#working on my issues with TK's parents through Carlos

[doublel27]

Honestly a little surprised that you are "not mad" that Carlos didn't tell TK this huge secret in all the time they've been together. Especially after the way he acted about TK and his sponsor. Yeah the set-up for this storyline was non-existant and that's bad writing, but also, Carlos's complete lack of remorse and TK's complete lack of a reaction to the news makes me feel like I'm watching pod people. Is TK gunning for sainthood? Even if the set-up was there the way they handled the reveal just makes no sense.

Look, this is a man who spent four-six months of a break up lying to his parents about the break up and the fact that they weren’t living together anymore in a time period that included major holidays AND TK’s birthday.

He hates confrontation (I have a whole meta on it) and his anxiety is like for real bad (therapy Carlos my love please)

This is not new or news.

I’m going to detour (but bring it back around): this morning I was catching up on the Drama Queen’s podcast and they were discussing a storyline in which a half a married couple admits he’s lied by omission and his wife was physically injured due to this lie. And Sophia Bush (my angel, my love) brought up how as a person with severe anxiety (like me and Carlos and the queen herself) learns from a very young age to not bring their anxiety and worries to other people but to feel that they have to have a solution to the problem before they let others in.

The need to have an solution ready before he loops anyone else in is a VERY common behavior in Carlos. We see it from season one through season three. This is an area of growth for him.

Do I believe Carlos should have told TK long ago: yes.

Is this a flaw in Carlos’s character: absolutely

Does TK have every right to be pissed and hurt: most certainly.

But it’s Carlos turn to do the growing. We’ve gotten three seasons of TK’s character development arc start with a failed proposal in the series premiere and end with a successful proposal in the season three finale. TK’s ability not to immediately internalize this as Carlos thinking he was too fragile to handle this news and recognizing that Carlos has been drowning in his anxiety and guilt and shame over this and THAT is why he didn’t say anything, is outstanding and amazing and WHY Tarlos works. They take turns being the messy one.

So no, I’m not mad with Carlos. I don’t think not telling TK with the depth of guilt and shame and Carlos’s history of conflict avoidance is out of character. I do not blame others for being mad at Carlos and TK definitely has every right to surface his mad about this later after processing and when Carlos isn’t on an anxiety spiral.

I said it last season and I will say it again this season: we are watching two men with two different manifesting mental health issues navigate a relationship. They’re both doing their best but they will still hurt each other in the process of doing their best. Sometimes their best isn’t enough.

That’s marriage, kids, especially when you throw in depression, anxiety, substance abuse, internalized homophobia, and stressful jobs.

[thisbuildinghasfeelings]

Season 6 plot wishes

We meet Enzo and Jonah. Because this show loves killing people off, Enzo dies. Tarlos become his legal guardians.

No disrespect to your wishes, anon, and I'm sure you're not the only one who wants this, but I would not be a fan of this happening. I would love to see TK and Carlos as parents at some point, but I want it to be on their own terms. Especially after the way things were left last season, I think it would be unfortunate to put Carlos in this position. I want him to be able to work through his issues, come to the decision that he's ready to be a parent, and then have them take affirmative steps to make that happen. And I want them to have their own kid, not TK's brother.

Also, I'm not ready to see them as parents yet! I think adding a kid into the mix would put a strain on the kinds of scenes I still want to see from them. My ideal situation would be for them to become parents at the very end of the show, and I'm really not ready for that to happen!

That said, if they want to introduce Enzo and Jonah, I would be all for it!

[paperstorm]

Hi! Would you be willing to talk a little more about HCing Carlos as demi/on that spectrum? Only if you want to of course! Your analysis is always so well thought out and interesting. I've only recently started dipping my toe into seeing if one of those identities might fit me, and working through the lens of beloved characters and the distance afforded by that has been...eye-opening lol. Thank you and even if you don't get to this I hope you're having a good day/night/whatever!

Sure! Really it comes mostly out of Carlos's admission that he didn't realize he wasn't broken until he met TK. That just feels so big to me. It's not a normal romantic "all my life I was looking for you" kind of declaration, because it's more about Carlos himself than it is about TK. It's not just "you make me happy in a way no one ever did" or "I feel whole when I'm with you", it's "I felt wrong until I met you in a way that I didn't even fully realize until that feeling went away." I've always headcanoned that Carlos didn't have a ton of experience with other guys before TK just because it feels to me that that's implied in canon but that line. It makes his marriage to Iris make even more sense if you put him on the demi spectrum, because while he realized that he was gay, compounded with his issues with his parents and the internalized homophobia he needed to work through, Carlos also tried to date and hook up but it never felt like he thought it was supposed to. It wasn't the fireworks revelation he'd been led to believe it would be, but instead of going oh well I just haven't met the right guy yet, he decided there was something wrong with him. That he was broken in a way that was more profound than just being gay in an intolerant world. So he got married to his friend, thinking that would be the closest to a happy ending he would ever get. And then he met TK, and for the very first time he felt all the things he thought he was supposed to feel. He really wanted someone for the first time, so much that he felt like they were soulmates when they barely knew each other, which is not a thing that rational, practical Carlos ever expected to feel. I doubt the writers did this knowingly or intentionally but it fits so well for me that once I thought of it, I kind of cant' stop seeing him this way. He felt wrong in his own skin because he didn't have the deep emotional connection with other men that he needed in order to enjoy being with them. And then TK just made everything make sense.

[hexie-mountain]

given what we know, this is both tk and carlos’ first proper serious relationship so their missteps aren’t as surprising imo they’re trying to work through past trauma and mental health issues while also trying to show up for each other

owen and gwyn’s divorce, enzo picking up the slack during owens absence when tk was growing up and tk’s addiction are all traumas that can greatly affect a person’s self worth and perception so it’s understandable that he sees himself in a slightly distorted negative light

see: tk immediately jumping to a conclusion of carlos thinking he’ll be a bad father when thats not even close to what carlos meant when he said he’s not ready for kids in present time.

tk trying to convince gwyn in the flashback while coming down from a high that he doesn’t need help and how he shows up to work on time and clean and doesn’t fuck up. his addiction and parental issues left him with this deep seated need to prove his own capabilities in every facet of his life and if you consider the way he reacted to iris seeing herself in him then its clear that its a wound thats still healing with his new found stability and love in austin

and carlos’ trauma growing up a gay man of colour in a traditional family and a conservative state, the rejection led him to believe he’s pretty much unlovable and left him scrambling for control thinking his only hope at any kind of a semi-happy future was iris. and all this weight of responsibility of being the only son with 2 sisters and being raised with pretty rigid views of what a man is supposed to behave like and be.

carlos clearly having trouble communicating his feelings and having some kind of anxiety based conflict avoidance and people pleasing ingrained into his core that he’s trying to balance and ultimately fails at because he’s just now realising that he cannot keep everyone happy whether its trying to love tk while also maintaining the illusion of a perfect son to his parents cuz he thinks he’s disappointing them or trying to fix himself to please his parents and help iris as a friend with his insurance etc etc and now that he feels slightly in control and sure of his life with tk he probably feels the need to celebrate and enjoy it fully and kids do seem like a daunting step when he’s just now feeling in control of his life

til i get my damn carlos begins episode im going to be blindly filling in blanks that lame square tim minear does not care to fill 🧑🏽‍💻

[craftytragedysalad]

Two dialogues that haven't left my mind since the season finale.

I'm still surprised at how much space Carlos and his family history got in the end, although I still think Gabriel's death is controversial to say the least.

But they tried to show in two chapters how Carlos "thought" he knew his father, but he didn't.

I wish this story had had time to develop more because it was a really good direction to take, but then again, you can't have everything in life right? We'll have to accept that Carlos will have to mature all these ideas without having his father around.

The first dialogue that caught my attention was this one, where Andrea talks to Carlos to try to show him that his father is worthy of respect and admiration.

She uses this sentence above to imply that Carlos doesn't know Gabriel as well as he thinks.

Then we have this scene where Carlos goes to his parents' house, to try to resolve the uneasiness of the last conversation with Gabriel and to invite him to be his best man.

The dialogue clearly shows that Carlos hasn't been interested in his father's life for at least a few years, since he doesn't know that he's been doing puzzles with Andrea and trying to take better care of his health.

My opinion is still that the biggest weight of the mistake is on Gabriel's side because as he himself mentions, he never gave a list of things he did for the Rangers while Carlos was growing up so his son would know his side as a person who fights for diversity in the organization and will have pride of the father.

Then I found myself thinking about Carlos' age. In Gabriel's recording that Carlos found hidden, the year 2003 is mentioned. The little Carlos who appears in the recording was what? 7 years old? Maybe a little less?

Therefore, we can conclude that Carlos is currently between 27 and 29 years old.

He told TK that he came out to his parents when he was 17. In the conversation about children with Andrea, Carlos mentions that he has been having a closer relationship with his father for only two years.

So we can conclude that Carlos and his needs were ignored by his parents for approximately 12 years.

This man who worked in his own organization to ensure diversity, did he ever find it strange that his son never introduced him to a boyfriend? He never thought to ask? For 12 years?

Look, I'm not trying to demonize Gabriel here, I am also mourning his death, but just to rationalize the weight of what was shown.

There would be so much space to work on the development of this father-son relationship that my grief is much more for that than for Carlos' suffering. Yes, it broke my heart to see him so devastated by his father's death, but he was certainly so mad precisely because he had so many unresolved issues that he would never have the chance to resolve.

Yes, I agree that our real life is also like that, when we hold a grudge, sometimes we don't have time to take it back before life knocks us down, but I hope that the next season will work on healing Carlos in that sense, of the understanding that yes, he made a mistake, he moved away from his father, he could have reached out a hand and reduced the distance, but he needs to understand that this is the responsibility of the parents and that he should not carry this guilt alone, as if the universe were with him punishing him for not having fought harder to know his father for real.

I know that Gabriel's death will not stay unresolved. One way or another, Carlos will be brought back to this plot, either through himself in search of a solution (maybe revenge?) or through some event that will end up leading him to solve the case.

I also know that the show is a procedural that doesn't work as deeply into the psychological aspect of the characters, but it would be nice to at least hear the mention of Carlos going to therapy to make peace with the way his and Gabriel's relationship turned out.

I also hope to see more of Andrea and how the two adjust to the new reality, I would like to see them support each other as we saw in the last chapter.

Anyway, sorry for the giant text, but these two scenes couldn't get out of my head and I'd like to talk about this parallel that tried to show that Gabriel was a better man than Carlos could have thought. Even if it hurts to think about the wasted potential of all the dialogues and situations that could happen.

And I will never forgive the show for not giving us an investigation where the two worked together, so Gabriel could get to know more of his son as well.

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

KILL ME NOW I CANT TAKE ALL THESE EMOTIONS KANDKNSKA I AM WRECK WITH CARLOS FINDING OUT ABOUT HIS DADS WORK AND GABRIEL DYING JUST LIKE THAT AND COPING WITH THE PAIN AND BEING BLINDED BY IT AND TK GOING TO OWEN AND OWEN ACTING LIKE THE DAD HE HAS JUST LOST AND THE PROPOSAL AGAIN AND AND THE WEDDING AND THE VOWS AND THE SONG IN THE END WITH ALL THE IMAGES I CANNOT KANDKNSJANA

Honestly these are some of the finest hours of television I have watched. I understand that a lot of people are not happy with the finale and it’s valid but I absolutely loved it. I think the issue was with releasing the episodes back to back cause that shit was overwhelming to say the least but I loved loved loved everything.

I wish Gabriel would not have died but like it’s network tv and characters are always killed to raise the stakes and I don’t particularly like it but I’ve braved through 15 seasons of Grey’s where main characters have been brutally killed so as much as I loved him—better secondary characters like Charles/Robert than any of the mains from the 126.

Anyways—on to the good parts.

1. The 126 scene at the beginning lmao they are all so unserious all the time I love them

2. Gabriel and Carlos broke my heart in that scene

3. I didn’t really care much about Robert but he grew on me? I wish we’d seen more of him so that I was more emotionally damaged lmao

4. CARLOS IN HIS VILLAIN ERA IS EVERYTHING TO ME I LOVED THE UNHINGENESS THE CURLS THE ABSOLUTE GOING OFF THE RAILS ARC.

5. TK being the supportive fiancé>>🥺🥺 “we’re not going to say cancelled”

6. DOUBLE PROPOSAL OOF>>

7. THE WEDDING THE HONEYMOON SCENE THE VOWS THEIR SMILES THEIR SUITS THE HAPPIBESS THAT MF SONG TOMMY AND FUCK ALL THE COUPLES BEING HAPPY I—

8. Also did you watch the deleted scenes?? I am so obsessed with them

9. The only thing I didn’t like was the Wyatt and Judd’s storyline. I work in the field of public health and disability and the saviour complex irked me to no end. Wyatt was given absolutely no rights in his entire treatment and I hate that. And the whole “you can do it you can do it” pressure by Judd wasn’t very helpful. I work with a lot of parents too and while I understand and see their pain when their kid has a disability and the mental toll on them—it’s still no excuse for violating their rights.

OKAY BUT I OVERALL I LOVED THE TWO EPISODES. I WISH WE GOT MORE TARLOS WEDDING BUT ITS AN ENSEMBLE AND YET TARLOS GETS SO MUCH SCREENTIME SO I AM 100% CONTENT UNTIL WE GET ALL THOSE DELETED SCENES!!!

[911lonestarfeels]

So I got up this morning at five so I could watch both episodes before work. Thank you Hulu for not posting things until 301. 

I honestly have a lot of different thoughts on the episode I thought it was excellently acted. But I felt like the pacing was off you know?

My ethnic, cultural, and race background is fairly similar to TK. One parent who’s Jewish the other parent is not so maybe I’m not seeing things from the right perspective? Like I had no idea that Carlos had issues with the Rangers until that episode. I thought the discussion between him and Andrea was amazing. An example of having differing positions and facts that will back up what you’re saying being civil about it and agreeing that you can’t agree. I thought that was wonderfully done. 

I also really liked that. TK didn’t try and mediate between Carlos and Gabriel. It isn’t a partners job to be supportive and help them find the right path forward. However, you don’t need to insert yourself in every situation. Especially one that you’re probably not qualified to handle them.  As well as TK and Carlos know each other, he don’t know the totality of the history, both in the father, son, relationship, and the relationship that the Rangers had with minority groups. While TK is technically a minority, some minorities are more in your face than others. For example, I’m a teacher my dad was Jewish, so ethnically, not religiously I’m half Jewish. Well 48% according to ancestry.com but if you walked up to me on the street, you would think I was a pure wasp – you know white Anglo-Saxon protestant. TK has that same guise. I don’t know if it’s passing or just like flipping through the cracks. But in the day today he is not going to experience the same thing as Carlos or Gabriel or Andrea.  Going to Andrea at that point then later Owen, was probably the best plan.

I think overall my issue with the two episodes is this they tried to shove too much into two episodes. The disagreement between Carlos and Gabriel, the half family coming to town and meeting everybody, Owen, being Owen, he makes drama wherever he goes, Gabriel’s death and funeral Being in one episode. And the next one we have Carlos attempting to go through every stage of grief, the postponement of the wedding, which I’m pretty sure all of us knew was going to happen, Carlos beginning to veer a little bit from the normal route, the wedding, all the stuff with Wyatt and Judd quitting, which should be in quotation marks, probably, the five second honeymoon, and then assisted suicide.

I have issues with that whole storyline, which I will not get into now because this post is incredibly long, but it wasn’t necessary to shoehorn that into the end of the episode. Unless they were trying to be cheaper and not have to film anything for next season? I really love this show And I love those boys. The Reyes parents were growing on me and I hope that Owen turns down his melodrama.

But the season long lead up to the wedding that was like 20 minutes. I was disappointed. Maybe there are outtakes that they’ll post somewhere

Oh!  And where are Enzo and Jonah like you have the random cousins from California that you’ve never met but not your half brother that you share with your dead mom. Color me confused. 

[ramblingdisaster73]

This is me trying to work my way through the current storyline – what we are seeing and hearing on screen only. Not what we want to see, what we think they mean, or who they include in what words they say. I know that we have only seen 3 of the 4 acts, I get there is still another piece of the puzzle left for us to see. I do. I know plenty of people will disagree, so read ahead at your own risk.

In 4x01: Carlos gets a call from this “dream venue” telling him that they have an opening in 8 weeks.

-He then tells his mom, she gets happy until she realizes he isn’t – that he hadn’t told TK the truth yet (her words)

-He only then agrees that he needs to tell TK that day, decides that telling him in the middle of a shift is the best time – Also by the way he tells TK that they have 8 weeks – it does make it appear as if he already agreed to the date – but it isn’t specifically said.

*When TK is asking him questions, with no raised voices, no judgement – Carlos responds in a fairly defensive way to TK’s questions until they get to the part about the “dream venue” then he is happier.

-He says he is a bad "friend" he is specific with friend and they were talking about Michelle and Iris - (just a strange line when you are admitting to the man you agreed to marry that you are already married.)

-When he goes to Iris, he does talk up TK, but for some reason the writers found it necessary to point out that TK wasn’t currently in a coma – just a weird throwaway line.

Then we get 4x02: Carlos somewhat dismisses TK’s nervousness about meeting Iris. Then he just orders him how to react to the way Iris speaks. – Sorry, but his tone was off to me here.

-He goes with a joke about not meeting his parents, just his wife – wife by the face TK makes, isn’t really all that appreciated. He doesn’t smile at it, he doesn’t laugh, he looked very uncomfortable.

-He is physically supportive to a point – but only a point. He is at all times more concerned with Iris.

-When we get to the loft scene at the end, is the only time that they seem at all like Tarlos – the couple that got engaged in 3x18.

4x03: I can understand in the moment of panic acting the way Carlos did in the loft. Why he would be concerned. I know that people (and articles) have said that he blames himself, but on screen we only see him blaming TK – then not speak or look at him, pointedly.  That bad relationship line, while pointedly ignoring TK either had something cut or was a dig at TK.

-We then see him call TK only to lie to him. We can argue about whether that I love you from him in reply to TK’s was just an auto response to hearing it from TK or not – that is how it looks from the expression on his face, that he called TK to lie, and that he just hung up right after.

Rafa said that Carlos trips up pretty big at the beginning of the season and that it impacts the way he approaches the rest of the season. I thought the trip up would have been the multi-year lie, or that he hadn’t reconnected with Iris a long time ago, then I thought it was maybe the controlling issues or how he deals with shit (or rather doesn’t).

If I thought that we would have real resolution to any of this (We really didn’t get it after Push either), then it wouldn’t be so frustrating. Do we think Carlos will actually learn something from this arc? Will any type of ‘reunion’ between TK & Carlos make sense at this point?

[guardian-angle22]

TK in his next coma dream to his figment-of-my imagination mother: "And then he said – Surprise! I'm already married!"

I don’t know if coma cookies can help with this one.

Oh my god wait—I now desperately need a parallel scene (preferably not a coma dream actually) of Andrea and Carlos having a conversation and her knocking some sense into him.

I would love for Carlos to have a conversation with his parents finally working through his issues with them and why he got married in the first place.. but then also Andrea being like ~I can’t believe your dumb ass didn’t tell your boyfriend of years about this what were you thinking, there’s no way he’s actually this okay with it~

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here bestie, here to pour ice cubes down the back of your office mate's shirt as well as anyone getting pissy in yours or others inboxes for daring to have an opinion the screentime usage on a supposed ensemble show. Seems like a perfect time to talk about the latest LS episode, so get ready my friend, I've got some opinions. So first the 4 things I liked, in no particular order were Captain Judd, Grace and Judd, the group sending pics to Marjan, Owen showing up to dinner. Now let's

talk about the rest of the episode where my thoughts fluctuated between "I don't give a shit" and "are you fucking kidding me". Let's start with the big, glaring issues. Did this fucking show, with all it's promotion of its diverse cast, just try to make the fucking nazi's sympathetic and victims? Fuck off show, the fact that the white supremacists didn't choose violence doesn't suddenly absolve them and make them good people. Violent racism may be on the rise, but by far the common and well practiced racism is institutional. I live in fucking Texas where we have such fabulous legal decisions like abortion bounties, only have 1 place to turn in mail-in ballots per county even if that county has millions of people, and saying its NOT actually necessary for outdoor workers to take a 10 minute water break every 4 hours, even if it's summer and temperatures reach 110+ degrees. Those last two heavily effect particular demographics and if you think the groups that vote for the people that allow those things to happen, that actively encourage it and condone it, are somehow redeemable because they didn't choose violence I have some choice words for you (sorry if that sentence made no sense, i lost some of my thoughts mid raging). To then top that off with a "let's give the violent white supremacist a sob story" and I'm officially disgusted. So yeah, anything tangentially related to this plot just didn't hit for me. And then we wasted so much of the last 6 episodes on this bullshit just to end with this makes me want set Tim's hair on fire. More minor complaints. We're a third of the way through the season and Mateo has had like 5 lines, do better show. And Carlos is just back to work and fine, sure, whatever. This is minor since I didn't expect them to address this till later, but we better get a nice looong conversation between him and his parents. Okay, bitching done, on to OG spec soon!!!

Hello my friend! I got this right before dinner last night and then I was out of spoons for the day but I am vibrating on like, 2000% of my normal serotonin thanks to OG, plus the hard mango soda I had when I got home because it was A Week, so I'm READY to do ALL OF THE THINGS! Also, I finally got to go home so I'm warm now because it was another freezing day in the office. I miss working at home 😭😭😭 ANYWAY, lets talk about LS so I can get to your OG ask because I have THOUGHTS!

This week did have some good stuff, more actually than I was expecting because we got the group being at least FINALLY involved in this plot. Captain Judd is my absolute beloved and I loved seeing a bit of his dynamic with Paul again (that ice storm arc was SO GOOD for them!). More Captain Judd if Owen is going to bitch about his job being the equivalent of being "benched". 🙄🙄🙄 Grace continues to be The Best and her and Judd's relationship is everything to me. I really enjoyed the team kinda goofing off but also getting reminded that the danger is real (also that little kid DID deserve an award!) because they ARE good in the field but that's not always enough. The group making sure to send their failure pics to Marjan is so on brand for them and I'm glad we at least got a mention that they're keeping in touch as promised. I love love love that Carlos and the 126 all got to be involved in this plot finally and we got to see an exciting emergency. I also ADORE little bitty TK holding on to his little bitty backpack straps. He's so pocket-sized and baby! I also really enjoyed Owen stopping by the loft and TK and Carlos making room for him. Judd wasn't wrong, he HAS been lonely and it was good to see him choosing to reach out to his son and work on that bonding instead of moping around at home. I'm really excited for dadzilla Owen and momzilla Andrea, it's gonna be a blast!

Now, as you said, for the not so good.

No only did the show try to make the group of nazis out to be the victims they also tried to make the young guy, who got kicked out of the nazi club for being too radical about wanting to DO nazi shit instead of just talking about it, into a victim because there was someone even WORSE and yeah he wanted to DO shit but maybe not that much. I mean, come on, poor kid just wanted to harass people trying to live their lives and protest people having rights because he doesn't like them, and maybe shout at some local politicians! He didn't want HIS family to get hurt in all that so now it's like, super sad and hard for him because his family is the one affected this time! Isn't he just the most victim-y victim to ever victim? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Sidebar, I just watched Bad Call, and like, THAT guy was a victim! He was picked up by bad guys, and forced to rob a bank while strapped to a bomb. You know who ISN'T a victim? Some white dude who was trying to make other people's lives miserable, and fucked around and found out! Zero sympathy.

The show wasted SO MUCH TIME on this plot and for what?! For them to make it seem like only one guy was a "bad apple" and all the other guys were victims? To kill off some rando woman that no one knew or cared about? Only to not even mention that it was Owen's fault she was in the building at all anyways because he couldn't keep his mouth shut?! For us to hear the writers say through Owen that being a fire captain is boring and they really wish they would have made this spinoff a police show instead?!?! The ONLY moderately enjoyable thing to come out of this storyline was Owen getting some funny quips and him and O'Brian being able to play off each other so well. Which, and I cannot stress this enough, could have happened around actual calls where Owen was doing his fucking job.

ANYWAY

Agreed that I'm TIRED of waiting for other characters billed and marketed as main characters to get more than a couple lines of "Yeah, Cap! On it, Cap!" so Owen can waste all the screen time doing NOT first responder work. And giving one "whole" episode to Marjan or Mateo or Paul or Carlos does NOT make up for them not having a consistent presence in every episode. Carlos had a HUGE trauma and it hasn't even come up in a background conversation for TWO EPISODES! Yes, I think it's going to come up more in depth later this season but zero follow up at all?! After he DIED?! Not even a single mention?! *Athena voice* InSANity. And it's doubly frustrating that this is still SUCH an issue so many seasons in, simply because the rest of the characters are so good that people are willing to put up with skipping Owen stuff so they can watch the rest of it. It has never made sense to me why shows talk down to/hate even slightly catering to their hardcore fanbase because those are the people that will make sure to tell EVERYONE about the show, and convince people to watch it with them, and will get the show talked about enough for journalists to write about it, and will KEEP the show going and talked about and beloved even after it's over!

Okay, I think I got it all out. Thanks as always for sharing your thoughts and coming over to be salty with me in my online living room. On a happier note, we finally have some good fucking food to talk about with OG so I'm gonna go work on that post next, and look forward to new LS being about Tommy!

[bellakitse]

Point of Comfort

“Babe, please,” Carlos tries patiently. He tugs on TK’s hair until he moves, turning on his back to look up at Carlos as he rests his head on his legs. “Talk to me.”

+

Escaping his parents’ latest drama, TK goes to the one person that brings him peace.

Written for Day One of Tarlos Corazonados Weekend- “Babe, please, sharing is caring.” @tarlos-valentine

Spoilers for the Owen-Gwyneth reveal of 2.04

*Mentions of TK’s canon-based childhood neglect and Owen/Gwyneth not so great parenting skills.*

Carlos Reyes has his feet up and music playing as he reads the latest paperback on his reading list when his front door is unlocked and in walks his boyfriend. He takes him in, his heart skipping a beat the way it always does when he looks at TK.

He’s dressed in his usual comfortable combo of sweats and a light-weight hoodie, and he’s absolutely gorgeous. It’s a constant source of awe for Carlos just how beautiful TK Strand is, even when he’s frowning like he is now.

“Um, hi?” he questions, both because TK had told him earlier that he was going back home for dinner with his parents, probably spending the night there, and because of the sour expression on his face.

TK grunts a hello in his direction, kicking his shoes off before he makes a beeline for him. He throws himself sideways on the couch Carlos is currently occupying, batting his hands out of the way as he wraps his arms around Carlos’ waist, pressing his face into his stomach before letting out a muffled scream.

Carlos raises an eyebrow at the action; he bends a corner of his book to mark the page he’s stopped at before placing it on the side table. “I take it dinner went well,” he says dryly as he runs his hand through TK’s hair, pressing down on that special spot behind his ear that always makes TK gasp.

TK retaliates by biting him through his shirt, and Carlos shakes with silent laughter at the childish action. Only TK can make bratty behavior cute. It’s either that, or that Carlos is so far gone on him that he finds everything he does adorable.

He keeps scratching TK’s scalp, feeling his body start to lose the tension he’s carrying. “Are you gonna tell me what happened?”

TK shakes his head, not bothering to move his face from Carlos’ mid-section.

“Babe, please,” Carlos tries patiently. He tugs on TK’s hair until he moves, turning on his back to look up at Carlos as he rests his head on his legs. “Talk to me. Sharing is caring after all,” he continues jokingly, pleased when TK lets out a reluctant huff of amusement at his words.

“They’re just being so annoying, bickering nonstop over the baby,” he says tiredly, and Carlos feels a wave of sympathy for his boyfriend. The news that Owen and Gwyn were expecting had been a shock to everyone, but no one more than TK. Since the moment they announced it, Carlos has watched TK carefully, seeing time and time again conflicting feelings play across his features.

“The kid isn’t even born yet, and they’re already arguing,” TK continues, the frustration in his voice loud and clear. “Which would be fine if it was just me,” he rolls his eyes. “I’m used to them, but this baby doesn’t need that shit. They’re falling into familiar patterns, and they can’t even see it. I just don’t know how to fix it,” he finishes helplessly.

Carlos stays quiet for a moment, trying to figure out how to address multiple points in TK’s comments. He starts with the last one first. “Well, first of all, it’s not your job to fix it,” he tells him, giving him a serious nod to emphasize his point when TK looks up at him with wide eyes. “It’s just not, baby, I get the impulse, I do. But your parents are adults. It’s up to them to get their shit together for this baby or realize that they don’t work together and figure out how to co-parent apart.”

He frowns as he moves on to the next point that bothers him more than the first. “Second of all, it’s not fine that you are used to them being this way. They shouldn’t be better parents just for this baby that’s coming; they should be better parents for you too,” he says heatedly, realizing for the first time just how angry he is on his boyfriend’s behalf.

He hears a sniffle, it pulls him out of his thoughts, and when he looks down at the man in his lap, he startles to see tears in his pretty green eyes.

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry,” he says anxiously, feeling gutted as the tears spill down TK’s cheeks.

“No, no,” TK says just as fast as he sits up. “Don’t apologize,” he continues with a self-conscious chuckle as he wipes his face. “I’m being ridiculous.”

Carlos frowns again. He takes TK’s hands, intertwining their fingers, tugging on them to get his attention. “You’re not, though,” he says, biting down on his lip before proceeding with caution. “It’s pretty clear that their behavior upsets you, sweetheart.”

Fresh tears spring in TK’s eyes, and Carlos hurts at the sad smile he gives him. “They’re not bad people. They love me.”

“I know that,” he reassures him, meaning it. He’s spent enough time with both TK’s parents to know they are kind and love their son beyond measure. “But they’re not perfect,” he says with a wry smile of his own, remembering a familiar conversation they had about his own parents just weeks ago. “And they don’t seem to notice how they act affects you. How I think it has always affected you?”

TK looks at him for a moment before letting out a sigh. “I hate when they fight,” he whispers, sounding small. It makes Carlos ache. “They can be great, laughing one second and then taking jabs at each other the next. Growing up, it would stress me out, not knowing which way it would go on any given day. I hate that it still makes me feel like that now. I know it’s never going to change. I should have a better handle on it by now.”

Carlos is shaking his head before TK is even done speaking. “Nope, you don’t get to take this responsibility on your shoulders,” he says, still shaking his head when TK opens his mouth. “Nope, nope, nope. You will not be blaming your valid feelings in this house.”

“Carlos,” TK says with a reluctant smile. It slowly grows more genuine when he doesn’t budge on his position. “Defending me even from myself,” he says with a resigned chuckle, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “I love you, you know that, right?”

“I do know,” he answers with a grin of his own. He reaches up, tugging TK towards him. TK comes easily, shifting to place his knees on either side of Carlos’ thighs, settling on his lap. “I love you too,” he tells him softly as he runs his thumb over his cheekbone. TK leans forward, smiling as he presses his lips against his.

Carlos cups his face, holding him in place as he kisses him. Taking his time, he touches his tongue to TK’s bottom lip, slipping inside to taste him when TK parts his lips with a breathy sigh. The kiss is meant to comfort, but as usual, the heat between them quickly ignites, and he feels his stomach clench with want as TK lets out a needy moan and starts to squirm on his lap. He breaks the kiss only when breathing becomes a problem, staring in wonder at how beautiful TK looks like this, skin flushed, his eyes hazy and unfocused, lips red and slick.

He loves this man, and he doesn’t want him farther than he is right now, which is probably why the next words spill out of his mouth. “You should move in with me.”

“What?” TK questions, his expression going from lost in their moment to startled. “Did you just – “

“You should move in,” he repeats. His heart is pounding from nerves, but he realizes just how much he wants this as he speaks again. “You shouldn’t have to deal with your parents’ issues in your own home anymore.”

TK’s face goes tender as the left side of his mouth quirks up in a half-smile. “Carlos, babe, it’s really sweet of you to offer just to save me from my parents’ bickering, but – “

“That’s not why I’m asking,” he rushes to say. “I mean, I do believe that Owen and Gwyneth need to get their shit together for their sake, yours and the baby that’s on the way. I also think that they should do it without dragging you into the middle of it. And I do want you to have a place away from that environment because I don’t think it’s good for you,” he swallows nervously, taking TK’s hands in his once more, bringing them up to his mouth to kiss them.

He looks at TK over them, his lips against his knuckles. “But mostly, I’m asking because I want you here. I want this to be your home. I love that this is the place you seek when you are stressed or frustrated, or scared. I love that this place is a source of peace for you, and I want that to be a permanent thing. I want this place, me, to be your home. I want – “

“Oh my god, shut up,” TK blurts out, kissing him hard before Carlos has a chance to feel hurt by his words. He breaks the kiss just as fast as it starts, bringing their joined hands to his mouth just like Carlos did moments ago, laying a kiss there too. “Yes,” he says with a smile that threatens to take over his whole face. His eyes are shining with tears again, but this time Carlos is relieved to see they’re happy ones. “I want all of that too, so yes.”

“Yes, you’ll move in with me?” he repeats, needing to hear the words in full. His heart all but cartwheels at the indulgent look TK gives him in return.

“Yes,” TK says again, grinning before letting out a happy laugh. “I will move in with you.”

Carlos releases TK’s hands to pull him into a hug, smiling at the peaceful sigh TK lets out as he settles into his hold, all but melting into it, and Carlos promises himself to always be this for TK. He’ll do everything in his power to make sure TK feels safe, loved, and know that he’s home from this moment on.

[morganaspendragonss]

maybe it will turn out this time

finally posting my @911lsbb!!! i'm so excited for you all to read this 💚 it will be three chapters and they will be posted every two days. word counts and warnings will be in the separate posts for each individual chapter fic title and chapter titles from road to hell from the hadestown soundtrack

summary: Falling in love with TK Strand wasn't part of Carlos's five-year-plan. Falling in love with anyone wasn't part of his five-year-plan, but TK... He blew like a whirlwind into Carlos's life and brought him a happiness he couldn't have even dreamed of. But tragedy is never far around the corner, and when it strikes, that happiness feels like a distant memory. * orpheus and eurydice, with a tarlos twist art by the absolutely wonderful and talented @dangermagnetstrand here! ao3 | 5.2k | hadestown references, first meeting, developing relationship, non-linear narrative

banner by @maomarty-blog

chapter 01: it's a love song

TK wakes up to warm, strong arms holding him close to a firm chest. A lazy smile curls on his lips and he doesn’t bother to open his eyes, snuggling back further into the embrace instead. The grip tightens around him and lips press into his hair. TK doesn’t know how long it’s been since he was this happy.

Too long; weeks, months — or that’s what it feels like.

But, really, any time away from Carlos would be too long.

*

Carlos’s five-year plan is simple: work hard, establish himself in the department and in his captain’s eyes, and make (or at least start the process of making) detective. His friends like to mock him for it; they say he’s turning into a workaholic and he needs to lighten up, that he’s going to forget how to have fun.

It’s stupid. Carlos knows how to have fun. He’s just not interested in the type of fun his friends usually mean.

Carlos isn’t a relationship guy.

He used to be, or he could have been had his first real relationship not blown up rather spectacularly when the parents issue came up. He can’t be the one to start this conversation again, so they’re at an impasse, and it’s not an obstacle Carlos feels comfortable removing right now. The avoidance is even comforting, now; it means he can still pretend that things are okay. 

Anyway, he figures that, while that’s the case, no guy is going to be willing to give him the time of day. And, sure, Carlos is open to being surprised. If love, somehow, appears in his life, and this guy, somehow, has no problem with Carlos’s ridiculous hang-ups, then he’ll happily eat his words.

He’s just not planning on it, is all.

He’s not planning (though he doesn’t know it yet) on TK Strand.

“I still don’t know how I let you talk me into this,” he grumbles, though he only makes a half-hearted attempt to get out of Lena’s grasp. His youngest-elder sister is famous in their family for always getting what she wants, and she can strong-arm anyone into anything. This was true of even their abuelo on their father’s side, who was a hard nut if one ever existed.

So it’s hardly surprising to Carlos that she’s succeeded in dragging him out to an open-mic night on his evening off, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it.

“Stop whining, Carlitos,” Lena huffs, smirking as he rolls his eyes at the nickname. “No one ‘talked’ you into anything; you want to be here and I can tell.”

“I really don’t.”

“You really do.” She speeds up and Carlos has no choice but to let her drag him through the bar, lest he get swallowed by the crowd around them. Hopefully, he’ll be able to sneak out before it gets too late, but he’ll play along for now — at least that way she won’t be able to say he didn’t try.

An hour in, he’s seriously regretting that decision. Most of the singers are drunk and so out-of-tune that Carlos thinks his ears will be ringing for days, the beer is warm and overpriced, and Lena abandoned him at the table fifteen minutes ago to talk to a couple of friends she spotted.

Carlos would use that fact as an out, but she’d asked him to watch her drink and, as both a cop and her brother, he can’t in good conscience leave.

So he remains, sipping at bottom-of-the-barrel beer and fantasising about his bed. He’s barely aware of it when a hush starts to fall over the bar, too in his head and regretting his decisions to bother with this whole thing. It’s been fairly loud all night, most of the crowd not even really quieting for the performers.

Until now.

Now, the bar is near silent, with most turning toward the stage for the first time all night. It draws Carlos’s attention to the stage where a guy who looks to be about his age is just starting to sing. He’s attractive, Carlos won’t deny noticing it, with bright green eyes and a smile that could probably charm even the most hardened criminals into telling the truth. He actually looks kind of familiar, come to think of it, but all thoughts of the man’s identity are knocked from Carlos’s head as his voice starts to wash over the bar.

King of shadows,

King of shades…

Carlos stops focusing on the lyrics and lets himself be carried away by the mystery singer’s voice. It’s as though he’s put a spell over the bar; even the bartender has ceased polishing glasses and is staring at the man on the stage. The song has a haunting melody, beautiful and lilting, and, though he’d never even heard it before this moment, Carlos finds he can’t imagine it being sung by anybody else.

This song was made for him; he was made for it. 

Maybe it’s the singer’s manner. His eyes are closed and there’s a small, private smile on his face, as though he’s forgotten he’s in front of an audience. He sways in time to the rhythm, his fingers moving expertly across the strings of his guitar. It’s this that captures Carlos’s attention the most — he doesn’t know why, but he finds himself lost in the moment. All he sees is those skilled hands; all he hears is that gentle voice and the beautiful notes of the song.

Then, suddenly, silence falls again.

It takes a moment for Carlos to pull himself out of his stupor, and by that point, the singer is already giving his thanks and walking off the stage. Someone else takes his place, and just like the flipping of a switch, everything goes back to how it was. Another out-of-tune voice fills the bar, loud shouts start to drown it out, and the crowd, so still a minute ago, is once again almost suffocating with how close the bodies press in.

Carlos isn’t entirely sure he didn’t dream the entire thing. He tries pinching his arm to check, but it turns out there’s no need; he’s very abruptly reminded of reality when Lena suddenly grabs his shoulders from behind, making him jump.

“Do you mind?” he demands, the grouch firmly back in place.

Lena just winks at him and leans to whisper in his ear. “Told you you’d like it here.”

His cheeks flame, but Lena is gone before he can get any stammered protests out.

*

He’s missed this.

It’s a strange thought to have, TK realises — he sees his husband almost every day, shifts allowing — but it’s true nonetheless. He’s missed watching Carlos bustle around the kitchen, whistling a soft little tune and juggling more pots and pans than the TK of a few years ago would have believed were needed for breakfast.

That’s the least of the things that have changed since he met Carlos; the TK of a few years ago would never have believed that one day he would have mornings like this in the home he shares with the love of his life — a man who accepts him for everything he is and isn’t.

The TK of a few years ago was more likely to end up dead in a ditch than with all of this.

But he does have this, and so TK takes a moment to bask in it, to soothe this strange feeling in his chest. He leans against the bedroom door frame, a small smile growing on his face as he watches Carlos, who is still oblivious to his presence. 

The ache flares up again and TK rubs at it, but it just continues to grow, stealing his breath and sending a chill over him. TK closes his eyes and shakes his head, hoping it will knock this sudden sensation of wrongness from him, but it doesn’t work, and when he opens his eyes…

When he opens his eyes…

Carlos is gone.

*

He can’t get the singer out of his head.

Carlos doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. This isn’t him. He doesn’t fall in love with guys at first sight — fuck, he doesn’t even think be believes in love at first sight. But ever since he went to that bar with Lena, his thoughts have been filled with flashes of green eyes around every corner and soft strums of a guitar in every song.

And, speaking of songs, he can’t find the one the guy sang at the bar. It apparently doesn’t exist outside of those three minutes, which is not helping to dissuade him from his theory that he was hallucinating or dreaming or — or something. 

Except, his heart lurches in a very real way every time he thinks about the stranger, and Carlos isn’t sure he could have dreamed up a guy like that. 

Then, there is the fact that Lena is taking every opportunity to tease, which is something Carlos wishes he was dreaming. It’s inescapable; when she can’t get to him in person, she’s blowing up his phone in every way she knows how, asking how the ‘love of his life’ is doing and when the wedding will be.

Carlos tries to ignore her — this is generally the best tack to take with Lena. If he lets her see for a second that she might even be slightly right she’ll become unbearable. 

It’s just a crush though, or that’s what it’s going to be. Austin may be a small town, but it isn’t that small; his chances of ever seeing the guy again are below zero, and his chances of talking to him are even lower. 

It’s a thought that helps him in his quest to forget the singer. Though Carlos knows that haunting melody will stay with him for a long time yet, he can make his peace with this, at least, remaining a mystery.

Then the storm hits.

*

“Babe?”

TK blinks and Carlos is in front of him again. He gapes at him and blinks again, and again, finally reaching out to touch him. Carlos’s chest is solid under TK’s hand, just as it always has been, and it stays that way when TK collapses into him, his heart finally slowing from the rabbit’s pace that came when Carlos disappeared.

Carlos’s hands come up to hold TK, but there’s a hesitancy to them that belies the frown that must be on his face. “Babe?” he repeats, more worried this time. “Are you okay?”

TK nods into the crook of Carlos’s neck. “I am, now that you're back.”

“Back? When did I leave?”

TK pulls away, though he refuses to let go of Carlos just yet. There’s this feeling inside him, inexplicable, that if he moves away now, he’ll never see his husband again. That Carlos will vanish, and never return.

His silence is obviously worrying Carlos, so TK pastes a smile on and leans in to press a kiss to his cheek. It’s a stupid thought anyway; Carlos would never just leave him like that. That’s always been TK’s move.

“Nothing,” he says. “For a minute, I thought… It’s nothing. Guess I’m still half asleep.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow, so much fondness in his expression that it aggravates the ache. It’s like a longing, but it can’t be, because all TK longs for is right here in front of him. 

“You do realise it’s nearly twelve, right?”

He shouldn’t be surprised. He’s never been an early riser on his days off, but Carlos’s words still catch him off guard. He could have sworn…

Carlos laughs and finally detaches TK from him, pulling him out of his thoughts. TK mourns the loss of contact, but he tries not to focus on just how deep that loss seems to feel, instead trailing after Carlos and instantly latching back on as soon as he stops in front of the stove.

“Clingy this morning, are we?”

TK isn’t sure himself what the mumble that escapes his mouth is supposed to mean, but Carlos doesn’t object when he holds on tighter.

TK relaxes into his husband, and he wishes they could stay this way forever.

*

Carlos keeps his hood up and his head ducked, shivering as cold drops of rain still manage to work their way underneath his clothes. The weather took a turn a few days ago, scorching hot sunshine suddenly becoming bullet-like rain and winds so strong it sometimes feels like he’s going to fall over. 

He still has his job to do, of course, but fortunately his only job at this scene in particular is to keep the public and press back — something that’s a lot easier than normal; even Fox News doesn’t want to risk potentially losing a reporter for a bit of gossip. So Carlos is able to stand at the edge of the scene, mind on the warm coffee he has waiting for him back at the precinct, and feeling more than a little bit sorry for himself.

That is until Lexi grabs his shoulder and snaps him out of it, directing his attention to an argument that’s apparently broken out between a patient and one of the paramedics. He can’t hear what’s being said over the storm, but the body language is enough to know that the argument is heated and the patient is showing no signs of calming down.

The guy takes another step forward; the paramedic one back. Carlos groans — why can’t people just be grateful for their help — and strides forward, covering the distance as quickly as possible.

“Excuse me, sir,” he says, muscling his way between the paramedic and the patient. “Is there a problem here?”

“Yeah. Yeah, there is a damn problem.” The man glares around Carlos, presumably at where the paramedic is. “The problem is that this bastard is trying to force himself on me.”

Carlos raises a brow.  “That’s quite a serious allegation, sir. Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m fucking sure! Ask him!”

He turns to the paramedic, who looks at him wearily and holds up a wad of now soaked gauze. “He cut himself on some glass; I was just trying to help.”

“And I told you no!” The man lunges forward again, causing Carlos to stumble a little bit as he tries to hold him back. The paramedic has backed off completely now, but Carlos feels no real need to pursue him; the concern radiating from him and the untreated gash he can now see on the patient’s arm indicate that he was telling the truth. 

Not that the patient is doing much — or anything — to discredit him, either. He puts his full weight into Carlos, screaming about waste of my time and healthcare costs and anything else he can seem to think of. It takes a while, and a lot of self-control, to get the guy to listen to him, and by then Carlos is more drenched than he ever thought he could be, and thoroughly out of patience to boot.

He wants to just stomp off to the cruiser and get on with the miserable journey back, but he’s stopped quite literally in his tracks by a voice calling him. 

“Officer! Hey, Officer!”

He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, making sure a pleasant smile is on his face when he turns back around. 

To find the paramedic he’d helped standing barely a foot from him, and Carlos feels like he’s been punched in the chest.

Because, it’s…

Well, it’s him.

It sounds ridiculous and clichéd, but Carlos knows it to be true anyway; he would recognise those eyes anywhere. They’ve been living in his mind for weeks, this pretty, sparkling green that he’s certain he’s never seen in any other person. The smile, too — gentle, but slightly crooked — is familiar, and suddenly it hits him like a bolt out of the blue.

Of course the singer at the bar had been familiar to him.

Carlos works with firehouses all around town, but the 126, which this paramedic clearly belongs to, is kind of a legend in Austin. Brought back from tragedy, spearheaded by a new, fancy captain, filled with transfers who all seem to individually attract more problems than entire firehouses put together.

Everyone knows who the 126 is.

Carlos isn’t really sure how he didn’t put the pieces together before, but he’s not given time to think on it. The paramedic — Strand, his chest patch reads — is starting to frown, probably a bit confused by the staring.

“Uh, Officer Reyes, right?” he says, laughing a little nervously. “I just wanted to thank you for what you did back there.”

Carlos blinks, mentally shaking himself. “Just doing my job.”

Strand smiles again, his gaze very obviously raking up and down Carlos’s body. “And doing it very well, if I may say so.”

He’ll deny this to anyone who asks; he’ll tell them it was just an effect of the cold. But, in reality, it’s Strand’s words that set off the hot flare on Carlos’s cheeks, making him suddenly feel like he’s burning up rather than standing in the middle of one of Austin’s worst thunderstorms in years.

“Um, I, ah—” He bites his lip and swallows — get it together, Reyes. “Happy to be of service.”

Because that sounded completely normal and not at all like he’d been strangled.

Whatever Strand was looking for earlier, he seems to have found it; he grins widely and reaches out to lightly touch Carlos’s arm. 

The shiver that runs through him at that action is just yet another effect of the cold. Or so he’ll say.

“Yeah,” Strand says, so quiet that Carlos swears he shouldn’t be able to hear it. “I’m TK, by the way. Maybe I’ll see you around, Reyes.”

Then, he gives Carlos one last grin and heads back to the ambulance, shaking himself like a wet dog before climbing into the driver’s seat.

It doesn’t occur to Carlos until the sirens are well off in the distance that he never gave TK his own name.

It’s ridiculous how quickly his crush grows from there. Carlos tries to remind himself that a relationship is not what he’s looking for, that he needs to be focusing on his career rather than an attractive guy who has the gift of charm and knows how to use it. 

Unfortunately, the TK Strand living in his brain doesn’t seem to get the memo.

“What is wrong with you?” Lena demands, slumping down next to him on the sofa and smacking his shoulder. 

They’re at Tía Lucy’s for the weekly Sunday dinner, and while Carlos normally enjoys these gatherings, it’s hard to be fully present when he can’t stop thinking about the glimpse he’d caught of TK yesterday. He’d been wearing his long-sleeved uniform shirt which looked too good to be real, and he was smiling and nodding along as the little girl he was treating rambled on at him. 

It had been painfully endearing, but maybe Carlos could have dealt with it if it hadn’t been for the Look. 

The girl apparently hadn’t needed a hospital, so when TK was done with her, she’d danced happily off to her mother. Not wanting to be caught staring, Carlos tried to pull his gaze away, but he hadn’t been quick enough. His eyes locked with TK’s, and he’d watched as a downright sinful smirk crept onto TK’s face, followed by a wink that set Carlos’s cheeks — and several other body parts — ablaze. 

But explaining all that to Lena would be a serious mistake, so he just shrugs, keeping his gaze fixed on the TV, though he doesn’t know for the life of him what the show is.

“Nothing’s up,” he says, but even he can tell that he doesn’t sound convincing.

Lena huffs. “Carlossssss,” she whines, like the dog with a bone that she is. “You’ve been acting weird for ages, and as your older sister I have a right to know why.”

“No, you don’t,” he corrects, but because Carlos knows she won’t let it go, he continues, “It’s just work stuff; you wouldn’t care.”

“Wrong.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow at her; it’s well-documented in their family that Lena does not and will not — in her words — give a singular shit about any part of her brother’s or father’s line of work. “So you suddenly care about my job now?”

“What? No.” She pulls a disgusted face, looking briefly offended that Carlos would even suggest that, before her expression returns to one of determination. “I meant, you’re obviously lying about it being about work. You always get really boring and serious whenever it’s that — more than usual, anyway — but now you just look kind of constipated.”

“Do not.”

“Do so.” Suddenly, Lena grins in a way Carlos definitely doesn’t like and leans in conspiratorially. “Is it about a boy?”

“And we’re done here.”

Carlos gets up, intending to remove himself as far away from his sister as he can — which is his next mistake.

“Oh my god, it is!” Lena shrieks, loud enough that it catches the attention of several other family members in the room. Thankfully, none of them are their parents and none of them seem inclined to carry on listening, but it still makes Carlos’s heart skip a beat in panic. He glares at his sister, and for once she actually looks contrite. She stands and follows him to the front porch, away from everyone else.

“Sorry,” she whispers. “You know I’d never—”

“I know,” he interrupts, smiling weakly in her direction. “Just, can you please drop this now?”

“Nope,” she says, because of course she does. “I won’t say anything in there, but you owe me more deets. Who is he? Where did you meet? What does he look like? Is he hot? When can I meet him?”

Carlos whips around, and he takes great pleasure in her indignation when he returns the smack from earlier. “Nobody’s meeting anybody,” he says firmly. “It’s just… It’s a stupid crush, alright? Nothing’s going to happen except for me getting over it.”

Lena nods at him, eyebrows raised condescendingly. “Mm-hmm, sure you will.” Then, at Carlos’s hard look, she sighs dramatically and flings her head back. “Come on, Carlos. Are you telling me you’re not going to even try to make a move?”

“I don’t need a relationship right now, Lena.”

“Okay?” She shakes her head at him, eyes wide with disbelief. “You don’t have to have one. Ever heard of friends with benefits? Or even just benefits, I mean, I don’t judge… Where are you going?”

Carlos doesn’t dignify her with a reply as he walks back into the house. He makes sure to spend the rest of the day away from Lena, and ignores all her glares and annoyed text messages, but it’s harder to ignore the thoughts she’s put in his head.

After all… What would really be the harm?

*

They’re curled up together on the couch, music playing softly in the background, when TK hears a soft chuckle come from above him. 

He cranes his neck to look at Carlos’s face, unable to keep from smiling at the fond look on his husband’s face. “What?”

Carlos sighs softly, almost wistfully, and kisses the top of TK’s head. “I was just thinking about that night at the open-mic.”

TK’s grin widens — the night in question doesn’t need specifying. It was the beginning of their relationship after all: the night that TK spotted Carlos in the crowd at the bar and went over to talk to him after his performance. 

One thing led to another, and TK woke up the next morning in a bed that was not his own with a real life Adonis snoring softly next to him. He had taken his time that morning to gaze over every visible inch of Carlos’s body — whose name he had finally found out in a breathy whisper as they made out in the bar’s bathroom — trying to commit it to memory. Probably a bit creepy in hindsight, but at the time TK was convinced that it would just be a one-time thing.

He had no idea he was lying right next to his future husband.

“That was a good night,” he says, settling his weight further back into Carlos. “The best.”

But then Carlos shifts upright, forcing TK to move from where he was actually very comfortable, thanks very much. He glares at Carlos, only to be met with a matching, albeit playful, one directed straight back at him.

“Five years together and our first night is still the best one for you?”

“Well.” TK pretends to consider and laughs at the mock offended look Carlos sends him. “Top five at least.”

Carlos huffs, but there’s a grin creeping across his face. He suddenly pulls TK back on top of him, hugging him tight, with an intensity that suggests it’s the last time he’ll ever get to do so. TK makes a noise of surprise, but when he’s recovered, he shifts to face Carlos and returns the hug, burying his head in his shoulder.

“This is nice,” he mumbles, eyes drifting shut. Carlos’s hand ghosts over his back softly — almost imperceptibly so.

“I just love you,” Carlos whispers, so quiet that TK struggles to hear him despite how close they are. “I always will, no matter what you choose.”

*

He doesn’t know how he got here.

Carlos is clearing out some drawer space and he doesn’t know how he got here.

It was supposed to be a hookup.

It was supposed to be a single night of fun, and now Carlos is clearing out a drawer for the boyfriend he somehow acquired along the way. The boyfriend who is sweet and kind and has the prettiest green eyes and the most amazing voice, and who didn’t even run when Carlos messed things up with his parents.

Or, well. The boyfriend who had run, but who also came back.

A drawer doesn’t really feel like enough for the man who is in Carlos’s home more often than not, but it’s only been a few months since they started dating seriously. And it’s not like there haven’t been bumps along the way; first his parents, then TK had confided in Carlos about his addiction, which had taken a while for him to fully understand, and things haven’t…

Objectively, logically, Carlos knows things haven’t been perfect.

But, oh, they have.

He never realised how lonely he was before TK entered his life. Sure, he had friends and he went out occasionally, but his mind was always elsewhere, always on the next thing, always on the job and how he can do better, be better.

Then he brought a hot paramedic-singer home with him, and suddenly found himself with a whole other family.

TK’s friends are loud and every bit as much trouble as their reputation says, and they immediately adopt Carlos into the fold. Sometimes, it’s hard to remember that they were TK’s friends first; Paul has a habit of stopping by occasionally with food and seems to know everything about Carlos, despite Carlos being fairly sure he never explicitly told Paul half of it.

Mateo instantly takes on the role of the younger brother Carlos never had and his exuberance is infectious wherever he goes. Marjan and Nancy are both slightly intimidating at first, but they drop the act pretty quickly; Nancy actually ends up becoming one of his best friends.

It’s during one of their now weekly game nights that it strikes him how different his life is to a few months ago. And then the second realisation — he loves it.

Carlos always thought he liked his life as it was. He didn’t think he was missing anything or needed more than what he had. But now he has a whole other family, and a boyfriend his parents love, and a half-empty drawer in his bedroom that he’s already thinking about turning into half a closet.

And he’s happy.

TK Strand came into his life in a whirlwind, and, for once, Carlos is content to let himself get carried away by it.

But the thing about whirlwinds is, if you’re not careful, they might become a tornado.

*

He tries not to let Carlos’s comment get to him. Something about this whole day has felt off, almost like it’s… Well, like it’s too perfect. TK doesn’t even know what time it is; there are no clocks in sight and he can’t find either of their phones or watches anywhere. Carlos said it was noon when he woke up, but it’s like the sun hasn’t so much as twitched since then, like time has stopped completely. And Carlos is just… He’s too perfect, too. Unsettlingly so.

Of course, if anyone asked TK, he would immediately say that Carlos is the perfect man. It wouldn’t be a lie either because he is perfect for TK, but the Carlos he has before him now isn’t his Carlos.

He smiles the same and walks the same and his body feels the same as it always has, but there’s something nagging at TK, telling him that all of this is too good to be true. Even the loft feels wrong somehow.

“Babe?” he says quietly, because the knot of anxiety in his chest telling him that this isn’t where he’s supposed to be is too great to ignore, even as his brain screams at him to let things be. “Is everything… Are we…” He huffs, frustrated; he’s never been the best at articulating his feelings, but this time it’s just impossible.

Literally — every time TK tries to come up with the words, he draws a complete blank.

Carlos frowns. “Are we what?” he asks, his voice so soft and caring and Carlos that TK almost tells him it’s nothing.

The word is halfway out of his mouth, in fact, when he manages to catch himself. “I don’t… Is there something we’re supposed to do today? I feel like I’ve forgotten something.”

Carlos’s face clears and he smiles sympathetically, as if this is a regular occurrence for them. And, okay, TK will admit that he does have a slight tendency to be forgetful, but he’s not this bad, right?

“You haven’t forgotten anything,” Carlos soothes — soothes? — as he strokes TK’s cheek. He must read the confusion on TK’s face as something else, because he follows up with, “Don’t be embarrassed, the doctor said memory loss was to be expected, remember? It’s okay.”

If Carlos says anything else, TK doesn’t hear it. A wave of static fills his senses and he feels suddenly off balance, like the loft is literally disintegrating around him. He pushes away from Carlos’s embrace and lurches to his feet, breathing heavily as he tries to centre himself again.

“What are you talking about?” he gasps. “Doctor…memory loss…what… What is this?”

He searches his memories for something that could explain this, but again and again he comes up empty. He can’t remember anything. And it’s not that he doesn’t have memories — he remembers his life in broad strokes, he remembers meeting Carlos and their wedding day and the last vacation they went on — but yesterday, last week, last month, even, is entirely a blank.

He doesn’t remember anything.

“Tyler,” a voice says, Carlos’s he thinks, but he’s suddenly not sure because a cacophony of beeping has started in his brain and there’s yelling coming from somewhere and hands grabbing him and—

[actual-sleeping-beauty]

evidence of a life that’s been loved

This is a canon divergent fic where Owen is not invited to the dinner in 2x11, because it’s just for Carlos’ parents to meet TK. It’s mostly from Andrea’s POV, with a slice of Carlos. Hurt/no comfort for Andrea! Not for Carlos and TK though, they’re doing okay.

I thought a LOT about the Reyes family dynamics, both linguistic and interpersonal, for this, and I really like how it turned out. Sometimes you just gotta air out your mommy issues through your blorbo. Apologies to my beta who felt attacked (ily ella).

Carlos has always been careful with his words, but Andrea can’t remember the last time he was this hesitant. It’s like he thought about all the different ways he could say this and didn’t make a decision before he started talking.

“So, would you be able to come over for dinner this week? TK and I both have off Wednesday and Friday, and Saturday night.” He isn’t fidgeting, but he’s clenching his interlaced fingers so hard he may as well be.

“I think we could make Wednesday work. We don’t have plans, do we? Andrea?” She realizes with a start that Gabriel is turned toward her, he and Carlos both waiting for her to answer.

“No, Wednesday should be fine.” Some color drains from the ends of Carlos’ fingers.

Read more on AO3

[paperstorm]

Wait I want to hear the thousand year rant about the scene in s1e3 👀 If you feel like sharing. No pressure!

TK slams his glass of water down so hard onto the table that it sloshes out. The kitten is big mad. His brag about saving someone from the Crysler Building, lol okay sweetheart we see you. You're mad but you also want Carlos to think you're impressive, and relatable tbh, Carlos is a snack and a half and I would also want him to like me. Carlos's "if I was a less secure MAN" and the face he makes idk that's just so funny to me but also so stupidly sexy. And also fascinating because Carlos is kind of not a super secure man? Like in some ways he is, he's very confident and direct, but also he's so hung up on the fact that he thinks his dad thinks he's soft, right. Like he doesn't think his father thinks he's good enough, or tough enough or manly enough, and he lowkey thinks Gabriel thinks that because Carlos is gay, and that's kind of a massive issue for him. I guess probably the show didn't know that at this time, it's such an early episode and I'm positive they don't put as much thought into these things as we do lol because they're just doing their jobs meanwhile we (I) am over here losing our minds over every tiny detail. But still. Also the fact that Carlos had to work up the nerve to ask him out idk that's just so freaking sweet. That part of the line gets me every single time. Carlos liked him SO MUCH right from the very beginning. Carlos has one of those hopeless romantic hearts and he saw TK and just went "that one. him. that one's mine." TK just FUMING, the feral cat is absolutely furious but also kind of in the wrong here, and Carlos calling him on it. I LOVE a relationship where one person is used to getting their way and the other one just comes in like a bulldozer and holds up a mirror to them. One of the best things Carlos does for TK is allow TK to truly see himself. Carlos doesn't let him get away with his shit. He loves him, but he holds him accountable, and TK needed that. I headcanon that TK had very ... let's say indulgent parents lol. Owen was the absent father who probably showed up now and then with a bunch of presents, and Gwyn strikes me as a very "my baby has never done anything wrong in his life" type of mother, at least when TK was little. TK really is used to getting absolutely anything he wants and used to being a brat and Carlos doesn't let him and I love that. TK grows up so much through their relationship. And then obviously the 'and I'm packing a piece' line LIKE. I am obsessed, OBSESSED, with the way Ronen plays that moment. It's like 3 seconds but you can see like 8 different emotions pass over his face. The way he just stops in his tracks, his whole tantrum completely forgotten. The way he sort of looks down a little bit, like he's going "... where. Where is it tho. I've been with you all night how did I not know you have a gun on you. Where is it Carlos." The way you can see him almost surprised by the fact that he's so instantly turned on?? This man is a liberal gay from Manhattan he didn't ever think he would find a gun sexy but in this moment he does and it fully catches him off guard. The way Carlos can so easily disarm him with just a few quipped words??? TK is so shocked by it, he's so used to being in control I think and Carlos takes that away from him and it surprises him but he's so into it. TK in this moment is still in the headspace of not really WANTING to like Carlos, but boy does he. He was all up on his bitchy high horse and then Carlos said five words and TK just started hearing circus music in his head. See it is a mistake to get me going. I have a lot of thoughts and I really need to be told to be quiet.

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Tarlos Meta - Lone Star 304

My brain is finally back online after that Tarlos scene in Lone Star (ep 304) on Monday. Just. Wow.

Aside from the amazing performance by Rafael Silva. Like seriously. Phenomenal. I’ve been thinking about the way TK’s waking up process unfolded.

The character dev set up for the season makes it clear that TK’s issue this season is about stepping into his own power and control over his own life. He started that work in the beginning of the series by letting himself love Carlos and also later down the line switching from fire to being an emt. But i think there’s still a part of TK that doesn’t truly feel in control and is also tired of having to be “rescued” by others. We all need help sometimes but I think it’s starting to bother him because he wants to stand on his own more in various ways.

Anyway the hospital life support symbolism speaks directly to TK’s core issues/worries around regaining control of himself and on his own terms. His body literally has to come back on line so he can breathe/function on his own. He has to do the same thing figuratively too and his relationship with Carlos is going to be an interesting ICU for that process. I think plenty of drama is going to unfold with his parents too (but frankly I’m way less interested in that aspect 👀).

So I don’t think it was an accident that when TK wakes up he tries to pull the breathing tube out on his own. He wants control now. But the audience and Carlos know that ripping the tube out himself will do more damage; it has to be removed properly/slowly. That’s why I thought it was a great decision to have Carlos pull TK’s hands away from the tube when TK was waking up.

Carlos is swooping in the protect him and it’s also interference in a way because Carlos didn’t then immediately let the medical team take over. Carlos had to be removed from the room before TK could fully take control of his own life functions. Carlos isn’t completely gone during that time though because they love each other obvi. He’s just outside watching and waiting while TK regains control. TK literally and figuratively needed breathing room.

It’ll be interesting to see over the course of the season what “everything was perfect”, “sweet power move”, “you’re such a control freak”, “crushing disappointment”, “without telling me”, etc really mean to Tarlos and how they navigate all of it since Carlos is legit minimizing the control freak power move issues that TK started to express concerns about AND they really are wildly in love with each other.

I love the whole 304 scene tho because it is symbolic of what happened during the midseason time jump and it’s symbolic of the work that TK & Tarlos still have to do so that TK can truly feel like he’s in charge of his own life. I think we catch a glimpse of some interesting potential dynamics in the scene too because once TK can breathe he communicates that. The role shifts and he helps Carlos to breathe…to see that he (TK) is okay individually AND they’re okay as a couple. I’m speculating but I think Carlos is (past and present) maybe more anxious or insecure in the relationship than he lets on. The stated perfectionism and fear of letting people down are real for Carlos and i think they have an impact on him in big ways. As Tarlos push and pull through the season, I wonder if that’s a thing and if tptb will delve into any of that. It feels like there’s more to all of this from Carlos’ side too and he’s maybe hiding some fears???

Yeah this post got long. Anyway some exciting and interesting times to come in the Tarlosverse!

[beautifulhigh]

I'm catching up on Tumblr - some rare downtime on this holiday which is supposed to be all about me having downtime! - so I'm pretty sure it's not fic writer appreciation day anymore. But every day should be fic writer appreciation day so there's that.

I was tagged by @sapphire11​ who is a gem for still tagging me in things, even when I take an age to get around to them.

My favourite five of my fics

1. The tender things are those we fold away (911 Lone Star, Tarlos)

That had been a surprise, a good one. An amazing one, really, and something Carlos had privately cherished for years. New York Firefly became someone who had made a difference to his life and Carlos would carry that gratitude with him for the rest of his life, along with the knowledge that this was some random guy on the internet who posted pictures and videos on a website which was infamous for its explicit content. He was some firefighter in New York, being himself and being amazing while doing it.

Except he wasn't.

New York Firefly, the man who'd changed Carlos' whole life and outlook without even realising it, was TK Strand and he was sitting in Carlos' living room.

And Carlos wasn't quite sure how he was still remembering to breathe.

The fic I wrote in a week because the Discord crew made a comment about TK having an Only Fans account. This was so much fun to write and I loved playing in the season 1 timeline.

2. Life, believe, is not a dream, so dark as sages say (911 Lone Star, 126 fire fam with a side of Tarlos)

Carlos had gotten to know TK intimately well over the last few years, in more ways than one. He knew how to read the slope of his shoulders to know if he was angry, sad, or overwhelmed. He knew how his mouth quirked up when he was teasing or playful or flirty, he knew how his chest flared with pride or defiance. He had seen him suffering and joyous and every emotion in between. Even from halfway across the room, seeped in the situation they were, he could read TK. He knew that look of horror and realisation, knew that TK understood something that he didn't.

He wished they could talk, swap notes on the situation. They were always better problem solving together, even when the issue wasn't in the other's area of expertise. TK had listened to Carlos talk through situations and cases he'd been involved with over the years; Carlos had listened while TK had talked about procedures and treatment options for patients in the field. They'd learned from each other in that time which had been half the reason he'd been confident to help treat Kyle's wound.

He wondered if TK had a plan, or an idea of what was coming next. If they could talk then maybe they could work it out, he could help or do something to get everyone out of here. The itch within him to help was almost unbearable: he was more than his career but it was also part of who he was.

He wondered if TK was as scared for him, as he was for TK.

Ah, the bank fic. God this one was hard going but it was so much fun to publish it and to see people enjoy the action and drama. I loved working out how each of the characters could play to their strengths, how they could work together, all when they weren’t able to talk to each other.

3. In the burned house I am eating breakfast (911 Lone Star, Tarlos - Carlos centric)

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Carlos says, his eyes wide with fear. “I’m not ready for people to know but you were going on about us maybe getting together and I love you but not like that and I couldn’t not tell you and—”

“Carlos, it’s OK,” Jessica says. “I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you think your parents will OK with it?”

“I think so,” he says. “I hope so.”

Jessica leans in and gives him a hug but she doesn’t smell like he remembers. She smells of smoke and something metallic and she’s cold and hard to the touch.

“You need to work out what you want,” she says in a voice that isn’t hers.

God the love I have for this fic is feral. Rafa made the comment about wanting Carlos getting hurt on the way to the wedding, we all want a Carlos Begins, and my brain went “hey, how about we have them both?” and this was the result. Written in one day because the idea was just there, fully formed, and I just love it. A lot.

4. Rumours (Emmerdale, Robron)

"No.  Pat... my real mum, she was Divinus.  The crash killed her outright, that's why she died, and she never got a chance to tell Dad what I was.  But Mum – Sarah – she knew.  She saw some of the symptoms I guess.  She cut her hand on a knife and I just... fixed it.  Didn't think twice about it apparently, just held her hand and fixed it.  I don't remember much about what I did, but I just remember looking at the cut on her finger and seeing what the problem was, knowing I could put things back together.

"After that she took me to the doctor's and they confirmed it."

"You make it sound like an illness: symptoms and doctors."

"Curse more like," Robert said sadly.  "This isn't something I wanted, Aaron. I've worked so hard to not let this define who I am.  I don't want to be the Divinus everyone says they know, I don't want people to see me as a commodity or a secret weapon.  But like I said to you yesterday, I just want to be myself now, with you.  And this is who I am.  What I am."

My Emmerdale Big Bang fic and the longest one I’ve ever written. The world building I did for this fic, the detail and planning that went into it, the fact that so many places in this fic (especially the places in Ireland where I am right now) are real places. I put months into this fic and I’m still really proud of it.

5. Exponential (Emmerdale, Robron with a Robert focus)

6.

"Why do I feel like you're always hiding something?" she asks.

"Because you don't trust me," Robert replies.  "And without trust we can't survive."

It's always easier when it's always their fault.

Speaking of being proud of a fic, this one was the most technically challenging. I remember driving to work one morning, mulling over the concept I had of writing a fic to explore Robert’s bisexuality and the impact it had on him and his relationships over the years. And then I had this line about how his love for Aaron just kept growing exponentially. Which then turned into a structural idea where each part would have a word count double of the last part. And so it went, exponentially.

Since I’m super late to this I’m giving YOU the excuse you want to post the five fics of your own that you love. Yes, you. Go for it, you wonderful writer you.