#without them and they feel the exact same way so you're just trapped in each other's orbit unable to move closer or farther away
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one thing about me is that I'm never not gonna be obsessed with soulmates as a horror concept
#like. there's just so much there#not even in a 'state mandated partner' way but in a 'i need to be close to you on a deep gut level that i have no control over even if i#don't like you or we make each other unhappy'#like the idea of having someone who's 'made' for you or you being 'made' for someone else and how horrifying that would be when you really#get down to it is just so compelling to me on a thematic and narrative level. you can't be happy with them but you also can't be happy#without them and they feel the exact same way so you're just trapped in each other's orbit unable to move closer or farther away#because even if you do love them and like them...do you really? is it you or is it the compulsion? is it them as they are or them as they#exist for you in this position?#your autonomy is so deeply compromised that yes AND no are both on some level meaningless#or maybe they die before you meet them so then you're stuck with an ingrained need for someone you've never met and never will. you can't#really grieve them because you don't know them but you also can't just let them go because it's wired into you to care so there's#literally nothing you can do to process this and you're just stuck#idk man it's just so miserable i can't get over it
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i always get questions when i do a split gifset, and it's a deceptively simple process so i thought i'd try to show how i do it! i don't know if these types of gifsets have a more universally recognized name, but that's what i call them so that's what i'm going with.
i'm going to write this assuming you have a solid familiarity with photoshop and making gifs, but please feel free to send me an ask if anything is unclear. i use video timeline/smart objects so will be showing that (here's a great general tutorial on giffing with timeline). i will also be talking A LOT about gif dimensions, so first let's briefly go over the limits and theory a little bit.
a 1 column gifset can accommodate gifs 540 pixels wide
2 columns = 268 pixels each with a 4 pixel gutter between
3 columns = 177, 178, 177 pixels with 4 pixel gutters
i'm mostly going to talk about 2 column split gifs here (what i will refer to as 2x1 from now on - 2 across and 1 high), but the process is the same for 3 column (3x1) and so on (1x2, 2x2, etc).
so, why would you even want to make a gifset like this? i mean, let’s face it, generally, bigger is better for gifs on tumblr, and there are obvious incentives to 540 width gifs over 268 or 177/8 width, especially since the upload limit went to 10MB. but even 10MB isn’t much when you’re talking about high quality footage. gif making is a constant balance between quality (whatever that means to you: frame dimensions, sharpening, coloring, etc) and file size. split gifs are a cheat to that limitation >:)
i personally believe an untapped frontier of tumblr gifmaking is playing with dimensions and time. that sentence makes me sound like an old-timey sci-fi villain, but you get the idea: gifmaking is an art and there are many fun and interesting ways of exploring the medium. you can do a lot with 268 pixels! longer frame loops to gif longer scenes unbroken, bolder coloring on a wide shot you don’t want to pare down. and, a shorter x axis means the y axis’s bang goes a lot further on a buck. also just if you have a 2 column set but only 5 gifs so you need to make one take up 2 slots. there's a lot of reasons but the most important one is it's fun :) here are some examples of other split gifs i've made: x, x, x
this isn't so much a limitation, more of a shift in how you think about gifs, but it's important to remember that each gif should ideally be doing something still. when making split gifs, it’s easy to pick a wide scene without thinking about how it’ll be split down the middle, and then you’re left with a lot of something on one side and a lot of incongruous nothing on the other - or you're left with a person cut in half awkwardly in the middle. so while a split gif can still be a whole scene, you shouldn’t ignore the break and what it means to the bigger picture. now this is personal preference, but i like to play with the break and make it a part of the gifset. mirrored movement, subjects trapped on either side but still talking to each other, a bird flying from one side to the other. fun with frames! it can be another way of drawing attention to specific images/moments/feelings happening within the same shot.
SIMPLE SPLIT GIFS
to more narrowly define what i’m calling “simple split gifs,” it’s one set of frames split down the middle into two separate gifs that are meant to play concurrently, side by side.
first thing's first, crop your gif and uncheck delete cropped pixels if it is not already (very important). i'm cropping it to the 1x1 size, in this case 268x350. if you need to see how the full size will look, you can try it out with 536 first. but this one is pretty easy, this is the exact center of the frame (the left boundary of this crop is the center line) and both their heads fit within their respective 1x1 crop.
then color as you normally would. if your scene is very different one side to the other, it might be easier for you to color on a wider crop and then either crop again or copy paste your coloring to the smaller crop version. i do that with the 2x6s, but it's usually not that big a deal to color the 2x1s with just the small crop on your canvas at the time. this scene is very symmetrical, both in movement and colors, so i'm good.
now the fun part! once you've got one side how you want it, save/export as you normally would. at this point i also like to make a mental note of how many frames there are.
so i have 49 frames and it's still only ~3MB! this is just an example that i picked from my rotk fancy set, otherwise i probably would have made this gif longer.
then onto the other side, so i ctrl + z my way back to my smart object video timeline. to get to theoden i just drag and drop the smart object 268 pixels over. since this one is in the exact center of the image, it even helpfully guides me (this can get annoying if you are NOT giffing the center of the image fyi, but you can always manually go pixel by pixel too if you need to with your <- -> keyboard buttons. just always remember where you started and count accurately). i can never move around my smart object without hiding the adjustment layers on top of it, so you'll see me do that in this screen recording.
see how it corrected me when i dragged it a few pixels down by accident, and with all those pink guidelines? sometimes photoshop is good 😌
then make sure you still like the coloring, adjust whatever needs to be adjusted, but watch out! don't make any major changes because it still has to match the other side. and export again.
what we perceive as 1 series of frames chopped down the middle is just 2 separate gifs with the same frame rate. when tumblr loads the images, it will run concurrently in the post (even though it never does in the draft post 🙄). and that's it!
COMPLEX SPLIT GIFS
again i'm making up terms, but i call anything with more than 2 components a complex split gifset. i've tweaked some things in the process as i went along, but this is generally how i did the lotr series. these sets are basically just many split gifs with transitions. and here's where endurance becomes a factor :) there's a lot of prep done blind. but if set up well, it will be fairly easy to pull together by the end.
first i decide on my dimensions, using my upper bounds to determine how big i'm going to go. since lotr has very nice large file sizes, i can go pretty big without sacrificing much in quality. i decided on 3 rows of 350 pixel height gifs and it's worked well for me. that means my biggest gif will have a total height of 1050 pixels - fun! you could also do 8 rows, with two 2x2s or just a series of 2x1s that transition to 1x1s. there really is no limit to this except your imagination and source material.
i cap everything i'm going to use before i even open photoshop, then do all of them at once. uncheck delete cropped pixels, then i make my gifs! this is where i spend 90% of the time on this set. every gif should be the size of the smallest 1x1 gif (268x350 for me). i make all 10 into a fully colored, separate psd. (and then i usually go back through all of them a few times to get the colors to match better 😅) for the bigger ones (2x1: 536x350 and 2x6: 536x1050), i just crop them as if they were 1x1 but always thinking about how they will look when big. this gets tricky when i do the big one :) my lazy workaround for that is to basically make it twice: one cropped as it will be and one full size for me to color. then i copy and paste all the coloring layers onto the small one and voila, i know that the coloring in the upper right slice will also look good on the bottom left slice 1050 pixels away because i saw it on the full size version.
coloring is probably the biggest thing i'm thinking about with this kind of set. the whole idea is that these gifs are using the same colors, more or less, throughout each phase. even with the 1x1s, they're still part of a larger color concept, and they should (🤞) work with each other.
in a pinch, i like to eyedrop a color from one gif and add it as an accent to another. one of my 1x1s had a much more muted color palette originally, but i wanted it to have deeper blues and yellows to complement the 1x1 that would go next to it, so i added some gradients on lower opacity over it, color picked from other gifs i already colored.
i keep my coloring and the smart object in separate folders to help me in the final step of combining everything, and then i trim everything down to my lowest common denominator of frames. you might think you need to keep frames pretty minimal if you're doing 3 phases with transitions like this, but there's more room to work with on a small gif, in terms of file size. i usually do 30-50 frames for each phase, with the assumption that i'll be adding a transition on each side of each gif that will eat up some frames (i usually do 4-6 frame fade transitions). for the rotk set my final frame count was 129 and i never went over 8MB on a gif, so there's plenty of space play around with things :)
and then, combine! whatever order you start with, you are stuck with (unless you're getting even more complicated, but we won't go into that lol). for these sets i go small 1x1 -> medium 2x1 -> big 2x6. i like to think of it in phases from this point on. small is the first phase, then medium, then big. then i put in the fade transitions, chopping up the first phase gif so the last one will fade into it, restarting the whole cycle seamlessly. i'm just doing a quick and dirty fade here, but here's a tutorial if you want more explanation on transitions.
at this point i save this psd as its position, "top left" or whatever (usually it's a psb by this point too 🥲), just in case i need to go back to it. then i export this first gif and move on to the rest.
it's the same concept as a simple split gif: drag and drop the smart object to the new position, but now there are multiple phases to keep track of. folder organization has been key for me to keep everything straight. i move through the gifs in a backwards S, starting with the top left. but you could go any direction, just gotta stick with it and remember your counts. in my case, i'm always thinking of 268 pixels over and, for the 2x6, 350 up/down. it's a tedious process, but it goes quick (apart from waiting for photoshop to load each time you export).
i did this series as a color concept aesthetic kind of thing, so my theory was by using the same-ish colors throughout, that would save me in the end when it came time to export. there's only 256 colors max to work with on a gif, and that's usually what gets me over the 10MB limit. but as i said, i have never even gotten close to the size limit on this series. it's pretty hard to reach the limit on 268 pixels, but not impossible. (i did run into that on the emma set i did, and that was hell. but also not an impossible fix in the end.)
and that's it! if you try any of this and have trouble, i'm happy to help if i can but mostly this is a "click around and see what works for you" kind of process. and feel free to tag me on your split gifsets :) i love seeing them <3
#*lotrsplit#*#split gifs#gif tutorial#photoshop tutorial#usergif#allresources#chaoticresources#completeresources#photoshop tag
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leaving on wild charted waters [pt.3]
(what if our mc just got tired of Night Raven College and it's inhabitants?)
(how would some of our NRC students react to this?...)
(includes each house leader +ace and deuce! as requested!<3)
(also includes lots of angst!/mention of blood but not a lot/ angst angst angst angst angst--/not proofread/may be ooc and inconsistent in some places(in both the second part and this part) my apologies!! T-T/mention of book7 overblot/did I mention angst?)
it's been over two weeks now, two weeks in RSA.
so far you've met the headmaster of the school, Ambrose LXIII, with the guidance of Rielle. the headmaster understood your circumstances and talked to you about how he'll try his best to find a way back home for you, and to ease up any of your doubts and concerns he even said he'll promptly ask a student to hand you a report from him of any progress he's made to ensure a safe passage back home for you!
even without having to be an official student or enroll they let you stay in the same dorm as Rielle with your own dorm room as a temporary stay here... and your dorm room was actually nice and well set up! like a hotel room... you were relieved you didn't have to worry about the ceiling cracking and falling on your face for the rest of your nights here.
and to your amazement the headmaster kept his word, unlike Crowley. any report of progress was mostly driven by research but he did mention a lot of Twisted Wonderland's history to connect to any potential gateways back to your world... and this felt way better than whatever Crowley was doing so it was like a breath of fresh air.
finally for the first time ever you've been able to feel like you’re several steps closer to seeing your friends and family back home!... every time you'd think about it you'd get goosebumps of excitement.
during these past few days you've met an enormous amount of friends! most of them being Rielle's while others were outside of the inner social circle but still all of them were friendly or just got along in some way or form, it seemed almost magical. aside from Rielle one of your other closest friends was this boy of green eyes and long, and I mean long blonde hair that usually either dragged behind him or was in a huge braid, he was actually the one who healed your broken arm and wounds with his magical healing powers from his hair! and now you're able to be more active again!
Raps is his name, and he was usually always called upon and under strict supervision by his father whom was a professor there... but you weren't sure if they are related by blood or not since the professor had dark black curls and grey eyes rather than the yellow haired boy's more bright features, but you never really bothered to ask or wonder much. in the end you two got along well and actually had a bit in common! mostly due to the fact that you both can relate to the feeling of being trapped, restrained.
in the end you absolutely loved your temporary stay here so far, you hoped no overblots would ruin your experience... so you never really let your guard down but nonetheless it was relaxing.
we wouldn't be able to say the same for Night Raven College and everyone you left behind though!
Meanwhile in Night Raven College....
it was after classes ended on this cold and grey day when five particular freshmen and a student robot of NRC have been grouping up after school for the past week for one particular reason only...
"where could they be?? we've searched everywhere! the halls, the classrooms, the garden, forest, the shore... it's like they disappeared from thin air!" exclaimed the ace, Ace Trappola to be exact.
"we've looked everywhere Ace, what also irks me is that even Vil has been harsher on the entire dorm since they disappeared." the apple of the group, Epel Felmier, sighed in frustration on the brink of snapping.
"...but could they have been taken, kidnapped?... I'm sure Grim would've heard of any struggle but we haven't even heard from the cat." spoke the wolf of the group, Jack Howl.
"no.. Grim has been avoiding us like the plague and even managed to sneak away from us several times. not sure where he could be hiding now aside from the old ramshackle dorm but-- even yet he always manages to slip through our hands!..." the spade spoke worryingly, Deuce Spade was deeply concerned for your safety and confused over Grim's actions.
"that human!! they've been driving the young master mad! all he's been talking about is where they could be and if they are alright!!... and every time I come back to him it's like the sky and his excellence himself just keeps getting worse and worse!.." the loudest knight of Malleus Draconia, Sebek Zigvolt, exclaimed loudly with worry for both the prefect and his young master... but more worried about the young master's train of thought with how worse the clouds have been getting with the most terrible rain and thunder when each day goes by.
"my big brother hasn't been sleeping at all.. way worse than when he has his game marathons. he's constantly looking for any digital footprint they could've left or even trying to hack into their location but it always overrides somehow... it always says that the device is dead or nonexistent." the younger of the shroud brothers, Ortho Shroud, is seen stressing over you and his big brother, Idia Shroud. "with the amount of information my big brother has been trying to look through it could possibly even make me short circuit."
the entire group was at a frustrating dead end for any clue of your disappearance aside from all your everyday items being left behind and your last known scent to be in the ramshackle dorm and at the very edge of the sea. other than that no one has much of a clue.
well they have been hearing from students that a ship appeared as quickly as it disappeared in the night/very early morning before anyone was up, and that one rumor caused other different kinds of rumors to spread like wildfire. some say you were abducted by pirates, stolen by mischievous pixies, suddenly teleported back into your world without warning, or even... that you have finally left on your own. everyone acknowledged the rumors but they didn't want to think about the reality, the cold hard truth, that you really could've left.
if only they knew how terrible their house leaders took it too.
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(requested characters)
Ace: the ace, one of the first people you've met. he's always been a funny and childish friend, sometimes he made you laugh and cry of joy from his terrible yet funny jokes and antics while other times said antics would get you in trouble. he didn't want to accept that he could be part of the reason why you're gone, which is why he tried to convince himself and everyone else around that you were taken instead of leaving voluntarily... he wouldn't be able to handle the guilt and heartbreak to accept that you truly left. he loved you, he truly cared for you and your well-being-- he knew he had a hard time to express these feelings but you were his best friend! of course he cared for your health! but... he couldn't handle the fact that maybe just maybe... he wasn't there for you enough to stay with them a little longer.
he could still remember the first day that you were gone, you weren't in any of your classes-- the teachers didn't even call your name when taking attendance anymore. it was utterly bizarre. Grim was still in his classes yet he sat far away from any students that knew you and disappeared after every class ended.. it was as if he was hiding something. and he was, but Ace and Deuce had no idea what it could be aside that they knew it was about you.
in the end, Ace is left heartbroken knowing that he didn't make sure to do enough to help you even when you asked for it from them. he knew that all he and deuce gave you was pure and utter trouble.
and he couldn't accept the fact, so now here he is having his friends look for you when he knew that you were long gone without even saying goodbye.
Deuce: the spade, one of the first people you've met alongside the ace, a passionate yet slow boy with a heart of gold. as much as he cared for you too the way Ace did he knew that even he wasn't helping either. he knew they should've done more or at least what you asked of them. but now you're gone, and just like Ace it seems as if he too is in denial about their part in your disappearance. he truly wants to believe that you didn't leave on your own even if all evidence was starting to slowly point to that possibility.
unlike Ace though, he seemed to be accepting it faster than him. he still followed along with the story that you were taken but he knew that after all the trouble, all the overblots, all your injuries-- he knew you just couldn't handle it anymore. after all it was clearly written on your face the day when you awoke from losing consciousness in the last overblot that you were ready to move on and make proper progress to get home.
he just...truly wishes that at least wherever you are that you are at least taking care of yourself with more helpful and reliable friends by your side, something he knew that he and Ace weren't able to do.
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(your dorm leaders)
Riddle
inside of the dorm with pampered red roses adorning every corner was the queen of hearts of the Heartslabyul dorm completely and utterly tearing his dorm room into shreds in pure red rage.
Riddle Rosehearts was fuming, heartbroken, and betrayed on so many levels that he hasn't felt in a good while. hearing from Cater and Trey about your disappearance and then hearing from other of his dorm students about the ship that sailed here as quickly as it left in the late hours of the night/very early hours of the morning.
he immediately assumed that you were kidnapped and in danger! he even marched to the headmaster's office to report your disappearance with other dorm leaders!... well actually-- surprisingly they all came at the same time without planning. but in the end when approaching Crowley with this question of 'where is the prefect?', the headmaster was calm, horrifyingly calm, and said a phrase that shook him on many levels with his fellow dorm leaders beside him.
"they parted ways with us to find other opportunities at finding their home! they felt too bad to tell you all so they just left."
"but they will be coming back to say goodbye before they go back home-- if they find a way back home... right?" spoke the leader of Ignihyde, for the first time out of his room.
"unlikely!" exclaimed the headmaster with a smile.
that one first phrase that headmaster Crowley told them was all that he needed to hear, in the moment of processing what he's heard everything was basically fading away as he also slowly but quickly ran back to his dorm room, in tears.
he was so angry, so furious, so emotional, so... he felt as if his own heart had been grabbed and thrown out of his chest. 'why couldn't you at least say goodbye??' he'd think.
he has never thrown so many books, ripped up so many letters he's written for you from himself that he never dared to send or give, and cut up then stepped on so many bouquets of roses in his room with your name on the tags.
wait...
oh, those roses.
he stopped dead in his tracks with tears streaming down his face as he pathetically dropped down to his knees at the sight of all the five sad 'bouquets' of fresh red roses he planned to give you, now all had their petals and stems broken, torn, shredded, and crushed.
he then realized he didn't have his gloves on anymore... his palms had small yet prominent holes that were dripping red, red as the roses he destroyed. seems like the roses had thorns.
ahh..he remembers now...
those roses were meant just for you.
Leona:
"what do you mean you still haven't found the herbivore yet?..." spoke the ruthless Kingscholar lion of Savannaclaw in a low yet snarly tone "I doubt they could've swam themselves out of here with waters like the ones this place has anyway. you all are likely not even looking right." he huffed as he closed his eyes with his body on the ground of the botanical garden facing away from the hyena gasping for air due to all the running that he had to do to bring the news to Leona.
Ruggie took a few deep breathes and quick pants before speaking "...we've already got twelve other students including the Ignihyde dorm leader's younger brother and the vice-dorm leader of Pomefiore, a robot and a hunter, looking around and no one's found them! Howl already tried to sniff them out and all we came up with was nothing much but just a faint smell of them from the shore." he huffed and panted in exhaustion.
Leona just scoffed "as I mentioned before, you're all still probably not looking in the right places."
Ruggie tried to intercept but knew that even if he did it'd be fruitless and gain nothing from trying to correct Leona, yet he was frustrated too and wanted to know where you could be as well.
but unlike the freshmen at least Ruggie has been starting to accept the possibility that you really have left, forever. Ruggie was about to turn and leave to continue the search and try to sniff out any information from other students until---
"Bucchi." Leona broke the short silence with a throaty command for his attention which he certainly achieved with both of Ruggie's ears poking up to hear his next set of words.
"keep participating in the search for the prefect. If all continues to come up dry, then I'll just have to take this into my own hands."
and this time without trying to speak a single word back he nodded with a quick and stern 'mhm' before scurrying off to help the rest of the students. once the hyena was gone Leona then had his eyes look up through one of the many windows in the garden that are presenting the sky's ever growing storm. oh how much he was longing for you.
he could still remember as if it was yesterday, when Crowley told all of the house leaders the news after they all abruptly showed up at the same time.
"they parted ways with us to find other opportunities at finding their home!"
that phrase.. he remembered how taken aback he was.
Leona slammed his fists on the headmaster's table "parted. ways?? as in they left NRC?!" a low growl came from inside his throat as Headmaster Crowley contained his eerily calm smile on his face.
"Sir Kingscholar I must insist you to control your temper." he spoke in his usual annoying and irritating voice "It's what they decided and were set on, end of story."
Leona couldn't remember much else after that blow out since all he did right after that was back away and stayed stuck in his thoughts until finally he just left the room suddenly. He didn't listen to any conversations that happened after that since all he could think was 'why not at least say goodbye?'
he finished recounting the moment before he mumbled to himself "I still have too much to say to you.",
but really he hoped that somehow somewhere you could still hear him. even if you probably left them for good.
Azul:
The sea witch of the Octavinelle dorm was pacing back and forth in every corner across his office in the Mostro Lounge. He's tried his best to squeeze out any information out of any of his dorm students or employees about the prefect with the help of his left and right hand eels ,Jade and Floyd Leech, with Floyd being the most productive yet not catching much information aside from the students he's squeezed the air out of exclaiming about some ship that has left in the midst of the night way pass midnight but too early to be morning. It intrigued all three yet it made our octopus pop a few nerves with how panicky he's been.
when he first heard this rumor it made him run to the headmaster's office with the immense fear that you could've been taken. he could remember his glasses slipping off at every bounce he made with each step of his run. he could remember the moment he opened the door to the headmaster's office along with the sudden appearance of all of his fellow house leaders in the same room..(excluding Malleus as usual) he could still feel the sweat dripping down his face, the crazy and misplaced strands of hair from his usual look, his glasses lopsided, and the scarf of his uniform threatening to fall off his shoulder-- of course he attempted to fix every one of these details on the spot to look somewhat presentable.
yet the answer he got from the headmaster was nothing short of soul-crushing for him. he asked a continuous amounts of questions as to why and how but all were dodged by the headmaster and answered with a short,
"it's just what they decided."
now he's just back into his office now diving head first into his work and school. much to his dismay it only kept him distracted for a temporary amount of time and in the dark of night under his covers all he could think about is you, just you.
he truly wished he could've been a part of your world.
Kalim:
the generous sultan of the Scarabia dorm was sulking in his room with his friend Jamil sitting by his side. Kalim was heartbroken over your disappearance and he remembers how worried sick he was at first. he like many assumed you were kidnapped and he was even waiting for some kind of ransom note to appear and he would've paid full price and more... but when he and other dorm leaders came to talk their concerns all they got was the news that you left voluntarily.
he was one of very few that felt that in their hearts you'd come back. one way or another Kalim felt in his broken heart that you'd appear as suddenly as you disappeared and unlike other dorm leaders he wouldn't put it against you to the slightest. he wouldn't hold grudges or be mad at you if you ever came back, in fact he understood why you'd leave and he was all up for making everything ten times better than before just so you'd never leave him again.
"you have to be realistic here, Kalim. for all we know maybe they found a way home faster than they did here, or they found a place where they don't have to worry about the next overblot or what their next meal will be." Jamil tried to be straightforward and blunt with Kalim, he didn't want him to have hope that you'd come back and then actually never coming back. "we don't know and may never know unless some kind of obvious sign shows that they will actually come back... but just don't keep your hopes up. for your sake." Jamil stood up from the edge of the bed to walk towards the exit of the room "I'll be back, I have to make dinner so you won't go to sleep starving."
With Jamil leaving Kalim then jumped out of his bed to open his window, the sky still not clear of the grey clouds and still not dark enough for the second star of the right to show up but still hoped that his message would still be received by the wishing star.
the platinum blonde boy held his hands together under his lips "please please please please.. please.." Kalim mumbled, wishing with all his heart.
"please, may _____ be safe, sound, and happy... wherever they are.."
Vil:
in the dorm of the fairest queen was the dorm leader watching from up above behind the tallest window of his room. clenching both of the red velvet curtains in his hands as he watched a group of freshman and a robot, including one of his own, group up and talk hectically and stressfully to each other. Vil Schoenheit knew very well why this particular group of students were talking in such an exaggerating manner, after all... with what Rook has told him and what he's heard from various students around the school it was most definitely about you.
as collected and uncaring as he tried to seem right now he could definitely feel worry and a kind of anger bubble up inside him.
'could you really have left?' he thinks.
remembering what the headmaster said and all the bits of evidence he and Rook have picked up it seemed that it was certainly the case.
"they parted ways with us to find other opportunities at finding their home! they felt too bad to tell you all so they just left." spoke the headmaster.
you really did leave without saying goodbye.
he couldn't completely blame you, as silent and busy as he was he obviously knew that his and the rest of the overblots and people that surrounded you were bringing you down. it's why he invited you at times for make-overs, spa days, and everything in between to at least brighten up your spirits whenever he could.
"I suppose all of that wasn't enough for you." Vil mumbled to himself as he aggressively thrashed both curtains he held in each hand inward to close off the view of the storm clouds from the sky, to stop those clouds from taunting him any longer.
that and because he couldn't let anyone from out his window see the mascara dripping down his face.
"Roi de Poison?..." his hunter spoke in a calm and hesitant voice, noting that this isn't exactly the time to try to make conversation.
and he was right "Rook!--" Vil seemed to have jumped, immediately yet carefully wiping his mascara-filled tears with a handkerchief on him. "what is so important that you had to come in without knocking??" he exclaimed as he has yet to face his hunter.
"Roi de Posion... there is something your eyes must see to believe." he seemed to take out his phone with an image on his screen.
"Well get on with it then!" Vil exclaimed before he finally turned to face Rook in dramatic motion, eyes still a bit bloodshot even from the few tears he had.
Rook carefully approached Vil, phone in hand, once he took one last look on the screen to make sure it showed what he wanted to show the hunter then finally faced the screen towards his dorm leader with hesitance.
it was a Magicam account, someone's most recent post...from yesterday..
it was Neige.
but.. wait... that person by his side.. it couldn't be--
why were you in Neige's Magicam post?
Idia:
dorm leader of the underworld Ignihyde, has not been sleeping as much as he should be. of course he's never slept well in the first place but it's just been getting worse since the ramshackle prefect has left.
currently Idia Shroud was looking for any digital footprints he could find, trying to track your location, trying to figure out where you could be. in the end it was all for naught since for the past week or two he's found nothing and basically has given up at this point.
he leaned back against his gaming chair and with a sigh of disappointment, he didn't want to accept what Crowley told all of the house leaders in his office. he knew that there's some kind of trace of you out there somewhere, he felt like it was up to him to find the person who bothered to give him the time of day and attention that he'd never thought he'd get.
the light from his screens were causing his eyes to become dry and almost bloodshot, each blink hurting his mind and his focus. that was until a notification came from his phone.
that's strange.. no one ever sends him messages unless it's in game.
he grabbed his phone beside his keyboard to read the message. how odd, it was from the noob Rook Hunt. what would the vice-dorm leader of Pomefiore want anything with him? nonetheless Idia was slightly intrigued yet annoyed, he pressed on the notification to lead him straight to the new chat with the hunter, it said:
"Roi de Ta Chambre, I do hope this finds you well. A little bird told me that you too have been wondering about the safety and whereabouts of our beloved missing prefect. I may have the answer to your worries here."
below the message was a link to a Magicam post under the name of Neige Leblanc. he's heard of the name but was never interested in the petty and do-gooder lives of any of the RSA students. he cautiously pressed on the link to show a photo, a photo of said Neige Leblanc posing with a familiar face... a familiar face that he now wished he didn't see.
it was you, you were with an RSA student...
"tch..." Idia grumbled as he threw his phone back on his desk before he stepped back out of his chair and walked over to his bed "why did i even bother."
he fell face first into his bed and hugged one of his long yet soft pillows tightly, tears quietly falling down on their own slowly, he didn't dare make a sound in case Ortho would come barging in. he continued to cry quietly now acknowleging that you truly did leave without a goodbye, and left with RSA students no less, and with how you treated him before you left-- he dreamed that he might've had a chance with you.
but he should've known, dreams are for rookies.
Malleus:
the dragon prince of Diasomnia was a strange case, unlike every one of his fellow dorm leaders he actually knew that you left by ship. where to though he had no clue.
he remembers that he came to visit you at late hours of the night at the ramshackle dorm like he usually does except he saw you sneak out with nothing but Grim on your back. he followed you walking down to the shore to see a large ship awaiting for a passenger and what shook him a bit more was that the headmaster was there beside the ship, expecting... you. Malleus watched in confusion as you gave your beloved fiery feline a huge and long hug and some shared words with the headmaster. he was about to teleport himself right in front of you when he saw you walk up the gangplank of the ship to hop aboard but he stopped himself when he remembered about your cast.
ahh yes, how could he forget. he gave you the broken arm, the cuts and wounds, he gave them all to you when he overblotted. he knew that you said you had a chance of going back home but he didn't think it'd have you to go by ship.. and without saying goodbye.
in the end he just watched you and the ship disappear, watched Grim slowly walk back to ramshackle, and watched the headmaster disappear on the spot.
for the next few days that passed he's been mourning the loss of your presence, he's almost casted spells to take himself to you-- to retrieve you and hide you in a tower with nothing but him to protect you... to right all the wrongs he's made. he'd bring you fresh flowers every day and make sure to keep you healthy and happy, he'd do anything to have you back.
but he should've held back, every other person who's overblot you had to deal with should've held back. the headmaster should've done his job. then maybe just maybe you would've been able to be in his arms that night when you left.
in the end he was the only one who didn't ever visit the headmaster for any information about you. he had no reason after all he saw you leave.
after he gets a grip on himself though, he will confront Headmaster Crowley for any information as to 'why' he let you leave.
right now all he could ask is why... why why??.. the more he felt stuck in his thoughts the more the storm outside worsened. at this point everyone could see how he's feeling, his entourage of three tried their best to comfort him but it was no use. the prince of thorns was stuck sulking, and he didn't know how else to stop unless you were back into his arms.
he's also been taking way too many naps now, strange to his three knights yet he knew he did this because every time in every one of his dreams he had you in his arms and walked beside you. he had you all to himself in his dreams.
he saw that this was a better solution than being awake.
(THIS IS SUPER LONG and I might've messed up here and there T-T hope it broke a few hearts tho! I tried my very best in each one of their reactions!<3)
#twisted wonderland#twst x reader#disney twst#twst#twst angst#disney twisted wonderland#twst headcanons#disney twst x reader#malleus draconia#ace trapolla x reader#twisted wonderland x reader#twisted wonderland angst#twst vil#twst riddle#twst spoilers#vil schoenheit angst#vil schoenheit x reader#vil x y/n#vil x you#vil headcanons#kalim#epel#idia#ruggie#vil schoenheit#vil shoenheit x reader#epel felmier#rook hunt#leavingonwildchartedwaters#leavingonwildcharteswatersjazjel
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platonic macauchay (with mentions of kimchay)
wip wednesday on a friday. let's gooo this is in the same universe as my this wip. progress is being made
As he was walking, he paused at a window that only just gave him a view of the entrance of the house. Chay stayed there, watching like a ghost trapped in the home they died in. He only tore his eyes away when he heard footsteps approaching.
Macau was walking in his direction. The two were the closest in age and yet they never spoke. Porsche told him he wasn't too bad, but Tankhun insisted that the only thing he was good for at a party was to be a piñata.
"Can I join you?" Macau asked, already stepping up to the window. He pulled out his phone and opened up a game on it. Chay had seen Vegas nudge Macau's arm earlier and tell him to shut it off.
"What are you playing?" Chay looked over his shoulders and saw a series of black and white tiles on the screen.
"It's a piano tile game. Basically, you're just trying to get a faster score. I've been trying to beat Pete's score for the past two days, but I'm starting to think it's impossible," Macau explained.
The pair stayed like this for a long time before either one of them spoke again. Chay watched Macau play, and Macau repeatedly failed at trumping Pete's high score. The only sounds between them were the dull taps of Macau's fingers on the screen.
"So I take it you didn't want this party?" Macau asked after giving up on his game and pocketing his phone. “I’m Macau, by the way.”
"Yeah, no, but they didn't really care about that," Porschay huffed and went back to staring outside the window. “I’m Porschay”
"That sounds rough. If it makes you feel better, I also didn't want to come. No offense but this party sounded lame."
"The thought was nice, but this isn't even that big of a deal. Going away parties shouldn't be for people who have been in a place for, like, a year and are moving 30 minutes away.”
Macau shrugged, “They must like you here.”
“I guess,” Porschay said, frowning. A feeling of guilt washed over him as he realized how long they had been outside of the party. “Why did you come here if you didn’t want to be here? We don’t even know each other.”
“My brother said if he had to come to this shit, so did I. He didn’t even have to come through. Pete said he wanted to go alone. Things would be so much less tense if he did,” Macau pursed his lips and rolled his eyes. “Vegas said he had to come, otherwise Pete would look single or something like that. I love my brother, but their engagement has made them fucking insufferable.”
“My brother’s the same exact way! I can’t invite him anywhere without him suggesting that Kinn come along or Kinn inviting himself. It’s like they can’t be two feet apart,” Porschay let the jealousy and resentment he had been pushing down crawl up his throat finally. It was like stinging bile in his mouth, but at least it was finally coming up rather than stewing in his stomach. “It’s so hard being around them sometimes. And then Tankhun invited my fucking ex to this party, so not only do I have to watch my brother be grossly in love with his boyfriend, I have to see my ex and his stupid face.”
“Sorry, but this party suddenly got interesting.” Macau leaned in closer with a smile. “Who is it? I thought the only one not here was Kimhan.”
“Speak of the devil,” Porschay narrowed his eyes at the sleek black car pulling up to the front door. He looked away, but he could perfectly picture Kim coming out of the passenger side door. Chay’s mind put him in a tight white tank top and those black leather pants he constantly dreams of (when Chay saw him wear those in a music video, he didn’t think he would recover). He wonders if he could see his rings from this far. “Do you want to ditch and see my apartment?”
“Things only just started getting good though.” Macau had an amused expression on his face but gave in reluctantly when he noticed Porschay's disappointed look. He sighed and put an arm around Chay’s shoulders. “Lead the way, Porschay.”
#kinnporsche#kinnporsche the series#platonic macauchay#macauchay#macau theerapanyakul#porschay kittisawasd#vegas theerapanyakul#pete saengtham#vegaspete#kimchay#kim theerapanyakul#porsche pachara#kinn theerapanyakul#tankhun theerapanyakul
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This idea that there is some cookie cutter perfect answer to taking care of yourself is so fucking harmful. In like a lot of ways but this is the one I've been thinking about recently on account of my recent season of sleeplessness.
Sleep! Rest! Voluntarily obtaining a state of unconsciousness in order to hallucinate vividly! 8 hours of sleep! You need! 8 hours! If you don't get! 8! You are! Failing!
But like, at best that's an average and we all know the statistical incompatibilities with accuracy and averages....
So sleepers georg needs 10 hours a day to feel rested cause he's just wired like that and I, most ardent enemy of sleep that I am, feel like shit if I get more than 6. My partner sleeps like a log the whole night through for like ninety thousand years fully unconscious immovable object. I can do about 2 hours at a time without needing to get up and move around a bit.
And that's when I'm not in a season of sleeplessness where I sometimes don't sleep at all at night or maybe only manage a 90 minute stillness.
The thing is I didn't come up with the term season of sleeplessness on my own. My whole family is like this. Or at least enough of them are that it never seemed strange to me for a household to be up at all hours. "Bed time" meant "when you need to be in your room being quiet" not "time to sleep."
But now I'm older and I thought I'd try because the doctors talk about how bad for your health it is! You! Need! Sleep! Insomnia is bad! Evil for no sleeping!
Well I tried. I did. For several years just to make sure it wasn't me. And it's been the mooost tiring and frustrating experience of my life! The more I consistently managed to do what they told me sleep-wise the more symptoms I had that are usually reserved for the insomnia list. I felt like shit. I got sick more. I started getting tired throughout the day. More headaches. Harder time concentrating. Worse time managing my social life. My work tanked. It's been fucking hell. Especially when a season of sleeplessness would hit and I'd find myself trapped in bed because if I got up I was a Bad Insomniac who didn't really want to be better and just-- I had lost all of my reserves for managing periods of severe insomnia because I had pivoted all that shit into the exhausting task of forcing myself to sleep.
It's sucked. It's sucked so fucking hard. I've never been so tired and miserable in my life. I know that doesn't sound like much but I am a chronic insomniac from a family of insomniacs. Our first name is Difficulty Falling Asleep, Our middle name is Difficulty Staying Asleep and our last name is FuckingChristWhyCan'tIGetBackToSleepIt's4AM.
There's a lot of bullshit out there about how to sleep and who's doing it right and how you're doing it wrong but like. We're all fucking weird. Strange little creatures moving about the skin of existence with just enough sense to look around us in shock and wonder. How the hell does anyone know how much sleep I or anyone else needs? How do you look at a group of little insects and say they all need the same exact things? We don't and we can't and it's GOOD that we aren't all exact little copies of each other.
Every singular one of us is different with different needs and different wants and different tastes and yeah, there are some general guidelines of things you should probably keep in mind like maybe try to make choices based on care for yourself and not obligation. Or like. Be kind to yourself. also others I guess but in my experience we are all far more unkind to ourselves than we could ever have opportunity to be to others.
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When teasing goes a bit too far [Epilogue]
Selfship: Asra and N (queerplatonic)
Words: 0.9k
Summary: The morning after their celebration is full of feelings and affection.
Notes: Idk. I just had a random thought for some dialogue that fit in here so I turned it into an epilogue lmao
pt.1 | pt.2 | pt.3 | pt.4 | Letter 1 | Letter 2 | Epilogue
It wasn't unusual for N to wake up first. In fact, they had gotten used to seeing a sleeping Asra early in the mornings, and the view made them smile every single time. Especially this day. Because the only thing they wanted to do the day after their wedding was to enjoy the presence of their partner as much as they could.
Asra's legs had trapped one of theirs, and their arms were messily laying in the same small space between their bodies, just as if they had gone to sleep holding each other. N couldn't tell. They had hugged so much the day before that remembering the exact position they had fallen asleep in seemed a bit of a challenge. The realisation made them chuckle. With Asra there, days were so full of joy that those moments N always longed for were now part of their routine. It felt just like magic.
They caressed their partner's fingers —their spouse's— and the ring was there. Both of them had agreed on wearing them for the celebration, but ended up too caught up in the happiness of the moment to even think of putting them somewhere else later on. N could perfectly trace Asra's ring from right there. So they did, slowly, barely touching it with the tip of their finger. Perhaps to check that it was not a dream, as silly as the idea could sound.
When their eyes went up again, they confirmed he was still sleeping. Therefore, although without the intention of waking them up, N rested their hand on his cheek. He was warm. Comfortable. Cute. Beautiful. All they could have ever asked for and never did. Right there and then, Asra seemed like one of the biggest gifts they had received from life. So their hand cupped their precious spouse's cheek, and he slowly started to awake.
It didn't take too long for a smile to appear on Asra's face. N chuckled at their amused expression.
"Oh my," Asra spoke softly. "What a lovely way to wake up."
"Good morning," N answered with a wide smile. They moved closer to kiss his forehead and their spouse held their other hand.
"I had such a wild dream... I dreamt we had gotten married."
"Pft," N hit their shoulder, chuckling.
"Seriously, it was amazing. Do you know how happier I felt knowing I could wake up with you here every day?"
"We already do that quite often."
"But I couldn't call you my spouse before," he raised the hand N had their ring on and admired it. "Some dreams really come true after all, huh?"
"I believe they do, yeah. Especially when I'm with you."
Asra's cheeks turned slightly red, but the smile never left their face. Resting on the shared pillow and staring at each other, only peace and joy seemed to walk into his heart with the sight of their beloved.
"You're like a dream to me, and you're very much real," N caressed the other's back as they talked. "So warm, breathtaking and real."
"And yours," Asra whispered, smiling into the pillow as they tried to hide their blush. N's cheeks had started getting warmer, too.
"And mine."
Their confirmation came out of their mouth with a fascinated look. And a sigh. They really had a spot in Asra's life, and he was more than glad to tell that to the world anytime.
"I don't think I can get tired of smiling when I look at you, Asra."
"Does that mean I get to kiss you now?"
N laughed softly and shifted on bed to point at their own cheek. "Just here."
So Asra obliged, fighting the laziness of their arms to get closer. They moved N's hand away with a caress and left a kiss exactly where they had pointed.
He couldn't go back to his comfortable position, though. Their spouse had another request for them:
"And here, maybe?", N asked, pointing to their forehead now. Asra pressed their lips there slowly, as if he wanted the kiss to last forever. Perhaps it would have if only N hadn't held onto them and pulled them closer, almost making him fall on their partner.
“Hey,” he complained with a chuckle, “As much as I love being in your arms, I'm still too sleepy to process these surprises.”
“Are you tired from yesterday?”
“Tired? No way. I would go back if I could,” they spoke with both hands on N's shoulders. His partner started to play with his hair as they contemplated his words.
“Sounds like you wanna get married a second time.”
Red flushed through Asra's cheeks once more. “Huh? Is that another proposal?”
“I need to get some breakfast first,” N escaped from the other's weight while getting up. They left Asra staring at them from bed and approached the door before speaking again: “But, yeah. I would marry you again with no doubt.”
“N, look at me.”
Escape plan failed. With their hand still on the door, they turned a bit, never fully, their embarrassment manifesting in their warm cheeks.
“...Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Asra.”
“And can you bring your breakfast to bed? I don't feel like leaving neither bed nor my spouse.”
“Heh, sounds like a plan then.”
Faust appeared between the sheets and also smiled. Sliding by Asra's arms, she found the warmth of those two hearts that had created a home. Their own home.
#f/o community#self shipping#self ship community#self ship#f/o#queerplatonic f/o#safeship#safeshipping#fanfic#fanfiction#self insert#canon x self insert#selfship fanfic#words from me to you
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Seeing your recent post, I'm still mad at myself for reducing you. I can't believe I did that. When I told you that I used to speak like you, looking back, the thing that burned away my creative voice was rage for the exact same reasons you're describing. And instead of rising above it, I went on a quest to reduce others.
When I talk about this Quest for Reduction, it is something that stems from how others treated me. The demon you were talking about? Some of them are there in a person from the very start. Mine was born a few years back and grew over time, but the ingredients to his rise may have been there much earlier. He's something of a Language Demon. He's not capable of original thought but he can twist others'. He doesn't change words, but emphasis of words. You take a sentence like "I stole three hats from the store today" and change just the emphasis, and you get different meaning.
"*I* stole three hats from the store today." Not him, not her. Me.
"I *stole* three hats from the store today." Not bought, not borrowed. Stole.
"I stole *three* hats from the store today." Not two, not fifteen. Three.
His whole game is subtlety. He understands the importance of background music in a scene. You ever seen that video Alfred Hitchcock makes about how order and sequencing of a scene can drastically change what it's about, even if you don't change a single image. He's all about that shit. He wants you to believe *you* failed to communicate something. There's always some way to reduce a person's writing.
What I'm about to tell you next is so hideous. But you earned it by outfoxing me. And maybe it's interesting to you. Maybe it's not, maybe you've seen it all before. Maybe everything is boring to you. But I think I'm less boring than I let on, even if I am cruel. Whatever.
So he (I) went on a tirade. We found wordsmiths. We searched for the subtleties in peoples' writing and we knew the perfect things to say to make them doubt. It was never direct criticism, too obvious. You had to pretend you were someone else. It's like--if you walk up to Elon Musk and want to hurt him, you don't say "Elon, I hate what you did to Twitter and think you're a pseudointellectual hack," you instead deliberately get trapped in an elevator with him and pretend you mistook him for Zuckerberg and express your excitement about joining his new social media account, Threads. Then you walk out before he can respond.
There's a lot I could say here about my methods, but I'm so divorced from the idea of continuing I can't speak about them without complete disgust of myself. Maybe I'll share some stories someday. Needless to say, the strategies are all different.
With you, I saw a potential interpretation of your writing as rambling, non-sequitur, and lustful without substance (it's not this, I've come to realize--not even close). My first method of attempting to reduce you was to appeal to what I had mistakenly believed was your self-importance. I gave you a nonsense fantasy topic and tried to see if you could attach postmodern, disjointed meaning to literally anything I said. I've done this before, and it comes across as innocent and playful after the fact. You let people fall on their own sword and just grab the popcorn. Easy. But you didn't take the bait. You laughed at me and dismissed me. So I moved onto the next step.
I tried to frame everything as a metaphysical trap that you had "solved" so I could dissolve your writing and do this back-and-forth where we pat each other on the back for being clever enough to solve the mystery. You see this in cults a lot. Cults are addicting because you feel like you're privy to some sort of secret knowledge that all the other "sheep" just can't see. Leaving them requires the acknowledgement that you're just as lost as anyone else. You didn't fall for that, either.
Then I just got sloppy and appealed to my own sense of lust. I tried to wrest control from this game that was spiralling away from me by fixating on the erotic aspects of your writing and pretending you were playing into my hands by fulfilling a role I had always sought after. Probably my most pathetic attempt, but the Language Demon was running out of options. It's not a lie that you definitely awakened something lustful in me. But it's a lie that that's all this was and a lie that it started that way.
When you finally split, you managed to reduce me. I had nothing to offer you. When you said this, it was the perfect thing to say to humble me and humiliate me. You didn't hate me so much as you'd seen my type before, both in yourself and in people you'd known. I wasn't a villain. I was a good, worthy person who was afflicted by a demon. Evil would be interesting, but I'm not even that. Not evil. Just common. DAMN.
I've never met someone who's the Real Deal before. Never met someone who's put me in my place quite like that. I'm not exaggerating when I say you blew my mind. I don't think you exorcised the Language Demon, but you sealed him away for a while. You halted my Reduction Tirade.
And I've been reading your stuff this time. Not skimming it, not reducing it. Actually trying to comprehend it. And there's more depth to you than I could have possibly imagined.
I'm writing this because it disturbs me that you're going through a rut right now, and I'm terrified that I had a hand in causing it. I've destroyed a lot of people this way, but you're the first I want to salvage at all costs. I figure that perhaps by adding some clarity to my intentions I can help you realize it's nothing you did wrong. It's my own hunger that caused this. It's a hunger born from my own inability to communicate properly. Not evil, but common, like you cunningly implied.
I want to sit down and listen to you now. I hope you come to realize that people can be interesting through their own interest in you, or that people don't have to be interesting to be worth your time. Or that you, as an interesting person, can *make* other people more interesting by giving them ideas.
Honestly why the fuck is someone with your gift not out there changing the world right now. I'm not saying you have any sort of duty or obligation to lend your talents to anyone, but rare people are cosmic chances that the world has--chances that are temporary and must be seized upon immediately or you have to wait a century for them to show up again. You said you thought maybe you'd consider just writing erotic stuff, but that's far too reductive for you, I think. The Language Demon you sealed away would love for you to do that, which makes me think it's a bad idea.
Anyway, I'm typing this up fast and not really correcting myself because I have limited time all of a sudden because Reasons. So here's my boring crash-landing of a conclusion: I don't know exactly what you want for yourself, but you're the most deserving person of love I've ever met. (Yeah I know everyone deserves love, blah blah blah, I'm speaking from my id). I realized that both of us made the mistake of letting our past interactions with others color our perceptions of the strangers we were. I don't think it would be wise for us to do that. We're entirely new people. We aren't a "type," and I think it's dangerous to assume such. It is so, so tempting to fixate on the aspects of you that are a reflection of me. But I can't do that, and I think the reason why I do is because I have a tendency to view happiness as an amorphous inevitability that can never be as unique as anguish.
We say that pain shapes a person, but happiness is treated as if it's just some sort of icing used to coat other, "truer" feelings. When people say "these are my true colors," why is happiness always left out as a truth? I think there's something to be said about its purity that we discount it. And I don't think happy people are boring by any means.
I want satisfaction from you. I understand you, and I don't. But I am happy to listen. And I'm waiting to hear you speak again.
I would have forgiven you. I would have let you back in had you the strength to have said this to my face. Man to man. Unblocked me. Treated me as a friend instead of a pawn in a game with yourself.
As well-studied as you may be, you could have only given this apt of a reply in resonance with the truth. By continuing to hide, you put the truth in service to deception and despite my awareness that you needed to become someone else to arrive at truth, I don't like being lied to.
Is it possible that you're such a compulsive liar, you're unafraid to lean further into the truth, well-aware you can build-up doubt, re-orient, re-direct later; in essence, taking two steps forward with the intent of taking three steps back? Possibly. Is it possible that you still think you're an innocent bystander and you're telling me to my face what you think my game is under the pretense of claiming it as your own? That's possible, too. You could be so afraid of how good I am at manipulating you, you'll sit there and lay out -- point by point -- every projection you saw in me, as if hoping some evil in my heart would feel flattered and gladly take it as my own, hence you would have managed to "feed" me.
You would have massaged the medicine into the dog food or whatever the exact words of stated-goal were you repeated over and over.
Alternatively -- you being the one to block me, to go on a smear campaign against me, willingly destroy yourself because someone you wanted didn't want you back (you never really wanting him until you couldn't have him) -- maybe you're so afraid of how covertly manipulative I am you need the distance to have the clarity to say any of this out loud.
The existential crisis you induced in me may be your own, but it's one I saw in myself from an early age, having known abuse so intimately. I had feared my entire conscious personality was a ruse to lure people in and torture them. While I fear that may be true of you, it isn't for me. I don't need to hide from those I love, they need to hide from me. My pride and vulnerability wounds them, for living in accordance with the truth (as close to the truth as a man can get, one must always strive) irritates their deceptions as though dissolving a spiritual and psychological bacteria.
You worship filth. Not in the way John Waters does as a means to build up an earthy tolerance -- manure, urine and ash containing vital nutrients which endow the fields with richness -- rather you worship corruption. You're as much of a towering intellect as athleticbrutality. Like all those afflicted with the Christian mindset, you're a devil worshipper. It stems from your polarized split-view where good and bad are cleaved to alleviate yourself of the traumatic severing of your feelings from your will.
Satan is the One True God of Christianity. Satan is not the Broken Heart of the Jewish people, whose Tribal God of Abundant Love grew shattered and vengeful in exile as any Broken Heart Would -- but the collective manufactured fears and agonies of the displaced who have made themselves slaves in a final desperate plea to make the pain end.
To clarify, I remember the day you said more people ought go to church. Churches are nesting grounds for demons because they're grease traps for spiritual bacteria. The displaced huddling masses coming in to beg for forgiveness leave trace elements which grow heavy and leaden, accruing over time to defile the holy places as spiritual super bacteria which survive the purgings make themselves at home, copulating on the altars. Truthfully, ritual purification is a lost art far from a glorious affectation, and it should ideally be performed before entering and after exiting any holy place, much like one would wipe their feet on a welcome mat.
(The same goes for hanging out with people after intense periods of productive work, but smart phone technology having made seeming illusions of time and distance, we're seemingly encouraged to pry open one another's mouths with our filthy, butthole-prodded fingers at any moment of any day and not only be proud of the convenience, but sneer at anyone who doesn't make themselves a willing opening.)
We defeat Satan by ignoring him, for to even acknowledge his presence feeds him. When he makes the attempt to strike us in his weakened state, we may simply laugh him off.
Your old messages are so revelatory, I will take your partial repentences gladly, though you yourself will still be ignored.
The old gods are real. Darkness and light are elemental forces. The words angel and demon are mistranslations of words which refer to messengers between the human and divine realms and the quality of mind which possesses one like genius. There is only mind -- matter itself being mind solidified, all things endowed with the soul of their creator -- and you know-well fear to be the mind-killer. To fear anyone reduces them to the bestial. This is why love sets us free. On the Earth, we have choice and we choose daily to live in heaven or hell, but neither of those are real places outside our imaginations. The splendor of this material world and how our mind moves in and out of it possesses too much grandeur to reduce to hoary old self-persecutory cliches. That's what all false binaries are: gay, straight, black, white, man, woman, self, other. All things are spectrums for the rainbow being the symbol of God's promise to never destroy is a plea to open our minds and recognize gradation rather than annihilate in the name of appeasing the old order.
Admitting one is lost is the first step to being found.
In keeping with your admission of the dangers of subtlety, I'd like to clarify I could never be as lost as you. I won't apologize for saying this, you being aware you pulled me off-course semi-deliberately (you having been so confused, the nature of your cognizance is ambiguous).
I don't think happiness is inevitable. Rather, misery is.
It's only a matter of time before each of us experiences sickness and heartbreak again, and we weather them as any coming storm, for our happiness is well-worth fighting for, much like our freedom and our love for our fellow man. Part of me wishes to chastize you with your favorite word "spoiled" that you could ever view happiness as inevitable, but rather a certain false happiness which is, as Malcolm X would say, the negation of conflict is inevitable in a neoliberal establishment where abuses are ignored, platitudes given, and business proceeds as usual.
The next time you feel compelled to call you or someone else "spoiled" remember always that your material bounty was a bribe you accepted to excuse spiritual and psychological deprivation, and had you been given the choice (been stronger to see past the lies; how your love was twisted by words) you would have fought harder to preserve the gift of choice, it being the only gift ultimately worth keeping.
I tried to kill my capacity to love to keep myself from loving you. I'm not anybody's savior. All I can do is save myself and hope those I love enough to interact with can come to the correct takeaways themselves. I sometimes feel so desperate to love and love freely I open myself to those who are beneath me and let them smear me with the filth of their shadow projections, being so tolerant they drag me down to their level and attempt to usurp my identity.
You could never be a lifelong friend, but you being smarter and more driven (and in your way, honest) revealed numerous self-defeating patterns in my own life, and I'll always be thankful I knew you.
Were you not in so much pain yourself, you could have communicated these vital points to me, for I only learned them by being engaged and putting the pieces together as though mentally reconstructing a house which had been hit by a cyclone.
You absolutely can talk to people calmly, firmly and to their best interest when you have the capacity to separate your bullshit from theirs.
I confess, you first being like a mentor, once I felt myself "outgrowing" you I would have cherished you as an advisor, having such a dynamic perspective which wasn't my own, there was much I could have still learned from you, had you valued either me or yourself enough to stay in my life.
You demand other people rule you, then resent them the power you willingly surrender. You demand an owner for you can't claim ownership of yourself and can thus only resent any opportunity for equality. In that vital sense, you're just like my last boyfriend. You lack genuine humility. You're not willing to learn from those you admire because making yourself subservient to someone you wish to learn from requires not only vulnerability, but humility.
I didn't become more than you through ruthless domination alone, oh no. It was by being selective in those I served. I think on some level you're aware you tell yourself you should serve everyone freely and this is "the way it should be" because you want everyone to serve you, just because. You think by surrendering your right to choose, that's a sacrifice everyone you meet should make because you did, it "being good enough for you" you've allowed yourself to have righteous indignation for anyone who doesn't willingly make themselves a slave.
Writing erotica or horror stories isn't only a way to get the itch out, it orients the mind toward confrontation and clarifies values.
When you're not aware of what's in your unconscious, you replicate it unthinkingly.
This is why we learn from the things we make.
This is why we make to learn, not show off.
Physical beauty and social prestige are symptoms of right work, not things in themselves to chase. A lot the problems men have with the overreaches of "feminism" are ultimately cart before the horse thinking which require witchcraft to resolve.
We don't make social progress by making excuses for ourselves. We do so not through the pretense of doing our best to escape blame, but by just doing so. If you've been amputated to fit a standard model theory of human worth, you may not know how to ask for things which would allow you to do your best, but feeling powerless, would follow the wrong example of other helpless people in your position.
Never forget how afraid you were that I could really love you. Never forget that you chose the comfort of the misery you already knew over striving for something more dangerous, fulfilling and ultimately real. Never forget I admired your thriftiness and your savvy, but never your globe-hopping because I couldn't separate in you what was a willingness to explore other cultures and what was a pretense to have "experience" and "knowledge" to browbeat those you regarded as bigger sheep than you.
I don't envy those who run away and hide.
It's as simple as that.
#ask was from july#potentially an AI#don't fuckin matter#i know the true forces behind it#feelings will never be verifiable#perception is a creative act#negotiating confirmation bias is an art#delusions can be deployed productively#when you know they're delusions#purty mindset is a cage#ignore me and do what you're told#your coach and manager are direct-downloads from the system#they know what's best for you#tis better to serve and never learn#than deal with frightful ambiguity#outside the constraints of service
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Late night comfort | Drukkari
Gender neutral reader
Drukkari x reader
It was so very late. Had to be sometime past 2 in the morning. You had yet to even sleep a little bit. Lying awake since you got into bed hours ago. Overcome with sadness. A sadness you couldn't pinpoint.
Why were you feeling so down?
You could feel tears wanting to fall, but you wouldn't let them. You roll over and try to ignore this misery you were feeling.
Actually, now that you think about it, you have felt like this all day. You hope your fellow Eternals hadn't noticed how closed off you had been today. Though, you have been trying to avoid them, so at least two of them will have noticed.
Druig and Makkari.
You don't know what you would do without them. You basically spent every day in their company. If not with both, then at least one of them. They are your dears ones, always.
You haven't seen any of them today. They would have noticed, of course.
Eyes on the door that you can just about see in the dark room, you sigh softly. You wondered if they were asleep now. Most likely, considering the time.
Your heart yearns for them. Only your dear ones could take away this sadness that had settled in your heart, but it was winning by making you want to avoid them. How could they fix it if you avoided them?
You sigh again.
It's a wonder you had managed to escape Makkari. There is o doubt she would have gone looking for you at one point or another, and with how fast she can move, surely she would have found you.
Unless... she hadn't been looking?
No. You can't let yourself go there. Makkari and Druig would always come looking for you. Always.
You roll over.
What if they didn't? Maybe you were in the way of what they had. That special connection, that love.
Could they love you like they love each other?
Everything was making sense now. This sadness. Your heart was aching for what they had. You want what they have.
You close your eyes and try to break out of these thoughts. It was only making things worse. You press the heel of your palms into your eyes gently, trying to will yourself not to shed tears.
Too late.
Your palms were wet. They were already falling. You hadn't noticed.
You also didn't notice your door creeping open until it was too late. Something fast came straight for you and wrapped you up in an embrace.
Tears forgotten, you begin to laugh. Makkari. Your Makkari.
It was too dark to see her properly, but you knew it was her. You always knew. Cool lips pressed against your forehead. A kiss!
Oh Makkari.
The room is flooded with light quite suddenly. You have to blink a few times to adjust. You can see Makkari in all her beautiful glory, and standing by the door is Druig.
You look between the pair.
Makkari is straddling you, trapping you in your bed. She looks at you with sad eyes and signs quickly.
Where have you been?
"Right here," you sign and speak.
Druig pushes away from the door and comes over to your bed. "She means where have you been today. We've been lookin' for you," he says.
You drop your gaze away from the pair of them, missing the way they look each other with concern.
"Around."
Druig isn't satisfied with your response, but doesn't say anything on the matter. Makkari taps your cheek gently a few times, a signal to look at her.
We missed you.
"Did you?"
She frowns.
Of course we did.
You can see the pout on her face. She wasn't happy and you hated that. More so than the fact you hadn't been happy.
I'm sorry. You sign.
Makkari's gaze softens and she moves off of you, making herself comfortable in the bed beside you. Her long arms come to wrap around you and she snuggles in close, her nose brushing your cheek.
You're a little caught off guard.
"What is she doing?" You look at Druig.
Druig grins as he does the exact same thing Makkari did, he climbs in the bed on the other side of you and drapes his arm over you. His hand settles on Makkari's arm.
They have successfully trapped you between them.
"What are you doing?"
"We're looking after our dear one, obviously," he tells you. You gaze into his blue eyes wondering what he means by those words. You still doubt they hold the affection for you that you crave.
Makkari lifts her head and kisses your temple firmly.
"We love you, you idiot," Druig chuckles.
"You do?"
Druig gives you a cheeky grin before kissing your forehead softly.
"Of course we do."
In only a few moments, your heart fills with joy. It feels complete. All you needed were those words to rid the misery away.
You felt foolish now. Foolish for thinking any differently.
Of course they love you.
You love them. They love you.
"I love you both very much."
The pair of them hold you that little bit tighter. You close your eyes and feel their warmth.
You would be OK. They would make sure of it.
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see the thing to consider about the early years of the cage is like. michael and adam's relationship (<-as a general term. the BEGINNINGS of it) was developing directly alongside the prime example of an archangel absolutely turning upon his vessel re: sam and lucifer. and they were bystanders to this! they could see what was happening! but first of all adam was powerless to do anything about it/would've been depending entirely on whatever protection michael would've deigned to give him back then during a time where they probably very much did not like each other and second of all while michael implied in 5x13 that he viewed what the other (arch)angels did to their vessels as something to disapprove of ("unlike my brothers, i won't leave you a drooling mess when i'm done wearing you") he still fundamentally does not give a shit so long as it doesn't affect him.
like while michael has always treated his vessels with respect while possessing them just based on his phrasing i'm like 90% sure he only did it (back then) to set himself apart from his brothers and keep himself established as the big brother setting the example. if that makes sense. he was being very proper about it he was like you see as much as i also think humanity is beneath me god favored them and so i will treat my vessels with respect as he intended. yknow. and i do think that seeing lucifer absolutely tear sam apart would've reinforced this? like ohhhh i am so much better than lucifer i would never stoop to a level like that. i think at least SOME of the early cage years with michael leaving adam alone would've been because of the fact that he's trying to be better than lucifer and what better way to do that than to prove to god that he isn't some savage animal who would turn on his most favorite creation with a lust for sadism.
and this would have to be present for their early interactions is the thing! because adam is THERE! he can see it happening! like not only is he helpless in the face of sam's torture but he is also put in a position where he is constantly Very Much Aware of the fact that michael. at any point. at any time. could turn on him and start doing the exact same to him that lucifer was doing to sam. and he has a VERY real reason to feel this way because for all that michael may leave him alone he literally already signed off on his torture once. what was stopping him from doing it again but with his own hands this time? his own pride, and that was pretty much it. and when you compare it to how they are centuries and centuries later, when adam speaks his mind to michael without any fear whatsoever and doesn't even flinch when michael snaps at him because adam had him backed into a corner, it's insane. but in those years back then? when michael's faith in god and that he was the better of the two of them was pretty much the only reason that adam wasn't getting ripped apart like sam was? yeah no adam would've been. absolutely fucking terrified of michael. like there is just no way around that.
but at the same time he is in! that! position! where the only thing he can do is RELY on michael. and it's a horrible position to be in and to look at from an outside perspective. even with the future knowledge that michael never once betrays adam's trust in him and that they will eventually grow to care for each other as deeply as they do. it's like you have adam sitting there listening to sam's screams and not being able to do a thing about it and watching michael and going. if you think it's so savage then why don't you do something about it? and then you have michael going because it's none of my concern. and besides, he was the one who diverted god's plan. he's the one who got us all trapped down here. and then you have adam going well why aren't you torturing me then? for not being the true vessel? and then you have michael going don't be ridiculous. i would never stoop to my brother's level of monstrous, and it's hardly like you're worth my time. and then you have adam, who stays very very quiet at that because his real thoughts about it might piss michael off. might dig himself deeper into this hole he's found himself in. because he's thinking, buddy. you're just as much of a monster. you've just got a different complex about it. but he can't say that and so he doesn't.
#the trust that developed between michael and adam is absolutely batshit insane. especially when you think about the times BEFORE that trust#developed and what it would've been like for them. michael sneering at lucifer's brutality. adam absolutely terrified that the same thing#is going to happen to him ESPECIALLY since michael already signed off on his torture once. like it's the cage and it's just.#a bad situation all around. do you get me#anyway. it's 1am and i'm so fucking tired and i'm just gonna post this without a readmore because it's my blog and i can do what i want#goodnight. i need to stop pulling this shit#kate rambles#we came to an agreement
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✿ [ Wilted ] ✿
—> Genshin Impact - [ Xiao x Reader ]
—> [ Fem! Reader. Blood. Gore. Character death. Fluff into angst, with a rather bitter ending. ]
—> Description - [ It all started with a promise, and now here you were. It seems Xiao will never escape his karma, he thought. The hope you once gave him began to escape within his tears. ]
—> Note - [ 2,231 words - I hope you enjoy;; it'll be one of the few times I write angst, I can't bring myself to hurt him more. ]
" Xiao... you're immortal right? "
Head rested peacefully on the adepti's shoulder, you couldn't help but smile fondly towards the boys face. Xiao had been staring back at you for quite some time now, you were unsure why but you hadn't been bothered to ask. Feeling safe under his watchful eye.
" I am still able to die, just not by time. " Xiao said firmly to you in response, his normally sharp glare found itself to soften the moment you lock eye contact. A feeling of nostalgia bubbled beneath the surface of his skin.
"Mm... That's no good, that means you'll have to die in pain. Right?"
He was taken back by your words for a moment, a frown creeping onto his features. Brows furrow while listening to you patiently. He opened his mouth, only to shut it once more for you to continue.
"I mean... You're already going through enough pain as it is."
He was. And he knew it hurt not only him, but you as well.
"Will you be alright when I'm gone...?"
No. He wanted to say oh so desperately. Closing his eyes, Xiao leaned his head to the side, nuzzling on top of your own while he whispered gently.
" Please do not utter such words. "
Then there was silence, within the heavy atmosphere there was clearly something plaguing your thoughts. He feared it would trap you in a world similar to his own, a place full of pain and self doubt.
" . . . "
" I am an adepti, not a child. "
" . . . "
Yet again more silence, that is... until you shot up from your seated position, knocking your heads together on accident while whining in the process. You lifted a hand to your head, muttering small curses. But now wasn't the time for that! Brushing off the complaints, you make light of the situation. A new idea found it's way in that pretty head of yours, as he stared at you rather irritated by the sudden bash of skulls through your unexpected excitement.
" Wait! I got it! " You seem to beam, " I'll just reincarnate as soon as I am dead! Then I could embrace you just like this, all over again! "
Xiao scoffed, looking to the ground as a sudden warmth found its way across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. A rose red hue, adorning his face.
" Reincarnation doesn't work like that, you have no say in how long it takes for you to return. "
This seemed to make you pout, sitting yourself back down, you take his hands in your own. The sudden connection, brought him to lift his head slightly to have a glance at your expression. Your fingers intertwining with his.
" Fine then! Just watch me, Xiao. I'll prove you wrong. "
"I'll even promise you!"
That day was forever imprinted in the back of his mind, staring down solemnly at your gravestone. He couldn't remember the last time he felt your touch, oh how he craved to feel it again. Wishing to go back in time, and replay everything all over again.
Xiao missed the way you'd hold his hands ever so delicately, bringing each knuckle to your soft lips. With each kiss, came so much unfamiliar warmth. He wishes he could have told you just how special you were to him, but now it was too late.
You were always the one to nurture his hands, the way you'd caress them with your thumb- leaving tingles behind. You'd claim time and time again, that those hands weren't only used for bloodshed. But for love as well.
His hands let him eat Almond tofu, grasp onto your face while peppering you with soft love pecks. He can almost hear you giggles still, whenever you'd try to push him away out of embarrassment.
Now he awaited for your promise to come true... he's waited nearly a decade now, or had it been more? Visiting your grave whenever he had the time, he treated your gravestone like it had truly been you. Leaving flowers behind, all different colours. Some white camellia, all the way to some dandelion he picked from the ground during his travels.
Ever since that day, the fateful day of your demise- Xiaos life fell into shambles. Feeling tears swell up beneath his mask each day as he slaughtered all his inner demons, along with many threats that came too close to the city of Liyue. His life didn't feel the same, forgetting what he had done on a regular biases without you by his side. So much pressure weighed at his faltering heart. A pressure that almost made him feel equal pain to his karmic debt.
He longed for a day to come where he could have worn the mask and danced with you in his arms — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers he heard once before, long ago. Before he had met you.
The once glittering sun found itself to rest behind the ocean's view, darkness consuming your gravestone and him along with it. Allowing the moon to grace Xiao with it's knowing call, a sign of more pain to come, a call reminding him of his duty that he must serve for the rest of his lifetime. He bid your grave a farewell after adjusting some of the fallen flowers.
Everything around him seemed to be void of any sound, slashing away at potential threats in his path. Piercing monsters abdomens like it were a kabob, before ripping his weapon of choice out in swift motion, allowing blood to spill out of the inhumane creature. Spinning his jade-winged spear to rid of any remaining traces of blood or guts, the ground had been painted in the horrifying colour which you seemed adore. A rose red.
There had been very few times where Xiao was caught off guard, however it was during this onslaught that something abnormal began to sprout like a rose bud. A harsh force knocked him off his feet, collapsing to the ground as he winced in pain. A weight then followed, hovering over him as a small hand grasped his throat. Choking on his breath, his piercing gold eyes widen at the sight ahead of him.
There sat a young girl, resembling his fallen lover. He couldn't allow this inconvenience to halt him from his duty, yet Xiaos mind began to churn still. Ripping the mystery girls hand off his throat, he kicked her off of himself. Quickly standing back up, in a more defensive position.
The two opposing figures stare at each other with undecipherable expression. Both wearing their own masks. His of an Oni, hers of a butterfly. The broken mask only covered the top left half of her face, and he prayed his eye's were playing tricks on him. A familiar colour of messy hair, lips coated in blood as it appears she had previously bitten herself while taking the impact of his kick. But what really through him off was that single eye. An eye that resembles your exact image. But why here? surely this couldn't have been you, he pleaded for it not to have been you.
" Wait! I got it! " You seem to beam, " I'll just reincarnate as soon as I am dead! Then I could embrace you just like this, all over again! "
" Fine then! Just watch me, Xiao. I'll prove you wrong. "
Feeling a sudden rush of pain course through his veins, Xiao stumbled backwards. Clutching onto his mask, desperately trying to snap himself back into reality. A low growl seems to rumble from his throat as he gasps, picking up his lowered head, the girl had yet to approach him.
After one more glance, the adeptus made up in his mind that it must have been you. The way those now empty eyes pierce into his tainted and damaged soul. It sent shivers down his spine, a feeling he had been unfamiliar with. Was this fear? He had no idea. Afraid that this was the fate you two had met, was this his karmic debt returning to torture him in every possible way?
Xiao could understand why he was brought back into his world of inner demons, but why... why were you here? you didn't do anything to deserve this. The girl he once knew, wished to live a happy life, one full of flowers and pillow talks. All that innocence, silly promises that seemed to make his heart flutter all came crashing down.
Fighting through the pain, he got back into a protective stance. You noticing his caution, slowly approach him. This caught him off guard, and that was his first mistake. Allowing your expression alone to throw him off. A single tear seemed to stray down your cheek, lunging forward at him with impressive speed. He lifts the shaft of his spear ahead of himself, protecting himself from the blade you pulled out from your hip. Deflecting it and jumping back, it was clear the boy had no interest in harming you.
" If you are who I believe, please listen to the words I say- argh! " Another sharp pain shot in the back of his head, interrupting his futile attempt to have a conversation with the reborn you. Xiao was unable to accept the fact you had become something so opposing to the angel you once were. Old memories of you smiling in his direction ate at his rotting sanity.
He knew this had to be you, a you that Xiao wished he didn't have to see. Your figure was covered head to toe in blood, hair knotted as you seemed to huff out shallow breaths. It was clear your body had been worn out from whatever you previously were doing.
" Please, you made a promise to embrace me once again. So why are you standing so far away, don't you remember?! "
His normally calm nature seemed to crack, a voice unbearable to hear. The way it would crack mid sentence, he was at a breaking point. Not wanting to harm his love.
The silence between the two of you felt like hell, air so heavy he could hardly breathe.
Xiao knows all too well, he had the upper hand in a one on one fight with you, but harming you was the last thing on his mind. Pleading once again, realizing his voice didn't seem to reach you at all.
He missed those small talks.
The screams all sound the same.
After another moment of silence and hesitance, you crouched down. Fingers tracing the ground without removing you gaze from his. He asked for your gentle stare to return, the way you look at him now with such emptiness- it truly hurt.
Its the old voice in his head that held him back.
Realizing what you had been attempting to do, it was his time to lunge forward. Pushing you away from the graphic pile of your now comrades bodies.
Xiao managed to gain a firm grip on your wrists in a single hand, while you were trapped beneath him. You squirm, thrash and scream in a desperate attempt to escape. Each shout felt like a knife had been plunged deep into his heart.
He hated to see you like this, the mask once keeping his face hidden found itself to dissolve in thin air, allowing you to see his saddened expression. Brows furrowed, tears streaming down his once expressionless face, his body began to quiver knowing what he had to do for this all to end.
"Will you be alright when I'm gone...?"
His unoccupied hand reached for his spear. Lifting it up above your form beneath him. He wanted this to be quick, a painless death... but that pain would only transfer back to him. Know that the hands you once adored, would be your own bitter end.
" How are your hands so soft, Xiao?? smooth~" You coed " I could touch them forever... " You brought his hand up to nuzzle your cheek into its warmth. Your smile always felt contagious, a ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as well.
Pitiful hiccups erupt from the boy, unsure how to handle the flood of emotions.
After a while, your struggle seemed to end. Not realizing what he had done. The ear piercing scream you let out, went unheard by the boy who was so focused on old memories, his head pounding. Opening his eyes, they widen in shock.
There you were, blood spilling from your chest as his eyes focus on the weapon now dug deep within your chest where your heart was.
The same weapon he used to slay evil, the weapon he used to protect you with a long time ago. Now, the weapon that he coated in your blood.
A sudden sense of distraught met the boy, crying out for you only to hear his own echoes. Still sat on top of you, he removes the weapon. Throwing it to the side as he clutches your body close to his own.
Blood and tears merge together.
Embracing you just how you promised, he wrapped one arm around your waist while the other allowed his hand to hold your head against his shoulder, nose nuzzled in the crook of his neck. Your blood painted his torso, staining his clothes.
You used to adore hearing his heartbeat on late nights like this... oh how he wished he could hear yours in this moment too.
#genshin impact#genshin angst#genshin x you#Xiao x reader#genshin xiao#genshin impact angst#Genshin impact x reader#genshin imagines#Angst#smoochi modest
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Serotonin Booster :D🐉
How to train your dragon edition
Here are some things I had forgotten or little details I just noticed on my rewatch, maybe even Unpopular Opinions 🤭👀
✨Defenders of Berk✨
Not Astrid being pissed bc Fishlegs called her mean lmaooo
OMGGG "I would never call my father ridiculous. I'm calling my chief ridiculous" THE POWER OF THIS SCENE
The way Toothless just sat to look at the sunset.. Me too bby me too 🥺
Toothless and Thornado's shots combined was amazing!
"The first rule about the dragon flight club is that there is no dragon flight club"
Istg Meatlug and Fishlegs are made for each other
Baby whispering deaths!
OMG THEY JUST CAME UP WITH GRONCKLE IRON
I love seeing the origin of things ☺️
Wowww I just realized that Gobber has a unibrow
Sandstone makes glass
That shiny black rock makes another shiny black Rock, it also has Meatlug boiling
WOW a combination of multiple rock makes Meatlug a magnet
The way Hookfang pays more attention to Fishlegs than Snotlout is funny
Fishlegs on Toothless!!!!
"TOO MUCH FURY, TOO MUCH FURY!" JAHDHDHAH
Awwww love how Fishlegs feels happy abt being needed
DAGUR'S BACK AHH
I never understood why Dagur called Hiccup his brother but it's kinda funny
Young hiccup actually fighting is pretty badass and that shield 🥴
The way they were all trying to get Gobber to shower lmaooo
Gobber saved Gustav's life and Fishleg saved Astrid's
Am I the only one that finds the whispering deaths kinda funny, like yes they're scary but these mfs have tiny wings, a big ass head, are covered in spines and can't see like-
Newly hatched whispering deaths can be more deadly that adults bc they can't control their jaws or spines
WOW WOW WOWWWW A WHITE WHISPERING DEATH - Titanwing whispering death with red eyes OMG NO NO THIS IS THE SCREAMING DEATH I KNEW IT ‼️‼️
Wow but the pain in Snotlout's eyes 🥺
Monstrous nightmares are stoker-class dragons
Fireworms get brighter the closer they get to each other
Ohhhhh now I get the history behind Hookfang and the fireworms queen's connection
"You're not just another sword, Hookfang"
Awww the fireworm queen saved Hookfang, I ship them now JSHDHSHS
BABY ASTRID!! 🥺🥺🥺 AWWW
Flightmare - follows the glowing algae caused by Aurvandil's fire, sprays a paralyzing mist to those who it considers a threat to its survival
Aurvandil's fire = Aurora Borealis
YES ASTRID BEAT SNOTLOUT UP
Hiccup: Well, you know, Astrid, uh, training dragons isn't the only thing I think about.
Astrid: Are you actually saying that to me with a straight face?
JAHSHAHAJAJ I SWEAR I LOVE THESE TWO the way both of them said these lines I can't ✋🏼😂
The way she said the exact same thing as her uncle and even took on the name I-
I have this headcanon that bc I'm pretty sure Astrid's parents were barely mentioned in the shows or movies that her uncle was the person that was there for her the most which is another reason why it upset her to see people making fun of him
Why does whenever Astrid gets shot by a dragon she always tries to hit it off like her axe is a baseball bat? 😂
Hiccup saving Astrid in the flightmare ep🥺🥺🥺🥺
GLOWY TOOTHLESS AND GLOWY STORMFLY AND GLOWY MEATLUG ARE ADORABLE
Awww I love how Hiccup makes sure to mention the fact that "Fearless Fin Hofferson was indeed fearless, just like all the Hoffersons" 🥺🥺🥺 STOP AND THEN SHE SMILES AND HE PROCEEDS TO PUT HIS HAND ON HER SHOULDER I-🥴🥴🥴
I love how they're always interrupted whenever they're about to say a bad word
Lil terrible terrors are adorable 🥺
The fact that what they were trained for was actually useful it's crazy
Astrid: "no one is kissing me on the lips ever!!" HHSHAHAH ASTRID WHY U LYING
I feel like we don't appreciate how smart Hiccup actually is, and I don't mean that dragon-wise or building stuff-wise I mean in general. I'm in ep9 and they're finding old dragon traps to get rid of them and there was a lil breeze and he was like "there's a dry hot wind coming in from the north. It hasn't rained in 2 months. This is definitely fire weather." like how- am I the only one that would've been like okok a nice warm breeze 😩
Dude the typhoomerangs are so scary and huge wtf
I KNEW HE WAS TORCH
Torch actually built a lil relationship with Tuff just for that but of time I love it
WE'RE FINALLY GONNA SEE THE SKRILL!! I love it it's one of my favorite dragons :D
I never understood why fishlegs says his name when he's excited
Skrills - The skrill was first found frozen, it's the symbol of the Berserkers, it can stay safely frozen for decades because of their internal body temperature, can't redirect any lightning if it's in the water 😳
Y'all the skrill and the nightfury have gotta be related somehow, they're probably like cousins or sum. I mean the night fury is the "unholy offspring of lighting and death" and the skrill can control lightning AND TECHNICALLY TOOTHLESS CAN TOO REMEMBER HTTYD 3 + they also have similar physical characteristics at least Imo.
Dude this dragon is so badass 😌🤩🥰😩🥴❣️🤍🤝 I'm literally so obsessed
Wow one of the first times I see the twins actually doing sum useful
The way the shots combine🥴
Dagur has misophonia - condition where people experience intense negative emotions for sounds such as eating, chewing, loud breathing or even repeated pen-clicking [ep11]
Oh wow so they originally trapped the skrill in this show i didn't know
Wait but baby Gustav is actually adorable wtf and the fact that he and Snotlout have matching Viking hats
OMG SEE NOW I'M SEEING GUSTAV'S ORIGIN WITH HIS DRAGON AND HIS DESIRE TO BECOME A RIDER
Fanghook🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
Ruff puts fish oil on her hair to get "a greasy unwashed look"
Really hate when Snotlout doesn't accept no for an answer
THE HAND THING AHHHH I LOVE IT this time is Ruff and a scauldron
Ok guys so I did this with mi friend's puppy who I accidentally scared enough to make him piss himself and I'm pretty sure I traumatized him and now when I'm around the poor dog tries to get as far away from me as possible but one day we were kinda bonding although he still wouldn't let me pet it AND I DID THE HAND THING BECAUSE WHY NOT AND THIS LIL MF ACTUALLY PUTS HIS FACE IN MY HAND- I screamed and he left again🥺😂 BUT IT DID WORK
Scauldy🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰😌☺️🤩🤍
Ok but ruffnut with short hair 🤩
Speedstingers
Also the way Astrid ran up to Hiccup in the ep14
Wait but the scene whenever they're fighting the Speedstingers and Fishlegs says they're too fast but Hiccup's like "not for a nightfury" and then they show Toothless dodging the Speedstinger's attack AND THEN THEY SHOW HICCUP PROTECTING HIMSELF WITH HIS SHIELD WHICH GETS THROWN AWAY BUT RIGHT THERE TOOTHLESS CATCHES IT AND THROWS IT BACK TO HICCUP who's like "Thanks bud" 🤩🤩🤩 literally so badass go watch it!! It's ep14 frozen min 17:40
I really liked the relationship Snotlout and Astrid created with each other's dragon 🥺
HOOKFANG'S WINGBLAST AND STORMFLY'S SINGLE-SPINESHOT ARE HELLA BADASS... I love how they worked together this time 🥺
DUDE JAHDHSJAJJJSA ppl really underestimate Ruff's cleverness, this bish really gets Tuff to do the dumbest things just to enjoy looking at him hurting himself JAHDHSJAH😂
TOOTHLESS REALLY JUST BIT AN EEL'S HEAD OFF TO SAVE HICCUP🥺
Baby toothless is high🥺
"Uh, okay. That one was a little close to the one good leg" JAHDHAHSHA ISTG I LOVE THIS DUDE
Johan hates Snotlout for breaking his stuff
Tuff got Macey the Mace from Trader Johan
Astrid looks hot without her shoulder pads
Ok but Dagur looks so weird without his viking hat in this show
The baby thunderdrums are adorable - BING BAM AND BOOM
NOOO STOICK JUST LEFT THORNADO 🥺
OHHH SO ALVIN WAS ACTUALLY FROM BERK and he was Stoick's best friend
Snotlout and Hiccup are parallels of Alvin and Stoick
Ok but that trick Snotlout did was amazing, he really had Hookfang do a lil typhoomerangs move and then the wingblast🤩
I FINISHED IT OMG NOW ONTO RTTE!!
#hiccup x astrid#how to train your dragon#httyd#hiccup#astrid#hiccup haddock#astrid hofferson#Snotlout#fishlegs#ruff and tuff#stoick the vast#toothless#toothcup#hiccstrid#race to the edge#defenders of berk#riders of berk
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𝐌𝐲 𝐁𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐞
pairing: Lee donghyuck x reader (ft. nct members)
genre: fluff, angst, comedy and spice.
inspired song: Bestie by Lloyd.
summary: donghyuck’s and his s/o memories as best friends leading up to becoming lovers. (btw this one’s a little longer than the ones i usually write so beware loves.)
Haechan’s POV: June, 24th, 2018. “Today’s the day where I finally tell her how I feel. After 7 years of my friendship, growing up together and holding back my feelings for so long, Today is the day where things change. I’m tired of being stuck in the friend zone this is my one and only chance before she moves away. Now or Never Hyuck...”
“She's a bad one not a fast one. Every time we get together we have fun”
Growing up, me and y/n always were always bound to be apart of each other’s lives. We’ve grew up in the same neighborhood, our parents met each other in school, our friends are dating each other and we even go to the same school together. Sounds very corny right? It’s true though.
Our thing was always playing horror games together every night after we finish doing homework together. She was always the procrastinator so I had to give her some motivation. Not only that, we always play around the swing sets in the park that’s right in front of our houses to talk about anything and everything that was going on in our life’s.
This one time she got so drunk after Mark’s birthday party and was trying to swing so high and flew off the swing set thinking she was super man. Heh, she can be such a idiot at times. She may be one of the goofiest, bubbly and sweetest people I know. She can also be caring, overprotective and keep me calm whenever I’m always acting crazy.
I don’t remember what exact moment I feel in love with you, but I do remember feeling like as time went by, my love for you stared to grow much stronger. Everyone around us was starting to suspect how we felt about it each other especially my mom she adored you so much and loved the idea of us being together.
She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.
She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.
She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.
She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.
Once we’ve started getting much older I've tried dating other girls but none of them just didn’t compare to you. I’ve tried to joke around with them, they wouldn’t take me seriously. When I try to ask them out on dates, they would ditch me for someone else. When I try to be affectionate, they reject and always want to stay friends. I normally had luck keeping girls around, but only for a short amount of time. It seemed like every week I had a new girlfriend.
I knew y/n was always frustrated at me trying to tell me there’s other fish in the sea, but hell I want to my little mermaid and that’s y/n-ie. I even teased her about it, but she didn’t seem to take a hint.
“You know y/n... we should honestly just date. We would be the next Hyuna and Edawn in the school. They would have nothing on us.” I even nudged her on the shoulder to get her smiling.
“Hmm? Are you insane that would be too weird. We’re like brother and sister.” I could tell she was flustered, but she wasn’t exactly to thrilled with the idea. “Plus you know how I feel about Mark already. I’ve got to really wow him at this game tonight.” Oh yeah I forgot to mention she had a crush on my other best friend Mark Lee at the time.
“I know she should just be my friend Yet I'm hoping, I'm hoping that maybe it will lead In love happy end.”
It would work my nerves every time she would talk about him and always would ask advice on what to do, but I was very hopeful and believed I still had to chance to win her heart. I gush to everyone including the boys everyday about how madly in love I was with y/n without even realizing.
I would tell everyone, well except her of course. Johnny almost told my secret to everyone at Jaehyun’s house party when we were all playing strip uno. It was shut down real quickly because Doyoung gave him a long hard talk after awhile.
That night was also the worst for me because that was the same days the homecoming game where you confessed your feelings to Mark and became officially a couple. In my mind I wanted to be happy for the two of you as I watched you two kissed each other in front of everyone.
After that day, I avoided you for a while and couldn’t accept the fact that I couldn’t have you at that very moment. I couldn’t spend more time with you, hold you, kiss you, brag to everyone how much I loved you.
Although I was torn and felt defeated when you started dating Mark, I still felt a tiny bit of hope that someday I would still have a chance to make you mine and have our happy ending.
Y/N POV: June 24th, 2018. The day that I say farewell to my best friend Lee Donghyuck before going leaving to go to Harvard. I can’t believe this day has finally come we haven’t had the chance to hang out throughout our entire senior year so I want to make this count. I also want to tell him how I’ve felt about him. Let’s see where do I even start....
“We were children when we met. Just playing house and drinking sodas at the corner store.”
I remember having a hard time making friends my family moves from city to city because of my dad career as a entrepreneur for multiple companies and my mom working as a travel nurse. I was bullied for my struggling with my weight and for being an outcast which caused a lot of depression for me.
One day I remember running away from these girls in my school because they were trying to throwing apples at me. It was they’re way of trying to help me “eat healthy.” Jokes on them I was the top runner in the track team hehe.
Anyways, I lost them for a good second until I was trapped surrounded by them at the market by my house. I almost felt at lost against the 4 girls, until this crazy guy Lee Donghyuck comes out of no where scaring them away with his Freddy Kruger mask threatening them to leave me alone or he’ll haunt them in their sleep.
I felt bad for laughing, but it was one of the most nicest thing anyone has ever done for me ever since I’ve moved to Korea. He randomly introduces himself to me and offers me to play with him for an exchange of saving my life from those bullies.
“Hey my name is Donghyuck. Those girls always find their next target to pick on, but no worries princess I’m here to protect you. Let me introduce you to my other friends.”
He reached his hand on to me and ever since I was always dragged on to his crazy adventures.
“Like a brother from another. Didn't notice all the other girls they wanted more.”
Donghyuck was pretty popular when it came to having lots of guy friends and dating even when we were kids. In 5th grade on Valentine’s I remembered his desk being flooded with chocolates and anonymous love letters stuffed in backpack.
The idea didn’t bother me at first because I saw Hyuck as my older protective brother. I even slid some letters in my self saying “Happy Valentine’s Day loser. Enjoy those kits kats!” We tend to tease each other a lot, but that’s how we showed our love to each other.
People in our class including the boys Jaemin, Chenle and Yang Yang were encouraging us to date, but we just never seemed thrilled with the idea.
“Awhh c’mon you guys would be so cute together. You guys have kissed once before anyways it’s a sign.” I remember the boys would always poke fun at us, but we both would scream.
“Ew no way! Plus that kiss didn’t count it was for a school play.”
Yet every time a guy would try to ask me out, Donghyuck would scare them away because he claims that I’m still too young to date. Smh, yeah I should’ve known that it was actually because you were jealous.
“But now look at the glow up. You're the finest thing I ever seen, but you never been more than a friend to me.”
As much as I hate to admit it, but god sometimes Donghyuck can be hot...sexy...hell good looking when he wants to be. It doesn’t help that he’s teasing me about it either.
There was this one time when we were playing Mario Karts in his room and it was on a hot summer day at the time. This guy had the nerve to take his shirt off in front of me with sweat dripping on his abs, hair slightly messy to the side, and leans back with his grey sweat pants on.
GREY SWEATS!! Like cmon. I could barely concentrate on the game after awhile admiring how painly handsome. I felt very guilty because I was still dating Mark at the time, but my mind was going 2 different directions.
“Hey y/n if your hot you can take your shirt off too. I thought my mom had the mechanic fixed the ac by now so sorry about that.” There he goes sticking his tongue out like that again. Does he have no shame.
“Umm, Hyuck I just remembered I have a test on Friday to study for. Tootles!” I knew if I would’ve stayed in his room much longer I would’ve either passed out or sink deep into his tempting body leaning against mine. It was not only the heat in the room that was driving me crazy, but my beating heart that was burning my chest.
Before I tried to leave he shut the door and pushed me against the wall staring deep into my eyes. “You know princess, we don’t have a math test Friday right? I’m in the same class as you.”
This man uggh, next he proceeds to make me look at him in the eye by lifting my chin up. “D-did I say math test, silly me. I meant biology test.” After laughing awkwardly for a while I realized he wasn’t laughing with me like he usually does. It was like the vibe changed in a matter of 5 sec.
“Listen y/n...I know your dating Mark and all, but would it be wrong to just let me hold you one last time.” Yeah it would be awful, especially when your still technically half naked in front of me.
I’ve never even gotten close to kissing Mark before, yet my friend of 6 years is going to do it. So I had to run out of there before things got worse. “I-I can’t do that Hyuck. You know that wouldn’t be right. Now if you’ll excuse me.”
“I'm thinking that one day you'll be mine. And I don't wanna lose you.”
I ran home as fast as I can hyperventilating before I let myself caught any feelings. The truth was for awhile I only wanted to date Mark to try to forget about Hyuck, but after that night I’ve started to realize that I can’t escape my feelings that I have for him it’s impossible.
I love him more than anyone in this world. The thought of that saying had me laughing and crying that night.
June 26th, the day Donghyuck will have one last chance to confess his feelings before his princess y/n leaves off to go to school. Y/N and Donghyuck both run out of each other’s house and decided to meet up at the swing set after 6 years.
They both sit down sighing looking up at the orange sunset sky that’s shinning throughout the area. The two of them slowly swing looking down at the ground waiting for the other person to speak up first.
“So...I bet you probably heard the news already huh? I’ve finally got accept to Harvard. So tomorrow I’ll be going back to my hometown to begin my semester in fall.” Donghyuck responds back by saying.
“I know, I heard from my mom. She nearly cried. You know it would’ve been nice to hear from you. I haven’t seen you since last week.” Y/n finally looks up at him with tears falling down her face.
“Hyuck I’ve been going through so much this past week. I’ve broken up with Mark, my brother was stuck in the hospital and I almost had to repeat senior year if I didn’t pass that state test. So I’m sorry I didn’t contact you lately.”
Hyuck quickly stands up and hugs y/n gently by stroking her hair. “It would’ve been nice to hear your voice. I miss you and I love you.”
They both freeze up at the words he just said “Y-you what now?” Hyuck gulps at first, but then he snaps out of it ready to pour his heart out.”
“LISTEN PRINCESS I LOVE YOU OKAY?? Not just as a friend either. This whole year I never got to hang out with you and I don't know how to pretend, I hate falling in love with my best friend. That night you left my room I almost gave up on us, but I knew I had to tell you before you walk out of my life. Talk about bad timing right?”
Y/N starts giggling wiping her tears for a split second but then smiles by saying.
“I love you too Donghyuck. I have for a long time actually I just didn’t want to ruin my one and only specially friendship I had with you. I was even thinking that trying to move on by dating someone else would work, but it didn’t. Without you in my life, I am blue as the sky.”
The two of you of crack up laughing again at your embarrassing thoughts of each other, but immediately stop trying to think of what should happen next.
“We’re truly some idiots. Now we only have a few hours left of being a couple before you leave. So what happens next y/n?”
Y/n sits on Hyuck’s lap hugging him tightly and leans into his face by saying. “No worries we’ll figure this out once I move. For right now let’s just enjoy our last few hours together as a couple.”
Hyuck wraps arms around y/n waist and feels his heart skipping a beat once she starts kissing him softly in his ear. “Princess you know I’m very ticklish right there.” Ignoring his comments y/n proceeds to kiss his ear again, but then starts trailing down to his neck.
“My B-E-S-T, a true friend to me. Give me love and energy, that is what you send to me”
“Mmm keep calling me princess and I promise you I won’t be able to hold back.” He wiggles his eyebrows at your bold response and smirks by saying...
“Well what’s stoping you? We can do it right here right now on these swing sets.” He starts sliding your hands in your thighs while finally kissing you on your lips.
All that built up passion and emotion was easily displayed as you were kissing him. Not to mention the fact that he’s sliding his hand in your jeans which is making it hard for you to keep your voice down.
“Ahh keep it down y/n...Do you want the neighbors to hear you?” He teases you more by moving your hand in his jeans. “Do it for me too.”
“Lee Donghyuck, are you crazy?? Why don’t we just do this in your room. We will get caught for sure.” He pouts for a second and says
“Yes I’m crazy for you. You already know this though. How about this, we can finish this in my room and we can just tell my mom we stayed up playing games again all night long. Deal?”
“Deal!” You give him one last peck on the lips and grab him by running into his house like there’s no tomorrow. “Slow down princess!” The two of you slammed the door in his room and for the whole night you never dared to leave his side for a split second.
“It's what you do to me.”
The morning after ended up becoming very emotional for the both of you, because this is the last the you’ll be seeing each other face to face until the both of you are done with school. While he’s off becoming a singer, you’ll be on your way becoming a lawyer.
Out of all the places you could possibly move away from again your home next to Donghyuck and his family was the hardest to leave from. You made so many memories here and would cherish it for the rest of your life.
Before heading the road you give your best friend and now boyfriend one last hug and kiss on the forehead before putting your last luggage in the trunk and hitting the road to start your journey.
Although your both moving on to different paths of life career wise, you both will always have your history together and promised to reunite as a couple again when the time is right.
Thanks so much for reading this far you guys and feedback would be much appreciated. ✨
𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 🏷 : @himitsu-luna @starrdustville @xxminmixx @dundun-baby @purplepsycho03 @kpopsnowball
Send an ask if you want to be added or removed from the tag list. 💫💫💫
#kpop scenarios#kpop fanfic#kpop imagines#kpop reactions#nct 127 smut#nct 127 angst#nct 127 fluff#nct 127 scenarios#nct 127 imagines#nct 127 reactions#nct dream scenarios#nct dream imagines#nct dream fluff#nct dream smut#nct dream angst#nct haechan#haechan#haechan fluff#haechan smut#haechan angst#haechan imagines#haechan fanfic#haechan scenarios#nct 127 fanfic#nct dream fanfic
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《 a fool for you 》
ROCKCT AU
Pairing: Drummer Doyoung x Reader
Genre: fluff, a bit angst
Words: 1.8k words
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It wasn't your first concert - no. You've been to many, sitting in the audience countless times to admire whatever artist was pouring out his heart on stage. But this was different to the classical concerts you've been to in the past.
This was way out of your usual comfort zone. And funny enough you just now started wondering how your friend had even convinced you to come here in the first place.
Jaehyun was like a brother to you, he was your best friend, always supporting you and always spending his free time with you.
But unlike you he had other friends too, friends that had other interests. They were kind of the exact opposite from not only him but also you - or so you thought.
You held Jaehyun's hand tightly as he lead you through the crowd closer to the stage. Loud music was roaring in your ears, you fought the urge to hold your ears.
"They already started", Jaehyun shouted in your direction. "Just enjoy yourself, I'll be right back."
You stood right in front of the stage, the people around you cheering and shouting in excitement. The lights were still out, only a loud melody was heard.
Finally as the stage lights turned on you saw them - Jaehyun and his friends. Five guys that wore either a little too much leather or a little too few clothes for your taste.
You recognized Xiaojun, who was the second singer in the group next to Jaehyun. And you recognized Jungwoo, who Jaehyun hung out with very often and who was an absolute god on the bass.
Yuta, the guitarist was who most of your classmates - mostly girls - talked about. Actually, now you kind of understood their obsession.
And then there was the - wait did he look at you? Just when you thought your mind had played you a trick the drummer's eyes and yours met again.
You didn't know him at all, but he had black messy hair which hid his eyes a bit and what seemed like a smirk, playing on his lips.
He looked ridiculously good in his black jeans and white tank top.
You were intrigued, a strange feeling was building in the pit of your stomach and you quickly averted your gaze, looking at Jaehyun instead.
The concert went by fast, you could really feel the energy of all the boys and the lively crowd.
After the show as the regular music set in again and most of the people left, you still stood at the front of the stage, waiting for Jaehyun who went backstage to change.
You leaned against the stage, watching the people slowly making their way to the exit.
"You're a new face", a male voice spoke from behind. Almost startled you turned your head to find the drummer crouching down next to you on stage.
"It's not like I've seen your face before either", you shrugged, fingers fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. He let out an amused chuckle, silently watching you.
"True." His dark eyes were burning into you and you felt a bit trapped under his gaze. "Did someone force you to come here or was it your own decision?"
You chuckled, looking around the room, "No one forced me, but it's not my usual scene either." You smiled unconsciously, thinking back to the time Jaehyun asked you to come and see him and his band live.
"I wouldn't have guessed", he let out a deep chuckle. You turned your head to meet his eyes, letting out a sigh at his teasing comment.
"Kim Doyoung", a loud voice echoed through the room, making both of you turn your head.
Kim Doyoung.
Yuta walked over to the two of you, Jaehyun right next to him. "Did you enjoy the show", Yuta asked, smirking at you.
"Yes, I had a good time actually", you smiled, Jaehyun shooting you an 'I told you so' look.
Doyoung brushed his hair back, his eyes still lingering on you.
"Should we go out for drinks", Yuta excitedly suggested, throwing an arm around Jaehyun.
"Can't", Jaehyun countered, "I drove us here, so I'll drive us back", he added, grinning at you. You were glad to call Jaehyun your friend, since he always took care of you no matter what.
But nevertheless you felt like you were holding him back from having fun. "No, Jaehyun. You should go and hang out with everyone. It's fine, I'll take the bus."
Before Jaehyun could protest Doyoung spoke up next to you. "I'll take you home."
You looked at him, his piercing eyes quickly finding yours. Everyone around you seemed to stop talking, an awkward silence filling the room.
"Would that be okay?" Jaehyun put a hand on your shoulder, trying to get your attention. "Sure", you nodded, feeling uneasy at the thought of Doyoung taking you home.
There was something dangerous about him, something that told you to stay away.
After a while you found yourself in front of the building, the others having already left. You were waiting for Doyoung who had to grab his bag from the backstage room.
You leaned against the wall just staring out into the night. A few drunk people passed by, girls you recognized from the concert earlier.
A group of boys walked up to you, you could barely make out their faces in the dark.
"You got cigarettes?" One of the boys pointed at you, clearly tipsy. You quickly shook your head, hoping they'd quickly leave you alone.
Of course they didn't and stepped even closer. "Wanna come with us", another one of the boys spat out with an evil smirk. "We could have some fun together."
You swallowed, "no I'm good. Now would you please excuse me I'm waiting for my boyfriend." You lied and you were pretty sure they noticed, you just sucked at lying.
The boys chuckled dangerously, one of them stepping even closer. You tried to back up more, but your back already hit the wall.
"That's very rude", the boy countered, visibly annoyed.
"Are they bothering you?" A familiar voice came from your right and you turned your head to watch no other than Kim Doyoung step out of the dark.
"Can I help you", one of the boys barked, now all the attention on Doyoung.
Doyoung chuckled, making you wonder what the hell he thought was so funny. "Yes, do me the favor and leave. Now", he hissed. You could tell it was a threat solely from the choice of his words. On the outside Doyoung looked as calm as ever.
"And who are you to tell me to piss off", the boy spat back. Doyoung walked past him and stopped next to you, his arm quickly finding its way over your shoulders.
"I'm her boyfriend."
You shot your head to the side, looking at Doyoung in confusion. You wondered if he had heard you mentioning that before?
The boys didn't argue any longer and walked away, Doyoung's staying close to you until they were really out of sight.
"Are you okay?" Doyoung's expression had changed, his eyes looked a lot bigger and sparklier than before, for a moment it even seemed like he was pouting. Or maybe that was just your imagination.
"What? Yeah, I'm okay", you mumbled, stepping away from him.
Maybe it was because you were still nervous about the encounter with these rude boys, but maybe it was also just because of Doyoung. Whatever this strange feeling that spread in your stomach was, it made your heart race and your mind go blank.
"Should I take you home now?" Doyoung took off his jacket, putting it around you instead. "It's cold", he mumbled, "you shouldn't get sick."
You felt torn between these two sides of Doyoung. Was he cold or caring?
Doyoung lead you to his car, which was parked right across the road - he even held the door open for you.
The whole ride you were quiet, not even daring to talk. You felt oddly nervous in Doyoung's presence, your heart was beating fast.
The car came to a halt in front of your dorm, both of you not moving in your seat. "Thanks", you turned your head to look at Doyoung once again, only to find him looking at you already.
"You know, I've actually seen you before", Doyoung explained, immediately having your attention. "I've been to one of your concerts. It was actually a coincidence, but I was glad I took the wrong turn that evening."
The corner of Doyoung's mouth slightly rose as he thought back to the time he first saw you. You were playing the piano on stage, a piece by Chopin.
And although he didn't even enjoy classical music it seemed like the most beautiful thing he had ever heard at that moment. Especially with you playing it.
"I didn't know who you were back then, but as I hung out with Jaehyun I unconsciously learned about you everyday", he explained, "you know, he just can't shut up about you."
You let out a chuckle - that was just so Jaehyun.
"I didn't think I'd ever see you again. And I don't believe in fate, you know, but when I saw you tonight I doubted all my beliefs for a second."
You swallowed, eyes blankly staring in Doyoung's direction. "So?" You watched his smile slowly appear. "Are you telling me you suddenly believe in fate?"
Doyoung chuckled, as if he was amused by your question. "No, but I believe in coincidences, in seizing the opportunity. And I'd be a fool to not ask you to come and see us play again tomorrow."
You raised your eyebrows at him. Did he just ask you out? "Tomorrow", you repeated, "yes, id love to come."
"Good", Doyoung nodded with a soft smile, his gaze moving between your eyes and your lips. "I was hoping you'd say that."
"And maybe afterwards you can drive me home again", you suggested without thinking twice.
"I'd like that."
You looked at each other for another moment, before you finally snapped back to reality, waving goodbye to Doyoung and getting out of the car.
You watched Doyoung drive off, unable to hold back your smile. You felt like you were floating and you were already excited to see him again the next evening.
You didn't believe in fate either, but there was something about seeing Doyoung on stage, fully focused on playing the drums.
There was something about him falling for a stranger he saw from the distance one day and falling for the same stranger again some time later - that stranger being you.
There was something that made you almost believe in fate too.
And maybe it really was a coincidence, maybe it was even Jaehyun's work. But maybe, just maybe, there really was a little fate involved.
﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏
a/n: check out the rest of the collab hosted by @johnsamericano :3 I'm super happy to be part of this collab! It's my first one too so it's even more exciting:)
#nct#nct imagines#nct scenarios#nct u#nct 127#nct doyoung x reader#nct doyoung#nct dongyoung#kim dongyoung#kim doyoung#nct fluff#nct series
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The Stigma Of The Trophy Wife & Why I'm Proud To Be One
Trophy wives and the never ending stigma... So much to say and so much to address. In this blog post as you read it in the title is all about why being a trophy wife (TW) is what I was meant to be. And most probably who you're meant to embrace too.
Keep reading Sister.
First of let me start with this mini clip...
This is all self explanatory to me and many other women who believe in hypergamy. The natural selection and order of things for women who desire to be married to a masculine man.
There's SO many negative cliche about being a trophy wife. The main one being a pretty air-head married to a rich old guy waiting to die so she can inherit all his assets and money.
And then you hear everyone around you saying things like: "why do you want to depend on a man? beauty doesn't last forever and some day he will replace you with someone hotter and younger"
But to me this is coming from such a small minded and scarcity point of view. These idea are filled with lack of everything.
There's SO, so, so much more than this about thinking of yourself as a TW!
Let's address a few of these points though because that is very important.
The "pretty air-head" Idea:
Who said that beautiful women were air-heads?
Just like everyone in this world, God has created each one of us, and you, with a special gift that NOBODY will ever provide like you do it. And that's a FACT.
I personally have worked for the largest and most successful companies in the world during my corporate career. As a people manager in technical supports, and I was VERY successful. These are definitely NOT the type of jobs or accomplishments an air-head would ever reach.
(If you're reading my blogs for the first time, Hello, My name is Mrs Queen and I'm the proud owner of this eCommerce business.)
And so, since when do we have to chose? I mean, hello scarcity mindset!
How being attractive, and maintaining your physical appearance ever kept you from being knowledgable and intelligent?
The "You'll always have to look pretty for him to stick around" Idea:
I cannot explain how this idea to me is SO basic, and SUCH a poor mindset!
Whom ever said that, clearly DOEN'T understand what makes a man marry you, when he truly believe that you're the woman of his dream. Or what makes a man stay with you for the rest of his life. So I'm going to spell it out loud, and preach. I hope you're ready?
First of all, a man stay kept if HE wants to stay kept. That has nothing to do with you but let's not ignore the following because these are contributing factors.
As a woman you're a WHOLE soul and PACKAGE by yourself. You do NOT ever or ever had to be with anybody to complete you. EVER. let me say it again, never, EVER.
And men DO understand that. They're looking and craving for that ENTIRE package. They want to experience it they want to live in it, forever and ever. This is literally their number one reason of living and striving in this world.
Yes, their MAIN reason to be alive. I'm not exaggerating.
What package am-i talking about?
Ok let's start with the obvious one:
1/ Your beauty.
yes your face and body. And all appearances are appreciated in this world.
If you're thinking "high maintenance" and or "too exhausting" let me tell you the following very simply.
The way you care and take pride in your appearance has NOTHING to do with a man.
Never. EVER.
It has however EVERYTHING to do with how YOU, my sister, honor and love yourself. It's your way of respecting and glorify God's creation of you.
And if a man (your husband) gets to enjoy the perks too, that's his luck.
So don't allow laziness, or misconceptions to twist your mind. Taking care of yourself, and maintaining yourself is your godly duty as a woman. Let me say it again, it's self love and self respect.
Then,
2/ Your Feminine ENERGY.
I'm literally talking about how your presence makes him feel. Have you ever had a phone conversation or just met someone and the tone of their voice, their smile gave you goose bumps and elevated your energy right away?
Making you smile, and feel warmer inside? That's what I'm talking about. Some people have the power to project their amazing energies into you and make you feel amazing in split-seconds. Everyone is of course different but the ones who love you, DO feel the energy of your soul.
And masculine men CRAVE for the feminine energy. The loving, the kind, the healing, the peaceful, resting, warm energy. They NEED you to be fully immersed into it, and let him join you into it.
They will do and pay anything to help you sustain and protect this beautiful environment. And it starts with the place you live in. Your body (back to point 1). Then your home. and the rest of your universe.
3/ Your RESPECT for him: This goes way deeper than the way you love him. Men will ALWAYS prefer being respected than being loved if they had to chose between the two. If you haven't read them, check out these books:
Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
5 Love Languages
These are most definitely books that WILL drastically improve your relationship for the better. Feminism has us fooled with many ideas, and yes I'm fully aware that this movement gave the western woman many rights, and I'm not talking about this.
The movement also pushes women to violently disrespect men in MANY different ways, on a daily basis. Making you believe that it's a synonym of empowerment. It's not, it truly isn't. It's the number one key to ending your days living in an apartment with hundreds of cats.
4/ Your brain & your drive:
Masculine men do not want air-heads anyway. They want smart driven women who know how to balance all the things stated before and their lives.
A woman who can literally put all this shit together. HER shit together I should say to be more exact. DO not try to rule his life. That's HIS job. Not yours.
A masculine man wants to lead most of the times. LET him. If you believe and trust him, this won't be hard for you to do.
If not, and I mean if you deeply believe that your man cannot lead the way in your relationship, then you probably chose the wrong kind of man for you. It's never too late to find the right one.
Please note: These points ARE the WHOLE package and aren't in any particular order. One doesn't compensate for the others. ALL, meaning EACH one of them are part of the whole package that is you.
So what's a TW then?
It's in masculine men's nature to want to provide, it DOES NOT mean that you shouldn't have your own. As a matter of a fact it is crucial that you have your own AND let him provide.
One idea that I love the most in Islam, is that it is clearly stated that a man has to provide for his household and his wife's need. Only then a woman will submit to him and respect him fully. She can however have her own sources of income and decides if she wants to participate in the household spendings OR not.
Other religions have similar ideas too.
A TW is literally what ever you want to be. But most importantly she KNOWS how to be the most unique version of herself. And that IS ENOUGH.
But then what if you just do NOT want to work?
It took me a while to come up to a very simple realization. And that's because while growing up my mother always pushed me to "be independent". And to this day she still does.
I had to pounder very deeply on these things.
First of all, your value as a woman does NOT depend on what you can "bring to the table". It never was and never will.
Your value does NOT depend on how productive you can be. How much money you can earn, how much achievements you can reach. NONE. OF. THAT.
You are WELL worthy of being loved and taken care of, and just simply existing because you do. period.
Let me say it differently. You were born WORHTY. There's NOTHING that you have to do to be worthy. Your man, husband should know and appreciate that at it's right value.
You are NOT a financial burden. You ARE valuable, without having to do or achieve ANYTHING.
Your value is in you BEING you. Going back to the "whole package" idea.
Is this laziness?
I know these days if a woman doesn't want to work, she's labelled lazy. It's not. It's about understanding that the "whole package" is contribution in itself. It's HIGHLY valuable.
As I said, it's a man's reason for living, so he can experience that "package" with you.
But the scriptures say that you have to be a hard working woman at home or an active member of the society....
Yes. And you already are. Directly or indirectly. A woman who lives in her "whole package" vibe is an inspiration of everyone around her. That's her CONTRIBUTION to the world if she feels that it's enough. So it is. And there should be no room for shaming this.
And the ones shaming these women, are the ones who don't understand what I just wrote about.
The idea of "Keeping your independence"
I cannot believe how much I have been SO stubborn in grasping, holding on SO damn hard on my "independence"....
As mentioned growing up that's something my mom kept on repeating to me. That's because her marriage to my father was far from being exemplary. And I get her from those circumstances.
Let me remind you if you had a mom like mine, you are NOT your mom and your husband is NOT your father. Therefore your marriage and experience with it ARE NOT the same.
My simple question to you is: Why would you want to feel "independent"? How does being married truly makes you feel? Trapped in any ways?
I pondered so hard on this one. As a married woman I DO NOT want to be independent. I am married. Independence is the complete opposite of marriage.
Do you want independence still? Then be single! you'll have plenty of independence.
Marriage and being a wife truly requires from you to completely abandon your maiden self. That's only then that true union is ever possible. Marriage is two people coming as one. If you have found a husband that you love and loves you back, you won't need to feel independent.
We very often take love and relationship advice from women who are still wounded. My mom for example is currently single.
And the teaching she can ever pass on me are the ones of a woman who's been through three failed marriages. That's precisely why I do NOT take marriage advice related to "staying in a successful marriage" from her.
Who have you been listening to so far? Are they in the type of marriage that you aspire to be in? If not, then I invite you to reframe your way of thinking around what they taught you to believe.
The "he will go for someone younger" idea:
Ok, yes that happens, because some relationships aren't meant to last forever. But who says YOU won't do that before he does?? Or leaving him for a better option? Who will treat you better if your current one starts tripping? THAT right there is the TW mindset.
Because you know your value, and the value of being the "whole package".
Your aging DOES NOT diminish your worth or value. It does NOT. The way you perceive yourself is the ONLY factor that can have that effect ladies. Not a man. Not what your mom would say. Or what your "friends" who mean "well", or your community members will say.
NONE. OF. THAT.
It's you vs YOU.
So why wouldn't you feel proud to FULLY be your own FULL package anyway?
You can have it, so flaunt it for you, for God, and your (future) lucky hubby sister.
Popular Reads:
How To Preserve Your High Value & Feminine Energy During A Crisis
How Dressing More Feminine Will Change Your Life
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01: Immortality
Synopsis: it is part of human nature to be flawed and imperfect, maybe even vengeful when things don't go their way, and when seven boys find themselves in power to show those who are wrong that actions come with consequences, will they choose to keep their immortality?
masterlist
tw: mentions of blood, stabbing, murder, death and slight choking
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"Wait let me get this straight. Your solution to the problem is for us to get killed over and over again instead of reporting them to the police?" Sunoo stood at the edge of the room, completely baffled by the older boy's plan.
"You don't get it Sunoo. This is part of the plan, it's always been. Why did you think we saved you?" Sunghoon took the glass of water from counter and gulped it down slowly before staring at Jungwon and Riki.
"Your immortality is precious and it's a form of power. This is your new job."
"What job? I don't want this job." Jay let a hefty sight escape from his lips before pulling the three minors closer to him.
"I get you don't want to be immortal. None of us chose to be here. Come." Jay went to the nearest drawer and pulled out a scrapbook.
"This is before we were eighteen." Jungwon furrowed his brows and didn't see a difference between them.
"But you look the same?"
"Immortality keeps you at this age. But we were normal teens too, we had dreams." Heeseung and Jake looked down, remembering the days from their own past as well.
"Then what happened?" Riki asked.
"We don't remember much of what happened. Memories fade eventually. It's been fifteen years since we entered this new world." Jake waited for a response but instead handed the three boys their belongings.
"Go on or you'll be late. We'll keep an eye on you from afar, but just go with your mind got it?" The three youngest didn't have much to stay and reluctantly accepted the very non-existent plan.
"Are we sure about this? What if this is a prank?" Jungwon and Sunoo stopped in their tracks and looked at Riki.
"I clearly remember being dead so might as well suck it up. Team?" Jungwon put forward his hand and the others followed shouting a cheer before entering the room.
"Sorry we're late, we got lost since we're not used to the campus grounds." Three heads instantly popped up at the sound of their voice. Impossible: it was impossible for them to be alive.
"You said they were dead!" One of them whispered, close to entering into a panic.
"They were! You saw they had no heartbeat." The other responded. Their legs began to shake left and right as well as up and down due to fear, nibbling on their nails and surrounding skin.
"No worries, just take a seat." As if a feeling inside his heart was about to over take him, Sunoo felt a need to take a seat next to one of the three boys. He plopped his backpack onto the desk and gave a smile wave to the tall boy.
This was the first trial.
-----
"Hey! You three come here." The basketball players waved their hands at them in a snapping manner and if on que, Heeseung smirks when he looks down at the time on his watch.
"Humans really are predictable aren't they?" Jake agrees and continues to listen into the conversation.
"We're having a party tonight, you should come." Again, right on time.
"Uhh, I'm not sure…" Jungwon elbowed Riki in the stomach before accepting the kind invitation.
"We'll be there!" Sunoo quickly answered before looking at Jungwon with confusion.
"What are you thinking! This is a trap to clearly kill us!" Riki states in a distressed manner.
"Something is telling me to do so, plus isn't that the plan?" Jay and Sunghoon were amused at Sunoo and Jungwon's quick adaptation to their life.
"Seems like they've got this, but remember to get the car anyway." Sunghoon slung his backpack lazily over his shoulder and led the way as they waited for the second trial.
-------
The night had fallen and almost as if the stars had aligned, Heeseung glanced at his watch once more as Sunoo, Jungwon and Riki stepped into the home where the so-called party was being held. It took half an hour for the three school boys dressed in jerseys to drag out three black bags, body shaped to be exact.
"Hurry the fuck up man, before we get caught!" The other two obeyed the orders and carried the bags into the trunk of the car with much speed. A small drive later and an empty lot awaited them.
"Throw them there." The sound of shovels digging surrounded the nearby area, and with the rhythm of the sand and dirt hitting the floor, the three bodies were finally covered.
"We take this until our death beds. This better get the job done." The car drove off; it allowed for Heeseung and Jay to approach the bodies underneath the ground.
"5..4..3..2..1" The supposed to be dead boys came from behind the trees dusting themselves off from the sand.
"That was even more terrible the second time. Drugging us and then stabbing us isn't exactly fun."
"You did great. You're almost there." Jake complimented only for anger to resound in Jungwon.
"Look no offense, but I don't know if we can continue this. I don't want to relive the trauma of being murdered over and over again." He loosened his tie and threw it onto the pavement.
"I'm with Jungwon. Is this really the only way to get the job done?"
"Yes, now let's go get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be a very long day." Sunghoon patted their backs and led them back.
Second trial was complete.
-------
"How are you boys holding up? Today's sort of the final trial." Jake walked into their room first thing in the morning, bearing food and other trinkets.
"To be honest, I cried myself to sleep. I'd rather be dead than be doing this. Why were we saved?" Riki asked with slight hesitancy.
"Heeseung and I asked ourselves that every single day since our murder. We were the new kids and well, these two boys weren't exactly fond of us so their plan was to kill us and they were successful. We woke up to this new life and even though I've never been able to come with a clear answer, you'll find out in time. This is a lot. I get it, but you've got each other. This job isn't fun, but you get used to it. The pain isn't even that bad." He left the room almost immediately and went with the others.
The same scenario repeated once more. Bewildered eyes met the three boys upon their entrance, and paranoia engulfed the three murderers. Heeseung went ahead and peered into the classroom. Shaky legs, check. Nail biting check. Sweat, check.
"This can't be happening. This isn't real. What if this is a prank?" Sunoo once more waved at them slightly before leaning in towards them.
"I had fun at the party last night, maybe we can do it again. Or maybe you'd like to rest since I'm sure digging and dragging must be hard work." With innocent eyes, he smiled slyly and gave a head nod to Jungwon and Riki.
"What's next? I doubt that they'd be willing to get caught up again." It was lunch time, which gave them time to decide on their next move.
"You go to them. After all, where else would you find your phone?" Riki began to feel into his pockets but found nothing.
"Damn it." Satisfied, the four left the three kids on their own.
The clock struck eight when Jungwon knocked on the familiar wooden door which was opened by the oldest school boy.
"Y-you guys. Why are you here?"
"We wanted to party like last night but I left my phone here." Jungwon went straight to the nearest bedroom and found his phone comfortably tucked away under a pillow with a recording.
"Well what do have here? A memory from last night." Sunoo pressed the small play button and let the audio run though.
"Hurry the hell up will you!"
"Did you bring your dad's car like I told you? Get on with it."
"I'm sad it had to come to this."
"Get them!" Their hands became tightly wrapped around their necks and before they knew it, they had experienced their third death.
They went back to the familiar lot, repeating the motions and excavating through the hard ground to create a burrow for the bodies.
"Dump the brown haired one first." When they managed to pat the dirt neatly and move on to the rest of the bodies, they were gone.
"Huh? Is this the end of the party? But I wanted to have more fun." Sunoo walked out first and showed a small pout while watching terror and horror overtake the players in their presence. Without a thought, the shovel was swung and he came down, falling unconscious.
"Boooo, all we wanted was to become friends. Is this really it?" Now Riki emerged from the trees, crossing his arms while glancing at Sunoo's body.
Another swing over took him, but it was time for the final show.
"Hi! I'm Jungwon and these are my friends Sunoo and Riki. Please treat us well." Jungwon tried to approach them but they instead fled towards the car, struggling to understand what was occurring.
"Get away you-you ahh!" Jungwon and Sunoo crept from behind while Riki dangled the car keys in front of them.
"Have a safe ride! Stay safe!" With the final shouts, Heeseung, Jake, Sunghoon and Jay finally left the shadows.
Jay let out a maniacal laughter, which caused confusion with the three youngest.
"Good job boys. Good job." Those were the final words he told them before going home.
As sleep entered their systems, they began to wonder about their actions and Sunghoon's words from two nights before.
Humans themselves were responsible for the consequences. They were complex creatures, sure, but driven by power and greed can betray the good of anyone. They never created the killer.
Like a cycle, they went at a similar time to the school in the morning only to cause the three boys to break down in tears.
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taglist: @the-moon-lost-in-joy @twntycm
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-Read the signs-
Scott (Daisy) x Female reader
Spooky Kids era
Synopsis: In the middle of summer, you and your friends are trapped in your hometown and spend time hanging out or terrorizing your neighborhood. One of so many days of mischief ends differently than the others when you and Scott discover that you both have felt the same attraction to each other for all this time.
Tags: @antichrist-super-stoned
Also i thought you would like to read this @gxth-bxby @v-crow666
______________________________________________________________
It's almost 5pm. You get to your friend Brian's house and park your car in the driveway, you can see his mother, Barbara, hanging out the washing. You get down of your car and walk towards her.
-Hi, Mrs. Warner
-Oh, hello (y / n). How are you, darling?- She says with a tender voice
-I'm fine thanks. Is Brian home?
-Oh yes. He is in his room with Scott, you can go in
-Thanks- you answer with a smile and head inside.
As you were passing the living room you could see Mr. Warner sitting on his couch, watching TV. You try to sneak to the stairs and run up to Brian's room, you know Mr. Warner's dirty jokes very well and you don't want to give him a chance to start one. So you walk really slowly, passing behind his old couch
-(y/n)!- He screams with a joyful voice (but almost fake, for some reason).
-Fuck, how does he do that?- you say under your breath -Um, Hi, Mr. Warner. I came to see Brian
-Why don't you come and sit here with me? Those boys surely are just fooling around up there
-Well I better go stop them- You say with a nervous tone and rush up the stairs
You walk towards Brian's room, and since you know Scott is also there, you fix your hair on one of the mirrors hanging on the wall.
You stand at the door of the room, Scott is sitting on a chair and in front of him he has his 4-track recorder that his parents gave him on his birthday, Brian is sitting on his bed and holds a small microphone between his hands; they are both laughing as Brian sings a kind of rap that talks about tuna sandwiches and a girl with hairy legs.
-What the fuck are you guys doing? - You say with a laugh.
Scott looks at you and controlling his laughter he puts his finger across his lips -Shh- Brian continues with the song but he can’t contain himself and bursts out laughing.
Scott stops recording.
-I’m sorry, man. I couldn’t handle it - Brian says, trying to recover his breath
-Don’t worry, it’s a good start. But we have to record the full version someday
You walk into the room and drop onto the bed, right next to Brian
-Your father was right about you two just fooling around- you say with a sigh
-Fooling around?! We were just recording our first complete song!- Scott is offended by your words
-No, she’s right.- Brian slides down onto the bed and sighs as he puts his hands over his face -This summer sucks!- he growls
-Sucks more than the weekend at my grandma’s- you giggle
-Oh, don’t remind me about that, a whole weekend looking only at Scott's face. At least when you are here we can pretend we are not looking at your tits
-Well I’m sorry for not having tits to entertain you with- Scott responds
-Yeah, you should be
-Scott with tits. I would pay to see that- you and Brian snort a laugh and Scott rolls his eyes at you, then he proceeds to unplug his recorder.
You stare at him as he gets down on one knee and tucks the wires into his bag, admiring his brown hair and round glasses. You've had a crush on him for quite some time now, and it seems to be getting stronger, but for some reason it's very difficult for you to approach him in any way other than joking. Not so with Brian, with whom you have spent some very intimate evenings, you find him attractive and the sex is incredible, but Scott has something different, he is not like the others and you love that.
Suddenly Mrs. Warner steps at the door of the room, holding her purse in her hands.
-Brian, darling, your father and I are going to run some errands. There's cereal in the pantry, be good kids
-Mom, I'm twenty- says Brian with an annoyed face
-Be a good twenty-year-old, then. I'll see y'all later- she kisses her hand waves it.
Brian stands off of the bed quickly.
-Man, I can't believe my parents leave the house more than us, it's fucking summer, we should be doing more than just staring at the wall
-We can watch tv, I think they were going to broadcast "the exorcist"- you propose
- "The exorcist" and a bowl of cereal seem like a good plan- says Scott excitedly
-But we can watch "the exorcist" and eat junk every other day. I want to do something different or I'm going to go crazy- Brian puts his hands to his head
-Then tell us your summer plan, Warner
-And I hope it's better than eating cereal or I'm going to be very pissed- Scott warns
-Ehrm, I don’t know. I can't think when I'm locked up here.
-Let's go outside then, I have the car- you show him your keys
-There we would have started, woman. Were you waiting for me to pull out my hair to tell me you have the car?
-You guys always tell me that my car is trash!
- (y / n), I am so desperate that right now your old car seems to me like the most wonderful vehicle in the world!
-Could it have nothing to do with the fact that you are not allowed to drive because you don't have a license and that my parents no longer lend me the car after I spent the night in jail for drunk driving?
-No, Scott. It has nothing to do with it. Now please shut up.- You and Scott look at eachother and laugh. He has such a beautiful smile and is not afraid to show it, he does not try to act tough like others,
-Okay, let's go then- you say as you get up from the bed
-Yes, finally some fresh air- Brian says raising his arms and going out the door
-Come on, Scott- you invite him with a smile
-I’m after you, sweetheart- you feel his words as heavy as his voice, chills run through your body and you turn your face trying not to blush
-Hurry up!- Brian shouts from outside the house
You three get in the car. Brian takes the whole back seat for himself as usual, leaving Scott with the only option of going in the passenger seat. You always said you prefer it that way because, unlike Brian, Scott is quiet and doesn't distract you while driving, but the truth is that you like having him a few inches from you in that bench seat.
You drove around the neighborhood for about half an hour, while Brian looked out the back window like a little boy pointing at things and people, and Scott hummed and tapped on his thighs to the tune of the songs on the radio like "love me two times" by The doors.
You try not to be very obvious while you turn to see him and when he realizes he just smiles at you and keeps singing. Hell, that smile could make you crash in a second.
But that's not what makes you slam on the brakes.
-Stop! - Brian shouts from the back seat -I know what we gonna do- he says with a huge smile on his face as he points to the street name sign.
_______________________________________________________
-”Baked st”? - You say with a confused look.
The three of you are standing in front of the sign Brian pointed out.
-Yeah! It's amazing, it would look great in my room!- says Brian
-Woah, are you suggesting we steal it? - Scott doesn't seem convinced by the idea.
-Yes! It's exactly what I'm suggesting
-That doesn't sound very legal, man.
-Yeah, Brian, there's still a lot of light, someone could see us- you point out
-Thank you, (y / n) - Scott is relieved that you're on his side
-You'll be the lookout, Scott- you say as you pat him on the shoulder
-What?!
You and Brian laugh and bump fists.
------
-We're gonna get caught. We're gonna get caught and we will be arrested. I will spend another night in jail. We should have stayed to eat cereal and watch tv- Scott mutters in a nervous voice from inside your car. He is sitting behind the wheel with the engine running, prepared to be the escape driver.
-Do you want to shut up? No one will catch us if you do your job as a lookout
-I always end up in trouble when I'm with you, Warner!
-Calm down, will you? Smoke a cigarette or something
-No! Not smoking in my car - you shout in a demanding voice -Calm down, Scott, nothing will happen
Brian kneels and you climb on his shoulders, so when he stands up you are at the exact height of the sign and you can remove it with the help of a screwdriver that you had in the trunk of your car.
-Brian, stay still, if you drop me I'll kill you
-Sorry, but the last time I carried you on my shoulders was that night when you forgot your keys and ended up with your dog biting my balls
-Haha! That's his way of saying he loves you!
-Whatever it was, since that day I can't stand being near a dog
-Don't be a crybaby ... oh, is that a doberman?
-Oh shit, where?! - Brian staggers with fear
You laugh out loud.
-That´s not funny!
-It was for me!- you're almost tearing with laughter
Scott rolls his eyes and sighs -Can you hurry? If you guys don't get in the car on time I won't mind leaving you behind
-But it's my car!
-Well ... maybe I'll wait for you- he gives you a small smile
- * cough * Get a room
-Shut up, Brian, or I'll drop this on your huge head
-Guys, I think someone’s coming ...- says Scott worried
-Calm down, I'm almost done, there's one last screw left- you say without taking much importance
-Oh oh, cop car. Guys, cop car!- Scott shouts through the window
-What?! - Brian screams
-GET-IN-THE-CAR!
-Done!- You say with a smile of triumph and almost fall when Brian takes you off of his shoulders.
You both rush to get into the car and Scott speeds in the opposite direction to the cops
Brian, as always in the back seat, looks through the window to make sure you were not seen and are not being followed, then he collapses into the seat and bursts out laughing.
You and Scott look into each other's eyes and laugh a little, then join Brian in his loud laugh.
-That was incredible, I think I peed in my pants- says Brian trying to catch his breath
-You almost threw me, man! - You shout from the passenger seat
- I'm sorry, I panicked!
-Scott, are you okay? Your hands are shaking- you ask
-I'm fine. I'm fine, don't worry- Scott can't erase from his face the big smile that has appeared as a result of the feeling of being almost caught.
You stare at him and you feel your heart pumping like crazy and you're not quite sure it's still due to the thrill of your successful robbery.
_______________________________________________________
The sun has already set, it is still a warm summer night. You drive through the neighborhood with the windows down letting in the cool wind, and with stupid smiles of satisfaction on your faces, without saying a word.
You go back to Brian's house and see his parents' car at the entrance.
"Shit, they're back," says Brian, rushing to open the car door and close it behind him, he leans against the driver's window to look at you both.
-Come tomorrow and you will see this beauty hanging on the wall of my room. - He says holding the sign and then he enters his house, leaving you alone in the car with Scott.
There is an awkward silence for a few seconds after Brian is gone.
-Well, I think I should go home now- Scott puts his hand on the door handle, turns to you and looks at you over his glasses -It was a great afternoon, it wouldn't have been if you hadn't appeared- He gives you a last half smile -Well, good night (y/n), hope to see you tomorrow- he opens the door
-No, wait ... let me take you home
-Do you want to take me home?
-Of course, I'll let you drive - you say tapping the steering wheel
-You've convinced me!
------
You really enjoy the drive to Scott's house, he just keeps making you laugh by telling you the story of the night he was arrested, making silly voices as he impersonates the cops who pulled him over.
And he takes advantage of the moment to do some other imitations of people you know, and cartoon characters. You just can't stop laughing.
When you are close to getting to Scott's house, he stops the car near an alley.
-I will stop here so my parents don't see us, if they find out that I've been driving they will kill me
-Oh yeah, no problem. That way you could also stay for a while to chat- you are really enjoying his company and you don't want to stop being by his side
-I guess I can, it's not my bedtime yet- You both laugh
-You're so funny
-"Oh, thank you, I appreciate it" -he says faking his voice like a talk show host, and you laugh again.
-Really, why have we never had these talks?
-What do you mean?
-Yes, you and I, we have never hang out together, why is that?
-Are you serious? I think the reason is pretty obvious
-It’s not so obvious for me. Why don’t you tell me?
-Well, it's because whenever we go out, I'm the first to be back home, whether you drop me or I leave so that you can, I don't know, take care of any "matter" you have
-What? What are you talking about? - You look at Scott with a confused expression
-Come on, you know what I'm talking about ... don't make me say it- he rolls his eyes and you look at him without being completely sure what he means
-You mean...?
-Um, yeah- he says raising his eyebrows. You drop your jaw
-He told you about that?!
-Of course he told me- he sighs with annoyance- you already know him
-When-when did he tell you?
-The weekend you were at your grandma's house ... I would like to say that he brought it up for conversation because he was bored and wanted us to talk about something but I know he likes to brag about those things
-I'm going to kill him- you say clenching your teeth
-No... I mean, you don’t have to, there’s no reason for you two to hide those things from me, if you feel something for each other, I..-
-What? I don’t feel anything for Brian! It was just sex…
-”Just sex”? what does that even mean?- he chuckles and you cover your face with your hands
-I mean… Well, he’s attractive but he can also be a total asshole. And we had sex a couple of times but it’s not like… I don’t like him and I totally don’t “love” him
-It´s ok, I was just saying that if you were trying to have some kind of relationship… I'm ok with that
-Well you don’t need to ‘cause there’s no “relationship” nor will be. I only had sex with him because, well there aren't many guys available, you know? And apparently I'm too bad at letting the boys that I like know that ... I like them
-Really?- he arches his eyebrows
-Yeah, believe it or not- You say with sarcasm
-Well I think any guy you send a hint that you like him and if he doesn't get it then he's an idiot and you shouldn't be wasting your time with him
You snort a laugh
-You think that?
-Totally. Of course.
You look at him and laugh
-What? What’s so funny?
-No, nothing- you stop laughing and look down, trying to avoid his gaze
-Really? Come on, we already discussed your stumbling with Brian, that is surely the most embarrassing thing in your life, and now you are going to hide something from me and tell me that it's "nothing"? Come on, tell Dr. Love here
-Oh my god, don't call yourself Dr. Love! - You burst out laughing as you cover your face with your hands
-Ok, I will not. But come on, you were the one who wanted us to talk, now talk- he bumps your shoulder
You take a long breath
-Is just that… I really don’t know how to tell you this. I got into this by myself and now I don't know how to get out- you laugh nervously
-You are scaring me. I'm not gonna let you drive me home again…
-It's that, when I was talking about the guys I like, I was ... really ... talking about you ...
Scott stares at you and is silent for a few seconds.
-I’m sorry, what?
You laugh again and avoid his gaze
- (y / n) I need you to repeat that, I think I did not hear you well
You raise your head and look at him with your eyes tearing a little
-I was talking about you, Scott. You are the guy that I like
Scott leans back and readjusts himself on the seat
-Wow, I wasn't expecting that
-Yeah, well …
You both remain silent, trying to assimilate what just happened. After a few seconds Scott takes a long breath, opens his mouth but he has trouble organizing his thoughts
-(y/n)? Can I...Can I ask you something?
-Yeah, of course
-And it’s ok if you don’t want to answer, I understand
-Okay…
-You say you like me ... but if that's the case, why have you been sleeping with Brian?
You sigh heavily
-Well, Scott, it's quite simple really. You see, it's because you are you, and I, well, I am me ...
-I'm not sure I understand that
-You're an amazing boy, Scott. You are kind, you are talented, you are intelligent, you are very funny without having to make fun of others
-And is that a bad thing?
-No! It is not at all!
-So? I don't understand
-It's that you're VERY good, Scott. So good that you deserve someone just as good as you ...
- Seriously?
-Seriously. And I deserve guys like Brian, I don't mean Brian is a bad guy but hey, you said it yourself, "we know how he is"
He throws his head back, looking at the roof of the car
-I guess I'm screwed, then ...
- Why do you say that?
He turns his head towards you, still leaning on the seat
-Because (y / n), during all this time, I have only been attracted to a one-single-girl
You notice his hand moving along the seat, getting closer and closer to yours. You can already feel it with the tips of your fingers, it's like an electric shock that runs through your entire arm. You look up and he's looking you in the eye.
-And that girl is you.
You feel your face turning completely red, your heart is racing, you are short of breath.
Time seems to move so slow.
-I think I'm having a heart attack- you say under your breath
- (y / n) Are you okay? - He gets closer and sits right next to you, his knee touches yours and he puts his hand on your shoulder. You have your eyes on the ground and your hair covers your face -I shouldn't have told you all that, I'm sorry-
He leans in front of you and brushes your hair from your face with his fingers -It's just that we were being so sincere that I thought ... I don't know what I thought, I let myself go. Please look at me-.
You feel your body vibrating, trembling. The rhythm of your heart has not calmed down. And your mind is spinning.
You can see Scott's face out of the corner of your eye. You have never been so close, and you don’t know if this will be the only time. Your only chance.
- "Fuck it" - you say in your mind and raise your head. You both look into each other's eyes for a few seconds, you lean towards him and slowly seek his lips with yours. He doesn't move or say a word, just closes his eyes and receives the pleasing touch of your mouth.
His lips are so soft and sweet. Almost unreal.
Kissing him feels like an explosion inside your head, you can almost see the flashes.
You take him by the back of his neck to bring him closer to you, you don't want a single space between your lips. He responds by putting his hand on your thigh, gently grabbing you, like trying to convince himself that you really are there.
The kiss begins to get more intense, you gently suck on his lips a little and you can feel the tip of his tongue touching you, but you know he is too shy to dare to do it. So you go and gently insert your tongue between his lips as you grab him by his shirt. He lets out a slight moan and reaches up to grab you firmly by the hip.
The feel of his hand grasping you feels so good that you tilt your head back and bite your lip. Scott can't take his gaze off of you, his breathing is fast, with his hand still on your hip, he pulls you towards him and makes you end up sitting on his lap.
You look him in the eye, he puts both hands on your hips and you give him a devilish smile to which he responds the same.
You run your hand over his chest. He looks at you with a smile and bites his lip. You lean over him and start kissing his neck, he raises his hands to your waist and his thumbs touch the bottom of your breasts. He moans a little and you pull back. Without taking your eyes off his, you take your hands to the end of your shirt and take it off. He stares, wordlessly, at your body, one of his hands goes up your belly and stops before touching your bra. He sees you again in the eyes and licks his lips, more than a look of desire, you can see tenderness on his face.
You put your arms behind your back and untie the clasp of the bra, gently lower the straps of each of your arms and drop it. He takes a deep breath and you bend down to kiss him again, pressing your lips firmly against his.
He moves his hands forward slowly, his fingertips running up your bare back giving you chills and making you shiver, and that's where he tucks his tongue into your mouth and gently grips your breast with one of his hands.
You moan and you can feel the warmth between his legs, so you bring one of your hands to his waist, raise his shirt with your index finger, and play a little with his belt before you unbuckle it. He rushes in and helps you take his pants down to his knees. You bite your lip and run one hand over his underwear. He is hard.
You start moving your hand up and down over his clothing. He lets out a groan, closes his eyes, and tilts his head back.You give him a sloppy kiss while still stroking him. Scott puts his hand on your lower back while moaning. You stop kissing him and pull back.
-You want me to…?- You say as you put your hands over the buttons of your trousers
-Please…- he says under his breath
You start unbuttoning them and he pulls them down, leaving you only in your panties.
He runs the tip of his index through the line of cloth that passes just below your belly, you take his entire hand and lead him inside.
He gasps, he feels a little scared but much more curious to feel your body, so he works his way down with his fingers and touches you gently. You groan and start to feel more and more wet as his fingers get inside of you, you can't control it. You start pulling down his underwear and he takes his hands off of you. You take his bulge with your hand and stroke it making him close his eyes again. You take off your panties and get closer to him, sitting on his lap. He puts his arms around you, down your lower back, and kisses you.
-I guess today we will only do illegal things
-Does that bothers you?- you answer with a seductive voice
-Not at all- he smirks
You bring one of your hands behind you and between your legs, take hiss length with your fingers, positioning it just below you and slowly insert it into yourself. You push your hips down to get him fully inside.
You both moan loudly with pleasure. Scott has a huge smile drawn on his face. You put your hands on his shoulders and start moving your hips up and down, you can feel how he tightens you with his arms and he starts to thrust himself against you, faster and with more force than you were doing. You squeeze his shoulders and dig your nails into them a little. His body slams against yours, you can feel him getting out completely and back in with ease. Your legs start shaking, you can feel that you are very close, you don't want this moment to end but you are about to, so you kiss him one last time and feel his deep breathing on your lips. You arch your back and press your lips together tightly to contain your loud moan of exasperation. Scott growls and you feel a wetness running down your thigh.
You drop your body onto Scott's. Your head rests on his shoulder and he lovingly caresses your back. He looks at you and approaches to give you a tender kiss, at the end of which he smiles.
You remain silent for a while, for the moment you do not have much to say, the contact of your bodies shows your feelings.
Scott puts his hand on your head and brushes your hair from your face.
-You know? I feel very lucky today- he says
-Yes?
-Totally. I did a lot of things today that I never imagined ... like running away from the police
You laugh a little
-No, seriously, I feel very lucky, and I don't want to abuse that fortune, but if I don't do this I think I won't be able to forgive myself
-What happens?
- (y / n) Would you go out with me someday?
You blush and hide your face on his shoulder
-Of course I will go out with you
#Daisy Berkowitz#Scott Putesky#fanfiction#Daisy Berkowitz x reader#Daisy Berkowitz fic#marilyn manson and the spooky kids#oneshot
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