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lynaferns · 10 months ago

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BIOMáquina: Sense of Living

Chapter 1: Stranger danger.

Ver. [ENGLISH / ESPAÑOL]

EDIT: This fic is now on AO3

The first meeting! In a world where humanity has confined themselves in encapsulated cities to let the outside world heal, our protagonist, Fern, breaks into the forgotten abandoment facility of Fazbear CO. in search for old materials and scrap to sell. But something's very off with this place, like the constant rotting smell that's in the air... (No, it's not Afton, there's no Afton in this AU, this is very DCA centered).

I have to mention, I never had the intention of writing this. But after I finished reading I see you, Sundrop! by @shirajellyfish (Thank you again @/cipher-the-sidhe for recommending it to me! I'm too shy to tag I want to cry EDIT: it's tagged now) I got motivated to write the first chapter of my AU and doing it my way. The early version of my BIOMáquina Sun may have some inspirations from ISYS's Sundrop, but I plan for him to develop by the end of the story into something more close to canon. Sassy, not the mean sassy tho.

I appreciate feedback about the english adaptation. I think I did fine but still, I'm not a native speaker, some parts may be weirdly worded. I'll be posting the Spanish version too, so you can judge my writing in two lenguages.

AU, DCA centered (but Moon doesn't get mentioned in this chapter) ...and mostly Sun centered too, Sun fnaf, OC, Selfinsert, Character & OC, platonic, friendship, slowburn (probably), OC is a potty mouth, Sun has amnesia, nonbinary/pangender Main Character, labs and abandonment facility, retrofuturistic world, steam/dieselpunk themed.

The first post where I showed this AU and Sun and Moon's designs. There's info about the world and characters, not necessary to enjoy the story but maybe you want an idea about this AU.

BIOMáquina AU Tumblr archive, with all the posts and asks.

Youtube Playlist wich has like half of Portal's ost. I have a especific order for the songs but you can put it on mix if you want.

Note: even though I try to keep things light some things may be triggering for some readers so I'm putting here the warnings just in case. Please tell me if it needs any additional tag.

TW: implied death, near death experiences, implied abuse (non sexual), panic/anxiety, paranoia, robot gore, violence.

Wordcount: 12,874

06:23 Thursday, Weather: clear.

It's been a long time since anyone has been here. The place has been reclaimed by nature over time, not completely consumed but enough to assume that it has been around a decade without any humans moving around.

Until today.

A small hovercraft vehicle is approaching in the distance. Today, instead of their usual destination, Fern decided to take another route and explore a little. She heads to the building she has seen in the distance. The abandoned facilities of Fazbear CO. She shouldn't be snooping around an abandoned building, much less one that seems to have been totally forgotten by the world, but Fern already had experience in breaking into dangerous and abandoned places, so it was okay (no, it was not).

She looks at the place for a while before parking their vehicle. A thought of 'Why not?' incites them to enter, and that's what she does. After struggling with the entrance locks she manages to open the doors. It looks like an automatic door but with a manual system for when the power is out, it's a pretty old design. The door stays open.

06:39

Fern enters inside, it's all dark, the only light being the one that comes through the door. She always carries their backpack loaded with all the basics she needs for when he goes out for materials (trash) or exploration (for more trash). She takes out a flashlight and inspects the place. She notices that next to them is an old robot disconnected and degraded by the passage of time, possibly unable to turn back on. It seems that this bot was in charge of guarding the entrance.

Advancing through the abandoned facility, Fern finds more disconnected bots. She's not with the right equipment to dismantle them and take their valuable parts, if there is anything salvageable from these robots. She makes mental notes and keeps going. The place is worse on the inside than the outside, somehow the dirt and weeds have managed to get in and grow in the most random places.

She finds a guide map of the place, it appears to be larger on the inside than it looks from the outside, much larger than one would expect. There are four upper floors and six lower ones, the upper floors makes a circumference leaving an empty space in the center, they are factory and assembly areas for bots/animatronics, tools, electronic devices... all equipment from the Fazbear brand, they have always made their own material. On the ground floor (L0) where Fern is, it seems to be the unloading area, cargo transport vehicles, offices and power generator on the upper floors. The first two lower floors appear to be more offices, boiler room, power generator room for the lower floors, laboratories, and... another animatronic assembly area.

...The last four floors are blurred out but you can read the words 'AI testing'. Did the test rooms have to be that far down? And why 4 entire floors of the building?

There is an annotation:

Authorized personnel only. Any unauthorized personnel who passes from the restricted area will be subject to a dismissal sanction.

Oho... now Fern wanted to go in there. Why would they hide that part? What do they have to hide? Knowing the company Fazbear Entertainment, a lot. It would be cool to be one of the few people to know what's down there, even if it remains as secret as before because Fern doesn't want to be reported or arrested, leaving the city without permission is already a reason for that. But before going to the deeper floors, better take a quick look at the upper ones first, their nature makes them want to keep an order to explore the place in the most efficient way (that she can think of).

As the map said, everything up there is material and assembly, some rooms even have narrow windows that let in some light through their gaps at the top of the wall... where you can't look outside, but at least they had some natural light in their work areas, those who worked up here at least... Fern looks around, it's a mess, there are papers and metals scattered on the floor... It seems that some of them left in a hurry, due to the misplaced chairs and tables... Fern makes a mental note to stop by again and take a better look at the old tools before heading home.

Hm? The central area hasn't been seen. Fern assumed that the part surrounded by the building would be visible from a window or that there would be an entrance to a flat area, but there appears to be none. Why would they waste so much space? Or maybe they weren't wasting it. Maybe there was something else there but it was inaccessible from the surface floors.

Fern didn't waste another moment to get down to the lower levels. The power generators seemed out of order, she wasn't going to be able to use the elevators. She wasn't planning on it either, They may possibly collapse over the time they have been sitting there without maintenance. What she planned was to save flashlight power if the generator could light the way. Oh well. Maybe the other generator on the lower floors is still functional.

...

It's not. Well, she had to try it. Fern would have felt stupid if the generator would had worked and by simply not checking she would have wasted the flashlight battery foolishly. Exploring the floor a bit more before continuing down she finds a small kitchen room. Oh? Was there a kitchen on the map? Fern doesn't remember, she should have taken a photo of the map now that she stops to think about it. There should be at least one map on each floor, she'll take a photo of the next one she sees.

Going down the stairs she finds the assembly rooms and laboratory that seems more advanced than the upper levels. These looks a little less messy than the previous floors. It's still noticeable that people left in a hurry, leaving the chairs and tables in any position and dropping objects along the way, but it seems that at least they cared about storing hazardous materials in the closets, all messy but at least not exposed... some doors aren't even closed properly- look, I'd better shut up and continue.

07:12

She finally reaches the end of the floor. There are no more stairs, just an elevator that takes to the restricted area (floors: L3, L4, L5 and L6), which means she needs the generator running... or... she can force their way through the elevator doors with a crowbar... opening the emergency hatch... and slipping through the gap between the elevator and the wall, which is conveniently one of those old-fashioned designs with bar steps on the wall (Nowadays these spaces are not left unless the elevator is very large and/or has been built with plenty of space). She goes down the wall stairs to the next floor which is also closed, so she has to force the elevator's security doors again. This time it's more complicated, she has to force the door without having a supporting floor since all there is is the circular wall, the beams that support the elevator structure and the void of the pit. Fern hangs from a beam near the door, digs the crowbar between the two doors with their feet, presses against the crowbar using their legs, and pushes their way through. After opening the doors enough, the crowbar slips from between their feet and falls into the pit. Fern watches as it falls, pressing their lips, and waits for the *clinggg* sound it makes when it reaches the bottom, '...hhhhhah, I'll have to go down for it later' she thinks.

After forcing the door a little more with their hands, just enough to pass through, she is finally inside, on level L3. Oh! And the first thing she sees is a complete map, good! She can take a photo with their phone so she won't get lost. From what it seems, this map reveals that there is indeed a central area of the facilities in use. For some reason to access the center of the building you have to go down to the deepest floors and from another elevator go up to the central area... weird. The design of the facility seems made to keep something as far away from the outside as possible, with all these turns and different elevators that they make you take to get to a place that would be so easy to access if only they had put one or two doors in the ground floor or upper. There was definitely something there, Fern had no doubt, maybe she was theorizing too much and it was just a strange design choice, but what a strange design choice, there is something there for sure and Fern was going there.

According to the map, the four lowest floors contain... a good bunch of animatronic storage cells, wow. Wait, now that she stops to take a closer look, that's a lot of cells. There are three or four larger rooms compared to the rest, 'daycare', it says. ...Fern didn't like the implications of that, she didn't like seeing the cells, daycares and laboratories so close to each other. If this is what's in the first restricted floors to the unauthorized, what could be deeper? For God's sake, what did they do with the children?

Fazbear Entertainment's animatronics were made specifically to deal with children despite their questionable AI performance. The daycares could have been to test how the animatronics behave with real children, okay, but why three entire daycares on the same floor? And there are at least two more on the floor above. It would be better understood if there were only assembly and repair rooms next to the cells, but laboratories... right in front of the daycares? Shady, very shady. Don't like it, don't like it a bit.

The lower floors are more littered with broken robots than the ones above. Somehow the place is more in ruins than the surface floors, which are more exposed to the outside. But the doors seem to have higher security with card readers, some broken, not all but they seem to be able to open. Going down the stairs to the L4th floor she began to see a different bot design half-assembled, this could be an animatronic design they were working on. On this floor she only sees half-assembled endoskeleton pieces and blueprints for said robot along with promotional posters of a daycare mascot... with a... Sun...? theme. Orange, yellow and red shades.

Fern approaches one of the blueprints, 'DaCaAtt/ProtoType_Model_N15', the N15 has been underlined several times in red and there are notes all over the blueprints. It's... a clown animatronic- rather a jester, with an astral theme? The head seems to represent a sun with the right half of its face being a crescent moon, as in those representations of the sun and the moon together, the moon looking sideways and the sun facing the front... only that, here it's like they have merged two faces into one, leaving the nose crooked to the side. All the unfinished endoskeletons seem to belong to this model. It is a somewhat extra complicated design, it has a lot of joints, especially in the face, seems like they wanted to go further with this design.

It seemed a little much to Fern for a children's animatronic daycare attendant. She understood that they were trying to make him look like the friendly mascot on the poster, but Fern could come up with a couple of ideas to simplify the design of the face: a screen with facial animations, for example. And why so much complexity in the robots interior? The more she looked at the blueprints, the more it seemed to them that she was looking at a disproportionate recreation of the human skeleton in metal. She continued advancing through the facilities until she found the next stairs to floor L5.

...At the bottom of the flight of stairs is a disconnected animatronic- rather broken, it's the sun. It seemed to be crawling up the stairs... its legs and the back of its head were busted, as if they had tried to stop it from going any further by hitting it with something. Peeking through the hallways, Fern finds more sun animatronics lying on the way or against the wall, damaged, some are whole, others missing chunks or entire limbs. She touches one of the robot bodies with their foot, it doesn't move, as expected. There is a gray cord and a piece of plastic sticking out from under the animatronic's hand, Fern uses their foot again to pull the cord out from under the hand. It's a torn, stained and mauled ID card, the string is broken as if it had been torn from something, neither the photo nor the name of the former owner can be identified. It's Fern's now. She should keep their eyes open in case of seeing more cards in better condition, if she can get the generators working she could open their way to more places. If they were to be useful.

Moving down the hallway she stops to look at the poses in which the animatronics were turned off; some of them have their faces intact enough to see an expression of terror them. None of them seemed to be going in a specific direction, just... running away. They were afraid. How advanced was their AI to simulate fear? Weren't they prototypes? No developed AI is put into robot prototypes, although well, that is a recent norm in robotics, who knows how old this place is.

Now that she realizes, there is a fairly dominant smell in the air since she came down the elevator. Fern thought it came from the labs and assembly rooms, because of the old metals and chemicals, but it has gotten stronger as she goes. Like something rotten mixed with rust and motor oil.

Fern is starting to think that she would like a friend to explore this place with. The deeper she goes, the more uneasy the place gets, and the more noticeable is the lack of fresh air.

She checks out the map, from the path she has taken it seems that she is approaching one of the daycares. Where the entrance should be there is a handful of sun animatronics in a pile blocking the door that's full of scratches and bumps. It seems that they tried to force it open, you can see the desperation in the wear and tear on their hands.

Hopelessness.

It's the word that best fits seeing this situation.

Fern feels a chill run down their spine and their stomach turns. She continues forward. More animatronic bodies disconnected or destroyed, there were almost no animatronics in the storage cells, they had all tried to escape. Upon reaching the floor L6, the number of robot bodies lying around seems to decrease. It seems that they were all already stored in their chambers, or they managed to get them in and disconect them before panic set in... or revealed themselves. No, this didn't look like robot rebellion. Maybe they found out something, a rumor that got out of hand? Maybe they found out that they were going to disconnect them forever and they panicked... Fern wouldn't blame them.

Peeking through the glass of one of the cells she could see a group of sun animatronics, all in their respective cabins on the wall, connected by a head cable. Some are standing leaning against one of the walls of their cabin, have a safety belt holding them in place, others are sitting on a seat in the cabin, and others are directly sitting on the floor. They are disconnected, turned off, obviously. The floor is padded with colorful sections and there are old pillows and stuffed animals on the floor. The rest of the chambers are the same, some with empty spaces. The number of animatronics lying on the floor in panic positions is less, rather they are sitting against the wall or simply lying on the floor in a more peaceful way. They either gave up or were somehow convinced to shut down.

07:38

Finally Fern reaches the elevator that takes you to the center of the facility. This elevator is more hidden than the rest and appears to be more advanced, Fern didn't seem to know if it was going to be as easy to open as the rest... ah- wait- their crowbar. She has forgotten to go look for their crowbar, which is at the bottom of the second elevator's pit... and to go look for it she would have to go back upstairs and down the stairs of the pit because she can't open the doors from the lowest floor as she had planned because she doesn't have their crowbar.

Fern.

You're stupid, man.

“Aaaaaggh...” she groans, looking up to the ceiling. She sighs. Before leaving the room she looks around to see if there is anything that could be used to force the doors and their eyes fall on the elevator again, it has a light. Wait, it has light? It can't be, the generators don't work. Unless there is a third generator for this elevator... She approaches the button panel, indeed, the lights above glow slightly, but how is it functioning? The entire place should be shut down. She decides to press the button just to try it out and a few seconds later the doors open, the light from inside illuminating the room along with Fern's flashlight.

Even though it seems to work, Fern didn't like the idea of using it. The elevator that took her to the lower floors was as dangerous as the others but at least she didn't had to use it to get down (Although it could have perfectly fallen as soon as you stepped foot inside, you idiot), but this one she was going to have to use it to open the doors to the next floor unless she finds something to use as a crowbar. However, this elevator did seem to be in better condition than the other. Maybe if she only made it go up one floor she could access the rest of the place from there.

Fern walks into the elevator. The floors available from bottom to top are: L6, LC2, LC1, C0, C1, C2, C3 and C4, there are no Lows 5, 4 and 3, C it'll be for “Center” just as L is for “Low”. She hesitates before pressing the button for LC2, a few seconds and the doors close, the elevator makes some screeching noises as machinery that hasn't moved for a long time starts working again until it suddenly begins to ascend. It moves non-stop, the noise it makes is worrying but it doesn't stop. As fast as the doors open, Fern crosses them and turns to the elevator, waiting for it to collapse and fall back to the bottom. It doesn't, the doors just close after a few seconds. If while she's at another part of the building she hears a crash noise in the distance, Fern will assume that the elevator has fallen and therefore will have to look for something that can be used as a crowbar.

For some reason there's no map of this part of the facility. There has always been one right out of the elevator or down the stairs, but this place doesn't have one. Weird, maybe all the employees in this area had their own? Or they knew it by heart. No, the first thing makes more sense.

Moving through the hallways, laboratory rooms, assembly rooms, etc, the floors seem to be the same as those already visited, but more advanced? The walls and doors are of higher quality and security, and the laboratory equipment, tools and others seem to be of the good-good ones... and expensive, but good, and quality. The central floors seem to be the only ones with electricity, partially, not all the lights are on and some of the ones that are are blinking. 'I hope none explode-' she thought to themselves. Immediately afterwards, a security door begins to open and close uncontrollably, giving Fern a start “AH-!” After the scare she takes a breath while the door begins to move slower and finally stops halfway open. The doors here must have a sensor or something, it must have been activated by proximity, is the card still functional? She takes it out of their pocket and passes it near the door trying to find the sensor. The door reacts but doesn't close or open completely.

Fern grabs one of the disconnected 'Staff' bots down the hallway and drags it to the door, blocking it in case it moves again and gets locked inside. It's an archive office, there are papers and file cabinets scattered on the floor. A ceiling panel fell on some filing cabinets and knocked everything to the floor. Fern glances vaguely over them, some papers seem to be records of laboratory materials and ingredients. Emphasizes, seems, because Fern doesn't understand the technical and convoluted language in which they are written, whoever worked here the guy's writing was embarrassing, they keep repeating the same elements all over the page in horrible handwriting. She doesn't see anything of value in the office so she leaves to continue moving through the maze of poorly iluminated hallways and malfunctioning doors.

08:10

Fern has been wandering around the facilities for quite a while now. Most of the doors are bolted shut and can't be opened (if a certain someone had gone back a few floors to get their crowbar...), next time Fern comes she'll bring suitable spare tools to open them. Although, is it worth going that far to get some pieces of metal? With what's on the first floors should be enough to renew tools and equipment, and make a good profit in the market. She wasn't into science so she didn't know what valuable objects she could take from the labs. She could look into it later, when she's done looking into what's here first.

The closer she gets to the center, the more the hallways light up, to the point that Fern no longer needs her flashlight and turns it off, for now. There are liquids running down the walls and dripping from cracks in the ceiling. Curiously, there are fewer marks of humidity than one would imagine; the leaks did not form long ago. The doors here seem to be in better condition than the ones before, possibly they are more complicated to open if this area has electricity and they are working better than the one before. She might have to see if she finds any more abandoned cards lying around.

This area is more open... and the wall appears to curve. There is a... castle door?? Like the ones you would see in cartoons or children's tales, with a crown of sunrays as the door frame. It's not made of wood, but it is some kind of hard material that Fern can't identify. There is a card reader panel next to the frame. A light comes out from between the doors crack.

...

Is this the center?

Fern grabs one of the door handles and pulls it. She hears a sound like rails moving inside as she opens the doors. What's on the other side has to be the strangest, largest room she's seen since she entered the building. Most of the floor is padded and colorful except for the entrance and a few more square meters of flooring which is tiled in a checkerboard pattern. Where there floor is tiled, there are security tables with computers, machines of some kind and office supplies. Where the floor is padded there are children's playground structures, jungle gyms, with tubes, slides, ball pits... Above the ball pit there's a fairy-tale like tower on the wall with a balcony, red curtains cover the entrance. No idea how to get there, there must be access from somewhere else. On the floor there're boxes of toys and stuffed animals... broken, but organized by size and color, it seems, some colorful cylindrical boxes are placed in a tower. Only what's on the play area seems tidy, everything beyond the padded floor is noticeably dirty, messy, basically a mess. The ceiling lights seem to come out of beams and are shaped like clouds, not all of them are on, some flicker. At the center of it all is a tower of cables that rises until it's lost above the lights in the darkness of the ceiling.

Fern enters the room, still observing the place. Although the gigantic column of cables and tubes in the center catches their attention, their interest falls on the computers next to them. The screens are on but they don't show anything, just a solid cyan blue color and some horizontal lines crossing the screen every now and then. The computers may be broken but there could be a possibility to repair them or take out the parts and put them to use... or even sell them as antiques.

...

Fern feels watched. She looks up from the machines to the play structures. A screech of moving rails. She sees nothing. She leaves the computers aside and approaches the play area. Another rail sound. Fern turns to look at where the sound came from. Behind the cable tower. Fern takes out a jackknife from their pocket and proceeds to circle the tower. Another screech. Accompanied by another noise coming from the ball pit. Fern approaches. There is a row of cables coming out of the tower and entering the pit. Uuuum, ok...?? weird... She steps on the bridge that comes out of the pit, without entering she leans to looks over it.

It could have just been a rat but Fern tried calling “Is anyone there?” knife in hand “Hello-?”

“HeEEEL-” A tall, disproportionate, slim figure suddenly emerges from the ball pit accompanied by the tinkling of bells, sending several balls flying, creating a rain around it, some balls falling out of the pit. It's arms extended in the air in salutation and a huge smile on it's face with crooked teeth. Some 'sunrays' in the shape of elongated orange triangles stuck out around it's head. “-LO!” A sun animatronic.

“AAAH-!” Fern screamed, backing up. The robot froze in the pose and the noises of a processor running could be heard, smile not leaving it's face, white eyes fixed on Fern, it only made a couple of movements that stopped abruptly halfway through as if it had paused and resumed its animation. It must not have registered their reaction, because it continued talking as if Fern hadn't screamed in shock.

“-N-new friend-? Oh-o-OH- Are you new-?! FRIE-NEW FRI-” *SCRRRR SCRRA SCRRRGGGH KKKKRRR* It froze again while something in his internal system made a noise that sounded like 'something's wrong' and it continued again as if nothing had happened “Who are you-?! I can't find your profile-! -Do you have a profile??? Have you come to play!? Have you come for the manteinence routin-? Are you a new technic-!? Can we play NOW!? We can-! You're not on the employee register-! You need a register-!”

Its arms were stretching out towards Fern trying to reach her. Fern backed away, trying to keep as much space as possible between them and the robot. It kept getting closer, without stopping smiling, without stopping penetrating them with its gaze, without blinking.

“-profile- you need a-! You cannot perform any procedures- or manipulate- any- *srsrsrrsrsrsrsrsrrckrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrk* fromtheFAzbear'sbrand- *krkrkrkrkrkrnnnnnnnnnnrr* Do I make you a profile!? You need a-” Its fan started to sound very loudly “How were you able to enter- without a profile-!??? Do you work here? How did you get in-!? What are you doing here-!?” Fern hit her back against the cable tower and raised their knife to put distance between the damaged robot and them “DETECTED: DANGEROUS OBJECT, IS THAT A WEAPON!? *VRRRRRRRRR*” A panicked expression replaced its smile, its fan getting louder and louder “YOU CAN'T BRING THAT HERE! YOU CA- YOU CAN'T- YOU- *krkrkrkrkrkr* THE RUL- *krkrkrNNNNNNNNNGGGH* AG-AGAINST TH- *NNNNNNNNNGNNGNGGNGN-* DAN-GRROS-” It stopped forming coherent sentences and began to blurt out half-cut words amid the noise of the processor overheating.

Despite the clear problems it was experiencing, its movements didn't stop, getting closer and closer. A robotic hand reached out to grab Fern's arm, planning to take the weapon from her. Fern waved their knife away from its hand and finally broke into a run.

“AH-! eeeh-eh-e...! WAIT” The sun shouted as Fern fled towards the doors “Why are you running!? Where are you going-!? NO- WAIT- waitwaitwaitwait!” It ran after them. Fern left the play area and rushed through the doors. “WAIT-come back- I'm so...” She crossed the hallways like a bullet, ignoring the screams that became progressively quieter. She didn't realize she had left it behind until she could no longer hear it and the hallways were dark again.

Fern finally stopped to catch their breath, looking back to make sure she had left it behind. Vocalizing between pants “What... th...e fuck...? ...what...the fuck? God... what the... shit was... that...?” She sat down against a wall to rest. She hadn't realized that she had been gripping the knife tightly in their hand and now it was a little sore, if it weren't for the gloves she would have seen their knuckles white.

08:48

It's been a while. After calming down and drinking some water, Fern decides to go back to see what is happening with the sun and why it's the only active animatronic (seen so far) in the whole place. Thinking about it, it surely didn't want to scare them, possibly. It has been abandoned here for a long time, it's normal for it to be damaged. If its processor is salvageable and its AI gets a fix or two she could use it for help. But if that were the case, what should she do? She can't leave a robot with autonomy abandoned, much less in these ruins, part of Fern would feel bad but she can't take it with them. Where would she put it? Where would she take it?

That seems like a problem for future Fern.

It will be best to keep the knife, and possibly any type of weapon away. There was a lot of movement and noise at that moment but Fern believes she remembers a slight change in the robot's behavior when it discovered the knife. More erratic, more anxious, it couldn't even formulate complete words. Maybe if she went calmly and manages to calm the robot down, she could talk to it and find out what happened here. And why it is active.

She's arriving at the castle-like doors again. They're open, just like Fern left them. The robot could have gotten out and be hanging around the building, but something was telling Fern that wasn't the case. Slowly, without making a sound, she approaches the doors and peeps from the entrance, their eyes scan the room but don'tt find the sun. Fern decides to go in, thinks about calling it but backs away when she hears the screak and the rails again. If that sound came from it then it was still here.

...

Fern decides to go into the room. She wanted to prove a theory and for that she needed it to appear, and something was telling them that if she stayed at the door it wasn't going to appear. She puts one foot on the padded floor. Nothing's heard. She goes further into the playing area, the loose cables that entered the ball pit are no longer there, possibly they are connected to the robot so the logical thing would be to look for where they've gone. Starting from the central tower, the cables seem to go behind the play structure, Fern approaches to follow the line of cables.

*creeek*

A squeak. Fern turns around. Another screech. It came from the tower. Looking around she notices that the cables comes out of the play structure and disappear behind the tower. Fern approaches, circling the tower slowly, cautiously, following the cables. A metallic hand grabs their shoulder. “You are... here...”

“AACK-!” Fern screamed as she jerked the hand off their shoulder and ran towards the doors.

“No, wait, not again!” Fern leaves the room and turns to look inside holding the doors, ready to close them. But it seems it won't be necessary.

The robot has not moved past the padded floor. It looks at the tiled floor in front of them with concern, its posture is hunched as if it doesn't know what to do from that point or something bad will happen if it steps on a tile. Its arms curled against its chest, it clutches the red ribbons hanging from its wrists. Its eyes alternating between looking at Fern and the ground until it finally decides to speak.

“a...a-...y- You are here!” It says with joy, extending its arms and putting on a smile again, forced... no, genuine? “You are here again! ...a- I-I- was- you- *skrrrrrrrrr kr kr kr* You're back! And you are here and you are back and I thought you wouldn't come back and-!” it gesticulates very widely “-and-and- I'm sorry- sorry I scared you- TWICE!” emphasizes by pulling out two fingers of its hand “I'm sorry... it's just that- I haven't seen anyone in a long time! Or talked to someone! Or touched! And I was SO EXCITED! B-because you were there! And I touched you! And you were there! And I-! *skr...skr...skr...skr...* And I thought you weren't coming back! ...I thought you weren't going to come back.” Its shoulders droop and its body loses all movement, it stares at the ground, muttering. “And then I thought I scared away my new friend and they weren't coming back. But then I heard footsteps! And I felt something! And it was you! And I'm so happy! *sKNNNGNGnnn...*” It stands still again, with a somewhat creepy smile and its gaze fixed on Fern.

Fern remained silent. She doesn't really know how to react after having heard all that. The only thing that was going through their mind was that this robot showed autonomy and clear signs of stress, anxiety and loneliness. She can't leave it here but she also doesn't know if they could be dangerous or if it's just very hyperactive. They are clearly disturbed. Now that Fern noticed, one hand was more skeletal than the other, the entire casing of its left arm was missing and the ribbon was tied poorly with its bell. Parts of its endoskeleton were exposed, their casing was damaged in many places, and their jester's clothes were not much better either. The red and yellow striped pants were torn, the left leg open by a gap that ran from the bottom to top, an adhesive tape near the groin prevented the gap from spreading further, it appeared that the pants were held in place by a belt that didn't belong to the costume. The cables coming from the central tower and scattered across the floor seemed to end at the back of his head.

The sun began to look nervously between Fern and the floor again “H-ey- a- cou... c-could you come closer?” Its posture shrinks again, hands against its chest.

“...What?”

“Could you come closer? P-p-please?”

“...” Fern glances at the floor, at the robot's feet, and then at them “...You can't step on the tiled floor, can you?” The sun lost its smile and looked down at the ground, after a few seconds they nodded its head.

It looked back at Fern “I...can't. I-it's off limits. I can't." The forced smile returned “B-but you can come closer, could you come closer? Please…?”

“No.” Fern truly wasn't planning on doing so.

“Ack-! *knnnnnnnnn skrskrskrskr* W-w-w-why?!?”

“I'm just fine here, I think I'm going to stay at the door.” She said as she let go of the handles and sat on the floor crossing their legs “Besides, I don't want you grabbing me again.”

“I didn't grab you! I didn't!” They made a gesture with its hand, replicating the motion they made when they touched Fern earlier “I only touched your shoulder! I placed my hand on your shoulder!” Did it really only placed its hand on their shoulder? It happened not long ago, Fern remembers feeling more pressure than necessary. She could still feel the metal fingers digging into their right shoulder.

“Yeah... I don't remember it that way.” Fern put their hand on their shoulder “You've been trying to get your hands on me ever since you saw me.” The sun was about to open its mouth to say something but they backed out *kknnnnnnnnnnn* it seemed to be thinking in what to respond, it looked tense. Fern was also thinking about what she could do to calm them down so she could get closer, but it seemed that at the slightest chance she'll have it near it was going to pounce on them (And for your information, Fern, your attitude isn't helping either).

“You shouldn't sit on the floor.” the sun said.

“Eh?”

“*skr skr* I-it's not good *skrrr* that you're sitting on the floor. You're go-o-oing to hurt yourself, why don't you *skrrrrrrrr* sit here in the play area? The floor is softer, that would be better...” Fern frowned at them “O-o-or-” The sun looked around, pointed to the desks where Fern was looking at the computers earlier “-you could use one of the office chairs, where the security desks!” It smiled, its smile seemed more sincere this time “You don't have authorization to be there! But...” It glanced nervously at the chairs, then at Fern “It won't hurt to use it for a bit! Until the security guards come... But I won't tell anyone! Word!” It held up its hand as a promise gesture “Just, don't touch anything... they get really angry when people touch something, and then they yell at me...”

“No, I'm fine, thank you.” That chair was worse than the floor, and Fern didn't want to move away from the door. A *skrrrrrrrrrnnnnnn knnn knnn krkrkrkr* was heard from the robot, she didn't like that. The sun started looking between Fern and the chair again, finally ended up staring at the floor. The way it let its 'rays' fall was reminiscent of the ears of a saddened animal “...” “Hey.”

“Huh?” It raised its 'rays' again expectantly.

“Why don't you sit down? ...so we are both sitting.” Fern said trying to make the situation less awkward. It occurred to them that if they were both at the same height it would ease the atmosphere a little.

“...I don't need to- *Knnnnnnn skrskr* ...-Okay! Yeah, yes, okay...” It slowly knelt on the floor. It looked at Fern and then returned its gaze to the floor. “...” “I'm sorry...” It apologized again “I'm sorry, I know I scared you and that you don't trust me and I'm sorry, I'm very sorry.” It clenched the fabric of the pants where the scuff marks met with its fingers, its shoulders shrinked “...Please don't go.”

“Nah, I'm too lazy to get up now.” She said in another attempt to convince him she was staying to reassure him.

“Please don't go…” It repeated. They sounded like they were about to cry.

“... I'm not going anywhere.” She tried again, leaning back and supporting their weight on their hands. “...Word.” Fern imitated the hand gesture the robot made earlier, as a promise.

*Knnnnnnnnnnn* The sun stared at Fern's hand, then at them. “Are... you're staying?”

“Yes, I'm staying.” Fern looked to the side, thinking. She looked back at the robot “...For a while. Until I have to leave.”

“*knnnnnnn* When will you leave?”

“Eh... possibly within a few hours. So... yeah, we can talk.” (For my mother's love Fern, my child, you sweet summer child, more cheer.)

*skr- skr- skr- knnnnnnn* The sun seemed to be processing the information. Fern looked at them expecting them to start talking at any moment.

...There was silence for a minute. Fern decided to speak.

“So what's your name?”

“What's your name?” They said practically at the same time.

“Ah-”

“Oh- *skr skr skr*.”

Fern gestured for them to start first.

“I- a- *knnnnnn knnnnn knnnnn knnnnn* n-no, you can go first!” The robot said, with a constant *knnnnn* sound.

“Um, okay. My name's Fern, you?”

A *kr kr* interrupted the previous sound and only *knnnnnnn* could be heard again. It was silent for a bit. Then it decided to speak “Fern! Oh, that's a very nice name! It fits you, yes... *sk sk knnnnnn* Hey, hey, Fern...! What do you like to do-? What do you like to play? Your favorite color-?!”

“Hold on, hold on! Are you going to tell me your name or am I going to be left without knowing?”

“Um... *skr skr skr* one... *knnnnnnnn* one moment-” Again that *knnnnn*, another minute in silence “...” “Oh! Hey, hey! Do you like puppet shows? I'm very good at making them! Or I can teach you how to make puppets if you want-!”

“What I would like is knowing what to call you. Don't... you know it's rude to ask someone's name and then not introduce yourself?” She said trying to pressure them into saying its name.

“Oh! *skr skr* My name! *skr* Yes, my name!”

“...”

“*skr... skr... skr... skr... skr...*”

“E-”

“Do you like painting?! I can get some paints and papers and we can paint together-!

“Your name! How can I call you?”

“Oh-! ah... You can call me whatever you want!” They said as it adjusted its posture, sitting crossing its legs like Fern “You can use a nickname, or nicknames! If you like, I love nicknames! Do you like nicknames? Do you want a nickname? Do I give you a nickname-?! Okay!” They put its hand on its chin, thinking “Let's see...”

“You don't know your name, do you?”

“ng... *sknnnnnnnnnn*” Its head twitched and it froze in the posture looking to the side. Some fans began to make sound “nn... i...k...kno...i... I-I-I- I know! It's- It's here! Here! In my sys-! *skgghghrghrghrrrr* -TEeem... eh... ah...” It looked confused, its eyes move as if it was reading something in the air “I...” Its shoulders slump in disappointment, whatever it was searching for in its system they couldn't seem to find it “I can't...” murmurs.

“...Can you tell me your code? The name of your model I mean.”

*skgkg-* “...” “I cannot give that type of information to unauthorized personnel or not employed by Fazbear Entertainent.” It said in a monotone voice. “...” “It makes no sense as a name anyways,” it laughed “it's boring and hard to pronounce.”

“Don't you have a name they used to call you by here?”

“Um...” It's fans started up again.

“...” Fern remembers seeing something written on the posters she saw earlier, something about sun...drop? She looked around. Those same posters were here too, on the walls and desks along with others that seemed more outdated. 'Sunnydrop', said the posters, although it seems more like the name of the candy they promote. “Eh.”

“Hm?”

“What if I called you 'Sun'? For short, for the moment. Like a short version of the poster over there.” Fern said, pointing with their head and thumb. “And 'cause, well... it's literally the shape of your head... it's not very original but...” (I'm not pronouncing that whole name every time I want to refer to you.) “I don't know, how about it?”

It looks between Fern and the poster until it smiles and nods its head vividly “Okay, yeah! Call me Sun!” It looks happy with the idea. The fans and noise of its processor have reduced. Fern already has a name for the sun animatronic, Sun, ironically. “I like it! Oh, I like the nickname you gave me!” Its 'rays' make a spin around its head followed by some *clicks* and *tics*, was that to express happiness?

“Hey.”

“Yes, friend!? Uh-Oh! Is it okay if I call you friend?” It seemed nervous again. Fern was going to have to be extremely careful talking to Sun if at the slightest it'll get upset over something like calling them 'friend' instead of using their name.

“Yeah, sure, call me whatever you want. Hey, how long have you been here?” Possibly not the best question to start with but Fern had many questions about this place and especially about Sun.

“For-! Uh... *knnnnnnnn skr skr skr skr* since... *kr kr kr kr kr kr kr kr kr* uhhh...*skr skr skr srk*”

“Okay, stop stop.” After a few moments Sun stopped as instructed, along with the processor's noise, and looked at Fern with curiosity and a feeling of having done something wrong. “Let's see. How long... have you been On? Since the last time you started up again.”

“Oh! I can anwser that! *knnn krkr kr skr...* Four...thousand *skr skr kr-* two...hun...dred ninety...-EIGHT! Days. Since my last reboot... Ah- no- well... since my last hard reboot. I don't really need to shutdown but sometimes I need restarts... Be a few minutes (or hours) 'off '. Oh, but since then I've been fine! Working perf-*skgrah*-ectly! *skr*.” It swung its fist to the side with energy and a smile, ignoring the distress call from its system.

“...Yeah. And those noises that are constantly coming out of you? They don't sound very good, to say the least.” She's right.

“I've already fix-! *skgrr-* I've already fixed it! S-sometimes it happens and I don't realize it, but I always fix it!” “...” “I-I know you were a little scared before! And-and that- And that I acted weird! I...I know! I'm sorry... But that's it! I'm functioning perfectly!” It swung its fist again, this time with less enthusiasm “...Seriously...”

Fern looked at Sun thoughtfully “Back... in the ball pit. The noises were much worse and constant, and you froze with every movement or at mid-word. Does it happen to you often? I am no expert!” Fern held up their hands in excuse “But I wouldn't call that 'functioning perfectly'.”

“I-I- said I already fixed it! *skrgggrggrgr- kr kr*” There it was again.

“It's getting worrying, you know?” If it wasn't already before.

Sun waved its hand in denial “Nothin'nothin'nothin'-! *skrrr* It's nothing, it's nothing! *kr kr*” It repeated over and over between loud processor noises, the more it panicked, the longer the noises became “that that that! Dasit-! That's it! *skr krr-* There! *skrrrrr- kr- kr- kr-* Now, it's-! *sknnnnnnnnn skrGRRRrrAH* IT'S ENOUGH!” Its fans were starting up again along with the noise at an alarming rate. Sun started to make a sound that resembled hyperventilating. By panicking, it was asking too much of the internal system and it became destabilized (Hey Fern, the part about being careful with what you say, no, huh?).

“Okay! Okay, calm down. It's okay.” Fern sat forward raising their hands, still kneeling on the floor. Sun looked at them as it tangled its hands together. “It's okay...” She tried to think quickly what to say “You said that you had been... like four thousand or so days On.”

“*Skr skr* ...Four thousand two hundred and ninety-eight...*skgr*” It frowned at that last noise.

“Four thousand two hundred and ninety-eight days, okay. And in all that time, have you seen anyone else besides me? Have you received maintenance or any messages from them?”

Its expression shifted to a bewildered look at Fern. It started playing with the ribbons on its wrists “No... No, but-” It tried to show a smile again “-but it's okay, I've been taking care of myself a lot-lot-lot-! And I have been very careful! And I've paid attention to the alerts! And then they won't have much work ahead of them...! For... when they come back...” “...” “They're taking their time. They're...-they're taking a long time to come back.” It started rocking on the spot, back and forth “But it's fine! Because when they come back-*skrgrgrhs* when they come back- I'll-! *skrgr* I've been behaving well! I've been behaving very well.” It suddenly lowered its tone of voice. It looked at the floor while its hands still played with the ribbons, tangling them between its fingers. “I have been good. They won't have to worry and will be able to return to their work. I have been very good. I am functioning perfectly. There is no problem. I'm fine. I already fixed it *skrnnnnnnnnn*” Again the noise “I've fixed it, I've fixed it, I've fixed it!”

“Okay! Okay. Alright, I believe you.”

Sun looked up and tensed its shoulders... and its 'rays'. It looked surprised, like it had forgotten Fern was there. “*Skr skr skr skr skr skr skr skr* Oh-! Oh.” It looked at the ribbon tangled between its fingers for a moment, untangled it, and looked back at Fern as its hands continued to play “I- didn- ...I'm sorry.”

“I was- I was just wondering, how... come that-” 'How are you still functioning after all this time?' was what Fern wanted to ask among a thousand things. But seeing Sun's expression, that mix between stress, fear and somehow enthusiasm, just to be there, with someone. Fern decided to put their questions aside “You know what? Why don't you ask me something?”

“*skr skr* Oh! I've already asked you a lot of things earlier! You still haven't answered those~!” It said with a more cheerful tone.

“Sorry, I don't remember them, can you repeat them for me?” Better to start gaining its trust.

Sun's posture tensed as it leaned forward, it clenched its fists with enthusiasm and its 'rays' shrank and extended, making a wave effect around its head, it made an inspiration sound “*GAAAASP* What is your favorite thing to do-?!What do you like to play-? What places do you like going to-?What's your favorite color-?!Your favorite song-?Your favorite food-?Do you like puppet shows-?Would you like me to teach you how to make puppets-?!Do you like nicknames?Would you like me to give you one-?Do you like painting-?Can we do make-?”

“One at a time! I can't keep up with everything.” Fern cut them off before it continued its endless list of questions. Sun had that guilty look again with its 'rays' drooping. Before it could began to apologize Fern continued “What's the first thing you want to ask me?”

“Um- eh-ah- *knnnnnn* What's your favorite thing to do in the world?!”

“Humm...” Fern took a moment to think. She could give a random answer to move forward the conversation faster but she wanted to be honest. And she was having a hard time because she couldn't remember what she liked to do most. “I guess... uuuuuhh... drawing? Although- well I don't really draw much.”

“*kr kr* I like to draw too! And painting! And crafts! What's your favorite game?!” Sun jumped to the next question.

“Uf, uh...” Fern wasn't great at remembering their own interests. It's hard when you don't think about it often, or ever “I don't think I have a favorite game... Mmmm-I like it when the game uses cards... but I don't know.”

“*skr kr kr* Oh! I also like card games. What's your favorite color?!”

“Oran...ge...? No... Well, yes, but maybe pastel yellow... although I also like some shades of green and purples.”

“*skr skr kr*” Sun seemed to be taking note of everything Fern was saying before asking the next question. “You can choose more than one! I like sky blue!” How ironic “What's your favorite food?” If it wasn't for the enthusiasm it gave off when asking and waiting for the answer, Fern would have thought Sun was getting back at them for asking it difficult questions earlier. It could be, but hard to believe with the little bounces it gave in place while smiling with excitement.

“I mean... I don't know- I like salty foods, and some acid ones but... I wouldn't know what to tell you my favourite food is.”

“*skr* Oh, well... I like cupcakes!”

“...How can you have a favorite food?”

“Why wouldn't I have???”

“Can you eat? Are you made with the capacity for it?”

“*kr knn* Ohoho! No, I can't eat them, but I like how they look! I think they are pretty! There are many ways to decorate them...! *skr kr kr* Oh! I also like homemade cookies! You can give them any shape you want and decorate them and you can also make them colorful!” What Sun seemed to like was the process of making them, makes sense.

“Ha.” Fern showed a smile of understanding.

“... *skr krkrkr skr kr*” It took a moment to ask the next question. “Do you like music? Do you have a favorite song?” It seemed more relaxed talking.

“I like it but um... I couldn't tell you... I've never chosen one as 'the favorite' ...you know?”

“*SKRRR* Y-you don't have to choose! Y-you are not obliged *skr kr*” Sun must have noticed Fern upset, but it wasn't because of them. What bothered Fern was not being able to give a confident answer. “Everyone has a hard time choosing sometimes-! *kr* There are a lot- lot of songs and music! How to choose just one... ahaha...” It laughed.

It continued the relentless bombardment of questions. Sun asked the typical basic children's questions when they have just learned how to make friends and chatted about various game topics. Fern tried to slip some 'discreet' question about the Fazbear company and Sun, but it would get nervous when it was unable to respond and would hung up, so they would change the topic again and talk about personal interests.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

It's been a long bit.

“*knnnnnnnnn*... Do you… do you have a favorite place?” Sun asked, showing a bit of shyness.

“...” It took Fern a while to answer “I- guess... My house? I don't know..."

“... D-don't you have... a comfy place? A place where you feel more comfortable than others?”

“Heh, yeah, my bed…” Their answers became more and more vague.

“Oh-! *skr* hehe... Does that mean you're not an early riser?”

“Actually, I usually get up early, but who isn't comfortable in their bed, you know? Besides, I get up early out of obligation. It's not that I can just stay in bed and do nothing.”

“*krkr* Oh...haha, of course...” There were a few seconds of awkward silence until it asked “Uh... a-a-are you bored? A-a-are -y-y-ou getting bored?” Its fans began to be heard.

Fern cut them off before it could start rambling in panic again. “No no! It's not that... it's just that-” She wanted to explain themselves but couldn't find the words. “I don't know. I guess- I'm a little tired, and lost in thoughts. I wasn't expecting...this” She pointed their hand in Sun's general direction.

“...Ah?” Sun tilted its head to the side in confusion.

“I mean... it's just...” I came to steal old material and scraps “I came in here expecting to explore a little and leave and now I'm... sitting here. I didn't expect to be answering questions about me or my personal tastes in craft materials.” She looked at Sun “...Or to have a conversation with a robot” Sun frowned a little at that last bit. “Not to belittle! I didn't expect to find anyone when I came here.”

“No no-! It's not that- ah- Why weren't you expecting anyone??” Sun asked with genuine confusion “There are always a lot of people working here, especially during the day!”

“...” Oh, boy. That “uh... Sun” It's better for them to know it now as soon as possible ...right? “I think... no one comes here anymore.”

“...?” Sun looked at Fern with bewilderment but maintained a light smile.

“...”

“...a-”

“AHAHA-” Sun suddenly laughed. Its posture and smile had frozen, its gaze fixed somewhere behind Fern.

She knew it wasn't looking at them, she swayed sideways and made various arm gestures and poses to check it. The *knnnnnnnn* that began to sound confirmed to Fern that it was still working and had not suddenly broken, maybe it just gave an error and was processing a response. “...Sun?”

“HA-” *SKRGKRrrgkk...* It looked like it had a spasm for a moment. Its head tilted and a mechanical *click* was heard, shortly after its face made a full rotation followed by more *clicks*. Its smile widened again, maintaining its worried expression, it put its hands on its ankles and began to sway back and forth rhythmically. “Silly-silly-silly-silly-silly-! *sKRKRrrg* OOOOH so silly-! That's so silly-! AHA-ahA ha-! Don't say nonsense!” It said smilingly.

Fern could only look at Sun in bewilderment and pity.

*skr* It stopped its swaying and relaxed its tone “Don't be silly, friend. Of course people still come! They have to come and do their job! Their work is very important! They wouldn't all quit so suddenly!”

“...Has anyone been here in the last years?” Fern asked, worried for the answer.

*skrKR* “You have come!” It responded instantly happily “You are here! -Right now!"

“...Sun,” uff “Have more people come here besides me in the last years?”

“...” *skrkr skr kr kr kr...* Its smile was falling but it didn't disappear completely. “Surely.... they are working in another part of the building. -Y-yes *kr*, they must be very busy! Working! Elsewhere...!” A low *kr kr kr kr* began to be heard “That's why... it must be that... You aren't a new technician! Right!?”

“¿¡!?” That took Fern by surprise. “Um- nope.”

“A-a-a-and- you haven't seen anyone since you came in here! Right!?” *skrskrskr*

“...No-?”

“Of course!” *SKR* The half-joyful-half-nervous tone returned “-Of course you couldn't have seen anyone! You don't work here! You can't have the work schedule or know where they might be-! You can't know- aHAha-!” If Sun noticed the worried looks Fern was sending him, it must have ignored it.

“Y-yeah okay, but- alright... and... haven't you thought... that they haven't stopped by to visit you in a long time?” Fern gave a small worried smile. “-Haven't you seen them in a while time?”

“LIIIke I said before- they're busy- they don't need to come see me now! *krkrkr* It must be that I don't need to be examined at the moment! That must be it haha! You're not from here so naturally you don't know! You don't know what they're working on! Don't worry- don't worry-!”

Fern could only think that this was going to be more complicated than it already seemed at first. The robot continued with its paranoia that this place was still running. Something light up on its face, as if it had remembered something.

“B-besides- they said they would come back tomorrow! So it's fine! They'll be back!”

That got all of Fern's attention. “Wait- holditholditholditholdit-! They told you they would be back, tomorrow???”

Sun nodded its head vividly “Mhm! That's what they said!” It looked more cheerful.

“But- like, tomorrow-tomorrow?”

*Sknnnnnnnnnnnn* Ah, one of the various sounds of thinking “They said they would be back tomorrow!” It drops that and stays chill, with a smile on its face.

“So you're telling me... they talked to you today?”

“Oh, no! I haven't seen them today...”

“They sent you a message then.”

“No no, I haven't received any messages in a while.” *skr*

“...” For the love of my life “They... told you the date they would return, and that date is tomorrow?”

"No, silly!" it said with laughter “I'm telling you, they told me they would be back tomorrow!”

Fern was perplexed. She was finally managing to get even a sliver of information out and she had gotten themselves into a loop with the robot. But wait- “Sun, how long ago did they tell you they would be back tomorrow?”

Sun stayed silent, the only audible sound the long, drawn-out *knnnnnnnnnn* it seemed to do when it thought. It dug its fingers into the fabric of its pants near its ankles and didn't move again. A while passed and it was still motionless, thinking. It began to repeat a sequence of noises as if it had gotten stuck in its thoughts and suddenly the sound stopped. Its smile fell, its body lost all the tension that kept them upright, and it slumped to the side.

Fern startled. “¿Sun?” Didn't seem to respond “Oh, God...” Just as she thought of getting closer to check if it was okay, Sun sat up, making a lot of mechanical *clicks* and *tics* as its limbs settled back into their natural positions. It could be hear the fan running and soon the *skr skr* it had been doing the whole time they were talking.

It finally looked up at Fern. It seemed to function normally again, “...” “...” “...HEEEEL-” or almost “-LOOO... *SKGrkrgr* N-new friend-? Oh-o-OH- Are you new-?! ARE YOU FRIEND!? *kgr*” This sounds familiar... Sun got up from excitement, it couldn't stop bouncing on the spot. “Who are you-?! What's your name!? *skgr* I can't find your profile-! -Do you have a profile??? OH! Are you the new playmate!? Wait, are you here for the routine maintenance? *kr- kr-* Are you a new technician-!?” And we start again “Can we play? Can we play NOW!? Can we-! You're not on the employee registry-! You need a registry to-! *skgrkrkrkr* How could you get in without a profile!??? Do you work here-?” It stopped dead and stared at Fern. Its white pupils scanned them from top to bottom. “*skrgrkrg* *GASP* You don't work here! How did you get in-!? What are you doing here-!? INTRUDER! STRANGER! ¡AAA-!” His rays tensed, Sun began to run in circles screaming “SECURITY ALERT! SECURITY ALERT! WOO WOO WOO WOO!” And imitating alarm sounds. Its screams mixed with the noises of its processor and fans. Fern could only look in amazement and disconsolation at the panorama.

“Sun.” She tried calling them but it kept going 'woo woo' while running and doing pirouettes across the floor. “Sun! Hey!” No case. Eventually it went back to just spinning around in circles while shouting 'DANGER DANGER' over and over again. “Sun! Listen! SUN!” It stopped but not because of Fern. It had frozen in its animation again, its head and hands rotating in place, sparking from the friction. Now it was just repeating 'ERROR ERROR' non-stop with a monotone voice.

Fern panicked, she spun around on themselves looking around, searching for something. She located an old, dusty ball behind a chair and threw it hard at Sun, hitting them in the face. Somehow this made it stop completely. Fern watched silently waiting for something to happen but Sun remained motionless without making a sound. A few seconds later the fan sounded again along with the rest of the usual noises, it took them a while to start up. When it finally did, it returned its gaze to Fern, scanning them up and down.

“...” “*GASP* New frie-!”

“AH- NAH-no-no-no-no-nah-! We are not going through this again!” Fern cut them off before it could start with everything all over again.

“...f-...frie-nd-...” That left them in shock. It lowered its rays and its posture shrank. The *vrrrrrr* of the fans could be hear.

“Y-Yes- yes... friends! We're friends” Saying that seemed to help improve its mood. Sun went to open its mouth to speak but Fern was the one who did it first. “Before you say anything-! Um... No, I don't work here and I don't have a profile. Yes, I've snuck in, uh- don't activate the alarms yet, I don't have any bad intentions...” That last one was partially a lie. Don't get upset, okay? ...We don't want you to suddenly shut down and collapse again.” Sun tensed up upon hearing that but did as instructed and remained calm for the moment. “We've been talking for the last- THREE HOURS.” Fern looked at their watch, it had been over three hours and she was having a hard time assimilating it but she looked back at Sun who was expectant of Fern's words. She took a breath and continued. “Okay, look, we've been talking for a long time and you've already asked me everything about me. Y-you should have that information recorded somewhere in your memory! It happened just now.” She paused to see if Sun had caught everything she said and gave it a moment to search for said information. It could be hear the *skr skr* of thinking and the fans. After a while it stopped making noise, but the nervous fidgeting of its hands let Fern know it hadn't collapsed again. “Do you remember anything of what happened in the last few hours?” She asked.

Sun seemed to have come out of the trance it was in and started looking between its hands, the computer desks, and Fern. “*skr- skr-*...uuh...uh...” The fidgeting passed from its hands to the ribbons “...yyyyyess?? uh- *SKRG* I- *kr* I shouldn't give- *sKRGRRGKRgrrss*” Oh no... It froze again- “Yes! Yes, of course! Ha- How would I forget-?” It had that expression again between happy and on the verge of an attack “I haven't forget anything! I haven't forget anything-! Don't worry! It's all here-!” It raised its arm doing a swing with one finger pointing at its head. “It's here! I forgot nothing- nothing! It only took a lil' bit to load- haha...” Sun smiled awkwardly while Fern looked at them with concern and seriousness. “Yup, a-aALLLl in order! *-skrgr*” It confirmed one last time.

Fern let out a tired sigh. She looked worriedly at the watch on their wrist. 12:11 “Okay... okay look, I- have been here for a long time now, I should go-”

“What-!? No no! *-kgrkgrgr* Please no!” Aaaand Sun panicked again. “Don't go! HahA-! I- Um- Can-! *SKGR* I-I-can-can-can- a-any- thing! I can do anything-! Whatever you want-!” Its voice was cutting off with static and it let out gasps between pleas, its rays were trembling. Fern tried to say something but it was only a murmur between Sun's desperate screams. “Don't leave yet, please! It's still too soon! Don't leave me alone! I don't want to be alone-!”

“I'LL COME BACK!” Fern finally raised their voice.

“...eh?”

"Listen." Fern made sure she had Sun's attention “I cannot stay any longer, I just can't! I've already spent longer than I intended here and I have a lot to do. So...” She sighed and looked at Sun, they maintained eye contact. “...I'm leaving for today, and I'll be back tomorrow, okay?” She saw confusion on Sun's face, from the sound of *Knng* and the way it tilted its head it didn't seem to have understood. She repeated again gesturing with their hands as she spoke making their points clear. “Today: I'm leaving. Tomorrow: I'll be back... Understand?” She let a few seconds pass to see how it'll responded.

It had its hands together, one finger scratching the joint of a knuckle on its exposed hand. Its noises could be heard at a lower volume and the rays from its head shrank and extended in a wave movement. It finally reacted “ah...uh-... o-okay... okay... *skgr* a- Yes! Alright... okay...” It nodded with a shy smile. “*skr... skr...* um- I-... if- If my friend says- *kr* says they're coming back, then they're coming back! Ahaha...” It tried to return to a more cheerful voice. It sounded like it said it more to themselves than to anyone else. “Ri...ght... friend?”

"Sure." Fern nodded, tilting their head to the side.

“...” “...Do you promise...?”

“Yes.”

“...You promise you'll be back here tomorrow?”

“Yes, I'll be back here tomorrow.”

“R-really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Do you really promis-?”

"Yes!" Sun jumped back, its eyes and shoulders hunched and it looked in fear at Fern. “Sorry...” She sighed “I promise. I really, truly, really, truthfully promise that I will be back. Tomorrow morning I promise you I'll be right here.” Sun looked at Fern expectantly. “...” “Word.” Fern held up their hand in promise. Sun imitated the gesture “Okay?”

Its expression brightened, the rays came out again and its posture relaxed. “Okay, y-yeah, okay! W-we'll see each other tomorrow!” It confirmed.

Fern was relieved to hear Sun finally understand and breathed out a sigh of relief. “Okay, then... I'll get going, alright? Bye.” She waved goodbye as she headed towards the doors.

“¡Ah! Uh... Can you close the doors on your way out? The doors have to be closed if no one's here...”

“Yeah.” She grabbed the door handles and pushed them.

“U-um- S-see ya!” It said waving its hand in the air.

"See you tomorrow." Fern confirmed one last time, “Bye, Sun.”

Sun stood there, waving timidly into the air, watching as its new (apparently) friend disappeared after closing the fake castle doors. It stopped waving “...” “Who's Sun?”

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Fern was back on the first elevator, the one that wasn't working and, naturally, she hadn't forgotten their beloved and much missed crowbar. She made a long descent to the bottom of the pit using the stairs on the wall to get it back and climb back up. She sighed, “Next time, I'm bringing two crowbars.” She climbed back up to the roof of the elevator and entered through the emergency hatch to reach floor L2. After coming out of it, she stopped in front of the doors to look at the state of the crowbar more calmly 'Wow, it's pretty good for having fallen from 30 me-' *SKREEEEEENNNNNNGG* Fern flinched at the sound and turned to look at the elevator.

*SKREEENNNGG NNNGG NNNGGGGGGGgggggggggg.......*

*...*

*BOOMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.............*

“...”

Fern stared with their eyes wide open at the now empty elevator shaft. She looked at the crowbar in their hand. She decides to put it away and return home. We aren't going to think about how she narrowly escaped that, no. If she had taken few more seconds to come out and turns into mush, in an elevator pit, in an abandoned facility, in a building not even its mother knows, in the middle of nowhere. Nope! We aren't going to think about that, better to get out. Down the stairs, straight ahead to the right. Fresh air here she goes.

As soon as she left, Fern felt a pressure release from their head. Just a few meters away from the entrance she felt like she had to sit down and take off their backpack before getting where she had parked their hovercraft, she needed clean air. The fresh air helped them clear their head and thoughts. She hadn't realized until now how overwhelmed she was feeling being in there, apart from the recent scare with the elevator, which has also made them feel anguish.

She looks at the clock, it's past one o'clock in the afternoon. She should eat something if she's driving home after all that walking, climbing, and running. She gets up from the ground and drags the backpack along with their body to collapse in the car so she can eat there. It's a little harder to carry the backpack with the extra weight of the tools she has been collecting on the way back (hey, they were free). She takes off their gloves and digs through their backpack to take out the multipurpose knife, the lunch box containing the chicken with rice she had prepared in the early morning and an apple, some of the rice has stuck to the lid of the lunchbox and she scratches it off with the fork. She spends a few minutes digging into the food until she finally decides to bring a portion to their mouth.

Although she decided not to worry for the moment, Fern can't help but think of the robot trapped and abandoned at the bottom of the building... who's alone again. Should she really come back tomorrow? Yes, she promised, but, what difference would it make if she just pretended nothing happened? What consequences could there be-? In fact- Fern would be suffering consequences for taking responsibility for a defective and damaged robot. Bots themselves are already a pain in the ass to maintain and the lack of bot rights management doesn't help, there is nothing that protects them; there's no way to get good insurance for them, especially for models from 5 years ago. If your bot is older than that you better have a complete manual stuck in your head on how to solve any absolute damage or problem it may suffer, because if not, you're both very screwed.

Speaking of which, how is Fern supposed to repair a robot as broken as Sun is? Especially one made by Fazbear Entertainment, the bastards make their own unique tools and parts of exclusive use for their company. You can't find them anywhere. It would be impossible to repair one of their animatronics unless she made each piece by hand and- um- no. Thank you. Is Sun even in saveable condition? Would it even be worth it? Even in the hypothetical case that she managed to save it, what would she do next? She doesn't have space at home for a robot that's taller than 2 meters. There is the machine refuge, yes, but...

...

Could she even help them? Without compatible or interchangeable parts I highly doubt it. It would end up turning into useless scrap metal. Not much differece from what awaits for it inside. There really wouldn't be any difference between leaving it here or taking it to the city.

Nobody knows it's there.

...

Fern knows.

...

But no one else knows of its existence. Who would care?

...

It's down there suffering and nobody knows.

...

Fern knows.

...

Without realizing it she had stopped eating and was just playing with the fork. Let's see, on one hand we have: a damaged, defective and hyperactive robot in an abandoned facility in very poor condition an... give it an hour and a half by hovercraft away from the city, without much chance of repair or survival in or out of this place, not to mention the lack of knowledge about its model. On the other hand we have: guilt.

On the one hand: Fern wouldn't feel right just leaving it here, Sun has autonomy and in the time they have known each other it has demonstrated enough intelligence to have its own opinions and make decisions for itself, it clearly has a developed AI so it is capable of feeling emotions; in other words, its suffering is real and it is morally wrong to leave it like this. On the other hand: she wouldn't know where to put it, as said before, there is no space at home and Fern has neither the resources nor the time to take care of it, they wouldn't accept it in a job or company because it already belongs to one, on top of it with a bad reputation. The refuge is an option but it wouldn't help much, it could end up becoming a burden and may not end up getting along with the other bots that are already there.

What will win in the end? Rationality or morality? The crushing and tormenting feeling of guilt! Of course! That's why Fern is sitting curled up in a ball, perforating with their gaze at the half-eaten rice and chicken, unable to make up their mind. She could at least try. Try... something. Even if it's just, paying them a visit? She already promised them that she would come back tomorrow. At the very least she should go see them tomorrow, she doesn't have to go every time, she doesn't have to repair it either. Maybe keeping company is enough? From the looks of it, it doesn't seem like it has much of its lifespan left... Oh God, she's really considering doing this.

For now, Fern will worry about finishing their meal and driving back to the town. She'll think better about it when she gets home.

#Edit: fixed a word count mistake #again. I'd really appreciate the feedback please #I'd like to get better at translating and adaptation. this was rough #my writing #BIOMáquina Sense Of Living AU #biomáquina au #fnaf daycare attendant #dca au #fnaf sun #fnaf dca #selfinsert #character & selfinsert #character & oc #platonic #no ships #fanfic #long post

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outofthemouthsof · 8 months ago

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15-Day BL Challenge in 1 Night!

I'm more of a lurker than a poster but Tumblr's my fave place to wallow in BLness. My 2nd favorite place is the spreadsheet where I track the shows I've watched (172 completed in just over a year), so @negrowhat 's challenge was irresistible. I'm gonna cram my answers in one post. Here goes!

Fave OG Actor Pairing: Some of the ones I think of as OG are only like 4 years old, so this was tough. And the 18 shows that have gotten my top score aren't very old. But I went through those 18 and picked the oldest, and it was the 2018 Korean microfilm Some More. Because it's so short it's super rewatchable, but even if I wasn't able to watch the whole thing a half dozen times (which I have), I'd still have gone back & watched the sweet moments and sex scene about 25 times (which I have). So I guess my fave OG actor pairing is Park Chan Ung and Kim Joon Bum! How they got me so deeply invested in their love in mere minutes is beyond me, but they did!

Fave Rookie Actor Pairing: Does Japan do the CP thing that Thailand does? I don't think so, but one couple I wish had about a dozen more BL series together lined up are Kouhei Higuchi and Atsuki Mashiko of My Personal Weatherman! Their chemistry was visceral and they're too pretty to be believed.

Side Dish That Should've Been the Main Course: While I enjoyed the main pairing a lot, they were nothing compared to the crazy rollercoaster side plot (how'd it go from so funny to SO dark to so sexy to so sweet and wholesome like that??) of Vegas/Pete from KinnPorsche!

Fave Ship Dynamic: Obvs from answers 2 & 3 I am not against D/s ships at ALL. Also a sucker for tough-but-submissive-bodyguard with mafia-brat-prince. Honestly I like tons of different dynamics from innocent to toxic, but one that gives me major butterflies is a guy who thinks he's straight but when confronted with the idea of liking another guy, doesn't have a macho freakout or run away, just kind of straightforwardly & sincerely searches his feelings until he figures it out. And then takes care of his baby. Why's that so HOT and sweet? Some of my fave examples: Pete/Ae in Love By Chance, Le Jian/Amber from DNA Says Love You, and Ida/Aoki from My Love Mix-Up!

Biggest Flop: This is expectations vs. execution, right? There's loads of shows I've abandoned, some I've stuck with for no good reason, etc., that are way worse than what I consider my personal biggest let-down. I was so enamored of Perth from LBC that I assumed he could do no wrong, and the bully-to-lover, rich/poor pairings often do it for me. So I guess I just assumed Dangerous Romance would be amazing, and it was REALLY good for a couple episodes. It wasn't the worst thing I ever saw, but so much of it just ... felt ... flat. Very surprising.

Fave Line From Your Fave Series: Well I know my fave series--Cherry Magic Thailand was the most perfect, entrancing, heartwarming series EVER, OMG, it was staggeringly good and stuck the landing in a way few shows have managed. I can't really think of one standout line--the script was so on point & there were HUNDREDS of sweet tingly moments. There were some epic ones in ep11 tho: When Achi says "The voice inside your head is so loud" and Karan (the boldest he's ever been) replies "Don't worry; soon you won't be able to read my mind anymore." (But then clearly uses that power one more time to gain the sweetest nonverbal consent EVER.) Then, Karan: "Do you regret losing your power?" Achi: "I'd regret not loving you." (OMG how I squealed.)

Fave Villain: This was so tough. An over-the-top villain I loved to hate (and an actor I loved from his sweetie-pie green-flag role in SCOY) was obvs Heng Asavarid as Chalothon in The Sign. But an actor who was so excellent at being loathsome and malicious toward the main couple, with just enough of a redemption arc that I didn't totally despise the character by the end (but did hate most of the way through): Park Hae In as Eun Ji (Jae Won's ex) in The Eighth Sense. It was a typical "faen fatale" role but so well done. So a tie between 2 totally different takes on the destructive ex.

The Trope You Hate Except When It's "This Series": OK, "hate" is a strong word for how I feel about the drop-of-rain-makes-you-ill so love-interest-takes-care-of-you trope. It's OK. But holy SHIT is it overused. Holy shit. I sigh resignedly when I realize we're going there. EXCEPT. When P'Phayu goes to visit Rain in Love in the Air when he's sick, and his version of caregiving? Forcibly applying medicine in the form of a rectal suppository. It is so funny, weirdly sexy, very in line with their dynamic (doesn't get in the way of their romance moments later at all), & it shoves a big middle finger up the overoveroverused sick-bed trope.

Most Visually Pleasing Love Scene: Okay, THE scene in The Sign is the clear winner in my & many people's books. But there are so many runners-up: the post-race one in Love in the Air. Just about every one in Pit Babe (both couples) & My Personal Weatherman. (A lot of other faves don't quite qualify as visually or emotionally pleasing--lustfully pleasing should be a 3rd category in this challenge!)

Most Emotionally Pleasing Love Scene: Again, I have a clear winner: Cherry Magic Thailand. So full of emotion, so well deserved, so everything. Sigh. But lots of runners-up: same scene in The Sign, both kissing scenes in DNA Says Love You (tame but soo emotionally satisfying), Ray & Sand's camper reunion in Only Friends, the post-prison love scenes for both couples in Kiseki: Dear to Me, the 1st time in I Feel You Linger in the Air ...

Breakup That Should've Stayed Broken Up: Maybe it's because I try to be choosy in what I watch all the way thru or maybe I'm a big softy who tends to root for every couple no matter how lame. In all my completed shows, I could only think of 2 breakups where I wasn't at all invested in them getting back together (and maybe against it): Tian/Poon, What Zabb Man and Top/Mew, Only Friends.

Wedding You Wish You Had an Invite To: If we're talking weddings that actually appeared in the show, Achi and Karan's in Cherry Magic Thailand, obvs! If it's hypothetical weddings, I'd be desperate to go to one of ANY of the characters in Playboyy! I'd wear a bulletproof vest & bring my own flask of booze, but it would be the trashy chaos-filled social event of a lifetime.

Give 5 Good Boys a Gold Star: Just 5? OK, some I haven't mentioned yet. 1. Shin Woo, Light on Me, 2. Palm, Never Let Me Go, 3. Mohk, Last Twilight, 4. Thun, He's Coming to Me, 5. Neua, Secret Crush on You. Best boys!

The Top 5 Most Sad Boys: I'll limit it to ones where the suffering was kinda pretty, not just painful. 1. Way, Pit Babe, 2. Akk, The Eclipse, 3. Kaipa/Gaipa, Moonlight Chicken, 4. Hae Bom, Cherry Blossoms After Winter, 5. Kiyoi, My Beautiful Man

Bestest Besties: Just one? Gah! Fine, Pearl & Gavreel in Gameboys. She got those boys together in quarantine!

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aquabuggy · 1 year ago

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Not sure if I’ve ever clarified, forgive me if I already have as my memory isn’t the greatest- the reason why I don’t really add a Read More to my longer posts anymore isn’t really out of spite lol, it’s that they next to always break my post. As in like, glitch it to hell. Whole paragraphs will often be shuffled, doubled, or outright deleted entirely, and going back to fix my posts after this happens doesn’t help, it can make it worse in fact! I have this issue on both mobile and pc, so it’s not really a fault of one or the other.

Honestly, this whole blog is somewhat glitched, and I have NO idea why, it’s mostly a behind the scenes thing but it’s the only blog of mine that it happens on (because of course my most popular blog is somewhat broken, of course).

Sometimes submissions from specific users will be devoid of images when I know they included them, and these images won’t load for days on end or just straight up never appear at all. For submissions from another specific user, I can’t post their submissions AT ALL. It just won’t allow me. I have to copy paste their words and images and then credit them in the post for it. Sometimes I’ll go back to a post I made and want to add some more tags or change the text colors and it just….will not let me. Oh yeah! And lately in the post editor, if I highlight a word or several and try to color it, sometimes it will only color some of the words or even HALF of a word, and I can’t fix it unless I save as draft and then reopen it. At least I can do something about it there, but it’s still REALLY annoying.

I’ve talked to friends who’ve used Tumblr for years and know about all its quirks and all my glitches are weird even to them. Looks like I have a cool rare cursed blog. Yay! So….cool

Doing the best with what I got here guys 😬

#basically if you want the /option/ to be exposed to long posts just turn on the post shortener in settings #everybody complained about that tool but it’s useful!#also #if you see a format flaw in any of my posts no you don’t 💙#bug’s rambles #colored text

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bonnie-is-bumbling · 11 months ago

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Oh. Look. It's once again been a hot minute since I've written anything!... Okay, that's a lie.

I write, then I let it sit... Usually decide it's too bleedin' cringey, and I delete the Tumblr post. But not today!

Today, I'm just going off about my special interests. Today, the brain is on ships, and the sheer sizes of them. As some ass-coverage: All images are snagged from Google. They are not accuracy checked. They belong to their respective owners, not me. Do not take my words as fact, my research has been shallow, casual, and for fun.

My housemate and I got a bit curious, as we're both big Titanic enthusiasts and plane enthusiasts- How big IS the Boeing 777x compared to the Titanic?

It was just one of those questions that popped up out of nowhere. Being an impoverished person my whole life, I've pretty much only traveled a few states outside of my landlocked rocky mountain home. The closest I've been to the ocean is Galveston, Texas. Save for a maybe 2 hour beach visit when I visited a former partner in Florida. That said, I've never seen a full size ship.

Boats? Ferries? Sure! My grandfather used to go fishing on Lake Conroe in Texas on the prettiest bass boat I know. (I may be a bit biased, hah.) But while I've never seen a full size ship in person, I've flown about... four times? So I've seen a plane up close. I think the first one I flew on was an A320, but for the love o' gigantic buffets, don't quote me on that. (Oh. Did I mention I'm waiting on dinner while writing this? A buffet sounds delightful. It has ZERO to do with this post. But maybe it'll remind someone who hasn't eaten to eat?... GO EAT.)

.... So, planes are pretty big. That much, I can tell you. But I was plenty surprised to see they're not even half of the Olympic class. Insert my first snagged photo from a shallow Google search!

On my housemate and I's curiosity search, we settled on this one. There's dome size differences between a 777x and an A380, but it was one of those instances of "Close enough."

Now, to preface this question, yes, I understand buoyancy, aero/hydrodynamic shapes. I'm no engineer, and I'm REALLY not about to go into the deep science and numbers here. Not today. I have looked up how ships float, how planes fly... All while being super heavy, bulky. And loaded with people/cargo. But despite knowing this stuff, it still feckin' BAFFLES me how a big tub of steel floats. Or something weighing multiple fucktons can fly like it weighs nothing.

Even with a general understanding of the design and engineering, the science, even... It still just makes me stop and think about that. Humans are impressive.

Oh. And if you think the Olympic class looks huge compared to an A380, the Olympic trio are only about 1/3 the size of the Costa Concordia (Brief rundown: Cruise ship that hit rocks and sunk partially in 2012. I know there's some drama surrounding this creator right now, but if you're of the easily distracted mind and need some humor to keep things interesting like myself, Internet Historian on YouTube has a decent documentary on her that was quite entertaining. )

No, seriously, I just snagged this off Google, it's not mine. Don't come at me. I just find it fascinating. We build these huge, heavy things and yet they float or fly like it's nothing. Just... What are the chances? That's so cool!

Have a lil 747 happily wagging it's tail as my thanks for bearing with my bumbling ♡

#my thougts #ramblings #boeing 777x #titanic #olympic class #ships #icon of the seas #costa concordia #tw cursing #autism #bumbling #special interest #credit to the person who made this

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mercurymusing · 1 year ago

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Extra note after seeing staff's response to what's apparently the new panic.

My takeaway from the original post wasn't that they'd be getting rid of the chronological followed only dash. Wasn't actually worried about that. I'm fairly confident they'll keep it around, even if it gets deprioritized.

I'm frustrated by the increasing invasiveness of the algorithmic features and the way they're being forced on longtime active users that have already strongly indicated their preferences. I'm personally inclined to think that onboarding new users into a default still barely functional algorithm driven environment will be bad for retention, engagement, and site culture, but I'll admit that some people are into that junk!

What's really setting me off here are the bits about post and conversation formatting and "navigation". We've already seen the beginning of that, with the change to direct links to posts. It's already breaking critical functionality! Functionality that directly impacts access to "high-quality content", "user participation in conversations", and "users returning to Tumblr"!

The ability to jump to a reply on a post in the full context of the blog it was posted to is an incredibly powerful feature in so many ways. It lets you see any tags that were added (half the conversation, navigation tool for related content that Tumblr should be developing), see the chronologically adjacent posts that give context to the content and conversations, and makes it easier to explore existing archival content!

Do they or do they not want to leverage the decade plus of content they've got? Do they want to encourage interactions with smaller creators that have built up portfolios, or do they want a site filled with flash-in-the-pan disposable viral content from established popular blogs? The whole reason they're pushing this product strategy is to increase revenue, because it costs so much to run the place. It costs so much in part because of how many damn posts we've all made in the last decade.

If they're already paying to host all of that junk, why not make it easier to explore? If you can't access a blogs archive without being logged in, and you can only see that archive one post at a time, then it's basically invisible. It might as well not exist. We could all (users, creators, brands) just go use snapchat for fuck's sake.

(I'll acknowledge the theoretical bandwidth issues of loading entire years old chunks of a blog every time a user just wants to see a single post, but come on. Make the single post view the one you get from the blog link and the in context one the version from the whitespace, if you must. And if that's your reasoning, just admit it! Don't try to pretend it's a UI issue for new users! That's insulting for everyone involved!)

(I get it, the prev tags stuff could get stupid. But it was a little quirk of site culture that did more to encourage conversations and networks of mutuals than half the shit staff has tried to do deliberately. Rolling a UI change out that seems to have killed it entirely by accident is just so half-assed.)

And look. There are so many neat ways they could explore reblog chain tree visualization that would improve navigation. Full collapsed subthread forum/reddit style views that retain tags. Or imagine the dot reblog graphs with more info and seamless zooming to different levels of detail.

Instead they seem to be pushing towards a version of tumblr that prioritizes bare original posts, with replies and reblogs tucked away in the notes. And that bit about "[e]xpand[ing] ways to co-create content, such as by adding the capability to embed Tumblr links in posts." Reblogs and replies are too hard, so we're just going to do fucking quote tweets? Seriously?

Tumblr’s Core Product Strategy

Here at Tumblr, we’ve been working hard on reorganizing how we work in a bid to gain more users. A larger user base means a more sustainable company, and means we get to stick around and do this thing with you all a bit longer. What follows is the strategy we're using to accomplish the goal of user growth. The @labs group has published a bit already, but this is bigger. We’re publishing it publicly for the first time, in an effort to work more transparently with all of you in the Tumblr community. This strategy provides guidance amid limited resources, allowing our teams to focus on specific key areas to ensure Tumblr’s future.

The Diagnosis

In order for Tumblr to grow, we need to fix the core experience that makes Tumblr a useful place for users. The underlying problem is that Tumblr is not easy to use. Historically, we have expected users to curate their feeds and lean into curating their experience. But this expectation introduces friction to the user experience and only serves a small portion of our audience.

Tumblr’s competitive advantage lies in its unique content and vibrant communities. As the forerunner of internet culture, Tumblr encompasses a wide range of interests, such as entertainment, art, gaming, fandom, fashion, and music. People come to Tumblr to immerse themselves in this culture, making it essential for us to ensure a seamless connection between people and content.

To guarantee Tumblr’s continued success, we’ve got to prioritize fostering that seamless connection between people and content. This involves attracting and retaining new users and creators, nurturing their growth, and encouraging frequent engagement with the platform.

Our Guiding Principles

To enhance Tumblr’s usability, we must address these core guiding principles.

Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.

Provide high-quality content with every app launch.

Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.

Retain and grow our creator base.

Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.

Improve the platform’s performance, stability, and quality.

Below is a deep dive into each of these principles.

Principle 1: Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.

Tumblr has a “top of the funnel” issue in converting non-users into engaged logged-in users. We also have not invested in industry standard SEO practices to ensure a robust top of the funnel. The referral traffic that we do get from external sources is dispersed across different pages with inconsistent user experiences, which results in a missed opportunity to convert these users into regular Tumblr users. For example, users from search engines often land on pages within the blog network and blog view—where there isn’t much of a reason to sign up.

We need to experiment with logged-out tumblr.com to ensure we are capturing the highest potential conversion rate for visitors into sign-ups and log-ins. We might want to explore showing the potential future user the full breadth of content that Tumblr has to offer on our logged-out pages. We want people to be able to easily understand the potential behind Tumblr without having to navigate multiple tabs and pages to figure it out. Our current logged-out explore page does very little to help users understand “what is Tumblr.” which is a missed opportunity to get people excited about joining the site.

Actions & Next Steps

Improving Tumblr’s search engine optimization (SEO) practices to be in line with industry standards.

Experiment with logged out tumblr.com to achieve the highest conversion rate for sign-ups and log-ins, explore ways for visitors to “get” Tumblr and entice them to sign up.

Principle 2: Provide high-quality content with every app launch.

We need to ensure the highest quality user experience by presenting fresh and relevant content tailored to the user’s diverse interests during each session. If the user has a bad content experience, the fault lies with the product.

The default position should always be that the user does not know how to navigate the application. Additionally, we need to ensure that when people search for content related to their interests, it is easily accessible without any confusing limitations or unexpected roadblocks in their journey.

Being a 15-year-old brand is tough because the brand carries the baggage of a person’s preconceived impressions of Tumblr. On average, a user only sees 25 posts per session, so the first 25 posts have to convey the value of Tumblr: it is a vibrant community with lots of untapped potential. We never want to leave the user believing that Tumblr is a place that is stale and not relevant.

Actions & Next Steps

Deliver great content each time the app is opened.

Make it easier for users to understand where the vibrant communities on Tumblr are.

Improve our algorithmic ranking capabilities across all feeds.

Principle 3: Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.

Part of Tumblr’s charm lies in its capacity to showcase the evolution of conversations and the clever remarks found within reblog chains and replies. Engaging in these discussions should be enjoyable and effortless.

Unfortunately, the current way that conversations work on Tumblr across replies and reblogs is confusing for new users. The limitations around engaging with individual reblogs, replies only applying to the original post, and the inability to easily follow threaded conversations make it difficult for users to join the conversation.

Actions & Next Steps

Address the confusion within replies and reblogs.

Improve the conversational posting features around replies and reblogs.

Allow engagements on individual replies and reblogs.

Make it easier for users to follow the various conversation paths within a reblog thread.

Remove clutter in the conversation by collapsing reblog threads.

Explore the feasibility of removing duplicate reblogs within a user’s Following feed.

Principle 4: Retain and grow our creator base.

Creators are essential to the Tumblr community. However, we haven’t always had a consistent and coordinated effort around retaining, nurturing, and growing our creator base.

Being a new creator on Tumblr can be intimidating, with a high likelihood of leaving or disappointment upon sharing creations without receiving engagement or feedback. We need to ensure that we have the expected creator tools and foster the rewarding feedback loops that keep creators around and enable them to thrive.

The lack of feedback stems from the outdated decision to only show content from followed blogs on the main dashboard feed (“Following”), perpetuating a cycle where popular blogs continue to gain more visibility at the expense of helping new creators. To address this, we need to prioritize supporting and nurturing the growth of new creators on the platform.

It is also imperative that creators, like everyone on Tumblr, feel safe and in control of their experience. Whether it be an ask from the community or engagement on a post, being successful on Tumblr should never feel like a punishing experience.

Actions & Next Steps

Get creators’ new content in front of people who are interested in it.

Improve the feedback loop for creators, incentivizing them to continue posting.

Build mechanisms to protect creators from being spammed by notifications when they go viral.

Expand ways to co-create content, such as by adding the capability to embed Tumblr links in posts.

Principle 5: Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.

Push notifications and emails are essential tools to increase user engagement, improve user retention, and facilitate content discovery. Our strategy of reaching out to you, the user, should be well-coordinated across product, commercial, and marketing teams.

Our messaging strategy needs to be personalized and adapt to a user’s shifting interests. Our messages should keep users in the know on the latest activity in their community, as well as keeping Tumblr top of mind as the place to go for witty takes and remixes of the latest shows and real-life events.

Most importantly, our messages should be thoughtful and should never come across as spammy.

Actions & Next Steps

Conduct an audit of our messaging strategy.

Address the issue of notifications getting too noisy; throttle, collapse or mute notifications where necessary.

Identify opportunities for personalization within our email messages.

Test what the right daily push notification limit is.

Send emails when a user has push notifications switched off.

Principle 6: Performance, stability and quality.

The stability and performance of our mobile apps have declined. There is a large backlog of production issues, with more bugs created than resolved over the last 300 days. If this continues, roughly one new unresolved production issue will be created every two days. Apps and backend systems that work well and don't crash are the foundation of a great Tumblr experience. Improving performance, stability, and quality will help us achieve sustainable operations for Tumblr.

Improve performance and stability: deliver crash-free, responsive, and fast-loading apps on Android, iOS, and web.

Improve quality: deliver the highest quality Tumblr experience to our users.

Move faster: provide APIs and services to unblock core product initiatives and launch new features coming out of Labs.

Conclusion

Our mission has always been to empower the world’s creators. We are wholly committed to ensuring Tumblr evolves in a way that supports our current users while improving areas that attract new creators, artists, and users. You deserve a digital home that works for you. You deserve the best tools and features to connect with your communities on a platform that prioritizes the easy discoverability of high-quality content. This is an invigorating time for Tumblr, and we couldn’t be more excited about our current strategy.

#more ranting

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always-andromeda · 8 months ago

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Time for a little talk. Skip if you don’t feel like reading. I just wanted to get some thoughts out because I’ve been seeing a lot of fatphobia pop up on my dashboard and I just got some comments that reminded me of it all.

TW: discussion around fatphobia, mention of EDs (nothing graphic), disgusting comments from a disgusting individual.

So a few months ago I made this silly little post:

Essentially, that day I got a load of OOTD videos from a plus size influencer on my for you page. And I was saddened to open the comments on every single one and see that the top comments were all insulting, unfunny comments about this woman who was simply just. Standing in front of a camera. Striking some poses. Showing off her outfit.

However. The other day, I got some particularly gross comments on that post:

Now let me clarify, I didn’t legitimize their comments with a response. I have since blocked them and I’m keeping their username covered because honestly, it’s just some random bullshit blog that reposts stolen aesthetic images from Pinterest and makes disparaging comments about fat people on tumblr. Their life is grim enough by the looks of things.

And I'm not posting this to say, "Look at the mean comments I got!! Feel bad for me!! 🥺" Because if this was just regular old fatphobia, I would've ignored and blocked this bullshit like I've done in the past. But it's that first comment that made me chuckle. Friends, I present to you the weakest excuse I've heard for being an absolute piece of shit:

They put themselves out there. They deserve the insults. Plain and simple.

For extra context: I've been fat my whole life. And I probably always will be. I've been insulted for it by "friends" and bullies alike. No matter how much I've restricted, worked out, binged, and purged, none of it has ever made me lose weight. If anything, all those actions have done to me is physical damage that I can't undo!

But these people don't care about that. They don't care about listening and extending empathy and learning like a decent human being might. Even if a fat person did try and comply with this person's bullshit logic and go to the gym to "fix" themselves, they'd still get treated like shit for the simple fact that they exist and they have a body and they dare to show it in public. There is no correct or incorrect way to be fat.

A person's body does not hold some inherent moral value. Leaving pathetically vile comments on a random post from a random blog you don't even follow sure does hold a moral value though I think! One that matters just an eeeensy bit more than my fat ass saying in a silly tumblr post: "Hey, it'd be really cool if I could just...exist...without getting stomped into oblivion, thanks!"

If I dared to pretend that comments like these are made with a shred of good faith in them, I would argue that there is no "winning" with people like this. They only care to perpetuate a cycle of self loathing and discouragement specifically designed to keep us in the position of being punching bags. All they care to do is hurt people they don't know because the internet has afforded them a level of removal from the rot within their hearts.

I'm not saying anything groundbreaking, I'm aware. There are plenty of folks who are more articulate than I am who have had these conversations dozens of time over.

But these people feed on our misery. They feed on their ability to kick up a fuss and hurt our feelings with half assed insults. One might argue that I'm kicking up a fuss right now typing up a long ass tumblr post in response to two measly comments. If that's your contribution to this discussion, get absolutely fucked, this post isn't for you. It’s not for the commenter either.

This post is for all of my homies who have become the punching bag, both on and offline. Because it hurts either way. I hear you and I see you, friends. And the second you start to doubt yourself when these beasts rear their ugly heads, please remember that their words have nothing to do with you. They use their words and their energy to deliberately cause harm. And there is something deeply wrong with that. Some wrong thing that you don't possess purely for some physical trait. Never ever forget that distinction.

I love you all. I'm glad we exist. And I hope that we can keep spreading love in whatever ways we can.

#˚ʚ meda rants ɞ˚

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theninjasanctuary · 11 months ago

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I'm still getting Tumblr glitches, as in, the end-of-year post I saved in drafts is nowhere to be found in the browser version, which is where I wrote and saved it, but is there on the app. Ehh.

Well, this one did not feel like a year where anything significant happened. Which I suppose is a way of saying I've had a decent enough year? As in, the world continues to burn, but I don't recall anything officially bad happening to me, despite all the whining and strong language I did in my posts. Nobody died, I'm gainfully employed and mostly bamboozling people that I can keep up. Looking at what I wrote to summarize the previous year, this one's been a breeze. Even though when I re-read what I've been posting this year - and I don't actually remember half of it -, it seems at least in the winter and spring, I wasn't having a great time between sleep deprivation, money woes and raising a sweet, but messy and needy cat; and from the summer onwards have not updated much at all, always complaining about stress. Well, for one thing, it is obvious I should reduce time spent on Reddit so there's more of it for everything else...

In no particular order: this was surely a better year from the health perspective. The last time I was ill was an annoying cold in early-to-mid February, where I actually needed antibiotics again because I tested positive for lung chlamydia, and have been generally just fine ever since, a welcome break after all the ailments 2022 threw at me. The achy wrist is still there and annoying, but I'm hoping it is fixable with the new treatment plan. And the toe I stubbed really bad in early September is still not a pretty sight, but in early December I finally started seeing a healthy pink regrowth emerge from under the cuticle, so the purple bruised part might finally be gone by, idk, April?

Could have used more exercise, as always, but I kept up with massage therapy and tried to keep up with physio appointments at least (there were some unintended breaks). And I've made some improvements about keeping my cholesterol level in check, and feel good about the new GP.

The cat is indeed no longer a kitten, but has grown into a fine adult, he's 1,5 years old now, weighs close to 6 kilos and is a pretty, floofy, bright boy with a friendly, curious personality. It has been expensive (getting all.the.things from zero, plus medical costs, plus food), and takes up loads of time, he nearly always delays bedtime so I lose sleep, and I've had to wash all the rugs, even replacing one with one that's easier to clean, because he either puked on them (his tummy is a bit sensitive apparently), or used the texture to scoot dingleberries off his floofy butt. Ehh. I'm now a lot less squeamish about cat poop, and since we are trying to keep his butt hair at least somewhat trimmed (despite resistance), there are fewer accidents, and he's learned to tolerate the occasional butt showers without clawing.

He's also grown less bitey when playing, and is still positive and confident, not holding any grudges. His favourite treat is freshly boiled egg (quail or chicken will both do, and he likes his portion slightly warm). He does not enjoy getting brushed all that much, but we keep a Furminator handy for quick swipes, because otherwise every damn thing is covered with cat hair, and the floors develop hefty, dark grey dust bunnies. Beyond demanding before-bedtime treats and play, he mostly lets us sleep without interrupting, as he's not particularly food-motivated, just gets impatient waiting for his morning cuddles sometimes. He only slept in our bed for a few weeks as a baby, initially between our pillows, then moved towards the end of the bed, but then decided he needs more space, and now sleeps where he feels like - sometimes on a chair in our room, sometimes under the bed, sometimes in whichever comfy spot elsewhere he prefers that night. I sometimes wish he was more of a snuggler, tbh, since he's so nice and soft with big plushie vibes. He does come asking that I pick him up for a cuddle and purr session when I get out of bed, or come home from wherever I've been, or sometimes before bedtime as well, and occasionally he'll have a cuddly kind of mood all day long, but overall, he's not a lap cat. Still, I lift and carry him around often enough that it might be contributing to my wrist issues. (Typical De Quervain's syndrome sufferers are mothers with young children.)

Work-wise, I've been feeling like a failure all year, despite actually getting at least some things done by winging it, and I feel I've been growing and learning with the new tasks I've had. Even so though, there's loads of guilt and stress, and I've often struggled with an irrational urge to avoid looking at my emails. It's not even that the workload is that much, it all boils down to my inability to focus. And I still haven't gotten any professional help with that, because my ability to go looking is limited (because I'm busy either stressing about work or procrastinating). And I still haven't seen an optometrist either, despite it being on the to-do-list since spring.

Can't say I've kept up on the home front that great either. My cleaning standards are slipping, particularly when it comes to dusting. There are just way too many things. And the inability to focus bleeds over to chores, things take way too long to get done or are delayed endlessly. I wish I could fix this. OTL

I keep procrastinating by browsing second-hand stores a lot. Made a switch to Sellpy as the first choice this year, since Momox changed their pricing policy and now Sellpy has the better deals as well as cheaper and easier shipping/returns, despite never having discount codes like Momox does. As for the score of items purchased, there were wins and losses, I did manage to get a few stellar items I wear a lot, but also returned lots of complete duds, either things that unfortunately didn't fit, or things I should not have expected to work in the first place, I guess. And I certainly kept a few items I don't use as much... if ever, as remains to be seen.

I see it would be better to tone this habit down to save both time and money, but since the shopping urges are at least partly hormonal, I cannot count on consistently making rational decisions. At least I'm not experimenting much with skincare at this point, mostly sticking to repurchasing staples. It still gets a bit expensive even so, and it has to be said that I've had an annoying amount of acne and picking issues this year despite keeping up with an elaborate skincare routine. All of this to be filed under *shit I still don't know how to fix*.

The travelling I managed this year was pretty nice in hindsight, a week in France at the end of January, then another in mid-August, then a weekend trip to Brussels, and an overnight in Helsinki to see a great live. I wish I could do more of this without financial stress, and worrying about leaving the cat (he's not taking separation super-hard, but still). The trip to Japan with friends we could not afford to take was a bit of a shitshow, btw: scorching temperatures, then a typhoon and then return flight cancellation, so stuck at the airport for 2 days before eventually getting rerouted.

Socializing: I think I did better than last year in this respect, I finally was in the mood for, and had the opportunity to throw a proper birthday garden party for myself, which was lovely. Additional meet-ups happened too, even if it would have been fun to have more. And having the cool coworker back at the office has been good, as expected. Now if I'd manage to actually get work done in reasonable hours, and feel good enough about my work output to warrant taking the time for fun, including hanging out with people, it would be even better.

Family: things are good with the boyf and most of the family, but I am stressed about big brother, his wife, and mom's will. Idk how any of this will be resolved. Ideally, I'd just buy the things I want from mom before inheritance ever becomes an issue, thus preventing any dividing issues, but I'd need to win the lottery beforehand...

I managed to do more gardening at mom's over the summer, which was rather nice. The summer wasn't as stressful climate-wise as feared, it was very dry in June, but enough rain from there onwards, and not too hot (I didn't get round to buying a mobile air conditioner nor heat-reflecting blinds, nor Birkenstocks, so this was very welcome). Still sad about losing a major feature of the entire garden, the big maple tree. Hoping to plant a replacement in the spring.

My aims for the next year involve being more responsible about money. It would be ridiculous to end up short on funds again when I'll be earning more than ever. The plan is to put more into the index fund retirement scheme, and I've started an automatic saving scheme as well (it rounds up all the card payments to 1 € up + I've added a monthly lump payment). I do hope to finally calm down about wardrobe upgrades, since I already have so much fabulous, joy-sparking stuff, and instead improve fitness a bit, so things will look better on me. I should definitely get more exercise anyway, and get some sort of a cheapish sports watch might be good. And I need to eat less sugar, and it would be good to get back to 8/16.

It also looks like 2024 will be one of the hardest work years of my life, and I have to manage to pull it all off for things to be easier in the future. It would be good if I just read books in my downtime instead of procrastinating on social media. Work guilt has meant very little reading just for fun this year, and that's not the kind of person I want to be.

As for what to look forward to, I will travel to France again in a few weeks, and probably to New York in June.

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unseededtoast · 1 year ago

Text

Antedate | Bucky Barnes

Part 6/13 | Part Five, Part Seven

Summary: Sometimes making the right decision feels like the wrong one. That decision can stick with you for years and leave you wondering what would happen if you had chosen something else. But the alternatives likely lead to a much darker path; you'll never know for sure though. One thing is for certain, the decisions I have made will have lasting consequences.

Prequel to Rectify

Series Warnings: Discussion of human trafficking, physical and mental abuse, mention and description of death

a/n: Hi everyone, thank you for checking this out, I appreciate any and all support! This series is also posted on Ao3 and Wattpad if you prefer those formats/platforms! This is a completed series, and it's going to take some time for me to transfer it to Tumblr, so please bear with me!

"Lost for words?"

"Yeah, something like that."

I stand with my hands clasped in front of me as I wait for instructions. Today is the day that the first Winter Soldier contract is going to be carried out. It took days of pleading with my father before he agreed to let me come. I argued with him until I was blue in the face and I'm pretty sure he only let me come because nobody else knows how to control the Soldier. Truth be told, I think the Soldier frightens my father but he'll never admit it.

Dane stands beside me as we watch agents put gear on the Soldier. He's outfitted in all black. He's given cargo pants, boots, and a motorcycle-esque jacket that exposes his metal arm. All items of clothing are laden with weapons, some hidden and others exposed. To top off his look, he's given a mask that obscures the lower half of his face. The mask is equipped with an air filter to protect him if he finds himself in a situation where poisonous gasses are present. Every aspect of his uniform was meticulously planned and designed.

An agent puts eye black on the Soldier's face and gives him special tactical glasses and then steps away from him, rubbing his blackened fingers on his pants. If I hadn't been working with the Soldier I would be very intimidated by his looks. Hell, even after working with him I'm still intimidated by his appearance.

"Everyone load up." The squadron leader announces, breaking the tense silence of the room.

Dane and I are going to be transported with the Soldier, not with the rest of the squadron. The Soldier climbs into the big armored vehicle first, followed by me, and then Dane. Dane sits close to me so that our legs are touching one another. I nonchalantly pull my leg away from his. After hearing his conversation with my father the other week, I feel uneasy being near Dane, not that I ever felt comfortable around him in the first place. I know it's just a matter of time before my father tells me of their plan.

The vehicle starts up loudly, and we're on our way to the mission site. The plan is to let the Soldier handle things on his own, after all he is an elite trained assassin. However, to make sure the contract is fulfilled, a squadron of special force Hydra soldiers are coming along as well. I've never seen the Soldier in action before and I'm anxious to see how this is going to play out.

Weeks ago an agent was planted within the target's circle in order to find out where the subject was going to be. It also allowed Hydra to install cameras at the hit site so that people observing can see what's happening in real time, and also provide proof to the client that their contract was fulfilled. It's a very complex ordeal, and I'm sure it's going to pay off.

The target is supposed to be going to lunch with the Hydra plant to discuss some sort of deal. The deal is just a facade to get the target as secluded from the public as possible. After all, the Winter Soldier is not supposed to be known to the public. He is to remain elusive. I feel myself become more nervous the closer to the site we get. We plan on parking a mile away from the site and having the squadron set up in locations nearby in case they are needed.

After what feels like hours of driving, the vehicle stops and is turned off. Someone opens the door for us and we all step out, the Soldier standing by my side. We're in some abandoned warehouse it seems. Inconspicuously, I place a hand on his back and hope that it brings him some sort of reassurance or comfort. After all, I have no idea what's going through his mind right now.

I remove my hand from his back and follow the squadron leader to what is going to be the communications point, where all the monitors to the cameras will be. Agents are rushing around to quickly set everything up. I check the shiny silver watch on my wrist, thirty minutes until the hit. I motion for the Soldier to follow me and I tell Dane to stay where he is, otherwise I know he would've followed me.

Secluded away from the others, the Soldier stares at me, equipment covering his face so I can't see it. I look into the glasses and sigh lightly, I think I'm more stressed out than anyone over this. My reputation is on the line too, it's not just about the Soldier's performance. I straighten out his jacket and glance at my watch again. Time seems to be flying by.

"You're going to do just fine, remember, the target is going to be wearing the blue suit. The man in the black is with us. I have no doubt that you're going to do just fine. Be confident in yourself and your abilities. I'll be here for you afterwards, I promise." I try to give him the best pep talk I can come up with. I feel my stomach tying itself in knots. Obviously, he doesn't respond to me. We stand in silence until an agent comes up to the two of us, interrupting our solemn moment.

"Miss Averina, it's time to put the asset in position." He speaks with false confidence. I can tell he's terrified, his voice wavered as he spoke and I can see the sweat on his brow. I nod my head stiffly and turn to the Soldier.

"It's time. Follow this agent and he will put you in position. Good luck." I say quietly and watch as the Soldier takes my orders and follows the man.

I rejoin Dane and the others in front of the several monitors that are being set up. I check my watch again, fifteen minutes. I take a deep breath to try to calm myself. This is the moment everyone has been waiting for. On one hand I hope he is successful. It would not only save him but myself as well, though I know this reasoning is selfish. If he fails, then my father will lose millions in contracts and I know that will not go unpunished.

However, on the other hand, I feel for the man who has to take another's life. I know this isn't being done out of his own free will, he's being forced to murder. It's a lose-lose situation in my eyes.

"Are you excited?" Dane asks me. The last thing I want to do right now is have any sort of interaction with him, but I know if I act out of line my father will hear of it. I fake a smile and turn to him,

"I am excited. I know he's going to do well." I say and hope that he buys my performance. Luckily for me, Dane doesn't seem too in tune with any sort of emotional intelligence and doesn't question me. We both turn our attention to the monitors and I can see the Soldier being placed in position for the hit and is given an earpiece. Five minutes until the hit.

The squadron leader turns on his earpiece and makes sure that it works. The Soldier confirms that his earpiece is working. I start picking at the skin around my nails anxiously. The squadron leader gets a message on his phone and reads it. He informs the Soldier that the target will be moving in shortly.

The entire room is silent, everyone's eyes are glued to the screens. I think my heart is beating so heavily that the people around me can hear it. It's not long until I see two other people walk into view of the cameras. Any moment now.

I watch as the man in the black suit, the Hydra agent, offers the target a seat. The man sits down with the agent and I see the man look around the room quickly. I think he senses something is awry.

"Target is in position. Engage." The squadron leader speaks into the earpiece. With wide eyes I watch as the Soldier turns the corner and quickly heads to the target. The Hydra agent with the target abruptly stands ands runs from the scene so he isn't caught in the crossfire. The target shouldn't be armed, but you never know.

The target stands from his seat as the Hydra agent runs and looks around frantically. He sees the Soldier walking towards him and backs up as much as he can, tripping over his own feet as he tries to flee from the Soldier. I can see the man with his arms out in front of him, likely pleading for his life.

With skill, the Soldier grabs a knife from one of the holsters on his leg and spins it in his hand. In the blink of an eye, the Soldier slits the target's throat. The target's hands reach for his neck and he falls to his knees. I can see the blood run down his neck onto his hands. As the man loses blood he falls further onto the floor.

"Target eliminated. Return to communications." The squadron leader speaks into the earpiece. My throat feels dry and I can't seem to tear my eyes from the monitor. I hear people around me start to talk and celebrate the victory but I can't focus on them.

The man's body lay in a crimson pool, motionless. I know this is only the beginning of the carnage that surely to come. Once word gets out that the contract was successful, I have no doubt that even more contracts will come. The night of the presentation there were already several interested clients, but this just solidified that there will be more.

Someone shakes my shoulder, breaking my gaze from the corpse on the screen. Dane has a hand on my shoulder and I see a huge smile on his face.

"He did it." He says with great enthusiasm. I return the smile and nod,

"I knew he could do it." I say, feigning celebration with the others. I don't know how anyone can celebrate what just happened.

I watch as the Soldier walks back into the communications center, and everyone stares in awe. I can tell people want to congratulate him, but they know better than to engage in any way. Without skipping a beat, I shrug off Dane's hand and go to the Soldier. Agents begin deconstructing the setup and packing things up quickly. We can't stay here for long.

I see small dots of blood on the Soldier's natural hand and some on his metal one. I'll have to get that cleaned up when we get back. For now though, I lead him back to the armored vehicle and get him settled inside.

The agents get everything packed up and we're heading back to the base in record time. It's silent in our car, but not for long.

"Lost for words?" Dane asks me. I lift my gaze to meet his eyes,

"Yeah, something like that." I say and look over to the Soldier, who is staring straight forward.

"It's gotta feel pretty good, knowing that you made this possible." Dane says. Though I know I should feel proud, I feel nothing but regret and sorrow. However, I smile and nod my head,

"It's just a lot to process is all. It's almost unreal." I say, realizing I didn't have to completely lie to him.

"I know your father will be very pleased." He says, but I sense some sort of eerie undertone.

"I hope so." I say and the conversation dies.

Once we arrive back at base, the squadron begins organizing their things, and the three of us get out of our vehicle. I excuse myself and the Soldier from the rest of everyone under the guise that I need to reprogram him. I walk the two of us through the hall, people moving to the side for us.

I open the door and let him walk in first. Once the door is closed, I know I can drop my facade. My shoulders slump slightly and I gently start disarming him. I gather the weapons strapped to him and remove the holsters. I place the guns on a rack in the back of the room, and put the clean knives in specialized briefcases to keep them in pristine condition.

I remove the knife and holster that keeps the murder weapon and set it aside for cleaning. The target's blood coats the blade, turning a rusty brown color from oxidation. I try my best to not touch the blood.

After I get the weapons and holsters off of his body, I lead him to the chair in the center of the room. I gingerly remove the glasses from his face, along with the mask. They both have their own specialized briefcases to be kept in as well.

I also remove his boots and put them aside.

"I'll be right back, stay here." I say quietly as I make my way out into the lab that's adjacent to his room. I grab a bottle of rubbing alcohol, some cotton balls, and fill a small glass bowl with water. Thankfully, there's nobody in the lab right now so I don't feel the intense stares of the scientists.

I go back to the room and see that he is sitting in the chair still. I place the things on my desk in the room and put some rubbing alcohol on a cotton ball. I walk over to him and move the stray pieces of hair out of his face. Carefully, I begin removing the eye black from his face, being extra cautious the closer to his eyes I get.

After the eye black is removed, I soak a cotton ball in water and clean the area again, I don't want to risk some rubbing alcohol going into his eyes. Then I clean the blood off his hands, removing all trace of murder.

I place the used cotton balls in a pile on my desk and retrieve the hairbrush I keep in the desk drawer. I go behind the chair and start running the brush through his dark, tangled hair. Quietly, I hum a tune in an attempt to help relax him. I know I told people I was going to reprogram him, but I don't see the need to. Plus, I don't want to add more trauma to his day.

After his hair is tangle free, I run my fingers through it, knowing that I always found some comfort and relief when my mother did this for me. Though that seems like ages ago now.

"I don't want to do this, but you know what time it is." I say and walk around the chair. He stands and follows me to his cryogenesis chamber, stepping in as the door opens. I sigh and lean in and place a kiss on his cheek before I engage the cryogenesis cycle. His bright blue eyes close just as I hit the button. It never gets easier.

I clean up the cotton balls and leave his room, feeling tired from the day. I go to my room and kick my uncomfortable shoes off. I hate keeping up appearances. I take the watch off and place it on my run down vanity. I find it funny how my father wants me to always dress and look extravagant, but can't be bothered to get new furniture for my room. It just reinforces to me that he doesn't actually care about me, but only about making good impressions on others. My appearance and actions are a direct reflection of him, in his eyes.

I sit on the edge of my bed and see the image of the dead man in my mind. My heart hurts for the target's family and for the Soldier. Neither of them wanted this.

I found that during this process it's easier for me to cope with things if I quit using the Soldier's name. I will always remember his name, but the things he's being forced to do here is not who he is, or was. So, I only find it respectful to not use his name.

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts. I get up and open it, seeing my father and Dane standing in front of me. Dane has a smirk on his face, and my father's face is expressionless. I have a feeling I know what this is about.

"Adalyn, we need to talk." He says in a stone cold voice. I look between the two of them and nod, putting on the first pair of shoes I see so I can follow them to my father's office. The fatigue from earlier is gone, but unfortunately is replaced with anxiety and dread.

#bucky barnes x oc #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky #bucky fanfic #hydra #bucky barnes fic #james buchanan barnes #marvel #the winter soldier #winter soldier

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just-jammin · 2 years ago

Text

I posted 7,206 times in 2022

1,936 posts created (27%)

5,270 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@just-jammin

@astro-inthestars

@joyflameball

@anarchy-and-asexuality

@foxyfexyll

I tagged 3,603 of my posts in 2022

Only 50% of my posts had no tags

#idk anymore - 1,984 posts

#that was stupid - 1,984 posts

#inquiries of a fennec - 627 posts

#<= (a tag for me speaking) - 555 posts

#<= (also a tag for me speaking) - 491 posts

#a really nice anon - 340 posts

#not my art :p - 162 posts

#self rb - 160 posts

#pokemon infinity liveblog - 122 posts

#jammin’s ocs - 104 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#but i either 1. don’t want to include them bc we actually haven’t talked much or 2. they’re in a diff friend group than the ppl in the list

My Top Posts in 2022:

after quite a while, here's my half of the art trade with @altairtalisman!

(psst, open image to see cool shit)

they asked me draw Rook Ayeran, specifically vaer Ascendant Form! but i DID add another person into the mix...

anyways, enjoy and both versions (that are higher quality) are under the cut in case y'all are on Dark Mode or something

See the full post

21 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

it's Pride Month wooooo

i wasn't rly planning to draw somethin' for it but eh fuck it

so here is

Which Shirt?

yeahhhhh i'm confused with my gender again

not sure if i'm a demigirl or an nb girl, but hey, at least it's easy enough to change online, right?

anyway, bonus is under the cut

See the full post

29 notes - Posted June 8, 2022

i wanna make one of those 'let's make a creature' things

so i tried searching for one and chose this

or reblog thread, in this case (maybe replies if the order can be coherent enough)

(got it from here; op is MiuNightmare)

i also wanted to add two three more things to the thread:

7. the creature's body type (think like the shape of the creature, like for example, here's the Pokémon body types from Gen 8)

See the full post

33 notes - Posted January 17, 2022

the aub

e Lekismon

yes, this is the thing that i ACTUALLY wanted to draw when i drew the loading screen-looking thingy

just some OMORI x Digimon AU stuff that probably won't be in the actual story that i planned for it

catering to my own interests is much harder than i thought...

also the bg is has the same source as the loading screen one; it's from the game, but i REALLY edited the colors to make it more... er, Digital World-y

36 notes - Posted September 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

ok folks and frops and funky lil' aliens

remember the Aura Fusion Generator that i've mentioned a few times back?

it's still not done, but i AM starting to let you apply for the generator's Alpha release!

this is because it might take a BIT longer to make a final, more improved version of it since i am still a coding amateur

although there ARE some features that are unique to the Alpha version of the generator (even a giveaway of some files to help you out!), as well as... maybe a contest that i'll announce here on tumblr after i release it?? idk

so to apply, please reply (not ask, not reblog even tho those are needed for spreading the word) here with your answer to this question: "If you got an AuraStone, what would your Aura Fusion/Pure Aura be based on your own vibes?" it can contain 1-3 Auras, with 2 being the most common, 3 being less common, and 1 being the rarest

oh, and the Elements are Fire, Water, Earth, Air, Nature (plants), Life (flesh and organs), Metal, Electric, Light, Dark, Null (the soul and senses), and Chaos (randomness and everything else)!

37 notes - Posted June 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #wow that was a BUMMER compared to last yr #and the top post is something that everyone (at least one anon) hates!#whoopee!! /s

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gale-gentlepenguin · 3 years ago

Text

ML Fic: Soulmate Survey Part 38

Sorry for the delay. Real life gets out of hand. But here it is! The antepenultimate chapter.

Shout out to @asongeverlasting for beta reading for me and making sure I actually got this out.

Check her writing out on AO3 as Ramblingwren

(Master post)

(Read the fic in a more condensed on Ao3)

(The latest chapter will be up on there once this reaches over 500 notes on tumblr)

Hope you all enjoy

_____________________________________________________________

“I shouldn’t have let her go out there.”

Fu watched the school nurse, Angela, fret as she paced back and forth.

“I understand your concern, but I believe that it will all be alright. Ladybug and Chat Noir haven’t failed in handling an akuma yet,” he explained. “The girl will be okay.”

The nurse stopped pacing.

“I appreciate your optimism but… I am really not used to this,” She said as she gestured to the air.

Fu blinked at the statement.

“Oh?”

“This! This whole thing! Super villains that appear whenever someone gets sad, teenagers with superpowers! This is all new to me! I just moved to Paris a month ago from the countryside. All I wanted was to further my education and get work in the medical field. It… It boggles my mind that everyone in this city is so okay with all of this! Even my new boyfriend Curtis is able to shrug off an akuma attack like a sudden drizzle. This isn’t normal!”

The guardian could tell the young woman was distressed, and he couldn’t blame her. In a way, he envied her. This was all foreign for her, but to him, this was his entire life.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up like that. I've had a lot to deal with, and this whole situation is just so…”

Fu moved to her and helped her sit down.

“It’s alright, this is by no means a good situation. Your concerns are very understandable. I can tell that deep down that your frustration and fear come from compassion and empathy. You will make a wonderful doctor one day.”

She took a deep breath.

“Thank you. You have no idea how much I really needed to hear that today.”

“How about I teach you a medication technique that will help you calm down?”

“Meditation? I'm not really one for that kind of stuff.”

“If one wants to be a doctor, being able to calm down and handle an emergency situation is a must.”

The school nurse agreed that he had a good point, and that this may help get her mind off of things.

“Okay, I guess I'll give it a shot.”

Fu smiled.

“Good. Let us start simple. Close your eyes and put your hands together.”

Angela felt the action was a bit odd but complied.

“Now, take a deep breath. Count to 5 in your head and then breathe out.”

She took her breath and followed the order.

“Whenever you feel a thought come to your head, simply picture yourself putting it out of your mind and into a bucket.”

She tried her best to comply.

As she did this, Fu moved behind her and quickly pinched a nerve on her neck, causing the young woman to seize up for a moment before losing consciousness.

“That will help her relax.”

He carefully moved her to the cot and laid a sheet over her like a blanket.

Once it was clear that she was asleep, a turtle kwami flew out of hiding.

“So, what do we do now, Master?”

Fu took a moment to consider.

His plan was already in motion. Ladybug and Chat Noir had plenty of allies to help fight the akuma. All that needed to be done was to sit down and wait.

But as he thought about it more, he couldn’t help but think that he should go in personally. It was what he'd initially planned to do with akuma, after all. Listening to this young woman’s fears made him really see how his inaction has led to such fear and uncertainty.

For once, it was time for him to go on the offensive.

“Now we head out and find this akuma.”

“Master, you already sent out three miraculous. Let the other heroes handle this,” Wayzz insisted.

“The people of Paris should not have to become used to this. I have been far too lax with this situation. Right now, Ladybug and Chat Noir are facing their most dangerous akuma yet. For decades I have always remained passive in order to avoid making another mistake, but I have already made so many with my inaction. It's time I stop letting my actions be dictated by fear.”

“But Master, you can’t transform! Your body is too old to handle it!”

“Fear not, Wayzz. I have been exercising and restoring my vitality with the techniques of the guardians. By my estimation, I should be able to maintain the transformation without too much issue for 10 minutes,” Fu assured.

“That is not a lot of time, Master!” Wayzz pointed out.

“True, but it is better than nothing. We will head out and wait for the moment we need it. Be ready, Wayzz.”

The old guardian started heading to the door.

“But Master, what if you get captured? What if the akuma does succeed and you are unable to step in?”

Fu paused at the door.

“I know you are concerned for me. I appreciate your care. But I need to go out there. I have lived a long life, Wayzz, far longer than most humans. One day I may not be here to be the guardian.”

Wayzz felt a pang of sorrow hearing his Master talk about how he would no longer be around.

“But that’s okay. I know that when that time comes… I have two young heroes that will be ready to stand up and fight. The best thing an old man like me can do is pave the road for them.” The guardian said with certainty. He went to open the door.

“Fu…”

The old man stopped. Turning around, he saw the turtle kwami he had known for most of his life smile at him.

“I know you think of yourself as a failure of a guardian… but Su Han and the others were wrong. You are a great one. You are the most caring guardian that has ever held the title. And I will be by your side to the end.”

The old man felt his eyes well up at the sweet comment.

“Then let’s go, Partner.”

___________________________________________________________________________

The dragon heroine grabbed the confused snake hero and moved him to the closest room before closing the door.

“Okay we should be safe here,” she said as she looked over to her comrade. It was clear that Viperion was still very confused. It did not help that both his and her miraculous were beeping. They didn't have much time.

“Thanks… ummm,” Viperion started as he tried to rack his brain for a name. Part of him felt like he should know her. But his mind is blank.

“Ryuuko. You can call me Ryuuko. And you are Viperion.”

“Okay… weird name for me, but I guess it works.”

Ryuuko realized that the bubble Viperion had been put in wasn’t just to keep him frozen in place. One of the side effects must have been leaving him without any memory of who he was. Had her partner been aware of that risk when he took the bubble for her? She couldn’t know for sure. But right now, she needed to focus on the task at hand. Shehad to take charge since her partner was out of sorts.

“Okay, 'll try to explain this as quickly as possible.”

“Your real name is Luka. But when you are in your hero form, you go by Viperion.”

“Hero form...”

He looked down.

“Well, that does explain the costumes. I thought it was some sort of weird costume party.”

Ryuuko decided to ignore that.

“Okay, so I'm a hero. And you're one too?”

“Yes. We are both heroes picked by Ladybug to help her fight villains. Right now, we're fighting a bunch of them, and you got your memory wiped by one of their attacks. That’s why you are confused. Any questions?”

The boy took a moment to look himself over and then look at her. This was a lot of information to take in. Ryuuko was half expecting him to call her crazy. Which, given how bizarre the circumstances were, she wouldn’t blame him.

“Okay, I think if it was anyone else telling me this, I would have called it a load of bull. But… I don’t know why but I feel like I can trust you. You sound sincere,” Viperion responded.

“Okay great, now let's…”

“I still have a few questions.”

Ryuuko sighs.

“Look, we really don’t have much time. We need to hurry and get out there to help…”

And just before she finished the statement, both of their transformations wore off. Revealing their civilian forms.

“Oh no.” Kagami muttered in horror.

“What happened? Where am I… What am I?” The snake kwami questioned as he looked at himself.

“It appears that Sass was also impacted by the amnesia.” The dragon kwami that popped out of her necklace commented.

Luka stared wide eyed at the creature.

“Are you a snake?”

“A snake? I suppose?”

“A snake with limbs? That is very rock and roll.”

The two fistbumped. Thankfully they seemed to get along.

Longg looked at them.

“This is quite a predicament.”

“We need to hurry back in. Longg! Bring the….”

“Hold on a moment. Both Sass and I will not be able to do that yet.”

Kagami stopped.

“How come?”

“We need to refuel. The energy of transforming AND using our unique powers drains a lot out of us. We need some food to continue.”

“Food… Okay.”

The snake Kwami grabbed his stomach.

“I find myself rather famished,” he commented.

Luka looked at him.

“Let me see if I can help you out.”

The teen took off the backpack he was wearing to go through it. Thankfully there was a bag lunch in there. For some reason he felt that was important. But decided that if it could help the little guy out, he was sure it wouldn’t be a big deal.

He opened the bag lunch and pulled out a bag of apple slices. Opening it to grab a piece.

“I know snakes usually are carnivores, but how about some fruit?”

“Ooo! It smells divine!”

Luka handed the floating kwami a piece of the apple.

He takes a bite.

“Oh! It's delicious! Juicy and sweet!”

The snake quickly devours the apple piece.

As that happens, Kagami looked through her bag.

“I don’t have fruit but I do have some onigiri. It was my afternoon snack… but since this is a dire situation.”

“Rice? Yes please!” Longg exclaimed as he dive bombed right into the delicious rice ball.

“It’s Umeboshi, it’s not to everyone’s taste but It is one of my favorites.”

“It’s the most delicious thing I have ever eaten. The sour plum really brings a new dimension of flavor.”

Kagami smiled a bit at her kwami companion, happy that she could help.

The two Kwami finished their food and were ready for action.

“Okay, Sass. You need to help Luka transform.”

“Sass? Is that my name?” the snake inquired.

“So, he helps me transform into Viperman?”

“Viperion, and yes,” Kagami responded.

“All you need to do is say. Sass, Scales Slither. And to activate your special power just pull your bracelet back and say second chance. Then pull it back when you want to use it. But be sure not to use it right away,” Longg instructed.

“Okay seems easy enough. Are you okay with this?” Luka asked as he turned his attention to his snake pal.

“The floating horn snake seems fine with it so I say let’s give it a try”

Longg decided for the sake of his friendship with Sass to ignore the comment.

“Alright! Let's do this!” Kagami exclaimed as she prepared to transform.

“One last question.”

Kagami was starting to get antsy. She wanted to be back out there fighting. But she held back her annoyance, considering how he sacrificed his memories for her.

“Make it quick, we need to hurry.”

Luka scratches the back of his head.

“Are we a couple?”

If Kagami was drinking water she would have done a massive spit take. Her cheeks turned red.

“What?!”

“You know… together? You seem to know a lot about me, and I just feel this connection... like I can trust you even though I don’t remember anything. I don’t know how or why, but I feel like you matter to me.”

Kagami’s eyes went wide at the comment. It felt surprisingly bold of the musician to say. She had to admit that the statement made her heart skip a beat.

“No, we had just recently become friends.” Kagami responded.

“Oh…” Luka was saddened by the response.

“But, I have thought about the possibility it could be more than that one day," Kagami continued. "But that is something to discuss when you have your memory back. Maybe.”

The fencer felt her mind scream at her.

‘WHY DID YOU SAY THAT! Well, at least he won't remember.’

Luka smiled at that.

“Well, that must mean I must be a good guy, if I could have such a great friend like you.”

The teen prepared himself.

“Alright then! Sass! Scales Slither.”

The musician shifted into his hero form.

“Let’s go save the day.”

Kagami looked at her hero partner and smiled.

“Longg, Bring the storm.

______________________________________________________________________

“Well, that might be a problem.”

Chat Noir and Ladybug looked to see a stone giant guarding the front door of the classroom. The two had hidden just out of the goliath’s view.

“Any ideas on how to take down Mount Akuma?” Chat Noir questioned.

Ladybug looked at the giant from their hiding spot and began formulating a plan.

“Stoneheart grows bigger when he gets mad. These akuma aren’t really able to express their emotions. That means we don’t need to worry about him getting bigger. We just need to find a way to incapacitate him.”

“We could ask Mayura,” Chat Noir pointed out.

“We could ask… wait WHA…”

Chat Noir covered his partner’s mouth and ducked down.

“Shhhh! She’s right there,” Chat Noir hushed.

Ladybug removed the cat’s hand from her mouth and looked from the spot to see that her partner was right. Mayura was in the building!

“She actually showed up?” Oh, this is a lot more serious than we thought. Hawkmoth is really playing it serious with this one.”

“To the butterfly man’s credit, he really has been throwing out some tough ones.”

“I will not give our worst villain credit for anything except this headache,” Ladybug retorted with annoyance.

“So, what do we do? Mayura is in the building and she is talking with the giant.”

Ladybug felt like the situation couldn’t get worse.

“Not so fast, Feather Freak!”

Ladybug recognized that voice.

“Chloé?”

Chat Noir and Ladybug glanced to see a familiar blonde strutting down the hallway. But their expressions of shock shifted to bewilderment when they noticed what she was wearing.

“So are you and that purple fashion blunder here? Or is it just you? I am guessing it's just you. Your boss doesn’t really like to show his face unless he thinks he is sure to win. No wonder Ladybug always kicks his…” The bee themed heroine confidently quipped.

“Queen Bee. Now that is a surprise. I thought Ladybug was done giving you a miraculous.” The peacock villainess commented. She had no interest in dealing with the bee heroine at this time.

“Well, you would be surprised by a lot of things. So how about we settle this. My fist really misses your face.”

Mayura rolled her eyes.

“Fortunately for you, I don’t have the time to deal with you. Stoneheart, I am sure Masquerade would love for you to take care of this pesky bee.”

“Oh don’t think you can walk away! You and that purple cockroach are the same. Both cowards that can’t even face children.” She jeered as she walked forward.

The stone giant moved forward, allowing Mayura to walk to the door and enter.

“Too scared to face me! Typical. I'll beat your pet rock as a warm up and then your butt will meet my foot!” Queen Bee exclaimed with confidence. “Because I am a real heroine!”

Queen Bee got into a stance and prepared to trade blows with the colossus of rock.

Chat Noir looked to Ladybug.

“Did you give her a miraculous?” He whispered in surprise.

“I don’t have any additional miraculous. I thought she had been captured with the rest of the class.”

“Wait… if it wasn’t you… you don’t think…”

“Either Master Fu is in the building and saw how dire the situation was or Chloé snuck away and had a Queen Bee costume stowed away in her locker.”

The two look at each other and immediately come to the same conclusion.

“We need to save her before she gets crushed!”

______________________________________________________________________

Mayura walked into the classroom.

She managed to keep a straight face, but internally she had a lot going through her mind.

What was once a standard classroom now looked like an elaborate throne room. The amazing curtains, the high ceilings. The steps leading up to an elaborate throne. The portraits of Masquerade really brought together the utter decadence and vanity of the akuma persona. It reminds Mayura of Gabriel’s obsession with Emilie in the worst way possible.

Despite finding the décor off-putting, she had to admit it was impressive how Masquerade had been able to change the room into something completely unrecognizable. A testament to her vanity.

She took a moment to see what akuma servants she still had in the room. The Gamer, Reflekta with around 12 copies, Princess Fragrance, Robostus, Zombizou and Horificator. While the white masks obscured their expressions, it was clear that all of them were watching her. It greatly unnerved her.

She kept these thoughts to herself as the masked akuma that was running the school took notice of her.

“Mayura. I've been expecting you.”

Mayura looked up to see Masquerade sitting on the throne.

“Please, come in.”

She approached confidently. Though in the back of her mind something seemed off.

Masquerade stood up from the throne and walked down the steps, a smile of certainty on her face.

“Masquerade. Your Sentimonster gave me the basics of your plan. Securing the school as your base of operations was a good first step. Your plan of creating a video to lower the spirits of those in Paris was also a nice touch,” Mayura praised.

“But of course! My plan is flawless,” Masquerade boasted. “Not even Ladybug and Chat Noir will be able to stop me.”

“Getting ahead of yourself aren’t you?” Mayura cut her ego trip.

Masquerade’s mood soured as her smile faltered.

“What do you mean by that?”

“You have yet to face the two heroes. Not to mention there's a pesky bee flying around.”

“A bee?” Masquerade was very confused by the comment.

“Yes, Chloé Bourgeois, or Queen Bee, to be precise. Seems that Ladybug and Chat Noir went and got back up."

“It doesn’t matter if they have one additional hero or three. This plan won't fail.”

‘Something isn’t right here. I need to leave now!’ Mayura’s mind screamed.

She wasn’t sure why, but something felt incredibly off.

“Speaking of heroes, your plan never really specified how you will deal with them. Care to elaborate?”

Masquerade’s smile grew more sinister.

“I am glad you asked. After Simularé relayed to me that you were here. I finally figured out the perfect way of dealing with those arrogant heroes,” the masked woman stated with certainty, moving forward.

She now stood only a few feet from the peacock villainess.

“Wait a moment, something is wrong here,” Mayura commented as she tried to focus. She couldn’t ignore the warnings in her head.

“What do you mean?” The mask akuma looked with confusion at the blue villainess.

Mayura looked around. Frantically trying to find something but it was fruitless. This distress caused Masquerade to smile.

“I can't sense it,” Mayura spoke with slight worry.

“Sense what?” Masquerade inquired further.

“Where is your amok? It should be on your person but I can't sense it.”

“Is that a problem?”

“Yes. If you don’t have the amok in your possession then that sentimonster will go out of control!” Mayura explained.

“Can’t you just rip the amok out?”

“If it's nearby and I sense it, yes. But I can’t do that if it’s out of my range.”

“So you’re saying you have no power over me right now.” A devilish grin appeared on Masquerade’s face.

“No, I am saying I don’t have any power over the senti…”

Mayura felt a chill as she realized that the masquerade in front of her was not an akumatized Lila.

“Horrificator, block the door,” the Faux Masquerade commanded.

The pink and purple monster quickly moved to block the door with her large form.

The controlled akuma started circling around her as Simularé undid the illusion and morphed into its true specter form, Simularé.

“You ungrateful little monster. You think your master will be okay with you attacking one of the ones that gave her power?”

“My master doesn’t care about you or Hawkmoth. You are a means to an end. And she gave me special permission to take your miraculous from you.”

“Well if your master isn’t here, then no one is jamming the signal. I can contact Hawkmoth and put this little coup to an end.”

Simularé shifted into Lady Wifi.

“I have access to every power my master does. You are trapped with no options.” The sentimonster mocked.

Mayura looked around as she was circled by the controlled akuma. She needed to get out of there.

She felt a pain rush to her head.

‘F*** not now’ She mentally cursed.

The odds were indeed not in her favor.

______________________________________________________________________________

Stoneheart began charging at the bee themed heroine, and just as Queen Bee was about to move, a yo-yo wrapped around her waist and pulled her away from the monster.

The stone giant had expected his charge to make contact but forced himself to stop when he noticed the bee was gone.

“Sorry tiny, but I’m your playmate now,” called a cat-themed hero.

The mindless akuma didn’t visibly react to the change in foe and simply charged at the cat hero.

Queen Bee found herself near Ladybug.

“Chloé! What are you doing?!”

“Uh… Saving the day? I got the jewelry box that you sent out because you needed my help.”

“Jewelry box… wait a minute that means. You are wearing a miraculous.”

“Yep! Don’t worry LB, I will show you that I am worthy of being Queen Bee. And not to boast, but I totally saved someone. But right now, we gotta go beat that ugly pile of rubble.”

Ladybug looked at Chloé for a moment. With the situation as hectic as it was, Queen Bee has shown some competence when there is real danger. Ladybug knew that right now, all hands that could help would be appreciated, and Queen Bee’s appearance could mean that Fu may be closer than she expected. So maybe there were more reinforcements. So if this was the case. She would trust Fu’s judgement.

“Alright, just be ready to return the bee after all of this is over.”

“Right, right, but just know I will probably change your mind about that after this is over!” the bee exclaimed confidently as she jumped back into the fray.

Ladybug shook her head. Whether she was Queen Bee or Chloé, she was still a handful.

“Are you finished gossiping? Because I could REALLY use a hand!” Chat Noir shouted as he held his staff up to hold back the rock monster’s boulder of a fist.

Queen Bee and Ladybug jumped into view and noticed the situation.

“Don’t worry you stray cat, The Queen Bee will put that rock in his place. Ve…”

Ladybug covered Queen Bee’s mouth before she could.

“Hold it. We might need your power for later.”

“I think it would be useful now!” Chat Noir shouted as he struggled to hold the weight of the giant’s rocky hand.

“Okay if my powers are a no no right now, what is the plan?”

Ladybug looked around. She found her attention drawn to a fire extinguisher, Queen Bee, a rubber band, and a discarded backpack.

“Okay, I have a plan.”

______________________________________________________________________

Gabriel had made a decision.

He hurried out of the lair in his civilian form. He was going to head to the school. Now he would just need to get his chauffeur and go…

Gabriel’s eyes went wide as he saw his son’s bodyguard and chauffeur fall to the floor at the steps of the main entrance, a white mask adorning his face that he was desperately trying to get off.

“What is the meaning of this?” Gabriel asked aloud in shock and anger.

He looked to see the mask akuma he created standing at the door.

“Well, if it isn’t Gabriel Agreste. Fashion mogul, and master manipulator.”

Gabriel’s visible anger faded as he stared at the akuma.

“Lila, is that you?”

“Oh quite astute! An amazing deduction. Was it that observational skill that made you the fashion success you are now?” the akumatized Lila inquired. “Though I go by Masquerade now.”

Gabriel knew very well the girl’s powers. He was the one that gave it to her. She was trying to antagonize him, get him angry. But that would not work.

“Well Masquerade, what brings you to my home at this time?” Gabriel asked calmly. Doing his best to keep his tone and mannerisms calm.

“Oh, I was just in the neighborhood, finding more people to join my little army and I notice my charm glowing as I was getting near.”

Gabriel’s eyes went wide as he realized something. The charm bracelet was configured to locate anyone that has ever been akumatized. That included him. His ploy to ward suspicion off of himself was now biting him in the butt. And of course, Lila was likely holding a grudge with how he pushed her with his words about his son and his classmate.

“My bodyguard was akumatized. What of it?”

The silent action figure enthusiast stopped resisting and his body began growing. Gabriel noticed the man was transforming into the gorilla akuma. Gorizilla! And he rushed up the steps as the akuma moved and pounded his chest.

“Gorizilla, go gather up anyone who has been akumatized that you know of. I will handle Mr. Agreste myself.”

The giant akuma nodded at its master and headed off, leaving the agreste mansion with a giant hole that was once the front of the mansion.

“Handle me? And what do you plan to do?”

Masquerade’s necklace began to glow.

“Oh! Well that is very interesting,” Masquerade mused aloud as she learned from the glowing charm.

“What do you mean, interesting?” Gabriel asked. He knew that the charm had the bonus effect of pointing out the emotional weak points of those that had been akumatized. But he had PRETENDED to be angry and wasn’t actually emotional when the akuma took over. Did the charm still impact him the same way it did everyone else?

Masquerade started walking up the steps.

“You blame yourself for your wife’s passing.”

The statement was a blade pointed right at his throat. But Gabriel refused to react. He would not let himself be taken advantage of by his own akuma. He has been on the receiving end one too many times and he would be damned if he let that psychopath have control of him.

Masquerade saw that Gabriel was not reacting to the statement.

“I have never seen a man more miserable and pathetic,” Masquerade said. Her words sounded genuine and cutting.

Gabriel tried to turn around and walk away. But Masquerade jumped high with her superhuman agility and landed right in front of him, continuing her tearing down of his emotional state.

“All of this wealth and yet you are obsessed with what you don’t have. You are so blinded by the grief of losing your wife that everything else in your life may as well not exist. You locked yourself away, desperately trying to find something, anything that would bring her back. But now you are finding that color is starting to return in your life. You feel guilt over hiding the truth from your son, you loathe the attraction that you have been developing for another woman. You hate that you can’t dedicate every second to your lost wife and any speck of joy you feel without her here feels like treason since she is not here with you. You are a man so blind with his obsession that you fail to see the world doesn’t revolve around you. It's disgusting.”

“You know nothing of my life,” Gabriel dismissed.

But Masquerade knew he would say that. She only smiled. The truth was right in front of her. And she was ready to bring it home.

“You are actually terrified of facing her again.”

That shook Gabriel.

“What?”

“You are afraid of seeing her again. Whether it’s a year or 10 years, you feel that even if you could bring her back, she would be here and realize how much of a shell you had become without her. You are afraid that your obsession with her will be the very thing that drives her away once you see her again.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Then why haven’t you brought her back yet? Don’t you love her?”

Gabriel felt like his heart was being repeatedly punched.

“How dare you question my love for my wife!”

“Then why isn’t she here? If you loved her she wouldn’t have been taken from you and Adrien. But you were far too pathetic to do it. You failed her, and you are still failing her. You will never be with her again, and deep down. You know it to be true,” Masquerade answered coldly.

Those words were enough to get him down. That is what finally did him in.

Gabriel fell to his knees.

“No…”

Gabriel had broken. Masquerade knew she had him.

He was emotionally devastated, to the point where couldn’t even react to the mask coming his way.

____________________________________________________________

Well now things are now hitting their highest points of drama!

Will Ladybug and other heroes be able to stand up to Masquerade?

Will Mayura fall to Simularé's double cross?

Will I EVER update in time?

Tell me your thoughts on the chapter. Your support keeps it alive

#ml #ml fic #ml fanfic #soulmate survey #miraculous ladybug #ml fanfiction #drama #ladynoir #lukagami

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kithtaehyung · 4 years ago

Text

Last November (M)

title: last november (m) post date: december 14th, 2020, 8pm est ⤷ revamped/extended: march 27th, 2021, 10pm est pairing: seokjin x reader(f) genre: angst, smut, exes to lovers au summary: you two broke up on good terms. even seeing each other on your friends’ yearly end-of-november trip was never awkward. so why did this trip feel so different? and why does it feel like the end of something that wasn’t even there in the first place? warnings: angst, bad puns and jokes, mutual pining, light dom/sub undertones, oral sex (m/f receiving), nipple play, hair-pulling, choking, rough sex, unprotected sex (pls be responsible!), dirty talk, spanking, creampie, seokjin is a consent king, did i say angst?, did i also say bad puns and jokes? mobile users: alt link if this doesn’t open in tumblr ➛ AO3 word count: 23.7k 24.7k !!

On the last Friday of every November, your group of friends piled into two cars and set off into the mountains.

Ever since you all graduated from high school years ago, everyone branched off into their individual, intricate walks of life. Different towns, different jobs, different social circles.

But before those grand adventures started, each of you promised one thing: a yearly trip to keep the friendship alive.

This time around, you happened to be in the “decidedly more fun” car as Jimin, Taehyung, and your longtime friend Rin jammed the backseat with singing and road trip games. Since Seokjin took driver, you claimed navigator, leaving the front of the vehicle a bit muted compared to the other half. Which was fine - you always loved relaxing on the sidelines while your friends played with chaos and hilarity.

Namjoon kept you company from time to time, too, so you weren’t completely alone in your preferred space.

The only thing that could’ve made the ride awkward was if you and Seokjin were on bad terms.

It wasn’t every day you found yourself sitting beside your ex, after all.

But that simple fact didn’t phase you. The truth was that your breakup was clean and painless - a massive relief to your friends. Back then, it would have torn everyone to pieces picking sides.

The split was so organic that you couldn’t recall an awful reason why it happened. Separation proved as natural as the changing of seasons: you had moved away for university and he powered through his own medical pursuits. Over time, the relationship simmered to a text every few days, resulting in the night in which you decided that it was better to remain friends.

What sucked was the fact that, over the course of time after the breakup, you fell for Seokjin. Annoying, charming, incredible Seokjin.

You didn’t come to terms with it until last November, when you watched his eyes sparkle under an indigo ocean of stars and it just clicked. Agony carved into your heart some nights when you thought about nothing else, but you couldn’t admit your feelings. Not when you two decided that your river had run its course. You couldn’t risk smothering the last embers of your relationship, so radio silence remained your lonely swan song.

Of course you wanted to admit it. You wanted to tell him. Because no matter who came after, they all fell short. Every smile flashed your way, every pair of arms wrapped around your torso, every night spent between the sheets. Nothing compared to what you got from Jin. That man created a hole in your heart that lingered in his wake, a hole through which all of your subsequent relationships plummeted.

The truth was simple: you didn’t want to ruin what you had. Even if what you two would always be was just friends, that endgame was enough for you.

At least, that’s what you told yourself. Every night when you couldn’t sleep, and every morning when you woke up to an empty bed.

Your vision snapped into focus as your phone screen bloomed. The maps app signaled for a turn, so you relayed the direction to Seokjin, who repeated the direction out loud before following through.

Just like always.

The road in front of you melted into a different scene entirely as you recalled why he started that habit. It sprouted from one of your car rides to a diner situated on the other side of your hometown.

During the drive, you did your best as navigator, but your boyfriend was so into the music playing that he missed some turns. One errant right later had you both terribly lost, the surrounding area swallowing the car in darkness. On instinct, you dove into defense mode, trying and failing not to outright panic.

“My maps won’t load,” you stuttered, hitting the screen with your finger, “Shit, shit, shit.”

“Don’t worry, I can just—”

“Don’t tell me not to worry,” you bit out. “Let’s just get out of here.” You hated how pure paranoia pricked at the corners of your eyes. Getting lost was completely irksome and going back home was more appealing to you than moving forward with the date.

“Okay. I won’t,” Seokjin assured you, turning the wheel and rolling the car out from the shadowy street. “How can I help instead?”

“Oh, umm.” With grateful eyes, you stared at your boyfriend and admired his consideration. You’ve never been asked that while upset before. “You could, uh, repeat the directions before following them? That might help.”

His lips curved into a smile, and streetlights flooded the car to bathe his sincerity in a warm glow. “Repeat directions, you got it.”

The memory faded as you blinked and observed the endless mountain range enveloping the road. Snow topped the summits in white caps; coniferous trees swallowed the steep slopes. As if reminiscence clogged your ears, the music in the car seemed louder outside your broken reverie.

Taehyung, as always, took charge of the aux. He usually had an eclectic mix of tunes on rotation but, that time, nothing but upbeat Christmas music was queued. You had to admit: merry music coating the car windows and mountainous scenery claiming your entire vision put you in the best mood.

It was even better when Seokjin sang along. You really did like his singing voice.

“I like my singing voice, too.”

Your eyes snapped toward the driver, expression freezing over as you drank in his delight. Did you really say that out loud? You knew Seokjin enough to know that he was never going to let that go.

“Yeah, well…” You lazily swatted his grin away. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

Seokjin chuckled, his hands comfortably resting on the wheel. “Are you offering to do that for me? It’s minimum wage, but I’d hire you.”

Rolling your eyes felt like the only appropriate response, so you did exactly that, your exasperated gaze looping around to land on your phone. “Relish this moment, Seokjin,” you advised, zooming out in the maps app to make sure you were still heading in the right direction, “Because it won’t happen again. And take the next exit. We’re almost there.”

“Yes, yes, next exit.” You missed the smirk on his face as he scanned the roadside for the telltale sign. “Moment relished,” he quipped, “But I prefer my moments with ketchup and mustard.”

Your groan drowned in his boisterous laughter, but the hand on your face betrayed you since it couldn’t quite cover up the glee that formed right after.

An hour later, everyone had unloaded the vehicles at the campgrounds and pitched the tents. While Hoseok and Jungkook worked on starting the fire pit, Namjoon and Jimin took their time organizing the food and snacks. Rin had disappeared with Taehyung somewhere, but Yoongi said he spotted them taking pictures a ways off.

“They should be helping,” he muttered. “There’s a lot to do before it gets dark out.”

Squatting down to rotate sizzling meat on your portable grill, you waved him off. “They’re shot-swapping since it’s golden hour.”

The silence that followed gave you pause. When you looked up in curiosity, Seokjin and Yoongi regarded you like a foreign language coated your tongue, their struggle to decipher it earning a chuckle of pity.

“They’re both huge influencers, so they know how to take pictures. They always do this when we get together,” you explained, spinning the kebab onto another side, “And golden hour is around sunrise and sunset. It looks like everything is soaked in gold, and it makes your pictures look pretty. But that’s an old term already! You geezers should keep up.”

Yoongi simply raised an eyebrow and kneeled to turn his designated stick. Smoke from the charred meat wafted into your noses as he declined, “I’ll pass. That sounds stressful.”

A rapid clapping of tongs next to your ear preceded Seokjin’s offer, “What are we waiting for? Let’s golden hour swap!”

Why did he have to be so endearing? A cough escaped your throat, disjointed laughs following right after in their awkward escape. Beside you, Yoongi flung condescension Jin’s way, his voice stocked with disappointment as he warned, “Don’t speak. You age yourself.”

You transferred your kebabs to a foiled plate before standing, blood rushing to your lower legs. Seokjin was unleashing a hearty tirade at the other man grilling when you intervened, “That sounds nice, actually. I’m in a photography class so I was planning on taking some photos anyways. Lemme just get my camera.”

As you walked away, you couldn’t escape the abrupt change in atmosphere hovering over the grills, its looming tension caressing the back of your coat in a slight push. The words exchanged were soft in volume, but their possible meanings stayed clanging in your ears.

“Did you tell her yet?”

“No.”

“Do it. She deserves to know.”

You slipped out of your tent with a heavy jacket and lightheadedness. Medicine would’ve helped with the latter, but the med kit Seokjin packed remained strictly for emergencies. Besides, you couldn’t quite slap a bandage on what was truly bothering you anyways.

As you inspected your class-registered Polaroid, you continued to wonder what Yoongi meant earlier.

What was he implying? You deserved to know what? You couldn’t say the feeling swirling around your gut was a positive one. After all, there was a distinct difference in what a person should know, and what a person deserved to know. What was so important that Yoongi practically ordered Seokjin to spill?

Was there another person in his life now? That was one thing that crossed your mind, but you filed that under the “should know” category, even though it twisted your stomach to think about.

The news had to be something urgent.

Was Seokjin getting married?

Without your permission, vessels in your heart shriveled, squeezing life from your already battered soul. A betrothal was entirely possible with his pursuit of a medical degree and coming from a well-to-do family. Maybe he was in an arrangement?

That possibility dropped an anvil on your chest. You couldn’t say that you were completely fine were that the truth. How could you be fine with something like that if you loved him? Of course, you would be happy if he was, but your heart would require recuperation for an extended amount of time. Give or take a few years.

You wandered so far into the depths of your mind that Seokjin’s sudden appearance kicked you back to shore, a yelp leaving your mouth at the same time your Polaroid left your hands. If the camera wasn’t hanging from your neck, you would’ve been in deep shit with your professor as soon as it hit the cold soil.

Its bulky frame definitely bruised your lower chest on the downswing, though. “Ow. Geez, Jinnie, you can’t just sneak up on people like that.”

Your eyes widened in realization. Jinnie? Shit, you hadn’t called him that since you guys were dating. Quite obviously, the stockpile of thoughts and worries involving his secret were blocking your brain from better judgment.

And apparently you weren’t the only one affected by that nickname because Seokjin’s eyebrows shot into his dark locks, his peculiar glance shifting away. Odd.

After an awkward second, he cleared his throat. “Does it hurt?”

Is it supposed to? You knew he was inquiring about your injury but your thoughts drifted to what hadn’t been divulged yet. “No, it’s fine,” you lied. “Let’s pick a spot before we lose the light.”

You don’t remember how long you walked, but the pair of you ended up far from the original campsite.

In your defense, it wasn’t like you planned that outcome. The trees matched at every turn, so you kept wandering until you found a good clearing - or at least some rocks to break the forested monotony.

A foil to your pickiness, Seokjin voiced his thoughts every ten paces, his votes of confidence constantly crushed by your boots. If you had a cent for every time he declared a spot “the one,” you could actually afford the Polaroid dangling from your neck.

It was at a calm clearing with some patches from last snowfall where you decided to settle.

Unhooking the strap from your neck, you ushered, “Let’s do this quick. It’s almost over.”

“I wanna do it first!” You thought Seokjin meant to take the camera from you, but instead he scuttled into the clearing, striking a pose once he reached its center. Of course the fool meant that he wanted his pictures taken and not the other way around. How was any other idea plausible? “Hurry up, you said!”

“The ‘S’ in Seokjin stands for ‘Selfish,’” you yelled, positioning the Polaroid against your eye regardless. His face enlarged in the lens and, to his credit, you couldn’t argue that he was the clear model between you two. The man could pursue a career in fashion instead of medicine and you wouldn’t bat an eye.

He looked handsome merely standing there, cheeks dimpling at nothing in particular and his charm ever effortless. Even the slight bags under his eyes didn’t take away from his natural beauty.

Par for the course with Seokjin. That unbothered self-assurance was one of the traits you liked and hated about him.

At least, initially. The more you got to know him, your outlook on that defining characteristic was one of admiration, not hatred. You simply needed to start shoving some of that confidence down your own throat like a different type of vitamin C.

After a telltale camera snap, the man threw out his coated arms in another pose. “And the ‘Seok’ stands for ‘Seok in my presence!’”

“I think I’ve been in it long enough. My fingers are pruny,” you droned while lowering your Polaroid, ignoring his wiggling in the background. It seemed you were still accustomed to his ridiculousness.

Yet another thing you gave him credit for: he was never afraid to be a dork. When you first met him, you admittedly thought he was faking it. Over time, you recognized his authenticity, and you grew fond of everything wrapped in the gift that was Kim Seokjin.

You waited for the picture to materialize in your hand. When your impatient model approached you and asked why you weren’t shaking the polaroid, you informed him that you should, in fact, not do that. “It’ll damage the final product!”

“So that song is…”

“Wrong. Yes.”

Pure shock flashed across his face. “What other lies have I been told?”

The captured memory started blossoming, and you watched as the color bled into life. “That you aren’t the funniest person on the planet,” you answered, earning a scoff.

“In that case, you’ve just been misinformed.” Seokjin huffed before offering an outstretched palm. “Now hand over the camera, it’s your turn.”

“Me?” You didn’t think he was serious when he said swap. In reality, you just assumed he whipped up an excuse for you to take pictures of him.

And you didn’t mind. It was nice to have that charming smile directed at you, even if only through the lens of a camera. The Polaroid would be your shield, blocking Seokjin from the pain swimming in your eyes, barely afloat in pools of regret and guilt and loneliness.

“Yes, woman! When was the last time you had your picture taken?”

Slowly, embarrassment swelled across your cheeks when you realized it had been a very long time. Legitimately long. You never asked others to take your picture; rather, you were always the one behind the lens. The last time someone actually offered was…

“When you took one,” you stuttered out breathily, “At that park.”

It was during one of the last dates you two went on before you left for university. There was a carnival you were dying to visit, and Seokjin surprised you with tickets and a kiss.

You remember being so elated while traversing through the whimsical booths, failing fantastically at the rigged games, scarfing down sticky, billowy cotton candy. Squeaky horns and childish laughter filled your ears, and you could still feel Jin’s gentle fingers on your hand as he shyly tugged you under glowing stringed lights.

The main attraction was a carousel keeping everything else in orbit, its charisma shining like a golden, spinning sun. When night fell, you too gravitated toward its charm, standing behind its barricade to watch horses and teacups endlessly turn.

It was so captivating that you forgot yourself and where you were - who you were supposed to be spending time with. Swiveling in fear, you scanned the bustling crowd for your boyfriend, realizing that you needn’t worry at all.

Seokjin simply waited behind you, holding up his phone and telling you to pose. You were so caught off-guard in that moment that your face contorted hilariously right as he snapped the photo. In his eyes, it was the greatest picture of all time.

However, it wasn’t that well received by its subject. You begged Seokjin to delete it, and he finally caved on the grounds that you took a replacement. Conceding, you stomped back to the gate guarding the twirling attraction and pranked your boyfriend with a blank expression.

But as soon as Seokjin drawled “You look like you don’t care-ousel,” you burst into laughter - your unabashed mirth becoming his background on every device he owned.

The scene faded from your eyes as the current Seokjin stood in front of you, gripping the Polaroid instead of his phone. Gone were the lights and sounds of the theme park and, with them, your fleeting moment of solace.

“Oh,” was all he stated in return, and you swore the temperature chose to drop in that moment just to mock you.

“You know I don’t prefer it anyways.” Your heart was losing its grip, sorrow evident in your shaky tone. You folded your arms to shield your body from the weather and unwanted emotions. “I’m definitely not as photogenic as you.”

“Nonsense,” Seokjin shot back. “Now hurry up, it’s only golden minute now!”

And just like that, his warmth melted any awkwardness like spring chasing away winter.

In retrospect, he probably regarded that moment at the carnival differently, or he just wanted to keep those memories in the past where they belonged. It hurt to be the only one so strongly affected by them, but Jin had the right idea. If there existed a standard list of activities to do with an ex, talking about the past wasn’t one of the options. Especially if you had feelings for said ex.

Plus, you didn’t forget that there was something he had to tell you. It seemed like you were going to have to wait a little longer for that, and your anxiousness wasn’t pleased.

As you ambled to the center of the clearing, you focused more on the crunching sounds your boots made rather than your feelings. With a quick survey of the area, you surmised that it really was a pretty spot, the mountain range peeking behind the trees adding depth to the setting. Adjusting your outfit, you took a breath of courage before staring at the eye of the Polaroid.

Seokjin moved the camera from his face and called your name, roping your gaze to his concern. “Smile, okay?”

On instinct, your throat constricted. You couldn’t hide behind the lens that time. But smile you did, and you hoped Seokjin thought it genuine, silently pleading him to not notice the anguish lingering behind your crescent eyes.

The fire pit your friends constructed blazed bright as you both made it back to the campgrounds. Everyone occupied the surrounding logs and, judging from the soft pop pumping from a portable speaker, Jungkook must have commandeered music control.

Jimin turned when he heard your footsteps, his expression indiscernible as he shifted his gaze between you and Jin. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything, only turning back to Yoongi to continue their conversation.

Seokjin and you parted ways effortlessly: he slotted into the empty space next to Namjoon and you headed to your tent to stow your camera.

And for some reason, that easy departure was hard to swallow.

Your pitched space offered warmth upon entry, and you dumped yourself onto your sleeping bag without a word. A few quiet moments passed before you unzipped your backpack, the tiny action feeling so tedious, so difficult to achieve.

After you finally stored your equipment and closed your bag shut, you just… sat there. Contemplative.

Mentally, you were in a bad place. Your thoughts and emotions banged into each other, their war rendering you powerless - captive. Fidgeting with the plasticky fabric of your sleeping bag, you thought back to what happened after you two left the photo spot.

It was an uneventful walk back for the most part. The polaroids turned out nice, all thanks to the very rare and very expensive camera you borrowed. Seokjin claimed yours and handed you his, and faced with your sudden curiosity, he sheepishly offered, “You don’t have to keep it.”

You were more questioning of the fact that he stored yours in his jacket, but you didn’t want to broach that subject. It was beginning to scare you. Maybe it was the fact that he was acting strange, coupled with the other fact that he was hiding something from you.

Why were you suddenly afraid to confront him? You two were open with each other during your relationship. Were you also wanting to put this dreaded conversation off as long as possible, too?

If he was with someone else, though, would he still be keeping your picture?

It was too much to think about, so you tried to lock everything in a box and sit on it.

You saw the light of the campfire after a few minutes of walking through the woods - a handful of silent, crawling minutes. It was bugging you that Seokjin didn’t say anything on the way back. A quiet Jin was a Jin knee deep in thought, and not in good circumstance. In a moment of weakness, you almost offered out your hand to grab his, but you instead crammed it inside your coat pocket.

When you both rejoined your friends, it seemed so easy for you guys to separate, like you didn’t just go off and do something so intimate. Even though that wasn’t the word you wanted to use.

You resigned yourself to the big picture nonetheless: it wasn’t like what Taehyung and Rin did. Your best friend was insanely popular on social media with her carefully curated feed and relatable-yet-unachievable style. Taehyung had his own massive following for different reasons, and you couldn’t deny that he knew exactly what he was doing to gain the hearts of many. They were snapping photos for each other to show millions of anonymous beings across the world.

You and Seokjin just took photos for each other to have. No one else was going to see those.

Why did you feel like that was significant?

The edge of your sleeping bag began to fray under duress, so you plucked your body off the ground and slipped back outside. What you expected was the temperature dipping a couple degrees in nightfall. What you didn’t expect was Jimin waiting for you, puffy jacket and all, leaning against a tree.

When he saw you emerge from your tent, he straightened and regarded you with caution. “Everything okay?”

You adjusted the front of your coat before fishing a beanie out to cover your ears. “Yeah, why?”

“You were just in there for awhile,” Jimin explained, his eyes searching yours, “And you were with him for a long time.”

“I don’t like being interrogated, Park,” you sighed.

“I know, I just…” He mirrored you and huffed his own breath toward the ground. A quick glance had you noticing that his own beanie was knit as thick as the fog in your mind. “I just want to make sure.”

Jimin was whom you considered closest next to your best friend and formerly Seokjin. After your break up, Jimin regularly sent you texts to check on you, despite your constant assurance that you were okay. It got to a point where you phoned him and pleaded reprieve - to reach out only if he had something critical to say.

His broken reply? He only texted you because Seokjin wouldn’t.

You ended up crying after that call, and the tears annoyingly persisted a couple nights following.

He was also one of the only two people in the world that knew you loved Jin. Rin was the other, and that’s only because you let it slip during a girls’ night over cheap wine and period piece movies. Something about an early morning confession in a dewy meadow was enough to loosen your alcohol-mottled tongue.

After you ran your fingers over your head, you responded, “Can I ask you something?”

Your friend’s eyes roamed over your face. “Of course.”

“What’s he hiding from me?”

Jimin instantly clammed up at the question. His dancer frame assumed a rigid position, each limb locking, including his jaw. “It’s not my place to say,” he answered gravely, pulling anger from your center.

“Does everyone else know this secret except me?” You really couldn’t take it anymore, especially knowing that something you supposedly deserved to know was possibly public knowledge.

“Just the guys,” Jimin divulged, and you scoffed.

“I can’t believe this.” You made to walk away, in the opposite direction of the campfire. Into the woods again.

Jimin said your name like he just wanted you to understand already, halting you mid-stride. “I’ve been trying to get him to talk to you. Trust me, I have.”

“He’s a grown man, Park. His decisions aren’t your problem,” you whispered.

“But aren’t they yours?”

“Not anymore. We aren’t together right now, if you don’t recall.” You knew you were spitting bullshit, and Jimin did, too. If Seokjin wasn’t giving you problems, you wouldn’t have been hiding in your tent or literally and figuratively walking away from him. Guiltily, you turned back to face Jimin and give him his credit.

He was this way for everyone in your group: the glue that hung on and fought to keep people from breaking apart. Whenever a fight broke out between warring parties, Jimin was the middle man. Always.

Sighing, you relented, “I’m sorry I’m taking this out on you. I’m just so confused, and the longer he hides whatever he’s hiding from me, the more restless I’ll be.”

“Everyone is on your side in this,” Jimin replied. “He just needs to, I don’t know, woman up.”

A breath of laughter escaped you at the tweaked phrase, the tension coating your shoulders slowly sliding off in clumps. “Did you say ‘woman up?’”

“Men aren’t shit,” your friend explained, pointing a gloved finger to punctuate every syllable. “At least women get things done.”

“I would totally drink to that if I had a bottle in my hand, Jimin.”

“Ah, well that can be arranged!” The boy’s eyes crinkled as he spun on a heel. “Let’s go. Jungkook and Taehyung brought out the drinks awhile ago. I missed out on a few bottles already talking to you.”

“Oh, I feel so remorseful,” you cooed, your voice worthy of giving kids cavities. “Almost as if I cared.”

“Ass,” Jimin snapped, but he could only laugh. When you joined his side, he turned and whispered, “But seriously. If he doesn’t talk about it by the end of this trip, I’m giving him hell.”

The temperature dropped again at that moment, and the wind blowing through the pines cut straight into your bones. Your shoulders hunched on instinct and you blinked to get needed moisture. Was it going to snow? The skies above did look intimidating. Was it going to storm?

A sudden trepidation settled into your gut. “Did we check the weather,” you queried, shuffling through your brain to see if you monitored it yourself before the trip.

“Uh-umm, I did,” Jimin answered through chattering teeth, “But I didn’t see anything other than it being cold.”

You pulled out your phone and regretted doing so, your fingers freezing over instantly. You were lucky you all chose a location that was still in signal range - really, thanks went to Rin and Taehyung for incessantly demanding it every year.

Pulling up the weather app after a few tries, you cursed at the oncoming forecast. “Well, there’s more to it. Snow’s coming in,” you relayed to Jimin. “Let’s pack up and find a place to stay.”

The car ride to the nearest lodging felt immensely different than the ride to the campgrounds. Some people focused on defrosting, one person worried about the people in the front, and the two said people in the front weren’t talking at all.

It was you that broke the silence when you steadily gave directions, and Seokjin would repeat them like always. Selfishly, you wanted the car ride to keep going just so you could hear his voice. He wasn’t saying anything otherwise, and there wasn’t music playing for him to absentmindedly sing along to.

The first snowfall was light as your caravan entered the small town nearby, which relieved you. Tiny snowflakes clung onto the windows and you lost yourself in their geometric patterns. Lights from the shops and other stray cars reflected in the slick roads to create a symphony of color, and white patches already settled on trees that lined the main way.

Seokjin spotted the lodge first, and he rolled into a spot towards the entrance, Jungkook’s car slotting into the next space. Your driver rolled down his window and repeatedly pointed his finger down to signal for Yoongi to follow suit. “Let’s go in and make sure they have our rooms first,” he called out, and Jungkook leaned over his console to shout a hearty okay.

You hoisted yourself out of the car and waited for the boys to follow. Seokjin went to stand next to you, but instead of Jungkook popping out of the other car, it was Namjoon that emerged. You could only guess that the youngest slyly started a game to have the loser get out.

Your stomach turned when you realized it was most likely because no one wanted to be left alone with you and Seokjin.

Remorse burned your throat. This trip was supposed to be fun, but it just felt strained. Were you overthinking? Or was your churning gut correct in its assumption?

At the very least, you hoped everyone else was having a better time than you were.

It seemed that the man beside you had the same feeling that a challenge was pitched. “Rock-paper-scissors? Or nose goes?”

Namjoon just laughed at the ground as his face flushed. “Nose goes, and I put my finger on my mouth so, umm, that’s that.”

You chuckled while you three made your way to the door, both of them towering over you on either side. Seokjin opened the entrance for everyone and, when you stepped foot inside, you were hit with a wave of warmth mixed with an undercurrent of gingerbread. The entirety of the main entrance bathed in plaid or embroidered throws, and there was an obvious affinity for Christmas on display with the plethora of garlands, lights, and a towering Christmas tree in the front bay window.

Namjoon and Seokjin quickly got distracted by the toy train running through a snowy village setup. Adorable, but not helpful.

Alone at the front desk, you received confirmation that your group had four bookings, and you thanked the concierge while you gathered the keys.

The rooms weren’t next to each other. One of them sat on another floor, and the rest were separated but shared the same level.

A container of pamphlets caught your attention, so you grabbed one before strolling away. “Guys, let’s claim our rooms. After that, you can watch the train all you want,” you called out, tapping them both on the back with the thin brochure.

They swiveled their heads to your retreating form before following you out the door.

“No. We are not doing that again.”

“Come on, hyung, it’ll be fun!”

“I’m with Yoongi on this one. We could all end up in the same room.”

“But what if you get a room to yourself?”

“Why can’t we ever just pick like normal people? And Hoseok-hyung, you laugh but you have the worst luck out of all of us.”

“Excuse me! That’s only because you all psyche me out!”

“Let’s just pick something. My phone’s almost dead.”

You stood next to Rin while you two watched the boys decide how room assignments were determined. It was a sight to see: them crowding the small hallway, bags littered around their bulky shoes. You both were thankful they were courteous enough to let you two keep a room to yourselves. They even made sure yours wasn’t on the other floor, just so that you girls wouldn’t be alone.

They were going to pick random rooms one-by-one, not knowing which options the others picked until they opened a door. If you and your friend also had to choose, you were risking the possibility of being stuck with Seokjin, which was the last thing you wanted.

On a day where your friendship was actually normal, that wouldn’t have mattered one bit. But right then? The tension surrounding him would have been detrimental.

He had something to say; he wasn’t saying it. You were a sitting, fidgeting duck.

Jungkook whipped his phone out to search the internet for a random coin flip generator. “Here. Heads, we do it. Tails, we don’t.”

Yoongi just snickered in defeat and already started picking up his bag. “I call picking first.”

His intuition proved sharp as the generator pulled up Heads: they were going with the random room assignments. Taehyung kicked his head back with a sigh, and Jimin and Jungkook burst into laughter while the elders collectively groaned.

As Rin giggled at their misfortune, you sent a rueful smile Seokjin’s way out of habit. You were still friends, after all, and he seemed so distraught over the prospect of horrid results. His eyes locked onto yours and, for a brief moment, he offered a shy grin in return.

The fluttering in your chest was quickly shooed away.

It was while everyone relaxed around a public lounge area that Jungkook hurled an accusation, his eyes alight with the flames licking the nearby fireplace. “Hyung cheated.”

Seokjin immediately sat up in his plush chair and retorted, “Take that back! I did nothing of the sort. You all were just too lazy to take the stairs to the next floor.”

Taehyung shot him a side eye and shared his own eloquent opinion. “Seems sus.”

A whole new wave of bickering erupted, and you redirected your attention to the snow storm blustering outside tall windows.

You were thanking every deity above that you guys decided to leave in time. It would’ve been hell in the campsite during this weather, or even while squeezed into the cars.

Though the original plans were derailed, you were pretty happy with the current lodging situation. Who knew a small town would have a humongous lodge? It had to be assumed that this was the main business keeping the town running. Rin was absolutely drinking it in and stated she even wanted to bring her family there, her thoughtfulness curving your mouth upwards.

Another good thing that came out of this trip proved to be the room assignments that Jungkook ended up loathing. They had you clutching your sides when all was said and done.

Four of the boys managed to pick the same room, and Hoseok and Yoongi snagged a room to themselves. These results resulted in one Kim Seokjin speeding up and down the hallway, wholeheartedly shouting with glee. Yoongi almost crumpled to the ground in relief at the end, and Hoseok fell over in laughter when he entered the full room. You could feel the desperation in Namjoon’s muffled voice as he begged Seokjin to let him change rooms. The only reply he received was an ominous “If you behave.”

“Don’t blame us,” Yoongi laughed out, both hands lightly gripping the arms of the rocking chair he chose. “This is what you young people get for trying to be cute.” His relief from only having to bunk with one other person left him chipper, you noticed. To his credit, it was amusing that the youngest four ended up in the same room.

“Okay, gramps,” Jungkook snapped, earning a laugh from Jimin on the seat next to him. “But she definitely gave hyung clues!”

You whipped your head around to shoot a confused look toward your accuser. “Me?”

Multiple eyes darted between you two like pinballs, and you didn’t have time to brace for his next words,

“You know you won’t see him again after this trip, so you—”

“—Kook!”

All oxygen abandoned you as Jimin rushed to shut the younger man’s mouth, practically slapping his face. Eyes popped out of his head as Jungkook paled in realization.

The rest of the boys bore glares into the youngest one’s countenance, but Seokjin turned directly towards you with concern.

What just happened? Your fingers gripped the varnished wood of your chair as you slowly locked eyes with your ex, and your heart dropped like a stone when he shifted his gaze to the floor.

What the fuck was happening? Your brain was going haywire. What did Jungkook mean? You wouldn’t see Seokjin after this trip? The man that you couldn’t wait to see on the last Friday of every November? That was bogus. He was joking. It was a joke, right? One more weekend before Seokjin was gone from your life forever? Impossible. Ludicrous.

Why wasn’t anyone saying anything?

Beside you, Rin clutched one of your tense fists in her soft palms. Addressing the group, her sharp tone demanded an answer when she asked, “What the hell is going on?”

The silence that followed was palpable. Not even the pleasant music drifting through the lodge was enough to damper the tension.

“I think,” Yoongi finally murmured, his words ice, “This is our cue to leave.”

“No need,” your friend snipped, “We’ll go.” She whispered your name before softly tugging you to vacate your seat.

When you pried yourself from the cushion, it took a moment for you to control your legs to actually move. You knew all the guys were watching you, but you were too embarrassed to acknowledge them, too upset to look any of them in the eye.

Rin led you away from the lounge, making sure you were heading toward the nearest staircase before spinning on her heel. “To the unfortunate soul that gets to explain this to me,” she bit, clutching everyone’s attention in her underlying threat, “Text me where to meet you in ten minutes.”

Both you and Rin occupied the carpet, backs against the cookie cutter sofa that existed in each room.

You two pushed the furniture around so that the couch faced the windows instead of the plain TV, and you surprised your friend by dumping yourself onto the ground instead of the cushions. Rin didn’t question you, though. She only followed suit.

The curtains were shoved to the side to reveal the relentless storm, and you watched the swirls and streaks of white until your head fell onto Rin’s shoulder.

“I should’ve been paying attention to you,” she murmured, “I’m sorry.”

You shook your head, the motion feeling awkward in its tilt. “No, no. You’ve been having a fun time, so I’m happy I didn’t ruin that.” Your laugh was dry. “Until now, at least.”

Rin lowered her shoulder so that you rested more comfortably. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’m going through a breakup again.”

Fuck. You didn’t realize until the words left your lips that it’s how you really felt.

It had been a few years since you guys ended things. Throughout that whole time, you didn’t feel awkward one bit.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. The “date” that Seokjin brought to the Christmas party last year made you want to tear your hair out. But, that was because she was obviously after his finances and that was the year you realized you loved him.

The conversation you had with Seokjin turned sour, but you really wanted him to see the big picture. You could still recall that night with clarity, the snow falling much lighter than what you currently witnessed outside.

“Seokjin, do you honestly think she likes you?” The red dress you wore was so vibrant that it glinted off the dinnerware spread across the decadent table nearby.

When you pulled your ex aside that night, the only quiet place you could find was the dining room, long abandoned once everyone got their seconds. Up until this point, it was obvious Seokjin wasn’t understanding you. You tried to tell him how you saw it, and he would just brush things aside.

“You sound like you care more than I do,” he accused, his eyes looking everywhere but your face.

Before you responded, you scoffed. “I’m your friend. Of course I’m going to care.”

You remember the strong emotions you suppressed that night. You couldn’t let more things slip than necessary. Yes, you could show him you cared. Yes, you could show him he needed someone else. Just as long as you didn’t give too much of your own feelings for him away. “You deserve someone that at least likes you, for you.”

Seokjin finally stared back at your stormy features, his eyes filled with something unsaid. You sucked in a breath. What else would he say? You liked him for everything he was, but that relationship didn’t pan out. Obviously. You would’ve been going to this Christmas party together if you still dated.

Maybe you shouldn’t have been having that conversation - it was already hard enough for you to say you were his friend. You wanted to be more than that. Again.

“I know she doesn’t like me,” he finally admitted, running a hand through his bangs. The urge to caress his ever soft strands filled you with grief.

You really did like his hair, and it looked even better when coupled with his Nutcracker-esque attire.

“Then why…” You struggled to find a reason why they were even there together. It was a Christmas party with your friends. Why would he bring someone that he didn’t like?

“She’s interested in Namjoon.” Seokjin’s eyes quickly turned into crescents when he witnessed your expression, and his full lips pursed to contain his laughter. “I was trying to get her off me the whole night, but she was trying harder than she needed to to make him jealous. I’m irresistible, you know.”

“Irritable is more like it,” you growled, playfully shoving him aside. “Ass! I was just trying to protect you and you knew this whole time!”

“It’s nice to know you’re looking out for me!” The man beamed as he made his way out of the dining room.

“Yeah, well,” you whispered, tensing slightly when he stopped. “They have to be perfect. It’s what you deserve.” And you really did mean that.

Seokjin’s smile faltered, and you shot him a half-smile before exiting the room yourself.

That was the last time you guys had an argument, if you could even call it that. The rest of the moments you had with him were completely fine. You wondered if Seokjin could see through you during that conversation. He was perceptive, sure, but you may have gotten away with looking like just a good friend.

It was just worrisome since you couldn’t control your emotions that night. You only got to see him in person during these November trips and Christmas parties when you went home, after all. Seeing him again after realizing you loved him ignited something within you, and it took the whole night to put that fire out.

This looming news just felt way too heavy to handle. Was it because you reached where the sidewalk ended? You weren’t going to see his face in person or hear his laugh out loud. There wasn’t going to be off-the-cuff, awful dad jokes thrown your way every end of November.

A nagging idea, far in the depths of your mind, kept tapping your shoulder. But you brushed it off with a scowl.

Even if you acknowledged the concept, there was no way Seokjin felt the same about you. Neither one of you said you loved each other throughout the time you were dating. Were there times you thought you did? Admittedly, yes. Did you ever think about telling him? Another yes. But he never hinted that he felt the same, so it would’ve been awkward for you if it turned out he didn’t. The absence of a confession kept you from revealing yours. So of course even now, you couldn’t tell him. Especially since he was apparently leaving.

Rin didn’t speak for awhile, but you knew she wasn’t the best at comforting people. She was number one at standing up for you and protecting you, but when it came to the softer parts of consoling, she did flounder. Which was endearing and calming in itself.

“How can I help,” she simply offered, and you nuzzled further into her neck. She always smelled so nice, your guardian Rin.

The adrenaline from Jungkook’s bombshell, your swift exit, and the constant stream of thoughts started to wane. Exhaustion slowly took its place like honey sliding into a jar. Softly, your eyelids drooped and you whispered, “This room is a castle, so be my big bad dragon and don’t let anyone in.”

The last sound you heard before falling asleep was a tinkling laugh followed by a small “As you wish, princess.”

When you regained consciousness, you discovered that you were strewn across one of the beds instead of the ground. You couldn’t even estimate how much time passed while you were out, but the storm outside was still thrashing and the only light in the room was the emergency one by the door.

You groggily propped up weary limbs in search of your phone, eventually swiping it from the nightstand. Still half-asleep, you barely registered the pain meds and glass of water sitting on that same table, their dark silhouettes waiting patiently.

Bright pixels mocked your drool-covered chin. Scrunching your face instinctively, you scrolled through your notifications while blinking sleep from your lashes. You received multiple texts, but you didn’t want to open the threads completely, so you opted to check them from the Home screen.

Jiminie [7:20pm]: Fuck, I’m sorry that happened. Please be okay. Love you.

Tae [7:21pm]: free hugs whenever you need. you know the drill.

Rin-Rin [7:36pm]: I know you said not to let anyone in but I literally couldn’t carry you to the bed. Forgive me!

Yoongi [7:37pm]: He’s in his room. I kept telling him to tell you. I know it’s shit to find out this way so if he doesn’t explain things to you, I will.

Hobi [7:39pm]: we’re here for u love!! let me know if u need anything. there’s a small concession stand downstairs so if u need smth i can run it up!!

Jiminie [7:40pm]: Kook is in bad shape. He swore he thought hyung told you already. Don’t worry tho. I’m not letting him off easy.

Rin-Rin [7:43pm]: Hey, love. Just spoke to Seokjin. I think you need to talk to him yourself, but only if you feel up for it.

Joonie [7:45pm]: I gave Rin a bottle of pain meds we had in our room

Joonie [7:45pm]: Go ahead and take some when you wake up

Joonie [7:45pm]: We can count this as an emergency

Jiminie [8:21pm]: Let me know if you’re okay, okay?

Kook [8:33pm]: I’m so sorry

Rin-Rin [8:48pm]: Grabbing us some snacks from downstairs, I’ll brb.

Your battered heart sank even more when you noticed a distinct absence amongst the names. Seokjin didn’t send you a single message.

What had gotten into him? Did he still not want to talk to you despite you knowing his secret? You clicked your phone shut without opening any of the messages and sunk into the pillows. It was 8:49pm, so you had barely missed Rin’s departure. Her exit was probably what woke you.

Unwittingly, you found your device in front of your baggy eyes again, berating yourself for hovering over Seokjin’s thread. The last text he sent stared back at you in a mocking set of pixels.

Kim JokeJin [Thursday, 9:23pm]: Let’s make this one the best one!

With the previous context, this was just a regular message about the yearly trip. With the right context, these words tied your throat in a knot.

You were sure you loved him, but what you were feeling now was even stronger. If you were honest with yourself, you would say that this is what yearning truly felt like, what something deeper than love felt like.

But you were a fool and a liar, so you convinced yourself it was only because you wouldn’t see him again.

As soon as you were about to give up and lock your phone, the thread updated with a new text from Seokjin, and you stilled.

Kim JokeJin [8:51pm]: You’re probably still asleep, so I don’t want to wake you.

You immediately clicked on his message, your anxiousness protected by the absence of Read receipts. The typing bubble kept popping in and out of the screen and, with bated breath, you waited to see if a second text slid into the thread. A hard exhale whooshed from your throat when the second message came through.

Kim JokeJin [8:53pm]: But I owe you an explanation so come up when you can.

Fingers locked your phone in an instant when the door creaked on its hinges. Rin entered with an armful of chips and various candy bars, and as you started to get up, she tutted.

“Sit down, lady.” Packages crinkled as she dumped them onto your covered legs in a processed, sweet and salty heap. “Did you take the medicine?”

You shook your head, very sure that you looked like a cranky Troll doll.

“Go ahead and eat something really quick so the medicine will work. When you’re awake enough…” Rin’s voice trailed off, but you filled in the blanks yourself. Go talk to him was what she wanted to say.

“Can’t you just tell me what he said?” You were hopeful that Rin would save you the pain of confronting Seokjin yourself. In reality, she denied your request.

“Not this time,” she murmured, “This is something that needs to come from him.”

You figured as much, but it didn’t hurt to try getting out of it. It was a conversation that you both wanted and dreaded to have. Under your goosebumps, your bones trembled.

If you were frightened by the mere gist of it, how were you going to react to the real thing?

The reality was that you needed the closure Seokjin was offering. You didn’t think this vacation - or your friendship, for that matter - could regain normalcy until you had this talk. “Sorry I ruined this trip,” you whispered, playing with a corner of the closest bag of chips.

“I’m sorry, is your name ‘Jungkook?’” Rin laughed. “I’m kidding. It’s not ruined. At the very least, it’s salvageable. Maybe.”

“You should be a weather girl with these confident forecasts,” you joked, coaxing a laugh from your friend. You offered a small smile in return, but your heart wasn’t in it. She kinda forgot that this is the last trip you guys would have with Seokjin. If anything, it was doomed from the start.

Little striations ran across the door greeting you, shallow cuts skirting up and down the frame. You roved your eyes over the rough texture; contemplative, lost in the mahogany brown expanse.

If only you were a sturdy tree. You wouldn’t have to worry about any hard conversations in life. All you would’ve had to worry about was possibly becoming a rickety chair for a spoiled brat, or one of Namjoon’s tables that he would eventually damage and lament over.

With a breath, you finally knocked.

It didn’t take long for Seokjin’s freshly showered form to answer, and when you saw him dressed down to a plain white shirt and black pants, you quickly shifted your eyes to the floor. Didn’t he know that outfit was your favorite? Your weakness?

“Hey,” you simply said. “I’m awake now.”

He nodded and let you in, the door closing with a soft click. When you crossed the room, you stopped in front of the couch, anticipation already caking onto your clothes. There wasn’t much to say on your end, you figured, so Seokjin had to take the lead.

Instead of launching into topic, he walked towards you and grabbed a bottle from his nightstand. “Do you want some water?”

You could only stare at the plastic in question. “Did I come here for water, Seokjin?”

There was a heavy pause before the man planted his offering on the nightstand. “No.” Sitting on the longer side of his bed, he clasped his hands together, blank eyes glued to the floor. “Jungkook is right. I won’t be able to go on these trips anymore.”

“Why?”

“I, umm,” Seokjin answered, his words fumbling, “I kinda got into Harvard Medical School.”

“What?” Your anxiousness was forgotten as you gawked at him. That was what he was holding back from you? All this time? That amazing, fantastic, crazy news? Without thinking, you bounded toward him and crushed him in a hug, careful to not push him back onto the bed. “Seokjin! This is what you couldn’t tell me?”

His arms remained at his sides. When he responded, his explanation bounced onto your shoulder, “I literally won’t have a life once I start. None of you will be able to see this face, isn’t that enough to be sad about?”

Another moment of weakness came over you, and instead of overcoming it, you gave in. Your arms tightened around him and you whispered, “No, I’m so happy for you. You’ve worked so hard…”

There were bags under his eyes for a reason. You knew the nights he got three hours of sleep far outweighed the nights he got more than that. The reason you two didn’t get to see each other was his relentless studying and discipline, and you didn’t want him to have to choose between you and a future career. You both were way too young for those rash decisions.

It was with this memory that you were reminded of why you broke up: you wanted him to focus on his goals and you would do the same. “Really, I’m so proud of you.”

Why you hadn’t let go of him at that point was a mystery to you, but you couldn’t seem to stop. The feel of his body against yours consumed you, held you captive even if his arms didn’t.

But after a moment, you felt strong limbs wrap around your sides and emotion wrap around your throat.

You don’t remember the last time you two truly embraced. It was a given that the last time you did, you were both completely different people. Both so young. Both so naive.

“Thank you,” Seokjin breathed, his head finally a beautiful burden on your shoulder, “But there’s more.”

Tension froze your veins, taking the color from your complexion. Of course there was more. There was no way that was the big reveal, even though it was a monster in itself. “Oh,” was all you managed to squeak out.

Seokjin’s arms gently pushed your body away so that he could look you in the eyes. You already missed his stronghold, but you listened as he spoke. “My parents want me to go back home. To Korea.”

You blinked. “Even though you got into Harvard?”

“No, no, after that,” Seokjin expressed with a level of confidence only he could achieve. Like it was inconceivable that he wouldn’t get his doctorate. He then searched your face, the pause holding weight. “So, I don’t know if I’ll see you guys again.”

The wind howled outside and you shivered as if you were standing out there in the cold. There was so much that you wanted to say, but all the thoughts you had in your head melded together into sludge. Words struggled to leave your mouth. Nothing processed correctly in your brain.

Seokjin wasn’t joking - not this time. He really was going to be swamped in work and work and more work. Even the holidays were going to be crammed, and you were sure he wanted to use those rare rest periods solely to recharge.

Yes, he would still be able to text and call everyone, but that would be the extent of communication. He wasn’t big on social media. Even if he was, there would certainly be a dip in his activity now.

Just like you felt earlier, you really did feel like you were going through a breakup again. Only this time, the last remains of your relationship were at stake.

You didn’t want that.

“We’d still be friends,” you weakly offered, wondering if you were just saying that to convince yourself.

An empty chuckle startled you, and when you looked at Jin, he directed an empty gaze toward his nightstand’s lamp. “Yeah… We’d still be friends,” he repeated, and the way he said that made your shoulders sag. It was almost as if he didn’t believe you.

“But Seokjin… You should be so happy. I mean, you’re incredible,” you whispered, a heavy feeling weighing down your chest.

“What if I’m not?”

You sucked in a breath, suddenly not knowing what to do. Was he saying that hypothetically? No. There wouldn’t be a reason for him to ask if he truly was.

How were you supposed to respond to that? Being a doctor was his goal - you were sure of it. If he got accepted into Harvard of all places, then his future glimmered as bright as his charm. “What do you mean,” was what you decided to say. Because you needed more from him than that.

“You said I should be happy. What if I’m not?”

“This is what you’ve been working towards your whole life!” It didn’t make any sense. None of this was making any sense. Who wasn’t happy that they got accepted to one of the most prestigious medical programs in the world? “You did everything you could, and now you have something to show for it! We even broke up over this. And that’s fine,” you quickly added at the end. You didn’t want Seokjin to feel bad for that at all.

“What I’m trying to say is,” you continued, wanting to get every logical word out before more irrational ones escaped. “You’ve gotten everything you wanted. You deserve to be happy.”

You could feel the doors of your heart scraping shut. Even if you wanted to try to be with him again, you would have to give up on that dream. There was no way it was going to work if it didn’t pan out last time.

Fists clenched, you hated how your heart gravitated towards Seokjin on this damn trip, loathed how your brain produced its own highlight reel. Somehow, they both knew this was the end before you did.

“I don’t have everything I want, but you’re right. I’ll be happy.” He sounded bitter. Why did he sound so bitter?

“What more could you want,” you blurted, the question materializing between the two of you in bold letters. You were just getting frustrated at this point.

This was his dream. The ultimate goal. The one thing he wanted out of life.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.”

“Well, it’s none of your concern.”

“I don’t care if it is or not.”

“You really want to know?” Seokjin shot off the bed, immediately towering over your small stature. As your eyes reached his face, you watched as his lips twisted, your shocked features taking in his frustration. “It’s… It’s love, okay? That might sound weird to you, but I’ve realized that all of this is pointless without it. That’s what I’m missing. I want to love again.” He shoved a hand through his hair, his forehead slightly wrinkling under duress.

The first thing that threw you off was the mere mention of the word. That was so brave of him to even bring it up. With you, of all people: someone he’s dated before. It must have taken so much courage for him to admit that.

But there was another word in there that stood out amongst all the others.

Again. He said again. Did he love someone before? He couldn’t have been referring to what you guys had. You never once said those words to each other while you dated. So who was he thinking of? And why did it hurt to know that he had loved before and it wasn’t you?

“I didn’t know you wanted that,” you replied, your voice painfully small. “But I don’t think it’s weird.”

You wanted nothing more than to just confess to him already, but you had no clue what he would say if he didn’t want something with you. The moment escaped like a thief in the night.

“Ah, well, if you knew the whole story,” Seokjin sighed, his breath shaky, “You would definitely think it’s stupid.”

“Why did it end the first time?” You wanted to get to the bottom of it. Maybe through his explanation, you could find something salvageable. You cared about him - so damn much. Seeing him in a state of utter helplessness seized your heart and gripped it tight. “With the one you… you loved. What happened?”

Seokjin’s indiscernible stare pierced through your soul, his silence screaming that he didn’t want to talk about it.

And you understood his reluctance. The list of activities to do with an ex didn’t include this as an option, either.

You felt the steely aftertaste of guilt on your tongue. Maybe he wanted you to just leave him alone already. Besides, you already pushed him to tell a multitude of truths that night. Asking him about a past love life was most likely crossing the line. “I’m sorry,” you apologized, uprooting yourself from your spot to leave. “You don’t have to tell me. I’ll leave you alone.”

You made it three steps before Seokjin responded, “She decided to end it.”

A vice clamped your chest. You stood in your new spot closer to the door, eyes boring into the floor. “Even though you were in love?”

That must have been awful. If you loved him when you two broke it off, it would have absolutely hurt. Very much like what was happening to you now, in fact. Because fuck, were you absolutely disintegrating like a paper on fire.

“I don’t think she loved me,” Seokjin disclosed, his words tightening the clasp around your lungs. “But I loved her.”

“I’m so sorry, Seokjin.” Tears brimmed across your eyes, but you didn’t want him to see you break. You thrummed with so many emotions in that moment, swept by the current of his words, his heavy tribulations.

He loved someone in the past. You loved him in the present. If only you both harbored a love for each other in at least one point in your lives.

“That must have been hard.”

“It wasn’t, for the most part.” His brittle words crumbled as they appeared. “I saw it coming.”

You chewed on your lip. Seokjin’s confessions were so full of pain - the amount of love he had for this person was obvious. Looking back on your relationship, you remember your split being mutual. It was mutual, right? There weren't any feelings involved. Whichever other situation Seokjin was referring to had to be sometime after you.

Maybe it was someone during his college days. But wouldn’t you have at least heard about them through the friend circle? Their name must have just left your mind. You knew Seokjin flirted a lot but he needed to be serious to really start a relationship. This one just sounded tragic.

“I don’t know what to say,” you admitted sincerely, your chest about ready to collapse, “Other than don’t give up. You can do it. Love again.” The joints in your knees threatened to give out. Telling the one you loved that he could find someone again was too much. Too, too much.

“Ah, yeah. Well.” Seokjin turned away from you in a shrug. Even the back of his profile was perfect. “Thanks for being a good, uh, friend.”

Friend. Could you teleport to your room and stay there? You couldn’t be the one to give him what he wanted, especially since he was about to be gone for a very long time. No matter how much you wanted to. Oh, how you wanted to.

You swung around to face the door once again. Critical words almost freed themselves from your lips, but you held them back, swallowed them down. “I’ll always be your friend.”

Head storming, you commended yourself for keeping your voice level. The tears were able to recede - which relieved you, since you wanted to make it through the rest of the conversation with dry eyes. With one tiny head shake, you whispered, “Let’s get some sleep, okay? I don’t want us to ruin the rest of this trip. Like you said before, we have to make it the best one.”

Seokjin got up and made his way over to you, and you turned around with a fresh face once you knew he was close enough. The smile he wore was manufactured, but you didn’t want to pry. Instead, you repeated your advice as you both approached his door. Because you wanted him to understand. “Seriously. Don’t give up, you hear me?”

“Don’t give up,” he echoed as he pulled on the handle, like you were just giving him directions. He stilled for a moment in deep concentration before looking your way. Dark eyes bore into yours and you could almost hear them speak, but he gave one final nod and vowed, “Okay.”

Little striations met you again when you gave Seokjin’s closed room one last look, and you swore they regarded you with pity. Finally breaking, you let your tears fall the whole way back to your floor, wishing to be made into a sturdy tree in your next life so you never had to feel that way again.

The next morning found all nine friends situated in various places around Seokjin’s room. You thought it amusing that the boys never really settled for normal seats, always choosing a table or windowsill perch instead. As an avid fan of the floor yourself, apparently, you were once again plopped on the ground in front of the sofa. Only this time, you weren’t drowning in the depths of your past.

“Looks like the snow piled up high last night, so we might not be able to use the cars,” Namjoon observed after his long fingers created a tiny crack in the curtains. His argyle sweater blended in with the burgundy fabric and the sight put a small smile on your face.

The action surprised you since you spent the whole night swathed in a blanket of regret, your arms caging your ribs in an attempt to stopper your bleeding heart. If only you were so bold as to allow a confession to fall from your lips. Three words to solve two peoples’ problems.

But the risk involved was too high. The hurt following an unrequited love confession would haunt you through every sunrise and sunset.

Jungkook’s exasperated voice sliced through your thoughts. “What are we gonna do then?” You glanced at him right as he threw himself onto Seokjin’s bed, bouncing the other two occupants like buoys amongst waves.

“What we can do: stay in,” Yoongi responded while repositioning himself against the headboard.

Taehyung’s sigh mingled with Rin’s tsking noise, Jungkook’s deeper groan almost in harmony with the both of them. Their melancholic concerto almost pulled a laugh out of you, but the next suggestion came from Hoseok, “I brought some board games we could play. Cards, too.”

Seokjin quickly shot him a look. “You don’t play board games. Or games. Or cards. Actually, what do you do?”

“I look after all of you.” Hoseok’s head always bobbed when he spoke to accentuate his points. “Hence why I brought board games and cards just in case!”

You couldn’t refute the man’s claims, either. Hoseok always made sure everyone packed what they needed before trips but brought extra stuff in the event that the group needed something else. Helping was just part of his nature. Yesterday was one example. Rin got the snacks last night, but you were sure he would have woken up at any point in time to be your comfort food delivery man. If being a leader were a sport, Hoseok would be the dark horse that you never saw coming until they finished first. Then you couldn’t deny their talent and skill.

Taehyung didn’t let the dark horse live, though. “Thanks, hyung. Did you pack a snowblower, too?”

Rin’s laugh could always be heard amongst your friends, but not because she was a girl. Hers was just so distinct and heartwarming, like a cozy throw or the thought of cookies in the oven. It was only slightly better than Jimin’s.

Speaking of which: Jimin was eerily quiet throughout the whole meeting, his gaze lingering on you more than once. You noticed it ever since you burst into Seokjin’s room and lauded the man’s scholastic advancement. Which couldn’t be helped. No matter how painful last night’s conversation was, you still wanted him to know how proud you were. After all, a person could be sporting a dagger through their heart but still have love to give.

You didn’t know why Jimin was acting strange. The big secret was unveiled but you would come to terms with it. Was he afraid of how you would be feeling? Or was he just sympathizing with you because he assumed you weren’t exactly fine? Talking to him later to iron things out was going to be essential. The multiple glances he threw your way proved too much.

“I have a pamphlet we can look through,” you responded, waving it in the air like a white flag. The decision to bring it just in case proved to be the right one, even if Rin threw a small fit from having to fumble through her bag for the room key again. Warmth from the thick hoodie swallowing both your body and your bent legs validated the first time you went back into your room.

Rin stuck her tongue out at you but smiled right after in her best Sour Patch Kid impression. Cute. You breathily laughed before unfolding the flimsy paper. Shifting your eyes along the colorful pages, you started listing out the lodge activities. “Okay, so we have… Kayaking: no. Lake yoga: no. Mountain biking: no…”

Even though the lodge boasted a huge amount of things to do, the majority of them required there to not be four billion inches of snow outside. Only a few remained, and majority rules determined ski slopes the winner.

The only issue with the slopes was that they only allowed groups of three at a time. To remedy this, groups were formed and a rotation was set based on a heated tournament of rock-paper-scissors. And while Hoseok didn’t play board games, cards, or even video games, he seemed to be a pro at that.

He picked Seokjin and Yoongi for his group, and they were going out first, to the eldest’s horror. You saw his anxiousness coming from miles out - tackling snow with one board was much more up his alley than tackling it with two.

Next, Jungkook chose Namjoon and Jimin since he wanted to somehow “win” on the slopes. They gave him much grief for that.

And that left you with Rin and Taehyung, but they wanted to check out the spa area first, so your group was going to catch up later.

Which wasn’t ideal for you. You wanted to watch Seokjin ski. Or really, you just wanted to see him as much as possible before the trip ended. Seok in his presence, like he said. Maybe being pruny in this case was a beautiful thing.

Room Service knocking on the door interrupted your thoughts, and Jimin let them in to serve the breakfast Seokjin ordered for everyone prior. While the dishes were distributed, the group was already firing bets and insults and digs at each other as if a clear winner would emerge outside. And you welcomed every bit of their energy. Chewing on food while basking in everyone’s competitive nature was enough of a distraction from your woes. At least, until you caught Jimin deep in thought again.

The spa was decent, so you three ended up staying for almost an hour. Both the sauna and facial massage served to ease the thick layer of tenseness under your skin. If only you could transport yourself into a cloud of steam every time you thought about Seokjin. Maybe that would’ve helped with the anxiousness and guilt you felt every time you thought about confessing.

And you were grateful for Taehyung tagging along because he really did offer free hugs often. Even while Rin scanned over the receipt for everything you guys did, the man slung a lean arm around your shoulders.

His voice glided over your hair when he leaned in to ask, “How did it go last night?”

You sighed before responding, debating on how to answer him. You decided to take the easy route. “Good. Better than I expected. I just can’t believe it took him that long to tell me! I was so worried this whole time.”

Taehyung squeezed you gently. “Finally. We kept telling him to just admit it already.”

Rin was in the middle of paying when you smiled. Her hair gleamed in the incandescents, and you reached out to touch it as you admitted, “It’s just weird that he wanted to hide that from me.”

“Well, you’re his ex, so he thought it would’ve been awkward.”

A laugh shot out of you, and Taehyung gave you a look. “Seokjin’s so strange. He knows I’ve been rooting for him this whole time. I mean, Harvard? That’s incredible.”

Normally, friends would converse about achievements and be sincerely happy about them. But something else happened in that moment that set alarm bells off in your head. Whether it was Rin becoming a block of ice in front of you, or Taehyung slowly peeling his arm off of your shoulders, you suddenly got a feeling that something wasn’t right.

When Rin spun around to face you, the expression painted on her face reminded you of those Renaissance pieces you saw during one museum date with your ex. Her eyebrows artfully scrunched; her full lips twisted. Was she on the side of the angels, battling demons? Going to war?

No, she was just trying to clarify something. “He didn’t say anything else?”

You gulped. “I mean, yeah?”

“What did he say?” Taehyung furrowed his dark brows, his own face a work of art in itself.

“That his parents are making him move back to Korea when he’s done with his doctorate,” you revealed, suspicious of the both of them and Seokjin now. You kept your tone level to hide any emotions under the surface. “Why, is there more?”

Once again, you were swept under the wave of confusion. The waters there were dark and cold, and you felt like you couldn’t swim to safety this time. It was as if cotton clogged your ears and a thin film coated your vision. You didn’t even register Taehyung furiously typing on his phone while Rin led you all out of the spa’s reception area.

“Do you want there to be more,” was all she offered before sitting you down on an earthly toned loveseat. The fluffy rug under your shoes snagged most of your attention.

“I don’t know how to answer that, but I guess not,” you finally grunted, feeling angrier and angrier from being left in the dark again. Comparable to a disease, this dangerous feeling was taking over you, trickling into your veins drop by black drop. “Honestly, I kinda just want to go back to the room until we meet for dinner. Whatever you guys are hiding is starting to piss me off.”

“Let’s go,” Rin agreed, urging you to get up and follow her to the room. But you shook her off.

“I’ll go by myself.” Buzzing with anger, you shuffled through your bag to grip your key. “Just let me be alone for a bit.”

Taehyung looked absolutely livid, but he nodded along with Rin. You didn’t watch the two of them share a knowing glance as you drug your crumpling form to the stairs, hoping pieces of you didn’t crumble off before you reached your temporary bed.

From the moment your tired bones hit your comforter, time traveled at a strange pace. You didn’t know how long you spent lying prone on the sheets, your head lolled towards the window. Watching the light snowfall outside did nothing to bring you out of your dark space.

Being left out, confused, and feeling betrayed left you mentally drained. How long were you going to feel like this? Like you were just going to keep being lied to? Maybe you weren’t outwardly lied to, but omitting something was still considered a lie. The truth was still held captive and you couldn’t even pay it a visit.

Rin and Taehyung reacted strongly to what you said. That had to mean whatever else Seokjin was supposed to say to you was big. You weren’t stupid. At least, that’s what you concluded.

But what if you were this time?

You loathed this feeling. You hated being looked at with pity. Even Rin knew what was left unsaid this time, so you were truly alone in the dark.

A dark monster within you rose to life, and you ripped yourself from the sheets. Snatching your coat from the couch, you jerked your arms inside, striding toward your door with purpose. A ball of fury, you were determined to march up the slopes and confront Seokjin. Everything was getting ridiculous.

Tugging the door open, you flinched at the figure waiting on the other side. A brief moment of silence and bewilderment and worry washed over you, quelling a small part of your harbored anger. “What happened to you?”

Seokjin stood in front of you wrapped in his puffy coat, hair in disarray and a small gash on his cheek. His nose was red with the cold and a small cut, and his eyes looked as if he had been holding back tears. Tears? Was he crying? Even now, it seemed like a few were threatening to fall as his gaze lowered. A ghost of a voice wafted from his mouth as he replied, “Jimin.”

You winced. Remembering the glances the younger man gave you this morning, you should have seen a conflict brewing. Your friend wasn’t lying when he said he’d give Seokjin hell. Something must have broken out when they were on the slopes, or anytime you weren’t there with them. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

If you didn’t have that revelation with Rin and Taehyung, you would have been absolutely thrown by Seokjin’s appearance and the cause of it. But it seemed that both groups found out what he told you last night and neither were pleased with the result. What that result was, you couldn’t determine yet. But based on your own categories, “I got into Harvard” and “I’m moving back to Korea” fit in the Should Know box. The Deserved to Know box was still accepting applications.

“Come in.” Your fury had to simmer on a proverbial stove for the time being. “I have a first aid kit in my bag.”

You hurried him into the room before making a beeline for your duffle. The adrenaline built while you were fired up was still thrumming your bones like guitar strings. Nothing more was said as your bag crinkled with your rummaging, even though you wanted to just wring answers from his neck already.

But you couldn’t. You needed a moment to collect your thoughts, both the past woes you were fighting and your current worries.

As Jin awkwardly stood in front of your bed, you kept pondering. What the hell happened out there? How did it end up in a physical altercation? Did Jin fight back? It was already obvious Jimin initiated it, but you wondered if he sported any bruises, too. Not from Seokjin, though. Because you couldn’t ever see him throwing a punch. You were more curious about someone like Yoongi. The elder one was incredibly protective of Jin.

When you found the kit, you spun around to start tending to your ex’s face. “Bed,” you ordered, pointing towards yours with the first aid box. Your tone was harsh, but you weren’t holding it back.

The man was silent as he delicately sat on the comforter, and you instantly noticed how he refused to look at you still.

No matter. Treating his cuts was a priority, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to force him into confrontation right after. Seokjin wasn’t going to have a choice.

Perching yourself next to him, you propped one leg up to steady yourself, clicking open the small kit next to you. It wasn’t as fancy as the one he carried along, but it housed the basics. Fetching some antiseptic and cotton first, you told him to turn towards you so that you could start.

And despite your anger, your exasperation, your frustration, the hands you lifted to Seokjin’s face were nothing but calm.

Throughout the time you dusted his cuts, you kept your gaze on his cheek, his mouth, his nose. A wall erected around you that you refused to take down. After all of the hurt Seokjin had caused, the turmoil he had put you through, it was pertinent you wouldn’t let him in. You had your soldiers’ arrows at the ready, directed right at his wounded face.

But if you so much as flitted your gaze toward his eyes, your walls would crumble to dust. Your gates would slam open in surrender.

Because having him this close to you after all this time was like coming home. And you harbored that feeling ever since the scent of his cologne consumed you. Your face hovered inches from his, your fingers gently pressing his features. All of the nights you yearned to be this close were so lonely and cold, and his warmth was tugging your heart by multiple strings.

His looming absence was hitting you deeply then. If you gave in only to lose him again, the pain would surely hollow out your soul until you were a mere shell of yourself. You wanted nothing more than to sink into the mattress and slip down into the soil underneath the lodge.

Suddenly, a hand cradled your cheek, and you shook on impact. Without thinking, you locked eyes with Jin, and it was then that you realized he was wiping hot tears from your face.

“If I’m the reason for these,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Something strangled escaped you, and you finally caved. “You are,” you exhaled, unable to stop the tears from falling. “You really are.”

You tore yourself from the bed, instantly feeling the lingering warmth of his fingers fade. A chasm was created between you two: your chest heaving on one side and his face crumbling on the other. The mountain of thoughts and feelings you created broke down under pressure, emotions roaring down its slopes in a cathartic avalanche. “I’ve been looking like a fool this whole trip, and apparently everyone is feeling so fucking sorry for me. Why can’t you just tell me everything? What did Yoongi mean? What do I deserve to know? You told me you got into Harvard and have the audacity to say you aren’t happy? What the hell is that about? We’re supposed to be friends, so why am I feeling like you’re letting that all go?” You choked on your tears and clasped a hand over your mouth, a burn blossoming in your chest from the dry sobs.

Seokjin’s eyes ringed with a burgeoning shade of pink, both of his pupils glossed in guilt. “I’m not… I’m not letting that go, but--”

“But what, Seokjin,” you gritted out, “Please stop and just tell me already.”

“But I was too scared,” he admitted, “I’m still scared.”

“Why are you scared?” The question drifted to his face, and you could tell he was struggling to answer even that one. It pained you to be this close yet so far from the answer.

“Why are you scared, Seokjin,” you whispered again, realizing that his hands were shaking.

“Because…” You watched as he clenched them on his thighs, and he struggled to get the words out. “Because it’s going to happen again.”

Enough with the obscurity. Frustration reached a boiling point. “What’s going to happen again?”

“Exactly what happened last time!” Seokjin declared as his eyes pleaded with you, eyebrows furrowed and kneeling in anguish. The skin encasing his watery eyes remained that same dusty shade of affliction.

You couldn’t for the life of you understand what he was saying, until you remembered last night. When you asked him about the time he loved before.

Wait.

Your hand made a slow descent from your face as you matched Seokjin’s stare. A million words skittered across your eyes, transforming into liquid and sliding down your skin. You were sure you looked an absolute wreck with your tear-stained cheeks and reddened nose, but that didn’t concern you at all. The only thing you could hang onto was Jin’s words, just short of a confession.

But you had to be sure. You weren’t settling for five words that could mean a thousand other things while arranged the same way. “The one from before,” you more stated than questioned, “Where is she now.”

Seokjin never broke his gaze, doing an incredible job of keeping tears at the edges of his eyes. Heavy breaths caused his chest to swell with each pass. Voice low, he finally, finally caved, “She’s the one on the polaroid I have in my room.”

The entire conversation from last night struck you like a freight train. So many realizations hit you at once and you didn’t know how your trembling legs were keeping you upright.

It was you. He was talking about you.

Your coat smothered your limbs like a cage, your whole being rattling inside like an animal starved.

That was what he was truly hiding from you. That was what he had buried deep down into his chest. And you couldn’t blame him one bit after you realized it was exactly what you were holding from him, too.

No matter the reason, you still kept your own truth hidden. It occurred to you then that you couldn’t be angry - that would just be hypocrisy. There was bravery in confession, and even more so to someone you no longer were allowed to feel that way about.

You were the one that forced the truth out of Seokjin, and now you only felt like a coward.

Movement in front of you snapped your vision back into focus. He was getting up to leave. Why was he leaving?

“I knew this would happen,” he said, his voice strained. “I’ll go. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.”

Oh. He assumed your silence was from guilt. Guilt that you didn’t feel the same. And he was about to walk out with that egregious misconception. What an absolute fool.

But no matter how hard you tried, the words wouldn’t budge from the back of your teeth.

You had two choices here. One, you told him. You laid everything out and you admitted that you felt the same. Then tomorrow, he would leave your life and you may not see him again for years. And you tried this before - being in two separate schools and living different lives while holding onto your relationship. It obviously didn’t work last time, and you still saw him from time to time. This situation would be a thousand times harder.

Which brought you to the second option: you let him go. You let him leave without telling him how you felt. Rip the bandage off right there and then. Leave him to pursue his dream, and with that the freedom to go and find someone else to love. Was that what you wanted? Was this your own sick version of loving him? All the villains in the universe would applaud you as you lied to his face while telling him not to give up. How fucking cruel would that be?

“Seokjin,” you called out, and your chest subtly heaved when he turned to stone by the door. His broad back remained still as you took a step towards him, and only after you roamed your eyes over his shoulders did you notice small movements. But he didn’t face you. It was almost as if he didn’t want to.

Agony consumed your entire being as you made your decision.

You shut your eyes, clenched your jittering fingers into hard fists.

“See you at the campfire,” you whispered, your voice unfamiliar even to yourself.

The only response you got was the soft opening and closing of your door.

Compared to last night’s lion of a snow storm, tonight was but a mere cub. There were small flakes here and there taking their time to descend, and the fixtures from inside the lodge were the only light source beside the fire pit you were approaching downstairs.

Situated in the center of your friends, the flames danced across their jovial smiles as they passed bottles around. The drinks weren’t the lodge’s, but the ones you all brought and snuck out of the rooms - the telltale green glass was enough of a hint.

After Seokjin left, it took you a couple minutes to let everything out, and about thirty minutes crying into Rin’s shoulder once she witnessed your crumpled form on the floor. She listened to your recap of the conversation and Jin’s final secret, and through broken sobs you told her you couldn’t tell him yours. When she asked why, you told her your reasoning. When she called you an idiot, you wholeheartedly agreed and cried even harder.

But you still stuck with your decision. It was for the best. You loved him so much that you wanted what was best for him, and that was to let you go.

“Promise me one thing,” Rin murmured, earning a nod from you. “Only go through with it if you know you won’t regret it.”

A sharp pain sliced through you then, but you acquiesced. “I won’t.”

She then grabbed your Polaroid from the bed. It was Namjoon’s idea to bring it to the campfire once he heard you brought it on the trip. “Are you okay with this?”

“Yeah,” you gulped, regarding the old piece of the past with heavy eyes. Seokjin confessed to you with the help of that camera. You weren’t okay with the mere idea of touching it. “Yeah, it’s fine. I want everyone to enjoy themselves tonight, so. Yes.”

Even if that meant you suffered. This was Seokjin’s last trip with everyone, not just you. Why keep them from making good memories just because you were a walking dark cloud?

You reached the bottom of the rickety stairs, the squeaky noises catching the attention of the boys. Most of them raised their bottles to you, but you caught Jin staring at the fire instead.

If you got through this night in one piece, it would be a miracle.

Namjoon stood as you and Rin settled into your seats. “Okay. Since we’re all here now, I say we start.”

As everyone gave their cheers, the eldest just looked confused. “Start what?”

“Something for you,” Yoongi explained, his body already comfortable in his Adirondack. “Since you aren’t joining us for these anymore.”

“Ah, yah,” Seokjin protested, “You don’t need to do anything—”

“Don’t lie, you already love this,” Jimin cut in, all smiles despite the companion bruises and cuts on his face to Jin’s. “Although, your opinion may change in a second.”

Jungkook paused his leg bouncing to shout, “Let hyung explain!”

You smiled as the group settled, but noticed that Jimin was looking at you strangely. You didn’t have time to process it, though, since Namjoon headed things off while a bottle rested against his chest, “Jin-hyung. We just want you to know that we’re proud of you. Even though we may not see you for awhile, you’ll be in our hearts and on our minds. Starting tomorrow, you’re already Dr. Kim to us, so I say we all call you by name tonight.”

Laughter and claps filled the air, drowning out Seokjin’s weak protests.

Namjoon cleared his throat to calm the air, and you watched small flakes catch in his hair as he continued, “We’ll each do two things: give you advice, and ask for advice. Since you’re clearly educated, we figured you’d have a lot to say.”

“Oh, I’m just lucky.”

“And keep sharp, everyone. Miss Photographer over there will be taking pictures.” Namjoon nodded at you, and you gave a short smile while holding up the Polaroid. You were fine doing this; behind the lens was your safe space.

The boys and Rin slowly got through their questions and advice, and you were shocked by how insightful Seokjin was being. You never truly realized the magnitude of his intelligence. Every person around the campfire hung on his every word, and it didn’t help that you all took a swig after every good point he made - many, many times. You diligently fired away on your camera, making sure to get Seokjin with everyone so they could all have a moment captured with him.

When Jimin’s turn came, he shot you a glance before looking at your ex. “Jin. That sounds weird to say. Jin-hyung.” He looked at the ground before continuing, and you knew it was to compose himself. “My advice to you… Sorry,” he buried his head in his elbow for a brief moment. Yoongi looked away.

“I kinda gave you advice already,” Jimin trudged on, “And you took it. So, my next piece of advice would be to, uh, keep going.”

You were rooted to your chair. Seokjin didn’t spare you a single glance during that exchange, but you knew it was about you. It had to be how he ended up at your door earlier. He even said Jimin was the one responsible for his wounds.

“Thank you, Jimin,” Jin replied. “As for my advice to you, it’s okay to let people figure things out on their own. You don’t have to put it on yourself to be the one that keeps people together. If something ends up breaking, you’re going to think it’s your fault.”

Jimin regarded him with watery eyes before nodding and wiping his freezing tears. And when he looked your way, he saw you only looking at Seokjin. Your face was slowly cracking, and the shadows in your facade were exacerbated by the flames.

It was your turn; everyone else went. The Polaroid felt like a boulder on your thighs.

You blinked before setting the camera down and clutching your bottle. Since Seokjin was on the other side of the fire, you had to stand to see him, your tenseness on full display.

What could you possibly say in that moment that he wanted to hear? That he was willing to listen to? You were certain you took his heart and slammed it into the ground earlier. It would be better if you just didn’t say anything.

“Seokjin,” you started, pausing to collect yourself. “My advice to you is to forget the advice I gave you before.”

Several pairs of eyes looked at you then. Even Jin finally regarded you, the most aware of what you were referring to.

“What I’m trying to say is: it’s okay to give up sometimes, because not everything that you want to happen is going to happen. There will be times you will just have to let things go. And that’s okay. Because maybe letting things go would end up for the best.”

Jimin’s eyes bore into your soul. He sat so still that it put all the statues throughout history to shame.

Seokjin grabbed his bottle with both hands, elbows resting on his knees. “Interesting advice.” His eyes danced as they took in the warm flames. “I might even follow it.”

Both of your lungs threatened to give out at his words. Your hands almost dropped the glass you were barely clinging to, but you never looked away from Jin. It was as if your attention was chained to his body, your soul weighed down by his earlier confession and now his possible break.

If he followed your advice, shouldn’t you be happy? It’s what you wanted in the end, right? You would let him go, and he wouldn’t look back.

Snow drifted onto everyone’s chairs and the fire crackled in front of you. A small breath left you in a wisp of white. Warmth did its best to help you, but the cold was too strong. No amount of fire in the world could melt your icy conscience - you truly left Seokjin in the dark. He practically admitted that he loved you, and in return you gave him nothing. Of course he would consider your advice.

“But I like the sound of not giving up. It has a ring to it that exists beyond the sound it makes when someone says it,” he cut himself off, the silence deafening. Inside, bells rang in your head. What was he implying? Seokjin’s voice was as clear as blue skies when he continued, “So, I guess I’m stealing your advice and giving it to everyone here.”

Your gaze shifted to the side as everyone turned towards Seokjin. This was something you weren’t prepared to digest. Settling back down into your chair, you tried to even out your breathing and neutralize your shaking fingers.

Your feelings were warring with each other in a confusing battle. If you wanted him to follow your advice, why were you relieved when he said he liked not giving up? Did that mean you hoped he still waited for you? Years and years and years from now?

“Take it from me: don’t give up,” he advised. “But what I mean by that is to not give up until you’re happy.”

Guilt squeezed your eyes shut, clamping your lids down. He was going to wait. Love was the one thing he wanted to be happy. And you held your love for him tightly in your hands, behind your back and hidden from sight.

But even still, in the midst of your silent rejection, this man wasn’t letting go. Without saying the words, Seokjin was going to wait for you. Because he still loved you.

This was too hard.

“To being happy,” Jimin boisterously cheered, startling everyone and causing your bones to rattle. His glass remained high in the air, and everyone joined in with their own proclamations.

“To being happy,” you whispered alongside the others, quickly taking a swig.

Yoongi was the next one to pipe up as he declared, “Okay, now that all that’s done, let’s just drink for fuck’s sake.”

Amongst the laughter and “thank god”s thrown about, you quickly downed the rest of your drink like it was your lifeline. You needed more than liquid courage to get through the rest of the night. The camera by your feet was snatched up by Jungkook before Taehyung could get to it, and you prayed to every higher power that they kept it in one piece.

As everyone made their way back to their rooms, you noticed Seokjin joking and laughing with the others like normal. It was a continuation of the rest of the night, since after the advice conversation it was nothing but fun. Your Polaroid almost ran out of film, for one, but watching everyone fight over the photos was entertainment in itself. There were digs toward Jin until he turned red, jabs thrown at Jimin’s fragile emotional state, and Rin’s warm laughter coating everything in a soft glow.

And it was a bittersweet event. There was nothing more you wanted than to capture that moment and place it in a snowglobe. The world wouldn’t interfere with your friends, and none of you would ever leave.

Seokjin was about to head up the stairs to tuck in for the night. Full of soju and stupidity, you blurted, “Leaving already?”

He stilled before turning toward you. “Oh. Yeah.” He regarded you with a look you couldn’t completely decipher. “Long day tomorrow.”

“Right,” you replied, hating the sudden hollowness you felt. Or didn’t feel.

“Well… Good night.” Seokjin tapped the banister twice before heading up, and you softly wished him good night before speedwalking to your room. You were only tipsy, so the fast trip didn’t bother you. The camera in your hands kept your center balanced the whole way back.

By some strange miracle, you kept it together the whole time after everyone’s campfire speeches. You imagined yourself as an ice sculpture, surrounded by the guests of honor. Everyone gave you a glance and thought nothing else of you. They could only see composure and poise. Only when they got closer could they see you slowly melting, rivulets of remorse cascading down your entire frame.

Rin was in the middle of her skincare routine when you entered your room. As soon as she heard your footsteps, she made a noise indicating she had something to say. The product around her mouth didn’t let her yet, though. Which meant you had to wait.

You stood in the doorframe of the bathroom, vision spinning just a smidge. This was probably a talk you didn’t want to have, but you gave your friend her podium. It was only fair. Her serious talks were few and far between.

But she didn’t have much to say when she finished getting ready for bed. In fact, she only said three sentences.

“It’s 11 o’clock,” she stated plainly, her tone indicating she was done with the calmer approach. Bluntness was more her style.

“Okay?”

“We leave at 7 in the morning.”

“And?”

“It means you have eight hours to decide how you’re going to feel for the next ten years.”

Silence.

All you could respond with was silence.

Dead air. Sober. You were sober now. In that moment, you may have held your breath for a century. Too many thoughts flooded your brain, from past memories at a carnival to future images of an empty apartment with a bed fit for one.

It was stark. Blank. There wasn’t going to be a future with Seokjin, no matter what you said.

But when Rin put it that way, would you feel better if he knew the truth? Or would you keep this idiotic stance and lock your feelings away forever?

For the third time that night, your fingers rattled. Rin took them into her comforting palms.

“Go,” she murmured, and she smiled as she witnessed you burst into the hall.

Your strides were incredibly long as you hurried down the corridor. The doors blurred on either side of your vision, the pattern of the floor elongated with your fast pace. Your camera thudded into your chest over and over. Step after step after step got faster and faster as your anxiousness bubbled into your brain. The last turn before the stairs made you skid, and you rushed up the rickety steps. Your heart was thrumming, scratching at your chest to set it free.

When you got to his door, you were certain you woke sleeping neighbors with your rapid knocking. But you couldn’t stop yourself. Nothing could possibly stop you now.

You had no plan. There wasn’t time to think. All you wanted was to see him. All you could think about was letting everything out. Eight hours. You had eight hours.

Seokjin tugged the door open, pausing mid-swing when he saw your face. He looked so beautiful. Full of warmth. Like home.

“Jinnie.”

You didn’t mean to call him that, but you didn’t take it back. You weren’t taking anything back anymore. His eyes roamed over your features multiple times, searching for any indication that this was a dream. But it wasn’t. The words finally slipped from your lips.

“I’m not following your advice. Or my own.”

His eyebrows furrowed, but you pushed on.

“I’m giving up. But I’m giving up because I can’t let you go.” When Seokjin stared at you, it was impossible to look away.

His response came out in a rush, “What are you… what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I love you.” You huffed out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Damn it, I— I just love you. I love you so much it hurts.”

A shaky exhale left you at the look on his face. The quick descent into realization formed in the corners of his eyes, tears pooled at the edges before quickly streaming down his cheeks, collecting at the crux of his chin. Glassy orbs bore straight into your soul in search of answers, of truth. And if he wanted those answers, you already admitted the biggest one, so words were easier to come by.

“I’ve felt this way ever since our trip last year,” you started, slowly inching toward the wreck of a man. Not like you fared any better with the streaks forming on your own cheeks. “And I know it’s the stupidest thing to tell you now since you’re leaving, and we failed at long distance before, but--”

Seokjin breathed out your name, and his next words would stay imprinted in your mind forever. “I still want to try. And I’ll try as many times as you’ll let me.”

“I know. I know that now,” you whispered.

Passion and warmth bloomed in your chest, spiraling out into the far reaches of your limbs. Hundreds of nights imagining him accepting you again didn’t prepare you for this feeling. Nothing was holding you back; your walls came crashing down.

You finally broke and shielded your face in your hands, and you felt sturdy arms shield you from the world. The cruel, beautiful world that brought you two together right before he disappeared from your life again. You cried, and sobbed, and wheezed. The elation from his confession only magnified the pain of his departure.

You felt the weight of the Polaroid leave your chest as Seokjin lifted it from your neck. “Come inside,” Seokjin whispered into your hair, earning a hiccup from your chest. “Please.”

It was only then that you noticed you were still out in the hall. A small nod from you was all he needed to guide you into his room, and your throat constricted at the bags lying open on the bed.

Seokjin was already packing. Packing while thinking he was going to go through the same thing he went through last time. You felt absolutely sick. How could you even think of doing this to him? If there was a way to make it all up to him, you would do it. “I didn’t want to tell you before,” you confessed, burying your nose into his chest. “But that was wrong of me. You almost left without knowing. I’m so sorry.”

Strong, lean fingers traveled through your hair as your camera was placed on a table. The heavy clunk it made reached your ears, and a whisper followed. “I didn’t want to tell you, either. You don’t need to apologize.”

“If I told you earlier, we would’ve had more time. Now I’m just sad.”

“Look at me.” Jin caressed the back of your head, naturally lifting your gaze. His watery eyes took yours in, and he leaned forward to kiss the top of your hair. “We still have tonight, so if we’re going to be sad, let’s wait until after.”

“But you’re crying, too,” you observed, feeling slightly better from his words. How Seokjin was able to have that effect on you, you would never understand.

A light huff from him made you melt. “That’s because I’m so happy,” he confessed, softly laughing again and wiping his eyes with both hands.

He was happy. Seokjin was happy. You looked at the growing smile under his fingers, and you had no choice but to grin and join in his laughter.

Not because it was funny. But because it was unbelievable. You were able to gift him the last piece he was missing - he was finally able to find that happiness. How were you about to deny that from him? Now it seemed unfathomable.

When you looked at his hands again, you noticed there were lingering cuts. Worry washing over you, you cradled one in your palms and asked as Seokjin looked at you, “Should I take care of this, too?” Though the man had more than enough knowledge on playground injury care, you still offered because you wanted to be there for him in any possible way.

He replied instantly, “I took care of everything. Jimin, too. You saw him being his usual self earlier.”

“He said he’d give you hell if you didn’t talk to me on this trip. I didn’t think he would go this far, though.” You reached up to run a thumb along the small gash on Seokjin’s cheek, the blood drying into a deep red. “I’ll make him regret it later.”

Jin leaned into your touch, causing sparks in your skin. “Don’t,” he whispered, “He’s the reason I ended up at your door.”

You just nodded and lost yourself in the feel of his soft face. It was incredibly smooth under your fingers, even better than when you held his cheeks all those years ago. To think that this man loved you ever since then, and continued to do so until now, was unbelievable. But it was true, and no amount of words could account for how you felt about that.

Those eyes overflowing with adoration and affection were solely for you, and diving into them felt like being immersed in sunlit waters.

“Can I kiss you?”

The simple question took you by surprise, but you gazed at his lips. They only looked inviting, so who were you to deny him? “Please,” you sighed, and your eyelids closed shut at his pillowy touch.

Color sprang from your heart at his confession, but heat burst from your chest at his kiss. The moment his lips met yours, every worry wrapped around your conscience snapped in two. Vines of doubt, regret, and anxiety withered under the warmth of Seokjin’s touch. It was cleansing. Powerful. Searing.

A hand captured the back of your neck, and Jin took advantage of your gasp by dragging his tongue around the edge of your lips, a wordless plea to let him in. You gave in immediately, leaning forward and deepening the kiss, roping his tongue and eliciting a groan.

Heat rushed between your legs and you echoed his sound with a soft moan of your own. Unwittingly, your hands found their way to Seokjin’s chest and you reveled in the feel of him under the thin material of his shirt. Without breaking your lips from his, you skirted the cotton hem with your fingers.

Jin knew what you wanted, and his grin against your mouth only made you flush with desire. He broke from your lips to fully remove his shirt, and seeing his bare chest wiped the air from your lungs. You could only stare as you took in the lines of his solid build, wondering how the hell he had the time to achieve that look.

Seokjin smirked at your reaction, tossing his top and hauling the bags off his bed while you were taking time to process everything. “Do I need to charge you?”

You shook your empty head like a zombie. Your brain was currently mush, purely focused on the way his muscles rippled and slid against the confines of his skin. “No, don’t. I didn’t bring any money with me.”

Laughter erupted from the other side of the bed. After Seokjin placed the last bag on the floor, he straightened and clarified, “I meant plug you in. You seem to be buffering over there. Low battery?”

“Shut up and get on the bed,” you teased, shrugging off the coat you still had on. You didn’t even get to change since coming in from the campfire.

“Shut up and get on the bed, yes,” Seokjin fired back mercilessly as he sat on the comforter. He knew exactly how to push you. Even though you laughed, you made you way over to him and stood between his legs.

You were silent then. No matter how happy you were, his departure tomorrow was weighing on you. The time you had with him was short.

You wanted to make the most of it. Bringing your hand up to his face, you made sure to lightly skim over his gashes before mapping the rest. You wanted to ingrain every curve, every dip, every feature into memory. Every second was precious. The polaroid you had of him would still be no match for the real thing. If only you could capture the warmth of someone and keep it frozen in time.

Sure fingers clasped your hand, and Seokjin softly pulled you closer. Your first instinct was to rush in and hug him for dear life, and he immediately did the same to you, snatching the breath from your lungs and tugging tears from your ducts. You buried your face into his neck, inhaling his familiar scent and lamenting all the time you spent worrying over the smallest things.

“We don’t have a lot of time,” Seokjin whispered, squeezing your heart.

“I know,” you choked. You didn’t have much else to say.

“I just want to make sure we use it to do what you want.”

You loosened your hold on him, astonished by his consideration. The growing bulge under his pants was more than screaming his wants. You felt it ever since the first kiss. But even still, he wanted to accommodate you. Your needs before his.

It just made you fall for him even more.

Reaching down to skim your fingers along his cock straining against his pants, you hovered your lips over his neck. “I want you,” you whispered before descending upon the smooth expanse of skin and earning a groan.

Without warning, Seokjin tightened his arms around you. In one smooth motion, he effortlessly lifted you to straddle his thighs. You didn’t have time to think as he followed up with grabbing your head, pulling you down for another heated kiss. Your fingers latched onto his shoulders, scraping them when he thrust his tongue into your mouth.

“Don’t do that yet,” he grunted, and you didn’t need to ask why after feeling a twitch in his jeans.

You obeyed for the time being, cupping his neck with both hands. When you rolled your body against his, the hard feel of his stomach made you whimper. It was when you settled back on his hardness that your eyes widened. You were sure he was aching despite his silence. Maybe you could help him out a bit. “Jinnie,” you whispered, a firm hand on his chest, “Lie back for me.”

“I love hearing that again,” Seokjin admitted through a content smile, starting a fire across your cheeks. He leaned back after giving you another peck, and you plucked yourself from his thighs to take your shoes off.

But time was your biggest motivator to strip most of your clothes at that moment - not just your boots. Your pants were first, followed by your sweater, and finally your shirt. The whole time, Seokjin stayed propped on his elbows, watching you intently. He couldn’t hide the adoration in his eyes even if he tried. As he watched you stand there in nothing but your set, he smiled. “You’re beautiful.”

“Thank you,” you whispered in return. “Still not as great as you, though.” You started unbuttoning his jeans before he could defend his stance, and he lifted his lower body to help you shrug them off with his underwear. When Seokjin’s thick cock sprung free, your heart jumped at the sight. It had been so long since you felt it, tasted it, rode it. Was he thinking the same? Taking his velvety length in your hand for the first time in a long time, you felt a burst of confidence at its familiarity and his response.

“Baby,” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Please.”

You didn’t need another word. At the sound of the familiar pet name, you already started hovering over his cock, admiring how pretty it was before diving in. Licking around the head, you used the slick to glide your mouth far down his shaft, rolling your hand along the bottom to coat the rest.

Seokjin jolted at the sudden pleasure, and you felt a pang in your heart. You wanted him to remember this night. And you were much more experienced than you were before, though you would only get so much time to prove your growth.

Coming up for air, you used your hand to gather the rest of your spit and slide it down his cock, rubbing it a few times before diving down again. The stilted, garbled noises coming from your filled mouth were even getting your own underwear soaked, but they weren’t a match for Seokjin’s. His delicious grunts and moans sent you close to the edge. They were deeper than you remembered, and he wasn’t one to shy away from showing you how turned on and pleasured he was feeling.

The prominent veins of his cock were the roads along which your tongue traveled, and you made sure to love them all in between stuffing him fully in your warm mouth. He was so big, but you wanted to take every inch, tears welling in your eyes with your efforts.

You fought through even when you felt him rock the back of your throat. Seokjin took that moment to sit up, causing tears to leak fully down your cheeks at the deeper thrust. His hands dove into your hair, but he didn’t force your head down. Instead, they tugged you off his cock, and he gazed down lovingly at your wrecked expression. Jin’s voice dipped an octave and came out coated in sin as he asked, “Can you go a little more for me, beautiful?”

Your body tingled on instinct. You nodded and, when he smiled, you gripped his drenched dick in your fingers before descending your mouth onto his balls. Seokjin bucked his hips forward in a jolt as you grinned, lapping at his salty skin and delighting in the tremulous groans rolling down your back. Your hand squeezed the tip of his shaft before you straightened again, taking his cock captive without pause.

“Shit,” he grunted, his long fingers diving into your hair. His hands still didn’t push you down further, oddly, so you took the initiative and plunged down yourself.

The feel of his cock in your mouth was so familiar. It was almost second nature how easily you sucked him off, knowing when to hollow your cheeks and pull him further down the abyss of ecstasy. When to sink further and hum, ripping a delicious sound from his throat. Even when to bob and swirl your head around, effectively shutting down his ability to function.

It was then that you chose to really bring it home. You breathed through your nose as you took more and more of him in, even after you couldn’t breathe anymore. You felt your nose hit this pubic bone, and the long moan you got from Seokjin was worth the burn in your throat. His fingers tightened around your head, but when you came up gasping for air he didn’t stop you.

“Come here,” is all he said, tugging you up to straddle him again. A trail of saliva swung from your lips as you came up, but you paid it no mind. If anything, it added to the building lust inside your bones. Your panties were absolutely drenched by now, so dragging your core along Seokjin’s cock caused both of you to twinge. “Fuck,” he gasped, fueling your heat.

“Jinnie, please,” you whimpered, your voice hoarse. You wanted everything from him at once. You were getting impatient, and the overwhelming time pressure was stressing you the hell out. “I need you, please.”

Suddenly, everything stopped as Seokjin cradled your chin and swiped the spit from your lips. “You have me,” he assured you. “You have all of me.” He kissed your nose. “And you’ll have me for a very long time.”

Relenting, you leaned into his touch. “Now is what I’m concerned about.”

“I know,” he agreed before kissing you again. “I just wanted you to know the rest.”

“Okay,” you whispered before capturing his full lips with your own. When you felt him wrapping his arms around you, your heart leaped into your throat. When you felt him shift the both of you to lower you onto the bed, you already knew fresh tears were waiting behind your eyes.

With great care, Jin slipped your underwear off your smooth legs. Your bra was deftly unhooked next - not without an eyebrow raise from you and a wink from him - and tossed from the bed.

Staring at your naked form, Seokjin appeared completely lost in thought. It got to the point where you felt like covering yourself, but when you attempted to he swiftly denied any insecurity. “Don’t keep this from me,” he whispered. “I want to remember everything.”

You kept it together until then. Something in you broke and you softly choked on a cry. So he was thinking the same as you. This was the last night for a long time.

Starting from your shoulder, he kissed his way down along your neck, your collarbone, your chest. Taking one breast in one hand, he swirled his tongue around the nipple of the other. You gasped from the sudden burst of pleasure, which made Seokjin repeat the motion on the other side. He then lightly sucked on the nipple, releasing it with a small pop.

You wanted to close your eyes and lose yourself in the waves of pleasure he was giving you, making his way down your body. But you wanted to relive this night again and again. So you had to keep your eyes on him. Only him. His mouth’s searing heat as it kissed along your stomach, and the stark cold left behind when he moved on. His soft touch as he gently pried your legs open, and dark, lust-filled eyes as he stared at your dripping entrance. You wanted to remember the way he kissed along your legs, nipping in some places to make you gasp. The way his beautiful lips connected with your heat in a reverent kiss before his tongue explored inside. Each flick of his tongue, squeeze of his fingers on your legs, noise from his lips. How you loved him through every second of him worshipping you.

As soon as he brought his fingers up to caress your folds while sucking on your clit, you had to stop him. It was too much. You wanted to feel him when you broke.

Seokjin wordlessly obeyed as he crawled above you. You pulled him down for a kiss, not caring how he tasted. Your hands then went to his shoulders as he positioned himself at your entrance.

“Are you still…”

“Yes,” you nodded, touched that he remembered. “I’m still on it.”

“Okay.” He swooped down to capture your lips, and when you clenched your fingers around his shoulders, he grunted. “Are you okay to take it all?”

“Go slow. For now,” you said, earning a nod. “It’s been awhile.”

Seokjin’s gaze was heavy as he prepared himself. “Same.”

At the initial push, you whooshed out a gasp. It had been way too long since you’d been with someone. The intrusion indeed hurt. Maybe you should have let him prep you more, in hindsight. But Seokjin was nothing but tender as he waited for you to adjust. Once you were okay, he steadily pushed out and in again, going deeper. Slowly but surely, you were able to fully take him in.

And the feel of him completely inside you was nothing like you’ve felt before. It was comfort. It was home. It was a perfect fit, and you wanted to stay like that forever.

“God,” Seokjin groaned, “I don’t want to leave this room.”

You chuckled, rolling your hips. “Hmm, pussy or Harvard. That’s a pretty tough one.”

“If it’s yours, Harvard can wait,” Seokjin grunted before sending your thoughts spiraling with a huge thrust. You outright whined at him, but he pulled out only to spear you again with one long motion. “You still like it rough, baby?”

Chills cascaded down your spine and pooled at the apex of your toes. This was the Seokjin you were waiting for. You wondered if he was still into that after witnessing everything he was doing for you beforehand. But oh, were you ready for the pivot. “Fuck, yes,” you moaned. “You know I do.”

“You still have your word?”

“Carousel, yes.”

“Good girl.” That was all Seokjin needed. Grabbing the top of the headboard behind you, he launched into a rough and relentless pace that had you seeing stars. You felt so full, yet so weightless as you let your body go limp. The feel of Seokjin’s cock slamming into you repeatedly would continue to exist for months after tonight, the ridges of it sliding along your walls never forgotten entirely. You needed as much as he could give, and he knew that.

Gripping one of your legs, he hauled it over his sweat-slicked shoulder and tilted himself to reach a deeper position, twisting his reddened face to plant kisses on your ankle. Mewl after mewl tumbled from your lips at the deep thrusts.

“Touch yourself for me, baby,” Jin commanded while still pounding into you, and you wouldn’t dream of disobeying. Your fingers went straight for your jiggling breasts, teasing your nipples and tugging them for his blown out eyes. You moaned, and smirked when you saw Seokjin beginning to lose himself.

His tell was his scrunched eyebrows, and his eyes shifting down to watch his cock ram into your tight cunt. You still knew, after years.

You fell into complete ecstasy when he reached down with his free hand to rub your clit between your bodies, loving the way the veins in his arms protruded. Imagining licking along them all made you moan. And you didn’t care if the people around you heard. All of your mewls, moans, whines - they were all for Jin. He could have all of you again and again.

After one particularly deep thrust, he tugged his cock out, leaving your walls fluttering around an agonizing emptiness. “Turn around. On your knees.”

“Holy fuck, yes,” you rasped. He wasn’t letting the night go to waste at all.

Before you even assumed the next position, you felt a hand come down on your ass. The smack jolted you forward in pain, with pleasure settling in its wake.

“So pretty,” Seokjin whispered, ghosting his hand over the spot he spanked. He gave it another smack before gripping your ass cheeks apart. You assumed he was roving his eyes over your drenched core. “And still so wet.”

“Just for you,” you affirmed.

“Just for me,” he repeated before adjusting his knees on the bed to get closer. “But you might be too loud tonight, baby. I’m going to need silence from you this time.”

Shit. You were never, ever good at this part. But you nodded. What you weren’t expecting right away was the initial stroke to be rough, right down to the hilt. You cried out immediately, earning you a harsh spank.

Seokjin’s sudden laugh made you chuckle in embarrassment. He breathily joked, “Out of practice?”

“Something like that,” you admitted, your elbows and grin lost in the sheets. “I’m rusty.”

“Okay, let’s just do this then.” Jin leaned forward, stretching over you. You groaned at the feel of his solid chest on your soft back, your eyes rolling into your head feeling him completely mold into you for a moment. He got a fluffy pillow from the other side of the bed and let your head rest on it. “Can you bite this for me, my love?”

The new name spread wildfire across your face. “Yes. That I can do,” you assured him. When you had the material securely in your mouth, you nodded to signal he could continue.

“Good girl.” And continue Seokjin did. He went right back into the dominant Jin he loved being, and the one you loved being with. There was no mercy in his thrusts, stroke after stroke after stroke. If you lifted your back a little or lowered your butt, he smacked your supple flesh and corrected you instantly. “Ass up, baby.”

With Jin’s relentless pace, your body went limp and hung on by a thread. Loosening up allowed for even more of his cock, and your muffled moans started getting louder the closer and closer you got to the edge. You could feel your core tightening, threatening to unleash the pent up tension.

“That’s it, beautiful,” Seokjin praised, feeling your walls squeeze around him. “Do you want to come like this?”

You hastily shook your head. You wanted to see him when you came. And if you remembered correctly, he loved seeing your face when it happened, as well.

“Too bad,” he chuckled darkly, and you almost came undone right then. “Guess you’ll have to come again the way you want to later.” Reaching under you, he toyed with your clit as he kept the pace from behind.

You let go of the pillowcase as you kicked your head back in a moan, your saliva trail slowly gravitating toward the sheets. Seokjin only let you breathe for a second before pushing your head back down into the thin material. “Make noise again and you won’t come at all.”

Fuck. You bit hard into the pillow, tears forming at the corners of your eyes as you felt yourself losing control. His fingers felt divine on your bundle of nerves, his dick sliding through your folds over and over and over. The hand he placed on your head smoothed over your hair before bunching it and tugging. You reared back, dots swimming in your vision. “God, I want to choke you. Can I do that, my love?”

You released the pillow from your mouth again. His consideration was top notch tonight. Too much? You couldn’t decide or really care. “Yes, just do it. Do anything. Please. I’m so close.”

“Mm. Then cover your mouth.” Before you could follow his command, Seokjin pulled you up by a shoulder to be flush against his front. Sweat coated your back and your ass, causing you to slide down his chiseled stomach while speared on his cock. A strong hand wrapped around your throat, and the fingers that were teasing your clit mercilessly now ventured into the front of your folds.

One of your hands shot up to clamp over your mouth right before you let out a long groan. You loved when he took control, and when he lost control. If both happened at the same time, it was heaven.

You could barely last on your knees as his dick slammed up into you repeatedly. The hand around your airway was tight but only just, his praises in your ear being the real culprit of your stolen breath. Your pussy clenched harshly around his length, and you knew from the tight coil in your body that you were seconds from euphoria.

Seokjin felt it instantly. “Come, baby.” And as soon as he relinquished your throat did you give in, waves of pleasure coursing through you and a white burn shimmering in your lungs. It seemed endless. Ripple after ripple thrummed through your body, your joints slowly unlocking from their initial freeze. Behind you, Seokjin groaned and sang sweet nothings in your ear, his arms wrapping around your chest in a scorching embrace.

The high ebbed, but did not completely recede. You knew Jin still needed release, so you kissed his wrist next to your shoulder and whispered, “I want to see you now.”

“Whatever you need.” Seokjin slowly unsheathed himself, and you felt a slight pain. You watched as he positioned his back on the headboard. He knew what you wanted to do.

You made your way over to him and hovered over his length. Locking your hazy eyes with his dark set, you kissed him lazily as you languidly sank back onto him. Seokjin groaned when you didn’t use your hand as a guide beforehand. And frankly, that turned you on, too.

“You’re so tight still,” he grunted, his hands coming up and grabbing your ass before settling on your hips.

You rolled your hips before finding a rhythm. “You’re just big,” you mock complained, earning a deep chuckle.

“Aww. You sound. So. Sad,” he teased, thrusting up into you to punctuate each word. Your mewls were welcome now since he was done with his role. Now he could just sit back and enjoy your show for him. And occasionally torture you.

You found your rhythm again, rougher with him now with your hands in his dark, sweaty locks. One of your hands dropped onto his chest and raked down his breast, eliciting a higher moan than normal.

The sound caused heat to pool between your legs again, and you upped the pace. Your thighs burned from the exertion, but you kept yourself distracted by diving into Jin’s neck and nipping in multiple places. His arms left your hips to wrap around your back, and your breath faltered as he took over again.

Seokjin was close. He was always close when his limbs locked hard into place. His upward thrusts were fast and hard, and you could only moan in his ear and take him in. The coil that released once tonight was tightening again, and you murmured in his ear that you were close.

Seokjin only needed to kiss you like his life depended on it for you to unravel again. The wave was weaker than last time, but it could still cover mountains. Your head felt light, dancing above the clouds with no intention of coming down. You pushed yourself from his lips, allowing him to see your flushed chest and reddened cheeks. The second orgasm faded and loosened your limbs, but your heart felt completely connected to his, your soul nestled into the comfort of his tender embrace. “I love you,” you sighed, and you immediately felt a huge twitch between your folds.

“Lie down, baby. I’m close.”

“It’s okay,” you whispered, cradling his cheek. “Come inside me, Jinnie. I wanna feel you.”

“Shit,” he grunted. His thrusts descended into madness. Your heart rattled at the sight of his dusted red cheeks, sweaty neck, heaving chest. He was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen, and the one you would overturn stars to find should you ever lose him again.

When he gazed down at your joined sex, you took in the wet strands of hair on his forehead. When he kicked his head back against the headboard to look at you with lidded eyes, you bit your swollen lips. This wonderful man was your lover, your ex, your friend, and now your lover again. Only this time, you truly loved him back. And you wanted to think back to this moment forever.

Tears sprung into your eyes as he pulled you in for a searing kiss, and his orgasm released into you in spurts. The thrusts he made then were slow and powerful, and your body bobbed with the swells. You kissed him harder than necessary, almost willing to bruise your own lips on his. The longer you held his lips captive, the longer he couldn’t see your sorrow.

But Seokjin already felt the drops ping his chest. He just let you cry because that’s what you needed. Even when he broke from the kiss, he never said a word. He trailed kisses along your wet cheeks, your sweaty nose, and your glistening forehead. His poignant visage held nothing but stars, and it reminded you of the night you fell in love, crushing your spirit ever more.

Touch after touch after touch only coaxed more tears from your eyes. It felt never ending as you sat spent in his lap, still on his softening length. Sheer willpower was what caused you to finally speak, your voice hoarse, “We should clean up. You still need to pack and sleep.”

“We should, and I do,” he whispered. He patted your bum. “Can you get up by yourself?”

You nodded before extracting yourself from his firm thighs, lamenting the fact that human bodies had limits. As you waddled to the bathroom, you stumbled along the way, Seokjin softly chuckled while following you and steadying you when needed. Even when you shot empty glares at him, the smile in his eyes never left.

The rest of your time spent in his room consisted of silence and kisses. Ever the gentleman, he let you lie down on his bed while he used the other half for the bags to pack. It didn’t take him too long since he was organized from the jump, so when he was done he cleared the bed and joined you under the covers. When you felt a weight on your stomach, you looked down to see your camera dumped on the comforter.

Seokjin wrapped a strong arm behind your neck. “What do you call naked pictures taken with a Polaroid?”

“Oh, no.” You turned your head to face him. “What?”

“Just pictures. But that’s old nudes.”

You punished him by attacking his sides instantly, yanking a batch of honky laughs from him. Knowing your own weaknesses still, he unleashed his own parry, and it took a minute for the both of you to settle in a draw.

“Don’t tell me the only reason you brought this into the bed was to tell that horrid joke,” you chuckled, your head back to resting in your pillow.

“Nope. I wanna take one of us.”

After getting past all seven of your objections and excuses, Seokjin whittled your walls down and got you to agree. The end product existed on the last film in your Polaroid: a crooked snapshot of him kissing your cheek as you smiled with creased eyes, sheets held against your chest. And he conceded in letting you keep it after watching you clutch it lovingly in your fingers.

You immediately sought comfort in his embrace after setting the photo next to your phone on the nightstand, and he stole multiple kisses from you way after your eyes couldn’t stay open any longer.

“Get some sleep, my love,” Seokjin whispered.

And despite your sound of protest, you were pulled into the abyss of sleep right as you felt pillowy lips caress your forehead.

Rin-Rin [6:40am]: You’re lucky I love you. I packed your stuff and left out an outfit for you when you come down. Just don’t be late or I’ll drag you back down myself :)))

Jiminie [6:45am]: RISE N SHINE LOVEBIRDS

Rin-Rin [6:46am]: Oh, yeah, I may or may not have texted Jimin.

Jiminie [6:46am]: ABOUT TIME

Jiminie [6:46am]: !!!

Tae [6:47am]: jimins scream woke me up. i can only assume that means ill get to be an uncle soon. dont let me down i want this(:

Joonie [6:48am]: Aaaaaaaaaa !!!

Jiminie [6:48am]: And I know you want to yell at me for yesterday so I am ready for that whenever you are

Kook [6:50am]: <3

You smiled at your texts before locking your phone. Seokjin was already up and about, making sure everything was packed and accounted for. When he saw you stirring, he came over and surprised you with a kiss so deep that it revitalized your sagging emotional state. “Morning,” you chuckled, swinging your sore legs out of the sheets and wincing at the cold. “I need to head back down.”

“Yeah, Rin already sent the first round of threats. I’ll see you at the car, okay?”

You pecked him on the cheek after you slipped on your boots and grabbed your Polaroid. Stepping into the hallway, you kept reminding yourself to not completely lose it yet. There was still a whole car ride you got to have with him, and you were determined to slow down time however you could.

Your phone buzzed again, and you assumed Yoongi and Hoseok were just now waking up and getting the gossip. Checking your notifications only validated your guess.

Hobi [6:52am]: AHHHHH HAPPY FOR U~!!!

Hobi [6:52am]: ASLSKDJSKDHSKDJ

Yoongi [6:53am]: I’ll make sure to drag him back sometimes. It’s ludicrous to say that we’d never see him again. Drama queen. Anyways, happy for you. If you need anything, let me know.

Hobi [6:53am]: we’ll see seokjinnie again love. and if u miss him a lot then we can make sure you see him. im sure he’ll be missing u too

How you were able to win the friend lottery and meet these people, you had no clue. But you weren’t going to ever question the fact. All you would do was embrace your blessings and love them.

The car ride to the airport was long, but still much too short for your liking. Between the loving gazes you directed at Seokjin as he sang along to Taehyung’s music, the looks full of mirth Jimin gave the both of you from the backseat, and the laughter of both Rin and Taehyung, you were the happiest you’ve felt in a very long time.

Throughout the ride, you got the feeling that you were going to be okay. Seokjin was starting an insane adventure, but you were also going to be there every step of the way. Not just on the polaroid he decided to stash in his bag, but in his heart and on his mind like Namjoon said around the fire.

There were still plenty of ways to see each other and communicate. And since he technically didn’t start until next summer, that gave you plenty of time to see him before then. The many possibilities made you question your hesitation in the first place.

But none of that diminished how much of a struggle it was still going to be.

When the car rolled to a stop in the airport parking lot, your chest constricted. When everyone got their bags out of the cars and started the trek to the shuttles, your hands shook on your straps. As soon as everyone started saying their byes and separating to check into their airlines, you found it hard to breathe.

But a tender hand brushed through your hair, and plush lips connected with your forehead. In an instant, you felt okay again.

Seokjin’s calm voice slipped over your features. “Your flight leaves in two hours, right?” When you nodded, he continued, “Okay. Come shop with me before I have to go to my gate!”

You tried your best to keep a positive attitude while you watched Jin peruse different airport stores. When he would hold stuff up for you to approve, you would smile or dramatically turn things down. Even the cute neck pillow he really wanted got the dreaded rejection.

But that was only so you could pay for it when he wasn’t looking and surprise him. The huge laugh and grin you got in return was worth the trouble.

When it was time for Seokjin to head to his gate, you brought him in for a crushing hug. “Let me know when you land,” you demanded.

“Of course, honey,” he said through a smile.

“‘Honey,’ now?” You regarded him with a raised eyebrow. “You have so many nicknames for me. I can’t keep up. Do you have a favorite you could stick with?”

Seokjin rested his chin on your head. “Ah, I have a favorite. But it’s not true yet, so I shouldn’t use it.”

A fire ignited in your heart, the flames warming you from the inside. “And which one is that?”

“Would you look at the time!” Jin’s body heat left you in a rush as he stepped away, and your instinctual pout made him laugh outright. He cupped your chin for a kiss that rocked your whole being before pulling away. His eyes held galaxies in them when he stared into yours. “Guess you’ll have to wait for the answer to that one.”

“You’re a jerk, Jinnie,” you huffed, but you kissed him again. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“I really am. And I love you,” he responded. His hand came down to squeeze yours before he had to part. “I’ll let you know when I make it. Call me when you get home, okay?”

“Okay,” you replied, and you watched his long strides with a heavy heart and a hopeful mind.

As you told yourself again and again, you were going to be okay. It was going to be tough, it was going to be absolutely painful. But as long as you decided to keep loving each other, everything would work out.

You knew better than anyone that love was a choice. And for Seokjin, you would choose it a thousand times over.

And besides, the current state of technology was on your side. The possibilities of communication were too endless for you to dwell on the distance. Were there going to be days in which you only received one text? Most likely. Were there going to be weeks where you weren’t going to hear much from Seokjin at all? Definitely. But this time, unlike last time, you welcomed every bit of it. Your heart built a bridge to his that defied any sense of physical distance. On opposite sides, both of you were achieving success in your own ways. In the end, you would always come back to each other to celebrate together. Even though this was the last November trip you had with Seokjin, it was the beginning of many, many wonderful years to come.

It was later, while you were waiting for your own flight to finish boarding, that a message was sent to your phone.

Jinnie [12:04pm]: Attachment: 1 Image

You couldn’t help but grin. As you gazed lovingly at the picture of Seokjin smiling next to your polaroid, another one came in before you could respond.

Jinnie [12:05pm]: Until you’re really next to me, this will have to do. Don’t get too jealous!

You laughed to yourself, rolling your eyes while setting the image as your wallpaper. Locking your phone, you tapped the glass to see your screen light up, observing the picture again.

On a plane heading to another city entirely, Seokjin was doing the exact same thing. Except in his case, he was smiling down at a girl caught in mid-laughter, body aglow from the bright yellow lights of a spinning carousel behind her.

a/n: whewww so if you made it to the end, hi! i seriously enjoyed writing this and i learned so much. it’s my first fic and first huge one-shot, so if you have any comments/concerns/constructive feedback, please let me know! my ask box is always open, too. lastly, here is my m.list if you want to browse! 🌨🌨🌨 ++ feedback box (added nov. 25th, 2021): ⇥ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated! ⇥ for the ones that aren’t okay with reblogging with a review, commenting on this, or sending a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think! ⇥ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. it’s literally just a feedback dropbox :D ⇥ here! ++ ⇥ masterlist

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