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orchid3a · 2 years ago

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YOU DIDN'T TEACH ME HOW TO FORGET YOU. ( childe x reader, part two )

╰┈➤ you never thought your lover was hiding something so cruel from you.

pairings — childe / tartaglia x fem!reader.

warnings — reader is a ragnvindr (not specified whether adopted or not, so it's up to you), reader have an anemo vision, reader and childe are 20, kaeya is older than diluc (personal headcanon of mine lmao), lumine is the traveler, HEAVY ANGST with some small amounts of fluff, yandereish behavior, possessiveness, a battle, injuries and scar mentions, violence, suggestiveness and smut descriptions.

word count — 8.5k

notes — phew, this was a long ride!!! don't worry, there will be a part three coming soon to your dash and more genshin fics from me too !!!!

find part one here.

if anybody told you what would transpire when you agreed to go to liyue with the traveler and paimon, you would’ve laughed on their faces without a second thought.

seeing ajax again had always been a fever dream — sometimes you thought he was a fever dream, but the lost pair of your mother’s earring was the reminder that he existed in your past. in your memories, once, but now he was here, and you were with him. you could feel his warmth beneath your palms, feel his breath in your neck whenever his arms held you while you prepared breakfast, you could look at his eyes and memorize every shade of blue present on his orbs to never forget again. you could hear his voice whispering soothing words in your ear every night before sleep, hear his melodic and boyish laugh and be infected by it, following in with your own happy sounds.

but, just like his vision, he was just water reflecting your own face — it didn’t matter how much you tried to reach, you never could reach him. the ajax you met when you were only eight, the little boy who helped you find your family. you understand that boy had already been killed by life just like the little girl you were once was when crepus ragnvindr died in your brother’s arms, but you still saw that boy when ajax was ajax.

it was fitting for someone with two names to be two different persons.

childe and ajax were two different persons, even though they were the same. childe was charming and arrogant, reckless and confident in his abilities. you liked that version of him, with his confident smile and smooth words — it made him look like the knight in shining armor of the stories your mother used to read for you, and childe always managed to make you flustered and sigh like a young girl in love. but you preferred ajax, the side of him that only came out when you two were in the confines of his house, skin to skin, breathless whispers of declarations of love and desperate kisses. he was there when your head was on his chest, listening to his heartbeat while his hands were drawing circles on your skin, lips open to tell you about what happened in the years you two were away from each other.

you learned how childe was born in a night like that, when ajax told you what happened when he was fourteen.

your heart hurt and bled for him, hearing him tell how he fell into the abyss and was rescued and trained by a swordswoman named skirk, while his hands played with your hair while the moonlight hit the both of you — he didn’t tell you much about what happened in the three months he spent there, but you could imagine how tourtours it was for a fourteen-year-old child. it was the same age when your brother rose to be a captain in the knights of favonius, and you remembered how much he changed after that. it wasn’t the best comparison, but it was what you could relate to. he also told you how his father wanted him to join the fatui, as a way to tame his actions, but ajax wanted to conquer the world by himself, without the help of any organization.

but the fatui recruited him, nonetheless, making him work at their bank as some kind of mercenary, always ready to attack those with unpaid debts. he didn’t mind, he told you, as he loved the thrill of battles and that was an excuse to train to become stronger and stronger and achieved his dream of conquering the world and be an adventurer — but you could feel that something was wrong, but you couldn’t pinpoint what, and didn’t want to bring more sad memories of his to surface. ajax was glad you weren’t looking at his eyes, because he knew you would be able to see the guilty reflection of them, see the outline of the lies leaving his lips. but he needed you at his side, even though for a short amount of time. he was ready for the day when his lies would be discovered, his heart already healed of the heartbreaking he would go through when you started hating him.

it was what he deserved.

that night, too, he heard about how you gained your vision.

it hurt to see how open and sincere you were with him while he built lies above little truths, but his heart felt even more heavy knowing how much his peers affected your life. you told him how you left your home, worried about the lateness of your father and brother, only to find your father nowhere to be seen, while both of your brothers were fighting, ice against fire and your heart shattering for your family. you tried to scream and stop the fight, but nothing seemed to work — only when the wind in all mondstadt stopped and it seemed to be commanded by you. you only wanted to make them stop, but your wind was also what broke them apart and took kaeya away from home, and what took diluc on his mission to uncover his and yours father’s death.

it was a delusion what killed him, you told ajax, even though he knew everything about crepus ragnvindr’s death — he didn’t mean to pry in dottore’s papers, but what he could do when he saw your father’s name there? he still couldn’t understand why killing him was important, but his heart broke when he read number two’s reports. your name was there, signaling your relationship with the target and your new vision and, when your brother’s name became a discussed matter between his harbingers colleagues, he tried to stay away from it as much as he could.

you finished your story with your arms tightening around him, afraid that he could disappear just like your father once did — and he brought your face closer to his, kissing the tears away and whispering sweet words of comfort. it was all that he could do, already knowing that someday you would need such a comfort again but because of his actions. but he didn’t want you between another man’s arms. you were his and would always be, even if it was just an illusion, even if it was just the ghost of a memory like you always had been.

what would he do when you finally discovered the truth?

—

you almost did, once, and he was sure you knew by the second time.

the first time was when you and zhongli met.

childe wasn’t happy to take you to meet another man. not that he didn’t believe in your love for him, but he knew how beautiful and charming you were — and zhongli was handsome and charming too, and maybe he was insecure and afraid that, for some perverse reasons, you would see that the older man was a better match for you. he was so lost in his own thoughts and scenarios, that he never thought about warning zhongli to not say a word about his involvement with the fatui. however, they still need to meet, and ajax couldn’t leave you alone at his house.

he didn’t know when you were going to leave him, and he needed to make his time with you as best as possible.

but he couldn’t help and feel a sense of pride when strolling with you through liyue harbor’s streets, all the eyes, from the elderly to the youth, eyeing you two. of course, you made a beautiful couple — both you and ajax were young and strong, and in love. everyone could see the feeling intertwined with every single one of your actions. from the side eyes, to the touches and to the words, love surrounded you and childe like a shield.

however, he wasn’t sure if he liked the look on zhongli’s face.

he couldn’t decipher it and, while you introduced yourself to his acquaintance, he tried to not dwell much on it. “y/n ragnvindr, it’s a pleasure to meet you, mr. zhongli. childe speaks highly of you.” sometimes zhongli appeared in the anecdotes he told while your head was resting on his chest and his hands playing with your hair, just like the night you both shared your biggest secrets. he tried not to get into details that could speed up the inevitable end of your relationship, but the giggles and curious sounds that escaped your lips whenever he told you about his day always made him tell more than he was intended to.

“ragnvindr?” the curious tone on zhongli’s voice made your eyebrows raise and your head to tilt slightly to the side, which made childe’s chest to rumble with a chuckle. “you are, perhaps, the heiress of the dawn winery?”

you giggled, and ajax needed to fight the ugly green monster of jealousy. though, your giggles for him were more sweet and genuine, sounds that could rival columbina’s singing. “i’m, indeed! my older brother, diluc, is the current head of your family and i’m his heir.” you answered, exciting shining in your eyes. even though he was jealous, childe loved seeing you like that, too — talking and interacting with others. “have you ever drank dandelion wine, mr. zhongli?” it was a question you always asked when meeting new people, ajax came to learn. it was cute and endearing, how you cared that much for your family’s legacy.

he, on the other hand, couldn’t ask people if they ever had fished on ice.

“of course. i have some acquaintances back in mondstadt, lady ragnvindr.”

the chat progressed to your hometown, a place where young ajax always dreamed to conquer first, just to see you again. though, as much as zhongli was entertaining you, business were always business, and his attention slowly changed to childe — he tried to explain as much a he could the transactions without giving this true identity away, but zhongli almost spilled about his position as the eleventh harbinger.

“i hope your harbingers colleagues will find this business as formidable as i did, childe.”

he bid farewell to you two, and childe noticed that you were a bit more distant in the way back home, his eyes widening for a fraction of seconds when realization hit him of how you interpreted zhongli’s words.

“y/n, my beloved.” he made you both stop under the moonlight, placing your hand over his heart. “why aren’t you smiling at me? are you having doubts about my words because of what zhongli said?” you should. you really should have, because ajax was nothing but a liar. he watched as you averted your eyes to his chest, your cheeks rosy and lips forming a pout.

“no… i just… i would never forgive you if you lied to me, ajax.”

too bad, wasn’t it? your words resonated inside him while he kissed you and held you against his chest, soothing and reassuring words leaving his lips as if his heart wasn’t being eaten inside out by guilt.

—

the second time was even more dangerous.

it was on a warm night, when lumine and paimon were already back from their journey to search for the adepti to prove their innocence, now helping zhongli to the rite of parting. you tried to be of help, too, but both lumine and zhongli said they were fine without help, so your hopes of having a daily adventure were crushed by gentle hands. you resorted to your normal life in liyue, helping citizens and exploring nearby areas — sometimes, now, with paimon and the traveler as your companions — and then waited for ajax at home, wondering what he had planned for you two.

however, he was late. later than he ever was, the stars already in the sky and your heart hurting from worrying about him.

whenever he knew he was going to be late, he always sent a messenger to meet you, normally one of the kids playing near the sea, to inform you of what was happening in his job and what were his plans. but no child approached you during the day, and you now found yourself at the familiarity of his house, a place that you grew to be comfortable with, that now had the same sense of home the hard walls of dawn winery had. you were restless, of course, and when the moon started to shine on the bed you shared with your lover, you knew you had to do something.

your feet led you to the northland bank, yet your heart beat with both fear and excitement with the thought of entering a fatui lair.

it was a place you knew that you were never supposed to go in, but you remembered it. your father always climbed up the red stairs that led to the bank, even though, at the time, neither you nor your brothers knew what it was. your father only told you three he had business with the men inside the place, and never in your wildest dreams you would think it was a fatui bank — and you couldn’t understand why your father needed them. the winery and the tavern were enough to make your family rich, as you knew from helping diluc with some paperwork.

maybe it was power he wanted. you couldn’t blame your father for it, as a man without a vision in teyvat needed other ways to assert dominance over his peers, and maybe the fatui were the ones who could give him what he wanted. but the same power he wanted was the power that took his life, according to diluc’s and kaeya’s testimony. a device that pretended to be a vision was what your father used to kill a deadly monster to save your brother, even though diluc was one of the most skillful swordsmen you ever knew.

fathers would always be fathers, it seemed.

just like snezhnaya, the northland bank was cold, and you could feel it from the outside, even though liyue was hotter than mondstadt, a fact that you enjoyed pretty much. however, the goosebumps weren’t because of the chilly air — you were nervous. it was dead in the night and nobody was in the street, probably inside their homes enjoying a warm meal with their family. the fatui guard eyed you from head to toe and, even though your heart was imitating a drum’s beat from how quickly it beat, all the etiquette’s lessons you had in your childhood were playing their part. you knew how to hold your head high, high enough that no question was asked before the guard opened the door, just a nod that made your earring tingle in your ear.

maybe he recognized it. only one person in teyvat had the other pair.

you stood in the middle of the room, eyes scanning the architecture of it. you weren’t well versed in snezhnayan culture — maybe for the lack of it in the books of your home, due to the closeness of the region, or because your father was too afraid his children to know his obscure business — but the inside of the northland bank was mesmerizing. though you couldn’t appreciate much of it before someone was clearing their throat in front of you, a smile too sweet adorned a woman’s face. she wore a fatui uniform, her eyes hidden due to her mask, and you assumed her to be the bank’s receptionist.

“may i help you, ma’am?” you smiled back, all the years of etiquette lessons making you polite even to your enemies.

“yes, of course.” you answered in a neutral voice, your eyes fixed on her form — too fixed on her to notice another figure approaching you two. “i’m looking for childe. we live together, you see, and he hasn’t returned yet.” you didn’t try to say the word worried, but you were sure the receptionist understood your motives. the smile on her face became even sweeter, which made your gut to shrink.

“oh, master childe just returned from a mi—”

“is this tartaglia’s little pet?” if you found the receptionist's sweet smile to be unpleasant, just that feminine voice brought despair to your bones. the woman before you seemed to freeze to, and you turned your head siglithy to the side, being met by a vision of a fatui woman — and, by the way she walked and talked, and judging by the receptionist reaction, she was probably a harbinger, or someone with a high rank. you tried to smile at her, maintaining the façade of lady ragnvindr for a little while.

“i wouldn’t say pet, ma’am.” you tried to reason, turning your body towards her. “lover should be more appropriate for what we are.”

her eyes were as icy as her voice, and, if you were not mistaken, she had the same characteristics as the woman who attacked lumine and venti a while ago back in mondstadt — she was, indeed, a fatui. probably la signora, if you weren’t mistaken. however, you were there to retrieve childe to yours and his home, even though the name she called him brought more questions to your heart than it should have.

“a pet from mondstadt, on top of that.” you had to slightly lift your neck to be able to meet her eyes due to her new proximity, noticing that the receptionist was nowhere to be seen now, hopefully going to notice childe of your arrival. the smirk on her face was a bit frightening, blood-curdling even, but she was just a woman — like yourself. she could be more powerful than you were, of course, but you still had some chances with your vision and sword training from your youth. “tell me, how is that bard faring?” at the mention of venti, you gritted your teeth, hand ready to summon your polearm, wind tickling in your fingers, the power that celestia granted you burning through your veins. you didn’t understand what were the motives of the fatui to attack him, but he was special and a target for them. “don’t even try it, foolish girl. i wonder what he’ll do if i kill you, hm?”

before you could react, she had your jaw between her cold hands, pointy nails digging holes in the soft flesh of your cheeks, blade pressed to your neck and warm blood coming from a small scratch — only superficial, but a warning. however, as soon as she started to press her blade deep in your flesh, you heard his voice.

“let her go, signora.” ajax was there, bloodied and injured, the receptionist trailing behind him. she gave you a worried look while your lover walked to where you were, his voice imposing and commanding, a tone you never heard coming from his mouth before. it made you wonder if he was only just a civilian working in the bank, but you were fearing more for your life now than for the questions in your heart — though you hoped signora couldn’t see the fear you were feeling reflecting in your eyes, but instead the stupid bravery every ragnvindr possessed in their hearts.

she scoffed. “what are you going to do, childe?” even though she was complaining, she took the blade from your neck, her pure strength making you fall to the ground when she let you go from her hold — maybe it was the position you were always supposed to be in. you weren’t diluc and would never be. what was in your head to think you were able to go against a fatui harbinger?

you put a hand over your chest, feeling it rising and falling with your breaths, tears glossing your vision — you needed to calm yourself, because you were alive. ajax would never let anything happen to you, you knew that, of course you did. but what if he hadn’t arrived in time? you would die without the proper goodbyes to your family, without seeing him once more, just like your father.

too focused in trying to calm your erratic heart, you failed to notice the interaction between the two fatui in front of you.

signora had a hand on tartaglia’s shoulder, her lips a few inches away from his ear, as if she was telling a secret to your lover. but anybody in the room could hear her words. “end the ragnvindr pet, tartaglia. do with her what dottore did with her father, and what pierro should’ve ordered one of us to do with her brother.”

ajax didn’t even wait for her to end her words before he was rushing towards your form, his strong arms and warmth enveloping you, his hand bringing your head to rest on his chest. you were alive, alive and well, and he couldn’t ask for anything more. when he saw rosalyne with her blade on your neck he feared the worst, and he was ready to kill her if she did anything to you. “i’m going to kill her, i’m going to kill her for you, don’t worry. she’ll never touch you again.” he whispered in your hair, his lips pressing kisses and murmuring words of comfort until you stopped shaking between his arms.

you took one of his hands to rest on your chest and he felt tears glossing his vision when he felt your heartbeat between his fingertips, your forehead now resting against his and your warm breath tickling his cheeks. “i’m alright, ajax. i’m alright.”

you both knew it was a lie.

—

you didn’t remember how you arrived at home.

you were doing everything on automatic, allowing him to guide through the harbor’s streets, his big coat over your shoulders to hide your injury, the now cold air of the lowest hours of the night still making your nose and cheeks cold. you couldn’t think of anything else but what happened, of how foolish you were — maybe diluc was right. maybe you weren’t supposed to ever leave dawn winery, the world outside of it too dangerous for you to survive alone. but you weren’t alone and, for the second time, ajax was the one who saved you.

when your consciousness returned to you, you were sitting at your and his bed, ajax towering over you with a wet cloth cleaning your neck. signora hadn’t injured you that badly, just a superficial cut on your skin, the bleeding had already stopped, but it had stained your skin and ajax couldn’t support seeing you like that. you were hurt because of him, because he didn’t remember to fetch some of the kids to send you a small note, or even go himself to where you were to tell you he was going to arrive late. his own injuries were now numb, and he couldn’t care about his wellbeing.

as soon as he was finished, he sat at your side, his hand enveloping your own, his thumb feeling your pulse — an indication that you were alive. “i’m sorry.” you blurted out, voice small as if you were a little child again, asking forgiveness for your father after you had cut diluc’s hair with a pair of scissors after he had screamed at you.

“you’re alive, my beloved, and that’s what matters to me.” he kissed your knuckles, the words tickling your skin as if they were small needles made especially to hurt you. you knew, now, that ajax was part of the fatui and a harbinger, too. but it was an elephant in the room that you didn’t want to talk about, that loomed over the two of you, doomed to end the beautiful relationship you two had.

but not now.

you started to unbutton his shirt, frowning at the winces leaving his lips due to the pain of his own cuts and hematomas. how could you have been so blind? all the scars he wore like a champion, all the training he did, all the prestige he had at the bank — it was obvious that your ajax wasn’t just a civilian who hunted down debtors, and you should’ve known that. but love was blind, and you were sure the love archon especially blinded your eyes to all the signs of his lies and the non liveliness of his blue orbs.

after all, he was one of her most loyal subjects.

you took the damp cloth from where he left it and started to clean his skin, fingers tracing amorously the white lines over his pale skin, feeling the skin tighten with the soft ministrations of your fingertips, kissing the freckles of his shoulders. his back was now facing you, his chest already cleaned of any dry blood, but a new scar adorned his back — big and now as the same color of the wine produced in your family’s winery, another scar to his collection. “i’m going to kill whoever did this to you.” you murmured against the skin of his neck, your hands around his shoulders and face hide on the crook of his neck. his whole body vibrated with a chuckle, a sound that was both mocking you and encouraging you.

how could you kill something that managed to hurt a harbinger when you couldn’t even defeat one?

and you didn’t even know who you would kill. the one who gave him the new scar or the one who made his eyes so lifeless, so different from the ones you remembered from your childhood?

you kissed his neck before getting up to get bandages to his injuries, watching his face. would that be the last time you ever saw him, now that you knew the truth? not everything he was hiding from you, but the most crucial parts. would tartaglia let you live now, or would you meet your end in the hands of the one you loved the most? you were sure you were now an enemy of the fatui, just like your brother was — however, would any connection your father once had with them be able to save you of whatever insult you committed against signora?

the questions in your mind made your hand work slower, but ajax couldn’t care. he knew the time with you was now limited, and he would make sure that you left liyue as soon as you could — he couldn’t bear the idea of you dying by his sword, or any sword, and, if saving you meant becoming an enemy of one of his colleagues, he would gladly accepted what fate had estoraged for him. you finished tending to his wounds and he sighed, his strong arms bring you closer to his chest. you nuzzled at his bare skin like a kitten, and he tightened his hold around you, afraid that you could disappear in the air just with the first sound of his voice.

but he needed to try.

“i love you.” he felt like the same ajax he was before he fell into the abyss, the same ajax his father was afraid was too weak for the world outside the family’s cottage. his voice was small and quiet, so unlike him but, at the same time, so endearing too. he waited for your protests, harsh words and screams — but all he received was kisses and tender words, and he couldn’t believe how unfair he was to you. he should’ve told you the truth as soon as you told him about your father, but the fear of losing you clouded his better judgment and mind. now, he would lose the best part of himself by his own fault.

“i love you, too.” you whispered against his lips, your hands holding his face while his were placed on your waist, both of your bodies so close to each other as if you were just one.

that night, you never felt ajax so desperate.

he had always been feverish for your touch and your body, ever since you gave yourself fully to him. he always enjoyed having his face buried between your thighs or between your breasts, especially when he seemed to have a hard day at work — before, you thought he had to collect the debts from either dangerous or vulnerable people, but know you knew it was the work of a harbinger the culprit of his feelings. or was the guilt consuming him? you didn’t care then and you couldn’t even care now, not when he drew moan after moan from you, when he made you feel so full of his seed that you never wanted to be separated from him ever again.

that night, too, he held you tighter than usual, afraid that you would leave him in the middle of the night. his kiss, something you were so used to before bed, now was suffocating, as if you were under a column of hydro vision, just like his own.

even though you wanted nothing more than to return to your home in the winery, the air inside his house was too suffocating because it smelled like him, you couldn’t. your love for him was what kept you caged between his arms, like the deadliest curse the tsaritsa herself picked especially for you.

—

ajax drowned himself in his work, and you couldn’t blame him.

he was too kind to ask you to go away, you thought. or he loved you too much, or he enjoyed the way you still spoiled him. he always had a package of lunch waiting for him when he left before the sun rose, and he had a plate of dinner waiting for him whenever he arrived when the moon was high in the sky. sometimes, you would wake up to ajax fingers caressing your skin, his arms loose around your form. you would always scoot closer to him, trying to enjoy the warmth you were being denied by the circumstances of your situation on a daily basis.

you wrote to diluc, once, telling him about your journeys and the fact that you would return home sooner than expected. you said nothing about what happened, because it was clear that your brother would know something happened as soon as he looked in your eyes when you returned.

your only solace was your newfound friendship with zhongli, and lumine’s and paimon’s presence during the day.

they all knew something had happened you and childe, denounced by paimon’s question as soon as you appeared in front of them without the familiar glint of happiness your eyes had and the smile adorning your lips — but zhongli, being the gentleman you discovered him to be, changed the subject as soon as your eyes started to shine with tears. he knew, of course he knew. even the traveler and her flying companion knew about childe’s involvement with the fatui, and you wondered how blind you were.

but zhongli always managed to take your mind out of it whenever you started to dwell in your thoughts, always asking about mondstadt — you came to know, in one of your strolls in the harbor with him, that he and a well-known bard in your brother’s tavern were acquaintances, and he managed to coax a laugh out of your lips in the expanse of venti, the sound now strange and bitter in your mouth.

however, not even the bit of normalcy and happiness that zhongli gave you was enough to keep you glued to liyue, and you wished to leave it as soon as possible. lumine and paimon were aware of your decision and, even though they were sad to see you go and the thought of traveling the continent together was crushed, they still understood.

“paimon will make him feel the wrath… the wrath of the paimon, y/n! don’t worry!” it was the last words you heard from her, lumine at her side with a sorrowful expression on her face — though her eyes were understanding. you were sure you would meet them again, or even send letters whenever you could. they were your friends, after all.

but it seemed that fate wanted to play with you, as the day you chose to return home was the day an ancient god was unleashed over the harbor.

you sighed, watching the once clear skies now a dark shade of gray, the faint sound of crashing waves now much closer than normal — childe’s house was closer to the bank, in the more lively part of the city — but that wouldn’t stop you. you needed to leave before ajax arrived and saw your leaving form, a letter being what would explain to him what was in your mind. you knew that, at the first pleading that could leave his mouth, your resolve would break and you would stay.

and you couldn’t.

you looked back once more, watching the door of the house that you called home for almost two months. it was strange, how quickly things could change, and how much something could affect you. the fact that ajax was a fatui, let alone a harbinger, wasn’t even a problem anymore — by the calculations you did in your head, he wasn’t in the organization when your father was killed by them, and, if he was, he didn’t have anything to do with it — but the lie was. you kind understood where he was coming from, but what else he was hiding from you? what else would he hide from you if you decided to forgive him?

you needed some time to think, and that time won’t be fruitful if you were in his presence.

a small smile formed in your lips and you turned around once more, eyes down and itching with tears glossing your vision. the pain in your chest was worse than any other heartbreak you ever experienced in your life — death was always sad, yes, especially unexpected ones, but it was easier to come to terms with such a situation than the one you were going through now. grieving a dead loved one was far easier than mourning one that was well and alive, with their heart beating and chest rising and failing with each breath they took.

ajax would always be a part of you, but now, perhaps, a part of you that would never be yours again.

“y/n? where… where are you going?”

you closed your eyes, fighting the urge to look back at him. if you did, you knew you would run straight to his arms.

“home.” that was what you could muster to answer him. “i left a letter for you explaining my—”

“your home is here.” he cut you, a coldness in his voice that you were sure could rival the snowstorms of his homeland. “your home is here, with me.” it was, once. but now you weren’t so sure if it had been, or if it would be again.

“my brothers need me.” you need them, too. you needed to feel the safety and the comfort the company of kaeya and diluc brought you, the warmth of diluc’s arms holding you safely between them and the easy laughter that kaeya always managed to coax from you since your father welcomed him in the family. you needed to be in a place where you knew who the people walking besides you were, and not to think everyone was an enemy.

“and what about me, y/n?”

nothing could ever prepare you for the hurt that laced his voice, though it felt more like a whip in your bare flesh, wounding it to the point of no return. you took a deep breath, turning your body to look at him — he deserved a proper goodbye. his eyes looked even more lifeless now, the small glint of shine it used to have on it whenever you were around was long gone now. “ajax…” you didn’t know what to say, only wanting to leave liyue harbor as soon as you could.

but, taking another glance at his appearance, you couldn’t help but worry about him. it seemed that he was freshly out of a battle — though you didn’t have a good feeling about who he was fighting — and you suspect he wanted to arrive home and find your waiting arms to soothe him. “don’t go. don’t leave me, please.” he wasn’t one to beg, but he didn’t know what to do to keep you at his side anymore. childe took an hesitant step towards you, heart clenching when he watched you taking another one back.

that wouldn’t end well. the remnants of the foul legacy were still running through his blood, making him angry at you for reacting that way. ajax was protecting you from your own foolishness — as soon as rosalyne knew you were not within his protection anymore, she’d lay her claws over you and take your life. and he couldn’t lose you, he couldn’t. why weren't you seeing that? why you wanted to leave him, like you did all these years ago, running straight to your father’s arms without looking back at him?

was he not enough for you? would he ever be enough for you?

before he could think better, his dual blades were already being summoned, the scared look on your face only fueling his anger. it was an ugly feeling, boiling and burning inside his chest. however, on the outside, all you could see was your beloved ajax with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, his brows furrowed and his blades on his hands.

you weren’t a fool. you had angered him, and even though fighting with him was a foolish decision — he was a harbinger of the tsaritsa, after all — you wouldn’t be able to escape such a fate. dropping your bags to the ground and deep a deep breath, you soon felt the weight of your polearm in your hand, the weapon that diluc gifted you after you received your vision and physical training was required. jean was the one who trained you all those years ago, and you couldn’t be more grateful for her now.

“i love you.” you whispered before indulging in his desires, anemo and hydro vision shining on your bodies.

“i love you, too.”

—

the sound of polearm against sword wasn’t a strange thing for you, but anybody could see how less experienced than your opponent was. childe was used to dueling with his enemies more than you, a girl who was sheltered her whole life by both father and brother, who only received training because of a vision earned when she saw herself faced with more despair than she ever felt. his experience was shown in the way he moved gracefully, how his swords seemed to be at home between his fingers — unlike your polearm, that still felt strange whenever you wield it.

you tried not to think too much, focusing on the teachings jean passed down to you.

keep your head clear, just trust your body and everything will be fine.

however, those words weren’t helping you. you couldn’t help and not feel the gut-wrenching feeling of sadness that had installed in your chest when you noticed he would never let you go alive, your thoughts clouding your best judgment. you couldn’t hurt him, the idea of being the one to give him another scar to his collection making you sick — though, it didn’t seem like ajax shared your thoughts. you already had a cut on your cheek that you knew it would scar, and more wounds all over your body that you were sure none of your brothers ever had received being knights. him, on the other hand, just had a bit of blood coming down from the side of his face, and you didn’t know if it was the consequences of his other battle or caused by you.

you cried when you felt one of his swords cutting your flesh, anemo elemental energy throwing him away from you. “ajax, please, stop.” you tried to plead, hand traveling down to press on your thigh to try to apply pressure to your new wound.

but the adrenaline of the battle was still running on his blood, and his hand was in your neck in no time, pushing your body until it hit the nearest wall, your feet some centimeters away from the ground.

you start to trash around in his touch, hands unsuccessfully trying to get yourself free from his hold. was he really going to choke you until death? you couldn’t understand what prompted him to hate you that much — was that all a plan to attack your brother, due to his status as an enemy of the fatui. did he really love you? or did the fatui explored his connection with you in the past to bring their vengeance to life?

however, the sadness shining in his eyes told you otherwise.

“please.” you tried to say with the last breath that you had, black points already appearing in your vision and his face blurred by the tears in your eyes.

you could see the outline of a sad smile on his lips. “i’m sorry, my beloved.” you felt a pair of lips on your forehead, the hand that wasn’t on your neck caressing your now scarred cheek. “i will always love you.” you couldn’t see the tears dripping down his lifeless eyes, a feeling that ajax hadn’t felt in years. when it was the last time he cried? when he thought he was going to die when he fell down in the abyss? he couldn’t remember.

now, however, seeing the life leaving your body was enough to make his frozen heart to melt and break. rosalyne’s words resonated in his head — it was better to die by his hands, a slow and painless death, than to hers. tartaglia knew she would let all of her rage fall upon you, and he couldn’t bear to see what was going to happen if you became her victim.

“what is happening here, childe?”

a deep voice startled him, his hand leaving your neck to welcome one his swords again. you body fell limp to the ground, though ajax still could see a faint rise and fall of your chest. you were still alive — your body wouldn’t be another one on his count.

when he turned around to meet the owner of the familiar voice, ajax was met with zhongli’s startled face, his eyes widened, rage dancing on them like a foreign dancer presenting their talents, and brows furrowed. and it seemed like his senses came back to him, no trace of foul legacy inside him anymore, and he noticed what he had done. his tears were now falling freely from his eyes, his heart break and twisting and making breathing more difficult.

he was sure the archons sent zhongli to meet you both. because now you could live.

he took your body between his arms, trying to enjoy the last time he would hold you as close as that, walking towards the older man. “take her, please. i beg you, zhongli, take her and send her back to her mondstadt.” he pleaded, holding your body close to his chest. “i’ve committed the highest sin, and i can’t let the destiny that was bestowed upon her become a reality.”

it seemed as if zhongli understood what he was saying, though not entirely if his slightly furrowed brows had something to say, his arms ready to welcome you. ajax, albeit reluctantly, passed your body to zhongli’s waiting arms, your blood now a dark spot on his shirt and jacket, staining his hands and fingers — he always had enjoyed the sight of blood adorning his skin, especially those from his enemies, but your blood was like a venom corroding his skin until it was only bones. the smell was nauseating, and he felt like throwing up. “please, go. you will understand when the time comes, zhongli.” he couldn’t bear to see the state that he, himself, had put you in. hadn’t he promised to protect you until the end of time? that was his protection?

the other man only nodded, in a loss of words, walking away from childe, hurriedly, with your body between his arms. he knew childe could be quite bloodthirsty and feral, but never with you. his dead eyes even gained a spark whenever he was around you, and the smiles that adorned his face in your presence were the most real ones zhongli ever saw on the younger man's face. in all his almost four thousand years, morax had never witnessed a lover almost killing another — though he suspected childe’s work as a fatui had something to do with his sudden change in behavior.

you only started to give signs of being awake a few meters away from the harbinger’s house, though you didn’t try to trash around or get away from his hold. you seemed defeated, as if you had already accepted death. “... where…?” your voice was hoarse, probably from the choking childe had put you on, the mark of his hands still visible on your skin.

“it’s zhongli, my dear. i will take you to a safe place. you are safe now.”

—

it took you some hours to regain consciousness again, your mind a mix between remembering what happened and dreaming that your lover was still with you, holding your body close to his and whispering loving words in your ear.

however, when you finally broke free from the state you were in, the unfamiliar mattress under you and the coldness of the blankets over your body were a cruel reminder that your dreams were only that — feverish dreams of a time that you weren’t sure were true from ajax’s side. because your feelings for him were, the most truthful sentiments you ever felt in your entire life, and now they were providing you the most sorrowful emotions a human being could feel. your heart wasn’t broken, as it was crushed. crushed to the point that it was just dust now, and even if you wished you could mend it, you knew you wouldn’t be able to.

“here, have some tea.” zhongli’s voice took you from your thoughts, and you only nodded, not knowing if he had said anything before it. “are you feeling better? i am not the best healer, as you can see. i am afraid some of your injuries might form a scar.”

“it’s alright” you answered, not sure about what to say. you could feel the bandages all over your body, the pain all over it, but you tried to drink the tea, nonetheless. zhongli was being kind enough to take care of you, and you would never make little of his efforts. “a scar is the sign that i fought back.” you remembered your father once telling diluc that, on his first years of sword training — but it was a completely different circumstance, and you weren’t sure he would approve of his only daughter now having an imperfection on her face.

“i am sure it will not affect your beauty.” those words managed to bring a faint smile to your face, though not as bright and big as it used to be. zhongli missed the sight of your smiles, but he was happy he was able to bring the ghost of it to your face once more. he was well versed in the ways of having a broken heart, and a true smile would take some time to adorn your lips again.

he watched as you drank the tea, taking the cup from your hands gently, while you adjusted yourself once more on his bed. he was already in contact with lumine, who was probably in contact with your brother, to find a way to bring you back to your hometown safely and quickly. zhongli was intrigued by childe’s last words — what sin had the younger man committed, and what fate was bestowed upon you? the archon couldn’t think about anything that could make the harbinger to try to kill you, but your fate seemed to be worse than death on childe’s eyes.

he thought his last contract was with the tsaritsa, but it seemed that one of her followers managed to steal such a place in the god of contract’s existence.

“zhongli?”

your voice was small, as if it was the song of a caged bird. he turned his golden eyes to your form, impressed by how young you truly were — in many nights he was kept awake, eyes facing the same ceiling you were now, thinking about how much you remind him of her. of how your smile was the same as hers, how the wind in your hair made the same movement it used to do with hers. but you were young, and you didn’t have the same wisdom and knowledge as her, but you had enchanted him the same way.

he wasn’t sure if reincarnations really existed, but, if it did, you and guizhong shared the same soul.

“yes, my dear?” he tried not to touch your face like he used to do with her, but he got up from the chair he was in and sat on the end, his hands a few inches away from your resting body.

“have you ever had your heart broken?” zhongli understood why you were asking that. you were away from your family, away from your friends in a foreign nation, and you needed guidance. and he was beyond happiness to be the one to help you — if he could, he’d share with himself the pain you were feeling so you could feel better.

you watched as he nodded. “i did, once.”

“and how did you heal from it?” it was a personal question and you knew it, but you didn’t know who to ask. diluc and kaeya never had a great love that ended in sour feelings as far as you knew, so they weren’t options. maybe lisa? you didn’t know much about her past as a student in sumeru, but you would be too ashamed to ask her something like that.

zhongli stayed silent for a while, and you almost lost hope that he would answer you, before he started. “i do not think i ever healed from that. but time proved to be an efficient helper.” though the curiosity to know what happened with him numbed your pain a bit, you wouldn’t be able to ask. it must have been something really horrible if he still wasn’t able to get over it. “and my friends and family, too. the key is to not be alone at those times when you can’t think about anything else but them.” but her, he wanted to say, her that is so much like you that it pains my heart to see you suffering like that. “love can only be cured with love, y/n.”

you nodded, pinky finger intertwining with zhongli’s one, as a way to comfort him for the pain you made he remember. he chuckled, and it seemed like the sound reverberated through the whole earth, a sound that could make mountains turn to dust and flowers to grow.

but home was calling you, and you couldn’t ignore the song of freedom calling you back, nor the wind almost dragging you back to a place you knew nobody could ever hurt you.

a big kiss to @ajaxstar

#🧸- virtus #i read these hundreds of times but i could never describe how beauitufl and majestic it is #i could feel every single emotion yn and childe/ajax felt #i almost felt suffocated by the lies childe told yn as he was trying to chain her to him #i loved how yn refused to acknoweldge that the ajax she loved is dead #i can feel her desperation and her still living love for the new ajax #their moments are so romantic and intimate that it feels like i am spying on them #the sweetness and obsession childe has towards yn and how he wants to make her live with him forever shows me how much he cares for her #the eyes are the mirror of the soul dear ajax #zhongli is so handsome and such a gentleman with yn #how cute she is whenever she talks about her family and how sad i am when she tells about how she misses her life before crepus' death ;^;#my poor bby ;^;#bby i love this so so so much #words can't describe it #la signora needs to chill before i kick her (jk i love u signora pls give me a chance)#i was this close to tear off my hair when childe fought against yn #MY LOVE HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME PLEASE I WAS SOBBING IN A CORNER #the ending is so painful please i can't.... how much i need to suffer more?#ohhhh so zhongli feels attrached by yn and how she reminds him of a certain her ... i'm curious now #will be a love triangle in part 3?#omg i can't wait to read it i need to know about them!!!!!!#bby you did such a wonderful job ilysm <3

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yesimwriting · 4 months ago

Text

Normalcy

A/n deadpool and wolverine drabble bc the movie was a little too good

Summary: Still reeling from the loss of your powers, you struggle to hold it together inside the TVA's void. Thankfully, you find an uncharacteristically peaceful distraction in your old friend Deadpool and in the wolverine variant who wants nothing to do with you.

Warnings/info: reader is a (former) avenger (bc i love the avengers <3), reader is described as having similar powers to wanda and having trained with her (bc i love wanda), implied beginning of an accidental love triangle if you squint ig, maybe too much lore for a drabble (?), me writing for characters for the first time so be nice 😭

----

The lines etched into your palms do not bend and twist to spell out secrets, there are no messages worth decoding pressed into your skin. Knowing this is not enough to stop you from staring at your hands like if you could just think about it hard enough...

"There you are, Peanut." The words are so warm you're briefly pulled out of your internal angst. You straighten, head lifting slightly and arms crossing in front of your chest. "Thought I lost you."

Wade continues forward until he's directly in front of you. He pauses, watching you with an unabashed openness that you'd only ever allow him to get away with. "Kidding," he tries, "I'd never lose you."

The familiarity of the casual affection eases you further, the corner of your mouth tugging itself upwards. "I was like 15 feet away from you."

"Sorry for caring." It's his go to comeback when it comes to defending the displays of affection you have the audacity to find overdramatic.

You blink, lips parting despite your lack of response. The world has felt a little slower these last few days, moving at a pace that leaves you with no choice but to reflect. Maybe it's the void.

"Hey," his voice feels a little flatter without his usual humor, "Are you okay?"

You let out a breath, shocked by this new low. Sure, you've known Wade for awhile and you've both seen each other through plenty of stages, but he's never felt the need to attempt a genuine pep talk for you. He's never struck you as the pep talk sort...for anyone. Do you really seem that off?

It's bad enough that your identity crisis has stolen the abilities that would have helped your trio pop out of the void with no real fanfare, you can't also make your insecurities everyone else's problem. "Yeah." The response doesn't feel convincing, but with Wade wearing the Deadpool mask, it's hard to be sure. "Just y'know...we're in a void and our reality might be ripped apart, so I've been better."

He's still watching you with a level of focus that's unnerving. You've gotten used to his familiarity, his lack of care for personal space or the social rules around watching people. "You're doing it again."

"Seducing you with my ability to have a heart to heart while looking this good in my suit?"

You sigh in an attempt to dismiss your slight smile. Happy or sad, superhero that once fought Thanos or regular person that can't regulate their emotions, Wade always treats you the same. "The staring thing. You said you'd stop."

"No, you said I'd stop." The correction is a return to what you're used to. He takes a step towards you, his proximity now forcing you to tilt your chin up slightly to look him in the eye. "I'd never promise to look at you less."

"Comforting."

He angles his chin downwards, making the limited distance feel more significant. "I thought so." For a moment, he's quiet in a way that doesn't feel very him. "Are you sure you're...good?" His hesitance is another reminder that this is far out of his element. "I know this is your first..." Wade's rarely careful, only ever treading lightly on the one subject you never want to bring. "Outing, since..."

"I lost my powers."

Wade goes quiet again. If this conversation is as inevitable as it seems, a part of you wishes it could have come up elsewhere. Maybe in your shared apartment, definitely without the mask so you could better interpret his reactions. It's not often you keep secrets from him, but the hollowness you feel knowing the part of yourself you've lost isn't something you can just share.

It's more than just about missing your party tricks, it's about losing a part of yourself. They were all that was left of your time with the Avengers, of what Wanda taught you before Westview.

He lets out a breath. "They're not lost." You raise your eyebrows slightly, giving him a look meant to caution him against sympathetic optimism. "We don't know that."

He seems so happy to be able to tell you that there's no proof that any and all magical abilities have been flushed out of your system, you don't have it in you to remind him that that's mainly because you have no one to ask. What's left of the Avengers and your government connections either barely understand what you were or are untrustworthy.

"Educated wish?"

His mask muffles a slight gasp. You press your lips together in an attempt to resist smiling. "The last one worked out great."

Your eyebrows pull together skeptically, a reminder that the two of you are still technically in the middle of the last educated wish he attempted to speak into existence. "Didn't Wolverine stab you multiple times--"

He cuts you off with a heavy sigh. "If I took getting stabbed personally, do you know where we'd be?"

In a reality where Wade holds grudges over those kinds of things, you wouldn't be anything to each other, except maybe enemies. You've never pulled a knife or sword or anything sharp on him, but when you first met he did startle you before you had a total grip on your abilities, which resulted in him getting thrown through a wall.

"I never stabbed you."

His hand finds your shoulder. You let him drag his thumb against against the fabric of your suit. "And that's how I know you really love me, Peanut."

You roll your eyes in an attempt to dislodge the warmth that settles in the pit of your stomach. The last thing Wade needs is encouragement. "I mean, I do go around stabbing everyone I like less than you."

He lets out a sound that feels like a scoff attempting to mask itself as a dry laugh. "There's the sense of humor that'd hurt me if I knew you less."

"Well--"

He squeezes your shoulder, "I know you." Okay. You'll let him have this one because maybe there's some truth to what he's saying. "I'm going to go check on the car, because a fucking Honda Odyssey would break down on us for no reason before we got to the fight."

"For no reason or because of the bitch fight you and Wolverine had in it?"

There's a beat of silence in which all you can do is try to imagine Wade's expression behind the mask. You'd like to think that he's smiling. "Oh, Pumpkin." He sighs as if you've stumbled onto saying something terribly naive. "It wasn't a bitch fight, it was awesome, and probably turned you on."

You deadpan a flat, "You caught me." He hasn't let go of your shoulder, and a part of you is oddly glad for it. "I'd offer you help with the car, but..."

You're self aware enough to acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses, car maintenance being the latter. Wade doesn't even let you get your oil changed by yourself anymore.

"I've met you." He squeezes your shoulder again, the gesture weirdly stabilizing. "Give me 15 minutes to actually look at the car and then I'm all yours."

Wade lets go of you, his arm falling to his side. "Aren't you always?"

He lets out an exaggerated gasp. "You're making me feel cheaper than my usual rate, Peanut."

You smile as he turns away. Things are always a little easier with Wade. It's more than just distraction, it's his way of making things feel a little lighter. You're not sure what to do with your 15 minutes of solitude to avoid falling back into self pity.

You originally broke away from the group of void trapped heroes under the premise of needing fresh air, but even here, with the expansive, sparsely wooded area at your disposal, the oxygen in your lungs still feels flat. If Wanda were around, you'd be able to ask if she felt the strangeness of this other plane of existence as well. At least then you'd know if your dislike of the void is only mental or an actual sign of life from your abilities.

You begin to walk forward, hoping to shed all thoughts of both your former self and the eeriness of this other world. There are other people you could talk to you. The others have been polite enough, or at the very least, passionate enough to be talked into facing Cassandra.

The trees you've been wandering through grow in their sparsity, the edge of the woods revealing a patch of grassland highlighted by a fire's warm glow. You squint past the tree line, attempting to make out the figure sitting in front of the flames. Wolverine.

Secluded from the group and staring at a campfire. Surprising. Though, you guess it's not fair to judge him too harshly, you left the group to brood as well.

He doesn't like you, doesn't know you well enough to dislike you, but it took him no time to find a way to get around that. Maybe it's your proximity to Wade. You've done your best to take his hostility as un-personally as possible. You've seen enough people you really care about go through the guilt ridden, fallen hero thing to know how deep that kind of hurt runs.

You've never known a Wolverine or Logan Howlett variant, so you have no way of knowing what he was like before. Sure, you've heard stories, but you're also overly aware of how the media can twist and turn those stories to fit their narrative. One day, a superhero is the world's greatest protector, and the next their the greatest menace. Maybe he was always a little dark, or maybe he wasn't.

"Don't just stand there." The gruffness of his voice startles you more than it should.

Heat crawls up your neck, a part of you more embarrassed than you should be. You weren't lurking, or at the very least, you weren't trying to.

You sigh as you abandon the safety of the tree line. "Sorry." He turns his head away from the fire. "I wasn't--I was just walking."

He's quiet for such a long moment you almost expect him to not respond at all. "Without your shadow?"

Wow, only a halfhearted dig at Wade. You must have caught him in a good mood. "Friend, and he's looking at the car. I'd be looking at the car with him, but I figured the odds for tomorrow are bad enough as is."

Another uneasy stretch of silence. "Yeah." There's not much, if anything, to take from the comment. "If you're here to convince me to go with you guys tomorrow--"

"I'm not." It's an honest answer. You had been walking around aimlessly and happened to stumble onto him. "I'm not into the pep talk thing." He scoffs, the sound lacking in genuine aggression. "What?"

He lifts his gaze from the fire, his eyes settling on some point past the horizon. "I thought you were an Avenger."

You're not sure what bugs you more, the fact that he's so sure he has you all figured out or the implication that the Avengers spend their days encouraging each other instead of actually doing things. What the Avengers are--or maybe were--is so much more than that.

You step forward, further separating you from the cluster of trees. "The Avengers are about a lot more than that."

His attention briefly shifts onto you before returning to the flames. If the silence is meant to be dismissive, it doesn't feel that way. There's a patience there that doesn't suit his usual brooding.

"Do you care if I sit?" The question is forced out before you can overthink it. "I promise no inspirational speeches or small talk."

After a beat, he dips his chin downwards in a nod so subtle you would have missed it if you had been watching him any less carefully. You're more relieved by his acceptance than you should be, your feet carrying you towards the campfire.

You sit at a polite distance, knees bent in front of you. His silence seems to push against the void's sluggishness. Maybe the issue has been you fighting this world's momentum.

"Why are you with him?" You're not sure if you're more shocked by the question or the break in silence. When all you can do is blink, he continues, "You seem--" He subtly clears his throat, as if struggling to admit this next part, "Nice, normal."

Oh. If you had been focused, you likely would have got what he meant without the clarification. "I know Wade's a lot--especially to you." You place a hand against your knee, thinking about that very specific safety you only feel with Wade. You don't have to try at being anything, or worry about earning your keep in any capacity. "But once you get to know him, he's a good friend."

You look away from the fire pit in time to see the skeptical look Logan throws in your direction. "I'm serious." His expression doesn't change. "He um--after I stopped being important to everyone else, he still liked me ." This isn't the conversation you wanted to stumble onto, especially not with someone who you barely know and actively dislikes you. "That sounds kind of dumb, but the point is, he's loyal."

He turns his head back towards the fire. "You always call him by his name." The observation is so stiff you'd consider it hesitant if it came from anyone else.

You've never thought much about Wade's name. Part of it is familiarity, and the rest of it is a force of habit. Even when you were with the Avengers, you preferred using actual names when off duty. It's easier to separate the mask from the person beneath it when you make an active effort to.

You shrug. "I'm not into off duty superhero names, Wolverine."

He falls silent again. You concentrate on the flames, the way they illuminate the world around you. "You can--" He cuts himself off, attention never wavering from the fire. "You can call me Logan, if you want."

An unsteady warmth roots itself in your chest. You didn't expect any sort of kinship between you and the wolverine Wade stole from some other timeline beyond him occasionally accepting your attempts at creating peace between him and Wade.

"Okay," you focus on keeping your tone measured, avoiding any emotions that might startle him, "Logan."

There's no tension in the quiet that follows. You let the minutes pass until you're certain that Wade's waiting for an interruption disguised as an attempt to help. "I should go, Wade's probably waiting for me."

You push yourself to stand. You let yourself glance at him one last time before turning towards the trees you emerged from.

#mcu #mcu x reader #wolverine x reader #deadpool x reader #logan howlett x reader #wade wilson x reader #logan howlett x you #wade wilson x you #wolverine x you #deadpool x you #deadpool and wolverine x reader

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baby-yongbok · 1 month ago

Text

This is How It Feels

Bang Chan Soft Thought

WC - 675 ✧ Masterlist ✧

a/n - This was typed based off of an overwhelming feeling I got while listening to This is How It Feels by d4vd and Laufey so I'm sorry if it's kinda messy. Hope you enjoy!

Chan has been dreaming of you again.

He has for a while. He's found that it gets more painful with the frequency of frames that pass his still lids in the night.

He can only describe it as an act of masochism. The epitome of pleasure and pain intertwining to create what we've all come to know as love. But Chan didn't always love you, not like this. He was able to keep you in a lighter gaze. He was able to separate you from his desires until you became the center of them all.

It was 3:30 am when he first noticed it. He was on the phone with you, something that the two of you do when he can't sleep. You had passed out an hour ago but he stayed on the call. He listened to the soft sound of your breathing and memorized the pattern of your snores.

You groaned and turned in your sleep and he heard it all. For a second, he held his arms open for you to slot between them. He held himself open to embrace your absent figure before he could even realize it.

Chan stood awake that night. Staring at the ceiling with the sweet sounds of you creating storms in his busy mind. You've unearthed something new in him. His heart turned and he found something underneath.

He found love.

He was content on dry drowning through his emotions after that night. He was okay with taking the bare minimum from your soft and generous hands just to imagine that it could be more one day.

It took another night of listening to you sigh and snore through the night for him to realize that this is just a pain he'll have to deal with. Confessing is not an option in his busy mind. It would be the introduction to the end, and that would kill him. Though, he is sure that you’ll be the death of him either way.

Chan convinced himself that he's content with these phone calls. The act of falling into a deep peace beside you felt natural for him. It felt right.

When 3:30 am snuck up on him during this call he sighed as the whirlwind picked up in his chest.

The thoughts

The desires

The pain

The love

It all belongs to you, and you'll never know it.

The warm and erratic fluttering against a rib cage too small to contain the swelling of his heart has become a familiar sensation on nights like these. The shadow of swirling rose colored smoke that he's been desperate to pass to you is something that he'll have to inhale by himself.

You. This atmosphere that the two of you have created. This connection that vibrates strong through time and space has metamorphosed him in the dark hours of the night like magic.

And suddenly, he feels it spilling over. Bubbling tall and staining the fabric of his sanity.

"You always fall asleep first..." Chan whispers into the receiver as he turns to face his phone. To face you. "I'm jealous."

He chuckles, closing his eyes as the whirling in his chest gets lighter with each word he speaks.

"I wish I could join you... or maybe you join me. I wish you were.. here. I wish you were here." He's whispering, his heart pounding loud in his ears. Parts of him dissolve in the quiet night, he wishes you were here to fill in the gaps.

"While you're sleeping I'm falling in love." He smiles to himself. "I never knew that this is how it would feel to fall for you."

He sighs, laying on his back now. He stares at the ceiling, imagining constellations that should have your name.

"It's hopeless." Chan looks back over to his phone. Your soft breathing has slowed. It's quiet, and for a second, he convinces himself that he doesn't care if you hear him. He takes a leap of faith and says it. Simple and soft.

"I love you so much."

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Thank You For Reading! Please Reblog or Comment to let me know how you liked it! It makes my day! 💕

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rethcore · 2 years ago

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Just finished watching a longplay of evo the theory of evolution for the pc 98 and boy is it making me feel emotions that i can barely wrap my head around

#draupnir reflections #idk how to describe it #i felt sad but happy #i felt insignificant but peaceful #it made me want to cry but not in a bad way #emotional dysregulation hard and i can't put how its making me feel into accurate words #but this is not what i was expecting from an evolution game

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baby-pink-flowers · 1 month ago

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Words can not explain how much I love Kurt Wagner. I can't think of a good way to describe the emotions or feelings this blue german man makes me feel. When I found out that he likes pirates. The amount of joy I felt is indescribable. When I read his backstory, I got so sad, and the fact that he is so nice and caring after all the shit he went through makes me love him more

Like look at him!!! I love him!!!

#kurt wagner #nightcrawler #x men #nightcrawler xmen #kurt wagner x men

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the-ellia-west · 11 months ago

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How to make your readers Feel emotions for Dummies

(Characters crying edition!)

So... You can't write characters crying? (Or you just want to read this for some reason) Well, neither do I so let's get right into it! I should be packing for a trip but oh well who cares? Not me!

Yeah. Your character is crying and you want to know...

How to not make it cringe af

How to make the Readers relate to it

How to make the readers not only relate to it, but feel DEPRESSED

Step 1 - Do NOT over describe it I've tried to write this so many times and failed that I've realized it's just like good horror. If anything, don't describe the tears, describe their impact, describe the horror of why they're happening, what they're doing to your character. (Example at the end)

Step 2 - Make it at a time when we've had time to connect to the character Put it in the middle of the 1st or only book at the earliest. Other than that, put it later. The more time you spend with the characters, the more their breaking down will emotionally scar you. And that's what we want

Step 3 - Describe other actions for the character Deep breaths, falling to their knees, screaming, choking, cradling the body of a loved one, sad dialogue, other concerned characters, ect. Actions speak louder than words and that is sooooo true in writing. This one of those rare cases where show don't tell is a must.

Ex. (I'm using A and B for the character names cause I'm lazy)

The world seemed to slow as everything came crashing down around her as his body hit the ground, a soft thud the only sound she heard as the grass slowly turned from the light lively emerald of life, to the deep crimson red of death. He was gone. She ran over to him, his quickly fading labored breaths and her crunching footsteps the only sound as the sun shone into her eyes, blinding her. She dropped to her knees beside him, the tears already beginning to fall as she began to choke on her own words, unable to speak as she grabbed his hand. It felt warm in her palm as she clutched his hand close to her chest as the world came crashing back. The burning light of the sun in her eyes, the heat of it and the adrenaline on her skin, her brother's cooling hand, his raspy breaths, her sobbing gasps, the clash of metal against metal, the falling bodies, the raining blood. Then the screams. "A! A! What are you doing?! We're in the middle of a fight! Don't you remember what I taught you?" B nearly screamed at her, causing A to cry out in a mix of anguish and agony, panic finally reaching her as the impact of what had just happened finally hit her.

(Side note: If you liked the example, it will be part of my Fantasy Book series Coming out soon! More in my profile if you're at all interested)

That wasn't as sad as it could of been because you didn't know the characters, but it's definitely better than just an extended description of crying.

Anyway, thank you lovelies and I hope this helps you even a little bit! Love you, continue being awesome!

[Edit: WHY DO YOU LIKE THIS SO MUCH WHAT DID I DO TO GET SO MANY PEOPLE TO LIKE THIS???? I am flattered... Thank you?]

#creative writing #fiction writing #writing community #writer things #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #writeblr #writing #writers #write #writer #writers and poets #how to write #writing tips #writing tips and tricks #writing advice #writing help

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nuhuhwinniethepooh · 10 months ago

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♡_________________________________________________________

The word 'obsession' is a mild word if it's referring to him but it's the only word that can describe what he feels on an everyday basis. What he feels is beyond worldly tags on feelings and emotions, words are just words afterall and words always falls short.

He loves, he hates, he adores, he loathes, he swoons, he has the very impulsive thought of killing you with his own hands while he watches the life leave your eyes, he wants to hold you close and never want to see the light burn out in your eyes, he doesn't know what he wants when it comes to you but in the end, it's all words- he'll truly never be able to tell you how he feels.

Despite the constant conflict of emotions in him, he never thought of letting you go. That's not even a choice, the words itself has a meaning in his dictionary, sure but when it comes together? It's a sham of a word, a phrase to be precise, a crude mockery of it to be exact. It's a sentence that doesn't make sense nor should it make sense because why would he ever do that? He loves you, He hates you.

It's confusing really, he loves you to the point that he can kill you. Obsession? A mild word as stated before, the want on keeping you locked up all for him is always in conflict with the want on taking you around the world and spoiling you rotten, allowing you to be free and flourish rather than caged and wither but- there will always be a 'but' since all he wants is to do both, the former and the latter. Both sounds so good, he can't really decide. Until then, you can live your life without the knowledge of turmoil in him, enjoy it while you can.

But maybe one day, he'll finally snap. Snap and make his final decision on what he wants to do with you and your life, make the final decision on how you're gonna spend the rest of your life or maybe he'll come to a realization, the truth of it all in a poetic sense.

He hates the fact that he loves you or he loves the fact that you hate him, No in-between.

He loves you enough to possibly kill you. A bad ending of a sort or a mercy in a twisted sort of way, It's all upto you in the end.

Love could kill? Words always falls short but for him, those three words means more to him than 'I love you' or any of those other 3 words squashed together to make a phrase. Love can kill and it means literally but only if you're referring to him, that is.

He just loves you enough to kill you.

♡_________________________________________________________

Characters when they go Yandere! Lol? I felt poetic and a tad bit lazy to write anything else.

Applies to :

Gojo Satoru, Geto Suguru, Chrollo, Feitan, Hisoka, Illumi, Dabi, Nagumo, L

Im out of characters but who do you think this could apply to?

Masterlist

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gguk-n · 3 months ago

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Chapter 3- The Reveal

Unravelling Max's Mystery (Max Verstappen x Online Friend!Reader)

Series Masterlist

Summary- Y/N gets rejected for the sixth time. Max win's the Monaco grand prix 2023. Y/N decides she needs time for herself.

No hate to anyone, it's for the story

{Reader's POV}

I fell asleep crying, a faint buzzing from my phone was heard from the other room. I woke up after a few hours at 3 am when I found my phone which was burning up. The messages hadn't stop coming. They had gotten quite frantic as I scrolled through my notifications. I decided to reply to Max's messages.

He was still the guy I liked, I couldn't not reply. But I was hurt and in no shape to be talking to him. I don't know what Max said after my message because my phone shut down. I pushed myself to clean myself up and my surrounding. I was a stress cleaner and I'm so grateful to having 2 jobs right now. It meant my mind would be preoccupied. I cleaned my whole house before leaving for school in the morning. My eyes were red and puffy; I was on coffee. I had yet to switch my phone on. I wasn't ready to face Max yet.

Today was the worst day, not only because of last night's revelation but I had the least amount of classes today. None of the kids needed help after class either. That meant I was left to my own devices. When I switched the phone on, I could see missed calls and texts from Max and a couple voice messages; from the night before and today morning I guess. I opened up Google to check his schedule; he was in Monaco, which was also his home currently. I found out a lot about him, you think you know someone but then Google tells you otherwise. His dad was as shitty as he described. His records and feats were astonishing and if I wasn't this angry at him for hiding it from me, I would've been so proud and told him so. His Instagram feed was pretty and polished and he posted so much racing content. I found his streaming account with a team, he was exactly like the Max that called me everyday with occasional appearances from the cats on stream. People spoke so rudely about Max, it angered me to no end. He was a kind man, a liar but a sweet man.

The real kicker was Max's girlfriend's account where I found so many pictures of them together with her daughter, from what I found out. He looked happy, he had a family like he always said he wanted. I couldn't help but smile bitterly, a part of me wished that it was me who was the woman beside him with our kid. Life is cruel in some ways, mine is satire at best. Here, I can't date a man because I'm hung up on a guy I've never met before while said man has a family. I felt tears streaming down my face which I quickly wiped them off. I had enough of pity and sympathy stares since the morning to last a lifetime, I can't deal with any more of them.

I knew I wanted to talk to Max, the only guy who has ever understood me, however, I also knew that if we spoke I wouldn't be listening to him. I was scared I would lose the one true friend I have. Would Max understand where I was coming from? Why did he hide this from me? Did he not trust me enough? I get it, but you are a public figure. I don't know how to feel about all of this. It was the weekend tomorrow. I would be left with my thoughts and I probably shouldn't confront Max before his race on Sunday, right?

I spent the next two days planning how I would talk to Max. How I would ask him why he hid everything from me? I didn't want to fight him; my parents always said I was rude and difficult to work with, that my anger consumed me, that my words were harsh. I wasn't supposed to show such negative emotions they said. I didn't want to lose him; but was I allowed to hold on to him when he never let me have him?

Max called and texted me every day but I was very scared, scared of becoming the monster my parents said I was, sacred of hurting the one I love. There I said it, said Max and love in the same sentence. I had threaded that line so carefully but after all of this, I realised that I've loved him for years and watching him be happy with some else hurt as much as knowing that I never truly knew Max. It was Sunday night, I checked the news and saw that Max won. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to rejoice watching the man I love win at what he was best at or be hurt watching him live a life I knew nothing about.

I texted him at night on Sunday, maybe he would be busy celebrating his win, I didn't know. I didn't know a lot of things. As I waited for the text back, I logged on to my emails that I had forgotten about to find a reply from the publication I had sent my work to; to be met with dismay. Another rejection, I'm not sure how many more rejections I could take. My hands shook, making the laptop fall from my lap onto the bed. I got up and got myself a glass of water.

I laid on my bed for god knows how long before the familiar ring of my phone pulled me out of my trance. I had taken the day off tomorrow. I knew I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to deal with anything. I answered the call to a worried Max.

Max- Schat, how have you been? Haven't heard a word from you in days. Y/N- I've been busy, school year ending and stuff. Why didn't you sleep yet? Max- You know my sleep schedule is non existent. Y/N- Yeah, I guess I do. Max looked at me confused. Y/N- You know how I do freelance editing Max- You've told me about it Y/N- The latest author I'm working with is a sports author. I was hoping you could help me since you are a walking encycylopedia. Max- sure schat, but what's up with you? You know I'm always there for you Y/N- Yeah it nothing, just stressed. Max- Take off, you deserve it Y/N- The summer break is here soon, I'll be fine. So about that author... Max-Yeah, what sport does she write for? Y/N- Formula One. I don't really like reading lengthy articles and I'm sure one article wouldn't do a sport any justice. I could see the colour leave Max's face. He licked his lips before speaking. Max- You did not go through google yet, right? Y/N- Oh no, what do you take me for? I got excited to learn about something new. Do you know who the reigning champion is? Max was quite, a sort of uncomfortable silence had enveloped us, for the first time in 10 years. Y/N- Some dude named Max Verstappen. You guys share the same first name. He has 2 cats too; named Jimmy and Sassy, who look exactly like your bengals. I mean he even looks like you, with horrible sleep schedule just like you. He even sounds like you. I felt my voice begin to crack while I spoke, the lump in my throat unbearably big, my breathing was uneven. Max- Schatje, I can explain. Y/N- You don't have to Max. I never asked you what you did. You don't have to explain anything. (I smiled with only my lips) Max- I wanted to tell you, it just never came up in conversation. Y/N- I get it, it's difficult to tell your friend who has amounted to nothing that you are the World Driver's Champion, best of the best in Formula One. Max- Y/N, it's nothing like that. You're great, you're kind, you're funny. I laughed bitterly. Y/N- Those are character traits I possess, they don't describe my career goals or achievements. I know I work 2 jobs to stay afloat while you make millions, I know I wish I was an author and not their editor, I know you probably thought I was too stupid to understand your rich and fancy world. Max- No, no, you're so talented. I've read your work and I'm sure the right publication will pick your work up. Y/N- I got rejected for the sixth time today. All of this is fine except that you lied to me about being single while having a girlfriend for years and having the happy family you dreamt off. You didn't have to introduce me to her; not like my boyfriends met you. But it would've been nice if I knew. Max- It just never came up. Y/N- I...we joked about setting you up with someone all the time. Please don't. I get it, we didn't tell each other about work goals or what we did as a job but personal life; I literally told you about every guy I've ever been with. I felt bad telling you thinking you were single. I feel stupid right now. I had tears streaming down my face at this point. Max- I'm sorry,Y/N. I promise I won't hide anything anymore. Please, don't cry. Y/N- My name is Y/N Y/L/N. I majored in literature in Uni and now work as a primary school teacher and freelance editor. I'm trying to get my book published soon. I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago. Max- Please don't do this. Y/N- I believe at least one of us should be honest. Max- Let me fix this. Y/N- Don't worry. There's nothing to fix. (I wiped away my tears) Max- Please don't say that. You mean a lot me. Y/N- Me too. That's why, I need time. I'll talk to you when I'm ready. Max- Please, I can't lose you. Y/N- You won't. I'll always be there for you. I just need time. Take care Max I saw tears streaming down Max's face. Max- Bye, take care Y/N. I'll always be here. And then the screen went black.

[Max spent the whole week worrying about Y/N. He couldn't think straight. This was weird, she was never this busy before. It was stressing him out, he couldn't eat or sleep. He never even thought about the fact that maybe his lie had been exposed. When Y/N texted him, he was at a club in Monaco with the other drivers to celebrate his win. He only saw it after he got back home and immediately called her. She looked different, there was this sadness in her eyes. The smile didn't reach her eyes. And then she started talking, his heart was beating very fast. The moment she said Formula One, his whole world came crashing down. The more she spoke the more he felt like he was falling deeper, in a pit of his own making. He wanted to tell her, he wanted to explain himself but no words left his mouth. Then she started talking about his girlfriend. He felt like this was the last time he would get to talk to her, the last time he would hear her voice. This felt like the last time he would have her]

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willowsnook · 1 month ago

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hello can i can a scotch and coke in a tall class please??

oscar piastri x bsf!reader

just shut up and come here

-------------------------------------------------------

Golden retriever and grumpy cat. That was how you would describe your friendship with Oscar. You saw the world through a golden tint, wearing your emotions on your sleeve and always making the best of things. Oscar on the other hand was different. A man of little words which you didn't mind much because you could talk for hours. He would just sit there nodding and to an outsider it would look like he wasn't paying attention but he often would bring things up that you had said weeks ago so you knew that wasn't the case.

The two of you had met in elementary school, becoming fast friends after you were the only one to beat him in a running race. For him, you made him feel better about things, always knew what to say, and loved him so unconditionally that he could never feel lonely. For you, he was your rock, always dependable and loyal, always ready to defend you against anyone.

Years of friendship had made it easy for you to tell what he was thinking even when others couldn't. The one thing you couldn't nail down though, was if he was interested in being more than friends with you. When you were 10 years old you told your mom that you were going to marry him and that feeling hadn't wavered one bit. But you really couldn't tell if he was planning on marrying you or not. The last girlfriend he had was in high school and you hadn't even seen him flirt with anyone. So you would stay delusional for now.

Right now you were watching him argue with his agent over the phone. You had been scheduled to fly to Miami 5 hours ago but due to weather, you kept getting delayed by his pilot. At this point, it was decided that you would just fly first class on a flight already scheduled to depart.

Oscar joined you back in the waiting area after he got off the phone and you stopped messing around on your phone.

"Everything okay?" You asked and he nodded.

"The hotel was overbooked but they are still giving us one room."

"We've shared a room before Osc, not a big deal," you said and he shot you look.

"King bed," he said simply and your eyes widened.

"Well as long as you don't spread eagle I think we'll be good," you said reassuringly. He nodded looking away. Well gee, don't act like this will kill you Oscar, you thought to yourself.

Boarding the flight, Oscar grabbed your bag from you and you admired the way his biceps bulged as he carried them in front of you. You were happy to see that you had a private cubicle-type thing with two seats that were basically recliners.

After eating the in-flight meal you started to feel the effects of the sleeping pill you had taken earlier. Because of the time zone difference, you needed to sleep the whole flight so that you would be kind of adjusted for Miami.

Oscar had already dozed off and you shifted around for what felt like hours trying to get comfortable. You opened your eyes when you heard Oscar let out a deep exhale and found him looking at you.

"What's wrong?" He asked groggily.

"I can't get comfortable."

He looked at you for a second before lifting the blanket and patting his lap.

"Come here," he said nonchalantly and your face flushed.

"No, that's weird," you whispered and he rolled his eyes.

"I can assure you that it will be way more comfortable," he said. "Your dog sleeps on me all the time."

"That's because he's a dog," you whisper shouted. "Plus the seat belt light is on."

"Just shut up and come here," he said sending you a glare and you sighed. Unbuckling your seatbelt, you climbed into his lap, curling up with your head resting on his chest. His arms wrapped around you and he rested his head back, closing his eyes.

"More comfortable?"

"Shut up," you grumbled, drifting off.

You woke up before the plane started to descend and climbed back into your seat. Neither of you said anything about the situation and you decided that you never would.

Landing in Miami it was 8am. Oscar had a bunch of stuff to do with McLaren so you took your luggage to drop off at the hotel before you went sight-seeing. You planned on staying out the whole day in order to not be able to go to bed till later that night.

When you got back to the hotel at 7 you were dead on your feet. Oscar was sitting on the couch eating takeout and he offered you some. He very briefly told you about his day and then let you yap on for a while about yours.

You both got ready for bed and as you were changing a thought occurred to you.

"I think I'm not going to unpack because I'll just ask the front desk if another room is open tomorrow morning," you told Oscar who was already laying in bed. His face scrunched in confusion.

"Why? This is fine," he said.

"Yeah for tonight, but you might want to bring someone back this weekend," you said nonchalantly.

"Who would I bring back?"

"I don't know Oscar, a girl maybe?" You said exhaustedly. He didn't say anything just looked at you for a minute.

"When have you ever seen me bring back a girl?"

"I'm not with you all the time so I don't know," you flushed. "If you want to bring back a guy that's fine too I guess."

He looked at you for another second shocked and then snorted throwing his head back against the pillow.

"This is so fucking stupid," he said and you crossed your arms starting to get annoyed with him.

"Please enlighten me Oscar on why me wanting to get another room is so stupid."

"How many girlfriends have I had since high school?" He asked.

"None," you replied.

"Have you ever seen me flirt back with a girl that has come up to me when we're out?"

You shook your head.

"Have I ever talked about any girl that I would be interested in?"

You shook your head again.

"Why do you think that is?" He questioned. "I mean I'm an F1 driver for god's sake, you'd think I could get anyone I wanted right?"

You didn't say anything, confused at where this was going. He ran a hand through his hand letting out a frustrated groan.

"I have been in love with you since you beat me in that race when we were five years old," he said and your heart stopped. "So no, I'm not too keen on letting you get another room when I finally have you in my bed next to me."

Your breath caught in your throat as his words sank in, disbelief and warmth swirling in your chest. "You... what?" you whispered, barely able to find your voice.

He chuckled softly, "I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. Now will you please come to bed."

You slowly climbed into bed next to him, his eyes not leaving yours.

You leaned in, your hand resting on his chest as you pressed your lips to his—this time with no hesitation. His hand found the small of your back, pulling you closer, deepening the kiss. It was soft at first, but then something more surged between you, and the kiss grew hungry, like years of longing finally spilling over.

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #oscar piastri #oscar piastri x reader

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wackus-bonkus-maximus · 1 year ago

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😭😭😭😭😭 TRISHA!!!!!!!! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm never going to be the same after reading this.

Birthday ODNLB

GiftFic for Anarchist Gang Server

*~*

He watched the clock click over into midnight, arms wrapped around his knees.

He was sitting against the windows, head pillowed against the glass.

So close to freedom, so far, far away. How many times had he darted through these same windows without a thought for what it would be like to have them closed against him? How wild and reckless had he been, wasting the finite time he had with his friends – with her – and now. Now, he was alone again.

“Happy birthday, kid,” Plagg said softly, tucked against his shoulder.

Midnight.

He was officially eighteen. The gateway to adulthood.

Nothing would change.

He would still be under his father’s thumb; he would still perform on cue. A good little trophy, a perfect, obedient son.

His phone chimed with a message. Nino. Wishing him a happy birthday. Last year, his phone had been going off nonstop for the first hour.

But he had burned those bridges now to protect the people he loved.

“Thanks, Plagg.” He whispered, clearing the notification on his phone.

It was better for all of them if he wasn’t involved. If they stayed as far away from him as possible.

‘You’re thinking loudly.’ Felix’s complaint was soft in the corner of his mind.

‘Sorry for interrupting your sleep.’ He returned, phone pressed lightly against his knee.

Felix’s sigh was felt, not heard. An impression of air leaving his lungs. ‘Are you going to be maudlin the entire day?’

Adrien felt like his silence was sufficiently pointed.

‘The party will be fine, and then you can go back to hiding away from everyone.’ Felix’s faint amusement leaked between them. ‘I am sure you will only need to dance with Lila once.’

‘Is Kagami going?’

Embarrassment over the link was an interesting sensation, as though Felix’s presence in the other half of his mind heated up.

‘She has been invited, as have many others. Chloe assured me she would be.’ Felix replied stiffly.

‘Right. No wonder you are looking forward to it.’

He massaged his forehead, eyes closed as he thought about it – the party was his father’s. Every part of it planned, every part of it a presentation.

With Adrien at the center as a guest of honor.

Just another part of his life sentence.

There was a soft thump on the other side of the window, and he jerked on reflex, looking up.

Ladybug was standing there, studying him. She looked – different than he remembered. Carved from stone that looked to weary and bleak until she smiled at him, tentative and quiet.

He opened the window – it was stupid choice, but he opened the window for her and she stepped inside and a part of him wanted to scream a warning at her, to beg her to go, while the rest of him was turning towards her like a plant starved of sunlight. “Ladybug?” He whispered.

Her smile was smaller than he remembered it, the mischief gone, but she still smiled at him. “It’s your birthday.” She said, quiet, intense.

“Just now.” He waved his watch.

“Happy birthday, Adrien.” She pulled a small package from behind her back, offering it to him.

He took the wrapped package carefully, heart in his throat.

If Lila knew – if his father knew – if anyone knew she was here.

But he couldn’t send her away.

He couldn’t make himself send her away.

“Thank you.” He whispered, caressing the paper with hungry fingers. It probably smelled like her. It was still warm from the yoyo.

His eyes burned with tears, but he didn’t want to cry with his lady right there. There were words crowded behind his teeth, begging to be said, explanations she deserved.

“Open it.” She prompted.

He found a corner of the paper and tenderly unwrapped it, careful not to tear the wrapping. Her cheeks went faintly pink, but she didn’t move from the window.

Inside was a soft, hand-knitted sweater in a deep blue. A smaller package held macaroons.

“Passion Fruit. My favorite. Are these Tom and Sabine’s?” He asked.

Fuck. He wanted to throw himself at her feet and beg for forgiveness.

Her smile was quiet. “Only the best in Paris.”

“Thank you.” He put as much earnestness into his voice as he could manage. "Do you want one?" He opened the box of the forbidden treat, holding one out to her.

Her lips twitched, a faint hint of something warm and familiar settling over her face as she took it. He picked up another and gently bumped it against her cookie before taking a bite, letting it linger in his mouth, savoring it. "They're as good as I remember.

"It's been a while for you?" She takes a small, careful bite. No crumbs fall - not that anything would really ruin her costume. They're practically indestructible. But she's neat and careful. There is no careless joy to her movements, no argument that ends in messes.

He nods but says nothing. They finish the cookies in silence. His yearning for her only puts her in danger. It would be better to say nothing, to close this door too. But he can't.

“I hate my birthday.”

“Why?” She blinked, sinking down to the window. Their feet touch. It's a ridiculous thing to notice.

He had seen her like this a thousand nights before, and yet he had never seen her like this at all.

“It’s always a big production my father puts on. It’s never….it’s not….” He swallowed back the lump in his throat. “It makes me wish for things that can never be.” His mouth still tastes like passion fruit and sweet, crumbly cookies.

Ladybug nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. He longed to touch her but knew he couldn’t, or he would break in ways that could never be repaired. “I remember Hawkmoth made an Akuma out of one of your friends.”

“Nino.” He closed his eyes, a breath leaving him.

Doors were closing and being closed all around him. At the end of it, he would be nothing. All he would ever be allowed to be was a perfect doll that followed orders.

He hated that most of all.

Hated the leash that held him back. “He’s away. For an internship.”

“International?”

“Mhm.” He stroked the soft yarn of her gift and knew he would probably never be able to wear it out of the confines of his bedroom.

But she had given it to him, this soft, hand-knitted sweater.

He wished he could smell it to determine if it did smell like her.

“So it’s just going to be you and…”

“And the whole of Paris. The valuable ones.” His voice was bitter, and he lifted his eyes to her as well. “This means more to me than you’ll ever know.”

“I know what it’s like to be alone.” She said softly, after a moment of studying him. “Even with so many people around, the ones you truly want to be there are gone.”

It felt like a knife in his soul, and he held her gaze for only a moment before dropping away.

“I’m sorry.” She cleared her throat. “Happy birthday, Adrien.”

“Thank you, Ladybug.” He whispered.

She touched the back of his hand, and stood.

He wanted nothing more in the world than to follow her out the window. But he can’t.

Chat Noir is dead.

His father made sure of it.

And Ladybug – unknowing, kind, perfect – is his enemy now.

“I hope you have a little bit of fun.” She offered quietly, and was gone.

“That could have gone worse,” Plagg muttered from his shirt. “Kid?”

He finally gave into temptation and brought the sweater to his face, inhaling deeply of the scent. Floral and spice, warm.

His lady.

‘Someone gag me.’ Felix muttered in his head.

@wackus-bonkus-maximus

@paracosmicat

#not adrien watching the windows like they're prison bars!#where before they were his view out to escape #his freedom #now they're instruments of torture #the way he's alone on his birthday </33 and only plagg and nino are there for him #the utter contrast to what it was like for him last year!#OMG AND FELIX! of course he's there to bother him on his birthday 🥺#he can't be there physically but he's always going to make sure to bother adrien at the appropriate times #because pestering him is his love language <33 #also i love the way you describe their twin telepathy! and the way adrien can feel his emotions through the bond!#and the mentions of feligami hehehhe #AAAHHH AND THE LADRIEN SCENE!!! I NEVER EXPECTED-#she's the sun and he's a plant starved of light 🥺 i can't with that metaphor it is doing things to my heart!#and she brings him his birthday present because marinette can't 😭😭😭#she showed him he wasn't alone at a moment he felt the most alone and if that isn't the most ladrien think i don't know what is #“i know what it's like to be alone” she says omg my HEART i will never recover #and felix there at the end KLSDGKLSF always ready to ruin the moment #trisha i love this with all my heart! fanfic of my fanfic 🥺💛🥺😭💛🥺#this is so painful and beautiful and i need these words tattooed on my face forever #i literally can't express my gratitude enough 💛💛💛💛 thank you i love it i LOVE it!!#odnlb #one does not love breathing

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flippinpancakes64 · 3 months ago

Note

the Cullens with a reader who can't show emotions and finally smiles after 10 years because of something cute the cullens did?

The Cullens when their SO finally smiles

I’m so terrible at making titles I’m sorry guys. Also for all of these scenarios I was envisioning that the reader is a vampire as well so do with that what you will

Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy!

Edward:

He turned you years ago now

And he’s known you for even longer than that

And for all those years, you have never outwardly shown your emotions

The most he gets from you is a furrow of the brows or a slight frown

It frustrated him a LOT at first

He just felt like he could never get through to you

But over the years of reading your mind and picking up on your other cues as to what you’re feeling, he’s learned to be okay

The two of you are sitting in one of your classes in school

Your Spanish teacher is currently talking about basic vocab for the upcoming unit

You two weren’t paying attention, choosing instead to just look at each other, when the teacher calls Edward’s name

“Mr. Cullen, mind telling me what this is called?” She points to the whiteboard that was currently displaying a picture of a shirt

“Camisa.”

“Wrong.”

“What?”

The look on Edward’s face was priceless, a mix between betrayal, mortification, and confusion

“This is a t-shirt, the word is camiseta. I suggest paying more attention next time.”

You wished you had gotten a picture of the snarl on his face

You couldn’t help the smile that formed on your lips as you giggled silently at Edward’s frustration

Instantly, all of his negative emotions were gone

You, the love of his life, the light of his world, the stone statue in his room, was smiling

He was in awe

He knew that he could never forget anything, his memory too perfect for that, but he still tried his best to commit your face to memory as best as he could

You noticed him staring and straightened your face out

He let it go until class was over, but as soon as the bell rang he grabbed you and pulled you into the hallway

“I always knew your face was capable of emotion”

“Nuh uh. My face is actually always permanently stuck like this”

“Liar”

Even if you never smile again, he can finally rest easy knowing what your gorgeous smile looks like

Even if it was at his expense

Alice:

She’s sort of used to not being able to pick up on emotions

Jasper’s always been more focused on not killing people, it’s not often that he’s comfortable enough to laugh

But then again, he shows discomfort on his face

You show nothing

Sure she was a little frustrated by it, but she got over it

Despite that, she loves you, and she loves everything about you

It’s not like this is a dealbreaker or anything

So life moves on

You were turned a couple of years ago by Carlisle, but you and Alice are only now getting married

You wanted to make sure that you could invite your human family without wanting to hurt them

And ten years was plenty time for that

You were currently standing back to back with Alice, the ends of her flowy dress were tickling your ankles

It was time for the first look, and you both were so excited

Carlisle and Esme stood nearby, Rosalie right in front of you two

“Okay, on the count of three, turn to look at each other. One, two, three”

You both whipped around

And before you stood the ethereal Alice

Dressed in a flowy dress with light purple accents, flowery clips in her short hair, and a huge smile on her face

She looked amazing

There were no words in your mind to describe her

So you just smiled

A big, toothy grin as you took in your future wife

You didn’t even get a chance to say anything before you were almost tackled to the ground by Alice

“This is the best wedding gift I could have asked for!!! I saw in a vision that you gave me an amazing gift but I didn’t get to see what it was! Thank you thank you thank you!”

“Alice I didn’t get you a gift?”

You were so confused

“Of course you did, silly. This right here.”

And with that she kissed you right on your smiling mouth

Jasper:

He’s sort of similar to you

Whenever he’s out in public, he’s too focused on not letting his urges take over

He doesn’t usually smile at jokes, frown at problems, or just generally emote

But when he’s home and away from temptation, he becomes more himself

Only, you don’t change

You’re the same stonefaced self you always are

It’s not too hard for him to deal with, he can feel your emotions

He knows when you’re happy, sad, angry, scared, everything

But of course, he has always wondered what your smile might look like

If he could sleep, he would dream about it

But he never pushes you

It’s a nice, October day

The trees are orange, yellow, and red. The air smells like honey and hot cocoa, and Jasper’s taking you to a horseback riding farm

He wanted to connect to his roots, and prove to you that he was capable of riding a horse at one point

You were both set up with your own horse

Yours was named Princess because she always carried herself with a certain pride

Jasper’s was called Toothache cause he likes to hit people in the jaw

He insisted on taking the difficult one, he claimed over and over that he would be okay

You and Princess were quick buddies, galloping around the pen with ease

Jasper was still trying to get within five feet of Toothache

He decided to try approaching from behind, seeing if the element of surprise would work

But all that got him was a hoof straight to the jaw

You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of your throat, a quick, dry guffaw as you looked on in disbelief

Jasper was almost too preoccupied with his anger at the horse to notice, but he did

In an instant he was next to you, staring deeply into your face which was now lit up with laughter

“Horse be damned, we’re goin home, sugar”

He cuddled you the rest of the night

Rosalie:

She was and is very frustrated at your lack of emotion

She’s not asking you to smile 24/7

But once would be nice

The two of you were out and about

Carlisle needed some more supplies for his home clinic, but his schedule for the week wouldn’t allow him to go get them himself

So he wrote a list for whichever one of his kids wanted to go get them for him

You wanted to do it, and since Rosalie loves you, she decided to go to

That’s how you ended up standing under the awning of a RiteAid as the rain beat harshly against the ground

Originally, you guys were going to wait until the rain stopped to run out to Rosalie’s car

But it’s been 7 minutes (not that you were counting) and it only kept pouring

“Do you want to make a run for it?” You asked

“And get my hair wet? No thanks. We can wait, unless you’re in a rush?”

“No I’m good”

And so you kept waiting

As you were standing there, a car veered into the wet parking lot, tires squealing as it turned the sharp corners

It whipped past the front of the store… and splashed a huge puddle onto you and Rosalie

You stood there shocked for a moment, vaguely registering your newly wet socks, when you heard Rose shriek next to you

“I’m gonna kill that fucking asshole!”

Cue a complete meltdown

She’s yelling about the manner in which she will stalk him, slowly make him paranoid, skin him, and then leave his body for his family to find

All while looking like a wet rat

You can’t help but have a goofy smile on your face, your beautiful wife ranting angrily about some stupid teenager

“Are you laughing at me? I swear to god I’ll skin you too. This is unbelievable!”

Once she’s calmed down later she can’t believe that she missed a once in a lifetime opportunity because she was so angry

A couple kisses should calm her down though

Emmett:

He prides himself on being a pretty funny guy

He cracks jokes all the time

I mean, his speech at Bella and Edward’s wedding was full of jokes and innuendos

His ego gets a little bruised every time you don’t laugh at one of his jokes

He knows that you don’t laugh at anything, but still

He would LOVE to be the exception

But 10+ years and he’s started to lose hope about that

That doesn’t stop him from trying though

You two were walking in the mall, hopping from store to store as you bought everything and Emmett carried it all

Across the aisle, you see two people, a guy and a girl

The guy was wearing one of those alpha wolf t-shirts, the words “mess with the alpha, you get the roar” printed boldly on the back

The girl was wearing galaxy leggings, a shirt with a potato on it, and a cat ear headband

The guy took his fedora off of his head, holding it up so that it covered both his and his girlfriend’s faces while they kissed- for far too long, you might add

As you were standing in complete awe at the sight in front of you, you felt Emmett lean close to your ear

“Don’t wowwy kitten, daddy wiww pwotect you”

You lost it

You let out a loud laugh followed by giggles, doubling over as you clutched your middle

Now it was Emmett’s turn to stand there in shock

“Out of all of the carefully planned out, methodical jokes, pranks, and everything else, you laugh at a Daddy’s Kitten joke?????”

He doesn’t know whether to be happy or angry

Esme:

Again, she’s a little upset that you don’t show how you feel

Mostly she’s just worried that you’re gonna end up being emotionally constipated like Pre-Bella Edward

She does not want to deal with that again

Over the years, she’s gotten both more relaxed and more concerned

More relaxed because she’s come to realize that that’s just how you are

More concerned because you would really think that your SO would show some kind of emotion over the span of so many years

But whatever

She tries not to worry too much

Esme had recently joined a local book club with some of the other moms in their newest town

She loved her little group of friends, it gave her an excuse to leave the house

One of the girls had a birthday coming up, and Esme decided to bake her a cake

You’re sitting at the kitchen island, soft music playing from the radio as Esme floats around the room

All of the ingredients litter the counters, looking out of place in the normally empty kitchen

She’s humming as she’s whisking the eggs and milk together

You’re content just to watch her, making occasional small-talk in between phases of her concentrating

Hours later, it’s finally done

Nothing too extravagant, a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and delicate lettering of the woman’s name on top

Esme’s standing behind her creation with a huge smile on her face, pride obvious in her expression

Only she’s got something else on her face too

A little smear of the chocolate frosting right above her chin

You walk over to her, grabbing her face in your hands

She’s beaming at you, and you can’t help the small smile that makes its way onto your face as you wipe off the frosting

She stares at you for a moment with her mouth open, before she shoots you a loving gaze

“This suits you, darling, you should do it more”

And she kisses that smile right off

Carlisle:

He’s probably the least concerned

He’s met many people over his many years of life

No two people are exactly the same, and some people are really different

You don’t show emotion, that just makes you unique, it makes you you

So he’s not too worried

He questioned you briefly while you were still alive if you had depression or something like that

But after you said no, he let it up

Carlisle is sitting at his home desk, writing some papers for the clinic

He’s stressed, very visibly so

And you know exactly why

A new patient came in not too long ago, a young girl who he told you reminds him a lot of this girl he used to babysit when he was still alive

She’s incredibly ill and no one can figure out why

All of the tests show mixed results, the only concrete knowledge they have is that she’s dying

The dark circles under his eyes are prominent

He hasn’t gone hunting since the girl arrived by ambulance one night over two weeks ago

And before that he hadn’t hunted in a while

His skin is greying, his motions are visibly slower, his reactions more delayed

Even at this state, he’s in better condition than most humans, but this is not the man you know

Which is why you’re here with him

You’ve been trying to convince him to go hunting for a while, to just take a break and rest, but he won’t listen

So you’ve resorted to just hanging out with him

It’s better than nothing after all

But as you look over his shoulder to see what he’s writing, you find that you can’t make anything out

Various letters of English words are mixed in with Greek and Chinese characters, accent marks hover over letters, and the punctuation is all messed up

“Carlisle… is that a new language you made up?”

He stops for a second, sets his pen down, and really looks at what he’s been writing for the last 10 minutes

And then he just starts laughing

And you can’t help but smile too

“Are you finally gonna admit defeat and come relax for a little bit?”

He spins around to face you, fully taking in the smile on your face, before rising to place a kiss on your forehead

“Fine, let’s go cuddle”

Vampire! Bella:

She thinks you’re freaky

She’s always been a bad liar, so she can’t hold back reactions even if she wanted to

You can’t seem to react even if you wanted to

She thinks it’s so weird

She’s tried her hardest over the years to get something-anything out of you, but nada

She’s sort of given up by now

You two are out hunting

She insisted on running all the way to New Mexico to find a cougar, so off you went

You’re running through the trees, dodging branches and leaping over roots as you both follow on the tail of your prey

“Go that way, I’ll go this way, and we’ll trap it”

“Got it” you said, and veered off to the right

You managed to come up on the side of the cougar, pouncing on it and taking it down after a bit of a struggle

Only, you noticed Bella was nowhere to be seen

You left your now dead food behind to go searching for her

All it took was one call of her name for you to hear a response… very very far away

“Where the hell are you?”

“Down here!”

You looked down over the cliff’s edge to see Bella at the bottom

Dirt on her face, twigs in her hair, and her high heeled boots broken

You couldn’t help but laugh

“Really? That’s what it takes you fucking asshole? Me falling off a cliff? Oh, you’re so dead when I get up there!”

So naturally you make a run for it

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