#within a span of a week with lots and lots of distractions

[astridkolch]

IT'S DONE!!

But most importantly, sleep 😴

[jaylaxies]

ONLY IF YOU SAY YES (please say yes)

PAIRING: heeseung x fem!reader

GENRE: enemies to lovers, smut, fluff, angst, masturbation, cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected sex, squirting, lots of kissing, mention of food, usage of nicknames, featuring jay, jake, sunoo, wonie, karina and ningning (aespa), and beomgyu (txt).

WORD COUNT: 17.4k words

SYNOPSIS: having your enemy in your friend group was tiring enough, however, having him shift into your apartment at the same time all your roommates slash friends had to leave you alone to attend their club’s exchange program for a whole week? yeah, that was your final straw.

WARNING: 18+ content, minors dni.

A/N: hihi loves <3 i know i’m late, but better late than never, right? this fic wouldn’t have been complete without my loves @hoondrop , @jaeminvore and @jeane-e giving me ideas throughout. i hope you guys will like it :3 (not proofread) all likes, comments, reblogs and feedbacks are highly appreciated! iloveyou all <33

Chapter 1. The café. 

The sound of keyboard clicking always clicked your brain in the right way, especially when you were collectively using your brain and will to finish and submit the assignment—which was due in, oh well, thirty minutes. 

It should’ve been perfect, you thrived working under pressure, you were researching on your favourite topic and were sitting in the comfort of your favourite cafe. It should’ve been the ideal environment for you to work on and yet, that just wasn’t the case. 

You were so close to completing it, finally working your brain to form the best possible conclusion for the assignment, but that was the exact second your train of thought broke, courtesy of the most obnoxiously loud laugh you’d ever had the pleasure of hearing. 

“Can’t you shut up for a fucking second?” Your voice boomed through your friend group, reaching the person who was sitting right beside you, “just because you have nothing to do doesn’t mean that others are free of work too,” you ranted, frustration clear on your face. 

Your words were clear, however, the guy only smiled in amusement, causing your other friends to sigh. 

You took that second to cuss out just how effortlessly devious he looked with his ruffled black hair, his specs perched upon his perfectly upturned nose only hid his dark eyes as he stared at you, his lips a light shade of red from how much he bit it while trying to suppress his laugh, and a smirk always plastered on his annoying little face. 

“Can’t you guys stop fighting and fuck it out or something? The sexual tension is so insanely thick, I might have to use a knife to cut it down,” Sunoo huffed out, staring at your way disapprovingly. 

“It’s too obvious if I’m being honest, Heeseung can’t stop talking about Y/n even when she’s not around,” Jay went on, giving his input, your eyebrow cocking up his way. 

“Wait! Do you remember the Beomgyu guy? Fifteenth March, twenty twenty four, he was coming to ask Y/n out and, Heeseung completely sabotaged it by grabbing her book and running away to some other place as soon as Beomgyu started walking towards Y/n? Which distracted her as she ran after him,” Jungwon said, eyes wide and head nodding as he agreed with himself. 

“Oh and, when Y/n got herself the vanilla perfume when she overheard Heeseung mentioning he hated the scent of vanilla?” Winter added. 

“Right. When in reality he’s quite literally obsessed with that scent,” Sunghoon chuckled, watching your eyes widen in disbelief. 

“And now she smells just like he wants each day, not that he wasn’t obsessed with your scent already,” Ningning helpfully added with a shrug. 

You blinked twice to process this, having gone through a series of emotions within the span of two minutes was a tiring process, however, Heeseung was only amused, as if the teasing didn’t get to him at all. 

Almost as if he was enjoying it. 

“Oh, fuck you guys. He’s not worth my attention.” You side eyed Heeseung, the corner of his lip quirking up with your comment. 

You still had your assignment to finish, and there was absolutely no way you were going to sit next to Heeseung with your cheeks heating up at the countless instances of your so called obsession thrown your way, so you got up, trying to collect your papers and laptop, only for your wrist to be grabbed by Heeseung. 

“I’m not worth your attention and yet you’re leaving, hm?” He asked, voice so calm, almost as sweet as honey as he stared into your eyes, smirking soon after, “are you sure I don’t affect you in any way, darling?” 

A series of hoots slash gasps were heard, which surely disturbed the entire cafe but your friend group lived for the drama. 

You scoffed, looking elsewhere, trying to walk away but his grip on your wrist was too strong. 

“Let go, Heeseung,” you gritted your teeth. 

“Wow,” Sunghoon whispered, sipping on his drink with more interest than ever. 

“I think you’re obsessed with me,” he chuckled, voice smoother than velvet, tugging your wrist closer to him, a gasp leaving your mouth as you trip and fall right on his lap, “am I wrong?” 

Two flashes went off at that very second, your wide eyes turning to look at Sunoo and Ningning with an accusatory glance as your heart beated out of your chest, his arms holding you close to his body. 

“Don’t let us interrupt, go on,” Sunoo nodded, making you groan while Karina tried to say something to calm you down, which your mind didn’t bother registering in the middle of the chaos. 

“Don’t fucking create a scene here and let me go,” you warned Heeseung, looking at him, trying to ignore the evident lack of distance between your bodies, and well, your faces. 

“Only if you agree to it, darling,” He whispered back. 

“I don’t think we should watch this anymore,” Jay coughed out in distance. 

“There’s nothing to agree here, Heeseung,” you gritted out, trying to get up and get out of his grasp. 

“Yeah?” He asked. 

“Yeah,” you whispered.

“Fine, then live with me for a week.”

“What?”

“Wait, what?”

“Huh?” 

You didn’t even bother realizing which friend exclaimed what, you just stared at Heeseung in disbelief, hating the fact that his vanilla musk scent was invading your senses. 

“Have you officially lost your mind?” You asked, genuinely concerned.

He shook his head with a little chuckle, eyeing the whole friend group as if they’ve been hiding something you should be knowing. Their gulps and inability to meet Heeseung’s eyes only made you more curious, “what the fuck is going on?” You asked. 

“We’re practically gonna be roommates now,” Heeseung let out ever so smoothly. 

“What?” You asked back dumbly, ignoring Jay’s cough in the background. 

“Well, you see,” Karina started with an awkward laugh, “Since Sunoo moved out to live in the dorms now, one room is empty in our apartment,” she explained, playing with her nails just to avoid your gaze. 

“And you’re giving it to him?” You asked, thumb pointing at Heeseung in a very demeaning manner. 

“Well, ouch,” he commented just to piss you off more. 

“Wow guys. And when were you planning on telling me all this?” You asked, annoyance heightened even more, you could feel a headache coming, almost rushing to you from a mile away. 

“Well, we’re all going for the exchange program next week so we figured it would be nice for Heeseung to shift before that, given that you both are the only ones in our group who didn’t bother joining our exchange program club,” Jake tried to avoid eye contact as he explained. 

Your mind was spinning. Having Karina, Ningning, Jay, Sunghoon, and Jake as your roommates was enough even though Sunoo moved out, albeit you had to pay more rent, but having Heeseung in the same space as you each day? Sharing the necessities, eating together, commenting on your daily lifestyle with the nastiest smirk on his face? Criticizing the way you pair up your comfortable shorts with the same, favourite pair of T-shirt you own each day just because it feels right. The way—

“I don’t think there’s gonna be any problem in all honesty, cause she’s comfortable with me already,” Heeseung pointed out, gripping your waist tighter, a reminder that you were still sitting on his lap. 

You gripped on his arm, digging your fingers to hurt him, “I’ll kill you if you don’t let me get up this second,” you seethed out, your ears warmer than ever. 

“Just agree to it then, baby,” he whispered, staring at your lips and even your friends had stopped looking your way by now, not wanting to interrupt anymore. 

“A week alone with you would be nothing but hell, Lee Heeseung,” you said, still looking into his eyes. 

“I’ll take that as a yes then. A bet is a bet baby, don’t fall in love with me,” he winked, loosening his grip on you as you got up right that second. 

Even your legs felt wobbly by now, the proximity being too much for you to handle. Yet, you weren’t one to lose. 

“Love and me? Ah, yes why not? Your own face is blood red with how much you’re blushing, I hope that helps,” you pointed out before grabbing your belongings and rushing out of the cafe, completely missing the smile on Heeseung’s face. 

“They’re down bad, aren’t they?” Jake whisper-asked Jay, who chuckled. 

“Yeah. Yes, they are.”

Chapter 2. The humble abode. 

Rushing out of the café was the only thing you could manage to do, getting into your car and deciding to do your assignment right there before getting back home and thinking about what happened a few minutes back. 

It wasn’t easy. 

Not when your ears were burning hot, and you weren’t even sure if it was because of anger or embarrassment. Or the underlying fear of what was to come. 

Heeseung was going to be your roommate. 

The same Heeseung who had been nothing but annoying throughout your high school years, and now, in your university too. Having the same group of friends helped, it really did as you could avoid him (read: or try to avoid him) but having him invade your personal living space would revoke any sense of comfort for you. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

You were tired, almost lifeless on the couch after you had typed out your assignment, keeping your swirl of emotions to yourself, however, you weren’t gonna let your friends get away with this.

Which is why you attacked Jake as soon as he entered the apartment. 

And he silently cussed himself for being the first one to come back home. 

“Listen, I know you’re mad,” he started, sighing and brushing his hair back as he made his way towards you, sitting down right next to you. 

“I’m so gonna die,” you mumbled. 

“But it won’t be that bad, trust me. You won’t even have to be home all day, you can hang out with your friends and just come back, sleep, avoid him and repeat the cycle!” Jake smiled, as if he had solved the biggest problem this world had. 

“Right. All my friends, including your stupid ass, will be going out for an exchange program. Did you forget that, Jakey?” you smiled back sarcastically. 

“Don’t you have any other friends?” He asked and you slapped his head, “ouch!”

“Where are others anyway?” You asked, looking around the empty apartment. 

“Hoon and Ning should’ve been back by now, they left right after you did,” he said, you both stood up a second after in realization. 

He tiptoed to the door of Hoon’s room while you made your way to Ning’s room, “ready?” you smiled, “three, two, one—”

And there they were, in their respective rooms, practically eating the faces of their girlfriends. 

“Wow, now that’s life,” you chuckled as Ning stopped and looked at you with a red face, while her girlfriend, Nics, waved hi to you. 

On the other hand, Sunghoon only cussed out loud, trying to hide his girlfriend, Moon, as he asked Jake to ‘close the damn door.’

“Well, when’s he shifting?” You asked, retrieving back to your old position on the couch. 

“I think he’s gonna start sending his stuff in here like, today,” Jake nodded, checking the date. 

“I’m gonna explode. This is not how I wanted to spend my vacations,” you groaned and Jake only patted your back softly. 

“It’s okay, it’ll be okay,” Jake smiled. 

Not even a second later, the sound of the door swinging open startled you, your body shifting close to Jake’s in the process, as he did the same, a hand on top of his beating heart. 

As soon as Heeseung entered the apartment, carrying a duffle bag on his back, his eyes fell on how you and Jake sat in close proximity, staring at him with a questionable glare, his eyebrow cocking up at the sight. 

“Since when are you guys so close—cozy with each other?” He asked, walking to you both, a scoff leaving your lips as you stood up, standing right in front of him. 

“And how’s that any of your business?” You asked, walking away and making sure to bump your shoulder to his in the process. 

“Ah,” he chuckled, shaking his head as he heard you walk to your room, slamming the door shut behind you, his eyes finally turning to Jake, giving him a look he couldn’t quite decipher. 

Jake only tilted his head, not understanding the enmity between you, also the sudden change in the atmosphere of the room, he only looked at Heeseung with confused eyes as he asked:

“What did I do?” 

Chapter 3. Not so humble. 

Heeseung loved to make his presence known, especially when he observed how hard you tried to avoid him every passing second, as if you didn’t wish to acknowledge him at all. He was settling in just fine. In fact, he made sure to send in his bed the first thing the next day, which only gave him the perfect opportunity to stay for the dinner, rest the night, and stay for the breakfast before winding up his stuff at his old place. 

It was still fine when he sat down next to you for meals, at least you had your friends around for four more days, which helped you ignore the said man for a while. 

It was still okay when he continuously poked your arm to ask you for a spoon that was clearly closer to him, yet you passed it to him before turning your attention back to Ning, who was around for three more days. 

It was still bearable when he played loud music at night, making sure to blast it on the speaker right after playing video games, which definitely irritated all your friends, but Jay was kind enough to lend you his noise cancellation headphones as you went to sleep, which you could keep for two more days. 

It was your last straw when Heeseung stabbed his fork way out of where it should’ve been. There was absolutely no reason for Heeseung to eat from your plate, and not just any dish but your favourite side dish. That’s when you took a deep breath, turning to look at him, only to be surprised as he was ready with his fork up, offering you a bite of the exact same snack he had picked up from your plate. 

His brow was raised, and Hoon looked concerned, being the only one who sat down to have dinner with you guys, but Heeseung didn’t really seem to mind. 

“What? Don’t wanna eat anymore, princess?” He asked. 

“I’d rather die than eat from the same plate as you,” you said, trying to ignore his muscles which were clearly visible as he was clad in the comfort of his tank top. 

“Why not? I’ve heard it helps in spreading love y’know?” He said, biting his lower lip as he looked your way. 

“Hah, as if.”

“Scared you’ll fall for me?” He smirked. 

You scoffed, grabbing his hand and taking a bite of what should have been your meal, chewing it before saying, “let’s see what kind of love is gonna spread now, yeah?” 

You gave him a look before retreating back to your room. 

“Why exactly are you bothering her?” Hoon asked, taking a spoonful of rice in his mouth, “are you that desperate for her attention, loverboy?” 

“C’mon, I’m not in love with her,” Heeseung spoke lazily, eyes still on your closed door. 

“Right,” Hoon clicked his tongue, “you’ve never once denied it.”

“It’s just fun to see her bothered, she hates me anyway—”

“—which bothers you, and hence you try to grab her attention even more,” Sunghoon said, as calm as ever. 

“Stop. You’re crazy,” Heeseung laughed it off, getting up and throwing a piece of carrot on Hoon, who in turn threw a cap of the water bottle right on Heeseung’s head, making him scream out comically as Hoon chuckled, mumbling something under his breath. 

“They’ll be fucking by the time we come back.”

Chapter 4. Not your driver. 

“Toothbrush?”

“Check.”

“Laptop?”

“Check.”

“Charger?”

“Check.”

“Passport?”

“Oh fuck, I almost forgot that,” Karina gasped as you helped her finish some last minute packing. 

“I don’t wanna go to uni, but I have to submit these files,” you sighed while Karina finally zipped up her bag.

“I would have dropped you there but I have to pick up Ningning from her girlfriend’s place,” she sighed. 

The door opened right then, “I couldn’t help but overhear—”

You rolled your eyes, “—eavesdrop.”

“Overhear,” Heeseung repeated, “that you need a ride. I’m going that way I’ll drop you off,” he smiled. 

You stared at him, expressionless. 

You wanted to punch the perfect smile off his face. 

“I told him to be nice to you, so hopefully he’s gonna follow that,” Karina gave her input at your obvious reaction. 

You looked her way with a surprised smile, “you did?”

“Of course! You should go now,” she said, shooing you away and asking you to get back as soon as your friends will be leaving by the evening. 

“Yeah, we should save the gas and travel together, be good to the environment and our Mother Earth,” Heeseung cheeked. 

“Oh! Great, I have to go and submit my file too, can I tag along?” Jake asked, looking at you. 

“Yes!”

“No!”

You and Heeseung exchanged glances. 

“We’ll share, we have to take care of our environment, Heeseung,” you smiled, grabbing Jake’s arm and walking out of the apartment. 

You didn’t wait before getting into the backseat, which made Jake opt for the passenger seat, Heeseung looked your way in disbelief, even more so when you smiled his way. 

It was one of the few genuine smiles of yours, which Heeseung didn’t get to see much around him, however it was a given that him being irritated brought you happiness. 

Jake’s campus was farther away, yours was comparatively closer, and you looked out as Heeseung played music—one of those bands he loved, but he didn’t stop at your campus. 

“Hey, she has to get off,” Jake said, looking at Heeseung. 

“I’ll drop you off first, you have a flight in a few hours,” he theorized. 

You rolled your eyes. 

“Since when do you care so much about everyone?” You asked, looking at his eyes through the front mirror. 

“I don’t,” he said, winking back at you, “only you.”

You sighed, closing your eyes as Jake got off, saying a goodbye to you both. 

However, Heeseung didn’t start the car again, which caused you to open your eyes again, “why aren’t you driving?” 

“I’m not a driver, my love. Sit here,” he patted the passenger seat twice. 

“You can’t be serious, it’s literally a five minute drive.”

“Six minutes now that you’ve wasted sixty seconds arguing with me,” he spoke, checking his watch as if that would do anything. 

You rolled your eyes yet again, something you’d do quite frequently around him, but nevertheless, you got off and walked to the passenger seat, closing the door shut and grabbing the seatbelt, only to turn around and see Heeseung’s face right in front of you. 

“W—what are you doing?” You asked, breath shaky. 

“Was gonna help you with the belt, but you’re fast hm?”

“I can do it—”

“Shh, just sit comfortably,” he whispered, his warm fingers touching yours, covering your hand fully before you let go of the belt, allowing him to buckle you up. 

His messy hair fell on his forehead in soft waves, a constellation of light freckles covered his cheek, a broken eyelash rested there comfortably, and his scent, his ever so present scent invaded your scenes yet again. 

“You’ve got a little something here,” you told him gently, pointing out where his eyelash was. 

“Oh, just a minute,” he mumbled, carefully picking it up and placing the lash on the back of his hand.  

Observing him was all you could do, especially when he looked so innocent as he closed his eyes, mumbling something under his breath before he curled his lips into a sweet pout, blowing the air on his fist in a gentle breeze. 

“What did you wish for?” You asked before you could stop yourself.  

He chuckled, only looking your way, “let me know if it comes true, princess.”

You couldn’t speak anymore, even when he leaned back with a slight smile on his face, starting the car again and driving. 

You somehow subtly kept on noticing him, his grip on the steering wheel, the veins prominent on his hand and arms, his lip bitten in slight concentration. You shook your head, looking outside again, and in no time, you were in front of your campus. 

“You’re welcome, princess,” he spoke, voice ever so smooth and you simply squeaked out a thank you before rushing out. 

You blamed his scent. 

It was all because of his scent. 

Chapter 5. Home Alone. 

It was three minutes past seven, the sun was setting and so was your mood as you bid goodbye to your friends who were filling up their bags in the backseats of the cabs they had booked. 

Jay was busy giving you a list of things to take care of while they were gone. Karina hugged you as she waved a bye, Ningning only winked your way, looking at Heeseung right after. Sunghoon and Winter were already sitting in the car, too excited to leave while Jake waved at you like a happy puppy. 

Heeseung stepped right in front of you, waving back with more enthusiasm than he had ever displayed before, screaming happy journey to everyone as the cars left one by one. 

That’s what you have to deal with now. 

With that, Heeseung made his way into the apartment again as you stood there for a minute more, slapping your forehead a few times, “I can do it,” you whispered, “it’ll be okay, I’ll keep myself busy, I’ll be okay.”

Overthinking was your detrimental forte, the one that Heeseung never failed to fuel. You should catch him off guard too, shouldn’t you? You should’ve grabbed his collar and warned him instead of freezing on the spot. 

Your train of thought broke the second you stepped into the house, being caught off guard yet again by none other than Lee Heeseung, who so carefully grabbed one of your wrists and pinned you against the door, closing it right behind you in a swift go, “hi,” he smiled. 

You’ve had enough, grabbing his collar into a fist and pulling him even closer, “fuck,” he groaned. 

“It hasn’t even been a fucking minute and you’re already making my life a living hell, I swear to god, Heeseung.” You let go of the collar, grabbing his hair by the nape to pull him away. 

The action which caused him to moan.

You let go of him that very second as he closed his eyes, “you’re such a pervert. Ew! What the fuck?” You looked at him with wide eyes, even more so when he chuckled deeply, his eyes on you again. 

“Can’t blame me for that one, it feels really good, princess,” he said, putting his hands up in surrender. 

“This won’t do,” you said, a hand on your forehead again. 

“So what? Wanna set up rules like they do in those stupid movies?” He suggested, sitting down on the couch and looking at you, as if he expected you to sit down with him. 

“Rules?” You pondered for a second, “yeah, anything to keep your behaviour in check,” you mumbled, and soon, you both were sitting on the opposite chairs of the dining table as you scribbled down the rules. 

Y/N and Heeseung’s one week agreement <3

1. No touching each other. 2. No stealing food.  3. No loud music and video games.  4. No bringing guests without prior notice. 

“No guests?” 

“No. Keep your girlfriends away from here, understood?” You asked. 

He chuckled, amused, “why? Would that bother you, princess? You don’t have to worry y’know? You’ll always be the number one in my heart,” he winked, resting his hand on his chest.  

“No, thanks. Still don’t want you,” you told him, even though his last statement did sound sincere. 

Way too sincere for your own liking. 

“Can I write too?” Heeseung asked, and you raised your brow. 

“Since you asked nicely.”

5. Chores will be divided equally.  6. One hour bonding time each day. 7. Y/N can’t avoid Heeseung. 

“Why do we need bonding time?” You asked midway. 

“Cause we’re gonna live together, so we should put our differences aside,” he shrugged, and you stared at him. 

“We can just ignore each other.”

“Now, where’s the fun in that?”

“This isn’t a game, Heeseung.”

“But it’s exciting,” he said, and you sighed.

Arguing with him was pointless. 

“Okay, fine.”

9. Maintain cleanliness.

That was the last point you added before you both signed the sheet, agreeing to add more in case you come up with any rules. It was the most normal you had been with Heeseung, but you still wanted to be away. 

You didn’t wanna hurt yourself. 

You tried not to think about it as you went to sleep, but it didn’t work much, not when your mind was hyper aware of the silence in the apartment. That’s when you decided to get up and grab a midnight snack, perhaps a cup of noodles would help you sleep better. 

With tiredness still evident in your eyes, you worked the stove on, grabbing a pot to heat up water, standing still as you took the support of the marble countertop, your palms lay flat on it as you stared at the packet of mint chocolate that was in the shelf in front of you, something that Sunoo possibly had forgotten to take with him. 

“Not sleepy?” A husky voice made you gasp and turn around, caging you right in between the counter and Heeseung. 

“Fuck! You scared me,” you gasped at his shirtless figure, “why the fuck are you awake and why are you not clothed?” You asked, distressed. 

“I heard noises from the kitchen so I obviously had to come over and check,” he said, tilting his head innocently right after, “I have to make sure the princess is safe, right?”

“I can very well take care of myself, thanks,” you huffed, waiting for him to move, which did not happen.

“Okay, then try pushing me away,” Heeseung said, a slight close-lipped smile present on his face. 

You simply made use of the little space to pour the hot water into the cup noodles, covering it with its lid. 

“You love these games too much, don’t you?” You said, finally looking up to see his body right in front of your face. 

With thick yet lean muscles, he stood tall, his clavicles visible in an attractive fashion as the dim lights of the room only enhanced the slight traces of his abs, making it evident that Heeseung included working out in his daily routines. 

You gulped unknowingly, closing your eyes for a second before meeting him, only for his eyes to fall on your lips for a slight enough, just enough for you to miss it. 

“Not gonna push me?” He asked, still playful, but with a gentle rasp in his voice. 

“You’re not appropriately clothed for me to touch you, Heeseung,” you said, trying to muster a bored, unimpressed expression, as if your ears weren’t burning warm. 

“Why? Does skin to skin contact scare you now?” He challenged, “one touch is all it takes, babe.” 

“Oh lord,” you groaned, stretching your neck back, only to find Heeseung’s gaze more intense than ever, “fine, move.” 

You placed your cold hand on his warm torso, right above his heart, and you could have sworn it was beating a tad bit faster than how a normal heart should be beating. 

Pushing him was practically impossible, especially when he bit his lip and chuckled, not moving an inch despite your efforts. The room felt warm as you scoffed and retrieved your hand.  

“Can’t move?” He teased. 

“I’m just tired, move.”

“Or, you’re just weak.”

“That’s all you can do Heeseung, challenge a tired girl who’s trying to eat.” You pushed him again.  

“I’m strong, princess. Don’t you see?” He pointed at his body, and you closed your eyes yet again, trying to convert your feelings into anger. 

“Your body might be strong but your fucking ego is weak.” You said finally shoving him enough for you to move. 

“Now, now. That’s wrong, princess.” He said, grabbing your cup noodles and testing your patience yet again.  

Messing with you was one thing. 

Messing with you while you were sleepy was another thing. 

But messing with you while you were sleepy and hungry, that was war. 

“Give me the noodles back you small dicked asshole!” You chased after him. 

He stopped you easily with a hand, twirling you around and pulling you back, his bare chest pressed against your back. 

“Small dick, hm?” He mumbled, keeping the noodles on the counter beside you, dragging his warm fingers across your bare tummy, stopping right on your belly button, “it would go up to here, yeah,” he caressed the area before letting go of you. 

You stood there, breathing hard as your cheeks burned with the implication of his cock in your cunt, deep inside you at that. 

“How do you even get women, all talk and no action?” You asked, walking back to your room with the noodles in your hands, avoiding the fact that you were completely flustered. 

“Oh I’ll show you all the action you need to see, princess,” he winked as you turned to look at him, his hands stuffed in the pocket of his sweatpants, “g’night, darling,” he smirked, walking away as you spent the night punching your pillow, eating your now soggy noodles.  

Lee Heeseung was going to be the end of you. 

Chapter 6. A proof? 

In the span of a few days that Heeseung shifted at your apartment, you realized a few things. 

First, Lee Heeseung loved being shirtless. 

Second, Lee Heeseung was a good cook. 

And third, Lee Heeseung was the biggest flirt known to mankind. 

Now, putting them all together; you didn’t expect to wake up with the scent of fresh waffles and fruits spreading around the apartment. Nor did you expect Heeseung to set up a plate full of breakfast for you right around the time you woke up, that too with the biggest smile on his face. 

It felt like a dream almost, and you were ready to ignore his shirtless body that gave you goosebumps and a sincere smile that almost made you smile too, to thank him. 

But then, he did what he had to. 

He opened his mouth and ruined it, going on about how you should eat fruits, it makes the cum taste sweeter, he said munching on an apple, laughing louder when you threw a spoon at him. That added to your annoyance simply because of the fact that he was practically glowing even in the morning, the radiant aura was too much for you to handle and you simply decided to avoid and ignore everything to have a spa day to yourself. 

Heeseung did question why you were leaving, and you didn’t miss the hint of frown that was plastered on his face for a split second when he learned that you wouldn’t be around for the day, which you ignored because why would he even be sad? Just because he wouldn’t get to bother you today? That must be it. 

“Come back soon, I still have things to prove to you,” he said, and you didn’t know what to expect anymore as you left the apartment. 

There’s some sort of power in self care that makes you feel as if nothing could ever go wrong with you once you’re fully pampered, especially when your nails are freshly done, shaded in your favourite tone. 

It’s seven in the evening when you get back home with three bags full of clothes hanging on your arms. Retail therapy was the way to go, it definitely de-stressed you for the day. It was too peaceful, and you didn’t know what was to come when you unlocked the door to your apartment, entered the hallway, taking off your shoes and furrowing your brows at the extra pair of heels there, along with the unusual sound. 

You couldn’t quite pinpoint the noise that you were hearing. It wasn’t the usual music Heeseung played, nor was it the sound of the gaming system he often used, so you stepped in further, your heart pounding as the weak whimpers and the sound of slapping got closer. 

The door to Heeseung’s room was wide open, and you found yourself peeking in before you could stop yourself, only for your eyes to go wider than ever as you saw what was going on inside. 

The lights were dimmed, set to blue which made the room look hotter. On the bed was a girl you had never seen before, her face buried into the mattress as she made lewd noises, your mouth hung open, your heart beating faster as your eyes met that of Heeseung’s, his hair messier than ever and the cockiest smirk plastered on his face. 

He was naked. 

He was fucking the most brutal backshots into the cunt of the stranger, holding onto her waist and squeezing it, as if putting up a show for you as Meddle about by Chase Atlantic played in the background. 

“Heeseung?” You whispered to yourself, your eyes never leaving his thick cock, observing his strong thrusts as if you were dazed—which you were. 

And if that wasn’t enough, Heeseung had to take it up a notch by groaning out your name, spanking the girl’s ass and throwing his head back, mumbling your name and gulping as you saw his adam’s apple bobbing up and down. 

He was fucking another girl and thinking of you, deliberately so. 

You were too shocked to function, your arms losing their strength as your bags fell to the ground. The noise made you snap out of your dazed state, and soon you found yourself running to your room, locking the door behind you and leaning on it, covering your mouth as your chest heaved up and down. 

That’s when you realized what Heeseung was trying to do—he proved it. 

He proved exactly what he had promised you at night, and you knew you weren’t going to sleep tonight, simply because the guy you hated had proved it. 

He indeed had a big fucking cock. 

And he knew exactly how to use it. 

Sleep was merely a concept to you for the majority of the night. How could you even close your eyes when you could see the most vivid image of Heeseung fucking a girl the second your eyelids close? 

You had goosebumps over your body, your thighs pressed together as you thought back upon how he specifically groaned your name right after he saw you watching him. 

“Ugh!” You groaned, rolling around and punching the pillow out of pure frustration. 

You hated Heeseung yet he was the only thing on your mind. 

“This can’t be real, there’s no way this is real,” you mumbled to yourself, your face getting hotter by the second but somehow, you managed to shut your eyes and drift to the wonderful place called the dreamland. 

Chapter 7. Adulterated retaliation. 

Overthinking was going to be your demise. 

If it wasn’t enough as it was when you were awake, it was worse when you were asleep in your subconscious because there was no way you had just woken up with a gasp and, well, wetness in your panties that seeped through them and covered the crotch of your shorts. 

You had a wet dream about the very man you swore you hated. 

Grabbing your pillow, you hid your face as you let out a scream, looking distressed as you stared at your reflection when you got up. Flashbacks of how you dreamed to be the girl Heeseung fucked were scattered all over your mind. 

“He groaned my name,” you mumbled, trailing your hand down your pants and into your panties, caressing the length of your cunt only for your pretty manicured fingers to come out soaked in your wetness. 

“Fuck,” you groaned, “I need to avoid him.”

You knew for a fact that after last night, avoiding Heeseung would be the most difficult thing to do, cause he wouldn’t let it slide by any means. 

However, you were surprised when you saw the kitchen and dining area empty, a plate was still kept there full of food for you, and you couldn’t be happier sitting peacefully and having your brunch, now that you had woken up late. 

It was only when you were done washing your hands, wiping them clean of water with the towel, you felt someone’s presence behind you, and before you could fully turn around, Lee Heeseung had his slender fingers wrapped around your wrist, your body going stiff as a reminder of what had happened yesterday, but at least he was fully clothed today. 

“Pretty nails,” he inspected them, leaning down to whisper in your ear, “hold this,” he asked you, giving you a bottle, not waiting for you to hold it as he practically made you wrap your fingers around it. 

“The fuck—” you opened your mouth but Heeseung let go that very second. 

“Yeah, they would look pretty wrapped around my c—” he mumbled, walking away, leaving you shocked yet again. 

At this point, you were pretty sure he was toying with you cause there’s no way he was acting so nonchalant about everything he did since he shifted to your, now his too, apartment. 

You sighed loudly, keeping the bottle away on the counter before you leaned back against it, wondering what to do to deal with Heeseung. There was a bitter feeling in your chest, you weren’t sure why. Was it that easy for Heeseung to bring someone home? Fuck rules, he didn’t care about any of that. You wondered why you both even bothered to make them in the first place. 

And somehow, just somewhere deep inside you, there was this feeling that you wanted to do something similar to take revenge on him. But would you call a guy to aimlessly fuck you on your bed? No. 

You’d rather call a guy up for a hangout, a guy who was actually your friend and didn’t go for the exchange program, a guy you knew Heeseung despised. 

Maybe that would keep Heeseung at bay. 

Or maybe that’ll make him jealous and keep you closer. 

A voice whispered from inside your subconscious, and you clenched your jaw, wondering why you couldn’t decide which scenario you would prefer more. 

Nevertheless, you went on with the plan, texting Gyu to ask him if he was free for the day, mentally thanking the teacher that paired you up with him last semester for a presentation, courtesy of which you got his number. He called you the second his phone chimed from your text. 

“Y/N,” he practically cheered, you could feel the happiness ooze out of his voice, and you smiled as you asked him how he’s been, and if he was free this evening. 

“Fuck! I have to run errands today, can I come over tomorrow though?” He asked and you sighed, saying yes. 

At least you’ll have a distraction tomorrow, right? 

“How do you miss me all of a sudden though? Finally realized you’re in love with me?” He chuckled, asking you the question and you shook your head laughing, knowing he couldn’t see you. 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Gyu, I’m just bored at home, yeah?” You explained, and he promised that he’d be there to entertain you tomorrow afternoon. 

Now though, you weren’t sure what to do for the day. Writing a diary? Nah. Listening to podcasts? Your brain was too clouded for that. You simply opted to take a shower and go out for a drive. It wasn’t like you were inexperienced by any means, it was just the fact that you hadn’t had sex in long which is why you were so frustrated. 

Right? 

You gulped, letting the warm water droplets caress your skin as they cascaded down the curves of your body. Even the slightest touch made you feel good, the bathroom getting fogged up as you took your time with the shower. But were you satisfied? You could hear the music blasting from Heeseung’s room now and his level of unbothered definitely bothered you. 

“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,” you groaned, stepping out after getting ready for your drive. You thank the lords that you had a car, and you simply decided to visit the lake nearby as you grabbed your car keys and put on your shoes. 

“Where are you going?” Heeseung asked, and you wondered how he always had the perfect timing when it came to you being out of your room. 

“Away from you,” you mumbled. 

He chuckled, “why, princess? What’d I do?” He rasped, and you didn’t bother looking at him, tightening your laces the second you heard him call you that stupid nickname yet again. 

“Nothing. Nothing at all,” you grumbled, standing up, “you’ve been breaking rules left right and straight ever since you entered this apartment, and the audacity to bring someone else home to fuck while keeping the door open and—” you said it all in a breath, closing your eyes simply because you couldn’t repeat what he had done. 

“And?” Heeseung came closer, and you looked at his wet bangs as if he had freshly come out of the shower. 

Your tongue poked your inner cheek as you grabbed his T-shirt, something he did not expect as his hand landed on your waist, pulling you to him, “you’re so fucking annoying, I hate you,” you seethed out. 

You could clearly see him being flustered, probably because you instigated this interaction, “you hate me?” He asked, dazed, looking down at your lips, “you sure? Cause I think you’re in love with me.” 

“You’re the one who’s looking at my lips, you’re the one who was moaning out my name, you’re the one who’s dreaming about my fingers wrapped around your fucking cock,” you finally let out, “are you sure it’s not you who’s craving me?” You chuckled. 

You had officially lost your mind. 

“I—” Heeseung started, his eyes never leaving yours, but you could see a hint of uncertainty on his face, as if he was contemplating on saying something, and you didn’t let him. 

“You’re pathetic.” You let go of him, pushing his shoulder, but he only grabbed your neck and pulled you back, his other hand now behind your head so you wouldn’t hurt yourself as he pushed you against the wall. 

“Yeah? And you’re not? Are you not thinking about last night, Y/N?” You gasped as his lips barely caressed yours. 

You would feel your knees giving up, especially when he took your name with such emphasis that you couldn’t help but look at him, his fingers coming up from your neck to your jaw, cupping it gently before he placed his thumb on your bottom lip. 

“Isn’t that why you’ve been avoiding me, hm? You wanna be that girl so fucking bad, don’t you?” A shiver went down your spine as his voice got deeper by an octave. 

“Shut up,” you breathed out. 

“Why, princess? Do you not wanna kiss me?” He bit his bottom lip as you stared at him hopelessly, your breath hitched as your heart hammered against your ribcage. 

“No,” you mumbled. 

He smirked, “no?” 

“Heeseung,” you whispered, frustration clear in your voice. 

You hated him. 

And you hated yourself more for wanting to kiss his stupidly inviting lips. 

“Yes, baby?” 

“I—”

“You?” 

“Please,” you closed your eyes, not believing the situation yourself. 

“Please what, my love?” 

You whined, not having it in you to say it out loud. 

“I won’t kiss you till you say yes,” he shook his head slowly, his thumb still tracing your lip. 

“Fuck it, yes,” you groaned, pulling him closer by his collar as he quickly cupped your face. 

His lips were plush against yours, warm and inviting to the point he was rushing to have you closer to him, absorbing the moan that you barely got to let out. He was needy, almost as frustrated as you, your fingers gripping the hair on his nape, a gasp leaving his mouth as you both leaned back for a microsecond, still connected by a string of saliva. 

You were on your tiptoes, your body getting warmer by the second, pressed against his as you breathed heavily as he licked your mouth open, shoving his tongue in to get a taste of you, his warm breath made you lose your last bit of sanity. He was groaning, trying to get used to your taste, something which he had wanted to do for a while now. He was practically drooling into your mouth like a hungry puppy, his spit dripping down your chin. Your tongue was quick to lap it up when he leaned back to breathe, but his own tongue was quick enough to rest on yours as you both tasted your mixed saliva.  

That’s exactly when you opened your eyes, only to see Heeseung’s flushed face looking at you with dark, desperation filled eyes. That’s when you finally came back to your senses. 

You had just kissed Heeseung. 

And you liked it. 

Well, fuck!

You had to run, you had to leave. 

That’s exactly what you did, panic clear on your face as Heeseung saw you rush out of his arms and run out of the apartment, he called out your name but you didn’t look back, your heartbeat skyrocketing as you started your car to drive away. 

It was all a blur to you as you somehow managed to reach the lakeside parking, which was almost empty on the side you had parked your car. Your mind was elsewhere, the taste of him lingered on your lips. 

“What did I just do?” You asked yourself, covering your mouth as you groaned. 

Mentally slapping yourself, even more so when you shifted in your seat, only to discover that you felt wetness in your panties. They were soiled simply because Heeseung had shoved tongue in your mouth. 

“Fuck you, Lee Heeseung,” you mumbled closing your eyes and leaning your head against the cold window, slowly unbuttoning your jeans, unzipping them right after. 

“I hate you, I hate you,” you whispered, letting your fingers travel down your body, and into your panties. 

The cold of your fingertips juxtaposed the warmth of your cunt, the warmth of your clit, your body reacting to the touch as you gasped, the image of Heeseung’s slender fingers crossing your mind as you pressed your cunt to feel something, anything, that would make you feel better. You were soaking wet. 

All you wanted was to be taken care of, you wanted this frustration to go away and it didn’t matter that you were in public, your car windows were tinted for a reason as you spread your legs and pulled your bottom wear down, exposing your cunt. A deep shaky breath left your mouth as you placed your fingers yet again. 

Heeseung would rub your cunt in gentle circles. 

Your subconscious said, as you stimulated your cunt, your eyelids fluttered close, thinking about Heeseung and his veiny hands. That’s exactly what you needed—what you craved. 

Heeseung was right, you’re the one who’s been so desperate to have him, that was proof enough as you moaned out his name, shoving two fingers inside your cunt that was begging to be filled with Heeseung’s cock. You threw your head back, desperately fucking yourself, teasing your neglected clit with your other hand. 

“Ah—fuck!” You cried out, thrusting your hips up to meet your fingers. It was almost pathetic how needy you were being, especially when you didn’t even remember the last time being this horny. 

Truth be told, no guy ever made you this wet with just a kiss, so it was definitely concerning how Heeseung (read: your enemy) had managed to do so just by provoking you non stop. 

You mumbled his name, your thighs closing when you felt your high approaching, sweat forming on your forehead as you leaned against your seat, your right on the edge, a few more thrusts and you’d be done.

Your breathing gets louder, the plea of Heeseung’s name only makes your climax approach faster as you thrusted your digits in, sloppily so, a tear rolling down your cheek as the image of Heeseung moaning out your name flashed in your mind. That was your last straw. 

Your thighs shook as your body tensed up, the familiar feeling of your unadulterated pleasure approaching washed over your body, now more powerful than ever, coating your fingers with your juices of desperation. 

You were breathing hard, trying to come back to yourself after having the quickest, best orgasm of your life which most certainly did fog up your side of the window. 

That’s when you let everything settle in your head, a scoff leaving your lips as you realized. 

You wanted Lee Heeseung. 

 Chapter 8. Revenge, sue for damages? 

It felt like a walk of shame when you entered the apartment again, being careful to tiptoe, as to not alert Heeseung of your presence by any means. Too much had happened to you in the span of two days, and you weren’t sure how you’d even get on terms with all of this. 

You had successfully closed the door to your room by the time a thought popped up in your mind: what would Heeseung be up to now? 

He didn’t have any time to react when you left, even then he was calling out your name. You wondered if he even wished to talk to you anymore. You wondered if it was just a game to him, now that you had realized that you actually truly did want a piece of him, you couldn’t help but think if he wanted the same, or was it just his way to maybe bother you? 

You had no clue, and you most certainly weren’t going to confront him about it, you hated every bit of confrontations, and this was something that made you want to run away and never come back. 

Heeseung on the other hand was wide awake and aware of your presence. He felt calm now that you were back, he had been worried ever since you left hours ago, you never once checked your phone when he called you, it was on do not disturb, and you hadn’t checked it. Heeseung wondered what you’d think of him when you see 26 missed calls on your phone. 

He was confused, but there was a hint of a smile on his face as he touched his lips again for the nth time today, frowning right after as he thought of you never wanting to talk to him again. 

Did he go too far this time? 

He was dazed, a groan left his mouth as he punched the pillow next to him, he couldn’t control himself, not when you were so close to him, not when your scent lured him in. That wasn’t how he expected to kiss you, but now that he knew what you tasted like, it was hard for him to think of anything else but your lips. 

However, the thought of you hating him kept him awake. 

The thought of him hating you kept you awake. 

And somehow you both fell asleep at the same time, your mind too tired to form another thought as you let the sleep take over. 

You knew you’d wake up late, you were bound to wake up at 2 when you had slept (barely) at four in the morning. 

However, in the midst of this chaos, you very conveniently forgot the plans you had made the prior day. Your head was hurting when you woke up, and you had no plans to go out of your room as you got up and took a shower in the bathroom attached to your room. 

“Ugh, why’s my life like this?” You asked yourself as you brushed. 

There was no answer, which only irritated you more. 

It wasn’t the best day, of course, but you decided to dress up a little just so you could feel better—something you did when you felt down, despite not having a reason to dress up. You had to keep yourself occupied, especially when you could hear the cabinets opening and closing in the kitchen, which only made you hyper aware of how Heeseung was so close to you, yet so far away. 

Were you making a big thing out of this? 

You shook your head, grabbing your favourite cherry gloss and applying it over your lips, the lips that kissed Heeseung last night. It was hard not to stare at your lips in the mirror after that, you simply got zoned out yet again. 

You’ve had enough of this, you sighed as you grabbed your phone, getting comfy on your bed yet again as you finally unlocked it, scrolling through the notifications to find something you didn’t expect. 

26 missed calls from Heeseung. 

Did this mean that he was actually worried? Maybe he had something to say? Maybe he wanted to tell you that he didn’t wish to talk to you anymore? Or maybe he simply wanted to confront you about it? 

You were contemplating as you stared at the notifications, almost getting up to ask Heeseung about it, but then another ping of your phone stopped you right before you could go on outside. 

Gyu 🐰: I’m here!! 

Gyu 🐰: Do I ring the bell or will that be disturbing? 

Fuck. 

You had called Beomgyu in for the day, the past few events lingered so hard in your mind that this fully skipped your mind. And he was outside already, which means if he rings the bell then Heeseung would probably be the one to answer the door. 

“Oh no,” you stood up, almost tripping on your feet as you heard the bell ring. 

The door was open by the time you opened the door to your room, only to find Beomgyu and Heeseung right in front of each other. 

“—I didn’t know you lived here,” Beomgyu said, patting Heeseung’s shoulder as you observed them carefully. 

Heeseung had his jaw clenched, his eyes on the flower bouquet that Gyu had oh so conveniently bought for you. That’s exactly when Gyu spotted you, waving at you and saying your name in a cheerful tone, that made Heeseung turn to look at you. 

Only to find you dressed up, as if you got ready for Beomgyu, a scoff leaving his mouth which you missed as you stared at each other for a few seconds, not sure what to say. 

That’s when you simply grabbed Gyu’s arm and dragged him to your room, closing the door behind you as he simply let you do everything with a whipped smile on his face. 

“Oh so we’re moving fast today, hm? You look so fucking pretty by the way—” he started blabbering, making himself feel comfortable on your bed. 

“Shh,” you groaned, “stop please,” you whispered, and that’s when he realized that you were being serious. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked, concern evident on his face. 

“A lot,” you said, grabbing his arm and making him face you, “are you ready for some gossip, Gyu?” 

You didn’t give him a chance to reply, telling him everything from the very start as his eyes widened. He let out a scream or two in between which definitely hurt your ears, and you were hiding your face by the time you reached the part where you kissed Heeseung. 

“I’m so jealous right now,” Gyu said out loud and you only gave him a look before continuing, leaving the majority of the part where you touched yourself, but also including the fact that you’ve been sexually frustrated. 

“So that’s what happened,” you said, gulping down and looking up at him. 

He only blinked, once and then twice. 

“So what I’m gathering here is the fact that Heeseung likes you and you, very sadly, like him back. Not to mention how you’re itching to have him fuck you,” he said, counting god knows what on his fingers, “bro really fucked a random girl after being hopelessly in love with you to prove his point, goddamn,” he whispered under his breath. 

“Oh shut up,” you mumbled, pouting at the reminder, “he doesn’t love me.”

“Are you blind? He chased me away each time I tried to approach you,” he said, eyes wide as he tried to tell you how wrong you were, your heart beating faster all of a sudden.  

“I’m gonna kill myself actually.” A groan left your mouth as you covered your face, “I’m so embarrassed, so confused.”

“You know what? You should fuck me to even things out with him,” Gyu said in the most innocent voice ever and you looked up at him yet again. 

“Gyu.”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

“Okay.”

He only chuckled, coming closer to you with a mischievous smile, “oh so you wanna fuck Heeseung, hm? Not me? Only Heeseung? Wow, you’re so down bad,” he teased you and you somehow tried to push him away but he only got louder. 

“I’m gonna kill you,” you mumbled as he went on singing something. 

“Heeseung and Y/N sitting under a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g,” He screamed. 

That’s when you got up and started tickling his sides, to which he had an explosive reaction as he fully let out a whine like the subbiest-sub ever, moaning out your name shamelessly as you hit his chest, asking him to shut up and lower his voice. 

But that didn’t stop him from whining again when your fingers accidentally touched the sliver of his tummy, making him giggle like a kid right after, “please—go slow,” he cried out. 

You stopped, looking at him being completely helpless and pouting, which was enough to get a giggle out of you, “oh lord,” you mumbled, shaking your head at his endless antics. 

It certainly did help how he was there to listen to you, and of course, how he randomly suggested playing a game right after he was done whining. 

However, what you didn’t know was that Lee Heeseung had his ear pressed against your door, his timing ever so convenient as he managed to hear whines and groans reverberating your room, that being his last straw as he stomped away, back into his room to possibly throw a vase away or two, but he simply resorted to punching the wall a few times, his blood boiling at the imaginary image of you being intimate with Beomgyu of all people. 

He sighed, punching the wall again, leaning his head against it right after, “this can’t be happening,” he mumbled, getting away and dramatically falling down on his bed with a face that screamed upset. 

Heeseung felt like his life was ruined. 

Beomgyu was living his best life teasing you. 

You felt as if your life was a game as you sat down to play a board game with Gyu.

It was kind of funny how you were playing the game of life. 

It was even funnier when Gyu added a blue peg to your car after you got married at the church and named the peg Heeseung. 

It wasn’t funny that Heeseung had yet again tried to eavesdrop by standing in front of your room, only to hear you and Gyu laughing about something, a clear reminder that he made you laugh, that you enjoyed your time with him.

Heeseung stared at the door as if he couldn’t believe this. 

He had to do something. 

Chapter 9. The thin line between hate and love. 

It was dark outside by the time Gyu left your apartment, peacefully so, as there was no sight of Heeseung when you got out of your room and it gave you enough time to clean up and take yet another shower, getting comfy in your shorts again. 

You weren’t sure what was in your mind anymore, while it was a given that you appreciated the distraction Beomgyu provided you with, you were also confused about everything that’s been happening lately, and even if you did hate confrontations, you wanted to confront Heeseung about this. 

However, it was nearing midnight by the time you realized exactly how hungry you are, munching on snacks did not help you much through the day and you didn’t have much energy to go and cook something for yourself. 

So, you opted for home delivery from one of your comfort food restaurants, happy about the fact that they were quick to deliver your meal, even if it was late at night. You paid the delivery man and headed straight to the kitchen to grab a plate and fork. 

“Hungry, hm?” A deep voice spoke right beside your ear, alarming you as you turned around to look at Heeseung, who didn’t have a hint of a smile on his face, which was an unusual sight as he was always sporting at least a little grin if not more. 

“Hee—” you gulped. 

“—yeah?” He asked, his warm fingertips resting on your chin as he made you look up at him, “look at me.”

You still couldn’t look in his eyes. 

He scoffed, “you’re funny honestly, one second you’re kissing me as if your life depends on it, and the next second you’re fucking another guy,” he said, clicking his tongue before he poked his inner cheek with it. 

You didn’t expect this to happen, and you most certainly weren’t expecting Heeseung to be mad about it. Did he interpret it wrong? You didn’t fuck Beomgyu, but that’s exactly what Heeseung thinks it is that you did the whole day, the whines probably didn’t help, and it was no secret that Gyu was loud in everything he did. 

Heeseung had you caged in his arms again, something he had done quite a few times after he shifted into your apartment, but the proximity never failed to faze you, his scent was as intoxicating as ever, and but at least he had decency to wear a loose fitted t-shirt this time. 

You were zoning out again, but at the same time you were focused on his lips and how bruised they looked, as if he had been biting them out of frustration all day—the same lips you had so desperately kissed just yesterday, the same lips who had taken over your senses. They were so close to you again. 

“Why do you care?” You asked, something you’ve been meaning to ask for a while, your face devoid of emotions. 

“What?” He asked, taken aback by the sudden irritation that your voice now held. 

“Why the fuck do you care, Lee Heeseung? Isn’t this just a game to you, hm? Isn’t that what you’ve been doing all along?” You pointed your finger at him. 

It had started to rain outside, the downpour making the atmosphere seem darker than usual, you weren’t the biggest fan of rain, and the situation only made it worse. 

“Why the fuck do you not understand?” He groaned, his arms on either side of you now as he took a shaky breath in, looking aside for a second as if trying to control his emotions from bursting out, “you think it’s a fucking game to me?”

“What else?” You scoffed, you needed him to say whatever was on his mind, you needed to rile him to the point he couldn’t help but tell you exactly what was going on, “is it not a game that you sabotage every time someone tries to approach me? Or when you keep bothering me with your constant attempt to pick fights? So why’s it a problem that I called Gyu here—”

“—don’t call him that.”

“Why not? Don’t like it? It’s so cute—”

Heeseung scoffed, “did he fuck you that good?” He asked, his blood practically boiling by now. 

You bit your bottom lip, smirking right after, “better than the girl you fucked, seeing how she didn’t come back for more.”

“Yeah, princess. That’s why you wish you were her, right? You watched me fuck her with wide eyes, you gulped your drool down when you saw my dick thrusting into her cunt—you wanted it to be yours, I saw the jealousy in your eyes, baby. You can’t lie to me,” he whispered, his lips caressing yours. 

“Or, you’re jealous cause it wasn’t you who fucked me. Isn’t that what you wanted? Isn’t that why you were moaning my fucking name?” You asked, your head tilted slightly to provoke him even more. 

“Yeah,” he breathed out, making you look up at him in confusion as you saw him being dead serious about what he was saying, his eyes dark, “Yes I’m jealous, I fucking hate it, cause you’re mine.”

“What?” You were taken aback. 

“Why? What’s so surprising, princess?” He chuckled, and you swore the butterflies you felt in your body were going feral, “you’re mine, are you not?” He asked in a whisper. 

The indirect confession hung in the air, the sound of your breathing along with the heavy raindrops was loud, but not louder than your own thoughts. You couldn’t believe this was happening, it’s you who pushed him to confess, but it wasn’t something you had expected. 

There was nothing but sincerity in the way he stared at you, waiting for some kind of reply, and suddenly you were back in fifth grade, trying to make sense of your feelings for the same guy who stood in front of you, your lips parting to say something, but it was hard for you to form words. 

He had you trapped, mentally and physically. Did you belong to him? Did he belong to you? Did you wish to see him with someone else again? The thought was enough to make your blood boil. Did you want him to fuck anyone who wasn’t you—

“Are you fucking mine or not, Y/N—?” He asked and you didn’t let him speak anymore, grabbing him by his shirt as you surged forward in a rush to capture his rosy lips to yours. 

His body reacted just as quick to kiss you back harder, his warm hand gripping your nape to keep you in place, your familiar taste simply had him groaning into your mouth, invading all your senses as you got dizzier in the essence of him, holding on to him tighter as you let yourself go as he sucked on your lips harsh enough for it to be swollen. 

“Mine,” he murmured against your lips, voice deeper than ever as he squeezed your waist, a gasp leaving your mouth, “be good for me, hm?” He said, helping you sit on the kitchen counter right behind you. 

He holds on to your leg, wrapping them around his waist as you pull your body even closer before he kisses you harder, even deeper, making sure that there’s absolutely no space left in between you—he needs to be close to you. Your clothed cunt pressed against him in a way that created the slightest amount of friction as you bucked your hips up in a rush. 

He gladly swallowed all your whines, anger bubbling up about the fact that other people have gotten a chance to hear your pretty noises before him, but not anymore, cause you belonged to Lee Heeseung. 

He was being rough the way he shoved his tongue into your mouth, hungry to taste you again and again, simply because it was impossible for him to get enough of you, your hands roaming all over his body to trace the hard muscles you’ve been feeling up, hidden underneath his T-shirt, the tension lingering, the agitation increasing. You wanted more, you needed more. 

“Say you want it,” he whispered, his forehead pressed against yours as you both took deep breaths, practically breathing each other in, his thumb prodding at your mouth as you swirled your tongue around it, making him groan and push his two digits into your mouth, watching how you suck on them so diligently, a whine leaving your mouth as he pulled the fingers back, depriving you of them, “say it.” 

“What if I don’t?” You clicked your tongue, pushing him back slightly with a smirk on your face, “won’t you touch me then?” You asked, looking at him innocently as you got off the counter, you could feel your panties being wet, walking to him, taking a step further to whisper in his ear, “won’t you fuck me?” You asked, biting his earlobe right after as you heard him suck in a sharp breath. 

With that, you leaned back, walking back to your room as Heeseung stood there for a minute, trying his best to stay in control with his semi hard dick getting in the way, you being a brat wasn’t helping him by any means. A groan left his mouth as he followed you into your room, to find you waiting for him on your bed, sitting comfortably. 

“Were you this much of a brat with Beomgyu too?” He asked, the question itself had him frowning as you chuckled and shook your head no slowly, “ah—no.”

He rolled his eyes, jaw clenched as he lifted his T-shirt up, messing up his hair even more as he threw it away somewhere on the floor, “you’re a spoiled little princess, aren’t you? Don’t worry, love, I’ll make sure you beg for me.” 

You raised your brows, your eyes travelling down to stare at his body shamelessly, your bottom lip bitten as he walked over and climbed on the bed in a way that excited your body to the point that one touch from him would be enough to give you goosebumps. 

“You look cute when you’re jealous, y’know?” You cooed right as he got close to you. 

He didn’t waste any second, pulling your body to him easily so you were sitting right on his lap, his back pressed against the headboard, hands resting on your ass, rubbing gentle circles on it with his thumb as he looked down his nose caressing yours in a touch that made your eyelids flutter shut. 

“Yeah, doll? Let’s see how cute I look when I don’t let you cum, hm?” 

“What?” 

“What? Pretty baby wants to cum?” Heeseung teased, his hand inching upwards in a manner that pushed your t-shirt up just enough so his hand could squeeze your waist, his fingers tracing your skin smoothly. 

You couldn’t focus, not when he knew exactly how to invade all your senses. You liked the game of push and pull, but with how things have been, you knew you wouldn’t last much longer, not when having Heeseung control your body, touching and guiding you, felt so good. It wasn’t as if he knew what made you feel good, yet he was discovering how to make you gasp out of pleasure with ease. 

Your hand on his bare skin only made the atmosphere seem hotter than it actually was. You simply nodded as a reply to his question—you needed to cum. 

“Can’t even use your words now, princess? What happened to your bratty attitude?” Heeseung chuckled against your skin, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down your jawline, your body reacting to it almost instantly as you threw your head back, giving him more space to kiss you down your neck. 

You needed to do something, so you lifted your hips slightly, only to sit right on top of his hardened cock, making him groan out against your skin, almost biting your neck which had you whining out loud, your fingers tugging on his hair—something that you had learned would drive him crazy. 

“Can’t control yourself, Lee?” You breathed out as a taunt, letting him bite your earlobe and practically growl out of frustration, licking and swirling his warm tongue on the expanse of your skin again, making you shiver and press down on his cock even more. 

“So fucking needy,” he rasped out, fingers playing with the hem of your shorts now, which was easy with how your legs were spread as you sat on his lap, making you hide your face in his neck, warmth spreading all over your body. 

“Please—fuck!” You cried out, biting on his shoulder as he gently caressed your clothed cunt, making him chuckle even more.

“Please what, princess?” He urged you to speak, even though your voice came out muffled as you pressed your face to his neck, the vibrations of your words making it hard for him to function. 

“Want you,” you finally spoke up. 

“Yeah? Who do you belong to, doll?” He cups your cunt, just to see how your body would react. 

You moaned, hips bucking to get more friction but he only pressed your cunt harder, possessiveness lacing every single one of his touches. 

“You.” Saying it out loud was the only way you could stop the teasing. 

However, you couldn’t deny how you felt butterflies when he finally repeated after you, “that’s right, you’re my pretty little doll. All mine.” 

You nodded meekly, letting him take control of your body as you squirmed under his hold. Heeseung knew he had won as he easily turned you over to help you lay on your back, getting on top of you with ease, staring at you, his chocolate brown eyes sporting a lust filled expression, “I’ll take care of you now.”

He dipped down to pepper kisses over the expanse of your skin, having had enough of your body being fully clothed, he asked if he could take your T-shirt off you and you lazily nodded, watching the most attractive man you’ve ever laid eyes on helping you out of your shirt, scoffing once he learned that you weren’t wearing a bra. 

Suddenly, you were hyper aware of his gaze on your body, your hands working quick to cover your tits with embarrassment flooding your cheeks. However, he was still quicker to grab your wrists, pinning them above your head in a swift go. 

“Never hide your pretty body from me ever again, it’s mine to worship, yeah?” He whispered, his hot breath nuzzling against your lips as you nodded along with him, as if in a trance. 

Your chest heaved up and down with the bubbling excitement in you, your thighs pressed up against each other as the wetness seeped through your panties, soiling your shorts as well. 

Heeseung smirked, “such a good girl when you listen to me,” he praised, eliciting a whine out of you. You never knew a praise would be enough to give you goosebumps. 

The tip of his nose grazed your skin as he stopped right on your throat, licking your sensitive spot with his warm tongue, your back arching as you obliviously gave him more space to kiss and suck on your clavicle as he grinds against you, and you love how he overpowers you. 

Your breath hitches the second his lips reach your torso, right above your left boob, and you’re almost sure he can hear your heart beating out of your ribcage with how much his presence affects you, and he simply looks up at you to press the most daunting yet soothing kiss right above your heart, as if he was trying to get the fact across that it belonged to him now. 

You couldn’t look away, gaze peering down as he covered your nipple with his puckered lips, your moans encouraging him even further as he shamelessly sucked your tits, setting your wrists free to fondle your other tit, squeezing it harshly to see your expression contort into that of pain, but it was full of pleasure instead. 

His thumb played with your nipples, rubbing circles on it gently to get them hard, only to pinch them right after, covering them with his mouth right after to soothe the pain—something you didn’t think you’d find pleasing but you did, especially when you squirmed around and he held you in place with ease. 

Grazing your tits with his teeth had you whimpering, holding on to his arm, digging your nails as you held on to him tight. 

“You like that, baby?” He smirked, hand sneaking down into your panties, your eyes rolling back at the slightest touch of his fingers against your sensitive slit, which was wet with your arousal.

“Taste how wet you get for me, princess,” he muttered, proud of how his two digits were covered with your slick, glistening under the warm, dim lights of your room. 

You parted your lips, pushing your tongue out to let him rest the two of his fingers there as you took him in, swirling your tongue around his slender fingers coated in your wetness. A hum left your mouth at the same time as Heeseung groaned at the sight of you being a sweet little doll for him, doing whatever he says. 

He couldn’t be gentle anymore, he had to taste you. 

“Good girl,” he praised, brushing his thumb on your bottom lip before coating your tits with your saliva, circling your nipples as he placed open mouthed kisses as a trail down your torso, trying his best not to leave any area untouched. 

You mindlessly chanted his name, moaning out in desperation as he got closer to your cunt, looking at you once. He appeared to be a hungry beast, the one who wouldn’t stop once he gets a taste of your cunt—the cunt he’s been dreaming about for so long. 

He made you feel the things you hadn’t ever felt before, sending shivers up your spine with each touch of his. However, he was done being slow with you. As much as he loved to give your tits his undivided attention, he couldn’t leave your desperate little cunt unattended. 

Your shorts were off in a swift go, leaving you almost bare with your panties on, his eyes darkening as he let lust cloud his mind. Holding your thighs open, he made himself comfortable in between them, mumbling about how every inch of you is perfect to him, your toes curling his breath got heavier. 

He pressed an experimental kiss on your inner thigh, squeezing them once he heard your body react to it, a sweet little whimper leaving your swollen lips in the process. You grab a chunk of his hair, pulling on them and crying when he pushed your knees up, biting and sucking on your soft flesh of thigh as a promise that it’ll leave bruise marks. 

His marks all over your body, he needed to mark you up, not even bothering to hide his possessiveness as he mumbled mine under his breath, continuing his ministrations, stopping right in front of your soiled panties, taking a deep breath. 

“Oh princess, you smell so sweet for me,” he said, grabbing the thin fabric of your underwear, pulling them to the side, wrinkling them up without any care. 

You propped yourself up slightly, the sight of Heeseung staring at your cunt as if he’s found treasure which he wishes to devour carnally wasn’t something you had ever thought you’d witness, but here he was, breathing deeply inches away from your cunt, purposely blowing hot breath on your soaked core, trying to agitate you further.  

“Heeseung—fuck! Please,” you groaned, urging him to get closer, to be where you need him the most. 

“Yes, princess?” He asked breathily, dark eyes still fixated on your pussy as he whispered, “pretty.” 

“Please,” you begged feebly. 

“Please what, love?” 

You couldn’t help it anymore, pushing his head into your bucked hips was the easy way to get things going, tugging on his silky roots as you held him in place, a loud moan reverberated the room just as he groaned into your cunt, your eyes fluttering shut at the heavenly sensation you felt all over your body. 

“Fuck, I’ve wanted this from so long,” Heeseung mumbled like a madman, absolutely letting himself go, not holding back as he devoured your cunt, licking and sucking on your folds, commanding your body well as he held your legs open with his strong grip on your thighs.  

Peppering featherlight kisses on your clit, he made you sigh breathily, his name on the tip of your tongue as you kept on whining, even more so when he shoved his face deeper, sucking on your sensitive nub as the warmth of his fingers traced the long strokes on your folds. 

“Love—your—cunt,” he groaned with each lick, pulling you into him, easing your thighs on his sturdy shoulders as he slipped his tongue into your clenching hole, “all mine now, all fucking mine.”

His lips were covered with your arousal, his thumb taking over to rub circles on your clit, sending your over the edge as you tried to get a hold of yourself, but it felt good—the best you’d ever felt, and you could already feel your eyes rolling to the back of your head as he added more pressure to your poor clit. 

Your legs shook around his head, your cunt clenching as he continued to fuck his tongue deeper and deeper, as much as he could humanly manage. He could have sworn he was drunk, too pussy drunk to even move from there. He was the reason you were this wet, he got you wet, he needed to take care of your cunt and be accountable for the same. 

With his movements getting harsher, it only took a moment longer before you found yourself reaching your high, whines leaving your mouth as you fell apart on his tongue, giving him exactly what he had been so eagerly trying to get out of you. 

Your cum covered the expanse of his skin—lips and chin shining as he licked big stripes of your now overly-sensitive cunt just to make sure he laps up every bit of the juice you so lovingly gave to him, “so fucking beautiful,” he kissed your clit again. 

You took deep breaths, eyes still closed as you savored the moment, Heeseung staring at you with shiny eyes, trying to memorize every bit of your expressions. You looked like an angel to him, a sweet doll who was made to be kept safe with him. He wanted to keep you safe. 

The sight was orgasmic, Heeseung’s raging boner would agree with it, however he wasn’t done having a taste of you, he was greedy by all means, almost as if he got addicted to your taste within seconds, he wanted to taste you again, and again. 

Before you could even register what was going on, Heeseung grabbed your panties from the hem, ripping them into two instead of simply sliding them down your legs, your eyes widening at the sight of your now torn underwear. 

He doesn’t give you much chance to say anything, his lips latched to your sensitive cunt in an instant, your response of moans almost pavlovian, even more so when his digits prodded your entrance. He buried two fingers at once, deep down to the knuckles, loving how you clenched around him uncontrollably, your lewd noises almost pornographic as he continued his ministrations. 

The tip of his nose brushed your clit in the right way, his fingers curling inside you at the same time just for you to try and close your thighs out of sheer pleasure, which overstimulated you, but he was stronger as he held your legs open. 

Heeseung didn’t feel sober by any means, he knew he wouldn’t last much longer either, especially with how he’s absolutely drunk on the essence of your cunt and the melody of your moans. Pressing his clothes cock harder on the mattress, he sped up, fingering you with no resistance, your wetness being the perfect lubricant for him. 

“Doing so well for me, such a good slut for me,” he groaned against your cunt. 

You jolted out of pleasure, his pace and words left your pussy tightening as a signal that your second orgasm was approaching faster than ever, which only encouraged him to eat you out faster, shoving another finger into you as his dick twitched with unadulterated pleasure. 

Heeseung’s name was all you knew as you rode out your orgasm with desperation, tears cascading down your cheek and you swore you saw stars with how hard you came undone, watching him lick you up before he got up, getting rid of his pants and boxers in one go. 

You could only breathe deeply, eyes shamelessly taking in his hardened cock, the tip red and leaking with how much he’d held back all this while. You clumsily tried to get up, your legs still shaking as you sat up, “can I—” you tried to ask, embarrassed. 

“Hm, can you what, princess?” He asked, looking extremely attractive with his hair all over the place, lips cherry red and swollen, still glistening with the remains of your cum all over. 

“Wanna taste you,” your voice was barely a notch above whisper. 

“Oh—fuck. You’re such a pretty little slut for me,” he chuckled with amusement, “yeah? Is that what my doll wants? Want my cock in your sweet little mouth?” He asked, standing right in front of your mouth. 

You nodded, your eyes big and pleading which only had him twitching, even more so when you gently grabbed the base of his cock, placing the faintest kiss on his tip, “a slut for you, yeah,” you mumbled, peppering kisses all over his length as he bit his lip at the sight, adam’s apple bobbing up and down when he gulped. 

With your tongue swirling around the tip, you finally took him in the warmth of your mouth, a loud moan escaping his lips once he saw you with your cheeks hollowed, sucking him in so desperately, your hands massaging his balls simultaneously. He grips the back of your head, holding you in place as you sucked harshly on the tip of his dick, his body shuddering with immense pleasure. 

He was already leaking when he tasted you, but having you on your knees for him, looking up with tears in your eyes as you drooled and whined, sending vibrations up his cock, that was it for him, but you didn’t let him move back, feeling the warm clawing of his orgasm on your tongue as you let him finish inside your mouth. 

He had beads of sweat forming on his forehead by the time he finished, taking deep breaths but still staring at you, eyes full of adoration as you took his cock out of your mouth with a pop. 

“You okay, love?” He asked, sitting down next to you, caressing the curve of your cheek gently. 

You let him sit down next to you, and he did not expect you to open your mouth to show your tongue after you gulped down his cum. 

“Fuck, oh fuck,” he groaned, chuckling right after and cupping your jaw, “we’re so not done here, princess,” he said and your eyes widened. 

“W—what?” You asked, breathing in deeply when he pressed a firm kiss on your lips, not moving back as he spoke. 

“You really thought I’d let you go without fucking that pretty cunt of yours, hm?”

“Heeseung—It’s so sensitive right now,” you whispered, holding on to his arm. 

“Shh, you can take it, right?”

His tone was enticing, the proximity paired with the intoxication Heeseung so eagerly provided had you nodding at his words. No guy had ever made you cum more than once and here Heeseung was, on his way to give you your third orgasm of the night. 

“Yeah,” you whispered. 

“Yeah?” He asked, tone breathy. 

“Yeah, please,” you replied, and he chuckled, pulling you into another rushed kiss, slotting his lips against yours. 

His kisses got harsher as he pushed you down on the bed again, holding you underneath him, your body reacting to him in an instant as you spread your legs further when he pushed his thigh up, pressing it on your cunt. 

You moaned into his mouth, he swallowed every bit of it, almost greedy as if he didn’t want anyone else to even hear how pretty you sound. It was just for him, you were made for him. 

“Ready, baby?” Heeseung asked, rubbing the tip of his cock against your pussy, the wetness lubricating his length as he stroked himself a few times, looking back at you when you nodded, “are you sure?” 

“Hm—yeah. Are you?” You asked back. 

“Never been more ready for anything, princess,” he whispered, dipping down to press his lips against yours. 

He wastes zero time, both your eyes fluttering shut in ecstasy as he pushed himself into your needy hole, your back arching as you both shifted to be closer to each other, the stretch of his thickness was almost delicious and you couldn’t help but dig your nails on his back, trying to get a hold of yourself. 

Heeseung moans out loud without any care, the way your walls gripped his bulbous size, “fucking hell you feel so good,” he cursed out loud. 

Bottoming out was easy with how aroused you were, your wetness making him slide in deeper than any cock you’ve ever taken before. It felt straight out of a wet dream how Heeseung looked at you with hooded eyes, a smirk forming on his face at your obvious pleasure filled expression. 

“You see this, princess?” He pulled back, thrusting in harder as you mewled, his hand coming to rest right on top of your abdomen, pressing down right there just enough so he could feel his cock bulge, “told you it’d reach right here.” He chuckled. 

“You’re crazy,” you cried out, “so fucking b—big.”

“And you love it,” he hisses as you clench up around him, moaning and agreeing with whatever your pretty boy had to say. 

Ramming into your hole made your tits bounce with each hard thrust of his, tempting him enough to reach forward to capture your nipple between his lips, sucking on them with no gentleness.  

You tug on his hair, something that you knew would drive him insane. He practically growled, biting your nipple and sucking on it, littering marks all around your chest all while pistoning into you. 

“Mine, you’re fucking mine,” he mumbled, the sound of skin slapping resonating the room, which was the prettiest sound Heeseung had ever heard, simply because it was a harmony of you and him, adding your whines and moans to the mix only made it better. 

“God—Heeseung,” you struggled to breathe, now gripping your sheets as he abused your pussy, almost demonic in a way—something you really needed to satiate your desires, which Heeseung was fulfilling oh so beautifully. 

Just when you thought it wouldn’t get any better, Heeseung pushed two of his fingers right on your sensitive bundle of nerves, working them in circles as if he was a professional and you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore. 

“Did I say you were allowed to look away?” Heeseung asked, coming closer to your face, however you could barely form a reply, which had him scoffing and stopping his actions, finally getting a cry out of you as you looked at him. 

“That’s a good doll, keep your eyes on me, yeah?” He whispered, sinking in impossibly deeper as you let your tears out, which turned him on even more than he thought was possible, “love how wet you get for me, shit—you feel so fucking good for me,” he said, dragging his tongue up your cheek, gathering your salty tears and licking them up. 

You loved every second of this, his hand coming to slap your ass, grabbing a fistful of it to grope you harder while you absolutely let yourself submit to him, his dirty words only making you clench harder, your skin burning with the traces of his touch all over. 

You felt like you were being split open as he rambled about how good you felt, it was addicting how your name rolled off his tongue in a possessive moan as he fucked you with pure need, also kissing you from time to time, his forehead pressed against yours as he stimulated your clit faster. 

The room felt misty almost, but that was just the essence of you both being ever so desperate with each other, like your friends had always said—you needed to fuck it out. 

And Heeseung was doing a splendid job at it, your legs twitching at this point with how sensitive your body was, body too fucked out, words not making any sense minus the few weak moans of Heeseung’s name. 

You were so turned on, you didn’t want this to end but it was beyond impossible for you to hold yourself any longer, “gonna—gonna cum, please,” you begged, grabbing his face and pulling him into a kiss as he grunted out. 

“Yeah, kitten? Gonna cum for me? Do it, baby,” he whispered. 

His strong arms held you in place, pushing himself deep in your pulsing pussy as if you were a toy to him, but his kisses said otherwise, they were full of longing and endless desire, and he never wished to stop. 

With a deep breath, you pulsated around him, leaking around his size with each aggressive pounding he gave you, and before you knew it, you were squirting all over his cock, ruining your bedsheets and surprising Heeseung who only rubbed your clit harder. 

“Fuck—you’re so hot,” he groaned, a final thrust shooting his load of cum inside your cunt, staying right there as you both breathed the same air, taking a few minutes to lay side by side when he pulled out, the mixture of your cum dripping down your cunt. 

Heeseung still held on to you, his arms wrapping your body close to him, patting your back gently, “you okay, love? You did so well for me,” he mumbled, kissing your forehead. 

A newfound warmth spread your body as you witnessed Heeseung being genuinely sweet to you, a small smile caressing your face as you nodded, snuggling close to him and he let you do that, whispering praises in your ear, making you laugh and laughing along with you. 

He knew you both couldn’t sleep on your bed for the night, so he asked you if you wished to sleep with him, and it somehow left you shy as you said yes. Getting up was hard when your legs felt wobbly, but Heeseung was strong enough to help you up and go to the washroom with you. 

You both were silent as he helped you sit on the marble counter of the washbasin, grabbing your towel and dampening it with lukewarm water, you simply observed him being absolutely concentrated, devoted almost with how he cleaned you up, a pout forming on his lips as he did so. 

It was endearing how soft he was all of a sudden, and you needed him to speak up and talk about everything that’s been happening with you both, the mixed signals, the teasing, the jealousy, and of course, the intimate moment you just shared, it needs to be discussed. 

You stayed mum, observing him till he was satisfied cleaning you, asking if you felt okay, comfortable with him. Nodding with a little smile was enough of an answer for him, as he made sure to dress you up in the comfiest oversized t-shirt he owned, and soon you were both getting comfortable under his blanket.

That’s when you decided to finally talk to him about the whole situation. 

“So—” you started, slight awkwardness in your voice as Heeseung turned to look at you, his face practically shining. 

“Uh—why did you like—hate me? Or did whatever you did to—”

“Woah woah, calm down, baby,” he said, clearly noticing the panic in your voice. 

You were never the one to confront. 

“I never hated you, how could I? You just ignored me from the fifth grade and I didn’t know what to do—” he paused, as if ashamed of himself in a way. 

“You hated me, Heeseung,” you said, eyes widening at the accusation. 

“Me?”

“Yeah, don’t you remember?”

“No,” he dragged, as if trying to think of where it went wrong. 

You sat up straighter, wincing slightly due to the obvious soreness between your legs, looking at him, “wow, you really don’t know?”

Heeseung looked lost as ever.  

“Fifth grade, the house party? The so-called biggest party of the year? You don’t remember playing truth and dare?” You asked, looking up at him with big eyes which he found so adorable. 

“Oh, yeah. That’s the party we went to but then you started ignoring me after it,” Heeseung spoke, wondering what went wrong. 

“God, you really are so clueless. We all went together, you and our group, we never really talked much but—but I had a little crush on you—hey! Don’t smirk, so yeah,” you continued and he chuckled. 

What you didn’t know was that he was feeling all sorts of giddy deep inside. You liked him? You? The girl he’s always wanted, liked him back? 

“You were asked this question in front of every single person we knew,” you said, a sad pout on your face, “to name someone you’d be willing to kiss in that room.”

Heeseung finally understood where you were heading but you didn’t let him interrupt, resting your finger on his lips. 

“You know what you said?”

“I didn’t mean it that way—”

“Do you really remember what you said?” Your voice was louder now, a genuine look of disbelief on your face, “you said you’d kiss anyone in that room but me.”

There was haunting silence as you finished your sentence, you tried to sit up, only for your legs to give out as you fell directly into Heeseung’s arms. This shut you up in a second before you gulped and folded your arms, face heating up regardless of the whole situation, which almost felt comical at this point. 

Then you started whining and complaining about how humiliating the situation was, a clear sign that Heeseung absolutely hated her and how she had to run away from the party with a heavy heart feeling hurt, as her crush had practically rejected her. 

In front of everyone at that. 

“Listen to me,” he said, voice deep and eyes earnest as he grabbed your arms, making sure your whole attention was on him. 

“You never used to look at me, even then. Whenever I tried to, someone would get in between us. That day—I truly wanted to ask you out.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I do think I said it the wrong way. I knew you hadn’t had your first kiss,” he said, looking elsewhere for a second, “and I knew if I took your name then they’d make me kiss you as the dare right after. I didn’t want our first kiss to be like that, in front of everyone, as a dare.”

“You cannot be serious,” you muttered in complete amusement. 

“But you ran out of the party and stopped talking to me altogether so I had to resort to other ways—”

“Like pranking and bothering me?”

“—well, it did help me get your attention, didn’t it?” He smirked, and you scoffed. 

“You’re such a duffer, Lee Heeseung,” you chuckled, still not over the fact that all of this hatred, jealousy, pranks, and well, weird but angry arguments, were all based on what?

A misunderstanding. 

You both stared at each other for a few seconds before bursting into laughter, him pulling you close as you felt his chest vibrate, chuckling over this ridiculously stupid misunderstanding. 

“So, you’ve liked me all along, huh?” He teased, and you pushed him away with a chuckle, mustering a stoic expression. 

“Don’t even start, Lee Heeseung. You have been bothering me because you liked me but didn’t have the balls to say it!” You laughed and he looked offended. 

“Excuse me?” He raised his eyebrow, tickling you all over with a smile as you squirmed, laughing uncontrollably before hitting on his arm a few times. 

“Wait—wait! I have to tell you something,” you said, trying to sit up again. 

“Yeah, princess?” He whispered. 

“So, about what happened—”

“God, you look so pretty,” Heeseung said out of nowhere, staring at you with heart eyes, making you smile shyly. 

If the past you would look at yourself, you’d probably end up throwing up with how cheesy it looked, yet right now, in the moment, everything felt right with Heeseung. 

“Anyway.” You shook your head before looking at him sheepishly, “remember when Beomgyu came home right?”

Heeseung frowned at the mention of his name. 

“We—didn’t have sex,” You let out. 

“What?” He practically exclaimed, “he didn’t touch you? You didn’t do anything? But I heard—”

“Yeah he was bothering me so I tickled him and he moaned—but wait, you were listening to us? Eavesdropping?” You asked, “oh you were that jealous? Couldn’t help but listen pathetically from behind the closed doors—”

He shut you up by kissing you again, not stopping as you pulled him closer with a smile. 

“You’re crazy,” Heeseung breathed out and you knew he meant it in a good way. 

“And you’re mine,” you smiled, gently rubbing your nose against his. 

“So fucking yours.” He mirrored your expression, pulling you in for a sweet kiss. 

At that moment, you truly felt happy. 

And that’s all that mattered. 

Chapter 10: I saw it coming. 

It’s baffling. 

Transitioning from your so-called enemies to future potential lovers. The bickering is still there, however, now it results in a passionate makeout session and more. 

Apparently Heeseung was hellbent on fucking you in every corner of your house, till everyone came back that is. He wouldn’t even sleep in separate rooms, sticking by your side as if his life depended on it, even offering to shower with you saying—“it saves water” only for him to fuck you in there. 

It was surprising each time Heeseung acted cheesy in front of you, making food for you, only to feed you with his own hands. He, the one who acted all tough and nonchalant in front of others, was the same guy who begged you for cuddles, head pats, kisses. 

You had never thought he would ever be willing to sit down and watch Barbie movies with you but yet again, he proved you wrong. He was so loving, as if it came naturally to him, which was a surprise given he never had a girlfriend before. 

He had the biggest pout on his face as you laughed with your whole heart, holding the couple keychain Heeseung insisted you have. As cheesy as it got, you loved it, and he loved seeing you smile. 

Especially when he was the one who made you smile. 

“Does this mean we’re dating now?”

“W—what? Are we not?” Heeseung asked, slightly taken aback and you chuckled. 

“Well, you didn’t ask me to be your girlfriend yet,” you mumbled. 

“Oh, okay then let me do it right now,” he said, getting down on one knee with the keychain in his hand, “will you, Y/N, make me the happiest man alive and let me be your boyfriend?” He asked, with glittering eyes. 

You rolled your eyes affectionately, “you’re so cute, Lee Heeseung, and yes, I allow you to be my boyfriend,” you smiled, pecking his lips softly. 

However, being so engrossed in your own little world now, you both forgot something highly important that was going to happen today. 

Your friends were literally standing outside the apartment, opening the door, as you and Heeseung casually sat on the couch, practically eating each other’s faces off. 

Safe to say, the reaction was no less than explosive, especially the scream that left their mouths, a look of pure horror gracing their faces, your expression mirroring their own, as if you got caught doing something illegal. 

Everyone was shocked, minus Sunghoon, who simply leaned against the door with his arms folded and a knowing smirk on his face. 

“Told ya they’d be fucking by the time we come back.”

THANK YOU FOR READING!

permanent taglist: @jaeminvore @macaroonff @ajayke-reads @lunalovesstories @deobitifull

@celeste-hoon @mari-oclock @kpoprhia @ikeuizm @woniebae

@lalalalawon @blessedcursd @skzenhalove @heesuncore @seuomo

@kyurizeu @tobiosbbyghorl @jezzebear @jaehoonii @itsgivingitalian

@bunhoons @ma-riiii @addictedtohobi @heeliopheelia

@haanigurl @kaykay11sworld @glitterjay @skzooluvr

© jaylaxies | tumblr

[elliesbabygirl]

ch.004 ⇄ ch. 005; Being in Love - Wet Leg

"I feel like someone has punched me in the guts, but I kinda like it 'cause it feels like being in love"

my masterlist.

word count: 4.6k words

series synopsis: friends with benefits, that's what ellie wanted. yet, she can't let you go, even after the messy 'breakup' between the two of you.

warnings: swearing, yearning, kissing, fingering (r! receiving), cheating, envisioning sex partner as somebody else, scissoring, hickeys, biting, tit-sucking (r! receiving) , slight nipple play( r! receiving), slight clit play (r!receiving), and pet names. lmk if I missed anything 🚶‍♂️‍➡️enjoy.. (still not proof read)

author's note: as promised, here's ch.005 a little earlier than usual since I was so late with uploading ch. 004, the timeline is a little fast paced in this ch. I wanna say all of this happens within the span of a week n a half, maybe? also cocky! ellie comes back for a split second before turning back into a hot mess. I'm gonna start ramping up the series as we get messier and closer to the end🫦so buckle the fuck up bitches!

The early morning air was thick with fog as you both walked out of the IHOP, the world outside still quiet, barely awake. The streetlights cast a soft, hazy glow over the parking lot, and everything felt muted—like the conversation inside had drained all the noise from the world.

Ellie walked ahead, unlocking her truck with a quick press of her keys before climbing into the driver’s seat. You slid into the passenger side, adjusting in the worn leather seat as she started the engine.

The heater kicked on, warming the cabin, but the silence between you both was thick, awkward. Ellie tapped her fingers against the steering wheel, biting the inside of her cheek before clearing her throat.

“So, uh…” she started, voice hesitant, eyes still fixed on the road. “Things are, uh… going good with Abby?”

You blinked at her, caught off guard.

Ellie’s grip on the wheel tightened, she already knew the answer. Of course things were going good. Of course you were happy, she wasn’t stupid.

But she still asked.

You hesitated before giving a slow nod. “Yeah, they are.”

Ellie swallowed hard, keeping her expression neutral. “Cool,” she muttered. “Cool. That’s… good.”

The awkwardness thickened.

She hated this, hated pretending like she wanted to hear that.

Her fingers twitched against the wheel, her knee bouncing slightly as the fog outside swallowed the road ahead. She focused too hard on driving, on the way the headlights barely cut through the mist—anything to keep herself from completely falling apart.

And then—without thinking—her hand moved.

Out of habit, out of muscle memory, she reached toward you, toward your thigh, like she used to so many times before. Her fingers barely brushed against the fabric of your jeans before she realized what she was doing—who you were with now—and jerked her hand back, gripping the gear shift instead.

“Fuck,” she muttered under her breath, ears burning, barely audible over the low hum of the engine.

The touch lingered in the air between you both, heavy and unspoken.

She could feel your eyes on her, could feel the way you noticed, but neither of you said anything.

Ellie swallowed, staring hard at the road, barely remembering why she had asked you to have this talk in the first place. She was too distracted with the fact that you were right there.

The truck rumbled to a stop outside your dorm, the engine humming softly as the fog curled around the streetlamps. Neither of you moved.

Ellie’s hands stayed tight on the wheel, knuckles white, gripping it like a lifeline, like if she just held on tight enough, she could stop time—stop you from leaving, stop this moment from slipping through her fingers like everything else.

You sighed softly beside her, shifting in your seat. When you turned to look at her, it wasn’t to say anything, wasn’t to linger—just to say goodbye.

And Ellie couldn’t let that happen.

She leaned in before she could talk herself out of it, before you could pull away, before she had to sit with the unbearable silence stretching between you. Her fingers brushed against your jaw, hesitant but desperate, and then—

She kissed you.

And this time—

You kissed her back.

It wasn’t like before.

It wasn’t muscle memory, it wasn’t a flicker of the past.

It was real, present, something between you unfolding as her lips moved against yours, slow but full of something that had been buried for too long.

Ellie’s fingers tightened against your skin, her other hand gripping the fabric of your sleeve as she pressed into you, needing you, craving you in a way she hadn’t let herself before.

And for those few stolen moments, you let her have it.

But then, your hands tensed against her hoodie, your breath hitching—

And you pulled away.

“Ellie,” you whispered, shaking your head. “I can’t—”

Ellie exhaled sharply, her hand still hovering near your face, her lips still tingling from you. “Why not?” she whispered, her voice uneven, cracking at the edges. “You’re not even official with her, it’s not—”

“I can’t do this to her.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, but it slammed into her like a punch to the gut. “I can’t give her false hope like you did to me.”

Ellie’s breath caught.

The words knocked the wind out of her, made her stomach twist in a way that felt painfully familiar, as if she was reliving the sucker punch abby did to her stomach.

Was this what being in love felt like?

“I—” Ellie tried, her voice desperate, “I wouldn’t— fuck, I wouldn’t do that to you again.” She swallowed hard, her fingers curling into a fist. “This isn’t wrong. You— you’re mine, you always have been—"

“Ellie,” you exhaled, voice strained.

And the way you said her name—the weight of it—made her stop.

You pulled away completely, reaching for the door handle, the space between you stretching into something too wide to close.

Ellie’s heart pounded as she watched you step out, still breathless, still reeling.

The passenger door shut with a quiet finality.

Two days later..

Abby’s apartment was warm, the low glow of the TV casting flickering shadows across the walls. A half-empty bowl of popcorn sat between you, forgotten as you curled into Abby’s side, her arm draped comfortably around your shoulders. Her body was solid, steady, her fingers absentmindedly tracing light patterns against your arm as the movie played.

But you weren’t watching it.

Your mind was elsewhere.

No matter how hard you tried to shake it, the moment in Ellie’s truck kept replaying in your head. The way she had looked at you—desperate, pleading. The way her voice had cracked when she told you, she wanted to fight for you. The way she kissed you, like she needed you, like she thought if she just held on tight enough, you wouldn’t leave again.

You exhaled softly, forcing yourself to focus, to be here—with Abby.

She was warm beside you, her steady breathing, her easy presence, everything that had been so good for you these past few weeks. And yet—your body felt tense, restless, something unspoken sitting heavy in your chest.

You shifted slightly, tilting your head up to look at her. Abby glanced down at you, a small, lazy smile pulling at her lips. “What?” she murmured.

You didn’t answer—not with words, at least.

Instead, you leaned up, pressing your lips to hers.

Abby made a soft sound of surprise, but she responded easily, her grip around you tightening as she deepened the kiss. Her lips were soft, familiar, but as much as you wanted to lose yourself in it, to drown out everything in her touch, the memory of Ellie still lingered at the back of your mind.

Ellie, reaching for you.

Ellie, whispering your name like a prayer.

Ellie, begging you to stay.

You pressed harder into Abby, trying to chase away the ghost of that moment, trying to remind yourself that this was where you were supposed to be.

That Abby was real, safe.

That she deserved more than this weight sitting between you two.

And yet—

No matter how hard you kissed her, no matter how tightly you held onto her—

Ellie’s voice wouldn’t leave your head.

The kiss deepened, turning into something more than just a simple distraction. Abby responded without hesitation, her grip on you firm but careful, her lips parting against yours as she pulled you closer.

To her, it probably felt natural—the way you melted into her, the way your hands curled into the fabric of her hoodie, the way you kissed her with an urgency she wasn’t used to.

To you, it was desperation.

A need to forget. A need to drown out the weight of Ellie’s voice, the feeling of her hands, the way she begged for you.

Abby hummed against your mouth, her fingers trailing down your spine, her other hand slipping beneath your shirt, warm and solid against your skin. She deepened the kiss, matching your intensity, her breathing growing heavier as the movie on the screen faded into background noise.

Your hands roamed on instinct, gripping her shoulders, pressing into the familiar strength of her body. Abby’s lips moved to your jaw, then your neck, her breath hot against your skin as she whispered, “Didn’t think you’d be this into the movie night.”

You let out a quiet, breathy laugh, but it wasn’t real.

Because this wasn’t about this.

It wasn’t about Abby.

It was about pushing Ellie away.

About erasing the ghost of her mouth against yours, her voice in your ear, her fingers twitching toward you with a need she never let herself show before.

Abby didn’t know.

She didn’t know that every movement, every kiss, every touch was a distraction—a desperate attempt to silence the part of you that still ached for someone else.

And for now, you let yourself pretend that it was enough.

Abby moved with certainty, her fingers slipping past the waistband of your shorts, her touch teasing but firm. She knew exactly what she was doing—taking her time, making you wait for it, letting the anticipation build until you could barely breathe.

Her mouth brushed against your ear, her breath hot and steady. “You always get this worked up for me, baby?” she murmured, her voice smooth, dripping with amusement.

You exhaled sharply, fingers curling into the fabric of her hoodie, hips shifting instinctively as her fingers explored, teasing you through your underwear before slipping beneath.

The first touch sent a shudder up your spine, your lips parting as a soft, shaky moan left you. Abby hummed in approval, pressing a slow, open-mouthed kiss to your jaw before trailing lower, her teeth grazing the sensitive skin of your neck.

“So good for me,” she muttered, voice husky, her fingers moving with deliberate, torturous precision.

Your body arched into her, your breath stuttering, pleasure coiling inside you. But your mind—fuck, your mind—

It wasn’t here.

It wasn’t on Abby, on her steady hands, on her confident touch.

It was on Ellie.

Ellie’s desperate hands on your face in the truck.

Ellie’s voice cracking as she begged you.

Ellie’s lips pressed against yours like she needed you.

You let out a soft whimper, eyes squeezing shut, your body reacting before your mind could stop it.

“Baby,” you gasped, gripping onto Abby’s arms, needing something to ground yourself.

Abby groaned against your skin, her movements growing firmer, hungrier. “Fuck, I love hearing you like that.”

You bit your lip, swallowing back the name that almost slipped out.

Because for just a second—for one brief, fucked-up second—it wasn’t Abby touching you.

It was Ellie.

Ellie, whispering your name against your throat.

Ellie, making you fall apart under her hands.

Ellie, pressing into you like she owned you.

The pleasure surged higher, tightening in your core, but you couldn’t tell anymore if it was Abby making you feel this way—

Or if it was the ghost of Ellie lingering in the back of your mind.

Abby’s fingers moved with slow, deliberate precision, teasing at first, dragging through your slick before pressing inside with an ease that made your breath stutter. She was good—confident in the way she touched you, in the way she curled her fingers just right, in the way her thumb pressed against your clit in a rhythm that had your thighs trembling.

“You feel so good, baby,” she murmured against your skin, her voice low, deep, sending warmth pooling through your body. She kissed along your jaw, her free hand gripping your hip, anchoring you as she thrust her fingers deeper, her pace unhurried but intentional.

Your head tilted back against the couch, lips parting as your breath came in uneven gasps. But when you opened your eyes, looking at her—

You saw Ellie.

It was so fucked up, but your brain couldn’t stop twisting it, couldn’t stop replacing the person in front of you with the one you had been desperately trying to forget.

Ellie, gripping your waist.

Ellie, watching your face as she worked you open.

Ellie, begging for you in that damn truck.

A choked sound slipped from your lips, your body reacting before your mind could catch up.

Abby groaned at the sound, her fingers moving faster, pressing deeper, fucking into you with a slow, devastating intensity. “That’s it, baby,” she muttered, her lips brushing the shell of your ear. “Let me hear you.”

You knew it was Abby, you knew that.

But for just a second—with the way her fingers filled you, the way her body pressed into yours, the way she held you together as you came undone beneath her—

It felt like Ellie.

Ellie, whispering mine against your lips.

Ellie, watching your body react to her every touch.

Ellie, knowing exactly how to break you apart.

Your fingers dug into Abby’s back, your moans growing shakier, higher-pitched, your body tensing as pleasure coiled impossibly tight.

You were too far gone, too caught up in your own head, and before you could stop yourself—

“Fuck—” Your breath hitched, and you almost said her name, almost.

But you swallowed it back just in time.

Abby didn’t notice. She was too caught up in you, too focused on the way you were falling apart under her.

And you let her believe it.

Because if you let yourself think about what was really happening—about who you were really thinking about—

You weren’t sure you’d be able to stop.

The lecture hall was dimly lit, the glow of the projector casting long shadows across the room. The professor’s voice droned on about cognitive biases, something about heuristics and decision-making, but none of it was registering—not when this was happening.

Your pinky brushed against Ellie’s.

Neither of you moved at first, both pretending it wasn’t intentional, that it was just an accident, just a side effect of sitting too close. But neither of you moved away either.

You stared at the screen, eyes unfocused, feeling the warmth of her skin against yours.

Ellie was pretending too, sitting stiff beside you, bouncing her knee under the desk, her fingers twitching slightly on the table. But you caught it—the way she glanced down at your hands, then back up at you.

Slowly, you turned your head to look at her, and that’s when she did it.

A small, nervous smile, barely there, her lips pulling at the corner as she bit her bottom lip, something hesitant but hopeful flickering in her green eyes.

And then—Ellie moved first.

Her fingers slid over yours, slow and careful, before intertwining with them fully. Her palm was warm against yours, her thumb running lightly over your knuckles, back and forth in a slow, unthinking rhythm.

She didn’t look at you again.

She just kept her eyes ahead, staring blankly at the professor, pretending like this wasn’t the biggest fucking deal in the world to her.

Like she wasn’t sitting here, barely breathing, her pulse pounding in her ears as she held your hand for the first time in what felt like forever.

She didn’t care about Abby. She didn’t care about what this meant, about what she was doing.

She just knew that she had you here, in the smallest way.

And for now, that was enough—

Ellie barely got the door unlocked before your lips crashed into hers again, all teeth and desperation, hands tangled in the fabric of her hoodie as you pulled her closer. She groaned against your mouth, fumbling with the handle, nearly missing it in her rush to get you inside.

It wasn't enough for Ellie, actually.

She needed you, craved you.

“I hate you,” you whispered between kisses, your breath hot against her lips, your voice dripping with something that sounded like anger but felt like need.

Ellie barely registered the words, barely heard them over the blood rushing in her ears, the way your fingers gripped at her like you couldn’t stand the space between you. “Yeah?” she murmured, smirking as she finally shoved the door open, her hands finding your waist, guiding you inside. “That why you’re all over me right now?”

Before you could answer, she spun you around, pressing you hard against the closed door, trapping you between the wood and the heat of her body.

Your head fell back with a soft thud as Ellie’s lips devoured your neck, open-mouthed kisses trailing along your skin, each one messier, hungrier than the last. She groaned when your fingers tugged at the back of her hair, her nails digging into your waist through the fabric of your shirt.

“Fucking missed you,” she murmured against your throat, her voice rough, needy, her hands gripping at your hips like she was trying to memorize the feel of you.

You let out a breathless moan, arching into her touch, your resolve slipping away with every press of her lips, every scrape of her teeth against sensitive skin.

Her hands roamed, slipping beneath your shirt, fingertips dragging over bare skin, igniting heat in their wake. She wasn’t taking her time—she wasn’t pretending to be patient. She needed this, needed you.

And you were just as desperate

You grabbed the hem of her hoodie, yanking it up, needing to feel her, to get as close as possible. Ellie groaned, letting you tug it over her head, barely giving you a second before her mouth was on yours again, her hands already pushing up your shirt in return.

Her lips were hot, demanding, everywhere.

And then—without warning—she grabbed you by the thighs and lifted you.

You gasped, arms instinctively wrapping around her shoulders as she carried you through the apartment, barely making it three steps before she kicked open her bedroom door.

It slammed against the wall, rattling slightly, but neither of you cared.

Ellie groaned as she tossed you onto the bed, crawling over you immediately, her breath heavy, her green eyes dark with something unreadable.

Her fingers traced your stomach, sliding lower, her lips already back on your neck, her weight pressing you into the mattress.

You weren’t thinking about anything else.

Not Abby.

Not what this meant.

Nor how wrong it was.

Just Ellie—all over you, all around you, making you hers again.

Ellie was everywhere.

Her hands, her mouth, the weight of her body pressing you into the mattress—it was all too much and not enough at the same time. The room was dimly lit, hazy with the scent of sweat and something undeniably Ellie, the sheets already tangled beneath you both as clothes were stripped away piece by piece.

Your shirt hit the floor first, followed by her hoodie. She barely gave you time to breathe before she was on you again, lips hot and desperate against yours, fingers fumbling to tug your shorts down, her breathing ragged, uneven.

“Fuck, I missed this,” she groaned against your mouth, her hands roaming down your bare skin, gripping, squeezing like she needed to commit the feeling of you to memory.

You gasped as she pushed you back against the pillows, her lips trailing down your jaw, your neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses that turned into soft bites, sucking bruises into your skin like a fucking claim.

“Ellie—” you whimpered, body arching into her as she pressed a knee between your legs, teasing, her breath heavy against your collarbone.

She exhaled sharply, her own body shuddering as she sat up, yanking her sweats down, leaving herself in nothing but a black sports bra, her toned stomach flexing as she moved above you.

Your breath caught in your throat.

She looked wrecked—her lips swollen from kissing, her green eyes blown with want, her chest rising and falling with each unsteady breath.

“Please,” she murmured, her voice breaking slightly, her fingers trailing down your sides, her touch featherlight, reverent. “Let me feel you.”

You barely had time to register her words before she was slotting herself between your legs, her skin burning against yours as she lined up with you, her slick dragging against your own.

The first grind had you both moaning, your hands gripping at her arms, nails digging in as she shuddered above you.

“Fucking hell.” Ellie choked out, her forehead pressing against yours as she rocked her hips forward, slow at first, her hands gripping your thighs to keep you close.

Her breathing was uneven, her lips brushing against yours with every movement, her whimpers slipping through the cracks in her voice as her pace quickened.

“Fuck—fuck,” she gasped, kissing you again, her lips needy, sloppy, as she rolled her hips faster, harder.

You whimpered into her mouth, your hands flying to her back, feeling the heat of her skin, the tremble in her muscles as she moved against you, her breath stuttering with each grind.

“I need you,” she groaned, voice wrecked, her grip on your thighs tightening. “I fucking need you—”

She kissed you like she was starving, like this wasn’t just about sex—like it was about something deeper, something she couldn’t put into words.

Her body trembled, her moans turning higher, needier, her pace stuttering as her hips snapped forward, chasing something she hadn’t let herself have in so long.

And fuck—so were you.

Ellie was losing it.

Her movements turned frantic, her hips grinding against you with more urgency, more desperation, her breath coming out in ragged gasps as she chased the feeling of release she had been starving for.

“Fuck, I missed this,” she groaned, voice shaking, her hands gripping your thighs, fingers digging into your skin as she rocked against you, slick and messy and so fucking good. “Missed you—missed your pussy—”

Her head dipped down suddenly, her lips latching onto your nipple, sucking hard before flicking her tongue over the sensitive bud, drawing a sharp gasp from your throat.

“Ellie—”

She moaned against your skin, her other hand slipping up to cup your other breast, fingers rolling your nipple between them, teasing, playing with you like she had all the time in the world—like she wasn’t already on the edge.

“I’m so sorry,” she muttered against your skin, her voice breaking between gasps, between moans. “Fuck— I was so mean to you, baby—so fucking mean to my pretty girl—”

She kissed her way back up your chest, her lips swollen, her eyes hazy, desperate.

“I’ll make it up to you,” she swore, her forehead pressing against yours as she snapped her hips forward faster, grinding harder, the friction almost too much, almost perfect. “I’ll be so fucking good to you, baby, just—fuck—just let me have you again—”

Her words wrecked you, made you clench around nothing, made your nails dig into her back as she worked you both closer, closer, her whimpers turning into soft, breathy cries.

She was right there.

And she wasn’t letting go of you ever again.

Ellie was gone, lost in you, in the way your bodies moved together, the way your breath hitched every time she pressed just right against you. Her pace stuttered, hips snapping forward in desperate, uneven grinds as she chased the high building between you.

“Come for me,” she begged, voice raw, lips dragging over your neck in slow, open-mouthed kisses. “Fuck—please, baby, let me feel you—”

Her words sent a shiver through you, your body tensing as the pressure coiled impossibly tight, your breath catching—

And then you broke.

A choked moan slipped from your lips as pleasure crashed over you, your nails biting into Ellie’s back, thighs squeezing tight around her hips as you came against her.

Ellie groaned at the feeling, her whole body trembling as her movements turned messy, her hips rutting into you in short, erratic grinds. “Fuck—fuck—” she gasped, burying her face against your throat, her breath hot, shaky—

And then she fell apart, her moan muffled against your skin as she shuddered, riding it out, her lips still pressing lazy, sloppy kisses to your neck, matching the slow roll of her hips as she came down with you.

The room was quiet, save for the sound of your breaths mingling, heavy and uneven, both of you tangled in the sheets, in each other.

Ellie exhaled against your skin, her voice barely above a whisper. “You’re all mine,” she murmured, lips brushing over your collarbone, her hands still gripping your waist like she was afraid you’d disappear. “All fucking mine.”

The morning light filtered softly through the curtains, casting a golden glow over tangled sheets and bare skin. The air smelled faintly of sweat, sex, and you—something Ellie wanted to drown herself in, wrap around her like a second skin.

She was already awake, sore in the best way, her body humming with the aftershocks of the night before. But it wasn’t just the feeling that had her smiling against your skin—it was you.

You, still asleep, your body relaxed in the early-morning haze, your lips slightly parted, your breath soft and even.

Ellie’s fingers traced idly over the marks she had left—dark hickeys blooming across your collarbone, throat, and swell of your chest. Hers. She hadn’t held back, too desperate to keep you, to mark you as hers again.

She exhaled a quiet chuckle before dipping her head, pressing slow, wet kisses to your collarbone, mouthing lazily at the bruises she’d left there, her smile never fading.

She didn’t care how sore she was. She didn’t care that she could barely move after how wrecked she was last night.

All she cared about was this—being here, having you like this, tangled up in her sheets, and covered in the evidence of her love-starved touches.

And fuck, if this was a dream, she never wanted to wake up.

© elliesbabygirl — all rights reserved. do not copy, translate or share my work on other media platforms.

Author's note: me when I'm messy and like to create drama for funn.. 🤭I need ellie to dick me down real baddd🫦LMAOO ignore my crazy ass cs ur girl is sick rn but yess, tell me what y'all think!! This was my first time writing smut so I'm a bit nervy to see what y'all think..hopefully it's okay at least 😭give me feedback and stuff!! I love when you guys full up the replies, it honestly encourages me sm and lets me know what I did good on!! feel free to fill up my request inbox too!!

TAGLIST: @liasxeatt @vahnilla @sleepingwasp @morticeras @violetszn @eriiwaii @elliesactualgirlfriend @mikellie @lovely-wisteria @idletyouruinme @losing-it-lately @robinphobia @sexlus @lez-zuha @liztreez @linabellaox

COMMENT TO BE ADDED TO MY TAGLIST!!

[vivmaek]

MARS SIGN OBSERVATIONS pt. II

♂ Virgo Mars - It seems as though individuals with this placement are running off some sort of nervous energy. It is best if these types are kept busy. They feel a deep need to be productive and are constantly scrounging for something to do. Relaxing is not something that comes easy to them. Their body is always occupied with some sort of task, they always have something to do. People with a Virgo Mars make for excellent multi-taskers. They can take on multiple projects all at once without forsaking the quality of their work. Systems and routines keep these people in check. They wouldn't be able to carry out all their plans without being diligent and organized.  Within the span of a single day, a Virgo Mars will carry out their work duties, participate in their favorite hobbies, run errands, and then socialize with friends. They can do it all. To others their life may seem rather hectic even if they personally feel like things are running smoothly. 

♂ Leo Mars - This is a great position for mars. People with this placement are truly in charge of their own lives. They run off a lot of passion and vitality, they love life. These types display a sort of strength that never goes unnoticed. They are incredibly ambitious and set big goals for themselves. Confidence and strong convictions will help them carry out their endeavors. They step into the role of a leader without thinking and have no problem dictating the actions of others. More often than not, these types tend to act on their ego. A Leo Mars carries everything out in a manner that is dramatic or grand. They have big hearts. Disloyalty and betrayal anger them the most. They seek admiration through their actions, and if this isn’t given to them, they will freak out. They are also more easily embarrassed in comparison to other placements. Humiliation is something they fear. 

♂ Cancer Mars - The actions of a Cancer Mars are directly tied to their emotional state. The same can be said for the level of energy that they display. They frequently go through highs and lows. They will feel ready to take on the world and then a couple weeks later they’ll feel a need to hide from the world. If they are in a bad mood, nothing is going to get done. However, they are still helpful. They don’t want to let people down and will still lend a hand if needed. Although there are times in which these types choose to be passive, they also have the ability to be direct and authoritative. When faced with injustice or the hurt feelings of others, they will stand up for what they believe is right with conviction. They are protective over people, and they express aggression in a way that is covert and manipulative. 

♂ Gemini Mars - People with this placement are forever outrunning boredom. They stretch themselves thin when it comes to being busy and taking on plans. A Gemini Mars is incredibly restless, these people are always on edge. When irritated, their words are cutting. Their nervousness may be mistaken for anger by others. They use a lot of sarcasm and love to stir up verbal debates. People with this placement might struggle with maintaining focus. They are great at starting projects but lack follow through. They become distracted easily, or even worse, they might become bored. Discovering the newness of life is what makes these types feel passionate. They live on the edge of their seats and their actions are driven by curiosity. A Gemini Mars needs to be doing something interesting everyday to feel satisfied. Quiet routines and the methodical process of everyday life drain people with this placement. 

♂ Taurus Mars - Those with a Taurus mars have a stubborn streak that surprises others. These types are calm and take life slow. For the most part, they live life in peace. They stick to themselves and aren’t ones to get involved in conflict or drama. Their goals are important to them, and they are methodical in their approach to success. People with this placement have an unwavering sense of determination. They don’t define themselves through their setbacks and failures. They understand the value of being still. Once they’ve set their mind on something, there is no turning back for them. Other people might mistake them for passive. However, they have no problem saying no and will put up a fight if their decision is pushed. They might become provoked if people unexpectedly change plans. These types are driven by stability and struggle with being adaptable. 

♂ Aries Mars - Impulsive, reckless, and flashy are just a few words that come to mind when thinking about this placement. People who have an Aries Mars are driven by instinct and tend to lead exciting lives. They’re not afraid to take action and are always ready for what's coming next. They move through life quickly. These types are competitive and like the idea of being the first to do something. They want to be number one, or the best, in whatever it is that they do. They’re quick to make decisions and love to take on a challenge. They lack patience and are angered by passive aggressiveness.  This placement is famous for displaying a quick temper. But, they are also quick to get over conflict and don’t hold grudges. 

[outsideratheart]

Meant to be - snippet (Alexia Putellas x reader)

A/N: this is only the first part of this fic which could be read as a stand alone fic or prequel to Birthdays in Bed. There is more, I promise.

Life has a funny way of giving you the thing you wanted most exactly when you needed it. Sometimes you think it isn’t meant for you, only for it to happen a few months later. 

Both you and Alexia were emotionally exhausted after going through 4 rounds of IVF. The first time didn’t take which you knew was a possibility but the fourth, that one was successful. As Christmas morning came around you watched as Alexia handed out Eli and Alba two very different presents that held the same meaning. They both welled up upon realising what it was you were telling them.

It was happiest time of your lives but only a couple a weeks later, a few days into the new year something felt wrong. You woke up in the middle of the night with sharp pains in your lower abdomen. When you pulled back the bedsheet and saw the red stains you knew exactly what was happening. Alexia woke up just as you got out of bed and saw you go into the en-suite. When she saw the cause of your awakening she jumped out of bed and ran to you.

It was a tough couple of months that followed. The team hadn’t been told that you were expecting so at least training was like normal, that was about the only place. You and Alexia were grieving the loss of your child and it was starting to take its toll. You had a decision to make. Do you try again or take a break to process the loss. In the end you agreed to try once more and if that one didn’t take then you would take a break until the summer where you would try another round.

“Are you ready?” Alexia stood in front of you in your bedroom with the test in her hand. You had sent her into the bathroom to get it as you were too nervous.

You nod your head. That told her yes but that wasn’t was you were feeling. You weren’t ready and that’s because you didn’t know if you want it to be positive or negative. The miscarriage affected you mentally more than you could have imagined.

Alexia looked down and whilst you tried to remain stoic, you saw her features drop a little bit and that told you all you needed to know.

“It’s negative, isn’t it?” You hold your hands out for her to take. She joins you on the bed and rests her head on your shoulder.

“Why is the universe so against us starting a family?” Your wife asked in defeat “We are good people”

“You, my love, are the amongst the very best people” you softly kiss her hairline “This is something that is out of our control. I have put a lot of stress on my body over the years may—“

“No!” Alexia’s head snapped up “You won’t blame yourself for this”

Alexia knew that you blamed yourself for the loss of your unborn child and whilst you promised you were doing better, she knew deep down the guilt was still there.

“I was going to say that it’s because of this stress that it might take a little bit longer than we hoped. Let’s face it, we are not the most patient people in the world”

The woman beside you chuckled as she fell backwards so she is now laying on the bed.

“We will have a family Alexia. It will happen when it is suppose to happen” 

“How do you know that?” 

“I don’t but I refuse to believe the alternative. Now, go shower because we have training in a hour and you know we can’t be late”

It was true. Every training session was crucial at the minute. The team were only a couple of games away from winning the league, the Champions League final was at the end of May and the Copa de La Reina semi final and final was at the beginning of June. It was a busy time for Barcelona and truth be told it was a welcomed distraction for the both of you.

Before you knew it you were playing in the Copa de La Reina final having won the league and the champions league within the span of a month. It was a final again Atleti, your favourite fixture of the season. You got to play against some of your best friends and it was always a good game.

“Once last game. What do you say? Shall we have some fun?” You nudge Alexia as you exit the locker room for the warms up.

“And dinner afterwards” Alexia suggested.

“You do realise that if we win then the whole team will be going on out dinner” you teased.

“I’ll take that as a yes” Alexia kisses you on your lips, leaving you in shock. Never had she done that before a game and not out in the open, not that you were complaining.

You ran your fingers over your lips as you savour the feeling of your wife’s lips on yours. There was something going on with Alexia. She was untouchable on the pitch and she played you ball after ball. Lola did a very good job at keeping your shots out of the net but some she stood no change at stopping. Going in to the final minutes it was 3-2 to Barcelona.

You were through on goal and it was only going to end one way. You felt so confident in the shot you had planned that you were already planning your celebration in your head. Only you never got the chance to fulfil it as you felt the full force of a pair of studs connect with your ankle and you heard something snap. Carmen was by your side immediately.

“Y/N! Y/N!”” Lola joined her followed by Alexia a couple of seconds later. Your wife didn’t push the defender out the way as she knew the tackle wasn’t on purpose. She simple went to your other side but not before looking at your ankle which was clearly broken.

It was bad. You knew this so you didn’t argue when the stretcher came onto the pitch. You were strangely calm as you talked to the physios and the players around you.

“Ale, please come with me to the hospital? I can’t go there alone not after last time” 

Staying and playing out the final seconds was never even a thought in Alexia’s mind. She knew the moment you were referring to and whilst you would be going to a different part of the hospital, she wouldn’t let you go alone.

A couple of hours later you were laid in a hospital room. Alexia was by your side as you both wait for the x-ray results. You knew they had to take them but you didn’t need a medical degree to know that you broke you ankle, it was a clean break and you knew that you would be out for an extended period of time.

It felt as is every five minutes three more footballers joined you in your room. You were pretty sure this many visitors weren’t allowed but you also know that the nurse was a fan which explains the leniency.

When the doctor came in there was enough football players to have a starting 11 and some subs. The older man laughed as he scanned the room. 

“I have your results. Miss Y/L/N—“

“It’s Putellas-Y/L/N” Alexia hated it when people called you by your maiden name even though the two of you never officially announced you were married.

“My apologies. Miss Putellas-Y/L/N” The doctor sent Alexia smile who nodded whilst smiling herself “as I was saying, I have your results. I think it’s best to talk to you in private. Your wife can stay of course”

Up until now you had remained in high spirits having already accepted your fate but the doctor words dampened those spirits entirely. 

“Is something wrong?” Alexia asked as she squeezed your hand three times.

“Not necessarily”

You told your friends that it was ok to leave and the doctor promised to come and get them once the results had been discussed.

The atmosphere in the room did a complete 180 as you and Alexia waited for the doctor to speak. 

“She has broken her ankle, no?” Alexia’s patience grows thin.

“Yes, let’s start with that” he says which confuses you and Alexia “You ankle is broken. It was a clean break but is a bad one. We are going to take you into surgery in the morning”

“No, you do it now. She is a professional athlete. She is a priority”

The doctor looked at you for help.

“Alexia, let the man speak. I’m sure there is a reason for the delay in surgery. There is a reason, right?” 

“There is a reason. It is part of procedure to take blood tests when a patient gets admitted. Y/N,” the man donning a white coat moves closer to you “Have you been trying to start a family?” 

This was private information. Information that you and alexia didn’t feel comfortable discussing with a stranger, nor were you ready to talk about it.

“We were. Did that play a part in the break? Did the hormones I’m taking weaken my body?” 

The doctor looks at you, over to the Alexia and then back to you.

“You’re pregnant. Rather far along actually”

You were rendered speechless. How is this possible? The text was negative and you haven’t tried since. There was no way you were pregnant. Alexia must share the same disbelief because she explains this to the doctor. He confirms again that you are indeed pregnant and that the hospital tests are much more accurate that the ones you take at home.

“You’re 9 weeks along. I have a nurse ready to give you an ultra sound if that is something you would like or we can schedule it for the moment when things are a little bit quieter” he laughs as he dips his head to the door, a reminder that your friends are outside.

“Are you sure?” Alexia asks still not believing what she is hearing.

“100%” and with that the doctor left you and your wife alone to proceed what he has just told you.

[roseonne]

next time

Mephistopheles attempts to ask you out on White Day.

a mephisto x mc / reader for white day ! ( ao3 link )

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚

"Alright. Class dismissed."

Finally.

Mephistopheles lets out the mental groan he's been holding onto since the beginning of class, around three eons ago. (He's exaggerating, obviously, but three hours did feel an awful lot longer today, for some reason.) Normally, being stuck to his chair with his ears almost hurting from hearing the significance of magical potions and their hazards, not only to humans but to angels and demons as well, over and over again, is a tolerable occurrence for him. So now, seeing that he's seemingly over everything that's had happened to him within the span of just one day, irritates the life out of him.

Hastily, and with a hint of recklessness, the RAD Newspaper Club (former) president wastes not a moment in gathering up his things and taking his leave.

Oh, thus he realizes, whilst on his way out.

Maybe that's what's keeping him so preoccupied? The piled-up articles he still has to proofread and publish; the photos in his camera that he's to edit first, then upload to the official RAD Website; and a terrifyingly long list of all the other deadlines he ought to catch up to, academic and personal matters combined.

A sigh of distress escapes the noble demon's lips. Without much thought, he fetches his D.D.D. out of his pocket and the screen immediately comes to life.

03/14/XXXX 4:46 P.M. Today's Daily Reminder: "Don't forget to celebrate White Day in your own, special way!" -Lord Diavolo

Well. That explains it.

Troubled, Mephistopheles runs his fingers through his hair, tousling the locks he made sure to keep as neat and tidy as possible. As much as he desires to fulfill Lord Diavolo's honorable (although sometimes questionable) requests, just how in the Devildom is he to juggle all his tasks and duties at once? He has his work cut out for him today, and for the rest of the week. Such a poor demon he's become. And to make things even more complicated on his end, apparently, he isn't getting any of his listed items done right on schedule. Unfortunately so.

For as if in response to his already-raging psychological turmoil, the universe provides him with the biggest, most troublesome distraction he's yet to learn to ignore and conquer...

Mephistopheles sees you.

"MC!" he calls out from the top of his lungs suddenly, surprising both you and himself as his voice appears to have acted against his will. And the fact that he rushes to your side upon instinct truly isn't helping him in the slightest. "Fancy bumping into you now of all times."

"Mephisto!" You greet him with a smile, and right away, he feels the warmth of you emanating from the center of his chest. "Good work today!"

"Likewise." Mephistopheles places a hand over his heart and bows at you slightly. "Are you heading home now?"

Your polite nod in confirmation to his query earns a rather sharp click of the demon's tongue. 

"Isn't it too early for that?" Mephistopheles raises an eyebrow. "Why don't I do you the honor of inviting you out with me for dinner, perhaps? Of course, on behalf of Lord Diavolo and the rest of RAD, we're grateful for your efforts in keeping the exchange program alive!"

The noble demon senses you feeling a little taken aback; and he understands. He figures you're probably aware of how busy he is, considering how tedious it is being the main individual manning the RAD Newspaper Club. Again, even he is growing more and more perplexed at how his body's acting. Doesn't he have so many things to do? How is he able to make it seem like he's got so much time to spare while keeping a straight face? Oh, Diavolo. He no longer recognizes himself at all.

"Uhm..." you find yourself stuttering, evidently unsure as to the kind of answer you'll provide your current pursuer. 

"If you're wondering how we'll meet, I'll pick you up at the House of Lamentation by seven." But Mephistopheles is more than ready to hush each and every one of your possible concerns. 

Shifting a little of your weight over to your other foot, you hum quite a playful, "Well..." 

Crossing his arms, but raising his index finger in the air, the demon proudly declares, "It'll be my treat, MC. Don't worry. I got you."

And you've made up your mind; Mephistopheles recognizes the familiar light in your eyes the moment your gazes briefly met and locked. 

"MC, there you are!"

But what perfect timing. In the midst of his persuasion, here comes the residents of Purgatory Hall. And the brothers of the House of Lamentation. And well, basically everyone else you hold very close to your heart.

Clearing his throat in a slight panic, Mephistopheles tries to regain your attention, "MC, please. If you would justー"

He's too late.

"I'm so sorry, Mephisto." It's the sincerest, most bittersweet apology he's been told so far. "Maybe next time!" you add quickly, as you at last get dragged farther and farther away from him.

Down the drain, goes his infrequent chance with you, yet again. Mephistopheles squeezes his eyes closed and chews on his lower lip; his mind all blank, save for the resentfulness looming heavily over him. Forget about his deadlines; his tasks; his duties; his role in the future of Devildom. Is it too much for him to ask a mere moment of your time? Is he never really going to learn more about you at this point?

Mephistopheles doesn't see it as a fair game anymore. He's one of the first few demons who's heard of your name the very day you arrived at the Devildom; and yet at least a minute of decent, proper conversation between the two of you, alone, still remains beyond his reach. 

Seeing you share the smile that he is able to somehow find comfort in with everyone else, except him... He admits, it causes a twinge of pain to swell across his chest.

How many next time's have you promised him by now, anyway? He bets you won't remember, either.

But since he isn't the type to just sit in a corner and cry; maybe he just has to keep trying, then? Like the lessons in class, over and over. He must push forward, until hopefully one day, you'll learn to look at him from a perspective different from the one you have of him at present.

...Great.

Looks like he's added yet another questionable thing up his list; which he normally would've called a pain in the rear, but it's you he's thinking of so... You're the exception. His exception. You always are, and always have been. 

Guess I'll have to try something harder than initiating conversations, Mephistopheles brings his eyes to the sky and promises; to you and to himself. Next time. 

And once he succeeds in this mission of forever, only then can he say...

That he's indeed made the progress he so longs for. With you. 

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

I simply must speak my truth

🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼

Thanks so much cal💕

💋

Hahahaha love it!

60 for 🪞:

---

Buck can’t stress enough the fact that Eddie helps with everything. All of it. In fact, in the lead up to Buck getting the yay or nay decision on Dove coming to live with him, Eddie is very involved. 

There’s no reason for Buck not to take it at face value. Eddie said he’d have his back and he does. The same way Buck has always done for him where Chris is concerned. At least, when he can. Buck assumes it’s just Eddie supporting him the way he said he would. 

Beyond just being someone to lean on and finding Buck the apartment, he does a ton. He helps Buck move. All the heavy lifting and annoying little repairs, right there beside Buck. He helps him shop for new, kid-friendly furnishings. Including a whole new bedroom. He gives over what things of Christopher’s he can; old kids books and toys. He gives Buck pep talks before different appointments with social services. He’s there every step of the way, and Buck never has to ask. 

Buck gets used to it, sort of. Not that he isn’t already used to Eddie being around a lot. He is. But it’s a bit of a different dynamic than it was before. Their roles are shifting slightly, and Dove isn’t even here yet. But already, Buck can feel himself relying on Eddie. Like there’s a steady thrum accompanying this pulse, saying, as long as I’ve got Eddie, I can do this. 

Then, two days after he officially moves in, he gets the call. He’s been approved. Dove will be with him within forty-eight hours. 

It’s all sort of a rush. He prepared for this, but part of him never really thought he’d be approved. No matter how encouraging his friends and family - and Deirdre and Angie - have been, he doubted it. Like it’s one thing for Connor and Kameron to ask him for sperm out of the blue, but would the actual government trust him with a full person? It sounds unlikely! And yet, here he is. Anticipating her actual arrival.

What a world.

Buck has to accelerate his preparations. He calls and takes a leave of absence from work. This qualifies him for parental leave, and with Gerrard at the helm of the 118, he won’t miss the job as much as he might have. He calls his doctor and asks what he needs to do to add her as a patient. He calls his dentist and does the same. Apparently he’s overthinking that process, because it’s not so complicated. He calls the school district to get her enrolled for fall. He stocks his fridge with any snack, cereal, or meal ingredient he ever remembers Chris or Jee liking. Probably overdoes it, honestly, but he doesn’t know what she likes. 

By the end of the day, he’s exhausted. Completely drained, but he can’t sleep. Laying in bed, brain moving a hundred miles an hour, he calls Eddie. Eddie, who also doesn’t sleep great these days. 

“I’m terrified,” he admits into the phone. 

“I’d tell you not to be, but that won’t help anything,” Eddie says.

“No. It won’t.”

“What I will say is, just because you’re scared, doesn’t mean you won’t do great.”

Buck takes a deep breath. “Thanks, Eddie.”

---

60 for 🔼:

---

The first boy Shannon ever kissed was Sterling Macleod. They dated in the ninth grade. As much as fifteen year-olds can date, over a span of three months. Her best friend at the time, Destiny, called them Stannon. She kind of hated it but didn’t say anything. 

Sterling was nice. He really liked Green Day. Like more than Shannon thought was normal. But she could overlook it because he was a good kisser, as far as she knew at the time, and invited her over to his place to play with his chocolate labs. He had a bunch of SNL episodes on his DVR and they’d watch it together while eating his mom’s homemade snacks. It was a good, easy time in her life. 

A week after Sterling broke up with her because he didn’t need the distraction from lacrosse, he almost drowned in his friend’s swimming pool. He hit his pool doing a trick off the diving board. Sank like a stone, apparently. Shannon doesn’t know. She wasn’t there. 

She just remembers feeling guilty. Deeply, strangely guilty. When she found out, she cried until she threw up. Her mother, stunned at the level of Shannon’s upset, rubbed her back and made her herbal tea.

“It’s not your fault, baby,” Janet had said. “It was an accident. You weren’t even at the pool.”

“We were supposed to go to the movies today,” she’d hiccuped. “But he broke up with me.”

“That’s not your fault, Shan. You didn’t choose it.”

“If I’d been a better girlfriend he wouldn’t have had to dump me and then we’d be at the movies and then he wouldn’t have gotten hurt!” 

The next day, Shannon’s period came, and her mother laughed off the whole thing.

“That’s why you were so hysterical, my sweet girl.”

She hadn’t meant any harm by it. And for a while, Shannon believed her. She’d just been hormonal and overreacting and that’s why she felt a sick, anxious pit in her stomach for two weeks after the pool incident, and then again for two years whenever she thought of Sterling. She was just hysterical. Dramatic. 

But then it kept happening. 

She got pregnant and ruined Eddie’s future. She couldn’t give birth properly, the one thing her body should have been able to do. Christopher got stuck and hurt because of her body. Eddie got shot out of the sky, battered with bullets, because of all of that. It didn’t matter how many times she asked him to come home. He was there because of her. And it almost killed him. 

So there was that pit in her stomach. That anxious, guilty pit. And it grew and grew and grew… 

None of this really matters right now. None of it’s really relevant. What’s relevant right now, as she leans over the rooftop of a fucking Panda Express, watching the water drag Buck’s Jeep away like it weighs nothing at all, is that she can’t see Buck. He has plummeted beneath the water and she hasn’t seen him resurface again. 

So for some reason, all Shannon can think of is Sterling Macleod. 

This is your fault, Shannon. 

“BUCK!” Christopher is shrieking. “BUCK! BUCK!”

Shannon stretches her torso a little farther over, careful not to overextend her top-heavy midriff so that she might not pull herself back again. 

“BUCK!” She calls, too. 

[threadsun]

Ooo, any chronically ill/disabled Nick headcanons you'd like to share? I always love seeing headcanons from communities I'm not a part of, it's just cool to see experiences outside of mine (Tis why I find your Jewish Joseph headcanons so fun)

Ooooh yessss I love talking about Jewseph and chronically ill Nick!!!

So it's not at all uncommon for people with chronic illnesses and disabilities to get into sex work. You tend to be your own boss, so you can take things at your own pace. And if you're on top of things enough, you can make a backlog and queue content so you can take the time to focus on yourself during a flareup

That being said, sometimes Nick has to cancel livestreams because he's feeling too rough to even get set up. Sometimes he'll do a little informal thing from bed on his phone if he's got the energy, but usually he'll just cancel it and sleep

He's got chronic pain and fatigue. The classic trifecta of pots/heds/mcas plus various other symptoms that he doesn't quite know how to fit into his diagnoses

Standing is. Not his thing. He can't do it for very long at a time without getting exhausted and being in lots of pain. He's got a wheelchair he uses whenever he anticipates having to stand/walk a lot

He uses his hypermobility for content sometimes, but he always regrets it when he accidentally fucks up a joint and everything hurts the next day. He still does it again a week later

He sleeps a solid 14 hours a day. Pretty much after every meal, plus whenever he exerts himself too much. Seriously, he's constantly low energy and half asleep if he's not actively sleeping

He's terrible at remembering to take his pills, both in general and at the right times. His pill bottles are scattered around the apartment wherever he last remembered to take them. Someone please get this man a pill organiser

The unfortunate reality of being chronically ill and disabled is that most people around you end up getting compassion fatigue. So whenever people take his health seriously and show him genuine concern and care, it blows his mind. But he's also always half waiting for them to get tired of him being sick and stop caring

Pico and Cheese are informal migraine alert dogs. Nick didn't train them, he just noticed that they tended to start licking his ankles a few minutes before he'd get migraines and he put two and two together. Now whenever they lick his ankles, he takes his migraine meds and finds a quiet, dark, cold place to lay down

He experiences wild temperature fluctuations. His body can't really regulate its own temperature so he's always swapping between being half naked and bundling up in thick sweaters, usually within the span of half an hour or so

He has an uncanny and quite frankly disturbing awareness of his own body. He can feel his blood moving in his veins, he can tell whenever his heart does a natural skipped beat, he can sense exactly where food is in his intestines. It's frustrating and makes his skin crawl, so he always tries to distract himself from it with one thing or another. If he spends too long in silence doing nothing, he starts to be able to hear his own heartbeat and blood and starts getting freaked out

[reetwritesthhoughts]

Today I watched "Lost in Translation". This was my 2nd attempt of watching the film, the first one being very short spanned (lasted for about 5 minutes) till I gave into some distraction or other.

But today, I watched it from start to finish and I enjoyed the slow pace and sombre atmosphere juxtapositioned with bright neon lights and nightlife of Tokyo. Having said that, I wasn't completely hooked either. The movie seemed like it had lot to say but didn’t actually manage to say much.

The supposedly humorous elements of Japanese culture, the oblivion of the Japanese people towards the western tourists'  lack of apprehension fell a bit flat for me personally. It all seemed very contrived, shallow and almost making fun of their culture itself rather than the funny moments coming out of the misunderstandings. The scene of the whisky advertisement director being passionate and so emotive with his directions, for it being translated to single and at times not even full-sentences did make me chuckle a little.

It had a good buildup and the characters seemed like they had a lot of depth, which ironically was all left on the surface and we never really got to explore that. Who was Charlotte? Perhaps that was the question Charlotte was asking herself too and maybe it was a deliberate choice by Sofia Coppola to not give us too much about her as she was in the process of discovering her. I would have cared more for her had I been shown what's been keeping her up at nights, 

Loneliness very well ensues a desire to connect with people you just simply connect with, especially in a setting where everything is alien to you. Both the characters wanted something meaningful and were trying to scrape their way out of small talk with strangers and acquaintances. They wanted something more than the night life, strip clubs and capitalistic luxuries and perhaps they found that in each other's company. But we never got to witness that profound connection that drew them towards each other, other than a single scene of them, lying on the bed and a mere hint of the reasons of existentialism for both of them. It all felt vapid but maybe that was the point. As life can feel vapid at times, even when we are hanging out with people we connect the most with.

Having experienced a similar sense of ennui, when I visited my brother at the start of the year, living at his place in a city that I have been before but this time for a much longer period as opposed to weekend visits once a year, while he was extremely busy with work. Having lost my job and trying to make sense of life with new found freedom and abundance of time, I honestly felt completely lost and somehow depraved of connection. Maybe I would have latched on to any seemingly familiar individual to feel something, as the characters in this film did. Rather, I chose to stay in my solitude, reflected a lot about life and indulged in some good old fashioned crying.

Familiar experience, made this movie make me feel much more than it should have and perhaps that is also why I found it lacking as I wanted some profound or a satisfying thread to hold onto, but all I got was a very unsatisfying conclusion that totally ruined everything for me by choosing to portray their connection as romantic as opposed to platonic which I was very much rooting for. I would have appreciated the exploration of the connection that they shared and how they felt so close to each other within less than a week, much more without the romantic angle.

On a side note, how gorgeous is Scarlett Johansson in this movie!

[teruel-a-witch]

tag 9 people you'd like to know better

i was tagged weeks ago by @crackers4jenn (*waves* sorry it takes me ages, i'm a scatterbrain)

last song: had to check my youtube history because i rarely listen to music and apparently it was precious by depeche mode on July 12th, lol. it's the soundtrack at the end of bones 1x10 and rewatching the episode always makes me want to listen to the song again.

currently watching: of the shows that are still on right now, only what we do in the shadows. (i think how i met your father s2 officially ended, i mean to pick nancy drew back up but i don't remember where in s3 I fell behind) but i'm in a perpetual process of rewatching/watching so many things, just since the beginning of the summer i've rewatched s3-5 of community, the entirety of black books, went back to white collar which i had abandoned after s2 and watched s3-4 in full before getting distracted, i am also in a neverending rewatch of castle and bones that's been going on since like 2016. earlier this year i was rewatching rizzoli&isles, warehouse 13, grimm, etc. did not finish them all. i jump around a lot depending on my mood. also mean to get back to my lucifer and wynonna earp rewatch at some point. i very rare finish shows and then i get back and have to start from the beginning and then i don't finish anyway, it's a vicious circle, i don't like saying goodbye. also i have no attention span. i guess technically i am also in the process of watching hawaii five-0 but i haven't watched any new (for me) episodes in a loooong time because canon is such a drag compared to the happy au land i've been living in. i do also watch some shows that are on hiatus right now but i probably wouldn't even remember them all. i only remember when they come back. suffice to say i watch a lot of tv lol.

currently reading: embarrassingly, nothing. only stuff that comes up on my tumblr dash 🤷🏻‍♀️. i haven't even read fanfic since ao3 was blocked in my country in april of this year. because of how my brain works if you add an extra step to something i am used to doing (aka i have to turn on vpn to open ao3 links) i am just that much less likely to do it. i miss losing myself in a book but my brain is too preoccupied by my blorbos to be able to invest in anything new.

current obsession: probably shocking to no one who follows me, it's mcdanno. this ship ate my brain in november of 2021 and since then its hold on me has not lessened at all, probably got worse, lmao. i found myself unable to gather any feelings about any of my old long time ships because all that space has been eaten up by steve and danny's insane chemistry and frustrating and wonderful epic love story. also within the mcdanno fandom the obsession of recent months has been building/brainstorming aus with aron @emphasisonthehomo (best rp partner one could wish for) . and i guess you can call making mcdanno screencap edits and metas an obsession of its own.

tagging (no pressure, only if you want to): @emphasisonthehomo , @stephmcx , @trickster-archangel , @pepperf , @wordybee , @alexihawleys , @aflawedfashion , @annieaceofhearts , @lukeclvez

[confines]

i am 7hrs into bg3 and do not feel strongly about it. but i do like complaining! 😄

it's weird and foreign to me in a lot of ways, firstly because i'm unfamiliar with baldur's gate and secondly because i've never really played a game that's trying so hard, graphically speaking. maybe i'm too old, maybe i'm betraying how irregular it is for me to play a $60 game, but i do NOT need that much realistic detail. it's distracting and makes it hard to orient myself and differentiate between background noise and important objects. it would be better if it wasn't desperately trying to show me every single individual hair on every head.

love the characters. obviously love the characters. even though now that my party is full, when i meet a new pc they immediately get banished to the far-off lands of the camp.

also it's insane that i'm playing 4 pcs in every combat. it would also be insane if the ai was playing my companions for me though, so i get why this is happening. it's just so exhausting to level up four characters at once. if i was unfamiliar with dnd i assume i'd be fuucked. it would be like reading a textbook. i've seen people who play dnd for money be bad at figuring out how to finesse their character class and now i'm expected to get into the groove of playing a fighter a cleric a rogue and my druid all at the same time? are you crazy? if i'd chosen to play a wizard and kept gale in my party i'd be dead. 💀

the combat isn't bad though! i'm enjoying the combat much more than i thought i would. it's pretty engaging at the moment because it's.. not difficult exactly, i've only had characters fall unconscious twice and both times they were back up within a turn. but it takes a lot of concentration to capitalise on four different character classes' most optimised styles. if it gets monotonous i'll try either increasing or decreasing the difficulty setting.

i don't think i'm really in the groove of things yet. what i've played, i've played over the course of a week, the first two hours last weekend, the next five this weekend, which doesn't seem to be how everyone else played it. i think i'm too accustomed to games like binding of isaac or hades, where technically a "full" playthrough takes an hour (then you do it again. and again. and again.) or games like fnv where i can put it down and pick it up because it's my fifth playthrough and i'm really just doing a reunion tour. my attention span is absolutely shot rn, i don't think i remember how to play a game that had some people reaching a hundred hours in its opening week.

[nightmare-dreamt]

hi! i saw your reqs are open and im wondering if matchups are included... if not, please just ignore this! (and im not used to sending matchups so, uh, sorry if i get anything wrong xd)

and i almost forgot! please: Chainsaw Man, Haikyuu, and Demon Slayer. (i saw someone req three, i hope this is okay.)

im an asian girl! and im straight.

personality: i guess i can describe myself as empathetic and thoughtful? i always try to get to the root of the problem to solve it and try to understand everyone's perspective at the same time. i try to be reasonable as i dont want to cause trouble. im pretty insecure about myself and have a hard time cheering myself up. i seem to be always worried/anxious because i overthink everything, i apologize a lot when im nervous. i dont talk a lot in public, i keep to myself most the time. im awkward and im not the best at socialising. im infp!

likes: i love spicy food! my favorite food is anything chicken or as stated earlier, spicy. i also like to read but only fictional or history books, i dont think im into anything specific i just like anything interesting but i guess im a fan of romance, psychological horror, and sci-fi. i also like movies, i noticed that i seem to like action or anything exciting and oddly enough, i like gore to a bearable level. my favorite animals are cats and sharks. i also like draw!

appearance: i think im most likely 5'2? not sure, just know that im short. i have short black hair that seems to curl at the end, i think getting my hair curled as a child stayed with me forever lol. my eyes are brown or maybe black i cant tell. my relatives tell me im pretty pale or light. and i wear eyeglasses! my style, i'd describe it as somewhat normal. i like to wear jackets and such like cardigans. i like wearing long skirts. if its presentable, comfortable, and fits my tastes, i'll wear it..

please and i thank you in advance!

Matchup for Kult-O

Chainsaw Man: Angel Devil

When he doesn't have to work and can just stay home with you beside him the two of you would either read together or watch a movie cuddle up within a blanket. At first, his wings made it difficult to do so, but the two of you found a way around it and now spend every living moment close together.

Getting a cat was a decision the two of you made together, after you begged him for weeks and months to get one. You were thrilled when the two of you left and came back with a fur baby that now got to live with the two of you. You love the sweet creature, but it is sad to say that the cat loves your boyfriend more, always running over to him when he gets home from work. When he lays down the cat is quick to lay next to him all cuddled up into his wings. You have many photos of the two together and sometimes you can't help but feel jealous over the cat for taking your boyfriend, but their cute cat eyes always change your mind.

Haikyuu: Bokuto

He's definitely a personality type of guy, but looks are also important, just not as important as the person's personality. The two of you definitely have to get along or at least have some interests or he won't know what to do and then he'll feel sad. If there aren't any interests then learn about volleyball and talk about it with him, he could go on for hours about the sport and talk about all of the games he's played since he was a kid. Be in for a long conversation that spans out over a week, maybe two.

When he found out about your insecurities, he was immediately on it, grabbing all of your favorite things and spending the whole day with you, explaining why everything about you was perfect and that you shouldn't feel ashamed about anything. If he ever sees you comparing yourself to other people, he'll try his best to distract you or explain why he choose you and not them, talking about all of his favorite things and what made him fall in love with you.

Demon Slayer: Tanjiro

It's known throughout the show that he is a smart and quick thinker so it would make sense for him to have a partner who also has the same mindset. When he found out that you were great at problem solving, he couldn't help but mile, being proud of the achievements and goals you've been able to accomplish by yourself.

On the days where you tend to overthink about things, he makes sure to clear his schedule and be there for you not wanting you to be in that mindset alone. If he's on a mission though, he'll ask someone he trusts to watch over you and tell them to reassure that whatever you're overthinking about will be alright and that there is nothing to worry about. He does the same thing when you over apologize, making sure to say that everyone makes mistakes and that there is no point in apologizing so much that he isn't mad or upset.

[danielles-tech-blog]

TikTok in the Classroom: The Good, The Bad and The In-Between

Article from TEACH Magazine by Deidre Olsen (May / June 2023)

Olsen's article discusses the pros and cos of TikTok within the classroom and how it can effectively be used as a teaching tool and to teach students digital literacy. The cons the article discusses are privacy issues (app data collection of location, browsing information and shares this information) which can cause hesitation within school districts and has led to outright bans of TikTok. TikTok can also cause wasted class time if students are too distracted and TikTok plans to add a time limit for those under 18 which diverts attention away from learning materials. There is also the risk of misinformation on TikTok which can make it difficult to use this platform as a research tool. However, the pros mentioned are that students already use TikTok and this can help meaningfully engage and connect with students. TikTok also offers a way to teach students about importance of privacy online, online safety, encourage limiting personal information shared online and digital literacy.

TikTok can be used within the classroom to introduce a concept or idea and as a hook in a lesson plan to get student's excited and capture their interest. TikTok can also be used for students to complete assignments (reflections) by making videos and using TikTok's accessible editing tools. TikTok and social media should be used within the classroom if the benefits outweigh all the concerns and is applied effectively.

My thoughts

This article caught my attention because it applied to what was discussed in my tech class this week. This week's topic was on digital citizenship and we talked about being aware of what you post on social media because of how this can follow you as a teacher. Bringing social media would not be my first choice but I think there are a lot of issues on social media. Social media, especially TikTok, is filled with misinformation and non-genuine people trying to sell uneducated children things that they do not need and contributes to this fast paces, short attention span mindset. However, I can see how this is a great way to meet students on their level and tie into a lesson on online safety and being careful with what you post online. Teachers definitely have to be aware of maintaining boundaries with students if allowing them to use a social media platform for school assignments. Bringing TikTok into the classroom, gives teachers the chance to help students to protect themselves by what they post on the internet and what they engage with.

TikTok and social media within the classroom allows teachers to integrate the content student's enjoy watching within lessons to provide a new way of interacting with class concepts.

[grammarrrrrr]

Debunking common Kaminari beliefs

I had no idea what to call the title- as it might come across as rude or offensive and that isn't my intention- but then I realized; there's not really a way to not offend someone with this.

Normally I would consider not writing this then but I'm so tired of coming across people calling Kaminari stupid or saying he has ADHD. Because I find that offensive to people who actually have ADHD. And as you might have guessed by my profile picture, Kaminari is my favorite character and I feel obligated to defend him from people.

So just a warning before I get started; I do not have ADHD, so naturally I do not know a lot about it. Therefore, if anything I say about it is false, I'm sorry. All of my research comes from Google, and while I do know people with ADHD, I'm not even friends with them.

’Kaminari is stupid’

This belief is something I've disliked ever since my start in the MHA fandom, I always felt at unease when I saw people joking about it and just generally talking about it, but I could never place it. But now I understand; it's because Kaminari is not stupid and I knew it.

While some people might defend that too, saying he just isn't academically smart, but no; he's academically smart too. He's just smart in general.

And before you say something in the comments, remember that he got into UA, which is apparently the most prestigious school in Japan, the hardest to get into as their acceptance rate is 0.2%. And they would not let someone in who passed the practical exam, but failed the written exam.

So no; Kaminari is not stupid. He is academically and street smart.

And if you think about it; he's only bad at math (of what we've seen) and you know the people who call him stupid? Bakugou- who's pretty much a fucking genius- and Jirou; who is very smart too, as she was able to teach people instruments within WEEKS (or months? I don't remember.)

He's stupid in a class full of very smart people, but smart in a class full of average people.

I don't even think Bakugou and Jirou think he's stupid themselves; Jirou was teasing him, really just joking, because they're friends. And Bakugou... I think he just thinks Kaminari needs to study, I think he sees Kaminari's potential but that he just needs to study and actually try.

And is Kaminari stupid because he doesn't study a lot? No, because do you like studying?

Kaminari doesn't really try- insert angsty reason here- but he's still smart; a headcanon I have, based on something I saw on Pinterest, is that Kaminari used to be bullied for being smart and trying in school and then therefore decided to start over himself and not try anymore.

’Kaminari has ADHD’

Now it's okay if it's a headcanon you have to perhaps relate to Kaminari, it is, but I'm here to argue why it's not canon and why you would have to change a lot if you give Kaminari ADHD in a fanfiction:

If he's unmedicated (which most make him be) then that is IMPRESSIVE considering he's actually behaving decently in a prestigious school like UA. He is not yelling, not switching seats constantly and not throwing things at all. (Which my classmates with ADHD do.) Kaminari isn't being disruptive at all.

If he was in my class, I would forget he exists. Because he's just so calm, and laid-back, and doesn't yell or disrupt class. Kaminari doesn't do that at all; he's quiet and stays in his seat. Kaminari only ever really acts like he has ADHD when something exciting is going on and let me just tell you this; everybody struggles staying still when they're excited.

I have found an article listing the symptoms of ADHD:

Inattentiveness (difficulty concentrating and focusing)

The main signs of inattentiveness are:

•having a short attention span and being easily distracted

Well, we kind of have seen it; IN ONE EPISODE, I'M PRETTY SURE? One scene that sticks out to me was when we saw them the first time in math class, and Kaminari wasn't focusing at all but there were some others who also weren't focusing! But I never see people saying they have ADHD?

Also, they're teenagers; teenagers struggle paying attention sometimes, especially in Math class.

•making careless mistakes – for example, in schoolwork

We haven't seen it.

•appearing forgetful or losing things

Once again, haven't seen it.

•being unable to stick to tasks that are tedious or time-consuming

Haven't seen it.

•appearing to be unable to listen to or carry out instructions

Haven't seen it.

•constantly changing activity or task

Haven't seen it.

•having difficulty organising tasks

And once again, we haven't seen it!

Hyperactivity and impulsiveness

The main signs of hyperactivity and impulsiveness are:

•being unable to sit still, especially in calm or quiet surroundings

I've already explained why that doesn't fit Kaminari.

Hyperactivity and impulsiveness

The main signs of hyperactivity and impulsiveness are:

•being unable to sit still, especially in calm or quiet surroundings

I've already explained why that doesn't fit Kaminari.

•constantly fidgeting

I have seen many people say Kaminari does this. But does he really? No, I'd argue. Because all we've seen him do is massage Ojiro's tail. But what if Kaminari and Ojiro are good friends? What if Ojiro likes it? WHAT IF KAMINARI IS GOOD AT MASSAGING AND OJIRO KNOWS IT? Why can't people think out multiple reasons that aren't ”IT'S FIDGETING, HE HAS ADHD”?

Also; neurotypicals fidget too, you know? So if he does fidget, it's not necessarily an ADHD thing.

•being unable to concentrate on tasks

I don't recall seeing this.

•excessive physical movement

I have kind of already covered this and NO.

•excessive talking

No. (If you deny it, have we ever seen him talk during class?)

And if he does talk a lot, according to you; what if he's just talkative?

•being unable to wait their turn

We haven't seen it.

•acting without thinking

I don't think we've seen it.

•interrupting conversations

We haven't seen it.

•little or no sense of danger

No, that's Bakugou and Deku. But we don't say they have ADHD, do we?

Conclusion

The conclusion is, if you somehow did not understand, that Kaminari is not stupid and does not canonically have ADHD.

And doesn't anybody think it's offensive to call somebody stupid and then say they have ADHD? Am I the only one that thinks that sounds bad? And wouldn't it be offensive to somebody who actually has ADHD, who then has to see people saying a character (who checks barely any of the boxes) has ADHD?

If I saw people say this one character has autism (and I'm using autism as an example because I myself have autism) and this character doesn't fit in to barely any of the symptoms, then I would be offended. Or at least frustrated, angered. I would hate it.

So yeah, Kaminari isn't stupid and neither does he have ADHD.

[equalperson]

I don't have bipolar or admittedly know all that much about it, but from My knowledge on narcissism, My own experiences with highs (a kind of hypomania), and what I do know about bipolar, here's how narcissism compares to it's DSM-5 criteria (+ a few other significant distinctions).

under a "read more" for brevity.

distractibility

not present in narcissism.

indiscretion

narcissists are sometimes impulsive, but not substantially so. it's actually the only cluster B diagnosis that doesn't involve a meaningful degree of disinhibition.

the indiscretion I have heard described in narcissists tends to be rather low-stakes, such as impulsively ignoring social norms. however, it can sometimes present as addictive behavior (E.G. drug use, gambling), thus our high rate of substance use diagnoses.

nonetheless, I've basically never heard a narcissist describe impulsivity as their most significant issue unless they have a co-occurring diagnosis (E.G. bipolar, another PD, an SUD, etc.).

grandiosity

I'll discuss some of the biggest differences between narcissistic and bipolar grandiosity later, but for now I'll say that the former is a lot more status-seeking than the latter.

in most--if not all--narcissists, grandiosity is sustained through the attention of others. it always occurs alongside the pursuit of praise, popularity, fame, and other kinds of high regard.

to My understanding, the same doesn't apply to bipolar grandiosity, which is far more self-sustaining.

flight of ideas

not present in narcissism.

goal-directed hyperactivity

narcissists are generally very ambitious people, so we do tend to be quite active in pursuing our goals. like in bipolar, this can present socially, occupationally/academically, sexually, and in a variety of other ways; it really depends on what our goals are.

most narcissists care about networking, charming others, gaining recognition for personal projects, and coming out on top in situations where we're compared to others (E.G. school grades, competitions, etc.).

however, narcissism doesn't involve physical restlessness, nor is our ambition driven by true hyperactivity. most narcissists maintain normative energy levels--neither restless nor lethargic--and are instead driven by confidence, competitiveness, envy/jealousy, perfectionism, or a need for admiration/fear of being overtaken.

sleeplessness

not present in narcissism.

talkativeness

many narcissists are extroverted and prone to bragging, but we don't experience the pressured speech present in bipolar. "talkativeness" in narcissism is comparable to that of "normal" extroverts, not what's seen in manic episodes.

delusionality

I see a lot of narcissists describe their grandiosity as "delusional," but in actuality, cluster A PDs and borderline personality are the only PDs recognized as causing delusions in and of themselves.

narcissistic grandiosity is nondelusional because it runs off of subjective qualities: there's no way to objectively prove that someone isn't intelligent, attractive, or likeable, as all of these qualities are perceived differently from person to person and culture to culture.

however, you can disprove the idea that someone has the power to cure all diseases, is the subject of a specific person's infatuation, or the relative of a celebrity.

some narcissists also report paranoia, but like our grandiosity, this remains in the nondelusional realm.

mood episodes

narcissism can cause both hypomanic and depressive episodes, as well as general mood swings. this is why most narcissists also have either a depressive or bipolar diagnosis, but these episodes can occur in the absence of them, as well.

in content, our hypomanic/depressive episodes are no different than those seen in bipolar II, major depression, or similar diagnoses. however, they often differ in length.

since they aren't necessarily indicative of true bipolar/depression, we can sometimes experience these episodes within the span of hours/days rather than the weeks/months typical of full-on bipolar episodes.

our episodes are always egocentric, as well: narcissistic hypomania--termed "narc highs" within the community--are triggered by extreme and/or prolonged success, whereas narcissistic depression--termed "narc collapses"--are triggered by extreme and/or prolonged failure.

the same also applies to our other mood swings. a narcissist without any co-occurring diagnoses will not easily be brought to a state of bliss, despair, rage, or panic over situations that don't pertain to their self-worth (E.G. witnessing another person's joy or pain, finding out a show they liked was cancelled, etc.), but will over situations that do (E.G. being praised or criticized, succeeding or failing at a goal, etc.).

chronicity

in the vast majority of cases, bipolar is episodic. although chronic mania/depression is a thing and bipolar does involve impairments outside of mood episodes, the most severe features fluctuate.

meanwhile, narcissism is always persistent. as stated, we can experience episodes within our narcissism, but even in euthymia, we still experience significant grandiosity and admiration-seeking.

Hey :} this may seem like an odd question but bare with me

So I have symptoms of both Bipolar 1, and NPD…but I have a hard time differentiating because of course disorders can overlap…so how can you tell the difference between simply feeling euphoric and narcissism? Cause I know they’re similar. I’m just asking if there’s a way to tell by the naked eye. (This isn’t me asking for a diagnosis from a total stranger..I’m just curious so I can have an idea of how to tell the difference)

hmm I'm no expert, but I can offer my personal experience with npd euphoria

when I'm just normally happy, I can still think before I act. I tend to stay in my usual persona of being nice and silly and I've got a good control on my behaviour

when I'm on a "narc high," that kinda goes out the window. I struggle to think before I say anything, just blurting out whatever I want because I'm so confident that I'm the greatest. I get loud and full of myself and my jokes get meaner, etc. basically I know npd is fucking with me because I stop being self conscious and start acting automatically like I'm the greatest person ever

and of course after the high I usually crash. like immediately once I'm no longer getting supply from being around people I crash completely and instantly become miserable and convinced nobody likes me

thats just my experience with highs from this disorder, I'm not sure if it'll be help. if anyone else would like to give input in the notes, that'd be very helpful

[ilguna]

☼ beard (Finnick Odair) ☼

summary; knowing that you've been at home sick, Finnick tries to cheer you up when he comes back.

warnings; swearing,

wc; 1.4k

–

When Finnick left, he told you not to miss him too much while he was gone, and to be careful because there wasn’t going to be anyone to help you. At the time, you thought he was trying to be cheeky, because he knows how you feel about being with him all hours of the day. If you can be, you’re attached at the hip from sun up to sun down. You like his company.

He was mocking you, and trying to be sweet after to make up for it and to distract you from thinking about it. You caught it, of course, and halfway laughed at his stupid joke to make him feel better so he wouldn’t be hung up on your silence for the entirety of his trip.

It didn’t matter, anyway, because you were confident in your ability to entertain yourself for a couple weeks while he mentored in the Capitol. He hasn’t done that without you in a few years, it was weird watching Mags get taken away by that train again. You guys really thought she was going to retire for good.

While you had to figure out a way to keep yourself busy, you had to be mindful about your healing body, which was gravely sick a few days before he said goodbye. If it was up to him, he would’ve sent one of the other guy victors to the Capitol for him so that he would’ve been able to stay with you. He knew better than to do that, though, because Coriolanus would’ve been pissed.

He was genuinely worried before he left, and you did all you could to reassure him that you’d be just fine.

That first week wasn’t so bad, you did some cleaning around the house, being careful about inhaling cleaning chemicals so that you wouldn’t pass out. You dusted, wiped down everything starting with the top and moving down to the bottom. And once the house was cleaned, you took a breather for a few days.

You read a book, a small one that you finished the same day. And then you started a thicker one, and finished it the following day. You decided after that you wanted to be more productive with your free time, because you don’t get much of it often. 

So, you went ahead and went back to cleaning. You cleared out some of the junk from the pantry and most of what was in the closets, which has given you a lot more space to work with. You know that Finnick won’t notice any of those shirts are missing, much less the pants he wears when there’s nothing else clean that he would prefer over them.

You washed all the sheets, blankets and pillow covers in the house, which does include the guest bedroom. You hated the smell, that led you to lighting several candles, hoping to make the house smell good, and you blew them all out when the flame was getting dangerously tall.

When you were done with that, you bought fresh flowers to put around the house to brighten up the space. That same night, you went to stargaze outside, which was underwhelming and incredibly boring. You did, however, enjoy laying on the front lawn and feeling the warmth of the breeze on your skin.

You did this all within the first week and a half of him being gone. They were all tasks that you’d been putting off for months because you didn’t have the energy to go and do it all. And you managed to knock it out in a week and a half because you had to find something to do.

Since, you’ve done nothing but sit around the house and cook for yourself when you’re hungry. There really is fuck all to do when Finnick’s not here. You’re so used to following him around from place to place, talking to him about whatever comes to your mind, or listening to him babble about his latest project.

You thought that you’d never say this, but you might like mentoring a lot more than you thought you did. Solely because there’s so much to do in such a short time span. You’ve had your schedule so jam-packed at times, that you don’t have time to eat, much less take bathroom breaks because you’re so behind.

It hurts to send teenagers inside of an arena, of course, but there’s nothing like pulling every string available to help the tribute inside. And when that’s exhausted, there’s plenty to do in the city itself. It doesn’t have to be with just Finnick, either. You go out with the stylists and your fellow mentors all the time when Finnick’s too busy to go, or his night is occupied by someone else.

The day’s never the same without him here, though. Today’s the day he finally comes back from the Capitol. While other mentors get sent home as soon as their tributes die, he’s forced to stay until the Games are over to make sure that all of Coriolanus’ clients are fulfilled the way he wants them to be.

He makes you sick.

“(Y/n)!” You can hear your name shouted from downstairs. 

With your eyes closed, you can picture Finnick coming in the front door, back from his trip. He has a habit of setting his bag on the couch, and he likes to wear his favorite shirt and pair of jeans that he makes sure are clean for his trip every year. Like clockwork.

“I’m up here!” You shout back.

You don’t move from where you lay in the middle of the bed, on top of the blankets. You were about to take a nap in the patch of sunlight streaming through the window, since the warmth was enough. If he’s here though, then the extra sleep will have to wait until you’ve caught up.

You can hear his shoes hitting the hardwood flooring on the way up the stairs. You open your eyes now, rolling your head to the side so that you can see Finnick when he comes through the door. You have the door open slightly, because there’s no point in shutting it all the way anymore.

You can see him appear through the crack, standing outside of it for a second.

“Are your eyes open?” He asks.

“Yup.” You squint, trying to see him better. He’s standing in the shadow perfectly, it’s blocking out his face.

“Are you ready for this?”

“Ready for what?” You ask, face twisting, “Why are you being weird?”

He pushes the door open, it creaks the entire time. He’s still hidden behind the doorway, you can’t see him very well. You watch as he moves over, coming through so that you can see him better.

“Oh my god.” You laugh, struggling to push yourself to sit upright, “What the fuck is on your face?”

Your wonderful husband, who never breaks his habits unless he’s forced to, or it’s a dare that he can’t say no to, is showing you something that you thought that you’d never get to see in your life.

He’s grown a beard.

“Holy shit.” You laugh, sliding out of bed, “You grew this while you were gone?”

“No, I was working on it before I left, remember? I said I was going to shave later on the train?” He laughs, running his fingers through it.

You vaguely recall that conversation. You’ve seen him with stubble plenty of times, he’s lazy when it comes to shaving it, but he’s never gone this far before.

You reach to touch it, cupping his face. The hairs tickle at your palms and your wrists, curling around your fingers slightly. “You hate the feeling of having a beard.”

“I know.” He grabs your wrists, rubbing his thumbs over your arms, “I just thought that you’d like to see it.”

“It’s not going to last long so I’ve got to enjoy it while I have it.” You sputter out another laugh, “At least kiss me so I can know how it feels against my face.”

Finnick shakes his head, “You’re clearly feeling better.”

“Now that you’re here.” You kiss him.