#would also love for her to do another live session of some kind and cover waterloo by abba | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

scekrex · 8 months ago

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Hiiii💕💕 me again I really loved your story and writing style<3

But any way I have a other idea, here it goes when Adam meet male reader for the first time and when he first saw him quickly thought of Eve and Lilith? But he tried brush those thoughts out of his mind when they start to know each other more but Adam can not stop looking at him this time y/n wanted to make a joke so he says.

"Do I look like your girlfriend?"

"No.. My late wife (or something else)... I cannot believe it"

"You could've been her twin!"

"Your face.. Your voice... Just your hair and clothes are different-"

"My name, is y/n l/n"

If you can thank you 💕💕

You'll be from now on known as "💕💕", also really love that idea!! So here ya go babes xoxo/p

Pretty baby with the sun in his eyes

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

You had first met him when Sera had introduced you to him in her office. It had been a little weird to meet the first man to ever be created, not because you had been nervous but because he hadn't been able to stop staring at you. It had seemed as if his eyes were glued onto you, no matter what you had done, his eyes had been onto you, drinking in every tiny little movement you had made. His expression had been blank, though, there was no way you could've known what had been going on behind those eyes of his.

To Adam it had been quite the shock to lay eyes on you for the first time. Your facial features looked so similar to Lilith's, your voice reminded you of Eve’s, it made him feel home. He shook that thought out of his head immediately, Eve wasn't supposed to sound like home and your face that could've been the face of Lilith's younger brother made his stomach feel heavy and his heart skip a beat every now and then. Fuck no, he wasn't seeing his ex wives in you - at least he told himself so, he was very aware that was a total lie.

And that was something that never really changed. Because once the first man had found out that you were a fellow rock enjoyer, he had been quick to give you calls every now and then, inviting you for jam sessions, the concerts his band played and sometimes even for small things like grabbing lunch together or getting ice cream. You two had been quick to figure out that you enjoyed a lot of the same things, you were quite similar. But Adam's eyes never managed to truly leave your body, one way or another they were always onto you, always putting you in some sort of unique spotlight.

Three months after first meeting him you were on the way to his apartment, he had invited you over - why you didn't really know, he had simply sent you a text that read ‘Pull up, bitch’. And given the fact that you had nothing better to do for the day, you went.

Arriving at Adam's place was surely something, he was living in that huge flat, of course he was. The first man seemingly only got the best of the best. You snorted as he swung open the golden door that you had just knocked on, he was wearing an oversized band shirt - of his own band, no way that dude would wear any other kind of merch than his own - and a pair of white sweatpants with golden stripes on the sides. His mask was somewhere, it was definitely not covering up his handsome face this time and you thanked God silently for that gift.

“Sup, babes,” he smirked as he stepped aside in order to invite you in. The second you set foot inside his home his eyes decided to never leave your body again.

This time you made the choice to address it, you were low-key sick of dodging the topic even though it was as obvious as it could get. “What’s with the staring, big guy, do I remind ya of your girlfriend?” your lips had curled up into a small yet cocky smirk as you raised an eyebrow at him. The brunette rolled his eyes at that, you knew he had no girlfriend, that well you knew each other at this point. Yet he couldn't deny that you did remind him of Lilith and Eve. “Nah babes, no girlfriend in this guys life, you know it,” he casually hummed as he wrapped an arm around his shoulder to guide you to the living room, “However, your ass reminds me of my ex wife.” You raised your eyebrow even higher, giving him a side eye, “What, you're saying you're staring at my face all day because my ass reminds you of some bitch you were married to?” That didn't really add up to you and you called bullshit on it. It simply made zero sense. But Adam was quick to clarify, a sigh left him before he explained, “No man, what I mean is you remind me of both my first and my second wife. Your face looks so much like Lilith's, in the name of the holy spirit, you could be her fucking twin brother,” he paused a moment, then continued, “And your voice, fuck, it reminds me of Eve’s, it sure sounds fucking deeper, duh kinda obivious, but… it holds the same warmth as hers.”

Now it was for you to stare at him. He had just told you you looked and sounded like two women he had been married to, that you could be their brother - twin brother even. How were you supposed to react to that? Was it even meant as a compliment?

“Well, quick reminder that my name's Y/N Y/L, I'm neither fucking Lilith nor Eve, get that shit inside your head.” Adam raised his hands in defense, “Nah, trust me I know. You look and sound like them but your personality is so fucking different from them, they were whores.” It really didn't surprise you how he talked about them because from what you knew, he wasn't wrong and had every right to be upset. “Good,” you crossed your arms over your chest, “Because if you ever fucking dare to moan their names, I'm fucking out.” It was a joke, clearly, but yet you saw a faint brush on his cheeks.

Oh you would definitely continue to tease him like that.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #adam x male reader #male reader #adam x y/n #adam x reader #adam x you

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adorewo0 · 11 months ago

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SUMMARY : You are gifted barricade tickets to a Seventeen concert by your best friend. Woozi ends up taking your phone leading you down a slightly hectic and confusing love story with someone you never thought you would meet.

PAIRING : Idol!Woozi x Non-idol!reader

GENRE : Fluff, delulu, idol au/smau(?)

FEATURING : All of Seventeen

WARNINGS : None :)

NOTES : This is my first story, so any feedback on things I need to improve on would be helpful. Also some parts will be set up like a smau. It’s all based on what I’m feeling in the moment/what I think is visually appealing. THIS IS PURE FICTION AND NOT RELATED TO THE IDOLS IRL!

AN : At this point its Follow Tour Woozi cause he been looking too good. But I hope y'all are enjoying this! Originally it was for my bsf which is why its really cliche but I never finished. I'mma try and get chapters out more often so you don't have to wait. If you want to be notified when I update just tell me and I'll tag you!

Thank you<3

Chapter 2

“No cause vocal unit’s performance of Habit ate!” Kya emphasizes, “I swear a few tears dropped.” We are having our little debrief session at the airport waiting to board our plane.

“No cause S.Coups in Fire?” I point out, “That’s what did it for me.” So did S.Coups helping me. I force the thoughts of the many weird interactions from the night before out of my head.

Passengers for Plane ### may start boarding now. Please recall the information…

I tune out the rest of the information from the intercom knowing I don’t need it. Kya and I gather our things and get in line.

We ended up getting separated in the process of her booking our plane tickets, so I had to say a short “Bye” to her on the way to my seat.

When I get to my seat I put my luggage overhead and sat down. I’m sitting next to this dude with relatively long hair and a mask on. From what I can see of him, his face looks promising. I say “Hi” but he ignores me, looks out the window and turns up the music in his headphones. Oh.I decided to not let it bother me and focus on what movie I should watch from the plethora of options I downloaded beforehand.

Another person sits next to me, but I’m glued to my phone so I don’t pay much attention. I hear a deep voice say “Hey” and my head shoots up. I recognize the voice and as I stare at his mask-covered face more, the face matches as well.

“Oh hi! I didn’t expect to see you here.” I say dumbfounded.

“I didn’t expect to see you here either, you live in Atlanta or just visiting?” he asks incredulously.

“Yeah. My friend and I flew up to NY to see you guys since there was no ATL tour date.”

“Thank you! But sorry about that, we decided to do a last minute pop-up at a music festival in ATL a few days ago.” He says with a sorrowful look back.

“No it’s okay! We really enjoyed ourselves and the money was all worth it.” I say warmly.

“Thank you again for enjoying it.” I nod my head and the conversation dies down a little bit, but a few mins later he asks, “Do you wanna come to our sound check before the pop up? You can bring your friend and just hang out with us.”

“For real?” I ask in disbelief.

“Yeah! I thought it would be fun for you plus I think your chill and a couple of the other members think the same as well.” The information he provides me with is kind of surprising, but I go with it.

“Sure then! I’ll bring my friend Kya.”

“Great!” We continue talking on and off, my movie getting ignored for the most part the whole plane ride.

Kya’s POV

I get to my seat after my small wave to y/n. I’m trying to put up my suitcase, but I’m struggling due to my height being on the shorter side. The man who was waiting behind me stops me and takes the suitcase and puts it away. I let out a short sorry feeling self conscious. I sit down in the middle seat and he also puts his bag over my row and comes to sit in the window seat. I push my legs in, out of courtesy, and he slips past me. I distract myself with my phone and later the plane starts to take off.

I decide to fall asleep out of boredom after take off and lean my head back against my seat. I soon doze off but my head moves all the way to the left into an uncomfortable position. I feel someones’ hand grab my head and move it to the right on something hard. I look up and stare at the man from before and he slowly starts to look familiar. Minghao? Nah I’m trippin. I fall back asleep on the man’s shoulder which feels heavenly to use as a pillow.

He wakes me up when the plane has landed and I look up at him confused. I soon realized that my “dream” was not a dream and that was truly Minghao. Wtf… I decide to be chill about it so I don’t expose his identity. I let out a small thank you and move out of my seat to get my things.

Of course I struggle again, so he helps me with my bag and gets his at the same time. Fuck it. I make small talk with him while we're walking out of the plane which turns into a really chill conversation. Laughing with Minghao, we walk into the empty gate where I see y/n standing with 2 men. oh- I walk up to her with a questioning look and she does the same back.

#seventeen #woozi x reader #black reader #kpop #woozi x black reader

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dio-the-thot-exterminator · 3 months ago

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whats the tumblr accounts of some of ur fav ocs like

I wanted to come up with actual usernames for them but some were taken and that's kinda awkward uhhhhhh

Becky Maurice

“You have tumblr? Ew grosss”

I love Becky but she wouldn't be caught dead on tumblr

She's a Instagram tiktok girl sorryyy

If we are being sillay then she’d have a secret acc prlly one of those girly coquette blogs or a stan blog for cupcakke whaaaaaa

Definitely just something with aesthetic photos and gifs.

Also Becky does editing as a hobby so she might post some of her videos

If she were to interact/collab with someone it would be like those giant editing videos

(i guess this might be an instagram thing but when a lot of amv editors come together and slay)

She would only post edits that are relevant to the aesthetic and theme of her blog

also she'd delete asks and dms (if its not about collabing)

Jia

"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my--"

I used an old photo i alr had oof

I don't even know but she would send a lot of hate anon

Like her whole blog is just her arguing with people.

She sends it off anon first but if someone stops replying or blocks her

She makes an another acc and goes on anon to terrorize people.

She's deff the person on live telling the opps to pull up and it's like 4 am

She got a job (a literal warrior princess) but she behave like she unemployed so she on here 24/7

I don't wanna say her blog would be like a thirst trap blog but...

if she's not arguing with ppl she's flexing on them and posting like insane workout videos.

Or sparring sessions.

or thirst traps but in a way to piss people off

She’d prlly post some sort of art too but the replies and reblogs are turned off cuz she fight with too many people hahhhhh

She’d also have to remake her blog so many times cuz she gets reported a lot

Jelly

"Actually now that i think about it she'd send anon hate too"

Jelly wouldn't use social media cuz she doesnt know what it is

But if she was stalking really liked someone she’d join.

Deff one of those accs that look like a bot

no header no pfp no posts no likes no titles or anythin

she just lurks

or sends weird anon asks

Rurue

"I draw her too damn much she doesn't need an image"

pink with glitter and its kinda tacky lookin with clashing colours

Her tumblr would be kinda a fandom blog?

About all her little shows that she fw

reblogging and likin everything hahaha hits the post limit everyday

she's one of the people that goes crazy in the tags

Rurue would post her fandom ocs awwww its gonna be so cute.

Also just post images of her toys and little crafts then fucking randomly a image of her killing someone.

She gets away with it because people think it's a fake

She also doesn't know how to take good pictures so the victim is not identifiable

Octavia and Debbie

"Debbie doesn't look like that i was having trouble with her face so i covered one eye and yassified her..."

I'm grouping them together because they’d have very similar blogs.

(they are literally connected)

they are both kind of self loathing so they’d never post anything directly about themselves.

ooo Becky would prlly find Debbie's blog and put her on blast -

"Uh look at the stupid shit debbie is posting on tumblr lets all make fun of her"

"Wait a minute becky…how’d you find that?”

“.......”

“What are YOU doing on tumblr???”

The blogs would be a mix of like a rant vent #depression and like those early 2010 cringe like

The main difference is that debbie would be posting shit like this

and like those black and white images of crying anime girls.

Octavia would be reblogging historical art and photography etc etc

Ok thats it. Ahaha i spent to much time on this, sorry for typos <3

#bobs answers #bobs looseleaf #beastly bordello #becky maurice #debbie smith #octavia #jia #rurue #jelly #im not proof reading this #enjoy

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writinggremlin · 8 months ago

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1, 2, 3, 5, and 7 for Kage? 👀

-- @whumperofworlds

Oh, words can not describe how happy I am that not only did you send me an ask, but you chose my favorite lil guy to whump. Kage has become my main character over the years, and I really don't know how he did that lmfao. There's just something about angsty, broody, grungy guys I guess lmfao.

Anygay, thank you so much for sending in an ask! Onto the questions! (OUGH these are good ones!)

Cw: Kidnapping, Recapture, Drowning, General Torture, quick blood mention.

1: How do you kidnap/capture your OC?

That depends, because Kage already has history with someone. Lily to be exact-- or August, as he knows her. In the event of her kidnapping him (again), it would go over surprisingly smoothly, with an uncharacteristic lack of struggle and resistance from him.

What would likely happen is that one day, while he's alone, Lily would show up at the penthouse he lives in, and knowing that he doesn't remember what she's done to him, she would ask if he wants to take a walk while they catch up. While they take the elevator down, Lily will make her move, restraining Kage's arms behind his back, and using the jacket he usually wears to cover up her work. She'd threaten tell him not to act out, to which he'd comply, as he starts getting a weird uncanny feeling about all of this. Once he's in the car, he'd get blindfolded, and off they'll go! (And then some of his memories will resurface and trigger a panic attack! :D!)

2: Are they defiant? Scared? Stoic?

It depends on who's doing the torturing, for the most part. But, assuming it's Lily, Kage would be mostly confused and scared. He'd try to hide this by acting stoic and maybe even a little defiant on occasion, but it wouldn't take much to put him back in his place if need be. Thankfully, to his benefit, Lily doesn't mind a little bit of pushback. In fact, she quite enjoys it.

If it were somebody else, he'd be more bold in his defiance. Verbally berating his captor(s), spitting on them, attempting to land a blow on them, constant attempts to escape, all the way down to things as simple as a smug look after a session. Of course, this is all still done to mask his fear. How long that mask will last, and how effective it is, is another question for another day.

3: What kind of torture methods would you use against them?

Pin him to the wall in an empty room, and start filling it with water. Grab a handful of his hair, and dunk him into a tub of water. Shove him down, and don't let him back up until he's limp.

I've also had a scenario where he's trapped in a room that gradually gets colder and colder over time. He thinks it's just normal isolation at first, until he notices that it's "a little chilly in here". And it doesn't stop; it just keeps getting colder and colder until there is frost lining the walls, and he is nothing but a pathetic, shivering little ball on the ground.

Sickness is also a super fun one with him. Just letting him get worse and worse. Toying with his life; letting him go to the brink of death, only to bring him back just enough to regain awareness, and then let him get worse all over again. (Lily fucked him up so badly with this one that he now avidly denies being sick whenever he's experiencing even the slightest symptoms of anything. He "doesn't get sick". Haha, whoosies!)

5: What do they do if you torture a loved one in front of them?

So I'm going to assume that this is a scenario where he's restrained and can't get to the person who's hurting his loved ones, while the torture is happening right in front of him. If that's the case, he's going guard dog feral. Especially if the loved one in question is Echo or his fiance. I'm talking shouting and screaming incoherent obscenities until he's spitting out blood, thrashing against restraints with reckless abandon and likely hurting himself in the process, growing, hissing, biting, pure, unbridled rage.

Once they are both out, their tormentor will have a target on their back. Kage will make it his sole mission to hunt them down and enact revenge. An eye for an eye. It's only fair.

7: Do they have a team? If so, supposed they were caught too. Do they protect their team from any torture or no?

Kage does have a support network of close friends who he is pretty loyal to, and cares about a lot. If any of them were to get captured alongside him, whether it be somebody close like Damien or Echo, or a friend like Sebastien or Mist, or even somebody who he doesn't seem to care for (or has very valid reasons not to care for them) like Onyx or even Ember, he would agree to take the blow for them if it meant their safety.

#whumpee #kage #lily #oc #oc whump #oc ask #whump ask #whump #kidnapping whump #whumpblr #whump community #angst #tw kidnapping #tw recapture #tw drowning #tw torture #The Gremlins OCs

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jezabatlovesbats · 1 year ago

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Nightmare Before Christmas Persona- Donna

After deciding I wanted to have a persona for TNBC, I tried to get her bio out while it was still Nightmare season (October-December, Q4) in the hopes that more people would see it.

Donatella, or Donna for short, is a haunted broken porcelain doll from Halloween Town. She has numerous cracks on her face and fingers. She appears to have bluish eyeshadow, light pink blush, red lipstick, and more makeup that looks like running mascara on her upper cheeks. She wears an olive green dress with a light bluish-gray collar, very dark brown sleeves, light brown trim on the skirt and sleeves, a green layer with a blue hem beneath the skirt, and green fingerless gloves. She wears a pair of black shoes with green bows on the straps. Her brown hair is styled in an updo of ringlets that fall around her head. Her hairstyle has bangs on the front side. Her socks are dark brown with white polka dots, which is the same color and pattern as her bow. There are green ribbons and some light blue strip of fabric attached to it. She is the actual size of a porcelain doll, meaning that she is very short.

Donna is a perky and snarky doll who has a self-confident, I'm-so-fab kind of nature. Her methods of scaring people are unconventional compared to most of the other monsters in town, but that isn't something that others her from them. Charismatic, she loves to be the center of attention. When she's not, she'll watch you in a much more unsettling way. While most dolls, including herself, work more silently, Donna tends to be louder and more brash. More often than not, Donna can be mischievous, snide, and maybe a little obnoxious.

Donna isn't very fond of jump scares or blood and guts like lots of Halloween Town's spooks do. To be frank, they ironically freak her out. But she has her own ways of spooking you out. They're silent, albeit just as deadly. Even when she's completely still, her eyes seem to follow you around. When you least expect it, her eyes can actually move, all while the rest of her body is inanimate. She may actually move once your back is turned. All this being said, Donna has excellent volume control. She tends to be very loud, but she's also great at staying so quiet that it gives you the creeps.

Donatella lives in a sophisticated neighborhood of creepy dolls like herself in Halloween Town. She prides herself in her silent stare technique of scaring that haunted dolls are known for. She scared people while also working as a field researcher for the human world, learning about what they're afraid of. Once she and her colleagues get back from a haunting session or a field observation, they often hang out at one of their dollhouses. Donna, who is quite popular amongst her community, spends most of her nights at these get-togethers, basking in their praises of her stealthy scares. During the events of the film, a raging celebration of another successful Halloween was going on at Donna's dollhouse. Later on, Jack stopped by to ask if she and the dolls knew anything about Christmas, but their research only covers fear and Halloween-related things, so they dismissed him. As mentioned before, their assignment for Jack's Christmas was to plan out his route for his deliveries. When he got shot down, Donna believed that all of their hard work had gone to waste, but everything worked out well in the end. When snow came falling on Halloween Town, the dolls cozied up in their dollhouses, and Donna realized how much she loved hot chocolate.

Because of Donna's talents and her skill in her job, as well as how much she loves being admired by her peers, Donna was later chosen to become the ambassador to the dolls. She already knew they looked up to her, but now, they'd have to rely on her to lead them to success. Donna wasn't prepared to take on her new responsibilities, and on multiple occasions, she didn't think she was fit to be a voice for the dolls. She did know what it was like to have a lot of charisma, though. So, when she met Sally, she tried to show her a thing or two about looking like a leader, in the hopes that they'd be pals. Though they bumped heads at first, Donna ended up helping Sally out with her dilemmas while also learning things for herself. I picture her playing a more active role in Long Live the Pumpkin Queen.

#TNBC #The Nightmare Before Christmas #oc #my ocs

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sixthousandbees · 2 years ago

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I’ve watched Wednesday up to episode 3 and I’m loving it, and I’m loving that I’ve seen a bunch of stuff about it in my feed but I havent seen any proper spoilers about the mystery.

I have some thoughts. two nitpicks about worldbuilding and then a bunch of wild speculating on the plot. obviously there will be spoilers for the show Wednesday up to episode 3, and possibly further because I love being right, and I am often right. I once guessed the twist of a friends favourite movie 5 minutes in and they were distraught. I still got hit by it in the end, I have the memory of something without any memory.

SO theres a species of monster attending the monster school affectionately called “stoners”, gorgons, where if you accidentally look at their snake hair you turn to stone. for reasons, we’re shown one taking a shower. They hang up a towel over the mirror, which falls down when they’re in the shower, and they turn to stone as they come out.

The biggest issue with this is why would a gorgon living area have mirrors in it. Especially as there is also vampires at the school! It would be a simple accomodation to not have mirrors in the school, with students allowed mirrors in their rooms if they want them. This is meant to be a school just for them!

Another smaller issue is “why didn’t they just close their eyes” and “how come they can affect themselves with this??”, but thats different from structural negligence.

The second worldbuildy issue is heavily plot related. Wednesday Addams looks exactly like (same actress) as her ancestor Goody Addams from 400 years ago. I thought it was implied that Wednesday looks like her mother and her brother looks like her father, and her mother wasn’t an Addams by birth.

This could be explained either as coincidence (which would be frustrating), or as a thread of unreliable narrator-ism. Wednesday sees Goody as Just Like Her, so shes portrayed visually as Just Like Her. There are issues with this in that Wednesday sees a portrayal of Goody and recognises her. Another issue is that people recognise the drawing of the pilgrim and the girl in the quad as Wednesday and the OG pilgrim, but it could’ve been Goody. And the pilgrims face isn’t shown so it could be someone else in the pilgrim garb.

As theres this kind of implication of destiny, I reckon the pages were showing Wednesday and whoever the monster is, so I do think the monster is related in some way to the pilgrims.

Monster time! So the end of episode 3 shows a bunch of people in order and speculates “who could be the monster??”.

We know the principal helped cover up the tracks of the monster ONCE. This doesn’t make sense to me. Knowing this ““bear”“ had torn up someone from the school would reduce some of the finger pointing to the school. I thought it implied that she knows who the monster is, but if thats the case she would have covered for the other victims.

She might know about the prophecy, and this is a move in relation to that. In any case, the motivation is currently unclear.

We have been shown that she can shapeshift, so perhaps she doesn’t know WHO the monster is, but knows what it looks like, and this one instance of the monster that saved Wednesday from psychic boy was actually the principal. But. that would be daft. There would be other ways of solving the situation than mimicking a monster and disemboweling a student.

We’re shown... Xavier? the tortured artist boy near where Wednesday saw the monster, and we’re shown him locking a shed with slash marks on his neck, implying he is trying to keep something vicious contained. I think these are probably red herrings. He has the ability to animate his drawings, so there might be a chance that the monster is something he doodled that got out of control. I dont think he is the monster himself.

We’re shown the sherriffs boy in the bath screaming. He’s also in trouble for something and has court mandated therapy sessions where they talk about his missing mother. He has been shown nearby when Wednesday got saved by the monster, and how to avoid the sniffer dogs.I dont believe him to be the monster though, as his previous behaviours seem... genuine? he seemed confused about the monster, eager to learn about it, surprised at details concerning it. I do not believe the character is that good an actor. his MOTHER however, .... no thats also daft.

We’re shown the therapist making a scarf for some taxidermied roadkill. Strange, but not monstrous. kind of goes against the expectations of the character, but we havent been shown much of the character. I dont think shes the monster.

We’re shown the only normie teacher. Is she as normie as she claims she is? Of the characters shown in the ending teaser, I think shes the most likely to be the monster of them. Theres some forshadowing with the monsters HUGE bulbous eyes, and the normie teachers bulbous glasses.

However I am not confident we WERE shown the monster there.

normally in these situations, we should at least have met the monsters human counterpart, but theres nobody I would say with confidence that they’re the monster. however I am not very familiar with the mystery genre, so perhaps I couldn’t say anything with confidence lmao.

I’m watching this with family, so I’ll probably watch episode 4 and maybe 5 tomorrow night. I am currently enjoying this! Most of the cool fun lines that have been gif’d I have seen, and the actual delivery was great. most of the time these fun quips are kinda awkwardly murdered, which is hidden in gif form, but I was very pleased with how it actually turned out.

#Wednesday #Netflix Wednesday #spoilers #that must be a bitch to search the tags for #getting a bunch of stuff about the day of the week instead #I LOVE consuming this type of media slowly with family #gives me hours to chew on it #mull it over #hours of wondering and not knowing #its not torture because its not over something that matters #and its not socially based #not a romantic mystery

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noodlecontuco · 1 year ago

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impostor syndrome, love languages and other issues

Lately, I've been thinking about my own desires and how I thought I knew what I wanted. How did I went from crying over the fear of not making friends to complain about the ones I've got? Now, I know I might seem like an asshole to you right now, but give me a chance to explain myself. Then, if you want to, you can keep on hating me.

Last summer, I went on a full-on crisis over the fact that I find it so difficult to make new friends. Over the last months of highschool, my closest friend group was falling apart. We were all trying to make it look like it wasn't, still hanging out together and so, but truth is, we were about to start a new chapter of our lives. And they were all going to the same place, while I had to move to another city. Besides, I was experiencing the fallout of one of my longest relationships with my best friend at the moment. That's when I began to worry (too late) about the fact that I didn't have any more friends than those three. And that was the moment the anxiety hit.

"What if I don't make any friends?", "I have such a hard time talking first to someone I don't know, what if no one talks to me during the first week of college and then, before I can notice, everyone has their friend group and I get left out?", "How is it that you make friends anyway? I sure as hell don't know, I haven't done it since I was twelve" etcetera, etcetera. I made all these questions to my therapist. She said that I should stop worrying so much, that things would develop at their own pace and that I would definitely make some new friends. The idea of not getting along with anyone in a classroom full of people that shared my passions was unfathomable, right? It was stupid to think like that, I know it now. But at the time, I was terrified. I felt like I was walking around in a dark, empty room, with my hands tied behind my back and my eyes covered. I spent the worst summer ever since 2018. I was alone with my thoughts for the entirety of the three months that you're supposed to spend with friends.

I ended up developing some kind of excessive attachment to a group of friends, all younger than me, that used to be my secondary friend group since I was 15. One of them specifically became my best friend, but she doesn't know it. I never told her. I don't want to make her think that she owes me something, because she doesn't. I'm fine with just loving her from the distance, thinking fondly of her whenever I hear someone talk about their best friend. I never told her because I know it isn't mutual. And it's okay, she has her own best friend, and so does everyone in that friend group. They are my first option, but I'm not and I have to learn to live with that. I have. It might seem like I'm complaining, but I assure you I'm not. It even feels better this way. Bittersweet, but better nonetheless, because lately I came to the realization that being some people's best friend is too much of a hassle. And that's how we get to the central subject for today.

Fast forward to the present, I'm two months in into the whole college experience, and I have made friends. On the second week, a girl and me started a conversation with another student over the subject of her shirt, that had a cool print on it. We all became friends, so I started to hang out with them more. And more. I suggested going to the theater together once, and getting together for a study session another time. I did this because I needed to do these things anyway and I figured that they would also find it useful. And that was my mistake. One of these girls became too attached to me. Right now, I think I might be her best friend in college. She has gifted me three cans of Sprite just because I once said I liked it. She has given me at least two paper hearts she made herself. She has gifted me a bar of chapstick because she saw my lips were cracked. Take note that she has bought all of these things right in front of me, also, which makes it even worse. Fun fact about me: I hate "just because" gifts. I probably have some kind of trauma when it comes to money, but I don't like other people buying things for me for absolutely no reason. I am very proud of my economic independence (hey, at least I got something good out of the trauma, right?). So, all of these gifts felt... Not right. But the worst part is that this girl has said to me, verbally, that she appreciates me a lot. And I can't brush that off with an awkward "ahh thank you!"

Two months. Only two months. She's sitting right next to me as I write. And I don't know, maybe I'm used to other kind of love, a kind of love that you don't see, so it might not even be love at all. I don't like this kind of love that she gives me. I'm uncomfortable with it, I'm physically and psychologically uncomfortable every time she names things she likes about me without me asking. And the noose tightens around my neck when she asks me to say things that I like about her because I don't know her too well to tell. She sees things in me that I'm not able to and I. Don't. Like. It.

I came to the realization that I'm fine with keeping everyone at arm's length. With having someone to talk to and no one to share a philosophical conversation with, at least until I find the right person, because I'm sure she's not. And yes, you might say that, considering the amount of effort it takes me to make a new friend, I can't afford to be picky, but I know for a fact that I don't want ANYONE to depend on me.

This has already happened, not so long ago. I let someone get too close. I should have told them that I didn't feel the same way earlier, but I didn't, and I'm pretty sure I hurt them even more than if I had just rejected them from the beginning. But if that's what I have to do with everyone that gets close, then what's my destiny? Am I so determined to keep this "I can do it alone" facade that I can't see the fact that I will actually end up alone? And it's so hard to explain to anyone else who is not me. Because if I put it in words, they would think that I'm doing it because I'm scared of getting hurt again. Even my therapist said that to me once. "Are you sure that you're uncomfortable with him getting attached or is it you the one who doesn't want to catch feelings?" At the moment, I didn't know what to answer. How do I know what my subconscious mind thinks? Maybe that is the reason, but the only thing I sure as hell know is that he made me uncomfortable. That she makes me uncomfortable. It's not even their fault. It's their way of showing love that I'm uncomfortable with. Why do they have to be so serious about how much they like me? Why can't they be like me? I do tell people I like them, don't misunderstand. A lot of people around me think that physical contact is my love language, but they're wrong. Physical contact is how I answer when people tell me nice things, because it's the only non-verbal and immediate alternative to words of affirmation and God knows I'm not good at talking.

When I want to express love, I normally do it in quality time or acts of service. Once in a while, you might even hear words of affirmation leave my mouth, but in a harsh, sometimes even blunt way. To make you feel like you don't need to answer. That I'm just telling you because I saw that part of you that I liked and I'm acknowledging it. Never in the way of complete devotion. That's too much responsibility to put on someone's shoulders.

Maybe it's the fact that I compare every single relationship I have now with what I used to have with my former best friend. I used to complain that she never showed she cared about me. Yeah, I know, I just can't be satisfied.

So, we circle back to the main question; what the actual fuck is wrong with me? Why does simple appreciation makes me feel so anxious, so guilty that my throat starts to close until I can no longer breathe? Why can't I stop believing that they're all lies? I don't deny that some people may actually believe I'm as cool as they describe me, but I know that it's not true. And no matter how much people keep on trying to make me believe the lie, I am simply not able to. None of my accomplishments feels real to me. Not even the biggest ones. Everytime I think I have accomplished something big, my brain tells me "Maybe you won only because the rest of them were mediocre. That doesn't make you good. That makes you good in comparison, which is totally different".

Yeah, my brain is a bitch.

The only good thing about it, it's that it pushes me to try even harder to earn what I think haven't earned yet. I only fear that I end up giving up on life for the stupid reason of not being enough for my own standars.

Let's hope we don't get to that.

----------------------------------------------------------

21/05/23

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besiwoo · 6 months ago

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NEXT GEN EP 5 ! siwoo's interview

it's his final interview for next gen. it's a little bittersweet, siwoo thinks. that after months and months of this, it's finally coming to an end. it had almost been something akin to journaling – all of this had been. and in some way, a good way to reflect on himself and the past few weeks spent practicing.

he takes a seat in front of the cameras, smiling. "thank you," he says, as he fixes the microphone. it's almost a little odd how he might miss this.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

siwoo smiles. "excited. bittersweet," he says. "i can't believe next gen is finally coming to an end. i'm nervous about the final performance in front of the live audience. i hope i can do well enough, and impress them and the judges."

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE SONG?

"i love it," siwoo's honest this time. he really does love the song. loves it even more because it's his. "throughout next gen we've been performing covers, so having a song that i can call... mine, it feels special. it feels nice to perform an original song." it does have his heart fluttering just a little at the thought of it. the anticipation of it all.

"i worry if the public will like it too. i think that's a new feeling for me – worrying if they'll like this song, if they'll stream it... but all the members worked hard recording this song, so i hope it's received well."

SPEAKING OF MEMBERS, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR TEAM THIS TIME?

ah. getting to the juicy part already. whatever, siwoo thinks, it was about time after all. it wasn't as though bang team got along normally like the other teams would. they'd even had to sit in a circle and have some sort of team-bonding session, all thanks to nayoung.

"we work well together," he says. "we had to have a team bonding session and... after that jihyun and i made an effort to get to know one another better," he continues – thinking back to when he'd approached jihyun with his phone, asking him out for a movie. only for the both of them to later on bond over... fanfiction.

jihyun x siwoo fanfiction to be exact.

"i invited him out for a movie and we... did in fact hang out afterwards, and bonded. we became a lot more comfortable with one another and it's easy to work with him. i was being honest when i said that i thought he's always been someone likeable and kind," again he refers back to when he'd spoken of jihyun, when he had to compliment him. back then it had felt as though bile was rising in his throat, now though – now he knows that jihyun is a little bit of an odd ball himself, and something about that was interesting to siwoo. if anything, it made siwoo like him even more. "we took some selcas together, but i'm sorry, i don't think i'll be sharing them. i want to keep them to myself," he laughs, teasing the camera. in truth, he doesn't even remember if they'd taken a photo.

"it's also the first time i've been on a team with jay," at the mention of his best friend, siwoo's smile grows softer. "he's been my best friend since highschool, and we get along really well," which is true. jay knows siwoo better than anyone else, siwoo thinks. probably better than siwoo himself. "i think i found myself relying a lot on him this time, especially after a few things transpired. and i'm confident in our chemistry together," he continues. "i think you'll be surprised by our chemistry on stage too."

WHAT ABOUT YOUR COACHES?

great. of course they'd ask about the coaches. of course – especially after siwoo had been pointed out for seemingly doing nothing. his eyebrow twitches.

"i've worked with nayoung previously before, and i've always respected the way she works. i like that she's straight to the point," he says, "i took what she said to heart and i think luciel and i took that step forward for the sake of the team. whatever she says never feels personal to me, i know she's keeping it professional." though it would've been a lie to say that siwoo didn't feel annoyed by her words. still, she wasn't entirely wrong though, and siwoo found no need to hold any animosity towards her.

but ren. fuck ren. siwoo doesn't speak for a moment, but he can tell that they're waiting for more. it isn't like there'd only been one coach. and he knows that eventually, he'll have to talk about it.

if he has to, then why not play it up a little? no – he doesn't really need to play it up much at all. he hadn't even interacted with ren that much. at least, not enough to warrant the sudden personal attack he feels.

"but during the team bonding session, i was called out by ren," he says, knowing that he'll have to speak on it. "i... actually, we haven't really interacted that much. before this round, i don't think i've ever spoken to him. even during this round, i didn't really work as closely with him... so his words... they did surprise me."

your move ryu siwoo, what's your next move?

"i'm sure he has his reasons. but i would be lying if i said his words weren't hurtful," he forces a smile, "did i seem like i thought that i was better than everyone else? was i pulling my team down? those thoughts ran through my head in that moment. was that the sort of image i had to someone that i never worked with...?" he continues, and this time it's genuine, "i was trying to be as honest as possible during the team bonding session – about my flaws and what i was proud of. but even that..." ah... should he cry? but siwoo doesn't feel like crying, so he doesn't. instead, he sighs and shakes his head. "... when he said that i didn't deserve to be here, honestly it felt very demoralising. hearing that from a coach too, someone that might even be a colleague in the future if i'm lucky enough... i was already aware that i was lagging behind... but to hear it like that... that i was so terrible at what i was doing, even when i was trying my best... especially from a coach... i thought to myself... ah... am i that unlikeable? ah... will i never be good enough, no matter how hard i try? do i have to give up on this dream?" he lifts his eyes to look at the camera, hurt.

"but if those were truly his thoughts, and what he felt about me, then i can't change them... but i wish he would've chosen a less public space to try and tear me down. it almost felt like he was humiliating me... on purpose," he adds the last two words with a shaky voice, "but i'm sure he wasn't. he's a coach after all. he must've had his reasons. either way, i hold no grudge. i don't think we've spoken enough with each other for me to. i'll just think that it came from a place of concern for the team."

fine, siwoo will play the naive good guy. and it isn't so hard either. because he genuinely has had no recollection of working or talking to ren before this. whatever ren had said to him felt as though it appeared out of nowhere.

THIS IS THE FINAL EPISODE OF NEXT GEN, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO THE VIEWERS.

"thank you all for all your love and support throughout next gen. when i started on this journey, i was clumsy and naive. i know that i'm still lacking in many areas, but i hope that you can continue supporting me and the rest of the bang team!" he stands up, and bows before lifting his head to wave to the camera.

#be:ngs2p5 #( 1.3k words of craziness thanks

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wolfsbanemanor · 9 months ago

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What religion are they, and if they have one, how do they practice?

They are currently non-religious. However, they were raised as "Worshippers of the Watcher," courtesy of their father (and, to a lesser extent, their mother.) They became disillusioned with the Watcherians when they were teens, for a number of reasons. There are many sects of Watcherians, some very analogous to real-world religions (particularly the Abrahamic religions), and others not. (The one Caleb and Lilith were raised in is probably most analogous to Evangelical Christianity in practice.) They do agree on two big things, however: One, it's super-duper important to praise and please The Watcher (the player, for non-Simmers out there), who was both kind and cruel, loving and wrathful at the same time, and two, Occult Sims are inherently bad because they represent the Watcher's Shadow/Dark Side. And so even if they hadn't left the Watcherians before becoming vampires, they'd be personas-non-gratas there now. The Watcherians were very influential in Willow Creek at the time they lived there. In some Sim Worlds, asking what church/temple/whatever someone attends is a very rude question unless you know them well; not so in Willow Creek. And was not uncommon to be asked by a complete stranger about their thoughts on the Watcher, or to hear someone praise the Watcher, or lament that public schools did not have organized (Watcherian) prayer sessions.

So, how did they practice? Well, they read and studied the Watcherian Holy Book. Their father would often drill them on passages; they were encouraged to memorize it, cover-to-cover. (Depending on whom you asked, that was either in case "Heathens" took over Simlandia and forbade religion, or because the Watcher or some agent thereof would quiz them on it as part of their judgment for the afterlife.) They prayed several times daily. They had a "Sinner's Prayer," basically about how awful they were for literally just existing and how they needed the Watcher's forgiveness, guidance, and wisdom. They had prayers in which they begged the Watcher to forgive them for their transgressions. They had a Simlish version of "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" that they prayed each night before bed. They had the Watcher's Prayer, believed to have been handed down from The Watcher themselves. They prayed before meals, thanking the Watcher for providing food for them. (When they ate together as a family, meals could not start until this prayer was said.) They attended Sunday School (or an analog of it) and Youth Group, and Watcherian Book Study; they were almost always at some religious event or another. And their pastor visited frequently with his wife (whom Caleb noted never really seemed happy), because he was good friends with their dad. (For his part, he wasn't happy they left, and even considered them to be troublemakers, but he did help them organize a funeral service for Edward and Artesia when they died in that car accident.) They attended worship each week, no matter what. Even when the roads were bad in the winter, or when one of them was sick with the llama flu. And it didn't matter what else was going on, events at their church/temple/whatever thing came first. Lilith was always advised to cover up, so as not to cause men and boys (even her own father and her own twin brother) to think "bad" woohoo-related thoughts about her and therefore "stumble" and sin. Some Watcherian women even went so far as veiling themselves, either once they reached puberty, or after marriage, though it wasn't a common practice in their particular sect. (Most women in their group wore big, fancy hats to worship service, including Artesia.) Both Caleb and Lilith were told to wait for marriage (to a member of the opposite sex) to even think about woohoo, or else they'd no longer be worthy of love (and the Watcher would punish them for all eternity), although it may have been more emphasized for Lilith. They were also forbidden from reading or watching certain secular media, like Henry Puffer. Edward never went as far as burning books, but book-burnings were not unheard of in their sect. Their particular sect didn't declare any food (apart from Mermadic Kelp, the unpalatable-to-non-vampires-anyway Blood Fruit, or the Forbidden Fruit of the PlantSim) to be off-limits, but other Watcherian sects forbade pork and shellfish, and even blood transfusions. And if someone died, they were not to plead with the Grim Reaper or hand him a Death Flower in exchange for that Sim's life, but to accept it and even to be happy for them because they were going to meet the Watcher and (if the Watcher judged them worthy) spend all eternity with Him/Her/It/Them. (There wasn't agreement on what pronouns the Watcher used, and as to how many there were, the general answer was that the Watcher had many different aspects, but there was ultimately only one Watcher.)

#headcanons #rambunctious religions by lumpinou #caleb vatore #lilith vatore #the sims 4

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starkytower · 2 years ago

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Its Neverafter finale day and I just need to get these thoughts written down before I sit down to watch the finale. For context, I don’t normally watch actual plays. I’ve played maybe 3 sessions of D&D like 10 years ago. I started watching this show to try to find something that could help me engage with my husband’s love of the game. I got so much more than I bargained for.

I lost my grandfather during lockdown and am in the process of losing my grandmother to cancer. I have been stuck in a grief cycle for almost 2 years and have been fighting to come to terms with it all with little to no progress to the point that I had avoided seeing my grandmother of months, even though I know the time I have left is precious. Nothing - not therapy, journalling, grief seminars, self-help books, long cry sessions - nothing has helped me find acceptance and make meaning out of these losses and what it all means to me more than this D&D game and little Ylfa Snorggelson.

Like Ylfa, this was my first experience with true grief and I for the longest time just wanted that feeling gone - I wanted to go back to “normal,” and I didn’t want to accept that grief was now a permanent part of me. Through Ylfa, I’ve learned to stop fearing my feelings of grief and to look death in the face as an equal - to listen to what it has to say, to take what it’s offering me and to see it as a friend that wants good things for me.

I learned that that feeling of grief doesn’t have to only be the memory of the terror of losing my grandparents - in another version of my story, my grief goes by my grandpa’s name and it has my grandmother’s face and it wants me to live. That there can be no change nor growth without death. That that being that is death loves like my grandparents love me, and what that being wants for me is to transform and to become.

I’ve learned that by facing what death is offering me and consuming that gift and welcoming that gift into myself that I am indeed transformed - in the same way that my grandparents were who they were because at some point in their lives they also consumed the wolf’s gifts and were themselves transformed.

And the whole experience of encountering death is horrific and terribly sad but I’m finding that if I sit with my grief, it is also tremendously kind and loving and that by accepting that grief and love, I am finding a strength and freedom I didn’t know were within me.

Accepting the transformation requires me to let go of who I was before and will form me into a braver, more honest version of myself. A version whose red cloak of ignorance and innocence will be covered by the love of death’s mantle, the way my grandma and grandpa wore before me and the way my grandkids will one day wear too.

And if I am brave enough to look into death’s eyes, I’ll see a little girl that looks like my grandma but it looks like me too, and one day I’ll meet it on the path as well. When I do, I’ll be guided by the coming of the grandkids of my grandkids who will soon be making their way into the forest themselves, but until then, there are more blank pages ahead for me.

Last week I was brave enough to see my grandma again. We played cards and made a pot roast. Next week, I’m going back to do some embroidery with her. I don’t know that I would have been able to do that without this story. Someone pass along my deepest gratitude to Emily and Brennan and everyone at that table and behind the dome for sharing it and caring enough to engage with the topics of grief and death with curiosity, vulnerability, and honesty.

#neverafter spoilers #neverafter #d20 neverafter #ylfa snorgelsson #d20 nva #d20 spoilers #tw: grief #tw: grieving #tw: death #d20 big bad wolf

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crazyunsexycool · 2 years ago

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I have a 'bucky' pov idea feel free to write and publish it if you like the idea!!

so basically : bucky was really struggling with his nightmares every night lately so he meets s girl at some online chatting app and they really grow close to the point that bucky started telling her about his past and daily nightmares and when he got the reaction that he hoped form her, that encourages him more to develop their friendship , they would talk every night for to late till bucky gets sleepy and falls asleep peacefully but bucky never saw her face or even heard her voice so one-day he decided to tell her that he wants to meet her in person.

Tell me what do you think of this<3 hope you like it xx.

Hi Darling!!!!

I did not forget about this idea at all. But here it finally is, it took me some time but I think you'll like it. Thank you so much for reading and commenting I really appreciate it.

J.B.B is online...

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word count: 4.1k

Warnings: none really.

“You need more friends. You only have three contacts saved on your phone.”

What his therapist said played over and over again in his mind. It’s not that Bucky didn’t want friends, it's just that once people realized who he was they wanted nothing to do with him or worse they had a morbid fascination with his past. He also didn’t know how to make connections with people now, he was in his 90s technically. What was he supposed to talk about? The correct way to hold a knife? Bucky had tried everything, going to bars, the park, letting his friends set him up on blind dates but it never ended well. Nat had suggested downloading some apps on his phone but he wasn’t a fan of social media. So he was back to square one.

Bucky walked into the shared living room of the avenger’s tower finding who he was looking for.

“Hey Nat.” He greets her as he takes a seat on the couch opposite her.

“Hey Buck, everything ok?”

“Yeah. I had another session and my therapist said I need to socialize more. Preferably with people outside of the whole avengers team. I just don’t know what to do.” He says, frustrated at the situation.

“Give me your phone.” She holds her hand out waiting until he does as she says. She types away for a few minutes.

“I don’t want social media.” He says but she ignores him.

“Here, it’s a messaging app that connects you to random people and you can just talk to them. It matches you based on your likes and interests.”

“Is this like tinder?” He asks as he looks at the app that’s open on the phone.

“Kind of but it’s just to make friends. Try it out and let me know.”

“Ok, I will.” He gets up and heads to his room. He stares at his phone once he settles into the desk chair in his room. His thumbs hovering over the screen while he decides what he’s going to do. He lets out a sharp breath and puts his phone down. Maybe he’ll try later but at the moment it feels like too much. Instead Bucky grabs the book he left on the desk and moves to his bed to read for a while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky was covered with sweat as he sat up in bed. The nightmares were starting to get worse again. Just when he was starting to find some peace while he slept they came back as a reminder of all the bad things he did. He knew he wouldn’t get back to sleep, turning on the lamp on his night stand and looking around, deciding on what he should do when he sees his phone. He sighs and grabs it and opens the app that Nat installed for him. Bucky scrolls through some matches when a message pops up.

I<3TWS: Hi!

J.B.B: Hi. How are you?

I<3TWS: I’m great. What are you up to?

Bucky looks at the message thinking about what he should say. Obviously saying he woke up from a nightmare was a big no.

J.B.B: Not much, just looking for someone to talk to. What does your username mean?

I<3TWS: It means I love The Winter Soldier.

J.B.B: You do? Why would you love him, isn’t he a murderer?

He’s scared to read the answer but part of him wonders what people really think of him.

I<3TWS: Who cares, have you seen him? He’s so hot and I wonder what he can do with his metal arm. 😏😉

~Blocked~

What the actual fuck. Bucky thought to himself. If that is what people were thinking he would rather not have friends. He sighs and is about to put his phone back down when another message pops up so he decides to try one more time. Seeing the username gave him a bad feeling but he’s determined to talk to one more person.

Slut4TWS: Hey, what’s up?

J.B.B: Not much. What are you up to?

Slut4TWS: doing some research, thought I’d take a break.

J.B.B: researching anything interesting?

Slut4TWS: Can I be completely honest?

J.B.B: absolutely.

Slut4TWS: I’m trying to figure out where the Winter Soldier likes to hang out outside of the tower. I’d love to meet him.

J.B.B: why is that?

Slut4TWS: to get to know him better.

Bucky wasn’t expecting that answer. Maybe this could turn out better than he expected.

Slut4TWS: I really want to know if he would choke me with his metal arm while he fucks me. 🥵🥵🥵

~Blocked~

Bucky puts his phone down, completely stunned by what this person just said. He lets out a frustrated groan as he gets up from bed, deciding to go to the gym instead.

~~~~~~~~~~

For the past week, every single night Bucky would wake up trying to escape his nightmares and every time he would log back on the app and it would be the same thing over again. People either accused him of being a murderer which he thinks he deserves, although he secretly hoped they would disagree with him, or just wanted to know what his arm could do. Some even explained to him in very explicit details what they wanted him to do to them with his left arm. Of course none of these people knew they were talking to the former assassin, they would probably shit their pants if they did, but it was still disappointing that he couldn’t find anyone that thought of him as just a man.

Bucky’s finger hovered over the app, he was considering deleting the damn thing. He thought that maybe his therapist would understand what he found and that it was ok to have three friends.

Steve pats him on the shoulder “Still deciding if you should delete that thing or not?”

“Yeah, you should see the things people say, mostly about my arm.” He scrunches up his face in disgust.

“That bad?”

“Whatever you’re thinking, make it 10x worse.” Bucky leans back on the couch tossing the phone to the side. “Weirdly enough I would rather people call me a murderer than the other stuff they’re saying.”

Bucky spends the rest of the afternoon with Steve as the rest of the team comes and goes. He completely forgets about deleting the app by the time he’s ready to go to bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The pleading of another victim wakes him up. Like every other night, cold sweat and shallow breaths. He runs his hands over his face to try and shake the image of their face from his memory. Bucky takes a quick shower to try and relax again, as he steps out of the bathroom his phone vibrates. He picks it up to see a notification from the app he should have deleted earlier. Sighing he decides that this will be the last time and if he has to block this message he’ll delete the app for good.

Y/UN: Hi.

J.B.B: Hi. What are you up to?

Y/UN: Couldn’t sleep and I can’t find my favorite book, it usually knocks me out. 😩

J.B.B: What do you do, hit yourself over the head with it until you pass out?

‘Hit yourself over the head with it?’ He was definitely out of practice when it came to socializing.

Y/UN: lol I never thought of that, maybe I should try it. What about you? What keeps you up at this time?

J.B.B: Honestly, nightmares. Question, what is lol?

Y/UN: It means laughing out loud. I thought what you said was funny. 😁

J.B.B: Oh, makes sense. I’m not really good with online chatter. I’m still learning how to use my phone.

Y/UN: I get it, there’s so many acronyms out there they get confusing. So what do you do for a living? If you don’t mind me asking.

Bucky wasn’t sure how to answer that. He could tell you the truth but he was afraid of your response. He decided on a half truth.

J.B.B: I’m a vet.

Y/UN: as in you work with animals or are retired from the military?

J.B.B: If you meet some of my friends you’d say both. One of them can be a real bird brain.

Y/UN: lol I bet that’s not true.

J.B.B: You’d agree with me if you met him.

The conversation flowed easily. There were no weird late night confessions Bucky had to worry about with you. Before he knew it he was sleepy again and he fell into a dreamless sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey Parker, C’mere.” Bucky calls out as Peter walks by the living area.

“Yes Mr. Wint-I mean Sergeant Barnes.” His heart is beating so hard it’s about to beat out of his chest.

“I need your help with some internet stuff, do you have a minute?”

“Yeah of course Sir.” He hurries into the living room and sits on the other end of the couch, fidgeting as he looks over at Bucky. “What can I help with?”

“Relax kid. I have a friend that I met online-“

“You really shouldn’t talk to strangers online. Sir.” He says nervously.

“I think I can handle myself, kid. What I need help with is things like lol and their meanings. Do you think you can help me?”

“Absolutely, let me get a pen and paper and make a list for you. I'll be right back sir.” Peter rushes out of the living room. When he returns he has a full list for Bucky.

“Thanks kid. Please don’t tell anyone you helped me with this.”

“Your secret is safe with me.”

It wasn’t.

The minute Sam heard about the list he started joking about it, but Bucky didn’t care as long as he could keep on talking to you he was willing to let Sam joke all he wanted. Instead Bucky had memorized the list for the next time he hopefully talked to you.

That night after another nightmare Bucky messaged you first. It was a good conversation. You learned a little bit more about each other, he learned your name and he introduced himself as James. Your favorite flower, best book and record stores. He told you about his love for 40s music and how he preferred books that were high fantasy, like the Hobbit. By the end of it Bucky finds himself sleeping peacefully for the second time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been a month since Bucky and you first started talking and you’ve gotten to know each other better. The conversations aren’t just at night anymore, you message back and forth all day if you can. Bucky still hadn’t told you that he was an Avenger and he was afraid of what your reaction might be and that made things a bit difficult for him. Like when he had to go on a three day mission and there could be no contact, that is how he learned what ghosting meant. After some apologizing on his part and explaining he was out on business everything was back to normal.

“I think you should tell her already.” Sam suggests.

“No one asked Sam.” Bucky says as he looks down at his phone waiting for your response.

“What harm could it do? I mean you’ve been talking for a month already.”

“Steve, you're supposed to be on my side.”

“I am Buck. And I think that you have been happier since you’ve been talking to her. I think it’s time you tell her the truth.”

“What if something more comes out of this friendship?” Sam asked.

“Like what?”

“Well it’s obvious you like her. What if she likes you too? Maybe you could ask her on a date.”

“There’s no way she would date someone like me.”

“I have to agree with Sam. You never know, this could be a good thing.”

“Fine, I’ll think about it.”

Bucky did like you but he didn’t think he deserved to have a happy life after everything. Even if he did, maybe you didn’t think of him in that way so it didn’t matter.

Y/UN: how much would I have to pay you in order for you to come save me from work?

J.B.B: That bad?

Y/UN: You have no idea. I’m going to die of boredom because of this meeting.

J.B.B: You can’t die on me now, who else am I going to talk to late at night?

Y/UN: What happened to bird brain?

J.B.B: He’s no fun.

Y/UN: Oops. I’ve been caught ttyl! 👋

Bucky doesn’t realize he’s smiling at his phone. He doesn’t know what it is about you but ever since you started talking he feels more like his old self.

“Hey Smiley, we have that briefing to get to.”

“Yeah yeah, I’m coming.” Bucky gets up and puts his phone in his pocket. He started considering telling you who he was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

J.B.B: How was the rest of your day?

Y/UN: I would rather have watched paint dry.

J.B.B: lol I thought you had work tomorrow shouldn’t you be sleeping?

Y/UN: no I took the day off so that I could have a three day weekend. 😏😏

J.B.B: That’s good. Any plans?

Y/UN: Yeah. I’ll probably hang out with some friends but other than that I have no big plans.

Bucky wasn’t sure why but wanted to meet you in person. Once he read that you were going to hang out with some friends, he wanted to be with one of those friends you spent your time with. He wanted to tell you who he was but he didn’t know how to start. He stared at his phone for a few minutes and decided to just start with the recent news reports about the Avengers and specifically him.

J.B.B: Have you seen the news reports about the Avengers recently? I’m still surprised they allowed that guy free.

Y/UN: Who do you mean?

J.B.B: The winter soldier. You’ve heard of him right?

Y/UN: Yes, but why shouldn’t he have his freedom? 🤨

J.B.B: Because he’s a murderer. That doesn’t scare you?

Y/UN: I don’t think he is. From what I read he was tortured and was forced to do those things. I don’t really think it’s fair to judge him based on something he was forced to do.

J.B.B: Wouldn’t you be scared of him, you know if you ever met the winter soldier?

Y/UN: No. How could I be scared of him if he works with the Avengers? Captain America himself risked everything to save him, that should count for something.

‘No.’ She wouldn’t be afraid of him. His heart starts beating faster. He wasn’t even sure where to go from there.

Y/UN: I don’t think it’s very fair of you to talk about someone like that. Especially someone who went through so much. It’s obvious he’s trying to make things right. Why are you talking about someone you don’t know like that?

J.B.B: Ok, there is something I need to tell you and I didn’t know how you would react. I wanted to know how you felt about someone like him.

Y/UN: What are you talking about?

J.B.B: What if I told you that I’m Bucky?

Y/UN: Are you joking?

J.B.B: No. I really am.

Y/UN: But you said your name is James.

J.B.B: Well yeah, my full name is James Buchanan Barnes. Everyone calls me Bucky. I do work with the Avengers.

Bucky sees the three little dots that means you’re typing appear and disappear a few times, and then nothing. He stares at the app just waiting for you to reply, to say anything at all but you don’t and now he thinks he’s ruined his chance of he doesn’t even know what. He just knows that he wants you to be in his life more than just a stranger in an app.

~~~~~~~~~~~

When Bucky woke up the next morning he hadn’t bothered to check his phone or else he would have seen that you messaged him. He had been hopeful when you didn’t think he was just some murderer but now he was regretting his decision.

Bucky spent the day going to his therapist appointment and planning a mission with Steve and Tony. Both men tried to reason with Bucky that you finding out must have just been a big shock to you. That he should message you again just in case.

When he was finally in his room he saw that you had reached out.

Y/UN: You aren’t lying to me right?

J.B.B: No I wouldn’t.

Y/UN: Is that why you get nightmares?

Bucky wasn’t sure how to respond to that. The three little bubbles popping up again.

Y/UN: You don’t have to answer that I’m sorry for asking.

J.B.B: It’s ok and yes I get nightmares because of everything that happened.

Y/UN: I’m sorry that you went through that.

J.B.B: It’s ok. It’s not your fault.

Y/UN: Still it’s something no one should go through.

Bucky stares at his phone. You didn’t block him, instead you wanted to be sure it was actually him. It was now or never he had to ask.

J.B.B: Thank you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky woke up panting, the sweat making his long hair stick to his forehead. He stared at the ceiling and forced back the tears. There was no way he would get back to sleep. It had been days since he actually got a decent night's sleep. In the nightmare induced blur he didn't bother to check the time or he would have known it was around 2:00 am. Bucky opens the app he’s been using to talk to you. At this moment he wished he had your number, maybe your voice could chase the guilt away.

J.B.B: Hey, I’m sorry to bother you but I needed someone to talk to. I hope that’s ok.

He wasn’t sure why it had to be her. Steve was right across the hall, he could have bothered his best friend. A few minutes pass and Bucky feels anxious that you haven’t answered so he puts his phone down and starts pacing. He dives towards the bed when he hears the notification.

Y/UN: You’re not bothering me. What’s wrong?

Bucky started by telling you that he had nightmares almost constantly. He answered any question you had. A part of him was still waiting for you to run for the hills. You didn’t invalidate his feelings of guilt, telling him that you understood why he felt that way while also reminding him that he was a good man. ‘Only bad people don’t feel guilt’ is what you told him. A short time later Bucky was able to fall asleep. This begins a new phase in your friendship, Bucky begins to message you more the nights of his nightmare and you message him more when you get anxious about certain things. There is a balance and he likes it, he likes reminding you that you’re a good person too. Because you are, it would have been easy to turn your back on him but you didn’t. And Bucky will forever be grateful for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been the midmorning on a Saturday when the conversation had started. The same few questions, did you sleep well? or how are you feeling today? When Bucky decided to just go for it.

J.B.B: I wanted to ask if maybe you’d like to get coffee some time?

A few minutes passed between when he sent the message and when you responded. Truth be told he had been more nervous in those few minutes than ever before. Bucky’s heart might as well have jumped out of his chest with how hard it was beating. Those three little dots that he had a love/hate relationship with finally appeared and he was almost scared to see the answer.

Y/UN: I’d love to, I’m free today if that works for you.

J.B.B: Yeah, that works. There’s a cafe by central park called Rosie's. We can meet there at 3:00.

Y/UN: See you then. I’ll have on a blue dress with daisies on it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky got even more nervous the closer he got to the cafe he had mentioned. Although he had gotten to know you over the last month, meeting in person was still nerve wracking. What if you had agreed to see him only to humiliate him in some way. Still he showed up with the hopes that this would go better than anything he had imagined. Bucky crossed the street looking into the huge windows of the cafe hoping to spot you inside. When he didn’t see anyone with the outfit you described on he started to regret the whole situation.

“James?” Bucky barely registered his name being called. “Bucky?”

He turns his head to find you crossing the street from the opposite way, just like you said, blue dress with daisies.

“Y/N?”

You nod, giving him a shy smile. Bucky can’t help but stare for a moment, you were kind, sweet and so smart and on top of that you’re beautiful. Now he’s nervous because how is he supposed to act normal and not turn into a blushing mess if you keep smiling at him like that. He clears his throat and extends his hand.

“These are for you.”

“Sunflowers, you remembered.” you smile again as you take the bouquet he brought. “That’s really sweet, thank you.”

“It’s nothing. Do you want to get something at the cafe and go to the park?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

Another smile and another hook on his heart, you’ll be the death of him if you keep that up. He opened the door for you and when you both ordered he paid. Bucky offers you his arm and you take it before crossing the street and head into the park. The conversation flows as easily in person as it did when he talked to you online. Jokes were shared and he talked about some things that had been mentioned in the chat.

“Oh that reminds me. I have a very serious question to ask.” You say after finding a bench near a pond.

“Ok, what’s your question?”

“Who is bird brain? Is it Falcon or Hawkeye?”

“You said it was a serious question.” Bucky chuckles.

“It is, now come on.”

“Well, now that I think about it they both fit the name but I was referring to Sam, Falcon, as bird brain.”

“Does he know you call him that?”

“I say it to his face all the time, darling.”

You giggled and the nickname gave you even more butterflies than you had when you first saw him in person. Soon the coffees were traded for actual dinner and more conversation. Somehow it felt like Bucky had known you for years. He felt comfortable around you which was rare and maybe it had to do with the fact that you hadn’t been afraid of him when he told you the truth or that you actually showed up. By the time you realized you needed to get home it was late. Bucky offered to take you home, which you accepted, ending the night with each other’s numbers, a kiss on the cheek and a smile. He kept the same goofy grin all the way back to the tower.

“We were about to send a search party for you Barnes.” Nat says as she looks up from the magazine she was flipping through.

“I assume it went well?” Steve asks as Sam and Nat wait for an answer.

“Yeah, she was really nice. We might meet up again.”

“You see I told you it would be a good thing.” Steve says with a smile.

They ask all sorts of questions about you, which he is happy to answer. After a few minutes Bucky headed to his room as he thought about the time he spent with you. He would have to thank his therapist for pushing him to meet someone new and Nat for helping him with the app. He takes his phone out and instead of going to the app he opens his messages.

Bucky: Good night darling.

Y/N: Good night Bucky. Sweet dreams, see you Sunday.

Bucky: It’s a date.

Permanent taglist: @kunaikunari @rebekahdawkins @cjand10 @nalny5 @oliviafc15 @sturchling @angywritesstuff @seitmai @writing-for-marvel @goldylions @darkhairedmenrule @teambarnes72

#bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barns imagine #bucky barns fanfiction #bucky barns x y/n #bucky barns x reader #the winter solider #bucky barnes request

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wandaromanova · 3 years ago

Text

Safety Net

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader x Wanda Maximoff

Warnings: cussing, that’s all!

A/N: hi! hope you guys enjoy this one. it was fun to write! happy reading <3

anon requested: Hello :) may i ask an one shot, where reader is really into physical affection and kinda touch starved, but because of their past or whatever wanda and natasha not like physical contact, so even though it hurts her reader try respects that and not ask for it, but then start to affect her and wandanat notice it and feels guilty, thank you love

Summary: Y/N L/N constantly craves affection. Her girlfriends? Not so much.

Word Count: 3K

| masterlist | request rules/guidelines | wips |

please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work. reblogs, likes, and comments are always welcome. <3

Ever since you were a child, there was a category that you had been severely lacking in; affection.

Your parents were two extremely wealthy, business moguls. They never had time to spend with you, opting to throw you at whatever nanny they had hired at the time.

Although your nannies were lovely women, they always remained professional. They never provided you with the affection that you craved, even if they had seen you as one of their own.

So, it was no surprise to yourself when you grew up, actively seeking out touch from the people you loved; your teammates.

You had become an Avenger a few years back. Thanks to the plethora of extracurricular activities your parents had placed you in to keep you out of their supervision, you’d ended up becoming extremely skilled in combat.

You were originally recruited as an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D, but were transferred into the Avengers Initiative.

Your boss, Nick Fury, had recognized your talent and felt you would make a perfect addition to the team of heroes. Admittedly, you were nervous before joining the group.

It wasn’t that you doubted your skills, definitely not. You could take down any person, of any size or training background, with ease.

With years of experience under your belt, you were able to anticipate your opponents’ next move and come up with a counterattack instantly.

You’d even managed to take Natasha Romanoff down during one of your first sparring sessions with her, and everyone that had been spectating was thoroughly impressed with your technique and agility.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Even the Black Widow herself, had praised you.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Speaking of Natasha, you had been dating her for over six months now. Oh, and you’ve also been dating Wanda Maximoff for the same amount of time.

No, you weren’t cheating on either of them. You were part of a polyamorous relationship, which some people approved and some didn’t.

The media had a field day when news got out that three Avengers were in a relationship with one another.

Your relationship was the talk of the town for quite some time and it kind of irked you. The media focused more on your love lives than the work you put in to keep the world safe.

Naturally, there were people who supported your relationship while others said it was unnatural, three women in a relationship. But honestly, none of you cared about others’ opinions.

The people you loved had accepted your relationship and that’s all that mattered.

Was being in a relationship with two women amazing? Yes, absolutely.

Was being in a relationship with two women easy? Absolutely not.

•❅────────────── ᗢ ‎⧗ ───────────────❅•

Wanda and Natasha had extremely difficult backgrounds. Their pasts haunted them every day and you completely understood and sympathized with them.

You were the person that comforted both of the women during their lowest points.

Natasha would come to you whenever her nightmares had kept her up at night. Before you two started dating, she’d sneak into your room in the late hours of the night and squeeze herself under your covers.

You’d wake up and observed the shaking assassin beside you. Confused, and still filled with exhaustion, you’d sit and wait for her to speak, even if you didn’t expect her to.

Surprisingly, she did end up speaking. She’d talk to you about her nightmares. Your heart ached for her as she’d relive her dream, tears streaming down her face.

You wanted nothing more than to hold her in your arms, but you knew better. At that point in time, you had no idea where the boundaries or touch lied, and you didn’t want to risk upsetting her more.

So, you’d sit there quietly and listen attentively. You’d hum every now and again, to let her know that you were still with her and you weren’t going anywhere.

In all honesty, the first time Natasha crept into your bed, you were fucking terrified and nearly punched her in the face. However, it eventually became a sort of nightly ritual for both of you.

Around 2AM, Natasha would sneak into your room and you’d already have a space available for her.

The redhead would smile, despite the residual fear from her previous slumber, and hop into bed beside you, making sure to keep her distance.

Over time, she’d stopped coming into your room at 2AM. Natasha would end up coming into your room as you were getting ready for bed.

Instead of falling asleep alone, you’d ended up falling asleep with Natasha by your side. There were no more creaking doors in the dead of the night that were accompanied by silent footsteps.

You’d get a full night of rest with the redhead. And the best part about the change in your shared pattern?

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Natasha’s nightmares stopped.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You were like a repellent to all of Natasha’s negative thoughts. Whenever you were around, she would be filled with a sense of security and assurance that she’d never experienced before.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Your caring nature and unwavering attentiveness was Natasha’s safety net.

•❅────────────── ᗢ ‎⧗ ───────────────❅•

As for Wanda, she would come to you whenever her powers became too much. She was able to hear other people’s thoughts. She’s gotten pretty good at shutting out other’s minds, but some thoughts were louder than others.

And living with a bunch of people with trauma and heroic agendas meant that everyone thought very very loud.

So, you’d be relaxing somewhere in the middle of the day and Wanda would approach you. She’d be extremely tense and her eyes would be brimming with tears.

You’d stop everything you were doing to be there for her. Wanda would silently gesture towards you, and you’d nod as you closed your eyes.

Wanda would lift her hand up to your head, not touching you, but if she were to move a bit forward, her hand would touch your temple.

She always liked going into your mind. It was easy for her to focus on yours and drown out the others.

You’d think of one of your favorite childhood memories. Like one time, you had a crush on a girl in your Taekwondo class.

You’d tried to impress her by breaking a board with your bare hands, but that backfired immensely.

You were about ten years old at the time, so the instructors had your class practice on softer wood. However, you had tried to break a board that was meant for the advanced classes.

You realized this instantly when instead of hearing the sound of wood breaking, you heard your bone break instead.

You cried like a baby and your crush laughed at you. You were extremely embarrassed about that memory up to this day. You swore you’d never let anyone know about it, but you wanted nothing more than to comfort Wanda.

You’d open your eyes at the sound of Wanda’s laughter and you’d felt a sense of pride when her frown was replaced with a bright smile.

“Wow, you were a real lady’s woman back then, weren’t you?” The Sokovian would tease you, a blush appearing on your cheeks.

“Shut up. I thought it was one of the flimsy boards!” You’d pout and Wanda would teasingly coo, pinching your cheek for a split second before retreating your hand.

“I’m never letting you live that down.” Wanda watched as you rolled your eyes at her, a grunt surpassing your lips.

“Ugh, I figured as much.” Wanda let out a hearty laugh at your annoyance, her eyes lighting up from your playful banter.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Your ability to drown out the chaos plaguing her mind was Wanda’s safety net.

•❅────────────── ᗢ ‎⧗ ───────────────❅•

Now, remember how you said it wasn’t easy being with two women? Well, that’s only because you were dating two rather closed-off beauties.

Because of their pasts, they tended to avoid affection at all costs, even from you.

The most you ever got out of the pair was a peck on the lips or a brush of their arms as they sat beside you during movie night. Other than that, you’d never had any true form of physical connection with either of them.

Of course, you completely understood why they were this way, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt you any less.

You absolutely loved touch, it was your love language and something you severely lacked throughout your childhood.

You’d hug your teammates as much as you could. Sometimes even cuddling up next to Bucky or Steve whenever you’d be hanging out with them on the couch.

No one thought anything of your behavior, it was simply who you were.

Your girlfriends though? As much as you wanted to be wrapped up in their warm embraces, you never tried to ask.

You were aware of how sensitive the topic of affection was to your girlfriends. You’d never force them to do something that they weren’t comfortable with, regardless of how innocent your needs were.

All you wanted was to cuddle up between the two women you had grown to love, their perfumes invading your senses as you were surrounded by their strong arms and the warmth of a fluffy blanket.

Was that so much to ask for? Well, apparently, it was. That may sound like you’re petty, but you weren’t. You were just hurting.

You’d reach out to hold Natasha’s hand and immediately jerk your hand back, mentally scolding yourself for even attempting the action.

You’d go to hug Wanda from behind while she made breakfast, but then you’d just walk past her with a small cough to cover up your embarrassed, flushed state.

As hard as you tried to be okay with the conditions of your relationship, it eventually took its toll on you.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Which didn’t go unnoticed by Wanda and Natasha.

•❅────────────── ᗢ ‎⧗ ───────────────❅•

It started out with little things.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You weren’t around as much which the two women brushed off. You were allowed to get busy and they didn’t think anything of it. They were Avengers themselves so they knew better than anyone that the workload was unpredictable.

Your schedule had changed drastically. Before, you’d train with Natasha in the mornings before bolting to the kitchen to prepare some coffee for the three of you.

However, over the past week, you didn’t show up for training and your girlfriends entered the kitchen to an empty coffee pot.

They’d found out that you had been training with Sam, who went in after Natasha. You opted to drink orange juice instead of coffee in the morning, which was unusual, considering you didn’t care for orange juice.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Coffee was your favorite.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Wanda and Natasha finally confirmed that something was indeed bothering you, during one of the weekly team movie nights.

•❅────────────── ᗢ ‎⧗ ───────────────❅•

Everyone had been settled into their usual spots, you were the last to arrive.

You’d walked into the living room, looking pretty drained. Your posture was slumped, there were dark circles beneath your eyes, you had a straight face on, and you just looked all around tired.

Natasha and Wanda were excited. After getting small glimpses of you throughout the week, they were excited to finally be able to have you sat beside them again.

However, their eyes widened when you walked past them and sat beside Peter.

It was then that the pair realized that you weren’t just upset, but you were upset with them.

You always sat beside them. Normally, you’d be the first to sit down, leaving the spaces beside you empty for them to occupy, but that didn’t happen tonight.

As the movie began, the two women couldn’t stop glancing at you, worry seeping from their eyes.

You were completely zoned out, not even focusing on the movie. If it were a regular movie night, you’d be watching the screen enthusiastically and barking out random commentary, but you were different.

And your girlfriends were desperate to find out what they had done to push you away.

But little did they know, it wasn’t what they did, but what they didn’t do, that had been affecting you.

•❅────────────── ᗢ ‎⧗ ───────────────❅•

2 hours later

Movie night was over. After two hours of arguing between the team over being Team Edward and Team Jacob, you all managed to get through the first Twilight movie before calling it a night.

Natasha and Wanda stayed in their spots as everyone stood up, noticing that you hadn’t moved yet.

As everyone filed out of the room, your girlfriends’ gazes were locked on you.

You were leaning against the back of the two-seater catch, your head thrown back and your eyes closed as you relaxed.

Wanda and Natasha shared a look before the former assassin decided to break the silence.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Is everything okay, moya lyubov (my love)?”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Your eyes opened slowly as you looked their way for the first time tonight. Your gaze was weary, a sign of your exhaustion.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” You mumbled out, twirling with your thumbs in your lap.

Boom. A dead giveaway that you were hiding something. The two women knew you like the back of their hand, so they knew when you were withholding information.

“I don’t know, you tell us, detka (baby).” Wanda spoke softly and made sure to keep her tone light, to avoid coming off as rude or argumentative.

“It’s stupid, it’s nothing to worry about. I’m gonna head to bed.” You quickly brushed off the conversation.

You stood up and aimed to walk past them and toward the corridor, but Natasha was quick to grab your wrist, preventing your departure.

Your body relaxed at the contact and the pair noticed this. Suddenly, it clicked in their minds.

You’d told them about how lonely your childhood had been, during the earlier stages of your relationship.

They knew that you didn’t have your parents around often, or at all, really. They knew about your touchy nature that stemmed from the scarcity of affection in the past.

They knew and yet, they failed to take your needs into consideration.

It bothered and pained the two women more than you’d ever know. You always found ways to comfort them and make them feel loved, but they failed to do the same for you.

You never asked for much. All you wanted was their attention and affection and they couldn’t even give you that.

They were frustrated with themselves and vowed to do better, because you deserved nothing but love, and to be smothered with affection.

“Honey, please sit down. If something is upsetting you, then it’s not stupid. It’s important.”

Wanda spoke pleadingly, patting the spot between her and Natasha.

With a sigh, you moved and sat down between them, Natasha’s hand still firmly gripping your wrist. You stared at Wanda in surprise when she slowly slipped her hand into yours, intertwining your fingers and gripping firmly.

“Talk to us. You know we’ll always be here for you.” Natasha spoke from beside you, your head turning to look between her and the Sokovian. You gulped and let out a shaky breath.

“I- I just… god now that I’m saying it out loud it’s so fucking dumb, but… I just want to be able t- fuck.”

You struggled to express the things that had been clouding your mind throughout the duration of your relationship. You really did feel stupid.

While your two girlfriends had been through some of the worst experiences at such young ages. Natasha didn’t even know who her parents were and Wanda’s parents died in a tragic accident.

Yet, here you were, all bent out of shape over not receiving affection which was a result of your present, but also absent, parents. I’m sure Wanda and Natasha wish they could say the same.

You felt like such an idiot for making a big deal out of something extremely small in comparison to their trauma.

“Breathe, baby. Take your time.” Wanda’s voice soothed you. It took a minute to gather yourself before speaking once more.

“I know you guys aren’t keen on affection, but I am. Physical touch brings me comfort and it’s been upsetting me that I can’t be close with the two women I want to be closest to.”

Natasha and Wanda frowned as their suspicions were confirmed; you were upset that they weren’t exactly close to you.

“Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand that you guys don’t want what I want. I’m just being a little bitch… let’s just forget it.”

You tried to retrieve your hands from the two women, but Wanda held your hand tighter while Natasha’s clenched around your wrist.

“We just didn’t know that you’d been feeling this way, Y/N/N. I’m sorry we didn’t realize sooner. You know you can come to us for anything, long talks or hugs, we’ll do it for you.”

Your eyes lit up at Natasha’s words, your eyes scanning hers for any hint of a lie, but you saw none.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you guys to feel forced to touch me just because it’s what I want, you should do it only if you guys want to.”

Wanda let out a small giggle at your words while Natasha smirked, her eyebrow arched up perfectly.

“Honey, you should be telling yourself that. You neglected your desires for our own.”

Wanda’s tone was teasing and you let out a small breath, a smile plastered across your face.

“There’s nothing we want more than to have you in our arms, printsessa (princess).”

Natasha placed a soft kiss on the tip of your nose and you practically melted at the contact.

Wanda pulled your conjoined hands up to her lips and her soft lips brushed against the skin before pressing gently.

Natasha let go of your wrist, snaking her arm around your waist while Wanda’s wrapped around your shoulders.

The Sokovian used her powers to retrieve a blanket from a nearby chair, placing it over the three of you, the cold air being kept out by the fluffy blanket.

You closed your eyes slowly, a content and happy sigh falling past your lips.

This is exactly what you wanted; to be crushed between the two women you valued most, the feeling of their love and the smell of their perfume overwhelming you in the best way possible.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Their arms were your safety net.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

───────── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────────

taglist: @ledollarbean-em @q-hearts @perfectromanoff @aliancvnas @ultimateskyscraper @marvelwomenslut @chaekhan @rvselie @brieswife @imasimpfornatashamaximoff @prentisshoe @mcubreakdown101 @multiyfandomgirl40 @kindofasimp @007giu @weelight @puppy-danvers2016 @acertainredhead @jdougl-love @mindofwesley @shatteredlovesick @lostandsearching @tquick99 @rachel146 @illloveyou @thewidowsghost @uraveragelonelygay @useless-wlw-fangirl @pattypavo @wandasgirlfriend @olicity-boo @summergeezburr @ycfwmalise14 @suki-is-a-queen @xxromanoffxx @b-5by5 @hagridsmomma @chasethemoon @blurryylines @spxncervibes @yeeterthekeeper @onceattwice @maximoff-jp

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #natasha romanoff x reader fluff #wanda maximoff x reader fluff #wandanat x reader #request done

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skeletondeerart · 3 years ago

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May We Meet in the Next Life My Beloved

Aloy x Fem Reader | Word Count: 2978 Words

Warmth was the first thing I felt as the Sun reared its head over the mountainside, yet it wasn’t the Sun’s rays that stirred me from my slumber, no, for it was my red-headed lover whose arms where circled around my torso holding me in place. Even if her eyes where shut she knew I had awoken, a tell-tale being her pulling me tighter to her chest and pulling the covers over our heads. At that moment is when she decided to open her emerald eyes. Even in the darkness of the covers I saw the pure adoration reflected in her irises as she cups my cheek and runs her thumb over my cheek bone.

“I was thinking of doing something different for breakfast this morning, care to join me?” Aloy spoke softly. I simply smiled and nodded my head as I pulled the both of us out of the darkness and began to put on some loose-fitting clothes and brushing through my hair. I could hear the rummaging of Aloy going through her stash as she also changed, I couldn’t resist to subtly turn my head to peek at her bare back.

“Hey, don’t think I don’t see you~” Aloy jested as she slipped on her shirt. I whipped my head straight again, my features burning as hot as an open flame.

We both headed into the main living area once we were fully dressed, yet it seemed that everyone was still asleep in their quarters even if most of the group were early risers. To be honest I kind of preferred a quiet morning to just Aloy and I. Sometimes Erend’s ‘morning heavy metal sessions’ were a little too much.

Aloy grabbed a satchel from one of the shelves pre-stocked with various foods such as bread rolls and fruits and took hold of my hand taking me out of the base and up the mountainside.

“What about the Sunwings? Isn’t their nest up at the peak?” I questioned looking at Aloy’s profile.

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that, I’ve already cleared them out yesterday.” Aloy spoke confidently a small smirk evident as she glances at me out of the corner of her eye. Even after all this time we have been together Aloy always found a way to fluster me, it was comical of how many times my face would flush a vibrant crimson when I was with her. I feel like a young teenager basking in their first romantic encounter, I knew deep down inside me that she was going to be my forever; I hope she thinks the same about me.

As my mind ran wild, we reached the peak, the crisp snow untouched by another soul and the Sun peaked over the crest of the mountain side with orange and red tones. Dawn was such a beautiful time of day. Aloy didn’t let go of my hand as she guided me to the overhang. Her ginger hair glowing in the morning rays, she seemingly glowed as if she was not of this world, like a goddess…

Aloy turned her head and looked towards me over her shoulder, and I never thought that I could fall in love with her all over again. She was ethereal, she cast me a lopsided smile as I stand there like a stunned machine. By the time I had been released from the clutches of adoration Aloy had already laid out the picnic. The blanket embroidered with glowing blue machine wires and crafted out of the softest of pelts, even though Aloy was more function over aesthetic it seemed she had put in the effort of making the platter of food look irresistible, laying out the various assortments in very visually appealing way.

She leaned heavily on one of her arms and looked at me, as if to silently ask me to sit down, and I do just that. Taking my place beside her I rest my side into hers as my eyes move to the sunrise once more. Aloy’s eyes shift to the sunrise as well and she lightly exhales. My eyes drift back to her as my eyebrows furrow in worry.

“Are you alright my love?” I ask tentatively as my hand slips in hers to prompt her to tell me what’s wrong. As I spoke Aloy meekly looked at me, that was quite worrying as Aloy always exudes a confidence in everything she did, having her look at me this way was quite unusual. Aloy just looked at me solemnly like she already anticipated my reaction.

“We need two essential components to build vital equipment for storming the Zeniths… that being an Apex Thunderjaw and Tremourtusk heart, there is a site where they were both spotted.” She states in a straightforward manner. “If we don’t retrieve these parts our sacrifices will be for nothing, and humanity will lose, we cannot afford that. I’m heading out tomorrow and that’s final.”

“Al-…”

“No” Aloy spoke sharply, yet she did not break eye contact. She was completely serious.

“I know what you’re going to say, and I forbid you. You will be looking after the rest of the team at the base. You will not be coming with me this time, it’s just too dangerous.” There was a bite in her words, not from anger but from fear. I knew that she was scared at the prospect of fighting two massive Apex machines at the same time. I suspect she thinks that I will get myself killed if I tag along.

“… I know Varl’s death has scared you… of losing anyone else you love. We all hurt with his absence, but you must understand that this isn’t the way to approach this. These machines are dangerous, and it’s almost impossible to take them down single handed.” I spoke gently trying to soothe Aloy.

“Don’t you see that I’m trying to protect you!?!” Aloy’s voice was beginning to rise. I sat there shocked, my limbs suddenly became as heavy as lead and my tongue felt like it had swollen and began to suffocate me. I turn my head down in shame and stare at the apples that lay by my tightly woven hands, fingernails pressing into my flesh as I try to quell oncoming tears. The atmosphere around us had turned sour like acid. Aloy finally looked at me and her speech ceased immediately upon seeing my face. I didn’t have the strength to pull my head up again, all I could do was glance at her through my lashes. Her expression was now stained into the back of my eyelids for the rest of my life.

Regret.

Her eyes were dull and glassy, hidden within a whirlpool of self-hatred and loathing. Her eyebrows furrowed in agony as her supple cheeks flush with the appearance of her unshed tears, her lips parted in unspoken words as she grappled for anything to say to me. Her hands gripped at her tense thighs, fingers bunching into the furs of her pants.

I simply couldn’t take it anymore and my limbs suddenly gained their ability to move once more. I fell into Aloy’s arms as I let out visceral sobs into her hair as I bury my tear sodden cheeks into the crook of her neck. Aloy sat there stunned for a moment before wrapping her arms around me and began slowly rocking me back and forth as she didn’t know what else to do.

We stayed there for what felt like a moment but by the time I lifted my head from her shoulder the sun was so longer there, replaced with rainclouds that consumed the once crystal sky. Rain showered down from the Heavens on our sorrowful souls. Yet it was not unwelcomed, quite the opposite actually.

The beginnings of a smile adorned my tear-stricken face as I hold out my palm to feel the water droplets make contact my searing skin. I leaned back from Aloy who had not moved from the embrace from when I initiated it, she meekly rose her head to meet my eyes as I held out my hand for her.

“I forgive you Aloy; I understand you’re just worried for me, and I thank you for that. The past is the past and I think we should make the most of the time we have with each other in this moment. Don’t you think so too?” I spoke with a smile.

Aloy smiled back at me and took my hand in a firm grip, I haul her to her feet, and she lets out a giggle as she stands up right. That only made me smile wider. I hated it when Aloy would begin to break under the title of ‘saviour’, and I tried my best to take care of her, just like I promised her when I married her.

The rain had picked up and soaked us to the bone, yet in that moment we didn’t have a care in the world.

It was just us.

Aloy and I.

Two wayward souls intertwined by events out of our control, for better and for worse we would be there for each other. That day two lovers danced in the rain like they were the only people on earth.

It was truly beautiful.

As dusk approached, we both made our way down the mountain hands intertwined and slighting swinging in the brittle breeze of the frozen mountains. Changing into warmer sleep wear we laid down in our shared bed and tucked the thick blankets tight to our forms. Even in the confines of the base the chilling air seemed to seep through the steel. Muttering sweet words until Aloy had succumbed sleep.

I commit Aloy’s features to memory, the tiny scar above her right eyebrow from a stone, the freckles that spotted her forehead, cheeks, and nose. The way her eyelashes fluttered slightly with her dreams and the way her red hair settled on her brow as strands from her intricate braid came loose in her slumber. I couldn’t help but shed tears as my mind reeled back to what was to become of tomorrow. I was terrified that she would die, I knew this was a silly thought considering all that my love has been through in her almost twenty years on this Earth, yet I couldn’t help but worry, it’s what lovers do for their other half. I was scared I would end up in the same situation as poor Zo.

At that though I gingerly pressed a kiss to Aloy’s forehead as I watched her brows furrow at the sensation. The corner of my lips turned up in a fragile smile as I press my front into Aloy and close my eyes falling into the warm and welcome arms of sleep, as my mind fades from consciousness I feel the subtle embrace of Aloy pulling me just that bit tighter.

It was the dawn of the following day, I could sense Aloy shifting me delicately out of her arms as she placed blankets in place of her. I kept my eyes shut as my ears hear her pull her armour off her stand and sheath her arrows in her quiver, the faint clinging of metal against metal as she moved carefully around me. Once she had gathered all her supplies I felt her kneel down on the bed and press a delicate kiss on my temple and at that she left.

I kept still for a while to ensure she wouldn’t sense I was following her, and once I felt like I was in the clear I sat up in bed and placed my focus on my temple. I prepare my acid gear as I knew what machines I would face, and I headed out.

Kotallo and Erend were playing machine strike in the living quarters when I exited our shared room. Erend looked like he wanted to say something, but he quickly banished the thought when he saw the look on my face. He only pointed to the West exit with his thumb and moved another piece on the board looking back to the match. Kotallo only gave me a curious quirk of the brow as I sped walked out the door.

The frigid air seemed even more suffocating than the day before, yet I pushed on and activated my focus, I could see Aloy’s tracks head through Tenakth territory I sighed seeing the long trek I would have to take to catch up with her. I place my fingers into my mouth and let out a whistle; a Sunwing quickly flew above me and picked me up in its claws. I mount quickly and gain altitude as to ensure if I catch up with Aloy I wouldn’t be spotted.

Flying over the sands on Scalding Spear we enter the forests of the Lowlands, the suffocating humidity of the forest caught in my lungs like adhesive, flying as close to the trees as I could I lost sight of Aloy’s trail, with a huff I jumped off the back of the Sunwing and pulled out my shieldwing. With grace I didn’t know I had I lightly made contact the ground. Once again activating my focus I regain sight of her trail. Following the tracks I come to a tunnel in a mountain, cautiously walking inside it exits into a basin, walls encasing machines and people alike.

That’s when I saw it. I flush of red hair laying unmoving in the stealth grass. I wouldn’t have spotted her if not for her shining helmet.

“ALOY!” My voice had betrayed me as the Thunderjaw and Tremourtusk’s heads snapped in my direction. I hastily nocked an acid arrow and fired it towards the Thunderjaw’s cannons to distract it away from Aloy’s body. I didn’t notice Aloy wearily lifting her head from the grass and her eyes widening in shock.

“(Y/N)! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!” I hear Aloy scream as she tried to pull herself up. “LEAVE ME, I CAN’T WATCH YOU DIE BECAUSE OF ME!” Her screams morphed in coughing as blood caught in her lungs. I can’t afford to spare her a look as I launch acid shredders at the Thunderjaw and spring explosive tripwires in the path of the Tremourtusk. I knew I didn’t have a change in surviving if both attacked me at once. Groaning as I let loose tear arrows trying desperately to dislodge the Thunderjaw’s cannons. That’s when the Thunderjaw charged… towards the patch of grass where Aloy lay helpless. A pained scream leapt from my throat rivalling a Longleg screech as I dove for Aloy and shoving her out of the way of the sweeping tail of the Thunderjaw.

That’s when it happened.

My body flung across the field and landed with a sickening crack and my vision went black for a moment. My hearing was cloudy like my ears where stuffed with cotton as my body rolled to a stop. My skin torn from and bruised from the blunt force of the Thunderjaw’s sweep appendage and skidding across stone and steel.

I hear Aloy screaming for me as I turn my head to face her, her desperately dragging her broken body across the field to lay to rest beside my form. Even though Aloy’s legs where practically obliterated she came back to me… I’m so lucky to call her my Wife. My eyes can’t seem to focus on anything anymore, my vision dotting around the edges as my head simply rolls around in shock. My body felt weak, so weak I couldn’t even focus of the features of my beloved. Yet I managed to crack a love drunk, dopey smile as tears cascade down her cheeks as she rips her own armour to attempt in staunching the blood pouring out of my torso. She pulls me into her lap even as she bits down on her cheek as she jostles her shattered bones.

We knew deep down we wouldn’t make it out alive, yet that didn’t stop Aloy to desperately clutching onto the hope that I would survive. Blood painted her lips as she continued to cough blood and wheeze, I had a feeling her ribs had punctured her lungs at some point. I could feel my ribs pierced through the skin of my torso and I knew I was running out of time.

I gathered all my strength and gently took hold of Aloy’s hands that press into my wound, with delicate movements I bring her hand up to my bloodied mouth and kissed her now purple fingers.

“Its’s ok my love…” I simple state, my voice warped and almost unrecognisable.

With a sigh and a grief-stricken expression Aloy gingerly lays down beside me, grasping desperately onto each other as eternal sleep waited with open arms. Our broken bodies continuing to bleed out into the grass, staining the once vibrant greens of ones of striking crimson. The world had long since faded from focus as it was just us once again.

Two wayward souls intertwined by events out of our control.

I wasn’t scared of the prospect of death; all things must die sometime and if I have my love beside me, I knew I would be ok. With a final look into each other eyes I whisper cupping her cheek with my blood sodden hand.

“Let’s fall in love again in the next life my love…”

“… that sounds just wonderful…”.

Finally, we let out our final breaths and hold each other in our arms. My eyes glazed over as I eventually succumb to the waiting hands of the reaper. Yet Aloy did not cry, for she smiles gently as she closes her eyes as well, walking beside me… even in the afterlife.

May We Meet in the Next Life My Beloved.

#Aloy x reader #aloy x fem reader #horizon zero dawn #horizon forbidden west #x reader #aloy x reader #angst #comfort #death #hzd #hfw #fanfiction #fanfic #aloy #ps4 #playstation

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watchmegetobsessed · 4 years ago

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Crash Course - Bucky Barnes

a/n: this one? im in LOVE with this fic and im not even ashamed of it. there is just something about the MC helping him get used to living in the new century and im a sucker for it. so please enjoy this fluffy piece!

pairing: Bucky X Reader

word count: 3.6k

summary: Bucky is a regular at the café where you work at and seeing him struggling with technology, you offer to help him, teaching him the basics while you are both thinking about taking it a little further than just a crash course.

masterlist

The time between the morning rush and lunch time is always quiet, the café is almost completely empty, that’s why Bucky prefers to go out during that time, tuck himself away in the corner of the small but cozy place, a black coffee steaming on the wooden table in front of him, his laptop or a book or his phone reserving his attention, whatever he decides to put his energy into that day.

Today has been a rainy day, therefore the morning was a lot quieter than usually, not many likes to make an extra trip for a coffee in the pouring rain, so you’ve been enjoying the calmness, the soft jazz music playing through the speakers as you are putting away the freshly washed cups behind the counter. As if he has an appointment, Bucky walks into the café with a laptop under his arm, his cap hiding part of his face, but you can still see the shy smile on his lips as he closes the door behind him, the little bell chiming for a second time at his arrival.

“Welcome back, the usual?” you ask as he heads to his spot.

“Yes please,” he nods, shooting you a thankful smile.

You try to ignore the little butterflies in your stomach at the sight of the man, it’s almost ridiculous how you still get nervous when you see him, even though he has been showing up every day at the same time for the past about two months. You just can’t help it, there’s just something in those ocean eyes and perfect manner he always treats you with, something you don’t often get these days. Not many take the time to ask about your day or wish you a good one after you hand them their coffee, but Bucky is different. The same question falls from his lips every time you appear at his table with his order.

“How has your day been going?” he asks when you place the cup next to his laptop that’s loading.

“Pretty quiet, the rain keeps people away,” you chuckle, hoping your blush is not as apparent as it feels. “What about yours?”

“Just the same as usual,” he smiles softly and you nod, though you have no idea what’s usual for him. He might be friendly and quite welcoming when he is sitting at the café, he often chats with you about anything and everything, yet still, you know near nothing about him and his life outside of this place. It’s clear he is the kind of person that prefers to keep things to himself, but sometimes you are so desperate for just the smallest crumb of information about him. With the lack of details, you often find yourself making up things about him, like what his favorite dish is, where he likes to shop, what shows he watches on the TV. You might be entirely wrong about all of these, but it’s all you have.

Moving back behind the counter you busy yourself with cleaning it off as Bucky’s attention shifts to the screen in front of him. There are only two more customers in there and they are quite locked away in their own world as well, a college student working on some kind of assignment on her second espresso and an old lady solving Sudoku at the table near the window, sipping on a nice latte.

You can’t help but glance in his direction every now and then as you move the muffins around on the counter. He seems deeply focused, eyebrows knitted together as he is clicking away on the computer. From the looks of it, he is solving some kind of enigma, but when you walk past his table you see that he has an email open on the screen, his cursor moving around kind of aimlessly.

“Not finding the right words?” you ask, stopping to clean the table next to his that was previously occupied by a young couple. His eyes snap up to you before he huffs shaking his head.

“No, I’m just… terribly bad at IT stuff and I’m supposed to “CC” someone on this email,” he explains, using his fingers to air-quote as he glances back at the screen. “But if I’m being honest I don’t even know what it means,” he admits with a nervous chuckle.

You find it amusing, even cute that he is like an old man with these stuff. You’ve seen him struggling to type in a text message before on his flip phone that’s from the last century for sure and now this.

Placing the tray of cups down on the table you move over to him, taking the free chair next to him as you reach for the laptop, but you stop before touching it.

“May I…?”

“Go ahead,” he gestures with a nod.

You turn the device towards yourself as you click a few times, bringing up the option to send a copy of the email to another receiver.

“CC means that more people get the same email. You can put their addresses here. But you can also BCC people, in that case, the original receiver won’t see if the email was sent to others as well,” you explain patiently. Bucky tries his best to focus on the screen and what you’re saying, rather than the way your lips are moving and how badly he wants to taste them.

You haven’t been the only one feeling flustered and like a giddy teenager and Bucky didn’t choose this café as his usual spot for nothing. He spotted you the first time he stumbled in and the way you smiled brightly at everyone and the sweet chiming of your laughter made him want to come back the moment he stepped out that day. So he returned the next day and then the next day again… and now he couldn’t even imagine a day without seeing your eyes light up when he walks in while he can only hope you are just as happy to see him as he is to see you.

You help him send his email and you cheer in victory once it’s done and sent.

“See? It’s not as hard as it seems,” you smile at him gently, patting his arm that’s covered by a hoodie and your eyes fall onto his gloved hands on the tabletop.

“Yeah, I just have a lot of catching up to do from the past seven decades,” he mumbles under his breath, though he immediately regrets not keeping his mouth shut.

Your eyes flicker to his hand once again, then up to meet his gaze and he knows he just outed himself. He is expecting the usual: disgust, disappointment, even fear. That’s how most people react when they find out who he really is. But as he stares back at you, scared like a little kitten, you just smile back at him softly.

It’s not that you haven’t heard of the Avengers, because it’s impossible not to know who they are. You were just not expecting one of them to become a regular at your working place. The few times you saw him on TV he had long hair and his face was covered with a mask, so you’re not surprised you didn’t put the picture together. But knowing now who he is, you don’t see him in a worse lighting. If anything, you feel a little sad that he had to go through so much in his extremely long life.

“Well, feel free to ask any more questions. I’m not an IT guy, but I can help you with everyday stuff,” you tell him and he is in awe at your very normal, very sweet reaction. All he can do is nod as you stand from the table and grab the tray you abandoned not long ago, moving back behind the counter.

When you glance up your gaze meets his as he is still staring at you, nervous, a little anxious, but definitely relieved by your smooth reaction to finding out his identity. You shoot him a bright smile before moving to the table of the old lady who asks for another latte and as Bucky follows your frame move across the room he can’t help the small smile that tugs on his lips.

Your offer doesn’t stay unused. In fact, Bucky shows up at the café the next few days with a handful of questions for you, genuine ones, and a few he already knows the answer to, but wants to hear you explain them anyway. And you help him with anything, sitting at his table whenever you have a few free minutes between customers. He asks you about the internet, social media, online data bases and sources, going through a list from the little notebook he always keeps with himself.

The times spent with him are your favorite part of the day. You always look forward to whatever issue Bucky is going to bring up, fearing that one day he might run out of questions, but that just never comes. And you don’t know it, but your little sessions are the highlights of his days as well, listening to your smooth voice as you explain even the smallest things to him with so much patience, he is convinced you should become a teacher.

He thinks about asking you out every day, the question is always on the tip of his tongue.

What are you doing tonight? Would you want to go out with me? Do you want to grab a bite with me after your shift?

However he just never gets to actually say the words out loud. He is growing impatient with himself, he used to have no problem with asking girls out, but seven decades and another life as a brain-washed assassin later, this task feels way too impossible.

You’ve been telling him to get a smartphone for the past couple of days and though he seemed adamant, one day he shows up with a brand new one, still in the box.

“Oh my God, is that what I think it is?” you tease him with a dramatic gasp. Chuckling to himself he nods as he places the box to the counter while you are making the order of one of the customers. Today has been a little busier than usually, probably because of the special offer of 10% off from the new Cuban coffee beans your boss ordered in.

“I need a teacher to show me the ropes though.”

“Oh, Bucky, I would love to, but today is a bit crowded,” you pout as you put the lid onto the paper cup and hand it over to the customer, another one already walking in, eyeing the offer written on the black board behind you.

He didn’t even think you wouldn’t say yes, it never occurred to him that the timing might not be the best. You see as his smile slowly disappears from his scruffy face and your heart breaks seeing him like this.

“Yeah, sorry. Don’t want to keep you up,” he mumbles feeling defeated, but before he could grab the box from the counter, you put your hand on it, your fingers brushing against his gloved one, the tiny touch making both of you flustered.

“But how about after work?” you suggest and his eyes immediately light up. Spending time with you without any customers interrupting? That sounds like heaven to him.

“Y-you sure? If you have something to do, I—“

“Nothing to do,” you smile at him. You grab a napkin from the counter and a pan from near the cash register, quickly scribbling down your address before handing it over to him. “I’ll be home by seven,” you inform him as he glances down at your handwriting, noting how well it fits your personality. He then looks back at you nodding, as if he was just handed the best Christmas present ever.

“I’ll be there,” he smiles gratefully before stepping away from the counter and letting you work.

Five minutes after seven, Bucky is standing at your front door with a bag of Chinese food in his hands as he is trying to build up the courage to ring your doorbell. He found out that you live just a few corners away from the café, so he found your address easily.

“Come on, dude. Don’t be such a loser,” he mumbles to himself as he circles his shoulders before finally pushing the button. A short, buzzing sound is heard from the other side of the door and he stares at the 6B sign in front of you as he hears footsteps from inside. A few moments later the door swings open and there you are, still wearing the same clothes from earlier, a bright smile adorning your face as you beam at your guest.

“Come on in!” you gesture for him as he steps into the small apartment. “Tried to clean up a bit, but if I’m being honest I’m starting to grow out this place,” you chuckle as you push a box out of the way. It’s a small studio apartment with everything cramped into one space except the bathroom. You have a double bed pushed up against the wall in the corner, a small sofa with your wardrobe next to it, a TV, a tiny coffee table, a bookshelf and a dresser, a little dining table near the kitchen with three chairs and a pantry right next to the fridge that stands where the hardwood floor changes into checkered tiles. It really is a tiny space that holds a lot of stuff, but all the gadgets and clutter makes it cozy, lived-in, a place that’s so much like you that he feels like he is peeking inside your head as he walks farther inside.

“I brought dinner,” he shyly holds the bag up as you lock the door.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have!” you smile at him gratefully, because you didn’t really have time to buy anything on your way home since you had to make a quick trip to the post office after your shift, leaving you no spare time before his arrival.

“It’s the least I can do for all the help,” he smiles as you take the bag from him and bring it to the designated living room area of the place. Bucky joins you on the sofa and he thanks all higher powers your place is so small that you only have a loveseat, giving him the chance to sit close to you. Your thigh brushes against his as you hand him a box and make yourself comfortable as well, starting your feast while he asks you about your day, listening to your every word intently.

When the food is gone and you’ve grabbed two beers for the two of you, he pulls out the phone that’s the reason behind his visit. He bought a simple one, not at all one of the latest versions and it’s going to be the perfect model for him to learn the ropes on.

You help him put his SIM card into the new phone and then you set his account up before finally gaining access to the phone. You start with the basic features, showing him how to make a call or send a text before moving onto the different apps and possibilities while he listens to you as if you were talking about rocket science, but in a way, it feels like that for him.

“And here you can switch to the front camera,” you explain as you push the button and suddenly, the two of you come into picture on the screen. “Perfect for taking selfies,” you add with a chuckle.

“Oh, selfies. I’m not too good with those,” he huffs shaking his head.

“Because you probably haven’t found your angle!” you smirk. “Everyone has a good angle.”

“You think so?” you knits his eyebrows together.

“Mhm, look!”

Opening the contacts you go to yours, choosing the option to add a picture that will show up on the screen when you call him, and open the camera to take one instead of choosing from the empty gallery. Holding up the phone you position it so your good angle is in the picture before snapping the photo and saving it as your caller ID.

“See?” you smile at him before handing the device back to him. He just nods, even though he can only think about how all your angles are perfect to him and that now he has a picture of you in his phone. “Let’s take one together!” you beam and moving closer to him you take the phone once again, holding it up in front of you, trying to fit both of you into the frame.

Bucky tries his best to focus on the picture, but he can’t ignore how close you are to him, he can smell your shampoo and your cheek is almost pressed against his as you smile into the camera. The corners of his mouth curl up as his eyes fix at your reflection on the screen before you snap the photo. Opening up the camera roll you take a better look at it and it’s probably your favorite photo that has ever been taken of you. Mostly because he is in it as well, smiling so sweetly.

“It’s a good one,” you say and as you turn your head to the side you realize how close you really are to him.

“Yeah?” he breathes out, definitely aware of just the few inches separating the two of you.

“I-if you had an Instagram I would tell you to post it…” you stutter as your eyes flicker down to his lips, the urge to lean in and kiss him growing with each passing second.

Feeling a little dizzy, one of your hands fall to his lower arm, the one that’s made out of metal and your gaze drops to where you are touching him, a panic filled look flashing through his eyes.

He thinks that this is where the moment is ruined, where you realize the monster he really is and decide you don’t want anything to do with him. He almost starts to apologize for God knows what reason when you reach out and your fingers start to work on the straps of his gloves. It takes a few moments for him to realize what you are doing, and he tries to pull his hand back, but you grab it stopping him from doing it.

“It’s alright,” you smile at him softly, your eyes meeting his as you finish what you started and pull the glove off his hand revealing the metal underneath the leather. Then you move onto his other hand and do the same, dropping the pair of gloves to the floor as you take both his hands in yours, thumbs running across his knuckles, feeling the difference between his own hand and the artificial one.

You see his jaw flexing at the touch and reaching up you cup his cheek in your palm, making him to look you in the eyes. The strong and confident man you see sometimes is gone now, fear and hesitation taking over his expression as your other hand keeps holding his vibranium one.

“I’m sorry,” it falls from his lips as he closes his eyes for a second.

“For what exactly?” you ask with a soft chuckle. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t have to hide yourself around me.”

“You don’t find it… scary?”

“Not at all,” you assure him. “You can’t be held accountable for what happened to you. Anyone who thinks differently is just an ignorant asshole,” you add grinning and it finally breaks his fearful expression, planting a smile on his handsome face.

Keeping your hand on his cheek you lean closer, your nose touching his but you stop before your lips could meet, giving him the chance to pull back. But he never does. Instead, he closes the gap between the two of you, pressing his lips against yours, finally making the fantasy you both have been daydreaming about reality. He starts off slowly, savoring each other gently, getting accustomed to the feeling, but it doesn’t take long before the kiss grows hungrier and your tongues meet in the middle.

Your hands rest at the base of his neck while his find your waist, pulling you closer until you swing a leg over him, sitting on his lap as you smile against his lips. His kisses feel delicate and soft yet very passionate at the same time, you love the dynamic you create, tugging and biting each other playfully, it feels like kissing him is the sole purpose of your life.

When it gets hard for you to breathe you pull back, eyes opening and finding his flushed face as he stares back at you with bright, joyous eyes, his lips slightly swollen, already making you want to go back to where you were just a moment ago.

“Who knew selfies could be so much fun,” he jokes making you laugh, his heart fluttering in his chest at the sound that’s so dear to him.

“I’m glad you liked my crash course on smart phones,” you grin down at him, your fingers tracing the sharp line of his jaw. “Do you have any more questions?”

Smirking his hand, his flesh one, moves up your back as he presses you closer, your lips almost touching his.

“Oh, I’ve got plenty,” he chuckles before kissing you again eagerly.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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