#winton my beloved

[baynton]

Jamie Winton in You, Me and the Apocalypse | 1x10: The End of the World

[jamiewintons]

♡ Jamie & Jules ♡

[sleepingdeath-light]

lunch break ; 18+

kinktober day eighteen

pairing ; jamie winton x trans male!reader insert

fandom ; you, me & the apocalypse

masterlists ; fandom | kinktober | ao3

content ; phone sex, mutual masturbation, praise kink, dirty talk, semi-public sex acts

minors and ageless blogs do not interact

This move was actually going to kill you.

You could see the headline already: ‘local man found dead, crushed under mountain of cardboard boxes’ slapped across the front page of the newspaper, nestled between a mind-numbing celebrity gossip article and the latest fear mongering bollocks about something no one in their right mind would ever think about otherwise… maybe they’d even lean more on the tragedy angle and put a blurry pixelated-to-hell-and-back picture from your wedding day right in the centre of the page. There were a few particularly shit photos in your album that you refuse to get rid of (despite your darling husband’s objections) and the thought of any of those getting printed for everyone and their mother to see was enough to make you snort out a laugh despite yourself.

As you continued to move boxes and unpack all of the tat Jamie couldn’t bear to part with, your train of thought continued to follow that rather morbid track: were the boxes even heavy enough to take you out or would you just be trapped in place until poor Jamie found you? Lord knows your Jamie, for as much as you appreciated his physique, was a terribly lanky man and he certainly wouldn’t be able to rescue you from your cardboard prison on his own and you’d sooner let the earth itself devour you whole than be faced with the shame of needing to be saved from your mortifying corrugated sepulchre by your new neighbours. You hadn’t even learned their names yet!

Well, nobody except for your neighbour to the right. A lovely older woman in her twilight years… Maude? Mavis? Maggie? It was definitely an ‘M’ name… or was it an ‘N’? You weren’t really paying attention to what she was saying at the time, too focused on bringing more boxes inside.

Fucking boxes. You were sick of the damn things. If Jamie told you he wanted to move again after all of this you’d cry.

Then again you already felt like you were going to cry now and you weren’t even halfway through your dragon’s hoard of ceiling high stacked boxes. Frankly it was nothing short of a miracle that you hadn’t sliced clean through your hand yet given just how much ductape you’d had to cut through so far — but you also weren’t going to celebrate quite yet lest you actually jinx yourself.

Heaven forbid you have to drive yourself down to the local hospital to get stitches for something so stupid. You might actually have to move again after pulling a stunt like that…

That was enough of that thought experiment, you decided with a huff, no point embarrassing over yourself over something that hasn’t even happened (yet) and wasn’t going to happen (you reached over and knocked twice on the hardwood floor beside you). Better to focus on the task at hand and not let those ideas overstay their welcome.

You pulled open the flaps of yet another box and laughed heartily at the first thing you saw: Jamie’s pink underwear. He’d been looking for those before he left for work this morning, you recalled with a smile, and he’d surely appreciate a heads up about his signature garment’s location.

So, holding them limply in one hand, you reached blindly for your phone and dialed his number.

—————————————

The phone rang three times before your beloved finally picked up with a ‘hello’ that rang out with that particular tone of exhaustion that only a morning of customer service manages to bring out of him. You found yourself biting back a smile as you greeted him in return with all the enthusiasm and affection you could muster despite your own tiredness.

‘Jamie! My darling, love of my life, apple of my eye, my better half, my -‘

‘Good afternoon to you too sweetheart!’ Jamie cut you off, his words uttered softly around a quiet laugh that sends a warm fond feeling spreading from your heart to the tips of your fingers. ‘I’m assuming you didn’t just call to shower me with pet names. Is everything alright back home?’

‘It’s… erm…’

‘Boring?’ Jamie offered and you barked out a laugh in response.

‘To say the very least, yes. If I ever see another box in my life after this it’ll be too soon…’ you dramatically collapse back onto the settee and you hear him sigh your name through the speaker of your phone in a way that has your skin heating up.

‘Sorry, love. I’ll be home in a few hours to help you, just hang on a bit longer, yeah?’

You hum non-committally before remembering why you actually called your husband and speaking up in a much lighter and peppier tone than before. ‘Anyway! Speaking of boxes, you’ll never guess what I happened to find in one earlier,’

‘Oh? Is this another stray-fork-in-the-decorative-pillow-box situation?’

‘Something like that, actually!’ You say through a laugh, bringing your phone away from your ear to take a picture of yourself dangling his underwear beside your face — making sure to put on your cheekiest grin to add insult to injury. ‘Sending you the pic now, hopefully the WiFi at your job doesn’t fuck the quality… again…’

Jamie laughs and mutters his agreement and, after taking a second to briefly check the photo for any obvious embarrassing blemishes (God forbid you miss something stuck between your teeth… again…), you press the send button and wait for the inevitable half-amused-half-flustered sigh to echo through the speaker.

One second turns to two and then to ten before it finally gets delivered to Jamie’s phone, your grin growing broader and broader as you waited for the inevitable self deprecating comment to follow. But it never came, the silence between you stretching out for close to a minute before you finally called out to your husband in a slightly worried tone.

‘Jamie? Sweetheart?’ You hear him splutter and cough as if you caught him off guard before he manages to actually respond to you in an oddly strained, much quieter, voice.

‘Y-Yes darling?’

‘Something wrong? Oh God did one of your coworkers see that? I probably should have waited until you got home to show you that… I’m so sorry, babe -’

Jamie swiftly interrupts your rant with a shaky call of your name before taking in a steadying breath and continuing in almost a whisper. ‘It’s okay. I’m not upset, and nobody is in my office right now that would have seen it… but, sweetheart, did you need to get all of that in the photo?’

‘All of what?’

He lets out a trembling sigh. ‘My love please look at the picture you took again. You’re showing all of your, um…’ he quietens even further and his voice cracks slightly over his next words in a way that sends an unexpected wave of heat straight to your core, ‘your marks. The ones I gave you last night…’

Your eyes widen ever so slightly when you see exactly what he’s talking about before you’re hit with a realisation that makes you laugh.

‘Baby… did that make you hard? Is that why you’re so quiet right now?’ He lets out a sound close to a squeak and you continue, pushing past your own brief bout of embarrassment as you start to unbutton and unzip your shorts. ‘Thinking about what we were doing when I got them, right baby? Want me to help you out? Paint a clearer picture for you?’

Jamie huffs out a halfhearted protest and you can practically see the redness of his cheeks as he speaks to you. ‘Sweetheart I’m at work. My office is right next to reception. We can’t do this right now -‘

‘But you want to, right?’ You interrupt, using that tone of voice you know he loves and delighting in the way he gulps audibly through the call. ‘Besides, we can be quick. Just stay quiet and clean up your mess once you’re done and nobody will know,’

He pauses in consideration for a brief few moments before letting out a shaky but affirmative sigh, unzipping his pants and pulling his cock into his hand as he speaks to you.

‘Fine, okay. Quickly, my lunch break is nearly over…’

And in return you grin to yourself and offer a cocky bit of reassurance has earns you a pitchy groan from your husband.

‘Oh don’t worry, I won’t need long,’

—————————————

‘Remember how hard you got when you were eating me out last night?’ You tease in a low breathy voice, delighting in the way he groans into the phone in return. ‘You were super vocal too. Sometimes I think you enjoy it more than I do…’

‘You taste like heaven, love, how could I not?’ He asks the question so earnestly that you can feel your skin burning from how flustered he’s made you. Unable to stop yourself from slipping your free hand into your underwear to play with your swollen clit as you listen to him rant about how much he wishes his face was buried in your cunt right now. Circling, tracing, rubbing, and toying in time with his words as you try and bite back your gasps and moans and groans.

‘… fuck I wish you were sat on my face right now,’ and so do you, but you force yourself to push back those thoughts and continue reliving last night so you can actually fix the problem you caused.

‘And I wish your cock was inside me right now, but I guess both of us will have to wait to get what we want.’ You huff your faux-complaint and hear him let out a sound that’s somewhere between a strained laugh and a gasp. ‘All I can think about now is how deep you were inside of me last night… how big you are. Fuck, Jamie, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that,’

You hear his breath catch in his throat and can imagine just how flushed his face must be right now. He’s always so bashful when you praise him, especially when you talk about his dick, and you wish you were there to see just how much your words are effecting him — but for now you’ll settle for listening to the wet sound of him fisting his cock getting faster and louder, and the quiet moans and groans and grunts he’s unable to bite back to let you know just how much he’s enjoying your vivid recollection.

You turn to look at your reflection in the mirror that’s leaning against the kitchen door and let your eyes drift from mark to mark as you speak. ‘Don’t think I’ll ever get used to that fucking marking kink of yours either… they’re everywhere, babe. I don’t even remember getting most of these — when did you get the chance to bite down on my thighs, anyway?’

He lets out a strained little sound before pulling himself together just enough to offer you an actual response, his words clipped and interrupted by gasps and moans and cries as he does his best to speak to you.

‘Couldn’t — hah — help myself. Y’so — God — amazing. ‘Nd you got so — oh — wet when I did it. They look s’good on you too…’

And you can’t stop yourself from plunging two fingers into your drooling pussy at his words, letting out a low groan that Jamie is quick to catch when your fingertips crook straight into your g-spot. And that little sound, and the faint wet sound of you fingering yourself down the phone, only serves to push your dear husband closer to his end as he wets his lips and forces out one last question to you.

‘Oh God,’ he all but moans out the words and it sends another wave of heat straight to your core, ‘sweetheart are you..?’

‘Mhm,’ you moaned out your confirmation to his unfinished question, ‘couldn’t help myself, you sound so hot when you’re jerking off Jamie…’

And that seems to be all it takes to finally send your husband toppling over the edge of climax. You hear the loud clattering of his phone dropping onto his desk and hear the broken, distant sound of him half-groaning-half-gasping your name through what you’re sure are gritted teeth before the line goes quiet and you’re left to push yourself to your own peak with that wonderfully erotic image in mind. Gasping and whining and moaning his name as loudly as you please into the emptiness of your new home until you’re cumming so violently all over your fingers that your vision goes completely white and you momentarily forget how to breathe — reaching nirvana with a muted cry of ‘oh my god’ that earns you a quiet moan through the speaker of your phone before you’re gone to the world and unable to think of much anything at all.

Anything at all besides the fact that you really wish it were Jamie’s fingers inside of you instead of your own, that is…

[morganpdf]

sorry in advance to my beloved boyfriend (not actually winston overwatch) who is going to have to wake up to all my winton posting. because i know how much he loves my winton posting.

[boromirswife]

for blorbo bingo: jamie winton of course!

He’s my beloved ❤️

[tokyotimes]

This autumn is set to deliver an exciting array of cultural offerings across literature, film, art, and fashion, with themes spanning dystopian futures, family dynamics, mid-life reflections, and political intrigue.

In Imagined Futures, expect thought-provoking narratives with Tim Winton’s Juice and Ali Smith’s Gliff. Wayne McGregor’s ballet MaddAddam, based on Margaret Atwood’s dystopian trilogy, envisions life after bio-engineered disaster. On the big screen, Francis Ford Coppola’s Megalopolis and Dreamworks' The Wild Robot tackle futuristic worlds. Meanwhile, designers Rick Owens and Fendi embrace utopian aesthetics in their autumn/winter 2024 collections, while Tate Modern’s Electric Dreams showcases five decades of artists' visions of the future.

Family Matters feature prominently this season, with Sally Rooney’s Intermezzo and Tessa Hadley’s The Party exploring sibling relationships. Netflix’s His Three Daughters and Fatma Aydemir’s Djinns delve into family tensions, while Jean Strouse’s Family Romance explores John Singer Sargent’s family portraits.

Mid-Life Stories offer reflections on ageing with Neneh Cherry’s memoir A Thousand Threads and Gail Crowth’s Dorothy Parker in Hollywood. In fiction, Virginie Despentes’ Dear Dickhead provides an irreverent look at mid-life, while the comedy My Old Ass blends humour with themes of growing older.

As Awards Season approaches, literary giants like Alan Hollinghurst, Richard Powers, and Haruki Murakami release new novels. In film, Ridley Scott’s Gladiator II leads the charge, with Alfonso Cuarón’s Disclaimer and Pedro Almodóvar’s The Room Next Door following suit. Steve McQueen’s Blitz opens the London Film Festival.

This season also sees a surge in Origin Stories, with biopics like A Complete Unknown, starring Timothée Chalamet as Bob Dylan, and The Apprentice with Sebastian Stan. HBO's The Penguin and Barry Jenkins’ Mufasa: The Lion King breathe new life into beloved franchises.

On the political front, State of the Nations narratives stand out, with Jonathan Coe’s The Proof of My Innocence and Michel Houellebecq’s Annihilation. Espionage takes center stage with The Day of the Jackal and Conclave, while Netflix’s The Diplomat returns for a second season.

Emerging Rising Stars like actor Adam Pearson and singer Flowerovlove are set to shine across music, fashion, and the arts, ensuring a culturally rich autumn ahead.

[reformedmercymain]

the best thing about ow2 is the increased amount of winstonposting that has been going on

[baynton]

2023 CHARACTER WRAP

share your top nine characters of this year

tagged by @matbaynton - sorry bestie didn't realise you'd tagged me until i was insulted i wasn't tagged when i saw emma do it. then checked my notifs and saw i was after all 😌

most will be mats. there are some non mats though!

1. chris pitt-goddard

he is just soooooo perfect. my beloved<3

2. joe starling

BEST BOY!!!!! BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY i love him sosososo much he's such a cringefail loser flop man and he's sooo beautiful and i love him dearly

3. ariel conroy + jamie winton

ariel is soooo insane and i love him!!! he's awful and terrible and perfect all at once. ough baby

and ariel's lovely lovely twin!!! like emma said u can't have one twin without the other, they're a duo. a package deal. they're also fucking 😌 real dirty 😌

4. sam pinkett

i need to knock him up. next

5. thomas thorne

the mat thru which i was introduced to mat (although i watched horrible histories when it first aired, so... reintroduced?) anyway he's perfect and i love him

6. william agar

precious little baby. adorable. perfect. not given enough love. sweet little thing. im kissing him always. also his arse 💯💯💯💯💯

7. ollie plimsolls

there is one person to blame for this. because of you, i think about him very often. and dream up scenarios involving him. and watch his scenes a lot. thanks heather xoxoxoxo

8. zagreus hadesgame

played a lot of hades again this year. his snark and his genuine loveliness make me soooo

9. edelgard von hresvelg

i looooooove her oh my goooooooood babygiiiiirl i loooooove youuuu. best part of playing black eagles is when rhea is like "kill her!!1!!" and byleth is like "no 💖"

tagging: @the-20th-century-girl @kore538 @sonnet-of-anarchy @captains-clever-goose @caps-clever-girl and idk anyone else who wants to do it x

[jamiewintons]

Okay, so I want to do some of those "(Character) once said" gif sets for Mat characters, and I’m going to start with my beloved Jamie!!

So please, send me your favourite Jamie Winton quote(s) and it might end up in my gif set!!

[sleepingdeath-light]

last updated ; 18/10/24

listed below is everything that i have written for the show “you, me and the apocalypse” across all of my accounts — characters are listed alphabetically by first name.

ariel conroy

alphabet — smut

hcs — how he celebrates valentine’s day [here]

hcs — autistic s/o [here]

smut hcs — fem s/o [here]

smut hcs — praise kink [here]

one shot — “reluctant nursemaid”

one shot — “for all the world to see” (nsfw)

one shot — “girls on film” (nsfw)

one shot — “a necessary evil” (nsfw)

one shot — “toxic” (nsfw)

one shot — “a taste of heaven” (nsfw)

jamie winton

alphabet — smut

hcs — how he celebrates valentine’s day [here]

hcs — s/o with adhd [here]

hcs — autistic s/o [here]

smut hcs — fem s/o [here]

smut hcs — praise kink [here]

one shot — “darling girl”

one shot — “teddy bear”

one shot — “idyll” (nsfw)

one shot — “sanctuary” (nsfw)

one shot — “deflowering” (nsfw)

one shot — “beloved boy” (nsfw)

one shot — “baby fever” (nsfw)

one shot — ‘lunch break’ (nsfw)

[agir1ukn0w]

[jamiewintons]

This is so adorable!!! Thank you so much for writing it!! 🥺💕

Idea given by @baronesszemo

Pairing: Jamie Winton x reader

Today was the first time you and Jamie went on a vacation together. You two had been planning this for a while now. You had one whole week together. Just the two of you. But no matter how excited you two were, there was a slight hitch: Going through the airport. The last time Jamie went to an airport was the day he lost Layla, five years ago. He hadn't taken a step in an airport since, not wanting to go through those bad memories again. But since he met you, he finally wanted to take a step out of his comfort zone and let himself feel happy. But still, Jamie worried that the same thing that happened to Layla would happen to you. You were very much aware of Jamie's worries and you could see that he was doing his best to stay calm and not to think about the worse.

"Jamie? It's going to be alright. We're going to take that plane and have amazing vacations." You tried to reassure him while running your thumb over his hand. Jamie gave you a small smile, and the two of you continued to walk through the airport.

Unfortunately, it seemed like a lot of people had decided to go on holiday at the same time, and going through the crowd was becoming quite difficult. As the two of you continued to make your way through the crowd when Jamie crashed into someone.

"Sorry. I didn't see you." Jamie apologized. He turned around to smile at you and grab your hand again. But instead of finding your comforting presence, he realised he was alone.

His heartbeat pounded in his chest as he went over every bad scenario he could think of.

"Y/N?" He called. This couldn't be happening again. Layla's disappearance almost completely broke him. He couldn't lose someone else. Not again.

Jamie looked everywhere around him, trying desperately to get the slightest glimpse of you when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Jamie?" As soon as he heard your voice, Jamie turned around.

"Here you are." You said with a smile. Before you could apologize for losing him, Jamie enveloped you with a hug, only to let go a few seconds later.

"Sorry love, I didn't mean to overreact. I thought you disappeared for a second."

"Hey, it's okay. No need to apologize, I understand." You told him. "I'm not going anywhere."

[norestwithoutlove]

i just finished "to build a home" and it was so beautiful i'm in awe. it's so delicately and carefully written. i really enjoyed it and i'm glad to see the AN at the end that you took something from the process yourself. aside from the compliment on your writing, i also wanted to ask you if you had a reading list? you referenced a lot of works in your fanfic and i was wondering if you had a list spare. i never got to do english at uni but want to make right on it. no worries if not! thank you

hello (this reply is gonna be manic asf apologies in advance) thank you so so much !!!!! im so glad you liked it hahahaha i really loved writing it and it came to mean so much to me <3 you’re so kind !!!!!

YES honestly you’ve asked me the ideal question here hahahaha i adore yammering about literature to anyone who’ll listen!! okay hmm some of the texts that were most formative for me while i wrote to build a home were

- the house in paris by elizabeth bowen (1935): really good, really fascinating stuff on the nature of memory and time particularly in relation to narrative voice. loads of stuff about houses and buildings in it, generally just really thoughtfully written. really good child characters which i think often authors can mess up but the kids in this book are really convincing and empathetically portrayed.

- cloudstreet by tim winton (1991): SO interesting. a really cool exploration of working class life in australia, familial bonds and the complexity of family, community and kinship. sad, often, a little bit of magical realism, and again some really cool stuff on houses and particularly houses as having memories

- beloved by toni morrison (1987): in general just one of the best books ever written. i am unable to stop singing morrison’s praises and i really don’t want to hahahah. she was the greatest writer of this century imo and this book is so raw and harrowing. comes with a big trigger warning for a lot of things so i’d read around it before diving in, but it’s an exploration of the immediate legacy of slavery, its psychological and physical repercussions in the years immediately following its abolition, but also with much broader implications for its heritage in the modern day. it’s such an incredible book. again, it looks at houses and memory and narrative.

- persuasion by jane austen (1817): this one is so good. it’s basically my comfort book, i adore it. big lost lover reunion vibes, lovers to enemies to friends to lovers vibes. so beautiful.

- grief is the thing with feathers by max porter (2015): very short, extremely poetical look at grief and loss at its most raw and complex. i cried a LOT while reading this one. it’s messy, visually, this scrawled book with inky images and type. it’s so good, so cathartic. i have this morbid fascination with it which i think you’re meant to have, because we all have this morbid fascination with death even as we’re revolted by it. yeah. couldn’t recommend this one enough.

- nox, by anne carson (2010): a really really messy text about the death of carson’s brother. it’s this book you have to literally unpack from its box, you have to unfold and untangle the pages and it’s really unmanageable (like grief). the box it comes in is like a tombstone, it’s big and heavy and grey. this one is really expensive though so if you want to read other stuff about grief by anne carson i would say read her translation of sophocles’ antigone. i wept. so much. it’s such a good, thorny translation. if you’re interested in greek tragedy in general, i would recommend the translations of anne carson or robert fagles. and theatre of war do really great productions of the plays, particularly looking at their implications in the modern day.

- king lear by billy shakes. just as a play exploring fatherhood and forgiveness and obligation and grief it’s so good. it’s my favourite shakespeare play. you can get it online, and there was a really good film of it out recently with anthony hopkins and florence pugh

some other literature that i love:

- the swan book by alexis wright (2013): i truly cannot and could not fault it. a flawless book. tangled knots of sentences, an incredible exploration of landscape and trauma, the mapping of sorrow, within a particularly environmentalist and indigenous context. 

- giovannis room and go tell it on the mountain by james baldwin

- a thousand splendid suns by khaled hosseini (2007): brilliant brilliant book

fuck this list is getting obnoxiously long sorry okay:

- any play by tennessee williams - any essay by audre lorde - any poem by r s thomas - any other book by toni morrison

if u want more recs please drop me a message any time !! i love giving em

[buttercupsfrocks]

I was in two minds whether to even make this post as my photos are of disappointing quality. Despite the bright sunlight streaming through my living room windows all day yesterday, anything below the knee remained shrouded in deep shadow. My mission was to style a pair of ankle length, black plisse Zara culottes, purchased last summer, in two different ways. But, alas, said culottes proved impossible to photograph, least of all in any detail. However, since they are a mainstay of my spring/summer wardrobe, and the point was to keep it real, I’m keeping it real.

Both the tops I’m modelling today came from local charity shops. To be honest, if it hadn’t been BNWT and going for a pittance I ordinarily wouldn’t have gone for this one. It’s a brand – Malissa J – stocked by the lady who runs what used to be the World’s Loveliest Gift Shop® and may even have started off there. It’s now a small, independent boutique and very much reflects the owner’s style, which runs towards loud, loose and very blingy. And while I’m not the biggest proponent of bling, and Lord knows I hate a shark bite hem almost as much as I hate a cold shoulder, I am a sucker for a big ol’ Rocky Horror pout. So home with me it came. The shoes are my trusty Office brogues from several years ago.

These 80s-mongous earrings are from Freedom for Topshop. Haven’t shared them on the blog before but they’re from a couple of years back when they suddenly became my number one purveyor of groovy, affordable perspex earrings. Poor Topshop. Last seen closing down their Richmond branch, which had been there since God’s dog was a puppy. I wonder which, if any, of our high street brands will be left standing if and when we’re permitted to mingle in public again? 

This is the alternative styling of the keks, which I actually wore all day. The top is from an Australian brand called Country Road and is probably meant to be  oversized, (they stop at a size 16), but it fits me like a regular shell top. And I have just this minute twigged that the reason I like it so much is because it has the exact same colour scheme as my paternal grandmother’s kitchen in the 60s. I’m accessorising with my Clark’s Trigenic sandals, Les Néréides spilled popcorn necklace, and last summer’s Oliver Bonas earrings. 

Also this vintage bracelet...

I meant to feature these two cups in my previous post but somehow they got away. The Royal Winton chintz cost me £1.75 in a chazza, (the saucer was broken and expertly mended; it doesn’t show unless you pick it up and turn it upside down), and the purple and gold cup and saucer to the left of it was a gift from a Facebook friend who was having a purge and thought it might be The Very Thing for my cabinet, which it certainly is. The inside of the cup has a pinky-lilac lustre glaze and, like my Paragon ones, has a combo of transfer and hand painted decoration. The bracelet, I think, is probably 60s. I thrifted it many moons ago and it’s missing a couple of diamantés. Though according to my late stepfather, who was an antiques enthusiast and taught me to haggle like a pro, any scratches, cracks, dents, or missing bits qualify as “patina” so I wear it with pride regardless.

And now I must share something amusing with you. As you know I do occasionally like a bit of European-Fat-Lady-of-a-Certain-Age-Chic, aka Lagenlook. When it’s done well, (and only when it’s done well) it can make for quite an opulent lewk. Like this delicate, ethereal confection worthy of Rooney Mara herself, which I’d totally wear to a wedding. Possibly even my own...

By the way, is “lewk” pronounced, as I suspect, more like “leeairk”? Because whenever I see it bandied about by the youth, I always hear it pronounced by some inner Liam Gallagher – a flat and nasal “luke”– which can’t possibly be what they’re going for. Sorry. Digressing. Lagenlook. 

Here’s some more from my beloved Gudrun Sjoden, very much to my liking...

You just know I’d be accused of Clown-Style if I wore the lime green  ensemble. Would I care? No, I would not. Come at me, bro.  So. Anyway, I stumbled across what looked like an intriguing garment on Pinterest. Crisp red linen, oversized, with lots of intricate pleating at the back. I assumed it to be a Yamamoto or some such and followed the link out of idle curiosity, only to end up on the website of an exclusive UK Lagenlook boutique which will remain nameless for your own protection, catering to women of all sizes. At first my interest was piqued until I discovered that the vast majority of the clothes they stock are black and faint-inducingly expensive. (A pair of shoes I was quite taken with cost almost five hundred quid. I think we’re probably all on the same page here). They were also for the most part so unremittingly ghastly that I was rendered quite speechless.

There’s a reason why these trousers are known as “shit catchers” in certain circles. Those frights on the right are described on the site as Best Ever Trousers and come in at £220. As for the other ensemble, which describes itself as pink but I think we all know it’s beige, the model’s face says it all. The woman whose brainchild the business is prides herself as being: "passionate about "proportion" and "tone" and also ensuring the right shape is on the right person...and with 25 years working personally with clients in my renowned city centre store, I feel my knowledge of body shape and clothing to suit is considerable.”

Shall we just take a closer look at those trousers on the left? You know you want to...

Still. Have. No. Words.

The lady, who describes herself as rotund and apple shaped, as I would myself, is an enthusiastic endorser of the Best Ever Trouser paired with a “one size” top that probably would fit everyone; simultaneously. 

For £269 you can have one just like it. Clown Style’s beginning to look pretty good at this point, isn’t it?

[lotkerlon]

Who was the host of supermarket sweep

#Who was the host of supermarket sweep series#

#Who was the host of supermarket sweep tv#

Talking to EW via his landline, the longtime host of Supermarket Sweep (1990-95, 2000-2003) David Ruprecht says hes recently. I can’t wait for it to be reintroduced with Leslie’s fresh and unique take on the classic supermarket race, which will undoubtedly appeal to an entirely new generation of viewers. Okay zoomers, its time to protect this supermarket daddy at all costs. The original version was one of my all-time favorites. Winton’s agent Jan Kennedy confirmed his. The popular television host was best known for long-running daytime game show Supermarket Sweep.

#Who was the host of supermarket sweep tv#

At the time the host had not been confirmed, but they did indicate that the new version would have a modern makeover. Gay British TV presenter Dale Winton has died aged 62.

#Who was the host of supermarket sweep series#

ABC Entertainment President Karey Burke ( via Deadline ): “ Supermarket Sweep is the perfect addition to ABC’s strong lineup of classic game show revivals, and we struck gold having Leslie Jones as the host and executive producer. Supermarket Sweep’s new series kicks off on ITV2 on Monday night at 8pm.

Supermarket Sweep is a fan favorite and with the addition of genius Leslie Jones, a new generation will be introduced to this truly special series.”

Jayson Dinsmore, president, Alternative Development and Programming, Fremantle: “We are beyond excited to bring back one of TV’s most beloved game shows.

Being able to bring the iconic game show back to life on ABC is my ultimate redemption story!” Seriously, I tried out for the show years ago and after getting turned away, I knew I’d have to take matters into my own hands. Heres everything to know about the revival of the hit shopping-based game show Supermarket Sweep, including release date, host, rules, history and more. Don't you folks agree with me if they had came up with a different host. Someone created a petition to get Leslie Jones fired as host of the revival of Supermarket Sweep because not only is she a comedian but she's annoying, obnoxious and screams/yells way too loud on this version.

Leslie Jones: “I’ve always dreamed of being on Supermarket Sweep. Petition to get Leslie Jones fired as Supermarket Sweep host.

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Q&A WITH SIMON BAKER

The actor on challenging prescribed masculine ideals, leaving legacies behind, and his feature film directorial debut Breath. 

“I’m really proud of this movie and I still sort of pinch myself that we were able to pull it off at all,��� confessed Simon Baker to The Guardian earlier this month in speaking about his feature film directorial debut. “What I wanted to do with this movie is try to make a film that had a bit more longevity and, for my own satisfaction, had some kind of a legacy that I felt proud of.” Up until this point, the Australian actor has been a TV mainstay with his seven-year tenure on The Mentalist, not to mention his three-season commitment on The Guardian before it, playing a corporate attorney sentenced to countless hours of community service at a child advocacy office following a drug conviction. Evidently, Baker is looking to cement a different kind of legacy with Breath: an adaptation of Tim Winton’s acclaimed novel of the same title, in which is he also stars.

Set in the 1970s and largely shot in the Western Australian coastal town of Denmark, Breath is a rite-of-passage tale that chronicles a pair of small town boys who come under the spell of a Svengali-like, former pro surfer. The bro-triangle that develops out on the water between sensitive teenager Pikelet (Samson Coulter), his reckless best friend Loonie (Ben Spence), and their mentor Sando (Baker) is held together by instinctive respect, but also threatened by ego and rivalries, especially as Loonie’s increasingly erratic bravado pulls him mercilously into the direction his name suggests. Further complicating the boys’ surrogate parentage is Sando’s wife, Eva (Elizabeth Debicki), a former competitive skier - a confusing erotic presence: too old to be a conventional love interest, yet too young to be their mother - who communicates a kind of impenetrable sorrow.

I’m sure adapting any novel for the screen, let alone something by Tim Winton whose work is beloved, is fraught with obstacles. What sort of conversations did you have with him when you were about to embark on this project?

I had a couple of conversations with him on the phone and we talked more broadly about the approach to it. Then at one of the first dinners that just he and I had together, we pretty much outlined what I wanted to take out of the novel and distill into a film. Because they’re very different mediums, you can’t do a literal translation of the book and put it on the screen—it’s not really going to work out. It has to be broken down and then reinvented as a movie. So that was the process. I had the framework and the approach to it that I needed to run by Tim. I had his go-ahead or his approval and a sort of blessing, really, to be able to fuck with it and make it my own. He was a hundred percent on board with that. In fact, he was really encouraging of that, which I thought was brave of him and very trusting of him. Then he pretty much let me go in the direction that I wanted to go. He did a very early draft of the script, but I worked a lot with Gerard Lee. When we got to a point where [Gerard] kind of wanted to make a different movie out of it, I worked on it on my own from that point on, getting it to the shape where it is now.

I saw this quote from you: “You have to be prepared to murder the book, I think, and I needed to get Tim’s permission.” I think that’s so honest and accurate.

That was pretty much it, yeah.

Breath was a seven-year journey for you to get made and you can sense that it really comes from the heart. But I understand you weren’t originally attached to direct on top of your other duties. Was there always an ambition to direct?

It was an ambition that I had for a very long time. I mean, pretty much from the point in which I was an actor arriving on set. I was like, “Yeah, this is fantastic. I’m on this set as an actor. But I’m much more interested in what that guy there is doing.” [Laughs] Because he’s the conductor. He’s the guy that’s putting the whole thing together and that always fascinated me a bit more. I like the way things work. [Directing is] a lot more consuming in so many aspects. Your time, your energy, your emotional input, your sense of craftiness—I find it far more fulfilling in so many ways than I do with acting. I wish I found acting as fulfilling. Unfortunately, I just don’t. I don’t dislike acting. I just like that all-consuming nature of directing.

Maybe there’s a kind of parallel to be made between you, a veteran actor, directing these newcomer actors, and Sando mentoring the kids. Did that bring back some memories from when you first started out in the business?

A hundred percent. We were kind of living the story of the film in the making of the film in a lot of ways. It did make me [feel that way], just like probably how Sando aligns himself with these two young guys because I think he’s fearing his own mortality—a midlife crisis or something. Being around those two guys, Samson Coulter and Ben Spence who play Pikelet and Loonie, made me feel incredibly vital again. It did really energize me in a lot of ways, and because they were so raw and so natural, it kind of puts you on your toes as an actor as well.

I’ve come to learn that you surf in real life so you were well-aware of the world that you’re going into. What was your approach to capturing these expressive images on the water? For instance, how do you communicate to viewers this feeling of surfing for the very first time?

My approach was to make it feel really authentic and a big part of that authenticity is the fact that, when you’re on the water surfing, you’re exposed to such a sensory overload at times. Sometimes, you can’t see completely. Other times, you can’t hear completely. So you’re sort of immersed in the water and the things that we rely on on land are pushed to the back. It’s incredibly visual when you’re surfing on the water. Some of the glimpses of the beauty that you’re exposed to and take for granted—I wanted to capture the simplicities of what those things are because I think it’s always going to help the audience feel like they’re experiencing it themselves. Also, living that experience through a character—going from land and transitioning into the water—you never really lose sight of the protagonist. We don’t detach and then see them surfing. We go with them. I think that helps to enhance the experience. Obviously, visually, it’s shot very simply, but that visual world is incredibly beautiful. Then the sound design just enhances the visuals. The sound design is a big part of this film. If you do get a chance, go see it in a cinema with good sound. The sound design is a big factor in a lot of the sequences in the ocean.

The film is so much your baby as a filmmaker, but you also turn in a great performance as Sando. Was he immediately recognizable to you? Who did you model that character after?

He was definitely immediately recognizable to me. I’ve had very similar relationships as these boys. I’ve had relationships with Sando-like figures all through my life, particularly through their age period. I mean, my upbringing was very similar to this. I knew most of these characters quite well. I didn’t model Sando after one specific person. I think there’s a bit of a license there because Sando is just one piece in the fabric of the film and I wanted him to be the antidote to Pikelet’s father, who is quite restrained and conservative. He’s loving and gentle and thoughtful, but quite conservative. The idea was that, as a sort of mentor figure, Sando paralleled the role of Pikelet’s father, but was the antithesis of his father.

You directed a string of episodes when you were starring on The Mentalist. I know that must be a completely different beast, but that must help you nonetheless. What did you find most challenging on this directorial debut on a feature film?

Because it’s such a personal story, I think the most challenging thing for me was keeping a perspective on the bigger picture of the story for audiences that do know this world. I love movies where you enter into a world that you’re not familiar with or that’s sort of somewhat unexpected, but there’s an integrity to the world where there isn’t anything that takes you out of it once you’re in it. You’re in it for the entire film, even if it’s a science fiction film. A fantastic movie that I love is Children of Men, the Alfonso Cuaron one with Clive Owen. You enter into that world and you just buy right into it completely. There’s no bad notes that take you out of what that world is. I enjoy that aspect of watching a film, especially if I don’t know anything about it and just going in and going,”Wow, I’ve gone into this other sort of dimension.” To keep perspective on the storytelling and keeping that world authentic, whether it’s personal or not, is a challenge. But going back to what you were saying about working on shows and directing episodes of The Mentalist, it’s a completely different animal. But obviously, it’s great training ground—a great sort of practice field for doing something that immerses like Breath.

Breath offers this bit of poetry in the form of narration: “How strange it was to see men do something beautiful. Something pointless and elegant, as though nobody saw or cared.” It’s a wonderful meditation on prescribed identities and finding your own way. What does that signify for you on a personal level?

I like what you’re saying: prescribed identifies. I’ve articulated that the film’s about identities, but I haven’t used “prescribed identity” and I’m going to steal that from you, Kee. [Laughs] Because that’s exactly what it is. To me, there were so many times as a young man this pressure to comply to a certain masculine ideal. So often, you would feel like a failure because you fell short in some way or you couldn’t live up to this expectation. It puts a lot of pressure on the individual. That is a prescribed identity. What I wanted to do was set up that framework of the stereotypical, masculine, macho sort of idea and subvert it through Pikelet’s strength as an individual, in the moment that he finds his strength as an individual that defines him as a unique person. And then he sees that in his father as well. That was important to me because I’ve felt those moments as a kid. I fell short and I didn’t understand why I fell short or why I had to comply to a prescribed identity.

The Mentalist is far-reaching. You go to South Korea and they’re still rerunning episodes. I saw it come on in Austria the other day. You’ve cemented one legacy. What legacy are you looking to leave behind now?

I want to make films. I want to become a filmmaker. I want to make films that connect with people, you know? Whether I’ll be achieve that—I don’t know. I don’t think of it as so much a legacy. It’s more about just not taking the opportunities that I have for granted, more than anything. And growing. I wanna grow. I wanna learn. I wanna share these experiences with people. And when I say that, I don’t mean sharing the film with people so much as sharing the experiences of making the film because you do share that experience with a lot of people. That’s what you carry away. The film is a byproduct of that shared experience.

Is there a sophomore feature on the horizon?

There is. I’ve optioned Tim Winton’s most recent book called The Shepherd’s Hut, which is a great book. It’s tense and brutal and speaks a lot to intergeneralational, toxic masculinity.