#with whether or not theyre fuckable would go

[cybertron-smash-or-pass]

I love how we're getting some of the insanest lore a smash or pass blog can have. The Megatron roleplaying. The Scourge war (and the pornstar moustache war following). The Vehicular Orgy. Spider Fucker John Cena. The Longarm pickle plague. The vehicon fucker. The Objectum Guy. The Statistics. The Mpreg. The Thunderwave. The Artificial Insemination Optimus. The Transgender Poll. The Dreadwing Fucking. The Soundwave poll. You know what? Someone needs to make an iceberg.

In all fairness, some of this is just existing staples of the tf fandom at large. And the mpreg is just baked into the canon.

That said the idea that we've gone far enough to warrant an iceberg when this blog has only existed for like a few months makes me slightly scared of how weird we're gonna get after like. A few years. When we've finally run out of transformers characters. When every robot, organic, and fuckable object has been given a verdict. When every horny war has been waged, every plague of lust spread. The carnage. The Chaos. All documented in an encyclopedia of how fuckable each and every entity is, stored within Megatron's personal archives aboard the nemesis so he may study how odd the preferences of the flesh creatures are.

[afterthelambs]

Anon suggested I do this so here you go! (Sorry if you came to my blog for normal reasons✌️here we are cringe and free)

This isn't a design tier list (I think most of their personas have cool designs). It's purely about how fast it takes me to decide whether to smash or pass. Some of them i just dont know how it would even work. And some of them, well..... just one chance please. please.

More detailed explanations below the cut. Warning: long and sort of nsfw? You know what they say, "no sideblog, we lose followers like men"

I've talked about Akechi's personas a lot before but Im gonna do it again since theyre just so good. Loki is a definitive no.1 for me both in terms of fuckability (snatched waist, claws, hypnotizing pattern) and also design. Compared to other personas, he doesnt wear an outfit or additional accessories, it's just the braids and gold pumps and the huge sword. It's a simpler design which makes it more sleek and powerful and lethal (since the emphasis is on his sharp edges). Plus sticking to minimal colors makes him more memorable

Arsène is second place for the exact same reasons as Loki (minimal colors and accessories) plus he got the childbearing hips. Both Arsene and Loki got that freak in them but my headcanon is that Loki is openly freaky while Arsene acts like a gentleman to conceal his freakishness until the right moment. And personally I find open freakiness hotter in personas. Sidenote: Closet freak x Open freak is a peak dynamic and this is why I'm an Arsene/Loki truther

Célestine is a total baddie. Look at her... I love the huge braids that form a heart (similar to Loki, maybe I just like big-ass braids). I think her off-shoulder top and tights are so hot. She's wearing glasses and glasses are sexy. She's stepping on someone and I wish it was me.

Hereward is here for one thing: fat ass. I couldn't find a back shot of him but when you use him at the end of the game we see everything from a backwards angle and well,,., it's very thicc. And i'm an ass + thighs guy at the end of the day, so. (Also design-wise I think it does a great job combining the lethal vibes of Loki with the noble dignity of Robin Hood. It's the perfect representation of Akechi's character growth)

Satanael is huge which means he definitely has that monster dick. I like that his hands and feet look like bony claws. He's terrifying and demonic and that's what I'm here for. Robin Hood has huge boobs. I kinda wanna feel them up 🥺👉👈 if he'd let me. He's lower ranked than Akechi's other personas because ppl interpret him as the 'good/nice' one as opposed to Loki's nightmare fuel. And I just find freakish personas hotter. Thats just me tho. Raoul is at the bottom of S-tier because he's like Arsene but less childbearing hips :( They also replaced the top hat with a fedora(?) which is so funny

"Hot" tier means I think they're hot but i had to think about it first (aka not an instant smash). It's Carmen, William, and Vanadis. Carmen is still sexy but less cunty than Celestine (Carmen doesnt have the huge braids rip). William has great drip and a hot skull face but he's stick thin so i banished him to this tier. That guy has no thighs. Vanadis looks sinister, but has too many patterns going on for me. I like everything from her waist up tho

"Eye-candy" tier means I wouldn't smash but they still look hot. I put Captain Kidd, Hecate, Kamu Susano-o, Zorro, and Ella. They all have the same issue. Too many accessories or patterns/colors is apparently a turn off for me? Captain Kidd and Hecate at least look terrifying in the sexy way. Zorro is dorito-shaped which is more funny than hot. Ella just looks pleasant, which makes her pretty but not fuckable. If I wanted pleasant I'd go after a nice normal human. But these are personas, I'm here for quasi-monster fuckery. Give me terrifying and freaky

"Maybe if you paid me" tier means I'd definitely pass but I'm not that opposed to it. I put Gorokichi, Cendrillon, Seiten Taisei, Mercurius, Diego, Agnes, and Astarte. These have the same issues as the "eye candy" tier (too many accessories, patterns/colors, etc.) and also noticably diminished in their lower halves (I told u I'm an ass + thighs guy lol). I'm so sad that Seiten Taisei doesnt have a scary skull face like ryuji's other personas. Astarte is Haru's hottest persona by far and I got so upset that her third awakening brought back the big dress noooo give me back the golden bra lady.

"Pass" is self-explanatory. Every other persona is unfuckable to me. I feel like the most controversial ones in this tier might be Johanna and Anat? Sorry, I know some people are into robots but personally I'm not.

This was fun! Thanks for the suggestion anon. All my personal preferences obviously, I hope no one gets offended (?). If you've read all the way to the end for some reason then congrats, you are officially one of my strongest soldiers

[ot3]

Okay, we once again have an overwhelming victor. So lets get into it.

I expect disagreement on some of these but hear me out.

YURI ENTHUSIASTS -

Phoenix: Now this may seem strange to some people but I've always in my head viewed Phoenix as a shoujo manga enjoyer and I feel it would be very easy for him to accidentally pick up a yuri or two without realizing based on the cover and have it awaken something in him. Essentially the inverted version of a teen girl realizing she's not straight by getting into yaoi. He likes cute drawings of girls and sappy but fraught romances.

Lana: dyke

Adrian: dyke

Franziska: also a dyke but i don't think she's as in touch with it as the other two are and is coming at it more from the misandry angle. She rationalizes it that she likes yuri because she is not interested in foolish men and their petty squabbles which is true.

Susato: over identifying with the cross dressing princely female leads

Sholmes: i fully admit i have no objective grounds on which to rationalize this one it just feels right to me.

YAOI ENTHUSIASTS -

Ema: When I was talking about teen girls realizing theyre not straight by getting into yaoi that's what's going on with ema.

Maya: presented as a fujoshi in certain extracanonical materials and i support this take enthusiastically.

Mia: she's just here to objectify men. I think a lot of BL is too twinky for her though.

Kristoph: Doesn't care about women's stories.

Asougi: Also here to objectify men

Oldbag: Now you may want to peg her as terminally het, which is true, but she's one of those women who is so terminally het that the idea of the fictional men she finds fuckable having female love interests completely puts her off, since they're not her. would be going absolutely hogwild on kindle unlimited erotica if she knew how to do that

HET ENTHUSIASTS -

Gumshoe: I just think he's a man whose media interests are pretty mainstream and by default that means he is exposed almost exclusively to hetero arcs

Iris: We all know what she and phoenix were like when they were together lets be real

Pearl: Pearl is into ROMANCES romances. hallmark style. what if an unrealistically perfect and hunky dude fell for the down to earth everywoman who really loved him

Klaiver: klavier's taste in wish fulfillment romance media is exactly the same as pearl's but from the opposite point of view. a beautiful friendship could bloom here.

Justine: I just think she's into really high drama network tv, prestige tv, telenovelas and soaps, etc. Feels right

Greg: Definitely has old man media tastes and is into black and white golden age hollywood films

GEN ENTHUSIASTS -

Edgeworth: I know a lot of people see edgeworth as being into steel samurai yaoi but that's not my vision. I think edgeworth's feelings around romance and sexuality are fraught and having to think about that during the little time in his life he takes to fucking chill out for once his NOT his idea of a good time. i think the reason he likes tokusatsu in particular is because it is so free of the trappings of adult life that are so stressful to him in the real world.

Kay: She likes heist movies and action movies and ninja movies and shonen anime and sentai stuff and doesn't care whether or not anyones kissing during them.

Apollo: Just doesn't really give a shit about romance in general i think. it doesn't narratively compel him. he's more interested in cool worldbuilding and platonic character interaction

Trucy: She's fine with romance in media but it's not her main draw. shes watching magical girl anime and other various shit where tweens save the world with the power of friendship. i think overall she's mostly into adventure/fantasy stuff

Lang: also into the action and heists movies kay is into and they should really just go watch the new fast and furious together. likes procedurals too.

Iris: She's writin them mystery novels bayybeeeee!!

DOES NOT RECREATIONALLY ENJOY MEDIA -

I just think none of these guys are particularly big readers or watchers of things. like they'll do it incidentally but narrative media just isnt particularly big on their priority list

democratically selected posting was a good idea. let's do another. comment with your post ideas and i'll make a poll out of them to see what we're Posting about today