#worrrrth itttt

[sexatoxbridge]

TWO THINGS I LOVE: SURVEYS AND TALKING ABOUT MYSELF

So @vocabularryonthemind​ did this survey the other day and I was reading through like, “heh…dat me” because we’re the same person in different bodies. Naturally I thought, “She’ll tag me in this.” THEN SHE DIDN’T. And I was like, “I can’t BELIEVE Y-” so then she tagged me in it, but I’m gonna pretend that part didn’t happen. 

Anyway here’s a bunch of information literally no one asked for.

I wasn’t kidding about us being the same person so I’ve taken screen shots of some of her answers that were verbatim what I would’ve said anyway. Here’s a visual representation of us as people made by Choe:

Dat me.

Dat her. 

1: Are you named after someone?
 My mother got the idea for my name when she ran into her ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend because that’s normal and sane. She liked his new girlfriend’s name so that’s what’s on the records. If I was a boy I was going to be called Maxamillion because my mum is an extra ass heaux™.   

2: When was the last time you cried? I…actually don’t know. Which is pretty cool. Not that I’m like anti-crying or anything, it’s just that I’ve been livin la vida loca and having a good time. So no crying for me as of late. 

3: Do you like your handwriting?

4: What is your favorite lunch meat?
 Prosciutto…I eat it as a meal sometimes.  

I’m so proud of our 32 year-old son, John Mulaney.

7: Do you use sarcasm?
 I…don’t know what that is…

8: Do you still have your tonsils?
 I do.

9: Would you bungee jump?
 I actually almost bungee jumped off of the Stratosphere casino in Las Vegas a couple of weeks ago but it was like $120 so I decided to just do the roller coaster instead. So, I would. If it didn’t interfere with my drinking and gambling funds. 

10: What is your favorite kind of cereal?
 I’m not really a breakfast person.

Okay but I’m like freakishly strong for my size…my uncle calls me She Hulk. Before I became a coxswain I was a rower but I’m only 5′3 which is about a foot shorter than you want to be for rowing, but because I was fueled by rage and a vendetta to prove everyone wrong I ended up always making the top boats thanks to my JLo booty and freakishly strong legs.  

Livin dat Lactose Intolerant Lyf™

14: What is the first thing you notice about people?
 Their bum. 

15: Red or pink?
 

Would we call his lips red or pink? 

16: What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself?
 My ovaries. 0/10 would not recommend. 

17: What color pants and shoes are you wearing now? UK pants as in underpants? Or US pants as in trousers? UK – blue. US – I don’t wear trousers. I’ve got tights on. And dark brown Uggs. 

18: What was the last thing you ate? Half of a cucumber (whoa! Go crazy!) I had some delicious tacos for lunch though.

19: What are you listening to right now?
 “Minute 5” by a band called Boega, which is a folky-rock song. Hear me out…so Ed Sheeran was on Mista Jam’s show on BBC Radio 1 today and did a “house party playlist” and this was on it. It’s interesting. And if Ed loves it imma give it a try. The weirdest gypsy soulmate shit was that I was all ready to add his tracks to my January playlist (I make one every month of new music I find) and the first song he played was Chance the Rapper “All Night”…and I shit you not, that is the FIRST song I put on my playlist last week.

 Fate. Ed was meant to be at a wedding I went to a year ago and I was like, “Yes. Gonna woo Ed Sheeran,” but then he was, like, busy or something. Whatever I don’t wanna talk about it. ANYWAY, I’m still convinced I’ll meet him someday and be like, “Yo…remember that playlist you made? WELL-”

20: If you were a crayon, what color would you be? 
I don’t fuckin know, man. I don’t think I’ve looked at a crayon in 20 years. If I were an OPI nail varnish colour however I would be “I’m Really Not A Waitress”.

Mmm…good man smell…or good woman smell…people. My favourite smell is people I’m attracted to. It usually smells like ginger biscuits. But like the combination of someone I’m attracted to and a nice cologne…mmm. 

Same, except my brofriend. Not her brofriend, although technically her brofriend is the last person I texted to warn him that I’m watching him. We have a rivalry for who is the true Lewis to Choe’s Harreh. I obviously am. ANYWAY, yesterday I ran out of gas so my brofriend brought me some, but he somehow drove right past me and got lost in a car park even though I was just standing by my car shakin my head until I called him to be like, “wyd…” Otherwise, I hate talking on the phone so I avoid speaking on one at all times. 

23: Favorite sport to watch? 
RUGBY

It’s true, we even look the same. 

26: Do you wear contacts? Nay. Both my parents are blind as bats, but I was like, “Not today, genetics. NOT TO-DAY,” cos I’ve got 20/20. 

27: Favorite food to eat?
 Mexican food. Because I’m a MexiCAN. 

28: Scary movies or comedy? Comedy. My favourite films in no particular order are: Old School, Wedding Crashers, Talladega Nights, Superbad…basically that kind of thing. 

29: Last movie you watched?
 I watched John Mulaney’s standup special The Comeback Kid for the sixtieth time the other night.

30: What color of shirt are you wearing?
 I’m wearing a black dress.

31: Summer or winter?
 Summer. I hate being cold. So much so that I’ve adjusted my lifestyle to live in an endless summer where I move between California, Mexico and London at optimum temperature and sunlight times. 

32: Hugs or kisses? Both. But only from dogs.   

33: What book are you currently reading?
 Does fan fiction count?

34: Who do you miss right now? CHOE. WHERE SHE AT. SHE MAKIN ME TAKE THIS SURVEY WHILST SHE’S PROBS DRINKING WHISKEY AND PONTIFICATING ON THINGS. 

35: What is on your mouse pad?
 Mouse pad? Someone’s doing well…

36: What is the last TV program you watched?
 THE OA. So good. 

37: What is the best sound?
 “Fireproof” by One Direction

I wanted Paul McCartney to be my grandfather when I was younger, but musically…I like them both. 

39: What is the furthest you have ever traveled? 
China? I think China. 

Is being a psychic gypsy heaux™ a talent? I’m savant as hell, but also kind of psychic. Specifically when it comes to randomly putting on the same outfit as Choe. We gross. Don’t look at us. 

42: People you expect to participate in this survey?
 Every goddamn one of you. If I have to do this WE ALL DO.

I’m tagging Smelly because she the other third of our Gypsy Hoe Network™. @mellygrant​ 

Dat us.