#will solace is a fall out boy fan i will die on this hill

[shortgaylosernerd]

My chemical romance boyfriend (Nico di Angelo) and Fall Out Boy boyfriend (Will Solace)

[clarkgriffon]

i've done it before i'll do it again, i'm talking about nate & blair for some reason.

it is truly so funny for me to die on a hill of a ship no one remembers but. hey. that's the nate and blair experience.

like if you are a gossip girl fan who has watched the series only once or twice, i do not expect you to remember that nate & blair dated from kindergarten. their plot is dropped so hot potato fast that i don't expect anyone to remember except people that have seen this show too much or who vaguely remember that nate is what the original serena/blair beef was about.

but nate and blair did date from childhood and they were the perfect golden couple and this is derailed quickly in season 1- it becomes apparent that nate is in love with serena and blair only loves the idea of nate as her golden boy and their status as the perfect society couple. she then falls in love with and has a multi-season arc with chuck in their on-again off-again relationship.

but at the end of season 2, blair and nate find their way back together after blair's life nosedives. her scheming has blacklisted her from her lifelong dream of going to yale and she's never felt less blair waldorf in her life and nate is there to remind her who she is. while the people she's arguably closest to, serena and chuck, fail to understand how they can help on a fundamental level, it is once again the idea of nate (who she has barely had any on-screen time with since she began a relationship with chuck) that pulls her out of her stupor.

these two, both struggling to accept their place in the world, find solace in the comfort of a relationship they've shared since childhood as they inch closer and closer to adulthood (graduation from high school). the show reminds us that despite their lack of recent screentime, nate likely knows her better than almost anyone because of their past and he works with dorota (displaying an understanding blair's relationship to dorota) to plan the perfect "getting back together" moment in the snow, feeding the ducks at the park.

and then the season ends with blair realizing that going to prom with nate made her feel like she was with her high school boyfriend, perfect for that chapter of her life. as they both grow up (again, symbolized by graduating h/s), they grow out of the relationship. it's one of my favorite break-ups/romantic conclusions in any show, really.

and then the series has the audacity to basically never let them interact again. they should have been bffs! confidants! like they got the perfect romantic conclusion and they understand each other so much due to their shared history, they should've gotten to be besties after s2 instead of barely getting to be on screen together. justice for blate i guess

[multifandommultitasker]

So, I was reading BOO, while listening to a Playlist, and "Shake it Up" by Taylor Swift started playing, and I remembered the hc of Parcy and Piper being swifties, and I disagree. So here are some of my hcs :

LEO IS THE REAL SWIFTIE, and his theme song is Shake it Up

Nico is a Falling in Reverse and Fall out Boy fan

Will Solace ABSOLUTELY LOVES Katy Perry, and is slowly getting to his siblings as well

Frank WORSHIPS Lasy Gaga, and "I was born this way" is no. 2 on favorite songs, while "Applause" is his no. 1

Clarrise la Rue, is a Marina and the Diamonds fan, she even goes to concerts and owns merch and is in general just a very dedicated fan

Thank you to my Ted talk, idc if you disagree with me. I will DIE on the hill believing this.

[ichorhalf]

                   ❛                        wipe    the    𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒅    off    your    hands    ,    little    owl    –    it    doesn’t    matter    .    you’re    still    a    𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐫    .    ❜

❝    you’re    hardly    innocent    yourself    ,    𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓    –    godhood    looks    cruel    on    you    ;    if    i    had    to    do    it    again    ,    𝐢    𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭    𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞    𝐚    𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠    .    ❞

                                         𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭  ,  𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐬  ,  𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝  𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

                   excuse  the  dramatics  ,  but  hello  !  i’m  cc  ,  can’t  read  ,  can’t  write  BUT  i  will  be  dramatic  about  it  nonetheless  .  i  am  SO  excited  for  this  ,  i  am  the  biggest  pjo  fan  in  the  world  &  i  love  pjo  rps  sm  i  have  been  blessed  by  the  gods  ,  paige  &  dani  with  this  .  dana  is  a  very  old  muse  i  used  to  have  &  recently  re  fell  in  love  w  ,  so  here  she  is  .  tidbits  before  diving  in  :  she  fought  for  kronos  &  the  titans  in  the  war  ,  she’s  a  daughter  of  athena  that  spent  five  years  unclaimed  in  the  hermes  cabin  &  she  is  for  the  new  cabins  –  it’s  what  she  was  fighting  for  anyway  .  if  you’d  like  to  plot  PLS  like  this  &  i’ll  come  to  u  ,  uwu  .  p.s  this  is  long  for  no  reason  PLS  come  to  me  if  u  want  a  tl;dr  .

〔  JEON    HEEJIN,  TWENTY,  CIS    FEMALE,  TELUMKINESIS  〕╰    DANA    AHN    just    came    over    half  -  blood    hill  .    you    know  ,    the    child    of    ATHENA    who    was    claimed    four    years    ago  ?  i’ve    heard    chiron    say    that    she    is    INSTINCTUAL    &    COGENT  ,    but    if    you    ask    the    aphrodite    kids  ,    they’d    say    they’re    DISPARAGING    &    GLACIAL  .    i’d    say    they    remind    me    of    quiet    grief    spent    in    lonely    hours    –    invalidated    by    people    she    swears    never    cared    for    her    ,    watching    a    new    constellation    form    with    crystalline    tears    in    exhausted    eyes    ,    a    lethal    slice    of    celestial    bronze    ;    it    brands    her    a    traitor    &    pile    of    painted    beads    crushed    underfoot    when    loyalties    are    chosen    ,    especially    since    they’re    FOR  THE  NEW  CABINS  .

❛   𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗   𝖔𝖓𝖊   ╱  𝐚𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭  

inspiration

         ❛  you’re  a  monster  .  ❜   ❝            better  a  monster  ,  than  an  arrogant  god  .  ❞

ethan  nakamura  (  percy  jackson  &  the  olympians  )  ,  ❛  one  of  my  sons  recently  traded  an  eye  for  the  ability  to  make  a  real  difference  in  the  world.  ❜  

❝          no  one  made  me   ,  i  made  me  –  so  give  me  a  bitter  glory  .  ❞

cato  (  the  hunger  games  )  ,  ❛  go  on  .  i’m  dead  anyway.  i  always  was,  right  ?  i  didn’t  know  that  till  now  .  ❜  

❝          am  i  the  villain  in  your  story  ,  when  i  was  always  the  hero  in  mine  ?  ❞

erik  killmonger  (  black  panther  )  ,  ❛  the  world  took  everything  away  from  me  !  everything  i  ever  loved  !  ❜  

full  name  .  ahn  ji  su  /  dana  ahn  nickname(s)  /  aliases  .  dane  ,  traitor    age  .  twenty  gender  /  pronouns  .  cis  gendered  female  ,  she  /  her  orientation  .  demisexual  ,  panromantic  hometown  .  boston  ,  massachusetts  faceclaim  .  jeon  heejin

aesthetic  .  a  walking  plethora  of  bad  decisions  made  by  a  rotting  heart  ,  remnants  of  red  rimmed  eyes  after  losing  so  much  more  than  others  in  the  war  ,  the  quiet  ,  ominous  static  electricity  before  a  lightning  strike  ,  watching  a  new  constellation  form  with  crystalline  tears  in  her  exhausted  eyes  ,  a  lethal  slice  of  celestial  bronze  ;  it  brands  her  a  traitor  ,  shouting  commands  over  the  sounds  of  her  kind  dying  at  her  feet  &  a  pile  of  painted  beads  crushed  underfoot  when  loyalties  are  chosen  .

label  .  the  premonition  ,  the  potentate  ,  the  traitorous  moral  alignments  .  chaotic  good  /  chaotic  neutral  ( + )  positives  .  strategic  ,  instinctual  ,  cogent  ,  potent  (  -  )  negatives  .  fustian  ,  disparaging  ,  glacial  ,  acerbic  hogwarts  house  .  gryffindor  godly  parent  .  athena  deadly  sin  .  pride  fatal  flaw  .  holding  grudges

❛   𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗   𝖙𝖜𝖔   ╱  𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐥𝐞  

TRIGGER  WARNING  :  death  ,  murder  ,  injury  description

              𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫  𝐢  .  her  mother  ,  a  goddess  in  her  own  right  ;  ahn  soo  ah  joins  the  navy  as  kennedy  ahn  .  bright  eyed  &  wise  beyond  her  years  ,  she  graduates  from  the  united  states  naval  academy  with  notable  achievements  under  her  belt  .  she  is  astute  ,  a  walking  resource  that  the  navy  uses  as  a  strategist  –  one  of  the  brightest  minds  of  her  generation  ,  gone  unknown  as  she  helps  the  military  create  top  secret  missions  .  war  written  &  loved  ,  kennedy  has  an  affinity  for  battle  –  she  attracts  many  people  that  she  knows  are  more  than  human  .  but  they  search  for  romance  ,  they  ask  for  her  love  when  kennedy  has  never  sought  after  it  –  romance  comes  slow  to  her  ,  it’s  a  process  &  the  only  person  to  get  that  is  a  grey  -  eyed  liaison  named  dana  astbury  .  she  arrives  in  a  swirl  of  intuitiveness  &  intelligent  that’s  incredibly  attractive  –  but  their  connection  isn’t  one  based  on  romance  .  the  way  their  minds  bond  is  unlike  anything  kennedy  has  ever  felt  before  –  she’s  eager  to  work  with  her  for  the  short  time  ;  together  they  create  the  perfect  brain  child  .  two  months  after  astbury’s  departure  ,  a  golden  bassinet  appears  with  a  baby  girl  wrapped  in  silk  –  the  product  of  two  of  the  wisest  minds  ,  a  mix  of  godhood  &  mortality  .  kennedy  doesn’t  know  who  the  goddess  really  is  ,  but  she  knows  the  baby  is  hers  .

              she  grows  as  ji  su  ,  americanized  as  dana  –  the  smartest  woman  kennedy  has  ever  gotten  to  meet  &  dana  grows  up  loved  .  what  the  gods  lack  in  familial  love  ,  mankind  makes  up  for  it  ;  ji  su  ,  as  called  by  only  her  mom  ,  grows  into  a  remarkable  child  .  grey  eyes  that  look  like  they  belong  to  a  middle  aged  woman  ,  a  mind  that  knows  too  much  for  someone  so  young  –  they  see  everything  .  the  horns  hidden  the  mailman’s  hair  ,  the  one  eyed  man  giving  her  a  kind  smile  when  she  hands  him  a  daisy  ,  the  winged  creatures  flying  over  her  mom’s  new  job  ;  dana  holds  enough  wisdom  to  make  a  god  stop  .  kennedy  loves  her  more  than  herself  ,  waters  her  with  knowledge  &  sunshine  to  raise  her  as  an  extraordinary  human  being  .  dana  never  knows  life  without  love  until  she  returns  home  from  an  after  school  club  just  in  time  to  see  a  creature  hold  a  sword  of  celestial  bronze  through  her  mom  .  ten  years  old  ,  witnessing  her  a  woman  with  one  goat  leg  &  one  metal  leg  kill  kennedy  –  on  the  basis  that  kennedy  knew  something  about  olympus  .  she  didn’t  ,  but  she  paid  the  price  anyway  &  dana  runs  after  the  creature  ,  intent  on  getting  revenge  .

             𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫  𝐢𝐢  .  labelled  officially  as  a  missing  person  ,  it’s  a  lot  harder  than  she  thinks  to  survive  without  getting  caught  .  but  dana  has  always  been  smart  ,  she  is  sharp  ,  witty  &  quick  on  her  feet  .  it  takes  only  DAYS  for  her  to  find  the  creature  –  an  empousa  ,  learned  from  research  &  any  other  monster  that’ll  help  her  .  the  monsters  on  the  streets  are  kind  to  her  ,  they  spot  a  helpless  demigod  with  a  dirt  caked  face  &  dana  doesn’t  know  it  ,  but  it’s  the  most  kindness  she’ll  experience  for  years  .  a  month  later  ,  the  celestial  sword  taken  from  the  empousa  hangs  on  her  hip  –  along  with  a  lessoned  learned  ;  vengeance  &  revenge  don’t  feel  as  good  as  she  thought  it  would  .  the  monster’s  dead  ,  but  so  is  her  mom  .  a  prayer  sent  to  gods  of  every  pantheon  –  greek  ,  roman  ,  egyptian  ,  norse  ;  she  asks  for  help  ,  for  a  blessing  because  she  knows  they’re  real  &  if  they’re  real  ,  wouldn’t  they  help  a  child  ?  NO  ANSWER  .  it  takes  another  month  before  she  stumbles  past  the  borders  of  camp  half  blood  ,  bloodied  &  bruised  .  it’s  chiron  who  shows  her  around  ,  places  her  in  the  hermes  cabin  with  other  greek  demigods  like  her  .  some  have  lesser  gods  as  parents  ,  some  –  like  her  –  are  unclaimed  .  the  game  ,  to  figure  out  which  god  is  her  parent  ,  which  god  has  deemed  her  unworthy  to  sit  alone  in  the  hermes  cabin  .  everyone  knows  –  even  she  does  ,  the  eyes  are  a  dead  giveaway  .

              but  the  claim  doesn’t  come  &  what’s  supposed  to  be  home  quickly  turns  into  a  prison  .  she  wastes  away  alongside  the  bitter  ,  she  barely  gets  to  go  on  quests  (  on  the  basis  that  upon  completion  ,  she’ll  be  claimed  –  mr  .  d  tells  her  to  shove  it  ,  chiron  agrees  with  her  )  only  to  return  empty  handed  with  one  less  companion  .  scar  after  scar  ,  death  after  death  ,  she  turns  to  the  gods  empty  handed  ,  rid  of  the  offerings  she  used  to  make  .  a  CURSE  upon  athena  ,  a  CURSE  on  all  the  gods  who  sit  by  &  watch  their  children  fight  THEIR  battles  .  demigods  ,  their  children  ,  born  to  be  pawns  for  the  divine  –  to  fight  enemies  their  parents  made  for  them  ,  to  DIE  so  the  olympians  don’t  have  to  .  resentment  in  her  core  ,  she  falls  into  ranks  with  the  blond  boy  in  cabin  eleven  .  luke  castellan  ,  the  one  who  whispers  with  the  sleeping  one  ,  the  scarred  boy  who  promises  her  glory  &  change  .  the  gods  need  a  wake  up  call  ,  who  better  to  give  it  than  their  children  ?  she  leaves  the  summer  after  the  son  of  poseidon  arrives  –  keeps  a  hand  on  luke’s  shoulder  with  a  promise  of  changing  the  way  the  gods  treat  their  children  .

              𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫  𝐢𝐢𝐢  .  a  year  spent  with  a  rising  army  before  luke  asks  her  to  go  back  .  thalia’s  tree  is  dying  ,  an  inside  man  or  two  never  hurt  anybody  .  a  little  bit  stronger  ,  a  little  bit  more  trained  ,  she  arrives  at  the  same  place  she  had  stumbled  into  five  years  prior  –  four  years  stuck  in  the  hermes  camp  ,  one  spent  on  the  run  with  a  boy  king  .  almost  immediately  upon  her  arrival  ,  a  blessing  is  sent  from  athena  –  some  call  it  a  welcome  back  ,  but  dana  is  smart  enough  to  know  the  true  reasoning  behind  her  claim  .  the  gods  are  scared  ,  athena  herself  knows  of  dana’s  potential  &  the  claim  is  an  attempt  at  appeasing  her  but  dana  is  far  too  gone  .  it’s  not  enough  ,  she  leaves  when  the  golden  fleece  is  brought  back  .  one  of  many  demigods  to  go  missing  ,  she  finds  solace  on  board  the  princess  andromeda  .  the  monsters  here  have  shown  her  more  kindness  &  familial  love  than  the  gods  ever  have  .  under  luke’s  instruction  ,  she  grows  into  a  formidable  opponent  –  boasting  extraordinary  skill  with  any  weapon  she  chooses  .  she  grows  closer  to  the  commander  as  well  ,  shares  his  troubles  from  a  distance  while  she  keeps  her  head  down  .  dana  pledges  herself  to  his  cause  ,  pledges  to  stand  by  himself  through  all  of  it  &  mourns  luke  when  kronos  arrives  in  his  place  .  blue  eyes  turn  to  gold  ,  dana  goes  from  warrior  to  sword  .

              chosen  by  kronos  himself  ,  she  spends  an  unprecedented  amount  of  time  with  the  titan  –  often  out  of  sight  from  other  demigods  .  he  freezes  time  for  them  (  like  he  does  every  demigod  he  chooses  to  twist  )  ,  fractions  of  the  care  she’s  always  searched  for  shining  through  the  cracks  ;  she  learns  a  different  way  of  fighting  ,  a  different  way  of  feeling  ,  of  thinking  .  dana  learns  from  the  best  a  titan   reminding  her  of  her  worth  .  wrapped  in  resentment  &  the  blessing  of  a  titan  ,  respect  turns  to  admiration  to  a  twisted  psyche  before  she’s  gearing  up  for  the  battle  of  the  labyrinth  with  a  sour  reminder  –  the  gods  never  cared  ,  he  did  .  with  her  features  hidden  behind  a  helmet  made  of  GOLD  ,  she  proves  her  prowess  erupting  from  the  labyrinth  ,  striking  down  demigods  &  the  family  that  never  cared  for  her  .  after  an  untimely  defeat  ,  one  more  year  is  spent  preparing  .  underneath  his  instruction  ,  dana  continues  to  grow  into  a  weapon  at  his  disposal  &  she’s  blind  to  the  obvious  fact  –  he  never  loved  her  ,  she’s  simply  a  tool  for  them  to  use  .  blindly  naive  ,  she  continues  to  launch  herself  into  battle  ,  lay  her  life  down  in  hopes  of  waking  the  gods  up  .  she  ascends  to  her  peak  ,  unaware  that  everyone  is  waiting  for  her  to  come  crashing  down  .

              𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫  𝐢𝐯  .  charged  with  her  own  command  in  the  battle  for  manhattan  ,  monsters  &  demigods  alike  listen  to  her  orders  .  demigods  of  her  own  kind  fall  under  her  sword  &  she  doesn’t  know  it  ,  but  dana  is  only  one  of  many  chosen  champions  –  one  small  member  of  a  small  class  .  they’re  all  tools  at  his  disposal  &  he’s  manipulated  them  all  in  their  own  ways  ;  to  the  other  demigod  commander  slain  by  an  arrow  ,  he  promised  glory  .  to  the  other  commander  who  charges  the  hunters  of  artemis  ,  he  promised  revenge  .  to  dana  ,  struck  down  by  a  celestial  bronze  sword  ,  he  promised  love  .  they  all  have  their  titles  gifted  to  them  ,  unbeknownst  that  NOBODY  takes  them  seriously  .  demigods  ,  they’re  pawns  in  kronos’s  game  .  it  isn’t  her  first  time  being  injured  in  battle  ,  often  times  she  returns  to  him  &  lets  him  take  back  the  injury  ,  watches  her  cuts  close  up  underneath  his  power  –  but  this  time  ;  hubris  mixes  with  wrath  &  she  lets  her  guard  down  .  her  hands  around  her  neck  &  blood  pours  from  a  deep  cut  that  silences  her  ,  stranger’s  hands  wrap  around  her  armor  straps  as  she’s  pulled  into  safety  ,  holding  back  blood  with  pale  fingers  .  she  chokes  on  her  own  blood  while  her  life  is  begged  for  ,  she’s  close  to  the  underworld  when  she’s  healed  by  people  she  swears  never  cared  for  her  .  her  survival  is  a  travesty  –  to  both  her  &  camp  half  blood  alike  ;  apollo  himself  tries  to  heal  her  fully  ,  but  in  punishment  he  lets  her  suffer  .  twenty  years  old  ,  her  throat  slit  in  retribution  for  her  actions  .

              after  the  war  ,  a  month  spent  recovering  as  she  radiates  like  a  beacon  of  disappointment  .  grief  ,  for  the  titan  &  his  host  –  mixed  with  resentment  &  distrust  .  they’re  split  on  whether  she  should  stay  –  she  chose  the  opposite  side  until  her  dying  breath  ,  the  demigods  that  saved  her  can  still  account  for  the  blood  flung  from  her  mouth  while  she  tried  to  curse  them  .  so  she  keeps  her  distance  ,  but  she  stays  because  she  has  nowhere  else  to  go  –  no  degree  ,  no  identification  ,  not  direction  .  in  the  rivalry  ,  she  keeps  her  mouth  shut  but  she  stands  with  the  cabins  –  it’s  everything  she  fought  for  ,  it’s  all  the  forgotten  wanted  &  she’ll  gladly  go  to  war  for  it  again  .  but  ,  she’s  changed  –  the  image  of  a  lethal  opponent  turned  to  crestfallen  girl  .  she  doesn’t  talk  much  anymore  ,  she  doesn’t  use  her  ability  for  much  ,  doesn’t  train  ,  doesn’t  fight  .  most  often  found  with  a  couple  of  scared  satyrs  while  she  spends  the  day  at  arts  &  crafts  .  but  though  quiet  ,  she  still  harbors  unimaginable  HATRED  for  the  gods  –  she’ll  never  love  or  respect  them  the  way  they  want  her  to  .  they  want  her  to  shed  her  title  of  traitor  but  refuse  to  call  her  the  sword  of  kronos  ,  they  want  her  to  beg  for  a  new  title  at  their  feet  ;  dana  will  never  beg  them  for  anything  .

❛   𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗   𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊   ╱  𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

exterior  .  an  outlier  in  camp  ,  dana  pretty  much  spent  more  time  with  the  titans  than  she  did  at  camp  half  blood  .  a  faint  scar  on  her  neck  ,  she  wears  it  like  a  brand  burned  onto  her  skin  .  despite  the  power  that  she  displays  (  a  gift  of  telumkinesis  ,  along  with  skill  &  prowess  learned  by  both  kronos  &  luke  himself  )   ,  she  doesn’t  use  her  power  for  much  these  days  .  cogent  ,  she’s  good  with  her  words  &  swaying  people  onto  her  side  –  which  she  used  a  lot  more  during  the  war  ,  since  these  days  she  mostly  keeps  her  mouth  shut  .  

a  beacon  of  pessimistic  energy  ,  dana  still  isn’t  shy  about  her  dislike  for  the  gods  .  she  says  often  ,  that  if  she  had  to  do  it  all  again  ,  she  wouldn’t  change  a  thing  .  the  gods  continue  to  disappoint  her  ,  continue  to  wrong  her  &  do  everything  in  the  crudest  of  ways  ,  so  dana  continues  to  be  a  blasphemous  follower  in  the  camp  .  she’s  still  here  simply  because  she  has  nowhere  else  to  go  –  no  degree  ,  no  schooling  ,  nothing  to  give  her  a  way  out  –  dana’s  technically  still  a  missing  person anyway  ;  so  until  she  figures  out  a  permanent  way  to  leave  ,  she’s  stuck  .

interior  .  she  almost  misses  kronos  –  at  this  point  ,  she  can  see  that  he  was  the  greatest  manipulator  of  all  but  she  really  felt  so  loved  underneath  him  .  he  saw  her  for  her  ,  molded  her  into  an  outstanding  warrior  &  dana  owes  him  EVERYTHING  .  but  she  understands  now  how  bad  he  is  ,  how  much  chaos  could’ve  been  unleashed  had  he  won  ,  but  it  doesn’t  erase  the  twisted  care  she  still  holds  for  luke  or  the  quiet  idolization  that  still  lingers  for  kronos  .  she  held  a  title  in  the  titan  army  &  it  still  makes  her  see  red  when  she  thinks  about  how  she  went  from  the  sword  of  kronos  to  traitor  in  the  blink  of  an  eye  .

honed  with   pessimism  ,  dana  is  still  incredibly  intelligent  ,  incredibly  potent  but  she  spends  a  lot  of  time  alone  .  she  prefers  the  isolation  in  contrast  to  spending  time  with  her  siblings  or  any  other  demigod  ;  festers  alone  in  very  toxic  thoughts  about  ‘  hm  shoulda  died  hate  it  here  ’  vibes  .  a  lot  of  regret  ,  a  lot  of  very  twisted  thoughts  having  grown  up  with  the  Worst  Villain  Ever  pretty  much  raising  her  .

midway  .  an  entirely  too  gifted  demigod  ,  completely  wasted  on  the  bad  guys  .  in  a  theoretical  letter  from  athena  ,  dana’s  godly  mother  expresses  her  disappointment  that  she  created  such  a  potent  warrior  just  to  watch  her  fight  for  the  wrong  side  .  determined  to  give  up  her  powers  ,  she  was  only  recently  informed  she  HAD  telumkinesis  .  convinced  she  had  been  trained  by  a  titan  himself  &  that’s  where  her  weaponry  mastery  stemmed  from  ,  she’s  learned  that  it  all  stems  from  a  power  .

still  ,  she  has  room  to  grow  ;  in  her  dreams  sent  by  the  goddess  herself  ,  she’s  been  told  that  should  she  want  a  new  title  ,  she  would  have t o  earn  it  –  but  does  she  want  it  ?  does  she  want  to  use  her  power  to  fight  for  the  gods  that  have  only  ever  seen  her  as  a  weapon  ?  dana  doesn’t  know  ,  she  frankly  doesn’t  care  enough  right  now  .

❛   𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗   𝖋𝖔𝖚𝖗   ╱  𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧

as  usual  ,  this  got  way  too  fuckin  long  &  i’m  so  sorry  but  dana’s  an  old  &  complicated  muse  .  tl;dr  ,  fought  w  the  titans  ,  kronos  trained  her  personally  (  &  manipulated  her  ,  mayb  there  was  a  lil  sumn  sumn  but  she’s  ,  in  my  opinion  ,  dumb  &  didn’t  realize  she  was  bein  played  )  ,  she  almost  fuckin  died  &  was  saved  by  the  people  she  was  fighting  even  though  she  herself  killed  numerous  demigods  &  now  is  a  quiet  ,  pessimistic  loner  .  hee  hee  ,  all  her  connections  are  here  ,  all  her  wanted  connects  are  here  .  if  u  read  this  all  i  guess  i  owe  you  my  life  ! 

[prettieparker86]

All For You || Part 4

Part 1, Part 2, part 3 & Part 5

Pairing: William “Cap” Hatfield X Reader

Gif Credit: @rkhe, @koriiandr, @tswift1989daily @taykoreatayphoto . Thank you for letting me use your gifs! They are beautiful!

Shout out: This chapter goes out to @lainey-lane, my editor and all around muse. She makes these things happen when my mind get stuck. And to @cryxlowrites who’s beautiful Cap vid made me fall in love with Cap all over again. Thank you both!

Tag: @lumifuer, @hannahmariea If you don’t want to be tagged in the future friends just let me know. Thank you again friends!

A/N: This chapter is very long. Sorry. I didn’t plan it that way, but there was a lot to cover. Also, I originally said, only four parts to this story. BUT I wrote a few more. Now, if you all feel done with this tale I can end it here for tumblr and post the rest elsewhere. OR, I can continue. Let me know if you want more or end it here.

“I saw the look in yer eyes that night. When you said you couldn’ marry ‘im. Said you couldn’ bear it… Now ya don’ have to Darlin’.” Will finished unflinchingly, his eyes reaching for you before he leans down to place a soft kiss upon your forehead.

Pulling back, Will moves to the front of the porch. Moves down the steps till he lowers himself onto one. His eyes scanning out over the field and into the dense woods as nightfall takes hold over the ridge.

 Your heart thumps in your chest. The feel of his lips still burning on your skin. The jolt of his kiss still humming through your veins. 

Nobody’s ever made you feel the way Will can. Like he knows every part of you. Can awaken even places you didn’t know existed inside yourself with a single touch. 

Why couldn’t you have remembered that that dreadful day? Why couldn’t that truth have been more powerful than Johnse’s bitter whiskey and the insatiable hunger of your grief.

 You move to sit beside Will, wishing like so many times before that you could just take it all back. 

You lower slowly onto the creaking step beside him, lifting your long skirt behind your legs as you go.

Will glances over his shoulder, looking back at the house only muffled words of exchange have escaped out of since you all were sent outside, and you’re reminded that regardless of what Will has just thrown himself in the middle of, your Uncle and Aunt hold all the cards.

 As if sensing your thoughts or maybe you were just sensing his, the way you two have done so many times before, Will turns back to you.

“I wan’ you ta know no matta’ what Ma n’ Pa decide, yer not alone in this. I’m gonna stand by you.” Will declares, his eyes piercing you, one blue, one white. The insistence on his breath almost enough to steal yours.

 “Why ‘er you doin all this for me?” You finally ask. Your eyes searching his, needing to hear the truth off his own lips. 

Not the honorable reasons, not the loyal ones. The reason he’s ready to take this on even if it means going against their family. 

The reason he’s willing to raise his brother’s child as if it were his own and make an honest woman out of you. 

You have to hear it.

 Holding your gaze, an undeniably sexy smile eclipses his face, like butter on a skillet, filling his good eye with an iridescent glow.

“Surely by now you know how I feel ‘bout you.” He answers with absolutely sincerity.

Your cheeks burn against his smile and the weight of his stare as an impossibly happy grin finds your face. 

Finally getting the answer you needed. That he’s as crazy about you as you are him.

 You wined your arm around his as you nestle in close to his side, resting your head upon his sturdy shoulder. 

Your face turns in toward his neck, soaking in the smell of musk and gun power as you gently nuzzle your nose and lips against his sensitive skin, while his hand comes up to tangle in your hair. 

In that moment, you don’t know what you’d do without him. 

And while you don’t know what’s going to happen, for the first time since this nightmare started you feel like things might actually turn out alright.

“I still ‘member that day Johnse brought you home. I’d been worried sick when you weren’ back by dark. I wen’ lookin fer ya but-“ His words die suddenly with a heavy breath as his confession sends your heart aching and your arms clutching him a little tighter.

“I saw you that morning ‘fore I left for the hills. I saw you cryin’. I shoulda gone to you ‘steada taking off shootin’. But my head wasn’ all right after the McCoy boys. But I a, I shoulda been there for you. Maybe if I had, none of this woulda happened.” Will confesses on a heavy breath, you feel the weight of his words on his slumping shoulders as your face lifts from him and you gently tug his face your way.

 “You listin’ ta me Willian Hatfield. I was the fool. I was reckless. This ain’t on you.” You tell him firmly, your eyes imploring his, trying to get him to let go of this nonsense. This burden ain’t his.

“You needed somebody.” He reminds you, the look in his eyes painfully vulnerable with the weight of that truth.

“I ain’t yer responsibility.” You say softly, trying to unshackle this blame he’s wrongly setting at his door.

Gazing deep into your eyes, Will slowly shakes his head.

“Yes, ya are, Darlin’.” He corrects you, reaching to grab your hand from his face and pull it to his lips where he gives your knuckles a gently kiss. “Yes, ya are.”

You quickly pull apart as you hear the front door finally open. Both turning back over your shoulders to take a peak. You see your aunt Levicy standing in the door way.

“Come on,” She beckons with a wave of her hand.

Not needing to be told twice, you both scurry up the steps and enter the house, but nerves start creepin back into your belly as soon as you lay eyes on your uncle Anse. Pipe between his lips, eyeing you both like an executioner about to hand down the sentence.

 Levicy goes to stand by her husband as you and Will stand side by side awaiting your fate. Removing his pipe, Anse clears his throat before he speaks. 

“You both made a real mess a’things. Disgraced yerselves an’ this family. Hell, I expected betta of both a you.” He drawls out, his voice gritty and edging with anger.

Tears spring to your eyes as your face drops. Biting your lip to hold back the tears, you nod in agreement. Still can’t believe you got yourself into this mess. 

Your only solace is your pap ain’t around to see it. No matter you and your brother were born on the wrong side of the bed. You know this news would have broken your Pa’s heart.

 You wish Will would take your hand, but you know he can’t. Neither of you can risk setting off Anse’s anger more than it already is. 

No, you gotta take this sentence on your own, because you know as good as any, sometimes in life when you make a bed as you have, you just gotta lie down in it.

After a long pause and pull from his pipe, Anse shares a look with his wife. You watch Levicy’s give a subtle nod before he starts back up again. 

“This familys got ‘nough troubles already… But what’s done is done. I’ll be sendin’ for Wall in the mornin’. Yer gonna make this legal, make it right, ‘an then I don’ wanna hear it spoken of ‘gain.”

 His words sink in as wave of relief washes over you and a breath you didn’t know you were holding comes gasping past your lips. 

In seconds, Will is pulling you to him, wrapping you in his arms as your clinging desperately to him, as he places a brief kiss upon your head. 

Breathing in the scent of gun powder and pine as your fingers dig into Will’s back, and his warm breath fans against your scalp, and the same words echo and vibrate through your head… Everythin’s gonna be alright.

Your aunt Levicy helped you into your best dress. It was long with tiny blue flowers scattered all along the fabric, the sleeves went past your elbows with white lace ruffles at the ends and buttons down the front.  

Your pap had purchased for your birthday last year and you only had one other occasion to wear it before this.

The dress lay forgivingly on you, but the tapered waist felt tighter than you last remember. 

You try to hide the shame from your face as your aunt tugs a little firmer at the fabric to button it. 

The nicest dress you own. It was a summer dress with buttons up the front and ruffling down at the bottom. 

Your aunt and cousin Nancy tied your back in a twist with a few wisps hanging down to frame your face. 

For a wedding thrown together in a day, you felt beautiful.

Levicy had gone to check on preparations for the meal after the ceremony when the sound of boots on the floorboards sends your and Nancy spinning around to see who’s coming.

 “Aunt Levicy says it’s time.” Your brother calls from the door way.  

 “I’ll go see if Mama needs a hand with anythin’.” Nancy answers with an easy nod, giving you and your brother a moment.

“Well jus’ look at ya now, don’ you look handsome.” You tell your brother, taking his hand into your own as you draw him closer to you.

 Tugging him into the light that’s streaming in through the window, where you can get a better look at him. 

Admiring his matching slacks and button up vest, his clean button down shirt underneath. 

You haven’t seen him look this nice since election day when your Pap died. Seeing him now coupled with memory of that painful day leaves a bittersweet ache in your heart.

 “Ya look beautiful.” Cotton tells you, amazement thick on his breath as his pale blue eyes light up as he looks you over.

That smile and the innocence’s that emanates off your brother’s breath has you reaching for him, pulling him into a tight hug. 

Your breath shutters against his shoulder as clutch him tight, his arms wrapping tightly around you in return. 

His joy reminds you of days past… he always did have your Pa’s smile. 

Seeing Cotton, holding onto him, you realize how badly you wish you Pap were here. 

How much you miss him, no less than the day he died, but you’re also thankful and grateful the lord see fit to let you keep Cotton. You can’t imagine your life without him.

 Pulling back from his arms, you gently comb the hair back from his forehead, tending to him like you’ve done since you were just a little girl. 

It’s moments like this he feels more like your child than your brother, as you gently cup his cheek and find his soft eyes once again.

“I’m so happy yer here.” You tell him on a rattled emotion thick breath as a tear slips free. Unable to hold back the love and loss making waves inside you. 

You’d give your right arm to have your Pa here today. You never imagined your wedding without him, but you also can’t help but count your blessings knowing you at least have Cottton.

 “Don’ be sad, sissy.” Cotton tells you, the smile falling from his face as he wipes the tear from your cheek.

“I’m not, Cotton. I promise.” You reassure him, taking his hand into yours and giving it a good squeeze. 

Looking at him now, that innocence of his that nothing and nobody can steal, he seems more childlike than a man nearly Cap’s age. 

And with everything about to change, you need him to know you would never leave him behind. No matter what turn of events your life is about to face.

 “Listen Cotton, we haven’ had time to talk much with everythin’ happenin’ so fast, but I wan’ you to know nothin’ changes between us. I’m always gonna be here. Is’ always gonna be me and you. You understand?” You tell him, needing him to know that no matter what happens you’ll always be there for him. 

You may have a baby growing inside your belly and a heart about to be promised to Will for life, but nothing changes the bond you and Cotton have. 

Nothing changes the promises you made long ago to always look after him. And you don’t want him to worry about none of that now.

 “With Cap?” Cotton corrects you, your Pa’s smile filling his face as he seems to grow excited by the idea.

A smile begins to grow on your own too and you nod in agreement. “Yes, with Cap.”

“You love ‘im.” Cotton says, his eyes holding yours, smile still from cheek to cheek. 

And it’s moments like these you swear Cotton is smarter than everybody. That he sees things our brains have made the rest of us blind to. 

Too much thinking, not enough feeling.

Your smile grows blinding wide on your face with his statement. Unable to deny the way it fills your heart like it’s ready to burst.

“I do… and I love ya too. Always.” You promise, leaning over to place a quick kiss on his pale forehead.

 “I love ya too sissy.” Cotton tell you back in the earnest way he so easily gives love. Making you admire that big heart of his all the more.

“Wanna help me downstairs?” You ask, wrapping your arm around his before he gives you a hearty nod and you both move for the door.

 You descend the stairs dressed to shine, the old wooden steps creaking beneath your feet, but there’s only one pair of eyes you hope to catch. 

Your aunt Levicy and cousin Nancy really made you feel more special than anyone could have asked for under these circumstances and with no time to prepare. 

Braiding your hair and pinning it back from your face as wisps dance around your jaw and cheeks. Your dress slims down your figure forgivingly, none would be the wiser to the real reason behind your hasty marriage. 

Despite the situation and the means you’ve found yourself here, you feel beautiful. 

A feeling that only grows as Will catches sight of you. You spot him first, lost in conversation with Jim by the fireplace as you descend the stairs, but as he turns with the sound of your steps. You watch his words die, his jaw fall slack just a little, his eyes transfixed upon you for every step as your eyes hold unbreakably steady with his in return. 

Your heart begins to race with the thought that you’re about to marry him. About to be his wife, finally his in the deepest sense of the word. A wish you had thought was all but lost before last night.

 You can’t help but notice how handsome Will looks all cleaned up, in his Sunday best. You’re not sure the last time you saw him in a button down, his hair combed to the side, clad in a pair of clean black trousers and matching buttoned up vest. 

He reminds you of your uncle Anse and uncle Wall dressed up so finely as a smile creep up on your face.

Meeting you at the base of the stairs, Will extends a hand. 

Giving your brother’s arm a gentle squeeze of thanks and a quick kiss on the cheek, you take Will’s hand as he draws you close. 

His eyes are glued on you with a look of sheer wonder you’re sure your own face must mirror. 

In that moment, as you take the sight of each other in fully, everyone else in the room disappears, but the two of you. The rest of the world practically falls away.

 Gazing up at him, you swallow hard as Will’s callused hand tenderly finds your cheek, sending tingles rippling beneath your skin with his touch.

“I do believe yer the mos’ beautiful thing I’ve eva’ seen.” Will tells you, leaning in close near the shell of your ear, his voice deep and low, his words only for you.

 Your cheeks flush with heat under the charming grin curling on his lips and wonder in his gaze as he pulls back. 

You get lost in the magnetic quality of that smile and the way you could stare at it all day - until your uncle Anse’s clears his throat, breaking the spell.

“…How we got into this damn mess to begin with.” He grumbles low on his breath to your aunt Levicy, tugging at the pipe in his mouth before marching for the front door, signaling to everyone it’s time to get on with it.

 Will quickly releases the hold he has on your face with his father’s disapproval. His smile dropping as he steps back from you, always obedient, always mindful. 

Your heart aches just a little with the exchange, wishing you could tell Anse just how honorable and obedient his son really is. That despite how things look, he’d never dishonor you or this family, but you know that isn’t possible without undoing this whole thing in the process. 

So you drop your gaze and try to appear obedient as well instead, but as the rest of the family falls in line, moving for the open door, Will surprises you and leans in close to your ear once again, taking advantage of the moment.

“Almost mine, Darlin’” He whispers, pulling back before anyone can notice, causing a rush of heat to fill your face as he offers you his arm to which you gladly slip yours through. 

Never more sure of any decision in your life than the one you’re about to make.

The air is crisp and cold on this winter day as you leave the house, trudging through the thin layer of tightly packed snow. 

Your aunt Levicy and the girls arranged an area near the back of the property, past the main house and barn. 

Out where the mountains surround you as the clouds dance and sway within the valleys in the midday light. 

Uncle Wall is waiting for you and Will as he leads you both over to the properties edge. 

Your arms intertwined as the sun peaks through the winter clouds hanging over head, bathing you both in warm rays of sunshine that feel like halos from above. 

The morning had been overcast and dreary, but now the clouds have begun to break apart, raining heavenly lights down upon you and the few family members in attendance.

 A wedding arranged this hastily only family members who lived in the Hatfield homestead or immediately nearby were in attendance. 

Anse made it clear, that as far as he was concerned the less people that knew about your transgressions the better. 

You overheard Anse grumbling to Will just this morning. Instructing him that if anyone was to inquire about the speed of your marriage that he was to say it was done to ensure you and Cotton were taken care of after your Pa’s passing. 

But the Hatfield’s weren’t a bunch of fools and even less would be confused about the sudden nuptials when your baby comes in the not too distant future. 

And as much as that thought shames you, knowing you’ll have Will by your side when talk stirs up, leaves you unafraid to face it.

 Moving across the snow-covered field, Uncle Wall pins you both on approach, his face set as his stern gaze sweeps between you. 

As a child, you knew a lecture was coming with a stare like that, but standing here on this winter day, about to become Will’s forever, not even Wall’s glare can dampen your spirits.

“Thought you two were smarter than this.” Uncle Wall admonishes with a shake of his head, only loud enough for the three of you to hear.

Your throat tightens with a guilt you’re still learning to sit with, but that feeling quickly quiets as Will pats your hand reassuringly.

 “Jus’ wanna make this right. Im gonna take good care ‘er.” Cap swears, meeting Uncle Wall’s gaze dead on, man to man as your eyes drift onto the man you’re about to marry, the man you’ve admired and wished for since you were just a girl, watching him in wonder. A truly is a good and just man.

Turning back, you watch Uncle Wall’s gaze sweep between you two for a moment before he concedes with a steady nod.

“You better, son.” He practically warns, before turning his gaze to you. 

“An’ this is what you wan’ too lil’ lady?” He asks, concern laced on this breath.

 You’d never admit it aloud, but Uncle Wall was your favorite uncle. More gentle and open than Anse, he’s been sweet to you your whole life, his baby brother’s little girl. He was always buying you books, and talking with as if your thoughts mattered just as much as any mans did.

His question sends your eyes falling back on Will, his gaze waiting for you as you stare into one pricing blue eye, one beautifully milky, your heart thumping hard in your chest with assurance.

“Is’ all I wan’.” You confess, never more sure of anything.

 “Well then, let’s git to it.” Uncle Wall agrees, opening up the thick book gripped heavy in his hands.

You and Will turn to face each other. His hands tangle with your own as your eyes can’t help but scan the snow-covered winter wonderland around you. 

Mostly blank faces meet your gaze in return and instantly you wish your Pap was there. Wish his gentle eyes were staring back at you. 

You spot Jim snickering to himself over a swig of whiskey before Anse shoots him a quick look that shuts him up quick. 

Levicy stands strong and silent, her arm wrapped around Anse as your uncle stares on, his face expressionless. 

Nancy and Robert E stand amongst the children who fidget and stir, holding a strangle knowing glint in their eyes as they meet your gaze. You can only imagine what they must think was going on when they spotted you and Will alone in the past. 

Everyone’s quiet, resigned to the state of affairs, the awful truth, except your brother. Except your sweet Cotton. 

Only Cotton sees fit to hold a smile wide on his face as your eyes meet. Your silver lining in any storm.

Then you feel it, the gentle squeeze of your hands all tangled up in Will’s big callused ones. 

Your eyes drift back to Will’s and instantly the look in his gaze sucks you in, takes you captive in the moment. 

The light of happiness in his eyes mesmerizes you, fills your heart with a joy you’ve never known. 

He hasn’t said it yet, neither have you, everything happened too fast, but in that moment, you can see it, he loves you. 

Staring into his eyes you know, no matter the circumstances that brought you here, there’s nowhere else you’d rather be.

 The rest of the ceremony goes off without a hitch as you stare lost in Will’s eyes. No one else matters in that moment. 

You say ‘I do’ with a pounding in your heart, and when you hear the words ring off Will’s lips they practically sound like I love you. 

When Uncle Wall finally pronounces, you husband and wife, when you stare into Will’s eyes, knowing you’re his forever as he moves toward you in earnest, his steady hand finding your cheek as his face descends slowly to yours, you feel it deep in your heart… Absolute peace.

 A family gathering and small feast ensure after your nuptials. To honor you and Will, despite circumstances surrounding your marriage. 

When your aunt Levicy asks you to round up the lil ones before they catch a death of cold rolling around in the slush and snow outside you don’t hesitate. 

She and your cousin Nancy have already done too much, fussing over a proper family meal, refusing your help as you stand about all dressed up. 

Will’s been steady by your side. The quiet touches against your hand or along your side making you crave more of him in way you’ve never felt before, but normally you’d be helping to prepare the meal and it don’t feel right watching as they slave over it and not offer a hand.

 So instead you jump at the chance to give a hand wherever you can, even if that means leaving Will’s side. 

Trudging out in the snow to gather up the little ones. The sun still shines, but it’s lowering on the horizon and the clouds have begun to thicken, blocking out the suns warming rays more than they show.

 Your boots sink into the slush as you spot Levicy’s youngest, Elliot. At barely two, the bottom of his little trousers are all soaked from the snow and slush that comes nearly halfway up his calf’s and the front of his cloths are wet too, no doubt from tumbling as he tried to chase after the older ones. 

Scooping him up, you placed the toddler on your hip as you began to call the others children inside.

 Making a mental count of them all just to make sure they were all accounted for as they moaned and protested, but scurried inside.

 Then you feel it, that prick on the back of your neck when someone is watching you. Your eyes scan about and sure enough you spot Johnse coming down the porch steps. His gaze steadies upon you, headed your way. You clutched Elliot closer to you as your eyes hold with his, unable to look away.

“You make a beautiful bride.” Johnse tells you in a way you know is him just being cordial.

You and your cousin were once so close, he was always your favorite after Will. Could make you laugh like no one else, besides Will, but after what happened between you all, you don’t know how to feel about him, don’t know how to act. 

What happened between the two of you still hurts your heart and what came of it you’ll have to live with forever. 

You don’t hate him and you don’t want to not trust him, but things ain’t like they use to be.

 Turning for the house you start up, breaking from his gaze as your eyes turn onto Elliot offering him a gentle smile. 

“Thanks Jonce.” You answer politely.

“Motherhood suits you, I do believe.” Johnse tells you, following you over to the front steps.

A nervous edge creeps up your spine with his words as if they’re laced with some hidden innuendo you’re afraid to face.

“Best git Elliot into the house ‘for he gits sick.” You offer back. Trying to feigned a casual air as you try your best to escape this time alone with Johnse. Your gut sensing whatever he has to say, it ain’t gonna be good.

 You almost make it when Johnse suddenly grabs your arm on the front steps. His grip gentle, but halting as you’re forced to turn back and meet his gaze.

“Listen, I was hopin’ we could talk-“ Johnse tells your gently, his light blue eyes reaching for you before his words died against the sound of a new voice.

“Yer gonna catch a cold out here with no coat on, Darlin’.” You hear Will’s voice coming up quick beside you as your face whips back around toward the front door. 

Spotting Will moving to the step above you, you feel a sigh of relief leave your lungs.

“I was just gittin’ the children.” You explain.

 Coming up on you, Will’s hand slips around your back, running gently up and down your spine as he sends you a warming grin that always makes you feel safe before his gaze drifts up to his brother.

“I was jus’ goin’ to gather up some more fire wood from the pile. Hows about you gimme’ a hand, Jonce?” Will implores more than he asks as his hand leaves your back and he moves toward his brother.

You catch Johnse’s gaze fleetingly as Will grabs at his brother arm, turning him back the other way and practically pulling him down the steps.

 A tightening fills your heart as you watch them go. Knowing with every beat of your heart, somethings not right and they ain’t going to no wood pile. 

You had tried to make quick work of getting all the kids inside. Tried to get back out to Will and Johnse as fast as you could. 

The sick feeling in your heart sure something wasn’t right between them, but then Aunt Levicy needed you to pull a pies from the oven while she mashed up the potatoes and after everything she had already done, you couldn’t deny her such a simple request. 

But once the pies were lined up on the window sill cooling, you were racing back outside to find them.

When you can’t find Will and Johnse near the wood pile, your heart starts to race, worry begins to twist tighter in your gut. 

Confirming every fear you had when he and Johnse first took off… This was never about gathering wood. 

Clutching your shawl tighter around your shoulders as the cold creeps in beneath the fabric of your dress. 

Your eyes scan about your surroundings as your body moves in a steady circle to get a good look about, the skirt of your dress twirling with the motion.

 The font yard is clear as supper is almost ready. The open snow covered grass surrounds the house, surrounding you. Just beyond that lies the forest. Full of dense foliage, trees taller than five men stacked. 

Normally their luscious green hues would stare callingly back at you, but it’s winter, only barren branches and brown dead leaves meet your gaze.

 You’re heart starts to deepen with worry when suddenly you hear it. Muffled, but not too far away as you follow the sound like bread crumbs left to lead the way. 

You hear Will’s voice, you’d know it anywhere, as you move steadily along the side of the old wooden barn, hear the grit thick on his breath. It tells you he’s displeased far stronger than any choice of words ever could. 

You tug your shawl a little tighter around you as the setting sun begins to draw in the cold mountain air or maybe’s it’s just the apprehension finding its way into your heart… You’re not sure which.

 “Coulda had all the girls in Wes’ Virginia and Kentucky alike fer all I care, ‘nyone but her. You knew what she meant ta me, but you didn’ thinka that did ya?”

“I never meant neither of yous no harm, Cap. I tell you true, but if she’s carryin’ my baby-“

Will and Johnse’s words send a quick shiver down your spine. Send your mind racing with thoughts of what Johnse’s got cooking up, but you never get to hear what his intentions are, before a loud bang sounds. 

Nearly startling you as the wooden walls of the barn start to rattle from the force of it, and you know Will has lost his temper.

 Grabbing the skirt of your dress, you trudge quickly through the layers of mud and snow. 

Rounding the back of the barn as quickly as you can, and when you do, your intuitions prove you right. 

You find Will’s got Johnse pinned up against the barn by the collar of his shirt. 

Your new husband’s chest is heaving, his nicely combed hair now fallen wildly in his face as he stares his big brother down with a raw intensity that leaves even you feeling rattled.

“This is my family, you understand Jonce? ‘n you’d best not to get any ideas otherwise.” Will seethes in his face.

You move quickly toward them, your own fears momentarily forgotten as the situation suddenly escalates. 

Hoping to stop all this nonsense before someone else catches wind of it. 

The back of the barn has you all covered for the time being, but with the way this situation is rapidly unfolding, it’s likely someone will come to intervene if Johnse and Will start to brawl. And then everyone will know the awful truth. 

The terrible truth you thought you had managed to bury when you wed Will today, but you’re beginning to see this secret is too big to completely disappear forever.

 “Will,” You call as you come up on them, but your voice only gets drowned out by Johnse.

“But if she’s havin my-“ Johnse tries once again to reason with his brother like the well-meaning fool he is, missing the importance of this to Will completely.

“Nah, you listen Jonce, you took somethin’ that wasn’ yours ta take and then you ran off like a coward when it came time to own up to it, jus’ like you always do. I stood by her. I faced Pa. The baby she’s carryin’ is mine. You best to forget anything else.” Will carries on. His fists clenched so tightly around Johnse’s collar his knuckles are turning white. 

He hasn’t even glanced your way. In all his anger, you doubt he even knows your there or realizes it’s you.

 “Will,” You try again, your voice low from shock as the truth of Johnse’s realization sets in. 

You had known in your heart he knew the baby was his. Despite what Will told his Pa. 

How could he not? But after Johnse said nothing when Uncle Anse pressed you, you’d had somehow thought he had accepted the possibility the baby could be Will’s. 

But thinking on that now you realize how silly the notion was. Why would he believe you had been with them both? He knows you better than that.

You try to catch Will’s eye, but he’s too deep in it now to notice you anyway. Breathing hard, intense gaze piercing on Johnse like the rest of world has fallen away as he drives his point home.

 “Yer my brother Jonce, but if you try ‘n interfere with my family. You will answer for that.” Will threatens, his breath heavy, his eyes drilling into Johnse so fiercely it surprises you. 

You’ve never seen him look at his brother this way before. Johnse’s older, thicker, and harder, but Will is taller, more lanky, and has an intensity inside him any man should fear. 

The kind you know could turn on Johnse if he pushed Will too far. It’s not something you dwell on often, but you’ve noticed a change in Will. 

Since he took part in avenging your Pa’s death, since skunk hair was savagely murdered, since all this nonsense with the McCoy’s sent men into these hills hunting you family down for a bounty. 

Will’s harder now, more on edge, more quick tempered, and Johnse has certainly stirred up the worst in him just now.

 “Cap!” You finally shout, finding your voice. You’ve never called him that. 

Not in all your years together, but nothing else was breaking through the heat of his gaze and you knew in your gut this whole mess was only gonna turn more sour.

His face whips over to you almost instantly, his pupil going wide as he takes the sight of you in as if he’s just now realizing you’re there.

 “What’s goin’ on?” You ask, concern laced on your breath, your eyes searching his, before briefly falling on Johnse and then back onto Will. 

You can’t say you’re entirely surprised by this turn of events. Can’t say your surprised Johnse’s wants to own up now after leaving you when you needed someone most. 

You also knew how upset Will was with his brother over what happened and then for leaving you to face it on your own. 

You’d seen that fire in his eyes when Johnse had tried to talk you earlier, but it’s your wedding day, as last minute as it was, didn’t seem like the best time to air these grievances.

 Turning back to Johnse, Will instantly let his brother go, smoothing out the collar of his shirt.

“We was just having a word, is all. Right Jonce?” Will said, his voice edging with the answer he expected his brother to give, but you can also tell he’s trying to cover. You can tell he senses your fears and is trying his best to ease them.

“That’s right,” Johnse agreed, tugging down his shirt to smooth out the wrinkles. His gaze heavy upon you.

Your eyes pass between them both, not fooled in the least. You heard what they said, saw them with your own two eyes, but as long as it was done, you’re willing to just let it be.

Will steps closer to you as Johnse pushes off the barn wall, becoming practically a barrier between you two, but as Johnse moves to leave, Will leans in with a parting word.

 “Stay away from her. I don’ wan’ you upsettin’ her. Yeah hear?” Will warns low on his breath, leaning in close, blocking his brother’s retreat.

Will’s words surprise you, the warning on his breath, but then you watch Johnse meet his gaze dead on.

“Don’ look like I’m the one upsettin’ her.” He cuts back as if Will is making a whole lot out of nothing, before pushing past his little brtoher and moving toward the house.

 You hear a huff leave your husband, watch his shoulder grow tight.

“Will…” You say gently, reaching out to place hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently at the tension you see building between his muscles.

“I didn’ wan’ you to see all that.” Will admits on a heavy breath before he turns around slowly to face you.

“He knows? He gonna tell ‘nyone?” You ask with apprehension, biting on your lower lip at the thought. 

Holding back the heaviness that wants to build on your heart with this news as your gaze wanders over your shoulder to the direction Johnse’s left in.

This day didn’t go at all like you planned. Yer Pa wasn’t there, most of your kin wasn’t either, but you still got the result you always wanted, the one you always prayed for, to be Mrs. William Hatfield and the thought Johnse could stir up something that could hurt that, broke your heart.

You feel Will’s big callused hands surround your face as he draws it back to him. You find his eyes waiting for you before he speaks.

“My brother’s a fool, but he ain’t that dumb. Don’ matter though, we’re married now. Nothin’ he can do. I’m not gonna let him or anyone’ come between us. Yeah hear?” Will swear it, in that deep breath gritty way that always has you believing him, but still you’re scared. 

Scared Johnse will stir up trouble. Scared others will look down on yeah all if the truth came out. Sacred Will might change his mind after the baby comes. Scared this bubble will burst. Scared.

 But Will seems to sense that, the way he knows you so well, as you feel this thumb gently stroke over your cheek as his forehead drops down to yours.

“Yer my wife. There’s nothin’ I wouldn’ do to keep you safe and happy, Darlin’. You ain’t gotta worry about Jonce or ‘nyone else.”

“But the baby?” You ask, fear edging in your voice. Your nervous, nervous over what all this means.

“Our baby,” Will corrects you, his choice of words making your eyes water as your arms reach out and wrap around him.

“Our baby?” You ask on a shuttered breath, making sure he really means it.

“We’re a family now, Darlin’.” He tells you, smile spreading wide on his face. 

The smile that always leaves you weak in the knees, that makes your heart flutter and belly flip. 

Hearing all your need to, you pull Will into a passionate kiss. Knowing he’s finally yours, all yours, to have and to hold as you please.

[itsomgitsgreenblogging]

Break My Heart: Chapter 1  (A Solangelo Fanfiction)

Imagine you take your average “Three Days in the Infirmary” fic, and then add a twist. This would be your fic! And the twist is a prophetic dream that throws Will Solace into turmoil. 

I hope you all enjoy!

Read on AO3

Preview: 

“Okay, but in all seriousness. What are you going to do?” Cecil asked him, resting his chin on his hands. “Not all of us get dreams to give us forewarnings about the treacherous nature of the dating waters, so how will you use your newly acquired powers?”  

“Well, since starting anything with Nico di Angelo obviously isn’t going to go anywhere, and I had no idea why, I…I guess I’m just not going to go for it. If I tried it would be a self-fulfilling prophecy,” Will said as he waved off Cecil. “I mean, how hard could not falling for one boy be?”

It was a dream.

A caveat being that it wasn’t just a dream. Demigods, as Will Solace had learned early on, don’t just have casual viewing experiences. Especially if the demigod in question was a child of Apollo, who was indeed the god in charge of prophecy despite all of Apollo’s notoriously bad decision making. That didn’t mean that Will couldn’t have your run-of-the-mill weird trippy nonsensical dreams, or other dreams that tended to be inappropriate for young impressionable demigods. But that did mean that Will had to be able to tell the difference between the two, and the difference was always this: in regular dreams the scenery would be foggy, whereas the prophetic dreams were sharp, colorful, and loud.

And that was what this dream was; it was vivid, it was real, it was prophetic…it was about Nico di Angelo?

They were sitting together at the end of the dock, the autumn breeze crisp and clean as it flitted from the lake carrying with it the scent mist and strawberry. The sky was almost blindingly bright and blue, while the trees were just tinged with just a blush of color. Will turned to the boy next to him, noting his leather jacket and feeling a thrill that nearly set his heart on fire. The Will who was a part of this dream welcomed it, while he succumbed to his confusion.

“Will…I…” Nico was saying to him, looking up at him with eyes wide and…was that a blush staining his cheeks? And he looked healthier than any time that Will could ever remember Nico di Angelo being, his cheeks filled out, the dark bruises under his eyes only shading them, his hair pulled back in a little ponytail, and his skin had color to it versus the warmed-over-corpse white shade he had been on Half Blood Hill during the battle.

And Will was holding his hand (how had he not noticed that was beyond him, but somehow it felt natural, so natural), and Nico’s fingers were curled with his own instead judo-flipping him and killing him with a well-placed strike. On that note, why were his own nails painted?

“Am I…is this…alright?” Will’s mouth moved and asked, and Will could feel his own cheeks heat up in return. He was just wearing a flannel and jeans but he felt entirely too warm, as if he would explode from nerves. Nico didn’t move, something guarded in his expression, before he met Will’s gaze evenly. It was intense and dark, and Will could feel his stomach twist up in a hundred knots.

“Hey Will?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think we should do this anymore.”

Will woke up with a start, his heart racing in his chest. He felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath him, he felt the sickening feeling in his stomach as if he had just missed a step on the stairs and his foot had fallen through the air, he felt the recoiling blow of rejection like a slap to the face. The dream was there, and he replayed it in his mind again and again as his heart rate fell, trying to parcel out some sense from it but finding nothing.                                                                                          

“What in the name of the Gods?” Will asked himself, before looking around his mostly empty cabin. Thankfully the younger kids were still asleep, not disturbed by his sudden outburst. Kayla and Austin were probably still in the infirmary with Roman children of Apollo who had accompanied the legion to Camp Half Blood. And it was still before dawn, probably too early for him to be getting up. But if Will was good at one thing, it was avoiding his own problems by helping to solve other people’s. And this dream was something he definitely wanted to avoid before being more awake to deal with it (or possibly never).

And so Will crossed the camp in the dark after throwing on some fresh clothes and a sweatshirt, and walked into the infirmary. Phoebe looked up from the desk at him in confusion. She was the leader of the Roman medics, and had been nice enough once they had gotten past the initial awkwardness. That awkwardness being attributed to an unfortunate relative of both of them named Octavian, and though Phoebe had definitely not been a fan of the guy, there was also the principle of the matter. Will supposed they both had inherited Apollo’s protective nature in the end, and death wasn’t easy for either of them. So they had mostly agreed to focus on their work, and leave everything else to fall as it would.

“You are here early,” Phoebe observed stately, taking another sip of her coffee.

“Anyone I can help?” Will asked, sitting himself up on the desk and looking through a chart. With his general level of sleep deprivation and dyslexia, he barely made any progress before the words began shifting on the page.

“You know that you should be sleeping, you need the rest,” Phoebe pointed out to him, running a hand through her hair.

“I had a weird dream is all, I’m not going to be falling back asleep anytime soon,” Will dismissed her, shoving the dream as far back as he could in his head for the moment.

“Well, if you must, check out Alicia’s leg, you know, the child of Mercury. She was awake and groaning about it earlier, but I also have a feeling she was trying to pickpocket Kayla and she isn’t awake enough to ward off attacks,” Phoebe told him with a huff, standing up to go to the coffee pot and pour him a cup with a splash of cream and sugar. She handed it to him, and Will smiled back gratefully before going to do just that.

Alicia’s leg was in good condition and healing well, and Will managed to avoid any wandering fingers. Ellis Wakefield’s broken ribs were on the mend, and Will knew that because Ellis could hiss out insults after being poked and prodded with minimal gasping. Lacey from Aphrodite was sleeping soundly and the cut on her forehead was looking fine, while Nyssa from Hephaestus’ fingers were looking much less swollen. And Suzuka Yamato, a Mars legacy, reported her head was feeling better by communicating with both him and Ellis Wakefield in a series of expletives in Japanese, Latin, and English.

He continued to do the rounds, scooting his tired siblings who had done the nightshift out of the infirmary to get some rest, and tugged at his sweatshirt’s sleeve absently. The sensation reminded him of what he was working so hard to avoid, and eventually he had to say something to someone.

“Hey, Phoebe, has Nico di Angelo come in at all?” Will asked Phoebe, trying to be as nonchalant as possible, as he returned to the desk with the excuse of making a fresh cup of coffee.

“You mean the son of Hades?” Phoebe asked, her eyebrows drawn. “I haven’t seen him. Why? Should I have?”

“Well…I told him to report to the infirmary for three days,” Will excused quickly. “I guess this means I have to go get him.”

“Well, I would rather you not die. I will talk to Chiron about it,” Phoebe said with a sniff. “I’m sure he’ll corral him and have a conversation about the importance of healing wounds.”

“Nico wouldn’t—“

Phoebe’s look was enough to get Will to do the smart thing and shut up. And maybe she had a point. After all, Nico had apparently been the one who would break up with him, so maybe the guy secretly hated him and would try to fight him if he approached. But that still didn’t mean that he should let Nico be injured, the more rational part of Will’s brain pointed out, and if they had at least had a thing or would have a thing then maybe Nico also liked him somewhat. (And Will had to admit, after the birthing and just running into the field of battle, he had been hopped up on adrenalin and had probably been more forceful then he had needed to be, and he had been previously hoping the days in the infirmary would give him a chance to apologize.) But the whole thing didn’t make any sense to begin with, Will tried to reason back. Everyone knew that Nico had had a crush on Annabeth Chase. Maybe Nico was bi? Maybe Will would have just been the unfortunate rebound. Or maybe Will had been making the moves on him and was about to be rejected—

Will’s head hurt, and he desperately needed council. So Will went to sit next to Cecil who was nursing a pulled tendon and a sprained ankle. He poked his very good friend awake, and like a true friend Cecil blinked awake, groaned, and then immediately turned over.  

“Bro…no…just no…” Cecil groaned dramatically, trying to dig himself back under the covers like a bear attempting to return to hibernation. Will wasn’t having it.

“Cecil, please, I need to talk to someone I think I’m going crazy,” Will told him as he pulled off the covers, Cecil sat up to snatch them back and Will let them go.

“Yeah you have to be pretty freaking mental to be up so early, and making me be up so early!” Cecil snapped back, before seemingly giving in and laying back down. “Alright, alright, I’m awake. What do you need?”

“I had a dream, but it wasn’t just a dream it was a prophetic dream,” Will tried to explain before realizing that had not been an explanation and groaning.

“Okay? And? You get those sometimes right?”

“Well yeah…but this one was different…it…” Will trailed off before shifting uncomfortably. Cecil did not look amused by Will’s fidgeting and rolled his eyes as he reached over to swipe Will’s coffee.

“Alright Will, seriously spit it out—“

“Nico di Angelo was breaking up with me,” Will blurted out.

Cecil immediately choked and coughed out the liquid, and after getting through the worst of his coughing fit, Cecil stared at Will with something akin to disbelief as he set Will’s coffee back on the side table.

“You’re joking, that’s supposed to be funny right,” Cecil said as he wiped his face with his arm, and when seeing the suffering look on Will’s face he broke out into a grin, “wait you aren’t joking? Seriously? Damn Solace you’ve got so much game you see it ending before it even starts.”

“Okay seriously I’m having a moment so I would appreciate some concern,” Will groaned as he let his head fall into his hands. “You can at least pretend to be my actual friend.”

“Why would I do that when this is so much more fun,” Cecil noted before humming as he laid back against the pillows, “that’s crazy though, seriously.”

“I know, you’re telling me!” Will said as spun on his chair absently.

“And you are sure it was a prophecy, and not just some weird lucid dream?” Cecil asked seriously, a brow quirking in his favor. Will dismissed it with a glum shake of his head.  

“Yeah, I can tell the difference. It was prophetic, very prophetic, with the sense of impending doom and everything,” Will explained nervously as he continued to spin, until he got dizzy and settled with nervously tapping his foot to the frantic rhythm of his panic instead.

“Well tell me what happened,” Cecil said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

And so he did, recounting the plot of dream, every little detail he remembered, and the state that he woke up in. Cecil hummed and nodded along, only interjecting once or twice for clarification. At the end, they both sat quietly for a moment, the infirmary coming to life as Roman demigods did their rounds. Cecil finally broke the silence,

“We’re pretty sure that Nico was breaking up with you. Or at least rejecting you. And the way you describe the dream…well…it sounds like it took place a few months from now. It had to at least be September or October-ish.”

“So what should I do?”

“Well, I don’t know. Do you like Nico di Angelo?” Cecil asked curiously without judgment.

“I…he’s cool, and heroic, and he’s pretty attractive. You saw him in the battle, and I do want to help him. But I don’t know, it’s hard to like like a person I don’t know. And I don’t really know him,” Will said in return with a noncommittal shrug.

“Apparently, you are going to get to know him pretty well,” Cecil pointed out and he flipped to laying on his stomach. “Well enough that you are going to start dating, or at least making moves on him.”

“Don’t be a douche,” Will told him with a sigh.

“Okay, but in all seriousness. What are you going to do?” Cecil asked him, resting his chin on his hands. “Not all of us get dreams to give us forewarnings about the treacherous nature of the dating waters, so how will you use your newly acquired powers?”  

“Well, since starting anything with Nico di Angelo obviously isn’t going to go anywhere, and I had no idea why, I…I guess I’m just not going to go for it. If I tried it would be a self-fulfilling prophecy,” Will said as he waved off Cecil. “I mean, how hard could not falling for one boy be?”

“Infamous last words,” Cecil noted as he lay back down completely. “Don’t worry there are way more fish in the sea.”

“What am I? Percy Jackson? I—at least get your leg elevated,” Will muttered as he pulled pillows from the side and helped Cecil get readjusted with a small piece of ambrosia, not bothering to address the implications of Cecil’s previous comment.

Will left Cecil’s bedside soon after that and Phoebe immediately looked towards him.

“Chiron’s going to bring Nico di Angelo in later,” Phoebe reported without any preface. “He said he was going to have words with him, so, let’s hope for the best.

“Alright,” Will said before putting on his best smile, which felt oddly placed. “Better get to work then.”  

[zainapbaraketcaryl]

Exclusive: The Walking Dead's Melissa McBride on the Season 7 finale

"It looks like war is coming. And it looks like people are heading to the front lines and we just have to wait and see what happens," actress Melissa McBride, who plays Carol on AMC's The Walking Dead, said in an exclusive interview with Syfy Wire.

With war looming between Rick's troupes and Negan's Saviors on Sunday's Season 7 finale (judging by the previews and clips that have aired), even Carol appears to have been drawn back into the fight. While Carol's had her issues about killing, so much so that she left both Alexandria and the Kingdom to get away from people, Negan may just discover that you don't mess with Carol's friends.

McBride (The Mist, American Gothic) chatted with Syfy Wire about Carol's return to the fight, which character she's most worried about as a viewer and those Walking Dead death dinners.

I'm excited for the season finale and sad all at the same time.

Melissa McBride: I can't believe it's here already. It's really weird. The first half is a little slow, even while we're shooting it. It's like when do we get to mid-season. And then after the mid-season it just flies. It's crazy.

You weren't on a lot of episodes during the first eight.

Yeah, that was real slow (laughs).

It was especially slow for you and Lennie (aka Morgan). But I think things have picked up since then.

But it is weird though. I mean no matter how many episodes, it seems like that first half is always ... I guess it's just because we were starting out. It's grueling and it's hot and it's horrible. And in the second half of the season, [it goes by so quickly]. It's done, and you've got to say goodbye to people.

What's it like for you when you are not on episodes? Do you have any clue what's going on with the show?

I still get the script, so I know what's happening.

Do you know before you get the script if you're going to be in an episode?

Vaguely. But you take it with a grain of salt because things can always change. They say you may or may not be in this episode.

It's really interesting that Carol has had an evolution over the years, and now she's having a re-evolution, almost. From being an abused wife to losing her child to becoming a protector of those around her. And then she left both Alexandria and the Kingdom in an attempt to go it alone.

I know. It's her pattern. But this one is less superficial. It's not just putting on a sweater ... This one she was just at her end. Like she said there is just nothing left. Going through the days knowing what you've done, and what you're capable of doing if you had to, there was just nothing left. I mean if that is what you have to do, just the death and destruction, [losing your] humanity, everything, not knowing who to trust, knowing that maybe you're just like these people that you're fighting, and trying to protect yourself ... You become the monster. All of that stuff. She just had to go to either save herself or just do away with herself.

But apparently she didn't move far enough away from the Kingdom. For some reason she's been surprised when everybody keeps showing up.

It was kind of funny I thought, for somebody who just really wants some solace and time to sort through and think about things. And ding dong. Ding dong.

What area your thoughts about the Kingdom?

I like the Kingdom. It's a beautiful place. Just hitting that against the darkness of the world. Going from point A to point B is just so dark, and then all these other groups are infiltrating your space. And then going and killing people in their sleep. The Kingdom is just a paradise.

It did appear that the initial attack on the Savior facility and Carol's efforts to save Maggie when they were captured, might have been the breaking point for her. Why wouldn't Carol want to stay in the Kingdom? I think of all the places you could live if I was in that world, the Kingdom is the one I would want to live in.

There's this colorful king and there is music and there are children laughing and running around and that's really beautiful. I don't even think Carol thought she was even worthy of a place like that. Anyway she had work to do on herself.

Now she's back in the fold it looks like. In the previews, we see Carol with the Kingdom group holding a gun and looking ready to go after Negan. I know you can't say much but can you tease us about the finale?

Well, there is certainly the culmination, as you could see in the preview.

Looks like a war is coming.

They have what looks to be like procured guns now for the Alexandrians and Hill Top. It looks like the Kingdom is on board.

And they've got the people from the dump. It appears Rick's got everything lined up now, but we'll see.

What scares me as a viewer is that Eugene is over there in the naughty camp.

Yes he is, that bad boy. I just talked to Josh McDermitt.

You did? What's he doing over there?

He's like why is everybody beating down on Eugene? He's just trying to survive.

I get it. I understand.

Not that Carol has gotten any criticism for her actions.

Exactly. But he's over there directing traffic and moving things along.

If Carol does not survive, what do you want to say to fans?

Thank you for watching (laughs) ... I love you ... Thank you for the support. Thank you for rooting for Carol like I did.

And if she does survive, what are your hopes for Carol?

I would say the same things to the fans as well if she did survive (laughs).

It would be nice if she found some peace.

That's my hope for everybody.

Not too soon though. It looks like Carol's got another battle to fight.

You don't have a show if everything's all peaceful. And then something awesome happens and it's all done. And that just can't happen ... It's just so strange to think of a world like that. You've just become so totally immersed. It's everything that Carol was fighting herself against becoming that thing that feels so awful. But it has to be done the one way. Is there really another way? If she's just going to come to the realization that is the only way. And is that some sense of peace? I don't know. All of them sort of carry that battle, that this is the worst humanly thing possible. But there has got to be some beautiful things to make it all worthwhile. There has to be. And I want them to experience that beautiful thing. And that's what keeps them going and going and going.

What has been your biggest challenge this season as an actress?

My biggest challenge this season? I think it certainly would be that you get a momentum going when you're shooting and then it's cut off. And then you wait a couple of episodes and you go back. That's kind of challenging doing that stop and go. But then it's exciting too because there's a lot more story to tell and you have an expanded cast.

It's a big cast now.

You get to go to the set and watch people shooting and stuff, those things that you're not in.

There are basically six communities interacting.

I know. One of the things that was fun was going to set on a day off where you can just mosey around and check out the sets and things like that, and some sets are just monumental. That whole heap set was incredible. That was seriously just mounds and mounds of trash.

The garbage set?

The Heapsters.

Oh, the scavenger garbage people.

The trash people (laughs). The Trashsters? I don't know what it's called. Yes, the heaps of the trash. I mean the set is just wondrous to stand there and behold the piles of trash that's on the lot where we shoot. Like where did they get it? Who piled it up? How did they make it so cool and how did they keep it up? It's crazy.

You've got the Heapsters, the Oceanside women. And you've got Negan's Saviors, as well as the Kingdom, Hill Top and Alexandria.

Yes. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of sets, and a lot to shoot. A lot of stories to uncover.

What has surprised you this season, the thing you weren't expecting?

The trash people. They were a surprised. The fact that Eugene's selling into Negan's camp over there.

He drank Negan's Kool-Aid.

Yeah, that's a surprise. It's hard since we've been out of production on the season and I'm trying to remember a lot about it. Even in the finale there's several surprises in this finale coming up. This script, just reading through it, I found myself saying, "What!!! No, no way!!!"

It appears likely we'll lose some characters this week in the finale. When characters die, what's it like for you? There has to be some emotion attached to the deaths.

It has a lot of emotion attached to it. And then also we'll usually get notified ahead of time when that happens. But it always makes just reading the script ... you want it to be good. This better be good. But to lose a cast member and to think that they're not going to be around in that capacity anymore, anyway it's sad. And there's mourning and there's also celebration, personal celebration among us for the one moving on. It's just a celebration that they were with us the whole time that they were and that they're undoubtedly going to do well moving forward with what they do.

I heard that there's a death dinner.

Yeah. It started off in a restaurant and then I think the walls were too thin for the amount of crying that we wanted to do. So we moved it to a safe place where we can emote and we wouldn't have to hold back, and we could really just be able to celebrate that person.

When is Carol's time? What thoughts do you have about her dying?

Well, I kind of don't. I mean it's become part of the water. It's not just a bubble in a water. It's just become part of the water that that's going to happen. So I don't necessarily go there. I just don't think about it as much. It's an inevitability, I suppose. My overall general thought is, like everybody else, this just better be good. I don't want to fall through a crack and drop twenty feet to my death. That wouldn't be fine.  

It's got to be a worthy death. A chance to save everybody or something.

Yeah. I just hope she doesn't trip and fall. That's all. She saves somebody and she's all happy and then something happens, but she didn't have her eyes open.

I hope at some point Carol finds happiness. In some ways I think she's had the toughest road of all of them.

If everybody were happy this would just be a totally different show.

Yes, it would.

I kind of like the show.

It would be nice if she could be have a little peace though.

What I want is hard, tough, horrifying challenges ahead. That makes it interesting. With something beautiful in-between. That makes it all worthwhile.

Do you have anything else coming up you wanted to talk about?

Nope (laughs). I may take a nap in about five minutes. We can talk about that.

[pussymagicuniverse]

my top 5 mac ‘n’ cheese movies

what is a ‘mac ‘n’ cheese’ movie, you might be wondering?

these are the movies that always make you feel good. they don’t need to necessarily be “feel good” films. not all of mine are. these are the movies that you could always put on your Netflix at home (granted it’s on there), always put in the DVD (if you even have any) player, or always leave on while you’re channel surfing (if that’s even a thing you do these days). these are the movies that are “comforting” background noise or movies you never get sick of, no matter how many times you’ve seen them. these are the movies that, if you live alone, will make you feel like you have friends with you. these are the movies that, if you’re feeling alone, will bring solace to your loneliness.

these do NOT have to be:

award-worthy 

“good” films

from any specific genre or decade

popular

simply, these are the films that somehow, your spirit is comforted by their essence. maybe through memory, or sound, or childhood… it doesn’t matter. just having these on in the background is soothing to my soul. we can pay attention, or not. we can be cleaning, doing the dishes, working, etc. and it just FEELS GOOD to have them on in the background.

the following movies are my film mac ‘n’ cheese, in no special order.

•

Clueless (1995)

“Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.”

i said no special order, but of course, i’m going to put Clueless, the beloved classic, first.

Clueless has always been my go-to “favorite” movie. not to age myself or anything, but yes, even before it was “cool.” i’m a ‘90s kid, and my first memories of this movie are watching it at my aunt’s house when she’d babysit me when my dad worked weekends. i was actually 5-6 years old when it came out, so it was ingrained in me very young, for better or worse. 

speaking of better or worse, i know that everyone now loves to bring up the weird fact that *spoiler alert* Cher ends up with her ex-step-brother, Josh… but i didn’t say these mac ‘n’ cheese movies had to be perfect. so even though now i watch with a tiny tinge of ‘ew?’ in my brain, i allow timeless Paul-Rudd-dreaminess to wash away all of the potential ickiness that somewhat does not make sense.

and please note that i am not excusing step-cest because the general thought of that is very, very ew and evokes quite a visceral response from my entire being.

(did you like how i said that last sentence in my best Cher voice?)

also speaking of better or worse, because i also grew up thinking that i would find the love of my life by not realizing i loved them at all or pretending i didn’t know i loved them at all until ONE DAY i would be standing by a fountain after a therapeutic shopping spree like, ‘WAIT… I LOVE THEM. AND THEY LOVE ME TOO?!’ be careful what you wish for, kids. it can happen… and not always how you want it to.

regardless of all this negative-sounding analysis, i have always loved this movie and i’m certain i always will.

Scream (1996)

“my parents are gonna be so mad at me!”

my favorite part about this choice is that my friend deemed it a “hot take,” and i will die on that hill if i have to.

Scream is one of my favorite horror films. firstly, this movie is not typical horror. sure, it’s horrific at times… mostly in the opening scene, whereafter it becomes more of a (highly witty) teen comedy with (a lot of) murder. i think while true horror fans can appreciate the merits of Scream, what it did for the genre, and Wes Craven’s meta expertise, and also agree that it’s “not scary.”

if someone could have The Exorcist, or, for a more modern reference, Hereditary and just have it on any time, i’m not sure i could subscribe to that. but Scream is (thankfully) not either of those movies. it’s horror lite for ‘90s kids like me who, at times, revel in their teen ‘90s nostalgia. although, i have to say, i have seen someone recoil just at the mention of such a mild horror film. and i thought i was a weakling in horror. however, now that i’ve seen Hereditary (AND SURVIVED!), i feel like i can handle most things, though i am fairly certain i will not test those waters.

not to mention:

Dirty Dancing (1987)

“You Just Put Your Pickle On Everybody's Plate, College Boy, And Leave The Hard Stuff To Me.”

A CLASSIC! i’ll save most of my opinions for another piece i’m writing, but here’s the take: this movie is classic, heartfelt, funny, meaningful, political in mostly the right places (it doesn’t focus on everything), and babealicious in all the right places (Patrick Swayze, Cynthia Rhodes who plays Penny, Jennifer Garner, hello––a triad we’d all love to see if the movie had gone THAT progressive––but then it never would’ve been made. it already had a hard enough time, let’s not get carried away). 

so far you can probably sense the ongoing theme in my choices: the air of nostalgia. film geeks and those who just heard Stan’s spiel on VHS in I Am Not Okay With This on Netflix will understand. while i’m not watching these movies on VHS, there is something about the feeling of these films. and i’d argue that everyone has favorite movies that pertain to their tastes and interests that fall under this physical sensation of 20th-century film. i’m not nostalgic for the time itself, i don’t need to relive the decades (don’t we daily? in our pop culture, in our fashion, everything)… it’s just that these films are comforting for very personal reasons that have nothing to do with the rest of the world. which is why your mac ‘n’ cheese list will look very differently from mine. it’s kind of unexplainable.

in 8th grade, i watched this movie every day after school because my friend just had to. she was obsessed. years later, we feel the same about this movie. it has this summery vibe to it. i guess there’s something about summer, and something about fall that both tug at my sensibilities in film and literature… the way they’re shown or described. it can be kinda magical. Dirty Dancing does this for me. this scene brings me to tears often.

Moana (2017)

“There is nowhere you could go that I won't be with you.”

stepping out of nostalgia (it’s a relief, honestly), we have my favorite Disney cartoon of the twenty-teens. Coco is up there, but Moana is something else (for me). one day i will also write more in detail about the beauty of this film and what it means to me, but maybe that’s not for me to write.

Moana is about a young woman who is set to become the next chief of her Hawaiian island. but as she grapples with that path for her life, a crisis descends. Moana ends up having to save her family’s island (and the world, essentially, because this curse/disease would spread far beyond their home) from destruction because of the demigod, Maui, who robbed the heart, a glowing lime stone, from Goddes Te Fiti, who kept life flourishing and abundant. it can easily function as an allegory for global warming as well as some other things i may get into another time… but it is so much more than that. it makes me cry nearly every time i watch. i deeply resonate with Moana needing to carve out a way for herself that her family (specifically, her father) might not agree with, but she has to do anyway for her ancestors and her own spirit. 

between her sweet and sentimental relationship with her grandmother, the call of her ancestors, and the courageous anthem, “How Far I’ll Go,” that she sings throughout the film––it is not only beyond precious and meaningful, an homage to the feminine, but also doused with humor throughout. i literally feel my heart swell when i watch this and it’s a movie of self-care for my inner child. i can’t fully explain the connection i feel to this film but i know that i very much wish i had this film when i was an actual child! and i can’t wait to show it to my future children. especially my daughter(s).

and last but not least…

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

“What is it with this chick, she have beer flavored nipples?”

it was SO HARD for me to choose one 5th film. i mulled about it for weeks. but this one is a classic i could never tire of. it was the perfect movie to tie up the ‘90s.

10 Things, ah yes, the story of two sisters on their high school dating (or not) journeys. this movie is hilarious and very cleverly derived and adapted from a Shakespeare story: The Taming of the Shrew (which they reference in the film, and i love that they do because i’m a reference nerd), while, fun fact (i’m also a fun fact nerd, i’ve recently discovered)!: Clueless was derived from Jane Austen’s, Emma.

besides Julia Stiles as Kat being a powerful and perhaps overly-feminist voice of her generation (hey, it really worked for the ‘90s) and Andrew Keegan who plays Joey “eat me” Donner mocking a large chunk of his, we also have Joseph Gordon Levitt as the lovable boy next door, Heath Ledger as the bad boy, Patrick Verona which, sidebar: isn’t that name totally sexy? (who’s character is surprisingly funny under his straight-faced guise), and the character i think is potentially the funniest AND most overlooked: David Krumholtz as Michael. but David K. tends to get overlooked a lot, doesn’t he? unless you want to throw Larry Miller as funniest character competition playing Kat and Bianca’s dad, because he is also perfectly on point with the dad jokes and over-the-top push for celibacy, which really does carry the plot of this film. not to mention their English teacher, who is hilarious and real.

this movie is back-to-back laughs to me. it can be subtle and it can be direct. it’s just all around well done. if you haven’t seen it, i highly recommend. between the cast, the writing, the soundtrack even… it’s a beloved comedy classic. its humor outlasts its decade (despite some stuff that probably wouldn’t make the script nowadays) and its heartwarming moments carry it through to being a genuine film. while this film doesn’t garner the attention of some other ‘90s teen comedies, like Can’t Hardly Wait, or She’s All That, i do believe it is more deserving.

besides, they gave us THIS EVERGREEN GIFT?!

Honorable Mentions (or where i expose my johnny depp obsession that has only mostly subsided):

Valley Girl (1983) - another one that i love so dearly in my heart… look out for another article about this one!

Blow (2001)

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) – it’s an understatement to say i was obsessed with this film when it came out.

Black Snake Moan (2006)

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Ed Wood (1994) – if you haven’t seen this movie and want to see Tim Burton with genuine talent, watch. Johnny Depp should’ve been nominated for an Oscar, or at least a Golden Globe, for his portrayal of the disgraced movie director, Ed Wood.

Or any very old Disney cartoon: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Rescuers, Jungle Book, Robin Hood - for some examples.

tell me, Soulbabes… what are YOUR mac ‘n’ cheese movies?

comment below or tweet us @pvssymagic or tweet ME @samantharosej!

The Creatrix and Editor in Chief of Pussy Magic, sam is a writer/editor originally from the Bay Area. Her work outside of writing revolves around the merging of spirituality and wellness to foster community, raw self-expression, and holistic healing to honoring our sacred selves: mind, body, and spirit.

sam is the author of L’ACQUA (2017), the columnist of Sacred Wild Exile at Pussy Magic, the host of Satin Soulbits, a limited-series podcast focused on womxnhood and sexuality, and editor of the Satin Soulbits Blog. Her writing has been featured in The Sonnetarium @ Rhythm & Bones, Occulum, ILY Mag, Rose Quartz Magazine, Tiny Flames Press, and more. sam offers Sacred Serpent Writing + Healing sessions to bring people more intimacy with themselves and their writing which you can find more info about on her website. She currently resides in Los Angeles with her partner and plant babies.

Find more about sam, her writing, and her offerings on her website and follow her #soulbits on Instagram.