#worst fictional father showdown
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Welcome to the Worst Fictional Father Showdown!
Here we’ll decide who the worst of the worst really is! There will be 64 contestants going head to head in a bracket style showdown, each decided by you, the blogger!
Rules:
1. The character does not have to be a biological parent to qualify. If they take the role of guardian and are terrible doing it, they count.
2. Characters submitted must be fictional!! Please do not submit real people.
3. You can submit as many people as you want, but please only do one character per submission.
4. Propaganda is not only allowed, but encouraged (as long as it is good natured, of course).
5. Please be civil! This is meant to be fairly lighthearted.
Submit your favorite terrible dad here! Submissions end on November 16TH, 12pm EST
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Hi yeah I'm blatantly stealing this idea from @worst-fictional-father-showdown because I realized I've never seen a best dads tournament so here we are! Submissions will close on the 20th at 5pm est, size of the bracket will depend on how many submissions we get
Only rules are no real people and have fun
@tournament-announcer
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We all know horrible fictional fathers - Darth Vader, Firelord Ozai, Gendo Ikari, Gabriel Agreste, every beloved main character post timeskip..
But what about the moms?
Sure, bad mothers are rarer, but they are out there, AND THEY NEED TO BE REPRESENTED
And I'm here to do it
Rules under the cut
• Please, do not submit real people
• Please, do not spam the form
• Neither of the characters used as my pfp or background are included automatically
If you want them in the tournament, please submit them
• The character has to be bad as a mother, not necessarily as a person
• The character can be a bad mother figure without being a biological mother, though such characters will take a lower priority on the poll
• This tournament will discuss abuse, so please be mindful of that
I will put a trigger warning for discussion of abuse under every poll, just in case
• The form will be open until November 15th
• Have fun
Some other tournaments that have inspired this one:
@worst-fictional-cook-showdown @worstsexymantournament @worstvideogamesong-poll @every-character-ever-poll @overworkedblorbobattle @autistic-coded-tournament @cut-content-contest @controversial-blorbo-bracket @retirement-home-rumble @gentle-giant-swag
#worst fictional mother throwdown#worst mother throwdown#tumblr bracket#tumblr tournament#tumblr tourney
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The Worst Trope Ever Showdown: Round 1, Side B
Always Chaotic Evil
A whole race/culture within the setting who are just evil for the sake of being evil.
Propaganda:
Racist as fuck!
From a narrative standpoint, it does limit storytelling and opportunities for character development. On another level, it’s riddled with dodgy implications when played straight (ie certain cultures/races/ethnicities are purely and inherently evil with maybe one or two exceptions and anything the “good races” do to them is justified or just doesn’t matter). Given how frequently speculative fiction (you know, Sci Fi, Fantasy and Horror) is used to mirror or comment on the real world, this gets a lot uglier and more horrifying for too many reasons to go into here. Look, when Dungeons and Dragons are moving away from this sort of thing and even JRR Tolkien (the father of modern fantasy) thought that trope was distasteful and regretted not showing more sympathetic aspects/members of the orcs in the text, it’s safe to say that this is a bad trope.
making an entire fantasy race all pure evil w zero nuance is just...hmmm
Plot Twist
A sudden, unexpected development in the plot.
Propaganda:
obviously can be well done but…. game of thrones
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WELCOME TUMBLR TO THE ALPHABET BRACKET
In which I am doing a bracket competition to determine what the ultimate letter is because everyone else was holding bracket competitions and I want to too
Inspired by blogs like @adorable-ones-tournament @catgirlgames @bestfictionaldivorce @best-green-character @redandbluebracket @riordanversecharactertournament @fictional-father-figure-comp @battleofthepurplebitches @mermaidbracket @purplegreenbracket @the-ghost-games @clash-of-the-wizards @nichesexymanbloodbath @tentacletournament @internetsongshowdown @the-coolest-demon-bracket @the-nobody-tournament @worst-fictional-cook-showdown @topdisease @foundfamilyarena and so many more!!
This is a bracket with 32 competitions, including all 26 letters of the alphabet plus 3, $, @, *, ;, and ~ because I wanted to get to an even 32, and also I think it would be really funny if something that wasn't even a letter won the letter competition, below are the lineups of the polls and will be updated as winners move on! First and last round of polls will last a week and all other polls will last a day, this is for fun and any extreme hate in the comments/tags will not be tolerated but yeah! I will accept propaganda I am tagged in or is submitted to the blog via submitted posts or asks, but other than that, have fun!
Round 1:
Y vs $
O vs S
3 vs C
R vs E
@ vs ~
V vs U
A vs J
* vs M
K vs Q
W vs T
F vs X
N vs I
G vs B
P vs D
Z vs ;
L vs H
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WELCOME TUMBLR TO NUMBER FIGHT
In which we pick our favorite 32 numbers and see which one reigns supreme!! Run by the mod of @alphabetbracket we're back with another competition!
Inspired by blogs like @adorable-ones-tournament @catgirlgames @bestfictionaldivorce @best-green-character @redandbluebracket @riordanversecharactertournament @fictional-father-figure-comp @battleofthepurplebitches @mermaidbracket @purplegreenbracket @the-ghost-games @clash-of-the-wizards @nichesexymanbloodbath @tentacletournament @internetsongshowdown @the-coolest-demon-bracket @the-nobody-tournament @worst-fictional-cook-showdown @topdisease @foundfamilyarena and so many more!!
Submissions will be open for an indeterminate amount of time depending on how fast I get submissions, so act fast!
And as always please remember this is a silly goofy competition so don't take it too seriously, threats of violence over a Tumblr bracket will not be tolerated, so if you think your comment could be interpreted in such a way, please make sure to put a /j or /lh at the end of your comment!!
Edit: I realize now that 69 and 420 are too powerful numbers that would obliterate the competition, so therefore instead of being part of the main bracket (because I'm going to take a wild guess and say that they'd win every time) I'm going to say now that when we reach the finals of the 32 standard five rounds single elimination tournament (aka round 5) I will simultaneously hold a poll that is 420 vs 69 and then the winner of the main bracket and will go on to fight the winner of the 420 vs 69 poll if that makes any sense, so no need to submit those numbers! (Unless you have a really funny story to go with your submission)
Submission form is linked below so go nuts!
#bracket#not a poll#submission form#number fight#number bracket#tumblr bracket#bracket competition#competition
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What's the best food, statistically speaking? Let's find out!
Eating is arguably the best part of being alive [citation needed]. Not only do you get to do it multiple times a day, but you never get tired of it.
But which food is the very best?
This question has plagued mankind since the beginning of time. And while it may be impossible to find a definitive answer, we can come to a more basic conclusion by putting some favorite foods in a bracket and making people vote on the one they like the most, because conflict is always the answer!
Let's find out what Tumblr's favorite food is!
Submit your favorite food here!
You can make multiple submissions, but please only send one submission per food. Spam will not be tolerated.
Tags for exposure:
@robot-swag-competition, @pinkandbluebracket, @mfshipbracket, @single-father-swag-competition, @tournament-winners-tournament, @angelicswagsummit, @latine-showdown, @miss-latam-sexy-tournament, @worst-fictional-cook-showdown, @ultimateknightbattle, @betrayalbracket, @time-traveler-tourney.
#tumblr polls#tumblr bracket#tournament#tumblr tournament#tumblr tourney#bracket#food#favorite food#mod cam#best food tournament#bft
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Lulu Moore has revealed the gorgeous cover for Oar Than Friends!
Releasing: March 14, 2024
She's rowing for Cambridge. He's rowing for Oxford. A boat race to go down in history.
Arthur Osbourne-Cloud has always had his future mapped out for him - graduate Oxford and follow his dreadful father into politics. Except Arthur wants to do anything but that. He's more than happy filling his days rowing for golds at the Olympics or World Championships, and this year he has The Boat Race to win.
Kate Astley also has her future mapped out - the next six years at least. Fly half-way across the world, and win a scholarship at Cambridge University to study medicine. Oh, and become a crew member for the legendary Boat Race. Seems simple enough. But then she meets Arthur.
For Arthur, this feisty American challenges everything he's been taught to believe, while Kate battles between what she wants to do, and what she's expected to do. The bitter rivalry between their schools is destined to destroy them, but it's only a matter of time before they give in to the sizzling chemistry bubbling between them.
Then the reality of their future comes knocking. In The Boat Race, there can only be one winner. Who will sink and who will swim?
Pre-order your copy today!
https://bit.ly/47BQRDS
US Pre-order Coming Soon!
Add to Goodreads: https://bit.ly/3RafvX7
Meet Lulu
Lulu started writing by accident, and somehow found herself stuck in a fictional world of ice hockey, baseball and billionaires. A world she has no plans to leave. She's the creator of The New York Players Series, The Tuesday Club Series, and The New York Lions - the worst team in the M.L.B.
More recently she's ventured across the Atlantic to where her latest novel is set - the beautiful cities of Oxford and Cambridge, and the annual rowing showdown on the River Thames.
She's a big fan of strong heroines, because those fierce alphas need someone to keep them in check. You'll find hear navigating her way through Romance Land one HEA at a time, and trying to figure out the latest social media platform she needs to post to.
Connect with Lulu
Website: https://lulumoorebooks.com
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/21005275.Lulu_Moore/
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Lulu-Moore/author/B08WPY8YSW/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lulu.moore.5661
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/560932142401799
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulumoorebooks/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulumoorebooks
Bookbub: https://www.bookbub.com/profile/lulu-moore
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/lulumoorebooks/
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Fazbear Frights #1: Into The Pit - Review
Where do I begin with this one?
It’s basically an anthology of 3 medium-sized stories; each one from a unique perspective of the FNaF universe. They put human characters and robots whom we know into a new scenario, new plotlines, and new ways to look at them. I loved it. I loved reading them, even though the first one seemed slow at times. I liked the twists and as a fan of science-fiction, they were awesome. Surreal, weird and disturbing. And when I mean disturbing, I mean bone-chillingly disturbing that I wonder how the book was OK for the 12 and up range. This is meant to be a YA novel at least. The last 2 end in a way to play with your heartstrings, and sweet lord they stung for me.
Now, just like the title says, I will dive into the pit of spoilers. Reader beware, if you have any plan to read the books, stop now. Go read them, I promise they are worth the cost (Kindle or otherwise) and a fun read for anyone who likes the Freddy’s games. Come back and continue reading when you’re done. I’ll wait. For the rest of you, let’s dive in.
1. Into The Pit
This is the most ludicrous of the bunch. The whole concept was weird to me. I’m not saying it wasn’t scary, if anything it has its fair share of creepiness, I’m just saying this story was all over the place. We start with Oswald, the kid and we set him up. He likes manga, Japanese flicks and likes drawing animatronics. Fun stuff. Then he discovers a ball pit which enables him to time-travel to Freddy’s circa 1985? Look, Scott is a pro at grabbing you by the balls and whisking you into realms of huge disbelief, but this feels like it’s moving into fantasy and the realm of Stranger Things. It doesn’t feel in the realm of possibility, even with the rules this series has set up.
It did set up a nice tale which we have heard before - the murder of 6 children by a guy in a golden Bonnie suit (see cover), but where it goes weird is when Oswald’s father gets replaced by golden Bonnie and everything goes as per normal. This is so out of left field and confusing. Does the book explain why? No, as it leads into a climatic showdown to defeat the bunny and save his dad. And when the dead wakes, end story and happily ever after.
It’s anti-climatic, leaves a lot of questions and is ironically the most fun to read. Mainly because you are in disbelief and confused 60% of the time.
2. To Be Beautiful
This is my favourite story of the 3, because it touches on a real issue with a lot of kids the age of the character: body insecurity, in a darker story.
Sarah struggles with wanting to look pretty, looking at the popular girls of her school and her handsome crush. She has a best friend who doesn’t care about her body and is cool with the way she is, providing a yin-yang for Sarah and her struggles. I’m not dismissing the feelings of people who struggle with this - I used to struggle too - but she goes borderline into an eating disorder. Focussing on caloric intakes, avoiding things she can do as a kid, breaking down when her crush turns up his nose at her, you feel for the kid. Enter the tie-in to the Freddy’s franchise with this junkyard robot girl, whom we know based on the descriptions as Circus Baby. Sarah rescues and reactivates the robot, who grants her the wish of wanting to be beautiful on the condition that she wear a necklace. One can assume they are sound illusion discs for the twist later stated here.
With the help of the robot, she becomes beautiful; attracting the attention of some shallow SOBs and the equally shallow boy she likes, to the disapproval of her friend. Cliche, I know, but unlike other depictions of this storyline, she does not get a redemption arc. She does not get a happy ending, as the story ends with the revelation that her body has been replaced into a robotic husk and the doll can now pose as Sarah as the real girl is left to rust and fall apart.
Why do I like this one? It tells a similar story as a lot of these kinds of concepts, but in a more bleak way by stripping away her happy ending and redemption moment. She doesn’t get to reconcile, she doesn’t get to be with the boy, she just falls apart as a scrap heap because it was her doing.
This was her downfall. This was her mistake. She deserved this, and frankly we feel bad but we also know this was coming and that she shouldn’t have wished like this.
It delves into actual psychological horror as the reveal that the Baby doll has been sawing off her body parts piece by piece and storing them somewhere to wear like a skinsuit. It’s also the most grounded and down-to-earth story with a sympathetic and likable cast of human characters.
3. Count the Ways
This is a good story as well. A goth girl who hates people finds some guy she likes, but gets heartbroken because surprise, he’s got a girlfriend and she got in the fabled friendzone. Add that with other issues and now she’s emo, she’s sad, so she finds a Funtime Freddy in her grandpa’s garage and wants to hide in it. But oh no, the bear wakes up and asks her to choose the way in which she dies. She chooses beheading, thinking there might be an escape if she dodges the blade, and it’s unclear if she actually does survive. The ending however is hinting at her death, as her grandpa is shown to still love her, despite the back-talking bitchiness.
Let me be real - this is the worst of the bunch. I don’t hate this story, it’s just cliche. The character is a brat, the story is fine but not as good as the first 2 and it offers little tidbits of new and interesting information and twists.
Conclusion
In order of which stories are good (worse to best) it’s Count the Ways << Into The Pit << To Be Beautiful. It’s a good entrance into the format and style of the Frights series. Scott and Elley, you two did a wonderful job writing into an established world and keeping it fresh and intriguing.
I would rate Into The Pit a solid 3.5 stars, and I can’t wait for Fetch, coming this March.
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Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
I’ve finally seen Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker, which I did not see in theaters for a variety of reasons. One of which was simply that life got in the way. My thoughts are below the spoiler bar.
I was pretty happy when Disney acquired Lucasfilm and announced that there would be new Star Wars movies, as Star Wars has been my favorite film franchise since I was a kid. If I could be anything in the fictional universes that exist, it would be a Jedi Knight. That hasn’t changed since I was 9 years old.
The Force Awakens:
I don’t have much to say about TFA; it was a fun, nostalgic return to the galaxy that we all know and love. I loved the new characters, especially BB-8, who I think gets short-shrift in the latter two movies, and loved seeing Harrison Ford back as Han Solo and his interactions with Rey and Finn.
The Last Jedi:
The first time I saw this one I thought it might be the worst Star Wars movie, which would be saying something given Return of the Jedi and The Phantom Menace, but as I saw it more times it became one of my favorites behind only The Empire Strikes Back and A New Hope.
I initially agreed with Mark Hamill in disagreeing with Luke’s arc in this movie, but I now feel like Rian Johnson was completely correct that this was, if not the only, certainly the best explanation for why Luke is in hiding on Ahch-To. Furthermore, I think it’s the most interesting, and, despite what anyone will say, fully in line with Luke’s character. Even in Return of the Jedi he lets his emotion get the best of him at times, so why should we assume that between the two movies anything has fundamentally changed? He failed his family, in his mind, and so he went into hiding because he couldn’t handle the shame or face Leia or Han. People for some reason wanted Luke to suddenly turn into a perfect Jedi Knight like Obi-Wan Kenobi or Yoda, which would not have matched any of the character development that came in the original trilogy. Remember when he quit training with Yoda in Empire to save his friends? Remember when he refused to kill Darth Vader despite Obi-Wan and Yoda telling him that his father was dead and killing Vader was the only way? He was never the perfect Jedi, much like his father, but, unlike his father, he refused to turn to the dark side regardless.
The relationship, however you choose to interpret that word in this case, between Rey and Kylo Ren/Ben in this movie is amazingly well done, I think. You’re never quite sure which one will swap sides, if either, and just when you think Ben has come to his senses, he retrenches into the dark side as Kylo Ren and forces Rey to abandon him. Superbly well written and acted.
The relationship, really only one way to interpret that word in this case, that develops between Rose and Finn is well done as well, though the casino scene is my least favorite part of the movie. But the actors do well, and the rest of their scenes are great. Especially with Benicio del Toro.
And what an amazing ending, when Luke Force-projects himself to Crait and has that final moment with Leia, made all the more impactful given Carrie Fisher’s untimely passing. Beautiful moment between two characters and two actors with so much history, and I think Johnson did an amazing job with it on his end. Then Luke’s showdown with newly self-appointed Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is one of the best fights in the entire series, which is saying a whole lot, but not necessarily because of the quality of the lightsaber duel itself, which is certainly excellent. Adam Driver’s wonderfully unhinged performance going up against Mark Hamill’s delightfully dismissive and just on the right side of humorous performance is perfect for where we’re at and where the characters are at at this point in the film.
I think Rian Johnson gets a lot of heat for trying to make something different in a Star Wars movie, which he definitely did, but I think it was just what Star Wars needed. The Force Awakens was essentially Star Wars at its essence, and that’s great because Star Wars is and was amazing, but The Last Jedi decided to do new things and there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, it just makes Star Wars better because it’s now got more depth. I think Rian Johnson is a hero for that.
The Rise of Skywalker:
I admit that I had problems with this movie before I really had any idea what it was about simply because of how Disney, J. J. Abrams, some of the crew, and even some of the cast promoted this movie as being almost the anti-Last Jedi and disparaging the previous movie. Sometimes subtly and sometimes not so much. This just put a bad taste in my mouth, especially given how much I love The Last Jedi. This was another reason I didn’t see it in theaters.
This was much more in line with The Force Awakens as being quintessential Star Wars, or at least it was meant to be, but in this case it was much less fun, in my opinion.
Our core group, Rey, Finn, Chewbacca, and Poe Dameron, are back together throughout most of the film, and Lando is back as well, which is very nice to see. But it’s not nearly as interesting this go-around as Poe has suddenly become somewhat insufferable and Finn is more or less just there. Rey carries the group but suffers from having no one interesting to play off of with Kylo Ren as an immediate foil. Fortunately they do reunite and the two actors pick up where they left off, though their relationship suffers without Johnson there to guide it, in my opinion. Rose is cast aside as if she’s nothing more than a piece of trash in this movie in probably one of the more disgusting choices any filmmaker or studio has made catering to the stupidest portion of the Star Wars fanbase who disliked the character for no particular reason.
The saddest part of this movie is Carrie Fisher’s role as Leia, which is simply pieced together from extra footage shot during the filming of The Force Awakens. Unfortunately this is clearly evident and Leia really becomes a token character that, if I’m being brutally honest, should have been left out of this movie. This is not Carrie Fisher’s fault, obviously, and I don’t even blame the filmmakers, as it could have been perceived as an insult to her legacy to leave her out, but it was probably the right call for the story in light of her death.
The worst part of this movie, in my opinion, is the resurrection of Emperor Palpatine, because it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever for this trilogy and is, unfortunately, central to the plot. The only reason I can think of to bring Palpatine back is because Abrams wanted to undo what Johnson did in The Last Jedi by making Rey’s parents “no one,” and make her the granddaughter of Palpatine. But there’s no reason that you needed to bring Palpatine himself back to bring weight to this revelation, and, in fact, I think it did harm to Rey’s character and Kylo Ren’s character by taking the focus off of them. They could have used that to much greater effect if Palpatine himself wasn’t there overshadowing them. Regardless, Palpatine appearing in this film made absolutely zero sense, and really took this trilogy into a completely different, and less interesting, direction. I feel like Abrams did a great job introducing all these new characters, and then Johnson gave them real purpose and conflict, and then Abrams came back and stole the rug out from under them for no reason other than to do it.
I don’t know if this is the worst Star Wars movie, but it’s in that conversation and that’s extremely disappointing. It’s certainly the one that bothers me the most. There was so much potential for the ending of the saga and it feels like it was completely thrown away for no reason, or, worse, to spite Rian Johnson, which would be gross.
#star wars#the force awakens#the last jedi#the rise of skywalker#rian johnson#j. j. abrams#the skywalker saga
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A Very Serious Pokemon Theory
A while ago I wrote a 2,406 word essay about Pokémon Live! that I thought no one would read. And then, apparently, a few people actually did read it. I found this incredibly flattering - and have also taken it as a challenge to write something even more niche and completely unnecessary.
I will therefore be attempting to convince you of my theory that Pokemon Live! (the Pokemon live-action stage musical) and the Pokemon Christmas Bash music album actually take place in the same universe - one that is more similar to our own than any other in the franchise. My explanation will include reference to the American military, Jesus, politics, infinite multiverses, and the Broadway musical The Book of Mormon. I feel that I should warn for very frequent reference to homophobia, as well as a brief reference to something that could be seen as anti-Semitic. Also, someone will get a Tony Award at the end.
If any of that intrigues, please read on.
The Works In Question
I’m going to briefly explain what Pokemon Live! and Pokemon Christmas Bash are - the initiated can feel free to skip down to the next section if they want.
Pokemon Live! was a live action Pokemon musical that toured in the US from September 2000 to January 2001. It is best known among Pokemon fans for including a subplot that revealed that Ash’s mother and Giovanni dated, possibly implying that Giovanni is Ash’s father - leading to an incredible showdown between Ash and Giovanni where Giovanni, no joke, taunts Ash (a child) by implying that he slept with Ash’s mother, and then follows that up by telling him that nice guys finish last.
Outside of Pokemon fandom, it is mostly known because the character of James was played by a young Andrew Rannells. Rannells would go on to be a very successful Broadway and television actor. One of the things he’s best known for is originating the role of Elder Price in the musical The Book of Mormon. He has, as of writing, been personally nominated for two Tonys, but won neither. This will be relevant later.
Pokemon Live! can be watched for free on YouTube, albeit in very poor quality. It follows Ash trying to win a ‘Diamond Badge’, which is actually a ruse by Giovanni to train his (~mechanical marrrrrvel~) Mecha Mewtwo. It’s a really fun, bizarre ride, because there’s something weirdly earnest about it - like the creators were genuinely, sincerely trying to make a good musical. They did not succeed. It’s a dumpster fire. But a glorious one.
Pokemon Christmas Bash is an album released at Christmas 2001. It features 10 Pokemon themed Christmas songs, some of which are covers of existing songs, and others which are entirely original. The singers are all members of the 4Kids anime cast. Most of the songs are hilarious, and it’s obvious that everyone was having fun with the whole thing (contrasting Pokemon Live!, which was apparently absolute hell to work on).
Fun fact, at least one of the songs was written by Eric Stuart, James’s original English voice actor (unless you want to get anal about it, in which case I’m talking about James’s second voice actor, following Ted Lewis, who did all of seven episodes versus Stuart’s hundreds). All in all, there’s not a lot else to say about it (for now). It can all be listened to online, but a physical copy will set you back a hundred dollars or so.
Both Pokemon Live! and Pokemon Christmas Bash are American-made entries into the franchise, and are therefore considered non-canon by most fans. I find this attitude very boring, especially since the Generation 6 games established Pokemon to exist in an infinite multiverse rather than just one fictional universe with one canon. There’s no reason these two can’t exist in their own bizarro canon universe, far away from the rest of the franchise - and I am now going to begin presenting my theory.
The Weirdest Line In Pokemon Live!
Pokemon Live! is filled with strange moments. Mewtwo Ex Machina. Team Rocket on scooters. Brock stopping the entire plot to sing and dance about his polyamorous inclinations towards much older women.
But the strangest (to me) is when James references Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. By name. Seriously, here’s the quote:
Well yeah, but where does [Mecha Mewtwo] stand on campaign finance reform, social security, and Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, for the unfamiliar, was America’s policy regarding gay and bisexual individuals serving in the military, instituted in 1994, and repealed in 2011. The policy basically meant that if you wanted to serve, you had to stay in the closet - but also no one could harass or try to out you. In other words - ‘it’s okay that you’re having gay thoughts, so long as you never act upon them’. (Was that an inappropriate time to make a reference? Can’t be more inappropriate than referencing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell in a Pokemon musical, surely...)
I talked about the meta-level homophobic implications of this line last time, but here, we’re looking at this from an in-universe perspective. It raises important questions.
This must mean Pokemon Live! takes place in Pokemon America, as opposed to the Pokemon Very-Loosely-Japan that we see in the anime and games. So if there is a Pokemon American military, what other American staples are there Pokemon versions of?
So why is there homophobia in this version of the Pokemon universe? No other Pokemon universe has homophobia (sidenote, is it not a little bit darkly funny that the most homophobic piece of Pokemon media is the musical?). In fact, most other Pokemon universes are kind of progressive, if anything - very equal opportunity regardless of race, gender, nation regionality.
Pokemon Christmas Bash has us covered.
Nobody Don’t Like Christmas
Everything we need to know comes from the fourth song on this album - ‘Nobody Don’t Like Christmas’.
This song is sung entirely by Meowth, and well. Look. Maddie Blaustein was a very talented voice actress. Perhaps she was also a good singer when not doing the Meowth voice, I don’t know.
But Meowth should not sing. Singing and Meowth do not go together. No one should have heard that voice and thought ‘let’s give that character a song’. It happened in the anime as well, and it’s the worst part of an otherwise great episode.
If you can look past the grating vocals, though, this song is incredible. The whole thing is a three minute diss track for every non-Christmas holiday, going everywhere from shaming the dateless on Valentine’s Day, to pointing out that Thanksgiving isn’t all that fun for the turkeys, to just straight up declaring St. Patrick’s Day to be dull.
But there are three important lines here to consider.
The first is my personal favourite line in the whole song.
The Fourth of July / Can be a real drag / If you can’t get no one to salute your flag
Firstly, I love that Meowth is offering the warning that patriotism can only go so far and that eventually citizens’ blind loyalty to country will evaporate if given sufficient reason, leaving celebration of said country hollow and meaningless. A bold choice for Christmas 2001. Not to mention a necessary message for today.
More importantly though, this suggests that these songs might be being sung by specifically American versions of the main cast. The Fourth of July is a holiday only an American would reference in a song like this, as no other country celebrates it - it definitely wouldn’t come up if they were, say, British, for example (in that case, would probably mention Guy Fawkes Night instead). Even more unlikely if they’re Japanese.
However - it’s worth remembering that Meowth is actually canonically American (he is from Hollywood), meaning it isn’t unreasonable for him to make this reference. This is where line number two comes into play.
Memorial Day is a day to forget!
That’s right, everyone.
Meowth hates the troops.
It’s true. Why else would he dismiss this holiday?
But why does Meowth hate the troops?
We return to Pokemon Live! for answers.
Pokemon and the American Military
Interestingly enough, these are not the only franchise entries that mention the American military. Gym Leader Lt. Surge was explicitly described to be an American soldier in the early games (also fun but not really relevant fact, his anime counterpart shares his English voice actress with Meowth - if him having a voice actress seems odd, the explanation is that Blaustein was a trans woman, and so mostly played male roles as they suited her voice better).
Real world locations have been gradually phased out as the franchise has continued, and later games implied that he is now from Unova, the region based on America.
Meowth never seemed to have a problem with Surge in the anime, suggesting that in that version, he does not hate the troops. So what’s different in Christmas Bash?
There’s only one explanation.
Remember, Pokemon Live! establishes the existence of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Also remember - James and Meowth are good friends. And James is gay.
What? That’s always been ambiguous, you say?
Go watch Pokemon Live! and tell me that version of James isn’t gay. Watch one scene with him in it. Go watch it and then tell me that man is straight. Go and do it. You can’t. Pokemon Live! James is gay as Christmas.
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is a policy that discriminates against gay people. James may not be a soldier, but it still does reflect social attitudes towards discrimination, and so is something he would likely oppose on general principle. And as James’s friend, Meowth would likely do the same.
Meowth hates the troops because he is an ally.
And so we have our definitive connection. This also confirms that we are in America in both entries.
Probably Blasphemy
So what’s the third important line then?
Who wants to go through all that Yom Kippuren?
A reference to Yom Kippur. This is a Jewish holiday that I do not feel equipped to explain, due to my definitely not being Jewish, but I understand it to be extremely important in the Jewish faith.
Essentially saying that it’s too tedious in a song about how great Christmas is doesn’t seem like a great look, 4Kids, just saying. I doubt it was done maliciously but like... still.
However, this confirmation of the existence of Judaism confirms something much bigger - the existence of religion. Another American staple!
Up until now, this has been ambiguous. Sure, we’ve been referencing Christmas all this time, but there have been no references to Christ, so we could assume that Christmas is a secular holiday with a weird name. It’s already somewhat secular in the real world - my family couldn’t get less religious and we celebrate it. But if there is Judaism, it is totally reasonable to assume there is Christianity. And that opens a whole floodgate.
So firstly, this finally gives us an explanation for where Pokemon Don’t Ask Don’t Tell probably came from! After all, which religion is most associated with homophobia in real-world America? (No hate towards non-homophobic Christians, just for the record, but like... this is a problem, to put it mildly). So this further solidifies the connection, putting them in the same universe.
Plus, the song ends with Meowth stating that he actually hates Christmas! So Meowth is again being an ally - he’s just, like, the kind that takes it really, really far and maybe needs to chill just a little?
Secondly, this makes a certain line from another song on Pokemon Christmas Bash even funnier, where Brock replaces the beginning of the hymn Joy To The World with:
Nurse Joy is a girl / She sure is fun / But I like Jenny too!
Because this means that covering that song with those lyrics isn’t just kind of inappropriate out-of-universe, it’s also inappropriate in-universe!
But what’s really messing with me is the hundreds of new questions Pokemon Christianity raises. How do they reconcile Arceus with God? Is God in this universe a metal goat, or do they coexist? Was there Pokemon Jesus? I’m not sure I’m okay with Pokemon Jesus. If there is Pokemon Jesus, did Pokemon help with the crucifixion (the Timburr line seem like they’d have been helpful)? Or was Jesus like, a baby Arceus, and therefore probably quite difficult to crucify? Is there Pokemon Heaven? Is there Pokemon Hell? How do the Pokemon Christians feel about Mr. Mime, who is clearly an insult to God? What is a Pokemon church service like? Are there different sects of Pokemon Christianity? Were there Pokemon religious wars? Are there Pokemon Catholics? Pokemon Protestants? Pokemormons???
I don’t like this.
And here’s another question.
Remember how I mentioned how Andrew Rannells played James? And how he also originated Elder Price in Book of Mormon?
Well. Here’s the thing.
Pokemormons are a very real possibility. If there is Christianity, and also America, then it wouldn’t be unlikely for them to exist in this universe.
However, we have determined that this is one universe, and therefore, James and Andrew Rannells cannot coexist. Only James exists in this universe.
So who first played Elder Price in The Book of Pokemormon?
Okay, So, Full Disclosure, This Is Basically Just My Fanfiction Now, But the Sunk Cost Fallacy Says You’ll Probably Stick Around Since You’ve Already Read Over 2,000 Words Of This Nonsense By This Point, and I’m Going to Take Advantage of That
I think it was James.
I think James went on to start a Broadway career. I think he was in an unlicensed Karate Kid musical, and was Tall in Jersey Boys, and then wound up as Elder Price. I think he did a great job. I think he got nominated for a Tony when award season came round, along with lots of other people involved with The Book of Pokemormon.
But he didn’t win it. Norbert Leo Butz won it for Catch Me If You Can (I had to look that up, was planning on changing it to a Pokemon-joke title - but what do you know, it already has one. Serendipity!).
James no longer has a Broadway career. But he does have a Tony.
He stole it.
Because here’s the thing - Team Rocket are actually pretty good at crime when Ash and Co. aren’t around. Remember that one time they stole an entire stadium?
They could have literally stolen the whole show, but instead they just stole one thing - that Tony Award. And so James now has an award for Best Actor in a Musical, as well as the unofficial award for Most Extra Thing Ever Done At The Tonys.
James disappears, but his legacy remains. In this universe, all Elder Prices have lavender hair - fans reject any Price who tries to avoid this.
Meanwhile, Jessie, James and Meowth sail off into the sunset in their balloon. James is happy. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell will be repealed soon. He will have a chat with Meowth about overzealous allyship, though he appreciates it all the same. He smiles at his friend Jessie and takes her hand. Christmas is a long way off, but he can’t help but be excited all of a sudden. He’ll spend it with his family - Jessie, Meowth, and now, his stolen Tony Award.
In the meantime, they’ll do what they love best.
Be gay and do crime.
What Have We Learnt?
This is the most homophobic Pokemon universe we know of
It’s also a universe where everything is set in America
Meowth is surprisingly politically aware
Meowth hates the troops
There was a Pokemon Jesus
4Kids maybe should have hired some sensitivity readers
James from Pokemon possesses more Tony Awards than Andrew Rannells
I have way too much free time
Anyway, this was 2,698 words long and a terrible use of literally everyone’s time. It is rambly and extremely self-indulgent and goes off on countless tangents and you could probably poke like ten holes in it without trying. Please don’t take any of this seriously. It’s now 4 AM. Thank you and goodnight.
#pokemon#pokemon live#pokemon christmas bash#james pokemon#meowth#meowth pokemon#pokemon theory#pokemon anime#bom#andrew rannells#long post#long essays about niche topics#please don't hate me
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Binge-Watching: Symphogear GX, Episodes 7-10
In which a fantastic concept has a so-so execution, Hibiki hurts me all over again, and the enemy’s plan takes shape.
Four on Four
You know, it comes to my attention that I’ve been approaching every season of Symphogear in pretty much the same way. The way I break each set of 13 episodes down in my watch always goes 1-3, 4-6, 7-10, and 11-13. That may be a coincidence, but what it ends up revealing is that though they differ in the particulars, Symphogear’s seasons all follow the same general pattern. The first three episodes are a burst of excitement and action that hooks you in right away. The second three episodes are a cooldown period that get you more acquainted with the direction this particular season is going and what character dynamics are going to be taking the spotlight. 7-10 always end up revealing some substantial flaw with the proceedings en route to a rousing penultimate clash. And the final three episodes send the season out on a high note of jaw-dropping spectacle that leaves you thinking, “well, there’s no way they could possibly top that next season”, only to invariably be proven wrong. Considering how closely GX has been following this pattern so far, I can only hold my breath for the inevitable mind-blowing chaos that’s to come.
But for now, we’re in the four-episode critical zone. Though this time around, the flaw that’s popped up is less a major structural issue than a concept that could have been executed with a bit more finesse. And in all honesty, the concept itself is one of the smartest storytelling conceits Symphogear’s attempted up to this point. These four episodes are essentially a series of one-on-one death matches between the four elemental homonculi and our five secondary protagonists (Kirika and Shirabe sharing their spotlight, as only suits them), in which each hero faces off against their opponent, loses, faces them in a re-match and reaches their lowest point, only to rise up by overcoming the emotional conflict they’ve been struggling with this season, activating their Ignite mode and finally putting their foe down. Meanwhile, central protagonist Hibiki’s own emotional struggle forms a throughline to keep the story chugging forward in the background, all while the plot builds to the slow reveal of the villains’ true intentions that take shape once Carol’s four pawns are finally destroyed for good. As a framework, it’s honestly kind of ingenious, balancing action and character, giving everyone a chance to shine, and providing a space for four distinct emotional resolutions while still maintaining the tension of a developing story and clearing the field for the inevitable final showdown. I’m honestly kind of jealous at how well thought out this arc was; it puts all my meager attempts at fiction writing to shame, I can tell you that much.
The problem, though, comes through in the execution of those individual character standoffs themselves. Outside of Shirabe and Kirika’s triumph against the fiery Micha, a powerful capstone on the idea of taking responsibility for yourself as part of doing right by the people who care about you that ties back to the Hibiki-centric subplot of that episode and their own mutual desire to protect each other, none of the other girls have had enough buildup to justify the emotional roadblocks they’re supposed to be facing. We’ve barely had a single mention of Tsubasa’s estranged father or Chris’s burgeoning respect for her “underclassmen” in the lead-up to this faux tournament, and as a result, the actual episodes focusing on those feelings have to shove in too much too fast. There’s not enough build-up to justify the swiftness of their all-is-lost moments, now enough time to let the emotions settle without blaring them through an expository foghorn. And Maria’s story is by far the worst of the bunch, trying to rely on an undeveloped Elfnein for emotional context and coming up feeling as overplayed and unjustified as the worse moments of Symphogear’s first season (Seriously, what is it about beach episodes that bring out the worst in whatever anime they show up in?) They’re not utter disasters; the action is still fucking phenominal, and the voice actors are doing their damndest to cover where the script falls short. But it’s definitely a shame that such a fantastic storytelling conceit ended up suffering from such a compromised execution.
Bad Dads
It’s a good thing, then, that Hibiki’s emotional journey playing out over the course of these battles is perhaps even more powerful and gripping than her struggles have ever been. True, we’ve only really heard mention of her father once before this season just like all the rest, but with two previous seasons contextualizing the reveal of his place in her life and more than one episode to process the emotions his return brings to the surface, Symphogear is able to give this subplot the time it needs to sink its claws into you. And fuck me sideways if this isn’t some of the most painful trauma we’ve ever seen Hibiki put through. Just that first scene she and her father share in the diner tells you all you need to know about what kind of man he is. He’s negligent, he’s selfish, he’s petty and cruel without even realizing and completely oblivious to the pain he’s put his family through. He feels entitled to just walk right back into her life without accounting for the damage he’s caused (which serves as a foil to Shirabe and Kirika’s emotional reckoning that same episode, as I mentioned earlier). Watching him blunder through Hibiki’s emotional minefield without a care in the world, barely even noticing the explosions he’s setting off with every thoughtless word, is legitimately the most uncomfortable and nerve-wracking this show has ever been. I felt myself wanting to sink into my skin and vanish, to escape from the awful, banal callousness of it all. And knowing the struggles Hibiki’s already gone through, knowing that his absence contributed to them, I don’t blame her for cutting his rotten ass out of her life at all.
But it’s never that easy to leave the people who hurt us behind. They leave scars that need to be addressed, and unfortunately, as heroic and caring as Hibiki is, she is abysmal at coming to terms with her own emotional distress. And the process of watching her brace against the hatred and frustration she feels towards her father, trying to shove it out of mind while it continues eating away at her, still unable to bear the terror of letting Miku share such a volatile part of her psyche, legitimately had me gasping for air at times. It hurts. It really hurts. And I want to lodge a formal complain against Aoi Yuuki, because her performance of Hibiki’s tender, shaky heartache ripped my own heart out of my chest. Who gave you the goddamn right, Madoka? Not even the soul-cleansing balm of literally every single moment Hibiki and Miku share the screen together was enough to wipe away the pain. Complicated fathers are something of a theme this season, between Hibiki, Tsubasa, and Carol’s own split personality regarding the mission her dad left her. She and Elfnein are basically two halves of the same whole, two vessels for Carol’s memories who came to two entirely different conclusions based on those memories. One of peace and protection, the other of destruction and hopelessness. Something tells me that however Hibiki ends up stopping this apocalypse is going to tie in to that theme of fatherhood, how her experiences with her own dad allow her song to reach Carol and pull her shattered psyche back together. And something tells me it’s going to hurt a lot more before it gets better. The walls are all coming down in the build-up to the final battle, and there’s no telling how volatile what they reveal will be.
Day of Reckoning
And speaking of revelations, Carol’s mysterious plan has finally been granted some semblance of clarity, and the result is a chilling indication of how completely the little alchemist has been playing us all this whole time. It turns out, she could see through Elfnein’s eyes, using her doppleganger as an unwitting mole to infiltrate Symphogear headquarters and put the pieces in place to assure her victory. The Ignite modules weren’t just a convenient upgrade from an enemy turncoat, Carol was counting on the wielders being granted that much power. Her apocalypse requires the code from their upgraded song melodies, which is why her homonculi were so lackadaisical about actually causing them harm; they didn’t want them dead until they forced them to go turbo and recorded the sci-fi gobbledigook from them necessary to kickstart the end of the world. Thus, every victory our heroes achieved over the course of these four episodes, every elemental marionette they carved into pieces, was also one step closer to the completion of whatever doomsday engine Carol has been building. And just like that, pretty much every mystery surrounding our seasonal foes has been solved just in time for the final piece to fit into place.
We’re in the endgame now, cresting the hill of uncertainty and into the dawn of the day of reckoning, as Hibiki herself states in her most extra moment yet. It’s that time of Symphogear where everything goes batshit insane in the coolest way possible. And with the delightfully unexpected return of Dr. Ver hijacking the spotlight with his Sugita-laiden gloriousness (also, holy shit, Shirabe and Kirika’s displeased faces upon seeing him again slew me), there’s no telling what lunacy we’re in for. Bring on the fireworks, Symphogear GX. I’m excited to see you bring the house down all over again.
Odds and Ends
-”Tsubasa loses with the weirdest scissors I’ve ever seen!” askjdasdaas
-”You’re almost like a mother, Maria.” Tsubasa, you need to work on your flirting skills.
-Maria’s new song style reminds me of the Akame ga Kill OPs. Don’t know what that says, but I like it.
-”This is what I get for doubting my fist!” istg Hibiki
-”Oh no! My choice led to bitter coffee!” Worst timeline.
-”Is it only the simple problems I can solve with my fists?” Eternal mood.
-”I just love you!” PREACH, SISTER!
-”Thank you. For everything. I mean it.” God the lighting and the framing THIS IS SO GAY GUYS
-”Arms up! Arms up!” Miku has now canonically seen Hibiki naked and that makes me remarkably happy.
-A conceptual weapon that attacks concepts? And I thought Alchemy in the FMA universe was tripping balls.
-”You mean, has my room always been messy?” TSUBASA STOP BEING SO GAY
-”You’ll never clip my wings!” She roars, soaring on a flaming pinwheel of doom. Holy shit, Tsubasa.
-”Something that’s already broken can’t be repaired.” Alright listen Hibiki here’s what you do you call up Miku ask her to come over and you two have the most mind-blowing sex imaginable to take your mind off things okay
-”Don’t bring your logic into this!” Chris. Honey.
-I still can’t get over the fact that Leiur fights with literal coins. What an extra motherfucker.
-GOD DAMMIT I FORGOT SHE COULD KAIJU HERSELF
One more session to go. See you next time for the big finish!
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The Worst Trope Ever Showdown: Round 2, Side B
Humanoid Female Animal
Mainly a thing in animation (tho comes up in CGI in otherwise live action movies or w/e). the male of an animal species will range from somewhat anthropomorphic to looking pretty much like a normal animal, but the female of (supposedly) the same species will be extremely anthropomorphised & sexualised. often includes long hair on the head, heavy makeup, and boobs where the animals they are supposed to represent usually have none of those, and the males usually don't have any either
Propaganda:
ugh. UGH. can a female not exist without being a sexy sex doll? can a female not be hairy and animalistic like the male counterparts? can a female not have ANY interesting design features/ any design at all except 'sexy'??? CAN A FEMALE ANIMAL LOOK LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL PLEASE. IF YOU'RE GRANTING THE MALES THAT GRACE WHY NOT EXTEND IT TO THE FEMALES JFC. IS THE ONLY PURPOSE OF A FEMALE CHARACTER OF ANY KIND TO BE SEXY TO THE AUDIENCE??? IS IT????? (also they just always look terrible like c'mon that thing is meant to be attractive somehow? to be visually pleasing to you somehow?? (sorry)
gotta slap a bow and eyelashes on to Girl character design bc god forbid we can't tell the boy and girl bunny/lion/deer apart!!!
Aside from the obvious sleazy aspect, it is also, in my opinion as a working character designer, deeply uninspired and often a symptom of a lack of real consideration going into the designs and/or world-building.
Always Chaotic Evil
A whole race/culture within the setting who are just evil for the sake of being evil.
Propaganda:
Racist as fuck!
From a narrative standpoint, it does limit storytelling and opportunities for character development. On another level, it’s riddled with dodgy implications when played straight (ie certain cultures/races/ethnicities are purely and inherently evil with maybe one or two exceptions and anything the “good races” do to them is justified or just doesn’t matter). Given how frequently speculative fiction (you know, Sci Fi, Fantasy and Horror) is used to mirror or comment on the real world, this gets a lot uglier and more horrifying for too many reasons to go into here. Look, when Dungeons and Dragons are moving away from this sort of thing and even JRR Tolkien (the father of modern fantasy) thought that trope was distasteful and regretted not showing more sympathetic aspects/members of the orcs in the text, it’s safe to say that this is a bad trope.
making an entire fantasy race all pure evil w zero nuance is just...hmmm
#the worst trope ever showdown#wtes polls#anti tropeaganda#humanoid female animal#always chaotic evil#tw racism
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Demolition Man (1993)
I am by no means an Action Movie guy. I have however time and time again found myself surprised by the genre when it has found its way into my viewing habits. The first Action Movie that really impressed me was Die Hard. I watched it one Christmas as I searched for more unusual holiday fare and was utterly blown away. I felt as if I should seek out more of these films. I got as far as Lethal Weapon 2 before I retreated back to the world of absurd horror and sci-fi. If not for the power of cultural osmosis and the question of the 3 shells i might not have worked up the interest to check out 1993's Demolitions Man. I was expecting a typical cop vs criminal action flick starring Stallone, but what I found was an absolutely delightful Science Fiction Comedy.
The Message
Released in 1993 Demolition man starts right out of the gate with a hilariously pessimistic prediction that by the year 1996 every city in America will be Gotham on crack. The Joker of this film is Simon Phoenix and though he lacks the circus act accoutrement he is absolutely a clown prince of crime. I would not be surprised to discover Heath Ledger took inspiration from Snipes for his turn as an agent of chaos. Phoenix is an unstoppable force and in Stallone he finds his immoveable object, John Spartan (God I love these action movie names), a cop who will walk through hell itself to see this mad man brought to justice. However in his blind pursuit of his greatest enemy Spartan is easily coaxed into making reckless decisions, resulting in unnecessary fatalities. Both Spartan and Phoenix are thus sentenced to cryogenic prison sentences.
In 2032, Phoenix is thawed out for a parole hearing and of course things go as you might expect. Phoenix finds that he has changed, someone has used scifi shenanigans on him while he was frozen giving him abilities both mental and physical that he had not had before, hinting at some kind of conspiracy, he also finds that this was overkill as even the unmodified Phoenix would not have had any trouble conquering the world of 2032. Society has become utopian and nobody has a concept of using physical force to resolve issues. This leads the police of the time to make the controversial decision to thaw out Spartan to bring down the villain.
Hilarity ensues as Sandra Bullocks character, Lenina Huxley (awesome name once again; named after the author of Brave New World), is tasked with keeping the primitive 90s action hero in line with the moral imperatives of the time. This includes avoiding violence, not using naughty words, a vegetarian diet, and socially distanced sexual intercourse (a gag at the time but in the real life 2020's may have been a welcome invention).
Without giving too much more away, this future peace comes at a great cost to personal freedom and expression and there is a society of free people living in the fringes of society known as Scraps lead by a civil rights leader of sorts named Friendly. There is a sinister conspiracy to wipe them out that is the central plot contrivance that brought our forces of Good and Evil to face off. The Super Phoenix betrays his handlers, seeks to turn this utopia into his personal playground and is eventually defeated by Spartan in the final showdown. Sylvester Stallone eagerly eats a rat burger and Sandra Bullock says a cuss word at one point.
The Benediction
Best Character: Phoenix Rises
Everyone loves a villain. I had mostly known Wesley Snipes from the Blade films and did not know he had this kind of range. I expected very stoic boring bad ass action dialogue from both Stallone and Snipes in this movie, and believed the sci-fi elements would simply be space cars and laser guns but was I wrong. I'm so happy to be wrong. This film just surprised me and Snipes performance as Phoenix was by far the most enjoyable. I loved his menace and the threat that he presented. I don't think there had been such a loveable bastard force of nature character like this portrayed in film so well until this time. He is such a believable threat that I really doubted there was going to be a way to bring him down. It was great to see the other characters underestimate him and to see him not only physically dominate his obstacles but to also out smart and out class his 'puppet masters' was just a pleasure the whole time.
Best Actor: Bullock in the Chamber
I know that Sandra Bullock stars in a ton of comedy films but I've never been able to say that I found her to be particularly funny. She also strangely plays a cop in a lot of these comedies. I may think of Lilina Huxley every time I think of Sandra Bullock from now on. She was absolutely hilarious, deadpan and dedicated to this character in a way that sold the world of 2032 America. I really don't think that the overly sensitive utopic world would have felt like a genuine place where human beings lived and not just a cartoonish backdrop without the honesty that Bullock brought to the role. It's hard to find actors who can inhabit a comedic world as seriously as a Middle Earth. And maybe that's not what she'd like to be remembered for, but I think she deserves that credit.
Best Aspect: a Genre/Genre/Genre Classic
Demolition Man is such a pleasant surprise. No one in this movie seems to begrudge it's wackiness and it lends itself to the humor in a way that lets the audience rest in the assurance that this was a pleasure for the cast and crew as much as it is a pleasure for us. It doesn't sacrifice it's action to be to screwball, and it doesn't sacrifice it's world building to be to absurd. It's a comedy that takes it's self seriously. I can not stress enough that this movie nails several genre's at once. It's a funny comedy, an ideologically committed satire, an exciting action flick, a hard science fiction tale that explores the high concept of the consequences of utopia, and a fantasy that sells it's goofy future world.
Worst Aspect: If Only Cops Were More Violent
I am not a fan of the implications of the film. In the 90s it seemed that PC culture was the big enemy of personal freedom and that giving a shit about other peoples feelings was going to turn our civilization into a bunch of overly sensitive weaklings. This narrative has imbedded itself in our culture and produced a generation of selfish assholes who feel completely justified in their every callous action. Demolition Man is a Libertarian science fiction film, but I find that it's central fiction is just that. I do not believe that committing to non-violent conflict resolutions, considering the feelings of others, and not eating meat will 'neuter' our abilities to live individually free and fulfilling lives. It's a caricature, that while funny, i think is inaccurate. If you are of the mindset that Personal Freedom is at odds with social justice then you may find yourself enjoying the idea that it takes a violent police reaction to save society from it's own worst impulses, but I find that idea fairly fantastical. I think seeing the community stand firm in their convictions and still overcome evil may have been a more ideologically realistic interpretation of how the day can be saved, but instead we are given a lone wolf renegade cop killing the bad guy will reform the world, and in todays world, that just seems like a profoundly stupid message.
Best Scene: Fight at the Museum
Demolition Man boasts several ass kicking confrontations between Spartan and Phoenix. The opening Escape from L.A. backdrop that establishes these deadly foes, and the fall out that an interaction between the two can have is considered extreme even when the world is seemingly at the brink of collapse. It really sets a high stake for our squeaky clean future. The final battle in the Cryo-lab is also iconic and features a pretty excellent practical effect. However, I'd have to give the best scene to the fight at the weapons exhibit. The fact that Spartan knows his enemy so well is on display as he predicts that the Weapons exhibit will be an irresistible draw, we get to see Phoenix at his chaotic best, great one liners, and it's just a toy box for both Hero and Villain to let lose and deliver on that fall out I was just mentioning had been set up in the first act. While I loved the comedic take on this rivalry, I'd like to see Snipes and Stallone take up their beef again in a more seriously violent film. They make for great arch-rivals.
Best Gag: Potty Mouth
When I was a kid I remember my father hauling ass down our residential road and getting pulled over just a block away from our driveway. I think he was doing 55 in a 35. It was his fault but as the proud small government southern man he was, he felt it was absolutely overreach on behalf of the police department to give him a ticket on the road that he lived on. Stupid, I know. But our car was full of groceries and the officer let our ice cream melt while the whole time we sat in the truck with our home in view. My father was so enraged about this ticket that he got revenge on the mean old government by writing the check to pay his ticket, and then using said check to wipe sweat from his ass crack after mowing the lawn the next day. He mailed it in and I as an 11 year old knew that it was not going to effect the offending officer in the least, but that some poor old county clerk was going to probably get pink eye. Anyway, if you handle money or checks, you should always wear gloves, or wash your hands regularly before touching your face or eating. All that to say, I really enjoyed that after being frustrated with the 3 shell system Stallone racks up a series of fines for profanity. These fines are issued via an automated ticket dispenser on the wall in the police department. Stallone lets out a string of hilarious expletives that I hope to God were adlibbed, before he is satisfied with a nice pile of paper in his hand. He implies that he is going to the bathroom to do a little paperwork, and the scene is over. Even if you don't want to watch the whole movie, go ahead and YouTube this scene. Stallone has a surprising talent for comedy on display here.
Summary
To Begin with, I would say not to take this film too seriously: It is a comedy, after all, and I am not certain that the political implications of the movie were meant to be thought out as much as I have above. Unlike Judge Dredd, which Stallone would star in 2 years after this, (tragically deciding to bring Rob Schneider along with him) Demolition Man does not openly advocate for fascism. It's funny, it's a tight story with a satisfying conclusion, it's got great action choreography and it may be Snipes, Bullock and Stallone at their absolute best.
Overall Grade: B
#Demolition Man#Action#Science Fiction#Comedy#Sci Fi#Hard SciFi#snipes#1987#Stallone#Sandra Bullock#Bullock#Cop#1993#90s#B#Grade B#Grade: B#wesley snipes#sylvester stallone#(B)
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Raya and the Last Dragon Ending Explained
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This Raya and the Last Dragon article contains spoilers. You can read our spoiler-free review here.
It almost didn’t end this way. For a brief moment during the climax of Raya and the Last Dragon, it felt like we were a million miles away from any kind of peace. And when Raya (Kelly Marie Tran) marched up the steps of Fang’s parameters in search of Namaari (Gemma Chan), I doubt there was a single viewer who didn’t share her anger—and maybe her thirst for revenge.
Minutes before this sequence, Raya had once again extended the olive branch to her rival and former friend, and once again been betrayed. In their childhood, Namaari had double-crossed Raya once, leading to the disaster that broke the Dragon Gem and unleashed the Druun. Even so, Raya was willing to let that pain (mostly) go. She listened to Sisu (Awkwafina), the lovable and kind-hearted dragon who convinced Raya to look past that memory and once more attempt to find peace with Namaari. For the good of Kumandra.
And, yet again, Namaari deceived Raya by acting conciliatory before pulling a crossbow on her rival and Sisu. Admittedly, neither Raya nor the dragon had any way to realize how conflicted Namaari was about this, or how Namaari’s mother put her up to this treachery, convincing the daughter that Fang only needed Sisu and the Dragon Gem to survive. Not unity. Not peace. Raya probably wasn’t even fully aware it was an accident when Namaari pulled the trigger, killing Sisu. But we did. And even then, it was still too easy to side with Raya’s rage as she approached Namaari in the climax with red in her eyes.
Narmaari is Not a Disney Villain
It would have been simple for the filmmakers to make Namaari the villain. A lesser version of this same story most certainly would have. A storyteller doesn’t have to empathize with Namaari’s itchy trigger finger, or sympathize with her motivations to act selfishly out of a sense of duty. And this is fiction. In our real world, it seems harder every day for people to see each other, flaws and all, for the shared humanity underneath. Why would a Disney movie need to appreciate such nuance?
Nevertheless, Raya and the Last Dragon takes Namaari and Fang to the precipice of being irredeemable, even as it refuses to cross the thin line into Disney Villain territory.
Namaari is an antagonist, to be certain, but there are no villains in Raya and the Last Dragon. The power of its ending comes from getting everyone—including the audience—to see that despite justifiable grievances, we’re not dealing with cartoon characters.
Hence how in a few minutes, we can go from Raya and Namaari having a climactic showdown worthy of a grand martial arts movie to Raya then essentially giving her life to a failed dream of reconciliation; reconciliation between herself and Namaari, and reconciliation between the five disparate communities of Kumandra who’ve long forgotten that the same river runs through each of their villages, and the same water races through all of their blood.
Sisu knew this though. Coming from a different era, one before polarization had turned so toxic in Kumandra, Sisu recalls the day that made her name legendary. When we first meet the adorkable dragon, she’s too modestly self-effacing about how she helped save the world.
“Have you ever done like a group project and there’s that one kid who didn’t pitch in as much but still ended up with the same grade?” Sisu confesses. And yet, as we later see in the movie, it was a group effort in which every dragon played their part that defeated the Druun 500 years ago, including Sisu.
In a flashback, we see Sisu’s older brother use the same river water that is the lifeblood of Kumandra to make the first portion of what became the Dragon Gem. “I don’t know why they chose me,” Sisu says, “it could have been any of us. All I know is they trusted me, and I trusted them. When they put their faith in me, it empowered me beyond anything I can imagine.” Their faith in Sisu, the presumably younger and less self-assured dragon, gave her the resolve to use their combined magic to banish the Druun from Kumandra.
The Dragons Return & Sisu is Reunited With Her Family
Learning from Sisu’s lesson, even after seeing her father’s good diplomacy lead to his seeming death, and then Sisu goes the same way, Raya ultimately makes the choice to again put her faith in unity while the Druun surrounds her and a motley crew of erstwhile representatives from each of Kumandra’s warring regions: Raya from Heart, Boun from Tail, Little Noi from Talon, Tong from Spine… and Namaari from Fang.
No one else can or has good reason to make peace with Namaari. Even in the face of armageddon, giving up their individual Dragon Gem shards would mean certain death, and Namaari’s crossbow put them in this situation. Yet Raya can perhaps see herself still in her rival, who just lost a parent to the Druun like Raya did five years earlier. Also like Raya, Namarri is scared to see beyond her personal grievances. It’s in that moment Raya realizes this isn’t about magic; it’s about trust.
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“Let me take the first step,” Raya says while handing off the Dragon Gem shard she’s been carrying around for half a decade. In this action, she sacrifices herself to the idea of a better, less polarized world. In many ways, it mirrors another iconic sacrifice in a Disney movie, with Anna seemingly giving her life to protect Elsa at the end of Frozen, turning to ice in an act of true sisterly love. However, what Raya does is even harder: She gives her life for an idea, and puts faith in someone who’s let her repeatedly down in the worst, most traumatizing ways.
It gives Namaari the impetus to reunite the pieces of the Dragon Gem and, this being a Disney movie, save her life and the lives of all others who’ve been turned to stone, including the dragons.
The Message of Raya and the Last Dragon
It’s perhaps a predictable ending. It’s also nonetheless poignant. Parents and children, adults and adolescents, all can relate to the feeling of alienation and justified distrust. It can be as big on the macro level as world leaders failing to pass a binding resolution that might save lives, and as micro as, well, the kid you can’t expect to do their share of a homework project.
Indeed, the message has an especially uncomfortable timeliness in 2021 after adults throughout Disney’s native country failed to come together during a moment of pandemic and pestilence, and again when many failed to accept the results of the most secure election in American history; and it rings true right now as folks increasingly fractionalize and insulate in their bubbles, be it local communities or social media echo chambers where anyone who disagrees is suspected of the worst, and should thus be immediately cast out.
Yes, there is a reason Raya and the Last Dragon’s ending parable about building bridges, even over scorched earth, strikes a nerve. And why its message of disparate and wary individuals coming together to make a stronger whole is worth hearing right now.
“Welcome to Kumandra,” Raya tells her father when he wakes from his stony slumber to see that, for the first time in ages, his people realize they share the same culture and values. The same humanity. The obvious epiphany feels good and as refreshing as the summer rain.
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