight of everything—of hunts, of lies, of feelings neither of you had the courage to name—pressed down between you both.
The motel room was small, the kind of run-down place you were used to by now. Sam immediately sat at the desk, flipping open his laptop, while you silently grabbed your toiletries and disappeared into the bathroom.
When you stepped out, wrapped in a robe, you caught Sam staring.
Not just looking—staring—like you were something fragile, something slipping through his fingers.
.
.
.
A week later, you finally sat across from Sam, the weight of everything between you impossible to ignore. You exhaled shakily before finally voicing what had been gnawing at you for months. “You know… I do love you, Sam.”
His eyes widened slightly, but you weren’t done. “I just… I’m not sure I’m good enough for you.” Your voice wavered as you admitted, “I’m not built for relationships. I forget little things, I zone out, I’m moody. I’d probably mess this up somehow, and you—” You swallowed. “You’re perfect.”
Sam watched you, his expression soft but serious. Then, in a slow, deliberate motion, he reached out, cradling your face in his large hands. His thumbs brushed gently over your cheekbones, his eyes searching yours with an intensity that made your breath hitch.
“You’re not perfect,” he said, voice low. “And neither am I.” He hesitated before adding, “But I see you. Every part of you. And I still want this.”
Your eyes burned, the weight of his words settling deep into your chest.
And when he kissed you—slow, tender, filled with everything neither of you had been able to say—you realized, for the first time, that maybe… just maybe… you belonged here after all.
.
.
.
THE END.
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A/N: I don't really write. I just wrote this because idk I just got motivated for a really realistic version of me entering spn universe and how it would go. Closest possible thing. Feel free to give criticism cause I honestly don't really like this and I want to improve a lot. Thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate it.
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EXTRA: ;)
Sam Winchester was the perfect boyfriend. And it was almost annoying.
He brought you (your favorite drink) just the way you liked it. He noticed your favorite songs and hummed them under his breath. He rubbed circles into your back when you were exhausted, memorized your quirks, and never once made you feel like you didn’t belong.
One night, as you lay curled up against his chest, you grinned and murmured, “You know, I was actually more of a Dean girl.”
Sam’s whole body tensed. “Excuse me?”
You giggled. “I used to write fanfics and everything.”
He groaned. “Oh, you are never living this down.”
You just laughed, pressing a kiss to his jaw. Because for once, you were exactly where you belonged.
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
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blueminuet · 2 months ago
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Me: Hey, you know what would make this model better?
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Blender: One thousand eldritch horror teeth?
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Me: No..... no that wasn't... that wasn't what I was thinking at all, Blender...........
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bippity-boppity-bye · 13 days ago
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I want to learn how to drive.. but it’s overwhelming.. don’t know where to start ://
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alianoralacanta · 10 months ago
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What happens when doing it iteratively has completely failed? Sometimes databases and political systems alike are built from scratch. Sometimes they have to be built from scratch (for example, a new company or country). Sometimes, in both cases, they even work in their 1.0 version without significant problems. That's not to say there won't be a 1.1 or even a 2.0 - but that happens either way. (It's harder, but iterative construction has different pre-requisites, and if those aren't being met and the status quo is failing hard enough, then non-iterative change is inevitable, chosen or otherwise…)
I think a lot about how, if the glorious violent revolution happens, every kid with significant medical needs in a hospital where power gets cut will die.
You can decide you're willing to sacrifice your own life, but you don't get to tell everybody else on the planet that they're acceptable collateral damage.
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dyingswanpavlova · 10 days ago
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"Your girl" - Part 20 | The Salesman x Reader
Summary: His punishment is less of a punishment and more something like your greatest fear. Your jealousy gets worse and you're almost sure - What you once had, is lost. It has to be. And you're alone again.
Warnings: dead dove do not eat, kidnapping, mentions of sexual abuse and other traumatic events in the past, numbness, helplessness, violence, threatening, mentions of blood, mentions of murder and rape, body issues, trauma talk, stockholm syndrome, forced relationship, unhealthy relationship, depression, manipulation, mentions of sexual activities and desires, mentions of pregnancy/pregnancy issues, loneliness, isolation, jealousy, our girl is dying without him, not beta-read, if I've missed any please tell me! mdni 18+!
"Your girl" - The Salesman x Reader Masterlist
Loving him wasn’t hard.
In fact, it got easier with each day. Each day which he drew further away from you, your own longing grew.
It was more than that  - it was a painful ache in your chest, a biblical yearning for something that was far more complicated than your comprehension could manage to pick up on.
He was yours.
And he was slowly slipping through your fingers.
You knew when it had started – it was obvious. The crack in the façade, nothing more than a word you didn’t mean, a phrase you threw at him, before you could stop yourself.
And yet, you didn’t know if that was truly the moment.
His eyes brought the greatest change in the shortest amount of time. The way they stayed dark and distant, no matter the pained glances you shot him – that was when you realized it. Something had changed and it would change further.
Your loneliness came back tenfold. It was worse, far worse, now that you knew what it felt like to be held.
To be loved.
The way he ignored you was unlike the first time he did it. He didn’t directly reject your advances, he didn’t stay silent this time. His voice was there, like a soft cloud enveloping you, but it lost its warmth. Just like his eyes lost their sparkle.
He was angry. You saw the anger, scratching at the surface, waiting for a moment to pierce through the painful distance between you. But so far? It never did.
And oh, how you would have preferred if it did.
The days got longer. And so did his work times. You couldn’t tell if that was because of what had happened between you or if maybe it was simply, truly just his work. But whatever it was, you had that silent fear in the back of your mind, quietly prodding, always expecting the thought to re-surface.
He met someone else.
The voice was as soft, as it was cruel. You couldn’t tell if it was your mother’s or your own. Whoever it was, it was no less painful. The thought of it alone was enough to make you go sick with jealousy. What if it was true? What if his long evenings, his early outings meant exactly that?
What if there was someone?
Someone who was ready to be everything he ever wanted?
Someone who didn’t doubt him.
Your heart clenched painfully in your chest and you doubled over on the couch, hiding your face against your knees. A few minutes ago it had been close to two in the morning. He had never before stayed out so long, never. Normally, it seemed to you, he made his way back to you as fast as he could. He was like a man starved, starved for your touch, for your attention. Even if he wouldn’t admit it, you could also tell how he reveled in your kindness. In your gentleness. Sometimes, he’d rest his head on your thigh, eyes closed and his lips parted in a soft sigh, as your fingers gently played with his hair and massaged his scalp. He didn’t allow it often, but when he did, he was vulnerable. It was a quiet understanding between the two of you. He didn’t give up his control entirely, not ever, but you got close. Close to the thin line that lingered between his need to dominate you at all times and his quiet desire to let loose every once in a while.
And now?
Now he was still out. Working.
And you still had no clue what the hell he was actually doing.
All you wanted was a name. A hint. Anything that proved to you that he was yours as much as you were his. You didn’t need a phone, didn’t need a chip to open the door, didn’t need anything besides him. The thought of being with someone else was repulsive to you. It had taken you so long to open up to him and nothing had ever changed it. Not the pain he caused you, not the fact that he played you like a puppet, pulling the strings of your life. In fact, the thought even brought you some comfort. You knew it was wrong, but you couldn’t help yourself.
Someone. Someone on the other side of the world cared about you enough to do all this. The things he did, the things had to endure. And now you were here.
His.
Irrevocable. Inevitable.
You were his.
But a part of you, a quiet part of your mind which feared his rejection more than death itself, was uncertain. Was he yours? Was he still yours?
No, he didn’t outright ignore you. He kept asking about your condition, he still brought you your breakfast. But his glances got rarer. His touches accidental. And his warmth vanished.
He also didn’t outright leave your bed. It was still yours, still his. Sometimes you’d watch him in the middle of the night as he lay deep asleep, curled up on the other side, his arms outstretched, his expression peaceful. But he didn’t reach for you. Every brush of your hand against his, every touch was initiated by you. And at some point, you stopped. You couldn’t.
You felt like a burden. You felt pathetic running after him, practically begging for his attention, for his affection. Sometimes he gave in, other times he rolled over, pretending to be too deep asleep. But you knew the truth. He was angry. Most likely he was hurt. And now you were, too.
It happened out of your control. The way he fell asleep on the sofa more often than not. You found yourself forced to go back to your bedroom on your own, lying awake for what felt like all night, until your exhaustion eventually caught up. You still felt sick. Pasta was disgusting. But the exhaustion was worse.
Many times you’d fall asleep before he even came home, so you couldn’t really tell when that was. Other times, when you got really unlucky, sleep wouldn’t find you, no matter what you did. Just like that night.
You sat trapped on the sofa, unable to grasp the essence of the situation. What had happened? What had gone so incredibly wrong?
Was one damn mistake really enough to shatter everything, to shatter the love he claimed to feel for you?
He only kept you around because of the child. You didn’t want to have such thoughts, but you couldn’t help it. That was exactly what it felt like. There was no love, let alone passion.
He hadn’t touched you ever since. And you had a feeling he wouldn’t. Ever again.
Your need became unbearable.
Of course you weren’t the most sexual person in the world. Your life had been turned and twisted before you met him and the thought of sex had all but disgusted you – the fantasy was fine. But really doing it? Impossible.
Yet, every brush of his fingers, every kiss against your temple, every breath and every shiver he sent down your spine – every time he took you, either like a gentle lover from a soft, romantic tale or like a man starved and stripped of his composure and control – it all fed into your need. Every memory of every encounter you had with him so far kept playing on repeat in your mind, whenever you lay in that bed alone. Often times you caught yourself staring at him. It wasn’t intended, it was out of your own mind. You sat motionless and watched as he rolled up his sleeves, as he changed his shirt. Every time he undid his belt buckle, something broke inside of you.
He caught on it, of course. He wasn’t an idiot. But he didn’t act on it. Not once.
Sometimes, when your loneliness got to the point of being hopeless and painful, when you heard his quiet breaths from the living room -  you tried. You tried to close your eyes and remember the way it felt to be held by him, loved by him. The way his hot breath felt on your skin. His kisses. His ministrations. And even his anger.
All of it caused your body to go rigid, your thoughts to spiral down a dangerous path. Your hand trailed off every time. Casting a slow way down your chest, lingering between your breasts and going further down, until you finally reached the place where the ache was worst. The warmth, the dampness – it was all there. Sometimes you even went further, bringing yourself to the edge of ecstasy. Every time with only him on your mind.
And then you stopped.
Each time. You stopped.
You couldn’t. It felt like betrayal.
Not, because you weren’t allowed to touch yourself. You were pretty sure he didn’t care about that, maybe he’d even enjoy the thought of it. But to you, it felt like betrayal because you didn’t feel like you deserved it.
You didn’t deserve pleasure. That was what you told yourself.
Not, after you hurt him so badly.
And so you kept lingering somewhere in the middle, somewhere stuck between two worlds. The point where your memories met your reality and caused a storm of hopelessness in your mind and body.
You were so lonely. And slowly, it was breaking you.
You tried to keep yourself grounded. You kept thinking back to the life growing inside of you. He kept taking you to the doctor, lightly holding your hand with every ultrasound. But you could barely even focus on the doctor’s words. You used those rare moments to revel in the way he felt, the way it felt to pretend like nothing had changed.
Like he still belonged to you.
The reality was different. Colder. Endless suffering.
And nothing, not even the prospect of whatever was ahead of you, helped.
The soft sound of the door creaking open made you snap out of your thoughts. Your head perked up almost immediately and you caught sight of him, slowly closing the door behind him and tugging on his tie, a weary look in his eyes. He seemed surprised to see you there, his eyes widening for the briefest moment, but he quickly schooled his expression back into the mask of unyielding distance that he had created between you.
That you had created.
“You shouldn’t be up this late.” He immediately averted his gaze and set his briefcase down. After washing his hands and freeing himself from the confinement of his tie and jacket, he returned to the living room. But he still didn’t look at you, not really.
“Why are you still awake?”
“I was waiting for you.” The sound of your own voice nearly made you flinch. It sounded so hollow, so lifeless. Like your constant sorrow was slowly tearing you apart, slowly turning you into the shell of the human you had always meant to be. Maybe your mother had been right all along. Maybe you were simply unlovable.
At the sound of your choked whisper, his head finally did perk up and he looked at you with a small frown. The redness that marked your eyes, the dark circles. The way you hung draped over the couch like every movement hurt. Which it did.
He released a frustrated sigh. “What were you crying about?” After a beat, he added: “Are you trying to upset the baby on purpose?”
His words sent a painful stab through your chest for two reasons. One being, you loved your child. Despite everything. Despite you not knowing if you even truly knew the real meaning of love. You loved it. And you wouldn’t ever want to cause it any harm. And the other reason…that was far more selfish. You couldn’t help but wonder; is that truly the only reason he cares? Does he truly only care about the child now and is that the only reason I’m still here?
“I-“
“You should go to bed. It’s too late for you. Come on.”
“Please, I-“ Your voice cracked and you were sure, you saw the slightest hint of hesitation in his eyes. He didn’t want to be cruel. It was just in his nature. And you, you had provoked this. “I miss you so terribly.”
As quickly as the softness came, as quickly it was gone again and he scoffed. “I’m right here.”
Your lip quivered and you averted your gaze. “That’s not what I mean.”
He let out a long, exhausted sigh and sat down opposite you, his arms crossed defiantly. “What, then? What is there that’s so hard on you, huh? What makes your life so unbearable?”
That made you frown. Where did he get the notion to mock you in this very moment?
“I never said it’s unbearable. I just said, I missed you. And I meant it.”
He rolled his eyes and something inside of you broke again. He was too far gone. Maybe he…Maybe…
“You don’t love me anymore.” Your voice was no more than a horse whisper, and the hitch in your breath gave way to your tears. The quivering of your lip increased and soon, the dam broke. This weren’t hormones. This was your heart breaking.
You didn’t look at him, so you couldn’t have seen how his eyes softened a fraction.
“Stop being an idiot.” He murmured, but his voice was lacking any real malice. “You’re being dramatic.”
“It’s true.” You said quietly, too exhausted to try and act strong any longer. You felt pathetic, you were pathetic and you didn’t care. You were one lonely night away from feeling like you used to. The way you felt whenever your mother locked the door behind you, leaving you small and alone in the darkness. “You haven’t touched me in weeks. You can’t even look at me. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you still love me.”
His lips pressed into a tight line.
God, he was so handsome. All you wanted was to melt into him. You would have rather perished, died by his hand, than to endure another moment without him.
“You’re being absolutely ridiculous. We have one fight and now I don’t love you anymore? Can’t you see how childish that is?”
You squeezed your eyes shut. No. No, you had done enough damage. One stupid accusation had caused all of this, one idiotic question had driven him so far away from you. You couldn’t ask another one.
But you were sure. If you kept it to yourself a second longer, the ground would split up, casting the way to the eternal flames of purgatory and swallow you whole. That was what it felt like. That was how your fear made you feel.
“Did you meet someone else?”
Your voice was barely audible. It was no more than a faint cry, a pained whimper in the night. God, you had never been this afraid before.
What if there was someone?
What if he would never embrace you again?
What if the man who loved you, the man who did all these things for you, was gone? What if not even the evil twin was left?
You would have endured any punishment. The sound of him cutting your hair sounded delightful, all of a sudden. That meant he was reacting. He cared about you. He saw you. He needed you.
And your hair kept falling into your face all the time anyway.
When you looked up to meet his gaze, you didn’t see the quiet fury you had expected. He didn’t seem angry at all, just…
Confused.
His brows furrowed in a frown. “What?”
“If you did”, you choked out somehow, “I’ll accept it. I’ll find a way to live with it or no – well, it might kill me alright, but that’s fine. I’ll find a way. But I need to know. Please, I need to know. Just let me know, okay? Please, don’t lie to me. Please don’t withdraw, please-“
Your quiet despair quickly turned into something else entirely. Something cold and raw, something that was clawing at your sanity and you didn’t care. A dark force took your mind hostage and suddenly you realized, you were dying.
“I’m sorry.” You cried out, unable to lift your gaze. “I’m sorry for saying that, I’m sorry for ever doubting you, I’m so, so sorry for what I said that day. I know you would never harm me nor the child, I know. I don’t know why I did. I don’t know why I-“
Your breaths came quick, too quick to be properly controlled. You just existed. Melted. Burst.
“You think I met someone? You think I’m fucking someone else?” His voice was low and controlled, with a darkness lingering behind. A darkness only you could see.
“Please don’t be angry with me.” You kept muttering out in your despair, clutching at the cushions. You wanted nothing more than to be able to hold him, have him steady you, but you were afraid. Too afraid of his rejection.
If he’d reject you then, you’d die. You’d simply die.
Would at least death be gentle?
“I’m sorry I asked. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please…If you’ll punish me, punish me. I don’t care what you do, I don’t care how much of my hair you cut off. I don’t care how you much you hurt me, okay?! I’m your Hana. I’ll be your Hana for the rest of my life, I’ll be your girl. I’ll be your-“
His grip was sudden, unexpected and firm. And yet you recognized it.
The gentleness.
You inhaled sharply when you felt his hands gently circle your wrists. He turned them in his hands, slowly running his thumbs over the insides.
“Look at me.”
You couldn’t. You were shaking. Too afraid, too…lost.
He used one hand to gently tilt your chin up, giving you no other option than to look at him.
His eyes were serious, so serious, you hadn’t seen him like that in a while. But the cold. The cold was gone.
Not a little, not briefly. Entirely.
Before you knew, he had you wrapped up in his embrace. His strong arms wrapped around you, pulling you into him, into his warmth, his scent, his life.
You let out a startled breath, a quiet sob soaking into his shirt.
And then you broke.
You clung to him like a child, your grip tight and unyielding. It was as though you were trying to melt you into one person and he let you. He let you. He didn’t pull away, didn’t push you and he made no cruel remarks.
He simply held you. Tighter and tighter, until it was bordering on painful.
His hand came up to cradle the back of your head, while the other one ran soothing circles over your back.
“I’m so sorry.” You cried out.
He sighed deeply. “No, darling, no. I’m sorry.”
You froze and pulled your head back, just enough to be able to see his face. “What?”
He nodded, his expression solemn. “I shouldn’t have allowed your words to get to me like that. Deep inside, I knew you didn’t mean it. I should have been there for you. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t.”
“Does that mean-“
“There is no one else.” He said calmly. “I spent the time questioning your little detective. I never…I would never…” He sighed again. “There’s only you for me. Get that in your silly, little head.”
Your lip twitched. It was almost a smile. Almost.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ever have thought that.”
He leaned back, keeping a firm grip on your shoulders as a lazy smile stretched over his lips. “I had no idea you could get so jealous. That’s…interesting.”
You shot him a dark look. But before you had the time to make another comment, you felt his lips press against your own. You didn’t even manage to close your eyes at first. No. You needed to make sure he was really there. Was it really him? Was this real?
Eventually your eyes did flutter shut, first one, then the other.
And your lips parted to let him in.
The kiss tasted like tears and relief.
The will to live flooded your veins in a way you had felt not often before. His kiss was deep. Bruising. Not gentle, not patient.
And you didn’t mind. No. You needed him. Needed him desperately.
“Fuck.” You breathed out, already half on your way to straddle his lap.
“Wait, wait, wait.” A dark laugh rumbled in his chest as he kept you firmly in place. You whimpered and looked at him with the most pleading look.
“What?”
He leaned back and regarded you with a long, soft look.
“You’re not Hana.” He murmured suddenly. “That’s not your name. And I don’t want that name to come over your lips again.”
Your brows shot up and you froze. “But I just-“
“I know why you said it.” He said calmly. “I understand it. But it doesn’t change anything. It’s just…not your name.”
A shiver ran down your spine, causing goosebumps to break out on your skin.
Did he really say that?
Did he…acknowledge it?
Was it in the past? Was the pain in the past? The uncertainty?
Or was this just a passing flicker of hope, that he might crush the next time you said something he didn’t agree with?
You had no time think about it, because he already had you on you his lap, his tongue parting your lips with the same fervor you felt.
It didn’t matter anyway.
He loved you three times that night.
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Author's note: I know I said I wouldn't upload anything, but I guess this was a way of venting my own frustrations somehow. I'm not sure if it helped - I hope you'll like anyway. Thank you all for your sweet and kind words. You make me feel really seen and less lonely. I love you, guys.🤍
Ps. Sorry for the drama. But I'd totally die for that man, if I was her. Am I insane? Probably. But that doesn't change a thing for me.
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rin-may-1103 · 8 months ago
Text
Delilah's language (part two)
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"Tomorrow?" Danny repeated, glad he had set his cup down.
Mr. Wayne smiled, relieved Danny hadn't completely brushed him off. "yes, it's tomorrow. Damian, my son, is a huge conservationist. he gets it from his mother."
Danny blinked but before he could cut in, Mr. Wayne continued, "Oh! not that I don't care about the environment and stuff, it's just-"
"I get it," Danny reassured. he did not want to get stuck listening to Mr. Wayne try and fail to 'fix' his self-perceived mistake. "but I still don't really understand why you want me there..."
like sure, the kid's a fan of Danny or whatever (he was still trying to wrap his mind around that one.) but would the kid actually want Danny at his party? wouldn't that be like... he didn't know, weird? to just have this random guy from Illinois show up?
"Right!" Mr. Wayne coughed, scratching his face in embarrassment. "once Damian learned that the purple back gorillas would be in Gotham, I suggested we have his birthday party at the zoo. He told me he wanted to know everything he could about their species. so, I invited all the scientists working with the gorillas to the party so he could talk to them."
Danny nodded in understanding when Mr. Wayne glanced at him, even if Danny thought that that was the most fruitloop way he could have gone about it. then again, Danny's pretty sure all billionaires were fruit loops...
"He started digging into their history once he learned about them, and after some digging, he discovered that you basically saved their species. He has declared that he must meet you at all costs. something about needing to know their language?" Mr. Wayne trailed off, looking at Danny as if to see if he knew what his son meant.
If the kid was looking to Danny so he could learn the language then that meant he read the same paper Danny had. the scientists that had dedicated themselves to studying Delilah had printed one claiming that the purpleback Gorilla language was apparently hard to learn. (Even if Danny had been able to understand it pretty easily and told them so.)
they had listed Danny as the only person fluent in it so far, which now that Danny thought about it was kinda rude. they hadn't asked to put his name in there and now look at him! being visited by Fruitloops looking for him to be at their son's birthday parties.
anyways.
so, if the kid, Damian, read the same paper, he must have concluded it would be easier to learn the language from someone who was already 'fluent' than try and teach himself. (something Danny can't blame the kid for, but still.)
"KIDS!" Dad's voice bellowed from downstairs making Mr. Wayne startle and turn to glance down the hall. "IT WORKS! IT WORKS!"
...
"so, when do we need to leave?" Danny asked, all previous paranoia and reservations thrown out the window.
mr. Wayne slowly turned back, his brows furrowed in confusion. "we, uh, we'd have to leave in," he glanced down at his watch, his eyes widening a little, "an hour. I have to leave in an hour."
mr. Wayne then frowned as he looked back up at Danny, "I just need your parent's permission and you can come with me now, or I can arrange for another flight for you later tonight or early tomorrow?'
danny did not want to find out how they were going to test their new machine, so, he turned and cupped his hands around his mouth as he shouted, "HEY MA! CAN I GO WITH MR. WAYNE TO HIS KID'S BIRTHDAY PARTY?!"
it was silent for a second before she shouted back, "SURE! JUST BE BACK BEFORE WE LEAVE FOR OUR TRIP!"
oh, right. his parents had a trip planned for their anniversary. something about a huge ghost or demon trap in Wyoming they wanted to investigate.
"YOU'RE LEAVING TOMORROW THOUGH!" Danny shouted back, "DAMIAN'S BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW! I CAN'T GO IF I WANT TO BE BACK IN TIME!"
"OH! UH, THEN JUST BE SAFE! TAKE YOUR BLASTERS WITH YOU!"
Danny blinked, then shrugged. He could do that. turning back he found Mr. Wayne staring at the floor, his brows raised and furrowed in concerned confusion. Danny didn't know someone could make a face like that, but seeing as Mom had finally gotten Mr. Lancer to curse in front of him last year, it wasn't that surprising.
"let me pack my bag and then we can get going," Danny announced, standing up and grabbing his cup from the table, silently offering to take Mr. Wayne's as well. the man handed him his full cup and watched as Danny walked away.
well, at least Danny had already told the other ghosts to leave him alone for the rest of the week. they shouldn't get into too much trouble while he's gone. speaking of trouble, Mr. Wayne lived in Gotham, a place riddled with crime and violence.
dupping the cups into the sink, Danny turned and rushed up the stairs. unplugging his phone, Danny sent Sam and Tucker a text to let them know he wouldn't be in amity for the rest of today and tomorrow. he also let them know he'd keep them updated.
once done with that, Danny turned to his closet and rummaged around until he found his old backpack. pulling it out, he dumped the contents onto his desk and made quick work of packing his essentials. Clothes, phone chargers, and ectoplasm in case of emergencies. Mr. Wayne said he'd pay for the travel fair and hotel expenses, so Danny only needed to worry about food.
glancing in the mirror, Danny finally noticed he was still dressed in his pj's. he took a second to debate whether he really cared enough to get dressed properly or not before shrugging. Mr. Wayne's already seen him in them and they're comfy, no point in changing.
zipping up his bag, Danny tossed it over his shoulder and quickly ran downstairs. Mr. Wayne was walking around the room, studying a few of the leftover project pieces that his parents had left lying around. man, Jazz was going to be so annoyed once she learned they hadn't been picking up after themselves. again.
"Alright, Mr. Wayne. I'm ready when you are." Danny greeted, stepping into the room. the man turned to look at him, a strained smile on his face, "Just Bruce is fine."
"Alright, mr. bruce then." Danny agreed, gesturing for the man to start making his way to the door.
mr. Bruce heaved a sigh, shook his head in resignation, and turned to walk out the door. digging his keys out of his pocket, Danny turned to shout into the house one more time, "BYE MA, DAD! I'M LEAVING! HAVE FUN ON YOUR TRIP!"
not waiting for a response, he closed the door and locked it. turning around, he found Mr. Bruce studying him. lifting his brow in confusion, Danny started making his way down the steps and over to Mr. Bruce's fancy car. why the man had a fancy car when he said he'd be flying Danny didn't know, but he's pretty sure it has something to do with image or something.
Vlad did the same thing after all.
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satoruness · 3 days ago
Text
golden — s . gojo x reader
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synopsis — satoru gojo is your bestfriend and you are his. but sometimes, lines between friendship and something more seem to blur.
pairing — bestfriend! satoru x reader
word count — 10.6 k
warnings — making out, somewhat heavy petting, they take off each other's shirts but that's about it LOL, angst (not a sad ending though), reader feels unwanted at times.
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Satoru Gojo.
How long have you known him? Your whole life, probably.
Scratch that. Not your whole life, but definitely the majority of it.
It started in preschool.
You were the quiet kid—the one who clung to the edges of the classroom, never quite fitting into the messy, chaotic whirlwind of children who seemed to make friends like it was the easiest thing in the world. You didn’t know how they did it—how they found each other in the noise, how they paired up so effortlessly, how they just knew where they belonged.
You, on the other hand, spent most of your time alone, stacking blocks in the corner, drawing quietly, or waiting for the teacher to tell you what to do next.
And then there was him.
Satoru Gojo, the loudest, brightest, most obnoxiously happy kid you’d ever met. He was the kind of child who ran instead of walked, who laughed at things no one else found funny, who always had a scrape on his knee but never seemed to care. He was larger than life, in a way that made your stomach twist—not quite jealousy, not quite admiration, just… confusion.
So when he plopped down next to you one day, completely uninvited, you weren’t sure what to do.
“Whatcha doin’?” he asked, peering at the tiny house you were building out of wooden blocks.
You shrugged. “Building.”
“Cool,” he said, grinning. “Can I help?”
You hesitated. You didn’t want help. But before you could answer, he was already reaching for the blocks, stacking them in ways that made no sense.
“You’re ruining it,” you mumbled, frowning.
He blinked at you, then back at the house. “Oh.” And then, without missing a beat, he knocked it over entirely.
You gasped, horrified.
He just laughed. “Now we can build it again!”
You decided, in that exact moment, that you hated him.
But Satoru Gojo was persistent.
He started following you around—not in a creepy way, just in an annoying way. Every time you thought you’d shaken him off, he’d pop up again like a bad penny, grinning that ridiculous grin of his.
Eventually, you just… let him.
It was easier than trying to get rid of him.
And somewhere along the way, he became your first real friend.
Your moms met not long after.
It happened at pickup time, when Satoru ran straight past his usual waiting spot to grab your hand instead. “Can I go to their house?” he asked his mom, all wide eyes and uncontainable energy. “Please, please, please?”
Your mom looked vaguely alarmed, having not expected to suddenly be responsible for another child, but Satoru’s mom just laughed.
And that was that.
Your friendship expanded beyond the preschool walls, spilling into weekends and playdates. Satoru’s house became as familiar as your own, with its too-big windows and fancy furniture that he absolutely wasn’t supposed to jump on (but did anyway). In return, he practically lived at your place, showing up unannounced, eating snacks straight from your pantry, making himself at home in a way that should have been irritating but never really was.
By the time middle school rolled around, he was less of a friend and more of a permanent fixture in your life.
“Okay, but listen,” Satoru said one afternoon, sprawled across your bedroom floor, Switch in hand. “If you had to pick one Digimon partner, like one to be stuck with for the rest of your life, who would it be?”
You barely looked up from your homework. “I don’t know. Agumon?”
“Agumon?” he repeated, scandalized. “That’s so basic. It’s like saying your favorite Pokémon is Pikachu.”
You raised an eyebrow. “It’s literally the main character’s Digimon.”
“Exactly!” He threw his hands up. “No originality. None. Zero. I expected better from you.”
“You asked me,” you pointed out, rolling your eyes.
“Yeah, but I thought you’d at least think about it.” He sighed, dramatically flopping onto his back. “I should’ve known. I’m best friends with a casual fan.”
“You should be grateful you have a best friend at all,” you shot back.
Satoru grinned, tilting his head toward you. “Yeah, yeah. I know.”
At some point, he started wearing glasses. Not for fashion, not because he wanted to, but because years of staring at screens in the dark, playing Digimon and Pokémon and whatever else he was obsessed with at the time, had officially caught up to him.
“I’m blind,” he announced the day he got them, pushing them up the bridge of his nose. “Absolutely, totally blind.”
You snorted. “You’re, like, mildly nearsighted.”
“Same thing,” he said, already taking them off to examine them. “Do I look smarter with them?”
You tilted your head, pretending to consider it. “Not really.”
“Rude.” He huffed, sliding them back on. “What about cooler?”
You threw a pillow at his face.
He laughed, catching it easily. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Then came high school.
At first, nothing changed.
Satoru was still Satoru—loud, annoying, always in your space. He still showed up at your house unannounced, still texted you at odd hours about random nonsense, still sat next to you at lunch like it was a law of the universe. He was your best friend. Your person.
And for the first two years, you were inseparable.
There wasn’t a single moment where people saw one of you without the other. Satoru Gojo and you. You and Satoru Gojo. Always a pair. Whether it was cramming for exams together, getting kicked out of the arcade because he got too competitive, or spending Friday nights playing whatever old game he got obsessed with that month, he was your constant.
Until junior year.
It started small.
A casual comment in gym class about how fast he was. A joke from a teacher about how he should try out for the football team. A half-dare from some of the guys he barely knew.
And somehow, against all odds, Satoru Gojo became an athlete.
You didn’t think much of it at first. It was just another one of his phases, right? Like that time he swore he’d master speedrunning or decided he was going to learn five languages at once. But he was good—annoyingly good. Tall, fast, with ridiculous reflexes that made him impossible to catch on the field.
And people noticed.
By mid-season, he wasn’t just some new player—he was the star. The guy everyone knew, the guy who had a crowd around him in the hallways, the guy who got called out over the school speakers for game-winning plays.
The guy who no longer just belonged to you.
The first time you really felt it was when he showed up at your house one evening. That part was normal. He still did that, still made himself at home on your couch, still stole whatever snacks he wanted.
But something was different.
You were sprawled out on your bed, flipping through a book, when you glanced up and noticed.
“Where are your glasses?” you asked.
Satoru blinked, as if he had to think about it. “Oh. Right.” He shrugged, plopping down next to you. “They’re kind of a hazard in football, so I switched to contacts. Figured I’d just stick with them.”
You sat up, frowning. “But you hate contacts.”
He grinned, stretching lazily. “Not anymore.”
And just like that, something in your chest twisted.
It wasn’t just the glasses.
It was the way he stopped rambling about Digimon, the way he never asked if you wanted to rewatch old anime together anymore. It was the way his schedule started filling up with team hangouts and parties you weren’t invited to. It was the way people started looking at you differently when you were with him.
Because Satoru Gojo wasn’t just Satoru Gojo anymore.
He was Gojo.
Senior year was when it really started to hurt.
He still sat with you at lunch, still texted you silly memes at night, still acted like nothing had changed. But everything had.
He would often cancel on your invitations, his responses still typed in that absurd, unmistakable way of his—yet his excuses always seemed to follow a familiar pattern. It was always something urgent, something unavoidable: he had to rush off to practice, or there was a party he couldn’t miss, or someone needed his help and he simply couldn’t bring himself to say no. Each time, it felt like a rehearsed script, as though his priorities were perpetually elsewhere, leaving you to wonder if you’d ever truly make the cut.
Every time he plopped down next to you, people stared. Whispered.
“Why’s he sitting with her?”
“Shouldn't he sit with the rest of the team?”
“Is she, like, his childhood obligation or something?”
You weren’t an idiot. You heard it. You felt it.
And it made you snap.
“You don’t have to sit here, you know,” you muttered one day, keeping your eyes on your tray.
Satoru frowned. “What?”
“I said, you don’t have to sit here,” you repeated, sharper this time. “If you’d rather be with your actual friends—”
“The hell is that supposed to mean?”
You clenched your jaw, hating how defensive he sounded. “Nothing. Forget it.”
He didn’t forget it.
You fought about it. About how he didn’t get it, about how easy everything was for him, about how he could walk into any room and belong while you felt like you had to justify existing.
“You act like I abandoned you,” he snapped, voice low and frustrated. “But I’m right here. I’ve always been here.”
And you hated that he was somewhat right. 
So you patched things up. Not because you fully understood each other, but because you both wanted to. And by the time graduation rolled around, you could almost pretend things had gone back to the way they were.
But then came college.
And somehow, Satoru Gojo managed to be even more himself than ever.
Bigger. Louder. More impossible to ignore.
If high school had turned him into a star, then college made him a supernova.
He was everywhere—at parties, in clubs, on the field. Everyone knew him. Everyone wanted to be around him.
And somehow, despite it all, he still tried to keep you close.
“Come with me tonight,” he’d say, sending you an invite to some massive party. “It’ll be fun.”
You always said no.
At first, he laughed it off. But after a while, he started looking at you differently—like he noticed the way you avoided him now, the way you barely answered his texts, the way you pulled away whenever he tried to meet your eyes.
And one night, when he showed up outside your dorm after another party, half-drunk and grinning, you saw the exact moment that grin faltered.
“Are you mad at me?” he asked, his voice cutting through the tension like a blade.
You swallowed hard, your throat suddenly dry. “Why would I be mad at you?” you replied, your tone lighter than you felt, as if you could brush the question aside with a casual shrug.
Satoru studied you intently, his glasses nowhere to be found, his hair disheveled from running his hands through it one too many times. His gaze was sharp, unrelenting. “Because you’re avoiding me,” he said, his voice steady but laced with something you couldn’t quite place—frustration, maybe, or hurt.
You forced a laugh, the sound brittle and unconvincing. “I’m not—”
“Don’t lie to me,” he interrupted, his voice softer now, almost pleading. “Not you.”
The words hit you like a punch to the chest, and your throat tightened. You looked away, unable to hold his gaze. “It’s just—” you began, your voice faltering as you struggled to piece together the thoughts that had been swirling in your mind for weeks. “You don’t need me anymore, Satoru. You have them. All your cool—I don’t know, jock and cheerleader friends, everyone else who likes you. You don’t have time for me now.”
He blinked, his expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he asked, his voice rising slightly, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. His hands gestured vaguely, as though trying to grasp the words you’d just thrown at him. “You think I’d just—replace you? Like it’s that easy? No, like seriously fucking explain to me what the absolute hell you mean?” He mutters out angrily, words slightly slurred.
The air between you felt heavy, charged with emotions neither of you had fully acknowledged until now. You opened your mouth to respond, but the words caught in your throat, leaving only silence hanging in the space between you.
You let out a bitter laugh. “It means I’m tired, Satoru. Tired of feeling like a ghost when I’m with you. Tired of pretending I’m okay with being the weird friend you keep around out of habit.”
Satoru opened his mouth, then closed it.
And for the first time in your life, you saw it—hurt. Real, genuine hurt in his stupidly bright eyes.
“You think that’s what this is?” he said, voice quieter now. “Habit?”
You didn’t answer.
Because if you did, you might have to admit that you missed him. That you missed the late-night anime marathons, the dumb inside jokes, the way he used to act like you were the only person in the world that mattered.
But you weren’t sure if that version of him still existed.
And you definitely weren’t sure if you had the courage to find out.
Satoru stared at you for a long time, the weight of your words settling between you like a stone. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, couldn’t decipher the way his lips pressed into a thin line, the way his fingers twitched at his sides like he wanted to reach for something—but wasn’t sure if he should.
Then, after what felt like forever, he exhaled, running a hand through his hair.
“I don’t get it,” he admitted, voice lower now, quieter, like he was afraid too many words would push you further away. “You’re acting like I left you behind, but I’m right here.”
You bit your lip. “You don’t see it.”
“Then make me see it,” he shot back, suddenly frustrated. “Because all I know is that one day we were fine, and the next, you started treating me like a stranger.”
That stung.
Because wasn’t that what he did first?
He wasn’t the one being looked at differently in high school when he sat next to you at lunch. He wasn’t the one feeling like a burden when you tagged along with him to something you thought was just going to be the two of you. He wasn’t the one realizing, little by little, that your best friend was outgrowing you.
But how could you even say that? How could you explain it in a way he’d understand?
“It’s not just one thing, Satoru,” you said, voice barely above a whisper. “It’s… everything.”
Satoru exhaled sharply, pressing his tongue against the inside of his cheek. “That’s real specific.”
You rolled your eyes, the exhaustion settling deep into your bones. “You wouldn’t get it.”
“Try me.”
You hesitated. He looked serious, standing there under the dim glow of the dorm hallway lights, arms crossed, gaze steady. But what would it change? Telling him wouldn’t undo the years of growing distance, wouldn’t erase the fact that you felt like you didn’t fit in his world anymore.
Maybe it was better to let it go.
So you shook your head, stepping back toward your door. “It’s late. You should go.”
Satoru let out a quiet, frustrated laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “Fine,” he said, jaw tightening. “Run away, then. You’re good at that.”
That hurt more than it should have.
But you didn’t argue. You just stepped inside, closed the door, and pretended the ache in your chest wasn’t real.
It got worse after that.
You thought maybe that argument would clear the air—that he’d finally see why you had been keeping your distance. But if anything, it only made things weirder.
Satoru still texted you, but not as much. He still invited you to things, but there was something almost hesitant in the way he asked, like he was bracing for rejection. And when you turned him down (because of course you did), his replies became shorter, more clipped.
Then, one night, he stopped asking altogether.
You didn’t realize how much you had come to expect it—his name popping up on your phone, his easy confidence that somehow, eventually, you’d say yes. But when Friday night came and went without a text, something inside you twisted.
Maybe this was what you wanted. Maybe it was easier this way.
So why did it feel so awful?
A week later, you ran into him by accident.
Literally.
You were coming out of the campus library, arms full of books, when someone rounded the corner too fast and nearly tackled you.
“Oh, shit—sorry—”
You looked up, heart dropping to your stomach.
Satoru.
Your hands clenched around the books, pulse stuttering. It had only been a week, but he already looked different—like he’d fully settled into his role as that guy. Loose hoodie, messy hair, the faint scent of cologne and something vaguely alcoholic clinging to him.
You swallowed hard. “Hey.”
His expression flickered—just for a second. “Hey.”
It was awkward. Awkward. When had things ever been awkward between you?
You shifted your grip on your books. “Uh—sorry. Didn’t mean to—”
“Yeah, no, my bad,” he cut in quickly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I wasn’t paying attention.”
Silence stretched between you. Too long, too tense.
Then, suddenly, his eyes dropped to the stack in your arms. “Of course you’re carrying, like, ten books at once.”
It was such a Satoru thing to say that, for a second, you almost smiled.
Then his gaze flicked up to yours, something softer in his expression, and your breath hitched.
And then—
A voice called his name from across the quad. Some guy you didn’t know, waving him over. Satoru hesitated. Then, with a small exhale, he gave you a lopsided grin. “Guess I’ll see you around.”
He didn’t wait for a response before turning away.
And you stood there, watching him go, feeling like something important had just slipped through your fingers.
Days passed. Then a week. Then two.
And for the first time in years, Satoru Gojo wasn’t part of your life anymore.
No more texts. No more unannounced visits. No more standing at your dorm door at 2 AM, grinning like he belonged there.
You had wanted this, hadn’t you? You had wanted the space, the distance, the freedom to not be caught in his orbit.
But now, without him, everything just felt… quiet. You hated it.
You missed him.
It was months before you and Satoru spoke again.
At first, you kept waiting for him to text you, to pop up at your door with some stupid excuse, to send you a meme like nothing had happened. But days passed. Then weeks. Then months. And Satoru Gojo—your best friend since childhood—became just another person you saw in passing.
Sometimes, you spotted him across the quad, surrounded by his usual crowd. Sometimes, you caught glimpses of him at the library, laughing too loudly with friends who barely even acknowledged your existence.
And it hurt.
More than you wanted to admit, it hurt.
But you told yourself this was how things were meant to be. That he had moved on, and you needed to do the same. That whatever had existed between you belonged to another lifetime, one where you weren’t the quiet girl who spent her nights buried in books, and he wasn’t the golden boy who belonged to the whole damn world.
You thought you were doing fine. You thought you were getting used to it.
Until the professor announced lab partners.
The moment your name was called, a small, high-pitched voice cut through the classroom.
“Uh… who?”
Laughter rippled through the room. You felt your face go hot, every muscle in your body locking up as the girl—some blonde from Satoru’s usual group—looked around in exaggerated confusion.
It was humiliating.
Because she wasn’t just some random classmate. She was someone who had spent actual time with Satoru. Who had probably been to his dorm, who had probably sat next to him at parties, who had probably heard him talk about people in his life.
And she had no idea who you were.
You didn’t even dare look at Satoru. Didn’t want to see his reaction. Didn’t want to see whether he’d step in, whether he’d say anything—
But he didn’t.
He didn’t laugh, but he didn’t correct her either.
Didn’t turn to acknowledge you. Didn’t make some joke to brush past it. Didn’t do anything at all.
Just stared at the table like he was somewhere else entirely.
And that, somehow, was worse than anything.
You swallowed hard, forcing yourself to keep your expression neutral as you scribbled down the details of the assignment. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t a big deal. At least, that’s what you told yourself.
Working with Satoru again was… weird.
Not just because of everything that had happened between you, but because neither of you seemed to know how to be around each other anymore.
Gone were the days of effortless conversation, of teasing remarks and stolen fries and arguments about Digimon evolutions. Now, everything felt stilted, careful, like you were two strangers trying to relearn the language of each other.
Sometimes, it almost felt normal.
Like when you sat across from each other in the library, bent over research notes, and he’d randomly hum the Sailor Moon theme song under his breath. Or when he muttered something stupid under his breath about the professor’s handwriting, and you nearly choked on your water holding back a laugh.
But then, inevitably, the moment would pass.
Because girls from his usual group would come over, acting like you weren’t even there, their voices too sweet as they draped themselves over the back of his chair.
“Satoru, are you coming to the party on Friday?”
“Satoru, when are you free? We should all hang out.”
And he’d always answer them. Always give some noncommittal shrug or a lazy smirk. But you could tell—even if no one else seemed to notice—that he wasn’t really there. That when he looked at them, he wasn’t listening.
And yet, he never told them to leave. Never told them that you were working. Never acknowledged you at all when they were around. So, after a while, you just stopped expecting him to.
And then, one day, you got sick.
Not just a little sick. Not just a sore throat or a cough you could push through. No, you were the kind of sick that made your whole body ache, that sent shivers down your spine no matter how many blankets you curled under.
But it was a project day. And despite everything, you still had responsibilities. So, begrudgingly, you shot Satoru a text.
Come to my dorm. I can’t go out today.
He didn’t reply right away. But twenty minutes later, there was a knock at your door. You barely managed to drag yourself over, your vision swimming slightly as you opened it.
And there he was.
Looking the same as always—messy white hair, sharp blue eyes, hoodie slung over his frame like he’d just rolled out of bed.
The only difference? The way his expression immediately dropped the second he saw you.
“Shit,” he muttered. “You look awful.”
You groaned, stepping aside to let him in. “Thanks for the confidence boost.” He kicked off his shoes, setting his bag down before eyeing you carefully. “Have you been drinking water? Eating enough? D’you eat somethin’ you weren’t meant to eat?”
You rolled your eyes. “How am I supposed to know, I just woke up sick as hell.”
Instead of a snarky remark, Satoru just sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. Then, before you could protest, he was guiding you toward the bed, nudging you to sit.
“You’re not working like this,” he said firmly. “Lie down.”
“I’m fine—”
“Lie down.”
You hesitated.
This wasn’t him. This wasn’t the version of Satoru you had gotten used to in the past year. The one who was always a little distant, a little out of reach. This was… him.
The Satoru you had known since childhood. The one who always knew when you were exhausted, even when you swore you weren’t. The one who used to push his fries onto your plate when you were too stressed to eat.
The one who, for the first time in months, was looking at you like you were still his best friend. So, slowly, you lay back down.
Satoru exhaled, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll get you some tea or something. You have any?” You nodded weakly. He moved toward your desk, rummaging through your stash of instant tea packets like he had done it a million times before.
And for the first time in a long time, the silence between you wasn’t uncomfortable.
It was familiar.
Safe.
And even though you felt like death warmed over, for the first time in months, you didn’t feel so alone.
From that day on, something shifted.
It wasn’t immediate, and it wasn’t dramatic, but it was there—a quiet, almost imperceptible change in the way things were between you and Satoru. The library, once the default meeting spot for your project sessions, was suddenly off the table. He stopped suggesting it altogether, and at first, you didn’t think much of it. But then, one afternoon, he showed up at your dorm unannounced, arms loaded with snacks and a careless shrug when you stared at him, bewildered.
“Library’s too loud,” he said, brushing past you and stepping inside like he owned the place. “Figured we’d get more done here.”
You didn’t question it. Not then, and not a week later when you found yourself in his dorm instead, sitting cross-legged on his bed while he scrolled through research notes on his laptop. 
“Library’s too crowded,” he explained that time, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
After that, it just became… routine. Your project meetings moved from the library to your dorms, back and forth, as if by some unspoken agreement. The shift was gradual, almost imperceptible, but it was there. You still weren’t quite friends again—not the way you used to be, back when everything was easy and uncomplicated. There was still a careful distance between you, an unspoken awareness of all the time that had been lost, all the moments that had slipped through your fingers. But things weren’t cold anymore. They weren’t distant.
Satoru filled the quiet moments with mindless chatter, the way he always had. He teased you about your typos, stole your pens when you weren’t looking, and groaned dramatically whenever you made him do too much reading. Slowly, bit by bit, the pieces of your friendship started falling back into place. Not completely. Not yet. But enough that sometimes, when the two of you were laughing over something stupid, it almost felt like the past year had never happened.
Then, one day, everything cracked open.
It was late—much later than usual—and the two of you were sitting in his dorm, textbooks and notebooks sprawled across his desk. You were both exhausted, the kind of tired that made your eyes burn and your thoughts sluggish. Satoru was absentmindedly flipping through one of your old notebooks when he suddenly snorted.
“Oh my God.”
You blinked up at him, too tired to muster more than a mumbled, “What?”
He turned the notebook toward you, pointing at a messy doodle in the margin. It was a Digimon—a rough, scribbled outline that barely resembled anything recognizable. But something about it made him grin, leaning back in his chair like he’d just uncovered a hidden treasure.
“Damn,” he said, shaking his head. “Feels like a whole different lifetime ago.”
And then, in a voice so casual, so familiar, he added—
“Remember when we made a whole ass PowerPoint ranking every Digimon evolution?”
That was it.
That was what broke you.
It was so stupid—just a random memory, an offhand remark. But the second he said it, something in your chest twisted violently. You clenched your jaw, swallowing hard, telling yourself not to be dramatic. But then your vision blurred, and suddenly, you were crying.
“Oh—oh shit.”
Satoru’s chair scraped against the floor as he shot up, eyes wide with panic. “What happened? What’s wrong?”
You barely managed to shake your head, your hands gripping your knees as you tried to steady yourself. But the tears kept coming, and then—through the hiccups, through the pathetic, trembling gasps—you broke.
You clenched your jaw, trying to hold it together, but the tears spilled over anyway. Your chest heaved as you choked out the words, “I miss you. I—God, Satoru, I miss you.”
His face went slack, his usual confidence faltering as he stared at you, stunned. For a moment, he didn’t move, didn’t speak, like he was trying to process what you’d just said. Then his voice came out quiet, almost fragile. “What are you talking about? I’m right here.”
You shook your head, your hands gripping your knees so tightly your knuckles turned white. “No, you’re not. Not really. You’ve been… gone. For so long. And I—” Your voice broke, and you hated how weak you sounded, how raw and exposed you felt. “I don’t want to be without you anymore. I don’t—I don’t want you to hate me.”
Satoru’s breath hitched, and for the first time, you saw his composure crack. His eyes glistened, and he blinked rapidly, like he was trying to fight it, but a single tear slipped down his cheek. He wiped it away quickly, his voice trembling as he muttered, “You’re so fucking stupid. How could I ever hate you?”
You let out a shaky laugh, but it came out more like a sob. “I don’t know. You just—you stopped talking to me. You stopped needing me. And I thought… I thought you didn’t care anymore.”
He shook his head, his hands reaching out like he wanted to touch you but wasn’t sure if he should. “I care. I care so much it’s stupid. I just—” He paused, his voice cracking. “I didn’t know how to fix it. I didn’t know how to come back after everything. It felt like you were pushing me away.”
“You could’ve just— I don’t even know what to say,” you hiccuped, your voice barely audible. “You could’ve just… stayed. I don’t know— like yell at me, tell me that you care for me or something. I wish I wasn’t so stubborn about not speaking to you either, but god, maybe I just wanted you to like— tell me how much you needed me. Because it never felt like you did anymore.”
Satoru’s face crumpled, and he let out a shaky breath, his shoulders slumping like the weight of everything had finally caught up to him. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice raw. “I’m so sorry for leaving you behind. I didn’t mean to. I just… I didn’t know how to be around you without feeling like I’d already ruined everything.”
You looked up at him, your vision blurred by tears. “You didn’t ruin anything. I just… I needed you. And you weren’t there. And really, it was my fault too, for not communicating—”
He cuts you off, his own tears falling freely now, though he didn’t seem to care. “I know. But I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you. I just… I didn’t know how to fix it. I— I should’ve been there for you more often because God, life without you is just so horrible, and I’ve been so horrible— ”
“You’re fixing it now,” you said, your voice trembling. “Just… don’t leave me again. Please.”
He let out a choked laugh, his hands finally reaching for you, pulling you into his chest. His arms wrapped around you tightly, like he was afraid you’d disappear if he let go. “I won’t,” he murmured into your hair. “I won’t. I promise.”
You buried your face in his shirt, your hands clutching the fabric as you cried. His body shook against yours, and you realized he was crying too—quietly, almost like he was trying to hide it, but you could feel the way his breath hitched, the way his hands trembled as they held you.
“I missed you too,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “Every fucking day. I just didn’t know how to say it.”
You didn’t respond, couldn’t respond, because the weight of everything—the months of silence, the distance, the ache of missing him—was finally crashing down on you. But for the first time in what felt like forever, it wasn’t a bad kind of crash. It was relief. It was the feeling of something broken finally starting to heal.
Satoru’s hand came up to cradle the back of your head, his fingers tangling in your hair as he held you closer. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, his voice firm despite the tears. “Not again. Not ever.”
You nodded against his chest, your tears soaking into his shirt. “Okay,” you whispered. “Okay.”
It took a long time for the tears to stop, for the sobs to quiet into shaky breaths. But even when they did, neither of you moved. Satoru kept holding you, his arms tight around you, his chin resting on the top of your head. And for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt safe. You felt like you were home.
When he finally pulled back, his eyes were red and puffy, but he was smiling—a small, tentative smile that made your chest ache in the best way. “You’re stuck with me now, like y’know, the annoying kid who’d follow you around as kids,” he said, his voice soft. “Just so you know.”
You laughed, the sound watery but genuine. “Good. Because I miss that Satoru, and I’m not letting you go again either.”
He grinned, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. “Deal.”
And just like that, something shifted. The distance between you closed, the cracks in your friendship slowly mending. It wasn’t perfect—not yet—but it was a start. And for the first time in a long time, you felt like everything was going to be okay.
After that night, Satoru made it a point to talk to you during class.
It was weird at first—uncomfortable, even. Because now, whenever he sat beside you, people stared. People whispered. But Satoru didn’t care. And after a while, neither did you.
Then, one day, it happened.
You were in the middle of a conversation when one of the girls from his usual group strolled up, her friends lingering just behind her.
“Dude,” she drawled, arms crossed. “We’re waiting for you.”
Satoru didn’t acknowledge her.
She huffed, looking at you for the first time.
“Who even are you?” she said, wrinkling her nose.
Silence.
Then—calmly, lazily—Satoru turned to her.
“Fuck off.”
Her expression twisted. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” he said, resting his chin in his hand. “We’re talking.”
You swore you saw steam coming out of her ears.
She spun on her heel, storming off in a flurry of designer fabric, and Satoru just turned back to you like nothing had happened.
You blinked at him, stunned. “That was… aggressive.”
He shrugged. “Don’t like her.”
You snorted. “You used to hang out with her all the time.”
“Yeah, well.” He gave you a pointed look. “I was an idiot.”
And maybe it was the way he said it. Maybe it was the certainty in his voice, the way he leaned in just a little closer like this—this—was what mattered.
But for the first time in a long time, you felt something settle inside you. Something warm. Something steady. Something that told you, without a doubt—
Satoru Gojo wasn’t leaving you behind again.
It happened slowly.
At first, it was just the way things had been before. You and Satoru were best friends again—finally, properly—and you were making up for lost time.
You sat together in lectures. You ate together between classes. You spent hours holed up in each other’s dorms, either working in silence or complaining about whatever god-awful assignment was due next.
And it was good. It was easy.
But then—then—things started to shift.
It was subtle at first.
A hand brushing against yours for just a little too long. The warmth of his body pressed against yours in a too-crowded study session, his breath fanning over your ear as he leaned in, muttering something you could barely focus on.
The way his eyes lingered when he thought you weren’t looking.
The way yours lingered, too.
It was a Friday night, and you were at Satoru’s dorm, lying on his bed while he sat at his desk, spinning lazily in his chair.
“I don’t wanna study,” he whined, stretching his arms over his head. “Let’s do something fun.”
You turned a page in your book, unimpressed. “And what exactly do you define as ‘fun’?”
“Dunno,” he mused. “Wanna go for a drive?”
You sighed. “Satoru, it’s almost midnight.”
“And?” He grinned, kicking his feet up onto his desk. “C’mon, live a little.”
You exhaled sharply through your nose. “You just don’t want to do your readings.”
“Obviously.” He snorted. “But also, I feel like getting snacks.”
You hesitated, torn.
Then, finally—
“Fine.”
His eyes lit up. “Knew you’d cave.”
You rolled your eyes, swinging your legs over the side of the bed. “Yeah, yeah. Let’s go before I change my mind.”
It was raining by the time you got to the convenience store.
Not heavily—just a light drizzle, enough to make the streets shimmer under the streetlights.
Satoru grabbed half the store’s supply of junk food while you rolled your eyes, paying for your single bottle of tea. Outside, the air was cool, the pavement slick beneath your feet.
“I’m driving,” you said as he dug through his bag of snacks.
“Nah.” He grinned, tossing a chip into his mouth. “I got this.”
You gave him a look. “You almost crashed last time.”
He scoffed. “That was a red light, not a crash.”
“You ran the red light.”
“Meow.”
You cringe, snatching the keys from his pocket. “Oh my god. Absolutely not.”
Satoru laughed but let you.
And for some reason, that made your stomach flip.
Back at your dorm, Satoru made himself at home—because of course he did.
He sprawled across your bed, one arm tucked behind his head, the other mindlessly tossing a snack in the air and catching it with his mouth.
“You should be paying me rent at this point,” you muttered, shutting the door behind you.
“I would,” he said, grinning, “but I’m broke.”
You huffed, settling onto the bed beside him. “What, your trust fund isn’t enough?”
He smirked. “Nah, gotta save that for important things.”
You rolled your eyes. “Right. Like overpriced sunglasses.”
“Exactly.”
You shook your head, reaching for the remote.
And then—a shift.
Satoru turned his head to look at you, and when you met his gaze, something in his expression softened.
“Hey,” he murmured.
You swallowed. “Hey.”
He reached out, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear.
Your breath hitched.
His fingers lingered at your temple, just for a moment. His touch was warm, featherlight.
You exhaled, heartbeat stuttering.
And then—just as quickly—he pulled back, flopping onto his back with a dramatic groan.
“What should we watch?” he asked, stretching like nothing had happened.
You exhaled.
Your chest felt tight.
“Uh.” You cleared your throat. “Dunno.”
And just like that, the moment passed.
But the tension didn’t. If anything, it only got worse.
It was in the way his hand brushed your waist when he reached past you.
The way he sat just a little too close, his knee knocking against yours under the desk.
The way his fingers trailed across your wrist when he grabbed something from you, his touch slow, deliberate.
And—God—it was in the way he looked at you.
Like you were something he couldn’t quite figure out.
Like he was waiting for something.
Like he wanted something.
And maybe—just maybe—so did you.
By the time second year rolled around, you weren’t sure what you and Satoru were anymore. Still best friends, technically. Still Satoru and you. But there was something else, too.
Something unspoken.
Something fragile and complicated and new. And neither of you dared to acknowledge it.
 —
The weather had started to change, the air cooler as autumn crept in. You could feel it in your bones—when the days shortened, and the sun hung low in the sky, casting long shadows. It made everything seem a little softer, like the world had gone quiet just to give you and Satoru a chance to breathe, to figure things out.
You were both sitting in the small, somewhat neglected corner of the university park, surrounded by towering trees with golden leaves fluttering to the ground. You were both on the grass, sitting close enough that your shoulders brushed whenever you shifted. It was the kind of quiet afternoon you could’ve stayed in forever, and maybe that was why you weren’t quite ready to let it end.
Satoru stretched, his arms reaching high above his head. “Ugh, my back’s killing me. Who knew studying could be so physically demanding?” He rolled his shoulders, groaning dramatically.
You shot him a sidelong glance, your lips curling into a smile despite yourself. “I think that’s just you, Satoru. You’re a professional at making everything harder than it is.”
He shot you a grin, a smug little thing, like he knew you couldn’t resist teasing him back. “Oh, please, I make things look easy. It's a gift.”
You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, yeah, the great Satoru Gojo.”
He raised an eyebrow at that, catching the teasing tone in your voice. “That’s right. You should be honored to sit next to greatness.” He nudged your shoulder with his, the warmth of his body spilling into yours. The touch was light but undeniable. Familiar.
You chuckled, nudging him back. “I don’t know if I’d call you ‘great’ when you still lose to me in Mario Kart every time.”
Satoru gasped dramatically, clutching his chest like you’d just struck a mortal wound. “You—I’m just going easy on you because I don’t want you to feel bad. I’m a gentleman like that.”
You could hear the playful teasing in his voice, but the way he looked at you—his eyes crinkling at the corners with that boyish grin—felt like something deeper.
“I don’t need you to go easy on me,” you teased, leaning in just a bit too much, your voice soft. “I’m pretty good on my own, thanks.”
That was when you noticed it—the way his eyes flickered for a second, his lips curving down ever so slightly before he caught himself. His gaze held yours for a second longer than normal, and for the first time in a while, you both just stayed there. Not a word. No jokes or banter. Just the space between you thick with unspoken things.
Satoru was the first to look away, clearing his throat. “Anyway, want me to go grab us something from that little café over there? You could use some food if you’re gonna keep up with me.”
You hesitated. He’s back to that again. The Satoru who was always making sure you were fed, always thinking ahead for both of you, even when he had to act like nothing was different.
But you didn’t want to ruin the moment, not now. Not when everything felt right.
“No, I’m good,” you said softly, shaking your head. “But... thanks.”
Satoru studied you for a moment, his brow furrowing slightly, before he dropped his shoulders with a sigh. “I swear, you’re impossible.” But even as he said it, his hand reached out—just a quick pat of his large hand atop yours. The briefest of contact, and for a moment, the world paused around you.
The warmth of his hand lingered even after it was gone, and you could feel your chest tightening, your pulse picking up. You didn’t say anything. Didn’t need to.
And for the rest of the afternoon, you stayed like that. Silent. Comfortable in the space between you, letting the quiet be enough. But you both knew it wasn’t just the park that made the air heavy—it was everything unsaid that clung to it.
Eventually, the sun began to dip low on the horizon, casting long shadows that stretched across the grass. You sighed, looking up at Satoru. “We should probably get back soon. It’s getting late.”
He glanced at his phone, then at you, and nodded. “Yeah. You’re right.” He paused. “Hey, you want to walk with me to my dorm? I’m not ready to head back alone yet.”
It wasn’t even a question, not really. But you could feel his eyes on you, like he was waiting for your answer to matter just as much as the offer itself.
You nodded, and the tension between you both lifted just a little as you both stood, stretching out the stiffness in your legs. “Sure, let’s go.”
As you and Satoru walked side by side, the night air crisp and cool against your skin, the silence between you felt heavier than before. It wasn’t uncomfortable—quite the opposite. It was charged, like something waiting to tip over the edge. Every step you took together seemed to draw you closer, and you could feel the warmth of his body beside you, even in the chill of the evening.
You weren’t sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way, his hand brushed against yours again. This time, neither of you pulled away. The tips of his fingers grazed your knuckles—light, tentative. Like he was testing the waters. Like he was waiting for you to stop him.
But you didn’t.
You swallowed, trying to focus on the rhythmic crunch of leaves beneath your feet rather than the way your skin tingled where he touched you. It was such a small thing, barely even a touch, but it sent your heart skittering against your ribs. And when you finally dared to glance up at him, Satoru was already looking at you, his lips curled into something between amusement and something softer, something unreadable.
“What?” you asked, trying to sound casual.
Satoru tilted his head, his silver-white hair catching in the glow of the streetlights. “Nothing.”
A lie.
Because there was something—so much something—wrapped up in the way his eyes flickered over you, lingering for just a second too long on your lips before he looked ahead again.
The air between you felt tight, humming with something unsaid.
You were nearing his dorm now, the pathway growing quieter, fewer students passing by. It was just the two of you, footsteps slowing, the night pressing in close.
Satoru exhaled a slow breath, and then—without thinking, or maybe because he had been thinking about it too much—he reached out again. This time, his fingers laced through yours, not just a brush, not just an accident. A deliberate touch, a quiet declaration.
Your breath caught, and you felt him squeeze—just slightly, just enough.
“You okay?” he murmured, his voice low, like he wasn’t sure he should be asking.
You nodded, your mouth suddenly dry. “Yeah. You?”
His lips twitched, like he wanted to smirk, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Dunno,” he said, squeezing your fingers again. “You’re kind of distracting.”
Your stomach flipped, heat crawling up your neck. “Oh, I’m distracting? That’s rich, coming from you.”
He huffed a laugh, the sound warm, teasing. “No, I mean it.” He stopped walking, tugging you gently by the hand so you turned to face him. “You ever notice how quiet things get when it’s just us?”
You blinked, your throat tightening. “Satoru—”
His free hand lifted, his fingertips barely skimming your jaw. He wasn’t quite touching, just there, like he was still giving you room to pull away. Like he wasn’t sure if he should close the space between you.
And God, you wanted him to.
Your pulse pounded in your ears. It would be so easy. Just one step closer. Just one little push, and—
Satoru exhaled sharply through his nose, his hand falling away, his fingers untangling from yours. He took a step back, running a hand through his hair. “Never mind,” he muttered, laughing under his breath like he was scolding himself. “Forget I said anything.”
Your fingers twitched at your sides, the absence of his touch making your skin feel cold.
“No,” you said, firmer than you expected. “I don’t want to.”
His head snapped up, eyes wide, startled. “You don’t?”
You took a breath, steeling yourself. “No.”
Satoru stared at you for a moment, his expression unreadable. Then, with a low chuckle, he shook his head. “You really are impossible.”
And then, before you could overthink it, before you could talk yourself out of it—you stepped forward, pressing your palm against his chest, fingers curling slightly into the fabric of his hoodie. His breath hitched, his body going still under your touch.
The silence stretched again, thick and unyielding.
“Say it,” you whispered.
His hands hovered at your sides, not quite touching, but close enough that you could feel the heat radiating from him. “Say what?”
You looked up at him, unflinching. “Whatever it is you’re holding back.”
Satoru exhaled, a sharp, unsteady thing. His hands finally settled on your waist, hesitant at first—then firmer, more certain. His fingers pressed into your hips, grounding himself in the feel of you.
And then, his voice—low, raw, real.
“I don’t want to be just your best friend anymore.”
Your breath caught.
For a moment, neither of you moved. The words hung between you, heavy and dangerous and everything.
Then, Satoru leaned in, his nose just barely brushing yours, his lips hovering so close. His breath was warm, and when he spoke again, it was barely a whisper.
“I want more.”
And then, finally—finally—you closed the space between you.
The kiss wasn’t tentative. It wasn’t shy. It was hungry, desperate, like the both of you had been waiting too long to do this, like neither of you wanted to waste another second. His lips crashed against yours, and you gasped against his mouth as he backed you up against the door of his dorm, hands gripping your waist tighter like he was afraid you’d disappear if he let go.
Your fingers curled into his hoodie, tugging him closer, feeling the heat of him seep into you. His body pressed against yours, and the air between you turned thick with something intoxicating, something impossible to stop now that it had started. The small, breathless noises you made against his mouth only seemed to push him further, his fingers sliding under the hem of your shirt, thumbs brushing over your bare skin, warm and firm and so much.
The door behind you dug into your back, and for a fleeting moment, a thought broke through the haze—what if someone sees us?
As if he could read your mind, Satoru groaned against your lips, impatient, and without breaking the kiss, he reached behind you, fumbling for the handle. The second the door swung open, he practically pulled you inside with him, kicking it shut before his lips were on yours again, urgent, demanding.
You barely had a second to catch your breath before he was guiding you backwards, hands never leaving your body, mouth never straying too far from yours. You stumbled together, his grip firm, his kisses growing deeper, hotter, more insistent as you moved through the dark room.
By the time you reached the bedroom, your pulse was a wild, unsteady thing, your skin burning under his touch.
His mouth was warm and soft against yours, kissing your lips like he was afraid you were gonna disappear. Using his strength to his advantage, he manhandled you into his lap on the bed, while he sat up against the headboard. His tongue prodded into your mouth experimentally, and when you obliged him entry, he swirled it around with yours before licking into the cavern of your mouth, tasting you as if you were one of those sickeningly sweet delicacies he enjoyed.
His hands roamed from your waist to your hips, to your thighs before stopping hesitantly over your ass, to which you dragged them down until he was squeezing and kneading the supple flesh with his hands, mouth slotted against yours.
You pulled back slightly, gasping for air, your chest rising and falling as you tried to catch your breath. But Satoru didn’t let you go far. His hands were firm on your ass, keeping you anchored to him as his lips trailed wet, open-mouthed kisses down your jaw. The sensation sent a shiver down your spine, and you tilted your head to give him better access, your fingers tangling in his hair.
His mouth moved lower, pressing hot, lingering kisses along the column of your neck. Each touch of his lips against your skin felt like fire, and you couldn’t suppress the soft moan that escaped your throat. His hands slid up your sides, his touch firm but gentle, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. One hand came to rest on the small of your back, pulling you closer, while the other cupped the curve of your jaw, his thumb brushing over your cheek.
“Satoru,” you breathed, your voice barely above a whisper, but he didn’t respond—not with words, anyway. Instead, he captured your lips again in a desperate, hungry kiss that left you dizzy. His tongue slid against yours, and you melted into him, your hands gripping his shoulders for balance as the world around you seemed to fade away.
His hands roamed your body with a kind of urgency, as if he couldn’t get enough of you. One moment they were in your hair, the next sliding down your back, pulling you even closer until there was no space left between you. You could feel the heat of his body through the thin fabric of his shirt, and you tugged at it impatiently, wanting—needing—to feel his skin against yours.
He broke the kiss long enough to yank his shirt over his head, tossing it aside before his lips were on yours again, more insistent this time. His hands found the hem of your top, and you lifted your arms without hesitation, letting him pull it off and discard it somewhere on the floor. The cool air of the room hit your skin, but it did nothing to quell the heat building inside you.
Satoru’s hands were everywhere—tracing the curve of your waist, skimming over your ribs, brushing the underside of your breast under your bra. You arched into him, chasing the friction, desperate for more.
His mouth found yours again, urgent and unrelenting, his tongue sliding against yours in a slow, deliberate stroke that left you breathless. He kissed you like he wanted to consume you, like he didn’t care about anything else but this—you.
Your fingers tightened in his hair, your breaths mingling, heavy and uneven. Every kiss, every touch, every press of his hands left you dizzy, lost in the haze of heat and want.
And when he pulled back, just enough to look at you, his pupils blown wide and his lips swollen from kissing, you swore you’d never seen him look at anything the way he was looking at you now.
Like you were the only thing that had ever mattered.
Both of your chests were heaving, your own shirt flung on the bed somewhere and Satoru’s completely off and forgotten somewhere on the floor. His hands were still settled on your waist, thumbs tracing slow circles over your heated skin. His head lolled back against the couch, a lazy, satisfied grin stretching across his lips.
“Damn,” he exhaled, voice slightly hoarse. “I think I saw the pearly gates for a second there.”
You scoffed, giving his shoulder a weak shove, while reaching for your shirt. “Dramatic.”
He only laughed, the sound bright and breathless. “I mean it, nerd. Who knew you had it in you?”
You narrowed your eyes at him, fingers curling against his shoulders. “Satoru.”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up.”
His grin widened, but he obeyed—for all of two seconds. Then, with a teasing glint in his eyes, he waggled his brows. “You know, we should really make this a regular thing. Like, for health purposes. I feel like I just did an entire cardio session.”
You smacked his arm. “Oh my god.”
He gasped in mock offense, pressing a hand to his bare chest. “See? That was uncalled for. Here I am, trying to improve my well-being, and you’re—”
“Satoru.” You fixed him with a look, but the corners of your lips twitched. He was impossible.
He chuckled, the sound vibrating under your fingertips. “Okay, okay, I’ll be good.” His grip on your waist tightened slightly, as if to ground himself—or maybe to keep you exactly where you were. “But… just so we’re clear, this isn’t, like, a one-time thing, right?”
You blinked, his sudden shift in tone catching you off guard. His usual playfulness was still there, but there was something else beneath it—something genuine, something careful.
You swallowed. “What do you mean?”
His gaze flickered over your face, searching. “I mean…” He exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck before looking at you again. “I was serious, you know. About liking you. More than a friend.”
Your breath hitched. “You were?”
Satoru scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Obviously. You think I just let anyone straddle me and—”
You smacked his chest. “Can you not ruin the moment?”
He caught your wrist before you could pull away, lacing his fingers through yours. When he spoke again, his voice was softer, quieter. “I was serious,” he repeated. “I am serious.” His thumb brushed over your knuckles. “I like you, and I want to do this properly.”
Your heart thudded against your ribs. “Properly?”
He nodded, suddenly looking almost shy. “Like… an actual date. Multiple dates. Boyfriend privileges. All that cute shit.” His lips curled into a lopsided grin. “So, what do you say?”
Your stomach flipped, warmth spreading through your chest. “You’re actually asking me out?”
Satoru huffed a laugh. “Well, yeah. What, you thought I’d just kiss you senseless and leave you hanging?”
You bit your lip, pretending to think. “I dunno. You are kind of a menace.”
His brows shot up. “A menace?”
You giggled, and he groaned, tightening his grip on your waist. “Okay, that’s it, you’re legally required to say yes now.”
You rolled your eyes but couldn’t fight the smile stretching across your lips. “Yes, Satoru. I’ll go out with you.”
His face lit up, and before you could say anything else, he was kissing you again, arms wrapping fully around your waist. He shifted, rolling you onto the bed so he was hovering over you, his weight pressed deliciously against yours.
“Guess that makes you my girlfriend now,” he murmured against your lips. “Which means—” His fingers trailed down your side, teasing. “—I get unlimited make-out privileges.”
You huffed a laugh. “You’re so weird.”
“Would you like it if I said sex privileges too?”
“I’m gonna seriously hurt you—“
Satoru only smirked before cutting you off with another kiss.
A few months into dating Satoru, you realised three things.
One, he had absolutely no concept of personal space. If he was near you, he was touching you—whether it was throwing an arm over your shoulder, draping himself across your lap, or trapping you against a wall just to say hi like a complete menace.
Two, he was shamelessly, overwhelmingly, ridiculously obsessed with you. If he wasn’t texting you, he was calling. If he wasn’t calling, he was physically finding you. And if he couldn’t find you, he’d send a stupidly dramatic voice memo about how he was “perishing” without you.
And three, he was always teasing. Always testing his limits, pushing your buttons, flashing that damn smug grin whenever you got flustered.
Like right now.
“I think you should stay over.”
You blinked up at him from where you were curled up on his bed, wearing one of his hoodies that was way too big for you. “I am staying over.”
Satoru huffed, rolling onto his side and propping himself up on his elbow. “No, I mean, like, actually stay over. Move in.”
You snorted. “Satoru.”
“What? I’m serious.” He nudged your knee with his own. “Just think about it. That trust fund has enough money— actually maybe more— for an apartment near college. We basically live together anyway.”
“Not even close.”
He scoffed. “Oh, please. You leave clothes here, you steal my hoodies—”
“They’re practically dresses on me.”
“—and you’re here more than you’re at your own place.”
“That’s a lie.”
Satoru gasped dramatically. “Oh, so I’m imagining you in my bed every night?”
Your face warmed, but you shot him a glare. “You’re exaggerating.”
He only grinned, scooting closer until your noses nearly brushed. “You love sleeping here,” he drawled. “You love my bed, you love my cuddles, you love this d—”
You smacked a hand over his mouth, but it barely muffled his muffled laughter.
“I swear to God, Satoru—”
Before you could finish, he grabbed your wrist and flipped you onto your back, caging you beneath him in one smooth motion. His weight was just enough to make your breath hitch, his silver lashes casting shadows over sharp blue eyes.
“You love me,” he finished, his voice dipping lower, teasing, smug.
Your stomach flipped.
“…Debatable,” you muttered.
Satoru barked out a laugh. “Debatable?” He leaned down, nuzzling into your neck as his hands slid under his hoodie, warm palms settling against your waist. “You’re literally in my bed wearing my clothes right now.”
Your breath stuttered as he pressed a slow, deliberate kiss just below your ear.
“Admit it,” he murmured. “You’re obsessed with me.”
You sucked in a sharp breath, your fingers gripping his bare shoulders. “Satoru—”
“I mean, I don’t blame you.” He grinned against your skin, pressing another kiss, this one lower. “I am insanely hot.”
You groaned. “You ruin everything.”
Satoru laughed, bright and breathless, before rolling over, pulling you fully on top of him with ease. His hands never left your waist, fingertips dancing over your skin in slow, lazy patterns.
Then he suddenly reached behind him, grabbed something off the nightstand, and slid his glasses onto his face.
You blinked. “I thought you preferred contacts now?”
Satoru hummed, adjusting them slightly as he gazed up at you. “Yeah, but I dunno…” His lips curled into a small, lopsided smile. “You always liked me better in these, didn’t you?”
Your breath hitched slightly. He wasn’t wrong—there was something about the way his glasses framed his face, how they softened him just a little, made him look more like the Satoru you’d known before he became everyone else’s.
“…You’re so full of yourself,” you muttered.
His grin widened. “And yet, you’re still staring.”
You scoffed, reaching up to pluck them off his face, but he caught your wrist, tugging you down until your noses brushed.
“Admit it,” he murmured. “You like me better like this.”
Your heart pounded against your ribs.
“I like you anyway,” you admitted, barely above a whisper.
Something flickered in his eyes—something soft, something warm—before his grin turned teasing again. “Good,” he said, rolling you onto your back in one smooth motion. “Because I was gonna keep you here all night either way.”
You barely managed to mutter, “You’re so weird,” before he cut you off with another kiss.
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i don't like this work at ALL lol but tbh i wrote this because i want to be wanted UGH hdhjsdh
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unacknowledgeable · 2 months ago
Text
Continued: Serial killer reader x yan!batfam
.........Ooooookay, I guess yall really liked my serial killer!reader? I guess I'm honor bound to continue??? Oh noooo, the horrorrrr. But seriously, I'm glad! Because it only gets worse from here! >:}
Anyway, this was really difficult to write because I literally could not find good starting and stopping points, I tried to make my thoughts flow into each other as seamlessly as possible but there's SO MUCH I wanna write for this, it’s eating me alive, (also like, feel free to send asks bc I get sidetracked a lot in my writing and looove just answering questions as jumping off points, so please gimme gimme)
That being said, enjoy!
WARNING for disturbing imagery, untreated mental illness and trauma, blood, and depictions of murder (seriously)
So obviously, this M/c is a serial killer, so how do they go about keeping this hidden while simultaneously living with the world's greatest detectives?
Simple, ya don't.
Okay so that's not completely true. Compared to the average criminal, you put in a lot of effort to not get caught, but the average criminal doesn’t live with THE Batman either
Compared to the rest of your family though? You basically put in the bare minimum required to hide your… unsavory activities
Of course, you'll wash your blood soaked clothes yourself, in the lesser used washrooms of the manor, but once in a blue moon, when you’re too tired to care or your catch of the night put up a greater fight then anticipated, you'll throw your tainted clothes in with the rest of the families
And they just… don't fucking notice.
Or when they do, they just assume that one of the others had an unfortunate run in with some criminal while in civvies 
You've overheard many admonishments from Dick or Alfred over the years, telling Tim or Jason to “Please stop putting bloody clothes in with the whites, there's a basket for them two feet away!”
It was always pretty hard trying to keep a straight face when hearing those scoldings, but you always did, you didn't want Damian demanding to know what was so funny and dampening your mood
Or Cass giving you one of her calculated looks and suddenly getting nosy, that would make losing your clothes to Tim’s closet a lot less worth the laugh.
It’s just that, this assumption is waaaaay more plausible then say, the serial killer they've been tracking relentlessly for literal years, is just…tossing their VERY incriminating evidence in with the family's laundry, then passing out on some couch in one of the many sitting rooms of the manor, while the family goes out and discovers their latest victim
It's just easier to assume it was one of the others, Dick would never connect you, of all people, to the gore tossed haphazardly in the hamper, it's way more likely to be one of the many crime fighters of the family, not the soft spoken hermit of the manor, and even if that was a possibility in his mind, you don't even have a scratch on you
Not that he’s ever bothered to check you for injuries before, like he does almost religiously for the others
And Alfred? Well he's of the belief you'd grown out of your… tendencies, that it was a one time thing. Despite his reputation as an omnipotent presence in the manor, he never did realize just how deep your mental issues ran. Not until it was far too late.
You don't even have a specific weapon either, half of the time you'll just take one of Alfred's steak knives and hit the lower levels of Gotham, wandering around the decrepit streets till you found someone suitable 
Other times, when you’re in an exceptionally bad mood, be it because Damian said something particularly venomous or Alfred missing an important event for you because something came up with one of your siblings, or even when your classmates decided it would be funny to key your car-
Or it's just one of those days
Those days when the abstract voices simmer louder in the back of your mind, pushing and nagging. Images that you desperately want to forget but can't help the need to recreate. All threatening to boil over until you either crumble into a sobbing heep on the floor or go out and do the one thing that has always been able to shut. them. up.
Those days you’re… forgetful
On those days, you forget to grab one of Alfred’s pristine knives, but that's fine, Gothams streets are littered with dangerous items, so there's no shortage of tools at your disposal. You're creative, resourceful, you can use whatever's on hand at the time, whatever's in reach.
But if there's nothing? No sharp objects, no discarded bricks or loose pipes or even a half empty beer bottle, well… you're no stranger getting your hands dirty
Those times however, are pretty hazy in the aftermath.
You’ll forget certain details, like how they gripped your arms in a vain attempt to draw your own blood as you drew theirs, in the event that if they dont get away, at least you'd be caught, (all it leaves are dark, tender bruises along your arms, that you'll spend weeks poking and prodding at, in the hopes of reliving that moment)
Or how they'd flail their legs, inches from the ground, trying to kick your legs out from beneath you (it was kinda cute, how much shorter they were then you, how little their attempts to free themselves did when it mattered the most)
Even their last, warbling pleas for mercy were lost to you. You know they said something, could vaguely recall that they spoke, too absorbed in watching their bloody lips turn blue as the oxygen in their body slowly ran out (No no please please…My girls are waiting)
No, no you don't remember much but what you do remember, what you always, always remember, are the eyes 
You remember the tears, the fear, the acceptance, the rage, the refusal, the disbelief, the confusion, the indignation, and most of all the recognition. 
Whether it be them recognizing just who you are or realizing that this is who will end their life, you don't know, you’ve never bothered to ask. 
You prefer to think it’s the latter, it's hard to explain, but it makes you feel so so important
When it’s over, and the adrenaline in your veins soften, your breathing calmer, the blood rushing through your ears no longer so deafening, and you can feel the pleasing ache in your limbs, you sit, and asses the damage, as you always do
You always make sure to grab their wallet, take out the ID and memorize it, before gingerly putting it back, and finally walking away, head clear and numb in the cold Gotham air
There's no real reason why, its mostly force of habit at this point, it started with your very first kill, you don't feel like breaking the little ritual now, or anytime soon
It just feels wrong, to take a life and not even know whose life it is...was.
Later, long past any reasonable hour, you lay in bed, fresh out of the shower and thumbing the bruises, listening to the voices over the family's communicators (you stole one of Dicks, he has a nasty habit of leaving them around the manor) as they patrol the Gotham streets for crime and mayhem
You honestly can't help the small smile that graces your face, falling into sleep, as you hear the quiet, defeated sigh over the highly protected com link, “B, I've found another one, it's…it’s pretty rough tonight”
The pause is long before a small, gruff, “I have your location, ETA in 10 minutes”
You slept pretty good that night
Damn, sometimes the shit I come up with scares even me, again, feel free to send asks (shh I'm not begging), the brain worms are always hungry and I have sooooo many thoughts about this thing. lol 
Hope you enjoyed!
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hy6erion · 26 days ago
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Hii! I know I just send in an another request but this idea also popped into my mind and I feel like you could write it quite well so I didn't want to send it to someone else.
Viktor×reader, where readers way of expressing their love and care is by taking care of people and trying to help as much as possible to make life easier for everyone they care about (opening doors, making food, helping a friend study, all the small and big things). I think viktor would struggle to accept that reader cares for him and isn't just babying him. Him slowly realising that he can ask for help not only when it's absolutely necessary but also just when he wants help because it would be easier. But then also getting stuck with the feeling of the reader being so caring for everyone. Love confession or something? Idk
Sorry for sending two requests in a row, take your time please.
~🍒
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞 - 𝐕𝐢𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
✰⍣..𝐕𝐢𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩- 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞.
⇢ 𝐧𝐨 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲/𝐧, 𝐠𝐧! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭/𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭
𝐢 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐕𝐢𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 (╥╯^╰╥)
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Viktor was used to doing things alone. It wasn’t a matter of pride—at least, not entirely. It was habit. Necessity. He had learned early on that asking for help often led to disappointment, so he learned to manage on his own. He had learned to be independent, to push forward no matter the difficulty, to adjust his grip on his cane and keep moving even when his leg ached and the weight of exhaustion pressed against his skull.
That was why he struggled with you. Because you—without hesitation, without expectation—made his life easier.
It started small, things he could brush off. You holding open doors when you walked ahead of him, waiting just long enough so he wouldn’t have to catch the handle himself. You adjusting his chair in the lab before he sat down, subtle, like you hadn’t even thought about it. You bringing him tea when you got your own, setting it down beside him without a word.
But it wasn’t just him.
You did it for everyone. Helping Jayce reorganize his disaster of a desk when you noticed him getting frustrated. Bringing Claggor coffee when he was pulling an all-nighter. Tutoring some first-years when you saw them struggling with equations you could solve in seconds.
You were thoughtful in a way that seemed effortless, as if your care for others was woven into your very being.
And it unsettled him. Because the more he noticed it, the harder it became to ignore.
He had spent years learning to work through pain, through difficulty, through exhaustion. He only ever asked for help when there was no other option. And yet, with you, help was simply given—before he could even think to ask.
And worse than that, you didn’t just do it because of his leg, or because you pitied him. You did it because you cared.
That realization was the most difficult thing of all.
The lab was quiet save for the occasional scratch of pen on paper and the rhythmic tap of Viktor’s cane against the floor as he moved back and forth between his desk and the chalkboard. He was immersed in his work, half-formed calculations filling the margins of his notebook.
Until—
“Viktor.” Your voice, warm and familiar, pulled him from his thoughts. He looked up just as you placed a plate of food beside him.
He frowned. “I didn’t ask for—”
“I know.” You shrugged. “But you haven’t eaten all day, and I was making something for myself anyway. Figured you’d appreciate not starving.”
Viktor’s mouth pressed into a thin line. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I know,” you repeated easily. “But I wanted to.”
That should have been the end of it. You turned to leave, already heading back to your own work, but Viktor’s grip tightened around his pen.
“…You do this for everyone.”
You paused, glancing over your shoulder. “What?”
“This,” he gestured vaguely at the plate, at the general atmosphere of you. “You help everyone. You—” He exhaled sharply, frustration edging his voice. “You don’t have to keep looking after me.”
You blinked, head tilting slightly. “I don’t have to. I want to.”
Viktor shook his head. “You should not waste your time worrying about me. I can take care of myself.”
“I know you can,” you said, more firmly this time. You took a step closer, crossing your arms. “But just because you can do something alone doesn’t mean you have to.”
Viktor opened his mouth, then closed it again, unsure how to respond to that. He had spent so long believing he was only allowed help when it was absolutely necessary. When he physically could not continue without it.
But you—you were offering it simply because you cared.
And he didn’t know what to do with that.
It took time.
At first, he tried to resist. If he needed something from a high shelf, he would stretch for it. If his leg ached after hours of standing, he would grit his teeth and bear it. If his hands trembled from exhaustion, he would steady them himself.
But you were there.
Not pushing, not forcing—just there. And it became harder to ignore the fact that things were simply easier when he let you help.
The first time he asked for something—really asked, not because he had no other choice but because he wanted to—it was almost painful.
“Could you… hand me that book?”
You didn’t comment on the hesitation in his voice, didn’t make a big deal of it. You just passed him the book and went back to your work, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.
And maybe, for you, it was.
So he tried.
He let you carry an extra cup of tea back to the table when he saw you holding two. He let you adjust the strap of his bag when it had slipped. He let you—just once—walk beside him at his pace without feeling the need to keep up.
And then one day, without thinking, he said, “Could you help me with this equation?”
And you did. No hesitation. No expectation. Just a simple, of course.
And he realized—he liked it.
He liked knowing that there was someone who cared enough to notice when he needed something. He liked the ease of it, the weight lifting from his shoulders.
But then— Then he caught himself watching you help others. Not just him. Everyone.
He told himself it didn’t matter. That it was simply who you were.
But the next time you reached out to help Jayce with something, something hot and tight twisted in his chest.
“Do you—” He hesitated, words feeling foreign in his mouth. “Do you care for everyone the way you care for me?”
You looked at him then, truly looked, as if you were searching for something beneath his carefully neutral expression.
“No.” Your voice was quiet, but certain.
His breath caught.
You took a step closer. “I care about a lot of people. But you—” A small, almost nervous smile played at your lips. “You are different.”
Viktor swallowed. He had spent so long avoiding the truth that it almost knocked the air from his lungs.
You cared for him. Not because you pitied him. Not because you saw him as weak.
But because you wanted to.
Because you loved him.
And suddenly, he was laughing—soft, breathless, incredulous.
Because maybe—just maybe—he loved you too.
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merchelsea · 7 months ago
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Could you write something really fluffy about Lando Norris x reader? Maybe something were their relationship is fairly new and it’s only like the 2nd or 3rd race week the reader has been to and she starts to get sick. She doesn’t feel well at all and try’s to hide it from lando so he can focus on the race but he eventually finds out and is all worried and cuteee
worried sick — lando norris
pairing: lando norris x girlfriend!reader
summary: it’s her first time attending a grand prix and also flying and she doesn’t want anything to ruin her boyfriend’s race, but she gets sick in the process.
author’s note: sorry for taking so long to get to the heart of your request (fluff) but i needed to give context to his worriess
word count: 3k
warnings: curse words
masterlist | requests (open)
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you sat on the dinner table, unable to speak. the fork fell from your hand the moment you heard lando's proposal and your eyes followed it's trail.
lando genuinely thought this would be a good idea, but seeing your reaction, with his eyebrows lifted, he may have changed his mind.
you had been dating for quite some time, four months and sixteen days, to be precise, but you were still a little aprehensive about the attention.
from the start, he warned you and gave you an easy way out of his life, but your love overpowered your fears.
even in a relationship, you and lando did everything you could to keep you out of the public eye, and it was working. no one knew about you and him and you liked that. but you were aware that he wanted you by his side while facing the adventures that his job provided him, and that he didn't want to keep you as a secret forever.
so when he made the invitation, it didn't surprise you, but you had to think about it.
you looked at him, he was wearing some jeans and a white hoodie that made him adorable in your eyes. he was looking at you, and you could notice him telling you it was okay to say no with his look.
but there was still a glimpse of hope in his beautiful green eyes, and in your mind you took another look at the pros and cons.
you could scratch out a couple of cons... like the fact that you liked being private. it was true, but you didn't mind not being a secret, and you would never like the idea of having famous and stunning women thinking that your boyfriend was available.
so with a soft look, in that modernly decorated dinning room in his home, you nodded your head.
"i think we could go to china together, yeah." he gave you a confused glance, but refrained from questioning you, afraid you would change your mind.
"great!" he stood up and walked over to you, "i love you," he whispered, pecking your lips before taking his empty plate to the sink.
you watched him come back and sit with you while you finished your own plate. you couldn't say you were hungry anymore, a hundred and one scenarios of what could go wrong in the hard launch of your relationship played in your mind.
lando's presence made it a little easier for you, though. you could only be thankful.
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you had never traveled by plane before, so you were pretty nervous.
china was really far from monaco, and your boyfriend told you that the flight would take 11 hours minimum, so you couldn't help feeling anxious.
he held your hand when he noticed your strange behaviour and you immediately intertwined your fingers together.
"it's going to be okay, love." norris kissed the back of your hand and you walked inside of the plane, hand in hand.
of course lando booked the first class seats. he knew about this fear of yours, so whatever he could do to help you out, he would.
you sat down and lando closed the little blind on the window by his side, so you didn't see how far from the ground you were.
you had your headphones on and lando held you close as the plane started moving. you were still not off the ground but the plane shaking scared the fuck out of you. you closed your eyes and tried to focus on the music. it wasn't easy. it was only when the plain stabilized in the air that you could open your eyes again.
"do you want water, food, anything?" your boyfriend asked as he noticed you were a little more calm now.
"water, maybe." you answered, still not feeling completely safe. "and can you open the blind please, i want to see."
"'you sure?" he asked, his hand already on the end of the blind.
"yup."
lando opened up the blind and you peeked through the window. you were already far from the ground and instead of feeling anxiety, that view actually made you a little more calm.
"it's beautiful." you whispered, body leaning towards lando so you could see it better.
the british boy's eyes were on you when he whispered back. "it really is." with a smile.
eventually you sat properly in your seat again and talked to lando as time passed.
you fell asleep with and lando carefully laid your chair back, took out your headphones and covered you with a blanket. he laid his chair back as well and watched you as you slept peacefully. you still had nine hours left and he knew you would be awake for the landing, which he didn't want.
you could only manage to sleep for 2 hours and when you woke up, you noticed your boyfriend sleeping. so the next hours were spent playing games in your mobile phone while you listened to taylor swift.
it wasn't as painful as you thought it would be, and it was only when landing that you felt the uneasy feeling come back. lando held you close through it, as he was used to it.
"it's okay, baby." he whispered. "i'm right here." his reassurence meant more to you than he imagined, and it helped as well.
everything went better than expected and you left the airport hand in hand just half an hour after getting out of the plane.
you felt tired, but it was still morning in china. lando seemed okay, he was already used to all the time changes, since he did this for a living.
"what d'you think about breakfast?" he asked as you passed a coffee shop.
lando was driving to the hotel you two would be staying in, and you honestly just wanted to rest. but you could'nt say no to a good breakfast.
"oh, great idea. i'm starving." you said and he chuckled.
"me too." he stated as his hand found place in your thigh. it stayed there until he needed to use it, to change gear.
he parked the car in front of the cute shop and you both walked in.
you both ordered and sat down talking to eachother until the food came. the driver explained the goods and the bads of the race here. and told you what he liked most about china.
you had done some research about the place yourself because you wanted to take profit of your time here.
as lando would probably have some meetings with the team and you would be alone, you decided to visit some interesting places of the city and even near cities.
you ate in a comfortable silence and left for the hotel as soon as you could. his team took care of the check in so you and him were able to just go straight to your room.
you felt yourself a little too soft, but never said anything because you didn't think it was anything serious and worrying him was something you were not going to do.
deciding to take a nap before doing anything, lando wrapped his arms around you and pulled the blanket over your bodies.
"i love the feeling of having you here." he murmured to your ear.
"i love being here with you." you told him honestly, falling asleep some moments later.
lando though it was weird, since you normally took some time to get to sleep, specially in new places.
when you first stayed the night at his place it took you two hours and a really boring movie.
he remembered it could've been caused by the flight or the time difference. the british was now used to it, but it was your first time, and it was a long flight.
he fell asleep thinking about it because, being honest, you were both more than exhausted.
you woke up just a couple of hours later, coughing, and imediately realized you had gotten sick, and were just in the first stages. you got up from the bed and went to the bathroom so you didn't disturb lando's sleep.
"this can't be happening" you whispered to your reflection in the mirror.
'it can be just a cold, everything will be okay in time for the race' you thought to yourself, trying to calm down.
it was frustrating, to be fair. you had been avoiding coming to his races for months, and when you finally decided to come you got sick.
however, you did not want that to get in the way of lando's weekend, so through the next two days, in which your boyfriend had free practices and qualifying, you pretended to be okay. it was not so easy because norris made every effort to make you feel okay there. that means he talked to every one of his mates and asked them to talk to their own girlfriends, to see if they were interested in meeting you, for his delight but not so yours, they all said yes.
so you were not only busy with pretending to be healthy but also trying to be nice to everyone and making people like you.
it wasn't that hard, you all just found something in common, that was your love for fashion and animals, and talked about it. you were pretty satisfied with the outcome of saturday, and so was lando, managing to get himself on fourth position, with two cars ahead he knew he could get out of his way.
he was starting to find your behaviour a little weird, as soon as you got home you took a really quick shower and got yourself comfortable in bed. he asked you if you were not going to get dinner with him and you told him you would just take a little nap, and asked him to wake you up once the food arrived.
the brit did as you said and tried to wake you up, but you told him you were not hungry in the moment. he made you eat anyways, because tomorrow was a big day and you didn't really have the energy to argue with him.
you both had a good dinner and what was his surprise when you got back to your bed and immediately fell asleep.
he tried to push his suspicions away but he was seriously getting worried. he laid next to you and held you close with one arm, the other resting behind his head as he thought. not only about you and your strange sleeping schedule but also about the circuit.
there was this one curve that he just couldn't get right, and he needed to get it tomorrow. or else he'd lose his chance of a podium or even a win.
he would never want to lose a podium, but with you here, the pressure was different. he wanted to do better for you. he needed to, after dragging you all the way to a new country and making you face your fear of planes.
he eventually fell asleep, your body so close to his comforting him and calming his mind that was going probably faster than his car.
you woke up first, in the morning. but, unlike the other two days, where you managed to get it together and pretend you were okay, today you had a huge headache along with an unbearable malaise.
immediately realizing you were not okay, you decided to not go to the track with lando. you were still planing to go, yes, but later on, after you took some medicine and felt better.
he was a little reluctant in letting you all by yourself because something inside him still thought that something was off. sleeping a lot, not feeling hungry, avoiding his touch and kisses (you did that once, but he still took note), it all felt a little weird.
but you convinved him, telling him that he no longer had time to wait for you and you still needed to get dressed and do your makeup.
"i'm going. but message me as soon as you get to the track, please. i want to see your pretty face before getting in the car." he asked you, his beautiful green eyes focused on yours.
you nodded your head and he pecked your lips. smiling, he turned around and left the hotel room. you decided to take a shower to see if it helped in any way.
it didn't.
you grabbed your phone and searched for lando's personal assistant's contact. someone needed to be informed about this, but you didn't want to alarm your boyfriend just before the big moment of the weekend.
he was really sweet to you, and suggested you stayed in bed and watched the race from the hotel. you were a little apprehensive about how lando would feel about this but he tried to calm you down as best as he could, telling you he knew the driver would understand and probably even be more worried than anything else.
he also promised to only tell lando once he couldn't do anything about it. of course you had asked.
was he going to be pissed? probably. did he love you more than anything and would he forget about all the rest in order to check up on you? absolutely.
once he was told about it, the only thing he could do was text you, so he ran to his phone and quickly wrote a message to you.
'baby i was just informed. i'm so sorry for not noticing.'
your heart clenched in your chest as you read his text. it was not his fault and you felt bad for making him believe that it was.
'it's not your fault, lan. and i'm okay'
you added a little heart at the end and sent it, automatically seeing the 'read' under the blue text baloon.
'you sure?? i can get someone to get you to a doctor'
you smiled at the screen, behind that smile was the way he didn't even hesitate to show you he cared and he worried.
'there's no need, i took some medicine and i'm better now. but good luck on the race. i'll be rooting for you.'
on the other side of the screen, lando sighed, he hated that he couldn't do anything about it but knowing you were okay comforted him a little. so he smiled and typed to you.
'thanks babe! i will be coming back to you as soon as i can, promise you.'
you simply liked his message, letting him focus before the race.
on the bed, you watched the entire race, as you always did. and you were so genuinely happy and proud of him for finishing second, that for a couple of minutes you even forgot you were sick.
you watched the podium celebrations and couldn't help but notice that your boyfriend wasn't as happy as he should be. of course he smiled receiving the trophy, and sprayed champagne on the other podium sitters, which were max and checo, but you knew him, and his smile wasn't as wide as usual.
you sat through and watched the interviews on sky sports. it seemed that you were not the only one who noticed his under-excitement, because that was the first thing the journalist questioned.
"so, lando norris. you just came second here in china. first of all, congratulations. second of all i have got to tell you that all of us were expecting a different reaction from you. you don't seem very excited."
he looked at the woman behind the camera atentively, but anyone with functional eyes could see that his mind was elsewhere. he smiled briefly at the end of her statement.
"well, thank you. and yeah, i'm not in the best mood but that has nothing to do with the race. i know i did my best out there and gave everything i could. unfortunately, max was still there, but we'll keep working, as a team, to get to him."
he smiled and the interview continued, as usual he discussed some technical stuff and gave his perspective on some bits of the race.
"right now i just want to go back to the hotel, to my girlfriend, who isn't here because she got sick, and give her all the love she deserves."
he smiled to the camera and left, leaving the space for others. you saw him walking with oscar behind alonso, who was now giving his own interview.
it didn't take long before you got a message from him, telling you he managed to escape some media duties to go back to you.
you smiled to yourself before answering, and then distracted yourself until you heard the door being unlocked.
jumping from the bed, you rushed towards your boyfriend when he arrived.
"easy there, baby." lando pulled you into a hug, one of his hands in your hair while the other circled your body.
"amazing race, my love." you whispered into his neck. he smiled and when his grip loosened, his lips met yours in a quick but lovely kiss.
"you've got me worried sick, you muppet." he smiled, but looking into his green iris you knew he was serious.
"didn't mean to worry you, i'm sorry," he shook his head and softy kissed your temple.
"don't be sorry. but nex time it happens, let me know. i wouldn't have made you go to practices and quali, and you could've rested."
his fingers caressed your hair and he pulled you to lay your head in his chest. you would never know how worried he got, and how he could only rest his mind after having you in his arms.
"i just didn't want you to worry unnecessarily. i thought i could go through it." your eyes made it possible for him to know that you were being honest. he let out a sigh.
"it's not unnecessarily, you stubborn thing. i love you and i care about you, and i wanted to be here for you." you pull your head back and lock eyes with him.
"i love you too. and thank you."
he kissed you again, all smiley.
you both decided to just lay in bed and do nothing for the rest of the day. you ordered dinner hours earlier, so you didn't have to worry about it later.
lando told you all about his race. from the lights out to the checkered flag he talked you through his decisions and his process of thinking in the moment.
he also kept asking you from time to time how you were feeling and if you needed anything.
you realized just how much you loved him and appreciated the way he cared for you.
once he fell asleep, you smiled out of pure happiness for having him by your side. no matter how much you had liked being kept a secret for a while, in that moment all you wanted was for people to know you loved him.
cause you did, more than you thought you could.
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© merchelsea
if you'd like to be tagged in any of my future works, let me know ;)
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lovelettersfromluna · 9 months ago
Text
Dream Girl
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Summary: Did you seriously think you’d be able to get over someone like Ellie Williams? Think again, dream girl.
an: I’m so obsessed with this series and the portrayal of Ellie, there’s just something about a small town romance that scratches the sweet spot in my brain. I hope you guys have enjoyed this one just as much as I have! Thank you so much for all of the support 🤍
Warnings: smut! MDNI!! 18+, tribbing (another tribbing fic by Luna?? Ofc do you not know me by now?), lots of kissing, sub!ellie if you squint, angst, mentions of another love interest, mentions of cheating, reader sucks Ellie’s fingers, pet names, unsure and closed off reader, pls lmk if I missed anything!
Read part 1 here!!
You watched from your bed as the gentle wind blew your lace curtains further into your bedroom, the birds chirping as the early morning sun slowly rose, cascading a warm glow into your room, making you squint your sore eyes with a soft groan.
With the slow rise of the sun came the constant reminder that you’d spent yet another night without catching a wink of sleep, lying there as you allowed your thoughts to carry you to places you wished didn’t exist.
Places of your ex wife, the bitter taste of your marriage still lingering on your tongue, reminding you of everything that could have been, everything that was lost due to lust.
Places of Ellie, the person who stole your heart first. You think of everything that could have changed had you not gone to the city, how your life's outcome would have had such a great shift due to one tiny change within the line of events that made up who you were, and what you did with your life.
It all leaves the whole in your heart feeling bigger, wider, swallowing up so much of the tiny organ that it almost felt there was nothing left of it.
It had been only a few days since the last time you saw Ellie, and the memories of that night still lingering in you brain, hanging heavily in your mind, stopping you from focusing on anything but that.
Because as much it felt good to kiss her, you haven't even been divorced for a year, and the conflicting feelings that you had for Ellie, paired with the newfound distrust and heartbreak that came from your recent marriage caused a storm in your head, heavy clouds swirling about in the confides of your mind and making it heard to think, hard to breath.
It was all just too fucking hard.
But you knew life was different now. You weren't a teenage girl that could run from confrontations for her own comfort. You were a grown up now, experiencing grown up situations that called for grown up reactions. So you knew that you needed to talk to Ellie, no matter how much it hurt to even think about facing her right now.
You weren’t even entirely sure where to start. Texting her was an absolute no, despite how much easier it would be to confront her that way, behind a screen would do a great job at cushioning the blow that came with confronting Ellie. Calling fell under the same category, she deserved much more than a measly phone call from your end with the intention of patching things up.
Which left only one option. You had to see her in person.
You sighed softly as you sat up in your bed, looking over at your phone resting face down on your bedside table. You hadn’t touched it since that night, avoiding the device all together in fear that you’d see any messages or calls from the worried girl.
So you aren’t surprised when you finally pick it up to see just that. Ellie didn’t pry, there were about three phone calls and four messages, all of which came across far too understanding and supportive for someone that had been kicked out mid make out session a few nights prior.
You inhale deeply before you open up your messages with her, and begin typing.
Hi
I’m sorry I haven’t responded.
Are you busy today? Can we meet up? I feel we need to talk
You practically hold your breath until she responds, which doesn’t take a very long time because the minute you send your first message, she’s read it and already typing out her message back.
Hey, don’t apologize. I was just worried about you
Ofc we can meet. Farmers market is opened today, you wanna check it out?
You don’t even realize it, but her messages are making you smile the second you read them out. Probably because of how easy Ellie makes things, how hard it is to make things awkward with someone as kind as she is.
That sounds great.
I’ll meet you there
Cool :)
Despite the small amount of anxiety that has alleviated when you’re finished texting her, you know this is only the beginning, the easy part of a conversation that will be much harder to have, much harder to explain when you aren’t even sure how to navigate your feelings as it is.
But there was no use in putting it off any further, so you’re quick to get out of bed, brush your teeth, haul on a pair of old blue jeans and an old band t-shirt and make your way out to your car to meet Ellie in town.
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It’s almost impossible to have a sour mood in a place as magical as your little town. The moment you got into your car, the warm sun soaking into your skin made you take a deep breath, allowing yourself to clear your head for a second before making your way out into town.
Your mom was right, the sun can cure more than you thought.
You hadn’t even realized it was Sunday, which meant it was your towns tradition to hold the farmers market in the town center. You used to look forward to it so much as a kid, knowing it would bring out the best of the people that lived here, showcasing the talent every person had.
Some people sold clothes that they made by hand, pieces that could only be made with love and care, something you often missed seeing in the city. Others sold jewelry, so delicately crafted it was almost unbelievable that someone was able to create something like it.
But your favorite? Was the food. Different pastries baked by the hands of men and women, recipes passed on from generation to generation to continue to breath life into the traditions that made up your town, tying one another together with a single cake or pie.
It was almost like magic.
You catch yourself smiling as you walk down the strip of stands already getting into their sales. Your heart warms at the sight of familiar faces, aged but still happy. You notice new ones as well, like when you approach a stand you remember being up when you were kid, one of which sold your favorite sweet rolls.
Your attention is far too occupied with chatting up the familiar curly haired girl at the stand, the same one that your visit when you were a teenager, eager to her mothers famous pastures. You’re surprised to see that there’s now a baby on her hip sporting the same head of spiral chocolate brown locks sprouting from her head, giggling and kicking excitedly as you introduce yourself, grabbing the babies hands as you catch your with her mom.
Ellie had arrived not long after you, standing nearby as she smiles fondly at the way the baby quickly becomes enamored with you. Watching you play with kids was something that always made her heart flutter with joy.
You giggle softly as she hands you both pastries, giving her a nod as she begs you to come visit her and the sweet baby more often. You hum softly as you struggle to push both your receipt and your phone back into your purse, groaning softly to yourself as you fail to notice the sudden looming presence that falls over the, gentle hands opening your bag wider as they aid you in putting everything away.
“Here, lemme help you” Ellie breaths out gently, her voice alone making you freeze as your eyes trail to her body to land on her face that was suddenly very close to yours.
She chuckles when she notices you staring up at her with wide eyes, nodding her head down to your bag.
“Come on now, would hate to make you drop those” she hums as she mentions the pastries in your other hand. You blink a few times before you clear your throat, giving a quick nod before you push your things into your bag with her help.
“Fuck…sorry…I…um…” you struggle to speak, adjusting your bag on your shoulders as you watch the girl step back with a soft smile.
“No worries, you alright?” She questions, neck craning down a bit to get a good look at you, her own big green eyes staring into yours, making it hard to breath.
God, this was going to be much harder than you thought.
You inhaled deeply, opening your mouth to speak before closing it, looking down at the sweet rolls in your hand before outstretching your arm to hand one to her.
“I bought this for you…I figured you hadn’t eaten yet so…” you mumble out softly, watching as she stared at you for a moment before looking down at the perfectly packaged baked good in your hand.
Her heart warming at the mere thought of you thinking of her in that way.
She smiles softly before she nods, placing her hand on the small of your back as she began guiding you out of the small strip of stands.
“So sweet of you…c’mon, there’s some places to sit right up this way” she suggests, giving you a small reassuring smile as she leads you there.
Somehow it seems perfect. The sun, the birds chirping, the little shady spot that Ellie leads you over to, covered by the biggest tree with the prettiest flowers slowly drifting down from above. It’s truly something out of a dream….
It made you wish this was all a dream.
You let out a soft sigh as you sit opposite of Ellie on the wooden bench, your fingers toying with the paper the pastry in front of you is wrapped in. Ellie frowns as she watches you closely, knowing the expression far too well. She could see just how much you were in your own head, how the events you two shared prior lingered in your mind, making it hard to focus on anything.
You couldn’t even look at her, and she hated that.
She inhaled deeply before she reached a hand out, gently placing it atop yours.
“I hope you didn’t bring me out here to apologize…because you don’t have to” her words are soft, and sweet, and it makes your throat get tight because she shouldn’t be so kind to you after what you did, after the way you treated her.
You don’t respond, so she takes the opportunity to keep talking.
“I get that things are probably hard…and I shouldn’t even have kissed you that night…so I’m sorry” she tries again, and you scoff softly before shaking your head.
“Don’t…don’t apologize” you mumble out before you inhale deeply, finally looking up, only not at her, at the scenery around you both.
“I caught her in our bed, with some girl she worked with” you mumble out softly, fingers mindlessly running along the rough surface of the wooden table.
“I probably should have seen it coming….but I think I wanted things to work out so badly that I just ignored it” you shrug slightly as you explain before you finally look over at Ellie, who’s already staring intently as she listens to you.
“Ellie I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, or to think that I’m using my divorce as an excuse for what I did, for what happened between us….but I just need you to know that I’m hurting, and it’s just….hard for me to open myself up to something like that again after what happened” your voice breaks as your emotions threaten to give you away, chin wobbling as tears pool in your eyes.
But you don’t let them flow free. You don’t want to cry anymore, not over this.
“I…I just need time….” You silently beg, beg for her to understand what it is you’re going through, what it is you’re experiencing.
It scares you when she doesn’t answer right away, her green eyes scanning your face as she takes it all in. It’s a lot, and you know that, but there’s a tiny part of you that begs for Ellie to do what she does best, which is tell you exactly what you need to hear.
She blinks a few times before giving you a nod, paired with a soft smile. “You don’t even have to ask….you know I’d understand no matter what”
You inhale deeply as you watch her, her gentle eyes, her soft smile telling you that all would be fine. It make your stomach churn because you feel like you don’t deserve it, you feel like she deserves so much more than what you’re giving her.
You two haven’t even addressed what actually happened that night.
There’s nothing more to do than to simply smile back at her. It’s weak, and it isn’t much, but it’s all you can mange right now.
Ellie smiles softly at you before she looks down at the rolls in front of you both. “As good of a baker that Mary Beth is….i think we need some real food” Ellie hums out softly before she swings her leg over the bench to get up, nodding her head towards a small diner nearby.
“Come on. Let’s get something to eat” she suggests, holding her hand out for yours.
She notices the way your eyes linger on her calloused hand, unsure of whether or not you should take it, unsure of what signals it would send if you did.
You were unsure of everything. Unsure of Ellie, yourself, your own feelings. Nothing felt solid enough to trust, and you hated that someone like Ellie could make you feel that way, even though you knew that it wasn’t her that was making you feel that way, but rather what happened to you instead.
She can see it, she can see right through you and for a moment her frown mimics yours before she it turns into a soft smile.
“As friends” she affirms gently.
She sees a flash of something ripple through your eyes at this when you finally look up at her, something she doesn’t want to read too much into, something that she knows she can’t dive into for your own comfort, and perhaps even hers too.
A moment passes before you crack a weak smile, placing your hand into hers before you nod. “Yeah…as friends” you manage to make out weakly before grabbing the things off the table, shoving them into your bag and leaning into Ellie’s warmth as she guides you to the diner.
Ignoring the bitter taste left on your tongue at the way Ellie assured you that she was your friend, and nothing more.
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Your mind was in absolute shambles.
It had been a few weeks since the farmers market with Ellie, and truthfully all had been well between the two of you. You both ate together, talked, laughed, you were even able to talk about your divorce, explaining to Ellie how you felt, what it had done to you, and she listened to it all, nodding along to your words, giving you the advice you didn’t want to hear, but very much needed. For a moment it was easy to forget all about the tension that had settled between you both, the thoughts that plagued you were finally silenced as you allowed yourself to just simply be.
That was until you got home.
The second you were in your bedroom, lying there, staring up at the ceiling, memories of that night began to flood into your mind. You could feel it all so clearly, Ellie’s hands on your body, her lips pressed against your mouth, gasping for air, her tongue sliding against your own. Her words echoed throughout your mind, desperate pants and moans of how she needed you, of how you needed her.
You couldn’t sleep a wink.
It felt as though you hadn’t even talked to her, as if things hadn’t glossed over to where they were okay, a point where things were fine between you both. They were, but the feelings you had were still there. You thought that if you had at least talked to Ellie, explained to her what you were feeling, it would give you a head start on where to go with sorting out your own feelings.
None of that ever came.
Your body yearned for a moment of peace from the issues at hand, you wanted to feel the same way you felt when you were sat at the diner with Ellie, her laugh and her sparkling smile distracting you from the things you were feeling.
But you knew you couldn’t turn to her for a distraction, you couldn’t use her to occupy your mind from facing things that you’d much rather ignore. That wasn’t fair to her and it would only hurt you further in the long run, lengthen the grieving process of the death of your marriage.
You couldn’t do that to Ellie.
You could however, go somewhere that you knew would clear your mind the moment you were there.
The low hum of your car engine shuts off as you pull up to the familiar clearing, a gentle smile on your face as you can already hear the gentle stream of the water the moment you’re stepping out of the car.
The old creek was one everyone in your town treasured, a tiny glimpse of paradise in the confides of your backyard. It was where all the seniors would go for senior skip day, and where families would visit to spend the day with their children. If there was any place that the people of your town would be during the summertime, it would be the creek.
And rightfully so, the waters sparkled like nothing you’d ever seen before, the shady trees hiding the spot away like a secret that belonged to you and only you. You had many fond memories of the place, ones with your family, your siblings, your old friends from school.
Ellie.
You and her would visit the spot any chance you got, diving into the cold water the moment you were there. You could recall the moment you two first found out, thinking it was a secret only you two shared, just to find out your parents had been visiting when they were your age as well.
Regardless of the fact that it didn’t belong to you two, it felt like it. A small piece of the world that you and Ellie could call your own, sharing secrets there with one another, Ellie pushing you off the old swing tied up to one of the trees before she swung in soon after, diving in and holding you close to her chest as she promised you’d be together forever, for as long as you both lived.
The intensity that you both shared as teenagers often made you laugh. What a silly thing for two teenage girls to say who have barely experienced the world out there.
You let out a gentle sigh as you rugged off your denim shorts after setting your spot up. A small blanket settled down with your bag, your old camera and a few books, clearly having every intention of staying the entire day, swimming to your hearts content.
Once you’re stripped of your clothes, your body only clad in your old bathing suit, you waste no time in making your way down to the water, shivering slightly once your toes hit the cold water, wiggling them in the process.
You’re convinced swimming in the small body of water has to have some sort of mystical healing properties, because the moment you’re diving your head under, eyes examining the aquamarine world that is below the surface, your mind is clear. It makes you feel like you could live there, swimming amongst the different underwater caverns and the fish, creating a whole new world below as the little mermaid you always dreamed to be.
Your mother always told you she thought she’d given birth to a little fish when your father first took you swimming.
It’s so easy to lose track of time when you’re like this, floating around in the water, letting its coldness wrap you up and swallow you whole. It’s almost comforting how quiet it is, the only sounds being the gentle stream of the water, the wind rustling against the tree leaves and the frequent sound of the birds chirping to let you know that you weren’t alone, letting you know they were there with you.
You don’t even realize it but you’ve spent hours swimming about in the small pond, the grumbling in your stomach finally stops you for a moment to actually think about anything other than swimming, forcing you out to lay out onto your blanket and dry in the sun, occasionally popping the sweet berries into your mouth you’d brought from home.
The book you’ve brought with you also silences the outside world, allowing you to flip from page to page without thinking of anything but the regal characters that seemingly had much more to worry about than you. What a world it would be to wear uncomfortable dresses and attend balls in the hopes you’d find the perfect husband.
What would they think of your divorce?
It makes you snort to yourself, a gentle hum leaving your lips as you flip another page, unaware of the sudden sound of feet crunching against the grass slowly approaching you.
The high pitched sound of your name being called rips your attention away from your book, furrowing your eyebrows a bit as you cup your hand above your eyes to shield from the sun, trying to get a good look at who it was that was disturbing your peace.
“I didn’t think I’d be seein’ you here! What a surprise!” Lilac chirps out, her curly hair tied up into a perfectly styled bun, tight coils framing her face as she clutches her towel to her chest.
You hadn’t seen her since the night Ellie took you out to the Copper Cat a few weeks ago, the girl not lingering on your mind much as you had much bigger fish to fry. You were honestly a bit shocked that she’d even remembered your name.
You give her a gentle smile as you sit up, your legs folding to cross one another as you give her a small smile.
“Good to see you Lilac….going for a swim?” You ask her, watching as the girl takes the spot right next to yours, her blanket fitting perfectly up against your own as she gives you a confident nod.
“Mhm! It’s too hot…bless Ellie’s heart for sharin’ this place with me. Don’t know what I’d do without it” she chirps out as she tugs her own denim shorts off, leaning her in the cutest little bikini.
You know she doesn’t mean it in the way that it sounds, bragging about being introduced to the small clearing by your ex girlfriend, and you knew that it was only in due time that this place was mentioned to her by someone in your town, making sense that Ellie would do it first since that’s just the kind of girl Ellie was.
But there’s just something that tugs at your heart at the thought of it all. Ellie mentioning this place to her, the two of them coming down together, alone, Lilac adorned in another one of those adorable bikinis she had to show off to Ellie her gorgeous body as they play in the water together.
Something about Ellie sharing the spot you two shared with someone else that just rubbed you the wrong way.
You inhale deeply, trying to calm your nerves as you remember that this girl owes you nothing, Ellie owes you nothing and Lilac has been nothing but kind to you from the moment she met you.
Giving her a gentle smile as she settles down next to you, you nod. “It’s pretty great out here…I’m surprised it isn’t so packed. Seems we got lucky” you give her a nod before you sigh, turning your attention back to your book.
She smiles fondly as she watches you turn your attention back to your book, her neck craning down a bit to get a good look at the cover, gasping softly once she realized what it was you were reading.
“You read those too? I love them! I just finished the first two” she beams, a soft hum leaving your lips as you look up at the girl, raising your eyebrows at her comment.
“Really? Most people think they’re super corny” you pout softly as you turn the book over to look at the cliche cover, which only earns a firm head shake from Lilac.
“Honey I’m a hopeless romantic, I daydream more than I actually try talking to people” she giggles out softly, giving you a gentle shrug.
Her words make you chuckle softly, gently closing your book as you toss it to the side before sitting up to mirror her posture, crossing your legs as you suddenly give her your full attention.
“You’re a hopeless romantic? But…Lilac you’re gorgeous. I wouldn’t be shocked if you have every single guy here desperate to get a chance with you” you confess, which only makes her shake her head as she gives you a shy smile, gently shoving your knee.
“Don’t you dare! I’m awful at talking to people” she pouts out, her eyes dropping from her own as she stares down at the flowers on her blanket, delicate fingers tracing the patterns gently as she lets out a gentle sigh.
“If I’m being honest…it’s not the guys here that I want…” her words trail off softly, and it makes you pout softly as you eye the girl, seeing how whatever is on her mind is clearly bothering her, plaguing the girl just as much as what was on your mind.
You open your mouth to ask her about it, feeling bad about whatever she was going through, but she’s quick to shake her head and put on a bright smile once she looks back into your eyes. “But let’s not get into that! M’glad you’re here to join me today” she breaths out, her voice sweet and genuine as her eyes soften.
And it makes your heart rate finally slow down, seeing just how genuine the girl seemed, how happy she was to be there with you regardless of the fact that you were as good as a stranger to her than anything more.
You smile softly as you nod, leaning forward and placing your hand on hers, giving a gentle squeeze. “Don’t mention it, Lilac” you hum out softly.
If there was anything you didn’t expect to do today, it was to have made a new friend, especially one in Lilac. The two of you spent the entire day down at the creek, laughing together, swimming together. The more time you spent with her, the more you realized just how much in common the both of you had.
Being completely honest with yourself, she had more kindness in her pinky than anyone in the city ever did.
The sun has set, and the breeze blew against your warm skin as you leaned against your car, Lilac in front of you as she made yet another joke that had you throwing your head back as you let out a loud laugh.
“Stop I feel the same way! I always wondered what happened to him” you gasp out, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear as you lean back to shove your back into the passenger seat of your car. Lilac giggles softly as she nods, her arms crossed over her chest as she swatted away the mosquitos slowly began to swarm around you both.
“He’s still an idiot, some people never change I fear” she groaned out, a prominent pout on her perfect lips before she cocked her head to the side, smiling fondly at you.
“Ellie was right about you, you know? You really are somethin’ special” she breaths out, and it has your eyes going wide at the mention of the girl. It makes you realize that you hadn’t thought about her all day, not since Lilac had joined you.
It makes you wonder what other things Ellie had said about you.
You whine softly as you bring your hand forward to nudge her playfully. “Shut up….you’ll blow my head up” you warn the girl playfully before you sigh softly, looking over at the sun that was slowly bur surly setting, the once warm glow that casted onto you both disappearing.
“Ahh I should get going…we shouldn’t be on the roads too late” you breath out softly, turning towards the girl and giving her a small smile, only to see a sad one on her face.
You frown softly as you watch her, leaning forward and giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “Hey? You okay?” You ask gently, suddenly worried about the girls shift in her mood.
She lets out a gentle sigh before she looks down at her feet, kicking around the gravel below before she lets out a soft hum. “I know we don’t know each other well…but…I feel like you’ll be my only help with this” she admits to you, her eyes still casted downwards before you assure her with a soft voice. “Of course you can..” you mumble out softly.
She finally looks up at you, taking a deep inhale before she gives you a half smile. “I…think I like Ellie” she breaths out, as if she’d been keeping it held in for so long, as if finally telling you was letting a weight off of her shoulders.
Letting it off of hers and slamming it down onto yours.
You find it hard to breathe, because suddenly you’re shot back to the first night you met Lilac at the Copper Cat. Ellie’s hand on her waist, hers on Ellie’s arm as she whispers in her ear, the two of them matching one another far more than you felt you could’ve ever matched Ellie. You feel threatened, and it sets a fire off in your chest, and you feel like the world is crumbling around you as this beautiful girl admits her innocent feelings for your ex girlfriend.
When you don’t speak, she continues.
“And I just…you and her are so close, so I was hoping maybe you could give me some advice? Should I go for it? Do you…think she’d like me back?” She asks hopefully, twiddling with her fingers nervously as she watches you closely, awaiting your response.
You stare are her blankly, your body working on autopilot as you try to work your way through this. Seeing her that night felt like it might’ve all been in your head, especially when Ellie ran out after you and left the moment you were ready, but now this is all real. This is Lilac confirming that what you felt was real, and this was the reality of coming back to your hometown, more specifically your ex girlfriend.
And as you stand there, trying to figure out what the hell to say to this girl, you can only see someone doing the same thing that you’re doing. She’s a young girl, looking for love in this crazy fucked up world, and she’s unsure of herself. Someone as beautiful as her is unsure of herself and you could only wish that someone would have guided you when you were pursuing your ex wife, a third party bystander giving their advice and helping you through it all.
Because as much as it kills you? Ellie deserves love, and so does Lilac, and if they find it in one another, who the hell are you to take that away from them.
The both of them owe you nothing.
You inhale deeply before giving her a soft smile, nodding as you reach out to give her arm a gentle, assuring squeeze. “I think Ellie would be thrilled to be with someone like you, Lilac….you should go for it” you breath out genuinely, watching as the girls face lights up with joy with your confirmation, an excited squeal leaving her lips.
“I was hoping you’d say that! You’re an angel” she squeals, reaching forward and grabbing you up into her arms as she gives you a tight hug, swaying back and forth as she tucks her chin into your shoulder.
You can practically feel the happiness radiating off of her.
You smile softly as you nod, wrapping your hands around her as you hug her back before you hum. “You didn’t need me…you’ll be great on your own” you assure her before you pull away, giving her a reassuring nod.
She smiles brightly as she nods before she lets out a loud sigh. “Right…get home safe, alright? And text me! We can hang out sometime this week” she sings out as she gets into her car, giving you a wave as she begins pulling off.
And suddenly you’re left there all alone, with the newfound thoughts that are swirling about in your head. You know already that you won’t be able to sleep, not with the mental image of the two of them dancing around in your mind, forcing you to face reality, face the facts that time moves on with or without you.
But you were tired of being left behind, you were tired of being the last one to know things, the one broken heart in a sea of mended ones.
Driving off in your car from the creek gives you time to think, the cool breeze kissing your skin, pushing your hair back as the radio plays your favorite songs, creating somewhat of a perfect scenario to think things over rather than running from them.
While it all hurts, you know that there’s no use in standing in the way of Lilac or Ellie or whoever for that matter. Life would continue moving, and in that meant new love would be found, for both you and Ellie, it just felt like that wouldn’t happen for you in the moment, even if you knew it would.
But you were going to move on from this. And you were going to be fine, no matter how long it took for you to catch up with the tracks of life that seemingly always got the best of you.
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There’s something therapeutic about hanging up the laundry on the old clothes line in your backyard.
You used to make fun of your mom all the time when she did it, telling her that there was a perfectly good dryer inside that would take less than half the time to dry the clothes than they did outside, not to mention less work when it came to picking them in.
However as you’ve grown older, there’s something so simple about walking outside with your basket on your hip, the gentle smell of detergent blowing into your direction as you pin up several articles of clothing, your white sheets, anything that you’ve washed, that tickles your brain in the best ways.
That, and the fact that these days you’ll take any task to fill your brain with thoughts other than Ellie or your ex wife.
Things had been fine. You spoke to Ellie here and there, dropped dinner off at Joel’s house that you knew he made sure she got some of whenever you made extra, you even made time for Lilac within the week as well. You’d picked up a small job in town as well, working at the cashier of a small floral shop that had been in town from you could remember.
So although your mind drifted to places you didn’t often like, life was fine. Life was slow, and life was good.
Lilac constantly gushed to you about Ellie, talking about all the progress they’d been making, asking your opinion on the girls behavior, which you always tried your best to help with. Although the strange thing about it all, was you heard nothing from Ellie about the situation. She didn’t mention anything about Lilac, not even when you brought it up.
It wasn’t long until you began distancing yourself from the both of them, knowing how hard it would be once they became official and you had to live life in a world where they were together.
Because although you were doing okay, the wound was still fresh, and you had to keep your peace.
You hummed a gentle tune softly as you continued hanging up your linen on the line, enjoying the feeling of the cool summer breeze against your skin, the dandelions dancing along through the air as they became loose from their stems.
The sound of your fence creaking open cuts right into your thoughts of housework, forcing you to turn around as you hang up another one of your sleep shirts, a soft smile on your lips when you catch sight of the familiar tall brunette walking into your backyard, both her hands shoved into the pockets of her denim jeans.
“Ellie…didn’t think you were coming over” you sigh out softly as you clip the end of your shirt up, continuing to hang up your clothes regardless of her being there.
“Was in the neighborhood….I thought I’d stop by” she breaths out, eyes taking in your form as you continue with your chore.
Her voice seems like something is bothering her, and you catch onto it the second she utters her first syllable. You know already why she’s here, to question you about your sudden absence, wondering if things were okay with you or not, worry clear in her tone.
“You…haven’t been around lately” she mumbles out, that same worried tone laced throughout her words.
It was just as you suspected.
You frown, thanking the task of laundry that hides your expression from her. It’s so much easier to lie to Ellie whenever you’re not looking into her eyes.
“Oh…I’ve just been uh…dealing with some stuff” you’re quick with the excuse, clearing your throat before you turn around to give her a soft smile. “I’m fine…honest” you give her your best attempt at a reassuring nod before you turn back to your laundry.
You have to turn away from her quickly, because you can see from the small glimpses you get of her that she’s frowning, and her brows are furrowed together with something that’s bothering her.
You hope she’ll leave after you tell her you’re fine.
But she doesn’t. You don’t hear her respond to your words, or even turn around silently to go about her day. You hear nothing behind you, only the sound of your white sheets wafting through the wind, drying on the line before you.
You frown when you look down to see your basket is empty, and the task of pinning up your clothes is no longer present to hide you away from Ellie.
So you need to get rid of her.
You inhale deeply, picking up the old basket and placing it on your hip, putting your most believable smile on your face before turning around, finally locking eyes onto the girl to see something that makes your heart sink.
It looks like she hasn’t slept, prominent bags under her pretty eyes, pouty pink lips chapped, most likely picked and bit at out of anxiety, a bad habit you knew she had whenever something was bothering her. Your heart tugs at the image, wanting nothing more than to pull the girl down into a hug, consoling her and telling her that whatever was bothering her, would be fine.
But you can’t. Because things aren’t the same anymore.
You inhale deeply before you nod your head towards your back door. “Well…I have lots to do inside…more house work…dinner” you explain, trying your best to hint at Ellie leaving without having to say so.
“Did I do something wrong?” She finally makes out, her words a clear plea to understand the situation rather than a half mumble that she’d rather not say.
It makes you furrow your eyebrows, watching the girl with a confused look as you try to understand her.
“Wrong? Ellie…I’ve barely seen you. What could you have possibly done wrong?” You try, confused of the sudden outburst from the girl.
Her eyes are stormy, hazy and hard to read. Her brows are knit as she looks down at the floor before looking back into your eyes, a prominent frown on her face.
“Why would you tell Lilac that there’s something worth looking for between her and I…why would you…” her words trail off, as if she wants to say more, as if she wants to persist with knowing why you would have done such a thing.
And soon it all starts making sense.
You wish Lilac wouldn’t have said anything. You wish she wouldn’t have told Ellie that you were the one that told her to go for it, even if she was the one that asked in the first place. You wish she would have just pursued Ellie without any mention of you, because was that even necessary? You know she must have done it to gush about you even further, the girl becoming enamored with you from the moment she saw you, and even more so once you two became closer.
But for the love of god…did she really have to tell Ellie that you were the one to tell her to go for it?
You open your mouth to speak before you sigh softly, your hands squeezing the handles of your clothes basket before you speak. “I….she spent the day down at the creek with me and when we were about to leave she told me she liked you…and she asked me if I thought she should pursue you” you explain with a shrug of your shoulders, which only makes Ellie scoff in disbelief.
“And you told her that was a good idea?” She argues back, as if it were the dumbest thing you could have ever done. She says it as if it were common knowledge to tell the girl other wise, you raise your eyebrows when she says this.
“Yeah? Why not? Lilac is…she’s fucking gorgeous Ellie. Anyone would be lucky to have her, and you should be happy I put you on with someone as great as her” you mumble out as you slip past the girl, clearly done with Ellie and this conversation as you walked up the wooden steps leading to your back door.
But Ellie isn’t finished with you, because she’s quick to follow behind, closing the door behind you as you make your way into your laundry room to set your basket down, your hands going to your hips once you turn around to see the girls built figure standing in your doorway.
“Ellie come on…I have things to do…you need to go” you huff out as you slip past her once again, going off into your living room to start on the dried laundry that needed to be folded, hoping that the girl would simply drop it and leave.
“You know I understood you the night after the show, and I was more than willing to give you all of the space you need, but this feels like you’re playing some sick joke on me” she’s standing over you now, watching as you try to ignore her in favor of some pillow cases that needed folding.
“Is pushing me into the arms of someone else your solution? And ignoring me until I’ve forgotten all about it? Is that the plan? Is that seriously what you think it’ll take to get rid of me?” She tries again, her voice pleading with you at this point as she watches you ignore her.
But this time you done, your hands drop to your lap as you stare up at her in disbelief before you toss the pillow case to the side, standing up opposite of her.
“I never had a plan! Lilac asked me a question and I was honest with her. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t be happy with someone else” you explain to her before you finally feel as though you’ve had enough, a huff of annoyance filling the silent air as you round the couch to slip away into the kitchen.
Before you’re fully there, Ellie’s voice is echoing off the walls.
“But I can’t be happy with someone else!” She shouts out, her arms flailing up inti the air before dropping down to her side, the sound of her palms slapping against her jeans before she sighs.
You stop dead in your tracks when you hear that one, your back still turned to her.
“How could I possibly be happy with anyone else when you’re all I fucking think about….” Her voice is tired, and it’s almost as if she’s begging you for something, something you are not capable of, something you cannot give.
Begging for you.
“From moment we had our first kiss….to the moment I said goodbye to you before you left for the city…I’ve only ever wanted you” you can hear her getting closer, slowly making her way towards you as you stand there at the edge of your kitchen, frozen, silent, unable to say anything to her as she confesses these things to you.
“It’s pathetic, and I’ve tried to suck it up for your sake because I know….you’re going through a tough time after that moron did what she did….but I can’t fucking hide anymore” she breaths out, and it sounds the same exact way that Lilac sounded when she admitted to you that she had feelings for Ellie those nights ago.
Your back is still turned to her, and you know she’s right behind you because her smell fills up your lungs and makes your eyes roll to the back of your head as you try to fight all of it back, everything that you’ve done, all that you’ve worked through from the moment you got home to get to the point that you were at currently.
But you feel all of it break the moment Ellie’s strong hand grips your shoulder gently, sighing softly as she speaks.
“Look at me….please angel…” she begs, her skin wafting onto your neck as she tries her best to fight the urge to grab you right then and there and kiss you.
When you finally turn around, her heart breaks, because the whites of your eyes are red, and there are heavy tears pooling at the edge of your eyes, making them sparkle in the warm light of your kitchen, looking so beautiful yet so tragic all in the same time.
Her chest tightens as she leans in to cup your cheek, fighting back the urge to groan as she inhales deeply. “I can’t…I don’t wanna pretend like I’m not still in love-“ you’re quick to cut her off, your tears spilling out onto her cheeks the moment you hear the word.
“Don’t…don’t say it” you warn her with shaky words, struggling to even speak with the burning sensation in your throat.
You don’t think you could handle it, hearing those words fall from someone’s lips again, the fear rising the moment they hang from Ellie’s, flashbacks of you’re wife at the alter, promising you everything and more before she kissed you and whispered in your ear that she loved you.
It’s scary, and it makes you feel terrified of Ellie.
Before she can carry on even further, trying her best to convince you that her words are true, silently begging you to hear her out as her wide green eyes stare down into yours, you’re cutting her off.
“I told you already Ellie…I’m not….i can’t do this again. I can’t give myself to someone like I did with her” your voice trembles as you explain, her vision blurring with tears as you try your best to swallow them all back.
She licks her lips as she stares down at you before she shakes her head. “I get it….I get that you’re hurting from what happened, but I can’t keep going on without you knowing anymore….” She starts to explain, both of her hands coming up to cup either side of your face, forcing you to look up at her.
“I’ve….god I’ve longed for you from the moment you left after high school. There was not a day that went by where I did not think of you for even a few seconds. And I’m sorry for what happened, and I understand if I’m just a childhood fling for you, but I’d rather you tell me that then try to push someone else onto me to distract me from what I’ve felt all these years” she rambles on, nearly stumbling over her words as they all bubble up to the surface, overflowing and dragging you down with her.
You open your mouth for a moment before closing it, looking far too similar to a fish out of water as you try to find the words to say. What are you even supposed to say? Are you supposed to lie to her? Tell her that you haven’t felt the same way? But now it’s different and it hurts to even try to envision yourself in a relationship with someone let alone pursue them? Even when it’s Ellie?
Your Ellie?
She watches as you struggle to speak, her eyes searching yours for even a sliver of hope that this will work, that her confession will bring you to a point where you can both meet, where things can be okay again.
And if they can’t? She needs to hear you say it out loud.
“Tell me you don’t feel the same” she deadpans, hands dropping from your face as any hope she might have had slowly drains out, fizzling out of her system as she watches you simply stare up at her, a mere shell of the girl she once knew.
“Tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll never bring this up again. We can move on from this and we can be friends. I promise” she breaths out, feeling the air slowly leaving her lungs, making it hard to breathe.
You feel the exact same way. You feel like the world has stopped around you both as images of your life swirls around your head.
There’s images of your ex wife, taking the privilege of love from you, ripping your heart out of your chest and walking away with it the moment she decided to cheat on you. It hurts, and it burns and it feels like something you’ll never recover from, something that leaves a wound so deep, that it will never grow the familiar leathery skin that it’s supposed to, creating a scar that acts as merely a memory for what happened, for what you endured.
And then there’s something sweeter in the corner, so small that if you pay enough attention to the hurt in your heart, you don’t even notice it.
It’s memories of Ellie. Sharing your first kiss with her, going to prom with her, spending late nights with her in your bedroom talking about the future, spending time with one another that will leave sweet memories in your mind till the day you die. It’s soft, and it’s easy and it makes your insides flutter with excitement at the mere thought of her by your side.
As you’re looking over all these parts of you, standing in your kitchen with Ellie and staring up into her eyes, you make a remarkable discovery.
You realize that if you try hard enough, the pain that comes from what your ex wife did doesn’t hurt as bad, long as you’re focusing on the feeling that Ellie gives you.
Because when you’re with Ellie, you feel nothing but love.
You lick your own lips as you stare up at her, inhaling deeply before you shake your head, feeling your throat burn with tears before you speak.
“I can’t do that….” Your words trail off for a moment before your eyes drift down to her strong hands, missing the feeling of her skin pressed against yours.
You slowly reach forward to take her tattooed hand into yours, your fingers dancing along the intricate details of the leaves on her wrist before you interlock your fingers, finally looking up at her as your eyes well up with tears for what felt like the hundredth time that day.
“Because I….feel the same way” you breath out, watching as her sage colored eyes glimmer with happiness, a gentle sigh of relief leaving her lips as she quickly moves her hand to cup your face, her other reaching down to hold onto your waist, pulling you close to her body.
“Jesus…c’mere” she practically moans out before she smashes her lips against yours in a passionate, love filled kiss.
You giggle softly, your hands wrapping around her wrist as you waste no time in kissing her back, arms coming up to loosely wrap around her neck as you press your chest against hers, reveling in the feeling of her lips pressed against your own.
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You hummed a gentle tune to yourself as you mixed up the pitcher of lemonade, far too deep in thought to pay the bustling party behind you any mind.
One of your favorite parts about the summer time was the cookouts. There was something about nearly the entire town coming together at someone’s house, enjoying the warm weather, the bright sun and good food, that made your heart burst with excitement.
You were just about ready to make your way to your backyard with the others, when you felt a firm hand sliding against your waist, smoothing down over the fabric of your flower sun dress and pulling you into their chest.
“Don’t you think we have enough drinks baby?” Ellie hums out softly, pressing her lips against the base of your neck, making you giggle softly as you lean into her.
“It’s almost 100 degrees outside, Ellie…I don’t think too many things to drink is even a possibility” you explain before you turn around in her arms, smiling softly at the firm as you wrap your arms around her neck, leaning in to press a kiss to the corner of her lips.
“Aren’t you supposed to be on the grill? You better not burn all that food I bought” you playfully pinch her shoulder, which only makes her groan softly.
“It’s too hotttt….wanna be inside with you” she whines out, resting her head against your shoulder as she gently sways with you in the kitchen.
You hum as you nod, your fingers toying with the short hair at the nape of her neck. “I know baby….but your father will be very upset if he doesn’t have at least one beer with you…come on pretty girl” you hum out to her softly, your hands sliding down to hold her around her middle before giving her a gentle pinch near her ribs, which makes her yelp out as she pulls away, a prominent pout on her sun burnt, freckled face.
“Fine…but come out with me” she huffs out, leaning in to give your forehead a kiss before she makes her way outside, making you giggle softly.
You sigh softly to yourself, placing the lemonade on a small tray paired with some already filled red solo cups, and a few empty ones on the side that you knew would be getting filled up shortly after you brought them out. You had to move slowly with how full they were, groaning softly to yourself as you tried your best to not let them fall as you tried making your way through the crowd of people in your home.
“Oh honey let me help you with that!” You hear Lilac chirp out as she quickly comes behind you, pressing her hands against your waist before taking the heavy pitcher off of the tray, making you sigh in relief once you saw the girl.
“There you are! I was starting to think you wouldn’t show…” you pout out, smiling softly as the girl leaned in to press a friendly kiss to your cheek, which you were quick to lean into as well.
She giggled softly as she groaned. “Did you know that this party of yours is causin’ traffic out there?? Everyone’s dying to come, I almost ran out with the rollers still in my hair” she explains, making you giggle softly as she opened up your back door for you.
After everything happened with you and Ellie, you were terrified of what would happen with Lilac. You felt like you’d robbed the girl of something she wanted without even trying, even after being the one to tell her to go for it! Even after Ellie assured you time and time again that Lilac was always one to get innocent crushes on everyone, and that she’d get over it in no time, you were still scared that you’d lose the girl as a friend after just making her one.
You were quickly proven wrong when you met her in town a few days after, texting her and letting her know you had something to tell her. Instead of her being upset about you and Ellie, Lilac was thrilled. She grabbed you and hugged you, and told you that she even wanted to celebrate with you and Ellie, explaining that her crush was as innocent as could be.
And before you could even realize, Lilac had become your best friend.
You giggle softly as the children practically jumped you once they saw the tall pitcher of ice cold lemonade, frantically grabbing the cups and chugging them down before running off to play in the sun.
Catching sight of Ellie with her father and a few of her coworkers makes your heart flutter, and you decide to fill up a few more cups of the cold drink as you make your way over to them, a soft smile on your face.
“Lemonade anyone?” You chirp out softly, all of them taking them gladly before Ellie slung her arm around your waist, pulling you into her side as she pressed a kiss to the side of your head, carrying on with her conversation.
You don’t miss the way Joel smiles fondly at the two of you over the edge of his cup.
And later that night, when everyone’s left and the house is cleaned up, you lay with Ellie in your bed, the cool breeze blowing in through your windows, your bedroom illuminated by the white light of the moon.
You’re tucked away into Ellie’s side, your thigh hooked over her body, one of her hands rubbing along your skin and massaging your leg, the other looped around your shoulder as you stare up at her lovingly, your hand dancing along her t shirt clad chest.
“Did you have fun today?” You question softly, which earns a gentle smile from the girl before she looks down at you, giving you a slight nod.
“The best time baby….haven’t seen so many people gathered around for a party in a long time…you did good angel” she breaths out before she leans down, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek, which makes you smile warmly.
But the warmth doesn’t just settle in your cheeks.
A simple kiss from your girlfriend makes it travel down your body. It warms your throat, your chest, your stomach, traveling all the way down until it settles right in between your legs, making you clear your throat to bite back a whimper.
Ellie frowns softly when she notices this, pulling away to look down at you as she continues massaging your thigh. “Something wrong princess?” She questions, slight concern lacing her tone as she watches you with furrowed brows, her expression clear in the light of the moon.
When you and Ellie first started being romantic again, she promised you she’d take things slow. Your relationship only went far as kissing, a few gropes here and there, but nothing further than a steamy make out session that ended once Ellie tapped your thighs and forced you off of her lap, fearing that she was pushing you too far.
At first it was extremely considerate of her. It was true, intimacy was a bit hard for you at first, somehow thinking of your failed relationship every time you tried, blaming your self for not pleasing your wife enough.
But as time went on, those thoughts were virtually silenced. You didn’t even have the capacity to think of anything but Ellie when her tongue was down your throat, the feeling of her big hands on your body, and her toned thighs pressed between your legs.
So now…God…you needed her more than anything.
You were almost embarrassed to even say it, but it was getting to a point that anything Ellie did was setting you into a frenzy. Just today, her toned arms in here wife pleaser and her denim jeans made your head spin, and your panties cling to your needy core.
Her frown deepened when you didn’t answer, the girl turning over a bit to better face you before her hand came up to cup your cheek. “Baby? What’s the matter?” She questions once again.
You finally let out a soft sigh, eyes fluttering shut as you reach up to grab her wrist gently, keeping her close as you avoid looking into her eyes.
“I….need you Ellie…need you so bad” you sigh out softly, voice barely above a whisper.
Her frown only deepens further as she stares at you down in confusion. “Need me? But angel I’m right-“ her words are cut off when she feels your grip on her wrist tighten, and your thigh hikes up her body further, pressing your core against her side.
Her eyes widen in realization.
“Fuck…” she breaths out, watches as your eyes flutter open to stare into her own, yours filled with want and need as your other hand moves down to hold onto her exposed hip gently.
“Are you sure baby? We can…fuck…we don’t have to…” she struggles to get out, eyes glued to yours as she watches you.
You shake your head before you gently pry her hand from your face, bringing her fingers down to press against your lips before you sigh. “I’ve thought about you every day since I’ve left Ellie…of course I’m sure…” you sigh out softly before you open your mouth, taking her pointer and middle finger into your mouth as you slowly suck them in, moaning around them.
Ellie lets out a soft moan as she watches you, feeling her own clit pulse against her underwear as she quickly grows warm with a need similar to yours.
“That’s my girl…fuck….been needy huh?” She moans out, making you nod before you roll over to straddle her, her other hand coming down to grip your hip softly, massaging your skin through the fabric of her own t shirt draped over your body.
You let go of her fingers with a pop before you stare down at her, a soft smile on your face as you move down to press your lips against hers, wasting no time in pushing your tongue into her mouth.
The kiss is slow, and sensual and dirty and it’s everything you’ve wanted and needed since your divorce. It’s nothing like kissing your ex wife, but it’s everything like kissing Ellie. The noises she makes has your head spinning, and it forces you to roll your hips down onto her, which makes her moan even louder into your mouth.
“Fuck…want you to…wanna feel your pussy on mine baby…can you do that for me?” She questions out desperately, her hands roaming your body, pushing her t shirt up on your to reveal your tits.
Ellie had it all planned out. She wanted it to be romantic, she wanted to take things slow and show you just how much she loved you, just how serious she was about you. She wanted you to feel loved.
Oh did her plans not go as planned, but oh how you felt so fucking loved.
You nod eagerly, sitting up and tugging the t shirt off, tossing it somewhere in your room. Ellie moans loudly at the sight of you above her, hands reaching up and cupping either one of your boobs, pinching and rolling your nipples between her fingers.
Once she’s had her fun, you climb off of her for a moment, tugging off her panties, giving her time to tug her sleep shorts off as well, leaving you naked and her bottom half bare. She’s feverishly tugging you back onto her lap, allowing you to tug her t shirt off.
And the feeling of your bare chest pressed against hers makes you moan loudly, your lips coming down again to press a needy kiss to hers, filled with tongue and teeth as you both situate yourselves.
The moment comes quickly, your legs slotted between hers perfectly, pussy right on top of hers as she stares up at you with low, hazy eyes, strong hands gripping your thighs and your ass as you slowly began rolling your hips so that your throbbing clit bumps against hers, making the girl beneath you moan loudly as her back arches and her eyes flutter shut.
“F-fuck! Oh my….fuuuuckkkk…that’s it baby…fuck yourself down onto my pussy…oh my….ha-fuck” she moans out, voice going hoarse as her strong fingers press firmly into your skin, sure to leave marks in the morning.
Your moans mix with hers, paired with the sound of your sopping wet pussies sliding against one another, a symphony of erotic love making that has been a long time coming. It’s like the two of you let out every raw emotion that had been bottled up for all those years you spent apart, her longing, your hurt, it all mixes together to create something of a beautiful love song that belongs to the two of you, and no one else.
“Ellieee…fuck! Feels…feels so good..” you moan out, picking up the pace as you feel your orgasm growing closer and closer by the second, your bed creaking with every thrust of your hips.
Ellie can’t take it anymore, moving to sit up as she grips both of your hips, aiding you in riding her pussy faster before she gives you an encouraging nod. “Come on baby…cum with me, yeah?” She sighs out breathlessly, staring up into your eyes passionately as she feels her own orgasm growing closer.
You wrap your arms around her shoulders, keeping her closer as you moan and whine, eyebrows furrowing with pleasure as you struggle to make it there, struggle to not let the pleasure get the best of you.
Your heart feels like it’ll just burst.
“I…mmm…fuck….Ellie I love you…I love you so much…” you moan out, eyes fluttering shut as you feel right on the brink of your orgasm.
“That’s my fucking girl…I love you so much baby…more than you’ll ever know…” she moans out to you.
And suddenly, you see colors.
Your chest feels like you’ve been struck by lightening, struggling to even stay upright as your orgasm ripples through your body violently, your forehead resting against Ellie’s as your arousal mixes with hers, both of your orgasms so intense, so powerful, it feels like it’ll kill you both right then and there.
The come down is hard, because it’s almost sorrowful to no longer feel the amazing feeling that comes with making love to Ellie, but the feeling of her strong arms wrapping around your middle and keeping you close is almost better, her lips pressing against your collar bones and chest as you both breath hard, the room silent compared to the noise that once filled it.
She holds you there the entire time, whispering how much she loves you, promising you that she’ll give you everything you could ever want and need.
And while you’ve heard all of that before, just for it to end in shit….
You believe her, because this time? It’ll be different.
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the-secret-keeper · 3 months ago
Text
Where MC Tells the Obey Me Brothers About How Horribly They Were Treated in Twisted Wonderland
This was requested by @sweetlicorice I hope you like it! It was taking longer than expected, so I only did the brothers, but I will do the dateables in a part 2, don't worry.
Part 2 with the Dateables out now! (Characters included: Diavolo, Barbatos, Simeon, Solomon, and Luke)
TW: Talk of being Overworked and Burnt Out, Abuse of Power, Very Angry Demons (but not at you), mental breakdowns, missing a pet (he's not dead, don't worry), and nightmares
Reader is referred to as MC by the characters (though I don't think they say it here) and MC is gender neutral, but this is mostly in second person, so for the majority of the story you'll be referred to as 'You' by the narrator.
Characters include: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Asmodeus, Satan, Beelzebub, and Belphegor
Could be read as romantic or platonic
This will be long, so the stories under the cut
This is organized by character, with a bit of context at the beginning. Enjoy!
First, it was a coffin. You were kidnapped by a horse-drawn hearse, woke up in a coffin, in another world. A world of magic, and wonder, but also one of pain, as you quickly learned. But you met people. You made friends, allies, and you were learning, even if you couldn't use magic.
And then, it was you landing rather harshly in a room that looked like an old-time, very fancy courtroom, surrounding by tall and intimidating looking young men. It was soon explained to you that you were in the Devildom, and were an exchange student, one that would be living with the Seven Deadly Sins for your own protection.
You didn't know what to feel. Gratitude for the much improved living conditions? Fear for living with a bunch of demons and going to school with demons that would likely have no qualms with snapping you in two if you stepped out of line? Sadness for the friends that you don't know how to get back to? Upset for being forced to leave the place you were finally starting to feel like you fit in at and having to leave Grim? It was a whirlwind inside, and for a time, that's where it stayed. Kept inside.
Slowly, the Devildom revealed to have similar problems as Twisted Wonderland, in the fact that it seems everyone in power here, aside from Diavolo and Barbatos, would like you to die.
Most of the brothers tried to kill you. One of them succeeded! Congrats to them you guess, though, no offense to Belphie, you don't think it was particularly hard for a demon to kill a human.
Through all of this, you got closer to those you were staying with, even forgiving Belphegor after everything. It only made sense that eventually, what happened to you, you started to open up to them about your past. About those that you met and bonded with, all that had been put onto you, and all that was different.
Lucifer:
You were in his office, as you did somewhat often. It was quieter in there than it was in most of the house, and no one would bother you if you were with him. Plus, sometimes he would let you take care of some of his paperwork, just the stuff that wasn't too sensitive or important, but it lightened his load a bit.
"Why do you insist upon helping me?" He asked, not looking up from his paper, as you looked at your own.
"I'm used to doing more work, and if it makes your job easier, then I don't mind." You shrugged.
"More work? Do you mean like a job?" He asked, somewhat curious. Your file had listed a lot, but you had, apparently, been missing for a while when you were brought to the Devildom, so he didn't know what you had been doing before coming there.
"Something like that." You vaguely answered, finishing a paper.
"I am always here if you need to talk." He glanced up at you, as you pulled out your homework instead.
"Thank you."
A comfortable silence fell over the you two. The ambiance of the fireplace, paired with the low volume on the record he was playing, along with the light scratching of his pen, was calming. His office was always dimly lit, enough to see easily, but also darker than the average room.
It was a quiet environment that reminded you of the days when you would sit in the office of Crewel, him taking pity on the amount of work shoved on you and attempting to help at least a little. Or the days when you would study with Ace and Deuce in the Heartslabyul Common Room, Riddle sitting nearby doing his own paperwork, and Grim resting lazily along your shoulders. It was comforting, yet sad, at the same time.
"Back, in the place where I was," you started softly after a few moments of silence, "there was more that was required of me."
"In what way?" He asked, and though you couldn't tell, off in your own world, he had stopped doing his paperwork to focus on what you were saying, fully enraptured in wanting to know your backstory.
"The headmaster, at my last school, his name was Dire Crowley. And he was terrible at his job." You laughed bitterly. "I showed up there one day, against my will, and practically started running the place once he thought I could handle it, or when he was certain I wouldn't complain." You glared at your paper, thinking back on all that was unfairly thrown at you.
"Like what?"
"Paperwork, was the majority." You answered without thinking. "But there were.... others."
"Others?" He prompted after a few moments of a now, much tenser, silence.
"Your demon form is scary." You looked at him, making eye contact. "But it is not as scary as facing seven Overblots within the span of a year."
"Overblots?"
"The manifestation of out of control magic and strong negative emotions that result in the transformation of the magic user, and the creation of a sort of monster. The magic user loses control of their entire being, and it's very taxing on the magic user." Your eyes were glazed over as you seemed to recite the information with no emotion in your voice. "I don't blame them, for Overblotting, and losing control, the world is cruel. I do blame Dire Crowley, however, for making me responsible for dealing with them."
"That sounds dangerous, for someone without magic."
"It was." You agreed, still looking towards him.
Not at him, but through him, as if you weren't registering how much you were saying. This made him all the more concerned, as he got up and walked over to you, sitting beside you.
"I was also responsible for whatever Dire Crowley wanted me to do. Feed the fireplaces over winter break, find out why our sports players are getting injured, stop that one student from taking over the student body, house these people for this inter-school competition, and on, and on." You listed, beginning to spiral. "I practically ran that school. Me! A magicless human who had no idea what they were doing or where they were or how to handle what was happening to me. He stuck me in a shack, filled with mildew, and mold, that was covered in dust, infested with ghosts, and falling apart at the seams with a fire-breathing cat. And he didn't even make me a student at first!" You looked at Lucifer, tears pricking your eyes. "I was a janitor! And when another student got myself, Grim, and another student in trouble, he was going to throw me out! Onto the streets with no understanding of the world, how it functions, or anything at all!"
Lucifer nodded, trying to get you to calm down silently, wanting to hear about your past, even though it was painful.
"And he'd threaten me, Lucifer! He'd threaten my housing, my food budget, and I had no means of income! I couldn't pay for myself in any regard, I was completely dependent on him! I was his little puppet. The puppet of the 'oh so gracious Dire Crowley'." You began to sob as emotions started to overcome you, them all spilling out as you finally let yourself feel safe enough to feel these emotions. "I was so scared! About what would happen to me, and my friends. I didn't know what the next day would bring."
He brought you into his chest, hugging you tightly, and allowing your tears to stain his red vest. He let you sob and weep as you finally allowed yourself to process the emotions you'd been keeping inside this whole time. He kept his breathing even, trying to get you to match it subconsciously, and he gently rocked you, trying to calm you down as best he could.
"I miss Grim!" You cried out, into his chest. "I miss him so much that it hurts. I feel so anxious without him around."
He didn't ask who Grim was, but he knew it was someone important. He'd ask you about it when you were calmer, for now, he'd just let you cry to your hearts content. It had been a long time since someone had come to him, and allowed him to see them crying, but he didn't mind it so much when it was you. He took pride in being someone you felt safe enough to cry around.
No more paperwork got done that night, but he didn't care. You were more important at that point in time, and Diavolo would understand, he assured you of this, when you tried to apologize for taking up his time and crying on him. He brought up that Diavolo would be more mad if he hadn't comforted you, which made you laugh. You were so tired from crying that not long after you calmed down, you drifted off in Lucifer's arms, on the couch in his office.
Mammon: 
You were hanging out in Mammon's room one night, trying to help him study. Mammon was a lot smarter than a lot of people gave him credit for, the main issue you were having was the effort in which he was putting in. Which was zero. He was much more interested in his video game than his homework, despite the fact that Lucifer had threatened to string him up from the ceiling should he not get a satisfactory grade.
It was almost nice, how familiar this felt. The arguing with him about studying gave you a nostalgic feeling, for when you would study with your First Year friend group, and you would try to pry Ace away from his video games. It was never effective, much like now, but the nostalgia made you keep trying to convince him.
Mammon himself didn't seem to notice the effect this was having on you, too focused on his video game. Not that you cared, better for him to remain oblivious that try to pry your secrets out of you.
You sighed, closing the textbooks that you had brought in, accepting the fate of his grade, and making a mental note to find a spot to at least try to hide him from Lucifer. You watched as he played the game for just a few more minutes before you crawled over, sitting beside him as he played, watching the screen.
"Why're ya so good at homework in the Devildom anyway?" He asked, in the blunt way he normally does.
"Diavolo adjusted my curriculum because I don't know much about the Devildom, so I get assignments that are easier." You admitted, leaning against him, your head resting on his shoulder. "I appreciate it, my last headmaster wasn't nearly so accommodating." You mumbled bitterly, thinking back on that incompetent headmaster.
"Really? How's that?" He asked, only half-paying attention, as he spam-clicked the button on the controller to his video game.
"Eh, don't think too much about it. Crowley was stupid, and though he claims he was gracious, he was really anything but. At least to me."
"What's 'at supposed to mean?" He asked before exclaiming nonsensical, frustrated sounds at his loss in the video game.
"I was basically his Barbatos, but I wasn't paid. Hell," You laughed mirthfully, "what money I was supposed to get was threatened, actually. More than once."
"Really?"
His attention was still diverted, and you noticed this. He was likely only wanting to hear your voice for background noise while he played, but you didn't mind so much. At least now you can say you told someone. Even if he wasn't listening.
"Yeah, Crowley threatened my food and housing budget more than once. And he'd push all his work onto me, even though I really shouldn't have had that much responsibility put on me. After all, I was someone without magic in a magic-teaching school, from another world. I didn't know anything." You shrugged lightly, trying not to move Mammon's arm too much, because your head was still resting on his shoulder. "I can't say I miss that part of it."
"What do ya miss then?" He asked, eyes still glued to the screen.
"My friends. I had a group of friends that were pretty tight-knit. Trauma bonded, more like it." You laughed. "And Grim. I miss Grim."
"Grim?"
"My cat."
"Ya sound like Satan."
"Grim was a special cat. He could use magic, and talk. You remind me of him sometimes." At that he finally paused the game to look at you.
"I, remind ya of... a cat?" He asked incredulously.
"Yeah." You smiled, laughing lightly. "He was sarcastic, and demanding, and greedy. He called me Henchman, you call me Human." He rolled his eyes. "But underneath your... bravado, is a very nice person, who cares a lot. Grim and I... we only had each other. So it just makes sense that we bonded. I miss him, a lot. He used to sleep in my bed, and he'd always be there with me. I've been having trouble sleeping without him. It just feels like there's something missing." You admitted in a soft and sad tone. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders.
"I'll be yer Grim 'til we can convince Diavolo or Barbatos, or maybe Solomon to get yer cat." He said quietly, rubbing your upper arm. "Ya can sleep in here whenever ya need, ok?" You nodded. "Wanna watch a movie?" You smiled at him, nodding once more, as he turned the TV to one of the bajillion streaming services the family all pay for, because they share, and arguing with you about the best movie to watch.
Leviathan:
Leviathan was out in public with you, having gone to an anime themed event at a cafe in the Devildom. He was so excited, that you just couldn't resist when he asked if you wanted to go with. It was nice to hear him rant and ramble about all the things that he was passionate about.
"There's a cat in the anime that waitress is from! And he's super cool!" Levi started. "He can talk, and use magic. He's also very stubborn, like a donkey. But he's a favorite in the fandom because of how cute he is."
"I know someone like that." You mumbled without thinking, your mind wandering to your feline friend.
"You do?!" He asked excitedly.
"Yeah." You smiled. "His name was Grim, and he used to live with me, back in the time before."
"Really? Tell me more!"
"He wasn't super smart, or very hard working. He used to call me Henchman, and demand cans of tuna. But when it came down to it, Grim was the one I could rely on the most. But, that might also be because we literally couldn't leave each other." You told him.
"You couldn't?"
"No. I don't have magic, and he did. I'm human, he was a cat. The headmaster of my last school decided to be 'oh so gracious'," you quoted, making air quotes around his catchphrase, "and make the two of us one singular student, allowing us to attend his magic school."
"That seems... dumb. To say the least."
"It was." You deadpanned, before the both of you laughed. "He was a bad headmaster. Towards the end of my stay there, I was practically headmaster, just because of how much work he pushed onto me because he could. But while I was at that school I made friends. And I had Grim. Even if the situation I was in was less than ideal." You smiled as the waitress delivered the food you ordered, with a bundle of silverware.
"Ah. I bet you'd prefer them to an otaku like me."
"Not true!" You defended, pointing your fork at Leviathan. "I like you plenty fine, Levi. You actually remind me a lot of my friend Idia. But," you laughed awkwardly, "at least you leave the house sometimes, and aren't afraid of confrontation. Or, at least, you're not afraid to confront some people. Like your brothers." You set your fork down, stopping your silent threat at Levi, that wasn't actually very threatening to him.
"He was an otaku too?"
"Yes indeed, and a master gamer to boot."
"Better than me?"
"It's hard to say." You shrugged. "The games you guys play are similar, but different. It's not a fair comparison." He seemed placated by this answer. "Your brothers remind me of a lot of my friends from there." You said vaguely.
"Do you miss them?"
"Yeah. They're my friends, of course I miss them. And it's not like I know if and when I'll be able to see them again." You explained gently. "I don't miss the work though. Diavolo was nice and assigned me a tutor and easier assignments until I get the hang of the normal work here. And no one makes me do any extra work, or threatens my food or housing. Well, Lucifer threatens punishments sometimes, but he would never threaten my food or housing, and I won't get punished as long as I do my best and behave." You rambled, smiling at how nice it was here, compared to it was in Twisted Wonderland. "Plus, I have all of you, and Diavolo, and Barbatos, and the other exchange students. I miss my friends from there, and I really wish that I had Grim here with me. But I am happy here." You beamed.
"Maybe if we ask Lucifer, he may know how to get your cat." Leviathan suggested, smiling lightly.
"I would love that. He acts like Mammon, but he feels like an emotional support cat. And, I bet Satan would seriously love having him here too."
"You know, we're all here. If you want to talk."
"I know." You glanced around. "What anime is that cosplay from?" You asked, gesturing at another waitress, changing the subject.
He glanced, and started beaming, immediately launching into a rant about the anime it's from, and the character themself. It was nice that he didn't question the change in subject. You'd tell Levi and the others all about what happened to you, and about what Twisted Wonderland was like. Eventually. Maybe.
Asmodeus:
Saying Asmo was flirty, was an understatement. Possibly the understatement of the century. And while he flirted and charmed nearly every being in existence, he did understand consent, and took every no at face value, stopping when asked. Of course, it's a rejection, so at the beginning you had to explain that no, you're not rejecting him as a person, you like him plenty fine as a person, you just don't always want to be flirted with.
He still did it, but when you asked him to stop he'd make a show of whining about it, but stopping nonetheless. It was annoying, but he did take your 'no' seriously, so in the end it was kind of worth it. Asmo was good for conversation, and he knew all the gossip, so he was nice to hang out with.
You had mentioned a handful of times that he reminded you of someone where you were from where you used to live. But all he ever said in response was that there was no one like him. Which is true, as no one else could truly embody Lust like Asmodeus does.
He was doing a skincare night with you, when you brought it up again.
"You know a lot about skincare already, it's quite impressive." He complimented.
"Yeah, had a friend who took it very seriously." You agreed.
"Is this the same friend that I remind you of?"
"Tis." You smiled, gently rubbing the moisturizer onto his face. "He was an interesting man."
"Interesting man? Interesting how?"
"He was insanely hard working, yet it seemed no one saw that." You started, taking a deep breath. "He was an actor, and social media influencer. And he was talented. Extremely talented. He worked hard to get where he was, but he had the means to get there."
"Anything else I should know about this person?"
"Well, he was good at potions. And like, just as good if not better than Satan and Solomon, good. He had the harshest study routine, but it was worth it. Never failed a potions class if he was tutoring me. He didn't have much time to do so, but I was always grateful when he did." You thought back on the memories fondly, smiling, as you stopped rubbing the moisturizer into his skin, and moving onto the next step. "His methods were.... intense, to say the least." Your smile became strained, remembering the VDC. "But, they got the results he wanted, so I guess he didn't see much issue with it."
"Intense in what way?" Asmo asked, noting your tenseness.
"I was appointed manager for a dance team, an interschool competition thing, you know how competitive people can get." You shook your head lightly. "They all came to live in my dorm because it was mostly empty. But, despite me being manager, he decided I needed to follow the same diet as everyone else. My friends said it was a 'we're all in this together' thing, but I thought he was just being unreasonable. I mean, come on, hexing my food? That's just wasteful. And he didn't even pay me back. I didn't get much money for food in general, because I was the magicless student, and there he went, just wasting what I had." You laughed mirthfully, remembering your anger at the situation, and your frustration.
"Well, in his defense, if he was just looking out for you."
"I would have no problems if that were the case, Azzy." You slightly chastised, but it was playful, and held no real bite. "I took your diet in stride, didn't I?" He nodded in acknowledgement. "I would've been fine with it, if that were the case. But he never paid me back for the food that he hexed, or replaced it. I didn't have much, so no one being able to eat those foods, it was wasteful. I mean, it's not like I got much money, if any, from the school for dorm food, like every other dorm."
"Why wouldn't you?"
"I was the magicless student. The errand person. The pushover. The unpaid therapist or headmaster. Depends on the day." You sighed. "The headmaster didn't want to have to rewrite the budget to factor in an extra dorm, when it only had two students in it, that really only amounted to one student."
"Wait, I thought you've mentioned before that you had a roommate."
"I lived with a fire-breathing, talking cat named Grim, who could use magic, and several ghosts. I say technically one student, because the ghosts were faculty members, technically, but Grim had magic, and I didn't, but I was human and Grim was a cat. So, when I popped out of the woodwork, with no magic, no identification, no way to go home, and no clue about how this world worked, the headmaster was 'oh so gracious'," you mocked, "and put us both in a run down dorm, enrolled as a single student."
"Run down?"
"I mean Run Down. It was called Ramshackle, by other students, and it certainly lived up to it's name. The heater didn't work, I had to curl up with Grimm under every blanket I could find in that house. It was caked in mold and mildew, and dust, until Crowley cleaned it for the VDC. I injured myself more than once." You pointed to a scar on your forearm, where you'd hurt yourself in an attempt to fix up your dorm. "I am, honestly, very grateful, for the opportunity to stay here, in much better conditions. I do miss my friends, and I miss Grim." You admitted.
"Is that why you named that stuffed animal Grim? I thought you were just taking after Mammon in your greed."
"I miss Grim." You stated simply. "He was always with me. We were inseparable. We fought, we bickered, but at the end of the day, I knew if there was one thing, one being, I could rely on consistently, it was Grim. He was my ride-or-die. I named my stuffed animal after him, because I have a hard time sleeping without him. Even just, relaxing, can be hard. I miss him, and I don't know if he's ok. I genuinely, worry about him. And I miss him so much, that it's hard to fully put into words."
"I'm sorry." He offered, and you just smiled at him.
There was not much more Asmodeus could say. He couldn't provide you the comfort that you craved, as he was not your cat, nor could he get you your cat. So, he extended his sympathies, and access to his bed whenever you would like. For cuddles, or for more, he was always down for whatever.
He only hoped that his efforts to be there, and open for you, helped to heal you a little bit in the long run.
Satan:
Satan was nice to be around. He was curious, and he liked to know things and ask questions, so he did tend to pry into your past. But he was always good for book recommendations, and was always happy to discuss any book you wanted.
You found comfort in his fondness for cats, finding a kindred spirit in that regard. You didn't tell him about Grim, not wanting to get his hopes up about maybe meeting your beloved companion. He did notice your love of cats though, and had gotten you a giant cat plushie, as a gift.
You had named it Grim, and it lived on your bed. It was much quieter, and honestly, a bit boring compared to the real thing, but it was good for cuddling in the night when you couldn't sleep because you missed your furry friend. You were grateful that Satan had brought you just a bit of comfort in those moments, even if he didn't know it.
"I had a cat." You started one day when he started reading off cat facts enthusiastically after you had expressed the slightest bit of interest. "He was a rather interesting thing."
"Really? What was he like?" Satan liked to hear you talk about your past in general, but he was especially excited to hear about your cat.
"His name was Grim. And he was big, like 2 feet tall. He had a very distinct look about him. Grey fur, with a white chest," Satan nodded, listening intently, "bright, big, blue eyes. So round they almost looked scary sometimes. His ears, they had blue fire coming out of them, and his tail was shaped like a pitchfork. And he could use magic! He could breathe fire effortlessly, and use magic. He could talk too. Used to talk my ear off." You smiled fondly, happy to be able to talk about your favorite creature. "He'd call me Henchman, or Hench Human. He was a trouble maker. Mammon reminds me of him that way."
"Oh." Satan almost groaned.
"But much like Mammon, at the end of the day, push comes to shove, you can rely on him. That was one of the few things I knew for certain back then. Grim was the only one I could fully rely on. I had other friends, but Grim and I, we were inseparable. He was my best friend. He used to sleep in my bed with me, every night. I'm so used to it, it's honestly.... kind of hard to sleep without him." You admitted, laughing tiredly. "I miss Grim."
"Were you allowed pets, or familiars, at your last school?"
"No. No, I don't think we were." You answered after a moment of thought. "But Grim was a special case. He and I crashed the entrance ceremony. I wasn't supposed to be there, and got yoinked out of another world, but he was just straight up trespassing because he wanted so badly to go to that school, and become a great mage." You laughed at the memory. "He committed arson, I helped calm him down, and the rest is history. We weren't students, originally. We were janitors. The Headmaster only let us stay because I didn't have anywhere else to go, and I proved that Grim could be helpful."
"I thought you said you were a student?"
"I was. Half. I was half of a student." You smiled, taking a tired, yet fond, sigh. "I didn't have magic. But Grim did. So, Crowley determined that we would each be half of a student. He got us both into so much trouble, but he always helped me get out of it. I could always rely on Grim. Except in schoolwork," you admitted, laughing a little, "I was alone in that portion."
A million questions ran through his head, and you could tell the gears were turning. It was almost amusing, seeing him trying to decide on what topic to pick. Should he keep going about your cat? Pry about your headmaster? Ask about your clearly troubled past at this school?
He was quiet, but it wasn't tense, or awkward, just comfortable silence, as you patiently awaited his next question. You knew Satan would choose his words carefully, so as to not make you uncomfortable, so you had no fears. You really didn't want him to ask about Grim's homework habits though. Satan prioritized intelligence, and knowledge. You wanted him to have a good impression of Grim, since you thought the two would get along, despite Grim being similar to his older brother, Mammon.
It took him a few moments, you, peacefully sipping your favorite hot drink, as you waited patiently, reading your book, before he finally picked a topic.
"Was your headmaster, truly that bad?" He asked softly.
"His favorite trick to get me to do what he wanted, when I didn't want to, was to threaten me. My food budget, my housing budget, or even my security at the school. I had others I could rely on, should this happen. The other Housewardens tended to take pity on me when I would show up, practically begging for food, because Crowley wouldn't allow me to have any. They were good people. But I always made sure Grim had stuff to eat. I never let him suffer. He actually learned to share through this. But, a diet of tuna sandwiches, just isn't that good for your health. It was better than nothing though." You shrugged, not looking up from your book. You looked up, to see him looking at you, sadness painting his eyes. "I'm doing better now, Satan." You smiled.
"I don't want to pry, but I do have more questions." You took a deep breath.
"Can I answer them later?" You asked, to which he nodded.
"Take your time."
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Of course."
"Can you look through your books, to see if there's a spell, or an incantation, or a potion, or a ritual, that will help me get Grim? I'm worried about him, and, as you can see," you gestured to your eyebags, which Asmo had tried to hide using makeup, but it was late, so they were started to peek through, "being without him takes a toll. He's like my emotional support cat, you know? My sassy, lazy, loud, annoying, emotional support cat, that I love. And I miss."
"I'll see what I can do." He nodded. "No promises, but I'll look into it."
"That's all I ask." You smiled tiredly.
Beelzebub:
Beelzebub had eaten the majority of the fridge again, and it was your turn to make dinner. You sighed, as he looked at you guiltily. It was getting too close to when you absolutely needed to start cooking so you could serve dinner on time, so you couldn't go shopping for more. You just shook your head, and got to work taking everything out of the fridge and pantry, just to see what was left.
"I'm sorry." Beel offered. "I'll help you cook."
"I've done more with less." You said, not registering his offer, and looking over the ingredients that were left, as you had caught him before he could eat everything. "I just need some time."
"I didn't leave you much. I could go to the store, and get some more." He offered.
"Beel," You looked at him, smiling in amusement. "How much of what you get me would you eat on the way home?" He looked down guiltily once more. "I'm not mad," you assured, "really, I'm not. And I appreciate your offer of help. But I've got this." You smiled once more, before turning back to the ingredients, and picking up a few.
With what little you had, you'd started to make a large delicious meal. Beelzebub watched, in what could only be described as awe, as you stretched what you had into enough to feed the brothers, and something that tasted good. He still felt guilty about eating the majority of what you could've used to make dinner, but he was grateful you weren't mad, and he was curious as to how you knew how to make so little go so far.
After you served the brothers, you kept a little for yourself, and Beelzebub noticed. He noticed that you didn't take much, and when he tried to comment on it, you just winked at him, smiling. After dinner, he was designated for clean up, and you went into the kitchen to keep him company, as he had while you were cooking.
"How did you do that? There wasn't much left, but that was a good meal."
"My last school.... I didn't have much." You started vaguely. "My food budget was small, and often taken away, so I would take what little I was able to beg or barter for from the shop keeper, or the other Housewardens, or my friends, and I'd make it stretch. It helped that they often had some leftovers, especially Scarabia, with their feasts every week. And Jamil was a fabulous cook." You complimented, your mouth watering at the thought of his delicious and carefully prepared food. "But I digress. What I'd do is, I'd prepare meals in advance, as many as I could. I had to. Starvation sounded rather unpleasant, to me."
"It was that bad?"
"Not if I planned correctly." You smiled.
Beelzebub related to the feeling of hunger, and starvation. He was often brushed aside as always hungry because he's the Avatar of Gluttony. But the pain was always there, and it was hard to describe the pain aside from, hungry. You were always patient with him, even if he got grumpy because of his hunger, and now he was starting to see why.
If you understood the feeling of being hungry all the time, and starving to a painful point, it makes sense that you'd not get mad at him. It makes sense to him, that you'd be patient with him. He had always appreciated your patience and kindness, but he had never questioned it. Now he was starting to think he should've.
"Was it just you?"
"No. I had a cat with me. His name was Grim, and he was a lot like Mammon." You described cheerfully. "He mostly ate cans of tuna, which I could get for cheap at the school shop, they weren't super popular, and students tended to leave them at the shop after realizing they were the cheapest option of food I had." You laughed awkwardly. "It was a school of ruffians, and bullies, and people who hated me. But they had the decency to not want me to starve to death."
"You were hated?"
"By some. I wasn't popular, but I had my fair share of friends, don't worry." You assured. "I had the first years friend group, and the Housewardens, and the vice-housewardens and honorary vicehousewardens. Even a lot of the teachers liked me. And even if they didn't, I still had Grim. He was my best friend."
"Was?"
"He's still there, so he still is. We're just not together right now. It's like... it's like a part of me is missing, because he's my best friend." You tried. "And he's still there, but I can't see him, and I can't talk to him. I miss him, a lot. I think you'd like him." You smiled. "He used to sleep on my bed, every night. And he'd complain, and whine, and get both of us into trouble, but he was loyal to a fault, and he was always there when I needed him."
"Was your old headmaster that bad?"
"Oh yeah." You nodded enthusiastically. "He went on vacation so often, and it was more like I was the headmaster towards the end of my time there. What with the amount of paperwork and such I was handling in his stead. On top of schoolwork! And he put me in an old decrepit house, with a fire breathing cat. Granted, I asked for the cat to remain with me, but still. I'm sure he could've found somewhere else to put me."
"That sounds awful."
"It could be. But hey, think of it this way, now I'm prepared if you do this again." You teased. He nodded. "Don't feel too bad, Beel. You didn't even know I existed, you couldn't have done anything."
"I wish you would've told us."
"It's not easy to talk about." You admitted. "It's not like... I had the best experience with a lot of people there. I mean, Overblots, burnout, hunger, on top of basically being an unpaid therapist, an unpaid headmaster, and a full-time student? I was busy, and not every experience is a pleasant one. But it's a part of my life, and I wouldn't change it for anything. Because it was my experience." You explained. He nodded in understanding. "I think you'd like the people I met before. So many good cooks. And Lilia, who is on par with Solomon." You shuddered. "But there was also so many athletics clubs. I bet you'd really like Spelldrive." You smiled.
"Spelldrive?"
"Yeah!"
As you launched into an in-depth explanation of the sport, at least as you understood it, he simply watched. He was glad you'd opened up to him, and to hear that you weren't always alone. He would probably ask Satan if he could find anything about getting your cat for you. But for now, he was just happy to see you being comfortable enough to talk about your past.
Belphegor:
Belphegor liked to visit your dreams whenever you'd let him. They were always so interesting. They almost matched you, in that regard. As you were so strange in his eyes. He was very lucky, able to explore your good dreams. Dreams that told of friends, and adventure. Light hardship, sure, but mostly wonder. And happiness. Along with a cat that seemed to pop up in every dream. He didn't know that he only saw this because he didn't always tune into your dreams. Not every dream is a happy one.
It was one day, when you happened to be taking a nap in his general vicinity, that he drifted off, and entered your dream. He prepared himself for the bright light of the outside of Night Raven College, and for the happy smiling faces, or the sound of laughter, as he usually saw when he joined your in your dreams. What he wasn't expecting, was the fire. The screaming, the fear. He was prepared to watch on happily as you got to see your friends, the people you consider family, in your dreams, but instead, he only saw your terror.
He couldn't look away as you looked on in terror as eight towering figures, covering in black ink, with massive ink monsters behind them cornered you. He recognized some of these faces, they were those of your friends. They were friends, friends who would drive you to work harder, and do better, but would always be there to help in any way they could, if they could, when you asked.
But there was one face he was shocked to see, moreso than the friends. It was your cat. Your cat that had been changed into a hulking, massive beast, and it looked more wild than he had ever seen. It wasn't talking anymore, none of those smart ass comments he'd overhear, it was growling at you, roaring at you. It had never done that before.
Belphegor, unable to stand by as you feared for your life, even in a dream, quickly made his way to in front of you, his back to you.
"You need to wake up."
You heard him, but his voice was muddled in your panic, it sounded like he was under water. You looked at him in confusion.
"What?"
"Wake! UP!" He commanded.
You shot up, gasping for air, as you woke up. Belphegor followed not long after, making his way over, and sitting beside you, as you began to calm down from such a panic-inducing dream. He sat beside you until your breathing was under control, and you weren't shaking as much anymore.
You leaned onto him, your head resting on his shoulder, and feeling embarrassed. It wasn't often that you had these nightmares, but they were always intense and unpleasant when you did. You didn't think he knew, he'd never visited those dreams. It's not as though you were actively hiding it, you'd told him that you'd had nightmares before, but you were ashamed that he had seen them firsthand.
You both just sat in silence for several moments, before he spoke first.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, softly.
"They don't know about the nightmares. I mean, my closer friends do, but those who the nightmares are about, don't. They don't need that."
"Why are they in your nightmares? And why did they look like that?"
"They lost control of their emotions, and their magic overwhelmed them. They weren't in control, when they looked like that. That was their anger, and sadness, their pain, that was in control of them, with their magic creating the ink monsters behind them." You explained, quietly. "I don't blame them, no one can be expected to hold it together for so long, but that doesn't make it any less unpleasant."
"And your cat?"
"I don't know why I have nightmares about him like that." You admitted. "I think it's because I miss him, and I'm scared of what will happen to him without me there."
"How long have you had these nightmares?"
"They started after the first Overblot, that's what they're called," you explained simply, "but they only got worse as more Overblots happened."
"Was there no one you could go to?" You shook your head.
"I couldn't go to Crowley, he was useless," you laughed humorlessly, "the teachers were nice, but they couldn't do anything. I told my friends, and they tried their best, but nothing ever really helped. Grim used to sleep on my bed with me, and that would chase the nightmares away pretty well, but," you trailed off.
"You don't have him with you now, so the nightmares are back with a vengeance?" You nodded, smiling a little at his wording. He wrapped an arm around you. "Do you miss him?"
"I do."
He knew you did, he knew that was a redundant question. But he wanted to hear it from you, as a sort of confirmation. He felt bad that you missed your cat, and he wished he could do something about it, but he knew he couldn't. So you two just sat in silence, comforted by the warmth of the room, and the calm atmosphere around the two of you.
He had always wondered why, or even how, you'd taken his actions in stride. How you'd forgiven him so easily. He knew now, that it was just in your nature after having gone through so much at your last school. He decided in that moment that he'd make an effort to be the person to hold a grudge on your behalf, to let people know that you may have forgiven them, but he certainly hasn't, and he hasn't forgotten what they've done to you. He didn't voice this, but he knew that you knew how he felt.
But for now, you two just sat there, comfortable, and warm. He wanted to apologize, and say he'd do everything in his power to get you your cat, but he didn't want to say that without a guarantee that he could do it. So there you sat, close, and comfortable.
"I'll chase your nightmares away." He offered, just barely a whisper, yet because of your proximity, you heard it.
"Thanks Belphie." You smiled tiredly, happy to hear that he would protect your dreams.
You drifted off not long after, Belphie following close behind. But he kept his word, and your nightmares didn't plague you after that, whenever Belphie could help it.
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satoruxx · 4 months ago
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THE SPACE BETWEEN COMFORT AND CHAOS.
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✧ PAIRING: wolf!toji fushiguro x f!reader | 4.5k words
✧ SUMMARY: wolfhybrid!toji, hybrid au, grumpy x sunshine, animalistic behavior, societal inequality, dysfunctional families, were getting into the pining everyone, fluff, toji letting his guard down, blood as a metaphor for love ??
✧ RHEYA'S NOTE: sorry for taking a month to get this part out guys!! unfortunately the semester's started and i'm also spending every free minute i have studying for the mcat rip :(( but know that wolf toji never leaves my mind hehe :33 as usual i would recommend reading the previous parts before this one !!
prev. | series masterlist.
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you are slowly getting used to coming home and not seeing toji there.
not that he is overly loud or anything. but after seeing someone lounging on your couch or staring at the tv or awkwardly peeking through your fridge every single day, the lack of that presence seems much more impactful.
it leaves a strangely empty feeling in your gut, but you shake it off because you know he will be back soon.
besides, he had been the one to insist on getting a job.
("you really don't have to—"
"i wanna." he scratches the back of his neck, an awkward grimace on his face as he speaks. "i uh… take up a lotta your space. so just let me, alright?")
far be it from you to deny a literal predator. so yes, the two of you had fallen into a sort of rhythm. while you were at school or your job, toji would go out and work—you're not really sure what it is he does, and you're a little too awkward to ask. he had hinted at picking up small odd jobs here and there, like helping move construction materials or furniture, which was easy thanks to his brute strength.
it also was easier for him to lay low with jobs that didn't involve high profile people.
you never tried to find out more, because oddly enough, you trusted the hulking wolf of a man.
and it was…oddly endearing how'd he'd come back with his paycheck and drop it in your palm, voice a low grunt as he mutters a quick, "here y'go."
in fact, over the few months that toji has been with you, you've started easily picking up many oddly endearing things about him.
like how he sits upright and scowls when the doorbell rings, ears pointed and hackles rising. how he does not eat if you're not eating—even if you give him a plate he will sit in front of it and stare you down, urging you to drop what you're doing to come and sit with him. how he prefers taking a seat near your legs when you're watching tv, back pressing against the bottom of the couch.
(you try mentioning any of these to him and he gives you the most affronted scowl.)
but yes it's all very endearing. even now when you're sitting on your couch and thinking about it, there is a silly smile on your face—when you notice it, you have to slap yourself quickly.
the cool chill of your wet hair leaves a trail of goosebumps over your arms, even though your body is warm from your shower. maybe it's strange to be overanalyzing the all cute little things the wolf hybrid you let in your home does on a daily basis. and perhaps you should be wondering why your brain seems to find him whenever it doesn't have anything else to think about, but you're a little scared of what that might reveal about you.
your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door unlocking, and you look up subconsciously.
your eyes catch toji's figure leaving the bathroom, and for a split second your throat goes dry. he emerges from a cloud of steam, drops of water cascading over the planes of his chest and torso. a towel hangs lows on his hipbones, hair heavy with wetness as he frustratingly shakes the strands away from his eyes. you are unable to look away from the muscles of his back, damp skin reflecting the light in the hallway.
it's just a few seconds—just as he makes his way from the bathroom into his own bedroom, but it's enough to have you sitting there with your lips parted.
you spend the next couple seconds shaking your head as you try to push down the heat crawling up your neck.
the wolf joins you a few minutes later, a loud yawn tearing through his throat. his hair is messy, damp from the shower and sticking up in odd directions.
(you cannot look away from him.)
"hey," he nods at you, claws absentmindedly scratching under his shirt.
(a glimpse of chiseled abs and scarred muscle.)
"hey," you answer back, still feeling warm. you clear your throat, brushing it aside. "ready to eat?"
a wordless nod. you stand up and head to the kitchen, exhaling deeply. you're not sure what that was, but you'll be sure to brush it under the rug.
in a few minutes the two of you are sitting across each other, as usual. toji ravenously digs into his food, tongue running over his lips subconsciously.
you watch, strangely satisfied. his jade green eyes briefly flick up to meet yours. when they find their mark, they turn away, but his shoulders seem to relax.
you shove your fork in your mouth, a little breathless. "h-how was your day?"
he swallows, heavy gaze finding yours again. "not bad. work was work."
you grin. "wow what a riveting revelation. how much do i need to donate for an elaboration, mister wolf?"
toji makes a show of rolling his eyes, chewing slowly. "you're so dramatic."
"i'm entertaining," you clarify, a smug smile tugging at your lips.
"whatever helps you sleep at night, kid." he huffs out what sounds like a dry chuckle, but you take it like it's a medal. he indulges your question though. "i helped on a construction site. it wasn't that hard."
another satisfied bite. "humans are always so creative when they try to get out of doing work."
your brow quirks. "what do you mean?"
he waves his paw haphazardly, looking exasperated. "y'know? with all their machines and shit."
you snort quietly. "yeah some of us can't lift ten thousand pounds like you."
he throws you an unamused glance, but continues eating. there's a pause, but then he asks. "how about you?"
you smother a grin behind your fork—how considerate of him. "it was fine. pretty boring day."
suddenly you perk up, a thought hitting you, and toji unconsciously leans closer.
"oh wait! i had to train someone today. it was so awkward!" you wave your fork around as you articulate your words. "he was really quiet and barely asked questions so i felt like i was yapping for hours to fill the silence. but he seemed nice enough so it's fine i guess."
(so that's the new trace of a scent that toji picked up on as soon as you walked in. it clung to you, overly sweet and sticky—molasses. worming its way around your body, almost parasitic. and you had no idea.
but he did. he knows the undertones in that foreign scent, can pick up the giddy nerves and faint arousal and sheer excitement. it disgusts him, irritates him beyond belief.
if it were up to him he'd dig his claws into that gross scent.
maybe if he were to tighten his grip, sink his teeth into your flesh—a sadistic little brand of his own—he could scrape that parasite off of you. replace it with a parasite of his own.)
"you do talk a lot," he replies. the offended look on your face is exactly the reaction he was waiting for, and he pushes down a smirk.
"well i have to make up for it since you're so boring!"
the two of you bicker over dinner, and toji does not know why it pleases him so much. the dips in your brows, the slant of your lips, the strained laughter behind your arguments—every microexpression threatens to worm its way into the inner crevices of his brain and settle there.
(parasitic beyond belief.)
these expressions stay in his mind even as he finds himself in his bed a few hours later. his jade eyes feel strained as they bore holes in the ceiling, the shadows creating monsters against the walls. he tries thinking of something else, but you remain, stubborn in a way that he does not know how to fight.
he briefly wonders whether this is normal—if other people also think of you after they spend time with you.
(but then he realizes that would mean that others are privy to seeing you the way he does, and suddenly the taste in his mouth is bitter.)
toji is grateful though. for the past few months, there would be nights where his dreams weren't so pleasant. where he would find himself back in a cold cell, with the sound of boots and growls and cheers echoing in his ears. or he'd be back in that family home, kept to the side, away from the rest because of his cursed blood and so called poisonous mother. where he would stand in front of a mirror and curse the features that made him so misfortunate.
so yeah, if it were up to him, he'd much rather see your pretty face behind his eyelids.
but even then it seems as though sleep will be eluding him tonight. his body feels restless, thrumming with energy and mild irritation. his skin feels numb and prickly, somehow simultaneously hot and cold.
toji rubs a weary paw across his face, grumbling. he doubts he's getting anymore sleep tonight—it's not like he isn't used to it. he throws the covers off, before standing up and stretching until he's heard a few satisfying pops. maybe he'll go watch something on your tv at the lowest possible volume, or he'll sit by the living room window until he dozes off on his own. whatever—he's just so damn tired.
his door creaks as he pushes it open, and he internally prays that you remain asleep. but from what he knows, while you are a relatively light sleeper, these sounds don't usually bother you. he pauses just as he walks past your room, sneaking a glance at the shut door.
he thinks he can picture you clearly behind the door, wrapped up in your sheets and pressed against your pillows without a care in the world. he wonders whether you're dreaming tonight, and if you are he wants to know what you see.
(wondering whether you see his face in the same way he sees yours.)
he does not know what compels him, but toji finds himself taking a seat on the ground, back pressing against your door. he can faintly hear the sound of your heartbeat, slow and even as you sleep. your breaths are low, steady—like the sound of waves gently rushing over warm sand.
it's rhythmic, tantalizing, so so soothing.
he can feel his eyes growing heavy, can feel the tension leaving his shoulders. he thinks he can feel the warmth of your body through the door.
toji is lucky that his ears are sensitive. because in the morning, when you quietly get out of bed, he will awake to the sound, and then he will hurry back into his room like nothing happened. he will make this a habit, seeking you out in the middle of the night when sleep is his worst enemy. and he will sit there, using the thumping of your heartbeats his own personal metronome—a lullaby.
but it will be his little secret.
he has always been so stubborn.
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the bite of the stinging wind makes toji's hair stand on end, but he does not hate it. he'd much rather welcome the overcast skies than bake under a glaring sun. the sound of hammering and drilling and machines makes toji's ears twitch even under the stupid hardhat his boss insisted he wear.
whatever. just a few more hours and then he can go home.
he briefly thinks of you. wonders whether you'll be home before he is or whether he'll be the one waiting for you tonight.
he hears footsteps approaching, but barely flinches as his boss claps him on the shoulder. the stocky, genial old man is way too cheerful for a job so dull, but toji has gotten used to it by now. besides the guy practically adores the big strong hybrid who moves materials for him like it's the easiest thing in the world. and he never stops talking about it.
"what would we do without you, toji?"
toji snorts indifferently. "crash and burn?"
a bark of laughter cuts through the air and the wolf raises a brow.
"you're right about that." the old man grins, looking up at the hulking wolf with a mix of awe and gratitude. "some of these kids are too lazy."
he turns to bark a couple of orders to some of the younger workers, and toji bites back a wry grin, shaking his head. "what d'ya need me to do after moving these?"
his boss looks at the steel beams toji is currently stacking, before glancing down at his clipboard. "honestly, just need the bricks moved and you should be good to leave."
toji unconsciously perks up at that. suddenly he feels a lot more energized—starts working a little quicker.
his boss is quiet for a second, before he asks a question. "you got someone back home?"
toji throws him a disinterested glance, before resuming his work. "why?"
"well my daughter's got a friend. hybrid too, you know?" toji is barely listening, instead securing the ties around a couple of steel beams by his feet. his boss continues genially. "deer. she's real sweet."
"you know wolves eat deer, right?" toji's expression is so blank it makes his boss flinch. an awkward chuckle escapes the old man's lips, and he raises his hands in defeat.
"okay, i get it. you're not interested."
toji shakes his head mutely, turning his focus back to his work.
"but don't you wanna settle down? you're at that age right?" his boss ponders, glancing down at the clipboard in his hands. "don't most hybrids find a mate by this age?"
the word sets a shot of heat through his gut. he does not like addressing those things, base instincts that make him different from everyone else, which is why he has so adamantly pushed aside that part of his nature. because he hates the idea of tying someone to him, trapped with him forever. because he knows that once he has his teeth in them he will not let them go. because he has always been nothing more than a selfish animal.
he hates the idea with a burning passion.
(his blood is hot, fire in his veins. he wonders if you would let him do that to you, sink his fangs into your throat and let him eat you up. feel your flesh and blood under his ever so grateful claws—worshipping, all consuming.
somehow the idea becomes less revolting.
he wonders what you think about the whole thing. tying yourself to someone forever. would you be open to an animal? he hopes you wouldn't be. he knows there are similar traditions for your kind. something involving a ring on a finger and a big celebration to follow. but even that seems mediocre to him. does not hold the same meaning as making you his and devoting himself to you.
humans are so blasé.)
"like i said, not interested." toji's air of indifference makes the man's shoulders slump, but he brushes it off with a good natured chuckle.
"well okay. let me know if you change your mind. my daughter has a lot of friends."
a noncommittal grunt escapes the wolf and he speaks up before he can stop himself. "forget it. i got someone already."
his boss gasps, strangely giddy. "well you ass! why didn't you lead with that?"
(because he didn't mean to say it.)
toji shrugs carelessly, turning away. he doesn't want to talk about it—mostly because it's a lie. but also because he knows that if he thinks too deeply about it, he'll start wondering why it was so easy to offer you up like that. and why it disappoints him that it is really nothing more than a lie.
"it's not a big deal."
"i'm sure other people would disagree," the older man laughs. "what's she like?"
(another burst of fire—quiet, clinging, possessive. he would stand in front of you and take the intrusive stares into his own shoulder blades before he let them even look at you.)
"she's fine." the short answer is all toji wants to share.
"just fine?"
(perfect, he wants to say. but nobody needs to know that but him.)
"anyone ever told you you're nosy?"
his boss blinks, before letting out another boisterous burst of laughter. a clap to the back follows, and toji sighs in exasperation.
"fine fine. i'll stop. you're such a secretive asshole."
toji finishes securing the ties before easily hefting the steel beams onto his shoulder. he ignores the starry eyed gazes of some of the younger workers around him. his boss, despite seeing toji's brute strength before, still looks just as starstruck.
"where'd you come from anyway?" the older man finally blurts out. toji's shoulders tense, eyes narrowing as he pins an intrusive stare to the human. his boss backtracks.
"n-not that it matters!" he stumbles, and toji is suddenly reminded of how human the man is compared to him. "you know i don't care where you're from as long as you can work."
"i can work." the wolf's response is dry. he doesn't like the idea of sharing anything about himself to humans.
(besides you of course.)
"right. we've gotten a lot done since you've joined." the boss once again claps him on the back heartily, and toji has to push down the feelings of irritation at the casual touch.
(all he really cares about is finishing his work. the faster he gets done, the faster he can go home and see you.)
a few hours later, toji's pushing the apartment door open. his muscles are a little sore, but it's peace compared to the aftermath of his old battles underground. the extra key in his hand feels heavy, weighted with some importance that he is unused to. he decides he does not hate it as he drops it in the little bowl you have next to the door—right next to your own keychain.
"i'm back." his voice is low, just because he's still getting used to announcing his return. still getting used to the idea that someone is there waiting for him.
he sees your head pop up from over the back of the couch, and he is briefly reminded of a bunny. the thought almost makes him smile.
"welcome home!" you grin, propping yourself on your knees and peering at him. "how was your day?"
"meh," he grunts, shrugging his jacket off. you roll your eyes good naturedly, almost like you expected this response.
"you're so articulate," you drawl sarcastically, and he huffs. without thinking, he reaches over to give your forehead a gentle push.
"shut up."
you grumble at the shove, pushing his arm away before standing up and heading towards the kitchen. "ready for dinner?"
he glances at the clock, lips slanting unhappily. "you didn't have to wait to eat, kid."
"yeah but i wanted to." a cheeky smile stretches across your face, and he has the strongest urge to reach out and tug on your cheek until you're swatting at him in between laughs.
but all he can do is sigh. "stupid…"
the way you turn to stick your tongue out at him almost makes him chuckle.
in a few minutes you're both in your respective spots, digging into your food just as you do every night. dinner is quiet, but not uncomfortable. somehow toji feels relaxed even in your silence.
(he wonders why that is.)
eventually the wolf feels a pleasant chill run up his spine, so he unconsciously lifts his head. your eyes are pinning him to his seat, not sharp but ever so curious. he thinks he has finally learned how to read you.
(pick you apart and examine your pieces before putting you back together with reverent fingers.)
he is about to ask you to spill it, but you beat him to it.
"hey toji?" your voice is quiet, timid. his gaze travels over you, sharp eyes assessing the sudden nervousness in your posture.
"what?"
"can i ask you something?"
he hesitates, chewing his food, before nodding once.
"how did you end up underground anyway?"
he stiffens. a rush of anger floods through his body. the familiar feeling of hatred as he thinks of the cursed last name he once had and who that name belongs to.
he steels himself, trying to keep those emotions suppressed. the last thing he wants to do is get angry in front of you. so he just swallows, and looks down at his plate. "my family sold me there."
he hears your sharp inhale, can practically smell the spike of indignant anger, before the sadness follows.
"your own family?"
he shrugs haphazardly, like it doesn't matter—it does. "yep."
you watch him continue eating with an evidently sympathetic look in your eyes. he still does not know how to react to that expression, but he knows that it makes his stomach churn with a strange mix of sensations.
"why?" you press, leaning forward. in between the shine of curiosity in your eyes, he sees that subtle spark of anger—anger on his behalf. once again, this idea makes him strangely giddy.
another shrug. toji leans his chin in his palm, gaze drifting to the side. "don't know. they just don't really fuck with hybrids."
you make a face. he suppresses a chuckle.
"as soon as they found out my old man got with my ma, they said i'd be trash," he continues. "cursed her for ruining his life. ever since i was born they told me that i wasn't like them. animal scum, y'know?"
he says all this very casually, but he finds that he cannot look away from you. he wants to greedily drink in every little expression, every sliver of emotion, every single detail that betrays your thoughts and feelings.
(he wants to open you up and dig through flesh and blood until he finds your beating heart. he wants to find it and gently hold it in his palms. take it and keep it close to his own so that it remains untouched—unhurt. safe.)
your expression looks sad now, and toji briefly regrets answering your questions. he finds that he really does not like this expression on you.
"so they just sent you there?" you ask, fiddling with your food. it seems like you've lost your appetite now. "that's it?
toji gives a noncommittal roll of his eyes. "well they spent eighteen years feeding me and growing me up. they figured i owed them for their generous charity."
another grimace of distaste.
"so as soon as i was an adult they sent me down there. been fighting ever since." he finishes the last bite of his food. licks his fingers clean. jade eyes find yours.
a sad dip of your brows. "i'm so sorry. that's terrible."
(you offer your comfort so willingly. naive and warm.
he is an animal. a greedy one. he will take and take and take until there is nothing left to give. until he is attached to your warmth at a level that goes microscopically deep. past skin and muscle and bone and blood.)
toji hums, standing up to go put his empty plate in the sink. just as he is passing by you, he notices your expression—he pauses in his tracks.
you purse your lips, hesitant. but you seem to get over whatever fear you had and speak up. "i'd give you a hug but i know you'll throw a fit."
(his ribcage jumps—he thinks he can feel himself salivate. dripping from his fangs.)
you grin to yourself, like you've told a joke. once again he greedily drinks it in. when you meet his eyes again, blinding smile just for him, he thinks he has been reborn.
"so i'll just say i'm glad you're here."
toji's throat goes dry. there is a flood of thoughts then—uncontrollable and honest. he wonders what it would feel like, a hug from you. if he thinks hard enough, he can imagine the brush of your fingers against his shoulders, around his waist. can feel the tickle of your hair under his chin. can feel the warmth of your cheek against his chest. can feel your scent fill his nostrils. the steady thrum of your heartbeat pressed against his own.
he swallows with a bit of difficulty.
your words dance in his ears—so frustratingly pleasant. i'm glad you're here.
only you could say something so disgustingly sweet and have his head spinning. he thinks you might be more dangerous than he is.
because strangely, his lips pull into a smile, one that is weirdly fond, and he reaches up to put a heavy hand on your head.
you blink, confused, as he ruffles your hair. it's not at all gentle—gruff and unrestrained in a way that is so inherently toji. but you relax under his touch without even realizing it yourself.
he wants to say more. wants to tell you that yes, he's glad to be here too. with you.
but he bites his tongue, drops his hand, and revels in the fact that he can at least look at you right in front of him.
"did your family really care that much when they found out a hybrid was gonna be born into the household?" you ask, and toji continues his walk over to the kitchen sink, answering over his shoulder.
"yeah. the zenins have always been so picky about their stupid bloodline."
from the corner of his eyes, he catches the way your jaw drops at his casual statement. his ears pick up the sounds of you tripping over yourself to follow him, and he almost laughs.
"wait wait zenin like the owners of that super huge company? the really rich ones? those zenins?!"
"that's the one," he smirks mirthlessly, pawing at the faucet. the sound of his family name drives away any remaining semblance of appetite he had. he sneaks a glance at your expression, finding a sliver of amusement at the wide eyed stare you're sporting. a quiet chuckle tumbles past his lips. "gonna tattle?"
your expression turns affronted as you scoff. "do you really have that little trust in me?"
"no. i trust you." he says it so blankly, a deadpan stare on his face as his jade eyes pin you to your spot. heat crawls up your neck, unaccustomed to such blatant honesty from the normally so closed off hybrid.
you clear your throat, and toji bites back a smile. the flustered expression on your face is new to him.
(there is warmth radiating off of your face that he has never felt before. he can see your eyes dart to the side, can see you shrink a little at his statement. his eyes trace the way your tongue darts out to wet your lips. this behavior is unfamiliar, but he thinks he likes it. flustered, embarrassed, shy—all because of him. the urge to brand himself with your name grows in his gut like a flame, hot and desperate.)
somehow he finds that his appetite has returned.
so so hungry.
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gay-dorito-dust · 4 months ago
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hopefully tumblr doesnt eat this up again 😭
i was wondering how the batfam would reacted to getting caught watching edits of celebrity!reader
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I’m just going to put them in a relationship with Celeb! reader just to make things easier for myself.
Dick doesn’t give a fuck if he’s caught watching edits of you! You’re his spouse of course he’s going to save each and every edit there was of you because it’s be a crime if he didn’t.
He’ll even show you the ones where he thinks you’re the hottest in shamelessly with a smile. He honestly can’t get enough of the edits that his FYP is filled with them and snippets of interviews that transition to the edits as well.
Dick has no shame in being caught because why would he? You deserve to have a thousand of edits in your name and Dick has one too many edits saved in his phone, so much so that your surprised his phone still somehow has storage for the next wave of edits that he’ll be saving should he deem them worthy.
‘Babe come look at this edit of you! You look hot!’ Is the most often used when Dick is showing off an edit of yourself to you in hopes of getting your opinions on it. You don’t mind people making edits, especially didn’t mind them now when Dick would shout ‘my spouse is fucking gorgeous! God damn’ out of seemingly nowhere.
You’re not even surprised when his Lock Screen is a live wallpaper of the edit itself, dick really didn’t have any problems showing you off in any capacity at all.
Jason is either calm with being caught or he’s wanting to strangle Roy because who else is going to rat him out to you about watching edits of you other than him?
‘Chipmunk I can explain-‘ Jason would start.
‘There’s no need, I know you watch edits of me sweetheart there’s nothing to be ashamed of at all.’ You tell him as you cuddle up to his chest. ‘It’s complete fine I’m not going to shame you in watching them, I think it’s flattering that you do.’ You add and Jason couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief as he held onto you, kissing your forehead.
‘It’s not my fault you’re perfect and the edits happen to capture that beauty sweetheart.’ Jason replied and you couldn’t help but chuckle as you looked at him sweetly, not knowing how much more you could possibly love this beautiful man as much as you could, especially when his cheeks flush with a red colour while he scratched his nose sheepishly.
You didn’t mind that he was watching edits and while he was glad about that he was more than certain to watch them elsewhere, more specifically away from Roy before he can rat on him…again.
Tim is terrified the moment you catch him watching edits of you, so much so that he completely forgot to pause the edit as you stare at each other, accompanied by music playing in the background.
It’s hilarious to you but embarrassing to poor Tim who believes that you’d see him as a weirdo for watching them, but all you do is laugh and kiss the side of his head before fiddling his hair affectionately. ‘Watching edits of me are you? And here I thought you couldn’t get more adorable Timmy.’ You tease as you kiss his cheek.
‘You’re not weirded out?’ He’d ask, holding his phone to his shirt, not wanting you to know that he was more or less the one making them rather than watching them. He’s literally got several usb drives worth of edit material to make, no joke.
‘Nope just flattered.’ You replied before leaving Tim be before he passes out from embarrassment. Little did you know he’s making about ten more edits as we speak, all of which have to be perfect and he’ll watch them ten times over if he must, for no specific reason at all.
Bruce is just admiring his beautiful/ handsome spouse. That is all.
Alfred would’ve most likely told you that he’s been watching edits of you when you’re away. It’s adorable and you couldn’t help but smile at how your handsome boy has an hidden file on the bar computer dedicated to your edits. (Dick and Tim found it by pure accident and dick couldn’t hope but tell you about it.)
Needless to say you won’t see him watch the edits but you’ll hear from everyone else that he watches them and that about the closest you’ll get to catching him in the act of watching edits honestly. However don’t be surprised when you see a video from Stephanie of her filing Bruce somewhere as he watched the edits of you on the big screen of the bat computer, his eyes filled with pride and awe of his pretty/ charming spouse looking so effortlessly ethereal.
While you might not have caught him in the act yourself, you still found yourself smiling at Bruce smiling up at the edits of you -and sometimes him because you’re a power couple- as a warmth encased your whole being, buts that’s more than enough for you as it can act as your own little secret.
Damian is good at keeping his little secret safe, so you seeing him watch edits of you were slim to none, and even if you did you catch him in the act you would have to have been blessed by Lady Luck herself.
He’s a little embarrassed that you caught him in the act, mainly because he thought he was better than this to let his guard down to be caught in an act like this, then he’ll become irritated at the fact that you had came into his own room just to catch him watching edits of you.
‘You’re watching edits of me.’ You said.
‘And? Did you seriously come into my room to tell me that? What happened to respecting my privacy?’ He retorts, arms cross over his chest. He didn’t care that you caught him, he’s just more or less annoyed with his privacy being violated.
‘Sorry my sweet I should’ve knocked, but you haven’t answered my question.’ You apologised with a little hug and a kiss to his forehead and Damian found himself forgiving you in an instant as he brought you back into a short lived hug, hiding his flustered face in the depths of your neck, tightening his grip on you.
‘Tim hacked my phone.’ He says in response and you just let it slide, knowing that he’ll admit to it sooner or later and not when he’s being cornered into talking. You knew he watched the edits because he’s totally infatuated with his spouse and Damian knew it too, but wouldn’t dare tell you until this moment has passed you both by.
So until then he’ll watch the edits in secret because he can’t get enough of how gorgeous you looked in them.
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novemberheart · 5 months ago
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{overview} You make a wrong turn once or twice
{warnings} fem reader, chapter story, a/b/o dynamics, poly 141, some emotional angst
Chapter 35 <- Chapter 36 -> Chapter 37
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It was strange how something so small could be so violating.
The tracker had been removed in under ten minutes- it had taken longer for the anesthetics to kick in. Now here you were in a hospital observation room with the little wire in your hands.
Dr. Harrelson wanted to keep you for a few more hours to make sure your symptoms evened out and to make sure you didn't have a reaction to the anesthetics.
The sun was up now. You could see it expanding over the ceiling. There was a knock besides your curtain.
“How are you doing, pup?” Dr. Harrelson questioned. The back of his hand rested against your forehead, a small quirk in his lips at your perfect temperature.
“I feel a lot better physically,” you half chuckled. Your eyes darted down to the small wire that was being twirled between your fingers. “Is there any way we can trace it back to someone?” you asked.
“I don't see why not,” he shrugged. “All your alphas have to do is”-
“No alphas,” you interjected. “I've given them enough trouble in my time with them. This is something I need to figure out on my own,” you emphasized.
You've had more than enough time to think. This tracker had been injected into you years ago. It had nothing to do with your pack now. Why should they be involved in it? Or forced to fix the situation? Looking back now it was a blessing you were alone when this happened.
You couldn't cause any more problems.
Just because you were marked doesn't mean you couldn't be thrown to the curb. It was clear they had no qualms about being apart from you. Maybe it was easier for them. They didn't have to worry about you. They didn't have to change their schedule to accommodate you. It could just be the four of them.
Like the good ol’ days.
“Pup?” Dr. Harrelson pressed. You opened your eyes.
“Where do I go to get this looked at?” You asked. He sighed, scratching at his narrow jaw.
“You can send it to a lab,” he said finally. “There’s one on base. You'll need an alpha to sign off on it though,” he explained.
“Any alpha, or just my alpha?”
“Any,” he sighed once more.
“Dr. Harrelson,” you spoke. His honey eyes softened. “Thank you for helping me. I would also like for you to be my primary doctor. If that's alright with you?” you added. His face softened even more.
“Would be my honor. You’ll have to convince your alphas of that though,” he smiled.
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“Anais I need a favor,” you murmured hesitantly.
“What happened? You don't sound too good,” she spoke from the other line. You could imagine the crinkle by her eyes as she spoke.
“I was sick and had to go to the doctors. I'm fine now but I found something. I was hoping you and Briggs could help me,” you explained.
“Why didn't you call me earlier?!? Where are you? We’ll be right there,” she growled from the other end.
“Still at the doctors at the entrance of the omega ward. Thank you, Anais,” you breathed.
The pair were there shortly after she hung up. You didn't see Anais’ alpha a lot- he was a busy man. He had a duffle flung over his shoulder and you already knew Anais had planned to stay the night with you. As soon as she got close you wrapped your arms around her, breathing in her honey scent. The two of you walked side by side, Briggs standing opposingly behind you.
“So they pulled this out of your leg?” Briggs started, holding the small wire between his fingertips. You nodded, a pang shooting through your legs at the thought.
“How come it didn't dissolve?” Anais spoke. You honestly hadn't thought to ask that.
“Defected or something,” you guessed.
“You or the wire?” she questioned, making you giggle.
“Probably both,” you sighed.
“You have any idea who could've placed it?” Briggs hummed, his elbows resting on his knees.
“It would've been around the time if first went into omega holding houses or a little before,” you explained.
“I’m sure you would've felt it being injected. What about when you first arrived at the omega holding house? Don’t they do physicals?” Briggs asked.
“They do. But I kept my pants on the whole time. They just do routine stuff like blood pressure, heart rate, check your eyes and ears,” you explained.
“You said a little before,” Anais began. “Could it be someone from your family? Maybe your grandparents? They were the ones that worried about you,” Anais suggested.
You didn't know what to think. It felt more likely that it was someone from one of your omega holding houses. But why would they want to track you? You never stayed at one long enough to get attached to someone.
“Maybe it's just for scientific reasons?” you spoke. Both their eyebrows quirked. “Like how scientists track sea turtles and things like that. Maybe they track a lot of omegas just to see where we end up or how long it takes before we get scooped up by a pack,” you continued.
“Not a shabby idea,” Briggs hummed. “You satisfied with that though?”
“No,” you replied. “That’s why I need you. I want to send it to the lab on base so they can track who it's from. I just need an alpha to sign off on it,” you explained slowly. Briggs held up a hand to stop you.
“This is something your alphas should do for you”-
“I can't go to them with this!” you sputtered. “You two know that I've been a bit of a troublemaker already. The last thing I need is more problems- especially after being marked. They’d give me the boot,” you admitted.
“I’m going to tell you this as not only an alpha but a friend, that's insulting,” Briggs snapped. Your eyes widened, and you could see Anais shiver from next to you. “Nothing is worse to an alpha than their omega not trusting them to take care of them. Not only that, but your betas would throw a fucking fit too,”
“I understand that Briggs, but you don't know the whole situation”-
“Neither do you,” Briggs interrupted. “You seem to forget that your pack are the top dogs around this place. I don't need them comin’ after me,” he breathed.
“They wouldn't do that! Besides, how would they even know?”
“Nothing happens without the 141 knowin’ about it. Wouldn't be surprised if they already knew about your leg,” Briggs spoke. Your heart dropped into your stomach.
That couldn't be true.
They couldn't know everything.
“Alright,” you agreed. “I shouldn't have expected you to do that. I'm sorry. Both of you,” you whispered, shuffling a bit closer to Anais. The energy in the air had made her uncomfortable. Briggs reached out a hand holding the back of her head and pressing a gentle kiss against her forehead to soothe her.
“Why can't you do it?” Anais pressed, looking up at Briggs. His blonde brows furrowed.
“If they found out. They would separate the two of you,” Briggs added. You didn't quite appreciate the way he spoke about your pack. Sure, they could be a bit extreme in some cases, but they were fair.
“They wouldn’t do that,” you assured.
“Say it’s mine!” Anais yelled suddenly. “The wire,” she clarified.
“I don't know about that”-
“You would do that Anais?” you asked.
“Of course,” she chuckled. “You would do that for me too! Remember that one time I knocked over a display case and you said it was you because you knew you wouldn't get in trouble because of who your pack is,” she giggled, causing a smile to grace your face. Both of you turned to Briggs.
“I guess that could work,” he sighed defeatedly.
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You couldn't take it anymore.
In four days it would be a month since you’ve heard from your pack. It wasn't right. It wasn't natural.
The bonds you had worked so hard to build were already fraying.
The flat was no longer theirs. All scent of them had been erased from the surface.
You couldn't believe that they had no time to call you.
They had done it before.
What made this time so different?
You were marked.
They already had you where they wanted you. The courting phase was over. They had gotten what they wanted. An obedient omega waiting for them at home. They didn't need to impress you. They didn't need to win you over.
The bonds you had worked so hard to build were already fraying.
A few days ago, in a moment of weakness, you called Laswell.
A few more rings and it’ll go to voicemail.
“What’s wrong, honey?” The sound of her voice made you sob. Well, sob harder than you already had been.
“When are they coming home?” you gasped out, your hand gripping the neck of your shirt. You could get her growl on the other end. Not against you, but for you.
“I’m not sure, honey. They miss you,” she pressed out, her own eyes watering at the pure anguish in your voice.
“That’s not enough,” you sobbed. “Can I hear one of them? Please?” you begged.
“I can't,” she whispered. “They are fine though, sweetheart. They’re doing everything they can to get back home to you. It’s just- It’s never-ending,” was all she could say.
“That’s not enough,” you gasped out, your phone dropping to the floor.
It was exhausting. Constantly teetering between heartbreak and anger.
What If you left?
How long would it take before anyone noticed?
Anais would know immediately. But who would she tell? Would there be anything anyone could do? What was stopping you from walking off of base right now?
The chip behind your ear might make it a bit challenging.
Your chip.
You hadn't thought about that before. Were they checking it? Could they see that you went to the medical center?
If they had enough time to check the app, they had enough time to call you.
Bastards.
What if they did know that you went to the medical center in the middle of the night? No one bothered to check up on you.
Bastards.
You pulled yourself off the floor trudging into your room. You threw on a sweater, a pair of jeans, and your lace-up shoes. You made your hair semi-presentable.
Could you really do this?
Leave the safety of your flat and head out into the world.
You should at least put on some scent blockers.
Your hand gripped the cold metal of the door handle. You had everything you needed. Vernie cuddled up in the backpack on your back. Your phone, keys and a bit of cash and a card your pack had left you with.
All you had to do was open the door.
All you had to do was open the door.
And move your feet.
Which proved to be harder than opening the door.
All you had to do was get onto the elevator.
That part was easy.
All you had to do was leave the building.
That part was hard.
All you had to do was make your way to the entrance of base.
That part was long.
All you had to do was decide if you wanted to go left, right or straight.
You could always turn back around.
No.
To the right was where the city was. It had the bakery. The store. The aquarium. To the left was the beach.
You didn't know what was straight ahead.
Why not find out?
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You stayed a little past the treeline, so nobody could see you from the road. You only had to walk around an hour before you were in a completely different area. It was nice. Suburban. It made you feel safe. Vernie padded alongside you, her leash in her mouth.
“How about a little break?” you questioned, looking down at the pup. She paid you no mind too absorbed in the leaves beneath her paws. You stopped at a gas station, quickly putting Vernie back into the backpack. You grabbed some water and a large fountain soda. The two of you sat on the curb, taking in the world around you. While it wasn't entirely glamorous, it was free- and it was yours.
The leaves had nearly finished turning. Just another thing your pack was missing. In the distance you could see some dark clouds rolling in. Maybe you should turn back? You have proven your point.
To turn back now felt like giving up. Giving up on what you weren't quite sure. Yet, the feeling was enough to move you to stand. Just as you were about to continue Vernie turned, beginning to pull you back the way you came.
“Vernie,” you sighed, gently pulling the pup along. She was as stubborn as you, tugging back on the leash. You looked back up at the sky again. “Maybe you're right,” you grumbled, heading back the way you came.
You were halfway there when the rain started to come down. It started off as a drizzle, you picking up the pace to compensate. That didn't matter much.
You were thoroughly soaked. Your sweater the perfect material to soak up any moisture in the air. You were more concerned about Vernie though. She seemed fine. You had flipped the backpack to your front, holding her against you for warmth. The trees provided some protection, but the wind was strong.
“I’m sorry Vern,” you mumbled, pressing a kiss against her head. You had started to shiver now, the temperature dropping as the clouds blocked the sun. You shouldn't have left. You especially shouldn't have wandered out without a raincoat. “Sorry, Vern,” you apologized again. You just had twenty more minutes till you were home. You didn't want to walk through base like this.
You suppose you deserved it.
Tires screeching to a halt caught your attention. You shrunk back, trying your best to conceal yourself against the treeline. You peaked around as the door of the car slammed shut, a very pissed alpha and beta heading your way.
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Hi friends! 👋 See you in three days for chapter 36🫣Hope you are liking section 2 so far!
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daylighted · 2 months ago
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ㅤ ㅤㅤmy boy's a mechanic! . . . charlie baker.
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you knew nothing about cars. not a thing. you put the key in the ignition, the engine started, and that was about it. being an only child, your dad thought that he'd make your life easier by never letting you struggle. that was how he ended up doing all of your mechanic work, sometimes even pumping your gas for you.
sure, it was nice; being spoiled always was. but the downsides came quickly when your parents were out of town, and your car spluttered to a stop on the side of the road.
couldn't call your dad, not wanting to stress him out. couldn't call your mom, because she'd tell your dad, and of course they would have come home to help you, but how awful would it be to be the sole reason their mini vacation was ruined?
so you called charlie. charlie was incredible self-sufficient; knew how to cook, worked maintenance on his family's cars, could fix most plumbing and technical issues around his house. all-in-all, he was a perfect choice to call in your troubles.
you stood outside in the blazing summer heat, the hood of your car propped open, and you staring inside at the engine and the mechanics, seeing a lot and understanding none of it.
"right, so you see the gas cap?" charlie's voice scratches through the receiver and into your ear. "open it, like you're fillin' your tank."
your arms cross over your chest, a little whine falling out of your mouth. "charlie, i have plenty of gas. i'm not going over there. it's somethin' with the engine or... something."
"mhm," charlie hums and clears his throat, "go to the side of the car, baby."
you bristle, slamming the hood of the car shut with your freed hand. "so, what, you want me to just look in there and see how full of gas my car definitely is?"
"i want you to look in there and make sure it's gas." he's always been patient with you, but it was clear that he had siblings, from the way it came so easily to talk back to you. "from what you're sayin', with the terrible grindin' noises and the splutters, could have been siphoned and replaced."
"hm."
charlie snorts. there's rustling on his end, and then his voice is back and clear. "hm. don't give me attitude, baby, i'll leave you on the side of the road."
the growl in your throat is entirely made up of the aggression starting to build inside of you. "you leave me on the side of the road, charlie baker, we're breaking up."
"no," charlie says, drawling the word out, and there's more scratchy sounds, like he's running the phone cord beneath his shirt and rustling it. "--you're brea'ing up. where r'you?"
"leaving the city. rural backroads or something." well, this was just great. car was maybe out of gas, engine was maybe shot, and you were without cell signal on the side of the road. you whine all over again. "charlie."
charlie sighs. "m'comin', okay? lemme grab s'tools and--" he cuts out, and then the line drops. you flip your phone shut and throw it in the open window of your car in fury. it wasn't his fault. none of this was charlie's fault. but you were definitely allowed to be angry when you were stuck on the side of the road for god knew how long.
the answer was twelve minutes. you sit in your driver's seat, watching the time tick by on the clock of your radio, and twelve minutes later you see the rusty outline of charlie's truck roll up behind you.
"supposed to have your hazards on when you're pulled off like this," he says immediately upon his arrival, and then he presses a kiss to your forehead. "hi baby."
your mouth twists into a devastated pout. "don't be sweet with me when you tried to tell me this was all because i'm out of gas."
his lips twitch, and he reaches up with the hand not holding a toolbox to adjust the brim of his red baseball cap. "'course it's not out of gas. your tire blew."
"what?" your shock is audible, leaning half out of the driver's side window to look at your two tires. sure enough, the back driver's side one was flat. charlie's dimples poke into his cheeks in his innocent grin. "why didn't you say that?"
"why didn't you say that?" charlie shoots back, bending down to drop the toolbox into the grass. "i can't see your tires over a phone, baby."
your eyes roll again, and charlie laughs. "i'll get it all taken care of, honey." he circles around to your trunk, pushing it open. "aren't you so glad now that i made you get that spare tire 'stead of ice cream a few weeks ago?"
"no." your voice is grumbly, punctuated by the pout of your mouth. "it was at least eighty bucks more than a vanilla cone with sprinkles, no cherry."
charlie gives you a look, but his eyes glimmer all the same. "i should make you change this, since you wanna have an attitude about my graciousness."
he lugs the tire out of your trunk, rolling it over to rest against the backdoor. "no, you know what?" he continues, strong arms crossing over his broad chest. "i'll teach you. come n' dirty up that dress, baby."
as much as you want to protest, it was thoughtful of him, to not coddle you like your father spent the entirety of your life doing. having eleven siblings couldn't have been easy, but it'd turned charlie into an expert on how to deal with the likes of you.
so you watch him change out your tires, explaining each step along the way, making you dirty up your hands ( and your dress ) to show him that you were absorbing his instructions.
and when charlie circles around your car to turn it on, check if the system was reading the tire pressure right or whatever it was that he'd said, you can hear it from your perch against the door. the ding of the low fuel indicator.
charlie breaks into a cackle. "go ahead and tell me again how full of gas your car is?"
"shut up," you grumble, tossing a wad of ripped out grass at him.
"more like my baby's full of shit, i think."
you lunge forward to push at his shoulder with a laugh, and charlie takes the time to grab your wrist and tug you into his lap. his foot hooks underneath the car door to shut it behind you, his other hand reaching backwards to flip the hazards on. it was the right thing to do, after all, even though the car was fine now.
they didn't need someone rolling up next to them with charlie's hands up the skirt of your dress.
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this one's to u @starzify who dared me to make more. and to u, u, u, and u, my fellow charlie baker lovebots 🙂‍↕ @deansbeer, @titsout4jackles, & @ultravi0lence14
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