#will wood wednesday rant

[willwood-lyrics]

wednesday is not only the greatest betrayal in television history but the most maddeningly trite, disturbingly vapid, and internally confused ideological train wreck I've ever had the deeply sorrowful displeasure of allowing to pass through my corneas may god have mercy on burton or whoever else was responsible while someone slapped his brand name on it, and on all of us who are fated to live in a world where something so culturally, socially, politically, and artistically noxious as this Mary-sue-lead, transparently TikTok-targeted, phone-worshipping, vaguely bigoted, backfired virtue-signaling, fake leftist capitalist "my immortal"-esque fanfic earns a second season through what I can only be explained as manufactured consent. something must be done about Netflix's Wednesday. This thing is a condescending insult, especially to young people, the socially conscious, and members of marginalized and "outcast" groups who genuinely suffer from what this thing hollowly masturbates to while looking us dead in the eyes and saying "yeah, you like that, don't you?" It is a Gatling gun of random buzzwords and empty references to social issues, grotesquely and impotently disguised and screaming "I'm commentary!" before pissing its pants, squealing like a pig, and at its most coherent offering nothing more than to demonize mental illness and make any marginalized identity out to be a mayonnaise-stained Hot Topic hoodie through Wiseau-ian dialogue, inappropriate "grittiness" for its source material and Harry Potter setting, and incessant hackery. I am shitting. I am pissing. I am standing over a warm bubble bath cradling a toaster and sobbing, chanting g-d's secret name and praying that there is indeed a hell so I can be eternally punished for having given this moral abomination one fraction of a fraction of a cent also it's not a good Addams family adaptation anyway let me know your thoughts in the poll below

[dailywillwood]

Made by @onyx-colony

[lemonsrlit]

wednesday is not only the greatest betrayal in television history but the most maddeningly trite, disturbingly vapid, and internally confused hello jon, apologies for the deception but I

[autizmogenderia]

got to practice using audacity in class today and we made our own recordings to practice editing. some random person is going to wonder why a recording of someone ranting about netflix's wednesday followed by 20 seconds of silence and then "I AM LEGION" is saved to a classroom computer

[hangmanxo]

It has been well over a year and not a day goes by where I don't think about the Wednesday rant

He's so fucking real

William my boy!

[swampthing07-willwood]

[this-is-my-private-life]

This is how I imagined Will writing the 'Wednesday Rant'.

[allthedrugsforcreativity]

Gwen LaMorte hates Netflix’s Wednesday

[ragswoh]

wednesday is not only the greatest betrayal in television history but the most maddeningly trite, disturbingly vapid, and internally confused ideological train wreck I've ever had the deeply sorrowful displeasure of allowing to pass through my corneas may god have mercy on burton or whoever else was responsible while someone slapped his brand name on it, and on all of us who are fated to live in a world where something so culturally, socially, politically, and artistically noxious as this Mary-sue-lead, transparently TikTok-targeted, phone-worshipping, vaguely bigoted, backfired virtue-signaling, fake leftist capitalist "my immortal"-esque fanfic earns a second season through what I can only be explained as manufactured consent. something must be done about Netflix's Wednesday. This thing is a condescending insult, especially to young people, the socially conscious, and members of marginalized and """outcast""" groups (LiKe GoThS & ppL who CAN cONTroL BEEEEES) who genuinely suffer from what this thing hollowly masturbates to while looking us dead in the eyes and saying "yeah, you like that, don't you?" It is a Gatling gun of random buzzwords and empty references to social issues, grotesquely and impotently disguised and screaming "I'm commentary!" before pissing its pants, squealing like a pig, and at its most coherent offering nothing more than to demonize mental illness and make any marginalized identity out to be a mayonnaise-stained Hot Topic hoodie through Wiseau-ian dialogue, inappropriate "grittiness" for its source material and Harry Potter setting, and incessant hackery. I am shitting. I am pissing. I am standing over a warm bubble bath cradling a toaster and sobbing, chanting g-d's secret name and praying that there is indeed a hell so I can be eternally punished for having given this moral abomination one fraction of a fraction of a cent also it's not a good Addams family adaptation.

[felixcosm]

Wednesday was such a godawful show, every time I see Jenna Ortega in other roles, I can't help but be reminded of how terrible (and not in a good or camp way) that series was

[watcherglowcloud]

every now and then the autism is too strong and i Have to learn a new string of words to memorize

[postmodernbisexual]

I am shitting. I am pissing. I am standing over a warm bubble bath cradling a toaster and sobbing, chanting g-d’s secret name and praying that there is indeed a hell.

[letorip]

Can you do headcanons about meeting/first date with Jenna’s characters?

meetings & first dates

very funny to think about, i really did have quite good fun writing this one. thank you as always to the anon who requested, i was happy to oblige. also this isn’t what i originally planned to put out but casual [iii] should be out soon so maybe this’ll fill the void. i'm also on holiday at the moment, so that's why i'm posting at a weird hour (5 am) my ass had a plane to catch

i think i cooked on the lorraine one, would y'all want that one too

wednesday addams

you meet her in jericho, working behind the counter of the hardware store your parents own, when she stomps inside in her rain soaked boots and down a random aisle without a word at you

when she comes back with a shovel, some duct tape, a taser, and some rope, you have to awkwardly joke that it looks like she's trying to kill something

she doesn't laugh at your joke, instead staring right back at you, and you feel yourself gulp

that's your first interaction, and you don't see her again for a few days, until she comes back to buy a box of nails, and then a week later, a bucket, and a few days after that, a plunger

you won't know it until later, but she didn't actually need the nails or the bucket, she just needed an excuse to go back to the hardware store and buy some stuff so she could get up close to you

after four or five trips of her buying the most odd, random shit, she works up the courage to actually start talking to you a bit more. after a few more trips after that, you ask her what the stuff is all for, and she lets you in on the creature in the woods killing the locals, and that she claims to have seen it

for what it's worth, you believe her immediately, about rowan and the hyde and crackstone, and you listen to her theorise, leaning on the counter until someone else comes in and asks you where the plywood is, and you have to actually go do your job. wednesday stares down the intruder, trying to smite them with her eyes, but you always give her an apologetic smile before you leave

she tells you later when you're better friends and she's confessing, but she thinks of you as an odd comfort and home that she never realised she desired, and being in the hardware store and having you smile at her gave her a single fluttering of that warmth

eventually she brings you on her investigations and her cold, dead heart is running a million miles an hour the entire time, but you have to hide how close you are to wednesday from your father, because of his passionate dislike of outcasts

wednesday comes to your back window and chucks rocks at the glass to get your attention, romeo and juliet style, so that you can sneak out

when you actually ask her out, it's before you've even kissed, and wednesday wordlessly nods yes with her mouth hanging open, before she grabs the collar of your jacket and messily kisses you for the first time

your first date is to a movie, and to a horror movie, to be more specific. you take her to get food at a local diner that's open 24 hours, super late at night, and though she makes a remark about how these restaurants were unhealthy and an indicator of what's wrong with america, she thoroughly enjoys her waffle and you even manage to get her to wear one of those silly diner hates for a moment. she doesn't admit it, but she likes making you laugh

the movie is an incredibly rough experience. you despise horror movies, but wednesday is left smiling at the screen as a man is ripped to shreds in front of your eyes

that is until she realises your discomfort, and she realises you only did this because you knew she would like it. the realisation literally blows her mind, and she watches your face contort in disgust and fear, before gently reaching over and hastily grabbing your hand

she doesn't say another word, struggling to process the new emotions until you're both done with the movie and walking home. you're ranting about how gross it was and how you would be having nightmares for weeks because of it, and then she reaches up to the back of your neck and pulls you down into another fiery kiss, right as it starts to rain

tara carpenter

you've known tara for years, since you're also from woodsboro. you went to the same elementary school and she’s known of you for a long, long time since you chased her around the playground with a lizard in your hands

tara's always liked you, and you've both always had some attraction to each other and magical chemistry, but there's always been something to keep you apart

tara's involvement with amber and then chad, and then your own girlfriends, it was never the right time for you both to explore whatever electricity you could feel between you, so you didn't until you were both well into your year at blackmore

you only really get close until you take the same film class as tara. tara takes it because she's a film major and you take it because you need the credit and it's the only option of a class that takes place after 8 in the morning

you sit right next to each other and for the whole semester, you two slowly grow closer and closer, poking each other and whispering stuff while the professor prattles on

she's the de facto film buff of the group, only rivalled by mindy, and so you go to her whenever you're working on a project, because you're definitely the type to watch stupid shit, and not the high-brow film stuff the class requires

it means you end up hanging out a lot, at the library, at the coffee shop, on the couch of her apartment. you both set up the '1 for 1' rule, in which she gets to show you a movie for ever movie you get to show her

and she shows you really annoyingly good stuff, while you make her watch utter garbage. neither of you admit it, but you end up liking some of the high-brow art she pushes and she ends up having fun with the stupid movies you show her

when she makes you watch the babadook, you make her watch hot tub time machine, when she makes you watch citizen kane, you make her watch bridesmaids, and when she makes you watch la la land, you make her watch zoolander. it's a mutual exchange of interests, and you both lean against each other when you watch them on the couch or on her bed

paddington absolutely makes tara carpenter cry, there, i said it, and you show it to her and hug her when she does

things are genuinely just so easy and perfect with you, and it's so natural in a way that is unnatural for tara, but in a good way. you're unlike anyone she's ever been with, and it's refreshing and new in a way that's so exciting when you both kiss during the movie before sunrise

that's why it's so funny when your first date goes absolutely awfully

it rains on you, while you both walk to the restaurant and neither of you brought an umbrella because it wasn't projected to rain. then the sushi place you're bringing her to completely forgets your reservation and you're both waiting 30 minutes to get a table, and to top matters off, you end up being allergic to a fish you try for the first time, and need to get taken in hospital

you're not even choking really, just broken out into hives and feeling lightheaded, and tara's in the ambulance with you on the way there, and you're both talking casually, like "how was your day?"

you both get there and realise tara forgot her phone at the restaurant, and whereas anyone else would be pissed and call it a terrible date and give up, you both are fucking laughing your heads off at how cartoonishly awful the date went, even though it's a hospital, and that probably isn't the right place to be laughing in

when you're released super late that night, you both end up just wandering around new york until the late hours of the morning, just talking and occasionally holding hands. tara mentions that it reminds her of la la land, and you kiss, and what would've been a deal-breaking, awful date for anyone else just becomes something you shared with each other, and brings you even more in love

reminds me of the song ant pile by dominic fike

lorraine day

you meet lorraine as the kid of the new corn farmer in town, after your grandfather gets too old to be able to maintain his land by himself. your father has to come back and take over, due to his declining health, and you first see each other when lorraine and her daddy come to say hello and talk business for cow feed

she spots you in the back, leaning on the fence next to the field with your arms crossed and your hat pulled low, and you're just watching her and her dad talking to yours with a frown

she's set on edge by your presence, even though you're not really part of the conversation. she has to stop herself when she realises she keeps looking over at you every couple seconds, and you're still just staring at her and her father in a way that isn't exactly friendly

your dad is a generally nice guy, and he gives her your name in a passing mention and graciously accepts the pie lorraine's momma made to bring to the new partners, but it overall isn't a great first impression, and she decides right there in her daddy's truck on the ride home that she doesn't like you very much

when you're brought up again, it's by her father a week or so later. he's mentioning how helpful you are around your grandfather's farm over dinner, saying how your grandfather is blessed to have someone so good-hearted, and lorraine can’t help but remember the look of you glowering against the fence at them and doubt how true that is

she still doesn't like you, when you actually talk for the first time. RJ is bringing her home after an incredibly awkward date and gets a flat, and just as it starts to rain, guess who spots her and decides to pull over in their rusty ass pickup truck with a weird look on your face that lorraine can't help but assume is smugness

your truck bed is full of tools and supplies for your grandfather's farm and you haven't got a spare on you, but you know there's one in the shed on your farm. there's only one seat open in your truck, and even though lorraine heavily hints to RJ that she doesn't want to go, she's volunteered, as RJ doesn't want to leave his van on the side of the road, even though there's not many people who would touch the piece of junk

you snort when he insinuates that lorraine wouldn't be strong enough to fend off anyone who would take the van, and even though she's equally as miffed by RJ's assumption she's a bit annoyed by you defending her

the ride home is incredibly tense and neither of you say much until you're pulling into your yard and you say, "for the record, i highly doubt he'll be fending anyone off either." it's funny and it almost makes her laugh until she remembers she decided she didn't like you and she has to get serious again, and tells you not to talk about her boyfriend that way, and you don't say anything for the rest of the time you're helping her

she sits in the truck watching you from the wing mirror as you roll the spare out from your shed and then hoist it into the truck bed, looking sweaty and muscles tensing with effort. even though you're kind of annoying, you're tanned and you're fit, and it's something she can't help but notice whenever she goes to your farm in search of her father, who sometimes comes over to buy corn for his cattle

you both naturally start to grow into something resembling a friendship. you'll shoot the shit when you're not working, leaning on the handle of a shovel half in the ground, and lorraine will walk over and just kind of talk to you for a while. she doesn't even really realise the annoyance has melted away until it smacks her in the face that she was really wrong about you

your first date isn't actually a date until it's over. lorraine is at a lake day with her friends when one shows up with you in tow. she didn't even realise you had friends, but you're there with them and you look damn good in your swim suit, and you actually start talking a little bit about leaving the big city for your grandfather

you're all having fun, swimming around and talking, and she sees you're pretty funny when you want to be. it's kind of jarring to see just how wrong she was about you, and you both end up dancing around to your friend playing guitar and singing along

you end up being her ride home, and though there's still an underlying tension in the air, this time your truck is full of laughter and you're both actually talking. about halfway through, you accidentally let it slip that you asked your friend if lorraine was going to be there, and though the tips of your ears are red and you're apologising, lorraine can't help but reach right over and kiss you, and suddenly everything feels right in the world

cairo sweet

you meet her on the first day of creative writing, as the new student at your school, and mr. miller's seating chart places you directly next to her. she stares at you a bit, as if unimpressed by your existence, and you stare right back at her, equally as unimpressed

though you're new, you quickly skyrocket to incredible academic success, and cairo is enraged to find that with the transfer of credits, you're now really the valedictorian, sweeping it from underneath her feet at the very end of her senior year

with that, she absolutely despises you and everything you stand for

you have to trade papers for peer grading and while you calmly grade it at first, when you see that yours is covered in marks and cairo is being absolutely brutal beyond belief, nitpicking every little punctuation mark and symbol she can, you get a bit annoyed and start doing the exact same thing to her

it's a giant game of one-upping the other, and you guys repeatedly mess with each other like a chess match of fucking each other over. neither of you will admit you find the other annoyingly magnetic and captivating, you instead resort to messing with each other's standings

you both are duking it out over each little test grade, as cairo desperately tries to regain her spot at number one and you attempt to fend her off and keep your place. she'll brag about her perfect score on the calculus exam, and then you'll clap back with your extra credit. you absolutely dominate her in maths and sciences but she has you beat in creative writing and histories

winnie is greatly amused by the whole ordeal, and keeps insisting to cairo that you both should get it over with and fuck already but she scoffs and claims to resent the implication. doesn't mean she hasn't thought about it, though

her involvement with mr. miller is something she's only doing to maintain her spot as mr. miller's favourite student. cairo has the writing skill to back it up and is incredibly gifted with the pen, but you ooze a certain charisma that makes the teachers around you all giant fans, and she would be lying if she didn't say she was worried you would pull mr. miller's recommendation letter with it, and steal it right out from under her. it's entirely possible for a teacher to write more than one recommendation letter, she just wants the satisfaction of being the first one to get it

when you're partnered up on a group writing project that needs to be done in pairs, cairo sees it as the perfect opportunity to gather intel on you. another thing she hates is how mysterious you are, and how not many people actually know that much about you, other than how pleasant you are

she insists it has to happen at your house, and though you try to argue, she insists it has to be the case. it surprises her, when she puts your address into her phone and she sees it's a small one bedroom apartment in a bad part of town, without air conditioning and with terrible plumbing, and that your father works three jobs to support you

she doesn't know what she expected, but that's definitely not it, with your ability to dress and intelligence. suddenly her arch nemesis gains a third dimension, and she understands just how hard you work

though you're guarded at first, you both actually slowly discover that you don't exactly mind the other that much. you still want to keep your spot and she desperately wants it for her own, but you say something silly and it makes her laugh- really laugh- for what feels like the first time in a long time

you work together on the project more and more, and suddenly she's enjoying your company and wanting you around. she's definitely a little bit disgusted by that at first, but it's something she can't deny

she asks you on your first date to a poetry reading on a saturday, and you're a bit confused since the group project is already over, but you decide to go anyways and you have a great time. you say something profound after one of the poems, and cairo's eyes just drop to your lips in a weird amazement

she's dragging you to the bathroom immediately before the next poem can even start, and i don't think i have to say what happens next, but it's messy and there's lipstick everywhere

your father snorts when you get home that night, and there's dark red lipstick smudged all over your lips and a bit down your neck, and you roll your eyes at him with a smile

[joannasteez]

WIP WEDNESDAY!

thanks for the tag! @harmshake a little lumberjack!roman i’ve been slowly chippin away at, i have no clue when this will be ready to post but i dont know, maybe its worth a share of what i have so far

his beer is cold. wet glass slipping against his skin. a crisp hoppy taste on his tongue that settles till his belly excites with warm. the ache in his hands seeking a temporary remedy, holding to the chill of the bottle. thick fingers working with a diligent memory of axes and chainsaws. an all day affair thats old and tedious. the smell of walnut and oak and maple, chips of fly away wood and the hard sun. a good cold beer after a hard day was a must. mandatory. so friday's meant a beer plus two extra. but never four because jey always overdid shit and he had to be the dad of the group. had to take care of baby boy jey. and sometimes seth. and sometimes dean. because dean loved to play and fuck around, car keys jingling between the saucy slip of his fingers, feigning the mind of a sober man and the reckless lust of a drunk one. cackling and teary eyed, because panic about roman's face was just so fucking funny.

lucy's is a town bar. built dead center and extremely assessable. and lucy's has everything. karaoke for jimmy & jey, darts for seth and solo, pool for dean, and nice comfy worn leather booths for roman. his favorite booth on the far left side of lucy's, tucked up against the wall. equidistant from the bathroom set behind the karaoke stage and the bar. where his quiet half sleepy eyes could roam and observe. a little people watching as he sips the gold-ish brew. nibbling at almost soggy nachos and pulling loose the tight knot holding his hair. oak wood from day labor soaking through the inky thickness of it. listening to dean and seth complain about management. because if they weren't at work, they were off the clock rambling and ranting about work. a cyclic state of affairs that started and ended the same way.

first seth. that half snarly little grimace. hair rolled up in a top bun. voice raspy and raw.

"...because how the fuck are you never actually in office and thee greatest-most idiotic micro manager ever, he needs to pick a damn struggle...

and then dean. his finger running to scratch against his auburn beard. just as pissed. words slightly slurred.

"...and then had the absolute gaul to tell me how to do my job. that piece of shit prick never held an axe or a chainsaw in his damn life. goddamn third generation wood chippin dick..."

and roman laughs. his eyes wrinkling. sipping and chewing and falling into the recurrence of every friday night.

"...and his little assistant, who he's totally nailing by the way, i hear her screeching like a damn banshee whenever he's actually in office, had the nerve... the unmitigated nerve to send around a birthday card asking for small donations and to write him a message..."

and dean cackles. gasps from disbelief and leans into roman's shoulder. his forehead banging lightly into the wood of the table. empty beer bottles rattling from his show of contempt.

"...boys i swear, i promise the two of you, they both can get an expedited shipment of my fat cock to suck dry if they think i'm putting two of my very hard earned dollars into a target card for his birthday. his pops should've kept him swimmin in his balls..."

roman smiles. his eyes roaming about lucy's. towards the peace of the bar. his favorite little bartender hard at work. smiling and mixing away.

and here comes the turning over into the second bit of his friday night cyclic affair. a from afar trailing of the eyes, sneaky bouts of admiration sweetened by the beer fizzling his blood. and God do you look sweet. a friendly toothy little smile that piques his curiosity. plush lips, round eyes and fanning lashes that leave you looking delicate. he's unsure though, it could be the beer, the droning of the bar and the exhaustion in his shoulders. tight and soldering to his bones. it all could be feeding his mild delusions. making you look more angelic than you could be, a projection of dreams born from some long avoided longing. and when you finally commit yourself to seeking out the source of such an ardent sensation only the eyes of another can give, you meet him. a glass in your hand and curiosity about your face. so clearly in bartender mode. gauging patron based needs, before the inevitable look away. your lips bitten and a smile threatening to break.

but it never becomes anything more than this tit for tat of a moment. lingering eyes and unspoken things.  something threatening to edge the course of friendly and cautious. your smile seeming to only do him a favor. a courtesy. because he probably wasn't the first man to have such a silent high school adjacent crush on his local bartender and he for sure wouldn't be the last. and no one will ever hear him say it but roman isn't too keen on rejection. he rather live with your cautious little smiles. a short tuck away into his back pocket as he sips at his beer. he'll add it to store away for later, when he's alone with silence and the beginnings of bedtime fantasies.

no pressure tags: @kill-the-artiste @thesamoanqueen and anyone else who’d like to participate!