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felibrary · 2 months ago

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╭──╯ABOUT YOU

PAIRING: sae itoshi x reader

SYNOPSIS: when sae left for spain you were devastated. but suddenly, half a decade later as the sae itoshi; japan's prized possession and football prodigy, stands on your doorstep, realization hits you: you are in love with him.

wordcount: guess | content & warnings: unestablished relationship, both are bad at communicating their feelings in their teens, sae nonchalant era, fluff ; oneshot

author's note: yes i didn't watch bllk season 2 yet, so what??1?1??1 my wonderful babe still needs a fic, hard to believe i never wrote a single one for him

“i’m leaving for spain”

sae doesn't think he'll ever forget this moment; forget the expression that you made as soon as he quietly murmured those words.

how his bedsheets rustled as you immediately got up, the way your sudden movements left creases in his once neatly duvet, and how the blue artificial flavored water from the popsicle dripped down on his bed as you tightly gripped it in your hand.

from initially laying next to him on his childhood bed and watching the ceiling fan spin around in circular movements while sucking on popsicles, to you turning and staring at him in disbelief — it all happened in the span of a few minutes — too fast for either of you to comprehend.

as if the humid summer air wasn't already unbearable enough, the impact of those words had somehow made the atmosphere even more suffocating.

outside there were cicadas who were continuously humming melodies, and the sound the fan-blades created as they spun around made it all seem like another day during summer break.

for a moment everything was how it used to be a few minutes ago; how every summer passed by ever since he can think and remember.

the way you visited his house every day early in the morning — rang his doorbell twice in a row and how he groggily opened it every time you came over as he, barely awake, listened to what adventurous hangout you planned for today.

his mother ushering him to take rin with him to go along as you dragged them to the beach and stayed there for hours. playing, taunting and teasing, and laughing until the sky was enveloped in an orange-pink hue.

building sandcastles like in your kindergarten days, splashing each other full of water until the three of you went to the local convenience store with clothes drenched in saltwater to buy a pack of popsicles, and betting who'd receive one of the “winner popsicles”.

(in all honesty sae always found it a bit childish as he grew older, but seeing the triumphant grin on his little brother's face as he won and how he stuck his tongue out to you, made him crack a small smile.)

and how the days always ended the same: you and sae on his bed, sucking on popsicles as you watched the ceiling fan twirl around in repetitive circular motions. sometimes while talking about what you want to do tomorrow, future plans or sometimes even spending those times in complete and utter silence.

yeah, it's normal for the two of you to stay silent for a while. sae thinks as you don't respond and momentarily everything is just like how it's supposed to be. nothing’s wrong, it's just your normal summer day. an average, regular and peaceful afternoon during summer.

but to his dismay, that illusion of his quickly gets shattered. “when?” you whisper quietly, as if not daring to say it out loud. sae purses his lips, opening his mouth only to close it after a quick moment which surprises him.

was he scared? no that can't be. he wasn't scared when he told his parents and rin because he knew that they'd support him — they knew he was going to be just fine — he knew he was going to be just fine without them.

but you?

sae gulps down the heavy lump in his throat before coughing, preparing to say something — anything. “at the end of summer break, so in a week or so,” he states nonchalantly, as if it were as simple as that. (it wasn't)

although he should've anticipated your reaction — should've known that you weren't pleased at all about it, it still caught him off guard. “and you didn't bother to tell me until now?”

“i didn't think it was important,” he mutters.

“not important, you say? sae, we're best friends. do you mean to tell me that ‘it's not important’ to tell your best friend that you're leaving for god knows how long,” you retort with slight anger in your voice.

“no, that's not—” sae wanted to explain himself; he wanted to tell you that he didn't want to leave you behind, and the fact that he only told you now was because he didn't know how to bring it up — he didn't want to ruin your day and see your smile falter.

he sighs and settles for a curt “just forget it, i’ll be gone in a week, it's been planned for months now and nothing will change it anyway,” it's far from the thing he initially wanted to say, but does it matter now?

sae sees the way your eyebrows furrow in irritation, how you open your mouth to say something but eventually you just scoff and look away. “yeah, whatever,”

a week has passed ever since he told you that he'd leave and ever since then you didn't reach out, and neither did he.

from continuous door-ringing everyday to a silent house; it's been long since the itoshi’s family home has been this quiet. only the sound of water splashing out of the sink and onto the porcelain dishes was audible, sometimes accompanied by the sound of his mother's humming.

“sae, did something happen between you and [name]?” his mother asks offhandedly, not noticing sae who was peacefully playing with his little brother, immediately stiffening.

for a moment sae didn't know what to say, because technically nothing happened. just a small miscommunication between friends, you'd be over it soon anyway. after all you knew about his plans now, so no need to be mad, right? “no, not really. i’m just busy with packing and stuff, and they didn't really text me either, so i guess we've both been really occupied”

“is that so? today, just a bit earlier, they came over, it looked like they contemplated ringing the doorbell but then left as quickly as they came,” his mother chuckled as she turned off the sink and sat onto the sofa to watch him and rin. “you saw them too, right rin?”

sae turns to rin, eyes wide and full of anticipation. “oh, yeah. i think [name] also came over yesterday and the day before yesterday,” rin murmurs. “i asked them why they wouldn't ring and they looked shocked to see me, but then only told me not to tell you that they were here and left.” he turned to his older brother to look at him, big cerulean doe eyes searching for answers.

sae hisses, and fishes his phone out of the pockets of his sweatpants, opening your chat and messaging you.

sae: let's meet tomorrow, 5 pm at the beach

you: ?

you: mind explaining what's going on?

sae: just come there tomorrow

sae: please?

you: fine

in all honesty, you had no idea what sae had planned. his messages came out of the blue after not reaching out for an entire week.

it wasn't hard to spot sae, his red hair shone brightly in the setting evening sun. “you're early for once,” you note as you sit down beside him.

sae looks up and you'd be lying if you said that the small smile he gives you didn't make your knees wobble a bit, still you didn't come here to fawn over your best friend.

“so what’d you want to talk about?” you ask.

sae's quiet for a moment, looking confused. “i thought you wanted to talk about something. rin told me that you came over but didn't have the guts to ring, so i thought i’d do you a favor,”

was he being for real now..?

you get up, irritated. “if this was the reason you invited me i’ll just go. have fun in spain” but before you're able to fully stand up sae grabs you by your wrist. “wait,” and you look at him, questioningly.

“what, wait?”

“let's talk it out,”

the way he says it so softly and that determination that those stupid cerulean eyes of his hold, almost makes you falter completely. “if it weren't for the fact that you're my best friend, i would've left,” you mutter in (faux) annoyance.

sae doesn't respond and only smiles. “sorry, that i didn't tell you earlier about me leaving. i thought it'd ruin the mood, because you always seemed so happy about the stuff you planned.”

(and i didn't have the heart to tell you about it, out of fear that things between you and me become awkward afterwards,)

you let out a huff of relief. “that's really sweet and thoughtful of you, i did notice that there was something that you wanted to get off your chest but i didn't know how to approach it or urge you to talk about it,”

for the first time this afternoon you take a proper look at him, how his turquoise eyes are intently watching you and suddenly you feel small under sae's gaze.

“admittedly, i do think i would've been a bit sad, but still we could've just used that remaining time to make great memories,” this time you return his smile and sae exhales.

“yeah, maybe you're right,”

“sae, what are you doing here?”

in front of you stood sae itoshi. japan’s football genius; its most valuable player — your best friend.

well, former best friend.

saying his name felt weird because the last time you remember saying it aloud was when you were a teenager.

clinging onto sae, and hugging him tightly before his flight departed and bidding goodbye as he exited through the gates.

after that sae barely texted or called you — he wasn't big of a texter anyway, but the only times he's ever messaged you was on your birthday, new years and his birthday as he thanked you for your wishes and congratulations.

contact “officially” broke after a few years, the little messages and short calls turned into none at all. the only times you ever saw sae was on some interviews on tv or magazines at the grocery store.

“can i come in?” he looks at you through low lidded eyes, before looking behind you. his voice got deeper and hoarse. you think to yourself.

you don't respond — unable to come up with an answer to provide him. what does one even say when your best friend comes back after five years without any announcement beforehand? sae takes your silence as an answer — yes, and walks by you into the living room.

there are a bunch of questions running through your head. “how have you been?”, “why didn't you text me?”, “was it hard to adjust to your new surroundings?” but none of these questions leave your mouth, instead you trail after sae into the living room where you spot him sitting on your couch.

“nothing’s changed,” he notes as he looks around. you sit yourself down the sofa, although a few inches away from him. “yeah, me and my surroundings might've not changed but that doesn't apply to you,” you remark.

sae remains silent but if you were to look more closely you could see that the corners of his mouth are twitching. “tell me sae, what made you think it's okay to come here after a period of no contact? without telling me how you've been, without telling me that you'd come over,” irritation is written all over your face, but you don't care, you just need answers.

“also, wouldn't one normally visit their family first, instead of ones—” best friend lies on the tip of your tongue but is that really the relationship you have with sae? “— best friend?” said person who's been plaguing your mind for the past few minutes now, finishes your sentence.

“sorry?” you're caught off guard, because not in a hundred years would you've thought that sae itoshi would ever verbally announce you as his best friend.

“you wanted to ask me if it isn't unusual if one visits their best friend first, instead of their family right?” sae asks. “yeah pretty much,”

he exhales, “i already visited rin. i told him to get his priorities straight,” usually you'd ask what he meant by that, but you have the feeling that you maybe shouldn't this time and settle to answer him with a small hum of acknowledgement.

“also shouldn't it be clear why i'm here? i wanted to see you,” sae says it as if it's the easiest thing in the world — as if it's crystal clear, and states it like it's the obvious. “i missed you,”

if someone would've told you that sae itoshi missed you five years ago, you would've laughed and brushed it off, reasoning it that sae isn't one to say sappy things.

stupid sae and the ways he makes you sway.

but here you are, experiencing it first hand and feeling how your heart races. still there were so many unanswered questions and as much as you wanted to hug him again, feel how his body molds against yours, you know that you couldn't — at least not yet.

“miss me, my ass. at some point you just didn't bother to reach out anymore,” you scoff. “do you know how hurt i was?” you whisper through gritted teeth.

“let's talk it out, okay?” you feel a sudden wave of deja vu washing over you, as if you've already had this conversation once before.

“if you weren't my best friend, i wouldn't hear you out,” you murmur under your breath.

sae inches closer to you, taking your hand in his and pats over it. this is so ridiculous. the sae you knew would’ve never done this. this is strange and a change but..a pleasant change?

just for this once you'll let someone into your heart so easily again, this is an exception — sae's the only one who'll you allow to do some bullshit but still welcome with open arms again.

“fine,” you mutter before burying your head into his nape and your arms sneak around his torso.

a feeling so familiar, so right.

“i missed you too.”

end note: reblogs are greatly appreciated <3 + tagging @azullumi hey fartzul. there are many times when i re-read your messages to reassure myself, knowing that there's someone out there who supports me regardless of what. tbh, i think those messages really strengthened our bond and i love that. i love how we're able to communicate so well with one another <3. + i hope with the messages i send you im able to make you feel loved enough; that im able to provide you that love that some people weren't able to give you, so that you feel appreciated enough and know that the things that you do for others don't go to waste. your heart is so pure, i love you more than anything.

#blue lock #sae itoshi #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #bllk x you #blue lock x you #blue lock fluff #bllk fluff #itoshi sae x reader #sae itoshi x reader #sae itoshi fluff

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mionemymind · 9 months ago

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Blood Drive

Summary: While donating at a local blood drive, Y/n stumbles up the best nurse in town, Wanda Maximoff. Unable to get Wanda out of her mind, Y/n goes through a lengthy process just to ask her out.

Warnings: Fluff, Blood Donations, Passing Out, Needles, Happy Ending

A/n: Not gonna lie, I think it's somewhat getting easier to write kissing scenes but I still have to look at a tumblr post just to figure out the wording for it. Let me know what you think :)

Word Count: 4.0k

Masterlist

In an era of new politics, the Mayor of New York City declared that registered heroes of the city had to do mandated community service. This was a new mission to help build relationships between the regular folk of New York City and the heroes that harbor it. Because let’s be honest, having Hulk throw your new car at the enemy was not the best introduction for regular people.

Those who harbored powers relaying force or strength helped out in the trade industry. You’d often see super soldiers helping out in the demolition zone by crushing what was needed. Those with magic tried their best to help heal the homeless or aided at soup kitchens. Anywhere you can unconventionally help, the heroes did.

For Y/n, it was a lot of physically demanding tasks. Such as helping families move from apartment to apartment. Or helping police officers move accidents out of the way. Sometimes, she would even demonstrate how to safely carry a person through a burning building for the local firefighters.

Today, however, Y/n decided to do something different. Rather than focusing on the same physical tasks, she chose a simpler mundane task. “Hi there, are you here for the blood drive?” Y/n nodded in agreement to the receptionist upfront. “Just sign in for me right here. Have you filled out the online rapid pass?”

“Yes, I have the QR code screenshotted.” The receptionist smiled warmly. “Perfect. Someone will be with you soon. Please have a seat in our waiting area.”

Y/n walked towards the waiting room area. This was the fourth thing on her list of community service opportunities to try. She wasn’t quite sure if her blood was even allowed to be donated, having the super soldier serum in her surely could cause a reaction to a regular human.

After some tests back at the compound, the staff found everything to be okay. That’s how Y/n ended up in a place like this.

“Y/n Y/l/n.” Getting up from her seat, Y/n followed a nurse in red scrubs to a different area. “How are you today?”

“I’m good. I'm a little nervous. I’ve never done this before.” The nurse led them to a private part of a huge common room. Multiple stations were built throughout with various people donating blood. “It’s okay to be nervous, but the worst feeling you’ll get today is just a small prick.”

Y/n breathed out slightly in relief. “Let me first get your basic information.” The nurse had gone over Y/n’s personal information but was immediately flagged by the date of birth. “It says you were born on April 2, 1917. It must’ve been a typo.”

The nurse almost changed it to 1971. “Actually ma’am, that is the correct birth date.”

“So you mean to tell me you were born during World War I?” The nurse was unwilling to believe the joke that was being played. Y/n could immediately tell from the look she gave. “It was the Great War at the time, but yes ma’am I was born in 1917. I’m actually a super soldier.”

The nurse went back to her computer and typed in more information to store on Y/n’s file. “Ah - I see. I’m sorry about that. There’s already a note on your file. It looks like your director has already approved your donation today.”

Y/n sighed in relief, while she didn’t mind explaining to people her situation of being frozen for so long, it was strenuous trying to get them to understand it all. The rest of the consultation went along smoothly as she gathered the remaining information such as Y/n’s hemoglobin and her rapid pass.

“Alright dear, let’s get you to a bed.” The nurse led them back to the common area where all the beds were laid out. “Just sit right here for me, right now we currently have a special volunteer today that’s helping out with the drive. She’ll come over in a couple of seconds to help you out. But if you have any questions, please feel free to let us know.”

Y/n sat up on the reclined bed and looked at her phone. She scrolled through her messages to make sure nothing important was happening. The sound of someone clearing their throat gained her attention. “Y/n?” As Y/n looked up, she could physically feel the moment that time stopped again. Was it possible that she fell back into the ice again? Surely she would feel the same numbness as before. But it was all different. Because from just one look from this girl would be enough to melt all the ice away.

Y/n’s breath hitched as she locked eyes with her. “I- yes, that’s me.” Y/n cleared her throat, embarrassed at the lack of composure she had.

“Nice to meet you today. My name is Wanda Maximoff and I’ll be helping you with your blood donation today.” All Y/n could do was nod as she further realized that the woman in front of her was the Scarlet Witch.

Wanda looked through her notes on the clipboard. “It looks like it’s your first time donating, is that true?” Y/n’s eyes remained locked on Wanda. It was embarrassing how much she couldn’t look away. “Uh yes. It is.”

“Do you have a preference on which arm you would like to use today?” Y/n shook her head in disagreement. “No preference at all.”

Wanda wrote down more information when a note caught her eye. “S.H.I.E.L.D. approval - are you a member?” Wanda looked over at the young girl in front of her trying to see if she could remember the pretty face.

“I’m one of their new recruits. Only been active for three months.” And suddenly, Y/n seemed to never mind all the questions that Wanda could possibly ask. If it meant talking to her, Y/n would oblige.

“That’s great to hear. If you don’t mind me asking, do you have any powers that we should be aware of?”

“Well, I think you’re aware of my counterpart, Bucky Barnes. We both have a super soldier serum.” Wanda smiled at the mention of her old teammate/acquaintance.

“Interesting. How come I haven’t heard about you before?” Wanda couldn’t shake the feeling that somehow she had managed to miss this girl for three months.

Y/n scratched the back of her neck sheepishly. “You know how Steve was found in ice right?” Wanda nodded. “That’s basically the same situation I was in but rather than crashing into the arctic, I was in a freezer chamber. I’ve been awake for only ten months.” The shock on Wanda’s face was apparent.

“Sorry to keep asking,” Y/n never minded, “how has it been like adjusting back to the new life?” Y/n shrugged indifferently.

“A little rough. I do miss my friends back from my time, but Bucky has been trying his best to help me. However, he has been focused on helping the new Captain America, Sam?”

Wanda nodded, confirming that Y/n’s information was correct. “I do enjoy the fact that I’m no longer Hydra’s soldier though. More than anything, I’m just glad to have a second chance in life. Not a lot of people get that so I’m pretty thankful.”

Wanda digested Y/n’s words and was pretty enlightened at Y/n’s outlook on life. “Thank you for answering all my questions.”

“It’s no problem.”

“Now, let's get you set up to donate.” Wanda proceeded to bring out a couple of items from the nearby stand. On the table beside Y/n, Wanda placed various tubes and empty bags. Although it was nothing, the sight made Y/n feel slightly uncomfortable. It reminded her too much of Hydra’s labs but minus the dark atmosphere and torture that came with it.

As if sensing her discomfort, Wanda grabbed a disinfectant and started to disinfect Y/n’s left arm around the area inside her elbow. “Ya know, for being so nice and cooperative. How about you ask me a couple of questions? It makes the day go by faster.”

Bringing herself out of her internal thoughts, Y/n asked the first thing that came to mind. “You’re the Scarlet Witch, right?”

It was Wanda’s turn to blush. She hadn’t expected Y/n to recognize her so quickly, especially since she just got back to the real world. “I am.”

“I wasn’t aware that you could help with the American Red Cross as part of your community service.” Wanda grabbed a marker and a squeezable toy. She placed the toy in Y/n’s left hand stating, “Give me three big squeezes and hold on the last squeeze.”

While pressing around Y/n’s elbow, she continued with, “I had to do some training to get qualified. A lot of the people who use magic generally help in other areas.” Wanda marked a dot followed by a line. “You can stop squeezing now.”

“I’m gonna disinfect one more time and then I’ll have to poke you. Are you scared of needles?” Feeling more embarrassed, Y/n looked away as she said, “Yes.”

“All good. Just means I’ll have to give you a small distraction.” Wanting to distract herself even more, Y/n asked, “Why did you decide to do this rather than something in your wheelhouse?”

Wanda thought about it before replying with, “I like the normalcy of it. On the plus side, it feels more rewarding. Like I’m actually earning my community time rather than going the easy way of using my powers.” As Wanda finished disinfecting, she blew on Y/n’s elbow hoping it would dry fast.

“When I give you the go-ahead, I’ll have to ask you to give me three more squeezes and hold on to the last one, okay?” Y/n nodded and waited for the signal.

“And - go.” Y/n did as told, but as she did her last squeeze and held, red wispy magic flowed in front of her morphing into swirls in the air. “Woah.” She followed the magic with her eyes, not even noticing that Wanda had already poked her and started the transfusion.

“Should be about 10 minutes. Every couple of seconds give the toy a small squeeze to keep it going.” Y/n glanced away from the magic amazed with Wanda. “That didn’t even hurt.” For the first time in Y/n’s life, she didn’t scream when the needles came.

Wanda couldn’t help but keep the magic up for a little longer. The dopey look on Y/n’s face was something she didn’t want to go away.

“I told you I would distract you.” Y/n was at a loss of words. Her brain jumbled for anything but all she could focus on was that Wanda Maximoff successfully distracted her. She had a natural caring heart, something the media failed to show.

“Your magic is beautiful by the way.” Y/n savored the last few seconds of it before it completely disappeared.

Wanda’s magic has been called many things in life, powerful, destructive, and manipulative but none have ever said beautiful…till now. “Thank you Y/n.”

There was a small silence as Wanda stayed to make sure Y/n was okay. “I’ll be assisting other volunteers, but if you start to feel like you're fainting, just call me over, okay?”

“I will.” Would it have been wrong to immediately fake an injury just to get Wanda back? Possibly but Y/n weighed the consequences and none could compare to her. So as Wanda left, Y/n used her free hand to call Bucky. After a couple of rings, he picked up the phone. “Hey, Y/n.”

Getting straight to the point, “Is Wanda Maximoff single?”

“Uhh - I think so. She and this synthezoid, Vision, used to date but I believe they broke up a year ago. Why do you ask?” Y/n looked at Wanda who was across the room. Her radiant smile could be spotted from miles away. “Just wanting to gather intel. Thanks Bucky.”

Y/n hung up the phone, not caring about what Bucky had to say back. Her eyes lingered back to Wanda. No matter how much she distracted herself with her phone, her eyes always glanced back on Wanda Maximoff. Her hair was tied up in a high ponytail and all she wore was matching red scrubs. But everything about her looked and felt beautiful.

Little did Y/n know, Wanda was admiring her too.

The blood donation was soon over, quicker than Y/n anticipated. Wanda had already come over, stopped the machine, and disconnected the line from Y/n’s arm. She taped a cotton ball on top of the area she poked and proceeded to wrap a red bandage around Y/n’s elbow. “You keep this red bandage on for two hours and the cotton ball for four hours.”

Wanda grabbed a pamphlet that had Y/n’s personal information and gave it to her. “Don’t miss a single meal for the next eight weeks. Make sure to drink plenty of water as well. If you feel dizzy in the next couple of hours, be sure to call this number, okay?”

Y/n nodded. Her mind was elsewhere at the moment, trying to find ways to ask Wanda Maximoff out. “Do you have any questions for me though?”

Y/n opened her mouth, wanting to ask her, “Are you busy after this?” But nothing came out. And the more she tried to say words, the more silence that remained.

“Wanda!” The pair turned to the employee that shouted her name. “I have someone that needs your help after you're done with your current volunteer.”

“Understood.” Wanda looked back at Y/n. “We have snacks and shirts over there but I think you should be good now. Thank you for donating today.”

As Wanda walked off, Y/n couldn’t help but beat herself up for not asking. She took a couple snacks and juice boxes before walking out of the donation center.

Was Y/n in love? Not quite yet. Infatuated? Probably. It was the best explanation as to why she was back at the blood drive the very next day. The brown eyed girl paced around all night trying to think of ways to see Wanda again. And the very first realistic idea she thought of was to donate blood again.

The super soldier practically begged the compound to give her another approval to donate blood stating that her super serum allowed for faster recovery. When no one could argue with her logic, they allowed a special approval to donate so soon.

So when Y/n followed all the same directions, all the same questions, she was met with disappointment when she didn’t see the redhead that captured her mind. “Hi, my name is Lucy and I’ll be helping you today.”

As Lucy proceeded to set up, Y/n couldn’t help but ask, “Is Wanda Maximoff here today?”

The blonde shook her head with a small smile. “I’m sorry dear. She’s not going to be here today.” Y/n couldn’t hold back the frown that escaped. It was stupid to think that Wanda would come back the very next day, but she had hope.

And as much as Y/n wanted to ask when she’ll be back, she knew the blood center wouldn’t give out information like that. Regardless, Y/n was determined. She was going to see Wanda again.

It was a new month and a new day. Although Y/n was glad to help a good cause, her hope waned as each day passed with no Wanda. By now, everyone in the blood center knew Y/n by name. On the bright side, the other volunteers were not bad to talk to but none compared to her.

So as Y/n sat down once again, she scrolled on her phone, expecting much disappointment. Until the voice that captured her heart called her name. “Y/n?”

She looked up from her phone and saw that familiar smile that was ingrained in her head. “Wanda.” Y/n couldn’t hold her smile back as she finally saw the girl that she’s been begging to see.

“Looks like you’re here for you…18th donation? Look at you being a star citizen.” Y/n blushed knowing that those donations were mainly for something else. “I think by now you should know the drill. Are there any concerns you may have?”

Wanda looked back at Y/n, ready to disinfect her arm. “I-” Y/n’s brain short circuited at the feeling of Wanda’s hands on her arm. It was like everything that she wanted to say suddenly left her brain. But the feeling was just on the tip of her tongue.

“You know, they should give you a badge or something for donating so much. I didn’t even know that was possible. Didn’t you start donating like last month?” Again, not a single thought formulated in Y/n’s head when all she could focus on was how soft Wanda’s hands were. Because if Y/n was able to focus, she would be able to say that her donation was 17 days, 13 hours, and 5 minutes ago. But who was counting?

Wanda looked back at Y/n’s chart to confirm her suspicions. “Are you still scared of needles though?” And that’s when Y/n finally got back into the real world. For all the times she’s been back, she’s had to look away from the needle while using a nearby pillow to control her nerves.

“I think I might need your magic again.” Y/n blushed at the request but felt proud at the smug look that came from Wanda. “I might have to start charging you for the show.”

With sudden blind confidence, Y/n asked, “Let me take you out on a date in return.” Wanda almost missed the vein at Y/n’s sudden question. She had an inkling that the girl liked her but never expected her to actually pursue her thoughts.

“You didn’t even need it.” Y/n looked down and saw that Wanda had poked her without realizing it.

“Does that mean you won’t go?” Wanda looked at the time on the clock and smiled at Y/n.

“It actually means you have three hours till my shift is up.” Wanda patted Y/n’s arm, reminding her to squeeze the ball in her hand. “So pick me up then. How should I dress?”

“Something casual. I hadn’t really planned out what I was going to do after you said yes.” Wanda blushed at the idea of Y/n practicing this moment.

“How about this? You and I walk around New York. I don’t think the guys have given you much of a good tour. So I’ll tell you all about the new New York and you tell me about the old New York.”

“You have a deal.”

Wanda and Y/n were in the back seat of an uber. The small date was something Y/n never wanted to end but the lack of energy made it hard to keep up. So when Y/n asked if it could be an early night, she was relieved that Wanda wasn’t mad at her.

Right now, the uber was at a stoplight and the two hardly spoke as their shoulders touched.

“Can I hold your hand?” Y/n whispered as she lightly placed her hand above Wanda’s. The small smile was hard to miss on Wanda’s face. She could feel Y/n’s internal battle to ask her that. She leaned into Y/n’s ear and whispered, “You don’t even have to ask,” and pressed a small kiss on Y/n’s cheek as they interlaced hands.

A small blushed and a wide grin appeared on Y/n’s face. “I hope you had fun today.” Looking away, Y/n yawned into her hand.. “You tired dekta?”

Looking back at her, Y/n tilted her head in confusion. “Dekta? What does that mean?” Wanda blushed more. She hadn’t meant to call Y/n that, but it left her lips so easily. Like it was second nature.

“I’ll tell you later,” Wanda placed her left hand on Y/n’s bicep and gave it a small squeeze, “Aren’t you supposed to be a super soldier? It's barely past 10 pm and you’re already tired.” Y/n scratched the back of her neck, slightly embarrassed at how tired she was. But all Wanda could focus on was the feeling of Y/n’s muscles as she gave one more squeeze.

Y/n yawned again, unable to fight the sleep that took over her body. “It’s what happens when you donate blood every day to try and see a pretty girl.” They hadn’t even kissed but Wanda could’ve sworn she was in love. The dopey smile on Y/n’s face would make any girl’s heart melt. The red head mentally thanked that it was her that Y/n was looking at and nobody else.

“You did that for me?” Y/n could think of many things she would do for Wanda, rescue a billion people, punch a hole in the moon, even kidnap someone. Regardless of how unrealistic it was, Wanda Maximoff was worth changing the tides on Earth. So how could someone so wonderful could ever question that someone would do something for her attention?

“I wanted to see you again.” Y/n bit her inner cheek, trying her best to stay calm but all she could think about was how soft Wanda’s lips looked.

The red head hadn’t meant to hear that thought, but she was glad she did. She bit her lip wishing that Y/n would just kiss her already. But something about the way they stared into each other's eyes was already enough for her to feel alive. And for someone so sober, her body grew drunk at the touch of Y/n.

“So you donated blood to see me?” It was still all unbelievable to Wanda but Y/n would tell her a million times until she believed it.

Their eyes interlocked causing Wanda’s breathing to hitch. She swore she could look into those brown eyes forever. “18 pints and counting.” Y/n couldn’t hold back her grin as Wanda looked away, unable to hold back her wide smile.

Y/n gave a gentle squeeze in their interlaced hands as Wanda turned back to face Y/n. “You’re gonna get yourself sick if you keep donating.” Wanting to focus on something else, Y/n caressed Wanda’s cheek as she tucked a loose strand back.

Not wanting her touch to go away, Wanda placed her hand above Y/n’s. So many thoughts ran through both of their heads. Wanda could feel the weight inside Y/n’s mind but didn’t dare to peak.

“Tell me what you’re thinking…”

“...I think you’re really pretty,” Y/n admitted in secret.

“What else?” Y/n rubbed her thumb gently across Wanda’s cheek.

“I think I want to take you out on a second date.”

“Oh yeah?”

“And I…I think I want to kiss you.” Wanda swallowed all the nerves in her chest.

“...I’d really like that…” And as brown eyes looked at greens eyes one more time, Y/n slowly leaned in and kissed Wanda. There was no rush with each kiss, something Wanda never experienced before. All she could remember was the sloppy kisses and fast make outs. But something about kissing Y/n slowly drove heart mad because how dare she live this long without being kissed like this.

And as they kissed, their hands never broke apart, instead, they gave gentle squeezes with every kiss. And when slowly pulled apart, Wanda knew then she was love sick.

Bonus

“Let me get this straight,” Bucky rubbed his forehead, feeling the headache coming forth, “Y/n passed out from kissing you?”

“Well, the kissing didn’t help but she also donated 18 pints of blood in the last three weeks.” Wanda looked at Y/n’s sleeping figure. Her head rested comfortably on Wanda’s lap.

Bucky sighed. “Okay, I’ll meet you at her place.”

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#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff #fluff #Blood Drive #mionemymind #wanda maximoff fluff

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literaryvein-reblogs · 13 days ago

Note

Hey! I'm not sure you still do those, but I saw you giving advice to people in your inbox before and I'm kinda in the need of some. Do you have any tips on describing gesticulation/hand movement? Thank you in advance!

Writing Notes: Hand Movements

Kinesics - refers to body movements and posture

Includes the following components: gestures, head movements and posture, eye contact, and facial expressions.

Comes from the root word kinesis, which means “movement,” and refers to the study of hand, arm, body, and face movements.

Gestures - arm and hand movements; include adaptors like clicking a pen or scratching your face, emblems like a thumbs-up to say “OK,” and illustrators like bouncing your hand along with the rhythm of your speaking.

There are 3 main types of gestures: adaptors, emblems, and illustrators (Andersen, 1999).

Adaptors - touching behaviors and movements that indicate internal states typically related to arousal or anxiety. Adaptors can be targeted toward the self, objects, or others. In regular social situations, adaptors result from uneasiness, anxiety, or a general sense that we are not in control of our surroundings. Many of us subconsciously click pens, shake our legs, or engage in other adaptors during classes, meetings, or while waiting as a way to do something with our excess energy. Public speaking students who watch video recordings of their speeches notice nonverbal adaptors that they didn’t know they used. In public speaking situations, people most commonly use self- or object-focused adaptors. Common self-touching behaviors like scratching, twirling hair, or fidgeting with fingers or hands are considered self-adaptors. Some self-adaptors manifest internally, as coughs or throat-clearing sounds. My personal weakness is object adaptors. Specifically, I subconsciously gravitate toward metallic objects like paper clips or staples holding my notes together and catch myself bending them or fidgeting with them while I’m speaking. Other people play with dry-erase markers, their note cards, the change in their pockets, or the lectern while speaking. Use of object adaptors can also signal boredom as people play with the straw in their drink or peel the label off a bottle of beer. Smartphones have become common object adaptors, as people can fiddle with their phones to help ease anxiety. Finally, as noted, other adaptors are more common in social situations than in public speaking situations given the speaker’s distance from audience members. Other adaptors involve adjusting or grooming others, similar to how primates like chimpanzees pick things off each other. It would definitely be strange for a speaker to approach an audience member and pick lint off his or her sweater, fix a crooked tie, tuck a tag in, or pat down a flyaway hair in the middle of a speech.

Emblems - are gestures that have a specific agreed-on meaning. These are still different from the signs used by hearing-impaired people or others who communicate using American Sign Language (ASL). Even though they have a generally agreed-on meaning, they are not part of a formal sign system like ASL that is explicitly taught to a group of people. A hitchhiker’s raised thumb, the “OK” sign with thumb and index finger connected in a circle with the other three fingers sticking up, and the raised middle finger are all examples of emblems that have an agreed-on meaning or meanings with a culture. Emblems can be still or in motion; for example, circling the index finger around at the side of your head says “He or she is crazy,” or rolling your hands over and over in front of you says “Move on.” Just as we can trace the history of a word, or its etymology, we can also trace some nonverbal signals, especially emblems, to their origins. Holding up the index and middle fingers in a “V” shape with the palm facing in is an insult gesture in Britain that basically means “up yours.” This gesture dates back centuries to the period in which the primary weapon of war was the bow and arrow. When archers were captured, their enemies would often cut off these two fingers, which was seen as the ultimate insult and worse than being executed since the archer could no longer shoot his bow and arrow. So holding up the two fingers was a provoking gesture used by archers to show their enemies that they still had their shooting fingers (Pease & Pease, 2004).

Illustrators - are the most common type of gesture and are used to illustrate the verbal message they accompany. For example, you might use hand gestures to indicate the size or shape of an object. Unlike emblems, illustrators do not typically have meaning on their own and are used more subconsciously than emblems. These largely involuntary and seemingly natural gestures flow from us as we speak but vary in terms of intensity and frequency based on context. Although we are never explicitly taught how to use illustrative gestures, we do it automatically. Think about how you still gesture when having an animated conversation on the phone even though the other person can’t see you.

Haptics - refers to touch behaviors that convey meaning during interactions. Touch operates at many levels, including functional-professional, social-polite, friendship-warmth, and love-intimacy.

We all make spontaneous hand movements, called gestures, when we talk. There are several different types of gestures that serve different purposes:

Co-Speech Gestures - Gestures that we produce spontaneously while talking.

Iconic Gestures - Hand movements that create pictures to describe objects or actions.

Beat Gestures - Repeated hand movements that follow the rhythm of speech.

Deictic Gestures - Gestures that direct the listener’s attention, such as pointing.

Examples of Gestures around the World

Argentina: “Be careful” - If you want to tell someone to be careful or watch out for their surroundings, just put your index finger below your eye and gently pull down.

Brazil: “It’s just gossip” - If you hear someone spreading stories that aren’t true, you can tap the underside of your jaw with the back of your hand. This signifies that what they’re saying is just gossip.

China: “Thank you” - Rest the palm of one hand on the fist of your other hand and give a slight bow.

France: “It’s easy” - You’re talking to someone from France, complaining about a difficult task. If they disagree with you, they might hold up two fingers toward their nostrils, meaning “It’s as easy as this!”

Germany: “Good luck” - If you’d like to wish someone luck in Germany, don’t cross your fingers. Instead, you need to press your thumbs (enclose them in your fists).

India: “Warm regards” - In India, you might see someone pressing their palms together as they greet you. It’s a sign of acceptance, warm regards and respect.

Korea: “I love/appreciate you” - A popular hand gesture in Korea to express love or appreciation is the finger heart, made by putting your thumb and index finger together in a kind of “x” that looks like a heart.

Mexico: “A lot” - To convey that there’s a lot of something, join all five fingers together and then shake your hand. You can use one hand or both hands for this one.

Poland: “That will never happen” - If someone tells you something you don’t believe, try pointing to your palm with your index finger. This means “A cactus would sooner grow on my hand”—in other words, “That will never happen.”

Spain: “Do you get it?” - If a Spanish person wants to check that you understand something they said (a joke, for instance), they might hold out their finger and thumb, as though they’re holding a very small item, and make a gentle twisting motion.

Sources: 1 2 3 ⚜ More: Writing Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

Hope this helps with your writing! (Yup, still do these. Usually in one sitting whenever I find free time, then they all get queued.)

#hand movements #gestures #writing notes #writeblr #dark academia #writing reference #writers on tumblr #literature #spilled ink #writing prompt #creative writing #light academia #writing tips #writing advice #fiction #writing resources

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neiptune · 7 months ago

Text

the pull of you

cw: 1.7k wc, female reader, NSFW, highly suggestive, hinata is your closest friend natsu's younger brother, on a night out you end up learning he grew up to become ever the charismatic flirt who's always kinda had a thing for you :)

The first time you see Hinata Shoyo again, you’re both older but he’s much different.

It’s not that you haven’t thought about him ever after high school. His bright, juvenile presence came to mind whenever you’d text or meet up with your best friend, the memory of the afternoons spent in the room adjacent to his still so dear to your heart. Natsu, ever so proud of her little brother, never missed a chance to update you on his life either. The adventure in Rio and beach volleyball, all the efforts put in understanding an entirely new, different version of the sport he’s always loved. How he accepted a part-time job as a delivery guy, tried his best to learn a difficult foreign language, all while trying to juggle homesickness, inexperience, a distant roommate and a shift in his reality that almost made him drop everything and book a flight back to Japan.

But then Shoyo adapted, just like you and Natsu guessed he would. Because it’s what Shoyo did. And now he shines bright for Tokyo, Japan, the entire world to see.

When your best friend demanded you’d be ready as she was going to bring a surprise, you never would’ve guessed her little brother was going to be it. Last time you saw him, he was a 5’4 teenage boy jumping around with nothing but volleyball on the brain. While apparently his height hasn’t exponentially grown, everything else sure as hell did.

The rounded table is far too little for three people to be sitting around it and while this was supposed to be a regular friday night out with Natsu (drinks on her), it’s turning out to be something completely different.

Hinata is sitting close enough for his knees to be touching yours and at every subtle bump you can’t help but think of how hard and thick the legs wrapped in those dark jeans seemed right before he sat down. Everything else you don’t really have to imagine, it’s pretty much laid out for your eyes to see: his shoulders look scandalously strong in a plain t-shirt, chest oh so wide, swollen biceps and muscles all over that keep bulging and swelling at each subtle movement. And then there’s his smile, a charming grin or one barely outlined crescent, filled with beaming confidence and dangerously flirty.

Because he is flirting.

Eyes shamelessly fixed on you as the conversation between you two just flows. And Natsu doesn’t seem to be the least bit worried about her annoying little brother (who used to also kinda be your annoying little brother) being so interested in asking you questions and ignoring whatever gossip she has about her perfect boyfriend.

“I’m just sayin’” Natsu sways in her seat a little, cheeks pink and a few tangerine strands escaping her bun only to stick to her forehead “the secret to a healthy relationship is communication. And great sex”

“Natsu” you gracefully push a glass of water toward her but it gets brutally ignored as she takes another sip of her drink “may I remind you that your little brother is literally sitting here? He can hear you”

“We talk about everything” he shrugs “I always know every disgusting detail in sickening accuracy”

Your friend giggles. “True. And I do too. You see” she winks at you “he’s not so little anymore, is he? How’s your girlfriend, Sho? The one we could hear”

“Jesus, I’m not drunk enough for this conversation” you bring the beer to your lips and take a generous swig, condensation cool against the pads of your fingers.

“We broke up” for some reason, he’s looking at you as he replies and relaxes back into his chair.

“Aw, what a shame” Natsu’s cheerful tone doesn’t quite match her pout “that makes two of you”

“Thanks a lot” you grimace. So much for the confidentiality of the secret shared a few days back, one not even your own mother is yet aware of. It's your fault for letting her drink, really: the years spent with her in college clearly haven’t been a fruitful lesson.

“Nothing to be ashamed of” she clicks her tongue in disapproval “he was an idiot. Who the fuck refuses to…”

“Don’t”

“… pleasure their girlfriend?”

“Oof” Hinata tries to drown the chuckle into his own bottle “that’s why you broke up with him? Fair game”

“Since apparently we’re sharing everything” you sigh, exasperated “he broke up with me”

“Asshole” Natsu shakes her head in disbelief “you were together for so long, too. High school sweethearts. Remember him, Sho?”

“Ah, yeah” he cocks his head a little “Sasaki, was it? Wouldn’t have guessed it went on, that guy never seemed to be a great match for you”

“Man, you used to hate him” Natsu mischievously hides her chuckle behind her hand when she turns to look at you to whisper “Shoyo had such a devastating crush on you!”

“Natsu!” he groans and this time you’re not the only flustered one at the table, as crimson blossoms on his cheeks you finally get a glimpse of the Hinata you remembered. You offer a lenient smile.

“I knew”

His eyes are on you in a second, lips parted and brows knit in surprise “what? Really?”

“Yes, Shoyo” it feels good to utter his name somehow, it weighs comforting and familiar on your tongue “you weren’t exactly great at hiding whatever was on your mind back then”

“Still bad at that” there’s something in the way he says it, in the way he holds you level in his serious stare that makes you all too aware of his knees still warmly pressing to yours. God, he’s attractive. And the worst part is that he clearly knows.

“I need to go to the bathroom” Natsu interrupts the brief staring contest between you two “please keep an eye on my drink” she rises from her seat, a little unstable. You reach out to support her by the elbow.

“Let’s go together, I can-”

“I need you to keep that safe” she indicates her half empty glass “he’s already thinking of stealing my drink, I can feel it” Natsu narrows her eyes at her brother and he raises his hands in defense, amused. You sigh as you watch her stumble toward the back of the pub, where the bathroom is.

“I never understand if I need more alcohol or less, whenever I go out with her” Hinata’s good natured comment makes you chuckle.

“You could’ve spared yourself the agony, tonight. I’m used to it by now” you absentmindedly drum your fingers on the side of the empty bottle you’re still holding.

“I’m glad I came” he takes a sip from his own beer “I haven’t seen you in so long. You haven’t changed”

You scrunch your nose at that. “Really? I was a teenager the last time you saw me”

“Yeah” Shoyo agrees with a little smile as he quietly takes your features in, gaze lingering on your lips as he replies “you’re still just as beautiful. Always wasting your time on people who should be thanking their lucky star you’ve as little as glanced in their direction”

There’s no reasonable way to explain the shudder that runs down your spine, the tense sensation tugging at your stomach when you lean closer to him over the table.

“And you grew up to be such a charmer” the smile you toss at him is incredulous and maybe a little teasing. As if he was waiting for that, Hinata bites and leans closer in turn.

“What is it that he didn’t want to do?”

You scoff but it’s playful, evokes a smile. “C’mon, you can tell me. It’s just me”

“He never went down on me” your tone is almost challenging, as if you’re daring him to laugh or take the piss.

However, Shoyo remains serious, with only genuine surprise evident in his hazel irises.

“But” he tries to make sense of the absurdity you just shared “he’s the only boyfriend you ever had”

“Correct”

“Does that mean no one has ever…”

“It means exactly that” you shrug, attempting to play off embarrassment as indifference “he thought it was gross. I never asked again”

In the end, Shoyo does laugh but the sound is unexpected, incredulous more than it is mocking. “Natsu was right. What an absolute loser” he smiles, confident in a way that is ridiculously attractive “some would kill for that opportunity”

You snort out a laugh in an attempt to mask how fast your heart is really beating “I think that’s a little extreme, I don’t know a single man who would kill to-”

“I would” Shoyo tilts his head as he studies your flustered features, imagination already running wild as he asks himself if you’d look the same while straddling his face.

“You don’t mean that”

“Oh, I mean that. I think you know exactly how much I mean that. I’m terrible at hiding what’s on my mind, after all” he gently unclasps your hand from around the beer bottle, places it on the table and turns the palm upwards, thumb tracing lazy figures on your wrist “I’ll tell you, if you want to know”

He’s not hesitating, only granting you a way out of the conversation. But do you want a way out? No one’s ever looked at you like that, with fierce determination burning behind warm, genuine affection. You know Hinata, he’s never been a liar and you doubt he’s grown to be one.

“I want to know” you find yourself murmuring, entranced by a stare that holds you hostage in the best way. He smiles, rough thumb applying the slightest pressure to your skin as it moves in circles.

“I’d first have you on my knees and against the wall. I’d want to see you, find out what makes your legs give out the quickest. I’m afraid that’s all the patience you’d get from me” his other hand sneaks beneath the table and closes around your knee, wide and warm “I’d turn you around, eat you out from behind until you can’t stand anymore, until I’d have to carry you to my bed and have you sit on my face to take what you need from me. I could go all night, have you cream on my tongue, on my face, over and over again. I’d make up for all the years you spent with that jerk, in one single night” and then maybe you’d never want to leave, he mentally adds. “I know you’d want that too” he says instead, mischievous glint in his eyes. Your mouth feels so dry.

“What makes you think that?” surprisingly, you manage to string five words together. Hinata smiles and he looks as beautiful as ever underneath the golden, dim lights of the pub.

“I can feel how hard you’re clenching your legs right now”

#hinata x reader #hinata x you #hinata shoyo x reader #hinata shoyo x you #hq x reader #i feel very vulnerable posting this for some reason LOL

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ereawrites · 1 year ago

Note

Hey gurl✨ I’m in my wife era rn so maybe some Shisui and/or Tobirama husband/jealous husband hcs?🫣 I loooovee your writing and tbh your thoughts are my thoughts so no pressure😩 If you not feeling it feel free to ignore me babe🧚🏻‍♀️

YOU HAVE FED ME SO GOOD MISS GIRL! under the cut for length

shisui

this isn't too relevant but I have to include it. it's too cute. I definitely see shisui getting married pretty young, like early 20s. if he finds his person he's going for it. probably gets a lot of shit for it from his family, but he doesn't care

loooong honeymoon period. in part because they're still a young couple but also... shisui is just a really devoted husband. he loves the married life. insists on kissing her goodbye every morning, eating together every night, stuff like that

LOVES DECORATING THEIR HOUSE are u kidding me. let's say they get a kinda shitty place right after they get married, and put a tonne of work into doing it up. he gets so into painting, building the furniture, even starts up a little herb garden in their kitchen

finds so many ways to drop his wife into conversation lol. he's down bad even after the honeymoon period ends, so he wants to show her off. his FAV is when she swings by his workplace to bring him his 'forgotten' lunch. he turns around to the rest of the guys like. yeah. that's my WIFE. isn't she hot.

very much a believer in keeping the romance alive. he wants to keep making the effort with her until the day he dies. veryyyy good at remembering anniversaries, scheduling regular date nights, etc. always makes sure she has fresh flowers in the house

obviously it isn't all perfect though. especially while they're young (and presumably both still active, high-ranking shinobi) their schedules keep them apart a lot. and this hits shisui really hard tbh. he hates coming back to an empty home after a long mission, knowing he might not even see his wife before he has to leave again

work is probably where most of their arguments stem from, actually. I don't see it being a regular thing, but it's easy for resentment to build in those kinds of situations. shisui is very torn between his love for his village, and his love for his wife, and the fact he can't prioritise both. thankfully shisui is a good communicator so they make things work.

in terms of jealousy... I don't see it being a common thing. maybe before they get married he tends towards it a bit more, but once she's his wife, why would he worry? she's his entire world and he knows she loves him just as much

the only way I rly see him getting jealous at all is if they're going through a bit of a rough patch for the reasons mentioned above. maybe they haven't seen each other in weeks, and they both get back from a mission on the same day. and there's some kind of event/function that evening that they have to attend

so they barely have a chance to acknowledge each other, before they're pulled apart again by the crowd. so if shisui sees some random guy getting a little too close and flirty with her, he gets more annoyed than he'd like to admit

even then though.. he's not necessarily jealous as much as he is upset. like goddamn just let this poor man have his beloved wife to himself for a night. in this situation he's more likely to behave more rashly than usual, and he might just make some excuses and take her home lol. he gets a little bit pouty until she gives him some attention

overall, though, he's very chill. he trusts her implicitly, and expects the same from her. they need to have a very honest, respectful relationship if he's going to wife her up

god okay and in old age they're so cute together. I bet they have a bunch of kids (probably accidentally tbh lol) so then they end up with a whole squadron of grandchildren. he's that fun grandpa who sneaks them sweets when the parents aren't looking. all the grandbabies want to sleep over at their house. and they LOVE it.

to sum up: very good husband. very relaxed, communicates well, makes her feel loved every day. why did he have to die I want to throw myself off a bridge.

tobirama

first of all. good job to this woman. wrangling tobirama into marriage is not an easy job. he's so fucking ANNOYING. it probably takes him years to confess he even has feelings for her, let alone ask for her hand in marriage

but once he gets there. it's pretty cute. he doesn't really act very differently for the most part - he'd already decided his heart belonged to her well before they married, and wholly committed. so his behaviour doesn't change much, and there isn't much of a honeymoon period. sorry. he's like marriage is just a contractual agreement why would it change anything between us

he does make a few little indulgences though. he gets this smug little look every time he introduces her as his wife. he's actually just a lot more prone to 'showing her off' in general, and more likely to show some physical affection in public. for tobirama that's maybe a peck on the cheek lol. but it's progress

he's definitely a lot.... gentler?idk. with her once they're married as well. he makes an effort to be more patient and less snippy, and shows his appreciation for her in a lot of quiet little ways. for example, he'll be sure to leave work on time no matter how busy it is if he knows she's putting a lot of effort into dinner that night. or if she spends a second too long looking at a new dress in the store, he's buying it for her

on that note. tobirama is such a provider once they're married. he does have that traditional idea of providing for his wife. he'll probably ask her if she wants to become a stay at home wife tbh. if she says yes, he still expects her to get out in the community of course. he'd love if she did volunteering work, maybe at the hospital or with kids or something. but he's also equally happy for her to keep working. power couple vibes very strong

they have a nice, quiet little house away from the village where no one bothers then and they loooove it. especially tobirama, his wife and their home are his sanctuary. everyone else gtfo

other than that, not much is really different from before their marriage. they probably actually lead quite independent lives, to the point where people don't even know they're married until tobirama drops it into conversation a few months later. they're very private and lowkey.

unfortunately for her, tobirama's paranoia also persists. he's a bit delulu sometimes lol and she knows this going in. but it does inevitably cause some issues, especially if she's headstrong (which is definitely the type of woman he ends up with)

he trusts his wife more than anything. he would never doubt her for a second. but other men? the enemy. not to be trusted. they're all dogs. it drives him absolutely batshit crazy to watch them ogling her, or god forbid trying to flirt with her. which is actually kinda common bc they're such a lowkey couple, so people assume she's single

tobirama isn't one to make a scene per se, but this definitely leads to a few awkward situations in public, and she probably ends up embarrassed a few times. and there's 10000% arguments behind closed doors. I don't see either of them being good with this lol. he acts like she's his political enemy he's ridiculous

but because he loves her so much, and he actually really wants to put work into the longevity of their marriage, he'll come around. he's a lot softer and more willing to compromise when it comes to her. but she can't point that out because he's mortified

over time, he chills out a lot more. they're one of those couples that just get stronger and better with time. they grow a lot together, and although they probably continue to disagree a lot throughout their marriage, it's always in a way that leaves their relationship stronger. and he only gets softer for her. people (hashirama) even start to point out how devoted he is and he can't even deny it. cute

overall a kind of difficult husband, because he is an exceptionally difficult man, but my god he loves her so much. he would do anything to make her happy.

#this was so much fun #I HAVE TWO RING FINGERS MY BEAUTIFUL BOYS #naruto #naruto x reader #shisui #shisui uchiha #shisui x reader #shisui uchiha x reader #tobirama #tobirama senju #tobirama x reader #tobirama senju x reader

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drdemonprince · 4 months ago

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Hi Dr. Price,

I’m a huge fan of your work and I’ve found it immensely helpful in figuring out who I am.

In recent years I’ve discovered I am both AuDHD and Bi. My partner is also Bi and very supportive. However we have been together for over a decade and I’m struggling a lot lately with the fact that I’ve never actually been with anyone else. I’ve been spending a lot of time in queer spaces online and finding myself wishing I could at least experience some of what they do.

I love her more than anything and would never do anything to hurt her. She’s not interested in opening things up in any way, which I completely respect and to be fair I’m not even sure that’s truly something I would want either.

I guess I’m just asking if you have any advice on these overwhelming feelings of missing out on aspects of life I never knew I even missed? Other than using porn to get it out of my mind as I’m worried that’s affecting our relationship sexually, which is another issue. Should I find a dating sim game or something to push all of these thoughts on to? It’s kind of messed up but I feel like if I was allowed to flirt online and not actually act on it that might satisfy me? I don’t know.

If nothing else thank you so much for your work and giving me a space to get this off my chest. ❤️

Because I am of the mind that most longings for queer expression/recognition/community cannot and should not be met with media consumption, I'm not going to tell you that there is any kind of game that can simulate queer erotic contact in a way that will be remotely satisfying for you.

You and your partner's desires for your relationship and its boundaries are important and matter, but alongside that, I would also encourage you to listen to that urge that tells you that you'd love to flirt online with a sexy queer stranger as a way to let a little of the steam off.

The wants you are feeling are real, and when disregarded or left unattended they can spiral out in all kinds of unpleasant ways, from just regular garden variety frustration, to resentment, to conducting years long emotional affairs with agoraphobic instagram thot boys you met online (not that I know anything about that).

You want to be recognized by another queer person as a sexually desirable, available person, you want to feel the rush of a developing romance, you want the future to be filled with possibility and excitement, you want to know that your life is not over and that there's still more to learn about yourself and more experiences to enjoy -- these are all good things. These are important things, and I promise you that it is very unlikely that you won't get to experience more desire, attraction, sexual contact, romance, and heartbreak in the years to come.

Most relationships end. Those that last more than a couple of years undergo dramatic shifts over the course of their tenure. And so, it is very likely that you and your partner will either eventually split, or your various desires and capacities will become incompatible in certain ways, and you will contemplate some kind of change to the relationship dynamic (or someone will fail to communicate this and cheat. hopefully not that one. But if it does happen, well. It's very common and not the end of the world or even necessarily the end of the bond).

How does it feel to confront this information? That in all likelihood, this relationship will either end, open up in some way, change dramatically in its dynamic, or be marked by one or both parties stepping out in some way, however small, be it an online flirtation or a kiss at a party or a sexual affair? I think your feelings in response to that information is important too. And that regardless of what you and your partner decide for the time being, it is an important series of potentialities to reflect on and emotionally prepare oneself for. Also worth asking: are these potential futures ones that you can speak to your partner about? One of them will likely be headed for you in time, not through any fault of your own or due to lack of love, but simply because people change and relationships develop, just like a person develops. Whether or not these are subjects that can be broached is itself valuable information, too.

Now personally, I am very biased, but I think there is very little harm in having some virtual sex with a consenting stranger, roleplaying sexy interactions online, even getting on a dating or cruising app and posting a few anonymized photos and seeing what kind of attention you get and enjoying the rush. I think that kind of thing is all within the realm of the harmless and forgivable, but hey, my sister just ended an engagement over her fiance doing that kind of thing, so not everyone agrees with me clearly.

But I think it is worth at least contemplating the full, long continuum of infidelity that exists, from having a whole secret other marriage and family and keeping a partner in the dark about it on one end, say, and making bedroom eyes with a cute person at the bar and fantasizing about what if what if what if, on the other. If your partner did anything along that whole continuum, you might be hurt, and likewise they might be if you do.

You say you love your partner more than anything and would never do anything to hurt her. But you can't really promise yourself that. Every partner hurts one another in some way or another, sometimes even intentionally, over the course of a long relationship. But hurting one another in a relationship is, also, not the end of the world. We all make mistakes, say things we regret, lose control of our faculties at times, or are simply forced to reconcile that what we need conflicts with what another person does. And sometimes we put our needs first, even though it's uncomfortable.

I don't regret the times I cheated. I regret the lack of communication and cowardice that brought me to that half-formed, unarticulated decision. But I don't regret ever having chosen to listen to needs that had been powerfully screaming inside of me, typically for years before I attended to them.

I think you and your partner should continue having very frank conversations about these topics, and do your best to regulate your own anxieties and feelings of relationship threat when the other party brings up an activity or an idea that makes the other feel scared. The choice isn't to remain monogamous or to become fully polyamorous with no hierarchy. There are a lot of activities you can both decide are either okay or not okay, and conditions under which you will engage in them.

Even what counts as "monogamy" is subject to fierce debate, that's part of why so many jealous straight people destroy one another so easily. Is texting someone you think is cute in a flirtatious but ultimately just friendly way cheating? Is dancing with someone else cheating? What kind of dancing is okay and is not? Is cuddling on the couch? Working on erotica together? Kissing? Is watching porn with someone else cheating? Is masturbating to a video they sent you?

You might have a very visceral response to these questions, but those are just like, your opinions. They are not set in stone and you can easily find another monogamous person who is just as adamant about completely opposing rules and definitions of what monogamy means to them. And so, it's worth talking with your partner and really being honest with yourself about what it is you want to do, what is decidedly off the table, and what the hell it even is that you two are talking about when you discuss your relationship and its limits.

If it were me, and if I could wave a wand and make you and your partner feel okay about and agree to a set of relationship limits, I think you should consider flirting with actual queer people online. But I can't control other people's behavior or emotions, as much as I have tried. But you can at least contemplate (and then discuss) alternate ways of getting the kind of attention that you desire.

There are lots of things you can do to scratch your itch that are not having sex or dating someone else: LARPing (there is larping that has a sexual or romantic component!). Tabletop games. Acting or improv that incorporates romantic or sexual elements. Going to a sex party and just WATCHING people do stuff. Going to a gay bar and just hanging out and socializing. Going to a cruising bar and watching people fuck. Going to a dungeon for a class or a demo. Going on gay speed dating but secretly agreeing that you're not actually going to take anybody home, you're just gonna see how it feels. Wearing a slutty outfit to pride and waving and winking at people. Exchanging heartfelt letters with a queer friend who you have chemistry with but who respects your relationship.

These are just some ideas, but the possibilities are limitless. One day, you and your partner might agree that you are open to having sex with other people, or flirting, but not to them having other lasting relationships. maybe you'll have threesomes together or one partner will watch the other fuck casual hook-ups. Or maybe you'll just break up. Who knows what the future holds! No matter what it is, you can figure it out with both love and commitment to your partner, but also the courage to name what you are feeling and to honor your desires. None of those things have to be incompatible, and monogamy doesn't have to be incompatible with getting a little thrill here and there either.

Good luck!

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bluebellhairpin · 4 months ago

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Harwin Strong X Fem!Reader

Summary: Two years have passed since you were last in King's Landing, and now you return for a wedding - one that's your own.

Warnings: Westerosi marriage. Brief mention of Reader's deceased mother. Reader's father is named + takes out today's Best Dad award. We don't like Otto Hightower.

Listening to: 'A Gift of a Thistle' from Braveheart

Series Masterlist || AO3 Link || Masterlist || Ko-Fi

(ART inspired by this chapter)

Rhaenyra was crown Princess, heir to the Iron Throne, and you hadn’t seen her in two years. You’d returned home after the festivities ended - too soon in your opinion, and while letters via raven were frequent, you still missed her dearly.

You knew you were in no position to say so, but you felt a sort of obligation to be her friend. To honor Aemma. Sure, you were closer with Aemma by circumstances, but she and Rhaenyra spent far more time together than people realized. You knew the Princess like you would a younger sister, and you were determined to not let distance change that.

In fact you’d added communications with Rhaenyra into your daily routine quite easily. Between what could be seen as regular menial tasks of a lady, and the training your father made you return to (much to your joy, even if it did leave you quite sore some days), writing letters was what you looked forward to the most.

But just like those few years ago, your life was uprooted by a summons to King’s Landing. Unlike then though, this had nothing to do with the King, rather his Hand.

“I know you agreed before we left, but if you meet this man and decide you don’t want him we don’t have to go through with it.” your father said as you rose side by side on the Kingsroad. You’d be in the city by nightfall, and he must’ve been sensing your nerves heightening as you got closer.

“Yes father.”

“Hey,” he said, and you turned your head to face him to find his eyes soft, “I mean it. If you don’t want to get married I’ll do everything in my power to make it so.”

“I know.” you replied. “If my mind is changed I’ll tell you. For now, I’m to be wed.” You knew such a day was coming - one where you could be married off to strengthen political ties. After all, what else was a lord’s daughter meant for? So when told you were to marry this stranger, it didn’t come as a surprise to you. You’d prepared for it a long time ago.

Many would lick their lips in want at the prospect of what marrying you could bring them - a closer voice to your father’s ear and his armies top of that list. Knowing now that the King’s Hand himself had written to your father to request your marriage made you worry. Who knew what kind of man your husband-to-be was - but you thought it was safe to assume it would probably be someone close to the King. In your thoughts you didn’t doubt that there could be older widowers on his small council who wanted another wife.

You only hoped at the very least that he would treat you kindly. But with how lacking in suitors you’d been, and lack of luck in general, you weren’t even crossing your fingers about that.

For a long time you imagined being paired off with the most ugly, old, cruel man in the whole seven kingdoms. When all you had to go off of was a name and reputation, you couldn’t be blamed for thinking so. What kind of husband would a man called ‘Breakbones’ turn out to be?

You hadn’t seen Otto Hightower in a long time, and frankly when you first heard of your proposal, you thought he was going to offer himself. With his attention turned on you now, greeting you as you arrived in the Keep, you were glad he hadn’t.

“We’re honoured to have you here.” he said to you with a bow of his head.

“The honor is mine, Lord Hand.” Your reply came out much more rehearsed than you’d hoped - call it nerves, call it sensing awkwardness approaching, you wanted to get out of there more than you thought you did. Your father interrupted before you could prove to be more of a fool than you already had.

“We’ve travelled a long way,” your father said, taking your hand and placing it on his arm, “We’d both love to rest. Clear our minds before dinner tonight.” You almost collapsed in relief at his words.

“Oh I’ve had Ser Harwin come down to escort your daughter to her room, if he’s decided to show up -” Otto said, turning to look around the courtyard before waving a man over, “- It will be good for the betrothed to spend some time together before they’re stuck next to each other at dinner. Don't you think Cyrus?”

You watched your fathers eyes flick toward you before he nodded, stepping away as Ser Harwin finally approached.

When you finally looked upon your betrothed, you believed your eyes to be playing a cruel trick. His dark hair curled around the edges, and his shoulders looked so broad in his gold cloak armor that you were left without a breath - best of all, he seemed to only be a few years older than you, a far cry from the old man you were expecting.

Ser Harwin Strong was, by far, the most handsome man you’d ever seen. Not that you’d seen a lot, but the handful you had (mostly from a few years ago when you’d shadow Aemma at tournaments, and banquets) paled in comparison - especially since they were never to be yours. Harwin, if agreeable, would marry you.

That thought only made your heart beat even faster when he looked at you with his strikingly blue eyes. You felt it was going so fast you would have fainted when he reached for your hand to press a kiss to your knuckles, and place it in the crook of his elbow.

“My Lady,” he said - seven heavens, his voice was deep and smoother than a marble floor - “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

The walk to your room was about to be the longest, or shortest walk of your entire life.

Much later that evening, you sat by your dresser attempting to somewhat detangle your hair and thought about what happened in the last few hours. More like you thought about how you could tell Harwin knew the effect he was having on you.

You thought you’d go into this marriage as someone would venture into a business deal. Promised yourself to remain steadfast and passive, business-like, to do your duty and marry into House Strong so that the king would have a tighter hold on armies already loyal to him. You weren’t going to get flustered.

Yet you were more of a blushing bride than you’d promised yourself to be.

Call it an instant connection, or call it Harwin having a handsome face, but you’d been reduced to the equivalent of a giggling maid in waiting waving a handkerchief at a knight in a tournament within an hour. That wasn’t something anyone could’ve said about you in years. It felt embarrassing - that your resolve had crumbled so quickly.

Dinner went by smoothly. Rhaenyra had run to greet you in the halls, lamenting over the fact she couldn’t join you on your first night back, but promised she would join you for breakfast tomorrow. Despite her not being there to gift you with a mutual icebreaker over your first meal together, yourself and your father seemed to get along fine with the Strong’s.

‘Getting along fine’ being your father and Lyonel bonding over histories of battles past - and you attempting to be more outgoing than you were comfortable with in an attempt to actually get comfortable talking with Harwin and his brother Larys. It took a while for you to warm up to them both.

Harwin proved difficult to read, but Larys was soft-spoken and seemed to know just what to ask to pull you from your shell. Because of his brother, then Harwin was able to draw you out even more. It almost made you think that he was struggling with you as you were with him - albeit with more amusement than you, and he had his brother to fall back on, you had no one.

You almost couldn’t wait to see Rhaenyra tomorrow, if only for the relief of a familiar and friendly face.

A knock had you looking up to your door. A visitor so late was unusual, and you were nowhere near prepared for it.

“Who is it?” you asked, standing and reaching for a covering as you listened for an answer.

“It’s me,” a voice said, “Suni. I came with a gift from Ser Harwin.” You opened the door, seeing your borrowed handmaid. Sumi was about your age, with hair as dark as night and a face pretty enough to be worthy of a home in Dorne. She had arrived with a piece of cloth in her upturned palms.

“What is it?” you asked, letting her step though the door.

“Why don’t you find out?” she said with a smirk and held the cloth out to you. You eyed her before carefully unfolding the fabric. There laid a necklace of gold with eight blue gems. You took it in your hands and held it up to the candlelight, watching as the sapphires shined right before your eyes.

You felt Suni come up behind you, likewise admiring the necklace.

“A wedding present,” she said, “Ser Harwin told me to say to you that it was his mother’s, and that he can already tell she’d want you to have it.”

“I’ve heard his brother is meant to be the one with a silver tongue. I’m marrying a brute, not a charmer.” You said scoffing, but you couldn’t hide the giddy smile that was making its way to your face.

“A woman’s beauty can change a man’s ways,” Suni said, taking the chain from your hands and holding it to your neck so you both could see what it might look like if you wore it, and your eyes fixed to the reflection in your mirror, “So can love at first sight.” You went silent at that, her words plunging you back into your thoughts. She placed the necklace back in your palms, and then said goodnight - deeming her errand over, and returning to her previous command from you to go to bed.

The door shut, and you looked down at the necklace as you sunk to the edge of your bed. Even for a wedding gift it was a lot. Sapphires and gold had high worth - and sentimental too, not only did Harwin have to part with it but his father did too.

The token made you smile, thinking that perhaps like Rhaenyra, Harwin was becoming a friendly face too.

You took breakfast in the gardens, and spent a lot of time memorizing how Rhaenyra’s hair looked as it swayed in the wind.

In the past your time spent in the Red Keep was in servitude. You’d watch from a distance most days, but today you were a guest - a real one. For the next week your importance was near the Princesses, all thanks to her father’s generosity. Sumi said whispers in the halls spoke of how your wedding was to be the best since Viserys married Alicent Hightower, and will remain so until Rhaneyra herself was to be wed. You felt it was an honor too good for your status, but Rhaenyra would not hear you argue, and you would not argue with her.

“I’m glad you’ll be here from now on,” Rhaenyra said. She had lounged back in her seat, nursing a cup and looking out over Blackwater Bay. “I feel a lack of friends, having you around will ease it.”

“Princess, you’re hardly lacking in company -”

“- True friends. Ones I can trust.” she said. Your eyes narrowed, taking her in, thinking. You took a moment to scour through your memories, and when you found the right one you almost kicked yourself.

“Alicent.” you said. She turned to you, face impassive but eyes hard. “You both do not speak anymore, do you?”

“How could I, she’s my step-mother now.” Her words were sour, and as she took a sip from her drink her nose scrunched.

“You ought to understand she probably had no say in the matter. Duty isn’t something a woman can say no to, you should know that by now.” Rhaenyra turned back toward the bay, taking no time at all to conjure a smart reply to your words.

“Oh and you’d know. Suffering like you are with your husband-to-be. Strongest knight in the Seven Kingdoms, and one of the handsomest too. How horrible duty is.”

“My ‘husband-to-be’ could just as easily have been Lord Lyonel, and yet I’d be still sitting here with you today.” you said. You looked away from her for the first time that morning, the both of you staring out at the blue waters as you took a deep breath. “Besides that’s not the point. You’re miserable. If I might even be so bold, you’re a fool too.”

For a moment Rhaenyra looked like she’d let it go, until you called her a fool. She frowned, but from the smile on your face she didn’t let it go to her eyes. Like she knew you were trying to offer advice rather than insult her. A needed distinction. You took her soft turn as permission to finish speaking.

“Alicent is probably as miserable as you are. She’s lost a friend too. A good friend, if my experience is anything to go by.”

On the morning of your wedding, you woke up and it was raining. A mist really, enough to send a haze over the bay around the Red Keep, but not enough to have people running for cover. The day would go on exactly as planned.

Suni arrived not long after you got out of bed, ready to help you bathe and dress, and to do your hair for the day. She was halfway through scrubbing your other arm when there was a knock at your door. You both shared a look before she left to poke her head out the door.

“Pacey.” Suni said, opening the door to let your visitor in, “What are you doing here, you should be helping the Princess.”

“Princess Rhaenyra sent me to help my sister-to-be get ready.” Pacey said, “And I wanted to get to know my brother’s bride a little more before she becomes his wife.”

Looking at her, you nodded. Both Pacey and Sumi got to work helping you. You almost didn’t know what to do with yourself - for a long time the only person to help you get ready for the day's events was yourself, and you were much more used to being the person helping rather than being helped. The two young women quietly chatted a little between themselves, but the longer you spent not talking, the more awkward you felt.

“Pacey,” you said, and she looked up at you, watching expectantly, “You’re Harwin’s sister?”

“I am.” she replied, smirking. From the look in her eyes, it was almost like she knew what you were going to say.

“You don’t look like him. Or Larys.” From what you’d learnt, and who you’d met so far, the Strong’s all boasted dark hair and - dare you say it - strong builds. Even Larys with his clubbed foot was not a small man, and the resemblance between the two was undeniable. Pacey however had hair almost like a woven burnt-gold-colored dress - definitely a difference. No less beautiful.

“We all have different mothers. My sister and I are the only two who share a mother.” Pacey said, and like a candle blowing out, it all made sense.

“Where is your mother now?” you asked softly, moving as Suni urged you to stand from your bath and dry off.

“The Stranger took her, just like he took the rest of my father’s wives.” Pacey said.

“My mother is gone too.” Was all you could say in reply. She looked across at you with a sad smile.

“We have each other now. That's what matters.”

The rain cleared by the time noon came. The haze but a thought on the horizon. You wondered why you thought of it now, as you stood outside the doors to the Iron Throne with your hand around your father’s arm.

“My daughter,” he said, voice soft as he turned your attention to him with his words. He looked at you, smiling, and adjusted the gems of the necklace Harwin gifted you. “Soon you will no longer have my name, but you’ll always have my blood. Our house never forgets blood. Remember that.”

You nodded, teary eyed as you watched him blink away the water in his own. Kissing his cheek, you told him you loved him, and then the doors opened.

As you walked down the stairs and past the crowd, you couldn’t help but think of the day your family swore to Rhaenyra. It all felt so similar. The people, the place, Viserys on the Iron Throne. It felt like a judgement call rather than a wedding ceremony.

Then you saw Harwin. Half his hair was tied back, he wore a tunic of dark blue and white covered in a cloak of the same blue, lined with white silk. He still looked handsome, but he also looked so very kind. His eyes flicked to your neck, spotting the necklace, and his smile widened.

Your father took a step back, giving your hand to Harwin, the both of them sharing a nod before taking their places so you could start. Viserys likewise stood from the throne, made an announcement to formally give his blessing (a very grandeur gesture, if anyone asked you), before descending to a spot beside Alicent to watch. The Septon then moved into place.

This was it. Now there was no going back. You were getting married, this was really happening. Harwin squeezed your fingers, the action managing to ground you. You looked at him to find him eying you - what a shame he could already read your nerves like a book.

“You may now cloak the bride and bring her under your protection.” Said the Septon.

Harwin reached up, and took the cloak of his shoulders. You turned as he stepped forward, and felt the cloak fall upon your shoulders. It was heavier than it looked, and a little too big, but it was warm, and came with a slight smell of lavender. You were about to turn back around when you felt Harwin’s fingers brush near your neck. He was pulling your hair out from where it was caught under the cloak - the gentle, thoughtful gesture made something warm swell in your chest as you caught his eyes again.

He then took your hand, intertwining your fingers and raising them so the Septon could begin wrapping them in ribbon.

“In the sight of the Seven I hereby seal these two souls, binding them as one for eternity.” The Septon was old, kindly, and nodded in encouragement. “Look upon each other and say the words.”

You turned to find Harwin already looking at you, and you were close enough that if you swayed just a little too far your noses might touch. Together your voices rang out through the hall. “Father. Smith. Warrior. Mother. Maiden. Crone. Stranger.”

“I am his, and he is mine, from this day, till the end of my days.” you said.

“I am hers, and she is mine, from this day, till the end of my days.” he said.

Once he was done, he let out a shaky breath - the first sign since you first met him that he was nervous at all. That he was doing this because he had the same sense of duty as you. You’d always thought it was easier for a man to agree to marriage. It was never as hard for them. In a way you were right - but Harwin still was marrying a stranger, just like you were.

“Let it be known that this daughter of House Lonn, and this son of House Strong, are now one heart, one flesh, and one soul. Cursed be he who seeks to tear them apart.”

You’d begun to turn to the crowd by the time the Septon spoke again, smiling at the guests and your family - blood, and now by law. After he finished speaking you felt a hand caress your cheek. You looked at Harwin, and his hand moved to cradle the back of your neck in his palm.

“With this kiss I pledge my love.” he said, voice so soft that only you could hear it, and then he kissed you. Soft, slow, and all too short. It made a flash of hot run right through you, and before you knew it you were parting ways to the sound of applause.

#harwin strong x fem reader #harwin strong x reader #harwin x reader #ser harwin x reader #hotd x reader

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khalixvitae · 3 months ago

Text

I never post here anymore due to personal stuff, but I want to reach out on all my socials about this because people need to see it. Can I just say that I am so incredibly disheartened by some people’s responses to what is happening in the South Eastern US/Appalachia? I really can’t explain the level of devastation that is unfolding here under Hurricane Helene. There are people trapped in my childhood neighborhood without power or water because of downed trees and power lines and flooding. I couldn’t get ahold of my family for more than a day because there was a massive cell service outage in my state. Parts of where I grew up will not have electricity for three weeks. My family could be without electricity for three weeks. I didn’t know if my best friend was okay for 12 hours because there was no way to communicate and we live two hours away from one another. I’m entering day 3 of not having electricity.

And frankly, we’re on the luckier side. A town my family has visited every year for the last 20 years is fucking gone- leveled by flooding from a failed dam. Everything including the road is completely washed out, and this is in the fucking mountains. And that’s just what we know about so far during what is still widespread cell service failure. There are entire interstates that have washed out or fallen apart during mudslides- whole towns are gone, and people cannot call for help.

And the number of people I’ve seen, people who say they’re advocating for MY rights as a trans/queer person, who have fully dismissed this in favor of taking to twitter to make comments about how it’s “Trump Country anyway” and how we “deserve it” and “should’ve voted blue to keep this from happening” is brutal. Every time something happens to us down here, out of touch middle class liberals are so quick to blame our collective region of the country for struggles we do not have the time, energy, money, or legislation to prevent. As if we’re fucking stupid and should be purged, like we somehow matter less because our politicians are a breed of fucked up that a whole lot of us disagree with. We aren’t a monolith and we are right fucking here, and mocking us on twitter in the middle of a humanitarian crisis is not going to help your case, I promise.

I cannot explain to you what it’s like to hear somebody with your mother’s accent describe that they can’t pull people out of cars quick enough because the flood water is moving too fast. Everything I’ve ever known is either blipped off the power grid or under water. I’m begging you, please see us as people who are suffering and not as a monolithic entity.

There are trans and queer people here, just like everywhere else. We are suffering at the hands of legislation we don’t believe in, legislation that thinks we should die, and now a mounting natural disaster that we still don’t know the full extent of. There are poor communities, communities that are predominantly BIPOC, disabled people, it goes on. There are a whole lot of us who don’t fit the criteria of the pro trump agenda, who don’t match the bill of what an American southerner looks like in the minds of those who have never been here, who are actively suffering. We ARE voting blue both locally and on the federal level.

But here’s the kicker: it doesn’t fucking matter that we’re here. My life doesn’t mean anything more than my neighbor who might hate who I am to their very bones. Nor am I more deserving of aid than them, even if I hate them right back. The concept of withholding aid or hesitating to help particular regions because of what their government officials believe is heinous. Hell, even if regular civilians believe it too, it’s still wrong and morally reprehensible. Similarly, providing aid with the caveat of “converting those stubborn hicks” to the cause is downright evangelical and fucking evil. This is a humanitarian crisis, and people need help. And truly if you think it would be better if the south couldn’t vote, or that we collectively deserve this on some moral or karmic basis, I really need you to think critically about those exact talking points because they should sound shockingly familiar. Governments should help their people, and that should be a bipartisan priority. I don’t give a fuck what anyone says- people who are ignoring this because of where it’s happening are vile and need to get themselves sorted out. And the people who do think this is some sort of universal comeuppance for this part of the country can- and I mean this truly deeply, from my heart of hearts- go straight to hell.

I’m going to be posting resources to help those in need in the Appalachia region, as well as Florida. I’ll include shelters, food banks, etc. I’ll have them out soon. I don’t use this blog really anymore but this is the least I can do.

#hurricane helene #appalachia #resources #Florida #north carolina #south carolina #humanitarian aid

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writingwithcolor · 1 year ago

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Representing Biracial Black South American Experiences…Through a White/Asian Mixed Race Character in Europe

@colombinna asked:

I have a YA story that's in very early development - pre-alpha, if you will. For now what I have developed is the characters: one of the MCs is a biracial asian queer girl (her dad is thai-american and japanese, her mom's white), she has a medium/dark brown skin, and lives in a very white context in a fictional European country. The contact she has with her extended family is limited to phone calls and regular visits because her dad moved from the US to said fictional European country.

I'm a biracial black queer girl myself, living in a very white community in South America, my extended black family also lives in a different place, and I'm taking a lot of my experiences of being not white and queer whilst living in white communities into her story (the feeling of not belonging, the impostor syndrome, standing out as one of the only POC kids in class, etc) and thinking back to what I've heard asian friends and classmates say about their experiences in the same school/community context as mine. But I want to know how different her experiences as a dark-skinned asian girl would differ from mine and my friends' in a similar context (white community, small number of other asian people - and POC in general - in the social circles, and limited contact to her extended family), and what experiences could make sense if the character was biracial black like myself, but won't if she's biracial asian.

Why not write a biracial Black girl if those are the experiences you want to represent?

This MC is straddling, like, 3 different cultures. Having multiple immigrant identities in not-Europe is not the same experience as being Black in South America; while both are complex minority experiences, there are too many differences in intersections and histories to compare. Not to mention, it really depends on what European culture(s) you’re basing your not-Europe on.

I think you’ll find that the written result will ring much more genuine and rich in depth if you either translate your experiences more directly or pick a more narrow focus, instead of assuming that there is a universal for racism and colorism against biracial people that is transferable across contexts. Because there isn’t. There can be overlaps, but if you’re looking to cover the entire range of What It’s Like in general, it won’t work.

This isn’t to say that people can’t use other identities to write about specific experiences of their own, but in this case you need to think about what story you want to tell and what your reasons are. Marika’s commentary will go more into when and how this can be done effectively.

Also, if the point is to make her a dark-skinned Asian, as a white/asian mix myself, I implore you: why must you make her 1/4 Japanese and 1/2 white? Even with the Thai ethnicity thrown in, Thai people very much range in skin tone and have their own domestic issues with colorism. It’s not impossible for dark-skinned examples of your MC’s ethnic makeup to exist, but still I don’t recommend it for two reasons:

It's going to make researching people whose experiences fit that much more difficult. Most experiences of colorism, othering, and other forms of discrimination that mixed white asians tend to face are completely different from mixed race asians who tend to have darker skin & features.

There's enough Japanese & white mixed Japanese rep in the Asian rep sphere as is. Consider that this individual could be mixed Asian (not Japanese) with something else (not white)!

But again, think over your motivations. I’ll spare you the copy/paste of our Motivations PSA, but re-read it and consider. Why do you wish to write a mixed Asian character to tell the story of your experiences as a mixed Black individual instead of a mixed Black character? What does it add to the story? Is it an effective vessel for the experiences you want to convey?

~ Rina

I think Rina brings up some good points here: I’m not hearing a lot of specificity in your query. As you doubtless know firsthand, the more intersectional and complex an identity, the more of a chance the identity may come with unexpected baggage and nuances that fly in the face of what is common sense for less intersectional identities. This can make writing such characters challenging just because there is so much choice on which identity themes to emphasize.

I once spent about 15 minutes explaining to a person the thought process I used to determine when I could wear jeans depending on which country I was living in as a mixed race person who is perceived as different things in different places. It might seem trivial, but it’s actually very important to me for the purposes of identity, safety and gender presentation, so I personally think it’s interesting. But will my readers think a character’s multi-page internal monologue on whether or not to wear jeans is especially compelling? Does the writer-version of me want to research the version of myself musing on my specific jeans conundrum to that extent? Or do I want to talk about other things related to attire a lot of other people would relate to? I think those are all YMMV questions, but hopefully, they provide some perspective that will help you be intentional about how you might want to tackle something potentially very time-consuming.

When I say intentional, I mean that when covering a complex identity with which you are peripherally familiar, it will always be more effective and easier to use it to tell a specific story extremely clearly than to be extremely broad in scope and try to include almost everything about your own experiences, especially because some of those experiences might not be as relevant for your character’s background as they are to yours.

One of my favorite childhood picture books is written and illustrated by a Nikkei writer-illustrator team. The book is titled Ashok by Any Other Name (link). The story features a desi child growing up in the US who wishes he had an American name his friends and teachers wouldn’t think was strange. It covers how being othered for his name makes him feel, and how he copes with that feeling. Speaking as someone both Japanese and desi, I think through the plot device of names perceived by the majority of Americans as foreign, this book aptly shows how many immigrant/diaspora creators are capable of relating to the pressures of assimilation experienced by other immigrant, even if the creator, the audience and the story’s subject’s backgrounds all don’t completely overlap 100%.

There will be aspects of your Blackness, mixed identity, skin color, sexuality and living in a local community lacking diversity as a member of many minority groups that you will find resemble/ resonate with the experiences of mixed-race, Japanese individual in a Europe-themed setting, and I think any story that leans into those themes will be considerably easier for you to research. In other words, instead of asking us “How does my experience differ?” I would approach this issue by deciding what narrative you want to show about your own experience and then research the specific contexts within which your desired story overlaps with elements of mixed-race Japanese experiences.

- Marika.

#japanese #mixed race #biracial #black #black woman #asian women #multicultural #multiracial #pov #identity #representation #asks

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ambiguouslady42 · 3 months ago

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Pairing: Hajime Umimeya x Chubby Fem! Reader

Genre: Fluff (for the time being), MDNI (I will block you)

Synopsis: It's cold and rainy. The Bofurin boys stop by for some good soup!

Tags: @pixelcafe-network, @jellyfishsart, @hayatoseyepatch, @awkwardchick87, @missvulpix212, @cottonlemonade

Note: Thank you Ele and Sam, my amazing beta readers.

Chapter 2: Pastina Soup

Dividers by: @cafekitsune

Chapter 1

It was rainy today. Not much foot traffic could be seen from the restaurant’s window. You figured this was natural because along with this rain, it’s freezing. You hate rainy days; you hate the water, but mostly because there’s a loneliness that comes with it. You moved away from home to find adventure, but you’re yet to feel that moment where you feel like you are a part of something or someone.

The window finally got fixed before the opening day. You felt blessed to be in a community like the one in Makochi. Everyone was helpful and warm. The cost of the repairs also didn’t break the bank, so you felt lucky as far as chaos went. Your restaurant opened this week, and you’re delighted to have regulars. Your staples are lasagna, spaghetti and meatballs, and tiramisu to name a few. You wanted to try having a weekly menu to experiment more The dishes were praised not only for their taste but for the sense of comfort that they bring. Tachibana came by to try your dishes and in return, she invited you to have lunch with her during the day. The boys were right, her omelette rice is to die for.

Speaking of the boys, you haven’t seen them as of late. You worry and think if there was something that you could have done to push them away. You shake your head and quell your worries with the likely outcome that they were dealing with other pressing business.

As you’re observing from the warmth of your restaurant you notice those specific jackets that you became familiar with. You notice Sakura at the front, with a glare on his face. From that instant, you run outside, without a jacket. Sakura fails to notice you, but then you see two other individuals trailing behind him.

“Hey! Sakura!”, you call out “Sakura! Can you hear me?!”

Sakura turns around to look at you and he instantly is startled that you would even call out to him. His two companions turn around and are as polite as ever. You notice that one of the boys has a blondish tinge to their hair, but he has a warm smile that you can’t be able to forget. The other has an eyepatch, but his manners don’t escape him.

“Hello there! I’m Suo! You must be the so-and-so we heard so much about last week.” He proceeds to continue smiling at you.

“Oh yeah! Your friend was such a big help to me last week. He came to my aid when I needed him. I am still grateful to him.” you tell him with a sense of pride

“I’m glad to hear that.” Suo proceeds to look in the direction of the blonde.

“Oh…right! I’m Nirei, it’s very nice to meet you!” he says with a bubbly demeanour.

The rain is starting to pick up and you’re beginning to feel cold. You’re elated to see the familiar faces, but you are yet to see the one who caught your attention last week; Hajime Umemiya. Suddenly you start to see a crowd of them walking right behind them. You notice that some of them are bruised and bandaged up. Right there in the crowd, you see him. Your heart begins to race just a little. You see the warm smile and he’s laughing amongst what you assume are his friends.

“Hey, listen! I know it’s cold out and it’s raining, would you want to come inside and I could fix you something to eat!” you say as loud as you can so everyone can hear you.

“There wasn’t any need to shout,” Sakura grumbles as he makes his way inside the restaurant.

“Thank you kindly.” follows Suo. Nirei smiles and nods politely. When they follow, the entire crew decides to come by, including him.

“Hey! Thank you so much for inviting us. Listen, I thought it would be a great idea to bring these to you!” Umemiya hands you some zucchini and eggplant. It almost feels like a bouquet in the way that you’re holding them. “I grew them myself and thought you might want to make something with them,” he says excitedly to you.

Your body begins to surge with warmth, but you realize that you’re still outside. You slightly shiver and Umemiya observes this. “Let’s get you inside! Don’t want you to catch a cold!”, He says in his chipper demeanor. He wraps his arm around your shoulder as he opens the door to lead you inside. It’s refreshing to experience this kind of personality. One that is outgoing, chipper, and makes you feel like there’s an exciting surprise around the corner. He lets go of you, but you feel like his touch lingers.

As you’re inside and feel the warmth in your body, you observe the large number of men who are drenched from being outside in the rain. Concerned that they can catch a cold, you quickly decide to prepare pastina soup. You have some broth in storage; it’s time to get to work! As far as your beautiful bouquet of vegetables, you quickly try to think of what you can make. A-ha! You figure out you can fry these zucchini, and make a quick eggplant parmigiana. Of course, let’s also make some spaghetti. Being able to think on your toes allows you to become efficient in a kitchen. You hear the chatter and laughter from the inside of the kitchen. You hear the kitchen door open. “You can’t be back here right now, it’ll be another while before everything is ready”, as you’re chopping up the vegetables and setting the cooking oil to an optimum temperature on the stove.

“I'm here to help.” the familiar voice says softly.

“Oh, Umemiya, it’s you.” giving him a small smile. “Oh I couldn’t let you help me, you’re my guest.”

His smile remains consistent. “I insist”, as you see him grabbing a spare apron that you have in the kitchen. “How can I help?”

You know you are smitten by the way that he is proactive. A man wanting to be proactive in your kitchen is the sure way to anyone’s heart. “If you’d like to help, start by turning on the oven that’s over there. You will want it at about 400° F. Next, you can take over chopping, while I check on the oil. We will be frying up this lovely zucchini. I’ll deal with the eggplant on my own.”

“Yes, ma’am!” Umemiya salutes you. Having the majority of the zucchini chopped, you begin to fry the vegetable, making sure that it won’t burn. Some of the oil jumps and it grazes your hand, but you walk it off as there is too much to do.

“You okay?!” Umemiya asks.

“Of course, this is nothing.” He is amazed and shocked at how you tolerate pain. You’re running back and forth between chopping and patting down the eggplant. “You have nothing to worry about! This is normal and it just tells me to lower the heat.” you smile at him as a way to confirm that he has nothing to worry about. He takes this as a sign to stop pressing the matter. He would do the same if he were in your position.

“So what were you and your comrades doing out there?” you ask him as you’re laying the eggplant in a baking dish.

“Ah, that. We were dealing with a certain group and we just needed to have a conversation with them. I feel it was very productive, and there’s no more to that now!” Umemiya tells you with that smile that could melt millions of hearts.

“Is that everything that happened?” you ask him in a playful tone. You walk just past him to try to reach for some necessary spices. However, you realize that they’re way too high up for your reach. “Why did I place this so high up? What was I thinking”, you said to yourself. “Need any help with that?” he asks as he is standing behind you.

“Yes, do you mind reaching for that? Sorry, just vertically challenged.”, you point to what you need. He stands next to you. You realize that he’s standing very close to you; you can smell his musk. It has a tinge of sweetness with herbs; it’s inviting to you. The cheeks on your face begin to turn red. He grabs the spices with ease and turns to see you. “Is this everything that you need?”, with such a reassuring smile. “Yeah…thanks”, you say quietly.

Using the spices, you add them to your broth. At this point, you know you wouldn’t mind having a bowl of this soup. The smell begins to linger in the air and it starts to travel outside of the kitchen door.

“Mmm, what’s that smell?!”, someone can be heard from outside.

“It’s almost ready!”, you say as loudly as you can to be heard. You take note of what’s already ready to be served. Course 1: soup and fried zucchini. As you are plating everything to your liking, Umemiya grabs a tray and places the bowls of soup to be served. “Oh wait! You don’t have to do that! I can do it!” you shout at him as he’s walking away. “Nonsense, I said I would help!” he retorts back as he’s already out the door.

“Okay! Okay! I got soup ready to go. Take your time!” Umemiya can be heard saying joyously to his comrades.

Nirei is the first to take a sip of the soup. “Oh my goodness! This is the best soup I’ve ever had!” Within seconds, he takes out his notebook and pen to write down what notes he can taste. Suo who is sitting next to him, slowly takes his sips and quietly nods his head to agree with Nirei. Sakura proceeds to follow their lead. His eyes open wide, but refuses to comment on the taste. His comrades take note of his face turning bright red.

“Is something bothering you?” asks Nirei.

“NO! What are you talking about?!” Sakura retorts back as he takes another sip of the soup.

You step out of the kitchen to check in on how everyone is enjoying their soup. You take notice that Umemiya has not yet had his portion. He’s still standing with his hands behind his back as if he’s waiting for the next command.

“Would you like to take a seat and have some food?” you ask him.

“No, I’d rather help. I’m kind of looking forward to having my meal with someone.” He’s looking at you with those soft, grey eyes and a gentle smile. This time, you’re feeling something in your stomach flutter. You realize that he’s talking about you.

“If you insist, Ume” you turn around and head back to the kitchen.

The main course will include small plates of spaghetti and your eggplant parmigiana. You feel like you outdid yourself preparing the eggplant as you take a small bite to see if it’s missing anything. Umemiya comes to meet you in the kitchen to help with the plating process. “Would you like to taste the eggplant you gifted me?” you ask him.

“Did you like it?!” he asks you excitedly.

“Just try it.” You’re giggling a bit as you prepare a clean spoon for tasting.

“I knew this would come in handy for you!” He grins excitedly.

“Thanks again. It was really sweet for you to bring me some vegetables,” you respond to him.

“I finally found someone who I think will appreciate the vegetables that I care so much for in my garden,” he responds to you.

“I’d love to be able to see it sometime..,” you tell him with a shy smile.

“Just let me know when and we’ll make it happen.” he grins to you.

You watch him taste your parmigiana and the grin and the way his eyes glow confirm that you achieved your desired outcome. As you finish plating everything, Umemiya is quick to deliver this to your guests.

You step out to see the constant glow on your guest's faces. You notice that Nirei is once again writing in his notebook. You step right behind him to take a glance at what he’s writing down. He notices the shadow cast behind him. “Whatcha writing down?” you ask.

“Oh! Um, um, it’s nothing! Really!” Nirei is panicking.

“No no, I just want to know!” you smile at him reassuringly. As Nireihands you the notebook at where he’s been writing. You notice that he’s been trying to find the notes in your soup and is trying to write down the possible ingredients in your pasta sauce.

“If you wanted to know what I put in my dishes, you just need to ask!” you tell him.

“Really?! Are your recipes not a secret?” he asks earnestly.

“Absolutely not! I just prepare everything as I’ve learned it as I travelled around. Of course, I modify things to my liking.” Everyone suddenly starts looking in your direction as you're excitedly talking about the places you’ve been. As you notice the gazes, you stop. You look around and see that Umemiya is looking towards you with that smile. You turn bright red and walk away back into the kitchen. He follows right behind you.

To distract yourself, you start to prepare your serving of food. Your stomach is grumbling; you can’t remember the last time you ate. Your hands are shaking as you try to grab the ladle for the soup. “Here, let me help with that.” Umemiya grabs the ladle from you. “I look forward to hearing all about your adventures and why you ended up here.”

“I’d love to tell you about everything,” you say quietly.

“Wonderful! I look forward to it!” that reassuring grin appears.

You realize that there’s a lot of food that you need to be able to eat. You don’t know if you’ll be able to finish it all.

“Don’t worry, whatever you don’t finish, I’ll make sure to help you. Your wonderful food shouldn’t go to waste!” he tells you. You observe Umemiya stepping out of the kitchen with your meals. You check to see that everything is off. He places your servings near the table closest to the window, away from everyone else. You sit right across from him. You're both smiling at each other as you place a napkin on your lap.

“So tell me where you came from before Makochi?”

He looks at you intently, curious why someone as adorable as you would move here. He takes a sip of the soup; just as he thought: heart-warming and comforting, just like you.

#wind breaker x reader #Wind Breaker fanfic #wind breaker x you #wind breaker x chubby reader #umemiya hajime x reader #umemiya hajime x chubby reader #Wind Breaker #hajime umemiya x reader #hajime umemiya x chubby reader #hajime umemiya x you #umemiya hajime x you

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nekropsii · 8 months ago

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thank you for carrying the torch of hemoanarchists with the posts that detailed how shitty/racist hussie was. feels like people nowadays enjoy flattening their personality into either "theyre a saint <3" or "theyre the worst person ever to live" when like. theyre not perfect. they were just somebody

Thank you, and I’m glad you like my posts, but I will put it on record now that I’m not really carrying the torch of any specific blogger. I’m speaking up on behalf of all of the Homestucks of Color that the fandom has brutally harassed out of the community for the crime of saying the truth. I loathe the fandom’s blindness to racism, especially racism in their own corner, and their black and white mentality with regards to the notion of Bad People.

Hussie was indisputably racist during the time of writing Homestuck. That much is fact, denying so is abject stupidity and spitting in the eyes of reason. I don’t care what your minority status is, I don’t care who or what you are, if you say Hussie wasn’t antiblack during Homestuck’s serialization, you are an idiot. Demonstrably so. White people do not not casually throw the N-Word around as a joke for non-racist reasons. White people do not draw and write racial caricatures as a joke for non-racist reasons. Bigoted jokes made at the expense of a minority are still bigoted.

Hussie was not a saint. This is true. Again, the racism. But they aren’t the devil, either - some of the things people accuse Hussie of… They’re just not true. Even I’ve fallen victim to that mentality before. Years upon years of getting told, starting at about age 13, that Hussie’s Avatar is indicative of Hussie, and therefore Hussie was actually sexually attracted to Vriska… Will get that ingrained in your head, even if it’s not true. Years upon years of discourse saying Hussie is superhuman levels of terrible with nobody contesting it will get you thinking Hussie is completely terrible, and that every little accusation made at their expense is true. After all, when you start accepting one bad thing about someone being true, it’s easy to start accepting all those other things, too.

Hussie is not a saint. Never was. Hussie has flaws, some of which were… Very appropriate for the era, and the demographic she belonged to. Again. The racism. But, sincerely, a lot of the Hussie Hate is majorly overblown and founded on nothing in particular. A lot of it is commonly believed just because it’s never really been challenged before. Just because a guy was racist in the 2000s does not mean they were also a pedophile. What the fuck?

Hussie was just some guy. A flawed guy, yeah. Racist guy. But genuinely just some guy. Not a child predator, not a superbigot, absolutely not comparable to fucking J.K. Rowling, Jesus Christ. Some guy. Regular dude on the internet. Did some bad things. So did you. Forgive them or don’t. But maybe get a source for all those claims you make.

#also yes ive been wrong before. VERY wrong. theres posts of mine out there i really REALLY do not agree with these days #i am not infallible #godbless #ive been through a lot the past couple years this blog has been alive #ive done a lot of growing and experienced a lot of changing #homestuck #homestuck fandom #andrew hussie #cw racism #nekro.sms

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cripplecharacters · 9 months ago

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How would I go about portraying an autistic character in a world where there wouldn’t be the terminology for that sort of thing? It’s a fantasy novel that mostly surrounds fairies, and I’m considering having her family think she’s a changeling (something I know has ableist roots and could be shown to be wrong as she’s just an autistic human)

Hello, thanks for your question!

Using pretty direct Autistic coding would be your best bet for making the character as obviously Autistic as possible without having the in-world terminology for it. This could include showing the character stimming, having distinct speech patterns from the rest of the cast, experiencing shutdowns or meltdowns when relevant, fixating on particular interests, keeping a regular routine (and getting upset when it's disrupted), and reacting more strongly to sensory input than the rest of the cast, among other things. Readers who are Autistic or otherwise familiar with Autism will probably clue in quite quickly if you depict these kinds of traits.

While the idea of changelings being equated with disabilities--and Autism in particular--has grown in popularity over the past decade, I would still advise a lot of caution in associating Autistic characters with changelings. While some Autistic people (especially those of us outside of Europe where changelings originated) do identify with changelings due to feeling othered by society, many of us don't because of the negative context of the original changeling stories. I feel that the real-world history behind the stories should be taken into serious consideration before drawing any direct parallels between disabled people and changelings.

Though it's absolutely plausible that the changeling stories did potentially originate as ways to explain the presence and development of disabilities in children as many theories argue, the changeling stories themselves don't frame changelings in a positive or even neutral light--changelings are creatures you absolutely do not want in your home or family and are seen as undeserving burdens on a family's hard-earned resources. There are documented historical instances of people--adults and children alike--being beaten, abused or murdered just on suspicion of having been changelings. I feel that this context is often lost outside of Europe, as we don't always realize that changelings were taken very seriously, especially in rural communities, and were not just harmless bedtime stories.

Because of this, I would suggest that, if you go the changeling route, you take the time and effort to portray it as a particularly dehumanizing and potentially dangerous form of ableism, and approach the subject with delicacy. Otherwise, if your portrayal of fairies in your story is not negative the way they tend to be when associated with creatures like changelings, you could keep the foundations of the changeling story--a human replaced by a fey creature--but tweak the perceptions your character's society might have around them, and perhaps change the name to something that doesn't evoke the same connotations as the changeling.

Other Autistic people are welcome to add their thoughts!

-Mod Faelan

#anonymous #mod faelan #autism representation #fantasy species #tw ableism #fantasy setting

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septembersung · 25 days ago

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Having thoughts.

I have some friends (using the word loosely) who are very active on fb and elsewhere sharing things about their large catholic families. I have sometimes envied this. They’re offering a public, beautiful witness to life and being a catholic family, and the public square needs that.

On the other hand, I made a decision before my firstborn was 1 or 2 to quit posting pictures on the internet for security reasons, which have only gotten more relevant as the years go by. Not that we have any immediate or personal threats against us but because of the nature of the internet. And, a lot of my immediate family, who would want the updates, don’t do fb. Some I’m coming from a different set of expectations and boundaries.

And while I like blogging about whatever is floating through my head, or funny things my kids say, doing it anonymously and a step or two removed from my family is totally different from putting our daily lives out there for everyone I’ve ever met who knew me as the season one version of me and not as a fully formed adult. (Not that their posts aren’t curated, because of course they are, but they’re a lot more authentic than, say, insta influencers, and it’s easy to see the difference with the ones I know in person.)

And: kids aren’t content. (The option to make your posts unrebloggable is the best thing tumblr ever did.) Fb is still different from insta, and mostly what I see in real life circles is people communicating for the purpose of sharing with other in-their-real-life people, but when for me at least that isn’t a natural form of social media it’s hard not to see it for myself as creating content for likes. The short term kick of self esteem if people interact positively… isn’t worth it? And my kids do have a right to expect they’re not being paraded in public in what should be the privacy of their home? Because for me at least, I’m more of a homebody and candid photo mom, setting up outings worth sharing and posed photos is more work than I have bandwidth for. There are people for whom that is second nature, I’m not one of them.

Plus. Plus!! I mull over this general topic (how “public” should our family be) pretty regularly and I think I’m getting the impression that it is simply not my calling. We’re unavoidably public in the sense every family is, we have a community and we go out in public spaces eg church, grocery store, but my growing conviction is that we are supposed to be hidden and interior focused right now. I have so many things to sort out in my self and life and house. I’m not a leader or an example or anything right now, and probably never will be. I have some pride to mortify there - I see other people being those things, and I want to too! That childhood people pleasing, collect all the praise, kind of urge dies a hard death.

Getting out in the community and participating in things is good but it’s not a substitute for doing the family culture building and private family work, and can’t replace it. I’ve tried to over-correct from my isolated childhood, I think, (and I was public schooled!), and when I’ve been sick for long periods at a time, as has frequently happened over the years, I’ve relied on our community to provide structure and experiences I couldn’t at the time (by going to group outings and signing up for regular group events, etc.) Compared to my friends here who are a) lifelong locals, with b) local extended family and c) are extroverts we’re still “under socialized”, but that’s only by comparison.

I guess I’m just renewing my commitment to the idea that it’s okay not to put my family out there on the internet, and solidifying my growing conviction that it’s okay to not do all the things. Or even many things. And it’s not like we’re isolated - even now we’re only going to be home a couple days a week from now til Christmas, as I discovered when when trying to coordinate something else recently.

It’s just that so many of the things I tried this year simply haven’t worked out long term. There’s a variety of reasons for that and it makes me really sad but also I have to stop hanging my sense of “success” and “failure” on outside commitments. In fact I should probably work on changing my idea of “failure” here to something else because that’s the wrong word and comes from something in me that is based on fear and not reality or a healthy sense of measuring growth for our family. They weren’t bad goals but also not pursuing them doesn’t mean we’re doomed to be isolated weirdos. Which as a public schooler who nonetheless had no real social life or community engagement was my fear. Homeschoolers even have more opportunities for those things I think but we have to be intentional about it, especially if the parents are homebodies, and my experience proves that simply being public schooled doesn’t replace family culture and community involvement. And!! The fact that my neurodivergent kids struggle with the format and expectations of extra curriculars does not make them or me “bad” or “failures.” They just need something else from their opportunities and from me. The sooner I embrace that the better for all of us.

(My kids are going to be weird no matter what because their parents are weird. And because we are traditional Catholics and we reject 99% of what passes for contemporary culture. And because many of them are some flavor of neurospicy. Social anxiety around “being weird” is completely pointless and a distraction from real issues. This is a tangent.)

Right now, I have a real and even urgent obligation to be at home and immediate-family-focused for a while. Maybe a long while. That’s the kicker, I need to sit with this conviction and see what it means in practice. I struggle with time blindness these days so idk exactly what “long” means. Practically speaking probably at least through next summer because of when baby is due. Which reminds me I have a great and terrible hope/ambition around the possibility of a new co op opportunity next fall which has the potential to match what my family actually needs with people who also have older kids and share my educational philosophy.

But which again, this extended period of embracing being home and hidden doesn’t mean we’re isolated by any means. I know this is all vague, but I don’t want to give an erroneous impression. We know people, we get out, we do things. It’s more about my attempts to be regularly involved in formal ongoing community commitments and how I think God is slowly turning my head around the other direction and saying no, not that, not now. We have so many things to work on, habits and structures and attitudes that our family needs to practice and develop. This is the core of it, articulating all this has helped and I’m confident about the rest of it, but I’m carrying so much fear and anxiety around this part. I think I’m right but my heart needs to be reassured and that can only happen through prayer and living it out. I have to see the positive good we’re building, of what I’m being called to, instead of just mourning what I wish we had right now and don’t. Bingo. There we go.

Being a mom is hard but it’s not hard in any of the ways I thought it would be. Truly having many small children at once was the easiest part. No wonder veteran moms speak fondly of “the trenches.” The turns have indeed tabled.

#my life #notes from the motherside

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