#work has been so stressful that I’ve started getting panic attacks every time I wake up in the morning (: | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rianafying · 1 year ago

Text

journal entry time i guess

idk what i said in my last journal entry or how much of my chaotic life my journal is up to date with, but i’ve started earning a little more than i used to and things have been nice. going pretty smoothly. which is pretty shocking, considering how incompetent and inconsistent i am prone to being. i’ve been calm. i did have a full on panic attack this morning, but i did the steps and went back to normal in a few hours. i bought some cornflakes for myself as a treat. i wanted to get cinnamon toast crunch but they don’t have that at woolies, and the closest thing they have is cinni churros (mini churros dusted w cinnamon sugar), i’ve had them before and they’re good but they’re expensive, so i just got the honey nut cornflakes. oh here’s a thing, in bangladesh, cereal in general is called cornflakes regardless of whether it is actually flaked corn or not. obviously not in every family, but in mine and many other i know, this is the case. and by far the most popular cereal option is kellogg’s chocos. but i’m not a chocolate girl, so actual corn flakes for me thanks. (only second to cinnamon toast crunch, whatever that is made out of, toast? crunch? is it made out of crunch??)

i went on a walk like i have been doing everyday lately, just got home and i’m excited to take a shower and have a bowl of my good stuff. super excited. after that, i’ll prep for tomorrow’s shoot. but it’s in the evening so i’m not too stressed out. and it’s just one model and one outfit. so all good.

i have that stupid ass crush on this person that i spoke to once and now im posting stories on MESSENGER? trying to get their attention, it’s so dumb im. there is no excuse or explanation for this it’s pure pathetic. but i can’t stop thinking about this person. what do i even want out of this? nothing. because i don’t even like myself enough to let someone else like me. and they probably don’t even like me. which is fine. it’s fiiiiiiiiine. it’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

don’t they know it’s the end of the world. anyway, for some reason i think the movie of my life end this year. i’m not gonna do anything, but it feels that way, like, the credits are about to roll after the melancholy christmas scene. it just weirdly makes sense. that i won’t make it to next year. you know when a horrible death is juxtaposed with a nice new year’s eve kind of song or like the ending credits kind of song. i’m thinking of “the end of the world” by skeeter davis, but im not married to it.

i’m tired of it all actually. i’m tired of everything. i’m not devastated though. but i feel like im just done.

my journal entries are not supposed to make sense, and so they won’t. i’m literally writing it as i’m waiting for my scalp medicine to do its thing. my psoriasis has been completely out of control, and i’ve stopped trying to control it. i just go through the motions, i put on my medicines and oils when i can, and i do my homework, when i can, i wake up i do my chores and i go to sleep. and even at my happiest, i don’t think it’s worth it. i’m getting older, and i knew i’d be doing this by myself, and i know it’s not changing, ever.

maybe i’m just not that good at anything, and im fine with that, just let me step aside, i don’t want to participate anymore. i just want to get away. i want to stop. things are getting better and even in the scenario that everything works out as i hoped, i still don’t want it. what do i want? i don’t even want to read books or watch movies. but i still do. because that’s what i’m supposed to. i don’t even care anymore. i can’t think of something i care enough about. enough to stick around. i don’t know why or how my journal took this turn i thought i was doing fine but looks like im kind of not doing that well.

i’m so tired. i’m so so tired, please. but i know i’ve been much more tired before and i still was okay. so i’ll be okay. i will. but. i’m so tired. i took that test and i scored 100% on positivity and 5% on happiness. and that checks out. i’m not ungrateful, but im not necessarily happy. but i don’t like to let people know im not happy. because they take it as a chance to point out my flaws or to give unsolicited advice. i don’t even care. m

i’m just a little overwhelmed. maybe i need to stop trying to be okay all the time and actually go through the emotions instead of pretending they’re not there. i can’t be numb forever.

maybe i need to just feel super sad tonight and not do anything. i really feel like binge eating. i’ve been kind of doing that recently. not really full on binging but eating more than i *need* to. which i can’t afford to do for too long. i’m just scared of letting food go bad and of idk, not having food, because that does happen to me on weeks when there are surprise expenses. but it’s not as bad as it sounds, i don’t even eat that much regularly.

IM SO DISTRACTED. i’m so distracted and i can feel my heart beating faster than it should even though i am in bed trying to RELAX. idk what is wrong with me. things are no where near perfect but i am doing much better than i was a couple of months ago, better than last year, better than any year before. i think.

but i wish i was doing better than i am now. nothing too crazy, i wish i had the time, money and energy to properly clean and decorate my room. and to be able to pause worrying about bills and food constantly. hopefully ill figure out how to do things better so im a step above just making ends meet. things are actually good and getting obviously better, then why am i still so upset? why do i complain so much? i just feel like ranting and ranting and ranting because im avoiding the things i should actually be doing. such as cleaning and homework. but i have such a hard time getting started. what with adhd and all. and i cant believe i posted a story on facebook after so many years just so some random stranger will give me attention, what’s that gonna do? nothing!!!

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah i just can’t do it, i can’t do things. i can’t do anything. I just watched 3 episodes of rory in yale and im in uni right now!!! isn’t that crazy? i’m living that life! i moved out, i live in my room which isn’t exactly a dorm room but it’s a unilodge so it’s close enough, and then what? i just feel like crying and i don’t even know why???? i’m not even that lonely, like i talk to my cousins and my friends all the time. i’m caught up with people, i meet people all the time, i participate in activities. i’m doing my best, i got 85-97% in all my assignments this trimester, and i just have two little assignments and an exam to go before my holidays start. but then the real difficult thing will begin. which is cleaning my room, which is the most godawful task to have ever been invented. but i’ll do it, and it’ll be hard and tiring and lengthy, and then what? do i get to enjoy myself? no i have to get a fucking job in hospitality or something, and earn extra money during my break. why does my scalp literally hurt. oh right because i have a severe chronic autoimmune disorder that makes my whole body flare up and makes my nails hurt. i love life 😍.

no but seriously, of all the things that could go wrong, psoriasis is still easy mode. i’m grateful. i’m very very grateful. you know what, it doesn’t really feel like i have the worst combination of problems like it used to feel before. like my eating disorder is kind of under control. so is my anxiety and depression. like it’s all still there but it’s not that bad? is it time for me to come to terms with the fact that the person i have a crush on is never going to text me again? but isn’t that nice? like isn’t that ideal? isn’t that literally what i wanted/want? it is actually. i think i just need some validation. it’s crazy how i end up wanting more validation when im on social media vs when i’m off of it for months. maybe after my trimester ends, i’ll get off of social media or figure out a solid plan to stick to that ensures i don’t spend too much time on socials, because it not only eats up my day but also makes me feel awful about myself.

it’s crazy how out of touch with my feelings and myself i get when im on social media. it’s decided then. i will severely limit my social media usage during my holidays. actually starting now. that’s one thing. and i’ve started walking regularly again, so that’s also good. what else, i go to therapy regularly, and i am journaling. i’m managing my money better? i’m doing the best i can. i’ve been emotionally self sufficient. i’ve been self aware and i have not been doing that bad. i’m being kind and forgiving to myself and to everyone else as well. i’m a better person now than i used to be, not necessarily in terms of intentions, but more in terms of consequences of my actions. but also because i’ve simply had the energy to do more for myself and for others. can’t fill their cup if my own is empty. things are good. i need to do something about my mood swings. this person i was talking to said to take cold showers to feel better and i would rather pour vinegar into my eyes than do that. but maybe i could give it a try. no i absolutely couldn’t. even the thought of it is jarring.

#personal #journal entry

4 notes · View notes

thatguyrobin · 2 months ago

Text

Sick sick SICK of my health getting worse. I’m so fucking fed up with finding out new stuff wrong with me that I just have to learn to live with.

Went for an emergency eye appointment today cause I’ve been getting new weird visual disturbances, most distressingly a bright white flash that covers most of my vision when it occurs. Immediately worried it was another possible retinal tear/detachment I made this appointment. Good news is, it’s not that. Bad news is, it’s just another part of the retinal/ocular migraines I seem to be getting pretty fucking consistently right now. Which is obviously way less bad that the alternative and I’m grateful BUT there’s nothing I can do about this sort from just learn to live with it, and any future fucked up visuals. Retinal migraine along with hemiplegic migraines cause so much anxiety cause they can replicate other very serious problems, and where I don’t actually get the headache part of the migraine, how am I ever going to know??? Again, glad I don’t get the headache part cause that sounds awful but it would also be a very obvious way to know it was ‘just’ a migraine. Instead of stressing whenever my arms go weak or my vision goes weird or I feel like I’m gonna fall over even when I’m literally just sitting down.

ALSO had a heart appointment (with an accompanying panic attack on the walk through the corridor - yay trauma ✨) only for it to be a complete waste of time cause they only did an ECG and not an echo like always, cause all the slots were taken up. Now have to go back in a few weeks for that too, and I’m soooo jazzed cause the hospital is my absolute FAV place to be /s

To top it off this last week has been full of nonstop nightmares and trauma-related nightmares and the amount of sleep I’m getting is shockingly bad because of it. Shit makes me scared to go to bed cause I don’t wanna wake up 2 hours later scared shitless and unable to get back to sleep. Get though the day with the inevitable (again, interrupted) nap and repeat.

ON A GOOD NOTE, however. I’ve been using my exercise bike which was SUCH a good investment because 1) I can’t really go out and 2) my bones hurt, but where this is low impact and literally in my flat I can do it whenever I want to, so I’m finally getting consistent exercise which is helping my weight loss alongside my calorie deficit (plus I’m actually cooking real food - granted, the most basic stuff, but gotta start somewhere!). Lost 6lb since I started 4 weeks ago and I’m so happy it’s actually working. There’s also the bonus of getting to do maths every day which is fun, and I can see the progress written down which helps keep me at it.

Life has its ups and downs and I’m so appreciative of all the good things that have been happening lately, but sometimes I get bummed out by the bad bits too, and that’s allowed.

0 notes

icanonlybe-human · 2 years ago

Text

A lot has happened.

Obviously it was Christmas/holidays and I got two weeks off work. It was the first Christmas without Pop, so everyone was quite emotional. Except me. At this point I’m starting to believe that my brain refuses to feel any emotions unless they’re extreme.

We also went camping which was really nice. We had some really good moments, like watching a lake with moonlight turning the rippling surface of the water into dancing fireflies. Or a rosella waltzing right through camp within an arm’s reach of me. Or watching a black stallion race across the flats with it’s herd (including a baby). Or viewing the magnificence of nature with waterfalls and caves that have taken millions of years to form.

But I also learnt that Mum and Dad are planning on going to the Grampians. And I’m not invited even though they said I’d always be invited to their big adventures. I feel more and more like I’m third wheeling whenever I’m around Mum and Dad. It used to be the three of us against the world, but now it feels like it’s Mum and Dad and I’m the afterthought.

And then, Z texted. And even though I’d had trouble sleeping in that fucking bedroom every time we were sleeping at Mum and Dad’s place, everything came flooding back. For the first time in a year, I cried myself to sleep again, but not just out of pain this time. For the first time since high school, I felt sheer rage. Still do. And it’s because Z didn’t just text me to say he wasn’t coming to a meet up that his parents were coming to. He did it because he wants to get back in touch. Three years later and I’m still fucking broken after what he did to me, after he took advantage of my autistic asexual innocence and fucking broke me. Because of him, I’m a fucking adult who needs fluffy blankets and plush toys and nightlights and humidifiers because I still wake up disoriented, muscles clenched and in a cold sweat because I still have nightmares. My muscles are sore not because of working out, it’s because sleeping is an extreme sport for me because of what he did to me. I still can’t stand to be alone in a room with a guy, and I still can’t do hugs, not just because of the sensory hell but because I literally don’t trust people enough for them to touch me. And yet he wants to get back in touch? Now that I think about it, rage doesn’t fucking cut it.

It’s been two weeks since he texted and I’m still reeling from it. And stress at work is ridiculous because everyone is refusing to help me even though what they’re demanding of me is way too much for just one person to handle. And because everything is going to shit, my depression has obviously spiked again as well as the anxiety. Fuck, I had a panic attack at work on Friday.

I’m afraid that I’m dangerously close to a breakdown. You know how I can tell? When I’m struggling, I have a comfort episode of Supernatural that I get the urge to watch. Season 7 episode 17, when Sam gets admitted to a psych ward for being schizophrenic after his soul was turned into dog food for Lucifer. I don’t have the side of seeing someone else, but the feelings of your own brain attacking you, as well as the feeling of being too tired to fight against it, and then the fractured memories and delirious-ness that comes with it… it’s all what I’ve felt before. And I’m scarily close to tipping over the edge into the fractured memories part soon if things don’t get better.

Alarm bells are a-ringin and there isn’t a damn thing I can do to stop it.

#diary #journal #mental illness #sa survivor

0 notes

couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! What is your very specific Twilight AU?

okay, so. New Moon.

party disaster, dumping her and dipping, all happens normally.

but THEN. Bella finds out she’s pregnant.

(and I know you’re thinking- pre-marital sex?!?! Edward would NEVER! but listen. I am the author now. I’ve been around Christians my whole life. shut up!)

so anyway after a million pregnancy tests and a lot of googling about vampire baby legends, Bella’s like...well this is probably gonna be a situation,

Nessie doesn’t have an insane growth rate here because I hate that, so she has a normal amount of time to prepare, and she’s very...aware that the birth is gonna be Rough at best. So she goes to Jacob

who is NOT a wolf yet but Is aware of the pack and the treaty, and they are closer friends already, and she’s like ‘hey. paranormal emergency. you’re the only person in this town who enables me. help.’

and Jacob’s like I’m Fucking Fifteen and goes and gets Leah, since she’s technically an adult and a girl

(ms. meyer How did you make one of leah’s only 3 character traits ‘upset she’s infertile’ and then not have her support bella’s choices in breaking dawn please make it make sense)

so they start brainstorming solutions and the best they can work with is. Bella’s gotta ride out the pregnancy in hiding. they have no way of knowing whether she can survive the pregnancy and the only clue they have about whether the baby will be a monster or not is from google searches, but they also can’t exactly take her to an obgyn when her uterus feels like it’s calcified and her ribs are getting broken and she seems to be craving blood

So, Leah’s got her own little place. Bella moves in there, telling Charlie she wants to move back in with Renee (she knows her parents would never willingly call each other so as long as she keeps up communicating with both of them they should be none the wiser of her growing a little dracula in Leah Clearwater’s basement).

Leah has already defected from the wolf pack at this point (because...the Cullen’s left and she didn’t really like any of the guys anyway lmao) so they don’t run the risk of them hearing her thoughts while she’s in wolf form. She goes out and hunts animals, brings them back and her and Jake drain the blood from them so Bella can drink it. All three of them find this extremely disgusting obviously but Jake’s loyal and a little bit lovestruck, Leah’s a supportive friend and queen, and Bella’s just trying to keep her and her baby alive, and none of them feel like trying to rob a blood bank

Bella is 100% certain the baby will just be a baby who happens to like blood, like she was in bd, but the tentative plan is that if a crazy soulless monster comes out of her Leah will...handle that...

Which neither are thrilled about, so Bella’s just trying to focus on staying positive. And between that, trying to survive and stay hidden, Bella doesn’t really have time to...Check Out the way she did in new moon. Like, she’s absolutely still depressed, and she’s still getting an occasional Edward hallucination because carrying a vampire baby counts as reckless in many books, but she’s just more...resigned and pissed than anything. She’ll have days like the ‘possibilities’ scene, but more often than not she’s just telling the Edward hallucination to go fuck himself when he’s begging her to find the real him so they can have Carlisle deal with the pregnancy

at some point, Seth gets roped into the whole mess (he’s prone to just breaking into his sister’s house) but since he’s like, 13 and The Best Baby Boy he’s immediately supportive. He didn’t even fucking know about the wolves and the vampires until he walked in on a six months pregnant Bella drinking blood while his sister and Jacob are hacking away at a dead deer, but he’s like...you know when you were 13 and sneaking around about Anything made you feel like the coolest person alive? point is he’s helpful

AND he can get away with spending a lot of time at Leah’s house without anyone finding it weird, unlike Jacob, so he starts spending most of his free time there keeping Bella company and brightening her day up

HE is the one who enables her when she comes up with the name Renesmee lmao

(just because she hates Edward doesn’t mean Esme ever did anything wrong!)

“bella I’ll throw you out of this house if you don’t come up with a real name” “leah she’s white you can’t just disrespect her culture like this omg”

anyway these four become the DORKIEST and WEIRDEST little family it’s cute

so then. labor.

it’s less...graphic than in bd because Bella hasn’t been actively dying the whole pregnancy and she doesn’t snap her spine in half, but it’s still. bad.

she essentially delivers a rock that Nessie then begins chewing her way out of. she’s actively bleeding out. Jacob’s having a panic attack. Leah made Seth watch so he would never have unprotected sex and the scare tactic is working. Leah’s covered in Bella’s blood which is not great considering she’s Holding A Rock That A Vampire Is Emerging From

Leah’s been taking classes and researching deliveries so she needs to stitch Bella up and see what else is wrong but Seth is rocking back and forth on the floor crying and Jacob’s screaming and pacing too fast to grab so she’s like. Bella babe I know you’re dying but you need to hold this thing for me ksjdfllksf

so while she’s handling That, Bella’s got this weird little rock in her arms and is watching the baby slowly fight it’s way out like this is a very fucked up egg or something and she’s just. overwhelmed. maybe it’s the blood loss but she’s looking at the messy, scrunchy little face and she’s already in love and envisioning their lives together.

and then, you know, the baby bites her,

she has just enough time to think ‘how did we not think to prepare for that’ before she can feel the venom coursing through her. it’s just as bad as she remembers from James’ bite but somehow...easier to tolerate. she blacks out pretty quickly

the other 3 notice and are like : 👁👄👁

Jacob...literally explodes into a wolf On Spot

Seth darts out the fucking door he’s seen enough for one day

Leah, sole holder of the braincell, realizes Nessie just bit and isn’t drinking from Bella, and deduces this is like...a survival instinct or something. the baby instinctively changes it’s mother first thing. weirdly...touching?

So she gets the baby and checks that everything is physically okay with Bella (apart from you know. changing species) and is like...guess this is an issue for 3 days from now Leah

more immediate pressing issues: screaming new born baby and oh, yeah, the giant red wolf in the basement,

“Jacob I know this is disorienting but if you break anything in my house I’ll fucking kill you”

she really just leaves the poor boy to go get the baby cleaned up and warm up some of the frozen blood they’ve got in her fridge (RUINING HER TUPPERWARE, BELLA)

she’s not worried about the wolf pack mind meld yet because she knows Sam took the guys on a mission way farther up the coast for a few days and they’ll be too far away to hear Jake. hopefully, by the time they get back, Bella will be awake and they’ll have made an escape plan by then

and as she’s bottle feeding blood to the baby she’s thrilled that it seems to be like...relatively normal and not s horrific monster or anything. mission: unwillingly murder my best friend’s baby has been successfully canceled

“Oh Goddamn it....Renesmee DOES fit you...”

Seth, from where he’s cowering behind the couch: “told you”

so, Jake eventually calms down, they spend the next few days cooing over Nessie and brainstorming how to handle Bella when she wakes up a vampire, and also nicknaming Nessie ‘Nessie’ because they know Bella will find that intolerable and they feel she deserves karmic punishment for stressing them out so much lmao

so, three days are up. Seth’s upstairs putting on a way-too-elaborate puppet show for the baby with not a care in the world. Leah and Jake are in the basement because they know Bella probably won’t want their wolf blood and their ready to phase in case she gets a little aggressive

but she just wakes up and is like. hey! how’s it going? where’s my baby?

sjdhfksdj they were expecting feral but Bella still has her super self-control. she didn’t even realize she’d changed into a vampire until they told her lmao

Bella’s a little too freaked out to try hunting yet so they give her some of the stored blood they’ve been feeding Ness and she’s like. good to go. Leah’s about to scream like have the elders been exaggerating this whole time or is Bella truly a freak??? lol

So, they spend a couple days just...relaxing, Bella and Renesmee bonding, they’re trying to come up with fun places Bella can move to with the baby so no one she knows finds out, and every now and then Leah and Jake go out and she tries to help him get the wolf thing under control

and then,,,,the pack get back from their mission early

and immediately are able to read Jacob’s mind

so they head over to Start Shit because there’s two bloodsuckers on their land but,

the pack not attacking because Jake imprinted on Renesmee? tired. the pack not attacking because Jake’s Alpha Genes have taken over and declared Nessie and Bella as part of his Pack and attacking would literally start a war? inspired

so they hash the whole thing out....ultimately Sam decides Bella is more of a victim than a threat, and since neither her or Nessie seem to be going on a bloodlust rampage any time soon...he decides to grant them immunity from the whole ‘kill the vampires’ rule. He’ll let her and her daughter stay in La Push as long as they agree to stick to animals and only hunt out of town. PLUS from what little Bella knows about the Volturi, she’s worried about them finding out about Nessie, so they’ll offer protection if that does happen, in exchange for her being able to help them with intel on any other vampire threats in the area (you know like. if a nomad is fucking stuff up in a nearby city, they’ll send her to talk to them first before deciding if they need to intervene. Sam has become acutely aware he has a lot of teens and kids in his pack, so he’s trying to keep them out of fights as much as possible)

anyway that’s the story of Nessie gaining like 17 chaotic as hell ride or die uncles,

let’s fast forward a bit

it’s like 15 years later. Bella’s not living with Leah anymore, but she’s got a cute apartment in a nearby town, and owns and runs a bookstore on the first floor of it. she got her ged and did college online and teaches night classes at a community college. She’s still in contact with her parents, who Adore the life out of Nessie. She still helps the pack out and they’re all close. Nessie is a handful but in a fun and lovable way. They go on little weekend trips whenever they have time. Bella’s happy.

but then a. Situation. arises.

basically, the Volturi have been made aware of some unknown vampire chasing others out of the pacific northwest and conspiring with shapeshifters. and you know when Aro gets curious he tends to spin things dramatically. who’s to say this vampire isn’t conspiring against all vampires? against them? why has no one’s special talents worked on her? he simply must find out.

Bella and the Pack get word and decide their best course of action for now is to go on the run. they’re not gonna be able to take on a whole army but if they can bide some time and lay low they might be able to figure something out

except Bella is like....I have a teenage hybrid that the Volturi don’t know about yet...it would be EXTREMELY irresponsible to take her with me

but she can’t send Nessie to Charlie or Renee because they don’t know about her...dietary restrictions. She can’t stay with Billy or anyone else in La Push because the Volturi might trace the pack’s scent there and discover her. She’s panicking, they have to leave in a few days max and she can’t find a safe place for her daughter

and then she’s like.....fuck.

she had run into Jasper a couple of years ago- they have the same forgery guy and were heading to his building around the same time as a coincidence. She promised to forgive him for the party incident if he promised not to tell Edward he saw her and that she’s a vampire now. He agreed, but then told her Edward’s been living on his own for a while now and insisted on giving her his number...she never could bring herself to call it or delete it...but now...if she wants to be 100% Nessie is safe and protected...

fuck

So, the past 15 years have been fairly rough for Edward

he’s still convinced leaving in order to save Bella was the best course of action, but like...the vampires canonically mate for life. that’s his soulmate. he’s absolutely miserable without her. he’s thought about cracking and going to find her again but he always talks himself out of it, convinced she’d just tell him she hates him or something

so as stated in his patented Edward Cullen Self Loathing Guide, first thing to do is isolate yourself from all the lovebirds you usually live with. Sure, he keeps in contact, but...not well. he’s currently living alone and posing as a university student. He’s not even really sure what he’s supposed to be majoring in. He’s mostly been in a haze since he left Forks.

and one day....he gets a call from an unknown number. he ignores it, thinking it’s a spam call. but then it calls like 8 more times in a row and he figures answering might be a bit smarter than simply throwing it at the wall

And Edward...swears he came back to life and immediately had a heart attack the second he hears Bella’s voice

He feels breathless and disoriented the whole conversation, trying to figure out if his memory did her voice any justice, trying to rush out 15 years worth of apologies, trying to comprehend she’s actually speaking to him.

But Bella’s very blunt on the phone. She doesn’t want to let herself get emotional. She’s on a time limit, and she has to focus on getting her daughter to safety

And Edward swears he somehow misheard her the first ten or so times she told him. He had a daughter? that wasn’t possible

“she has the audacity to be your Evil Twin so I’m pretty sure it’s possible”

so she gives him a rundown. she needs to go into hiding, no I don’t need your help with that, gives him details about Nessie, what she’s like, what she likes to do, her diet, her favorite color, how annoyed she is by this whole situation, “Edward I know you don’t love me anymore, but I remember how protective you were, and that’s what I need Nessie to have right now. She needs you right now” and Edward wants so badly to refute Bella’s claim of lost love, to tell her he has absolutely no idea how to be a parent, but...her tone is aching so much he can barely speak. He can’t let Bella down again, and he can’t let this little girl he foolishly created and left down anymore than he already has, either.

So he agrees, she tells him to be at the airport in a few days, and hangs up.

Edward loses about half a day staring at a wall in shock, before he jumps into preparations.

Bella told him while their daughter possessed some speed and strength, hunting was fairly dangerous for her. She was more delicate than his kind, and had a heartbeat. Reheated blood bags had been their best option, and she also needed human food as well. He also had to get a room ready for her- he wandered around stores for hours, reading young girls minds to see if there was any furniture or decorations that were universally liked- which was of course, fruitless, but he did manage to find a handful of things he was sure Bella would have liked at that age, and prayed for the best. He somehow got himself covered in purple paint that was a nightmare to get off. Bella had sent him some forged documents claiming Nessie was his younger sister he’d won custody of, and he got her enrolled in a nearby school. He lived every day leading up to her arrival staving off a panic attack.

it wasn’t until he was on the way to the airport that he realized he forgot to inform his family about this life update. they must’ve been on a hunting trip, because he got nothing but voicemails

imagine being Carlisle and you come home to a voicemail from your son who’s banished himself from the family that’s just like ‘hi. you’re a grandfather now. I’m having a nervous breakdown and might crash my car. call me back at your earliest convenience I suppose” like what would you DO

after he gets to the airport he starts panicking again, realizing Bella had never actually sent him a picture, worrying about how he’d find her, but then- he sees a tiny girl with untamed, dark red curls, features strikingly similar to his own that are pulled into the expression Bella always made when she was reading, absently chewing on her lip, and before she looks at him with her mother’s big brown eyes, he already knows who he’s looking at, and he’s certain if he was human his tear ducts would be having a fit right now

Renesmee, however, seems less willing to have an emotional meeting. She mumbles out a simple greeting before gathering up her bags and heading for the door, Edward rushing behind her to try and help

listen. the awkwardness of Charlie trying to connect with Bella. but 10000x worse because of Edward’s overthinking, self-deprecating ass and Nessie being like ‘ah yes the guy who broke my pregnant teenage mothers heart, fantastic’ lmao

the car ride is p a i n f u l. Edward’s trying so hard for light conversation and Nessie’s barely giving one word answers. Bella had warned her about the mind reading so she was carefully keeping her mind blocked, which Edward is trying very hard to be understanding about instead of annoyed, but By God does he want to know everything about her

when they get back to his place, she quietly thanks him for the room and then promptly locks him out of it lol. He spends the rest of the day just pacing back and forth until he realizes he should eventually feed her lmao

and that’s...kinda how the first couple weeks go. she only emerges from her room if he bribes her with food, she awkwardly tries to dodge his questions, he drives her to school and then begs her to tell him how it went when he picks her up, he spends his college classes distracted because he’s freaking out constantly about how to successfully bond with her. His favorite time of day now is night, because she can’t block her mind while she’s asleep, and even if her dreams are all nonsense they’re still...part of her that he gets to know.

His family keeps begging him to let them meet her, but he’s pushing back because if she’s this bad at adjusting to one new family member, how is she going to handle six more?

(meanwhile Alice and Rose started a group chat with her and are having a ball clowning Edward lmao)

wait ksjflksd I think this vine perfectly sums up the dynamic im envisioning https://youtu.be/wQZIUHNORHg

anyway they....very slowly make some progress. much too slowly for Edward’s taste, but hey.

Like he finds out snacks she likes. or jewelry she likes. stuff like that and just...wordlessly leaves it around for her lmao. he thinks it’s like trying not to startle a deer, Nessie thinks it’s more like a cat trying to gift you a dead mouse, but either way it’s weirdly endearing.

He notices she always has a huffy little frown when he picks her up on Wednesdays. So instead of begging her for an ounce of information of her school life, he asks her one Wednesday morning if she’s excited for the day and she admits she has an elective class every Wednesday with a girl she doesn’t get along with.

He gets her school photos (and Weeps) and realizes apart from her room the home is fairly barren of decorations, so he buys a bunch of picture frames and hangs up the school shots, and some pictures of the Cullen’s over the years, and the few he has of Bella that he could never bear to part with. Other than catching her smiling at the prom picture of her parents, Nessie doesn’t say anything- but the next time he comes home from hunting, there’s a pile of pictures of her growing up on the table, and he starts weeping all over again as he hangs them up

(there’s one of her and Bella hugging and looking at the camera with identical grins and joy in their eyes, he can’t help but put that in his room. He hopes one day he’ll get to see a scene like that in person)

He starts trying to get her out of her room a little more- he still hasn’t managed to a get a ‘favorites’ list out of her, so he starts playing movies Bella loved, to see if any of them lure her out. some do, some don’t- he got halfway through a Lord of the Rings marathon, which was Torture in his opinion, but then Ness came out and quietly asked if he could restart it and suddenly they became his favorite movies ever.

Bella’s not able to contact her on a set schedule or anything because of her situation (and you can bet your ass Edward’s contacted every vampire he knows and ordered them to help her out if they come across her or the Volturi), and Edward realizes that’s probably taking a toll on the girl, so he starts telling her stories of her mother when he knew her in Forks. She’s particularly amused by the blood typing incident- the first time Edward hears Nessie properly laugh, he literally starts crying on the spot

could you imagine the sheer panic if she ever gets so much as a cold

And yes, she’s still pissed on Bella’s behalf, and yes, she specifically blasts 70s music because Bella told her he hates it one time, and yes, if he looks at her like he’s a kicked puppy one more time she might claw his eyes out, and yes, she refuses to introduce him to her friends from school because she Knows everyone will then start asking her about her ‘hot brother’ and she can’t live with that and also can’t live with him knowing that so she told him if he ever introduces himself to any of her friends she’ll set him on fire, and yes, she’s homesick 95% of the time but...he’s growing on her. like a mold, or something.

(okay, maybe when Seth tried to analyze why Mamma Mia is her favorite musical, he might have had a point. half a point. quarter of a point. shut up.)

And Edward’s still trying to not have a panic attack every time she’s out of his sight- he’s got Carlisle keeping tabs on the Volturi for him, and it’s not exactly hard for him to keep track of her through other people’s minds- but she’s so tiny and her heartbeat is Too Fast and what if she inherited her mother’s unlucky streak??

but they’re toeing the line of co-existing peacefully and Edward’s scared to push it past that

then he has to, because it turns out he sent her to one of Those Schools where the parents have to be involved in the school in some way or another and Nessie’s Annoyed

sdkjfsdkjf she keeps trying to get him to just sign up for like pta meetings or something and he’s like ‘I need you to understand you are the only person in this town I actually know or like I Cannot survive around fundraiser moms I can’t’

so she’s like ugh fine I’m in the drama club

listen.....Stage Parent Edward Cullen.......the power this holds...

that’s right this whole post was an elaborate ruse for me to make a musical theater headcanon again lmao

no okay but seriously he starts off just helping build sets and stuff like that but then midway through the year their music teacher gets fired and the schools like begging him to take over because they can’t find someone in enough time that’ll know the music for the show they’re doing and he’s like “I need you to understand Nessie will never talk to me again if I start actually working at her school” and they’re like “She also will never talk to you again if we have to cancel the big musical, though” and he’s like. fuck.

silent treatment for a week and a half

lmao so now he’s trying to juggle being an overly-enthusiastic stage parent who’s making costumes and sets and kinda crying backstage when he sees his daughter in her costume with also being the music director for the damn show and trying to teach a bunch of kids how to read sheet music

one day he ended up in a coffee shop with the hair and makeup moms, gossiping about the cast’s love lives, and he literally doesn’t know how he got there

is it wrong to pass Nessie in class even though she’s putting all the wrong answers on the test but he Knows she knows the right answers and is only answering wrong to try and get a rise out of him

Bella sneaks into town to see the show- they thought it would push their luck if the pack came, but they sent an ungodly amount of flowers and candy. When she snuck into the house while Ness was sleeping she Was Not expecting to find Edward up to his elbows in sequins, trying to fix a bedazzler he accidentally broke in frustration, muttering under his breath about how if Nessie’s romantic opposite in the show doesn’t keep his thoughts clean he’s gonna kill him- and it just cracks her up. She WAS nervous about seeing Edward again but now she’s assured he’s still a dork lol

So Edward freaks when he sees her but they don’t wanna wake Ness up so they’re trying to be quiet but like. they’re going through it

Like Bella Wants to be pissed at him but she can’t, she still loves him- and while she can’t just get over what he did to her, it’s also not lost on her that ‘leaving to protect someone I love’ is literally what she had to do to her daughter

And Edward....Edward, who only left to give Bella a chance at a safe, human life, seeing Bella in front of him as a vampire, knowing it’s his fault she ended up that way and she had to go through it alone, had to raise a baby herself because he’d made it so hard to find him...knowing if he’d just pulled his head out of his ass he would have been able to be there for her...would be able to form a coherent sentence around his love right now, would have long and fond memories of Nessie’s childhood, likely wouldn’t have to watch Bella hide from the Volturi...he’s back in a self-loathing spiral already

But they haven’t seen each other in so long and they just don’t want to...deal with the unpleasantness right now, so they just push it aside. Bella helps Edward with the costumes. Edward fills her in on what she’s been missing with Nessie. Bella tells him some stuff about when Ness was younger. They just spend the night talking, and it feels like no time has past between them at all- which just makes the heartaches a little stronger

When Nessie wakes up to her mother there she’s ecstatic- bubbly and loud and glued to Bella’s hip all day, giving her in depth play-by-plays of her school and rehearsals and friends she’s made, bouncing on her toes all morning, hyper, giggly, and- it kind of breaks Edward’s heart a little, even though he knows he hasn’t really...earned this side of his daughter, yet.

(at least he got his wish of seeing their twin smiles in person)

(he wishes he could see them every second of every day)

so the girls spend the day catching up while Edward mostly feels like a thirdwheel, and then they have to get Ness over to the school so she can get ready

Bella decides to hang out around the school theater before the show actually starts- she leans against the wall next to the piano, the two talking in hushed tones while Edward runs through songs. Bella really missed watching him play- the only thing that managed to drag her away from it was when Nessie called her to the dressing room to help with a hair emergency

she didn’t talk to him much at intermission, her attention being stolen by the rest of the Cullen family (who had been Very Loudly supporting the show so far, she knew Ness was probably dying of embarrassment backstage)

after the show, the three went back to Edward’s and just...talked. Nessie was gushing about the show and eating while her parents assured her she was the greatest actress ever born, simple stuff like that. she fell asleep sandwiched in between them on the couch

Bella realizes she’s never going to be able to bring herself to leave again if Nessie wakes up, and tells Edward as much. He clearly doesn’t want her to go just yet either, but...she’s on the run, it’s not like she has much choice

He has so much he wants to say to her but he just- can’t. it’s not the right time. but he’s hoping she can see that in his eyes

Bella shifts Nessie off her shoulder so Edward can hold her, and she gives him a light kiss and says ‘thank you, Edward’ before disappearing in a flash. she needed to go before she lost her nerve.

Edward can’t bring himself to let Nessie out of his arms, so instead of carrying her to bed he just stays there, holding her, trying his best not to think that that could be the last time for a long time he’d ever see his Bella again, trying not to let thoughts of a life he gave up unwittingly consume him

okay I didn’t mean for this to be So Long so I’m cutting it here uhh...let me know if anyone wants a part 2? sorry lmao

#twilight #edward cullen #bella swan #edbella #twilight saga #asks #molly mumbles #elephantlovingmouse

3K notes · View notes

atsukashii · 3 years ago

Note

ily and ur writing so much 🥺🥺 I'm caught up on practically everything u've posted, so while I wait (im)patiently for new works NO RUSH THO, can u rec any writers u may follow that post stuff u just lOVE to read???

I usually use fics as a distraction from anxiety/panic attacks and my heart doing the palpitating thing which actually makes me wonder if my heart med is working??? bc its happening rn yay 🙃 so I usually go for fluff or h/c stuff

holy shit everything?!?!? 😮😮 aaahhhhh thank you so much 💕 i’m so glad that my writing can give you some sort of escape. send you all the hugs in the world anon!!!

also can I rave about my fave writers on a public platform? ummm fuck yes I can.

These are in no particular order and I think I’ve missed some people but if you check my recommended tag there are even more there too!! Oh I’m also recommending fics here!

haikyuu!

@elysianslove (sfw + nsfw) - sal writes some of the best hc’s and drabbles ever, and the way that she writes for kuroo has my heart going boom boom every time.

faves : unintentional flustering things & the little things

@kotarotea (sfw) - guys don't get me started on alyssa's writing okay, because her blog has made me laugh and cry more times then i can count (I'm looking dead at you in another life) her writing is top notch and is definitely one of my absolute favourite people on this site. Oh also her fake texts are pretty neat!

faves : the waiting game (read it ages ago and is one of my fave iwa fics to this day) & random text with bf iwa this one gives me all the feeeelllsss

@hvnlydmn (sfw)- ains writing can heal all of the worlds problems i stg. her atsumu is simply divine and i frequently read her writing. but seriously she will make anyone into an atsumu simp and you'll thank her for it.

faves : haikyuu boys comforting you & haikyuu boys reactions when they accidentally wake you up from a nap its just too fucking cute i can't not share it

@adoringhaikyuu (sfw + nsfw) - if you don't know who they are then y'all aren't living. their drabbles are honestly some of the most amazing haikyuu pieces i've ever read. And they write for a whole lot of people - also the angst will kill your soul

faves : when they realise they want to marry you & rejects you and regrets it - this made my heart actually hurt when reading it

@taurue (sfw) - jin has written my favourite iwaizumi fic that i have ever read (bad news) and is one of the main reasons i love that man with my heart and soul. she also writes for mha as well as haikyuu so literally you're getting double with this one. shes a treasure and her writing is *chefs kiss* perfection

faves : bad news (iwaizumi x reader) seriously read it, you'll thank me later & down bad (atsumu fluff that is so fucking precious i love it with all my soul)

my hero academia

@dimplesum (sfw) - faye writes for both mha & hq, but it doesn't matter what you read, her work is god tier. her blog is so aesthetically pleasing and her writing even more so, she's one of my top recs for suuurrreeeee

faves : i'm not your fangirl (bakugou x reader) & baked love (bakugou x reader)

@myherowritings (sfw+ nsfw) - sof is the king of bnha x reader as far as i'm concerned and her smau's are on another level. even if you aren't a massive fan of the character of one of her smau's i promise you will be by the end, no joke this is what happened to me in her shinsou smau turn on your airdrop.

faves : number neighbour (bakugou smau) & turn on your airdrop (shinsou smau)

@katsuverse (sfw + nsfw) - i cannot say enough about this talented girl. I have been watching mich's blog grow since day one and the way that her writing and style has evolved is really fucking beautiful. her writing is the bomb dot com and her katsuki is ✨ f l a w l e s s ✨

faves : bakugou's reaction to his crush's haircut, made with love (bakugou x reader) & hypothesis honey (bakugou nsfw smau)

Also i cannot stress this enough, if one of these blogs requests that under 18's do not interact or if they state that under 18's should not view some of their content please for the love of god respect their wishes.

thank you.

#there are definitely people that i have missed and i know i'll think of more minutes after i post this #so i will keep adding to it or will make another recs post #txt.recommends📖

127 notes · View notes

smellsfaintlyofvanilla · 4 years ago

Note

can i request a childhood friends to lovers with annie and gn reader? :)

Of course!

Also sorry if you wanted a fic, this just worked out a lot easier in headcanon form haha

Also also, I also accidentally wrote some implied fem reader but it’s a little too late to take it out now, whoops. It’s still 90% GN though hahaaa

Annie with a childhood friend S/O: HCs

AU: Canon

Warnings: Season 4 spoilers

It had all started with the fall of Wall Maria

You lived with your parents inside of Wall Rose your whole life, so the sudden influx of people following the attack on Shinganshina was a bit to get used to

But then you met Annie

She was twelve, the same age as you

She didn’t talk much, and especially not about her life before the attack, but you did know that she was supposedly orphaned in the chaos

When you talked to her at first, you had felt pity for her

After all, she had lost her home, her parents, and was now abandoned in the middle of the overcrowded and overpopulated cities

And even though she remained mostly emotionless, there was a slight tug on her features that made her look quite... sad

So, with much convincing from you, your parents agreed to let you take the poor girl in for a few weeks, until the panic had died down and an orphanage would take her in

You weren’t exactly abundant with food, shelter, money, or really anything, but you made it work

And Annie, though dedicated to her cause, couldn’t help but find herself indulging in your presence

Even with Reiner and Bertholdt, she truly longed for a close friend that she didn’t associate with through the Warrior Program

So, even after Annie was eventually taken in to an orphanage, you two remained friends

You would always walk up to the front door of the building she stayed at, and the second the lady would answer, you would ask for Annie

Nearly every day the two of you would hang out

You’d take her with you as you ran out to get groceries for your parents, and you would always buy an extra loaf of bread behind your parents’ backs to give to Annie—since you knew the kids at the orphanage were never fed enough

You’d talk to her excitedly about whatever was on your mind, and even though she seldom talked much, she’d listen patiently to every word you said

And, whenever some kids started to pick on you, they’d be on the ground in a flash, noses bloody and crying out obnoxiously

Even though you appreciated the sentiment, you’d usually have to pull her off them so she wouldn’t go too far

And, after the first few incidents, you were practically invincible. Nobody wanted to touch you in fear of retaliation from Annie

Slowly, as the two of you grew closer, she told you more about herself.

Her father was the one who taught her to fight like she did, and she strived to one day make him proud

It made you quite sad, to see her talk about family with such a sad smile, whilst you had a perfectly healthy and intact family

In the very rare instances where she would vent and cry to you, you’d hold her and reassure her that her parents love her no matter what, and that you’d always be there for her

You swore that the two of you would do everything together.

So, when Annie signed up for the military to get revenge for her parents, you signed up too, to follow her and keep her safe

She paled when you told her, telling you to stay home where you’d be safe, and that she promised she’d visit you whenever you could

But you just smiled and told her that you promised to stay with her no matter what, and that you weren’t gonna leave her alone

It was there, fifteen years old, that she realized she had fallen for you

Being in the Cadet Corps together only further strengthened the bond between you two

Not only did it give you the chance to meet Bertholdt and Reiner, who were her other best friends she met in the orphanage

But, by some miracle, you and Annie were selected to share a bunk, much to your delight

It took a few days of convincing her, but eventually she started sleeping in the same bed as you

You had told her, “We’re just friends, it isn’t weird!”

And you were right—partially

It wasn’t weird when you were twelve and oblivious, but now that she was hard crushing on you, it was much different to her

When it came to daily life and training, the routine was almost always the same

You’d wake up and get breakfast with Annie, sitting with her in silence since you were usually too sleepy to make conversation, but sitting close to her nonetheless

Occasionally, you’d be so tired that you’d lean your head on her shoulder and take a quick nap before practice

She tried to look indifferent, but her red cheeks always betrayed her

Then you’d go out and train for hours with your assigned training partner, Mikasa

She’d almost always destroyed you in combat, but you learned a lot from her, and came to befriend her over the months

Annie would always get jealous of yours and Mikasa’s friendship, so you’d occasionally have to talk to her about it in one of your many late night talks

You’d see her facing away from you—opposite of what she’d usually do—and you’d know something was wrong

You’d tap her shoulder, and when she turned to face you, you could always tell something was wrong

So, you’d ask her what it was, and once she finally spit it out that she thought you and Mikasa were getting really close, really fast, you’d be quick to reassure her

You’d grab her hand and pull her closer to you, always causing her to blush, but you’d thankfully never noticed it due to the dark lighting

“Annie, I know how you feel. I get it. I’m close with Mikasa, yes, but she’s nowhere near your level. No matter what, I’ll always be your closest friend.”

And it always felt so bittersweet to her.

She was glad you held her so dear in your heart, but the word “friend” was like an arrow to her heart

She treasured you so dearly, your friendship alone already filled her life with joy and fulfillment

But she wanted to be closer to you

Even if it compromised her mission

Which is something that came up more than once with Reiner and Bertholdt

They could tell she was crushing on you, and were less than pleased

Bertholdt tried to reason with her, to coax her out of it gently by telling her how getting close to her would only end up in pain. Because, in her own words, she was a traitor, someone who’s done such unforgivable sins that they’ve become unlovable

Reiner, though, has a much harsher approach. He knew how protective she was of you and your wellbeing, so he often threatened your safety if Annie ever tried to get closer

Once, in an argument, he suggested “getting rid of her permanently,” but the terrifying glare she sent him proved that that option was completely off the table, unless he wanted to face a furious and grief induced Titan shifter

Which, he didn’t. So, he never brought it up again

Despite all this, she was very hesitant to confess to you. Bluntly put, she didn’t think you liked her back.

You acted the same as you did when you were child, and she was the same as she had always been to you—a close friend, but nothing further

Of course, you always loved her, but how was she supposed to know that?

Still, as time went on, it became more and more obstructive

Her thoughts and insecurities kept her up at night, yearning to love you while you lay sleeping mere inches away from her

It ended getting so distracting that she just decided she didn’t care if you reciprocated or not, she needed to get it off her chest

Even if there was a tugging feeling at the back of her mind that you would say no, and the friendship would be ruined

Still, she couldn’t bear to hide her feelings, so she came up to you one day after breakfast and shyly asked to meet her behind the barracks after afternoon training had finished

You casually mentioned this while training with Mikasa, but she only laughed

She knew Annie had a crush on you—it was obvious to anyone who was paying attention to how she acted around you, really—but decided to keep quiet, encouraging you to see what she wanted

So you did

When you walked around to the meeting spot, you saw her leaning against the wall biting her nails, a habit that only came out when she was really stressed

She didn’t seem to notice you at first, so you called out her name and smiled and waved when she saw you

“So what is it you wanted to talk about?”

She clammed up at first, staring at the ground nervously

You found this behavior really odd for her, considering she always appeared so confident and put together

And here she was, blushing and fidgeting like a schoolgirl

In an effort to ease whatever her concern may be, you grabbed her hand in your own, running your thumb over it

“It’s fine, Annie. You can tell me anything.” You smiled warmly

It gave her the final little confidence boost she needed to confess

“I... Y/n, I’ve always treasured our friendship no matter what. I feel like no matter what happens, you’re always there for me, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that, for having a friend like you.”

She paused and took a deep breath before continuing

“I don’t wanna make anything weird between the two of us, but this has been weighing down on me for ages. Fuck it... I love you Y/n. And I— I know you don’t like me back, that’s okay, I just want—!”

“Annie.” You spoke calmly, cutting off her panicked mumbling

Her flustered-ness was adorable, you thought, and you couldn’t help but giggle a little bit

And Annie’s heart dropped

Poor girl thought you were about to reject her

But, after a moment, you spoke

“I love you too, Annie.”

And those were the best five words anyone had ever spoken to her.

Although it wasn’t apparent on her face, she was absolutely overjoyed that you returned her feelings

She felt like, for just that moment, no matter what happened, she would be happy because she was with you

She immediately jumped onto you, wrapping her arms around your neck and lifting her feet off the ground, nuzzling her face in your shoulder

You returned the affection, moving one hand to her lower back, and the other one tangling in her golden blonde hair, undoing the messy bun she always kept it in

After that, the dynamic certainly changed between you two

In a good way, of course

She no longer felt weird about cuddling closer to you at night, waiting until you had gone asleep to press her chest against your back and spoon you

At mealtimes, whenever you went to nap on her, she would always carry you to bed instead, and claim you weren’t feeling well when Shadis asked her

And she’d totally share some of her food with you if you were feeling extra hungry

You two technically were keeping your relationship a secret, but everyone knew anyway

Especially because, every morning, you two were always the last to get up, so all the other girls could see the two of you cuddling and sleeping together so comfortably

So when the two of you eventually announced your relationship on your three-month anniversary, everyone was just kinda like “was it supposed to be a secret?”

But the two of you spent your years as Cadets together, and the both of you couldn’t have been happier

Then, one day, it came time to pick a regiment

Since you both made the top ten, Annie tried to convince you to join the Military Police with her

You two could live peacefully together inside of Wall Sina, safe from all the titans, and paid handsomely enough to live comfortably

But you were hell-bent on joining the Scouts

You said that you were gonna help protect society from the titans, and now that you had Eren on your side, saving humanity actually seemed possible

She was horrified when you told her, however

The Survey Corps had such a high, high mortality rate, and the chances of you being dead within a year of joining were alarmingly high

She almost considered joining the Scouts with you, to keep you safe

But she knew she had a mission to carry out, and that mission couldn’t progress without her joining the Military Police

So, she swore that she would write letters and visit whenever she could, but she was going to join the Military Police

It was hard for both of you, at first

Neither you nor her had slept without the other in well over four years, so the sudden shift was incredibly lonely

You’d always spent time together during your days off, though

You’d go back to your hometown and visit your parents for the day, courtesy of the horses provided by the Scout regiment

Hitch would also constantly tease Annie about constantly writing letters to you, but Annie would always snap back “At least I have a partner.”

And it always shut her up

When the time came, and she had to shift into a titan to attack the Scout regiment, per Reiner’s instructions, she was terrified

She knew you’d be one of the little soldiers out there, and she doubted she could tell you apart at a glance

If she accidentally hurt you, or god forbid, killed you, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself

Still, she had to go on with it

She never had a chance to check whether any of the countless bodies that day were you, so you can imagine the pure relief she felt when she received another letter from you in the mail

But upon reading the contents of the letter, her heart dropped a little bit

Sure enough, the “abnormal titan” you had encountered was all over it

You detailed seeing it up close, and watching helplessly as she crushed your comrades left and right, and how lucky you were that the titan skipped over you

A twinge of panic came over here on realizing that she was this close to accidentally killing you

But, she bit the bullet and wrote back, the letter reeking of faux concern

But, when the day came that the idea of Annie being the Female Titan was brought up, you were distraught

They made a good point, though. The titan looked quite like her, for starters

When you had first seen the titan, chasing behind you, you recognized the icy blue eyes right away

You pushed the thought to the backburner of your mind, but you couldn’t deny that when you looked at the titan, the first thing you saw was Annie

They brought up other things too, such as fighting style, her apparent absence that day, and others

All overwhelming evidence of her being a traitor

But you argued

Of course you argued

Why wouldn’t you argue?

Annie was your everything, she was there for you for years

You had known her from the day she was a lost, lonely orphan, spirit trampled just like the walls themselves

She was always so loyal to you, she would do just about anything to keep you, and her friends, safe

But, the responsibility fell on you to corner her

Hange had given you an ultimatum that day

“If you truly believe she is innocent, then you should have no problem helping us investigate, no? Lure her into a corner, and we’ll see if she truly is a titan.”

At first, you weren’t sure what to do

Part of you was appalled by the idea

Incriminating your lover? Out of the question. On the very very slight chance that she was a titan, you weren’t gonna be the one to pull the trigger

But the other part of you was filled with blind faith in her

She would never do something like that. There’s no problem in clearing her name

So, you agreed, and one day, you pulled her aside from her Military Police duties and told her to take the day off with you

She agreed in an instant, following you around town to the “destination” you had in mind

But she froze when you tried to lead her down the tunnel

A small seed of doubt planted itself in her mind

‘Is Y/n... trying to lead me somewhere where I can’t transform?”

So, she stalled, trying to make up her mind whilst spouting out excuses of being scared of the dark

But then a sound rang out

A shout, or a whistle of sorts

And all of the sudden, countless soldiers ran towards her at all angles, holding her arms behind her back and putting a cloth gag in her mouth

She didn’t piece it together right away—or rather, she didn’t want to piece it together—that you had, in fact, set her up

It wasn’t until you stood on the steps to the tunnel, staring into her eyes

And you didn’t move to help her

You had promised, back when the two of you were little, that you would always follow her and always protect her, no matter what

She realized at that moment that you weren’t there to save her

You were there to trick her

So, she pulled out the spike on her ring finger and cut a small gash in her finger, and lighting sparked and materialized out from her, before a puff of smoke and flesh manifested

Your mouth was agape the whole time

So she was the Female Titan...

A traitor...

You had known her for so long, and this is what she really was?

You couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that the sweet little lost girl was truly a heartless murderer

But the evidence of that fact was standing right in front of you, 15 meters tall

You were frozen in place, still standing on the stairwell

You expected to be squashed like a bug without hesitation

You couldn’t imagine Annie ever doing that, but at the same time, you couldn’t imagine Annie being any bit of what she was right now

But, to your surprise, she didn’t

She kneeled down as delicately as she could, given the confined space of the street

And brought her thumb to your back, rubbing it gently a couple times in a comforting matter, almost like she was trying to say “It’s okay, don’t worry.”

But another quick flash of lightning brought her attention away from you

Another shifter

Eren.

You watched in shocked horror as the two of them wrecked through Stohess district

They fought, and fought, and fought, destroying buildings and sending wreckage everywhere

But, at the end of it all, she was reduced to a mere doll stuck in a crystalline prison

You were able to recognize one thing, though

Her face, mere moments before crystallizing

She was crying

You longed so horribly to reach out and stroke the tears from her face, yet two feet of impenetrable glass separated her from you

You visited her crystal every day

Waiting for something, someone, anything, to break her free and return her to you

You were so sick and tired of the war, of the fighting, of the heartbreak

But the universe showed no signs of giving you a break, though, as you were always called upon to fight again and again

To fight the titans, and then to fight the other traitors, Reiner and Bertholdt, and to fight Marley, watching in horror as Paradis repeated the actions the Warriors had done to Shinganshina so long ago

Yet, still, you visited Annie through it all

Checking up on her, updating her on your adventures and how the story was unfolding

And you knew it was mostly pointless—after all, she couldn’t hear you at all

But you stayed and talked, waiting indefinitely for her to wake up

Because, all those years ago, you had promised to be by her side and protect her no matter what.

#aot #snk #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin x reader #annie leonhart #annie leonhart x reader #annie x reader

201 notes · View notes

jaehyunspeachparty · 4 years ago

Text

daddy jaehyun

iv.xlxi. (a,m)

trigger warning: mentions of abortion

The time when Jaehyun filmed his drama just didn't go by. It was getting harder for you every day. It wasn't easy with the four children either, but most of all you miss your husband. When you heard the door open in the evening and Jaehyun came to bed with you, you never wanted to leave him again. "You're finally here," you whisper and put your lips on his. The kiss was so comforting and full of missing that you didn't want to let go of him. But at some point Jaehyun broke away from you. "I'm so exhausted." He put his head on the pillow and sighed. You stroke his hair and hope he doesn't fall asleep right away. It was the only time you had together at the moment. You just lie down next to him and put your hand on his torso. "I miss you," you whisper to him and look up. "I miss you too and the children, I really don't see them anymore." Jaehyun was still plagued by a guilty conscience. "Hopefully it won't be that long." You sit up and sigh. "Yeah ... hopefully ..." To Jaehyun it felt like an eternity. You then sit on his lap and put your hands under his shirt. You finally wanted to feel love again. You lacked the feeling of lust, of passion. You didn't remember when you last had sex. It was clearly too long ago. "Y/N ..." He gently grabbed your wrists and looked at you sadly. "The children are asleep and we finally have some time for ourselves." You grab his waistband, but Jaehyun stopped you. "I'm really totally tired, I can't do anything today." He stopped you from doing your thing, but you didn't want to give up so easily. You were greedy and you wanted him. You were actually sure that if you would make the start, then he would be quickly convinced. "I'll do most of the work, just relax ..." You smile and slowly and carefully pull down his pants. Most of the time when you were at this point he was a little hard, but this time it was nothing. "Y/N...I don't know..." Jaehyun didn't mean to disappoint you, but he knew his performance wouldn't work down here. But you wanted to try it, you couldn't believe it. You start to take him in your hand, spread a bit of spit along his length and with pressure you move your hand up and down. But there was still no reaction from him. "Y/N ... I ..." He was uncomfortable now because he totally failed. But you wanted to do him something good and you also wanted to experience a few highs yourself. So you draw your last card and put his length in your mouth. Your whole torso leaned down and your butt was up. You wanted to give everything, you couldn't believe that he couldn't be persuaded somehow. But sucking a limp cock really wasn't easy. He was still very soft and it was difficult to stimulate it in this state. You press your lips together, lick his tip and massage his testicles. And as much as you try, he just didn't get hard. This whole thing then became uncomfortable for Jaehyun. He was tired and still under the pressure that he couldn't get hard. "Y/N, stop it." His voice sounded harsher than expected. You look up in surprise and somehow you didn't know how to deal with the situation. You sit up and look at him desperately. You didn't have any bad intentions, but you just wanted affection and love from your husband. You were also stressed out by all of this and you just wanted to take some stress off with him. "I don't mean that, but I'm just tired. The day was exhausting today." "Do you think my day wasn't exhausting today?" You were kind of hurt and disappointed. "Yes, but ... Y/N, I was really busy today." Jaehyun tried to justify himself, but you shake your head. "And should it continue like this for the next few weeks. Should we as a married couple give us up completely?" You didn't know what to think because it was all so confused. "No, but I ..." "Don’t you miss me?" You look at him with glassy eyes and cross your arms. "I miss you, but I can hardly ..." He couldn't go on talking. He was ashamed of himself that he was so limp today and couldn't get hard. "Anyway, leave it. I'm sleeping somewhere else today." You got up and left the bedroom. You didn't want to see or hear Jaehyun. You were disappointed that he hardly found time for you. You knew the drama was draining him a lot of time and energy. But it was all too much. He was hardly there, you were alone with the kids and he was kissing some beautiful actress on the set. Your jealousy was still something very present and you could hardly let go of it. Maybe this time it was you who ruined the relationship?

When you wake up in the morning, Jaehyun was long gone. You had only heard him briefly, but then he went straight to the garage. In the morning you visit Johanna and wanted to know how she was doing after the abortion. When you two were at the doctor, it was just quiet. You didn't talk and you just try to stand by her. But now days had passed and you hope she was better. Johanna was off that day and had the children with her too. This allowed your children to hang out while you chatted. "How are you?" You ask concerned and Johanna looked at you annoyed. "Don't come on me like that ..." she sighed and admonished you. "What?" "You feel sorry for me." Johanna shook her head and looked again at the children. "No, I'm worried. An abortion isn’t easy. It is an invasion of your body." Johanna went through so much the last few years and she had severe depressions, of course you are worried about how she deals with it. "Yes ... it wasn't easy ..." Johanna lowered her head and grabbed her stomach briefly. It was weird that she wasn't pregnant anymore. "But I feel so much relief ... I feel freer ..." Johanna sometimes felt bad for her thoughts, but for a long time she felt as if she could breathe again without problems. "I'm glad you're feeling better now." You smile and stroke her hand. At that moment Johanna was so grateful for your confidence and touch that she hadn't felt alone for a long time. Even when she was with Johnny, she often felt alone. But now she had her life under control again and she could think clearly again. She had her two children, her new job, her own apartment and a good friend like you. She never thought, neither did you, that your friendship would one day become so intimate. "How are you? It seems like something is bothering you." Johanna looked at you and you stroked Geon's head, who was sitting on your lap. "It's so hard right now that Jaehyun is never there." You sigh and look down at your son. "How are you doing with your jealousy?" Johanna knew about your problem and you couldn't say that you were better. "Bad. Oh my god Johanna, I'm going crazy." You throw your head back and you want to scream. Then you put your hands on Geon's ears and start whispering. "I need sex so badly, I can hardly take it anymore. Shit I just want him to grab me, fuck me wild and I cum so hard again that I forget my own name." You were really desperate. "Wow, how long has it been for you?" Asked Johanna, surprised. "Far too long, I don't know anymore. I think since he started filming the drama again." You sigh and take another sip of your coffee. "Hmmm .... okay ..." Johanna doesn't know what to say either. "I'm so horny as I haven't been in a long time. And what the dildo gives me is no longer enough anymore." Johanna had to laugh, because in the beginning you didn't want the thing and now you were glad that you had something to stimulate you. "Can't nobody take care of the children? You can sleep in a hotel for a night and have a good fuck again." Johanna's idea wasn't bad, but there was a problem. "I've already suggested that, but he wants to spend his free time with the children. Which I understand because he doesn't see the children from Monday to Friday." You sigh and were really desperate. "The disadvantage of being married to a good father," said Johanna with a wink. "Am I selfish?" You suddenly ask her and turn to her. "What?" Johanna didn't understand what you mean. "I'm selfish. I want Jaehyun to do something with me without his children for a day and only look after us." You lower your head and you feel bad. Maybe you were too hard on him. "No, you are still a married couple, you need time together." "But we have toddlers, we have to be there for them. They come first." "But you need time together so that you can become stronger as a team and also so that you don't go crazy. You shouldn't neglect yourselves, otherwise you'll end up like me and Johnny." You lean back and don't know what to say or think. Have you been selfish? Should you demand something like this? Was sex really that important? Should you care more about your marriage? You didn't know what was right or wrong anymore ...

In the evening Jaehyun still didn’t come home. It was the usual time, but he just didn't come. Tears came to your eyes, your pulse was high and you did not know how to act. Are you overreacting? Or were you allowed to claim time? But at the same time you miss him. At the same time you were plagued by jealousy. The next moment you take the remote control and turn off the television. You try to sleep a little, because in four hours Kiwoo would wake you up because he is hungry. You lie alone in the big bed. It felt so lonely. A shiver ran down your spine and a sob overwhelmed you. Why were you so full of emotions? Why did you come to tears so quickly? At some point you managed to doze off a little, but you always startle. You reach aside and Jaehyun still wasn't there. You were beginning to worry that something might have happened. You sit up and look at your phone. No message. No phone call. You dial his number, but no one answered. You write him to call you and try to lie down again. But still nothing came. You toss and turn, can't sleep, and start worrying. What if he had an accident? You fell apart in an argument and you would never forgive yourself if something happened now. You feel incredibly guilty. Everything contracted inside you and you are getting closer and closer to a panic attack. You call him again and again. You write to him too, but there was never an answer. At some point it was 3 o'clock in the morning. You go into the kitchen and make yourself some tea. Your pulse was still high and you had thousands of scenarios in your head and you plan to go to the police in the morning. Or that you call Johnny quickly so you can go to the police station and he'll take care of the kids. You didn't know what to do. Maybe you should just call the local police and see if something happened. You take your iPad and look for the number, when suddenly the front door opened. You look over and see how Jaehyun struggled to take off his shoes. He just threw the jacket down and almost fell to the floor. You look at him in disbelief. Did that really happen? "Are you still awake?" He slurred and looked at you in amazement. His cheeks and nose were red and he was having a hard time standing up straight. "Why didn't you answer your phone?" You were done with your nerves, you couldn't sleep. Jaehyun took his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the screen. "Oops ..." He saw the calls and messages, but due to his high alcohol level he didn't realize what was happening. "I just can't believe it ..." You didn't even know what to say anymore. You were disappointed and angry. At some point you just turn around even more and go up the stairs. "Y/N ... are you still angry?" You couldn't stand Jaehyun's streak of alcohol. You wonder why he even made it up the stairs. "Yes," you hissed back angrily. "Come on ... it's not that bad ..." You roll your eyes and you couldn't even listen to him anymore. "You could have called, I was worried." You turn to him and look at him disappointed. The tears were gathering in your eyes and it was hard to hold you back. "I didn't look at my phone. Sorry ..." He snorted and tried to be cute, but that only annoyed you. "I thought something happened to you." You take his bedding and cling tightly around it. "I thought you had an accident. FUCK! Jaehyun, I wanted to go to the police. You always call me when it gets late. ALWAYS!" You throw the bedding at him and your sobs got louder and louder. Jaehyun looked at you confused and his drunken brain found it difficult to process all of this. "I don't want you with me. You sleep somewhere else. I don't care where." You push him out of the bedroom and slam the door. Jaehyun looked at the closed door, the bedding in his hand and only the next day will he realize what just happened here.

daddy jaehyun masterlist

#jaehyun #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun smut #jaehyun angst #jaehyun jung #daddy jaehyun #NCT #nct 127 #nct u #nct 2020 #nct smut #nct angst #nct 127 smut #nct 127 angst

192 notes · View notes

kirishimas-manly-eyeliner · 4 years ago

Text

A full, entire list of headcanons for a day with:

1. ☼ waking up with him ☼6am-8am

LISTEN UP Y’ALL

IF YOU DON’T SIMP FOR EIJIRO, JUST THINK:

YOU WAKE UP EVERY MORNING TO SEE HIS BEAUTIFUL, MESSY, CHAOTIC BED-HEAD WITH HIS HAIR DOWN AND HIS ADORABLE TIRED LIL’ SMILE

now if THAT doesn’t make you simp, you CONFUSE ME

anyways, so-

if there’s one thing that kirishima chooses to do, it’s to wake up early. i am so sorry to those who enjoy sleeping in, but hey, it’s the price we gotta pay to simp 😔✋

but omfg y’all, is the sweetest baby ever when you wake up with him! kirishima would most likely cuddle you first thing in the morning (…as in like 5 am-) and pull you in closer, planting a kiss on your forehead

“’morning, my beautiful pebble, d’ya sleep well?”

butcanwepleasetalkabouthowcutehisvoicewouldberightwhenhewakesup

you’ll also probably wake up to an insane amount of talking and chatting with him, and by six o’clock, he makes sure that you’re ready to be on your way

the sun is still rising where you guys are, so it’s actually pretty dark where you guys are

he ruffles your hair as he takes you on walks outside, hand in hand, no matter how tired you are

expect him to piggy back you, saying that it’s manly bc IT ISSSSS

2. ✎ doing online school with eijiro ✎ 8am-12pm, 2pm-4pm

“i think i’ve lost complete and utter trust in everything,” you groan. “i can’t even trust my video and mute button, and i need to trust those!”

kirishima grins at you as he plants a kiss on your forehead. “how ‘bout i buy you something tasty during break, huh?”

“kirishima, we’re literally broke,” you deadpan, half-joking but half speaking realistically.

“so what?” you’ve been working so hard lately, i figured that you at least deserve something as a reward.” he squeezes your shoulders from behind your seat (don’t worry, your video’s off for now :))

you raise an eyebrow. “…something?” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

“yeah! like maybe we could go for a walk, or-” he stares at your expression before he realizes what you implied. “baby, this is a sfw blog, we’re not allowed to-”

kirishima also most definitely pulls up a chair next to you in class, even though he doesn’t even know what you’re doing. he might not be in that class, but he’ll be right next to you the whole time in case you need help

when you do need help, he peers over your shoulder and helps you solve whatever problem you have right away

the sweetheart also gives constant reassuring reminders to drink water, i LOVE HIM

but when he leaves, he also says, “study and work hard, y/n! i’ll be right here for you during break!”

he promises you a kith and a hug if you keep on striving during online classes 🥺

kirishima likes to come in during class when your video is very much on, and he peeks his head in, waves, and then smiles before heading back out of the frame

“y/n, how do you fight villains, kick butt, literally stand up for an entire school, but you still rehearse how to say here?”

“shhhhh, i’m trying-”

another scenario, “y/n, can you please answer question four?”

“sure. the book that i chose for my report was the fault in our stars by john green, which implies the message that-”

“BABY, YOU GOTTA SEE HOW LOUDLY I CAN CLAP MY HANDS IF I USE MY QUIRK-”

you mute yourself, “DON’T YOU DARE-”

he makes online school almost exciting, and he just makes everything so much more enjoyable

kirishima also takes your hand, squeezing it tightly as he kisses your knuckles. “i’ll start making lunch. good luck baby!”

3. ♨ meals and afternoon walks with eijiro ♨ 12pm-1pm

HATE YOU BREAK IT TO Y’ALL BUT EIJIRO KIRISHIMA CANNOT COOK FOR THE HECK OF IT

y’all have seen him in the training camp thing,, right??

kirishima might not be the best at cooking, but you can count on him to take you somewhere!

man knows the best places where you live, and he just about literally gets whatever you want

you guys probably leave for a walk during break at noon, and kirishima makes sure that you feel safe and comfortable around him no matter what

afternoon walks are probably the most interesting part of your day, and the way lets you put your hand in the pocket of his hoodie just- 🥺🥺

i think something that isn’t stressed enough is people who seem less vulnerable being attacked by predators, so if anyone even dares to approach you, kirishima will LITERALLY POP OFF

not like the quirk pop off-

“HEY! that wasn’t very manly of you!”

as you walk along the way, kirishima makes sure to never let go of you and make sure you feel completely safe with him

you two probably stop by a nearby restaurant and get some sort of food to-go before heading back and eating during class, but shh your teacher doesn’t have to know-

he’s such a sweetheart like honestly

kirishima makes every meal taste like 50 times better, and he makes sure that you eat and drink lots of water!

but if you’re honestly having trouble with your appetite, kirishima makes sure not to push you too hard

he holds your hand if you ever get scared, he tells a joke ease your mind a lil’ 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

eijiro makes sure that no matter what happens, he holds your hand and tells you to take it easy, but also encourages you whenever you need it

he’s so sweet, please keep him

4. ◪ crying + evening naps ◪ 5pm-7pm

crying

kirishima knows that crying is just something that’s natural, whether it’s that you’re frustrated or just feel so tired, he understands

and it’s not even like you’re having a full blown panic attack or anything. you just gotta have your daily cries, ya know?

please tell me i’m not the only one who has like scheduled daily cries-

“it’s okay, crying’s healthy for you, anyway! it’s definitely better than keeping it bottled inside you. c’mere.”

he kisses your scalp as he rocks you back and forth, occasionally wiping away a tear

kirishima reminds you that reacting some way to a bad situation is natural

“if someone was in your shoes, they’d most definitely feel that way, too! don’t feel like you’re the only one, baby, because you’re not. i’m here whenever you need me.”

after, he takes your hand and drags you to get a glass of water. “if you ever nee to cry again, you gotta stay hydrated,” he winks

he’s also so caring and soft when he sees you upset, he gives you the best cuddles as he plays with your hair. kirishima occasionally, when you’re crying, whispers in a compliment.

“your eyes are so magical.”

“you have such a beautiful smile.”

“you’re so… beautiful.”

naps

for naps, kirishima omg please jUST BE REAL FOR ONE SECOND

PLEASE HOW DID MY LIFE COME TO BEING IN LOVE WITH A COLLECTION OF PIXELS-

that beautiful, loving, emotional support shark is who i’m in love with and it’s insane

you rest your head on his chest, breathing in his scent as he places his hands around your stomach

(also kirishima would most definitely adore plus-sized people and stretch marks/acne. he loves every insecurity that people growing up may have, and that just gives me SO MUCH HOPE-)

everything is just so insanely peaceful as he has soft music playing in the background, kissing your nose and cuddling in closer with you

the blanket is directly over you, and after a long day at work, you two decide to take a break together

kirishima also most definitely makes sure to wake up earlier for the nap than you so that he could get you a cup of water

he plays with your hair and gently shakes you when you need to get back to work 🥺🥺

5. ☾ going to bed + cuddling headcanons ☽ 10pm-12am

OKAY SO I KNOW I ALREADY DID SOMETHING LIKE THIS HERE

but i literally canNOT STRESS HOW MUCH LOVE I HAVE FOR THIS INDIVIDUAL

he usually doesn’t mind if you stay up late, but as long as you take care of yourself while you’re at it, that’s completely okay!

kirishima usually likes to make sure that you have a consistent sleep schedule though, even if you look at him in the face and go,

“excuse me? sleep schedule? who’s that?”

eijiro just laughs in such a pure way before he helps you tie your hair or keep it up when you’re brushing/rinsing

while you brush your teeth though, he kinda just wraps his arms around your waist in such a gentle way 🥺🥺

he’s such a gentleman and just wants you to be happy

after, he gets you a cup of water and sits next to you on the mattress

he sometimes likes to play old rom-coms or films while cuddling next to you, or maybe some fancy lil’ disney movies

sometimes he’ll pick horror movies and say “i’m manly enough, i can take it!” and then you’re completely unfazed while kirishima SCREAMS

“b-being vulnerable is manly!”

“oh golly i love you so much.”

something i absolutely adore about kirishima is that he has so much respect for women, enby’s, whatever it is, he just wants them to feel safe and comfortable

he makes sure that it’s okay for him to wrap his arms around you, and makes sure to respect your boundaries

there’s no better place to be than in his arms when he’s wearing a hoodie and your face is rested in the crook of his neck

his chest rises and falls as he turns off the lights, and he might play some light music in the background

kirishima likes to play with your hair and makes raspberry blows into your neck aND I PERSONALLY THINK THAT’S HILARIOUSLY ADORABLE

he’ll make sure that no matter what, you feel safe and comfortable around him

you two sometimes end up having really deep conversations at like 2 am with him

for no apparent reason, you two just start talking away like it’s nothing

he holds your hand and runs his hands through your hair, before whispering comfort into your ear

“you’re so, so beautiful,”

“you have the most beautiful smile,”

“has anyone told you how nice your eyes were?”

“i love you.”

134 notes · View notes

springalwayscomes · 4 years ago

Text

Still Alive

I would need a million words

If I tried to define

All the things you mean to me, yeah

For you I'd die a thousand lives

Special kind of energy

'Cause love is born when hearts collide

Every time you touch me

You remind me that I'm still alive

-17, Pink Sweats

Plot: Jungkook is the reason. For what, you don’t really have to explain. And the fact that he’s been feeling low lately, you say, only makes you want to stay by his side more. Truth is he’s feeling worse than he’s ever felt.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Wordcount: 2.4k

Content Warning: Mentions and descriptions of panic and anxiety attacks, Jungkook is lost and depressed (if we have to minimize). Please do not read if you are triggered by this type of content.

Author’s Note: Honestly, I’m not even sure if I really want to post this. This one is different from what I’ve been writing until now and I feel so exposed. I’ve been through this, so it’s pretty difficult for me to talk about something like this without feeling exposed and fragile again, I’m not even sure about the reason why I wrote this, but now it’s done. I hope I will keep this on the blog, even though I’m not sure. It was inspired by the song 17 by Pink Sweats, and at the beginning I wanted to write a soft smut but it turned out to be like this and so much deeper than I‘ve ever imagined. To write it I really had to minimize the feelings I used to feel at that time, because I couldn’t express them in the right way and honestly (really honestly), thinking about that period of my life still scares me a lot. Anyway, I am feeling better now, and even though this work contains a lot of sadness and it’s really harsh and raw to read, I want to tell to whoever is going through this, or whatever problem you’re facing along your way that you’ll feel good again. Spring will come again, as our boys say. You’ll feel light again, and you will be three times wiser than you were before. I wish a happy new year to everyone and I hope that you will appreciate this! 2021 will be better than 2020, so let’s all cheer up.💜

«It just sucks»

These are the first words that welcome you home. Jungkook’s voice coming from the bedroom and your mind immediately wandering to understand what’s happening, if he’s fine. He’s been feeling low lately, anxious and stressed with work. It sucks to see him like this, if you were to use his words. It sucks.

Jungkook is the reason. For what, you don’t really have to explain. He is the reason. Jungkook is everything, everything.

The images of last night coming to your mind make you eyes water and you quickly take your shoes and coat off before you jog to the room where he is.

Layed on the bed, arms crossed on his chest and hair disheveled Jungkook stares the ceiling on top of him, Taehyung and Jimin at his sides. You swear you see his cheek glint under the light, the path of a tear making its way on his skin. Your chest heavies, breath stuck in your throat as Taehyung and Jimin notice your presence and greet you with smiles that say anything but happiness.

«Baby» you call out. Jungkook blinks, neck slowly turning to meet his eyes with yours. The way yours are watering more and more every second and the way Jungkook bites on his lower lip tell Taehyung and Jimin that they should probably leave you alone. The two sigh, hugging the littlest man tightly and whispering things you can’t discern from here, but Jungkook’s expression doesn’t change. And it breaks you apart, in a million, billiards of pieces, scraps.

His hyungs smile at you, each one leaving a kiss on your cheek before they head to the door.

It’s only when you hear it click that your body starts working again, quickly removing your clothes and letting them fall onto the floor, then taking big steps towards the bed and sitting down. You know what comes now, it became a routine by now, and Jungkook knows it too.

You hug him. So tight and comforting, lovingly that he feels his eyes water again, for the fifth time today. Your embrace smells like the both of you, familiar and special, a space that seems made just for him.

His head rests on your chest and a moment later you’re slowly laying on the mattress, leading him with you and trying your best not to make any movements that could scare him.

Jungkook is having problems, not a little. You’re just too scared to admit it.

He’s been feeling low lately, you say.

He’s feeling worse than he’s ever felt. He’s scared, scared of the world and himself, of everything. He always feels anxious, putting his nerves on the edge and his brain in condition of never stop working, he’s always attentive, watchful of everything, too much.

The anxiety eventually led to anxiety attacks and panic attacks. It’s been a hell of a road until now, and you thought that maybe he could make it. You still think it, but these times seem to be the hardest. Especially since yesterday night.

He had a panick attack in his sleep. His side of the bed wet with sweat and tears, his whines waking you up just to see him with his hands on his chest and his face soaked with both tears and sweat, eyes shut close and lips as red as blood.

Jungkook is extremely sensible. He feels the judgement of people, he’s shy and it takes him a lot to stand for himself, his self-esteem has never been so low than in these last year. All of these facts together, eventually led to a breaking point. This moment. “If you won’t let it go, it will occur the time where your body will come in the way and do it for yourself.”, said his psychologist last week as she tried to explain what was happening to him. “His brain told him to stop what he was doing and since he wouldn’t listen, it had found a different way.”

And you swear on your life as you hug him tighter and tighter to you, your fingers brushing through his hair and his hot breath fanning on your neck, that you will be here for him forever. It doesn’t matter how much it will take him to feel better, how hard it will be.

«Do you want to talk?» you whisper. As quietly as you can. He doesn’t answer, but you feel his arms tighten their hold around you. You watch the beautiful features of his face, his eyebrows, his eyes shut, his nose, the petals of his lips, the freckle on his nose and under his lower lips, his golden skin.

«I’m here, I am always going to be here. I love you» you whisper.

Jungkook wouldn’t want to do it again, but by now his eyes are reckless and they let out another tear; warm and full of pain it tickles his skin as it travels on his nose until it eventually falls and lands on your collar bone.

«I’m sorry» he whines, sniffing. His face nuzzles onto the crook of your neck as other warm tears wet your skin. Your heart shakes, your chest becomes heavier. You squeeze him so tight, if there was a way to take away all of his pain you’d do it without even blinking, even if it’d end with you being in his shoes.

«What are you sorry for?» you whisper again, your lips kissing the locks of his dark hair as he hides his face.

His body is stronger, bigger than yours. But he needs the same attention and love as a baby now, the same thoughtfulness. Jungkook is in a fragile state, and you have to be hyperaware of everything to make sure that he doesn’t slip out of your hands and fall, breaking into shatters on the cold floor.

«...This-» he weeps, his back shaken by sobs. «M-me... I-You-»

«Don’t be» you cut him off.

«Don’t ever feel sorry for how you’re feeling. Never» you reassure. A soft kiss is placed on his forehead, and another one on his hand after you slowly, carefully lead it to your lips.

«Did you have-»

«Three»

This time he’s the one who cuts off. He doesn’t want to hear their name, he hates them. He hates them so much, and for you is the same. Watching him in sweat, with tears falling down as he whines lost in his world, the way he can’t breathe in the right way, his lips trembling and his eyes desperate for help but afraid that it will never come, scared and in a world with no light at the end of the dark tunnel: that is what you hate the most in the world.

He hates panick attacks just as much as you do. Fuck them, you think.

Three. One shakes him enough to make him sleep for at least three or four hours after, all of his energies get sucked away in a scary way both mentally and phisically, to imaginewhat he is going through right now makes you hold him even tighter. Thank God that Taehyung and Jimin were free today and stayed here to help him, Jungkook is too afraid to remain home by himself, and honestly you would never leave him alone when he’s scared to death of himself. In the morning, he’s afraid to get up from the bed, because it feels like his only safe space, he doesn’t even dare to go to the kitchen; the only thing he can do is focus on his breathing, you are the one who brings him breakfast, lunch and dinner and help him eat. The idea of a new day already beginning scares him even more because he knows it will be just as shitty as the one before, full of fear for him. Panic and anxiety attacks come and go as if they were the air he exhales and lets out, some of them last longer and are deeper, Jungkook would end up crying in your arms and beg you to stop them. It breaks your heart everytime to not being able to help him just like he wants. You could see the fear in his eyes every time, and even when they finally leave, that shadow won’t. They scare him, so much that he does his best to avoid them, and right now is to just stay in bed. He can’t leave the bed without being swallowed by the anxiety of doing something wrong that will eventually trigger another attack, so he lays still for almost the full day beside of when he needs to go to the bathroom. You usually follow him and wait outside of the door, his cheeks redden every time at the thought of needing you to help him even for something so mere, but he’s thankful that you do. His deepest fear became himself, not being able to control his brain without falling in the arms of panic again. Just the other day he had whispered you that he was afraid of going out of his mind and that if he were destined to live like this for the rest of his life, he would prefer to be dead. The thought made you shiver. You had sweetly kissed his forehead, telling him back that he was all but crazy and that everything will eventually be alright, these are just some obstacles on the road. And you really hope it. The fact that now he’s not safe from attacks anymore not even in his sleep scares him even more.

«I’ll stop talking then,» you caress his neck, so incredibly warm that for a moment you think he might have had catched a fever too «you-»

«Please, don’t» his head slightly raises from its place in the crook of your neck, eyes looking at you. They look so tired, exhausted, spent, weary.

«Please talk to me, I want to hear your voice»

Your lips meet his forehead, pressing to it as if it was your lifeline. Jungkook’s eyes shut close, the feeling of something familiar warming up his chest just the slightest, he tells himself that maybe he could live with this sensation. It certainly would be better than being scared and breathless, with your brain playing tricks on you. It would be a hundred times better to live with this sensation, not tingling or burning hot but slightly calm and still, like a caress but really light. The one of the one hundred percent. This is enough to make him feel better, just the slightest. A speak of dust in the desert, but at least is something. It’s warm, familiar.

«I would need a million words if I tried to define all the things you mean to me»

Jungkook opens his eyes, watery again. His lips tremble, breath stuck as he looks at you with him emotions on full display, fragility at its peak.

«For you I’d die a thousand lives» you whisper. And God, you mean it. You never meant it more than now saying it in front of him, for his eyes and his heart.

«Special kind of energy, cause love is born when hearts collide» you go on. And by now, Jungkook knows what you’re doing.

«Is this-»

«Ssh» you caress his cheek trying to make him relax just a little bit. «Every time you touch me you remind me that I’m still alive»

Jungkook loses it as he looks at you while you say those words, the same that you’ve been reminding him of for all these minutes, this morning, yesterday night after you witnessed his state for all these days.

He doesn’t care if he’s feeling lightheaded or if the feelings in his chest are so deep and make him feel such in a haze that it will eventually lead him towards another panic attack. He needs you, he needs to feel alive again, to feel reassured and loved more than ever.

His lips meet yours, not in a soft peck like the ones you’ve been giving him in these last days. A kiss that makes his blood boil in his veins and his mind in a haze, not because it’s vicious or promises something more but because is full of promises of happy endings and limitless fondness, a kiss that would take away all his pain and give it to you if it was possible. That is what makes him wish he was able to give you more. He swears that he never felt something as soft as your lips, he never believed in a place as much as he believes in your embrace, he never loved someone as much as he loves you, he never felt more alive then now. You can feel his emotions on your lips, in your mouth; his fragility, the way he’s desperately trying to let himself go and how he hopes, how he believes that you will help him in doing so and will take good care of him if he succeeds, the bitter taste of the fear of being this fragile to himself, of feeling something that might be too much too handle for now.

It’s like giving his first kiss, it’s just like the first time. It’s new and Jungkook almost feels like he’s not enough because he knows he can’t give you more, and the thought makes his heart clench in pain. But you don’t care, and if he’s willing to give you ten then you’ll take five, because you don’t want to exhaust him. That’s the reason why you part from him, slowly.

Jungkook loves you, so deeply and profoundly. And you read it on his face as he parts from your lips and rests his head on your chest, his low lidded eyes keeping their stare on you.

«My heart is beating so fast» he whines, breath already itching, voice full of panic and fear.

«Bad fast or good fast?»

«Both» he shuts his eyes again. He’s going to have another panic attack, he can recognize it, he feels it coming, and you know it too just by that shadow in had in in his eyes before closing them. A mix of desperation and anger towards himself to not being able to control it.

At least, I’m still alive, Jungkook thinks. Even though, beside from that span of time when his lips met yours and he felt like he was doing the right thing, he is not that sure that it worths it.

Maybe tomorrow I can live a moment like that again, it’s the thought he tries to keep in mind as his breath itches more and more.

158 notes · View notes

supercorpkid · 4 years ago

Text

Coping mechanisms.

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader, Kelly Olsen x Niece!Reader.

Word count: 1516.

You’ve been having nightmares ever since Lena was attacked and you destroyed her entire office at L Corp after a panic attack. Now, you’re left trying to handle them. And by handling them, you’ve been waking up in the middle of the night and running to your moms’ bed. They are not complaining. Rao, no. They would never.

Lena always holds you tight and tells you she is fine, safe, and that you can relax. Kara always kisses your forehead and tells you she’s got you. And they cuddle you in their arms and you usually fall back asleep.

“So, baby.” Lena says one morning after a very particular bad night for all of you. You could not fall back asleep, even with them by your side, and you almost froze their room with your uneven breathing. “I was talking to Kelly, and she mentioned there are some coping mechanisms for the panic attacks you’ve been having.”

“You want me to go to therapy?” You ask in shock. “I’m ok. I just have some nightmares where you are dying and I can’t save you and I’m covered in your blood like Carrie. But it’s fine.”

They look at each other in shock. It takes them a while to move past the horrible image you just planted in their heads.

“Right. Totally fine.” Kara is the first one to break.

“Look, there are just some things you can do before bed that can help you sleep better.” Lena holds your hands.

“Is this because I’ve been sleeping in your bed? Because I don’t have to.” You try to defend yourself. “I could stay in my own room. Totally alone. Haunted by the ghosts of the terrible visions of you guys dying and leaving me alone forever.”

“It’s not because you’re sleeping in our bed.” She squeezes your hands, reassuring. “It’s because I don’t want any ghosts terrifying my baby.”

“Come on, little one.” Kara puts breakfast in front of you and you almost forget what was the conversation in the first place. “Just give it a try. Go see aunt Kelly after school, and just hear what she has to say.”

“Fine, fine.” You dismiss them with your hands. “Now more bacon, please.”

So that’s it. You’re going to see aunt Kelly and her list of ‘coping mechanisms’.

“You know, what really helps sometimes is just talking about it.” Aunt Kelly says looking at you while you pace around the room, nervously.

“You can’t be my psychologist. You know, I’ve read about it. It’s against the law or something.”

“It is not against the law, but you’re right, it’s not recommendable.” She raises her eyebrows and you adjust the frame of your glasses. Oh no, you’re nervous. You’re doing exactly what your momma does when she is nervous. “But I’m not here as your therapist. I just want you to know ways that you can deal with that.”

“Fear of the imminent death of a relative that you weren’t able to prevent even though you have superpowers?”

“Among other things, yes.”

“Ok, let’s hear it. Coping mechanism number one, talking about it. Doesn’t work. I have been telling everyone what’s going on inside my brain and I still wake up every night in terror, so… what’s number two?”

“Relaxation.” Aunt Kelly says, you look at her in doubt. “You can try to meditate. Or sit in nature for a while. You can try progressive muscle relaxation.”

“Hm, except the world is loud.” You finally sit down and look at her. “Aunty, what do you hear now?”

“Well, I hear our breathing. The AC is on. I hear cars from afar.” She puts her notebook down and looks at you so deeply you feel like she’s staring at your soul. “What do you hear?”

“Oh, Rao. What do I don’t hear, that’s the real question, isn’t it?” You throw yourself back in the chair with a huff sound. “Sirens, explosions, there’s a car chase downtown, a baby is crying, there’s a man yelling at the donuts shop. What a jerk. Oh, a pipe just burst in some poor woman’s house and she’s blaming her husband.”

“I see.” She stops you before you go on and on.

“It’s just very hard to relax when you have to try very hard NOT to, so you don’t hear all the noises in the universe.” You sigh. “Shall we try number three?”

“Physical activity is always good.” She picks up her notebook again. “It’s a natural form of stress relief.”

“I mean, do I have to tell you why physical activity won’t work on Supergirl’s daughter or do you think we’ve got it covered?” You don’t mean to be a pain in the ass, it’s just none of this would actually work on you. Kelly just stares at you for a while. She then puts her notebook down, and you can almost feel that she is giving up. Did you just break a therapist?

“Ok. Let’s think about what works for you.” She inhales deep. “What’s one way you use to shut the voices out?”

“Loud music usually helps.”

“Great. Before bed, put on your headphones, listen to very loud music. Shut out every other sound, shut out every other thought.” Kelly moves closer to you. “Honestly, it might not work. But if it doesn’t, we’ll think of something else, ok?”

“Sure. Yeah.” You stand up ready to leave. “Thanks aunt Kelly.”

She winks at you and you fly back home.

It’s already time for you to go to bed when Lena knocks on your door and puts her head inside.

“Hey babygirl, just want you to know that you’re more than welcome in our bed ok?”

“Thanks, mom.” You sit on your own bed a little nervous. “But first, I’m gonna try something aunt Kelly told me to.”

“Great. Have a goodnight, baby.” She closes the door and you scan your room for your headphones. This has to work. You’re done giving your moms reasons to worry about you, and if you’re being honest, the nightmares kind of suck too.

So, you put your phone on shuffle and the first music that blasts through it already says a lot about your situation.

“I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind.

There was something so pleasant about that place.

Even your emotions had an echo in so much space.

And when you’re out there, without care, yeah I was out of touch…”

“BUT IT WASN’T BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW ENOUGH, I JUST KNEW TOO MUCH! DOES THAT MAKE ME CRAZY?”

You up on your bed before you notice.

“DOES THAT MAKE ME CRAZY? DOES THAT MAKE ME CRAZY? POSSIBLY!!!”

Kara rushes in the room and flies in front of your face so you can see her. To be fair the music was so loud you didn’t even hear her coming inside.

“KID!” She says and you take off your headphones. You look at yourself standing on your bed and Kara looking at you like you’re insane.

“Was I singing loud?” You ask blushing and she shakes her head agreeing.

“If you can consider screaming at the top of your lungs singing.”

“Oh, Rao.” You let your body fall into the bed and cover your face with your hands. “This is so embarrassing.”

And just when you thought it couldn’t get more embarrassing for you, Lena walks in your room and you grunt terrified from the humiliation.

“Ok, listen, I’m not crazy!” You start justifying yourself before they send you to a mental hospital. “Aunt Kelly told me to listen to music as a coping mechanism and…”

“Oh, great.” Kara sits on your bed. “Let’s do it.”

“Do… what?” You finally lift your look to stare at her.

“Sing.” She takes the plug out of the phones and the song starts blasting from it. “YOU REALLY THINK YOU’RE IN CONTROL?”

She yells making you and Lena startled. Now you’re staring at her like she is insane.

“I THINK YOU’RE CRAZY! I THINK YOU’RE CRAZY! I THINK YOU’RE CRAZY JUST LIKE ME!” Kara keeps going and you look at Lena who’s trying very hard not to laugh. Kara looks at her too, almost like she’s asking for backup and Lena shrugs.

“EVER SINCE I WAS LITTLE, EVER SINCE I WAS LITTLE IT LOOKED LIKE FUN!” Lena is the next one to yell and you are so in shock you can’t even fully process what’s going on before you. Is Lena Luthor singing in your bedroom at ten thirty on a Wednesday night?

“COME ON KID!” Kara holds your hands and you let yourself go again even though this looks insane.

“BUT MAYBE I’M CRAZY, MAYBE YOU’RE CRAZY, MAYBE WE’RE CRAZY! PROBABLY!” You three yell together and fall into laughter right after. What. Just. Happened?

When you fall asleep that night, there are no nightmares. No powers spiraling out of control. There’s just music and laughter and fun. It’s amazing to know what your moms would do for you. Oh, and you have to remember to thank aunt Kelly for this.

Notes:

- how insane is that the first song on my phone was ACTUALLY this one?! I felt like it was meant to be!?!

- thanks @hermen0404 for another prompt idea! This was so much fun!

#supergirl #supercorp fanfic #supercorpfamily #kara danvers #lena luthor #kara x lena #reader #supercorp

118 notes · View notes

beeexx · 4 years ago

Text

A little Tarlos moment fron 2x09

Read on ao3

TK’s headache has moved further down from his forehead, to settle like a blanket of pain wrapped over his eyes instead. It makes sitting in the uncomfortable hospital chair all the more worse, the bright light doing nothing other than adding to his growing discomfort and slight nausea. He is tapping his leg, the sound bouncing off the quiet sleepy room, and he thinks that the only reason Marjan hasn’t whacked him to make it stop is because she’s still pitying him over his brief spell in a room similar to the one Judd is in for a concussion that still hasn’t completely gone away. He moves his head between his legs, closes his eyes to try and drown out some of the blinding lights and breathes through his nose.

He keeps bouncing his leg though.

TK hates hospitals. He has many reasons for disliking them but he’s never had to spend a night on the edge of his seat, worried sick for people he cares about before, not in this capacity at least and it’s making him feel sick.

The worst thoughts rush through to the surface unbidden. What if he never gets to see either one of them again, hear them laugh, joke around with Judd, dinner at their place every other Sunday. What if Judd doesn’t make it? What if Grace dies? What if -

“Hi, you okay?” It’s Carlos of course, back from his coffee run, who gently places a hand on his shoulder. TK tenses for a moment, caught off guard and suddenly ready to bolt right out of his seat. He can’t fully tamper down his reaction and Carlos notices of course. TK thinks he’s probably frowning and it doesn’t take long for Carlos to start to shuffle around until he’s sitting on the ground in front of TK, coffee cup left forgotten on the chair. TK opens his mouth-

“Don’t tell me you’re fine, it’s very obvious that you aren’t.” Carlos chastises making TK look up from the ground he’s been staring holes at. His lip twitches though and he nods.

“Yeah, I won’t.” He promises and it makes Carlos’ worry lines less prominent for a moment. His hair is still a little sleep tussled, a few strands of curls at the back Carlos spends ages on each morning to lie flat are now loose and he looks tired, he is probably as tired as TK feels.

It’s been just a few days since the kidnapping and TK’s gotten used to having a particularly sort of nasty headache as his daily companion since then, ruining both his days and nights with spells of pain that won’t go away. Well, it’s probably ruined Carlos’ nights too, judging by the growing circles underneath his eyes, and TK’s constant tossing and turning every time they’re in bed. It’s been a few days of bad sleep and lounging around the house with Carlos worrying. It makes TK feel really bad, he hates it when Carlos worries about him.

Both he and Carlos had however gotten their best night’s sleep in days when the call came through, waking them both and sending TK into a near panic attack when he heard what had happened. He’s strung so ridiculously tight he’s scared he’s going to snap in half and he goes back to bouncing his leg, trying to distract from his discomfort, averting his eyes.

“Hey, no shutting me out.” Carlos gently cups his chin and forces him to meet his eyes, thumb stroking up and down in comforting motions, eyes kind and understanding. TK sighs but he nods.

“Sorry.” His voice cracks and he clears his throat, trying to get the lingering thickness away. He looks away for a moment, sees Mateo is asleep with his head resting on Paul’s shoulder while Paul is reading, frowning slightly as his eyes move across the text, flipping pages now and then. Marjan left with Tommy a while back to go do something TK isn’t sure of exactly and he hasn’t seen his dad for a while either. They are all somewhere near of course, lurking, in case something changes.

“I’m scared.” TK keeps his voice down though, just in case. Carlos nods and moves his hands to cover TK’s thighs, pressing gently down on his right leg to stop the movement. It’s an involuntary reaction on TK’s end that he stops, the effect of Carlos’ touch on him, anchoring, calming him down almost immediately. Carlos gently squeezes his knee.

“I know baby, I am too. But the doctors are optimistic and we have to believe them.”

“They are cautiously optimistic and I don’t know what that means in doctor lingo but cautiously sounds like it’s not something to celebrate yet.” He mutters.

“Maybe not, but it’s not cause for sitting here looking close to fainting either. I don’t think Judd would like it if you ended up in a hospital bed yet again after getting out of one so soon.”

“I would do it if it would make him wake up and bust my balls.”

Carlos' mouth twitches.

“He’s going to wake up.” Carlos says with such conviction TK believes him.

“But what about Grace?” He whispers, dread filling his stomach. Grace with her kind eyes, easy smiles, never ending patience and generous support TK’s not realised he’s cherished this much until she’s suddenly been hurt, with the outlook not seeming good. He is scared, terrified even that she might not make it. He doesn’t know what it would do to Judd if that was to happen. Carlos grows serious and his eyes travel to the room she is in, sadness passing over his features. With Michelle gone a lot Carlos and Grace had formed an easy friendship to fill up that empty space, and so it wasn’t totally unusual that when TK came home after shifts to find Grace and Carlos out on the patio together, drinking lemonade and chatting away, smiles wide and whatever task they had said they would do, long forgotten. It’s not just TK it pains to see Judd and Grace hurt, it pains Carlos just as much and TK immediately reaches forward, cupping Carlos’ cheek and leaning his forehead on his, offering his comfort up like it’s second nature. They both exhale, breathing through it together.

“It’s going to be okay, it has to.” Carlos says quietly and gives himself over to the worry for a moment before he pulls himself together, pushing the worry down. TK knows compartmentalising like Carlos can do is something that isn’t always the healtihest of coping mechanisms. Right now though, TK isn’t going to say anything, god knows he has a terrible track record of bad ways to deal with things, and he wishes at this moment that he could do it too, push it down and focus on something else.

“The doctors say Judd is going to wake up but it will be a few hours until then, so we’re going to have to believe that everything is going to be okay. In the meantime why don’t we go home and shower and change clothes.” He suggests.

“Not to sleep?”

“I’m not aiming that high today, I don’t think either of us will be able to do that. But you don’t look too good right now and it’s worrying me a little, so instead of checking you into this hospital myself I suggest we go back to mine and recharge for a moment and come back with food for everyone. I’m sure they’ll all need it.”

It’s a distraction, probably as much for Carlos as it is for TK, but it’s a distraction born out of kindness and a big heart, the need to do something other than sit here and worry sick. Carlos, TK has learnt during this year, is the kind of person that needs to do something, he’ll feel absolutely useless sitting still. His brain works best when he’s doing things while TK tends to be the other way around, shutting down, unable to do anything other than freezing, standing still in his growing anxiety, until everything boils over and the urge to either get high or do something almost as equally stupid gets too much and he can’t stop it, sending him down bad paths.

So he takes the opportunity and nods. Carlos gets to his feet and holds his hand out for him. TK takes it and gently and carefully Carlos pulls him to his feet and wraps an arm around him immediately. For a moment TK snuggles close, nosing at Carlos’ neck before he moves his head away, focusing on walking instead.

“How’s your head?”

“Sore.” He admits out loud and Carlos frowns. “It’s feeling more like a migrain though so maybe it’s just stress?”

“Maybe, do you want an ice pack?” TK thinks of saying no but he isn’t looking forward to getting into the car with the raging monster banging against his eyelids so he nods. Carlos gently kisses his forehead, squeezes his hand before he walks away, leaving TK alone in the mostly deserted hallway, with his thoughts again.

Being a firefighter has made TK somewhat immune to certain high risk situations, gruesome injuries, fright so visceral people become unpredictable, or shock so silent it feels it lasts for days unable to break free of, and death too, to some extent at least. His dad’s cancer, which had been a suffocating presence, expanding each day inside of TK’s ribcage, making it impossible to focus on anything other than it, giving him little room to exist outside of the anxiety and constant worry. Tim more recently, which had been quick and taking the breath out of him, slamming straight into TK like a block of concrete, catching him unaware.

His own overdose is a reminder that it takes different shapes.

And then this. Relentless, big, sudden. Impossible to escape. Scary.

They all wear their worry on their faces and clinging desperately to hope that feels like it’s dimming with each moment he stands here.

He twists the string of Carlos’ APD hoodie, the first thing he had gotten his hands on when they were rushing to get here in the middle of the night. It was a few hours ago now and there hasn’t been an update for a while now, other than that they can only wait which anyone knowing him should be aware he’s terrible at.

Carlos comes back shortly after, holding the promised ice pack, TK looks behind him at a nurse with red cheeks and a bright smile as she watches them.

“Carlos Reyes did you flirt with a nurse to get me this?” But he accepts it gratefully and presses it to his face, exhaling in relief at the cold seeping onto his clammy skin.

“I charmed her more likely, by talking about my very cute but bratty boyfriend.”

“Yeah I’ve changed my mind, I don’t care how you got it, I’m just happy that you did.” Carlos snorts and ruffles his hair.

They drive back and Carlos helps TK up the stairs before he disposes of him gently onto the bed. When he goes to leave, TK tugs him back, holding tightly onto his hand.

“Where are you going?” He sounds small, he feels small right now.

“Just to get some water, I’ll be right back -” But TK shakes his head, moves the pack of ice away and pulls harder on Carlos’ hand until he gets the hint and climbs into the bed. TK pulls him close, arms wounding around his neck and tucks his face into Carlos’ neck. Carlos' hands come to rest on his waist, big and strong, secure around TK. He feels the heath of them through the shirt he is wearing. He can feel Carlos’ heartbeat against his ribcage too, riverbating through him.

Still here. Still alive.

TK is used to danger.

But he isn’t used to this kind of danger, when it feels deeply personal, like an attack.

And it’s all so sudden, after Carlos’s suspension that has luckily been lifted but had given him enough stress and worry making TK wish he could march into Carlos’ precinct and yell at his boss that one of their best officers deserved better. It comes too soon after he was taken hostage and hurt, the wound hasn’t even begun to heal and it’s been roughly torn open again making TK feel so goddamn unsteady, the fear he’s suddenly been slammed with so tangible as it presses down on him from all sides. He feels he’s been edging closer and closer to a panic attack all night and the only thing that hasn’t sent him completely over the edge is having Carlos near.

But he’s also so goddamn scared suddenly. He’s suddenly terrified of losing Carlos. A car accident, those happen so often and maybe TK’s been naive but this has never felt like such a palpable threat to him before, until now. Until Judd and until Grace.

“Talk to me?” Carlos whispers, forcing TK out of his thoughts for a moment and TK hugs him closer, biting down the tears that have come unwillingly.

“You can never leave me.” The words come pouring out of him and his voice breaks, unable to be kept steady. He bites down hard on his lip but an audibly sniff escapes and when Carlos tries to move his head away TK hugs him tighter, not wanting any space left between them.

Carlos is quiet for a moment, but no longer than that. He takes his hands away from TK’s waist and wraps them gently around TK’s wrists to gently tug them away from his neck so he can look at him.

“What’s wrong?” He asks and takes TK’s hands in his, holding them delicately, stroking his thumbs soothingly across TK’s skin. TK angles them slightly against Carlos’ chest, closer to his ribcage, where he can feel the thumping of Carlos’ heart underneath his shirt. It comforts him, the only steady rhythm to latch onto at the moment, to try and steady his own breathing, copying the unwavering rise and fall of Carlos’ chest.

“I don’t know…” TK whispers, unable to meet Carlos’ eyes. He focuses on his and Carlos’ tangled hands, trails the blue veins with his eyes, Carlos’ slender and long fingers, trying to find the right words, while also buying some time.

“No?” Carlos gently pushes and TK shakes his head. “TK.” Carlos sighs before he cups TK’s cheek and angles it up so he can meet his eyes. TK blinks a few times to clear his watery eyes and Carlos wipes a stray tear away with his thumb, expression stricken, like it gets when he wants so badly to help but doesn’t know what to do.

“When I was taken hostage…” He begins, clears his throat a few times, can’t bear watching Carlos upset. “I didn’t really stop to consider how awful it was for you during those hours, and I haven’t been able to grasp the intent completely behind your worrying these few days and now it makes me feel like such an ass. But I understand it now too, what happened to Judd and Grace, it could happen to us too and it’s so scary, so scary Carlos, what if -” He stops, gulps down more tears and bites his wobbling lip hard.

“Hey, hey.” Carlos says gently and TK’s eyes snap to him. They are sad, but determined too. “It could, but even so I will always promise to fight to get back to you.”

“I wish you could promise me you won’t leave me or that I could promise that nothing’s going to happen to me.”

“Well knowing you, letting you out of my sight has proven to be a massive mistake, I swear you’re the most accident prone person I know.” TK wetly chuckles and Carlos’ mouth twitches, the joke easing the tension between them.

“I get scared too, all the time…” Carlos confesses and TK searches his face, reaches out automatically to smooth over the worryline on his forehead, itching to kiss it away.

“Yeah?” TK asks. Carlos nods.

“Yeah, all the time. Especially where you are concerned. But I do think it’s only normal with our jobs and so on. Just… I don’t know, try and be more careful?” The frown grows into a wry little smile and maybe if TK wasn’t so shook from earlier he would have joked it away, but he nods seriously instead.

“I promise. I will always come back, always. Even if I leave.” It’s a painful reminder of TK walking out on Carlos a few months back, still making TK feel ashamed of how he acted. But things are different between them now and walking away from Carlos and from everything they have built together and are going to continue building, that is not an option anymore. “Good.” Carlos whispers and kisses his nose making TK smile. “I will always come back too. Always. I will fight every day to make that promise true.”

“Me too.” TK promises, takes their intertwined hands and kisses the promise into their hands, hoping that the day will never come where he doubts it, doubts them and their future.

“We’re going to be okay.” Carlos promises and TK closes his eyes and rests his forehead on Carlos’, slowly starting to accept it.

“Yeah.” TK whispers.

“And so is Judd and Grace.”

TK isn’t fully there yet where he dares believe it to be true, but he isn’t giving up hope that it’s all lost either.

“So, how about a shower?”

TK opens his eyes, yawns before he stretches, pops his back and nods.

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

Carlos helps him to his feet and in the bathroom they undress each other before they get in together. TK hums in content as the hot water washes over him and with it the last doubts he has about the future, down the drain where it belongs. As soon as Carlos joins him inside TK walks close, presses his body to Carlos’. It’s not sexual, but it’s a need, to have him near, to let the calmness of Carlos’ wash over him and bring with it a comfort only Carlos can bring out in him and judging by the harsh breath escaping Carlos’ he craves the contact almost as much as TK does. TK presses a soft kiss to Carlos’ heart and it grows comfortable between them. That’s until Carlos decides to squirt shampoo loudly on top of TK’s head, breaking them out of the moment. TK’s glare turns into a laugh and Carlos’s eyes sparkle, so very much alive and TK’s insides flutter.

They shower for longer than what they had planned and when they do make it back to the hospital, carrying food from a place Carlos knows to be one of Grace’s favourite takeaways he feels better, more hopeful and willing to believe that things will work out. Carlos’ hair is messy from TK running his fingers through it, but his arm is secure around TK’s waist and TK’s leaning on his shoulder, watching their family help unpack the bags.

And then Judd wakes up.

#tarlos #tk x carlos #carlos reyes #tk strand #911 lone star #9-1-1 lone star #missing scene from 2x9 #tarlos fic #911 lone star fic

46 notes · View notes

jatphantomsimagines · 4 years ago

Text

Before Us (2) | Luke Patterson

Synopsis: In 1995, Sunset Curve was set to play The Orpheum. 25 years later they wake up in a whole new world and Luke finds somebody he once used to know.

Authors Note: I apologize ahead of time because this chapter is mainly filler, just gotta move the story along (and also show y’all Julie + Riley’s friendship)

PREVIOUS | NEXT

__/—–\__

All night long all Riley could think about was how quiet Julie had been at school after her crying session in the hallway. She was worried, so she decided upon waking up that she would head over to Julie’s house and walk with her to school.

She had made it quickly, her thoughts clouded with the music that flooded through her headphones. They were old recordings she had found of her mom’s music, having moved them to her computer and changing them to a playable format. It was comfortable for her to be able to hear her mom, being able to sing along with her. Every so often there would be a duet, a boy's voice chiming in and singing along.

Riley wasn’t sure who it was, not knowing much about her mom’s past besides what her dad had told her. This mystery man sang in Riley’s ears, her nerves calming and easing her anxieties about walking into Julie’s house unannounced.

Walking up to the house, she could hear something coming from the backyard and she removed one of her headphones. Riley made her way down the stairs to Julie’s garage, heading over to the doors she could hear the familiar sound of piano chords being played and Julie’s voice ringing out through the open air. She echoed, energy seeming to buzz around Riley causing the hair on her arms to stand up.

Tears came into her eyes and before she could stop herself she was running over and pushing the door open and looking Julie dead on. The girl continued singing, a smile lighting up her face and their gazes meeting. Julie finished singing and called the girl over, Riley joining the girl on the piano bench. The feeling was familiar, having been in this position so many times throughout their childhood.

As Julie was about to speak up, both their attentions were brought over to the door where Flynn was storming in.

“Carlos told me you’d be out here.” The two stared her down, waiting for her to continue. “The three of us need to talk.”

“Are you okay?” Julie asked, Riley motioning for the girl to come closer to the piano, genuine worry flitting across her face.

“No, I’m not okay Julie. You just got kicked out of music! I’ve been up all night thinking about what I was going to say. Might’ve drank seven sodas, but I need to get this out.”

Riley couldn’t help but giggle, piping up quietly. “I thought that was how you spent most nights.”

Flynn turned to look at the girl, rolling her eyes the same way Julie did when she was teased. Riley knew that the girls loved her antics, and even if they got annoyed sometimes they wouldn’t hesitate to be the first people to fight for her.

“Look Julie, you can’t give up music. And Riley agrees.” Riley shook her head, looking very serious as Flynn motioned to her. “Your music is like a gift so that would be a tragedy. So, you’re basically cancelling Christmas, and I love Christmas.”

“May I add, I also love Christmas.” Julie couldn’t help but laugh at that comment, Flynn continuing on her rant without even batting an eyelash.

“When we were six we all promised to be in a band together. The Triple Threat.”

“I never agreed to that name.” Julie piped up.

“Yeah well Riley did and that’s two versus one, anyways! Jules, if you leave the music program the three of us will be apart forever. That’s just what happens.” She joined the other two on the bench and Riley reached around Julie so she could rub Flynn’s back lightly. She knew that the other girl was over exaggerating but her worries were still valid and Riley wanted to ease them.

“Sure we’ll see each other in the hall sometime, but we’ll have different lives, make new friends.”

“That’s not true. Can I please talk now?” Julie pleaded with the other girl and Flynn finally relented. “I just played the piano and sang again.”

A look of shook covered Flynn’s face and she laughed, looking between the two girls in disbelief. Riley nodded, still not quite believing it herself that her best friend was playing music again.

“What? Why didn’t you just say so?”

“Well she would've had you not barged in and let your seven soda’s kick in.” Riley pointed out.

“I’m so happy for you! And us!” She quickly grabbed Riley’s hand and squealed. “Look at you, looking all, I don’t know, alive again!”

“What made you play again?” Riley asked, bumping her shoulder gently about Julie’s. She was curious, wondering if Julie had managed to work through her grief during the night.

“I found this song my mom wrote me.” She paused showing the two girls the song on the piano. Riley read it over and felt her heart clench. The song was all about moving on and moving forward, exactly what Julie needed right now. She hugged the girl tightly, still holding Flynn’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

“I was so afraid to play it. Anything involving music reminds me of her. And then I woke up this morning, realizing that’s why I should play it. To keep her memory alive.” Flynn awed slightly and moved closer, wrapping herself around Julie’s other side and joining the group hug. Flynn gasped, pulling away quickly and speaking.

“We need to tell Mrs. Harrison you can play so you can stay in school and our lives won’t be the awful pictures I just painted for you.” Riley laughed, standing up and dragging both girls with her. They made their way out of the garage together, Julie stopping to close the door behind herself.

“Oh hey.” Julie speaking caused both Flynn and Riley to turn around and face the girl. Riley raised an eyebrow as Julie stared at the empty space next to her and Flynn coughed. She turned to look at the girls, realizing they were still there. “Let’s hustle.”

And with that Julie was ushering the two girls off and on their way to school. The three of them huddled together laughing and talking about how they were going to convince Mrs. Harrison to let Julie stay in the music program.

The easiest decision the three of them could come up with was to let Julie perform in front of her, hoping that Julie’s “killer voice and pure talent” would blow her away, Flynn’s words. Riley agreed, piping in that once Mrs. Harrison heard Julie again she would let her back into the program.

Time seemed to pass by quickly as the three of them talked and talked, laughing away at each other’s stupid okes and making silly quips here and there. The energy around the three of them was comfortable, a relaxing presence that brought all of them some peace.

“Do you think she’ll really let me back in?” Julie asked as the three girls walked up and into the school.

“She has too, you’re too good to let go.” Riley answered.

“Believe me, I think it’s wonderful that you sang again. I prayed for this moment for almost a year. But it’s too late.” Mrs. Harrison gave the girls an apologetic look and Riley felt her shoulders slump. There was no way it could end like this. She hadn’t even given Julie an actual chance to prove herself.

“But what if you just hear her play, you know she’s amazing.” Riley pleaded. Mrs. Harrison shook her head.

“It wouldn’t matter. A new student starts tomorrow. There’s only--”

“So many spots.” Julie finished, knowing the line by now. “And if I don’t participate, I’m out. I know.”

“I did everything I could to keep you here this year, but Principal Lessa was very clear that yesterday was your last chance. You’ll have to reapply next semester.” The bell rang as Mrs. Harrison finished explaining the situation to the girls and Riley couldn’t help but feel as if they had lost one of the most important battles of their lives.

They had worked so hard, she had seen the progress Julie had made, had even heard her sing alone that morning. The sound of Julie finally letting go of all the pent up emotions she had been harboring and pouring them out into the best version of themselves.

“I’m truly sorry.” She finished. Students began to file in for the next class and Riley led the girls out of the room, Flynn slinging her arm around Julie’s shoulders, trying to offer some comfort from the situation.

The girls looked between each other and Riley sighed, the familiar action of her hands sliding into her pockets offering her some minor comfort. The jacket she wore belonged to her mother, something she had seen her wearing many times in photos of her own youth, and while Julie played music to stay connected to her mother, Riley went through her things and wore her clothes.

“This sucks.” She kicked her toe into the ground, rubbing her shoe until a small sprout of pain surfaced. A frown stayed placed on her lips, Julie looking up at her and taking her hand in her own.

“It’s going to be okay, I’ll get in next semester.”

“But you’re playing music now! You should be allowed to have the tools and training that we do, who cares if you needed some time.” Riley groaned and gripped her hair in hands. Julie ran over quickly, recognizing the action as a stress habit the other had developed after being in the car accident that killed her mother.

“Riley, breathe.” Julie led the breaths, placing a hand on Riley’s diaphragm, just as her mother had done when the girl would have panic attacks at their home. After a few moments of breathing, Riley calmed down and the urge to pull at herself went away.

“Thank you, mi cielo.”

Before Us Tags:

@vicesvsvirtuesfanfic @dpaccione @ashleyleblancx

#julie and the phantoms #julie and the phantoms imagines #julie and the phantoms luke #luke julie and the phantoms #luke patterson #luke patterson imagine #luke patterson angst #luke patterson fluff #luke patterson fic #luke patterson fanfiction

114 notes · View notes

sugarandsoft · 4 years ago

Text

White Noise | K. Bakugo

summary: bakugo buys a white-noise machine to help him sleep. what he doesn’t realize, however, is that it brings you painful memories.

tw: past abuse is mentioned, reader has a panic attack?

pairing: prohero! bakugo x reader

word count: 1.3k

Bakugo didn’t think it would be a problem for him to buy a white-noise machine to help him sleep at night. Being a pro hero was a stressful job, and his loud quirk added on to the chaos he experienced every day. When he asked you if it was okay to buy it, you had smiled and nodded. Inside your mind, however, Bakugo’s request brought back all the painful memories of your previous boyfriend, a total douche who had trapped you in a relationship for two years before your other friends realized you were being abused.

Of course, you and Bakugo had discussed your past early on in your relationship. You had no doubt that he would never treat you like anything less than royalty. As fierce and rude as his personality appeared on the outside, you knew your Katsuki to be a passionate, ambitious man who loved deeply and truly. Even though he pretended to be nonchalant about your relationship, he never forgot about dates, made breakfast for the two of you everyday, and remembered all of your likes and dislikes. Bakugo was the perfect boyfriend - one that any person could only dream of.

You didn’t want to seem like a burden to him. Katsuki worked so hard and put up with a lot of things just for you, so why should you get in the way of his sleeping schedule and relaxation? It wasn’t fair to him, you thought. So the first few nights after the wretched machine was placed in your room, Bakugo slept soundlessly, not knowing his precious lover was fighting back tears, a pillow muffling any sounds you could possibly make.

But you couldn’t keep it up for the whole week. After three days with little to no sleep, Katsuki started noticing dark bags under your eyes and how you always seemed to be slumped over when you sat down. “Hey, have you been sleeping okay?” he asked you gruffly during breakfast. You almost dropped your chopsticks.

“Y-yeah, I’ve been sleeping norma-”

Katsuki cut you off. “Cut the crap, dummy, do you think I’m blind? Tell me why you look so tired.”

“Um,” What do I say? you thought. I don’t want him to know it’s the white noise machine. You frowned. “I’ve just been… stressed about some paperwork with the agency, that’s all. I-It’s okay, though! I have a later shift today, so I can relax a bit this morning.”

Your boyfriend stared into your eyes, for a few seconds, unblinking, as if trying to dissect you under his gaze. Then he sighed.

“Alright,” he said. Katsuki got up and took both of your plates to the sink. Before he left the room, he flicked your forehead. “None of those stupid extras are worth getting you all bothered, okay? If it’s too much, I can take care of it for you.”

You smiled. “Aww, thanks babe! You’re so sweet.” His worried look quickly shifted into a scowl.

“Tch, what?”

“You’re just the best boyfriend ever!”

“Shut up, dummy!”

You knew he was all talk, though. “My cute, blasty baby,” you gave him a quick kiss on the lips, short but hard. When you pulled away, Bakugo’s eyes were wide, cheeks furiously red. Got him.

“Want another one, Kaachan~?”

“No! I-I’m out of here!” Sometimes you forgot how flustered he could get. He grabbed his work bag and went to the door. You got up to follow him and see him off. Once the door had shut, you trudged over to the couch and slumped into it. How were you going to sleep now?

____________

Now, Katsuki Bakugo was many things. Short-tempered, unapologetic, strong. But unobservant was not a word in his vocabulary. Did you really think he wouldn’t notice how you hesitated to answer his question over breakfast? Or the way you quickly put on a mask and tried to distract him with affection? He blushed slightly at the memory, but he shook it off. No. Katsuki Bakugo knew something was up. And he knew he had to find out why you looked so damn tired.

That night, he brought home your favorite take-out. You didn’t question it, and the two of you had a great dinner. Katsuki didn’t talk too much, just arrogantly said stuff like how he beat up more villains than Deku and how he could probably “make this stupid food a hundred times better himself”. The usual banter, of course.

Then he drew up a bath and the two of you went in together. You washed each other’s hair gently, and by the time he was done drying your hair off, you were fast asleep, dozed off against his chest. Bakugo scooped you up into his arms and tucked you into bed. After that, he unashamedly logged onto your computer to check how much work you had left to do.

As he suspected, you hadn’t had any new paperwork since two days ago, and you had finished it all yesterday. Now he knew something was up. Bakugo joined you in bed and decided to confront you the next morning. After all, you were already sleeping, and he didn’t want to wake you up when you had been looking so tired lately.

When you woke up, it was still dark inside of your room. When had you fallen asleep? Before you could gather your bearings, you heard it. The horrifying noise of the white machine. And then that noise was swallowing you up, drowning out everything around you. Someone help, you thought. It felt like you couldn’t breathe, as if all the air had been sucked out of your lungs and replaced with thick, heavy oil that was choking you. You curled into yourself, hugging your legs to your chest. You are not with your ex right now, you tried to tell yourself. Katsuki is right here next to me. Katsuki wouldn’t - he would never -

Katsuki woke up to the feeling of something, or rather someone, shaking next to him. He turned over in bed, and his eyes widened at the sight of you in a fetal position, clutching a pillow as if your life depended on it. You were muttering something under your breath between short wheezes, unable to catch your breath. He leaned closer to hear what you were saying.

“K-Katsuki wouldn’t h-hurt me… wouldn’t hurt …. Katsuki w-wouldn’t..”

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked. “[Name]?” he said it more firmly. But it didn’t reach your ears. All you could focus on was trying to breathe, trying to get the images out of your head. It felt hopeless. The only thing you could see was that man, his arms beating down on your body. The white noise was like a roar in the background, drowning out your cries for helping.

Suddenly, you heard a voice. “[Name].” Katsuki? For a moment, your panic faltered. “[Name], can you hear me?” You realized that his hands were on your shoulders, and you used his voice to grasp back into reality. Bakugo was leaning over you, eyes wide with worry.

“I-I can’t--” you tried to speak.

“It’s okay,” he looked visibly relieved that you were at least coherent. “Listen to my voice, okay?” You nodded. “I’m going to count. Take some deep breaths with me.”

“One-” inhale.

“Two-” exhale.

By the time Bakugo reached ten, you were much more calm. He was now holding you to his chest, rubbing your back as you silently sobbed.

“I’m sorry,” you hiccuped..

“It’s not your fault,” he whispered back to you. “I should’ve known better. I should’ve realized that the white noise was bad for you…” his voice trailed off.

“Please, just hold me, Katsuki,” you said. Bakugo complied, and he set you down on the bed so that he was spooning you.

“We’re going to throw that damn thing out in the morning,” he grumbled into your neck.

“But, then how are you going to--”

Bakugo shushed you. “It’s fine, you’re more important than some some stupid machine or a little bit of sleep. I’m a lot more comfortable when you’re lying down next to me. You’re all I need, okay, dummy?”

You finally stopped crying. “Okay.”

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugo #bakugou #bakugo katsuki #bakugou katsuki #bakugo oneshot #bakugou oneshot #bnha request #mha request #my hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia x reader

158 notes · View notes

mochegato · 4 years ago

Text

Covert Marriage

Covert Dating Covert Romance Covert Wedding

Prompt sent in by @redscarlet95 - what happens when Marinette’s family and friends find out about the wedding?

“Okay… are you ready for this?” Before Jason could respond, Marinette continued her decent into rambling madness. “Am I ready for this? Oh God, I’m not ready for this. We are not ready for this. This is going to be terrible. They’re going to hate me and kick me out and I’ll be homeless. Homeless, Jason, homeless!” Jason gave her a bemused smile and grabbed her hand with his free hand, his other hand loosely gripping the rental car’s steering wheel. She had been catastrophizing over telling her parents about their sudden elopement on and off for the last few weeks, ever since they got back to Gotham from their wedding.

“Pixie, Love, Light of my Life, we have our own apartment and you’re already making it into a beautiful home. You won’t be homeless. And they won’t hate you. They love you. They will still love you after this,” he assured her. Marinette looked at him doubtfully, her mind still racing with all the terrible possibilities her anxiety had convinced her were inevitable.

He knew somewhere in her mind she knew he was right and he would be more concerned about the reveal of their marriage to her parents if she hadn’t reassured him on multiple occasions, after she had calmed down from her panic attack, that it would be fine, really. Her parents were amazing and they might be surprised and maybe a bit disappointed, but they would still love her and they would welcome him with open arms… eventually. So, he let her panic run its course for the time being, with only minor interference to keep it from going too dark, and instead focused on the road ahead of them, occasionally squeezing her hand to offer silent support.

Marinette looked down at their hands with a small smile before her eyes widened in horror, “Oh my God, my ring! They’re going to know as soon as they see the ring. I should… we shouldn’t… You know what? We should ease them into this instead. We should… You should be my boyfriend first. Yeah! I should take off my ring so they… so it will all be okay. They can meet you as my boyfriend first… or just a friend. Maybe you can walk by and we can pretend we are meeting for the first time? We can tell them about the marriage in a year or two… we’ll have to have a second ceremony, but that should be fine. We just have to let your family know not to mention anything whenever they finally meet. We’ll have to sedate Dick, but that’s for the best for everyone really. How long do you think we can keep him sedated before causing permanent damage?”

Jason laughed before giving her a gentle look, “Marinette, no. As much as I love the idea of tranquing Dick, it will all be okay. Please don’t take your ring off. Your parents would be more upset if they found out you lied to them and especially if everyone but them knew,” he said calmly trying to reason with her. “They love you. They can handle this. So can we. We will be fine, Pix. And I will be there right next to you the whole time, yeah?”

“Yeah?” she gave him an uncertain look.

“Yeah,” he said running his finger along her cheek with his free hand. “Come on, you’ve taken on a city full of zombies. You can handle this.”

She gave him a firm smile, “Right. We can do this. We’re a team. We can handle anything. Okay, recon report: Sabine Cheng and Tom Dupain. Marital status, married… to each other. Occupation, bakers who own their own business, a very popular boulangerie and patisserie in Paris. One child, a daughter currently in this rental car with you, who got married to you without their knowledge. Age, you don’t need to know.

“Psych work up, Sabine has a glare that would put Batman to shame and although capable of messing you up, she won’t actually, physically hurt you. She may make a vague threat on what she will do to you if you hurt me and she’ll make you feel like you disappointed her, which… which is worse honestly. But, after everything she will give an amazing hug to make you feel better and offer you food and something to drink casually mentioning that you are part of the family after all.

“Tom looks like he could crush you with one arm but is actually less threatening than Batcow. He’ll follow Sabine’s judgement, but he is likely to scowl at you until he decides for himself. He will continue to be suspicious of you even after my Maman welcomes you to the family. If you talk about how you just want to make sure I’m happy and feel loved, it will ease his suspicions. If you add in that you really want to start a family with me someday but you want to make sure I’m in a place where I feel like I’m ready and you’re letting me take the lead on the decision, he will start calling you ‘son’. After he accepts you into the family, he will cry. Brace for it now.”

Jason took his eyes from the road to look at her quizzically before shaking his head with a chuckle. “You’re not allowed to hang out with Tim anymore.”

Marinette rolled her eyes, “yeah, I’ll be sure to tell him that when we’re hanging out next week. It might delay it by a whole hour… because he’ll be laughing so hard.”

Jason shook his head and looked at her in fake severity, “I’m serious. It’s too dangerous to allow you two to hang out together. Your combined forces could take over the world.”

She smiled back at him, preening at his faith in her abilities. “Yeah, but a nice takeover, a benevolent tyranny, if you will.” Jason barked out a laugh and grinned at her.

“I can see it now. By royal proclamation, everyone must have a hamster, nobody is allowed to wear checks and stripes at the same time, peanut butter and jelly is strictly forbidden, and nobody wakes up before noon.”

She hummed in response, “Now that is a monarchy I can get behind. But my plans for world domination are going to have to wait. We’re here,” she said pointing to the corner store just ahead of them.

Marinette used her key to open the exterior door and led Jason up the back stairs to her parent’s apartment.

“Okay, how do I look?” she asked nervously, her anxiety ramped up again now that they were outside her parents’ door.

“Like you’re trying to make it hard for me to focus on anything other than getting you back to the hotel,” he answered with a sultry look.

“Good, it wasn’t too subtle,” she gave him a wicked look. “Remember, you aren’t allowed to grab me while we’re in there.”

He growled at her and grabbed her tightly, “We’re not in there yet.” He gave her a deep kiss, pulling her flush against him.

She pulled away breathlessly and nodded at him with a resolute look on her face, “Okay, let’s do this.” She turned to knock on the door.

The door had barely opened before a huge man had reached out on the landing and grabbed Marinette in a bear hug. The man was so large, Jason couldn’t even see Marinette anymore. “Sweetheart! It is so great to see you. Oh! Who is this dear?”

“Papa, remember I said I was bringing someone for you to meet? This is Jason. Jason, these are my parents, Tom Dupain and Sabine Cheng,” she said indicating her father who was still holding her close and her mother who Jason couldn’t see behind Tom.

“Welcome to our home, Jason,” Tom said with a wide, welcoming smile.

“You might need to move so they can get in dear,” Sabine commented with a kind smile.

“Of course, of course. Sorry. Please come in,” he moved to the side and made a sweeping motion welcoming them into the apartment.”

“Thank you, sir. It is very nice to meet both of you. Marinette speaks of you often.” Jason shook Tom’s had with a big smile. As he went to shake Sabine’s hand he noticed her flick her eyes up to his eyes from wherever she had been looking, a glare settling in her eyes.

“Yes, welcome, Jason. Funny, Marinette hasn’t mentioned you at all.” She said coolly.

Jason chuckled awkwardly, “Huh… how about that… uh…” He floundered for what to say next, but Sabine’s glare never wavered. Her eyes bore into him like they could see every secret he had, even the ones he tried to hide from himself. Every self-doubt, every insecurity, every failing that haunted him was exposed. Everything Marinette had been helping him to recover from was suddenly laid out for Sabine to examine and judge. Jason stood paralyzed under her stare until Marinette grabbed him what seemed like hours later and pulled him away from her mother.

“Come on, Jason. I’m dying to show you the view from my balcony. I’ve missed it so much since I’ve been away. You don’t mind, right Maman?” Marinette was pulling him up a set of stairs before her mother could give her “Of course not dear,” response.

Jason didn’t even take in what her childhood bedroom looked like before whipping around as soon as the door closed, “Okay you were right. Take off the ring, we’ll do it later.” He prompted her hurriedly motioning toward her hand.

“Oh, it’s already too late. She’s seen the ring. We’re committed to it now,” Marinette said direly.

“What? Why would you wear the ring?” he asked exasperated.

She gave him a deadpan look, waiting for him to come to his own conclusion.

“Why would you listen to me? You know better. And that glare! I feel like I’ve never done anything right in my entire life. How long was she glaring at me?”

“I think it was about 5 seconds before I could get to you,” she smiled sympathetically and cupped her hands around his face to stroke his cheeks. “She does that. It’ll be okay. I mean, I’m not going to lie it’s going to be really terrible for a little bit but then it’ll be like Miraculous Ladybug sweeping all the pain away. Also, it wasn’t my ring she saw.” She gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. “I love you, Jason Todd. They will too. They are scared for me right now because they don’t know you. But when they get to know you, they are going to be your biggest supporters, a second, and actually functioning, family for you.”

He let out a stressed sigh and pressed his forehead to hers. “I just don’t want to screw this up. And your mom is intimidating as hell.”

“You can’t screw this up. It isn’t possible. And yes, I know.” They heard Marinette’s mom calling to them that lunch was ready. “Relax. You’ve taken down crime lords, you can handle my parents.

“Something tells me I’m not allowed to just shoot them though.” He muttered under his breath. Marinette gave him an unamused look as she made her way toward the door. “What? I said ‘not allowed’.”

“Lunch smells amazing Maman and Papa. I’ve missed your cooking so much! I’m going to have to rub this in Adrien’s face tonight. He says hi, by the way. He was planning on stopping over tomorrow if that is okay.”

“That’s nice, dear. He knows he’s always welcome. All of your friends are,” she said pointedly, looking sharply over to Jason.

“Thank you so much for letting me tag along with Marinette. I am really glad to finally meet you after everything I’ve heard about you from her.” Jason tried to lighten the heavy mood with pleasantries, but Marinette’s mom was not following the lighter tone. She seemed to have perfected the art of a biting remark with a smile. She would do wonderfully at one of their Galas.

“Of course, sweetie. So, how did you two meet?”

“We meet at a coffee shop. We started talking and… here we are,” he faltered. They hadn’t actually discussed how they were going to tell her parents and he figured she would want to be the one to say it.

“Well, we are really glad to meet you. You must be really important to Marinette if she brought you home.” Tom offered only scowling slightly.

“He is Papa. He is really important to me,” she paused to take a deep breath and look to Jason who gave her an encouraging nod before reaching for her hand to entwine their fingers. “He is so important to me that we decided to get married a few weeks ago. We’re married. He’s my husband,” she said quietly holding up her left hand to show her ring.

Tom sucked in a breath but Sabine’s eyes went steely. “I see,” she said in a deceptively calm voice.

“Sweetheart, are you… are you sure that was the wisest decision?” Tom hedged tentatively.

“I am, Papa. We know it was sudden and impulsive, but we know what we’re doing. It might not look like it, but we do. We love each other, but we know that isn’t enough,” she looked over to look into Jason’s loving eyes. “We know we are going to have to work at it and we are ready to do that.”

Marinette’s father opened his mouth but before he could say anything Jason continued where Marinette left off, “We know it is going to be hard at times and we’re not fully prepared for whatever is coming, but we are ready to fight for it, together. We want a future together. We want a family together, at some point, when Marinette is ready, little kids with Marinette’s eyes and creativity and my hair and determination, or my eyes and her smile,” his eyes softened as he spoke about their future children. Marinette grinned at the future children he pictured. They had never spoken about kids and it was warming her hear to hear his vision.

“I know you’re worried about me and this was a huge surprise to spring on you out of nowhere and for that I am truly sorry, but… but you need to trust me that this is what is best for me.” Marinette added timidly.

Her parents looked at one another in silent conversation for a while before turning back to Marinette and Jason. Sabine reached across the table for Marinette’s hand, “Okay dear. If this makes you happy, then we are happy for you.” She was smiling at the two of them but the smile was cautious, uncertain.

“Welcome to the family, son,” Marinette’s papa said standing with a strained smile to give Jason another bone crushing hug. “We’re so glad to see our little girl happy again and if you were the one to do it, then we are beyond happy to have you in our lives.”

The lunch continued as Marinette’s parents asked questions about Jason and his history. After lunch they kept talking about Gotham and Marinette’s career and Jason’s family. A few hours later, Marinette and Jason were finally able to take a few moments for themselves to recover from the stress of the earlier reveal. They were enjoying the view from her balcony, Marinette was reveling in the feeling of Jason’s arms wrapped comfortingly around her and the steady rise and fall of his chest against her back as he breathed. “I don’t think I’d mind just staying here like this for the rest of the night,” she said quietly as she melted into his embrace.

Jason leaned down to kiss her temple. “It’s just your friends though, right? That one should be easier, shouldn’t it? Less stressful? Then we can go back to the hotel and just lay down wrapped up in each other’s arms for a while.”

Marinette winced slightly, “God that sounds amazing. Yeah, tonight should be less stressful but… you brought your Kevlar vest right? You might need it, Kim is going to be there.”

Jason chuckled lightly, “Sounds like my kind of people. I should fit right in.”

Marinette hummed at him “I think you…” before she could finish her sentence Sabine made her presence known. “Marinette, sweetie, your father wanted you to pick what you wanted to take over to Luka’s house.”

“Okay, Maman.” She looked over to Jason with a raised brow asking him if he was okay or if he wanted her to get him out as Sabine made her way onto the balcony. Jason smiled at her and nodded toward the door, reassuring her he would be fine. His wife’s mother wanted to have a talk with him and she deserved to have her say.

“I’ll be right back,” she said, looking at Jason to reassure him that she wouldn’t be gone long and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Once she left, Jason looked to Sabine waiting for her to start the conversation. When she continued to silently watch the sun makes its way toward setting Jason started getting uncomfortable. Finally after a few minutes, Jason decided to break the awkward silence. “You have a beautiful view, Mrs. Cheng. A beautiful home as well.”

“Sabine, please. You’re a part of our family now after all,” she said kindly but with an edge to her voice.

“Sabine, thank you. And thank you for being so calm about this… about us. Marinette has been panicking about telling you since we got married. She is really terrified about disappointing you. I know this must have been a shock and hard to accept for you.”

“It is. You have to understand, it’s nothing personal, but she will always be our baby and we just want what’s best for her. This is an unknown, you are an unknown so we aren’t sure how to react yet.”

“I do understand. I don’t take it personally. And I fully understand wanting to protect Marinette. I’m not going to try to force you to like me. I’m just happy Marinette is happy and doesn’t feel like she disappointed you.”

Sabine watched him for a few moments. “I can see the way you two look at each other and I can see how much you two love each other. But I can see something else.” He raised his brow at her. “I can see the way you need each other. I want to make sure you aren’t just using each other.”

Jason sucked in a breath and glanced away. That was not the observation he had been expecting. He didn’t think either of them was that obvious about how they interacted. He looked back to her, impressed with her insight. “You’re very observant. We are using each other… but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We both offer something the other needs. But neither of us is willing to take more than the other can give,” he reassured her. “And we really do love each other. We want the other to be better, to be happy. We rely on each other and we need each other but, isn’t that the way marriage is supposed to be? I mean, I don’t have very many models of a good marriage… or any, honestly, but that’s the way Marinette describes it. And that is what I want, a happy, healthy marriage. But more than that, I want her to be happy. I’m not going to do anything that will cause her more pain.”

Sabine’s eyes softened as she gazed at him. “I think she was right… about marriage and about you,” she reached up to pat him on his cheek. “I’m glad you found somebody who helps make you feel complete. I’m glad you both did. Do you mind if I give you a hug?”

Jason shook his head, too dazed to use words. “Here, let me just…” He knelt down so he was closer to her height, “There. That’s better.”

“Ah, I see it now.” She smiled as she hugged him with a gentle but firm hug, making him feel like he was welcome and accepted.

“What’s that?” he pulled back curiously.

“Why my daughter fell in love with you. She always did appreciate a smartass.” Jason barked out another laugh and hugged her again.

Marinette popped her head through the trapdoor. “Well that seemed to have gone well.”

“It did, sweetie. Now, you guys better hurry or you’re going to be late for your party. But I want you guys here for brunch tomorrow with the wedding pictures.” Sabine said with a smile, leaving the two to prepare for their next confrontation. “Oh, and dear?” she called back before disappearing through the trap door.

“Yes, Maman?”

“This family you guys want to start, I’m won’t be finding out about it after the child is born, right?” she asked with a calculating smile.

“No, Maman.”

“Jason?” she prompted him.

“No, Ma’am… uh, Sabine.”

“Good. Just making sure dear. Now, have fun tonight kids.” She said with saccharine sweetness.

<><><><><>

The party seemed to already be in full swing as Jason and Marinette approached Luka’s new houseboat. They could hear the music and laughter from a block away. “Just a quiet, little, friendly get together, huh?” he asked with a raised brow.

“Yep. Just like your quiet, little, friendly family dinners. It should be a familiar environment. You okay with it?”

“No, I mean, no, it isn’t a problem. I’m definitely not complaining. I like this better. More witnesses if someone does something.”

“That’s cute. You think we don’t cover for each other,” she gave him a wicked smile, dragging her finger along his jaw before walking ahead of him, swinging her hips for him.

“Oh, you’re in for it,” he laughed, running up behind her, picking her up, and throwing her over his shoulder without slowing down.

“Hey,” she squawked at him, laughing uncontrollably. “Let me down, you big goof.”

“Huh. Did you hear something?” he said confused spinning around and getting smacked by the bag of pastries she was carrying. “I could have sworn I heard something. Nope nothing there.”

“Jason!” Marinette called slapping his firm ass.

“Oh! There. I heard it again,” he grinned suddenly switching the direction he was spinning getting smacked by the bag on the other side.

“You are such an asshole. You’re going to ruin the pastries,” she laughed even harder.

“Ah, it must be my loving wife,” he said setting her down in front of him with a loving smile. “I would recognize that description of me anywhere.”

She huffed in mock annoyance at him, “Why do I put up with you?”

“Hmmm,” he hummed moving his face closer to hers and letting his hands roam up and down her sides, pleased with the contented sighs she let out. “My charm, my amazing personality, my devilishly good looks, I believe. Plus, I’m the only one who could survive the coming onslaught that is your friends.”

She smiled comfortingly at him, “Don’t worry, my friends are going to love you. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’re going to threaten you, but after that, they’re going to love you.”

He rolled his eyes, “Why is it everyone you know is coming up and threatening me if I ever hurt you but everyone I know is… also coming up and threatening me if I ever hurt you?”

“Because they think I can’t defend myself,” she shrugged.

“Have you ever thought about telling them who you are? So they know you can defend yourself? I mean, not everyone but a few people you trust.”

“No, I don’t think it’s that.” She looked down to consider how to word her thoughts. “It’s… it’s how we deal with things. You lash out. I take it out on myself. Everything I do only affects myself. I withdraw from people and things, I lose my appetite, I get more tired, I lose my passion for things. Those things don’t affect anyone else, at least not directly. But you lash out. You yell, you hit, you get drunk and say cruel things, you try to hurt them as much as you’re hurting. It… the way we deal with things, makes me look weak and you look dangerous.”

He looked at her with sad eyes. She was right and he felt comforted knowing she knew him so well, but it also upset him that she was right. That is how he responds to negative things but he never wanted her to experience it firsthand. “I don’t ever want to do that to you. I won’t ever hurt you,” he promised sincerely.

“You will. And I’ll hurt you. We won’t mean to, but we will. But we’re going to talk about it, right? Instead of brooding or detaching? We promised... and we’re fucking adults and that’s what adults do.” He chuckled but nodded, hugging her closely as if protecting her from their future fights. He pulled away just far enough to press his forehead to hers. “I love you, wife.”

“I love you, husband,” she looked up at him adoringly, wrapping her hands around the back of his neck.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST HEAR?” they heard screamed from behind Jason.

Marinette and Jason froze, “Shit,” Marinette whispered out, peeking around Jason to see Alix standing close enough to have heard at least the last part of their conversation.

“You got married?” she exclaimed only slightly less loud this time.

“Uh, yeah. This is Jason… my husband.” Marinette awkwardly indicated Jason.

“When did you get married?” Alix asked hugging Marinette and eyeing Jason suspiciously.

“A few weeks ago.”

“Does Alya know?” Marinette’s pained expression was enough of an answer for Alix. “Shit. Well it was nice I got to see you again before your funeral. Good luck. Hand over the pastries. I don’t want them destroyed in the mauling. I get to be there when you tell her, right?”

“I’m telling her as soon as I get there,” Marinette nodded as she handed over the bag she was holding.

“Sweet. I’m sticking by you. This party is going to be more interesting than I thought it was going to be. Does Sunshine know?”

“Yeah. He was there… Don’t tell Alya that part,” Marinette added quickly.

“Oh God no. Two murders is enough for tonight. Well, let’s get to it. I’d like to dig into these pastries and get some drinking done tonight.”

“Thank you, Alix. It’s good to see you. What have you been up to?” They chatted amicably as they walked toward the boat. Marinette’s hand held tightly to Jason’s as she walked. She looked over her shoulder, giving him a tight lipped smile, betraying her nerves. A few friends called to her from the boat as she got close. She waved and called back to them with a genuine smile. As soon as she stepped foot on the deck there was a rush of people each trying to give her hugs and find out about her life in Gotham.

“Back off everyone. She needs to breathe,” Alix yelled at the crowd, causing them to back up a bit.

“Thanks,” Marinette whispered to her, smiling consolingly at her friends.

“And she needs to make an announcement,” Alix decreed with an evil smile.

“Bitch!” Marinette hissed at her.

“You reap what you sow. Shouldn’t have snuck off.” Alix smirked at her.

“I was supposed to tell Alya first,” she hissed through her teeth.

“Ohhh, yeah. Good point. My bad. Oh well, too late now,” Alix shrugged and stepped back so Marinette could take center stage.

Jason stepped up behind her and wrapped his hand around her waist to let her know he was there for her. She took a deep breath and gave a fake smile to her friends. “Everyone, I’d like to introduce you to Jason Todd… my husband.”

Everyone stared at them slack jawed for a few moments. The boat was so quiet they could hear the water slapping against the bow. Finally the quiet was broken by Adrien squeezing through and hugging Marinette and shaking Jason’s hand, “Good to see you guys! How are your parents? Jason, I’m so glad you made it. Max over there was just saying Shakespeare was overrated. We need your expertise, man. Well, no what I actually need is someone who knows what the fuck their talking about to destroy him.��

Marinette smiled gratefully at Adrien who just winked in response. “Go savage, man. Let the heathen have it,” Adrien encouraged, slinging his arm over Jason’s shoulders and gesturing to a man in glasses in front of them. Jason looked back to Marinette for confirmation. She nodded to him with a wry smile and leaned over to Alya who had finally made her way over to Marinette, “Watch this.” She grinned proudly as Jason proceeded to give a solid 5 minute literary critique of Shakespeare’s works, the prevalence of the themes he wrote about, and the effect he had not only on his time but on future writers.

“He’s passionate about Shakespeare.” Alya observed.

“Yeah. Our place is filled with classic literature. You should see him talk about Jane Austin,” Marinette looked down to her hands for a moment before softly saying, “I’m sorry, Alya. I wanted to tell you first, in person. It was very sudden.”

Alya nodded. “Does he make you happy?”

“Yes, very,” she nodded vigorously. “He makes me feel… again.” She looked over at Alya uncertainly.

Alya nodded again and looked away as Jason returned with a grin. “How did that feel?” Marinette asked with a knowing smile.

“That was awesome. I never get to geek out like that.” He said hugging her. “You must be Alya,” he held out his hand. “Marinette talks about you constantly. I feel like I know so much about you already.”

“So how did you meet? When did you know you needed to get married?” Alya nodded her head in acknowledgement as Kagami joined them.

“We met when she kicked someone’s ass and I knew I needed to marry her when she handed Batman’s ass to him in a verbal smack down for the ages after he interrupted our date.” He grinned proudly down at Marinette.

“Marinette!” Kagami chastised her as Alya smacked her in the chest.

“It was the second time our date had been interrupted! I was pissed. And he tried to pull that glare on me like I did something wrong.” Marinette defended herself.

“Ooh, that was a mistake.” Alya shook her head with a laugh.

“I know, right?”

“Marinette, can I speak with you a bit more privately? I have some concerns I’d like to address with you.” Kagami spoke sharply looking only at Marinette.

Marinette looked between Jason and Alya and for the second time they had a silent conversation about if he was okay with being left alone. He nodded to her and motioned for her to follow her friend.

As soon as they were out of earshot Alya started her shovel talk, staring directly in his eyes. “You understand that you are an exceptionally lucky man and you will never meet anyone as amazing as her again, right?”

“I do.” He nodded sincerely.

“And if you ever hurt her, there will be no place to hide.”

“I understand.”

Alya nodded at him but her eyes didn’t soften. “Okay. My girl has been miserable for a really long time. None of us know what caused it except Adrien, but we have our suspicions. She hasn’t allowed herself to feel anything, good or bad in years. But she finally looks happy. With you in her life, she finally seems back to her old self so…”

“So?”

Alya squinted at him and pursed her lips, “So, I will allow it. I will allow you to stay married to her. But if that changes, if she becomes suddenly unhappy, they will never find the body, understood?”

“Understood,” he nodded at her. “And just so you know, I think there’s a line now. I think you’re after Sabine, Adrien, and Fang, not to mention several members of my family.”

“Oh no, we work together. I do the tool supplying, Kagami does the killing, Sabine does the cutting up, Adrien does the feeding, Fang does the eating, Kim does the alibiing, and Max does the cover up. If your family wants to get involved, we can assign jobs.”

Jason looked at her curiously, “Should I be concerned that you seem to have thought this through?”

“Not if you treat her right.” Alya gave him a pointed look.

“Which one is Kagami? I don’t think I’ve seen her yet.” He scanned the crowd.

“That’s her skill. You won’t see her coming,” she sent him a devilish smile before pointing to a woman leaning against the balcony railing having a serious conversation with Marinette, “Kagami was the one that was over here earlier, the one that currently is interrogating Marinette. You’re lucky I’m the one doing this and not her. She still might actually, but she should know I’ve already done it. I’m higher in the hierarchy.”

“There’s a hierarchy?” he looked at her with a raised brow.

“You think you’re the first one to get this talk? We protect our friends and we all know who gets to give the talk to who’s significant other and who is second up in case that person is unavailable. In most of these scenarios, Marinette is the one doing the digging. We don’t usually have the option of Fang. You didn’t wet your pants so you’re doing better than most of the significant others.”

“Thanks. Have you ever had to enact it?”

“Not that anyone has been able to prove.” She shot him a finger gun and a wink.

“Hey, new guy! You look like you’re in shape. You’re getting in on this, come on.” A large man with frosted tips tugged him to one of the ship’s two masts. Jason looked back at Alya who just gave him a thumbs up. “It’s a race to the top. Whoever sits on their mast first gets a prize.” The man announced excitedly.

“What’s the prize?”

“If you win, we let you stay married to my little sister.”

“I’m not your sister,” Marinette yelled from her spot at the railing.

“She says such hurtful things,” Kim mock whispered to Jason, his hand held sadly against his chest. “If I win, you buy the alcohol at the next party.” Jason nodded at him and looked over to Marinette with a wink.

“Winning this one for you, Pixie.” He gave her a dashing grin and a wink.

“Show ‘em what you got, Red. Mulan that bitch.” Marinette yelled back.

Marinette looked over as Adrien threw his arm around her shoulder, eyeing him suspiciously, “Hey, awfully convenient you guys were talking about Shakespeare when we got here.”

“Awfully wasn’t it. Couldn’t get Max talking about anything else.” Adrien shrugged with a false nonchalance.

“Right, classic lit. Max’s favorite subject,” she rolled her eyes. “Thank you.”

He gave her a tight side hug. “Don’t know what you’re talking about, Bug.” He shifted his focus to the center of the boat as Jason and Kim’s race started. He soon doubled over laughing as Kim slipped and fell from about half way up the mast all the way back to the deck, landing on his ass with a thump, followed almost immediately by Jason losing his footing and smacking his face against the mast but managing to keep his lead. “You married that. That’s yours now. You own that.”

“Yeah, but have you seen him without his shirt on?” he shook his head. She looked back with adoring eyes and a wicked smile at her amazing husband, engaging in dumbass challenges with her friends, “Worth it.”

Covert Pregnancy

#maribat #jasonette #Covert Jasonette

180 notes · View notes