#wittle joan

[angelartsphotography]

Joan as a little girl plus other doodles 🩺

[popculturebuffet]

Monthly Mupppets Madness: Seasame Street Presents: Follow That Bird Review!: A Film that Will DestroY you In A Good Way ( Brought To You By Emma Fici)

For Carroll

Hello all you happy muppets nad welcome back to Monthly Muppet Madness. Today's review is brought to you by the letters W and B as I finally got told how to get to Seasame Street! Yes after touching on them in Muppet Family Christmas it's time to give Kermit's other family a proper look with their feature debut FOLLOW. THAT. BIRD. This one.. has been delayed a bit, but we're finally here.

It also.. puts me out of my element as i'm way more familiar with the muppets as a troupe than I am with their public education forebearers, having only watched some as a kid too young to remember any of it (I scarely remember having a tickle me elmo), and as an adult watching his nicce and nephew, where it was very diffrent. I know the muppet side fine, but knew none of the adult performers as they were all gone by the time I was growing up and certainly by the time my niece and nephew came in.

For a brief history Seasame Street was created by producer Joan Ganz Cooney and LLoyd Morrisett , VP of the Carnigie Foundation, both things i only learned when looking this up on wikipedia but both vital. With crticism of tv at a high, the two decided to weaponize it's addictive qualities for good, to create educational programming to help kids in poorer areas who may not have access to as quality education, as well as promote diversity. The result was Seasame Street. Jim Henson was asked aboard as his muppets were incredibly popular and Cooney knew what she had. Jim didn't want to do it at first as he was worried it'd make it seem like the muppets were just "for children", a fear that sadly came true as it made getting the muppet show out there harder.. but he relented. It was a good cause and they inteded to make the show alla ges: mainly to edcuate small chidlren but entertaning enough their parents and older siblings wouldn't change the channel.

It goes without saying Henson was key to the shows success, with many of his performers joining the cast and while he had to wittle down to just performing his characters as the muppet show took off it's clear he loved these characters too.

Seasame Street naturally became the monster hit it is today, big with kids, loved by the kids who grew up with it and well loved, parodied with affectoina nd generally important. It's so relevant that last year it even got a newer parody survivial street about a ragtag group of public education performers fighting for seasame street in the post apocalypse. And if your wondering if that'll be covered her eventaully

(can confirm)

When I don't know the in pile is pretty big over here. At any rate as for how follow that bird happened

(daffy hands)

I tried my best but from my usual first choices (wikipedia and the muppets wiki to at least start) to combing I couldn't find anything behind the scnenes on why this film was made. I found out what I could but I can't tell you why the film came to be.

What I can is that it wasn't a huge success in theaters. It got slammed right up against films such as back to the future and pee wee's big adventure, and thus got utterly destroyed, not helped by WB barely promoting it and mostly saying "EH WE GOT BIG BIRD".

Thankfully like Muppet's Christmas Carol after it, Home Video and in this case HBO gave it a second life, so many an 80's and 90's kid saw the film and loved it young and slightly older, and the film became a bit of a cult classic. Yet despite having seen many a film from the Jim Henson era of muppets until sitting down for this review i'd never seen this one. So with fresh eyes join me under the cut as you, me, the seasame street players, a misguided racist social service bird, two shady canadian sketch comedy actors, and more FOLLOW. THAT. BIRD!

This is More Soul Destroying Than I Expected:

This film taught me NEVER to underestimate a muppet production. See I thought , much like it's succesor, this would be a light film , a road picture about finding big bird. Which it is.. what I didn't expect.. was for it to do THIS to me.

For those of you less familiar Follow That Bird is about the fedral council of birds deciding that Big Bird cann't POSSIBLY be happy without other birds around, so they send Mrs. Finch to go take him from his happy found family and stick him with a bird family. Yes today's show is brought to you by Bird Racisim.

HIs family reluctantly lets him go as he's curious to have a bird family, and is too innocent to relaize the system's broken. I didn't expect a muppet film to be an indictment of social services and unittional racisim and shame on me for not thinking they could do it. THey do it well too: Miss FInch isn't INTENTIONALLY racist, she's just so set in her ways she genuinely CAN'T see why Big Bird would be happy where he is and dosen't put any real thought into his placement, putting him with the dim witted dodos. The Dodo's themselves aren't BAD people, they just don't know how to take care of big bird like their own childrne, lack his imagination. Even Big Bird can't understand writing a letter asking "Why am I not happy?"

The only bad thing they genuinely do intetionally.. is tell Big BIrd he should have a bird friend instead, which gets him to run away. And what makes all this more painful is that Big Bird.. is a kind kid. He writes the dodo's a thank you note and simply wants to go home and being only 6, yes really, he dosen't get that he can't just walk home, how dangerous that is, and how CPS will be right after him. Carrol Spinney does a masterful job conveying Big Bird's innocnece and pain throughout the picture and part of why it hits so hard is his earnestness. It makes me miss the guy that much more seeing just HOW brilliant he was in the role. THe heart the emotion, he's a true master at Muppetry.

The film DOES ballance the melancholy at the center well: while it's got a downbeat tone in a lot of it for obvious reasons, it ballances it with heart: Big Bird is warmly naive and befriends anyone he meets wehter it's some small children or you'd expect or of all people country music legend I know nothing about whatsoever Waylon Jennings. Why is it the Seasame Street Movie iis one of the weirder ones i've seen. It's Big Bird's genuine kindness and childish innocence that keep the film from getting too dark. For instance with said kids we go form him sadly reflecting on being alone to spending a day with the kids goofing off while their parents are trapped in the negative zone, I guess.

Also helping are the rest of the main cast. Naturally while Big Bird's the titular bird to follow , our heroes are going to follow him. They see a news report about his running away lead by Chevy Chase, with of course Kermit showing up in his original role as newsman, something that's werid to me. This was also Jim's last film performance as Kermit, and it seems fitting that kermit end his film career with some old friends.

So the Seasame Street crew splits up into teams: America's faviorite power couple in a biplane,the count riding solo in his bat mobile ah ah ah, Maria (the big sister style oft voice of reason on the team) unfortunatley gets saddled with Oscar who in natural oscar fashion keeps derailing the quest, and Gordon, his sister olivia, and Cookie monster all pile into a car with Linda, a local deaf librarian. ALl the human actors are pretty good but me and @jess-the-vampire got a good chuckle out of the fact that they still act like their on a show for small children with all the overacting that implies. Having seen seasame street I spotted the style ofa cting at once and it still works fine here it's just weirder to see it when the stakes are far higher. Linda is the easy stand out, a deaf actress who not only revolutionzed portryals of deaf people on tv with her apperances on seasame street but is damn funny and energetic the whole film and is easily the standout of the huaman performers. And of course capping them all off is Grover on his own as SUPER GROVER!

Along the way the gang gets into various hyjinks: Bert and Ernie go upside down and sing an upside down song while chasing Big BIrd north by northwest style, something we'll get into more when we get to their song.

We also get one of my faviorite set pieces as Oscar forces his party to go to the goruch cafe, with only Linda going inside (Telly and some other guy are also along) with him: we get sandra berhanrd as a waitress, the food you'd imagine from a place like this and then throw up from thinking that, and salad served by catapult.

Finally we have one of my faviorite runners, the fact that Cookie monster spends the entire movie SLOWLY eating Gordon's car. By the end it's barely back and he owes them

I was also suprised he ate something besides a cookie. Granted unlike others I didn't get my hackles up when he switched to veggies, I got why, but I assumed those were the only two things he ate.. and was delighed when emma pointed me to THIS PAGE ON THE MUPPET WIKI.

Yes folks it's a list of EVERYTHING cookie monster has ate. My faviorites include:

An Aretha Franklin Record The Most Snowballs Two Safes Telephone 1973 Ford F-250 Pickup Truck Nearly All of Seasame Street Brick Wall Filmstrip and Rosebud A Baskedt Faith Hill and Tim MCGraw's Kaledioscope Ernie's Ukelele Smoking Pipes A Guitar (And never drew a dime) Ernie's Frying Pan Autumn Leaves NPR Microphone Stephen Colbert's Peabody Award Emmy A Sneaker Wooden Toy House TV Guide Logo Mattresses A Rock Two Hot Dogs and a Donut Bust Stop Sign Paper Clip, Egg Timer, and Microwave Cords Jack Black's Xbox 360 Half of Ernie's PIllow Bicycle Dr. Zhivagho John Oliver's Tie

And just for the anti vegtable eating idiots: An apple, bannaa, carrot, grapes, watermellon, yam, two apples ah ah ah, asaparagus, raisins, cucumber spears, carrot sticks, more apples, even more apples, and more bananas.

I also had no idea he and Ernie used to be friends.. though I can see why it's also in past tense. Where was I? Oh yes, these antics help ballance the deep sadness of the main plot making things work: we see plenty of misery from poor big bird, but the wacky hyjinks ballance it just so.

Speaking of which in addition to the muppets, what good would a muppet film be without a hammy villian who can match the muppets. And this one picked two excellent canditates, two people I never thoguht i'd see in a muppet film and who had I known were in this would've watched it long before I started this series: Dave Thomas and Joe Flahrety as Sam and Sid Sleaze!

Yeah for most of you they'd be before your generation.. or mine even. But thanks to binging SCTV dvd's in college I know these two as sketch performers supreme and with the film shot in canada, they were perfect. The two perfeclty play the sleazes as over the top villians with Sam as the slightly smater one asnd Sid as the goofy idiot, and both hamming it up as they tended to anyway. Their bits tend to read as an SCTV sketch that ocasionally guest stars muppets, and that is not ab ad thing> The bit with them extording a nickle from a kid to let him off a ferris wheel kill me and the two's comedic timing is great, with dave in paticular getting to ham it up about money. The two are just fantastic, while also being nicely cruel when needed whent hey imprisoin a 6 year old for thier own finacial gain. The shot of joe crying druing the most heartbreaking scene of the film, which we'll ocne again get to shortly, is something i'll be using for some time

The two are just great and as an added bonus I assumed, being a big star at this point, John Candy wouldn't share a scene with his two co stars… and I was wrong as John's one cameo is arresting the two fo them and i'ts glorious. I would like to see the rest of the sctv cast such as rick moaranis, eugene levy and cathrine o hara show up in a muppets production if they haven't yet as this showed me just how great it could be, and while they never got their co stars success, Dave and Joe REALLY are on the level of the others and this film shows it. Their easily top tier muppet villians and only charles grodin or tim curry may surpass them. Thankfully the Sleazes don't kidnap big bird long as some kids call seasaame street, they call our various heroes and they come resuce him. I also love how adorable the climactic chase is. They managed to get Big Bird's cage open before the sleazes took off with him, but Big Bird bein ga children is reluctant to jump and takes some gentle coaxing to jump.

Naturally they return home and while Mrs. Finch finds them she finally realizes family is not your species or race.. but who you love and who loves you and agrees to back the hell off. It's a happy ending and a truly great film. The film deftly ballances comedy and melacholy to create something truly special, that's just sappy enough without going too far and really touches the heart. It also has a great soundtrack and has been tradition lately, let's break it down:

Musical Muppetry:

We oepn with the Grouch Anthem, a gloriously batshit way to open the film as Oscar stands in front of a flag pattons tyle and goes on and on about his grouchy creed while other grouches back him up. Did I see this coming? No. Did I love every second of it? You better you bet.

Ain't No Road Too Long is our Waylon Jennings number and I loved it too, a nice jolly road song. The kind you need in this kind of film in the vein of movin right along or on the open road.

One LIttle Star is truly heartbrekaing as Big Bird and Snuffy sing to each other in absentia, as does Olivia because apparently she did this a lot. If a small child and his weird friend who everyone assumed wasn't real for several years , and his surrogate aunt singing about how much they miss each other dosne't break your heart you do not have one and I do not know why your here.

Easy Goin Day is a fun number with Kermit playing with some other kids. Simple, nice, and a nice break from the overwhelming misery before OH NO MISS FINCH IS BACK.

Upside Down World is probably my faviorite number, burt and ernie just singing upside down in a plane… and Jim Henson and Frank Oz really WERE upside down for this one, and sang it upside down as a result. The dedication these men have to a good muppet stunt is amazing and I love them for it.

I'm So Blue comes very close though and if you thought One LIttle Star was heartbreaking, this is heart atomizing as poor Kermit sings painted blue in a cage while Joe Flarhety rightfully sobs. one of the saddest, most emotoinal numbers in any muppet film and only not THE most emotoinal because When Love is Gone exists. True poetry

Rankings:

The sountrack as you can see lands in a solid fourth place, just inching out the muppets take manhattan. It's good but it's not the best.

Movie wise it also lands in fourth beating out Muppet Treasure Island, as I feel the character work is stronger here, and given how hard it's been to crack the top spots that's high praise but this film more than earns it. If you haven't seen it yet it's on HBO Max and I highly recommend it and i'm happy to own it. Check it out as soon as you can.

Next Month: Emma takes a break and it's Kev's turna s we enter one of the muppets few purely for adults experiments as live from new york IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT with the land of gorch. Thanks for reading…. this has been a great year of content and I can't wait to see what year 2 of monthly muppets brings.

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Finding Home

a fic about @asocial-nebula‘s demons and angels AU!!!!

i’m sorry it’s kinda short. i had to use my mom’s Adderall today and that’s only, like, 20mg, so it doesn’t last as long. plus it’s the evening so it’s mainly worn off, but i really wanted to write something for this AU!!!

also, Nikola, i am so sorry if things are inaccurate. is Hell an underground cave system? does it have animals? running water? blankets???? i don’t know. i am very, very sorry if it’s inaccurate. i tried. but still!! i hope you enjoy!!!

Word count: 2281

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Joan remembered the first time she disappointed the House of Pride. And everyone else around her.

It was still morning and Hell’s caverns were as hot as always. Joan had wiggled out of her cave and glided down to the craggy pavilion where a female demon with cold eyes and large cinnamon colored wings stood. She hissed for attention and Joan, along with the others around her, straightened up. 

  “This hunt is for the head of the House himself.” The demon had said. “The first one to bring back a Magma Pig will get a spot next to him at dinner this evening.”

Joan perked up. That was exactly what her poor reputation needed, so she had been one of the first to shoot off from the pavilion after the word was given.

She wasn’t the best flier, especially because of searing back pain from the strain of her big wings on her little body, but she pushed through the screaming of her aching muscles this one time. 

She flapped through the tunnels, barely dodging pillars of rocks and pointy stalagmites that seemed to be doing everything in their power to knock her out of the air. She spun through two reaching rock shelves and broke out into a large cave where a glowing pink waterfall flowed from a crevice in the wall, drifting into a winding river. Steam rose from the surface; everything down in the caverns seemed to be boiling hot. The sultry heat made her wingbeats sluggish and her scales feel like they were melting off, but she shook them out and scanned the cave.

There!

A Magma Pig was drinking by the river. She was huge, with fiery red pelt and streaks of gold that glowed like active lava. Her tucks were long and wickedly sharp, and she would definitely put up a fight, but Joan would win.

Joan flexed her claws, flashing her fangs in a smirk. She could already hear all the praise she would get when she brought back such a big swine. Her tail began to wag excitedly. She spread her wings and swooped--

But something stopped her mid-dive.

Piglets. Baby Magma Pigs.

There were three in total, and they frolicked out of a crack in the wall, grunting and squealing blissfully. Two began to playfight, while the other hobbled over to its mother and headbutted her leg affectionately. The mom made a loving noise, nuzzling the baby’s cheek, then submerged her snout back into the water for another drink.

Joan’s claws lost their slack. She hovered in the air, unable to bring herself to kill the family. What would the babies do without their mama? They would die!

  “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” A voice suddenly boomed across the cavern. A large demon with orange-gold wings came zipping out of one of the tunnels, followed by two others. “Are you a demon or an angel? Kill that pig!”

Joan floundered, nearly falling right out of the air. The orange-winged demon sneered in disgust and shoved past her roughly. She spun down to the cave floor and hit a rock roughly.

  “Wait--” She shouted, but one of the other demons already dove down and snatched the pig up, slicing her throat. The other one managed to grab two piglets and snap their necks, while the last one got away through a hole in the wall.

The baby was alone. It was going to die.

  “Why didn’t you kill it?” The orange-winged demon asked. “No kill could be easier! Are you really that stunted and useless?”

  “I-I--” Joan pulled her wings around her like she thought they would protect her.

  “I bet she was worried about the little baby pigs.” The demon that had killed the mother said, landing with a thump and a splattering of pig blood. “She didn’t want to leave them all alone with no mommy to take care of them. The poor wittle furballs.” Her voice was mocking and cruel.

  “No!” Joan cried. “That isn’t it! I-I was going to kill it! I-I just--”

  “Save it.” The orange-winged demon hissed. “I don’t want to hear your excuses. You’re pathetic.”

Joan had stared miserably at her feet. That day, she knew her treatment would only worsen, especially when the news of her failure got to the rest of the House of Pride. And it did.

For as long as she could remember, she was not like the other demons that prowled around Hell. They were all strong and big and powerful and knew what they were doing at all times. She was the exact opposite, it seemed, with her too big wings and too small body and too bright eyes. She wasn’t enough, ever. No matter how much she sharpened her claws on rocks or filed her teeth to points with bones or perfected her magic, her attempts always blew up in her face--literally, sometimes.

She was just--messed up. And she didn’t know how to fix herself.

The other demons saw her a mockery to their race. A waste of magic and scales. Their harassment became a ritual of sorts, a daily cycle of let’s stomp on Joan’s tail and let’s leave Joan stranded up on the tallest cliff because her wings were too weak and too big for her to properly fly and let’s dunk Joan into the scalding pools until she starts to drown and let’s rake our claws down Joan’s stomach again and again and again until she squeals like a stuck pig beneath our talons. It never ended.

And then, Cathy entered her life.

Cathy was like a rope ladder dropped from heaven--and in a way, she was. She was a fallen angel, banished from the ethereal world for reasons Joan didn’t know. But even with her new horns and darkened scleras and black wings, she was still an angel in Joan’s eyes.

Cathy had saved her from a particularly painful beating from a trio of demons. She thought they would have ripped her tail right out of her back if Cathy hadn’t come along and scared them off with very rude threats and mighty wingbeats and slashing claws. They didn’t speak to each other, rather just exchanged looks before Cathy walked away silently, but Joan felt a connecting between the two of them.

So she started following Cathy around. She was like a duckling of sorts, always somewhere near Cathy, whether the fallen angel liked it or not. A silent bond was created--at least on Joan’s part. She felt safe and happy around Cathy, even if they barely interacted. Being near her was enough.

But of course, like every good thing in her life, Cathy was taken away.

One day, Cathy just--disappeared. Joan looked everywhere, searching every nook and cranny in Hell, but couldn’t find a trace of the fallen angel. All that she had left of her were the things in her cave, which she started staying in to retain a shred of that connection they had. Cathy’s scent on ragged blue blankets were the only thing that kept her calm during anxiety attacks. She liked to pretend the covers were actually Cathy’s wings swaddling her and holding her close, protecting her from everything, no matter how different she was. And Cathy would be there when she looked up, smiling lovingly down at her, telling her how wonderful she was and how much she cared about her. Sure, Cathy never said that before or made any indications that she thought that way, but it was her fantasies that kept her going.

The abuse from other demons started back up shortly after that. Shoving, biting, scratching, vicious maiming that left her bloody and bruised--it all seemed so much worse than it did before. Perhaps because of what her attackers would say, telling her that Cathy left because of her, that she couldn’t stand being around such a pathetic waste of space, that she would rather die than be around her for one more second, that she ran off into the human world because facing the dangers there would be better than having to be with her.

The last comment sparked something in Joan’s head mid-beating. If Cathy wasn’t in Hell, then she was somewhere else.

After a year of Cathy being missing, Joan set off to the portal to the mortal realm.

Everyone said not to go in there. Everyone said they wouldn’t make it out alive, but Joan still went anyway. All she brought with her was Cathy’s blue blanket, as the fallen angel’s scent would keep her going when she wanted to lay down and die.

And she did.

A lot.

The pits leading to the portal were worse than everyone said. They were dark, for one, and so tight in some places that Joan got stuck for several terrifying moments. There were also.../things/ down there. Awful things with sharp claws and hundreds of eyes and gnashing teeth. One that Joan encountered was pale white and wrinkly. It crawled across the cave walls and ceiling, only jumping down to cling to Joan’s back and shred her wings. She just barely managed to shake it off right as it was going to pull out her spine.

There was also something very big and very red and very scary. It broke Joan’s ribs to pieces when its tail swung into her chest. For a few moments, she stopped breathing, then splayed her claws and stuck them into the monster’s eyes. It screeched and left her alone. For now.

By the time Joan finally got to the portal, she could only crawl, much too weak to stand up. Her chest was so bruised it looked black, she was bleeding all over, one of her horns was broken, her tail was bent at an abnormal position, and she couldn’t even feel her wings anymore. In fact, she wasn’t feeling a lot of things...the pain was starting to go away…

Joan collapsed into a pool of her own blood and began to weep. Everything hurt so badly. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt if she just laid here for a little while… She didn’t even have to go through the portal because when she looked up, Cathy was there, smiling at her and saying sweet things to her. Her ears were too clogged with blood to actually hear her, but she was sure they were the nicest, most loving comments ever.

Joan reached out to Cathy, and Cathy disappeared.

Only her blanket was there, so stained with blood there was only a single splotch of blue left. But Cathy’s scent still lingered.

Joan had to get up.

She crawled the rest of the way to the portal, clutching Cathy’s blanket to her chest. She leaned against the onyx mantle, breathing harshly. She stared into the swirling white mass before her, so bright it made her eyes prickle in discomfort.

  “Cathy…” She mumbled, feeling very dizzy. She wanted to rest. She was so tired… “Wait...for me...Cathy… I’m...I’m coming…”

Then, she reached out and touched the portal.

There were flashes of bright white and blinding silver. Joan screamed into the light, feeling like she was being burned alive. Her little body shook with violent tremors, then began to tingle intensely. 

Was she dying? Was the portal really a trap to fry demons? Was this all a trick?

Would she never see Cathy again?

Joan opened her eyes to a clear blue sky. She was laying half in green grass that wasn’t completely charred and half in water that didn’t feel like it was going to boil her. Noises sounded all around her- distant talking, far away laughing children, croaking frogs, chirping birds. 

She was here.

The mortal world.

She made it.

And when she looked up, she saw her.

Cathy.

She didn’t have her wings and horns and tail, and her eyes looked normal, but it was Cathy. 

  “Cathy--” Joan staggered to her feet. She nearly blacked out, but clung to consciousness, which felt much weaker than it did in Hell, and began dragging her agony-infected body forward.

  “Cathy, Cathy, Cathy, Cathy…” Joan mumbled over and over again. She clutched the bloody blanket close to her chest. What if Cathy got mad that she got it messy? Maybe she should go back to the pond and wash it really quickly… No, she had to see Cathy first.

Weird. Cathy seemed so happy with those humans around her. Weren’t humans disgusting and weak and useless? Why did that one in the green shirt kiss her cheek like that? And was that Jane? She remembered that she had gone missing, too. She looked different as well. Did the humans do something to them? They must have cut off their wings and tail. She had to save Cathy!!

Joan tried to run, but her knees buckled and white hot agony rocketed through her entire being. She whimpered sharply.

  “Cathy, please-- I need--you--”

One of the humans, one with short brown hair, turned its head in her direction and shouted something in shock. The others all looked over and had the same reaction. But Joan was only looking at Cathy.

She dropped the blanket and reached out her shaking hands.

  “Cathy…”

And then, the ground rushed up to meet her; she was back in the grass. Everything was starting to fade into darkness. She began to cry. She didn’t want to die. Not without Cathy holding her.

But the blackness was closing in. She was so weak and everything hurt so much and she was just so tired…

The last thing she remembers was someone yelling her name, then everything cut out.

She hoped Cathy wouldn’t be mad about the blanket.

[trashyswitch]

Patton, the Cute Little Puppy Baby Bat Fly Fly Baby Dog(s)

Patton LOVES turning himself into Talyn! Why? Because Patton wants to be tiny! And Talyn is tiny!

Roman, Virgil and Logan absolutely appreciate this, and decide to take advantage of it!

Tiny Disclaimer: I will be identifying Talyn as they/them, Patton as him/he, and Palyn as they/them. Though I know that Patton (Thomas) identifies as a man, I wanna make Palyn non-binary, to suit Talyn and to not upset anyone who's incredibly protective and technical about the whole thing. I love, support and respect non-binary folks (I have a couple friends who identify as such), and would hate to accidentally misgender someone.

(Though, I often mix up male and female pronouns as it is...It's a blessing/curse of mine...😂)

Ever since the 'Making Some Changes' video, Patton has loved being able to walk around like Thomas's friends! He loved being Joan and making him laugh, he appreciated being Valerie just for the fun of it, he absolutely LOVED becoming Talyn to become more adorable, and he loved becoming other people he's befriended! Heck, Patton has even become the voices of Steven Universe to make a Steven Universe joke!

After a while, Patton narrowed down which of Thomas's friends were his favorite to become. Soon, he had decided that his favorite person to turn himself into was: Talyn!

Why, you're probably asking? Well you see: It's simple, really: they’re tiny, therefore adorable! Patton is adorable, but missing the short-statured part! So, becoming Talyn made that a lot easier!

Every part of Talyn was very tiny compared to Thomas. Tiny stature, tiny body size, tiny head, tiny voice! The only thing that WASN'T tiny, was their life!

Plus...doing Talyn's Danny Devito impression was ALWAYS fun to make fun of...

Virgil didn't know how he felt about Patton becoming Talyn at first...To be honest, it was a little confusing. If Virgil was looking away and heard Talyn's voice, he'd have to turn around to figure out if Talyn was ACTUALLY there, or if it was just Patton messing around. But eventually, Virgil got used to it and began to have fun with it! He'd treat Talyn Patton like a little child (That was Patton's dream come true!), started making short jokes, and even began putting his sweater on the tiny Patton! Eventually, Virgil would go as far as to ruffle up Patton's different-colored hair!

Sometimes when Patton would turn into Talyn, Patton would show off the many different hairstyles Talyn has sported over the years! The firey red long hair, the bisexual flag-colored hair (plus eyebrows), the green long hair, the yellowish faded short hair, the grey and black short hair, you name it! Patton tried them all out on himself!

Roman absolutely loved it! He loved being able to see Talyn Patton! Roman eventually came up with a name that could describe the tiny Patton: Palyn! Roman would give the tiny Palyn piggyback rides, cuddles, hugs, and even dress them up in adorable outfits and do their make up! The Patton-being-Talyn thing didn't change anything about him! So, it only made their friendship stronger!

Meanwhile, Logan had started out...worried about the idea...What if Patton began to wish he was Talyn, and began associating himself as Talyn forever? Everyone would miss Patton's squared glasses and bigger, more lovable body. But soon, Logan learned that this was more of an appreciation thing, and not an identity thing. So, Logan began appreciating Palyn and treating them the same way he would treat Patton.

One of the days, Patton had turned himself into Talyn and began going through Patton's closet. In the closet, were multiple blue-collared shirts, a single grey shirt for tying around the neck, and Patton's cat hoodie! Palyn decided to grab the hoodie, and put it on their tiny self.

It...is gigantic...It's like wearing a hoodie dress! It fell down to their knees, and the sleeves were SUPER long! Palyn giggled at how silly they looked, and put the hood on with their sleeve-covered hands.

The hood practically drowned their head in grey fabric...

But, Palyn didn't care! They felt happy! They felt drowned in love! Now, Palyn wanted to show it off! So, off they went: running into the living room to where the rest of the sides might've been.

"Hey Palyn!" Roman said before running up the person, picking them up to hug them and spinning around in the hug.

"'Palyn'? You're calling Patton Palyn now?" Virgil asked.

Roman slowed his spinning to a halt and placed them down. "It's a mix of Patton and Talyn! P-a-l-y-n! Palyn!" Roman explained.

"...I approve this name. I believe it suits-" Logan lifted up his glasses to look down at his vocabulary cards. "sssmmooooolll-'smol' Patton, nicely." Logan told them.

Virgil rolled his eyes. "Right context, bad grammar. Good try, though." Virgil corrected.

"Strange...What context would you use this in?" Logan asked, having his vocabulary card ready to take notes.

"To start: 'Smol' is not an adjective. It's a 'noun', meaning: 'something that's tiny, cute and squish-able'. The best way you could use it, is through a nickname: Smol bean, which means the same thing, basically." Virgil explained briefly.

Logan nodded as he finished up his note-taking. "Okay. Thank you, Virgil. Now, I will turn my attention to the 'smol bean' that's right beside me." Logan stated. Palyn had started jumping up and down, and clapping its covered hands excitedly as Roman lightly squeezed his cheeks.

"Aren't they the most adorable hooman being you've ever seen?" Roman asked. Logan's eyes widened as he started going through his vocabulary cards again. Realizing that word was missing from his deck, Logan conjured up a new vocabulary card and a pen to write it down.

"hoo-man...how do you spell that?" Logan asked.

"H-o-o-m-a-n." Palyn told him.

Logan followed Palyn's spelling. "Okay, and what does it mean?" Logan asked.

Virgil gave Logan a 'seriously?' face, but still decided to help him out. "It's a version of the word 'human'. Gen Z's decided to turn it into 'hooman', so that they can describe what us humans are, according to dogs and cats.'" Virgil explained. "Here: Patton, can you demonstrate?" Virgil asked, pulling the hood off their head.

To demonstrate, Palyn curled his wrists in front of his chin like a puppy, and began acting like a talking dog. "Hooman? Hooman give me food? Am I good pupper? Pupper good boy? LUV ME HOOMAN!" Palyn demonstrated before hugging Logan from behind the couch.

Patiently, Palyn waited for Logan to say something. Logan didn't know what to say...Well, he did, but...how? Should he just tell him in his normal, monotone voice? Or should he attempt the messy grammar that Palyn used?

"Uuuh...Yes..." Logan started, before patting their head awkwardly. "Palyn is a good boy." Logan replied in an awkward version of his monotone voice.

Suddenly, Palyn gasped and smiled widely as he let go of Logan! "I'm a good boy! I'm a GOOD BOY! ROMAN! ROMAN! I'M A GOOD BOY!" Palyn shouted, spinning circles around the man excitedly. As he sprinted around Roman, Patton's sweater sleeves would fly outwards behind his back. It was a hilarious little feature that came with Palyn.

"You what I think Wittle ol' pawyn might want?" Roman asked, getting Palyn's attention. Palyn quickly stopped his running right in front of Roman, still filled with endless energy. "I think...Palyn needs some spins!" Roman declared, becoming the ultimate babysitter in the group. Roman picked up Palyn from behind, and began spinning them around. Both of Palyn's eyes and mouth widened in excitement as they got spun around like a really quick-spinning carousel! Virgil, in order to avoid getting a pair of legs to the groin, quickly jumped onto the safe couch, which lie out of bounds from the crazy carousel in the room.

"WHEEEEEEEEEE! FASTER ROMAN! FASTER!" Patton shouted happily.

"NO! DON'T go any faster! This is fast enough!" Virgil warned him, quickly becoming the anxious parent in the family.

Roman continued to spin them for a little longer, before slowing down the chilc. He didn't wanna overdo it.

"What do you wanna do next?" Roman asked.

Palyn's face lit up. "Hide and seek with tickles?" Palyn asked.

Roman gasped, and clapped his hands together. "Great idea!" Roman reacted, excitedly.

"Can I join? I wanna be it." Virgil asked.

"Sure!" Roman replied.

"I'd like to be it as well." Logan piped up.

"Of course! The more, the merrier!" Roman replied, before looking back at Patton. "Okay. You can start hiding, while we start counting." Roman reacted with a smirk.

Palyn stared at his lers for a couple seconds before he quickly sprinted away, over-sized hoodie, tiny legs and all.

Roman started the counting up from zero, while Logan and Virgil counted on their fingers along with him."1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10! 11...12-" Roman counted.

By this point, Palyn had successfully found their little hiding spot.

"...13...14...15...16...17...18...19...20! Ready or not, here I come!" Roman called.

Roman began looking around for the little adult. He was fully aware of which way they had ran. But, Roman wanted to make this as teasy and fun as possible! So, he started out by looking throughout the living room for them. After taking a minute or so of looking, all 3 lers moved onto the kitchen.

"I wonder...Where would our adorable Palyn be?" Roman asked, checking under the table as he teased.

Virgil tiptoed towards the sink, and quickly whipped the door open. As anticipated, no one was there. "Not under the sink..." Virgil told the captain out loud.

"He's not in the stove...which is good. We wouldn't want Palyn turning into a roast dinner by the time we're done..." Logan stated, purposefully being a little funny to get Palyn giggling.

Next, the three lers moved onto the bedrooms. For this part, Logan, Roman and Virgil all split up to check their rooms.

Logan went to his own room. Checking under the bed, checking the closet, checking under his desk, even checking in the wash basket! but...Palyn was nowhere to be found.

Roman went to his room as well. He checked in the magical closet, checked his mirror door, even double checked under his huge teddy bear! But...he was nowhere to be seen.

Virgil quickly checked his room too. He checked under his bed covers, checked behind the dressers, and even checked his closet of hoodies-

Wait a second...One of these sweaters is not dark like the others...One of them happens to be a light grey, and...is wearing brown-pants? That's GOTTA be Palyn!

So...Virgil turned himself around, and began to leave the room. "He's not in here." Virgil yelled to his fellow lers.

"He's not in my room either." Roman replied.

"Absent in mine." Logan said.

Before Roman could suggest the next place, Virgil put a finger over his mouth and signaled for them to follow him. Virgil led them into his room, and showed them the...obvious color-change in the closet. For now though, all 3 lers stood at the door frame to discuss their 'problem' out loud.

"Well, I gotta say: He is absolutely no where to be found! And I don't believe Patton would hide himself in his own room...would he?" Roman asked loudly.

Suddenly, a little sound could be heard in the distance...an adorable little giggle, bouncing off the walls back to them.

"Wait...Do you hear that? I think Palyn might be giving us hints to where he is." Logan told them.

"I can hear it too. It's a cute little giggle. It sounds a bit like Talyn's, but with a flare of...Thomas in it..." Virgil described.

"Could it be..." Roman asked, drifting off.

"Palyn?" Everyone said at the same time.

It only took a second for Palyn's giggles to grow louder in volume.

"Maybe we should let the giggles lead us to our hider..." Logan suggested.

"Oooh, good idea!" Roman replied.

So, all three of the lers walked around in the hallway, pretending to listen closely for where the giggles might be coming from.

"Hey Virgil! I think they might be in your room!" Roman declared, winking at him.

Virgil smiled and nodded to Roman, before walking up to the door. "Really? But I already checked here! How in the world could they be hiding in a place I already checked?" Virgil asked out loud.

"Well, perhaps you didn't check hard enough?" Logan suggested.

Virgil rolled his eyes, but winked at Roman to go in. "Move over, my grim, royal poet! I, will check the room." Roman declared, opening the door.

Patton's giggles had started coming on strong again. So, Roman decided to pretend to look absolutely everywhere, except for the one place they were in. The longer he looked around, the louder Palyn's giggling became!

After looking absolutely everywhere, Roman turned around with his fingers together in the shape of a handgun!

"Palyn! Put your hands up where I can see 'em!" Roman yelled, pointing the finger gun at the closet.

Palyn immediately put their hands up upon demand. Palyn began to giggle more now.

"You're under arrest!" Roman ordered. "Officer Logan, Officer Virgil, we've got 'em." Roman ordered. Running up to the 'crime scene', was was his back up officers: Virgil with one finger gun and a shield, and Logan with his finger gun and a walkie-talkie in hand. Palyn, in his giggly state, slowly walked out of the closet and knelt down to their knees. "Palyn, you are under arrest for adorableness in the first degree! How do you plead?" Roman asked, pretending to hold a microphone now.

Patton, through his giggles, attempted to answer. "G-Guihihihilty! Ihihi'm guihihihihiltyhyhy!" Patton replied.

"You've heard it here, folks! They are guilty! Therefore:" Roman acted, before pretending to bang a gavel against a wooden striking block. "I sentence you to 15 minutes of tickles!" Roman ordered. Suddenly, Roman ran up to them with finger claws and a growling sound! Palyn squeaked in excitement and practically flopped onto the ground, happy to take the ticklish 'sentence'. Roman began to shove his hands underneath the grey cat sweater, and began to squeeze, claw, and flutter his fingers all over Palyn's upper body.

Palyn bursted out in high-pitched laughter, and began rolling back and forth to cope with the tickles. Next, Virgil joined Roman on the ground, and began fluttering his fingers on Palyn's ticklish, tiny neck. With the bigger fingers on the tinier neck, Virgil was able to cover more ground all at once.

"EEEEEEEK! VIHIHIHIRGAHAHAHAL! EEEEhehehehehahahahaha! Ihihihihit TIHIHihihickles!" Palyn reacted, flailing the long, grey sleeves absolutely everywhere.

Roman gasped in surprise. "ReAllY?! it TiCkLeS?! I had NO CLUE! Virgil, did you know this?" Roman reacted dramatically.

"No, I didn't! I'm quite surprised! What about you, Logan?" Virgil reacted, being a little dramatic as well.

Logan rolled his eyes, but still decided to go along with it. He made a rather empty gasp, and widened his eyes for a split second. "I'm flabbergasted." Logan replied in a monotone voice as he did jazz hands.

"See!? Even LOGAN is going crazy! I simply cannot believe you're ticklish!" Roman reacted.

Logan, wanting to join in as well, knelt down in front of Palyn's feet and began to tickle their socked feet as well.

"HEHEHEHEHEY! NAHAHAHAT MYHYHY FEEHEHEHEHEHETSIHIHIHIES!" Patton yelled through a quickly increasing laughing fit.

Logan placed his hands on his cheeks like Kevin in Home Alone, and gasped again. "Wow. Your little footsies are ticklish too? What a surprise." Logan reacted in an empty voice.

Somehow, Logan's mostly dead reactions seemed to make Palyn laugh even more! Perhaps dramatic irony is Palyn's favorite type of humor? Who knows?

"Who's a tickwish wittle chiwd? YOU are! WHO'S de most ticku-ticku-tickwish chiwd in de whole mind pawace? YOU are! Yes, YOU are!" Roman teased in a baby voice.

"THEHE TEHEHEHEHEHEASIHIHIHING! IHIHIHIT'S KIHIHIHIHILLIHIHING MEHEHEHEHE!" Patton shouted.

"Oh! What's this? the teasing is killing you? My goodness! We have to save them! But, how?" Roman reacted dramatically.

"Wait, you're telling me you DON'T know CPR?" Logan asked, pretending along with him.

"Well, do YOU?" Roman asked right back.

"Um-........well no..." Logan admitted.

"Move over, idiots. I know how to do CPR. It's rather easy, really. All you have to do is liiiiift up the hoodie..." Virgil explained as he began lifting the hoodie up to expose Palyn's tummy. Palyn immediately began to giggle in their sleeves. They knew EXACTLY what was coming next. "And...give them a raspberry! Like this:" Virgil explained, before blowing a great big raspberry into Patton's stomach.

Patton let out a loud, high-pitched squeal, before dissolving into endless laughter once again!

"Now, remember: longer raspberries tend to do more to help. So, the longer, the better! Like this!" Virgil explained before blowing an even BIGGER raspberry! Patton squealed once again, and dissolved into even MORE laughter! Virgil's CPR raspberries seemed to go on for another couple minutes. And you could tell, that Palyn was enjoying every second of it!

"IHIHIHI'M AHAHAHALIHIHIHIHIVE! IHIHI'M AHAHALIHIVE!" Patton shouted through their loud laughter.

"Virgil, look! They're alive! You saved them!" Roman reacted happily as he hugged Virgil. Virgil smiled at Palyn, and picked them up bridal style.

"Hey Palyn, would you like to watch a movie and cuddle?" Virgil asked.

"Yes please!" Palyn replied.

"Alright, let's go." Virgil said before carrying Palyn out of his room. Roman and Logan followed suit, and helped them choose a movie to watch.

Pretty soon, all 4 sides had covered themselves in blankets, and let the movie Bambi play on their TV. The truth was, Palyn felt very comfortable. Patton loved being tiny. He loved being cuddled, tickled, loved, and being silly! That was one of the reasons Patton liked turning himself into Talyn. They were allowed to be adorable AND be tiny at the same time.

However: tiny or not, adorable or not, Patton still felt forever loved by his family. The proof was all there, and Palyn loved it.

Fun fact: Most of the nicknames Thomas and his sides come up with, have backstories and deeper meanings.

Example; Nerdy Wolverine: Wolverine's first name is Logan.

Grim, Royal Poet: Grim = another word for Emo. Royal poet represented the well-documented Roman Poet by the name of Virgil, who wrote a violent, suspenseful poem called Aeneid. The poem was one day published by Caesar Augustus, the ruler of the Roman Empire. Cool, huh?!

Funny thing is, Thomas came across this name by accident! What a coincidence!! 😃

[trixi3z]

Wittle joan....

[nutslovesdolts]

First date SilentKnight

-Movie night, first date, meet friends, meet family, puppies for @dark-guerra I'll try to cover them all

(Oh this'll be fun hehehe, I swear if I run out of space with this one!!!!!)

Jaune: *holding Neo's hand as all new couples do* huh... I was literally AT the fall of Beacon, so were yo- right not the best topic... sorry, but that was NOT how it happened!

Neo: *frantic signing*

Jaune: EXACTLY!, there were 4 ships I think? Not just the one... wait what actually happened to them all

Neo: *slyly signing ((ill have content for what she says later just not now haha))*

Jaune: ... THE ENTIRE CREW

Neo: *proud stance and nod*

Jaune: ... remind me never to piss you off... again, were you even actually TRYING to kill me? Wait actually I don't want to know

Neo: *silent giggles*

..............

*once everyone had accepted Neo as a changed individual (sorta?) And accepted that for some reason she was dating Jaune of all people, they had a pretty ok friendshio going, Ruby was especially hard to convince because, yeah, but eventually even she came around eventually (neo promised to bake cookies whenever Ruby wanted) it was really just ren and Nora now*

Nora: so let me ge this straight... Jaune somehow managed to get both the worlds hottest warrior and worlds hottest reformed CRIMINAL to fall for him by doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?!

Ren: I think it might be somehow linked to the face that he

Jaune and Ren: grew up with 7 sisters

Jaune: yeah most likely

Neo *silent giggling*

Nora: oh I like her, she looks tough, *slams arm down on the table* WRESTLE ME SISTER!

Neo: *calmly walks over and accepts the challenge*

*after 6 minutes of Nora struggling and Neo yawning*

Neo: *slams Nora's hand through the table before covering her mouth with her hand to hide her smile*

Nora: OH I LIKE HER!

Ren: *reaches out to shake her hand* welcome to the family

Neo: *looks at his hand cautiously before shaking it with a smile*

................ *visiting Neo's friends/family*

Jaune: so you buried him here?

Neo: *nods sadly*

Jaune: *hugs her tight* I'm sorry... grim... there... they take everything from us... no matter who's side were on

Neo: *grips his arm tighter and crys silently into his sholder*

..............*visiting Jaune's family, well his mother and one if his sisters Violet who also happens to be Mute like Neo, hence why Jaune knows sign, everyone else was out without knowing of the twos arival ahead of time*

Joac Ark: it's so nice to see a young Woman has taken interest in my wittle Jaunie, and such a beautiful woman at that!

Neo: *bows before turning and signing with Violet about things to use to mess with Jaune later*

Joan: you really know how to pick em son, I'm proud of you, and she really seems to like Violet!, so nice of her to have someone to talk to

Jaune: She kinda picked me, I'm one of the few people who knew sign tk help coordinate our attack on Cinder, without that, there's no way we would have won...

Joan: oh don't focus on that now, just enjoy yourself, and enjoy her hehe

Jaune: MOM!

Neo and Violet: *smirk*

.............. *at the Xiou-long residence where Zwei had found a lady friend and is the proud father of 6 newborn pups*

Ruby: *glaring at Neo* careful with them, they require a soft touch, they're still young and soft, don't do anything tk scare them

Neo: *putting her hands up defensively* *signing*

Jaune: she says she would never do anything to hurt such cute young pups, only people... NEO!

Neo: *silent giggles at Ruby and Jaune's faces* *signing*

Jaune: i think they like you Neo!

*one puppy colored pink, brown and tan was nuzzling up to Neo's boot, she picked it up cradling it gently*

Ruby: mabye she's not so bad, ok Jaune, you wanted to take woofies and cream home?

Jaune: thats the plan, I didn't tell Neo yet but I have everything ready at home

Ruby: he's all yours, it seems he already likes Neo!

Jaune: yeah... so do I hehe

Ruby: *punches his arm lightly* not bad Jaune not bad at all

Woofies and cream: BARK

....................

Yeah hope you like it, and this concludes the prompts as they are thus far, hope you all enjoyed and as always, have a great day/night depending on where you are!

[bowtomypointlesswords]

Resist as a video game

I saw an ask someone sent to @dramaticvoiceover and it sparked in me a desire to answer it too. I'll probably do one of these for all my stories but let's start here first.

Resist would work best as an open world similar to Red Dead Redemption 2. There's a story but you can leave it and do other things. That said it could also work as an old school game like Ratchet and Clank, Sly Cooper, or Spyro.

Shana: Shana would be an opponent you would meet more than once. Friend or foe she's not pulling punches. The first time she'd be using fire magic, slow and easy to dodge, or counter. Each attack would be methodical. Getting close to her is a bad idea, she's faster with her fists than her flames.

The second time you'd face her she'd be stronger, faster, and throwing water and ice at you. She'd be one of those bosses with three health bars you have to wittle down, able to take a beating and barely flinch. Her magic would be much faster, and she'd run out if it slower. Still, fire would work well and if you stayed moving you'd eventually manage it.

She'd also likely be one of the ones to teach you how to play during the tutorial.

Juliette: Julie would have two fights. One would be before she discovered her magic, and one after. She'd also probably be the one to teach you advanced techniques.

In the first fight she'd be timid, moving constantly, but striking if you got too close. She'd have some range with a gun, but most of her fighting would be hand to hand.

In the second fight she'd be much, much faster. As an air mage this fight would have the potential to be extremely frustrating. She'd be all over the place, and objects would be thrown at you at random. Here range would be your best and only option. You wouldn't be able to get close without stunning her, she'd blast you back with a wall of air.

During her advanced techniques tutorial she'd be more mellowed out. Less magic, more hand to hand, she'd show you how to disguise weapons and target weak points.

Joan: Joan would have several fights. One towards the start where you'd have to take her down quick. This fight would be chaotic, and a good challenge for new players, wild magic she barely has control over.

The next fight would be controlled fire magic, but Joan is a bit of a glass cannon. She's best at range, keeping her distance from the fight. A few solid hits and she'd be down for the count in no time.

She'd probably teach you how to blend in, and how to parkour your way through the world.

Adler: Adler is a tank. More so than Shana is, she's a powerhouse of a fighter. Don't mess with earth mages.

Her fight would be almost like a platformer, jumping up over and around flying stones, pillars, and avoiding tangling vines and roots. She can take damage too. Best to use water or wind magic to keep her in place without letting her move much, or to corner her. Her hand to hand is sloppy, and she relies heavily on her spells, get her to exhaust herself and wittle away her health bar.

Levi: Levi is a master mage. You would learn the basics from him, but fighting him would be a nightmare. Like Shana he's a water mage, but he's also skilled in hand to hand, familiar magic, battle tactics, and he can create weapons from magical energy.

His fight would require tactics, and making sure NOT to get close. Getting close means getting magic blades stabbed into you. Force him into long distance combat, keep far back and don't let his Familiar distract you or get too close either.

Violet: Oh boy, do not face off against Violet. She has had 600 years to perfect her powers and her fighting.

Her fight would be a slow build. She'd start off dodging, not hitting very hard if at all, but keep pushing her and she'd slowly get more and more aggressive. With a vampiric touch she'd also be able to regain health from hurting you so in general this fight would be a pain. You'd also have to have silver, blessed items, or coffin wood to do any damage making it even harder.

Jace: Jace is a frustrating fight because he is the team medic and would be able to heal very quickly. He's also a soldier, meaning getting too close is a bad idea. As a spirit mage most of his attacks would be centered on trying to throw you off balance, make you see things and expend your magic on things that aren't there.

Demetrios: Deme's magic is dangerous. He is smart, quick, and well versed in it. That said, he is very much a glass cannon. Get a few good hits in and he'll crumple. His attacks are strong though and he's a blood mage, he knows how to inflict wounds and screw with your attacks. Draining his magic would be the only way to get close.

Kallea: Now we get to antagonists. You would likely face Kallea repeatedly throughout the game. She's non-magic and rarely travels alone meaning she'd be one of those bosses that summons minions. Distance would be your only shot, get too close and her anti-magic field would drop your hit points slowly as well as drain your magic, but if you can shut that off she's still formidable up close.

Queen Celise: The final fight. She'd obviously be the toughest fight, with powerful magic. But she's also a glass cannon. If you can get close enough you can take her down pretty quick, but she's also one of those "you haven't seen my final form!" Bosses. She'd have multiple rounds to go through before you finally manage to drop her for good.

Okay! So that's the majority of characters in the story, main ones anyway. This was super fun to think about!

Tag List: @westywrites, @firelight-memories, @alonelywriter-me, @thegrimlyreaper, @violetqueenmarie, @reading21books, @incandescent-creativity, @maskedlady, @jess-is-a-writer, @disheveledcorvid

[thearianaplace]

chaos | part 4

“mackenzie joan, marjorie francine and elizabeth alexa,” ariana said as she stood at the doorway of the kitchen. “what have you done to my kitchen?”

“we’s makin’ swime,” mars said.

“it’s not slime. it’s play dough,” kenzie said.

“and whose idea was this?” ariana asked.

“libby’s.”

“she can’t even talk yet.”

“no but she can eat play dough. which she did. so i found a recipe for edible play dough to play with instead.”

“uh huh.”

“they say play dough is non-toxic, but based on libby’s diaper earlier... that has been determined as a lie.”

“i hope you plan on cleaning this mess up,” ariana said as she walked over to the kitchen island and picked libby up. “and you stop eating things that aren’t meant to be eaten.”

“especially your boogers, mars.”

“i no do that,” mars said.

“you do,” ariana said. “it’s icky. you’re not supposed to do that. that’s why we have tissues.”

“yeah, if you blow your nose, you make the kleenex do a little boogie dance,” kenzie said.

ariana chuckled. “you’ve been listening to too many of dad’s jokes.”

“that one was courtesy of uncle frankie.”

“he’s something.”

“untle fwantie’s gay,” mars said. “so is untle hale.”

“i know. do you know what that means?”

“him wikes boys.”

“that’s right.”

“i gay too.”

“you are?”

“yeah, i super gay.”

“oh, is that so?”

“yeah i wike allllll the boys.”

ariana and kenzie laughed.

“that’s not the same thing,” ariana said. “but i’m glad you approve.”

“wait till she finds out that liking boys is a curse,” kenzie said.

“it’s not a curse. it has benefits.”

“like sex?”

ariana narrowed her eyes at her oldest daughter. “that’s one of them... and that can be done with girls too.”

“i know that.”

“how do you know?”

“i’m eleven, not an idiot.”

“you know you can talk to me about that stuff, right?”

kenzie nodded. “i know.”

“are you doing it with someone?”

“momma!”

“i’m serious.”

“i’m not doing that. just stuff.”

“what stuff?”

“nothing, never mind.”

“joan.”

“can’t we talk about this later?”

“we can. but we will be talking about it.”

“okay.”

“i expect you to be honest with me.”

“i will.”

“i’m serious.”

“i know. i’ll tell you everything, just not around baby ears.”

“i not a baby!” mars said.

“you’re too little to hear what me and sissy are gonna talk about. so you can’t be around to hear it. and you’re always my baby,” ariana said.

“libby a baby.”

“she is, but you’re still my baby.”

“i a big girl.”

“you are, but you’re still little.”

“you’s still wittle.”

[cramenjoyer]

not to go apeshit but sam naming herself after a saint is making me go fucking batshit so im going thru my encyclopedia of catholic saints to remind myself who’s who but i’m gonna base a bit of this on my personal feelings and what i remember from other sources so bear with me pls, and feel free to correct me. i’m not catholic nor do i venerate any saints, i just think they’re kinda rad and im love them a lot, so i’m not gonna talk about them with like.... the utmost respect or veneration. trigger warning for discussion of s*xual assault and r*pe of both adults and minors, disordered eating and fasting, mention of emeto stuff, a lot of death (you have to be dead to be a saint but their lives sucked a LOT on top of that), burning, self harm of a sort, torture, and me talking abt them casually and familiarly. like i’m not gonna be rude or something but i did say genevieve has BDE so. 

anyway here are my top picks in no real order:

- joan of arc. i literally cannot even think about this bc its making me go GGGFEGIGGGFGWP but just think about it okay. woman with a fire in her chest and holy words on her tongue and a war all around her. they tried to burn her and she wouldnt die, they had to throw her heart in the river cuz it would not go to ash. a dove flew from her forehead as she succumbed, finally, to the flames, but she went to death with her teeth bared in either a smile or a challenge. literally need to move on i can NOT think abt joan, especially not in relation to sam. god imagine sam thinking about joan...... baby sam imagining being a girl warrior burning up!!!! owie.

- irene!!!! she hid holy scripture basically. they burned her sisters and she was sent to a soldiers’ brothel, chained and stripped, but god protected her from anything happening. she was killed either by flames or an arrow to the throat. she was also a martyred virgin so thats a thing also. idk i like her and her name is nice so she’s going on here.

- dympna / dymphna. i am gonna go genuinely nutso if i think abt sam as dympna for too long. she’s a virgin martyr saint and she’s a protector of children, the mentally ill and traumatized, victims of sexual abuse especially as children, psychology/psychiatry, and she was literally murdered by her dad. hello. her feast day is also the day of her martyrdom at age 15, the 15th of may, and that’s close enough to sam’s birthday that i am thinking about it!! or maybe jack... oh Fuck.... (also her name means little poetess and like,,,, thats cute as shit and im OBSESSED w it. not to be trans but Name Acquired for me AND jack AND sam.) if you don’t think 14 or 15 yr old sam went to the shrine of dymphna in ohio while john was hunting and she didn’t break the fuck down, you’re wrong! she’s often called the lily of eire or the demon slayer, and she’s depicted in green and white, holding a sword pricking the neck of a demon, having a chained devil at her feet, and/or wearing a crown. just a little boyking imagery for you all :-) i think this might be my favorite for sam tbqh

- mary, either the virgin mary OR mary magdalene OR mary of bethany. every single one of these hits and i’m gonna go buckwild about it, especially if we’er viewing mary mags (erroneously but sadly traditionally) as a penitent sinner and possibly a former sex worker....... im NOT conflating the two but imagine s6 sam thinking of herself as like the penitent magdalene after hell..... wow okay sorry im projecting a wittle bit but i think that’d cause me physical pain to think and write about sowwy. also? “she hath done a good act upon [jesus]... she hath done what she could” ahaha ;--;

- margaret / marina. this one hurts for s5 ahaha. so she was sent to prison for being christian and also cuz this one bitchboy was mad she didnt want to marry him. while imprisoned, the devil came in the form of a dragon and swallowed her. but since she had a crucifix on her and it saved her (my source says it “irritated his stomach... and [she] thus was freed” so i guess she caused ol nicky boy to throw up??? i think it’d be cooler if she cut her way out with the cross but that’s just my opinion.) she also overcame another demon but i don’t know specifics on that one and im so fucking tired, im not doing more research rn. anyway i think we all fuck w the escape from hell shit... crucifix saving her as cas.... yeah ok moving on. they tried to kill her by fire AND water and she was fine, and this directly caused thousands (!!) of spectators to convert on the spot, leading to their own executions. she was actually martyred by beheading in the end, and the executioner died the instant she did which is making me think of the fucking equalizer now so there’s that. she was one of the voices heard by joan of arc. she’s a parton of pregnancy and childbirth bc of the bursting out of satan’s stomach thing apparently?? and also of death in that by invoking her on your deathbed, you’ll escape the devil and reach heaven. in art, she’s stabbing, stepping on or bursting out of the dragon aka satan. good for her.

- genevieve ;--; obviously this fucks off the bat but okay. my girl gen was a virgin after being promised to jesus and consecrated at age seven by st germanus (he was bishop of auxerre at the time which i didnt know) and at age 15, she was orphaned and sent to receive the veil. she ate twice a week (sam thoughts....) and had extremely accurate visions of the future (SAM THOUGHTS). through her reputation and massive bde, she influenced multiple kings to act charitably and release prisoners, and even converted one all on her own. she did the pilgrimmage of st martin a few times. apparently she was so cool, they knew about her in syria cuz no one could stop talking about how epic she was. she led the whole city of paris in prayer for days on end (???) and through the protection of heaven, attila the hun’s course was diverted. she’s the patron saint of paris, disasters like storms and droughts and maybe earthquakes (which makes me think of demons and storms), and fevers (can i hear a yeehaw for s8?). in art she sometimes wears a coin around her neck and i literally do not know why but thats cool i guess, sam should do that ;--;. but also in art she holds a candle that satan’s trying to blow out which like..... symbolism....... okay time to move on before i get too into it!

- agatha. not to be homo but she is one of my favorite saints, i LOVE ol aggy. she was a martyred virgin. some little rat mustached guy wanted to marry her but she said no and he got so mad he made christianity illegal in sicily (maybe just a region? idk he was a consul but im not sure wtf that means). not the best way to get bitches dude. anyway she was sent to a brothel and was tortured with rods, hooks, the rack (dean mentions a rack guys. guys. guys.), and fire (which we know was used to torture sam). then they cut off her boobs which is why she’s depicted with them on a platter or plate in so much art, which is like.....,,, transchenger. also she’s often holding a knife (ruby’s knife...) and wearing a long veil (not to be cringe but long hair sam iconography). she was finally killed by being rolled over coals which sounds really weirdly specific to me. she’s invoked against fire and the eruption of volcanoes and she’s the patron of firefighters (and nurses too i guess but idc abt that part). you know exactly why i picked her. she could also work for trans dean. just saying :-) anyway a silly fact i like about her in that people thought her honkers on the plate were loaves of bread in the medieval period so her feast day includes blessing bread. that’s so funny to me. can you imagine when they realized it was her tatas and not bread viwhfihfeihheilvre!!! anyway! next.

- agnes. another aggy that im love but this one is kinda tenuous. i swear i have like 2 points to make tho and neither of them is about the heavenly fursuit okay. so she was like 13 when she was martyred. some guy wanted to marry her and we can all guess she said no and he got mad and sent her to a brothel (this is so fucking common w young female saints i knowwwww i know) bc he hoped that by losing her “prized” virginity, she’d relent. they also threatened her with racks and fire and other shit before the brothel part, trying to scare her into relenting, but she told them to go eat shit. what the fuck is up with these guys and brothels anyway?? they stripped her naked but she grew hair literally everywhere all at once which is like.... okay thanks god??? (i was gonna make a joke abt sam’s hair here but im too tired to be funny.) she said god would not let them “profane” her, which is nice of the woman upstairs. one guy was rude to aggy and went instantly blind but she was such a queen about it, she prayed until his vision was restored. pamela thoughts but i know its totally different shut up. she was killed by either beheading or a slit throat. (but here’s the thing okay. she’s the whole pure virgin thing and whatever. but she’s sometimes depicted with a dove. and the dove is holding a ring. samjess thoughts AND s5 fidget spinner of doom thoughts. also representing childlike innocence??? yeah okay sam i see you.)

- rose of lima. none of her story fits but she was associated with roses (lucifer okay) and she had supernatural powers and abilities. she wore a circlet of silver with spikes pointing inward, and regularly fucked up her face so people wouldn’t think she wsa pretty. someone complimented her hands once and she rubbed them with lime; she couldn’t dress herself for a month from the damage. hardcore but also kind of a trans lesbian mood.

- catherine of alexandria. was converted by a vision of the virgin mary and baby jesus.she was such a fucking icon. when she was 18, she went to yell at the king for persecuting christians, and he literally couldnt think of an argument so he summoned 5o philosophers. but she convinced them all and the king had them burned. he was like “wait she’s so smart and cool i want to kiss her!!” and he said he wanted to marry her????? she said no (big surprise) and he was pissed (as expected) so she was beaten and imprisoned. he left for a little while and when he got back, he found out his wife and an officer went to see her in her cell, and she converted them both along with a bunch of guards. genuinely iconic. all of them were condemned to death. she was killed with a catharine wheel which is named after her so i guess they just called it a wheel back then?? but when they put her on it, the thing broke and shot spikes into the crowd, killing people. legend. she was beheaded and her body bled white (???) and her body was carried by angels to mt sinai. (angels might refer to monks here but its unclear.) she was one of joan of arc’s voices. patron of philosophers, learning, students esp female students, libraries, young women and wheelwrights. she’s depicted as wearing a crown, holding a palm/book/sword and with jesus putting a ring on her finger.

okay im done cuz im tired but there are definitely more. these are just ideas. do with them what you will. but my top picks for trans tfw are dympna for sam, joan or agatha for dean, and dympna or agnes for jack. dean as agatha and jack as agnes DOES hit actually cuz babie girl could be aggy and like..... yeah. yeah.

If Sam was trans, she'd never stick with Samantha. Her choices would be:

Mary

The name of a female professor she had significant Feelings for, bit couldn't figure out if those feelings were gender envy or crush-y

A name inspired by queer history, such as Emily (Dickinson) or Virginia (Woolf)

A name from lore/the bible that she saw and fell in love with randomly

A name Jess liked and became very attached to

Clarice. Dana was too close to Dean... She had to settle for agent Starling over agent Scully. rip

[k-born-rivers]

A 27-year-old man is facing assault charges after allegedly sucker-punching a 71-year-old woman and leaving her unconscious on the ground in Brooklyn. Joan Baptiste was walking on the street when the attacker approached and punched her in the face, knocking her to the ground and breaking her jaw. The NYPD released surveillance video from the incident, which happened just before 5:30 p.m. on September 19 on New York Avenue in the Prospect Lefferts Gardens section. Jaquan Wittle was arrested in the attack and walked by police on Tuesday. The mother of three and grandmother of 11 was walking home from her job at a day care on Montgomery Street when she was suddenly punched. Baptiste said she had never met or even seen the man before and has no idea why he attacked her. She's just grateful it wasn't worse. "God is good," she said. "It could have been worse. I could have been dead. If it had happened in the street, with vehicles coming and they pass over me, then it could have been worse. So I thank God it happened that way." Police had posted pictures of the attacker, some that showed him smiling. https://www.instagram.com/p/B3Hot_xF8OS/?igshid=1shzp9tbfbt2d