#wish i was a bit better at fight choreography

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF PRIORITY: THE CITADEL (PART 1)

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, and Thane Krios With: Flight Lt. Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Councilor Rannadril Bibsos Tembin Lesti Bensin Valern, Cmdr. Armando-Owen Bailey, and Kai Leng Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention. Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve. Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

[minkieater]

carousel – choi san ☄. *. ⋆

p. choi san x fem!reader g. non idol au, college boy!san w. smut minors dni PLS, alcohol consumption, smut is kinda kinky, toxic relationship, uhh san rocks you suck an. hello please don't be mad at me this had to happen for the lore, i also had to name you, apologies, if you share a name with shawty then congrats! if you've read luck you'll see some familiar stuff here, feel free to let me know anything you pick up on heheheh but seriously pls don't be mad at me wc. 10.7k

♫ – tear you apart, she wants revenge “it's only just a crush, it'll go away, it's just like all the others it'll go away or maybe this is danger and he just don't know”

cycle (sī-kel) noun a course or series of events or operations that recur regularly and usually lead back to the starting point

choi san regularly bounced between two moods. 

the first being a state of contentment, the second being complete and utter destruction. when he was content, the two of you were usually on good terms, and he felt good enough that he could keep his life on track. he could get his work done, he could go to classes, he could socialize with his peers with a smile on his face. 

when that peace was disturbed, more often than not by you, he was an absolute train wreck. all he could think about was you you you and when the two of you would fix things, if the two of you were really done this time, if he could reconcile the situation. sitting in class, remembering choreography at practice, being behind the bar at work… he couldn’t do a damn thing right. it wouldn’t be surprising if he forgot his own name when you were on bad terms. 

san has never been a fighter. when arguments arise he’s usually never the one that starts them, he’s the one begging to end them, opting for a peaceful compromise instead. despite the way he looks, san is a softie, something that took you by surprise and kept you by his side for almost a year.

you know him. you know his favorite color, his favorite show, his favorite album, his parents’ names, where he grew up, why he’s in school, who’s putting him through school, his biggest fear, his dream in life. you see how he looks at you, how he drops everything for you in a second, how he talks about you when you aren’t around to defend yourself. you know him better than you know yourself sometimes — you’ve been two peas in a pod since the beginning of your sophomore year, but yet the same question remains. one he’s asked you hundreds of times, one you could never find an answer to without breaking his heart. 

so instead you pick fights, argue to your heart’s content, damn near terrorize him on the regular just for the same fact to be true: choi san also knows everything about you. 

he knows exactly why you aren’t together, why you beat around the bush every time he asks you that same question, the sole reason why you freak the fuck out every time he asks you to give him just a little bit more. choi san knows very well that his love is unrequited, and he understands even the things you won’t tell him. he knows who you really love, he knows you’ve loved him since the summer before your freshman year, when you met at that concert. he notices when your eyes are the brightest, who you’re looking at when he wished you were looking at him, when you laugh the loudest. he notices everything.

if he’s anything, it’s observant. he’s been hanging out with you and your friends since way before he was your little secret, he’s been on your friends’ rooftop for parties more times than he can count. the first time the two of you slept together he couldn’t believe it was actually happening, the second you looked at him with lowered eyes and glossy lips he thought his eyes had been deceiving him for months prior. you looked at him like he was your last meal, your prey that you caught with your bare hands, you needed to have him or you’d die of starvation. he let you take the reins, took it all in with open arms, he wasn’t going to question a thing. for how long you had been obsessed with chan, he’d been obsessed with you. 

you’d met early in your freshman year, when chan had first gotten his apartment shared with three others, when they first started throwing their legendary parties that had been the talk of campus for ages to follow. san had gotten the invite through wooyoung, his best friend, whose close friend has dated chan’s roommate since freshman year. the moment he first saw you was nothing short of a movie scene, you were on the dance floor, definitely one too many drinks deep. you were dancing with felix, holding his hand, twirling your hair as he spun you in a circle. your smile, your eyes that were shut so delicately, your body that moved with such a fluidity, you were the embodiment of freedom. you looked like you couldn’t care less about anything, like the moon went down and the sun came up just so you could breathe another day. the world revolved around you. it was like everything he had ever done in his life leading up to this moment, each decision he made was to get him on this rooftop at this moment in the middle of soho. 

san had a few drinks himself and found himself on the dance floor right beside you. minho was with him, a close friend from his dance class, and then felix beside you. he couldn’t help but steal you for himself. he brought out the dancer inside of him but still followed your lead, spun you himself just as felix had, let your backside dance across his front one too many times for comfort. you picked up on how he was holding back, letting himself match you instead of taking the lead, and you couldn’t ignore how it sparked your interest. anyone besides felix that wasn’t in your group of close friends would be mindlessly grinding against you with an eyebrow raised and a smirk, but not him. 

for a moment you let yourself think the bar is deep in hell, then you introduced yourself (more like screamed your name at him) over the pounding music that could be heard two blocks down. the first thing you noticed were his broad shoulders before you took in the rest of his clearly strong build. complex, fox-like eyes that held too much power in them and a sweet smile that contrasted his hard demeanor, it all vexed you, but intrigued you so much more. 

out of everything, his hands give you the most whiplash. where they were long and limber they felt soft and warm, even the calluses on his palms somehow felt softer than every man you’ve ever come in contact with. compared to his chest which felt hard and strong, the contradicting features forced your mind straight in the gutter. there’s no doubt he’s beautiful, anyone could see that from first glance, but in that deep, hypnotizing voice he has, you could hear what kept itself hidden. it was a facade, that build and sexy voice, you could tell just from a few words that he’s not what he appears to be. 

at first glance you’d assume he was just like any typical guy, buff and egotistical and harsh. but looking for a moment in those eyes, listening to that soft voice, you could hear what he wasn’t saying, like his thoughts were being displayed for you on a silver platter. they enticed you to dig deeper, peel him open layer by layer, find out what no one else knows. beyond warm hands and a sturdy build, there was a softness to him that wasn’t inside of any other man on that rooftop. except one other. 

by the end of the night, minho had led san to the notorious smoking corner, where he’d come to learn the same people tend to gather and hangout towards the end of the night. thankfully, one of those people was you, and the rest of your little group of friends that he’d later come more than acquainted with. none of you really smoke, which was the weird part, the smokers would come and go around your seating area, but it was still named the smoking corner despite it. 

“you said your name was san, right?” you asked, an inviting smile on your face as he sat down right next to you on one of the cushioned chairs. it happened to be the only one open and had him thanking a god he didn’t believe in for the small favor. 

he nodded quickly, tight lipped smile on his face, dimples on display. even with the liquor he was nervous, he wasn’t one to spark up conversation, especially at a party like this. “you’re a dancer?”

“how’d you know?” your smile somehow got bigger, eyes widening with surprise, “i’ve danced my whole life.”

he shrugs, “one dancer to another.”

“you go to NYU?” you asked, turning your body to face him in your own chair.

“dance program, i’m in the same hip hop class as minho,” he pointed to minho who was standing somewhere to the side of the two of you. 

“ah,” you nod with a smile, “that makes sense, i’m in the theater program, i originally wanted to be in the dance program, though.”

“hey guys,” the two of you looked up at the same time, another pair of broad shoulders, massive biceps, and a beautiful smile staring straight at you. you could feel your heart rate pick up, your breath get caught in your throat, a heat cascading over you like the rooftop had suddenly raised fifteen degrees. 

san could feel his smile leave his face as he watched the scene unfold in front of him. the way your eyes lit up, the pink that raised to your cheeks, how you slightly stumbled over your words when you first spoke to him, he tried not to let his expression drop to a scowl. he knows you like him, maybe even love him, he couldn’t decide from the short interaction between the three of you. not that he wanted to know, anyways. 

san decided then and there that chan was his enemy, a one sided war he was willing to put up the good fight for. from a quick dance and a conversation, he had decided you were worth the fight, you were worth the long game, you were worth whatever it took to get you. he thinks it shouldn’t be too hard to win you over, with some effort and consistency, he should be the one you look at the way he desperately wants you to in no time. he knew he was good looking, he sees how women fawn over him left and right at parties, only sometimes letting them get any further then silly attempts to take him home. that ping of jealousy only jumpstarts his motivation, begs him to tap into whatever is making these women throw themselves at him.  

five parties and three months later, you made him feel like he was in the lead. small conversations here and there, longer dances that with each party turned more and more scandalous, once or twice you clearly felt him behind you on the dance floor and you didn’t pull away, you kept going until you made it so evident he couldn’t hide it in his jeans. moments of hands brushing and stolen glances across the smoking corner, he waited long enough, but he’d wait however long it took for you.

the night when you gave him that look that he knew meant you were taking him home, he couldn’t contain his excitement, he couldn’t hide anything from you already. you could see it all over his face, he could tell from the smirk you wore on your own lips and the cocky laugh you let out. you were playing with fire, and his specialty was water.

you knew he wanted you from the first time you met. whether he knew it about himself or not, despite his easygoing words and soft hands, you knew there was a side to him you desperately needed to unveil, you needed to experience, you needed to know like the back of your hand. it felt like tainting his innocence the more you got to know him, his personality reflected the opposite of what he portrayed on the outside. from that hard, chiseled look he has to the soft, tender persona, you wanted to tear him apart. you wanted to know what made him tick, what pissed him off, what got under his skin, how he acted when it did. 

you had him exactly where you wanted him, and he was letting it happen, fully aware of the attraction that was finally being returned. you looked at him differently that night, and unbeknownst to him, it was deliberate.

chan was out of sight, off with some dark haired girl he met hours prior. you watched the scene unfold in front of you, from when they exchanged names and phone numbers down to the moment when chan took her hand and led her inside his apartment. you watched them over heads through the dance floor, keeping your vision focused on the two of them like some fucked up form of tunnel vision. like what they say about trainwrecks, you should look away, but for some reason you can’t. your skin was burning, you were beyond angry, feeling an emotion that laid somewhere outside of what you’d ever experienced toward him. betrayal? abandonment? treachery?

none of your feelings were valid, chan had no idea how you felt, you never told him. he was more than allowed to take whatever dark haired bitch he wanted into his own damn apartment that seungmin’s dad pays for, that’s more than permissible. you have an apartment too, one that you and your roommate pay for yourselves, one that you could also take someone back to. your life didn’t revolve around him, his actions would not determine how your night would go, despite the feelings you have for him.

that’s when choi san caught your eye, across the crowd with his gorgeous face and incredible body. you felt the light bulb flash above your head, you knew exactly what would take the edge off, what would mend the heart chan had just broken in two. 

“you know, we always hangout here, but we never see each other outside of these parties,” you flipped your hair over your shoulder, looking up at him through your eyelashes. 

“never thought you wanted to,” he shrugs, lowered eyes watching your every move like he was waiting for the switch to flip.

“and why wouldn’t i want to? have you looked in a mirror recently?” it felt lame when it left your mouth, he didn’t seem to agree as a faint blush crept onto his cheeks. he turned away from you, a low chuckle leaving his lips.

“every morning at the gym, gotta make sure my form is right,” his shy smile turned into a faint smirk, and your own grows, hints of mischief creeping at the corners. you knew exactly what he was doing, mentioning the gym. like a moth to a flame, your eyes glazed over his biceps, which he flexed the moment your eyes left his. 

“every morning? very disciplined, aren’t you?” you ask, smile turning lopsided and nothing short of flirty. 

“very,” he nodded his head, “you should come with me sometime, get you some discipline, too.”

“and what about me makes you think i’m not disciplined?” your eyebrows furrow, tilting your head.

with that question his smile grows, dimples showing themselves once more. “brats always need discipline, and that’s exactly what you are. a little tease.”

your smile displays all of your teeth, exactly the answer you were hoping for. the side you knew he had in him, that version of him not many get to see, excitement flooded through you like a tidal wave. you were on a power trip, your plan worked with ease, you wanted to pat yourself on the back. 

“do something about it,” you sipped your drink through your tiny straw, staring at him through your lashes once again. 

within thirty minutes you were back at your place in manhattan, your roommate still at the party, you didn’t even let her know you left. in that one conversation you’d forgotten all about chan, the girl with the dark hair, and why you were in this situation in the first place. all you could think about was san, with his dark chocolate eyes and honeyed skin and arms strong enough to flip you around. you were overflowing with adrenaline, excitement, and greed. you wanted all of him, needed all of him, a need that has been lying dormant for months. you’d been curious about him, wanted to know what he kept hidden inside, too focused on chan to dig deeper into him.

san couldn’t fucking believe it. couldn’t believe he was in your bed, your walls that were covered in posters of rock bands and singers from the 80s, some faces he’s seen before and plenty of others he hasn’t. records cover one wall, soundtracks from different musicals, little trinkets filling every inch of open space on your bookshelves. your room was so undeniably you, from the smell to the color scheme, he took every inch of it and burned it to memory. he tried not to stare too much in his learning, telling himself to focus on you instead, he’d he back, this isn’t a one time thing. he couldn’t be more right. 

the moment his lips touched yours he couldn’t believe he’d gone so long without tasting you. a kiss so sweet, so rushed, so hungry, he’d never felt anything like it. he knew you'd wreck him, become too important to him, become a valued person in his life, for a moment he thought maybe he should stop – this was all too good to be true. 

when you whimpered in his mouth after a light grind to his crotch, he took all of his thoughts back. there was no stopping this, no hands could pry him off of you, he needed to see every bit of you. he needed to kiss every inch of your skin, inhale the scent of your sweat, he yearned to worship you. he wanted all of you, he needed to rein himself in, not get too excited so he could last. 

you fought for dominance on his lap, tongues in a rushed wrestle, strong thighs wrapped around his hips. as those soft hands of his squeezed the fat of your ass, you let out a yelp, grinding yourself into him. you wanted to hear any kind of noise, any harsh breath he might release. you wanted control, he didn’t want to give it up, at least not without a fight.

he scooped your waist with one arm, flipping you over, pressing you flat against the mattress. you mustered out a hushed fuck as the realization finally hit you: his biceps aren’t just for aesthetics, the sheer strength of one is enough to throw you around, and it’s strength he will use to his advantage. 

“as much as i want to be thrown around,” you broke the kiss for a moment, “save it for the next time.”

you wrapped your legs around his waist and lunged yourself forward with your hands, hips on top of his once more, your bodies sitting upright. as much as you wanted to revel in the gain of dominance, you knew he just willingly allowed you to do that, he could’ve stopped you with ease if he wanted to.

“see what i mean? brat,” he broke the kiss again with a huff, a smirk painting his own lips for a moment before returning them to yours. 

your right hand moved up to grip his throat, pushing him an inch away from you. on his lap you were taller, staring down at him, he looked up at you with a spark in his eyes you haven't seen yet. his eyebrows furrowed, not in confusion or hurt, but want. need. he liked this, he wanted this, and you couldn’t help the wicked smile that touched every feature on your face. 

“watch your mouth,” you tilted your chin up, looking down at him at a harsher angle, the act itself a display of dominance. in combination with the harsh tone to your words, he nearly quivered in your grasp. a strangled groan left his lips as your grip tightened for a moment, blocking his airway, before releasing him completely. you reached for the hem of his shirt, ripping it over his head with ease. 

“look at you, so fucking sexy,” you said as the cotton hit the floor, examining his exposed upper half in awe. chiseled abs, even sitting down, and a chest you’re sure could knock you out if it came in contact with your head. he was beautiful, perfect even, not an inch of him unsculpted. 

his breath turned heavy under your stare, eyes lowering into a different version of himself, a submission of sorts. he had no fight left in them, he gave up control, let you take it, and you were going to run with it. 

you brought your lips to his jaw, kissing down his neck, hands running over every inch of bare skin. he tugged at your top at the same time, tugging it over your head, unclasping your bra with just one hand. 

“done that before?” you asked with raised eyebrows and a playful smile, and he chuckled. 

“once or twice,” his reply was mindless as you fumbled with his belt buckle beneath you, slipping it out of the loops, throwing it to the floor. 

“hungry?” you asked and his eyes quickly met yours, confusion crossing them before realization set in. you didn’t wait for an answer as you pushed him back on the bed with your index finger to his chest, not having to muster up any force at all. 

you quickly sat up and slipped off your jeans and underwear, leaving yourself bare in front of him. he leaned up on his elbows for just a moment before you crawled back on top of him, further up his body until you sat right over his face. 

“no touching unless i tell you to,” your voice was stern, he nodded in understanding and you took that as the green light to plant yourself on his awaiting face. 

you moaned the moment his tongue came in contact with your soaked center, lapping up everything you had to offer. you stilled for a moment, letting him work himself on you, his tongue gliding through your wetness. 

“fuck, sannie, so fucking good,” you moaned out, a hand reaching down to tug at his styled black hair. he groaned in response, hands lifting off of the bed, but they didn’t touch you, didn’t even come close. 

you started riding his face and he stuck his tongue out in response to your movements, letting you have your way with him, grinding back and forth to use him for your own release. if you weren’t gone in your own pleasure you would’ve smiled at the eagerness, the willingness to please you. 

“fingers, please baby,” you gasped out, babbling your words, “need you to make me cum. you wanna make me cum, don’t you? all over your face?” 

his right hand came between your legs to slip two fingers inside of you, mouth moving up to your clit, wrapping his lips around the bundle of nerves. he curved his fingers toward himself immediately, hitting that one spot inside of you that made you see stars, you started babbling and whining praise like you’d been doing this together for years. 

“so fucking good sannie, fuck,” you cried out, grinding yourself against him, the knot in your stomach tightening with every harsh suck to your clit. he brought his other hand up to smack your ass and you moaned out, the dam bursting, your release coating his fingers, past his knuckles. you rode out your high, his fingers and mouth working in tandem to get you through it before overstimulation set in. 

“mm, taste so fucking good baby, could eat you all night,” he announced the second you lifted yourself off of him, his voice octaves lower than earlier. you watched as he licked his lips so erotically, the action making you want to sit yourself back on his face and ride him until he couldn’t breathe. 

you sat next to him on the bed after climbing off of him instead, your orgasm took the need for control right out of you, you had your fill. you wanted to be taken care of, filled up, you didn’t want to think about anything other than your own pleasure. always observant san picked up in your change of energy, letting his own switch to another before continuing. 

“need to be inside you,” he said as he sat up, taking his jeans and boxers off in one go, “you have a condom?” 

you shimmied yourself down the bed, head hitting the pillow before you shook it, “‘m on the pill.” 

“dirty girl, where did that energy from earlier go? hm?” that dangerous smirk returned to his face, his dominance returning in just one sentence, “did i eat it all out of you? wanna be a good girl for me now?” 

he leaned himself over you, strong arms beside your head caging you in. you lifted your knees up to your elbows, spreading yourself for him.

“shut up,” you mumbled, feeling the tinge of embarrassment, “fuck me already.” 

“that wasn’t very polite, thought you were ready to behave,” he shook his head, “only girls with manners get fucked. should i put my pants back on, go back home?” 

“no! no, don’t go,” your arms came up to grab onto his, your eyes widening, “i’m sorry, i’ll be good. please, san, i need you.” 

a wicked smile crossed his face before he leaned down to plant a kiss on your own, “good, i hoped so. breathe for me, okay?”

you glanced down between your legs, realizing you hadn’t even seen him. you nearly gasped at the size of him, eyes widening, his length was perfect but the girth of him was more than intimidating. he spit into his hand, stroking himself, lubing himself up to slide into you easier. you nearly drooled at the sight, mouth agape, pussy clenching around nothing.

the whole act felt so sinful, so carnal, you so easily opened up to him with a side of yourself you don’t show until you’re fully comfortable. you blame your adrenaline, your hormones, how horny you were when you arrived, ignoring the real fact of how comfortable he made you feel to show so much of yourself to him. 

as he lined himself up you couldn’t ignore how it all felt right, you’ve had undeniable attraction to him for months now, but this… this was something entirely different. this was a beginning, the prologue chapter of a novel, the first episode to seasons spent with him. when he pushed himself into you and you had to physically remind yourself to breathe, you had to acknowledge that he fit so perfectly with you, his body felt like it was meant to be above yours. these weren’t feelings of a quick fuck, feelings from a one night stand, this was raw, intimate, unique. special. 

“so fucking big,” you huffed out, voice strained, eyes squeezed shut, fingers clawing at his biceps. 

“breathe, baby, you got it,” he praised you, encouraged you, and it did what it needed to. you breathed in and out, let him sheathe himself inside of you. as he bottomed out he groaned, a beautiful noise, one that could lure you to sleep if you heard it enough. he stayed there for a moment, letting you get used to the stretch, letting you relax around him. 

“so fuckin’ tight, baby, breathe,” he instructed, leaning down on his elbows to kiss you, distract you, take your mind off of the stretch. you tried your best to relax your muscles, unclench yourself from around him. 

“there you go,” his praises were a sweet song, easing you out of discomfort, “tell me when i can move.” 

you waited a few moments, returning your lips to his before grinding yourself against him. you felt your slick coating him, helping you glide up and down, and he let you for a moment — just a moment before he knew for sure you were comfortable. 

he pulled all the way out before bottoming out once more, and you yelped into his mouth, breaking the kiss to let your head lean back into the pillow.

“there it is, there we fucking go,” he mumbled as he started on a rhythm, “good fucking girl.” 

a string of moans left your lips, your hands still clawing at his biceps, body reacting to him without your brain allowing it. “so fucking good sannie.”

“thought you were so fucking badass earlier, huh? ordering me around like i’m your bitch?” that smirk returned to his lips again and all you could do was moan, staring at him through half lidded eyes, “look at you now, baby. all lifeless and limp, all for this dick?” 

“yes, san, all for you. just for you,” you mumble, words jumbling together, not knowing if your words even sounded clear. 

“yeah, baby, just as i thought, all for me,” he pistols himself into you, grabbing your hips, making you meet his thrusts. you were losing your strength, letting him have his way with you, just an incoherent mess beneath him. 

he reaches forward and grabs your jaw, “don’t go anywhere, eyes on me.”

you look up to him, eyes wide, that fuzzy space you were slipping into locked away for now, “you can go there eventually, not yet, not this time.” 

your eyes started to roll back as he shifted his hips upward, the mushroom tip of him rolling against that one spot so deliciously. with how quickly that knot formed once more in your stomach, you were surprised that drool wasn’t slipping down your chin. 

“right there, please don’t stop, gonna make me cum,” you can’t even hear yourself, so drunk on his dick, his assertiveness, you loved it. you’d never had your energy matched like this, never had a fuck like this, never had someone know you so quickly and easily. 

“hold it,” he ordered, and your eyes nearly bulged out of your head. how could he expect you to hold it, when he was hitting that spot too perfectly, doing everything in his power to get you there?

“i swear, do not fucking cum,” he smacked your hip and tears formed in your eyes trying to hold it, fighting every nerve in your body to not release around him. 

“i can’t! i can’t,” you babble, tears falling down your cheeks, and he released a long fuck, his voice dropping even lower. 

“cum for me, want you to cum around me, please,” his orders turned to begs quickly after he saw your tears. he leaned forward to wipe them off your face, bringing his fingers up to his lips. the string snapped and you gushed around him, legs shaking, a loud cry leaving your lips, probably heard in queens from the sheer volume of it. 

“where do you want me?” he quickly asked, his own words sounding shaky, slurring together. 

“inside, inside,” you begged, reaching up to cup his cheeks. he leaned down to kiss you as he released himself inside you, filling you up, thrusts slowing as he worked himself through it. 

he stayed there for a moment, forehead pressed against yours, heavy breaths being poured into each other’s mouths. he sighed as his forearms began to shake, finally pulling out of you, laying next to you.

“you okay?” he turned his head at the same time as you turned yours, eyes sharing too much of something yet saying nothing of it.

“‘m great, you?” you cracked a smile, the both of you still somewhere that wasn’t here, slowly coming back from two completely different headspaces. he nodded, returning the smile, and the two of you laid there for what felt like ages. 

sleeping with san was something outside of anything you’ve ever done. you’d slept with plenty of people, had plenty of experiences, explored what you liked and didn’t through many trials and errors. to have such an incredible first experience with someone, to have it flow so easily, to match each other so perfectly… it was almost unbelievable, it set unrealistic expectations for anyone you’d ever sleep with again. 

you needed him that night, needed that experience, needed whatever was going to distract you from whatever the hell chan was doing – and it worked. you needed that distraction for months to follow as chan continued to see the dark haired girl, who’s name you came to find out was eden, always hanging around on the rooftop, following him wherever he went. like a roach, never wanted, yet never went away. 

months you spent cooped up in your room, anger flowing through your blood as you watched his instagram stories, cute pictures of her posted every day. posed pictures together in times square, clubs on the weekends, clips of them getting drinks together on a random weekday afternoon. you couldn’t help but pick everything apart – what they were doing was touristy, corny, nothing you would do with him, nothing you would enjoy. you knew chan didn’t enjoy any of that, either. 

every time you pictured dates with him or fantasized about any time spent with him alone was always private, intimate, enriching – you’d be painting together, drinking wine in your living room as you played your favorite board game, watching a tv show from start to finish together. you were in the same major, maybe even studying together, bouncing ideas off of one another for assignments or projects, but nothing so flashy. chan hates time square, hates drinking in the middle of the day, and especially hates clubs unless there was a special occasion. you knew all of these things, you knew him, you felt the same way as him. yet he was still doing all of those things with her, playing in her garden, wasting his time when he should be focused on school, his career, his future, you.

in those months there was only one thing that could make you forget about chan, forget about eden, forget about the situation altogether. during class you were frustrated, in auditions, rehearsals, you couldn’t even study without the tv on and music playing simultaneously. if you had a singular moment of silence your brain took you back to him, took you back to what you could’ve had, what you never tried for in the first place. it was debilitating not being able to get anything done, being so one track minded, the only thing that could make you focus was san. you’d text him daily, always asking him to come over, always ending the night between his thighs. 

he always came, he always said yes, he never once said no to you. he didn’t ask any questions, didn’t make you explain your frustrations, only listened when you did speak about trivial things like school or rehearsal. you didn’t want his opinion, didn’t want his advice, only his company and the pleasure he never had any difficulty in giving you. it was perfect for those months, in your own world, the sanctuary you created in your bedroom with choi san. 

the moment when your relationship changed, you didn’t notice. there was no light bulb, no moment where you consciously started looking at him differently, yet it changed without your knowing or consent. you didn’t acknowledge it when you did notice, you didn’t want to, your heart was saved for another. yet you still talked about everything together, did all of those little things you dreamed of doing with chan. your fears, your dreams, your childhood, your favorite things, you began to know him so intimately without being aware of it. you watched grey’s anatomy with him, you played video games, you drew funky little doodles of each other on your notebooks. 

you started to crave him when he wasn’t around, and not just because he was your distraction, but a friend. he was good for you, he encouraged you to be consistent with school, you practiced lines with him, sang duets from different musicals with him. your relationship was raw, it was truth, it was naked, it was everything you wished for, it was everything you needed at that time. 

san fell for you. he fell so fucking hard, so headfirst, it was a bottomless pit with no end in sight and he couldn’t stop himself from digging further. everything he saw in you that first night was still there, only amplified into something he couldn’t hide anymore. he was at your beck and call, anything you needed, any time of day. he knew why you were so attached to him, he figured it out the second he went to the rooftop with wooyoung again, high off of his night spent with you, ready to see you again. when you were nowhere to be seen and he caught chan with his arm around the girl from his contemporary class, he put the pieces together quick. he knew you must be heartbroken, knew you needed support, a friend who knew nothing about the situation. it quickly made him realize his place in your relationship. 

he fought through the horrific realization with optimism, the returning thought that with time you’d see, you’d realize he was better for you than chan could ever be. as he spent more time with you and got to know you better, it only made his feelings deepen. your laugh, your thoughts, your competitive side, the way you’re so quick to fight back and assert your dominance, but give it up even faster… it was like an addiction, it wasn’t good for him, he knew it wasn’t, he knew it when his grades first started to slip. when he wasn’t on point at practice, too sleep deprived to remember choreography. minho read it all over him, knew something was wrong, knew san had gotten into something he shouldn’t have. 

“what’s up with you, man? this isn’t like you,” it was a rough practice that day. san was sat on the floor with his knees hugged tight to his chest, rubbing his eyes to force the exhaustion out of them. 

“just an off day,” is all san mumbled before he stood up slowly, grabbing his bag to sling over his shoulder.

“off day? you’ve been fucking up for the past week, san, you’re center,” minho put his hand on san’s shoulder, stopping him before he walked away, “they’re gonna put someone else there if you don’t get your shit together.”

“i get it, minho,” san turned his back, and minho’s grip only got tighter.

“what the hell is going on?” he asked, turning san to face him, “you can talk to me, we’re friends, you know.”

san’s hand returned to his face, trying to rub off his discomfort, this feeling that he should keep everything to himself, “it’s a lot.”

“is it a girl?” minho was quick with the question, eyes lowered, seeming to read san before he could get any words out. he started to walk, keeping his hand on san’s shoulder, encouraging him to walk alongside him. 

san answered with a coy nod, the answer seeming too taboo to say out loud. minho was a direct link to chan, he should be happy to talk about the fact that you were sleeping together. what he couldn’t shake off was the fear that you’d be angry at him for telling anyone. 

“did you get her pregnant or something?” humor was laced in minho’s tone, trying to ease up the straightforwardness of the question, but he was genuinely worried by how san had been acting.

san gasped, “preg- no! god, no,” he shook his head, “i hope not.”

minho laughed, “that doesn’t sound convincing. if she’s not pregnant then there’s no reason to be so torn up, why are you?”

they walked out of the building into the wet humidity of the city air, “like i said, it’s a lot. it’s my fault, though.”

“quit beating around the bush and tell me,” minho stood still, staring at san expectantly, “you can trust me.”

“if i’m going to tell you, i need a beer.”

an hour later they were seated at prince, not a popular dive bar in the city, but popular amongst your group of friends and whoever they introduced to it. san nursed his beer, barely getting two sips in before he was spilling everything about the last six months to one of his best friends. 

“i can’t wrap my head around why you keep fucking her if she loves another guy,” minho shrugs, “especially chan, at that. she’s been close with him since he moved to the city.”

“it’s not about fucking her,” san sighed, “i’m in too deep, i think i love her. even if i didn’t, and it was just about sex, it’s too good to stop.”

minho’s jaw physically drops, mouth hanging agape for a moment before he snaps it shut, straightening his left hand to start counting on his fingers, “so you love her, she doesn't know you love her, she loves someone else who’s in a relationship, and you spend every free moment with her. and you have so much sex you don’t sleep.”

san’s lips pull into a tight line, giving minho one long nod in response.

“there’s no way she doesn’t love you back if you’ve spent that much time together in six months, i can’t believe you kept all of this shit hidden for so long. you need to talk shit out, man.”

it was music to his ears, san’s entire body filled with a joy he’d never felt before when no way she doesn’t love you back left minho’s lips. he felt like he was putting a puzzle together in his brain, that actually made perfect sense, how could you not return anything he felt for you? you also experienced all your time together, got just as close to him as he did you. 

he barely gave minho another half hour before he was barreling out of prince and on his way to your apartment. 

“hey baby, how was practi-”

“i need to ask you a question.”

your head whipped to your front door, never hearing san sound so desperate outside of the bedroom. his eyes were blown, his eyebrows raised, fully out of breath from running up the flights of steps to your apartment. your blood ran cold, you knew this question was coming eventually, you were savoring every moment he didn't ask it. you stood slowly, facing him from the couch, eyes expectant.

“i’ll give you an answer,” you replied casually, keeping your voice steady. 

“do you want to be with me?” his words felt empty, as if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to say them, yet he still sounded like he’d been dying to ask the question for months. he didn’t blink, kept his shoulders back, dance bag dangling from his fingertips.

“san,” you said calmly, taking a step towards him. 

“i don’t want to freak you out, please don’t freak out, it’s just been six months and i really enjoy you and your company and i love being around you, i love spending nights with you, the sex is incredible, everything just seems right,” a smile graces his lips with a pause. when you stared back at him in disbelief he panicked, his heart in his throat, “i’m sorry if i freaked you out, this is too much, isn’t it?” 

you took a breath, closing your eyes for a moment. the day you’d been dreading had come – the end of a perfect half year. 

“i can’t be in a relationship right now,” you blurt the first thing that came to mind, and his face dropped immediately. “i enjoy you, i love our time spent together, i love that you’re around all the time, you’ve been a huge help to me these past six months. i couldn’t of done it without you.”

you’ve been told these words before, you’ve been in his position before, you’re spouting the same venom that’s been thrown at you. you felt  as if you were shoved in a corner, not fully believing your own words, but you needed an excuse more than you wanted to say the truth. 

a sad smile crosses his face, “i get it.”

“i don’t want to stop whatever this is,” you walk closer to him, grabbing his hand, “and it could grow into something really great. i’m just not in a position to open my heart to anyone right now.” 

“i know, baby. the last six months have been rough on you,” his heart melted, even if he knew the reason why, he also knew that it really did hurt you. you needed time to heal, time to focus on yourself, time to get back into the dating scene. he’d be there, first in line when you were ready. 

“i knew you’d understand, thank you,” you stood on your toes, attaching your lips to his. ten minutes later you were on your knees, right back to normal like that conversation didn’t even happen. 

in just two weeks you’d started going out more regularly again, meeting your friends at prince, going to chan’s rooftop whenever felix told you to come. your friends that noticed, despite you keeping your appearances up, asked where you’d been, why you’re back, and you gave them the sophomore year bullshit of classes were hard and summer is here again! at your age, parties were a dime a dozen, you had plenty of excuses to be out of the house and away from your issues, stopping reality from hitting you that you were playing with fire once again.

you did have feelings for san, even if it was your own fucked up version. there was no way you couldn’t with how much time you spent together, how much you know about him, how much you care for him. but the other problem that you will never forget is still there, staring at you from across his own rooftop. 

you care for san, but the love you feel for bang christopher chan is so much fucking more.

“hey! i feel like i haven’t seen you in ages!” his smile is huge as he crosses the crowd, clinking his drink with your own. you blushed, that was basically him saying i missed you. 

“same here, how’s everything been? happy classes are over?” you asked, gripping your drink a little tighter. 

“incredibly happy classes are over, even happier this terrible fucking year is over,” he chuckled, “me and eden broke up, i don’t know if you heard. she cheated on me with some columbia architect, whatever.”

broke up? he’s… single again?

your jaw dropped, and you fought to keep the excitement to a minimum, “no, i didn’t know, i’m so sorry, channie. fuck her and that architect!”

he laughed again, a belly laugh that made you want to jump his bones, “what about you, though? seeing anyone?”

his question took you by surprise, “i- uh, no, i’m not,” your giggle was nervous, wanting to change the subject immediately. san crossed your mind, a thought you quickly shut down.

“you’re never seeing anyone, dude, we have to set you up with somebody, can’t go through your whole college experience without a shitty boyfriend or two,” it was a joke, a bad one, but it still made heat rise to your whole upper half. why was he asking? he’s never asked about your love life before. 

“i’m good off a shitty boyfriend, i’d rather be alone if that’s the case,” you shake your head, then sip through your tiny straw. 

“suit yourself,” he palmed your shoulder with a hand that completely enveloped it, and you felt the skin underneath burn. 

you felt eyes boring into your head from behind you, and you quickly turned, scanning the area. you saw your roommate and her boyfriend in the smoking corner, minho and han, then san, who was leaning against the concrete of the wall separating the rooftop from the drop to the ground below. like a hawk, he watched you through lowered eyes, taking in every move. you quickly turned back around, expecting chan to still be there, but he was gone, probably off being a good host to his party. you wiped the chill off of you, finishing off your drink, dismissing the guilty feeling creeping up your spine because chan is single again. determination washes over you, this time you’d be hell bent upon telling him how you feel, finally getting your chance to be with him. it was your turn this time. 

san was beyond frustrated. watching you talk to chan after all of these months, even from afar, picking up your body language, he was sick to his stomach. the way you shifted from foot to foot, unconsciously leaned into his touch, flipped your hair behind your back to show off your décolletage, san could pick up on exactly what you were thinking and he hated it. 

san wasn’t in the lead, he was forever the number two, your favorite best kept hidden secret. he was sick of it, sick of being with you behind closed doors, sick of dropping everything for you, sick of being under your spell. he knew his place, knew it enough to where he didn’t even approach you on the rooftop. he knew there would be a call, a text, a fucking messenger pigeon that would get him in your bed tonight, he was sure of it. when chan went back inside the apartment for the night and didn’t have a soul beside him, he knew exactly how the outcome of the night would go, and he was excited for it. 

as san slammed your apartment door shut behind him, you jumped nearly a foot in the air, turning to furrow your eyebrows. the two of you ended up leaving together, an outcome that wasn’t on his list of possibilities – no messenger pigeon needed. he was surprised, he didn’t think you’d even want to be seen getting in the same car as him. 

“what was that for?” the slam startled you, it was unlike him, he was delicate with everything he did.

“i’m sick of this, ri,” he shook his head, standing by the entrance to your kitchen, not following you into the living room. your stomach dropped, you should’ve seen this coming.

“what do you mean?” you opted for obliviousness after a pause, unsure of how to go about this conversation again after your last one was just two weeks ago. 

“i’m sick of being your secret, whatever the hell i am to you,” he ran a hand through his hair, “actually, that’s a good question. what am i to you, riley?”

you gulped, your eyes widening, coming to yet another moment of silence. you didn’t know how to answer, didn’t know how to tell him what you didn’t know yourself. 

“you don’t know? or you know and can’t say it?” he understands your silence, using his hands as he speaks, “tell me the truth.”

“i don’t know, san, a friend?” your voice is unsure, small. you wanted to shrink yourself, wanted to be anywhere but here, having this conversation. this is the first time you’ve seen this side of him, you and san had never argued before, the last time you had this talk it didn’t have any anger or frustration. 

“a friend? i’m a friend?” he laughs, a sarcastic chuckle that you’ve never heard leave his lips. you must’ve gotten away with it two weeks ago, this was really the end, there was only one way this talk could go. “a friend that knows every inch of you, a friend that’s spent more time here the past six months than the apartment they still pay rent at? that’s a fucking joke, riley.”

tears gathered in your eyes, ones that you weren’t exactly sure why they were there, you felt caught. bombarded with a choice you didn’t want to make. he was finally understanding your web of lies, finally over it, over you. you weren’t ready to let him go, you wanted to continue to live in your bubble with him, you wanted him to stay. you didn’t let them fall.

“what do you want me to say?” you don’t have a rebuttal, you don’t have any sly words that could change the topic, even momentarily change what he’s feeling. you chose anger, deflection.

“i want more, ri. i want you, i’ve wanted you since i met you. there’s no way you don’t know that,” he sighs, turning around, running that same hand through his hair. 

“and i can’t give you more, san, so what do you want me to do? force myself into something i’m not ready for? i’ve told you my piece,” you walk towards him, standing just a few steps from him.

“no, riley, i don’t want you to force yourself into being with me, that’s ridiculous. when we’re in public you barely look at me, let alone speak to me. what are you so afraid of? why can’t anyone know about… this?” he turned around, his own eyes glossy, looking down at you through damp eyelashes. your blood ran cold, colder than it had been from the moment he slammed the door, that familiar guilty feeling sitting in the pit of your stomach. 

“why do you need people to know? why do you need our relationship to be publicized? is being with me, here like this, not enough for you?” the laugh you let out was dry, calculated, “if it’s not enough then maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore.” 

a small gasp left his lips, barely audible it could’ve been just an intake of air, his visage twisted the moment you spoke those words. with his lips and eyebrows turned downward, that slight anger, frustration, morphed into a sadness you never wanted to see again. 

“that’s not what i want,” his voice is smaller than you’ve ever heard it, a shy mumble, his gaze pointed downward at his fingers which played with his rings. “i don’t want to fight with you.” 

“i know, baby,” you stepped forward, placing a hand on his soft, reddened cheek, “i don’t want to fight with you, either. want you to be happy.” 

“i’m happy with you,” his voice cracked, a raw tone, as he glanced back up at you. his eyes red, glossed over, full of emotion, it broke your heart. you could never truly make him happy, you knew that, but you could momentarily.

“then let me take care of you,” and that you did, like you always did, the same way you did two weeks ago. you rode him to oblivion, until he forgot why he was upset in the first place, the same thing he did for you six months ago. 

a week later, you’d fought again. plenty of times.

almost every day for the whole week you started an argument over something so fucking stupid and you couldn’t stop. everything he did pissed you off, every time he tried to fix it, it pissed you off even more. you were overflowing with so many different emotions you couldn’t breathe, you needed space, you needed him, you needed chan. you were too overstimulated to think clearly, if you were ever thinking clearly to begin with.

the guilt from not returning his feelings, but not being at ease when he isn’t sleeping in your bed.. it didn’t make any sense. you felt insane, suffocated in the overwhelming feelings you couldn’t bring yourself to return. you liked san, you liked everything about him, but the fervent feelings he had towards you mirrored what you felt for chan. 

there was now nothing left unsaid. there was no unspoken deal between you anymore, no weapon left to use to let yourself get off without consequence. you were uncomfortable, uncomfortable with his feelings, uncomfortable with your own, you felt shoved in a corner you couldn’t walk away from. 

the only things that stayed consistent in that week were chan’s rooftop, chan’s living room, and his incessant need to talk to you every damn time you were there.  

san felt like he was losing his goddamn mind. 

he wished he could go back in time and take back everything he said, his confession, his feelings, he had ruined everything. you would go from not answering him to getting pissed off that he answered your text with ok instead of okay… it seemed like he couldn’t do anything right, in a constant state of fear that today would be the day you break it off with him for real. 

his day to day life was only getting worse. he was making cocktails wrong at work, not replacing ice, handing the wrong beer to patrons at the bar. he got replaced again in his spot for his dance class, reprimanded by his teacher, minho gave him not one but two additional talks about getting his shit together. 

he hadn’t seen you since the night you argued two weeks ago, he hasn’t even been going out for just a glimpse of you, he’s been playing catch up for what felt like weeks. to make matters worse, he was pent up, he’d been so used to a consistent sex life, he needed release. he needed a night to let go of you, all of the whiplash he’d endured for weeks now, he needed a night to just be himself. to forget.

he called wooyoung, his best friend who was always out in the city, always had plans. thankfully he was going to a club that night to celebrate your roommate’s recent internship acceptance. wooyoung assured him that you wouldn’t be there, it would only be a couple of your roommates' close friends. he didn’t ask why you wouldn’t be there, he tried to convince himself he didn’t care, he needed to start forgetting now.

he hopped out of bed and got ready fast, the clock already past eight, and headed over to meet the group before going to the club. they were all familiar faces from the rooftop, despite him only knowing wooyoung super intimately. all of the nights he spent at your apartment your roommate was usually at her boyfriend’s, and if she wasn’t, her and her boyfriend were cooped up in her bedroom.

but here he was, in a club he’s never heard of in the middle of manhattan celebrating her.

“have a drink, sannie, do something,” wooyoung slung his arm around san’s shoulder, bent behind the booth he was sitting at, “don’t just sit there and mope.”

san nodded, not having much to say if it didn’t have to do with you. he sipped his beer mindlessly, listening to everyone talking around him, their conversation had to be more entertaining then the jail he created for himself in his own mind. 

“...i’ve been trying to get them together for years! i’m so happy it’s finally happening!” your roommate says loud, drunkenly, talking to yunho’s girlfriend. 

“years?” yunho’s girlfriend asked, brushing her hair behind her ear, “why the hell did it take so long?”

“when they met they were all just good friends, then i was introduced and started dating jeongin pretty much immediately, i’m the one who noticed how she felt about him. she wouldn’t admit it for ages, until i finally got it out of her, and pretty much immediately after that chan started dating eden, you remember her, right?” san’s ears perked up at that, his stomach dropping immediately. he put the pieces together quicker than ki could run her mouth. the drinks from the pregame clearly made her filter pretty much nonexistent, this is a conversation he wasn’t supposed to be listening to, something he wasn’t supposed to hear. she didn’t notice the extra ear, but her boyfriend did.

“ki,” jeongin interrupted, eyes glancing back and forth between san and his girlfriend, talking over yunho’s girlfriend.

ki ignored him, too deep in her own conversation, “yes! like two weeks ago or something it finally clicked, they’ve been seeing each other since.” 

“who?” san interrupted, panic in his voice. 

he knew who, from the bottom of his heart. a little over two weeks ago was when san started the fight between the two of you, ever since then you’d been off. he hasn’t seen you. he knows damn well who.

ki’s eyes were wide, her jaw agape, and jeongin’s hand went to his forehead. 

“san, i-”

“who are you talking about, ki?” san sat a little straighter, his chin jutting out, “who’s been seeing chan for the past two weeks?”

“i think you already know who, san, i didn’t realize you didn’t know?” ki’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, her hand holding her drink a little bit tighter. yunho’s girlfriend looked between san and ki, also confused, too nervous to ask any questions. the tension was thick in the air, too heavy for a night of celebration. san could feel the control he had over himself lessening by the second. 

san laughs, a dark chuckle, and something inside of him shifts. he’s done, he’s so fucking done. he feels stupid, it’s always been chan from the start, it’s always going to be chan. he tried telling himself months ago that you would see he was better for you than chan ever could be, but he was clearly so fucking wrong. chan would always be your endgame, it would never be him, no matter what he did for you. no matter how much he tried for you. no matter how much he begged for you.

everything he’s been feeling for the past two weeks, the confusing feelings, the constant begging just to see you, the amount of apologies he’d given to someone who didn’t fucking deserve them. how many times had you texted him when you were next to chan? how many times had you ignored him because you were next to chan?

san doesn’t get angry, san isn’t a fighter. san’s always been a peacekeeper, a problem solver, water to put out the fire. 

he is so fucking over it.

he thought about his grades, how long it’d taken him to bring them back up. his rehearsals, his performances, the center positions that had been taken away from him. how many bottles of beer he’d thrown away at work from constant fuck ups. how many times he’s gotten grilled from more people than he can count on his hands. 

he ignored ki, instead he looked into the crowd, suddenly remembering exactly where he was. he reached forward and grabbed one of the bottles yunho bought and took a long swig from it. he looked out in the crowd again and spotted a pretty little blonde thing almost immediately, and took a moment to reflect.

he remembered his life before you, before chan, before that fucking rooftop. how women fawned over him, flocked to him, how obsessed they were. how he didn’t have to try for anything or anyone. he passed the bottle to wooyoung behind him who was so taken aback he hadn’t said a word. 

“san, we can leave, we can go, it’s okay,” wooyoung said, bent over once more, taking the bottle from san’s hand, “we don’t have to stay here, let’s go.”

“if you’re not going to drink that then give it back,” his reply is so curt it sliced through the air like the knife ki just put through his chest, “we are not leaving.”

wooyoung took a swig of the bottle, a proud smirk growing on his face, “finally, man. let’s be done with it already.”

2:27 am ri: u up? ri: i miss you

[beomie3]

shoong! - choi yeonjun

pairing: boyfriend idol! yeonjun x fem!reader

summary: an upcoming dance challenge video with one of yeonjun’s role models has him nervous, overworking himself with the tricky choreo. but you’re by his side, there to relax him in more ways than one ;)

wc: 3.9k

warnings: smut, cursing, heavy make out, oral (both giving/receiving), unprotected sex, yeonjun is down bad (so are you), also tons of fluff too!<3

title track: shoong! - taeyang

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

"stop! start again," the choreographer's voice echoes throughout the dance studio for the tenth time tonight, biting your nails as you watch yeonjun hang his head in frustration.

his black tank top was beginning to pool with sweat, occasionally lifting it to wipe his forehead as beads formed near his hairline. to say he was tired was an understatement.

after practicing all day for an upcoming tour, he also had to master a solo dance for a challenge video promotion he would be filming soon. you could practically feel his exhaustion from afar when he shot you a tired glance.

you lifted your fist in a "fighting" gesture, being the only form of support fueling him. because right now, the choreographer was on his case and it angered you, if you were being completely honest. you wished she would tone it down a bit. but yeonjun found her harsh orders a helpful form of guidance, always pushing himself to the extreme.

the choreographer cued the music and it began echoing throughout the mirrored studio, the only sound booming other than yeonjun's sneakers squeaking onto the wood floor and her shouting down from five.

he began to move fluidly with the music like he was one with it, moving his hips and arms and legs perfectly, even better than what the choreography called for. he was the best dancer you'd ever seen, and damn was he passionate in what he did.

the song came to its end and he had to lay on the cold, wood floor for a moment to catch his breath, standing up immediately when the choreographer approached him.

"great, now with better visuals." she almost scolded him, noticeably bringing him down with her backhanded compliment. more visuals? but lady, he is the visual. it took everything in you to restrain yourself from walking over there and saying just that. but doing that will probably do more bad than good, ultimately having to painfully retract yourself.

you furrowed your brows, fingernails aching as you watched your boyfriend get into position again, somehow mustering a natural and sultry smile as he did the dance over, body flowing perfectly with the deep bass of the song.

your heart ached for him, already thinking of all the ways you would take care of him after he was done practicing, wanting to give him all the love and care in the world after getting through such a physically draining day.

yeonjun doubled over after the song ended and the choreographer signaled he had "passed" with a few claps and a thumbs up from the staff room, dismissing him for the night as he chugged water and wiped sweat from his face.

he sluggishly made his way over to where you stood by the changing room, melting into your arms as soon as he reached you. it felt as he had just gone for a swim, damp from head to toe with sweat.

"you're gonna kill it tomorrow with taeyang," you assured him, gently rubbing his wet back as he breathed you in. you knew yeonjun was nervous for this, he had worked his ass off perfecting the choreo because he always looked up to taeyang even since his trainee days. and now, he was going to film a promo with him, how surreal.

"i know," he whispered into your hair, the small smile on his face obvious because of his tone. you looked up at his flushed face, plump lips tugged into a sweet open-mouthed smile as he still caught his breath, running a hand through his dark, wet locks.

"c'mon, let's go home," you patted his hip and he nodded sluggishly, quickly slipping on the fresh hoodie you brought him before wrapping an arm around you, exiting the dance studio together.

~

once you returned to your apartment, you ran junie a shower like you always did after a long, hard practice; either joining him to wash up or staying back in the kitchen to make him his favorite soup while he showered.

today, you made his soup faster than usual, leaving it covered on the stove to retain its warmth while you went to go check on him in the shower.

steam escaped the bathroom as you opened the door, knocking on its wooden frame to advise him you were entering. his head poked out from the shower curtain, black hair slicked back from the water; a heavy glint of worry in his eyes, lips slightly downturned. baby :(

you felt a pang at your heart, immediately entering the steaming room and wrapping your arms around his wet body from where you stood, not caring that you were still fully clothed. you could sense that look from a mile away; he just wanted to be held. to be told everything will be okay.

"i'm just...really worried about tomorrow. what if i mess up? i can't do that in front of taeyang, i just can't." his voice was frail and he sunk his face into your neck and sighed, melting into you as your shirt quickly became soaked from his wet head of hair.

"yeonjun, you're the best dancer i've ever known. the best person i've ever known. you'll do amazing. you are amazing." you lightly massaged his shoulder with your palms, feeling him melt deeper into the hug. his face softened at your kind words, but he still struggled to even fake a smile.

"get in with me?" he didn't even let you respond before he was pulling you in, helping your clothes off and throwing them off next to his on the bathroom floor. he hugged you even tighter now, both of you silent under the running water, just holding him there as he breathed you in, sighing as you stroked his damp hair.

"it's all going to be okay," you whispered into his skin, gently pressing loving kisses to his neck. you wanted to relax him, give him all of your physical affection to remind him of just how much you love him. to calm his nerves before the big day tomorrow which you knew he sure as hell would kill.

trailing your kisses up his neck, under his jaw, and meeting your lips with his pillowy ones, he kissed you back softly.

"don't worry junie." you whispered against his plush lips. this was what he needed; your kisses and your reassurance. the warmth of your body pressed to his in a tight embrace. like you were an angel, coming to save him of all of the harshness of the world.

"it'll all be okay," you trailed your fingers to the tops of his shoulders, lightly rubbing the sore muscles while pressing tender kisses to his collarbones, sensing him lean his head back to the shower wall, relaxing under your touch.

you gently squeezed the muscles of his arms all the way down to his hands, following with the trail of your lips across his chest, working your way down to his lower stomach, where his abdomen slightly tensed in sensitivity. you knelt in front of him, looking up at him with kind eyes, and he looked down at you with a half-lidded gaze, neediness clearly present.

"just relax," you smiled up at him, and he gave you a small nod, the corner of his lip slightly upturned and sucked between his teeth, savoring your delicious touch. his member had already grown helplessly erect since you first started showering his neck in gentle kisses; pressed flush against his stomach and just waiting for your magical touch.

you gently trailed your fingers over his flushed tip, deriving a small shudder from your boyfriend as he leaned back onto the shower wall, eyes closed, just enjoying the moment. you took his heavy hardness into your hand, gently stroking him, kitten-licking the pre-cum off of his tip just the way he needed it.

he sucked air between his teeth at the sensation of your warm tongue on his sensitive tip, a low moan escaping his lips when you licked up and down his length, swirling your tongue on the sensitive skin. you were just too good.

his hand fell to your hair, tangling his fingers between the wet locks as you took him entirely into your mouth, tip hitting the back of your throat and slightly making you gag, the feeling fucking fantastic to him.

the way you looked up at him with tears pooling in your eyes from sucking him off so good made all worries flee his head immediately, only thing he could do was watch you, enjoying the insane pleasure you gave him.

his groans grew louder, echoing throughout the bathroom, spewing your name as you quickened your pace, doing everything so perfectly he could just bust at any moment. the way you trailed your fingers up and down his thighs, tracing his hip bones and running them across his abs had him going insane, pleasure through the roof as he released a loud moan, back arching against the shower wall.

"you're so good baby," his voice was low, tongue emerging to wet his lips as you began stroking and sucking simultaneously, getting a good rhythm going before he was a moaning mess, bucking his hips into your hand, rutting himself deeper into your mouth.

"i'm so so close," he pressed his head back onto the wall, slightly pulling at your hair, still gentle with you. but when you quickly flicked your tongue on his tip, it was over; inviting hot cum to shoot all over your mouth, licking your lips clean of it.

he huffed out of breath, eyes half open as he gave you a lazy grin, fucked out of his mind. helping you to your feet as you hugged his waist, he pressed kisses to the crown of your wet hair. the sound of his chuckle brought warmth to your heart; that's all you wanted, was to see your boyfriend happy and worry free.

"your soup is warm and waiting for you in the kitchen," you stroked his cheek, smiling when he placed a small kiss to your lips. he couldn't quite find the right words to thank you, so he pecked your lips repeatedly, holding you so tight. he even forgot exactly what he'd been stressing over, thanks to you. just knowing you'd be by his side tomorrow was all he needed.

~

and there he was again- next day in the studio, examining his outfit in front of the large mirrors, and you were too; checking out the beige, designer sweater he sported along with some baggy pants and black shoes. he was already absolutely killing it and taeyang had yet to arrive.

you noticed his slightly uneasy posture when he looked over at you, the hint of nervousness in his expression. you beckoned him over quickly.

jogging to over you when the staff weren't looking, you handed him a small napkin, holding the weight of his favorite cookie you had baked him this morning before you drove over to watch his big filming day.

he unraveled it, revealing the small sugar cookie with "yj fighting<3!!" piped onto it perfectly with baby blue frosting, bringing a blushing smile to his cheeks which he failed to hide with his other hand, finding it the cutest thing ever.

he slipped the cookie between his lips, smiling even bigger when the sweet flavor soothed his nerves. "you're the best," he praised your baking skills with a full mouth, chewing quickly and giving you a quick peck on the lips before running off to the dance floor when the choreographer emerged from the staff room.

the minutes went by of watching your boyfriend gain more and more confidence during his warm ups, rehearsing the song thoroughly before the arrival of the other idol.

you almost wanted to kick your feet at watching yeonjun's reaction to meeting taeyang; their interaction was professional yet so wholesome, bowing every second they could and you smiled, so happy to see your boyfriend enjoying himself with one of his role models. you were beyond proud of him, and you're sure many other moas felt the same.

after some small talk, it was time to begin filming, and you dialed in on yeonjun, praying that he would find his confidence through it all. and boy did he ever; moving so in tune with the music that he practically became it, mesmerizing you.

and damn was he sexy, moving his body carefully yet rhythmically with each beat, giving it his all when it came to his solo in front of the camera. he gave the camera a few winks and he looked over at you after each take, shooting you the same wink. you simply melted in your little spot by the changing room.

the sound of shoong! by taeyang was long engraved in your ears by now as it was probably the hundredth time hearing it over the span of two days. but you could never get tired of watching your man dance, eyes trailing his every slick move; every subtle rut and roll of his hips and flick of his tongue over his lips. feeling so lucky that such a man was yours.

you felt yourself slightly hold your breath during each take, fingers crossed that yeonjun would be happy with his performance and not too hard on himself, and every time he shot you a satisfied smile after each monitoring period, you brimmed with happiness, so glad he could see himself shine the same way you did.

after several hours of watching your boyfriend and taeyang dance professionally through the choreography countless times, getting takes with every angle possible, they said their goodbyes and he was dismissed for the night.

a large smile grew on junie's cute face as he ran over to you like an excited puppy, wrapping his arms around you tightly, nearly picking you up.

"see!! i knew you could do it! i'm so proud of you." your words simply meant the world to yeonjun, gazing into your sparkling eyes as you both brimmed with contentment. his love for you grew in this moment, wanting to repay you for being so amazing.

you weren't even halfway through the front door of your apartment before you had to come up for a breath amidst your heavy make out with yeonjun, his hands trailing everywhere imaginable on your body as you stumbled past the door.

shutting it with his foot, yeonjun scooped you up, wrapping your legs around his hips as he pressed you against the wall of the living room, decorating your neck with kisses and love bites.

"we deserve a little celebration don't we?" he mumbled already out of breath against your ear, and you nodded, basking in the excitement of the moment.

"you actually did so good junie," you kissed his neck softly as he carried you to the bedroom, hearing his small giggle as he set you down on the bed.

"only because of my #1 cheerleader," he leaned down, pressing his hips in between your legs and reuniting his lips with yours. the kisses were hot and passion-filled, making him begin to sweat even after all of the dancing he had done tonight.

he helped your shirt off of you, throwing it off to the side where your shoes were also kicked off, kissing a trail in between your breasts and down to your pants, undoing the button with a swift tug.

you could already feel wetness pooling in your underwear from the moment he was playing with the hem of your waistband in the taxi on the way home, occasionally slipping his pinky under and tickling the skin, hinting at you of what he wanted to do tonight.

and here you two were, not even home for three minutes and already a whimpering, moaning mess as you made out half naked on the bed, lips swollen from his nibbles as he lightly circled your clit through your panties.

you pulled his sweater off and threw it aside, running your fingers across his damp skin as he shivered, smirk widening against your lips. his lips ghosted down to your waistband, leaving a trail of kisses and goosebumps behind as he slowly peeled your underwear from your throbbing wetness, just begging to be touched by the handsome man in front of you.

teasing you with a few thigh kisses, he spread your legs far apart, hooking them under his elbows and then over his shoulders as he got a good look at you, licking his lips at how delicious you looked glistening in the dim lighting of the bedroom.

"thank you for being there for me, always," he flicked his eyes up at you with a warm smile, diving in between your legs before you could even say anything back but the moan that escaped your throat, arching your back at the sheer pleasure as he licked up and down your folds gratefully, savoring every bit of your essence.

yeonjun knew what the hell he was doing in many different aspects. in this one, he for sure knew how to make you scream his name and have you coming all over his face in a matter of minutes.

curling his fingers up to hit your jackpot, hot pleasure dispersing throughout your body, eyes rolling back as he fucked his fingers into you, flicking his tongue against your bundle of nerves deliciously.

one loud moan of his name and your legs were shaking on his shoulders, giving out when you rode out your wave of absolute pleasure, leaving your juices on his fingers which he licked clean.

he was quick to kiss you again while you caught your breath and recovered from the pulsations of your orgasm, helping him unbuckle his pants and dropping them to the floor; every vein visible on the imprint of his rock hard member through his underwear.

you were already soaking wet again when you helped him peel his underwear off of his hips; the sight of his dick springing out had your mouth practically watering again, just needing to lick off the bead of precum that formed at his tip.

but that was all he allowed you to do, wanting to take care of you this time, considering last night only he had finished and not you. in his eyes, you deserved to come even twenty times if you were up to it.

he took control, pressing you back down onto the bed as he kissed you, his warm member nudging against your stomach, so hard you just wanted to be stuffed full already.

taking your legs in either of his hands, he held them up in the air, tapping his tip against your entrance and then entering slowly to give you time to adjust, easing in so effortlessly due to how drenched you were.

he threw his head back at your warmth that engulfed him to no end, walls sucking him in perfectly. he threw your legs onto his shoulders so that they bent at the knees, hands on the plush of your hips to support each of his thrusts as he began to slowly and deeply pound into you, your moans echoing though the room with slaps of skin.

his hips snapped rhythmically against your own, which after all, yeonjun knew how to use his hips considering how amazing of a dancer he was; leaving you mesmerized with them more so after watching him dance tonight. and now you were getting to see him use them up close and personal, grinding skin to skin against you with every twitch inside of you, practically wanting to scream.

he fucked you slow and deep, then hard and fast; knowing exactly when to speed up or slow down. not to mention, he liked to switch positions frequently, flipping you so easily around like you were putty in his hands.

he had you on all fours now, ass in the air as he pounded into you from behind; doggy being the best angle to spank you in, because he knew you loved it.

"fuuuckkkk," he drew out his words, a groan in his throat as he watched your ass bounce back onto his thighs, kneading the plush of your skin with a firm grasp and slapping it gently.

you were already about to come again and he could sense it by the way you tightened around him, growing louder as he reached around to palm your breasts, fingers circling your sensitive nipples.

"jun-" you could only moan half of his name, chanting it over and over like a prayer, sheets messy with sweat and some drool as you buried your face into the pillows.

"wanna come on my cock y/n? yeah? give it to me." he spoke through gritted teeth, giving it to you so good you were on the brink of exploding.

you spasmed violently all over him, doing everything in his power not to finish quite yet; thrusting into you slower to let you catch you breath, gently turning your face with his fingers to kiss your lips, warm chest pressed to your back.

before you knew it, he flipped you over again, his body weight melting on top of you as his cock was still buried deep inside, subtly twitching as you fluttered around him. he went slow, kissing you in what felt like slow motion as he hit the deepest parts of you, splitting you open with each of his thrusts.

his face was flushed, even more than when he dances, eyes half-lidded and sultry and gazing deeply into yours, lips plump and dark middle part messy over his wet forehead. he was sexy as ever.

his hips stuttered and you decided you wanted to give him a break after doing all the hard work, maneuvering him so that he lay on his back, you on top.

he got a beautiful view from this angle, well, you each did. but he smiled, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he gently palmed your tits, trailing his fingers down your waist and over the plush or your ass.

you rode him steadily, watching his dick stretch you perfectly from where he was laying. you thought maybe you could last a little longer for him, but the moment his thumb rhythmically massaged your clit, it was over. there you were bouncing on him, getting yourself off to the friction of his tip against your g-spot and nearly crying at how amazing he felt.

sensing you were so close and tired, he began rutting his hips up and into you, fucking you so hard you were almost dizzy, fisting the sheets in your hands as he pulled them from you and interlaced your fingers with his instead.

"you're so fucking good," you moaned at the last second before he was finishing inside of you, the warmth spreading around your core and pushing you to the edge as well as you collapsed to his chest in a sweaty heap.

you both breathed heavily, your head rising and falling on his chest as he caught his breath, pushing his wet bangs out of his face before hugging you tight.

you both lay there, pressing kisses to one another, talking about the events of the day and how excited he was to see how the promotion would turn out.

"tell me why that song is still stuck in my head," you weakly laughed on his chest, envisioning the smooth choreography in your head and how well he danced to it today.

"maybe i'll teach you?" he smiled down at you and you happily nodded, knowing that you two would probably end up back in this bed because dancing with yeonjun always gets you heated.

he kissed you again, so satisfied with everything in his life; knowing that if he had his #1 supporter next to him, he could conquer any hard choreo.

<3

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

a/n: if you made it this far, tysm for reading! <3 this is inspired by the t:time ep of yeonjun’s behind the scenes shooting of shoong! and i’ve also been trying to learn this choreo so why not write a fic!😭 hope you enjoyed <33

[kunikame]

in your system, even pluto is a planet. - i. mao

warnings : mostly mao centric, gender neutral, astral ref (my trademark trust), my formal apology to all maoPs for redamancy

w/c : 889

isara mao has always been second best.

it is how he spent most of his life, it is what he’s ultimately used to. he knows he would never be first– he knows he's not good enough to be first.

those are the facts, the truths he’s had to abide by since he was a child. no matter how hard he tried, there was always someone who was, simply put, better.

yet to accept a truth is easier than to stop hoping he could one day break the cycle.

he’s reminded of this once more as he watches his unit-mates work on their next choreography. as a friend first and unit-mate second, he will always be proud of them, will always support them and help make them shine if he can.

that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. 

watching them so easily become what he’s always wished he could be. isara mao is well aware he could never sparkle like they do.

as it turns out, he’s the only ‘trick’, whereas the other 3 are the ‘star’.

to accept it is slightly different than it is to continue fighting it.

and that’s where you come in.

while anzu may be their primary manager, she’s been kept busy by other units recently, so to keep trickstar functioning properly in her absence, you’ve been assigned to help them out instead.

mao wouldn’t exactly call it love at first sight (though makoto yuuki would beg to differ)– he simply has good intuition when it comes to people. he just knew you’re a good person, so he stuck close to you. that’s all.

all was well at first.

you helped them out wherever you could, gave them useful advice and even basically collaborated on the choreography. what caught mao off guard however, was that you tried your best to focus on all of them equally. you gave all of them the time of day when they needed it, without any reservations or excuses. if makoto had a question, you would answer it, and if mao needed help the moment after, you would immediately be by his side.

it was weird, to be treated like a voluntary choice.

then suddenly you no longer had time for mao. 

makoto, subaru, hokuto. subaru, makoto, hokuto. hokuto, makoto, subaru.

never mao.

and he doesn’t understand why. 

he doesn’t remember doing anything to upset you, so why?

have you simply realized he’s not good enough to be a choice?

sitting on a random staircase in yumenosaki, the redhead swirled his can of coke as he let out yet another helpless sigh.

he couldn’t even ask ritsu for help, he’d just fall asleep halfway through the story. perhaps it’s for the best if he doesn’t say anything at all. just suck it up and stick it out till the end, as always. deal with it.

for so long he’s associated himself with venus– with it being the second planet from the sun and all– he forgot to think that, maybe, he was just pluto all along.

with the final sigh of his short pity party, he threw the can in the nearest bin and made his way back to the studio. just a bit more practice and perhaps he’ll finally get closer to the others. 

the door opens before him and you’re standing there, eyes wide and mouth gaping, as if you’re seeing him for the first time (he probably doesn’t look much different though, he thinks).

“mao! i was just about to go look for you! the others have left already so i finally have time for you, i’m so sorry i’ve been pushing it off for so long, there was always just.. something. the lights broke and the–” you paused to let out a quick breath, shoulders relaxing for the first time this week, “you know what, whatever, doesn’t matter. i can finally take care of your concerns, so out with them!”

you step away from the doorway to let him in, but he just stands there dumbfounded.

“..mao?”

“... so you– you weren’t ignoring me? like, without reason?”

“what? no! i would never do that!” you looked genuinely distraught and now he feels bad for ever thinking so because yeah, you would never do that (or would you?), he’s just too used to people doing it (way too used, a voice in his head chuckles).

“oh,” he breathes, then steps into the studio.

“if it were up to me i would’ve dropped everything to cater to your needs, but the spotlight that was supposed to be on your position broke, so i made that my priority,” oh, “i’m sorry if i made you feel unimportant, i should’ve discussed it with you first..”

“n-no! no, no it’s fine. you’re fine. .. thank you. for-for doing that for me. and i’m sorry, too, i shouldn’t have assumed..”

you smile at him and he thinks not even the sun is worthy of you. 

it may be the center of the solar system, where pluto is not even a planet and where venus is second– but in the system isara mao sees you as the center of, perhaps he was mercury all along. if he is to crash and burn and suffer incineration in the long run, it may just be a worthy sacrifice.

at least he will no longer be second best.

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[tmntkiseki]

I have finally watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (beware for OPINIONS)

And the tl;dr opinion: I am surprised by how much I liked it

Obviously, it wasn't as good as the first movie and I definitely have a few issues with it, the biggest one being that with the exception of Donatello, the turtles barely used their weapons. I know this was because people complained that the first movie was too violent, but C'MON, PEOPLE. If Leonardo has a pair of swords strapped to his back, he should be using them, damn it!

My other big issue is Casey being completely absent from the plot. I might have been forgiving towards this if they provided an explanation somewhere in the script (something like "His mother is not doing well and he needs to take care of her,") but he's just gone with no acknowledgement that he even exists and it is so jarring when he was such a prominent member of the cast in the first film. Subsequently, I'm extremely divided on Keno. I do really like him as a character, and I wouldn't mind if they brought him back in another iteration at some point, but he ultimately feels like a substitute for Casey that they didn't actually need.

But otherwise, most of my complaints range from minor nitpicks to stuff that I'm not necessarily sure is actually a problem. For instance, the turtle costumes don't look as good, but I feel like that's more to do with the brighter lighting rather than a genuine decline in the overall quality (the darker lighting of the first movie did a lot to hide the imperfections in the suits.) April being played by a different actress certainly is weird, but Paige Turco does a pretty acceptable job playing our intrepid reporter, even if I do still prefer Judith Hoag. The overuse of slapstick comedy is a little grating at times, but there were a lot of jokes that made me laugh so I can let it slide. You win some, you lose some.

The really interesting thing though is that unlike the final two seasons of the 2003 series, the tonal change didn't actually bother me all that much. I think it was because despite the tonal change, the turtles, for the most part, still felt very in character when compared to the first movie. In Fast Forward and Back to the Sewer, there were a number of lines that genuinely went into "He would not fucking say that" territory, but here? Yeah, it' still the same turtles from before, just a little bit goofier.

And now for a bulleted list of pretty much everything I liked or am at least accepting of.

Even if I'm sad that Leo, Raph, and Mikey barely use their weapons, the fight choreography for the movie was still fantastic.

I know that both Raphael and Donatello's voices were recast for this movie and in terms of Raphael, Laurie Faso does such a convincing impression of Josh Pais performance that you can barely tell that the actor was changed.

As for Donny, I actually like Adam Carl's voice for him better than Corey Feldman's (not sure if this is a controversial opinion or not, but that is how I feel)

Speaking of Donny, they did put more emphasis on him being the tech guy of the turtles. That was the only thing I found off about him in the first movie, so I'm glad about this.

Listen, I know Jordan Perry's character is basically a stand-in for Baxter Stockman and he might as well just have been Baxter Stockman, but there is something I just absolutely love about him and his dumb bow tie.

Tokka and Rahzar... not entirely sure how I feel about these two? I think I like their concept enough and for the sake of the movie's plot they were utilized reasonably well. I just wish they had more personality than "literal infants." (Also, I feel dumb. I've been pronouncing Rahzar's name as "Raah-zahr," but for most of the movie, it's pronounced like razor.)

Even though there aren't really any significant character arcs in this movie and thus very little character development for the turtles, I did really like the brief angst that Don and his brothers had after finding out their mutation was a complete accident.

Frikkin Super Shredder. His appearance was extremely brief, but I can understand why the concept has been revived so many times in the franchise since this movie because it is so cool.

Do genuinely love the movie's soundtrack. Who the hell is Vanilla Ice, though?

[piedoesnotequalpi]

My unsolicited thoughts on the production of Newsies that I just saw

I overall enjoyed the show, but it was a mixed bag in some regards so. yeah!

Act 1

Crutchie and Jack were not nearly close enough (physically or emotionally) in the opening scene. Also, Crutchie's crutch was on the wrong side even though the actor playing him apparently has mobility issues?

Some newsies were dropped/sent off by their parents during Carrying the Banner! Amazing! Very neat to see this explicitly acknowledged! 100/10!

Jack was shorter than Katherine <3

Race was implied to be younger than Albert based on their pants styles???

Also, Albert paid for his papes, which was disappointing

This production's Les played the "I'm ten...almost" line very differently from Livesies Les (more a reluctant acknowledgement than aggressive), which I liked (I really liked this production's Les)

The way Pulitzer said "I don't look pretty" absolutely killed me. Also, he was incredibly fidgety during the office scene and Nunzio was visibly irritated by this. The Pulitzer and co scenes were generally really well blocked and acted.

Jack walked into the scene where Snyder shows up with a flower girl that he's implied to be flirting with, which I thought was an interesting addition. She spent most of the scene waiting and looking like she really wanted Jack to pay more attention to her (he was focused on Davey and Les) but did at least stick around long enough to distract Snyder.

"But I can see her - [embarrassed pause] - her legs."

The guy Medda addressed in That's Rich ("hey, baby, I was just talking about you") collapsed in his chair after the acknowledgement even though it's not a particularly positive interaction

During the pre-WWK scene, the ensemble was weirdly quiet the whole time.

Albert had to be held back after the "aw, just let 'em try!" bit

Now that I've seen the UKsies staging/delivery of "I say we save any interviews for a real reporter" I cannot go back to watching Davey deliver the line as directly as he did in this production.

Les tried to volunteer to visit Brooklyn but Davey pulled his hand down, which was hilarious

During the WWK reprise, they did a sort of chair assembly line to get the chairs offstage, which I thought was a good way to incorporate the set change into the choreography.

I wish Jack would've given Katherine more personal space in the post-Jacobi's scene, but it was at least better than Livesies

Also, this Jack overall did not have good pacing in his line delivery

Katherine absolutely crushed WWH and I loved the way she did the "it's a girl" section

I wish Crutchie had been better incorporated into the dances. Maybe it was something to do with the actor's disability, but there has to be a better solution than Crutchie sitting to the side/being offstage half the time during WWK and Seize the Day

After the line about skull-busting Albert stood up to fight the Delanceys and Mush had to pull him back down.

Davey didn't address people individually during the Seize the Day intro :(

Another UKsies related thought is that their choice to have the scabs explicitly be from the main group was a good one and I wish this production had done it too

Jack was really in the thick of it during the fight

As Jack was climbing to the rooftop before Santa Fe, he was audibly sobbing and he kept crying during Santa Fe, which almost made me cry.

A general thought is that the existence of Livesies seems to make directors afraid to do their own thing with the show.

Act 2

Jacobi was running the deli with his...wife? and she was helping patch up some of the newsies pre-KoNY

In this scene, but also in general, Race did not commit to the bit nearly hard enough - "wouldya lookit, that's me! I'm famous!" didn't really feel like a distraction tactic

The ensemble was divided into tap dancers and spoon players (they even had a "spoon captain" listed in the program) and the spoon players at one point played their spoons on the tap dancers' shoes

The Katherine interlude in KoNY was very oddly done and I am not sure what they were trying to accomplish (and she didn't even have tap shoes, which, what?)

The person I knew who was in the show had a dance highlight in the pre-Letter from the Refuge dance break! Yay!

Les was SO funny during the WWHR lead-up and as soon as the date exchange started Jack backed away slowly since he was standing between Davey and Les before.

The Bottom Line (reprise) lead-up was REALLY well-staged

When Katherine was revealed to be Pulitzer's daughter, Katherine was visibly upset at being used as a pawn and Hannah ended up trying to comfort her, with mixed success.

When Pulitzer mentioned Davey, Jack had already been knocked to the floor but he tried to get up and lunge at Pulitzer.

Katherine ran offstage when Pulitzer said "too bad you've no family, but you can't have mine"

The person with the Bronx sign kept the sign turned around until his line

Les was fully not at the rally, which, what?

Jack also didn't get into any physical altercations at the rally, which, again, what? Weird choices were made there!

Much like the pre-WWK scene, the ensemble was weirdly quiet.

This is probably an unoriginal thought about STBI, but I think a potential way to make the "or is it because I'm a girl?" line less weird is to have Katherine deliver it in a more resigned/frustrated than accusatory tone ("I'm dealing with this again? Really?") - her concern of being dismissed is not invalid, but I think it's less to do with Jack specifically and more to do with the world she lives in.

The way Jack said "if you weren't an heiress" killed me

There were fog machines during OAFA and the scene leading up to it, and that plus the lighting during the scene looked SO COOL

Davey and Jack had their arms around each other during the beginning of OAFA and Katherine just kinda stood next to them (close by, but still) which was. a choice.

During the lines "ready to fight us a war" and "talk about seizing the day" there were choreography callbacks to "either they gives us our rights or we gives them a war" and a section of the Seize the Day choreography.

Katherine kissed Jack on the cheek before she left, which was very cute

Davey and Jack stood face-to-face very close together with their hands on each other's shoulders at the end of OAFA and it was, again, certainly a (very gay) choice

Pulitzer terrified Bunsen out of the room during the phone call bit, which led into Bunsen presumably encountering Jack and co. and then escorting them in

Jack turned to Katherine instead of Davey after the Roosevelt handshake, which I disliked not for Javid reasons but just because Davey has context for the interaction and Katherine doesn't.

During the line "New York's got us, and we're family" Pulitzer stuck his head over Katherine's shoulder. Katherine was not particularly happy with this development, but I thought it was funny.

Katherine and Les hugged in the final scene!!!

Snyder being sent to jail in Broadway!Newsies always makes me miss 92sies!Crutchy's "make friends with the rats" line

Jack and Crutchie didn't hug until the very end (right after Jack and Davey hugged), which I thought was a weird choice to make. No one hugged Crutchie when he first entered either, which was sad and honestly made Crutchie feel less like part of the group :( (which is a staging choice I disagree with)

There was no curtain call, just slower-paced bows that extended from the curtain call music through the bow music. Also, someone juggled during the bows?? I need to figure out if I've met that person given how small the juggling community is in my neck of the woods.

...This kind of just turned into a stream of consciousness infodump. Bone apple teeth!

[geothewriter]

ATLA Live Action Thoughts

Well hello there! After letting the events and creative choices of the Live Action ATLA show absorb for about 24 hours after finishing the series, I think it's time to put my thoughts to the page.

Yes, that was a mouthful of a sentence. Sorry about that.

To start things off, I loved it! Did I love every single part? Not exactly, but the creative choices and how everything was weaved together? YES! It felt exactly like a fairly well-put-together fanfiction for me. It incorporated loved pieces of the show while warping them slightly to fit within the creator's vision.

Now, we all like lists right? I know I do, so let's do some listing.

The Good:

The CGI for the fights was pretty well awesome alongside the choreography for the scenes. While some fights lacked a bit of depth (Katara vs Pakku) and certainly could have had more oomph with more length, I can still appreciate them for what they are.

To add to that, the bending looked freaking awesome! The earthbending had a signature ..crunch to it, water flowed, fire was punchy (though had one small bit to be desired - I'll address this later) and air was flighty.

The CGI creatures were great IMO. Momo was a little gremlin, which fits him perfectly. He was still cute in spite of his gremlinosity. Appa - I absolutely loved him. I think he's as good as he could possibly look in the media. He's still a ten-ton flying monstrosity of a bison, and he's perfect. He's fluffy. He's Appa. OSTRITCH HORSES! They were awesome and looked like living dinosaurs - nuff said.

The acting and line delivery, while rougher in the early episodes flourished as each episode went onward and the kids got more comfortable/experienced. You could really tell they were giving it their all, and I applaud them! Awesome work on their part!

Storytelling - the combination of different episode topics together flowed rather well! I really enjoyed them putting together the things they did.

And now for a bit of a read more for spoilers.

The storytelling was rather well done, especially things like adding Omashu, Jet and the freedom fighters, and the Mechanist (as well as the cave of the two lovers) together. Overall, it played well, and I'd like to think it was a good approach NOTE: This is from someone who is actively adapting the series in my own fanfic, and I can see aspects of that approach in the adaptation. I love to see it!

Ozai playing his children against each other is probably one of my favorite aspects of the entire thing! He's a manipulator in this version, which if they were going to have him on-screen rather than the ominous shadow emperor, then I think this was probably the only choice. I loved it.

----------------------------

The not good not bad:

Nudging the story in a darker direction was a choice. I know I just spoke at length about how I liked the creative choices and I'm not sure how I feel about this one. As someone who's throwing a lot of trauma at the characters in his fanfic, It can be a lot. To have that on screen is difficult since it can end up hiding characters' sense of being if not handled correctly.

Katara - in the animated show - always a go-getter, filled with righteous anger, not backing down, and strong-willed Katara - in the live-action show - fairly timid, but slowly growing over time into her strength of will. I wasn't a fan of the vision of Katara early in the season, but by the finale, it was starting to feel like her. (I still wish her fight with Pakku was better)

The family of Aang, Katara, and Sokka - I've seen quite a few posts talking about how they don't feel like a family in the live-action. In the animated show, after rewatching it recently, I feel like they didn't really grow toward a family unit until after the North Pole. They were good friends traveling together. Yes we had the line from the Southern Air Temple of 'We're your family now' but I don't think I truly felt it until season 2. Don't get me wrong, they were close, but I didn't get those true bonded feels until S2.

Iroh felt like Iroh half the time, and the other half, I'm not sure who he felt like, but it wasn't in a bad way? Like, we explored a different part of him. With his first interaction with Aang, we even saw him as the reluctant Fire Nation general. As he still was at that point. I can appreciate the change and don't mind it a ton.

Bumi. I think I've decided that Bumi was where Katara's righteous anger went. He doesn't immediately forgive Aang for disappearing, and then reappearing. Bumi has fought a war for a hundred years and has had to deal with ALL THAT for a hundred years. To say he'd be prickly is an understatement. Honestly? He has no reason to forgive Aang. I don't mind this change - though he could've toned down the dickishness IMO.

Katara's bending progression: In each episode of the show she improved both in skill and strength, when finally she fought Pakku, she used self-developed techniques. Those are the traits of a master bender. While we don't get to see her training with Pakku, or demonstrating that she truly has mastery over the element, we get shown that she has indeed grown immensely. A few extra training scenes would've gone a long way, especially with Aang.

Speaking of Aang. Aang had no water-bending training along the way north :( I would've liked to see that, but it's not a deal-breaker.

--------

The bad/meh- Let me preface this by saying I still love the show. There were a few moments that were lacking though (and one that was meh throughout):

The firebending, while amazing in almost EVERY SINGLE ASPECT, was lacking in one. FIREBLASTS AND FIREBALLS ARE SHOT FROM THE FIST, NOT GATHERED IN YOUR HAND LIKE CHI BLASTS. Sorry.

Katara. Where were your responses in some of those interactions? You sat there and listened (which in some cases is a good thing for someone expressing their emotions) but didn't respond when you could have/should have! I feel like we missed a bit of her character when we lost some of her in those. It's not enough to be a truly detracting piece of the show, but I should say that I wasn't a fan of that choice.

Roku was a bit...too unserious. He was the serious avatar in ATLA (in terms of brooding and wanting to help guide Aang.) He...got the Bumi jokes. That was an odd choice. I hope they revisit him in the future and he is able to redeem that aspect.

At the end, during the scene at the North where Aang gives himself over to the ocean spirit, I didn't really like the idea that the avatar was lost to the spirit. I also didn't like the "I need you" from Katara. Not from a shipping perspective, but from a character perspective. In the animated show, Katara spent a lot of effort showing that Aang is her hope for a better world. In the live-action, that wasn't there, so that line seemed out of place.

Hmm, four negative points. I'm sure there were more, but none are springing to mind at the moment, so perhaps I'll edit this later.

----------------

Final thoughts.

I need to stress that the likeability of the show hinges heavily on how you approach it. If you approached the live-action hoping for a perfect retelling of the ATLA story, then you are going to be severely disappointed. If you instead approach it for what it is - an adaptation of the story, with nudges events in one way or another, and includes new approaches, then you'll love it. I went in expecting a fanfiction type of show, and I think I got more than expected. The kids gave this thing their all, and it shows! Everyone showed improvement through the episodes and by the end really fell into their roles.

I certainly hope the future has another (2) season(s) lined up because I'd love to see what twists and turns we're in for.

Oh yeah, and scarf. I liked the scarf scene. There is no shipping bait in Omashu.

[velvetvessel-powerscaler-edition]

Omni-man VS Bardock is now officially out, and with its release I'm gonna give my review of the episode

PLEASE WATCH HERE 8EFORE READING REVIEW: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2HyfHPo7Nw

(dropping the vriska thing for the review cause I want this to 8e taken legit)

Man, I really liked this episode. IDK if its the dopamine of my favorite internet show making a comeback or the episode just being really good, so imma just say its both. Omni-man's analysis is pretty good all around, I only have a single season of Invincible to base it on but from what I know of later on in the show and comic it goes over his story well. Not to mention the editing is on point. Bardock's analysis is something I actually know quite well and my god did they deliver. They cover all the facets of Bardock well, keep it enjoyable throughout, use feats other than the shockwave part 87 because this is 97 percent PRE SAIYAN GOD BABYYYYYYYY, and give the Father of Goku a level of respect he hasn't had since the 90s, especially with the ending to his analysis. Its a great character rundown of both characters, the VS stuff they pull is interesting, and overall is just a great analysis segment.

And they don't slow down in quality cause man this fight is fucking awesome. The choreography is great, especially with the Oozaru form and Bardock wrecking Omni-man, only for Nolan to grab him by the tail, swing him around, and rip his fucking tail off to take him out of Oozaru. This is definitely an episode I'm gonna be quoting a lot, especially "My sons would kick his ass." They really nailed the characterization. Also the final part where Bardock goes super saiyan and everything is a dark blue except his shining golden hair looks fucking immaculate. The death is admittedly something I'm kinda iffy on. The concept is cool with Nolan punching Bardock so hard he hits him out of super saiyan and he slowly dies afterward, the exchange after the killing blow is cool showcasing the bits of humanity residing within the 2, I just wish the actual killing blow was a bit stronger. Still overall a pretty good death though, I just wish it felt harder. (EDIT: so the storyboards came out and revealed that the death was supposed to have Bardock's arm fucking explode with the punch and it likely wasn't displayed due to model limitations. Previous statement still applies but i understand better why it wasn't as crazy as it could have been)

Oh yeah also Omni-man wins which no one was betting on. Don't believe me? Here's a pic from the Death Battle Wiki's Discord server on who they were betting on winning

congrats to those 3 people, your streak is alive... just hope you can keep that streak for the next time. What was the next time again?

........huh

Ok if you know me you know this isn't exactly my favorite vs idea ever, 8ut i can't act like it wasn't inevita8le. excited to see what they do with it since i know they're gonna cook with this one, and i don't pay attention to the de8ate for most episodes so i don't have to worry a8out that.

Overall, great episode, glad to see Death Battle is back, and just as great as ever.

[bestanimatedmovie]

Revenge of the Underrated

23. Robot Carnival vs Revue Starlight: The Movie

Vote in the other polls!

Propaganda:

Robot Carnival

So you've just made Akira and now what do you do? You showcase all your hard working friends in animation of course! Otomo brings together a series of shorts into this one collection generally centered around robots.

Revue Starlight: The Movie

Oh my god where do I start. So first and foremost, its a sequel movie to an already brilliant anime. I'm going to guess that sequel movies are okay if Puss in Boots got into the bracket. Anyways, it has so much. It has lesbian romance and lesbian divorce (/j because they're high schoolers, but more than one revue has that vibe). It has so much symbolism that either it'll take you a rewatch or two to get it at all or you're just much better at recognizing symbolism than me. It has fantastic writing and quotes (including my beloved "For heroes there are trials, for saints there are temptations, for me there is you". It has banger music of many varieties. I'm convinced that cinema as a whole was made for those revue scenes, especially Revue of Souls and The Final Lines (though all of the revues are amazing in their own ways. Revue of Annihilation, Malice, Competition and Hunting my absolute beloveds for many reasons but especially for choreography, music, tone (and music again) and emotional impact respectively). It has fantastic animation. It has some of my favorite fight scenes in anything. It took the task of surpassing an already amazing anime prequel and did it amazingly. I wish I was kidding when I said that the Revue Starlight movie was my favorite but no. It's genuinely fantastic. The pre-established characters, the music, the animation, the writing, the story and the heaps of symbolism making the story a bit confusing are all so very amazing. I have bought one dvd of a movie in my life and it was the Revue Starlight movie when it was officially released (mostly out of curiosity about the dub but like. watch it with the sub because it's amazing). My only regret is that I watched Revue of Hunting before watching the movie and nobody should ever do that. Go in completely blind aside from prior Revue Starlight knowledge from the anime. I feel like I shouldn't have even provided a link to Revue of Souls because watching that scene blind was one of the best experiences I have ever had in my life

[tribow]

So I watched Shenmue: The Animation

For better or for worse, the anime is a pretty close adaption to the game itself. The story is cut down to pretty much all events directly related to the main plot, which is understandable, but also a bit of a shame.

Shenmue's main plot wasn't exactly compelling to begin with. Everything surrounding that main plot made the story more interesting. It's the fluff that made Shenmue interesting. As a video game, the audience is allowed to experience the world with their own volition. The story can't be told in a linear way without railroading the player. This anime essentially railroaded the audience through Shenmue's story and it just doesn't really work.

It would have been better if the anime took more creative liberties when telling the story. It actually goes through the effort of showing Ryo talking to other people and opening many drawers just like the player would do. On hand, that's a little cool right? They're adapting the player experience to the anime! On the other hand, that's almost like a waste of time? It's weird.

I'm not sure how to feel about the anime, I definitely have my critiques, but much of my critiques applies to the plot of the game it's adapting. It's not bad by any means, I just wish it stood out a bit more from what it was adapting.

So what about the animation? Telecom was behind the animation here. It stays at a fairly consistent quality for the entire anime. However, there isn't really anything stellar about the animation. Shenmue's story is one themed around martial arts, so the combat needs to look good. Unfortunately, it's mid. Sometimes the choreography is nice, but most of the time it's just acceptable. None of the fights had anything notable to me and as a big fan of martial arts that's a big shame. Still, at least it doesn't look bad, just mid.

Something that is annoying about the anime is that it only adapts Shenmue I & II. Obviously they couldn't adapt Shenmue III since the anime's production was happening alongside the development of Shenmue III. So, the anime ends on a cliffhanger, and there's no way a Season 2 will happen. Any continuation has been cancelled.

Yet again, Shenmue's story won't be completed.

F.

[the-sky-queen]

JUST FINISHED EPISODE 6!!! Before I unblock the Knuckles Series tags, I wanted to give my closing thoughts.

Overall, I really REALLY enjoyed this! :D I laughed a lot, the tension was good, the animation and choreography was incredible, and everything was just all around amazing. I wish we got to cut back to Green Hills every now and then though. Getting a little side plot with Sonic and Tails would have been cute and very nice. But I really enjoyed Wade and Knuckles' dynamic, though I think Knuckles should have had a bit more development and screen time.

One thing I absolutely ADORED was the theme song, along with the constant theme of older music scattered throughout the series. I gasped out loud when I saw Wade's discman. (My sister still has one!) I grew up listening to CDs. When it was time for a roadtrip, my family would grab one of our big CD cases for the car ride. So looking at that theme song animation made my heart absolutely soar. ❤️ And while I didn't recognize any of the songs they played in the episodes (save for a couple), I can really appreciate the vibe. I also grew up listening to my dad's music. Stuff from when HE was growing up. It just felt right to have Wade into all kinds of music.

I have only a few complaints. First: Wanda was kinda really, really annoying. She got better as time went on, but she was really bad at first. She felt like a kid who never grew up. Like seriously, why is she still picking fights with Wade??? You're both adults! Act like it! The whole dinner scene over all was just painful to watch. It felt waaaay too similar to some dinners I've had with my own family, which yes, points for accuracy I guess, but I just felt like Knuckles the entire time. Awkward, wishing they'd just quit arguing and enjoy dinner, feeling out of place. I'm not sure if that's what they were going for or not. (The fight scene to protect the candles was very nice though :D)

Second: Pachacamac. I dunno, he was really annoying, and not at all like his power hungry, war mongering, cold, game counterpart. I also feel like he was really unnecessary? He probably could've been written out really easily. His 'funny' bits weren't even that funny and there was so many other opportunities for comedy during the episodes. He was really unneeded.

Finally: Almost everything in episode 4. The . . . low quality rock opera thing???? I'll admit, that the way they did all the practical effects and stuff was really cool! But everything else? WHY. Why are we doing this? Why are we singing? Why are we cutting Knuckles out of almost an entire episode? Why?????? I feel like this episode could've been done so many other different ways. HOWEVER! I really enjoyed the bit at the end. Seeing Wade stand up to Sinclair was AMAZING and I was cheering him on the whole time.

I kinda also wish they'd hinted at the third movie a bit. For a bit of set up. But they did clear up that GUN didn't always go by GUN, which I guess fixes our 'how did GUN kill Maria if they were only created after the first movie' problem!

Anyway, save for a few rough patches, this is a really good show! (Probably would've been better with one episode per week though. Can you imagine the suspense factor?? Would've been EPIC!!)

[bluntblade]

Some nice wide shots from the Baylan fight not withstanding, I continue wishing that the Ahsoka show just... looked better. Like, the effects are mostly OK, but that forest sequence could've had some lovely rich reds set against deep, ominous blacks and yet, it's pretty much concrete.

Also, wild that the thing they took from Kurosawa wasn't anything about the ways he shot movement, but instead "sometimes the characters stand really still." And then used it five times instead of the once or twice that Kurosawa would employ it per film (per film, mind you, as opposed to 30-50min episode of tv).

Besides just some personal preference (really static shooting tends to test me, as in the PT), I think some more kinetic shooting would help to sell these fights and these characters. We're dealing with a nimble Mandalorian who used to dance merrily around Stormtroopers, and a Jedi who once fought on top of gunships as they raced through the stratosphere. As it is, their choreography feels kind of stop-start as the blocking biases towards minimal and slow movement, and the editing remains pretty languid.

On top of that, I feel like Dave Filoni has unlocked some kind of Skyrim skill tree perk where he can just mimic something he did in another show and get a standing ovation. I don't know if it's a deliberate crutch, but it means we just keep being hit with very familiar images, without any real commentary beyond maybe a bit of an inversion.

It could all just be doing a heck of a lot more visually, and it continually baffles me that someone who worked on such well-regarded animated shows is making live-action work which is so... inanimate. And all the more so when people are yelling "my man COOKED" while I'm going "he neglected the spice cupboard".

[caffeinated-and-annoying-bard]

Lord forgive me but there are girls in there. In my school. They have known me for 3 years and I don't talk much to most of them but i need to vent a bit. Ceaseless and meaningless rambles. Today was the last day of class for my 5th semester (only exams and final engineering project are left) and I'm emotional

Andy and her eyebags. I don't know her very well, but everybody knows that Andy has the hugest eyebags you'll see in your life, her face is sharp and when she smiles you can see something scary in there. She's so sharp. She has won best orator at our school contests for 3 years straight, many external poetry-reciting contests, is in the board of secretaries for tecmun, and currently getting into med school in CDMX. I think I've got a head and a half on her, but you almost never notice how short she is, with the way she can make a room go quiet, as she scans your eyes in search of– something. I think she saw fear in mine once. She didn't bite me, she smiled and my heart almost failed me right there–. She's the girlfriend of one of my engineering classmates, Leo, good man, awesome taste. I wish I had spent more time watching her (or talking to her, for that matter) during these last 2 and a half years.

Azul and her movements. Azul is my friend, she's in all of my classes and we've become very close this semester (I'm sure I could have loved her. It frustrates me a bit, the ways in which I didn't cooperate at all. We're just too similar, except that she's smarter, funnier, more hardworking, a bit taller, calmer, and has some sort of calm glow around her. She dances, she writes, she's in theatre with me, she learns so many things so fast and she's already applying for the uni scholarships in our school. I'll take a sabbatical year, but goddamn I feel like I'm missing it. I still have time, I could go to the same course as her (we have both been aiming for mechatronical engineering) and be by her side for 3 years. I will never get back every single French class when we cannot stop laughing at some stupid thing and saying nerd shit at each other (mostly her, though. That's a compliment. She has so much in her brain, so much in her soul. She's also very tired.) She dances– silly little choreographies that can look elegant while still meme-able– whenever she's stressed. I could have loved her. I love her in the only way you can love someone you didn't get enough time with, someone that you know will be separated from you in half a year. But you know, I could have loved her properly. If I had been less of an idiot.

Abril and her round glasses. She's my best friend. We've been growing a bit apart this semester, because I'm a mess and she's a different one and also she's got a boyfriend (better than her ex-girlfriend. She sucked. This guy is nice, listens to my advice and we're streak-friends in duolingo) but I'm pretty sure I'll never manage to understand how to live without her? From the friendgroup that formed when we started highschool, she's the only one that stuck. She and I, we took it as a defiance of those who hurt us. Hurt her. Mostly her. Sometimes we hold hands and I feel like we're meant to be there, like the only ones who are properly allowed to snicker during a 6-hour long bus ride are she and I. For a time this summer, I thought i was in love with her (when I want to Vienna for our student exchange program, she went too. There wasn't a day in which we didn't talk about anything and everything, and she was fighting with the asshole (now i can call her that) that was her girlfriend then (fuck you sofía). It was just her (her long, soft blonde hair and her huge round glasses and brown eyes like the dream of a titan. Her intelligence, which hits you in the face. It's nice to have a friend that knows at least a bit of anything, and everything about some things. I'm a know-it-all, she ACTUALLY feels like she could possibly know it all. When she looks at you so coolly and she has a pencil in her hand and you just know she's about to draw your bare soul. When she explains something about literature, medicine, philosophy, chemistry, physics, history, art? Psychology?? Her voice is a constant stream of repeated information in my brain) and me against everyone else. Her voice could wake me up from a coma, if she told me she was hungry and we should go get food. She's a very negative person sometimes. Also a trump supporter, I think? And me, a selfish dickhead who's too deep in his own victimisation to analise how my behaviour affects others with my 180° from "tears up on the thought of being selfish" to "i'll never apologise again" (none of those mentalities has ever stopped me from hurting people and being toxic, mind you), is frustrated. I'm frustrated with her. She knows me better than I know myself and I should know her better. But I know this will get better, she'll get better and I'll do my best to try not to hide from her tomb-of-a-hundred-secrets brown, all-knowing gaze. I love her. We have time.

Eun Chae and I haven't talked in 2 years. The fight with the 1st semester group did it, and she hurt Abril so, so much. I still think she's pretty.

Mariana was in my classroom during my first year. She's stunning. She was openly bi and talked to me in that "i am speaking spanglish and could be very mean if i wanted to but i am not. Because i like you!" Tone that i've always hid from. Niña fresa voice, but she was nice to me (whenever i let her copy my french and programming homework, at least). She dropped out of the multicultural program last year, and i never admitted it out loud but i only started watching Good Omens because a pretty girl told me to. I am a weak man, and an animal (although I loved Good Omens, that was never a contention point). Abril's ex-girlfriend told her (and she told me) that Mariana had said to her(the ex) that she only talked to me because I let her copy my homework, and that I was "pretending to be autistic and making a fuss" (paraphrased, what she said in spanish can be taken much more harshly). The day she comprehends the feeling of not-belonhing, of inhumanity, the constant chant of rejection on the back of my head will be the day I feel true vindication. I am not a good person, and I have never been one, but I thought I could be, 2 years ago. I proved myself wrong.

I thought Ana was pretty when we were friends. She's the only one, one of the onlt girls at my school whom I think is ugly. She's not, objectively, but she did so much harm, on purpose and knowingly and with so much venom in it, all with the voice tone of an angel. I don't think she's pretty anymore.

There was the girl from my volleyball team in 1st year that hugged me once and I never recovered from it. I never caught her name and I'm too awkward to ask now, but she knows mine and says hi to me after my physics class every morning. She's tall and athletic and carries a blanket to school because she cannot be bothered with the cold. She's, from what I've seen, a sunshine in the least romanticised way possible: she burns you with her brightness. She's awesome.

Majo is so strong. So short. So, so short. She's a horse girl who's on the go for a B2 in Japanese, she plans her family trips all on her own and plays genshin impact in class (then asks for us to explain calculus to her. Icon). What I like most of her is the feeling of chaotic comfort she can bring into a room. She will pick me (I have like 2 heads and a bit on her) up and/or drag me through the floor. She will laugh. I will laugh, and the teasing will feel so unfamiliar yet fitting that I can't help but love her. I love being her friend, she sends pictures of her horse, Lukka and sends 10min long audios of F1 gossip. She bakes for fun even though she can't eat it (fear of family diabetes) she BROUGHT A WHOLE BAG OF BAKED GOODS TO SHARE IN CLASS BECAUSE TODAY WAS OUR LAST CLASS DAY BEFORE THE EXAMS. She's so lively, so lovely. She can make you feel safe and listened-to while pulling your hair and making fun of you. I wish I had made friends with her earlier.

From a year below, there's Zuri, Luz and Renata (there's so much about them but I'm getting tired) from theatre and from 1st year there's Sofi, Pau, Mariali, Maat. There's Sofi, Mariana (a different one) Mila and Miriam from uni (our campus is big so all of them are in theatre with us)

There's stupid idiot motherfucking Sofía (Abril's ex) whom I'm so happy to no longer be obligated to talk to.

There's so many more girls in my classroom to talk about. I'm graduating in a semester and there are so many girls I never made friends with. I'm a weak man. (I do have male friends, of course, and some of them even make me feel like one of them, but this post is for getting emotional over girls. They are pretty. Thank you for your understanding).

[theamazingannie]

Finished the first two episodes of PJO. Got thoughts (if anyone cares). Putting under a read more cuz it’s a bit lengthy

Before I go into the cons (cuz I got some unfortunately), the pros:

Aryan is so cute I adore him

I love the main trio in general. I think some of the acting isn’t always great but their chemistry and adorableness make up for it

I especially love the percabeth relationship. Walker and Leah did a great job showing that doofus Percy and irritated Annabeth relationship. Especially their early on “Annabeth looking down on Percy while he understandably flounders around.” I cannot wait to see more of them!!!

Saw someone on Twitter talk about the armor adjustment scene and how it could be a parallel to them later on as their relationship progresses and I hope so badly that they do that

Love Clarisse. Does a great balance between being unlikeable and being unenjoyable

LOVE Mr. D. Had absolutely no doubt that Jason Mantzoukas would crush this role and am glad to see it. Perfect level of unhinged and unnervingness. Literally the perfect person to play the role

It has a decent script. Not perfect, but I like how witty Percy is and there’s a lot of good written chemistry between characters and I found myself chuckling a lot, which is great as an adult with a show targeted towards younger audiences

The scenery is GREAT. I always have a hard time visualizing camp in my mind while reading and I think the show perfectly balances a normal summer camp with fantasy. Would’ve liked to see more of it, like a proper tour, but I know there’s not a lot of time. Hopefully we get to see more of it in later episodes

Great fight choreography. Wish there was a little more of it. Again, maybe they were cut for time but the fight scenes just seemed very rushed. But what we did see was so good. Especially loved Percy’s little duck and roll thing he did

Which brings us to the negatives. I wish I didn’t have any, but unfortunately I have a lot. I base these both as a fan of the books and as a show as a whole:

First things first, the pacing. It’s awful. It felt like a bunch of random scenes clipped together. There’s almost zero flow between scenes. It reminds me of watching the deleted scenes in the DVD bonus features and the weirdly long pauses between some scenes added to that. Nothing felt connected

To add to pacing, everything felt really rushed. As I said before, I get that timing is an issue, but I felt sped through everything. Considering it’s a tv show and we were promised more than was in the book, I didn’t expect so much to be left out. Nothing too important, but as I said before, it could’ve used better transitioning between scenes. I was left kind of disappointed and I can’t imagine not reading the books and being expected to follow this

On that note, explanations were iffy. It felt like they wanted to rush through explaining stuff to get to other parts which is fine for us readers but I think new audiences might struggle to follow. There’s a lot of information that the audience needs to know and I don’t think they properly addressed everything

One thing that comes to mind as I’m typing this is the wheelchair. They never show what it’s for. They introduce Chiron at camp as a centaur and have him be one for the entire time and so to an unknowing audience there’s just a random empty wheelchair during a scene. If they weren’t going to use it, they should’ve cut that out

The scene with the Cloven Elders felt unnecessary. I get they want to explore other POVs outside Percy’s but nothing that happened in that scene felt necessary to the plot. Barely anything happens and most of what happens is explained verbally through Grover later. I wonder if the scene was cut for time but it probably should’ve been cut altogether. It didn’t add anything except a tiny bit of worldbuilding and having them go INSIDE the tree was weird and not even from the books. There’s like a whole forest inside the forest which gives me Dodona vibes which it shouldn’t

As I said before, the acting isn’t great at times. That’s fine considering I was a House of Anubis stan once (hence the icon). Acting is honestly not the most important part of a show as long as they have interesting characters with good chemistry (which they do!) but still pulled me out of it a bit. Some of the delivery was kind of dry

There were multiple times when I thought the direction could’ve been better. It wasn’t necessarily the acting (although that was part of it). For example, which Annabeth says “you drool in your sleep”. She says it very monotonously and matter of fact and just stared at him unmoving which is fine cuz I think that’s how it worked in the book but I think it might’ve worked better if she said it more petulantly and hurried away. This is very nitpicky tho and is mostly just opinion

Speaking of Annabeth, though: I wanted to see her more! I get we will see her plenty throughout the season but I love her and would’ve liked her to be introduced sooner. She meets Percy earlier in the books so she could’ve been introduced sooner. I also want to see her and Chiron interact (which we will hopefully get ep 3) so we can see that father daughter relationship. (I did like the way she was introduced though. They did that really well. I just want to see her more🥰)

A note for the next ep promo: WHY did it spoil that they were gonna be meeting Medusa??! That was supposed to be a surprise and they just gave it away in the PROMO????

One last thing cuz I’m mad. I already made a separate post about it but THALL-EE-UH???? That’s literally how I pronounced it when I first read it and was repeatedly told it was wrong and it was TALL-ee-uh so I switched my brain over and NOW you tell me I was right??? I knew some pronounciations were gonna be wrong but I was PRETTY SURE about that one

I definitely had more thoughts while watching (some that are extremely nitpicky that I’m going to force myself to ignore) but I didn’t take notes while watching and am already starting to forget details. Overall, I did love it, but I think a lot of the love came from my existing love of the series. I first read PJO 13 years ago and it was the first book series I truly fell in love with and remains my favorite to this day. A lot of feelings are my love biasing me both positively and negatively, and it makes me wonder if I would have chosen to continue watching the show if I hadn’t already had that love. Honestly, I don’t think I would. However, I do plan on continuing to watch and support and hopefully the rest of the season goes well!

[augustheart]

fuck it stargirl episode ranking. yes! all thirty-nine of them!

3x03 "the blackmail": i don't have a cool justification i'm sorry i just love the crocks and i think the fight scene is fantastic. i don't even care that we can see the stuntpeople's faces it's absolutely delightful to me.

1x08 "shiv part two": ultimate comfort episode for me. what if two autistic people had to go undercover? what if a woman tried to fuck a man under a sink? just a few of the many questions asked by this episode

2x04 "summer school chapter four": crusher and paula should be allowed to do whatever they want. also the scene where dickie gets in an argument with a child in a bookstore is pretty good

1x11 "shining knight": this is the best episode of the show. like full stop. this is the best one. it isn't the highest rated on imdb. it isn't my favorite. but it is 100% the best episode of the series.

3x12 "the last will and testament of sylvester pemberton": i have probably Never gone crazier at an episode of television in my life. getting to the ending is excruciating because the first chunk is a "pat experiences ableism" simulator but oh baby. when the musical sting hits it hits

1x02 "s.t.r.i.p.e.": this episode is nearly perfect. why is there a two minute long one-take sequence in the middle of it? don't ask questions

1x01 "stargirl"/"pilot": this is one of the best cape show pilots of all time. i think doom patrol's is better but it's easily on the flash pilot level, probably higher. tells you everything you need to know: courtney rules. pat has autism. if you celebrate christmas you WILL die of supervillains attacking you. what more can you ask for

2x03 "summer school chapter three": mike should be allowed to do whatever he wants whenever. you can tell how much fun everyone had shooting this so even if luke wilson is Not looking at his mark in the slightest it's still good.

1x10 "brainwave jr": i get why this is the highest ranked episode on imdb but it is funny that it set the tone for james robinson writing episodes where he kills people in a tunnel. the scene at the beginning with barb where she's struggling not to break down is an under-appreciated bit that is so fucking good.

1x03 "icicle": the tonal shift is great. i wish hootie had come back.

1x05 "hourman and doctor mid-nite": ending scene alone puts this here. thank you cameron gellman

1x06 "the justice society": i really like it when crusher throws paula as a weapon at a group of children

2x06 "summer school chapter six": the fight choreography is off the charts. i wish that isaac's actor knew how to act and eclipso didn't run away like that.

2x08 "summer school chapter eight": oh my g-d. oh my g-d. jesus christ. oh my fucking g-d

2x02 "summer school chapter two": dickie's entrance to the show means that despite how unmoved i am by much of this episode i will forever adore it. he is so deeply weird from second one.

3x02 "the suspects": i could watch dickie make fun of anybody for hours at a time

3x07 "infinity inc part one": i could watch dickie make fun of anybody for hours at a time

3x08 "infinity inc part two": i could watch dickie make fun of anybody for hours at a time. also CARCHARO MENTIONED

2x11 "summer school chapter eleven": courtney clapping at cindy and going "AND HOW DID THAT GO FOR YOU?" about controlling eclipso after they both get stuck in the monster dimension is one of the funniest scenes in the show

3x13 "the reckoning": way better finale than other cape shows, which is fortunate for me and unfortunate for those other shows. just a really nice sendoff. i like that they bring it full circle by having kids murder someone in this one, too.

1x07 "shiv part one": the fight choreography in the courtney/cindy fight is so good. i think it's overlooked because it's a 1v1 fight but that spinning long take is really fantastic imo and i love the setting of the school gym outfitted for the dance.

1x04 "wildcat": yolanda baby :(

2x09 "summer school chapter nine": yet another episode that's a "pat experiences ableism" simulator and it is upsetting to watch but also john wesley shipp is there and it's quite well done all around. points detracted because whatever his name is that plays cameron can't act to save his life and his scene partner (an actual teenager) is absolutely killing it

3x01 "the murder": extremely good episode i love my friends i genuinely smile so big thinking about it

1x12 "stars and s.t.r.i.p.e. part one": i want to fuck crusher so bad for that garage scene and that's why it ranks higher than the s1 finale

1x13 "stars and s.t.r.i.p.e. part two": what if there was a liberalification beam.

3x11 "the haunting": obviously the setup of this episode makes me want to punch walls but artemis' screaming and breakdown at the end puts this a cut above other episodes

2x07 "summer school chapter seven": YOLANDA BABY :(

2x01 "summer school chapter one": i can't stop thinking about that person on reddit who accidentally watched this episode first and was like "why is the show so bad at exposition" not realizing it's because they didn't see season one

1x09 "brainwave": good episode ranked this low because of the evil dinner scene being one of the worst things put to film

2x10 "summer school chapter ten": dickie is really good in this but i'm not a huge fan of this conflict for pat and courtney. however i do enjoy pat getting heated for once

2x12 "summer school chapter twelve": pat torturing matt rules and i like when beth and charles metaphorically type on the same keyboard to hack something faster

3x10 "the killer": fine episode. ranked this low because the last four minutes of it never aired and definitely don't make me listen to classic decemberists song "we both go down together" on repeat

2x13 "summer school chapter thirteen": jakeem rules mike rules rick calling in a buddy to fight for him rules but i don't care about eclipso

3x04 "the evidence": we're getting into episodes i don't really care for. i do like charles though

3x09 "the monsters": i don't care about dctv cameron

3x06 "the betrayal": i don't care about dctv cameron. however pat enjoying lutefisk is good

3x05 "the thief": i don't care about dctv cameron

2x05 "summer school chapter five": It's Just Not A Very Good Episode Guys i don't know what more you want from me

if you read through all of this thanks. several of these are actually tied with each other to be honest so if parts of this seem interchangeable, that's why.

[starswallowingsea]

okay finished link click season 2 finally. augh augh augh (review thing under the cut)

so i wasn't entirely sure about the season since the pacing felt kind of all over the place and the threads felt very messy compared to last season but it was also a fuller narrative arc than last season (i was thinking that i missed the episodic nature of the first half of s1 but i don't foresee us returning to that any time soon).

with the finale i am very happy with how the threads finally wove together, although it still felt kind of messy and fast and loose but not in a bad way all the time if that makes sense. i can't decide if i wish we got more or less time with li tianchen and li tianxi or not just because i feel like either option could have strengthened the narrative just a little bit by either hiding a bit more of what we know now or allowing us to get to know them better and get a better attachment to them as characters, though the cinematics of the flashback in the last episode were GORGEOUS they really do not miss on that holy shit. but i have very mixed feelings about their arc that i can't quite articulate at this moment specifically.

i did also appreciate an increased presence with qiao ling in the narrative and i hope we see her relationship with lu guang develop more since both of them have seen cheng xiaoshi's death scene (what with lu guang apparently being able to enter photos too now and qiao ling potentially being able to see memories? or just received xixi's from an overwhelming release of power condensed into a tear. i do wonder if that's how lu guang gained cheng xiaoshi's power in the future moment we saw too if death can give someone the other person's power or something? i am curious about that and how that will play out with qiao ling specifically).

and lastly. the fight choreography the whole season was amazing. fantastic the entire time. i appreciated that the fights were very even the entire time and you never knew who would come out on top until the very end. just a nice touch that doesn't always come through in fight scenes but they nailed it the entire time.

overall i'd rate it like 8/10. not terribly happy with the plot pacing but i can overlook that with how it all came together and the stunning visuals + interesting hook for a third season (which i'm hoping will be the last one. i don't want it to be one of those shows that keeps raising the stakes for infinite seasons until it just gets ridiculous and ruins the entire series u know? i think what we got from the hook, s3 would be a great way to end the show no matter how it ends up playing out and i'm looking forward to it whenever that happens). i'm hoping that they can just tighten up that pacing for the final season and make everything count though