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natromanxoff · 3 years ago

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25 - Just Chatting...

Hello one and all.

It's been a long time since I graced these pages and, believe it or not, nothing much has been happening in my life, apart from the odd soiree or two. Winter has finally left us and spring has sprung, and it's nice to see the sun again. Let's start by wishing my old mate a happy birthday and I hope you all had a little drinkie for him, I know I did. In fact I got legless, he would have been proud of me. Whenever we were in London there was always a party at Fred's on his birthday, be it a handful of friends, or one where he invited half of Britain, but which ever one it was there was always a good time to be had and a lot of chaos. One year he actually took over Pikes Hotel in Ibiza and chartered a private plane to fly his friends in. Roger and myself were already on the island recording some of his solo stuff so we didn't have far to travel to the bash. When I say we were working, it's kind of true as we spent a lot of time on his boat "Ga Ga" whizzing around having lunch and fun. The party was held outside around the swimming pool, now is that an invite for trouble or what? There were hundreds of balloons hanging from every available fixture, and of course there is always an idiot that thinks he's a clown. This particular clown, who will remain nameless, decided it would be funny to light one of the balloons, and needless to say the whole lot went up in flames. Phoebe and Crystal to the rescue. We had to get this "fire" off the wooden rafters before the whole hotel went up in smoke, so we were pulling bits of string while burning rubber was dripping down on us. I was so traumatised by the whole event I had to have another drink ....... a lame excuse I know, but hey, it's my story. Back to the pool. Edwin Shirley, of trucking fame and also an all round good guy after a few too many, decided to have a swim, so he removed his clothing and was flapping around the pool when some daft countess told him to get dressed and behave himself. Wrong move lady. Edwin was not impressed by his telling off and threw her in, and she was even less impressed with that and started ranting and raving, much to the amusement to the rest of the party hounds. She left with her tail between her legs and didn't look at all glamorous in her soaking wet dress, running makeup and failed hairdo. We continued till mid morning and went straight to the airport and caught a flight home. Thanks F for the great parties and good times, you will never be forgotten.

I still get asked a lot if I'm gonna write the "Real" story about Queen. Well the answer is no, and the reason is that the guys gave me a great job and a great life and I have far to much respect for them, their wives/girlfriends, children and families to tell the world what we got up to in private. I feel that is our business and ours alone. Most of us are all in relationships and telling tales could make life awkward for a few people, band and crew alike. I'm sure at some point in time someone from the organisation will write a book, have 5 minutes of fame and make a quick buck, but it sure as hell won't be me, and I'll still be able to sleep at night and when I see the guys I will still be free to say, "Wanna beer MATE."

I've had a few questions asked me that I'm gonna answer quickly.

First off is "Do you have any stories about Freddies cats? (ripping furniture etc.)" Here's a good reply, No. So moving right along, "Of all the famous people you've met, who impressed you the most?" Tricky one this. After years in this "Biz" they all become "Just normal people," and some become good pals, but on one occasion I was in Paul McCartneys studio and I was handed his violin bass and I was sitting there holding it when someone said, "Paul is left handed, hold it like he would." When I turned it around, still taped in the cutout was the Beatles set list from their days in Hamburg, now that impressed me.

Deaky and myself were the only two reggae lovers in the outfit, and Bob Marley turned up to see the show at Madison Square Gardens. Strange choice of show for Bob, but he loved Another one bites the dust, and he happened to be in New York on a stopover on his way to Germany for laser treatment. Show time and our intro tape was playing, and someone told JD that Bob was in the audience, so he cranked his bass up and played "Lively up yourself" over the tape. This was very possibly the last time Marley ever heard this played as he died shortly after. I didn't get to meet him, but I did get to meet Tyrone Downie, Bobs keyboard player in the Wailers, and Tyrone and myself got up to all sorts of mischief that night. RT on the other hand hates reggae music, but I did manage to drag him to the Circus Krone in Munich to see Peter Tosh. I loved it, he hated it. I look at this as payback because years before he insisted that I went to Hammersmith Odeon to see Laurie Anderson, of O Superman fame. This show he loved, but I put it alongside Cher as one of the worst concerts I have ever seen. Needless to say I have also met a couple of stars that I didn't see eye to eye with. Like the American rock star we encountered in a club one night, and he was such a pain I had to take him into the toilets to have a quiet word with him. He finally got the message so I released my hand from around his neck and let him drop back down to the ground. To finish this segment I wanna tell you something that Bev Bevan said. Bev was the drummer with ELO, and them and us were touring the US at the same time, and as it turned out, staying in the same hotel in one city. Roger and myself were leaving the hotel and waiting for the elevator. When the doors opened Bev was in there and him and RT said their hellos. Rog then said, "Bev, this is Crystal, he looks after me." Bev turned to me, shook my hand and said, "Pleased to meet you. If it wasn't for guys like you, guys like us wouldn't be where we are today." He didn't need to say that, and was genuine when he did. I wasn't impressed with meeting him, but he is certainly in my top ten of nicest people I have ever meet.

Over the last few months I've spent a lot of time in the Chatroom, and I highly recommend it to you all as it can be a bit of a laugh. For anyone who has never visited the room please remember a couple of things, if you come in and start swearing you will be kicked out. I know, it happens to me all the time. Also don't come in and start going on about knowing axemen and murderers and other such garbage, cause that also warrants a kicking. Some buffoon from Ireland, who went by the name of "Death" turned up with an attitude and was going on about how f***ing awesome Queen were at Slane Castle. He was not known by anyone in there so I asked him to watch his language. He said he was the Grim Reaper and could do and say what he liked, so I told him otherwise and he was most put out when I kicked him. What a fool. A while ago there was some prat who called himself F***queen, good name eh! Anyway, he/she/it was picking on a lovely young lady called Raisa, and was saying some awful things to her and completely freaked her out, so I went to her defence and FQ turned the attention my way. As far as I'm concerned it's only letters on a screen and it didn't phase me at all, but at least he/she/it gave up on Raisa. In all fairness to FQ, whoever you may be, he/she left a message on the Bulletin Board saying sorry to Raisa and myself and would never do it again. So FQ, from the both of us, thanks for the apology, we accept it. What other weirdos have we had? Well, there was a brightspark who decided it would be funny to use the nickname QueenRshite, another bad move from this person who was honoured with a ban.

While in there I've seen a lot of friendships made, and a couple that have fallen apart. I got a private message one evening from a very drunk girl who, how shall we phrase this, offered me her body and wanted to do all sorts of naughty things to me, I thanked her and declined...must be getting old or something. I have also witnessed relationships being made and, usually there is a lot of humour involved, but needless to say some arguments do occur. I have also seen some of the daftest things said. One guy was so convinced that one of the regulars was either Deaky or she was chatting with him in private that he actually started tracking her every move on the net. He also told me about some highly illegal activities he was up to concerning the band. I wouldn't have thought I was the best person to tell such stuff to, and needless to say I had a go at him. Just to add to his stupidity he's been recently boasting about his affair with an underage girl, and I reckon if he had any more sense he would be half witted. Having mentioned all the twits I'd like to say a quick hello to all the regulars, White Queen and Killer Queen, the lovely girls Blue Rock and Rannnnnnni, SQJan, Mayflower and her boys, Farookh (aka Leroy Brown) MarshMallow, the three Tigers - Babe, Lily and Stripes and the mighty Falc, also to all the rest who I haven't mentioned by name, you know who you are. I'd also like to say hi to Daddy Cool who is the singer in the Dutch cover band Miracle, and Dad, if you never make it as a singer you could make a great career from being a stand up comedian. Finally an extra special hello to the gorgeous MTB, who is about to make an honest man of me ;)

Before I go I'm sure I don't need to remind anyone of a certain date in November that is engraved in all of our minds. And I know that a lot of you will be heading to Garden Lodge to leave flowers. I don't wanna preach and tell you what to do, and I know flowers are a nice gesture, but they do die and the only people to really benefit from this is the florist. This year lets all give a donation, no matter how small, to Aids research, this way the cash will be used to try and stamp out this awful disease. If you really wanna leave flowers, buy a smaller, cheaper bunch and donate the balance of what you would have spent to these charities. It's been said a million times before but it is true, Every penny counts.

As always, Loadsa Love.

Crystal

#queen #queen band #freddie mercury #john deacon #peter freestone #crystal taylor #crystal's tales

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popculturebuffet · 3 years ago

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Sunshine Factory: Prejudice: The 70′s Ring of Hell (Patreon Review for Emma Fici)

Hello all you happy people. And it’s once again time to do a patreon review for my good friend Emma. And it was only a matter of time since we stopped doing Green Eggs and Ham that I encountered the foulest of all creatures.. the cheesy informative VHS tape.

I do love these things, mostly thanks to the Red Letter Media series Best of the Worst. I got into the series entirely though their Wheel of the Worst series where they attach a bunch of vhs tapes they didn’t know quite what to do with to a wheel and subject themselves to whatever they land on.. or whatever they didn’t if said thing gives them nothing to work with. It’s just a deep and wide world of clueless, cheesy persons who have no idea what their doing trying to be famous.

So again it was only a matter of time till I reviewed one of these with or without the push from Emma. Today’s subject is one I never heard of and could not find anything on when googling, Sunshine Factor, a series of religoius-ish tapes produced in the late 70′s and early 80′s, and I only say series because this episodes title card says episode 4, and there’s mroe than one of these on youtube. Will I be forced through this again someday, only time, or any of you wanting to see me suffer through more of this will tell but for now join me under the cut as the whitest man in american raps to us about Prejudice.

So we get an intro which does have some cheap but still very nice animation but is mostly an acid trip what with a giant sun...

Some blur effects and more 70′s cheese than a fondue key party.

We soon fade into the episode proper and our setup: A bunch of kids go to an inventor named RJ”s “factory” to learn life lessons. Though given the budget for this thing it looks more like we’re watching Freddy Kruger’s origin story.

One of the kids is having a party, and is inviting this weird older gentleman because his parents don’t care as long as he comes back alive. They all say their not going to invite the “weird” new kid Raymond though, but said kid HAS to because their in the same class. Because everybody hates raymond, they sing a song about it.

To show them their being little shits RJ takes them into the back to teach them about Perd Juice.

Suprisingly it’s not just something he made in a jug, but instead Prejudice. Because OF course a 70′s white guy surrounded by a crowd of children who, aside from one token black child, are all white, is the PERFECT way to tell kids not to be raicist. What could POSSIBLY GO WRONG.

So you’d expect from this opening for this whole story about raymond to recur throughout the video... instead it gets brought up about three times, once in passing later and once to wrap it up at the end.

Instead we get what a 70′s bibleman with no comptence and every expectation he’s an edutainment genius produces when he has the budget of three quarters and a ham sandwitch: a bunch of skits on prejudice that mostly fail to actually tackle the issue.

Our first one is the only remotely realistic one, as a judge randomly declares people guilty based on however he feels like.

It’s also one of the few entertaining segments as the kid playing the judge is hammy as hell, if muffled a bit by the fact none of these kids are clearly actors. I’m not going to blame them for that: Clearly the church asked “Hey can you have some of your kids appear in this thing we’re trying to do”, but it dosen’t make it more tolerable to watch the equilvent of a church skit for 20 minutes.

Next up is one about a freakshow, only the “freaks’ are all normal kids, and the person being shown it is a robot.

The robot design is neat.. that’s about it.

Thankfully the next segment got back to so bad it’s good territory, as we get a song about a kid assuming a zebra’s a criminal because he has strikes and in general doing a lot of Zebra shaming, while the poor thing tries to sing back. What.. what kid was against Zebras? Zebras are fucking awesome. Their like horses if Tim Burton got to pick the color palette. They have mowhawks. Their stripes make a good fashion pattern. What kid goes up to a zebra and says “Well that sucks he’s probably a criminal”. A Fruit Fly yes but a Zebra? What the heck.

So next the token black kid gets a spotlight and I think shows up for the first time all short, to talk about how you shoudln’t judge things by apperances by using brocolli as a metaphor.

It really helps your special on prejudice when you have the only POC character be prejudice and never adress the fact he’s black or use that.

We then get a weird bit with a creepy clown who has words fly at him who I assume is mustache man in a hat and wig and makeup. Because that’s how you show people you aren’t creepy with children: DRESS UP AS A CLOWN. Right pennywise?

He gets it and GETS IT.

So we then get a religoius talk over lunch as the kids one of them having Balogna and Grape Jelly...

I I don’t know how that’d work even for a kid and I don’t want to find out.

So then one of the kids brings up how their teacher was talking about all the religions: Cathoic, Methodist, Presbetarian..... and NOTHING ELSE. It defeats the purpose of your video on prejudice when you deliebrately exclude religions you don’t like. It’s not like you did’nt have time for it. This video is a void where time goes to die. Judaism, Buddhism, Islam, Mormonism all left out among lesser known ones like Alvinism, Calvinism, Gadgetism, Fonzism, and of course hankism, recongizing the one true hank.

We then get a bit of PJ the Mustace Man at his piano, where he tells kids that prejudice is like yanking keys out of a piano.

He then tells the biblical story of Zachius, a tax collector who was hated because back then most tax collectors were greedy scumbgas. Today it’s the people avoiding the taxes. Anyway Jesus showed up and everybody was like OH MY GOD I’TS BEYONCE NO WAIT IT’S JESUS THAT’S EVEN BETTER and crowded him so Zachius had to get on a tree to look and jesus was like “Bro you don’t need to do that let’s have dinner at your place.” So then because Jesus hung out with him everyone wnated to hang out with Zachius until he got crushed by a manticore, the end.

Okay so next we have a part I accidently saw just a second of when I clicked ahead.. and easily the best part of the video. It’s just RJ over a green screen flying around like it’s super mario 64 while singing a song about how flying makes him feel free. It’s just calm ,peaceful and lovingly rediculous.

Finally we have the Land of Ogg, an acidy nightmare where the kid who was throwing the party ends up in the land of ogg with three weirdos in white wig who don’t allow dogs in og, only frogs. As you can expect a LOT of puns ensue and while I love a good pun this is above the FDA allowed amount.

It then takes a turn for the david lynch when the oggians take the poor kid and try stretching him out. They even all have eraser head hair... is.. is this part David Lynch’s student film/ I”m so confused.

Naturallyi’t sa dream, the kid learns his lesson and let’s both Raymond and his adult friend go with him and we get the credits which show off way better episoides clearly.

Final Thoughts: This was a pile of nonsense and while it could be a slog at times, I still enjoyed it> There’s JUST enough insanity to make the whole trip worth while and i’ts only half an hour out of your life if your intrested. It’s on youtube, go check it out and thanks for reading.

#the 70's #70's #edutainment #tapes #vhs #childrens #sunshine factory #prejudice #christian #religion

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 5 years ago

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Michael in the Mainstream: Epic Rap Battles of History

In September of 2010, a series began that would spend the decade growing, expanding, improving, and even attracting controversy: Epic Rap Battles of History. The concept is simple - take two characters from history or pop culture and have them get into a rap battle where every single line is loaded with clever allusions to the participants. From there, it can go in really any direction - rappers can jump into the middle of a battle, rappers can team up, battles can be heavily skewed in one direction… there’s a lot of variance.

Watching the series grow into something as impressive and well-done as it is nowadays has been quite an experience. The first battle, “John Lennon vs Bill O’Reilly,” is honestly pretty bad by today’s standards, with a weak beat, poor costumes, bad impressions, and just a general lack of polish. But it did have something to it, something that would come to light as more and more episodes were released - Peter Shukoff and Lloyd Ahlquist really had a knack for rapping. I think the best part of the series over the past ten years is watching them go from the green rappers in that original video to incredibly talented and clever writers, singers, and actors, delivering stellar performances left and right in the more recent seasons.

With their first decade behind them, I’ve decided to go season by season and look at what worked and what didn’t as the show grew and evolved. I give an overview of each season, talk about some of the strengths and weaknesses they exhibited, and then go over the best and worst characters and battles of each season.

So, as the announcer says at the end of every intro... BEGIN!!!

Season 1

It’s hard to totally hate this season, but boy is it hard to love it. This was their first season, and their first batch of battles, so I think a little leeway needs to be given here; it’s clear they’re trying to find their footing and see what works and what doesn’t in terms of matchup and characterization. This leads to a lot of the battles of season one feeling really weird in hindsight, with the infamous “Genghis Khan vs The Easter Bunny” being the most standout example.

However, that’s just the most notable bit of wonkiness; there are plenty more decisions and matchups that really seem baffling in hindsight. One of the biggest ones is when Peter portrayed Lady Gaga in a rap battle against Sarah Palin of all people. This leads to a lot of the jokes Palin lobs being a bit more uncomfortable than they would have been if a woman played Gaga; this is notably the only time a female character has been portrayed by a man to this date.

Beyond that some of the matchups are just really nonsensical or rely too much on outdated memes. The worst offender in both regards is probably “Abraham Lincoln vs Chuck Norris,” which features Peter delivering one of his greatest performances in the series as Lincoln against a Lloyd-portrayed Norris who does nothing but spout “Chuck Norris Facts” thst we’re tired and unfunny even back in 2010. Likewise, Vince Offer popping up as backup for Billy Mays is pretty of-the-time, but that battle is actually good so it gets a pass.

Still, there are a lot more battles that do work or at least show a lot of promise. Look no further than the second battle in the series and the one that put them on the map, “Adolf Hitler vs Darth Vader.” While it’s a bit basic lyrically and not quite up to the later standards of the series, it’s easy to see why this became as big as it did. Zack Sherwin and George Watsky get their first guest spots here as Einstein and Shakespeare respectively, and both of them kill it in their roles, with the former even being part of one of the season’s best battles. It’s definitely easy to see why these two are the most reoccurring guest stars in the series.

Ultimately, season one is uneven and experimental, but shows a lot of promise. I think the datedness of some of the battles, particularly in regards to the ones featuring characters like Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga; using these two in particular so early in their careers really robbed us, particularly in the case of Bieber, whose decade-long downward spiral would have made for some really interesting disses. Then there are characters like Mr. Rogers and Genghis Khan, who are just wasted on completely mismatched opponents. There is good stuff here, but it lacks the polish later battles would have, making it hard to recommend revisiting this one. I’d say that with a few notable exceptions, you can safely skip this season.

Best Battle: “Albert Einstein vs Stephen Hawking” is probably the best battle of the sesaon; while the original Hitler/Vader battle is iconic, this one was one of the more clever early battles and if nothing else gave us the first Zach Sherwin performance and an awesome and faithful rendition of Hawking.

Worst Battle: “Genghis Khan vs the Easter Bunny.” As if it could be anything else.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: Abe Lincoln, despite being in one of the weaker battles of the season, immediately cemented himself as one of Peter’s best characters, and it definitely helps he has some pretty hard and creative disses, particularly his line involving Chuck Norris crying his cancer-curing tears on his filmography. It’s no wonder Lincoln is the only president who keeps coming back.

Peter: Darth Vader became one of the most iconic characters in the first few seasons for a reason, and despite his weaker lines here than in his sequels, he still manages to be as cool and intimidating as Darth Vader in a rap battle should be.

Guest: Albert Einstein was Zach Sherwin’s first appearance in the series, and what a first appearance it is! It really isn’t a shock he has been invited back time and time again, as he is an absolute blast in this battle.

Worst Characters:

Lloyd: Chuck Norris is the clear loser in terms of Lloyd’s characters this season. He’s nothing but a string of tired memes, and offers no insight into Norris at all. Frankly it would have been nice if they ripped into Norris harder, seeing as he’s a right-winger, homophobe, and Trump supporter. Portraying him as some cool, unstoppable force really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Peter: Lady Gaga, hands down, and it’s not that hard a decision. She was portrayed terribly and it really is a shame they didn’t wait until later in her career to use her, because there is so much more interesting things to say about her now than back when they made the rap battle and the most interesting things to riff on were the stupid rumors that she was a hermaphrodite and her weird outfits.

Guest: Alex Farnham’s Justin Bieber is whiny, obnoxious, gets few good lines, and is more than a little mean-spirited; keep in mind, this was made early in Bieber’s career, when his only crime was being a kid with a music career who made songs some people hated. It just seems cruel, and considering how he would turn out a few years later, a world of missed opportunity… but that’s par for the course for season one.

Season 2

Season two was the proverbial “growing the beard” moment for the series. Coming out a month after season one, the new episodes already seemed bigger and more polished, starting off strong with a rematch between Hitler and Vader more epic than the original. Things continued solidly until the season peaked with the masterpiece that is “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates.” That battle was a huge game changer, and took the series to new heights, heights the rest of the season after struggled to meet.

The big problem is that about half of the battles post-“Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates” are incredibly forgettable or even bad. “Doc Brown vs Doctor Who” is on the forgettable side, as is the first-ever election battle, which pitted Obama up against Mitt Romney. Romney alone should tell you why this battle is so forgettable; it’s a battle you really had to be there in the moment for, and is frankly a good argument as to why election battles should not be done. It’s not awful by any means, but it really isn’t memorable or relevant.

On the bad side, we have “Frank Sinatra vs Freddie Mercury,” “Batman Vs Sherlock Holmes,” and the infamous “Adam vs Eve.” The former two mostly suffer from awful characterization, with Sinatra being set up in the same way Justin Bieber was to be the clear loser. There’s nothing wrong with a curbstomp rap battle obviously, but considering how Sinatra is NOT a reviled figure like Bieber, this one goes over very poorly. Batman on the other hand mainly suffers from being horribly characterized and having extremely repetitive verses, with both his verses basically reiterating the same points. Neither battle is godawful, but they don’t really make good cases for themselves.

Then there is “Adam vs Eve.” This battle is widely regarded as the worst battle of not only the season, but THE ENTIRE SERIES. There is a very good reason for that: this battle is a massive departure from the style and tone of the series. Adam and Eve here represent stereotypical sitcom man and woman; there are very few Biblical references and the whole thing is very one-sided in Eve’s favor, with the battle basically ending with Adam apologizing for calling Eve a bitch… after she spent the past few minutes insulting his sexual prowess and penis size. There are a lot of double standards here, and it would only have been worse if God’s planned cameo was kept in, where he unambiguously sides with Eve.

But let’s not pretend like these are more than exceptions that prove the rule. Season two is remarkably solid, to the point where some battles have aged far better than you would expect. The prime example of this is “Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe;” at the time derided by audiences as just a battle consisting of nothing but slut-shaming, looking back it is a very strong yet lighthearted entry between two incredibly intense battles that has a great beat, clever lines, and strong performances from the two ladies. There are a couple of other underrated gems of the season but this one takes the cake.

The season is notable for a lot of big firsts. This is the first season to nab mainstream celebrities as guests, getting Keegan-Michael Key, Jordan Peele, and Snoop Dogg himself to portray Gandhi, MLK, and Moses, respectively. Unsurprisingly the battles featuring them are some of the very best of the season. It’s also the first season with a woman vs woman battle where both characters are portrayed by women, to much better results than the previous one. It’s the first season to have a two-on-two battle, with the second battle of the season featuring the Mario Bros battling the Wright brothers.

The biggest first however was the new style introduced in the finale: the Royale. This style of battle is basically a one on one to start, with each rapper getting one verse and then after the second rapper’s verse a third party barged in to school them, followed by a fourth and then a fifth. This first one featured famous figures from Russian history: Rasputin, Stalin, Lenin, Gorbachev, and Putin, and it is fun and hilarious, though Putin’s portrayal is definitely a product of its time and clearly made before people realized how evil he is.

This season also has some notable missed opportunities unique to it. The first is that there is a whole scrapped battle that was even teased in the trailer for season two, which would have had Hillary Clinton rapping against King Henry VIII. Peter and Lloyd were disappointed with how the audio came out and so permanently shelved it, though the audio is available online. It would have been interesting to see how it would have turned out, though the audio does not paint the best picture and the battle likely would have been forgettable. Still, it would have been interesting to have both parties in the 2016 election battle be returning rappers.

The second is that, to date, season two is the only season to use video game characters, with Mario, Luigi, and Master Chief being the sole representatives of the art form. This gets weirder with every passing year, as video games continue to become more mainstream and characters like Solid Snake, Samus, Phoenix Wright, Lara Croft, and Kratos continue to be popular suggestions for battles. It just feels like a lot of opportunities are being missed, though there’s always hope now that fans have more say than ever.

Overall, season two was a big, confident stride forward for the series. While there are a few stingers and forgettable battles here and there, the majority live up to the title of the series. I’d say that, moreso than season one, this is a great starting point for the series, This season marks the beginning of what I’d like to call the Golden Age, and I would say there are very few episodes here you should skip.

Best Battle: “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” which is not as easy a decision as it seems considering the quality of the season overall. Still, this one probably holds up the best out of all of the episodes, with the rhymes, flow, disses, and beat all being legendary and the surprise interjection from HAL 9000 being nothing short of awesome.

Worst Battle: “Adam vs Eve,” which again, is probably also the worst battle of the entire series.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Gorbachev is the winner here. He’s just a funny, goofy ditz of a Russian leader, and he definitely schools all of the other arguing Russians. His beat is unique and a lot of fun, which definitely helps him stand out even more.

Peter: Peter has a lot of great roles this season, but it’s hard to not give the win to Santa, because Peter was able to hold his own against SNOOP DOGG. Speaking of which...

Guest: Snoop Dogg’s Moses is the standout in a season with no shortage of cool guests. I mean, come on, it’s Snoop

Worst Character:

Lloyd: Adam, hands down, and keep in mind Lloyd also played the now-irrelevant Mitt Romney this season. Adam sucked so bad a bland politician outdid him.

Peter: I’m not sure who told Peter to play Batman like that, but… yeah. Batman sucks here. I hope they bring him back and do him justice someday.

Guest: Jenna Marbles is completely wasted as Eve.

Season 3

Out of the three Golden Age seasons (2 - 4), I think season three is the most uneven and messy. While there are obviously some great battles here - it is part of the Golden Age after all - there are a lot of bad and awkward battles, or at the very least there aren’t as many great battles to make the bad ones seem less egregious. The tone is set by the season opener, the third and final battle between Hitler and Vader which despite a cool Boba Fett cameo ends up feeling underwhelming and boring.

The real issue with this season is that, while there aren’t too many genuinely bad battles this season, even the good ones feel a bit off. For the bad, we have “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc,” which wastes one of history’s most badass woman against a flash-in-the-pan pop star; this battle has very few defenders, and gave woman back woman rap battles even more (undeserved) flack. To the season’s credit it doesn’t really get worse, and the only other weak battles are “George Washington vs William Wallace” (which not only conflates the fictionalized version of Wallace from Braveheart with the real one, but makes George Washington way more boring than he should be) and “Rick Grimes vs Walter White” (which feels like a ratings grab riding off of the coattails of two popular shows, though Lloyd really kills it as Walt).

For the good ones, a lot are held back from the lofty greatness of season two’s best by disappointing flaws. “Superman vs Goku” is fun and performs the miracle of making Ray William Johnson cool for two minutes, but it just feels way too short, especially considering the massive histories of the characters. The finale has a similar issue with shortness; “Artists vs Turtles” pits the TMNT against their namesakes, and the first verse and beat are fantastic, but the turtles get absolutely shafted on lyrics and the whole battle comes off as feeling uneven. This wouldn’t be so bad if this wasn’t a four-on-Four battle. “Stephen King vs Edgar Allen Poe” is so close to being great, as it has fantastic lyrics and a great Watsky performance, but Zach Sherwin chose a weird, raspy voice for King that brings the battle down a bit. It’s kind of sad that a battle between ERB’s two most popular guests is hampered by such an odd choice.

Still, when the season is great, it is GREAT. Key and Peele return, this time playing MICHAEL Jordan and Muhammed Ali respectively, and they kill it. Weird Al shows up playing Isaac Newton and, as expected, is amazing in his battle against Bill Nye. And the series introduces a new, very interesting type of rap battle - the story battle/gauntlet battle. Basically, there is one consistent rapper, and they rap against multiple opponents in succession, usually with some sort of storyline. And what better story to turn into a rap battle than A Christmas Carol? Scrooge goes up against Donald Trump, J.P. Morgan, Kanye West, and the Grim Reaper to learn the true meaning of Christmas, and it’s every bit as awesome as it sounds.

Season three is definitely a good season, and the weaker battles are still worth a listen even if they do have some issues; the only one I’d say is unlistenably bad is “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” due to how offensive the wasting of Joan is. I feel like people listening to this season will have wildly different opinions on which battles are good, bad, and great, so even if it feels a bit wonky there’s no denying it’s worth a listen.

Best Battle: “Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge” is a real game changer, and is not only fantastic, but as its only use of profanity is censored you can reasonably play this at a holiday party! If you ever need your quick fix of the Dickens classic, this is the way to get it, as this is remarkably faithful and very good at condensing the story into a rap battle.

Worst Battle: “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” is just absolutely unforgivable; Joan deserved a more fitting opponent than Cyrus. Katniss was often a suggested opponent, but I feel like even that would be bad, as Katniss has faded from the cultural consciousness over time unlike someone like Harry Potter. Still, Joan deserved way better than to be wasted for some throwaway curbstomp battle.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: Lloyd shows how good it feels to be a gangster with his portrayal of Al Capone, which manages to elevate the battle a bit higher despite the rather cheesy (but not bad) portrayal of Blackbeard opposite him.

Peter: Death, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, is utterly chilling, devoid of humor, and delivers one of the most legitimately terrifying verses in the series. This is why this ghost doesn’t usually get to speak in adaptations - because not only is he utterly terrifying, he steals the whole show. Peter really killed it with this one.

Guest: A lot of good guests popped in this season, but only one of them was Weird Al as Sir Isaac Newton. His flow is incredible, showing he has come a long way from “I Can’t Watch This.” He even gets a fast rap segment where he gets to show off his “Hardware Store” skills.

Worst Characters:

As uneven as the season felt, Peter and Lloyd actually managed to stay remarkably consistent; Lloyd didn’t play any character I can say was ‘bad’ by any stretch. For a given value of “worst,” Peter’s Donald Trump just pales in comparison to Lloyd’s a couple seasons later. But again, as uneven as the season was, Peter and Lloyd really didn’t do bad. This is the point where the duo really began to come into their own and develop as performers, with them rarely turning in a bad performance from here on out.

The guest, on the other hand... Michelle Glavan’s Miley suffers from the same problems Bieber did two seasons prior - except her battle feels less like a funny curbstomp battle and more like they actually tried to make Miley Cyrus on the same level as ST. JOAN OF ARC.

Season 4

This is, without a doubt, the absolute best season of ERB. This is when they truly found their groove, knew what they were doing, and did nothing but pump out hit after hit after hit. It’s to the point where there is really only one bad battle in the season, and it’s not nearly as offensive as previous season’s stinkers.

Right out the gate this season proved itself by ditching the old tradition of Hitler and Vader and instead delivering up a highly requested matchup - in this case the Ghostbusters and the Mythbusters. The real treat isn’t merely the pitch-perfect portrayals, but the appearance at the end by the B Team and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, which cemented this as a fantastic and unique opening. From here, it was almost nothing but fantastic battles until the midseason finale, which was a battle royale of film directors.

Many argued that the season lost steam upon coming back from break, as “Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted” was a bit underwhelming as a return, but from there the season picked up with the criminally underrated “David Copperfield vs Harry Houdini” and then continuing up with the quality, the season peaking with “Eastern Philisophers vs Western Philosophers,” a fantastic showdown between some of the greatest thinkers of history. Somehow “Shaka Zulu vs Julius Caesar” kept up the pace, but I will say the season faltered a bit at the ending.

While “Jim Henson vs Stan Lee” is not bad, and is especially sweet and heartwarming in light of Stan Lee’s death, the use of Walt Disney as a soulless supervillain representing the monopolistic tendencies of his company and not the man himself is a rather contentious choice. It doesn’t help that the battle feels a lot more mellow and peaceful, which mostly has to do with the two men battling. It frankly feels like this should have been the midseason opener and the philosopher battle should have been the finale, since the latter battle feels a lot more epic and climactic.

The only truly bad battle of the season is, unfortunately, “Oprah vs Ellen,” which did nothing to alleviate the stigma of women characters in rap battles. I feel like the major issue with this one is that Oprah just has terrible lines and delivery, with some of her lines having painfully forced rhymes. Not helping is that it came hot on the heels of “Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal Lecter,” one of the best battles of season four’s first half.

Still, that’s a small blip on this season’s radar. To wrap things up on a more positive note, this season features perhaps the most unique battle in the franchise: “Zeus vs Thor.” Not only is it the only battle between deities so far, it is also the only battle animated entirely with Legos. It not only helps it stand out due to its unique style, it makes the battle more timeless and not prone to aging poorly in terms of visuals. It’s just overall a showcase of the brilliance of Peter and Lloyd - which is really something that can be said of the whole season.

This is, once again, the very best season of the show. It’s almost nothing but incredible, fantastic works from start to finish. Even the couple of battles that I feel are a bit weak tend to have some good stuff going for them. This was really where the series was at the top of its game, and I genuinely feel that there was nowhere they could go from here but down… and down they did go.

Best Battle: In a season full of fantastic battles, the gold medal still undoubtedly must go to the philosopher battle. The awesome beat! Laozi beatboxing! Nietzsche! It’s really something special.

Worst Battle: “Oprah vs Ellen,” for the reasons stated above. It’s not even so much that it’s bad as it is really underwhelming and filled with awkward lines, but it does stick out as notably poor in an otherwise stellar season.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: This is another Stellar season for Peter and Lloyd; it’s hard to pick just one great performance, but Lloyd voicing Stay Puft is certainly a hilarious treat.

Peter: Peter’s portrayal of Julius Caesar is one of the best showcases of his acting talents this season. I’d say it’s tied with Robocop, who Peter also knocks out of the park.

Guest: This season was absolutely stellar in regards to guests, so honestly picking the best is really a tossup. A personal favorite of mine is Dan Bull’s Jack the Ripper, who is equal parts chilling and entertaining.

Worst Character: It could only be Oprah, what with her painful rhymes and poor verses. That being said, she’s probably the only rapper I could stretch to call bad this season, as Peter and Lloyd has no bad showings and the other guests were pretty great.

Season 5

Welcome to the Dark Age. Season five is without a doubt the most divisive season of the series, and I do feel that that is a bit unwarranted because there are some truly fantastic battles here, probably more than there were in Golden Age seasons like three. The major issue with this season is not really a problem with the battles themselves, but a two-pronged meta problem: burnout, and the toxic fanbase.

The burnout was a long time coming. Peter and Lloyd had been doing ERB nonstop for half the decade at the point this season came out, and as the finale of the season, a rematch between Peter and Lloyd, showed the two were tired, frustrated, and hitting walls in terms of creativity. They obviously loved the series - there was still plenty of passion, creativity, and wit in the battles - but they needed a break, especially since Peter had recently become a father.

The other issue was far less predictable. When the 2010s began, making fun of Nazis and conservative ideology was cool, fun, and pretty much what anyone with a functioning brain was doing. But over the 2010s, a lot of radicalization began occurring due to social media and its ability to give platforms to awful people who shouldn’t be allowed to talk. Nazis, alt-right, conservatives, anti-SJWs, they all started building up over the decade and trying to wage a culture-wide war on sensitivity and empathy, instead trying to convince others that the plight of those who are disadvantaged due to how the ruling class structured society is not worth addressing and that things are fine the way they are. Trump’s depressingly successful presidential campaign did nothing but embolden and strengthen the resolve of these creeps, and that kind of leads into the three most contentious battles of the season - “Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson,” “Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton,” and “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner.”

“Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson” got a lot of flack for seemingly being one-sided in Douglass’ favor, with him almost solely attacking Jefferson for his owning of slaves and not really establishing himself well. While the battle isn’t particularly engaging and I didn’t really come out feeling like I learned much about Douglass, a lot of the criticisms at the time seemed more focused on being angry that this battle addressed that slavery was actually a thing at all and that the battle watered things down to “Jefferson bad!” This is of course disregarding that even Douglass admits in his final verse that Jefferson did a lot for the country, but that we need to address the bad parts of him more than we do. Still, this was small potatoes compared to the latter two battles.

These two battles are what made Pete and Lloyd really pause due to the negative reactions both battles garnered. The election battle received a lot of criticism for seemingly having a “left-wing bias,” as despite it following a similar structure to the previous presidential election battle, Lincoln’s appearance was a lot more focused on berating and abusing Trump. One needs to keep in mind though that Trump had already definitively shown he was a racist, misogynistic scumbag at this point in the presidential race, all of his lines were based on things he actually said, and he was pretty much the strongest rapper in the battle, getting in a lot of good disses. The battle is only “one-sided” in the minds of people who want to be angry at everything; it’s no more one sided than any of the Hitler and Vader fights, it just so happens that one combatant is more evil than the other and so deserves more abuse.

“Banner vs Jenner” seemed to get flack almost entirely due to its acknowledgment that trans people exist. I will be the first to admit that Caitlin Jenner is not really the best person to be using to push a pro-LGBT+ message, especially considering her political leanings, but the fact remains that there was a massive influx of transphobic comments in regards to the battle, mostly with very tired “The connection is they are Bruces who turn into monsters Lol” jokes. This drowned out a lot of legitimate criticisms of the battle - namely, that Jenner got to ramble on for several bars in her second verse while Hulk barely got to get in any good jabs. It’s even more disappointing because the first verses for both rappers was fantastic, and the second half of the battle looked to be shaping into something great… and then Jenner rambled on and on and on. But it was hard to find much constructive criticism because there was just so much hate and tasteless comments. Stuff like that upset Peter and Lloyd, as they had assumed their fanbase was more progressive and forward-thinking, but with how the internet works, they severely misjudged the kinds of people who had infested their fanbase.

It really is a shame that those battles tend to overshadow the entire season five conversation, because boy are there some really great battles here. There’s underrated gems like the overhated “Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder,” strong female rappers like Julia Child in her battle against Gordon Ramsay, long-requested matchups like “James Bond vs Austin Powers,” and even a great story battle with “Ivan the Terrible vs Alexander the Great,” which has Ivan murdering his way through historical figures with “The Great” in their titles. It’s a lot of fun, and Peter’s performance as Ivan is a showcase of his talents.

However, the season’s greatest contribution to the series is most definitely the penultimate battle, which is “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill.” This might very well be the most epic battle in the series: the ever-popular announcer for ERB’s news jumping in to battle the only man in history who could possibly be ballsy enough to stand up to him. It’s to the point where even as the battle ends, the two are still roughly on even footing and it’s hard to say who won. If this had been the season finale, or even the series finale if they had decided not to continue, things would be perfect.

This season is overshadowed by controversy, and it really isn’t totally fair. Most of the controversy is around the guys trying to be more progressive and for punching hard at Trump but not Clinton, and while I can’t say I love the results (the controversial battles are definitely the weakest of the season) it really shouldn’t be held against them for trying to be socially conscious and they certainly should not be shamed, berated, or told to leave politics out of their battles (rap is an inherently personal genre, so politics are always going to find a way in, especially if the characters they’re portraying are, you know, politicians). I think a lot of great battles are overlooked, all because of the more controversial ones, and that’s a real shame, because this is a solid season only held back by the controversy it found itself mired in due to the state of the internet at the time.

Best Battle: “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill,” naturally.

Worst Battle: “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner,” though it entirely comes down to how the second half of the battle was handled; having this be the battle was not in itself a bad idea, and was actually pretty clever. The poor, lopsided battle biased in the favor of a character who is a terrible person in real life simply because they’re trans (or at least that’s kind of the vibe the episode gives) really doesn’t help. Frankly I wish they had given the first trans character in the series honor to someone more worthy, like the Wachowski sisters.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Teddy Roosevelt is the obvious choice, but I almost feel like it’s cheating since he is a mainstay on the channel. If we discount him, Frederick the Great is the clear winner for stealing a whole battle in twelve bars.

Peter: It’s honestly a tie between Austin Powers and Ivan the Terrible. Peter really rocked it with his performances in this season, and those two are some of his best roles ever.

Guest: In one of the most out-there yet awesome guest spots ever, we have T-Pain as Stevie Wonder, ditching the auto tune and delivering sick rhymes while tastefully portraying Stevie’s blindness.

Worst Character: Once again, Peter and Lloyd manage not to put in any bad performances, which really is a testament to how far they’ve come as entertainers.That only leaves one spot, the guest, and it really has to go to the elephant in the room: No Shame’s Caitlin Jenner.

I don’t really blame No Shame here; because she had the unenviable position of playing Jenner in the first place; Jenner is not exactly a beloved figure in the LGBT+ community or otherwise, and while it is cool they got a trans rapper to play a trans character, I feel like backlash here was inevitable just because of who it was.

What doesn’t help is that Jenner rambles on for a ludicrous amount of bars, getting in way more disses than Hulk did and not having any of her negative qualities addressed, which is especially baffling considering her real life political leanings and manslaughter charge being ripe for mockery. It ultimately comes off as tokenism, like they were trying to force a win for the first trans character by handicapping her opponent and ignoring her flaws, which ultimately backfired as most people give the win to Banner/Hulk as opposed to Jenner.

I really hope ERB does a trans character again, because there are plenty of interesting trans people throughout history, but I really hope they avoid the pitfalls Jenner fell into and make it a fair and balanced rap battle.

Season 6

After a hiatus that lasted through 2017 and until the end of 2018, the boys dropped a bonus battle to show they were coming back. And lo and behold, in the spring of 2019 season six dropped! While it is only half over by the decade’s end, one thing is for sure: Peter and Lloyd are back in top form.

The battles this time around seem to be a lot of highly requested matchups, which is not a huge shock - I believe certain tiers of donors who support them get a direct line to speak to the people behind ERB. It’s to the point where Robin Williams appearing in the comedian battle Royale was not the original plan, but he was so highly requested they added him in. Continuing the trend of popular requests opening seasons, this one kicks off with the long-awaited “Freddy Krueger vs Wolverine.” It’s clear how much their lyricism has improved, and the visuals in the battle are incredible, setting the bar high for the season.

Most of the battles in the first half sadly don’t try and go for creative backgrounds, sadly; only “Joker vs Pennywise” and “Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” really do interesting stuff with their backgrounds. Still, the other battles make up for it in other ways, typically with deft lyricism and great flow. In fact, even though not all the battles are top-tier, it’s telling that the weakest battle so far is “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud,” which only suffers because of how repetitive the disses get, especially on Freud’s end - Teresa’s flow and disses hit hard, Freud has a solid second verse, and the best is very fun. The worst thing I can say about it is that it feels like a holdover from season two, and considering this has been a matchup they’ve wanted to do for a long time, it wouldn’t shock me if it is.

The production values are astounding, and the overall visuals are the best in the series, but alas there are some hiccups. Freddy Krueger and Thanos in particular look a bit off; their battles are obviously not bad, but the costumes leave something to be desired, though considering these guys aren’t a multimillion dollar film studio it’s fair to cut a little bit of slack. What can’t be excused, however. Is the constant use of outdated memes, the worst offender being a reference to “What Does the Fox Say” in the rap battle between Che Guevara and Guy Fawkes (Side note: it is absolutely hilarious that Guy Fawkes and Joker both debuted in this season, considering… well… this). Almost every battle so far this season has contained a dated visual or lyrical reference, though they don’t really ruin the battles.

Overall, the season is extremely good so far, and showcases perfectly how far Peter and Lloyd have come since that first rap battle between John Lennon and Bill O’Reilly. The flows, the beats, the lyrics, the costumes… it’s all so good now. Long gone are the awkward days of the early seasons, and the burnout that was evident in season five is truly gone. These guys are having fun again, and I look forward to the rest of this season in 2020.

Best Battle: So far this season has almost been nothing but smashes, but perhaps their greatest accomplishment is “The Joker vs Pennywise,” which manages to play off the relevancy of both killer clowns while giving us some of Peter and Lloyd’s best performances to date, with Peter in particular doing a phenomenal Mark Hamill impression. The battle is also a bit longer than usual, with each rapper getting three verses, allowing them to cram in numerous references. Joker is definitely the wittier and funnier rapper, but Pennywise has a much better flow, which honestly plays to their actor’s strengths. This is my personal favorite battle of the series.

“Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” is honestly tied, as it also plays off the duo’s strengths and is very fun with an energetic, badass beat.

Worst Battle: A lot of people point to “Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula” for its slow pace and goofier take on Dracula, or “Ronald Mcdonald vs The Burger King” for being recycled from their “Flash in the Pan Hip Hop Conflicts of Nowadays” side series with very little in the way of improved lyrics. On both counts I disagree; I think both are good battles, with the latter being one of my favorites due to how goofy it is. So far, though, the battle that was the biggest disappointment was “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud.” This was one a long time coming, but the payoff isn’t quite worth it. Most of the jokes on Freud’s side are incredibly repetitive, and in general his flow is weak compared to Teresa, who just absolutely kills it with creative and witty deliveries. It leads to this weird feeling of Freud being a season one character in terms of quality, which is a real shame.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Lloyd just oozes the charisma of Steve Irwin and Robin Williams when he plays them, easily making them the standout performances of this half of season six.

Peter: Peter brings his A-game as Joker, as mentioned above, but he also manages to be incredibly chilling and awesome as J. Robert Oppenheimer, easily outdoing Thanos in their rap battle. Oh snap!

Guest: This is a season of ties, it looks like, cuz Jackie Tohn as Joan Rivers and Gary Anthony Williams as Bill Cosby really change the tone of the comedian royale for the better. Cosby barely gets any lines, mind you, and spends most of the battle drugged and getting abused by Tohn’s Joan Rivers, but there’s just something hilarious about the ERB guys getting Uncle Ruckus to play a drugged-out Cosby. As for Rivers, she’s just perfect.

Worst Character: Visually, Thanos is not the best, and lyrically, Freud isn’t great, but I don’t think either of them deserves to be called ‘the worst.’ So far, this season has managed to avoid any overt stinkers.

And so we come to a close. Ten years of rap battles, ten years of growing and improvement, ten years of a rollercoaster ride of quality… it really is amazing that Peter and Lloyd have consistently managed to come back to this series and find new ways to breathe life into it. Considering their more recent videos, I can only hope they keep up this level of quality into the next decade. Here’s to another ten years of ERB!

…

Oh, alright, I’ll talk about the bonus battles. So far, there have been two: “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” came out between seasons four and five, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” came out a few months before season six kicked off to show us all that, yes, the boys were back, and they weren’t messing around. Both battles are pretty indicative of the time period they were made; “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” has that extremely high level of quality in terms of writing and characterization that season four did, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” has the sort of rejuvenated, fresh feeling the season six battles have. I will say I much prefer the former than the latter, as the latter does at least somewhat come off as an attempt to recapture the glory of “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” only with two far less charismatic inventors, but it’s still pretty fun and clever in its own right. “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” is, without a doubt, one of their best battles ever, and does justice to two of the most beloved ensemble darkhorses in all of media. I can only hope any bonus battles in the future are up to these two in terms of quality.

Now with all that said… here’s to another decade of ERB! May they only continue to grow and improve in the 2020s!

#Michael in the Mainstream #Review #web show review #epic rap battles of history #ERB #rap #nice peter #epiclloyd #history #rap battles #comedy #Youtube

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words-and-fun · 5 years ago

Text

Ineffable Week: Day Four-

(Sorry this is taking so long! The fanfics are turning out longer than I expected. 😅)

Prompt from @ineffable-event

Ineffable Week - Princes of the Universe

Crowley stepped out of the Bentley into the chilled evening air. It nipped at his skin like city rats starving for a morsel. He tugged his jacket close and trotted up to the bookshop. Despite the CLOSED sign, he pushed opened the door, welcoming the blast of heat that greeted him. “Aziraphale, I’m here. You ready?”

The bell jingled as he closed the door behind him. It had only been a week since the angel had agreed to go with him to the concert. Crowley was somewhat surprised Aziraphale had said yes in the first place. The angel didn’t seem the type to enjoy doing something outdoors, surrounded by lots of humans, and lots of noise. Crowley didn’t usually invite him to concerts, but Freddie had insisted he bring someone special this time. And, who was he, demon or not, to say no to Freddie blasted Mercury.

They had talked and drank together more than the demon had with most humans. Crowley could name the number of them on one hand that he had considered a real friend over his lifetime. It was a rule of his to not let any get too close as they tended to have too short life spans. It made their brief time together all that more heartbreaking when he had to say goodbye.

The stairs creaked at the back of the shop.

Crowley’s mouth fell open. It took a few tries for his thoughts to scramble and catch up with him. “What? What are you…that’s?”

Aziraphale reached the landing and smiled at him. “Oh, I’m ever so excited. It has been ages since we’ve gone to listen to music out in the open. I can recall a time in Vienna, but that was probably centuries ago by now.” He paused, eyeing the floundering demon. “Crowley, are you alright?”

The angel stood wearing tartan Vans shoes, high-waist jeans, a—bloody hell! —white lace shirt and a jean jacket covered in an assortment of neon patches. His hair had been puffed up a bit, and his eyes beckoned for attention from glimmering black eyeliner.

Crowley couldn’t help it. He sunk to his knees, though he wasn’t sure if it was because they were shaking too bad to hold him upright, or he feared they would drag him up to that irresistible tartan-loving angel, so he could kiss the daylights out of him.

Aziraphale stepped closer, concern blanketing his face. “My dear, what’s the matter? Do you feel ill?”

He forced himself to his feet and thrust his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Fine. I’m fine. Finefinefinefinefine.”

Aziraphale glanced down. “It’s not…me, is it? I know I changed my attire a bit, but I hoped it would help me fit in with, well, I mean, you called Mr. Mercury your friend, so I, um, I didn’t want to embarrass you in front of them.”

Something snapped inside of Crowley, probably the last bit of his sanity. He stepped toward the angel, resisting with everything he had to wrap his arms around him. “Angel,” his voice had gained a noticeable husky quality as he tried very, very hard to not stare at Aziraphale’s nipples that peeked through the lace shirt. “I mean it now, when I say that I am, in fact, going to be extremely worried about my job if any other demons see you wearing that tonight.”

Aziraphale glanced up, meeting his eyes. His ears had tinted pink. “So, you like it?”

Crowley bit his lip, not trusting any words that dared to rush out, and resigned to a simple nod.

They were in the car before Crowley trusted his voice again to not spill with confessions or beg for kisses. “Where, eh, where’d you get the outfit, angel?” He peeled out of the driving spot, willing the car to get to the concert in record time.

“Oh, well, I mentioned it to one of my regular customers, and they recommended a place not far from here actually. They were ever so helpful. I told the store attendant about my dilemma, and they did an exceptional job helping me pick an appropriate ensemble. I was so lost when I first arrived. There are so many new accessories and colors, it’s hard to keep up with it all. Though I do think it will be better for me to go back to the clothes, I’m used to after tonight. I’m not sure I’m ready for this much change quite yet.”

“I don’t think the world could handle this much change from you,” Crowley groaned, trying to focus on the road.

“Really, dear,” Aziraphale huffed, but his words held the hint of a smile.

The rest of the drive consisted of mostly small talk about the bookshop or how many quarters Crowley had managed to glue to the sidewalk that day and then forgotten about them and tried to pick them up again. He was down to the single digits, so he considered it a win.

They parked, and Crowley tried not to shiver as he stepped out into the cold again. He knew once he had a drink or two, he’d warm up in no time, and like hell, he was going to use a miracle and have Hell laugh at him for not handling being chilly.

Crowley glanced around at the humans walking over to the ticket counter. A few had stopped and were whispering to one another as they spotted Aziraphale. The demon tensed as he not only recognized the look in their eyes but could sense the undeniable hint of lust swirling in the air. Fuck, he had miscalculated that part of the evening. He didn’t think the angel would actually want to hook up with anyone there, but if they were going to be bombarded with the worst pick up lines in history over the next several hours, it would send Crowley into a really bad mood in no time.

He ground his teeth and stomped over beside the angel. “Look, uh, for the sake of enjoying the music and all still. I think we need to take into account the human factor tonight.”

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow as he shut the car door. “The human factor?”

“Yeah, that. It’s going to be bloody annoying if, well, either of us has to fend off…unwanted advances all night.”

“Oh? Well, do you think it will be bad tonight?”

“Yes, without a doubt. So, uh, look, if you don’t want to, I understand. I am a demon and all, so it’s all, I don’t know, probably too gross, but if we held hands or something, then…well.”

Aziraphale sucked in a breath, then seemed to fiddle with the sleeves of his jacket. “I see. Well, I mean, if-if it halts unwanted advances, then I’m okay with it.”

It was dark, but even in the parking lot lights, Crowley could make out the hint of a blush dusting the angel’s cheeks. Crowley stepped up next to him, and mentally cowed down the beast from inside him that roared to press him against the car. “Just tell me if it’s too much, and I’ll stop.”

Aziraphale nodded, and he held out his hand.

Crowley took it, and they walked. Well, Aziraphale walked, Crowley tried to saunter and not trip over his own feet over a flat, obstacle-free surface. His fingers tightened around the angel’s grip. His heart was convinced they were on a date. But he knew he should not want such things because those were dangerous ideas, yet Crowley was sure by now that he was made of only dangerous ideas. He was a demon, after all. A demon who was undeniably and completely in love with an angel.

They reached the ticket check without Crowley face-planting onto the road or dropping to his knees and professing anything sappy to Aziraphale, so, so far, all was going swell. Their holding hands plan appeared to be working, much to the dismay of the nearby humans.

Crowley could still sense the rising amount of lust in the air. He met the gaze of a few lingering eyes on his angel. So, he raised Aziraphale’s hand to his lips and kissed the back of it.

Aziraphale flinched but didn’t release him. His eyes, however, had widened to a considerable degree.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you, angel. These bloody humans keep getting ideas even with us holding hands. It’s fucking frustrating!”

Aziraphale glanced around, then his shoulders relaxed. However, his lips gained its slight mischievous grin. “Perhaps, they wouldn’t be staring so much if your trousers were not quite so tight, my dear.”

“Me?” Crowley paused before the concessions stand. “They’re staring at you, you idiot. You had to go and dress like a temptation, all wrapped in a neat little bow of lace.”

Aziraphale flushed, and his hands drew together. He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. “Is it too much? Should I change?”

Crowley held back his strangled snake noises with a ragged sigh. He was going to do something he’d kick himself for later. “Angel, you look amazing, really. Don’t let anyone else make you think otherwise. I…” He shifted, trying to not discorporate on the spot. “I love it, your outfit, that is.” Heat reddened his face all the way down his neck. He could feel it shielding him from the chilly night.

Aziraphale stepped forward, taking both of his hands. “Do you really think so?”

“Would I lie to you?”

The angel smiled, trying to meet his eyes. “Well, I mean you do on occasion–”

“Not when it matters.” Crowley grimaced at his sappy slip and flicked his gaze at the angel. “If you keep smiling like an idiot, you’re going to start glowing.”

“Oh, right. Of course, shall we?” Aziraphale dropped one of his hands but laced their fingers together in the other.

Crowley stumbled after him as they made their way to the outdoor stadium. The tickets got them near the front without any enormous speakers blasting at them. Crowley was glad for that for the angel’s sake, but he still worried they would be too close for Aziraphale’s liking. They stood in a huddle of people, all waiting for the concert to start. Most of them chatted amongst themselves, holding a beer or wine cup.

It wasn’t long before the lights flared up. Thousands cheered as Queen took the stage. Crowley felt his lips quirk into a fond smile. He recognized the intro to Princes of the Universe. He’d seen them perform before, but each time had its own special flair, its own unique spark that made it special, and this time—he squeezed Aziraphale’s hand—was most definitely one of the times he’d never forget.

#ineffable event 2019 #Good Omens #Good Omens TV #Aziraphale #Crowley #ineffable husbands #ineffable lovers #daily prompt

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qwigoqwaga2 · 6 years ago

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Random GNR Fun Facts

@motley-queen Anyone please feel free to add to this and correct anything that's incorrect. -Slash really likes snakes. He had two named Clyde and Cranston that were mentioned on the Appetite for Destruction liner notes. -Axl gave Steven the nickname 'Popcorn' when introducing him at their concert at the Ritz in 1988 because of the way his hair bounced around while he played. -Steven loves pugs. -Axl recorded Appetite for Destruction line by line. -GNR used to be friends with Mötley Crüe and one of their first big tours was opening for them during their Girls, Girls, Girls tour. -Axl and Izzy are both kind of reclusive, so they didn't hang out with the Crüe much. I believe Steven and Nikki are still friends now. You may have noticed in the Dirt movie Slash and Steven were present at the gathering where Nikki died. -One time Steven got kicked out of a bar for being too drunk and he got mad an punched a light and broke his hand so he couldn't play and Fred Coury from Cinderella had to fill in for him for a while. -Axl was late to their label signing. The band spent a long time looking for him and eventually found him on the roof, meditating. -Axl's feud with Vince Neil happened because Izzy had made an inappropriate comment about Vince's wife, Sharise. Axl decided he had to get involved and defend his bandmate. Izzy apologized to Vince afterward, but Axl and Vince kept threatening to fight each other but never did. -An early friend of the band (maybe Barbie Von Grief) said that Axl talks a lot about people who've hurt him, which is why he spent so much time badmouthing Slash after Slash quit. -Axl and Izzy are actually country hicks from Indiana. -In the albume liner notes for Use Your Illusion they have "fuck you St. Louis" in reference to the St. Louis riot. During Rocket Queen, there was a guy with a camera who was taunting Axl and Axl told the security to take the camera and they didn't, so he launched himself into the crowd to take it himself. He then got back on stage and announced "thanks to the lameass security, I'm going home" and smashed the microphone on the ground and left. Fans rioted because the show was cut short and Axl was blamed and GNR was banned from playing St. Louis again. There's video of this incident. -All of them abused drugs, but Steven had the worst problem. It got to the point where the rest of the band wanted to kick him out because he couldn't clean up his act, but they didn't have an explicit reason to. The last concert they played together was Farm Aid in 1990. Steven tripped and fell while coming onstage. They did two songs, Civil War, which was new and they had only rehearsed it in the studio a few times, and a UK Subs cover Down On the Farm, which Steven had never heard before. Duff clapped the beat for him and Steven managed to play the song (well enough that I wouldn't have known he'd never heard it). He happened to be going through a period of trying to get clean (which, like Nikki Sixx he tried and failed many many times before finally getting clean in 2010) and he was super sick from withdrawal when they fired him. They made him come in to record Civil War and he could barely get through the song (the final version of his part had to be heavily edited to be a cohesive song) because he was so sick. They claimed it was evidence that he was too jacked up to be in the band and fired him. -Axl was married twice. Once to Erin Everly, who Sweet Child O' Mine is about, and once to Stephanie Seymour who appeared in the November Rain music video (I believe that's where they started dating) and likely many of the songs on Chinese Democracy are about her (and/or Slash). In both relationships, they were abusive to each other. -I believe it was Stephanie that Axl proposed to by threatening to shoot himself if she didn't marry him. -The bromance is strong in this band. Slash/Axl, Slash/Steven, Slash/Duff, Duff/Steven, and Axl/Izzy were all BFF pairs. -Axl and Izzy were actually BFFs from school. Steven and Slash were too. They met when Steven fell off his skateboard and Slash came and asked if he was ok. -Axl's singing career began as a child when he sang in the church choir. -Welcome to the Jungle was written about when Axl left home and went to New York City (it might have been LA, but I think it was NYC the first time) and got off the bus and as he tells it in the intro from the Ritz '88 concert "this little old black man comes up to me and my friend with our backpacks and about ten bucks between us and he goes, 'do you know where you are? you're in the jungle, baby, you're gonna die!" -Axl wanted real sex sounds for Rocket Queen, so that's him and Steven's girlfriend Adrianna (which Steven was pissed about). -Their first tour together was known as the Hell Tour. Duff had a band with some shows scheduled up in Seattle (where he's from) so they were going to play them but their car broke down and they had to hitchike there and leave all their equipment behind. -They at one point lived in what was essentially a garage with a loft. -Axl has bipolar disorder and is generally a very intense person. He's described as both a huge asshole and an incredibly sweet, caring guy. He's also actually very quiet and shy. -For example, one time when Steven overdosed and was in the hospital, Axl was the only one who came to visit him. -One time Axl was with some girls and wanted to go to one of Mötley Crüe's parties, but he was too shy to ask so he sent the girls and Nikki decided to let the girls in but not Axl just to be a dick. -The start of the whole "Axl is a control-freak dictator" thing is from when they toured with the Rolling Stones. Axl was so impressed with how the Stone's tour was such a well-oiled machine and he wanted GNR to be like that (I think it was GNR that Metallica said they learned everything what not to do from touring with GNR). Suposedly Axl forced Slash and Duff to sign away all the rights to everything GNR to Axl or else he refused to go on stage. They quit shortly after that. -Freddie Mercury and Elton John were Axl's idols (hence all the grandiose piano songs). -At Donington in 1988, two fans were killed during their set. That show is where some of the footage for the Paradise City music video comes from. The band didn't find out until afterward and they were devestated. The crowd had been rowdy and they could see people were getting injured and Axl had been trying to get the crowd to calm down, but the two bodies weren't found until after the show (it had been raining so much it was super muddy and they were partially buried in the mud). -Izzy is basically a recluse and no one knows where he is or what he's doing. But he does have a solo career. I don't think he ever wanted to be in a band as big as GNR became. -Slash and Duff founded Velvet Revolver together. Sebastian Bach auditioned, but they rejected him because they said they sounded like Skid Roses (so they went with Scott Weiland and sounded like Stone Temple Roses instead). -The first ideas for the music for November Rain came to Axl while he was on a bus in the early-mid 80s. -They didn't used to have a setlist. Axl would just pick songs based on the mood of the crowd. During the Use Your Illusion tour this meant that all the backing musicians and dancers had to be just waiting backstage for their song to be announced. -Axl threw ridiculously extravagant afterparties on the Use Your Illusion tour. -Slash proposed the original lyrics for Paradise City: "where the girls are cute and they've got big titties" -Right Next Door to Hell was written about Axl's neighbor who claimed that he attacked her with a wine bottle and there was a lengthy legal battle about it. -They were an overnight sensation basically. The Welcome to the Jungle music video was played on MTV at midnight or 3am or something ridiculous but fans loved it so much they kept calling in and asking for it to be played again. -They used to be glam in their early days. Steven argued against it became the makeup would run in his eyes while playing.

#guns n' roses #guns n roses #gnr #axl rose #slash #steven adler #izzy stradlin #duff mckagan

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everysongineverykey · 5 years ago

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a sophiana fic! (finally)

Sophie’s fingers ran carefully over the ivory keys, darting from one to the other, scratching out the opening bars to Welcome To The Black Parade- the song she’d practiced (i.e. banged her head to) for so long, just because it was that little taste of home she needed to get her through the day. It was almost 5 PM- Sophie and a few other prodigies had stayed behind after school to help polish the musical instruments as punishment for the epic prank they- led by Keefe- had pulled on the band.

Sophie had groaned all the way through the tedious chore. It wasn’t her fault Vaala Alvarent couldn’t take a joke. Everyone knew her trombone sounded better when it made cat noises anyway.

She looked down at the sleek piano, taking in all its shiny elegance. Man, she’d missed this. She hadn’t played any musical instrument since fifth grade, when she’d played the tuba in band class. Her classmates had used it as yet another thing to tease her for, and to stick over her head. Ever since then…

Well, she’d been somewhat averse to making music, preferring to listen quietly to that of others. Brendon Urie, Gerard Way, Freddie Mercury… they’d been her role models throughout her teenage years.

As she played through the tune again, she began to hum the lyrics- then, as her confidence grew, humming turned into hushed singing, and then, satisfied that no one was listening, she began to sing for the first time in what must’ve been years:

“When I was, a young boy, my father, took me into the city…”

And over, and over, and over again.

It wasn’t until the fifth time running that a voice had popped up behind her and terrified her out of her mind.

“So this is what they taught you in the Forbidden Cities.”

Sophie whipped around and saw the worst thing she could possibly see- Biana Vacker.

The brown-haired girl leaned against the doorway, head cocked to the side, a curious sort of smile on her face that seemed to say, “My, what a strange sight this is, but I’m somewhat intrigued- good job, I think.”

Dammit. Of course it had to be Sophie’s biggest crush who happened to be standing watching and listening to her belt out the lyrics to an embarrassing rock song.

“Oh, uh- hi, Biana. Sorry, was I-?” Sophie was at a loss for words. Biana had that effect on her. She quickly stood up and flashed an embarrassed smile, which Biana returned with her own dazzling one.

“You were playing piano. I didn’t know you knew how to do that.” Biana sighed, then looked wistfully over at the instrument. “I always wanted to learn how to play, but I never got the chance… There’s not a lot of… that stuff you were singing in the Lost Cities. What was it?”

“Oh, it’s just a little… ballad. A traditional ballad. For, um, revolution. They sang it during the, uh, Revolutionary war. It was supposed to up morale.” Sophie had no idea what she was saying at this point, but it was better than telling her crush of two years that it was a rock song from her emo phase.

“I didn’t think humans were big on ballads. What’s it called?”

Sophie fumbled for an answer- she was too deep in at this point to come clean. Alright, Sophie, she thought to herself, don’t say March of The Black Queen, don’t say March of The Black Queen…

“It’s called… March of The Black Queen.”

Sophie silently kicked herself. All the bands were overlapping at this point.

“It sounded… pretty cool. You have a nice voice, by the way.” Sophie’s heart soared.

“Oh, really? I, well… thanks. I don’t sing often.”

“Well, you should.” Biana was still looking at the piano. She turned to Sophie suddenly with a hopeful look on her face. “Could you maybe… teach me how to play?”

All of Sophie’s senses were tumbling over each other now, and she blurted out “yes” without really thinking about it. Biana beamed, then sat down on the piano bench.

“Great! Should we start now? We’ve got a couple more hours till we can go home, and I’ve finished my bit for the night. If you ask me, band kids just can’t take a joke.”

Sophie giggled, then sat slowly down beside her on the small bench- their legs were touching. It wasn’t a big deal. It was definitely a big deal. Sophie pointed to middle c.

“Okay, so… you know all the notes, right?” Biana nodded. “Great. It’s really simple, actually- you just…”

And they started. Sophie’s heart screamed every time Biana’s fingers brushed against hers. It took a while, but eventually she could play the whole intro. Sophie beamed the first time her friend played it all the way through perfectly. Actually, Sophie beamed at Biana a lot. It was a habit.

“This is really fun,” Biana said. “I didn’t realize humans had such great taste in music. Do you know any other ballads?”

“Uh… yeah, but we’re almost out of time. We should probably continue another time. You’re doing great, though. I’m really proud of you.”

Biana smiled, then played the intro again. When she was done, she turned to Sophie and said quietly, “I really enjoyed this, Soph. I didn’t know you were musical.”

“Oh, well, I’m not really musical. I just play other peoples’ songs- I don’t compose my own. But thanks.”

“Is there anything else I don’t know about you that I should?”

Oh, goody.

Yes, there is, like the fact that I’m in love with you. “Tons of things.”

“Then… I’d love to find out what. Maybe over dinner sometime?”

Sophie’s insides were doing flips. “Uh… like a date?”

Biana smiled eagerly. Hopefully. “Well, I… it can be a date… I’d like a date.”

“Oh.”

This was the moment Sophie had been waiting for ever since she first met Biana. She was not going to make a mess of it.

“Then I accept your proposal. I mean- offer. I- dinner next week? In Atlantis?”

She’d made a mess of it.

But Biana still smiled and agreed.

Then Keefe- that idiot Keefe- poked his head in and told the two of them to get their butts moving, because it was 7 PM and they could leave now.

As they walked out onto the courtyard, Biana raised her pathfinder- but just before she stepped into the beam of light, she turned to Sophie and said, “By the way, Soph, I like MCR too.”

#never written sophiana before so #hope it’s good!#KOTLC fanfiction #keeper of the lost cities #sophiana fanfiction #sophie foster #biana vacker

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holydanced · 7 years ago

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* — so this did NOT take long at all , wow ….. but anyways , hello m’loves im alex & i’m on my current bullshit of prolonged - everything and wack intros !! i’m 21 , my pronouns r she / her , from the incredible tz that is gmt and but have zero ( 0 ) concept of time clearly & i like watching tasty vids knowing damn well i’m never making a single dish and other stuff it’s 2 late for me 2 rmbr and list but welcome to my step daughter , shmoke itch queue !! under the read more is 1 / 2 of the intro posts i plan on posting this week with a good batch of my shunts . can’t wait 2 get back to ya’ll on plots and connections and hmu if a muse peeks ur unfortunate interest !!

* SOUTHERN HELL / AMANDA WHEELER : queen of irony. rich faux post-country gal. a loud homosexual who writes hetero fics/has an indie het smut for the absolute shits and giggles. madly in love with her girlfriend and WILL remind you just in case you forgot. said to be possessed by a possessed flapper. cute and knows it even though she looks like a republican. socially open & everywhere. morally grey.

* VEGAN OVERLORD / IMOGEN YATES : the grey area between your mom friend and your drunk aunt. happily vegan & owns a vegan restaurant called the fork, alt. the local vegan cult’s lair. won’t kill you, but will convince you she really wants to. local brat tamer. minds her business via minding others. clashed head-first into nature’s very own reset button: amnesia. used to be the devil herself and traumatized everyone she once knew. disgustingly active and accomplishing.

* WALMART AVRIL LAVIGNE / PRUDENCE ZIMA : parents died in a fire when she was a youngin and it shows. idolizes avril lavigne & her favorite movie is lords of dogtown for aesthetics references. dude. social leech or effortless networker ? both. remains in her lane regardless. cries over dick biweekly. here for a good time, not a long time. steals your stash and smokes you out with it. avid dick connoisseur. loves her pet python to death. minimum effort lifestyle. either on her way to become a manager of some one hit wonder band that finds it’s demise in a crashing plane, a drug dealer or god forbid, a guidance counselor. mild gone girl type cool girl syndrome.

* SATAN , BUT IN FRENCH / ABEL GAUTIER : french and “confused”. lives a minimalist n’ expensive lifestyle. if american psycho & french kiss were the same movie. wine sniffer. the devil bakes croissants. will watch you die. takes grudges to the afterlife. gets attached but either ruins it or ruins it to spare everyone, himself included. falls in love a lot but knows how to calm the fuck down. well-suppressed murderous tendencies. very giving, fortunately. manipulative but isn’t too wild about bending everything to his will.

* ROSES IN THE TRASH DOT PNG / SIMINI GALE : [ britney vc ] its me…. against dissociation. token white actress & character in rosie’s show. a loud mess with an intense mental state and anger issues dulled out by her prescribed meds and whatever pill she got in the bottom of her manager’s purse. overly dependent and is distraught about it. grocery shopping for garbage food and attending comedy stand ups half drunk as a hobby. stable ? don’t know her. very nice and super flighty. heels are hot. wishes she could fight someone without feeling the urge to actually fight someone. crying probably.

* HAPPY MACHINE BROKE / CALVIN O’SHEA : it’s not just the depression more than the incredible self hatred. walks into rooms with his bad energy & cunty attitude. graduated college just to shut his dad up. wants to die harder than edward cullen. just doesn’t give a shit. has a baby named FREDDIE MERCURY JOHN LENNON BAUMANN ( also known as the antichrist, with alanis, his mortal literal enemy whom he absolutely despises and will NOT hesitate to put his dick back in again ) . wishes he could die.

* DIVORCED DADS ARE HOT / KELLY SCOTT : a father who tries™. runs a chop shop because bad decisions and dire needs ( had his son to send to school and his daughter who passed away due to a condition he couldn’t afford to treat even after turning his mechanic shop into a chop shop. his wife then left him ) .stares into the distance. needs to pull out of this dull n’ depressing daily routine he has fallen into like the basic ass divorced dad he is.

* SLAVGOTH / SEBASTIAN MILLER : kazimer sokolov whom. russian ex-cult member well-adjusted into a mundane life via lies, a fake canadian accent he’s ‘trying to get rid of’ and being a twilight saga aficionado & a certified dick. runs his lame record store and a tumblr blog to keep himself sane by maintaining a general aesthetic & shitting on people and every discourse out there. knives/books sniffer. allegedly fucked a moose. probably kinkshames as a way to deal with his own “kinks”. you thought it’s one fake bitch in this house but it’s quite literally two.

* UNCLE SAL WITH THE FACTS / SALVATORE PRESLEY : a hitman who doesn’t know how to retire. talks. a great father and boyfriend in a long, long, long term relationship. gets shit done which is both a good thing and a bad thing. don’t call him salvatore, don’t call him anything. knows how to mix drinks and other things. obsessive; gets into his job a little too intensely and it shows. loses sleep at least two nights a week as a habit at this point. family-oriented; has an extended family back home he misses occasionally. wishes he could calm down truly.

* UH HUH , THIS MY SHIT ! ALL THE GOTHS STOMP YOUR FEET LIKE THIS ! / FRED MARLON : not-so-local - perky goth - skater boi. bisexuals wear multiple rings. was a cheerleader and won’t stop spelling shit & chanting since then. advocates for getting your guts stirred safe sex. lucid dreams. criminology major but associates with film majors for some reason. was the employee of the month everywhere he worked. remembers his time in bed, bath and beyond fondly. went to psycho camp when he was twelve. a motherfucking sweedie. actual foot fetish apologist.

* [ POINTS AT EMPTY CORNER ] AND HERE’S MY GREAT GRANDFATHER, ARMITAGE / MARSHA HUNT : obsessing over the victorian (gothic) era & death. obsessive, period. interesting family lineage. believes the manor she inherited is haunted (mainly because deaths happened there and up until a certain period in its history, they had their own graveyard within the estate). believes a lot of things that don’t make sense but bear with her. crackhead tendencies. talking is a full body experience. demands your full attention or none of it. allergic to but likes flowers. witchcraft? she’s listening. romantic in the worst way. will teach you how to dance. not entirely here at all. writer_in_the_dark.mp3. heightened senses. rich and doesn’t know what to do with the money. doesn’t trust first impressions. the drunk aunt and the weird cousin.

* ( PRETTY ) DAFT BOY / JACK LOWELL : jackary. handsome_the_vaccines.mp3. vaguely ‘poetic’ instagram captions & private social media accounts made for his mental breakdowns. currently on a “break” from college. lashes out over air. a current equipment bitch to the band he got kicked out of. manipulative and morally on the fence of neutral and his father’s son. isn’t sure if he enabled his sister’s murderous nature on purpose or not. will crash at your place and finish your cereal but still make you breakfast and a cool tune in the morning like the soft, self-absorbed cunt he is. self destructs over one ( 1 ) girl and hangs out with many.

* THE REASON WHY YOUR CAR RIDES GO THE FUCK OFF / NAZARETH NIEVES : pouty lesbian. music producer tormenting her record label by being a brat. chronically bored and disgusted. pulls a rihanna and makes close friends off the industry. will bite heads off. selectively decent. is unable to enjoy music from the same genre she produces for. power bottom. brutally killed her dead best friend’s father, hid his body and picked up his youngest daughter from school and took her in her family home; the line of murders in their unsuspecting city ceased conveniently. likes the smell of nail polish.

#smoke:intros #couldve sworn im never getting this posted today but here we Are !!!#i shall dip out for the night but HMU if u want stuff + ill get on mssgs all over @ ims and discord tmrw so xoxo #tw violence #tw death

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hermanunworthy · 1 year ago

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!DNDADS S2 EP40 SPOILERS!

ALRIGHTY PEOPLE. its time to enter a new arc! the fact that this episode is a longer one AND ALSO a two parter is so intimidating. what big stuff will happen i wonder

- HOW IS THE INTRO NOT HEY JUDE. WE WERE ROBBED

- IS THIS. ABOUT THE FUCKING MCDONALDS BIT. THE FUCKING OUT OF CHARACTER BIT THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO W THAT SUPER IMPORTANT EPISODE 😭😭 GOD

- I HATE THISSSSS WHYYYY

- that was the WORST intro. help.

- TAYLOR CAT FACT???

- NOOOOO TAYLOR IS A TIKTOK NPC LIVESTREAMER NOOOO

- WAIT WAIT WTF IS HAPPENING W LINC WHAT

- LINCOLN MR KICKS I CANT DO THIS HELPP

- this lincoln fact is actually very sad esp since ive been relistening to the earlier eps lately 😭 HE USED TO LOVE HIS DADS. MY SWEET LITTLE BOY.

- normals rad fact. this is just like that one drawing i did w him and linc w the garfield and odie hoodies except its garfield and nermal

- we better get tenmoku content this episode!!

- the message is coming from the school??

- god this is a disaster already what is going on

- is this crazy back and forth the reason why this episode is so long /hj

- i love dood

- A PERSON SUIT??? OH MY GOD WHAT IF THEY PUT DOOD IN THE TEENY COSTUME. PLZ PLZ PLZ

- YESSSSS LETS GOOOOO I WAS HOPING THIS WOULD HAPPEN

- OH SHIT THE COSTUME IS STILL IN GOOFS REALM HUH

- NORMAL HAVING A SPARE TEENY DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF HIM WEARING IT ALL THE TIME TO DEFEND IT FROM CHAPARRAL

- "fuck taylor u stupid fucking idiot" WHOA DOOD???

- its been a while since we gotta a good ol "ill kill u" from taylor

- HERMIE I SCREAMED. why am i like this

- ROLLING INSIGHT ON HERMIE FINALLY.

- NORMALS FINALLY QUESTIONING WHY HERMIES STILL THERE OHHHH MY GOD WHY IS THIS HAPPENING NOW OF ALL TIMES

- PLZ GOD SOMEONE ROLL WELL ON HERMIE IM DYING HERE

- this lincoln and grant thing is PAINFUL.

- HOW LONG IS THIS JOHN BIT GONNA GO

- BOSS KICKS.

- BACK TO SCHOOL YIPPEEEE

- SCAM!!!!!!!

- okay well the sign is talking about 5 of them but do they mean the pcs and dood or the pcs and hermie?

- ohhh hermies not on the sign. excluded once again

- whoa hermie achieved normals dream. being a Normal Teen

- SUCKY. SUCKY BOND. IM SCREMAING

- THIS PODCAST IS SO STUPID!!!!!

- THE FACT THAT NOW LINCOLN DOESNT EVEN BAT AN EYE WHEN PEOPLE GET KILLED. god he HAS changed since the beginning of the season

- HERMIE STFU (i love hermie and scary as a duo actually but HERMIE STFU)

- WILL AND FREDDIES BONDING MOMENT LMAOOO

- WHY IS ANTHONY MAKING THE SOUND EFFECTS FOR IT UGHHH

- hermie steals the mascot costume once again.

- i have no idea whats happening what is their plan im so confused

- GRAAANT he makes me so sad

- THE WILSON HANDSHAKE.

- LINCOLN IS SO FUNNY THIS EPISODE

- i was really hoping theyd be at school longer tbh

- i feel like im not commenting enough on everything happening im so lost

- HOLY SHIT THEY CAN CHANGE THEIR CLASSES NOW. OH MY GOD THEYRE ACTUALLY GONNA DO IT

- i. what even happened in that episode. okay

#dndads #dndads spoilers #dndads s2 spoilers #siren says

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airadam · 5 years ago

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Episode 123 : Count On It.

"...we see people as numbers and we make 'em check a box."

- Invincible

I couldn't not acknowledge the numerical sequence in this month's episode number! The episode title ties into that, but also the consistency I pride myself on when it comes to getting the show completed; on time, every time. As far as the tunes this time out, there are a few that play on the theme, plus we remember the great Sean Price on the 4th anniversary of his passing, as well as a bunch of other interesting tracks both old and new. 1, 2, 3, let's go!

Twitter : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Geto Boys : 1, 2, the 3

I'm opening with this track just on principle, but only including Scarface's opening verse - if you want the whole thing, look up "The Foundation" album. That Tone Capone (who gave us the classic "I Got 5 On It") groove is wicked though...

[Pete Rock] Ed O.G. : Right Now! (Instrumental)

It's always good to hear a Pete Rock beat, and the re-issue of "My Own Worst Enemy", his album with Boston legend Edo G, has a full set of instrumentals 👍

Sean Price ft. St.Maffew : Weed & Hoes

Disrespectful on multiple levels - but so good. Not sure who produced this, but that's a brilliant bit of sample manipulation to turn gospel vocals into the hook for this thugged-out track. Sean's verse is definitely the one, but Maffew Ragazino (performing under an (in)appropriate alias) does his thing here too. If you can find it, this track is on the "Kimbo Price" mixtape. I can't believe this is ten years old already!

Heather B : All Glocks Down

A classic anti-gun record from the mid-90s, with this BDP affiliate taking no kinds of shorts on the mic at all! In fact, she would say she was "Takin' Mine", as her debut LP was titled. Kenny Parker works an old soul classic for the beat.

Termanology ft. Bun B : How We Rock

I don't know why I haven't played this one until now - it's been a headphone favourite for a long time, as you can tell by the reference to "Obama '08"! Lawrence, MA and Port Arthur, TX in combination here as Termanology brings in the legend Bun B of UGK to add his gravitas and gravelly flow to this DJ Premier-produced track. "Politics As Usual" is definitely worth a listen if you don't know it, and a re-listen if you do - there are a good number of quality tracks on it.

Papoose : Numerical Slaughter

Every time I think of Papoose, I now think of the late Combat Jack (RIP) - that said, I'd like to think even he couldn't deny this one! In a thematic blend between "Alphabetical Slaughter" and something like Emanon's "Count Your Blessings", 2019 Papoose runs through the numbers one to nine over a dramatic DJ Premier beat. Bars like this show that the title of his new LP ("Underrated") is an accurate one.

Jel : Loop/Truncate

We take a break from the rhymes to hear some pure SP1200 wizardry from Anticon's Jel, taken from the appropriately-titled "10 Seconds" album. That drum programming clearly took some serious work - those who've ever tried it will understand the difficulty level of some of those fills!

Bumpy Knuckles ft. Big Gov, V Stylez, and Kuye Mason : In Love With The Game

The "Pop Duke, Vol.1" LP is a heavy collaboration with the producer Nottz which is a recommended pickup if you love that boom-bap sound. While there are some big guests on the album, this track features some less well-known artists - Big Gov and V Stylez from Detroit, plus NYC's Kuye Mason on the hook. The beat grinds along like a drunk and grimier version of EPMD's "Headbanger", and after all the guests have eaten, Bumpy Knuckles comes in at the end to do what he does best - clean up like a pro.

Freddie Gibbs : Fuckin' Up The Count

Dark drug business from Gangsta Gibbs' "Shadow of a Doubt" LP. If you were a fan of "The Wire", you might recognise the intro voiceover, bridge, and the outro (if you can hear it) from some classic scenes taken from that monumental series. Speakerbomb, Frank Dukes, and Boi-1da merge some melancholy piano and bass which match the theme with some clean trap drums for that speaker shake.

Portishead : Numb

The classic "Dummy" album, Portishead's debut, is twenty-five years old this month! This was the lead single, and one hell of an introduction to this Bristol trio. Hip-Hop heads would immediately be able to detect the presence of kindred spirits in method and influence, if not direct style. A track like this wouldn't be the same without Geoff Barrow's scratching filling in the breaks between Beth Gibbons' killer vocals. If you don't know this album, sit in on an evening and give it a front-to-back listen.

Marco Polo ft. Sean P & Rock : I'm So High (Remix)

It was completely coincidental I ended up choosing two weed-themed Sean P tracks this month! This one is new to me, but is a winner - reuniting Heltah Skeltah on a fire Marco Polo beat. The original version of this track, minus Rock, is at least seven years old, so it's not a posthumous piece as such - Marco and Sean definitely worked together on this. "The Green" mini-album compilation is a whole project of ganja business, which I can at least appreciate on a music level even if it's not my experience :)

MFSB : Something For Nothing

Even if you don't know this song, it'll be familiar to quite a number of you because it's been sampled so many times! I'm playing this from an old dusty 7", but that's just a single release from the 1973 self-titled debut album from the house band of the mighty Philadelphia International Records.

The Left ft. Invincible : Statistics

I believe it was Vicky T's "Rhyme & Reason" show that introduced me to this track. The Left is a Detroit crew made up of Journalist 103 on the mic, Apollo Brown on production, and DJ Soko with the cuts. Local mic flamethrower Invincible is the featured artist on this selection from the 2010 "Gas Mask" album, and both MCs paint pictures (one first-person, one not) of hard lives in the face of an uncaring, bureaucratic system.

Rapsody ft. GZA and D'Angelo : Ibtihaj

Now this is what you call a big co-sign - Rapsody rhyming over a tweaked version of the "Liquid Swords" beat, and getting GZA himself to contribute a guest verse! If that wasn't enough, the notoriously reclusive D'Angelo comes in to perform the hook. That kind of weight lets you know that this MC is the truth. She commands the mic with strength and confidence, and it feels like the start of a coming-out party. The new "Eve" album is a sixteen-song collection where every track is names after a woman Rapsody admires - in this case, the American Muslim hijabi fencer Ibtihaj Muhammad. Enjoy listening here, but the striking video is definitely worth a watch too!

Camp Lo : Superfly

This Camp Lo demo is dope as-is, but one that I wouldn't have minded hearing done again for the "Uptown Saturday Night" LP. As it is, this is a track that was unknown to most of us until the release of "On The Way Uptown", which collected together a lot of the demos and sketches from that era. Boom-bap, sparkle, and slang in abundance.

DRS ft. Enei : Count To Ten

Last episode you heard DRS in Hip-Hop mode from his most recent LP, but here we go D&B as we wind it all the way back to his debut LP, "I Don't Usually Like MCs But..." DRS delivers his lines with a measured aggression and is never hurried by the track - like an MC version of the T-101. For the instrumental, Russian producer Enei keeps things stark and dark.

Kev Brown : Victorious

Beat-heads will enjoy Kev Brown's short concept beat tape "Delve Into Classical Moog" from which this is taken; not only does he make heavy use of the sounds of the synth of the same name, but also samples the words of the great Robert Moog himself. I've extended this track a bit to make it more suitable for the show outro voiceover, and it was one well worth playing right to the end.

Redman : Da Countdown (Saga Continues)

This might have been a more appropriate pick for episode 321, but if I'm lucky and energetic enough to get that far, that's over sixteen years away - which would make this track officially an oldie! As it is, this is the highlight of the 2004 "Ill At Will" mixtape by Redman, coming out on his then-new label, Gilla House. The beat is bombastic, and Red is not coming meek and mild with it either! The sample on the hook should sound familiar to those who've been listening since the 90s - it's from the final NWA album. Ironic that the saga did not continue in the way they might have expected...

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

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yahoo-shutdown-corner-blog · 7 years ago

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Welcome to the era of NFL parity. Is this good for football?

yahoo

It’s time for the War Room, where Yahoo Sports’ football minds kick around the key topics of the day. Today, we’re talking parity and walk-out music. Got an idea for a future question? Email us here. Now, onward!

1. Welcome to the modern NFL. We have a couple very good teams, a couple very bad teams and everybody else … eh? You could pick anybody this side of Cleveland to make a run into the playoffs and nobody would be surprised. So … is parity good for the NFL? Or should we have super-teams like the NBA? Your thoughts, please.

Frank Schwab The echo chamber of NFL negativity is out of control. If the New England Patriots were undefeated, people would complain there wasn’t any suspense. We’ve never seen the NFL be this competitive, and people complain about that. I guess there are too many good teams for people. But no matter what it is, people will find a way to complain. Two-thirds of the NFL is set up pretty well at quarterback, but all you hear about is how bad quarterbacking is because one-third of the league is still figuring it out, sometimes with promising rookies (think about this: people are already complaining about how bad it will be when Tom Brady, Drew Brees et al. retire … while they’re still playing great football). Just because there are a lot of teams that have similar records doesn’t mean they are bad. I’ve never seen the league more balanced from top to almost bottom (sorry, Cleveland Browns). The 0-8 San Francisco 49ers had a stretch in which they lost five straight games by 13 points, which has never happened before. This is what it looks like when many capable franchises are competing for finite resources. This is what it looks like when there are a lot of very good coaching staffs trying to out-do each other. It’s really hard to build super-teams in an intensely competitive league. When the NFL has a full schedule, 16 teams will lose. It doesn’t mean those 16 teams are terrible. But if there was a way for 30 teams to win and two to lose, people would fixate on the two losing teams and say the league was awful because of them. The difference between the teams with the best records in the NFL and the teams with the worst records is quite small, and I don’t know how that’s a bad thing. The intense negativity is unique to the NFL – people don’t watch Russell Westbrook, John Wall, Chris Paul, Kyrie Irving but still whine that the NBA is screwed because there are five bad point guards – and I can’t say I understand it.

Shalise Manza Young Isn’t this exactly how the NFL is set up? For parity? We’re at the start of Week 9 and 17 teams are at .500 or better, meaning over half of the teams in the league – and their fan bases – have a chance of making the playoffs. Another six teams are 3-4, and not yet out of the picture. Shouldn’t this be what we want? That we’re midway through the season and a good number of clubs still have a chance? If there is an NFL super-team, it’s the Patriots, and everyone hates them that isn’t a Patriots fan (yes, Bill Belichick and the “-gates” play a role in that). Besides, given the league salary cap and the sheer number of players on a roster and number of roles, it’s almost impossible to have NBA-style super-teams. Just sit back and enjoy the last nine weeks of the regular season.

Anthony Sulla-Heffinger As Shalise wrote, with the sheer size of an NFL roster, the hard salary cap, and the unpredictability of injuries, there’s really no way to have a football super-team – and that’s a good thing. While the NBA may have a few marquee teams and matchups throughout the increasingly meaningless regular season, there are also teams that openly tank to set themselves up for better draft picks which, despite what Sixers fans will tell you, is a problem. I’d rather have a bunch of competitive games with higher stakes week-in and week-out than only a handful I truly care about while I wait for the playoffs to come, which is what happens in the NBA in the super-team era.

Brandon Velaski While I think the NBA playoffs benefits from having the super-teams, their regular season is very watered down because of it. Not to mention the fact that their regular season is 82 games rendering each of them less meaningful than the 16 for its NFL counterpart. The parity in the NFL breeds hope and hope later into the season breeds more eyeballs. While a super-team is good in terms of being a villain for all to root against, the NFL is fine where it’s at right now.

Blake Schuster Parity in the NFL is kind of boring. There, I said it. I don’t believe super-teams can be manufactured in football in the same way we see it work in the NBA (sup, 2011 Eagles?), but that doesn’t mean dominant teams are a bad thing. Last week featured just one division matchup in Panthers-Buccaneers, two competitive teams that didn’t really put on an exciting performance, and both squads were playoff contenders. Maybe it’s that so many teams are banged up this year that the game has lost a level of intrigue, but I love the David and Goliath matchup — with the exception of any game Cleveland plays in. Give me the 2007 Patriots against the field, show me a clear line between good and bad teams. And let’s not forget how much more fun the game day experience is when we can collectively make fun of horrible teams and root against great ones. Show me the heroes and villains and don’t try to tell me that isn’t good for the game.

Jay Busbee I don’t want one super-team. I want at least two, preferably in the same conference, beating the hell out of each other. The Cowboys-49ers rivalry of the early ’90s remains one of my absolute favorite duels in all of sports; it was like a family reunion and an arms race all at once. Let ’em challenge a would-be contender from the other conference, but two matchups a year between beasts, a Monday night game and a late-January playoff, would suit me just fine. As for parity … well, it allows more teams a chance to get in the mix, but it also means that nobody outside of the Patriots sticks around for very long. Good for the short term, not so much for the long.

Jordan Schultz One of the best parts about the NFL is its annual barrage of parity. Teams we think are really good often underachieve and teams we sleep on are often far better than we projected. The NBA, to be sure, is as healthy as its ever been, and the so-called super-team era is a key reason why. But the NBA is also a superstar driven league. The NFL has superstars, but they aren’t the driving force. Part of that stems from the hard salary cap and part of it stems from the sheer volume of players. And for football fans, that is just fine.

Zach Pereles One of the things I like most about the NFL is that you don’t get any super-teams per se, but you do get plenty of teams you can pencil into the playoffs year after year: teams such as the Patriots, Steelers, Seahawks and, before Aaron Rodgers got hurt, the Packers. And then all of the other teams set out to unseat those prohibitive favorites. How awesome would it be for the Bills, who haven’t made the playoffs in 17 years, to win the AFC East over the Patriots? Or the Rams snapping a 12-year playoff drought by beating the Seahawks in the NFC West? Both could happen this year. I love parity because it prevents stagnation, and the NFL brings just enough parity.

Alex Smith brings the heat, but he could use some personalized music, too. (Getty)

2. Baseball players get their own walk-up music. Why shouldn’t football players? Pick a player (or a team) and identify which music would best represent them. As always, Rob “Yeti Cooler In Human Form” Gronkowski is off the table for this exercise.

The Browns should just enter to the Benny Hill theme song, or “Yakety Sax” as it’s better known. Do I really need to explain why? –Velaski

The Oakland Raiders have to walk in to “Back in Black” by AC/DC. The road white uniforms just aren’t getting it done. The Raiders are 1-3 on the road this year with an abysmal loss to Washington in primetime earlier this year, a loss in Denver in which Derek Carr got hurt and another poor effort in Buffalo just this last weekend. Meanwhile, back home they’re 2-2 with a win over their division rival Chiefs and the not-so-terrible Jets. The black unis are a fear-striking classic. The white unis? Uh, not so much. –Pereles

Some of the song choices are obvious. Forget Springsteen; Tom Petty’s “Free Falling” ought to be playing to start every Giants game. The Chargers would own Los Angeles if they just started playing Tupac’s “California Love” during intros. Martavis Bryant could walk onto Heinz Field to the strains of “We Are Never Getting Back Together.” And the fact that the Falcons don’t storm Mercedes-Benz Stadium to the beat of Outkast’s “B.O.B.” is damn near a felony. –Busbee

Marshawn Lynch needs intro music. I mean he’s just perfect! I love Drake’s “Started From The Bottom.” The song personifies Beast Mode’s humble beginnings and endless loyalty toward his friends and teammates. For example, Lynch bought a local restaurant that was about to go under all because the owner fed him meals as a young boy when he couldn’t afford to pay. –Schultz

Despite the fact that I’d probably have to sit 20-year-old JuJu Smith-Schuster down and explain to him that Queen was a phenomenal band from the ‘70s with arguably the greatest mustachioed lead singer of all-time in Freddie Mercury, there’s no better song for the young Steelers star than “Bicycle Race.” Considering the recent events surrounding JuJu’s preferred method of transportation, there’s no more perfect song than the 1978 classic that repeatedly states “I want to ride my bicycle,” and, as a bonus, he’d get a little music history lesson in the process. –Sulla

Let’s find something good for Deshaun Watson, who might be the best story in the NFL this season. How about “I’m the One” by DJ Khaled? Because I’m not sure we’ve ever seen a rookie quarterback play quite like this. It does seem like he’s the NFL’s next superstar. He’s the one, though it seems like he’d never tout himself that way (maybe “HUMBLE.” by Kendrick Lamar would fit better). –Schwab

Since Jay said we can’t use Rob Gronkowski, whose entry music would of course be “Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO, let’s go with DJ Khaled’s “Shining” for Carson Wentz and the 7-1 Philadelphia Eagles, who made themselves even stronger on Tuesday with the trade for Jay Ajayi. As an aside, Tom Brady does have entrance music, and it’s pretty hot – at every home game, when Brady comes onto the field for warmups, the PA immediately starts playing “Public Service Announcement,” an interlude on Jay Z’s “The Black Album.” –Young

Tom Brady walking out to Jay-Z’s “Public Service Announcement” is great, but let’s not act like the Patriots shouldn’t all be introduced with Mobb Deep’s “Shook Ones Pt. II.” As far as individual players, and the use of Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt” for Andrew Luck notwithstanding, play Kanye West’s “Flashing Lights” for Deshaun Watson already. The bigger the stage, the better this dude performs. His entrance music should at least reflect that. –Schuster

That’ll do it for this week. Got a topic for us to kick around? Hit us up at [email protected] and get your question answered by the crew. Enjoy the games! ____ Jay Busbee is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Got a tip, comment, or question for a future NFL mailbag? Contact him at [email protected] or find him on Twitter or on Facebook.

More from Yahoo Sports: • Why Game 7 of the World Series is the best event in sports • Foolish mistake costs Browns a quarterback • Georgia (not Alabama) No. 1 in playoff rankings • Dodgers pitcher makes Astros star pay for racist gesture

#_author:Jay Busbee #_uuid:2010cddc-8ee5-3e2e-8362-480019527199 #_lmsid:a077000000CFoGyAAL #_revsp:99add987-dcd1-48ae-b801-e4aa58e4ebd0

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