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everlarkficquestions · 4 years

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Sunday Stumped Day 29

It’s another Sunday Stumped Day!

Sometimes we straight out get stumped. So every few months we will pick a Sunday when we’ll post of a list of asks that we need your help on.

This time around we have focused on Asks that are looking for specific fics.

If you know the answer to any of these asks please shoot us a message/ ask/ with the Post number and the fic details and we’ll add it and give you a shout out with our thanks. Any links you can provide will also be super helpful.

Thanks!

Post 1 , Post 2 , Post 3, Post 4, Post 5, Post 6, Post 7, Post 8, Post 9, Post 10, Post 11, Post 12, Post 13, Post 14, Post 15, Post 16, Post 17, Post 18, Post 19, Post 20, Post 21, Post 22 , Post 23, Post 24, Post 25, Post 26, Post 27 and Post 28 can be found here - and there are still fics we need your help with.

495. theman189-blog said:

Also looking for a growing together fic where peeta and katniss are painting a room ar one point and they get in a paint fight, at the end when peeta has katniss over his shoulder she draws a heart in paint on his lower back

494. theman189-blog said:

Hi there, just read a fic where katniss and peeta were peacekeepers and fall in love called protect and serve, and I could have sworn there was another one where they're peacekeepers and fell in love but had a more concrete ending and I cant remember it... any thoughts?

493. breakmeaswitchson said:

Hi! So I posted asking about this on a sub in Reddit and got directed here, it's not specifically an Everlark one (I don't think) but if you could help I'd be so thankful! Basically, it took the characters from the 74th Hunger Games, but the twist was that they all had to work together in designated groups? And (I think) weren't allowed to turn on each other until nobody else was left. I'm pretty sure Rue and Clove were on a team together, and I think the setting involved abandoned buildings.

492. jayana90 said:

Hi! I'm looking for a specific fic from Peeta's POV. I read it about a year ago & now I can't find it. It begins at his house in 12 with his family, then traces nearly all of the Hunger Games trilogy. It ends with a chapter with Peeta & Katniss living in 12 years later with their kids and a bakery. I think they loved cheese bread? It was really long and so good, I hope to find it again. V smutty.

FOUND! The Sexual Frustrations of Peeta Mellark by PeetasAndHerondales, which has sadly been deleted. - thank you, mistressnightshade!

491. allflowerscatchthesunlight said:

Fic name needed: I recall Peeta was taken by the capitol and then there was trackers embedded into his skin or something and he was found by the squad while in the capitol to kill snow. They cut it out of him. Also katniss was pregnant, but miscarried.

Found! Secret Wishes, Secret Kisses by @katnissdoesnotfollowback -- thank you KDNFB!

490. jsth2obooks said:

Hi I read this fix a while ago and now I'm trying to find it. It's Modern day Katnisss and Peeta have to go to a high school reunion an they pretend to be either together/engaged. At the end they end up with a child. Thanks in advance

FOUND! Somewhere That’s Green by Jlala. Thank you, @fangirlingoverquotes

489. uglydora15 said:

I read this fancition about Katniss and Peeta post mockingjay and Katniss was pregnant I think for the second time and Peeta has a flashback and Katniss caught him kissing someone else in the bakery and he had to beg for her forgiveness

Possibly There Are Still Worse Games to Play- The Second Part of Our Journey by panskiss123. Thank you, @sunsetsrmydreams

488. bad-fad said:

Hi so I think there’s a fix where mr. Mellark like takes in katniss when she’s young (I don’t think prim existed in the story but I could be wrong) and she grows up with the Mellarks but I can’t remember?? If not maybe some recs along those lines

Possibly - “Kinship” by Misshoneywell - thank you @endlessnightlock

possibly Star by HGRomance - thank you @nightlock-89

Possibly the deleted Lion’s Tooth by Alexabee

487. craftydiva0828 said:

Looking for a story where after the war, Katniss rides the trains searching the districts for Peeta; people search for loved ones by posting their pictures at the train depot bulletin board.

FOUND! when the far-gone dead return - writingforhugs (Thanks, @ladymurphyevermore!)

486. bookworm06 said:

I was wondering if you guys know about a fic where Peeta woos katniss slowly, they dare secretly for a long time i think. And then Katniss comes out in this beautiful orange dress(peeta’s favorite color) to announce their engagement. She’s dressed up for a feast or party in the district or something! I loved this story but can’t even remember the name 🤦🏻‍♀️

FOUND! - I Knew This Would Have Happened Anyway by @abk1973 - thank you, @litharalen

485. cowrintimrousbeastie said:

Hello! This is actually the first time I'm posting a question, I usually enjoy doing the detective work. This time though, I've looked high and low and can't find it... it's a drabble posted on tumblr in several parts. Peeta is living with his girlfriend Delly but during one of his baking workshops discovers that this longtime best friend Katniss is in love with him (she has him as her phone screen saver). She works at the library? He confronts her and she says forget it as he is happy w/Delly..

FOUND! By @cowrintimrousbeastie herself! It is How Long by @ra3lynn3. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 , Part 4 and Part 5.

484. beautiful-harmony1 said:

Hello! Thank for your great work. I am looking for a fic I read a while ago. Post-mockingjay. Katniss is really sick and Peeta comes homes a realises. He takes care of her. On her “death bed” she talks about this that would have happened between the two. I’m pretty sure some bursts in and say “we found a cure”. Thank you so much

483. thehopefuldandelion said:

So I’ve been craving to read this fic that hopefully I didn’t make up and I’ve been trying to remember it’s name. All I remember is that Katinss and Gale(I think) are dating but when Gale would go to sleep Katinss would text Peeta. I’m pretty sure they were coworkers and couldn’t date bc of this. I know that she broke up with Gale but that’s all that my brain can remember. I’m sorry if this is vague or you can’t find it. I just wanted to read this again. Thanks for all you do for the community❤️

FOUND! This is After Hours by SoThere -thank you, @mendontprotectyou!

482. redhoodhungergames said:

I’m looking for a fic where peeta goes to this hotel (or something) and finds Katniss who works there as a singer. I remember when talking we hear that Katniss is from Virginia

481. just-absolutely-super said:

There’s a pre-epilogue fic I read about Katniss and Peeta growing back together. I can’t remember all the details but I think in the fic Katniss finds out Peeta painted Prim and it upset her? Toward the end she’s outside his bedroom door and confesses to him that she loves him. Thank you!

Possibly - The List of Words by MyKonstantine - thank you, @jennagill

480. peetniss27 said:

OK i must be going crazy, but this fanfic is about panem being a bunch of islands and they all do a computer session and are matched with their spouses after being “reaped” and Katniss was dating peeta and ended up with gale. It was called the islands but idk the new name please help!!!!!

FOUND!

Are You Leaving Me? - iloverueforever (*Thank you, @superchocovian!)

479. uniquepizzacollectionblog said:

Hi, i"m looking for a fic where katniss and peeta and best friends and have slept with each other in the past and now the sexual tension is coming back, maybe you guys know of this story?

478. xgetawaycar13 said:

Hiiii so I’m looking for a fic in which Katniss and Peeta get married in catching fire by order of snow and they are also forced to have children but I remember that at some point someone told Katniss about how all the girls at school liked Peeta so she got jealous and have him a blowjob Thank youuu I already look through your master list about marriage in catching fire but I couldn’t find it:(

FOUND. This is Have Heart, My Dear by monroeslittle. Thanks @finestunicorn.

477. ochri said:

Hi i'm looking for this fic from fanfiction It's a post-MJ fic and there's this one chapter where katniss peels? her skin off her fingers and then Peeta takes her to hospital. That's all I really remember :/

476. nikki-pondtheauthor said:

hey im curious if there are fanfics in which peeta learns how to use a bow and shoot arrows (taught by katniss). bonus if he does this in hunger games. im sure ive a read a fanfic before, that was awesome in my opinion because it is a bit out of character for him but highlighting the fact that he is a survivor too and can handle weapons even if he is more a friendly persona

475. white-dandelion-seeds said:

Hey, can you find me this story- Peeta helped Katniss to escape when her family was being killed. But he got captured and was made a slave. Later he helps Katniss to take revenge of the death of her family

474. chippedcupsandbrokenhearts said:

Ok do you know the name of Fic where Katniss finally gets away from her abusive marriage with gale and goes back to her family. They didn’t know she was being abused. She falls in love with Peeta and I remember at one point gale found her and her family drives him out of town. I read this YEARS ago and now I just randomly had the urge to reread it but can’t remember the name. Thank you!!!

Possibly - A Safe Place by HavishamWard,but this fic has been deleted. Thank you, @endlessnightlock

473. jillpill55 said:

Hi, I love your page and have read probably a hundred fics because of it. I hoping you can help me find this fic I read a couple of months ago. Peeta was captured and when he came back he couldn't kiss Katniss because of a implant snow had put in peeta's leg. I would be a mutli-chapter and may or not be finished. Thanks

Possibly - Rekindling by ShiningCity. Thank you, @sunsetsrmydreams

472. svmn14 said:

There was a story about Peeta suffering from an undetected hijacking attack timed 10 years after the last Games where he was designed to hurt Katniss

FOUND! This is Broken: Scenes from the Sequel by MockingJayFlyingFree. Thanks @sunsetsrmydreams

471. hiyosakura said:

Hello! I was wondering if you could help find this everlark fic. I’m not sure if it’s completed or not but it also has hayffie in it a bit I think. So the story is that k and p fall in love before their games and they meet at their tree in school or something but then they get reaped and I can’t remember what happens after that but during the quarter quell Katniss is actually pregnant and Peeta and Katniss are able to communicate with their lips touching.

FOUND! That’s 74th Hunger games Challenge: We Always Were - Jamie Sommers(*Thank you, @superchocovian!)

470. ptx-holic said:

Hi, i’m looking for a fic where katniss is in a relationship with gale and then she met peeta and they are in a relationship but they caught katniss having two relationship and katniss move to somewhere and then she came back few years later and met peeta again. I’m sorry if this is confusing for you but i can’t find it. Thank you :)

Do any of these fics ring a bell? Please let us know!

#SSD #sunday stumped day #compilation #mod post

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crowsent · 4 years

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AUgust 2020: Post-Apocalypse AU

Challenge given by @augustwritingchallenge

Summary: "You’ve gotta be fucking KIDDING me!” Battered and dirty and broken as it is, Max recognised this sign. Camp Camp looked much smaller now.

Pairing: N/A, implied mention of Gwen/David

Characters: Max, mention of Gwen and David

Word Count: 1143

CW: Zombie violence

Notes: the tumblr version is unformatted. for that reason, i highly recommend you to read the ao3 version instead so yall get that sweet sweet tone difference.

im a basic bitch who picked Zombie for post-apocalypse get over it. and i SWEAR to god if ANYONE fucking pulls some disgusting maxv//d bullshit in the notes im blocking yalls asses

AO3 Link: HERE

“You’ve gotta be fucking KIDDING me!” It’s a bad idea, but literally fucking everything is a bad idea in this zombie shitstorm. Who gives a cunt’s hair if Max lets out a scream filled with the rage-frustration-disbelief-rage that had been building up more and more and more? “There’s fucking something laughing at me,” he declared. A god, a demon, a heartless wretch dictating what his life would be behind a silver screen but something out there just wanted him to suffer for as long as possible in the worst fucking way.

The stupid banner under it has torn, the letters had faded even more, and one of the posts holding the sign up had been knocked down, but the stupid fucking thing stubbornly held itself aloft using a nearby overgrown tree branch like a crutch. Battered and dirty and broken as it was, Max recognised this sign. And, as he looked around him, he began to recognise these woods.

Camp Camp looked much smaller now. Max could touch the sign if he reached up for it on his tiptoes. Trace the letters that he spat at in his youth, follow the winding path deeper in with his eyes and if he looked real hard, deep past the overgrowth of leaves and branches, he could almost make out the flag in front of the mess hall peeking out, the one that David always saluted whenever he chanced a glance up like a fucking moron.

Starving, exhausted, and with blisters on his feet from running so damn much, Max can’t fucking believe that luck or fate or whatever the fuck brought him back here. A sharp whine, cut through the air behind him. Without even thinking, Max picked up his baseball bat and swung blind towards the noise.

There was a crack and a snap and just a little bit of that disgusting squelch when wet flesh slaps against the ground. Max heard it way too often these days. The bat cleaved through a runner’s forearm, sending it flying off into the great beyond as the zombie fell back, tumbling head over ass a few feet back. It didn’t stay down, runners never do, and the bitch got back up, scuttling on all fours (threes now, since it just lost an arm) like a shitty human-dog hybrid and lunged.

Max swung again and took the head clean off.

The fucker screamed too before it died. Like screaming was just the national past time in the middle of the apocalypse. Like it just had to let its zombie friends know that “hey, there’s a human here that hasn’t been bitten yet bon ape-fucking-tit.”

Bastard.

There’s a matching scream in the distance, in the direction where Max ran from. First one. Then two, then three. Then there was a chorus as the fucking things communicated. They were coming. Fucking zombies, travelling around in packs and shit like blonde rich girls with pumpkin spice lattes taking up the entire walkway when they traipse down the fucking mall at the pace of a crippled tortoise. Bitch. “I’m not dying in front of this shitty fucking camp…” Max grumbled. He wiped his bat (stolen off a wannabe jock getting his arm bit from highschool a couple of weeks ago) on the zombie runner’s tattered jeans. It helped a bit. There was still gunk and gore and what Max was sure was a tooth embedded in it, but he had no time.

He held it by the middle and ran away from the incoming horde, deeper into the woods. Towards camp. The bus dropped kids off here, and then David would come vomit sunshine all over them and escort them to the camp proper for the grand tour of Campbell’s poor excuse of a money-making scheme. The trail was overrun with grass, path barely visible at all as the trees stretched their gnarled branches out like grasping hands and shadowed everything with a thick canopy of leaves. Didn’t matter though. It’s been years since Max had been in this shitty camp, but he didn’t need to see the trail to know where the camp was.

That upturned rock that kinda looks like a butt was still there. Had to turn slightly to the left until he sees the tree with the sexy Marilyn Monroe pose where had to turn right in a 90 degree angle until he reached the mess hall. Max’s feet moved on instinct and habit, following a path that he’d known seemingly his entire childhood. Happens when your parents punt you out of the car like unwanted luggage and you have to stay in one place year after year after year til they don’t pick you up one summer and you had to be dragged away by some bitch in a uniform and a smile so plastic they could market her off as a hyper-realistic barbie doll.

Muscle memory took Max in front of the mess hall. There was still a redundantly painted ‘Mess Hall’ over the door, though a little faded now. The flag pole still stood; held together with tape and rope and sheer fucking spite. And even though the last time Max had called David ended with his screams and Gwen’s terrified voice panic-yelling that a zombie had made it into their house, he couldn’t help but think that no one else but David could have done this. He was the only son of a bitch dumb enough to ever come back to Camp Campbell in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. That he and Gwen were safe.

I wonder what happened to him?

Max didn’t spend that long standing outside and gawking at the pole like an idiot. No, he was going to be smart about this. He knew that there was an attic in the mess hall where Cameron Campbell kept his shit, and another attic in the pantry behind the kitchen where Neil wrote in his diary and kept biscuits and juice and who knows what else. If he was lucky, there’d be something for him to eat while he waits for the horde to investigate this sham of a summer camp like Agents Millner used to do. Hopefully they’d be just as shitty at it.

He’d be quiet and patient. A thing he used to be shit at, but funny how good he turned out at them when being both of those things meant continuing to live another day of this shitty life.

Max pushed open the door. It creaked a little, but it was unlocked and he could get in.

He didn’t know why he did it, but just before he slipped inside the mess hall and barricaded the door, Max threw the Camp Camp salute at the flag, back straight, arm out, fingers curled as he tilted his head up ever so slightly.

Just like David used to do.

#crowsas writes #au_gust_2020 #camp camp

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inu-fiction · 6 years

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PSA: Stuff You Maybe Didn’t Realize You Can Back Up To AO3, And How To Tag it

Tumblr seems to be in potential death throes or at least, incredibly volatile and unreliable lately, but we’ve done some pretty good and informative work on canon analysis and reference guides so I was looking for ways to back it up without losing it...and the solution became obvious to me: Archive of Our Own, aka AO3. “What?” you might ask if you are less familiar with their TOS. “Isn’t that just a fanfic archive??” No! It’s a fanWORK archive. It is an archive for fanworks in general! “Fanwork” is a broad term that encompasses a lot of things, but it doesn’t just include fanfic and fanart, vids etc; it also includes “fannish” essays and articles that fall under what’s often called “meta” (from the word for “beyond” or “above”, referencing that it goes beyond the original exact text)! The defining factor of whether Archive of Our Own is the appropriate place to post it is not whether or not it’s a fictional expansion of canon (fanfic), though that is definitely included - no, it’s literally just “is this a work by a ‘fan’ intended for other ‘fannish’ folks/of ‘fannish’ interest?” The articles we’ve written as a handy reference to the period-appropriate Japanese clothing worn by Inuyasha characters? The analyses of characters? The delineations of concrete canon (the original work) vs common “fanon” (common misconceptions within the fandom)? Even the discussion of broader cultural, historical, and geographic context that applies to the series and many potential fanworks? All of those are fannish nonfiction! Which means they absolutely can (and will) have a home on AO3, and I encourage anybody who is wanting to back up similar works of “fannish interest” - ranging from research they’ve done for a fic, to character analyses and headcanons - to use AO3 for it, because it’s a stable, smooth-running platform that is ad-free and unlike tumblr, is run by a nonprofit (The OTW) that itself is run by and for the benefit of, fellow fans. Of course, that begs the question of how to tag your work if you do cross-post it, eh? So on that note, here’s a quick run-down of tags we’re finding useful and applicable, which I’ve figured out through a combination of trial and error and actually asking a tag wrangler (shoutout to @wrangletangle for their invaluable help!): First, the Very Broad: - “ Nonfiction ”. This helps separate it from fanfic on the archive, so people who aren’t looking for anything but fanfic are less likely to have to skim past it, whereas people looking for exactly that content are more likely to find it. - while “Meta” and “Essay” and even “Information” are all sometimes used for the kinds of nonfiction and analytical works we post, I’ve been told “ Meta Essay ” is the advisable specific tag for such works. This would apply to character analyses, reference guides to canon, and even reference guides to real-world things that are reflected in the canon (such as our articles on Japanese clothing as worn by the characters). The other three tags are usable, and I’ve been using them as well to cover my bases, but they’ll also tend to bring up content such as “essay format” fanfic or fanfic with titles with those words in them - something that does not happen with “Meta Essay”.

- I’ve also found by poking around in suggested tags, that “ Fanwork Research & Reference Guides ” is consistently used (even by casual users) for: nonfiction fannish works relating to analyses of canon materials; analyses of and meta on fandom-specific or fanwork-specific tropes; information on or guides to writing real-world stuff that applies to or is reflected in specific fandoms' media (e.g. articles on period-appropriate culture-specific costuming and how to describe it); and expanded background materials for specific fans' fanworks (such as how a given AU's worldbuilding is supposed to be set up) that didn't fit within the narrative proper and is separated out as a reference for interested readers. Basically, if it's an original fan-made reference for something specific to one or more fanworks, or a research aid for writing certain things applicable to fanworks or fannish interests in general, then it can fall under that latter tag.

- You should also mark it with any appropriate fandom(s) in the “Fandom” field. Just like you would for a fanfic, because of course, the work is specifically relevant to fans of X canon, right? If it discusses sensitive topics, or particular characters, etc., you should probably tag for those. E.g. “death” or “mental illness”, “Kagome Higurashi”, etc.

Additionally, if you are backing it up from a Tumblr you may wish to add: - “ Archived From Tumblr “ and/or “ Cross-Posted From Tumblr ” to reference the original place of publication, for works originally posted to tumblr. (I advise this if only because someday, there might not be “tumblr” as we know it, and someone might be specifically looking for content that was originally on it, you never know) - “ Archived From [blog name] Blog ”; this marks it as an archived work from a specific blog. And yes, I recommend adding the word “blog” in there for clarity- Wrangletangle was actually delighted that I bothered to tag our first archived work with “Archived From Inu-Fiction Blog” because being EXTREMLY specific about things like that is super helpful to the tag wranglers on AO3, who have to decide how to categorize/”syn” (synonym) various new tags from alphabetized lists without context of the original posting right in front of them. In other words, including the name AND the word “blog” in it, helps them categorize the tag on the back end without having to spend extra time googling what the heck “[Insert Name Here]” was originally.

Overall, you should be as specific and clear as possible, but those tags/tag formats should prove useful in tagging it correctly should you choose to put fannish essays and articles up on AO3 :) Oh, and protip sidebar for those posting, especially works that are more than plain text: you can make archiving things quicker and easier for yourself, but remember to plan ahead for tumblr’s potential demise/disabling/service interruptions. The good news: You can literally copy and paste the ENTIRE text of a tumblr post from say, an “edit” window, on tumblr, straight into AO3′s Rich Text Format editor, and it will preserve pretty much all or almost all of the formatting - such as bold, italics, embedded links, etc! But the bad news: keep in mind that while AO3 allows for embedded images and it WILL transfer those embedded images with a quick copy-paste like that, AO3 itself doesn’t host the images for embedding; those are still external images. This means that whether or not they continue to load/display for users, depends entirely on whether the file is still on the original external server! As I quickly discovered, in the case of posts copied from the Edit window of a tumblr post, the images will still point to the copies of the images ON tumblr’s servers. What this means is that you should back up (save copies elsewhere of) any embedded images that you consider vital to such posts, in case you need to upload them elsewhere and fiddle with where the external image is being pulled from, later. Personally, I’m doing that AND adding image descriptions underneath them, just to be on the safe side (and in fairness, this makes it more accessible to people who cannot view the images anyway, such as sight-impaired people who use screen readers or people who have images set to not automatically display on their browser, so it’s win-win)

#signal boost #psa #archiving #fanworks #archive of our own #ao3 #the great big migration to ao3 #how to #inuyasha #how to tag

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swanslieutenant · 5 years

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the art of summoning, part 2

Notes: So.... several months later, here’s the second part of this fic. My life has been hectic since posting the last chapter of this one, but I’m happy to finally have this one up! This has ballooned (as per usual) into 3 parts, so the next one will be up when I can get it finished!

Summary: Emma has yet to master the art of summoning, but if it can help Killian rescue the fairies from the Sorcerer’s Hat, she’s going to try to her best. Though, as typical in Storybrooke, things never seem to go to plan, and a new curse sends her scrambling to find her way back to the people she loves.

Rating and Warnings: Teen.

catch up with part 1 on tumblr

Read this chapter on AO3

Alone in the brig, Emma only allows herself to wallow for a few minutes before rising to her feet, steeling herself. No matter that this is the Jolly Roger, she can’t very well stay here with a bunch of pirates who don’t know her and who she’s sure are absolutely terrified of her. Killian told her once that his crew were a superstitious lot; she has no doubt that appearing on a ship in the middle of the ocean has made many of them say a prayer to their gods for safety against whoever Emma is.

Emma grips the iron bars of the door to the cell, but they don’t budge even an inch when she rattles them. Frustrated, she attempts the poofing spell again, but when she closes her eyes, imagining herself back in the small room at Granny’s (as the only location she can really think of to go in this world), nothing happens. When she opens her eyes again, she’s still in the cell in the damp and cold depths of the ship.

She tries a couple more times, but to no avail. It appears that whatever amount of power it took to get her here in the first place is completely drained. She has no idea how far she travelled to get to this ship, but by the pure exhaustion beginning to hit her and making her feel nauseous and lightheaded, she guesses it was quite the distance. The adrenaline high she’s had since arriving back in the Enchanted Forest is starting to wear off too, leaving only that numbing exhaustion, both physically and emotionally.

Emma drops down to the floor, crossing her arms and hugging her legs close to her body. If only Killian remembered her. To see him and have her memories of their relationship, while he knows nothing about her … well, Emma wonders if this is how he felt when he showed up at her door in New York City. Hopeful, relieved, joyous – and then crushed with disappointment and heartbreak.

Perhaps she should’ve thought this whole thing a bit better. Maybe she should have sought out Regina’s help to break this curse instead of his. Not that Killian wouldn’t help her if he could, but this is Cora’s doing after all. From what Emma knows of Regina’s mother, she wanted nothing more than her daughter to be victorious, for Regina to be powerful and to rule over everyone who ‘wronged’ them. If Cora created this curse, then maybe there was some loophole that allowed Regina to retain her memories too, as Regina’s curse with Storybrooke had before.

Emma gasps suddenly and sits straight up, another jolt of adrenaline and fear rushing through her at the realization – Storybrooke, the last curse – Henry.

Oh, god, where is Henry in all this? Is he here somewhere in this cursed Enchanted Forest too? Or was he left behind in Storybrooke, alone and not knowing where his family is or what’s going on? If he’s here, where is he? Is he safe, is he out there somewhere on his own –

“Settling in?”

Emma jolts, and scrambles to her feet out of her vulnerable position on the floor, her embedded instincts of protecting herself re-appearing in an instant. She searches for the source of the voice, having recognized it already, and there, standing against the opposite wall and keeping a far distance from her, stands Hook. His face is shadowed in the darkness of the hold, his arms crossed.

“Uh, what?” Emma says blankly, not really having heard his question. Her mind is still caught up in thoughts of her son, in what has happened to him in the midst of this latest disaster.

Hook, oblivious to her thoughts, rolls his eyes, and Emma’s taken aback at the icy look he bestows upon her. She’s unused to seeing him look at her like that, not when only hours ago it was so, so different. His eyes are narrowed, his face is cold and distant, and there’s an entire lack of warmth to his stance. His usual, ever-present undercurrent of sardonic humour has evaporated in the face of the suspicious and unfriendly glare he gives her.

“I asked if you were settling in,” he repeats, voice calm and cool. “Though I should rather like to ask you what the hell you are doing here and who the hell you are.”

Emma ignores his cold tone, though it stings as if she’s been frostbitten. Instead, she grips the iron bars between them, staring at him intensely, trying to will him to remember her, to remember them.

“Emma. My name is Emma Swan.”

For a single heartbreaking moment, Emma swears she sees recognition flicker in his eyes. But as quickly as it came upon him, he’s scowling at her again, unimpressed and apprehensive.

“Swan,” he repeats, and though it’s the man she loves saying her name, as he has a thousand times, this time there’s a curled mockery to his voice that she makes her stomach turn. He surveys her up and down with cool, appraising eyes. “Unusual name for a witch.”

Emma frowns, taken aback. “I’m not a witch.”

He tilts his head at her, an eyebrow raised in question. “No? Appearing out of thin air on the deck of my ship is not the act of a witch?”

His voice is more jovial now, almost teasing, but Emma tenses. He’s doing the same thing he did above deck, a lighter tone to put her off guard. He’s obviously suspicious of her, and she can’t really blame him. As a general statement, Emma knows Killian distrusts magic. He has dark and tumultuous history with Rumplestiltskin, Regina, Cora and … well, Emma’s just never counted herself among that group.

Though her heart sinks in disappointment, Emma steels herself once again. Just because he doesn’t remember her, doesn’t mean he still can’t help her figure out how to break this curse. Killian Jones in any realm is useful, and Emma’s starting to get an idea of how he can do help her with the curse and make sure Henry is okay.

She has no idea where her son is, but since this is Cora’s curse, Emma’s wondering if maybe her son is with Regina. After all, in Cora’s eyes, Regina’s victory wouldn’t be complete without Henry by her side, right? So if he’s with her, and if Emma can get there, she can make sure he is safe and find a way for them all to make it back to Storybrooke, with Regina’s help.

It’s a gamble, but what choice does Emma have?

“I’m not going to harm you or your crew,” she says, as calmly as she can muster. “But I need your help.”

He snorts. “As you’ve said, many times. What help does a witch require of a pirate?”

She ignores the use of the word ‘witch’ and continues, “My son is missing. He’s been taken by the Evil Queen and I need help getting him back. I can’t get to her palace by myself.”

That last part is true at least; Emma doesn’t think she can manage another burst of transportation magic at this point, and while she feels slightly guilty for lying to Hook, she knows that if he could remember her, he would be more than willing to help her find Henry. And indeed, at the mention of her son, his features soften, a glimmer of the Killian she recognizes shining through.

“Ah. That is – I am sorry to hear of your boy, but I cannot help you.”

“What?” Her heart sinks. “Why not?”

He regards her silently, eyes narrowing as he scans her from head to toe. “I take it you are familiar with the Evil Queen?” he asks slowly, and Emma nods. “Then you well know that entering her territory without her permission is a death sentence. We would do no good to your boy when we’re all dead anyways.” He shakes his head, an almost imperceptible grimace of regret on his face. “I do not wish any child the presence of the Evil Queen, but I cannot help you. If that is why you sought me out, unfortunately, you’ve wasted your time. We’ll return you to the next port, and perhaps another ship can help you there –”

He begins to turn away, stepping back into the shadows of the passage towards the upper deck, and Emma grips the iron bars, wishing she could reach out and grab him instead.

“No, Killian, wait –”

But that’s the wrong thing to say. Hook whirls around, face pale now and eyes wide in honest shock. Emma backs away from the iron bars out of instinct, no desire to feel the sharp edge of his hook at her throat, as he marches back to her.

“How do you know that name?” he growls, and it’s easy to see how he gained his reputation as the fearsome Captain Hook with those black eyes directed at her, the snarl on his lip, the dark tenor to his voice.

“I – you told me,” she says, which is true but a very stupid thing to say.

“You’re a liar,” he whispers, his voice low and dangerous. “The only people who know that name are either up on my deck or have been dead for centuries.”

Emma’s throat dries up. He’s right, and she doesn’t know what to say that he’ll believe, not that she’d have a good excuse for why she’d know it in this cursed realm anyways.

“I – uh –” Then she pauses. An idea is forming … it’s not the wisest choice, it may get her into more trouble, it really isn’t the best idea but – what choice does she have? She takes a deep breath and says, “The truth is … I know who you are because I know who you’re after – Rumplestiltskin.”

Hook gapes at her, and if he had looked taken aback at her saying his name before, its nothing like his shock now. Usually one never at a loss for words, now he is, totally flabbergasted and bewildered.

“You – the crocodile?” He shakes his head, as if trying to make sure he heard her right. “You – are you working with him? What do you want? Who are you?”

“I’m not working with him,” Emma says vehemently, interrupting his stream of questioning, his voice having risen with anger with each accusation. “I would never work with Gol – the Dark One. How I know him … well, that doesn’t matter – listen, please. I’m telling you the truth. I need your help.”

Hook isn’t listening to her. He’s started pacing the small corridor opposite her cell, his hand absently playing with the brace of the hook strapped tightly to his wrist, and he demands of her, “Where is he? Where is the Dark One?”

At that, Emma hesitates. Rumple was sent out of Storybrooke by Belle several weeks ago, and no one has heard a thing from him since. She has no idea if this new curse had enough strength to drag him back to the Enchanted Forest from an unmagical land, and even if it did, she has no idea where he’d have ended up here.

The truth seems like a viable option at this point, with a furious Captain Hook glaring at her, and she nearly confesses that she has no idea.

But she changes her mind at the last moment. She has very little power here, in the cell of the Jolly Roger when its captain doesn’t know who she is, but she does have some leverage. Clearly this cursed version of Hook is still desperately after Rumplestiltskin, and if he thinks she can help him get to him … well, then maybe he’ll help her in return.

After all, once they get to Regina in the first place and break this curse, then it won’t matter that she doesn’t know where Rumple is.

It’s an awful feeling to know she’s going to lie and manipulate this Killian, but she’s not sure what else to do. She has no power other than this, as far as she can tell, and if he remembered her, he’d be absolutely willing to help her. She could try telling him about this curse in the first place, but she figures that telling him, this suspicious version of Captain Hook, that she accidently released a magical curse to send them all back here from another world won’t endear him to her cause.

She straightens her back, and swallows down the guilt and unease. “I know where he is, but I need your help first.”

Hook stops his pacing at that. For a moment, he looks slightly impressed before his lips curl into a cold smirk. It’s a cold smile that Emma’s seen him give to many other people before, but never directed to her.

She hates it.

He chuckles once, a sound that send shivers down Emma’s back, and he shakes his head, his expression grudgingly impressed.

“Ah, I see. Well played, Mistress Swan.”

Emma curls her hands into fists at her side, hating the swoop of guilt in her stomach, but there’s no backing down now. “You help me, I’ll help you. If you help me rescue my son, I’ll take you to Rumplestiltskin.”

Hook stares back at her, eyes narrowed in contemplation and his expression stony. Then he smiles again, that same cold smile. He steps forward and extends his hand through the bars, the rings adorning his fingers glinting in the faint light.

“Then we have an accord.”

Emma steps forward tentatively and grips his hand with her own. She knows her Killian, knows him even as Captain Hook in the depths of his revenge, but as she shakes this version of Killian’s hand, his eyes unreadable and hard, she can’t help but wonder who exactly she’s made this deal with.

xxxx

After Hook leaves her alone again, Emma spends a few hours of total boredom and frustration in the brig. It’s cold and damp, with a terrible smell, and there’s no place to sit that doesn’t get drenched in seawater as the ship cuts through the waves outside. She can hear rats scurrying about around her, searching for scraps and crumbs, even nibbling at her shoes at one point. When she gets back to Storybrooke, she’s going to fix this brig up into some sort of respectable holding cell, or at least one without rats or leaky floorboards.

The rickety boards outside the cell creak then, and Emma looks up sharply. Its Hook again, stepping out of the shadows, his expression unreadable. Emma tenses, watching him closely, but he merely approaches the door, unlocking it with a thin key, and he gestures her out of the cell.

“This is no place for a lady to sleep. Follow me.”

A bit taken aback, Emma scrambles to her feet and trails after Hook as he leads her through the depths of the ship, down the narrow corridor that leads to his own cabin. That he is taking her there surprises her again – she knows this version of Hook doesn’t trust her as far as he can throw her, and yet he still has brought her here to his own quarters?

The interior of the cabin looks the same as it always does: the single bed in the corner, the oak table in the middle of the room, the walls lined with bookshelves. From the porthole and windows facing outside, Emma sees that it is sunset already, the fading sun casting a low glow of amber light into the small cabin. A folded set of clothes sit on the table, and Hook picks them up to give to her.

“Dry clothes.”

“Thanks,” she replies, unfolding the clothing to look at it. It’s one of Hook’s own black shirts, and a cloth pair of trousers, and her heart twinges. “These – these are just what I need.”

He inclines his head at her, still distantly polite. “You must be hungry. I’ll fetch you something to eat.”

He disappears back out into the corridor, and when she’s alone, Emma strips out of her soaked jeans and thin shirt into the fresh clothes, tossing her leather jacket over the back of one of the chairs. The new clothes smell strongly like Killian, and the familiar scent makes her heart pang once again.

Though the clothes are clean and dry, her time in the brig has left her with a chill. Emma moves to the bed in the corner of the room, settling down on it as she usually does. She’s only been seated for a few minutes before Hook returns, a plate with a block of cheese, a loaf of bread and a pear on it. He skids to a stop in the doorway, an eyebrow raising at the sight of her.

“You’ve certainly made yourself at home.”

Emma tenses. She’d sat on his bed out of habit, and she gets to her feet, moving quickly away to the other side of the room. “Sorry, I just –”

“It’s fine, love,” he replies stiffly, placing the plate on the table. “As I said, the brig is no place for you to sleep.”

“Thanks –” Emma starts, but Hook is already backing away from her.

“Goodnight, Mistress Swan. Sleep well.”

And, with that, he’s gone, closing the door firmly behind him, his footsteps loud and echoing as he marches away.

Emma stares at the closed door, a swoosh of loneliness overcoming her. Here she is, in Hook’s cabin, on a ship where he doesn’t know her, where she’s nothing but a fugitive in a world where no one else knows her either. The exhaustion from the day, from the spell that drained her magic, truly starts to hit her now.

She returns to the bed, and trying her best to ignore the longing ache in her chest, Emma pulls the covers high, breathing in the familiar scent of the sheets and blankets, and falls asleep.

xxxx

The next days are amongst the strangest in Hook’s life. The witch – Emma, he reminds himself sternly – has been aboard his ship for only a handful of days, but she might as well have been here her entire life.

He had expected her to sequester herself in his cabin, wary of the suspicious pirates, but instead she’s been on deck most of the time, walking around the ship as if she owns it. The crew keep their distance from her, satisfied with their captain’s explanation that she has information of value in the hunt for Rumplestiltskin but with no desire to spend more time than necessary with her. After all, to them, they view her as nothing more than the witch who had appeared on their ship out of nowhere.

Emma seems unbothered by this, and she spends most of her time with him instead, apparently unafraid of either the hook at the end of his wrist or his reputation that sent her here in the first place.

At first, he’d been surprised by that, but that soon became the least of the surprises. To add to the unexpected behaviour, Emma treats him with her own sense of informality and familiarity that compounds his sensibilities. He’d first noticed it the day she arrived, when she’d settled herself in his bed like she belonged there, and then again when she began marching around the ship as if she’d done it a thousand times before.

She’ll say things out of the blue that catch him so off guard it makes him pause and wonder how the hell she could know that or a teasing comment that only someone who knows him well would dare to say. Other times he catches her staring at him, a strange expression on her face, that she quickly tries to mask.

He thinks he may be losing his mind. In fact, he’s certain of it as, the more time he spends with her, the more familiar she seems to be to him. He knows he’s never met her before – he would remember that face, he’s sure – but there’s something strangely familiar about her, something magnetic that draws him in and makes him doubt his own mind.

Every time he is around her, his skin prickles with a sense of déjà vu. A knowing smirk, a teasing lilt to her voice, a warm hand on his arm – all things that feel intimately familiar, as if he’s experienced it all and more. A strange vision of seeing her blonde hair whip in the wind on this ship before, of seeing her seated casually at his dining table in his quarters, of hearing the sound of her laugh before. It’s maddeningly frustrating, and try as he might, he cannot place where he may have met her before.

One night, after a fruitless attempt to sleep amongst the snores of the crew in their hammocks and quarters, Hook stands on the deck in the middle of the night, his mind troubled. Tonight, not only is his mind twisted with thoughts of Emma and wondering who she really is, he also can’t seem to shake the fact that she knows the Dark One.

Could that be why she knows so much about him, why she seems familiar? Perhaps that is why he feels like he has known her before, maybe in one of his many schemes to find the Dark One, he has met her before.

Truly, he thinks, he must be losing his mind.

All he knows is that ever since Emma said his name, since she vowed to help him find the Dark One in exchange for her son, his mind has been as turbulent as the rough seas. The promise of finally finding the Dark One is like dangling a carrot in front of a hungry horse, or (more appropriate to his case) throwing a life raft to a drowning man. The final key to the quest that has haunted him for centuries, the end goal to all his suffering and misery.

Though he’s cautious about getting his hopes up; he’s been burned too many times before. How can he trust the word of this woman, who knows his true name, who claims to have learned it from the Dark One? Perhaps she’s a former apprentice of the Dark One, bitter and spurned by an inevitable betrayal, willing to betray her former master to Hook in a version of her own revenge? Or perhaps an equally powerful witch who wants one up on the Dark One for whatever offence he caused her? Or maybe he’s the one who sent her son away to the Evil Queen, and now this is Emma’s revenge for that instead?

If attempting to save her son from the Evil Queen doesn’t kill him, he’s starting to think the madness of trying to sort out just who exactly this Emma Swan is may do it instead.

And then, as if summoned by his thoughts, the hatch leading down to belowdecks opens and a figure emerges onto the dark deck. Emma, wrapped in the blanket from his bed, straightens, a silhouetted shadow illuminated by the lantern in her hand against the darkness of the deck, and Hook can’t help let a chuckle escape.

Of course, she’s here now too.

He clears his throat to get her attention, and she starts, whirling around dramatically. She relaxes when she realizes it’s him, and heads towards him.

“You’re up late,” she calls out, joining him on the upper deck. She sets the lantern down, casting an amber light around them, and she leans against the railing beside him, their arms brushing.

“Could say the same about you,” he replies, pulling away from her slightly if only to clear his own mind. Just another example of her informality to add to his list …

Emma doesn’t seem to notice, shrugging as she pulls the blanket around herself tighter. “Can’t sleep,” she says simply.

He nods absently, thinking back to his own pointless tossing and turning. “I know how you feel.”

She casts him a knowing look. “I bet you do.”

Another one of her strange comments. He frowns, and they lapse into silence then for a long while, the glimmering lantern light flickering with the rocking of the ship against the waves.

From the corner of his eye, he watches her. She’s stoic, her brow pinched in a frown, and is gazing down at the dark ocean with an unreadable expression.

He’s curious about her, about this witch who knows Rumplestiltskin and has a child kidnapped by the Evil Queen. She’s nothing like he thought she would be when he first talked with her in the cell, where he saw only the powerful witch who knew too much and demanded too much. Against his better instincts, he wants to know more about her and her past. He nearly begins to question her, but then changes his mind.

Now, looking at her in the glow of the lantern, he knows it’s not the time. Instead of the powerful witch who may be connected to some of the darkest figures of magic, right now, she looks like nothing more than a tired and stressed mother.

“Worried about your son?” he asks gently.

Emma sighs, and nods. “I hope he’s okay. He – he’s only a kid. He doesn’t deserve all this crap that keeps happening to him.”

“What did happen? I mean, how did he come to be taken?”

Emma tenses. “Uh, it’s complicated. I – uh … well, I suppose it’s my fault, really.”

He frowns, not expecting that answer. “How so?”

“I – well, I guess I cast a spell that got him into this situation. I didn’t mean to,” she adds, a touch of defensiveness rising to her voice at Hook’s raised eyebrow. “I – I can’t always control my magic. I was looking at something, and it turns out it was – it was some sort of spell, and it caused this whole mess.”

He frowns. She’s speaking out of the side of her mouth, vague enough that Hook has no idea what she’s really talking about. But he decides against questioning her – as long as she keeps her end of the bargain after they rescue her son, she can keep her secrets. Whatever she did, it’s apparent she’s torturing herself over it.

“It sounds like it was an accident,” Hook murmurs, and Emma glances over to him. “I’m sure your son will understand.”

She regards him quietly, her eyes unreadable and dark in the dim light. “I hope so,” she says, after a long while of silence. “I hope everyone I … affected with this spell will forgive me.”

She says it meaningfully, as if there’s some message within her words, but again, Hook frowns, confused. She smiles sadly, and shakes her head briefly, pulling away from the railing. She pats his arm, and tugs the blanket tighter around herself once more.

“Goodnight, Hook.”

“Goodnight, Emma.”

He watches her retreat to the cabin belowdecks, the lantern light winking out as the hatch door shuts, leaving him in the dark of the night, now more confused than ever.

xxxx

Several days later, after another few days of confusion and madness, the ship turns from the open waters and towards a small seaside town, emerging slowly from the morning fog coating the shoreline. With another four days of sailing to get to the Evil Queen’s fortress, they need more supplies to make it there.

Hook joins the crew in securing the sails as they get closer to the small town. They’re about to make port when Emma emerges from below deck, dressed hastily and haphazardly. She hurries towards him, her hands dropping to her hips as she approaches, and Hook is struck by the sight of her, emerging from his cabin in his black shirt, hair a mess.

“We’re stopping?”

He looks back to the rope he was tying, and focuses firmly on it instead of her. “Aye. We need more supplies before we continue on into the Queen’s territory.” He chances a glance back to her, and can’t help but grin teasingly. “Another mouth to feed drains our supplies quicker, you know.”

Emma rolls her eyes, though her mouth ticks up in half a smile. “How long will you be gone?”

“A few hours at most.” He finishes tying the rope, and straightens, wiping at the sweat on his brow. Emma looks tense, rubbing absently at her arms, and he adds, more gently, “I know you’re anxious for your son, but we do have to stop and replenish our supplies.”

She remains troubled, but nods in understanding. “Okay.”

She moves to leave, but Hook steps forward, blocking her path and grasping her forearm, brow furrowing. “You’re not a prisoner, love. You can come too.” He pauses, considering, and then adds, “I won’t leave without you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

She hesitates, glancing out to the approaching town, emerging from the fog to be a small cluster of thatched roof buildings and fishing boats. Something crosses over her expression, her brow furrowing briefly in worry, before she shakes her head.

“No, I know you won’t leave. But I’m going to stay here.”

Hook wants to press her for more information, wondering what has made her worried, but instead he nods, releasing her forearm and stepping back.

“As you wish.”

Emma smiles strangely at that, and quickly excuses herself from his presence. He loses track of her in the business of making port, and when they are docked and secured, Hook leads the majority of the crew down the rickety docks into the quaint town square, while several of the crew remain behind to watch the ship. He has stopped here at this village before – a small town on the outskirts of the kingdom – and while the people here may have no love for pirates, they do have love for what Hook brings with him: gold, and plenty of it.

The crew disperse into the nooks and crannies of the town, off to fetch new supplies of fresh water and food, while Hook wanders further into the village. His stomach growls as he passes by a bakery, but he forges on. He’s on a mission – after seeing Emma, tousled hair and dressed in his clothing, he’s decided she needs some of her own clothing.

The last thing he needs is something else adding to his growing confusion and disconcertment regarding her.

At the end of the lane is a small seamstress shop, small but stuffed with swarths of fabric and ribbons. A small bell tinkles over the entrance as the door swings open, and the woman behind the counter straightens when Hook enters, her eyes widening in surprise.

“Can – can I help you?”

“Yes,” he says, briskly, and requests her to bring some of her pre-made garments out for him to look at. There only a handful; most requiring accurate measurements from the individual in question to be sewn, and he frowns, considering them.

“For your lady, sir?” the woman asks innocently, and Hook glances sharply to her.

“Uh,” he starts, and then decides to just go with it, because explaining that no, actually, this clothing is for the witch who appeared on his ship and promised to take him to an immortal demon, is something he’d rather not do. “Yes.”

He chooses two of the dresses, one beige and one maroon, as well as a pair of soft cowhide pants and a white blouse. They look to be Emma’s size, or at least something she can made do with so he pays the woman and leaves with the clothing bundled under his arm.

As he’s strolling back down the lane, whistling to himself absently, a large pin-board near a cluster of taverns draws his attention, cluttered with flyers and posters. Habit draws him closer; sometimes there are bounties posted here, for pirates like himself, and he always likes to check in on these, to get a sense of what law enforcement is onto him.

This time, however, it’s not a bounty that catches his eye. In the centre of the board is a large WANTED poster, and he stops dead in his tracks, gaping. The blood drains from his face, as he stares back at the WANTED poster, at the very face of the same woman aboard his ship right now.

#captain swan #ouat #cs ff #now up to 3 parts!#fic: the art of summoning

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magnoliasinbloom · 6 years

Text

Let me get personal for a second or two.

I was feeling like shit and I came on tumblr and was immediately laughing at a Pride and Prejudice post, and feeling better. So thank you for that.

The reason I’m feeling shitty… most of you know of my upcoming surgery. Here’s the reason for my surgery: I’m having a hysterectomy. Buckle up, this is a long ride…

I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids (myomas) 2 years ago, when I came back from my honeymoon. I had to stop taking birth control pills bc they were messing with my hormones—my body straight up started rejecting them. So we were super careful about protection, since a baby wasn’t in our plans. I already have a daughter from a previous relationship, but we wanted to wait and see if we wanted chlidren together. This is something that we agreed upon since we started dating years ago, before we married. I’ve always been vocal about the fact that I didn’t want any more children. I knew I didn’t want any more children, but if my husband (let’s call him RAS) wanted one, I would do it for him. This was always our understanding.

We agreed to table the discussion for our first anniversary. It rolled around, turns out we are on the same page about not having kids, so cool. The myomas were still in there, and then they started wreaking havoc on my uterus. There’s 4 of the little fuckers in there, two inside, two outside. One of the inside guests has currently grown to the size of a lime (about 3 cm across). Fun part, it’s embedded halfway in my endometrium, which for the past year has been causing irregular periods that sometimes last 2 weeks, heavy bleeding (so heavy for the first few days that I actually wear an adult diaper to bed) and change my pad AND tampon every 2 hours. Cramps, migraines, anemia, vertigo, you name it. The doctor recommends a myomectomy (get the fuckers out, right?).

Now, since we don’t want children, the myomas have an 80% chance of coming back even if they take them out, and what if they are not benign next time and I get cancer? Every procedure is like a C-section—they can’t go in vaginally bc they risk puncturing my uterus and sepsis. So I ask my gyno about a hysterectomy. Just leave my ovaries in there so I don’t go into menopause right away (I’m 35). He fully agrees, if that’s what I want—which was a relief bc I’ve heard all the stories about doctors who “know best” and ignore their patients’ wishes, right. I ask him what I should do, and he refuses to answer, bc rightfully so, it’s totally up to me. He only says that a hysterectomy, based on my case, would be absolutely medically justified and as though sensing what’s coming, he also tells me that no one would be in any position to judge me. Well, they sure as hell are trying.

I’ve been enduring comments for a while now, when I openly state I don’t want children. That WE don’t want children. Well-meaning friends and acquaintances even, all say that I will change my mind, that I had a bad previous experience so it’s only natural, but that I should have another child, that I’m still young, what about my husband, why am I being selfish, what about our parents bc they want more grandchildren (or in RAS‘s case, their first). As though my daughter doesn’t already count as their grandkid, but go off, I guess.

Basically, people saying that I don’t know my own mind, my own body, my own desires. People trying to take away my bodily autonomy, my agency. Just today, my mom made certain comments, all about people who desperately want kids but can’t have them. Every time I say, “I’m so sorry to hear that, I wish them all the best and hope they achieve their dream of having children.” What else can I say? Her argument here is that there’s ppl who can’t have kids, and here YOU are not wanting any. I tell her it’s the equivalent of saying, “Eat everything on your plate, there’s children in Africa who are starving.” I’m not sending them my leftover food, just as I’m not giving away any babies I could potentially have to these infertile couples.

My MIL, whom I adore, today tried to guilt-trip A into talking me out of the surgery. The surgery that’s happening in like 5 days. She never said anything to me, and she’s actually been pretty supportive, but I guess this is her last-ditch effort before I lose the ability to bear children. Her grandchildren. That hurt, bc up until now I knew how she felt, but she seemed to understand it was totally A’s and my decision. Which it is. Only ours.

I cried while RAS told me this—he didn’t tell me to make me feel bad, but bc now he’s also getting the comments. I cried while I told him what my own mother had said today. He knows about all the other comments ppl have made over the years. But now he understands a little better. I just realized, that bc I’m the woman, it’s my body, and I’m making this monumental decision, I will always be seen as the bad guy in this scenario—because I refused to have children to please others, to conform to society, to do what was expected of me. RAS has seen me suffer every month, in pain, anxiety attacks, and he just wants me to be happy and healthy. We’re in a good place right now, financially stable, giving OUR DAUGHTER a good life, and all the attention she deserves, and this is how we want to remain. And of course, first and foremost, it’s my fucking HEALTH we’re talking about.

I realized, ppl can talk, to my face, but most likely it happens behind my back, and still—I’m making a personal, conscious choice, and nobody has the right to question it.

Thank you all for your support; I just really needed to get this off my chest and this is my safe space. If you made it this far, know that whatever choice you make for you, for your well-being (physical or emotional), for your health—I support you. Live your best life.

#personal

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rantingchoices · 7 years

Text

Racism in fandom

I’ve had this is my drafts for a long time now. This is something I’ve been really dragging my feet on posting because honestly real life is absolute shit when it comes to this and I come on tumblr/fandom/stories/media to escape for a little while, but since it appears we are at that moment I feel it’s important for me to say.

A little on my background. I’m a WOC, Latina specifically and as some know there is a lot of racism in our community. From what I’ve read this is a problem in a lot of minority communities too so I grew up in a systematically racist society and thrown on that was stuff from my own community. Now this wasn’t racism on the level of violence or slurs. It was more subtle, but intensely embedded into our life.

I remember as a child being jealous of my best friend because her skin was white and mine was brown. I remember wearing sweaters in the summer so I wouldn’t get darker. I remember scrubbing at my skin raw in the shower and crying. All of these things before I was 10 years old. Two years ago during a Christmas trip my grandmother told me I wasn’t as pretty as my sister only because she was lighter than me. It was not said with any ill intention, simply as a fact.

Now I don't assume people are racist. If I go on someone's profile and see they have all white LI's I don't automatically think they are racist. Do I have a passing thought? Does it make me uncomfortable? Given the state of the the usa at the moment, given what I’ve seen in fandom in my over a decade of being in it, and given that I’ve seen slurs being thrown at Sean three times specifically in this fandom now, sometimes it does. I think there was a post that conveyed it well and it got some pushback, but honestly yes that is my reaction sometimes when I see a profile with all white LI's. An uncomfortable laugh because is this person the type that makes me uncomfortable in my day to day life? Is this the anon who was sending slurs?

However, would I ever send hate based on this one thought? Of course NOT. I will never support anon hate and in any case I feel those who send it are mostly trolls trying to stir up things.

I don’t want people to feel bad for stanning their love interest whoever that may be, they shouldn’t. When people make these posts I think a lot of the time they are trying to find solidarity, not in tearing people down, but in recognizing that there is a greater problem in media/society. EDIT: As I said before this has been in my drafts for a while and since writing it, I have seen people take things too far. I do not support a white liam hate blog, even though I feel general character hate blogs are fine(I wouldn’t do them, but that’s what block is for) that one is going too far in my opinion.

I’m not white, but I am privileged in another way. I am straight. Tumblr makes a lot of jokes about “straights”, “Heteros” and more things like “The Straights are at it again” when something problematic happens in a show usually. In fact I saw a post that has been going around a lot something like ‘gay culture is head canons of characters you don’t like as straight’. I’m not saying it can’t sting for a second, but then I take a step back and think about the world we live in and I don’t take offense to any of it.

I have never felt attacked or shamed for being straight despite seeing more of these posts than I can count, because I KNOW they aren’t attacking me or my sexuality. They are against a society that has and continues to dismiss and ridicule and take away their basic human rights. They feel a solidarity in these posts in one of the few places that allows it. I have no problem supporting that because I know straight people-I know I hold a privilege in everyday life they do not. I do not have to worry if I want to hold my boyfriend’s hand in public, I don’t have to think if it’s safe enough to kiss him. I do not have to live in a world where people assume my sexuality wrong and who might not even listen if I correct them. I am not hated for my sexuality. I cannot understand these struggles. All I can do is try to understand as best I can, learn, listen, and offer my support.

Now I have always considered myself liberal so of course I thought since I was liberal and a minority I couldn’t behave racist. I have always supported and voted for equality. Of course I never thought anything bad against any race, but one day years ago my friend asked me an innocent question. Why did I never have any crushes on black men? I always considered it a preference of mine, for the most part I liked white men. There were many things I told myself. I harbored no ill will towards any race being the prominent one and I believed in equality. Still it bugged me in the back of my mind. Her question remained.

I made a conscious choice to analyze myself whenever I found myself in a situation. Why was I making the choices I was? I read and informed myself about the issues facing black Americans and minorities in general. It wasn’t as easy as I was suddenly not behaving racist, it was gradual, it’s not something you can force overnight. It honestly felt like I had been blindfolded and was finally starting to see for the first time. That pale skin that was always so lovingly described in the novels I read, the movies that propped up even the most basic white man as idealized.

I'm not saying white people aren't attractive or don't deserve to be stanned(I mean I stan Chris Evans myself soo), but I wasn't, media wasn't-isn’t, being fair to POC. Society is definitely a beast of a force and so many people aren’t even aware enough to ask the question. Because racism is embed into society we have to actively fight against it. It doesn’t make you a bad person by itself, but you have to recognize it.

I give a lot of benefit to people because Choices is a liberal game, so I assume if you like to play it you're already baseline a decent person? If every single one of your love interests are white I don't assume you are racist, but if I don't know you then it might make me uncomfortable. Again I'm NOT going to send you any hate, because that is never an option.

I actually DO think it's possible that it just so happened to line up perfectly that all the men that impressed you happened to be white, that it didn't have anything to do with racism. That you would stan them even if they were brown or black. I think it's possible, but do I think that it's possible for as many times as I've seen it in this fandom? Honestly no I don't, again though I'm not going to assume it's you who is racist. I have more things to worry about in real life and I don't need that added burden. I do think it's an important and personal question to ask yourself though. In the privacy of your own thoughts with no judgement. I've been through it and I'm grateful that my friend asked me.

So now I ask you, why don’t you find men from another race as attractive? Do you lean towards white men? And for the ones you do like do you gush or provide as much excitement as those who are white? I don't want anyone to take this as an attack or trying to shame you or saying you have to be 50/50 or something weird like that. This goes beyond Choices. If you truly aren't then there is nothing to feel bad about and I’m sorry if I did that. It's definitely not my intention. I just want to ask the question like someone did for me many years ago. I can’t know if you are racist in this subtle way, only you can truly know the answer and if it makes you uncomfortable maybe it’s time to take a closer look.

#playchoices #play choices #choices stories you play #endless summer #tw racism #fandom racism #internalized racism #a warning if you are going to use slurs I will block you #you can block anons too so that won't save you #also reverse racism doesn't exist please stop #what you're looking for is prejudice #people can be prejudice against white people but they can't be racist

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lobsterdex · 8 years

Note

Kent trying to come out subtlety but heteronormativity gets in the way. He is continually frustrated and keeps getting less subtle each time.(Maybe Jack joins in and they compete to see who the media notices first?)

this got kind of out of hand which is why it took me 200 years to publish it?? it is also arguably the worst thing i’ve ever written and i love it. not exactly what u requested by enjoy :)

Kent is lying on his side on the couch with his head inJeff’s lap.

Jeff is watching Sports Center, and Kent is mostly justspacing out. It’s warm and comfortable, and he feels safe, and the backgroundnoise of the TV and Jeff’s hand carding through his hair is lulling him tosleep.

“Should we?” Jeff says.

“Should we what,” Kent mumbles.

“Come out.”

Kent’s eyes snap open, and the analysists are talking toeach other with Jack’s picture in the corner of the screen. Ah.

Jeff’s hand stills. “We don’t have to, I don’t know. I don’tknow why I said that. I just. Maybe it would be better if it wasn’t just him,y’know?”

Kent lets his eyes fall close. “Yeah.” The same idea hasbeen rolling around his head for the past few weeks, since Jack and Bitty cameout quietly via Jack’s Instagram. The entire Falcs organization and fan base isbehind him, as they fucking should be, considering he’s the reason they’ve madethe playoffs the last three years. And yeah, one player is not the team, Kentknows the spiel. He is the spiel. Butso is Jack. A single player isn’t an entire team, but one of Jack’s calibermakes a world of difference. It changes the dynamic and can turn the wholething around if the rest of the team clicks.

So they can’t really tear down his game. They can’t play the“he’s doing badly because he’s gay” angle, because Jack has a seven game pointstreak. No one is really saying anything outright, but they’re stilluncomfortable.

It would be the same way if he came out. They can’t say hissexuality ruined his game, because he’s been gay since the draft. He was gaywhen he was born, he was gay in juniors, he was gay when he won the Calder, hewas gay when he won the cup the first time, he was still gay when he lifted itthe second time. If anything, he could argue it made him better.

He’s safe in the knowledge that he won’t get traded or sentdown to the minors. He doubts he’ll lose much of his fan base, and most of theteam knows already anyways.

It’s always been something he thought would never be anoption, so he never let himself think about it too much. But now, he realizesthere really isn’t much to lose.

“Do you want to?” he says.

“If we did, I’d be okay with it,” Jeff says quietly.

Kent rolls onto his back and smiles softly up at him. “Iguess we should, then.”

Kent doesn’t want it to be a big deal.

It is a big deal, but he doesn’t want to hold a pressconference or make a speech.

He and Jeff sit in one of the conference rooms with the PRpeople and the GMs and the coaches. They’re in there for an hour and a half,and everyone just decides it would be best to do it via Instagram, which theydefinitely didn’t that long of a meeting to decide, but whatever. Kent isn’tthe boss here.

Kent chooses a picture of the two of them and gets PR’sapproval. He captions it with the red heart emoji, and then it’s done. There’sno going back now.

Apparently, it wasn’t a big enough deal.

They’re all sitting in the damn conference room again, and someonefrom PR is summarizing it for them. It’s not a lot to summarize. Deadspin ranan article about their bromance, and some tumblr blogs started speculating andpulled out receipts, but nothing legitimate enough to publicly confirm it.

“I don’t think any of us want to sit here for another hour,so how about Jeff posts a picture and we cross our fingers and call it a day?”Alex from PR says, clapping her hands together at the head of the table.

“Sure,” Jeff says. Kent nods in agreement, and they break.

It’s still not a big enough deal.

It’s progress, though, if you count a Deadspin articlespeculating about whether or not there’s a romantic nature to their bromanceprogress. Jeff reads it aloud to Kent in bed.

“So I guess we should go fuck in the Bellagio,” Jeff says,and Kent snorts.

“Nah, then the headline would just be, ‘Two bros arrestedfor wrestling naked in the Fountains of Bellagio.’”

Jeff laughs so hard Kit falls off the end of the bed andbolts out the door.

Kent doesn’t know why they’re all still bothering with theconference room; it’s just him, Jeff, Alex and some other guy from PR, and Tag,who is mostly here for “moral support,” because he thinks this is all hilariousand has nothing better to do.

Alex asks them about a press conference for the hell of it,and doesn’t seem surprised when they immediately veto it.

She flips through a few pages in her notebook, then sighsand looks up at them. “You just want to keep trying Instagram and hope someonecatches on?”

Kent looks at Jeff, who just shrugs. “Yeah. Should I captionit with two hearts?”

Alex rolls her eyes. “Whatever you want, just run it by mefirst.”

“We could do a date night or something,” Jeff suggests.

“That would work,” Alex says.

It doesn’t work.

They go out to dinner, and it’s been decided that Kentshould do most of the posting because he has more followers and a biggeroverall fan base. “More eyes are on him” were Alex’s exact words, but they allknew what she meant.

So Kent posts a picture of Jeff sitting across from him, fancyrestaurant with white and gold trim and potted plants everywhere, candles andglasses of wine on the table, more silverware than Kent knows what to do with,the whole nine yards.

He captions it “Date Night” with the red heart emoji, andthen he puts his phone in airplane mode and has dinner with his boyfriend.

It’s still not enough, and Kent is starting to seriouslyconsider Jeff’s plan to fuck in the Bellagio.

Alex would kill him. He would have to get his affairs inorder and write his will and whatnot if they have to resort to that. He alsodoesn’t really want to do that to his mother, but least they have a plan Z.

They all meet up in the conference room and Alex sighs andstarts a group chat with the three of them and tells them to keep trying and torun anything they come up with by her. Kent makes them all put their hands inthe middle and do a countdown and break.

“Say ‘gay’ on three!” he says, and it gets a smile out ofAlex. They break, and then Tag walks them out to their cars rambling about howridiculous the whole thing is. The media loves the gay scandals, and yet hereare Kent and Jeff giving them the second big gay story of the year, and theyjust keep saying bromance.

“If I hear the word bromance one more time, I’m skating intoour next game naked with a pride flag,” Jeff says.

“If I see the word bromance in one more headline, we’refucking in the Bellagio,” Kent says, and Tag groans and says, “gross,” but he’sa little shit who once hung up mistletoe all over Kent’s apartment, so Kentfeels zero remorse.

Jeff posts a picture of Kent sitting on the couch with Kitin his pajamas, grinning lazily at the camera.

It’s captioned “the Boyf.”

The next day, there’s another Deadspin article about theirbromance, and Kent texts Alex asking if she’s sure about the Bellagio plan.

Her response is an immediate “absolutely not,” followed by“this is fucking ridiculous” and “keep trying.”

He’s in a groupchat with Jeff, Jack, Bitty, and thePoindexter kid called “gays of the nhl.”

Bitty keeps sending screenshots of Kent and Jeff’s Instagramposts with obscene emoji combinations. He also leaves Kent a two minutevoicemail of him laughing his way to wheezing because they’re being so goddamnobvious but the whole world has decided to stay in denial.

Poindexter: Lolghost asked if you guys were dating

You:really??

You:finally

You:what did u say

Poindexter: Isaid yeah and then he said “why the fuck is no one talking about this”

Bitty: HONESTLY

Jeff: Would youguys still love us if we came out by fucking in the Bellagio

Poindexter: Thewhat

You:the fountains

Poindexter: Ohthat

Poindexter: Yeahdo it

Bitty: I mean youcan afford the public indecency charges……………so I don’t see any reason not to

Jack: Bitty has apoint

Jack: We’d stilllove you

You:perfect let’s do it

Bitty: haha “doit”

You:fuck u bits

Bitty: ;))

You:ur not funny

Poindexter: Sexpuns are always funny

Jeff: ^^

You:et tu???????????

In their next game, Kent breaks the tie with a minute left,and Jeff and Tag crash into him, yelling. He and Jeff are nose to nose,grinning, and Kent decides fuck it, what does it matter anyways, at this point,and kisses him on the mouth.

It isn’t a long or intense kiss, because Tag is screaming intheir ears and Brennan crashes into them a few seconds later. The only personwho brings it up is one of the regular beat reporters who asks him about thegoal and says, “dramatic celly” with a wink. And also Tag, who laughs at themfor about five straight minutes once all the reporters leave.

The next morning, Alex texts them a link to yet anotherarticle about their bromance. The embedded picture isn’t even of them kissing,it’s just of them nose to nose, hugging and grinning.

Alex: I give up

Alex: Which meansyou still CANNOT try the Bellagio plan, but I don’t have any other ideas thatwouldn’t require a presser or a big publicity thing.

Jeff: So what now

You:I have an idea

You:But like I’m not sureif it’s possible or legal

Jeff: ????? U nevertold me???

You:You’re literallysitting right next to me

Alex: That isn’treassuring, but what is it?

It’s the first time in years that Alex approves one of hisideas. Granted, they’ve gotten more ridiculous with time as he needs less real helpwith PR, but still.

She says she’ll make some calls, pull some strings.

Jeff is shaking his head. “I hate you.”

Kent is grinning. “It’ll be fun.”

Poindexter: Kentyou’re the worst person in the world

Poindexter: Youreally did this

Poindexter: I can’tfucking believe

You::)

Bitty: ???

Poindexter: https://www.buzzfeed.com/norbertobriceno/ten-times-kent-parson-came-out?utm_term=. xmRKnqDZV #.garlzmkkr

Bitty: HSHDGGDHSHFGGF

Bitty: YOUG FUCKIN G DIDN’T WHO ARE YOU

Jack: They let you write it yourself?

You:yeah isn’tit great

Jeff: Lol yeah sure whatever helps u sleep at night babe

Jack: I honestly wish I was more surprised by this

Jack: I would’ve never come up with it on my own but now that it’shappened it’s more like “oh yeah fucking of course” instead of “wow I can’tbelieve this”

You:awthanks jackie boy

You:youare my oldest friend after all

Jeff: It’s a really stupid article but at least we got to point outall the stuff no one noticed

Jeff: That part was fun

Bitty: “I can see how the first one or two could be taken as a joke,but date night? The Boyf? Really?” this is the best thing I’ve ever seen thereare actual tears in my eyes

Poindexter: Iconic

You: thanksboys i try

#i'll probably beta this and put it on ao3 bc why not #and idk if the texting part makes sense #the 'You' is supposed to be kent bc it's his perspective even tho it's 3rd person #if that makes sense #it looks better on word/ao3/anything that isn't tumblr bc kent's texts are right aligned like it looks on your phone #anyways #my fic #kent parson #kp #answered

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no-the-other-thaddeus · 6 years

Text

On the new guidelines

I rarely ever make my own original posts on this blog. Perhaps because I’ve little faith that they’ll get much traction, or feel they simply won’t have much impact buried beneath endless reblogs that often better articulate the points I’d want to make, or are at least more widely visible.

But this, this I feel the need to weigh in on in my own words. This affects nearly everyone using this site, from personal friends to complete strangers. This is an attack on a huge chunk of this sites userbase, and yet another slap in the face to NSFW content creators from a major social media platform. I’m tired of it, and I refuse to be silent anymore.

Normally I’d probably put something this prone to ending up long under a read more, but that just makes it all too easy to ignore. I know that much from experience. So we’re gonna get into this, and if the post ends up taking a while to scroll past? You’ll just have to deal with those few seconds of inconvenience I guess.

To begin with, I will say that this has at least one silver lining. It still sucks that it’s coming about because of the complete destruction of tumblr’s NSFW community, but it might at least be a comforting thought:

Unless they fuck this up spectacularly, this will be a huge blow to all the pedophile scumbags who embedded themselves into this site like ticks. Gone, by and large will be the contingent of ‘MAPs’ trying to normalize pedophilia like the fucking filth they are from this corner of the internet.

It fucking sucks that it has to come with the deletion of all other NSFW content on the site as well, but it’s something at least. Fuck those people. No exceptions.

Moving on, however, this is the most extreme measure they could have possibly taken to resolve this problem, to the point I’m still kind of stunned it’s what they’re going with. It is effectively suicide; they skipped straight from shooting themselves in the foot to shooting themselves in the head. It’s not that there aren’t people who use the site mostly for SFW content, but at the same time, even amongst those people, there’s a good chance any given one of them has a side-blog for collecting porn. It’s a huge part of this site’s identity. To attempt to remove that is to lobotomize it.

This is especially true given that it’s already becoming apparent that whatever algorithm they’re using to flag posts now is wildly inaccurate. If your image has something even vaguely resembling a dick in it, whoops, flagged. And I do mean vaguely resembling.At the rate things are going you could get flagged for posting a picture of Squidward purely because of his nose. That happening here and there would be one thing, but the real issue this is causing is a bleedover that could kill another huge section of tumblrs userbase: Roleplayers

For a few hours after the announcement got spread around, the rp community reasoned they were safe, given that NSFW text is still allowed. So long as they abstained from posting lewd art or using suggestive icons, theoretically they’d be fine.

Nope. Just an hour or so ago, one I follow had a completely innocuous post flagged for no discernible reason. They appealed it of course, that is something you can do. There’s even a button linking to a page giving you more info on the appeal process on the notification your appeal’s gone through!

That leads to a blank page.

So, more than likely, it’s going to become infeasible to use tumblr for roleplay without it being a game of Russian roulette. Now we’re up to two groups tumblr is effectively killing or at least wounding. But wait there’s more! From what I hear, Furry blogs, even if they are SFW, are being flagged indiscriminately. It’d be one thing if they were just a casualty of the NSFW purge, but that even ones that are clearly harmless are getting blasted sends a pretty clear message, so now we’re up to three.

But oh, we’re not done. Oh no. I saved the worst for last: tumblr has been known, long before any of this started going down, to frequently label completely benign LGBQT+ content as adult, and with the horrendously inaccurate new algorithm, I can only imagine that’s going to get worse. So that’s four and this last one is just straight up discrimination against an actual marginalized group! Wow! I hate it!

This is not acceptable. Period. This is a ridiculous, extremist solution to a problem that admittedly, yes, was legitimately serious. Child porn should not be hand-waved, and it’s presence on this site was disgustingly prolific, but this is the equivalent of getting past a locked door by nuking the entire house it’s in. It’s destroying an entire community for the actions of one subset of it’s population, and then doing it so poorly you destroy other communities in the process!

Verizon’s stock had a sharp drop after the NSFW purge was announced, and for good reason: anyone with a shred of common sense realizes this is a bad move. It’s going to kill this site. Even if they back down from it, which I highly, highly doubt will happen, the damage will already be done to such a degree that it will likely only result in a slower death. The staff of tumblr, whether you want to blame them directly, or people in Yahoo above them, have proven that they are not worthy of your trust or continued support.

They would rather neuter this website than actually attempt to moderate it’s content in a reasonable fashion. Hell, they could’ve even done something closer to a compromise and created a separate version of tumblr purely for NSFW content! Anything would be better than this so long as the pedophilic content still got removed in the process!

And so, I appeal to you, denizens of tumblr: once December 17th rolls around, delete your blogs. Show Yahoo and Verizon and whoever the fuck else had a hand in this that this was not okay. That they fucked themselves and cannot regain our trust. Even just leaving your blog to rot from then on will send a message if you don’t want to delete it entirely. You’ll still be depriving them of ad revenue and userbase numbers by no longer patronizing the site.

Back up what you wanna keep, find content creators from here you still want to follow on other sites, whatever you need to do, but leave tumblr behind. They clearly don’ care about us; why should we care about them?

In closing: Fuck tumblr. This has been a long time coming, the only thing surprising is how ridiculously extreme the straw that broke the camel’s back is.

#tumblr #fuck tumblr #december 17th #new guidelines #tumblr purge 2018

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recentanimenews · 7 years

Text

Excited to BBQ this 4th of July? Liven up your table with an anime-inspired barbecue! As seen in anime like Haikyu!!, Silver Spoon, and more!

I love the 4th of July! Even if you aren't American, who wouldn't love gathering around with friends and family, enjoying the sunshine, and stuffing yourself with coma-inducing amounts of barbecued meat and vegetables, potato salad, and delcious apple pie (a la mode, of course) for dessert?

However, I must admit that barbecuing, as a cooking style, confuses me a little. Slow cooking brisket? Four hour ribs? What are these things? How do I do? How long is too long, and what's up with the whole beer can in a chicken deal? I honestly think I need to plan a trip to the Southern states to get a barbecuing education, as they have much more prolific barbecue than we do in California.

In fact, the most barbecuing experience I have is at Korean BBQ, which is a dining style where everyone sits at a grill embedded into a table. A selection of fresh, thinly-sliced, raw meat is delivered to your table, along with fresh vegetables and Korean side dishes. And then you cook the meat and veggies yourself, at your own table, dipping the meat in sauces as it comes off the grill.

But something that always enticed me about anime was the yakiniku, or grilled meat, that characters eat, usually at a celebration. You see this in Silver Spoon (rip Pork Bowl), Haikyu!!, Sakura Quest, Gargantia on the Verdurous Planet, and many, many more. Yakiniku was inspired by Korean BBQ, in that everyone gathers around a grill together to cook up some meat, and dip it in a sauce. However, that sauce is special to Japan, and is much sweeter than the dipping sauces you typically find at Korean BBQ. Also, the veggies that are cooked in anime alongside the meat are much more reminiscent of American barbecue, at least to me. You frequently see corn on the cob, zucchini, and onions, all of which I've had at barbeques in America. (You also see mushrooms, but that's definitely just a Japanese thing, I'm pretty sure.)

The challenge with cooking yakiniku in America is that most American barbecue grills are just not designed for the thin slices of meat required for an authentic yakinuku experience. Of course, you can use the yakiniku sauce to add flavor to any grilled meat, but yakiniku is typically cooked in just a few minutes, and eaten straight off the grill. Because the slices of meat are so small, the grill they use is crosshatched so that nothing can easily fall through. My barbecue (ok, fine, my apartment complex's barbecue), unfortunately, is not like this, so I had to improv my own Japanese style grill by putting a wire rack over the charcoal grill and using that as my cooking surface. It worked perfectly! If you want to do this, make sure your rack is pure metal, so that it doesn't disfigure.

Once you grill your meat, it's as simple as swirling it around in the yakiniku sauce, and shoving it into your mouth as quickly as possible! As a bonus, I've included a Japanese potato salad recipe below, to prepare and eat with your meat. I highly recommend it- Japanese potato salad is vinegary and crisp, the perfect compliment to the spicy-sweet dipping sauce. Have a happy and safe 4th of July, and if you aren't celebrating, I hope you can still use this recipe. After all, who needs a national holiday as an excuse to eat grilled meat?

Watch the video below for more details on how to get grilling!

youtube

Ingredients for Yakiniku:

The Meat + Veggies:

Thinly sliced beef that is a nice cut, such a rib eye or sirloin. I also like short ribs, and use some here. Most Asian supermarkets will have thinly sliced meat, or meat specially labeled for BBQ- check the frozen food section if they don't have anything fresh!

Fresh corn, shucked

Fresh zucchini, sliced for the grill

Shiitake mushrooms, cleaned

Really any kind of veggies you want.

The Dipping Sauce:

1/2 cup soy sauce

1 1/2 tbsp mirin

1 1/2 tbsp sake

4 tbsp sugar

2 tbsp awase or shiro miso

1 tbsp grated ginger

1 tbsp grated garlic

a few dashes of Togarashi, or another chili spice

Sesame seeds

Ingredients for Japanese Style Potato Salad

This recipe adapted from here.

2 pounds of gold potatos, peeled and cut into pieces

2 mini cucumbers

Salt

1 carrot

1/8 of a red onion

1 boiled egg

1 cup Japanese mayo

1 tbsp rice vinegar

To Make Japanese Potato Salad:

1. Boil potatos and carrot until fork tender, about 10-15 minutes.

2. Thinly slice the cucumber, put in a bowl, and sprinkle with salt. Set aside.

3. Dice the onion. Mince the egg. When carrot is done, halve it lengthwise and cut half moons.

4. When potato is done, mash until it is almost smooth, with just a few chunks of potato left.

5. Wring the water out of the cucumbers. Add the cucumber to the mashed potato. Add the egg, onion, and carrots. Stir to combine.

6. Add the mayo and vinegar. Stir to combine. Taste, season with additional salt or mayo as needed.

7. Set aside in fridge until ready.

To Make Yakiniku:

1. Combine sauce ingredients. Bring to a simmer and reduce slightly, taste the flavors, adjust any flavors, and then set aside to cool. Before dining, pour a little into dipping bowls for all the diners.

2. Get your grill going- light your charcoal and allow the coals to come to an even temperature (all charcoals should be grey and very hot by the time you start cooking).

3. Place your wire rack over the grill so that it is cross-hatched. Give it a few minutes to heat up.

4. Then, start grilling! Place vegetables on first, as they'll take longer to cook. If you'd like spread a little yakiniku sauce on them for flavor. When ready to start eating, lay your meat on the grill so that it is laid flat. This will make sure the meat cooks evenly. Turn over once, halfway through cooking. Depending on the thickness and type of your meat, each side with require about 1-2 minutes of cooking. If cooking short ribs, leave on for a minute or two longer. If cooking chicken or pork, be careful to make sure it's fully cooked before removing it from the grill.

4. As meat finishes cooking, pile it up on a plate and let your friends dig in. Make sure to save some for yourself! If you're sitting around a grill, your friends can just pull meat off as it finishes cooking and eat.

I hope you enjoyed this post! Check in next week for another recipe. To check out more anime food recipes, visit my blog. If you have any questions or comments, leave them below! I recently got a Twitter, so you can follow me at @yumpenguinsnack if you would like, and DEFINITELY feel free to send me food requests! My tumblr is yumpenguinsnacks.tumblr.com. Find me on Youtube for more video tutorials! Enjoy the food, and if you decide to recreate this dish, show me pics! :D

In case you missed it, check out our last dish: Cooking with Anime- Miso Ramen from "Naruto". What other famous anime dishes would you like to see Emily make on COOKING WITH ANIME?

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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