#working on making a barrel pond this week

[austerulous]

It’s been a (good) busy the past few days.

[enjoy-the-butterf1ies]

The Garden: A Story of a Stable Boy And a Princess- Chapter One

Pairing: Lando Norris × Princess! Reader

Summary: Royalty AU. In which a small town stable boy with big dreams falls for the princess of F1 Kingdom. Will the stars align for such an unlikely pair?

Things to know: This is a fantasy/royalty AU so it's placed in the olden times! The setting of our story is F1 Kingdom; and in replace of F1 racing we have horse racing instead. So it's the same concept as F1 but on horses rather than cars. Each team (Mclaren, Ferrari, Alpine, Redbull, etc.) represents a different village in the kingdom. And that's the gist of what you need to know! Hope you enjoy!

Chapter Summary: The last thing princess y/n expected on her day out was to nearly be trampled by a horse- and it’s rather cute owner.

Warnings: Cussing, (very light) mention of death of parent, probably typos.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Being F1 kingdom’s princess came with a lot of responsibilities. Approve a court order, attend a meeting with a kingdom overseas, discuss how to feed the poorer citizens of your country. And somehow squeeze in a 3 pm dress fitting on top of all that.

That’s why you enjoyed your days off more than usual.

As much as you loved being a part of the royal family, it was indeed taxing work. The happiness of your citizens fell onto your shoulders and if you were unable to meet their requirements, they could surely turn on you within a week. Your father had prepared you for these tasks growing up- ever since he realized how unlikely it was for mother to make it to your adulthood.

And with your coronation in short of 3 months, you were more than prepared to take role as the queen of F1 Kingdom.

This kingdom meant everything to you. Your focus was purely on each village, from Ferrari to Williams, you loved each one the same. There wasn’t a thought on your mind aside from your role as princess.

Well, that was until you met him.

You lie in the grass of the royal garden, reading your favorite book.

On the days you had even a single resting moment, you would come to the garden. Something about the flowers comforted you- from orchids to peonies and hydrangeas to daisies- you would never tire of their colorful petals and comforting aroma. You enjoyed sitting at the fountain, running your fingers through the water and feeding the kind koi fish. On top of the fountain lay a grand statue of the castle, your home ever since you were born. A pond in the distance was home to many amphibians, their croaks like a song to your ears.

And the times when you were lucky to see a rabbit hopping through the grass or a caterpillar crawling amongst the bushes were especially exciting. You felt at peace out here.

Peace was a gift when you were a princess.

The garden was rather private, with walls blocking the outside world from getting in. Part of you was thankful for that, you couldn’t bear if anything were to happen to your safe space. It was adjacent from the stables and you could spot the window to your room from where you were sitting; but other than that, this garden was all yours.

You roll over on your stomach, flipping to another page in your book. Peace. You loved that word.

That’s when you heard it.

“WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!! Yield horse, yield!!”

A shout. A rather panicked shout that started it all.

Your reflexes kicked in immediately, jumping to your feet and looking around for whoever was there. You suddenly saw a horse barreling out of the stables and towards you. Someone seemed to be atop the stallion.

“WATCH OUT!!”

And watch out you did, frantically hopping out of the way and dodging behind the fountain. You let out a yelp as the horse ran faster through the garden. You were safe, but it was too late for your favorite rose bush to be spared. The mysterious horse and it’s rider trampled over the shrub, scarlet petals falling to the ground like teardrops from your eyes. You gasped witnessing the scene in front of you.

Finally, after what could’ve easily been your untimely death, the charger stopped. The horse was as black as midnight and one of the tallest steeds you had ever seen. If you hadn’t nearly been killed by the reckless animal, you would’ve found it beautiful.

Speaking of reckless.

A young man hopped off the stallion, hand over his heart. His eyes were wide, petrified even- as if he was the one who was almost run over.

His dark curls bounced as he frantically jogged over to you, and you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t a sight to look at. Loose white collar shirt tucked into his trousers, sweat painting his chest and forehead. A few of the curls stuck to the sides of his head and scruff decorated his rather sharp jawline.

Despite the way your heart lept from your chest, you were furious.

“You absolute buffoon!!” Was the first thing from your lips. You stomped over to him, finger in his face. “How idiotic do you have to race through this garden? My private garden, mind you! Do you even have a brain?!”

The man was silent, staring at you with wide eyes. This only fueled your madness. You ran over to the squashed rose bush, a cry escaping you. “Oh, my poor roses!” You gasped, kneeling down next to the crime scene. You felt the man’s presence behind you. “I could have you beheaded!!” You weren’t sure if you actually meant that or not. The wilted leaves lay miserably, and with it, your heart.

“My princess…” You heard him whisper. He had a sweet accent and part of you wondered where he was from. But that should be the last thing on your mind.

Brows furrowed, you stood up to face him. When you turned around he was kneeling in front of you, head hung low. At this scene, you shuffled on your feet awkwardly. You never did like the whole bowing thing.

“My flowers are ruined because of you and that horse,” Was all you said. It may seem silly to him but you didn’t care. That garden meant more than life itself to you.

The man stood up, guilt written on his face. He could barely meet your gaze. “My sincerest apologies,” He said, hand to his heart. “Arrow- er, the horse- got loose and I had no way of stopping him. He is one of the wildest ones.”

You crossed your arms. “You work in the stables?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Yes madame,”

“Do a better job.”

To your surprise, he let out a light chuckle. You had just given him an order and he is laughing. You sucked your teeth and glared at him.

“Pardon my ignorance princess, please,” He said, a smile tugging the corner of his lips. You couldn’t help but fight off a grin as well. “It happens to be my first day and I’ve already made a grand impression haven’t I?”

Your head turned to look at the horse, who had found a lovely patch of grass to chew on. You couldn’t help but relax your shoulders at the sight. Somehow, with the cheeky grin of this unnamed stable boy, you felt at ease. “He is rather beautiful, I must say,” You whispered, giving the man a soft smile.

The man’s eyes lit up. “Arrow is one of the finest in the stable,” He said proudly. “That is, when he does not run away.”

You chuckle. You quite liked his eyes. “I suppose I’ll spare you from a beheading today,” You joked. “Despite the chaos you managed to stop- Arrow, was it? From hurting me. For that I am grateful.” You curtsied and bowed your head in thanks.

“Oh princess, I should have never let him out in the first place,” He said sheepishly. You could see his cheeks heating up.

You giggled and you swore you could’ve seen him smile even wider at the sound. “That is true,” You shrugged. “Why was he out, may I ask?” You were genuinely curious. Typically, the stable boys were only there to do the dirty barn work. Horses were removed if they were needed, and it didn’t quite seem like Arrow had a job a moment ago.

The man rubbed the back of his neck shyly. “A rather stupid reason, I admit.” He muttered. “I can be brainless at times.”

You laughed. “We have already confirmed that, haven’t we?” You said. He grinned at you.

“Well, when you put it that way.”

His smile made you smile. You had no idea why.

“I have this dream of racing in Formula One someday,” He admitted, almost ashamed. “I hope nothing more than to ride the fastest horses in the kingdom, passing the finish line for my home village. I thought I would get a bit of practice in during my stable work… Clearly I have been in over my head.”

“Home village?”

“Mclaren.”

You found the corners of your lips upturning. “My favorite F1 team,” You chuckled. His eyes twinkled brighter than any star you had ever seen. “What is your name? Or should I continue to call you stable boy?”

Stable boy laughed at that and your heart swelled. “As nice of a ring ‘stable boy’ holds, my name is Lando. Lando Norris.” He held out his hand. You took it, and he kissed it, politely bowing once again. “And you are the most etheral sight in this garden, I must admit.”

“Oh, you flatter me,” You blushed deeply. In all the years of being princess, admirers from all over the world would fight for your affection. Princes, sultans, emperors, even. None of them deserved even a second of your day, despite how much your father pushed for you to marry. You were focused on your work, and nothing was to get in the way of that.

It also didn’t help that none of these rich men made your heart flutter like this stable boy did.

“I only speak the truth Princess Y/N,” Lando said, smirking. Your name fell from his tongue like velvet. You wish you could wipe that smirk off his face. “I do however feel horrible about your roses… They were second to your beauty.”

You bit your lip sadly, looking over at the ruined bush. “I did love them,” You whispered. Lando gave you a solemn look. “But I shall take time out of my schedule to plant them once again, I love a good project.” You had no idea when you would have free time again. Just the thought stressed you out horribly, but you tried to hide it.

“You are a busy woman,”

“Indeed,”

He sighed, shoulders slumped. It was clear he felt very guilty. Your eyes trailed over to Arrow once again, who was occupied with another fresh patch of grass. You grinned. “It seems as though Arrow just needed to get out of the stables for a bit,” You said to Lando, hoping to change the topic. The roses were an issue for another day.

Lando smiled thankfully. “He and I are one in the same in that way,” He whispered, staring at the stallion. You coked your head to the side in confusion.

“You don’t enjoy the barn?”

“Oh princess, would anyone enjoy the barn?”

You smiled slightly. “I suppose you’re right,”

“I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to work for this family, do not misread me,” He quickly followed up. “But I feel as though I am meant to do more. I work from pay day to pay day, scooping waste and hardly making it by. I dream of a life far different from this.”

His story tugged at your heart with every word. You knew he could easily be saying this for pity, a raise- anything to benefit himself. But you didn’t believe that thought. You couldn’t.

Growing up you were always good at reading people like a book. Your father said it’s what makes you such a good leader- but you like to think it’s for a bundle of other reasons too.

Lando is a bit harder to read, and that intrigued you. He seemed like a complex man with a fine mind and future ahead of him. What seemed as a reckless stable boy at first turned out to be a kind gentleman with hope, and that was the last thing you had expected.

Suddenly, his laugh knocked you out of your thoughts. “I am so so sorry princess Y/N,” He chuckled, hand over his heart. You remained silent, confused as to why he was laughing. What a mystery, he was. “Here I am pouring my problems out on you when I have completely messed up your entire day. I apologize deeply. I get carried away sometimes. I will grab Arrow and you will never be bothered by us again, I can swear on that.”

He then started retrieve the stallion and you gasped. “Wait, Lando!” You interrupted him, more frantic than you would’ve liked to admit. You probably seemed insane. Nevertheless he turned around with an eyebrow cocked and a dorky grin on his lips. That hypnotizing grin. “Walk with me, I would like to show you something.”

He seemed confused by this. “If I am missing from work any longer I am sure there will be repercussions-“

“Screw the repercussions, I will see as though nothing will happen to you,” You cut him off and started walking towards the sight you wanted to show. You were almost as shocked at your own words as Lando was.

“Well, I can see why you are so beloved, Princess,” He said excitedly, jogging after you. “You are quite surprising. In the best way, of course.”

You tried to fight off the intense blush that followed his words.

You led him through a short passageway covered in vines. You could see him out of the corner of your eyes, messing with the leaves. You smiled internally and led him to a patch of dirt and weeds.

“Here,” You said, pointing to the sight.

Lando sucked in a breath. “Oh, I- uh, that is incredible. Very grassy, and uh- weeds. I do love weeds.” He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

God. He was adorable

You squatted down, motioning for him to join you. He did, and you showed him a small floret growing atop one of the stems. “Look at this,” You whispered.

He squinted his eyes and nodded. “It is a flower bud,”

“Not just any flower bud, a viola bicolar,” You smiled widely at him.

He didn’t seem to understand. “Wha- Is that french, or?”

You jokingly shoved him down and he let out the most beautiful laugh. “No, Lando, it is a pansy flower,” You said. He sat back up to join you. “Right now this pansy is just a bud, correct? Viola bicolor is known for blooming in the winter, which is why even in the brightest conditions it has yet to reach its full potential.”

“Interesting,” You heard him whisper, but when you turned to face him, his attention wasn’t on the bud, he was staring at you. You flushed under his gaze, but held his eye contact.

“This flower is beautiful because in the coldest, darkest conditions, it blooms,” You say, smiling. His brows furrow together, thinking hard. “Maybe you are like a viola bicolor. Even though everything seems cold and dark right now, you will still bloom into everything you are meant to be.”

Lando smiled and looked down at the bud again, taking it gently between his fingers. As he did this, he brushed up against your hand and you felt the callousness of him. It ignited your whole body at once. “So you are calling me a pansy?” He joked, admiring the floret. “It is wonderful Princess. Thank you.”

“Call me Y/N,” You said, and his head looked up at you in curiosity. “I do love the whole ‘princess’ thing, but I enjoy hearing you say my name as well.”

That was bold.

Lando stood up and helped you to your feet. His face was lit up with the most lovable expression. “As you wish, Y/N,” He said, not quite letting go of your hand.

Suddenly, you heard a booming voice.

“Y/N!!” It yelled. “Where are you?? You are needed in the dining hall at once!!”

You gasped, panic filling you. You dropped his hand, the absence cold on your skin. “My father,” You said, pushing Lando. He looked just as scared. “Go get Arrow and return to the stables at once! I will distract him.”

He nodded and started running towards Arrow, but suddenly stopped. You gave him a frantic look but he just gave you a cheeky grin, just as he has all day. “When will I see you again?” He asked, eyes hopeful.

You hated to admit how much your heart started beating at his words, but you hated the thought of your father finding him more. “Never, if you do not run! Go!” You pushed. He disappeared behind the shrub and vines and you let out a sigh of relief.

“I am over by the pansies papa!” You yelled out. “Come over!”

Your father appeared from the opposite direction that Lando ran off to, and you thanked whatever spirits were watching over you in that moment. “There you are!” He said, walking over to you. “One of our knights informed me that a horse got loose from our stable. I was worried sick.”

Your eyes widened. “Oh, well I have not seen any horse in the garden,” You said confidently. “Surely it will return soon, yes?” Very soon, little did he know.

Your father sighed and rubbed his chin. “What have you been up to all day? Your face is terribly red.” He asked, feeling your forehead with the back of his palm. You chuckled and shrugged nervously. “Hurry and clean up, we have business to attend.”

“But it is my day off-“

“Oh sweetheart, we never truly have days off.”

You bit your lip and begrudgingly followed the king back to the castle, a sigh escaping your lips.

You were less worried about your next day off, more so about when you would see that mysterious stable boy again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Another beer, please,” Sebastian held up his cup, hoping for a cute wench to take it.

Max stared at Sebastian. “No, no, what happens next??” He asked. The group laughed at this. “What business did the princess have to attend? Did the stable boy ever achieve his dream of becoming a racer??”

Sebastian smirked as the bartender poured him another brew. “Well, well, look who is interested- thank you love- in my story now.” He chuckled.

George Russel, Lewis’ teammate for Mercedes held up a glass. “He truly pulls you in with the stories, does he not?” He chuckled.

Max didn’t even care about the teasing, he just wanted the next part of the tale. “What next??”

Sebastian shrugged, looking around the tavern. It was as busy as ever as he took a swig of his drink. “Ah, hell. The night is still young, I suppose I could continue.”

[solarpunkaestheticweek]

I’m in Australia right now, it’s cold and rainy and miserable, I have no idea how I’m meant to solarpunk it up, do you have any tips? 😭

Ooh, hello!

I can definitely see how coming up with ways to solarpunk in the cold and rain would be hard. It definitely feels like there's not much to do, but hopefully I've got some ideas that can help inspire you!

First, maybe you can try to bring warmth and light to your indoor spaces! Cozy up the place with some solarpunk-inspired decor, see if you can brighten things up. Maybe have a get together! Community is totally solarpunk!

I'm not sure how easy all of this is to obtain, but I've seen people paint streets with a type of paint that reveals itself when it comes into contact with water? I think it might be hydrochromic paint? I'm honestly not sure how easy that stuff is to obtain, but it could be fun to get some and paint a fun design on a driveway or the likes to add color to rainy days!

If it's a wet season, it's probably a good time to plan a garden! You did mention it's cold there right now (I think it's fall or winter in Australia right now? maybe?) so it might not be the best time for getting plants in the ground, but drawing up a garden plan is 110% a fun way to solarpunk during the winter! Plus, having a plan can help make things a lot easier in spring. Reading up/watching videos on native plants and other cool ways to support wildlife (building fountains, bird/bathouses, mini ponds, etc are what I've been up to in the states) and sharing that information with others can also be fun!

Speaking of! You could make a cool rain barrel to harvest some of that funky fresh rain water! I've seen some with aquatic plants planted into the top, which could make it an even more fun project! (I know it's not legal in some of the states but I'm not sure how the rain barrel vibe is in Australia so definitely do some research).

While you're inside avoiding the cold and rain, it could also be an excellent time to pick up a craft or learn a new skill! Drawing, painting, and writing are all pretty chill things you can do indoors, and if you decide to do some solarpunk-themed works you can share them during the week! It could also be a wonderful time to pick up a fiber craft like sewing, knitting, or crochet! I picked up crocheting during a time when there wasn't much to do in the garden, and it kept me pretty entertained! There's lots of resources on learning how to do these things on YouTube and various other websites, you've just gotta find what interests you and start there!

Last but not least, you could find some solarpunky books to read, or watch solarpunky shows or movies or even just some YouTube videos! Maybe you'll find some other form of inspiration for something to do while it's raining, or when things brighten up, and you can definitely post reviews on what you read/watched and let us know what you think!

If anyone reading has any recommendations (for activities or for stuff to read/watch) feel free to chime in! Either way, I hope you find something you'd like to do, Salad! If all else fails, you can even participate by just scrolling the #solarpunkaestheticweek tag and sharing your thoughts and love on people's posts!

--Ani

[techs-goggles9902]

Two Souls Entwined

Part 2 Captain Rex x oc

A/N: Im back! Told you I would be posting this week. Open to criticism!! This isn’t my best work, so FEEL. FREE. TO. CRITICIZE!!!

Word count: 1133 (I know, I went overboard)

Niva watched as her buir fought for his life; kicking, biting, punching, anything to defeat the enemy Mando. Both Mandos fought without their helmets, since they were kicked away by their opponent.

The pair tousle around the mud, in between the bodies of the fallen. Niva’s friends, comrades, and her family. All gone within a matter of minutes, all 50 have died to the hands of this white and red armored Mando and his lackeys.

I can’t watch him die… Niva gasps and remembers her buir gave her a small modified handheld Verpine Shatter Rifle for her birthday last year. Her newest birthday present, the little silver necklace, slaps against her collarbones as she scrambles to find her duffel bag.

Her birthday was last week, but was she really going to tell him that? She rummages through it, tossing her clothes aside, and finds the blaster tucked between her book and her helmet, wrapped in a shirt.

Her armor was too big for her, and they haven’t gotten a chance to reforge it, so the armor is neatly stacked in her duffel bag. Niva checks the charge on the blaster.

Thank the Maker, it’s full.

Sliping the barrel of the blaster ever so slightly through the tent flaps, Niva closes an eye to aim better. Through the scope, alining her crosshair to hit the Mando, she tries not to hit her buir, but it’s so hard to find an opening when they’re both thrashing around in the mud.

Three… two… dead.

She pulls the trigger, the blast is nearly silent as the blaster bolt leaves the barrel and into the Mando’s neck.

That’s the good thing about Niva’s clan of Mandalorians. They don’t miss. The Mando falls to the ground with a muffled thud, the sludge making a squelching sound as he lands face first in it.

Niva gasps, holstering the Verpine and dashing out of the tent, her curls flying in the wind behind her. Her boots are covered in mud as she runs down the hill, sliding the last few yards on her knees towards her buir.

The adrenaline ebbs away, the urge to fight is slowly drowned out by the pain of his injuries. He’s beaten to a pulp and can barely lift his head. Blood runs down his nose and into his mouth, there's an arch on the bridge of his nose that shouldn’t be there.

“Ad’ika…” his words are slurred as he tries to bring his bloodied hand to Niva’s cheek.

“Buir…” Niva takes his hand and gently holds it in her lap. Bodies are everywhere, not just her allies but her enemies, the red and white armored Mandos. She doesn’t have to check his pulse, scan him, or even look at his injuries. He’s dying.

“Nami… She called for… The distress beacon…” He rasps, coughing up blood onto his chest plate. Nami was one of Buir’s closest friends; Niva searches the land for her and finds Nami’s corpse lying face down in a small pond, the water now stained a muddy crimson.

Niva’s lip quivers and she bites her cheeks to keep from crying. She’s aware of the extent of her father’s wounds and she knows that when his deadly grip on her slowly ceases, her buir is dead. Her shoulders shake as she drops her father’s hand gently. Sobs rack through her small form.

He’s gone. He’s dead…

Like many children who went into battle with their buirs, Niva always prepared for the worst. But no matter how many times she rehearsed this moment in her head, nothing could prepare her for it to really happen. Cabur Veen, one of the most well known war heroes of Mandalore’s recent history, is dead.

But he was more than a hero. He was a father of three, a husband, a friend, and a son.

Ni su’cuyi, gar kyr’adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum. Not gone, merely marching far away… Right, Buir? You always told me so…

A small rustle from behind her causes Niva to turn around. Letting out a small gasp, her fingers tighten around the Verpine but it’s too late. The red and white armored Mando, who should be dead, is pointing his blaster at Niva.

No… No, he shouldn’t be-

Bang.

Thin tendrils of smoke travel from the barrel of the blaster and up towards the sky.

The blaster bolt hits Niva right in between her collarbones, knocking the air out of her lungs. As her body falls limp onto the mud, the Mando’s does as well, and he’s actually dead this time.

Her vision blurs as her chest heaves for air, tendrils of smoke curl upwards out of her chest. A burning pain sears into the delicate skin and fragile bones, the smell of charred flesh and carbon find their way into her nostrils.

I’m dying… Aren’t I, Buir? She coughs, crimson droplets of blood flying past her lips. One more deep, shaky breath, and Niva’s vision fades completely.

Kal Skirata never expected to be sent to this camp. The Chaabar aren’t a clan to mess with, so there wasn’t a good reason for a distress call to find its way on the comm channels.

Running a hand over his close cropped hair before sliding his buy’ce on, Kal lets out a nervous breath. The hum of the ship’s engines was the only sound apart from the breathing of the 25 Mandos seated around Kal.

“You think they’re all right?” A Mando from his right asks, nudging his elbow gently.

Kal shrugs, “Doesn’t matter what I think. Cabur’s in danger and he has his kid out there…”

“Well… He’s Cabur Veen. He’ll be fine!” The Mando smiles from beneath his buy’ce, thrusting his fist in the air.

Oh, how wrong could he be? Within moments, the ship lands on the muddy terrain of the Chaabar campgrounds.

“Oh, wow… There was a massacre…” One Mando says.

“Aw, Nami… I knew her.” Another says.

Osik, this is terrible. How could another clan do this? Regardless of being enemies, these people had families… Kal weaves between corpses, scanning each of them with his HUD, just to double check they’re dead.

A small lifeform comes up on his scanner, making Kal’s heart rate spike up. It’s… It’s a little girl…

“Hey, I got a live one!” He yells to the others, rushing over to the little girl. A fresh, charred, smoking blaster hole is just between her collarbones. Kal touches his fingers to her carotid artery. It’s pumping, but just barely.

“Hey, ad’ika, can you hear me?” He asks, gently tapping her cheek as one of the medics comes running over. The girl’s eyelids flutter. She coughs, blood splattering all over Kal’s sand colored chest plate.

“Buir…” She whispers.

“No, I’m Kal. What’s your name, ad’ika?”

“N-Niva…”

Glossary & Pronunciation

Chaabar - fear [cha-BAR]

Ad’ika - little one, son, daughter, of any age [ah-DEE-kah]

Buir - dad/mom [BOO-ear] (no gender)

Ni su’cuyi, gar kyr’adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum - I'm still alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal [Nee soo-COO-yee, gar keer-AH-deesh, nee par-TIE-lee, gar dah-rah-SOOM]

Osik - shit [oh-sick]

Buy’ce - helmet [BOO-shay]

Taglist: @fionajames @sevdidntdie @will-is-silly @hellhound5925 @skellymom

Dividers by @saradika ❤️

[bengiyo]

A Boss and a Babe Ep 1 Stray Thoughts

This is my first new show since the week of finales. I'm feeling an emotional hangover from all of this, and it's been a bit difficult to get going with new shows. However, my dedication to queer cinema is total. I will push through!

I've gone on record that I was not a fan of Enchanté. However, I did say that Force and Book (and honestly the whole cast) were not the problem. I just didn't like the conceits and never felt a real sense of drama or tension in the story. So, I'm actually excited to see them try again, and this time with Book being more energetic. Hopefully I feel positively about them the way I did about Pond and Phuwin after Never Let Me Go.

That being said, I do like office romance, but I'm less keen on boss/employee dynamics. HR would not approve.

Drake is in this!!! Fluke Pusit and Thor were just making out in The Warp Effect, but they're not together here. Love that we can finally shuffle the actors around.

Book is very pretty. Don't know why this boy always seems to glow.

Oh, so Force's character has the money now? He's so rich that he just tosses his robes to the ground. The staff will clean that up.

Classic intern plot: get the office drink order. Love it.

Everyone is shocked at the intern being allowed to voice an opinion. But honestly, why hire really young people just to silence them?

Mmm I don't know about them letting people make a gif of Book grabbing the barrel of a gun like that.

This boss is already planning to cause so many problems for HR.

Calling for ASMR reasons is new. Kinda like the boss refusing skinship.

Huge fan of the fantasy of them talking on the same bed. I liked this in My School President a lot.

I like Force's laugh.

Okay, the phone conversation was cute. I do like seeing future couples get to know each other.

Laem is feisty.

Definitely New Siwaj work. We're telling homophobes to fuck off. Yacht is here; his hair is blue.

I appreciate the compromise from the boss to try something new with his limits clear.

When the phone rang, I wanted it to be HR so badly.

Oh, crash into you, my beloved.

Oh, it looks like we may be moving quickly here!

This was cute so far. I'll stick around.

[seabreeze2022]

2023 Bahama Cruise, Part 13, March 30 Long Island.

.

Nancy makes a fine “Figurehead” for our sailboat. Good thing the autopilot doesn’t get distracted with her on the bow, like I do.

Before I forget it, must say I am just in awe of the early sailors who navigated these islands before GPS exact positioning. When out of sight of land this looks all the same. When sailing, sometimes you can go in a straight line making navigation easier. Even then over a longer passage, the boat speed changes all the time. When you are tacking back and forth into a wind and the speed is constantly changing, no way to guess your position, course or destination.

There were several Bahamian fishermen baseing out of Water Cay. Some had bigger boats and anchored off of the island. Those are the motherships and tow several powerboats for the guys to cover more territory during the day. One guy decked over the front of a small skiff and made a cuddy cabin. He has a homemade grill on shore. Plus he sets up a generator on shore to keep some large freezers cold. He may stay out here a week or two before he goes to town. These guys work all day every day, no matter what the wind is doing. Tough people.

The Chef on board uses what ever is available to whip up something new and exciting for every meal. Our first night at Long Island, Nancy pan seared lobster and fresh fish that “Cheval” had given us. No green flash in this anchorage but we still get a fantastic sun set. The Chef sounds the Conch horn as the sun settles into the west.

Just as we were anchoring several boats were commenting on the mosquito issue. Oops, turn around and get a little further in the bay for the night. We can always move closer for the protection from the up coming winds. Good holding in silty sand.

We woke up to the sounds of Roosters crowing on shore. That makes Nancys day. No mosquitoes, but we closed the boat early and went to bed, so we never gave them a chance to invade. In the morning when Nancy went up to do her yoga on the bow. We had been swarmed by termites during the night. Apparently they are attracted to our lights on deck. Only about 20 boats all spread out in the anchorage, so maybe I will turn off some lights tonight. After morning chores of cleaning the cabin, checking the engine, cleaning the bilge and topping off the Starting Battery. Nathalie swings by on her paddleboard. She and Nancy paddle to shore. Nancy carries a VHF handheld and can call for help if needed.

In the afternoon we made a quick run to Long Island Petroleum dock. They sell gas to cars out front, or gas /diesel to boats pulling up to the dock. Super nice sisters born on the island. After buying 4 gallons of diesel at $6.12 a gallon we dinghied back to the boat. While making water for an hour. Nancy could hear water running in the bilge. I can’t hear things well anymore. After poking around we realized the brine overflow line had come lose from the water maker. Super briney water had been poring all over the water maker. Turned it off and poured a gallon of fresh water over the whole thing. I will work on it tomorrow.

A weak cold front is moving south to hit us tonight. Should stall over the Bahamas later. No rain just nice blowing wind.

We are anchored in Thompson Bay north of Salt Pond.

Nathalie, Nancy and I went in to Basil’s dock. This gentleman allows the cruisers to tie their dinghies to his dock and walk into town. Unfortunately, several cruisers don’t know the simple rules at his dock. The water is not for cruisers, it cost him money. Please don’t lock your dinghy to the one ladder blocking it. The Blue Barrel that says “No Boater trash” is not for boaters trash.

We checked out the grocery store and had a long talk with the owner, Mr. William Miller. Then we walked to St. Joseph’s Church. There were some huge Lignumvitae trees in the church yard. This island has many growing in the wild.

The large tree on the left is a lignumvitae tree. Lignum Vitae, means “tree of life” and is the national tree of the Bahamas. Some interesting facts about the wood. It is one of the heavier woods in the world and sinks in water. It is very oily and has been used for centuries in ships. The first three chronometers on ships used bearings and gears made of this wood due to the oil factor. Later, propeller shaft bearings were made out of it. Including the shaft bearing of the WWII submarine USS Pampanito. To bring the history of ships and Lignum Vitae full circle, the first nuclear powered sub, USS Nautilus, had an aft main shaft bearing composed of this wood.

This is Dorald Harding’s grave, born in 1910. He is literally buried between a rock and a hard place. Notice the spelling of his first name. Another unique spelling on a grave was, “Elthie Harding” 1919-1992.

Love the yard art of an old stern from a Bahama racing sloop “Beerly Legal”. Next door was a functional class C racer, “Beerly Legal”.

Basil’s dinghy dock, with instructions painted at the top of the ladder.

Here I am shredding a coconut by hand on the aft deck. Nancy made a wonderful Flan with shredded coconut in it for the nights dinner party aboard “Time Out”.

S/V Sea Breeze, Thompson Bay, Long Island, Bahamas

[asiapioneertravel]

Top 12 Unique Things to Do in Hanoi

Hanoi is a city of contrasts where ancient traditions harmonize with modern energy. While iconic landmarks like Hoan Kiem Lake and the Old Quarter draw crowds, the true essence of Vietnam’s capital often lies in its hidden gems and unique experiences. 

Here are 12 unique things to do in Hanoi that showcase the city’s charm beyond the usual tourist trail.

1. Explore the Train Street

Nestled in a quiet alley, Hanoi Train Street offers a rare sight of life unfolding mere inches from the railway tracks. Twice a day, a train barrels through, and the locals—who live and work just feet from the tracks—swiftly clear their wares and retreat to safety. Between train schedules, the area transforms into a cozy spot for sipping Vietnamese coffee at nearby cafes. Check the train timings and experience this exhilarating urban life and tradition blend.

2. Visit Hoan Kiem Lake

Often referred to as the “Lake of the Restored Sword”, this serene lake offers more than just picturesque views. As morning light filters through ancient trees, you’ll witness locals practicing Tai Chi and aerobics. The Ngoc Son Temple, accessible via the red-painted Huc Bridge, shares tales of a legendary turtle and a divine sword. As twilight descends, the shimmering waters beckon for a gentle evening stroll.

3. Discover the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum

Here, the preserved body of Uncle Ho, as locals fondly call him, rests in solemn majesty. The surrounding gardens showcase various plants across Vietnam, while the museum offers insights into his life and Vietnam’s struggle for freedom. It’s a humbling experience to visit this iconic landmark and pay respects to a revered leader.

4. Marvel at the One Pillar Pagoda

Reconstructed numerous times over its millennium-long history, this iconic temple stands above a lotus pond, echoing a dream of the emperor seeing the Goddess of Mercy on a lotus flower. Its unique design and spiritual significance make it one of Hanoi’s must-visit sites.

>> Read more: How To Make The Most Out Of One Week In Hanoi?

5. Explore the Temple of Literature

Vietnam’s first university, founded in 1070, is a peaceful complex of courtyards, gardens, and pavilions dedicated to Confucius. The Stelae of Doctors, stone tablets atop stone turtles, pay tribute to outstanding scholars of yesteryear. It’s a serene retreat that celebrates Hanoi’s scholarly and cultural heritage.

6. Savor Egg Coffee at Giang Café

Hanoi’s culinary scene is legendary, and no visit is complete without trying egg coffee. This creamy concoction of whisked egg yolks, sugar, and robust Vietnamese coffee was invented in Hanoi. Head to Giang Café, where this iconic drink originated, and savor it in a traditional setting. Its velvety texture and unique flavor make it a must-try treat.

7. Traverse Hanoi’s Culinary Scene

Embark on a culinary tour through Hanoi’s Old Quarter, sampling dishes like Bun Thang (vermicelli soup) or Banh Mi (Vietnamese sandwich). Discover family-run eateries passed down through generations and experience the subtle art of seasoning that distinguishes each dish. Don’t miss out on the must-try Pho and Bun Cha for an authentic taste of Hanoi.

>> Read more: Best Recommendations For An Authentic Food Tour In Hanoi

8. Experience the Thang Long Water Puppet Theatre

Water puppetry is an ancient Vietnamese art form that originated in the rice paddies. The Thang Long Water Puppet Theatre brings this tradition to life with performances that combine puppetry, live music, and storytelling. Watching these puppets dance on the water while depicting folklore and daily life is a mesmerizing cultural experience.

9. Cycle Around West Lake

For a leisurely exploration, rent a bicycle and cruise around West Lake, Hanoi’s largest freshwater lake. The 17-kilometer shoreline is dotted with temples, pagodas, and cafes. Sunset is an especially magical time to visit, as the lake reflects the golden hues of the sky, offering a peaceful retreat from the city’s hustle.

10. Shop at Dong Xuan Market

Hanoi’s most significant indoor market pulses with energy. It’s a kaleidoscope of sights and sounds, from fresh produce to souvenirs. It’s the perfect spot to pick up a local trinket or watch daily life unfold. Nearby, explore the night markets for sizzling street food and unique finds.

11. Unwind at Quang Ba Flower Market

Hanoi’s Quang Ba Flower Market is a vibrant, fragrant escape that comes alive in the early hours. Witness florists and vendors haggling over fresh blooms, from roses to exotic orchids. This lively market offers a unique glimpse into the city’s early morning hustle and is a perfect spot for photography enthusiasts.

12. Take a Stroll Through Long Bien Bridge

Designed by Gustave Eiffel’s company, Long Bien Bridge is a historical symbol of Hanoi. Spanning the Red River, this bridge offers stunning views of the city and its surroundings. Walking or cycling along its length provides a unique perspective of Hanoi’s blend of history and modernity.

>> See tour: The Very Best Of Vietnam

Final Thought

Hanoi’s allure lies in its ability to surprise and inspire, offering layers of experiences waiting to be discovered. Local culture reveals its charm through traditional crafts, flavorful cuisine, and a lively yet tranquil rhythm that defines the city. 

Let’s discover the unique things to do in Hanoi that will create lasting memories and a profound appreciation for this extraordinary city.

[cosmcther]

     Throughout existence, the cosmic mother was known by many names and many personas. Some viewed the woman as a goddess gifted by the stars, parting the night skies to solve the unsolvable. Some viewed her as a cold and disconnected guardian who fulfilled her role and left without a word. She existed to do her part. Nothing more, nothing less. So, when her part was done? She ceased to exist.

     But some...? And it was a very small subset of people... Some knew her as Rosie. The hard-working mother who traversed the universe with her ship-full of star children, defending the galaxies she paraded through all the while. Rosie had to be honest, it was quite nice to fill those shoes again after so long.

     Her smile could outshine the sun. To Wanda's barreling approach, the far taller takes in the far smaller without a hint of hesitation. Arms are utterly filled with the other. In fact, while she was at it, that grocery bag of hers was completely tossed to the side, all to make sure her old friend received nothing but the most thorough of hugs. —Ah, don't worry, though. The bag would simply begin to glitter with stardust, not collapse to the ground in a mess of wasted food. For a magical aura was keeping it afloat beside its owner.

     "Gods, I've lost count by this point! Perhaps two or three-hundred, I want to say?" Time was an illusion that helped things make sense, but it could tend to get a touch mixed up when different universes had differing takes on their perception of the stuff. It could've been five weeks, it could've been five millennia. After a while, you just stop bothering with keeping count.

     A side-eye to the hovering supermarket bag by her side, a light chuckle falling from glossed lips. "Alas, guilty as charged. You've caught me in the middle of a bad habit, I'm afraid. But from the looks of it..." A smile would turn for the coy as an index finger flicked itself upward, the unseen hand of gravity plucking one of the boxes of brownies from the fairy's own bag. Then, with a swirl, it would tumble into the celestial mother's own growing collection of sweets. "I won't tell if you won't either~." Once again, she laughs with the whole of herself. It was quite nice to laugh so simply...

     "Well, my dear, you know I have to ask: how has it been on your side of the pond? Life never took a day off with you, that much I remember clearly. Are things still as busy as they normally are? Or have you finally found that bit of peace and quiet we're all chasing after in our day-to-day?"

Truly-- sometimes the best place to take refuge at ungodly hours of the morning is the snack aisle in your friendly cosmic interstate supermarket. Wanda can definitely vouch for that-- not to mention the added bonus of retirement, meaning they could stay as long as they wanted and buy whatever and as much of it as they wanted without worrying about setting a bad example to their godkid or keeping them up way after their bedtime, or any of their other concerns from back when they were still on the clock. And while one of the perks of traveling freely through time and space was the varied gastronomy, you simply wouldn't find brownies in 15th century Europe or the Mesozoic Era now, would you?

However, this also posed a very important dilemma to the fairy godmother as she (literally) weighed the options on her hands: should she go for the triple chocolate brownies, or the cream cheese swirly ones? The former were her guilty pleasure, but the latter aligned more with Cosmo's preference for cheese...

Oh. Wait. She's overthinking this, isn't she? Wanda rolls her eyes with a smile and simply throws both packages into her...oh, that's a LOT of brownies on her cart. So THAT'S where they disappeared off to. And chocolate syrup. And boxed mac & cheese, and cheese doodles, and chocolate donuts, and...anyways! She should probably look for Cosmo now; he should be just about done with picking out the free sample for himself AND for her, which means it's time for her to tag in and pick samples for herself AND for him. That makes TWICE as many free sample for each! Truly, the perfect heist.

"Wanda Fairywinkle Cosma?"

...Okay, listen. You can't blame her for having alarm be her first reaction upon hearing her full name exclaimed like that. When you've lived as long as she has and done as many things as she and her husband have done...well. Let's just say they've both made quite the reputation for themselves, in Fairy World and beyond. And yet, something about the voice rings very familiar-- and as soon as she turns around towards the source, suddenly everything clicks.

"Rosie?!"

Alarm immediately becomes delight-- Wanda couldn't care less that they're in the middle of a supermarket between planes of existence at a much too late/early hour in several timezones across dimensions; that doesn't stop her from basically flinging herself at her old friend in a tight hug. (Cosmo really is rubbing off of her. For the better.)

"I could say the same about you, sweetie! How long has it been?" That's...not a rhetorical question, though; how long HAS it been? Warping time to take a 10,000 year vacation in much less time than that will do that to you. There's a knowing (but definitely not judgemental) look as Wanda takes notice of Rosalina's own cart. "Late night supermarker cravings, am I right? You just can't ignore them!"

[foli-vora]

Whiskey drabble

A/N: I upset myself with my tags on @dragcn-queen’s Whiskey post so, naturally, I’m making myself feel worse. Come mourn the life Whiskey DESERVED but never had the chance to experience.

Another note: this is a fucking hot mess and a half but I’m Feeling™️ and need to release so—yeah.

I’m killing myself imagining Whiskey sitting on his porch swing, the breeze cooling the tears tracks on his cheeks as he watches the grass sway in the distance, mourning the fact that he never had the chance to see a little mop of dark curls matching his bouncing through the fields as a childish giggle carries through the wind.

Whiskey sits in the middle of his room, having to fold and put away not only his sweethearts clothing, but his baby’s, too. His fingers run over the soft fabric of the many baby onesies he had once shoved in the basket while his wife giggled behind him. He doesn’t feel the giddiness now.

He cries looking at the immaculately decorated nursery every day, but cries even harder when he makes the drunken mistake of painting over the small wispy clouds and little birds covering the walls one lonely night. What has he done? Forgive me, baby. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me—

He lays in his big king bed, hand resting where she slept, and clenches the cold sheets between tight fingers as his sobs echo through the dark house. It’s too empty. There’s no laughter anymore. No warmth. He throws himself into his job to fight the overwhelming stab of loss.

He doesn’t want it. Therapy doesn’t work. What good is talking going to do? That won’t bring them back. There’s no point. But Champ remains firm—office duties until he sees fit, and strictly no active duty until explicit say so and the go ahead from the highly respected Statesman head doctor—that’s what Whiskey calls him. A head doctor. He stays silent the first few sessions—it won’t help, after all. There’s no point.

It takes so long, he wonders if he’ll ever be active on the field again... but he can feel the difference, can look back and see how his anger, his hurt, his drowning inescapable loss skewed his vision of the world and the people within it. The people doing drugs weren’t the problem—it was the drugs themselves. A new kid starts and he has to play babysitter, despite not being that much older. But he’s nice, this Agent Tequila. Makes a damn good friend. Whiskey laughs again.

Tequila helps him, more than he’ll ever know. The kid’s surprisingly gentle, understanding, as he takes apart the cot and wraps it with protective sheeting. He doesn’t make jokes, doesn’t make faces of judgement at the quiet tears rolling down his friends face. Hell, he cries, too. Ain’t nothing wrong with crying’, he says. He’s a hugger, Whiskey discovers.

It’s been years, and the ache is still there, but at least he can breathe now. He saved the world—not too shabby, if you ask him. A couple of English cats came looking for trouble, but they were alright in the end. ‘Eggsy’. What kind of fucking name is ‘Eggsy’? Those strange Brits across the pond—he’ll never quite understand. Even met Elton fucking John for Christ sake—

“Shit, I’m so sorry—”

He steadies the pretty thing in his arms as she barrels into him, dropping her groceries all over the floor and she spews apologies, dropping to ground and crawling over the dirty sidewalk to gather her bruised apples. She’s lovely.

He doesn’t know when it happens—all he knows is the recognisable feeling of pure love. He hates it. Flees from it. Hides from it. It was a dishonour to his wife, and to his unborn baby. How could he even entertain the idea of a happy ever after when they’re not here to experience it with him? He couldn’t. He won’t.

He goes back to the head doctor. It’s normal to feel this way, he says, but the dishonour to your wife and child would be not living your life.

She really is lovely. Shows up at the same time every Sunday, hands cradling a fresh bunch of wildflowers and face creased by a soft smile. Doesn’t hate the fact that he still goes to the cemetery every week, even after so long. She encourages it, sometimes packs picnics and even talks to his angels in heaven as if they were right there. He cries in the car after buying a ring, even goes and sobs over his wife’s grave, but then the sun shines through the clouds and bathes him in bright warm rays and he takes it as a blessing. Thank you, sweetheart.

The first ultrasound is a wonder. He watches the small area where the technician points to in awe. What a magical thing. He delivers so many kisses to that swollen belly, he worries she’ll get sick of it, but she never does. Always runs her hands through his hair, face soft and smile warm as she watches him.

She’s perfect. A baby girl. So small, but god does she have a voice. She announces her arrival with cries that all but knock him into the wall and he’s pushing past the nurses and doctors to look at her. She stops crying the second she’s in his arms and he knows he’s in trouble. He’d do absolutely anything for her and she already knows it.

He sits on the porch swing, softly rocking, as his fingers delicately fix the blanket around the small body in his arms, wide beautifully dark eyes blinking up at him curiously as he speaks. He tells her about everything while his wife sleeps soundly, heart thundering as a small hand grips tightly at his finger. His late wife, her unborn brother, her mother—talking really does help. Who would’ve thought?

A head bounces through the grass, wild dark curls billowing behind her as she runs, and Whiskey grins, opening his arms to catch the little body running for him with a love filled, “Daddy!” and he’s at peace.

+

Why do I do this to myself? @wyn-dixie I MADE MYSELF FEEL WORSE

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Ok let's go!

First off, the difference between the swedish cover of the movie vs the english cover is kinda hilarious to me

Anyway, the plot:

Tommy and Annika, Pippi's best friends and her biggest fans, have been hanging out at her house until 23:00, making their parents very upset when they return home. They tell them that they're not allowed to go to Pippi if they can't come home in time.

Annika thinks their parents are unfair, while Tommy is into this book about running away. Annika is like "maybe we should run away so that our parents stop nagging at us"

Next day at breakfast, Pippi comes over and asks what Tommy and Annika are up to today. Their mom answers for them: "They need to pick weeds from the strawberry field". Tommy and Annika do NOT like this because it's such a nice weather, and Annika throws a tantrum over how unfair this is.

She then notices Tommy's book about running away and is like "That's it! I'm running away!" Their mom does not really believe it, so Annika is like "ok bet" and runs off. Tommy runs after, literally shouting "BYE, MOM!! WE'RE RUNNING AWAY!!!"

Their parents are left with Pippi and look at her like "... you don't think they were serious?" and Pippi is like "I think they were lol. Maybe I should run away with them", and their mom exclaims "OH PLEASE PIPPI DO!!! I KNOW YOU TAKE CARE OF THEM SO WELL!!!"

This is not the first time Pippi is put on babysitting duty. The last time they left Tommy and Annika in her house for 3 weeks, causing the three of them to travel to the south seas to rescue Pippi's dad from pirates.

I also want to add that Pippi is 9 years old.

Anyway the three are now on the run! And they sing a song called "Mors lilla lathund" ("Mother's little lazy dog"). It's not about a literal dog, but about someone's child who does not want to do the work today, "I'll do it another day". I personally think it's a bop.

Especially the "tycker du som jag, tycker som jag så gör jag det en annan dag"

They reach a pond to rest a little, and here we get to one of the most MEMEABLE moments in swedish cinema. "Tommy laughs"

You don't understand how much people meme this. It became a SPARTA REMIX and everything.

Anyway, it starts raining and thus they find an abandoned house. Except, nope, it's not abandoned, and a vagabond lives in there!

His name is Konrad and he's chill. He sells glue called "Konrad's party glue" and apparently it can stick to anything. So Pippi tries it on her shoes and starts to dance upside down on the ceiling.

She does this for a while until Tommy and Annika go "but Pippi! You can't dance on the ceiling!" and Pippi answers "That's right, it's impossible!" and immediately stops doing it.

It's a running theme with Pippi in this film that she keeps doing magical and impossible things and then Tommy and Annika go "but wait you can't do that" and she immediately stops.

Anyway they continue on their runaway adventure. I don't recall the details rn as I'm just going from memories, they find a barrel and Pippi tells a story about how she's ridden in one before. Annika is like "nah you're making it up" and Pippi says "Don't believe me? Ok I'm gonna climb inside this barrel and you're gonna roll me down to the water". So they do that. And Pippi floats away in the river.

Tommy and Annika get super worried and are like "oh no she's dead I'm sure :(" Pippi meanwhile is like "oh look a waterfall nearby! Neat!"

Pippi gets up from the river and finds a bike without wheels, and decides to ride it around. She's just vibing.

Then she finds Tommy and Annika again! Happy reunion! Sadly they don't have any money, so they decide to go around singing to the locals. But, one of the locals is an angry man who doesn't like noise... so they glue his shoes to the ground with Konrad's party glue that they took from Konrad earlier.

Then the kids jump on the roof of a train to travel faster. Here they start singing "the summer song" which we literally sometimes sing on the last day of summer holidays in Sweden. That, and "Ida's summer song" from Emil.

I've always kinda giggled when Annika is like "And I have brown legs, just like it should be" (referring that she's gotten tanned in the sun) and Tommy replies "And that's why I wanna sing that brown legs are good"

After a while however, they notice a man with a wagon of hay passing by, and decide to jump off the train and down in the hay.

They come to his farm, and he's like "hey hitchhikers! Leave!" - but he's kind enough to let them sleep in the barn for the night.

I don't recall if it's before or after they sleep in the barn, but Pippi battles with a bull on the farm. That happens. Anyway.

Anyway the farmer's kids come into the barn to chat with them in the evening, and they start to share swear words they know. Annika apparently knows the WORST swear word... which is... *drum rolls*... "SHIT BULLOCK"

Pippi screams shit bullock into the night and the farmer, who had taken in the animals for the night, turns around like "tf was that sound"

The next day Pippi decides to fix up a broken car so that it can work again. She pours Konrad's glue into the gas tank, thinking this'll surely help. The three then head off in the car, with the farmer screaming after them that THEY CAN'T DRIVE!!! THEY'RE KIDS!!! and Pippi is like "yeah sure but I'm Pippi Longstocking and I can drive with my feet"

The car starts to FLY IN THE SKY because Konrad's glue just was magical or something. So they fly around for a bit before they crash in the water.

They take this opportunity to swim around a bit... BUT, a cow comes and eats Tommy and Annika's clothes. And Pippi is like "you should have swam with your clothes on like me"

Anyway now they have to wear sacks as they try to get money for new clothes. They sing for locals again, to no success. So Pippi gets an idea to dance on a rope in town. Tommy and Annika go around telling people if they wanna watch they need to pay one crown - everyone who doesn't pay has to close their eyes.

As Pippi is doing her acrobatics, a cop shows up and is like "it's illegal to do these circus tricks without permission..." so they have to stop. But it's ok, because they got enough money to buy some new clothes!

However, the police catches them. He says he needs to know where their parents are. He gives them some juice and then tells them that sadly he needs to lock them in for the night before he finds out where they're coming from and where they might go.

Pippi however, the second he leaves is like "yeah sadly we can't stay" and breaks out of prison with Tommy and Annika.

They meet up with Konrad again! He's not doing much, he's just chilling as per usual. Also their horse, who had ran away earlier. Now with their horse back, they decide to head home.

Tommy and Annika's parents are super happy to have them back, and the funniest part is that their mother, out of everything that happened to them on the runaway trip, was the most shocked that a cow ate their clothes.

In the middle of the night, Pippi wakes Tommy and Annika up. She is outside of their window, and has started flying around with a broom. She found the broom in an earlier scene and it didn't lead to a payoff until now.

Tommy and Annika a final time go "Pippi! You can't do that! That's impossible!"

And Pippi almost is about to give up. But, then she goes "Can't? I can! I can every-every-EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!" as she flies around on her broom.

That's where the movie ends.

Now some Astrid Lindgren movies are more unhinged than others, but this one truly was at another level.

Does anyone want to hear me yap about why Pippi on the run is the most unhinged Astrid Lindgren movie

[multiverse-swampy]

Random Things Said During Genshin

Some contain ns/fw implications.

“Who stuck a cabbage in a ruin guard?” “I drowned on land!” “I need an adult!” “Lemme guess, you want all three of them? … [Deer screech]” “Kaeya needs to chill with the ice puns.” “HIMBO ONI HIMBO ONI HIMBO ONI” “THOMA! My bro my guy my dude-“ “I’m getting serious Ukanlos vibes from this guy…” “I could listen to Zhongli’s stories all day.” “Aaand there’s the boba tea.” “I mean, I have over 50 beetles he can pick from; do we really need to look?” “I think Albedo wants to knock me out with a shovel and do some weird ass experiments on me. I’m not gonna kink shame though.” “Can Zhongli be my dad please?” “[Spits out drink] Okay, I see why Childe is so clingy af…” “So Kaeya has Klee on a baby leash, but he’s the one being dragged.” "... Did she just pull a sword out of her boobs?" "I'm having burnt chicken tonight!" “Hold on, I’m beating up a mushroom.” “What’s an egg doing on stilts?” “I gotta take Tartaglia out for walkies.” “I ain’t smart enough for this shit.” “THAT’S your morning routine?!” “I saw tree nuts-“ "I did all of that hard work, and all I got was a bucket." “Wealth is the foundation on which civilization is built. Anyway, I found a potato.” "Seeing Diluc beat an Abyss Mage with a giant fish is surprisingly satisfying." "Why is there a chicken leg in the pond?" "I mean, I get to beat up a Childe every week, so I'm satisfied with that." "Well, that was sussy as- Oh, hey a pineapple." "I keep finding Zhongli graffiti everywhere." "If he keeps hovering over the water like that he's gonna... drown..." “Get in the circle get in the circle get in the circle-“ “What’s self preservation?” “Childe, shut up.” “God, the way he says that line sounds so creepy...” “Wait, there’s a Dendro Barrel right th-” [BOOM] “I must admit, Ayato trying to make his signature dish is... interesting... While getting a normal dish, I can get a sus dish or his sig dish... He’s trying his best.” “Benny-boyo.” “Oh, someone’s playing Benny already... uhhhhhhhh Itto.” “Oh, I am DEFINITELY kink shaming you!” “STOP CLIMBING THE DOOR!” “I can’t believe Alhaitham is more ripped than Itto.” “Why is THAT an achievement?!” “Do you intent to shoot yourself in the knee? With a bow and arrow?!”

[givemethatgold]

Fix’er Upper Pt. 3

Pairing: Eventual Frankie Morales x F!Reader Warnings: Clumsy injury, more stupid fighting Length: 2.5k Notes: If these two dummies could have one (1) adult conversation they’d be in bed together by now. Instead, we get this! *waves around vaguely*

PART ONE, TWO

Money was tight. You had been trying to ignore the dwindling stack of cash, telling yourself that you didn’t actually need to fix the cracked drywall, replace the old oven, or fill in the missing patches of shingles. 

That ignorance had finally come to bite you in the butt. You were rudely woken at three a.m. to the clap of thunder and the pat-pat-pat of rain hitting the house. You loved storms, the excitement of the lighting, and how fresh the air smelled once the rain had passed. 

You rolled over onto your back so you could watch the lightning flashing between the cracks of your curtains. A tap on your forehead quickly destroyed the excitement you were feeling. The wet ‘splat’ was quickly followed by another, and another, and before you were able to scramble up and search for the closest thing resembling a bucket, it had turned into a steady stream.

“Fuuuuuuuck!”

The next morning, the sun rose and shed its light upon a beautiful scene. The leaves, now free from dust, were beginning to turn, the grass glimmered with raindrops, and the sky was clear. You, on the other hand, were a verifiable disaster. 

Hair unkempt, heavy bags under your eyes, and wearing the first items of clothing you could find in your scramble last night. Your exhaustion was so complete, it hadn’t even dawned on you to change or freshen up a bit before going out into the public eye. All you could focus on was getting to Hank’s Hardware and buying all the shingles you could get your hands on.

Once again, however, you were harshly reminded of your dwindling savings and just how expensive fixing up a house could be. The owner, Allan if you remembered correctly, had shown you the right size and style for your home’s roof and you nearly choked at the price.

“You know,” he had said gently, “we do have the option of a payment plan. I don’t let just anyone use it either. It’s for trusted customers. I have a good gut on who I can trust.”

“Really?” You asked, feeling a little pathetic while also knowing now was not the time to let pride ruin such a good thing. “And, um, what does your gut tell you about me?”

“Welllll,” he smiled, hooking his thumbs into his suspenders and leaning back a little to size you up. “You’re hard-working, feel like you have something to prove, won’t back down from a challenge, and are in way over your head with that damn old house.”

“Oh.”

“No offense, ma’am! Sometimes I forget myself and talk to strangers the same way I’d talk to my friends.” He patted your forearm gently then hooked it back into his suspenders, pretending he didn’t notice you jumping at the physical contact. “But it’s true. No denying you won’t be able to shingle all by yourself. I’d offer, but I’m in no shape to be climbing up roofs.”

“That’s very sweet of you, truly. But I’ll manage! I doubt I could afford a handyman, so it’ll be me and my stubborn self scrambling around up there.” You joked, but it fell a little flat since the both of you knew it was the truth.

“I’ve got an idea...” Hank trailed off, his gaze searching around by the till. “Maybe you two can help each other out?” He fiddled at the computer for a minute, then grabbed a flyer from the corkboard mounted behind the counter before handing you two pieces of paper. One was a receipt of what you owed him after this latest excursion and a detailed timeline of when small payments could be made. 

Glancing up at him, you gave him a watery smile and thanked him for being so kind. Allan waved you off and pointed to the second paper.

‘Help Wanted’ it read, ‘Morales Acres. Light physical labour, quiet environment, rate of pay dependent on quality of work.’

“So friendly and welcoming,” you murmured, sarcastically, under your breath. Not quietly enough though because Allan snorted out a laugh and agreed that the ad was worded very abruptly. However, he vetted for the owner of the farm and suggested you head over to see if he would be willing to trade labour for labour.

Or at the very least, you thought, pay you so you can afford a roofer.

Following the directions Allan had provided for you, you quickly found Morales Acres. Surprisingly, it was a very short distance from your own home, making you wonder if the owner had been one of the people to drop by during your first weeks here.

The driveway was a beautiful, winding drive. The view of the farm was obscured by thickets of trees on either side of the road but you managed to catch glimpses of a pond and a few bales of hay before rounding a bend and driving into the yard.

A small gasp left your lips at the sight. It was picturesque! Something out of a travel magazine, or on every city girl’s Pinterest board. The driveway came to an end in front of a statuesque barn painted in the classic red and white, stone walls cordoned off certain areas that, from where you sat, looked like they could be used to house sheep or hens. A few small sheds were lined up along the other edge of the yard but the main attraction was the neatly lined rows of apple trees all heavy with fruit.

Climbing out of the cab, you slowly made your way into the yard with your mouth hanging open dumbly. It was just so peaceful here and it was obvious that the owner cared deeply for the property. You were enchanted and fell immediately in love.

“You must be the help Allan called to say he was sending over,” a warm voice rang out.

Looking around for the source your gaze widened, then immediately hardened, when you caught sight of who was talking to you.

“You!”

“You?!”

To say it had been a smooth business agreement would be a total lie. You and Market Asshole, Frankie you reminded yourself to call him, had bickered back and forth for the better part of an hour before shaking hands. Surprisingly, you had both argued more for the other person’s benefit, something you had been mulling over since.

If this guy was such an ass, why was he also acting like his help with your renovations wouldn’t be worth as much as you picking apples? You knew your presence disturbed his peace, and that you weren’t as strong as he might have hoped his helper would be, and he still hadn’t trusted you with all the workings of his orchard. 

So, while you weren’t going to argue anymore, you knew you were getting the better end of the deal: you help him gather his harvest and get it safely stored in the barn, then he spends the same amount of hours helping you. While the weather during September was prone to drizzle, you had convinced him that a tarp thrown over the baldest patches of roof would be fine and that the apples couldn’t wait. 

He had grumpily conceded your point but had sworn that as soon as the last of the fruit was picked he’d be over to do a proper job of it. So continued the uneasy truce between the two of you for the past four weeks. The first week was the hardest as your hands, unaccustomed to work, blistered, and your muscles ached from sudden use. You had initially tried to pass the time by making conversation but you got the hint and stayed quiet once Frankie started choosing trees farther and farther from yours.

Slowly, however, the blisters healed and gave way to callouses. Your muscles became accustomed to the work and you were able to carry twice the amount as you had started off with. Your home could now boast electricity and running water everywhere it should be, and the pile of discarded furniture had been reduced to ash by a spectacular bonfire which Jacquie and her family had joined you in admiring.

Today started off as a normal day. You showed up for harvesting at the break of dawn, having discovered you much preferred the cool morning air over being up on a ladder with the midday sun beating down on you. The trees were obscured by a low fog that had yet to burn up, but you knew what section you needed to start on. 

Enjoying the way the fog enveloped you, making you feel like you were in a magical world, you began to hum and your steps took on a dreamy dance-like quality. You had never taken lessons or had even been allowed to make such a spectacle of yourself while living with Brad but now you felt free enough to spin, twirl, and glide. Overcome with the joy your freedom gave you, you began to belt out “These Are a Few of my Favourite Things”, The Sound of Music having been played on repeat when you were a child. 

Once you reached the ladder, you hoisted the basket onto your back and continued to sing whatever songs you could remember while you worked. A particularly boisterous rendition of “Do Re Mi” had you flinging your arm out wide and leaning back on the ladder for a dramatic finish.

The apples threw you off balance. 

With a screech, you fell backward, managing to twist yourself around to land awkwardly on your hands and knees instead of on the basket of apples strapped to your back. You seemed to have come away unscathed, with just scratched knees and a throbbing in one wrist. Thankfully it wasn’t your dominant hand.

“Whoa!” Frankie called out, catching sight of you on the ground with the ladder tipped on its side, “Everything okay? Are you okay?”

Coming to a skidding stop next to you, he grasped the basket and slipped it off your back with ease. 

You took a few deep breaths and nodded. “Fine! Fine, just bruised knees and ego...” you assured him.

“What were you thinking?!” He tore into you, “You could have broken your neck! Or ruined a whole barrel of apples! Then what would I do?! This job doesn’t come with health insurance for Christ's sakes!” Running his hands through his curly, brown hair he let out a huff of air and walked over to where your ladder lay on the ground.

“Un-be-fucking-lievable!” You called out, incredulously. While trying to get to your feet, to march over and wag your finger in his face, you put too much pressure on your injured wrist that caused pain to scream down your arm.

You managed to mask the cry of pain as a cry of frustration and got to your feet. Surreptitiously cradling your hand against your chest, you grabbed another basket and walked past Frankie to start climbing the ladder again. Looking at the ground so he wouldn’t see the tears of pain in your eyes, you mumbled, “I’ll be more careful, alright? I’m sorry.”

Stopping your ascent with a hand on your arm he stuttered out what might have been the beginning of an apology but he couldn’t quite seem to put the right words together so he just cleared his throat.

“Just...” he said in a much softer tone, “just be more careful. Okay? I can’t lose my best worker.” 

The lame joke made you smile despite yourself. 

“Employee of the month,” you replied in a dry tone, “hurrah.” 

You shared wry smiles while a silent apology passed between the two of you. His dark brown eyes held a warmth to them you had never noticed before. Their hue reminding you of every tree in the orchard from the early light to the sunset, golden flecks reminiscent of the sun. His face, weathered from so much time spent outdoors, was marked with laugh lines, worry lines, and a small scar gracing his left cheek. 

Your eyes wandered past the scar to note how long his scruffy facial hair had grown and how it had started to obscure those pleasantly pouty lips. 

Then, with a start, you realized you were staring at this infuriating man’s lips like a hormonal teenager. With an embarrassed squeak, you quickly scurried up the ladder, hooking your elbow around each rung to avoid any more pressure on your wrist.

To say Frankie was coping well with having someone around would be a gross overstatement. 

It’s not that he didn’t like the company or wanted to be alone. The problem was that he was starting to like her company too much, to care too much. And caring too much had been the root cause of all Frankie’s sorrows.

First, there had been his Dad, trying to impress the man who never even wanted kids. Then the force, always feeling like he needed to prove himself and desperate for praise. After that was his wife, ex-wife, and trying to be someone he wasn’t so she would stay interested and in love. The pressure created by caring about these people and the expectations they had for him drove him to abuse drugs. Then his friends came calling and Frankie went against his gut because they had cared so deeply about something and he had cared deeply for them.

His wife, his kid, his family, his job, his friends. He had cared more than they did and he had come away worse off. At least now he was clean and sober, and was very aware of the irony of him now making and selling an alcoholic drink.

No, it was best to stay alone. He loved too freely and put too much stock in being loved back and every. single. time. it hurt him.

So, he closed himself off from you. Initially, he didn’t think it was going to be an issue, especially considering how you two had met. But then he found himself smiling at your stories, idly leaning against a branch so he could watch your graceful moments. He hated watching you leave, knowing you were going home to that piece of shit house that he should really be fixing up for you.

He recognized the signs and nipped them in the bud; working farther away, replying to questions with the fewest possible words, focusing purely on work, and maintaining a professional relationship. It pained him to push you away but deep down he knew it was best for the both of you.

Which brings him back to this moment.

Frankie was too stunned to notice your awkward climb up the ladder. Standing there, dumbly, for another few seconds. Wondering, all the way back to the idling tractor, what the hell had just happened.

One minute he was just driving the tractor minding his own business and the next he was having a mild heart attack after seeing his only worker laying limp on the ground. Then, after arguing like usual, you had shared a...a moment and stared at his mouth almost long enough to tempt him to use it.

Part Four

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@rebelliouscat @pedro4ever @speakerforthedead0 @yespolkadotkitty @ilikechocolatemilkh @weirdowithnobeardo @pedro-pastel @disgruntledspacedad @a-skov @trash-dino-5000 @reader-s-cantina

[newtonsheffield]

hi Molly!!

i absolutely adore Newton so maybe some headcanons with him and Kate when she first got him and you know their first days together i remember there was a fic when she got him from Mary and Eddie but i couldnt find it anywhere

Hiiiiii!

I’m skipping you ahead in my queue because I just feel like we all need some Newton today no? 

So Mary and Edwina gave Kate Newton in Dormant as a congratulations on her new job. And maybe if it doesn’t get cut for time next week we might get Mary and Edwina making the decision to get Newton. 

But in the meantime You wanna see Kate with baby Newton? Then Kate and Baby Newton you shall see!

Kate had woken that first day, a little confused. There was a soft weight pressed against her chest, and something cold and wet was pressed under her chin, right against her neck. Her eyes shot open and she remembered. A tiny corgi puppy was curled against her chest, his little collar hanging off his neck a little because he was small. She’d tried to put him on the little dog bed she and Eddie had picked out when they’d left Mary’s. And Kate had tried to be strong when he’d started whimpering, his tiny little cries echoing through the room so soon after her own had. And she’d been strong, for approximately 35 seconds before she’d rushed back across the room and scooped him up holding him close to her chest as he’d yawned, making himself comfortable against her side and she’d whispered Maybe we can comfort each other hey?

It quickly became apparent that Kate was not capable of being firm with Newton. In any way. Newton scampered over the flat whining and crying, trotting around carrying Edwina’s bathrobe by sash, carrying Kate’s slippers, their living room littered with stuffing from Newton’s toys. Kate! Please! This has to stop! This is the third robe I’ve gone through since you got him a month ago! Edwina had said brandishing what used to be a bathrobe and Kate had felt a little guilty sure, but then she’d looked down to throughly chastise Newton, and his little eyes had looked up at her, his tongue lolling out happily and her heart had clenched when she’d thought how he’d sat in her lap just night as she held herself together at the seams her breath coming in sharp gasps against a pillow so Edwina didn’t hear and the admonishment came out as a soft Oh, Buddy in a very disappointed tone. Edwina scoffing walking away with her hands in the air I never should have told Mum to get you that dog!  Kate went out and got Edwina a new robe after work, leaving it on her sister’s bed. Edwina’s arrival home was welcomed with an audible sigh and You can’t just write a very cute note from him and expect me to forgive him! Kate smirked to herself still in the middle of washing ink from Newton’s paw. Apparently I can! 

Kate maintains to this day that it wasn’t entirely Newton’s fault that Edwina ended up in a pond. She really shouldn’t have been standing so close. But she had been. It had been a Sunday afternoon and they’d decided to take Newton to the park and bask in the sunshine before the weather turned too cold for the rest of the year. And Edwina being who she was had decided she wanted to take some seed and feed the ducks and geese that always seemed to be on the water. And Kate had hung back and watched her younger sister smiling delightedly as the geese honked and jostled for position, her nose wrinkling in delight, a soft smile on Kate’s own face. And then Newton Newton had tugged sharply on his lead. Startled Kate hadn’t been quick enough to stop him and Newton went barrelling forward like a little blur with a speed that Kate privately thought was quite impressive, towards the assembled birds. And Kate realised a little too late he was not going to correct his course. Eddie! Look- but it was too late Newton and shot between her legs, clipping one as he launched himself towards the birds, Edwina tumbling in soon after him with a startled Jesus Fuck!  And there she sat, Edwina Sheffield, the face of Burberry, in a duck pond ,drenched as Newton paddled happily around her. And Kate couldn’t help but laugh. Loudly.               

[fericita-s]

The Princess and the Barbarian

A Helnik tale, rated T.  As Matthias recovers from a gunshot wound, Nina tells him the story of the Princess and the Barbarian. He interrupts a lot as his Fjerdan sensibilities are bothered and the Ravkan propaganda gets to be unbearable.  Thank you @theburnbarreljester​ for beta-ing and for reminding me that we’re all here for the biting and trembling of lips.

Previous Chapters

Chapter 6

Inessa studied the landscape from the edge of the cave.  She could see endless green sloping hills, the curved slice of a river, and the rocky path that led to her place of captivity.  Her bound wrists were staked to the rocky ground of the cave and she could loosen the metal and slide out of the chains.  She usually did for the first hour the barbarian was gone each day.  But as the sun moved to the center of the sky, she knew it best to chain herself again and stay inside the wide, hard-packed confines of the cave to keep her ability to escape a secret.  He seemed to think her powers were limited to fabrics and she didn’t want to alert him on what exactly she could do.  She’d leave as soon as she knew where she was and had something better on her feet than her ruined dancing shoes.

Her best guess was that the barbarian had her in the woods near Halmhend, well into Fjerdan territory.  She’d have to cross either the Permafrost to get to Chernast or go south through the forest to Ulensk to make it back to Ravka.  If she escaped through the ice, she was likely to lose fingers or worse on the journey.  And the nightly shrieks and howls from the wolves coming from deep within the woods were enough to make her long for even the barbarian’s comfort. 

He rarely gave it.

On the first night he’d told her to stop her weeping for the dead with a harsh “The dead can’t hear you mourn but the living can.  I might not be able to save you from the wolves or my countrymen if they come in force.”  Then he’d made her burn her only remaining item of clothing and as the chemise went up in flames he’d given her his roughspun shirt. It still bore his scent even weeks later though she probably could have fabrikated that away if she wished.  It felt like armor, being surrounded by the smell of the tundra and the smoke of campfires, even the trace of his sweaty musk.  Like the volcra or the howling wolves or enemies she might find in this land would pass over her if she was disguised in his shirt and scent.  It was a small comfort, but she clung to it.  When he was off hunting or asleep she liked to run the fabric between her fingers, to run her hands underneath where the coarse material hit her thighs, not quite mourning that she’d never had a wedding night, but curious about what it would feel like for this barbarian to make her fully his.  

He stayed bare chested in the cave and Inessa studied him like works of art she’d seen at the Grand Palace.  He had cords of muscle along his arms and across his chest and his back was made up of hard planes that she surprised herself by wanting to run her hands across, to feel if Ravkan and Fjerdan bodies were made the same. 

Once he’d thrown an elk carcass at her feet and demanded she cook and clean it, but she’d retched instead.  Disgusted, he prepared the meat himself and then ate with an intensity and such a lack of decorum that Inessa stared, horrified and transfixed. He fed her too, bringing a jeweled goblet of mead to her lips and calling her “princess” in a way that was very different from the servants at Os Alta, like he was mocking her for being so useless.  

He’d spent the next few days rendering the fat and making soap, stripping and treating the hide, drying the remaining meat in long strips.  She’d watched it all without offering to help, but unable to look away from the way his arms looked while ripping bone from sinew, how the steam off of the cook fire made his long hair curl at his temple. 

The cave was primitive but did have some comforts.  She slept on what she assumed must have been his bed - a pile of furs and a hay pallet - while he slept by the entrance of the cave with his back to her. There were goblets like the one he offered her at meal times and stacks of animal pelts and barrels of mead and kvas arranged neatly against the side of the mountain.  

Every night before he moved her chains to the bed and tied her there instead of the middle of the cave he asked about the Shadow Fold.  He called her witch, he called her an abomination, he called her a privileged princess who didn’t know the havoc that such evil invited into the midst of the living. And each night she told him she had no idea how it was formed, who formed it, or how to extinguish it.  She wanted to yell “It made me a widow and an orphan! Don’t you think I know the cost?” but cried silently instead, fabrikating the furs into the same soft heaviness as her quilts in the Grand Palace.  Each morning she turned it back to fur, knowing he’d make her burn what he found changed.

She walked back into the cave and recited her daily prayers to the saints, beseeching them to safekeep her brother The Emperor and his wife and children.  To keep the volcra confined to the Shadow Fold and to banish it forever.  To see her in her suffering and give her a way to return home. 

She heard the barbarian’s heavy footsteps behind her and then his voice, angry and rough.  “What spells are you muttering, witch?”

“I’m saying prayers for my family.  I can pray for you too if you’d like.”  She turned to look at him and he scowled. 

“I’ll take none of your prayers. Only Djel is the true maker and god.”

“You were gone longer today.  Where did you go?” she asked, hoping he might mention the name of a town or a river that would help her figure out where they were, how she could leave.

“I was buying you this,” he said, throwing a bundle at her.  “You can only have it if you promise not to alter it.  No magic that would attract the volcra or widen the Shadow Fold.”

She began to unwrap the fabric strips and shook out the material inside.  “It doesn’t work like that, fabrikating doesn’t -  but then she stopped, struck by the absurdity of what he had given her.  “This is a Fjerdan dress.”

“Yes.  It is.  Because you are in Fjerda.  And because it is not proper for you to be wearing only my shirt as the days begin to turn colder.”

Inessa let one hysterical giggle leave her throat.  That was what he found improper? Her wearing his shirt?  He’d kidnapped her from her family and had her chained in a cave.  And now he wanted her to wear the dress of a Fjerdan woman.  She wished she’d studied their customs more closely, she might have been able to guess which town this was from based on the embroidered hem or the silver buttons on the sleeves. But then, another idea took form.

“If you want me in a new dress, please, let me bathe first.  It’s been weeks.”  Perhaps she could glimpse more of the terrain, gain a better understanding of where she was and how she could leave.

He looked at her for a long moment, a flicker of something in his eyes that she hadn’t seen before.  “Alright.  I’ll take you to where the beavers have made a dam.”

He unchained her from the ground but kept her hands bound, which meant she stumbled as she picked her way across the rocky path.  He walked behind her, catching her under the elbow when she lost her footing and once grabbing her waist when she pitched towards the edge of the cliff.  New clothes would help her in an escape attempt, but unless she had better shoes she wouldn’t get far.

The small pond created by the dam was clear and cold and Inessa gasped as she put her foot in. “Will you unchain me? So I can bathe?”

“No.” He thrust a chunk of the elk fat soap into her hands, a hard glint in his eye.  “I will bathe you.”

She looked at him just as fiercely and then pulled his shirt over her head, shimmying awkwardly around the chains, so that she was standing bare before him with the shirt bunched up over the restraints and the tightly clutched soap.  He pulled a knife out of its sheath by his waist and cut the shirt away from her.

“I’ll burn this tonight.  Get rid of the witchy stench.”

Inessa was horrified to feel the prick of hot tears in her eyes as she stood naked in front of him, listening to the same insults he’d thrown at her daily.  She turned and walked into the water, biting her lip against the cold and then submerging herself fully, trembling as soon as she surfaced for air with her eyes closed.  She wiped at her eyes with her bound hands and then the barbarian was there, holding her head in his hands and using his thumbs to wipe the water from her eyes. 

 The water and his words were cold, but everywhere his hands touched her felt hot.  He was still warm from their walk to the dam and she could feel it radiating off of his bare chest as he ran his hands along her forearms and then her upper arms and shoulders.

“I should not have brought you here to defile these waters.  All waters feed Djel and are fed by him.  We drown witches in these waters for his glory.”   He rubbed his fingers in between hers and then scrubbed at her fingernails with his and she was acutely aware that he’d shucked his pants and boots and was as bare as she was. “But we have a saying, the water hears and understands.  The ice does not forgive.  Djel will forgive me for this transgression; it is in the service of keeping his people safe from your magic.”

“I don’t need you forgiveness, or that of the ice, either,” she snapped, shivering.  The water was icy cold and with his words came the sensation that she was being drowned in them.  

He took the soap from her and rubbed it over his hands until he formed a lather and then carefully slid his fingers under the chains around her wrists.  He scrubbed her gently and silently and she tried to control her gasping breaths by calling to mind memories of home.

“My mother’s soaps smelled of lavender,” she said and he grunted in response.  “For her evening baths.  Jasmine if it was in the morning.”  She closed her eyes again, trying to remember the scent of it, the way it felt comforting and certain.  The way it meant her mother was near and she was loved.

“Are Ravkans so dirty that they must bathe twice a day?”  Her eyes flew open and she scowled.

“You're the barbarian!  You haven’t bathed since well before you stole into Ravka, I’d wager.”  She shivered and he dropped her hand.

“I’m bathing now aren’t I?” He handed her the soap and then went under the water.  He emerged with his back to her and she watched as droplets of water ran down his back.  His long hair was dripping and darker now that it was wet and he soon had it in a lather.  He went under again then rose towards her, reaching for her chained hands and pulling her to himself.  He took the soap from her, worked to make suds, and then buried his fingers into her wet hair.  

It felt exquisite.

He scratched at her scalp and then down to the base of her neck and onto her shoulder blades, rubbing more soap along her back and down towards the curve of her bottom.  She closed her eyes again and gave herself over the sensation of being made clean as his hands explored new places: her thighs, her ankles, a palm across her breasts that made her gasp and bite her lip again.  He held her elbow as he dipped her under the water and when she emerged free of the filth and blood that had clung to her for weeks, she felt new. 

He gave her a blanket to wrap herself in and they sat on the rocks at the edge of the dam watching the dying light of the sun as it edged closer to the horizon across the vast Permafrost to the west.  They were farther east then she’d realized.  Perhaps close to Chernast.

His hair was drying quickly and he ran his hands through it, tugging at knots in the golden strands.  He looked young like this, perhaps even as young as she was.  She might have offered to braid his hair, but her hands were shaking from the cold annd her own wet hair and she wasn’t sure what she’d do if her hands were in his hair.  Strangle him?  Rub it between her fingers and press her face against it? Both seemed like a good idea.

“We leave now.  Before it gets dark.”  He pulled his clothes on but she made no movement to put on the dress he’d given her.  She definitely couldn’t manage it with the chains and even if she wasn’t chained, she’d only ever been dressed by lady’s maids.  

He turned as he finished pulling up his pants and used his chin to point to the dress.  “Put it on.”

“I can’t do it like this,” she said, raising her arms and showing him the chains.  

He was silent as he walked to her and picked up the dress, separating it into three pieces and a pair of pantalettes that fell to the ground.  He knelt down and held the layered skirts open and she stepped into them, stumbling into his chest as she lifted her leg.  Her loose, wet hair encircled his head and he drew back as if stung. He rose and then turned her so her back was to him and cinched the ties at her waist, looping them roughly into knots. Then he spun her and undid the chains around her wrists with a key from his pocket.  

“Steady now.  Put your arms through.”  He helped her into the bodice and then the woolen vest that covered it, his fingertips skimming the exposed skin at her waist before he drew the laces closed and tied them as well, his head bent over his work and inches from her chest.  

“What’s your name?” she asked, like he was a new lady’s maid and she’d have to remember his name for when they repeated this routine in the morning before a gilded mirror and a porcelain washbasin.  

“Iver.”  He picked up the pantalettes and bent down to one knee as he held them for her to step into.  She placed her hands on his shoulder.

“Thank you for the dress, Iver.  And for the bath.  My name is Inessa.”

“I know,” he said and then chained her hands once more before he stepped away from her, walking towards the path that had led them here.  “It will be dark soon.  Best leave now.”

She followed him back to the cave in silence.  He built a fire and cooked a rabbit and he asked the same question he asked every night.  And even though her answer was the same, everything changed.

“Inessa, do you know anything about the darkness that made the fold?  About the fold itself?”

“No, Iver.  I don't.”  

He looked at her across the flickering light cast by the fire and she thought of how much the shadows it cast looked like the volcra.  How the red flames looked like the bright bursts of blood she’d seen the day of the volcra attack.  He moved to her slowly and then reached for the chains at her wrists, undoing the lock and then rubbing her wrists as the heavy links fell away.  Inessa looked at his hands on hers, so large and now so gentle, and when he pulled away and stood, she wanted to reach out and draw him back down.  She wanted to touch every inch of his skin, to know the way each cell melded together, to feel him as he joined with her, to understand the making of him.

“There.  You sleep like that now,” he said, and then stalked off from the cave and into the night.

[classic-laugjhing-hollywood]

What! No Beer? (1933)

Elmer J. Butts, taxidermist, goes to a dry rally, where he follows the beautiful Hortense and her gangster boyfriend Butch Laredo into the meeting hall. He sits by Hortense, only to be thrown out after the speaker asks if they want liquor back in this country, and he calls out "Yes!" The next day, Jimmy Potts, driving a car covered in pro-booze stickers, brings a fish to Elmer's shop for stuffing. It's Election Day, and there's a referendum on Prohibition on the ballot. Jimmy convinces Elmer to vote wet, and they go to the polls only to cause confusion and collapse the booths.

Later, at Jimmy's barbershop, the radio reports that the country has voted to repeal Prohibition. At a hotel, a group of Spike Moran's gangsters realize that their bootlegging operation is washed up. They wonder what Butch will do. At Butch's place, Hortense asks if this means that she can't have her Rolls Royce town car. Butch tells her she'll be lucky to have a wheelbarrow, and he shoots the radio. Back at the barbershop, Jimmy breaks off of the celebratory conga line to tell Elmer his million dollar idea: buying a brewery. Elmer wants to be rich, too, so he can marry – and he has $10,000 hidden in his stuffed animals. They collect the money and take it to the president of the bank that foreclosed on the local brewery. Jimmy's offer of $10,000 cash plus $5,00 a month is quickly accepted.

Elmer and Jimmy arrive at the brewery, toting bags of supplies. They find three unemployed homeless men there, and they hire them. After dousing themselves with an unpredictable water hose, they assemble the ingredients for a five gallon batch of beer in the huge tank. It only makes a small puddle at the bottom of the tank. They realize that they need 500 gallons, so after donning raincoats, they start work. Later, they open the vat. Suds bubble up over the top. They bottle as much as the can, having several mishaps with exploding bottles and foam piling up over their heads.

They put up a sign: "Real beer – 5 cents" and wait for customers. Instead the cops come in and raid them. The vote didn't repeal Prohibition, it was only advisory. In court, the judge reads the charges and Jimmy protests that it's persecution, but the chemist reports that it wasn't beer, it was only brown dishwater. On the stoop outside the brewery, Jimmy consoles Elmer on the loss of his nest egg. Jimmy goes in and talks to the workers, and one, Schultz, reveals that he's a master brewer. To make back Elmer's money, Jimmy decides to make real beer and tell Elmer that it's near beer. Weeks later, Spike and Butch meet to discuss who's cut in on their racket. Butch vows to kill him.

Spike and an associate interrupt Elmer, who's reading a book: Modern Salesmanship and Big Business. Spike offers to buy 1,000 barrels a day, and gives Elmer $10,000 down payment. Full of the advice from the book, Elmer agrees. Spike says that his partners stay partners as long as they live, and he leaves. Elmer tells the three workers that they need to increase production, then goes to the State Employment Bureau for 50 more men. After they start work, Jimmy comes in and learns about the contract; he has a meltdown. He puts the $10,000 in his overcoat pocket, which he hangs on the office coat rack, and leaves. Hortense drives up and pretends to twist her ankle, so Elmer must rescue her and carry her to the office.

After she fakes a faint, he douses her with water, so she takes off her dress and puts on Jimmy's overcoat. She vamps Elmer until he mentions that Spike is their partner. Having learned what she came for, she leaves. Jimmy comes in, looking for his overcoat. Elmer tells him that Hortense has it. When Jimmy tells him about the money, Elmer doesn't mind: she's the girl for whom he wants to make a million.

Hortense tells Butch that Spike is working with the brewers. When the $10,000 falls out of the coat, Butch calls her a tramp and hits her. She calls Elmer and he asks about the money. She denies seeing it, but he tells her to keep it and buy herself a Rolls. He asks her out on a walk in the park the next day. She's appalled. At Spike's office, two men say that Butch threatened to kill them if they picked up the beer. Elmer volunteered to deliver it. At the brewery, Elmer drives the truck away and down the street. Butch's men decide to kill him at the top of a hill, but the trucks' tire blows out halfway up, and the barrels fall off of the back and chase the gangsters away. Jimmy arrives, and Elmer mourns the loss of the near beer. Jimmy explains that it was real beer, and they're involved with gangsters. Elmer won't leave town, because he's got a date at the park.

Hortense and Elmer picnic, until a paperboy calls out the news: there's a new gang war. Hortense kisses Elmer, sending him into the pond, and leaves. At the brewery, Jimmy learns that Butch killed Spike. Butch arrives and announces that now he's their partner. Elmer comes in and tells them that Hortense loves him, but Butch asks "does she?" Meanwhile, the cops are planning to raid the brewery. Back at the brewery office, Hortense intercepts a man who's going to tell Butch about the raid. On the brewery floor, Butch orders that no one may come in or out, and he posts guards on all of the doors. While giving Elmer the brush-off, Hortense slips him a note about the raid. Elmer escapes in a barrel, grabs a blackboard, and drives away. He shows what he's written on the board to everyone on the street: Free Beer at the Brewery. The factory is mobbed, and by the time the police arrive, there's no beer left.

Later, a Senator speaks to Congress, telling the story of a town in his state where the gangsters were put out of business when the people stormed the brewery. He calls for an end to Prohibition. After the headline "Beer Legalized", crowds cheer, grain gets harvested, and beer gets made and delivered. At Butt's Beer Garden, Elmer and Jimmy arrive in an open car. Jimmy offers free beer, and the two get mobbed for autographs. The crowd steals their clothes, too. Hortense joins and asks if Elmer is hurt – he isn't. Jimmy, holding a frosty brew aloft, addresses the camera: "It's your turn next folks. It won't be long now." He blows off the head and chugs some down.

[maybeimamuppet]

the second first date

this week on ezzy can’t title: this. quick tw for brief discussion of self harm and a mentioned suicide attempt, but this is 99.9999% cute fluff.

-

Cady had a tendency to talk in her sleep, as Janis had learned during several sleepovers. Most of the time it didn't make sense to Janis (or Cady the next morning) but wasn't particularly concerning. Things like:

"Janis. I hate oranges." Good to know. Or, "Janis, the birds are back." Mildly alarming, but they she didn't seem bothered by them. Or, "Janis, why do we have eyebrows?" A valid question.

Occasionally it was cute little things, like:

"Janis, you're my favorite." Janis had to fight to contain a squeal. Or, "You're so pretty." Janis just blushed violently and continued listening. Or, "I need more snuggles." Obviously, Janis pulled her closer and kissed her forehead.

And every once in a while it was something particularly ominous that kept Janis lying awake after, like:

"When did I die?" Huh? Past tense? Or, "How does it know?" How does what know? Or, "Don't mess with me, I know lions." A genuine threat, thankfully not aimed at Janis (she hopes).

Which is why Janis is more than a little concerned when Cady suddenly sits bolt upright in the middle of the night, Janis bracing herself for whatever strange things will come out of Cady's sleep addled mind next. But then Cady turns to her, and she's awake.

"I never got to take you on a surprise date. Our first date was your turn, I never got my turn," She says blearily, eyes full of genuine concern.

"Shh, baby. You can start planning your surprise date in the morning. Go back to sleep, it's late, Princess," Janis croons, pulling Cady back into her embrace.

"Mmkay," Cady hums, seeming content with that as she tucks herself into Janis' neck and falls back asleep almost immediately.

-

When Janis wakes up the next morning, Cady is already at her desk, scribbling away in a notebook. "Why are you all the way over there?" Janis whines sleepily, reaching for her.

"Because you pushed me out of bed and stole all the blankets, you loon. I figured I might as well get started planning," Cady giggles, coming back over for their morning cuddles.

"What do you have so far?" Janis asks, her voice still rough with sleep.

"The whole point is that it's a surprise, Jay. You'll find out when it happens," Cady answers, pulling Janis into her lap.

"Fine," Janis grumbles. She likes knowing things. "When is it happening?"

"Saturday?"

Janis checks her calendar on her phone, sometimes her mom makes her watch her sister on Saturdays. "Works for me, baby," She answers when nothing appears.

"Good," Cady answers. She's has about a week to prepare now, which she needs. She only came up with half an idea.

-

One Janis goes home, Cady immediately pulls out her phone and sends a text to her group chat with the former Plastics.

africabytoto: Guys, I'm taking Janis on a date Saturday and I only came up with an idea for part of it, can you help me????

Gretchen, as always, answers first.

fetchen: You could just take her to dinner or something?? That's always nice

It does sound nice, but not quite right. Janis' ideas were both perfect, Cady wants to do even better for her.

ofmiceandkaren: Gretch took me to a bookstor on our first date!! I picked a storie and she red it to me by the pond! 📷‍📷️‍📷‍📷📷📷📷📷

africabytoto: Aww, that's so cute! Nice name btw

ofmiceandkaren: thanks !! I picked Of Mice and Men but spoylers, ❌📷 it is not even about mice. Gretchie sayd I shuld make it my name anyway 📷📷

That idea is much more Janis, she loves to read, but it still doesn't feel quite right. Maybe they'd do it on another date. Ironically, Regina comes up with the best idea.

bowdownbitches: the fair just opened for the year, you could take her there. Janis loves roller coasters and stuff. or she used to, anyway.

africabytoto: Gina that's perfect!!!! Thanks guys, I'll see you at lunch tomorrow 📷📷

Cady's only seen fairs in movies and has always wanted to go to one, so it's a slightly selfish endeavor, but she does remember hearing Janis rave about them.

——-

When Saturday finally rolls around, Janis is slightly panicked. Cady only told her to wear good walking shoes and dress "decent but not fancy", as if Janis had any idea what that meant. Damian was out of town for the weekend, so she can't ask him to dress her like she normally does.

Then she remembers that she has a baby sister who is actually very good with fashion for her age, so she goes to the top of the stairs to call for her.

"Juju!"

"What?"

"Can you come pick my outfit for my date tonight?"

And suddenly her sister is barreling up the stairs top speed, nearly plowing her down. Apparently she's excited. Janis leads her to her bedroom, opening her closet and dresser drawers for Juliana to dig through.

"Gimme your phone," Julie says once she enters.

"Why?" Janis asks suspiciously, but unlocking and handing it over anyway.

"So I can ask Cady where she's taking you, duh," Julie answers.

Julie taps into her messages, scowling a little at the Cady Girl 📷📷 contact name. Gross.

Jellybean: hey it's julie, janny asked me to pick out her clothes, can u tell me where ur taking her?? i'll delete the messages so she doesn't see

Caddy Cakes: Haha I believe it, but prove it's really you first. Janis is sneaky like that.

Juliana snaps a selfie of herself making a peace sign, showing Janis laying face down on her bed in the background.

Jellybean: Sent a picture: crisis mode Janis feat. me

Caddy Cakes: Aww poor thing D:

Caddy Cakes: I'm taking her to that pottery painting place and then to the fair.

Jellybean: god you two are so sappy. thanks, cady

Caddy Cakes: Not a problem, just make sure to delete these!! Love ya kiddo 📷️

Though she's loathe to admit it, that does get a grin out of her as she deletes the messages and passes the phone back to her sister.

Juliana goes to root through the drawers first, pulling out Janis' favorite swirly tights and a white long sleeved shirt with black roses painted onto it. She lays them on the bed and goes to the closet next, pulling out a plain black skirt, Janis' doc martens, and one of her painted denim jackets.

"Go put this on and then I'll do your hair and stuff," Julie demands, shoving the pile at her sister.

"Yes, ma'am," Janis says, immediately heading into the bathroom and putting everything on. Julie did very well, as she always does.

Once she comes back, her sister sits her on the ground to do her hair, pulling it to the side opposite her shave and braiding it loosely over her shoulder as she tells Janis what makeup to do. It's almost exactly what she normally does, but with black lipstick instead of her usual purple.

It's a rather monochrome look other than the jacket, but Janis decides she's into it as she looks in the mirror. She goes over to ruffle her sister's hair in thanks, barely getting to before the doorbell rings.

Julie rushes past her to get the door before Janis can, throwing the door open and wrapping her arms around Cady's waist. It had taken her a long time to forgive Cady for what she had done to her sister, but once they started dating Cady had tried very hard to form a bond with her. It had worked.

"Oof," Cady grunts as an eleven year old that's roughly the same size as she is suddenly collides with her. "Hey, mini Jay. How are you?"

"Good. Janis is losing it." Julie answers as she lets her go, hiding behind her to avoid Janis' wrath as she yells "Watch it, kid!" from the top of the stairs on her way down.

"Hi, lovey," Cady coos from where she stands in the doorway, instantly melting away Janis' tough facade and earning her a small scowl from Juliana. "You did good, Jules. These are for you, by the way." She says, handing the little one a small bouquet of pink roses.

"You look cute," Janis says once her sister runs away to find a vase with a happy squeal. She really does, Cady's in a grey jumpsuit with a pink leather jacket on top and her white high tops, and her hair is styled in the same way it was when they first met. Janis always loved that little braid crown.

"So do you. Juju really did a good job," Cady purrs, cupping her cheek with her free hand to finally kiss her. "Is your mom home? These are for her," She says, brandishing a larger bunch of tulips.

"I think she's in the kitchen. Mama!" Janis calls, her mother appearing down the hall. Janis just gestures to the flowers.

"Yes? Oh, hi Cady. Ooh, these are beautiful, thank you, hon," She says, taking them and hugging her gently.

"You're welcome, Ms. Sarkisian," Cady answers, returning her embrace. She's also had to work pretty hard to get Janis' moms trust back. She's incredibly thankful Ms. Sarkisian was so forgiving.

"I've told you to call me Ettie, doll. Ms. Sarkisian just makes me feel old," She tuts, Cady knowing there's no way in hell she'll ever be able to refer to her girlfriend's mother by her first name, and especially not a nickname. "Janis, can I expect you home tonight?"

Janis looks at Cady, who shakes her head. "No, I'm gonna spend the night at her house if that's okay," She answers.

"Of course it is. Just be safe and responsible, you know my boring rules," Ms. Sarkisian responds, handing over her always-ready sleepover bag. "I love you, baby girl. Have fun, ladies. Call if you need anything." She pushes them towards the door after Janis hugs her goodbye tightly.

"Your mom is the best," Cady says once they're alone on the porch. "Anyway, theeeeese are for you." She hums as she grabs a bundle of something from the bench next to them.

Janis had been a little confused as to why her mom and sister had gotten flowers and not her, but it makes a bit more sense when she looks to see the bouquet of... paintbrushes?

"You remembered what brand of brushes I use?" Janis asks, almost in awe. The brushes are tied together with a little purple ribbon, the bow a little sloppy. A personal Cady touch.

"Kind of. I remembered what they looked like from watching you paint all the time and then just wandered around some craft stores for, like, two hours until I found ones that matched," her girlfriend answers.

Janis is touched. "I- thank you, baby. I've been needing new ones," she mumbles, touching the soft end of one gently before leaning down to kiss her. She's a little worried, those brushes are kind of expensive.

"You're welcome, darling. Now let's go, we're gonna have fun!" Cady cheers, dragging her towards her little car by the hand and opening the door for her.

Cady is going into her maps app as Janis buckles her seatbelt, tapping a few times to get directions to the first destination. Suddenly, the loud, robotic voice of Siri reverberates through the car, saying, "Starting route to You're Kilning Me! Pottery House," and making them both jump.

Janis starts practically cackling as Cady frantically tries to stop Siri ruining the surprise, yelling "SHUCK!" over the voice. "It was supposed to be a surprise," she pouts once the phone finally goes quiet.

"Oh, baby, it's okay. I still don't know the second part," Janis offers, as Cady genuinely looks distressed. "And I've never been there before, so it's still kind of a surprise."

"Fine," Cady grumbles. "Do you actually want to go here? We can go do something else if you think it's lame."

"No! Baby, this sounds fun," Janis comforts, pulling her into a hug across the center console. "I'm always down to paint, you picked this because you knew I would like it. Let's go decorate some cute little trinkets." She pecks Cady on the nose gently before letting her go.

"Thanks, Jayjay. Now stop being so nice, tonight's about you," Cady demands, taking her hand as they pull out of the driveway.

"As you wish, Peanut," Janis giggles.

——

The place isn't totally Janis' vibe, but she does have to admit it's very cute. The walls are a lime green and covered in various colored handprints, and there's shelves with hundreds of white figurines ready to be decorated.

"So... I thought we could pick and decorate something for each other? If you want," Cady says shyly, squeezing Janis' hand gently.

"Of course I want, Princess. That sounds adorable. Now close your eyes, it should be a surprise," Janis says, letting Cady go to browse the shelves. "No peeking."

Cady covers her eyes with a giggle. "Okay, Jay, I won't."

Janis looks for a minute, nearly picking a little lion piggy bank before remembering Cady already has so many lion things. She finds a butterfly figurine, looking as if it's about to take off, tucked away on one of the lower shelves. Butterfly is her personal favorite nickname for Cady. It's perfect.

She tucks it into her jacket so Cady can't see it before going and pulling her hands off her eyes. "Your turn, Peanut," she says, finding a table that has a divider in so they can paint their things without the other seeing.

Cady comes to find her a few minutes later, resting her jacket over the back of her seat and plopping herself down. Janis hears a little clink as Cady rests whatever ceramic thing she's picked on the table.

An overly cheerful employee comes over to give them their palettes and bottles of glaze, as well as a little chart explaining how many layers to apply for different results. Janis immediately goes for magenta, purple and dark blue, deciding to paint one of the wings of her butterfly as the bi flag. Cady's been wanting more pride stuff.

Cady watches Janis work for a second before remembering she also has something to decorate. She found a coffee mug with a matching coaster in the shape of a paint palette, which is very Janis. She loves coffee.

One by one Cady works her way through the colors of the rainbow, painting little heart-shaped paint splotches on the coaster and colorful drips down the side of the mug. Janis looks a little confused as to what she could be doing with all those colors, but doesn't question it. Cady decides to take a break once she finishes her first layers, watching Janis who is working intently and chattering away at the same time.

"What are you looking at?" Janis asks once she notices her, switching to grab some yellow glaze.

"My beautiful girlfriend," Cady flirts, laughing when Janis flushes with a slightly embarrassed squeak.

"You're not so bad yourself, babe," She manages once she's recovered.

"Thank you, Jay. So what do you think of this place? Be honest," Cady says, grabbing a thin brush and some black glaze to continue decorating the mug.

"It's cute! I'm having fun, we should come back here sometime," Janis answers as she starts sketching some little in-jokes about their relationship on the butterfly's other wing. She's kind of regretting painting it yellow; the colors don't really go together, but yellow is Cady's favorite.

"Good," Cady hums. "But I'm more excited for the next part."

"Where are we going next?" Janis coaxes.

"Nice try. One part of this date is going to be a surprise or so help me," Cady grumbles as she very carefully brushes 'I love you' on the very bottom of the inside of the mug.

"Fine," Janis fake-pouts, moving now to paint the legs and antennae of the butterfly.

-

Once they finish putting the final layers of glaze on, they carefully bring up their beautiful creations (one at a time to maintain the surprise) to the front desk to be fired. Cady would pick them up once they were done in about a week.

Cady makes Janis wait outside the car as she puts in the GPS information to keep the location a surprise, and starts digging through her bag for something as Janis is finally allowed to slide into her seat.

Eventually she finds what she was looking for, brandishing a bandana to be used as a blindfold.

"Kinky," Janis teases as she begrudgingly takes it and ties it around her eyes.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, you loser," Cady huffs, reaching out to tickle Janis to make sure she can't see anything. She apparently can't, because she shrieks with laughter as Cady's hand wiggles over her ribcage before grabbing it to hold, lacing their fingers together.

Cady reaches to turn the radio on to keep Janis entertained, giving her hand a squeeze before unfortunately letting go to drive safely.

——

Cady hops out first once she parks, going around to Janis' side and helping her out before spinning her around and untying the blindfold.

Janis blinks a few times, letting her eyes adjust to the light before letting out an excited gasp at what she sees. They have about half an hour before the sun starts to go down, and they're surrounded by neon lights, loud noises, and delicious smells. It's beautiful.

"The fair?!"

"Yeah! Um, I couldn't come up with anything other than the pottery place and Regina said you liked roller coasters." Cady says, almost nervously.

"I do! This is tits, let's go in, come on!" Janis pecks her cheeks a few times excitedly before grabbing her hand and hurrying towards the gates. Cady realizes distantly that she left her jacket in the car. Oh well. It's May now, and it's a warm evening. She'll probably be fine.

Cady buys their entry wristbands, getting the kind that allow them to go on as many rides as they want. She fumbles with hers for a minute before Janis tenderly takes her hand, fastening the paper bracelet around her wrist and pressing a kiss to her palm.

"Thanks, love. Where do you want to go first?" Cady asks, lacing their fingers together and swinging their arms back and forth.

"Can we ride that?" Janis asks, pointing to the single largest coaster present. Cady's never been on a roller coaster before, but how bad could it be?

"Sure," Cady hums, looking up at the massive metal structure. "Let's go."

Janis makes Cady stand by the height measurement sign as a joke, taking a picture as Cady pouts. "I'm not that small," She huffs.

"Baby, you're barely a foot over the height requirement. You're always gonna be my little Peanut," Janis hums, squishing her in a tight hug as they stand in line.

"I like being Peanut, I guess," Cady sighs jokingly. She actually kind of likes being small, it has its uses. Like for cuddles.

Janis chooses the very front seats, wiggling excitedly as they get harnessed in.

Once they reach the top of the first hill, Cady decides she does not like roller coasters as much as she thought she would. This thought continues as they hurtle around the track, going much faster than Cady appreciates. She thinks they go upside down at one point, but by that time her eyes are so tightly shut that she's not totally sure.

"That was tits!" Janis cheers as they finally come to a blessed stop, helping Cady out of the cart.

"Uhhuh," Cady mumbles, trying to stop her hands shaking. Janis turns to look at her once they're a ways away, surprised to find her much more pale than normal and her clear blue eyes wide and frightened.

"Oh, baby," She hums, pulling Cady into a tight hug. "You didn't like it?" Cady shakes her head frantically and buries her face into Janis' chest. "Shh, it's okay. We won't go on any more. You pick what we do next."

"No, this is your date. You get to pick everything," Cady says, calming in Janis' tight embrace.

"I pick we do something you want. You look miserable," Janis says, pulling her back gently to kiss a few freckles.

"Thanks," Cady says sarcastically. "Can we go check out the game thingies?"

"Sure, angel. I bet I'll win you a stuffed animal first," Janis says, taking her hand and leading them towards the stalls.

Cady winds up winning first, her muscle memory from Africa helping her win the dart toss. She picks a sloth with velcro paws, taking it and wrapping the arms around Janis in a little hug. Janis wins the water shooting one, picking a big alpaca shaped thing with yellow fur. Cady takes it excitedly, squeezing it tightly. It's very squishy and soft.

Cady's recovered enough by that point to go on a few tamer rides, so Janis leads them over to something called the Scrambler. It looks sort of like some kind of sea monster, with multicolored carts that spin around and are also orbiting a central structure. She holds Janis' hand as well as the bar holding them in, still nervous from her encounter with the coaster.

But once they get going, Cady loves it. Feeling the wind hitting her face reminds her of being on the Jeeps in Africa, and the motion makes her stomach flip in a way she enjoys this time. Janis is just watching her as they go around, smiling widely as Cady laughs freely the whole time.  Gradually, they come to a stop, Cady cheering "Again! Again!" once they finally come to a complete standstill. Janis obliges, taking her hand to get them back in the short line. The Scrambler is one of her favorites, too.

Janis asks if she'd like to try going on some massive slides, Cady looking up at them curiously. They're about as high up as the roller coasters, but people seem to be moving much more slowly down them, so she agrees to try them at least once. They get in line, Janis grabbing a rug for them to go on together. They start climbing the many, many stairs to the top, both of them puffing slightly by the time they're led over to their slide.

Janis lays their mat down, holding it down for Cady to get on before following after her. She pulls Cady closer to her, pressing her chest against her back and holding her around the waist. Cady holds onto the handles of the mat and the worker gives them a gentle push to get them finally going. Cady giggles the whole way down, which was Janis' goal. They're going so quickly they nearly crash into the wall at the bottom, Cady barely managing to stick her feet out at the last second. The force knocks Janis down flat on her back, Cady following and tipping her head upside down to grin widely at her.

"That was fun!" Cady cheers, standing and holding her hand out to help Janis up.

"Do you want to go again?" Janis asks, knowing the look in her eyes well by this point. Cady nods shyly, Janis just taking her hand and leading them back to the end of the line. She's noticed Cady only seems to have an issue with height and speed at the same time, one or the other is okay.

Once they've gone on everything at least once, they decide to finally get some dinner. As they walk over to the food stalls, Cady tucks her alpaca under one arm and holds out the other to Janis. "Hey, can you hold this for me?"

Janis turns from a few paces ahead, thinking she's talking about the stuffed animal until she looks down. "Your hand?"

"Yeah," Cady nods seriously. Janis takes it with a chuckle.

"You're such a dork, I love you."

"I love you too, but I'm very hungry, let's go," Cady begs, tugging on Janis' hand.

"Okay, okay, slow down," Janis laughs.

Cady really wants to try a funnel cake, so she buys one for them to share while Janis gets a bucket of macaroni and cheese and some fried Oreos.

They feed each other little bites of the mac and cheese, stealing a few kisses every now and again in between. Once that's done, Cady pulls their plate of various fried goodness over and just stares at it. Janis tears off a bit of the funnel cake for her to try, getting her fingers sticky with the powdered sugar.

Cady tries it and her eyes go even wider than they did on the roller coaster. That's delicious. Janis laughs at her reaction, but supposed she should've known. Cady loves sweets.

"That's so good!" Cady squeals, almost shaking as the sugar starts to hit. She immediately tears off another bigger piece.

"It's fried dough and sugar, of course it's good," Janis teases, tearing off a chunk for herself. "Now try one of these."

She hands Cady one of the fried Oreos, Cady taking it and nibbling at it almost nervously. It is also delicious, but almost too sweet for her tastes. She likes the cake better. Janis takes the other one, immediately shoving the whole thing in her mouth.

"Oh, Jesus, I shouldn't have done that," She says once she's swallowed it. "No regrets."

Cady gathers up all the trash once they finish, throwing it in a garbage can nearby before turning to her girlfriend. "You have sugar on your lip, come here."

Janis thinks she's just going to wipe it away, letting out a startled squeak when Cady suddenly pulls her behind a stall, pushing her up against it and kissing her hungrily. Usually Janis is the one initiating this kind of thing, but she's certainly not complaining at Cady taking charge.

They're both panting by the time they break apart, looking more than a little disheveled. Janis had noticed Cady's soft skin was rather cold to the touch, and when they pull back she can see her shivering. "Baby, where's your jacket?" She asks, concerned they lost it somewhere.

"I left it in the car," Cady mutters, leaning into her for warmth. "But if I go get it I won't be able to get back in. I'm fine."

She's clearly not, her teeth are almost chattering. Cady's still not totally used to how cold it can get in Illinois. It's almost totally dark now, and very chilly.

Janis pulls off her jean jacket and wraps it around Cady. She's swimming in it, the oversized fabric practically swallowing her tiny girlfriend. Cady's hands don't even come out the sleeves.

Janis notices Cady's jacket paws moving, she's flapping her hands. That's a stim she only does when she's either very upset or very excited, and judging by the wide, delighted grin splitting her face, it's the latter.

"I love you," Cady suddenly hums, throwing her arms around Janis tightly.

"I love you too, baby. So much," Janis says, squeezing her back and kissing her hair softly. "They're gonna close soon, is there one more thing you want to do before we go?"

"The ferris wheel? I've never been on one," Cady hums, resting her chin on Janis' chest and looking up at her.

Janis really does not like ferris wheels, but she can't resist those big blue eyes blinking up at her. She supposes she can make an exception.

"Fine, but if we get stuck up there you have to cuddle me the whole time, I'm scared of heights," She says, taking her hand and leading them towards the large circle illuminated by colorful lights. It is rather pretty, from the ground anyway.

They get in line just before the cutoff for the night, Cady staring up at the massive structure with wide, curious eyes. Janis is strangely comforted seeing that almost childlike wonder on her face. Cady deserves to experience it at least once, even if she does have to spend it holding Janis the whole time so she doesn't panic.

Janis is further comforted when their cart is purple, which is her favorite color. Unfortunately, any semblance of safe feelings leave the second they start moving, Janis clinging to Cady's arm.

"How did you enjoy that roller coaster and the slides if you're so scared of heights, Jellybean?" Cady asks, holding onto her girlfriend tightly.

"Because the height doesn't last on stuff like that, you're just up there to get going and then it's done," Janis huffs. Cady gets distracted once they hit the very top, gasping excitedly at the view and reaching for her phone to take a picture.

She snaps a few before turning it around to selfie mode, leaning in to cup Janis' cheek with her other hand and kiss her gently as she takes another few photos like that. "Thanks for letting me come up here, Jay. We only have to go around one more time before we can get off."

"It's okay, baby. It's actually really pretty up here. As long as you don't look down," Janis hums, leaning in for one more peck. She breathes a sigh of relief as they approach the ground and gives another sharp exhale as they go up again.

Sure enough, once they reach the tip-top, the ride screeches to a halt, and a voice calls up from the bottom to tell them they're stuck up there indefinitely.

"Ah, fuck," Janis groans. This was exactly what she didn't want to happen.

"Oh no," Cady says, concerned for Janis. "Um... we could play a game? To pass the time?"

That doesn't sound terrible, but they don't have anything to play a game with up here.

"Like what?" Janis asks, trying to keep the tremble from her voice. Focus on Cady.

"Um... we could go back and forth and say something about ourselves that the other one doesn't know yet?" Cady hums anxiously, holding Janis tightly.

That doesn't exactly sound like a game, but it would work well enough to keep Janis' mind off the fact that she's dangling  thirty-odd feet in the air in a heavy cart.

"You go first," Janis says, tucking her face into Cady's neck.

"Okay," Cady chuckles, kissing her head and running her fingers through Janis' hair gently. "Um... Od uoy wonk I nac klat sdrawkcab?"

"What the fuck?" Janis says, pulling back to look at Cady's smug grin.

"I can talk backwards. Any word," Cady says.

"Wh- How do you do that?" Janis asks in awe.

"I dunno. When I was learning how to read I taught myself to do it backwards too. Don't ask, I was an odd kid. I just picture the word in my head and then flip it around," Cady answers.

"Prove it," Janis challenges. "Say... um... what's my name backwards?"

"Sinaj," Cady says immediately.

"I love you."

"I evol uoy."

"Peanut butter."

"Tunaep rettub."

"That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard, that's so cool," Janis squeals.

"Thanks," Cady giggles. "Your turn."

"Oh boy, um... did you know about these?" Janis asks, pulling her two half-heart necklaces from where they're tucked inside her shirt.

"I've seen them but I've never read what they say," Cady says, taking them gingerly to read the charms. One says 'big sis' and the other has been painted to say half of what she can only assume is 'best fucking bitches'. "Who has the other pieces? Julie?"

"No, Damian," Janis answers, which makes Cady burst out laughing.

"That's so cute," She says breathlessly once she's calmed down. "My turn then, um. Do you know how I got my name? Or the spelling of it, anyway.

Janis shakes her head. She loves her Cady with a C and a D and a Y, but it is a little strange.

"This is just what my mom told me so it could be a joke, she likes to mess with me a lot. But she got to name my brother so she let my dad name me, and he was in a band when she was pregnant with me. He wanted to give me a sort of musical name like Harmony or something, so he picked Cadence and my mom said yes as long as it could be Cady on my birth certificate. She thought he'd regret it eventually and wanted me to have a more 'normal' nickname," She says.

Janis tries to imagine Mr. Heron, the dorkiest, kindest, shyest man she knows in a band. Does not compute. "That... kind of makes sense, actually, other than your dad being in a band. Did they ever call you Cadence?"

"Actually, yeah, when I was really little my dad always called me that. And when I got in trouble back in Kenya that's what they called me," Cady says, looking as if the secret to the universe has been revealed to her. The story must be true, then.

"That's wild as hell, Chip Heron in a band," Janis says, also looking a little shell-shocked. They'd have to ask him about it later. "My turn. Did you know Gretchen comes to the gym with me sometimes?"

"No, really? That's so sweet," Cady coos.

"Yeah, she asked me a while ago if she could come with me every once in a while to help her anxiety and stuff. She does more cardio and things like that than I do, but we spot each other when we need to and I started going to a yoga thing she does. It's kind of nice to have a workout buddy."

"Aww," Cady says. "I'm glad you guys are becoming friends again."

"Honestly, I am too. Gretchen really isn't so bad. She gushes about Karen all the time too, so I like getting to hear all the juicy stuff about them," Janis chuckles. "Your turn, Peanut."

"I can't think of anything," Cady whines after thinking for a second. "You think of something you want to know about me."

"Okay, I can do that," Janis hums pensively. "Were you born in Kenya?" She asks after a while. Cady's never mentioned anything before her life in Africa.

"No, we didn't move there until I was three, I was born in Oregon. We've always followed my parents' work," Cady answers. "My parents always said it was very exciting having a toddler who wouldn't talk to anyone running around the tents."

"You must've been so cute," Janis says, wondering if she can con Cady into showing her some baby photos.

"I was," Cady answers as Janis makes the mistake of peeking over the edge, snapping back over with wide, terrified eyes. "Oh, darling, why would you look down? Come here."

Janis thinks she's about to pull her into another hug, surprised when Cady pulls her mouth to hers and kisses her softly. Desperate to forget that they're stuck very high in the air, Janis kisses her back eagerly, her girlfriend responding in kind. Janis has always wanted to make out with someone on a ferris wheel.

One of Cady's hands cradles Janis' jaw, thumb stroking comfortingly over her cheek, and her other arm is wrapped securely around Janis' waist to hold her close and safe. Janis flicks her tongue at the seam of Cady's lips, tangling a hand in her auburn curls as she does. Cady lets her in, nipping softly at her bottom lip to tease. Janis would very much like to continue this when they're on the ground.

She's so lost in her girlfriend she almost managed to forget they were still stuck, until there's a deafening clank and a terrifying sort of metallic grinding sound. She pulls back with a startled squeak as they start moving, lipstick noticeably smeared as she buries her face in her girlfriends shoulder. At least they're almost out.

There's a sort of off-brand Snoopy down by the exit, Janis sinking into a hug with him and just repeating, "Snoopy it was so bad. We were stuck up there, Snoopy." For a while until Cady drags her away. Snoopy waves at them almost sadly as he watches them go.

——-

Once they're in the car on the way back to Cady's house, Janis realizes that Cady told her one more fact than Janis told her. She knows Cady likes things to be even, so she decides to level it out.

"Hey, we stopped the game before we told the same number, do you want to hear one more from me?"

"I always want to know more about you, Jayjay," Cady answers, focusing on the road.

"Okay, have you seen this?" Janis asks once they're at a stoplight, shuffling her left sleeve down to reveal her small semicolon tattoo on her wrist.

"No," Cady says, tracing the little picture tenderly with her finger. "What does it mean?"

Janis rolls her sleeve down further to reveal the faded scars lining her arm, wincing a little at Cady's sad gasp. Janis thought she at least knew about those, but she doesn't wear short sleeves very often and the scars are very faded.

"I started self-harming after everything happened with Regina in middle school. Damian didn't tell you, but I was actually pulled out for the rest of that year because I was recovering in the hospital from a suicide attempt. I tried to overdose on one of my mom's prescriptions," Janis explains.

"Oh god, Janis," Cady says sadly, gently running her finger over her arm before she has to start driving again.

"I got my stomach pumped in the hospital and my wrists stitched up, so my mom found out I had been cutting and I had to go to an inpatient therapy place. That's how I started art therapy, actually. But once I got out my mom let me pick something cool to do to celebrate, and for some reason she let me get a tattoo even though I was fourteen. She has one that matches."

"That's so sweet," Cady says, heart still hurting for her girlfriend. She came so close to losing Janis before she ever even found her. "Why a semicolon, though?"

"Because I was an English nerd," Janis answers with a sardonic chuckle. "Semicolons and periods are usually interchangeable, an author uses one when they could have ended a sentence but chose not to. I decided I was the author of me, and I wasn't ready to end my sentence yet. It helps to look at it when I'm having a rough time."

"That's beautiful, Janis. Do you, um, still...?" Cady asks quietly.

"No, no," Janis rushes out. "Damian and my sister both made me promise to stop. I've come close a couple times, but I've been clean since the end of sophomore year. I haven't even thought about it in almost a year."

"Good," Cady breathes with relief. "I'm really glad you're still here, Jay. I love you so much."

"I'm glad I'm here too. I think a lot about what I would've missed if... if it had worked, and I'm always so glad it didn't. I love you too, Caddy," Janis says, trying not to cry. Too many emotions for one night.

They spend the rest of the drive home in comfortable silence, Janis playing with Cady's fingers contently once Cady gives her her hand as they get into slower streets of the neighborhood.

Cady goes to greet her parents and hug them goodnight once they enter, Janis heading up to Cady's room to get changed into her pjs. She's glad their parents all trust them enough to let them continue to sleep in the same bed at sleepovers, probably because they only get up to anything raunchy when they're sure nobody's around. She would miss the snuggles if they were separated.

Cady changes into her Lion King pajama set, putting Janis' jacket back on over top and crawling into bed after her with her new alpaca. She switches on the nightlight Janis had gotten her for Christmas, looking up at the colorful swirly patterns it paints on the ceiling.

"You gonna sleep in my jacket?" Janis asks, resting her head on Cady's chest gently.

"Mmhmm! It's comfy. Soft. And it smells like you," Cady hums, pulling her closer.

"What do I smell like?" Janis asks, a little worried.

"Vanilla and paint, but your hair smells like apples," Cady answers drowsily, stroking her fingers through Janis' hair. "Mostly you just smell like home. I know I'm safe whenever I can smell you."

Well that's just about the sweetest thing Janis has ever heard. "You're so precious, you know that?" She asks, tilting her head up to kiss at the underside of Cady's jaw.

"So you tell me," Cady jokes weakly, followed by a yawn. "It's your turn to be little spoon, I'm sleepy."

Janis is frankly amazed that Cady made it this late, it's nearly midnight. She leans up to kiss her goodnight before she turns to face the wall, cuddling with her own new sloth stuffie and feeling her small girlfriend press up against her, squishing her cheek against her back and wrapping an arm tightly around her waist to pull her closer.

"G'night, Jay. I love you," Cady yawns.

"Goodnight, Caddy. I love you too," Janis answers, grinning to herself.

A perfect date with my perfect girl, she thinks as they slowly drift off to sleep, dreaming of each other.

-

thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought.

also, disastrously, I am starting to run out of ideas, so please leave any ideas you want to see me write either here, on my wattled, or on my ao3. all are just maybeimamuppet.

lots of love,

ezzy