#wishing i could stop thinking about EVERYTHING at once and lose consciousness again

[madmaryholiday]

I need to actually sleep in for once so my brain doesn't get bored with being awake by 9pm. If I wake up at 9am, time just fucking DRAGS for some reason. I only ever feel mentally awake after noon anyway, so those first few hours are just me fighting my brain until the motor finally kicks in.

Anyway I'm saying this because I already know I'll be up by 9 tomorrow, and I'm salty about it.

[elllisaaa]

no nut november - hwang hyunjin (1st to lose)

-> pairing : hyunjin x fem!reader

-> words count : 2,6k

-> genre : smut, etablished relation

-> warnings : slight pussydrunk!hyunjin, sending nudes, teasing, dirty talk, praising, unprotected sex, marking, oral (f. receiving), fingering, creampie, use of 'good girl', nipple play, begging + the way i'm depicting hyunjin does not represent him, it's only a work of fiction.

-> 18+ content bellow, minors dni

-> reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated ! sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language

-> masterlist | skz masterlist | no nut november

When all the members agreed to this stupid bet, Hyunjin was determined not to lose, or at least, not to lose before Jisung. Everyone knew both of them would be the first to be out, it was obvious, but he had his pride. He just wanted to not be the first to lose. Because he had a bit of consciousness left ; his sex drive was too high to not do anything for a whole month, but one week, maybe he could handle it. 

He didn’t text you right away, thinking about all the things he had to do and that he would see you tonight ; he’ll tell you at this moment. But when he got home, you were not here, just a note saying you were spending the night at your best friend's because she wasn’t feeling well. Hyunjin didn’t think much of it, going on about his day casually texting with you. He didn’t recall the bet once because they had all agreed not to talk about it in order not to disturb them while they were working. 

It’s only when, three days after the agreement was made, you sent him a picture of you, wearing only your underwear, that he realized he totally forgot to tell you. He came very late last night and just wanted to sleep. And you left very early in the morning, which didn’t give him a chance to address a word to you. 

Hyunjin gulped loudly, closing his eyes and trying to think about all the most disgusting things he knew, just to stop the memories of you and your sweet voice moaning his name coming back into his mind. But it was too late. He had a bonner, and all he wanted was to came back home and fuck you. 

He resumed practicing his choreo, but all he was thinking about was you. Your face when he gave you what you wanted, your moans when he got down on you, your mouth wrapped around his cock, your tight little cunt that he was just wishing to be buried into right now. And all of that didn’t help him to calm down, nor the fact that you were actually still wearing only your underwear when he stepped into your apartment. He knew you were more comfortable like that when you were alone but you always put something back on before he got home - or you would end up fucking like bunnies everytime. But he came back earlier and the sight in front of his eyes was very, very tempting. 

“- Baby… Why are you doing this to me ?”

You turned around with a grin on your face, letting the meal you were cooking warm up behind you, still not aware of how difficult you were making it for him to keep his calm. 

“- Doing what ? Thought you liked it…”

You stopped the gas under your pot before stepping closer to him, noticing how tense his jaw was. 

“- Are you alright Jinnie ?

- Yeah, yeah, don’t worry. You’re just… I can’t resist.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his compliment. You always liked men being vocal about how much you were driving them crazy, and Hyunjin just reinforced that by telling you everything that crossed his mind at every moment. 

“- Why would you have to resist though ? I’m here to please you.”

You smiled once again, finally reaching him and pecking his lips, making him gasp and going stiff. 

“- I… Me and the boys made a bet.”

You frowned and tilted your head to the side, wondering which dumb shit it was this time, and if it was coming from your boyfriend or Jisung. 

“- And what is it ?

- No nut november.”

The laugh that escaped your lips was so loud that Hyunjin was torn between finding your smile beautiful and feeling vexed that you thought he was so bad at controlling himself. The pout on his face told you exactly that when you were finally able to look at him again. You put your hands on his cheeks, still smiling from ear to ear. 

“- And you agreed ?

- Yeah, why ?

- Baby… We both know that you won’t last a week in this. You’re so hard right now, and I haven’t done anything yet.”

Hyunjikn groaned, closing his eyes to stop himself from looking at your thighs, and your lips, and your whole body. Still, you were absolutely right. He knew he wouldn’t last long, but he thought he was stronger than that. While he was thinking, you started to run your fingers through his hair, kissing his cheeks but never his lips. 

“- So ? Am I still “so in for it” or not ?”

He thought about it for a moment. Yes, he would never hear the end of it if he lost on the third day, and Jisung’s ego will get even bigger. But what was the point ? He didn’t want not to touch you for a month when you were literally his stress reliever. 

Without saying a word nor answering to you, he put his hands on your hips and his lips on yours, making you smile into your passionate kiss. He gave up so much more easily than you thought, but you weren’t going to complain. Hyunjin broke the kiss just to let his eyes wander all over your half-naked body. 

“- Like what you see ?”

He licked his lips, his hands sliding from your hips to your ass with a grin on his face. And even if you should be used to it, the fact that he was effortlessly so hot still made a shiver run down your spine.

“- So much… Makes me want to fuck you right now.”

Your own hands slipped under the hem of his shirt, your fingers running across his warm skin. And it was driving him crazy. It’s been three days since he had felt your touch for the last time, and he didn’t want to contain himself any more. It’s already been too long for him. 

Hyunjin pushed your hips into his, letting you feel his hard cock under his clothes, and kissed you once again. You could feel his heated skin through his still clothed body. And that was driving you insane. You could make fun of Hyunjin all you wanted, but you knew you were not any better. You couldn’t have resisted him more than he did. Your sex drive was as high as his, but you were grateful he gave in first - wouldn’t have been good for your image. 

Soon enough, you felt Hyunjin’s tongue licking your lips, and you opened your mouth with a little whimper, kissing him hungrily while your hands were gripping his shirt, forcing him to break the kiss to take it off. You stepped back and settled on top of the kitchen’s counter, and then pulled Hyunjin between your legs, your face inches away from his. 

“- Then fuck me Jinnie… I want you so bad…”

And that did it for him. Hyunjin let his head fall into your neck, sucking on it, licking it, biting it, and making you moan and tug his hair in your fingers. His own hand already found the clip of your bra and took it off. His lips traced a trail from your neck to your nipples that he quickly took in his mouth, getting you to whine his name and grip tightly at his roots. 

“- I missed feeling your skin…”

You smiled at how innocent this comment was even though Hyunjin was playing with your breast, and that his lips were making their way to your soaked panties. Your boyfriend was always eager to eat you out. Of course he loved it when you sucked him off, but he could spend hours between your legs without getting tired of your taste, or the noise you were making every time he did. And well, you couldn’t protest when he was this good with his mouth. 

Hyunjin kept eye contact with you while he slowly took off your panties. He threw them away somewhere in the room, kissing your inner thighs and making his way to your cunt. You sighed, relaxing completely under his touch, spreading your legs wide and tugging at his hair. When he finally put his mouth on your clit, you moaned and closed your eyes shut, the familiar rush of pleasure coursing through your veins. 

“- God… I wouldn’t have survived one month without your mouth on me…”

Hyunjin chuckled against you, sending vibrations that made you shiver. He stuck his tongue out, practically making out with your clit as you were clenching around nothing, whining and grinding against his face.

“- You really love tasting me baby, don’t you… ?”

You let out a shaky breath when your boyfriend pressed a finger against your entrance, teasing you a bit before pushing it between your folds and making you moan loudly. He didn’t stop licking you all this time, a mix of his saliva and your juices dripping down from your cunt to the counter beneath you. 

“- Yeah… Pussy drunk are you ? Of course you are… Look at you baby, face buried into me like you didn’t eat me out just three days ago…”

As much as you liked teasing him, it was getting difficult to even think of a single thing, and your words were quickly replaced by never ending and louder moans each time his now two fingers pressed against your sweet spot. You just stopped talking for a while, the heat in your body starting to get unbearable. 

“- Jinnie… P-Please… A little more… Just n-need… More…”

Hyunjin almost whined at you begging for him, for his tongue and fingers to give you what you were waiting for. Your hands were gripping his hair tight, and he could have come untouched just from the feeling and the view of your blissed out face. But he wanted to be in you so bad, he just pressed his tongue harder on your clit, overstimulating you a bit while you were coming just for him. 

He let you come back from your orgasm while he was wiping off your juices that dripped on his chin. Hyunjin smiled at you when you opened your eyes, looking so fucked out he just wanted to burry himself deep in you. 

“- Wouldn’t survive a month without eating you out…”

You heard his mumbled words and it made you laugh : you two were definitely not made for this type of challenge, but it didn’t even cross your mind as you kissed Hyunjin and your hands were sliding his pants down his thighs, his boxer following quickly. 

“- Want you in me…”

You were asking for it so sweetly, how could he say no to you ? (and yes, he had convinced himself that he caved in only because you were looking really gorgeous, not because he couldn’t hold back anymore.) Hyunjin guided his cock to your cunt, letting only the tip slide into you. 

“- How much do you want it love ? Tell me… ”

He liked to tease you just before entering you, just before he couldn’t tease anymore because he was always too far gone in your warm, tight, wet cunt. He was crazy over you, over this feeling. But at the same time, he couldn’t resist the urge to hear you beg for him, for his cock one more time. 

“- P-Please… 

- Please what ?

- Want your dick in me… Want you to be rough…

- That’s my good girl…"

You almost cried at the feeling of him entering you fully, making you feel on the verge of tears from the overwhelming feeling of his warm body against yours. Hyunjin’s lips were only inches from yours and you leaned in to kiss him hungrily while he was putting his hands on your waist and started to move back and forth. Both your moans were muffled by your messy kisses, feeling saliva drip from your mouth to your chin, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care when his dick in you felt like heaven. 

“- Shit… You’re so tight love… 

- Just for you… For your big cock…

- Yeah ? Big enough for your little wet cunt ?

- Fuck ! Yes… Don’t stop… C-Close…”

As your second orgasm was approaching, you started to lose your words, only capable of letting out some words here and there, and rutting your hips against Hyunjin. You nuzzled your face into his neck, muffling your moans against the sensitive skin, making your boyfriend shiver, loving to be so close to him, even though his pace was all but romantic. 

“- Gonna cum love ?

- Y-Yeah… Keep going p-please…”

Hyunjin sped up the rhythm of his hips, feeling you getting tighter with each thrusts, then getting sloppier and messier, telling you he was also almost there too. You also knew he liked to be praised when he was about to come. So you did just that.

“- You’re making me feel so good baby, so full… Love it when you lose control like this, just for me… You’re going to make me come with your big dick…”

Your boyfriend moaned against your lips, his forehead pressed against yours and his fingers digging into the skin of your hips so deep you hesitated between whining in pleasure or in pain. 

“- Ah- So good for me Hyunjin… Want you to fill me up… Come on, give it to me…”

“- Baby… Fuck !”

And that did it for Hyunjin. It only took him a couple more thrusts before he reached his high, cumming hard inside of you. And the feeling of his hot seed spilling in your cunt pushed you over the edge too, crying out in pleasure, joining the fucked out songs your boyfriend was letting out as he continued moving until it all started to feel too much. 

Both of you needed a moment to come back to reality, looking each other in the eyes and smiling softly before sharing a sweet kiss. You sighed, leaning totally against Hyunjin’s firm body while he stocked your back softly. You didn’t know what was to gain if he won the bet, but judging by your actual state, you didn’t care much, rather not at all. 

“- Go to the shower baby, I’ll warm up our meal and we could watch the drama we started last time. How’s that sound ?

- Perfect. I love you so much…”

You giggled before kissing him and muttering an “I love you too” against his lips. You pushed him away from you, just so you could get down off of the counter and put back your underwear, preventing his cum from spilling out of you and dripping down your thighs. Hyunjin stared at you, frowning and you understood something was bothering him.

“- What ?

- Sure you don’t need help to clean up ?

- Yes, I’m sure. I can do that myself, and I know you need your shower after work.”

Hyunjin took you in by your waist to kiss you before gathering his spare clothes on the floor and getting to the bathroom. Once there, he took his phone out of his pants, sending a message in the group chat.

Hyunjin shutted his phone off for the night, wanting to enjoy this moment with his sweet girlfriend that he could have whenever he wanted while the other would have to contain themselves. And for him, that was the real victory.

-> i don't allow any copies, reposts or translations of my work.

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[angelwings-crossbowstrings]

Chapter 4

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Typical TWD violence and gore, canonical character death, sexual themes/situations, masturbation

A/N: The series will heavily follow the timeline and events of the show but there will be additional non-canonical events/injuries/etc.

Moodboard by @dannyo000 💙

You sat quietly in the passenger seat of Daryl’s truck after the caravan had stopped for a problem with the RV. There had been introductions after you had gathered your bearings during the last stop, and your trauma-addled brain was working overtime to retain the information. 

Along with the RV’s issues, the group was currently saying goodbye to one of their own. It seemed too intimate an affair for you to include yourself, an outsider. The man had been bitten. It was your understanding they were all headed for the CDC in Atlanta, desperate for a cure before the sickness could take him. 

But the fever had won, as it always did.  

You watched as the frail man was carefully moved to the base of a tree, but then averted your gaze as they bid him farewell. They were all affected, heads down as they returned—one by one—to their vehicles. They intended to leave him, per his own wishes. You weren’t sure if that was a choice you could make were you the one in his predicament. It was both admirable and ludicrous. 

Daryl returned to the truck, remaining quiet as he climbed behind the wheel. He hadn’t spoken a word to you, which left you with a tight feeling inside your chest that you couldn’t—wouldn’t—name. You wondered if you were only there because of the possibility that his baby was growing inside of you. It hadn’t been mentioned. 

I told ya she’s good.

He hadn’t given the group any information. They knew your name per your own admission, which alone was enough to twist the archer’s face into a scowl. You were a dirty little secret. You had placed your remaining fragments of hope in Daryl after losing everything and he was treating you like he’d left a few loose bills on a dresser after fucking you in a sleazy motel. 

You scrutinized him from the corner of your eye; the way he was tapping the tip of each finger against the steering wheel as he drove. His other arm was resting on the door, the window down, while he rubbed his thumb across his bottom lip. The broken skin on the sides of the digit suggested that it was indeed a habit he turned to in times of stress. He was consciously trying not to indulge. 

You cleared your throat, keeping your eyes on the back of the vehicle in front of you. “I’m sorry about your friend.” You dared a glance at the same time he gave you a once over. 

“Weren’t no friend’a mine.”

Lie. You could clearly see he was affected. It was borderline offensive that he’d even try to deny it. “Right. Well, I’m sorry anyway.” The uncomfortable silence stretched on, leaving you with vivid images of your encounters with the redneck. Even after you had told him you might be pregnant, there hadn’t been this thick tension in the air between the two of you. “Thank you.” He looked at you again, barely moving his hand away from his mouth. “For saving me.”

He hummed, this time parting his lips to nip at the irritated skin of his thumb. You wanted so badly to reach over and guide his hand away, but you knew that was a bad idea. 

“Ya take one’a them tests?”

Ah, there it was. Your back slid down the seat while you nervously twisted the hem of your flannel around your index finger. “Uh, no. I lost them when I ran from the camp.” He shot you a look so quickly you thought he might have given himself whiplash. 

“Y’fuckin’ serious?”

You nodded, expecting an outburst, but you still flinched when his fist came down on the doorframe, keeping it clenched when he brought it back to his mouth. “It was an accident. I wasn’t exactly thinking of them when I was wrestling a geek for my bag. Lost most of my clothes and my canteen, too.”

He let out a condescending humph from behind his hand. “Ya sure it’s even mine?”

Now it was your turn to pin him down with a look of your own. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Means exactly what I said.”

You felt the sting of tears behind your eyes, along with the urge to throttle him right where he sat, regardless of the fact that he was driving. “Well, there was that other hunter I’d meet at dawn and then the one that would wait patiently until you got your rocks off first.”

“Ya think your funny?”

“I’m not trying to be funny, asshole. If there’s a baby, unfortunately, it’s yours.” His piercing gaze met your narrowed eyes, only holding for a moment before he had to look back at the road. “Can you pull over?”

“Gonna puke again?”

“No.” You snapped, angling your body toward the door. “I want to get out.”

“Why?”

“Because being trapped in such a small space with you is going to make me puke. Now, pull over.” 

To his credit, he did slow down. “Nah.” He pressed the gas and easily caught up with the car in front of him. 

“Don’t worry, Daryl. I won’t tell anyone your secret.” You hissed the word with such venom that you swore you could taste the remnants of it on the tip of your tongue. 

“Settle down. Ain’t lettin’ ya out so ya can get your fool self killed.” 

You threw yourself back against the seat with more force than necessary, crossing your arms. You wondered if you suddenly began to pray that god or whoever was listening might possibly just see fit to bestow upon you the monthly occurrence that most women deem as a curse. 

This was the reason the time between you in those woods was so limited. No feelings involved. Little to no social information exchanged. You liked the Daryl that made it priority to worship your body and fuck you senseless, his only words being filthy encouragement that would catapult you to and over the edge. Even when he accompanied you to the pharmacy, his presence wasn’t a negative contribution to the journey. You had actually felt oddly—comfortable. 

But the Daryl that you were currently trapped inside a beat up old pickup truck with had spoken all of seven sentences and you wanted to shoot him in the groin. You couldn’t imagine having a child with that man. Didn’t want to imagine it. If only your baser instincts hadn’t been so prominent over common sense when you saw him in the woods that third time. 

You could vomit now when you thought back on that specific meeting. You quite literally propositioned him while stalking toward him and simultaneously ripping off your shirt. He had looked so confused at first but caught up quickly. He was deep inside you while you straddled his lap less than five minutes later. Why hadn’t you at least had the brain power to tempt him just enough and send him to get condoms first? Nope. You jumped straight on his dick like a horny teenager. 

“For the love of fucks sake.” You pinched the bridge of your nose, ashamed at how recalling the carnal moments spent with the man across the bench seat from you had heat pooling at the apex of your thighs. You shifted, crossing your legs and pressing one down on the other, the tough inseam of your jeans rubbing just right over your clit to send a jolt of pleasure all the way down to your toes. You only barely stifled a moan. 

A quick glance found Daryl still watching the road, lighting up a cigarette. Yet another thing you didn’t know about him. You shifted your hips while casting quick, discrete glances. He was seemingly oblivious. Biting your bottom lip, you turned your face toward the window and continued the careful side to side of your hips, very slowly but very steadily working toward what would undoubtedly be a quick and not totally satisfying orgasm. Still, it was better than the alternatives of either sliding your hand into your panties or asking the man beside you to slide his hand into your panties. 

You noticed your breaths quickening and inhaled deeply through your nose to try and calm both that and your heartrate. The hot coil burning in your lower belly was tightening, pulses of pleasure bleeding out to culminate at the swollen bud that your jeans were stimulating. You were so close, almost there—

Daryl cleared his throat, flicking his smoke out the window and unintentionally bringing a sudden halt to any progress you had made toward release. You openly glared at him. 

“What?” He huffed, sneering at your obvious resentment. 

“You’re an asshole.”

It was near dusk when the caravan finally pulled up to the CDC. There had been stops to siphon fuel, take bathroom breaks, and go over plans and strategies. You had remained inside the cab of the truck, not trusted enough to be privy on their plans. You couldn’t really fault them. Even if they had included you, nothing they had said could have prepared you for the devastation outside the government building. 

“We’re really going out there?” You asked, feeling nauseated at the thought of seeing the bodies up close. 

“Yep.” Daryl replied casually, already outside the truck. He was holding his crossbow as well as a shotgun and was looking at you expectantly. “C’mon. Get the lead out, woman.” 

Puffing out your cheeks in a forced exhale, you opened the truck door. The stench of death and rot was even worse when you stepped out onto the pavement. Flies and maggots were in abundance, feasting on the fallen littering the ground. You gagged behind your hand, ushered forward by a surprisingly gentle hand from the redneck. 

“Can’t stop here.”

When you caught up with the group, the one called Shane was directing everyone like a traffic cop, trying to keep fear and panic to a minimum. “All right, everybody. Keep moving. Go on. Stay quiet. Let's go. Okay, keep moving. Stay together.”

Rick joined in, urging everyone forward while Jacqui and Shane tried to keep the group quiet. You were at the rear of the main cluster of people with Daryl following closely behind you. You could hear the commotion before you saw Shane pounding on the shutters that were keeping the entrance blocked. 

“Walkers!” Daryl called out, firing a shot that made you flinch. 

“Walkers?” You blurted before realizing exactly what he meant. “Oh fuck!” You had no weapon, absolutely no method of defending yourself. Before you could protest, Daryl had reached back with one arm and pushed you behind himself. You didn’t have time to think too hard on it before he was yelling. 

“Ya led us into a graveyard!” 

Your hands had fisted into the back of his shirt, subsequently allowing him to guide you where he needed you without sacrificing his focus. 

“He made a call!” Shane sounded from somewhere behind you. 

Daryl growled harshly, the sound vibrating your hands against his back. “It was the wrong damn call!” He shouted. The commotion continued, blame and orders being thrown about in shouts and pleas you ignored in favor of burying your face between Daryl’s shoulder blades. You had survived; lost your entire family and stayed alive only to die with a handful of strangers and a man you almost wished you had made more of an effort to get to know. Amidst the crying children, the screaming women, you could clearly hear and focus on Rick’s desperate declaration:

“You’re killing us! You’re killing us! You’re killing us!”

“Daryl.” You sobbed before you could stop yourself. 

Then, something unexpected but no less of a miracle. 

The shutters began to open, dousing you all in a most blessed light. 

[madamebaggio]

Notes: Oh wait... There's more!

Previously...

***

Chapter 26

Beorn’s house, July 20th, 2941

Gandalf was sipping tea from a big mug as if he was keeping court when Bluebell found him. She’d learned to trust the wizard less when he looked so serene.

“Gandalf.”

“Oh, Bluebell, my dear. Would you care for some tea?”

Yes… She didn’t like the look in his eyes, but she did need to talk to him.

“Yes, please.” She had to climb onto the chair, but she wasn’t about to ask someone to help her.

“Do you have something on your mind?” Gandalf asked, polite as a prince.

“Actually, yes.” Bell put her hand on her pocket and pulled the ring she’d found in the caves. “I found this. That is how I escaped the caves.” She passed him the ring. “It made me invisible.”

Gandalf hummed as he inspected the ring. “This is quite old. Did it make you completely disappear?”

“Yes.”

“Fascinating.” He slipped the ring on his finger and also disappeared. Once he pulled out and she could see him again, he chuckled. “It is fine. It is harmless.” He gave it back to her.

“Good to know.” She put it away.

“But you do need to be careful with it.” He told her. “Even though it is harmless, you cannot be found if you are wearing it. Meaning that if you lose consciousness, for example, it would be hard to help you.”

“That is a good point.”

They sat looking at each other in silence for a while, locked in a battle of wills. Bluebell was not going to be the first to say anything related to Thorin.

“So…” He started like nothing was amiss. “Queen Under the Mountain, hm?”

Bluebell gave him an unimpressed look.

“And to think you did not want to abandon your mother’s doilies.”

“Don’t be smug, Gandalf.” She told him. “It is unbecoming.”

He snorted. “As you say.” He became serious for a moment. “I could not have predicted this and I certainly could not have orchestrated it, but I am happy for you.”

“Really?”

“Yes, my dear Bluebell.” He smiled kindly at her. “I cannot think of anyone better suited for this journey or this king.” He once again turned serious. “You do know it will not be easy, right?”

“Yes, Gandalf.”

He nodded, seemingly satisfied by her answer. “I believe Master Balin was looking for you.”

Bell sighed. “I am sure he was.”

***

“Fíli.”

The young lad turned his head to him. “Yes, uncle?”

Thorin stopped next to his oldest nephew. “Are you preparing to leave again?”

“Yes.” The youngster confirmed. “Gandalf says we need to leave here tomorrow. I just wanted to be sure we had everything ready.”

Thorin knew he was very hard on the boys, especially Fíli. He knew it was unfair to put on him all the weight of a crown they didn’t even have.

The boys had lost their father too soon and Dís… His sister hadn’t had a choice but to be strong. At times, Thorin envied her resilience. They’d lost so much, and she’d lost even more. Yet, he didn’t know where he’d be if Dís wasn’t by his side.

He didn't know how to do better for his nephews, especially Fíli.

“Is everything alright, uncle?” Fíli asked him.

“Fíli… Bluebell has accepted my suit, which means she will be my Queen if…” He cleared his throat. “When we recover our home.”

The boy smiled. “Yes, uncle. We are all very happy for you two.”

Thorin nodded. “Bell does not believe she can still have children, but even if she can…” This was harder than he’d thought it might be. “Fíli, you are my heir.” He put a hand on his shoulder. “And this is not changing.”

Fíli seemed surprised by that statement.

The truth was that Thorin didn’t even know if Fíli wanted to be King. He’d never seen Erebor, he didn’t know about any of it: the glory, the people, the riches deep within the mountain. For him, those were all old tales, a life he could barely imagine.

A life he - perhaps - didn’t wish for.

“I… Thank you, uncle.” He scratched the back of his head. “The truth is… I wish for your happiness, most of all. The crown does not look as important as that. If Miss Baggins can make you happy and if she can give you children… Then I could not wish for anything else.”

How humbled Thorin felt just then, looking in the eyes of a boy that hadn’t seen half of the horrors he had. If Thorin could, he would keep it that way. He wanted his nephews to grow safer and happier than he had. He wanted them to never know hunger or fear or war.

It was not a life he could realistically give them, but at times like this, he could see the man that Fíli would become. And even though the merit wasn’t his, he couldn’t be prouder of his nephew.

“You are a good dwarf, Fíli.” He squeezed his shoulder in approval. “And our people would be in good hands with you.”

When the boy turned his head to hide his happy tears, Thorin let him.

***

“Out with it, Balin.” Bell demanded. “Let us hear it.”

The older dwarf’s eyebrows went up. “Mistress Baggins?”

“We both know you have something to say to me.” She put her hands on her waist. “So?”

He chuckled softly. “Mahal himself could not have made you more suited to our King.” When she only narrowed her eyes at him, Balin put his hands up in surrender. “I worry that you might be under the impression that I do not wish to see you as our Queen.”

That made Bell relax completely. “Oh. That? No, I do not think that.”

Balin frowned. “No?”

“No.” She made a dismissive gesture with her hand. “I was upset when we previously discussed this, but - if I am to be honest - I was more upset at myself. I knew you were not suggesting I was wrong for Thorin.”

“Oh.” Balin hadn’t expected this conversation to go this easy. “Well, I am glad to hear it. I have always liked you, Mistress Baggins. Knowing that you will be with us all the way to the mountain and beyond it… It makes my old heart lighter.”

“Oh you silly old dwarves.” She smiled at him. Bell came closer to Balin. “I understand what you were concerned about, Balin. You were not wrong: I was not ready and I was scared.” She captured his big hands with hers. “But I am not anymore. I will be here by Thorin’s side. It does not matter what happens.”

Balin smiled fondly at her. “Ah lass… You are a true blessing. Not only for him - and Thorin deserves some happiness in this life - but to all of us.” He brought her hands to him and kissed both of them. “A true treasure among all treasures.”

[spectacled-renegade-writes]

An Early Start - Chapter 4 - Danny Phantom

Ao3: Here | Chapter 1: Here

Ao3 Description: The accident that turns Danny half-ghost happens when he is four years old and leaves him trapped in the Ghost Zone. Clockwork finds him and takes him in to raise. But what happens when Clockwork sends Danny back to the human-world ten years later when a permanent portal appears?

Chapter 4:

Danny didn’t know when it happened but at some point, he stopped thinking of himself as a human that was part ghost, and instead thought of himself as a ghost that was part human. Maybe it was living in the Ghost Zone, but being a ghost just felt much more comfortable. He no longer feared this part of himself but instead embraced it. He embraced all of it. Around the time Danny realized he started thinking of himself as a ghost was around the same time the Ghost Zone began to feel like home. A lot happened in that time.

Once Danny learned to control his powers, Clockwork began to pass on the rest of his knowledge. He sat with Danny at the top of his tower, overlooking the Ghost Zone, and asked, “What would you like to learn today?”

The possibilities were overwhelming, endless. Danny couldn’t possibly begin to decide. So Danny replied, “Everything.”

So, that’s exactly what Clockwork did. He began simple. Danny was four. Clockwork taught him how to read.

It wasn’t until they began the speaking portion of it, verbally sounding out the letters, that Danny began to struggle, and he couldn’t understand why. Clockwork saw his frustration begin to grow but remained patient, even at the point when Danny threw his book across the room with a growl.

“Danny.” Clockwork stated calmly.

“I hate this!” Danny yelled. “I wanna learn something different!”

“Danny,” Clockwork repeated evenly. “I have taught you to read, so we may begin to learn something new if you’d like. However, I must ask, are you aware of why you find yourself struggling with the spoken portion of this lesson?”

Danny crossed his arms. “Because I’m dumb.”

“No,” Clockwork shook his head. He glided over to the far side of the room and picked up the book Danny threw. “It is because you have not used your human voice in six months.” Clockwork waited patiently for a response but when he received none, he turned back around. There Danny stood, his crossed arms gone a bit slack.

“But…” Danny swallowed. “I… talk to you every day.”

“Indeed, you do.” Clockwork agreed. “However, the language you speak is the language of ghosts. Before this lesson I often wondered if you were even aware you were doing it.”

Danny readjusted his arms so they were holding himself instead. “I’m speaking a different language?”

“You are.” Clockwork confirmed.

“But… I don’t feel like I am.”

Clockwork floated to him and handed back the book. “The language you have been using is called Ghost Speak. It is a language every ghost innately knows, and naturally speaks. Ghost Speak does not require the use of vocal cords, the part of your body used for human communication, so they have become deteriorated from disuse. To speak a human language, a ghost must think consciously to do it.

“You, however, are a special case." Clockwork continued. "Since you are half human, you still need your vocal cords in ways that full ghosts don’t. Unless you practice, you will lose the use of your vocal cords permanently.”

Danny thought about this. He could talk to Clockwork and the other ghosts he’s met just fine, and if he’s stuck here, he didn’t see much of a point if he's never going to use it again anyway. This is his home now and he is the only human in his new home. He looked up at Clockwork and said, “I want to learn something new.”

“As you wish,” Clockwork replied.

Danny began to learn many things. History, science, mathematics, music… the list was as truly endless as the depth of knowledge Clockwork carried. But, it was a long time before Danny touched language again. However one day, a while later, after Danny’s frustrations were long since forgotten, Clockwork sat Danny down for another lesson and said, “You know, little one, if you are interested, humans also have languages of their own which do not require vocal cords.”

Danny perked up. “How?”

Clockwork smiled and held up his hands. “Clever, humans are, they call it sign language. They speak with their hands for those who cannot hear.”

Danny’s eyes sparkled, he didn’t know such a thing could exist. “Teach me.” He said. “Please.”

So, Clockwork did.

-

As Danny grew, and his personality began to form, he became increasingly lonely. The Ghost Zone was lonely. Through the years, he tried many a time to make friends with the numerous ghosts he encountered, but every attempt was all for naught.

After his first encounter with Skulker, word spread quickly through the Ghost Zone that the young halfa was the ward of Clockwork. No one who knew this wanted to be near him, and everyone knew it. They were afraid of him. They feared potentially upsetting Danny and by virtue, Clockwork, and no one wanted to face Clockwork's wrath.

So, Danny remained lonely, and spent most of his free time in the library of the Ghost Writer, one of the few ghosts with whom he had a pleasant relationship with, yet wouldn't go so far as to call it a friendship, and spent his time with a book in his lap and a comfortable seat to sit in. Danny accepted this, and thought it was okay, because the books he read gave him plenty of company. He didn’t let himself think too hard on it.

-

When Danny was six he began to shiver. It started suddenly one morning while he practiced tying knots, yet another piece of knowledge currently being taught to him by Clockwork. The rope slipped from his grasp and he clutched his arms. It was the first time since being in the Ghost Zone that he felt cold. Danny tried to coat his body in a layer of charged ectoplasm to warm himself up but not even that would work. He was home alone and didn’t know what to do, so all he could do was await Clockwork’s return.

-

Return Clockwork did, finding Danny curled up on the floor, rolled up in a spare cloak, desperately shivering from head to toe. The poor boy's skin was blue and he was covered in a layer of ice. Clockwork knew this day would come, however there were so many days it possibly could've been, there was no way of knowing which it would turn out to be, a factor not even Clockwork could deduce. So, he scooped the boy in his arms and headed out.

-

When Danny came to, he was finally warm, and… floating in liquid. He looked around and was greeted face to face with a large, fuzzy Yeti. “U-um…” Danny stammered. He raised a timid hand. “Hello.”

The Yeti split into a wide grin upon seeing Danny’s awakening. “Why, greetings, young one! It is most pleasant to make your acquaintance. I have heard much about you and have been eagerly expecting your arrival!”

Danny looked down at himself. “Where am I? Who are you?”

“All excellent questions!” The Yeti replied. Danny liked how chipper he seemed. “My name is Frostbite and you are in the Far Frozen! You are currently in a de-icing chamber. Clockwork brought you to us after he found you nearly frozen into a coma.”

Danny looked around. “Clockwork? Where is he?”

“Not to worry young one,” Frostbite replied. “He had some business to attend to but I assure you, you are in very good hands. He has tasked us with helping you learn to control your new power!”

Truthfully, Danny didn’t understand what was going on. One minute he’s at the tower tying knots, then the next, he’s in this strange place and a Yeti is telling him he has a new power. The Yeti must have seen the confusion on the poor boy���s face because he smiled gently and elaborated. “Do you recall yourself shivering?”

Yes, actually. Now that Danny could think more clearly, yes. He did remember. Danny nodded.

Frostbite smiled and directed Danny to a screen on the wall of the icy cave they were in. It had a diagram of Danny with a glowing, blue light in his chest. “Your central core reading indicates extreme cold, as if your body is self-generating it.”

Danny tilted his head. “I… don’t understand.”

“Ah, yes, young one,” Frostbite nodded sheepishly. He seemed to forget how young Danny was for a moment; even one as educated as Danny was still but a child. “To put it simply, you have the power of cold, of ice.” Danny’s eyes widened with wonder. “It is an ability that has been building within you for a long time, let out only little by little.”

“Little by little?”

Frostbite nodded. “You have an ability, do you not? Of sensing the presence of a ghost which draws near. That bit of fog that escapes your mouth has been a part of this ability from the start.”

From the start? Danny’s “ghost sense”, as Clockwork had helped him name it, was a constant and ever present part of his life since his arrival in the Ghost Zone. At first he found its frequency annoying but he’s long learned to accept it. This whole time… it was a part of an even bigger power?

“Will you teach me?” Danny asked.

“That is precisely why are you here, young one.” Frostbite chuckled. “New it may be to you, this power is one very familiar with my people. I have been awaiting this day since your arrival to this realm.”

“Since… my arrival? The first day?”

“Yes,” Frostbite confirmed. “I sensed an immense power appear quite suddenly two years ago. It wasn’t long after that Clockwork came to me and explained its source, and that I was the one destined to teach you to control it.”

Danny thought about this. Clockwork knew everything, a fact Danny has known for a long time now. He also knew why there were some things Clockwork didn’t tell him, how his life force was not built with the capacity to handle all the knowledge in the universe the way Clockwork’s is. But this… surely Clockwork could have told him about this? “How come Clockwork never told me?”

“I am sure he has his reasons,” Frostbite answered. “He is a very powerful and ancient ghost, and never does something without reason.”

Danny nodded absently at that. “I think I feel better enough to practice now.” He said.

“I believe you are,” Frostbite agreed. “Let us get you out of that chamber and begin your lessons then."

-

Danny did not see Clockwork for a week. It was by far the longest he’s gone without seeing him since his arrival in this world. But he was left in good hands. Every day Frostbite would come get him at the crack of dawn and the two of them would spend the whole day training. It was even more intimidating with the rest of the residents of the Far Frozen watching, and Danny felt bad whenever he slipped up and hurt someone, but Frostbite always encouraged him to keep going.

Danny learned to control this new power. In a weird way he felt a sense of warmth in this new cold. Not a literal warmth but… a comforting warmth. It wrapped around him like a blanket and provided a sense of calm, a calm like a quiet morning after a fresh overnight snowfall. When Clockwork came to pick him up, Danny smiled and waved at Frostbite. Then, after a moment of hesitation, reached forward and hugged him. Frostbite was the first real friend Danny’s made in the Ghost Zone since his arrival, besides Clockwork of course, and he couldn't be more grateful. “Thank you,” He smiled up at him. “So much.”

Frostbite felt honored as he hugged the child back. “You are welcome here any time, young one.”

Danny smiled one last time at Frostbite as he took Clockwork’s hand, and the two of them left.

[arcaneroses]

tighnari taking care of sick reader?

Tighnari x Gn! Reader

In sickness and health

Part two to Helping the helping hand

a/n: hell YES my brother, i had planned a sequel to my earlier fic to be a sick fic (don't judge I love me some comfort) sooo this is also a sequel sorry!! I think this can be seen as separate but if you guys want another sick fic about him that is not a sequel pls do tell!!

Tighnari pressed the palm of his hand gently on your forehead, you cracked your eyes slightly open; "Tighnari?" Your voice only a whisper in the dead of night, even though it was dark you felt like you saw everything so clearly. Tighnari laughed, not his usual laugh which he normally tried to suppress, but the one where he just sounded so free, cured of any anxieties that plagued him. And in turn curing yours. You just stared at the man standing there, his face closer to yours than ever before. You feel your throat closing when Tighnari's eyes lowered to look at your lips with intent and he-

With a quick gasp of air, you jump out rather unceremoniously. Like a fish out of water you fall out of bed, realizing rather quickly by the morning sun and no Tighnari in sight, that it had been just a dream.

It had felt so real, why did your brain love to torture you like this?

It had been a month when you officially realized your..feelings for the cute forest ranger. And yeah, maybe you do deal with feelings with methods people usually don't really recommend.

Like totally ignoring them and the source of those feelings until they go away. But then he actually noticed it and talked to you about it..you can already feel your cheeks heating up at the memory of Tighnari sitting across from you and looking at you with those big concerned eyes of his and his tail and ears looked so-

Yeah, that didn't help at all.

Maybe a solo patrol around the rainforest would help you clear your head, the sun was low enough that you knew no one else would be awake enough to stop you and nag you about proper forest ranger regulations.

First you just needed to get out of the blanket burrito on the floor.

You spend your day going over what you can of the forest ground, trying to not lose too much sight of the path but occasionally the scent of danger leading you astray.

The last hours of light soon ending you decide to start making your way back, but of course something catches your eye.

You crouch over to study a oddly colored leaf, noting it's condition after being cleansed of the corruption in that area. After a minute of note taking you first feel it, a drop of water. Which isn't really unusual in a rainforest, so you let it slip your mind.

Only fifteen minutes later, drenched in cold pouring rain you wish you would've taken the hint earlier.

"Let go of me you damned mud-!" You grunt, tugging your sunken leg out of the sinking ground. Only for it to be halfway swallowed once again as you try to step away.

Okay, no stress at ALL.

You realize you are freezing up in panic, one of the worst things you could do in this situation.

You try to remember what they said in training, if not now then when?

"Try to find an unmovable object and keep yourself from sinking with it!" You remember, the memory feeling fresh in your mind.

You start quickly scanning the area for any kind of bigger rocks or sturdy enough looking branches. The pouring rain makes it hard, it's like Celestia decided to dump a big ol' water bucket on top of the rainforest.

"There!" You mumble victoriously, spotting a midsized rock only at armsleght away from you. You reach and pull your body towards it, sighing in relief when finally making contact with the hard curved surface.

Shivering, you look at the sky one last time before laying the upper half of your body on the rock.

What next? Well, you pass out.

.

.

.

For archons know how long, you slip in and out of consciousness only seeing and hearing flashes of people.

"Master! I've brought the-"

"Y/n you are such a dumba-"

"I lo-"

"Please wake up."

You wake up feeling like you were beaten up and thrown into a ice river in a tight bodybag, absolutely shitty.

You see a familiarly colored blob standing a few meters away from you, you reach out your shaking hand and suddenly start coughing blemish all over yourself.

You try to place your hand over your mouth but in your delirious state just end up slapping yourself.

"Hey, hey, take it easy. Let's just rest, okay?" A comforting voice(So familiar! Is it Tighnari?) reaches out to you, the blob suddenly right next to you. Comforted by its presence, your mind falls into the darkness once more.

You are bundled up in light blankets, with lots of pillows on the bed. Looking around you realize you are situated at the infirmary. With a sigh you rub your eyes, "Didn’t know I was such a V.I.P patient.." You rasp out, voice quieter than you intended, honestly suprising yourself with how sore your throat feels.

"Y/n? You're awake? Oh that is great, I'll go tell master!" Collei's voice could be heard trough the room, you crane your neck to see a swish of green exiting the infirmary in a hurry.

Huh, you hadn't realized there was anyone here.

Your brain is still too slow to connect the dots, and when you do it is too late to start thinking of a plan.

Tighnari’s here.

You stare, not knowing what to say. "How are you feeling? Is the fever still there or has someone taken your tongue?" Tighnari decides to break the silence, even though he jokes with you. You can feel that he is mad.

"Uh, I'm fine." You manage to speak out, you cringe a little at how your voice cracks at the end.

"Fine? Hm, that is good. Were you also fine when you snuck out like a rebellious teenager and got yourself sick for a week?"

"Well-"

"No I don't want to hear it. Y/n, how stupid can you be? Even without the rainstorm the forest is dangerous enough on it's own! Do you know what we saw when we finally found you? Your body halway submerged, right next to a zone that was only recently cleansed. You looked awful. You-..You looked like a corpse, Y/n. It was like a nightmare, Y/n I thought-" Tighnari grips the helm of his shirt, breathing heavily. It seemed like he had kept this inside him for a while and now it was all coming out.

"Sorry." You whisper, "I didn't mean to make anyone worry." You continue, but are interrupted by a harsh coughing fit. Tighnari seems to come back to reality at that, and pulls from the shelf a small purple bottle with some kind of liquid inside.

Stepping near your bed, sinking himself on one knee. Tighnaris ears switch when your cough stops, you wish you could read his thoughts. "Here, this should help." Tighnari pours the liquid on a spoon, holding it in front of your lips.

Your face flushes from embarrassment. "I can-" You begin protesting, but as soon as you get your mouth open the spoon is forced inside.

"Phyh! Ew.." One of the worst tastes you've ever tasted.

Tighnari, the head of the forest rangers and a well known scholar, fucking smirks at your pain. "Haah, maybe I can forgive you someday if I get to see you suffer like this a few more times more."

"How many times?" You ask skeptically.

"Like, a hundred. So..ninety-nine to go."

"You sadistic bastard." You whisper and slap his arm playfully, glad that Tighnari apparently decided you're too sick to get anymore of his judgment.

"You know Y/n, I wanted to give you a present actually."

"A suprise present? Aww Tighnari! What is it?" You smirk, thinking he was being sarcastic.

"Shh,” he hushes, “you’ll see.”

You can’t help but smile at him, feeling some of the weight in your chest lighten.

He holds out his hand, urging you silently to place your hand on his palm. And when you do you feel a sudden burst of energy and a tingling under your palm, a quiet giggle bubbles up from you. Tighnari’s eyes light up at the sound.

You lift your hand from his, and see a beatiful pink camellia, a foreign flower you've only seen in textbooks before.

"It's so pretty..but why?" You ask, voice nasally, sounding out of breath even though you are just laying down. You raised your voice out of a whisper, wanting to make sure he heard you.

"Well, you know that I do not care for flowers more than other parts of nature. But did you know that they actually carry out different meanings? I thought that was very interesting." Tighnari smiles and places the camellia on the stool next to his, your eyes resting between looking at him and the flower.

"This isn't probably the most, uh, romantic time to do this." He scratches the behind of his ear, "But Y/n, I." Tighnaris tail stops moving, you can feel the unusual nervousness radiating off of him.

"The camellia means love..longing, right?" You remember and raise an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, that is why I gave it to you."

You and him both look at each other for a moment, his usually pale face red. You feel the same kind of warmth.

"You..?" A million thoughts race through your head.

"You know, I wanted to actually do this for a long time. But uh, it was never a good time. And I guess this isn't a great time either, but I had to. Seeing you..like that. I guess something in me snapped, I just thought that the future is so uncertain that I just had to let you know. Even if you don't feel the same way, I had to do this."

"I do feel the same way!" You grasp his hand in yours, feeling your heart burst with happiness.

Tighnari looks like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, "Then, can I kiss you?"

"Aren't I like infectious? Not that I mind doing that but I think the others would kick my ass if I got you sick."

"No, it's okay. You're past that part."

"Okay then. Let's go for it."

He cringes, you cringe. Like two kids still afraid of cooties.

Tighnari is gentle when he takes hold of your face, tilting it up to meet his eyes so that he can kiss you. At first it’s innocent, shallow, but then the distance is gone and your hands are in his hair, sliding down his arms.

“Fucking hell,” he exhales, foreheads pressed together. “I don’t know how I’ve survived without this for as long as I've done.”

"Me neither."

And you both smile, even if that moment is actually short, it is like a lifetime to you both.

"You do know that you're not going to be allowed to do any forest ranger duties for a long while right?"

"You are lucky that I love you Tighnari."

"The same goes for you Y/n."

+a little sketch of the cutest dendro dude made by yours truly (me!)

[sorcessworld]

How to 'Feel It Real'

I had a spiral when I wrote this in my journal. That would've been a few days ago I think, possibly last year. I started to overcomplicate the idea of feeling it real and wondered if I was vainly affirmation etc. Luckily, as soon as I commanded myself that I'd receive some guidance/help on this, I got 1) a lecture of Neville's on youtube (I don't search manifesting stuff on that acc so I wasn't prepped for that lmao) 2) a quote on my dash that really helped me see my way, 3) the same person I helped a long time ago reminding me of my own words back when I didn't keep a journal. and 4) @sexyandhedonistic taking the time to share how she approached it from her beginner stages as I had gone ahead and asked on her ask blog! Again, thank you Hera!

1. What is 'Feeling It Real'.

According to Neville; FEELING IT REAL is the acceptance of the desire fulfilled. It is a feeling of thankfulness that it is done. Once you accept that thankfulness, you persist in this & knowing it is done. That's it. So really, KNOWING IT REAL is what you should try doing as you could not feel thankful if you didn't know it was done.

“When I speak of feeling I do not mean emotion, but acceptance of the fact that the desire is fulfilled. Feeling grateful, fulfilled, or thankful, it is easy to say, “Thank You,” “Isn’t it wonderful!” or “It is finished.” When you get into the state of thankfulness, you can either awaken knowing it is done or fall asleep in the feeling of the wish fulfilled.” – Neville Goddard,

2. How do you accept the feeling?

Someone asked me this a long time ago, actually. I forgot all about it since they were just asking for my understanding of the 4D and the 3D. Of course, I didn't apply it and ended up losing it. Either way, I explained it like this:

“That adrenaline you feel when you first think of having something is the moment your 4D processed it and got it. The feeling tends to fizzle into something more 'default', and if left alone, your 3D produces it. But I've learned this process isn't automatic if you're not thinking like that. Your 4D accepts everything and gets it, but your conscious self in the 3D? You also have to accept what it is about to give you.” – golden,

Breaking this down, I'd say: To accept the feeling, you've got to consciously accept that your subconscious has already manifested it for you. Your subconscious mind answers yes to everything, but you are the filter.

Okay, that's great and all, but does that help with knowing, specifically, so that you can feel? Yes, it does, but first. You've got to look at why you don't know. Why it's hard for you to know. What are the invisible truths of this world that you don't see, ever, but you know? If there are things you've never gone up in a lab and see, but it makes sense to you: the problem isn't necessarily that you're a logical thinker. You're simply not giving yourself the approval to believe in what you're reading. Your limiting belief may be that it's too good to be true, or that people or even Neville, Florence, Joseph etc. are simply lying to make a few bucks off a few suckers. That is why you don't know.

And yet, you stay and consume, more and more because you want to believe. A desire is a reality waiting to be fulfilled. Stop trying to manifest, start reading what you SHOULD be reading (so many loa accs recommend again and again what to look for just search their blog seriously don't be that person) and give yourself the chance to believe, then APPLY.

3. How do you persist in the feeling?

As Neville said, you would look away from your current limits and put your attention chiefly on what you desire to have/be. In your imagination/attention, claim that thing which you desired as yours. This would not be all you do with yourself though, as you are now thinking from the end. I stg that link is very important. Use it.

For example: 1. So, now you've manifested your SP always answering your messages with what you want to see.

2. Instead of constantly seeing your message left on read, you would remind yourself that your SP always blows up your phone (however you like, visualise, affirm or whatever).

3. Now LET IT GO. You would not entertain any thought that challenges this (it's okay if you do but don't dwell on it, but let it go.) But you wouldn't hyperfixate on this itty bitty affirmation omg. Do you have any hobbies? Homework, plans to go out, exercise, go fucking live, please. (that came off aggressively but it's true, we often forget to live our beautiful lives. If you don't think your life isn't beautiful in ANY capacity, please work on your self-concept. Even if your life is shitty, the fact that you are changing and you know it will change for the better is BEAUTIFUL.)

One thing I like to do IF I'm visualizing is treat visualization like I'm bilocating, and try to feel all my imaginary senses, then go live out what I want until I'm satisfied. I also love listening to music, so I might have a playlist that deeply connects to what I want, kind of like a vision board, but auditory. I've got a self-concept on yt since I listen to a lot of mashups, when it's bigger I'll drop it.

4. Hera's tip.

I messaged her on her ask blog, and I told her: I struggle w vanity/belief because I feel like I'm 'outside' of my manifestation when I'm manifesting it. Kind of like an imposter or like I'm behind a glass wall and looking in. Even when it feels satisfying/good.

She responded with this: What really put it into perspective for me was both reading Neville and reading success stories. When I first started off, I struggled a lot with doubt and I often questioned whether the law was real or not because it felt too good to be true. Sometimes I felt just a tiny little bit phony and fraudulent because I had so many questions and had yet to spot the changes in my life.

My CURIOSITY and FAITH in the law felt a little risky at first but it’s what got me through. PERSISTENCE is key. I didn’t give up and I made sure to learn about the law of assumption every day. The more I read Neville and how he explained the principles of the law the more I understood and grew comfortable with it. It cleared up so many of my doubts and the success stories of his students reminded me that I, too, could do all of that and more.

I was also reading the success stories Angel was receiving daily from her followers which only motivated me more and more.

WHAT WORKED BEST FOR ME was to constantly immerse myself in Neville’s teachings daily because when I was inconsistent I tended to go back to square one and feel indifferent and not that powerful.

I've since started listening to Neville in the morning and reading success stories when I have free time. I've persisted in learning about the Law and I'm beginning to cultivate my belief so I can avoid this kind of spiral. It's honestly worked wonders for me and I've already manifested something I considered big when I first started doing this.

– golden, 🌈

[passionfruitbowls]

a shoulder to lean on

After the shocking discovery of Hawkmoth’s true identity, only one person can offer Adrien the support he needs.

rated: t | pairing(s): ladrien with a dash of ladynoir | word count: 1.4k

read on ao3

—————

When Adrien regains consciousness, and once the incessant ringing in his ears has died down, the first thing he hears is sirens. The sound is muffled thanks to the closed doors of the ambulance he’s currently sitting in, but he still wishes that they would stop. He glances around the room, then tries to breathe in and out slowly, desperate to take his mind off everything that’s happened in the past few hours. 

This time yesterday he’d been sitting on a rooftop with Ladybug by his side - something he normally loved doing, since neither of them had anywhere else to be and it gave them a rare moment of peace. They could talk about how their day had been (provided that they didn’t say anything too revealing), comfort each other if they needed some support and do all kinds of silly things together. Tickle fights, ranking every Gabriel Agreste design by ugliness (his idea), seeing who could get to the Eiffel Tower the quickest (Ladybug’s idea - she won by a long shot too, but he didn't mind). Sometimes it was the only thing that kept Adrien going, particularly on those days when his schedule was jam packed and his time with his school friends had been cut short. The days when he never saw his father at all. 

Adrien lets out a quiet, bitter chuckle, fighting back tears. His stomach churns as he thinks about what Gabriel had actually been doing all those times he claimed he was busy with work: he was waiting, alone, in a dimly lit lair for someone to have a stroke of bad luck, or lose their temper, or become upset, someone worthy of being akumatized. All that suffering, just so he could change the past and bring back his wife with little regard for what she actually wanted or what Adrien, their son, wanted. 

How many close calls had there been? Could Adrien have put an end to all of this sooner if he hadn’t been so caught up in his own problems, if he had watched his father more closely, hung back for a few more seconds when listening in on his conversations behind closed doors? The guilt and the what-ifs continue to eat away at Adrien until the world around him ceases to exist. He feels alone, stranded. The only thing that’s familiar is Plagg, who sits quietly on Adrien’s shoulder, unsure of what to say. 

Suddenly they hear someone opening the back door of the ambulance; Adrien flinches, clutches the blanket that’s been draped over his shoulders and stares down at the floor. He can’t bring himself to look whoever it is in the eye. It’s probably a police officer, and they’re bound to have questions for him. The mystery person slams the door shut, making Adrien jump, and hurries over to where he’s sitting. He starts to feel faint, so he closes his eyes in the hope that he won’t pass out again. 

“Adrien…are you okay?”

He gasps softly - he knows that voice, he would recognise it anywhere. 

Sure enough, when Adrien has the confidence to open his eyes he sees Ladybug kneeling in front of him, with a look of concern on her face. 

Realising that he hasn’t answered her question, Adrien nods slowly before reaching out and gently taking her hand in his. 

“I think…yeah, I think I’m feeling a little bit better.” He says, his voice hoarse from crying. A part of him wishes that his answer could be Yes, now that you’re here, but this doesn’t feel like the time to be affectionate. Ladybug probably won’t want anything to do with him after today anyway. 

For a minute or two they’re both quiet, until eventually Ladybug decides to sit down next to him, nodding in Plagg’s direction to let him know that he can stay. Adrien spends what feels like an eternity searching for the right thing to say to her, but all he can come up with is a quiet, shaky laugh. 

Glancing over at Ladybug, he notices that the worried expression on her face hasn’t gone away, and that she never seems to take her eyes off him. She carefully observes every little movement he makes, as if she wants to say or do something but just can’t, while twirling a strand of her hair between her fingers. She must be nervous, Adrien figures, and he doesn’t blame her. Who wouldn’t be nervous sitting alone in a vehicle with the son of a terrorist? 

To his surprise, she’s the one who breaks the silence. 

“So…what’s going to happen now?” 

The tremor in Ladybug’s voice tells Adrien everything he needs to know: she’s just as afraid and unsure as he is, so he gives her an honest answer. 

“I have no idea.” 

She sighs, then squeezes his hand a little tighter. He doesn’t want things to become awkward again, and the instinct to try and be humorous gets the better of him. 

“The media sure are a t-tough crowd, huh? They’ve been gathering outside the mansion all night…” 

Adrien’s voice trails off as he thinks back to the moment when he first stepped outside. He was transformed then, with Ladybug by his side, and although they both smiled and waved at the flashing cameras, on the inside he was distraught. His life was falling apart and none of these people cared. The worst part? He couldn’t even ask someone for help, couldn’t reveal his identity without dooming himself to a lifetime of angry glares, sympathetic looks and whispers behind his back, because who in their right mind would listen to the son of a terrorist? 

Suddenly Adrien’s memory takes him back even further, to the moment when he first saw his mother in the crypt beneath the mansion. She looked serene and unsettling at the same time, a porcelain doll in a glass container. Defeating Gabriel (it hurts now, calling him Father) had already taken its toll, so the sight of his mother broke him. Adrien remembers the way he fell to his knees, his sobs racking his body, and how Ladybug quietly held him in her arms, never questioning and never scolding. 

“Adrien, you’re crying. What is it?” 

The sound of her voice brings him back to the present, and he’s suddenly very aware of the tears in his eyes. 

“Nothing, I’ve n-never been better…” 

There’s no point in arguing, though, since Ladybug is already brushing his hair out of his eyes and reassuring him. 

“Shhh, hey, listen… it’s not your fault, Chaton, none of this is. I’m here…” 

Her voice is barely a whisper, yet it feels like Adrien’s heart, his mind, his entire body has been set alight because of it. He’s always felt this peculiar sensation when he’s with Ladybug, and right now he wouldn’t trade it, or her, for the world. Casting any doubts out of his mind, he pulls her in for a hug and gently wraps his arms around her. He hears her gasp in surprise, but she quickly reciprocates it. 

For a few minutes they stay like that, slowly rocking back and forth as Adrien’s breathing evens out. When they finally break apart, Ladybug goes one step further, planting a kiss on Adrien’s forehead. He can’t help but smile at the blush which then forms on her cheeks.

“I…I want you- I mean, I want to see you again soon!” Ladybug stammers, clasping her hands together. 

Adrien’s eyes widen, and he nods slowly while watching Ladybug get up from her seat. 

“Okay…how soon?” 

She stops and thinks for a moment, then snaps her fingers like she’s just had the best idea ever.

“New Year’s Eve!” 

“Whereabouts?” 

“Uhh- the, uhhh…Eiffel Tower! You know, our usual spot?” 

“Well yes, but-” 

“Sounds great! In that case, it’s settled!” 

“Ladybug…” Adrien begins, placing a hand on her shoulder, “why exactly do you want us to meet there?” 

Ladybug stares at him for a moment, and just when he starts to worry that he’s gone too far, she smiles with a familiar gleam in her eye. It tells Adrien that she’s got a plan, and that it’s bound to be a good one. 

“I want to tell you who I am.” She says, cupping his cheeks one last time and giving him a second kiss on his nose. 

A sudden knock on the ambulance door and someone calling Ladybug’s name interrupts them, but Adrien doesn’t mind (mostly). He smiles at her one last time before she waves goodbye and steps outside - a different, happier smile than the feeble one he’d given her when she first came in. There are still a lot of things that he needs to deal with, but now Adrien can do it with a renewed sense of hope and love.

[onceuponastory]

normal - steve kemp x reader: chapter ten (FINALE): begin again

“Yeah I know I went and left you all alone Please don't think that I let you go I'll never let go.” “Cause I could touch a hundred thousand souls But none of them would ever feel like home And no matter how far and wide I roam You're the only one I'll ever know.” - anyone else by pvris

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Steve Kemp x Female!Reader Chapter Warnings: As always, 18+ ONLY PLEASE. This chapter has mentions of death, murder, stabbing, cannibalism, serial killers, kidnapping, a lot of blood, and graphic descriptions of violence and injuries. Also mentions of reader’s trauma and PTSD after everything she’s been through, and her survivors guilt. And of course, Steve Kemp and Nick Fowler, because those two are warnings all on their own, let alone together. As always, if I miss any triggers, please let me know. Notes: Well, here it is. The final chapter of Normal. I’m going to make a big post about it ending later, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you SO MUCH for reading and loving this story as much as you all have. I appreciate every note and comment so much. This chapter is not beta’d, so any mistakes are my own.

Lying on the floor, Y/N listens as the sirens sound and as the blood continues to flow from her side. She presses her hand to the wound, trying to stop the flow, but it only adds to the pain. Biting her lip, Y/N hisses as she tries to hold back her cries of pain. Lying back, she wonders where Steve is now. Hopefully, he’s safe. Even though now she wishes she went with him. The sound of the sirens gradually grows louder and louder until she realises they’re outside. Sighing, Y/N braces herself. Because once those doors open, everything changes. And this time, she doesn't know how she'll survive it on her own. 

The door soon bursts open, and she hears voices shouting. “FBI, hands in the air!” Y/N lifts her hands, even though doing so sends more pain throughout her body. Rapidly, footsteps approach her.

“I’m FBI Agent Y/N Y/L/N. Please don’t shoot.” She mumbles.

“Y/N! Oh god. What happened to you?” A familiar voice, that of her boss, sounds. “Hey, we need an ambulance over here!” He bends down, studying her bloody and bruised body. “Shit.” He murmurs, taking off his jacket and holding it against her side to stop the bleeding. “Y/N, where’s Kemp? Is he still here?” He asks. Y/N’s eyes fill with tears before she can even stop them. 

“I don’t know.” She sniffles, and her boss sighs.

“It’s okay. You’re safe now. Don’t worry about him. He can’t hurt you anymore.” If only she could tell them the truth about how truly kind Steve was to her, and how he defended her against Nick. Maybe then, things would be different. But nobody would believe her anyway. Once again, her thoughts drift to Steve and the times they spent together. They were so happy, so free. And now, she doesn’t know if she’ll ever see him again.

“Sir, there’s one body over here. It’s Fowler.” A voice sounds, cutting through her thoughts. Immediately, Y/N gasps. 

“Sir, it was Nick. The killings, everything, it was all-” she exclaims, hoping they believe her and that she’s not sent to prison on a murder charge. To her surprise, though, a look of shame crosses her boss’ expression, and he nods.

“Don’t waste your strength. It’s alright. We know.” Y/N breathes a sigh of relief. “Well done, kid. You solved the case after all.” Even though Y/N can feel herself starting to lose consciousness, a small smile crosses her lips.

“I did, didn’t I?” she murmurs.

“We better get you out of here. It looks like you’re about to end up the same way as Nick.” The sound of sirens fills the air again, and her boss breathes a sigh of relief. But Y/N can feel herself starting to slip away.

“I don’t want to die.” She whispers.

“And you won’t. I won’t let you.” Her boss promises. He looks over her body once again, swearing as he sees his jacket becoming increasingly more soaked with blood. “Where the fuck is that ambulance?!” He yells. “Come on Y/N, just stay awake for me, okay? Just hold on, please.” As Y/N’s eyes begin to drift shut, strangely, she feels oddly at peace. The nightmare is finally over. And at least she got to say goodbye to Steve. 

“You saved us both, and all those women. You did it. My beautiful Y/N.” His words echo in her mind as the doors open again, and as paramedics run up to her. And then, Y/N passes out.

Sometime later, Y/N wakes up. As her eyes take time to adjust to the bright lights of her new surroundings, she hears a voice.

“Thank fuck, she’s awake.” For a fleeting moment, in her daze, she hopes it’s Steve, risking his life and freedom to see her and make sure she’s safe. But as she realises that she’s in a hospital, she also realises that it’s not Steve beside her, just her boss. Her heart sinks, and she sighs sadly. She’s still alone. “Welcome back. You gave us all quite a scare.”

“What happened?” She frowns.

“Well, Fowler got you pretty badly in the side, but the doctors and nurses managed to patch you up. They said you’re a trooper. You’re on bedrest for the next few weeks.”

“No, I mean, how did you find me?”

“Well, you were right. Fowler was behind everything. He tried to hide the evidence, but one of his associates squealed and told us Nick went out to find you. He probably wanted to make sure Kemp killed you, and when he didn’t, he wanted to finish the job.” Y/N nods, trying to block out all the memories she has of Nick standing over her with a knife, that crazed look on his face. “There’s going to be an officer outside your door from now on, just in case Kemp comes back.” That means there’s no way for her to warn Steve, so if he comes back, he’ll be putting herself in danger. 

“Hopefully he doesn’t then.” She says, and her boss laughs.

“Well, you got lucky the first time with him, so hopefully your good luck continues.” Y/N suppresses a scoff. Luck? That’s not what she’d call it. “By the way, there are some journalists outside who want to speak to you.” Y/N frowns.

“Journalists? Plural? I thought there’d just be one reporter, if anything.” Her boss chuckles.

“Y/N, you got kidnapped by a serial killer, and stopped another's reign of terror all on your own. You’re in pretty high demand, kid.” Y/N feels her cheeks heating up.

“Oh, right.” How could she be so naive? Of course, after going through what she did, newspapers would be interested in her. She fidgets nervously in her bed, and she bites the skin around her thumb. She’s not used to having so much attention on her. She’s given a few interviews before, but definitely not on this big a scale, or with her as the subject of the story. And she’s definitely not faced it all on her own. 

“If you want, I can send them away.” Her boss offers, obviously noticing her discomfort. Sighing, she shakes her head.

“No, I’m going to have to deal with them eventually, aren’t I? Send them in.”

From that moment on, before she even leaves the hospital, Y/N’s life completely changes almost overnight. There are constant news and magazine interviews, all talking about how brave she was for going up against two cannibalistic serial killers, and not only that, but killing one of them before he could hurt anyone else. They ask her how she feels, knowing that it’s all over, and that she’s a hero. Even though she doesn’t feel much like a hero.

Her co-workers at the FBI even come to visit her too, gushing over and over about how she did such a great job and how they always trusted and believed in her. Honestly, Y/N’s glad she’s still on bedrest and attached to a drip when they come, because when they say those words to her after the hell and constant bullying they put her through, she almost punches them all. The higher ups at the FBI and CIA come to see her too, talking about how what she did will reflect on the agencies as a whole, and how much praise they’ll get for solving the case, completely ignoring how she did it on her own, with her own hard work, and almost died because of it.

Even her parents come to visit her, tears filling their eyes as they tell her how proud they are, and how much they love her. The same parents who, only a few months ago, barely acknowledged her or her job because it didn’t fit into their perfect lifestyle. Of course, deep down she’s glad to have some love from her parents again…it’s just tainted because it took her almost dying and being interviewed by almost every news and tv network around the world for her to be worthy of their pride and love. Then again, they always loved a headline.

And of course, even though everyone tells her it’s over and that they know Nick was responsible, there’s still plenty of police, FBI and CIA interviews. Those are her least favourite kinds of interviews. She didn't know how frightening it was to be on the other side of them. They all ask for her side of the story, the warning signs she saw with Nick, and the million dollar question: if she’s sure that she doesn’t know where Steve went. And in all honesty, she doesn’t. Even though she wants to know more than anything.

When she leaves the hospital, things only continue. For a while, she almost becomes America’s Sweetheart: the superhero who saved the country and its daughters from the darkness that was Nick Fowler. Yet, despite how glad she is that it’s all over, and with receiving so much praise, Y/N just wants it all to stop. She’s tired of having cameras shoved in her face wherever she goes, meaning she can’t live a normal life ever again. She’s not used to this newfound fame, and doesn’t think she ever will be. Not to mention how she’ll be tied to Nick Fowler and this awful thing that he did to her forever. And everyone just seems so…fake. They pretend to care about her physical and mental turmoil, but she knows they’re mostly just there to get clicks and engagement, and they couldn’t care less about what happens to her after this. They’re just chasing the next big story. And for a while, that’s what she’s going to be. This whole situation makes her miss Steve even more. He was the only one who was proud of her. Not because of how well she and her actions would reflect on him. He was actually proud of her. He actually loved her.

And now she’s all on her own, with no idea where he is or if he’s even alive. Her physical scars heal with time, but her emotional scars still stay. And so, the agency also provides her with a therapist to help her readjust to society. Her therapist is nice and all, but she just stares at her most of the time, expecting her to open up about all her trauma right away, when that’s the last thing she wants to do. Not that she can tell her therapist that, though. How else could she phrase that after being given the gift of survival and being hailed as a hero, she doesn’t want it? It makes her sound so ungrateful. 

All Y/N has to keep going is remembering the sweet nothings Steve whispered to her at every waking moment, hoping it’s enough to see her through the night without any nightmares of Nick standing over her with a knife. It never works. The nights are always the worst. When she wakes up, feeling or hearing the whisper of Steve’s voice, or his touch, and knowing it’s not real this time. That she can’t go back to see him and talk to him, and to stop this aching feeling in her chest. That’s what hurts the most. Having him ripped away so quickly from her.

Of course, she tries to find him herself. At least, she searches for him as much as she can before people get suspicious that either she’s not healing as well as she might be, or that her and Steve’s relationship goes far deeper than it seems. After convincing herself that Steve has kept a low enough profile for a while, Y/N even starts checking the news, waiting in case there’s any new bodies that turn up matching Steve’s MO. Because even though the thought still churns her stomach, she knows a cannibal like Steve has to survive somehow. By this point, Y/N’s sure that she knows Steve inside and out (including physically), so she’d be able to spot his work right away. 

When that doesn’t work, Y/N goes back to the cabin a few times, hoping that Steve is hiding out there, waiting for her to find him, or that he’s left her a clue. Naturally, her therapist thinks it’s a great idea, and sees it as a great way to confront what happened. Of course, Y/N didn’t tell her the real reason for her visit. When there’s still no sign of him, and the townspeople don’t know where he is either, it crushes her even more. 

The more time goes on without any word from Steve, not even a discreet note, Y/N starts to wonder if Steve has forgotten her after all. And even after being kidnapped, beaten and almost dying...the possibility that Steve doesn’t love her anymore hurts more than anything Y/N has been through.

“Mom, stop fussing over me, please!” Y/N moans, swatting away her mother’s hands as they try to fix her outfit and hair. 

“I’m sorry, darling. Your father and I just want to make sure you look good for your special night when you accept your award!” She insists. Tonight, Y/N gets an award for stopping Nick and closing the case for good. Y/N sighs. She’s still honoured to be appreciated, especially after all the pain and torment she went through. But she knows this ceremony will be full of press again, ready to plaster her face all over the newspapers and television screens once more. 

Y/N looks at herself in the mirror, staring at the fancy clothes adorning her body. She looks so…different. And she feels so uncomfortable and out of place. Thank fuck they’re not expecting a speech. She’s still too overwhelmed with everything going on with her life, and with trying to find Steve to even think straight. 

“Y/N, they’re ready for you.” Her father announces, and she nods. After her parents leave, Y/N takes a deep breath and walks out towards the stage. She peeks out at the crowd of people and journalists, all there to see her. Yet, even with such an enormous crowd of people there just to see her...Y/N’s never felt so lonely. If Steve was here, he’d be telling her how gorgeous she looks, and be unable to keep his hands off of her the entire time. If he was here, everything would be so much better. She wouldn’t have to go through this all on her own, without the one person who knows what she’s going through. The only person who matters to her. Maybe if she tried harder to find Steve, or went with him, then things would be different. Another shiver goes up her body then at the thought of Steve touching her, and Y/N tries desperately to not start crying.

But if he’s chosen a life without her, then she has to respect that. Even though that thought tears her up inside. Pushing away her thoughts of Steve, Y/N watches as the director of the FBI approaches the microphone.

“Hello ladies and gentlemen. Members of the press. Thank you all for being here as we honour Agent Y/N Y/L/N, who stopped Nick Fowler, the recent serial killer terrorising Portland, all on her own. And after being kidnapped by Steve Kemp too, another monster.” Y/N winces at his words. If only he knew that to her, Steve Kemp is the furthest thing from a monster. “Through her actions and dedicated hard work, Y/N exemplifies our values of strength and bravery. Which is why I’m honoured to call her an agent, and to give her this award. So please help me welcome her onto the stage.” And yet, Y/N stays rooted in her spot, too hesitant to go out in front of such a big crowd on her own.

So much for being a hero.

“Clearly, she’s not used to the spotlight.” The director chuckles, and further laughter ripples through the crowd. Y/N gulps, her uncomfortableness back in full force. Maybe it would be better if she ran.

“You’re a smart woman, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t let you share your thoughts.” Suddenly, Steve’s words echo in her mind again, cutting through her fears. “I’m proud of you.” 

At first, the sound of Steve’s voice makes her feel even more upset, especially since she still hasn’t heard anything from him. But then, Y/N realises that Steve, the one person who actually loves her, would want her to accept this award. So, taking a deep breath, Y/N walks out on stage.

As she does, the room erupts with the sound of cheering and the flashing of cameras. The sudden sound and brightness makes her wince as she approaches the director. He grasps her hand, shaking it tightly. “Well done.” He grins, passing over a small plaque to her. The cameras go off a few more times, and the applause starts again.

And then, thankfully, it’s over.

Later that night, as she makes the rounds greeting people and giving interviews, Y/N keeps glancing down at the award in her arms. It’s so small. She’s been through so much pain and trauma, including almost dying…and all she gets is a fucking tiny wooden plaque. Meanwhile, there’s no doubt her bosses are using this opportunity to improve their own careers, and she’ll soon be forgotten about again. She scans the room, noticing her co-workers looking at her. And she’ll soon be back to being a target for jokes and bullies by the same people praising her. Just another cog in the machine. 

“You know, you need a new job if this is how they treat you.” Steve’s words, some of the first he ever said to her, echo in her mind. Back then, she thought he was just saying them to get under her skin and play on her fear. Deep down, though, she knew he was right. And now, she’s finally going to take his advice. Because she loved her job at first, and will always be grateful to them for indirectly introducing her to Steve. Without him, her whole life wouldn’t have been turned upside down, and she probably would have died back in that church. Now though, she’s had enough, and she can’t do it anymore.

So a few days later, Y/N enters her office once more, and she packs everything up. Once she’s finished, Y/N goes to see her boss. “Why do I have a bad feeling about whatever you’re about to tell me?” He chuckles when he sees her. Y/N takes a deep breath.

“Sir, I’d like to hand in my resignation.” She passes over an envelope, which her boss studies. “I appreciate everything you’ve done, and all the opportunities I had. I just-”

“After what happened, you can’t do it anymore?” He finishes for her, and she nods. “Well Y/N, you’ve done a lot of good in your time here, arguably more so than anyone in this entire agency. But you’ve been through a lot. Including seeing enough blood and gore to last a lifetime.” He sighs, getting up to shake her hand. “I can’t say I won’t miss you…but I understand.” He grasps her hand, shaking it firmly. “And besides, you’re leaving here a hero. Few people can say that.” Y/N nods. 

“Thank you for everything you’ve done, sir.”

“No. Thank you.” He insists. “After all, you did it all on your own, remember?” Y/N feels herself blushing. If only they knew the truth, and how Steve helped her. And how she let him go. She wouldn’t have such a hero's reputation then.  Sometimes she wonders if it would change anything if she admitted how much Steve helped her. She knows it’s foolish to hope that doing so would bring Steve back and drop everything against him, but after dreaming of him for so long and finally getting him…it doesn’t hurt to try again, right? 

But unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that. And if she and Steve are over, then so be it.

“What are you going to do with yourself, then?” He asks.

“I don’t know. I just need some time to myself. Maybe I’ll do some travelling.” 

“Well, I hope life is good for you. Especially after all of this. You deserve it.”

“Thank you.” Y/N replies, blinking back her tears.

“If you want to come back, or you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate.” Y/N nods, and after saying her last goodbyes, she leaves the office. She can see all her co-workers staring at her, whispering amongst themselves once more. She was right after all: it’s not even been a week since her ceremony, and she’s already back to being the joke of the office. But not anymore. Turning away with a scoff, Y/N leaves the office for the last time.

A few days later, Y/N sighs as she looks through her mail. Bills, bills, more requests for interviews….the same as usual. But then, one letter pops out in an unfamiliar handwriting. Frowning, she tears it open and begins to read.

“Dear Y/N. My beautiful, beautiful Y/N. I’m sorry it’s been so long since I got in contact with you. I had to make sure it was safe, but I have missed you so much.” Immediately, Y/N’s eyes widen, her heart rate increases, and her body heats up with excitement. Steve. He’s alive. He’s okay. He’s alive. Trying to calm herself down, Y/N keeps reading, a huge smile on her face. “I’ve just seen you receiving your award on television, and although I’m a little hurt to not be included, I’m so proud that you’re finally receiving the recognition you deserve. I’ve never stopped thinking about you or stopped loving you, and I hope you still feel the same about me.”

“Of course I do.” She whispers without a second thought. 

“I’ve got a house now, and a new life. If you still want to be with me, come and find me.” There’s an address at the bottom of the letter. Involuntarily, Y/N lets out a squeal of excitement. 

He wants to see her again. 

He still loves her. 

She has to go see him. 

Glancing out of the window, Steve sighs. Since he’s still technically a fugitive, he’s had to move away from Portland, away from his real home and from the love of his life, and assume a new identity. He wanted to contact Y/N as soon as he left, but it was too risky, and could put either of them in danger. So, Steve waited. Even though the constant worry over how Y/N is doing is all-consuming. He knows she was at least okay a week ago, because he saw her accepting her award on TV. But after that, anything could’ve happened. The sight of her lying on the ground, blood pouring out of her, still haunts his every waking moment. He could’ve done so much more to help her. And yet…he ran, like a coward. If she’s hurt again, he’d never be able to live with himself.

Suddenly, a knock sounds at the door, and Steve goes to answer it. When he sees who’s standing there, he gasps. “Hi Steve.” Y/N smiles, her eyes filled with tears. 

“Y/N?” He whispers. “You’re here?”

Chuckling, Y/N nods. “I got your letter.” Immediately, she drops her bags and runs forward into his arms, and he squeezes her tightly. He buries his nose in her hair and her clothing, inhaling her scent once more. 

“I’m so glad you’re here…that you’re okay.” He murmurs, pressing a kiss to her lips, one full of passion and longing. Y/N moans happily. Once they’ve pulled apart, Steve still keeps her in his arms for a bit longer. If he could, he’d keep her there, safe in his embrace forever. “I love you so much. Welcome home.” He grins, kissing her forehead tenderly.

Y/N and Steve know that their relationship and lives have been a whirlwind of chaos and unpredictability, but they’re ready for their new life together.

Always and forever.

The End.

TAGLIST: @buckysboobs, @sebastianstansqueen, @lavendercitizen, @amanda-says, @enchantedbarnes, @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer, @kristophalis, babebr, @nerdypinupcrystal, @marve2014, @sgt-seabass, @themightyloki, @hallecarey1, @phoebethenarwhal, @lxdyred, @potato-with-hair, @chernayawidow, @gabewerk, @snugglingbucky, @late-to-the-party-81,  @abbieff, @shadow-dragonz, @fandomblogs-stuff, @hallecarey1, @rach2602, @littlemissthistle, @booksandbenbarnes​, @engie115

[wereh0gz]

Awakening - Oneshot

A oneshot I began a long time ago which I decided to edit a bit and post because why not.

Based on my True Gaia AU which I decided to merge into another AU that I've yet to give a proper name. I'm calling it Old Man Sonic AU as a placeholder until I figure out some more details.

Summary: Chip reawakens, but things are very different now.

Words: 2,839

     The sun shone above in the clear blue sky, casting warm rays of light down on the forest canopy and trickling down to the forest's floor.

     … …

     A creature lies on a soft bed of grass, perfectly still. Sound failed to reach their ears and their eyes refused to open.

     … … …?

     Voiceless thoughts came up in its mind. Confusion, mostly. Anger as well…? But why?

     … … … 

     The creature's mind remained blank. Its head hurt.

     … 

     … Wh...

     … What… happened…?

     Where… am I…?

     The creature found an inner voice. It's thoughts were beginning to have more meaning than just vague feelings, vague emotions it didn't know why it felt. Consciousness was just within its grasp.

     Their eyes slowly inch open, letting in the warm morning light and the splashes of green from the forest they slumbered in. Their ears pick up the sound of a gentle wind flowing through the leaves of the trees above, the sound of birds chirping and singing. They felt the grass beneath their body, the fresh breeze on their fur.

     His eyes slowly close again, the creature barely having the energy to keep them open. Everything seemed far too bright for their tired eyes. Moving was too much of a bother.

     The creature began to recall, memories that seemed distant appearing in his mind's eye. Long periods of silence, of nothing. Then there would be destruction like no other. He saw a lush, beautiful world crumble over and over after so long of seeing nothing but void. He saw entire civilizations crumble, the extinction of all life. The memories terrified him, but his body refused to move, to let him wake from this seemingly neverending nightmare. He could only whimper in silence.

     It remembered two beings, one a gigantic, lizard-like abomination, the other a small, fairy-like canine. It saw the destruction from both sides, from the side of the monster, and the side of the little fairy. They clashed millions of times, each cycle followed by a long period of slumber, until…

     One memory returns to them, a recent one. They wake up to the grizzly sight of a beast, covered in shaggy blue fur and spines, sharp, green eyes staring right at them. A few moments later, the beast's form was engulfed in a bright light and dissipated into purple smoke, revealing a young blue hedgehog. They eventually became friends.

     The hedgehog's name escaped them. It started with an 'S'...?

     He couldn't think too long about that. More memories came back to him, of monsters appearing in the night, of painfully grasping at what energy he had left to free himself from his prison, of another battle between the two strange creatures, of winning, of losing.

     Then there was a bittersweet goodbye, before everything returned to void again. Though something changed. It didn't want to slumber anymore. It held on to the memory of the friend it had made, until it could see him again. It watched as he went from one adventure to the next, cheering him on silently. It remembered its rage rising with every one of his victories until it exploded.

     It's becoming hard to tell which memory belonged to which creature.

     At some point, in the void, the rage became too much to handle for both creatures. There was a wish from the small fairy, to stop the clashes, the needless fighting. And the monster, for once, listened. Perhaps they, too, were tired of all their battles. Perhaps they were touched by the hedgehog's kindness as well. The feelings were too muddled to tell.

     But there was one thing they knew for certain. They both wanted to let this go.

     Then, there was and embrace. The darkness no longer felt as cold as it did once before. After that, silence.

     Now he's here, barely keeping himself awake and going through his memories in his head, trying to remember what led him here. He couldn't find an answer, but at least he remembered the blue hedgehog's name.

     'Sonic'.

     The hedgehog had given it a name too. 'Chip', named after its favorite food. It never knew it had a favorite food until it met him. Turns out it really liked chocolate.

     It was called two other names, too. 'Light Gaia'. 'Dark Gaia'. They belonged to the two creatures it used to be.

     They are one now. It felt strange, confusing. There was a flurry of memories, memories from both sides over billions of years. Yet it felt somewhat natural. Perhaps they were always meant to become one god. Maybe they were one in the first place. They couldn't remember that far back.

     He opened his eyes again, reminding himself that, yes, he was physically on Mobius now. The time he spent recalling all those memories felt like hours. It might've been. He couldn't really tell.

     It pushed itself up weakly, groaning, but it managed to sit up and look at its surroundings. Its eyes took some time to adjust to the light, but after a moment it could see everything clearly. There were trees as far as they eye could see.

     They slowly push themself up to stand, legs trembling slightly. They weren't used to walking, neither of their past forms ever did it much. Their wings fluttered as they looked over their new form. It was quite similar to that of a mobian's, though noticeably different from an average one. The fur on most of their body was maroon, with an off white patch on their chest and belly. They had four arms instead of the usual two, their forearms and hands covered in dark purple scales and tipped with bright cyan claws. Their feet were similar to their hands too, starting with fur then changing to scales down the lower leg.

     He turned his head to see a long tail, tipped with a long tuft of fur the same color as the patch on his chest, fading into purple at the ends. He pulled his tail up and began to gently brush its soft fur with his claws. He raised his free set of hands to his face, feeling the short fur on his muzzle, then moving on to his forehead, feeling the sharp horns on top. Then he felt long, hair-like fur, and gently pulled a few strands into view. Just like the tuft on his tail, it was off white and faded into purple.

     It blinked, trying to process what was happening, and all the new sensations it felt.

     I'm… alive? How did I…?

     Its head began to hurt again.

     The creature looked up at the sky, clear blue obscured by green foliage. Then it looked at the rest of their surroundings, forest mostly cast in shadow, save for the bands of light that leaked in between the leaves. Mushrooms and moss rested on tree bark, almost blue in color. It was… pretty. It didn't have any other words to describe what it saw. It was just pretty.

     The dazed being stood there, taking in the sight. They felt tired. A bit… empty. Something was missing, but they didn't know what. And, frankly, they were too tired to try and search for that missing piece now, whatever it was.

     A gust of wind blows by. He feels something… strange. A trace of energy, Chaos Energy. And something else. Something familiar.

     Something dark.

     He turned in the direction the wind blew, taking a clumsy step. He trips, falling back down on the grass with a thump.

     He groaned as he tried to push himself up into a sitting position. Perhaps walking wasn't a good idea.

     Its wings fluttered, buzzing as they lifted it off the ground. It swayed slightly, but eventually found balance. Flying felt much more natural than walking.

     So, after that small misstep, the creature floated off into the dark shadows of the forest, following the wind and the small traces of energy it left behind.

-

     They wandered for what felt like hours, alternating between walking and flying. The forest was seemingly endless, nothing but trees and strange fungi for miles. Though, to their relief, they eventually find a pond, its crystal clear water glistening in the sunlight.

     The being stumbled to its edge, almost falling in. He stared at his reflection in the water's distorted mirror. Eyes like emeralds stared back, five of them, two of a normal size, two smaller ones right next to them, and one on his forehead, decorating his face like gemstones. The larger two had golden irises surrounding slit pupils, shrunken by the light on his face.

     … Is that… really me?

     It lowered a clawed hand down into the water, touching the reflection and watching it twist with the rippling water.

     I look so… different from what I remember…

     It continued to pass its hand through the water, feeling it flow through their fingers and watching the ripples on its surface. It began to feel… disconnected. Untethered to the world. Sounds began to fade, unheard in the creature's ears. Its surroundings turned hazy. Everything felt like a dream. Maybe it was dreaming, still slumbering, trapped in the planet's core. It couldn't tell.

     A sudden sound breaks them out of their daze, a gentle sound, yet unlike anything they had heard in the woods so far. The plucking of strings, one after another, soft yet stronger than the sounds of the forest. They sounded off a gentle melody, carried by the wind to where they sat. It was lovely and… familiar, somehow. It reminded them of a time long past, of a friendship come and gone.

     He stood up, ears turned in the direction of the music, and he began walking towards its source. It grew louder and louder as he approached, the traces of energy he felt becoming stronger and more unified, until he saw it. Sitting upon a stone, a blue hedgehog wearing an old cloak played a red guitar to the beat of his tapping foot, a soft smile on his face.

     He took a step forward, accidentally stepping on a twig and snapping it in half.

     The hedgehog suddenly stops at the sound. He turns his head towards the being, emerald eyes meeting his own.

     He looked like someone it used to know. A dear friend. It reached out to him hesitantly as it began to call his name.

     "So…"

     And in the blink of an eye, he was gone.

     "... nic."

     Couldn't even say his name before he disappeared.

     "Mm…" I must be seeing things…

     It sat down next to the stone, using it as a backrest and closing its eyes. It was tired, all that walking drained what little energy it had. It leaned back on the rock as it was slowly dragged into unconsciousness once more.

     I guess… it was nice to be awake… just for a little while…

-

     …

     The creature awoke, finding themself somewhere new, surrounded by something soft and warm, a nest of blankets and pillows. They saw a ceiling of stone above them. Rain poured outside, its sound accompanied by guitar music. The blue hedgehog sat before them, no longer wearing the cloak, happily playing his old guitar in front of a crackling campfire. The calming tune almost lulled them to sleep again.

     "Mornin', stranger," the hedgehog says just as the music stops.

     "Mn… morning…?" they mumble as they sit up and rub their hazy head, "W-where am I?"

     The hedgehog looked back at him, smiling, "Just one of my little burrows. I couldn't just leave you out in the rain to catch a cold."

     The creature took a good look at the hedgehog's face. He looked older, possibly around middle-age, late-thirties at least. His green eyes were kind and almost glowing in the shadows. His long, cobalt blue spines were tipped in a light, off white color. His smile was so soft, so kind, there was no doubt in his mind, that was Sonic sitting right before him.

     "Sonic…?"

     The hedgehog seemed surprised to hear that name, but his smile didn't falter.

     "Oh, have we met before? Sorry, my memory's been a bit, ah… faulty, lately," he said, scratching the back of his head with his left hand. Around his wrist rested a bracelet, a bit worn with time, but still well taken care of. A green gem glistened, reflecting the light of the fire.

     "You don't… recognize me?" the being muttered, clutching the blankets wrapped around him with his claws.

     The hedgehog remained silent for a moment, thinking.

     "Y'know… Now that you mention it, you do look kinda familiar," he said, giving him a strange look, "Nah, you couldn't be…" He stood from his spot, stepping in closer to him, eyeing him.

     It should tell him, but what name would it give? It had three, and the people associated with them had become muddled into one. Though one of the names was given to it by Sonic, so maybe…

     "Chip. It's me… Chip."

     It came out almost instinctively, that precious name Sonic had assigned to them. When he heard it, his eyes grew wide and he tackled them into a hug with such force and speed he knocked them to the ground. They gasped as strong arms wrapped around them, nearly crushing their ribs.

     Sonic laughed. "Chip! Oh Chaos, I missed you so much!"

     Chip smiled, returning the embrace, "I… missed you too."

     "You look so different now! What happened?" he asked, pulling away from the hug and giving Chip space to breathe.

     "I'm… not sure."

     "Wait, if you're back, then that means Dark Gaia might be out there somewhere too," Sonic said as he began pacing around, distressed by the thought, "The world's been at peace for a long time. We can't have it causing any trouble."

      "I… Well, you're kinda right, but…"

      Sonic tilted his head, confused, "... 'But' what?"

      "I…" they hesitate, looking down at their claws, "I'm… Chip. But I'm also Dark Gaia."

     "... What?"

     "I'm Chip and Dark Gaia."

     They stared at each other, one with a blank face and the other with a perplexed expression.

     "Wait, so… you two fused together or something?"

     "I think so?" Chip replied, before sighing and laying themself back down, "Honestly, I'm too tired to think about that too much right now… I know for sure it won't be causing any more apocalypses now, though."

     "... I see."

     "You don't… hate me, do you?" Chip blurted out.

     Sonic's quills raised, seemingly surprised by the question. "What? No! Why would I?"

     "Because…" Chip tried to think, trying to put his racing thoughts into words, "Because, well… Dark Gaia and I are one and the same now. I remember everything it did… I remember wanting to destroy everything… wanting to hurt you…"

     "Chip, that wasn't you."

     "But it was!" He suddenly sat back up again, agitated "... Wasn't it?"

     Chip could feel warm tears begin to well in its eyes, its chest becoming heavy with the weight of guilt.

     Sonic pulled it into his arms, embracing it once more, but this time, he was much more gentle. He began rubbing circles on its back. Tears began to fall, slipping down Chip's cheeks.

     "Look, Chip," Sonic began, "I think you're just confused by all of this. I don't blame you, I don't really understand what's going on, either. But you'll always be Chip in my eyes, whether you're fused with Dark Gaia or not."

     Chip closed their eyes, wrapping their arms around Sonic and hugging him tight. They felt a weight being lifted by his words.

     "We'll figure this out together, okay?"

     "... Okay."

     They remained in each other's arms for a while, sitting in a somber, yet oddly comfortable silence as Chip let themself cry in Sonic's shoulder. The hedgehog held them until the tears stopped falling. Eventually, they felt Sonic lower them back onto the soft pillows and blankets, lying them down with care.

     "You look really tired. Being awakened early and all that must've taken its toll, huh?" he said.

     "Mhm…"

     Sonic got up, grabbing his guitar before sitting back down next to Chip. A hand landed on their head, wearing a white fingerless glove. The exposed fingers were slightly fuzzy, pale blue and tipped with sharp claws. They didn't remember Sonic's hands being like this, not in this form, anyway, though they supposed he had just changed over time. He did look a lot older, after all.

     Then again, he didn't remember ever seeing his hands without gloves in the first place, except after transforming into that beast…

     That doesn't really matter now, does it?

     Sonic gently rubbed the fur on his head. "Sleep as much as you need to, pal. You're gonna need the energy now that you're free."

     With rain still pouring down outside the burrow, Chip felt his eyelids grow heavy, and he slowly drifted to sleep once more. But before everything faded to darkness, he heard Sonic whispering something to him as he began to play another tune on his guitar.

     "We've got two hundred years of catching up to do, kid."

[pockcock]

No thoughts. Pussy dwelling on Erwin's fingers edging you until you're a begging mess though. (Because let's face it, we all know the calluses on his hands feel like heaven when his tongue eases the feeling soon after-)

"whore mouth" // erwin smith x f!reader

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

word count: 2.4k

a/n: Oh god I'M SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG I'M SORRY I'M SORRYYYY :( This was supposed to be a drabble but I got carried away... Anyways. ENJOY <3

tw// porn with very little plot. impact play. slapping. jealous!erwin. sugardaddy!erwin. dom!erwin. sadist!erwin. edging. cunnilingus. breath play. dumbification. spitting. forced orgasm. slight blood. squirting. clit slapping. slight consensual non-con (reader and erwin have a dom/sub relationship). prey-predator if you squint. usage of "whore, slut, bitch". aftercare.

Erwin isn't the jealous type in your eye. He is a confident man, he is fierce. He is the CEO of the Corps Ltd. after all. He isn't jealous, people are jealous of him.

But the look he gave you at the party made you lose your ability to breathe.

He bought this black silk dress for you a couple of weeks ago. It arrived at your door by his assistant, Armin, a pretty young boy. He reminded you of Erwin, only young and naive. You felt incredible in the fabric, it felt as if the dress was made for you and you only. Everything was right about the dress. But you didn't have any opportunity to wear it. Until tonight.

"Here we are, madam," Armin spoke, his eyes met yours from the rearview mirror. It was obvious that he was having a hard time keeping his eyes away from your beautifully exposed chest and perky nipples showing through the dress. "Mr. Smith is waiting for you inside."

You thanked him and carefully got out of the car not letting your dress go even higher. As you entered the hotel where the party was being hosted, your eyes found your pretty CEO. Surrounded by his close friends Miche and Levi, he was laughing. He was wearing his brand new black Hermes set with a gold detailed Versace tie. Then he saw you, his whole expression changed. The bright, playful eyes turned into loving ones.

"My sunshine," he greeted you with open arms, calling you in. "She is finally here!"

You walked towards him. "Traffic hold me hostage!"

A little laugh escaped his lips as he hugged you. But his words were far far away from his laugh. "Why the fuck are you wearing that?"

You hugged him, hiding your surprised and sad face in his neck. "I-I thought you'd enjoy it..."

He let you go, fixed your hair a bit. Cupping your cheeks, he said: "We'll talk about it when we go home, okay? Now let's enjoy our party." And, uh, what a bastard he is, to put the smile back into your face, he added. "You're looking like a swan."

And the rest of the night was almost perfect. Erwin introduced you as "My cup of sunshine!" to his friends, co-workers, business partners. He complimented you, let others compliment you and he even let Miche steal you for the dance and touch your bareback with his enormous hands. He let Zeke kiss your hand which was decorated by the ring Erwin gave. Everything went smoothly.

And yet, here you were, in front of him. Couldn't even look at his face because of the humiliation and mockery he possessed in his eyes.

"Tell me, princess. Why did you wear that?" he asked, emphasizing the word 'that'.

"I'm sorry-"

Your head went to your right with the impact. Your left cheek was burning and you were in shock. Did he slap you?

"I'm not asking for your apology. I'm asking for the reason."

You lifted your head, eyes filled with fear. "I-"

Another slap. This one hurt more than the other. "Stop this fucking nonsense and answer me." His voice was calm, steady. It contained no anger or fury.

"I thought..." A tear left your eye, you wiped it with the back of your hand. "I thought y-you'd like it."

Another slap. "Did you get the note I sent with the dress? I remember putting it into the box myself. I even attached it to the dress with an anklet. Remember?"

"Yes."

Another slap, you fell onto the ground. "What did it say?"

A sob left your lips. "I-I don't..."

"You don't what, princess?" He kneeled down. He grabbed your chin, lifting it up and looking directly into your teary eyes. "Tell me."

" I don't remember!" You screamed it out. Humiliation now took over your body, making you ache in pain. It was also creating a pool between your legs. "I don't remember, Erwin! I'm so-"

Another slap. "You don't get to say my name tonight." He took his jacket off, then his tie, he threw both across the room. He talked as he rolled his sleeves up. “You don’t deserve to say my name with that whore mouth.”

He yanked your hair making you scream in pain, he slammed you into the wall. The photos fell down, shattered. His rough hands ripped the dress’ straps, making it fall onto the floor, pooling around your feet. “I bought this for my eyes. My pleasure.” He slapped your right breast harshly. “You are mine.” He pinched your cheeks together, making you open your mouth. “That’s what I wrote, stupid whore.” He spitted onto your tongue, it tasted like whiskey and cigar. Then he covered your mouth and your nose, not letting you breathe. “Swallow.”

You did as he said. How couldn’t you?

“Open your mouth, tongue out.” He let go of your mouth, wanted to see your mouth empty. You inhaled in relief, brain too hazy to understand anything. He slapped you again. “Open your fucking mouth.”

“Erwin!” You screamed with pain again.

He laughed and let your hair go, you fell down with the sudden movement. “Your stupid brain can’t understand a word I say, right?” He grabbed you by the neck, lifting your fragile body up. “What are you good for? Oh, right! Being a whore, now I remember.”

You grabbed his forearm, nails digging into his skin. You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything. You tried to push him away but he didn’t budge. The worst part wasn’t him being harsh with you. It was him being calm as usual, never shouting, never talking with clenched teeth. Even his damn expression was calm. His damn eyebrows weren’t furrowed. That scared you.

“Stop,” he said, pushing your hands away with a harsh move. You made his arms bleed a little. He looked at you unimpressed. “You never understand, do you?”

He took you to your shared bedroom, threw you onto the bed. You tried to get away, silly you, where could you go. Your makeup was a mess, mascara running down onto your cheeks as your tears left your eyes, painting your face black. Crying loudly, you screamed once more. “Please! Please don’t!” You tried to stop him. “Daddy please!”

He choked you, again, harsher this time. You held onto his arms, wishing he would let you breathe just once. Slammed your weak body into the mattress, he ripped your panties. “You’re begging me not to do anything, yet you’re soaking like a fucking slut.” Without warning, he pushed his thick middle and ring finger inside you. “See? You take my fingers like a slut too!” Amusement coated his tone. “You either want my fingers or my dick. You just want to be my pocket pussy, right, slut?” He was pounding into you like there was no tomorrow, wet noises filled the room. “Stupid whore.”

Your eyes rolled back. Everything was too much. Too much pleasure, too much pain, too little air. Your brain was shutting down slowly, you couldn’t think straight. You wanted to kiss him, wanted to beg him to fuck you with his huge cock. Wanted him to take you then and there, without preparation. Yet, the only thing you could do was to moan, like a stupid whore. His voice echoed in your brain. You got closer, his fingers curled inside you, finding that pretty spot. It was too much?

“You’re cumming already?” He mocked, his pace quickened. “You won’t. Hold it.”

Your fingernails once again found the little cuts they made previously, digging even harder as the pleasure built up. You were losing consciousness due to the lack of oxygen in your body. You couldn’t do anything. Couldn’t breathe, couldn’t hold your orgasm, couldn’t stop him.

Erwin felt your orgasm before you. He pulled his hands away from you. “Open your legs. Ruin it. Don’t cum.”

You couldn’t.

The pleasure hit you, hit your body like a truck. With the sudden feeling of air coming into your lungs, your legs started trembling. Your whole body clenched, shaking like your vibrator Erwin bought you for your birthday. Your eyes snapped open and you felt something coming out of your cunt, wetting your legs, the bed and Erwin in front of you. You squirted.

“Fuck…” You heard Erwin cursing under his breath. His pants were soaking wet.

“D-Daddy...” You reached out for him, eyes barely functioning after the intense orgasm. “I-I’m sorry, I co-uldn’t hold it… I couldn't ruin it!”

He tsked. “Princess, what have you done?”

Your eyes filled with tears once again. You were slowly regaining your ability to think. “Daddy... I’m sorry…”

He sat next to you, pushed the hair from your face. “Shh, don’t talk…” He cupped your cheeks. “Maybe I was a bit too harsh for you.” He leaned down to kiss your puffy lips. “But you still need to be punished baby.”

Before you could protest, he spanked your clit.

“You were being a whore today.” Spank. “And you were also being a bad girl.” Spank. “You didn’t listen to me.” Spank. “But now,” Spank. “You’ll be cumming from this.”

You did. You didn’t know you could. But you did. And he didn’t stop.

“Daddy! S-Stop! I’ve come already” You tried to close your legs, the pleasure was turning into pain with each slap. “Can’t take it! Daddy I’m cumming!”

“Yes, babygirl,” He whispered. His eyes were locked into your, his pupils had expanded. “You’re cumming again. And you’ll be cumming again. And again. Until I’m done with you.”

“Daddy!”

His spanks became even faster and harder, hitting that sensitive bud throbbing in a mixture of pain and pleasure. When you opened your mouth to moan, he spitted onto your tongue once again. “Don’t swallow. Stick your tongue out, slut,” he said as his other hand caressed your hair. “Let yourself drool like a stupid whore.” His words, his actions… Everything was so complicated. Making you feel even more stupid.

After cumming another four times you were a drooling, dripping mess. You were lost your sight. Everything was spinning, the ceiling, Erwin in front of you, and you. Your breaths were unsteady, you couldn’t even hear your heartbeat because of its speed.

Erwin patted your cheek. “Don’t faint on me now, bitch.”

“D-Daddy…”

He smiled. “Shh, princess. I know.” His hands came down on your face to wipe your tears away. “I’m proud of you.” He kissed your forehead. “Now, I’m going to eat you out, ‘kay? I wanna taste my pretty pocket pussy.”

You squinted your eyes to see him. Your eyes filled with tears once again. Your makeup was already ruined and smudged into the sheets. “Please daddy! I can’t take-”

“Shut up, baby.” He stood up, got between your legs and pulled you towards his face. Erwin loved your pussy so much, he could live in there forever. He inhaled the heavenly scent and licked your slit, drinking everything you offered. “It’s my pussy and I chose to do whatever I want.”

You tried to push him, kick him away. Nothing worked. Erwin Smith, ate your pussy like it was his last day on earth. He ate your cum, drank your juices, sucked on your clit and fucked you with his tongue. His face was sweaty, his perfect hair stuck onto his forehead. His naked chin was now coated with your nectar. He made you cum again, leaving you breathless, sucking your soul out of your body. He made you cum, made you squirt onto his face. He was pussy drunk, couldn’t let you go. Couldn’t stop sucking your clit. He loved the way your legs trembled after each orgasm. He loved the way you screamed “Daddy!” first and when he didn’t stop you screamed “Erwin!”. He loved the way you babble nonsense trying to apologize from him. Stupid slut, he thought. And ate you out until your whole body went numb.

When he was finally done, both of you were panting. You were barely awake, holding onto nothing but trying your best not to lose consciousness. Erwin was tired, tired from eating you out, fingering you and taking your soul away from you. He got up, laid right next to you. He adored this sight; you, completely fucked up and ruined. He did this without putting his cock in you. He was proud.

“Are you with me princess?” He whispered into the night. He was being cautious.

You nodded weakly.

“Good girl,” he said. Kissed your forehead slowly he cupped your cheeks. “Can you give me a color baby?” You were using a color system alongside your safeword. It was for your safety.

“Y-Yellow…” Your voice was hoarse after all the screaming.

He furrowed his brows. He was too harsh on you. “I’m sorry, kitten.” He carefully flipped you onto your side, hugging your back tightly, he kissed your shoulder. “I was too harsh on you. I’m so sorry baby.”

A sob escaped your lips. “But you didn’t cum…”

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay. You’ve done so well. I got pleasure from your pleasure. I'm not important. You are. Your pleasure is. You did so well. So well baby. That’s what is important. I got you now, okay? I’ll never let you go. You’re my everything. I got you. I’ll never leave you.”

You stayed there, tangled together for a long time. Erwin kissed your shoulders, back and hair, his calloused hands caressed your arms. When the extreme pleasure made you clench again, he hugged you tighter, whispering. “Calm down, baby. I got you.” He made sure you were fully okay after your intense session.

“D-Daddy?”

His heart shattered into thousand pieces after hearing that tone in your voice. “You can say my name baby, it’s over now.”

“Erwin,” you said almost hesitantly. “C-Can I go to the bathroom? I need to pee.”

His eyes snapped open. Right, you had to. “Yes baby, let me take you there.” He took you into his arms bridal style. “And we’ll take a bath, I really want to try that lavender bath bomb you bought. Is that okay baby?”

You snuggled into his shirt, it was still wet after your countless orgasms.

After you were done with everything, you were in your marble bathtub with Erwin. A purple color was prominent in the water, making you feel safe. You leaned into his chest filled with little patches of thin gold hair even more. He was your home.

“Erwin?” you asked, melting into his touches.

“Yes, princess?”

“How many times did I cum?” You asked, lifted your head to look at him. You loved that expression. You could see surprise, confusion, calculation and answer in seconds.

“Thirty..” he furrowed his thick brows, he was counting. “Thirty-nine.” Then he realized what he said. His eyes opened up with amazement. “Oh.”

“Yeah..” you said, a chuckle left your chest.

“We broke our record!”

taggings: @maries-gallery @st-arlert (you have to read this baby, no escapes) @azazelles

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Shin Maniac [09]

ー The scene starts in the guest room at the Tsukinami manor

Yui: ...

Shin: ...

Yui: ( He won’t say anything. )

( I guess it’s because Mertz-san said all those things to him? )

( I’d be incredibly hurt. I’m sure Shin-kun feels the same... )

...

Yui: ( A-Anyway, right now I should focus on finding a way to escape Carla-san. )

( If only I could somehow make it to the Demon World... )

( But the portal at the Sakamaki’s place has been destroyed. )

( Still, that isn’t the only gate leading to the Demon World. )

( ...I guess I should ask Mertz-san for help after all. And have him escort me to a place nearby the gate. )

( So Carla-san doesn’t find out that Mertz-san is involved...! )

Shin-kun. Listen, Iーー

Shin: ...Hehe...

ー Shin steps closer

Yui: ...! S-Shin-kun...?

...L-Listen, I...I’d like to ask Mertz-san one more time...

Shin: Mertz? Are you going to rely on him? ...You don’t need to do that.

Yui: Eh...?

Shin: Exactly...I should have just done this from the very beginning...Nn...

Yui: ( ...!? H-He’s kissing me...!? )

Shin: Like this...I should have just made you mine through brute force. 

Nn...

Yui: ...S-Sto...!

Shin: I won’t. I’m not stopping, until I’ve made you mine...

Selection

→ Fight back

Yui: L-Let me go!

Shin: Hehe, you really think you’re any match for me?

I guess it’s almost kind of cute...how you’re so dumb you still don’t get that? Hehe...!

→ Try to get away (♡)

Yui: ( I-I have to run...! )

Shin: You’re still trying to escape? Oh come on...Just give up already and become mine. 

Shin: Well, it’d be annoying if you make a fuss. As you wish, I’ll be gentle with youーー

*Creaak*

Yui: ( Wah...! H-He pinned me down on the bed... )

N-No, I’m begging yoーー

Shin: Once again, I won’t stop. ...Nn.

Yui: ( Our lips are pressed together... )

Shin: Haah...Hehe, you seem to be enjoying this a lot more compared to when I suck your blood. 

Yui: T-That’s not...!

Shin: Don’t worry. I’ll make you feel even better in no time...Nn...

ーー See? Right now, I’ll shower you with my love. ...Or do you hate kisses, perhaps? 

You don’t like the gentle treatment either...? You’re such a handful, fufu. 

...Nn.

Yui: ...Nn...!

Shin: I’m only being this nice because it’s you, you know? 

I guess you could say I have respect for you, more or less.

No need to rush, let me lead you...Just like that...

Don’t worry. It’ll only be embarrassing for a short while. And it’ll feel so much better afterwards. 

If you don’t understand what I’m getting at...You’ll eventually find out once you’re in my arms. 

I’ll teach you everything. So many things, you might even find yourself growing addicted...Nn...

...Nn...Hah...

Yui: ( This is just...Too much...! )

*Thud*

???: ーー What are you doing? 

Shin: ...!! Nii-saーー

Carla: You cunning, little...!

*STAB*

Shin: ...Ugh!!

*Thud*

Yui: Aah...!!

( H-He pierced Shin-kun with his bare hand...! )

Carla: Too easy...

Shin: ...Fuck...

*SPLATTER*

Yui: ( Blood...Shin-kun’s blood is... )

ー The screen fades to black

Yui: Uu...Ah...

( Oh no, I’m losing consciousness... )

...

*TIMESKIP*

ー Yui wakes up in Carla’s room

Yui: ...Nn...

( ...Where am I...? )

Carla: So you have woken up. 

Yui: ...!! C-Carla-san...

R-Right, where is Shin-kun...? What happened to him!? Don’t tell me...

Carla: ...He is not dead. It takes more than that to kill a Founder.

Yui: ( T-Thank god... )

( He may have treated me badly at more than one occasion, but I wouldn’t want him to meet his end in such a way... )

Then, where is he right now...? 

Carla: I have him chained up in the dungeon. I doubt he’ll be moving any time soon. 

Yui: I can’t believe you’d throw him into the dungeon with such injuries...

Carla: ...It seems to be that you are very much worried about him. 

Have you developed feelings for him? 

Yui: Feelings...

( I don’t know...But...I don’t want anyone to suffer. )

( I mean, Shin-kun looked hurt to me during his conversation with Mertz-san... )

( He experiences pain just like I do. )

( If this counts as ‘feelings’, then maybe, yes... )

Carla: Fufu...I suppose I was not too far off. 

In that case...I definitely have to make one thing clear to you then. 

Yui: ( What does he mean...? )

Carla: ーー Come here. 

*Rustle*

Yui: ...! When you grab me that strongly...It hurts...my arm...

Carla: I do not care if it hurts you. 

ーー Now come. 

Yui: ( ...It’s no use...I can’t oppose Carla-san... )

( I can’t even fight back against Shin-kun, let alone this person... )

ー Carla takes her to the underground dungeon

Yui: ( Is this...the dungeon...? Then this is where Shin-kun is... )

Carla: ...Shin, wake up. It is time for your punishment. 

Shin: ...Kuh...

Yui: S-Shin-kun!

( He’s all beaten and bruised, locked up inside a gloomy cell...! )

( While it may not kill him, this kind of treatment is still too harsh for words...! )

Shin-kun! Hold on, I’ll tend to your wounds right awaーー 

ー Carla blocks her path

Yui: ...!

Carla: Who gave you permission to do that? 

Yui: B-But...

Carla: Silence. 

ーー Grab hold of those.

Yui: ...! W-Why do I have to...?

Carla: Enough idle talk. Do itーー

ー Yui grabs hold of the bars 

*Rustle*

*Cling*

Yui: Ah...!

Shin: ...!

Carla: Shin, make sure to watch closely. 

This is your punishment...for messing with a King’s possession. 

Carla: ...Nn...

Yui: ...!

Shin: ...! ...Cut it out...

Carla: ...Who do you think you’re giving orders to? If you want me to stop, you will have to use your power to make me yield...

If you cannot do that...

Then simply enjoy the show. ーー Nn...

Shin: Stop! I’m begging you!!

Carla: Nn...Hah...

Yui: Ah...Uu...

Carla: Cry, woman. Let this pathetic man in front of your ears hear you. ーー Nn. 

Yui: Ah...! No...!

Carla: ...Shin. It appears that this woman might have a soft spot for you. How foolish...

This is what she gets...Nn...

Yui: Ah...Ah!

Shin: Stop, please...!!

Yui: ( This is...This is just...! )

Monologue

I tightly squeezed my eyes shut, overcome by fear. 

But by doing so, it only made Carla-san’s breathing (吐息) even more apparent, 

so I immediately opened them again. 

Right in front of me, I could see Shin-kun,

biting down on his lip to the point of breaking skin. 

What should I do? 

Is there even anything I can do? 

As various ideas circle around inside my head,

I can feel Carla-san’s hands and fingers tracing down my body,

as if they’re trying to break my trail of thought.

All while Shin-kun watches (見ている) everything go downーー 

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[sips---tea]

Thraundil x reader // Home again

Thranduil's beloved partner had been missing since a battle at Angmar, pulling Thranduil into great grief. What happens when it is discovered you are not dead and return to your husband.

1617 words

You had been in this dark place for longer than you could record. You remember the battle at Angmar, fighting beside your husband the neverending barrage of orcs and then being distanced from him by seeing your son Legolas in danger. You thought it was won and for a second put your guard down which allowed your leg to be caught by an orc sword and for you to fall and soon lose consciousness. The last thing you saw was your husband, fighting orcs, he had not noticed, too busy fighting to save himself and Legolas from the newest wave of orcs.

You woke in this dark pit, you tried to fight the orcs who would visit you and torture you for their sick, twisted fun. You gained very little food, the orcs only keeping you alive for their humour. Soon however even the orcs stopped coming, leaving you in the dark pit to rot. You were thankful that you had little food and water which you tried to ration to the best of your ability. The thought of home kept you going, of Thranduil, your son and of the beauty of Greenwood, one day you would return.

Once again you tried the door in case somehow it was unlocked. You slump back down, it is still bolted shut. There was little you could do in this place, only think of home, scratch the walls, check your food supply. This was no life for an eleven noble, an eleven (king/Queen), one who had seen the fall of Melkor and fought in many, many wars, this capture was humiliating. You closed your eyes and sighed, you regretted everything and just wished to return, praying to the Valar to save you from the torture you were facing. They seemed to have never answered, you were still here, on a dirty floor in an unknown place.

You heard something. You closed your eyes and sighed, a bird probably, false hope. You shivered and heard the noise again. It sounded like voices? This might be your brain, going mad from isolation, however, your heart skipped a beat and you stood, bashing the door. Muffled voices, you could hardly believe your eyes, as you saw light at the cracks of the door. You stumbled back, terrified that it might be a foe and with nothing to protect yourself with, the only thing you could do was hope and pray the Valar brought you saviours. The door swung open and Gandalf stood in the entrance, his staff held high, illuminating the dark pit you had spent your days in for the first time. Your heart rose and you stood, blinded by the light of the staff. Gandalf's eyes were wide in shock.

"My dear (y/n)" he said. "I thought you were lost"

"I did also" you said, your voice hoarse. You blinked and almost collapsed, Gandalf quickly supporting you. "Where am I?" you asked.

"Amon Lac" Gandalf said, slowly leading you out.

"I do not understand" you said quietly.

"And nor do I" he said quietly. Gandalf led you across a bridge and toward Radagast who stared, confused at the dirty, pale, zombie looking elf Gandalf was supporting.

"Who is this?" Radagast asked in confusion.

"I am returning to the fortress" Gandalf said. "But I must ask that you take (y/n) to the woodland kingdom"

"(y/n) of the woodland realm?" Radagast asked, confused, but realisation dawned on his face. "Oh yes, of course" Radegast busied himself to make sure there's space as you sat heavily on it, exhausted but finally free.

"Will you be okay? Will they be?" Radagast asked.

"If you return them to the woodland realm then they will" Gandalf said, turning to go back into the fortress.

"But what about you?" Radagast called. "What if it is a trap?"

"It is undoubtedly a trap" Gandalf replied, walking back toward Dol Guldur, even more questions now clouding his mind.

Radagast stared for a few moments before looking down at the elf who laid on his sled. In a few moments of muttering, Radagast had started the sled, he was very paranoid you would fall off and was also unsure of what it would be like for you to return. He had seen Thranduil's decline of happiness and his grief from his place in the forest, would you help his grief or would he not believe you were alive.

"Radagast?" you calling his name jumped him out of his trance. "Are my husband and son alive? " you asked.

"Yes they are" Radagast Answered. You smiled, closing your eyes and laying back slightly. You were glad that you could finally see them again, that you could finally go home.

Radagast stopped the sled close to the main gates and looked down at you, worried. "Can you walk the way?" he asked, wishing to as soon as possible send the message to Lothlorien and Rivendell.

You nodded slightly, shakily getting up and smiling, feeling the grass under your feet. "Thank you Radagast," you said. He nodded and left, leaving you alone in the forest you knew so well. Slowly you started to walk toward the doors of the halls of Thranduil, it was a walk you had taken many times alone and with Thranduil beside you. Nothing had seemed to have changed, the grass bouncy and the trees blowing gently in the wind. You breathed heavily, thanking that no longer you breathed in the musty and stale air of Amon Lac.

Slowly you crossed the bridge and were faced by guards on both sides who quickly arrested you for trespassing on the King's land. You didn't fight or struggle, too tired to do so, letting the guards guide you into the halls. It was as you remembered it, nothing had changed apart from new statues, was that you? You didn't have much time to linger, looking at your face, moulded in stone as the guard made sure to keep a fast pace. You recognised the route, you were going to Thranduil.

The guards stopped and dropped you. At this point, you were completely exhausted, without the energy to even try to get up. "Stand" the sound of Thranduil's voice was like music to your ears, his voice was firm and without emotion. You slowly stood, shaking slightly as you slowly looked up at your husband who sat on his throne. He hadn't changed, apart from his eyes. As soon as they met yours they widened in shock.

"Impossible" he whispered, he almost tripped as he rushed down the stairs and pulled you into a hug. "It cannot be you" he whispered as you leaned into him, allowing Thranduil to completely smother you in his chest. You could tell Thranduil was struggling, almost unable to keep the tears back. Quickly he dismissed the guards and guided you down to the floor, still holding you in his arms. He cupped your cheek and stared into your eyes. "Where have you been (y/n)?" he asked in disbelief.

"Gandalf found me" you said quietly. "In Dol Guldur"

Thraundil's face was full of mixed emotions, from disbelief, sadness and confusion. He could not understand, Thraundil had searched for you, day and night through the dead bodies of orcs and elves to find you, to hold your body one last time. He had a funeral for you, he had grieved, he had closed his heart to any further help toward the men of the wood against orcs.

"You have been gone for 150 years" Thraundil said. Your heart stopped at these words.

"No. I" you couldn't believe it. You rested your head against his chest and fainted into it, completely exhausted. Thraundil held you close, not wishing to let you go. He had missed you terribly, losing the fire which kept his heart warm so it froze over and he vowed never again to fight for the needs of men. If he didn't then you would have never gone and would have been with him.

Slowly Thranduil got up and picked you up into his arms. He grimaced at how dirty and matted your hair was. He carried you to the healers who washed you and checked your wounds. Thraundil watching over, cringing at the marks which now littered your body. He found it hard to keep his anger in check, he wanted to hunt down and kill every orc he could get his hands on. He wished he had kept you safe, denied you from fighting in Angmar, he criticised his past self for this as he watched you now, laying on his bed, tucked up in the warm sheets and furs. For the first thirty years, Thraundil did not sleep in his royal chambers, the memories of you and him together being too much to bair, being unable to sleep without you in his arms. Thirty years it took for him to have the courage to enter and sleep in your and his room again, the large bed feeling strangely empty without another presence.

Slowly he sat on the bed, feeling your hair between his fingers. Your hair was now smooth and clean, just as he remembered. He got into bed next to you, listening to your gentle breathing. Valar how he missed this, he missed you. He wrapped his long arms around you immediately moulding into your side. You smelt perfect, just as he remembered, he kissed your cheek and rested his nose against it, glad you were home with him. Thranduil smiled slightly, he should plan a large feast to celebrate you being home, his lover finally back with him. Thranduil closed his eyes and slowly fell asleep, finally happy again.

[clowncarscans]

Vampire Knight Memories Volume 4 Limited Edition

Track 01. The Last Night. The Morning of the Awakening. 

[Yuuki: Intro] Vampire Knight Memories, 4th Volume. Special Edition with Drama CD. The Last Night. The Morning of Awakening.

[Kaname] I thought I wanted you to love me. I thought it was enough if you were by my side. I thought it was fine even if you hated me. I wanted to become one with you, since you gave me your entire life. I wished I could live while being happy, no matter how modest of a happiness it was–just anywhere under the sky. I cherish you and the world which you illuminate warmly. It angers you that I do not put any confidence in this world. None of the choices I make can create an accomplice out of you. I will do it, that which only I can do. I can only love in this manner. And it is you whom I love.

[Yuuki] Where is Kaname?

[Kaname] Yuuki, the light of my heart, you bestowed upon me–a living corpse– the joy of being needed again. The time has come. It is time for this immortal heart to be put to use. In order to stop other immortal hearts, Yuuki–

[Yuuki] Kaname, wait! Kaname!! Kaname…your heart?

[Kaname] It’s inside there. Inside the furnace. It is melting and regenerating over and over again in there, so it will never regenerate inside me ever again.

[Yuuki] If we don’t take it out–!

[Kaname] Yuuki, it’s too late. The core of my life now resides within the furnace. Eventually, this body will no longer move as it did. I will lose my consciousness and live as your weapon.

[Yuuki] I don’t want this! To think you’ve done such a thing–! If only I hadn’t been born–If only I didn’t exist…! Your life right now would be completely different!

[Kaname] Don’t say such things, as if I was never happy. Do you even understand what you gave me? You, whom I couldn’t protect when you were born…This time I will see to it that I protect you. These strong feelings are what you have given me. As I recalled the memories of my long and lonely life, that was the ray of light which illuminated the way for me, my only warmth. When I decided to let you go, I thought watching over you would be enough. But you, who was living each day as a human, had become such a dazzling existence to me.

Everything about you is loveable: Your desperation when trying to help an injured boy… Your decision to cut your hair when you entered high school in order to put your feelings away for me…I love it all. And thus, I lost to my own desire. Those members of the Senate who became parasites…Everything that transpired after killing them was supposed to happen after you became human, Yuuki. I committed a grave mistake, but I couldn’t stop myself! In my attempt to shake off my contradicting thoughts, I forced so much upon you. And I ended up taking away your smile, the very smile that shone from the bottom of your heart.

[Yuuki] Kaname!

[Kaname] And finally, I even revealed myself to you, not knowing whether you would reject me or not.

[Yuuki] Don’t say it was all a mistake!

[Kaname] Everything I did I decided by myself–from choosing to protect you to committing these grave mistakes. I made those choices, not you. And I don’t regret them either. However, I must atone for all the sins I’ve committed thus far. You understand, don’t you? At this very moment too…

[Zero] Yes. 

[Kaname] Surely enough, once again, someone is becoming a sacrifice for someone else.

[Zero] This might be something you’ve brought upon yourself.

[Kaname] Yuuki, please don’t struggle like this in an attempt to stop me.

[Yuuki] But Kaname, I wasn’t able to do anything. No! I can’t even imagine a world where I will no longer hear your voice! I don’t want to ever know what that is like! Are you really fine with that?

[Kaname] I’ll say this one more time, Yuuki. I was never unhappy. Because the light is illuminating the way for me at the end of the journey.

[Zero] The Bloody Rose is dying… I’m supposed to be thankful to you, aren’t I? But I can’t forgive you for subjecting Yuuki to such sorrow.

[Kaname] That’s alright.

[Yuuki] As if to protect me and Zero from the scorching breath of the flames, Kaname embraced us both.

[Kaname] After all this time spent squinting at the dazzling radiance, I’ve come to understand. Yuuki, Zero–the two of you should be together. That is what I want: for the both of you to be together.

[Yuuki] Kaname’s voice, his words, the warmth of his arms… The weight of his body abruptly fell upon me, and the strength in his arms that embraced me faded. No, wait! Wait, I still haven’t–! Kaname!

[Zero] The Bloody Rose, it’s–!

[Aido] Kaname-sama! No, it can’t be!

[Headmaster] This enormous weapon.... Is it the Bloody Rose? Then that means Kaname-sama–!

[Yuuki] Kaname had defeated many obstacles and had fulfilled his desire to establish a weapon that could slaughter vampires. And in order to stop Kaname, the pureblood vampires gathered in the church, but trembled before the enormous weapon--or rather, seemingly withdrew from it as if they realized something. As for me, I was just staring at Kaname, whom Aido-Senpai had placed within a casket of ice.

[Headmaster] Kaname-kun’s body is…? Within this ice casket?

[Aido] Yes. I didn’t want to expose Kaname-sama’s defenseless body to any danger, so I locked it up inside this casket of ice.

[Headmaster] You did well, Aido-kun. He’s not just an ancestor, he is a precious memento of my friends. We have to handle him with extreme care.

[Zero] It’s not because Kuran Kaname said that to me. I’m not going to run away anymore. You too, think about it slowly; it’s okay if you take your time. Considering your personality, you’d end up blaming yourself. At any rate, you have a lot to think about.

…God, forget about all of that. Say you’ll go with me. It doesn’t matter how many years pass before you tell me. It doesn’t matter if it even takes you decades. Just, please, say that you will before I dissolve into dust from starvation.

[Yuuki] Zero!

[Zero] I think my words reached Yuuki. But for two months, Yuuki could not separate herself from Kuran Kaname who was locked inside the ice casket, as if she could become one with him if she remained there. However, when Yuuki, who had a new life growing inside her, found out she was pregnant, she stopped sitting in front of the casket.

After 4 years, when the child was born, Yuuki opened up. I think it was similar to how trees bear fruit when they realize the end of their lives. The remaining purebloods along with the vampires that belonged to them, the new Church of the Hunters, and the humans who existed resembling human beings were no different. They impacted each other for the better or for worse. Occasionally, they would confront and compete with each other. Among the people who struggled with both sides, bystanders and those affiliated with cross academy did not allow me to return to the academy–the elderly purebloods as well. Of course, until the very end, it was all the Headmaster and Aidou Hanabusa. Aido found an extremely important item in the Kuran Family’s Library.

[Aido] Even though it’s a very old method, it’s amazing! It’s incomplete, but it’s research on how to turn a vampire into a human! Huh? This is Kaname-sama’s handwriting! He stopped right before he reached completion. It requires techniques that haven’t been invented yet… I don’t think it’s okay as it is. Yuuki’s sadness, and everyone's sadness…I don’t want to wait until it heals someday. So I’m going to change the fundamentals! I’m going to take over the book that Kaname left and continue to research!

[Zero] That very Aidou Hanabusa fell in love with Yuuki’s best friend, Wakaba Sayori.

And finally, over time, there was something I wanted to confess. There was something I always regretted. The day I found out you were a pureblood vampire, Why didn’t I try to tie you to my side? Why didn’t I struggle to keep you with me? Had I, that day, grabbed your arm tightly and said the words, “Don’t go!”, how would we have ended up? That’s right. I regret not being able to cherish that moment.

[Yuuki] After his heart melted, Zero was the one who stood with me when the first Anti-Vampire weapon was created.

[Zero] Hey, Yuuki.

[Yuuki] Yes?

[Zero] Shall we ignore the vampires that continue to threaten human life and take his heart out of the furnace?

[Yuuki] It felt like he saw my inner thoughts, the ones that had sunk into the depths of my heart.

[Zero] Or will you do your best to kill all the vampires, and then return his heart to where it belongs?

[Yuuki] That’s the worst choice. I intended to eliminate them completely. To think my heart stirs this much…I–

[Zero] No matter how many ideas come to mind, I think it’s wrong. I don’t want to leave behind this kind of world to the little baby within you.

[Yuuki] Zero’s words and the gaze from his intent, unwavering eyes dispelled something within me.

*Baby cries*

[Yuuki] After Ai was born, Zero started to laugh more.

[Zero] After Ai was born, Yuuki started to laugh a lot. And I was elated.

[Yuuki] I was also joyous seeing Zero laugh more.

[Zero] During the time we both spent thinking carefully of various things, many years flew by. Although our surroundings completely changed, it was as if we both were trapped in time. And nothing will change. I love Yuuki, and I will love the little existence that lives within Yuuki.

[Yuuki] As time passed, we let go of all the people whom we knew so well. I bid my last and final farewell to my best friend.

[Aido] Sayori-san, when I look at both of them, I get all flustered, like “Wow”! They’re really foolish. They’re like this, even though separation and farewell is inevitable.

[Yuuki] Time is passing. However, Ai is with me, and you too were by my side. It’s because you were here that I am able to smile like this. We went to see that person together. After many years, the three of us reunited.

[Zero] So much has happened, huh?

[Yuuki] We have been blessed with the birth of Ren.

*BANG!*

[Zero] No matter what, my home is always where you are.

[Yuuki] Another era passed. I’ll put the Bloody Rose with Ichiru-kun and your parents. You won’t mind, right, Zero? Although there were many occasions where we fought quite seriously with one another, I’ve received so much happiness from you, Zero. Today is the day the furnace’s fire will be put out.

Finally, Aido-senpai and the others have completed the research you began a long time ago. I wish I could use the medicine on you, but your heart, which we recovered from the fire, would not be able to withstand the effects. With the medicine, you would never wake up. But you know, with my life, I can turn you into a human. 

[Ren] Ah! He opened his eyes!

[Yuuki] You have been thirsty for the entirety of this long and endless journey…

[Ai] This is a message from mother to you, our other father: The world I got to experience during my time as a human…

[Ren] I finally bestow it upon you, whom I love very dearly.

[Kaname] What a beautiful, dazzling light.

[Yuuki] I wish for your thirst to be quenched. And alsoー

[Ren] Wow, you’ve become so skilled at handling a knife. Before, you’d–

[Ai] I can’t hear youuu~ Up until yesterday, I had sealed away my true powers. That’s why.

[Ren] You practiced a lot, didn’t you? How admirable of you.

[Ai] I’m telling you, I just unleashed my powers, okay? Come on, father is looking! F-father? Oh!

[Ren] Hey, that’s dangerous! We’re both holding knives, so it’s not safe to suddenly hug us like that!

[Ai] Excuse…me?

[Kaname] Yes? When I embrace you both like this, the depths of my heart become so warm.

[Yuuki] I’m right here.

--

[ @eternalpassions​ bought the drama CD tracks and requested the translation ]

[unhealthyfanobsession]

If you’re still taking prompts:

“Keeping a secret from your best friend is difficult... but when that secret is that you're madly in love with her, it's downright impossible. At least that's what Cassian thought, until he was a little tipsy and sharing a sleeping bag with said best friend. (College, modern AU)”

With smut please?🧎🏾‍♀️🙏🏽👀🥺

Oh hey bestie! So I think maybe you had like after a college party in mind for this but I went a… different way. Also it’s only smut-adjacent because I think good smut requires a Drabble of its own I think I’m sorry. Hope you enjoy!!!

Camping.

Nesta had two weeks between the end of her internship and the beginning of her last year of college, and somehow, she let herself get dragged along on her sister’s annual camping trip.

Their whole friend group was weird and twisted around like Ivy vines with who was closest to who, who was related to who, who was dating who, who had slept with who’s father (looking at you MOR!), and Nesta tended to avoid the big group things.

But this was only Feyre, Rhys, Azriel, and the real reason she was there… Cassian. Fucking Cassian dragging her off into the woods.

Nesta loved her sisters. She did. She wouldn’t spend time with them and pretend she didn’t hate their boyfriends if she didn’t love them. (Pretending not to hate Rhys and Lucien, for Nesta, pretty much required the energy of a full time job.)

She loved her sisters. But she was there for Cassian. Because she liked Cassian. Genuinely and entirely liked him. Nesta Archeron liked another human being. They’d been best friends since eighth grade when he tried to ask her out on the swing set and she elbowed him in the jaw.

Saying yes to that middle school date would’ve been the worst mistake of her life. Because then she’d have had this short drama filled relationship with Cassian and she wouldn’t have gotten to keep him. And she really loved that she got to keep him. Even if sometimes she wished he’d been her first kiss instead of Tomas.

Anyway, when he said he was going on this camping trip Nesta realized she had to go too. Because there was no way she was spending her free time somewhere that he wasn’t. He was her person. The person she wanted to spend her free time with.

“Pathetic,” Cassian grinned, plucking the pack right off of her back as if it weighed no more than a purse. As if she hadn’t been struggling under its weight for the past 4 kilometres.

“I agreed to camping. I didn’t realize a 7 hour hike was involved to get to the damn place.”

“Two hours at most, sweetheart.” Nesta scowled, pretending, as she always did, to hate his little endearments. “And all of the best spots require a hike. Otherwise they’re overcrowded.”

“Maybe overcrowded is a good thing. Maybe overcrowded means loud and safe instead of offering ourselves up to be a bear buffet.”

“I’ll protect you from any bears, I promise, Nes.”

Nesta glared. “You’re going to fight off a bear if it tries to eat me?”

“Of course I am,” Cassian nodded. “These muscles aren’t just for show.”

Nesta laughed. “How sad I’m going to lose my best friend on this trip. Don’t worry I’ll come up with something nice for the tombstone. “Here lies Cassian. Tried to fight a bear so his muscles would have a purpose.”

“I take it back, you can get eaten by the bear.”

“I’m going to shove you in front of the bear.”

Their water break had landed then both a few hundred feet behind Feyre, Rhys, and Azriel, so Cassian kept hold of her backpack as they moved, teasing her that he was still faster with two packs than she was with none.

When they arrived at the little clearing Nesta had to admit it was beautiful. Serene. A big patch of grass surrounded by trees with a stunning view over the mountains from a clearing just a few feet away.

“Worth the hike?” Cassian asked as he set up their tent. That was the deal. If Nesta was going to camp then he had to do all of the work. Because she didn’t know how to do it. Also he had to share his tent with her because seriously? Why would she own a tent? She wasn’t a damn mountain man.

“It is really pretty.”

“I told you you’d like camping, Nesta!” Feyre called out from over fifty feet away where Azriel, Cassian, and Nesta all banded together to force her and Rhys to put their tent. Far away from the other two. Nesta was so not sleeping on the ground AND listening to her little sister have sex all night.

“Cassian?” Consciousness pulled lightly through Cassian’s sleepy mind. “Cass? CASS!” He shot bolt upright, body instinctively turning to Nesta, looking her over, checking her for injuries or any other thing that might have her yelling his name into the pitch black tent.

“Oh good, you’re awake.”

Cassian laughed. It was probably 3am and she’d just woken him up, and still he was laughing. Man he had it bad.

“What’s up, buttercup?” He made a show of flipping around to face her even though he couldn’t really see her.

“I’m freezing.”

As his eyes adjusted, Cassian looked her over with a frown. She was bundled up in her sleeping bag, wearing his sweater… which he hadn’t given her, but he had discarded in between them before he went to sleep so that was fair game he guessed. It was far from the first time in over a decade of friendship that she’d stolen his sweater, but man… it still did something to him.

“Your sleeping bag isn’t made for below freezing temperatures, is it?”

Nesta stared at him. Blinked. “No. Why would it have to be? It’s August!”

“It’s colder up in the mountains,” Cassian explained. “Especially over night.”

“Great. I’ve been brought into the mountains to freeze to death and now Eris is going to win the gold medal for our year.”

Cassian laughed, “Well I can’t allow that. The horror.” This was probably a bad idea. No it was definitely a bad idea, but the words couldn’t be stopped from leaving his mouth once they popped into his mind. “Come share mine.”

Cassian half unzipped his sleeping bag and made a show of shuffling himself over.

“You’re too big.” She said.

“Thanks I work out,” Nesta glared at his cocky smirk. “Come on Nes, it’s this or letting Eris win the gold medal.”

Nesta huffed, but unzipped her sleeping bag and crawled over to his, her legs were cool as they tangled with his in the tight sleeping bag. Cassian pulled her in, one arm wrapping instinctively around her shoulders to pull her against his chest, before he zipped the sleeping bag up again after her.

This had been such a bad idea. But what could he do? Let her freeze?

Cassian told Nesta everything, so it was already difficult enough to be keeping a secret from his best friend... but when that secret was that he had been madly in love with her since middle school, the situation became impossible. And pulling her perfect body tight up against his and wrapping her in his arms, hands moving up and down her shoulders quickly to try and warm her up, was not helping the situation.

“Thanks,” Nesta murmured sleepily. “I’m already a lot more comfortable.”

Me too, Cassian thought but would never say.

“Hey Cass?” Nesta’s voice was teasing. “What do we do if you wake up with morning wood?”

Cassian chuckled into her hair, a little bit drunk on the familiar scent of rosehips and iron will.

“Then I guess we’ll finally have sex.” He deadpanned.

Nesta’s jaw dropped. Ok. Bad joke. “I’m not having sex with you for the first time in a tent Cassian!”

Now Cassian’s jaw dropped. That was her issue with his suggestion? “I… Nesta I was joking. But… the tent is the problem? The only problem?”

“Grow a pair!” Nesta batted at him with her hand, an impressive feat considering she was all but pinned between him and the sleeping bag. “I thought this was you finally making a move.”

Cassian stared down at her. It was pitch black, but even with just the shadowy outlines of her features, he could see her exact expression in his mind.

“I wouldn’t use you freezing as a ploy to make a move, Nesta.”

“And why not?” She humphed, “it’s the perfect opportunity.”

“It’s… coercive.”

“Do I look coerced to you, Cassian?” Nesta ran her foot up his bare calf and Cassian shuddered.

“I can’t have sex with you if you’re looking for a friends with benefits, Nes.” Nesta paused her movements. “I… fuck, our friendship means so much to me and I’m so afraid to fuck it up. And if we start having sex I won’t be able to handle it being just sex and you’ll start to resent me so we just… shouldn’t go there.”

Nesta’s arms wrapped around him now, struggling to span the full width of his chest. “And if it wasn’t just sex?”

“Please don’t fuck with me about this,” he whispered. Low and Ernest in a way he almost never was.

“What?”

“Dont joke about this if you’re playing around or I don’t… you have to know, Nes. You have to know how completely in love with you I am.”

“Yeah,” Nesta tucked her head under his chin. “I know. I’ve just been waiting for you to make a move.”

It was dark. Cassian could barely see her. But there, with his arms around his best friend in the world, sharing a sleeping bag to keep her warm, Cassian nudged her out of his chest and found her lips in the pitch black.

Why had he kept this secret for so long? Everything in the world was better when he was kissing his best friend.

[spencersmagic]

a knife twists at the thought - SR

Prompt: a knife twists at the thought that i should fall short of the mark - Arctic Monkeys

Summary: Spencer is new to this, and the poor boy is terrified

Couple: Fem! Reader x Spencer Reid (i picture season 2/3 Spencer but y’all do you)

Category: angst

Word count: 3086 words

Warnings: general criminal minds stuff, mentions and descriptions of torture, descriptions of loss, HAPPY ENDING!!, my 3am writing, tooth rotting love, uhmm spoilers for Orwell’s 1984 (if anybody hasn’t read it), humiliation, Spencer crying and breaking my heart (lmk if you need anything warned or trigger tagged).

A/N This is very loosely based on 2x15 (VERY LOOSELY). I’m quite proud of this one :)

masterlist // 505 series taglist

*****

They say you never see it coming.

When a tragedy occurs, and someone’s life is turned upside down forever, they never see it coming. It just... hits them. Like an oncoming car ramming into a bystander who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

No one has time to prepare. In our time-starved lives, there is no place for such a warning.

One day, you just wake up. And they’re not next to you. They’ve disappeared, leaving the stickiest, most unforgettable parts of themselves behind for others to grieve to: the smell of their shampoo in the pillows they used to share, the seconds just as you wake when you still feel like you have them - only to gain full consciousness and realise they left you behind - even the fucking jars, which never seem to be open because he’s just not there to do it.

And you feel your heart breaking all over again as your soul sticks to the parts that couldn’t be erased with the rest of him as he left. Because you needed him, you had him, and now he’s gone. No warning, no letter, no signs which could’ve helped you foresee such a tragedy, because how could he? He didn’t disappear on purpose.

She doesn’t understand why he's so absent. So unequivocally missing. And the person she would turn to to ask these riddled questions isn’t there to answer. Because he’s gone.

But they’re not there yet.

And she feels so close to that feeling - the helplessness, the pain, the empty cups next to her bed because he always carried them to the sink when she was finished with her tea the mornings of those rare days they got to sleep in. Those days when they had time. She can practically touch, with the tip of her fingertips, the waves of pain that would surge over her if he was gone for one more fucking minute.

She has to remind herself, over and over again, like a mantra. He’s not gone yet.

The “yet” at the end of her mantra just breaks her all over again.

She was always the one to tell Spencer “if you worry before something happens, in case it goes wrong, and then it does, you’ve managed to suffer twice through something painful for absolutely no reason”. It usually worked. Needless to say, she felt like a hypocrite right about now.

Because Spencer is gone. And she doesn’t know how to bring him back.

She knows only to watch the monitor, never once blinking, taking in everything that happened in that damned livestream - every word, every sound, every reference. She can only try to hear anything over the whimpers and sobs her love was letting out as he’s tortured by that man. She can only hear the cracks of his knuckles against Spencers soft skin, the same soft skin she had kissed mere hours ago before telling him to “be careful”. Her own way of saying the three little words the couple was too young to hear. She can only see his lips parting, sobs rumbling out of his body as the unsub abuses his frame over and over again - same lips which had kissed her forehead before telling her “i always am”.

Then again, she isn’t sure if its his voice which is filling her head with painful sounds or if her mind is playing tricks on her, memorising the horrifying vibrations coming from his chest for her to ever consider anything else. She hasn’t stopped hearing him since she turned on that damned computer.

She isn’t sure she’ll ever stop hearing it.

**

As a man of great intellect, Spencer always recurred to knowledge to understand difficult occurrences in his life. Burying himself in textbooks, novels, poems, and even music to understand pain, and himself having a life filled with it, he was an incredibly knowledgeable man.

He knew much. But right now, he only knew one thing.

In Orwells’ 1984, as Winston was being tortured (much like Spencer is right now), Orwell described the following:

“Never, for any reason on earth, could you wish for an increase of pain. Of pain you could only wish one thing: that it should stop. Nothing in the world was so bad as physical pain. In the face of pain there are no heroes, no heroes”.

And, as a man who had acquired most of his intellect by immersing himself in trivial content in the face of pain, he found himself doing the same thing as the unsub hurt him over and over again, each blow seemingly more painful than the last. As his skin bruised, a causality of his abusers torment, he analysed the seemingly logical quote.

It must depend on the person, he was sure. In fact, a number of factors must be taken into consideration at this statement. For starters, Winston lives in a society incapable of any human feelings. There is only dominance, and those who attempt, in vain, to challenge it. Surely, if he had felt happiness, like the one you feel when the first day of spring rolls around, or like the one that creeps up on you as you look into the eyes of your loved one, surely, he would understand that some things can outweigh pain.

Love.

If Spencer’s mind could make sense of what he was feeling right now, he would understand, something he would figure of were he to leave this damned place, that he was thankful to the Gods, were there any, for having the unsub kidnap him and not Y/N.

Winston hadn’t understood emotional pain because emotions weren’t dealt with regularly. They were discouraged. That’s why he believed that there are no heroes in the face of pain. Because he doesn’t understand emotional pain.

He knew he was suffering. He also knew that Y/N was at the other side of the blinking camera suffering more than he could ever imagine.

**

They say emotional pain lasts 12 minutes. Anything one feels after this would be the aftermath of the cause of the pain in question. Pure emotional pain, the one you practically feel in your chest, the one that says “i can’t think, feel or be. not until this feeling dissipates”.

She had learned this from Spencer.

And she wished it were true. As she watched that damned monitor, she wished that all the venom the unsub was spewing at Spencer, all the verbal abuse, was long forgotten. She wished he could only feel the physical pain. Because the mind is incredibly stronger than the body - it could keep him awake, alive, for just enough time for the team to rescue him.

The entire team had huddled around the monitor around her. She was painfully aware that other people were seeing this. Which meant it wasn’t her imagination. It wasn’t another one of those damned dreams she would have when she slept a little too far away from Spencer’s touch.

They had only been together for two months, but his touch was all that could get her to fall asleep.

She jolted as the unsub landed another slap on Spencer’s cheek, swiftly grabbing his hair for him to look into the camera. He had a cut above his right cheek, just where she would kiss him in the mornings, and bruises all over his neck, jaw and left eye.

“Say hi to your team!” he mocked Spencer, chuckling darkly as he moved his almost lifeless body around for the team to watch in horror. Spencer let out a heartbreaking sob, feeling so vulnerable.

“Why don’t we make this interesting?” he jumped, as if he had gotten an idea. The unsub reached behind himself to grab a pistol, clicking off the magazine safety to put one bullet in one of the eight slots, leaving the other seven free. He pointed it at Spencer’s temple.

Her entire body shook the thought of seeing Spencer’s lifeless body, held up only by the ropes and that sick man’s grip around his curls. The same curls she grabbed as she kissed his face when she wanted his attention.

“I’m going to ask you some questions...” he said, voice dripping with sickening sweetness as he turned the roulette, “and if i don’t like your answer i’ll pull the trigger! Let God decide what I do with you. Sounds good?”. He wanted to humiliate Spencer.

However, Spencer made the mistake of not answering him. He was quickly reminded as the barrel of the gun pointed right between his eyes, pulling the trigger, a loud bang! sound expanding through the barn.

“I asked you a question!” he suddenly yelled into Spencer’s face.

“Y-yes, Sir” he whimpered, shaking at the ease at which the man pulled the trigger.

“Good, you’re learning”.

**

She experienced it by bits. Hotch’s hoarse voice. “Talk to me Garcia”. “We’ve got coordinates”. Everybody rushing to the SUVs. Tripping over her own feet on the way to the car. Morgan’s voice. The iPad, which still carried Spencer’s whimpers and the man mocking tone.

“I’ve got your diary, Spence” his sing-song voice didn’t match the disgusting man she was looking at. Nothing made sense.

“And I wanna know why...” he drew out the ‘y’ as he looked for something between the worn pages between his hands.

Of course she knew Spencer owned a diary. But she was mature enough to keep her hands to herself and her eyes on her own pages as he wrote on his, eyebrows creasing as he recalled all which he had experienced during the day. His face would twitch slightly at the memories, both good and bad, as he basically described his day word by word.

“...why did you wait until you were 24 to lose your virginity?” he asked in a clear attempt to humiliate and ridicule Spencer in front of his team.

“I-I didn't-” he could barely finish a word before a sob wrecking through his body at the humiliation, chest rumbling and voice wavering. “I didn’t want to lose it before, i w-wasn’t in a hurry” he rushed out. The man brought the pistol to his own chin, tapping it as he thought. “Hmm... I’m satisfied with your answer. Let’s dig deeper, shall we?” he asked as he went back into the pages.

“ooh! This one is new” that sick bastard was having fun with this, completely unaware that the team was less than 5 minutes away from their location.

“Care to read what you wrote three days ago? Right here” he turned the pages so Spencer could read them, though he was painfully aware of that entry he was talking about. His body shook violently. “P-please. D-don’t ma-make me do t-this” he whimpered, body feeling defeated.

“Wrong answer” the unsub said before pointing a gun at him and pulling the trigger.

A shriek was heard from the iPad. The SUV went silent.

“He’s alive” she whispered, unable to speak up. “He-” she swallowed. “He’s alive. We’re not there, yet” her mantra became a reminder that she hadn’t been quick enough to help him. She had the tools to save him. Every second she had the knowledge to save him and didn’t was another second she remained impotent at the risk of losing the love of her life.

Spencer’s voice spoke from the iPad.

“C-can you at-at leas-st turn off t-the ca-amera?” he said between sobs.

And it hit her.

What hurt him the most wasn’t the memories he had to relieve, but the fact that the rest of the team would have to hear his most intimate thoughts. His deepest secrets.

He could bare the pain. The humiliation? That broke him.

“Aww” the unsub chuckled mockingly, “are you embarrassed?” he said, slouching down to look into his eyes. “Well too fucking bad!” he screamed into his face, spitting with every word he spewed at him. Spencer’s sobs got louder.

“O-okay okay!” Spencer caved, accepting the journal that got shoved into his face.

“Read, pretty boy” the unsub sang. That son of a bitch was having fun.

“We’re two minutes away, Y/N” Hotch said. Maybe it was he sobs, which were barely audible to herself, having accepted them as second nature after all the heartbreak she was experiencing, but Hotch needed her to be okay.

His own heart thumped into his chest, feeling as helpless as he’d ever felt. Seeing a member of his team - someone he was supposed to take care of, someone he was supposed to keep safe - was sobbing as he was physically and emotionally tortured. But he was painfully aware of the feelings Y/N was experiencing. The sheer fear that was running down her veins at the idea of them running out of time.

After a few sobs, Spencer started reading, interrupting himself occasionally with his whimpers:

“It’s been three months. Today, three months, seven hours and forty-six minutes ago, she did what I didn’t have the courage to do. She asked me out. “I’ve been wanting to ask you pretty much since the day i met you” she had said. Those words keep ringing in my head like a beautifully written symphony, intrinsically designed to make me face my deepest fears. Opening my scars one by one, dissecting them and reaching the simple conclusion that i was a coward.

She didn’t say it, but what she meant was “i’ve been waiting for you to do it, but you never did, so i had to”. We wasted time - a time so precious and sacred - because i was a coward.

I’ve never felt like this before. I never understood a love so deep as to move something so stubborn as the human spirit. I’ve read textbook after textbook, and novel after novel, and still I’ve never learned more than with her. But I was a coward. And i wasted her time. I fear that I still am.

A knife twists at the thought that i should fall short of the mark. It’s impossible for me to ever be enough for her”.

Her heart broke at this confession. Even worse at the thought that he wouldn’t’ve told her, instead inhaling fear and exhaling rejection at every breath he took next to her.

“We’re here” she heard Hotch, looking at her. She grabbed a bottle of water and dropped the iPad, not hearing the teams objections at the lack of vest and preparation and ran into the barn.

She isn’t sure if she’ll ever stop hearing his whimpers. As she runs closer, she hears them louder and louder, decorated with sobs and cries, and small, meaningless replies to his abusers’ mocking words.

She kicked the door down, the loud bang booming across the room, only helping in raising Spencer’s sobs as he feared the sound had been the result of a certain trigger being pulled. As she looks at him, she realises just how much pain he’s been put through.

She remembers Orwells words, much like how Spencer had remembered them mere hours ago. And disagrees, wishing over and over, praying to the Gods that she would be the victim of such atrocious abuse. She wished she could take his pain. Morgan joined her at her side mere seconds later, yelling. “FBI! Put the gun down!”.

Spencer used the last bit of energy to lunge forward, hitting the unsubs stomach with his head, successfully getting him on the floor for Morgan to apprehend. Y/N rushed to Spencer’s side, untying him, as his now nonexistent sobs grew louder and louder, not only at the prospect of getting out of that horrible place alive, but also at the knowledge that Y/N had heard what he had so dreadfully recited.

Spencer collapsed into her arms, crying into her in the same way she was crying into him, and she wondered just how to take away all his pain. So they cried into each other, desperately grasping each others hair, skin, clothes, anything that would make them feel like they wouldn’t have to spend another damned second without the company of each other.

Spencer was the first to break the silence.

“I need-” he stopped, coughing. She reached for the bottle of water she had brought with her because she knew he would need it. She always knew what he needed.

He chugged it desperately, stray drops falling down his chin at his eagerness. He took a deep breath trying to steady his lungs.

“I need to get out of here” he choked out.

She grabbed him under the shoulders, careful not to hurt him - not being successful, realising that there wasn’t much of him the man hadn’t hurt. Y/N pulled him out, sitting down on the grass with him. Their legs intertwined, pulling each other impossibly closer. They kissed, over and over again. Not as an act of any sexual relevance, but as a reminder that they had each other in any way, shape or form. That they weren’t out of time.

The team was certain they would stay there, never letting each other go for another minute.

After what felt like seconds in their time-starved little world, she broke the silence, which had only been filled with their own cries and occasional sobs.

“Spence” she grabbed his chin to look into his eyes. They were dull, red and hooded. He was exhausted. “Mhmm?” he let out, looking into hers. She was his solace.

“How could you ever think you were anything but completely and unequivocally enough?” she whispered the words he dreaded.

But as Spencer looked into her eyes he knew, better than he had ever known anything, that he was enough. And she was enough. He realised that which she had known for the past three months (possibly longer). They fit like two marvellous puzzle pieces.

Her hands grabbed his cheeks slowly, as to not hurt or startle him, pulling his forehead into hers. “Baby, I can’t imagine anybody else waking up to me every morning. You’re so much more than enough”, she planted a small kiss on his forehead before resuming her position. “I’ll remind you every day of the rest of my life if that’s what it takes for you to believe it”.

And with their eyes closed, foreheads and noses pressed together and legs tangled between each other, pulling each other close, closer - around grass and voices and his abuser pressed into the hood of a police car, they only felt each other. With their shaky breaths, even shakier voices, fearing any words that would leave them in case they triggered a cascade of tears down their oh so vulnerable cheeks, they were more than enough.

***

I hope y’all liked it!! Feel free to let me know by liking, reblogging, or sending me a message :) 

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