#will probably add more stuff some other day
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and i also want to add this:
even some of my non-religious/non-worshipping/atheist/agnostic friends say stuff like âmay athene help me with studying for exam and may she pls also give her blessing the pen i write with usuallyâ or âapollo guide this damn flue out my systemâ or something, even if it sounds silly. and they feel better afterwards bc they feel like they did something to promote their success in life, but they still basically know jack shit about how gods are âtraditionally worshippedâ. and when whatever they pray for goes well, they thank the deity for helping and go on with their life. itâs non-committed.
you donât have to have one god you pray to exclusively and all the time every day every hour (absolutely do that if you want to ofc <3), switch it up! thatâs why there are multiple with different things they reign over. ask for hestia to bless your house/room/apartment after cleaning it, care for your pets in the name of artemis and/or apollo, take a second to watch a funny video and laugh, play a harmless âprankâ (like appearing behind them with a sly âhello thereâ) on a friend or family member thanking loki you succeeded and everybody had a laugh.
when i first started working with deities i felt pressured to do grandiose prayers every day and i was afraid of doing something wrong (probably bc of witchtok at that time⊠but thatâs another story (im so glad i donât have other social media than tumblr pinterest and youtube anymore)).
i was worried for nothing⊠donât be afraid to offend gods⊠theyâre like so old theyâve seen some shit, people have probably muderded wrongfully in their name! youâre donât gonna do much harm.
imagine them like an old tree, maybe you come across it and just take a second to rest under its branches, when you like it there you come back more often!
walking up to a tree and looking at it, saying something weird to it, accidentally leaving your bag at its roots isnât gonna kill the tree, the tree isnât gonna kill you. just pick it up if you need it again. if you feel bad, you can apologise, but the tree isnât gonna disappear bc you didnât.
same with gods.
have a wonderful day!!! <333 :3
Friendly reminder that you don't need to be on any âlevelâ of witchcraft to worship the Hellenic gods because
1. Being a polytheist or a pagan doesn't equal being a witch.
2. These deities were worshipped by literal children back then as there was no fear of them being harmed.
If someone is telling you âthis deity is for beginners/advanced practitioners/whateverâ then they're either misinformed or they're purposefully trying to seem spiritually above you so you consider them as some sort of spiritual guide.
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No, Daddy, I Want Papiâs Helmet
Divergence from chapter 18 to 19, where Chris gives the secret away when heâs staying at the 118 firehouse after Abuela broke her hip. In this universe, the PT switch didnât happen, facilitating the reveal.
On AO3.
Ships: Buddie (pre-slash)
Warnings: ableism mention, homophobia mention
~~~
Eddie buckles Chris in with tense shoulders and Buck wishes he could make it better, wishes he never suggested it with Chris in hearing range, because then Eddie wouldnât have felt obliged to say yes.
Buck could have just gone back to the station and convinced Bobby that Eddie really needed to stay with his Abuela and heâd be fine without a partner for the day. He feels like an idiot for opening his big mouth and making Eddie uncomfortable. Both of them know the chances of any of this ending well are improbably low.
So, he anxiously watches Eddie fuss with the seatbelt, before he closes the car door. Wanting to know where his head is at, before they walk into the lionâs den, Buck asks: âWhat are you thinking?â
âThat this is going to be a shit show,â Eddie answers honestly, rubbing his face.
âItâs not determined theyâre going to find out.â
âHe calls you papi, Buck.â
Okay, yeah, that is a fair point. Itâs pretty damning if a child youâve supposedly only known exists for a week or two calls you papi. People are going to want an explanation and Buck isnât going to be able to come up with a good one that doesnât give everything away. If Chris was still a baby and couldnât talk, this whole thing would be easier.
The thought triggers a heartbreaking idea in his brain, but he still has to say it. Has to offer Eddie this out, even if it will tear himself to shreds inside. âWe can ask him not to do that. Itâs only for a little over an hour by the time we get there,â he suggests, aiming for causal and probably missing by a mile.
âThatâs not fair on you.â Eddie is already shaking his head before Buck is done talking. For a moment, Buck fears Eddie found him out, but then Eddie adds. âAnd what sort of message would we be sending if they did find out? I donât want Hen to think weâre raising Chris to be homophobic, just because weâre straight.â
Itâs adorable how determined Eddie looks. Every time Buck is reminded how hard Eddie is trying to be a better father than his own, Buck falls in love with him all over again.
âAlright,â he says. âWeâll leave this one up for the universe, then. But we should probably get the good kind of bribery coffee. Weâre probably gonna need it.â
Eddie throws his head back in a laugh, before he agrees. Then they get into the car and drive off, Buck behind the wheel as always.
Buck pulls up into everyoneâs favorite coffee shop that they usually donât go to, since itâs slightly out of their way. Both of them are nervous, that much is clear, even if they try not to be. While he waits in line, he calls Bobby, explaining the situation as vaguely as he can, while still getting the results he needs.
Heâs pretty sure Eddie is as nervous as he is when they get to the firehouse, but if heâs nervous, Eddie will only get more nervous and if theyâre both nervous, Chris will get nervous. So, he stuffs any sort of nervousness down and plasters on a big smile as he gets out the car and waits for Eddie to help Chris out of his seat.
Theyâre going to give this some semblance of a try, so Buck doesnât walk as near as he usually does, when they enter under the curious gazes of the others.
His own shoulders want to tense, but he stops them and Eddie relaxes slightly when he seems at ease, so he keeps it up. He loudly greets everyone as he usually would. Normalcy is key. âWe come bearing bribery coffee.â
âI would say who cares about coffee when youâre bringing such an esteemed guest, but I really need my caffeine fix,â Hen jokes, a big gentle smile on her face.
She probably knows how nerve wracking it is to introduce people to your kid and Buck smiles at the gesture. He is about to make a joke about Chris being way more important than some coffee and more than enough of a fix to get you through the day, but stops himself. Itâs not his place right now.
Eddie, however, is in sync with him as ever and picks up on it. Clumsily joking in his stead: âHey, Chris is way better than coffee.â He looks slightly mortified at himself, but Buck and Chris both grin widely.
However, no one else seems to notice and Hen just laughs quietly: âI believe you,â before she turns to Chris and holds out her hand. âHi, Iâm Hen. I heard a lot about you, youâre a real smart kid.â
That was partly a lie, since Buck hadnât been able to brag and Eddie is still private and not great at talking about emotions. But no one is going to call her out on that when Chris is smiling the way he is.
âHello, Iâm Christopher,â he says, shaking her hand. âYouâre really cool. Daddy and papi say so.â
Hen pauses for a second at that and Buck and Eddie both hold their breath. She quickly glances over to Eddie â they worked hard for Buck to not even be considered â and sees his the apprehension, before quickly covering any reaction and smiling as she tells Eddie: âOh, I like him.â
Their shoulders relax. Buck assumes that Hen must think Chris just accidentally outed Eddie and is helping him by pretending to not have noticed. He appreciates that about her, not just because it works in their favor.
Chimney follows her lead, sending a quick glance between her and Eddie, before swooping in. âHey, what about me? Iâm cool.â He holds out his hand. âIâm Chimney.â
âChimney! I know you. You have a silly name,â Chris informs him seriously, getting laughs from everyone.
The tension has been broken and Chris easily accepted without any realizations. Buck thinks they might actually get through this okay, going to grin at Eddie, only to find him looking choked up at the three moving towards the stairs as Chris asks all about the ambulance.
Buck knows how nervous Eddie always is about people meeting Chris. Not because he is ashamed of him, but because people always seem to judge Eddie as if there is something wrong with him, with both of them, which is fucking terrible and makes Buck want to deck whoever makes Eddie feel like that.
Getting this easy acceptance from everyone must mean the world for him. Buck should know, heâs in the same boat. There isnât anything to say, though, so Buck just gives his shoulder a comforting squeeze, before jogging to catch up with everyone.
Chris is determined to get up the stairs by himself and Buck easily lets him as Chris chats away about what heâs studying at school and what his daddy and papi told him about the trucks, asking a thousand more questions about the ambulances, since Hen and Chimney know them better.
Every time he mentions papi and daddy, he sees how Hen and Chimney send looks to Eddie, clearly waiting for him to acknowledge it, but he never does. Buck is pretty sure theyâre dying to ask, but arenât going to with Chris there. It makes him dread what will happen after Maddie comes to pick him up.
From how Chris is talking, itâs clear that both his dads are firefighters. When it comes to fun facts â of which Chris has many, Buck is so proud of him â Chris always starts with âPapi saidâŠâ And Buck is pretty sure none of them are buying that Eddie has been supplying him with those facts.
In these moments, Buck is glad Chris was too young to realize itâs a little odd that Buck is papi, because that might be the only thing throwing everyone off their scent right now.
Then Bobby comes over and Buckâs stomach tightens. This will be another hurdle. Jovially, Bobby says: âWhatâs this? I donât remember asking the chief for reinforcements. You any good with a hose, kid?â
âI can try,â Chris smiles and everyone chuckles.
âAlright,â Bobby smiles back, because Chrisâs smile is infectious.
And even though Buck knows that Bobby doesnât know thatâs his kid too, it makes him fly that Bobby seems to be taken with him immediately. Buck craves Bobbyâs approval so bad and having Bobby approve of his kid is the best feeling.
Eddie on the other hand, tenses and gets up as he explains: âSo sorry, Cap. Maddie, uhm, Buckâs sister is getting off work early so she can take him, before my tĂa can, but you know LA traffic, so until then w- I- I didnât know where to take him.â
âYeah, you did. Right here. Buck gave me a heads up. I already cleared it with the chief,â Bobby says, nodding towards Buck, who smiles at Eddie, trying not to look too love struck when Eddie looks back with those big, beautiful brown eyes.
For a moment, it looks like Eddie is going to cry, but the attention gets pulled away from him before he does by Bobby asking: âDid you get a tour of the trucks yet, kid?â
âNo,â Chris answers, hopefully excited.
âWell then, what do you say about a tour?â Bobby asks him.
âCan I?â Chris asks immediately, looking absolutely thrilled at the idea. He hasnât caught on that no one seems to realize Buck is also his dad, and while he directs the question at both of them, he looks over at Eddie first, since heâs standing next to Bobby.
âCourse, we can look at the trucks,â Eddie smiles.
Before Chris can look to him for confirmation as well, Buck grabs Chris under his armpits and swings him over the back of the couch, putting him on his feet again with a, âLetâs go, Superman!â getting a delighted shriek from Chris as expected.
Itâs probably a little too familiar for a kid that he supposedly doesnât know that well, but Buck ignores whatever looks get send his way. He loves kids. And he loves this kid in particular. It already sucks enough that he canât be as loudly proud as he wants to be. Let him have this.
Eddie steps up next to him soon enough, asking: âWanna walk downstairs by yourself too, mijo?â
âNo. Carry me?â Chris asks and Buck is so proud of him. Theyâve raised him well, asking for what he wants, what he needs, when he has to, and doing it by himself when he can and wants to.
âYeah, here.â Eddie sweeps Chris up in his arms, putting him on his hips and handing his crutches over to Buck with practiced ease.
Itâs so natural that neither of them even realize they shouldnât be doing that here, until Chimney claps Buck on the back and grins: âAlways in sync, you two, huh?â
âHaha, I guess,â Buck blushes, hurrying down the stairs after Eddie and Chris before anyone can study his face too closely.
While Chris had the most questions about the ambulances, he wants to see the engine and ladder truck the most. Itâs what heâs heard all the stories about it. And he wants to do it on his own, demanding to be put down, the second they get downstairs. Buck is glad he hurried after them, so he can hand Chris his crutches before he even has to ask for them.
Chris clatters over to the engine, looking at all the stuff that he can see, excitedly pointing at the hose as he says: âIt has a loop, just like you said!â
âYou know why, kid?â Bobby asks, looking pleased that his way of doing things is important enough to Chris to get pointed out by him.
âPapi said itâs because if you leave a loop and stick your arm through, it makes for a faster carry and speed is important,â Chris recites.
âThatâs right,â Bobby smiles.
Chris proceeds to ask more questions, already being way more knowledgeable about the vehicles than most kids his age. Heâs been hearing firefighter stories for a year and a half already and when Buckâs excited about a topic, he pulls Chris with him and vise versa. They feed on each otherâs curiosity and energy.
Just when they think theyâre getting off scot free, Chris wanders over to where everyoneâs turnouts are gasping: âCan I try on a real firefighter helmet?â
âOf course, here you go,â Eddie says, grabbing his own, even though Chris is standing in front of Buckâs helmet, and moving to put it on his head.
âNo, daddy, I want papiâs helmet,â Chris protest. âYouâre still a probie, heâs a real-real firefighter.â
Buck is pretty sure that if the âoh fuckâ didnât hit Eddie at that moment, he would have been more offended by that, going to give Buck a playful glare, before what Chris said registers and he instead looks at everyone else with wide eyes.
Thereâs a beat of silence wherein everyone tries to piece together what they just heard and process what that means. Their eyes rapidly go from Chris to Eddie to Buck, then back to Eddie to Buck again, then to Chris.
Fuck, weâre so caught, Buck thinks.
However, the silence isnât over yet and heâs not going to let Chris feel like he did something wrong. So, he acts like this isnât a huge thing that just got revealed, instead smiling at Chris as he grabs his own helmet and carefully puts it on Chrisâs head. âThere you go, Superman, a real-real firefighter helmet. Way cooler than daddyâs probie helmet, right?â
Eddie catches on to what heâs doing, unfreezing himself and forcing himself to act casual. âYou know thereâs no difference between the helmets, right? I also have a real-real firefighter helmet.â
âI know,â Chris smiles, looking absolutely adorable in the over-sized helmet. âPapi said only the Captain has a different helmet, but itâs about the idea.â
It seems that a repeat of âpapi saidâ is enough to unpause the others, who have been watching Buck and Eddie brush this whole thing off with great confusion. It was such a smooth blasĂ© turn of events that they almost started to think they imagined it. But no, Chris is still very much there, in Buckâs helmet, calling him papi and reciting his facts.
âPapi?â Bobby finds his voice first, though he only manages the word, butchering its pronunciation slightly.
Chris doesnât seem to notice how the vibe has shifted very quickly and just nods proudly, helmet nearly falling off. âDaddy and papi are both firefighters, but daddyâs still on his probationary period.â He slows down on the big words, carefully sounding them out. âTheyâre heroes.â
Despite the situation, Buck canât help the pleased smile and blush that appear at the declaration. It will always feel good to hear his son be so proud of him. Of both of them.
âSo you- so you twoâŠâ Chim starts, then trails off, pointing between Buck and Eddie with a confused look. Itâs as if he isnât sure where to start asking.
Before anyone can figure out what to ask, the alarm starts ringing and they all stare up at the flashing lights for a second like caught animals.
Buck snaps out of it first. He knows theyâre in deep shit, but they need to help people first. Itâs a small fender bender, shouldnât be anything too traumatizing to Chris, but heâs not going to make it worse by going over Bobbyâs head. So, he asks: âAm I man behind, or are we taking Chris with us?â
âWe can take him with us,â Bobby decides. These accidents are often nothing big, but if there are a lot of cars, they need the extra hands. And theyâre already next to the trucks anyway.
Besides, while his head might still be reeling, a small part of him looks between Buck and Chris and suddenly sees all the similarities. The way Chris was religiously asking questions and spouting facts moments ago suddenly very familiar. Much like his papi, he canât deny Chris the opportunity to see everything in action. The thought of having a grandkid intruding on his brain without his permission.
With that decision made, Buck gently pulls the helmet from Chrisâs head and puts it on his own, before lifting Chris into the truck and smiling: âSave my seat, alright, buddy?â
âSĂ, papi,â Chris smiles back, legs kicking excitedly at being in the truck.
The others only hear the exchange, too busy with pulling on their turnouts. Since Buck had a delayed start, the others have already climbed in when he gets there. Eddie pulls Chris onto his lap while Buck climbs in, before handing him back, so Buck can buckle him in next to him.
Everyone is watching the exchange as if itâs something alien and Buck wants to snap at them to stop it, because Chris has gotten enough of that as it is. However, he knows itâs not because of Chris that theyâre looking at them like that â well, it is, but not like that â and snapping isnât going to help them when theyâre in enough trouble as it is.
They pull out of the firehouse at record speed and Chris gives a loud cheer, clearly thrilled to be a part of this. Despite the situation, Buck smiles broadly and pulls out his phone to take a picture of Chris with the huge headphones on in the back of the fire engine.
This is sadly taken as an invitation to start asking questions, of which they must have many now that everyone has had the time to gather their wits.
Hen starts it off, asking: âSo, when did the whole papi thing start?â A valid question, since it would be quite the leap to have taken after learning about Eddieâs son a few weeks ago with the earthquake.
Before Buck or Eddie can start, Chris is already explaining: âWell, papi was Evan first when he worked with the chickies, but then mommy left,â Chrisâs lip wobbles for a second, but he braves on, âand papi stayed forever. But he was still Evan, but then he and daddy got married and Ms. Jane said that made him my daddy too, but daddy was already daddy, so heâs papi.â
The answer does nothing to get them out of trouble, in fact, it probably only gets them deeper into trouble. However, Buckâs heart canât help but do a happy little flip at Chrisâs confidence in stating heâs staying forever.
âMarried? But what about-â Chimney starts to loudly say something, before cutting himself off. He looks at Chris uncomfortably, then at Eddie, who is giving him a confused look, trying to guess what the fuck Chimney is on about.
Buck, however, can take a guess and cringes slightly. Still, the last thing he wants is for them to think they watched him cheat on Eddie for his first few months at the 118. That is never the kind of man he wants to be. Never.
So, he clarifies: âYeah. We got married as friends. Great tax benefits and stepparent adoption. This little guy is legally half mine,â he grins, ruffling Chrisâs hair.
âUh-huh,â Chris nods excitedly. âWe went to court and it was all official and we went to the courthouse too. They made daddy and papi kiss, it was really silly.â
Both Eddie and Buck blush at the reminder, though Buck supposes theyâre blushing for very different reasons. Heâs honestly happy if his wedding day kiss is the only kiss heâll ever get. He treasures the memory. Eddie probably not so much. Buck tries not to think about it.
Hen looks between the two of them, clearly not believing it. She says: âYou got married for the tax benefits and for adoption?â her voice asking why the fuck they would do that.
âYup,â Buck answers, trying to act casual. Chris is still right there and theyâve already dragged up Shannon leaving today, he wants to spare him as many reminders, but he needs the others to stop asking questions. So, he slings his arm around Chris and smiles at him, Chris smiling back. âSo, me and Superman here could continue to hang out while daddy was out saving people, isnât that right?â
âYeah!â Chris cheers, thankfully taking the comment as not something to be sad about because papi isnât sad about it. âDaddy took care of everyone, giving band aids to all the soldiers.â
Realization dawns on everyoneâs faces as they figure out Buck raised Chris while Eddie was out on his tour in the army. Eddie looks like he always does when someone reminds him of having to leave Chris behind; devastated, but locking it up. However, is face softens slightly at Chrisâs unwavering support and recount of what he did.
The air gets awkward now, everyone unsure what to ask, wanting to get all the details, but not wanting to interrogate Buck and Eddie in front of their kid.
After a few moments, Bobby clears his throat and changes the subject, telling them about the accident theyâre driving up to. He also tells Chris all about the headsets and the communication system, with as much flair as he usually has for school trips, maybe a little more. Seeing it makes Buckâs heart warm and he hopes they havenât fucked it all up entirely.
They arrive at the accident and everyone gets out. Except for Eddie and Chris after a look between him and Buck to check whoâs gonna stay behind with him.
As Buck walks away, he hears Bobby say: âIâll watch Chris. I need you out there with Buck. Donât worry, Iâll take good care of him.â
âYeah, daddy, you got to have papiâs back, right?â Chris says, which must be enough to convince Eddie, because soon enough heâs at Buckâs side.
While they work, they keep their heads down and stay quiet. Both feel like scolded school boys and they donât want to get more attention on them than necessary.
From time to time they shoot a look towards Chris, who looks to be having the time of his life listening to Bobby, who is smiling as well as he explains whatâs going on. Buck hopes thatâs a good sign, hopes that means Bobby isnât too mad at them. At him. Buck hates the idea of Bobby being mad at him.
Hen and Chimney go with the ambulance to a nearby hospital with one of their patients, so itâs just the four of them in the rig back. Bobby is allowing Chris to sit up front with him, letting him pull the horn even though heâs usually against such frivolous use of equipment, much to Chrisâs delight.
Both Buck and Eddie watch nervously, with Eddie sending Buck a look asking âwhat does that mean?â and Buck sending a look back that conveys âI donât know, but maybe something good?â
When they get to the firehouse, Buck gets a notification on his phone. âMaddie says sheâs held up and is going to be a little later.â
âLooks like youâre going to be hanging out with us a little longer, kid,â Bobby tells Chris.
âI donât mind,â Chris grins broadly.
âOf course, you donât,â Eddie says fondly, ruffling Chrisâs curls. âThe inside of the rig can be dirty, so letâs go wash our hands, yeah?â
âOkay,â Chris says easily and follows Eddie out of the way, leaving Buck alone with Bobby.
He canât blame him for the smooth escape. Still, he is nervous when he turns to Bobby and asks: âSoâŠâ
âYou have a good kid,â Bobby starts, surprising him. âI see he gets his curiosity from you.â
Buck flushes with pride as well as embarrassment. âOh, uh- Chris isnât mine. Well, not biologically, I- I donât think-â
âBuck,â Bobby cuts him off. âYou still have an impact on him. Youâve been raising him for quite a while already from what I understand. He gets things from you.â
âThank you, then,â Buck says with a bashful smile, before he carefully checks: âSo, youâre not mad?â
âOh, no, Iâm pissed off youâd keep something like this from all of us when Eddie started working here, but I do hope you didnât keep this from us before that, because we made you uncomfortable.â
âNo, no, that was me getting in my own head,â Buck assures him. âI knew you guys wouldnât judge, I just didnât know how to explain. And I am sorry, you know. For lying about it. We just wanted to work together and we thought youâd retract the offer if you knew.â
âI probably would have,â Bobby agrees. âBut you two can clearly keep it professional in the field and your teamwork is truly something. If itâs not romantic, I can make a case for you two to the brass.â
Buck blushes again, twisting feeling in his gut. âOh, no, itâs definitely nothing romantic. Just two married guys, being friends.â He wants to smack himself in the face for his reply. Heâs not even lying, but he is being weird about it and Bobby is going to see right through him.
âUh-huh,â Bobby raises a brow. Then too conversationally, he asks: âSo was Eddie the girl, who was in that trap with her parents?â
At that, Buck freezes, he had all but forgotten about that. And he didnât think Bobby would have remembered either. However, heâs totally right and now both of them know it and Buck basically confessed to wanting more with Eddie. Shit.
âYou love him, donât you?â Bobby asks. Before he can answer, he adds: âNow, donât lie to me. I see it in the way you look at him, even before I knew all this.â
Buck panics slightly and he says: âYou canât tell him.â
âI wonât,â Bobby promises, putting a hand on his shoulder. âBut remember what I said back then, I said youâre ready to have those things and, by how youâre raising Chris, you were more than ready. You stepped inside with Eddie a long time ago. Youâre ready for a next step too.â
âThank you, Bobby, but itâs not like that for Eddie. Heâs my best friend, but nothing else. Heâs straight, itâs not going to happen,â Buck answers.
âI wouldnât count it out.â Bobby says cryptically, before clapping him on the back and walking off. On his way to the loft, he runs into Eddie and Chris and he asks: âYou up for a grilled cheese, kid?â
âYes, please,â Chris cheers.
âThen letâs go,â Bobby smiles the two of them going up the stairs.
Meanwhile Eddie makes his way over to Buck so he can get out of his turnouts, Buck also still dressed in his own. He must look kind of stupid, the way he stands there, because Eddie pauses and asks: âAre you okay? Did Bobby say anything?â He looks more and more nervous. âAre we fired?â
That snaps Buck out of it and he quickly says: âNo, no, not fired. Bobbyâs gonna make a case for us with the brass, since itâs not romantic. He is pissed though. That we lied.â
âOkay, thatâs good,â Eddie nods, oblivious to Buckâs crisis as he steps out of his turnouts.
Not wanting to seem weird, Buck quickly follows his lead, until theyâre walking up the stairs, shoulders knocking into each other. Itâs comforting. Familiar. Buck doesnât want to lose that. He studies Eddie, trying to see what Bobby saw, but he canât find it. Itâs just Eddie, as heâs always been.
Naturally, Eddie notices him looking, giving him two wide, confused, beautiful brown doe eyes as he asks: âDo I have something on my face or something?â
âNah,â Buck says casually after a few moments, âjust trying to imagine what youâd look like as a real-real firefighter.â
Immediately Eddieâs expression falls into something more deadpan and annoyed. âYou put that idea in his head, you know, with your probie bullshit.â
âI donât know, Eddie, seems to me like you just still have a ways to go,â Buck grins with as much little shit energy as he can.
âYouâre the worst,â Eddie grins back, pushing him slightly, though immediately catching him, before he can do as much as stumble.
At this point, theyâve reached the top of the stairs and find Bobby presenting Chris with a plate of grilled cheeses with a flourish. âHere you go. What do you think?â he asks, awaiting Chrisâs judgment.
Chris takes one bite, before he beams up. âItâs very tasty.â
âThatâs what I like to hear,â Bobby ruffles his curls. Buck imagines that this is what it would be like to have Bobby as a grandparent and the thought makes something twist inside him. By that time, Bobby has spotted Buck and Eddie and calls over: âYou two also want a grilled cheese for lunch?â
âYes, please,â Buck replies, shaking it off and skipping forwards.
Soon after, thereâs a plate of grilled cheeses on the table and the four of them are sitting around it. The adults are listening to Chris about his latest school project, any interrogation of the family unit heâs a part of shelved for now.
At some point, Hen and Chimney return, joining the table. Chimney is still looking between Buck and Chris as if itâs the weirdest thing heâs ever encountered â Buck tries not to be too offended â while Hen seems more comfortable about the whole thing, though she sends glances in Eddieâs and Buckâs direction from time to time.
The grilled cheeses are being eaten when Maddie comes up the stairs, greeting everyone. Buck smiles and waves at her, before turning to Chris, steadying him as he gets out of his chair. He hands him his crutches and goes on one knee in front of him, smoothing out his clothes and pressing a kiss on his forehead as he says: âBe good for your tĂa Maddie now, okay, Superman?â
âI will, papi,â Chris promises.
Maddie, whoâs been getting closer pauses for a moment, before her eyes snap to Eddie. Eddie pauses under her gaze. She hisses: âEvan is papi? Heâs the husband?â
Well, if Chris hadnât given it away, Maddie would have it seems. And because Eddie is an asshole, who has the ability to lie to Maddie, he puts on a faux-innocent look and says: âYes, he is. Didnât you know that? I thought you must have realized.â
âNo, I did not,â Maddie says lowly, turning to Buck. Buck swallows, but straightens his spine defiantly anyway. Maddie asks him: âWhy didnât I know that?â
âI thought you were being homophobic,â Buck answers honestly.
âWhat?â Maddie sounds almost offended.
âWhat was I supposed to think? I got there after Eddie picked up Chris and mentioned me and you didnât say a word. Nothing.â
âOf course thatâs not what I was doing. Eddie asked me not to tell anyone. I wasnât going to out him!â
âOh, that makes a lot more sense, actually.â
âThank you,â Maddie says forcefully. Then she does turn back to Eddie and goes: âWhat are your intentions with my baby brother?â
Eddie has just started to relax, but freezes all over. Before it can get nasty, Buck jumps in quickly. âIt is not like that, Mads. Me and Eddie are friends. Married as friends. And Iâll explain everything later, I promise. But weâre on the clock. Please, just take your nephew home.â
Maddie puffs herself up, gearing up to protest before the last part of that sentence hits and she looks at Chris with big awe-like eyes. As if she has never seen him before. In a way, she hadnât. Sheâs hung out with him a few times, but not as her nephew. Thatâs her nephew. Buck has a kid. Her baby brother is a dad and has a kid and she missed that, but now she gets to know him.
The fight leaves her and she puts on a smile. âIâd love nothing more. What do you say, we get some ice cream. Itâs an auntâs job to spoil their nephews, you know.â
âIce cream!â Chris cheers, making his way over to her.
âDonât fall for his pout, heâs only allowed two scoops,â Eddie calls out bravely. âThank you so much for taking him,â he adds quickly.
âWeâre getting three,â Maddie informs Chris cheerfully.
âBe wary of the sugar rush,â Buck warns her.
âWeâll be fine, now stop worrying,â Maddie calls back, having reached the top of the stairs.
They all watch the duo go down the stairs, waving and calling out goodbyes. As they go, Eddie turns to Buck and says: âShe never babysat on her own before, has she?â
âYeah, not since she was a kid with energy herself. She has no clue what she just got into with that promise,â Buck agrees.
âOef, good luck.â
âAh, her mistake,â Buck shrugs. âMaybe sheâll be so tired when we come to pick up Chris that she wonât have the energy to be mad.â
âGod, I hope so.â
âWell, you two shouldnât be worrying about her right now,â Hen suddenly speaks up behind them. âWe want answers. Now.â
With matching apprehensive looks, they turn around to face everyone. Buck feebly says: âI think weâve gotten most of the basic information out there.â
âNot good enough,â Hen says. âCome, sit, and spill.â
âIâm not a dog,â Buck pouts as he goes to do what heâs told.
âYou couldâve fooled me,â Chimney grins patting his back.
âOh fuck off.â
Eddie comes to sit next to him, crossing his arms defensively. âWhat do you want to know?â
âEverything,â Chimney snorts. âCome on, you canât just drop being married with a kid â even as friends â for god knows how long on us, not to mention lying about even knowing each other, and expect us to just shrug it off.â
âWell, there isnât much more to add,â Eddie says defensively. âWe got married as friends, so Buck could adopt Chris and take care of him while I was in Afghanistan after Shannon left. He already helped before that. It was the most logical thing to do at the time.â
âThere wasnât anyone else?â Hen asks, now mostly directed at Buck. The underlying, âyou had to take care of Chris by yourself?â heard by everyone.
âUh,â Buck sends a look at Eddie, but Eddie isnât looking his way. âEddieâs parents helped too, you know, but you donât want to drop your kid on your parents,â he settles on in the end. Itâs as neutral as he can make it.
Hen seems to accept this answer, which is enough for Chimney to jump in on it. âHow did you even get involved anyway, Buck? Chris said you were taking care of the chickens? How do you get from chickens to father?â
Buck blushes slightly and explains: âI worked as a farm hand on a chicken farm. Chrisâs mom used to buy eggs there, took Chris with her from time to time. I babysat in a pinch, then did it more regularly, also after Eddie came back. She left Chris with me, before getting on a plane to never look back. Eddie still had work that night, so I offered to watch Chris and, uh-â he rubs the back of his head â-I kind of never left.â
Itâs quiet for a moment as everyone processes, then Eddie cuffs him on the back of the head. âThatâs not how it went and you know it.â
âWhat?â Buck asks confused, because last he checked, thatâs exactly how it went.
âYou didnât watch him for one night and never left, you chose to stay and help a stranger who was struggling, even though you didnât have to. Because, Evan, thatâs who you are,â Eddie says forcefully, making sure Buck hears it.
âOh.â Buck doesnât really know how to respond to that, tears prickling despite himself. âI guess, I never thought about it like that.â
âOf course you hadnât,â Eddie sighs, but itâs a fond one.
Everyone is looking between the two, various expressions on their faces, but all scrutinizing. It makes Buck blush. Especially when Hen feels the need to check: âAnd itâs strictly a platonic thing?â
âYes,â Eddie replies forcefully, which doesnât make Buck sad at all, no, sir. âWeâre gonna get divorced at some point, have a prenup and everything. The plan was when I got back from Afghanistan, but then I got hurt.â
âSo why havenât you yet?â Chimney asks curiously. âI mean, since youâre obviously better now.â
Eddie looks a bit like a deer in headlights and Buck clenches all his muscles and tries to disappear into the background. If he starts trying to answer that, a whole bunch of things heâd prefer to stay hidden will come spilling out.
âWhy would we?â Eddie counters after a few beats to think, a blush coloring his cheeks anyway.
âHuh?â Chimney replies dumbly.
âI mean, think about it. Weâll divorce just for the sake of divorcing, then weâd have to come up with a parental plan for Chris, uproot him again, because one person alone canât afford that mortgage, plus weâd loose are tax benefits, which means we canât save up for college for Chris,â Eddie lists. âUnless one of us wants to marry someone else, why go through the hassle? Itâs not like either of us are planning to leave anytime soon.â
Despite how utterly practical it is, Buck canât help but smile widely, stomach unclenching as butterflies flutter in it instead. Eddie truly isnât planning on leaving. Eddie still wants him around, still needs him around. He nods: âYeah, what he said.â
Hen looks between the two then nods to herself as she mutters: âAh, so thatâs how youâve justified it to yourself?â
âWhat was that, Henrietta?â Eddie snaps, without even fearing for his life.
âDonât call me Henrietta,â Hen scowls back, dropping what she just said. Buck is grateful for it, he doesnât need anyone pushing at Eddie and making him feel weird about staying.
Bobby thankfully steps in for them. âAlright, alright. Itâs quite the story, but weâre not here to interrogate either of you.â To the others he sharply says, âI mean that. Iâll bring up the situation with the brass and weâll see from there what will happen.â
âBut, Cap,â Chimney starts to whine, but heâs cut off by the alarm that starts blaring. They all look up for a second, then Chimney quickly stuffs a grilled cheese in his mouth. Still chewing, he says: âThis isnât over.â
âOf course it isnât,â Eddie mutters as he and Buck get up in sync.
Together they hurry down the pole and to their gear. Theyâll have a lot more questions to answer later, not to mention appearing in front of the brass. However, all in all, bringing Chris to the firehouse could have gone much worse.
~~
A/N:
I know I cut the whole explaining themselves thing short, but itâs mostly a repeat after a while and I did put a chunk in there.
#rr writing#the i do verse#9-1-1#9 1 1#9 1 1 show#9 1 1 fanfiction#9 1 1 buddie#911#911 show#911 fanfic#911 buddie#buddie#buck x eddie#buck buckley#evan buckley#eddie diaz#christopher diaz#buckley diaz family#bobby nash#chimney han#hen wilson#maddie buckley#the 118#118 firefam#buddie au#tw: ableism mention#tw: homophobia mention#911 season 2#911 2x04
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Buck and Tommy were having regular sleepovers
And Tommy all of a sudden doesn't want to move in with Buck?
Let's not forget the parking space before the breakup. The only reason why Tommy would want to keep his spot is if he planned on spending the night at Buck's. If he was going to go home after the movies, he would just drop Buck off, so there'd be no need to keep that parking space.
And Tommy didn't have anything on him when he arrived. So he has clothes and toiletries at Buck's place. He's way bigger than Buck, so he'd definitely need his own stuff.
But Tim Minear wants us to believe that Tommy was too scared to move in with Buck. With their intense firefighter schedules, they were probably spending their off days together.
I can understand the request scaring Tommy because he's been through this before, and Buck not using the right words to explain what he was thinking/feeling.
Tim, you are making it so much harder for me rationalize your decisions for this couple. You're lucky I was able to use PTSD to explain Tommy's reaction. But there's no amount of creativity possible to explain that horrible date earlier in the episode. Buck not getting Tommy a present, Tommy not knowing Buck hates basketball, Tommy being engaged to Abby for 2 years and only telling Buck 6 months into their relationship, and Buck not knowing what the Kinsey scale is. After 6 months, all that information should have already been known. Both of them like to talk and open up to each other and infodump, and you're really trying to sell the fact they didn't talk about these things before now?
My brain is working overtime to help you, and you just suck at your fucking job. What else is new? Black lesbian tries to explain a mediocre cishet white man's intentions in fiction. I'm supposed to be taking a step back from helping anyone who is not black (courtesy of the election results and exit polls, black folks are done helping others and being ignored when we need help).
The only reason I'm even attempting to make your garbage writing make sense is so that my fellow shippers have something to grasp onto while you fuck around with our feelings while we're scared of losing our rights.
I hate you so much right now.
At some point, I'm going to publish a romance novel just to spite you. I'll make sure to add in some jab in the acknowledgments. Something like "mediocre white men get paid more to write shittier storylines, so write that novel".
Sincerely, fuck you Tim Minear
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I have no idea of how interested people in here would be in this kind of stuff, but I recently started trying to find some old YGO websites on the Wayback Machine (like Geocities stuff from the very early 2000s plus some news sites and some peoples' personal blogs) and started putting some archive links to them on Fanlore!
It's not all of the ones I found, but I tried putting only ones that were still kinda readable (some had some stuff on WM but were too broken).
There is some cool stuff in there, I recomend some exploring to anyone who was in the fandom back then and wants to reminisce about it, or is just curious like me to see how people did fandom stuff before all fandoms kinda migrated to the same 7 sites.
Here are some pictures if anyone wants an idea of the kind of stuff you can find there:
#yugioh#yu-gi-oh!#ygo#websites#geocities#wayback machine#anime#will probably add more stuff some other day#also i should probably try to fix the yugioh page on fanlore a little more#it is pretty dated#but i'm not feeling it right now so...#maybe another day#also: these will probebly be very wonky on mobile#seekerbr's things
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there's a ghost of a smile from sirius. a real smile. he would take that any day, every chance he could. even though its fleeting, it's something. it's still progress in the right direction. " i know i don't have to. " rather he knows he isn't obligated in any legal or technical sense, but he isn't so sure he could step back without being very firmly told off first. james was working on fully learning that particular lesson, slowly.
he hovers uncertainly while sirius orients himself, ready to catch the other if need be. any point of being okay remains a long way off, but padfoot genuinely already looked better than when they had first brought him home. sirius had been practically skeletal when he already had been the skinniest of them. colorless. remus and james had worked hard to get him to this point, helped by harry's presence, and james has to remind himself they can't rush anything without risking hurting sirius first. sirius hurt more than enough.
moony. okay, that was doable; if remus got irked about it, james would make sure to take the blame but he doubts it will be an issue. it twinges at him a little to not be the one chosen, but understands why it might not be the best idea...and remus did have the best taste in comfy jumpers. " mad? what? no, of course not, " he promises easily, habit driving a steadying touch to the shoulder as sirius sits, as he leans against the edge of the counter. " we didn't want to make you feel cornered. " or for harry to get caught in their crossfire, though he doesn't add that part. " right: dittany first, and then cleaning up, " he murmurs half to himself to keep somewhat on track. a vial summoned, clean cloth set beside the sink, and he's keeping note to maintain some kind of contact to hopefully keep sirius a little more grounded. they can do this.
" he's probably going to keep harry company for a while, to give us time, okay? if nothing else we'll all see each other again in the morning, " james clarifies as he takes sirius's hand in his to hold still for applying the dittany. lucky it doesn't take much of the stuff to work, and relatively painless, but james still finds himself soothing his thumb over newly healed skin too. just to be absolutely sure that he doesn't miss anything. only when he turns to put the vial away and start the faucet does james catch a glimpse of what he looks like, startled by stark smears of red. shit, he hadn't even considered that, too busy taking in the touches before and more occupied with keeping sirius's face cleared of mess.
" shit, pads, i'm sorry. i-- hold on. " the apology is immediate, words stumbled out over dampening the cloth and wiping the streaks away. it wasn't a lot, the actual injury having not been too large or deep, but enough to be painfully noticeable. he's in enough rush to scrub overly-harsh at his cheek and neck to leave pink marks behind, skin prickling at the cool water. there's nothing to be done for the shirt until he can get it washed, which was fine, but he wasn't going to sit there and purposely look a mess when sirius was already struggling to keep hold of the lucid moment. " i know you don't like cold water much, but that doesn't mean i'm a fan of it either, " he belatedly thinks to tease once the flicker of panic is gone, shaken off when his reflection said he was fine again. the little left on his hands is even easier to remove with the rinsing of the cloth now that the water had time to warm. not the most ideal in avoiding staining perhaps, but he didn't think the shock of cold would do any good.
he has to remind himself to take a slow breath again by the time he's ready to take sirius's hand in his again, far gentler removing the smears on the other than he had been on himself. a quieter task to focus on than before, but if he could stay steady then sirius could hold on. one thing at a time, inching themselves closer to being through the night. tomorrow could be worried about when they got to it. " ...i really am sorry, sirius. that i didn't ask first, " james says softly as he inspects for any spots left before moving onto the other hand, mulling over how immediate he'd been in kissing the other earlier. how quickly missing sirius and being constantly touching and kissing whenever they wanted had overrun his knowing better than not to. " promise you'll tell me if i do it again, or if you aren't sure, so i can stop. " so he can avoid making sirius crash again. prevent injuries and tears, with any luck. he'll love on sirius in any way he's allowed to, as often as he can, but he did not want the price to be the other's shredded peace.
" not all bad. i've been getting to hold you, " james points out with an easy smile, though it doesn't last long against the other's increasing upset or sirius pulling away from him. he scarcely gets out a sound of protest before padfoot is righting himself from the floor, and james loathes that he has to take a minute to steel himself before he can stand too. " what helps is getting to take care of you. " it's more dismissive of his own state than he probably should be, but he'd live. he had so far, after all.
and now that they are standing, he can definitely feel how much he'd been pushing at the limits, nearing what would have been a lot of pain later if he hadn't moved already. but sirius didn't need to know that.
" let's get some dittany and clean your hands up, okay? i can walk it off, " he promises softly, careful to lean slightly less of his weight on the weak side. it'd just be embarrassing to collapse now, after insisting upon being fine. " and then we can dig out a jumper for you to borrow. mine or moony's, whichever you want. " he's hoping the directives being soft are good enough to get sirius to follow his lead without resisting, trying to coax without just dragging sirius along.
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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hello!!!! i just stumbled upon your carat resource carrd and want to thank you for putting in the effort and time for such a well made and informative library of seventeen content!! i noticed that there are a few songs missing: seungkwan's cover of 'text me merry christmas' w/ AKMU suhyun, and the HHU songs from the diamond edge tour (joker - wonwoo solo, what's the problem, and madness maxed out)
also i think the miss you by sicboy ft. vernon MV is missing from the carrd :)
ahh thank you! i try my best to get everything but sometimes little things slip through the cracks so i appreciate you letting me know! i can't believe i missed some of these lol. these should all be added now!
Music -> Covers -> Text Me Merry Christmas
Music -> Unofficial & Unreleased Songs -> Joker / What's the Problem / Madness Maxed Out
Music -> Collaborations -> Miss You
#melia.ask#anon#i think i missed text me merry christmas before bc i was limiting to covers on svt's channel+spotify and its posted on sehyuns channel#but that was mainly bc finding all the covers svt have done on various variety and performance shows is a lot#and then there's some grey areas like if dance covers count or if they sing like a minute of a song and post it on twt if that counts#and like one day i may expand the covers tab to include that stuff but it's a lot bigger undertaking that will take a lot more research#but i don't mind including text me merry christmas now bc it's still a similar format to the other covers ive linked just a diff channel#also what's funny is iirc hurricane and with me were also from diamond edge and i included those so idk how i missed the hhu stuff lol#don't know how i missed the miss you mv either i think it was in my watch later for a while as a reminder to add the link#and then after a while i probably just assumed i already did it LMAO
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C through G got smudged and didn't photograph well (I really have to draw stuff darker if I don't want it to lose all clarity when it smudges, or buy better pencils I guess), and there's only so much I wanted to mess with photo settings tonight, but having never really tried to draw hands before, here's how it's going. I've been drawing these over the past week or so, I guess 11 in total since that's how many letters there are from A to P
she can be taught
#i feel like the photo manipulation did some work in the last one. like no way did I draw the O that good#or no you know what. it's more that the photo smooths stuff out because my phone camera just isn't that powerful#like in my actual sketchbook you see the pencil marks so much more#it would actually be nice to have a good phone camera#my husband's phone camera is probably literally 100x more powerful#maybe more. idk how you measure camera#but with mine it looks grainy the instant you zoom in a little. and with his you can zoom in soooo much#also wait i just wanna add. the quality is improving but it still takes so long#and if it's the first drawing of the day? spend forever just figuring out where to start. end up erasing all my initial line attempts#that's where i'm at now lol#took photos of my other drawings so i wouldn't have to start q
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journeys is one of the most disheartening pokeani arcs because you can tell they had a decent setup for it but also that they had no clue what they wanted to do and lost steam partway through
#tbh some of the decisions legit make me wonder if a lot of it was pushed by tpci and they had to make a ton of changes#like. idk if id go as far as saying they made them add ash at the last minute but i do think tpci was weird about his arc here#while im glad they did choose to conclude his character in JN i do feel like SM was a good stopping point for him#and like i wonder if the original plan was for goh to be the sole protagonist bc he feels more realized than ash does in this arc#obviously i dont think that was a plan for very long if it even was a plan at all bc ash is so important to the show#but like at the very least i think they were just confused and not sure how to handle ash#and this is purely speculation on my part dont take it as gospel but i wonder if theres like a ton of mandates around ash#that makes it a bit harder to write stories around him these days. like in OS he was allowed to be a fuckhead basically#but now that hes basically a second mascot for the entire franchise i imagine theres a lot of strings attached to him now#like thats the real reason he never ages or anything its a lot of corporate stuff.#and despite JN supposedly having more freedom than any other series they probably couldnt do too much with ash or something#idk if that really tracks well with SM tho ill have to check once im there#but idk maybe thats why he and pikachu both are weirdly characterized there#echoed voice
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#smile at people #a majority of the time people will smile back and you win Human Points #learn how to compliment people and do it often #Normalcy is a perspective that changes depending on who is looking but kindness and a positive attitude shows the same view to everyone #basic politeness with a little extra effort is amazingly difficult at times #but it goes MILES
Genuinely good advice from @aroace-get-out-of-my-face
can someone recommend some beginner normal behaviors for someone looking to become normal
#life advice#autistic stuff#and anybody who finds this hard which is pretty much everybody#would also add learning the functions and skills of small talk#yes i know i know it's evil it's horrible when nobody told you how#but get this: it's just social glue#it's the human equivalent of hyenas lowing to each other or crows clicking to each other#it's just âhello i exist you are in my social circle i accept your existence and please know that i don't hate youâ#and it's got some fairly basic first-level rules too!! You intiate the greeting (Hello/hi/howdy/good evening/etc depending on context â yea#that dependency can be a bit trickier to learn but if you think of social structure it helps; e.g. this human supposedly ranks higher than#me and has not spoken to me before so i need to say âhelloâ instead of âwassupâ)#and then you say âhow are you?â or the less formal âhow's it going?â (meaning: *I am initiating small talk*) and they will say âI'm alright#you?â (meaning: *I accept your move to small talk and value your input*) and you say âI'm okayâ (NOT meaning: I am actually okay â but#rather *I appreciate your acceptance of my move to small talk and respect you so I will complete this ritual*)#in some cases people will go into a bit more detail â typically in response to âHow's it going?â or âHow've you been?â rather than âHow are#you?â (in less formal contexts e.g. between friends) â and say something like#âYeah I'm doing alright; had a lot of stuff on this week so I'm looking forward to a break!â and this is where you employ your Sympathetic#Vocalisation (âmm yeahâ (solemn. nod head towards them at medium speed a couple of times)#BUT. you do not dwell on this. they will probably ask you âwhat about you?â afterwards and here you say something like âI'm good; I've got#some pasta I'm looking forward to eating tonightâ (or any other bland mundane thing about your life. note: you CAN lie. not extravagantly#but you can say âYeah I'm great; been busy too but gotta stay on your toes eh?â when you actually want to collapse right now#generally people react well to either positivity or wry humour at your negative experience#like: either bring out something that's a minor good thing and refer to that (see example character's âlooking forward to a breakâ)#or if that's too fake for you you can mention something you're struggling with light heartedly (see: staying on toes example)#generally though people do not want to actually discuss each other's lives here. just social glue! just the âI acknowledge you and wish to#instigate/reaffirm a social bond in this situation so we can then get onto the real stuff or leave with stronger social connectionsâ#anyway that's like the first basic step it; does tend to get a little less straight forward the further you go in#but I've found it a great skill to learn#and once I realised it was in fact a skill just like ice skating or acting or writing i was like ahah! i can learn this!!#and show off like a kid on a skateboard every single day!
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#GIRL making your own sylveon without the naming strat on pokemon go is so MNGHFGHKLFGJHHH#HOW MANY FUCKING HEARTS DID IT SAY.. 70???#OH. wait nvm im literally 15 away#GIRL i was dreading continuing this shit bc i thought i needed ultra buddy the whole time đđ#if u do go outside u just need like 5-7 days LMAO k nvm#but its funny how fast im getting ultra buddy bc i just got my first ultra buddy w zacian the other day!#catch assist looks so silly and i love it :) lil guy pops out of the corner of my screen when the ball bounces off a pokemon and bounces it#back onto the pokemon like tyvm!!! i wish it was guaranteed so i could do that strat everytime LMAOO sooo cutee#i want zamazenta as my buddy tho >< zacians cool but zacians blue! and i like the shiny colors better tbh. just easier on my eyes#and zamazenta!! heart eyes!! pink and red!!! so cute!! i love it!#and for some reason they place zacian so far behind u on ur profile if thats ur buddy but if u put zamazenta its a lot closer idk#AND I LOVE BIG FLUFFY LOOKIN STUFF... i understand zamazenta and zacian have been through some shit but fluffy?? fluffy????? đ„șđ„șđ„ș#unfortunately im a lot more attached to this shiny zamazenta than i initially thought id be LMAOO if it was regular colored#i might like it less.. zacian too SORRYYY the shiny colors r just so nice đ„ș zamazenta's literally my fav colors n fluffy!!!#but yeah i wasnt super attached in the beginning bc i have a good fairy type (sylveon) and have been trying to get other fighting types#bc of normal types in gyms ( i hate u mfs for that btw </3 ) AND THOSE TWO CANT EVEN GET SAME TYPE FAST ATTACKS..#BUT THEYRE A SINGLE TYPE POKEMON LIKE GIRL FUCK im bad w typings MAKE IT EASY FOR ME#anyway i adjusted. ice FA for zama and fire FA for zac. fuck the meta. i do want dark FA for zac but im not risking reroll idc idc idccc#i think my new pkmn go obsession is funny tho bc i started playing just bc my cousin was. and my mom redownloaded so we could add and gift#so i did too. now im probably more into it than my cousin and mom LMAOO#oopsies! whatever! it gets me outside and walking so im sure nobody cares LOL#44597#WAIT I SPENT 1572.. oh i was inactive I WAS GONNA SAY 1572 DAYS W BUIZEL AND NOT GREAT BUDDY??#HUH!? THERES A LV 40 MISSION WHERE U GOTTA DO ALL EEVEELUTIONS? FUCK YOUU <//3
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leon theme i spent my early morning hours working on even tho i have to wake 6 am !!! đ«”đâš (it is 10 minutes to 5 am)
#⯠ê°á starry thoughts à»ê± *·Ë#actually will sleep soon but :P silly!#i like my theme a lot. i will still fix and add to it FOR REAL THIS TIME I PROMISE I SWEAR so yeah :3 <3#i think the pfp is a bit small. but idk. might make it bigger anyway.#re is So so so scary been going thru re chronologically finally (but like. thru watching. but w/o commentary.#bcs i'm so sorry horror games are the Only games i cannot play myself i get too scared ..... one day i will man up tho. but only for#bloodborne my bbg. hooray. pray for me.) !!!!!#also working on my writing sb :P sm i wna do this summer but it starts with Me taking care of myself which i shall... do more of..... asap.#funnily enough since for a bit now i've gotten back into playing vn/otome games. since i've been nagging my twin to get into some specific#games like Our Life and Touchstarved ahahaha i sucked her back into this hellhole ..... now against my former will i have installed that#love&deepspace game last wednesday morning. wow. and previously i got ikepri but my twin went the Whooole way getting ikepri#and getting back into ikevamp etc SORRY FOR EXPOSING YOU I LOVE YOU lol silly. it's actually so Funny honestly.#also wna get back into writing in general ^_^ will probably share more abt my ocs too!#& generally talk more w moots and friends on diff platforms... i wna manage my time Super well :3 <3 I Will. I Am. hashtag Mindset Matters.#world is crazy rn uh lots to say but all i will say for now is : Don't Forget About Palestine. they are still suffering. please do what you#can to support all the people who need that help and for the media to Still see them and not get totally distracted abt other stuff. !!!!!
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The evil slow creep of it being like "haha these will just be quick little side quests, not much effort at all!" and then noticing each one is getting progressively longer than the last, thus no longer being minimal effort.. auGh....
#The jump of 76 for the first one to 275 for the most recent ghghjb#what can I say.. I am.. The Elaborator.. The Detail Giver..#number six will HAVE to be shorter....!!!!!! !!!!#I fear it's going to look this way but opposite with some of the main character quests. The first character I ever worked on. like their#first quest I added wayy to much information and detail and side options and etc.#Once I got done with all their stuff I was like.... if they're all like this I will NEVER finish.. So then I tried to be very short about#it all. EVERY single interaction cannot have 10 branching dialogue and 5 different endings and blah blah blah.. as much as I wish it could.#Hiring a butler to stand over me all day shouting ''NARROW the scope!!!! REDUCE the options!!! CUT the dialogue!!!'' whilst I sob#and hit backspace on everything once every five minutes#But that means probably the first character I worked on will be very obvious because their quests might have a different#feel than the others and be longer.. I just CAN'T make ALL of them that long. but maybe I could choose one..#Like out of the four characters that will have full quests for them upon release.. maybe I can add another one thats long so at least#TWO of them have weirdly long quests and the one first character doesnt seem so singled out lol#I hear this happens in real life professional games as well (like people complaining that X character doesnt have as much#content in an RPG as some other one does. etc.) so.. perhaps my fears about everyting not being exactlyliterally equal#are not even that worrisome or something that's a major factor. Still lol#It's not really that concerning to me anyways from a 'how will people react to it' perspective (very niche game. hardly anyone#will play it i'd assume. its not like thousands of people shall desscend upon me to criticize even if something was weird like that.#it'd be like. out of the 25 people who ever play it. maybe one of them is like 'yeah it was kinda weird that thosequests were so much#longer than the others. but idk' and that's the extent lol). My concern is more like.. Writing time..#the more I add. the longer it takes for me to finish. So if I keep ednlessly making things forever longer and longer. then it becomes The#Forever Project. which it kind of already is. considering I started it in 2018 and then forgot about it for the most part of 5 years and am#only resuming it now LOL.. I cannot bear to add MORE forever onto that which already is quite Forever-ish#If I wrote everything the ideal way I wish it were then I would either need a full team of writers. or I would finish the game in 2085#so.. alas.. cut cut snip snip..#ANYWAY lol
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(BOOK OF BILL SPOILERS)
I just finished reading The Book of Bill and I am kindof losing my mind over some of this stuff.
I had wondered if Alex Hirsch might make Bill sympathetic in some way and oh boy I was not expecting him to do it so successfully (and without cheapening Bill's character).
So, we learn that Bill was born into a 2D world... as a mutant who can see into the third dimension. He claims he was absolutely loved by all, but when talking about his powers, he mentions under Pyrokinesis:
"Cipher, Cipher, he's insane / Starting fires with his brain." The kids in grade school could be so cruel. But where are they now, huh? WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
So probably not quite as liked as he was letting on. To add to that, there's the silly straw page, which looks like silly nonsense until you decipher some of the codes:
"EYE DOCTOR OF A DIFFERENT KIND / WHO WANTS TO MAKE HIS PATIENTS BLIND" "THE DOCTOR SAYS / THREE SIPS A DAY / WILL MAKE THE VISIONS / GO AWAY"
I wasn't sure what this meant until I saw someone point out... he was seeing a third dimension that no one else could see. His parents probably took him to the eye doctor to try to "fix" him. Which, speaking of his eye doctor, the coded message in the section about human eyeballs says something interesting:
"MY OPTOMETRIST NEVER SAW IT COMING"
It could be a joke given beforehand he's talking about dissecting a human eye, but given the previous hints of medical abuse, I wouldn't put it past him that he tried to get revenge on his eye doctor.
Oh yeah and the whole thing about him setting his entire dimension on fire? Yeah it turns out it was entirely a mistake (he just wanted everyone to understand the third dimension he was seeing so they could be free of only two dimensions), he was so traumatized by it he blacks out when trying to recall it. He deeply, deeply regrets it, and...
"What? Your ENTIRE home dimension? destroyed? How? By what?" Bill looked distant, more distant than I'd ever seen him. "By a monster."
He sees himself as a monster.
And yet, he's not some innocent, misunderstood being. He still revels in causing pain and chaos. He's terrible in general, but becomes incredibly abusive toward Ford.
"YOU'RE MY PROPERTY. DON'T FORGET IT. The hillbilly abandoned you, your father won't want you returning without millions, you have no friends, and if you died out here in the snow, who would even miss you?"
Which... speaking of him and Ford...
Yes, yes, I know people ship them. But like, whether you see their relationship as romantic or platonic (I see it as the latter), there's some interesting parallels to be made here.
Both Bill and Ford are mutants who were mocked for their being different. (Bill was not physically a mutant, as far as we know, but more in the sense of him having vision stronger than that of everyone else in his dimension, and also having special powers. And he does describe himself as a mutant.) Both became social outcasts, separated from their families but still haunted by them (Ford seeing commercials of Stan on TV and running across old photos of him and his brother, Bill being haunted by his family in some form). Neither could return home for one reason or another. Both more powerful than their peers (Ford intellectually, Bill in terms of actual powers). Both of them isolated and alone. (Yes, Bill does have the Henchmaniacs, but they seem like shallow friends, and only really seem to follow him out of a desire to have a place to party.)
Ford was not aware of most of this, aside from knowing that Bill could not go home because his dimension was destroyed. But Bill absolutely saw himself in Ford. There was no other person he tried to use whom he felt a stronger connection to.
And he actually seems to care about Ford--he actually gave him a birthday present, and when Ford didn't like it, he decided to get drunk and party with him instead to make up for it.
And then when Ford realizes what Bill's plan actually is and refuses to go along with it, and fights back no matter what Bill does, Bill completely breaks down.
After living for trillions of years, he met someone who was like him, and that person rejected him.
He goes berserk, wreaking havoc, being caught by the dimensional authority that he's been taunting for most of his life.
And then after dying and being cast out of hell for being too annoying, he winds up faced with the Axolotl, who sends him to therapy, where he continues to break down further, sending out the book in a desperate attempt to find someone, anyone who will help him break loose and wreak havoc once again.
"You have no friends, and if you died ... who would even miss you?"
I don't know, Bill. Who would even miss you?
In short,
[ID: The front and back of one of Bill's Valentines cards. On the front is a black void with Bill Cipher lying down without his hat, gazing blankly upwards, with the text "I DON'T WANT TO DIE ALONE" above him. On the back is a simple white "TO/FROM" in red, with a red outline illustration of Bill spontaneously growing a mouth and eating a realistic, bloody heart. /end ID]
#bill cipher#stanford pines#gravity falls#gravity falls spoilers#the book of bill#the book of bill spoilers#oh gosh I haven't thought this hard about gravity falls in so long
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When talking about the distinction between Simon Petrikov and the Ice King, itâs important to remember that originally, the Crown wasnât trying to turn Simon into Ice King -
It was trying to turn him into this guy.
At the time, the Ice Crown - or rather the Wishing Crown - was programmed with Guntherâs wish to become Evergreen. So everything related to making the current wearer like Evergreen is a very direct result of the Crownâs Magic. The physical changes -
And the obsession with the name âGuntherâ -
And maybe some of the irritability and anger issues -
That is something the Crown is very directly forcing unto its current wielder.Â
But everything else?
Ice King, personality-wise, was not much like Evergreen at all, or even like Gunther's view of him. And Ice Finn of the Farmworld Universe was also pretty different from the both of them.
At the time, I remember people assumed Ice Finnâs behavior is more indicative of what the Crown is actually trying to do with its wielders. That Ice King is so different because of Simonâs subconscious resistance against the Crown - while Finnâs much younger and dumber brain is a lot susceptible to the Curseâs influence to become some sort of mad world-conquering emperor of ice and snow.Â
But, with the context of the Crownâs actual backstory. That doesnât seem very likely anymore. I think whatâs actually happening there is that the Crown is just trying to make its wielder an Ice Wizard on par with Evergreen (who was the Actual Goddam Ice Elemental) and that means pumping the wielderâs brain so full of Magic, Madness and Sadness to a level that is bound to overwhelm anyone.
And Simonâs and Farmworld Finnâs very different behaviors after putting on the crown is indicative, more than anything, of how their psyche reacts to Madness and Sadness in general. You know, Finn has a very proactive and kinda aggressive personality - and you add Crown-induced-Madness-and-Sadness and a compulsion to use Ice Magic as much as possible and you get all ofâŠ. thisÂ
Meanwhile, for Simon, the compulsions of the Crown originally filtered exclusively via the language of protectionÂ
As his madness always manifested as romantic obsessionÂ
And using goofy humor to try and deny the pain heâs going throughÂ
Because thatâs how Simonâs mind specifically reacts to being flooded with so much Madness and Sadness.
Thatâs why thereâs so many parallels between Ice King and the sort of mistakes and screwed-up stuff Simon does right now! Heâs even kidnapping people again!
Because the Madness and Sadness of Ice King mightâve been induced by the Crown, but now Simon has plenty of personal home-grown Madness and Sadness inside him - and itâs no surprise that Curse-Induced or not, his mind reacts to it in a sorta-similar way. (Although obviously not as intensely, again, there was a LOT of MMS in the Ice Crown).
Now as for Ice Thing, and the fact that he seems to be actually rather well-adjusted under effects of his version of the Wishing Crown. I mean... not by the time of the 1000+ Era, but thatâs literally eons in the future and also maybe more Gibbonâs fault. Even if the Crown will eventually take some sort of toll on him, for now he seems to be doing pretty well considering his wish. I mean, there's still some sort of Loss of Identity stuff going on
But everything we've seen of Ice Thing (in the present day, at least) shows him as a friendly and cheerful individual that gets along well with others. A far cry from how maladjusted every single wielder of the Ice Crown acted.
At the very least, if there's any notable amount of Sadness in him, we really haven't seen it yet.
There might be several factors here:
First things first, I should acknowledge the possibility that itâs just that Orgalorgâs eldritch brain is better at intaking all that MMS juice. That could play a part, but I think itâs probably more important, at least thematically, to look at the distinction between âI wish to be Evergreenâ and âI wish to be Ice Kingâ.Â
First in the sense that while Ice King was occasionally mean to Gunter at times - he was generally much kinder than Evergreen ever was for âhisâ Gunther. So, like, pretty much the one Personality Flaw of Ice King that you can directly link to the Ice Crownâs attempt to mimic Evergreen is the occasional anger issues.
And how they relate to Guntherâs view of Evergreen, so grumpy and controlling and constantly saying âNO!â
(Both Finn and Simonâs demonstrable not-crown-induced trauma responses can make them pretty short-tempered as well. So Iâm not going to say this is purely the effects of the Crown. It still probably plays some sort of factor at why the wielder of the Ice Crown is Like That).
And that is not a factor in how Gunter views Ice King. For him, Ice King was a doting and loving father figure - so if the Crown was ever trying to implement any sort of specific negative personality traits, this is absolutely no longer a factor. Because the original Ice Crown was a reflection of Evergreenâs abuse, and now Ice Thing is a reflection of Ice Kingâs fatherly love.
Which is, itself, probably an echo or remnant of Simonâs own strong parental instincts.Â
Secondly, while the Crown was trying to make the Ice King just as powerful as EvergreenâŠ. Ice King was obviously not as powerful as Evergreen. Because he was already a second-rate copy of the Ice Elementalâs power, and because Ice King was often just too doofy to use his powers correctly and probably because some remnant of Simonâs original sensible self is subconsciously holding his powers back.
Either way, being âlike Ice Kingâ as Gunter sees him requires less Magic than being âlike Evergreenâ as Gunther saw him - and therefore less Madness and Sadness. Leading to the wearer or, um, the eater being a lot more well-adjusted from the get-go.
And I think that the implication that Ice Thing has fused with the Crown, so there's never going to be another poor sap who puts on the Crown and gets Ice King'd. But if there is one somehow... at least the process is going to be less mentally detrimental that time around?
Maybe one day Simon could look back and appreciate how much he (or Ice King, or both of them, or however you want to look at the situation) is responsible for basically neutralizing the Crown that ruined his life in the first place.
#adventure time#atimers#adventure time fionna and cake#adventure time simon#ice king#simon petrikov#simon adventure time#the ice king#fionna and cake#fionna and cake simon#fionna and cake series#fionna and cake show#ice thing#the ice thing#adventure time gunter#gunter the penguin#adventure time gunther#gunther the penguin#Urgence Evergreen#simon and marcy
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damn, i still got a healthy amount of posts in the queue. i went a little ham in my last queuing spree huh
#âąâËâč đ©·â„rubyâ„yoïŒide yo !!#and i'll have probably twice as many to add to the queue next time it runs out#i do like posts for the purpose of queuing them later#sometimes i'm just too lazy to queue stuff yk#like adding the tags and all that#anyway i'll just ramble about stuff under here#i hope that arnold (murderofbirds on youtube/twitch) has chongyun gameplay moments recorded at some point#hearing him admit that he wanted chongyun to be his main dps at first but then ended up not doing that made me :(#we seriously need more chongyun appreciation in this world#idk if he ever streamed character hangouts. or if he's uploaded the vods to youtube if he did#i don't want to sift through his channel to find out because i do enjoy his playthrough as-is. i kinda don't wanna spoil the experience by#finding out that he doesn't have any recorded content on chongyun at all and having much less motivation to keep watching his playthrough#it's hard for me to find good videos to watch over meals these days. and i'm not about to disqualify months' worth of genshin vods#i'm glad he reacted positively to xingqiu's story quest tho. especially after hating him as a playable unit (at first anyway)#people like him because he's meta but most people know jack about his character#i'm glad he can look past one aspect of a character he doesn't like and fully appreciate the other parts#can't say the same about myself with xiangling tho#idk she's just such a squick character for me. she annoys me to no end. i even stopped watching arnold's playthrough for a bit because of#how much he used xiangling and talking about how much he loves xiangling every two seconds#im glad he eventually benched her. and im also glad he didnt get to see her in wanmin restaurant like he was hoping to when he got to liyue#man i have very petty feelings towards xiangling lol#im still annoyed at my irl (ex-friend atp tbh) for going ânooo but she's so strong and metaaaaâ when i told her about how much i dislike her#like fam. even if she did 1 mil damage with barely any investment i still wouldn't care. i don't like her. end of story#it's not like it's uncommon for people to hate bennett. and he's one of the most broken units in the game#(ironically i actually like bennett as a character)#(it's also why i insist on calling my main team chongqiunett instead of national variant. national implies xiangling is there)#i'm trying really hard not to go on a whole rant about everything i don't like about her#/sigh/ anyway.
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