#without the ten million anxieties that plague me every second of existence

[anths-girl]

YES!!! ✊🏻✊🏻✊🏻✊🏻

[grimelords]

I’ve finished my September playlist, only almost a month later. It’s got everything, The Weeknd, desert psychedelica from Niger, and Australian yodelling from 1941. What more could you want!

listen here

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XO / The Host / Initiation - The Weeknd: First of all Trilogy is a masterpiece. The Weeknd is a legend forever for this alone. Back when he was an anonymous character and before he tried to pivot to being a proper pop star and started beliving his own bullshit. This trio of songs for me is one of the highlights of the whole thing because this is where things really take a turn and it serves as a nice flipside to earlier songs like Glass Table Girls (even quoting some of the lyrics from it in a very cool reprise). Where most of the songs from House Of Balloons are about his own descent into this hedonistic life, by the time you get to Echoes Of Silence he lives there comfortably, and he's turned from cool,  dark and tormented to coldly evil and calculating. He's the master of the dark palace and he's drawing this woman in. The chorus of XO is straight up cult language 'all we ever do is love, open up your mind you can find the love'. She's broke and addicted trying to escape her life and he offers her this community. Which is where Initation comes in and things get really dark. This song feels like the real truth of those stories you hear of Drake flying instagram models around and it's a masterpiece of the dark underside of the drugs money and models bragging you're used to.

Sociopath (feat. Kash Doll) - Pusha T: Get a load of this new Pusha song where he's got Rodney Dangerfield ghostwriting for him. I got a bitch that'll master your card.. my wife ova hea!! Also the funny gritted teeth way he says it cracks me up. He also says boop bop be boop bop. There's so many good moments in this very silly song from a man that is normally terrifyingly serious.

Ice Cream - Muscles: I suddenly remembered this song the other day and I'm so glad I did. A good example of how you can get so much feeling out of music that has no relation at all to the lyrics. In the right mood this song makes me so emotional and I can't even pin down why. The way he sings 'ice cream is going to save the day' somehow just makes the urban alienation of the verse even more pointed. It's such a silly little dance song and that's what's so strong about it. It's dancing at night and unsuccessfully trying to forget what happened today.

Running - Gil Scott Heron & Jamie xx: It’s extremely strange that this remix album ever happened, thinking back on it. Stranger still that a Gil Scott Heron song got remixed by Jamie xx and then remixed again by 40 and turned into a Drake song in I’ll Take Care Of U and all three versions rock. Anyway, this song and this whole album remain fantastic - it still sounds futuristic in a way where nobody else really followed Jamie’s sound, everything else went a different direction so this an In Colour feel more and more unique to me as time goes on.

Boyfriend (Repeat) - Confidence Man: I’m in love with this album. It’s the closest I’ve found so far to the level of absolute fun in dance music since Duck Sauce’s album. I love the the attitude of her lyrics, which carries through the whole album. I love when her Australian accent peeks out for a second on a few words. I love his rebuttals that almost but not quite put it over the edge into a comedy song. I love the big fading out leadup to the drop near the end where a huge throat singing drone just swallows the whole song for a second.

Ever Again (Soulwax Remix) - Robyn: Extremely hot remix alert!! Thankyou to Zan Rowe's Monthly Mixtape playlist for putting my onto this.Sometimes all you need is one ferociously hot bassline to make a life complete.

$50 Million - !!!: !!!’s new album has one of the best covers I’ve seen recently, I advise you to check it out. It’s interesting to be so far into your career (this is their 8th album since 2001) and still be writing songs about selling out, a concept which has largely disappeared from music discourse since musicians started making no money post napster. I vaguely remember the turning point being when Kimya Dawson, after blowing up via the Juno soundtrack, turned down a coke ad for a ludicrous amount and the blogosphere at the time turned on her and said she should have taken the money because she was living in a van at the time. Nobody gives a fuck about selling out anymore because bands make more from tshirts than streams so you’ve got to act like a brand just to make a living. Anyway I’ve gotten off track. This song rocks, especially for the breakdown near the end.

Tipped Hat - The Paper Scissors: A song I haven’t heard in over ten years that suddenly popped into my head the other day. I love the way this guy’s voice sounds, just completely committing to sounding like a hand puppet. I’ve been playing bass a lot more recently and so have developed the worst man habit of becoming more sensitive to and pointing out extremely hot basslines to people, so I’d be derelict in my duty to not share this one.

Heimsdalgate Like A Promethian Curse - of Montreal: I love this song about literally pleading with your brain to come good. Here’s a good quote about this album “I went through this chemical depression, and that's when I was writing a lot of the songs for Hissing Fauna. They're all songs about that experience. And I was experiencing it in the moment that I was writing the songs, and sort of asking myself: What the hell is going on? Why are you all of a sudden totally paranoid and plagued by these anxieties? And why is everything so distorted and confusing and fucked up? My lifestyle hadn't changed that much. And then I realized, well, there's something going on inside of me that I don't have control over, and then you realize how vulnerable you are to these things, these elements that you can't understand, or unless you go on medication and get it under control. It's like you're being betrayed by your body.” Something I really admire about this album is that the lyrics reflect black metal levels of mental anguish, he was absolutely going through it the worst anyone can go through it “I'd gotten to that point where nothing was working. I was borderline suicidal, and my relationship with my girlfriend had totally eroded and she'd gone back to Norway with our daughter and everything was totally fucked, and I was just like, What can I do? "The Past Is a Grotesque Animal" is about that.” But the music is one hundred percent committedly twee and I really admire the effect that that split mood gives. “The lyrics tell the story of what was really going on and the music sort of represents this other emotion that I wish existed. The music was really happy because I wanted to make something that would lift my spirits.”

Jesus Rabbit - Guerilla Toss: I love the wobbly weird bass sound in this weirdo UFO cult song. I love the bleepy bloop melody that runs through it and I love how fundamentally unstable the whole song sounds, like it’s made out of paperclips and foil and papier mache.

Suburbia - Press Club: I can’t believe I didn’t know about Press Club for so long. I only found out about them this performance https://youtu.be/bCmtc-T5Unk which I’m shocked to learn has less than 5k views considering it’s one of the very best TV performances I’ve ever seen.

Come For Me - Sunflower Bean: I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about this song before and I’m probably going to say the exact same thing but who cares! This song fuckin rocks. I love how assured it is, like “if you’re gonna fuck me then stop fucking around and fuck me already.” It also feels so musically similar to I Can Hardly Make You Mine by Cults to me, which is a great excuse for me to listen to that song every single time I listen to this song.

Thousands - Club Night: This Club Night album is really really good. It's like a really nice middleground between midwest emo and Cymbals Eat Guitars. The way this song blows up halfway through with 'what if we want it!!' is so good. This whole band feels like they're from 2009 but in a good way, the tail end of indie and twee with these prog or postrock structures where the songs just go and go, and you can just get completely lost in it.

Cemetary - Brutus: The first thing you've got to know about Brutus is the drummer is also the singer. Normally who plays what is not really important but in this case I think it's very important because it makes the drums a lead instrument more than they normally would be. When she's not singing my focus is still on the drums because they're linked and I absolutely love it. This song is great and every song I've heard of theirs is just as good, I love Brutus and they're one of the best new bands I've found recently. Someone in the youtube comments said 'there's something really special about hearing a song for the first time and just knowing you're going to listen to it hundreds of times in your life.'

Enter By The Narrow Gates / Spirit Narrative - Circle Takes The Square: I think that I think of Circle Takes The Square as a household name just because they have such an outsized importance in my own life when they're definitely not at all. They're legendary for making The screamo (good kind) album in As The Roots Undo and then taking 8 years to make a followup, which is this album Decompositions, but I don't really know if they're well known outside of like, people who have opinions about what were the hottest music blogspots in 2010. I chose both of these because you can't really have one without the other, the whole album basically runs as one long piece of music and so this just kind of jarringly ends at the end of Spirit Narrative, sorry about that please listen to the entire album. Because of the status As The Roots Undo enjoys I feel like this album was kind of ignored, or overshadowed by the reputation it was trying to live up to, almost exactly like The Avalanches with Since I Left You and Wildflower, when just like Wildflower it's a more expansive, developed take on the original sound that trades some of the rawness for a more polished and considered approach and comes out arguably better than the orginal. I feel like I have so much to say about this album but I don't really know where to begin, just listen to it.

Vitrification Of Blood (Pt. 1) - Blood Incantation: I am by no means a metal scholar, but I know that when the word 'blood' is in both the song title AND the band name that means it's good metal. I love this song, and this whole album is great. It's very 'classic' death metal but there's touches (beyond the extreme length) of psychedelica as well that puts it on another level you can just get lost in. The way the guitar goes to space at 3:40, and again properly into orbit at 6:50 is just magical. The more I listen to this band the more I understand those guys who only listen to metal, there's a whole ecosystem in here and it's really got everything you need.

Out Of Line - Gesaffelstein: This whole song is basically intended as an intro for Pursuit on the album but it’s so powerful just on its own. I love imbuing weirdo lyrics like ‘a bitter sunken love in a bleach blonde submarine’ with such ominous power through the commanding delivery. I love the way the big grunting vocals on the offbeat build to sound like a summoning ritual. I love making a big processed bell the centrepiece of your extremely evil sounding song. It’s sort of a shame that Gessaffelstein has never really gone back to the vision of his first album and has spent his time since diluting it down for guest production on Weeknd songs and the like because it feels like there’s still so much more to get out of this sound. That he hasn’t gone back and dug deeper makes Aleph stand out more and more as a singular masterpiece as time goes on.  

Kamane Tarhanin - Mdou Moctar: Turning to Mdou Moctar after the new Tinariwen album kind of disappointed me, with all it’s big name guests nothing really hit me. I love this song though and I think a big part of it is the sort of loping, 6/4 rhythm that combined with the drone gives it this feeling of endlessly tumbling over itself in place, especially as the guitar heats up.

Achabiba - Fatou Seidi Ghali: I know very little about Fatou Seidi Ghali except that I saw she was supporting Sarah Louise at a show. From some googling it turns out that she’s the leader of a Nigerois band called Les Filles de Illeghadad who you can probably look forward to seeing on next month’s playlist. I also learned that the demonym for someone from Niger is Nigerien or to minimise confusion with Nigeria, Nigerois (said in a french way). They play a sort of desert psych in the realm of Mdou Mocter or Tinariwen, but this song (also the only solo song she has on spotify) shows her acoustic side. I love the swirling melody over the drone as the hand percussion keeps it in place and I love the very delicate vocals, but a probably unintentional thing I love a lot about this recording is the unmistakable iphone locking sound near the very start that instantly removes so much of the mystic exoticism that these sorts of artists are often written about with and places it firmly in the same sprawling modern world we all live in.

Floating Rhododendron - Sarah Louise: I love Sarah Louise. She’s a phenomenal guitarist and has such a big love for traditional folk music with her side project House And Land, but unlike everyone else in the genre is also very interested in pushing guitar forward to new and strange places. Her latest album was super experimental layered electric guitars and voice that still managed to maintain the deep connection to nature that runs through all her work. I would also highly recommend following her on instagram because her passion runs over. She’s regularly just out in the woods somewhere explaining how wonderful a particular mushroom is.  This song one of the first ones I ever heard from her, and it’s back when she was just doing very beautiful 12 string acoustic work, but she recently added it to spotify and it’s a very nice reminder of where she came from and how far she’s gone in such a short time.

Lark - Angel Olsen: The new Angel Olsen is absolutely great. I love how much she is just completely going for it on this album, absolutely unleashing. Taken against earlier songs of hers I’ve loved like White Fire, where the majesty was in her quiet power and the ability to absolutely command silence with a whisper quiet song, this song feels like the direct inverse, an about-turn into all the gigantic majesty of swirling strings and top of your lungs vocals - going all out and leaving nothing on the table. The way this song blows up about three different times until by the end you’re caught in this gigantic swirling maelstrom of screaming sound is just out of this world.

Door - Caroline Polachek: Caroline Polachek’s brain is huge. When I first heard the chorus of this song I couldn't believe it. Are you allowed to have a chant that runs in a spiral like this be the chorus of your pop song? Is that allowed?

North, South, East And West - The Church: The Church feel like they don't get enough respect. They don't seem to be in the same league as Cold Chisel and The Angels and all the other dad rock Australian bands from that era for some reason. They're very good though and I've been really getting into this whole album and this song specifically lately. Maybe what's working against them is just how much his voice sounds like Bono's in this song but surely that was a boon at the time!

Western Questions - Timber Timbre: This has become one of my new favourite songs to sing. The way the words fit together is my favourite kind of poetics where they just sound incredible, phonetically, and can mean anything you like for large chunks. Like “the gelatinous walls of the seeds that seldom remain / while the bulls are  browsing needles through computer casinos / honour the name”. Especially “bulls are browsing needles through computer casinos” is just extremely nice to say. I love the character of this song and am yet to completely understand what it’s saying other than personifying some worldwide blackpilled spirit of nihilist evil. What I love is the experience of all encompassing evil in this song, like a worldwide conspiracy connecting everything together that makes it all make sense. It doesn’t make you happier but it makes it make sense. I also love the finality of the big fill near the end that ushers in the outro riff that ties everything up.

Cold Cold World - Blaze Foley: I got heavily into a country music thing this month and spent a bit of time trying to find ‘real’ country, which of course turns out not to exist at all. The entirety of country music is built on a false nostalgia for an imagined time long past when things were real, some unspecified time in the collective consciousness between cowboy times and coal mine times. I don’t say this to say ‘country music is a fraud’ but that it’s built on a foundation of myth and that’s what’s so good about it. It’s constantly reframing the past as it relates to the present and is energised by the friction between them. Blaze Foley is a good example of this in the modern era because he seems to exist more as a myth than a man. He had three studio albums, the master tapes of which all disappeared through various means (lost, stolen, seized by the DEA) and so the majority of his surviving material is live recordings or long-lost studio recordings that resurfaced decades after his death when his fame and mythology already preceded him. He also thankfully lives up to the myth, he was truly a great artist and it’s a shame more of him hasn’t survived.

Where The Golden Wattle Blooms / Why Did The Blue Skies Turn Grey  - Shirley Thoms: Further to what I was saying about country music before, Australian country is a whole other thing. Transferring the myth and the mythmaking to a new location adds another layer of abstraction. Shirley Thoms was the first female solo act to record country music in Australia in 1941 and was most notable for her yodelling of which she is damn fine. This is a great song and a good a starting point as any in trying to trace the origin of country music in Australia. That it's so english in its identity, so evidently imitating an american style (which is in turn imitating a german yodel) is just more good evidence that nothing is 'real' and traditions of the past and future are malleable at all times.

Talkin’ Karate Blues - Townes Van Zandt: Townes Van Zandt is widely regarded as a songwriter’s songwriter and one of the best country songwriters to ever live, but like a lot of great country songwriters also has one or two songs like this - strange comedy songs about learning karate and getting your arm ripped off.

Strange Tourist - Gareth Liddiard: This album is a masterpiece on the level of Ys and it feels criminally underlistened in my opinion. Luckily in the last week or so some renegade has done up the wiki article on it to a couple of thousand words so that's a start. Because this is a song I've listened to one million times and love a lot, it's hard for me to write about it in a general way so instead I'm going to talk about something very specific and new that I've only begun to appreciate recently. The way he uses the vowels of the japanese words to create these assonant runs in lines like "Koda Kumi sang a coda pink as sarin gas / I took a trip to Nagasaki in a rented Mitsubishi / Then went camping in the Jukai under Mount Fuji" and "They found him frozen in a hollow in Aokigahara forest where them harakiri weirdos go" is really something, and a nice illustration of the two sides of Liddiard's songwriting: densely technical poetics in a song about living with a housemate who was a real freak.

I Dream A Highway - GIllian Welch: I’m not even going to go into the lyrics of this because it’s such an out of this world perfect song but I’m going to say this: it’s really something that this song goes for nearly 15 minutes, sits on the same three chords the whole time and never ever feels long. This song is longer than Emily by Joanna Newsom but doesn’t feel like an epic of the same scale at all. It’s just a mournful slow ode to change and decay that goes on forever and could keeping going on for twice as long if it wanted to.

Deep Water - The Middle East: The way the vocals in the verses are delivered, trailing off and mumbling bits and pieces is somehow magical, like it’s more interested in communicating the gist and the feeling than the actual words. You can just pick whatever part of it you like. Petrol stations and a copper mine, the kind of place I think I could die. This song also has two minutes of silence at the end for album reasons so enjoy that.

listen here

[sweetheartjeongguk]

pretty kitty 2 (m)

pairing: taehyung x reader

genre: hybrid au, camgirl au, smut

rating: nc-17

warning(s): taehyung making dumb decisions, jimin being utterly confused (as always), jungkook and his assortment of fruits, good ol’ squirting, impregnation kink, daddy kink, unprotected sex

word count: 3.8k+

summary: temptation is a dangerous game to play. 

the discovery | the denial | the meeting | the aftermath | the payback

masterlist

Contrary to popular belief, Taehyung did not whip out his rusty romantic skills like in the cheesy rom-coms where he runs after you to make sure you’re okay and you instantly fall in love with him. While he prides himself on his handsome face, he can only go so far. The tiny amount of courage within him to follow after you fizzles like a pathetic flame, both from fear of rejection and fear of Seulgi beating his ass on the street for everyone and their mother to bear witness to.

Taehyung may come off as an intimidating tiger hybrid in the eyes of his classmates and every stranger he passes, but according to his oh-so lovely friends and (probably) his parents, he can be a bit of a pussy from time to time.

Instead, Taehyung, like all brave predators, shoves himself into one of the bathroom stalls of the café. He takes several deep breaths to himself, desperate to calm the anxiety and residual anger lingering in his chest. They’re irrational, he knows this all too well, but he couldn’t help it.

It’s like his tiger is reaching out to you only to be stuck behind an invisible barrier, reminding him of just how unobtainable you are.

“Tae?”

Taehyung coughs reflexively at the voice of his best friend echoing in the empty men’s bathroom. He hears a tired sigh – seconds later, there’s a gentle knock on the rickety stall door.

“You okay there, tiger?” Jimin asks cautiously.

“I’m getting there…” Taehyung tries to laugh, but it comes out wobbly and insincere.

He leans his forehead against the cold stall door before reminding himself of the colonies of germs plaguing the surface and stepping away in disgust. He can sense the curiosity emanating from Jimin – no doubt that Jimin’s formulating a whole script of questions for his best friend.

“Are you really that upset at Hoseok?” Jimin’s eyebrow ticks up. “You know he’s just messing around. Contrary to popular belief, Jung Hoseok has standards. He wouldn’t mess with any girl like that, especially if she’s your girl.”

“It’s not that.” Taehyung says abruptly. “She’s not my girl. She’s not…anyone.”

He mentally curses himself for speaking before his brain can tell him to shut his mouth and listen.

“Oh?” Jimin’s curiosity is practically tangible. “So what then?”

“Nothing.”

Taehyung clenches his fists in frustration. Why is he so worked up? The answer is perfectly clear, yet he’s adamant on forgetting the whole situation ever existed. How is he supposed to waltz into class on a seemingly normal Monday morning without looking over at your desk and imagining your nude body glistening in sweat and waiting to receive him?

Taehyung physically shakes away the intrusive thoughts. The less he spends in his own mind, the better his chances of forgetting the situation entirely. Sure, he can never look at you the same way again, and you kind of ruined regular porn for him – in a good way, but Taehyung can’t see how that benefits him in any way. Maybe, just maybe, if Taehyung suppresses the temptation to click on your channel and attempt at forgetting you ever exist, then everything will go back to normal! Easy peasy!

Taehyung’s wrong. Completely and utterly wrong.

After shoving himself back into his chair at the café and forcing himself to socialize with the others as if nothing’s wrong, he finds himself doing semi-okay. While Jimin’s eyes glance over at him more than usual, Taehyung’s doing better than he expected. The story of Yoongi getting stuck inside his studio and not being to get out for at least two days and only surviving on beef jerky and coffee in a can certainly stirs his mind away from the dirty thoughts of your lingerie and seductive lip-biting.

But once the seven of them depart to their own dorms in preparation for a new week of lectures and homework, Taehyung finds himself in his own personal hell.

Jimin watches from the corner of the classroom in half amusement and half concern at his best friend practically gnawing away at his thumb nail five minutes before the start of class. Fortunately for the younger of the two, Jimin doesn’t notice his wandering eyes towards a certain desk in the front of the room.

You sit in your seat patiently, fiddling with your pencil case and stopping for a second to wave at one of your friends who shouts a “Hi Y/N!” from across the room. You aren’t the most popular person in school, but you did have a small collection of friends here and there in the class.

Considering your online personality, it still baffles Taehyung how quickly your behavior switches up in a blink of an eye. His eyes threaten to dry out from how hard he watches your every move, but he manages to grab ahold of himself and finally blink some moisture into his now-strained eyeballs before someone discovers his not-so-discreet creepiness.

“She looks familiar.”

Taehyung swallows back a growl at Jungkook who he barely noticed was beside him the entire time, munching on an assortment of strawberries and blueberries. Jungkook’s unphased by Taehyung’s show of aggression – he has too many embarrassing stories of Taehyung that dulls his reactions as the years go by – but it doesn’t go unnoticed by a small group of girls a few seats away. They giggle and awe over Taehyung’s “masculinity” with obvious temptation reflecting in their eyes.

“Sooyoung, you have to get back in on that.” Seunghee whispers as if it’s the darkest secret of the universe.

Sooyoung, a dark-haired lynx hybrid with a fierce attitude to match, scoffs. “Who’s to say I ever left?”

The other girls surrounding her gasp and squeal in obvious delight, soaking in Sooyoung’s tales of the past and sighing at how “lucky” she is. Unbeknownst to them, you listen into the girls’ conversation in equal parts jealousy and irritation.

You’re irritated because you’d rather not hear about Taehyung’s “massive cock” on Monday morning before you’ve had a proper lunch. On the other hand, you’re jealous because you know all about Sooyoung and Taehyung – she’d definitely know a thing or two about his…penile situation.

“Sooyoung being cringy again?”

You sigh in relief at the sight of Seulgi who trudges in a minute late, her backpack lazily swung around her shoulders and her hair tangled in a messy bun as if she’d just woken up and rushed across campus for the lecture. Seeing as though you’ve known her for a good ten years, you’d say that your assumption’s correct.

“Rough morning?” You snort as you take in her complete appearance. “I didn’t know coffee stains and maple syrup were all the rage in the fashion industry.”

“Shut up.” Seulgi grimaces at the mess on her shirt. “I didn’t have time to do laundry yesterday. Yeri decided to use all the soap to clean her…delicates.”

You reflect her discomfort. “Doesn’t she know that she can wash them by hand?”

“She’s a neat freak who practically snorts Gain detergent.” Seulgi sighs in defeat. “There’s no way I can save the child from her destructive behavior.”

“Just buy some more soap, you weirdo.” You flick a manicured nail against her cheek. “Or like I’ve always told you, do laundry at my house. Joohyun told me that she’s waiting for your Just Dance rematch.”

“Oh yeah, don’t your sugar daddies pay for your water bill?”

You nearly choke on your own spit. Seulgi has no tact whatsoever, and you have no clue why she hasn’t gotten into trouble with it yet. It must be the Kang charm, as she loves to call it. You just call it how it is – pretty people BS.

“Not in public, Seulgi!” You resist the urge to flick her across the nose. “I have a job too, you know…”

Seulgi’s the only one in your friend group to actually know about your “camgirl career”, as she proudly dubs it. Joohyun nearly found out a month ago when you were camming and she accidentally came home unannounced. Thankfully, she just thought you were having a little “one-on-one” time and decided to leave you for the entire night.

While you constantly remind Seulgi that the sugar daddies are only for the bills and your college debt crisis, she likes to think that when you finally make a living with it (you don’t know where she gets her delusions), you’ll let her live with you and your sugar daddies in a million-dollar mansion in Seoul.

Truth be told, that actually sounds pretty spectacular. But you’d be damned if you’d let Kang Seulgi be right for once.

“No shame, no shame.” Seulgi waves her hands before going to unzip her backpack to grab her binder and pencils. “Who knew you can flash your pussy in front of thousands of people and get paid for it?”

She completely ignores your blushing red face as she continues muttering to herself. “Maybe I should do that.”

You practically dig your feet into the floor as you pray to a higher power that no one can hear Seulgi. Considering the entire class is made up of 80% hybrids, it’s a long shot but not entirely impossible. No one’s spoken up so far, so you take this as a miracle from the Lord as you sit back in relief and wait for the teacher to finally arrive to begin lecture.

Needless to say, you find yourself completely oblivious to the tiger hybrid a couple rows behind you who has been listening in since the start of class.

And the lynx hybrid who smirks dangerously at this fresh bit of juicy gossip.

“Are you finally going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

Taehyung ignores the poke to his cheek and instead focuses on finishing his essay for his psychology class.

Maybe if he took a page from Pavlov’s book, he can train Jimin to shut up every time he hears a bell ring. Jimin likes to call it “cruel and unusual punishment.” Taehyung dubs it “essential knowledge.”

“Nope.”

“How about now?”

“Nope.”

“Now?”

“You want me to punch you in the face?”

“Oh, so feisty.” Jimin giggles devilishly.

Taehyung rolls back his shoulders as he continues typing away at his laptop, reaching the final page of his essay. Slowly but surely, he’ll be done for the night and in time for his 5-hour nap session. At least then, Jimin won’t be around to nag on him anymore.

“Did you really hate the site I showed you? I got another one if you’re interested.”

Taehyung says nothing to this. For the next ten minutes, he wishes for complete and utter focus on his essay – at least until his reference page – and not the dreadful image of your sopping wet cunt replaying like an annoying infomercial across his brain.

“Oh…I see.” Jimin smirks at the lack of response. “Maybe you liked it a little too much? I understand…”

Jimin pauses to watch Taehyung’s face, but his boastful ego is only fed with the same deadpan look from ten minutes ago. He’ll have to step it up a notch – time for Phase III.

“Maybe you’ve just been watching the wrong ones. I had the same issue when I first discovered the site so you’re not alone.” Jimin sighs in fake despair. “If you want a good one, my friends’ been talking about that prettykitty channel, but I haven’t gotten around to—"

Skkrrt!

Jimin nearly flings himself out of his own chair at Taehyung’s abrupt leave. He barely takes time to completely shut down his computer, and Jimin’s pretty sure that he didn’t save his work either.

“Okay…goodbye, I guess.” Jimin grumbles to himself, scratching awkwardly at the nape of his neck.

What’s bothering Taehyung so much?

Taehyung has an answer for that, and it’s simply this. 

He’s going crazy. Complete and utterly bonkers. 

That’s it – the obvious explanation for the entire situation.

Stress from the new school semester mixed in with daily struggles like remembering to call his parents on their anniversary before he’s bombarded with angry texts from his mother or paying his tuition fees on time so that he doesn’t end up living in a box outside of his lecture hall.

Why else would he be so hung up on someone he barely even knows? Sure, he’s known you since you two were barely out of Pull-ups, and yeah, you’ve occasionally played together on the playground before you found your own groups to hang out with. College’s different – you’re two grown adults who are working towards a degree for a career that you’re bound to be stuck in for the rest of your lives. You both crave excitement – while his involves watching girls get themselves off on camera, you’re actually living as one of them!

Maybe that’s why he’s so enamored by the sudden discovery of this darker version of you behind the screen. You, the quiet and introverted student by day, become the loudest sex kitten known to mankind by night. It’s enough to shock anyone into a meaningless daze – much like the one Taehyung’s in right now.

‘It all makes sense now!’

“You just have to watch someone else…then you won’t think about her anymore.” Taehyung whispers to himself as he types in the infamous website. “Once you see a new pair of nice tits, you’ll get over hers.”

If Jimin and the rest of the boys, especially Namjoon who oversees the group as an unofficial leader, could hear him right now, Taehyung would be due for a smack in the head.

Regardless of what does and what doesn’t make sense, Taehyung likes to think that it’s the only possible solution to his ‘you’ problem.

Forget the old by welcoming something new.

He nods happily to himself as he scrolls through the list of camgirls on the site, pointedly ignoring the one that stands out to him the most.

The blinking red alert of “Live!” stares him straight in the face, but Taehyung gathers all of his emotional strength to skip over it completely to click on another.

It’s a bunny hybrid this time – Taehyung just knows that Jungkook would be creaming himself in under five seconds at the sight of the cottontail poking through black lace panties. The girl’s hot, Taehyung can’t deny that obvious fact. She’s already touching herself through the lace, with her free hand coming up to caress a sensitive nipple. He’s quickly reminded of his unofficial task of the night: forget all about prettykitty to focus on peachbun instead.

‘Foolproof plan, if I do say so myself.’

Somewhere, Namjoon clutches his heart from a sudden sting of pain – or was it betrayal?

He reaches down to slowly stroke his cock through his sweatpants, getting himself warmed up as the girl continues touching herself. He smirks to himself as he falls into a relaxed state, welcoming in her soft moans and sleek sounds from her pussy as she starts stretching herself out with two fingers.

Not even two minutes in, and Taehyung finds himself in trouble.

He frowns as he switches between rapid tugging and stroking at a snail’s pace. Nothing. Not even the sight of the girl’s pebbled nipples and overflowing sleek over her thighs can make Taehyung as hard as a rock.

If anything, his dick’s as hard as an al dente pasta noodle.

He pouts as his dick sits as limp as ever against his stomach. If dicks could have sad faces, his would be the poster child. He can practically hear Jimin and the others mimic sad violins behind him, mocking him for his complete and utter failure of a boner. Taehyung can’t help but think that God’s purposely against him for watching porn – or so, his mother would probably say.

Taehyung bites his lip pensively as he scrolls back to the top of the page. Your channel teases him, the red ‘Live’ button winking incessantly and slowly provoking him to click, to give into the temptation. He plays with the idea of searching through more camgirl channels, but suddenly even that feels like a tedious chore.

He knows what he wants – he just can’t (shouldn’t) have it. Taehyung moves the mouse to click out of the webpage, but his own stubbornness freezes him in his tracks, the mouse icon hovering over the exit button.

It’s Monday evening – the end of a hard day’s work at school. He completed his psychology essay on time with a couple hours to spare, and he made sure to send the extra time to answer all the messages in his emails, especially the one from his little siblings who bombarded him to spend them money to buy new games at the mall, and clean up his bathroom after God knows how many months.

Taehyung deserves a little pampering for himself (as awkward as it sounds) – a little “self-care”, so to speak – so…why not?

Before he can physically rip himself away from his laptop and chuck himself through his dorm room window, Taehyung clicks on your livestream and waits as it loads. It had been about 5 minutes since your livestream started, and Taehyung hopes that he hasn’t missed much.

It’s as if invisible hands are strangling him when Taehyung finally enters the livestream.

You’re indeed streaming…but you’re not alone.

“F-fuck, Daddy, yes.” You cry out as the man drives his hips into yours, his veiny hand wrapped tightly around your throat. “Fuck m-my little pussy. Fill me up with your kittens.”

The sight of you, complete with your ears and tail, being obliterated by an unknown man is enough for Taehyung’s cock to fill up and ache to be touched. He should be angry – at most, he’s a little bit jealous. Instead, he’s completely drawn into the image of someone else’s cock inside of you and the wetness that spills over onto the sheets and down your thighs.

Taehyung whines pathetically as he grips his own cock on his right hand, tugging in tandem with the man’s thrusts. He can hear every lewd squelch of your pussy as it clings to the man’s dick in a tight vice. By the sound of his throaty grunts, it only keeps riling hm up. While the man’s face is never shown, Taehyung gets a front-row view of your fucked-out expression – the most important part of the show, in his opinion.

You’re drenched in sweat and come, but you still look as pretty as you did today. You lean upwards to crash your lips against the stranger’s and as you pull away, a cute little string of spit drips from your bottom lip. Your tiny hands grasp at the bedsheets in desperation – in a sneaky attempt to touch your clit, the man smacks at your wrists, and you assume your original position.  

“O-Oh shit, that feels so good.” You giggle through every harsh thrust, stretching your legs out further so that his cock fills your hole deeper and deeper. “Daddy always knows how to take care of his little pussy in heat. He knows how to make his kitten feel so good.”

Taehyung swallows dryly -- your little stream’s a pretend heat session. You didn’t show any signs of an actual heat in class, so it’s a fair assumption that you’re just playing it up for views and tips. It plants a little image in the viewers’ heads of you being in heat just for them. Meanwhile, you work to stack up cash for the night, aiming for $5k in about an hour. Last time, you’d gotten $2k, and you had only streamed for less than an hour, so your expectations are more or less obtainable.

As Taehyung continues fucking up into his clenched fist, he takes a peek at the comment section that goes berserk. Comments such as “You look so fucking hot!” and “I can’t wait for you to come all over yourself, baby” are the most common that he sees – and they are absolutely right.

“Come in my little pussy, Daddy.” You whimper as the man’s thrusts start to become sloppy, his hand that once grips at your throat moving down to grip your sides.

You lean onto your chest in order to reach behind you and knead your cheeks apart, his wet thrusts hitting every sweet spot possible. It’s hard to not roll your eyes back in pleasure, but you keep your eyes on the man, pouting cutely as you silently beg for your quick release.

“Does my little kitty like that, huh?” Taehyung subtly snarls at the commanding tone of the stranger.

Maybe he’s more than a little jealous.

“I f-fucking love it.” Your own hips grind back onto his cock, desperate to milk out whatever release he had for you.

The feeling of his fingers brushing against your tail sends tingles down your spine and into the apex of your thighs. You’re reaching the end of your rope, and Taehyung sees it even before it finally happens.

Taehyung closes his eyes as he tightens his fist around his wet cock. He’s so close to his own release, but he wants to wait until you come – a lame excuse to pretend that you’re coming on his cock and not some stranger’s, that you’re the one receiving his come and being filled up with his kittens.

“I’m coming!”

Taehyung pants as he watches your face transform into a look of sheer bliss as your juices spray all over the man’s cock and onto the already sodden bedsheets. You’re suddenly lifted up against his broad chest, the audience catching a glimpse at the cock snug deep in your creamy pussy, and the man fucks up in quick bursts as he reaches his own end.

“What a good kitty.” The man purrs as his fingers trail down your stomach to flick gently at your pink pearl.  

You purr in response as you feel his warm come fill you up, the overstimulation on your clit bringing together a perfect mixture of pain and pleasure. When it becomes too much, you twitch away from his fingers, a whine parting from your swollen lips. You accidentally shift off his cock with a wet pop, a steady stream of come dripping from your little hole and mixing in with your clear juices from before.

The sight’s too much for Taehyung to handle, and he can’t stop himself from staining his t-shirt with the white ropes of his own come. His breath grows heavy with each finishing stroke until his cock becomes too sensitive, forcing him to pull away and take a much-needed breather.

However, his eyes stay glued to your form as you wave goodbye to your viewers, giggling profusely as the man plants multiple kisses along the curve of your back. Your adorable laughter soon morphs into decadent whimpers once you feel his warm tongue lick away the remaining come that coats your cunt.

“Dream of me tonight, Daddy.”

Your blissful sigh is all Taehyung witnesses before the livestream officially ends, leaving Taehyung to clean up his mess.

Both literally and metaphorically.

[loreleilee500]

Order of Merlin

A small fluff one-shot I wrote about the day Newt receives the Order of Merlin in 1979. Over 50 years after they met, Newt and Tina reflect on what their relationship has meant. 

Newt looked in the mirror trying to figure out what was bothering him about his appearance. He straightened his robe and bow tie for the fifth time.  His hair, once rust colored, now mostly grey was always sticking out in all directions. He sighed frustrated at his appearance. Then grunted annoyed by his preoccupation with it. When had he every cared how he looked? He sat down on a bench in the room twiddling his thumbs for a moment before standing back up straitening his tie, yet again.

“You look fine. I would tell you if you didn’t.” Newt spun around and saw his wife leaning against the door. He hadn’t even heard her come in. Smirking she pushed off from the wall and walked over to him.

“I don’t look fine.” Newt grumbled. “I look old, but I guess there is nothing to be done about that.”

Tina almost rolled her eyes but didn’t. Pulling a piece of lint off his robe. “Just because you have grey hair and some wrinkles doesn’t mean you are old. Just last week I saw you chase unicorn foal around the forest. Not exactly something an old man would do.”

“This coming from someone who has not aged at all in the past 20 years, and I am older than you.” Newt said to his wife with a smile. In his opinion, she was just as beautiful as ever. Although Tina did have streaks of grey, she still held herself with the same grace and power.

“I think at our age four years hardly matters.” Tina started getting ready for an argument but saw his are moment of self-consciousness had passed. He sat down on the bench holding up his hand as an invitation for him to join her. She intertwined her fingers with his as she sat. After a few moments of comfortable silence, Newt pulled out his speech cards from his pocket. He must have read those cards 100 times in the past week.

“You’re going to be spectacular. There is no reason to be nervous.” Tina said nudging his shoulder with her’s. “You speak in front of groups all the time. This is no different.”

“I’m not nervous.” Newt said a little too quickly. His wife just gave him a knowing look. With that look, Newt could tell Tina knew he was lying but made no comment of it. He certainly loved that woman.

If he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t sure why he was so nervous. While public speaking had never been a strength for him, it usually no longer brought the anxiety that had plagued him very early in his career. He supposed having to make so many appearances to groups around the world to ask for funding or just give a lecture had made it part of his everyday life. Tina always said that as he aged he became more confident because he no longer cared what others thought of him. Newt secretly knew he was more confident because she continuously encouraged and supported him through the years. This day just seemed to mean more than others he had been a part of.

“We should probably head out. The ceremony will be starting soon.” Tina said standing. Walking out of the small room Newt had been given to prepare for the night, the couple entered a large marble lobby filled with hundreds of witches and wizards impeccably dressed. A large banner floated in the air glittering and shooting off fireworks every few minutes. It read Order of Merlin Ball 1979.

As they entered the actually ballroom, Newt sucked in a sharp breath as he saw hundreds of round tables positioned around the room, many of them already filled. Everything looked perfect from the white table clothes to the perfectly set plates. The room buzzed with excitement. Tina squeezed Newts hand and gently pulled on it. He hadn’t realized he had stopped in his tracks right in the doorway.

The rest of the Scamander family was already seated at their assigned table. His children, their spouses, and his elder grandchildren were all there. He walked around greeting each one of them until the lights dimmed in the room signaling the ceremony was about to start. Newt quickly walked over to Tina and kissed her on the forehead.

“You’ll be absolutely marvelous.” she whispered before he left to take his place back stage with the other award recipients.

Back stage Newt heard the Minister of Magic begin his opening remarks and then it really hit him. He could not believe he was truly receiving an Order of Merlin. When the time came for the recipients to go out on stage Newt’s heart was about to pound out of his chest. He stood in line with the other recipients as the Minister called out each other their names and a list of their achievements. Members of the Wizengamot came down the line presenting each inductee with their gold medal. When Newt’s name was called, he could hear his family cheering loudly.

Each recipient sat in chair at the back of the stage taking turns coming up to give a small speech. The first 3 speeches flew by and Newt didn’t hear one word. Before he knew it, Prime Minister Minchum announced, “And now, we will hear from Newton Scamander, Order of Merlin Second Class, honored tonight for his contributions to the field of Magizoology.

Newt stood and made his way to the podium. Searching the crowd, he locked eyes with Tina. She smiled and gave him a small nod. Focusing only on her he began his speech.

“First, I would like to thank the ministry and the Wizengamot for choosing me for this prestigious award. It truly is an honor. As a boy growing up here in England, I never imagined I would do anything in my life that would warrant receiving the Order of Merlin. You think only important people receive such a thing; your childhood heroes. I was simply an odd boy who followed his passion, and it took me around the world. It took me to places that I have only dreamed of and brought me in contact with magical creatures we never knew existed. I was told I was being honored today for my life’s work, but it really hasn’t felt like work because I have enjoyed it so much.”

“The committee told me it would be nice if I shared a little anecdote or story about one of my favorite encounters with a creature. I was racking my brain, which seems to be getting older by the moment, and I noticed a pattern. While my stories are numerous, I realized all of my favorites feature my wife, Tina.” Newt looked down and smiled at Tina who was beaming up at him.  “She has spent so much time and energy helping me find and study these magnificent creatures, that I certainly wouldn’t be up here today without her. She couldn’t always come with me because some trips were too dangerous for the children or she was busy with her duties as an Auror. However, all my favorite trips were with her and often our children, too.  Because sharing the moment with someone you love makes it 10 times more rewarding. This one in particular has always stuck with me.”

Newt proceeded to tell the story of the summer the family spent in the Andes mountains searching for Amaru. The story had excitement, intrigue, and humor that kept the audience chuckling and engaged.

               “As you can see my wife is brilliant and a lifesaver.” He said coming to the end of the story. Newt looked at Tina again who was smiling proudly, and he couldn’t hold back. “Not only is she those things but she is also my best friend. She is loving, kind, intelligent, driven, brilliant with a wand, and cool under pressure. She has been my companion, encourager, and my rock. She is an excellent mother to our children, and a dotting grandmother. Never in a million years would I deserve someone like her, yet here she is.  Anyone who can put up with me for over 50 years deserves a medal.” He stated holding his up. “So, this, Tina, my darling, is all for you.” Newt nodded his head to the audience and began to walk off the stage as he received a large ovation.

               He climbed down the stage stairs and sat down at his family’s table as the Minister of Magic began introducing the recipients for the Order of Merlin First class. Tina quickly leaned forward to give him a kiss on the cheek before intertwining her fingers with his. The reminder of the evening was long and tedious. So many people to socialize and talk with.  A band played, all the tables were magicked away, and people dance. Delicious food was served and stories were swapped. By the time it was over, Newt was quite ready to go home.

After saying goodbye to the children, it was finally time to go to sleep. While Newt was preparing for bed, he looked at the medal on his dresser. Suddenly, he felt Tina’s arms wrap around his abdomen from behind.

“You said some lovely things tonight, Mr. Scamander.” Her voice was muffled against his back.

“I meant every word I said.” He said patting her arm and then turning so that she faced him.

“I know. That’s what made them so lovely, but I can’t help but wonder. Were you trying to seduce me?” Tina asked with that mischievous grin that had not changed in over 50 years. It also made him laugh. Her pulled her tightly into his arms.

“That depends.” Newt replied. “Are you willing to be seduced?”  

“I’m not sure. Probably not tonight. I’m pretty tired.” Tina admitted looking apologetically.

“Oh, thank goodness. Me too.” The both laughed and Newt gave his wife a kiss on the forehead before going to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Ten minutes later as they both sat in bed, Newt tried to read a research article a college had sent him while Tina absent mindedly stroked their pet Kneezle.

“We leave for Thailand in 5 days.” Tina said after a few minutes. “We have a lot or packing to do, and we need to triple check all our supplies. Those Loto aren’t going to be easy to find.” Newt merely hrumphed in reply.

“Do you think we are getting too old for this?” Newt asked suddenly, peering at Tina over the top of his glasses.

“Why would you ever thing that?’ Tina asked a little offended. “We still have so many places you’ve planned to go.”

“I know.” Newt held up his hand to calm her down. “I was just thinking that if you wanted to explore these places at a more leisurely pace or more spaced out we could. I know when you retired from the Auror office you were looking for something a little different.”

“When I retired from the Auror office, I wanted to break from paperwork and seeing all the horrible things wizards do to each other. That doesn’t mean I don’t want excitement in my life.” She paused for a second. “I don’t think we would even be able to function without excitement. It seems from the moment I met you we’ve been non-stop. I suspect we would kill each other if we just sat around together all do day a whole bunch of nothing.” She looked over at him. “Really Newt, what’s brought this on?”

“Just thinking.” He mused. “And you’re right, we aren’t too old. Dumbledore is older than either than us and I think he is 4 times as busy. Let’s go to bed now.” He gave her a quick kiss before extinguishing the lights with his wand.

               “Newt?” Tina called several minutes later to see if his was still awake.

“Yes, love?” He answered with a sleepy yawn.  

“I really do appreciate those things you said in your speech today. I feel the same way. I could not be where I am without you.” Tina said into the darkness.

“You are quite capable on your own, my dear. Your talent as an Auror has nothing to do with me. Although, I will admit I played a part in the conception of our children. Motherhood would have been difficult to achieve on your own.” Newt chuckled at his own joke.

               Tina was a bit annoyed. “I don’t think you understand what I’m trying to say. You know it’s difficult for me to put into words how I feel. I just think that…”

               “It’s fine, Tina. I understand.” Newt said trying to snuggle closer to his wife so she would hopefully let him go to sleep.

               She pushed him away. “No Newt. I don’t think you do. I’ve been thinking about this all evening. Let me just get his out.” Tina took a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling. “You are patient and kind and you always know exactly what to say to cheer me up. You can read my moods better than anyone, even Queenie, and she can literally read my mind. You never once asked me to give up my career even when you were incredibly busy and successful and we had small children. You always cover me with a blanket when I fall asleep on the couch. You are the world’s best father. You are slow to anger and quick to apologize. You treat every person and creature you met with the highest respect even if they don’t deserve it. You chose to see the best in people, including me. And I am so thankful that you chose to see the best in me because I know it’s not always easy. You have accepted me as I am from day one and my greatest honor in life is being your wife and best friend. You think I would have made it just fine on my own, but you are wrong. I wouldn’t want to live in a world without you. And that, and so much more, is why you deserved that medal.”

               Newt was a delightfully stunned. He knew Tina felt all these things and loved him. He had known that for years through her actions and the way she looked at him. He never once doubted but there was something to be said about hearing it out loud, and as Tina had admitted it was not always easy for her to put it into words. Newt reached over and pulled her very tightly to his chest.

               “Being your husband and a father to our children are still my favorite achievements. I guess this just proves that all this time we really just needed each other. And that is what has made us perfect partners. There is no one like you my love, and for that I am thankful.” Tina sighed contentedly in his arms.

Snuggled close together the Scamanders fell asleep dreaming of the next adventures they would soon share together.

Thanks for reading! You can find this and more stories I’ve written at https://www.fanfiction.net/u/7091677/LoreleiLee500