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girlgenius1111 · 2 days ago

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different when it's me

barcelona femení x reader you've had a secret for a really long time, one that is getting harder and harder to keep. your friends and teammates know that something is wrong, but they aren't sure how to get you to talk when you seem so insistent on keeping it all to yourself. basically, r is struggling with her sexuality, and her teammates try to help. angst, fluff, you know the drill. cw for internalized homophobia

—

For as long as you could remember, there had been rules. Rules that applied to you, even if they didn’t apply to anyone else. Like how you weren’t allowed to yell at your parents, but they could yell at you. Or how you weren’t allowed to see your friends on school days, but your brother could.

Even as you’d gotten older and moved out, the ‘you’ rules remained. Some of them were entirely self imposed. It was alright if other people took time off training when they were sick, but you couldn’t. It was okay if Vicky left a dish in the sink instead of washing it right away, but if you did that you’d have felt like a terrible roommate.

And then there was the biggest rule of all. It wasn’t even a rule, really. It was just… how things were.

Other people could be gay. Your teammates, your friends. Anyone else, that was okay. You’d stand by that, you’d fight for it.

But you couldn’t be. You just couldn’t.

Maybe it was your parents, or maybe it was the hours you’d spent in church, hearing the priest casually slip into his homelie comments about men and women and Leviticus 18:22. Whatever had kickstarted the shame and guilt within you, it didn’t matter that much. It was there.

Every time a pretty girl smiled at you in public, or when the cute barista would draw a little smiley face on your coffee cup. Every time you instinctually frowned and stepped away from a man who was looking to make a move on you. Every time you noticed a girl’s smile or the color of her eyes, the soft skin of her hand as it brushed yours.

Shame.

And you tried, tried so hard. To imagine the perfect man, the perfect wedding, the perfect life. But it just wasn’t right. The longer you spent away from your parents, away from the catholic church you’d grown up in, you started to wonder. The longer you spent around your friends who didn’t even blink when Jana announced she had a new girlfriend, the standard you set for yourself started to crumble, no matter how tightly you tried to hold onto it.

You’d find yourself daydreaming. The domestic life you’d always been so sure you didn’t want would flash in your mind, except this time, it was a lot more appealing. A wife, instead of a husband, and your stomach didn’t turn. For so long, you’d thought that there was no option to accept what you knew, knew really deep down, to be true. You’d rather die than accept it, if life in the closet was so miserable, you’d rather die.

But acceptance began to start without you even telling it to. Like your brain was so tired of the shame, it started to reject it.

So what? It would say. It had never felt like that before, and you were beyond terrified.

—

What kickstarted everything was a visit home to your parents. As it often went, 90% was nice. Home cooked meals, the feeling of not having to be responsible for anything, just for a little while.

It was good. Or, at least, it was alright enough that you could convince yourself it was good. You could pretend everything was okay.

And then, your mother had asked the dreaded question. Do you have a boyfriend yet?

You could tell as time passed, as you got older and never brought home a boy, your parents grew more and more worried. Whether that was worry that you were going to die alone, or worry that you weren’t into guys, you didn’t know.

But they always asked. And when you’d shake your head, say no and give the excuse that football kept you too busy to think about that, they’d always respond the same.

Well, don’t close yourself off! The perfect guy is out there.

You really doubted that. Normally, it stopped there, but this time, your father took it a step further. Said something that made your stomach twist and your palms sweat.

The perfect man, he’d emphasized. I know how your teammates are. Don’t get any ideas.

It was an off handed comment, probably didn’t mean he suspected anything. Logically, you knew that. Illogically, though… not so much.

You spent the whole drive back from their house crying. Disappeared into your room as soon as you got home, shaking off Vicky’s concerned questions. You didn’t emerge until the next morning for training, and you didn’t feel any better.

There was this weight sitting on your chest. It felt like everyone knew, everyone was staring at you, thinking things about you that you were barely able to admit to yourself. It was the weight of obligation; to your parents and to yourself, pulling you in opposite directions.

It was tearing you in half.

—

No one would ever describe as quiet or withdrawn. You hung around with the louder portion of the team, and you were no exception to that group. You were loud and unrestrained and goofy most of the time. Of course, you were serious when you had to be, but normally not a day passed at Ciutat Esportiva where the sound of your laughter wasn’t bouncing off the walls of the locker room, audible to anyone walking through the hall.

That is, until today.

It wasn’t obvious, not to everyone. There were so many players, so many of you messing around that it didn’t raise alarm bells for any of your older teammates. But for your friends, your best friends, they knew something was wrong the second that you didn’t crack up at Jana’s ridiculous story about Ona falling asleep on her couch and rolling off onto the floor. You gave a weak smile, one that was barely there and very fake.

And immediately, your teammates were giving you a closer look. They noticed bags under your eyes, the distant look on your face as you stared off at the wall. You were wound tightly, it seemed, every muscle in your body tense as you waited to walk out onto the pitch with your friends. It didn’t even occur to you that they’d think you were acting any different, but though they could be absolute clowns, they were also observant, intelligent people.

They could tell, without question, that something was wrong. Jana and Claudia exchanged glances, before turning to Vicky, who could only offer them a shrug in response. She’d known something was wrong since last night, when you’d come home from your parents. You’d barely said two words to her, though, and she was fairly certain you weren’t going to talk if anyone tried to get you to.

But Jana was Jana, and soon she was meaningfully looking between the rest of your teammates and the door, a not so subtle nod for them to give the two of you a moment. For your part, you didn’t even notice them walk out the door. You didn’t notice Jana stay behind, gazing at you worriedly. You were stuck in your head, a billion questions racing through it even as you tried to push them out and focus on the training session ahead of you.

Would your parents hate you?

“Are you okay?”

Would they disown you?

“Huh?” You replied, only half hearing your teammate. You should tell them. Just get it over with. But tell them what? You weren’t even sure. No, of course you were sure, but there was always the chance that you were wrong?

“Hey, amiga.” Jana’s hand came to rest on your shoulder, and this time you looked up at her.

You couldn’t tell. It would ruin everything. Absolutely everything.

“Yeah, yeah, what’s up?” You murmured, voice quiet. But how could you keep this to yourself? How could you live with a secret for the rest of your life? You couldn’t.

Jana was really concerned now. You looked destroyed, almost, like you were being ripped in two. Something was really, really wrong.

“Did something happen?” Jana wondered. She had such a calm, soft demeanor. Her expression was so open, and so concerned, it was hard not to break.

It only took a moment for her question to register, and it was as if your brain had detected some kind of threat and instantly drawn all your walls up. You sat up straighter, your eyes clearing. Gone was the look of anxiety and sadness. In its place, you just looked determined. Your face was wiped of any emotion and you stood, giving Jana a half smile.

“Nope! Sorry, I’m tired today. Everything’s fine. Let’s go?”

With that, you turned on your heel and walked towards the door. Jana followed you after, slowly, studying the back of your head as if it would give her the answers.

She wasn’t sure what the hell that was. But she knew, she knew that you were hiding something, and that you weren’t okay. And that wasn’t okay with her.

—

They watched you all throughout training. You could feel their eyes on you, too, and it only strengthened your resolve to act normal. But your friends weren’t having it. They didn’t leave you alone for a second. If it wasn’t Claudia pairing up with you for drills when she normally was always with Patri, it was Esmee standing right next to you during a water break. If it wasn’t Vicky taking the spot right next to you at lunch, it was Jana following you to the bathroom even though she’d just been.

It wasn’t that you blamed them for being worried; you knew you’d been weird upon arriving that morning. Since then, though, you’d made a very strong effort to appear as though you were fine.

Your friends didn’t buy it, but apparently your captains did, because Jana tried to tell them something was up, but they just brushed her off.

Jana explained to Alexia, Irene, and Marta that something was wrong. That you seemed like you were somewhere else entirely that morning, barely fighting back tears.

Vicky had told them how weird you’d been acting since coming home from seeing your parents, and how she could have sworn she heard you crying in the shower that morning.

Claudia told them you didn’t even blink when she took a few blueberries off your plate at lunch, even though you were notorious for being bad at sharing food.

None of them thought anything of it.

Even when Patri told them you hadn’t made any jokes about how she’d worn her shorts inside out for the first half of training, Alexia just shook her head with an amused smile.

“She’s growing up, then? Being more mature?” Alexia asked.

“You’re complaining that she beat you to it, are you?” Irene chuckled.

“The girl doesn’t pull a prank and suddenly she’s been replaced by an alien.” Marta grinned.

Your act was too good; you’d put on a very strong façade since slipping up that morning in the locker room. You had everyone but a few of your best friends convinced you were fine.

—

Annoyingly, no one seemed to be giving up on worrying about you. It continued for the next couple days. Even as you acted normal, completely fine, you could tell you were being watched by one of your friends at all times. They were waiting for you to break, again, which was an unsettling feeling and only made you more determined to be fine. You’d pushed the issue from your mind entirely. Wouldn’t think about it, wouldn’t even name it. It was just the issue, and you’d decided it didn’t matter. You couldn’t handle thinking about it while still pretending to be fine, so you didn’t think about it. If your friends caught even the slightest slip up from you, you knew you’d be cornered and interrogated. And above all else, you couldn’t tell them.

They couldn’t know. No one could know. That was what you lived on, the mantra that kept you going when all you wanted was to curl up into a ball on the ground and cry. No one could find out.

You thought that you’d maybe have a respite when Vicky announced she was spending Thursday night at home with her family as it was one of her brothers’ birthdays. But almost as soon as she’d given you that information, your phone was buzzing with a text from Jana.

We’re coming over to watch a movie tonight, because you have the biggest TV. We’ll bring snacks. 8:00. :)

Your TV simply was not the biggest one, that was a blatant lie. But what could you do?

No, Jana, you can’t come over, I have plans of self loathing and sobbing into my pillow until I fall asleep.

So, there you found yourself, curled up on the couch next to Patri as a movie you couldn’t even recall the name of playing on the average size TV hung on your wall. It was harder at night, for some reason, to block everything out that you refused to think about. Mostly, you were picking at your nails and trying to keep up with the plot of the movie so you could appropriately laugh and not bring attention to yourself.

Claudia and Jana were each in an armchair, both of them annoyingly angled so they could see you out of the corner of their eyes. It was impressive, honestly, how committed they were to this. One or two odd moments, and they’d become an investigative team.

You supposed, though, being with them and pretending to be happy was better than being by yourself and feeling it all.

One second, you were holding firm. You were laughing at the funny parts and smiling when you had to. You were holding it together, and you could almost feel your friend’s worry for you dissipating as you acted like yourself.

It felt like you there was a collapsed building sitting on your chest in doing so, but you were doing it.

But of course, the universe wasn’t on your side. Of course the movie that Patri had put on had a scene where a character came out to their parents. Who knows, maybe Patri had her suspicions about what was going on with you, and the movie choice was intentional. Maybe it was entirely unintentional.

Either way, you were crying before you could even try to stop the tears. It wasn’t even a negative scene; the character’s parents were accepting. Loving. They hugged the kid, told him they loved him no matter what.

It was a happy scene, yet all you could think about was that you would never ever have that. There would be no acceptance. No love. There would be tears, but they wouldn’t be the happy kind. It would be the end of the world as you knew it, and that felt so fucking unfair.

You didn’t want to be like this. You wanted to be normal, but you couldn’t. You just couldn’t, and you were going to lose your parents as a result. There was nothing you could do to change that.

So, you cried. Tears silently tracked their way down your cheeks. So quietly, in fact, that it went unnoticed for a minute. Until Jana peeked at you briefly, as she’d been doing all evening, and caught the shine on your cheeks and the tremble of your lip. Most of all, she noticed the devastated look in your eyes, and she was moving before she even knew what she was doing.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” She murmured, sitting down beside you and pulling you into her. You went willingly, or at least you didn’t resist. You let Jana hug you nice and tight, just for a minute. You felt Patri’s hand on your back, not unlike how she’d approach you when you’d get hurt in a match and stay down.

And now…now you were hurting. But not in a way that any of them could fix, you were sure. You wouldn’t let them try, anyway.

The movie was paused when you pulled away from Jana, hastily wiping at your eyes. You could feel the gaze of all three of your teammates on you, insistent and concerned. You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know how to convince them you were fine this time.

“What’s going on with you, hm?” Patri asked gently, nudging your shoulder until you looked at her.

“You’ve not been yourself for days, chica. Talk to us.” Claudia chimed in, moving to perch on the coffee table in front of you. The three of them surrounded you, and maybe it was meant to feel comforting, but all you felt was suffocated.

The walls were closing in in every aspect of your life. You couldn’t hide anymore. Not from your parents, and not from your teammates. That didn’t stop you from trying. Didn’t stop you from clawing at the walls as the room got smaller and smaller, forcing an exit into existence even though there wasn’t one in reality.

“Nothing.” You replied, looking down at your hands fidgeting in your lap. You couldn’t look at them. Not at Claudia’s normally happy face, pinched with concern. Not at Jana, who was surely biting at her lip like she did when she got nervous. Not at Patri, who you knew was studying you closely, brows knit together. You felt transparent, like eye contact would tell them everything, so you didn’t look up, not even when they began to speak.

“Nothing is wrong?” Jana repeated incredulously. You just shrugged in response. “You just started crying in the middle of the movie for no reason.”

Patri shifted closer, slinging her arm around your shoulders. “Vicky said you’ve been acting weird since you came home from your parents. If something happened with them, you can tell us. You can trust us, nena.”

“Nothing happened, I swear.” Finally, you looked up, and it was Claudia’s eye that caught yours. Surprisingly, she looked frustrated… almost stern.

“I don’t believe you.” She said simply.

A flash of frustration washed over you at how insisted they were being. Though it was for your benefit, it made you inexplicably annoyed; they couldn’t just let it go. They couldn’t understand that you didn’t want to talk, that they couldn’t fix this for you. Every push on their part made it harder and harder for you to pretend to be okay. If you broke, fully, not cracked like you did just a few minutes prior, it would be their fault. If you broke and everything came spilling out and your whole life fell apart, it would be on them.

Maybe if that frustration hadn’t been there, you wouldn’t have reacted in the way you did.

Instead, you stood, forcing a scowl onto your face. “Well, that’s not my problem. If something was wrong, I think I’ve made it very clear I don’t want to talk about it.” You snapped.

All three of your teammates blinked up at you, stunned. They’d never heard your voice sound like this, angry and raspy and devastated all at the same time. They’d never felt your anger directed at them, not really.

“Chica–”

“No. You all just keep pushing and pushing no matter how many times I tell you to back off. Leave me alone! I didn't ask you to hover over me, and I didn’t ask you to come over tonight. So please. Go.”

Before you could second guess yourself, before you could let the string of apologies waiting on the tip of your tongue out, you turned and stomped down the hall to your room.

Shame had been your constant companion for a long time. But now, as you lay on your bed listening to the sounds of your teammates quietly leaving your apartment, it burned through you in a way you weren’t used to. Normally, you directed everything at yourself. Every negative emotion was your problem and your problem only. People didn’t see you angry or sad, not even your closest friends.

Something had to give, though. You couldn’t keep going the way you had been, pretending you were fine when it felt like your brain was eating you from the inside out. Like the monster of self loathing inside your head would consume you if you didn’t open your mouth and let it out.

That didn’t stop the guilt.

The apartment was quiet in your friends’ absence. It was quiet, yet the silence was thick. You dragged yourself out of bed, threw on some pajamas and went to brush your teeth. All the while, your head was spinning. Because the way you’d acted tonight might have gotten them to leave for now, but there was no way they’d let this go. You’d been rude and harsh and unkind. All things very out of the ordinary for you. In your attempt to push them back, you’d given them exactly what they needed to know, to prove that you weren’t okay.

You didn’t remember going through your nighttime routine at all, really. Your clothes for the next morning laid out, your water filled and placed on your nightstand, the doors locked, the fan on the correct setting. It was all right, but you didn’t remember doing it.

You did remember curling up under the covers and pulling your childhood teddy bear close. You did remember the text you sent to your friends.

I’m sorry about tonight. There’s no excuse. I’m really really sorry.

It wouldn’t help your case at all, really, but you were a bit resigned to that now, and if your parents had taught you anything other than to despise who you were, it was that you didn’t treat friends the way you had that evening. Not all of their lessons were bad, you supposed.

As soon as you placed your phone back down on the nightstand, the silence was broken with a buzz. Another buzz. And another. You picked your phone right back up, reading the three texts.

Jana. It’s okay, chica. We love you.

Patri. We’re here if you need to talk. Day or night.

Claudia. You aren’t alone, okay?

You pictured them in their own homes, probably already texting Alexia and Irene. All three of your friends, all of your team really, looked to them for guidance on practically everything. They were wise, seemingly all knowing. It shouldn’t have been a comfort that they’d been on your case next, but somehow it was.

Because for all you talked about wanting to be left alone, for all the pushing away you did, you didn’t really want to do it by yourself. Deep down, you wanted someone to come and stay and not let you self destruct. It was really just a matter of which part of you won out; the terrified you or the desperate you. Terrified of honesty and truth and being you. Desperate for someone to tell you that everything was going to be okay.

—

You didn’t expect your teammates to act as quickly as they did. The team had the weekend off, and you thought you’d have a day or so before someone came busting your door down. But Jana, Claudia, and Patri must have called Alexia and Irene and woke them up, because your friends had left after your captain's bedtime.

And so, at just barely past 9 the next morning, your doorbell rang. Whoever was at your door probably thought they were giving you a nice lie in, but it felt like the middle of the night to be woken then on a day off. You pulled a sweatshirt over your head, unable to even form a thought on who was at your door and what you would say to them in your groggy state.

You opened your door, internally sighing when you saw Irene standing there. A part of you was surprised it was just her, more surprised when she didn’t ask to come in. Instead, she handed you a paper bag full of tupperware containers.

“Hi, chica. This is for you.”

Taking the bag, you gave her a confused look, not quite awake enough to talk.

Irene looked a bit frazzled, like she was in a rush. She was in mom mode, three stray stickers stuck on the front of her shirt, though you were sure she wasn’t aware of them. Even so, she softened for a moment, leaning against your doorframe.

“Jana called me last night. Your friends are worried about you, and I am too. We all are, really.” She paused, her very wise eyes searching yours. “Lucía and I are taking the weekend off to go see her family, but I couldn’t leave without stopping by to check on you. And Lucía heard what happened, and she cooked you dinner. Because that is how she solves things.”

At this, Irene rolled her eyes, but did so fondly. You noticed the light in her eyes she always got when she talked about her wife, and you tried to ignore the deep pang inside your chest. Would you ever have that?

“Anyway, I brought food and this.” Irene stepped forward, wrapping her arms tight around you. You were frozen for a moment, unsure how to react. Would giving in and hugging her back be admitting that something was wrong? Maybe you were passed that point. Either way, you allowed yourself to lean into the older woman, letting the momentary comfort wash over you.

“Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.” Irene told you. She squeezed you tight one more time before releasing you and stepping back. “Oh! Alexia will be over later. Prepare yourself to talk, because this whole silent thing is not going to fly with her.”

With that, Irene was walking briskly back down the hall. You watched her go, a little dumbfounded. If the defender’s intentions had been to throw you off, it had worked. All you could think was that you hadn’t said a single word to Irene, yet you felt like you’d confessed everything.

She had three more stickers on the back of her shirt, you noted as she turned the corner and walked out of sight. You couldn’t even really be amused, your brain too busy already anticipating Alexia’s visit.

Alexia… Alexia was going to make you talk if it took all day. She was stubborn like that.

Irene was right. You did need to prepare yourself.

—

The apartment was spotless, Alexia noticed. She looked around, gingerly leaning against your kitchen counter.

It was spotless. You’d channeled your anxious energy into cleaning, and besides; your parents had always taught you to clean for guests, and Claudia had somehow spilled popcorn all over your chair so you had to vacuum anyway.

Alexia was very quiet. She’d shown up at your door, not bothering to explain why she was stopping by. You both knew the reason. You’d let her in, and she’d followed you into the kitchen as you got her a glass of water. It was an awkward silence that filled the room, an awkward silence that was making you antsy.

Alexia, on the other hand, was relaxed. Like she’d cleared her calendar and had all the time in the world. Knowing her… she probably had. She wasn’t waiting for you to talk, necessarily. She was just waiting for the right opportunity to get at what was bothering you.

And when she noticed the picture frame facedown on the shelf above your counter, she knew she’d found what she was looking for.

“Thought you had a picture of your family there.” Alexia commented casually. She actually wasn’t sure what picture had been there, but she was making an educated guess. Judging by the way pain flashed across your face, it had been a good guess.

You could have lied, and say the picture frame had broken. Could have lied and told Ale that you’d knocked it over and forgot to pick it up. You could have played it off defensively, kept yourself closed up like you had been for days.

All morning, you’d been trying to decide how to go about this. Ultimately, you couldn’t get over everyone being worried about you. Nothing felt worse to you than being a burden on other people. Jana was worried. Claudia, Patri, Esmee, Vicky, Salma. They were all worried. Clearly Alexia and Irene were too. You knew what you should do. You just didn’t know if you’d be able to do it when the time came.

Yet when you sighed, nodding your head at Alexia’s statement, your decision was made. And once it was made, it was like the truth had been waiting for a moment of weakness to force its way out.

“I’m gay.” You burst out.

Alexia blinked. That was not what she was expecting. She was a bit confused; she’d come over here thinking you were depressed or something. She’d prepared for that, or something similar. She wasn’t prepared for this, and for a moment she was frozen, searching for the right words.

You, on the other hand. You were about to fall to pieces.

You’d never said it out loud before. Had barely even let yourself think it. But now it was out there, and you couldn’t inhale your words back in. You couldn’t go back, and that knowledge had your hands trembling and your breath catching.

“Oka-” Alexia began, nodding her head and taking a cautious step closer to you.

“I like girls, and it’s going to ruin everything, Ale. My parents are going to hate me, everyone is going to hate me. Everything… everything is going to be so hard and I don’t think I can do it!”

You were crying, by now, a steady stream of tears running down your face. Alexia’s expression was one of deep empathy and concern. She looked like she would have done anything in that moment to make you feel better, but you weren’t sure there was anything to be done.

“And I know it shouldn’t matter, but it feels like it does. It feels like it matters because it’s me. It’s different. It’s different and I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to lose my family.”

For the second time that day, you were being wrapped up in a tight hug. So tight it almost hurt. You clutched onto your captain just as tight, pushing your face into her shoulder and letting the weight of what you’d admitted wash over you. Alexia just held you for a minute, her sweatshirt soft as you pressed your face into it, her hands warm on your back. It felt almost safe.

“It’s not different, nena. It’s not. Not because it’s you. You’re not bad, you’re not weird. You’re still you, and anyone who deserves to know you will understand that.”

You cried harder, but not in a bad way. It was just… exactly what you’d needed to hear for so long. Maybe for your whole life. And someone was finally telling you, someone you loved and trusted. Someone you respected.

“It’s okay. It’s all okay, I promise. I know it feels terrifying, but you’re not alone. We’ve all got you, pequeña.” Alexia murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Thank you.” You choked out. You weren’t sure if you were thanking her for knowing exactly what to say, or for showing up at your door practically the minute she’d realized something wasn’t okay. You had a lot of people to thank, you realized. “Thank you, Ale.”

Alexia just shushed you, running her hand up and down your back. She didn’t let go, and you didn’t either. Because for the first time in so long, you felt like you were safe. You felt like maybe you’d be okay. Maybe.

—

i know this one has been very anticipated, so i hope it lives up to expectations :)

i kind of have an idea for a part two, but i'm not sure if anyone wants that or not.

anyway. enjoy 🙂❤️‍🩹🥰

#woso x reader #woso imagine #barcelona femeni x reader #woso fanfics #woso one shot #barca femeni x reader #barça femeni x reader #alexia putellas x platonic reader #alexia putellas x reader

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8-evil-annoying-catboys · 1 day ago

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there is actually some sort of social phenomenon happening that can explain this and as a polyamorous person who has been polyamorous for like 10 years now i can say it’s kindaaa poisoning the watering hole for our community.

so basically, polyamorous people are still very much NOT accepted, but the stigma around open relationships in general is JUST starting to crack open. and through those cracks, first there was a trickle, which is now a steady stream, still growing towards a flood, of (usually, but not always, straight) people in terrible monogamous relationships who think that opening the relationship will fix it. spoiler alert: that’s not how any of this works, and when a monogamous relationship gets opened, that’s usually that relationship’s death rattle.

note: open relationships have to start out open within the first, oh, idk like 6 months at most, or they’re doomed. that’s not necessarily a hard line, but it might be a little too generous, tbh—open relationships take a LOT of work and a lot of people are, understandably, not up for that. this lifestyle isn’t for everyone, and that’s fine! the problem arises when people think they can just adapt to it. probably the only way a relationship that was monogamous would survive opening up after being established as a long-term relationship instead of before, is if both partners realise they’re polyamorous around the same time, and they’ve already worked on all their issues to the point that their relationship has few to no issues.

obviously, with that in mind, it’s clear that the couples that resemble the one described by OP won’t last. but that doesn’t stop them from trying it out, since they’ve started learning that open relationships exist, and specifically, a lot of toxic cishet men are extra eager to try ethical non-monogamy because, to them, this means they can more or less cheat* on their gf/wife without giving her a reason to leave them.

so they ask her to open the relationship, she says ok as long as she gets to have her share of fun too (if she has enough self-respect to even think of that), and he says that’s fine thinking they’ll both get about an equal amount of action, because he’s thinking of how dating was for him when he was single. but what he doesn’t plan for is that polyamorous people mostly are very feminist and polyamorous women in particular don’t want a misogynist cishet man, and monogamous women don’t want to be with a man in an open relationship, so he gets no extramarital** pussy, while his partner is busy pulling hot people like it’s her natural born talent and barely has energy left to have sex with him.

and this is why opening a relationship that was monogamous is a death rattle for the relationship 99% of the time: once the partner who asked to open the relationship realises that polyamorous dating is nothing like monogamous single person dating, and they have to put in the work to be someone people want to date (because single monogamous people are lonely and have lower standards because of that loneliness, but they still mostly don’t want to be involved in polyamory, and available polyamorous people mostly already have at least one partner, so they have higher standards than single people, since they aren’t lonely) then they want to close the relationship again, and their partner doesn’t want to because they’ve gotten a taste of the beautiful freedom of polyamory, or just a taste of how nicely they can be treated by people other than their current primary partner. this usually turns into a fight that snowballs with all their other problems that existed before they opened the relationship and weren’t fixed bc instead of doing the work to fix those problems they decided to just see other people while staying together… and they break up.

this problem has existed in the past, and that’s why being a unicorn is so lonely and dehumanising, and has been since basically forever, or at least as long as the concept has existed.. but it’s getting worse now that so many monogamous people are deciding to experiment with polyamory by diving right in, rather than taking the time to learn about the community and ethics, the way i did when i first learned that i was polyamorous, in which im sure im not alone.

but the dating pool for polyamorous people, as i said, is getting more and more poisoned with monogamous people in relationships that are like.. well, i guess like delayed landmines—it may not blow the very second a polyamorous person sets foot there, but once someone else does get involved in the relationship, it’s only a matter of time before it does explode. it used to be that unicorn hunters were mostly swingers, with some actual polyamorous people looking for a third, and a very small minority of the couples described here.

for the most part, to my understanding (since i was too young to be a unicorn before this trend in monogamy started ramping up, i have no direct experience but this is what i’ve heard): the dehumanising and lonely part of being a unicorn was looking for a couple that wanted an actual relationship with you, and only getting couples that wanted to use you for sex, and weren’t really very clear about it because its hard to find single unicorns who actually want that. now, more of these couples actually want a relationship, or at least one half of them wants that, but they don’t, like, get how what they’re doing is wrong. they drag polyamorous people into relationships that are dying and turn these beautiful human beings who have autonomy into just another Thing for them to fight about. it’s disgusting behavior and not ethical at all, but they consider it ‘ethical’ non-monogamy since it’s not cheating.

*i’ve said before that ethical non-monogamy isn’t cheating, but i’m framing it this way because a lot, dare i say most or even all of these couples don’t reckon with amatonormativity or learn anything meaningful about polyamory that would challenge their conception that cheating = having sexual or romantic relations with more than one person, and redefine it such that they understand cheating = lying and deceiving one or more of your partners and/or having sexual or romantic relations with someone other than your existing partner(s) without their knowledge AND consent. since they don’t get that, they see it as getting away with cheating, even if only subconsciously.

**technically ‘extramarital’ isn’t exactly the right word since not all of these couples are married, but you get what i mean

I don't know why this keeps happening but I keep meeting toxic heterosexual couples who experiment with polyamory and are heavily into funko pops, board games, Disney princesses and Burlesque stripping and the man is always a withdrawn bearded dude and the woman is always a passive aggressive control freak with an Etsy shop that sells lawn gnomes styled after Dr Who characters and they don't really even seem to like each other but they're always exactly the same. this has happened four times

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rox-of-iu · 1 day ago

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More head disciple era doodles because i love these idiots

(EDIT i just noticed the mistake there was supposed to be "shimei" instead of "shijie" mannn whatever im not fixing that bye)

theyre so stupid and so fun. anyway more of my headcanons under cut if you wish to see

these are just my headcanons im not saying this is the correct way to see them just me having fun ok lets go (this is mainly MQF cuz duh yeah who would have guessed hgjfk)

MQF usually doesnt insert himself into the inter-peak messes and dramas, but does enjoy the fact that people tend to come to him to rant about the latest nonsense so he does get the latest gossip without a need to personally get dragged into trouble

Just the same, he is also not one to start tomfoolery (too busy for that and somewhat responsible, rip to him) but he does actually feel touched when the others think of him and ask him to be included in their tomfoolery. thats why he usually folds and accepts to take part despite his better judgement

dont be fooled MQF is also stupid silly kid just a different flavour that looks dignified on the surface but will not think twice before testing his newest antidote experiments on himself

if anyone is familiar with my fics then you know i love giving MQF a bad habit of gambling, inspired by the donghuas hilarious decision to use his model in that one scene just for the sake of it (originally rando in the book). absolutely brilliant. QQQ enables him in this most of the time and loves to take his money because she is the reigning betting champion

speaking about being inspired by donghua, one MQF background scene where he is posed on his sword is meant to look like a battle stance, but to me he mostly looks like hes trying not to fall hgjkf, thus spawning hc that he does not enjoy flying too much (on his own)

QQQ and LQG light-heartedly fight both with words and fists over the stupidest things. its enrichment

WQW's has a brand of humour that is sometimes hard for people to get and understand that he is actually joking, especially for people that dont usually interact with him. It is easier to clock for his closer circle though. (inspired by the extras)

this also continues as WQW grows more into adulthood, because he gains somewhat of a severe resting face, despite his jovial nature around his friends. He looks intimidating and grows to be more restrained and exasperated at nonsense that takes his time for no reason, but still keeps his mischievous spirit

damn i had more notes written but i misplaced them somewhere so this is it ok bye

#oughh the sillies my beloved #disciple era #mu qingfang #wei qingwei #liu qingge #qi qingqi #shang qinghua #shen jiu #save me silly goobers save me #i know theres nothing too impressive about these and i always do the same stuff but shhh this is my enrichment i need this to stay sane #EDIT FUCK THIS STUPID BAKA SHI- in relation to the mistake in the address of QQQ lmaooo #im just too used to writing MQF povs so to him QQQ is his shijie damn!!!! lol

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theothernads · 2 days ago

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ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ. SECRETS . [Y.JW]

━━━━━━━━━━━━━˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱‧₊˚━━━━━━━━━━━━━

○ SYNOPSIS: After making it to university, you found yourself finding comfort in a cat café worker not too far from your lectures. The cute worker seemed to have a knack for making you fall for his charm. And, how could you not? Your chemistry was perfect- but you never thought that he had secrets and that Jungwon was your secret as well. As much as you two tried to keep everything behind the scenes, things don't always work out the way they should.

○ PAIRING: Boxer!Jungwon×fem!rich!reader

○ WARNINGS: fighting, so suggestive it's acc crazy, blood, classism? Self-doubt, profanity, I made one of the members a villain, cute, fluff, ANGST (Imao), boxer Jungwon (deserves a warning bc it's iconic af)

○ NOTES: Okay. I did it. Please enjoy. This took forever to edit, but hopefully, you all like it!! It's been in my drafts for too long. Ever since No Doubt came out, lmao😭. Thank you for everyone who asked to be on the taglist!! Please give feedback. I would love to hear it!! Okay, muah!

╰┈➤ LIKES, COMMENTS+ REBLOGS are appreciated!

○ WC: 21k+

○ ִֶָ࣪☾. [DREAM LIBRARY]

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ᥫ᭡.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

AS A DAUGHTER OF A CEO AND A NURSE, YOUR PARENTS OFTEN PILED THEIR LANDSLIDE OF PRESSURES ONTO YOU. With you as the only child in their lavish home, their attention and lectures often find you daily, ready to exhaust your mind into another brainless talk.

But, it wasn't only your parents. It was also your lonely thoughts swarming your inner monologue like a bunch of pests.

Your parents, on the other hand, had you wrapped in their protective blanket, to the point where you were suffocating, not knowing when you could catch fresh air that wasn't supplied by them.

It wasn't easy per se. The studies that entailed your life had beaten you over the head and forced your eyes down to the textbooks and past papers. Those almost became your friends if you didn't scowl at them as much as you did.

Your parents were great, even if they flooded your head with reminders and words that you needed to become someone, anyone.

Anyone with money, of course.

That was the pinned priority. It was almost the only thing you wanted at the end of the destination. The end of the route was hopefully going to university for something in the medical field.

The light on your mother and father's face was the only thing keeping your vision on the set road before you. It was... exhausting. However, you worked through days, sleepless nights, calloused thumbs, and a lost appetite to get you a step closer to your supposed dream.

Getting accepted into that university wasn't as thrilling as you thought: the smile on your parent's faces, their boasts to your family didn't lift the anchor that had rusted in the pits of the ocean that was your mind.

It often felt as if you were drifting away from reality when classes started.

One particular day, you bunked the class by saying you needed the bathroom, when in reality, you sauntered right out the glass doors and onto the street.

Breathing the air without too many of your own classmates stitched your composure together again, and you found yourself wandering down the busy roads

You stopped when observing the mocha and brown lettered words on a cream sign. A cat café. Your feet moved on their own, pushing the door and placing your shoes in a slot on a black shelf.

The staff directed you to the room, and as you entered the main area, you spotted all types of feline friends lounging and sauntering around.

Swiftly moving in, you sat in a random spot, admiring the cats of all colours, the short and long furs—they were truly a melody, a soothing balm to your heated head.

And new potential friends that you could confide in and expect them to listen without a word of resistance. Oh, to live as a cat — carefree, jump as high as you want, and you could run away without consequences.

Oh, the dream.

A certain brown and black cat with a fluffy coat around its face approached you in your daydream, meowing quietly. The cream collar was engraved with "Belle." She was adorable, to say the least.

Her friendliness knew no bounds as she nudged her head into your hovering palm, rubbing her furry face.

For the first time in a while, you smiled, and one could argue that it sounded as if you were in the pits of depression—but you weren't. You were simply deprived of the quiet moments like this.

If you stayed a minute more in that damn lecture hall, you would have stabbed a pencil into their oh so precious desk.

Tentatively letting your fingers scratch beneath her chin, you heard another purr, her green eyes blinking slowly as she shifted her head to seek your comfort.

Her fluffy coat made you want to genuinely bite her—not hard, but maybe kiss her to bits until her paw warned you of her rising annoyance.

"Belle!? Where are you, girl..?" A voice called out that snapped your personal dream bubble.

When you glanced at the source of the voice, there was a young man with honey, golden skin, hickory eyes, and blonde locks resembling a cloud.

His wavy hair and feline eyes made your heart hitch a little. As if his presence hit you like a stone that your body didn't brace for. You weren't prepared.

Said man came over after realising that Belle was spending her careless time with you. Oh. He was coming over, and you're staring like a hawk. An idiot was a more fitting name.

Straightening your back, you glanced back at Belle and let your fingers fall away. The cat obviously protested, meowing—or whining—as her little face pecked at the hand on your lap.

The man slowed as he saw you, his fist holding something, but he was careful as he crouched before the feline. Right there, you noticed his veiny forearms, and you had to look away.

"She never comes out," he began saying, hand expertly rubbing behind her ear. A smile lifted your lips once more.

"I feel special," you said with a speck for amusement. He chuckled and nodded.

"I think you may be. She tends to hide in the dumbest corners. Kind of annoying," mumbled the man. His fists unfurled, and Belle's head perked to see the treats in his hand.

A long meow slipped into the air, her eager self padding to the worker (you assumed), and instantly munching. You could just combust.

For the cat, of course.

A smile graced those lovely, rosy lips of his, the other hand stroking Belle on her head encouragingly. In that moment, this man looked soft and warm. As if you were sitting near a furnace after a long, hard winter day. Something to melt the thick, icy anxiety wedged in your chest.

"She's adorable," you murmured, her tail snaking past your lap, wanting attention in all directions, it seemed. The man nodded and lifted his gaze finally.

They scanned your own, calculating but not intense at all. Then, he spoke. "I'm Jungwon, by the way."

A nice name that suited his perfect face, perfect dimples, and perfect voice.

Damn, what were you thinking? Internally scolding yourself, you nodded in acknowledgement with a small smile.

"I'm Y/n. Nice to meet you," you mumbled softly. The sparkle in his gaze shot by in the darkness of his eyes. Another smile.

"Pretty."

From that alone, you were ready to just bash your head into the wall to deal with the flusterment floating in your face. He said it so casually, delivering it with that deep voice of his that scratched your brain right.

Blinking profusely, your gaze averted to Belle, knowing your neck was burning, and the flames of shyness were reaching the apple of your cheeks as well.

"Thanks." You stroked Belle on her back as she munched contentedly on Jungwon's palm. He noticed your glittering eyes and the lashes fluttering on your cheeks.

Jungwon sat beside you, cross-legged and holding out his hand. "Do you wanna feed her..?"

Without a single thought from your frazzled brain, you nodded. Jungwon was pleased, an easy smile breaking out as he gently took your own left hand.

Even the warmth in his hand ignited all kinds of tingles in your fingers, making the heat constrict and hug your heart.

From his apron pocket, he picked out a few brown treats into your own palm, and Belle was instantly impressed.

Her furry face dug into your hands, licking up the treats, and you felt as if her silent sounds healed and patched up the stitches of exertion from the past couple of days. Who knew just a feline friend could soothe the craks in you?

"So, you work here..?" You asked the obvious question. Jungwon chuckled slightly, eyes fixed on your hand.

"Yup. Shifts are easy, and I get to talk to the cats instead of myself."

"You probably talk to yourself at home," you teased back.

"That's why I needed to work here. To hide it." Jungwon grinned, lifting those beautiful eyes of his. "But alas, my secret is revealed."

He was funny. Cute. You liked the way he easily loosened the stiff bolts in your muscles, as if it didn't take much effort.

You smiled, petting Belle behind her fluffy eyes, feeling somewhat content in the brief silence. Jungwon eyed the backpack slumped by your side and glanced back.

"So, you running away from home, or do you just have a lot of things in there?" He asked with mirth, eyes darting to the crumpled bag. Oh. That. A reminder of how you left class unattended and on impulse.

"Oh... that," you said with a forced chuckle, eyes focused on Belle rather than the beauty before you. "I bunked class."

"You're a student? Damn, you're devious," Jungwon remarked with a jab of amusement. You rolled your eyes and smirked.

"Very. It's the most I've gone against my parents," you said without thinking.

You instantly regretted it. You didn't plan to blurt that out and reveal the speck of the harsh expectations crushing you and all to a stranger. You clenched your eyes shut for a moment before opening them.

"So, rebellion?"

"That's a bit much," you mumbled with a slightly offended pout. Jungwon stroked Belle, fingers accidentally brushing yours, and your hand retracted sharply.

The tingle crazing up your arm was warm, uninvited, but made your heart pound just a little faster. He began to laugh at your comment.

"I guess so. You want to tell me why you're starting your rebellion?" He urged you on, meeting eyes again.

"It's not a rebellion!" You protested, and Belle's little face peered up at you, as if she was judging you for purposely making a wall of lies and denial. Jungwon and Belle waited, expectant.

Sighing, you began to unravel your life story as if it was a ball of yarn running away from you before you could catch it. All the way from high school to exams that opened up the gates to university until now to how dead you felt in class, taking a course for the sole reason of pleasing your parents.

It's not like your chosen health care course wasn't an enjoyable path—you chose that route because, yes—you did find something valuable in stem subjects, and found it bearable to endure the hurdles that came with it.

However, sitting in the lecture hall and typing, writing mindlessly on your convertible tablet, the energy had diminished like a candle nearing the end of its wax.

Jungwon listened, stroking Belle's back as she settled on his lap. No words slipped into the conversation, letting you pour your heart out to him, a total stranger.

When you finished, he let out a deep puff of air, as if he was exhausted for everything you said. "Damn..."

Tucking your side fringe behind your ears, an empty chuckle came out. "Yeah. I love them and all, but it's... exhausting. But, my mind won't let me disagree with them. After all, they just want me to live well."

He shook his head, and Belle jumped off his lap and scurried away, deciding to leave you and him in solidarity.

"What about you being happy? Peaceful?" He asked, stretching his legs out forward, leaning back on his hands. "What's the point of living well on the outside when... you need to also live well internally? If that makes sense."

The words carved into you like a harsh reminder—your own guts telling you to say something. But your loyalty was your biggest enemy, and it had the best leverage.

You weren't smiling anymore, nor speaking, and Jungwon sighed, dropping his own eyes to his lap, as if there was already something brewing behind his eyes.

A beat of silence passed, and Jungwon looked up. "I ran away."

Your eyes shot to him, bewildered. The reaction made him chuckle, but there was memory frozen in his eyes.

"Yeah... you're better than me. If they forced me into taking university, I would've crashed out. I mean, I already did." Jungwon shrugged.

Waiting in silence, you let him go on.

"It's started when I was younger. My father was an alcoholic, a smoker, the whole lot. My mother was ill. So, she was even more irritable. With both of them on my back, going out was an escape." Jungwon rushed a hand through his blonde locks, eyebrows furrowed as if it hurt to clutch the dead roots he had left behind in memory.

"I bunked classes. I didn't care, I just needed to be doing something on my own. I had my friends, we messed about, I will admit. But, nothing bad. Just me, my friends being loud and... smoking here and there. But, I knew my luck would run out."

By now, a white cat padded over, collar jingling softly and climbed into your lap. Smiling, you found something light-hearted in the midst of this talk.

"My dad got the phone call from school. Those assholes called them, and he nearly pushed me into... into the stove. He was yelling, angry, called me useless," Jungwon said as he swallowed down the harsh marks of the past. "But, I wanted it out. Finished school. Grades were mid, but I didn't care."

He let out the nth sigh, gazing at the random wall as if he was rewatching the memory.

"One day, he blew up on me. He was drunk. My mother was okay, but she was also hoping for good grades. Too much expectations, too much demands." Jungwon's gaze narrowed. "I wasn't enough. I didn't impress them. And nothing could."

Jungwon grit his teeth, remembering the moment he had stormed through the house, pulled out a black duffel and backpack, and stuffed every corner of them until it couldn't anymore. It was painful and impulsive.

"I ran. I left with my friend and found my own way. And now, I work here. For about 2 years now." He finished, nodding and letting the weight of his shoulders lift.

You couldn't imagine running with your friend, being along and unstable. You loathed it, but it didn't mean that he didn't hold bravery for making that decision. Letting out a puff of air, you turned to Jungwon.

"I'm glad you're okay now. I honestly can't imagine it. It must have been terrifying," you said softly, sympathetic. Jungwon sensed your tone and dismissed it with a shake of his hand.

"Hey, don't worry about it. Because I'm fine now. I'm stable, I don't need those assholes anyway," he said with a newfound strength. Or perhaps, a strength that had bloomed ever since he left the claws of his home.

"Like I told you, the cats keep me company," he said, letting the white feline jump out his lap and join the rest of his friends. You smiled, finding the café an easy path to soothe the weight on your soul.

As if you needed this.

Jungwon, admiring your adorable face, grinned to himself, not missing the way his heart fluttered, as if something was newly born there. It was enticing all the same.

From then, you visited the cats, or Jungwon, often. You skipped classes sometimes or came afterwards with some friends to catch the eye of the cute worker, letting your small desires be fulfilled every time you and him exchanged a discreet look.

Most of the time, you came alone in hopes of letting the pieces of your heart be bared to him, to let him examine whatever you put out there.

You think it worked. For example, in this one situation, you were trying to lure the cats to your hand full of treats, but no matter how much you cooed at them, they blinked at you as if you were an idiot. You stood once more, and Jungwon, noticing it, appeared behind you in an instant.

The emanating warmth forced your heart to run laps, skip beats, and leap in the tight confines of your chest. He was so close—chest hovered by your shoulders, his breath subtly hitting your right ear. A shudder rippled down your spine.

"The cats can't reach your hand if you're standing normally," he said softly by your ear.

You glanced only to stare at the stars that were his hickory eyes and the roses that were his pink lips.

Jungwon had to be the personification of beauty himself—the type of beauty that couldnt be captured by a normal lens because it simply wouldn't do him an justice. Experiencing just his presence without any second thoughts was as if you were face-to-face with the galaxy itself.

Realising you were staring, you let him lower you to the ground until you sat on your knees, and he crouched behind you. His warm hand held your wrist, angling it, making the tingles bite up your nerves until you felt your heart sprint.

Then, he clicked his tongue, and like the cat whisperer he was, the feline friends all came jumping and padding over with curious tails and mouths. You let yourself stroke a few of the fluffy heads, aware he never moved away.

"Thank you..." you said softly. Jungwon chuckled, and he boldly rested his chin on your shoulder. It was so soft that you nearly missed the pressure of it, but you didn't.

The stupid smile tugged at your lips, his hand retracting from your wrist to rest gently, experimentally on your waist. When you didn't pull away, he sighed into your neck, letting his silence fill in the rest.

It was a song of no words, but you loved every second that passed where he filled the gap in your neck, memorising your skin. The moment elicited a blossom of new flowers—bold, vibrant, and exciting. You wouldn't mind if Jungwon brought out more of those from within you. The flowers crawled up your chest, caged your heart into something strong and something immovable.

Only when a customer alerted the bell did he pull away with one last squeeze to your waist, imprinting the print of his warm invitation. Your gasp was soft, barely audible, but his cheeky self just upped and went away.

One thing about Jungwon was that mischief was an ingrained and crucial part of him. Whether it br through his teasing words or his sly hands brushing past you like the wind.

And, another part of him you had also discovered was the speck of secrecy he kept in the cracks.

It had been a gloomy November morning, the city alive and moving as you strolled towards the familiar cat café. Classes had been exhausting, and you craved to ease the storm irking the ocean that was your mind.

Each part of your head was waterlogged, filled with destructive waves that washed and swept over every other thought that threatened to keep afloat.

Whenever that happened, you went to the cat café, climbing up the familiar brown steps, dinging the bell as you opened the door, and slipping on the comfortable slippers before sauntering to the main room.

The familiar warm light illuminated the cream and pastel pink walls and the various cats padding or lounging around on different surfaces.

Your presence managed to alert the particularly shy cat that never revealed herself. Or, your best friend.

"Hi, Belle," you cooed, crouching down and stroking her furry head. She meowed and licked the tip of her nose swiftly, as if curious about your visit. You laughed softly and scooped her into your arms, and she made home within your embrace.

Her furry self was a remedy for the strenuous school day.

Naturally, you were here for one other person, though—Jungwon. As if detecting your dilemma, Belle jumped out your arms and padded deeper into the café, leading you to the counter where Jungwon's back was turned to you.

The sight of his broad back, the muscles peeking out from his shirt, even under the brown apron he wore. His blonde locks were messy, tousled as a cloud.

"Hey, Won," you said, approaching the counter with an easy grin. Jungwon flinched slightly, putting the air pod out, and he turned only to reveal an undeniable display.

Brows furrowed, you rushed to the counter to examine the red scar stitched into his cheekbone, the redness blooming around it like a field of pain.

"Jungwon, your cheek..?" You said, pointing to the obvious wound, worry budding in your eyes. Realisation flickered over his face, hesitantly letting his fingers caress over the spot before he sighed.

"Yn, it's nothing. Just a small accident," he said, giving a dismissive smile. You didn't believe him. The scar seemed shallow, almost as if he had bumped into something with an aggravating force.

"What accident?"

"You know, the cats. Shadow was kinda hard to get back in his bed," he easily replied, leaning on the counter before you on his elbows, smirking as if he knew something you didn't.

You stared for a good few seconds before your hand lifted to his wounded cheek, and he let you. Heck, he leaned into your hand, the warmth rushing through your nerves; the worry still stood strong.

"What brings you here so late today?" Jungwon mumbled, his breath hitting your wrist. A tingle weaved through your blood and embedded itself into your skin as if to connect you and him.

Sighing, you brought yourself to move away from the topic of his cheek, eyes downcast. Jungwon clutched your palm, bringing his rosy lips to the pulse of your wrist. Your breath hitched.

"I... It's just one of those days. And I thought my worries would go if I saw you, but it seems I have another to think about," you explained.

Jungwon hummed into your wrist, again waving off your concern as if a speck of dust that was tickling his nose.

"Will you let it go?" He asked in slight mirth. You shook your head, and he chuckled. "It was Shadow the cat. A scratch. You know how he is."

"I don't." You blankly stared at him as he kept your wrist to his lips. Relenting from the position, he came around the counter, towering over your form, leaning on the counter.

"Believe me. Yeah?" His voice was honey as he asked that, cocking his head to reach your gaze. You hate how it worked because you gazed up at him with those adorable eyes of yours, and he tapped your chin.

"Help me close up. Maybe you can help Shadow calm down," he said, chuckling at the way your pout appeared and nudged his heart.

"Great. Maybe we can get matching scars," you said sardonically, pushing off the counter and heading to lock the door.

Jungwon scoffed, still facing where you had stood, finding your attitude infuriating, but enticing all at the same time. You were some kind of sweet drug, and he wanted it to invade his senses.

With the cats all in their designated spaces with the other staff, Jungwon was with you at the front, but he was cleaning the dishes. A few cups and straws.

You sat on the counter, watching his honey tan skin, the way his sleeves were rolled up and revealed the veins running down his arm and bedazzled his wrist. The undeniable warmth stirred in your cheeks, finding it ridiculous how you were inept at keeping your composure together.

Where Jungwon washed away, he smirked slightly as he spotted your sparkling gaze on him. You weren't very discreet. Not when your head stayed in the same place before darting away every few seconds.

The tap turned off. Jungwon dried his hands before stalking to you ever so slowly and stood before you with his shadow looming over you.

When your eyes met his, he swore his heart skipped a beat, skipped the hesitation; his hands pushed your knees apart, and you squeaked as he pushed himself right closer to you, hands slithering around your waist.

The warmth rained on your cheeks, and your eyes widened from the proximity. "J-Jungwon—"

"Shh..." He murmured, hands pressing your lower back and forcing your body too close. Tentative hands gripping his shoulders, the hitch in your breath betraying how your composure crumbled and allowed him to peek into what you truly wanted.

"Can I kiss you..?" He whispered when he leaned in, face inches away from yours. From here, the scar was clearer; it was dull, yes, but his whole cheek bone was tainted with red, as if Shadow the cat punched him with those petite paws as well.

There was no time to even think of the scar when he got too close, eyes darting back to his hickory ones. The stare held until you finally nodded to his question.

"Thank fuck," he mumbled before his lips swooped in and captured yours. Soft. Really damn soft.

Your breath hitched once more out of the many, his lips firmly moving against yours like a strong gale against a flower bed. It rendered you breathless, but when you pulled away, you gripped his biceps tighter and dived in for another.

Startled, Jungwon tightened his embrace around your waist, feeling the curve of your body press into his, your lips now littering and staining admiration onto him

When you sighed again, he departed for some air, breaths slightly shaky. Your lips were slightly swollen, eyes glistening with something new and exciting that made his hunger crave more of whatever you were enchanting him with.

He saw the exact way you silently asked for more, those pretty eyes of yours fluttering at him, beckoning him closer. He was under your spell because why did he lean in for another?

Your hands tightened on his shoulders now, lips a feather away from each other, eager for another long reunion—

"You two are fucking disgusting." Jay had his arms crossed, raising an eyebrow at Jungwon instantly distancing his lips.

A storm of heat wrecked your body and cheeks, and now you wish you would crawl into the dirt and bury yourself there. You gave a small wave to Jay, who gave you a nod of acknowledgement mixed with the repulse.

A slight chuckle escaped Jungwon, hands still locked around your waist. "You could have just walked back into the other room."

"And leave you two unsupervised? On the counter? As if I hadn't seen this before?" He inquired, each question heightening your embarrassment. But Jungwon didn't even mind it, smirking impishly at Jay.

"What movies have you watched?"

"Shut up."

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The marks persisted. Some days, it would be mostly on his face, and then other days, the scars would bloom on his jaw, shoulder, and at one point, you saw him wince, clutch his side when he bent down to grab the cat bowl.

It was painfully clear he was concealing something beneath the surface, and he wanted to keep you out.

But fine. If he didn't want to tell you, why would you force him? Logically, it wouldn't be serious if he never told you otherwise. So, you dropped the idea of the suspicious little wounds at random spots and let it go.

Until today.

Another day, another decision to bunk the later class. It was two hours long, meaning two hours of absolutely useless droning from that professor you despise.

Walking down the streets in the gloomy weather, you puffed some air into your fingers, scolding yourself for not doing the smart thing of bringing your gloves.

November was hit with a silent storm of cold, the freezing air everywhere at once, giving no one respite from its breath.

Which is why you want to go buy gloves right now. The shop you love was down the street after the corner of these other meticulous ones. The idea of buying yourself something was so greedy but gratifying; you know you probably have gloves packed safely in your home, abandoned, but here you were, shopping for a pair more to join the collection.

When you turned the corner, a familiar blonde sparked in your peripheral vision. Now, there weren't a lot of blondes in Korea, but this was... certainly a coincidence, right?

Your supposed situationship was not going down some dodgy and dark alley with Jay? They strolled with ease as if this path was the most familiar route they had walked upon.

The buildings on this side looked... reserved, residential, even. This was no place that Jungwon could know because he never talked about anything else. Or, he never wanted to tell you of anything else he was doing. The mere thought made a crack of doubt in your stomach, the crevice thin, but undeniably there.

Do you follow?

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. So, as a cat would, even though you were far from it, you crossed the road and sauntered swiftly into the same narrow path.

You had no idea where you were going and decided to follow this random dude, careful not to alert anyone. They all worse dark clothes, and here you were, wearing a cream coat. You were just asking to be looked at.

Whatever. The alley was dark for the most part except the tiny streams of light illuminating the black door at the utter end.

The dude opened it languidly, disappearing. Like the spy you were, you opened it swiftly and snaked yourself into another dim hallway.

"I better not break my ankle," you mumbled to yourself, using your palms to direct yourself down the only path that was also deprived of light. More doubt cracked whatever contentment you had with Jungwon the more you crept down the dark hallway.

What business did he have here? It wasn't normal to casually stroll up to a place like this and act as if he was entering the park or something. Too many questions relentlessly hit your head as you lowered yourself down some stairs when you heard it.

A crowd. Not even the demure mumbling—it was loud. Strident, and you could hear jeering, cheers. The dude opened another door, light spilling in instantly. Not wanting the darkness clinging to you, you rushed through the cheers louder now, but the room you were in was empty except the multiple, absent boxing rings.

Boxing. Jungwon. What?

In a way, you could see the connection of events: the sudden scars that popped on his skin like daisies on a normal summer day. But even then, your thirst of curiosity wasn't quenched, and, as much as you wanted to explore this empty hall, you strode silently behind the dude.

The door he next opened was through another hallway, but at least there was a single bulb to provide the weak excuse of light. It was grey, plain, and had no indication of what stood behind it, but the closer you ventured, the more those cheers became prominent.

The dude seamlessly opened it and entered like the wind. Puffing out some air yourself, you approached it and buried the anxiety of what you would find. Maybe Jungwon. Or maybe something terrible.

What you didn't expect was a dim, shady part of the building with a boxing ring in the middle, a crowd swarming it with their cheers and conversations, and bang in the middle was Jungwon.

Shock froze your body, all your nerves as you stood away from the crowd, afraid of exposing yourself.

He was sweaty, to say the least; he donned a white shirt, blue pants with thick, white boxing gloves, and his golden hair stuck to his forehead. His feline eyes were sharp, focused on the opposing player, who just about entered the ring.

The referee, you assumed, stayed in the middle, holding this microphone, grinning widely.

"Welcome to the next round! Remember to put the money on the person that would most likely win!" He explained to the crowd.

Bets. Money. Gambling. The sudden doubt and bewilderment snaked around your chest and throat, making it hard to even breathe. You leaned against the pillar, mostly to stay hidden.

"As you know him, we have our returning fighter—Jungwon!" The crowd cheered at his name, familiarised with his status. From that, you knew he came here often.

The MC introduced the other dude, but you honestly weren't listening. You were still trying to wrap your head around the fact that Jungwon was a fighter for this gambling underground fighting thing.

When you glanced at the building, you saw the abandoned atmosphere, the lack of equipment or care in the mouldy walls. There were a few tables here and there, chairs stacked around randomly with neglect. It was totally different from the other side you came from.

"Fighters..." the MC said again, moving back so that Jungwon and the other dude could bump fists. The sudden movement of his veiny arms, slightly bruised somewhere, made your stomach flutter at the sight.

You almost cursed at yourself for focusing on something so irrelevant.

He's fighting, and here you are, flustered over the tan colour of his flawless skin. Shaking your head out of it, the ding rang through, and the crowd jumped and cheered louder.

Jungwon was poised, circling around and keeping a distance at first from the dude dressed in a blue tracksuit. You couldn't stop looking, the crowd fading out in your ears.

Then, Jungwon lunged so fast in a single stride, his fist connecting swiftly with the man's ribs that it pushed him back.

The blue man backed up, then struck his first move. The fist flew towards Jungwon in the face, but he only defended, arms brought up vertically before his gaze. The crowd cheered again when Jungwon's posture grew aggressive, eyes sharpening instantly.

One glove hit the blue man's ribs again, the left side, and his other used the distraction to deliver a left hook sharply to his jaw. You gasped as the blue dude staggered backwards, hitting the ropes.

This man, the same dude who worked at a cat café was beating a man up. In a bet. It was as if you went down a rabbit hole and ended up somewhere absurd and nonsensical.

Jungwon didn't end there and used blue dude's foot failure to deliver two sharp blows to his stomach, causing him to double over. Another chance that Jungwon saw—he rained his fists down to the man's nape, then shifted to delivering brusque punches to the side of his face.

Almost as if you could feel the strength put into it. Whatever strength it was, it sent the dude to his knees, head writhing on the floor of the ring.

Even when the cheers erupted louder than before, the only thing floating to the surface was how secretive Jungwon was. He had managed to mask the scars with silly excuses and mishaps—but this?

This was a whole other level of what you expected. And he kept it a secret from you. Why? You couldn't find it in you to claw at the anger; rather, you were just bewildered.

Stepping away from the pillar, you planned to head out and clear your polluted head of the dark lights and dark fight. Even then, you cast one more glance back, and your breath hitched as Jungwon's gaze turned to you, freezing you in place.

His smile faded, just like your knowledge of him from the past few weeks, and he tore off his boxing gloves before hopping down to the musty ground. The crowd gave way as the winners went to get their money, and the losers grew desolate.

For some reason, you remained in place, hoping that whatever he was about to say would eradicate this new view of him. But it was selfish to think that you could just ignore what you saw, to keep this memory in a bubble that you hoped to never pop. Though, it wasn't reality.

With a calculated walk, he approached swiftly but softly locked your fingers together and led you away from the main scene towards a different set of doors, his expression saying absolutely nothing. You let him do so.

The silence once entering the hallway was harsh, almost suffocating. His heavy footsteps broke it as he pulled you along to this door, shoving it open and revealing a simple locker room.

Clean, lit, and well-organised.

Once you were in, he shut and locked the door, his back facing you, as if he didn't know what words to say. Even you, who had a plethora of thoughts and questions, couldn't bring yourself to inquire what kind of shit just went down back there.

Jungwon sighed, leaning on the door on his elbows before turning; his face was shining with sweat, a small bruise on his jaw with golden locks damp and stuck to his forehead. When he saw your perplexity, he quickly glanced away.

It's fine if he didn't want to talk. Your voice was still lost, even whilst he was doing a brief shower in the next room. Sitting on a random bench, you heard the water stop running behind you, the rustle of the metal rings as he pulled the curtain.

This was too intimate, but if you weren't so confused, you would have acknowledged it and allowed to twist your thoughts into a blushing mess.

There had to be something reasonable; a crevice that you missed that contained the reason of his expressive dance of aggression. You fiddled with your dress as he moved behind you, head lowered and desperate to shed light on the answer.

"Y/n..?" His voice rang out behind you, as if the time had finally come to face him. You were silent, unmoving.

The footsteps came around, and suddenly, he was crouching before you, his blonde locks now fluffy, his body donning a black shirt and loose pants, and his hickory eyes stubbornly gazed at you.

It just managed to melt whatever was frozen in your chest and mind. Almost.

Tentative, he held both your hands, careful, but you didn't pull away. You actually missed it. You missed more than that; your gaze flickered to his lips but darted away, sighing.

"Why did you come here—how did you even find this place?" Jungwon began saying softly, squeezing your hand.

"Is that all you're worried about? How about you tell me what this place is?" You remarked, the doubt from before resurfacing like a solid piece of ice to prick your nerves.

Jungwon sighed and held your hands tighter, not wanting to lose whatever connection had you and him tied together. "I will, I just..."

He hesitated. "You weren't supposed to find this place."

"And yet, you're in it. And, so many people are as well. It wasn't hard to follow," you said again quietly, your breaths shaky from containing your bewilderment and apprehension.

What if this was an illegal gambling thing? What if this could get him pulled into a storm with the law if he was found out? Too many risks, and he's so calm about it.

"Okay. I'll explain." He stood from the floor before seating himself beside you, searching for the beginning and the reasons deep in his memory.

"It's underground fighting. They bet on us, yeah, but it's optional. It doesn't make it better, but the reason why I joined is because of the money," he said. Your left hand was in his lap, interlaced with his own fingers, while your gaze remained on the floor.

"You know how I told you I ran away?" He said with hope, to which you nodded slowly. "I needed quick money. Extra, quick money. The cat café wasn't enough, I turned to this. I couldn't stand being a burden, and I still can't."

The more he explained, the more he managed to melt that icy doubt away, soothing it. You listened, eyes flickering to his, which held the shining gratitude for your patience.

It made you realise that he wanted your understanding rather than keeping you in the dark. He took the effort, and you couldn't look away.

"Not only did I learn boxing, I learned how to be in control of my own life. All my life, I was never enough, and it was always shoved in my face. Boxing helped me just... vent. And, not to hurt people — that's not the point. But to finally feel like I was doing something useful to myself and that I wanted to do it for myself. The skills I gain here—they're mine." He held your hand tighter, sensing the relaxation in the way you grasped his hand back.

Jungwon knew yours and his life was different: you had money stuck to your background and present, privilege floating around you like a bubble, whilst he scraped his life, took the token of bravery to get where he was today. He didn't expect you to understand easily, but what he did know was how you radiated empathy.

You held his hand tighter, finally facing his heavy eyes with guilt for having so much bewilderment and judgement hitting at him. "I'm sorry. I just... I was confused."

You didn't expect his soft chuckle, but it gave you the gnawing butterflies all the same, heat creeping up your chest and your neck.

"Don't worry about it. It's my fault for not telling you earlier." Jungwon smiled.

"So, Shadow, the cat wasn't responsible for this one?" You asked, cupping the side of his jaw with a new field of purple and red on his skin. Sheepishly, he grinned again from your reminder of his web of lies.

"No. He wasn't," Jungwon replied with mirth. You tutted.

"You threw him under the bus. I knew he was a sweetheart," you said with a small pout of disbelief. He chuckled, having the strong urge to nibble on your lower lip, but he held back. He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. That was my big secret. I blamed the cat for my antics." He leaned in slightly as his grip crept to your waist, hooking around you like a sly snake desiring one thing. The touch made you squeak, your eyes widening slightly.

"I can't believe you're defending the cat so easily..." He mumbled, tugging you closer until your hands gripped his shoulders and your faces were close enough to entice you.

There was an intense mischief in his eyes, ones that sparkled in the way that you loved it, in the way that you couldn't reject.

"The cat didn't keep secrets," you remarked softly, hands sliding around his nape, making him intake a sharp breath before chuckling at the infuriating sass you always hit him with. He tightened the grip on your waist, fingers pressing into the small of your back.

"Okay. I got it. No more secrets," Jungwon said, now a breath away from your lips, staring with warmth and a promise that shone heavily in his gaze.

"Promise?" You whispered. Jungwon smirked and nodded.

"Promise," he murmured back before closing the distance between your lips, the softness capturing yours and making your mind blank. No thoughts dared to interrupt you as your lips moved fervently against his.

Jungwon huffed and delved into another, tongue boldly tracing the seam of your lips, crossing whatever boundaries you had set. He hadn't even confessed to you, but friends don't kiss like this.

You don't even like the idea of friends. It left a bitter thought, like a scent lingering after many days. And you grew sick of it.

With a groan, your lips parted and the warmth of his tongue joined yours; your heart pounded, the drums of them raging and bellowing in your ear. It was as if your heart was declaring what you had for Jungwon even if you didn't say it.

He pulled you closer, hands strongly lifting you onto his lap, straddling him only for you to clutch his collar, tilting your face as you kissed him once more, stealing his breath. Jungwon breathing chuckled against your pretty lips, one hand cupping the back of your head, and the other enclosing your waist.

He trapped you in his touch, and you weren't complaining. You felt the heat of his torso against yours, body curving into his like a perfect puzzle.

When he finally departed, he breathed heavily, soft pants exchanged between the two of you. With your forehead against his, Jungwon's gaze met yours again.

Desperate and mellow, wanting to yearn for your trust again, for your touch to soothe the guilt stuck to his nerves.

"No more secrets."

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Over the past month, you and him shared kisses in privacy, going on dates whilst you tailored lies for your parents to wear.

It wasn't like you were embarrassed—no—but your parents had standards of who you dated. If they found out you dated a boxer, someone that worked at a simple cat café, they would certainly freak out and subtly implement more supervision than needed.

And, you didn't need that right now. To be treated like an inept child unable to think for herself.

He understood, and he made sure to make every kiss and touch last longer, to stretch across oceans and make you forget that you were drowning in the tasks of everyday life.

Though, Jay did fully ban you and him after hours in the café after he found you and Jungwon making out in the janitors closet.

"Are you guys homeless, or do you just like making my day worse by doing it at a public place," Jay had said, making you shield yourself with Jungwon and his laughing self.

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Well, one day...

Jungwon was working, as usual, when these girls nearby gossiped among the feline friends. He slightly paused his work at the counter, pretending to be fussed with his monitor.

"If your man doesn't get you at least, I don't know, a promise ring, is he even in the same relationship?" One girl scoffed as she sat on the floor nearby.

Now, Jungwon wouldn't usually care about such conversations, but his imaginary ears perked anyway: if it wasn't for your birthday coming up, he would ignore them. Except, the idea of getting a gift sent a heavy stone of doubt into his chest. He was too curious now and let his curiosity overtake him in an attempt to soothe the lament anchoring at his ribs.

He inched closer, masking it as a job to dust off one of the pastel counters.

"For real. They have to mean it, and that means getting something expensive," the other girl said with a giggle.

Jungwon raised an eyebrow, gripping the cloth a little tighter. Your birthday was soon. And he wanted to make this perfect and worth it. Even if he had to do one more fight to scrape that money.

Jungwon raised a sceptical eyebrow, rubbing down the counter more to get rid of the nonexistent dirt. With your birthday being soon, the only priority was making sure that his gift was weaved with sincerity. But, what was worth that sincerity?

Was it the money? The expenses? Did he need to scrape more cash to prove his love for you through his gift?

To be honest, he wouldn't mind enduring more fights if that meant lighting up your eyes with those stars that always uncovered themselves with any ray of joy.

You were worth all the bruises.

Besides, he didn't want to let his financial situation set a barrier as to what he could do to deliver an adequate present. With what you endured during university, working hard to stay afloat in your studies, you probably craved a moment of respite, a moment in a bubble that was far from reality.

When he got his break, he sat down in the café where it was empty, Shadow curling in his lap as he scrolled online for a 'promise' ring. It couldn't be hard. It also couldn't be that expensive.

He was thoroughly wrong when he stumbled across a decent and dainty ring but immediately tossed his phone on the floor when he observed the string of zeroes and numbers.

Before the decimal point as well.

A puff of air left him, forcing out the lingering cloud of apprehension.

Shadow meowed as if he was judging him, those green eyes blinking up at him. Annoyed, Jungwon frowned and crossed his arms.

"You don't even have fingers. You can't judge me."

Shadow immediately jumped off his lap, making Jungwon's exasperation sunk deeper into his chest. He threw his arms in the air. "I didn't mean it!"

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Jungwon thought long and hard to the point his brain must have burned itself out, his patience being thinner than the strand of hair.

Who knew the stress of gifts would be weighing down on his soul that much. At boxing practice, his hooks were messy, unfocused and he ended up jolting pain up his shoulder.

There wasn't anymore time because your birthday had arrived; the skies were somewhat cloudy, the icy air nipping at his skin and brushing past his golden locks. Jungwon avoided the cold by a black coat and a thick scarf that practically swallowed his face.

"Jungwon!" You squealed from afar, jogging to him with a bounce in your step. He couldn't help but smile, his heart warming as you jumped into his arms, and he spun you around.

Those soft giggles of yours filled his ears, like honey, and he grinned down at you once safely on the concrete.

"Happy birthday, my love," he said with a tilt of his head, finding your sincere joy utterly adorable. He held your waist as you gripped his shoulders.

"Thank you! Nice scarf, by the way," you commented, hand running down the orange and green fabric, the thickness surprising you.

"Thanks. I can't risk catching a cold on my day off," he murmured, kissing you firmly on your temple. That alone sent your heart to beat too fast for your own good, your breath hitching as he did. You could never grow tired of this type of intimacy.

"So, you wanted to take me out?" You began to walk with him down the street in your thick coat. Jungwon nodded.

After he had searched for a promise ring, he found himself meeting dead ends at every corner. It was frustrating, to say the least, but it meant scavenging for a new solution to the gift problem.

"Well, I know you love doing your nails. And, I think they're due for another check-up, right?" He asked as his warm hand hoisted yours to his gaze, firmly clutching yours. Indeed, some nails were chipped away with time.

"Yeah, yeah, I am due. But, you don't need to," you reassured Jungwon earnestly. As if you had said something ridiculous, he scoffed as he focused on the path ahead.

"It's your birthday. Why wouldn't I do your nails. I want to do something meaningful for you," Jungwon explained, his voice soft and layered with endearment.

You clutched his hand tighter, somehow wanting to connect you to him more than you already were. Both hands swung between you and him as the warmth threaded delicately into your chest. "It can get pricey, that's all."

Jungwon stopped walking, and you were pulled back to spot the igniting determination.

"I want to. I know what I want," he said, taking a close step forward to linger over you. "And that's to make you happy."

Flutters erupted in your stomach again, small butterflies freed in the pits of your guts, making a smile tug your lips. He was sweet, so full of personality, and you always saw his kindness in the way it decorated his actions.

How could anyone not like him? You would rather leave that irrelevant question unsolved.

You started walking again, pulling him along with a stupid, giddy smile and intertwined hands.

Jungwon didn't comment on it, letting the internal glee shower you like blossoms.

Watching you at the nail salon was not as boring as he thought it would be. The interior was soft and dim as the nail technician chipped off the older charms, scraping the glue off your nails.

To Jungwon, it looked painful, but you weren't even flinching from any agony. Or, you were really good at hiding it.

Whatever it was, Jungwon didn't complain because he, himself, was enamoured by the way you yapped about your day, something about this girl at university annoying you out of your mind during lectures.

But did Jungwon know the details? No. Did he even pay attention to what the girl said that apparantly ripped you to academic misery? No.

When he had looked at you in that moment, it was as if the sunlight magically appeared, beaming down on you, making your laugh seem like a symphony that soothed his soul, and your mannerisms after each incredulously sentence was oh so endearing. You were like an angel, blinding all his senses with your light. He sat there with his chin propped on his palm, eyes unblinking.

"And, you know I hate team projects—hey, are you listening?" Your voice snapped him out of his daydream. He cleared his throat, slightly embarrassed.

"Yeah, of course," he murmured as if it was an obvious answer. By the look in his sheepish smile, you knew none of your words actually settled in his mind, and rather, it flew away before he grasped any understanding.

"Really? What was the guy's name?" You asked, challenging him. He rubbed the back of his neck, pouting in concentration.

"Um... Ben—"

"I'm not even talking about a guy! I was talking about Yena! A girl," you whined to him, trying not to move for the technician. Jungwon chuckled and put his hands up in a mock surrender.

"You got me," he said with a smile absent of any guilt. How shameless.

Huffing as you turned away from him, your pout only invited his fingers to playfully poke them, the gesture forcing the heat to stitch into your stomach and chest. You could never get used to this, the butterflies that practically lived inside your guts and sensed your love for him.

Again, you stuck your tongue out, determined to prove that it didn't affect you so much, but you had a hint that he knew what he was doing and he was welding it as a weapon.

After the nail appointment, your stomach was grumbling loudly, needing something digest. Jungwon simply led you down the street, pointing to multiple restaurants.

The nails did do some damage, but he wouldn't mind paying for your food either. Ultimately, you decided on this normal ramen shop, the interior dim and brown, the lighting exuding warmth, and a wave of tranquillity.

"Ugh, I'm starved, Wonie," you said dramatically. Jungwon grinned, gently nudging you by the waist to the booth at the back of the building.

"I know. You must be so tired from sitting there and watching your nails," he murmured playfully, clearly enjoying the way you sent a soft glare to him, one dormant of any aggression.

Well, once the food was ordered, you and him had the chopsticks at a ready, the steam of the food wafting in the air, and a stack of tissues on standby.

"Thank you, Won," you chirped just before your utensils dug into the tteokbeokki. Nothing but pure affection bloomed in his eyes as he smiled again, one with sincerity.

"Anytime."

The dinner was a success with you yapping once more about the food, the nail design which you were utterly grateful for, all inspired by Pinterest. He only nodded and smiled, attentive to your voice as ingrained into the walls of his head.

He would carve your voice into his mind if he had to ever capture your exuberant gesticulations.

It made him think and realise that you probably didn't act like this at home. That you were forced to be demure about your wants and wishes, having to withold your tongue in the depths of your chest.

It was cruel that you couldn't find your voice, like this, to confront your parents; it wasn't just the studies, but it was also the fact that Jungwon was a secret. Someone in the shadows of your life, as if he didn't deserve to be brought into the light.

The thought prickled his composure, tingling his skin, and his grip on the chopsticks tightened as your voice droned on. It was something he didn't want to ask, but it came out before he could decide the rationality.

"Are you... embarrassed of me?" Jungwon stared at you with a stillness that stopped your previous conversation. There was a weight burning in his eyes, small as a spark, but still powerful to evolve into something more.

With a nervous chuckle, you tilted your head at him. "Of course not, Wonie."

He hummed, eyes leaving yours for a second to pick up some of the rice cake; your gaze was still burning into him, trying to dissect what he was implying. And why.

"I see."

"Why would I be embarrassed? You're literally one of the best people in my life," you countered again when his voice dimmed.

Jungwon knew he should understand. There was more to it, but in his head, he wanted to remind you that there were other options other than staying in the confines of your parents' boundaries; you could always trek down a different path, a path paved by your decisions. However, it was easier said than down.

"No. It's just that... I don't buy you luxuries, I barely take you out. I fight, for peace sake," he explained, his voice anchored by his own insecurities. His words alone told you he was secretly sinking in his own reluctance.

Your hand reached out to his, gripping it firmly. "I don't care."

I don't have a big ass job or working a corporate nine-to-five," he went on again, making your heart sting. You held his hand tighter, his eyes flickering to yours.

"I don't care. Really." You attempted a small smile that only made his questions rise deeper from below.

"Then, why keep me a secret?" He asked, rubbing your knuckles softly with the pad of his thumb. The question caught you off guard, your thoughts unsteadily rocking at sea from it.

It was true. Why didn't you? Because, what? You're scared of your parents, friends? Scared they would separate you and Jungwon?

Yeah, it was a valid fear. You don't care that Jungwon doesn't have the most colourful job in the world, but that doesn't mean you were embarrassed of him.

"I just don't want to deal with their shit," you said softly, grip tightening in his as if you tried to convey the weight of your parents on him. Jungwon held your gaze, munching slowly.

"You shouldn't be afraid of them. You're already doing so much for them, the least they can do is let you date," he replied, the tension bolted in his words.

"I'm not scared of them... I just don't want us to be separated. I really like you, Jungwon. I can't lose you," you suddenly rambled on, pouring out the vulnerability you always preserved around him. With his eyes softening, understanding slowly stitched in his gaze.

"I get it. I like you, too. But, I don't you to exhaust yourself by keeping me a secret," he murmured as he glanced back down, something clouding the hope that once stood there.

"I will tell them one day. They're just... on my back with studies and stuff," you explained again, recognising your own words was just a mask of the excuse underneath. Though, Jungwon nodded and smiled with a resigned sigh.

"I know. I don't want you stressed." He held your gaze, blinking with those eyes always void of judgement.

That was one thing you love about him—the undeniable understanding he had with your situation, how you always found a respite, an oasis in his arms. It made you feel as if you could tell him anything.

And, as he said before, no more secrets.

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APPARANTLY, GRADES WEREN'T THE ONLY THING YOUR PARENTS WERE CONCERNED ABOUT.

Having her tug down a dress down your thighs, you kept protesting and frantically questioning her; each time, she hushed your concerns and sewed your complaints shut.

It grew worse when your mother haphazardly did your hair, earning a few agonised protests.

"Mother, what are you doing—"

"Stop moving, Y/n!" She scolded.

Soon enough, you were downstairs and pulled into the lounge. It would have been a normal sight if you didn't see a new set of eyes and faces, all peering at you as if you were the newest thing to be displayed.

Discomfort stitched your chest into a tight space when you saw new sets of faces, eyes all peering curiously over you. There was an elderly man and woman accompanied by a younger dude with pale skin and moles etched under his eye and on his nose.

"Ah—here's my daughter!" Your father exclaimed, putting an arm around your shoulder, hoisting you deeper into this mess. Sending a look of bewilderment to your parents, they completely ignored you.

"She's lovely," the other woman said, patting the younger boy's arm softly but excited.

"Introduce yourself," your mother said with a hinted demand in her tone. You knew better than to question her right now: she had that look where her eyebrows furrowed, eyes narrowing with glittering expectation.

Clearing your throat and waving slightly, you gathered your voice whilst they all pointed their gaze on you, the stares like needles to your skin.

"I'm Yn. Nice to meet you," You said. The other parents, plus the boy, all grinned at your tone, mistaking the confusion as courtesy.

Again, the other elderly woman nudged the young boy softly to go forward like you did. Once he did, offered a cordial handshake.

"I'm Sunghoon. Nice to meet you, too."

Said Sunghoon was gorgeous, of course. But, that didn't answer the question in the spotlight. It was still very much distracting you. You sent a look of bewilderment to your parents.

"Yn, Sunghoon and his parents have expressed an interest in you."

That made your whole world freeze. All your nerves totally halted in place, your brain chemistry dying down from that single sentence as you stared at her wide-eyed.

Shock shot right through you, stunning all your nerves into ice, even your thoughts. With wide eyes, you stared at your parents as if they had held the gun and triggered the bullet.

What the hell????

...

The dining room lingered with silence except the occasional clink when you absentmindedly stirred the straw in your glass. Gorgeous Sunghoon was poised beside you, drinking. And the parents?

They went to the kitchen as if to let the chemistry blossom between you and him. But, there was nothing but dead roots in place with your patience discreetly withering with it.

It's your parents and their damn noses digging into your love life and rearranging that as well.

Wasn't the studies enough? What were they so worried about? Were you that socially unavailable that you couldn't open your shell to new people? Is that how they saw you?

Then, there was Jungwon, who easily peeled away your barriers, finding the key and treading right into your heart. And, wherever he stepped, flowers bloomed behind him and created a sprightly path of life.

Now? This Sunghoon dude singlehandedly lifted all your walls up into immovable stone.

"Yeah, so that's where I want to work. My father thinks I can take after him in a few years, even though I kind of know everything." Sunghoon took another sip of his glass while you zoned out, circling the straw in your untouched drink.

"So, what about you?" He asked, fully facing you. It startled you for a moment, but you restrained the urge to roll your eyes, and set your cup down.

"I'm still in university, so. I just entered actually." You glanced at him, masking the boredom prickling your internals. Sunghoon smiled, but one filled with curiosity.

"Doing something in healthcare, right?"

Whenever you heard the core word, a single petal died in your head, making it hard to eve keep the composure alive. Even then, you nodded once and distracted your impatience by gripping the cold glass.

He hummed, as if pleased.

"Hard, but rewarding." He set his finished glass down, now leaning on his knuckles, examining your features with interest, as if trying to decipher how you truly felt.

In reality, you would do anything to be with Jungwon and do absolutely nothing because simply orbiting around him would ease all creases of boredem that you had right now. It was quite telling.

The silence stretched on for long, and you know you should have made some small talk, but this whole encounter, quite frankly, pissed you off to no ends, your serenity thinning to a strand.

Honestly, it was a way for him to take the hint that you had no interest to take this further into the future.

Besides, your interests laid elsewhere.

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YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS THE END OF IT, BUT NO. After that awkward day, you were prepared to meet Jungwon in disguise for a 'study session' with your classmates in town when your mother knocked on the door.

Without waiting a response, she barged in with a sly smile that curled your guts into tight knots.

"Sunghoon wants to meet you again!" She exclaimed, coming up to you when she noticed your heavy tote bag. "Where are you going?"

"I told you. The library," you said with a lie, making sure all essentials were packed in.

"You can't! He's coming over as we speak," she said, making you gawk at her as if she had shot another bullet at you.

"Mother—I told you that I'm not free today!"

"It's just studying. You won't be missing anything," she remarked with a hand on her hip, demand layered underneath her tone.

The dread, at this point, had rotted away in your chest, making your protests die in your vocal chords. You just sighed and dropped your bag onto your bed whilst she careened towards your walk-in closet.

The frown tugged at your lips at the thought of putting down a date with Jungwon, who had his day off today out of all days. The universe had other plans to subdue your happiness for some reason. What would you tell him?

Come to think of it, you hadn't told Jungwon of this unexpected courtship. It totally slipped your mind because you thought it was a one-time thing. Now that your mother brought you the news, unease bubbled at the pit of your stomach, as if the topic itself caused nausea.

If you told him about Sunghoon, it would just be messy: telling your boyfriend about the courtship looming over you like a storm cloud was not the best conversation to have. Besides, you are going to fully reject Sunghoon and make sure that this mess doesn't extend any further.

Telling him about Sunghoon would just be messy: who even wanted to break that to their boyfriend that another man was trying to sprout something nonexistent? It was almost laughable. Except, you were going to reject Sunghoon and make it clear that your stone walls would not crumble for him. Meaning... none of this would evolve further.

Your mother returned with multiple hangers, droning on and on about how to impress the family.

When she wasn't looking, you rolled your eyes.

Again, the dinner at the table was mostly held by the chatter of the parents, their boisterous laughter and audacious words about work and business was a enough to lull you to sleep.

Whilst your fork stabbed into a strawberry, Sunghoon sipped his tea once more, his gaze landing on you and attempting to break apart your expression.

"You don't look pleased," he stated quietly, not enough for the parents to hear. A small sigh escaped your lips when thinking of how to approach this without seeming like a brat about it.

"Can I be honest, Sunghoon?" You turned to him slightly. He nodded easily.

"I'm not... interested in taking this further," you admitted, not knowing why apprehension weaved into your chest and made itself clear.

Sunghoon looked away for a moment, maybe to contemplate why, or maybe to decide what to even do with that information. Then, he exhaled a slow breath that gave you no clue as to what emotion was flowing through him.

"I kind of know," he began to say, careful but resigned. You raised an eyebrow.

"I understand." He looked back at you with uncertainty and something else stitched deep within. You held his gaze before speaking.

"It was nice to meet you and all, but i think this will be our last meeting." You glanced back at the fruit salad sitting idly on the table, neglected and growing cold. Sunghoon hummed, nodding once.

Then, the silence rolled in again like a thick fog that prevented any words from rising to your lips. Relieved or anxious—you don't know.

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Jungwon wasn't the type to be suspicious of you. Or anyone, quite frankly. But, when you cancelled last week on the date that was a rain check on your other cancelled date, the insecurity anchored down in the depths of his chest.

There had to be a reason, of course. You couldn't be purposely doing so—you were too smitten, too entangled with his string of fate, and he knew you were in too deep.

So, what was the reason really? When he had asked you what happened, you texted something vague, something indubitably stitched with a secret.

Jay came over as Jungwon leaned back on the boxing ring, slapping a hand on his back, jolting him out of his thoughts. Jungwon cleared his throat.

"What are you thinking so deeply about?" Jay asked, snagging the bandage roll on the platform by his shoulders.

Jungwon could name a few.

"Nothing. Just... thinking." Jungwon crossed his arms despite the stones of doubt lurching at his internals. It was quite damn hard to ignore.

"Thinking. Hm, yeah. I've tried that," Jay mused with amusement, making Jungwon glower at him. Putting up his hands in mock surrender, he said, "hey, I'm just teasing.

"I know. It's just that I... ugh." Jungwon groaned, running a hand through his hair because his uncertainty was too strong, but it was also formed on the basis of nothing. All these negative thoughts formed without foundation, yet they were sky-high and dangerous.

Jay waited patiently for Jungwon to gather himself.

"I just feel insecure, you know?" Jungwon started as Jay bandaged up his wrist with the protective layer.

"About?"

"My girlfriend."

"Oh, good God," Jay said with a roll of his eyes. "What, trouble in paradise?"

Jungwon ignored the comment, even though a punch to Jay's arm was awfully enticing. But, he digressed. "Not really. But, maybe it's just me."

"Talk to me, bro," Jay urged on with his back leaned against the platform. Those words coming from his trusted friend were enough for him to just undo the knot tensing his muscles.

"She blew me off twice. And, I know she's super busy, but we didn't go out on my day off. Was kinda stumped," Jungwon explained with a hard hand through his locks. Jay whistled slightly.

"Well, did she explain why?" Jay asked with a tilt of his head, lurching the bandage roll into the air and catching it methodically.

"Yeah. She said something came up with her family. Twice." Jungwon frowned again, thinking from square one.

"You trust her, right? Like, she won't go running off with another man," Jay said but the younger one caught onto the joke snuck into his tone. Jungwon's ground his teeth together.

"She won't."

"Just making sure before I tell you that your girlfriend probably has her reasons. And, also just talk it out with her if you feel that disturbed by it. Seriously, you haven't even got into the ring," Jay exclaimed, gesticulating to the empty platform behind both of them.

Jungwon sighed again, deciding that the only way to distract his damn thoughts was to fixate on a choreography that was his boxing skills.

Once his boxing gloves were on and Jay wore the punching puds on each hand, he switched his brain off, and strengthened his shoulders, one hand near his face, the other slightly forward.

The sharp punches rang out through the empty room, each jab done with laser concentration. Of course, you lingered in his head with your pretty eyes and easy words, but along with you came the dark rain cloud of doubt, threatening to dampen his focus.

Jungwon went to deliver the punch harder, only for his body to stiffen and not turn. When the punch landed, pain struck up his shoulder like a bite, and he grunted.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Jay said, lowering his raised hands. Jungwon grit his teeth, patting his shoulder with the gloves still intact on his left fist, trying to ignore the crumbling calm.

"Don't ask. I'm having a bad day," he mumbled, leaning back against the sturdy ropes. Jay scoffed.

"Yeah, bet you are. You've been having one of those for days," Jay remarked, ripping off the velcro and dropping the punching pads to the corner. Jungwon watched, gaze wavering between reality and his memories.

The effect you had was magnetic and he didn't know if he liked how his thoughts all drifted to you, your lovely words, the sparkle in your eyes that seemed to fuel his igniting love.

Jungwon leaned over the thick, sturdy ropes, observing the other boxers loitering around the platforms, or having a quiet snack on the benches. One thing that did startled him out of his daze was the door creaking open harshly.

It hit the wall, a bang clattering through, and Jungwon tensed slightly upon seeing a neat and put-together dude. He had black hair, messy and loose like he had not bothered to brush most of it, and had a black shirt with pants.

The slight quirk of his eyebrows as he scanned the room gave the impression that he didn't stumble onto her on purpose. The smug smirk sent Jungwon's composure on another lake of fragility.

Jay stood straight, leaning over the ropes. "Um, are you lost or something? Never seen you around here before."

Said man gazed at Jay, then to Jungwon's prickly scowl before smiling diligently. He waved a hand in dismissal.

"I'm okay. I know where I am, but you're right about me never being around here before," he began to say, his voice deep, lingering in the air sharply.

"Can I ask why you're here? You don't look... appropriately dressed," Jungwon said with a tilt of his head.

"Doesn't mean I'm oblivious in my destinations. I can still grapple just as efficiently in trousers and a shirt." He grinned at Jungwon, making the mental tightrope tremble more.

This dude gave him an overwhelming wave of off intuition.

"I hardly believe that." Jungwon fired back, making some of the people on the room silence, and for Jay to give subtle jabs of warning through his narrowed eyes. Though, Jungwon was blind and could not see anything except the handsome man on a black attire that only seemed too inappropriately dressed for boxing.

The man smiled, but it was unsettling, like there was something locked away, concealed. He walked up to the platform Jungwon was stood on and tilted his head.

"You wanna bet?"

Jungwon instantly had all his composure and logic fly out the window and melt as he furrowed his brows. This dude had the audacity to challenge him, to question the strength of his skills that he built brick by brick.

Leaning over the sturdy strings, he glared down at the said dude. "Yeah. Bet."

That's how Jungwon found himself opposite the smartly-dressed dude wearing boxing gloves. It was infuriating. Not only was he wearing trousers, not even fit to stretch for comfort, but he was wearing shiny, smart shoes.

The type that glared when the light hit them, and they were slightly pointy. How ugly was that. Jungwon scowled deeper, the bitterness twisting in sharply, making him get into the stance.

"I'm Sunghoon, by the way," the man said as he circled around the opposite side. Jay watched cautiously from one of the empty corners. Jungwon didn't give two shits and scoffed.

"I don't care," he said before circling closer, swiftly and with impatience tainting his movements. He lunged forward on his left, right, then jabbed with both hands.

Sunghoon defended, bringing both hands up to cover his face. He grit his teeth before seeing the oppurtunity, and delivered an upper hook to Jungwon's stomach.

A small grunt left him, but he knew it wasn't hard. Recovering from the slight ache clutching his skin, Jungwon recoiled back a few steps.

What was wrong with him? His movements weren't usually so sloppy, and he could normally predict the next moves and construct a defense, a response before it even played out.

Now? Oh, now his skills felt shadowed. Out of the light, and it peeved him greatly.

Sunghoon circled again, assessing and scanning Jungwon head to toe, as if he possessed the same ability to predict his punches. How? To Jungwon, his skills couldn't be mirrored.

Maybe he was really having a bad day.

Narrowing his gaze, Jungwon huffed a breath and lunged forward. A dance from his left, right, left again and jabbing with force.

Sunghoon scowled, shifting to his left. The oppurtunity shined to him and Jungwon delivered a rounded and swift hook to Sunghoon's jaw, making him stumble back.

He couldn't help the satisfaction swarm his ego, but he didn't want to let it get to his head before the match was over, though.

Fire flamed in Sunghoon's gaze. Before he knew it, Sunghoon side-stepped quickly, deceiving Jungwon as he shifted from his right to the left. Not being able to keep up, Jungwon stumbled back when a harsh ache rippled through his right side.

Gritting his teeth to avoid the bubbling anger, he went to strike when Jay appeared, intervening with a stern glance. "That's enough."

Jungwon and Sunghoon panted slightly, recovering from the brief match that probably lasted a minute. Jungwon wouldn't mind if he had 5 more minutes to beat the ego and shit out of this cocky, rich dude.

Someone needed to knock that smugness off his high horse.

"Jay hyung, what gives?" Jungwon muttered with a flicker of frustration. Jay scoffed and crossed his arms, still standing defensively between the two.

"First of all, this dude isn't dressed properly," Jay said, nudging a thumb in Sunghoon's direction, who was ripping the velcro off the gloves. "And second, you haven't been having the best streak of practice."

Jungwon's ears flamed alight, the embarrassment from all his inept punches and techniques catching up to him. He didn't want to think about it, but when he did, the anger crashed down like merciless hail.

Just everywhere and undeniably jarring.

"I don't care. He wanted a match, I was about to give him one," Jungwon snapped at his best friend, who already had disbelief stitched into the lines of his face.

Sunghoon scoffed, shoving the gloves off to the floor, facing Jungwon. "It wasn't like you were winning."

"Oh, yeah? Let's finish the match right now—"

Jay intercepted, putting a hand on Jungwon's shoulder before his ferocity could act out. With a firm glare, Jay spoke. "Don't. We're not finishing anything. You need to calm down, even you, shiny shoe dude."

Sunghoon shrugged, not minding the weird name.

Jungwon slumped his shoulders, the anger gripping his head with thick claws, making it impossible to even think without glaring. He just hard the desperate urge to pummel his face until it was bleeding, until his own arm cramped.

Jay sighed and pushed Jungwon softly in an attempt to get him away from that pit of anger he was falling into. "Go, Jungwon."

He would have followed his hyung's orders had it not been for that imperceptible smirk curled at Sunghoon's lips. It made him look weak, as if he let Sunghoon run past the finishing line, when Jungwon hadn't even unleashed his full potential.

For what reason Jungwon felt so pertubed, he had no idea. Maybe it was because this Sunghoon dude was everything he was not. Money seemed to exude off him like his own personal scent, whilst Jungwon had cat hair clung to his trousers.

Ripping off the damn punching gloves, he discarded them before shoving past Jay to jab a finger at Sunghoon. "You think you won this?"

Sunghoon simply smirked, tilting his head with hands tucked into his pockets. "I don't need to say it, do I?"

"Nothing has been proved. Come back here this Friday, and then you can 'prove' yourself before an audience," Jungwon muttered with stones of hatred embedded in his tone. Sunghoon just scanned, unmoving.

Then, he sighed and nodded dismissively. "Fine. This Friday. I want to make it fair."

No words came to mind as he saw Sunghoon manoeuvring himself to the ground and dust his hands as if it was an easy task. But, to Jungwon, there was a stronger flame engulfing his thoughts and nerves, blinding him in the rage.

Jay, to say the least, was not impressed.

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The Tuesday was slow and, surprisingly, peaceful. Classes moved at a snail pace, lectures lasted for miles, and the only thing that kept you energised was the fact that Jungwon proposed to take you out today to a café.

One that he randomly found on tiktok and sent to you at midnight like the impulsive nocturnal he was. But, you weren't any better because you also lived as the night owl in your home.

The night held a different serenity. The silence was the constant melody that accompanied you in the late hours of night no matter how unhealthy it made your sleep schedule.

Refraining a yawn, the lecturer soon ended the class, and you packed everything up swiftly to get out of there. Three hours of that was enough to make a crack in your mindspace.

Today was going to be good—going to eat out with your boyfriend, share stories and secret jokes that tightened your bond even more.

Pushing past the glass doors, you descended the stairs and saw the familiar, black car with a familiar figure leaning on the door. A smile instantly appeared on your lips when you saw Jungwon looking cosy in his black hoodie and pants, his blonde hair reaching past his ears to form a messy style of a mullet.

"Won!" You exclaimed, jogging to him as he smirked at you, arms opening with an immediate welcome. Crashing into his arms, you engulfed him with your cheek on his warm chest. A minty scent pervaded from his neck, and you nudged your nose at him with a satisfied hum.

"You smell good," you commented, peering up at him. He chuckled with mirth before pinching your cheek.

"For my girl, of course," he said as you whined in feigned pain, swatting his hand away. Eventually, his sneaky hands glided around your waist and settled there, like home.

"What's the first thing on the agenda?" You asked excitedly. Jungwon pretended to ponder, eyes leaving yours as if to recapture his memories before returning to yours.

"Food, food, and more food." He lowered his lips and pressed a firm kiss to your forehead. The warmth travelled up your neck and cheeks, fully rendering you to his merciless affection.

"Perfect plan," you said with a nod.

"Of course it is, I planned it," he remarked, squeezing your waist a little before hauling you with him to the car. You laughed, holding onto his shoulders.

"I can walk, you know?" You giggled as he spun you around and firmly pinned you to the passenger door, his brown eyes twinkling with mischief.

"It's fine to carry you. You're like my personal accessory. I wish I could carry you in my pocket," he said, leaning in with words becoming closer and more intimate.

At his comment, you shook your head with an amused scoff. "Says you. Everything you do is cute. I want to put you in my pocket."

Acting offended, he put a heart to his chest as he tilted his head with a silly smirk gracing his lips. "You wound me, princess."

You and him shared laughter for a few seconds before he saw the light die out in your eyes, your gaze darting behind him, and your grin crumbled.

Jungwon, the ever curious one, did the same and squeezed your waist in worry.

"What's wrong?" He asked carefully as your gaze flickered back to him with newfound worry rising to the surface.

"I..."

You couldn't say anything, and with slight impatient curiosity, Jungwon turned over his shoulder, wondering what had gotten you all flustered like that.

It wasn't the sight he wanted to see, though: walking towards you and him with deliberate ease was Sunghoon, his crisp white shirt underneath his black blazer standing out in the somewhat empty street.

Even those damn shoes tapped like a death knell approaching you and him. Jungwon's gaze darkened, the previous jokes and humour vanishing in a flash, as if the rage he stored away had burned it all.

This dude must be following Jungwon. Of course. Why else would this dude have any speck of audacity to confront you and him like this? The urge to deliver a clean punch with just his knuckles was strong, the instinct like gravity.

The thing is, Sunghoon wasn't even looking at Jungwon with surprise—he was looking at you, as if he had discovered something odd and strange.

You shifted uncomfortably in his arms, leaning off the car and untangling yourself from him slightly, apprehension laced in your actions.

"Y/n, what are you—" Jungwon tried to mumble when Sunghoon called your name like old friends or something. The initial shock was a whip to his thoughts.

"It's funny meeting you here..." Sunghoon finally came within distance, smiling dangerously as he glanced at you, then Jungwon. Jungwon knew that he was commenting some kind of dots, that there was a clockwork of thoughts chiming inside that asshole's head.

Protective, Jungwon stepped forward. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

From the side, he could sense your confused glances between the two of them. Sunghoon simply tilted his head, jerking his head to you in a gesture.

"I was going to pick Y/n up," he replied easily, hands snug in his pockets. There it was again—another strike of confusion forming on the skin of his thoughts. Sunghoon knew your damn name.

"How the hell do you know her name?"

This time, Sunghoon gave an amused look before speaking.

"Well... this is truly funny," Sunghoon said with a slight scoff before darting his eyes to you, as if he had caught you in a web of acts. You quickly glanced away to Jungwon, who was blinking away.

But, Jungwon wasn't satisfied, his questions pricking him as he turned to you and Sunghoon.

"What the fuck is going on?" Jungwon muttered, impatience dappling his tone, and you could clearly see it.

Sunghoon chuckled and stepped towards your stiff stature, jabbing a thumb in your direction. "She hasn't told you?"

Now, the impatience was slowly burning his composure right on the spot. He grit his teeth, eyes narrowing. "What do you mean?"

A sigh escaped your lips, full of more worry of how to untangle this situation because it looks so wrong. Jungwon glanced to you, trying to soften his gaze.

"What haven't you told me?" He asked, taking a step closer to you with somewhat desperation. You know you couldn't hide it anymore. Not when Sunghoon decided to shove you right into the fire.

And, it wasn't fair to him either—to hide the secret that was Sunghoon and his courtship. Gulping hard, you glanced at Jungwon.

"... My parents wanted... they did this a few weeks ago. They wanted to set me up," you began saying, your voice barely fighting past the guilt. Jungwon narrowed his gaze.

"A few—do you mean two weeks ago?" He interjected with his body bolting with tension in every joint, thinking of those times you blew him off for those dates.

The panic seized your nerves, and you quickly stepped to him. "Yes, but I literally decided that I didn't want to do this! So, I don't know why Sunghoon is even here."

Sunghoon raised an eyebrow as it was all turned on him, staring at you as if he was calculating something before a glint shone through his eyes. You didn't want to find out why.

"Don't tell me... this is your secret boyfriend. And you haven't told your parents?" He scoffed, smiling with those menacing fangs peeking through. The doubt fully cracked Jungwon's composure now, the insecurities of the past few weeks rising to the ground and wringing around his ankles.

"That's not the point. I asked why you are here?" You interjected quickly with somewhat impatience as you glared up at him. Sunghoon just grinned.

"I wanted another chance to explain to you why our parents think we're a good match. But, I no longer think I need to be the one explaining," Sunghoon answered slyly.

Jungwon looked down, breathing slowly through his nose before staring at Sunghoon, thinking of so many things to say to this asshole, and to you.

"And, I'm not the only one who needs an explanation," Sunghoon added on as he looked to the brooding Jungwon, as if he recognised him. That's where your confusion sprouted.

"How do you...?"

"Boxing. The other day, we had a somewhat pleasant match, but we couldn't 'prove' ourselves," Sunghoon answered quickly, and neither you and Jungwon missed the smug tone buried beneath it. He clenched his fists tighter.

"I didn't know that." You glanced at Sunghoon, but he just let out a huff of amusement.

"I didn't know this either. But, hey, we all got secrets, don't we." Sunghoon crossed his arms, the mirth pricking all his words and the way he stood and gave you the same look. His words stung you, the hypocrisy in your own actions swinging back at you as you tried to divert the topic.

"I told you we wouldn't work out," you exclaimed in distress. Jungwon didn't understand how deep you and this dude went, but he knew for sure, that he disliked it deeply. He stared at you now.

Sunghoon dismissively waved his hand, fueling your irritation and desperation more. You huffed, running a hand through your hair before firmly turning to the taller male.

"Sunghoon. Leave. Please." You uttered the last bit with a prickle if desperation, observing how his resolve crumbled. He shrugged, giving one last look to you before narrowing his gaze at Jungwon.

Then, he sauntered away.

The silence between you and him could have measured mountains as you shifted on your feet, too apprehensive to even meet your boyfriend's eyes. Even from here, you could sense the questions he wanted to press.

"I... I can explain—" You tried to say, but Jungwon whirled around, lips pursed, shoulders tight as much as his jaw. You realised the delicacy of his mind right now, the trust dimming in his eyes.

"Why wouldn't you tell me? What...?" Jungwon groaned quietly, running both palms down his face in an attempt to rub off the exasperation in his features. You stepped forward, your thoughts jumbled in a mess.

"I... I didn't think it was important," you uttered, to which he scoffed now, hands by his side.

"You didn't think that it was important to tell me someone was courting you? That your family set you up? You know what?" Jungwon shook his head, eyes darting frantically as he crossed his arms in disbelief. "That's not the point. You could have taken the chance to tell them you're already dating someone."

Here it was again—the idea of pulling back the curtains to expose Jungwon to your parents. "Jungwon, I can't do that!"

"Why?" Jungwon snapped back in a way that shocked you. But, he didn't care. He stepped forward, putting a hand on his chest when you didn't reply.

"I know why," he began saying before adding on, "You're embarrassed of me."

Shock and denial mirrored in your own gaze whe you shook your head. Jungwon found it hard to believe anything else.

What other reason was there to hide the love blossoming between you and him, the unique petals that grew from the seed of your bond? No one else could replicate it the way you and him have. Yet, here you were, putting him deeper past the curtains into isolation.

The thought brought small shards of doubt and hurt to prick his nerves, to make his stomach tighten until he felt sick.

"I'm not embarrassed, Jungwon—"

"Then, why won't you tell them? Huh? To protect me?" Jungwon almost could laugh as he shook his head again, the denial and pain clashing together in a fight he couldn't predict.

The first fight he couldn't predict.

"No, you did this shit to protect yourself!"

You involuntarily flinched at the harshness in his words, but with your voice seemingly lost, Jungwon went on.

"Why do you let them do this to you? I get it—they want what's best for you, but do they get a decision in every part of your life? Over me?" Jungwon asked again, some of his voice losing its edge, but the anger was undeniably shadowing it. Your frown weighed deeper.

"I don't want to lose you. If my parents find out—"

"I don't give a shit about your parents. If it's us, then you should believe in that!"

Anger engulfed, suffocated you like a thick fog, forcing your thoughts and words so quickly that you didn't process your next remark.

"Of course you would say that when you ran away from yours."

The silence stilled him again as your words physically twisted his chest. He could almost spot the regret quickly forging in your eyes, but he was fixated on one thing.

When he told you his past, he told you that in complete confidence, to let his own anguish be lifted off his shoulders. He didn't expect it to be made into a weapon of steel that left him speechless and bewildered. No matter how much anger was brewing in him, the aftertaste of hurt lingered bitterly.

He stepped back, and you shakily stepped forward, remorse flooding your eyes and extinguishing that irritation. Though, Jungwon didn't want to hear it.

"J-Jungwon, I didn't mean that—"

He didn't listen, stepping back with a lump caught in his throat, his head on the verge of erupting. It was too warm, too suffocating despite being outside in the chilly weather. Heck, he wasn't even looking at you.

Yes, he left his parents because their control was like enduring constant stabs to his sanity. If he stayed any more, he would have been a shell of himself, a body with no soul to move him forward. Thinking of home now, he didn't want to retrace those footsteps.

His eyes met your teary ones, acknowledging the guilt beginning to ripen. His own breaths quivered but he forced himself to speak.

"I did. Yeah. But because they controlled me. You think I don't know controlling parents? I do. But I did something about it. It's about time you did as well. Stop latching on to everything they give you." He was breathless by the end of it but the message was firm and unmoving in his gaze.

It forced a shudder to pervade your body, the guilt growing like a toxic plant that only you were to be blamed for. Another step forward, but you flinched as Jungwon put a hand up to prevent anything else.

"I'm sorry," you whispered as he backed away, the agony storming in his eyes, the way he clenched his jaw a little tighter. You couldn't stop him.

You didn't want to stop him because deep down, you knew how he had wrung out the truth and found the seeds of reason as to why you kept him hidden.

It was your fault.

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THREE DAYS.

That's how long the silence stretched on for. And it was killing you. The more you sat and thought about his points, his anger, the more valid you found it to be.

How could you? The realisation struck deeper than any blade could, making you want to just scream and rewind the clock.

But, you couldn't, and you had no idea how to start off the conversation when you had offended him and practically watered his insecurity into a full-fledged plant.

University was rough, and on this fateful Friday morning, you gave in to the sickness plauging your mind and stayed in bed. Your mother didn't question it, but you know she would mumble about it later under her breath, and then depend on the wind to mask it.

When you had finally dressed into something more casual and washed up, you stared down at your phone, the reflection speaking to you in more ways than one.

Not only did you keep him hidden, but you also used his past against him. Whatever indignation you had at that moment crumbled like sand. You had no reason, no justification for the way you turned on him—and for what? To fabricate your own flawed actions? The look in his eyes pummelled you with stones.

Not telling your parents was a weak wall you had built to save yourself from lectures, from the disapproval that would have grown from telling them. But, you knew it wasn't worth the guilt that had blossomed in its place.

If you really thought about it, his insecurities had risen to the surface many times, chilling the conversations into awkwardness, and instead of melting away those internal problems, you just allowed it to freeze something unknown in the relationship.

You should have asked him how to solve this problem. Not how it would affect you: after all, two people make a relationship tick in perfect clockwork, and you only thought about yourself.

You groaned to yourself quietly, facing your ceiling now as you flopped back on your pillows, the stinging remorse burning your chest until tears rose to your eyes. It wouldn't do. The iciness would prevail unless you went out yourself to find him and his warmth.

A knock came on the door, and you lifted your head when your mother came in with some water and tea steaming up from a cup, all placed on a wooden tray.

Discreetly, you wiped your tears as she settled down the tray on your bedside table, sighing slightly. "Do you feel better?"

"Somewhat. Thanks." You took the cup of tea, the sweet scent and steam hitting your nose. When the liquid warmed your throat, it reminded you of the chill remaining in your bones.

She straightened, crossed her arms calculatingly. You didn't like how she was standing so you sipped your tea again.

"By the way..." she began saying as she sat on your bed. "Have you talked to Sunghoon? I still haven't been updated on whether or not you like him. He seems quite interested in you."

That name nearly made your eyes roll. Sunghoon—the dude that secretly boxed and then had the audacity to seek you out after purposely breaking the boundaries. He didn't seem to care.

Not only that, but the distaste he practically struck at Jungwon was clear from the way his narrowed gaze and smug smirk had appeared. It infuriated you, as if Jungwon was something beneath his shoe.

You shook your head, holding your cup tighter. "I don't like him. I thought Sunghoon said that."

"He didn't though. And why do you not like him? He comes from a respectable family?" She asked again and again.

The words almost made you cringe, the irony on them clashing in your head. Respectable? More like arrogant.

"He's not my type." You huffed, and your mother narrowed her gaze.

"Then, what is your type? It just seems like an excuse," she accused again, the slight sharpness cutting into her tone.

Instantly, you thought of Jungwon: he had those big, brown eyes, and they held galaxies within them whenever he was with you, when he took care of the cats at the café. His blonde fluffy hair and the small giggles he would let out that had the ability to draw you away from reality and replay it like a melody you desired to hear for centuries.

Most importantly, his support and understanding. Things he easily practised and sculpted with no trouble. He was so selfless.

And you failed to realise that.

Realising your mother was still awaiting an answer, the urge to just go find Jungwon grew. But, you want to make things right if you were to ever make you and him right.

"Mother. I don't. Like. Him." You sighed, putting the cup down onto the bedside table. She sighed, rubbing a hand to her temple, as if you had broken a valuable item.

"Why?"

"Because I just... don't," you said again, standing up as you went to your vanity, needing physical space before you lashed out.

Jungwon's name crept up your stomach, your chest and his presence swarmed your system. Your mother stood as well.

"That's not a reason, Y/n," she remarked back. And, you realised you had gotten her argumentative tendencies, hearing a lot of yourself.

You faced her again, Jungwon's warm presence once again wrapping around every thought in your mind, locking into each corner of your head.

"I just don't want him—"

"Are you serious? He's smart and respectable, and he would take care of you." She started listing off.

But, he wasn't like Jungwon.

"He's even secure, he would listen to you."

Not like Jungwon.

"And, I don't understand why you're holding back when I'm trying to help you—"

Your composure shattered as you snapped your eyes to her.

"Because I already have a boyfriend!"

You stood there, shoulders and body tense as your mother's face morphed from disbelief and shock to some kind of frustration that hardened instantly.

The silence was a heavy blanket, suffocating you instantly as you shifted on your feet. Then, your mother stepped forward once.

"You already have one?" She said quietly, her tone bruising. You lost your voice in that moment, so you just nodded once.

"Who? And why wouldn't you tell me?" She snapped again, making that familiar irritation grow in your chest.

"... I... I met him at a café."

"And? Who is he? Does he have a well job—"

"He works at the café." You corrected her, your voice dimming slightly as her eyes widened. You thought her damn eyeballs would fall out of their sockets.

"Works at a café? Y/n, what were you thinking?" She exclaimed.

"I'm thinking that this is a nice guy. And I really like him," you began saying, your arms falling to your sides, meeting her gaze with truth.

Jungwon had managed to leave a permanent print on you, a print full of colours and sweetness, of vibrant fun to light up your world.

"And, I don't care that he works at a café. He treats me so well, and he might not have a degree like you want people to, but I don't care," you explained with sincerity.

Your mother nearly gasped, running a hand over her temple again with stiffness. "He doesn't have a degree? Are you even thinking of your future?"

"I am! He would treat me well in the future! I'm not a child! I know who he is," you exclaimed again, voice rising against her own condescension, her oncoming tide of a lecture. She narrowed her gaze.

"I... I can't believe it." She touched her forehead again as if you had inflicted a disease on her. You grit your teeth, deciding it was enough.

On absolute impulse, you stormed to your bag and snatched it before walking right past her. She scurried after you, eyes threaded with clamouring alarm.

Y/n—"

Completely ignoring her, you walked right out of the house whilst she trailed after you with countless protests.

But no more would she control you or dictate that part of your life. She can't dictate your heart and bend it to her will. Jungwon already had it, and it was his to cherish.

You practically jogged down the street and realised she stopped chasing but you were moving, and found yourself ordering a taxi and speeding away. There could only be one place that Jungwon could be that you could think of.

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The cate café was still lit up by the time you were there, and you wasted no time in entering and rushing into the space. As you put the slippers on, you slid open the door to find the flurry of cats wandering about.

The sight would have calmed you if Jungwon wasn't on your mind. Without batting an eye, you strolled up to the counter to see Jay working on the till, tapping something. When he saw you, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Hey, I didn't expect to see you," he said with a slight smile. No doubt he's probably heard what happened between you and Jungwon, the pure selfishness you expressed.

Clearing your throat, you glanced up. "Is Jungwon here?"

Jay gave you a resigned look, shoulders slumping in a way that made your heart twist with dread.

"He asked me to cover for him." Jay sighed, something flashing through his gaze. You caught onto it, staring unmovingly until the desperation made you lean onto the counter.

"Do you know where he is. I need to talk to him." You blinked at Jay as he shifted in his place, eyes darting to and fro as if watching his thoughts run and crash into each other. "Please."

Jay glimpsed at your eager expression, and sighed. But, he nodded, which meant it worked.

"He's... he's at a boxing match," Jay finally said. Your heart leapt, too many thoughts rising. The guilt had released its poison again, making your eyes shut to recover.

A boxing match. With an audience, probably. You can't just wait for him. You were about to thank him when Jay interjected again.

"He has a match with this guy. This new, rich guy. It was a bet," he said, making the description describe Sunghoon perfectly from those brief words.

Then, the worry took its new place in your thoughts, floating thickly, chilling your body. He was fighting Sunghoon? No, no, no. Not that you minded Sunghoon getting beat up, but you don't want him to see Sunghoon and then have his insecurities jab at him again.

"You have to take me," you burst out again, holding the counter tightly. Jay hesitated before glancing at the clock. A few seconds later, he shrugged.

"Yeah, fuck it. Only an hour left of the shift," he muttered before flinging off his apron. "Help me close up."

With rushed actions, you helped Jay out with the cats, closing up the shop and then hopping into his car as he drove deeper into town. All the while, your hands twiddled over each other in your lap as you tried to think of what to say to Jungwon.

He was worth everythin —worth every lecture and look of disapproval. After all, this was your life, and, for once, you wanted to hold the pen and write down what you wanted.

The early evening sky approached over Seoul, light rekindling to the lamps on the roads and pavements. The closer you got to your destination, the more your urge grew to just jump out the car and run there yourself.

Jay would have joked about your state, but you seemed genuinely distressed and didn't comment on it as he steered into the next road.

Once parked, you and Jay got out, the darkness casting shadows over the narrow alleyway. Jay didn't stutter with directions as he led you down the path and back into the familiar alleyway.

You didn't question it, too eager to reach Jungwon and pour out your apologies for everything you had done.

Once reaching the dark doors, it was as if you were walking into a void from how absent the light was. Hesitating slightly, you pushed through it, the determination rising again.

When you walked forward a little too quickly, you bumped into Jay's back as he yelped.

"Sorry," you mumbled. He waved it off, even though you didn't see it, and helped you into the open light of the normal boxing ring, the slightly flickering lights, and the emptiness that surrounded it.

Just like before, you and him went down that dim corridor until reaching the thick metal door. Jay was the one to push it and let out the roar of cheers and encouragement.

The room was just the same as before, but this time, it was busier, it had more seats and tables filled with drinks and plastic cups, the shop-bought lights blaring brightly at the one platform that had two men fighting on it.

People clustered around the platform, cursing or cheering, a concoction of both that truly displayed the violence they were eager to bet on.

Jay led you in, and then turned his head a few times, but grew defeated. Leaning in close to you, he said, "I'll look for Jungwon in the locker room. You stay here in case you see him."

Agreeing to that plan, you let Jay go to be left alone with the crowd and your potential regret.

You were making a thousand different strategies to apologise, and even then, you couldn't even create a clear path of that. Everything was too disorderly.

You should have written a damn letter on why you were a terrible girlfriend.

When the cheers reached a peak, you glanced up to see one of the men, the black hair, blue jacket, and sharp nose. You nearly gawked as you saw Sunghoon triumphantly raise his arm in victory.

The host gestured for someone to drag the other dude off the platform, and the unease that surrounded Sunghoon was now too much to ignore. The smugness in his face was persistent as ever, soiling your memories and comfort towards him.

"The new guy has won two fights so far!" The host exclaimed, earning another nonchalant smirk from Sunghoon.

For some reason, this felt too horrid. As if Sunghoon's smile was purely because of the abrasive hits he had managed to get down, to almost build a ladder that his ego could climb and never come down from. It was purely a reach for dominance and internal power. It made you sick.

You gripped the pillar tighter, watching as Sunghoon scnneded the crowd before the host started grinning again.

"And so, for the next round, we have one of our best fighters attending! Let's see if our new guy can beat him. You know what they say—the third time is the lucky charm!" He exclaimed into the mic, and the crowd erupted again into ferocious cheers that forced your heart to pump faster.

You didn't like those words, the anticipation it had leaking into your veins like ice. As you watched closely, the host moved, and the people whistled and cheered again as a familiar blonde hopped onto the stage with big, white gloves.

When you saw the blonde locks, no doubt you knew it was Jungwon, and you were right. It was him, but there was a tightness in his shoulders, the tension in his jaw and the burrowed eyebrows. Even his brown eyes held a black hole there instead of a million stars.

You don't know whether it's because your relationship had smashed to the ground, or if Sunghoon's face was a clear target that provoked him. Or both. It was rational in a way.

But the sight of him tugged on your heart. The sharp gaze made your heart flutter in the midst of all of this coldness. As if your silly heart still managed to find a way to be drawn to his warmth and grow alive again.

The urge to stop him and just kiss him right there was a good idea if only you didn't have social anxiety and if you had already talked to him. Which you didn't.

The host grinned again, sly. "A juicy bet, this one. Remember to put your money in! And then, the fight can commence!"

People shifted and manoeuvred, but all you could focus on was the heavy steps Jungwon did as he circled around, Sunghoon doing the same as they kept their distance. Arrogance was a badge that Sunghoon wore visibly, the smirk living on his lips whilst a frown prevailed on Jungwon's.

The crowd thickened again, and you didn't realise people joining and entering, but you knew there was no way of getting to the front unless you wanted to become the people's personal rug. You kept to the pillar, leaning on it.

"Okay! Is everyone ready for the next fight?"

The crowd basically yelled in response, some not even speaking, just screaming. The host laughed and then gestured something. Sunghoon and Jungwon came to the centre and bumped fists. Jungwon's jaw ticked even more.

The host grinned and moved back out of the ring before a sudden bell went off. You held your breath.

Sunghoon lunged first with a bold jab which Jungwon defended, lifting both arms vertically to display his veiny arms.

There you go again, staring at something irrelevant like a new teenager. As if he wasn't your boyfriend.

When Sunghoon rained down on the jabs at his defensive arms, Jungwon slid to the right and delivered a hook to pummel his ribs, and then delivering an uppercut to his jaw that sent the crowd in a blaze of excitement.

Sunghoon recoiled and recovered in an instant and backed away, circling from the attack. Jungwon, however, he was tracking him, following his footsteps, a sudden fire igniting within when he hunched his shoulders and got into stance again.

Sunghoon sneered and, once again, lunged with a ferocious uppercut to Jungwon's stomach, and he kept going at it.

You gasped, straightening as you saw Jungwon's face contort in pain, but he used that oppurtunity to rain down punches on Sunghoon's nape and shoulders, delivering three sharp ones before Sunghoon faltered and moved away.

There was a slight slither of satisfaction in your stiff body, and you stepped closer for a better look, the lights from above hitting your eyes.

This time, the crowd almost gave a collected groan and laugh, as if they were mocking Sunghoon. It seemed to egg him on as he straightened, glaring at Jungwon as he circled about again like two opposing lions in a battle.

You saw Sunghoon say something to Jungwon, something that made Jungwon's composure break as he suddenly charged forward.

The crowd gasped and roared in exhilaration as Jungwon jabbed at Sunghoon's torso, unhinged and unrestrained. Sunghoon brought his weight to his left, then swiftly to his right.

Jungwon wasn't ready for it and stumbled back harshly when Sunghoon delivered a hook to his back and a jab to his side.

Your breath hitched, eyes trained on a retreating Jungwon, taking his eyes off Sunghoon to the crowd, towards you.

When your gazes met, electricity shot through you, making you straighten your posture. You wanted to tell him so much, but he was the first to look away when Sunghoon slowly approached again.

The brief eye contact left you hollow, empty, and your shoulders deflated slightly.

Jungwon watched closely, a newfound thought clouding his eyes when Sunghoon smirked again, fists close to his face.

The crowd was too loud, his body stiff and tired, and his mind burned in exasperation. Jungwon grit his teeth and let Sunghoon shift from foot to foot, getting closer.

When he was close enough, Jungwon stepped on his right and pivoted, ultimately turning his back onto him first, but his elbow collided with Sunghoon's side.

He grumbled, but Jungwon didn't let him recover from the stumble as he let furious punches spitfire at Sunghoon, right at his ribs and side.

He didn't know if he breathed, he didn't know if pain tinged at his knuckles and shoulders, he just hailed down on the hits until Sunghoon stumbled back, tripping over his own feet.

Even with Sunghoon on the ground with his arms vertically up before his face, Jungwon took the chance to stand atop him, aiming the damn punches at Sunghoon's stomach.

Sunghoon groaned in pain, squirming away, and even attempted a shot at getting back at Jungwon, but he only took the oppurtunity to deliver a sharp hook to his jaw.

The people around the platform practically broke into another roar, supporting Jungwon's newfound violence. For some reason, he kept punching, practically raining punched on Sunghoon's face until his hands weakly rested atop his head and when the bell went off.

Sunghoon was on the ground for too long, and the crowd all jeered and yelled in dispute or celebration.

Jungwon stood, not bothering to help Sunghoon up as he glanced up and saw you again, your eyes wide, desperate and sparkling like it always did. The adrenaline kept his thoughts running, so he turned away and got off the platform.

That made you walk. He can't leave you there. Your chest was too tight and holding too much to just suppress back into your head and bury away.

Remembering that locker room again, you retraced your steps as you walked around the crowd, rushing into the familiar grey hallway, pushing past the doors.

You saw the way he best Sunghoon. As if he was reassuring himself of something, something to prove. But he shouldn't need to prove anything to anyone, especially not to you.

You let your own fear control your love life, play you like a helpless puppet, and ultimately drain Jungwon of the love he deserved.

Once approaching the familiar locker doors, you flinched when Jay was the one to open it, eyes almost holding an epiphany.

"Jay..." you said breathlessly. He rubbed the back of his head.

"He came in here just now. In the shower," he said, stepping out into the hallway before you. Normally, the thought of him showering would be too intimate, but you were more eager to fix the cracks in the very trust you had broken

"Thank you, Jay."

You didn't wait for a response before bursting into the room, the small locker room empty except the shower running in the adjacent room. You bit your lip, fighting yourself on waiting for him or to talk to him from behind the curtain.

Your thoughts were splintering, about to burst past the dam that held you back. The surge of impatience was hard to suppress, and you entered the shower area with hope that it was only Jungwon occuyping the stall.

To your luck, you only heard one, and a single curtain was drawn at the utmost end of the bathroom.

"Jungwon?" You called out, your voice slightly held back, testing the waters. The shower turned off, and you heard movement, but nothing that was his voice.

Taking it as a cue to move forward, you inched closer to his curtain, fingers twiddling, the worry and burden of your own thoughts anchoring at your feet, like rusted shackles.

"Won. I... you don't need to talk because... you don't need to argue. I'm here to apologise. I was an idiot," you began saying, the lump in your throat forging through like steel.

"You know that, but... I don't want to lose you. And... I got so mad. I shouldn't have. I should have listened to you, but I got angry because... I didn't want to accept that you were right." You shakily breathed, head dipped as tears welled at your eyes.

You felt pathetic, but you wanted to push through it because he wasn't to blame.

"I... I am scared of my parents, and that just made it easier for them to control. I should have... I should have told you about Sunghoon, and I should have told them earlier about you. Because, Jungwon, you are so good for me. You're literally... the best thing I have ever had, believe it or n-not," you said with a slightly breathless and sad chuckle.

You sniffled, tears running down your cheeks silently, the vulnerability seeping through with every streak of tears.

"I can't... buy this anywhere else. You're seriously... a r-rare kind. You're not something I could ever buy. You're just... a miracle. I shouldn't have kept you a secret."

You let out another quivering breath, the silence threatening your composure even more as you wiped your eyes.

"You don't need to f-forgive me, even if I have told my mother about you. I just want you to know that you helped me at least take the first step," you said more quietly, not realising the quiet figure that stepped out from behind the curtain.

You kept going, the dam now freely flowing, streams of thoughts rushing out. "And... I love you, you know? You seriously... have given me so much. And, I didn't even try the same for you."

A hand cupped your jaw, lifted your face as your breath hitched in alarm. There he was, the anger distant now, with something softer and understanding. Guilt. Which you didn't understand. He was wearing a white t-shirt, black slacks, and he looked fresh.

The bruise on his jaw formed, but he didn't care as he stepped closer, both thumbs stroking your cheeks, wiping the tears away. You didn't deserve this much sincerity.

"Stop... stop apologising," he said softly, not being able to endure anymore tears blinding the sparkle in your eyes.

You weren't having it, though, your arms encircling his waist, face digging into his chest with more tears running down your cheeks. You don't even know why he's apologising when you were the one that created the hurdle.

He sighed, his arms tightly locking around your body, a cheek pressed to your forehead as if it was the only way he could connect any deeper with you.

"I don't like seeing you cry," he whispered, his own voice trembling. When you heard the quiver, your eyes lifted to see the remorse etched into his face, the frown anchoring his lips. "You don't need to apologise."

"But, I do. This... this all happened because of me. And I was totally out of line. And—"

Jungwon placed a finger on your parted lips, silencing your breathless self. He managed a small smile, but it wasn't completely weaved with joy. Just slight endearment and apprehension.

"To make you feel better, I forgive you, Y/n." He touched your tearful cheek, wiping away the guilt staining your skin. He didn't want to have you feel all that burden.

Confusion sparkled again in those gaze of yours.

"I forgive you. Even if... that comment did hurt, I know it wasn't... from a bad place. I know you have expectations to meet, but I also knew you were holding yourself back." Jungwon held your shoulders now, melting away the iceberg that froze in the center of your chest. "Do you know how much that hurts me? Seeing you have to hide something you love?"

You knew all too well how hard it was to even talk against your parents. The loyalty was a noose around your neck, and you had no courage to pull it apart.

He lifted your chin again when you glanced down, firm, wanting your utmost attention. "You shouldn't even have to feel scared. They shouldn't have that power over you. I just wanted to help you."

"I know... I'm so sorry, Won," you mumbled tearfully, and he smiled in sympathy again, shaking his head in feigned disappointment.

"What did I say about apologising?" He said softly, his tone dry of any type of command. Even then, you wiped your eyes, seeing his features even more now.

"I should have told you," You said again, voice hoarse as you wiped away your tears with your sleeves. He nodded, agreeing with you but the blame dimmed within you. It was just him and understanding.

One of the things you absolutely adored about him. Even after all of this, he still held the highest standards of care, making sure it was the most significant thing he needed to consider.

He held your shoulders, lips pursing and releasing a sigh through his nose. "I just don't want you hiding."

After all of this, he still spoke to you with softness, mellow demands and pleas. It took you everything not to apologise again.

"I know. I realise it now. You are right. And, I don't want to lose you," you said, gazing up at him again, the warmth of his hands grounding you.

"Me either. I could have... reacted better. I'm sorry for that," he said, thumbs rubbing the edges of your collarbone through your shirt.

You held his wrists, smiling after a while actually. "N-no. You didn't deserve my selfishness."

"You give yourself too much credit." He chuckled lowly again, shaking his head as your hands splayed at his warm chest.

"I think I deserve it. I caused the problem and tried to fix it. I... I told my mother. Let's just see how she takes it," you replied, pressing your forehead against his shoulder, giving him the opportunity to slide his hands to your waist, hugging you once more.

The thought of having to go back, face your mother and her possible lectures unsettled your stomach and appetite. You sighed as he slightly swayed you and him, chin resting softly atop your locks.

"I don't want to go back home," you whispered, sighing. He tightened his grip, stilling, and you noticed it, glancing up. Something was brewing in his eyes, dark, eager.

"Stay with me then." He retorted, voice slightly lower, practically sending your nerves to shudder from the spine down.

His eyes were cloudy, losing touch of reality and its problems. He pulled you closer, your torso bumping into him as your breath hitched.

"Well?" Jungwon murmured when you stayed silent. This was different, exhilarating, and stronger than any kind of pull you had experienced. And your heart thrummed, singing a different song and making you nod.

"Of course."

As soon as you said that, he pushed you back into the shower cubicle, your shoes tapping swiftly on the ground as you gasped. He pressed your back into the damp wall, but you didn't give a care when he crashed his lips to yours, moving desperately and trying to prove something different.

Love, perhaps.

"Mm, I missed you," he murmured against your lips, hooking his hands around you, one at your lower back and another to cup your head. Your eyes were shut, hands clutching his shirt and kissing him.

There were no words needed. The pull you ached for was clearly displayed when you bit his lower lips, now gripping his nape. He groaned loudly, not giving a care on whether anyone would walk in and hear.

The air was heavy, suffocating you in his embrace, but you craved more. You craved the anchoring love of his, the type to keep you rooted to him, even if it consumed your organs and thoughts like water.

Jungwon didn't stop, lips departing only to pepper deep and eager kisses down your jaw, all the way to your ear. Your breath hitched, but he held you tighter, hands skimming down your back until the hem.

As if testing the waters, he deftly untucked your shirt, and you sighed loudly again. You could almost feel his smirk on your skin, travelling down your ear and the side of your throat.

Taking it as a sign, Jungwon's hands dived beneath the fabric, roaming up your bare skin. You hummed again, and he pressed more insistent kisses into your skin, daring to suck.

You groaned breathlessly, your eyes fluttering shut as he pressed you flush to him, his built torso molding against your soft ones.

"Fuck, you're so hot," he groaned against your neck, nipping at the skin, making your breath hitch more, chest heaving against his. You held onto him tighter, feeling his hands running up your bare back, dancing across your spine in a perfected plan until he reached the clasp of your bra.

That alone sent a thousand ripples to shake your composure, a reminder of how he could take you apart and how you would plead for more of that type of destruction.

With his kisses heavy on your throat, you groaned breathily again, arching your body to curve perfectly to his. Jungwon knew his constructed calmness was about to crumble into an avalanche and reduce him to rubble at your feet.

He didn't open it opting to squeeze your sides and kiss your lips again, tongue tracing carefully. There was no patience remaining there and, if there was, it would have been consumed by the heat in your belly.

The slight dim lighting made it better, and you couldn't suppress the slight whimper as he pressed his hips firmly to yours to test your limits.

Jungwon smirked against your lips, departing for a second, and his one hand snaked to your chin, tilting your dazed gaze to his. Your hands stayed on his shoulders, your skin tingling with delight.

Jungwon's own gaze was swarmed with something, more cloudy, stormy with an urge that he couldn't hold back from.

"I could keep you like this all day. And, you would let me, wouldn't you?" He murmured, his teasing words striking you with heat. You fluttered your eyes at him, tilting your head as his warmth ran through you.

"We both know the answer to that," you replied. Jungwon smiled wickedly again.

"You act as if that's something annoying you." He chuckled, lowering his lips to your neck again and completely shattering the weak composure. He kissed, hands returning to your bare back, down to your hip and forcing you closer to him.

"Well, a shower room is not the place I imagined this to be happening," you remarked with a voice failing to hold together. He laughed lowly again, his smugness running through your collarbone. You held his nape again, and he squeezed your hip.

"We can wait. I don't want to rush you," he said, still managing to ask. You know it's the bare minimum, but you felt lucky whenever he did.

"I want you. So much." Your eyes met his when he lifted his head, eyes heavy with wisps of desire.

"I want you, too. Clearly," he said, accentuating his hips to yours, making it obvious. Your throat ran dry, suddenly aware of how far you were going, and that you weren't willing to retract.

"So much for waiting. Your body doesn't want it," you said, teasing him despite the way his own self elicited something heavier to flutter and consume your heart. He scoffed, still close enough for you to be molded to him.

"I know. I should really learn to hold back. Maybe you can ease it?" He said, raising an eyebrow as if his innuendo went unseen. Rolling your eyes, you pushed his shoulder slightly.

"Why do you need me to help your situation. Use your brain," you said with a chuckle when he had that familiar infuriated, yet amused, expression.

"You're killing me here," he murmured lowly again, lips and inch from yours, his threats doing nothing to lower your smile. "Gee, I wish I could just control my hormones, you know?"

"A real man knows how to," you teased again, being dramatic and exaggerative.

"Well, I guess I'm not real then. Just a figment of your amazing imagination. It's all in your head," he replied, contemplative as he firmly pressed his hips again. Your breath stuttered.

Even then, you didn't let the banter go unanswered. You locked your arms around his neck, staring up at him.

"My crazy imagination is making me see a crazy man. I think I'm having a weird dream thing right now." You grinned, eyes flickering to his lips. "I don't want to wake up."

At your sweet words, even if tied to a joke, softened his cloudy eyes, replacing it with the urge to kiss your forehead. His lips were soft, lingering on your skin and he let himself caress your cheek, as if you were the most luckiest thing that could enter his life.

"I love you." He breathed in the scent of your hair. Your eyes fluttered shut as you hugged him, grateful for it all. Grateful that you could be understood, forgiven after your selfish acts.

"Love you, too."

Just as he went in for another kiss, the curtain flung open behind him, making you and him jump. Standing there was Jay, his eyes scanning the scene, the hands around your waist, the fact that you were nestled in a shower stall.

Grimacing heavily, Jay rubbed his temples. "Seriously?"

"You didn't need to pull back the curtain, by the way," Jungwon said with a smirk, finally distancing himself from you slightly.

"And let you two continue God knows what in here?" Jay inquired, shooting daggers more at Jungwon than you. Warmth ignited your cheeks at being caught by Jay for the nth time.

"This is a public space."

"And yet you pulled back the curtain of someone's shower stall," Jungwon remarked sharply. Jay just waved it off, as if that wasn't the point. Jungwon grinned.

"You know, I'm right."

"No, you're not! I expected you to make up, not make out," Jay said with a huff, even though half of that was true.

"I would ask what movies you watch, but clearly you haven't watched a movie about fighting couples," Jungwon said with a wicked grin. Jay ran a hand through his hair, disgust sweeping over his eyes.

"Jungwon?"

"Yeah?"

"Get the fuck out." Jay sighed, and then glimpsed at your figure curled behind Jungwon, gaze slightly mellowing around the edges. "Not you, though, Y/n. Respectfully, leave."

━━━━━━━━━━˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱‧₊˚━━━━━━━━━━

"STOP BEING SO NERVOUS."

Jungwon huffed, brushing a hand through his newly cut blonde hair, only for it to flop back into place again. He frowned as you held his wrist.

"Stop, Won. You don't need to be doing that. And, I think wearing formal is enough," you said before dragging your eyes down his body clad in a black shirt, trousers and his pine green jacket.

He was being overly ridiculous, letting the doubts of meeting your parents get ahold of him.

After you had told your parents of Jungwon, they seemed reluctant, but ultimately, they had never seen your eyes sparkling with so much sincerity when you had talked about him. They knew that the care ran deep, too much to just forget about.

That's how you found yourself walking with Jungwon to your home, happily holding his hand and even squeezing it reassuringly. A subtle grip of his hand returned, and he let out another releasing breath.

"You're sure they won't hate the blonde?"

"No?"

"And, I'm not even wearing a tie."

"My father doesn't even wear one. He gets lazy sometimes and wears a clip-on," you said again, giving him that sweet smile of yours. Jungwon's frown remained, bottom lip jutting out as much as his anxiety acting like a sore thumb.

In all honesty, you know your parents will have questions, but that's the point of a relationship—to fight for it, to avoid any possible hurdles and untangle them together.

You wished you had done so earlier.

Jungwon nearly gawked as he stared at your home, the silver gates twice his size enough for him to know you weren't just an ordinary girl.

Of course, you were different, but damn, your home called him broke in five different ways.

"Okay, you ready? We can always cancel if you have any problems," you said, turning to him. Jungwon found it too adorable as your eyes sparkled up at him.

But, there was no point holding it off into the future. Otherwise, he would never get there. Holding your hand a little tighter, he leaned down to kiss your forehead.

"Yeah. Let's go. They're probably waiting."

Jungwon wanted to curl up and shrivel on the spot when he met your parents.

The reason?

He meant to give a handshake and found his hand curled into a fist as if he was dabbing up Jay.

The internal embarrassment hit him like bullets, making his smile tight and his cheeks flush slightly. He knew you were laughing to yourself at the side but decided against glaring at you.

Anything to hear your happiness.

Even then, his parents scrutinised, as if they had a built-in system to recognise his sincerity, and then, they nodded and gave a small smile.

"Welcome, Jungwon." Your mother said, those eyes mellowing as she lead everyone into the dining room. Taking it as a good sign, you held his arm, then slid your fingers to his, interlacing them, as if you had finally reached something you had been looking for in the dark.

All at once, those intricate webs of doubt broke so easily. It almost felt like dust.

After having some tea, Jungwon finally breathed when he went up to your room, eyes taking in the cream tones, the colours that were taken from your personality and embedded in the bedsheets, jewellery and stickers around the room and vanity.

You spun in the room, presenting your room with a small smile. "Welcome! Where do you want to explore first?"

"This room could take two business days to explore," Jungwon mused with a smirk, staring at the big perimeter that was your room.

"Does that mean you can stay over then?" You remarked, mischief glittering in the sky that were your eyes. Jungwon grinned, sauntering over to hold your hips.

"I mean, I don't want to just crash over here," he said, leaning down with voice clouded with intensity, slowly fogging your head as well. He squeezed your hips, maneuvering you back, and back until you sat on the bed before him. You raised an eyebrow.

"You're already manhandling me. Haven't we gotten past that stage?" You joked, crossing your arms. He rolled his eyes, smirk remaining like a stain he couldn't remove.

"Well, if you say we've exceeded boundaries..." He bent down over you, forcing you to slightly lay down on your forearms. "Can we explore here first?"

The heat exploded in your cheeks, refusing the ability to act indifferent here. Ugh, he always managed to crumble your composure so effortlessly.

"You're a freak," you said, giggling as your hand swatted at his chest. Jungwon shrugged, eyes wandering down your body before capturing your gaze.

"It's not like you don't like it," Jungwon said, tilting his head, continuing to inch closer as your breath hitched.

"I don't, so."

"We were kissing in a male public shower stall. I think you are just as much a freak as I am," he said with a chuckle, low, and made your stomach flutter. Even then, your stubbornness struck your next words.

"That's different. I was trying to make it up to you. Technically, you got me into the shower stall." You laughed as he suddenly hovered over you, a knee coming between yours as your back met the bed.

The mischief never faded, though, along with your grin that he loved a bit too much. He stared as if calculating and then leaned down again.

"You have a bit of a smart mouth on you," he murmured with his deep voice, lips a few seconds apart, eyes mesmerising you.

"So, I've been told," you replied back just as smoothly, eyes never leaving his alone, glittering with something genuine and true. He smiled again, a little softer this time.

"Yeah, well, can it kiss me then? I've been waiting all day," he said, hips pressed against yours now, his arm maneuvering your leg to hitch about his waist.

The action alone bloomed heat in your cheeks, and wildflowers that sprouted and rooted into your body with love. You cupped his jaw and brought his lips down to yours.

Accepting the invitation, Jungwon moved his lips softly against yours, savouring his time and your lips. Like a secret and silent conversation he never wanted to leave alone.

You wrapped your arms around his nape and he slid his hand to your waist, pressing in the comfort, the trust he had for you, almost as if he was molding it into your bones.

He departed and braced himself above you, tilting his head to stare down at you.

"You're perfect, you know?" He breathed, as if he didn't look like a fairytale himself.

"And have you seen yourself?" You remarked with a laugh. He rolled his eyes with no hint of aggression and gazed at you, as if he was analysing something.

Or, more like his gaze melted into you, softening and ultimately leaving him mellow and serene.

"I love you, you know?" He said again. Those words—you could never get tired of them. Every time he did say it, the world lit up again, and it was only you two in this world, gravitating towards each other.

Your breath hitched, your grin dying down into something more honest and tender. At the end of the day, you would rather not be with anyone else but Jungwon.

His sincerity was unmatched to anyone else you ever met. You may be biased in that finding, but with him, it was certain that the bond bridged between was sculpted with trust, care, and love. All of it needs attention to stay indestructible. Heck, you may have stayed as a puppet if it wasn't for him.

You didn't want to lose him at all.

"I love you, too... my freaky man."

"Oh, shut up." He grinned, nuzzling his nose against your cheek, his breath caressing you. It was cruel, but you laughed with him.

Sometimes, you think about it even later—why you kept something like him a secret. It was fear and insecurity that had clashed in your brain, eradicating all the logic you usually had.

And, for what? Validation? The type of validation that you would never reach because your parents stretched it to the ends of the Earth?

Even you have limits. You had let yourself believe that there wasn't when it came to pleasing your parents. In result, you had buried and crushed your desires in order for theirs to take their place. Though, because of that, failure came easier to recognise rather than the current success you had in your hands.

From there, you learned that you wouldn't keep your desires a secret.

Besides, your parents didn't even kill you anyways when you said you were dating Jungwon. So, it's a win.

Even years later, the remnants of guilt sometimes floated up again. Keeping Jungwon a secret didn't bring you comfort in the slightest; it only brought burden and doubts to you both. Keeping him in the dark meant he hadn't deserved to be brought to the light.

But Jungwon deserved everything.

━━━━━━━━━━˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱‧₊˚━━━━━━━━━━

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ[NOTES]: omg! Hi! If you made it this far? Wow. You all are amazing 😭. I'm sorry this was so long, but i hope you enjoyed <3

Thank you <3

⋆ཐིཋྀ[TAGLIST]: @haengi @yajw @hollxe1 @vixialuvs @dreamiestay @wontechno @jungwonchocochipcookie @meowwwon @page-espoir @dearestdreamies @yunjiiin @fancypeacepersona @readeryaknow @flawlessapollo6 @urmomssneakylink @wonys-won @vvenusoncasual @jellymiki @llearlert @xylatox @firstclassjaylee @jellyluv4eva @jayjw16enxp @tya0 @curryyed @kimbabikidding561

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sumiieon · 3 days ago

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✦ Childhood Sweethearts ノ The childhood friends trope with phainon ⸝⸝ not proofread ⸝⸝ bad english ⸝⸝ gn reader ⸝⸝ may be ooc ⸝⸝ modern au ⸝⸝ wc: 3,2k chars

ノ Phainon, The Deliverer ⸝⸝ Oh where do I even begin with for this one. I have a gut that a childhood friends trope with Phainon would begin with Phainon getting introduced to you when the two of your parents are meeting each other (that's so cliche of you fleur woo-hoo......) ⸝⸝ "[Name], why don't you go play with him? He's the son of mama's friend, it wouldn't hurt if you two befriend each other. Who knows you'd get along with him!" ⸝⸝ And then before you know it, you now have acquired yourself a light-blue haired sunshine of a boy akin to a samoyed puppy visiting you anytime he can, waving at your window with that big stupid grin of his as if inviting you to play together (you could've sworn you saw his tail wag happily as he waves at you) ⸝⸝ Hear me out please: Phainon and you making flower crowns together with Cyrene. Once you're all done, you and him would then put your flower crowns on top of each other's head. Then when you're busy laughing and giggling, cherishing the moment, Phainon looks at you with eyes that just screams.. In love with you, he just isn't aware of it........ yet. ⸝⸝ From that day on, Phainon makes it a mission to make you smile or if you're feeling generous, a laugh that always makes him lose his composure. It could range from comforting and cheering you up when you're upset, to (unintentionally) doing something stupid that fishes out a laugh from you. ⸝⸝ Once when you're not around, Cyrene decided to give into her curiosity and ask Phainon the question every person in love always dread when asked. "Hey, you seemed so extra happy around [Name]. Am I missing something here?" ⸝⸝ I see Phainon as the type to at first be a little bit oblivious to his feelings when he has feelings for someone, so Phainon denied it and brushed her question off as "[Name] is just my good friend! Whenever they're around, I feel happier and they're so fun to play with. That's it!" ⸝⸝ That statement was partially true... If, only Phainon did not fall even harder as the two of you grow with each other. What was once an answer that stemmed from obliviousness and hesitance, now replaced with little denial as well as a pinch of embarrassment. ⸝⸝ "... You like [Name], don't you??" "Don't be ridiculous, Mydei. We're just best friends!" "You look like a lovesick puppy around them, nice try though." ⸝⸝ It's not Phainon's fault! He can't help it! He can't help his racing heart as he spends more time with you, finding each of your traits, features, and you yourself the more endearing the longer he spends his time with you! ⸝⸝ Phainon can't help the blood that rushed to his cheeks when you inched slightly closer to him (unintentionally, or maybe intentionally if you caught up on what his deal is). He used to be close to you with ease, so why now that his heart is making such a big deal and fuss over it?? ⸝⸝ The deliverer is aware that he can't possibly keep this bubbling feeling of his hidden forever, and he plans to confront them to you soon (hopefully you're prepared on a random evening when the breeze is blowing softly, and a grown light blue samoyed― except instead of his usual cheerful grin, it's a shy little smile with light pink dusting his cheeks― stands in front of you with his heart bare.)

#― WRITE #sumiieon #fleuriion #hsr phainon #phainon #phainon x reader #phainon x you #phainon x y/n

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differenteagletragedy · 1 day ago

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The one where Simon Riley gets a roommate and the roommate is you and eventually you fall in love etc.

There's a bar in Simon's neighborhood where he goes sometimes when things get a little too loud in his head. A few nights a week or so, when he's home, he finds himself there, sitting at a corner stool at the bar and nursing a whiskey. He doesn't like being around people, not really, but he likes this better than he likes being alone with his thoughts.

That's why he started going anyway, a long time ago. Now, he mostly goes for you.

A pretty little bartender with a past -- one you haven't told him about, but he can smell it on you. It's in the way your eyes dart to the door every time it opens, and in the way the tension builds in your body when some drunk gets a little too loud. He'd noticed how gorgeous you were the first day, but now the pull is in the mystery.

Where did you come from? What happened to you? And why do you smile at him like he's not the most dangerous man you'd ever met?

He doesn't understand it, but you're always kind to him. You always greet him warmly, pour his favorite whiskey with a heavy hand without him asking. Sometimes, when he comes in on a slow night, you'll lean over the bar to talk to him about nothing until someone pulls you away. You laugh at his jokes.

You're too pretty for him, the scarred, hulking monster of a man that he is. And you're entirely too sweet. You deserve someone better, younger, more stable, more whole. You deserve more than whatever it is that you'd gotten before, and a hell of a lot better than him.

But one night when he comes in and sees you looking quietly frantic, eyes red-rimmed and anxious as you flit about the bar, that knowledge goes out the window.

"What's wrong?" he asks quietly, studying the slight shake of your hand as you pour his drink.

"Nothing," you answer automatically.

"Bullshit."

You sigh, and after a little more prodding, you tell him: the owners of the bar are selling the building to developers, who are going to tear the place down, so soon, you'll be out of a job. But worse, you rent the small little attic apartment over the bar, so you'll be out of a home as well.

Simon can see it in your eyes, knowing the look all too well: you feel hopeless.

"I've got a room," he says.

And it's a stupid thing to say, because he has no business offering you something like that. He doesn't know you, not really, and you don't know him, and the room isn't a guest room so much as it is an empty space in his house that he's never had any reason to fill.

What can he really offer you? Not just with the room, but at all? Whatever it is, he knows it would never be enough.

But you give him the tiniest of smiles, and he sees something flicker in your eyes, and it doesn't matter how ridiculous the idea is. If you want it, it's yours. If he has it, you can take it, and he'll give it gladly.

"Really?" you ask. "I don't have a lot of money or anything."

"Don't need it."

"I haven't had a chance to look for a new job yet, but I'm gonna start tonight," you assure him. "So hopefully I can find something right away and --"

"Don't worry about it, love," he interrupts. "Not offering because I need the money. Room is yours if you want it."

He speaks gruffly, as he always does, and he hopes that you won't ask too many questions, because truthfully, he won't be able to answer them, not in any way that makes sense. He doesn't want to lie to you, but how could he say that the thought of you in his space was enough to stir something in him that he’d long thought dead?

Thankfully, you don’t ask. Instead, you lean across the bar and wrap your arms around his neck. It’s an awkward hug, but it means something, and before you pull away he’s already making a mental note of everything he’ll need for the spare room.

Your room.

“I can’t thank you enough, Simon, really,” you tell him, smiling a little easier now. “I’ll get another job soon anyway, ok? And I can clean and cook and --"

"Start by getting me another whiskey, yeah?"

Your smile turns a bit sheepish, but you nod and turn to get the bottle, and he takes a breath.

This is a bad idea. There's no way it isn't. It's going to go poorly, one way or another, he's going to be too much or not enough, and one day you'll leave and his house will feel even emptier than it already does.

But Simon is no stranger to bad ideas. And this one, at least, should prove to be a little bit of fun along the way.

#simon riley #call of duty simon riley #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #cod ghost #call of duty ghost #ghost x you #ghost x reader #i slipped and started another simon series no one help me

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honeyedfate · 2 days ago

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thinking 'bout you | 심재윤

pairing. jake sim x idol!fem!reader

as a poster child for the ISTJ personality type, jake has always been on the more rational and practical side. he preferred things to be direct and upfront, carrying the sentiment over to this love life as well. unfortunately, he has the fattest crush on you but not the guts to confess. so instead, he writes secret love letters in his little journal and hopes the feelings will fade away. bullet-proof plan, right?

warnings. none it's just disgustingly sweet

wc: 6591

a/n. looks who's backkkk. me!! hope u enjoy x

jake was too old to be writing love letters.

at 22, he shouldn’t have been scribbling into his little black notebook that he had shamelessly named his ‘songwriting journal’ while absentmindedly fiddling with the fading pokémon sticker on the cover—courtesy of jungwon.

really, he should have been bold and fearless, booking a table at the finest restaurant in the city and shooting you a curt text that simply read, ‘taking you out for dinner at 7. put on the red dress. you look beautiful in it.”

except that he didn’t even have your number, let alone know if you owned a red dress. he was sure you’d look beautiful in it regardless, but the point was, he was not that guy. he just wasn’t. which was exactly why he had been curling into himself on the couch of the le sserafim dance practise room for the past five minutes whilst the others were looping an illit song to have, what appeared to be, a murderous dance off to it.

halting his excessive eulogising for a moment, he glanced up to witness jay whip his hair back and forth to the beat of ‘tick-tack’ just as jungwon flew past him and nearly kicked him in the head. both stared at each other before dropping into a starfish-shaped pile of limbs to the floor. jake shook his head at them fondly.

it was that time of the day again where everyone was positively losing their mind. they had a long day of schedules and evening practise behind them, and with the sweet relief of going home on the horizon, everyone was being a little stupid. another reason why jake was bearing his heart to his sinful notebook, penning the third love letter of the day that you’d hopefully never get to read.

for a second, the fleeting image of you magically getting ahold of this book sent a visceral reaction through his body that left him rattled and shivering. jake almost screamed when sunghoon plopped down beside him without warning, tossing a water bottle on his lap.

“you look pale,” he simply said. ever a man of few words.

jake swiftly closed his book and stuffed it behind a pillow, mumbling a croaky thank you. he hadn’t even noticed how thirsty he’d been until the cold water hit the back of his throat and he drank like someone had abandoned him in the desert. which honestly wasn’t that far off.

a dry, endless site that was slowly but surely destroying him and turning him into a parched, crazy man with no hope of escape or pay-off? sounded like his love life.

next thing he knew, he’d be shrivelling up like a raisin and his last words would be some besotted nonsense since he’d obviously be too busy mooning over your smile or the way you always smelled so nice to even notice his own dying in the first place. young love, right?

it was all so ridiculous and absurd because jake was never the type to moon. he was all rationality and practicality. how many times a day did he drive sunoo insane with how often he’d say ‘what are you talking about?’ and ‘stop saying nonsense.’ this wasn’t him. and yet, when heeseung came over and asked him if he was ever going to hear the lyrics he’d been furiously scribbling into his notebook, he vehemently shook his head, ears burning up because he knew that if they ever found out what he’d really been writing, they would rip on him until all that was left were his red ears and a puddle of shame.

as if the universe had read his thoughts and only wished him worse, the door swung open and in came a chorus of giggles that quickly faded once they caught sight of the temporary occupants of their practice room.

“oh, hello,” chaewon said cheerfully, looking around with surprise etched on her face. that brought about an avalanche of greetings and bows, in which jake joined while his gaze instinctively sought out the pair of eyes he’d been daydreaming about for weeks.

“your practice room is still being renovated?” yunjin asked jay politely, who happened to be standing closest to the door.

he nodded. “yeah, the ac is still broken. thanks again for letting us use your room. i think we would’ve died in ours.”

“of course.” yunjin smiled as the others spread out to unpack their backs and start stretching. “don’t mention it.”

a familiar awkwardness hung in the air as everyone attempted somewhat stilted but friendly small talk, all while his members were scrambling to pack their belongings at a socially acceptable pace, fixing up the room as best as they could. jake was cramming his own backpack with all the clothes surrounding him, not caring which ones belonged to whom, when the couch suddenly dipped beside him and he looked up.

“hi,” you said, beaming a soft smile at him that nearly had him sliding forward and falling to his knees. clearing his throat, he mirrored it and racked his mind for something to say.

“what’s it going?”

he internally punched himself. he could hear the voice inside his head teasing him. sim jaeyun. enhypen member, prada ambassador, smoothest person on the planet. it sounded suspiciously like ni-ki’s. he felt the heat rise to his face.

“what’s it going yourself?” the corner of your mouth twitched as you threw the question back at him.

he chuckled, glad the others were too busy with their own hopefully more embarrassing conversations to notice his lack of grace and sheepishly said, “sorry, got a little tongue-tied.”

you waved him off with a small laugh, pulling your bag to your lap to take out a cap he had seen you wear a few times. “my mind never works after practice either.”

jake hummed, watching you fiddle with some strings of hair as they got tangled with your earrings, which he had also seen you wear often. they were dangly and always drew his attention to the smooth column of your neck. his hands itched to help you.

“how was practice?” you asked casually, glancing at him.

jake cleared his throat and forced himself to look away. he was supposed to be normal about this whole thing. totally fine and not nervous at all. “it was good,” he said with an air of easy-going confidence he didn’t feel. “we learned a new choreo for the comeback. i think our fans will like it.”

your eyes twinkled. “oh, that’s nice, i can’t wait to see it. i think i heard a snippet the other day when i walked past.” you said it with so much genuine interest and sincerity that jake felt his cheeks flush, chest blossoming with warmth. it was all very short lived though, once you pulled out a lip balm.

jake nearly bolted out of the room then. he was just not your strongest soldier.

thankfully, eunchae called out your name and both of you looked over, giving him enough time to get his act together. “y/n, is this your camera? can i take some photos?”

you squinted, trying to identify the object from across the room and settled for a shrug, calling back, “sure, go ahead.”

eunchae gave a little squeal which prompted you to look over at jake and share an amused, almost conspiratorial look with him. he didn’t really get what it meant, but he was happy to be in on this little secret with you. whatever it was.

by some mysterious force, his body stayed seated as you applied the lip balm. from the corner of his eyes, he could see the boys opening the door, getting ready to leave, but despite his earlier qualms, he had no intention of leaving. he wanted to stay right there forever.

the sweet scent of cherries drifted to his nose and he realised with a start how close you two were sitting. from his periphery, he watched with an uncalled intensity as your bottom lip was being coated in a glossy reddish tint. he bit his own lip, bringing himself to look away only to lock eyes with yunjin who was stood at the armrest to his right. a knowing glint sparkled in her eyes.

“you alright?”

“i’m fine,” jake said way too quickly, flashing her a despairingly flustered smile as he zipped up his bag and stood up. the members were bidding their goodbyes as ni-ki held the door open, waiting for him to get out as well. which, honestly, he should’ve done in one swift and smooth motion, sparing the bit of dignity he still had left, but jake wouldn’t be jake if he didn’t look back.

so he did.

and that time, his knees genuinely buckled when he looked down at you.

because there you were, staring up at him with your sparkly eyes, glossy lips, your skewed cap, and your dangly earrings that he wanted to feel between his fingertips so bad. jake didn’t knew he had moved until you let out a little “oh” and sat up a little straighter.

eyes widening, jake pulled back his hands from your cap and jammed them into the pockets of his trousers.

“sorry.” he cleared his throat for the hundredth time. “it was crooked.”

“i figured,” you said, sounding amused.

“probably should’ve asked first,” he mumbled.

“i didn’t mind.”

“it’s, erm, straight now.”

you smiled up at him. “thanks.”

“you’re welcome.” jake felt himself smiling. he made to say more, but the sound of ni-ki’s stifled snicker stopped him. he took a step back. “i’ll see you around?”

you were grinning then. “sure. see you around, jake.”

he caught a glimpse of kazuha swatting your arm in the mirror as he yanked a giggly ni-ki out of the room and shut the door behind him. it was going to be a long ride home.

***

jake woke up the next morning with a refreshed mind and a better understanding of his emotional state, which at some point started heavily relying on you. was it a bit pathetic that the deciding factor of whether he had a bad or good day depended solely on whether or not he saw you that day? yes, absolutely, but at least he was finally admitting it to himself.

jungwon had tried to make light conversation with him in the car to iron out some organisational stuff, but after he had realised how useless his hyung was being, it was a civilly quiet drive to the company building—if you didn’t count the repetitive chanting of your name inside jake’s head, of course.

once the car pulled into the garage, a newfound spirit seized him. they hadn’t even come to a full stop yet and jake was already out of his seat. he knew that if he hurried, he might still be able to catch you up at the cafeteria where you usually had your breakfast by the last table in the far-left corner. he also knew you’d have earphones in, probably nodding or tapping your foot to the music with your nose in a book, shutting out the outside world.

none of that he could tell jungwon though, so jake just threw some jumble of encouraging words at him for his meeting with the managing team and dashed to the lift without waiting for a response.

once inside, his eyes darted between the red, rising numbers and his reflection in the mirror as he ran his hand through his hair more often than was necessary. he didn’t exactly know what he was expecting to happen, but after the small interaction the day before, he had fallen asleep to multiple made-up scenarios of how he would finally approach you. how you would smile at a joke he made or how your eyes would shine when he asked about your upcoming comeback.

going through a myriad of possible outcomes was how he usually tackled everything in life just to be prepared. he liked having a plan and, in that moment, jake felt like he was ready for everything.

just as he’d expected, he saw you sitting at your usual table with your back to him. for a moment, he considered getting something to eat, so it’d at least seem like he just coincidentally ran into you at breakfast. even though he never ate breakfast at the company. the image of him stumbling over his feet and dropping the tray, causing a mess right in front of you and everyone else, also crossed his mind and he decided the best approach was to simply walk up to you.

so he did.

every step matched the resounding pounding of his heart as he neared your table.

jake was determined though. he had plan. he was going to tap you on the shoulder, the left one, then swivel to the right, so you’d be confused. just for fun. then he’d flash you a slow, easy smile that he knew always got a good response. it was bullet proof. his million-dollar smile. after that, he’d ask if the seat opposite of you was ta—

he froze.

completely stopped. dead in his tracks.

he did none of the things he’d pictured himself doing. he just stood there and stared as the ground beneath him tilted. off-balance. the rushing in his ears rose. drowned out the clatter of cutlery and rosy morning chatter. off-kilter.

he just stared.

at the notebook laying on the table.

his notebook.

he might have had a heart attack then.

as if sensing that, you glanced over your shoulder and flinched at the presence standing so ominously and motionlessly close behind your chair. jake might’ve apologised if he had known how to speak. unfortunately, all he could bring himself to do was tear his eyes off the familiar pokémon sticker and meet your gaze.

something unspoken passed between you then. jake couldn’t pinpoint what it was exactly, but by the uncertainty glinting in your eyes, he thought it was reasonable enough to deduct that you had read the entire thing, front to back, and now thought of him as a pervert who was going to get security called on him any moment if he didn’t back the fuck off.

so, after taking a huge step back, jake tried to ground himself by picturing how his future would look like if he quit kpop, moved back to australia, and went by the name james.

he shook his head.

james sim was a ridiculous name—

“don’t leave,” you suddenly said, cutting through his thoughts like a bucket of ice as you seemed to have somehow read his inner turmoil. you hesitantly pushed your chair back and stood up, eyes flitting over his fight or flight stance before softening. gently, like you were talking to a frightened deer, you said, “please don’t leave. i was hoping i could talk to you.”

he didn’t mean to, but his gaze bluntly cut to the notebook and because you weren’t blind, you noticed. he could see you swallow thickly, looking to the side almost guiltily, and jake fought the simmering urge to get mad at you. he knew he wasn’t actually mad at you for invading his privacy.

after all, he was the one who knew precisely what you always had for breakfast if you had gone to the gym earlier. if it was anyone else, then, yes, his anger would’ve been justified, but getting mad at you felt more like a defence mechanism, and he knew that, so he tried to breathe slowly through his nose. then, in a steady voice that didn’t give much away, he asked, “did you read it?”

he watched as your bottom lip got caught between your teeth, gaze avoiding his. you fiddled with the necklace around your neck and, for once, jake hated how his mind recognised the habit. he hated how he couldn’t help but want to learn all these tiny things about you. hated how he thought it was cute.

a little sigh escaped you, and your arms fell to your side. you stood a little straighter and looked him in the eye, still seeming plenty guilty, but jake could appreciate that you wanted to be honest about it, at least.

“i read a few pages,” you said, voice quiet but firm. “i know i shouldn’t have, it was not for me to read and i know that. i’m really sorry.”

when jake didn’t reply, you went on. “the girls and i were joking around after practice, just throwing around pillows, and your notebook landed in front of me with the pages open. i just meant to pick it up and close it, but i saw my name, so i put it in my bag before the others could get their hands on it. i told them it’s my old songwriting journal that i’ve been looking for.”

if jake hadn’t been too busy trying to regulate his breathing while taking in all the possible outcomes of this situation, he might have laughed. his life had become a comedy show and he was the joke. as if to emphasise that, your phone rang just as he opened his mouth to speak. it might’ve been for the better though because he truthfully didn’t know what to say.

apologetically, you held up your phone and took the call, leaving jake to stare at the notebook again.

his mind was reeling with every minute and hour he spent writing in that thing after he had heard about how much it was supposedly going to help him get his mind of things. what nonsense. if anything, jake just became more obsessed. thinking about you became a comforting pastime activity. he did it in between schedules, on his way home, in his bed before he’d fall asleep, in his bed after he’d just woken up.

he wrote about the videos he saw of you on variety shows, easily wrapping both the hosts and the viewers around your finger with your easy charisma and unexpected humour. he admired how it all came so naturally to you. he wrote about the nice perfume you wore when you rode the lift together, and how you always asked him how he was doing and if he had eaten yet. you always gave him the best restaurant recommendations.

he also wrote about the one time he caught your beautiful voice drifting through the open door of a practise room and how, when you finally saw him in the mirror, you just smiled at him brightly and waved him in. you spent the rest of the evening sitting on the floor and singing high school musical songs together through the mics, talking about which movie was the superior one before having takeout delivered so you could watch said movie together while having late dinner.

he then wrote about how those off-the-chance moments, which he seemed to have often with you, were the only few moments in his life that still made him feel real. like he wasn’t just aussie kpop idol jake who had golden retriever energy and a clean reputation to uphold.

you made him feel like a person. someone that was allowed to have those kinds of memories that stayed in his heart and made him feel warm and alive. a guy who fell in love with a pretty girl that was kind and smart and hardworking and somehow, it was okay. he had written many times about how you made him feel like he could let things matter.

it hit him then, how jake had many things to thank you for. in a way, he almost wanted you to have read his love letters because that was what they were. letters filled with love.

even if you were never meant to read them. that was never the point. he never wrote them because he wanted to win over your feelings or declare his love, and he definitely didn’t write them to end up in this situation. he just wrote them because when he thought about you, the things he wanted to cherish and praise and hold close to his heart were endless.

and he thought about you a lot.

jake had enough love for you to fill the sea, and if by acknowledging it and writing it down, it was somehow going to come back to you in whatever shape or form—perhaps a gesture of kindness by the universe—then that was enough for him.

jake didn’t even notice that you had ended the call until you were handing him his notebook with a guarded look in your eyes. wearily, he took it, watching as you quickly packed your headphones and book into your purse and grabbed your tray. “i have to go, but i really want to talk to you.” you looked at him a bit more hopefully and something in his chest unfurled. “when are you done today?”

“at 9,” he heard himself say, surprising himself with how collected he sounded.

you nodded to yourself, pushing your chair in with your hip. “i think i’ll be done by then. can you meet me at the convenience store down the street next to the bank?”

jake started walking you to the tray return point. he had no idea what he was agreeing to, but you seemed eager enough to have this conversation with him—whatever it was—that he felt like he almost owed it to you. “erm. yeah, sure. i’ll come find you.”

“or just text me?” you said with a hint of amusement, making it all feel horribly familiar. jake longed for it. a very selfish part of him didn’t want to show up at all, just in hopes that if he never had that conversation with you, then maybe he would be able to pretend that none of this happened and you could just return to how things were before you had found his notebook. that wouldn’t be jake though, so he pressed the button to the lift and turned to you with a weak smile and a raised brow.

“do i have your number?”

your lips fell into a silent ‘O’ shape as the realisation dawned on you. honestly, it really was a joke in and of itself how you most likely had read about how jake dreamed of the softness of your voice all while not ever having exchanged a singular text with you. a real simp diaries.

the lift arrived and you both stepped in as you rummaged in your purse. you pressed the button to the fifth floor and swiftly pulled out a pen, meeting his eye expectantly as if to ask where he wanted you. the logical and rational part in him knew offering him the notebook to write in was the sensible thing to do, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the way his heart thudded when he pulled up his sleeve and offered his arm to you instead.

he was shamelessly smirking when he caught you eyeing the veins on his forearm before you snapped out of it, holding onto him with one hand while the other gently pressed the tip of the ballpoint pen to his skin to trace your phone number. the last number was written just in time for you to let go of him and get off the lift.

you shot him one last smile, still unsure but sincere and sweet enough to have jake instinctively return it in earnest. then the doors closed and he slumped against the wall with a sigh. absolutely defeated. how was he meant to concentrate on anything until 9?

the answer was: he didn’t. his mind was off the rails the whole day, lingering on any minuscule motion and word exchanged that morning to dissect, and effectively costing him any shared sanity amongst the members.

the others had noticed, of course. in true enhypen fashion, they just had the grace to not mention it, is all. simply brushing it off and under a carpet is what they did as their act of kindness.

until jake literally walked into a wall with a loud thud! in an otherwise deadly quiet room where all seven of them had been lounging in between meetings, and sunoo, clearly having had enough of his strange behaviour, was the first to break.

“hyung, what the hell is wrong with you today?”

jake rubbed a hand over his face, partly because he was not ready to explain himself, partly because he wasn’t entirely sure if he had a big bump on his forehead yet.

“you have been acting weird lately,” heeseung chimed in, stating it in such an observant, matter-of-fact tone that it left him no room to argue. not that jake had it in him anyway. it said a lot that it was heeseung who voiced what everyone was thinking since he usually stayed out of private matters if the members didn’t come to him first. jake must’ve been behaving really odd then. he heaved a long sigh.

“there’s just a lot on my mind right now,” he muttered, avoiding their heavy gazes.

***

all suffering eventually finds its conclusion, and jake was eternally grateful that he was not exempt from it. he had imagined this moment so ridiculously often throughout the day that it genuinely shouldn’t have affected him the way it did when he rounded the corner and finally saw you.

you were sitting on the porch of the convenience store, face hidden mostly by the hood of your jacket as a few pieces of hair peeked out and blew lightly in the wind. you were just sitting there, staring at your shoes, but jake swore it was like a scene in a movie. since the store was in one of the pedestrian side alleys next to the main road, it was as good as empty to that time of the day. only the faint sound of the occasional car driving by filled the street.

he took a deep breath and walked over slowly, coming to a halt in front of you. he was swept up in another déjà vu moment then by the way you looked up at him and your eyes lit up, knocking the breath out him.

“hi,” he said, suddenly feeling shy.

“hi.” a soft expression came over your face. “you came.”

“of course, i came.” jake forced a chuckle as he sat down beside you, taking the cup you handed him with a small thanks. it was a different colour from the one you were holding. he also glimpsed the tension leaving your frame as if his appearance had genuinely been like a roll of the dice. “you thought i wouldn’t?” he couldn't keep the surprise out of his tone.

you shrugged and chewed on your lip, angling your body more towards him. he thought you were going to say something—anything—but silence forced its way in between you. it felt familiar. he knew it well when it came to you, though it was usually jake’s fault. normally, you always found something to say to him. it was all very confusing.

did you want him to make the first move? was he supposed to? he didn’t even know how you felt about the whole thing! frustrated, he looked away and took a sip from his drink. his brows arched, and he looked at it.

“this is grape juice.” he held it up as if it was a magical object.

you blinked at him. “so?”

“it’s my favourite drink,” he said, amazement so clear in his voice. anyone passing by might’ve believed you had just invented the drink and let him be the first one to taste it.

something like disbelief flickered over your face, and jake wondered if he had said something wrong. it was gone as fast as it had appeared though, so he might’ve just imagined it. with a sigh, you spoke with a downcast gaze and a voice that barely touched the air. “yeah, well. you’re not the only one paying attention, jake.”

his heart stuttered in his chest. was that his opening? a beat passed and your words still hung in the air.

“i didn’t know,” he heard himself say, mind still whirring. he could feel the silence approaching again, like a massive wave which he could either face or run away from. however, something told him the decision was not going to be his to make if he didn’t act soon. vividly, he saw you leaving, scuffing your feet and mumbling something under your breath before disappearing behind the corner, taking his last chance with you. he could see it so richly in his head that something inside of him snapped.

“y/n,” he said with such a firmness that you looked up. a sliver of hope glinted in your eyes, and jake took it as the green light to put all his cards on the table. he didn’t want to you leave. not yet.

“i don’t know what you must be thinking of me right now, but i can’t image it’s anything good,” he began in a low voice, feeling like he was walking the plank. “to be honest, i’m not sure how well i’d take it either if someone i thought was my friend had written all of those things about me. and it’s obviously not my place to tell you how to feel, but i guess i’d be confused? maybe uncomfortable, too. and i’m sorry if i made you feel that way. if you, you know, wanted nothing to do with me anymore, i guess i wouldn’t blame you.” jake was not proud of how devastated he sounded, but he had to see it through. “my point is, i don’t expect anything from you. if you don’t want to talk to me anymore or even be near me, then i would understand.”

he swallowed the lump in his throat, eyes darting back and forth between yours to gauge what you were thinking, but it was hard to tell. for the first time, it was really hard to tell. he put his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and glanced up at the sky. “i never wrote any of it with an ulterior motive, i promise. i was just thinking about you. a lot.” he huffed self-deprecatingly. “clearly.”

a helpless laugh escaped you, and he nearly let out a sigh of relief. it wasn’t much, but jake took it a good sign.

a sad smile hung off his lips as he continued. “it was eating me alive sometimes, you know. but i couldn’t stop. it’s like i couldn’t control my mind. i just kept thinking about you because, well… i like you.” his voice had grown quieter with every word. every sentence had stripped him bare and made him fragile. all he could do now was pray you’d be kind to him. “i like you. that’s all.”

he was staring at your hands as they fiddled in your lap, not brave enough after all to look you in the eye. you didn’t say anything. no rebuttal, no insult, no reciprocation. just silence. somehow that was the worst outcome.

then, imperceptibly, you shifted closer. your legs touched his, and jake finally noticed how, at some point during his speech, you had been very slowly bending towards him. or maybe it was him who had inched nearer. he often found himself wondering how both of you always ended up so close. in any case, his heart rate had picked up as your perfume wrapped around him.

next thing he knew, your hand was gently cupping his face, and he went completely still. didn’t dare to move. he held his breath as you looked for something in his gaze again, searching, and whatever it was, you must have found it because you finally leaned in. your lips brushed against his, tentatively, for the first time. and there it was.

that was first time you kissed him.

it was gentle. a reassurance. a secret revealed. he could taste the cherry gloss on your lips as they softly pressed against his, moving in rhythm with your fingers as they played with the hair at the nape of his neck. his own hands found themselves on your waist, the small of your back, the softness of your hair. if jake hadn’t tried to picture this very moment, written about it for pages, he might’ve thought it was a dream. but he knew those very well by now and he knew that this was real.

he was chasing after your lips when you made to pull away, giggling when he tried to steal another kiss. “jake,” you said with a smile and a shyness curling around your voice, gently pushing him away by the chest. “jake, i need to breathe.”

“i don’t,” he murmured, eyes still closed as he leaned closer with every small peck until you squealed and he had to catch you by the waist to keep you from falling back on the porch. grinning toothily, he pulled you back into his chest and mouthed a little sorry.

“you’re greedy,” you said, narrowing your eyes at him, but it only elicited a half shrug from jake. he felt like he was on top of the world.

“i just found out the girl i like might actually not hate my guts. it’s a great day to be greedy.”

you laughed. “might? you still think i might hate you after that speech? that kiss?”

a part of him knew the answer, but he felt suddenly very vulnerable. logic and reason were run over by a turmoil of emotions, and it must have shown on his face because the smile on your face flickered, and you moved closer, knees bumping as you took his hands in yours.

“jake, i don’t hate you,” you said it so calmly and with so much conviction that despite himself, he found himself believing it. “i’m not even sure what i could hate you for because you did nothing wrong. you were probably the first person in history to ever apologise for writing someone love letters. ones that were never even sent.”

he let those words sink in. hope flickered in his chest, but he tried to snuff it before it got too big to kill. “so you’re not creeped out?” he asked, sounding uncertain.

you shook your head.

“i was…surprised, i guess? i assumed we were friends since we saw each other in the company often, and you were always so kind and thoughtful to me, but i didn’t know you felt that way. i was honestly a bit freaked out.” you laughed nervously, and jake’s eyes widened.

“not in the way you think!” you quickly assured him. “i wasn’t freaked out—well, maybe, a little, but not how you think, i just—” you bit your lip and looked away as jake’s heart hammered in his chest. you looked awfully small then, and he felt bad about it although he had no idea why. he squeezed your hand, and you looked at him, returning it with a timid smile.

“i was scared i wasn’t the person you were writing about,” you confessed, voice barely above a whisper.

jake was completely caught off-guard. the words had hit him like a punch in the face.

he also needed a moment to thank all the facial expression training he’d ever gotten that had prepared him to somewhat contain the absolute bewilderment on his face. although something told him he was just blatantly gaping at you. when you shifted under his gaze, he gave his head a small shake and focused, clearing his throat.

“not to make myself sound more like a loser and a stalker than i already do,” he said slowly, “but i must’ve written your name about a billion times in there, y/n. who else did you think i was talking about?”

the corner of your mouth quirked up, and you playfully rolled your eyes at him. “that’s not what i meant.”

“oh?” jake was at a loss. “then what are you saying?”

you loosened a breath and tucked a loose piece of hair behind your ear, momentarily distracting jake as your earrings caught the light, glinting.

“i was afraid you’d be disappointed,” you admitted with a breath of hesitation. “once you found out that the person you’ve been writing about was not who you were expecting, i was scared you’d lose interest. it was just a matter of time, really, and i didn’t want to let you down and—oh, please, don’t look at me like that.”

the words drew out of you so fast that jake had to bend closer to hear you, but once he did, he shot back almost theatrically, shaking his head vehemently and not even trying to stop the furrow of his brows or the protest sitting on his tongue.

“no, i have every right to look at you like that,” jake sputtered, sounding as rattled as he felt. “because that’s nonsense. it’s actually insane. do you know what you’re saying?”

“do you?” you raised a brow, pulling back a little. “jake, we might’ve hung out a few times, but you barely know me.”

that stung a lot more than he’d like to admit. and yet, he was fired up. there was no way he was going to let you push yourself away before you had even allowed him to be yours.

“that’s not fair, y/n—” his voice faltered slightly, but it was tinged with resolve and stubbornness. “sure, i might not know what your favourite colour is, but i know you enough in the ways that matter. like all those times i’ve sat with you in silence while you worked in the studio because you had a bad day and i know you didn’t want to talk, but you also didn’t want to be alone? or when you were worried about sakura’s health but didn’t want to make it a big deal, so i asked you to take me to the pharmacy so you’d have an excuse to get her medicine? and when i got you the candy i know you liked from when you were younger afterwards? go on and try to tell me i barely know you.”

he had held your hands while he was speaking, but you were pulling them out of his grasp then, wiping at your face and giving a little helpless laugh as your eyes sparkled. looking into them, jake felt like he was watching the sun set over a lake. there were ripples in the water and it was all a little distorted, but he knew it would all settle and calm down. plus, it was still so, so beautiful.

jake drew nearer, making sure the next words felt like an oath. “if you just give me the chance to be with you and to know you in all the ways you'll let me, i can promise you that all i’ll be able to do is only fall more for you.”

he knew that must’ve sealed it then because you gave him a teary smile and threw yourself at him, diving into his embrace and making his heart race with pure delight as he wrapped his arms around you. pressing a delicate kiss to it as he buried his face in your shoulder.

“you promise?” he heard you say close to his ear as though you were afraid the words might scatter.

jake almost laughed.

“i’m already in too deep, baby.”

#jake sim x reader #jake sim #sim jaeyun #enhypen #enha #enhypen imagines #sim jaeyun imagines #sim jaeyun x reader #enhypen fanfiction #jake sim fluff #sim jaeyun x y/n #sim jaeyun fluff #enhypen fluff

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eden031 · 2 days ago

Text

First meetings

Part 1 , Part 2

Pairing: Jack Abbot x female!intern!reader

Warnings: age gap (reader is mid 20’s, Jack mid/late 40’s), cursing, medical inaccuracies, misogyny (by one of the patients), mentions of suicide attempt (of a patient), mentions of child injury (of a patient), Jack Abbot is emotionally constipated, jealous!Jack Abbot, night shift shenanigans

Summary: After agreeing to do Dr. Robby a favour and transfering to the night shift she has to face that working with Dr. Jack Abbot might not be the easiest.

A/N: Soooooo we are so back baby. I am already working on a part three for this and in all honesty I might make this a longer series. Also Robby might be a bit ooc, but I wanted him to be kind of the ED dad, so here we are. Writing this is actualy so fun, though this part is more there to set up the next parts and get the story moving. Another thing is I made a playlist for the vibes, so if you are interested just click HERE

For two weeks she had successfully avoided Dr. Jack Abbot, well avoiding him was the wrong term: she had practically fled the area every time she had spotted him and if she had to go near him it was only if Whitaker or Mel were with her. Talking to him alone would probably make her brain short circuit within the matter of half a minute. Still she had tried to be as subtle as possible about it, never going too fast or just turning on her heel without apparent reason and from her perspective she had done an outstanding job at pretending to everyone around her that she was not avoiding him.

She had promised herself to be angry at him if she ever saw him again, that promise had been made about two weeks after their first meeting, between drinks and pizza shared with her roommate. Yet once these hazel eyes found her she was just putty and it scared her. Hell she had not even reacted to her first real boyfriend like this, she had never reacted to anyone like this. The only reason why she had been able to be angry at him or at least snappy was that she had been incredibly hangry and would probably have snapped at a lot of people in that state when she had met him in the Pitt, and there was probably also some shock to it.

The shift was finally coming to an end, she had thought that her first shift had been grueling, but this shift, the first shift in her third week in the Pitt, had probably been worse, there had been a pile up on the interstate and all victims were brought to the PTMC. There were about ten people severely injured and twenty six more minorly injured, it had been all hands on deck and the interns and med students had been left to make sure that the people with minor injuries were treated quickly.

That had kept them busy the entire day while they still had to deal with the usual flow of patients. Glancing at the clock she saw that it was seven thirty, the shift was officially over, though she could not leave yet. Dr. Robby had asked to talk to her, something that was strange in and of itself, usually if an attending wanted something from an intern like herself they would talk to the senior residents first. Shaking her head she ran her hand over her face, hoping that it wouldn’t take too long and that it wasn‘t something too serious. Afterall she had a date with a hot bath and left over lasagna. Watching as most of the other day shift staff was leaving she let out a low grumble of discontent.

“Sorry that took so long,” the voice of Dr. Robby caught her attention, just waving her hand in the air she shook her head.

“No worries,” the issue had not been that she had to wait for him. The issue was that the waiting had induced some anxiety in her, wondering what the hell the man could possibly want from her.

“So,” he sighed, rubbing the back of his head, he stood hunched over, an almost guilty expression on his face, “I need to ask you something,“ he sounded so guilty and unsure that she was beginning to get really worried. It sounded like he was fighting with his inner moral compass. „Usually interns and med students stay on day shift, but due to the issue with Dr. Langdon not being with us anymore and there being four people we somehow need to make sure stay supervised most of the time it‘s a bit much,“ he looked at her with those big brown puppy eyes of his that made him look about ten years younger than he actually was. At least now she knew in which direction this was going. He was about to continue with his explanation of the situation as she decided that she would just address the elephant in the room.

„So one of us needs to change to the night shift?“ she asked, tilting her head slightly. Dr. Robby sighed, his hand going back to the back of his head, scratching awkwardly.

„You don‘t have to, but it would lighten the workload on everyone and make Gloria happy,“ well there it was, there was the reason Dr. Robby seemed to feel so bad about asking this. It was probably Gloria being a pain in the ass and bugging him about it.

She knew why he had asked her specifically. Bridgit had taken a liking towards her, some had started calling Bridgit her work mom. The older woman always checked in on her during shift change, always made sure she had eaten something before leaving the hospital. Dr. Ellis and Dr. Shen also seemed to like her, from what she knew she was one of the people from the day shift that chatted the most with them, she and Dr. Ellis had even had coffee together once. They had coincidentally met in the same coffee shop and decided that it would be a good idea to have their coffee together. Still there was one question that burned on her mind now.

„Did you talk to Dr. Abbot about this already?“ she asked carefully, trying to gauge how far this process had already gone.

„Yes, but not only you.“ Dr. Robby paused, „I talked to him about the four of you,“ the four of you probably being Santos, Whitaker, Javadi and herself. „He told me that he would be glad if you joined his team,“

That almost knocked the air out of her, butterflies in her stomach doing happy little flips. She had thought that Dr. Abbot would be unhappy about her coming to the night shift, hell she would have thought that he might even tell Dr. Robby that he did not want her around him at all.

„I just have to ask: what did you tell him? It‘s not like I performed a damn RABOA in the field like Santos did, or even worked through the MCE like the others,“ she glanced at the floor, it was a genuine question, the others had a lot more experience and confidence thanks to that. She heard him sigh, cringing internally, knowing that this was probably a bad idea. Before she was able to tell him to forget it he spoke in that kind and gentle voice he used when talking to patients when he knew they were feeling uncomfortable or scared.

„You know that it is not always about what a person has already done, right?“ he gave her a small but kind smile, „There is a lot of potential I see in the way you work,“ he paused, „Do you still remember the unresponsive kid that came in last week?“ There had been a few unresponsive kids last week, but she knew exactly which one he was referring to.

She nodded silently, it had been scary to see that kid, not older than four that had apparently taken a tumble while playing with his brother and was unresponsive afterwards. She had asked one of the nurses if someone had already checked his glucose levels because she had looked into the chart and not seen anything regarding them. Apparently everyone had forgotten to do that, the worry of a little boy having taken a tumble while playing with his brother was too great, everyone focused on the fall, though his blood glucose level had actually explained the tumble and the unresponsiveness.

„Or the veteran suicide attempt?“ Dr. Robby asked.

That one had hurt her so badly, the man had survived four tours, then just a week after he had come back from his fourth tour his wife and daughter had been hit by a drunk driver, both dying on sight. She had been one of the people that had initially treated him and also been the person to get him to calm down with what she was saying he had been alert and very aware of what was happening. Afterwards she had always checked in with him, in his attempt he had lost both of his legs above the knee, recommended him a support group for veterans in the most gentle way possible, one she had been told about by a friend of hers from med school. After he had been able to get a bed upstairs she started visiting him after her shifts, always having tea or coffee with him before she headed home completely.

„Yeah, of course,“ she nodded, she hadn‘t worked here long enough that cases would start blending together.

„That is why Abbot wants you on his team,“ he paused, „It‘s because you care, you pay attention and yet somehow work quickly,“ he shook his head, „To be honest I am not too happy with letting you go.“ a friendly smile on his face.

——————————

After that conversation she could never have refused Dr. Robby. So that was how she had ended up at the ED, at six fifty in the evening with two huge boxes of donuts balanced in her arm as she tried to put her backpack into one of the lockers. Pressing the door shut she looked around, the stethoscope resting against her neck, this time she had opted for a long sleeved thermos underneath her scrubs, from what Bridgit had told her the ED could sometimes get cold during the night, even if the AC was running. People from the day shift were already filtering out, apparently for once shift change had gone smoothly and people could pack up and leave the PTMC on time.

Suddenly Dr. Shen appeared from behind her, in one hand his coffee, the other one tangled in his badge.

“Precious cargo you have there,” he gave her a slight grin as they continued to walk towards the entrance to the Pitt. The donuts slowly got heavier in her arms as the door leading into the organised chaos of the Pitt came closer. She could feel her heart hammering in her ribcage as they walked together, she would have to face Dr. Abbot today and she knew that she needed to stay focused on the job.

“Thought that I could bring them as a bribe so that you go easy on me,” she joked as he held the door open for her so that she could slip into the hallway, luckily the next door was the staff break room. Dr. Shen laughed as he shook his head slightly.

“Abbot never goes easy on the newbies,” he continued to slurp on his coffee. A slight shiver ran down her back as she thought of his warm and steady hands guiding her through a procedure. Shaking her head she quickly deposited the two boxes holding 25 donuts each onto the table in the breakroom, the sticky note still attached to them, a little note she had written wishing everyone a good shift.

“Great,” the sarcasm was dripping from her mouth as they turned to head towards the nurses’ station. Dana was still there, talking to Bridgit, who seemed to be extremely focused on the info Dana was giving her. She looked around, seeing Dr. Robby and Dr. Abbot talking to each other, Dr. Ellis standing beside them, nodding along.

Dr. Shen was approaching the group of Doctors, his coffee still securely clasped in his hand, she trailed behind him, glancing around, trying to see if there were still people from the day shift there that she could say hi to.

“Shen, finally,” Ellis greeted the junior attending that now stopped his rapid approach, moving to stand in the circle of people.

“You have looked better before,” he commented in a teasing tone as he slurped his drink, she crossed her arms over her stomach, doing her best not to look at Dr. Abbot who seemed to have his attention on the board more than anything else. She could feel the crackle of tension between them spark up again, it was unnerving as she stood there, waiting to be told what she was going to be doing during this shift.

“Yeah, no shit,” Ellis gave Shen an annoyed glance, “Olsen called in sick half an hour ago, can’t get a replacement in at this time,” she muttered. A sigh escaped her lips, realising that this would mean they were probably going to be in a bit of trouble, she had asked around a bit before her transfer and she had learned that Dr. Olsen was an R2 on the night shift.

“Ah great, but we got our intern now,” Shen patted her on the back. “And she brought donuts,” he announced, with that statement the mood of Dr. Ellis seemed to shift slightly.

“Chocolate glaze?” she asked with hopeful eyes.

Nodding she smiled slightly at the senior resident of the night shift. It already felt more familiar in this setting, maybe it was also because Santos was not bugging her the entire time.

“Chocolate glaze with chocolate sprinkles, got them specifically for you” she nodded, along to the silent glee spreading on the face of the senior resident. Dr. Robby laughed softly, giving her a quick smile.

“Alright, I am heading out of here, have a good shift,” with which her old attending disappeared somewhere in the depths of the Pitt, Dr. Ellis followed close behind, probably going to grab a donut. Standing there with Shen, who was still slurping his coffee, which was slowly getting on her nerves, and Dr. Abbot, who still had to address her, was slightly unnerving. Suddenly her name cut through the silence like someone had dropped a glass, it had been her last name, but it still sent a shiver down her spine as she looked at Dr. Abbot who was now directly looking at her, those hazel eyes focused on her and only her.

“Yes?” She tried to sound professional, but her voice came out in a quiet squeak, tilting her head slightly and she cleared her throat. Secretly hoping that it was good enough of a cover up for her squeak. He uncrossed his arms, the muscles in his forearms flexing slightly as he moved, his biceps flexing.

“You think you can handle the wound care cases on your own?” he asked, his eye contact never wavering, not even a little bit. At first she had thought it to be incredibly attractive, the way he always made sure to have eye contact with the person he was talking to, but now it flustered her, especially since her mind went back to how intensely he had looked at her when he hovered above her. She nodded courtely, watching as he seemed to think about something, his eyes drifting away from hers, lower on her body, she knew that if she moved now Shen would definitely notice it, “Also check in on the waiting room, bring back the more serious cases you spot, someone will take a look at them then.”

“Understood,” she could feel the heat rising to her face as she saw his eyes drifting off again, it felt like something began to crackle between them, suddenly he snapped his head up as Bridgit called his name. As he began to head towards her he turned slightly while walking.

“Oh and Josie will be helping you!” he pointed at an older nurse who was currently busy talking to Myrna who was sitting by one of the charting stations.

“Got it!” she muttered under her breath and headed off towards the waiting room, deciding to check out the situation there, evaluating how long it would take to get rid of the backlog from the day.

Most of the shift until a certain point was spent stitching up cuts, getting glass out of wounds, then getting them stitched up as well, treating minor burns and all that belonged to wound care. Josie was extremely helpful and made for great company, meaning that every single conversation with a patient became somehow amusing or at least not a complete disaster. She had just finished up a small head wound that needed two stitches when Dr. Ellis had swung by, telling her that the waiting room was practically empty now, something that was a huge relief. The only person left to be treated, who was currently being brought to the back, was a man that was slightly agitated from the wait and had cut his hand open while cutting an avocado.

As she stepped out of the room from the man with the cut on his head, who would be discharged in about half an hour, the cut had been from nothing serious and keeping him for observation was simply going to block the room. She heard an angry voice coming from one of the rooms, waiting for a moment Josie came out of it, shaking her head.

“Was that the guy that cut his hand when trying to cut an avocado?” she asked as she fell into step with Josie, she wanted to get the discharge papers for the man with the head injury ready before going into patching up the man with the cut on his hand.

“Yes, and I am telling you sweetheart, take either Dr. Shen or Dr. Abbot with you when you go in there, or maybe Nico or Tommy, but for your sake and my conscience don’t go in there alone,” Josie gave her a pointed look, her gray hair pulled back with a claw clip.

“That bad?” she cringed internally as she continued to head towards the nurses’ station. Josie nodded softly.

“I think the only reason he didn’t insult me or try to punch me was because I gave him some pain meds,” she sighed, shaking her head softly, “People these days.”

After getting the discharge forms ready she started looking for someone to take into the room with the patient. Seeing Tommy, one of the nurses leaning against the other side of the nurses’ station, quickly getting up she moved over to him, not wanting to bother him, but knowing that she needed to get this cut out of the way before the late night falls started coming in, Josie had told her that that time was approaching rapidly and she wanted to take a breather before those came in.

“Of course,” he nodded after she had explained the situation, walking towards the room she felt her heart beginning to hammer in her chest. During the day shift she had already experienced various disgusting behaviour from patients, but never had she feared for her actual personal safety during these times.

“Fucking finally,” was the first thing the man said as she entered the room. Taking a deep breath she greeted the man and started to prep for the suture.

“Mind telling me why the nurse is going to stitch me up, Doc?” the man asked as she put on the nitrile gloves, he was looking over at Tommy, who had taken a seat on the other side of the patient, getting all her suture materials ready.

“Because she is the Doctor and I am the nurse,” Tommy responded dryly, his voice was low and gruff, though he was clean shaven and she could only describe him as smooth looking.

“Gotta be kidding me, letting women do all kinds of shit nowadays,” she glanced at Tommy, Tommy glanced at her, their conversation did not need words. She needed to figure out now if it was safe for her to patch him up or if she should just call Shen or Abbot and get them to do it. Well she knew that Abbot would probably be annoyed when he was called away from his case, if she had caught it correctly a few moments ago there was a big trauma heading their way, meaning that neither he nor Shen would be available anyway.

“You will have to live with it,” she said with humour lacing her voice. She explained the procedure to him and as she started to inject the lidocaine into the palm of his hand after checking for nerve or tendon damage she heard one word very clear and very loudly coming from him.

“BITCH! You fucking bitch!” he practically hollered as she continued to inject the lidocaine, not taking it to heart, even though she knew he was actively cursing her out, not just shouting in pain, she continued. Finally she was done and soon was able to start stitching the cut shut. The man continued to grumble about her and her stitching, but the look she and Tommy shared made the entire procedure a lot more bearable.

The end of the procedure couldn’t come soon enough for her, especially not after she had given him a few instructions on wound care and having to come back to get the stitches removed. He had given her one last harsh glare, muttered something about her sleeping with her boss to get where she was, then took the discharge papers Josie had thankfully gotten ready while she was working and left.

Now sitting at the nurses’ station she felt a little uncomfortable, she knew that no one knew about her very first encounter with Dr. Abbot, but the words of the man had hit a nerve, trying to shake it she took a sip from her tea. The trauma case was now upstairs and there was a lull in the buzz of the Pitt.

“So what do you think about getting coffee before tomorrow’s shift?” Tommy asked as he leaned back in the chair beside her, his eyes gleaming softly in the light. A small grin on his lips, she licked her lips nervously. There was a moment where she hesitated, but then she decided that it might be a good idea.

"Yeah, why not!” she smiled at him, leaning back in her chair as well, suddenly a crack sounded through the low hum of the Pitt. She felt the back of her chair fall and she tumbled to the ground, the laughing started before anything else. Tommy hoovering by her side also started laughing as she held up the broken back piece of the chair.

As her laughter died down she glanced over to the side of the station where she felt like a dark storm cloud was brewing. Abbot stood there, his thick arms crossed, watching the interaction with an expression she could only describe as disapproving, still laughing slightly she raised her eyebrow at him, he simply walked away. Even if she did not want to admit it, a stinging sensation of hurt settled in her chest as she watched him walk from her away again.

——————

Tags: @antisocialfiore

#the pitt #the pitt x reader #the pitt fanfiction #dr jack abbot x reader #dr jack abbott #jack abbot x female reader #jack abbot x reader #jack abbot #michael robinavitch #dr robby #dr jack abbot x you #dr jack abbot fanfic

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rollingeevee · 1 day ago

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What did the minions first think of darling for both beast and ancient cookies

SORRY FOR THE ABSENCE! Been feeling not super amazing health wise so I took a small unannounced hiatus (sorry about that) and am still a lil iffy so will probs be slow for at least a couple more weeks ^^;

Now onto the answer!

For the minions we have so far (Cloud Haetae, Nutmeg Tiger, Candy Apple, Black Sapphire), I can say this

Cloud Haetae Cookie:

• I have a feeling they instantly became attached!

• Their master seems really fond of you, so that means they should adore you, right?

• Adoption time? Adoption time- aidhcj

• They are at your beck and call, more than happy to serve you in any way they can! Except for escape, of course. That would upset their master.

• They love being around you in general. Mystic Flour is not very outwardly affectionate, but you make up for that and give them plenty of attention.

Nutmeg Tiger Cookie

• I don’t see her liking you at first, perhaps seeing you as unworthy of The Great Destroyer. What ploy did you use to make him so infatuated with you?

• Burning Spice is quick to shut down any hostility she may have towards you. The only reason he didn’t crumble her right then and there was because you begged him not to.

• She felt a lil indebted to you afterwards, and given how quickly fierce and angered Burning Spice became over a small glare your way, she knew you were here to stay

• She tried to make it up to The Great Destroyer and you by offering to train you and help you become stronger, something you accepted and that Burning Spice approved of

• Tho she’s a lil gung ho when it comes to fighting and serving the Great Destroyer, her company is the closest thing you can consider to normal in your new life as the recipient of Burning Spice’s bite

Candy Apple Cookie

• Oh boy she hated you at first. Technically still does

• She adores Shadow Milk and has always desired his attention, and here you are with just stealing it away without any effort?! UGH!

• Shadow Milk is quick to notice her attitude,, but leaves it be. A test to see if she’s smart enough to obey his desires and leave you alone.

• A test she fails.

• She had never been punished as severely as when she tried to bring harm to you. She was lucky Shadow Milk didn’t crumble her. Her only saving grace was how much you seemed to like her and tried to get along with her. One of the few tethers keeping you compliant for the moment.

• This did not get rid of her jealousy, but it did pacify her. She tolerates you at most.

Black Sapphire Cookie

• Black Sapphire is a follower of Shadow Milk above all else. If Shadow Milk says you are to remain in the Spire, that is where you are to be. If Shadow Milk wants you attached at his hip, Black Sapphire will do his best to ensure you remain there.

• He’s not necessarily fond of you per se- not any more than he needs to be at least.

• Shadow Milk trusts Black Sapphire around you much more than he does Candy Apple, and allows Black Sapphire to get physically close to you and attend to you when he himself cannot, but he’s a fickle contradiction. He allows the close proximity but gets grumbly about it later. You can’t win with this guy ughhhhh

• Anything his Lord Shadow Milk wants, he gets. Shall he attend to you while Shadow Milk is busy? Of course! Oh- he needs to leave- ok-

• Unlike Candy Apple, Black Sapphire is fully aware of what you are. He’s been around longer, knows what that mark on you means, what that possessive attitude entails. I feel when Black Sapphire was younger, he might have been bratty with one of or perhaps Shadow Milk’s very first bitten, something he quickly learned was a no no, much like Candy Apple.

• And as much as Candy Apple annoys him, she’s still his sister, and he does his brotherly duties to make sure she doesn’t do anything too stupid and get herself killed by their master

#eevee answers #beast bites #beast bites and ancient kisses #BBaAK AU #cookie run kingdom x reader #crk x reader #cookie run kingdom #yandere #yandere x reader #shadow milk cookie x reader #shadow milk x reader #burning spice x reader #burning spice cookie x reader #mystic flour cookie x reader #mystic flour x reader #cloud haetae cookie #nutmeg tiger cookie #candy apple cookie #black sapphire cookie

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otterjpg · 17 hours ago

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Not to diss Stonewall, but they are less on the ground than other UK charities, and not trans specific, so I'd suggest other charities rather than them first. Switchboard is also London centric iirc (though other regions have their own Switchboards such as Brighton).

Here's some charities I'd encourage over those ones due to trans centric support & nation wide services, for maximum impact on the day to day lives of trans people in the UK.

TransActual provides excellent resources for trans folks in the UK on how to navigate the increasingly complicated world of transition - from how to access healthcare from what legal protections trans people have. They also do a lot of great advocacy work and have obviously been super busy lately following the recent news...

Not A Phase is a really good trans charity whose services I access all the time - they offer regular free activities for trans folks all across the UK, really fostering a safe space for the community and attending these classes has significantly improved my wellbeing.

I would also urge folks to donate to grassroot trans prides across the UK - you can find links to each local trans pride via the UK Trans Pride Collective. These events are organised by local independent groups without any corporate sponsorship, and it's only within the last few years that the Collective was formed to help the organisers share their knowledge.

If you're exhausted by mainstream pride events involving sanitised parades led by corporations, then I'd recommend checking out Trans Pride events instead. They're community & activism led protest marches and community gatherings.

There's also Gendered Intelligence who I have volunteered with before. They offer support groups for trans people and their families, and awareness training to the wider cis world.

Lastly, this one is Sussex based not nationwide, but the Clare Project runs so many different services for trans people across Sussex, from support groups to workshops, group meals and socials. Super on the ground level support for trans folks.

hey! donate to uk trans charities today because it’s gonna be a rough one

#No shade to the person who suggested Switchboard and Stonewall #but... in my experience general LGBTQ charities are so so cautious to not be too trans centric #like I've seen multiple LGBTQ organisations who have all had internal memos basically being like 'lets not be too trans'#so wrt a trans specific call to action i wouldn't feel confident that any donations to those orgs will actually benefit trans people..?#cynical perhaps but. if theres actually trans specific charities then why not pick them first anyway

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eufezco · 5 hours ago

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NEW OLD JOEL 𓂃 𓈒 ❀

old man!joel x younger!fem!reader

synopsis – after years on the road, you and joel finally settle in jackson and there's nothing you love more than coming back from work to your old man wearing those glasses.

smut. fluff

the last of us masterlist

after traveling what felt like the entire world following joel, you both finally decided to settle down in jackson. it was peaceful, a not so small community anymore where you could breathe again, where you could do more than just survive. eat three meals a day. sleep through the night without one eye open. and with all that peace came space, to feel, to think, to finally let yourself consider what had been quietly building between you and joel all this time.

he was reluctant at first. the age gap weighed on him more than it ever did on you. you’d never brought it up, never even seemed to notice it in the ways he did. but you two had lived too much together since you first started traveling with ellie. that kind of bond didn’t come easily. yet joel didn’t think he had the right to want something as soft, as tender, as the love you showed him. and jackson helped him with that. the town gave him the kind of peace he never thought he’d earn. and slowly, as the years passed, joel softened and started to accept the life he deserved and appreciate the little things.

the way you massaged his shoulders after a long day of work, the way he always made sure you were warm in the mornings when he had to leave early, how you'd wake up tucked beneath an extra blanket. you built a life together made up of shared breakfasts and quiet evenings walking through the snow-covered streets of jackson, of fixing things around the house side by side, of laughter in the kitchen when something burned, and the way he'd kiss your temple like it didn’t matter.

—hi, —you said coming into the house. joel looked up from where he was sitting at the table, glasses low on his nose, hands busy with something that needed to be fixed. his eyes softened the second he saw you.

—hey, darlin’, —he said, —you’re back early.

—yeah, the snow is getting worst, there wasn't much we could do in the garden, —you replied, shrugging off your coat and hanging it up by the door.

joel gave a small nod, eyes following your every move, —i figured, —he said, —how’s the ground looking? any chance we can save anything before the winter really sets in?

you sighed, taking a moment to pull off your gloves and slide them into your pocket. —a few plants are holding up, but it’s mostly the cold that’s making it tough. i’m thinking of giving it another shot in the spring, once everything starts to warm up.

joel hummed. you approached him and hugged him from behind, resting your chin on his shoulder. his hand, still holding the small tool, paused for a second before he gently placed it down, he took one of your hands in his, bringing it up to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles.

—how was your day? —you asked.

—good, busy. dina told me the cracked main lines are full of roots. should've checked them but i forgot, —he rubbed his hands over his face, clearly annoyed with himself. you could see how much he cared about getting things right, about showing that he was still capable, still useful. he picked the piece again and fidgeted with it.

—it's okay, you can get it done tomorrow. the main lines aren't going to move, —you reassured him, your voice gentle, as you smoothed your hand over his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath your palm.

—yeah, you’re right. tomorrow’s another day, —the therapy sessions were working, somehow, because never in your life would you have imagined the joel you first met would learn to take things slow.

you kissed his cheek, his beard tickling your lips, as your hand slid slowly over his chest. you couldn't help but smile at how lost he was in the task, not even seeming to notice the way you were touching him. you pressed a gentle kiss to the side of his neck, letting your lips pressed there for just a second before pulling back.

—joel, —you murmured. your fingers brushed against his before you gently took the small tool from him and set it on the table. you moved closer, slipping one knee over his lap, easing yourself down until you were straddling him. —are you planning on working all night?

joel's hands instinctively found your hips, steadying you, surprised but not willing to stop you. —was just about done here, —he said, —then i was gonna give you every bit of my attention. but i see you've got other plans for me.

you loved how he looked with the glasses low on his nose, made him look more domestic, but you gently slid them off, folding them and setting them on the table. his eyes followed the movement, then back up to yours, darker now but entirely focused.

—thought you liked those, —he murmured.

—i do, —you whispered, —but i'm afraid they might get in the way.

he hummed, his eyes fixed on your lips.

you unbuttoned the flannel he wore beneath his jacket. he watched you, barely breathing, his hands still resting on your hips but his thumbs began to trace soft circles through the fabric of your jeans. you sighed softly as the last button came undone, revealing his body. your hand moved over his chest, tracing the old, pale scars that marked his skin. your eyes moved lower, taking in the softness of his belly, the way he relaxed under your gaze instead of tensing. you bit your lower lip, what if you said this was the sexiest he has ever looked?

—i couldn't wait to get back home to you, —you brushed your nose against his, you hips started rolling against his own. joel swallowed, his hands flexed where they held you, fingers tightening just a little.

—yeah? —he asked, his voice low, a little gruff.

you nodded, and your lips finally met his in a kiss that felt like it had been waiting to happen all day. it was desperate, needy, but slow and passionate. your fingers sank into the soft, graying hair at the back of joel’s head, tugging gently, needing him closer. he groaned low in his throat, his hands working hungrily on the zipper of your jeans.

you lifted your hips from his so he could slid your jeans down your legs and immediately after, you straddled him again. as your fingers worked on the buckle of his belt and then unzipped his pants, joel's big hands cupped your ass, pushing you forward and encouraging you to grind against his crotch.

you whined, feeling the rough fabric of his jeans through the thin one of your panties. you pulled down his underwear, just enough for his cock to sprung free. you connected your lips with his again, his hands now on your cheeks as you lowered yourself just enough for his tip to go in. he let out a deep grunt straight from his chest, you let out all the air you had in your lungs in a moan.

you took all of him. joel let his head rest on your shoulder as his hands traveled down your body to your hips. he helped you move, at first just rocking your body back and forth against his. your lips, half parted pressed together, made it easier for your breaths to mingle. then, you lifted your body and then dropped back onto him. you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his lips while you repeated that same move again and again.

—fuck, yeah, just like that, —joel groaned in your ear.

you tried not to be so loud, you didn't want to attract anyone's attention or cause a scandal. but your cries and his moans eventually echoed on the walls of your living room every time you lifted yourself a bit more and then sucked his cock completely inside you again.

joel rose from the chair in one fluid motion, his strong hands holding your weight. with a sweep of his arm, tools and scraps went to the floor, forgotten. he laid you down on the now-cleared table, the wood cool against your back, contrast to the heat building between you as his cock never left your body.

—did so good for me, now let me take care of you, hm?

he grabbed your thighs with firm hands and guided your legs around his waist so he could go deeper. your heels pressed into his lower back as he leaned in closer, his forehead resting against yours. the table cracked with each one of his thrusts and you feared it might break, it wouldn't be the first time joel would need to ask his brother for help in repairing a piece of furniture that you had broken since your arrival in jackson.

one of his hands sneaked in between your bodies and found your clit, his fingers moving fast and with urgency as he felt how you were getting tighter and tighter. you closed your eyes shut, feeling a little dizzy from all the panting as your body jerked and squeezed his own between your legs as you came. after that, he didn't last much longer and released himself inside you.

you both stayed there for a few minute. joel rested on top of you and with your legs still around him, you welcomed the weight of his body pressing you down onto the table. you played with his hair as he finally looked at you. you showed him a little smile and he gave a quick kiss to your lips.

—my body's gonna hurt so much tomorrow from this.

you giggled, —i'll make sure to give you the best massage ever.

you showed him a little smile, and he gave you a quick kiss to your lips. but as you pulled away, both of you noticed the mess of tools and pieces scattered across the floor, the work joel had been focused on before everything had shifted between you.

—i'm afraid you're gonna have to start all over again.

—with that or with you?

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strrykais · 6 hours ago

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(☘︎) ─── long story short

you’ve known yang jeongin since you were kids, until one day he leaves you unexpectedly without a word for years. but that night, the last night you two hung out, he left you with a little more than a memory ; his unplanned baby.

𐀔𓂃 kais note: added some more chapters because i realized i needed more with the amount i write!! sorry the first part is written, i couldn’t put that convo in text :/ not proofread! xo

back to library

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five

You were sitting at a playground bench watching Megan and Juwon fight over who gets to push who on the swing. You were so lost in trying to read their lips you didn't realize jeongin was walking up behind you.

When jeongin got the message asking you to meet him here, he was more than happy to agree. But then reality started to set in on all the ways you could possibly and were gonna cuss him out. But all his worries start to vanish when he sees you sitting there.

You haven’t really changed much, your hair was longer and you had this soundness just by looking at you. You smile at whatever you were staring at, jeongin always loved your smile, which is why he tried his hardest to make you laugh when you were together.

“Hi.” jeongin voice causes you to jump a little quickly, throwing your glance away from the small little boy pushing the orange haired girl on the swing.

God, he is beautiful. He grew out of his boyish features and it was scary how much Juwon looked like him. If jeongin was to see him, he would immediately know. Your genes didn't even put up a fight. Jeongin was making the same face Juwon makes when he is too scared to ask to stay up past his bedtime.

“Hey.” you give him a small smile, gesturing out to the spot next to you.

Jeongin slowly takes a seat, “how have you been?”

“I’ve been hanging on, I guess, been pretty busy these days.”

“Yeah me too.”

“Oh, congratulations on your movie. I saw it. You were born to be on the screen.”

Jeongin watches as you shift uncomfortably, he rubs his palms on his knees preparing to voice out apologies.

“Yn I am so-”

“Mommy” jeongin was interrupted by a little boy, running towards her.

He first thought maybe the boy saw wrong, but when he saw the way your face lit up and the way you outstretched your arms for him to run into. Jeongin was taken aback that you had a child, oh my god were you married? He quickly looks down at your hands, letting out a breath when he sees no band around your finger.

“Auntie Megan pushed me.” he whines pointing at the taller girl walking up to them.

“Yn I'm so sorry I didn't think he would come tell on me for pushing him down the slide.” Jeongin watches as the boy looks at him, and Jeongin freezes because that little boy had his eye shape. The way his eyes crinkle close as he laughs at whatever you whispered in his ears. He watches as the boy places a kiss on your cheek and runs away after pushing the girl who pushed him her quickly following after him.

You forgot where you were for a second until quickly looking at jeongin, letting out a little laugh hoping he did get a good look at juwon.

“You have a son?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, that's nice. How old is he?”

“Three. He just turns four next month.” you were hoping to get this conversation over with. Gathering the courage and trying to think on how to let him know gently, but before you could let it out jeongin beat you to it.

“He’s mine isnt he?” your head pops up to see him staring at you, his eyes showed so many emotions. Betrayal? Anger? Hope?

“Jeongin..” you start off slowly, but that's all the confirmation he needs before he gets up from the bench and starts walking away from you. “Wait jeongin, let's talk about it.” you quickly get up following after him.

He abruptly stops “Talk about it? Yn you had years to ‘talk about it’ and you didn't. Not once have you reached out.”

“I thought about it, but you were already taking off in the entertainment industry and I couldn’t be the one to bring you down with this accident. Jeongin we were kids, I was scared.”

“I could’ve been there for you. For him. You made a decision without even talking to his..” jeongin stops to catch his breath, trying to calm the hurt and bile in the back of his throat. “His dad yn, you took years from me when i could have been his father. That is something I can't get back.” Jeongin looks past you, his eyes scanning the playground to see if he can see his son.

“Jeongin, I'm sorry.” tears spill out your eyes hitting the floor as your head hangs low.

Jeongin wanted to reach out and wipe your tears but he held back, “i need to go yn, sorry.”

You watched through watery eyes Jeongin slowly walk away from you, you can’t really blame him you knew he needed time. You just were just worried now that the ball was on his court, what would he do.

LSS 🏷️: @margo-justine @ihttinniee @sellomaybe @gukuwii @weirdowithaphone @mmarusa @delulumel @torkorpse @seungzsmin @lukeys-giggle @zenlackszen @lixiebokie @sunnysidesins @bunni0nbanhg @beewilko @urlocalmultigroupfan @quokkacidal @yougottobekittenme @hyun4u @therealmrsbahng @bangchansgirlsblog @seungfl0wer @rikidaze @dollce-exe @mrsminseochoi @sh0dor1 @leah-also-known-as-creatoronwp

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rhadamanthes · 1 day ago

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nerd!reader x fratboy!eren

warnings : cliche cliche cliche Eren calls reader nerd a lot so be prepared, reader wear glasses, unprotected sex, fingering, blowjob lot of kisses, praise, doggy style, missionary, boob play, minimal use of y/n

word count : 6,5k

You hate working with men, especially in group projects. They're unserious and careless if it was up to you, you'd rather be doing this work alone but the teacher denied your request to your great demise. Through your years of college you successfully avoid being paired with slackers and frat boys. Today you are now seated next to Eren Jaeger, the ultimate form of a frat beast. You guess this is the end of your lucky run.

The said boy is whisper-yelling in the receiver of his phone earning angry glances from the other student in the library... Has he no etiquette about the appropriate behavior in these places ? Taking off your glasses, you massage your temple, eyes closed, face facing your desk. It's only been a few days since you started this project but you feel like you've been at it for months. The end of the semester approaching means everyone is busy. You had a hard time scheduling this work session with Eren and he's on the phone ? You can't open your eyes now because you know you want to cry.

"Sorry about this" he interrupts your train of thoughts "It's like no one knows how to organize a party when I'm not around" he jokes, opening your eyes you just stare at him with a blank expression. A party ? You're not even halfway through this project due in twelve days and he's thinking about a party ?

"I gotta go, but after the party I'll get to work and send you my part, deal ?"

"You're telling me that you're going to get drunk tonight, analyze the market we are launching our product in and create an adequate publicity?" you ask in disbelief.

"Yes" a smirk grows on his face, picking up your glasses from the wooden table, he positions them in front of his own eyes, without wearing them he looks around the room through the frame. "You know, it's not because you're a nerd with a strict working method that everyone has to follow them" he mokes, eyes falling back on you, the glasses make his eyes look slightly bigger in another context you may have smiled at that but right now you're just pissed. You open your mouth to snap back at him but he places a finger on your lips

"Keep it down this is a library" oh you want to kill him now, the audacity stuns you in your seat. "Listen, I'm in the same class as you, yeah ? Means I am not completely stupid, just trust your teammate ok?" he smiles, sliding your glasses on your nose until his finger comes in contact with the skin between your eyebrows. Without another word he pats the top of your head, turning his heels to make his way to the library exit.

What the fuck ?

A long exhale escapes your lips as you slide back in your chair, well... your mood is ruined you cannot get another word down. gathering your stuff you shove them in your bags, following the same direction your partner took a few minutes ago.

The soft breeze hits your cheeks and your pressure lowers a little, you should take breaks more often, this feels nice. The smell of nicotine hits you and you take a long whiff, god you would love a cigarette right now maybe you can borrow one to the person ? Turning your head toward the source of your desire, here stands no other than Eren. Life is really cruel to you these days. His emerald eyes catch yours and a smile curls around the butt of the cigarette. Snapping your head back, you speed walk toward the dorm, you swear you heard him laugh behind you.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

Against all expectation Eren did send his part after the party. It didn't meet your expectations but you're seeing him again today so you'll suggest the modification and smooth it over so it looks like an actual group project and not a patchwork of personal pieces. Eren invited you to his place to continue working, originally he wanted to work at yours but you said no, you wouldn't want his presence in your personal space, it's too intimate and the way he behave like an elephant in a china shop the other days makes you sweat just by thinking of him in your own apartment.

Standing in front of the main door of the two story house you take a deep breath before knocking twice. An unfamiliar face greets you and you're wondering if you had the wrong address, scrambling to apologize you're about to leave when you hear Eren's voice in the back

"Connie, is that my nerd ?" The man in front of you, which you assume is Connie, tilts his head to the side, looking you from head to toe. You clutch your books tighter against your chest in embarrassment.

"Looks like it"

"Come on in " Eren's face appears behind the bald man and you step in the house "Just take off your shoes man" Eren says, squeezing your shoulder. Barely two words in and you're already tense. Why is he so comfortable with physical touch and stupid names?

Nevertheless you oblige, toeing off your converse. You hear a stream of foreign voices coming from your right, following the noises you fall face to face with a group of boys playing mario kart, laughing and screaming at each other. This cannot be real you think, feeling your arms weaken a bit.

"Eren ! If you were busy you should have told me I would've come another day."

"No, that's fine! The boys are here but I'm taking you upstairs, it's where my desk at" he says, sliding his hand over your shoulder, looking down at you. He's close, maybe too much but you don't have it in you to fight, you can feel the warmth of his body despite your clothes. Holding his gaze you only notice now that his hair is down, fully down not half up like he wears so often his dark locks frame his face cascading on his broad shoulders. He is pretty, very pretty, your cheeks heat up a bit, you're about to change subject to get your mind off your stupid thoughts when a voice interrupts you.

"No foolishness upstairs yeah ?" Connie giggles looking back at the two of you, controller in hand.

"Worry about yourself bro being 11th against Floch is stupid" he smirks earning a fit of laughter from the rest of the group. Hand still around your shoulder he leads you up the stairs.

His room is cleaner and tidier than you expected but you're relieved, Placing your book and laptop on his desk you start to organize your thoughts, you have a lot to do today if you want to be ready by next week.

"I've read what you sent me. It is pretty good but I would like to circle back on a few points with you if that's ok ?" you ask, taking place in one of the chairs facing the desk.

"Sure thing, that's why we're here for" he smiles, scraping the chair against the floor in order to sit on it. The screeching noise making your brow furrow, everything about him is so... intense.

The session goes smoothly, Eren is way more focused then back in the library. Maybe he just needs to be in a place he is familiar with to be productive ? Sure he would run downstairs whenever the boys cheered loudly to see what it was about, blow the smoke of his juul straight in your face, stretch and groan like he spent the last decade tied up to this chair. But as long as the work is done you don't think you mind anymore.

"So I'll take care of the visual presentation, next time we see each other we could do a rehearsal of the oral presentation ? What do you think ?" you ask gathering your belongings

"I think we are going to rock this shit" he says, holding up his hand in the air. He's he expecting a high five like you guys are some sort of football team ? You stare at his palm. "Come oooon loosen up little nerd we did such a good job today" he waves his hands and you dap it quickly, shaking your head left to right a small smile growing on your lips. You stand up and he walks you downstairs.

The group of boys sitting on the couch is smaller, no more Connie in sight, you don't recognize a single face.

"Want to stay for dinner ?"

"No I gotta get back home but thanks for the invite"

"Right, go back before the sun goes down and the wolf gets you" he laughs, grabbing your forearm when you lose balance putting your shoes back on.

"Funny guy" you roll your eyes looking up at him. Behind Eren are two silhouettes, two boys that look like twins except one is slightly taller than the other, they still look very similar, upturned nose and slick hair pushed back. They are watching the interaction with curious eyes before whispering to each other. Right, the biggest gossips you know are actually men.

"Don't take everything so personally it was just a joke"

"I know, it was just lame" it's your turn to laugh now, his eyes crinkle letting your forearm go, he opens the door for you.

"Well, see you around i guess" you nod your head stepping out, Eren sends a wink your way before closing the door shut in a forceful manner.... as always.

Walking into the evening sun you still feel the shadow of his touch on your arm, goosebumps raise on your skin and you shove the thought in the back of your head, sliding your airpods in.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

The presentation is in two days, you booked one of the private rooms of the library to have a proper rehearsal but something is missing.. Eren is missing, and now you're about to lose your reservation.

"You know the rules, private rooms can not be booked for a single person so I think you have to go" the girl with ashy gray hair says with a fake nice smile.

"Yeah and that's pretty selfish to do, you know ?" the one with the black pigtails add

"I'm telling you my partner is on his way. I'm not hogging this room for myself and I'm not selfish. I booked it!"

You are starting to lose your patience. They've been trying to kick you out of the room for the past five minutes. A familiar silhouette snakes its way to the room and your shoulder relaxes.

"Mina, Hitch" his honeyed voice interrupts.

Both girls turn around and squeals greetings once they realise who it is. He gives each of them a quick side hug, cheeks pressing together "Oh my god Eren i didn't know the room was for you" You mentally check out after that sentence, their smile seems genuine now and you laugh to yourself. So all it takes for them to act normal is a popular boy ? noted for the next time you want to book a private room. Their conversation digresses to something else and you interrupt them, having lost enough time as it is.

"Eren ? Can we get to work please ?" You can't see his eyes because he's wearing sunglasses... indoors but by now you shouldn't even be shocked at this point, his head turns your way.

"Duty call ladies, but it was nice to see you" he flashes them a million dollar smile guiding them out of the room with hands on their lower back. Minna and Hitch turn around saying their goodbye as they speed walk out of the library, arms linked with one another and hushed whispers.

Seated across from you, Eren hasn't taken off his glasses yet and now that he is close, the faint smell of weed gets to you.

"Are you high ?" you ask, clinging to your last hopes. No answer comes from him but the cheshire smile he gives you makes you slump in your seat. "Eren! Is this why you're late ? I almost got kicked out because of you!" you try to keep your tone steady but you fail, voice pitching higher than usual.

"It's not the reason I'm late but yes I smoked." He says finally taking off the shades from his eyes, they're red, making the emerald color of his irises pop out. You won't admit it but... he looks good like that. His hair is fully tied back today, making it impossible to escape his powerful gaze. "And there's no way they would have managed to get you out, you looked ferocious with your eyebrow tight. Mina and Hitch are all bark, no bite. " he snickers, digging his laptop out of his bag.

You don't give him credit for his attempt at loosening up the atmosphere, connecting your laptop to the monitor. The fake presentation goes fairly well, Eren seems distracted, staring at you when he's supposed to be reading his parts. You would throw a pen his way to make him snap out of it, posture straightening up he would continue the flow of speech in such a natural way, eyes still never leaving yours. His gaze is hard to maintain so you would often nod your head, looking down at the powerpoint. Everytime you look back up a smirk was displayed on his face.

After a few more repetitions you decide that you're ready for the real presentation. Eren is waiting for you at the door, bag swinged over his shoulder displaying his beefy arm. You trot up to him so he doesn't have to wait longer. Once outside of the library he's ready to part way but you hold onto his biceps, his eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Eren please don't smoke before the oral presentation on friday" you must sound pathetic but you don't care you'll probably never speak to him after this project is over. You can see that he is holding back a smile before he opens his mouth.

"You worry way too much my little nerd." Eren leans in for a hug, the same type he gave the two girls earlier, but he lingers a bit longer, his large hand rubbing your back.the embrace is somehow reassuring you take a deep breath patting his back, you choose to believe him if this goes south for any reason you'll give your all in the other discipline to compensate.

"See ? you can actually relax when you want to" he smirks putting his sunglasses back on.

You roll your eyes adjusting your tote bag on your shoulder "Bye" you turn around.

Walking toward the dorms you think about Eren, usually his touch would irritate you, him being so casual with everyone and anything drives you crazy. But today after you saw him being sweet to those girls, you are glad he hugged you too... and the way he refers to you as his nerd is kind of cute. A long exhale escapes your lips : remember that everything will be over after friday. Maybe it's for the better, this way you won't get the wrong idea.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

Presentation went well ! The transitions were smooth and the questions asked by the other classmates at the end allowed you to prove your work was not surface level but well rounded and constructed on serious work of research. You had to literally step on eren toes when he would space out, throwing any supply at him is not possible since you were in presence of the entire class and not the privacy of the study room. Other than that, no bumps. It is a huge weight off your back

The oral exam being done also means that you are officially free from any academic pressure... until next semester but still ! You can take time to relax now. And it is exactly what you're doing, sitting on a bench you are catching up on your personal reading that you put aside due to the amount of deadline you were meeting. The three above you provide the perfect amount of shade while you still enjoy the warm breeze of the afternoon. A smile grows on your face as you read more and more of the eternal husband. It's not the book that makes you smile but the simple fact you are able to read it.

Your bliss is cut short when you feel a heavy weight on your foot, ready to brawl you put your book down with vigour.

"It's only payback don't look at me like that" Eren of course it's him "Plus you got out of the classroom at lightning speed i might have thought the last weeks were a fever dream you disappear so quickly"

"I stepped on your toes because you were just staring at me. It was your time to speak! And i left because i had things to do"

"And I was staring because you missed a part of your speech it isn't like you you know ? that's why i was shocked"

"Wait ? I did ? " You mentally replay the whole scene and can't seem to find a crack in it.

"It is so easy to mess with your mind my little nerd" Eren says ruffling your hair while a laugh makes his shoulder shake. You push his hands vigorously.

"Don't joke about this, I'm serious! "

"Soo tense, you know what you need ? To relax, to live a little"

"I was relaxing before you tried to amputate my foot," you said, grabbing your book to emphasize your words.

"Oh come on you can't be serious we just finished exams and you're dipping your nose in that russian freak story ?"

"To each their own" you say opening it back to resume your reading but a thought crosses your mind "What do you do to relax" abandoning the printed pages to look back at him. You immediately regret your question as a devilish smirk grows on his face.

"Would you like to know ? Or better I could show you" Eren says, picking up a leaf that has fallen in your hair, his finger traveling down so he can tilt your chin up. "Come by my place tonight ?"

"You're having a party ?" you ask sheepishly. That is why is known for on campus, parties, girls dying for him to notice them and his amazing athletic performances. You never went to one of his famous parties nor his games. Not your cup of tea but still, you were curious about it. Eren eyes are blank for a moment, fingers caressing your chin. "Yeah, something like that, so are you coming ? To have a proper end to this collaboration."

A last goodbye huh ? If his parties hold up to their reputation you probably won't even see him tonight due to the amount of people that would be present, and you doubt he will come to find you out of all people. You would be lying if you said a part of you doesn't want to go to his house, see what the fuss is all about... You will only stay so many years in college fuck it. "Ok i'll be there" HIs face lights up "Can't wait then" Another million dollar smile sent your way and his trotting off god knows where on campus.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

The sun sets faster than you realise, it's time to get ready for tonight, you do not know what to wear, how to do your hair and makeup, walking back and forth between your closet and the full length mirror in your living room you can't decide which dress will make the cut. Mini black backless dress or baby pink strappy dress ? Your mind tends to the black one, it's more casual you'll be more comfortable. Oh my god shoes, what about shoes ? If you call Annie to ask her you know she'll hang up, sighing as you rummage through your tiny shoe storage. The dress is black you might go for black shoes as well. strappy black heels they're toe open, a quick glance at your feet and you can see that your nail polish is still intact. Well looks like you got an outfit.

Opting for a light make up you made a wing eyeliner (surprisingly fast, given the fact that you didn't wear makeup for a longtime due to your exam ) , lip gloss, mascara blush and concealer to hide the bags you accumulated for the last few weeks. You smile at your reflection, it is good to see you this primed, you feel like you again. The glasses would spoil the look so you go for lenses tonight, and for your hair, you let them sits freely around your face and dow your back, the dress being backless would call for an updo but you're having a good hair day so screw it

22:37 reads your phone about time to go. You're feeling a bit anxious but decide to ignore it.

You call an uber and soon enough the car pulls up in the familiar driveway. Thanking the driver as you make your way to the steps, the absence of noise from any kind strikes you, you would've thought that the famous parties at the Yeager house have bass loud enough to feel them in your chest.

Before you have the time to process anymore thoughts, the door swings open revealing Eren, smiling ear to ear, looking at you up and down, his adam's apple bobs up. "Come on in" he says holding his hand out, you take it, climbing up the few stairs that separate the both of you.

"Where is everyone else ?" you ask, surprised to find the house empty.

"They'll be here" he says leading you to the kitchen, hand on the small of your naked back "Tomorrow" he adds with a grin.

"Eren!"

"What ? If I told you tonight was just us would you still have come ? " he asks, filling two cocktail glasses with a thick orange liquid. Eren takes your absence of reaction as an answer. "It's just that we spent all this time together and I never saw you anything other than stressed, I couldn't imagine you going to a party to be honest" he snickers, dipping his lips in the colorful mixture as he slides the other glass your way against the kitchen island. "Look at you nerd,not wearing your glasses, dress and heels on, you look good like that ! "

"You deemed me a nerd because I wear glasses and read books" you grumble looking down at your glass, not picking up his comment on your appearance but it makes your insides mushy.

"Not really, the first time we met you literally explain to me in details the lore of the dance of the dragons because you saw my Daenerys keychain" you close your eyes mortified by the memory "Don't be embarrassed that was fun ! " he hits your shoulder, laughing at your reaction.

You remember it all too well, it was your second year of college, Eren sat next to you, the small classroom got cramped fast and he was late, beggars can't be choosers. It is true the pop Daenerys figure caught your attention and you made small talk and might got carried away but there's no harm in that or so you thought, guess you annoyed him pretty bad if he still remembers it to this day. Feeling your cheeks heat up, you turn your head right, a few days ago this is where his group of friends were playing mario kart, now that the space is empty you got a nice view of his living room.

"You have a fireplace ? Fancy" you remark

"What you don't ?"

"My humble student apartment doesn't allow this type of furniture"

"That is really sad, want me to put it on for you ?" you roll your eyes and he leads you once more around his house, cocktails in hands.

Both of you are kneeling in front of the fireplace,resting on the fluffy white rug. Eren is filling its center with different sizes of wood sticks. You admire his arms flexing and stretching as he moves around. Tonight he is wearing a tight white shirt that highlights his toned body. His dark hair is fully down once more, the ends are a bit damp, making some spot on his shoulder see through, a grey jogger is covering his legs. Damn. He looks good wearing that. Once the branches are neatly placed he adds a fire starter and hands you a box of matches, the long type ones.

"Do me the honour" he smiles, you return his expression, scratching the red tip against the rough side of the box and sticking it to the little white cube, the flame catches quickly and you squeak, retrieving your hand from the chimney. Eren claps at your side praising you in an obnoxious manner. "She did it!" and others exclamations as if you saved the world. You laugh at his antics, eyes fixated on the yellow and orange hues that dance in front of you.

"Did you know that in ancient Rome everyone was peeing at the same place "latrines" with the strong concentration of ammonia in urine a single match would have been enough to blow the whole place up ?" you snort, thinking about the anecdote you learn in latin classes as the fire crackles in front of you.

"No I didn't" you turn to him and he is wearing his signature teasing expression. You know what is thinking already, you can almost hear his voice say it; nerd. Here you go ranting about random facts because you're hampered, and being alone with Eren at his house is the reason. At least you can blame the heat coursing through your body on the nearby fire. You take another sip from your cocktail.

"Is that a sex on the beach ?" you ask to change the subject. Eren nods looking impressed that you know. "I was going to offer you a beer but I have the feeling you would like something more refined."

"Nice catch, I don't like beer, but I have to say I didn't imagine you drinking cute cocktails."

"I'm a versatile guy, and I like to adapt to my guests." he smiles clinking your glasses with his before you both drink some more.

The conversations flow easily with him, against all expectations you guys have a lot of common interests, video games, movies and music taste. You realize that maybe you have judged him as much as he did you. Eren is currently refilling both your glasses in the kitchen as you scroll through his vinyl collection. You asked for a soft drink, feeling like the alcohol and the warm waves that come from the fireplace would be the perfect combo lulling you to sleep.

Your shoes are long forgotten by the fireplace, you are sitting on your ass, feet joint by your side. Eren slides back to your side handing you your drink. Your thighs are flush against each other, the more you were talking through the night, the closer you got, literally. The fireplace gives his face a warm light, accentuating his features, his lips are moving but you cannot decipher a single word. He is so pretty like that, the heat coming from the chimney decouples his scent, lavender and wood. You take a deep breath to ground yourself but you can't push away the need to kiss him.

Leaning into Eren's chest, you press your lips into his, softly, to see if is going to pull back or not. He doesn't, you feel his arm wrap around your shoulder, making it impossible for you to squirm away, but you wouldn't even if you could. His lips are intoxicating, he leans more and more into you as his tongue enters your mouth. Desperate for more you set down your glass on the ground, fisting his shirt in your palms. His secondhand goes on your waist securing your place once more as your tongue battles against each other for dominance. Eren breaks the kiss, still holding you close

"Needy much ?" Eren laughs, swiping his tongue on his bottom lips, your eyes don't miss a single bit, you hum absentmindedly. Diving for another kiss this time you let your hands go to his hair pulling slightly to make him open his mouth, your tongue snakes in when he gives you access, he tastes like cherry and orange and a mix of vodka. You freeze

"Are you drunk ?" The last thing you want is to take advantage of the situation. "From two cocktails ? I'm offended" you giggle and he dips his face in your neck, licking and sucking at your skin, his lips are cold, contrasting with the warmth the fire laced your body with, a shiver parcour you and you moan.

Eren travels lower, kissing your breath through the material of your dress "Can I take it off ?" he asks emerald eyes boring through yours you nod, not trusting your voice under his intense gaze. He peels the black cloth of your shoulders letting it sit on your belly. "Who would've thought my nerd has those pretty little tits" he muses fondling them in his large hands. "Do you even know my name ?" you tempt. "Of course I do, y/n" he murmurs, kissing the side of your boob, "My beautiful y/n" he adds, taking your nipple in his mouth, eyes never leaving yours.

Fuck, you should have shut up, your name rolling of his tongue ties your stomach in knots. You exhale loudly arching your back to push more skin into his mouth. You allow yourself to close your eyes, head falling back as your hand travels south to your crotch, fingers toying with your clit. Eren grunts against your areola at the sight, his own fingers entering your wet cavern, you gasp at the intrusion. "Teamwork baby we're used to this" he groans before switching to your other breast. The circular motion you're self inflicting on your bundle of nerves is slowly making you unwind. On his side Eren is curling his digits inside your cunt, in search for the spongy spot that is going to make you mewl.

You do your best to hold back your moans not wanting to sound like a desperate mess, but another precise curl of his fingers and there you are, whining and thrashing around him uncontrollably. Eren bites your nipple as you slowly come to your senses opening your eyes, you find his emerald orbs staring back at you amused. "That was quite a show" he directs his glistening digits to his mouth, cleaning them from any remaining stickiness. You nudge him with your foot as your eyes travel to his needy bulge, if anything this only makes you want the full Eren Yeager experience.

Tugging at his waistband you grab his cock from the confine of his sweatpant, he's not wearing any underwear, you chuckle. "Don't slutshame me, you weren't wearing anything either " he laughs, brushing the hair out of your face. "I didn't say anything" you joke planting kisses on his length, you can tell it is not fully hard, which is quite concerning because it's almost the size of your face already but you can take a challenge, and you want to make him hard without putting it in your mouth yet. So it is exactly what you do, leaving a trail of kisses on his base, his tip, his balls and his impressive length.

"You're killing me there y/n" he breathes, lifting his hips off the ground in an attempt to get more friction,what a greedy man he is. But you don't have it in you to tease him any more. Parting your lips you slowly suck the head of his cock in your mouth, the newfound sensation makes him hiss. You circle your tongue around his head, flicking it on his sensitive slit. Once your jaw has relaxed you work more and more of his length inside between your lips, bobbing your head up and down. You hollow your cheeks, working what doesn't fit in your mouth with your hands. His cock is heavy on your tongue, you missed this sensation, moaning around him, you quicken your pace.

"Fuck, you read a book to give head this good ?" he half laughs half moans. He's not far from the truth, you used to read erotic types of books when you were younger but he doesn't need to know that. Having your mouth full you can't answer him so you decide to sink your teeth lightly on his skin. "Shit baby, I'm joking!" he groans but you can tell it's not hurting him, relaxing your jaw you resume your activity, the sloppy noise filling the room alongside the fire cracking next to you . "Right, just like, that I love it when you're nice to me" his hips start to thrust up and you let him fuck your mouth, slacking your jaw to the max.

HIs breath is getting more and more ragged as he lets curses slip past his lips. He's about to cum and you can't wait to know what he tastes like. His hands come to each side of your face lifting you off his penis.

"Eren ?" you mumble, disappointed you haven't gone to the end. He pecks your lips multiple time "Another time baby I want to fuck that little pussy okay ?" you nod, mind too fuzzy to protest. Lowering your upper body onto the carpet Eren hikes your bottom onto his lap. He's looking intently at your pussy before you can feel embarrassed. He parts your entrance with both of his thumb, looking at the arousal ripping out of it. "Cute" he mumbles before wetting his thumb with his tongue and rumbing at your clit a few times. The action makes your cheeks burn, you won't be able to use this move with your books without thinking about this now, you groan, closing your eyes.

"Turn around for me baby" he demands, squeezing your thigh, you happily oblige, knees sinking onto the fluffy rug you arch your back the best you can so he can have a good sight. You feel him kissing your entrance a few times just like he did your lips before and restrain yourself not to back on his face. Soon enough his tip prod at your entrance and you sway your hips in anticipation. "Come on Eren please" you mewl looking back at him. Locking his eyes with yours he let his cock fill you up, inch by inch, both your mouths part when he's fully inside. Your brows are tight on your forehead when he starts to ram into your pussy.

You close your eyes in bliss, cheek resting against the rug and mouth hanging low. You knew you were going to have fun when you saw what he was packing, but you couldn't imagine him stretching you this good. "That's what you needed y/n ? My cock inside of you to turn that big brain off ?" he rasps,fingers digging in your hips. "Yes Eren thank you" you cry, gripping the soft material under you. restreint is no longer a concern, each of his thrust knocks the air out of your lung filling the room with your lewd moans. "Fuck I needed that too my little nerd, driving me crazy since the first day at the librabry". His chest collapses on top of you, making you lay flat on the ground. "Looking so fucking pretty when you want to cry" he purrs, kissing your ear and jaw.

Was he onto you since day one ? That would explain his attitude towards you, the thought makes you clench around him. A swear slips from his lips directly into your ear. One of his arm snakes under your body in between your breasts to finally grab your jaw. "Tell me how that feels baby" he demands, ramming into you deeper each time.

"Feelsgoodbaby" your words are slurred because of his grip. "Fuck, turn around I want to cum looking at that face" despite asking, he's the one manhandling you, he position you on your back covering your face in kisses as he stoke his cock a few time befaore entering you once again, "Don't hide or I'll stop" he threatens feeling your face nooking in his neck. "No, Eren don't stop " you pathetically whine, setting your head back down. The last thing you want is for him to stop now, you need the release, you need it bad. "Good girl" he kisses your cheek, linking your hands with each other, fingers intertwined.

If you didn't know better, you would've thought he has feelings for you, his forehead is resting against yours, eyes chasing yours, holding hands, this is all too intimate, so much for not getting the wrong idea. Eren's hair dangles in your face, shading the whole word from this moment, right now it's you and him. Your emotions are all over the place and you feel good, so good. A familiar knot forms in your lower belly and you know you're not going to last long, not with the way he's rutting into you like his life depends on it.

"Eren can I cum please ? " you don't know why you ask but you do "Fuck, my little nerd is so polite, go ahead make a mess" His thrust are strong now and it's all you need to unravel around his dick as you thank him over and over again. Your body goes limp on the floor, abandoning your hands Eren circles your waist head buried between your breasts as he uses your body to reach his own high, grunting like an animal. Feeling his teeth sink into your skin you know it's about seconds before he shoots his semen inside of your cunt. You feel it dripping down your hole as Eren soothes the bite mark with his tongue.

Your hand goes to his hair, caressing as his breath slowly replenishes.

"You're coming to the party tomorrow" he asks, eyes hazy looking up at you. That's what he's thinking after an sex you wonder? "I don't know, is it going to end like tonight ?" "I can only hope" he smiles resting his cheek against your belly. "Well, I can be convinced" looking into the crackling fire you pray he can't hear how loud your heart is beating in your chest.

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moonkissedmagic · 2 days ago

Text

lavender & honey (chapter 1)

pairings: Agatha x Reader, Wanda x Reader

synopsis: As you begin to finally open yourself back up to the possibility of love, the ghost of your past makes her return.

a/n: Been reading about my ladies so much, I decided to finally just write for them :)

I love writing, but this isn’t necessarily my thing, so please be kind! As of right now, I have like half a plan for this, so if anyone has any ideas at any point, please let me know! Enjoy!

P.S. We love yearning and drama over here! I am dramatic! I use dramatic language! Be warned!

word count: 5.1k

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chapter 1 -

Morning comes softly in your little corner of town.

It seeps in slowly through the tall front windows of Lavender & Honey, casting golden light across the polished wood floors and the leafy silhouettes of potted ferns still heavy with dew. Outside, the street yawns to life with the occasional rattle of a bicycle or the whisper of a neighbor’s dog walk. But inside the shop, it’s a quiet that hums—alive with the scent of soil, morning-brewed tea, and a hint of cinnamon.

You open every day at seven. Not because the foot traffic demands it, but because there’s a peace in the early hours—when you can talk to the plants without anyone thinking you’re strange, and when the world hasn’t yet tried to ask too much of you.

The bell over the door gives a lazy chime as you unlock it and prop it open, letting the cool morning breeze sweep in. You set about your ritual: watering the succulents by the window, trimming browning petals from yesterday’s bouquets, checking the cooler full of pre-made arrangements. There’s a rhythm to it. One you’ve built safely around your work.

The day unravels as most days do—soft, comfortable, long. While you’re successful enough to keep the shop open without worry, you’re by no means a bustling business. Your plants keep you from going crazy, but don’t always ease the looming sense of loneliness.

Just before closing, the bell rings again and you look at the newcomers—a couple, young and in their early twenties. There’s a lightness about them, a softness in the way they walk shoulder to shoulder. They step inside carefully, eyes wide and delighted, whispering to each other in awe at the fresh arrangements. The bride-to-be clasps her hands in front of her, cheeks glowing with quiet excitement as she points to the peonies. Her fiancé lingers beside her, clearly smitten, nodding along like the flowers themselves are meant to impress him. You offer a gentle smile and ask if they need any help. They gush—sweet and unreserved—about their engagement, the bride half-laughing as she confesses she just couldn’t wait to start planning.

You keep smiling, offering compliments and congratulations with the ease of long practice, but something tugs inside of you. A familiar sting, quiet but persistent. It doesn’t hurt the way it once did, but the ache is still there—dulled now, like an old wound that flares up when the season changes. Still, you mean every word you offer them. Wistful envy is an emotion you’ve become quite familiar with, having learned to live beside it, rather than resenting it.

You lock up, motions echoing those from the morning, only now they’re slower, heavier with exhaustion that’s settled into your limbs like fog.

A long shower and your favorite takeout are sounding better by the second, but that plan goes out the window as soon as your phone buzzes on the counter.

Jen: Don’t even TRY to get out of coming tonight, Y/N!!

Jen: Your ass better be there by 10 or I’m blasting pictures from when you drank a whole fucking bottle of tequila

You huff out a laugh at how well she knows you, rolling your eyes as you immediately respond.

You: low blow, kale. low blow.

You: but i agree that was not my finest moment

Sighing, you convince yourself it would be nice to see everyone, even if you would rather be in your pajamas on the couch.

You: ugh fine! i’ll be there

Jen: Wear something sexy!!!! You know who is coming ;)

You: goodbye jennifer

You brush her off, but can’t deny the light blush that dusts your cheeks. You can’t help but picture her. Your current... Crush? Obsession? Something quieter and far more dangerous than you’re ready to name? Nothing has happened yet—you’re not entirely sure it will, considering you and your crippling fear of trust and commitment—but god, you want it to. You shake off the heated thoughts that begin to root themselves in your brain, finishing up and heading home to get ready.

The hot shower is grounding, steam curling around you like a cocoon, washing away the residue of the day. You lose yourself in the familiar ritual—curling your hair, drawing on eyeliner with a practiced flick, humming along to your favorite songs. Choosing your outfit takes longer than you'd like to admit, clothes tossed carelessly across your carpet like fallen leaves. Eventually, you land on a black lace top that clings in all the right places, sheer and hinting at the matching bra beneath it. It’s paired with a skirt short enough to feel daring, but long enough to still feel like you. Sexy, but not trying too hard. Jen would approve.

The lingering scent of your perfume and sound of your heels follow you out the door, nerves settling low in your stomach. You’re not exactly a club girl, and it’s been ages since you last went out. Still, you square your shoulders and take a deep breath, attempting to prepare yourself for the night ahead. You text Jen that you’re on the way, receiving an enthusiastic reply with way too many exclamation points.

You've barely stepped out of your car when you hear it. Warm and melodic and far too intoxicating.

“Y/N!”

Your breath catches. Of course. Of course she’d be waiting outside like some kind of beautiful surprise the universe left just for you. She stands there, radiant as ever in the glow of the club's neon sign, all flushed cheeks and tender eyes that make your knees feel weak.

Your smile is a bit tense, but nonetheless genuine as you respond, “Wanda! How are you?”

The Sokovian beams and it feels like your chest expands to make room for the way she looks at you. She drinks you in with those eyes, slow and deliberate, like she’s cataloging every inch of you for later. And when she finally speaks—

“Better now that you’re here, dorogoy.”

Your cheeks blaze. She always does this—calls you names, soft and accent laced. Makes your stomach twist in too many directions. Gives you a feeling you thought was reserved for only one person.

“You’re sweet,” you softly remark.

“Not as sweet as you, I’m sure,” she smirks back.

You chuckle and clear your throat in hopes of breaking the rapidly growing tension, not exactly sure how to respond.

This is too much, too fast you think. Realistically you know it’s not—it’s barely anything and you’ve known Wanda for months now—if anything it’s been too little, too slow. But there’s no buffer, no anyone around, and you feel exposed. You think you really like her and you don’t want to fuck it up. It’s been a while since you’ve been with anyone, let alone interested in anyone, and you feel severely out of practice.

Before you can spiral further, Wanda nods toward the club’s entrance where music pulses through the brick walls in time with your rapidly growing headache. “Ready to brave the storm?”

You smile gratefully, still a bit shy, and fall into step beside her. Her hand finds the small of your back, fingers steady and reassuring. It feels nice, you think—the combination of her warm skin and cool rings sends shivers down your spine. You keep your composure, refusing to implode from one simple touch.

Once you step inside, the world seemingly transforms. Everything is alive—the floor vibrates beneath every beat, lights strobe in sync with the music, bodies move like waves in the dark. The scent of cologne, sweat, and something sweet hangs in the air, overwhelming your senses.

Wanda’s hand remains firm against your lower back—if anything, she draws you closer as the crowd presses in, her fingers digging slightly into your hip to tether you to her. The gesture is subtle but grounding, and you lean into it instinctively.

You scan the room for any glimpse of your friends, hoping to find them sooner rather than later. Before you’re forced to look too hard, Wanda’s hand slides from your back to your elbow, down to your fingers. She links them with her own, wordlessly tugging you along. You bite your lip and take a deep breath, letting yourself be led—the comfort of her touch melting away whatever nerves still clung to your spine.

She cuts a path through the crowd with easy confidence, ducking past clusters of dancers and half drunk patrons until you reach a table tucked away in the back right corner of the club. You find Nat, Maria, Lilia, and of course, at the center of it all, Jen. The second she spots the two of you she’s smirking at the rest of the group, giving you a look you don’t have the energy to analyze.

“Well, look who finally showed up,” she announces, voice rising above the music.

You roll your eyes at her theatrics, lips twitching into a grin despite yourself. There’s always been something infectious about Jen’s energy—brash and bright and impossible to ignore.

Wanda squeezes your hand gently, her smile lazy as she steadily remarks, “My fault. I held her up in the parking lot.”

You groan internally. You can already see where this is going.

Jen’s eyes light up like a Christmas tree. She leans forward, practically vibrating with delight. “Oh, I’m sure you did,” she says, the innuendo barely veiled.

Wanda lets out a soft, playful sigh. “Grow up, Jen.”

“Yeah. Grow up, Jen.” You piggyback off the Sokovian, further leaning into her touch. You start to relax, feeling more comfortable as she takes the lead.

The beauty guru raises her eyebrows, amused by your obedient echo. Wanda’s gaze dips toward you, eyes twinkling with approval as she rubs a teasing thumb along the sliver of exposed skin between your skirt and top.

Already a little tipsy and with eyes full of mischief and fondness, Jen reaches out, pulling you into a warm, slightly sweaty hug that smells of vodka and expensive perfume.

“By the way, you look hot. Like, ‘step-on-me’ hot. You’re welcome.”

You laugh, shaking your head, though you don’t deny the compliment. The rest of the group is scattered around the table, drinks already flowing, bodies swaying subtly to the beat. Everyone’s happy to see you, and the energy is easy—effortless in a way that only true friendships are. There’s no pressure, no need to perform. Just warm, familiar faces and the low thrum of alcohol softening the edges of the world.

You say your hellos to the rest of the group, slipping into the circle of chairs with Wanda never too far from your side. The night hums along with easy laughter and clinking glasses—a couple of rounds come and go, conversation flowing smoother with each sip. You're more relaxed than you expected to be—maybe it's the drinks, maybe it's the way Wanda keeps drifting just close enough to brush against your arm. At some point, your third (maybe fourth?) glass is empty, and before you can register the lull, Wanda glances over and offers to get you a refill.

She leans in, her breath warm against your ear, “What do you want, dorogoy?”

The way she says it—low, intimate, affectionate—makes your stomach flutter. You turn toward her, lips twitching into a playful smile.

“Surprise me?” you murmur, a little bolder now.

You hadn’t meant for it to sound suggestive—but the second it leaves your lips, you know it did. Wanda’s eyes darken immediately, her attention narrowing in on the place where you’d bitten your lip just a moment ago.

“Gladly, detka,” she purrs, voice smooth and languid like dripping honey. “You just sit there and look pretty, okay?”

It’s not a question. You nod without even realizing it, absentmindedly staring after her.

Someone clears their throat. Loudly. You blink and glance up, suddenly aware that every single pair of eyes at the table is trained on you. Some are smug, some are affectionate, but all are supportive. You duck your head in response, feeling embarrassed for seemingly getting caught.

Jen, unsurprisingly, is the first to speak. “Wow. You are down bad.”

Nat snorts beside her, “Can’t blame you though. Maximoff might be in even worse shape than you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you try to deny.

They all look at you incredulously, not bothering to entertain the lie with any sort of acknowledgment. Before Jen can open her mouth with another taunt, you beat her to it.

“Okay, but how is everyone? It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you guys.”

She wants to push, but your genuineness is unmistakable and they know that while it's a diversion, you are truly curious about how they’ve been.

Jen rolls her eyes but softens, telling you about work and her frustratingly perfect relationship with a European male model. You nod along, chiming in and asking questions at all the right times.

Maria slips away to help Wanda at the bar, and Nat joins the conversation, launching into an animated rant about her gym and the unrelenting cloud of testosterone that hangs around the place. Lilia remains mostly quiet, content to observe, her eyes speaking louder than words.

Soon, Wanda and Maria return with overflowing cups, handing them out and matching them to their rightful owners. The Sokovian takes her place next to you, close but comfortable.

She slides a vibrantly colored drink towards you, “For you, printsessa.”

You roll your eyes at the nickname, but gratefully accept the cup, “What is it?”

Her lips curl around her glass, “You said to surprise you, detka. It’s a surprise.”

She tips her head toward you, her eyes practically daring you to try it. You oblige, taking a generous sip under her unrelenting gaze. The drink is fruity, with just enough bite to make it interesting. As soon as you’re done, her eyes are on your lips.

“How is it?” Her eyes flick up to yours, smug but heated.

“Sweet,” you tease back.

She leans in, lips a breath from yours. “Not as sweet as you, I’m sure,” she repeats from earlier.

You feel a small flicker of courage as everything around you seems to fade away. You ignore all of your doubts and latch on as tight as you can.

“Why don’t you find out?” Now it’s you watching her, gaze drawn to the curve of her smile.

Wanda doesn’t waste a second. Her mouth claims yours like she’s been waiting forever, her lips soft but sure. When her tongue traces along the seam of your mouth to get a better taste, you open without thinking, letting her in. You try to muffle the whimper that escapes your throat, but she hears it—feels it—and you know from the way her smirk presses against your skin that she loves it.

You’re both panting when she breaks away, licking her lips and breathing into you, “I was right. You’re even sweeter than I thought.”

That’s about as much of a pause she gives before diving back in, devouring you more intensely than before. Her hands move to your face, rings cool against your cheeks, fingers threading into your hair. You lean into the contact; nearly forgetting where you are, who’s around, or what came before her.

Then—

A loud noise. Sharp, direct. Suddenly, you’re being yanked away.

“What the fuck?” You gasp, spinning to find Jen gripping your arm with a look that immediately sobers you.

You know that look.

“What? What’s wrong?” Your voice wavers.

“Don’t freak out,” Jen says carefully, too carefully.

Nat’s voice cuts through next, low and laced with warning, “Oh hell no.”

Wanda’s hand slips into yours again, grounding you, trying to help even though she’s clearly confused.

“Seriously, what’s going on?” You panic.

Before anyone can explain, you hear a voice you would know anywhere—a voice you could pick out of any crowd.

“Y/N?”

They’re still a distance away, but you can tell they’re moving in your direction.

All the breath leaves your lungs at once and you feel the color drain from your face. “Oh my god.”

Wanda gently tilts your chin towards her, trying to grab your attention. “Hey.”

“Y/N, it’s okay. We’ll just tell her to go away,” Jen offers, though her voice lacks confidence.

Maria scoffs, “Yeah, because she’s a great listener.”

Wanda’s brows are furrowed, Lilia looks like she’s sending up a prayer, Maria’s eyes are practically falling out with how hard she’s rolling them, and Nat’s gripping her glass so tightly it’s a miracle it hasn’t shattered.

As soon as you’re able to open your mouth and attempt to form any kind of response, you’re cut off, and this time, the voice is much closer.

“Y/N. Baby.”

You shudder and somehow find the courage to look up, seeing Agatha Harkness standing not five feet away from you.

And just like that, your entire world tilts.

Time stops—or at least it feels that way. The chaos of the club melts into a distant hum, swallowed by the thunder of your own heartbeat in your ears.

Agatha. She’s just as devastatingly beautiful as ever, maybe even more so now that she’s been carved from absence. Her hair is long, curling in untamed waves that spill over her shoulders like ink. Her eyes—those impossibly blue, soul-splitting eyes—lock onto yours the instant you look over, as if she’s been holding her breath, waiting for this exact moment.

She’s dressed like a dream you’ve tried to forget—tailored pants that hug her hips, a low-cut blouse in midnight silk that reveals just enough to make your mouth dry, and heels that click with too much confidence for someone who should not be here. You meet her eyes for the first time in two years, and it’s as if no time has passed at all.

Surprisingly, Wanda is the first to speak up.

“Baby?” she repeats, her voice firm but questioning, a single eyebrow arching as she throws a glance your way. She doesn’t know who this woman is, but from the tension buzzing through the air like a livewire, she assumes she isn’t welcome.

Agatha’s gaze finally tears itself away from your face, whipping to where Wanda sits beside you. Shifting with something sharp, she sizes her up, jaw tightening with challenge.

“Yes. And you are?” The words are dipped in acid, thrown like daggers made specifically for the Sokovian. There’s no mistaking the bite, the way her tone seems to curl around jealousy and disdain. Agatha might not know who Wanda is, but she sees her. She sees her hand on your knee. Her lipstick on your mouth. Her presence next to you, filling the space that once belonged to Agatha.

To her credit, Wanda doesn’t flinch. She lifts her chin slightly, her expression unreadable except for the coolness in her eyes. It’s as if she’s weighing the woman in front of her—measuring her—and not finding anything particularly impressive.

She opens her mouth to respond, but Agatha cuts her off with an icy smirk.

“Oh no, sweetheart, I don’t actually give a shit.” Her lips curve upward, but her eyes—those eyes—betray the truth. They scream. They’re stormy and desperate and furious that someone else has touched what’s hers.

Her attention immediately returns to you like it never left, taking you in with a passion that steals the breath from your lungs. It’s the same way she used to drink you in—like you were her favorite sin—but now it’s hungrier. More frantic. Her eyes devour you like she’s been starved. She rushes to get her first fix of you in what has been far too long for her liking.

“Agatha,” you exhale, voice careful. You say her name like it’s just a word, like it doesn’t still echo through the hollow parts of you.

“Angel,” she breathes in return, the word breaking apart at the edges. It comes out raw and unguarded, like it has physically hurt her to be away from you all this time.

Even with music blaring, the silence that follows is deafening. It stretches on for too long, too tight, until it’s nearly suffocating. Agatha doesn’t seem to mind. She’s always thrived in tension, lived in chaos. And tonight, she’s in her element—content to stand in the middle of the storm as long as your eyes are on her.

“Can we go somewhere? To talk?” Her voice is quieter now, softer, but still firm. Still that same sultry, low tone that once consumed you so fully you forgot where she ended and you began.

There’s something beneath her request—a fracture, an edge of vulnerability that remains hidden from everyone but you. She stands tall, but you hear the tremble beneath the surface.

Nat’s voice slices through the moment like a blade. “She’s good. You, on the other hand, should definitely go.”

Agatha raises her eyebrow in sharp amusement, barely peeling her eyes away to glance at the redhead with a look teetering between condescension and beguilement.

“Natasha.” She dryly acknowledges, spitting out her name like a punch disguised as a greeting.

Nat’s jaw tics. Her hands are clenched. You’re pretty sure she’s moments away from launching herself across the table.

Jen, trying to salvage some kind of order, steps in with her usual exasperated flair. “Alright, everyone! We’re all adults here. Let’s act like it, yeah?”

“Act like it?” Nat snaps, eyes wide with disbelief. “What, so all of a sudden you’re on her side? What the fuck, Jen?”

“I’ve made it very clear, I’m on nobody’s side,” Jen says, raising her hands like a referee in a ring. “I just want to enjoy the night, so maybe if we just—”

“Fuck no!” Nat shouts, slamming her hand on the table. She rises to her feet, eyes burning and voice taut with anger. “She needs to leave. Now.”

The entire table bristles with energy—everyone tense, everyone watching. Even Wanda’s eyes have sharpened. No one’s speaking, but their body language screams. Lilia watches like she’s already predicted ten ways this could go. Maria sips her drink with steeled silence. The music keeps pulsing behind it all, the rest of the club unaware of the landmine that’s gone off in the back corner.

True to form, Agatha hasn’t moved an inch. She stays rooted to where she is, with her focus laser-locked onto you. She’s composed, but her stillness is a lie. You can feel the heat of her restraint—thick and searing—radiating off of her in waves.

You can feel her. That pull. The gravitational ache that’s always existed between you.

You take a deep breath and slowly stand, knowing this is your situation to sort out. You ignore the flutter of Wanda’s concerned gaze and the way Nat watches you like she’s ready to pull you back if needed. You don’t say a word, you just rise and face her. All of her.

She wastes no time drinking in every new inch of your exposed skin now that nothing is hidden from her view. But the look in her eyes isn’t just hunger—it’s need. Desperate, sharp, unfiltered. It goes beyond desire. It’s as if something buried deep inside her can’t help but call out to you, like her soul knows yours and is reaching through the spaces between you. It’s as if you’ve always belonged to each other and always will.

In her stare lives every memory, every laugh, every regret, every late night, every whispered promise she let slip away. It lives in her eyes and it begs. There’s longing written in every line of her body, and it makes you ache in places you didn’t know were still tender.

On the surface, it’s easy. She doesn’t deserve your time. She shouldn’t get another chance. Whatever excuses she’s spinning in her mind are nothing but smoke and mirrors. You know better.

But deep down, in a place you’ve tried to lock away and forget—you never stopped wanting her. Even when she hurt you. Even when she made you feel like nothing. You still wanted her—still want her. And that’s the most dangerous truth of all.

So when you open your mouth, you decide to keep it simple. You’ll calmly, but firmly, tell her to leave you be, and then you’ll turn around and get on with your night like it never happened. Easy, simple plan. You know she’ll push, try to stir up everything you’ve buried, but you also know that if you don’t break, she’ll have to let it go. You clear your throat, steeling yourself for what’s to come.

“I think that it’s—”

You don’t get the chance to finish.

“Agatha? Where the hell did you go?”

A new voice slices through the tension like a razor. Your stomach plummets. Your blood runs cold.

She turns slightly, just enough to confirm your fear.

Rio Vidal. Agatha’s co-worker—and more importantly, her ex-girlfriend.

Who just so happens to be the one person you can’t stand more than anybody else.

And in that moment, your heart shatters.

Every ounce of strength you’d managed to gather vanishes in an instant. Your breathing picks up. Your throat goes dry. And Agatha—god, Agatha flinches.

To everyone's surprise, you laugh. But it’s not light or airy—it’s broken. Jagged, like something torn loose under too much pressure. It scrapes out of you like it hurts, spilling into the air with a kind of devastation that silences the entire group.

“Oh, this is perfect.”

Agatha reaches for you, voice desperate, raw. “Y/N—”

“No, no! This is good. This makes sense.” Every part of you is trembling, like your body no longer knows how to hold itself together. You’re crumbling in front of everyone, and Agatha’s heart is breaking.

“Baby, no, it’s not what you think-”

“Do not call me that and do not say that to me!” you explode, the words ripped from your chest. “How can you look me in my face and say that to me, Agatha? After everything?”

And then Rio, in all her obliviousness—or maybe arrogance—steps forward.

“Look, sweetheart,” she says, crossing her arms like she’s doing you a favor. “You need to chill out. Take a fucking breath, okay?”

Agatha snaps her head just enough to growl, “Shut the fuck up, Rio.”

The older woman attempts to reach for you again, but your body moves before your mind catches up—pulling away fast, hitting the edge of the table in the process.

Nat immediately grabs onto your shoulder, her grip firm and steadying. She’s close, and for a moment, you find relief in her presence.

All at once, you start to regret every drink you’ve had that night as your stomach churns violently. Your chest rises and falls in uneven breaths as you manage to say, “I—I think I need to go.”

“What? No, don’t let her ruin your night, Y/N.” The Russian's voice is sharp, but you can hear the worry beneath it. Still, you can’t shake the overwhelming urge to escape.

You jerkily lean in, close enough that your words are a soft, urgent murmur against her ear. “No, I really don't feel good, Nat. I think—I think I'm going to be sick.”

Her expression changes instantly—eyes widening in alarm as she sees the color drain from your face. Without a word, she grabs your arm, pulling you into her with an easy strength. The chaos around you fades into the background as she moves, her steps quick and purposeful. She ignores the questions and protests thrown behind you, the buzz of rising voices all drowned out by the sound of your own pounding heart.

“Y/N, wait!” Agatha calls out, her voice strained between panic and guilt.

“Dorogoy, are you alright?” Wanda asks, her tone tight with unanswered concern.

You stumble slightly, but Nat holds you close—her pace unwavering as she leads you through the mass of people, weaving around obstacles like she’s done it a hundred times before. When you catch sight of the bathroom, you groan into her chest, the sight of a line of people making your stomach twist tighter.

The redhead seems to sense your frustration before you even say anything. She steps forward without hesitation, voice ringing out as she yells about some kind of emergency. Her words hit the air like a command, and before anyone can react, she shoulders her way through the group, moving with practiced ease. She doesn’t stop until she’s right in front of the door, slipping in just as someone leaves, locking it behind her with a soft click.

You don’t have time to thank her before you’re doubled over on your knees, emptying the contents of your stomach into the toilet. In the midst of everything, Nat’s hands are there—gentle but unyielding. She pulls your hair back, gathering it in a makeshift ponytail with a practiced touch, holding it away from your face as you heave.

When the worst of it finally passes, your body feels drained, like there’s nothing left. You slump back against the cool bathroom wall, your eyes closing as you try to steady your breathing. The pounding in your head subsides slowly, but you still feel off balance, like you’re drifting outside your body.

After a moment, you peek up at the redhead, finding her staring down at you with a mix of concern and something softer. You take a long, shuddering breath, trying to gather your scattered thoughts.

In the end, all you can seem to come up with is an exasperated, “What the fuck?”

The woman across from you huffs out a bittersweet laugh, but before she can even consider a response, there’s a knock at the door—light, but insistent.

“Y/N? You okay in there?”

It’s Wanda, voice laced with worry—but it's not just the words that have you sitting up straight. It’s the way they buckle, like they’re strained at the edges.

You exchange a glance with Nat, and without speaking, she stands, taking a step toward the door. Just as she reaches for the handle, another voice cuts through—this time, low and dangerous.

"Why don’t you take a step back, sweetheart? Let the grown ups handle this."

It’s Agatha. Because of course it is.

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