#wmmap theory

[lithi]

I thought… this was the side story announcement….

Just like for the Japanese 8th volume of WMMAP, Spoon has illustrated a new cover for the 10th volume!

I’m just hoping the image will be clearer this time around bc Bookwalker had a very bad image resolution for the 8th volume 💀

“What a shame that you’ll end up like this.”

“You think I’ll let you have your way?”

[sharper-than-a-serpents-tooth]

making Jennette a being born from magic was presumably done so that she had no claim to the throne at all, but Aeternitas being involved in the process of her creation and using his own mana to breathe life into her would make him her father in the broad sense of the word and this would put her in the line of succession before Athy, Claude and even Anastacius.

And if Obelia considers beings of magic real and deserving of rights, which old Obelia must have because making an attempt on a divine beast, was an attempt on the life of the royal owning them as it had direct affects on the owners health when it was harmed, it is possible that Jennette might have been viewed as a part of Aeternitas. Her claim equal to his because he split his mana with her. We might even be having a ship of theseus dilemma where Jennette is more Aeternitas and Anastacius than they are because the repeated resurrections changed their essence fundamentally, and even though born tainted her, she is purer than them, because she led a righteous life.

Over and above that royals used a religious doctrine of political legitimacy, which entails the belief that certain people are either descended from gods or chosen by gods to rule. Jennette's creation by someone whose family claims to be descended from the gods would parallel the creation of humankind by god itself. Obelia calling into question her legitimacy and denying her right to exist, could be considered blasphemy against the gods and a condemnation of their own race.

[doomed-prophetess]

Lucas's dislike for Jennette would be interesting to explore if the reason wasn't because she was the second female lead but because she was a child that was created non consensually with mana stolen from him when he was asleep by the man he rejected (as in metaphorical rape). His hatred for her would be rooted in self hatred. Jennette is something powerful and terrifying, something that should be feared and rejected by society (just like him), both were conceived unnaturally from magic (manhwa lucas is implied to have been sired by the world tree), Jennette was raised by a white haired man who refused to become her family and never made her feel like she belonged (just like him and Gisil), they formed an attachment to a father figure (Caelum, Claude), possibly felt jealousy towards the true child of the father figure (Aeternitas, Athy) and ruined their parent/child relationship.

The difference is that Jennette still clings stubbornly onto her dream of a family, never embraced her "true" nature or put herself above those that were less powerful than her. And this must be incomprehensible to Lucas. Lucas was rejected by the people he loved because of his magic. He looks down on those with less mana than him because he might've begun to tell himself the opinion of those weaker than him didn't matter. They were ants in comparision to him who was basically a demi-god. It would be a nice parallel if Jennette and Lucas both tried to find comfort in a narrative they have constructed for themselves. They are forced into the roles of the lovely princess and wizard hermit respectively through external factors. The difference is that Jennette broke out of her role first in this life.

[nympyah]

what If we have the story of adam and eve as Ijennette? except, the fruit they both consume is athanasia and the serpent that coaxed them into consuming so is lucas? what if eve consumed the apple for the devil promised them a life together? what if adam consumed the apple because he wished for freedom and the taste of rebellion?

[shxrry-blossom]

JENNETTE'S ROOM

I haven't seen any compilation of Jennette's room in the manhwa so I'm going to do it with the few panels we have.

So, everyone would think that the color of Jennette's room should be blue or Athy's room should be pink since those are her "main" colors but in the manhwa it is the opposite, Athy's room is blue and Jetty's is pink.

First let's look at this image. To our left is a fireplace with nothing more than two candelabras and a random painting. Through Jennette we see a large white door. And to our right is Jennette's bed, at the foot of the bed is her dresser and a pink chair.

Now let's focus on our right.

In the first image you can't see it but in the next one we can see that next to the door there is a piece of furniture with many dolls and stuffed animals on it.

15 toys in total, 7 dolls and 8 stuffed animals. Do you notice that the dolls are almost always in pairs? Always two girls together?? I wonder if that was a way of projecting her desire to form a relationship with Athanasia, whom she believed to be her sister.

(I honestly don't think Spoon did it on purpose, but whatever, let's imagine)

Now right in front of the furniture with the stuffed animals we have Jennette's bed! which is also pink. Look to the right of Jennette's bed there is another pink chair just like the one on her nightstand.

Here we don't have the rug :( but at least we can see the chairs that are also pink (lmao) and a fairly simple circular table that has the same design as the furniture with the dolls.

Just above the girls is a chandelier.

In front of the bed but a little further to the left are the table and chairs where Jennette has tea with Athy! look at the following image.

And look to the right, behind Athanasia you can see a part of Jennette's shelf.

Let's have a more close look to the bed now!

Well look at the bed, it has curtains on the sides but all wmmap beds have them although these, unlike the others, are not tied. I wondered if that's because Jennette tends to close the curtains for more privacy?? We can also see on the right more of her miraculously not pink shelf with books. Also...isn't that the table where Jennette has tea with Athy? It seems that she changed it's position.

Let's take a closer look at her nightstand.

Well there is nothing different that no nightstand has from the other manhwas. Lots of pretty jars and boxes and in other pictures we saw that it had a candle holder too. But I find this silver tray with the hairbrush and a mirror adorable, it's so cute. Also, it's the only mirror in Jennette's entire room, right?

In here there are many jewels and some ribbon but nothing more special. The second comb is fun for me :D

Let's leave Jennette's nightstand and see what was to the right of her room.

Finally! the shelf full and with many books. I wonder what kind of things Jennette reads? Will they all be princess books? I guess so but I like to imagine that it has a greater variety of books (how to make dolls, flowers, cake shop, etc)

Can you see there is a white cup there? Well, it's on the shelf and it's not floating, it's on the same table where Jennette had tea with Athy and the parts of brown furniture that can be seen on the sides are the chairs that the girls sit on.

Below the window where Athy is entering there is an couch! And on the other side of the couch you can see some legs of a brown piece of furniture.

Here we have a better view of the couch! and also the rug that we had lost in the other images.

and the brown furniture next to the couch has absolutely nothing on it (lol)

Some comments: We never saw much of the wall on the side of the fireplace, the whole wall in front of Jennette's bed because there is still a part of Jennette's room that we don't know. The truth is that Jennette's room doesn't have many things besides her dolls, there can be thousands of theories why, maybe Jennette just doesn't like having a lot of things, maybe she never allowed herself to have a lot of things because she didn't want to be a nuisance or never filled her room with the things she liked because she didn't consider it her home, or maybe spoon just didn't decorate her room much idk.

Also Jennette needs a mirror, otherwise how the hell do the maids dress her? But I kind of like the fact that Jennette doesn't like mirrors tbh.

[ultramarine-spirit]

hello, i have a question about wmmap :3 In Athanasia's first life (the LP one), why wasn't she able to use magic, , but in her third life (WMMAP), she was able to use it? I've been wondering about it.

LP! Athy isn't able to use magic because LP! Lucas ate her Blackie! (lmao, but this isn't as bad as it sounds. Blackie's mana returning to her body would have killed her, as it almost did in WMMAP, but LP! Claude wouldn't have cared or saved her. So in a way, LP! Athy didn't die as a child because of LP! Lucas, in a butterfly effect sort of way). This is mentioned in the novel, not the manhwa. WMMAP Athy is able to use magic because she has her mana (most of it returning to her when Blackie died, it's after that event that she tells Lily that "she became a magician").

But in theory, LP! Athy could have had magic too.

[the-winters-prince]

since I asked tendy this question, I'll ask you guys this too! what do you like about the rest us? How do you like them?

Anny: The Goewin specialist in our fandom that is creating diversity in our starkly Medlleu centric space and adding an exciting new flavour to the twp village! When I finished TWP I wondered how the fandom dynamic would be like if the book had been more popular and wondered if some people would ship Medwin or Goelleu and that person missing was you! I'm impressed by your creativity to find potential in ships no one has ever thought of before (more Abreha x Priamos! Please share your thoughts!). With you I'm never alone with my wmmap rarepairs. Athyette, Ijennette, LucaJen... You always follow me and that gives me lots of power hehe.

Yono: My assigned soulmate who is always off the beam with their hcs about me but who I won't correct because I love her. It's ok I'd put on a wig for you, wear high heels and listen if you call me big brother! My platonic sister-wife and brother-rival who locked me in an eternal rivalry with them over Tendy's affections. Painting, writing, moodboards, concepts. You are a multi-talent. Is there anything you can't do? I'm a bit jealous over your art skills and wish I had even a fraction of your motivation. You are very dear to me, which means a lot for a person like me who doesn't really do internet friendships. Your AUs are a treat to read. I'm surprised how fast you adapted to my dark tastes and feel sometimes slightly guilty that I dragged you down to rarepair hell with me and introduced you to incest, while also being proud of you. Fate can be so cruel. Why couldn't we have grown up as neighbours? I pray in our next life we'll be reincarnated as blonde/black haired twins!

Tendy: I adore your prose! You are like a modern day Shakespeare to me. Every time you reblog my posts it feels like an angel touched my head or shaking hands with a celebrity. I deeply enjoy reading your commentary and detailed analysises. It feels we are like minds in a lot of respects. You seem to be well-read and knowledgeable about many things due to your age. I admire you greatly and want to get closer to you but also admire you from afar. It's a bit of a hero worship in a sense. I wish I could write like you. I'm amazed that in a small fandom like ours two people like us who shipped the brothers in the Winter Prince happened to meet each other and clicked. Anny and Yono started reading the Winter Prince because they saw me reading it. We all knew each other and migrated from another fandom her, so it was a great surprise to meet someone new! When I first started reading Fragile Chains I had the craziest crack theory that you were actually Elizabeth Wein's secret incest shipper stealth account xD

[mogekolover]

i was tending to some plants when it suddenly hit me: From where does manwha Lucas get his egocentric, lazy and irresponsible traits??

From the novel version of him, I know from where he gets them, but the manwha never makes it clear with him, while with other characters(Athanasia, Ijekiel, Jennette and Claude) we know at least the main thing that makes them act the way they are:

Athanasia: She acts sure of herself, is energetic and materialistic(although responsible and studious) because of her living in poverty in korea. Having so much money makes her energetic and carefree, which adds to her materialistic trait. her want to study comes from that lack of resources, and her responsibility too.

Ijekiel: He's what Roger wanted him to be, he likes what Roger approved he could like, and acts the way it's expected(and also Roger expected) for him to act. It's made clear when he himself says "He finally had something to call his" referring to his first meeting with Athanasia. Ijekiel was a puppet, he was destined to be Rogers poppet, and although this was broken by this unconventional meeting, he still acted the way Roger said to him he should.

Jennette: Basically the same as Ijekiel, just that Roger decided to go on a different route with her. While his son was supposed to be the most capable and notable person on the empire because of his achievements, Jennette was to be "The Kind-Hearted long lost daughter of Emperor Claude". She was supposed to be kind, gullible(because how else was he going to make her his second poppet), social and lovely. She was never supposed to be remarkable like Ijekiel, as we know Roger started pressuring her in her studies when he met Athanasia and learned she was nearly as intelligent as his son.

Claude: We all know his backstory. The abuse he suffered in his childhood and teenage years just made him an ice cube. Then Diana came along, he fell inlove and was happy, then she died and he was even more traumatized :D

But Lucas... In the manwha he's like, jesus christ or something, he just poofed into existence(according to him and what his master/teacher told him... wtf), so, does that mean that The World Tree(TWT) made him? If that's true, why did TWT *let* him develop such a personality trait?

We could say that the previous magician of the black tower may have done something for him to develop such a trait, but in the only scene we see of them together, Lucas is completely unable to understand nor feel empathy for the grief his previous master/teacher is suffering, and that's pretty contradictory if it's true the theory that TWT made Lucas.

If Lucas was supposed to be Jesus Christ of wmmap world, why let Lucas, not only completely ignore the messages the Tree sends him without receiving any type of punishment, but also being able to do harm to the Tree itself(Also without receiving any type of punishment)? Doesn't really make sense to me.

I mean, Lucas could be his first(?) successful attempt at making a human doll to make whatever-something happen, but that would be so incredibly grim if you think about it. Because that would mean that TWT NEEDED:

Lucas to, somehow, make Aethernitas(ESPECIFICALLY HIM) so mad at him to stay petty for 200 years.

From that pettiness, make Aethernitas dabble into dark magic.

Have Aethernitas target Anastacius(for what? Who the fuck knows) to then control/brainwash(?) Anastacius into being a piece of shit to Claude(and also dabbling in black magic).

This prompting him sleeping with Penelope and colluding with her to get rid of Claude(AKA making Jennette)

This making Claude despise him so much as to make a rebellion and basically wanting to kill him

Thus making Claude emperor and him meeting Diana, which makes Athanasia happen

WHICH THEN PROMPTS

Athanasia dying three fucking times, being abused in different ways in her first and second lives and dying not only hated by everyone and charged of a crime she didn't commit(WITHOUT A TRIAL BEING MADE) but also in such a forgettable(bc the news aren't going to cover that story, she's just a number in the total of people who ended up "dying from from the cold" that night) ways in both of those lives. AND LETS NOT FORGET how TWT only blessed Athanasia IN HER THIRD LIFE. Like, YOU LET HER DIE 2 TIMES TO BLESS HER AND SAVE HER FROM HER SUFFERINGS?!?!?!?!

And all for what?

Nothing.

Because it also doesn't make sense with the way TWT acts/thinks. Spoon herself showed us that he's always sending Lucas requests to go save some country from epidemics, floods, famine. That means the Tree cares for humans.

That's why I think it doesn't make any sense the way Lucas is so egocentric and so incredibly full of himself :D

Note: Can we just talk about how Lucas is so sure of his feeling towards Athanasia when he comes back from TWT? Is like he got his software updated and learned what "being in love" is lmao

[bvnga-aprikot]

I got the Who Made Me a Princess paper doll book from the Volume 3 limited edition and i said i would make a review on it, so here it is!

This was specifically the WMMAP i really really wanted to have ever since i laid my eyes on it, and after seeing @ultramarine-spirit's review on it i decided that i should try finding it so i don't have to long for it anymore. I got unbelievably lucky with this because it was the last one on sale and it was at a decent price, so thankfully it easy to convince my dad to lend me the money to buy it and he is a real MVP in this. Without further ado, i'll jump right into my review!

First off, the book is gorgeous. Not only was it in super good condition but the cover is just, so precious and i love it so much. I love Athy and Jetty so this book was already a priority in what WMMAP merch i wanted to buy, and since it's my first time doing so i have to say it went better than i expected. A few things i noticed is how kid Jennette got a lot of original outfits in this book since she barely appeared in the first arc, so i didn't think she would get a lot in this book. They're cute though so i don't really mind.

Ultramarine said in her review that she didn't want to cut out the dolls because it was too precious and after holding the book in my own hands, i think i too don't want to take them out. Like on one hand i think it would be fun to play dress up with them and have Athy and Jetty swap clothes for fun, but on the other hand this book is so rare that i think you'd have better luck finding the Volume 7 character illustrations than this gold mine anywhere else. I wish i could just photo copy this so i could still made the dolls without sacrificing the book :<

Something interesting about this is that for the backgrounds you might need to have the box this book came with for it to stick, which you can obviously improvise with but it kinda makes sense considering it has a platform for the dolls to stand on and all that. Also, we got more of Athanasia's room in this! Idk why i was excited but i love seeing her room for some reason because it just feels like it would be her room with the pink accents and blues complimenting it, sorta like Athy's two debutante dresses. I'm a bit disappointed we never got one for Jetty's room since i would love to see it here too, but i digress since maybe i could search up references of both their rooms and try to make it. (not that i'd ever will, just thought it would be fun to do)

So now let’s get onto the dresses. Ultramarine had already elaborated more on Athy’s dresses in her review so i’ll try to keep this short: they’re so cute, from her little girl dresses to when she’s a teenager i think she had so many great dresses and the ones Spoon picked for her could not be more great for this! Obviously she has to have her debutante dress with her but her other outfits are also super pretty in this (while obviously simplified). As for Jennette, because she hasn’t appeared much in the manhwa at this point her dresses are more on compiling all that she’s worn at that point, so while she didn’t get as much variety as Athy her dresses are still super cute and i especially love her green dress. As i said kid Jetty didn’t have a lot of outfits hence why she has a lot of original ones unique to this book, but i do wish we got the one outfit where she was cuddling the stuffed rabbit while looking sad. I have a whole crack theory on how it might be a representation of her relationship with the Alpheus family but this about the paper dolls so i’ll explain it in a later post.

A little tidbit about the instructions: from what was visualized there are two ways you can cut out Jetty's bonnets, and i think one of them involves using scraps to make a back slip so you can remove it anytime you want. Meaning, you can technically give small Athy a bonnet too if you could! This just means that you have to make their outfits removable though if you want them to match.

That's it for my review! I'm still too apprehensive of actually cutting out the paper dolls as i really don't want to risk ruining them, but maybe in the future i'll have the confidence to do so. I have this vague idea of posting memes of them doing cult activities since there's a lot of dolls and i do think that i might, just not now.

[babes-im-gay]

I think I saw the theory that Jennette was the one that turned back time for Athanasia on Reddit back when I first started reading WMMAP and absolutely despised Jennette.

So back then I hated that theory cause I did not want Jennette to have any spotlight.

But now that I've matured and finished WMMAP, I kinda wished that theory was true. I kinda wished it didn't go the Athanasia was god's favourite route😭 cause for what reason was she the fave?? They didn't elaborate at all. Are we god??

I wanted it to go the familial love turns back time to stop tragedy route. Even Diana will suffice, like Diana's soul turns back time for her child. But Jennette would be the best since she is literally made of black and imperial magic.

[roseapov]

Fics planning:

2023 year:

Christmas Genshin fic

Christmas HSR fic

Christmas Twtpflob fic

Christmas Htgmhoms/Htwmho fic

Christmas Wmmap fic

Christmas TWST fic

Finishing Povtober if possible

Writing a new birthday series (Surprise!)

Just saying that this new birthday series will still start in 2024, regardless if I will start writing it in 2023 or 2024.

Early 2024 (I hope):

Finishing Povtober if I won't be able to in December

Diasomnia 6 days, 8 fics drop (still thinking about the name)

Lilia x reader x Malleus + Silver and Sebek platonically (everyone yandere) - foreshadowed on Halloween

Readers are like/look like Meleanor and gives Diasomnia boys emotional damage, especially Lilia and Malleus💔

THAT ONE Leona fic

THAT ONE Farena fic (OG, Leona version is the extra one)

'First First fic' who was supposed to be my first one, but it never did - Theory, what if

Upgrading differences between Overseer and Player (TWST Self Aware)

Expanding TWST Self Aware AU Universe

Just before anything happens, I'm reminding that it's only planning! It all can change and I can also not follow it. It's just to give me directions in which I should go, and a view on my future works for you!

[lithi]

Wmmap theories back in the day: so I think Aeternitas is planning on this THIS because X argument!!

Wmmap theories now: I think Diana and Claude fucked and she got pregnant around this period in the timeline

[sharper-than-a-serpents-tooth]

I wonder what the shipping in The Lovely Princess fandom must have looked like. Was Ijennette a dominating ship with an armada of fans who would bully Jennette x Cabel shippers into silence or did they coexist in peace with others? Did some of the fans find the main romance between Ijekiel and Jennette unsatisfying and started shipping Ijekiel with an oc-fied Athy? A major complain about these kind of stories tends to be the two dimensional ml that is more eye-candy than anything else and the focus on the father-daughter relationship at the expanse of the romance. Not all fans would have been convinced of Ijennette's love story and may have complained that the female lead had no chemistry with the male lead. Did the fandom have yuri ships? Jennette x Athy? Jennette x Hari? Jennette x one of her bullies?

[doomed-prophetess]

crack theory/ headcanon: Jennette is partly a plant

I was rereading chapter 10 and was asking myself: why would Athy want to pluck the flower that badly, that she would lean over the boat edge and risk falling into the lake, when a few seconds ago she was so scared that her father would push her into the lake and leave her to drown? Why would she do something reckless that could give him any ideas? Why let down her guard and give him an opening? Back then Athy viewed Claude as a ticking timebomb and was still in survival mode. Getting distracted and endangering herself for a flower was unthinkable.

And that's when inspiration struck me: what if the "Lotus" flower functions just like Jennette does? Claude called it a mana eating plant. What if it feeds on human mana and it has taken on a beautiful appearance to catch its prey? Athy looks at the blue lotus in wonder and then, upon closer inspection, notices that it's not blue at all. It only seems that way to onlookers, because it reflects its surroundings. The flower itself has no color. Which reminds me of Jennette who has the Imperial blue jewel eyes, except no she has not. She is a construct of black magic and only appears to have the jewel eyes. Her eyes, just like her breathtaking beauty, are nothing but an illusion.

When Athy thinks "I want one." her eyes are dim and it doesn't look like she is being quite herself. The desire to possess the blue flower doesn't seem to come from her own mind, it's as if something else is possessing her and influencing her to think these things.

Furthermore the existence of the carnivorous flower has always been a headscratcher for me. Who planted it into the lake and for what reasons? I mean the plant has to live off something! Targeting Athy who was like a black hole of mana implies that the plant couldn't have been possibly satisfied by small animals alone. Who was sacrificed in the lake, so that the plant could keep on living? What use did the plant have that would make the sacrifice worth it? Claude couldn't have been the one. It's just not his style. That means the plant must have been a remnant of Anastacius' reign. It makes sense doesn't it? Anastacius was interested in ways how to steal, store and augment mana. Before he tested his theory on humans, he could have first observed animals and plants. The flower might have been his first creation, his first Jennette prototype, or it might have been an instrument or ingredient he used on Penelope so she could give birth to his miracle baby.

[alicehattera03]

I come with theories this time!

You died. But hey! You were lucky and some Goddess took pity on your soul and stuffed it into the body of the still unborn Athanasia de Alger Obelia. Oh and you have no Idea if this new world follows the book, the manwha, or some fanfiction.

How would you cope? Would you run away like Athy tried at the beginning? Would you crave your new dads attention and try to win his love? Would you start a revolution? Follow Aetherntrash? Give Jeanette the throne and be her shadow? Fall in Love with somebody? (Our Male Protagonist or even the reclusive wizard? Or find a new love not being known to you?) Would you even be able to see them as people? Not just characters you loved and liked to read about? How would you cope being an older soul in a younger body?

How would you rule if you tried the Empress Route and sit someday on your golden throne? How would you manage?

Just...general stuff I am really interested about because of what you write normally and what you would do personally would differ I guess.

Love and hoping the heat didnt grill you yet because here its only a few grades away :(

Hello dearest!!!

And - I WHAT NOW!?!

[AliceHatter has died.]

Ah, shit. Here we go again. 💀

Ahahaha okok well, this is something new. Considering, I've never really thought about what it'd be like if I was actually Athy, cause well, hmm...idk really, I guess I just never really thought about me personally, so this will be interesting. Also, pls goddess, let it NOT be my fics because good god, that is hell on earth whew.

How would I cope?

Well, humans are by nature very adaptable(whether that's good or bad idk lol) so I'd probably get used to not having wifi and throw myself into studying for some validation and probably ways to get rid of black magic lmao

Would you run away like Athy tried at the beginning?

I wouldn't run away, but I'd probably try to kms when I'm able to walk after being born because hello, there are no phones, no laptops, no wifi!!! What do I do for entertainment when I run out of books!!?!?

Would you crave your new dads attention and try to win his love?

Considering I tried to kms when I was just a baby, maybe at some very early point Claude would get interested and keep me at his side just to keep watch over what I do and in turn, starts saving me from the brink of death?? Maybe around then, I'd start to get attached to him and try to attract his attention by acting older than a baby...maybe like those FLs who act like geniuses at a young age when they're actually reincarnated(wow that sounds awful when I write it out but hey, it's a solid idea)

Would you start a revolution? Follow Aetherntrash?

To the first, probably not? I'd make lots of alliances with foreign countries and within Obelia itself just in case but I'd want Claude to still rule cause I'd be legitimate that way. Plus, he IS the strongest emperor ever, so...as long as I can figure out how to get rid of the black magic, he's a safer bet than Aeternitas who would get rid of me in a heartbeat so he can sit on the throne himself. So in answer to the second, hell nah, he can go fuck himself or Roger lololol Athy will- I mean, I will find a way to intercept his plans, probably from the debutante.

Give Jeanette the throne and be her shadow?

WHAT- I mean, ok, that's a reasonable option, but in the world where I wouldn't know which plot the world is following, I wouldn't know for sure until I meet her, but even still, a very high probability of no. I wouldn't hate her if she's the WMMAP version but if she's the novel version, ugh. If she's a fanfic version...depends on who she's written by. If she's by me, except for very few, I wouldn't like that at all...if she's written by someone who loves her dearly(which means they hate me...) then I'd die, so I'd rather just keep my distance and send her and Roger packing.

Fall in Love with somebody? (Our Male Protagonist or even the reclusive wizard? Or find a new love not being known to you?

Oooh, I'd love to fall in love with somebody. The question is, would they fall in love with me? Or the version I present as my version of Athy? If I acted like the lovable and intelligent Athanasia, thousands would fall, but if I acted like me and the way I want to portray her as I wanted her to be: stronger, harsher, an heir with an iron fist just like her father- would they be able to fall in love? Anyways, leaving those existential questions for when I actually get isekai-d lmao I wouldn't fall in love with Lucas. Unfortunate ahaha but I'd love to have him as an ally. Ijekiel on the other hand...I was pushing for Athy to end up with him, so he'd be a strong contender. If someone else comes into the picture, I wouldn't mind as long as they have the qualities of: a high rank that is near or matches Athy's, appearance-wise doesn't look like a squid next to her, and is intelligent enough to keep up with her conversations.

Would you even be able to see them as people? Not just characters you loved and liked to read about?

That's a real question...I think for a long while, I wouldn't be able to see them as anything but words on a page. Descriptors that I used to write, strokes of a pen across a tablet screen, I would feel their warmth and even look in the mirror and think, this world feels amazingly real. Would it even register to me that it was, in fact, now my reality? That they were, in fact, tangible people that could laugh, cry, love and die? It would be inevitable that I would find them to be people, but I think it'd be a long road to get there.

How would you cope being an older soul in a younger body?

AHAHAHA depends~ am I an older soul in the first place?? But if we're going off that I was older when I died and got stuffed into Athy's body, I'd use it as well as I could- plus be happy at restarting life lmao. Using all the knowledge I had from my previous life to prepare for my later years instead of learning the basics from scratch. I'd probably go as Athy did, learning new languages and studying early on, I have to make sure I don't act like a useless pawn but a useful heir. I'd also, frankly be annoyed at having to act like a child in a child's body so I'd do away with that and just have people get creeped out by how adult-like I act. Tell them to deal with it, I've got no time for their feelings ahaha

How would you rule if you tried the Empress Route and sit someday on your golden throne? How would you manage?

If I really did go into Athy's body, there would be no other route other than the Empress route imo. I don't have the patience or the large heart to let anyone else take the throne other than Athy. In my eyes, she's always been the one who deserved it the most after Claude, so I'd do anything and everything in my power to make sure she sits on it. Well...that I sit on it. I'd rule with generosity to those who help the weak out of the goodness of their hearts, rule with bared fangs at those who dared to overstep. I'd hope to be a ruler that would go down as being great rather than a powerless coward, but not as a bloodthirsty tyrant. I'd keep Obelia the same size, maybe expand, just a little, being too greedy was the downfall of many Emperors. Increase the networks by sea to increase trade itself, travel to widen my horizons.

Managing though....eek. I hate the idea of managing all those territories and worrying about people coming to assassinate me in the middle of the night + all the political jargon I'll have to learn and assimilate into every meeting with the nobility + having to do so much work...I'll probably make Claude and Ijekiel pull their weight and help me out while I pick out at least one secretary to help me for a while. Maybe my obstinateness will never let me pass the work onto someone else, my pride will get in the way? There goes my lazy days 😭

All in all, I do hope this was alright in terms of an answer-! It was very hard knowing that I was the one doing this and not Athy- at least a version of Athy- but I stopped cringing halfway because I had forgotten how fun it was to imagine myself in situations instead of a character. So, thank you, lovely for the wonderful, wonderful, ask!!! 🥰

[starlit-dreaming]

ITBOMM Extras/Drafts + Announcement

Fandom: WMMAP Rating: G Ship: Eventual Lucathy, Felily, Calena, and more Note: the Twin Sibling AU that i tried so hard not to write, but i DID, so naturally i have to call myself out for writing it. will be cross-posted on ao3 and wattpad under the same title

A/N: oof this chapter kinda ran outta my hands and went from 4k to 5k+ lmao i also sort of just glossed over some details, but i’ll eventually go a little more in-depth at a later time

Arc 1: Beginning of the End 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

Arc 2: Of Princes and Villainesses 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21

Side Story: maybe, i’m afraid (verena/athanasios) 1 | 2

[Extras/Rewrite Announcement]

A/N:

Long time since my last update, and I will apologize for that since I didn't expect it to have been that long since then lmao

I've been rewriting ITBOMM!!!!!!

The reason for this is because there's a lot of scenes that I wanted to write, and a lot of storybuilding that I didn't have back then that I do now. There's a lot of interactions that I never got to write out prior to the timeskips, and there's a lot of relationships I'd like to better establish instead of just tossing everyone into the scenes in one chapter.

I'll be posting the rewrite under a new story as "re: in the back of my mind" and I'll be changing the title of this fic to ITBOMM. I'll be posting extra scenes, my outline, etc here, and mark it as complete.

CW: There is a scene where someone commits suicide. For those who wish to avoid it, I will be marking it as *** and ending the scene with the same marking. It isn't explicit and detailed, but I will still be marking it.

————————————————————

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear — or so the saying goes. He didn’t expect Odysseus to actually start attending their music lessons together, but he supposes that it doesn’t actually matter in the end. It should be a blessing in disguise, since it meant he could get to know the kid and regain some memories.

Should be, in theory.

Rather, what matters is how awkward Athanase feels when it comes to hanging out with a future anti-monarchy revolutionary leader, since his mother had stepped out of the room for several minutes. If you don’t see the issue with this, then allow me to paint the problem:

They were alone together. A member of the monarch’s family, and a future anti-monarch revolutionary.

“What did Your Highness say to make Lady Durk cry?” Odysseus had asked after a short while of silence. He seemed curious, despite his blank stare and monotone voice. Maybe he was just as bored as Athanase is, since they were both reading music scores and doing nothing but reviewing what they had just gone over while Countess Nightingale was out discussing something with Felix.

It was naïve of Athanase to think that nobody would’ve found out about Autumn. Felix was one thing, but if anyone else saw her crying, they’d think he was turning out to be more like his father, maybe. They knew Felix would keep his mouth shut, but if it were anyone else who saw her cry, word would spread like fire. For both of their sakes, he hoped she got away without being seen, but apparently not.

Still… it could’ve been worse. Odysseus was asking in a one on one conversation, without anyone else. Countess Nightingale didn’t seem like a blabbermouth, and the maids value their own life to gossip about the Imperial Prince’s playmate with other nobles around.

So that limited the amount of people who saw. Maybe Irene saw the crying and decided to get her brother to pry into the matter? It made sense…

At least it wasn’t his father — he’d probably ask if Athan found her to be a displeasing friend.

“Huh?” He blinked owlishly, trying to look as confused as he hoped he did. “What’re you talking about, Sir Odysseus? Why would big sis Verena cry?”

Athan was pretty fucking adorable — he knew this and was confident about this fact. He and Athy were blessed with damn good genes. Maybe, on a very slim chance, Odysseus would think he’s a cute and harmless person and that Autumn didn’t actually cry because of him.

“Hmm.”

Maybe his adoration for Ferdie was too strong. How the hell could anyone remain indifferent to his cute face?

. . .

Ah, he spoke too soon, Athanase thought, his eyes noticing the slightest red hue gracing Odysseus’ cheeks. The boy in question simply looked away as he muttered under his breath.

“Well… deserved…”

…?

Did he just scoff? His eyes had looked away, but Athanase could sense that there was a hint of scorn in his muttered voice. He was curious about what Odysseus actually said, but…

If he didn’t know any better, it sounded an awful lot like…

No, it couldn’t be.

Odysseus may be OOC for a character in Toska, but he was still a kid. Granted, no kids to his memories were ever really polite and cordial for the most part, but this was a world with a nobility setting.

(“Would you call me crazy, if I told you that I went back in time?” or so implies whatever character in a cliché rofan manhwa scenario.

Athanase waves the thought away.)

“I don’t know what you think might’ve happened, Sir Odysseus,” Athanase simply smiled. “Care to share your thoughts?”

“Ah, it was simply my imagination, Your Highness,” Odysseus politely responded with an obviously fake smile attached with the false pleasantries. “Forgive me for misunderstanding what happened. I was rather concerned if Lady Durk offended the Imperial Family.”

The way Odysseus apologized felt as if he were mocking him, especially with that twinkle in his eyes. He seemed greatly amused, actually. And it sounded like he himself saw her cry.

Maybe he wanted to know if his “rival” was out of the picture. Or miserable, depending on who he’s obsessed with.

Athan wanted none of Odysseus’ drama-starting shit.

‘He’s more of a brat than I thought,’ Athan absentmindedly thought, instead opting to refocus on his music sheet.

——————————

He could feel eyes staring at him, bearing into his soul.

A glance up, with a smile on his face, he sees his father, looking at him from where he sat at the dining table. Judging by the fact that Athy was nowhere to be seen, it was just Athan who arrived early.

“Good morning, papa!” Athan greeted sweetly, giving him a proper bow before moving to take his seat.

When he sits down he notices his father staring at him. Despite seeming expressionless, he couldn’t help but sense an unspoken displeasure.

Strange, did Athan do something wrong?

‘Maybe he just hates seeing my face as opposed to Athy,’ Athan absentmindedly thought, feeling a pang of bitter disappointment. It was hard not to hate his sister, even though she hadn’t done a damn thing.

The doors open up and in walks Felix holding Athanasia, who he promptly lets down after a glare from his father. He watches her dart around the table, the slightest blur of blonde heading towards their father, giving the man in question a hug.

Huh. When did Athy start getting so affectionate with him?

——————————

Interacting with Athy is, to put it bluntly, weird.

The realization that the original Athanasios hated his older sister made it hard to think of her as the same dumbass sister he cared about. On top of that, the loss of his twin telepathy made it difficult for him to understand her thought process now as if they were strangers. Knowing her, she was probably screeching profanities at him for ignoring her, since she didn’t know what was happening.

Her thoughts were always so loud, too…

Losing the telepathy was a huge blow, because now it left them with only one faucet of their personalities. He had a role to play as a sweet and gentle musician genius, while Athy was a cheerful and friendly prodigy who enjoyed learning. Their telepathy allowed them to just be two young adults in the same unfortunate circumstance.

But, he didn’t want to reconcile with her, if he had to be honest. It was necessary for the sake of convenience, yes, but unwanted.

Unlike him, Athanasia was “complete” in his eyes. She wasn’t burdened by lack of memories, she wasn’t shackled with comparisons purely by being recognized as a genius. Maybe she was the golden child, favoured by looking the most and acting like their mother.

His sister was not controlled by her memories and lack thereof. Not like he was, with his obsession with memories.

Even so, their conversation was inevitable.

He knew it was, and with most of his memories all over the place, he just didn’t want to talk about it. Talking about his lack of memories would only invite questions that he couldn’t answer, questions that he himself wasn’t ready to hear.

‘She doesn’t need to know that this is my third life,’ he concludes, ‘But I’ll tell her about Autumn, otherwise she’ll be too wary of her being so close to me. She already wasn’t happy about me going to Arlanta, either, but Felix managed to get his foot in the door negotiation-wise.’

Felix opens the door, allowing him to poke his head in and see his sister and her playmate.

“Athy, can I play with you?” Athan asked rather sweetly with a smile. “Big sis Verena wanted to talk to Lucas.”

“Of course, Athan!” Athy cheered, smile wide and clearly fake.

Lucas only raised a brow at the odd request from Autumn, but Athan supposed it was justified. Lucas was an outlier, and Autumn wanted to figure out if he really is an unrelated person to this world.

Maybe he’s a transmigrator like them, Athan truthfully considered. Like an OC in fanfics — original characters were a hit or miss with him, but he often made exceptions if he was desperate for a fanfic. Lucas seemed like a cliché self-insert OC — black hair and red eyes, a classic combo that would only be a better fit if he was a mysterious stranger with a tragic backstory…

Focus.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” Athy frowned, puffing up her cheeks in clear displeasure. “Ever since I woke up, you never talk to me like normal!”

“Me ignoring you?!” Athan scoffed. “You’re one to talk! You’ve been acting like I don’t even exist!”

“What?”

“What?” he hissed. “What part of that don’t you understand? You’re the genius here.”

——————————

‘Autumn, where are you?!’ Athanase panicked, calmly taking a sip of tea. ‘How do I deal with your obsessive gay son?!’

‘Bitch — where am I? Where the fuck’re you?!’

Autumn’s thoughts practically screeched at him from across the Marquisate.

——————————

Ferdinand Milford is a surprisingly chatty kid. It often grated on his nerves, but oddly enough, there were moments where he did feel fond of Ferdie’s dumb comments. Maybe the original Athanasios was much more familiar with the guy?

He almost reminded him of Athanasia, whenever she tried to urge him to tag along with her.

How was she adjusting to life without him, especially without the telepathy?

Maybe it’s for the best that he doesn’t know.

——————————

“I don’t get it,” Athanase frowned. “I said the same thing word for word as I remembered, but it only made her angry.”

“Did you do anything different?” Autumn asked.

“Not that I can remember,” he shook his head.

“Well surely you must’ve done something,” Autumn wearily said with a wry smile, finally looking over to him. “Charlotte dislikes men, and yet according to your memories, you and our families were the exceptions.”

“But I really didn’t do anything different…”

“That may be, but you need to remember that you’re not the same person any more. You experienced a childhood where you are loved and cherished. Even if she, too, is cherished by her loved ones, maybe you won’t be able to relate to her at all in this life because you’re no longer the same as you once were.”

He hated that thought — a small part of him desperately wanted to know more about Charlotte.

It was a rather ugly feeling.

“I don’t want that,” he quietly admits. “I want to see her smile.”

“You’re surprisingly stubborn about this,” Autumn blinked.

“I don’t remember much, but she was important to me.”

——————————

“I… don’t want to have a painful death.”

She is a beauty beyond compare, though her face was sickly pale with chapped lips. He tries not to note the lack of red hues her lips used to have, nor did he say much as his hands cupped her cold hands. Her eyes are beautiful, but they are now muted orange-yellow sunsets — he still loves them, he still loves her, but it breaks his heart to see her in so much pain.

“Wouldn’t that be nice? Surely you agree, dear.”

“Yeah,” he quietly says, placing his hand next to her as she laid in bed and watching her weakly bring his hand to cup her cheek.

“Do you think I’m being horrid for thinking my family is selfish, love? For saying such horrid things. Mother and father keep telling me to hold on a little longer and have faith,” she weakly huffed. “Sister-in-law keeps telling me that she’ll find someone to save me, and then my elder brother insists that I’ll survive this ordeal, even though he looks away as though ashamed.”

“No,” he wryly smiles, running his fingers through her long blonde hair, watching as her shoulders relax. “I would say the same, if I were plagued with this cursed affliction without a known cure.”

“Truly, my beloved understands me best,” she smiles in return, and he notices how her eyes grow misty. “Am I terrible, having these bad thoughts? For wanting them to cut it out and be realistic?”

“Of course not,” his eyes softened. “They’re trying to handle the situation by having hope, but it’s hurting you the most.”

“I know they mean well,” she states as tears begin to fall. “But it makes me feel all the more guilty for leaving them.”

“Yeah, I know,” he nods, taking his handkerchief out as he wipes away her tears.

——————————

“I will leave you and the princess be — I won’t even try to covet her holy beast. In exchange, I ask that you don’t interfere with the wish I must grant.”

“And whose wish are you talking about?”

“Why, my princess, of course. Isn’t it obvious?” she smiled at him. “Even if she’s not the same person, I must accomplish what’s been asked.”

——————————

“Would you hate me,” [][][][][][][][][] had started, looking off into the horizon, “If I were to be consumed by my short-sighted quest for revenge? If I abandon my ideals of knighthood in exchange for the power it takes to defeat those who have wronged us? If I were to ever become the monster that I had sought to destroy… what would happen, if I stray?”

He raised his hand to cup [][][][][][][][][]’s cheek, speaking gently, tenderly, “I would kill you myself.”

His eyes softened.

“Good.”

——————————

***

She sits on the windowsill, calm and quiet as the wind brushes through her long pale blonde hair. The weight of her dress fell at her sides, a clear indication that she was skinnier than before. Her face sullen, and the skin of her hands had hugged her so that he could see the bone structure.

So, he dimly thinks as realization creeps up on him as if it had always been a known fact. This was the reason why she was hiding away. Up in a room away from everyone in the mansion.

[][][][][][][][][] twirled a flower between her fingers. If anyone from noble society saw her now, they might actually believe her to be a mere ghost, waiting for her time to come.

“[][][][][][],” he quietly says, watching as his beloved wistfully twirls the flower in her hand.

“Ah. I’ve been caught.”

Despite the nonchalant response, she looked rather guilty.

Guilty about taking off without him, he knows.

“You’re leaving.”

It was not a question.

[][][][][][] doesn’t smile at him, and instead wistfully smiles at the flower in her hand.

A precious and pretty flower that will soon wither away.

(She, too, will wither away.)

“I am glad that it was you who found me, and not another soul, my dove.”

He was speechless.

She was now leaving.

She was now leaving by choice.

“Maybe in another life, we would have had a chance,” [][][][][][] bitterly chuckles, her eyes dull from losing its vibrant shine, her dry pale lips curled like wilted flowers.

The sun was shining behind her, illuminating her presence.

She was beautiful, as always, forever in his eyes.

Always tragically beautiful.

“Maybe next time,” she breathes.

At that moment, she finally looks at him, properly then.

“Maybe next time,” he smiles at her, because that’s what she would want to see in her final moments, and she smiles back, elation clear in her eyes.

That was it, he thinks, that’s the smile he longed to see.

. . .

And then she…

And then, she was gone.

“Maybe next time,” he tells himself, finally crumpling to the ground as the tears pour out and his smile withers away.

Maybe next time, he would’ve had the strength to save her from herself.

Maybe next time.

***

——————————

‘What the fuck do I do?!’ Autumn internally screamed, clutching her teacup as Claude’s eyes bore into her.

‘Spit it out!’ Athan cried. ‘Spill the tea!’

Without much thought, Verena coughed, her tea spilling onto her.

“Are you okay, Lady Verena?!” Lady Iris, who was seated at her side, immediately reached out her handkerchief to Autumn.

“Ah… my apologies,” Autumn demurely stated, taking the handkerchief calmly, despite the internal screaming that only Athanase could hear. “I didn’t expect the tea to be as bitter as it was, so the fault lies with me…”

“We’ll just have to make sure there’s more sugar next time for you, Lady Verena,” Athan smoothly stated as he smiled at her before looking at Claude who continued to stare on with a frown. “Papa, may I be excused, so I can show Lady Verena where the dressing rooms are?”

Claude didn’t bother to hide his displeasure, as he narrowed his eyes at Autumn with the most loathsome look. “You are to return as soon as you’re done,” he stated with a more neutral look as his focus returned to Athanase, looking rather disinterested despite Felix seeming to hold back a laughing fit. “There will be no delays.”

“Of course, papa!” Athan chirped as he and Autumn left the room.

. . .

“So scary!” Autumn let out a heavy gasp as she leaned against Athan’s shoulder the moment the doors closed. “If looks can kill, I’d be dead again!”

“Chill, bro. You’re overreacting,” Athan rolled his eyes at her dramatics as he snapped his fingers, instantly cleaning the tea stains. She shot him a confused look. “Dad doesn’t know yet, but I’ve been getting better at magic.”

“He’s gonna murder me in cold blood if he finds out I know that fact before him,” Autumn cried, her face getting red and blotchy. “I have to walk on eggshells if I value my life.”

“Yeah, yeah, wallow about my so-called tsundere dad,” Athan shook his head at her dramatics. “I’ll at least walk you to the dressing room before I leave you alone, so you can focus on planning your funeral.”

“How nice,” Autumn pouted, wiping her eyes with the handkerchief Iris gave. “A companion until my demise.”

——————————

“Dance with me,” Autumn says, looking at him softly. “Stop thinking about it, about them, and just savour the moment we have in this peace and quiet.”

“…I don’t think I can do that.”

“I understand that you have a broken heart,” Autumn whispered, placing her hand over his. “And you can cry all you’d like, but it helps to grieve over something that wasn’t meant to be bit by bit.”

“…you sound like you’ve had your own heart broken.”

“Yes,” Autumn softly murmured. “My heart never stood a chance.”

When did she get a broken heart? She never told him anything in their past life.

“You sound as if you were in love.”

“I was.”

“Who was it?”

“…someone who had no future.”

——————————

“It’s difficult being bisexual in a noble society where it just doesn’t seem to be the norm,” Verena sighed.

“Try being an actual member of the royal family and bisexual. Athy keeps teasing me about the gentlemen — not sure why she’s not teasing me about my potential suitors, but I’m thankful that she hasn’t,” Athan dryly stated. “What’s up with everyone, anyway? There’s not a single ugly person out of all the people I’ve encountered,” he looked at Verena and wrinkled his nose in distaste. “Including you, too.”

“As a marriage candidate of yours, I suppose I should be grateful you think of me to be attractive,” Autumn pursed her lips, obviously displeased at his compliment. “You’re not a sight for sore eyes either, unfortunately.”

“It’s called having good genes,” Athanase dryly stated. “Is there an actual reason you were wistfully sighing over your sexuality?”

“Lilian York,” Autumn simply stated as Felix awkwardly tried to ignore their conversation. Briefly, Athan pitied the guard, but also, he found it quite amusing to watch him feign ignorance in the aftermath of all his conversations with Autumn.

Felix was interested in Lily, wasn’t he? It would be fun to try and tease him…

But still.

“My nanny?” he raised a brow. “Really?”

“She’s young, she’s single, she’s devoted,” Autumn huffed, placing a hand on her hip. “She’s pretty, she’s very sweet and kind, she’s mother material—”

“—Alright, you’ve made your point,”  he interrupted, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And you’ve also made it abundantly clear that you’ve no interest in anyone in our generation. It’s not like you can make it even more clear.”

He froze.

That sounded like a challenge.

Athan did not intend to challenge her.

For a moment, Autumn is quiet. There’s a sinking feeling in his chest, as if he’ll loathe this conversation for years to come. They make eye contact.

“Don’t—” Athan hissed.

“Duke Robain,” Autumn seriously stated as Felix immediately choked and stared at them in baffled disbelief. Athan didn’t blame him, he would’ve reacted the same way if Autumn mentioned his own father. Even then, his father wouldn’t be too terrible of an answer since Duke Robain was likely in his 50s-60s by now. To an outsider, it would simply make Autumn seem as if she were into grandparents.

She probably would’ve said his father’s name, if she didn’t value her own life. It was fortunate that she gave no fucks after Felix found out about her interests in mothers and fathers.

Still, he made a face, wrinkling his nose as he very much judged her blatant disregard for manners.

“Can you not?”

“Duke Robain.”

He heaved a heavy sigh, deliberately choosing to ignore her as he takes a sip of his tea.

“Duke. Robain.”

“I heard you the first time, and I prefer to leave it at that,” Athan flatly shot back, placing his cup of tea back down. “Now, will you kindly shut up?”

She did not kindly shut up.

“He’s gorgeous, Prince Athanase!” Autumn seemed to practically swoon. “Duke Robain is my ideal man. The silver-grey is a lovely combination with his red hair, and his voice is just—!” Autumn squealed. “And he’s just so gentlemanly.”

“Duke Robain is, what, three times our physical age, now?” he rubbed his temple, feeling a headache creeping in. “And need I remind you that we haven’t even debuted yet, at the very least?”

“He’s only, like, 45, last I recall,” Autumn confidently stated. Well shit, there goes his guess. He keeps forgetting that high society’s wack like that with their marriages and crap. “And Duke Robain has yet to remarry. And you debut in four years — we have time. I need to plan a memorable first meeting!”

“Right…” he slowly spoke, his eyes trailing away from his companion and over to Felix, who appeared very much horrified by the conversation and very much wishing he never heard a word. “Good luck with that, I suppose.”

——————————

“Don’t!” Odysseus had shouted, trying to cover Athanase’s face. “Don’t look!”

“Sir Odysseus…?”

“Please… don’t try to remember.”

As if mocking Odysseus, the flames roared, a scream accompanying it.

And Athan, he… he…

He blacks out.

. . .

Everything ached in a way that felt unfamiliar to him.

He hears the cackling fire and frowns, opening his eyes. The room was getting uncomfortably warm, and he couldn’t move much, nor could he speak.

And that’s when he sees it — a fire burning the building, reaching towards him in an agonizingly slow pace. He tried to break away, only to realize that he was tied to a chair, with a piece of cloth over his mouth.

He tried to squirm, but it was no use—

It was only then that he heard a faint shout, screaming for him.

That very same person had reignited the hope he had lost in the midst of despair.

“[][][][][][][][]! Please, answer me! Your Highness, Prince—”

——————————

“You don’t even like physical labour!” Athan stated in clear exasperation.

“Just  because I don’t want to be a swordsman doesn’t mean I’m not interested  in the art as a writer!” Verena argued back as Athy watched them, taking  a sip of her tea as she watched the two argue. “Besides, knights who  can use magic are sexy and popular in literature nowadays!”

“You  just want to write a love story involving a prince and a knight,” Athan  shot back. “You even wrote that smut fic involving, well, you know.”

“That’s not true! That’s not true!” Verena screeched, covering her ears as she pointedly avoided eye contact.

“Says FFN User Starshine-Dreaming!”

“No,  no, no!” Verena cried. “Drop it! I stopped writing on FFN for a reason,  Athan! When in heavens are you finally going to stop reminding me about  it all?!”

“Who knows,” he flatly responded. “Maybe I’ll  be reminding you for the same length of time that I’ve waited for a  chapter update — several years, bitch.”

“It’s been more than six years! Get over it already, asshole!”

“Six in the previous life, but eight including now!” Athan hissed. “Fourteen years in total, Autumn!”

——————————

“So… I might have fucked up canon this time,” Autumn immediately started the conversation with a pleasant smile on her face.

“Excuse me?” he blinked, taken aback as he looks at her.

“Hari Ernst,” Autumn sheepishly grinned.

“Autumn… what did you do?” he groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Eheh… well, I have a little sister now! Surprise?”

“You didn’t.”

“I did,” she sheepishly nodded, taking a sip of her tea as she avoids eye contact. “Brother and I were out shopping together, we ended up finding Hari, and brother pitied her, so we proposed that maybe we took her into the family. Auntie needs an heiress, last I recall.”

“Dude… didn’t the oldest of the Ernst boys like Hari, even though she practically looks like she could be their sister’s twin with how similar they look to each other? I did not torture myself with reading that damn novel to reach this point, dammit.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” Autumn nodded. “Besides, didn’t you say that it would be a good idea to befriend the Ernst Family? I hear that they’ll be partaking in the Hunting Competition. Who knows, maybe if the future heiress of the Pompidou Family ends up charming the future Duke of the Ernst Family, we’ll have ourselves a proper alliance by marriage going on.”

“Do you honestly believe, to the gods above, that Eugene would marry into the Pompidou Family?”

“…We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

——————————

“So, my aunt will be adopting Hari — er, Harley — and it turns out, since my uncle refuses to adopt her since she’s from the streets, she’ll remain a Demirci. When Hari — fuck, Harley —inherits the title, she can keep the name.”

“That doesn’t sound plausible to a noble society…”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that. I just opted to talk to His Majesty.”

“You talked to my dad?”

“All I did was mention that you thought Pompidou is a dumb name and that you felt bad that Hari — HARLEY — was going to be called by that name when she gets older. And that it’d make you really happy if she could go by Demirci, so you should maybe act really cute with His Majesty like Her Highness, Princess Athanasia.”

“…right. Also, you know it’s fine to still call her Hari, right? If anyone notices then just say it’s a nickname.”

“…why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Cause it was funny watching you struggle over something so simple.”

“Wow, what a bitch.”

——————————

“We need to talk.”

Autumn’s smile faltered the moment she heard those words. “Oh no, are we breaking up?”

“What?”

“I swear I’ll change, babe!” Autumn stated, slumping in her seat over the table. “Please don’t leave meeee.”

“Autumn, the fuck’re you on about?”

“You said the classic breakup intro, dude. I had to do it for the sake of our readers. What if they got their hopes up regarding our relationship? No, no! Things like this ought to be clearly defined.”

“…my best friend’s going crazy. Look, nobody would ever ship us — except for maybe a few crazy multi-shippers. Like yourself. Even my sister’s against the very thought of it. She’d rather I start crushing on Ijekiel, and everyone knows how popular I’d be with him! Plus, the majority of our readers don’t want me to end up with a girl.”

“Damn. Way to hurt me right where it hurts the most. I can’t believe I’m un-shippable with my own bestie…”

——————————

“You should be fine,” Autumn snorts, taking a sip from her glass. “Common noble etiquette dictates that you should never approach someone of higher status for a dance. Princess Athanasia is more approachable. Just frown at everyone and you’ll be good.”

“So I should treat them like bugs the same way my dad does,” Athan concluded.

——————————

***

“As you already know by now,” she weakly says, “Athanasios died. In my rewrite, I tried to figure out a way to keep him alive, I wanted to give the twins a happy ending.”

That was surprising — she never told him that.

“No matter what I tried to write, I couldn’t imagine him being alive at the end of Toska. Somehow, or some way, he was going to end up dying. It was the main reason why I stopped posting updates in the first place. I wanted to finish it, though, at least for you, when I found out that you read my story. I wanted to finish rewriting Toska for you, but then you…”

But then he died.

She had no reason to finish her story, if the one she rewrote it for wouldn’t even be there to read it.

“And it was… it was the same. For Athanasios. He…” she refused to look up from her teacup, but he could already see where she was going with this.

“Athanasios died in your rewrite.”

Just like he did.

Verena says nothing, but that alone is enough of an answer.

Athanase slowly nods as dawning realization washes over him. And he remembers that dream, where he spoke to Diana, and the way he moved closer to the ledge.

.

(He feels a twinge of guilt, a pain in his chest, for what he was about to do.)

.

“He jumped from a tower.”

Nothing.

.

(There is something about him that she sees, and he knows this, because there is a moment that her soft smile crumples. Tears pour out as his mother becomes distraught, sadness splashing him in waves, but he stands still — unyielding. He finally takes a step closer to the balcony, hands touching the cold stone.)

.

“And he chose to do it. He wasn’t pushed, he wasn’t threatened, he wasn’t manipulated, he wasn’t in any danger.”

His throat felt dry.

He knows.

“It was a deliberate choice. Athanasios… he wanted to die.”

.

(An image of Diana standing on the balcony, crying as she tries to stop her son who only shakes his head and smiles, who tells her “I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough.”

The sensation of stepping on the ledge, ignoring his silently crying mother.)

.

“Athanasios got tired of living,” he quietly says.

Verena closes her eyes, tears spilling forth as she never looks at him. She says nothing, again, as he figures it all out, slowly and verbally voicing the thoughts aloud, a sick and twisted feeling rising from within.

He feels nauseous.

.

(An image of long black hair whirling in the wind comes to mind, high up on a rooftop, staring up at the darkening skies above. Lips curling up into a smile as they ignored the painful aches of their bones. The feeling of freedom just within their reach…)

.

“I got tired of living.”

And it should be alarming, really, but it doesn’t surprise him.

He always believed that he wasn’t the sort of person to just… jump to end his life, and yet he did — he has, he had, he might. With a compelling enough reason, it was a magical excuse to end it all.

It just so happened that wanting death was reason enough.

.

(“I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. Maybe next time.”)

.

In his previous life — lives, maybe — he wanted to die.

She doesn’t need to tell him the reason why she never finished the rewrite anymore. He did exactly what Athanasios had done. It must’ve felt terrible, reading your own writing meant for a friend who died, only for that very person to die in the same exact way, albeit in different circumstances and situations, in different places and times.

But for the same reasons.

It still happened, even if he never thought he would consider…

.

(He died.)

.

“You did,” Verena softly confirmed, but she didn’t really have to, not after his memory was steadily returning with more clarity and pain. “And that’s why you died in our last life together.”

People are complicated. They’re irrational or logical, fuelled by motivations or lack thereof. They’re complicated, righteous or morally grey, or downright psychotic or had been sane this whole time. Their actions could be done for stupid or convoluted reasons that most just wouldn’t be able to recognize from the get go.

The answers can be difficult to answer, because sometimes a reason why things happen include multiple issues, little things that build up over time.

And sometimes, the answer he’s been looking for really is as simple as that:

“You were tired, Athanase.”

.

(“I’m… tired.”)

***