#woflstar au

[lumosinlove]

Christmas Eve Will Find Me

Six: Sirius

Church Ruin

Athens, Greece

Sirius knew him by voice, snatched by the wind as it was from his place on the cliffs with James. They were smoking. They almost never did it, but Sirius had seen death today—on himself and on others. They were allowed one.

Now, that cigarette was in danger of burning all of the grasses around them. He’d dropped it at the first word.

“Me neither,” he’d heard.

James hadn’t. He was studying his cigarette with a frown. “I’m not even sure I like these things—”

Sirius put a hand out and James was silent in a moment. He did, however, move his foot over and stamp out Sirius’ smoke.

Quiet. Quiet. Nothing. He’d imagined it. He’d imagined it. Sirius closed his eyes.

“How do you know my name,” the voice came again. “But I don’t know yours?”

“Oh,” James whispered.

Sirius eased himself into a crouch. He stared up at the wall. He could see someone’s shoulder. Brown jacket, no where near warm enough for the weather. Too big, like it belonged to someone else. The voice. That voice.

Leo said, “You know your name?”

Sirius crept forward just a little farther, rising back to his feet to see more clearly. Please. Every piece of him was begging.

Remus, smiling at him from across a table. “You’ll miss me during our next off-time. Don’t deny it.”

Remus with a steady hand on his bicep. “Just try and sleep, Si. Just try.”

“It was the first thing that came back,” this Remus said now. “Or I should say the only thing. The only sure thing.”

“But…how did you find us?” Leo asked the question gently, as if he thought Remus might bolt.

For all Sirius knew, he would. If Logan’s violence towards Finn was anything to go by, he could. But, then again, Remus had never been predictable. Not from the very first day they met. Sirius had thought he might be quiet and shy before that sharp grin came out of him. Both of Remus’ shoulders were in Sirius sightline now. He stood the same. His hair was a little longer, but the same color. The color Sirius had chased through the streets.

He doesn’t know you. He doesn’t know you.

Now he could see into the alcove. Leo. Finn. Logan was awake and staring up at Remus from where he sat against the wall. Finn had bruises beginning to form around the pale skin of his neck and James made an alarmed sound. Those hadn’t been there an hour ago.

“Why?” Logan said. “I didn’t. I don’t know anything.”

“That’s not true,” Remus said. “Don’t tell me you never had dreams.”

Logan looked at Finn, lips parted.

“What were yours?” Leo asked. When Sirius looked at him, he found Leo looking back. It made Remus whip around. A large wave crashed below them and Sirius imagined he could feel the prickles of salt water.

A vision. An illusion. Fuzzy at the edges. The sea sounds bled into his heartbeat and Remus was standing there right in front of him with the light slanting across his eyes and turning them to glass. For a moment, Sirius thought he would sink. Right off the cliffside.

“You,” Remus said. He didn’t move. Not even a little. “I see you.”

His nose began to bleed. Sirius watched it trace near the corner of his mouth before he raised a thumb to wipe it away.

“You,” Remus said again. He stepped forward. One step. Two step. Sirius’ world tilted backwards, forwards, any which way just to keep him in focus. He realized he wasn’t breathing when his lungs burned, when Remus was right in front of him and Sirius could see body heat in the flush of his cheeks, pink against the cold. “Who are you?”

Sirius nearly closed his eyes. All the dread he’d been pushing down soared.

“Are you in pain now?” Sirius heard himself say.

“Yes,” Remus said.

Sirius thought of how affected Logan had been. Remus was hardly flinching.

“Who are you?” Remus asked again.

“Sirius.” 

“We work together.” James said. “All of us. Can you tell me where?”

After a moment of sizing James up, Remus shook his head.

Logan, from within the building, suddenly said, “Malfoy.”

All eyes went to him. Logan had his head back against the wall. His nose was bleeding, rather heavily, his eyes squeezed shut. Finn’s hands jumped towards him.

“Logan—”

“Malfoy,” Logan repeated through his teeth. “Malfoy, what does that…Is that a name?”

“Stop,” Leo said suddenly. He crouched down in front of Logan, then looked back at Remus. “Don’t push yourselves. We can’t have anyone passing out right now. Remus, sit down.”

Remus laughed, and it startled Sirius so much that he had to reach out and put a hand against the rough stone wall.

“I didn’t follow you here for you not to give me some answers.”

“About that,” Leo said. He had handed Logan a cloth for his nose. “How did you find us?”

“It started at the café,” Remus said. “I dreamed the name and…” He caught Sirius’ eye. And what? And what else? “And I saw you. And you saw me. And then you chased me.”

Sirius could only nod. He was still trying to breathe. “You ran.”

“The last thing I remember is waking up on a fishing boat with two bullets in my back.” Remus raised his eyebrows. “Yes. I ran.”

“I think we need to get out of here,” James said. “You know. We could memory lane somewhere a little safer, say, not this city where Salazar sent Archer for us.”

“Salazar,” Logan said softly. He was looking at Finn still. “But…not you. You’re different.”

Finn looked a little wide-eyed as he shook his head.

“Okay, I really don’t like all this blood,” Leo said. He looked up at James. “You’re right. Let’s go.”

+++

Sirius followed the others to the train station in a fog. He barely looked at the tickets he booked until they were walking down a narrow train that was on its way to Amsterdam. Far away, James had said.

“Two day train ride,” Finn said. He was walking very close to Logan, closer than even the small corridor required, but Logan didn’t seem to mind. There was none of the fight or flight that had been simmering within him for the last few days. He looked exhausted. Confused. “We don’t have our luggage.”

“Welcome to the life,” James said. “Don’t worry.” He shook a plastic bag at him. “I picked up the necessities.”

“I don’t know if I want to know what you think the necessities are,” Leo mumbled.

For Sirius, their words came through something like cotton.

Remus’ shoulders were right in front of him. Moving. Breathing. Shifting. Chin turning up to look for their sleeping car.

He’d come with them easily. Much easier than Logan. So easy that it made Sirius nervous—James, too, he could tell. Almost suspicious. He was quiet and watchful, but he seemed to believe that they were friend not foe. Maybe he knew enough, or felt enough from those memories to believe something. Remus stopped and turned around—and caught Sirius looking.

“These are our three cabins,” Remus said. He looked right at Sirius. It felt like a dare, but Sirius didn’t know what the dare was.

The doors were old-fashioned, painted a dark red. Through the small, golden-edged windows Sirius could see narrow bunk-beds for two, a small sink and mirror, and that the far wall was all window.

“Wow. Two a room, two a room,” James sing-songed, opening the far door. “Well, good Lord, come on over to my house Leo-Leo—oh, hey, this is very nice.”

Sirius’ entire mouth was dry. This was too strange. Remus alive. Remus—here. Remus, breathing and sleeping right beside him, all night, as they escaped to Amsterdam. Remus didn’t look back at him, though. He just went into the middle room, letting the door shut behind him. Sirius stared at it.

“If you’re my—” Logan said haltingly, opening the first door a crack by its shining brass handle. He looked at Finn. “I guess that means…us?”

“I—” Finn had a bright flush on his cheeks. “True. I mean yes.”

Sirius watched them go and listened to the door snick shut. A conductor called something out to the platform and Sirius looked down one end of the aisle, then the other. Nothing. No one was there. Still, the back of his neck prickled. Leo took a shaky breath from beside him.

“I can’t believe it,” Leo whispered. “I can’t…I can’t believe it.”

Sirius turned towards the window. The platform was clearing. No one. He saw no one.

“What’s happening?” he said softly to Leo.

Leo sighed, casting a glance towards the door Finn and Leo had disappeared into.

“There’s some sort of…God, I don’t even know what to call it, a signal block maybe? Controlling the memory. Caused before the tracker was taken out. Which,” Leo sighed. “I don’t know if they know who did that.”

“How’d Logan break through it do you think?” How do I get Remus to come back to me? He would take a minute. He would take a second of Remus looking at him. Sirius.

Leo blew out a breath, shaking his head. “I don’t know. The mind’s a powerful thing, memory most of all. I’d say Finn was a strong enough memory that something got through. But it triggered a lot of pain. That must be part of this. To… I don’t know, to keep the subject from trying too hard to remember.”

“Right.”

Leo’s eyes widened a little. “Not that—not that you’re not a trigger for Remus.”

Sirius slid his eyes over to the door. Remus was behind it, he had just seen him walk through, but was he? Or had he disappeared again. “I didn’t say I would be.”

“Sirius—”

“How do we stop the pain?”

“I wish I knew. I really…really don’t like the look of the blood.”

“Me neither,” Sirius said.

“Should one of us be with Logan instead of…I mean in case he tries to hurt Finn again?”

“I don’t think he will,” Sirius said. He was surprised to find that he believed it. Or maybe he was being too hopeful, wanting to stay with Remus. Wanting to never let him out of his sight again.

“Right,” Leo said slowly. “Well…I think you have to go in now.”

Sirius cleared his throat. “Mhm.”

“He dreams of you.”

Sirius closed his eyes. He took a breath. He looked down the hallway, both ways, then out at the platform. He checked his weapons. He opened the door.

[dewitty1]

Led by Light of a Star Sweetly Gleaming

wolfpants @wolfpants

Chapters: 11/11 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin Characters: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Benjy Fenwick, Marlene McKinnon, Orion Black, James Potter, Regulus Black, Fabian Prewett, Emmeline Vance, Caradoc Dearborn Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, 1960s, Romance, Strangers to Lovers, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Period Typical Attitudes, University, Department Store, Lawyer Sirius Black, Student Remus Lupin, Archaeology, Museums, Oxford, London, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, English Countryside, 1960s Music, Mutual Pining, Secret Relationship, Recreational Drug Use, Gay Remus Lupin, Gay Sirius Black, Rimming, Pining, Pining Sirius Black, Pining Remus Lupin, 1960s culture, Angst with a Happy Ending

Summary:

The man stretches over the counter on one forearm. “Mr S.O. Black,” he says, and it’s then that Remus thinks that he can smell him: a rich, musky sort of smell, like woodsmoke and vetiver.

As Mr Black recites his address – a sprawling estate out in the sticks, of course – Remus jots out the details on his invoice with a hand that is surprisingly steady. All the while, he feels those cool grey eyes on him, probably, disappointingly, seeing Remus as nothing more than what he is: a temporary, unsophisticated stock boy student in need of a few extra bob over the seasonal break.

-

Remus Lupin is a student and temporary sales assistant at Oxford's finest department store when a mysterious, handsome young man by the name of Sirius Black enters his life and introduces him to a world of sprawling country estates, parties, and London's underground bar scene. A 1960s Wolfstar AU with lots of music, smoking, fine interiors, and, of course, romance.

Excerpt:

Falling asleep feels almost impossible. He moves this way and that, and when his mind finally decides it’s had enough of running around in circles and he’s finally allowed to let himself go, he hears a soft thud outside, followed by a creak. Louder, and more real than last night’s strange noises.

Remus opens his eyes and listens in. Footsteps, unmistakable, out in the hallway.

And the soft call of his name.

“Remus?”

He sits upright in the narrow cot, bedsprings creaking beneath him, the heavy down duvet ruffling. He clears his scratchy throat. “I’m awake.”

The doors edges open, and Sirius stands behind it, the dark outline of him leaning against the handle where he grasps it in one hand.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius whispers. “I didn’t mean to wake you, I—”

“—I’m awake,” Remus says again, swallowing. “I was up. I’m—I couldn’t…” He trails off, his eyes adjusting in the dark, watching Sirius stand in the doorway like it’s the boundary between now, and later. The boundary between what if, and letting if happen.

Remus sits up. Slowly, boldly, he pushes the duvet off his chest, off of his legs. Sirius’s eyes travel his body, each movement of his roving gaze leaving a trail of heat in its wake.

“Remus,” Sirius whispers. “Can I—”

Remus nods quickly, and then in a few long strides, Sirius crosses the room and they find each other in the hazy midnight dim.

Sirius kisses him.

Long-fingered hands cradle Remus’s skull like it’s a precious thing, and Remus dizzily sinks back into the bedding where they slip toward each other like water and shore, the fizzle of froth against sand. Lips against lips and the promise of an exchange of heat as Remus opens his mouth beneath Sirius’s and lifts his body upward, feeling the stirring of him against his thigh, the beginnings of a hardening line through the thin material of his pyjamas.

Sirius moans into their open-mouthed kisses and when Remus echoes him, Sirius’s fingers press down against his jaw, against his chin, splaying out wide as a thumb rubs the vulnerable column of his throat where his heartbeat flutters and thrums wildly under skin.

Sirius.

With a low groan of effort, Sirius slips his mouth away from Remus’s and looks down at him, eyes dark, lips kiss-swollen. His hair swings forward to tickle at Remus’s face, and Remus reaches up to card his fingers through it, to finally let himself know what it feels like as it slips through his knuckles like silk.

And then Sirius drops his forehead fully against Remus’s, barely holding himself above him, and he whispers, “You’ve no idea how much I want to worship you.”

Good Lord.

₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡

[lolairos-mental-illness]

this fic should have more apreciation

0 notas

[4uru]

I am the new Prometheus.

Greatest compliment as a fanfic writer is personal death threats from your best friend after you force them to read your angsty unfinished fics.

[sliebman10]

Woflstar, and library AU

Sirius found the book he wanted and brought it to the checkout desk.

"I want to check this out," he said as the librarian turned around.

The tall, golden librarian covered his hand with his own. "Good choice."

[atlasdoe]

Slytherin Horcrux Hunters

btw this is part three so if you haven't read them yet you can find part one here and part two here :)

So the gang are now on the run because the death eaters think they’re working for the ministry and the ministry think they’re working for the death eaters

I’ve come to realise that its rather hard to find out what the horcruxes are without Harry seeing shit

And unfortunately neither Regulus James Dorcas or Remus are horcruxes

But how cool would it be if they were

But let’s say the locket gave them a clue

cause plots gotta plot

and this clue leads them to the location of the cup

it takes them a while to figure this out though and only realise what it means while arguing over what they’re having for dinner

James wants to go to a diner but Dorcas says it’ll be too risky and Remus says they need to save what money they have to which Regulus replies “Me and James are two of the richest wizards we don’t need to worry about money.” to which Remus replied “Yeah and all that money is in Gringotts which has the most security ever it’ll be impossible to break into”

light bulb moment

yes, these idiots are breaking into gringotts

cause they’re idiots

they don’t know which vault it’s in though so they gotta do some investigating to try to find out whos Voldemort's most trusted follower is

they do this investigating in Knockturn alley where they go round asking about Voldy with hoods on to try to cover their identity

somehow they don't get caught but do come out of this with some very important information

1) On Christmas Eve Voldemort is holding a ball for all purebloods where he will speak and convince people to join his side of the war

and 2) That Bellatrix is hopelessly in love with Voldemort and there's nobody he trusts more

They all agree that they should go to the ball and look around for horcruxes when they get their

but for now they need to find a way to get into Bellatrix's vault

While they come up with a plan Remus does some research and reckons that if one of the horcruxes is Slytherin's locket and another is Hufflepuffs cup then theres a chance that two of the others may have something to go with Gryffindor and Ravenclaw

Luckily for them they know some Gryffindors and Ravenclaws 

So Remus writes to Sirius and asks him and Marlene (who is a Ravenclaw here btw) to look around and see what he can find

Sirius has to convince Marlene that this is actually for the greater good and that they’re not working for Voldemort like the Ministry said but she’s on board and the two of them along with Frank, Emmeline and Lily do some snooping

The snooping is effective and they find the diadem

They agree that Sirius and Marlene will also sneak into Voldemort's ball to give the Slytherins the diadem so they can destroy it

But before any of that can happen they have a stupid plan to execute 

one which involves the help of our good friend Barty Crouch Jr

All they have to do to get Barty on board is tell him that if they succeed it’ll piss off his father

So Barty sneaks out of Hogwarts to help him

He tells the goblin that he’s there to take money out of his own vault

But Regulus and James are following him under the invisibility cloak and stun the goblin once they’re alone 

Once they have they let Remus and Dorcas in (don’t ask me how they just do theres got to be a back door or something)

The five of them split up in look for Bellatrix's vault

When they find it they use something probably that Dorcas made to get in and steal the cup (i'm still working out the details)

And for good measure they let Barty destroy this one as a thank you (they don’t tell him that he’s destroying Voldemort tho)

So another part of Voldemort is dead, Barty goes back to school and nobody ever finds out they were there because they're just that good

And before you know it Christmas Eve is upon us

Luckily for our ot4 death eaters are cowards and wear masks

and they turn up looking FINE

Sirius and Marlene are also there and hand the diadem off

Wolfstar get a cute moment where they are reunited after not seeing each other for almost half a year

And Dorlene get a cute moment of respecting each other and are one step closer to becoming the badass power couple that we know and love

If you're wondering where starchaser is well they're a bit more complicated

During their little treasure hunt they're starting to notice that the feelings they have for each other is anything but platonic

Unfortunately for them James is still with Lily

He thinks it’ll be too harsh to break up with her over letter and even hopes that she’ll come with Sirius and Marlene just so he can end the relationship and be with Regulus

Regulus on the other hand is convinced that James is head over heels in love with Lily and is trying to get over his feelings 

So during the ball Regulus thinks “might as well have a good time” and spends a lot of time with Barty who is there with Evan Rosier and his family

and James is JEALOUS

But he doesn't have time to dwell on it too much because they've got horcruxes to find.

James and Remus are sent looking through the massive mansion that the party is held in to try to find anything while Dorcas and Regulus are spending their time at the party bit and making sure nothing goes wrong there

Dorcas even starts feeling bold and catches a dance with Voldemort himself 

Dorcas is stunning obviously and Voldemort lets his guard down a little and lets it slip that he has a pet snake who he's very fond of

Meanwhile Remus finds the diary and destroys it easily

James also finds the ring but can’t destroy it yet because Remus has the venom

And he’s just about to go and fine Remus when he hears a commotion going on downstairs

somebody's blabbed and the ministry found out about the ball

Technically they can't arrest anyone for simply listening to Voldemort so most of the people there get let off

But the ones who know they’re in the shit took off to a panic room including Evans parents

Evan drags Barty to follow, Barty drags Reguls to follow and Regulus drags Dorcas to follow

unfortunately Remus and James aren't so lucky and the aurors catch them

 And the both of them are arrested

but dont worry too much because Dorcas and Regulus aren’t arrested

BUT Barty does accidently rat them out to Voldermore

It wasn’t Bartys fault because he thought that they were working on Voldemort's orders

but he put them in the shit and now the death eaters have them

SO just to catch up the Ministry have James and Remus, the death eaters have Dorcas and Regulus and this is where I’m leaving you until part four :)

Cliffhanger i know but part four should be up either tomorrow or the day after (maybe even later today if im feeling it)

Until them pls tell me what you think id really appreciate it :)

heres part four :)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39098877/chapters/97810197

[purplbear]

How to dream of Sirius and Remus: read some EverybodyLivesAU and Modern-AU right before bed. Dream of Sirius and Remus baking, exploring a house by the sea, and spelunking. Wait, I don’t remember reading a spelunking story.

I’ve read those first two - but never heard of them exploring caves. So there’s your prompt! Sirius and Remus go spelunking. And EverybodyLives!

[wolfstarlibrarian]

Hello ! Can you recommend some long fics cause I've got waýyyyyyyyyyy to much free time !

The Librarian is delighted to hear you’ve got even more time for reading! Below is a list of long fics in descending length (word counts are above each title), that should help fill your days with some woflstar love.

Long Wolfstar Fics 

526k All the Young Dudes by @atyd-wolfstar

LONG fic charting the marauders' time at Hogwarts (and beyond) from Remus' PoV - diversion from canon in that Remus's father died and he was raised in a children's home, and is a bit rough around the edges. Otherwise canon-compliant. 1971 - 1995

259k Momentum by Children_of_the_Shadows

An epic tale of Remus and Sirius's lives, starting from the very beginning. A love that carries on through trials, tribulations, and war. AU towards the end, just before October 31st.

176k Blends by rvltn909

Words got in the way sometimes, but Remus got the sense Sirius knew what he was trying to say. Another coffee shop au.

175k Remain in Light by @veeagainsttheday

What if Sirius Black didn't die? It's been done many times. Here's my take on it.

167k

Source Codes by @fluorescentgrey-blog

In 1993, Remus Lupin figures out how to escape from Azkaban.

110k Palo Alto by @bisexualjamespotter

Modern AU set in Silicon Valley. It's easy for Sirius to ignore his mixed-up feelings while he's got Remus all to himself, but when Remus starts dating again, Sirius is forced to figure things out before Remus moves on for good. Or before James and Peter strangle them both.

109k Currents by @quoththethestral

Remus Lupin and Sirius Black arrive in Sydney to compete in the Summer Olympics, both intent on making these games a better experience than the last. The two swimmers have a tumultuous history and intense rivalry, but can America’s golden boy and Great Britain’s notorious bad boy put their past behind them and find some common ground?

105k Time is a Fine Invention by bluepeony

Sirius Black expected university to be simple; a medley of moonlight trysts and Good Times. What he didn't expect was the yearning for home, the strains on his friendships, or falling for the hot-tempered History student Remus Lupin.

105k Wolf, Wolf by sebastianL (felix_atticus)

Remus lives a quiet life after the war. He works on his book, thinks of the past, and spends all his spare moments with Sirius. It all seems so perfect. Only when have things ever been perfect? A story of friendship, loss, second chances, and a complicated love that endures beyond reason.

75k In Love and War by PukingPastilles, shoebox_addict

In the summer of 1976, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black finally stopped circling each other. Then the war began and turned their lives upside down.

Find our previous post with long wolfstar at hogwarts fics here.

[fvckyouimaprophet]

Fanfic questions! 2, 3, 5, 10, 11, 16, 21, 25, 33, and 35!

thank you for sending in so many, ash! 😱 i’ve put them under a cut!! 

2. why do you write fanfiction?

i generally love writing, but fanfic definitely takes less energy than original fiction, and it’s a nice perk that you kinda have a built-in audience. also, i just love the feeling of taking certain characters and ships and exploring those dynamics in 50 different scenarios. i feel like there’s something really thrilling because there’s something familiar, yet they still feel new and different every time. at least, that’s my hope when people read it!

3. what do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

oh geez. i’m not really sure! uhh, i think i’m able to capture the beats in a conversation and write banter pretty okay. i don’t know if that makes it stand out necessarily though, ha.

5. what’s the fic you’re most proud of?

oh, hmmm. oneshot would probably be nobody loves me (like you do), which i wrote this year. and multichap (and maybe overall) would definitely be colorblind. 

funnily enough, they’re both soulmate aus, which i didn’t realize until i looked at both names side-by-side.

10. what’s your favorite genre to write for?

the general broad world of aus is my fave. if i do canon-compliant, it’s usually anyway a future fic. more specifically, if we’re talking about tropes, i’d say slowburn fics with lots of yearning that really center on one character’s emotional state, as written through a third-person omniscient pov. i know that’s not a genre, but oh well.

11. who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

answered here.

16. any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

ooh, hmm. i am pretty unabashed with my interests. i guess tattoo artist aus or punk aus are kinda silly and have a very romance novel idea of a bad boy, but i do really love them.

21. favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

answered here.

25. have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

i’ve wanted to expand on my woflstar drabble where remus is hitchhiking home, and he gets in the car with sirius, who is a band member for his favorite band. it ends right before they go on a date. 

for longer fics, i'd have to go with all summer long. it's anyway a character study of draco more than anything else, but i think it'd be cool to have a fic set before the events of all summer long that really just is about his life adapting post-war. you'd see more of his job as a healer, his relationship with his mom, the surveillance tabs aurors keep on him and what that does to his mental health. 

i’ve never done a pure character study without a ship, and i think it’d be challenging in a really fun way.

33. is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

i sprinkle so much of both me and my interactions with people into my fics. it’s... a lot. but i feel like having small, really concrete details like that makes characters feel more real. and if it’s about an interaction with someone, it’s frequently done almost as a love letter (platonic or romantic) to the person with whom i had the interaction.

35. ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

i honestly have never been super into the trope “but there was only one bed,” and i don’t know why! it sounds like exactly the sort of cute trope that easily lends itself to both friends-to-lovers and enemies-to-lovers, but i’ve yet to read a fic where it didn’t feel shoehorned.

i think part of it is that so many of those fics take place over one night, and before the characters share a bed, they tend to be oblivious. i adore a well-done obliviously-in-love trope, but it feels kinda forced and too quick when add all those details together. while i like a sort of “sudden realization” (the “oh. oh.” trope) in a slow burn, i’m not huge on it if you don’t get it in the context of their larger relationship

also, while the ones where they’re forced to share a bed for an extended period of time make more sense, the reasoning always feels a little flimsy when. it’s always like, “we’ll be at this hotel for two weeks, and in that time, there won’t be a single cot available.”

i know i’m not supposed to bring logic into fics, and that frequently sucks the joy and fun out of them, but i feel almost guilty for not being into the one bed trope since it’s so, so incredibly popular. 

[unfortunatelyimaginary]

My Favorite Fanfic Tropes

@blitheringmcgonagall tagged me to list my favorite Wolfstar fanfiction tropes to read or write (in no particular order). I’ve decided to do five more general and five more specific. Thank you friend. It’s nice to have something fun and fictional to think about.

1. Historical/Mythological AUs - I was a history major in undergrad and have loved myths, legends, and fairytales since I was small. If they can be made gay and with some characters whose characterizations I really enjoy then all the better!

2. Honest Portrayals of Trauma - I’ve been through some shit, and appreciate reading characters who have been through some shit as well dealing with that shit in realistic ways.

3. Sibling Relationships/Found Family - I die for close platonic relationships. Adopted siblings, found family, siblings who have each other’s backs no matter what, best friends who would give anything for each other, you get the picture.

4. Contrasts in Characteristics/Ideologies - I love reading interactions between characters who are very different and interpret their experiences in very different ways, but fit together and support each others’ weaknesses.

5. Queer with a Happy Ending - I like happy endings. I like dark stories, I like angst and pain, but for me I need it to end happy. The real world has so much trauma and sadness and chaos, I want to read a fictional universe where no matter how dark it is I *know* they will get through it.

Specific to Woflstar

6. Canon Alteration AUs where things end ok for them - I don’t care if it’s first or second war, just give me a version where things end ok.

7. Sirius as effusive, Remus as outwardly reserved - both of these being different reactions to trauma in my personal headcanon. 

Sirius (pre-Azkaban) dealing with trauma by making a joke of it all - “yah, life is just fun like that isn’t it?”. He moves a lot when he’s upset - jumpy, agitated (subconsciously preparing to dodge a strike whether he knows it or not). His making a joke of everything can be very detrimental because he doesn’t stop to think - because if you stop to think then you have to think about all the other stuff and that is NOT an option.

Remus dealing with trauma by closing off - being very, extremely careful and always being in control of himself and his actions. Freaking out if he makes an emotional decision without thinking first because that could be dangerous and he could hurt someone. Always overthinking. I find it extremely precious when writers both present that and show him finding a space where he can trust and just exist without constantly panicking that he’ll mess up somehow.

8. Remus as awkwardly tall - For me it just adds to his discomfort with existence because he hates being the center of attention and is freaked out that he’ll be seen as scary/a threat. He unconsciously hunches over so it’s less obvious.

9. Sirius confidently being the opposite of everything his traditional, wealthy, pureblood family wanted him to be - This is the reason I personally don’t like reading stories with a more dominant Sirius. Because that’s what was expected of him and personally I like to think he never wanted that. Regulus did - he wanted to be safe and for him that meant being isolated and stronger than anyone else, and so he could never understand why Sirius didn’t care about the status loss of being disowned. I like a Sirius who is by nature empathetic and emotional and couldn’t survive in a sphere where that was constantly belittled and considered inferior. The Marauders and his true family with James value that and give him a space where he can be himself confidently and unapologetically - societal norms be damned. I can argue this canonically if any of you come at me for liking a “feminine” Sirius, so don’t.

10. ALL the sibling relationships and happy queer characters - Give me all the siblings and found family, and all the queer characters. I love a good 1st war AU with Dorlene, Jily, and Wolfstar, and the more queer characters and representation added the better. 

Anyone who wants to do this please consider yourself tagged!

[lumosinlove]

Christmas Eve Will Find Me

Two: Sirius

Grimmauld Club

London, England

“Do you want to go get a burrito from that place?”

Sirius looked up from his desk. There were miles of paperwork. Mounds of things to do. A five AM flight to catch. God, did he even want to think about it? No. No, he didn’t, not with Remus Lupin looking at him like that. A smile. Hopeful. Sirius wasn’t sure what kind of hope it was. Two friends getting a beer and a meal after a shift? Or—

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “Brilliant, love to.”

Sirius could see himself sitting there, could see the mess of salsa and chips on his plate. Beans and rice that had fallen out. Each time he went back to that tiny restaurant—alone, no one else could know about it, it was theirs—he’d kept looking at the door. He had to stop doing that, they would think he was going to make a run for it. It was ridiculous, him thinking that if he just stared long enough then Remus might walk in. Cash only here, forgot. Just popped to the machine. Flash him a smile. We’re set now.

They’d stayed too long that night. Far too close to their flight. They hadn’t had a thing to drink but Sirius had felt like he had by the end, cheeks hurting from smiling. They’d stood up at the same time, go-bags in hand. So sure of themselves. Such a team. We’ll have to find at least some time to see the sights in Athens—

“You with me, Si?” James’ voice said.

The waiter had just set their drinks down, vest nearly matching the blue-black velvet walls of The Grimmauld Club. Somehow, it was their favorite even though they were never dressed properly for it. Dirty looks for their lack of jacket and tie, but the whiskey was good, they could see all the exits, and the club had their own reasons for letting them get away with it. The club knew who they worked for, at least in theory.

On my way. Remus’ voice said in his mind. Then his own voice. I’ve got you from above.

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “Sorry.”

James had invited him to stay over at his flat last night. Finn, too. Finn had had too many questions and questions weren’t a good fit for a night alone. Sirius hadn’t slept well, squeezed onto the guest bed next to Finn. He’d had the thought that Finn probably hadn’t slept in the same bed as someone since Logan’s death, and then he just couldn’t shake it. Finn had slipped out early in the morning though, because when Sirius opened his eyes he was alone.

“Sorry I’m late,” said a voice from behind them. Accented. American, but not like Finn’s. Louisiana.

Sirius saw James look up first. There was a familiar flash of bright blond hair, a beat up looking computer bag was slung onto the ground, and Leo Knut sat in the chair beside him.

Leo looked between the two of them, then sent a skeptical roll of his eyes around the club. “Didn’t think they were going to let me in.”

James flashed him a small smile. “I think you still forget who you work for sometimes.”

“Oh? And who might that be?”

James’ smile turned wry. “Oh, traffic control of London, of course.”

“Of course.” Leo did laugh, but his eyes were steady when he looked at Sirius. “So, you’ve told Finn.”

“Yeah.”

“Right before wheels up?”

“Yeah.” Sirius knew he would have to go back to his apartment for his bag. But sometimes that one pot in the kitchen stared at him so vividly he thought he would die. Sirius, honestly, you can’t live on take away. Let me make you something.

“What did Finn say?”

“He had a proper freak, to be honest,” James said. “It hurt to watch.” He sent Sirius a sideways look. “He got his hopes up way to fast.”

“So did I,” Sirius said. “Didn’t you?”

James set his glass down hard. “Yeah, but off of a photograph. We’ve got nothing besides that.” Nothing on Logan, he meant.

Leo leaned forward. “Where is he now? His courses are all finished, you can’t just drop that—”

A waiter came up and looked primly at Leo. “May I get you anything, Mr. Knut?”

“Uh—” Leo blinked up at him. “I—just a—what they’re having.”

Sirius saw the waiter give Leo, and his baby face, a skeptical look, but he gave a slight bow and turned away.

“It wasn’t my idea to tell him,” James said. “Sirius insisted.”

“No,” Leo said. “I’m glad you told him, but you can’t just tell him and leave him in the dark.”

“He slept over,” James protested.

“What choice do we have?” Sirius said. “We don’t know anything else, and we’re going to be out of reach. He’ll have to wait.”

Leo scoffed. “Hey, your husband is alive, see you later?”

“May be. May be alive.”

“Before you go shouting at us,” James said. “What exactly are you doing to speed up the process?”

“All that I can,” Leo said. “My facial recognition program is what found Remus.”

Leo’s drink was set down before him, but Leo paid it no mind. He just sent a glance towards the hallway with a simple WC and an arrow on the wall in golden stencil.

That was the other good thing about Grimmauld. It had some very interesting rooms.

James sighed, but made to get up. “They really shouldn’t have put it near the bathrooms. It makes it look like we’re all going to go together.”

Leo’s back room was full of blinking lights and wide monitors.

“Look,” Leo said as he swung into his chair. He clicked around a bit, then pulled up a video file. “This is what the still you saw is from.”

Sirius leaned forward alongside James as Leo hit play. The video had been frozen on a crowded street, not as cropped as they had seen at Salazar. This time, they had to wait for Remus to walk into frame.

“There.” Leo pointed, but Sirius hadn’t needed to be told. He would recognize him anywhere, it didn’t matter how grainy the footage was. He would know his gait. He would know the tilt of his head. Remus eyes were more like blurs, even with Leo’s enhancing technology, but Sirius knew their gold color.

God, Sirius had missed seeing the way Remus walked.

Leo’s finger hit the space bar the moment Remus turned his head. It was close. They could have missed him. He’d only turned when he was almost out of frame, just looking before he crossed the street. Nothing strange, nothing unusual, besides the fact that he was a walking memory. Sirius scanned the background, looking for any eyes on him, but there was nothing. A fruit vendor. The bank whose camera it was. A man putting his wallet away. Someone sitting reading a newspaper at a café table. A mother holding the hands of two children, one of them crying.

“And Logan?” James asked.

“Nothing,” Leo said softly. His voice held some of the hurt that had been in Finn’s voice. Sirius wondered about that sometimes and ached for Leo. “He’s still a ghost. If they’re together, I can’t tell. Or Logan hasn’t been out like Remus has.”

Sirius and James exchanged a look. “Out?”

“If they had really been in Athens all this time, I would have seen them. A camera would have picked them up long before this. And they would have found us if they could.”

“So, what, you think they escaped some type of captivity?”

“Or just Remus. I don’t know. But it’s possible.” Leo frowned. “Why do you think they haven’t contacted us?”

James let out a tired breath and put a hand on Leo’s shoulder. “If we knew that, don’t you think you would know by now, too?”

They drew their chairs close together and stared the footage down, looking for anything to go on. They looked up shop names and got the street name. Lisiou. They clocked nearby hotels, but Remus could have been coming from anywhere, could have taken a bus or a car. He looked clean. Showered and shaven. They watched the footage over and over. Remus appeared from the South and turned his head just as he was almost out of frame, going North.

“Pause it,” Sirius said suddenly. When Leo complied, he pointed. “There’s writing on his t-shirt. Can you make it out?”

“He could have picked it up from anywhere,” James said thoughtfully. “But it’s still something. He definitely wasn’t wearing it when…”

The room quieted, even chilled, until Leo cleared his throat and enhanced the image.

“Shit,” James said when half of a word came into view. “It’s all Greek to me.”

“It’s kind of twisted, but…” Leo frowned and pulled up the Greek alphabet. He went to work matching the letters, and, somehow, the bottom text box began matching them to the nearest English equivalent. “Pi…Piraeus. Piraeus?” Leo muttered the word to himself a few more times before typing it in. “It’s a myth—a city. It’s a bank—though not the one that caught him. And it’s a port.” He pulled up a separate map. “A harbor, there.”

Sirius leaned back. “That’s not too far. That’s a half hour ride at most.”

“We don’t know it actually—”

“We don’t know anything,” Sirius said. “But we start there.” He glanced at the computer clock. “We should get to the airport.”

As they made to go, Leo stopped Sirius with a hand on his arm. His blue eyes looked painfully young just then. Afraid. They weren’t supposed to show fear.

“Sirius,” Leo whispered.

James didn’t stop, too. He knew when someone needed a second. That was the beauty of James.

“I don’t know, Leo,” Sirius answered before Leo could ask.

Leo asked anyway. “Do you think Logan is…”

It wasn’t something he spoke about. It wasn’t something he wanted in his head more than it already was. He didn’t want the tragedy coating his tongue, he didn’t want it blocking his throat.

“I thought I saw both of them…” Sirius swallowed. Die. “Go. I thought…”

Sirius thought maybe Leo was going to press, but he didn’t. He nearly deflated a step backwards. He sank back into his chair with a nod.

“Okay.”

Sirius put a hand on the doorframe. “Are you…”

“I’m gonna stay here a bit.” Leo looked like he was already pulling up footage of the port. Lupin, Remus and Tremblay, Logan typed into a program and the slide of code running fast through the room.

In the hallway, James jingled his keys in his pocket. “Coming to mine?”

“I should go home,” Sirius said. He ran a hand through his hair. He would take hot water while he could. A long shower, alone in the quiet. Who knew when they’d see it again. Safe houses were always safe, that didn’t mean they were always comfortable. “Gotta get my things.”

+++

It was always strange, being in London the night before a mission. There was, of course, the pesky thought that he’d never see this city again. But it looked different, too. The street lights were brighter. The fresh rain on the pavement smelled better. He’d stop for whatever take away of his choosing. They all knew him, the restaurants, but they didn’t at all, did they? He could remember their names, could spot the different take out bags on other customers form a block away. He could say his work kept him up late and smile and laugh with them.

“George,” Sirius said when he entered the small fish and chips shop. It smelled like vinegar and salty chips, frying fish and the paper they got wrapped in.

“Ah, my friend.” George reached across the table to shake Sirius’ hand, then proceeded in getting his unsaid order ready. Strong, capable hands that went through the motions of his life by memory and touch. Watching him made Sirius wish badly for something that familiar. “How are things?”

No one knew about Remus. It was hard to grieve when the only souls he could tell were right there stuck with him.

“Fine,” Sirius said. “The usual.” At least that wasn’t a lie. “How did Matt’s maths test go? He was nervous on Tuesday.”

“Oh, Jesus, what a kid.” George folded the paper expertly, whipping down the sticker with the shop’s logo on it to hold it closed. “Fucking worries about everything. Takes after his mother in that way—and in the way of getting all the answers right.”

“Good.” Sirius smiled and looked down to his wallet, but when he went to hold out his crumbled bills, George put a hand out and simply slid the food over.

“It’s on the house.” When Sirius looked up, alarmed, George shrugged. “No, no, no. Nope. Blame Christmas.”

“I can’t let you do that.” George’s shop was beloved by the neighborhood—his whole family was—but that didn’t mean business was easy.

“You can.” George hesitated. He rubbed a hand on his red beard, blue eyes honest. “If you don’t mind me saying, you’ve not looked your best lately. Matty’s is worried you’re going to, ah, disappear again.”

Disappear. This is what George’s ten year old son Matt called it when Sirius had to work. He was vague about it to them, but honestly probably more up-front than he should be. Five months was too long to pass as a business trip and there were only so many of the agents that could fake trades that took them to archaeologic digs. Sirius didn’t have a family. He didn’t have friends. It was enough for Salazar to expect him to simply lay low. Maybe it was their fault, then, that he’d made this mistake with Matt. He could still see himself crouching down in front of him. With his mother’s dark hair, he looked a little like Regulus had when he was little.

Sometimes, Sirius had said. Sometimes I just have to disappear for a while.

“Just for a bit,” Sirius said softly. He put his money away and picked up his meal. “Tell…Tell him goodbye for me, all right?”

George’s mouth pulled to the side, but he nodded. “All right. And what about Remus? Will we be seeing him around? Matty’s taken a real shining to him, too. It’s been a while.”

Two days ago, Sirius would have had to leave without answering. No. He’s dead. He’s dead, he’s dead, and I never—I never told him that I—

“Maybe.” Sirius flashed him a brief smile. Please, please, maybe.

“Gonna be back for Christmas?”

“Maybe not,” Sirius said. He held up the packet. “Thanks. Really. I’ve got to run.”

“All right.” George sighed and it sounded almost resigned. “All right but… If you need anything…Okay?”

Sirius nodded. “Okay. You, too.”

The bell above the shop door sent him right back.

“I like them,” Remus said. He had already torn open his packet and was munching on a chip with a satisfied smile. He bumped their shoulders together. “I also like you with them.”

“What does that mean?” Sirius had asked.

It had been cold like this then, too. Remus had been wearing a green beanie, pulled low.

“You smile more with them.”

Usually, before a flight, he didn’t sleep at all. He could tell himself he would sleep as he walked down his familiar street. He could take his keys out of his pocket as he opened the low iron gate and tell himself he was going to take a shower and fall right into bed. He could say all of this to himself, but he knew he would end up on his couch, staring at nothing in particular until he had to go.

Remus had changed some of that. For a moment. For a second. Get some sleep. Laying down beside him, tucking his hand beneath his own pillow. Just close your eyes.

God, Sirius had a single glimpse of a moment where he had thought his life might change for the better.

He looked up, preparing himself to face that same room, empty now.

Finn O’Hara was on his stoop.

“No,” Sirius said before he could ask.

Finn looked just as restless. “I’m coming with you.”

[artistformerlyknownasbutttrumpet]

For the author ask: 3 and 5 and 7 and 9 and 14 and 23 please (also yesdsss Cogito Ergo Sum I'm psyched!!)

3. In your opinion, what’s your best fic?

that’s hard to answer, not bc im so amazing or anything, but just bc they all have different merit. i actually think my Best fic is actually my xfiles wip, but if we’re talking strictly woflstar, i’d say “a wolf’s heart” is the best just bc it’s completed (even tho there are soooo many typos and soooo many em-dashes, and i’ve improved a lot as a writer since i finished it), and then “cogito ergo sum” bc the plot is way more interesting

5. Is there any fic that makes you super happy to reread and remember you wrote that?

i literally reread everything i write, and half the time i’m like “i am god” and half the time i’m like “who let me put this literal garbage out for public consumption?” with little to no in between

9. Have you ever written for a fandom without watching/reading/playing the source material?

absolutely not. half the time i get anxious even writing for fandoms i already know everything about, bc i fear inaccuracies that much. every time i make a mistake and someone points it out, or i realize it myself, i die inside and want to delete the entire thing. writing “a wolf’s heart” was so stressful bc i worked so hard on making things accurate, to the point that i would be like, balls deep in actual medical journals reading up on left ventrical assist devices, and even then i didn’t get everything right, and it K I L L S me

14. What’s the biggest change in your taste between when you started in fandom and today?

speaking to hp/wolfstar specifically, i prefer au a lot more than i used to. in fact, i’ll seek out au instead of canon stuff any day

23. What’s the nicest review you’ve ever gotten?

i get so many nice reviews, but my all-time favorite comment was actually an insult. it was someone on “a wolf’s heart” who told me my story read as a sappy korean soap opera, and i still laugh at that, bc it’s such a weirdly specific thing, and also kind of accurate 

(btw, block “ask games” if u don’t want to see this stuff)

[lumosinlove]

Between Fifth and You

(cw in tags)

~

chapter one

“Olives or twist?”

Sirius had to watch the barkeep’s mouth to make out the words beneath the pounding music, which meant Sirius caught the way his eyes skittered across his face almost fearfully. The sheer amount of obsidian in this place probably did nothing to lighten his features. Not to mention, few people knew how to look him in the eye.

“Twist,” he said.

The man nodded and flipped the bottle of gin until it dipped into a shot glass, the glass into the ice. Sirius watched until he was stirring the bitters in and a hand appeared on his shoulder, lips to his neck.

“Burn this,” Saint said, and plucked at Sirius’ shirt sleeve, rubbing the black material between his fingers. Sirius raised an eyebrow as he turned. Saint’s own shirt was unbuttoned half way down his hard chest, light brown skin warm in the flashing club lights. “You’ve worn it too many times.”

“Hello to you, too,” Sirius said. “I like this shirt.”

“I liked it two months ago,” Saint replied. “It’s September now, your highness.”

Sirius scoffed as the bartender slid him his drink.

“You gonna tell everyone the sun did that?” Sirius took a clean sip of gin with one hand and stroked his other through Saint’s gold curls, only suddenly some of the slightly course strands were almost white.

Saint’s grin turned coy. “Isn’t it nice to have a mystery to think about?”

“Oh, yeah, do blonds have more fun?”

“You wouldn’t know.”

The music kicked up a beat that Sirius felt through his spine.

“Why do we always come here?” he leaned a hip against the bar. “We have an entire city.”

“Yeah, fuck the rest of the world, we have one whole city.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

Saint shook his head. “Because that’s what we do. You see that guy over there? I’ve taken him out four times. Couldn’t tell you his name. They couldn’t tell you mine.”

“Everyone knows your name, Saint.”

Saint grinned. “Maybe. But why do we go back to each other? Because we’re creatures of fucking habit.” Saint cocked his head, stole Sirius’ drink. “And what is this city but a bad, bad habit?”

Sirius’ blood cooled and he looked away.

What am I, Sirius? said the familiar voice from his memory. Am I easy? Am I safe? Do you want me, or am I just familiar now?

He closed his eyes against the memory of his reply.

Bad habit indeed.

XOXO

Spotted—a familiar face from the past. What has this train brought in? Thanks to a tip from @magicinthemaking, I bring you this picture of none other than Remus Lupin (and a certain Southern bell we know and love) under Grand Central’s stars. We missed you, Re—how was England? Or was it Europe?

The rumors can never seem to decide, but why the sudden change in plans to take his Junior year abroad? Here we were thinking he wanted nothing more than to stay.

I wonder how another certain star will feel about this sudden homecoming. And just in time for senior year’s Fall semester, too.

XOXO.

Remus adjusted his suitcase, glad he’d mailed so many of his things home. He’d been on U.S. soil for all of three hours, and he already missed Rome. He wanted to walk down the tiny staircase from his billet family’s apartment and get a cappuccino. He wanted to stand on the drain of the Pantheon and soak up the sheer history in the air.

He already wanted a break.

But he also wanted to see Julian. Sometimes it felt like the only thing pulling him back home was seeing his baby brother’s grin in real life rather than across a Facetime call.

“All good?”

Remus looked up at Leo. His blond hair was still bleached a bright blond from the Roman sun. Their program had ended in May, but Remus was glad they had stayed together. He hadn’t been looking for Leo—for someone to kiss for the first time in the rose garden at the top of the Aventine Hill while Leo told him about its past as a cemetery.

It’s footpaths are laid out like a Minorah, see? Leo had pointed out. To remember. 300 different types of roses isn’t enough. But I like to come here.

Remus thought it had been Leo’s love for history, and his respect, too, that had drawn him in. They both came from a world where the biggest thing most people cared about was what they’d wear to the next party, and who was bringing their next drink.

Remus hadn’t been able to believe his luck, as fragile as his heart was still.

“Yeah,” Remus nodded. “All good.”

But he wasn’t sure. They hadn’t been friends here, in the city, or at Hogwarts. It had been Rome. Remus didn’t know what their old lives would do to them. But he took Leo’s hand and watched the way Leo fingered the star he wore around his neck, the way he shot Remus his dimpled smile.

“Come on,” Remus said. “I want you to meet Julian.”

XOXO

Good morning Upper East Siders—Gossip Girl here. All trends point to Fall’s Hogwartsers coming back in Black—in more ways than one. Sirius Black’s got a baby brother on campus now, and after another wild summer for the Hogwarts College elite, count me in with the rest of them on wondering what to expect. Rumor is he’s not much like our favorite star.

“You don’t have to talk to me, you know.”

Sirius kept his eyes on his eggs and toast. “Your missing your tie. Mom said—”

“What do you care?” Regulus replied. “I hear when she used to make you wear one it usually ended up around some other guy’s neck by ten in the morning.”

“If you’re going to believe everything you read on Gossip Girl about me, then maybe I won’t talk to you.”

Regulus smirked. “So, you read it, too.” 

“Boys.”

Both brothers went back to their breakfasts.

“Good morning, mom,” Sirius said.

Walburga Black smiled with her painted lips, resting a hand on Sirius’ shoulder and bending to kiss his cheek.

“Don’t you both look handsome for your first day. Although that leather jacket has seen better days, Sirius. Do what you want for dinner, ask Chef, I don’t care. I’ll be at the House.”

The House. The House of Black, his mother’s million dollar fashion industry.

“Fine,” Regulus nodded, and rose. “I’ll take the first car.”

Sirius rolled his eyes again. “Really?”

Regulus just snatched up his backpack.

Saint, James, and Thomas were waiting for him on one of the courtyard tables when Sirius got out of the Escalade. It certainly felt like a first day of a semester. Saint’s neck dripped in gold necklaces—a story behind each one. Thomas, who had replaced his short braids with a closely shaved head, wore a white t-shirt and ripped up jean shorts, gold nose-ring glinting in the sun. James had evidently been helped out by Lily, as usual, a green, tight-fitting Henley shirt bunched up at his elbows. The two flanked Saint, who basked on top of the stone table, head tilted back to bare his throat in a way that made Sirius think of last night, in the back of the bar. He could see a purplish mark he had left there.

“You’re looking surprisingly chipper,” James said when Sirius reached Hogwarts’ courtyard.

Sirius raised an eyebrow, knowing he didn’t. “I’m not failing any classes yet, James.”

His friends went oddly silent. Sirius looked around at them, spreading his hands in confusion. Saint wouldn’t look at him, expression going oddly stoney. Thomas, finally, offered him his phone, biting his lip. Sirius took it.

His heart leapt to his throat. He didn’t even bother reading the Instagram caption. Remus loomed out at him from the phone screen.

“Leo Knut,” Saint said. “Who would have thought.”

Sirius cleared his throat and turned away from the picture—from Remus and Leo’s clasped hands.

“Why wouldn’t I be chipper?” he said again, and ignored their unconvinced expressions. “I’ve got class.”

Under his desk while he waited for the rest of the class to show, Sirius pulled out his phone and opened Instagram.

XOXO

Remus approached campus slowly. He felt like he didn’t know anyone anymore, even if he knew that wasn’t true. He thought he saw James from afar, but Lily and Kasey didn’t have class today.

Really, Remus didn’t know if he had many friends that weren’t…shared. That didn’t feel too close to home. Manhattan wasn’t that big of an island.

He looked down at his schedule he’d written out on his phone.

The 19th Century Novel - Hogsmeade R#302.

He made his way to the Hogsmeade building and climbed the spiral staircase quickly. It all felt too industrial, too metallic. At least he’d woken up with Leo, who still had the ancient air about him. He didn’t want that bubble to pop.

“Mr. Lupin,” Professor McGonagall beamed when he walked in, and Remus smiled, too at her familiar Scottish drawl. “It’s so very nice to have you back.”

“Hi, Professor. It’s good to be—”

But the words died on Remus’ tongue. He looked out at the small class—just twenty at this high level—and his heart, out of habit it seemed, had leapt at the sight of familiar dark hair.

Uh-oh. Looks like Pyramus and Thisbe are actually wishing for a wall between them this time.

Sirius’ hair was shorter than it had been at the end of sophomore year, the last time Remus had seen him. He wore a touch of a beard, too, just scruff, really, but it framed his silver eyes like darkness to the stars—two stars, which were zeroed in on Remus.

“Back,” Remus tried to recover, mouth dry. He sent McGonagall a shaky smile, and turned to find a seat, trying not to find those stars again.

He resisted the urge to close his eyes in defeat when he realized that there was only one left. He walked towards Sirius looking ahead and with his heart pounding. Leo. Leo making pancakes for him and Julian this morning. Leo making his little brother laugh. But he could smell the worn leather of Sirius’ jacket. He remembered the feel of it around his own shoulders. Are you cold, baby?

“All righty, then,” McGonagall stood from her chair and leaned against the front of her desk, looking down her spectacles at the attendance sheet. “Looks like we’re all here.”

XOXO

“Well?” Saint asked as Sirius took the joint from between his fingers.

“Sat down next to me,” Sirius said. “Didn’t say a fucking word.”

“Did you say a fucking word?” Saint raised his eyebrows.

Sirius blew out smoke. “No.”

“Well, all right, you fucking hypocrite.”

Sirius looked over at him from where they lay side by side, stretched out in the fading sunshine of Central Park. “I’m keeping this now.”

“No, you’re not. Did you pay for that? I don’t think so.”

Sirius scoffed. “Yeah, like this made a dent in the Montague treasuries.”

Saint laughed, tucking a palm behind his head. Sirius let his eyes linger on the strip of skin where his shirt rode up. He’d kissed that last night, too. It was nice with Saint. He’d been friends with him for longer than he could remember. Saint never looked for more. If Sirius snapped at him, he snapped back and then they laughed about it. Saint wandered through the world loving people freely. He kissed them, or he made them dinner, or he took them for long walks along the river. He showed them his favorite jazz club, or gave them the orgasm of their life, or read to them from his favorite books. He was New York in human form, accepting and inviting, living and breathing.

Sirius wished he was so trusting, even if trust seemed a funny word to apply to Saint.

No one ever got too close to either of them, except the other.

“What are you wearing to your mom’s fashion show?” Saint asked with his eyes closed. “It’s the event of the season.”

“Are you joking? The fittings started in July.”

“Mm, I love that,” Saint grinned, stretching. “Want to come help me decide what I’m wearing? We’re at the Plaza right now, you know that. You know my mother. If it’s not broken, break it. We’re renovating again. We can order champagne to the room.”

“Is that code for make out?”

“Partly. But I will be showing you my outfit choices.”

“Deal.”

XOXO

Remus made it back home seeing no one, but one of the butlers had an envelope with his name on it waiting for him.

“Thanks, Moody,” Remus murmured, but thought briefly about handing it right back to him.

He knew this invitation. He knew its black boarders and heavy stock. It came ever year.

It used to be something they had looked forward to.

The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black

invites you

TOUJOURS PUR

“Jesus,” Remus breathed, but took it up to his room, checking the time on the way. Julian would still be at school, his parents at work. This apartment was too big for the four of them, not to mention just Remus alone.

His suitcases still lay open and unpacked on his floor, and he kicked at one without looking up.

“So, did you just forget to mention that you were home?”

Remus spun towards his bed, only to find Lily sprawled across it and fiddling with an emerald on a chain.

“I had to find out from Gossip Girl?” Lily shook her head.

Remus slapped the invitation against his thigh. “Wow, wasn’t like that was a surprise present for you or anything.”

Lily smiled, red hair in a thick french braid. “I see green and I know it’s for me. What can I say?”

Remus huffed out a laugh, and she gave a small squeal and pushed off of the bed to wrap him in a hug.

“I’m so happy you’re home, Re.”

He let himself rest his chin in the crook of her neck for a moment. ‘Thanks, Lils.”

She pulled back, hands on his shoulders. “What, no, me too?”

“I am,” he said tentatively. “But I had fun in Rome.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Southern fun?”

“His name is Leo,” Remus said pointedly, then eyed the pile of garment bags piled high on the other side of his bed. “Are those…”

“Pour moi, et pour toi,” Lily patted his cheek. “We have a fashion show to go to, sweetheart.”

XOXO

What do we think, Courtiers? House of Black’s fashion show is the biggest event of the fall. But what on Earth does doe-eyed Remus Lupin have to do within that dark forest now?

Is he a Bambi, or still the wolf we knew?

You know you love me.

XOXO,

Gossip Girl

[lumosinlove]

Sweater Weather Snippet:

“You’re kind,” Sirius said in a soft voice. “I feel good when I’m with you. You treat me like I’m…just myself.”

Remus placed his palm on Sirius’ chest and let him talk.

“I never thought I’d ever get to be with—anyone I actually wanted to be with.”

Remus watched his own fingers trace a pattern over Sirius’ collarbone. “So, all those girls…” He had a sudden flash of Sirius with his hand on some girl’s waist, chin tilted into their kiss.

Sirius laughed. “Those girls. They’re—fine.” Remus snorted and Sirius squeezed him closer. “I just mean…I know what they’re after, you know? A story to tell their friends, a good time. So, I kiss them, keep up appearances, and let them down gently.”

Remus sat up and stared at him. “You mean you never…”

Sirius scrunched his nose. “I did, in the beginning but…it’s exhausting, being someone you’re not. Especially in a setting like that, you know? Where there’s nowhere to hide.”

Remus nodded slowly, leaning into the knuckles that Sirius traced against his cheek. “I hated when you picked up girls.”

Sirius grinned. “Good thing I don’t have to do it, then.”

Remus smiled back. “Good thing.”

Sirius leaned forward for a quick kiss, and then fell back against Remus’ pillows with a groan and long stretch. Remus was still figuring out how to deal with a warm, stretched out Sirius Black in his bed.

[lumosinlove]

Today in Solntse quarantine, Remus comes into Sirius’ home office while he’s on a phone call for work and sits right in his lap, pressing his hips down and kisses to his neck. Sirius rushes his way through the rest of call, trying to keep his breathing even. When he hangs up, he kisses Remus hard, saying against his mouth, “You bad, Remushya. Lucky is not a zoom.”

[lumosinlove]

Sweater Weather

(A/N: Thanks for being patient guys!)

part vii

“Can I have everyone’s attention for a second?”

The entire room looked at James who was sweaty post-practice like the rest of them and making his way to the center of the locker room with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“What the fuck, what did you do?” Kasey said, beginning to look around himself warily, as if something was going to spring out at him and it was all James’ fault.

It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Cap, what did you and Pots do this time?” Logan asked.

Sirius, however, shrugged. “I don’t know anything. Honest.”

Even Sirius laughed about how dishonest that sounded.

“I swear on my goal streak,” Sirius said, and Logan raised his eyebrows.

“Heavy stuff,” Logan said.

“Excuse me, hello, hi,” James waved his hands. “This isn’t a prank,” he heaved a breath. “Although it might sound like one…I have an announcement.”

Remus had been very carefully avoiding looking at Sirius all day, but he did now. He wanted to see his face. Right then, he had stopped fiddling with the laces on his skate and looked up, brows lowered. No doubt he was wondering what James could possibly have to say that he didn’t already know.

“Well?” Kasey said. “We’re all looking at you, Pots.”

“Right.” James was staring at Sirius and nervously cracking his knuckles one by one.

Remus couldn’t help but smile a little bit. Even if James was telling the entire team, this message was for Sirius.

“Yep, okay,” James cleared his throat and spread his hands. “Lily is pregnant.”

There was a beat of silence in the room. Someone made a high noise, someone else laughed, and someone else gasped. Remus couldn’t stop watching Sirius’ face.

It remained completely still for a few moments, like his brain hadn’t quite caught up to what he’d heard. Then his eyebrows raised. Then a smile, slowly, spread across his face and he stood, dumbstruck.

“Holy shit,” Sirius said, then laughed, breaking the silence. “Holy shit.”

Then he was striding forward and gathering James in a tight hug—James who definitely looked like he was going to cry a little bit.

Sirius snapped the rest of the room out of it and they practically hollered. The team swarmed them, yelling about champagne and congratulations and a baby Potter.

“Let’s hope he or she doesn’t get your hair, eh?” Pascal grinned, looping an arm around James’ shoulders. “Félicitations, mon ami.”

James laughed, a little wetly. “Thanks, Dumo. Any advice?”

Dumo smiled. “Try not to spoil them. It’s impossible.”

Kaner nodded solemnly from James’ other side. “It’s true. When Justin was born I thought it was bad, but wait until you have two. They’re the cutest fucking things I’ve ever seen and I can’t say no.”

Kasey snorted. “Spoil them as much as you’d like, I’m still going to be their favorite uncle.”

“Please,” Logan scoffed. “we all know Sirius is going to be the favorite uncle.”

Sirius laughed, arms crossed over his chest and looking at James fondly. “I think any one of us will be guilty of being wrapped around the kid’s finger.”

“How far along is she?” Leo asked.

“Almost five months. We’ll be able to tell the gender when Lily goes to the doctor’s next.”

“You kept this a secret from everyone for five months?” Kasey said. “James!”

“Well, it was Lily’s call! And…” James smiled, “not everyone.”

Sirius spluttered a little. “Who knew?”

Remus felt his neck heat a little even before all the eyes in the room followed James’ to him.

“Loops?” Kasey laughed, “Lupin! You traitor!”

“Remus knew?” Sirius said faintly, and then Remus couldn’t help but look at him.

Since this morning, he had been practically religious about sticking to his work, about keeping to himself. Last night, when he had finally gotten home after the party, he had laid in bed mulling over what Sirius had said—what he had said.

It’d be worth it.

Too hard.

And Sirius—Sirius wanted him. He’d wanted him for a long time. Remus couldn’t look at Sirius, not knowing that. Not knowing that every time he’d looked at Sirius, Sirius had been looking back. Sirius wanted him.

Remus had imagined that confession a million times over, but never once had it been like that. He’d never thought that it would hurt.

The worst part was, he wasn’t even mad at Sirius. Maybe he should be. If anything, Sirius had led him on, at least a little. But Remus understood. He understood that Sirius was lost, and all he could do now was hope he’d given Sirius enough information to help him figure out what he wanted to do. Remus wanted to help, but he had to protect himself, too.

He wouldn’t be strung along. He wouldn’t be an experiment. He wouldn’t be an embarrassed late night call.

Sirius knew how he felt. Now, he just had to figure out how he himself felt.

And Remus would wait, but not for the wrong reasons, and not forever.

They had a day off tomorrow and it couldn’t have been timed more perfectly. It wasn’t often that Remus wanted to get away from hockey entirely but, right now, all he wanted to do was curl up on his couch and sleep, or catch up on the book he was reading. Hell, he wanted to watch endless hours of television. He was tired, bone tired. It turned out that mutual confessions of feelings that lead to nowhere was even more exhausting that dismissals.

He could still hear some of the guys celebrating and talking loudly about James and Lily from where he was in his the kitchen. He was making himself a warm tea for the road when there was a cough from behind him. He turned to look over his shoulder, then turned back around. He cleared his throat, too, and carefully lifted his tea bag out of his cup and into the garbage.

“Hi,” he said to Sirius, back turned.

“Hi,” Sirius said, and then he came to stand next to Remus at the counter. Remus could see him out of the corner of his eye. He was turned towards him completely.

“Please look at me,” Sirius said, voice dropped quiet. “You haven’t looked at me all day.”

Remus raised his eyebrows, staring down at his tea as he tried to muster the right response. He sighed, finally, and turned to face Sirius, too, leaning his hip against the counter and crossing his arms.

“I don’t exist to look at you, Sirius. If that’s what you’re missing, then you can move along and we can forget about our Halloween conversation entirely.”

Sirius’ eyes widened and he all but tripped over himself to speak.

“No,” He said, a little loudly, and he looked around and dropped his voice again to match Remus’. “Fuck, Remus, that’s not what I meant at all.” He leaned back a little. “That’s what you think of me? That I’m some jacked up jock looking for an ego boost?”

“You fucking held me all night long and then told me you’ve liked me for you don’t even know how long but were never planning on acting on it!”

Remus felt his expression morph into one of surprise. He hadn’t even really know he wanted to say that until he did. He didn’t even know he was this angry about it all. He hadn’t thought he was angry to begin with. Sirius’ expression matched his own.

Remus turned back to the counter, taking a long breath. “How do you want me to feel, Sirius? I can’t just be buddy-buddy with you until you decide whether you can risk wanting me or not.”

“It isn’t just about me,” Sirius began but Remus cut him off.

“I know that,” he snapped, then pressed his hands over his face, groaning. “Fuck, I don’t mean to yell at you about this.” He dropped his hands and looked at Sirius again. “I told you I understand and I do, I just—this is…God, Sirius, you’re standing right in front of me and I want you, too.”

Sirius made a soft noise and his hand curled around Remus’ wrist. “Re.”

Remus shook him off, swallowing hard and picking up his cup. “Go be with your best friend. He’s having a baby.”

~

The Lions crowd was littered with signs wishing Sirius a happy birthday. The rink guards had even let a few little kids and their signs come down to the glass for warmups and press them where Sirius could see them.

Remus was watching Sirius smile happily as he tossed pucks over the glass for them to catch. He knew he probably had a wistful expression on his face, and there was a sure weight in his chest when Pascal skated over to the bench, stopping hard and leaning his forearms on the boards.

“Hi, Dumo,” Remus said.

Pascal only looked at him, head tilted. Then, he spit out his mouth guard into his hand and nodded at Remus. “You should come over for dinner tomorrow night, Remus. Me and the family—and Logan, of course—are throwing Sirius a little dinner party, just us French Canadians, for old time sake.”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “I’m not French Canadian.”

“You basically are. Besides, I’m inviting you. Me, Logan, Sirius, Celeste, and the kids. Very casual. I know James is having him over tonight—the little shit took his actual birthday—but Sirius used to practically live at my house.”

Remus laughed a little. “You complain about billet housing, and yet you seem to have an awfully hard time letting your kids go.”

Pascal shoved his arm. “He is all alone in that great big house of his. It’s true, I’d shove him back in my basement with Logan if I could.” Pascal smiled, “But don’t tell him that.”

Remus looked back to Sirius, who seemed to be communicating with a very young fan through waves and taps on the glass.

“He’ll want you there,” Pascal sing-songed.

“I don’t know,” Remus sighed.

Pascal placed a glove on Remus’ shoulder, pulling his attention back to him. His eyes were serious, but soft.

“I do,” Pascal said, then shoved his mouthguard back in with a wink and skated away to start the game against the Hufflepuff Badgers.

~

That was how Remus found himself knocking on the Dumais’ door at 7:00 o’clock sharp the next evening.

The door swung open to reveal Pascal with Katie on his hip.

“Remus!” he grinned, “Right on time, as usual.”

Remus smiled, stepping inside and shaking some snow off of his collar. It was early, but his weather forecast had told him there was going to be a severe storm tonight. He hung up his coat and slid out of his shoes at Pascal’s direction.

“Hi, Dumo.” he smiled, waving at Katie. “I hope you guys have candles. Apparently there’s going to be a huge blizzard tonight.”

“Really?” Pascal said absentmindedly, already turning back towards the warm kitchen. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“Blizzard!” Katie said, clapping her hands, “Kasey!”

“Parfait, ma chou.” Dumo kissed her cheek exaggeratedly, making her laugh. “Exactement.”

They walked into the kitchen and Remus shivered as the warmth hit him.

“Remus,” Pascal’s wife, Celeste, greeted him with a kiss on each cheek and then pressed a glass of wine into his hand which Remus took happily. Celeste smiled, “We are so happy you could come.”

“I am, too, thank you so much for—”

“Remus?”

Remus turned around, lowering his wine from where he had been about to take a sip.

Sirius and Logan were standing there, at the top of the basement stairs. Sirius had stopped dead in the doorway and Logan was behind him, peaking beneath Sirius’ arm. Sirius’ eyes were wide.

His chest squeezed and he smiled. “Hi, Sirius. Tremzy.”

Logan waved, and when Sirius still didn’t move, he rolled his eyes and shoved him, making him stumble a bit into the kitchen.

“Welcome to French court, Fruit-loop,” Logan grinned, punching him lightly in the shoulder. He stepped around him and pressed a short kiss to Celeste’s cheek. “Where the food is the best. And there’s little monsters to chase.” Logan growled playfully at Marc and Katie, who shrieked and laughed, running away from him as he chased them around the kitchen island. Pascal’s two slightly older children, Adele and Louis, looked like they were trying very hard to look unimpressed and like they were trying not to smile at the same time. The kids and Logan’s socks were slipping on the floor, whatever was simmering on the stove smelled incredible, and Remus was filled with an unmistakable sense of home.

He smiled briefly at Sirius again, who was still staring like he’d never seen Remus before, and turned back to the room.

“I can see why you can’t get rid of Logan.” He nodded at Celeste. “Dinner does smell incredible.”

“Are you here for dinner?” Sirius had finally torn himself away from the stairs and had come to stand next to Celeste.

Celeste clucked her tongue, hitting Sirius’ lightly in the chest with her dishtowel. “Sirius. Où sont tes manières?”

“No, I…” Sirius closed his mouth, flush. “I just didn’t know you were coming.”

“Oh?” Remus looked over at Pascal, who was very busy with stirring a pot on the stove. “I thought…”

“I think dinner is ready,” Pascal clapped his hands and grinned. “Adele, set the table, Louis help your mother bring the food out.”

“Katie and Marc could do it for once,” Adele grumbled, but hopped off her stool dutifully.

Remus looked back to Sirius when there was a rustle of bringing everything to the table. He had poured himself a glass of wine of his own and fell into stride with Remus as the followed the others to the dining room.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I thought Pascal would have told you, that’s all.” Remus took a sip of his drink, carefully not looking at Sirius. “I was as surprised as you to be invited.”

“Remus.”

Remus stopped and turned at Sirius’ hand on his arm. He looked up at him and tried his best to keep his face passive. A crease appeared between Sirius eyebrows that Remus badly wanted to smooth out.

“I was surprised to see you,” Sirius said. “Not unhappy to see you.”

Remus swallowed. “Oh. Well, good.”

Remus ended up between Sirius and Katie at dinner, and sitting across from a very smiley Pascal who kept shooting him looks like he knew something Remus didn’t. Once or twice Remus tried to subtly ask him what the hell was up with his eyes, but Pascal always looked away with a soft laugh. The kids and Logan kept most of the conversation going, and Sirius laughed and played along, but Remus could feel it every time Sirius’ eyes fell his way. He was sure Sirius could feel the same whenever Remus looked at him.

There was a tug on his shirt from his left, and Remus looked down at Katie’s large blue eyes.

“Joues-tu au hockey?” she asked in her soft voice. “Like my papa?”

Remus smiled, but shook his head. “I wish. I’m not as cool as your papa.”

“Finally! The praise I deserve.” Pascal said, and Celeste rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.

“I used to, though,” Remus said to Katie.

“Did you?” Pascal tilted his head. “I didn’t know that.”

Remus shrugged. “It’s…you know. I miss it, so I don’t talk about it much.”

“Jesus f—fudge,” Logan sent an apologetic smile to Celeste, then looked back to Remus. “You’ve got to play with us, bud. How did we not know this?”

“He’s already promised,” Sirius said, raising his glass to his lips. “All we have to do is win a Cup.”

All three players knocked on the wood of the table at the same time. Remus rolled his eyes at the superstition.

As soon as they knocked, the lights flickered out, making Adele squeak and throwing the table into semi-darkness. The moonlight reflected off the snow falling heavily outside and the wind practically howled.

“Whoa,” Logan said.

“Oh, a storm!” Pascal said, sounding far too delighted. He threw his napkin down. “I’ll get the candles, you were right, Lupin, you were right.” On his way out, he bent to drop a kiss to Celeste’s head.

“Well. The weatherman was right, really.” Remus stuttered.

Celeste scooted her chair back. “Pascal will never know where the candles are, I’ll be right back.” She hesitated then nodded to herself. “Why don’t we all go to the living room. We’re all almost done anyway and it’ll be more comfortable there. I’ll light the stove and bring coffee, too, non? And dessert.”

The kids scrambled at the mention of desert in the dark, giggling and begging Logan for a piggy back ride as they filed out of the dining room. He ended up groaning and laughing under the weight of the two smallest clinging to his arms and neck.

“I didn’t realize it was going to storm like this,” Sirius said as he and Remus followed the others.

“Me neither,” Remus glanced out the windows as they passed them. “I was mostly joking when I asked Dumo about the candles.”

“Guess the x-box isn’t working, then.”

Remus couldn’t help but laugh a little. “No, I guess not.”

“What,” Sirius said, bumping their shoulders lightly. “You don’t like x-box?”

Remus stopped just in the door, out of view of the dimly lit living room. “You aren’t allowed to do that right now.”

For a moment, Remus was worried he was going to have to explain himself from the look on Sirius’ face, but then Sirius stepped back. “Sorry, I…I’m sorry.”

Remus sighed, “You keep saying that.”

“I know.”

“Boys, go sit down!” Celeste yelled from the dark kitchen, and they dutifully went.

“Can I drive you home tonight? And we can talk?” Sirius murmured as they sat on the couch. He kept his eyes on Remus even as Katie wiggled her way into his lap.

Remus opened his mouth, but then there was a flickering light from the corner of his eye. When he looked, Dumo was there holding a chocolate, beautifully homemade cake. Celeste clapped her hands and Katie started the rather off-key version of happy birthday, only made better by Adele’s pretty voice.

Sirius had to tear his eyes away from Remus then and a smile broke out over his face despite himself. It was Remus’ favorite smile, with dimples and completely unselfconscious. Gorgeous. He wondered if Sirius had ever been treated like this at his real home. The thought brought an ache to his chest.

“Guys,” Sirius said, rubbing a hand over his cheek, which Remus noticed was more stubbly than usual. “Merci…thanks.”

“Le gateau!” Katie said delightedly.

“Oui,” Sirius said in his lovely, drawn out way. “Will you help me blow out the candles?”

“What are you going to wish for?” Adele said from where she was leaning forward in her chair.

Remus smiled a little. She absolutely had a crush on Sirius. Don’t we all, Remus wanted to say.

“Well, I can’t tell you.” Sirius hesitated. “It won’t come true. And…I think I need this one to come true.”

Sirius glanced at Remus again, then blew out the cake with Katie.

They were eating and drinking coffee when everyone’s phones started lighting up with severe storm warnings.

“Oh, would you look at that,” Pascal said, holding his phone close to his face. “Dangerous roads.”

Celeste hummed thoughtfully and went to the window. “Oh,” she said, pushing the curtain further aside. “God, we can barely see. I didn’t know it was going to be this bad.” She turned back to them. “Well…I don’t know if I want you boys driving in the dark like this. Especially after all the wine, the food…”

Remus looked down at his wine glass. He had been drinking freely because he had thought he was going to take a cab back. He wasn’t sure the cab services would be running now.

“You both should stay here,” Celeste said, coming back to the table and picking up her cake again. “Just to be safe. The snow plows will come in the morning. The worst that could happen is practice being delayed a little. We have a guest room, if you don’t mind sharing.”

Remus felt Sirius look at him, and was a little grateful. Sirius was giving him the opportunity to turn it down. But the roads looked bad. He would never forgive himself if he made Sirius drive in this weather and he got hurt somehow.

“That would be wonderful.” Remus sent Celeste a small smile. “And I don’t mind if Sirius doesn’t.”

“No,” Sirius said quickly, then cleared his throat. “I mean no, I don’t mind. At all. It’s fine.”

“Are we having a sleepover?” Katie said, relaxing back into Sirius’ chest and tapping his wrist for a bite of his cake.

“Cap and Loops are having a sleepover, mon cher,” Logan said, then stretched out his foot to nudge her feet until she laughed. “You and me can have a sleepover, how’s that?” He looked at Remus and raised a shoulder, “I’m just saying because she really will climb into your bed if you say yes.”

“Tremzy.” Katie sighed happily.

Celeste laughed, “She really will. I speak from experience. Anyway, finish you cake and coffee and I’ll make up the bed for you.”

“We can do that,” Remus took a bite of cake.

“Speak for yourself, Fruit-loop,” Pascal laughed. “I’ve never met a hockey player below 25 who can make up a bed for himself.”

“I can make a bed!” Sirius protested.

“We’ll see, won’t we?” Pascal raised his eyebrows and took a large, final bite of cake, grinning through it obnoxiously and making his kids laugh.

Celeste rolled her eyes fondly. “Stop teasing the boy, Pascal.” She waved towards there food. “Eat up, or I’ll have children begging for left over cake for the next week.”

Remus didn’t know how the Dumais’ had so many extra toothbrushes laying around, but he was glad for them and for Logan throwing extra t-shirts at them both to sleep in.

“You’ll have to suffer through two day underwear,” he had laughed. “As if you’ve never done that before.”

It was busy with the warm sounds of the kids getting ready for bed and yelling for Celeste, needing this or that. Remus felt relaxed by the lull of it, the presence of so many others in the house. He wondered if Sirius felt the same, if he also felt like he had too much room to know what to do with at home.

He was relaxed until Sirius closed the door behind them after wishing the family goodnight (Pascal giving them both exaggerated and smacking kisses to the cheeks) and they were alone and quiet.

Remus rubbed his hands nervously on his jeans before deciding to go over and pick up the shirt Logan had lent him. It was too big but it would be comfortable to sleep in. It had Logan’s name and number on the back and the Lions’ logo on the front. Remus looked at the Tremblay that spread between the shoulders and suddenly pictured a different name there. A different number. Black. 12.

“Ah, do you want the bathroom first?” Sirius’ voice cut into his thoughts and Remus turned abruptly.

“Oh.” He held the shirt against his chest, as if Sirius could see the evidence of his thoughts on it. “No. Go ahead.”

Sirius nodded and retreated to brush his teeth. Remus expected him to close the door but instead, he came wandering back out a second later, toothbrush in his mouth. He held it between his teeth by the bed, and Remus watched with raised eyebrows as he struggled to take his shirt off around it. When he succeeded and pulled a plain gray t-shirt over his head with minimal dripping from the toothpaste, he noticed Remus’ gaze.

“Quoi?” Sirius asked.

Remus kept his eyes firmly towards Sirius’ face and shook his head. “Nothing. Just—a funny order of operations you’ve got going there.”

Sirius looked down at his shirt, then at Remus, and shrugged, going back to brushing.

Remus tugged off his own shirt to change.

Sirius made a noise that was sort of a high pitched hum and Remus looked at him again.

“What?” he asked.

Whatever Sirius responded with was garbled by toothpaste and he disappeared into the bathroom. The back of his neck looked a little pink.

Remus let out a breath. He wasn’t going to survive the night. He figured he could brush his teeth, too, if Sirius wasn’t closing the door, and he picked up Logan’s shirt and tugged it over his head as he walked. He blinked against the bright light of the bathroom and stopped at the left sink. Sirius was running water over his face, and when he reached for the washcloth, he missed by a few inches. Remus pressed it into his hand and Sirius blinked water out of his eyes.

“Thanks,” Sirius said.

Remus nodded, putting toothpaste on his toothbrush. “Yeah.”

Sirius straightened. “Logan gave you that shirt?”

Remus looked at him in the mirror. Sirius question sounded like he was almost appalled by the notion. It made something in Remus’ chest squeeze.

“Yeah. He probably just picked two up from his floor.” Remus leant down and spit, running the water. “I’d guess we’re wearing week old laundry right now.” Then, he couldn’t help adding, “why?”

He watched in the mirror as Sirius’ eyes ran over his back, over Logan’s name and number. Sirius’ nostrils flared a little as he took a large breath.

“I don’t know,” Sirius finally said, then turned and went back into the bedroom.

Sirius was already in bed—on the right side—when Remus came. Sirius had drawn the covers back and was on his phone, one knee bent and raised out of the sheets. Remus collapsed on the left and doodled around on his own phone for a while. It was…nice. Sitting beside someone. Even if they were completely quiet, Remus liked the company, the weight in the bed. It felt like something he wouldn’t mind getting used to.

The wind howled outside, and they both jumped when they heard what sounded like tree branches brush against the window.

“Jesus,” Remus said. “Wonder what the world’s going to look like tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Sirius clicked his phone off. Remus was going to remind him to silence it before they slept. “That sounds pretty rough. Mind if I…?”

When he trailed off, Remus looked to see his hand hovering by the light.

“Oh, yeah. Go ahead.” Remus turned his phone off, too. He was doing fine on battery, but he would need to borrow a charger over breakfast. The light flicked off and they were left with the wind and the dark. They’d closed the shades and Remus could barely see his own hands.

Remus listened to Sirius breathing for a moment, wondering if he was just going to fall asleep. That would be fine, probably better, really, but a small part of Remus had hoped that, maybe—

“James asked me to be the godfather,” Sirius said suddenly into the dark.

Remus couldn’t help but turn to look at him, even if they couldn’t see each other. “Sirius. That’s amazing.”

Sirius made a soft noise of acknowledgement, then fell silent for a few moments again. Remus let him think.

“How does he know?” Sirius whispered.

“Know what?”

Sirius let out a breath. “Nothing. Sorry, nothing, I just had to tell someone. I’ve been—God, I’ve just been thinking about it since he asked and…I’m so happy, I am, I just…”

“It’s a daunting thought for anyone,” Remus said softly.

“Right. Yeah. It is.”

“I,” Remus swallowed. “I get why it would be, especially so for you. But being scared by it doesn’t mean you’re the wrong choice. It means you’re the right choice.”

Sirius laughed softly. “You always know what to say to me, don’t you?”

Remus let out a laugh of his own. “No. No, I really don’t.”

They fell into silence again, staring up into the dark. Remus tried to close his eyes, but all that turned into was listening to Sirius’ breathing and remembering that morning when he had woken up in Sirius’ arms. Sirius’ hand in his hair and his breath against his neck. Now that he knew that, even then, Sirius had wanted him, it made it all hurt even more.

“Were you pretending to be asleep?” Remus asked quietly.

“Now?”

“No,” Remus sunk back against his pillow. “The day you slept in my hotel room. After we lost to the Rangers. We woke up and we were—together.”

“Oh,” Sirius said. Remus heard him take a breath. “Well. I…I didn’t think I’d get the chance again. I’m sorry if that’s weird.”

Remus closed his eyes. “No. I just…I don’t know, I shouldn’t have asked.” Remus kept his eyes closed, took a breath, and said, “I was pretending, too.”

Sirius groaned a little, “Remus.”

There was a rustling as Sirius turned on his side. Remus turned towards him and he could just make out Sirius’ features as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Sirius was shadows and silver outlines, fuzzy with the quiet in the room.

Remus mirrored Sirius’ position. Their hands were tucked between them and Remus inched his head closer to Sirius’ on his pillow.

“This is probably the last thing you want to be doing right now,” Sirius breathed. “I’m sorry.”

Remus shook his head. “It’s more like the last thing I should be doing. But it couldn’t be closer to what I want.” Remus paused at Sirius’ sharp intake of breath. “I already told you that.”

Sirius’ eyes moved down to their hands and they rested on Remus’ open palm, soft on the mattress between them.

“I wished for something when Dumo brought the cake out,” Sirius looked back at Remus. “I’ve wished for the same thing almost every year of my life, but this year it was different.”

Remus could feel his heart in his fingertips. “Oh?”

“I used to wish that—that I could be different. Or maybe that I would stop being different, I guess.”

Remus raised his head off of his pillow a little, heart pulling. “Sirius…”

Sirius shook his head and pressed his cheek farther into his pillow. “I wished every chance that I had that I could just stop—wanting. Stop wanting what everyone around me was implying that I couldn’t have. Stop wanting what I knew I couldn’t want.”

Remus let out a breath. It made sense now. How cold Sirius had been in the beginning. He’d been beaten down. He’d beaten himself down, and he’d been beating himself down for his entire life.

“I didn’t wish for that tonight,” Sirius whispered. When he looked at Remus again, his eyes were shining in the dimness. He reached forward and pressed his palm over Remus’, slowly sliding their fingers together. “Remus, I didn’t wish for that tonight. I couldn’t. I was wrong.”

Remus squeezed his hand, pulling it against his chest. He couldn’t help it. He needed Sirius to know he was there. He hoped Sirius could feel how hard his heart was beating in his chest.

“Wrong?” Remus asked.

Sirius blinked, eyes steady. He looked crumbled but beautiful, like a ruined cathedral that was now open to the sky. “I don’t want it to stop. I know the risks but—God, Remus, when I look at you how could I wish for anything else?”

“Sirius,” Remus breathed. “God, Sirius—”

Sirius pushed himself up then, just enough to bend over Remus in the dark, their hands still locked between them, resting on Remus’ chest. Remus wound his fingers in Sirius’ hair and pulled him down, their noses brushing.

Sirius groaned. “Please don’t let me trap you. Please, Remus, you have to be sure. I can’t—I can’t offer you anything except behind closed doors. Not right now, at least. Not yet.”

“I know,” Remus hushed, fingers stroking the nape of his neck. “I told you, I already told you, and you have to listen to me, okay? Listen.” Remus released Sirius’ hand and cupped his jaw, thumb stroking over his bottom lip, and then his temple, his cheek. “You are worth it, Sirius. You’re kind and good, and I want to be with you even if it’s only when we’re alone. I’ll know. For the entire day when we can’t do anything more than glance and smile at each other, I’ll know what each look means.”

Sirius dropped their foreheads together, his lips pressing just beside Remus’ mouth with a soft sound. Remus closed his eyes, entire body feeling coiled with tension, waiting. Wanting.

“I don’t know how many times you’ve heard that you aren’t good enough,” Remus whispered against Sirius’ skin. “But I’m going to make you forget each one.”

Sirius shuttered. Remus felt it as Sirius let his chest rest against his, pressing them together.

“Re,” Sirius had barely breathed out, and then Remus pulled their mouths together and kissed him.

Sirius groaned into it and Remus heard himself do the same as Sirius’ fingers found his hip and cheek, keeping him steady while Sirius angled his head to deepen the kiss, running his tongue along Remus’ lip. Remus pressed up and against him, hands smoothing from his neck to his waist, rather shameless about feeling each rise and fall of his body along the way. Each stroke seemed to make Sirius kiss him harder, more frantically, like he was making up for lost time.

“Fuck,” Sirius murmured as he kissed down Remus’ jaw, pausing at the place where it met his neck. Sirius slotted his thigh between Remus’ and Remus gasped. Sirius was a hard, hot line against his hip and he was relentless in the presser he was applying in warm rolls against Remus’ quickly filling dick.

Remus let out a sigh at the feeling, pressing his arms to Sirius’ upper back and feeling the muscles move beneath his skin as Sirius worked himself against Remus’ body.

“Oh God,” Remus panted. “Oh God, we can’t have sex in Dumo’s guest room.”

“We can if we’re quiet.” Sirius kissed Remus again. “Je vais garder ta bouche occupée.”

Remus groaned. “I can’t fucking translate French right now.”

Sirius laughed softly. “I can keep your mouth busy.” Then he kept kissing him, slow and dirty. Remus couldn’t help but mirror his smile and tucked his fingers back into Sirius’ dark hair. He pushed up into Sirius’ mouth, then broke to kiss across his cheek slowly, savoring the scratch of his stubble against his lips.

Sirius hummed happily and settled back down against Remus’ chest, nose against Remus’ neck. He was too tall for their current position, and Remus lifted his head a little to see his bare feet dangling a little off of the end of the bed. He laughed, but simply wrapped his arms around Sirius’ broader shoulders and pressed his nose into the hair that curled out above Sirius’ ear.

“You’re not a lion, your a cub, an oversized cub. Somehow I always knew.”

Sirius mumbled something and smacked Remus’ hip lightly before pressing a kiss to his neck.

“Okay,” Sirius said with another kiss, then pushed himself up onto his forearms. He looked down at Remus.

Remus tilted his head, fingers still threading gently through Sirius’ hair. “Okay?”

A small, disbelieving smile appeared on Sirius’ face and he leaned down for a much softer, shorter kiss. “We can’t have sex in Dumo’s guest room. You’re right. But I can hold you without pretending to be asleep now, oui?”

Remus nodded. He thought there might be nothing left in his chest but his heart now.

“Oui,” he replied softly.

Sirius rolled away, pulling Remus with him until he was tucked beneath Sirius’ chin, ankles hooked around each other.

Remus wouldn’t have thought he’d be able to sleep, but when he closed his eyes, and with Sirius’ heart beneath his ear, he found that he’d never felt more calm.

“Je suis content,” Sirius whispered with a kiss to Remus’ forehead.

Remus smiled, and tilting his chin up for a kiss felt like the most natural and practiced thing in the world.

“I’m happy, too.”